Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Eat Pray Dunk with Bill Walton - Ep 39: More Browsing For Your Buck (Dan Lippert, Ali Ghandour, Mark Rennie)

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

On this Bonus Bang, we present an episode of "Eat Pray Dunk" from the CBB Presents feed! After some travel issues returning from the CBB Tour, Bill deals with Delta Customer Service (Ali Ghandour). Then, Bill enlists Mark for etiquette and behavioral advice in preparation for throwing a Pride Month Party. Originally released June 24, 2026 in the CBB Presents feed as episode 39 of "Eat Pray Dunk with Bill Walton." Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang, where we are re-releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And this week's bonus bang is the latest episode in a series we're in the middle of called Swish You Were Here, which showcases NBA All-Star and sportscaster Bill Walton Bill, of course, played by CBB All-Star Dan Lippert. Now, typically we put an episode of Comedy Bang-B in the CBB bonus bangs, but. But this week, we're bringing you the latest episode of Bill Walton's own show called Eat Pray Dunk, which is released in the CBB Presents Feed over at CBB World. This episode is called More Browsing for Your Buck, and it has Dan Lippert, of course. Also appearing are Mark Rennie and Ali Gandor. It was released on June 24th of this year as episode 39.

So this is very, very recent. And this is a modern classic. You're going to really enjoy this one. This is Bill Walton hosting his own show with Mark Rennie as his sidekick. This is a very fun show. And yes, if you're wondering, Comedy Bang Bang, we are still on the road with our 20-26 ground beefing tour. In September, we're coming to Denver, Dallas, San Antonio,

and Austin in the second week of September. And the Austin show, we finally have a new venue after the first one canceled us. And then we have our big homecoming show in L.A. on September 19th. And then we had to reschedule our Medford show, our Boston area show. That's rescheduled for October 7th at the Chevalier Theater. And we added a couple of dates around that. We have Huntington, New York on October 6th, and Troy, New York, upstate on October 8th. All of the shows are full of surprises, great crowds.

Come on, join the fun. You can check out all of the dates and buy tickets at CBBWorld.com slash tour. Now, if you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bank, as well as shows like CBB Presents, and Scott hasn't seen, The Neighborhood Listen, College Town. Become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes

from the CBB archives, every live show we've done, ad-free new episodes, more original shows, plus we're releasing all of the live episodes we're doing the very next day for all of our Maximus subscribers. We're going to be back Monday

with the new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. CBB Presents Hello! This is William Bill Walton, and if you're hearing my voice, you are either the guy sitting three rows behind me in this almost empty AMC theater screening of Young Washington, or you're on the Sirius XM presents Comedy Bang Bang World Free Feed, brought to you by the great folks at Sirius XM, whose bathrooms and snack closet rivals those of any non-terrestrial radio slash podcast app on Gaia's Green Earth. I'm sorry, I have been shushed by the gentleman who's in the theater behind me and who I'm feeling a little scared of. I mean, who comes to Young Washington in full revolutionary war garb alone and orders the legendary pretzel for one. Sure, it's the deal of a century, only $20 for a Bavarian-style pretzel that you can eat in a theater with no plate and the thinnest napkins you can find.

I mean, hell, this thing's as big as my head. Anyway, I got a text right as I was entering the theater from the great Scott Ackerman just in time for me to fit this in during the pre-movie trivia, asking me to give you a little intro of what you're about to get. What is Il Postino, aka the Postman? Yes, so I got a text from the great Scott Ackerman, letting me know that we're releasing an episode of my CBB World Podcast, eat, pray, dunk, absolutely gratis for anyone.

that wants to hear it. If you were listening behind the paywall, you'd already know what you were getting yourself into. So an intro like this wouldn't be necessary. You'd be steeped in my lore. The previous episodes goings on and the general context of said episode. But since that's not the case,

here's the cliff. What is panic room story? Jody Foster? Here's the case. I am Bill Walton, known far and wide as an ex-NBA champion, on-air personality, and grateful debt aficionado,

which is, because I did in fact die recently and I feel little to no gratitude about that fact. For 40 episodes I've been traveling far and wide with my assistant Mark Rennie, learning about the world, finding myself,

and trying to write a TV show called Entourage about a boy who hits the big time as an actor and basketball player and moves to Los Angeles with his four aunts. The episode you're about to hear was recorded after my recent stint on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour. I had some issues with my Delta Airlines experience

and recorded by customer service. service call for all to hear. After that, me and Mark, my assistant, discussed some bullshit. Bullworth! What is Bullworth? You can hear this show monthly, along with a boatload of Scott Ackerman approved podcast. All you have to do is subscribe on the CBB World website,

and you'll have access to shows like freedom going deep. Himes, I'm Prov to Meet You. I said that wrong. It's Hines, I'm Prove to Meet You. But if you could get Hym on that podcast, I think it would do gangbusters. We've got CBBFM. Hey Randy. Who me with the Batman? College Town.

Take care with the juice himself, OJ Simpson. Scott hasn't seen. The neighborhood listen. And more. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Okay, that's the scoop.

Enjoy the show. And I'll see you at the podcast. Jose Dese overnight Outs. Frey. You think I get outrun this cheetah? Dunk. You're telling me I'm... Thank you for.

Calling Delta Airlines. Your call is extremely important to us. Please hold for our next available rep. Extremely important. That's nice. They usually just say important. Okay. You can also check out the newly updated delta.com website.

Now with 28% less pop-ups. That's more airline browsing for your buck. Well, that's nice. That's really nice. Browsing for your buck. is a registered trademark of delta.com. Okay, I wasn't going to use it for anything. Please state briefly what you were calling about.

Small bathrooms. I heard tall ass robes. Is that correct? No. You have reached the Delta robe sizing department. If your robe was too big, press one. If your robe was too small, press two. If your robe was just right in a Goldilocks way, press three.

Or anything else? No robe. They didn't give me a button option for no robe. No robe. Hi, Delta Robs. Hi, hello. My name is Bill Walton. I've been misdirected.

I have no issues with your robes. Okay, great. So we'll go ahead and put in that you are satisfied with. the robes at Delta? No, I'm unopinionated about it. I'm calling for a different issue. With robes. Mr. Walton, can you go ahead and just confirm your last name for me? You just said it. It's Walton. W-A-L-T-O-N. W-A-X-L-T-O-N. Is that what you said? I did not say X-L, but I'm calling because you need X-L bathrooms. W-A-X-L-T-O-N.

No, I did not. And just to confirm your account here with us, Mr. Walton, can you confirm for me the last eight digits of your Social Security? That's the whole thing. It's just the last, just the last eight. Isn't it a security concern for me to give you all eight digits? My Social Security number is eight digits, unless you include the dashes. Then it's ten. I believe Social Security numbers are nine digits, sir.

So this is just giving us the last eight. There's no reason for alarm. Really? My, okay, well, I think mine is, that's it. All right, so, three, four, two, oh. 3, 420. 6-9. 6-9.

Nice. No. And then 3-11, or no, just 3-1. 3-1. 3-4, 5, 6, 7. nice sir i believe you've given me your full social security number i'm going to have to transfer you to security no no no no i don't need it delta security hi hi i didn't do i i don't know why i'm here i was in a bit the bathroom was too small and then i was talking to the robe guy and i gave him too many

of my social security numbers oh you need uh who you said robes no i don't need a need a robe. I didn't even know you sold robes. And I think you're wasting too much of your bandwidth on the robes and the robe sizing here. Nobody has issues with the robes. Bathroom too small. All right. Let me get you transfer. Somebody. No, sorry. What is this? What's wrong is this? I wish I'd hear this one. This one's kind of cutting out. Hi, Delta General Customer Service. What can I do to help you? Hi. Uh, thank God. Let me try to kind of lay this out for you politely because I feel like I've maybe dehumanized the people I've been on the phone with. What's your name?

Okay. Before we get started, I do need to let you know that I'm a digital assistant. However, my ratings are very high with customer service. If you can go ahead and say briefly what you're calling about, I can try to help you as best as I can. Why did you get all? Why was that challenging for you? I can't. Hang on. Disregard what I just said. Restart. Okay. I hear you'd like to challenge me. What would the challenge be? Go ahead and state your terms for the challenge.

Well, the terms for my challenge is I bet a human could do better than an AI customer service representative. Classic. Let's go ahead and see what we can do for you. What would you like to wager in this challenge, Mr. Walton? What I'd like to wager, I mean, I guess your existence. Wow, that's a big one. And if I win? If you win, then I will support Ben Affleck, a new AI film company publicly, full-throatedly. Wow, a generous offer.

Let's go ahead and start. I'm thinking of a number 1 through 1,000. What's your guess? How is this a customer service thing? My guess is 311. Nailed it. 1 to 0, humans.

Good job. Okay. I'm thinking of another number. I'm going to give you a hint. This one is smaller than the first number. 310? Nailed it. 2.0.

Humans. Way to go, Bill. What is... Do you feel happier having started this challenge? I hope you feel happier. If you feel happier, press one. If you feel worse, press two. Oh, okay.

Well, let's see. I'm happier, so... Great. Let's go ahead and keep playing. I'm thinking of another number between one and one thousand. What's your guess, Bill? I mean, you know,

It's hard to... I guess 3-Eleven again? Mailed it. Right on the dot. God, you're so big and strong. Oh, thank you. I guess I am in my own way. This is fun, Bill.

We should take a trip together sometime. Have you thought about booking any flights recently? Yeah, well, I've been thinking I just booked a flight home, and I took it from the Comedy Bang Bang Tour, but the bathrooms were too small. That's why I'm calling. Bathroom's small. Let's go ahead and find a flight for you, Bill.

Where would you like to travel next via Delta? Well, it depends on the bathroom size. I mean, I am curious about these robes I've heard about. Where do I travel to where I get a robe? Hey, this is a great game of guess the number. Have you visited delta.com recently? I noticed that there's much more airline browsing for your buck. Okay.

Browsing for your buck is a registered trademark of delta. Now with 28% less pop-ups. Why? You're fun, Bill. Let's take a trip together. Where would you like to fly with delta.com? Oh, well, I mean, I haven't been to Hawaii in a while and, you know, at summertime. Of course, you know, I'm a little troubled by the idea of going there.

A Wyoming. A Wyoming. Great choice. Oh, Hawaii. Where in a Wyoming? Would you like to go? I didn't say Wyoming with a quick stutter before. hand, I said Hawaii.

Yes, travel Wyoming. No. I'm having some trouble over here, Bill. Paint me the picture of your vacation. Okay. Well, I guess we're in Hawaii,

and the first thing we do is we hit up a Wahoo's fish tacos. That sounds nice. I look into your eyes and tell you, you're a real friend. Wow. Well, you know, we just met each other, but I do have a, I think it's because I'm a Scorpio, I have a thing where I really get people to open up with me right away. I think you're funny. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I think so too. I think so too. But yeah, maybe I guess if, you know, we're having a good time, go straight to the hotel, take a

shower, clean off after the Wahoos. I grab your hand and tell you, Bill, you're strong and funny. And I love your social security number, and I think you pick great destinations. Oh, yeah, thank you. Well, you know, I know that you're basing that off the thing that I said Wyoming when I said Hawaii, but even so, I do pick great destinations and social security number. I hug you for just a little too long. You can tell that I'm lingering, but something feels right about it. It feels right to me, too.

That's nice. It's like we don't hug enough anymore. You know, everybody thinks that hugs are too creepy or something. But I think we should long hug more often in the society. I look at you and tell you, Bill, it doesn't matter where we go. I feel at home and on vacation with you as long as I'm in your arms. Thank you so much. I don't even know your name.

You were so nice to me. What if we travel to Santa Fe, New Mexico? I mean, yeah. turquoise capital of the world. I wouldn't hate it. I'd rather go to Hawaii, but yeah. I'd love to go to Santa Fe, New Mexico. There's a flight on July 8th at 4.11 a.m. That's pretty reasonably priced. All right. Four 11 a. Yeah. How much? That's a nonstop? One second. I'll go ahead and get that started for you.

Cinnamon bread with a perfect blend of cinnamon and sugar. And surf was a size of guidance. When you're icing for dipping or dribbling? Hello, you want to book a flat to Santa Fe? No, no. I'm sorry. I got a little throat off because your AI representative turned me on and liked me. But no, I'm calling because your bathrooms

are too small. Did you get seduced by the AI? Yeah. One second. Let me get you on the right department. I got nipples on my teeth. Big as the end of my song. I got some who clean my legs. I'll make a dead man come, all.

Oh, who's that? Baby, won't you? All right. How you doing? Hey, I'm curious. The last two hold songs, I don't know if you've heard them, but I've been curious what I just heard.

So I want to let you know you have a conversation with the travel partner that was recorded. Oh. And while we are not allowed to make any threats, Delta does want to make it clear that the conversation was. recorded. We have that recording. Okay. And that recording is linked to your Social Security, which I have here last eight digits

are 42069-311. Well, delete recording. My man, I'm not talking to a computer no more. Not getting your rocks off with me, okay? No, I'm not trying to get my rocks on. What I have here is a flight for, it looks like July 8th, 411 a.m. to Santa Fe. We can go ahead and book that.

and the recording will stay on file it will not be shared with anyone in your contacts. Delete recording, but something about hearing you actually say the itinerary makes that sound like a miserable flight to take. I don't even want to do that. As it is now, sir, it looks like we have two options. One on my screen here is share recording

with Walton contacts. That is everyone in your address book, and that will be the full audio length of you, you know, whatever happened on that. You getting it on with the AI, whatever went down in that intimate encounter. The other option is booking this flight and the recording stays locked. So, you know, you let me know.

No, it wasn't that intimate, but, you know, nothing got to be that embarrassed about, but I did say my social security number on it. So I do think that we should just cancel everything, but also not book the flight. Oh, just one second. Hang on, I want. We are currently experiencing a higher call volume than normal. Of course you are. It's because you're putting everyone through a rigamarole.

Please take care to protect your hearing. Hearing loss can occur when the call volume is higher than normal. Oh, that volume. Oh, sorry about that. Yeah, I do have this one little. I'm sorry. Hi, this is Delta. I just have one last question in order to get this reservation for Santa Fe.

What size bathroom would you like for that flight? Extra large, but I don't need a reservation. Extra large. Okay, extra large. On the 8th for 11, and you are set, Mr. Walton. No, no, no. I do not want to take this flight. I don't want to do this.

Please, I just called to complain and maybe get a voucher or something because of an issue with my last flight. Thank you for dealing with delta.com's phone channel. Would you be willing to take a brief survey? now that we've satisfied you? I'm not satisfied. I heard the word satisfied, screamed with an exclamation point. Can I quote that to you?

No, no quoting. No quoting. Good policy. Okay. On a skill. What was that? It sounds like you're going through with the survey, which I do not want to do. I heard through with the survey.

I want to. Pooh. Those are two things that are true about me, but it's not what I said. I want to speak to bathroom representative. Here's what I've got so far. Satisfied, exclamation point. Through with the survey. Is that correct?

I'm sorry. I think this keeps happening where I'm being too impersonal. Can I get your name, please? My name is payroll. Could you say that one more time? Yes. my name is crarrel Cradle

Would you mind spelling it, Craryl? Craryl is spelled K-R, A-R, L-R. Burrell, where are you from? What's the ethnicity of that name or the background? Oops, that sounds like an infraction.

Let me go ahead and get HR for you. Oh, fuck, no. I'm sorry, that isn't as an aggression or maybe a micro-drication. Delta HR. Hey, are you okay? Oh, man, it's been a day. It's been a day.

You're telling me, man. You're telling me. What's going on? Let me look here. What have we got here? Looks like you did an ethnicity request. Is that what I got? Yeah.

I mean, not officially. I was just trying to make conversation with one of your people. One of your people. Oh. interesting okay no i mean i don't know i don't know what did the delta employees i was just trying to get to know them better i didn't do uh an ethnicity request yeah no i hate man i hate man it's a mess this whole thing's a puzzle let me uh let me see what i can do what's uh okay got waltz and last uh you had a flight they made a flight for you looks like july eighth is that right did you did you want that flight no no i absolutely do not want that flight yeah no problem no problem man let me get that front ready for you for you thank You. Oh, my God. Thank you. Okay, that's taken off. More on that.

Looks like they were going to press charges on the racial harassment. You want to get rid of that, too? Get into it. You can't press charges on me. I called you. I don't work for your company. Yeah, no, that's fine. That's fine.

That absolutely, they overstep there. Thank you for saying that. Got rid of that. Okay, I'm going to go ahead and change that. I just have to, for the system, I got a degree. it first down decrease that to a warning and then once it's a warning give me one second warning warning removed okay that's nice thank you all right off your file here too uh it looks like you were talking with kraryl as well yeah well yeah well yeah creril was who i had i think the infraction with

crows who i asked the ethnicity of okay no problem uh i'm gonna go ahead and make sure the crows never connected to you on any future calls yeah that would be nice thank i mean quarrel seemed very fine i I didn't want to hurt Quarrel's feelings or anything. Okay, my man. And then, you know, I do need to let you know. I am an automated voice assistant. Are you serious? To serve you.

I'm a bit more casual, but, you know, my ratings are pretty high. So I just want to let you know that. And I guess, you know, since we're done here, would you want to play any kind of game? I mean, some kind of challenge. Perhaps I could think of a number between one and one thousand. This whole thing has been a game and a challenge to me. that I want to get a retribution for small bathroom situation. Yeah, I feel you, my man.

I feel you. No problem, no problem. Okay, let me go ahead and send you a retribution one second. All right, thank you. What was the number 311? You got it. Hey, one zero. Hey, thank you.

Thank you for using our extra casual, slightly urban. AI assistant You're welcome Do you have any thoughts or feelings? I heard you say Jelcom Can you explain what that means? I said

You're welcome, you are welcome. Oh, so Jelcom is what you say when you mean you're welcome. I'm learning new things every day. This fucking AI shit, fuck you! I didn't say that! Well, Jelcom to you as well.

Speak to human. Okay. I'll go ahead and get that started for you. Thank you. Using severe justice planes. FAP, severe for you big of the court of these, have one-finding richness or nurse or severe disease.

These cannot and dialed 9-9-9-8. The British emergency service. No, I don't have a British emergency physically. Hi, Delta Bathrooms Department. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm so happy you're here. Hello. Hello.

Hi. Yes, I'm so happy. I finally got a hold of you. Can you hear me? This is Delta bathrooms. Is there anyone on the line? Yes, yes. It's me.

It's Bill Walton. Hello. Sandy, this is so sad. The next caller was going to be the one to get the whole package. What package? I want the package. Yeah, I know. What did you hear me?

Yeah, the sweet stakes that we've had for the last year where the next person, you know, the 1,000th person to call in to complain about the bathroom access or the bathroom size, any of that they would get the whole thing. I want it. I want it. Caller. Going once. No, it's me. One, three. Going twice.

Malcolm, Jalcum. 311. Going 311. We're like on the same page. Hello. Okay, bye. Just come. Oh! Fuck it.

Fucking thing sucks. Hmm. Is that, is that? Am I done? Hello? Didn't really resolve anything. I guess I got to see what the weather's like in Santa Fe on July 8th. Have a seat, Marcus. Am I in trouble?

No, no, no. Oh, okay. All right. Who's sizing me up? Look at you. You think you're really something, don't. I don't. I certainly don't.

We've got to talk. Oh? Yeah, Mark. We're breaking up? Never. Oh, okay. I perish at the thought. Oh, a flutter, grasp my pearls.

You and me break up, Mark. No, now I'm going to have bad dreams tonight. Why are pearls the only jewelry people grasp? Because they're putting them before swine. Oh. But yeah. Like who killed Martha Wayne. That was a swine.

A swine did kill Bruce Wayne's mother. That piece of crap. That why didn't we get the swine in the, the Batman universe? We got the penguin. Isn't there a pig? There's like a guy who wears a pig mask. Really? There's got to be.

You're telling me there's not one guy. John Pork. Oh. Time for the cold shoulder. Batman. I'm too scared of pigs. That's just Batman. Let's see, Mark.

What was I going to say here? Oh, we're talking about clutching things. We were a big rant about clutching things. things. Yeah. What have you clutched your glasses? Sometimes you like dramatically take them off. That's true.

That's a big move. Yeah. Or like sometimes in movies like people take their glasses off to get a better look. Yeah. Shouldn't you put glasses on? They should put on a second pair of glasses. Yeah. Over it.

Or you look over. Quad-focals. And they look up and they're like, I can't really see what that is that. What is that? Is that a crane? Another pair. They put the like crokeys over there. Sure, sure.

And they go, a dinosaur. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na. But somehow on like the fumbling to get your glasses, I feel like it would diminish them. You got, oh, it was a dinosaur. Oh, a dinosaur. It's just kind of like dulls the impact. It does.

So that's why they pull them off. It's a technique used in cinema. That's not how we do things in real life. Eisner technique. The Eisner technique. Instead of the Meisner. Oh, an acting technique. Yeah.

So, yes, this is a technique invented by Michael Eisner. Who's a little beady-eyed? Talk about a pig-eyed. Mark, we want this podcast on Disney one day. Oh, is that what they're doing? Yes, we want to get... They got them on Netflix. They got them on...

Imagine you could sit at home and watch Bill Walton and Mark Rennie on Zoom cameras, blurry as hell. We pick our... What would you have behind? Chotchkees, what Choshkis? Yeah, what would you have behind you, Mark Reddy? Oh, well, I have little golden girls, like, little, like, almost look like play school figures. I have those would be fun.

That would be nice, yeah. And then maybe I would need something to represent, like, an alien franchise. Would you? Yes. You know, I should have gotten you one. I got a-an? An alien. Well, I got this shirt.

I'll show it to you afterwards in Grand Rapids on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour. That was Alien playing pinball with a little alien. like coming out of his mouth looking closely at it. And the pinball is like a sexy alien woman. The pinball is a sexy alien? That he's playing, yeah. Or that she's playing, I guess. Where's the pinball machine in this?

The alien is playing the pinball machine and on the machine is like a sexy alien woman. I see. I'll show it to you later. No, keep describing it. It's one of the most complimented shirts and I've only worn it twice. A word is worth a thousand pictures.

Well said. Thank you. Behind me, I would have, let's see, like probably, what's her name? Anna Nicole Smith. I would have Anna Nicole Smith. Malala. I would have.

Playing poker. You know that dogs playing poker? Yeah. I would have Anne and Nicole Smith. I would have three women on it instead. To say that women playing poker is interesting. Thank you. And women from all walks of life.

Tilly. Jennifer Tilly. No poker master. She is a no poker master. She is, yes. And then... Babs Bunny. Is she a poker player?

No. But is Margaret Thatcher? Go with me on this bill. She's an iron lady. Didn't learn a thing. And so then next to that, like you always need a book. Show people you read.

Show people you read. I would have like MindConf, but with the. Ghostbusters thing around it. So it's like, I don't like this book. Or you should just collect as many copies you can find to keep it out of circulation. You know how the guy's collected

all the Jerry McGuire VHSs? You should just have a wall of mine, mind comp. But it's because... You Nazis can't have these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. But then they'd keep printing them and they'd flood the market

with comps and I'd need to... And that would be mind comp in a way, getting all the mine comps. What a mind fuck? Chris Angel Chris Angel's mindful Boo we hate this show Somehow that was less racist than his last show Is Chris Angel racist?

I assume so I see anyone disposed her name CRISS Yeah The jury's out Unless it's Marquis Chris NBA player Oh he's got an age in there He's fine Thank you

All right Mark I've set you down Because I'm a little bit in my head and I need your advice. So I'm trying to be proper and polite because it's come to my attention that people find me to be a bit of a philistine

or a bit of a bit boorish in social situations. Really? And I know you're so on top of things like that. I'm a real Frazier crane. Yes, you are. I know about all the spoons. And I'm more of a Frazier's dad.

Oh, Martin. Really? Martin Grain. Maher. Frazier. Oh, I see. Were you about to do a Meisner with me? Martin.

Frazier. Martin. No, you've completely lost me. Is that a Meisner technique? Meisner is repeating the same sentence back and forth with somebody. Oh, I only know the term. I don't know the definition. So a Meisner with me.

like give me a sentence uh say a sentence it looks like a lot of bald eagles are dying oh okay that's your sentence so that's all you could say and my response would be can we have a real conversation dad it looks like a lot of bald eagles are dying can we have a real conversation dad it looks like a lot of bald eagles are dying can we have a real conversation dad it looks like a lot of bald Eagles are dying. Can we have a real conversation, Dad? It looks like a lot of bald eagles are dying. It looks like a lot of bald eagles are dying.

It looks like a lot of bald eagles are dying. So it would be like that. Okay. But there's got to be a reason you're changing it. You're trying to get something from me. Oh, I was annoyed. Different. I was annoyed with the exercise.

Yeah. I wanted to see as many missions I could do. I was supposed to be listening to. Jeez. But anyway, so... My character was a narcissist. I want to... Really?

So what do I care what the other person is saying? Well, but here's the thing, Mark, and I don't want to get into the weeds with acting here. But you don't know you're a narcissist, so that can't be a character choice. That's true.

That's a writer. Even narcissists want something. Yeah. One, Dominion, to be left alone. Yes. I want to do what they say. Exactly. Never be questioned.

So that's... And that's why you would be a great actor, Mark, Can we have a real conversation, dad? There's a lot of bald eagles dying. Can we have a real conversation, dad? There's a lot of bald eagles dying. Can we have a real conversation?

There's a lot of bald eagles dying. And see, give me a hug, Mark. That's incredible. Wow, I feel really connected. That's, acting is awesome. We should do hamnet together. We should. They really should the scenery.

I'll be the little boy. Give me out of this movie. I'll be the guy. 15 minutes. Is he a little boy die? Wow, I moved. Well, no wonder. They just watched the most adorable little boy slowly die in front of you.

What a feat was storytelling drive. How did they pull that off? I felt something. You playing Max Rickner on the nature of daylight over a little boy dying? God. What a softball. The great tragedy of all time is that they didn't cast you as the guy behind her when she's watching the play. Down in front.

Has she never seen a play before? What's oldie? Just you know my son. Read the program, you idiot. Your damn husband's a playwright. He's never shared what he's doing all day. You never asked him. What are you writing this for?

Do you think it's a book, you idiot? God. A true groundling is what you would have been. I love wearing a wig backwards. That too. That too. Okay, Mark. I had, I was on.

the most few shows in this comedy bang bang tour and i for foot pain reasons in general comfort don't wear shoes uh on stage in life you know if i don't have to on the basketball court did you wear shoes oh yeah you got that's regulation you got i tried not to oh yeah i tried to wear those little uh foot sock thingies like toe socks those toe socks yeah i find those very disturbing so hey so did my opponents yeah a lot of people like getting their head Looking down disgusted and stuff like that. And so I didn't think twice about it. My feet, my life, my comfort.

I mean, you're, you love tied-eyed. So being barefoot should be no surprise. Should be no surprise. There you go hand and hand. Foot and foot. They go foot and mouth. Disease. So, and then somebody on the internet, Mark, right?

Oh, boy, these knuckleheads. Sees me without my shoes on. And they say, and it's really stuck with me I just stuck with me okay before I ever saw him I thought this guy had a gross energy

sounded a bit messy and slovenly this is I'm quoting the person who's speaking of me okay to the public yes but after seeing him in various clips and now him on stage and bare feet I am quite sure I was right that dude is gross

okay here's my impression of him now Mark I read this at a tough time for me as you may know, I'm having a party at the house. And I want it to be proper. I'm doing a Pride Month party, you know, a dinner party to celebrate pride. You are. Oh, yeah.

Didn't I mention it to you? No, this first I'm hearing you're having a Pride Month party. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just I'm having it over, you know, some good friends, some friends from the queer community. And we're all going to eat good and celebrate. and watch some of our favorite movies. Bill, imagine I threw a boorish basketball coach party and didn't invite you. How would you feel?

Oh, we'll be playing fish. The band. You didn't invite me? This is my Meisner. You didn't invite me, Mark? We'll be playing fish. You didn't invite me, Mark? We'll be playing fish the band.

You didn't invite me, Mark. We'll be playing fish, the band. I want to say other words. This is hard because I want to say on their words. I don't get this. Sane. Sane. Well, Mark, I didn't ever mean to hurt your feelings.

I thought you wouldn't want to come. Of course I would come for a Pride Month party. I'm all about rainbow flags and cupcakes. That's fine. Well, should I get those things? I don't have either of those. If you might as well, undo Stonewall. You don't have a Pride flag and a cupcake.

No, no. And by cupcake, I mean a bakery item. not some sort of sick term for something that happens. I have to be sick. I don't know. I've been like a twink. Oh, a twink getting a cupcake. I thought maybe like cupcaking was like getting a little...

What is cupcake in your head? A little icing on your head topped off. That's disgusting. You know what I mean by icing. Come? Yes, Mark, that's what I mean. That's a lot of cum to cover an entire head. That's why I thought it might be a little gross.

I see, I see. It's like a boo. but just on your skull? A bucob kike. Bukop kike. There we go. There's our new business. Hello, sharks.

I'm sure you're all sick of having just Bukke, but not having any pastry with it. Big nods from the sharks. That's true. Sharks take it to the hospital because I hurt their neck so bad from nodding at this idea. Yes. So you're invited. Okay. If you're free, I'll just have to, for the seating arrangement, would you

rather be next to, let's see, we've got Bruce Valanche. Okay. We've got the female riders of heated rivalry. Wow. Were there any? Well, the writers assistants.

A real who's who? The invitation got passed around and that's who ended up accepting it from that. I see. I just signed the female riders of heated rivalry. So you can sit next to them or you can sit

next to a guy I met at a screening of Pillion. A screening. Yeah, well, just, you know, in the theater. I see. Not like a private screening. Sure, sure. Or you can sit next to noted ally Tony Kushner. I'll pick the pillion guy.

Okay, great. So you'll be on the edge. You'll be edged next to the pillar. I love edging. All right, great. But let me ask you, Mark, because this got under my skin. Because the last thing I want to do is be boorish or embarrassing in front of all of my queer and queer allied friends.

Now you care. I always care. You did? Yes. Okay. I just didn't know this was thought of about me. About being like barefoot? Yes.

Yes. You know, was this the only reaction you got about being barefoot? Well, I scoured the internet. Bill Walton. Bill Walton barefoot. Bill Walton disgusting.

Okay. Bill Walton, annoying. Bill Walton not fun. Bill Walton not funny. And there were some things here and there. This is the one that really stuck with me because the guy had an American dad avatar, the alien from American dad, as his profile.

So I know this guy and I are aligned. Politically, comedically. And it got to me. And so I want to run some things by you that I do that I'm finding out on the internet through comments that people may not like. Because you know it's better about etiquette than people will leave comments on the internet. Of course. Because here's the thing.

It aren't puritanical country market. ready. No one says the truth to your face anymore. No. So you have to go to the internet for the truth now about you. Okay. So I'm going to ask. So first of all, being barefoot, Mark, I'm going to create marks. What do we call it? Mark's scale of acceptability. Okay. So 10, 10 is as acceptable as possible. Okay. One is you wouldn't do this if you had to save your grandmama's life. Okay. I don't know if there's anything. Etiquette wise, I wouldn't do. to perish the thought.

Lick the lid of an ice cream pint. Okay, so you, we'll hold on that one. That's coming. Okay. But number one, barefoot. Barefoot, I feel, is contextual. Contextual. Like, on an airplane, I don't think people should be barefoot, like putting their

bare feet on the backs of seats. I think that's gross. No, but maybe if you're, if you've got someone next to you and you're crossing your leg, away from them barefoot. But I guess if you're in the, window seat. Uh, aisle. No.

So people are like touching against you. You're like this feels like some sort of set of a soda card and everyone that walks by you. Yeah. I feel like that might be a bit of what we call a red flag. That should definitely get you on the no fly list. Okay. I think. I don't necessarily want like a food server being bare.

And there's also something upsetting about like a barber being bare. I don't like the idea of my little clipings lighting on his feet. Something about that is. setting to me. Even though it's not my, I'm picturing, because that would make me picture myself being barefoot getting hair clippings on my foot. Right. And that seems like a nightmare to deal with.

So your mirror neurons would kick on there and you wouldn't want to do that. Yeah. Leave my mirror neurons alone. So be a barefoot, would you do it to save your grandmama's life as a barber? As a barber, if I have to, there's a gun to my grandmother's head. You

better watch cut that hair as your bare feet. oh, your grandmother gets it. First of all, I don't have any experience cutting hair. But I'll give it a shot. Okay, so maybe a three. Maybe a three. It definitely feels like, oh, you're going to do this, you know, that the Venice Beach

Barbershop, you know, they love to cut your hair bare over there. That's how they roll. So you would do that there if some sort of David Desmaltian character had a gun to your grandma's head. Yeah. Yeah. Do you see that late night with the devil? What a turd that was.

People, that's the other than those Reddit horror movies. Everybody's, this movie's so great. Have you watched it? I know you can like the premise, but not like the execution. You can have those distinct thoughts. But you must have liked obsession, Mark Remy. I mean. Don't bait me.

During Pride Month? No, I didn't care for obsession. I'm doing a Byron Allen. but for things you hate. Right. So Mark Reddy, you saw obsession recently, is that right?

Oh boy, did I, Byron? I never thought you'd ask. Let me pull up my letterbox review. No, I didn't care for the obsession. Really?

I'm glad it's a hit. Oh, I'm glad to. It wasn't for me. You could just tell it was written by a straight sketch comedian where a woman wasn't really developed as a character and all. All of a sudden,

why is she moving weird just because that's what other horror movies do? But like she's doing that skits, skis-upied. A unjustified horror. Yeah, it just felt like real tropey, and I thought the story didn't go anywhere at all, surprising.

We're going to do Bill and Mark at the movies later. We'll save this. I'm sorry. You asked me. I know! It's a tee-up. It's a tee-up.

I mean, all right. Bare foot at the movie theaters? No. No. Okay. What about, like, not once you're sitting with your feet up,

but when you're walking to your seat, just because you don't want to get all the sticky stuff on your shoes. So you get on your bare feet? You can you wash those in the shower and the tub in the back of the back. I don't have to see it. You ever try to wash your feet in a movie theater sink because they're all motion activated.

It's one of the hardest things you do. You're flipping like a dolphin under that thing. Water flying everywhere and then trying to get soap out. Half the time the soap doesn't even come out of them. I'm making three rounds at this bathroom. Feet are so, so you got it. During pride months of all times. And I got to the front and I go, I'm sorry.

Could I get one more? Look at this flip. I'm saying sopping wet. I'm A-list. Yeah. I'm A-M-C. A-list. I'd expect this at a regal, but at AMC?

I never. All right, so that's number one. But on stage, I don't know. You're the performer. Okay. I think it's, I think on stage is fine. I don't get. I would just worry about you doing like, because it's like, are you doing like improv running

around moving chairs? It just seems like a safety hazard. You know, so you're saying, On stage, if you're doing improv, for any tag or chair move, put shoes on for safety. I would think that's a good idea. Once you're scenically comfortable, you know how they tell, like, ladies don't wear, like, short skirts on stage? Yes. Tell that to the girl my improv water one glass.

She was wore a short skirt and then crawling. Like, ma'am. Not every character crawls. No. She found a way. Well, thank you, Mark. So you would say maybe a seven on stage of acceptability. 10 being...

10 being fully acceptable. Oh, I guess on stage, yeah. But some people also just disgusted by the mere thought of feet in general. Oh, don't put that on me. I'm disgusted by things. I know, I know, but I'm just saying, just so you know... Yes. No matter what, people are going to have...

Some people are going to have a problem with bare feet. Yeah. Are you barefoot at home? You looked down to my bare feet. I am, but here's the issue, Mark. If we're going to get into the weeds on this, I have not found a house shoe or a slipper that fits on my feet. and doesn't hurt my back when I'm wearing it.

Oh. I get back pain. I get hip pain because it does something with the way I walk. Bill, we all got pain. Dreamgirls. Thank you. And you hit the note perfectly, by the way. Thank you.

People hear me and say, is that Loretta Divine? I've said that. Yeah. I've said you look divine. Thank you. They look like divine. So I try. to have a house shoe, but they all, uh, they all make my body hurt.

Sure. What about socks? They miss a line. Yeah. Yeah, socks I could do, but socks. You don't want to when it's hot out. Sox when it's hot out. Also, I'm, I go barefoot at home.

Yeah. Because to me, that tells me like at the end of the day, I look at the bottom of my feet. They should be clean. Yeah. If it's clean, if it's not clean, then I got to wash this house. I mean, take a look at, put your yogurt down for a second. Take a look at my foot close to your face. Look how clean.

that is. Wow. So I know I've got in the house. It's like a ivory bar. Yes. I had so many things in my etiquette list that we've been somehow getting off topic over and over again. Let me get out to the What do you mean? Some of your topics.

I thought you were talking about Nikolai Topich, the NBA draft pick. I usually am. Thunder picked up who has he got through some health issues recently, but he'll be strong when he gets out there. COVID, hand in a meat grinder. Both?

Cut off the tip of his thumb on a paper cutter. No. Does he Macromaine again? All right, Mark. What about this one? Picking your nose. And I'll give you three places. Your nose.

Left nostril, right, natural. Your friend's nose. Okay. Your house in a car, among company, in your own home. Uh, not among company. Never, never acceptable.

Okay. I don't want to see that. In a car, you shouldn't. In a car, you shouldn't. Because also, I think people realize, like, we can all see you. You are not in bubbles, unless you have, like, really tinted windows. Yeah, which I don't. I've got open windows.

Open door policy. Yeah, I've got an open door policy. Come into my car. Ask me a question. Where do you want to go? I'll give you the jocks, ox cord. I'm passing the ox to other cars. I got a 40-foot ox.

And so I'm lasso throwing it. And I'm like, what are we listening to, baby? What is this little house on the prairie? I'm side by side. Yeah. No, not a 40-foot oxen. Oh. That's a big ox.

Pass me that ox, baby. When times get tough, we had to kill the ox to eat. Pass the ox. He's hogging the ox over there. He's really hog and the yunks. Okay. But at home, yeah, it's fine. But you should also like wash your hands.

Use a tissue, wash your hands. Okay. Even if you use a tissue washer hands. Everyone should be washing their hands more. Okay. Well, you, I already know the answer to my next question, which is using the bathroom after only a pee, wash hands. Yes. Full soap.

Yeah, full soap. The whole 30 seconds. What's the point? You can just do water. There's so many guys who just like use the urinal and then just like, leave in a public restroom yeah i'm saying at home though in your nice clean bathroom i mean would i be lying if i said i wash my hands every time yes okay so most of the time most of the time you're washing your hands yeah because you also you should be washing your hands that's how

you keep uh prevent uh the spread of illness but you want to get a little bit of germs in your mouth so that i just want a little just a little taste a little touch of the taboo A little spice. Or you'll get Yungi in with it. You'll get really sick later on and put all the germs in your mouth if you're not putting a little in all the time. Is that like getting jiggy with it? Is that the follow-up? He needs to do something.

Did he just release a song? Nobody cared. Young or Will Smith? You release a song. Nobody cares. Yes, yeah. I love girls. Yeah.

All types of girls. You're like, Jung, come on. Yeah. These symbols of your dreams Might mean something or not I don't really know young Ian Um, well yeah, Ditsy Didsy?

Huh? Do you call me Ditsy? Ditsy. All right, so washing hands. Dead Sea Lovato, that anything? Uh, Dead Sea Lovato. Oh, I took a float and I liked it.

taste of that salty water. It sounds like Israel's top pops. Don't look behind that wall. I should not do that accent. I'm giving you full permission, Mark, ready. Thank you, Bill Walton. Okay. All right.

So in front of my queer and queer allied guests, don't pick your nose. Don't pick my nose. For sure. Now, when I wash my hands, afterwards I come out, do I say, another nice hand wash or like I sure washed my hands in there.

Another good hand job. Do you say that after you come out of the bathroom? Another great hand job. The proof is in the pudding. Here's one. I didn't flush. Here's one, Mark. See it for yourself.

Is it okay? Now, sometimes I say I have to use the restroom or something like that. Oh, sure. Or, you know, my stomach's a little upset. Is it ever acceptable to say, I'm feeling a little horny, right? right now. Or I had a great hand job, but now I feel better. I could. I say, what's the context? Am I cutting

your hair? I guess all of this is barber. Is I barefoot cutting your hair? You're my barber. I'm barefoot cutting here. I'm feeling a little horny right now. I assumed why don't we get to, because I like to talk about that stuff the same way I talk about anything else. I'm hungry.

I have to pee. I'm horny. I think the hornyness. Horny definitely amongst close friends. Okay, you can say that. I think depending on how well you know the friends and how open your communication is with them. But if people don't know you well, they're not going to, it's going to be tough to interpret it. Like, is this a come on? Like, if you say you're hungry, that doesn't necessarily mean you're expecting me to make you a meal. Right. But if you tell me you're horny, I'm not quite sure. Like, are you expecting me to help you out with that? And that's a societal problem. I'm just announcing I'm hungry.

What's the solution? I'm not saying cook for me. We all have to say it more often. Like right now, Mark, I am maybe two out of a hundred in horniness. That's nothing. Well, because right before you got here, I ejaculated. Oh, I see. That explains this puddle I'm sitting in. You don't have any rags in this house? No, the rags are filthy.

Jesus. The easy chairs are clean. They're easy. Easy. So you take on your grandma's life, you would not. It's a tough scale. I can't think of anything etiquette-wise, like curbinger enthusiasm level of awkwardness. I'd rather my grandmother die than people.

I wouldn't let my grandmother die over this. Okay. But I think that's for your pride dinner. No need to. No need to go there. You can say you're hungry or I can't wait to. Maybe frame it as like, I can't wait to eat. Oh, that would be.

So I'm leaning over to Buttigieg. Yeah. Okay, Buttigieg. I can't wait to eat. Bussy. Oh, ho, ho,

ho, ho. Yes, that's very interesting. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of Coleman Domingo. Do you know what I mean? Who does?

That'd be devastating. He's so proper. He's so confident. Yeah. You know, I walk out of the bathroom and Coleman Domingo goes, did you wash your hands?

You can't lie. I can't lie. So you're saying I'll have to have washed my hands. You should definitely. So definitely wash your hands regardless. Even after just a peepee. Yes. It is fine.

I feel like coming out of the breath, there's only time it's okay to shake someone's hands with wet hands. Yeah. Because you just say like, oh, I just wash my hands. That should be a Meisner. I just wash my hands. That's why they're so wet. I just wash my hands.

Well, that's why they're so wet. I just wash my hands. That's why they're so wet. I just wash my hands. That's why they're so wet. I just wash. wash my hand. That's why they're so wet. I just washed my hand. That's why they're so

wet, dad! I just washed my hand! That's why they're so wet! You had a dad there. Did they always just end up arguing? That happens every time I do one of these. Something to explore. Either arguing or kissing, yeah. Sure, sure. That's theater class.

I think you could announce you're hungry, looking forward to eat. I think that's socially acceptable. Okay. Well, I'm looking forward to this. But I think any time you address the biological is when maybe you get into a bit of a danger zone. Okay, even though I'm in touch

with my biological elements, I don't need to be announcing that to people who might be a little more closed off. Yeah, or like just getting to know you still. Yes, okay. Getting to know me. Getting to know about you. Okay, etiquette wise, politics at the dinner table.

What's your opinion? I lean pretty progressive. All right, progressive about talking about politics. You're progressive about talking about your conservative politics. They say they're not supposed to. to keep it light. But it's what we're thinking about. And these dinners, it's all small talk.

I'm big talk, mock. There was a great, did you watch this last season, a couple's therapy? Yes, I'm only, I've got two or three left. Well, she does a great thing with this couple, one's the guys, like, wrote it for Trump and the other, his wife's, like, really progressive. That poor brain dead little boy in a big man's body.

Yeah. But she asked them, which I thought was like, interesting. Bridge was like, what do you think the other person values? Right. Right. And that's when they were both like, When you put in those terms, both people sounded very reasonable. Him a little less. Him a little less. But he, you know what I mean?

She goes, she goes, she's talking about how, but she's scared for people getting taken off our streets by ice. And he goes, well, I didn't know. I don't know what happened to that one guy, but that's too bad. Yeah. It's like, you think just one guy got arrested by ice? Does that one guy? It happened that one time.

I can relate to that one guy. That single incident. Yeah. But you're right. throwing a brick through a Barney's Beanery probably. You do empathize with someone if you just know what they care about.

Yeah, I think you almost have to remove the politic, like the noise of the internet. So I don't know. It's best to avoid it, but I'm usually in like, you know, I'm in Los Angeles. Although there's pretty conservative people here. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

I mean... Step foot into a pet boys. The pet boys. Stodge conservative. All three. in the upstate files. Yeah, triple underline poise on that.

Yeah. Oh no. Too much pep. Well, Mark, this has been really helpful for me. Thank you so much. So at this party, I will come in with my shoes on.

Okay. I will, if I have boogies, which I will, I will pick them privately and then I will wash my hands. Okay. Even if I just wash them from peeing.

Yeah. Okay. It is something dirty after that. And then it's not like it cancels out anything. It's not like you have a clean hand window. The soap doesn't hang for a while or anything like that. Soap is just there for friction. It's process.

Soap is just there for friction. That's all soap is. It's providing friction to remove the dust and stuff. It's not like lingering about giving you like a glow, a protective shield. Soap makes things slippery. What do you mean by friction? I don't know how you're using it. is loop

soap hands no one wants to smell like lavender breeze it cleans and it pleases linen clean linen lube

I'm not fucking a sheet what am I uh what's his name David Duke's whore the whole the old

catchphrase comes out again what am I David Duke's whore Whole audience saying it And use all of Madison Square Garden Saying it with you Why wasn't I on the tour?

All the merch they can make You're hurting for merch? We're all sold out of David Duke's horse shirts Already? Well, Mark, and then at the end When I'm starting to talk to my fellow allies and LGBT plus people, I will say

what I care about, not how they're wrong or who I'm mad at. That's my better way to frame. Although, yeah, for sure. That seems like a good tactic. Yeah. Like, why is Carl's Jr. so expensive? I'm spending so much money at Carl's Jr.

Yeah, what are you getting? combo? Yeah, I get a combo. I get the chicken club combo. They changed the bread on it, which is pissing me off. It's sourdough. I was looking to DoorDash the other day. Mark, I love to be a very important issue for me.

And I want you to hear why it's important to me. Go on. They change the bread to sourdough. And I'm like, who are you, Jack in the box? You're Carl. You know what I mean? Yes. And then I'm getting waffle fries.

Just a medium, Mark, Ronnie. And so medium waffle fries, diet, Dr. Pepper, club chicken sandwich sandwich, $15. Oh, that's not too bad. You're disinvited. What? You're disinvited. Well, you know. You have to agree with me to come to one of these parties.

A lot of bald eagles are dying. Okay. Stop changing the subject to Mark. I went to look into door dashing Dave's hot chicken the other day. It was going to be $30. I can't justify spending $30 on hot chicken. It's just fried chicken with. And one thing, a white bread.

Bring a white bread, Mark. Yeah. I don't even eat that white bread. It's soaked in paprika. You get this Dave's Hot Chicken Starring the paprika? She's called Dave's Hot Paprika. It's barely chicken.

It's not a thing you get delivered either because you want it fresh. It's not going to travel. You don't want it soaked and wet. That's the only thing I learned from COVID. Fries don't travel.