Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Eric Andre, Lauren Lapkus (Totally Todd)

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

This is part 1 of our Totally Todd series. It’s the meeting of the fake talk show hosts as Eric Andre makes his makes his first appearance on this week’s b-b-b-bonus-s-s-s episode of Comedy Bang! Bang! After a chat about cross over episodes, ska, and bass lines, Scott’s missing nephew Todd shows up looking a bit different. 

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, and welcome to another Bonus Bang, where we re-release earlier episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from behind the paywall! Now, this is a very special series we're about to embark upon. This series of Bonus Bang we are calling Totally Todd! That's right, we're releasing some of the all-time classic episodes with my nephew Todd, played by Lauren Lapkus. Lauren, of course, a long time addition to the show, but there was a time when she was one of the newcomers

on the show, and it's been over a decade since then, but it certainly felt like she was a fresh, new voice when she first came on the scene. And this is one of her classic characters, Todd, my nephew. She came in with this character and told me that he was going to be my nephew. And it gets very personal between us. So if you're new to Comedy Bang Bang,

first of all, thank you for being here. This is a great chance to catch up with some of the long running jokes and characters of the show. And if you're already a regular listener of Comedy Bang Bang, this is also a great chance for you to relive some of our most beloved episodes. Our first episode of Totally Todd is Todd's Life 2.0. This has Eric Andre as our first guest and then Lauren playing Todd, and was originally released on October 10th, 2013. So of course,

if you like what you hear and you wanna hear the entire CBB Archive, you can become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com where you can find every single episode we've ever recorded as well as every live episode. We will be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Until then, enjoy this bonus bang! Come si bang bang Come si bang bang Come si bang bang

Bang I may have muscular shapely arms but socially I'm hopeless. The only thing I can throw is a party. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. I don't believe that's true. Haha, about my muscly arms? Don't be hard on yourself. Not today.

I know, today of all days too. I'm a little distracted. We'll go into that in a second. I do on with the show. The show must go on. The show must go on. Welcome to the show that of course, oh I forgot to mention who that was from. That is a catchphrase from your uncle the one with the. Thank you so much. If you have a catchphrase go set it. Go set it. just say it we'll find you welcome to comedy banking this is Scott Aukerman your host and across the table from me today boy oh boy it's a meeting of the fake talk show hosts people keep trying to get us together. It's Jiminy Glick.

That's right. I love Jiminy Glick. I love you too. Welcome Eric Andre from the Eric Andre Show. Thank you for having me. How are you? First timer. Yes.

First time on my show. Yes. But now you and I have not- Popped my cherry, spread my legs wide open, get my butthole all wet right now. Do you consider your butthole to be your cherry? Yep. I have an anal hymen that I popped in karate class. I did a roundhouse kick and it burst.

Eric, you have never been on the show before and a lot of people, and I sort of alluded to this in your intro, but a lot of people try to get us to do interviews together, especially when your show and my show came out around the same time, I think. Yes. Because you and I both do sort of what they perceive to be new talk shows or fake talk shows. And so in a lot of people's minds,

there is a battle between us of who is the best. People are trying to start a Tupac Biggie feud between us, but I'm not gonna let it happen, brother. I'm not gonna go for it. I'm not gonna go for it. You and I have known each other a while. I do think we should have a no holds bar cage match, like barbed wire WWF death battle.

Definitely to the death. Yeah, to the death. Definitely. But not out of hatred for one another. No, no, we would like each other the whole time and when I ripped out your throat, I would probably cry to the heavens, no! No, my friend.

I'd feel terrible about it. Why did I do this to my friend? But I, you know, I just, and this just struck me, what if your show and my show did a crossover episode like yeah when CSI and Two and a half men did their crossover episode That's not true. It is yes. I was gonna say the Simpsons and the critic. Yeah. Well, yeah I was like stones Jetsons. I think the CSI two and a half men one was real it is real But I think it wasn't that sounds like a mess. Was it awesome? I don't think it was a crossover,

meaning the characters crossed over. I think what it was was the writing staff switched shows. So the writers from CSI wrote Two and a Half Men for a week and vice versa. That's really bizarre. It's really strange. I really want to see both those episodes. I only watched the Two and a Half Men one,

and it was done like a CS CSI episode where they were investigating something and they kept like flashing into Charlie Harper's body. That's like I almost have more They have like more Cred with me now credibility credibility. That's short for credibility That's cool. Yeah, it doesn't seem like they do something something that cute. What's the best crossover that you can think of? I mean, you thought of the Simpsons and the Critics. The Simpsons Critic came to mind first.

I don't know, there's not a lot of them. What do I have to pick from? They used to have them all the time, like, you know, different strokes, facts of life. Yeah, it was really exciting when they had them. What's another one that I'm thinking of right now? Family Matters. Oh, Family Matters and Just the Ten of Us?

Full House? When did that happen? Oh, Full House. That never happened. Where Urkel, Urkel was in both of them. Now I remember. It's all coming back to me now. Urkel was in both of them? Yeah.

Who would, maybe, does Hannibal come over to my show? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. And Reggie goes over to yours. That's what I was thinking I have Reggie for an up and you have Hannibal for an up. I would do it or Or we could get Real bizarro and it's Hannibal and Reggie do bang bang And then I'm your sidekick. How come I get relegated to sidekick role? And then neither of us show up to my show.

It's just empty. It's just an empty set. What if it's just you and I both switch and those guys stay the same? Like we vice versa into each other's body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Body switching. Body swap.

We get electrocuted at the same time? Mm-hmm. We get not from the same source either. We just happen to both get electrocuted at the exact same moment from two different things. I buy the science behind that. I wonder if any two human beings in the world have ever been electrocuted at exactly the same time. Oh, I'm sure.

No, I don't think so. Yeah. I think it's statistically impossible. No. Did you see that Full House Family Man is crossover? Oh, that's true. No, you're right. There you go.

So Eric, your show is back. It's back. You're back, baby. I made your way. Back, back, back, back, true. No, you're right. There you go. So Eric, your show is back. It's back. You're back, baby. A major wave. Back, back, back, back, back. Your Adult Swim. Yeah. Right off the bat.

Let's talk about it. Your show is on it. Let's get into it. Adult Swim. Let's move on from there to say that it's on Thursdays. Oh, it's on Thursdays. What time? 12.30 at night.

12.30 at night. Do you like that time slot or do you think that your ratings would be higher if it were earlier? I do like that time slot. I think that's the right time. You're going right up against Fallon's monologue! The part that everyone loves! I think it's like an appropriate

time. It's a talk show-ish time and it's I don't know, it's like a appropriate time. It's a talk show-ish time and it's, I don't know, it's like right when the bong rips are flowing like wine. How many Eps episodes are you doing this season? Cease. What was my abbreviation before? It was Cred. Cred Epsies.

Cred Epsies. My favorite actor by the way. Cred Epsies. Cred Epsies. My favorite actor, by the way. Cred Epsies. Cred Epsies. He's so good. My favorite canter, actually. Cred Epstein. Ten.

Ten big ones. Ten big ones, meaning 15 minutes. 15 minutes. Huge, huge ones. You did a 45-minute New Year's Eve one, I remember. Do you like the 15-minute better or the 45-minute? I like the 15 minute better or the 45 minute? I like the 15 minute better. I think it's like leave the viewer wanting more rather

than giving them too much. The New Year's thing was a special, so it was a little bit different. And I think a New Year's special kind of wants to be long. Did you count down the ball or was it, like did you count down the New Year's Eve? The ball dropping is what I mean. We count down the ball or was it like did you count down to New Year's Eve the ball dropping? We count down. Did you count down the ball? That's one of those phrases that everyone knows what it means. We counted down to

New Year's and then we counted down to 1206 a.m. Great you gotta do everything different Eric. What is with you? You know what? I just turn it on its head. I don't know where it comes from. What is going on with you? Come on, man. I've been meaning to talk to you about it. I don't like your attitude on the show. I'm glad you brought that up because enough is enough. Yeah, come on, man. Because you know, the interview that we, when we interviewed each other last year for Time in New York, I sent that article to my

parents but I forgot that I mentioned I got arrested in it. They got arrested? No, I got arrested. Oh you got, oh you didn't? I told you I got arrested. They didn't know that you got arrested? No. Eww buddy. And I totally just sent it to them. I was like, oh cool, this came out. Didn't even finish reading it. And just like, like as soon as I saw it forwarded to them, and then they're like, I I had to have a talk with my parents. So your parents don't approve of you doing the show or getting arrested or both? No, of course they approve of me doing the show.

But no, they're just worried. You say, of course they approve of you doing the show. Well, I was so broke. Like my parents approve of my show, which is not the case. I was so dirt broke before the show got, you know, just the fact that... And then you're rolling an adult swim, honey. I'm making a hundred bucks a year. Ten, fifteen minute episodes.

So they, what did they say to you? They were just worried. I don't know. And I just had to be like, no, no, no. I just like kind of like downplayed it. And I just had to be like, no, no, no. I just like, kind of like downplayed it. And I was like, hey, so I just changed the subject. Did you get actually convicted of whatever crime you were arrested for? No. It was two misdemeanors and they were both reduced to infractions.

But still, I still have to have a 20-minute conversation with whatever cop is at the Canadian border every time I play. Really? Toronto or Montreal. And what do they say? They say. They're like, you want to tell us what happened last March, 2012? And I'm like, yeah, I did a hidden camera prank where I dressed up like a frat boy with a backwards Odools hat on.

And I went to a town hall meeting in Rancho Cucamonga and while the mayor was talking I ran up to the podium and screamed vote for me for class president and I'll put beer in the water fountains and cameras in the girls locker rooms go Bobcats and there were 12 sheriffs there and they politely escorted me outside and I was all like don't't tase me, bro. And then when they asked what my name was, I told them my name was Jazz Legend Ornette Coleman. And then I went to jail.

Now, the only thing that sounds illegal in that is telling them it was Jazz Legend Ornette Coleman. No, that was one of my charges. But they actually, like, what was it? Distur disturbing the peace and lying to a cop which is something he sounds it's like It sounds way more technical. I think that that disturbing the peace law. I think that's bullshit because Technically a cop a cop can just say to anyone. Hey, you're disturbing the peace It is it's a catch-all kind of bullshit thing that's left up. I don't like it.

It's subjective. I don't like it. Fight the power. Mm-hmm. You always stroke me as a public enemy type of guy. I really am. Well, Elvis was a legend to most. He never meant shit to me.

Straight out racist. What is this little buckle under this table? That's my belt buckle. Go ahead and pull on it if you like. Oh, I've been jacking you off this entire time. Thank you. I didn't want to say anything. I've been enjoying this interview immensely.

So you're back. You have 10 episodes. You already have premiered last week, but Thursday's 1230 at night. And then to top it all off, to put the cherry on the whipped cream, which is the, technically the whipped cream is the topping of a sundae, but the cherry is the topping on the topping. Yes. To do all that, you're actually going on. Don't even ask the question.

Great, there. Move on. Okay. What do you think? You're going on tour. Yes, I'm going on tour. Several tour dates, but I forget all of them. But you're going on tour with the Eric Andre show.

Yes. Which is different than you as a stand-up comedian? Yeah, we do the talk show live. So I come out, I destroy the set, I interview people, we show videos. It's a lot of fun. And does Hannibal come or is he? Hannibal does come. I'm not sure if he's coming on this tour.

I will know by the end of this week. He's a very busy young man. By the time you're hearing this, we'll know if Hannibal comes or not. Yes. Yeah, we're figuring that out now. He has done the majority of the live shows, but he's a very busy young gentleman

because he is on a rocket ship to the moon. Same thing with Reggie in my tour. Reggie has his own wonderful magical adventures to go on. He can't follow me around on tour. Yes. I thought Reggie was going to be here. Does Reggie do the podcast now? I mean, once a year, maybe. He does the theme song.

He used to do the theme song every week and then bolt out. How did you and Reggie start collaborating? Collabo. Collabo. Cred. Yeah, he was on this show. He did the theme song. And so when, much like you, I would imagine,

when with you and Hannibal, was it the same kind of thing where they said you need a sidekick? Hannibal was in it from the beginning, from when we shot the presentation. I shot the presentation on my own, on my own dime in this abandoned bodega in Brooklyn years ago, 2008, 2009. And Hannibal was written in, like the earliest versions Hannibal was written in, I scripted it out I think in 2007.

But you knew you needed a sidekick. Yeah, and I just thought Hannibal was perfect because he's like the opposite energy and he I knew he would ground the whole show and he but he but he was still like comedically I feel like we were both like doing yeah kind of sound kind of shit man but he just liked to have that odd couple dynamic on on the screen would be beneficial and you guys speaking of the screen you guys light up the screen every time you're on. Thank you. Dynamite.

I want you to come out with a crooner kind of album. I always wanted to, actually. I want you to have a Brandy Sifter in your hand. Yeah, Reggie and I, same thing. I knew I needed a sidekick, and he did the theme song to this podcast. But you guys have been bros for a while. You guys have known each other for a long time or what?

I mean we've known each other in the sense of like... For years. I booked that show at UCB and MBAR and so I would have them on those places and see them at festivals. You know? Yeah, comedians, we all know each other, right? We're all friends. We're all bros.

We all bro out. I don't know if we're all friends. There's some beef... Comedians don't get along with each other as much as I thought they would. Let's talk about the beefs. There's a lot of beefs. I don't have if we're all friends. There's some beef. Comedians don't get along with each other as much as I thought they would. Let's talk about the beefs. What beefs are technically... There's a lot of beefs. I don't have any beefs. I've squashed my beefs, but... Who did you used to have beefs with and you can talk in the general terms or you can talk very, very specifically? I want to be very vague. I don't know. Comics are so sensitive that I'm not even sure

I wanna talk about old people. Yeah, because if you talk about an old beef, all of a sudden it's happening again. It opens up a wound, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know, I think comedians are very sensitive. People can be a little neurotic and insecure. Are you sensitive? Very sensitive.

I think I'm very sensitive, yeah. What hurts your feelings? What could someone say to hurt your feelings? Oh girls hurt my feelings women hurt me. I get easily heartbroken and You know, I want to feel accepted and I want the validation of strangers and validation of other comedians Do you keep track of what people say about your show and what people say about you and what people say about your act I It depends on who it's coming from if it's from some like racist lunatic 12 year old on Twitter

Harassing me that I don't then you definitely pay attention. I definitely I'm all ears. How can I convert this guy? But if it's like a comedian I admire or just a good friend or somebody whose work I like, then I'm sensitive about that. Or a girl I really like. What's the nicest compliment that a comedian has given you? Can you think of anything like that? What was a thrill for you? Someone you admire ever say they're a fan of your work?

No, I try to push the compliments out of my mind. What? Because I want to feel like some drive. I don't want to get comfortable. No, I don't know. I can't tell you off the top of my head. You know, Magic Johnson came up to me, and he was like, good shit, man.

Had you just done something? Or just he, wow. No you just done something? No. Or just he, wow. No, none of this is true. I just like, that would be cool though, right? Well I'm sorry to put you on this spot. If you could. I will get back to you on that.

Could you get back to me and we'll drop it in here? So just, could you say a sentence and we'll drop in? Yeah. It was when weird Al Yankovitch came up to me and he says, sweet mama mia, pasta primavera. And he kissed me on the lips and slapped me across the face. So none of, you just said that sentence with none of the details and we dropped him in a little later.

So I'm excited to hear this episode to hear exactly who did what to you. But- I want you to edit this episode all out of order. So it just sounds like some weird John Cage art. Tell people about your show if they don't know anything about it. I don't know any person who wouldn't.

It is a talk show. Everyone has, everyone ever, and that has ever existed has seen it, but I'll just explain it to people to remind them. It's a talk show. It's a dysfunctional talk show. I play a dysfunctional talk show host. And I have a co-host named Hannibal Burruss.

When you say dysfunctional, you're not functioning correctly? Is that what you mean? Yeah. I just mean it's not Jay Leno. I'm just, it's not quite Jay Leno. I would say every talk show but The Tonight Show is not Jay Leno. That's true.

I would say Jay Leno has a more conservative approach than the way my show's run. And you're not talking politics. You're talking the content. Well, who knows? That's the great thing about Jay is, like, he does a couple of jokes about the Republicans. He does a couple of jokes about the Republicans, he does a couple of jokes about

the Democrats, you don't know where his politics are. Why would you want to alienate half of your audience? You know what I mean? Now me personally, me personally, I'm not afraid to say that all of a sudden Barack Hussein Obamacare has opened up October 1st and I'm stinking mad about it. I'm not afraid, I thought you were gonna say, I'm not afraid to say that 9-11 never happened. It's a conspiracy.

No, I'm not one of those truthers. No, thank you. 9-11 never happened, the towers are still there. That date in fact did not exist. It went from September 10th to the 12th that year. Yeah, that's what a lot of people don't know is the... It's a leap year. It was a leap year.

The Roman calendar has never had a date called September 11th on it. We have all been brainwashed. I watched Zeitgeist. I get it. I get it. Mass hypnosis. Uh-huh. So, your show is a little...

I have to give a shout out to my friend, Devin Nelson. He is a huge fan of Comedy Bangtan. Oh, hello, Devin. He is a huge- I have to give a shout out to my friend Devin Nelson. He is a huge fan of Comedy Bangtan. Oh, hello Devin. He is a huge, huge fan. That's very nice. Yeah, he's my good buddy from, he's like a brother to me. He's like a real brother from another mother

of a different color. Where are you from, by the way, Pittsburgh? From Florida, Florida. So close. So very close. Boca Raton, Florida. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Boca Raton, Florida. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Boca Raton, Florida. 3-3-4-8-4.

Is that the zip code or the area code? Just a bunch of random numbers. You just like to say. I have no idea what the zip code is. What's the area code? It changed a bunch. It was originally 407 when I was little, then it went to 561.

Mm-hmm. Where are you from? Seattle? I'm from around here, actually. LA? Yeah, why would you think Seattle? You seem like a Seattle kind of grunge kind of guy. Grunge?

Yeah. Why do I seem like a grunge guy to you? Seattle, you got the hoodie, you got the Husker-do CD. I'm sorry, I am carrying a Husker-do CD. They're from Minneapolis, but I. I'm going to Seattle for my first time. On the tour? Yeah.

You've never been? Never been. Why not? Just never got around to it. Never had an opportunity to, never got asked to play a show there. Wow. It's great.

Yeah, I don't know anybody that lives there. A lot of comedy fans up there. You've never done Bumper Shoot? Never done Bumper Shoot. It's great up there. Where are you playing when you're in Seattle? Oh man, I should really do a spring grab on my tour thingy. No problem, we'll just drop it in.

We'll drop it in right now. Can you drop it in? Yeah, here you go. Can you pull it up? It's on Adult Swim's website. Maybe just Eric Andre Adult Swim Tour or something. Something like that. We'll get all these dates by the plugs.

Okay, good. All right, good. We have to take a break. How long have you been doing this show? This is four and a half years at this point. Yeah? Yeah. What do you think?

Four and a half years. You think I'd be better at it? No, I think you're fantastic. Oh, here we go. The Crocodile. Seattle at the Crocodile. Crocodile. Have you been there?

I have not. Are you familiar with Seattle? I'm familiar with crocodiles. OK. So what was that? Was that like a little ding? Splatoon? Do we have sound effects on this show now? What is happening?

I'm familiar a little bit with Seattle. I've been there maybe five times. I was just there for Bomber Shoot. But you went to Hollywood High? High school? No, no. I went to the Orange County High School of the Arts. You were in Orange County or you were in LA?

Orange County, yeah. Oh, you were in Orange County? Okay. Yeah, yeah. So you say up around here, not LA? No, not LA proper, no. Not LA proper. But Southern, so Cal. Yeah, yeah. So you say up around here, not LA? No, not LA proper, no. Not LA proper. But Southern, SoCal? Yeah, yeah, right on the Long Beach border.

School of the Arts? Oh, you're a musical guy? Yeah, yeah. That's right. West Side Story? I did West Side Story once, yeah. I was Officer Cronkey. Bernstein. Awesome, right? Yep. Leonard. Oh, Leonard. You know he would have sex with everybody. Men, women.

He was fucking everybody in his orchestra. That's the way to do it. Just work your way through the woodwinds. Yeah. If you know what I mean. Meaning you're gonna have sex with all the people who play the woodwind instruments. What's your favorite, what are you, Oklahoma?

What's your favorite? I did Oklahoma. I was currently in Oklahoma, yeah. What about Les Mis? I have never done Les Mis. Did you see the Anne Hathaway movie? I did. What'd you think?

She and Jake Gyllenhaal had a lot of chemistry, I thought. You watch musicals with a critical eye. I did. What did you think? She and Jake Gyllenhaal had a lot of chemistry, I thought. You watch musicals with a critical eye. I do. If you're talking about Les Mis, I... Not a fan. ...enjoyed it. The problem with Les Mis is they cast a lot of stars who maybe could not sing all that well.

Right. And Hathaway was great. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, I don't know. What's your favorite musical? My favorite musical is probably Sweeney Todd. Yeah? I always picture you as a por is probably Sweeney Todd. Yeah? I always picture you as a porgy and best kind of guy.

Really? What's your favorite music? You seem to know a lot about it. Dancer in the Dark with Bjork. My wife walked out of that literally with 10 minutes ago. She looked at me and said, I can't take it anymore. Walked out and hung out in the lobby. So depressing.

It's just like, by the time they were like hanging her, it just was like, she was like, yeah, this is about it. Hey, spoiler alert, dude, come on, you're ruining it for people that haven't seen it. Everyone in the movies gets hanged at the end of the movie, so it's not really a spoiler alert when it happens in every single movie. Do you like musicals though? Or do you think they're...

I've never been, I've never been, I been... They've never... Appealed to you? Appealed to me. But you know a lot about them. But I like... I actually did like Dancer in the Dark. Yeah. There was another musical I think I liked. I don't remember.

But you know, because I played in Dorquestra. I was in an orchestra. What did you play? I was an upright bass player. I went to Berklee. I went to a music school. You did? Really?

So you must be really good. I sucked. Berklee's living off a lie. It's a joke. I mean, it's a 75-year-old guy. I mean, he's a 70-year-old guy. I mean, he's a 70-year-old guy. I mean, he's a 70-year-old guy. I went to Berklee. I went to a music school. You did? Really? So you must be really good. I sucked.

Berklee's living off a lie. It's a joke. I mean, it's a 75% acceptance rate. You have to write two essays to get in. There's not even an audition. They never even hear you play? They don't even hear you play. I think I did audition to get a scholarship, but the audition wasn't necessary.

It's totally like selling kids a dream. They used to be. I think they're living off their rep. Juilliard's the same way. Reputation. Reputation. Apologize. Totally like selling kids a dream. They used to be I think they're living off their rep. Juilliard's the same way reputation reputation apologize Juilliard's the same way really I think Juilliard has a rigorous audition process But I don't think it's as good as it used to be did you think you were good going into Berkeley?

No, I I got better once I got to school, but upright bass is hard. It's really hard Why did you start? Electric bass player and cello player and it just seemed like the natural progression and I liked the way the instrument looked and sounded. Did you sort of feel bad that you missed out on the... I would take trumpet or drums if I did it all over again. Do you feel bad you missed out on the ska scene? No, I got the tail end of it. Like those whole squirrel nut zippers type things?

No, I was right in the heart. You were in there? I was right in the heart of third wave ska. Oh yeah. Skavuvian the Epitones and all that stuff. Anything with ska on its name? Skadalites. Skadalites.

They were first wave, I think. That was the original ska. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like second wave. Yeah, me too. I've been getting into the first wave recently, but I like it. First and second are for me. Third wave, no thank you. Third wave, yeah. I like first and second are for me. Thank you

Third one less than Jake. Give me a break. Yeah, try try being more than Jake next time You know what I mean? You're a squirrel. That's a first fan. Uh I actually when I was in high school I went around to a lot of the second wave like sort of post second wave late 80s bands The you know, Donkey Show fishbone like two wave, late 80s bands, you know, Donkey Show, Fishbone. Like two and a half wave. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Fishbone, that's great. Yeah, they were my favorite band. They rocked. They were amazing live. They were amazing live. They were amazing, but like I listened to a CD and I just be like, and then I'd see them live and I'd be like, whoa!

Their first EP, great, great, like their best recording. That's what I got to get. You've got to burn me a thing or something. But what was I going to say? So you, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the bass. So you, what's your favorite bass line? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, ba-da-da-do.

Boom, da-da-da-do. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum No! Let's play us out though with one of those bass lines. We'll be right back with Comedy Bang Bang after this. Reggie watch out, I'm digging your job. Reggie watch out. Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom. Bom bom bom bom bom. Ehhhh? Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with Eric Andre and I thought that interview went really

well considering. Swimmingly. Considering, I mean, just like how my mindset is right now. I told you before we started recording about what's going on with me. So it's, you know, I think it went well though. I really enjoyed that. Yeah, I feel bad for you. I know.

I'm worried about you. Well, I'm not necessarily worried about myself, like the. Yeah necessarily as much as I'm worried about Todd, you know I mean, it's oh, yeah, it's odd point. Oh, I Mean, that's funny, but it's not really something to joke about right now because Todd sorry. I'm Sorry just to catch people up. I was mentioning this Eric before we started but my nephew Todd who has been on the show before Went missing a week ago and we were at a carnival, and- Oh, that Todd. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

You were thinking of Todd.0? I was. Oh, that's why you said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. Okay, I thought you were making a joke about my nephew Todd saying Todd. Yeah, I was. I was. No, Todd.no was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a great show. OK, I'm sorry to shut you down on that one. Oh, yeah. That was really weird. I thought you were being insensitive to mine. Hey, Brett, someone's at the door. Can we get this door locked? Or I'm trying to be?

I'm coming in, so whatever. I'm in here. Todd! Hey! Todd! Hey! Todd! You knew it was me. I knew it was you, what do you mean? I mean, I look really different.

I know your voice, I hadn't turned my head yet to look at you. Hey, look at me. Oh my God! Todd, you look hot as shit. I'm 30 years old. You're getting my butt cheeks on bubble right now. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I'm trying to process this, you're saying that. What is happening right now? A lot of info coming at you, brother. Todd shows up banging on the door. All I know is I was looking this way. I heard a knock on the door. I did not turn my head to see who was going to walk in. I hear my nephew Todd's voice.

I turn and there's a 30 year old man here. Did you miss me or what? Todd, what? Is that really you? Have you even been looking for me? Todd, you're, how is this possible? You're 15 years old. I was.

Yeah. Till we went to that carnival, you rat uncle. Wait, hold, okay, to catch people up, I took Todd, my sister's son, my nephew, who's been staying with me, we talked a lot about it. Forever, and it's the worst. Yeah. And you've been a terrible house guest.

You're the worst host! Okay, but. He's always punishing me! Easy, guys. Look, just because I ground you a lot, and. Always ground, I can't do anything. We finally went to Carn carnival and I got to make a big wish in a machine and guess what I wanted to be Scott You wanted to be me Thirty years old, a million.

I'm 30. So you've grown up into a 30 year old man? I can estimate, I don't really know my age, but I look 30. Yeah, Scott, back off, you're nephew, God, Jesus Christ. Have doctors cut open your leg to see what age you are? No, I don't want insurance, because Obamacare. Cut off your leg to show you- God damn it, Obamacare.

Cut off your leg to show you how old you are that's crazy what are they concentric circles like a tree trunk in the way these ones about seven years anyway Todd I can't believe this this is incredible I've never seen anything like this I mean you haven't seen Todd beforehand so you don't know exactly the difference. All you need to know. No, but one time I made a wish when I was 15 to become Scott Ackerman.

It's weird coincidence. You did? Yeah, and actually, that's the only other time I've seen this, but other than that, I've never seen anything like this. Also, we were electrocuted at the same time from totally different things. And we switched minds.

Yeah, yeah. Forever? Yeah, I've we switched minds. Yeah, yeah. Forever? Yeah, I've been trapped inside. Forever, yeah. That's why you're the worst. No, that is, I am actually Eric Andre. Yeah, well, hey, I don't know how you feel about that. But I'm Scott, so I don't care.

Fuck you. I don't believe you. This is really weird, I have to say. But what if, so you're definitely not Todd.0. No, I don't know who that is. He's great. He's great. OK, great. Scott, do you notice I'm wearing all your clothes? weird I have to say but what so you're definitely not Todd point oh no he's great he's great Scott do you know some wearing all your clothes I'm wearing your sweatpants and your sweatshirt where have you been for the past week you grew how long did this wish take you uh the wish took me overnight okay and the

next day I scrambled out of the house before you woke up so you wouldn't get scared that I was an intruder okay that's smart thinking because I've been known to carry a pistol on my bedside table. You've been known, you've shown me it many times when I'm going to sleep. Well, I've brandished it. What's that about? What is that about?

It's very mean. Why do you keep brandishing that pistol? He likes to. You know what? Yeah, I wanna get to the bottom of this. Why do you filate the pistol? First of all, I- He wants me to suck it at night.

You want your nephew to suck off your pistol at night? Look- That's five levels of inappropriate. He doesn't like to go to bed. I hate sleeping because I have to dream about my life. Yeah. So I make him suck off my pistol. Yeah.

And that puts him into a fear state, which he just shuts down automatically. My eyes cross and I'm gone. Okay, well that I can get to see. Okay, that I kinda am on board with. Now, so then I put my pistol away. He dreams about his shitty life. Yeah.

So, no, it was right for you to leave the house. Yeah, I pretty much escaped immediately. I rode a bike. Okay. I think it was yours. I got out of there. You've been mooring where my bike, that's the other thing. I was really upset my bike was missing as well. Well, I stole it was yours. I got out of there. I've been boring my bike. That's the other thing. I was really upset my bike was missing as well.

Well, I stole it to survive. So I ended up getting a job at this cool place. You stole a bike to survive? I had to get away. We live in the burbs. That's insane. In the suburbs. Your nephew is crazy.

Look, Todd has some issues. Wait, Todd.0 or Todd, your nephew? No, no, no, Todd.0 is great. Todd.0, the host of videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the host of videos. Yeah, no, no, Todd.0 is great. Todd.0, the host of videos, is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I love all the videos, I love the videos. The videos are great. Can we make a pact that any time we say Todd from now on,

we're talking about Todd.0. Okay. Do I need a new name? No, no, no, you're fine. No, you're Todd. You're Todd. If we ever talk about you, we'll say Todd the person right in front of me.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. But if we ever just say Todd, we're talking about Todd.0. Todd.0, like out there, yeah. say Todd the person right in front of me. But if we ever just say Todd, we're talking about Todd. Todd.0, like out there, yeah. So Todd the person right in front of me, you got a job where? Well, I ended up getting a really cool job actually. I was trying to be like you, so I started my own podcast. What? Yeah.

It was really successful and it took off really huge in one week. It's called Todd's Life 2.0. Todd's Life? That's going to be a It's called Todd's Life 2.0. Todd's Life? That's going to be a little confusing, because there's already Todd.0 out there. I know. So once you said that, I was making sure it was the video

Todd, not my podcast, Todd's Life 2.0. OK, great. Makes sense to me. What's your podcast about? Oh, it's mainly about everything I hate about you, and how I'm so happy to be a grown up with a long penis. Wow. Wait a minute. OK, hold on. Hold it. Wait a minute. How long are we talking here a grownup with a long penis. Wow.

Wait a minute, okay hold on. Hold it. Wait a minute, how long are we talking here? Yeah, or do you have a long penis? Well it's long, I mean I grew up. Yeah, it gets long. You were 15 though when you made this wish. Did you not have a-

Oh my. Penis was a 15 year old penis. Were you sort of pre-pubed? Medium, and now I'm a grownup and it long, and my pubic hair is very big. Here's the thing, it's 13 inches long, but it's the size of a spaghetti string. It's very thin. Well, it's very thin, but it's the length

of a Subway foot-long sandwich. Yes. So about 12 inches? It's a foot-long. It's a foot-long. What, how long are your pubes? Do those, like, if you don't cut them. Thicker than her penis, his penis.

If you don't cut them from 15 to 30, which you didn't do because this happened overnight. I never need to cut them. Yeah, do they grow super long? They got big, don't you understand? Use the right word, Uncle Scott. Yeah. They got big.

My penis got long and my pubes got big. Okay, sorry. Huge, they're coarse. I'm sick of this and you can never ground me again because now I'm a grown up and I'm never getting little. Look, I ground you because I love you and I make you eat that ground beef. That's part of when she's-

I have to have ground beef. When he- Stop calling me that, girl! You know what? I'm gonna seriously- It's a guy! I'm gonna take your pistol and shoot you in the head next time you call me uncle. If you do that, you are gonna be tried

as an adult young man. We'll see if I care, I need a place to live. You don't have a place to live? J, I would be great. Where have you been living this past week? I've, I need a place to live. You don't have a place to live? J, I would be great. Where have you been living this past week? I've been sleeping in a dumpster. God, you're so invasive. Just asking you how you are.

It's better than the cube you keep me in. It's a room! A room is a cube! What's wrong with a room? Why did you keep him in that cube? That windowed cube with the door. It's ridiculous. I hate it in there. That 32 by 32 cube? Yeah, it's a prison. Cube that windowed cube with the door That 32 by 32 cube prison it's like a good animal case 32 foot longs Yeah, please Lining up 32 foot longs we can just say feet

I'm six subway foot long tall now. Yeah, you've grown up. I noticed that. I was getting hungry. I was licking my lips looking at your height. That's any time I look at someone, I automatically calculate how many subway footlongs they are tall, and I just get so hungry. I'm six foot long. Sorry, six feet.

I'm six feet tall. I tell my doctor when I'm at my physical. Like six and a half footlongs. With Italian bread or the cheese bread? Oh wait, oh wait, oh wait, oh wait, come on. Come on, come on, we're TV stars, we gotta keep it. Gotta keep it. Gotta keep it light.

This doesn't happen overnight. What? Look at these legs. My sister was gonna be so worried about you if I ever told you. She never cares about me anyway, my mom. Well I know, she left you with me. She wants you to raise me and be my dad,

which you won't even do. Well I'm not gonna marry my sister. Marry her! You had sex with your sister, dude? You don't raise me and be my dad which you won't even do well. I'm not gonna marry my sister You had sex with your sister, dude You can't have the milk without the cow exactly you're gonna have sex your sister gotta be your husband You don't marry a cow that you milk. Yes, you sure do I've learned a lot this week, and I learned everything about being a grownup that exists. Maybe you learned some responsibility, young lady.

Okay, I'm gonna fucking murder you! Watch out, you're gonna die tonight. Your nephew's very antagonizing. And I got muscles in a week. Those are big, I have to say. So, I'm a grownup. So, live it up. Here's what I don't understand.

You didn't have any muscles when you were 15. Because I never lifted anything. You were a grown-up. So live it up. Here's what I don't understand. You didn't have any muscles when you were 15 You're a skinny beanpole. Yeah, you never picked up your clothes. You had a medium penis You had a medium penis. But I had to fold your clothes every night and day. And I can undr- yeah no Oh your underwear. I did make you fold my underwear every night. Only. Here's what I don't get Yes, I get the penis growing because the penis is natural It's long. But how come when you wish to be big, you all just- I wish to be Scott Ackerman. Oh, is that why you get so many muscles?

Because I don't think- No, I just got your age. I didn't get anything else that you have. I just got your AIDS. That's what I thought you were gonna say. That's what I- And I got your AIDS and I'm dying. I've seen Philadelphia, I get it.

This is what I don't understand. Why do you get the muscles of a person who's worked out consistently? Yeah. Because I did a lot of stuff in the time that I skipped ahead. This is like I don't understand. Why do you get the muscles of a person who's worked out consistently? Yeah. Because I did a lot of stuff in the time that I skipped ahead. This is like the matrix. Is that part of your wish? That I wish I was 30 years old and I was working out

for the 15 years that I? The machine that I talk to. What is this machine, by the way? Tell us about this machine. Your phone, your cell phone. My cell phone, which I wished into as I was at the carnival with you. Yeah. I couldn't evenival with you. Yeah.

I couldn't even look at you. I turned around and looked at my phone and said, please make me as big as Scott and as old as Scott. So you didn't have to be at a carnival. This could have happened anywhere. I don't know, it was the magic of the lights. Okay, that makes sense. Okay, and anyways, I forgot what he even said.

Well, I forgot what I said. How did I get my muscles? Yeah. How did I get everything? I mean, here's the thing. When I talked to my phone, it said, now you're going to have everything you ever had between the time you were now and the time you would be then.

It will happen immediately. Your phone said that. It said all of that exactly word for word. What app is this? Zubr? What app? It's just the phone. It's a new update. IOS 7.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. IOS 7. IOS 7. That's what it update. I always seven. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I haven't updated yet. I don't see cuz you're a loser Yeah, I got an update so I can wish you back down to 15. You will never do that I wish you back down to io6 We just high-five My god Todd anyway, so no We just high-fived. Whoopsh! Oh my god. Todd. Well anyway. Todd.0 or?

No, Todd that's right in front of me. If you talk about my podcast, it's Todd's Life 2.0 podcast. Well Todd.0, of course, is great. When I met a woman, I will say, and I did have my first sex time. What? I met a woman. My sister is is gonna be so pissed at me.

I touched her boby. Was it your mom? Yeah. Everybody just fucking- But she didn't know who I was because I'm grown up. So I got to finally touch her boob. Wait, so you grew up,

you made a pilgrimage to your mom's house. To your wife's house. No, she's not my wife, she's my sister. Could have been. Sister wife. And you knock on the door presumably, or you ring the bell. Well, I knock like this. Okay, yeah. Oh, same knock as you did.

Same knock I used here. She was not looking presumably at the door. Definitely not. Did you speak and she heard you? But I said I pushed a note under the door first because I wanted her to look first because if she heard my voice she would have known it was me. Okay, so it said look at me instead of listening to me.

Uh-huh. I said nothing. I was like, Little Mermaid. Uh-huh. To see if I could get my first action with someone. Wait, did the Little Mermaid, she was mute? Yeah, she was. The sea witch took her voice.

What are you talking about? She's all singing throughout the whole movie. You've never seen that Disney movie. I will show you the world. You've seen it. She sings for part of it, and then she's mute for part of it. I love Disney. What are you talking about?

She's that mute for a single second of that movie. She can't talk when she gets on land because she loses her voice because her voice is so pretty. Don't you remember Kiss the Girl? That's why they're all singing to him and she's just like sitting there. She's nodding like a dumb idiot. Anyway, I did the same thing. It worked.

I got to make out with my mom and kiss her and touch her hooves. How does this happen? She opens the door because she reads this note saying, look at me, don't listen to me. Yes. And then what do you do? And then I leaned in and I showed her my six pack. Whoa, can I see it? Yeah. Whoa.

Oh, it's actually very thick. God, I wish I could have made a wish like that. It's like as thick as your pubic hair. Yeah, but it was a lot thicker than my penis. Your six pack is as curly as your pubic hair, too. Yeah, it's sort of a. And oily and brittle. Your six pack is as curly as your pubic hair too. Yes, it's because of- And oily and brittle. I must have been doing a new workout routine that'll exist in the future.

Okay. So, you show her the curly, oily six pack. She loved it. She kissed it. She kissed that first? She kissed it. Wow, what a woman. Whatever.

So, you knew you were onto something at this point. I know I was onto something. Okay, so she's kissing your curly, oily six pack. She you knew you were on to something at this point. I knew I was on to something. Okay, so she's kissing your curly oily six pack. She made me a hot dog for lunch. Oh yeah, that's right. You love hot dogs. I ate it. You love sucking on hot dogs? You suck on them!

Whoa! All night! You suck on guns! I suck guns, you suck hot dogs. I don't even want to suck guns. It's all you. You forced it upon me, you're perverted. Wait, you're the one who went to your mom's house. You did it to your sister? Wait a minute. You go to your mom's house, she starts licking your six-pack. Kissing it. Get it right.

Kissing it. Get it right. And then you start making out with her and you touch her boobs? We kissed no tongue and then I touched her boob. I got, and then I left my bike. You never said a word because she would have known it was you know, but when I got it said I was like I did it Wow, what a day at the carnival. I got a carnival day or when's the car coming back? So I got a very complex day another wish I want to make. Oh, yeah, what's your wish? My wish is to murder you Yeah, you could just do that. I could?

Yeah. All right, I will. You know where I keep my gun? In your mouth. In the hot dogs? In your mouth, young man. You keep it in your. Slash lady.

Never. You keep it in your butt, and then you. Wow. The truth comes out. And you always will hope that maybe it goes off in the night. Why do you have to tell everyone listening to this show that I keep my gun in my butt and hope that it goes off in the night. Why do you have to tell everyone listening to this show that I keep my gun in my butt and hope that it goes off in the night?

I always just assumed. You're just clarifying. It never does. And I read your journal and I knew that. I cock it too. Yeah. You know? He likes to cock it in his bum.

Like I'm just hoping for an earthquake. You cock it with your internal organs. Yeah, no. Of course. Anyway, do you like how handsome I am now? Yeah, I do. Thanks. Yeah, you're handsome as. Anyway, do you like how handsome I am now? Yeah, I do. Thanks. Yeah, you're handsome as fuck.

What do you think? Yeah, you mentioned it when you walked in. I look like a model, right? Because I guess I'm really happy. Supermodel. This is what I would look like anyway, so it's pretty cool to know in advance. You're like Brad Pitt.

Do you get 15 years on the other side? You missed these 15 years. Do you live 15 years longer? Yeah, do you get 15 extra years in heaven? In heaven, in your eternity in heaven? Or hell if I kill you. Do you think you would go to hell if you killed me? Maybe it's 15 years in hell,

then you get the rest in heaven. Yeah, I think- That seems like a fair sentence. Here's the thing, murderers go to hell. People who never murder go to heaven. Well, there's also murderer heaven. We covered that on this show before. Really?

Richard Harrow, man. Murderer heaven. There's seven different murderer heavens. You never taught me about that. How would I know? I only know everything you teach me because you homeschool me. Yeah, why do you homeschool? Look, she is.

Oh my god, you literally want to die. I went to ITT Tech High School, so I'm on tour. Todd did? Are you a computer engineer? Yeah. Todd right in front of me is a handful. And a boy. And I'm a man.

And a boy, you forgot to say, and a boy and a man. Todd right in front of me is a boy and is a handful, and I have trouble with him. Yeah, I have to say. You always want to punish me, but now you can't because I'm a man. Your mom passed me off on you. Your mom passed away.

Your mom, my mom passed. Pass, pass. My mom did not die. You said my mom passed you off on me. How do you know? That is what the punishment was. Wait, wait, what? I'm sure that's fired.

You said, you said your mom passed me off on you. No one can really. But you said that. Can I say that? Oh, how paging Mr. Freud. Yeah. It's time to become a doctor. Yeah, yeah. God, what is wrong with me?

But anyway, so that's basically what happened. I had to finally take care of you, Scott. I took you in. Will you come back home? I don't know if I want to. I need a roommate. I need- Well, I'm not gonna pay rent.

Why not? You have a job. Or you just want a roommate because you're scared. That's what an adult does, you pay rent. She's not gonna go to your cube. She's not, God, everyone here is terrible. He's not gonna go, no, I was talking about somebody else. Oh.

She's not, my friend Jessica. We were talking before the show, his friend Jessica, I really wanted to come to my cube. So every time you've said she was about somebody else. Yes, Todd, I know you're a boy. You better, cause if you wanna see my dong, I'll show ya. All right, let's see it. All right, here it is.

Oh, nice. Zipping down. Zip, zip. It goes down my paneling on the side. Hey, Eric, do you wanna do sort of a lady in the tram thing with the. Zip, zip. Look at that! It goes down like pailing on the side. Hey Eric, do you want to do sort of a lady in the tram thing with the spaghetti? Sure, yeah. Who's on the other side? No, you're, I'm, it's, well, there's a spaghetti going into your dick hole. That's also shaped like spaghetti. It's very meta. It's very hard to-

Whoa, it hurts! Ow. This is new! Ah, haven't done that in weeks. I feel different. I think I combed? You combed. You combed. You combed. Okay, look, we have to take a break. This is an interesting story, right? It's unfolding. I can barely wrap my brain around it. One of the more interesting stories we've told on this show.

I'm sure there's more to it when we come back. We'll be right back with a little more Comedy Bang Bang after this. BOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!

BOOF! BOOF! Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here. Eric Andre, my nephew Todd. BLEH! Do I call you something different now that you're a man or is nephew the right term? Toddson. Toddson.

Okay, so we can call you- Toddson. It's like a Japanese thing. We can call you Toddson. Okay, so my nephew Toddson. Toddson. That'll take care of the Toddpoint-O thing too. But I'm not your nephew anymore, because I'm grown up.

Wait, you're still my nephew, young man. Nope, because I'm the same age as you now. Yep. 30. I can have a nephew who's older than me. Can't I? Okay, I don't know about that. What are your hopes, what are your dreams, Toddson?

Oh, they pretty much changed a lot, because this whole week really changed my whole life and I pretty much did everything I ever wanted to do in my life this past week. Touched your mom's boob. That's one. Became a man. That's two. Got a job, what are you doing? Three. I have a podcast, it's more successful than yours.

Right. And that's really great. Wait, that's your job? Yeah. They pay me, however much you make, like, they pay me however much you make, like 20 hundred a year. 20 hundred a year. Yeah, 20 hundred. That's right. So I'm pretty rich, but I can't afford a place yet,

so I'm staying in dumpster. Uh-huh. Oh, you gotta get it to you. Do you want- Do you want to get a blanket? Come back home. What do you want? Come back home.

What do you even care? You wanna punish me? I wanna stick that gun in your mouth again. No, you don't. You know what? that's the thing. You never even let me do anything cool. Come back home and suck that gun. At home, I never get to do anything cool.

What do you wanna do? I wanna watch TV with you, I wanna watch your shows that you like to watch. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I wanna be on the couch next to you and share it, and I wanna have dinner that's not freakin' grounded meat every day. Oh, that's not gonna happen.

No deal. That's not gonna happen. No deal! And I don't wanna fold your underwear ever again. I like to. As big as it is And I don't want to fold your underwear ever again. As big as it is. I'll let you not fold the underwear but I watch my shows alone. Why can't I watch it? Those are my shows. You look pissed. Those are my shows. What shows anyways? I never get to hear what it is. Desperate Housewives of Atlanta. You love Desperate Housewives. You love Modern Family. Orange County. Devious Maids. Devious Maids. The Pretty Little Liars. The Alien One. The Neighbors. Yeah, yeah, Alien Neighbors.ids. Devious Maids. The- Pretty Little Liars.

The Alien One, the neighbors. Yeah, yeah, Alien Neighbors. Coneheads, the movie. The Coneheads, the movie. Over and over and over and repeat till you die. Why do you wanna watch it with me? Because I never got to see the end and you never even let me.

I'm not gonna tell you the end either. Well, what happens, they get hanged? Everyone gets hanged. Everyone gets hanged, right, yeah. Everyone gets hanged, you have seen it. Just the Coneheads, the whole family. Mom, dad, the daughter. That would've, the daughter, tongue sticking out, faces blue. How do they get the rope over their cone?

That is what the whole movie is about. I'm not gonna spoil the movie for you. That's what Act Three is all about. They use rope. They use a cone-shaped rope. Alien material. They use alien material. What were they even doing on Earth?

That's why they got hanged. That's so funny, but they're from France. It reveals that they actually are from France. They just came out of their mom's vagina with a push that came out like a cone. Well, they were shaped like bullets in order to just shoot out of their mother's vagina. Oh.

Yeah. And they killed the doctor and the nurses when they were. Was that their thing, they were from France? Yeah. Was it really? I'll never get to know, because... No, no, you won't. But come back home. Uncle Scott, quote unquote. Come back home.

Dad, quote unquote. My mom's husband. I'm not going to be your mom's husband. My girlfriend's boyfriend. Cousins, sisters, roommates. Look, I admit our family's unconventional. But hey, we love each other. Yeah. Do we? You never say I love you once.

What did you say? You want me to? He said we love each other. He's probably talking about his wife. Your sister. My mom, his sister. Do you want me to say I love you? Is that what this is all about?

It's all I've ever wanted. As I stick the pistol into your mouth? No, as you stick it in your own mouth. No is your own mouth in my butt in your butt Just say you love me. I'll probably turn 15 again all of a sudden. Do you think oh my god? Do you think that might happen? I really want him to be 15 because he got a believe as a 30 year old he's very muscular and I thought what do you guys? Whispering about hey Eric. I think that this guy could actually be both of us He's really ripped which oh that's okay I don't mind now if Todd point-oh were to say something like that I would take offense oh I would change

the channel yeah from you I expected a little unconventional I've seen the Eric Audrey much like your family that's true your sister wife I kind of I kind of want to lie to him and say I love him just to see if he turns back into 15. I think that's a good idea. I think that would be a good idea. Todd, I have an announcement. What? Where'd you go?

When you whispered, you disappeared. We do? I'm glad you can hear us. I never realized that before. We've got to get back to this whispering thing. Oh my God. If we whisper, we're invisible. Okay, I have a new plan.

I'm going to rape and murder your nephew. Yeah, I have a new plan. Let's just keep whispering and then we'll get the drop on him. Oh yeah. If we whisper, we're invisible. Okay, I have a new plan. I'm gonna rape and murder your nephew. Yeah, I have a new plan. Let's just keep whispering and then we'll get the drop on him. Oh yeah. Because we're invisible.

Yes. Okay, here we go. And one, two, three, now! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ouch! Ah!

Ouch! Ah! Oh! I don't know what the drop on him meant. Oh no, no, no, no, no! We're visible again! We're visible again! Okay, okay, okay, get back to whispering. Okay. Wait, what's the drop on him? You guys, where are you going? What's the drop on him meant. We're visible again. We're visible again. Get back to whispering.

OK. Wait, what's the drop on him? You guys, where are you going? What's the drop on him mean? OK, tell you what. Let me tell him I love him. OK, that sounds good. Todd.

What? Hi, I'm back. You scared me. When I disappeared or when I reappeared? Both. I got scared because I was alone, and I got scared because he came back. OK, that makes sense.

I have something to say to you. You do? Yeah. Why are hearts popping you. You do? Yeah. Why are hearts popping out of your eyes? Well... That's blood. You should see a doctor. So when I... Hold on, hold on. So when we turn invisible, when we whisper,

all of a sudden blood starts... We start crying blood. Oh my god. We can't do this anymore. We need to see a... What is it, an ophthalmologist? Yeah. Hello, okay we're back. Oh, whoa.

Oh god, let me wipe the blood from my eyes. Oh, very. It's like a scene from The Shining. Ew, god, gross. Very loud. I have something to tell you. You didn't have to eat it. That was a little bit gross.

I love the taste of my own blood. Oh, it's all you drink. Yeah. That's another part of our family. You got a Brandy sifter full of blood. Yeah, I won't even go into that. I mean, that's a totally unrelated part. I have something to tell you, Todd.

What is it? I love you to the band. I can't do it! Oh, no! What? I can't do it! I started shrinking! My penis is shrinking!

But you two had some good hits. They were amazing. I believed you when it started working, and now I'm halfway stuck between man and child. You're 22.5 years old! This sucks. I'm gonna go to college. That's how I ended up going to college.

Same exact scenario happened to me. 22.5. Todd, I love you. Thank you. Jesus. Two. Oh my god, he's shrinking. He's shrinking back down to 15.

Your clothes are huge. Oh. Oh my God, he's shrinking. He's shrinking back down to 15. The clothes are huge. Oh. Oh. All right, young man, you're back to 15. Damn it, I'm grounded. Yeah, of course you're grounded. I knew you were gonna say that. I have some ground beef for dinner for you.

No. Raw ground beef. Ugh, I hate this. Chow down. I hate my life. Love it. You can go anywhere you want. Go anywhere?

Yeah, you can go anywhere. That's what grounded means to us. You just have to eat ground beef. Ugh. Are you still in stuff today? You're free to go, yeah. Yeah, you're free to go, yeah. But my podcast is going to go away.

They won't want me. Yeah, of course they won't. That was my plan all along. You hate competition. I hate competition. I want a monopoly. What does that stand for? Monopoly.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Ah, feels good to be back to our regular relationship. No it doesn't. Where I could subjugate you. I feel tiny in these giant clothes of yours. And I'm gonna make you keep those clothes on. That's it? As a reminder. Like my chains? Yeah, as a reminder to you to never make that wish ever again. Your chains? He puts me in chains. Oh, cool. I have to wear them as a reminder. Cool. All the time.

Look, it's a, you know. Hey, look. It works for us. My dad uncle hates me. Yeah. Hates that I was put into his house. So your dad uncle or your dad uncle? My dad uncle.

My dad uncle loved me. Your brother, who you killed. Oh, yeah. The plot thickens. Yeah. Quite the family. The plot thickens yeah that's another part of it and then we haven't even gone into my mom and my step I never met him I wouldn't know never met him never met him my mom yeah she's a man just like I'm a girl that makes sense I never met him Gloria it all checks out I could never meet my grandma because she would hate me because I was born weird.

Yeah, you were born a little weird. You have some weird things about you. Born weird. Born weird is the title of my book. You're writing a book too? Well, I wrote one in the time that I jumped. Oh, thank god. No one will ever read that book now.

No, it still exists. It still exists, but no one's going to believe it because you're a 15-year-old boy. What about Doogie? That's true. That's a good point. Doogie? Doogie Howser, he was a doctor and he was young. You were on a first-name basis with Doogie Howser? Well, I made friends with him when I jumped ages because we kind of were the same mentality. Are you talking about Doogie.0? No, Doogie Howser. From how I met your mother.

That's why I was confused. Okay. Yeah. You gotta specify. You have to leave this. There's only one met your mother. That's why I was confused. Oh, okay. Yeah. You gotta specify. You have to be. There's only one do you really? All right guys, well, you know, this is- This is exhausting. This is a little strange. I'm wiped out. A little strange, I gotta say.

That was quite the confrontation. I feel like I'm at a Jerry Springer taping. You know, you never know what's gonna happen. I've never seen that show because it's Scott's favorite show. Yeah. That's one of my shows. She's not allowed to watch.

Yeah. Oh my god. I'm so mad. I call him a her just cause it really gets under scale. He thinks it's funny cause my long braid. Yeah. Your rattle. Which I'll never cut. That's really the issue I have with you.

Cut that fucking braid. No. Well then, that's why you're grounded. That's why I don't let you watch the shows! But I need this hair! We'll talk about that another time, why you need that hair. I'm gonna slap you with it. Alright guys, there's a-

This is a good month for me emotionally. I know, I know, I know, this is a lot. There's really only one thing left to do here on the show, this, in our very special bonus episode, and that is a little something we call plugs. You remember that we play a song when we say plugs. You talking about my experimental hair surgery? I don't know. Plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs.

Silence during the plugs. Oh, sorry. It's a plug. Plugs, plugs. Plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs. You were right. Hey, I see some. Plugs, plugs, plugs Plugs. You were right. Plugs. Hey, I said some of them.

Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs.

Plugs. Plugs. Squelch. Nice, that was theme from Daft Plugs by, sorry, theme from Daft Plugs colon no country for old squelch by TJ and Max. Thank you so much, TJ and Max. That was a good one. Crazy. I enjoyed that.

Crazy combination of words. Yeah like plugs and then followed by plugs. Scratch, scratch, scratch. That was good. If you have a plugs theme head on over to earwulf.com. You know what to do with them. And we have opened the plug bag. So Eric, let's talk about these tour dates. First of all, let's talk about the Eric Andre show. Thursdays? Yes. Thursday nights, 1230 AM on Adult Swim. Starts October... It started already. It started already. Let's get in there.

We're in there. We are in there. We are in there. Episode two is on tonight. Yes. And, can you, will you mind pulling up my own tour dates that I probably should have memorized? Starts in November, I know that. November 7th we are starting. What cities are you hitting?

Seattle, Washington. We're doing Seattle, Portland, Eugene, Oregon, San Francisco, Phoenix, Arizona, Austin, Texas, New Orleans, Atlanta, and Nashville, Tennessee. And what do people see, we talked about a little you destroy the set every single night every single night destroying the set I make a big mess a interview people we have some crowd participation and We have some musical acts and we play a lot of videos. How do people get tickets to the show? Oh How do people get tickets to the show? Oh man, what a great place.

Just kind of like enter into Google Adult Swim, Eric Andre tour. Video dot adultswim.com slash percent slash Eric. That's not gonna work. Dash Andre dash live tour. Oh boy. Just go on Adult Swim's website and you can buy the tickets on Adult Swim's website. That's great. In 10 episodes.

10 episodes coming out, yeah. What does the future hold for you after that? The future holds for me after that? I don't know. Nothing I'm allowed to talk about. Let's put it mysteriously that way. So something big. Are you in the new Star Wars?

I might put a YouTube video out. What? YouTube does not like anyone to talk about the videos before they come out. It's very hard to get a video on YouTube, and I might put one up there. All right, man. That's great.

Congrats. Yeah, thank you. Todd, oh, let me do my blogs first. All right, so let's see. We are in the middle, when you're listening to this, in the middle of the Comedy Bang Bang tour. We have a few more dates coming up. Let's see, we have New York's, well tonight we have Toronto. So that'll be nice. We have New York City, two shows in New York both sold out at Skirball. That is gonna be amazing.

Nice. We're actually gonna be at Comic Con, at New York Comic Con. We're doing a panel where we will show an episode and then we'll be talking to everybody. Oh, I'm gonna be at Comic Con? That sounds fun. We have two shows in Boston on the 13th and then we'll be talking to everybody. Comic-com, that sounds fun. We have two shows in Boston on the 13th, and then Monday we're in Philadelphia, that is sold out, and then two shows in DC on Tuesday, so. Do you do the podcast one night

and the live show another night? No, it's kind of a, each show is a combination where we do sort of sketch, the first half is like sketch and bits, and then the second half is like podcast. So, and Paul F. Tompkins is there on every stop. What, um, when do you do LA? Have you done LA?

We've already done LA at this point. I want to see you. I want to come to your show. Okay, yes. Well, that was, you did not go because it was September 28th. Oh dang. Damn it. Sorry, pal.

I'll never be able to go. And if you want to follow us along, if you can't come into any of those shows, or even if you can, go buy them all at the Earwool store in a subscription. We'll release them every single night, and you'll wake up in the morning and the previous night show will be there. And I will release my fluids as you release those. That is our promise to you that the moment you click download, Eric Andre no matter what will release all of his fluids.

We're talking piss, semen, blood, bile. Casma, bile. Yes, everything will just come out of his body and he'll be an empty shell. I'll be a geyser. Every single morning. Uh, and we're coming back, comedy bang bang, second half of season two, we're coming back a week from Friday with our very special 11th show

and that is with Rainn Wilson and Andy Daly as our good friend Dalton Wilcox, cowboy poet. And all right, Todd, what do you have to plug? What do you got? Twitter.com slash Disney is my favorite Twitter. And my other favorite Twitter is Twitter.com slash Lauren Lapkus. What? What is that? It's a weird girl, stupid, dumb squeeze.

Was she born weird? She was born weird mentally. Oh, okay. And also watch Orange is the New Black on Netflix because I heard that was cool because I saw a billboard. Okay. And also watched House of Lies in January. House of Pies.

Yeah, that's what I mean. And also go to Portland on the weekend of the 17th for the all Jane no Dick women's comedy festival. Oh, October 17th? That's right. Oh, why, what's gonna be there? Lauren Lapkus and her friends. What?

Yeah. Why do you like Lauren Lapkus so much? Because she one time gave me $5. Oh, I got to hit up Lauren Lapkus. Yeah, so I was like, she's an ATM. All right, well, that's it for plugs. Let's close up the old plug bag. Closing up the plug bag.

Mingle, mingle, mingle, mingle, mingle. Closing up the plug bag. Mingle, mingle, mingle, mingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo Todd thanks for finding me slash I found you Todd. I'm gonna show you show you home right now Shuttle me. Yeah on the shuttle. Yeah, I'm gonna rent a shuttle for you Lax shuttle I have to go to the airport first Yes It's gonna take forever Gotta go out to the airport then

And drop off everyone else who's on the shuttle Yep, and then back home and you're gonna suck the gun tonight No! Yeah I won't suck it You're gonna suck the gun tonight. No! I won't suck it! You're gonna suck my butt gun, young man. Oh god.

I hate this, this thing that you always created that you do. Well maybe I'll let you be back on the show at some point. I'd like it, because I like to talk. Alright, thanks! We'll see y'all on Monday for an all new show. Thanks bye! Bye! Bye!

Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! for an all new show thanks bye