Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Essential Andrew Lloyd Webber - Zach Galifianakis, Paul F. Tompkins, Dillon Campbell

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

With Zach Galifianakis’s hectic schedule these days, he hasn’t had a chance to drop by the studio lately. Well, he makes up for it in this TWO PART EPISODE! In the first half, Zach discusses with us all the pressing issues in his life, including but not limited to: His thirst for knowledge about the entertainment industry, dinosaurs, Aspergers Syndrome, microphone training classes, famous people with the last name Campbell, prison movies, egg rolls, and Jeremy Piven. Dame Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber drops by to tell Scott and Zach about his directorial debut with Waiting for Godot, I mean, Romeo & Juliet. Musician Dillon Campbell plays a couple of songs for us, which tell us exactly how to live our lives. Don’t forget to check back to hear the second part of this hilarious episode!

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, host of Comedy Bang Bang, and welcome to our very first Bonus Bang! Each week we are bringing you a bonus podcast episode. These will be from the Comedy Bang Bang Vaults. You've heard of the Disney Vaults. These are even more airtight, the CBB Vaults. Occasionally there might be some other fun stuff. We'll see what happens a little later, but here we go.

This is the first one. Are you new to Comedy Bang Bang? Well, that's amazing. This is a great chance to enjoy classic episodes for the first time. Have you been a listener since the beginning? Now you can re-listen to your favorite long-running jokes that were previously behind the paywall. To kick it off, we are doing a series that we are calling The Essential Andrew Lloyd Webber.

For the next six weeks, we're gonna be releasing classic, very, very theatrical episodes, featuring Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, played by Paul F. Tompkins. This is one of Paul's classic characters. He came in pretty much fully formed. Paul had been doing him, I believe, on stage for a number of years. This is how it all began. This week's episode is episode number 76. Wow, 76.

It's called Can He Sing, Jeremy Piven. We recorded this back in 2010 when the show was known as Comedy Death Ray Radio and was also a radio show in addition to being a podcast. Zach Kalifianakis is a guest and musician Dylan Campbell joins singing two songs. And of course, if you like what you hear and want to hear the entire CBB archive, you can become a subscriber at CBBworld.com where you can find every episode that we've recorded, as well as every single live episode. We're going to be back next week with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, and until then, though, enjoy this bonus bang. What's up hot dog?

Thank you Reggie Watts, the perfunctory what's up hot dog. Thank you Reggie Watts. The perfunctory what's up hot dog. Thank you, Reggie Watts. So nice of you to drop by LA, making time out of your busy schedule or schedule as the English say, to sing that song. And welcome to Comedy Death Rape for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. Have a great show for you this week. Let me just hype what we have.

We have a musician. We have a different musician and we have a different musician and then some other people who are here. And they... Did I really set the scene all that well? I don't know. I don't know if anyone's gonna keep listening after hearing that. But a little later we have some music from Dylan Campbell. Why don't you just say hi, Dylan, and we'll talk to you a little later. Hello, all. Hello, all, wow. Taking a little liberties with his high there.

Gilding the lily, one might say. But we also have a very special guest coming up a little later, but right here to my direct right in the Earwulf Studios for the first time in his life, probably. Is this the first time do you think you've ever been in this room, in this building? Maybe when it was something different other than the studio? Great first question.

Let me just welcome you first before you speak. It's Zach Galifianakis, star of, let me see, Scream, certainly. Scream one and two. Yeah. Is it Scream or Scream? Scream, certainly. Scream 1 and 2. Yep. Should I scream or scream? Scream, yes. Star of Scream. A lot of people don't know that you have that scream mask on the entire time. You were the killer. Yeah.

And then they unmasked you and then they cut to a Skeet Ulrich. Is that who it was? Yeah, he was the killer in Scream- spoiler! Scream 1 spoiler! Skeet Ulrich and that dude Shaggy, they both played the killer in Scream 1. Oh that guy with the annoying face? The, yeah, the singer Shaggy. Oh No, that guy, what's his name? I know who you're talking about. Yeah, Lillard. Matthew Lillard. Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, you think he has an annoying face? He just? It's not his fault, but it's something that, it looks like something always smells bad

when you look at him. Yeah, when you look at him. When he looks, it looks like something's, he's always smelling something bad. So whose fault would you say it is? His mother's, his father's? Maybe he has a sensitive nose. Maybe something always does smell bad.

That is true. What if he was afflicted with that? Okay, see you later, Zach. Thanks for dropping by. You can join Reggie right outside. Hey, Reg. That's great going along with the bit there. I enjoyed that.

Zach, thanks so much for coming by. It's great to see you. You're here and oh, you get your shits blown up. Oh, look who's calling. I like that movie too. Zach is actually stepping on his phone so I can't see who's calling, but I already did. Yep.

Do you want to say who's? Yeah, I should say probably. Yeah. He'll enjoy a mention on this program. Yep. Yep. So, um... Casey, Casey, uh... Oh, no. what's his name? The producer guy.

The guy that's sitting to my right who I don't know, why are you shaking your head? Wait Casey, he's a producer or he's in the producers? I was trying to think of somebody's name. You can edit this part out. You almost said Casey Wilson. No, I know, but I was meant to say, You was meant to say... I meant to say the guy that did all of Michael Jackson's stuff. Quincy Jones. That is really far away from Casey Wilson. That's what I was about to say. When I said Casey Wilson, for some reason. So, Zach, you're in LA, you're here for a little while. Yeah. And since you showed up to the show last, you...

What's been going on? I caught you in the middle of the yawn there. So sorry if you weren't prepared. Let's take it again. In four, three, two... What has been going on since the last time I saw you in a radio show? In a radio show. Yeah, not since the last time you saw me, but in the last time you saw me in a radio

context. I've gotten my radio voices a little bit better. I've been working on that. Let's hear them. Well, this is it. This is like a lower register. Well, FM voice? Yeah.

Like, hey, coming up next, we have a pretty good tune from The Beasties. Right? Something like that. I've been working on my voice and I'm theater trained and all that stuff. Oh, you are theater trained? Yeah. Tell me a little bit about that. Since the last time I saw you, I've been getting some theater training.

Really? Yeah. Is that due to your appearing in a lot of TV and movies and you want a sort of a spine, a backbone of training? I've been lucky enough to find some work but then everybody that I work for they tell me I'm not good and I should get some training under my belt. So really, so what exact kind of training have you had? uh... martial arts stage fighting voice training uh... projection

uh... meaning film project right in case uh... something happens with one of your movies and uh... uh... overall just limberness stage limberness they teach that class really is that like a movement class or is it actually called limberness. They teach that class really? Yeah. Is that like a movement class or is it actually called limberness? What a dumb question. Oh thank you. Of course it's called limber, limberness. If you were ever in a hurry to get there is it like

a rush limberness? Never mind. Sorry I tried to traffic in what you normally. No, I don't appreciate that kind of humor. So the big news with you is your big new movie, Due Date, is coming out in a little bit. And this is a movie with, I call him our DJ. Is that what people call him? Robert Downey Jr.? Yeah, RDJ. I call him another Irish mistake. Yeah, people call him, I don't know, Robert. Robert? That's what you use? Robert Downey? Yeah, you can call him anything you want. I can, really. Will you ever introduce me to him, do you think? Hmm, sure, if you wanna meet him.

Yeah, I'd love to meet him. Really? Yeah, definitely. Absolutely, big Iron Man fan, Lesson Zero. My two favorite movies. Well. The Pickup Artist. Yep.

Number three. Haven't seen one of them. Really, why is that? Not a big movie buff. Really? Why is that? Not a big movie buff. Now that is interesting to me because you got into the field of movie. Yeah. Into the field of movie.

You got into the film field and yet you don't necessarily like them. Right. If you're a mailman, you like to go hang out with the post office? Nope. I don't know. It's just your job. Yeah. So, but what... Pretty good point, if you ask me. What inspired you then to get into the field if you don't even like it?

No skills. You know, like, I would imagine a mailman would see a mailman delivering mail one day and go, ah, that is what I want to do. Hmm. I think it's process of elimination. Hold on, this is New Voice. Yeah, what's going on with that? No, I think it's, well, I don't know. You stand up is how it started. And then you get offered these other things. This is an interesting question though. You don't have to be a film buff. I do enjoy it, but I don't know a lot about the entertainment business.

I'm learning. Yeah, you're very savvy now, I have to say. Just in the last year since I've seen you in a radio context, you have a lot of information about what's going on with studios and studio heads. Studio is. I found out this weekend when a hammock, when a TV show is hammocked. What is that? I don't even know what that is. No? Hmm. It's when your, uh, it's when your lead-in show is doing well, and then the show you're in takes a dip, and then the show after is doing well. So it's hammocks like a sloping negative slope.

Wow. Now, did you learn that because it had something to do with Bored to Death? Or is that, uh, what exactly has happened happened why would you have learned that term? I was online wanting to learn some entertainment terms because I have a thirst I have this real thirst for that kind of all kinds of knowledge especially that kind of stuff like are we going to win the weekend? stuff, like, are we gonna win the weekend? It's become real important in my life. Yeah, I always explain what Hammock is because of a show I'm on. This is, I am actually fascinated with this because you have a certain... Je ne sais quoi?

Not only that, but you have a certain disdain for the entertainment business. Arts. Yeah. For your craft. No, you have, you kind of have a certain, you don't really care about showing up to events. I know you were invited to a couple of award shows to do some stuff on it that you've never done stuff for. But- On Wii. Yeah, a certain on Wii. But to what extent do you actually care about stuff like grosses? Like when the Hangover came out, were you actually excited by the fact that it made money, or did you not even know about that?

I didn't really know about it, but I did get it. I started getting excited because it was just like, oh you're gonna be in a big movie. I mean, I can't deny that was fun to watch. It's exciting, right? As a human being, it's exciting. Right, right. But that other stuff... It's just, it's exciting. Right, right. But that other stuff, it's just, it's... I mean, I don't know. It's not that important. I mean, it's good to... You want people to see things that you're in, but, I don't know, you find yourself...

It becomes too much of a thing to talk about rather than other things like dinosaurs or Osberger syndrome. Two of my favorite topics. Let's talk about either of those. Go ahead. Oh, onus is on me. Dinosaurs, they recently said that the triceratops, I believe, did not exist. Yep. Pretty weird. What was the other topic Asperger syndrome is that how you pronounce it Asperger's? Well the original German Pronunciation is Asperger's. Okay What do you have to say about that? I'll let you start with this one

Hmm, let's think can we go back to movie grosses? Okay, great. Did you see the grosses from this week? No, who won? Who won the weekend? Oh, amazing. I know who won. Yeah. Because it's a great movie. Yeah.

The social network. So that is a movie that you actually like. Fantastic movie. And why did you go see it, since you don't really like movies? I like that guy's movies. Which guy? Fincher or Sorkin? Or Andrew Garfield?

David Fincher. Fincher. He does... I like the way his movies look. They're all great. I don't think I know Fincher or Sorkin or Andrew Garfield David David Fincher Fincher. He does I like the way his movies look. They always they always look like they're Dark not like a Theme but just the way they're shot very cinematic lighting very oh, what's this voice? I'm trying your your voice on for size. I can do a lot of different voices, so if you want, just through my training, so if you want me to. Yeah, I'd love to hear an example of it. Okay, but it has to come up organically. Oh, okay.

I can't be commanded to do it. Right. You know, I... Hello, Gov! Was that really organic? I'm not so sure. So you have due date coming out very soon and this is with Todd Phillips again who did the Hangover and this is his movie right after the Hangover where he basically said, you know who I liked from the Hangover was Zack, you know who I liked working with is Zack, so let me work with him again. And he puts our DJ in there. And it's good. Your DJ?

Yeah, he puts our DJ in there. From your wedding? Yeah. Oh God, that guy was horrible. I think I've talked about it on this show. But, ooh, what was that? Anyone hear that? Was that just in my headphones?

burning wings Song out there out there Somebody's ringing the bell song. What do you like in music right now? You're a big music fan. I know you you listen to my morning jacket and annuals and music I can talk about okay Let's talk about it right now what I'm listening to I'm least listening to this German DJ guy that takes old southern our DJ old southern I have tried to hit my phone with my toe to see what is going on with your phone I was trying to get my phone to the name of the group is Alabama 65 some German German group. A bunch of, uh, and they take these southern... You know how Moby did it a few years ago? Take a bunch of...

Yeah, he took old blues records from the early 1900s. These guys do the same thing, but it's a little cleaner. Cleaner in the sense of less VD or... It's less, um... It's not as intricate. It's more simple. Just kind of stripped down arrangements, in other words? It's arrangements with old timies. And when you say old timies, is it blues records like Moby did, or is it... It's gospel. Gospel. Some of it's gospel. What do you like about it?

some of its gospel. What do you like about it? I like to think that there's German guys in Berlin mixing old gospel music. Makes me feel good. So you like the story behind the music? Yeah. Yeah. TV show. I like music where like I can imagine a commercial playing, you know, under it or over it. Oh, like, like, oh, this could be a... Yeah, this could be. This is very cinematic stuff, or like this, or I can imagine this song in a David Fincher movie. Well, that's how they, I read an article that that's how a lot of musical groups are getting their break. Mm-hmm. Musical groups. Yeah, combinations. Because what they're doing is they, like, the radio is not playing them. The radio is all the same music. They're not playing any new music so the commercials pick it up. People go,

oh what is the name of that song for, you know, that in that Skittles ad. Skittles has pretty good music in it. Hello? So if you're planning on reading an article about this topic, don't bother because it was just explained to you. Yeah, don't try to Google it. It's not worth a Google. Nope. Speaking of music, why don't we talk to the person we mentioned a little bit before, but Dillon Campbell is here to do some songs for us

today. Now, welcome. Hello, all again. Hello, all. Why don't you get right up there on the mic? As a musician, you're going to have to become accustomed to singing and speaking into a microphone. Dealing with the mic. Yeah, that's going to be one of the things that maybe you could go to Zach's school and maybe they teach a mic technique class. We do actually. Do you really? Yeah. What have you learned in your mic technique class?

Well, I teach it. Really? What do you teach then? Just my own theory. Mic placement, mic holding, just basic chord work. How many kids per class? Right now it's 55. And it's weekly.

It's a weekly class. Just weekly? No, I have a weekly class. Just weekly? No, I have a class every night of the week, I should say. Oh, I see. You can only take it once a week, but I'm booked up seven days a week. You never take a day off? Not for this.

I have a real passion about this class. Does it get in the way of your... It goes all the way till... It just goes to Easter. And then we're done. Does it get in the way of your filming at all or? Conveniently, I've worked my contract around my mic technique classes. That's the way you have to do it.

It's at the learning annex if you guys want to come down. Mm-hmm. It's Monday through Thursday, then Thursday through Sunday. Okay, good. Excluding Easter? Easter will be, Easter service is the last class. What are you going to be doing in the Easter service is the last class. What are you gonna be doing in the Easter service? That's a morning class then.

That's a little bit of a surprise for the students. I can't really give them away. Oh my gosh, give a little bit away though. Well, all right. What we do is we have a Easter egg hunt and we've taped tiny microphones to the Easter eggs to pick up the excitement of people finding the eggs, okay?

And then we will mix those recordings of people's excitement about the Easter egg and then it's going to be a number one song. I thought this was a mic technique class, not a recording class. This is part, it is all mic technique, but this is the bonus at the end. Oh wow. Do you send them to the band in Germany and they mix it together or you do it yourself? Great question. What happens is, I send it to, there's a radio show in Panama City, Florida, And it's right around spring break, right? So

they mix it, and then it kind of debuts or debuts in Panama City for spring break. Perfect. The end? Well, wait, it's not the end. But this is not about me. This is more about Dylan. Let's talk to Dylan. Let's you and me talk to Dylan. Okay. Let's swing our chairs around and face him.

Now, Dylan, you're a musician from Los Angeles. I am. You were saying to me that you grew up right here in... San Fernando Valley. San Fernando Valley, home of Magnolia. Yes. And Boogie Nights. Yes.

And Three Days in the Valley. Is that a movie? I'm looking at Zach like he's any help. Three Days in the Valley. Yep. Throne. Justin Throne And You you've been playing for a little while, a nigh on a decade you were telling me or? Yeah about seven years. Okay That's a halfway between a decade and a half decade. Dustin, where do you play? Dillon.

Dillon. Oliver Town, Oliver Town. Oliver Town, now as a musician. Oliver Stone, great, great director. He's at Oliver Town. Uh-huh. Just bringing it back to the movie. You really like him as a director?

Shit. Name one good movie he's ever made, one. And I'll let you off the hook here. That killer movie. Natural Born Killers? I liked it. All right, there you go. Money Never Sleeps? Dylan, as a musician is it difficult having a name like Dylan and then you play an acoustic guitar and you you do harmonica? I mean is that the way at all or a little bit that's why I started playing electric really did people start booing you when you did no no no um but really you spell your name a little bit differently it's D-I-L-L-O-N and uh but but as music did you ever think about changing it or maybe you did

change it to that I didn't really that is your actual name I changed my middle name really not my first name. What is your middle name? My it was Ian and I changed it to Tide hmm Dylan Tide Campbell, is that a true story? It is I was watching a Tide commercial Uh-huh. My mom said do you like your middle name and I said no and she said do you want to change it? I said Tide she said like the ocean ocean I said no like the commercial I was three And she changed it. Yep legally mm-hmm your mother sounds insane Wonderfully insane yeah, that's amazing so she she seems like one of those like San Fernando Valley artist types Or what does she do she's actually from Wichita, so. Really? Kansas. Thanks, Zach.

Good add-on. I'm a geology buff. Zach Alvinakis will be here the entire hour. The reason that's funny is because the correct word is geography. Yes. And Dylan, is it tough having the last name Campbell? A lot of comparisons to Pete Campbell from admin or quite a few

Campbell Brown Other famous Campbell's soup company my Campbell Luther Campbell definitely yeah What do I have to come over the other You're last so you have to come up with another one. That's how the game works Campbell Campbell any kind of any kind of Campbell Craig Campbell great Yep, you're last so you got to come up with another one. Oh, I was gonna tell you who he is Oh, okay, please do second baseman for the Pittsburgh Pirates 74 to 72 really

Got a time machine How do you know so much about baseball? Baseball fanatic. Really? Yep. Do you ever see that movie The Fan? It's all about a baseball fanatic. No, I didn't see that one. Who's in is? No. Oh, is he? I don't believe he is, no. There's no Craig Campbell. I don't know if that's true. Do you edit these? No. Oh, well, that's...

You should tell people. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure it's been... clicked. By now. A lot of people accuse me of getting too in the way of the guests, so I'm trying to take it back a little. I don't think that's the case, Scott. Dylan.

Yes. Let me show you how it's done. Ready? Yeah. Dylan, what was, do you perform in the streets? No, I used to. Where? In the beginnings, just all over the place. Just Hollywood and

Island. Sit there with a guitar, pick away. For change? No, just for fun. I was in it my then so. Let me ask you this, let's jump a few years. What do you think, where would you like to be ultimately in your career as a musician? The top tier. Scott, you want to take over?

What's so wrong with the other tiers? Nothing. Why you gotta shoot for that top one? Why not? You know? Alright, so Dylan, you're gonna play some songs for us the entire hour, right? Yes. And we do want to talk about your CD and your... Is it an EP? Do people call it an EP anymore?

It's an EP. An extended play? Yep. Which means bigger than a single, right? Mm-hmm. Because this is four songs. Mm-hmm. And what is the title of that again?

Save Yourself. Save Yourself. But you're gonna play Save Yourself a little bit later. But what are you gonna play for us right now? I will be playing Wrong and Right. Wrong and Right. Now, is this, this deals with the concept of morality and the choices we make in life? Yes. Okay, and just as a spoiler before we listen to it, what conclusions do we come up with at the end of the song? Um, I think everyone kind of draws their own conclusions from the music. But what I would, that's a cop out Dylan, I want you to tell me what to think here. Um, I can't tell you what to think. God damn it!

I don't know! What does your song tell me to do? It talks about a relationship and kind of goes over in hindsight what the right points of the relationship and relationship and with the wrong points of the relationship according to the narrator. Yes. I see. All right Well, let's enjoy that. This is a song from the narrator's point of view Talking about the right points of a relationship the wrong points of a relationship. It's called wrong and right I'm sure you'll hear those words in the song a few times And this is Dylan Campbell and you can get the EP on iTunes. Here we go.

You all ready to play it? I am. Let's hear it. This is Comedy Death Ray. I did you know just where I would be Now you're living unhappy with me Guess I'll go out and I'll hang from a tree I could not speak and you could not see Where did we go wrong? Where did we go wrong? I'm sleeping all alone tonight I've been sleeping, bruised and beaten all through the night

How did you know I would be here tonight? I danced until dawn and made love all night My bark is much stronger and worse than my bite Look into my eyes not into the light Where did we go wrong? Where did we go right? Where did we go wrong, darling We're sleeping all alone tonight

And sleeping, bruising, beating all through the night I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man Where did we go wrong? Where did we go wrong, darling? Then sleeping all alone tonight Then sleeping bruised and beaten all through the night How did you know just where I would be? Dylan Campbell, this is Comedy Death Ray. I'm here with Zach Alfenakis, star of the recent, it's kind of a funny story, and of the upcoming due date, and the due date movie, explain it just really briefly, just the plot of it. Sure, I'd like to. Okay, what it is. You're ready? I'm so ready, I've been dying to hear this. There is a situation where a character, a very anal character, played by Robert Downey

Jr., cannot get on a plane because he's lost his privileges. He's on a no-fly list. And he has to get back to the birth of his wife in LA. Okay. Got it. That's it? All right. Well, I'm in the movie. Oh, wait, wait. You're in this too? I'm talking about my part in it. Okay. Let's hear it. I play, you're not going to believe it, a chubby, bearded, annoying guy. And we don't get along! And we go across the country.

Why are you forced together in this situation or is that giving too much of the plot away? No, because we're on the same flight. I bump into him knowing that he can't fly. And I can't fly either. I get kicked off the plane. I rent a car. he has no ID. No, he has no ID. So I said, do you want to ride with me? Why, there's no more to it than that. It seems like this movie's probably at least an hour and a half. You could explain a little more. There's more. Okay. Okay. Great.

We run into the law. Johnny Law. We end up in many places we shouldn't be. Do you think there's ever been a road trip movie where people didn't run into the police at some point? Like, they've run afoul of the authorities? I was stopping the question that, do you think there's ever been a road trip movie? And I was just saying, nope, there hasn't been one.

This is the first one. I am actually interested in that though. That seems like every single time you ever write a road movie, like, there hasn't been one. This is the first one. I am actually interested in that though. That seems like every single time you ever write a road movie, like there's got to be a scene where people pull over the car and... Name a movie of recent time that doesn't have a gun in it. Yeah, that's true. That's what drives me crazy is so many guns and... Because you have an issue with weapons and weaponry.

I do? No, I'm just saying, why do so many American movies have to have guns in them? Well, a lot of people would say that danger raises the stakes in a movie. I know you're nodding your head no, but it's true. Ah. No, like what movies? The Social Network didn't have a gun.

Oh, wait, did it? It may have, it may have. I don't know. Oh, there was that scene where Zuckerberg bursts into the Facebook offices with that AK-47 and just starts blowing people up. Maybe that's why I liked it so much. Yeah, no, that's true. I saw the town the other night, which I really like. I enjoy that movie. That's a crime movie, though. I know.

You have to have guns in that. It started me thinking, like, it's a recurring thing with me, like, it's there's so many guns in movies. There's so many guns in the movies. I see it's frustrating. What's your favorite genre? Prison prison movies, gun movies, prison. But but it is prison movies where there's probably is it really? Yeah.

What do you like about those? I like forced settings in movies. But it is prison movies, where there's probably guns. Is it really? Yeah. What do you like about those? I like forced settings in movies. I love escape. Have you seen the trailer for that new prison escape movie where, oh fuck, I'm blanking on it, but the guy's wife is put into prison and he breaks her out of prison? That would be right up your alley. God, I can't remember what it is. But... Not Conviction, that movie. That's

about the death movie. No, no, no. It's coming out. Oh, so it was Conviction? This is like a big Hollywood movie where... Who's in it? That's what I'm blanking on. Oh, Elizabeth Banks. She's the wife in it and she gets put away for a crime she didn't commit. Was she Robba Banks? She robbed a lot of her last name. Pretty good joke. Not bad. I mean, on the scale of things, you know?

Really, in the scheme of history, it's not so bad. I get frustrated by guns in movies. Yeah. And yet you like breaking out of prison movies. Do you like it in those breaking out of prison movies where they make a gun out of soap and they cover it with shoe polish? That was in Alcatraz. Mm-hmm. Wasn't it?

That's okay with you? Yeah. That doesn't violate your gun? Soap guns? That's not a real gun. What if there was a gun that actually shot out soap bubbles? Would you like that? As long as there weren't too many movies about it. So needless to say, in due date, getting back to that. There's a lot of guns in that.

Are there guns in it? Yeah. Always guns. Do you feel like you're contributing to society when you... Oh, stop making that face at me. Do I think I'm contributing to society? Do you ever think about like, hey, I don't want to star in a movie like this because I don't like the message it sends out

or I don't like the themes explored in it? Do you ever think about that kind of stuff? I know that in other... I've turned things down because of things like that. Mm-hmm. I know in other aspects of your career you've done that too. We've talked about that a little off mic. Yeah, but that's that's something that is like we've talked about like I don't want that to be a sponsor of something

Yeah, work on because I don't believe in it, right? So that's good. I mean you're a guy with a conscience who give it a movie that you're acting and you don't have a lot Of control. I mean you just show up and vomit your lines out I mean you just show up and vomit your lines out. I mean, it's not, I'm not the boss. I just, I'm in a deep protest right now with the movie I'm working on. Really? Up in arms about something, but I can't get the, I can't get the guys, I can't, I'm not making any leeway.

Really? Is that the, I know you're filming the, the? It has something to do with the movie I'm working on, yeah. I'll tell you about it later. Okay, I'd love to hear about it. It's very frustrating. Well, we're here with Zach Galifianakis and we're going to be with him the entire program. Out of my way!

Out of my way I say! Oh hello! Hello Scotrick! How do you do, old boy? As I live and breathe, I never expected this. You do both and you did not! Just walking into the studio here is- Tell them! A friend of the show Yes! Dear friend.

Dear friend. Buzum cham. Uh, Dame Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yes, hello, Scotrick, how do you do? Uh, Scott, but uh... I barely could get in here! I couldn't get through a thicket of Reggie Watts's hair! It's very difficult, he has quite a tough job there.

It's like being in the Bally jungles of some country where there's stuff. You didn't want to say deepest Africa. I know. I suppose I didn't. You just chickened out right there. I sort of knew that I was headed that way. Then I took a sharp turn. Zach, let me explain what's going on. You know... Oh no, I know.

SAKURAIYA GALAPHINAYA! Andy! Hello dear boy. how do you do? So you guys have met before? We used to work the bards together. Indeed, we've trod the bards. I think that's trod the bards, so I'm not sure what you guys are doing with bards. I tried, I courted Zachariah for a long time, for the longest time to be in my sequel to

Cats, Cats's... Deli. I had to have... That is where we quarreled. Zachary wanted it to be about the delicatessen. I wanted it to be about a whole new bunch of cats. I had to have his whiskers, don't you see? And where did you land on this?

You just couldn't compromise and so? I think we just, we walked away. Creative differences. Did you walk away agreeing to disagree? Like, did you still have respect for each other? No, I think literally we got tired of talking and walked away. Yes. We talked for a fairly long time! What was your idea of the project?

Like, what did you want to achieve with it? Well, we were at Katz's deli when he said I want to do a sequel to Cat's, so it's confusing right off the bat. Yes. We talked round and round for quite a while. He kept talking about the animal cats and I was confused. Then he wrote down the spelling of the cats that he's talking about. Remember that, Andrew? I do, but I was using the Queen's English, don't you know, and it was indecipherable to this colonial friend of mine. Really, so your writing has a different

font if you're from England? There are many extra Ys and Es and curlicues. Like shoppy? Exactly. How did you learn that word? Is that a secret? You're a clever fellow. Well, ALW, it's fantastic to see you. I haven't been on the program for quite a long time. A very long time, one might say. It's been many a moon since the last time I graced the earwool studios. Is this ghost form? No, it's me.

You can poke me. You are like the Apostle Thomas who doubted the appearance of our Lord. Go ahead and poke him, Zach. Why not? No, it's okay. No, go ahead. We're fine. Stick your fingers in my wounds, as it were.

I like how you actually waved him off like, you don't actually have to do it. No, I was giving him permission. Oh, I see. It was more like... Different gestures. It was more like a... I allow you to do it. Oh, okay. I see. That giving him permission. Oh, I see. It was more like. Different gestures, different gestures. It was more like a. I allow you to do it. Oh, okay, I see. Means something different.

I wave hello to the idea of you poking me. So, last time you were on, I'm trying to remember exactly what happened. Quite a while. I know, you had some sort of a scheme going on, as I recall. Let's say that I did. Well, why don't we just say you didn't,

and wait, let's not, nevermind. Are you proposing a bargain wherein we do not do something, but we tell others that in fact we did do that deed? I guess I never really thought about that bargain of just how much lying there is inherent in it. You enter into a compact? It would be like unraveling a bowl of yarn. Yes, a bowl.

What if you kept your yarn in bowls? A ball? Would it be a ball of yarn in a bowl? No, I think it would actually just be you'd undo it from the ball and then just plop it right into a bowl. It seems like not very efficient. What if you had a bowl full of bowl weevils? Oh my god. Or any other kind of weevil. Oh, that's frightening. Why do bowl weevils get all the press? That's true Zack You're from the South. Yeah, American South. That's right. Tell me everything you know about bowl weevils. I'm not even sure what it is

What is that? It's an insect. Yeah It's a bally frightening insect. Oh, it's the It's an insect. Yeah. It's a bally frightening insect. No, it's the deucid enemy of cotton. It hates the cotton plant. And it shows its displeasure by eating it. It doesn't do it for sustenance.

No! Because it doesn't like it very much. It doesn't like it! It's like a great wide shark who discovers you're not a seal after all, and then he feels you've tricked him, so it tears your arms off even though he finds the taste disgusting I bet it's a lot like McGruff too in crime just the crime dog. Yes. He's just taking a bite out of it out of disgust The anthropomorphic bloodhound who wears a London fog trenching coat Trenching coat

Yes, that's what it's for. When you go trenching with your mates. This also reminds me very much of the theater guy with Nell and I. Oh yeah, we just saw that movie a few months ago. That was not in a radio context. Oh, the dear Richard Griffiths. Gone too soon. I'm assuming he will be dead by the time this is over. Oh no. He's very fat. Oh yeah. Morbidly obese. Yes, he's morbid. He needs to get on the elliptical. But he does remind me of Andrew Lloyd Webber a little

bit. This particular one. I've never heard that before, but I take it as a compliment. You should. I do. do you should you may poke me Go ahead and poke him. No, he'll wave me off which will be confusing. There we go That was real tis real. He extended a hand of poke miss Alw tell us catch us up last time we saw each other in a radio context We talked about something that we... Neither of us remember. I was creating a new musical. Oh yes.

It didn't work out. Right. I don't remember what the subject of the musical was. Neither do I. Let's get on... It mustn't have been very important, I suppose. Let's get on EarWolf.com and figure out exactly... Oh, a little plug. I see how you did that. I snuck one in.

Oh, very clever. I'm a naughty boy. But since then, catch us up on what's going on, I mean, as Marvin Gaye said. Well, you're asking me what's going on? What's going on? I will tell you, in addition to the fact that there will be some sweet sounds going down on the night shift. Thank you, the Carbidaws.

For that and so many more things. Maybe one other Brickhouse. The end. No. What? What do you got? Easy Like Sunday Morning? Easy Like Sunday Morning. I forgot that was the Carbidols! Not Lionel Richie solo. I associated with Lionel Richie's solo career. It's included on a lot of his best-ofs. He eclipsed that band. He really did. Lionel Richie. He shot up like a shooting star shoot. He did like a long-faced shooting star. Like a horse-nosed... You know, I own the sculpture of him from the Hello Video. Do you? Yes. That's what a Dame Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber buys. Oh yes. With his phantom money. I put it inside his suit of armor. So I will delight my guests by lifting up the visor on the helm.

And hello, it's a clay box of Lido Richie made by a blind person. Bet you didn't see that coming is what I say every single time. Settle it. Settle a pet with me. Pun intended. Is that made out of chocolate, do you think? Oh. I mean, you know.

Oh. Like, it looks to me in the video like it's made out of chocolate. In a way, it's made out of baker's chocolate. So don't take a bite out of my Lionel Richie sculpture! You'll find it not to your liking. Wow, so what other possessions have you bought over the years? I didn't realize that you were a collector of memorabilia. Oh, I have a Stonehenge that I bought.

Really, one of the actual stones from it, or one of the Stonehenges though? A Stonehenge. They used to be all over the place. Right, all over the place. Oh my God, the country was lousy with them. You couldn't walk two kilometers without tripping over a Stonehenge.

Kilometers is the equivalent of an American mile, we should say, to some of our listeners. Oh, it's a foot! You've never been able to understand! Kilometer equals one foot! Really? Yes, the length of a human foot. Really? A man's foot. Women's feet were not included in measurements until very recently. Not until the 20th century. So what other... do you have, like, famous baseballs or famous newspapers? I have two famous baseballs, yes. Really? Yes.

But I thought that... That's curious that you asked. Yes, I have two famous baseballs. Which ones? Uh, Robert? Do you know Robert the Baseball? I do. Yes, the baseball that came to life. Yeah, I remember that from...

Well, he's passed on. Oh. But I have his remains. From the 1950s. Yes, now he's just a regular baseball. Yeah, I remember he used to... Pitchers used to throw him and he would scream just ever so loudly. And he would say, don't hit me, don't hit me!

But they'd hit him every single time. Because he was so slow. Indeed. Yeah. And what's the other famous baseball? Follow. And what's the other famous baseball? Follow up. What's the other famous baseball? The other famous baseball is the one that came to us from outer space.

Do you remember when that happened? Yeah, it just dropped down in the center of New Mexico, as I recall, and made a big crater. That was 1977, I think it was. Yes. Signed by the famous baseball player, Babe Ruthbot X-14 from the future! He hit it so hard that it traveled back in time and landed in 1977 and that's how we know that baseball will still be popular in the future as we have concrete evidence. Yes, he was trying to hit a dinosaur but he missed.

Speaking of, was he trying to hit a Triceratops? Yes, that's probably why! They didn't exist, and so the ball found its way into the 20th century. Zach, any questions? What do you do in your spare time? I mostly, I stare. I just stare at the wall. Do you think about something while you stare, or are you thinking about what you're staring at? I picture myself staring. So I will pick a wall in my

mansion and I will position myself in such a way that I am looking at the wall and then I... Seems like you would face it. Oh yes, I guess that's a simpler way of saying what I was saying. Thank you. We have all these words at our disposal, I like to use them. Sure. And then I will picture myself staring at that wall. Oh, also I make stained glass! I probably should have mentioned that one first. That seems a little more interesting. Yeah.

Of pictures of something or just... Pictures of me staring at a wall. Really? Over and over again. I've got a mental problem. I'd surmise that from some of your previous appearances, but it's nice to get confirmation straight from the horse's mouth. I feel as if that's insult after the fact.

Now tell us about why you're here. I know... Let me tell you about why I'm here. Is that what you were just asking me? I do apologize. Yeah, no problem. Yes, well, I'm embarking on a new project. This is a brand new venture for me. Something I've never attempted before. We love when you

come to us with projects because they're always so interesting. They're multifaceted. You're a guy who is a dreamer, I would say. You're a guy who has a lot of ideas. You know, I do my work in dreams. Oh really? Yes, that's how I write my musicals. Really? Is that I go to sleep, and then I'm off to the cloud cuckoo land of dreams, deep in the arms of Morpheus. That is when I hatch my little plots and plans. Yes, the Sandman.

That is when I come up with all my fanciful notions of adapting a book of poems about cats into a musical that no one will ever question is good. That is an insane idea to have, and yet it, by all accounts, it worked. Let me tell you, would a wakeful person have come up with the idea of a musical about trains featuring the actors on rolling skates? Now that you start to describe all your musicals, you are insane. Yes, it was a ridiculous dream by an insane person that I wrote down.

I transcribed it. Well, what I love about you is you come in here and you have such great ideas and you have the means with which to pursue them. I'm rich. Yeah. Do you know what I love about you? What's that? Everything.

Oh, Dame Sir, that is so nice of you to say. I think you're a grand fellow. Yeah, so anyway, that is so nice of you to say. I'm your grandfather! Yeah, so anyway, everyone be quiet. I'm working on this new project. It is a- Zach, shut up. It is a new- For one second. Sorry. It is a new, by the way, I loved you in The Hungover Ones. Is that the name of the film? Oh, good. Surprising that you saw that. It was some classic Zachary Gallifanacary, if I may.

Right. Thank you. What was your favorite part? Was it the part where he had his penis out and a woman had the penis in her mouth? I loved the female characters of the film. I loved all of them. He writes them well. Yes. I loved the monster. And the whore. And I loved the prostitute. Did I miss any? I think that I think I got them all.

So what I'm doing now is this is a new area for me. I'm I'm directing my first drama, first non musical drama. Yes, that seems like it would be out of your comfort zone. Yes. You have spoken a mouthful when you said the words you just said that I heard with my ears. You know what? A lot of people like to remain within their comfort zone. Indeed. Because it's comfortable. This is how we stagnate, Scotrick, don't you see? This is how we become just blobs of stupid-

One can either progress or regress one cannot just grass If you that is true Progress or regress and if you regress, let me show you to the egress because I don't want you around here anymore I love that bad. I love pudding. Did you write that bumper sticker? I did ages ago. No one cared for it Maybe if you cut off the stagment pile of pudding part and just ended it on the eager, on the clever. Oh, I think that's the best part.

Yeah, maybe you're right. Should I really cut it? I do try to get feedback from other people. It's important. It really is. You can't work in a vacuum, you know. You can't throw out yourself with yessing men. Now, this project I'm working on,

on which I'm working, pardon me, is... Egregious. I'm doing an adaptation of... What's the play, young man? What did I say it was? Waiting for Godot. Waiting for Godot. And...

Famous play, surrealist play by Samuel Beckett from the 1920s, I believe. I've never directed a non-musical play before. To my knowledge, I've never directed a non-musical play before. To my knowledge, I've never directed anything. But I'm going to definitely say I've never directed a non-musical play before. I think you usually get people to do that for you, yes. Yeah, well, who has the time, dear boy? I've got staring to do! And sleeping to achieve.

And staining glass. But I'm very excited about this. Take a classic piece, do a revival, and try my hand directing non-Musical type drama acting. That is fantastic. Well, we will look for that at a future date. Well, I tell you, I tell you. Make sure, I just want to plug it so we properly plug it before we move on.

Just look for that play at some time in the future. Some time in the future. In the next few years, look for Waiting for Godot. Oh no, it's next week. Oh really? Yes, it goes up next week. Next week, look for it. Be sure to check it out.

I'm meeting with the actors in less than a week's time. One would hope. Six days time. I'm assuming they know their lines. And then... You might want to check on that before you meet. You might want to shoot them an email. What I like about the theater is the honor system.

That's true. And so, I wouldn't mind though, it would help me out if we could maybe run a few lines just to try my hand at the directing aspect of it. Run a few, meaning you want Zach and I to actually... Well, you are both actors after a fashion. Well, Zach, more than I, certainly I've done my share. Certainly! Absolutely. Well, come on now, you don't have to put it like that.

Any fool could see that. Just because he's a major movie star and I'm- Inexplicably! I don't know if I'm- You want to come over here? So we have some lines- Yes, get cozy. Shit, it's not Waiting for Godot, is it?

What is it? What did I say I was directing? You said you were directing Romeo and Juliet. Oh, that's right. You said you wanted to direct Waiting for Godot, but we couldn't find any lines from it on the computer. I remember that I thought what's the difference. And you just switched it. I hope that those actors don't come

with all the Waiting for Godot lines memorized. It's part of the honor system, I guess. Indeed it is. And if the actors were the salt, they'll know both. That's true. I may call upon them to do lines from one and from the other. Like you play Robio, you play the fellow from Godot, Docs. As an actor.

You don't even know his name? Why should I know? I think you should know his name. I know the actors by sight, that's all I need to know. I meant the character's name. Well, he's not a real person. Why should I know his name? Tooshey. Am I going to run into him at a party? My apologies. Oh your name escapes me fictional person. Also the way you came to life escapes me.

How did that happen? Think I would have read about it in the Guardian. Alright so we figured it out we're doing Romeo and Juliet lines, but we don't want to play, one of us play a girl, so why don't we do a scene... That's how they did it back in the day! They did, yeah, we could do it, but instead why don't we do the scene between Romeo and Benvolio, where Romeo talks to Benvolio about some things that are on his mind. Yeah. That's a perfect description of the scene.

It's just two bros chatting. Now Zach, who do you want to play in this? Because for my money, you're the bigger star, so you should be Romeo. But Benvolio's a flashier part, and you've made your career on supporting roles, so this is quite a quandary for you, I would imagine. I've played Benvolio before. Oh, you have? Yeah, so I'd rather go with Romeo.

Okay. Shakespeare in the Park. Mixing it up! Shakespeare in the Park. Good for you, dear boy. When did you do Shakespeare in the Park? 2001. What park was this?

Central. Central? Central Park. That's so nice. You didn't know? No, I didn't know you did that. It's true, there's a tape of it online, if you wanna see. Oh, really? I'd love That's so nice. You didn't know? No, I didn't know you did that. It's true. There's a tape of it online, if you want to see. Oh really? I'd love to see that tape. Oh, I love online tapes. Audio tape. Uh, listeners, if you're listening to this, stop this episode right now,

and listen to that tape, find it online, and uh... So if you just Google Central Park 2001... It'll come up? It's the first thing probably the first it I look a lot different then but it is me really in what way do you look different just thinner I'm worse felt hmm otherwise unmistakable right well no beard no beard welcome back welcome back hey now that you've seen that you hope everyone enjoyed it online audio tape all right so right, so you've played Benvolio, so I'm gonna play Benvolio, you're gonna play Romeo, and what are you gonna be doing?

I will be directing you! Okay. You will be my puppets on a string! Is there anything we need to know before we start, or do you just want us to kinda jump in? The lines are meant to be read out loud. Oh, great. Thank you so much. You will be surprised. That is a great tip. A lot of actors.

Do you mind if we just read them as, we're just reading the lines, right? We're not necessarily acting out the lines. No, you will read the lines as you will and I will direct you. So we can just start kind of from zero and hopefully get up to ten or even a hundred after Dame Sur's... You're one of those. It depends on what scale you're using. If it's a one to ten scale, one would hope to get to ten. If it's a one to one hundred, one would hope

to get to one hundred, I would imagine. I have a secret scale. I'll let you know when you've hit the highest mark. Okay, all right, so this is... So far you haven't. Romeo and Juliet. Romeo talks to Benvolio about some things that are on his mind. That's right. And Romeo enters. Can I go forward? I'm gonna stop you there. Sorry. Could you draw out the lines? Just say them more slowly. Yes. Okay. And action. Can I go forward? Little. I'm going to stop you. I'm looking for, not to give you a line reading. No, I don't. Why would I interpret it then? Draw them out even farther to a degree where you think, well, surely he doesn't mean like this.

Okay. But yes. That's good direction. Direction. Thank you. Can I And I go forward when my heart is here. That was good except for the very last part. You sort of, you stopped drawing the lines out. I can tell you the pressure, it just seems so absurd that I...

Does it? Yeah. What's absurd about it? Vic, you can't understand what I'm saying. Well, I think... I disagree. It sounds perfectly normal to me. Alright, I'll go do the second one. Please, I wish you well. Let's give Scott a try.

I'm not done with my line yet. I'm going to be... Well, who cares? I'm going to be directing more than one actor after all. Alright, so you want me to... Yes, when you're done texting, if you could just get back to hosting the show. I have to text people in the middle of the show. Life goes on.

No, of course you do. You know, if this were a TV show, then maybe I couldn't get away with it. It's a free download. I mean, people can't expect utmost professionalism at every turn. Good point. You really make your money on the t-shirts.

Yeah. Yeah, we're making money hand over fist here at Airwolf. Alright, so... Stop taking so many pictures of people. I'm sure you give them all a free one. Do you sell t-shirts? We do. As a matter of fact, I have one for you.

It's a good t-shirt. Are we gonna buy it? No, I have one for you for free. We'll take a picture. All I ask is for a picture. Oh, with me with the shirt on? Mm-hmm. Okay. We have a deal.

Sounds like a deal breaker. All right, so here it is. Take a stab at any line of Benvolio. I have one of Benvolio right here in front of me, and what I think I'll do is I'll just start and I'll just say it. Oh, serendipity. All right, here we go.

Romeo, my cousin Romeo. No, stop. Okay. This is going to seem strange. I'm going to give you the same direction. I gave Zechariah. I need to draw out the lines. This is a style that you particularly like.

Well, yes, yes, it just sounds right to my ear. Ah, okay. If you would draw the lines out. All right, all right. So the line being Romeo, my cousin Romeo, and I'll just draw out the lines. Yes, please. Yes draw the lines out. All right. All right, so the the line being Romeo my cousin Romeo And I'll just draw out the yes, please. Yes as I said May I give you May I give you a line reading with that offend your sensibilities? No, I'm not that kind of actor. Anything that helps me, I would love to hear.

If you would just do something along the lines of this. Give me the line as it is originally. Romeo, my cousin Romeo. Yes. Something like this, I think would sound... It would make more sense if people heard it like this. Romeo, my cousin Roo-be-o! Just say it like that! I will, but I do want to ask you one question. Yes? That seems more like singing.

Whaaat's this now?! You say you've never directed a non-musical, but it seems to me- I did say that! I am not under oath, but I would gladly put my hand on a sack of your American Bibles are the Bibles different in the UK They are the curlicues. Oh Also the English Bible everything takes place in Britain And are the morals different or Britain is best. That's that's all the end of every story in the Bible. Britain is best. Keep your chin up

Keep calm carry on That's what we said to our Lord on the cross. But what I'm trying to say- At Covent Gardens. What I'm trying to say, Dame Sarah A.L.W., is that it seems to me like you're trying to turn this into a musical, which is a style that you are more comfortable with and maybe deep in your heart you are trying to regress back into what's more comfortable for you. You're right.

I am not progressing. I am regressing like a stunted pudding. Might I ask you to head right over there to that egress? You're within your rights to do so, by the rules I have established. By the power vested in you? By the compact of this podcast, I am forced to do as you say. That's right, a lot of people don't know,

but any time you're invited into this studio, you have to obey my every command. That's true, but the only way to get rid of me is to force me to say my own name backwards. Which you'll never do. I've been trying to do that for so long You'll never do it! By the way, what is your name backwards? No, it's-

Ha! You almost had me, Scaltrick! Boy, Scott. Well, this is embarrassing because I guess I'm just not cut out for this straight play business. And I had made a bet with Sir Richard Branson. Sir Richard Branson? Yes. The Virgin

America? Yes. Virgin America, Virgin Atlantic. Uh-huh. What other virgins? Virgin Galaxy with that belly space shuttle of his. Have you been on that? How many times? How many times you've been on it? Twice. Oh, not bad back. Where'd you go? We went to the moon! We went to the bloody moon! How was it, old boy?

It was nice. I sort of strived the moon in the sea of tranquility looking down on the earth. I felt like Watu the Watcher. A lot of people forget their space helmet when they go to the moon. They can't get out of the spaceship. Ten people have done it. Yeah. It's really, you gotta always remember your space helmet when you're going to the moon.

Because you can't turn around and go back and pick it back up, you know? It's like a wasted trip to the moon. True words were never spoken. You say you made a bet with Richard Branson. What are you, what kind of bet? Well it was a gentleman's bet, don't you know? And now I owe him the sum of one haypenny. That is quite a gentlemanly bed.

I haven't got a haypenny. Well, a penny would maybe do. I haven't got a penny. Well, then a haypenny would do. I haven't got a haypenny. Well, God bless you. That took long enough. Let's take, let's stretch out some of those words.

Joey, read another line? No, I think what what Dame Sir ALW is trying to say is that he is not cut out for this. Right. No, this world was never better for one as beautiful as I am afraid. Well, what do you think you're gonna do now? I don't know, does your phone say? I'm looking at the notes for this interview and I suddenly found out there was nothing left. We've we've had a conversational cul-de-sac. I was looking down at these notes like they

could help me in some way but no... I think we ought to throw it in reverse and back on out of here. We exhausted every... Look over your shoulder! Oh, hello. Don't run over a trash can or a football. American football. Soccer ball.

Uh, Zach, anything to add to Dame Sir ALW? Oh, Zach, here. I thought of a... I'd heard through Reggie's hair, I heard you talking about motion pictures with with guns Have you seen legend of the guardians the owls of go? How else would it be pronounced go who may be the whole title again legends of the guardians yeah the owls of Kind of sounds like another movie just say the title one more time legend of the guardians right the owls of Go

I have not seen that what why do you bring it up? There's no guns in that there's only two guns One one with which they shoot every owl And then one extra in case they didn't get every owl, but fortunately they got every owl That's right one owl goes on a genocidal rampage He shoots all the other owls in their funny faces But the good part of it is is he saves one bullet for himself So he's he doesn't have to use the other gun. Yes, he kills himself Basically it's a movie about an owl massacre

and then an owl suicide. And the last shot of the movie, he turns the gun on himself and you just see the screen splattered with blood and feathers. That's right. Yeah, it's really horrible. Then a raccoon walks into frame,

cradles the dead, suicidal, murderous owl in his hands, looks at the audience as if to say, what now? What hath owls wrought? What now, earth? And then that rat from the end of The Departed walks in and, uh... That's right. Yeah. And the whole audience goes, ah, I get it.

That's right. The words come up on the screen. Audience colon, ah, I get it. That's the words come up on the screen. Audience colon, ah, I get it. The more savvy moviegoers know that is their line. One is to repeat it back, yes. It's much like the Sound of Music sing-along edition. Oh, what a wonderful invention that is, those sing-alongs, those jukebox musicals.

Are you ever going to do one for one of your musicals? That's how they were all intended. Every single one of them. Most of your musicals have been made into unsuccessful movies. Many's the time... Well yes that's true. I should have made the movies first and then told the audience they were to sing along. Many's the time I'd be pacing backstage during a playing of Phantom, waiting for the audience to start singing along and they never did because they realized I'd forgotten to tell them I should have put it in the program

Uh-huh. Oh and be sure to sing along with these songs you've never heard before Just humming rutabaga is even fine. Yes, or peas and carrots. Yes, sure whichever you choose Whatever your particular acting style is. Whatever floats your boat. Ah, the proverbial dinghy. Zach? What is a gohoon? Gohoon, that's ridiculous. It's gohooole.

What is it that you speak of? That's where they're from. Oh. They are the owls of gohooole. Do you like animated movies like that, Zach? No. I know you're gonna be in one you're gonna be in you're playing Humpty Dumpty in Puss and Boots Now I didn't realize that you like a button isn't it Puss in Boots Isn't it the remarkable thing that he's Puss he's a cat wearing no Puss and Boots don't you tell me about legendary cats?

Sorry, we don't want it. What are some of the cats that you like? Oh Sorry, we don't want to... What are some of the cats that you like? Oh, I like all sorts of cats. Like what? I love Jellicle cats. Oh, sure. I love HEP cats. I love stray cats.

Oh, right. I love Halloween sexiest. I love lasagna eaters. I love the ball. Monday haters. There are also lasagna eaters. Oh, that's right. Now, Zach, you're playing Humpty Dumpty, but I didn't realize that you liked egg rolls.

Is that a joke you came up with? Yes, it is. I gave it to you. What was the context of it? Say, that was the exact context, but you're playing Humpty Dumpty. That likes egg rolls, right. Yeah. I forgot to suggest that to the writer.

Yeah. Feel free to use that, but sharp-eared listeners of this show will realize where it came from. You'll say you're layering the character a bit. Yeah. He's the... This is not your granddaddy's Humpty Dumpty. Right. This one likes egg rolls. Should I say that whole thing?

I think you should. Allowed. Okay. I'll say the whole thing. Say it now. Okay. Uh, this isn't your grandfather's Humpty Dumpty. This ain't. This ain't your grandfather's. Why should anyone take you at your word?

You must use the urgency. But I don't know the context in which I would say it, Lloyd. You're getting awfully familiar with the name of Sir LW. He's called me that for years. Oh, that's true. I forgot that you worked together. Lloyd for short.

Indeed. Only guy that calls him Lloyd. It's true, no it's- You're a lot like Jeremy Piven in Entourage. Just screaming out Lloyd. Can he sing Jeremy Piven? Yes. Sing Jeremy Piven for us, please.

Oh! Yes, I was asking you, can Zach sing Jeremy Piven? Yes. Sing Jeremy Piven for us please. Yes, I was asking you. Can Zach sing Jeremy Piven? Go ahead. I'd love to hear that. I think he misunderstood the... No, no, no. I'll do it.

I'll do it if Zach won't do it. Let's not do it. Let me ask Zach a question. Yes. Can he sing Jeremy Piven? Can he sing... Yes, I think Zach can. Here we go.

Ready? Jeremy Piven? Uh, can he sing? Yes, I think God can. Here we go. Ready? Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven to you! Jeremy Piven!

Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven!

Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Piven! Jeremy Pivens on channel 4. Alright let's take a break. Let's hear another song.

Break? Don't you mean end? No, we have so much more. We have another song from Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven? Jesus Christ. Another one! Alright, here we go.

Jeremy Piven! Jesus Christ. Another one! Alright, here we go. Ready? Jeremy Biven! Okay, this is Save Yourself, more Dylan Campbell, Comedy Death Ray. Looking at you, you're looking at me Devils in the details, I won't set you free Looking at me, I'm looking at you Wonder what I am gonna do Take my hand and I'll take yours I'm gonna lead you so far off course Take your hands and I'll take mine We're my favorite number mama 69 you better learn

To save yourself Running around town saving everyone else Like a Pentecostal preacher up in a tree Everyone but you and me, you better learn To save yourself The human soul lives behind the eyes Everything that was born was meant to die Stay with me and I will keep you alive At least to the age of 35 We live fast and we live free Live in the desert, we die in the seas All my loves they let me be But I keep them here inside of me And you better learn to save yourself

Been running around town saving everyone else Like a Pentecostal preacher who won't let you be Play the bird and I'll be the bee, you better learn To save yourself I've been running around town saving everyone else Like a Pentecostal preacher up in a tree, bleeding baby screaming, let me be, you better learn

to save yourself. Bravo! Bravo! Dylan Campbell, Dame Sir ALW, and heartily endorses that one. I do, I don't usually like to see musicians and singers being the same person. I don't care for it. In a more civilized era, people split up those duties.

People knew their place. Yes. There's a system, a class system. A caste system, as a matter of fact. Oh, if only. Oh, if only we had untouchables in Britain. Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman again. This recording sesh went so long

that we ended up splitting it in half and releasing it as two episodes back in 2010. So we're gonna be re-releasing part two next week as the second part of the essential Andrew Lloyd Webber. Thanks for listening, we'll see you next week!