Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Ford Rock Hard Eve (Max Silvestri, Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan)

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

On this Bonus Bang, comedian extraordinaire Max Silvestri joins Scott to talk about the doors that have opened since his legendary ten-minute stand-up set at a festival in Johnny Carson’s honor, growing up driving near a drive-in movie theater, and his new scripted Audible podcast “Past My Bedtime.” Then, celebrity podiatrist Harry Footman stops by to make a confession. Plus, truck enthusiast Kayla Dickie returns to talk about how her town celebrates Ford Rock Hard Eve. Originally released November 27, 2022. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re-releasing great episodes of comedy bang-bang out from behind the paywall. And this week's bonus bang is the latest episode in the series that we are calling a quickie with Kayla Dickie. Not so quick, I think this is going to be multiple weeks. Anyway, where we are showcasing episodes featuring Kayla Dickie. You know Kayla, she's the tiny woman who loves a guy who owns a big truck. She's played by Frequent CBB performer Lily Sullivan. Now, this episode is called Ford Rock Hard Eve, and it was originally released on November 27, 22, as episode 786. A lot of numbers there.

Our guest on this one is Max Silvestri, our good friend. He's got a new podcast out you can listen to you. And then we are joined by celebrity podiatrist and foot enthusiast, Harry Footman. played by Tim Baltz. Tim Baltz is Lily's husband, and you know him from The Righteous Gemstones. Finally, we have Lily Sullivan as Kayla Dickie, who explains the Ford Rock Hard Eve holiday, which is in the title.

Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang as well as other shows like CBB Presents, Scott hasn't seen The Neighborhood Listen and College Town, become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the CBBBB, archives every live episode we've ever done ad-free new episodes even more original shows and we're going to be back monday with a new episode of comedy bang bang bang bang but until then enjoy this bonus bang Comedity Bang Bang.

Comedy Back, Mine. Comedy Bang. The Sidewinder sleeps tonight, unlike other nights when the Sidewinder just does Molly and gets fucking nuts. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Yes, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. We are back, if you can believe it. No last week wasn't our final episode. We came back.

We decided to do one more at least. So, welcome back. Happy Navi Doggy to you. My name is Scott. Ackerman. We have a great show. Coming up a little later, we have a doctor, a physician, one might say. We also have a citizen of a certain town that they live in, as are we all, as they would say in Battlestar Galactica. But before we get to them, we want to get to our guest of honor. By the way, this is the show, Humanities Podcast used to be the show where we talk to interesting people. Now it's Humanities

podcast might expand to Humanities and the Animal Kingdoms podcast. We're not sure. We're testing it out on animals. We're doing animal testing right now and putting lipstick on them, mascara, and blasting comedy bang bang, right in their ears. So far they don't like it. I don't know whether it's the mascara, the content of the show, the volume. Not quite sure what it is at this point, but we'll figure that out. Let's get to our guest of honor. I want to say two and a half years ago. Wow. He appeared at a comedy festival in Lincoln, Nebraska. Yeah.

Did a 10-minute set. Opening for Dave Cooley. Dave Cooley. That rocked the world. Rocked the entertainment world. Yeah. Since then, the floodgates have opened and show business has become available to him. he is out there

and to choose your own adventure book of show businesses do I want to do this project do I want to do this project he has settled on a scripted podcast from Audible by the name of past and we'll find out whether it's spelled

P-A-S-S-E-D or P-A-S-T my bedtime that is out right now boy he's one of our favorites please welcome back to the show Max Silvestri Hello, Max.

Hello, Scott. It's so nice to be back talking about that festival appearance. Was that the last live comedy show you did before? Yeah, because we talked about it on this show. We did a full episode before. Yeah, it was just to hype it up and to make sure people went to it. Yeah, and then about a year after, we kind of did a like, let's collect our thoughts.

We've had a little distance to let it marinate the spices have gotten in. Yeah, exactly. And now I did we do one since then, too? I feel like we did another one where we got a second wrap. Oh, yeah. Maybe this is the fourth time talking about the 11th annual. We try to have you on once a year just so we can talk about this 10 minutes set you did. Yeah, and you're right.

Since I did that set now almost four years ago, I wouldn't say doors have been unlocked, but it's as if they're not open. They're not unlocked, but they're there. Yes, it's as if I've opened a mailbox and gotten a piece of paper that has like a drawing of where doors are. Yes. So I've, and I wasn't able to keep the drawing, but I did get a good look at. at it for about a minute. Someone confiscated the drawing. Yeah, the person whose house it was came out and said, you can't have that. But you open the mail at someone else's house? You can just do that.

Most mailboxes don't lock. It's really just kind of a system of trust and fear of punishment. It's true. Do you think society is different now? I mean, it used to be used to not have to put a lock on your mailbox. And now I see a lock on, you know, out of 10 mailboxes, nine? I know. People don't trust their neighbors anymore. People don't trust their neighbors. That's a great way of putting it. Because they don't go to a Christian church. And that's mostly what I'm be talking about here today. Oh, so building community around faith. So things have changed since the last time you were.

Quite a bit. Quite a bit. I met a lot of new people in Nebraska. Catch us up, though, really briefly. That 10 minutes. Sure. It was for a festival. It was for a festival in Johnny Carson's honor.

You had to go on a tour of Johnny Carson's house. I was, it was in his hometown, and I was forced to do a tour of his home, which has been completely remodeled. and then watch a video about the remodeling of the house. That doesn't seem to have factored into Johnny Carson's life at all. I agree. I don't feel that he had a lot of input in how this festival was put together, nor the memorial to his home.

And then, yeah, I did a 10-minute set. Did Dave Cooleyer watch the set? Did we talk about that aspect of it? Did he give you a great job, kid, in a Popeye voice or anything after that? I wish. I wish you would have heard about it in one of the three previous recaps had he done that, but instead he was, I dressed in an incredibly expensive outfit, and then he changed into, like, loose-fitting.

Regular guy clothes? And a hockey jersey before he went on stage in a real. But, I mean, he had his finger on the pulse so hard. See, now most performers do the opposite. Exactly. They arrive in the hockey outfit and they go, oh, I got to dress up to the stage. Polsmith suit or whatever.

Instead, he took off his beautiful, expensive loungeware and put on a giant, like, Nebraska hockey. Jersey. See, if I were that rich, because I'm presuming he's rich, I presume, yeah. You know, that many episodes of Full House. The reboot? And the reboot? Yeah. Not to mention the reboot. Um, I would assume, if I were that rich, I would not dress up a day in my life. I'd be like, you come to me. You dress up for me. I'm exactly with you. I'd be like, what I'm wearing right now is what the right rich thing to do is, because if I get rich, I'm going to assume that every decision I've ever made leading to that point was the correct one. And everyone who doesn't also make those

decisions are scum and should be washed like trash down into the gutters. So, but yeah, he, he, he understands that he's still an entertainer because ultimately he walked on stage and gave the audience exactly what they wanted. Unlike, I would say that I did not bring an attitude that they, they felt like seeing. They wanted to hear stories about Full House, as we've talked about on multiple episodes of this podcast. Did you have any stories about Full House that you told in your 10 minutes head? I didn't, and that was one of my biggest things. Ten House is a long time when you think about it. Like if you tried to tell, if you had no jokes. Oh my God.

And Max, you're one of America's greatest comedians. Thank you for saying that. You have jokes. But say you had no jokes? Yeah. 10 minutes is too long. I, yeah, I feel like to just stand up and talk. Yeah.

And to speak any truth or communicate any honest feelings. I couldn't certainly do it, you know? Yeah. So it doesn't sound like a long time in order to fit in full house stories. It was tough. And they had also not told me to prepare any full house stories. I was sort of like, they were like, we want you to. to do comedy. And I guess I assumed, and this was my mistake that I'm still sort of getting my

hands around that what they meant was do the thing like do normally, normally do. And that was wrong. That was wrong. What you should have done was tell stories about you watching Full House or you're- Ideally behind the scene stuff of what it was like to do pranks with Bob Sagitt 24 years ago. And I just, I personally chose to not do that on stage. And honestly for the best, because Dave Cooley covered a lot of that. And I feel like it would have been rude to the headliner. him though and just told it's always funny when you see like a comedian open for someone and then the second comedian gets mad because it's like i have that joke too you know it's like i pick on the guy with the big jacket in the audience yeah oh yeah have you have you seen that where the the headliner

and you headline sometimes for like uh john milaney sure yeah has he said like okay here are the five people in the front row you're you're not allowed to talk to because they're there for me i've never um he's never done that he wouldn't do that he's not worried about that but i have had had been in situations at clubs or whatever where they're like this is years ago where they'll say like and don't do any crowd work like that's any like get up there do exactly 12 minutes and then you know the headliner is the one that's allowed to Josh around yeah exactly well uh you were allowed to Josh around uh on that fateful night I was in Lincoln Nebraska and it's led you here let's talk about this podcast oh please let me in the world scripted podcast which means for

the layperson what Basically, it means in the way that a podcast like this feels organic and exciting. Feels that way, even though we've planned out a lot of this. Of course, every beat. We're all looking at a big whiteboard right now that kind of has like a flowchard. A three-act structure too. Exactly. Scripted podcast is sort of like more, feels more like a TV show that you can't see.

And was that good? Because when my TV's broken and the picture's out, I'm upset. But this is a good thing? Like in an act? Like you, like in a rage way? Yeah, I have emotional problems At home, so you're screaming And like you don't know where to direct it

And it's almost frightening And then the TV thing happens Oh man, it's everybody tiptoeing around Scott at home What will be the thing tonight? Well, see, I grew up Driving near a drive-in theater that we had And I wouldn't pay And I would put the radio station on, hold on a second

You grew up driving near a drive-in theater What a strange upbringing you had that you just drove around this drive-in theater all the time? I was bringing up the story because it felt unusual and unique that you haven't experienced it is exactly why I brought it up Scott. So let me see.

Would you like me to bring up? This is the Dave Cooyer thing all over again. Let Dave Coalier talk about Full House. Let me talk about me. You wake up in the morning, 8 a.m. Your parents say, let's take a drive around the drive. Yeah, I'm 12 years old. I go for the keys.

They say fine. I drive. You drive them. Okay, this is getting even weird. No, they're in the house. They're having breakfast. They've lost control of many years ago. No, we're speaking in the house is where the keys are kept.

The way I grew up, keys were in the house. Keys were in the, okay, we kept them in the backyard. But yeah, okay, go ahead. That's fair. That's a totally reasonable way to do it, but we're from different worlds. And get in the car, open the garage. I'm not going to walk you through every step, but I then drive near. So the lights are out, I'm presuming.

You're fumbling around for the car? I would slap the garage door opener and the garage door automatic light. Had an automatic light. Okay. And a little bit of daylight in the garage. It was fair. So the way that I was able to find objects in space. You just leave this garage door open after you leave.

So the way I'm able to find objects in space. Are thieves going into your house and stealing everything? That's for my parents to handle. I'm not there. I'm near a movie theater, a drive-in movie theater at this point. But I would put the radio on and that you could get the drive-in movie theater station. Yeah. And it's like experiencing a movie without having to look at anything.

You can look at other stuff. You don't have to pay. That's kind of what this podcast is. So you're listening to Van Helsing. Exactly. Yes. The movie Dragon Heart starring Dennis, is a specific example that I remember where I didn't realize I was near a movie theater,

thought I'd found a radio station that played audio dramatizations of popular movies that were in theaters maybe two months earlier. Exactly. And I was sort of into it because Dennis Quaid, he's got star power. I could tell what movie it was. But then there was just sort of a long period of grumbling and folly noises and leaves crunching and then the growl. And I was like, oh, they're not really telling the story.

Did it give you an appreciation for those foli artists? Because they do a lot. See, this is the thing. You don't know. Anytime you hear anything in a movie other than dialogue, it's a foliarist having to recreate it. It's crazy that people to know that. Footsteps. Yeah.

Doors creaking. People, like someone touching someone on the shoulder, they'll put in like, you know, kind of one of those noises. Because mics can't pick that stuff up on a set. No, they can't. It's actually, I highly recommend people watch the Dune trailer, the original Dune trailer, because there is a one. little scene lit in this trailer where Jason Momoa is talking to Timothy Chalame. So the original Dune trailer. Well, the first trailer for the most recent Dune movie.

So you'll be sorting on the Warner Brothers. So the original trailer of the recent one? So how are we supposed to know which one's the original? Is it clearly marked? It'll say trailer number one. Okay. But Jason Momamoa touched the Shalamay on the arm in kind of an improvised way six times in the middle of the line.

And you hear the foliar just go, oh shit. Yeah. And it's too late. And it's all in the trailer because it would have not made sense. And it's just amazing what Foley artists do. Incredible. So you grew up in this strange town. Yes.

And you listened to this stuff and then you said, okay, then we have the detour into the 10 minutes set. Yep. And then you were like, okay, what can I do with this art form? So what does Max Silvestri do with a scripted audio podcast? Well, I wrote it along with my wife, who I live with. We weren't married when we started and we were married by the end of it. Really? So was that part of it where suddenly did you type out, will you marry me?

Oh. And read page 69, dear. I've got a rewrite. I think you're going to like. I have a new idea for an episode. It's a love story. Well, I just feel like it's kind of a very modern, but already classic test of a relationship of like, okay, can you live together? Have a podcast together.

Can you go on vacation together? Can you write a scripted original together? and produce it and do all the scripts. And as soon as we kind of were in post-production, we looked at each other and we're like, I just work. Yeah. I mean, what is having a baby,

if not giving birth to a podcast? Exactly. Yeah, it just hits different. It does hit different. And it was really cool how a bunch of the speeches at our wedding, including the ceremony, mentioned that we'd done a podcast together.

I felt like it was just sort of this timeless romantic moment. that it was wonderful to experience then, and I know I'll look back being so happy that that was called out. It's never going to seem like it was of that moment that particular year. And the podcast wasn't out yet, so it was more just even the idea that we'd written and produced a podcast with no release date at the moment of our ceremony. Well, that's wonderful.

What is your writing process like? Every other word, or what is it like? One line. Line at a time. Yep, and then we take a walk together. Okay. And then we come back. We will eat, you know, not a full meal.

Like grapes, figs, cheese, you know, that's sort of classic snacks. Whatever you can pluck or whatever is just on hand. Then we huge scream fight, never about the line, but it's obviously about the line. Right. But it's about some little thing of just like, you know, why don't you mention in that email? You know, stuff like that. Right. Things around the house.

This is how you do a dishwasher. And then we make love out of the fight. Sure. Of course. And then we look at the line again and we do another pass at it and it all starts over. And it's just from there. It's just brick by brick. Yeah, so that line, how many times does that line get rewritten?

It's interesting when you read a script, and this is a glimpse inside the writer's process, because I've written a few in my day. Of course, yeah. If you're reading any script, it is crazy how many times the first page has been rewritten over and over and how few times the last page has. It's like, the first page has probably been rewritten 250 times, and the last page has. And the last page, maybe once. That is exactly the energy of what we, we belabored the first half so intensely, can we make everything perfect?

And then we finish the rest on time. That's the story of the last fours that got turned in. But really any piece of entertainment, the last few episodes of anything are just shit, right? Absolutely. I mean, maybe movies. Like look at Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones, everyone complains about the last season.

It was just because they had a deadline. Yeah, they were tired. Yeah, they're tired. Let some people sleep. They've been working so hard on the first five seasons. Then the sixth one, they're just like, okay, we've got to turn this in. Come on. Exactly, people are tired.

It's kind of like the title of our scripted Audible original. It's past my bedtime, you know, let me go to. Wonderful. Bed. Past my bedtime is the podcast. It is on Audible, which when I was growing up, Audible was just a company that, where you could hear. Listen to books like the Harry Potter book.

Yeah. Yeah. By that notorious turf, J.K. Rowling. And now they have expanded into making podcasts. Tell us what past my bedtime is. Sure. It is the little subheading is it is the untold. It is an oral history of the fastest failure in late night history.

It is narrated by a journalist played by David Harbor of Stranger Things talking. Hellboy himself. Hellboy. Yeah, not the first Hellboy. No. The second Hellboy, as you would put it. Watch the first trailer for the newest Hellboy, and I think you'll have an idea. You'll understand who David Harbor is.

But it's about a late night show in 2003 that was hosted by a 10-year-old boy and was canceled six minutes into the live premiere. Is this a true story or is this a something that you just... This is the mud we want to muck around in. This is the tension we're playing with here that you're asking. is exactly the conversation we want to be having. But it's fake. But it is fake.

It's cast with actors. And it's all actors and they do characters. And it's like silly. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, it's fun. Because I saw a cast list, uh, not not like those cast lists, you know,

when you, in high school drama where you try out for the play and they post it to a door or anything. It wasn't like that. That would have broken my heart. If you'd gone looking in person somewhere, because it's not even out. Went down to the local high school to see if I could see the cast list of this.

If you go to the SAG building or whatever, they just put all these things up. All cast list for every. And I will say the crowd of people huddling to look at what's posted is a real. It's bummer. Everyone crying. It's dark energy. The line for the bus after sucks.

But it is David Harbor, Whoopi Goldberg, Zach Alphenakis, a lot of CBB faves. Really? Got Lennon harms in it? Is this some sort of a big mouth by Nick Kroll situation where Paul F. Tompkins and I are alluded to in it, but we don't have parts. Like in that show, we're drawn into the show. That's funny you say that because there's actually two writer, comedian actor characters that are named Scott and Paul.

Of course. And there's such a big part of it, and it was such a struggle to cast them. But it's an amazing cast. How long are these episodes? It's 10, 30-minute episodes, and it starts as... 300 minutes total. A little more than that.

It's on the, you know, almost 320 minutes. 320 minutes. Yeah. Okay. And they're all out and, you know, if you have an honorable plus, it starts as a story of behind the scenes of this late night show, but it becomes sort of a search for where the boy is now and kind of a bigger conspiracy theory. It becomes a bit of a mystery.

Okay. And is it solved by the end or does it just like end? Well, I think you're just quit. No, it does. It's solved by the end. It's got a really satisfying ending. It's not. So it doesn't just stop in the middle of an episode.

I mean, while we were. were writing it, we would have loved to do exactly that. Here's a new concept. What if it just ends? What if we just stop releasing them? 10 minutes into episode six, it just ends. But we still get all the money we talked about. Yeah.

How about that? Is that a fun deal? Well, that's fantastic. I'm really anticipating and looking forward to listening to the fruits of your wife and your labor. Sure. Metaphorically. Oh, yeah.

Literally. If you were to ever have sex and have a baby, I would listen to. them. Oh, yeah. I mean, hopefully we'll get them into the podcast space early. I mean, it's an embarrassing to you to say podcast instead of podcast. I am already texting everyone in this room. Please take that out. I'm flipping out. I can't believe. Unfortunately, our editing machine is broken. Devin's been working on the editing machine for years at this point. And I think there's something where it's like stuck or something, but he can't like, you know, he's put a knife in there. And even when it's plugged in and he got electrocued one day.

But when I did all the, like, ironic slur stuff at the beginning when we were just sitting down. Oh, we weren't rolling. Oh, my God. Okay. You walked in doing that. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean, all the stuff on my T-shirt, thank God this is a podcast.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Past my bedtime, what do people do? Just put those words into a search bar or something and... Yeah, go to audible.com. Any search bar. Any search bar, really. Really, any bar. Just say the name, past my bedtime.

You're going to get a bartender with a phone. He can look it up. Look up where you live. Get you in text. copy of it to your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, wonderful. It's out there on Audible. People should be listening to this approximately

320 minutes. We need to take a break. When we come back, we have a physician and we have a citizen of a town. How excited are you to stick around? We're going to be right back. We have more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

Comedy Bang Bang! We're back. Past My Bedtime is the scripted podcast. While we don't suggest you listen to any other podcast other than Comedy Bang Bang, unless there's an emergency, that is out there. And one can listen to it if they choose to, but we do not suggest that they do so. It would mean a lot to my wife, Leah Beckman and I. The only way our marriages survives is if we average a 4.7 rating on Audible after six months. That's kind of built into the vows, I know.

With the podcast ratings being what they are and slipping the way they... And the trolls? Oh, the trolls. So, yeah, it's the only way our merit. And I love her with all my heart. So I need this to work. I've put so much of my youth. Do you have to do a podcast a year with her just to like keep everything, the juice is flowing?

Yeah, I think we might just write more episodes of this one, not put them out, but just to kind of like capture that magic. Yeah. Okay, great. We need to get to our next guest. He is a physician. Do you have a physician? Max? I've seen one before.

I don't have one. You don't have a personal relationship with a physician? No, every time something's wrong with me, I start from zero. You go to someone new. I like, I have to, I don't know where the website is. I don't know who's going to pay for it. Well, you're young enough that nothing's going on yet. I don't know.

Things are piling up. I really should develop some relationships. I don't just, things are always like hurting and I feel like my teeth are going to start to fall out soon. You really should see someone. I should. I should. Do you have a regular physician?

I do, yes. In several areas, yes. Which areas? Of your body? Of the body, yeah. Oh, the body physician and then little parts of the body, they go like, well, I'm only going to talk to you about this one. You know, it's a racket. Because like one doctor doesn't want to learn about all the parts.

Yeah, that's the thing. Like you would think that your doctor would know everything about everything because he's everything. Yeah. But then he's like, oh, okay, something wrong with your foot. I didn't go see this guy. Chapter in school? Yeah. These people are idiots.

Anyway, let's talk to one. speaking of foot doctor he is a podiatrist he fancies and styles himself as a celebrity podiatrist please welcome to the show harry footman hi thank you very much scott it's such an honor to be here what's that that's your voice yeah oh okay i'm sorry i was just thrown unbelievable is this your voice are you putting on an affect i pray to god at night i get down on my knees right in front of my bed and i pray to Scott is putting on an accent. That's not his real voice. It's disgusting.

It grates in my ears. Anyway, how are you doing? I'm sorry. Is this the first podcast you've ever done? Because if you've never heard your voice back, you wouldn't know that it's like, it's extreme. You know that word extreme,

like sports and certain sodas. Politics. Yeah. Ideological views. It's just, it's very different. I apologize. I don't mean to set you back on your heels immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, that's the way you're saying. Say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're learning a lot about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you want me to do a character voice. I don't want you to do anything. I just want you to be yourself. Because when I come up, when I listen to, you know, I'm not just your podiatrist. You are a celebrity.

I'm also a huge fan of the show. I didn't want to, because of HIPAA laws, I didn't want you to reveal that you were my, but yes, you are my. Because every time I'm looking at your feet, I'm like, these are the feet that create comedy bang, bang. And I've never heard your voice before because you're always looking down at the feet. And so it's always going into the floor. Right.

This is the first time I'm actually hearing you. I use text to talk when I'm in the office because I don't want to upset people with my cadence. Yeah. But, you know, every time I'm listening to the podcast, I'm like, give me Scott Ackerman, you know, give me interesting characters, give me hard-hitting interviews with an insurbit tone. Perfection. Yeah. Yeah.

Welcome to the show. Really? Well, I mean that genuinely. I mean, I'm honored to be here despite all the abuse I've already taken. I don't think it's abuse. I was thrown. And I apologize. I don't mean to make you feel that way.

It's all right. I've got an angelic face. Everyone assumes that I'd have some kind of dulcet tones. It is. You look very cherubic. Thank you. Yes. I've got nice big cheeks.

Chubby cheeks, one might say. Yeah, chubby little gerber cheeks. I mostly baby. Steve Gerber. What an icon. Yeah. What an incredible. man, used to be a baby.

And now, a lot of people don't know, he was the Gerber baby. And he grows up and, what is he, married to Cindy Crawford? Is that who I'm thinking of? Yeah, maybe Cindy Crawford. Who you're thinking of? Oh, who am I thinking? Randy Gerber. Same guy.

Yeah, same guy. He changed his name. Used to be Steve Gerber. Now he's Randy Gerber. What is the story? Has sex with Cindy Crawford. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking about the same guy.

Welcome to the show. So you're a celebrity podiatrist. I'm a podiatrist for celebrities. You're not a celebrity who does podiatry. No. Not yet. I'm not very well known at all. But after this episode, maybe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Scott's giving you quite a platform. I mean, this seems really nice. Yeah, I mean, that festival in Lincoln, Nebraska, the most advertising they've ever received is your four appearances here. And that's why the whole world now knows the name of that festival, which even I could say if I wanted to. Sure, if we wanted to. We have no desire.

Yeah, we've said it so many times, and obviously I know what it is still. I bet if you did say it, Scott would cut it out. He didn't, and that's a Dave Coollier joke. Oh, thank you so much. He would edit it out of the podcast. He wouldn't want people to know. They've had enough advertising. Let's talk about the elephant in the room here.

And that, uh, the name Harry Footman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that a, is that like, you know, it's not a stage name when you're a doctor, right? No, no, no, no. It's not a nom de plume. That's when you're a writer. No, no, no, no. What is it for a doctor when you take a face?

name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great question. So, I mean, my parents named me Harold Footman. Their last name was Footman. People used to say Harry Footman. You know, they called me Harry Footman. And so I think it was just the universe kind of pointing me to a diatri. Also, a major foot fetishist. Oh. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that like a conflict of interest to be examining people? I don't think there's anything in the rulebook about it, is it? I mean, it's like, yeah, you're right. You know what I mean? It's like, I guess that's a question you could act. Like, you go to your gynecologist and you're like, do you love this?

Do you? Yeah, you don't love this. And it's like, you love podcastings. It's not like a crime that you get to do the thing that gets you visibly erect for two hours every week. As they say, well,

do whatever you love and you, whatever the rest goes. You get paid to do what you love and you never work a day in your life. So, Scott, back to when you were saying when you go to your gynecologist and you're asking them questions. Yeah. Uh-huh. So,

Like, do I have a vagina? This is not what... No, stop making appointments with me. This is a penis and balls. The reason you can't remember the last time you've had your period. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. Perfect.

So you have, but you have a foot fetish. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've had that ever since you were young, or... Uh, yes, I've always been, yes, I've always been seduced and attracted to a beautiful foot, you know, an hell of now. What makes a foot beautiful? Because I look at these things and I'm just like, disgusting.

Yeah, disgusting. I don't think people should be allowed to wear sandals. Like is, is there an idealic foot, like a perfect foot? Yeah, absolutely. Probably the ideal foot is a woman's 12 and a half, a man's 13 and a half. Clawed toes. Oh. Claude.

Clod toes. That's a condition. Planner for shited. It's a condition that it means something's wrong with him, but that's a perfect foot to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me. Everyone has a different definition of a beautiful. So you see beauty and like decay and like kind of you find

embarrassly abnormally large feet as well. Right. Yeah, yeah. So like Scott's foot, for example, Scott's foot is like, you know, it looks like a possum that's been a half shake. I'm not comfortable with you talking about how my feet actually look. But go on. Honestly, thank you for the platform. Which half? Which half has been shaped? The bottom half.

Thank goodness. But Max, you were alluding to this earlier and Scott, you know, said the same thing. you have such a huge platform. You know, I hope my podiatry business gets the bubba bump. Thank you. But, no, no, no, no. I'm being serious.

So what I mean to say is I came on the show to make a confession. A confession. Oh. Okay. Well, to a crime or? Not maybe a crime of passion. I've been secretly taking pictures of all the celebrities' feet and putting them on wiki.

feet over the years. You're the WikiFeed doctor? I knew they had a source. There was too much stuff they had access to. Much. You're the guy. I'm the guy. No. No. No, no, no, no, no. How did your patients not know? Because I feel like a lot of those photos have like a quarter or a dollar bill next to the feet for scale. And I'm like, how are people walking barefoot next to money and not picking it up? And how do you have so many quarters. Like anytime I, there's a parking meter that doesn't take credit cards now, it's like, Jesus Christ, what, and you have all these quarters just laying around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My secret is I go to the bank and I say, can you break this into quarters? Great tip. Is that the confession? Great tip. How you get the quarters? That's my confession. That's my time. Thank you. Stand up reference. Dave Gouillier,

cut it out. Alanus go down on me. Do you know, do you know. Did he mention that, by the way? No. Was he like, look, yeah. Okay. Let's get us out of the way. He was all class. So it wasn't like, but he did mime it. He did mime it and then play her full album. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. I guess that's alluding to it in some ways to blast the album and do the.

You know my favorite song of that album? How would we know? Yeah. I mean, you want us to rank it in terms of like the hits. You ought to know, biggest hit. Staring you in the face. It's head over feet. Give me.

Oh. I had no choice but to here. You stayed in your case, time and again. I thought about it. You've already won me over. You know it. Yeah, you have beautiful voice. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. Smooth like silk, rich like chocolate. Those are the two things when those can combine. Silk and chocolate. Silk and chocolate. I mean, diamond and silk, even better. But some silk and chocolate, amazing.

Silk and chocolate, my mouth is open, diamond and silk. My ears. in your mind. In my mind, in my mind's eye. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so you're the guy. I'm the guy. I've been uploading them.

Well, I've never had any complaints because usually celebrities' feet are beautiful. They take care of them. And everyone's always like, you know, five out of five, beautiful feet, lovely arches. You know, I'd suck on that nail bed, et cetera. Mm-hmm. We know the kind of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know this.

You go on Wiki feet. Are you the one also leaving comments? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. But I kind of outed myself recently because... Just now. Yeah. A few seconds ago.

I uploaded... I uploaded pictures of Scott's feed, and then that's when not just myself, but all these other... People started commenting, this is disgusting. I can smell it through my computer. No. Really? P.U. Situation.

A P.U. Situation. And so I felt bad. And, you know, even though I'm a foot fetishist and a podiatrist and, you know, we're notoriously soulless people. What? I haven't heard that. What's that? Is that a foot joke?

I get it. Absolutely. Absolutely. I haven't heard that about doctors. Do you mean doctors or pediatists? No, just pediatrist. Really? Yeah, the most trustworthy doctors are probably urologists.

What? Yeah. I've never met one who's not a weirdo. A urologist? Yeah. Well, they're all very strange people. Oh. Oh.

I've gone to two in my life and both of them bizarre. You're sure it wasn't just someone trying to get your pants off saying they were urologists? Pretty sure. Although they were successful both times. Because that would work. Yeah, that's true. Great news, Mr. Rockman. You do not have a UTI.

Yeah, but. But so you think they're the most trusted and then podiatrists are the least. Is it because of the quality of the thing? they study like, okay, like if you were to say, okay, Max, I'm going to chop something off of your body. What's the thing you don't want me to chop off? And what's the thing you wouldn't mind me chopping off? Oof, I mean, I wouldn't want to lose my thumb or my nose. Those are tied for tops. Those are tied for tops. I could lose my pinky toes like they were nothing. I mean, sometimes I'll see maybe a shoe online that is not in my size. I would,

I would lose the toe if it meant fitting. And this is kind of my thing. I, you know, most people would say, hey, stay away from the Johnson. Hmm. Yeah. But that's, that's the middle of the road for you. Yeah. I'd say, like, if they're, I'm guessing, let's say, there's 20 body parts.

I'm not going to try to think of them, but let's just say generally, there's 20. 20 that you could take off the main, which is what I call the torso. Sometimes you're horny on Maine, aren't you? But yeah, I would, I would put kind of like where the penis is, kind of right in the middle. That's where I would put it. Well, you've been going down from the top of the body in terms of your preference, too. I guess I got my head in the clouds.

Yeah, ears, nose, exactly. Are you the guy outside with the car that has the bumper sticker that says, go ahead and chop off my Johnson? Is that you? Is that your car? Because I saw that. Prius tinted windows, got to have them tinted. It's, okay. But you put a Tesla sticker on it, even though it's a Prius is very weird.

It's H-8, J-H-N. S.N. S.N. Hate Johnson, but then the kind of rim around it says, go ahead, chop off my Johnson. I would love to lose it. Not only do I not need it, I would love to see it gone. I mean, you can start reading that phrase in any, you know, because it's a circle.

Yeah. Yeah. So, but that's my point, Harry, is that, is that... That's my father. Call me Mr. Footman. Okay, Mr. Footman. Dr. Footman. I think you would be... I disrespect my father.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But most people would say Johnson, so it's like, oh, if you're a doctor to this trusted thing that I'd never want chopped off, I trust them. But meanwhile, you could chop off my foot and I'd be fine with it. And you're the doctor of that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although I think it's great to refer to your Johnson as my trusted thing. I'm about, oh, I'm about to pull out my trusted thing. You're getting my trusted thing so hard.

If I'm pulling it out, there's no one in the room. or I'm not announcing it. You're in a urinal pissing into some ice. It's time to use my trusted thing. The guy who lays down the ice, by the way, in my favorite restaurant. Dodo me. Yeah, I've talked to you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing more satisfying than taking your trusted thing out. I'm not announcing this in the bathroom, by the way. Although I may start, hey, everyone. Just so there's no confusion. Yeah. And I don't get, you know, me-toed here. I'm about to pull out my turn.

trusted thing. Yeah, that's what enthusiastic consent is. Is it okay if I pull out my trusted thing and absolutely pressure wash this ice? You need to get consent from everyone in the restroom. I think that's important. All I need to have sex is a smile. It is important. It is interesting. I think I've brought this up before. The public restroom is one of the only places in the world that you can pull out your penis and handle it in public. Here we go. Go off king. It is a weird thing to think about. You're about to do 10 minutes in Nebraska. Because, and then they don't let you do it in a strip club, that's the place it should be legal. Yeah, where are these rules written down?

There's no rule back for this stuff anymore. How come the customers can't strip as well? Let me up on stage. You're giving me a lap dance. It's my turn. Yeah. I'm being, you know, you're just trying to be generous. You're trying to give back. You know, I think that's being a good customer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've touched on a lot of different fetishes. I think it's fine that mine are fee. Sure, I guess so. I mean, you know, hashtag feet. How do you reconcends? Can I just say, how do you reconcile your love of disgusting, twisted, mutant feet with what I imagine celebrities want, which is kind of a more normative, smooth, long, straight, toad look? Like, do you give them what they want, or do you try to sell them on your vision of repulsive beauty?

That's a great question. I'm not being reproachful at all, but let's be mindful of our language, you know, normative. what is normal. Like Scott has absolutely hideous feet to a normative eye. I don't like you telling everyone that. You know, and they, I've asked you to do something about it.

They literally like point like a snout into one big toe at the end of it, like a possum. They make a little squeak sound every time he steps. Oh, I look. He sounds cuter and cuter the more you talk about it.

Honestly. Like a little elf or a stuffed animal or something, but you ever wonder why he's so good at running on the top of the fence? Sometimes I'll be in the waiting room at Earwolf And I'll see Scott go by with a little lemon in his hand

And then he goes back with no lemon in his hand And then he comes back with another lemon And I'm like, how's he doing this so fast? Anyway, I'm not saying, you know, And no matter what your feet look like, treat yourself, get a pedicure, feel confident, you know, then take pictures of your feet and upload them Get horny on Maine, put them to the grid, you know what I mean?

Whatever your social media presence is, It's time for a vibe shift. hashtag feet what's popping up when you click on that hashtag on hashtag feet yeah Scott come on what do you think probably close up some feet but I have

no idea I'm imagining your discover page right now on Instagram what the algorithm is giving you based on what you look at and it's it's twisted it's all that in Love Island three and I've uploaded pictures of all their feet the entire cast that you've taken yourself

yes Nancy the feet of a god goddess, uh, Zenib, the feet of a goddess, Cole and Bartis. This is not Love Island. This is love is blind, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I hear Zanab, I know you're talking about love is blind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what I'm talking about, Bartis and Cole, two of the most selfish, disgusting,

self-involved feet you'll ever see in your world. So to the feet, I mean, this, and this is a good question, I think, if I'm judging my own questions, I give it an A-plus. But, um, you know how every once in a while you'll see a dog who looks exactly like its owner. Do feet look like their owners? Yeah, if someone's flexible enough to put their feet up next to their face their face just gets wider.

Strikingly similar, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, give me a flexible person, give me a clean foot, give me it next to someone's head. I feel like we're now, suddenly we have a new fetish for you. It's getting pretty worked up, yeah. Give you someone who basically like uses

their feet to make it look like they're wearing podcast headphones. Oh, like putting, oh, yeah, each one on the left ear. Hello, I'm listening to you. I'm turning the volume up. He, he. I'm listening to Max's past your bedtime. Thank you so much.

I'm listening to comedy bang, bang. Ho, ho. I'm getting ready for Christmas. Do you feel I need to, I want to ask, because now I'm starting to think about my own feet, do you feel like the character, like that any attributes on a person's foot tells you something about who they are?

Yeah, you know how you can read a palm? Can you read a foot and learn something about the person? And the way Scott's always talking about, Like skull size tells you a lot about aptitude and all this stuff off mic that's like so interesting because none of us know a lot about it. Right. But racially tinged, I think we can agree upon. I'm just talking about an article I read. Okay.

It sounds like phrenology. I'm uncomfortable. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, you can absolutely, when you're looking at a foot, you can absolutely say like, oh, my God, the fallopian tubes are here. The urethra is here. Let me rub this. Wait, on the, make your thigh and activate your foot.

activate your thigh. We're not talking about physical attributes. We're talking about, like, personality. Yeah, like, to someone with, like, a big main toe, are they greedy? That's kind of what I'm looking for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If your second toe is love money, are they? Is that where you're getting at Max?

Oh, okay. You've lost me again, Scott. We're getting into another tinged area here. No, no, but if the second toe is bigger than the big toe, you're a sociopath. If your third toe is bigger than all your toes, you're, you're, um, a good person. Oh, so cut and dry. Yeah.

Yeah, because you're so ashamed. You live in shame and so you thought about your actions a lot. And therefore you treat people well because you live by the golden rule, which is reciprocity. Right, right. Interesting. What do you think of shoes? Should people not be allowed to wear them or what? Everywhere except the airplane.

I think everyone should be bareful. On the airplane. Yeah, yeah. Is that a safety thing? No, I think it would really, if everyone's looking at each other's feet on an airplane, there'd be a lot less anxiety about being in a metal tube hurtling through space. That's true. Also, they tell you when you fall into the ocean to take off your shoes immediately.

So it's like, yeah, you get a, because they'll drag you down. And so it would give you a head start, wouldn't it? I think it's mainly because if you have shoes on when you fall in the ocean, you probably have stinky feet. And that's the last thing that sharks want to eat. Stinky feet, really? And it's the first thing that mosquitoes want to eat. Uh-huh. The smell of.

Of the, well, come on now. My talk to text is always like, your feet are incredibly stinking. Mr. Ackerman. Yes, and I'm like, what are you going to do about it? And you never have any solutions. You're so good at doing the talk to text voice. Yeah. You should just do that instead of having to type.

It's pretty comforting. I prefer that voice to your normal voice, if I'm being honest. How dare you? We are enemies. Look. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're even doing the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no. Give me Scott Aukerman.

So that's not a verbal affectation. Give me verbal abuse. Okay, well, look, Dr. Footman, I appreciate you being here. I don't appreciate you kind of, you know, bearing for no, for lack of a better term, bearing my secrets. I'm losing interest in this dismount even as I say it. What do you think about that? Is that due to you?

two to me. No, no, no, no, no. It's because you decided to be disrespectful as opposed to thanking me for coming on the podcast. Do you think we got off on the wrong step? A foot. Step. Oh, I see what you did there. Nice. I've never heard that before.

But you have heard get off on the wrong step. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, as in like you trip up the stairs. You shatter up the stairs. Shatter your front teeth. You give yourself a concussion. Most people are falling down the stairs, I have to say. Look, Dr. Footman, we need to take a break.

Is that okay? We need to get to our next guest on the other side of the break. Can you stick around, though? Because I think they have really nice feet that you're going to be very interested in. I'm into it. Okay, great. And Max, how do you feel about sticking around? I feel great.

I would love to see their feet. Yeah, I think we all agree that we want to see their feet when we come back. Okay. All right. We're going to come right back. We're going to have more Dr. Footman. more Max Silvestri will be right back with more comedy bang bang bang over this comedy bang

yeah comedy bang bang we're back Max Silvestry past my bedtime is the show it's not really a show it's a piece of content right

it's just it's it's slop to put in your bucket to chug before you go to bed and have you know no dreams on Ambien it's just it's just grist for the mill exactly

It sounds like the perfect thing I'd be washing my feet to. Oh, okay. So you take care of your own feet, but you can't do anything about mine? They're beyond repair. Well, you can tell me that instead of keeping, you know, you keep saying like, well, come back in a month and see, see if anything's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I want to see how you're doing with your feet. You know, it's about self-care. Okay.

You're doing them self-harm. Okay, I'm doing, really, they're worse? Huh? All right, never mind. All right. Well, we need to get to our next guest. hopefully we'll see their feet, but she's been on the show several times. She is, well, she's a citizen of a town, definitely.

I can't remember what the town is, but she's a truck enthusiast. We can say that. Please welcome back to the show, Kayla Dickie. Hey. Hey. Hey. Let's see them feet. I'm not going to be showing my feet today.

Today? When will you be showing your feet? Um, well, I mean, it's, it's gonna, I'm gonna need some money. Oh. To show that off. Oh. I like to get paid for that stuff. I mean, we work in Hollywood.

You have to value yourself monetarily. A lot to her is probably chicken feed to us. Dangle an opportunity that we'd have more good on. I would take 25, 30 bucks. Here's $100 to keep your shoes off the rest of the recording session. You had that $100 already out. It's incredible. incredibly sweaty. It's been sitting in my palm.

You pull that out of your shoe. Yeah. I guess I'll take off my boots. The wallet of the clothes. Well, my boots are off. Oh. Oh. There they are.

Yeah. Oh. What do you call that? Dr. Footman, what is, what do you call that condition? A boner-inducing foot. Okay.

I don't know why you don't find this attractive. I think it's incredibly beautiful. I would just like to say for the audio record, you know, I just got you asked me to come. come on and be a good support. I'm just uncomfortable with the three-on-one sort of dynamic. I know it's fucked up. Do you want to switch over to her side?

I'd like to be asked to take my shoes off is what I'm saying. A hundred dollars, come on. I mean, $100, even though it's not a lot to us, I'd still take. I would love $100. Hold on a second. Here, other shoes. There's $100 to take your shoes off. Sopping wet, like a wipe you get at a barbecue restaurant.

Oh, my God. What is going on there? Well, that was in the other foot. The other foot sweats a little bit more profusely. Yeah, my and Belle was covered in like a lotion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I made sure that my feet, you'll always take care of your feet. You never want, you never want dry feet.

It's the opposite of the Army. What? Sure. Have you seen casualties of war? Yeah, boots and socks are one of the top things, right? In the Army. You want to keep your feet dry at all times. Okay, got it.

Okay, Kayla, the record. Anyway. Yeah, Kayla, sorry, this is your time. Anyway, see you guys. later. No, no, no, no, I think I'm going to go. No, no, no, let's keep talking about the feet. Rescending my time. Rescending my time. Um, yeah, hey, hey.

Welcome back to the show. Great to have you. So great to be here. For people who this is their first time hearing you. Missed you. Uh, yeah, it's great to have you back on the show. Missed you. Always enjoy having you, Kayla. So for people who, uh, don't know who you are, you live in, where is it? I live in Colorado, Southwest Colorado. Mm-hmm. Montrose. Montrose.

And long story short, you used to work for a guy named Judweeby. Yeah. So, okay, the recap. Basically, I was, I used to work for Judd Weeby, who was the mayor of Montrose with my girls. We were all his secretaries. Then he burned down the town when he left. The entire town. The entire town.

A lot like Mrs. O'Leary's cow. Yeah, exactly. That cow used its foot to kick over a lantern, which started a fire. But Judweeby, what did he do? He left multiple curling irons on. He started the fire, and then he fled into the woods, and he was living as a bear. And then he came back for a little bit, and then he left again. And obviously, throughout that, I was fucking him.

Me and my girls were all having sex with him. Right. During the entire, soup to nuts, every part of the process. Yeah, whenever he was in town and not a bear. Right. And you want to have sex while he was a bear? I had sex with him when he was a bear once. Was that different? Or did he have the same? It was good. It was in the dumpster.

Oh, great. Okay. Say no more. And then basically I was working at David's Bridal with my girls. In the meantime, I've been dating, just guys like on, you know, who pick me up in their big, big, big trucks. I walk along the streets and they come by and they yell things at me like, hey, stupid little bitch and get in here. and then I climb up their 15 foot tall wheels and I get in there and we fucking ride. Yeah. We go.

Now the last time I saw you was truck week. Yeah. And that's... Well, you saw me on the tour also. Must have been a busy week. Yeah. But truck week only happens once a year. Truck week is a once-of-year type of thing.

Yeah. It's basically all of truck enthusiasts, specifically the Ford Rock Hard series, descend on Montrose, Colorado for one week where we suck and fuck each other. in their big, big truck. Yeah. There's nothing funny about sucking and fucking.

Let's keep a straight for you. And I'm always single for truck week. I absolutely have to be single. And Judd Weeby was fine with that. Well, obviously, like, at that point, we haven't seen Judd in a while, to be honest. Oh, really? So my last boyfriend was this guy, shart.

Oh, right. Yeah, you told me that. And before that was cart. Right now I have a new boyfriend. Oh, congratulations. Who are you with now? Barf. Barf.

Barf. Barf. Barf. Barf. Barf. Barf. Just barf. Okay, well, that's great.

And he... Woo! How long have you been seeing, this gentleman? Um, like, for like a month. So it's like pretty serious. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty serious.

So from late October till now? Yeah. So Halloween? Is that when you got together? Halloween, we got together. Oh, wow. I was a water bottle and he was... How were you a water bottle?

I dressed up as a water bottle. That was not you just looking at whatever was in your direct line of vision. No, I was a water bottle. You're probably just spooked by how eerie the coincidence was. Because, yeah, we have a lot of them right here. Thank you, exactly. I mean, that would be like, if you dress as a wolfman, I walk in here, there's six wolfmen. Yeah.

It would be like, fucking weird. Weird mystic stuff happens more around Halloween. It makes sense that of spooky. Like, I believe in witches and everything, and this is truly a witch's moment. I was a water bottle. I was in Naljean. So, like, old school. water bottle. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's it for that. And then Barf picked you up in the

truck, I assume? Yeah. And then, of course, like, I left this party because I was like, God, there's like no guys with tiny, tiny dicks here. So I left, everyone's walking down the street, and then this guy drives by and he's like, hey, hey, you dumb fucking asshole, who's such a little bitch? Do you say anything like, turn around when I'm talking to you? He was like, look up at me, smile for me and I gave him this I mean really good smile oh good yeah well that's how you I showed all my teeth bottoms mostly bottoms most mostly bottoms really yeah and he didn't did he comment at all on the the costume that you're wearing because I feel like that's such a line he was like don't those things like don't they put plastic in the water when you drink them and I was

like yeah I'm old school I was like if I would be more like hey let me drink you in yeah yeah I mean but he said I'd like a swing of that out don't they put plastic in the water Ocean? What? He said, don't those water bottles put plastic in your water. Huh. I thought the like barf truck thing that this guy was going to be really like, well, you know, fuck the environment, but that he's got such a line on. Yeah, no, actually, he's really serious about his water. And he has one of those like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's one of those water.

What? Let me just say, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you wanted to interject? Well, I hadn't, I hadn't talked in a while. I understand. Go ahead. Say whatever you need to for 60 seconds. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I don't want that. You don't want that long? No, no, no. Okay, go on. Sorry.

Oh, my God. It's mine. Like, it's all good. I'm here, actually, though, because I wanted to tell you guys, like, obviously, the holidays are coming up. Yeah, obviously. So exciting. Yeah. Are you so exciting?

Christmas is coming. Did you not miss me? Yeah, it's always wonderful having you on the show. I enjoy talking. Why can't you say that you missed me? I don't know that I have as much as I just enjoy having you on the show, and you're a wonderful guest. Okay, fine. Holidays are coming up.

Christmas is coming. Goose is getting fat. Exactly. Please put a penny in the old man's. And I don't want any of those pennies that you just pulled out of your shoe, by the way. Those are, yeah. They're not even jangling. They're so wet.

It's just like a sploosh. What will you take off for these splooshy pennies? It's like you've got a handful of boba tea in your hand. It's scoaks. Squishy. So what do you have to do with the holidays? Because nothing that we've talked about previous has anything to do with the holiday. Well, you have to buy a gift for,

Bart, that must be a little stressful. That's what I said. Well, it was just like in my town, like we celebrate holidays a little bit differently. And I'm just like really excited. So holidays just hit different? They just hit different. When the holidays come around, there's been a vibe shift. They hit super fucking different in our town.

What happens? Well, first of all, we have, um, Rock Hard Eve. Oh, oh, that's not Christmas Eve. No. This is rock hard. This is a separate holiday. only in your town. Dedicated fully to the Ford Rock Card series.

Yeah. What are they up to now, by the way? 515. 500. Oh, really? So that I'm even doing the 50s anymore. They're like going in between. They're doing small numbers now because of just like issues with the supply chain.

Oh. So they'll give like part of a truck. They'll make part of a truck and you can buy that. Oh, okay. So it's it's the 550 but with stuff missing. Yeah, exactly. Sort of like a three wheeler, no hood, you know, but it's cool. Yeah, like you're lucky if you get like a mirror or like if you get like a wheel.

Yeah, right. That's just mostly what they're up to. But you can go on the Facebook message boards for that. Sure. If you really want to like get all that detail. Yeah, I really want just a cursory bit of information about it. So what is Ford Rock Eve? Ford Rock Eve.

Ford Rock Hard Eve. Ford Rock Hard Eve. Every Ford Rock Hard Eve, all of the towns people come together to feast on a pile of of roadkill, where we eat and we fuck. And then... I got to visit this town at some point. Sounds like there's a lot of events

where people are just... I don't think guys like you and us would do great in this town. Probably, yeah. We take shots of gasoline. Things get pretty fucking wild. And then at night, all the women go home. During the day?

All this fucking... Wow. Shots of gasoline? Wow. When I was envisioning it, presumed it was like midnight or something. No, midday. We're talking noon.

Midday, yeah. This sounds like on love is blind when they first meet each other and they go to their little retreat area and everyone's just fucking and sucking because they're so happy to not be in the pods anymore. Yeah. Not each other. Although some of them would like to, right? No, I've seen that.

They fucking suck. There's like the things attached to the wall that are like for them to get out the energy or whatever, right? Yeah, yeah. So there's one episode where they're just fucking and sucking these. I mean, they're not dildos, but they're like, it's like rubber. They're wall attachments. It's like textures, yeah.

They're like schnazberries or, yeah, they're sucking and fucking these schnazberries. But they're so depleted after that they can kind of then have like real conversations. Yeah, all their juices are out. So they're like their most intellectual they're going to be. And is that what Rock Hardeeve is like? By the nighttime, what happens? By the nighttime, all of the girls in the town leave their boots on the roof. I'm into it.

And the next morning, we wake up and you look in your boots. And if the boots are filled with chili, you've been a good girl. And if the boots are filled with soup, you've been a bad girl. Wow. And that means. What's the distinction between chili and soup? Is it just a thickness? Here we go.

A connoisseur, a true foodie asking hard-hitting questions. I mean, because some soups are thick. Yeah, you can get a thin chili. You can get a thick soup. Yeah. A thin chili is so good. Are there like kind of Talmudic scholars that are kind of looking at these questions of rock hard faith of saying like what defines chili, what defines soup these are? It's like in the comedy bang bang, bang writers room, we were trying to crack a sketch about the world's largest slider or the world's smallest hamburger.

Which is it? You know. Right. Will you tell us or do we have to walk the show? Do you have to watch the show? No. You could throw us an episode number. We never, it never got it.

Oh, you didn't solve it. Yeah, sure. It was cut it dress. Our dress rehearsals for that show were legendary. Yeah, the crowd loved it. That was after the castles went up on the door. So a soup, which is thin. Yeah.

Bad, bad. Really thin. Bad girl. You've been a bad girl. And chili, which is slightly thicker. You've been a good girl. You've been good girl. Okay.

Are your rewards? Is the reward for being a good girl? The chili? Yeah. Yeah. And you get to stay in the town. And you're punished. Oh, wow.

So if you get soup, you are asked to leave. Well, you're asked to go on 40 days and 40 nights trip of Rock Hard. It was about three months. Like, Jesus. I think they probably 40 days, the day and the night ends up adding it to one. Moses. I don't think it's 40 days, then 40 nights. It was Jesus.

Oh. Oh, so you think it's just 40 days. It might be, yeah, yeah. So it's a little more than a month? It's not 80 days. I had thought. I know. I was like, it's a month and a half.

What are you talking about? I thought they were allowed to come home during the day after the 40 days were a... This isn't a Great British Bake Off, okay? This is like, you are stuck there. You're stuck. Should more reality shows let the contestants go home at the end of the day? I mean, I think it makes them a little bit healthier. You know what I mean?

Like, love is blind. Would it be better if they were allowed? like, okay, you've been in the pods all day. Go home for a while. Meet some real people. See if you like any of them. Reconnect with real life. That's what they do in the second round. In the second round, but by then

they're hypnotized into thinking they like these people. Like them. Love them. They've proposed. You're a real love is blind connoisseur. Yeah, I'm going through. He loves it. What do you like better? Feet or love is blind? That's a toss-up.

J.K. Feet. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so do they stick their feet back to your story? Do they stick their feet in the boots with the soup and the chili? Yeah, you have to, oh, that's, I forgot to mention you're wearing a blindfold. So when you put your feet into the boots, you have to guess, did I get chili or did I get soup? And how's, what's the punishment if you get it wrong?

So it feels like your punishment's already decided by what's in the boot. Yeah, what's the reward if you get right? Because it seems like immaterial to what's, going to happen. If they've been a good girl or a bad girl based on super cool. I like the level. It's fun to guess. Oh, it's fun.

Oh, yeah, sure. It's, uh, I'd say it's levels to this shit. Yeah. Thank you. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, anyway, if you've been a bad girl, you get sent to the desert for 40 days. 40 nights. Wow.

And that's where you have to survive all by yourself. No one else around you with nothing but a truck. Oh, well, that's, Sounds pretty easy. Yeah, and two boots full of soup. Yeah, like you can make those for 40 days.

You don't get to bring the boots. You guys, this is actually really hard. I can't believe this is your reaction. It's very hard. How much gas is in the tank? Well, how much have you drink? That's a good point. Yeah, you'll be, didn't think about that.

You'll be puking and shitting out gas for at least a week after Rockard Eve. If you're lucky, yeah. So it's really 33 days and 33 nights after you finish diarrhea. Exactly, yeah. You don't count days where you diarrhea. Those are just. No. No, diarrhea dates you're out of commission.

Those aren't real days. How many diarrhea days do you have a year? Honestly, today's a diarrhea day for me, so I'm basically not even here right now. You're 365. How many day, how many diarrhea days do you have? Give me a number. I think I'm like 300. 300?

A year. Yeah. Diarria days? Do you have coffee in the morning? Coffee in the evening. Coffee at supper time. When coffee is in the morning. I can put coffee on a bagel and I'll have diarrhea at any time.

So why do people drink coffee if it just gives everyone diarrhea? Because what are you even doing if you don't drink coffee? Don't you want to live your fucking life? You ever see, though, like in a Starbucks, especially here in Hollywood, like all these people, all these women dressed up, and you can just imagine these giant frappuccinos. You can just imagine them shitting their brains out right after. I mean, isn't that the point? I mean, how are you supposed to leave the house if you don't blow it out in a rush?

People are just walking around with all of it in? That's crazy. sexist of you to just like blame Starbucks on a woman. I want to see Scott's morning pages. It's probably like, and then I pictured a woman having diarrhea. What goes in must come out, et cetera. That's why I think it's weird to go on a first date to go to a restaurant. It's like you're just, you know what I mean?

It's like you're just feeding the beast. Where's Carly? You don't want women to eat. Yeah. No. What would you prefer to do? What's your ideal day? Pick them up at noon.

They don't eat the rest of the day. So you want them starved. Yeah. I want them up early. Honestly. Getting out what they need to get out. Awake. I want them sharp.

I'm not saying I want them tired by seven years. We're usually talking the first four hours of the day is all diarrhea. I really think about it. Because if you have one cup of coffee, that's going to, I mean, that's going to put you in the bathroom for most of the day. So have you been a good girl every year? No. No. I've been bad.

How many years? I've been bad for like four years. Whoa. Four years running at this point? Oh no. What do you think it is? That's like four day years and four day nights. Yeah.

Four year nights. Thank you. Such good math. What do you think you've done to turn you into such a bad girl? I mean, I've been bad because like I talked back. To whom? To a guy. Oh, okay.

So it's the men of the town? Yeah, the men of the town. That wasn't clear. I thought there was a mythical creature like a four. Well, it's supposed to be the... Like Henry Ford, the ghost of Henry Ford. No, it's the ghost of Gerald Ford. Oh, interesting.

Yeah, and he fills your boots. But really it is the townspean. Oh, got it. Yeah, like the council. Oh, it's a select group. It's town council, yeah. Okay, so it's not voted on democratically. No, no, no.

It's just a select group of people appointed. It's as problematic that they have that power over you throughout the year to sort of say, hey, if you don't do this, things might look bad in your boots or whatever because that feels I'd put you in a position where you had to do things to get the chili. And the guys would say, don't you want the chili? Yeah, I mean, I get it.

But, like, I just, like, again, like, I've lived in the community for so long. I just support, like, all the men with their big rock hard trucks and their small, small, tiny sticks. And, like, that is just, like, I'll do anything for them. So if they tell me, like, I'm doing something wrong, like, whatever. You're willing to change. Like, yeah, like, I will go out there

and I will go to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and I will ship my brains out. And I will, like, I mean, I get really creative out there. In what way? What do you mean? Creative with what? Like building a roof over my head. Oh, so shelter.

So I would imagine you have to forage for food and you have to build shelter. Although, I guess you have the truck for shelter, but. You can't sleep in the truck. Oh, you're not allowed to sleep in the car. All you have to survive. What is the truck for? Why are you bringing it to get to the desk? That's part of the tradition.

Your boyfriend sends you and his truck out into the desert to survive. It's not your truck. You have whatever contents he's left in the truck. So last year I got left just like some leftover McDonald's. By the way, there is no McDonald's on the table here. So this is stuff that actually happened. I got left some Kleenexes, some trash can. A little sign that said this area is regularly disinfected.

A thing of pens. some tape. Did he leave you any sure podcast microphones? Yes, yeah. To create my own podcast. A blazer. Oh, well, that's, I mean, this is a terrible story. Max, I don't know how you feel about this.

I mean, I just, I have a lot of thoughts, but I feel like I'm an outsider judging a community I don't live in and what might be weird to me is normal to you. Not to give him a boner, but I've never walked in your shoes. Oh, my God. Hashtag feet. I might pass out. All the blood is rushing to my groin. But what about this Gerald Ford?

How come, you know, Gerald Ford is a 38th president of the United States. His ghost just doesn't go anywhere. Usually it's in the swamp, Washington, D.C. So what is it doing in Montrose? Oh, you think that's the swamp? Interesting take on politics. University of Florida and Washington, D.C. is the swamp. The two swamps.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What are you going to do, Obama? Well, I mean, Gerald is actually the creator of the Ford Rock Hard series. Most people think it was like Henry Ford and like Ford or whatever. Yeah. But actually, Gerald Ford took a break from being president. Whoa.

To create the Ford Rock Hard truck. Is that why Carter got elected? I had always presumed that it was because people liked him more than Ford and people were tired of the, of, you know, the Nixon regime and all. that, but it was because he wanted to design the Ford Rock Hard series. Yep. And he wanted the wheels as tall as himself, he said. That was his one. That was the quote.

Wow. Huh. People do sometimes, I mean, I feel like he has this kind of cartoon reputation as being maybe a dimmer present. Climsy. Exactly. But to find out maybe he was just distracted because he was working on a pretty giant feat of product engineering and, yeah, launching this big thing.

That's really. It's absolutely a feat of engineering. Okay, all right. Hashtag feet, if you will. F-E-A-T. F-E-A-T. I ate the feet. I ate the feet? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the Taco Bell's, what? My fourth meal is absolutely a foot. You know, and I'm not eating it. I'm not swallowing, but I'm definitely putting it in my mouth. I say I'm a foot long, but penny foolish. Does that make sense? It doesn't. It was close.

It was plus. All I heard was foot. Yeah. So you're on. A penny save is a penny foot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had me at that. Speaking of pennies, anyone want to take anything else?

Oh, no. Oh, no. Please. Oh, my God. They just evapor. You put them on the table and it just is a puddle. Like cereal that's been left in the bowl for a week or whatever. Chirios dissolving.

Why are you leaving your Cheerios in the bowl for a week? Which chest piece would you say you are in the relationship? Are you a rook? Are you a castle? Are you a pawn? Are you a bishop? Hello. What do you mean when you say that?

Just now that I have a little experience in scripted podcasting, it can help to have a narrator or yourself redo the line. But say the thing you're doing, you know, to describe it for the people just at home. What did you just do when you said, hello. Yeah. I gave my hand came out with a little flourish. It didn't come out with a little fur. Came out with a little down at the wrist. It did?

No, no. What I was doing was what bishops do at Mass. when they go down to grab a little communion wafer. And they place it on your tongue in private while they're saying, trust me, I'm a urologist. I want to see your most trusted thing. We're all in the same page. So do you think this year you're going to be a good girl or?

I think this year I have been a good girl. Really? So you haven't talked back? I haven't talked back. I'm not too old. That's another one. So you were too old before? Once you turn 30,

No, that this is just like one of their rules. Once you turn 30, like you for sure are bad. And you will be going to the desert. How old are you? I'm young. Yeah. No, I mean, you've seen it. No, I'm young.

Is there like a job that they give older women in the town to at least like help keep like windows clean or like the lambs lit or something like that? Something useful like repurposing. I mean, if they survive the 40 days and 40 nights, then they can be brought back as an elder. Oh. Oh. And so they're just one of the older women in the. town who, you know, like maybe owns the bridal shop, like Merg. You remember Merg?

Oh, I remember Merg. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, like those other jobs. They're just like manager jobs. Where they're there to help the young women. Yeah, the young women. They corral the women.

Yeah. That's great. Sexless herders kind of. Yeah, exactly. You would love it there, Scott. You would fit, right? I really do. The way that you talk to me when I'm here, your whole energy towards me,

the way you wanted to see my feet immediately. Yeah. Amen. Scott's a Montrose man. You're a Montrose guy. Yeah. I think there might be. I have a poster up in my office, speaking of older women that says the older, the foot, the sweeter, the juice.

Okay. Is this the office that the patients can see or is this sort of a private back office? Your patients enjoy this? This is my back office. Oh, you're back office. Oh, nice. Back office. Yeah, my front office is just my speak and spell machine.

I've rigged my text to talk. Yeah. I think if I ever saw that, I don't know that I would ever, I don't know that I'm coming back now. Well, then I'll come to you. Okay. Actually. Sounds great. As I'm looking to get specialists to find some people that come to my house, that'd be incredible.

It's not bad. Well, I wish you luck, Kayla. I mean, this is a great time of year, and I hope that you come out of this on the other end with some chili in your boots. Thank you. I don't think I've ever said that before. Wow. Well, I missed you. It's great to have you on and many hamburgers to you as well.

Much chili to you. I appreciate that. May you have chili in your boots? May you find chili, but also a little soup. What does that mean if you have mostly chili but a little soup? Even a little bad. Oh, okay. It's always good to be a little bad. And I hope you end the day with a foot in your mouth.

I don't know. All right, well, we're running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs. I can hear your plugs theme. Oh, wow. Coming through my phone. Beautiful. Can I stream your TV show on all platforms?

What's your Twitter handle? Can I get those deeds? Want to see where you're playing in the city next week. You give me plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, crazy plugs. You give me plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs plugs, plugs, crazy plugs. Oh, that was Crazy Plugs by Adam Schilling,

which I believe is a parody of the Van Morrison song. Crazy Love, is that right? Yes. It's more like a mom. It was beautiful. I thought it was a parody. Oh, okay. You didn't think it was beautiful?

I thought it was a very funny parody. I didn't see you laugh. I saw you crying during that. Thank you to Adam. Guys, what do we want to plug? Obviously, Max, we have past my bedtime. Please. I'm going to stop there and let you take over.

I would love it if people would check out, Pass My Bedtime on Audible written by me and Leah Beckman. Also, I'm on social media as Max Silvestri, but I give almost no content to that. So don't follow me. Unfollow me if you do. Yeah. And what's Leah up to other than past my bedtime?

She wrote on the new pitch perfect spinoff bumper in Berlin that premieres in this week or next on Peacock. Yeah, that looks good. Check that out. All right, with a friend with the show Adam Devine. Exactly, yeah. All right, fantastic. Dr. Footman, what do you want to plug? I'll plug the first two seasons of righteous gemstones.

Just the first two? Do you think the third's going to be bad? No, it just hasn't come out yet, and it won't be out by the time this podcast comes out. I mean, look for it, I guess. But people are listening to this in the future when the third season is probably going to be out. And you don't want people to watch it then. Right. So let's say you have a friend of a friend and you're discovering the podcast.

You start from the beginning. So maybe sometime in 2027, you're listening to this episode. Yeah. Stream all the seasons of Friends. All of them. Okay. Not just the first two. No, no, no, no.

All the seasons. Yeah. And so also stream, Hey Randy on the CBB World Patreon. Hmm. Give me Randy Snuts. Give me his scandalous, devious girlfriend, Carissa. Also, his best friend, Stu and Amber. You can't forget them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me all those perfection, especially at a live show. We loved it. You want to do more of those? What's that? You want to listen to more of this? Threatening. It's not a threat.

Okay. All right. Do you? No, I'm genuine. Never mind. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to listen to more of that?

Would it be fun for them to do more shows, I wonder? That's a hypothetical. I've had a lot of people ask me about that and say, DMs that say something like, you know, show me your body, more, hey, Randy, live. You're getting these. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, interesting. Because they know you're his doctor?

Well, I'm subscribed to the Patreon. Oh, okay. So, oh, I didn't realize that was a feature when you're at CBB World. You can just send random. DMs to everyone. It's going down in those DMs. Oh, okay, yeah. Well, fantastic.

Kayla, what do you want to plug? Okay. Well, I would love to plug all the Ford Rock Hard trucks. I would like to plug. Even just the 100 model? Even the 100. I would give it up. Really?

I don't know. I would give it up. Okay. Literally for Ford Rock Hard 150. I would like to plug the movie spirited coming out. There's a really good little girl in it. How are her feet?

A brief amount of time. Stunning feet, the horniest feet you can think of. And then the CVV presents podcast. This book changed my life. The Stitcher podcast going deep. And also the very easy social media handle at L.A. Oh, my, bye, blah, blah, blah. Scott, I forgot.

I should plug one more thing. Sure. Obviously, the website, WikiFeed. Okay, sure. Inspired by Julian Assange. Information should be free, et cetera. And speaking of Peacock Bumper in Berlin, starring Adam Devine,

also shrink on peacock. Oh, that's right. Yes, people can see shrink now, which it just got put up in the last couple of months. So that's wonderful. Okay, let's close up the old plug bag. hand put it up take the other put it down you're gonna make a box it's time to start to close it

but don't close it too much or you open up the plug bag we're open oh boy that was don't fear the plug bag by duncan meek i also call that quit while you're ahead um guys i want to thank you so much. Max, always great to see you. Please promise you'll come back in approximately 12 months or so. We can talk about this set again. You did? Kayla, wonderful to have you. So

good to have you here as well. Missed you. It's wonderful to have you on the show. And Dr. Footman, what else can we say? Hashtag feet. Absolutely. We have to say that. I'll see you soon either in my office or at your house. Okay, you come to me

now. If I'm going to keep coming to you, And keeping you on as my doctor, I want you to come to me. That's the only way. I promise I'll say nicer things about your feet. Okay, you will? That's really all I'm looking for. Yeah, yeah. Because there's, I mean, they're gross, but I mean, there's nothing wrong with them.

I just go in there for compliments. I didn't know that. Yeah. Will you give them to me? Yes. Okay. Thank you. What a beautiful little possum.

I love how it squeaks. Do you have any more money in there before we go? Yeah, here we go. me take off my socks. Oh, here's a few 20s. Oh, my God. There's a five.

Here's some nickels. Oh, my God. Scott's literally shitting his pants. I shit, my pants looking at all this money. He loves it. Oh, my God. Well, let's make sure he did. Take off those pants.

All right. We'll do. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.