Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Jake Johnson, Paul F. Tompkins, Lily Sullivan (I Love Lily)

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

This week's Bonus Bang is the fifth in our "I Love Lily" series. Originally titled "So New York" this episode features the first appearance of Tony Sony. Actor and filmmaker Jake Johnson joins Scott to talk about his new film "Self Reliance" on Hulu, his podcast "We’re Here to Help", and "Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse". Then, singer-songwriter Alimony Tony returns to talk about his most recent divorce over the holidays. Plus, writer Bridget Jones returns to share brand new entries from her diary. (Originally released as episode #845 on 1/14/2024) Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

Hey, everyone. Scott Ackerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re-releasing great episodes of comedy bang bang, bang from behind the paywall. And this week we are, of course, still in the middle of our wonderful series, I Love Lily, featuring Lily Sullivan, comedian Lily Sullivan, of course, from such television programs as the righteous gemstones and deli boys. Now, this is an episode called So New York, one of our classic episodes. This was originally released January 14, 2024 as episode 845. This features Jake Johnson, of course, from The New Girl, Paul F. Tompkins as Alamone Toney and Lily Sullivan as a myriad of characters, including the introduction of Tony Soni, a classic character, a CC.

This was the first appearance of Tony Sony, and Tony, you'll hear all about Tony Sony, and you'll hear sort of how it was an accident that Lily didn't plan to do Tony Sony, and you'll hear the evolution of Tony's voice as well over this episode. So if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang,

become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, ad-free old episodes. And, of course, we have original shows like CBB Presents, Scott hasn't seen, College Town, Neighborhood, List, and so much going on over there.

We're going to be back Monday with the new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy bang, bang, comedy, bang, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang,

comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, Comedy bang, bang, man. Comedy bag, bang, bye. Comedy bag, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bag, bye. O'Reilly Auto parts, better parts, better pizza, Papa Johns.

Welcome to Comedy Bang, bang. Thank you to Stink McGrable for that catchphrase submission. I don't think that's going to keep, just because it mentions two different. different businesses other than comedy bang bang but thanks for the suggestion uh stink mcgrable thank you so much and welcome to comedy bang bang for another edition 2024 that's right january we're so deep i believe it's the ides of january currently and uh we have a great show coming up a little later we have a singer songwriter we also have a writer so a very arts focused podcast today but uh coming up

first that's right stars are back we settled it with sag we won we're reaping the riches right now and the stars are able to come back on this podcast and there are none brighter than this one uh i don't believe he's ever been on the show before he's he's uh joining the incredible one-timers club here on comedy bang bang he was on the television show wonderful episode of the television show that's right where he was upside down the entire episode that's right um You know him from such shows as the new girl and everything else that he's done. And he has a wonderful new movie out on Hulu now called Self-Reliance, which he wrote, directed, stars, produces, stars in produces, rather. Please welcome to the show, Jake Johnson. Hello.

Hello. I was going to say, I felt like I had done it. And then you reminded me it was the TV one. I don't, I feel like the upside down. Let me, let me check because I don't know. I, you know. I, you know, anything passed maybe four years or so ago, I have no idea, but, um, but I think, I think you're right. It was the TV. I had forgotten that. By the way, you need to get real close on these mics. You could, you, how's that? Yeah, oh, perfect. I love it. Uh, yeah, I'm not seeing anything other than the television show. And that bit was, uh, it was Adam Scott, too, I think. Was he in it? I don't remember. I remember we were, it was, my hair was up. Yes. The, the premise of that episode was, was. slow joey played by haley joel osment uh who was our played our dumb intern he uh we were we were getting a new set and he sent the blueprints off uh for it to be built but he uh had turned them upside down right and so the set was upside down so he had to film upside down and turn the cameras upside down so we did a whole episode where our hair was was spray uh sprayed uh hair sprayed up over our heads um yes anyway you were such a great sport to do that. That was fun.

Yeah, it was very fun. I hope I made up that Adam Scott had his hair upside down too. I don't remember. Now that I hear this, I don't think he would have been there. I don't. He was in so many episodes,

so maybe he did a cameo on that one. I don't really know. But it's great to have you on the podcast proper. Thank you for having me. And did actors stop doing this during this strike? Oh, yeah. We had so many podcast hosts, so many authors.

Oh, my God. Asters were saying no to a podcast. Can you imagine? Yeah. They're like, I can't. I don't want to, I don't want to. I don't want to go against the strike by not doing something that we're striking against. Right, exactly.

You can still go to restaurants, grocery stores, do podcasts. I think, no, I remember that one email from Fran Dresher. She was like, don't go to restaurants. Don't leave your house. We don't want to make sure we don't. We are, I remember the Halloween one for sure. Yes, everyone remembers the Halloween one. Halloween was a great turning point.

Was it settled by Halloween just so everyone could dress up and I believe it was. Yes. Well, I think that came out. there was a backlash and then everybody stopped talking about it yeah well uh it's wonderful to have the stars back i love the fact that we're able we're able to promote movies now instead of these stupid fucking books here here because movies are where it's at right have you ever written a book no no no no why would you no why would i yeah yeah no pass on doing that but it is nice it was it's has been a tricky one because this was supposed to release in september really and then

with the strike they kept pushing it and And so they would at first say, Yeah, they would go, it's going to be maybe October, maybe November. And then they said, if it doesn't end, we have to release it without any press. Oh, no. And I thought like, so truly nobody will watch. You know, you never know who watches streaming as is. But without press, I was like, oh, wow, we really might have made this movie for no one.

Were you excited then to get to one of the first calls to do press was for Comedy Bang, Bang, the podcast? Yes. I would say all press has changed so dramatically that this is all press now. Yes. And if you're a star out there, what's the difference? Make comedy bang bang, bang, your first stop. Why not? Would love to have you.

Yes, thank you. You know, plenty of fucking people listen to this show. Hell yes. More than watch some dumb movie on Hulu, right? Hey, no. Okay, sorry. Okay, hold up. Killing the wrong bird, my man.

Oh, whoa, hold on. Let's talk about the movie. Self-reliance. I've seen it, of course. That's right. I don't like to brag. but I watched it as you the filmmaker intended on a Hulu link

with my email address prominently displayed the entire movie. But it's a fascinating film. You wrote and directed and star in it and produced the movie. Tell me everything about it even though I personally know, but tell our listeners. So the movie's about a guy

who gets a unique opportunity to go on a dark web game where he's got 30 days to survive while people are trying to hunt him. And if he does it, he gets a million dollars. and the opportunity comes and he thinks he hears the pitch and he thinks there's a loophole in the game and that is the hunters cannot kill him if he's with people that's right because out of safety for the rest of the world they don't want to ever kill anyway because you bring up at a certain

point like I don't want I don't want my mother to be shot or anybody like if you're with somebody I don't want to be playing some stupid game and put other people at risk right so they say as long as you're with people you cannot be killed so Tommy my character believes oh I can lean in. He's going through a lonely period and he thinks I could lean into my relationship with my mother and my sisters and be home and then we can divide up the money. But this is a very easy win. Now, it might be an awkward 30 days, but it's a million bucks. And the problem comes when he tells his family they don't believe he's actually playing. Yes. So the, it sounds like such a crazy situation, uh, not to spoil anything, but, uh, our good friend, Andy Sandberg is in the movie.

Yes. Uh, playing himself. Yes. And, he ties into it. It just sounds like such a... They believe he's making this up for attention. Right. And he has such a bad life leading up to this. Yes. That it's not too far of a stretch for them to assume that you've gone off the deep end of the...

And this is just a sad way of saying, I want you guys to have sleepovers with me for 30 days, as opposed to saying, I'm fighting a lonely period. I want to be with you. Right. They think that he's saying, I'm in a bit of a rot. And now because of this dark web game with a guy I'm a big fan of Andy Sam, you need to be with me. Right.

So they don't believe him. And then that starts the movie. And the movie is basically about can he survive it and is the game real? That's right. And it kind of reminded me of that wonderful David Fincher movie, The Game. Now we're talking. Well, a lot of people say about my stuff, it's me and Finch. That's right.

You and the Finch man. So Finch and I, you know, he's a great guy. We went back and forth on this a lot. Really? Oh, yeah. Sessions. Yeah, absolutely. Well, he loves the movie.

Does he really? He loves everything I've ever done. He likes this podcast. Oh, no. He's got to come on. Oh, he's busy. Oh, he's busy. I understand that.

They're on strike. Doing way too many takes. Yeah, yeah. Look, if he didn't do 150 takes of every scene, he could do this show easy. He's currently doing a take. But as soon as he's done on the next run of takes, he's in. I love it. I love to hear that.

But it also had, you know, the most dangerous game, of course. And what were some of the other influences? Well, the influences for me were Japanese reality shows where there was a network that I'm not going to try to pronounce, but they were really pushing it in the early 2000s of what they could get away with on reality TV. One of them, the one that really struck me that I thought was incredible was they took a comedian who

won out of 100 people and was selected but he did not know what he was doing. He gets a new apartment where there's cameras everywhere. They take off all his clothes and then they leave him alone and the only way he can eat or get clothes or do anything is he has to win contest

that he gets from newspapers and radio shows. and it's a real thing. And so, but they, they push it over there. So he needs to get food. He needs to get rice. Right. Then he wins rice, but he doesn't know how to cook it.

So then he's got to win, you know. The instructions. Yeah. And also like, the cookware. The cookware. Yeah. And he goes crazy. There's a great documentary, but in a real way because he, you know, at first, it's

really funny. I'm on TV. I'm a comedian. This is good for my career. And then it goes to like, I'm fucking starving. And this isn't a joke. And the crazier he gets, the funny it is for the audience. And honestly, the funnier it was for me.

So you watched the entire thing. You didn't just hear about the premise. No, so I had seen this years ago. And I remember it was like, you know, back in the day when like Mr. show was bootlegged around. And you remember, like, there was like different clips of stuff that you could see. This was one of that, that a friend had got pieces of. Oh, wow.

And the darker it got, the more I liked it. And then I didn't think about the fact this is a human being. suffering. I just thought like, yeah, dude, he can't cook. And he's dying. And so that idea. And then I love reality shows, and I love the reality shows how it keeps pushing. I love shows like alone. The MTV, The Challenge is a show I used to really love because they would give these guys so much alcohol and cocaine. And their behavior would get insane. Right. And when somebody would have like a steroid cocaine attack and attack people, it made great television. So one thing I was reading was that you wrote this when COVID lockdowns were happening.

Did that tie into it at all? The loneliness part of it. So it started before. I wrote this during the New Girl or New Girl. Oh, wait. What was your show called? Well, honestly God, everybody says the and now I don't know 100%. But I think it's just New Girl.

I don't know. Should we look it up or should we just let it lie? All right. Let's look it up. What do you say? I feel like it's the New Girl. What is the new girl? I just don't know if they put the...

It's new girl. It's new girl. Okay, yes. It's new girl. So it is the new girl, but I think for the posters taking away the looked better. I see.

Yeah, but it's all about those posters. Those posters launched our show. It did. Remember when shows got posters? Yes. Oh my God. Remember when shows launched?

Oh, right? Remember when people watched that? Yeah. As a group. Remember back in the day when you would go driving around suddenly one day there'd be, you'd look around,

there'd be everywhere you look, there'd be a poster for a particular movie. And it would be about a month out. Yes. And they would be like, oh, the ballad of Ricky, Bobby Talladega. We all do it. And everyone would be like, okay, countdown is on.

Look, you know, honestly, I really miss the time that, you know, a show like New Girl, a lot of like the cool comedy people didn't like it. Some people liked it. A lot of the audience liked it. Who cares? I missed the time where we all had one thing to have opinions on. Yes. Now people will be like, like the comedy world, be like, dude, this is amazing.

And I'll go, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. I watch stuff and I've never heard of it. I'm like, we need one universal thing to like or not like as a group. I feel like it happens, but then it'll be over so quickly. I feel like I missed the week that everyone watched Tiger King. And I just. And then it's out. And then everyone just has already made every joke about it.

And then to go back feels like you watch something from 20 years ago. Yeah. So I was just like pass, you know. So you got to watch everything the week it comes out. And of course, we want to watch self-reliance this week. No, it's a good turn. That's a goddamn pro. That's why the stars are back.

The stars are back. This is why you come here first. But so I wrote it and I thought at the time because Netflix and all those places were new. And there was an era when they were new and we didn't know what they were going to be. So this was when the networks were still king and the streamer and I thought I could do a network show. And in the summer, I could do a limited series the way that you would do an indie movie. Right. I thought like, well, this started as a series.

So this was a three-season show. And I made the mistake. I had like a hundred page Bible. and my pitch was a good hour and a half and Jakey J gets manic when I get cooking and that pitch was like okay so okay so then see

okay season two episode four hold on okay I didn't mention this character so Ricky Ricky you remember Ricky and I just was gunning and sweaty on the back afterwards and when I was finished it was my novel and they passed they were working on the show Maniac at the time

and they said like it's too similar and that one's too far along and we're too excited about it. Maniac is the Jonah Hill and a Stonewood. Right, right, right. And again, I missed that one. Me too. Yeah.

But they thought that was going to be a big moment. And so then it. How wrong they were. Yeah. Neither of us watched it. Yeah, exactly. And so I let it die. I didn't want to pitch it anymore.

And then when the pandemic happens. So you're a quitter. Yeah. Okay, good to know. Who the fuck isn't? A bunch of fake people who pretend they're not. Good point. Yeah.

And so during the pandemic, I had had a pilot at Apple and I got a call saying there's a good chance the business will never be what it used to be. Pre-vaccines, they said it might be no crew. It might be, you know, you're doing singles on your own sending it in. And they said, but don't worry, the business is coming back. They'll still be work. And I thought like fucking pass. I don't want to do that. So I decided I like to work every day no matter what for sanity reasons.

Even on weekends, really. I like to put something in every day. Really, even on Sunday, the Lord's Day? Yeah. Really, that's an affront to the Lord. Well, yeah, I'm okay with it. You're okay with this, all right? I mean, as a half Jew, half Catholic,

I don't know which Lord would be mad at me. That's true, yeah. I think I'm fine. Old Testament, New Testament. Who knows? He's never been to a temple or a church. You think there will be a half heaven for people like you? Yeah, it's called Earth.

I'm in it, man. So you decide, at what point do you say like, okay, this has got to be a film? Well, I thought I'm not going to be able to sell a TV show like this again, but I could probably get a little bit of money. And if not, I've self-financed some small ones with my buddy Joe. And then during the pandemic, my friend Trent and I made one. And I was like, we can make a movie for $250,000 that can recoup and make some money. So I thought, no matter what, I'll make this movie.

And then Ali Bell got a draft of it and said, don't do this in your backyard. Let's make this for real. They came on board. She was the real animal behind it. Great. Yeah, love Allie. Ellie's a killer. Akiva, Andy agreed to come on and play that part.

Right. And now it's a real movie with like sets and lights and at one point I was like, I hear what they're saying. There must be microphones. I mean, we had a real budget. We had a movie. We shot it in 17 days. 17, really? Okay.

Anna Kendrick came on. Christopher Lloyd came on. We also have Mary Holland, who listeners of this show will know, definitely. I think she is, and I've, told it to her face a lot, but I think she's a Phil Hartman type. You say that to her face? Yeah. I say it behind her back. We're saying to be on her back right now, my man. That's true. I'm never

going to tell her to her face, though. She probably won't listen either. She's listening. To every podcast, everybody's doing. Of course. She's a fan. Well, it's a really fascinating movie. It kept me guessing all the way up till the end, and you know, and it's got

laughs, it's got action, and I mean, what more do you want from a movie you know i really enjoyed i think it's a really fun 90 minutes and i hope people check it out on hulu for free yeah for well i mean you got to pay for hulu i'd imagine unless you're like passing by one of those old tv stores that has it playing you're just those you're aging us you're aging i miss it when you can just walk by a tv store and then suddenly there's like a news item that pertains to your life especially when it was like over christmas and there's snow outside because you're in the midwest i love these days um

Well, it's out right now. I was instructed, when stars are back, that means they're publicists are also back. So I was instructed by your publicist to also bring up a couple of the things. You have a podcast called We Are Here to Help. Yes. Now, what exactly is this? So it's a podcast I do with my buddy, Gareth Reynolds, from the Dallop. And it's a call-in show where people kind of call in.

And we, the three of us, Gareth, myself, and then we have our friends, different guests, on to help, try to get involved in their life and figure out what the question is and try to help. And we've done a bunch of them at this point. And we've kind of had a lot of fun. And the zone that we've kind of found works best for us is the smaller the problem. The more insignificant but important to them, the more wheelhouse for our show. So I asked people to check it out. Okay. Yeah. And, you know, I had assumed when the Sack Strike was over that stars would give up on all their podcasts. But no, you're still doing yours.

I started mine. Yeah, remember when I said I always like to work on something? That's true. I'm not writing a spec script during a strike. You're also, I would hate to neglect to mention you also play the part of Peter B. Parker in the Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse movies. And I don't know if you had the experience. I mean, obviously you didn't because you're in it, but the experience that I had that a lot of the audience had,

I've brought this up to Brian Michael Bendis, of course, creator of Miles Morales, that I believe he should be tried at the Hague for what happened in that movie where it just stopped in the middle. And then was like, oh, by the way, yeah, just come to our other one. What do you think about that? I didn't have the same reaction as you. Really? No, I thought. Do you get paid for two movies?

Are they trying to give you this one of these, like, eh, we're just going to turn it into two, but you already recorded everything. You got paid for two. You got paid for two. All right. Yeah, they're two movies. They are two movies, although it really should be one four-hour or five-hour movie, shouldn't it? Well, then we're entering a really insane world. Well, I mean, I went to see Killers of the fucking Flower Moon.

They could have split that. Scorsese, you don't like the Marvel Universe? Split that one up. I don't want to spend five fucking hours in the middle of the day. You were genuinely annoyed when that one ended that it didn't wrap it up. Yeah, I was ready to start shit. I was ready for a January 6th movie edition. That's so funny.

No, so my experience is different because I record in the booth, but I don't get full scripts. Really? What do they give? Do they even give you the other side of the conversation or do you have to guess? Well, you read, I mean, you record with a lot of other actors. So we might, we'll do the entire scenes, but I don't know what the whole movie is. And so I did experience that essentially the way you did. And the first one, I didn't see anything until the movie was done.

Really? So the animation, I had no idea how. Were you surprised by how well it came together? Yes. I thought, I thought this was going to be. Well, I'd also done a bit in Smurfs, you know? So just for contrast. Well, when I saw that one, I thought like, looks like Smurfs.

Right. So it talks like Smurfs? I think they're Smurfs. I got to say. I think it's the movie, guys. So this could have been very similar. This could have been a Spider-Man movie where you introduce Miles Morales. And the animation, what they did, I was like, oh, I hadn't wrapped my head around what

you're doing. And for the second one, what they do in it. The animation in the second one is crazy. is crazy how sophisticated it is. And so I'm like, yeah, I mean, the stories that I couldn't sit there for five hours. I was like, you're in it and you couldn't sit there for five hours. I'll see the next one. I'm excited to.

So then every movie should, unless it's 90 minutes like, of course, self-reliance on Hulu currently, anything over 90, split it into two movies. No. No? But if your visuals are as stunning as Spider-Verse and you're over two hours, I'm okay to wait a little bit for the next month. Now, if I stop self-reliance after 45 minutes and do self-reliance too

and pay myself twice, I'm a king. That's a deal, Fran Drescher, I want to win for us. Fran, are you listening? Of course. You're listening. Take every sitcom, divided in two. 13-minute episodes. That's right. Although I was reading that I believe there's an article out there that takes the Irishman and tells you when you should what it feels like to watch the Irishman as a limited series.

Like, stop it here. Is that true? Yes. fun because who has fucking four hours to watch the Irishman one day you know what a funny way of doing it and then you stop take the night yeah think about it I've thought about this great there's nothing worse thing because I have the movie show that I do and just you assume a movie is going to be under two agreed and I like 90 90's good and then you start it and then you see that runtime of like two hours 45 minutes sometimes over three oh my I can't do three I'm a big Scorsese guy haven't seen the movie. I don't know when I am unless there's an article that tells me when

I could stop and I'm not being an asshole. I don't want to be disrespectful. No, but if you say like, hey, here's a natural stop. Natural progression. Four days when all of a sudden the whole family's asleep and I go, I'm not tired. I got an hour and a half. Exactly. I think, well, I, it's a good win. I think you can do that for Killers of the Flower movie. It spans so many years that it's like, once like an era ends. Yes, exactly. Slowly fade your TV. Movies used to have. It's to have like, you know, Ben Hur would have an intermission in the middle, you know? It's like, that's, anyway, but

Spider-Man across the Spider-verse, if you want to see the end of the story, you've got to pay for two movies. No, you have to pay for one. You've already seen the first half. Well, if you don't have to be, but I was told you want to promote this first one. Yes. Why, if it's been out for, I guess it's in the,

they tell me it's in the window, the home video window. Oh, that's for real. I'm supposed to promote this first one. Well, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm supposed to bring it up. Whoa. They, they promised me Spider-Man merch if I talk about it. And I said, well, I probably have all the merch, but I'll sell it on eBay. I don't know what I would promote for that besides the it's out. It's out. It's out

in home video now. But it's been on home video. I know, but I was told to talk about it. Oh. Take this up. Take this up with your people. So the movie's called. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry, who's it? Sorry, who's this? I'm Maribel and I'm Jake's publicist. I do. Sorry, Maribel. I, I didn't see you in the corner there. How long have you been there? Oh, I've been here for quite a while. She's always here.

Oh, I, thanks for coming. Of course. You know, I'm always looking out for you. I know. Thank you. The reason we're promoting it is to put it back

in people's minds for when the second half comes out. I see. Okay, so you want to remind everyone that it exists. It exists. Did Sony tell you that, Marabelle? Are you just going off the jack here?

Sony actually told me this was dumb. And I said, this is your call. Because you're my client Okay, never mind I'm sorry, thank you, yes And so what was the conversation with Sony? I said, I called

Okay, I called up Sony And I said, you called Sony Yes, she represents me I made a movie from a college studios all the time Also, by the way, thank you for calling Sony Of course I have a weekly call with them You do

Yes, who it's Sony Everybody But specifically Okay, it's Tony, it's Rob Tony Sony, Tony Sony, Tony's Tony, Tony, Tony, the whole Sony family I heard of my name What are you doing here?

Well, I thought I'd come by. I just want to make sure you know, you were doing a good job. What an honor. Thank you, thank you for me. Okay, well, you know what? I'm glad you're here, Tony. Yeah. Because let's settle this right now.

And you guys be the judge. Well, you can't. Scott, you have to be the judge. I'll be judge. You're impartial. Well, don't be an executioner. I'm not impartial. I like that.

I like that. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. All right. So, um, is it as Tony says, dumb to promote a movie. a movie that's been out for years. I don't know that it's been out for years.

How long has it been out? It's been out for what? Almost a year. No, no. They said, no, no, Tony. Your movie, I would say, I think it was the summer. Nine months or so. Thank you.

It feels longer. In show business terms, that's years. Yeah, that's true. That's, by the way, it is. In actress terms. By the why. That's, you don't work anymore. Exactly.

Invisible. You're dead. You're done. You're dead. In six months. We agree on that. In six months, you're dead. It's six months you're dead, you're done, you cook.

So that's what I always say. Tony seems to be different. Now, you seem to be a publicist, too, Tony. Maribel, can I say you have the deepest voice and Tony, you have the highest voice. And also, Tony feels like a manager in New York in the early 80s. You're done, honey. You got nothing, kiddo. Hey, get the hell out of you.

You can't dance. You can't sing. You got nothing, Big Nose. Tony, how did you start in this business? Well, you know, I worked my way up at the pizza place. Wait, Sony started as a pizza place Sony was originally a pizzeria. I started making the dough, making the pies.

Get the hell out of here. It was so New York. It was the so New York. Oh, so New York, Sony. Yes. I understand. So what's the deal with the New York pizza? Is it the water?

It is the water. It is the water. We piss in the water. You're pissing the water in New York? That's how we do it in these stuff. What era was this when you were making these pizzas pre-Soney's Beautiful, 82. Oh,

beautiful, 82. I didn't, I thought Sony was like one of our oldest studios. I thought so. It actually started as a pizza place in the 80s. Oh, wait, you're talking about the movie studio. Wait, are you not part? Oh, you're talking about a movie. I don't call, I don't call the movie studio on a weekly basis.

That's insane. Wait, you just call this pizza place So New York every week? Yeah. Why? To talk to my friend Tony Sony. Yeah, yeah. And represent me, and I appreciate you. You're welcome, of course.

Is Maribel just mispronancing your name? Is your name Tony So New York? yeah but we're friends forget about it there's your proof Tony's New York true New York all right I will forget about it

don't forget to mention New Girl okay so New Girl is on Hulu right now is it on Hulu right now Hey I'm sorry it's the new girl Thank you Tony Tony we have oh my God why you're gonna rip that old wound open again

Hey don't give me going okay I don't want to hit a woman Hey. Wait, so Tony hits you, Maribel? Tony has fainted at me, F-E-I, several times, and I've done it to him. Hey, it's just fun. I just play. He's a playful guy.

Yeah. He's a playfully threatening guy. Yeah, you seem very fun. Will you hang up? Oh, wait, no, you're here. Isn't that fun? I'm going to go away. All right, yeah, I'm going to go make some pies out on the assholes.

So, Tony, you have nothing to do with your business? No, no, I just work. It's just pizza. Yeah, it's just pizza. So why did you come today? Tony has written a script. Oh, you love it. Tony has written a script.

My gumas, she comes, she eats pizza. Okay, okay. He wants me to go, I'll get out of here. I want you to go, I'm going to settle this argument. It is dumb. I think it is dumb to talk about this spider first. Wow. Okay.

Are you sure you want to continue doing this show? Yeah, I'm having a nice time. Do you think I should or what are you like? No, no, I defer to you. Jake, this is what you want to do. No, no, no, no, no, you're the man. If it were me? You're the puppeteer. I'm the puppet. Now that's, I wish that were true, but it's not. Tell me your top three clients that you told me when you sold to me about I should be given you the $45,000 a month. Who do you got and who have you made big stars? That's almost an Apple TV plus subscription. Who do we got? Who are the kids? Brad Garrett. Oh, man. I know someone by the way who loves Brad Garrett. Who? America. America, but a certain man named Fred Guinness. We talked to him last year about it. I don't care. Okay. Number two, Cindy Lauper. Cindy Lopper is number two.

What is what is going on with Cindy these days? Everything you've seen. She's singing. She's very popular. Oh, okay, sure. I haven't seen either. I haven't seen either.

You've seen either or commercials? I haven't seen singing or commercials. You've got to check out. You've seen Brad's commercials, though, yeah. I, no, I, what are. Jimmy Johns, Jimmy John's got the box. He does Jimmy John. Yeah, he does Jimmy John's.

Yeah. Yeah. He just got cast in something, I believe. I texted that to my friend. Yes. Brad was very mad about the strike. And were you okay with some of his comments? That was a nightmare for me.

He got hot. He got a nightmare for me. It was a deal upcoming to be put into the show. He didn't. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a lot of unwanted attention because my third big client, of course, is Kevin Spacey. And I am trying to bring him back. He gets a bad rap. Maybe we should use the word rap.

Yeah. Anyway. Sorry. Because of his rap career? Yeah, let's say that. So what were we talking about? I have to get out of here. To be honest, Beirabelle, I don't know.

Goodbye. I think you need Kevin Spacey. Come on, Tyler. I'm going to go to my gumma. I got to take care of my gumma. All right. Take care of your gumma. I'm sorry about that, Jay.

Although they're your people. No, I should say, I'm sorry about bringing my trash into your house. But I'm a man's trash is someone's straight. I will say she really is the best publicist in time. She really is. She really set me back on my heels. Yeah, what she has done for. Indy for Brad.

I mean, she's driven. Well, Kevin. You hear about him, right? Kevin's back. Any PR is good PR. I heard that she was the person who said, hey, you should do those videos every year around Christmas. Were you doing the accent? Okay, well, look, Spider-Man across the Spider-Verse.

I don't think we need to say anything more about it, but it's out there. A sequel is coming, although we don't know when. Do you know when? I don't know when. You don't know when. You're not the first person they call. No. Maribel?

New girl. New girl. Okay, new girl on Hulu. We're here to help. Are the episodes out? This is what I'm confused with. We've done a bunch of episodes. We've done about 30.

We're over at HeadGum. We're having a lot of fun. Okay. And then self-reliance. People can watch it now. It's a really fascinating film. Very funny and very touching. And, you know, if you're watching every single Anna Kendrick movie, this one's got to go on the list.

So you got to check it off. And Mary Holland, such a great cast. We need to take a break. When we come back, we have a singer-songwriter. Have you ever sung a song or written one? No. Neither of those things, not even at karaoke. No.

You've never written a song with karaoke? I've never written for karaoke, no. I would love, that's a job I want to have, writing for karaoke. We also have a writer coming up. This is a pack show, Jake. I'm so glad you're here. Yeah, me too.

We're going to come right back. We'll have more from Jake Johnson. We'll have more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang! We're back. Jake Johnson is here. The titular Spider-Man.

Are you the titular Spider-Man, or do you consider Miles Morales? Because you're one of the Spider-Men. Yeah. Do you consider Miles Morales to be the titular Spider-Man? Or can you say, like, I play the title character in Spider-Man across? No, I don't think Peter B. Parker is the title character, but I like... But you are Spider-Man.

I'm one of the Spider-Men. Technically, you could say that. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. You play Spider-Man. Is that straight? Okay, who's played Spider-Man on film? You have Toby McGuire.

Yeah. You have Andrew Gar-Gar. Which, by the way, our friend Neil Campbell once said that if you would have told him as a kid that he would read the headline saying Garfield plays Spider-Man, he would have been so excited. So you're a big Spider-Man guy. Who is your favorite live-action Spider-Ber? I enjoy the current movies probably the best. Tom Holland. Yes, I do.

I think those are the best representation of the character. They have the feel of it, I think. Although I love that first one to Toby McGuire. And who's the worst? Oh, so Andrew Garfield's the worst. Those movies are perhaps not my cup of tea. You're not in love with us. What about that lizard?

Oh, hey. This is Maribel, by the way. This is our next guest. No, this isn't Maribel. No. Scott, I hope you don't buy my job again. No, I'm sorry. I heard you talk about the Spiderverse.

I got very excited. Yeah, we do need to get to our next guest, Jake. I don't know who this is, yeah. Yeah, he's the singer-songwriter I was telling you about it. Well, that's ridiculous. I mean, I didn't want to introduce you and call you your actual job. Right. You don't have one.

That's true. I'm a dependally wealthy. you're independently so I don't know how to describe you other than a divorcee well you know what if the shoe fits yeah it does and it's fits so many times uh please welcome with the show back to the show alimony tony Hello, Scott. Hello, Jake. Nice for me. Great to meet you, too, Tom. My name is Tony Jaccaroni, better known as Alamori, Tony. Big fan, Tony. Thank, oh, thank you very much. Of my song parodies? Yes. Really? That's so interesting because Fred Guinness was on the show recently and was saying that... The records guy. He's also a song paratist. I don't know if you know this. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about the Brad Garrett guy? He loves Brad Garrett and he happens to be a song parrits, not a song Garrett. But he also is, he runs a the Guinness Book of World Records. Oh. And that's his main gig. But he was telling me, he was, he was throwing shade at you.

Wow. He was saying that your videos only have one view and that's your own view. That is true. And you won't even watch a second time to get a second view. That is, because I can't, I can't stand that. Your voice? No, the embarrassment of adding another view and it's me again. Right.

Do you know what I mean? But no one knows this. I do it. Okay. All right. It's a private little. hell, but it's mine. So, Jake, how would you even know about Alamone, Tony's song

parodies? Word on the streets. Oh, word on the street. So I listened to a bootleg of it. Similar to the Japanese shows. I just remember being in a van. I was younger, very stone. And someone said, this guy's the best. I think it was a cassette. Oh, wow. My street team is working. Yeah. It was great. But so I wouldn't have registered on any clicks or anything. This was pre-internet, I feel. Yes, that's how I started. And I've decided to bring that back. And I've got a team of kids

going out there and they're distributing cassettes and they are of course spray petting stencils on the sidewalk we're nemoia on the word showy okay wow

so the word's getting out the word is getting the word is getting the word is spreading don't you? I mean I know who you are you've been on the show several times

but I don't know that I've seen evidence of course my first appearance of course was very funny but primarily

primarily what you're known for for those of you who are new listeners to comedy bang bang you've been on the show many times but primarily You're primarily you're known for being a person who has gotten married and divorced multiple times.

Yes. How many times are we up to now? Well, since the last time we've seen each other, Scott. It's probably the early 60s. You're in your, wow, your early 60s. Yeah. Try to get that up to 69. What do you say by then?

Well, I hope that doesn't happen. I mean, you know, the thing is, yes. Of course, I always marry for love. I always think it's going to work out. I always give it by all, but it just doesn't work out sometimes. It doesn't. But the one thing about you is the one silver lining on this cloud is you love paying out. I love paying alimony.

Oh, it gives me such a rush. Now, again, I do not get married just so I can get divorced to pay alimony. I marry for love, but I do love paying alimony. Oh, I love writing those checks. Wow. So now you're paying, I don't know that you're paying over 60 people alimony because, of course, some get remarried, some pass away. I still send them the alimony, though. to their gravesite

in lieu of flowers to the survivors to the survivors oh yeah to the survivors really you're not legally obligated to do this no I'm not but I just

well I'd love paying alimony but also I of course I've remained on friendly terms with every single ex-wife that I've had that's right they love him that's nice yeah it is

some refuse the alimony they don't want it they say Tony it just didn't work out no hard feelings nobody's at fault here but I still sent them the check and sometimes I sit it back Sometimes it's sitting back ripped up.

Wow. Sometimes it's sending back with like a funny little message on it. Like, nice try. Things like that. Any kids? Yeah. Do you have kids? No, no kids.

I am, as they say, Barron. Oh, you. Yes. I'm so sorry. I don't know if that's come up. I have it. I don't think it has. I have what it's called no motility.

Oh, really? So everything's dead in there. It's just dead. So they're all in there. They're all in there floating around. So. So. Can you expel them?

well I mean yes I mean there is there is a way to do that I don't know how far you got in school I just want to make sure that these aren't like a sperm's that are multiple decades old I'm kind of with you Scott it seems like they might just be living in there

no I've had sex okay good good with all the women with all the women number one what happened there was one who was asexual I married an asexual lady oh and did you know that going in I did know that going in and I said well make it work well we didn't make it work

because then she started wanting sex, but not for me. How long did that one last? That one lasted five weeks. I think we'd still be together today, but she got struck by lightning and completely changed her personality. Really? Yes. Did we talk about this in a previous episode? I don't think so.

Oh, okay. I think you would remember Scott, no? I'm remembering some sort of struck by lightning person, but I don't remember. Remembering some sort of struck by lightning person? It's been almost 15 years at this point. How many years? It's fun to do that. Who's the, do you mind if I ask who the love of your life is?

Are you currently married or are you current, I know you're, oh yeah, I am currently divorced. I'm so sorry. It just was finalized yesterday, so I'm going to be probably, you know, alone for a little while. I'm so, so sorry. Who is this person? Her name was Gretchen.

Gretchen. And we met in an airport lounge. Oh, really? Yes. Okay. A private lounge or was it? Extremely private lounge. How private are we talking?

it's not visible to people in the airport. Oh, okay. Yeah, you have to know where to look. Oh, all right. And was it how many people were in this if it was that private? There was three of us. Just three of you. Yes, me, Gretchen and Captain Salis Oliver, a hero of Hudson.

I've had him on this show. He saved so many souls that one day. So many souls. But you know, most of the people, they don't talk about this because it kind of is a black eye on the story, but most of the people that he saved, they lost their feet to frostbite. What? Yes. Is it being in the Hudson,

You ever standing on the place? It was an extraordinarily cold winter. They had to stand on that wig in the water, you know. No. And they lost their feet of frostbite. I'd rather die. Same. Yeah.

100%. Yeah. I curse the plane. I curse that pilot. You took away my feet, Jack. You took away my feet. That didn't come up in the movie in the Tom Hanks movie. Or it was cut out.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. Yeah. They made an illusion to it of the movie fight with Denzel Washington. Or it's going to be in part two. That's right. I hope so. That you're going to be very mad.

about. Well, I remember when Sully ended, I was like, what? Same. Now? The last time I had that feeling was when I went to see The Hobbit and did not realize that was a trilogy. And when that movie ended I was, surprise, and angry. What is the deal? Sully and Oppenheimer,

they're both like, hey, here's the interesting part of their life. Here's another hour about, like, a random thing that happened in that. What's going on here? I feel the same way about Castaway. Do you really? Caught out the beginning of the end. Yeah, I mean, I'm interested in the dude and his volleyball, his relationship with that. That's what people care about the dude of the volleyball. Yeah, exactly. I don't need to see him going back to Helen Hunt and then getting closure and then, like, standing in the middle of the road.

They serve the seafood buffet. Yeah. Spoilers for the last scene of Castaway. What those people be that dumb, do you think? This guy's been stranded on an island for multiple years. We'll have a big crab feast for him. I don't think they'd be that stupid. maybe like it would be it would be in real life it would be all McDonald's that's what it would be

yeah it would be like what every fast food place you could think of like Donald Trump should have catered it it would be in very branded content yeah absolutely Donald Trump by the way should just get into catering he really he's good at it he really sure I don't know I don't understand this guy anyway uh so what so richard Gretchen I'm so sorry so you got together at the airport lounge yes on Christmas Eve on Christmas Eve how romantic so this is is just recent. It felt like a romantic comedy.

Was anything funny happening? Oh, I guess not. So it just, but it felt like a romance. It felt like the romance part of the romantic comedy, which is not funny. No, no,

but the best part of a rom-com, I would say. What is the most laugh-out-loud romantic comedy, what you say? Where you're just, you're busting a gut. Bust in a gut. I don't know,

Jake, you've been in your share of rom-coms, haven't you? You've been a rom-com with share? I have a bunch of them. This is exciting. We've been in a trilogy. We're filming the third one right now.

Really? Yeah, it's been really fun. She's a good kisser? Yeah, she's wonderful. A Rob-Pom trilogy. Yeah, she's a great actor. She's been a lot of fun. Absolutely.

She's got a wonderful voice. I don't know if you know that, but she's a singer song ring. She's a singer as well. She dances and her fashion is through the world. I'd really beautiful stuff. It's going to be on Hulu, too. God, I wish you could meet Cher because then. I'd love to meet her.

Guys, guys. Shares in my car. She's in your car? That sounds wrong. It does. She doesn't have a car. Are the windows down? No, I've got a test. I got the air of the dog thing.

Hot enough to fry the sidewalk? How did it have to fry shares break? She is here, though. Can you? Do you want me to text if she can come in? I don't care. I can ask her. I'm nervous. You don't tell share nothing.

You don't tell share things. You ask her if she doesn't say this. If you're going to come in for the marriage, go slow, she's been hurt. Sure. She believes in love. She believes. in love, but you got to go slow. That's right. Yeah. She could turn back time. Remember her on the boat? Well, with the big, uh, she, she famously said if I could turn back time.

Not I can turn back time. I believe I said if, but, uh, yes. Well, you didn't. I do know. I believe she could turn back time. No, guys, guys, guys, the original version is I can turn back time. Oh, wow. I know that I talked to share about it. You would know. Is her ragging about her? No, there was her version and it was an executive thing. We all hate executives. They said, if you say, ah, you're going to alienate the audience. It has to be in. Don't say that. Don't say that. Who is that? Maribel. This is Alamoine, Tony. Hello. Hello, dear. How are you? Are you single? Why is she staring at me? Why isn't she talking to you? I don't know. She's just staring at me. Hey, I'm sorry. Tony. Hey, guys. Tony, you know Tony? I don't Tony. Tony, you know Tony. I don't

Tony, Tony. Tony, Tony. How you doing? We have the same good my. Oh, Tony. A share is a yes. She's coming in? She's excited. She's a big fan. Tony, I think you better leave. Not you, Tony. Me, I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to go, Mike.

Yeah, getting too crowded. I'm going to be chair. So I do need to just say this about Share really quickly to you as the guy ran an interview. No questions about her past. Nothing about the wardrobe. Everything has to be very positive. Nothing about the past. What about the present?

Can we talk about the present? I wouldn't talk too much about the present. Future? Potentially a little bit about the future. She likes things. If possible, sing-songy. Sing-songy. Okay, we'll...

If you know, but I don't want to... Oh, my word. Hello, Cher. How are you, honey? Good to see it. Hello, Cher. Nice to have you here. Oh, I love when people sing.

Does he have to continue or can he talk regular? Because he's showing such respect. Oh, you can talk regular, sure. Oh, share. Thank you so much. It's such a pleasure. It's so hot in the car. I'm sorry.

Oh, I thought I turned the dog thing on. Oh, it's too hot. You're so sweaty. I'm so sweaty. wet. And you look beautiful. Share, may I say hello? My name is Tony Jacaroni. I'm a huge fan of yours. Oh, hello. It's just

a thrill to meet you. That's nice. And are you, I hope this is too forward a question. Are you currently single, Cher? I am, yes. Well, on TV, of course. Well, she's a little movie. We're shooting a rom-com, and there's a lot

of rumors about on-site. Oh, sure. What's happening, yeah, there's a lot of, like, what's happening on set is going home with them. There's a lot of turmoil. And is it true or? We can't comment on that, but it's true. This is like, this is like, well, we can't comment. We can't comment on it, but it's definitely happening.

Well, it's like the Sydney-Sweeney Glenn Powell movie. Exactly. Yeah. Well, that's our competition. Because we're coming out this weekend, too. Oh, you are? Yeah, we're out. They've just dwarfed us a little bit.

Oh, okay. And you're also going to mimic that, that trailer. We're doing the same bit. Yeah, we are. Absolutely. I think everyone should. Well, we did. It just didn't catch on. We haven't. It just has like nine views. Oh, I see. But we do the bet. That's eight more than you have.

Get ready for number 10. Scott. It's not like you. I'm just stating facts. No, we are friends. We like each other. We like each other. Yes, we don't have a combative relationship. No, we don't. I mean, it's okay for you to Josh me. I shouldn't do so. Of course.

Well, let's go back to Cher here. Share. Oh, no. I'm going to go sit in the car. No, no, no, no. No, let me sit in the car some more. Have you sit in the car some more? Before you go, and I know we do this on set, and I know you love it. I love it so much. Will you give him a taste of your beautiful singing? Because when she does this on set, she's being shy.

But I know this woman. I'm so shy. When she gets pimped into a song, she acts like she doesn't love it. But then her voice is beautiful. Don't make me sing. Come on. Oh, I hate it. Don't make me sing.

Pretty please, chef. Oh. What's on what are you going to sing? Oh, one of my classics. If I could turn back time If I could turn back time Oh that's the share of voice I know so well Tony, do you sing?

I mean, I sing after a fashion Yeah, do one of your song parodies To if I could turn back time Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay So song parody of shares If I could turn back time Let's see, so it's about turning back time That's impossible to do

What is something funny about impossibility I'm going to say The Impossible Burger Hold on, hold on a little bit You're right by process This is incredible Cicinus. Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill

But then it comes back down It's not a possibly does it But then he has to do it again Okay what else is impossible Now a possible burger's in my brain I can't get it out of there I'm sorry that I put that in there I'm gonna have to go with it

But there's got to be something in there Impossible burger Okay okay Okay I'm gonna There's a possible burger Chirpecta Okay

If I can trip back to Right away Okay I'm kind of nervous Do you're If Maybe don't stop with the same word Maybe something rhymes with if

Like Tiff Scott, you're really getting at my brain Tiff, the Toronto International Film Festival Maybe it's a song about Tiff You eating an impossible burger at Tiff And it costs a dime.

Tif I could stand in line. He's doing it. Tiff I can get some food. I would get a false burger to watch the movie through. Oh, no. Share, I'm so sorry. Sure.

I've never done a song parody of someone's song while the person was here. This is impossible. It's all good. I thought it was fantastic. Thank you, Sherr. You liked that, Cher. Oh, I loved it. I loved every second.

I love when men sang to me. Can I ask you a question? Do you find Alamoni Tony attractive at all? Sure. Oh, yeah. Share. Sure. Tony, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure. I'm sorry, Sherer. Just take a break. It's all good. I'll go sit in the car. No, Jake, you can talk to Tony with me. here. Oh, okay. I thought you're going to have me go in a corner of Sherry. Don't go in a corner

with me. No, no, no, no, Jake's coming with me. No, come here. Over here, Jay. I don't know what they're. Over here. Okay, I'm going to go to me. Shearer. Shared, you got anything? I know. I got a, yeah, what do I got a mamba? I'll go with Scott. Hey, Tony. There's an exotic snake. Tony, Jake and I want to talk to you. What's up? Locker Room talk? Here we go.

Like, doesn't feel like locker room. Trapped by the pussy. Oh. Wow. No. I think you have a shot with Scher. I did to 100%. But aren't you having an affair with her? No, we're just doing it for PR. I think she likes you. I think she genuinely likes you. She likes me, likes me.

Yeah, here's the problem. Yeah. I think no court in this United States of America, the share is so wealthy. Agreed. I don't think any court in the United States is going to award her alimony should you ever break up. It actually does it. You don't understand.

They don't have a pot to piss in. Alamoni is not about the legal system. Alamoni is about me taking care of. I know, but here's what's going to happen. This is what I worry is going to happen. Right. You're going to just dive head first into a relationship with share. Fall in love.

You're already there. You're going to break up. And then the court will award you alimony and suddenly you'll be paid out. And Scott, it'll be so much. It'll cover all 60 other ones and more. Look, look, look, look. I appreciate the, I appreciate the gesture, gentlemen. But don't forget, I have more money than you could possibly

a bad job. Well, Alamone Tony is the inventor of what was... No, I didn't invent it. Oh, that's your mother. Yeah. What was it? She invented gase paper. Gash's paper. It's paper that turns into gas once you write on it. Yes. And what used to... It was for use of the space program. So they wouldn't have a bunch of paper floating around. Right. It was like directions of how to fly a rocket, right? And then once they launched it. I don't

think I ever said that. That seems... Hey, can I get a moment, Scott? We don't need this anymore. I would hope there's more trading than that. Once it's up in the air. It just can dissolve. Hey, Scott. You really tickled yourself. I know the share likes guys who made all their money from their mother's inventions.

Really? Yeah. Like, I know women, especially older women, and that's a turn-on. Ooh, there's a pop for every lid. Yeah. I was hoping that Scott just heard that, Tony. Oh, yeah. That's why I said, you were having a private.

That's why I did the Hey Whisper, Hey, Scott. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, we're still standing in a tight circle. I know, but I was hoping that he could relate it me. I couldn't help but here, and I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, I promise. Okay, I understand. Hey, Alamonte, Tony, Jake is really bugging me with this whole, like.

Oh, sorry, oh, wait, no, you're right here. You said, hey, Tony, I didn't listen. What did you say? Oh, okay. See, this is a polite guy. Yeah, I didn't hear a thing you said, my man. But I got a few things I want to pitch you about Tony. All right, Tony, you, I will, I guess Jake and I will give you our blessing if that's important to you.

Yeah. Thank you. That is what you asked. I will say that's how this whole thing started. Of course. All right. Share, share. Let me ask, let me ask officially.

Scott. Tony. You're Tony. No, you're Tony. This is Jake. No, I'm talking to Tony. Tony. Tony.

Tony, you know, what are you talking about? You guys want some pizzas? And Jake. Yes. It would mean the world to me if you would give me a blessing and asking share for her hand in marriage. Well, let's see. Should we give him her blessing?

I'll tell you what. Does this answer your question? We will. We will. Does it? I've heard all I need this. All right, thanks, guys. All right, here I go.

Share, share. I'm going to shoot my shop. And baby, I got you. I got you the best. What song is that? Oh, it's just a little thing I thought up a couple of years ago. A couple of years ago. Interesting.

Share. This is very sudden, but this is. I'm a, what? I'm going to stop you right there. Oh, boy. Uh-oh. I want to marry you. Sure.

I've had multiple marriages and orgasms in the last couple minutes there. I was just orgasming over and over in the corner. Okay. We need to get clean up in the corner, apparently. The corner's a mess. Okay. Ew. What about his cars?

No, I don't think she was orgasming in there. I don't know. Oh, no. The car's a mess. So it has nothing to do. with Tony, you're just organ to be like crazy. Hey, what can I say? I'm an artist. Okay. I come

and I go. Yeah. Okay. I want to marry you. Share? And then I want to divorce you. I want to, oh. And I want to pay you alimony. Oh, no. That's right. I knew this. That's exactly what I want. I knew this would happen. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I cannot accept your offer for my handed marriage if you're

going to pay me alimony. a mistake. Who's making a mistake? Sherry. Tony. Yes. For sure. You can't just say you're making a mistake and not be specific.

He passes. Could have been me. He's passing on fucking share. Are you a joke? Share money. This is share. She's coming like crazy, you dope. You say yes to this.

Jake, I'm coming again. That corner's a mess. Jake, believe me. You ran back to the corner and came really quickly and came back to the mic. I understand exactly what I'm doing. You do? Yes, I do. And it, I could not.

I've never. felt my heart this heavy share. I'm sorry, but I simply cannot compromise this one aspect of my character. I cannot accept alimony from anyone. I am the one who pays alimony. Wow. Well, I respect that.

I guess I'll just have to go with plan B then. What's plan B? Tony Soney. Hey! Oh my God, Tony Soney! Hey, yeah! You can be my Guma, my main Goula. No, I think she wants to

marry you, not be a guma. Yay, yay, okay. Mama Mia pizzeria. I'm in. Okay. Is that a curse? You're mentioning a different pizzeria? It's like taking the large name in vain or? It's one of my expressions.

Mama me a pizzeria. Okay. This is not a specific pizzeria. Sometimes he says, I'll be a papapia. Oh, okay. Baby go diarrhea, of course. Oh, what's that? Oh, that's the last part of that. Baby go diarrhea? Yes. You've never heard that,

I never have. That's like saying Jingle Bell's Batman smells and not hearing Robin laid the egg. What does that have to do with Christmas? You're a song parodist. This is news to me. Baby go diarrhea in your pizza pie. Okay. All right.

Tony, Sony. Tony's so New York. Cher, are you sure you want to marry Tony's son? Oh, I love him. Oh, come with me to Jake's car. Okay, yeah, come with you. What you love to do? She's sounding more like boring.

I'm okay Let me put my head in your car's own Okay oh god Hey Jake your car is gonna be a mess here Hey it's okay I mean I'm really excited Yeah And this is good PR for the movie I mean it's great for the trilogy

Yeah but Alamony Tony M's Oh there goes Sharon Tony Sony never to return Wow Wow But how would you know they're never going to return I'm assuming why would they have any reason Could that seem to point it

but alimony tony you're still here and i'm so sorry yeah i'm you know what scott i'm still here yeah and that's kind of how it is with love you know you go up you go down but eventually you're still here what a fuck up and yeah oh that's not sorry oh i honestly i honestly i'm trying to be nice i'm not even the tight circle anymore that's that's that's not the real me snuck up that's that is a fuck up my guy that is a big slip up well i understand why you see see it that way. But I respect it personally because Tony, I mean, you're you've stayed consistent to who you are

and that's maybe the most important thing. You're going to die without share money in your pocket. But I will die with my mother's money in my pocket. That's right. Yeah. Who are you giving your money? You've never had children. Who are you going to give your money to? Me? I'm going to give it to Jay Leno.

He hasn't touched that tonight show money. You refuse to touch the night show money. You must feel so sorry. I'm worried for him. Yeah. I understand. You just wanted to go. in that fun? Yeah. You like his portfolio growing? I just,

what I hear him say, he never touches us tonight. You like that. It fills me with anxiety. With pity. Yes. What's he going to do? Yeah.

Wow. Okay. That's a wild move from Leno. Well, look, very strange that he does it and then he keeps talking about it. Yeah.

At this point, I feel he must have dipped in, at least his toe into that. Probably. He does so much stand-up. He might not need to. Like when the PS5 came out, I bet he dipped.

Yeah. Oh, just to try to get. one of those. Yeah. On eBay? Yeah. Well, look, Tony, we have to take a break. Can you stick around? Of course I can. Okay. I've cleared the day for you, Scott. Oh, thank you so much. You don't need to do that much. Just maybe another half hour or so, but we have a writer coming up. And Jake, you can stick around, of course. We have a writer coming up. This is very exciting. We'll have more alimony, Tony. We'll have more Jake Johnson. We'll have more comedy bang, bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang. We are back. Jake Johnson, of course, self-reliance on Hulu. currently all people

need to do is I guess I guess the steps would be by a TV yeah find someone to hook it up for you unless you know how to put RCA cables together Geek Squad geek squad would be a very important part of this and then you can do it on your phone

you could do it on your phone really you'd prefer people watch this on your phone honest to God I don't care how people watch stuff anymore won't they miss the subtle nuances I think everyone will be fine we're in a views game here baby watch it on the phone do you think the geek squad is upset that they're called the geese squad can you imagine just getting hired for that gig and being like hey we need an expert to

help people set up their TVs and then like suddenly they're like hey guess what the geek squad is here I think they were fine until apple created genius bar right exactly I think before it's where geeks but they're geniuses those are fucking geeks too yeah I don't mind being the geek squad if they're also the but they're the genius bar you're the gig squad. I like when you make an appointment at the genius bar and no one knows that you're there and you don't know what's going on. And people

want, they absolutely are not looking at you on purpose. I had a genius fix my phone the other day and there was something going on with the charger and the genius pulled out. The Jarger binks? What's that? The jarger binks. He's a phone not working? Did I say, I said

jar jar? He said that's wrong with the jarjong. Oh, I got you. And they pulled out a tool and just took a little bit of dirt out of here. A little bit of dirt. And it fixed it. And I thought, just another genius doing genius move. Just genius shit all day.

Well done, my genius. Clean it up a little dirt. Just like a genius for do. We also have Alamoni Tony is here. And you seem to have bounced back from the share of business. Yeah, you know, life goes off. And there's plenty of official to see. Yeah, there is.

I mean, as far as I know, the world is half women, maybe even 51%. I think it's 51%. Yeah. And it'll be all women. Isn't that weird? Yeah. Isn't that strange? They say by 2029.

It's just all men will be extinct. Who says that? Where do you get those facts? Where did I hear that? It's like a Bill Gates thing. It's interesting. It's like a Bill Gates thing. Yeah.

It's, I think it has something to do with the vaccines. Oh, I got you guys die off. Trying to eliminate all the 5G. Interested. Yeah. We have to. to get to her next guest. We simply have to.

This is very exciting. She's been on the show many times before. And Jake, I would imagine maybe you're a fan of her work. I am. She is a writer. She is a world famous diarist. Please welcome back to the show, Bridget Jones. Wow.

What is that? Yeah, it's fucking awesome to be here. It's mental. Bridget, so good to see you again. So good to see you looking like a chunky donkey donkey bar. Thank you so much. You look like a chunky donkey candy bar. I don't know whether that's a compliment.

or whether that's a slam. Yeah, it's a compliment. In England, it is. Yeah, you make my day better. It's everything. It's a compliment. Thank you so much. Yeah, it's so great to have you here.

Bridget, what, catch us up for new listeners. We first got to know you. You were, you're, of course, the person that the movie Bridget Jones's diary and its sequels is based upon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Bridget Jones is dog. We all know it.

We've all seen it. René's Elwiger. She did a really good job now. So good, Colin. She didn't quite nail the accent. There was never a documentary that kind of blew up with how charming the real original. No, I'm waiting. I'm sitting away for it.

And then America falls in love with this one. Yeah, really, nobody's heard a word. Nobody's contacted me. But they took your diaries and then they spun it into Hollywood bullshit. Yeah, Hollywood garbage. They took the real story. They made absolute shit. Did you not give approval?

Did they steal it? I gave them approval. I got Matolo money. You didn't read the fine print. You got Mannelum money? Mary Mannel money? I mean, that's a lot of it. Not compared to Diamond and the other guys.

Compared to some Joe off the street, but you talk about the players? Bannola is not making nothing. Yeah. But you didn't read the fine print. You didn't even read the regular size prints. I didn't read none of the prints. Find out later. Oh, the movie became.

the big hit with Zauviggis relay and Colin Fart and that freaking umpillumper that's all angry. Oh, the Hugh Grant. Yeah, Hug, Grunk, whatever his name is. The world famous lover of blowjones. Yeah, he loves those things. He's on record as really enjoying what to jail for it. Yeah, but he's like, look, that's how much you love.

I love blowjobs so much, I'm going to go to jail for a while. Brave man, but yeah. He's speaking of Jay Leno. Yeah. Oh, that's right, because he was on, he was on. What the hell were you thinking? And everyone laughed and then he was the king of late 90s. I thought you made that Jay Leno loves blow jobs.

Maybe he does through those denim jeans. Denim shirt. By the way, it's not such a weird thing to say Hugh Grant loves blowjops. We all love blow jobs. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like Jake? Oh, you're iffy on him.

Yeah. Really? I don't like anything touching my genitals. Okay. This is a problem with your relationships. No, I just, I think that's an area that shouldn't be touched. Yeah. Not even with a bunch of teeth.

What's that? Not even with a bunch of teeth. I will say the fact that it's a bunch of teeth, you and me are alike, it seems like too much. Not even rows and rows of teeth. I'll tell you what, there are softer areas. With no teeth.

Seems difficult to get rid of the teeth. You know what I mean? Well, that's why a cute grandma did jail. He found somebody who could take other teeth. Yeah, exactly. That's part of the story that doesn't get brought up, but that person didn't have all the teeth. Ms. Dividewell.

Thank you for saying that. You're welcome. The real story. You should be talking about the real one. So we've heard some of the entries into your diaries over the years and how vastly different they are than the actual movies that, of course, we're still big fans of the movies, but they take place in some sort of like alternate Bridget Jones version.

Yeah, it's all glossed up. Yeah, exactly. So fancy. Exactly. Like, we haven't hired tea at the Drake Hotel in Chicago. Like, what the fuck? Right. But that's not the diaries?

I think so, yeah. So you've been writing these new diary entries in a bid to get a reboot going? Well, yeah, like, I'm just sharing me real diary so people know what's up with me, right? Because, like, I want to share the real Bridget story. And hopefully, yeah, maybe someone makes a docu series on Hulu. Cool. Maybe someone puts some shit together for Netflix. I know.

I mean, Jake's here talking about how he likes to self-fund his projects. Maybe he was... I'm excited. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've got some entries based on me month of January. Okay, yeah, we're about halfway through January now. So you've written some things.

Yeah, I'll just show you some entries from you guys. I would love to hear some. Yeah, we always love your entries. Look at you. Look, you like a hot pocket. Is that good? You do look like a hot pocket. In what respect?

Well, you're rectangular, you're lumpy. You look fully stuffed. Hot and hell, popping hot. Look, the diet starts after the holidays, okay? That's right. Good stuff. Do you know what I mean? Like happy stuff.

Happy stuff. Like a present. Sure. Sure. We love presents. You're a gift. What's wrong with looking like a present? Like a big fat, lumpy present.

A happy present. She's like that old present looking like a snack. People say you look like a present. You look like a gift. That's nice. Yeah. It is nice. Well, yeah.

So anyways, you know, January's a month of New Year's resolutions changing and all that. Sure. So let me read you some of this, okay? Do you ready? I think we've done enough preamble. I feel like we could launch into this with no further delay. And the pacing of this show would be incredible if we were to just suddenly launch into these. Okay, you're going to read from your diary.

And this is different than the movie. Yes, different than the movie. Just so I know. And it could be a docu-series. On Hulu. Wait a second. Here's Cher. Oh, Cher's back.

No, Sherr, get out of you, get out of you, get out of you. I thought I said never to return. Get out of here. Oh, okay. Oh, I just had to come. Yeah, what's up with her? She's a freaking freak. Sorry about that, Bridget.

That was awesome. I'm glad that happened. Here we go. Dear Diary, it's me, Bridget Jones. This morning was a typical English morning. Woke up to the sounds of ducks fucking. Pop to the gym for me New Year's resolution. Get me bobs and bits proper slamming.

Just like posh spice. she was poor in her dad's rolls royce when all of a sudden the gym chap be telling me i need to get out something about me pissing on the elliptical and rubbing it around with a rag then it at me clearly this man was in love with me and wanted to gump me goopy gurkin but then again who wouldn't love bridge wow yeah i sounds like you had an eventful uh beginning of january Yeah. I've been going to the gym getting mad fit. Yeah, no, you look great. Thank you. But I guess I meant

being kicked out for peeing on the elliptical part of it. I don't think that's ever happened to me. Pissing on the elliptical? No, and being kicked out for it. Both sides of that equation. Oh, both. You haven't had both. You haven't had both at the same time. Well, neither sides. Yeah, yeah. That's too bad.

I haven't been going to the gym getting mad fit. Maybe you can hit it up, piss on the lip-de-cical or whatever. Which gym do you go to? Do you go to the one by Ed DeBevics? I do go to the one. I have a friend who works there I bet she's the one who kicked you out She wipes off the machines Yeah, she got in your way

Yeah, oh she got your way Yeah, she was like, get out of here You need to leave Oh, yeah What was her name again? Her name's Lily Sullivan Oh, right, right, right Bicky from the gym

Bicky, oh yes, Bicky So that's great Do you have any more entries? I do, yeah, you won't hear more I don't hear the round of a plus I mean, I guess we get a plot. Dear Dara, it's me, Bridget Jones. This morning was a typical English morning.

Woke up to the sounds of Oliver Twist choking. Pop to the local pub and ordered myself something healthy because my New Year's resolution is to eat like a dying bird. Doggy dribblet, smothered and cookie cunk with a side of soggy snotty sauce. All of a sudden, the bar, wench be telling me I need to get out something about me pissing on

the pool table and rubbing it around with a rag then it ate me clearly this wench was in love with me and wanted to slug me sloppies while she Manchester's me football but then again who wouldn't the bench

Can I ask Bridget Do you ever record any Diarrayat trees at night Yeah Sometimes when I'm feeling really spooky Give the crystals out and start writing. Because it seems like you talk about the beginning of your day.

Yeah. And then that's it. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like morning pages. Morning pages. Yeah. We've never heard an entry that takes place after lunch.

That can't be. No. Although I guess we're at the bar. Oh, Bridget. You did order the snooty, snoggy sauce on the side? Oh, that's like kind of. Snodgy sauce. Snottie soggy sauce.

Snottie soggy sauce. That was on the side. You don't like that on the actual. Not on top. No, I'm not, I'm not a cowboy. Okay. Do you, do you have another, I mean, so much has been going on in January, I would assume you have another entry. Yeah, I have one that takes place in the afternoon.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, no, hold on to your hampers. Hampers, that's an English expression. Hold on to your hampers. Dear Diary, it's me, Bridger Jones. This morning was typical, I mean, sorry. Oh, I misread that.

This afternoon, was a difficult English afternoon, woke up to the sounds of Jamie Oliver making chicken nuggets, got myself a new job. You're waking up in the afternoon? Well, I was going to go. I slept in. Oh, okay, sure. We all do it. Had a late night. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Why did you write about that? You record that the time. What are you talking about? You can infer I had late night. That's why I'm waking up mad. Right.

It sounds like that would be an interesting entry. It sounds intriguing, yes. Like, why did you have a late night? That's not important. I went out with some friends. What happened? I got drunk and I was dancing on tables. This is exactly the kind of stuff that's in the movie is Rich Jones' diary.

No, it's not. Have you seen it? Sure, it's all about her life and her mistakes she makes in her life. Embarrassing herself. I don't embarrass myself. I'm mad, cool. Everyone's obsessed with me. Really?

You didn't fall off one of the tables at the bar? No, I was fucking on the table. Coyote Ugly style. Coyote Ugly style. Dancing in me cowboy. Sexy dancing is Coyote Ugly. Yeah, exactly. Having ever been to a bar?

I mean, maybe not a coyote. Somebody asked for water. You spray water in their face. In a cool way. In a cool way. Everyone loves it even the person getting squirted. They love it the most. They love it.

I saw that whole movie. Multiple times. It was part of a double feature. I like when she wrote the song on the rooftop. So romantic. She was closer to the mood light. Would you cannot fight? Oh, yeah, what was it?

Could you sing it? Can't fight the bull, like. That's all I remember. You can fight it. Go to get to you. Do you want to continue with this afternoon? Yeah, you love it. You love it.

Special afternoon to do you. You're obsessed with it. You can't wait for you for. Got myself for a new job in an office because of me, New Year's resolution to be a boss bitch, just like Margaret Thatcher was before she died from being a star. snoozy, sally, waggy, and the stupid asshole. When all of a sudden, me boss, be promoting me. What?

Something about me doing an excellent job with the files and the schedule. So, I thanked the chap by making him a coffee and pissing on the computers and rubbing it around with a rag. Then it hit me. That doesn't feel like the movie at all of me. Clearly, me boss was in love with me and one. I wanted to wiggle me weasley twins and broom inside me for Hollywood. Then again, who wouldn't love veg? I mean, I think that your boss might be in love with you,

the fact that he's allowing you to come to work in the afternoon and then giving you a promotion immediately. You've just woken up. I wonder what the producer saw in the first round of diaries. I don't know, because they're so different. And you got Renee Zellwiger at that era to say yes? Yeah, well. That must have been a, I mean, this.

This is some disgusting stuff. You know, I think it's, I'm a big fan. But what was? Yeah, I love it. Everybody's obsessed with the, what was the last word, too? To my fall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're all obsessed with everything about it. But it sounds to me, Jake, like you're not interested in putting up the money for this.

I didn't say that. I mean, I have to talk to my lawyer. Really? Who's your lawyer, by the way? He's here. Is it Johnny Cochran? Yeah. Oh, no.

I mean, honestly, though, you can't say. Not the famous one. Hello, Jake. Good to see you. Oh, John. So John. Yeah, it's me, Johnny Cochran. Hey, Johnny.

It is a different one. That's why I felt embarrassed by saying yes. Yeah. But no age in mind. J-O-N-N-Y. Yeah, so Johnny, there's an idea for a project that I am excited about. Oh, great. You know business better than me.

I do. That's my job. Entertainment lawyer to the stars. Yes. This is Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones's diary. Tombed. So you're real. I am there.

This is exciting. It's like meeting Peter Pan. or something. Yeah, I'm forever young. I don't mean in terms of your age. I mean, the fact that you're a fictional character. Because you're definitely age. Yeah, I hang out with little kids.

I'm pretty bad. No. Johnny, where are we at here, babe? Get me out of this one. I'm in a danger zone because I pre-committed. I mean, obviously it's up to you. Right. But if I were you, I wouldn't do it.

Unfortunately, I love the idea. Yeah. But my lawyer is saying it's just a bad time. what that's so sad but i love it i think it's great no it's great i mean if i had so good if i had any criticism it's that every single time you come on the show every single one of your entries is exactly the same with just a few slight word modifications that is not true at all it's really a lot of variety really yeah if you listen i i have been listening have you been on the show i think at this point 10 times something like that including you you came out to our tour stop

out there in uh that's when you met me and you were obsessed johnny what do you say she's selling it imagine her on leno's couch right now people are coming this is regular couch he doesn't have a show anymore but just he bought a couch he didn't hear this for me yeah leto's gonna steal back the tonight show again wow really who's got it now jimmy phallon yeah he's it's right for the taking right Also, you know, I'd be happy doing Last Man Standing, taking it over with Jay. Because, you know, he does little parts on Last Man Standing. Do you mean the Tim Allen show Last Man Standing?

Have you not heard this? No, what? He doesn't get paid. He goes on. He loves it. Who does what? Jay Leno. Leno does Tim Allen Show and for some reason doesn't get paid.

He doesn't want to get paid. Why? He does get spots. Loves being on it. He's so weird with money. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's just me and him.

It's last man standing. No Tim Allen anymore, obviously. Okay, but you're splitting Tim Allen's part? Oh, wait, you're going to... Hold on. How's it working? So you're going to be replacing Tim Allen? Yeah, both of us.

You and who? Me and Jay Leno. But Jay doesn't get paid. But then Jayne doesn't get paid? Jayne doesn't get paid? Yeah, of course. We haven't talked about the slack. All that stuff she does is for free.

The book tour. The book tour. The talking about her marriage. Yes. She would pay. to do all that. That's part of her kink. Exactly.

She is. Horny. Horny. Well, look, I, Bridget, I'm sorry we couldn't make a deal here. Yeah, it's really unfortunate in all that. But I'd love to keep in contact. Definitely. You're emailing you.

Sure, yeah. You can contact Jake at, what was your email address? I'll go through you. I'll go between. Or Johnny. Yeah, Johnny Cochran. Yeah. Go to www.

You know all that part. Cochrantheses, not that one, nparentheses.com slash you got Johnny, parentheses, no H, n parentheses. I'm on it right now. There's also a slash, if the glove don't fit, you must acquit as well. Why did you put that in there? That's not supposed to show up. But, yes, it's still that will get you there. What does that have to do with your business?

It doesn't have to. I don't know. It was a cheaper domain that way. So if the glove don't fit, you must acquit.coms are cheaper right now. It was just the one, the guy that did my, the guy that did my website as an asshole, and he thought he was being funny, but he gave me a great deal. And then I found out about Squarespace. Oh, man.

This episode brought to you by it. Of course it is. Sorry, Bridge, but come back on the show again, and you can try again. Yeah, you can listen to more entries. You're obsessed. I don't know what I'm obsessed, but... I mean, you do keep it by the more of the show. It's not like you're obsessed.

I knew it. I and everybody else besides maybe Scott. I know Johnny is. I'm a little obsessed. I'm a little obsessed. I'm a little obsessed. Tony. Tony's back.

I just want to say, I'm obsessed too. I'm freaking love. Oh, Tony. Mom of me, it's real. Great to hear from you again. I'm so sorry you have to leave immediately. I'm upset. Maribel.

You're fine. talking she's obsessed too Tony why don't you get one job on Mirabelle she's a single woman yeah you know what I'm saying I mean metaphorically let's be gentle to day yeah stinky is stinky snobfies

wait a second hey Scott can I talk to just you oh sure okay yeah Jake I mean what about Tony and Bridget oh that's right that's a combination we had to try we went to the PR late I guess I just wanted to hear Tony talk to Mirabelle for a long stretch

I'm not good enough for Tony I can't believe I'm being assaulted But Bridget, you're single, obviously Obviously, yeah For sure, guarantee Have you ever thought about dating an older gentleman? I mean, not much older because you are

I'm 55 Yeah Yeah, I could be interested What would you like? What are you into? Well, I like to do Sog parodies I'm not very good at it

I like to wear tennis clothing But I don't play tennis I do Love to love Do you wear the tennis clothing Because it's just the breeze Yeah just like the look Yeah the classic look

Yeah it's really It makes you seem classy in a way Thank you very much I'm headband Whoa I'm not in I don't like classy Yeah I'm not into it

I'm too classy It's too classy for me I know And for this reason you're out I'm freaking out. I'm pulling the plug. Rida Diary entry, honey. Dear, Laura.

Get us back. Let's see. It's me, Bridger Jones. I'm at. It was a typical Hollywood evening. Johnny, let's fire, Johnny. This is huge. Finally, we're at the evening.

You really what? This is what you what? Yeah. Okay. Welcome to the sounds of people getting an Olympic shot in their assholes. I said you something. DocuSide. Check your e-bail.

Went to record an episode of comedy gangbang. Close. With Soss Hutterman. Okay. Well, that's you. Thank you. Finally, a compliment. Sauce Hutterman.

Because my New Year's resolution is to donate to hags who are sad. Okay. Donate to hags who are sad. I think she means her time being on this show and I'm the hag who's sad. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you nailed it.

You got it. How did you nail that? I don't think that was complicated. I know Cockney slang. Interesting. Yeah. Clearly he was in love with me. Okay.

Skipping to the end. I appreciate that. Look, Bridge, always a pleasure to have you, but we are running out of time. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Does that surprise you at all? No. No, yeah.

I didn't think it would. But I think Alamoni Tony needs to get with the Meribald. You think so? Yeah. Oh, let me ask her. Let me ask her. Maribel, are you single? Well, as a matter of fact, I am recently single.

So am I. It ended very badly, but for good reasons. Well, I'm glad to hear that. Can I interject? What good reasons are there to end something badly? Well, sometimes it's so bad that when it ends, it's actually a good thing. Can you wrap your mind around that? Uh, my poor little brain. Yeah, I suppose so Maribel. Do you think you can figure that out?

Jake, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, I'm sorry. She's not a fire. She's not a fire. I know. I don't know what she's such a pill. She's my mother. She's my mother. She's your mother. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that about your mother. You're not wrong. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do here. She's my fucking mom. She's living with me right now. I want to take you on as a client. Really? Yes. So I want to expand my business here. Comedy Bank, Bank, doesn't need to just be a podcast or a TV show? It's a PR firm now. So I'm not against it, Scott, but you would have to fire my mom. Because I don't have the guts. I don't have it. She's my mom. I adore the woman.

She's tough as nails. All right. I can do it. Okay. Whoever wins, I'm their client. Okay. Mirabell, Mirabell. Shut the fuck up for a second.

I beg your pardon? Come here. Scott. It was very rude to talk to anything. Take my hand. What? Okay. now what

you're fucking fired are you fucking you're fucking fired you fucking kidding you are not working for my client Jake any longer your client that's right he's my client

you're out of here baby hit the fucking bricks and by the way he doesn't want to see you this year for Thanksgiving he doesn't want to see you for Christmas he wants you out of his life not accurate

I just don't want her to represent me. I'm sorry, Jake, but if you're my client, there's no way you're spending any time with her anymore. Jake and Bake, is this true? Well, no, I, thanks. I want Jakey baby. Yeah. You're my star client.

I know, and I want to be the star client. I'm going to devote 100% of my resources to you. And you are torn with Cindy and Brad. You gave a lot of, you gave a lot of time to Brad, and we both know it, Mom. Brad was having a moment. and I decided to capitalize on it. And I would do the same for you if you ever had a moment. By the way, Maribel, I'm also stealing Kevin Spacey.

It's just you and Kevin. Let's go! Let's do it! Fuck you, Mom! I can't believe that worked. Maribel, you'll make me the happiest man of the world. You need money, Maribel. I'd suggest getting in on this.

If you would agree to be my wife. Tony, of course I'll marry you. Oh, my God. Wow. Starting the new year off right with a new marriage. Jake, you have a new father? Dad! Stepfather.

Dad, I'll call him, dad. I'll also be your father-in-law, if you like. Wow, well, this is a great happy ending to start the year off. This is incredible. Wow. Hey, this makes me so late. Get out of here. Please, you have to leave.

You have to go. As Scott says, don't come back. You have to go. I would rather spend time with Kevin Spacey. You have to go. Wait, Cher, would you sing in our wedding? Absolutely. Yeah. Can we pick the song?

Absolutely. What is, what's it going to be? I've always wanted to hear you sing. Walking in Memphis. Live? Live? Why not a recorded version? Well, I know that's out there. I don't want to hear it. I want to hear it live. Oh, I said she does it version. At the wedding. Oh, my God. What a dream come true.

This isn't the wedding. We should specify. This is just... No, it's not... You know what? There's not going to be a wedding now. What? Yeah. Mom.

That sucked. Just because Cher can't sing walking in Memphis. I'm coming. I'm coming. This is your kink, Cher? Hey, who's making my wife? Okay. All right.

No. If Tony's Tony comes, I do have to wrap it up. By the way, I keep saying all right. You'll know that I'm trying to get to our last final feature on the show. That is, of course. How long has it been? How long have we been on here? Tony, shut up.

That is, of course, a little something called plugs. Love, love, Lugs. All right. Thank you so much. That was a Plugs Odyssey by AfroDuck Sounds. Afro duck sounds. Thank you so much to AfroDucs sounds.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to Comedy Bank bang bang world.com slash plugs and submit it. And you can also get in on these remixes for the closing the project. You got to get on the remixes. Got to get in on these. Guys, what do we plug in? Jake, obviously you have three projects going on, two of which are active. Yep. Self-in-lines coming off now. This is in January. We're here to help where you hear podcasts. The New Girl on Hulu. Stump Town, which was on ABC, got canceled. Let's Be Cops, Jurassic World. Yeah. Spider-Verse and some other ones. Yeah. Your full body of work. It's somewhere streaming.

Whatever theater you did, you know, beforehand in order to get you interested in acting probably. Yeah, a lot of theater. Why not? Yeah, yeah. And on my computer, a whole folder called Jake's writing. So check it out. If you can get a hold on his computer. It's a lot of scripts. A lot of pilots. There was a 70s show

spec on there. Yeah. We got to hold a Hunter Biden's computer. Why not yours? Get mine. Yeah. Alimony, Tony. What do you want to plug? Well, listen, I want to plug in behalf of somebody named Paul F. Tupkins. He's going to be doing a bunch of shows. He's doing a bunch of shows. He's doing a bunch of shows in the Sketchfest,

San Francisco Sketchfest. Oh, wonderful festival. That's coming up at the end of the month. Wonderful festival. Go to Paula Topkins.com slash live for ticket information. He's going to be going to be doing Varietopia. He's going to be doing Comedian Feud. He's going to be doing Spontorco.

He's going to be doing the neighborhood listen live. This is going to be a fun, fun time. You've got to check it out. Got to check it out. Where can people get information about that? kefest. Paul F.tomkins.com slash live, like I said. Oh, okay.

I don't listen to beginnings of sentences. Really? Yeah. The end is where all the meat is. I know, but the beginning of a sentence is like a fun setup. I know, but it's like, you know, all the important stuff is always at the end. But sometimes you might not understand things if you don't hear the beginning. Don't care.

All right. To each the road. Bridge. What are you? That's why you don't get my freaking entries. Don't listen to a half of the shit. Don't listen to the first half of the sentence. They're all the same.

Fucking dick. Looking like a piece of shit. Oh, no. You're a doubtrated. I think that's a compliment in England, actually. What do you want to plug here? What do you have? But actually, I'm having me buddy.

Tony, Sony plug it instead. Oh, great. Tony Sonny's back. I want to plug for my gumma. I want to plug Lily Sullivan. Wait, Lily Sullivan is your gumma? She's my gumma. She's got a couple podcasts on CBB World.

This book changed my life. She's on Hey Randy. And she has a solo show at the Elysian Theater on February 7th. Okay. One full calendar week before Valentine's Day. Yeah, keeping it romantic. Like me and my gras. Isn't it a full regular week as well?

Yeah, I think it is. Yeah, I believe so. It's not a baker's week, eight days. I want to plug, look, this is good advice. Go over to CBB World. and check out those shows. We also have The Neighborhood Listen is currently on CBB World. And we have Scott hasn't seen where we watch movies.

I believe Jack Quaid was just on last week. We watched Godzilla. And also, you know, we're doing a live show. I'm not sure if tickets are sold out yet, but Comedy Bang Bang Live is at part of the Netflix as a joke fest. That is May 8th at the Belasco here in Los Angeles. And because it's an L.A. show, we'll have plenty. of great guest stars.

So if there are still tickets available, then come see that show. And it will be, you know, hopefully we'll have something else to plug regarding live shows pretty soon. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. We've entered the room and there's nobody left. The party's all but done.

We look to the door and we go to the left. The party's almost done. So then we open up the door, but that's not the plug bag. Because you know this what we're gone and now We're not a C. L. W. Open up the floor bag, yeah,

Open up the floor bag, everybody joined in it, and open up the door. Had to close the flag because it's time. Open it up like another day A little baby opens up nothing And now here we are with the plugs I want out here all your plugs

Now's the time to tell me your plugs Oh, very nice That was closing the plug bag spillover By Jacob Crosby The first of our remixes All right guys I want to thank you so much Jake It's so great to have you on the show finally

Joining the exclusive one-timers club Along with Gary Goldman And Donald Glover Who only did the show once Way back into the first year never returned. Ben Stiller. This is an exclusive club.

Take it. We've decided that the more successful you are, you've only done it the fewest amount of times. So if you're ever back, you can tell your career set you a downturn. Thank you so much. Look forward to seeing the second part of that exciting Spider-Man movie. Yeah, me too.

Out this year, possibly. And Almoni, Tony, great to have you on the show. Right to see us. Sorry, we couldn't hook up any kind of a love connection. Hey, that's okay. You all bounce back. You will. I truly believe the next time I see you

You'll have been married and divorced Maybe, you know, eight more times God willing Yeah, and hey, bridge, what can I say? What can I say? It's been a day And also It truly is, but I don't want to talk to you I really want to talk to my good friend Tony Soney

Hey, we have a good time Tony, I've been razzing you a bit But you know I love you Do you? You want to have me back? Of course I want to have you We want me to eat the pizza pie on this on the podcast. We barely scratched the surface of what you're all about. I get so much to offer.

You do. My guma. Sure. And that's about it. It seems like about it. But I would love to have you back. Please come back next week. Promise me that.

Next week. Yeah. I can't wait to be on again. Yeah. Every week thereafter. No. Deal. All right.

We'll see you next side. Thanks. Bye. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna make it that... ...heera...