Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Jon Hamm, Seth Morris (Going Hamm)

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

This is part 1 of our "Going Hamm" series. This week on the show we’re once again joined by Angry Fella’ Jon Hamm. Jon gives us details on his upcoming projects and explores the correlation between religion and obesity. Bob Ducca drops in with important information about addiction which is followed by an exciting round of both “Who Said It?” and “What Am I Thinking?” Will Bob’s new found friendship with Mr. Hamm be what he needs to recover from the loss of Dennis? Sit back, open up a bag of Trader Joe’s Peanut Butter Pretzels, and find out in this weeks episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link https://siriusxm.com/cbb and code CBB.

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, and welcome to another Bonus Bang, where we re-release earlier episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from behind the paywall. This series of Bonus Bang, it's very special. We're calling it Going Ham, where we're gonna be re-releasing some of our favorite episodes

with one of our favorite guests, Jon Hamm, the Madman himself. That's right, Jon is an old friend of mine. I used to play poker over at his house before he was in Madmen and he loaned me the, I believe it was DVDs, it might've even been VHSs of Madmen when he first started doing it saying,

oh, I'm on the show, you would really like it. It's always great to have him on the show. He's been on the show all 15 years. He's a great friend to the show. Now, if you're new to Comedy Bang Bang, thank you so much for being here. This is a great chance to catch up with some of the long running jokes and characters of the show. If you're already a regular listener, this is also a great chance for you to

relive some of our most beloved episodes. So our first episode of going ham is episode number 97, that's right in the first hundred. Can I Catch a Ride with Jon Hamm as well as Seth Morris playing my stepfather Bob Dookah. It was originally released on March 21st, 2011. We play Who Said It as well as What Am I Thinking? And there are, of course, a list of Bob's ailments. If you like what you hear and you wanna hear the entire CBB archive, you can become a subscriber at CBBworld.com,

where you can find every single episode we've recorded, as well as every live episode. We're gonna be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Until then, enjoy this bonus bang! Comedy Death Ray! Hey, now for the pre-plugs bullshit, it's Comedy Death Ray Radio. I am Clock Soccer Mom, your intrepid host, and it is my pleasure today to tell you who is on the show. Talking to me for the entire hour, we're just gonna get into it. We're gonna do a Paul Rubin-style figuring out everything about him for an hour. You may mistake this

show for WTF, no it's not. It's Comedy Death Ray Radio, but on the show for the entire hour today. Actor, raconteur, friend? Sure, he mouthed friend to me to remind me that we're friends. John Hamm is on the show today. How are you, John? An evening with John Hamm. That's right. If you're listening to this in the evening, consider it that.

By the way, John, I wanted to tell you, and sharp-eared listeners are probably wondering why I haven't mentioned it, but I'm no longer saying the catchphrase, what's a pod talk. Wow, yeah, that was going to be my first question. Yeah. You know, I haven't really talked about it on the show yet, but basically I retired at the end of last year. So people have been sending me new ideas for a catchphrase. I'm trying to decide exactly what to do. Also, people can vote on whether they want it to return at our blog.

Maybe one of the Oscar Mayer people got wind of it and sort of raised a stink. That may have been part of it, yeah. They may have raised their traditional stink about it. So I just wanted to make sure you were okay with that. I'm fine with it. I appreciate change. You're not afraid of it? No.

Except change. This is change I can believe in. Hey John, what's going on with your sinuses? I'm a little congested, but I want to reassure everybody out there that I am fully medicated. I'm on cold medicine right now. So you're not about to expire? No, no, no. There's nothing right, there's nothing like-

Let me do it the way that we all are. Sure, we're all slowly dying. None of us are getting out of here in good shape. But yeah, no, I'm on the mend. Let me ask you this, have you ever accepted Jesus into your heart? Are you a religious man? I did once, and then I immediately expelled him from my heart because he was kind of being a dick about it.

Take it up too much room? Yeah, it was a little bit like it was like, it's not like I'll get to stay forever. He's kind of like a bad roommate. A little bit, where it's like, why'd you eat my donuts, man? It was clearly like, you can have a donut, but don't finish the box. Pete Do you think, okay, say Jesus is living in people's hearts, does he live on the cholesterol? Like, is that how he survives, do you think? Pete Probably. I mean, if you think about it, the blood has all those nutrients in it.

Pete Mm hmm. Pete And if you, you would hope, because you've seen a lot of the, a lot of the sort of body types of the classic sort of Jesus people. He's perilously thin. Jesus is. Frail. His believers though. Very swarthy. Yeah, his believers are a little, generally a little heavier.

Wait, you think the disciples and the apostles were heavier than Jesus? Well, everyone is heavier than Jesus, but I mean- He was a thin dude. He's a thin dude, but you- He was a thin white duke. The original thin white duke. Are you trying to say that the apostles and disciples had a weight problem?

No, no, no, not the apostles. The early believers, they were all pretty fit because they walked everywhere. I'm talking about now. Like sort of the now, the classic kind of big church-going folks are generally big, comma, church-going folks. Have they done any studies on this about the weight of people who are Christians? I think they have, and I think the studies came back in a very conclusive manner. And what I think the study came up with was that all Christians are morbidly obese. Really? All? 100%? Yeah, 100%. It was really weird.

What was the margin of error? Zero? I think it was plus or minus 50%. But the number one cause they had mentioned was that because they had gained so much weight because they had taken Jesus into their heart. Wow. They had a lot of heart trouble. I had never thought about this. Well, you know, we don't want to talk about religion the entire program. We could though.

We could because you have a lot of thoughts on it. I do. I do. And everybody, it's not, the good thing about talking about religion is most people are on board with whatever you say. You can generally find a consensus and everybody's pretty cool if you have a difference of opinion. Not divisive in the least. Not at all.

No. We probably have a lot of religious listeners. You know, being in Hollywood the way you and I are, in the heart of Hollywood. Sure. What's your address by the way? Holly Weird. My address is number one, Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood, California, 100 star star. But living in Hollywood, it's easy to forget that people are religious out there and they're

not insane because when you live in Hollywood, religious people in general are sort of typified as you know... What, morbidly obese? Morbidly obese weirdos. But no, I mean, it's perfectly possible to live a life of, I don't even care about what I'm saying anymore. John? That was called hedging. There are some nice religious people out there, we just want that known. No, but I truly do, it always surprises me when like a regular person, you know, who

has a great sense of humor and doesn't mind cursing. You know, that's what I think it is about religion that, especially back when we were growing up, religion was very anti-cursing and it doesn't seem that much anymore. It seems like you can be religious and not care about the stupid words that society have decided are curse words. Sure. I think most people have, you know, most thinking people, there are the religions in the world that are sensible and accepting. And you know, the recent sort of, there's the Westboro church type religions too, which are just utterly- Not as accepting. Not as accepting. Maybe whatever the opposite of accepting is. Rejecting, mean.

John, I want to get into it. Mad Men coming back, not coming back. Where do you stand? Well, I hope it comes back. Okay, so you're for it. I'm pro it coming back. We are in a little bit of limbo right now because both this, there, there, there's a series of deals that have to be done. The studio and the network have to figure out an arrangement that they're both happy with because they are both not under an operating agreement anymore.

That expired. And then they have to make a deal with Matt Weiner who created the show, uh, to bring him back to write it. Um, What about your deal? Where do, where do you come in? We're all sewn up, but, uh, all sewn up, but it's a matter of there's no show for us to go put on clothes and walk around and scream at each other and if there's no show. Why do you need Matthew Weiner?

Like can't you get like a Chuck Lorre or someone in there just to... Well Chuck's got some free time now, it seems. But no, you know, you... That's certainly something that I'm sure they will threaten Matthew with, is to hire somebody else to do it. Laurie time. It's Laurie time. Get that vanity card at the end of Mad Men.

Oh yeah, be great. Sharp-eyed viewers. But I think that they're committed to, I hope that they're committed to Matt's... Well we all know the show can't go on without Matt, without you, everyone else disposable. Completely. Um... Do you... I mean, it may be off the air so long that you're in the 70s.

Have you ever thought about that? Well, you know, it's up to Matt. I mean, we could pick up the story the next day, really. It doesn't necessarily have to be a time shift. Well, I mean mean you've all gotten so much older though since the last episode. It's almost been a year since we've shot. Yeah so I mean it doesn't really make any sense if it's the next day. And by almost being a year I mean it's been about six months. I and I think we may have

talked about this on the show before that I really I think there's some crossover with Happy Days there. You know what I really, I think there's some crossover with Happy Days there. You know what I mean? I mean, Happy Days was shot in the 70s, but was set in the 50s. And I think Fonzie now, Henry Winkler himself, has aged appropriately where he could be in Mad Men at the age that he's at now. And it would make sense for the Fons to come by and you know like pitch you know pitch some slogans. But was Fonz an ad guy? He could have been. Was he really doing it over the garage all that time? Like thinking up slogans? Well you know he's got an office. He sure does he's got a lot of time to himself.

What if he uh... What if he worked at your offices and just like in a bathroom, just like... Hey Fonz. Hey Don! Is that your Fonz? I guess. I'm sick. Hey Don! Well, I want to talk way more about Mad Men and more about basically... Hello? Who is it?

Is it Engineer Doug? Who is that? Scott. Oh! Oh my god. Scott, is this an appropriate time? Hi! What is it? Who is that? Scott. Oh, oh my, oh my God. Scott, is this an appropriate time? Hi, Bob.

Hi, I don't know you. I'm Scott's stepfather, Bob Dukka. Hi, how do you do? Your name? John. John Hamm, yeah. What, John what? Hamm. That's a funny name.

Bob, please don't insult our guest. I'm just observing. John, let me tell you what's going on. Bob Duca is my ex-stepfather. He was married to my mother for six months when I was... Legally ex. Yeah, married... Still stepfather in my heart.

Married to my mom for six months when I was in my 30s. Seven beautiful months. Okay. I'm not counting those two days in March. But anyway, he drops by the show sometimes and... Just checking up on my boy. You guys have never met before? Can that be true?

No, I don't think so. And you're a performer? Yes, I'm an actor. Ah. What do you do? I'm currently unemployed and unable to work. Unable? Yeah.

Pop has a few problems with his body. I qualify for a hundred and seven different kinds of disabilities. You must be doing okay then. Well, I mean it depends on how you look at it. Were I able to drive I'd be able to park inside any building I wish. I have so many placards. You park inside the building? Mm-hmm. That's a that's a pretty great gig. Sure. Do they open the door for you? Just drive right through the plate glass? Well if I you know I'll make sure when I was able to drive I would I don't like horns. You sort of wave at them? That's right yeah Bob was waving yeah for the cameras. Yeah. And you, you, you, you, you, you are, uh, which kind of performer? Uh, I work in television and film, an actor.

Anything. So what about stage? What's going on there? Um, not much. I haven't done much stage since college. Sorry. I like how you say television and film. Like those are really the only, the only two types of acting now.

Radio. That's true. Podcast. I work in television, film and podcast. And internet. Please add that to your description. Next time you're on Letterman, I expect you to... TV, film, podcast. Do you know, forgive me if you probably get asked this all the time, do you know the American Pickers? I don't, I haven't heard of them. Are they a band? History Channel? No I don't I'm not familiar with it. Oh they go around the country and they collect antiques. You don't know them? I'm not familiar with it no it sounds it sounds fascinating. And what's your program about? My program I'm on a show

called Mad Men and it takes place in the 1960s and it takes place in an advertising agency. Oh. And then- It's a documentary? No, no, no, it's a fiction, fictional account. It's a drama. About advertisers? Based on some truth. Based on some truth.

I mean, it takes place in the actual history of the United States in the 60s, but it's made up. And you're always talking about real companies, which is great. You're not talking about like... Yeah, we get to pitch actual products. We don't have to do like Pepsi Cola or whatever. Pepsi.

Which is delicious, by the way, if you haven't had it. This is a popular program about advertising? In the realm of human history, maybe not as popular as some things, but people know what it is. It's captured the zeitgeist. It's, you know, I mean, it's not... I mean, compared to, I don't know, what's the most popular thing? Last week Jerry found a-

Jesus. Jesus, yeah, compared to Jesus. It's a horse less than Jesus, somewhat above maybe American Pickers. So you had a question, Bob? Oh no, I had a comment. Last week on American Pickers, they found this dynamite carousel horse that they got from a hillbilly for only three dollars. Apparently it was worth three thousand. Well, that doesn't seem got from a hillbilly for only $3. Apparently it was worth $3,000. That doesn't seem fair to the hillbilly.

Oh, but it was incredibly entertaining. Don't you think the hillbilly could have used a couple? Well, from what I understand, they eat dirt, so I don't know. I think that they got a good end of the deal. I think a better question might be, what was a hillbilly doing with a carousel horse you know I have speculated on that I really think you'd enjoy the program I'm now I'm intrigued you still don't quite understand I'm not getting my brain around you guys do covers of commercials on your show no covers not so much but we sort of we sort of look at the the

ins and outs of the advertising agency and use that as a stepping off point for sort of larger commentary about what was actually happening. I remember this other time they found a Tiffany lamp from a... Hillbilly? Well she was homebound. They didn't show the outside of her house and this woman, very funny, she a bug crawled into her mouth and she didn't notice

was she alive and and what did they what did they I guess it was that her forearm was a diameter it looked like a kind of two two fire starting logs, and she wasn't able to move the bug. Anything like that happen on? Nothing like that happens on our show yet. Well, a guy was run over by a lawn mower. We had a guy run over by a lawn mower. That was, that was pretty great. That's kind of dramatic.

It was just his foot. It's just his foot, but it's sort of bug in a mouth style drama. Bug in a mouth style. Well, I'll have to check out. Angry Fellas is what it's called? Yeah. Yeah. Look for it on AMC. Talking mouth style. Well, I'll have to check out. Angry Fellas is what it's called? Yeah. Look for it on AMC.

Angry Fellas. Bob, what are you doing here, by the way? I mean, I know we have an open door policy, but what makes you drop by today? Aside from just wanting to catch up with you, Scott, I... Oh, aside from that. I wanted to use this as a forum, as I've done in the past, to work on myself and by doing so, helping others, to show them that they're not alone. As you know, I'm involved with several 12-step programs, and I'm revisiting the first step, which is admitting that you're powerless over your particular ailment.

Okay. Well, great. May I? May you what? Well, I'd like to read just a few of the things that I'm powerless over because by getting them out, I then gain power over them. Okay, well, yeah, see, John... Can you do them all at once like that, or do you have to go through the 12 steps for

each one? Well, I'm very busy. I understand. John, sometimes Bob likes to read lists of things that he uh, so yeah, as long as it's a short list will you promise me that it's it's relatively short and... Well there's two pieces of paper. That's not a good sign. Two pieces of paper on top of three other pieces of paper. Oh god. All right, well go ahead, well I'll stop you if it gets a little long. It's a wet leaf in my throat.

Grrr! I, Bob Dookie, admit that I am powerless over the following things. Alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, cocaine, celestial seasoning sleepy time tea, workaholism, codependency, the following forms of gambling, online, riverboat. Indian Reservation. Public Park Chess. Jelly Beans in the Jar. County Fair Fat Man Weight. Coin Flipping. Marbles. Russian Roulette. Diazepam. Lorazepam. Hanazep a Pam, Michael Jackson's coma juice, I don't remember what it's called. Shoving Q-tips too far into my ears. Heartbreak.

Trader Joe's peanut butter pretzels. Fits of primal rage. The following forms of pornography. Online. Over the phone print animated daguerreotype

Japanese German Latina Black Canadian Victoria's Secret catalogs hair conditioner and bubble bath commercials, hip hop videos, beer posters, the adult novels of Judy Blume, cake farts, eating my hair, catalog shopping, fathers and father figures, dietary fiber, mittens, chocolate, Mondays,

crying on buses and at bus stops, swallowing in a way that disturbs others, internet cafe bullies, outdated plumbing, the cutting remarks of teenagers, non-velcro shoes, prenatal smoking, money, and women. Wow, that's a lot of things. That's all so far. I still have a few more groups to cover. Oh, okay. I don't have them now what Pretty complete those were things you're addicted to it seems like some of those things No, I've had problems with some of these things are families of okay, so Internet Cafe bullies Mm-hmm. What kind of problems would you have with them? Well, they for some reason find Being mean to me very entertaining to each other. I Do understand the thing about the Trader Joe's peanut butter pretzels though does that stuff? That's a rough one and being mean to me, very entertaining to each other.

I do understand the thing about the Trader Joe's peanut butter pretzels though. Oh. That's tough. That's a rough one. That is a rough one. And I applaud you for your fortitude. Why aren't that, why isn't that regulated? Should be.

Inner city people can be protected from fast food chains, yet I can't be protected from Trader Joe's pretzels. I don't have the ability to stop myself. Well, it sounds like you're on the right track though with first year. The first step is the hardest. It sure is. What are your next steps? Is this a traditional 12-step program?

Oh no. No. The step after this is make sure you get a lot of rest. You want all of them? Oh sure, yeah. You're not interested in the others? You know, I can only concentrate on one at a time. Okay, but rest is next for you. The second step is the easiest. The first step is the hardest. The second step is the easiest because you need to get rest I mean sometimes you can get overboard and I have you should put that on the on the list oh

boy rest have recovering from bed sores on my cheeks sure um you might be sleeping wrong that's like a jack fox worthy bit bit. If you have bedsores on your cheeks. You might be. Well, thank you, Bob, for dropping by. The exit is right that way. Oh, I was hoping I could stay for a very long time. Okay, well, sure. I mean, I don't want to turn you away. It's always great to see you. Imagine crisis. We should let him. How is your mother?

Maybe Gloria. She's fine. Beautiful as ever. Yeah, beautiful. Moved on. Totally not really thinking about you in the least. Still fond of puzzles? She's kind of moved on from puzzles.

As I recall, you were the one who was always kind of berating her and forcing her to do puzzles. Well, we needed an activity to bond over. Is she still a fan of 80s band The Romantics? I don't recall her ever even- Eye Theater, you tuck in in your sleep. I don't think she's ever even listened to one song. I guess that was the thing between she and I.

As I remember, you have a lot of hobbies and you tried to get her interested in them. Yes. And she was interested in zero percent and left you. Well, she left me because of my rage-aholism where I would get upset when she would bother me, sorry, when I felt that she was bothering me when I was engaged in some of my activities. So for a while you tried to get her involved in your motorboat regattas and... Yes, but she liked to do things wrong. And that would upset me, I can admit it now. John, any advice for the loved Lauren out there like Bob here? What do you do to keep a relationship together?

I could really use it. Well I think you know, I think Bob you have the right idea. You gotta identify the problems and work on them as best you can. You know, it's hard work being in a relationship with anybody. And you know, it's hard work being in a relationship with anybody. And, you know, if you have particular issues or addictions, you know, you've got to do the best you can so you're not subjecting your partner to those problems that are yours. You're not running away from them though, that's great. That's important.

You are a very insightful man. I do my best. Did you drive here? I did. Do you need a ride? I would love to just drive around and pick your brain. Scott will give you a ride back. I didn't drive, I took a taxi here.

Scott will give you a taxi ride back. I don't have any cash on me. I'll lend Scott some cash and he'll give you a taxi ride back. How did you get here? Well, I took a bus and then it's some very nice men. I was at, actually I was walking by a Home Depot and next thing I knew I was in the back of a truck. Good for you. And they didn't expect anything from you? I don't know, I didn't understand anything that was being said around me. But you know, here I am. They just dropped you off here?

No, no, no. I walked about 17 miles. Oh, okay. How's Dennis, by the way? Bob lives in a shed in Kasteik. I did. Beautiful. Kasteik's beautiful. I moved. Kasteik is just gorgeous. I had to move. Oh, what happened? Well, I woke up and Dennis wasn't there. I'm sorry, I came back, I came home, Dennis wasn't there. Apparently there had been some sort of activity, there was police tape all over, and all he left

me to remember him was a chalk circle. You know, I think that was his way of saying that he left an imprint on me. Dennis had some of his own issues. Like what? Alcohol, nicotine. Okay, please, we're not going to go into the whole list. The same issues as you? Well, his issues affected me. I was not addicted to alcohol or marijuana. I was involved with Al-Anon, which is for families of people who suffer. So you were not addicted to those, you were addicted to the recovery process of them? Well, you know, these things are family diseases, and they affect everyone.

So, and was Dennis sort of like family to you, being your roommate, almost like Jesus when he lives in your heart? Sure. Okay, sure. Where did Dennis live lives in your heart is? Sure. Okay, sure. Where does Dennis live in your body? Well, sometimes when he'd sleep, you know, he was a cuddler. A compulsive cuddler? He was a compulsive cuddler, yeah. And he often had a damp parka, which made, I don't know if you know down, what down parkas

are like when they get wet. Oh yeah, I've felt those. And so would he ever shed it or would he leave it on when he got it? He got what's known as wet parka mushrooms because of the moisture in his body and he would have to air it out. But he was like a big brother to me. We'd fish for crawdads behind the, you know, in the creek.

Okay. And break windows, old mansions, collect bullfrogs. This is your childhood? No, this is my relive weeks ago. We used to get penny, trade glass door knobs for penny candy. This is like dandelion wine or something. This is like Ray Bradbury's childhood. He taught me how to make a pickle barrel suit.

Okay, I think you're remembering this wrong. Alright, look, let's take a break for a second. When we come back, we'll have a little more Bob Dukka, we'll talk to him, we'll have more Jon Hamm, we'll really figure out what's going on in his life. I'm sorry we've gotten so off track talking to Bob. Oh, that's totally acceptable. I understand. I really meant to figure you out, you know, and he's come in here and kind of barged in. But let's take a little break. When we come back, we'll have more Comedy Death Ray Radio. My name is, of course, Clock Soccer Mom.

Had to look it up. And this is Comedy Death Ray Radio, and we are here with Jon Hamm and my ex-stepfather in law is, no, wait, ex-stepfather. Ex-stepfather. Ex-stepfather. In, by legal terms. That's what I mean when I say in law, in law man's terms, not layman's terms. Oh, I thought you meant like in-laws.

Oh, no, no, no. Paris the Thought. Bob Duca is here and it's... No father in my heart. And we're having a great conversation, but as we all know, after the first break, it is time to play Who Said It? Said it! Okay, Who Said It is one of our new features. We've played it. This will be the second time we've played it and it's very easy. We will go around the room here. We'll go, I guess around the room doesn't really make sense. There's only two of you, but back

and forth, ping pong back and forth. And I have some famous quotes here and you just have to guess who is the author or the person who said this quote and we'll tally up the points at the end and see who won. I'm going to guess who said it. Who said it, yeah exactly. The titular phrase. Okay, okay. The eponymous term. Yes.

This is literary authors? It runs the gamut. Of? Between literary and actors and all sorts of things. Entertainment figures. Politicians? Entertainment figures are people in history, stuff like that. Famous historical quotes.

Presidents. Sure. Let's see. A lot of different types. Hosts of television programs. Yes, a lot of different types of people. Almost anyone you can think of. Do you say seniors?

No, seniors. Seniors. All right, so we're gonna start. Crossword puzzle authors like Will Schorz. All right, so let's go to John Hamm first. Let's see if you can score a point. They start off relatively easy, then get harder. So your first one is to be or not to be. That is the question. Well, that was said by Hamlet. Yes, we also would have accepted Shakespeare. Okay.

Yes. You have one point. Congratulations. All right, Bob. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. Who said it? Can you say it again please? Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. Can you use it in a sentence for me? That actually was a sentence. Okay, it wasn't one of the American Pickers was was it? No. I'm going to guess Albert Einstein. Very close. Winston Churchill talking about World War II. Okay.

All right, so the score is 1-0. Jon Hamm has won. Congratulations. It's not over yet. We still have a few more. Still got plenty of time. Plenty of time to come back. All right, Jon, who said it, in the future everyone will be world famous for 15

minutes? I think that's Andy Warhol. Incorrect. It was actually Doc Brown from Back to the Future 2. Talking about the future we saw in Back to the Future 2. All right, so still one to zero. Time to catch up here, Bob. Here you go, Bob. Here we go. Who said it, duh winning Tiger Blood? Here we go. Who said it? Duh winning Tigerblood. It was the doctor from the, here comes, hey, here comes the future. No, it actually, unfortunately, you are incorrect. It is Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now. That is where Charlie Sheen first heard it. That's where he got it. Yeah, and adopted the phrase. Yeah. So sorry.

Who? Who's the... I know who Martin Sheen is. Yes, that's who said it. Who's... Okay, but you said somebody else got something from it? Yeah, his son, Charlie Sheen. Adopted that phrase, yeah. Oh, I don't... He has a son? Yeah. Okay. A couple of them. All right, John, who said it? Hillary, it depends on what the definition of is is, but once we find that out, you is gonna give me a Lewinsky.

Who said it? I'd only heard the shorter version of that quote first, but I'm pretty sure that was Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton is correct. Yes, you have two points. I was gonna guess Snoop Dogg in the remake of Starsky and Hutch. All right, Bob, time to catch up here. Who said it, I can't believe that God plays dice with the universe? Gallagher? No, unfortunately, it was Colonel Mustard in the study, said that. Alright, John, for a point, who said it,

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have. Um... Gandhi. Very close. Jennifer Tillian bound. That was a famous quote from the movie Bound. I should have picked up on that.

All right, Bob Dukkha, who said it? I feel good about this one. Time to catch up. Don't have a cow, man. Who said it? Oh, I know it was a cartoon. Don't have a cow, man. Hey.

Hey, okay, hold on. It was, uh, oh, I know. American Dad. Very close. That was Mahatma Gandhi. He was talking about not eating cows. No, that's a Gallagher joke. Yeah, sorry. Okay, so we're still two to zero. Jon Hamm in the lead, but a few more questions we can catch up. All right, Jon, who said it? Can't we all just get along?

Oh, well, that was a very recent anniversary of this man's sufferings. Rodney King. No, unfortunately, it's misattributed to Rodney King. It actually was Drew Barrymore talking about Justin Long. Oh, we should all get our own Long. Yeah, exactly. I'm so sorry you did not get a point for that. Again, I should have known that.

I should have known that makes sense. I've been described as an emotional Rodney King. All right, John, for a point, who said it, I believe the children are our future. Oh, wow. I'm sure a lot of people have said that. I know I have. And I meant it. Whitney Houston? Very close. It was Doc Brown in Back to the Future 3.

Oh, man. I got it. Yeah. It makes sense. Again, it makes sense. He was so quotable. Yeah. I have to listen more carefully. Yeah. All right. Bob Dukka, who said it, once Fergie joins the group, let's agree to be totally 100% shitty okay taboo good with you Apple D app who said it oh this is from the Simpsons no you're really off course on this there's a human named Apple D app

yes it's not a cartoon his full full name is Steven Apple the App. Well, I mean, well, how would you put give a person like that a nickname? Remove the Steve. Do you have a guess Bob? Oh, I did. Yes. Oh from the Simpsons? Yeah, okay. Oh, so it's okay. So it's not a cartoon. It's not a cartoon. Do you have a guess?

Oh, it's's not a cartoon. No, it's not a cartoon. Do you have a guess? Oh, it's the royal family. Very close. Will.I.Am. Will.I.Am. from the Black Eyed Peas. All right, we have, okay, one question left apiece. All right, John. Is this for, should we make this for two points? So just in case he-

Yours is for one point and Bob's is for three. So you can tie. All right, here we go. Who said it? Look, I know my first name is what one does with clothes. And my last name is another name for a wholesaler or retailer of the cloth clothes are made out of. But I don't work in the fashion industry, I work in advertising.

What do you think my fake name should have been? Commercial copy junior the third? But I don't work in the fashion industry, I work in advertising. What do you think my fake name should have been? Commercial copy junior the third? Now get out of my office, Betty, and get me a cup of coffee." Ooh, I feel like I should know this. You should. It sounds like something my character on the show would say. Don Draper.

Don Draper is correct. Yes, you have three points. All right, to catch up and tie, you like to tie, right? That's a friendly way to end a game. Sure. Who said it? Bob Dooka for the tie. Hee hee, Chamon, where's Lisa Marie?

Jermaine, somebody get my glove and find bubbles, hoo! Dr. Seuss? No, I'm so sorry. It sounds like a Dr. Seuss thing. I'm sorry, that was Michelle Obama making fun of Barack Obama's voice. These are, this is deaf. Yeah, so sorry.

John, you are our big winner. Congratulations. Thank you. That is how you play Who Said It. Fucking shit. big winner congratulations thank you that is how you play who said it said it all right we did it. Congratulations, John. How does it feel to be a winner? That was fun. Yeah, finally, for once in my life.

Seriously, how does it feel to be a winner? It feels amazing. Had you applied yourself a little more on that, I think you probably could have done a little better. Some of those were sort of- See, now this is the kind of advice I could use while driving around with you. Like that Michelle Obama thing was easy. Everyone did that.

If we'd flipped the script and he had gone first, would you have been able to get his questions? It was a little stacked. The deck was a little stacked towards you. I feel like I did get the easier pile. The pile A was a little easier. Do you have any gum or lozenges in your car? I don't.

I have a piece of gum now if you'd like a piece of gum. Put it in my pocket. Oh. No, that's all right. You seemed intrigued and then immediately... It was immediately... Failed out. Too much work. What, reaching into his pocket? No, the chewing. He'll do it for you. Oh, the chewing. That I can't do for you. That, you're on your own. You could pre-chew some of the gum and then just plop it in his it in His mouth I could loosen it up. I am looking into this baby bird diet. Uh-huh somebody chews up food And then just drops it into your waiting mouth

You'd have to know that person awfully. Well, who do you know that? Well, I guess Dennis I don't know Dennis could have done it. Well, you know, don't stop looking for him. He's out there somewhere. I won't stop Don't stop till you get, I won't stop. Don't stop till you get enough. All right, guys, let's take a break. One more song and then when we come back, we'll do a little more. It's John Hamm, Bob Dook, I'm Clark Sacrament. Yeah, that's right.

And this is comedy to the radio. We'll be right back. What kind of music do you like, John? I like all kinds. Taking a stand. I've taken a stand. I think that all music is good. Do you find when you're a, we'll get back to what music you like, but do you find when

you're a celebrity you can't take stands on issues anymore? You have to sort of- No. No, I think you certainly can. It just comes with a lot more scrutiny and you can be sort of judged fairly or unfairly But are you a political? Activist of any type are you out there laying down the law? I'm not particularly

Politically active I do have my own sort of opinions and and and things like that Are you on you were on the Bill Maher show? I did I did yeah, I did real-time couple times and You know people it's amazing like you'll get a couple times. And you know people, it's amazing, like you'll get a lot of feedback when you do take stands on stuff like that. Both positive and negative, I would imagine. Both positive and negative. And it's, you know, it is what it is.

We live in a pretty politically weird time right now, so it's kind of hard to not take a stand. So Obama born in this country or what? Listen, facts aren't in. You know, I'd love to see a birth certificate, not some bullshit certificate of live birth. Why doesn't he just show it to people? You know what I mean? Exactly. I'd like to see something that says birth certificate, not certificate of live birth. Yeah. It's not that hard. It's the English language. We all

speak it. Oh my gosh. I like skiffle music. Getting back to what kind of music do you like? You were about to... Well, I don't necessarily follow music, but I do have a lot of friends, yourself included, who do turn me on to some of the new stuff. So... What was the last record you remember buying? The last record I bought I think was probably Kanye West's new one. Well, that's a great one.

Yeah, it's pretty good. A lot of backlash from it. It came out came out and everyone loved it and then everyone kind of said, oh too many people love it we're gonna say it's not that good. That's the kind of pitchfork mentality where you just, you know, you can't, you can't like something sort of in earnest. You have to have this sort of snarky removed attitude toward it and you know, whatever. People like what they like. I'm actually, I'm gonna see you I think in a couple weeks in in Austin for some no we already we already saw each other that was fun we hung out in Austin oh man

such good times that band that band Herman Dune that's the guys I did the video for us oh right yeah when's that come out, do you know? I don't. We'll get to it in the plugs. I don't know. We'll get to it in the plugs. All right, so we're here with Jon Hamm. We're here with Bob Dukka, my ex-stepfather. How are you enjoying yourself, Bob?

It's fun. It's a ringing endorsement. Usually you enjoy yourself when you're on the show. Yeah, well, I'm just thinking about that gum. I can't... I'm gonna get you a piece of gum. I just don't know if I, you know, I want to chew it, but... Just at least let him give it to you and then you can decide.

Then the option is yours. All right. It's been in my pocket for quite a while, so it is nice and warm and squishy. That's all right. That's half the work is done. I do have, I don't know if it's time, but I have a poem that I wrote. Oh that's right. Bob as part, oh thank you. I don't like to chew on the on the radio because I believe... Save it for later. Yeah I will. I believe I was doing that in one show and everyone got, oh please Bob. I can see why you might not want.

Bob was encouraged to write poetry as part of art therapy, I guess. And he had one poem that a lot of people enjoyed called A Ship Called Hope. And you've written a new one. Yes. Do you like poetry, John? I love it. Really? Who's it. Really? Who's your favorite poet?

Um, at this point probably Bob. So you're a fan. Thank you. Yeah. I've heard his work on the previous episode. Now this is a poem about something that I'm really excited about, a new kind of product that I discovered. Maybe, I don't know, you might know it about on your program.

Do you know about coconut water? I guess. Are you familiar with this? There's water inside coconuts. It's just a fantastic liquid and I cannot stress it enough and I was inspired to write this. Coconut water. Inside the fruit of the coconut palm you wait for me.

You greet me in the morning, and when the sun goes down, you say good night, Bab. Coconut water. You quench my thirst, temporarily wetting my dry, battered tongue. Science has proven that you are wetter than water, naturally fat-free, low in carbs, and

that you have the same potassium as eight thousand bananas. You are sweet and nutritious. When I drink you, I feel healthy and superior to those who drink regular water. Inside you is contained the moist wisdom of tropical ancients. Cousin of the sun, daughter of Hanawele, and friend to those with great thirst. Coconut water, now that I have found you, I will never let you go. Wow.

Kind of a freeform. Oh, I worked very hard on that, no. Non-rhyming. Oh, I worked very hard on that, no. Non-rhyming. Oh, yeah, I stopped. My work these days is I've kind of moved beyond rhyming. It's sort of post- What were some of your early rhyming poems, do you remember?

They were just lists of words that rhymed. That's a good way to start. Door, floor, more, chore, whore, lore, what else? Sore. Uh huh. That was it. That was a short one. Okay.

And would you just kind of come up with the ones that you thought of or would you go to a place like rhymedictionary.com? What is that? Okay. Asked and answered. All right. So it is time, guys. We're here with Jon Hamm. Alright, so it is time guys. We're here with Jon Hamm, we're here with Bob Dilka, it's time to play a little game

we like to call What Am I Thinking? Oh Alright, it's time to play What Am I Thinking? and we all know how this is played. That's the music that plays when I dream, by the way. It's almost not worth going into the rules, but I will. We will, first of all, okay, the very important part of this is that we all decide who we're playing for, all right? We're all three of us going to play and we have to pick either a part of the country or someone beleaguered or just someone that you want to honor by playing for. So John, who would you like to play for today?

Obese Christians. Obese Christians. Bob Dooka, who do you like to play for?? John L. Obeese Christians. Jared L. Obeese Christians. Bob Duca, who do you like to play for? Bob Duca I'm going to have to say Dennis. Jared L. Okay. Traditionally, I play for Orange County. So, if you are either Orange County or Obeese Christian or Dennis, you have a dog in this hunt. So, let me explain how we play. We're going to pair off two at a time and separately in your minds only and not out loud we will think of a word.

Shoes. It can be, again not out loud. And it can be, it doesn't even have to be one word, it just has to be a thing. So if you were to say like, kun te kinte, that is, you know, it's two words but it's a thing, it could be a person, it just has to be a thing, right? Brown shoes. So, you're going to think of this silently, and then we will count down from three down to one, so you'll say, and you'll say this together, three, two, one, and then say the word, okay? They will probably be two very different words.

Then you will think of the word that both of those words have in common. Who goes first? Who guesses? Well, you will say three, two, one together and then say that word, say whatever word you were thinking of together, and then you'll continue to do it until you say the same word. Oh. All right? So, and the way to lose is of course if you stumble, if you pause and don't say a word at the same time, or if you wait until the other person speaks, something like that. It's very easy to play. I'll walk you through it. Bob, do you want to watch first or would you

like to play? Sure, sure. I'll watch. Okay, Bob, you're going to watch. So John and I will play. Are you locked in? Are you thinking of a word? I have a word. I have a word? Alright, let's gaze into each other's eyes. Are you ready to do that? Alright, here we go. And we will say this together out loud. Ready? Three, two, one, cork. President. Cork and president. Alright, so let's think about what- Did you say cork, like in the top of a bottle? Yes.

Not court. Yeah, correct. Yes. Cork and president. All right. Interesting. Um, all right. I have my word. Are you locked in?

Yes. All right. Here we go. Ready? Three, two, one, commissioner. Commissioner and Obama. Commissioner and Obama. All right.

I think I have my word. All right. John's taking a little bit, but that's okay. Oh, you're ready? All right, locked in. Here we go. Ready? Three, two, one, Carrick. President and what did you say? Carrick. Carrick. What is a Carrick? What is Carrick? Bernard Carrick. Oh, is he the Commissioner of Baseball? He was the Commissioner of the Police in New York City. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Commissioner. You said? I said president. Okay. Wow.

President and... Circular. ...and Carrick. President and Carrick. I have mine. Oh, boy. All right, let's go. Ready?

And... Three, two, one, Rudy Giuliani. Three, two, one, Rudy Giuliani. New York City and Rudy Giuliani. All right. And... Three, two, one, mayor. Three, two, one, governor. Oh, he was mayor.

Wait. All right. So mayor and governor. All right. Ready? Three, two, one, president. President John. Here we go. Three, two, one, Adams. Adams and Kennedy. All right. Three, two, one, president, one, VJ. President and VJ, ready? Three, two, one, Obama. Obama and Adam Curry, here we go. Three, two, one, president. Great people and president, and three, two, one, Obama.

George Washington. Obama and George Washington. Three, two, one, president. Oh, we did it! right, that was a tie. Ah, nice playing. Why didn't you guys say that right off the bat though? All right, so Bob, do you have a- Yeah, although for president and Adam Curry, I would have said JJ Jackson.

Okay, that's probably correct. All right, so now because we tied, the rules state that you have to take us on individually and you have to win both rounds, otherwise the final round will be between John and I. All right, so who do you want to take on first? I'll give it to you. I'll take on John. All right, John Hamm representing, what was it again? Obese Christians.

Obese Christians and Bob Dukkow representing Dennis. Here we go. Are you locked in? Have you locked in a word Bob? Yes. Okay and John? I will assume you are locked in. All right and commence. Three, two, one, coffee cake. Coffee cake and water bottle. Coffee cake and water bottle. There's a lot of commonality there so I think it should be relatively easy to do. All, are you ready? Alright. 3, 2, 1, Starbucks. Starbucks and breakfast, is that what you said, Bob?

Starbucks and breakfast, what do those have in common? Are you locked in? Starbucks and breakfast. Seems like they have something in common. 3, 2, one, muffin. Latte and muffin. I perhaps would have just stuck with coffee, but you guys getting a little specific. All right, latte and muffin. Here we go.

Three, two, one, Starbucks. All right. Wow. All right, so you've tied, so I'll consider that a win. So now you have to take me on. Okay. And if you either tie or win against me. I get to hang out with John in his car.

We'll have a three-way at the end. Oh. All right, here we go. Ready? Say, three-way or freeway? We're going to go riding on the freeway. Okay. Of love.

In a pink Cadillac. I happen to bring my pink Cadillac today. All right, let me think of a word. All right, got one. You locked in? Yeah. Here we go. And three, two, one, ream. Brown shoes.

Ream and brown shoes. All right. Ream and brown shoes. All right, Here we go. Three, two, one, Tassel. Brown Eye. Tassel and Brown Eye? Is that what you said? That's a new show on Fox, I think. Tassel and Brown Eye.

It's a sequel to Ten Speed and Brown Shoe. All right. Tassel and Brown Eye. All right. I have one. Tassel and Brown Eye. All right, I have one. Tassel and Brown Eye. All right, here we go. Three, two, one, Anilbeads. Anilbeads and Graduate. All right, I have mine. All right, are you ready?

Anilbeads and Graduate. Three, two, one, Great Present. Great Present and butt student. What is it? Great present and butt student. Okay. All right, here we go. Three two one, double ended dildo.

Double ended dildo and graduate. Graduate and double ended dildo. All right. What do they have in common? Oh, okay. All right, here we go. Third, third-ended dildo. Graduate and double-ended dildo. What do they have in common? Oh, okay. All right, here we go. Three, two, one, legal.

Sorority girl. Legal and sorority girl. What do they have in common? All right. Three, two, one, 18. Reese Witherspoon. 18 and Reese Witherspoon. Oh.

All right, here we go. Ready? Three, two, one, legally blonde. Three, two, one, election. Oh, that was great. Yeah, election would have been better. Okay, election and legally blonde. What do they have in common?

Ready? Three, two, one, Reese Witherspoon. We did it. Three ties all around. That means the final round is a freeway of love. In my pink Cadillac. Mm-hmm. So we're all all gonna lock in and save this together. We've had one three-way before, Doug.

Can you fit an adult car seat into your... It's a very big car. Okay, excellent. Engineer Doug, remind me, what were the rules when we did this before? Just, we're gonna go until... Okay, I forget. All right. I'm semi-making these up as we go.

Anyway, all right, so we all have to go until... Okay, I forget. All right. I'm semi-making these up as we go. Well, anyway. All right. So we all have to think of a word. And it can be anything. And all right. I have mine. John, are you locked in? I have mine.

And Bob, you're locked in. Here we go. Ready? Three, two, one, Eraser. Music. Eraser. Eraser. Polish.

And polish. Music, eraser, polish. Music, eraser, polish. What do they all have in common? Music, eraser, polish, and polish. Music, eraser, polish. Music, eraser, polish. What do they all have in common? Music, eraser, polish. Oh, yeah, alright. I have mine. Okay, yeah. Music, eraser, and polish.

Alright, I have mine. Are you locked in, Jon? Alright, and you're locked in, Bob? Alright, here we go. Ready? Three, two, one, Glee Club. Glee Mix. Okay, I said Pro Tools, what did you say? Glee Club.

Glee Club and Remix. Pro Tools, Glee Club, Remix. All right, I have mine. Here we go, ready? And three, two, one, AutoTune. John and I said AutoTune, we are the winners. Unfortunately, Bob, you are out of the running. That means obese Christians in Orange County,

two groups that have a lot in common, two groups whose circles overlap quite frequently are the winners, and that is how you play What Am I Thinking? Oh, are we on? Are we on mic? Are we talking? Ah, that is what am I thinking? That was exciting.

That was fun. We did it. The three way is the way to I thinking. That was exciting. That was fun. We did it. The three-way is the way to go sometimes. That's harder. That's way harder to come up with. But shouldn't you two then have to battle face to face off? I think we're done. We solved who won that. I'm just enjoying myself. I do not want this to end. Well, unfortunately, we have come to the end, Bob, unless you have anything else.

Well, I just have a theme song that I made for myself. Oh, okay. I'd love to hear it. First name Bob, last name Duke, hey, do you wanna be my friend? I feel like that kind of sums up. That's pretty good. Ardent Remixers out there, set to it. Get those pro tools and that auto tune going that we talked about earlier and put that to music and we'll play that next week. We've come to the end of the show, the only thing left to do is of course plugs. Plugs.

After a long day of 9 to 5 bullshit, you don't have time for a pussy beer. You need comedy death ray radio plugs. Goes down smooth like a Metamucil shit. That is from Eli Brayden, contributor to the show and funny guy in his own right. It sounds like a weird slam, but no, I mean that. He does his own right, happens to be writing funny songs. Thanks to him. If you have a Plugs theme, please send it to our Facebook page under the appropriate discussion thread. And John, what do you like to plug?

What do you got coming out? I know you just filmed a movie that you're very excited about. You're the producer and star. That will come out sometime probably in 2012. Gonna go to Sundance, all those kind of things. That kind of stuff. My girlfriend and I made it. She wrote it and directed it and we both started it with our friends, friend of the show Adam Scott. That's right. He'll be here soon, I hope. Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, one Megan Fox, Ed Burns, myself and Jen.

And that... Friends with Kids. It's an independent film film so it doesn't have a distributor yet. We should say Jen Westfeld. Writer and director. Writer, director, producer and star. And you may remember her from Kissing Jessica Stein. Absolutely. And 24 where she was clocking the dude who got his head cut off. Stan to Stan.

Yeah. And anything else you'd like to plug? Um, music video for band Herman Doom coming out. Uh, had a great experience in Austin shooting that. Really, really fun. And, uh, and in theaters, uh, next week? Sucker Punch. Oh, that's, I believe it's... Zack Snyder's, um, next movie.

With, uh, girls and machine guns and swords and dragons and stuff. This Friday is when it comes out. It's this Friday, you're right. We're a little, we may be taping this in the past It's a little hard to figure out. I can't quite figure it out. But yeah sucker But what do you do in sucker punch? Are you what level of the mysterious? Person who is talked about for much of the movie and then appears in the end. Oh boy So I have a lot. I don't have a lot of screen time is what I'm trying to say.

Now you work with this dude, the director of Sucker Punch, I can't remember his name. Zack Snyder. Zack Snyder, right? He's making Superman. Yes. And then all of a sudden you're not Superman. I mean, what the fuck? Well, um.

Like you worked with the dude. Yeah. You know, you have a relationship. I think that, I think it was never officially offered to me and had it been I don't think I would have taken it. Why is that? Come on, you'd make a great Superman.

Flying around and spinning webs and battling Batman. That's Superman and the Joker. I think they wanted to go a different way with it. I think they wanted to go much, much younger. Is the dude younger? Yeah, I think he's in his 20s. Is he really? Yeah.

Superman to me is like a dude your age, you know what I mean? Well that's uh you know there's there's that's kind of how I think of it too because I automatically think of Christopher Reeve who always seemed so much older. Yeah. But yeah whatever. Didn't want to don the tights? Pardon the pun Don. Yeah nobody looks good in tights. Bob's shaking his head at me. I expect more from you, son. All right, so Sucker Punch comes out this Friday. Make sure you check it out. And don't watch Superman.

Is that what you're saying? I'm not saying that. I think Zach will do an amazing job with it. You boycott Superman. No, I'm not saying that. That's what you're saying. Oh, okay. Well, I must be confused.

All right, Bob, what do you like to plug? Well, I'm excited about this. For one week only, I will be living in the park on the corner of Franklin and El Cerrito here in Hollywood, underneath the chess table. But isn't that a little dangerous for you? You have some problems there. Well, I got a line on a tarp. No, but I mean, with your addiction.

Well, this is, you know, I'm one of those people that, you know, like alcoholics who, they're not going to say, I'll never go into a bar again. It's just part of life and this is something I need to overcome. So this is going to be your Sober Valley Lodge. Mm-hmm. Okay. All right, so check out Bob there. And as for me, I'd like to plug at the upcoming Sasquatch Festival in Washington, I will be

doing the Scott Aukerman and Paula Tompkins show. We will be doing that on Memorial Day with special guests, musicians, all sorts of stuff. So I know tickets are sold out, but if you're going to Sasquatch, please come see us on Monday. And watch IFC, of course, Comedy Death Ray is all week on Monday, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.

I forget who is this week. And comment on this episode on EarWolf.com under the Comedy Death Rate page for this episode. And that does it guys. Thank you so much, Bob. Always great to see you. Uh huh. If you could just help me into John's car. That would be terrific. And John, great to see you. Do you need me to distract Bob here? No, no, no. We'll work it out one way or the other. We're going to hang.

We'll hang out. I'm going to get the adult seat installed. And we're going to... Do we have a helicopter theme, by the way? That is really super loud. That's the first time I believe we've had jets pass over and... We should have had this for my thing earlier. Oh yeah, for last week's Mike Detective episode. Guys, thank you so much. Great show.

I really appreciate you coming by and we will see you next week. Absolutely anytime, Scott. Maybe take a break for a little while, but we'd love to have you. Next week. This has been ComedyDot3 Radio. I'll see you next week. Thanks, bye!