Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Plan One: The Scrooge Gang (Jason Mantzoukas, Andy Daly)

Episode Date: January 8, 2026

Jason Mantzoukas aka The Dink Dink Man and Scott bro down for the 700th episode of Comedy Bang! Bang! Jason and Scott chat all about Frasier transcripts, eating bugs, and Easter Monday. Then, royal watcher Byron Denniston returns with explosive news regarding the latest royal family scandal. Originally released April 4, 2021. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, everyone. Scott Ackerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang, where we are re-releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, Bang, from behind the paywall. And, well, fans of Comedy Bang Bang know we have a big milestone episode coming up very soon, our 950th episode. And in anticipation of that, this week's bonus bang and the next few bonus bangs are in a series called Half a Hundo. We're going to revisit Landmark episodes where we broke off another 15. half a hundo, namely episode 700, 700, 750, and 800. Now, this episode is called Plan 1, the Scrooge Gang, and it was originally released on April 4th, 2021 as episode 700. And in this episode, I'm joined, of course, by Jason Manzukas,

and our guests are Royal Watcher Byron Deniston, poet laureate of the West Dalton Wilcox, pretzel maker August Lint. and Champion Water Skier Hot Dog, all played by Andy Daly. Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as other shows like CBB Presents,

Scott hasn't seen The Neighborhood Listen, College Town, so many other shows over there. Become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show we've ever done, ad-free new episodes, more original shows. You know, we're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang,

But until then, enjoy this bonus bang. I'm snug as a bug and a rug. Wrap me up. I'm an insect burrito. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to resubmit, re-my-tit for that catchphrase submission. I knew that would get an oh boy from our guest. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

How long until we're eating bugs? Real question. I don't know. For real. Like there is going to come a time where we are using bug proteins in our food. We need to stop eating meat upon, from the farting cows upon which tread upon this planet. Any of the cows, to be honest with you, the ones that fart and the ones that don't. No, the farts are the problem.

The methane. You keep saying that your dream job is cow fart inspector? Yes, collector, collector, not inspector. Is that why you keep ordering mason jars? These are just jars from my friend Mason, by the way. These are not like official mason jars. Um, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. By the way, we, uh, this is episode seven hundred. Incredible. A little under 12 years ago, we started this show. And, uh, this is the 700th

episode. We are closing out another hondo. Of course, we're not breaking off another hondo. That will be next week. But, uh, an incredible achievement, uh, in podcasting, other than most podcasts that started around the same time, I've done it way earlier. But yes, we're doing good. So, oh, who cares about the timing, you know, to achieve this is no small feat. No small feet. And speaking of no small feet, here's the guy with big ones and you know what that means. He is in the movie John Wick 3, where he plays the TikTok man. He, of course, he was on our comedy bang bang. I was a comedy death rate. He was in our comedy bang bang live tour episode from Chicago where he played the dink.

ding-dink man. Dink-Tick, Mr. Wig. Wait, is the D-D-Dick man in the John Wicker's? Listen, chapters four and five of John Wicker shooting is the Dink-Dick man in? I won't. I'm neither here, I'm neither confirming nor denying that the D-D-Dick-D-D-D-Mobile. You know what? You don't print that.

Okay, I will not print that, yes. But for real, D-D-D-D-D-Witch. This is the one part. I know every, yes, D-T-D-D-D-Wick. Every week we send out the thing. the transcripts of the show for our hearing impaired listeners. Yep. And so this unfortunately will not be in that transcript.

There will just be a big black bar. Cutting it from the transcript. And you know what? It's been like, you know that you can get transcripts for any TV show. Of course. Yes. Not just Oprah. I've been reading all of Frazier and it's so fun.

It's so eruditely written. It's so fun to read Frazier transcripts. I mean, the actors did a good job. We're not discounting them. You know, I don't even know. I don't even know who the actors on the show were. I've just cast it myself in my mind. Would it surprise you to learn that one of them was Kelsey Grammer?

Oh, my. That is interesting. The character Frazier from Cheers? Yes, that's the same Frazier. Wait, so Frazier in the TV show is related to Frazier from Cheers. Well, he's not just related, my dear boy. He is the one and the same. He is the exact same human being, although.

Blown out. Blown away, man. Yeah, it's incredible. Mind blown. They never do bring that up in any of the episodes. do they he's just kind of there in seattle and they're like you all know what they do every once in a while he will reference um one of his pals an old haunt that i used to or exactly an old friend once told me or i used to have a local bar kind of thing you know he the other thing about fraser and i don't want to

get too into the weeds on fraser before i introduce you but um he used to drink he was basically a functioning alcoholic on that show as everyone on cheers was miserable he was a miserable individual Yeah. So he's there at a bar literally every afternoon. He sees his last patient at like 2.30. And then he's like, well, time to go. Hit Cheers. And he stays there all fucking night. He gets to Seattle. You never see him drink ever again. No, he drinks like wine with Niles. He's like he's got it. But yes, you're right. He does not. There isn't a bar. Interestingly, the only bar inside the Frasier universe is, his father's regular bar, Dukes, which is, which is another blue-collar bar. But he never goes to Dukes, does he? Frasier, because, like, suddenly... He only goes once. There's a very, there's a, there's an episode of Frazier where the dad invites the boys to get a drink at Dukes and the boys lose their minds because they're like, dad's never asked us to get a drink before. How many pages was that one?

That one? I read that one recently and it was, you know, they're all, they're all about like 40 pages or so. Um, anyway, so they all go. go to Dukes and the dad really welcomes them and it's very heartfelt. But why would a guy move to Seattle and then change his everything about his whole life? Because if I'm a guy who goes to a bar every single day around 3 o'clock

in the afternoon, every day of my life, do I stop going to bars when I moved to Seattle? Just because it's different, it's a different city? I mean, here's the thing. Yes, if a different set of writers write that show. Oh, okay. I got to get a different set of writers to write my show

in my life. Your life. You'll life needs, by the way, by the way, your life needs new writers. It's like, truly does. I mean, everything going on in the world is super interesting and my life is very, very boring. Because your life is like a lot about blogs. It just feels old. It feels like it's, it feels like your writers, your writers don't know any contemporary stuff. But for real, how long until we're eating bugs? I really want to know. I feel like it's coming. You say we all are eating bugs. Do you mean every human being on earth or do you just because there are a lot of people who do eat bugs. No, no, no, I'm saying it will be, yes, no, I know there are people and cultures that

continue to eat bugs and that's that that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about like, you know, having flour that is made of pulverized bugs, having, you know, like that is going to be, I think as we try and move away from. Some of the things that we eat, I never would have thought we would have eaten when I was a kid. Uh, pussy. I was like, never in my life will I ever do that. But then you develop a taste for it. But you have.

You developed a taste for it. No, I mean, you know, I grew up the child of very simple descendants of farmers. How long until we're all eating pussy? Every morning you start off. I have a cup of Joe. A couple of bugs and some pussy. And a play of pussy. this is a dream life i don't know who knows who knows what changes will uh make a french

press grill up a couple of roaches and shout down on some pussy still going on this great this might be the pilot episode of talking tang i think we might be in talking tang we're just going to slowly segue we have been over the past 12 years into talking tang uh you know him of course from such movies as the dictator can't remember any other ones you've all already given credits. You're going to give more credits now. Sure. Okay. Just to reframe exactly who's talking. Look who's talking as well. You've seen him and look who's talking where he played a baby Bruce Willis. A lot of people don't know that. You were the baby, the Bruce Willis voiced and look who's talking three. Yeah, I played the baby at that point. Yeah. I was young enough to be the baby that,

you know, and it's, here's a behind the scenes. I recorded at the time all those lines. And so, but I was, they just voice recast me with Bruce Willis. Seems like they would have, it's not too far off to think that they would have gone with a guy who did number one and number two. And I did both of those in my diaper every day on set. Wow. Okay. There we go.

But also release the Manzukas cut, you know. Yes, of course. Of course. Yeah. Of look who's talking. Look is talking three with Manzukas's baby. You know, there is a look who's talking three. It's called look who's talking.

who's talking as well or also, and it's about the dog starts talking. Right, yeah. No, I mean, So number two is they introduce Rosea O'Donnell, yeah, but in the one that you did, the dogs are talking as well. The dogs are talking as well. Yeah, it's like, well, because they had to continually answer the question, look who's talking now.

Can you believe? And if they keep going logically, we're going to get to a point where, like, inanimate objects are going to have to start talking. The bugs will start talking as we put them into our mouths. As we pulverize them, as we pulverize them into it, exactly. I don't know. I think bug flour would be fine. I mean, all that's going to take is one time for people to actually taste it and be like,

yeah, this is fine. And then the nutritional value. Yeah, exactly. The nutritional value will, you know, and then people will just be into it. In a way that, like, alternative milks have now, now it's an episode of dripping milk. Wow. This is like all the hits. This is definitely dripping milk.

Yeah, we mentioned pussy, pee, poo, and now, I mean, this is already solid stuff. Anyway, but alternative milks have like really made a dent in the marketplace in a way that, you know, 12 years ago or whatever, a number of years ago, it was like a joke. Even four years ago, it was a little like, you know, I don't even know what I'm saying. What are you saying? Four years ago, what was it? Nothing. Four years ago, what?

Four years is nothing in the blip of it. Four years. I've lost track of all time at this point. Yes, we're living in the blip. We're living in the Marvel. We're in the Marvel Blip. What if this was the blip? What if this was the blip?

Suddenly everyone, no one just disappeared from consciousness. They just went to an alternate reality where some weirdo is president and can I ask you a question? What if this is not? What if this is episode 700 of comedy blip bang? Oh no. Please don't tell me that.

Comedy blip bang is like a podcast that exists in the blip. Please tell me comedy bang bang exists in the real world, please. We don't know because we're still in the blip. I'm not wasting my entire life. Comedy blip bang. Welcome back to comedy blip bang as well. We're just almost every other word is bleeped. But you know him from such movie.

Look, I'm running out of credits. What have you done? You know him from the league of their own. There's no crying in fantasy football. How many times did anyone try to slip that into a scene? and the creators are like, hey, could you guys cut it out? I think never.

All right, let's just introduce him right now. You know I'm from being on the show right now. Please welcome Jason Medzukas. Thrilled. Thrilled. Wonderful to have you, of course. I love to have you on the Hondos. And would it surprise you to know

that today is Easter Monday? That does surprise me, yes. Yes, I was surprised that there is a thing that is Easter Monday. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't even know Easter Monday was a thing. I thought you were just like mentioning it's the Monday after Easter. It popped up on my calendar and I think I have a setting on my calendar of like list all

holidays and Easter Monday is today, which makes me believe it's a post office holiday maybe just more of a federal kind of thing. So it's it doesn't it doesn't connote there isn't like a religious component of Easter that happens on Monday. Yeah, what happened the day after he, you know, push that stone aside and was like, I'm back baby was he like chilling on monday like okay now it's time for some netflix and chill hey of course i mean you know stone age netflix or buy oh you sure he said i'm back baby i thought he said somebody stop me and they're like do we need to crucify this guy again

i mean he did i because i think you're confusing it because i do know that when he was on the cross he did say i'll be back he truly did and that was the first time he'd ever said it and it was funny and then he kind of ran it into the ground after that. Yeah. But how many days was it that he was outside of that cave and then until he like floated up into the sky? Well they they put him in

they put him in the cave and they put a rock over it and then three days later they pushed they put a ring on it. They put a ring on it. Yeah. And then three days later yeah three days later on Sunday they opened it up and he was gone. Died on a Friday. I feel like this is Solomon Grundy. Died on a Friday. Rose

on a Sunday. On Monday, he hung out. Yeah. On Monday, I think he broed down. I think it was, I think it might have been a bro-down-ho-down. It certainly may be, which you know, you and I definitely have to do. I think this may be a bro-down-howed-down. I mean, so far, it's basically a bro-down.

The only things we haven't talked about, which we always threatened to, is comics. We can't talk about comics, though. We don't have time to do that. No one wants to hear us talk about comic books in a weekly show. We'll save it for our episode of We talking. C-Bs to C-B-B-P-P-P-P-R-C-Bs. Well, Jason, it's always great to have you, especially on a holiday like this one,

and April is among us, certainly, and... April is among us. And Morch is in the rear view, of course, and we no longer have to worry about that. Are you excited for the world to open back up? It seems like we're on the cusp You know, I am cautiously optimistic.

You know, I think on one of my, one of our last in-person, one of my last in-person activities was an episode of comedy bang-bang-bang, I feel like. I believe it was. That was episode 650, I believe, which we- Inside the Earwolf Studios. Yes, which we taped mere days before lockdown. And I was consumed with the fact that we were going into lockdown. I didn't believe you. We were like, Jason, you hypochondriac. Yep. You guys mocked me. And I was like, just you wait, you'll see. And I tapped my

fingertips together. And we mocked your physical appearance, too, more than just what you were saying. We were like, we sort of got Lorenzo Llamas with you. We got like a laser pointer and we're like pointing out parts of your body that we didn't like. Is that a thing? There was a reality show where Lorenzo Llamas, like, people stripped. It was, I think it was hot or not, baby, where people stripped down to their underwear. and then the judges would like have laser pointers and Lorenzo Llamas was one and he would point out parts of their body which were too fat or too weird shaped or something. Got it, got it, got it.

Why are you on eBay right now? Looking for old episodes. Okay, and you said hot or not. And okay, great. There is a hot or not laser pointer. I just ordered it by it now. Anyway, I can't remember what we were just saying. Well, we were talking about the world opening

but what's the first thing you're going to do? I think, you know what I mean? I think it's going to be, much as I was very conservative about, I think we're going to go into a very long lockdown, I'm still pretty conservative about how we're going to open up. I still think, you know, they just found a new mutant variant.

They just found a new mutant sunspot and Wolfsbane and Cannonball are going to check it out. Bill St.kevich is working in the character design right now. This is Comic Talk. That's right. Of course we can't do this. We cannot continue with this. No, no. No one wants to hear that from us. We're not talking about the demon bear saga. No, why would we? That's not what people want to listen to. But I think the role, I think reentry is going to be slow. I think, you know, even though things are now open, I'm not going to go to the movies yet. I'm not going to go, I'm not going to go nuts. It's, I don't feel like it's, there's still. You're not going to go crazy go nuts. There's still lots of people who aren't vaccinated. The virus. is still going to circulate, even if you have been vaccinated, you can still get it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So what I'm excited to do is sit in like the backyard once.

You can do that now. I don't like to. I don't like you. You don't like sitting in the backyard, but you're looking forward to it? I'm looking forward to sitting in the backyard. No, no, I don't like to. I wouldn't do it right now, I mean. With friends.

With friends. That's what I'm saying. You didn't let me finish. I was, yes, I was making the joke that I wasn't letting you finish. inside. I see, I see, I see. One of your classic jokes. I'm looking forward to this being over and you understanding things that I'm saying.

Listen, I'm looking forward to this being over i.e. life. Well, you know, we only have a short time on this planet. Tomorrow is not promised. A tiny speck. A tiny speck on this beautiful. You know, when you look at I don't know, clouds or whatever. No, clouds

clouds. Cloubts. Far shorter than we do, right? Well, you could be a clouds, you know. you could is that an option you could be a cloud if you are talking about cumulus nimbus you might be a cloud oh my god that is you've i mean i know i say this a lot privately and publicly you need to get back to stand up i really really you need to re-engage this by the way jason and i talk every single week on a zoom and this is us like running out of things to say.

This is just it. Unless, really. This is what it is every week. This is what it is. It's just tormenting each other. No one wants to hear these weekly zooms we have. So we're not even going to put those out.

Especially not if we're talking about like hellboy or invincible or moon night or any of that. But I will say, Jason, you were the person who when all of this first started happening and you were one of the last episodes to tape in the studio, number 650, which I believe had. Dalton Wilcox and August Lint and Hogg and, oh, I shouldn't say his name. I retract that. But you were, I was sort of of the opinion of like, what do you think this will be like? Devin, can you bleep out that name in the edit, please? Yeah, we can't say hoffog, of course. Oh, bleep up there too.

So just keep bleeping it there. We'll just keep bleeping it. Otherwise, he'll show up. But you, I said, are you still working on that song? Keep bleeping it? Keep bleeping it. It's all about a song where there's a lot of curse words. And I'm pleading with the engineer.

Please. Please keep believing it. Please. I know what I'm saying is egregious. So I'm going to need you to keep bleeping it. We have no plans to release the unbleeped cut. So please keep leaping. The chorus is keep bleeping it.

But you were, I said, what do you think this will be like six weeks? Two months were back in. And you were one of the only people I knew who was like, oh, no. This is going to be like, we're in for a year. at least. And so you were one of the people that made me take this seriously and sort of mentally prepare

to hunker down. And look at me, and it's been now more than a year. It's crazy. More than a year. But I do think, and I don't want to sound like a real downer, because I do actually genuinely believe we are the worst, barring

some kind of outrageous thing that we just don't see coming. I do think we're on the other side of it. I think the worst is behind us. There is, actionable light at the end of the tunnel. There would have to be something truly nutrages to happen. Yes. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. You know, I listen to the news or I turn on the news every day just expecting them to say

something nutrageous has arrived. And, you know, while they snack on that candy by telling us about. First news anchor to substitute the word nutrageous for outrageous wins, as far as I'm concerned. What do they win, though? Tell them what they win. I'm not quite sure. Let's see. We've given away memberships for life to CISO on this show before. Oh, that's smart. CISO's life, not your life. Well, Jason, it's wonderful to have you on this show. Hashtag, release the CISO cut.

Seriously, release all the CISO shows. That's actually a hashtag. That is actually a hashtag. I would love to get going. Jason, it's wonderful to have you on the show. Thank you, Scott, for having me. Goodbye. We had, no, no, I want you to stay here. We, of course, cannot do a true bro-down, Hohdown because we have another guest booked. And I hope that's okay with you. But, and I don't think that you have ever met this person if I'm remembering correctly, which, you know, who knows of that is what is occurring right now. But he is a, I mean, I guess there's no other way to describe him other than the way than the way he describes himself, which is a royal watcher.

He's from Mary Old England, the United Kingdom. kingdom. He is a citizen of that country that has brexited so recently. Please welcome to the show and for the first time meeting Jason Manzukas, please welcome to the show, Byron Deniston. Yes, hello, gentlemen. Hello, lads. How are you over there? As we say across the pond, yes, coming to you from London. That's funny because it's an ocean, but you guys call it a pond like it's a little pond thing. Yes, precisely. It's a bit, it's a bit of humor. you know, with a you, with a you. Absolutely.

We spell the word correctly with an O and a U and then, of course, the R, which we both agree upon. What do you think that was when people came over to America, they were like, I'm tired of not being able to be, you know, worship the way that I want to worship. I'm tired of taxes. And I want to drop these superfluous U's in some words, not all words. That's correct, yes. I think the American simply didn't understand why you might have a U. there, the Americans are not very complex or nuanced thinkers. Well, they weren't always America. What about these people, they started as you?

I feel like they were stripping it down. I feel like they were like stripping it down to its essentials. They were like, we don't need the U's. We're just fine with these O's. You can see that they were just very confused. You know, we didn't, a lot of them were kicked out of England, you know, for being weird in one way or another, you know, terrible or stupid or hideous in some way. I didn't know that. I thought that they just had sort of an independent end and streak that most Americans have had passed down to them. But they were weirdos. They were like UK weirdos?

Yes, yes. That was the idea. You'll sort of tell yourself stories that your nation was founded by the sort of the most romantically rebellious of people of Europe who've come to America. But it isn't really that way. It was more that the more that the Brits sort of said, we're tired of these weirders, put them on a ship and send them. and knowing that most of them will die in transit,

which in fact they did, and that those that survived the trip will be slaughtered by the indigenous peoples and whatnot, and they'll be surprised by winter. Do you know how many of the early settlers of the Americas were surprised by winter? I mean, winter happened in the UK, so why would they be so surprised?

Good question. And yet again and again, they were. They suddenly said, well, we haven't got any food, have we? Because it's winter and it won't grow. When did they land? Did they land in the springtime or something? And so they had like, they were like, this is beautiful here. And then suddenly six months later.

I believe they got there just as fall was turning. Oh, it's really enjoying a beautiful time to be in New York. Just, you know, because I think a lot of people don't know the first settlers that came were the original leaf peepers. They were like, oh, we've got to go see the leaves change color. It's so beautiful. Yes. So half of them died on the trip. and then about a quarter of them

was slain by indigenous peoples Okay, so we're talking to, there's a rough 25% who are, who've made it there to Plymouth Rock. Precisely. And they said to themselves, well, all right, here it is, you know, October, whatever, November, let's get to planting.

And then in comes the frost, which they absolutely did not anticipate. These are stupid people. Like, why didn't they leave earlier and start planting so that when they got there it was spring and they're like, okay, Let's start now. And then they would have food everywhere. Because they were stupid, Scott, is my point.

Byron, I'm curious. Yes, yes. Just on a, because Scott introduced you before as a royal watcher. Yes. And we find ourselves right now in broiled, in royal broiled. Indeed. In a, in quite a scandal. And as someone who is not dialed into that at all, this is not my area of knowledge, I'm curious.

I'm actually grateful you're here because I've heard it. mentioned anecdotally on some po on some um zooms i've been on and so forth so i'm actually really grateful that you can help us understand what has happened uh with this uh the royals and the megan markle and prince harry scandal and byron you've been on the show before and you've let us in on the comings and the goings of the palace indeed uh i seem to remember wasn't it you talking about how uh uh the king was a stutterer and he had to to give a big speech oh no that's the King's speech. I was getting you confused with a movie. You're confusing me with a fine Oscar-nominated film.

So it's not Oscar winning, though. Were you upset about that? About that it did not win the Oscar? Yeah. Yes, in fact, yes. And ever since then, I've not watched the Oscars. I was going to say a movie. What is your opinion, Byron, about the Netflix series, The Crown, which is itself. Is it accurate? Is it what you've seen over there? No, it's absolutely absurd.

It's a complete fiction. It's ridiculous. The people on the... What you have on that show, gentlemen, is people depicted, but not by, the actual people who they're meant to be. In other words, I believe that they've cast actors in most of the roles. Most of the roles have been cast with actors.

Yes. No, no. It's not a documentary. Right, right. Exactly. It's a fictional narrative that... There you are. Based upon true events.

But based upon true events, as we understand them, Well, it's absurd. It's absolutely terrible. Do you think they should have cast Prince Charles as Prince Charles? Well, they should have at least made the offer. And I know for a fact. He is offer only. He is offer only.

Yes, I know for a fact that Charles in particular is a bit sore about that. That at no time was he approached to play himself. And who better. Who better as the guy who lived it? Indeed. And he can look quite young, you know, if that was the issue. How do you mean? How can he look quite young? Well, he makes himself look quite young?

Are you saying in the, like, how Martin Scorsese and the Irishman de-aged some of his older star? He made everyone have young faces, and yet they still have the same creaky old bodies and are moving around. Still carrying themselves like elderly men. Yes, I thought that was a powerful statement on the nature of aging. Okay, so you haven't seen that movie. It was intentional, yes. Well, sometimes late at night Prince Charles will get a sort of a contraption going where he

tapes his excess skin behind his ears, and he'll sort of brush some hair dye into his hair and dye his eyebrows, and he'll dance about. And he looks very young and virile. How do we know this? Because I haven't seen this in any of the gossip rags, like the sun and all that. How do you know this? I didn't know this was an official thing that happens with Prince Charles. Well, I have Sources and methods that are, shall I say, rather unconventional. Oh, that's right. I'm sort of remembering you in previous episodes. What are those, or I guess we don't.

Do you have like informants in like the staff at the castle or something like that? Of course, yes. I also am very familiar with the system of dumb waiters and we're very often simply, I'm literally in the walls a lot of the time. I thought you said you're familiar with the sister of dumb waiters. I was trying to figure that out. but it's a system of dumb waiters. So you're saying, My brother is a dumb waiter.

He does really well for himself. You know what? You should meet my sister. What's she do? She's a dumb waiter. Oh, I think that's rude. She's a dumb waitress. So do you use, I mean,

you're saying you're inside the walls. Are royal residences full of portraits with those empty eye holes that you can kind of look through? Yes. they do, but these people are extremely intelligent and perceptive, and so when you're done looking through the empty eye holes of a

portrait, you must replace the eyes. With painted eyes or with someone like human eyes? No, well, of course they have to be humanized because when my eyes are in there, they're human eyes. Yes, the point of it is to be consistent. You can't just replace it with painted eyes. No, no, no, no. No, people would notice the difference.

They'd say earlier, that painting was looking at me with human eyes, and now it's looking at me with painted eyes. And you know, whenever you see a piece of taxidermia or something like that, it has glass eyes. And the reason for that is that eyes will decompose. And so I have to go, I'm acquiring eyes all the time. I can only imagine that if one were to exhume Sammy Davis Jr's grave, everything would be gone by now other than just that glass eye at the bottom of his coffin.

Wouldn't that be wonderful? Now, Byron, I'm curious about something, I am curious about something you just mentioned about how you are constantly collecting eyes. Yes. Oh, yeah, I guess I just didn't really, I wanted to make my Sammy Davis Jr. Yes. I didn't really listen to that. Yeah, you're collecting eyes? You know what?

We're doing both. I let you have your Sammy Davis Jr. moment. But I'm curious about these eyes that you are, quote, constantly collecting. Yes. Well, you see, there are, I don't even know the number. Scores and scores of portraits through which I will occasionally peep at the various, at Balmoral, of course, portraits, and it winds a castle, and all the various royal residences. And so I need a steady stream of actual human eyes coming into my operation in order

to stay well-informed on the goings-on of the royal family. And so I have arrangements with certain hospitals if someone has died and if they're not an organ donor. How often do people not die in a hospital? It seems like every day. Yes. We say if someone dies in a hospital. Not to be morbid, but this year must have been gangbusters for your eye business. It has been fantastic. And as a matter of fact, I've got now a freezer full of eyes. Whoa, a whole freezer. Yes, yes. Byron.

Yes, it's a commercial freezer, you understand. Oh, commercial grade? Yes, this is a commercial grade freezer. Like a restaurant grade freezer? That's what I mean, yes. A restaurant. Wow. Is it a walk-in?

Is it a walk-in? Yes, it's a walk-in? Yes, it's a walk-in? Wow. A freezer in my home. Mind-blown. Full top to bottom. And I wish that I had started putting them in boxes or something like that.

Wait, they're loose? So they're just loose. Wait, so you don't even have them. coded by color? No, no. And I wish that I had begun that way. So when you open the door, does it just like, a steady stream of eyeballs? So when you pick, okay, so now I have a real question by it. When you pick an eye, yes. And let's say you pick up an eye and it's a blue eye. Sure. Do you think I need to go through this freezer and find its matching blue eye or will you just take any other blue eye or will any other color do? Well, in actuality, because my eyes are blue and it's my

eyes peeking through the painting all of the eyes all the eyes are blue the eyes are blue that's simpler yes it is simpler however there are of course different shades of blue and and i will sometimes spend hours looking for just the just the right combination you're trying to get an exact match yeah so are is there ever a time when when you call up these hospitals and you say hey any blue eyed patients in there about to croak and they're like no we got this one guy he's got blue eyes but he's probably going to get better do you ever try to, I don't know, is there some sort of deal you can work out with them to nudge them along? Yes, but I prefer

not to do it because it's very expensive. You know, it's one thing to ask someone, you know, to pay someone to please get me the eyes of a cadaver. It's another proposition to say, please kill this patient so I may have their eyes. And it's not that it can be done. Yes, yes. It's just that

it is quite a bit more expensive. So how are the relatives of these people who die? Why are they not noticing it in open casket situations, I guess are all, I guess dead bodies do have their eyes closed, don't they? And now the few times I've been to funerals, they always have, that would be very strange if they're just looking up at you.

If they were just like placed in a, placed in an upright position, eyes open. What if they're in the Bert Reynolds, Cosmopolitan position with a bag over their penis? Yes, they never do it, no. But you can take a cotton ball and stick it in there. then sew the eyelids shut. Oh, and that makes it, that gives the bulge, because you need the bulge, right? You'd rather have the bold, yeah. Yeah, because I guess without the eyeball, you have it like a sunken in socket, and that's

very noticeable. Nobody wants a sunken socket. No, certainly not, no. But anyway, yes, those are my sources and methods. Another thing I'll do sometimes is disguise myself. For instance, there was a photo that made the rounds of Queen Elizabeth's husband, Prince Philip, coming back from the hospital and looking rather old and rather ill. but that wasn't him.

It was me. Wow. Yes, indeed, but makeup. And I've been, you know, loitering about the Buckingham Palace, posing as a gravely ill, elderly man. So what happened to the real Prince Philip? Well, let's just say his eyes are peeping out of a painting. Whoa! Windsor Castle right now.

Dead ass? I beg you pardon? Are for real? For real, yes. His eyes are very close. and shade to my own. Oh my God. That is incredible.

Who's your makeup artist? Is it like a Rick Baker situation, or are you applying this yourself? No, I won't apply it myself. Wait, so are you currently impersonating, Philip? Yes, I'm currently impersonating. All the time. Well, yes, a lot of the time, yes. Wow.

So that's got to be also like a pretty significant time commitment. Well, I mean, you know, Eddie Murphy and the nutty professor chair, that took hours. Are you doing the same kind of thing? And who's applying it to you? I mostly keep it on. I've got a team of makeup specialists. Yes, a team of makeup specialists who've been flown in from Bollywood, as a matter of fact.

I brought them from. Oh, okay. Yes, I didn't want them to be, you know, too familiar. To know too much about what's going on. That's right. I wanted them to be confused because, of course, I'm telling them. Do they think that this is some sort of interesting project? Yes.

An actual movie they're making? Do they think, is it possible? they think they're working on the crowd? Who knows what they think? They speak some other strange language. But yes, and, but I,

the answer is that I rarely take the makeup off and I'm just there all the time. I don't, I don't have it on now and it will have to be reapplied tomorrow. And right now, the only reason I can talk to you is because they feel that...

They went out to a movie? No, no, no, well, Prince Philip has a habit of wandering off. And so right now, I dare say, everyone at Buckingham Palace is in a tither. Oh, you just wandered off to your podcast studio? They just assumed he's on a wander. Yes, he's wandered off, yes.

Oh, well, thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate it. I mean, this is. My pleasure. And I am very much in demand as a royal watcher with an inside information. Oh, I can only imagine. I mean, Jason, yeah, Byron here appears on telly shows and what else is you say? What you might call chat shows in the UK? Yes, that's right.

chat shows and whatnot, yes. So you're very busy. Presenters. It'll be me and a presenter on a chat show. Right, instead of a... At the weekend. Sure, like you and a, you and like an Alan Partridge might have a conversation in front of a crowd. I like, I like how English shows all have like very strange old-timey names, like the old gray whistle test.

Oh, yes. It's so strange to me. Yes, that's a fine show, yes. What are some other popular shows that are out there? Oh, sometimes I'll appear on the rusted board. The rusted board? The rusted board, which is really strange because when you think of a board, it's wood. So how could it rust?

Exactly, exactly. And that's what people gets people tuning in every week. That's why you tune in. And yet everyone in the country watches these. Yes, yes. Tens of millions of people every week. The sunken doorknob. The sunken doorknob.

So how does anyone open the door? Yes, yes, exactly. You've got to tune in and find out. Wow. Well, I know you're very in demand, but look, we have to take a break if that's okay. Can you stick around and we want to ask you questions about what's going on with the royal family right now? Now that we know your process. I have explosive news for you. Whoa. This is incredible.

And exclusive. Okay. This is exclusive. You haven't shown this with any other podcast. Exclusive and explosive. You were not on WTF earlier in the day with this? No, he wouldn't. me. Oh, okay. You haven't been on any other podcasts talking about this.

I have not. This is the first time. But this comes out on Monday. April 5th, yes. April 5th, yes. I may squeeze in something more immediate. Please don't. It's just an exclusive.

Well, we'll see how it goes. All right. Well, we need to take a break. When we come back, we will have more from Byron Deniston with this explosive news. As long as it's not, wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Yes, please. Please, please don't go on. Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me.

I love wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. I really think I would get five for five in the news quiz. Please don't. Please, please, don't tell me. It's wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. All right, but please, please stick around. We will be right back with more Byron Deniston. More Jason Manzukas.

We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang, Bang, 700 after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang, we're back here with Jason Manzukas of the Massachusetts Manzukas. Yes. That's difficult to say even one time, let alone five times and fast. Well, give it a try. I can't even start Massachusetts Manzookas is Massachusetts Manzookas

Can't do it Can only make it through too It's tough Tough tough Now you gotta eat those bugs Eat those bugs Eat those bugs I mean that was a thing on fear factor

Just eight years ago And suddenly next year we're all gonna be eating bugs Well but that was like eating live bugs You know I mean like I'm talking about when will To be clear I'm talking about when will bugs be a part of our like of our how we make. Yeah, like you keep

bugs in the refrigerator. I'm not saying we're going to open up like a box of live, you know, earwigs and start chomping down on it. It does make for a very different bugs life franchise. Oh yeah. It's a Pixar short. They're in danger of being eaten the entire time.

Munch, munch, munch, nom, nom. We also have Byron Deniston here, who is a royal watcher. He's from the UK. And how was that Brexit for you, by the way? Brexit. Well, I thought it was fine, you know. It's the British exit is what I'm talking about for people who don't know what it is. Yes, yes, indeed.

You know, Britain is obviously superior in every way to every other nation of Europe and the rest of the world. And so it made perfect sense to me not to be lumped in with the rest of them, you know. Right, yeah. Because you guys use the pound. You don't use the euro. Yes. I think that's a euro, like it was a sandwich, but it's a euro. Ooh, I'm hungry, too. Yes. Well, that has been a real problem with the currency.

There's a lot of people think they can pay with euros, and they can't, can they? It's a, it's a euro. Well, it's a kind of under the table thing. I spent some time in London last year, and you can pay for a lot of things with a lamb year. As long as it's lamb. As long as it's lamb. With some Suzuki on it. Hey, now we're getting into Jason's heritage here, the Massachusetts Manzukas.

Now, Byron, before the break, you said you had some explosive news and people have sat through me doing terrible, terrible ad reads, of course, a award nominated ad reads, but they've, they've sat through that. Were you nominated for an adie? I truly was. And I'm Addy. But people have endured this, Byron. They've sat through all this.

They've been on the edge of their seats. lot of people who are not normal comedy bang bang listeners who are only tuning in because they are they are royals watchers absolutely royals fans what's a clips you're a royal watcher so what's a royal fan like who what do they have a name for the people who follow the royals normal people of england okay every citizen everyone i'm sure that that uh news programs will be taking clips of this episode and playing them starting probably about now They absolutely will, yes. So, and this will be newsworthy, and this will be broadcast around the world.

So don't let that get you nervous at all, but millions, if not billions of people will be listening to this episode starting about right now. So, Byron, hit us with this explosive news. What is going on with the Royals? Well, all right, here we go. As you know that American Megan Markle and the poor man that she's led astray, Prince Harry. Megan Markle from suits. Yes. The woman from suits, the suits princess.

They gave an interview and absolutely infuriated the royal family, absolutely disgusted and infuriated. And they are very angry with the entire public for everything that they're reading about themselves and furious. And so they have, I have now learned, ever since I've been sort of posing as Prince Philip and Buckingham Palace. They've begun talking about instituting, Plan one. And this is something they've been talking about all the time. Plan one, plan one, plan one.

And I have finally determined what precisely plan one is. Wow. And it is going to absolutely change all of your lives starting now. Are you ready? And they've been saying they're going to put this into action at some time. Has there been conversations of like, should we really do plan one and people debating it? There's been a lot of that. And there's been a lot of phone calls and meetings and Zoom.

calls and whatnot. How did they start Plan 1? Is it like a double key situation where two people are 20 feet apart and they have to simultaneously turn two keys? A Plan 1 will, everyone has to converge upon the Netherlands as step one of Plan 1. Oh my gosh.

Everyone, everyone in the royal family or everyone in the world? Allow me to explain. Please, please continue. All of the royalty of Europe, that means absolutely everyone who is tight. Throughout Europe is going to converge upon the City Hall in Alphen Andan Rine,

which is a building that looks like a spaceship and is a spaceship, gentlemen. Whoa, it looks like one and is one. And it is one. The City Hall in Alphen Andan Rine. Because, you know, you're talking City Hall. At City Walk, there's a big spaceship that crashed into one of the restaurants there. That's not a real spaceship. Oh.

Yeah, it's just a fake one. This is a real one. Shall I share my screen with you, gentlemen, and show you that. I'm looking at it. I'm looking at a picture. I googled it, but please share it because I'm not finding a very good picture. Share it with all of our listeners, too. So if you're listening to this podcast right now, you'll suddenly share a screen with us.

Yes. Wow, that looks like a Disney Hall-ass building or something. That does. That looks like the ship that the Mandalorian uses. It truly does, yeah. Or the Mandalorian, depending on who you are. The, uh, what's that dude who had the mandolin from movies? Um, from movies?

Yeah, there was a guy who had a mandolin in a movie. Captain Corelli? Captain Corelli, that's the guy. Is that right, Captain Corelli's mandolin? Captain Corelley's mandolin, yes. Dude loved his mandolin. He did. This is right here.

This is, this is the spaceship that we'll be taking all the royals. And as it blasts off into the heavens, it will fire several nuclear weapons. which will destroy the entire planet of Earth. Whoa. Only the royals will get away. Only the royals will survive. Yes, indeed. Do they get plus ones?

Yes, absolutely. They can bring whoever they want, and that is why, well, here, these are some of the people who will be going along. Oh, wow. King Philip the 6th of Spain. Oh, okay.

Oh, wow. Carl the 16th Gustav of Sweden. Right. Yes, all of these, yes, yes. and Philippe of Belgium, so many. All the royals will go, but the rest of us will be left behind. And that is why, gentlemen, I am currently, I don't know exactly when they're doing it, but it's happening very soon.

They're already talking about flight arrangements to the Netherlands. I'm going to, I mean, if they're at that step, it's happening very, very soon. I think it's happening very soon. So will you be included as Philip? I will only be included. Oh, wait a minute. Yes. Perhaps I will be included as Philip.

Oh, yes, I've been thinking that I need to marry a royal, and I have a list of potentially available royals. But here I am. Wait, aren't you impersonating? I am impersonating. Did you forget? I did forget. I did forget.

I could simply go as Philip. My God. It's the perfect plan. But not if you've wandered off today, and suddenly they find Philip's body. Well, no. Oh, trust me. There's no finding Phillips body. Okay.

There's no finding Phillips body. I mean, if you've gone too long, they may presume you dead and then you will have to marry one of the royals. Well, listen, maybe I can pass this on to you because there are several eligible unmarried Royals. Look, I want on this ship. It sounds like to me like it's a futuristic Noah's Ark kind of situation. Wow. So you would abandon Kulop to marry some royal just to get on a space. Just to get on a spaceship? Wow. Just to get on the spaceship, not even taking off. Good to know. Yes. So who's who's out there available and are they on Raya?

Well, number one, the number one choice. Are they a riot? What's that? Ria, never mind. Look, I don't even know. Yeah. No, but it's Lady Amelia Windsor is probably the most desirable. As soon as this podcast drops, everyone is going to rush to try to marry Lady Amelia Windsor. Where is she from?

She is from the UK. She was voted or named the Most Beautiful Royal by Tatler magazine. The Most Beautiful UK Royal or the Most Beautiful Royal? or the most beautiful royal of any royal family? Because you're talking about royals from Spain, from... Yeah, I mean, we could marry any royal from any other country. Yes, yes, no. The Tatler magazine, which is a British tabloid,

simply called her the most beautiful royal. Perhaps they weren't, they speaking of them. Okay. How old is she? Twenty-five years old. I mean, I don't know if I could overcome the age difference, but I'd try. Well, she's very sophisticated. She's 39th in line to the British throne.

Okay. Okay. Okay. And yes, she's out there. She's a model. She works for Dolce and Gabana. Whoa. Yes. I mean, this sounds perfect. Look, I mean, let's set it up. Can I ask you, Byron, are you yourself married? No, no, I myself have never managed to be married. So really, it's just going to be about, if you follow through on this, extricating yourself from this Philip situation, in order to plug yourself into being potentially married to this new younger woman. You know, the moment I heard this plan, and I was dressed as Philip and in full Philip makeup, all I began thinking is I've got to marry a royal to get on that spaceship. Well, here's the deal. You don't want to be constantly putting on this makeup in space.

I mean, what with the different air compression and quality and all that kind of stuff? Like, it's so much easier if you just marry this hot 25-year-old model. Also, you're not going to be able to bring your team on the spaceship with you. Yeah, I mean, your makeup is just going to decompose out there in the pressurized compartment of space. So here's what you need to do. you're going to need to kill your prince philip yeah what do you mean what you mean well i mean you can't just disappear he's going to have to have a very public death they'll be looking for him so you're going to have to present yes a death narrative for him so that you can then

put not have to participate in that anymore so you can go ahead and and and woo the princess that we were discussing that i can't remember her name maybe you could it could be up there in full makeup at the top of Big Ben and then like throw a dummy off of it into the Thames and you know and then he's presumed drowned. I don't think here's the thing

I don't think that's going to work. I think you're going to have to have your team one last time put you in the makeup and you're going to have to take one of those drugs that makes you like makes your heart stop and like you're going to have to take one of those like mission impossible drugs that makes it

appear as though you are dead. Also, if you're gonna do this and you have a full makeup team and these, I'm presuming they're the best in the biz. Oh, yes, they're wonderful. Why not outfit yourself with squibs? Get some stunt people involved. Oh my.

Get some, some movie prop guns and stuff and just have a big like heat style showdown in the middle. Scott and I are successful Hollywood screenwriters. We're not just a couple of jokers. We can script this in an afternoon. So it's a scenario where Prince Philip is perhaps robbing a bank.

and is one last heist or you or if you want you can flip it prince philip stops stops a bank robbery he's a hero he goes out a hero heavily armed bank robbers covered head-to-tone body armor running out of a bank you as prince philip come in and john wick tick-tock mr wick john wick your way through all of the bad guys yes rescue the day but then there's one Bad guy gets one shot in, and you go down. Yeah, we probably want to outfit the bank robbers in something unique. You know how in the town they're in like nuns uniforms and masks. Something unique like New York? Yeah, something like New York.

But like, you know how in Baby Driver, they have the Austin Powers mask. We want this to really stand out. And going in style, they have the Groucho Marx schnauz and mustache. Exactly. So we need something iconic. In point break, they've got the Reagan, the president masks. Yeah, the president masks. We need something really iconic for this to really pop.

Pop. Hmm. And yeah, should we spit ball some ideas here? I mean, you could have them all be like the different, the various members of the Scooby-Doo gang. Okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah, like the bank robbers are a bunch of Velmas. We may run into licensing issues with that.

Well, but we're not producing anything. Well, this is going to be, there's going to be fictional movies about it years and years down the line. Right. That's not our problem. They're going to have to, that's them. They're going to have to license it. It's not our problem, but we have a, I mean, we're getting points on this as So you think we should choose something in public domain?

Yeah, you know, like Robin Hood or a Christmas hell. Everybody wears green hats? I don't know. Ghost of past, ghost of Christmas present, ghost of Christmas future. Everyone's dressed like that in Scrooge. It's the Scrooge gang. Sure, but also I don't like this. You got Ebenezer in his nightcap.

You got Jacob Marley with a bunch of chains. This is how bank robbers, heavily armored bank robbers are choosing to be, to dress up like the Scrooge gang. They're nuns and they bring out guns for. underneath their robes and stuff. But they're nuns with guns. I mean, that's fucking killer, man. Nons with guns. But listen, you don't have to worry about how this is going to

appear to people in the future because all of Earth is soon to be destroyed, lads. I know, but I'm hoping we can get one of these projects off the ground before that happens. You'd have to move fast. I mean, I'm already wondering if there's time enough to do all this. Plus, I've gone to woo a princess.

Look, we're the fastest screenwriters in the biz. We can get this done. And the furiestest. We can get this done by the, the end of today. Let's put this into production tomorrow. Can you call your stunt people? And you don't, we don't, you just, not your stunt people. My makeup team. Well, sure, but we need, we need, I mean, you and I'll handle that. We'll handle all the stunts. Okay. You know, you just need to show up and we'll give you the script. We'll walk you through it. We'll block it

quick. And then, because, yeah, you need to prioritize. Right. You need to prioritize. Roll on Rehearsal. I'm sure. Yeah, don't know. Yes, let's roll on rehearsal. Yes, exactly. And then, And, you know, I mean, maybe we rent out the bank, you know, we'll need a location manager for that. But we can work out all of this. And you have access to the queen's jewels so we can pay for all of this. But yeah, we're going to get you totally squibbed up. Like, how do you want to go? Like, you, I'm presuming.

Oh, I just thought of something. Yeah. I just thought of something that could be great. Oh. I just thought of something that could be so good. Because also it uses something that you're not going to, for much longer, have use for. what if you are robbing eyeballs? Robbing eyeballs?

Or the robbers, rather. What if the robbers are robbing eyeballs? There's a safety deposit box in this bank, filled with eyeballs. Filled with valuable eyeballs run. Suddenly in the getaway, they trip, and these bags of eyeballs just spill out all over the ground. So people are like flipping and sliding on the eyeballs.

Because they're frozen, they're frozen eyeballs. They roll. They roll all over the place. So it's like an animal house mobles situation, but with eyeballs. Yes. With I eyeballs. And you've got the eyeballs

Because you've been collecting them for so long. Yes. And all of them blue. Yes. Yes. This is good. And then I'm presuming you want to. It's the classic blue balls.

The blue balls robbery. The blue balls robbery done by the Scrooge gang. As it would come to be known if the entire planet will not be destroyed. Scrooge gang is making it in. Okay, we'll talk about this when we get to the final draft. But I'm presuming that you want to die with like a headshot so that the body will be. And a resume. And you want to swap out a body, you want to do like a body switch at the end.

Oh, I see what you're saying. But I am going to be, well, we'll need a real corpse, is what Scott is. Yeah, you'll need a corpse and you'll need a double for all of your makeup to put on the corpse. No, no, you want a corpse who can pass as Prince Albert, right? That's who we're talking about. Philip. Philip, sorry. Philip.

I'm thinking of my can. But Prince Philip, you want like an old guy who then you shoot in the head so that you know all the teeth are gone you want to file off the fingerprints i don't know whether you have a guy who can get you a body like that oh yes of course yes that's no problem at all i can get i can have three or four and we can choose we can have we can we can audition five or six of them if we like who's this guy who can get you this kind of stuff i mean i don't know he's from america and he's probably the same guy that hooks him up with the eyeballs yes that's right wait does he wear snake skin pants oh that's strange that you would guess that how hard

Because I've never seen the doctor working in snake's skin before, so it is interesting. With a full snake skin doctor's rope. What is it, a robe or a coat? It's a coat. It's a coat, yeah. All of it. All of it. A snake skin, Dr. Strange cloak.

He's in a snake skin gloves and a snake skin hair protectorate on his head. A snake skin mask? A snake skin mask, of course. Incredible. This guy sounds like a really interesting guy. Well, I think this is a better plan for you. but do you have a plan then to sidle up to this lady amelia or possibly i may i may decide if time is really an issue to go simply go after princess elizabeth of thern and texas who is 39

she's 39 and that's not so bad right right yes she's uh what she's a member of germany's uh newbility and in Germany, yes. Okay, so you're marrying into German royalty? I mean... Right. I mean, it's not as desirable, but it may simply be a bit easier. It might get you on the, it might get you on the ship. And that's, that's right. Once you're on the ship, that's what you need.

Do you have a plan, though, because obviously this romance needs to happen quickly. Do you have like a meat cute in mind, you know, like you're both walking down the street and you bump into each other or anything like that? I mean, you know, I mean, you're, you have to have a plan in order to woo this. woman. My only thought was to do an extraordinary amount of surveillance and then present myself as someone who is interested in all the things she's interested in. I mean,

you know, this is the plot to a lot of teenage rom-coms, so. Right. Byron, I really, I hesitate to tell you this. I just Googled Lady Amelia Windsor. Yes, yes.

She is engaged to be married. What? No. She's engaged to be married as of, As of last year, she is engaged to be married. No, we got to take her off the table. You don't have to be kidding. And this is, the source is, I hate to say it, once again, the tablars got this before you have it. That's extraordinary.

And they've had it for a year. And you haven't heard about this. And I have not voted a year ago. It looks like less than a year. It looks like July 2020 is when this came out. I don't know when they got engaged, but this is when this article is. Oh, I spent most of the summer hiding in a crypt at Westminster Abbey. In the Prince Philip makeup?

In case they found you? This was before I'd started dressing a scene, but I was hoping to, I was hoping to overhear some bereavement. Oh, okay. So you didn't hear that news. Well, that's too bad. I mean, you've got to scratch her off the list unless you can sort of get in there in like a rom-com situation where you're like, that guy's not right for you. What did they say about their fiancé?

What you'll... Hold on. Okay. Jason, by the way, is moving things around like minority report in front of these. Princess Diana's... Enhanced. Enhance. Enhanced quadrant one. Enhance. Facial recognition. Quadrant one.

Enhance. This is a relative of Princess Diana's. This is a dispenser? What? Princess Diana's glamorous niece is engaged to her longtime boyfriend Greg Mallet. Greg!

Greg Malick. She can't marry Greg. No. It wouldn't do. It would have to at least be Gregory or something posh like that. You're a Byron. Guys, I have an update. Whoa. Enhance. Okay, ready? Enhance. 30-year-old mallet, parenthesis, nicknamed Grizzle. What? Close. Grizzle! Is this guy hanging out with Kavanaugh? Who is this guy? You are being... We will not have a Prince Grizzle. You are being overlooked for a man who goes by the name... You're being elbowed out by Grizzle? This is outrageous. Oh, man, the gris.

This cannot happen. This will not stand. Not on my watch. No. The gris. That's the update. That's all? I mean, that was pretty significant. I know it was, but I was hoping...

That's a bombshell. I know, but I was hoping... That's going to be played on news programs. That was mind-blowing. I'm nicknamed Grissel. I was like, actually, I do know more about him. They call him Grizzle. Yes.

No, the update is not they broke up. The update is he's Grizzle, which is even worse for you. Grizzle. No. That's absurd. Well, I think I may be able to make a case against him if I can get close to the lady. But if not her, listen, there's other choices. There's a few others.

There's Princess Maria Olympia of Greece and Denmark. Oh, wait, she has dual citizenship? Somehow if you're all royalty in Greece, you're also royalty in Denmark. What a sweet-ass deal. Sure is. There's Princess Alexandra, Luxembourg. Here's what I'll say. And again, according to the tabloids,

Princess Maria Olympia of Greece, is dating someone named Peregrin Pearson. Oh, Byron, you don't stand a chance next to a Peregrine. His name is Peregrin. You're fucked. That does sound very good. Between Peregrins and Grizzes, you grizzles, you're like, you're shit out of luck, man. How are you going to get on this spaceship? All these people are pairing up because they know that Plan 1 is happening.

That's exactly why. I think you're right about that. Yes, they've known that Plan 1 is coming, and so they want to make sure they've got a mate up there. So this is interesting because the Plan 1 situation seems. to be being enacted and inside of the plan one your plan one has now been to marry um i think you might need to keep your prince philip going because your plan one was to marry lady um what's her name what about the the next one you mentioned the 39 year old the german woman oh yes the woman who was who is that princess elizabeth of thern and taxis texas t a x i s third and taxis she's 39 and uh

I mean... She frequently, by the way, she frequently goes by her nickname T&T. Like the ECDC song? Thurman Texas. TNT. HART! H!

H! H! H!!! Um, I don't know. I think you can make this happen. But you have a limited amount of time. I mean, she may be on this ship within days. Plus, we need to stage this eyeball robbery slash murder.

Yeah, with the Scrooge gang. God. It's a lot going on. Again, it's not going to be the Scrooge gang. Look. can just go, let's table it for now. I think the Scrooge gang is dynamite. And I think it's crazy because the people,

the guys are going to be weighed down by all those chains. Sure, but then slip it around on the eyeballs. It's just, it's adding to it anyway. Slipping around on the eyeballs, I love. Levels. I love that. Of course you love it because you pitched it. Wow.

You know what? I love a lot of your ideas. I support you 100%. The Scrooge gang, I think, is just, it's a little silly. It's a little silly. Yes. But it's not going to be silly once Prince Philip takes a headshot and just blood spattered all over the bank.

Scrooge is like the Joker and his gang is just dressed up like the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. Oh, that does sound good when you put it that way. Exactly. And then you have, you know, Annie Lennox, he presses much like the Joker and the Tim Burton, he presses play on a juke, or not a jukebox, but a boom box. Put a little love in your heart. Put a little love in your heart plays from Scrooge. Okay. Wow.

I mean, I didn't see that coming. It's interesting now. See? Yes. Can I ask a question? Can Buster Poindexter be in this? Hell yeah. He's in it.

Buster Poindexter. David Johanson, put the pompadour back on. Put away the platform heels. Put the pompadour back on. You're back, baby. Hot, hot, hot. Did he die? No, I believe he's still alive.

He's still with us. Buster Poindexter died, yes. Oh, David Johansson is still with us, yes. good. That's fine. All right. Well, that's the plan. Then we can forget all about... So today's Monday. We'll have this bank robbery on Tuesday. Prince Philip will be dead. They'll postpone... This gives you time, by the way. They'll postpone taking off because they'll need to do a funeral. Yes. At which point you can sidle up to Princess Elizabeth... My God, it all works together. When people are grieving, they suddenly get horny.

Of course they do. Funerals make people very amiss. For those of you who always wanted a ringtone of Scott screaming the word horny. There it is. Needle drop. This is good. Horny. Horny.

A great ass. She's got a great ass. So Tuesday's funeral, Wednesday, you're married. Thursday, up in the sky. Friday, we're all dead. I'm thrilled that you gentlemen have expended so much energy getting me on the spaceship and have accepted your own fate to be blown smithereens by the royals. Yeah, well, I mean, you know, the whole swap thing of it all, of you with Prince Philip,

that's the only part of it that's a little tough, the swapping the body. If only we had... But we hear at Comedy Bang Bang have a lot of experience swapping, whether it's life swaps or... Yeah, wife swaps, life swaps, yeah. You know, there's been a lot of swapping in the... It's canon that people have swapped. lives, wives, all sorts of things. All sorts of stuff.

I mean, we, Jason, you and I have never done this kind of complicated body swapping thing. I mean, there was, even though whenever we're together, we always pee in the same fountain just to see if it works. Just in case, but it never has. Just in case, because it did in that movie. But we, but there was, I do remember. The Jason Bateman Ryan Reynolds movie. I do remember about a year ago we had a couple of guests on.

In case that's what you're wondering. Oh yeah, because you didn't get that in the UK. I can't remember. I don't remember what it's called. Funny wish, something like that. That can't be it. I think it's called piss wish. Piss wish.

Piss wish, I think. They would have changed the title in England because Piss is more drunk. When are we going to stop eating bugs and start drinking piss? By the way, that's what we will be eating. That's more of like Piss-Wish. On the spaceship with the Royals.

That's true. That's what people are eating on the spaceship? Yes. They're going to have to do a water world kind of situation. where they circulate their piss back into water? Drinking urine and eating insects. Seems like it's a water world. Seems like he didn't have to drink his own piss.

I agree. Convert the water that you're on right now, dummy. Like there are ways to desalinate water. That are easier than you just drink in your own goddamn piss. Yeah, exactly. I mean, like, you have to assume he's some sort of piss freak. He's a piss freak. The Mariner is a piss freak.

But look, I will say if you need a little, The hashtag the Mariner is a best. Hashtag, let's get it trending. Byron, if you need. By the way, I should say they go into that rather extensively at the stunt show at Universal Studios. They do. That's how it's the first 20 minutes of every Waterworld stunt show. Yes, they explore that extensively.

But what I want to say is about a year ago, we had a couple of people on the show who were involved in doing a very complicated body swap. Uh, they were, they were, as I recall, they were swapping, uh, members of a musical group. I know that you probably don't follow any, any American music, especially not, not American music that was inspired by the Americana of the 1950s. Uh, I absolutely do not. No, I'm no interest in that whatsoever. Well, these gentlemen were trying to enact a complicated swap with the members of, uh, a musical group called Shah Na Na, nah, which I guess in England, it would be Shah Na, nah, something like that. There's no pronunciation to the Queen's English.

So there was somebody who was making a very aggressive push to get Shanaana into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And when it looked as though that wasn't going to happen, I believe his plan was to replace the members with the members of the Doobie Brothers. The Doobie Brothers. Because the dubs were sure to be admitted into the Rock and Roller Hall of it. It was a very convoluted plan, but I tell you,

I can't remember whether they pulled it off or not. But these guys. Do you remember that it was hilarious. It was hilarious. And people loved it, and it was one of everybody's favorite episodes. So if you needed their help, I'm sure we could get in touch with them. I know that they were there to assassinate this one guy whose name I don't want to mention because he would appear if I did. We've bleeped it out of the show previous to this.

But they were there to shoot him with a hog bullet out of a bun gun. What are you talking about? Was this a dream? I mean, when I tell you, Byron, that this is all actual content that has been so meticulously, we are 700 episodes into this. And this is real. We are adults. We're adults who retain this information.

Can you think about what we've, well, I've never heard of any of it. Think of what the important things we have forgotten about. I can't imagine. Or can't learn because we are. I don't remember my parents' names. We are maintaining this level of insight into the canon of this nonsense.

Oh, there go Queen Elizabeth's corgis. I don't know. Oh, there's the corgis. Oh, I got to notify Andrew Lloyd Weber. He's very frightened of them. Wait, no, he's not frightened of them. He likes to harvest their energy, I believe. Something like that.

This is another bit of arcane comedy bang, bang, trivia that... Well, to someone who has no familiarity whatsoever with any of it, it sounds insane. Well, do you want us to text these guys? Certainly, yes. I'll take any of the help I can. get from any what? Hey, you know what? I already did. I already texted them like a half hour ago when we started talking about this. I already texted

them. They're on their way. Well, do they need to be on their way? Or are they simply going to turn into the Zoom? They'll just, they'll join our Zoom group. They're getting their internet hooked up. So at some point, we'll hear a little bing bong. We'll hear that distinctive bong. We'll hear a bing bong. Yeah, of course. We'll hear some sort of chime. Here I am. It's me, Dalton Wilcox. Whoa, Dalton, Wilcox. Yep, that's right. You're texting me to come down here.

You say you've got another problem to solve the way I solve that problem with the bun gun and the hot dog bullet, right? I'm so surprised that you answered a text because... It is great to see you. You look like you are in some sort of underground facility? Yeah, that's right. These days I live in an underground facility and I project my text messages onto the wall of this cave. And I live here... Like the bat signal?

Well, yeah, I can't look at it. I don't handle them phones. Oh, okay. But you set up a complicated projector system with your phone? That's right. Well, my wife, Irina, set it up. Wife. Whoa.

What? Yeah, yeah. I got married to a Russian whore. Wait, is this on your own show? Yes. Yes, Bob. We're now stepping into a different, that's not canon. A different complex set of canon for another show.

Actually, specifically, this information is from the bonus episode. episodes of bananas for bananas for panza? Bonus nanzas for bonus nanzas. Okay, none of this is can. I will say, I really resent you bringing that over into this show. I'm a little offended. You didn't enter this, you didn't enter the Zoom with a y-ha, if I'm being honest. Yee-hah!

Here I am. How's it going, fellas? Great to see you, Dalton. Dalton, Dalton, this is Byron. Hello, Dalton. Hello, Byron. You guys are as opposite as a day and night. Are you some kind of a city slicker?

I suppose you can call me a city slicker, but I am, oh my God, where are you from Europe? This is a goddamn city slicker from literally Europe. Yep, yes. He is a, yeah, I think you would probably think of him as a foreigner. Dalton, thank you so much for reading my projected text. Yeah. And hooking up your Zoom so suddenly, I'm assuming that was your wife as well, who downloaded the app.

Arena is extremely adept at computers. Oh, okay. Is that how you guys met? No, we met, she was a whore, and I went to the whorehouse. Please, you don't have to keep saying. Yeah, really. And it's also, it's a word that is, like, damaging. It's not a great.

She's a sex worker. Oh, well, I fucked her and paid her. And then we got to know one another. I'll allow that, I guess. We got to know one another and that I asked her to marry me. I mean, that's just medical science. Yeah, that's right. And now we, you know, because we live underground underneath a national park,

she's found some cables down there, and she's basically got access to the entire internet. So just in case this is somebody's first encounter, Dalton Wilcox, you are a cowboy. You're a literary author. You're a poet laureate of the West. Yep. I am the author of the book. You must buy your wife, at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and other poems and observations, humorous and otherwise from a life on the range,

as well as the follow-up book, you still have to buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and even more poems and additional observations humorous and otherwise from a life still being lived on the range by Dalton Wilcox, who also wrote the last book. That's like the look who's talking now of the Dalton Wilcox. Hang on, Scott. I think there's a third. Oh, that's right. Have you written a third?

I don't think you had the last time I talked to you. I am also the author. I am the author of the book. I ain't never seen a cowboy eat hummus and other foods that cowboys have also not eaten in my presence in addition to poems and observations about living life on the range humorous and otherwise by Dalton Wilcox. And all of these books are by Dalton Wilcox. Of course. And they're sold at B. Dalton Wilcox as well.

And now we have to take a break. All right. But this is great that you're here because our friend Byron here, he has a very specific plan for which I think you are uniquely equipped to help him with. Does it involve cowboying? Uh, not per se, but guns, certainly. Okay, good. Six shooters, uh, and the like.

And swapping? Yeah, swapping. That's a cowboy type of thing, right? Just swapping things. If you say so, look, I'm happy to help. I'm happy to take a break from this goddamn, uh, water skiing competition. I have to, now I'm, I'm wondering. That's right.

This is the yearly waters. Yeah. It's coming up, isn't it? It was just done as a ploy to get our hands on that, uh, a phil of it was so popular. But now you're locked in. I'm locked in. People look forward to it. Yeah, you were to, for people who haven't heard the previous episode, you were making

this, and we're going to take a break in a second, but you were making this water ski competition for hot dog. You got to bleep it. We got to bleep it. Okay, we'll believe it. Well, we was just trying to lure him in so we could shoot him in the heart. Right, but he moved his heart and disappeared. With a bullet made out of.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So listen to those previous episodes. By the way, if you're listening to this and have not. Not listen to that? What are you doing with your life? You are. Let's take a break.

Well, that's my situation. I know nothing about any of this. We'll explain it, but we need to take a break. When we do take the break, instead of listening to these ads, just head over and listen to those previous episodes. Catch yourself up. When we come back, we will have more with Jason Manzukas. We'll have more with Byron Deniston.

We'll have more with Dalton Wilcox. We will be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang. After this. Comedy Bang Bang Bang! We're back here, Jason Manzookus. who, of course, of the Massachusetts, Manzukas is. And during the break, he signed off on the Scrooge Gang. I'm so happy.

I did not. That is a lie. That is a lie. He is fully on board. When you see Scott Ackerman in public, when we open up, you just scream a liar. Say, hey, Nong, man, of course, and then liar. Liar. Say, hey, Dong, man.

And then as you're walking away, just scream, liar. I will say, if I get a vote, I do like the Scrooge gang, because no one's going to mess with the ghosts of Christmas future. Yes, all he has to do is pointed a grave and you're dead. Terrifying. And of course, that is

Byron Deniston, who is a royal watcher, a professional royal watcher, of course. Indeed. And we also have Dalton Wilcox here of a poet laureate of the West, not the Old West, just the

West. I'm a cowboy poet. I am the poet laureate of the West, and I host a podcast, Bananas for Bonanza. Which, how many episodes have you gotten through at this point? Well, the problem with this. Episode by episode breakdown of the TV show. Bonanza.

Bonanza, which I, and just speaking, honestly, Dalton as a fan, is like my, you know, maybe my second favorite show that is breaking down a TV show that is about Frontier Living. My first favorite show is, of course, the Deadwood Boys. Oh, God damn it. Of course that. Hosted by Cram Daniels. Yeah, we had that asshole on our show, Cram Daniels. Oh, yeah, that's a great show.

I love that show. Deadwood Boys are so good. I don't even. know how they do it because i've got a problem with our own show in that bonanza only had 431 episodes now you look at deadwood and what do they do i think that was the 30 they were like 30 it's just close to 40 yeah yeah i don't know how that's a podcast but uh anyways uh yeah that's what it is we break them down so far i believe we've done uh 16 or 17 or 18 and uh and you're also delving into anything in the bonanza verse as well like little house on the prairie and highway to heaven well it could

comes up from time to time, you know, every once in a while. And on the bonus episodes, you did break down quite a bit of the TV show, The Mandalorian. We talked almost exclusively about the Mandalian on the bonus show. Can I ask, is Little House on the Prairie the Bonanza prequel and is highway to heaven, is he an angel? Because he's playing the same character from Bonanza and he's dead. Oh, wait a minute. Wait, that's not true, is it? Yes, well, in the same way that everyone thinks that, uh,

I want to say Byron, but no, it's Brian Cranston in Breaking Bad is playing the same character from Malcolm in the middle. He's just gone crazy. In the same way, is not Michael Landon playing the same guy in all three. Okay, so it's not literal. It's a fan thing. Okay, got it. I mean, I'm a fan, and it's my theory.

So if you want to call it a fan theory, you can. No, that's fine. It's a fan theory. Bonanza takes place in the 1860s, and Little House on Prairie takes place in the 1870s. Oh, I thought it was swapped, but okay. I guess it's a sequel series where little Joe has changed his name to Paul.

So, I mean, it's possible because they only call him paw. No one ever calls him anything else other than Pa. Yeah, I can't. I'm hard pressed to think of the family name on that show. It's the Wilders. Or is that Almanzo's name? Is that where Van Wilder was from? Yes, Van Wilder is the Divalder is the Dunders.

descendant of Laura Ingles Wilder. Oh, Ingalls, it's the Angles is here. It's the Ingalls. Laura Engels Wilder wrote the books. Yes. It's what you're thinking of. Yes. And so it's Paul Ingalls. That's right. Paul Ingalls.

But he took her name. Are we? This is in there. People are screaming at their radios right now because everybody listens to the show on the radio. Anyway, I have no idea what any of this is. But if you want to talk about man about the house or are you being served? I can, I can

reminisce about tell you with the best of them. Are you being? served the sitcom that's set in a department store? Yes, that's right. It's wonderful. Very funny. Faulty towers. I remember, are you being served as, because at a certain point in my youth, PBS used to run

Monty Python, which I became obsessed with. Then they started running faulty towers, which I also became obsessed with. Then they started running, are you being served? And I was like, hang on, this is trash. They finally got a good show. Are you being served? Wonderful. Oh, my goodness. The hijinks and confusions and things that would happen in that department store. Hilarious. Well, speaking of hijinks and hilarious, Dalton, the reason that I texted you and your wife projected that text upon your cave wall is because Byron here is in a very complicated situation where he needs to do what can only be described as a body swap.

All right. And I know that you have a lot of experience with that. with swapping the members of Sean Anaw with the Doobie brothers. Well, I was actually trying to prevent that. Oh, you were. That's how I remember it. I think that's, that was the goal of the person whose name we've been. Well, who better than you then to know, because you were trying to prevent it.

It's like Tommy Lee, Tommy Lee Jones, he would make the best fugitive because he's the person trying to catch the fugitives. He knows all the tricks. Well, you could almost say he knows what's up. Yes. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh, okay. I mean, I did just tee it up, but don't worry about it.

I don't know if I'm going to be qualified. The only time I've ever really done a body swap was I had a ranch hand who was having a problem. And we came up with a whole ridiculous contrivance where he was going to rob a bank and he was going to get his shot. And we were going to have a make-up team. Oh, wait a minute. You're saying the exact thing that Byron needs. Wait a second. This is a one-to-one.

This is apples to apples. Are you saying it? I just want you to know, Dalton, that Scott. and I came up with this idea independently. Parallel thinking. This is parallel thought. We're not ripping you off. Okay. This was not, we're done to rip you off. This is not derivative of you.

We're not trying to... We can go to the WGA for our... We mailed it to ourselves too. That's the other thing. You did? We put it in an envelope and mailed it to ourselves. Yeah, that doesn't really work. But... I know. But stories about it have survived for three decades.

It's true. But no, I don't doubt it because nobody has known about this until now and I probably, uh, maybe, which, which, which bank was this that you did this with? Bank of the West. Oh, of course. Of course. B-O-W. Yeah. Yep. There was a robbery there and we just had to do a body swap because a fella needed to stop pretending to be somebody that he wasn't and, you know, this is exactly what Byron needs. Really? Okay. Now, here's the thing, Byron, we're trying to do this for him because he needs to extricate himself from him. He's now successfully taken over the life of Prince Philip.

Yeah, and if Prince Philip were to just disappear, they would suddenly bring out the corgis who would sniff for the body and he doesn't want the body founds because it would lead back to him. And then the queen is going to say who let the corgis out and you know what happens then. Yeah, it's just so complicated. But I'll tell you this, I say they'll never find the body of Prince Philip, but there's a chance. We need to figure out some way to truly get rid rid of the body.

If, you know... Or what if you still have the body, swap it? If you're trying to do a body swap? No, it's all... It's been decomposed too long. It's been... Not only that, but hacked into bits. Oh, we need a fresh old man body.

Well, you know what? Maybe we might need an explosives team on this. We might... Hello! It's me, August Lind. I just got your text. Oh, August! Thank you so much.

I may have mistakenly texted both you and Dalton thinking that you were both both trying to do a body swap on the last time we spoke. Oh, I don't know. He and I worked together the last time we spoke. Yeah, you remember Dalton and this is Byron Deniston. I don't know whether you have ever met. I don't think I know Byron Deniston. Hello, Byron.

Hello. August Lind. This is really where it gets interesting. August Lind is from Germany who we were just talking about one of their royalty, members of their royalty, who was it? Oh, really? Yes, I'm very proud of our royals over there in Germany. Yes, we were just speaking of Princess Elizabeth of Thurne and Texas.

I'm going to try and marry her. Oh, sure. I know her. Oh, you do? I know her. She's a very, very big friend of factories and pretzel factories in particular. Oh, she's a pretzel head. She's a real pretzel head. She stops by all the time at Schmeiderberg pretzels just to walk around and see what everybody's up to.

Okay. Well, wait, if you're a friend of hers, you could assist maybe Byron in getting close to her. Maybe you could do like a little bit of a setup here. Yeah. I would be more than happy to be a wingman. Yeah, it could be a wingman. She is absolutely beautiful. And I would go for her myself except that I'm very, very happily married. Oh, that's right. Yes. Well, I mean, you might want to hear what Byron has to say vis-a-vis the future of life here on Earth before you decide you wouldn't want to be here. You may want to get into a thruple situation. You might want to include. Gentlemen, please, don't propose that. Okay, I'm just saying if it helps you. Listen, it's just I've known August a lot longer than you, Byron.

Yeah, I'd be more comfortable recommending in. I'm just, I'm looking out from my guy, you know what I mean? Listen, I would love any assistance I can get from you, August, to get to know Princess Elizabeth. And already, the information that she's a fan of pretzels is hugely important. Yeah, I mean, okay, you're at the funeral. Okay, everyone's crying. Prince Philip was shot in the face. by the Scrooge Gang, and suddenly you're there next to her and you have a bag of rolled gold

and you open it up and offer her one. That's not going to do it, rolled gold. Are you kidding me? What does it have to be? It's going to be Schmeiderberg pretzels. Okay, Schmeider. So, look, you didn't happen to, you don't happen to have any that he could get at a moment's notice, do you? Absolutely, sure.

I mean, I don't know how I get it. We'll overnight these two. I'll overnight you some Schmeiderberg pretzels. So you mean, that's a great lore. It's good. She's on the hook at this point with a pretzel. Wonderful. Yes, I'm snacking on pretzels at the funeral of Prince Philip.

Hard, hard, crunchy pretzels. Crunchy, loud pretzels. She'll notice you because she'll be able to hear it echoing through the food. And her mouth will salivate. And you know what a salivating mouth does? It leads to all sorts of things. You know, I do have to say one of the prides and joys of our products is that they are considered to be the loudest pretzels in Germany. Wow.

You haven't tested them in the world? Do you know how many dbs they clock in it? It's like 3,000 dbs or something like that. Oh, wow. That's a very loud pretzel. That is a deafening crunch. It's like a cannon blast. That's like Black Bolt speaking.

That might be too loud. No, it's just right. Well, I don't know. You might want to switch to the roll colds. You might want to dip those in water or something. Unless that gives them an extra snap? I don't even know. You're not allowed to eat them after 9 o'clock at night.

This is like a gremlin situation with the pretzels. Amazing. So this is a good plan, okay? So we've got that part of it covered. You'll be the wingman. I'm the wingman to get him married to the princess. So you can be like, oh, have you met my friend, Byron? Oh, so I have to get invited to this funeral as well, huh?

Well, if Prince Philip were to die, would you, yeah, would you be invited? I am a lowly salt inspector for pretzels. I don't know. First of all, do you even have the time off to do it? It's very tight this year. We only have 12 months of vacation this year. Oh, only 12. Yeah, but it's not all together, you know.

Oh, yeah. So, well, but wait a minute. Let's let's, I think we can reverse engineer this. the other way, which is, I think that if Prince Philip were to die, um, princess, is it Princess Maria? What's the, Elizabeth, right? Princess Elizabeth, right? Princess Elizabeth would no doubt be invited to that funeral.

Yeah. And as a friend of hers, perhaps you, August, could volunteer to escort her to the funeral. Oh, that's a good idea. Byron, you can, I, we just got to figure out how to get Byron on site. We got to get Byron on site. So that, I got an idea. I got an idea. Dalton coming in with a fix.

When the funeral is in progress, so we're at the graveyard and they're putting that body in the ground, Byron and I would simply parachute in. Like paratroopers? You don't think that'll be noticeable? And by the way, why are you parachuting in as well, Dalton? Your work is done at this point. Oh, is it done? I've been dismissed at this point.

Well, I mean, you're doing the body's way. Unless you want to hang out, I don't know. Well, I was thinking. I mean, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, is essential in the planning and execution of this. Okay. He wants to see it through to the end. I'm curious. Yeah, does it need to be boots on the ground?

Oh, maybe. Yeah, I'm wearing boots. Well, but you know what? If things go sideways, I want a guy like Dalton Wilcox on hand, you know. That's a good point. Yeah. So you're, you're the, uh, you're the literal wing man. Uh, and, uh, and, uh, you're accompanying Byron to the funeral.

And, uh, so everyone's distracted by the lowering of the coffin. And that's, the perfect time to camouflage your. Byron, are you going to want, as an individual going forward? Yes. Are you going to want to have a life that is suffused with German things, German film, German language, German food? Like, you're going to be eating nothing but like Brockworth.

Yeah. Knock worse. You're going to be eating a lot of, like, all the worst. All the worst worst. Yes. No, I absolutely understand the concern, but, you know, Otherwise, I'd have to do something about the grizzle. And that's off the table at this point.

There's no knock in the grizzle. Oh, man. I don't know. If you want me to kill, uh, is he a grizzly bear? Because I've killed a number of grizzly bears. Unfortunately, no, but he's not. It's a young man who just goes by the nickname Grizzle. But, but, but, but.

Byron, don't say anything, all right? Just be cool for a second. All right? But he gris, this guy gris, there's something fishy about him. Oh, is there? Yeah, he's, uh. Here's what I'll say. Here's what I'll say.

All right. He could be a monster. Oh, really? Now, I'm not sure what kind. I mean, he seems like he might be a party monster. Uh-huh. Yeah, which is close. Which is dangerous.

Close enough for horseshoes and hand grenade. In and of itself. But, but also, we don't know. No. We don't know. We don't know him well enough. He could be a very handsome, good-looking creature from the Black Lagoon, for example. I think he might be a portrait of Dorian Gray type guy here who's sucking life energy out of everyone. Or a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. Well, that's what I was going to say. If he's from England, dollars to donuts, he's a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. So that's where, that's the natural habitat. Which side do you think Gris is? He's got to be the Hyde.

No, no. He'd be a Dr. Jickle and Mr. Hyde and... Sure, but I mean, as the gris, I think it's Hyde coming out. So you think Greg is... Greg is Dr. Jekyll. Greg is Dr. Jekyll, and Grizzle is Mr. Hyde. I mean, that's it. We've cracked it.

We've cracked it. That's it right there. This guy maybe needs to be taken out of the picture. Greg Mallet, it's Dr. Mallet and Mr. Grizzle. Dr. Mallet and Mr. Grizzle. Yeah. This is a classic Dr. Mallet, Mr. Grizzle. Classic.

Textbook. D.M.M.M. Yep. It'll be my pleasure to slaughter this food. Okay, so then this opens the door to Lady Amelia, and you don't even have to go to Germany and eat all those Broughtwurst and Knockwurst. But then August, we don't need you anymore, though. Oh, boy.

Well, I don't know. What are you going to do with the body of the grizzle? I could turn it into hoggogs. Hey. Wait, now that's interesting. And Prince Phillips body, too. I'm happy to turn any of this bodies. Enter hogs.

What if you were to feed them to Mitt Romney as well? Sure. That's fine with me. Feed it to or anybody. I just can't feel like, I can't help it feel like that he might say

like what's up with these hogs. Who, hog? Would say what's up? Really? No, no. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, you are coming damn close to say in the words

that will conjure hot. Oh, I'm intentionally pausing in between so it's two different sentences. Everyone knows it's two different sentences. Rever- or just reversing the context of them Hot What's Up is different Yeah, exactly I mean, it would have to

It would have to be a comma, not a period It would have to be like, What's up, hot dog? To really... What's God? Dip do do do do do do do. Whoa! Oh no!

Oh no! Oh no! What's going on guys? It's me, hot dog. Hey, hot dog! Didn't I kill you? I thought I killed this guy. This a gun that I made out of a hot dog bun

and a bullet that I made out of a hot dog. Scott, stand back. Let them figure this out. Okay, no, but I have to get involved and just remind you. Scott, no, Scott, let them figure this out. All right, go ahead, go ahead. You guys, you guys fight it out. Let them fight.

I have, again, I have no idea what's going on here. Let me be the voice at the audience for a moment and say I simply don't understand. Be the referee. Here's what happened. The last, about a year ago on episode 650, Dalton and August here, tried to shoot hot dog with a hot dog bullet. Tried to. Hell no, I shot him right in the heart.

You shot him, but did you move your heart? Hot dog, you had disappeared. You were gone at the end of that episode. So here's the situation, and it's very confusing. I had... Why wouldn't it be? I had a decoy heart in my chest. Oh.

And my main heart, the heart that's really doing all the work is in my left thigh. Oh. And so I felt that I felt that. I was dying because it really hurts to have a hot dog shot into even a decoy heart. I can only imagine. You had pain sensors and receptors there put into the decoy heart? Of course. Can I ask, just out of curiosity, what led to you thinking, you know what I should do?

I should put a decoy heart in my chest and move my actual heart. Like, did you anticipate something like this? Yeah, or is it the Boy Scout motto, be prepared? Yeah. Well, no, I knew when I decided that I was going to try to bring about the apocalypse by getting Shanaana, inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and fulfilling their prophecy, that this was going to be dangerous business and that I was going to need a decoy heart. God damn, that explains. See, that explains why we took a chest x-ray out there at that water skiing contest, which, by the way. You found it.

It was just moved slightly to the left, was it? I was surprised, genuinely, I was surprised Hot Dogg that you fell for it, that in order to enter. the water skiing contest, you had to have a chest x-ray. No, I'm not surprised. You've got to have a healthy heart to water ski, man. Sure, of course. And by the way, I'm doing that, I'm doing it again this year. Wait, you know, it's a trap.

Yeah, I know, but it's a really good water skiing contract. As Admiral Adbar would say, it is a trap. Yeah, no, but it's true. It is really a top-notch water skiing contest. I mean, you're more proud of that than anything. Even your books, I would say, Dalton. Oh, I don't know about that. But there is an entry fee of $8,500, and we put it all back into the contest.

Yeah, of course, yeah. It's fantastic. So Hot Dog, you escaped after episode 650. What have you been doing since then? Well, ever since then, I've been continuing my campaign to get shot an eye into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, of course. Didn't work this year. They're not even nominated, I believe. That's true.

That's true. Someone's knocking on my door. Oh, really? Maybe it's the Ghost of Christmas Feud. future from the Scrooge game? Yeah, yeah, I'm busy. Who's answering? Who are you with?

Who are you hold up with? Hot dog? That person is like, who's talking to me right now? I'm at the Shanana house, as a matter of fact. What? Can you believe it? The Shaanana compound? The Shanana Mansion?

The Shanana Mansions. Is it Casa Nana? Nana? Kassanana. How'd you make it there? I have been invited in here, man, because I have really proven my bona fides as a guy that is trying to help them fulfill the prophecy. And we are working hard because they put out the nominees for the next rock and roll hall fame induction. And Shananae isn't there, but I have come up with another foolproof plan this time.

What's your plan then to get Seanana in there? Well, when you look over the list of nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, one of the ones that's definitely going to get you. get in is Tina Turner. And so what I said is, and this is what we're going to do, Sean and I is going to change their name to Tina Turner. Oh. They are going to show up and accept the award. This is foolproof.

It's so much easier. It's so much easier than the Doobie Brothers planned. This is legal. It's above board. And the rock and roll Hall of Fame will never see it coming. And this is the only trick to it. John Winner has no idea what's fucking coming his way. This is the only trick to it is,

they say, and now here to accept the award, Tina Turner. All the members of Shaanana have to get to the podium before Tina Turner. It's a race. And she's got those long legs. She does. Well, here's the thing that's going to be, I think you can do this pretty easily. Because Shaanaana, the beauty is, Shanana won't be invited, right? So they won't be in the audience.

Right. They can be posing as waiters. I was just going to say, they can be backstage hands. They can be stage hands on stage. stage so that, boom, the minute it's announced, they are on, they're already there. Yeah, they're there. And three of them do that as a side job anyway. Oh, okay. I think Tina Turner, as fast as those long legs can take her, she'll never get there before Sean and ah. Well, I think you're right, because what we're doing mostly, every day we

wake up early and we run sprints. And some of these guys are in the 70s and, I mean, but so's Tina Turner. What's interesting is, what I can't help but wonder, is. Now, I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy, but somehow do the royals know that this prophecy is nigh, Bill Nye, the science guy, is nigh, and that's why they've triggered, that's why they've triggered plan one, because they know that once Sean Nana successfully, as Tina Turner gets inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Ragnar Rock will begin. The early will come undone, earth, angels will appear on earth, and Shanana will fulfill their prophecy bringing about the end times. And if the royals know that, and that's why they're getting on

the Mandalorian's building, the ship that looks like a building, a building that looks like a ship, is there, is that, are these connected? Yeah. Well, I have overheard quite a bit of conversation about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in the context of Plan 1, but I thought they were just changing the subject and talking about American music for whatever reason and making small talk. Why would the royals talk about American music? Yes, I want to go one step further. They would be talking about Duran Duran and... Can I ask you a question, hot dog?

I have a question for hot dog. Okay. Do you know personally any royals? Do I know personally any royals? I mean, the only royal I really know is Lady Amelia Windsor. Wait a minute. Which one is that? Wait, she's 30-9th in line to the British throne.

Do you know Grizzles? Oh, I know Grizzle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grizzle and I go way back. What? Grizzle is a water skier, you guys. Well, Grizzle is a water skier? Of course.

Is it possible hot dog that you have told Gris and Lady Amelia about your plans to do this and that that has perhaps triggered plan one? Well, of course I've told Gris. I tell Gris everything. Well, your friend Gris is a doctor. Dr. Jicklam, Mr. Hadd, he's about to die. Oh, my God. I'm just now noticing in this article when I read further down,

it does name Hot Dog as Grizz's intended best man at their wedding. Of course, of course. Yeah, man, I can't wait until those two get married. Oh, my God. I mean, this is like a huge battle now between almost you could say good and evil in a way. And I haven't said anything in so long. Well, hey, it's lovely to hear from you. Wait, I'm so thrilled you're still here, August.

Yeah, I'm here, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Okay, well, I mean... By the way, I'm right now on an international tour of closed amusement parks and makeshift mores. Okay. Just to let you know my thing. Good to hear. I mean, I wasn't really interested.

Wait, are the closed amusement parks functioning as makeshift mores? Yeah, I didn't think so at first, but that's the case. Yeah. So it's just you alone. The only living thing on a roller coaster that's full of. of corpses. Yeah, that's right. Some of them are.

Splash Lagoon in Erie, Pennsylvania is a tremendous makeshift morgue. Oh, dear. I'm glad you're here in the States. And a wet morgue as well. It's just full of dead bodies. Sea world, all of the sea worlds are full of dead bodies. Yeah, they're going to make a documentary about that, and then even less people will come. Just think of all the eyes.

Okay, well, yes. Well, look, I don't know that we're going to resolve. It's like all of you. It's like all of you have some really interesting. bizarre thing that you're obsessed with. Not me. I'm a regular cowboy. I don't know that we're going to resolve this on this show. I mean, Hot Dog

I think Dalton and August don't want this to happen and Byron, you do want it to happen. So, I mean, look, I mean, it's... I don't even know what you're referring to anymore. I think you want to take off in the spaceship. Yes. I mean, all of these things if they

unfold according to plan. That's true. Yeah, Hot Dog will be a member of Sean Anon. We'll be one of the earth angels. Yeah, and so we will be living in the dystopia that, uh, that exists once, hopefully Byron, after we have swapped, uh, the Prince Philip with the Scrooge gang, TBD, um, once Prince Philip is on the spaceship and has exited with all the royals, we will live in the dystopia. But wait a minute, wait a minute, I have an idea. Jason. Can I talk to you for a second? Where? Just right over here. Oh, yeah.

Well, everybody, hey, everybody, uh, everybody else mute your sound. We're going to go into a breakout room Oh, breakout room, yeah. We're going to go into a breakout room. Okay. All right, Jason, here's the plan. Oh, okay. Okay, Sean and I, we all know that if they're inducted,

if they get to that stage before Tina Turner, and they get inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, suddenly Earth Angels happen. It's the apocalypse. No, I think here's our, if I'm being honest. Okay. Our only hope, truly, is if we can kill hot dog, before he successfully replaces Shaanana and Tina Turner.

Again, once again, it all comes down to killing hot dog. The world lives or dies if hot dog does. But you know what? He told us where his actual heart is. That's what I was going to say. We tricked him into that. Now what we need to, when we go back, when we go back, we need to communicate, we need to communicate in code to Dalton what he needs to do.

but that hot dog won't realize. Okay, what code? I don't know. We're going to have to figure it out. Okay, guys, come on back here. Chevali Gardens in Copenhagen is beautiful, but all of, oh, we're back, we're back. We were recording you guys. We were recording us for some reason.

That sounds like a fascinating conversation. So also, actually, guys, please don't listen to the app. Yeah, don't listen to the app at all. When it drops, don't listen to the app. Don't worry. No interest in it at all. Are you interested, though, Dalton, in continuing to, like, shoot hot dog bullets out of hot dog bun guns? Like, is that something that you are now, like, into?

Well, you know, I only ever did it the one time, and it did feel to me like something that I'd like to experience again. That's the kind of hobby that I feel like you could really make a, you could really do something with, really dig into more and try more, and different kinds of targets, you know? Right. I have to say, I have missed the experience of trying to make food into bullets. You know, I've been doing it a little bit in my spare time. Yeah, well, I mean, what have you tried? Well, I've tried to make applesauce into bullets. I tried to make whipped cream into bullets.

You might want to try some harder foods. That's delicious. I try to make pudding into bullets. Oh, here's an idea for a food that you could try to make into bullets. Thigh food. I mean, Thai, but isn't that funny how you can mispronounce it as thigh? Wait, you want to make bullets out of... Scott, can I talk to you?

Scott, can I talk to you? Bullets into thighs. Can we go to the breakout room? Bullets into thighs is an interesting idea. Okay, now that's interesting. To make a bullet out of thighs, though, is the actually... No, no, but bullets... That's not what we're tied.

No, but I mean, when you say thigh and bullet next to each, next to each other, I mean, it's an interesting idea. A bullet going into a thigh? You know what I was wrong? We should have talked to. What cold are you trying to get us to do? I should have talked to that with you. Let's just tell him. You are.

Hey, I'm starting to think I shouldn't have told you guys my heart is in my thigh. Dalton! Dolton! Shoot him! They're not in the same place! Over Zoom! I'm underground at an undisclosed National Park! Don't you have the Zoom setting where it shoots guns? God damn it. Let me... I've got to download the latest versions.

Hey, I got to update. Is Zoom an American company? Yeah. Okay, that makes sense then. Yeah, you can enable a setting that shoots a gun out of the camera. God. But that's not going to work unless hot dog's thigh is facing the camera. Hot dog, face your thigh to the camera, would you? This is ridiculous.

You fucking blew it, Scott. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to put my thigh right up to the camera. I'd be crazy to do that. Like, yeah. Do you have any idea right now what you'll say at the, when you're called upon to make a speech at Lady Elizabeth and Gris's wedding? Like when they call you up to be the best. man, Lady Amelia, sorry, Lady Amelia and Grissel, when they came in, when they say,

and now, Grizzle's oldest friend, his name is Hot Dog, please welcome to this stage. Fellow water skier. Well, you like, like, marriages like water skiing. That's a great place to start, you know, like, use the metaphor. Well, I was going to, yeah, that's a whole, I've given a lot of speeches at weddings, as you can imagine. And I talk a lot about, I talk a lot about how, you know, you've got two water skis and they both need to be going in the same direction, man.

Yeah, yeah. Well, unfortunately, I guess our plan didn't work. We'll see what happens this fall, I guess. Yeah. This fall is when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yeah, we'll see if Tina Turner makes it up to that stage. You know, keep us abreast of what happens. Well, it sounds like one thing we could do is work on Tina Turner's sprint speed.

Sure. Yeah. A great tear from you, August. I don't have a chime in and say, hello? Thank you so much It's time to say goodbye Yeah well look It is almost time to say goodbye

But we're running out of time We only really have time For one final feature And that is a little something called plugs Been a little while Since I heard your name aloud Wondering what it is You're up to now

If you could see me You would know that I am weeping And I just wonder if you'll share the love. Tell me about your plugs. Ooh, baby. That was Share the Plugs by Small Time Napoleon. Amazing. Thank you to Small Time Napoleon.

I guess we're back to singing about plugs, especially after last week when it really seemed like people were just uploading their SoundCloud track. that had nothing to do with plugs. Oh, is that right? I appreciate getting back to the subject at hand. Guys, what do we plug in? Jason, what do you have to plug here?

You know, I will plug just last week, I think. A TV show came out, an animated show on Amazon called Invincible, based on the Robert Kirkman comic book that you and I just read all of it recently as part of a... That's right. We read all 150 issues or so, 148. whatever it is. I believe somewhere.

We read all of them. And I am a voice in that. And it's awesome. The show is fucking fantastic. It's a great comic. Robert Kirkman, friend of the show. He created the comic and it's a great comic. He's very involved with the show.

And yeah, I hear it's really great. So you're in that. It's great. It's on Amazon. And also close enough, which is another animated show that I'm on, on HBO Max, just released season two. That is also hilarious and very funny. And also, of course, as always, how did this get made the podcast?

Okay, wonderful. I want to plug Freedom, which is the other show that I do with Paul F. Tompkins and Lauren Lapkis. That comes out on Thursdays, and that's just us sitting around and shooting the shit and playing games and stuff, so people can subscribe to that and listen to it. And then all of you guys, do you have plugs together, or do you all have separate plugs? I think while you were in the breakout room, we were all talking about all the very many things. We're all going to each plug, and it will take a while. Okay. I didn't know you at that kind of time.

A lot of different things. No, really, I just want to plug my upcoming wedding, which of course will be televised throughout the world, whether it is to Lady Amelia Windsor or to Princess Elizabeth of Thurn and Texas. We don't know. It depends on the Gris situation. Yes, exactly. And I want to...

With that grisbiz. Well, he's as good as dead, but I just want to promote... I don't know that you should be on Byron's side, Dalton. I'm getting lost in mythology a little bit, But anyway, go ahead. I have no idea. But I want to promote Bonanas for Bonanza, which is probably coming back to do the remaining 412 episodes.

And this is something that I'm not in charge of and people shouldn't be writing messages to me. Is that right? I have told all of my listeners and fans to get in touch with you about it. Yeah, I've noticed this. Yeah, I've said it's Scott Ackerman's decision. And so, yeah. As a fan of the show, I'm not. And I mean this.

I've listened to every episode. I've listened to all of the bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium. I am imploring you, Scott, to let them make more. I don't know that I have anything to do with this. If you are listening to this episode, please, at Scott Ackerman, hashtag, let us have more. No, please write to Jason instead, and that is at L-I-L-Y-Y-I-L-L-Y-I-L-L-Y. Please write to him. Whoever you write to, make sure it's Scott Aukerman.

And to be clear, Dahlton, in case people are not familiar with it, it is Bonannas for Bonanza. That is the name of your podcast. We spell bananas right. It's B-O-N. It's not Bananas for Bonanza. So it's very hard to find. As much as you would think it would be. It's a very difficult to find podcast.

Very difficult to find podcast in a long history of difficult to find podcasts. Yeah. And I want to promote our coming out Schmeiderberg pretzels with a pretzel sound baffler. And this is It's like It's made of acoustic blankets And it's like You sit in it to eat your pretzels

This is like a muzzle for a gun Yeah, right So you don't go deaf Chopping into 3,000 dB pretzels Oh, well we've been selling earplugs for a long time But this is so that maybe for late night snackings God if you want to do that And you're to just to be clear

Your ear plugs are just soft pretzels Yeah, you put the soft pretzel in the ear exactly yeah okay cool and then there's what about a dog

me hot dog I just want to promote I'm looking right at you of course I'm yeah the Kickstarter for Shaana because they have not been able to perform live

at any state fairs or casinos because of the are they behind the rent at the Casa Nana the Shaana house Casa Nana Casa Nana

yeah the landlord is being real cool but we don't know who's the landlord wait who's the landlord last oh no oh it's a rental

it's a rental guy Okay. It's not anybody we know, is it? I doubt it. He's a theatrical director and he's a being very cool. Oh, no. All right. Is Cassanana on the water?

Is it like a houseboat? Is it a houseboat? Oh, yeah, it's a houseboat. Oh, boy. All right. Look, we're going to close it up, but we normally we would have one of your wonderful remixes. But I wanted to get some clean audio for Jason to hear the closing up the plug bag theme for the first time.

So let's do it. Let's close up the old plug bag. I don't want this. When you see something open, get a rope up and start to twist. Then you find that you're getting a little I missed. What? No. You think you're crying and you know what to do.

Get up in there and do what you do. What they do and do? This is worse than ever. I don't even feel like their hearts are in it. See, this is confusing. Make sure you don't mess around. This is clumsy. Don't mess around you make you you don't mess around.

Oh God. This is like a bad improv opening. This is like the beginning of an unsuccessful Harold. Harold. Don't mess around. And don't mess around. Don't mess around. So what I'm hearing is don't mess around.

Sounds like don't mess around. Open that shit. Oh, so you loved it, huh? I didn't. I didn't. Like, it really was just, just really a rhythmic clapping and the words don't mess around. That's the first song I've ever heard and I'm German. Well, guys, I want to thank you so much for being here.

Jason, great to have you on. Thank you so much for being here for the past 12 years. And Byron, so good to have you on the show. I was so happy you could meet Jason here. Good luck with your impending robbery. We'll get you the pages tonight. And good luck with your impending nuptials. Of course.

To whomever you may marry. So much going on. Very excited. So much going on. And Dalton, great to see you. And I feel like we really got to the bottom of all of the drama in the royal family that's been going on lately. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we really got to the bottom.

We really cracked that code, too. Yes, as always, right to the point. August Lint, it's so good to hear you chime in occasionally. That's my pleasure. I'm here to chime in. You know, just telling you what I'm up to. And Hot Dog, it's great to have you here. I'm sure the fall will see what happens with that race to the stage with Tina Turner.

Yeah, I think we're definitely going to win because we may be able to do it as a relay. Oh, okay. That would be good. And then Dalton, wait a minute, where'd Dalton go? Dalton's no longer on the Zoom. Oh, interesting. That's the edge. Huh, it's almost like, yeah, I wonder why.

I wonder where he went to. Like, that would be strange if he suddenly. The last thing I saw him do is put on his gun belt. Yeah, his holster, his hot dog holster. His hot dog shaped holster. Hey, wait a minute. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, no, Dalton Wilcox is here, man.

Oh, no. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm here to shoot you in the thigh. Oh, no! Oh, my God, he got him in the thigh! What? Hot Dog!

Oh, he's down on the floor, bleeding heavily out of his leg. Dalton, you got him. Thank God. Yep, I got him, and that's the end of that. And so I guess none of the other stuff we talked about is necessary. Dalton, look out behind you! Oh, God! Oh, yeah.