Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Skanking Hayride (Bobby Moynihan, Seth Morris)

Episode Date: March 12, 2026

On this week’s Bonus Bang—stars—they’re just like us! Bobby Moynihan from Saturday Night Live joins us this week and proves his comedy nerd cred with an impressive knowledge of SNL history that will embarrass even the nerdiest of listeners. Our old friend Ozzie Patinkin (no relation) of the Bakery for Dogs returns and tells us about dog treats, dog costumes, dog amputation, dog guns, and so on and so forth. Another old friend is back: Hollywood Facts! It joins Would You Rather? in this episode that defies reality and begs the question “How far would you go for a Plane Break?” Originally released July 11, 2011. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re-releasing great episodes of comedy bang bang out from behind the paywall. Now, this week's bonus bang is the second in a series that we are calling Just the Facts Mam, where we are showcasing episodes featuring the Hollywood Facts theme as performed and written by Andy Samberg of, of course, of Digman, which is coming to Netflix, I believe, next week. Digman, the great animated series that he is the lead in. Now, this episode is interesting because Andy is not in this episode, but the theme is, this episode is called Skanking Hayride.

It was originally released on July 11th, 2011, as episode number 113. So long ago. Our first guest is Comedy Great and S&L alum, who's in Hoppers right now, Bobby Moynihan. He's followed,

followed by Seth Morris playing Ozzie Patinkin. All right, interesting. So in addition to Hollywood Facts, we play Would You Rather? Of course, we play it every week. And this episode also features a Weird Al remix of the CBB theme song. All right, interesting. Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang as well as other shows like CBB Presents, Scott hasn't seen, The Neighborhood Listen, and Collegetown.

Become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all the past episodes from the CBB archives. Every single live episode we've ever done, ad-free new episodes, and even more original shows. We're going to be back Monday with the new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. 2011. Weird Al in the house.

Yeah. 2011! Or 2011. Your preference, really. We're on Yankevick. Yeah. Thank you very much. What up, hot dog!

What a comedy bang bang. Thank you very much. That is, of course, Reggie Watts' comedy bang bang theme. Weird Al Remix, 2011. And it is a fine summer's day here at the show. Summertime. I know you guys are out there. Probably listen to this at the beach.

Probably surfing like you do with your iPods. Strap to your surf belt. Surf utility belts where you keep a knife for sharks in an iPod case and all your change that you need to go buy hot dogs at the convenience shack. But I appreciate you listening and it is summertime. I am, of course, hot toss men, aka the Navajo. And I'm having a great summer. Hope you are too. And I'm excited because we have a first time guest here on the show.

And I could not be happier about it. All right, let's get to our first guest, our main major, important star here. This is his first time on the program. I'm so happy that he could be on. We met about a few months back in New York, I believe, doing Askat. Yeah, correct. I was doing monologues, as I am not an improviser. And Bobby here was in the cast.

Bobby Moynihan is here. Hello. Hello. Great character to start off with. Old-timey Bobby Moynihan. That's not bad. It's a bad idea. It's not bad at all.

You are familiar with the regular time, Bobby Moynihan. Yeah, he's all right. Old-timey. Now, we all know you from Saturday Night Live, which... That's correct, I hope. Saturday and then night? I mean, that doesn't even make sense. It's very confusing.

I mean, they should work on that. It's going to get... By the way, talk right into that thing that we have right in front of you. I don't want to. You've been on the show for Nye on three years now? Yeah, three years just finished my first year as a cast member. Congratulations. Thank you.

How did that feel when they told you? They didn't tell me. Oh. You were just watching the show? I found out when I saw a nice chubby gray haired man putting my picture in a different place on the wall. It moved from the featured player section to the. And that was right as you were. It was Saturday night right before the Amy Polar episode.

And I may or may not have teared up. Oh, that's nice. Tell me about just getting on that show in a sense because, I mean, that's a dream show for most people in our field to get on. What was it like for you? It was crazy. It was definitely one of those like childhood dreams. I used to, you know, dream about it. a kid, but then, you know, it's also like going to space.

Like, you don't think it's ever really going to happen. But the process of it was, the process of getting it was insane, very, very long process. Like, for me, it was 14 months. Wow. And then. Auditioning every day? I auditioned six times a day for 13 years. Wow, that's crazy.

But, you know, you got to do what it takes. That's show business. I'm still technically auditioning. I'm waiting to hear. We all are, aren't we? Until death. Yeah, exactly. And when you were a kid, you say used to watch it.

What was the cast like when you were a kid? What era do you really remember kind of watching? See, it's weird. I think I was a nerd. So, like, I was a big nerd about it. So it's like, I think you're right. The entire, like, all of the casts. Or, like, all of them except, like, probably, like, the Eddie Murphy years.

Like, I kind of just watched them all. I was like, I still have a wall of VHS tapes. that I put them all on. Yeah, it was bad news. Wow, that's good. Every single episode, like in order or? For a couple years, yeah, I have like probably a good six seasons. Wow.

And then I would like go to the museum of television and radio and go watch the original episodes. That's crazy. So it's almost like you did a lot of homework to try to get, or, you know, to get on the show. Was there anything that you used in your knowledge of the show in order to affect your audition? Yeah. Well, I mean, those.

The best of DVDs. Like I would watch the the auditions on there. Jimmy Fallon's audition is like to me. Will Ferrell's is absolutely amazing. But Jimmy. I've never seen those. They're fascinating. Tracy Morgan's is absolutely hilarious.

He's in like a dirty white t-shirt. He's very heavy. It's just hilarious. It looks like he came in off the street. But you can so tell Lauren was just like that guy. Wow. But Jimmy Fallons, it was kind of the one where like Will Ferrell. is absolutely phenomenal.

But Jimmy found just, he does like 60 things in like five minutes. Really? I remember thinking like, I know they asked for three characters and three impressions, but like I'm going to just try and show, like, here's 60 things I could do on the, whenever you need them. Right. Oh, so you have like a deep bench of stuff that they could pull from. Yeah, I want to show them that.

I feel like the more range and like it's kind of like, here. Wait, is that truck? What is that? What is that? It's a train. It's a train? Okay. We don't have anything for.

a train, do we? Engineer Frank? It rhymes with plane. I know. I wanted to bring a plane bag in here. So we could do a plane bag. Just so that I could say plane bag. Plain bag. If we hear one, we'll do one.

I promise you that. I'm waiting for it. Do you see how excited I got? I know. Your eyes lit up. Almost like you were being told you got on SNL. So did you show them like a whole bunch of things and like extra things?

I auditioned. The first time I auditioned, I did like three characters, three impressions, and then they were all very long and very like, here they are, here very presentational. And then I went and met with Lorne a couple times. Lorne who? Lorne Green. Really? From Battlesar Galactica? Yeah.

Well, on the original police squad. Yeah. And then the writer strike happened. So then I waited down. Yeah, I remember picketing. Yeah. It was awful. That was the worst nine months of my life because I was just waiting.

Oh, I'd never thought about that. Yeah, like I met with Lorne before that and I thought I was going to start. And then it was nine months of waiting. And then when it was over, I was just like, oh, no, I didn't get it. Because you hear stories about previous seasons like Franken and Davis were going to take over the show or something. And then the writers strike happened. And when it came back, it just never happened. Yeah.

Yeah, I think Maya Rudolph had a baby. and then they hired Casey Wilson who was awesome and a friend of mine and I love her death and then I came in a couple months later and auditioned again and that time I was just like I thought it was over already

like I was just like I'm my chance was up so that time I just did like a whole like I just did things that I thought were funny like I didn't do that normal you know three character the three impression thing like I just went I was like I'll do snagglepuss

like I'll do dumb dumb stuff that makes me laugh And I think that that worked out. So did you find that that gave you a kind of a spark that your previous audition may be lacked? Or were both auditions great? I definitely think my first audition was like, okay, I feel like from Lauren's point of view, he was like, okay, he's not afraid. Like he knows what he's doing. He kind of knows what he's doing.

And then the second one was like, oh, okay, he could do a bunch of stuff. Oh, great. I feel like if I had only done that first one, maybe not. Interesting. Well, you know, I mean, you don't really want a handicap. What if I did this? What if I did that? Because you're on the show and you're...

Yeah, I'm just very happy. Yeah. Don't air this. No, we don't air this show. Don't worry about it. And you're on, you're coming back or do people not know on the summer? I know some people don't know during the summer. No.

This is the first summer where I'm not completely terrified. But I still don't know yet. Right. Isn't that bizarre? Like you think they lock you in for that long of a time. But, well, I mean, I don't want you to cast aspersions on whether a, a situation is bizarre that you're benefiting from. The audition, it literally never stops.

I saw Forte recently. Forte came back and his sketch got cut. And this is like after nine years of being on the show and then leaving it coming back. And it was, it's like, it never ends. Yeah. And then for Parnell, he leaves, he gets fired. Then he comes back. Yeah.

I mean, it's such a. I was glad about that. Oh, yeah. He's so amazing. And what's really interesting about the show lately I've found is that, People, even people who are fired from it, like they're coming back and performing on it. It seems like it's a happy family more so in the days where you'd fire someone, they'd be bitter about it. It seems like people kind of understand it a little more now.

I think so. I think like it's just, it's definitely that family feeling. Like, you know, I'd never met Chris Rock before. And then I saw him at a jet game. You pointed at Engineer Frank. I'm not sure why. Me and Frank were talking about it right before. Oh, okay.

That's not Chris Rock? Chris Rock you see is a black fellow. Oh, no, I didn't know. You don't see people that way? The story is completely wrong. No, I saw him at a jet game and he was just like, oh, hey, man. And it's just like, oh, yeah, hey. Oh, the family.

It's very strange. You feel like you've gone through war together. And when you think about it, very few people in the world have had the opportunity to do what you do. I think I was the 119th cast member Yeah, I'm a nerd But that's great I mean, I was

You know, a John Hamm friend of the show here Yeah, he's well he's on this madman Anyway He's in Toy Story He's in Toy Story, yeah He's only in Toy Story 3 Playing Woody Yeah

He He, I was saying to him like It's so crazy that And Zach too It's like you've done something that Even fewer people have gotten a host in a way, I think, or maybe not. You're the, you're the historian.

No, much more people have hosted. More people have hosted. Probably around 700 somewhere. The first time I said live from New York was the 66th episode. Whoa. And what was that sketch? It was me and Kristen as the Salahis, those White House party crasher people. Oh, right.

Fred was Obama doing a speech and we were just in the background taking pictures. and doing crazy stuff. And what kind of a thrill was that for you to be, was it like, did you get the script and it set it in there? And you went, oh, my God, I'm saying this. I didn't know till the read through. Because also, when I first looked, we had no lines in it because we're just in the background.

So I was just like, oh, I have no lines in it. And it didn't occur to me to skip to the last page. Like, I was like, oh, I just have to act. So I just read all the stage directions. And then it said, I still have the script, like, the cue card, like everything. Like, it was the greatest. Because there are. You can hear me laugh.

You can hear me like hysterically maniacally laughing when the, when the credits start. Really? Oh, man. That's amazing. It's crazy. Because there are cast members who never get to say it. Yeah. People have been on the show for years and years who have never said it, right?

Yeah. I mean, but you could say it around the house, right? Yeah, I don't. I feel like you're, like, it's kind of like Macbeth. It is. It's kind of like the thing. Like, it's a lot of like, people just do their bits. What my favorite new bit,

Keenan has a character named Googie Renee who always says, It's about savings And so now A lot of the time people go live From New York is about savings And that makes me very happy

All right, well, it's great that you're on the show You do some great characters You're one of the breakout hits Of the last few years And congratulations to that You're far more successful than I will ever be And I'm jealous You're on Taint Magazine, man

Oh, that's true All right, so we're going to play a little game right now, if you don't mind. Okay. It's a little game that we like to call. An engineer Frank, are you ready for this? Chris Rock. Are you ready? Chris Rock.

This is a little game we like to call Hollywood Facts. Got it. Nice. Well, it's Hollywood Facts, and we're going downtown. Going to Englewood now. Everybody's do your facts and know your stars. There's glitz and glamour and lots of bars. Get a drink.

At a club, then go walk in front of Chinese theater. Hollywood Facts. Take out your dick. Check out the Facts. It's the Hollywood Facts. Bro. All right. That is the Hollywood Facts.

I love it. Theme song remix. That's Randy. Randy Sandberg. And bro. Yeah. Oh, Kelly. So we know how we play this.

So I'll tell you a Hollywood fact, a Hollywood myth, basically. And you tell me if it's true or false, if that is actually what happened or whatnot. Okay. What not, what not. Yeah. That's a creature. Yep. By the way, you're wearing a nice X-Men blob t-shirt, I have to say.

I like to call myself the blob, so I was really happy when I saw this t-shirt. It's a great t-shirt. We're blobby. All right, blobby. Here we go. First, Hollywood fact. If you sync up Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon with the Wizard of Oz, the movie, there are a lot of surprising correlations between the lyrics and the action on screen.

Is that true or false? That is true. Oh God, I'm wrong, aren't it? No, it's false. It is impossible to sync up that record with that particular movie. Sorry. I was thinking of if you sync it up with the novelization. Yeah, that's maybe where that Hollywood fact and myth came from, yeah.

I'm going to go. Maybe this should be fact or myth. Yeah. I don't know. We'll figure it out one of these days. This is only the second time we've done it. All right, here we go. Is this Hollywood fact or myth?

Got it. Humphrey Bogart's last words. were I should have never have switched from scotch to martinis. Well, God, I hope that's true. It is false. No, I'm sorry. No, that is a myth. His last words were, I never should have switched from being alive to not being alive.

Yeah. Do you know what his first words were? Yeah. The monkey in shirt tails is based on me. We'll be based on me. No, he created that. No one knew it. And then he lost it.

Like in La Bamba, he threw it in the dumpster and Esai Morales found it. Interesting. That is not a Hollywood myth. All right, here we go. There's still time to come back. Fact or myth. Antonio Banderas is doing an impression of his character in the mask of Zorro for his character of Puss and Boots. Fact.

So sorry. So sorry. It is a myth. He's doing an impression of his cat, Puss and Boots. Oh. Yeah. So sorry. All right.

Well, still time to steal here. Still time to steal. All right, here we go. Hollywood Factor Myth. The line, it was beauty killed the beast, is the last line of dialogue in the original King Kong. False. You are right. Yes.

It was the last line of the alternate ending of Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Amazing. Yeah. I was going to say, I thought it was shallow hell. When he kills Quedithaltero? Yeah. Yeah. She climbs up, she climbs Jason Alexander. All right, well, you got one. So you're on the board at least.

I'm glad. All right. Here we go. Last one. Steve Gutenberg. Steve Gutenberg, you're familiar with his work? Yeah. He's a policeman. Oh, God, he died. I'm going to finish the, okay. Me and Chris Rocker finish him in the show.

All right. Excuse me. Steve Gutenberg. Steve Gutenberg appeared in all 10 of the Police Academy, sequels, including Police Academy 11, the one where Michael Winslow dies, not Sergeant Larval Motor Mouth Jones, but the real Michael Winslow actually dies. Fact. That is a fact, yes. And with two points, you win. Is that a real thing that you just said?

That is a real thing, yes. It's a Hollywood fact, not a myth. I'm going to rent that tonight or buy it. Yeah, well, Netflix at the very least. No. I'm going to buy the company Netflix. Why not? You know, he got a lot of disposable income line.

round? Yeah. S&L money. That is, of course, how we play Hollywood Facts. Nice. Well, it's Hollywood Facts, and we're going downtown. Going to Englewood now. Everybody do your facts and know your stars.

There's glitz and glamour and lots of bars. Steve Gumber. At a club. Then go walk in front of Chinese theater. Michael Inflow. Hollywood Facts. And sweet Chuck. Take out your dick.

Check out the Facts. It's the Hollywood Facts. Bro. All right. That is, of course, the Bobby Moynihan remix of the Andy Sandberg-Brough remix of the Hollywood Fax theme song. I could listen to Andy, do that forever. Just freestyling off the top of his head. The funniest dude in the world.

Take Out Your Dix, his go-to. Well, most of his freestyles end up with him trying to either make out with me somehow, force himself on me. It always makes me very happy. Yeah, I got him forested out of me quite a few times during that show. All right, let's go to a song, and we come back. We'll have a very special guest. Bobby Moynihan, coming bang bang,

I'll learn how to talk. Right after this. We'll see you at a few moments. The government totally sucks, you motherfucker, the government totally sucks. Ben Franklin was a rebel indeed. He liked to get naked

while he smoked on the weed. He was a genius, but if he was here today, the government would fuck him up his right. This is a fucking up The beautiful animal Totally sucks you motherfucker

The government totally sucks The government totally sucks Because the land It's just the baby's breath away And if we hold hands together We can bring back the USA The USA This is Comedy Bang Bang

We're here with Bobby Moynihan I am of course hot saucer man A.k. Did you say hot saucer men? I don't know. What I say? I think you should call yourself Hot Saucerman from now on.

Okay. Okay. No problem. Nate. We are here and we're about to have another guest and I am very excited. He was on this program a long time ago.

Long time ago. Oh, no way. And he has returned. This is, of course, Ozzie Patinkin is back. No relation. No relation to who? Ozzy Smith. Mandy.

Oh. Oh. The great police detective actor. We remember you from the show, and people may not know you by name, but they do remember your specific occupation, which can you tell people a little bit about that? And the owner and operator of the bakery for dogs at the Grove. It's a place where you can find every kind of baked good you could ever want to need for your dog, in addition to other things that dog should never have, like dog briefcases, dog sunglasses, dog parachutes, dog skateboards, dog cell phones, etc., etc. I mean, you know, we're making some real big strides in the, I call myself a dog stavist. Do you now?

I'm an activist for dogs, yeah. Oh, I get, so you put dog in the word activist. Stivist. Yeah. Stivist, yeah. Yeah. So last time we checked in with you, you had a whole bunch of treats that you baked. You told us about those.

Well, I've really, I've moved beyond some of the, some of the baking. I mean, we still, you will always be able to find really, literally, literally every kind of baked good your dog could ever want to need at. bakery for dogs. That a dog should not have. Well, sure. I mean, yeah, yeah. But to me, it's still not enough. I mean, my manifesto, my central belief is that dogs should be treated as people and that in general,

dogs are a little bit too big. We need smaller dogs. You know, again, we're making some good strides on the coast. There's some tiny dogs. It seems like your business is in direct contradiction to that ethos, though, because if you feed your dog treats. it gets bigger. Especially baked goods.

Well, we do have some low-carb options, but I'm not talking about size. You know, girth is one thing. I'm just talking about large sizes. Spines. I mean, if it can't fit into a baby born, then I think it's too big. Yeah. I think it's too big. And why is that?

I just think dogs... There's not a lot of space in this world, you know what I mean? Correct. And ultimately, what I'm really going for is I'm working with scientists in the hopes that one day dogs will have dogs for pets. Hmm. That is the most adorable thing I've ever heard. Could you imagine seeing a little doggie?

Walking another little dog. And you say, what is that string connected to his front part of his body? And it's a leash connected to a smaller dog. Holy shit. And the dog is walking a dog. Wow. That would be... This is the same thinking that got men on the moon.

My heart just started. Mm-hmm. Are you familiar with the theory of the singularity? I believe so. Yeah. Well, for your listeners that are, there's a scientist Ray Kurzweil who believes that in the near future, we will have a fusing of technology and humanity. Humans and machines will become indistinguishable. Sure.

Talk about nanotechnology. You'll be able to transplant your consciousness into, yes, thank you. Small wonder. That's all that needs to be said. I was about to explain it, but that says it off. Vicki Lawson. If what I'm... Do you have tapes of that lining your walls?

Yes. my house is made of VHS tape If the police were to raise Raid your house What surprising things would they find They would find a lot of things If they were to raise my house From birth

Sure Or what if they were just to raise it Like level it Yeah Yeah Why would the police do something like that to you They don't like me It's all Gutenberg's vault

So Ozzy Dogularity is what I'm Oh okay I'm sorry We're humans The dogs They become indistinguishable and we need more rights for dogs, frankly. That's why I'm here.

I'm sorry to be political. I know this is a, what is it called? Fun time. Radio Fun Fun Fun Fun. What is your show called? It's, well, it's comedy. Bang Bay. Fun, okay.

Well, that's, yeah, this is not a joke. You know, it's 2011. That is not a joke. You're right. And, hey, I'm all for what happened in New York that. Wait, do you mean? Gays can marry. Oh, oh, that one.

Oh, I thought you were talking about something else. Oh, are you talking about my 9-11 conspiracy theories? Whoa, whoa, whoa, wow. Oh, I could go on and on about that. No, I would really rather you do that. We'll talk about that later. I got some real fucked up websites for you to check out. But anyway, in this day and age, it still disgusts me that dogs cannot get married.

They're not recognized. Yeah. Who would they marry if other dogs? So not humans. No. Because a lot of people think that gay marriage is going to lead to people marrying dogs and that would be disgusting. Fucking horses and not marrying them. Yeah.

You know, like leaving horses. I would marry a manatee if I was allowed to just because it would. Oh, manatee is a just for the picture. Mythical and wonderful. They're adorable. They're like the lobes of bread in the sea. You can still take pictures of yourself in a manatee. I would love to get a picture of myself and a tux and a manatee and a.

What would the manatee be wearing? A bridal gown or a veil at least for tradition. You got to be careful because those manatee bridal veils get caught in the propellers. Yeah. Do you sell those? Huh? Do you sell those? I haven't branched out into aquatic animals yet, though.

Oh. But, you know, more clothes for animals. Anything you could put, you know, I just think that animals with clothes is not only adorable, but necessary. You should make dog costumes for dogs, like, so that they could dress up as other cats. As are dogs. That's what everyone, you know, that's, you know, it's not like when we have Halloween costumes, we dress up as other humans. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like a slutty dog costume. Yeah. But anytime you put a costume on a dog, it's always to make them something. else, like a hot dog or a Frankenstein. Yeah, you know, I mean, let dogs see other dogs. I tried that, but you know, we had a spuds McKenzie costume. We had a Bark Obama. Well, that's not another dog.

Well, it sounds like it is, Bark Obama? I mean, we all know the human president Barack Obama. Right, right. Wait, have you never heard of this guy, Bobby? That's another thing. Another black fella, like Chris Rock. Hey, great that we have a black president. why not a dog president?

Exactly. Air Bud. Sure. Is Air Bud still alive? No. Wait, what was that? Oh, my God. No, it's not it.

Sorry, man. Was that one of those transformers? Yeah, I believe that was Optimus Prime, passing by outside. Could be. Yeah. What do you think about those guys? You know, that mean, that stuff, it's ridiculous. I don't really have any strong opinions about it.

It distracts me from my work. What is the point of clothes for dogs? dogs because they don't have shame, do they? Excuse me? Do they have shame? Do dogs possess the shame that humans have? Well, we're working on that. We're working on that.

Do you think that that is like nature or nurture? Could you teach dogs shame of their privates? Oh, absolutely you can. It involves a lot of muzzle holding, eye contact, and very stern tone of voice. Yeah. What you have. Yeah, you possess that, definitely. I do. I'm a little frightened of you, honestly.

Well, you know, the funny thing is I've devoted my life to this work, and I don't know if you know this, but dogs don't like me. Really? You'd think I have an affinity with them. That's not true. Do you like them? Mm-hmm. Okay, but they don't like you back. Not at all. Is it because you have a store that sells some things that they shouldn't have?

You know, I don't know if they know that right at first when they meet me. It's just something they learn later. Yeah. But their general first impression of you is not... I've been told, I've been told there's something about my mannerisms that go straight to the dog amygdala, which is the rage and attack center of their brain. It stimulates that. Wait, who's that? So what is going on outside?

Is it Transformers 4 actually being shot outside? That is a very racist transformer outside. Are there any black transformer trucks? There were. There were in the first one. Who was voiced by Eddie Winslow from the Family Matters. Brother to Michael Winslow. Is that, well, I believe Eddie Winslow was his character's name.

I don't know what the guy's real name was, but he was the brother on family matters. Yeah. So, so dogs don't like you, but that doesn't keep you from doing your work. That's kind of noble in a way. Of course not. You know how Jewish people fought for civil rights? No. In the 50s and 60s?

Sure. Gene Hackman did a thing about it. Oh, right? Yeah, that's great. Just in the same way, I will not rest until, even if they, you know, they don't like me. That's okay. Dan, I will not stop until dogs are considered equal to human beings. I mean, well, think about it.

When you, when you, when you go around and you drive, what are the street signs? What are they written in? Words. Normally. Human words. Human words. Why? So, you don't think dogs would like to know where they go?

Well, that's fine. Oh, yeah. What is your suggestion then to have a street sign that isn't, doesn't have any writing on it that just barks that has like a speak of, I got that in one. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, I can see that. I mean, maybe both. It would be a little confusing because you would have to have big breeds and small breeds

have different languages, so you would have two simultaneous barks. Right, yeah. Screaming out at you. And it needs to be really loud. I feel like you should go for dog cars before the dog street signs, like, because they got to learn how to drive. You got to make those tiny. Dogs, dogs drive.

They do? They do? They actually drive. Yeah. The media doesn't want you just the same. I mean, well, I guess we're talking about 9-11 now, but talking about things that they don't want you to know. I have no idea. Things that they don't want you to know.

Let's tamp that down. I've never seen a dog drive. You know, it was interesting. I have a dog. We all know that. Rocky. We all know that. You know Rocky?

Of course I do. What did he think of you? Has he gotten my top hats? I keep sending him top hats. I thought they were mine. I keep sending him back because they're too small. Oh. Sorry about that.

I'll try to put one on Rocky next time. Dog habadashery has been one of my passion since I was a child. That's a separate passion than what you do as your profession. Sure. So, but we were talking about my dog today about how it has a birth certificate. Oh, good. Oh, good. And I was wondering why it doesn't have a social security number.

Well, again, 9-11 did not happen. Okay. And if you go back there, the record, you know, in the world trades, It's a tower one. Mm-hmm. There was a file. It's called the United States dog option. They found that, I thought.

No, they were. Yeah, they found it today, like earlier this morning. It's a go. You, are you not on your phone? Are you? Are you? I'm not kidding you. They found it.

This is huge. Yeah. It was right in front of Madame Cousseau. This exposes, this is bigger than the Area 51 files being released. Yeah. This lets us know without a doubt about the conspiracy against dogs. 9-11 was all to keep, it was all about the suppression of information regarding the government. No, we know all this.

We read the story about it. We're the ones telling you. Okay. Yeah. We read it. Six minutes ago they found it. It's a six minutes ago, yeah. It's a big story.

I'm surprised that you haven't heard about it. I mean, it seems like you'd be jacked it like you'd get alerts or something. We read it during the song. Yeah. That's what we do is we peruse dog websites. That's why it was the government totally time. You guys are very informed. That's great.

A lot of people are not, you know, are not hip to this. Do you listen to Progressive Radio? Is that how you know about this? Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Are you, do you have a radio show, by the way? I do not, no. You should, though.

Totally should. Oh, I would love to. You have a great voice. Well, I do have, I am on the Dog Whistle Network. Yes. I do have a thing that only dog can hear. Well, that's what I was talking about, yeah. Oh, yes.

I read this in your bio, so I was. Right. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. So a lot of people think that it's just a station between the stations. Not true. It's just, and they think it's just total silence, but it's actually just dog whistles. Right, right.

Yeah. You can, the best signal, you'll see where there's a bunch of what seemed like random car crashes. Mm-hmm. And that's because the decibels that I work in will shut down the electronics of most automobiles. Really? I heard that they're in the Beatles a day in the life, that there's a dog whistle in that. Can you confirm or deny that? I'd rather know talk about that.

Okay. Oh, boy. All right. That means there is. Yeah, why don't we take a little break? When we come back, we're going to talk more to Ozzy, and he has something exciting he wants to tell us about. And we'll be right back with Bobby Moynihan.

This is Comedy Bang Bang. This is Hashiu. And we'll be right back. Yeah. Yeah. It's cute. What? I think my sister's cute.

She's got a pretty good smile. I dream about kissing her lips. And mom says no, no, no. But oops. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss my sis on the lips. I kiss my sister on the lips. Short song. Are you enjoying that?

Sorry, everyone. The fellas, I was, we had some of my dog macaroons. That song could fit in a baby Bjorn. Then it's in. All right, this is Comedy Bang Bang, and we're here with Bobby Moynihan. Bobby, what do you think of this fellow, this Aussie fellow? You haven't met him before, right? I've only met him for a little while, and I can honestly say, I love him.

I trust him. I think he's the greatest. Do you want to, like, do you have any desire to, that's what you'd be if you were to a, Correct. He's right. Do you have any desire to invest in businesses? More than anything.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if Bobby became an investor, Ozzy, and he had a certain power over the company, what kind of changes, Bobby, would you like to make to his business? if you had some kind of majority stake in the business. It may not be the popular opinion,

but I'm a fan of dogs that don't have all their legs. Wheeled dogs. Well, even non-wheeled, I love seeing three-legged dogs, a lot of us are familiar with dogs with wheels for legs in the back. Yes. I am a pioneer of dogs with wheels for legs in the front. Like a roadster, like a speedster. They just push themselves along.

It's hard because sometimes they try to propel themselves, Like when the wheels are in the back, they can pull themselves along. Right. Wheels in the front, it's a little bit, it's kind of like one of a, like a slinky, I guess. Yeah. They stop with their face. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

It may not be the popular opinion, but I think those dogs are wonderful and there should be more of them. I think that is the popular opinion, isn't it? Are you suggesting amputation for dogs, just random mandatory amputation? I'm just saying, like, you know, people like, you know, you were saying you like cute, small dogs. I'm just saying... Again, that's part of the dogularity. A one-legged dog... I mean, anytime you see a dog walking around without one of its limbs, you automatically go, oh, cute.

I take it. Oh, you take it. I will forcibly take it. You know what's even better than that? Dog with an eye patch. Oh, my God. And I'm not talking about a vanity eye patch, one that really needs it. Serviceable.

Because you know that dog's been through some shit. Yeah. So, you know, it's down to earth. If it takes that eye patch off, I don't want to see an eye. Oh, no. It's like that scared straight episode. What about it like a glass eye, like a Sammy Davis Jr. type glass eye for dogs? You know what? It's just, it doesn't matter if it's a dog human glass eyes.

It's just kind of fucked up looking at that person. Yeah, no, I agree. I agree. I'm totally on board with that. So what about something like a Logan's Run type situation where a dog hits, let's see, Logan's run was 30, right? So a dog hits four and four and a third maybe. And then it's in our years or theirs? In their, well, no, in our years, it's four and a third. in their years, it would be about 30, right? We'll prove it.

That's true. God damn it, you're right. Okay. Well, anyway, I'm still going to keep going with my theory. There's a forced elimination once they reach a certain age. No, just a forced amputation where they go into a mill. I'm thinking more of a battle royale situation where they all send them to an island and they get a duffel bag.

Like that movie, the aisle, something, I can't remember. Battle Royale? The aisle, the battle royale? No, it was at Scarlet Johan's the aisle. Oh, Battle Royale. Yeah, Battle Royale, yeah. Like one of those movies. Are you talking about Battle Royale?

Yeah, definitely. Of course, yeah, we already agreed. What about something where dogs, like, could take revenge upon people who have mistreated them? Do you have any kind of suggestion for that? Well, do I have a suggestion for that? Well, steroids have been shown to activate anger. Sure. And stimulate focus.

So I think if we could do that, we give dogs steroids. You know, it could probably propagate some of that. Because if there's one thing I hate, it's people mistreating dogs. Yeah, definitely. So you're suggesting inject them with human growth hormone, perhaps? Yes. Yeah, a lot of it? I mean enough to get the job.

I mean, just for like a rampage kind of a, you know, just I would say like a seven and a half month period of anarchy. Just like murder rage? Yeah. Okay. That's a good idea. Yeah. What other kind of ideas could we spitfall about dogs? Bobby, you got anything?

By the way, I'm into all of these. Yeah, these are all amazing. Something that can make them walk on their hind legs all the time. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of true because right now they're taking up so much space. You know what I mean? If they were to walk on their hind legs, then we could have twice as many dogs. Saddles and a lot of people don't like this, but I say cutting off their front legs, you know, what other choice do you got? It's true.

I mean, unless you do want to wheel around, otherwise you just, you adapt. If you take off all the legs, you've got like a snake dog. That's a great idea. Snake dogs, they could burrow underneath the ground and create dog holes. And then our entire population would have like holes in the ground where dogs could like shimmy out of and bark at you. Right. And it would be like a nice surprise, like a jack in the box almost. Would that be your dream?

I mean, it's one of my dreams. The thing is, like most people, I fantasized about just having, you know, living in a cabin out in the woods. and the only source of warmth I had as limbless dogs. This is a big dog tube. I would just look like I was sleeping in a pile of baby hamsters that have been radiated up to a larger size. I mean, I don't know this. I don't know this for a fact,

but I'm guessing that that's how some Native Americans used to survive. Yeah. I own a forest in Cleveland. Do you? Tell me about this place. I bought it for $7. Yeah. when I was in Schenectady, New York.

I've heard of that place. Yeah. Yeah, it's right near Schenectady. Yep. Yeah. Right on the border. They're adjoining borders. Yeah.

And I bought, someone's like, you want to buy this forest? And I said, you know, this is going to come in handy one day. And I feel like right now it did. Do you hear about those places, the farms for dogs where dogs get sent to when they get too old? You know, like your dog gets too old and then they get sent to a farm, like upstate? Well, I do know they found a small island. It's sort of near Australia. It's where bad dogs and old dogs go.

And the dogs have mobilized and has started their own society. You know, they just left them out there thinking like, oh, they... It's kind of like Australia where they just said prisoners. Exactly. Exactly. And so bad dogs, they feed on the old dogs. It's all kinds of fucked up stuff going on down there. I mean, it's...

Like Lord of the Dogs out there. Yeah. Lord of the White House? Thank you. I'm sorry. Like the book? Lord of the Dogs. Oh, yeah, I read that.

By William Barkman. Well, you told me coming in here, you had a surprising announcement. You came in here with a big huge box and that said surprise on it, but I don't know if it's an actual thing or if there's just thoughts in there. So what exactly do you have to tell us, Ozzy? Okay. I'm going to show you guys something. Holy shit.

Now, be very careful. These are dog machine guns. Oh my God. Oh, no. I'm here to announce that I am. I have mobilized a dog revolution. Okay. The raging attack, the steroid, rage and attack program has been initiated.

Okay. Okay. Seven months of chaos. Protocols. Protocols what now? Protocol zero. I almost said the pro calls of Zion. That's not.

That's a different thing that I'm really into. That's Lawrence Fishburn. No, that's the racist track. Right. That's all about the Hebraic, So protocol Zero is what now? It's dogs are taking over the earth.

Okay. With machine guns. Yeah. With machine and that kind of automatic weapons or? Yep. Yeah, automatic. I mean, we do have some.

We have a thing where you can put a rocket launcher on a wiener dog and then a bigger dog will trigger it. Is the rocket bigger than the weeder dog? It is. It's adorable. It's adorable. Yeah. It's very adorable.

Oh, wow. I can't wait to see that. And if you, if you, you know, sometimes you can get a thing where they're walking behind to hedge and it'll just look like, if you're on the right side of it, it'll just look like a floating missile. Wow. A very slow missile. God, I would love to see that.

A jaunty missile. So I've just wanted to let you guys know, I'm giving you these guys, these guns so that thank you. They will know that you are friendly. Because they don't want to follow you. I don't want to have one for the engineer, so I'm afraid you're going to be murdered. Sorry, Frank. Sorry, Chris.

You say you're mobilizing the army, but they don't like you. So are you suggesting that we lead the army? No, no, no, no. It's all underway. It's all underway. No, no, no. It's happening right now? Yeah, right now there is, you can't hear it, but there is a signal calling all dogs to arms.

Oh, is it on that radio program that you host? It's part of that network, yeah. Oh, yeah. Why do we all listen to that station? Oh, because you can't hear it. Hours and hours on end. Oh, man, that was a mistake. So dumb.

So dumb. So you may want to call your loved ones. No. Okay, I'm good. Yeah. Because it is inevitable, and I just wanted to say we probably should not leave the studio. Okay, I'm good with that. I'm fine staying here for the rest of my life.

Well, for at least seven and a half months. Yeah. Okay. Just the four of us? Sure. So what do we do with the guns now? If we have to go out, it's to protect ourselves. And also they will see that that is the signal.

If they see a human with a dog gun, then they know that we are friendly. We're friendly. Yeah. That's good. But I don't know if I trust that. Even you? Mm-hmm. Seems like if you don't trust your own system, that's a problem.

I won't say that it's not a problem. Okay. But I also won't say that it's a problem. Okay, all right. Well, what do you guys want to do while we're here for seven and a half months? You want to play a game? Yeah, I totally do. What do you got?

I just wanted to watch Roots. Oh, you've never... I have, as you know, I have videotapes lining the walls here. I was going to say, yeah. And I have all but the last 12 episodes of Roots. So I have the first one where they're in Africa. Great. Yeah.

I say we start with that, or... I'm a fan of Roots, too. What was this game you were talking about, Ozzy? Because before we watch Roots, we may just want to watch Roots, but let's hear about the game. Okay, it's called Two Truth and a Lie. Okay, I say three things. Two of them are true.

One of them is a lie, and you guys have to guess which one's the lie. Okay, great. My first dog was a border collie. Okay. I'm not sure how to handicap that one. Let me hear the others before. So far it sounds pretty false. My, the first dog.

treat that I made was a snick-a-doodle. Okay. Sorry, snicker poodle. Ah, that's funny. Consistencies, though. I was going to say it was a lie until he said snicker-boot. Yeah, I get it. And 9-11 happened the way that the government told us.

Okay. Wow. All right. Yeah, I would say the lie is the border collie one. Yeah, I'm going to say that, too. Yeah. Yeah. Wrong.

Hmm. Okay. Why is that 9-11 was not, it did not go down the way that the government would have you believe. What is your theory? Well, I talked about it earlier. There was a protocol's, protocol zero. But who did it though? Who actually is it, a lot of people think Bush.

Wake up, Scott. Oh, shit. Am I asleep? Cats. Cats did it. Well, what happened? What? Cats?

Yes. Wow. Yeah. Does Andrew Lloyd Weber know about this? he'd have an opinion at least I don't know didn't he have a stroke or something I thought he had Bell's palsy

he had something weird with his face where half his face was paralyzed I don't think so no no I think that's just his normal face I thought something happened to him yeah something did happen to him his face exploded did it explode

I think so does it explode wait are we talking about Andrew Lloyd Weber or who are you thinking of Lloyd Andrew Weber I was thinking of Christopher Lloyd Weber oh he's It's great.

Yeah. I love him. His face exploded. Yeah. Roger Rabbit. Yeah. Well, we're stuck here, so we may as well. What are the games do you have?

I thought you always had fun games. No, we'll have a game. Tell you what, why don't we play the last song that I ran out of songs? This is the last song I brought, but I guess we'll just have to play this on the show for the next seven and a half months. Do you have the dog's barking jingo bell song? Ah, I wish I had that one. What would you, although wouldn't that attract the dogs to the studio if we played that? Well, we have the guns, so where it's a 50-50 chance will survive.

And believe me, they are so busy murdering humans right now. Are you suggesting that we use these dog guns to murder other dogs? Or other humans to help the dogs? I'm saying you got to do what you got to do to survive. I'm saying that if a dog sees you, I put a program into the audio signal that if they see a human with one of these dog machine guns, they will recognize this person as a friend. I don't know if it worked. It seems like a strange system you've set up here

I mean like at first you're a strange system I'm glad that you recognize that It makes me think you're not as crazy as I thought you were Yeah for me and thank you safe For a brief shining second I thought you were a little crazy For one brief shining moment I get that in Camelot All right tell you well why don't we go to a song

This is Laura and Sarah Silverman And when we come back we'll try to fill some more time I guess we have seven and a half months to kill So yeah I hear a lot of trucks and transformers outside the window but not a lot of dogs, I have to say. No point. Wait a minute. Hold on.

Is that what I think it is? I just pissed myself. Here we go. Ozzie, I want you in on this. I say we bark it. I say we bark it. Okay, let's bark it. We'll do it in the dogs language, so they understand and recognize us as friends.

This is our plane break, but we're going to bark the lyrics. Normally we sing them. All right, here we go. This is what we do when we don't want people to hear the planes going over there. Oh, oh, I didn't know. So are you going to say bark or are you going to say wolf? I might howl. Okay.

Oh, that was a good one. Yeah. Do you think they heard it? That was fun. I feel like that helped our cause. Yeah. You know there's an open mic night for dog music. Really?

Well, I guess it's probably too late. It was at the Pigeon whistle. Ironic, I know that's weird. Did a lot of the dogs get confused about that? They thought they were going to eat pigs. And then they're like, oh, sing a songwriters. No, thank you. They both have corkscrew-shaped penises, though, so we're okay.

Dude, dogs don't have corkscrew-shaped penis. Really? What happened to your dog? He just, he worked at a wine store. Oh. Most of his life. Yeah, that's tough. Cats have barbed penises.

That's true. You know that. Yeah. Yeah. It's a tough job, but, you know, it works work. Yeah. You know what I mean? and, you know, it's a recession.

You take what you can get. Yeah, totally. Until the seven months of anarchy and chaos. Is your dog a salmonee? I'm sorry? A wine steward? Yeah. He just works.

He worked at a liquor store for 16 years. Wow. Yeah. 16 dog years? Yes. Oh, wow. Great. It was only two days.

Wow. Prove it. I can't. Oh, all right. We'll tell you what. We'll go to a song. We'll come right back. This is Comedy Bagbag.

Dry Sheets Ice Cream. Jelly beans Say my favorite things Got me My favorite things Excuse me, sorry Hi, it's Scott Augerman

I'm back with Comedy Bang Bang And we have Bobby Moynihan from this now here Oh, thank you The reviews are in And we have Ozzy Patinkin No relation From the bakery for dogs And a lot of stuff going on

We peaked up the windows during that break That is Yeah, a lot of stuff going on Dogpocalypse out there. The streets are running over with blood. Yeah. With the blood of the dog oppressors. Mm-hmm.

And some innocence, too. Yeah. It's probably a couple of innocents. Sure. There's probably a couple innocents. Yeah, I mean, we don't have to tell the listeners. I mean, they've gone through it already. At this point, I don't know if this is live.

Yeah. I mean, this is probably... We're probably doing this for nothing. Podcasts don't exist, but dog casts might. They might. I mean, if anything, they're... There's just a bunch of dogs with dried blood all over the muzzles and some general hats. I love when you say muzzles so much.

It's so cute when you say. It's such a picture. Yeah. All right. Well, you know, since we're doing this for ourselves, let's just entertain ourselves, you know? If you're out there and you're listening, bring food. Yeah. Right.

Leave it outside. You can't come in. Because Bobby ate all of our food during that last break. Almost immediately. I apologized. I wasn't even hungry. It was a lot of food, too. It was.

Yeah. Panic. No gag reflex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He just ate, he just ate like five barrels of survival rice. Yeah.

I had a 50 piece chicken nugget. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And a barrel of rice. Yeah. You just let the rice cook in your stomach. Is that the idea? Well, I'm going to, yeah, I'll probably just, I'm going to go tanning later and see what happens.

You might expand, you know, when that rice. That's what I'm hoping. Yeah. Good. Um, all right. So, uh, it's time to play a little game. And this will pass the time, right? A little game.

called Would You Rather? Woof you rather? Not bad. Okay, woof you rather. All right, it's time to play Woof You Rather. This is Andrew Lloyd Weber. Yes, of course.

And Jeremy Piven. We all know how this is played. People send me Wolf You Rather scenarios at CBBWIR, where the W. Stands for Woof. And I'll read them to you and then I'll open up the floor for questions and then we'll figure it out.

We'll fucking hash your shit out. All right, Jake Python, on Twitter, Robert Piquette. He asks, whof you rather, skank instead of walk, or cabbage patch whenever you talk to someone

wealthier than you. Would you rather skank instead of walk? Which one, skank? Skank is the ska kind of crossing your legs and, like, sort of jogging in place. I thought it was just like, just blow anything

I walk the by. Skank or cabbage patch. Do you guys have questions? Um, do you have to do you have to do you dress like a rude boy all the time to get around? In which scenario? In which scenario? In the skank so you can do the in the skanking scenario. Yeah.

Yeah, you have a pork pie hat. You have a three piece suit. High water, uh, right trousers and, um, two-tone shoes. Okay. And, uh, checkered, uh, socks. I'm ready to answer. Really? That narrowed it down for you.

Wow. Um. But I will say that you do not get this outfit for free. It takes up all your money. You're kind of a clothes horse. Right. A lothtario? Yeah, actually, you are a horse, too, in that scenario.

No, no. You're a horse who, no. You're a horse who dresses like a rude boy. I will not do that. Well, don't vote yet. If it's got a, not, not, no, not if it's a horse. Well, don't vote yet because you don't know about the other scenario. Yeah.

Okay, what is the other scenario? The other, you cabbage patch, whenever you talk to someone, wealthier than you. And you're a leopard. A leopard? Yeah, you're a leopard. But you're a leopard. But you're also a leper. Yeah. You smell like baby powder like most cabbage badge kids do. Yeah, of course. And most lepers do. That's true. Yeah. A lot of lepers smell like spam because they're in Hawaii, not one weird island. Spam island. Right? You know what I'm talking about. There was a leopard call it. Oh, yeah, spam and pineapple. All right. So anything about either of these scenarios, you're in one, your skank, You're a horse who dresses like a rude boy who skanks instead of trotting, I guess, is what it should say.

In the other scenario, you are a leopard who is also a leper, who smells like baby powder, and you cabbage patch whenever you talk to someone wealthier than you. Human or leopard, by the way. Anyone who's got more my mind. If there's a leopard that's a more wealthy leopard than you get. Got it. Yeah. Any other questions about either of these scenarios?

Do you have to own any of the music at all? The publishing rights, you mean? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Like a real big fish or a, yeah. You always own the publishing rights. Let's go bowling. Mephasopheles.

Scott King Crab. Sure. What up? Face. Jiker. Yeah, lots of old bands. Anyone else? Scofflaws.

Skas, scat, poo poo. Yeah. Anyone else? Peter Skar. Skard. Skar, go on. Yeah, you own the pub. You own the pub.

Skah, go on. The Chupascabram. You own the pub to all those bands, yeah. Yeah, I own all the rights to most of those, yeah. Already. Very, very large musical library. You're always a leopard, right? No, no, you change.

Only when you interact with wealthy people. No, you are able to ascend into different life forms, higher life forms as you do good deeds. Now, how do you know the person is wealthier than you, just from their top hat in Monaco? By the way, by the way, you're cabbage patching. Huh? By the way, you're cabbage patching. Yes. Yeah.

Oh, that's good. You just start doing it. So it's just, it's automatic. It's in, it's your, it's known. Yeah, it's in the medulla oblongata. See, that's a plus. Yeah. Because then you always know how much money people have.

Yeah. Which is the only thing that matters. Yeah. You only have $1 in your bank account, though. So most of the times. But I have four million bank accounts. That is a great, yes, of course. Yeah.

You have four million bank accounts. So you have $4 million. Yes. A lot of people. male. Yeah. I refuse to go paperless. I like that tactile experience.

Me too. You know, I just feel more. Yeah. It's very satisfying to deposit a check. You have very dry fingers, by the way. You just like, they're just weathered with paper cuts.

Oh, no, there's a dog bites. Oh. Yeah. What are you thinking right now? Well, I'm always thinking about dogs. But in this scenario, I'm leaning towards the leopard. So you're leaning towards the leopard.

What about the magician who controls you in that scenario, though? Oh, shit. There's a magician that controls me? Yeah, you see, you haven't asked about him. Wait, I'm supposed to just ask every possible scenario. Why do you think you're doing the cabbage patch? I'm doing the cabbage patch because it has something to do with the economics of this world. Of course, but that's because of the magician who's controlling you.

Who is it, Alan Green Span? Is he the magician? Yes, of course. It's him. And he doesn't like you in the least. So he makes you do embarrassing things like the cabbage patch. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Okay.

Well, then I would have to reconsider it. And is it, am I a horse in the other one or just wearing a horse costume? Great question. You're a horse wearing a horse costume. See, you need to open up that. I might open up that business. Yeah. No one's going to be alive to.

Yeah. Yeah. Really all this is moot. Yeah, because we're all going to. No, no, no. Whatever you choose, you transport your consciousness into that scenario. Oh. Yeah.

Have you never played this game before, guys? I'm sorry. No, there are alternate dimensions all around ourselves. Every time we play this, you swap consciousnesses with whoever's in that alternate dimension. Ozzie and I had the travel version that we played. Right. We had never played it here, the home version. Yeah, so whatever you choose, you're stuck with it.

So choose wisely, my friend. Okay. Okay. Do you want to do it at the same time? Are there any other magician-type scenarios? Is there anything controlling the magician? Oh, yeah, definitely. Okay.

I feel like you should have said that. There's a dog controlling the magician. Oh, then I'd want to do that. Don't vote. Don't vote yet. Don't vote yet. But guess what? It's a dog magician. Well, great. How do you feel about that? I love it.

Slide of paw. I love that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. All right, well, any other questions before we open? Is it David Doggerfield? It may be. It may be. You're right. It may be. I don't know, but it may be.

They always make, it just makes cats disappear. Yep. Sounds like a conspiracy name. I do. I have another question. Oh, yes. Can I vote now? Yes, I'm closing the floor for questions.

Here we go. All right. First, I'm going to go to Bobby. Bobby, do you, would you rather be the horse wearing a horse costume that skanks instead of walking wears a rude boy outfit, which uses all of its money? Or what is that? Just a truck. Just a shh, shh, truck.

Or would you rather? Bumblebee? A bumblebee? We should have a song for a bumblebee. Or would you rather be, The leopard who's constantly transforming, who's the familiar to the magician that controls you, controlled by the dog magician who's doing performing slide of paw. Cabbage Patches, $4 million in $4 million bank accounts.

How do you like to vote? I'm going cabbage patch. Why is that, sir? I like to smell like baby powder because I don't know if you know this, but I'm a large baby. You're a large baby yourself. Wow, I didn't know that about you. How old are you? Right now?

Yeah. Six. I didn't know. What? Old. I didn't know that about you. Your little baby? A tiny little baby.

A tiny little fat baby. I swear that I've seen you on that program, though, for like the past three years. That's not me. No? Who are you? Right now? Yeah. The large baby.

Is this one of those dimensional things? Yeah. Oh, I forgot. Okay. So you've just voted, so your consciousness has been swapped. Yeah. Yeah. So you're the best.

baby now I see your consciousness was swapped and now you're a baby. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Okay. Ozzy, how do you like to vote? I have thought about this long and hard. Yeah. You're sweating. Yeah.

I am going to go with, this is a surprise even to me with the horse scenario. Wait a minute. Because the minute I said horse, you came out against it. You were ready to vote right then. I love the way that rude boys dress. Right. I think it's really cool. It is.

and frankly, I'm a fan of the music. I like the theatrics. I mean, the steady beat is one thing, but I love the, you know. The rock steady beat. Horns. Oh, horns, and they're fun. There's costumes. Yeah.

They'll do skits on stage. Yeah. You know, a lot of those hip-hop guys, they never do the skits on stage. No. You know, why you really should. They should read that. They should do like a Mr. Robato kind of rock opera type of thing. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, where they're doing the skits and they're, murder people and they, you know. I think Biggie would still be around if he had actually had sex with that girl on stage and then threw her off the bed. Of course. Which is a sketch from the bigies. Of course, yeah.

So, so purely out of a love for the music and the theatrics, you're voting for the... And the clothes, yeah. Okay. Well, I have the results. And thankfully, you switched at the last minute because, yes, that is the correct answer. You are the winner, Ozzy. Oh, I didn't even know there was a winner to this. There is a winner, yeah.

There's a winner to would you rather? There is, and now it's time to transform your consciousness into that scenario, and here we go. It's so weird. Excuse me, who are you, sir? Oh. Sir? Huh? Oh, my God.

Hi. I'm Scott Ackerman. This is Bobby Moyni. Or this is the baby. Oh, large baby. Who are you, sir? Who are we talking to now? Oh, my God.

My name is... Do you not know your name? I'm sorry, I know it takes a little time for you to acclimate. My name is Nestor Blood Vessel. You know Buster Blood Vessel? Yeah, from the Bad Manners? Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a son. Oh, my God! Yeah, that's my son. I'm Buster. Hey, Buster? Yeah, I brought my son here. You'd think I would let him go without me? Hey, Dad, maybe that one time we caught Bullfrog.

That was the greatest day in my life. I love you, son. I love you, too. Oh, my gosh. What a touching family reunion right here on the show. When we see a person, we don't have to do anything different. I kind of didn't understand what you say, but I love you nonetheless. No, I understand.

I have some friends that are leopards, and whenever they see somebody richer than them, they have to do the stupid dance. Poor damn. Yeah. Well, guys, it's a pleasure to have you both on. What happened to the baby? It's still here. Okay, good.

Well, that's, of course, how you play. Would you rather? Let's hear a truncated version of the theme song. There we go. All right, here we go. We just have one thing left for Bluster Blood Vessel and Nestor Blood Vessel and the large baby to partake in. That is, of course, the What's Up Hot Dog Memorial Plugs. No, Scott Ackerman.

Comedy bang, bang. I don't need all this show. I mean, I already know what they're listening to. This is plugs. Guess we really hate to see you go before you leave. Please tell us about your TV show Or the stand-up you're doing in a week or yourself Maybe a movie or a charity we need to know plugs

Yeah, that is by Jason Lourdes That was a good one. Enjoyed that. All right, big baby What do you have to plug? I'm gonna be crying later. Okay, great. Nest your blood vessel Oh, don't be scared You got this kid

I just get nervous Don't get nervous, you're the best. Oh, okay. Got some more oats? Of course. Be careful. It's a new feed bag we just got him. It's made of leather.

I'm going to be pulling people on a skanking hay ride at the Apple range. It's fun for all ages. Not all ages, but... At around sunset. Wait, which ages are not? They're going to put on a horse hat, one of those straw horse hats with my ears poke out at the top. Mm, yeah. It's adorable.

Also? Also, yeah. We're hanging on your everyone. He sometimes he chokes on some oaths. Oh, sorry. My band Scott Belong Cassidy. He's going to be playing down at New Georgia. They all amazing.

Yeah. Thank you so much. He's a number one fan right there. I own the rights to all the 50s, you'll think. So it's good for me too. That's great. I have a question before we go. What is that next to you?

Oh, yeah. That red box with the light on top of it. Oh, yeah. That's a surprise for all of you. I was going to open it at the very end. the show. I can't wait. Can we open it now? I guess. I mean, the show's just about over. I mean, we haven't. Okay, guys, well, let's open this up. I mean, it's time, right? All right? You ready? Let's do this. It could be a good surprise. It could be a bad surprise. Okay. Are you ready

to face the consequences, whatever it is? We're all going to die anyway. Yeah, because of the dogpocalypse happening right now. All right, the red light's blinking and when it blinks very, very fast, that's when I open it up, okay? Okay. Okay, it started to blink very, very fast. I love you, dad. I love you, too, son. Okay, let's all hold to hands because we don't know what's happening. All right, here we go. And I'm opening it up. Yeah.