Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Time Bobby 3 (Paul F. Tompkins, Bobby Moynihan)

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

On this weeks Bonus Bang, the man, the myth, the music maker Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber returns to Comedy Bing Bong only to encounter a 90-year-old gentleman complete with a full white beard by the name of Fourvel. Could this old chap be the same stabby lil’ orphan boy from the past? Tune in to find out! (Originally released as episode #286 on 5/12/14) Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

Hey everyone, this is Scott Aukerman and welcome to another Bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs, of course, are when we re-release great, great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from behind the paywall. And we are in the middle of a great series right now. Look, I've said these episodes are great and this is a great series, it fits.

These are, of course, the Time Bobby episodes. We're in the middle of re-releasing these. This is a great series, it fits. These are of course the Time Bobby episodes. We're in the middle of re-releasing these. And coming up now we have Time Bobby 3, the third in the series. This was originally released on May 12, 2014 as episode 286. It features Paul F. Tompkins as Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Bobby Moynihan as a 3'1

inch tall old man with a long white beard. Is this God or could he possibly be Forville the time traveling stab happy orphan? We don't know. You gotta listen to this to find out. Now if you enjoy this and you want to hear other episodes featuring either Paul F. Tompkins or Bobby Moynihan or other people, become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives,

every live show, ad-free new episodes, and bonus shows like CBB Presents, Scott Hasn't Seen, College Town, The Neighborhood Listen. We have all of the past episodes from the archives. So much stuff over there. We're gonna be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, Stanza's final stanza awaits you, grim with tired limb. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you, the Voblex, for that incredible. Oh, all of the Voblex contributed to that catching freeze. Do you own a Voblex, by the way?

Yep, you know, I'm embarrassed to say, I bought one. I never use it. It's under the bed? Yes. Yeah, I understand. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you. And to the listener, welcome to you as well., I understand. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you. And to the listener, welcome to you as well.

But I originally... First me, then the listener. Then the listener, because of status. Status. And I, first of all, am Scott Aukerman. And boy, before we get to it, weather report. Just in this room, kind of hot. I'm wearing kind of a bulky sweatshirt.

It's hot in this room. It certainlyirt. It's hot in this room. It certainly is. It's hot in this room. Are you doing your vocal warmups first, by the way? It's hot in this room. It's hot in this room. All right. I gleaned a green gargantuan thing.

Oh, the classic warmup. I gleaned a green gargantuan thing. Of course we could go on, but we don't have time. And so we will. Yes, great, here we go. And ten more minutes. Rrraaather bother. Father weather.

Weather report. Go. Okay, very hot in Los Angeles here today. Yes. I don't know what's going on. I mean, it seems as if the weather fluctuates. I personally- It does seem that way.

I would prefer it to remain constant. This heat is only fit for mad dogs and this guy. Hey, by the way, who has two thumbs and likes it hot? I've always meant to ask you that. Englishman. Okay, so every Englishman- Every English who has two thumbs and likes it hot? I've always meant to ask you that. Englishmen. Okay. So every Englishman. Every Englishman has two thumbs.

Has two thumbs. Okay, that's well established at this point. The thumbs of Englishmen are a constant seer. Because you need them to constantly give the royal queen the thumbs up. Yes. Yes. She needs a lot of affirmations. Encouragement. Yes. You're doing great, affirmations. Encouragement.

Yes. You're doing great, Your Majesty. Keep it up. Yep. Of course, Queen Victoria used to roam the kingdom and ask passersby, how am I doing? Didn't she have a number as well? Like a 1-800 number?

Yes, she did. Ask me. Who was the first one of its kind ask me how I'm doing ask me how I do it don't like my governing call 1-800 each it's a well of course those days you can come right out say that yeah no at those days you had to spell the numbers out yes yeah it was, it was... And then as you were doing it, you realized, wait a minute, hang on, I'm being told to die in a most unseemly fashion. But I would love it.

I would love it. I think that if you move to a place, there should be a constant temperature, and then just that's your lot in life. But only if you move to a place, there should be a constant temperature, and then just, that's your lot in life. Yes, but only if you move to a place. Now, the thing that's throwing it off is native Angelinos. If they would all leave, the weather will remain constant. If the last surviving native Angelino were to leave the county lines... To move somewhere else.

What could we do to get them outside of the county lines? How do we incentivize it, you're saying? Yes, entrapment. Or trick them. Is it an incentive, or is it a trick? Well, I guess a trick is like an incentive with no reward. What about an illusion? Oh, David Copperfield's.

Yes, yes. What are you? I was looking to turn myself up because I can barely hear myself and I love to hear myself in this I It's a blessing to hear one's own voice. Yes amplified Microphone IGLI. Mm-hmm and to have to have upon one's head. Yes heading phones heading phones The very contraptions with which to hear those words Now let me introduce me yes, but let me introduce myself, or did I not already? Did I say my name is Scott Aukerman and this is Comedy Bing Bong?

I can't imagine anyone, guys. Okay, great. Well then, let me introduce... Are you a guest? Let me introduce you... Is that one of yours? No. If only it were. And as I recall, it was Let Me Entertain You as well, but was the original version of that

introduced? I was doing a parodical version of it. Oh, are you getting into song parodies? The Vicar of Yanks, weird Alan Yankovic. Where is the Vicar of Yanks these days? We just had him on the show recently. I understand he purchased a satellite. Did he?

Yes. He purchased an entire satellite up in the air? Yes, to leave. Or do you mean a satellite dish? Oh! Up in the air! Yes, not one on the ground. Like George Clooney?

That's right. Oh! Up in the air! And then of course George Clooney was also in gravity! What is he? He's a spaceman! What is his obsession with space travel? He loves the sky.

He does. And practical jokes. Do you think that someday he'll turn his career to under the ground, like some sort of mole man type of career? I do. I believe that most devoutly. Tears of consummation devoutly to be wished, of course.

You have two wishes left. Oh, good boy. I'll save those up for another program. But you know him as the writer of several musicals, including, gosh, I wanna say Annie... Hall? No. I was gonna say-

That's not a musical, lord did I write it. I just said Annie, hoping you would cosign. You did not, but then I'm gonna go for Get Your Gun. Oh, the musical Annie. Yes. Then there's Annie Get Your Gun. I wrote no Annie-centric musicals. They should make more Annie musicals, shouldn't they?

I think they should make three more. Okay, so Annie Hall, of course. Annie, we have Annie, Annie Get Your Gun, Annie Hall, Annie Way You Want It, that's the way you need it, Annie way you want it, la la la la la la. We've talked about Jukebox Musical several times, I feel like. Yes, Jukebox Musical. Who was it that you wanted to do a Jukebox Musical for?

There was a certain artist that you're obsessed with. Well, there was the vicar of yanks. Thomas Kinkade, the Pater of Light. Yes, I believe it may have been that. If only he were a songwriter, what do you think his songs would be like? Uh, let's see. What would, if Thomas Kinkade were a songwriter,

I'm trying to set you upon a path to maybe inspire you. I'm being inspired. A country cottage covered with snare. This is beautiful. A single candle glows in the window pane. Lord Webber! I had read recently that you don't want to write musicals anymore. No.

What is it? No, you don't want to write musicals anymore. I don't want to write musicals anymore. What? Why? I think I've said all that needs to be said. So let's see what you've said. You've said the Josie, Josie, Josie and the Pussycats.

Yes, right. Okay. So that was your first one. And then G-E- G-E- G-E, Smith, and the Saturday Night Live Band. Okay. So you have one of those. That's right. And then you did Eve of Destruction.

Eve of Destruction. And then, and then, Cut 2, Smash Cut 2. I did Smash Cut 2? If you're going to cut to something, Smash Cut 2. It's always, it gives so much more energy. I wrote Smash. Yes, you wrote the Smash musical, of course. The musical within the TV show Smash.

A lot of people didn't know that you wrote that. What was that again? The musical, the Marilyn Monroe musical in Smash? Bombshell! Yes, you wrote that. Yes. Yes, wow. I ghost-wrote it.

Yeah. Why did you ghost-write it? Why not put your name on it? I wanted to feel like a ghost. Why too successful? I thought you would give me a glimpse into the afterlife. Did you see anything? Yes.

Terrifying visions. Really? Yes. Is there a man with a big white beard sitting Terrifying visions. Really? Yes. Is there a man with a big white beard sitting on a cloud out there? No. There's a red fellow holding an oversized fork. A pitching fork? A pitching fork, yes!

The very thing! Oh my goodness, Andrew Lloyd Webber, I hope you never die because you have an eternity awaiting you. I feel as if hell awaits us all. Oh, that's nice. Anyway. So why are you not writing musicals anymore? Tell our listeners.

I would rather devote my remaining years on this planet. How many do you have remaining? I would say roughly 40. You think so. Yes, yes. Why? How old are you? How do you put it? Well, I mean, aren't you in your, I wouldn't not care to speculate how old you are it? Well? I mean you're aren't you in your?

Wouldn't not care to speculate how old you are, but I am a man of a certain age or seventh decade perhaps Thereabouts okay, so But lifespans are longer Scott that's true in the singularity. Oh, I can't wait for that singularity Oh my goodness. What is that again? We're all going to become ones and zeros yes We're all just gonna get our minds downloaded into machines and then we live forever. Yes. That's when I'll start composing again. Not until then, until the Singularity.

Yes, I'm waiting for the Singularity and then I'll be literally a songwriting machine. I've been called that many times, but I'm going to make it come true. Andrew Lloyd Webber is here. Hello. I think, welcome to the show by the way. Thank you. When was the last time you were on? I cannot keep track.

It's been quite a while. It's been a while. It's been a while. Since I've been on the program. Yes, of course. Welcome back to the show. You are one of our favorite guests or at least one that has been on a lot. Is that fair to say?

Oh, I was going to say, that's kind of you to say, but then I no longer needed to say that because you retracted the kindness with the second half of your question slash insult. Okay, great. So you've been on the show... I've been on the show several times. Several times. When did we first get to know each other? I think I enjoyed it once. Was that the time you had amnesia?

What? Okay, never mind. Didn't you have amnesia in one episode? How would I remember? Okay, sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up. I know that's a sore subject for you. I think the last thing someone who's had amnesia would remember is having amnesia, dear boy. I'm so sorry. I mean, one would think that you would remember the fact that you had it and you woke up from

it. I don't know why one would think that. I'm one and I don't think it. All right. All right. But welcome back to the show. And you, you know, it's been so many years we've been doing this show. We just celebrated.

It's been many, many years. We've just celebrated our fifth anniversary doing the show. Oh, congratulations. I think so. And, uh, you- How did you celebrate, by the way? Well, we had a- Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, Stop knocking on the table, Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm not knocking on the table. Why would I do that? It's distracting for you to knock on a table. I'm certainly not knocking on a table.

Well then, Engineer Cody, would you? Hello? Do you hear that? Are you alright, Cody? Hello? Is it this fellow? No. Wait, Cody, how are you saying hello without your lips move?

Hello? I feel as if there is a presence in this room. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to look to my left, and then I'm going to look to my right. That's a splendid idea. I shall do the same. I'm also, you know what? The hell with it. I'm going to throw in looking up as well.

All right. I say, I look down so all bases are covered. Oh, I'm going to look behind me, behind myself. I'm going to go left and right. I forgot about that one. So I'm going to do all of those. And you're-

Shall I do them concurrently or would you like me to wait my turn? You do them concurrently with me and then also add looking down, which I think is a all of those. And you're- Shall I do them concurrently or would you like me to wait my turn? You do them concurrently with me and then also add looking down, which I think is a waste of time. So I'm not gonna join you in that. Well, I'm a gentleman of leisure now, so I have the time.

Okay, well, shall we begin by looking to the left? Yes. All right, here we go. Oh, my left to your left. Ooh. We are facing each other. Camera left. That's always the opposite.

I'm sorry, stage left. Ooh, where the, stage left. Yes. Downstage, upstage, okay. Upstage is because the stage used to be on a rake. All around the town. Okay. Yes. Another vocal warm-up. We don't have time for that. All right. Let's look stage left. Here we go. And hmm. What was that sound effect? I don't know. Is the Great Kazoo appearing? Nothing there. Nothing there. Nothing stage left. Although I do hear that noise once again. I again heard a distinct hello.

Yeah, a greeting of some sort. Hello. There it is again. Nothing to the left, though. Nothing to the left. Shall we look stage right? Let us then look stage right. Huh.

Hello. Nothing. I did hear that hello right. Huh. Hello. Nothing. Nothing. I did hear that hello again. I heard the hello again. Well, but it's not to the right or the left. What should we do now? Up or behind ourselves? Let's look up. Okay, here we go. And?

Nothing, heavenward. Some fluorescent lights. Just the ceiling. Well, yes, nothing unexpected, I should say. That's true. I did see something. It's not a surprise that fluorescent lights are there. I saw four fluorescent lights I wanted to report back's true. I did see something. It's not a surprise that fluorescent lights are there. I saw four fluorescent lights. I wanted to report back.

I did as well. Thank you. Just to make sure we're simpatico on the same page. Certainly. I draw the listener. The joy is being included. All right, let's look behind us now, because this is where I believe we're going to be seeing

the source of this noise behind us. I say, how if I were to look behind you and you look behind me? Oh, okay, let's do that then. All right I feel we'll have to move each other's heads to the side. Yes Well, I think we can move our own heads to the side. I would prefer if you moved mine Oh, right. All right. Here we go. Yes Arrrrgh

Don't resist me. Stop fighting. Stop it. I'm not I'm unaccustomed to having commoners move my head Ah Nothing. Well, I! No, nothing. Well, I guess nothing's there. Hello? Well, there's one direction we have not looked. Now, you consider it a waste of time. I will not look down.

Allow me to do so. I think it's a waste of time. I don't know why you would do that, but I'll allow. Are you as I please? I'll allow. And I please as I do. But watch yourself. Hmm. Hello?

What? Scottrick, look! Hello? Look where? Look down where I'm looking! That. Please, Scotrick, I beg of you. Look down. I just wanted you to beg. How dare you. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down.

I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down.

I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'm not looking down. I'mled tiny man? I'm not looking down. Please, Scotrick, I beg of you. Look down. I just wanted you to beg. How dare you make a lord beg on the podcast?

Where else would you beg? No. All right, well, I'll look down then because, ow! Do you see this little wizened creature? What is that? Hello? He's a little man. He's a little old man.

We were talking about an old man with a white beard before. Yes. We were talking about what you call the... Speaks of Almighty God. But this is... I am not God. No one is God. No one can be God.

Only God. There can be no God but God. Correct. Yes. You have a... but you have a beard is what I think I was trying to say. You have a large white beard. Yes, glorious beard. It's glorious.

Lord Andrew, shall we describe what we're seeing to the listener? Yes, let's! Also maybe say hi. Oh, hello. Hello, little old man. Describe me. I know I don't know you and you don't know me, but... Just... that was kind of rude it you are you are correct, sir

It's just common common courtesy. I apologize. I apologize. Yes. I apologize on behalf of myself Don't scottrick and Her Majesty the Queen of England. Don't be a fucking asshole. Okay. Well, there's no call for that kind of language We have a little say hello well That would be rude. That's true, okay. Hell, oh. As they said in the old country, hell and then oh, which is the origin of that word.

There was a dash. Correct. Hello, strange visitor. Now can we describe you? Is that? Please do. Okay, well, this vision is- Three feet tall. Three feet, that's being generous!

Three foot one. Oh, I do apologize. Three foot one. Three foot one, which is about 37 inches high. I'm not positive on that, but... I just don't do math too good. And wearing sort of tattered clothes. Clothes of rags and patches. Like some sort of muffin made of rags. What? Like a muffin but made of rags, like a ragamuffin kind of thing.

I believe you're misleading the listener to thinking this fellow is wearing a muffin. Yeah, I'm not a muffin. No, but he's a lot like a muffin. He's a man. He's not a muffin, he's a man. Oh, little old man, I will say I fucking love muffins. Please, language. Sorry. You, okay, so... We all love muffins. Let's describe this, he loves muffins. Yes, he's a muffin lover.

He's tiny. He's wizened. A beard as long as he is. That's true, it's about 37 inches long, this beard. I'd say 34, because it starts at his chin. Sure. Rather than his head. But if you look all the way down to the ground,

it's about four inches that are dragging on the ground. It is dragging on the ground. Yeah, it's about 37, I would say. The end of my beard is very dirty. You're stooped. Elderly. Wizzent. Face, line.

Kind of shaped like a question mark. Care-worn hands. Your body is shaped like a question mark. Hair worn hands. Your body is shaped like a question mark. It's very interesting. Well, a fat question mark. Well, but what's interesting is why is the period separated from the rest of the question mark? How are you able to do that on your body?

It looks like your shoes are the period and then, do you know what I'm saying? I think it's that his socks are the same color as the wall. Oh, okay. Yes, yes. Well, hello, strange visitor. Hello to you. It's nice to be here. You're very strange and you're visiting us.

Thanks. Welcome to the show. This is a show. This is a podcast. This is a show. A show? Yes, you're on a show! When I was a kid on television, you would see shows that I don't see.

I don't see it, so I don't believe you. When he was a kid, he's saying, he used to watch television shows and you would see them. But he's not seeing this. You're telling me this is a show and I don't see nothing. Well, imagine we're on the other side of the television screen and also imagine. This isn't on television. That's That's black magic. I'm I don't I Don't know if I'm if I'm if I'm cool with that exactly white science Yes, the very opposite of black magic that I'm cool with okay, so

When you were a kid you used to watch television, I'm guessing you look about 90 years old. Yes, maybe ask her. Today is my 90th birthday. Oh, happy birthday to you! We would sing happy birthday to you. But we don't want to owe money to those two miserly croons, Mildred and Patty Hill. I dated both of those ladies. What? What's the difference?

When? My ex-girlfriend. Nineteen hundred. Uh-huh. You were born in 1924? Well, 90 years ago from today was when I was born. OK, 1924. 1937. What?

When you were 13 years old? Yeah, I dated both of them. I see. What a precucious 13 years old? Yeah, I dated both of them. I see. What a precucious child. Yeah. My goodness. So wait a minute. You were 13 years old.

If I'm remembering correctly, Patty Hill was born in 1868. Okay, everybody knows that. So wait a minute. I'm counting up. She would have been in her 60s when you dated her. Yeah, she was like in her 60s, yeah. So you had sort of a May, December romance? Yep.

I've always liked the older ladies, you know. It's more like a January, December romance. Yeah. Or February, the very minimum, at the bare minimum. More like- Perhaps a February, November. Yeah, or perhaps a little boy having sex with an older lady. Oh yeah, that's a little more of an accurate description.

You're 30, you're just a little boy having sex with an older lady. Oh yeah, that's a little more of an accurate description. You're 13, you're just a little boy. Yeah. I've always said though, if there's grass on the field, play ball. Yeah. I'm sure that it was... Correct. I've always said, if you got a penis, you might as well have sex with a 60 year old lady when it's time to do that. You've always said that? Ever since the day I was born. My goodness. 90 years ago. How long did you date Patty and then how did you date both of them and how long? Three part question. How long did you date Patty? How long did you date both of them?

Mildred. How did you date Mildred? And how long did you date both of them? You see, I was living on the streets when I was a kid. Rough and tumble sort of life. Yeah. Were you a ragamuffin? I was living on the streets when I was a kid. Hmm. Rough and tumble sort of life. Yeah. Were you a ragamuffin? I was. As pretty as it is got.

I was a little scamp. Ugh. An adorable little scamp. Were you an urchin by any chance? Oh, yeah. You would classify yourself as an urchin. Correct. Certainly.

I feel like I've met a street urchin, not a sea urchin. No. Oh, that's an important distinction. Yes. Very much so. A street urchin, not a sea urchin. No! Oh, that's an important distinction, yes. Very much so. But both of them, they must remain in their own element in order to survive. Correct. If you throw a street urchin in the water, he'll die.

He cannot beg copper coins. If you throw a sea urchin on the street, he'll die too. Very quickly, yeah. If you were an urchin of the land. Correct. And I feel like we've met someone like that in our lives. Yes, we have. I do like to think about it.

I can't recall who it was. I've done too many of these shows. I can't remember who it was. Remind me after the show. Certainly. In any case, three-part question go. Sue, the three parts were- Excuse me, I just threw up a little bit.

What is wrong? I'm very hungry. Outside of your mouth? I Excuse me, I just threw up a little bit. What is wrong? Outside of your mouth? I threw up... I somehow threw up outside my nose and it went in my mouth. Oh my. The worst experience I've ever had as a human being, I'm not gonna lie. I didn't enjoy the experience of hearing about it. I'm sorry you had to say that. I'm very old, my body is falling apart. Oh no, is it failing?

Yeah, I've been on the streets for way too long. How long have you been on the streets for way too long. How long have you been on the streets? Since I was a little baby boy. How long? So how long has it been? Yeah, it's been about it's got to be 89 and a half years at this point. So it's at six months, you were cast out. Well, at four months, the first two months, I lived with a very nice man. What was his? Oh, well, we don't need to hear about the nice man,

because we're in the middle of a three-part question. Yes, exactly. Are we even in the middle of it? In fact, maybe it's a very busy. I feel like we're just riding alongside it at this point. Yeah. Let's get to it. Let's jump into that sidecar of hilarity.

Indeed. And let's get into this. How long did you date, Patty? I dated them until they died. I dated them until they died. Have they passed away? Until they died. Well, of course they passed away.

If I'm recalling correctly, they passed away in 1946 on probably some time in May, May 25th I would imagine. But aren't life spans increasing? I remember that day like it was yesterday. You remember the day that they died. They died on the same day? Well I know it was a car crash. No, it was not.

Suicide pad crash. No. Stabbing. Stabbing? Stabbing. They both died of stabbing. Interesting. Wow. I never heard that about.

I mean, I know a lot about Paddy Hill. I know a lot about Mildred Hill. Sure. And together we're... Knowledgeable. Oh. About the Hill Sisters. I was going to say the guys who knew a lot about the Hill Sisters.

Okay. Yes. That's the same way you're saying it, but you clashed it up. I don't like to... Yes, I don't like to refer to us as guys. What would you prefer I say? Chaps. Chaps, okay. Blokes.

Really, now that seems low class to me. Did it call you a chap or a bloke? No, chap is very, is very proper. Yeah, well I guess that implies friendship. It's more casual, yes. What does chap stand for? I know it's short for something. Constantly hearing airplanes park.

Great. Because only the rich, you see, back in the old days had access to airplanes. Of course, nowadays it means you live close to an airport, which is actually the shittier part of town. Isn't that funny? Isn't it? Language.

I'm so sorry. Like this wizened old man. Hey. Oh, hello. Watch your mouth, or I'll come over there. Oh, yes, it's language. I'm so sorry. Like this wizened old man. Hey. Oh, hello. Watch your mouth, or I'll come over there. Oh yes, and what will you do? This guy. This little fellow.

Well, he has two thumbs. He can defend himself. He's an Englishman. I'm an Englishman. The constancy of my thumbs is not a... You should never go at somebody, you know, unless you know they're not packing. Packing? Packing?

Packing? We were just talking about airplanes. he must mean that he's... Are you going on a trip, old boy? You might be going on a trip to heaven in a couple moments if you're not careful. He's obviously going to hell, we were just talking about that before you walked in. You're missing the larger point, that was a threat! You don't say. This little old man just threatened my life!

This tiny, wizened old man, with a beard as long as he, threatened you Lord Webber? Yes! Four inches of beard, on the ground, dirty, dragging behind himself like a wedding train. Yes, socks the same color as the wall. Well how dare he? Very idea. Where I'm from, you call ahead, find out what color the wall is, and you change your socks. Where I'm from, we're ruled by an old lady. Where I'm from, you have sex with 60-year-old women, and then you don't talk at a turn, or you get sliced up. That's what I'm saying.

What? I say! My goodness. Oh boy, this is not on. Yeah. We're not off to a good start here. I don't think we are either. Look, all I know is I was walking down the street, I heard your voices and I was, I woke

up outside of a time machine, okay? And I stood up and I said, I'm starving. Hold up, hold up, hold up. You did what now? What, did I stutter or something? I don't mean to imply that you stuttered. I just, it was a surprising bit of information. I think my ears must be deceiving me and I wish they would stop it, quite frankly.

Scottrick, if your ears are deceiving me, they are deceiving me as well. Because I believe I heard the same thing that you heard. If my ears are deceiving you, they are deceiving you as well? Yes. Okay, that makes sense. Yes. It sounded, if I'm not much mistaken, old fellow, it sounded as if you said, you woke up, please call me forever.

What did you say? What? He's an old fellow. I don't, I mean, that's rude. Just call me by my name. My name's Fourvel. It cannot be. What's this?

What's the problem? Well, this... It certainly can't be the Fourvel we know. Scotrick, of course not. The Fourvel we know is a little boy. Tiny little boy. And yet, I feel as if this fellow has many of the same kind of personality as you. I'm not sure what you're talking about.

I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. Scotrick, of course not. The four of all we know is a little boy. Tiny little boy. And yet, I feel as if this fellow has many of the same characteristics as the four of all we know. And don't forget, I can't believe we're glossing over this. He did say he woke up outside of a time machine. Oh yes, he did say that or was that our ears deceiving, or my ears deceiving you twice? Your ears, I think, have taken a break from the deception business.

I had hoped that would happen, to be quite honest, because it's been 40 some odd years. How long? It's been 40 some odd years, it's been, I'll just say it's been a while. It's been a while. But this is an odd situation to be in because A, his name is exactly the name

as Forville the orphan that we knew. Yes. B, he's 37 inches tall, which if I am accessing the recesses of my mind correctly, I believe. Computing. Beep, beep, beep, boop, boop, boop. Oh, the singularity is almost upon us. I wish it was here.

We're here, forgive me. The Forville we knew was about 36 and a half, 37 inches tall, if I recall. Yes, yes, yes. He was about three hands tall. Yes. Yes, okay. And three hands high.

Human hands. Human hands, of course, yeah. But if I was gauging how high a horse would be, it would be about three hands. That's a small horse. Well, no, but Forville. Using the horse hand system that we all use to compute how tall someone is. Not a horse's hand by the way. No! It's a hoof. It's a horse hand system, but not a horse's hand. That's where a lot of people get confused

because they say how tall is that horse? Oh it's about 20 hooves. In any case, my point being, Forville is the name, three feet tall, has access to time machines, which I believe our Forville was some sort of time... Bobby? No, his name was Forville. Scotrick. Yes.

I was attempting to complete the phrase that you had begun. Time policeman is what I was gonna say. Yes, which, where I'm from. Where's that? Magical land ruled by an old lady. That's right, with access to corgis? Yes, access to all the world's corgis.

And other dimensions. We say, a sort of nicking name for policemen is Bobby. A policing man. A policing man. Yes. It's Bobby. Oh, is that, okay, so did we talk about that the last, one of the last times you were on the show?

I think every time. Okay, okay, okay. So now, put those three things together. One plus one plus one, in this case, is not adding up to three because this couldn't be the same forville. Because the forville we knew was young. Yes, but I thought you were going to say that it all adds up to this being the same forville.

Oh, oh, oh, I never thought about it from that angle. Because you see the time machine. The time machine. I do think we shouldn't overlook that. That's probably maybe the most important thing that he said, other than his name. Yes, rather. He also seems to be flying into some sort of murderous rage and has said that he's packing something. Yes, he's threatened to slice me up. Yes. Well, you know what? I feel like we should follow up on this. That said... My detective's instincts are kicking in. That said, we do need to take a break.

Forville over there! Old Matt Forville! Sorry, I fell asleep a little bit. Napping, of course. Yeah. The thing that the old do. It's getting harder and harder to stay awake. I understand.

I understand. Yeah, you and all your relatives, I'm sure. You're a napkin. I may even be in my seventies, so I know a little bit about it. How did you know I have relatives? Do you know who I am? I was just saying you're a napkin. Do you have information about me that I don't know? No. What do you mean?

That's what I need. What is this napkin business? All of your relatives who like to take naps. You're a napkin. Yes. I see. We need to take aaps. Your napkin. Yes. I see. Uh, we need to take a break.

Do you know what a break is, Forville? Uh, yeah. We had breaks in our days. We've had breaks. Jesus fucking Christ, Scott. Please, language, please. You're name's Scott, right? Forville, I was frustrated.

How did you know that? How did you know that? Well, he called Scottrick and the others, and I don't see anybody named Rick, so I just cut it in half. Deductive reasoning! Well done! The four of us we knew had a bit of deductive reasoning. Do you know a four of us too? Um, perhaps. We knew a four of us. But I want to get to the bottom of this. That said, we need to put our

program on hold for... I wish there was a better way to describe this, but we need to take... What program? I don't see a program happening. We're doing a program right now, you see? I don't see it though. Do you see? You're speaking into a microphone.

That's what this is? Yeah. Did you just think it was a long black cylindrical thing that we were sticking in your face? Yeah. All right, well, we need to... I wish there was a better way to describe this, but there needs to be a time period in which we are not doing the show.

I'm trying to explain it to you so you get it, but a time period in which we are not doing the show where we rest and we don't... Oh, like a commercial break. Oh, oh you do know what it is. Yeah, if you've established that he does. Okay, sorry. We're just packing cigarettes with ladies legs, come dancing by. Maybe.

That would be great. That would be great. That would be great. I would love to do that. We'll tell you what. Let's all go to the lobby, get ourselves a treat. Let's do that right now. When we come back in just a few minutes, Lord Webber and I will talk to you a bit, if that's all right.

We'll. Wait, that's Andrew Lloyd Webber? Maybe. I'll tell you what. Why don't we cut to a break? I'm Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yeah, let's cut to a break? I'm in, Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yeah, let's cut to a break. We'll follow up on this when we come back.

Okay, come back with Comedy Bing Bo. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Comedy Bing... Bang... Comedy Bang Ball.

Bang... I'm not saying this right. Comedy Bang Bo, Comedy Bee Ball, Comedy Bee Ball, Comedy Bing Bo. That's it. Okay, welcome back to the show. We're here with a good- A fellow named Andrew Lloyd Webber. Sure.

Could be any of the Andrew Lloyd Webbers. Could be. Who knows how many Andrew Lloyd Webbers there are in the world? I feel like there's only one. Crazy coincidence. Well, speaking of there can be only one- Speaking of crazy coincidences, forward slash, that can be only one We're talking to also a man named and you are a man you're a man

Yeah, even though you're short old man I've always wondered that when someone is as short as you can you really call yourself a man or you constantly a boy? Yeah, and if you've talked to me like are you kidding me? You know I come here looking for answers and help and you treat me, you say that I'm a little... This is ridiculous how you treat people! Please Mr. Forvel! Back in my day... Yes, yes, very sorry, please Mr. Forvel! Put the knife!

Put the knife! Wait it gets worse! I got another knife! Why two knives? Why? He has two pockets, that's why! Oh my god, I hope he doesn't have any more pockets. Please, please. Okay, I'm putting them away.

Put them away, we're all friends here. Look, you have to understand. I'm a very confused man. Wait, are you afraid as well? I'm terrified. Why? Because I don't know who I am. Oh, wow. You know that your name is Forville.

Correct. That's all that you know? And that you used to date Mildred Paddiel. Who could forget though? Oh, gosh, those ladies. How did you know your name was Forville? Look, I tried to tell you, and then you went to one of your little stop parties, or whatever you it. I woke up in front of a time machine I lifted up my

beard I'm covered in tattoos. You are? Yeah and some of them tell me information once this one here on my forearm says your name is Four-Vote. And why would your forearm lie? Correct. I've never known my body to lie to me before. The body does try to tell us things. Sometimes your ears though. Sometimes your ears can be deceptive. Correct.

The ears are the liars of the body. I have one tattoo on my ear and it says, you're Nell Carter. I don't believe that one. You're not. From Gimme A Break? Yeah. No. I don't believe that one. Never believe that. Never believe your ears. Never believe your ears. Never believe one's ears. Your ears are like the Johnny Knoxville of the body. They're playing pranks on you all the time. A pair of jackasses. No wonder jackasses have such large ears. Scotrick, I see, you've cracked the case. I have cracked, sput. Sput?

Sput. Sput. Sput. Let's crack this case. Now, for the audience, sput of course stands for? Scotrick, please understand this. And then it goes, yes. Spot. Spot, please,

Scotchwick, please understand this. We need to crack this other case. Yes. Is what I was trying to say. Correct. Now, Fourville. Yes, Fourville, yes. Fourville. Is that how you pronounce it?

He's not a town. I'm not a town. I'm an old man. You, uh. You're what? I'm an old man. You are a man, though. You're not an old boy? I'm an old man. You are a man, though. You're not an old boy.

I'm an old man, yes. Okay. Do you have a brother, Gary? Yeah. You do? Yeah. From the Batman franchise? I haven't seen him in years.

The Batting Gentlemen! Yes, of course, the Batting Gentlemen! I see! Uh, he was great in that. Commish, he plays the Commish. He plays the Commish. Yeah, just... It's a reboot of the Commish. He plays the commish. Yeah, just... Yeah.

It's a reboot of the commish that Michael Chickless once played. Correct. That's right. What was this commish lacking? Hair. Yes. Let's reboot it. With a guy with hair. This time with a guy with hair. With Fourville's brother. Okay, so what do your other tattoos say? Have you lifted up your beard

to look at anything else other than your forearm? Yeah, I woke up... It's interesting that Fourville has a forearm. Well, not really. Yeah. First of all, it's not Fourville. I'm pretty sure it is. It's not Fourville.

It's Fourville. I feel like we're really laying into that ill. It's just Fourville. Like you just say it naturally, Fourville. Fourville. We've done two shows with him. He's said his name quite often. You've done two shows with who?

This other four. This other four. Fourville that we know. Please. It's like downtown Abbey. Fourville, downtown Abbey. Even I know that's fucking wrong. Anyway let's get back to this.

So of all the times for ears not to be deceptive. Correct. You've lifted up your beard on other occasions, have you not? Well yeah, but this time I woke up and I was all confused and I was at the foot of a time machine and I... Not at the head! No, no, no, I was at the foot of it. I say, what's this time machine?

You could tell because the pillow was near the time clock. Yeah, what is this? This time machine was shaped like a bed? Well yeah, like kind of like almost like a telephone booth bed. It was almost like a novelty bed for rich children. Yes, rich children who love to sleep in phone booths. Yeah. Like a doctor who mixed with bed knobs and broomsticks kind of situation?

I mean maybe, kind of, yeah. Were there any broomsticks about? I believe I was next to a Home Depot. I guess that place is filled with them. Yes, that's true. Okay, well, that's a bit of detail. But I didn't see them with my eyes. I just saw the Home Depot, I guess that place is filled with them. Yes, that's true. Okay, well, that's a bit of detail. But I didn't see them with my eyes. I just saw the Home Depot.

How did you know it was a time machine? It was clearly marked. I was clearly marked? Yeah. Oh, okay. The first thing I did when I woke up was say, what the fuck am I? Language, language. Yeah, I'm using language to speak, asshole.

What's your problem? I'm trying to tell my story and you're interrupting all the time Lord Weber if you apologize if you were the real Andrew Lloyd Webber I would give you the respect you deserve because you're a brilliant man But since you're some other guy, maybe I'll just treat you like a fucking asshole that you look like how's that sound? Okay, so Old man finish the story respect your elders. I do apologize sir. Thank you. Should we by the way where I'm from You call someone who's older than you an elder. Oh, are you from Scotville?

Scotland. Oh, my apologies. I'm the asshole in that situation. It's not Scotland. It's Scotland, yes. Of course, Scotricland is what it used to be called. But we call someone by their surname. Surname.

Do you have a surname that I could call you Mr. whatever? A second name as it were. Mr. Forville? Should I just call you Mr.... That sounds like I'm your servant if I'm calling you Mr. Forville. But I don't know any information about myself. So I'm trying... I don't know if I have a last name. What are the tattoos? Under your bed. Great question. The first tattoo I saw, I woke up all confused, no recollection of anything.

The first tattoo I saw, I said your name was four of them. Great tattoo. Great tattoo. Was it reversed so you could see it in a mirror? Why would he need to see it in a mirror if it is on his arm? Well, if it's on this part of the forearm. Well, it's on one side of the arm, it's right, and on the other side of the arm, it's backwards,

just in case. Like an ambulance. Yeah, yeah. Sure. Correct. So, my second tattoo says ambulance, and on the back, it's ambulance backwards, and it says, ha ha, you were always a kidder.

Interesting. Yeah. Strange. I thought that one, I guess I was a hilarious little scamp of a boy or something. Yeah. Okay, I have a question, but first, any remaining tattoos? Yes, there was one that said, don't eat that scrap, that's Dave Javitson's penis. Uh oh. Dave Javitson. I think I got, I must have stayed in from the guy in crime Correct, I guess So the more accurate title there are a lot of miss. I mean yes, I'm like there are a lot of misspelling

So that's another problem. I'm having because yeah, I don't know what you're right. I'm a reliable narrator correct That leads me to this question. Whom do you suppose tattooed you with these tattoos? The only thing I could think of is it was me. You put these tattoos upon yourself. To remind myself. As a reminder. Series of reminders. Yeah, may I see the one on your forearm? Can I say though, they didn't seem to have helped because you still seemed not to know.

That's why I'm here. I'm not finished with the tattoos yet. So fucking let me finish, not Andrew Lloyd Webber. Certainly Mr. Fortho, please do continue. May I see it though? Yes. Those are exceptionally well done if you did them yourself. Thank you.

I guess the one on your left arm is better done than the one on your right arm because you would have had to have used your left hand. Correct. Yeah, maybe that's why it's spelled wrong too. That's probably why. I do have a hard time spelling when I'm writing with my opposite hand. Yes, that's the first thing that gets messed up. Yes, the spelling. Your brain gets confused. I never realized that that's how you spelled ambulance backwards. Yeah. Wow, that's crazy. Is it? How did you think ambulances spelled backwards? I always just imagined it would be, I don't know, I guess I thought it would say ambulance. How often have you thought about it?

Once. A day. For? Thirty. Years? Five. Years. Do you think I sound like a musical robot?

And for thirty-five minutes a day, for 35 years. What? Are you all right? Yes, of course I am. What the fuck is happening? I don't know. I don't know. That may have been a path that led nowhere.

You have a 90-year-old man in your room who has no idea where he's from and all these tattoos, and you're just making nonsense talk. That happens not often, I have to admit. I do have to admit that fact does not happen a lot. I admit it, have to, that, not often does it happen. Yes, of course. No. I- I- I- I- I pray your indulgence, would you please not listen to us for just a moment?

Sure, you got- yeah, is this gonna become like a reoccurring thing now? I can't imagine that. No, I guess the guy who just time traveled will just sit in the corner and wait and not figure out his life or get help from the people because there was a tattoo that had this address and said, please find Andrew Lloyd Webber and Scott and they'll explain everything to you.

And then the last tattoo said, beware of fry vault. But I guess I don't know what that means, so go fuck yourselves, I'll be in the corner. Yes, perfect. That's great. I hope I don't fall asleep. Scotric. Yes, Lord Webber. I think we may have to tell Forvel who he is. Who he is?

That's dangerous, yet at the same time, he already pulled on us. Yes. It might be more dangerous to conceal the information from him, because if he does discover it and we have not helped, surely he will pull knives on us. If someone like our engineer Cody or someone were to beat us to the punch and tell Forville who he is, we wouldn't want that to happen, right? So we should probably do it ourselves.

So Cody, back off. So Cody, back off. Please do, back off. How should we do it? How should we break this to him? I feel we should do it in steps, should we not? Yes, yes, yes, yes, in stages. And we should name these stages. Yes, okay, great.

Sort of coding words for us. Okay, fantastic. Okay, how's this? So the first stage, I'll holler out, so we know to begin, the word stage one! Stage one, and will the one be a number, or will it be spelled out?

It will be spelled out. If we were to do it mnemonically, which is, I'm assuming how we would figure out what these code words would be. To remember them? Yes. Using the mnemonic system. In order to remember the stages,

we must use a mnemonic device, and so, first stage is called stage one. By the way, in order to remember the stages, we must use a mnemonic device, we remember that from IOTRTSWMUAMD. Yes. Yes. We always say that back and forth to each other. Yes. Yes. So, in order to remember the stages we must use a mnemonic device yes or to put it shortly IOTRTSWMUAMD of course yes and I remember that because Trapper John MD was my favorite TV show. Yeah that's how I remember it as well yes of course okay yes.

So Neil Roberts taken from us too soon. Oh and Nell Carter. Stage one. Stage one. How will we remember this? Say. Time and guys excited over new wigs wigs okay say time and guys excited over new wigs wait that's gonna be you go for wigs I mean I am excited over new wigs. I'm always excited over new wigs. I think maybe you got ahead of yourself. You're thinking about some of your new wigs. I was thinking of the end of the word new. Right, of course. And I was incorporating that into stage one, which it does not belong there. Obviously, say time and guys excited over new.

That makes a lot of sense. New encyclopedias. Encyclopedia. Encyclopedia. So, that seems very complicated. Why? Say time and guys. Say time and guys. Over new encyclopedia. Say time and guys excited over new encyclopedia. I mean, look. What is the problem? I've committed to memory IOT TRTS WMUAM. Well, I've committed adultery.

Okay. So? When did you do that? Was that with Sarah? Oh, years ago, years ago. Was that with Sarah Breiman? Yes. She was the one that you committed it with? Yes. With whom you committed adultery?

And upon. Oh, I don't want to follow up on that. Oh, did you? Okay, so say time and guys excited over new encyclopedia. Okay, I'm on board. I think I can remember it. Stage one. I've said it a few times.

Say time and guys excited over new encyclopedia. Yes. Stage two. Stage two. That should be the name of the second stage. I guess it should, but how are we ever going to remember that? I say, what if we employ a mnemonic device? Oh, you mean IOTRTSWMUAMD.

Yes. Okay. Trap it down. So stage two. Okay. Simply terrific about every, nope, simply terrific about. Terrific about, sure. Gabardine.

Gabardine. I said elephantine. Elephantine. Simply terrific about gabatee, gabardine, elephantine. Oh. Tst, tst, tst, tst, tst, tst, tst, oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Onomatopoeia. Yes. Okay. Couldn't be simpler. Simply terrific about gabardine, elephantine, tear-stained wigs, onomatopoeia.

This is getting very hard for me to remember. Even using onomatopoeia, which is one of my favorite devices in the English language, this is getting a little difficult. Would it help if we remembered Onomonopoeia? Onomonopoeia might be, so we would use Onomonopoeia when we wanted to do stage two, how would we do it? Would we say like splash or something like that?

Well, the sput, of course. Sput, okay, why don't we just say sput. Scotrick, please understand this. Yes. And the third and final stage. Okay, stage three, how would you imagine? Yeah, stage three is a wonderful title. As good a name as any.

Yes, I think it's the best name. All right. Stage three, how should we remember stage three? We would say solo, I would imagine. Are you proposing using a mnemonic device? Oh! As we have for the first two stages. Okay, we may as well, since we're on the tactic.

Okay, let's do that. So, solo. Transport. Transport, great. Aphrodisiac. Mm-hmm. Okay. And then.

Garden gnome, all one word. Garden gnome, because he sort of looks like a garden gnome. He's cute like that. Yes, he does. He's cute little stabby garden gnome. Garden gnome, because he sort of looks like a garden gnome. He's cute like that. Yes, he does. He's a cute little stabby garden gnome. Garden gnome is two words, though, I do have to say. Not in this instance. Oh, okay, great.

And then, of course, there is Euripides. Yes. From the theater, that's homage to you. Solo transport, garden gnome Euripides. Euripides. Wait, the A. Did we miss the A? No, aphrodisiac.

Solo transport, aphrodisiac. I do apologize on the monopoebs. And then we have, of course, threesomes. Yes, we do. Pfft. Hahahaha. Lord Webber, are you feeling a bit randy? Do I make you horny, baby? Are you having a laugh?

Howard the Duck. Say the old one word. So we have- Regicide! Regicide. EE Cummings. But then don't say Cummings. Yes, just EE. Okay. So solo transport aphrodisiac, garden gnome, Euripides, threesome, Howard the Duck, regicide EE Cummings. EE. Okay, great.

So- Perfect. But do put Cummings in brackets, so that we'll remember the EE. No problem. I've been working on my bracket lately. Alright, so here we go. Watch madness! So, I think it's time. Let's call Forville over here, shall we? Yes. Alright. Forville!

Oh, have you fallen asleep, grandfather? Sorry, I was sleeping in the corner. I used this almanac as a pillow. It seems very hard and comfortable. Very soft almanac. Were you having a nice dream? I don't know. I don't know if I'm dreaming or if I'm awake anymore. Currently you're awake. I am? Yeah. Thank you for telling me. You were dreaming not seconds ago. Is that almanac yours or was it here already? I was in my pocket when I woke up. What year is the almanac from?

1937. So you've had it all your life? I guess so. I don't remember most of my life, so I don't know. Lord Webber? I've just been going off these tattoos. Say, time and over... Sorry, never mind. Say time and guys excited over new encyclopedia.

What are you saying to me? I'm sorry, stage one. Oh, stage one! I'm sorry? Forvel. Yeah? We have some information for you. Octaker!

First of all... About me? Yes. I have some information for you. Oh, thank God. First of all, About me? Yes. Yes. So it was right I came to the right place? Yes. So that means you are Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Well, that's more of a stage three sort of fact. He's going nuclear option. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm done. It's quite all right, quite all right. Dear old fellow, we have met before, but when we met, you were a tiny little boy. Really?

Yes. A little orphan. Just a little orphan? You were just a little orphan boy. We never were able to ascertain your age. Upon Skavrow! Downtown. You lived downtown.

That's your home address. I lived downtown. When your life's a mess, I live downtown. When your life's a mess, you live downtown. Where depression's just status quo. Down on Skid Row, someone tell me a way to get out of here. Cause I constantly pray I'll get out of here. Cause I constantly pray I'll get out of here. Please won't somebody say I'll get out of here. Someone call Lady Luck.

Cause I'm stuck here. Downton. See I got you saying it, downtown. What should I say? Yeah, I knew it. So when we knew you, we were unable to ascertain your age we asked you several times point-blank you would never tell us That's true. That's very true What a dick thing to do. Well, but you were young. You were clearly a little boy

Clearly clearly clearly you were clearly a little just as clearly you are now an old man And yet you may ask yourself, we are not old men. How could we know you when you were young? Yes, why have we not aged as you have? Maybe this tattoo will help. It says things will not be what they seem. Lord Webber? Yes?

Simply terrific about gabardine elephantine tear stained-stained wigs on him up here. The fuck is it? I quite agree. Was I a good kid or a bad little boy? Well, that brings us to stage two. You were, to put it mildly, you were a bit of a handful. Oh no. Yes, you were very violent.

You were more than a handful, which is how I like them. You mean titties, right? You mean big fat juicy titties? What the hell are you talking about? We're talking about here? We're getting down to that kind of guy talk? We're not really, this is not a gymnasium, Forvel. Sorry.

We are not getting down to that sort of guy talk. Forvel, you were a very violent little boy. Oh no. And you'd stabbed many, many people. Why, why? You had eaten your own brother. Oh no. You had nibbled on J. Davidson's penis.

Yes, it's true. So who's this J, is that like Day Javidson? It's like that. Rather like, rather like Day Javidson. Yeah. That's why I got all... Rather like, rather like Dejavidson. Yeah. That's why I got all these knives of all different shapes and colors. Yes. Including a few icicles.

Yeah. A piece of raw meat, cooked meat, and there's all sorts of things here. It all seems somewhat familiar somehow. You have a lot of family, a lot of brothers. No sisters, as I recall. No sisters. At least we've never asked about it That we knew of There's a list of names. It says

Really three vol Four vol that's right. No, it skips five over Go six oh and then there's a fry vault It says at one point you you lived with Ray Parker Jr. That's correct. I think. Yes. Yeah.

The composing of Boos Busters. Yeah, I got a little fat little man. I got a lot of space. There's a lot of- Yeah, you have a broad canvas. Hey, I mean, I could say it. OK. You know, stop.

OK, I apologize. But really, you have a lot to work with. Watch your back, bro. Watch my back, really? Yeah, and your front, too. Come to think of it. That's really, that's almost even. Like throat area.

Oh. Uh, yeah, you ha- what should we tell him? Is it time for- Tell me what? Is it time for- You should- I'm coming here asking for questions, and I need help, and now you don't tell me to info? Patience, patience, patience.

Is it time for a solo transport, aphrodisiac garden gnome, Euripides threesome. Are you having a freaking stroke? What is happening? I mean, it's a sort of... Vertation. It's almost like a tween of language. Is that how you talk these days?

Did I miss something? Howard the Duck regicide bracket EE bracket? End bracket? EE coming? Yeah like, stage three! Stage three, yes. Yes. Four of them.

Yes. I believe that you have... The children of the future? Yes. Hold their hands. How do you know that? And let them lead the way. It's a tattoo, the whole lyrics tattoo, that was the...

I showed somebody and they were like, well that's the lyrics to a Whitney Houston song and evidently she passed, so rest in peace. I had nothing to do with that one. Okay. That's good to know. Good to tell, yeah. That's good to know. Wait, you didn't sell her cocaine, did you?

Yeah. Oh, well, you shouldn't have done that. Indirectly then. You shouldn't have done that. I needed the scratch. Did you also sell heroin to anyone recently? Oh boy. No, but I did get paid $14 and some scraps to drown William Shatner's wife. Oh, his wife?

Um, my goodness. Gracious even. Great balls of fire even. We should probably go full stage three nuclear option and tell him who you are, Lord Webber. Lord Webber is indeed the Lord Lord Webber. I am that Andrew Lloyd Webber for my sins. Creator of Josie and the Pussycats. Famously.

Eve of Destruction. E. Volongoria. Evalongoria, of course. I created her. Ian, deliver us from Eva. Eve from Antaras. Yes, he's the creator of Eve from Antaras. Turtle.

How is Turtle these days? Turtle's wonderful, thank you for asking. Very thin. Yes, he did. I was worried about Jerry for a little bit, but he's really turtled. He's turned his life around. He really has. Have you seen the movie?

I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. Yes, he did. I was worried about Jerry for a little bit, but he's really turned his life around. He really has. Have you seen him in Lone Survivor?

I have. Yes, yes, wonderful in Lone Survivor. Fantastic. Small part, but there are no small parts. Just small actors and turtle. He is a small actor. He's teeny. E though, he's even tiny.

Even tinier. He is about 33 apples high he's even tinier. Even tinier. He is about thirty... Three apples high like a smurf. So Forvel, this is Andrew Lloyd Webber. It's an honor to meet you, I'm such a fan. Well, we have met before, of course, when you were a tiny little boy. But now, it seems as if you've traveled through time, from your own future to our present, which is your past. Yeah.

Hmm. So I'm trying to get this straight. You came from the 30s, where you grew up, into a 13 year old boy, which I'm assuming is older than when we knew you. Yes, that's true. When you started dating the Hill Sisters. Correct.

So you must have gone straight from here into some sort of time machine. Maybe you built this time machine? It said the last time I looked, I had a tattoo that said, you will return to this place to right the wrongs that you did. And then that was crossed out and it was a check. It said done and then and then it said go back to tell scott the real truth oh now then the last time it's a lot to take in i know it's a long tattoo as well that must have really hurt it's pretty much my whole left leg. Yeah. The last time. The bottom of my left leg just says you love peach napple.

You did, and I noticed you were drinking one. And it's just true, that was an easy one. And you're about as big as a peach napple. That hardly seemed worth the tattoo. As a reminder that you loved it. You know what though, I'm not gonna lie, this stuff is delicious. I'm glad I was reminded of it, because I don't know if I would have just picked it right first. So you don't regret the tattoo? No, that one I'm fine with is all the other ones that confuse the fucking shit

Yeah, everyone's taste buds are kind of different. You know I think you'll find most people's taste buds are exactly the same. Really? Yes science white science white science science She blinded me with science I've had no plans. She blinded me? With science? Why would she do such a thing? Why would she? So the last time... should we talk privately or should we... No, I think the time for privacy is over.

Yes, let's get it all out in the open. The last... Please just give it to me straight, that's all I'm asking. You two seem to be my only friends. Scottrick, I don't know how much of this you remember. I don't remember anything after that show, and I never listen to it back again. I don't know how to put this.

Forvel. Plainly and clearly, please, Lord Webber. You and Forvel. I will remind you that I'm still a lord. I did address you as lord. As such. But you yelled at me as if I were a serving boy. Just trying to help, you know. Calm down, Scotland.

Thank you, Forville. Um, you and Forville, Scotrick... Yes. ...are actually the same person. The same? At different points in your timeline. That seems completely impossible. And yet, time travel has made it so.

Really? Scotrick, of course, you'll remember that you're a time bobby. Oh yeah. So you heard that, yes. Does that seem familiar? Yeah, now that you say it, that way? Yeah, I remember now. So you have the ability to travel backwards and forwards and time? Backwards and forwards, yeah, yeah.

Policing time, as it were. Sure, yeah. Writing wrongs that have been done by time travelers. Yes. Yes. Yes. And Forville... Forville. Yeah.

Forville. Jesus Christ, don't... You've got me doing it. He is your past self? He knows. He was your future self? What? Look, you know, it's hard to figure out and may not even be canonical.

Because I may be dead, by the way. Oh, that's right! You may be dead. I may be dead. I remember hearing that, yes. Yeah, and this all may be just happening in my imagination. I can't believe that you two are the ones I have to rely on to figure out who I am, because you seem to not know.

Sometimes you just go into nonsense talk. Well, why don't you go visit the Comedy Bang Bang Wiki? You came to us! What the hell with the Wiki? I don't... Don't even comedy bang bang wiki? You came to us! It said what the hell is a wiki? I don't... Don't even ask! Okay? Put it away!

I'm just trying to help! Put it away! Are you just trying to help? The last tattoo says you're a good boy and you were just trying to help. It says lift up your head, wash off your mascara. Here, take this Kleenex. Thank you. I gotta wipe this lipstick away show me

that face why are you getting clean as the morning I know things were bad hey but now they're okay suddenly formal how do you know this is standing beside me he don't need no tattoos or makeup I don't have to pretend yes you can is here to provide me with hopefully some answers hopefully some answers for those our friends

I felt it was best if I just dropped out. I probably should have as well. How did you know that we must be the same person? We must be. Well, how did I do it then? Wait a minute. Maybe it's just a popular song. It's an established song.

Yeah, that's right. I've forgotten mostly everything I know. That's an actual song. You've got to keep me posted. Thank you. Yes, certainly. You know what? I feel like we need to take another time period

in which we would not do the show. Oh, another stop party? What was it called? A stopping party. A stopping party. Part way stop, but part way stop because we're going to continue. Sell some cigarettes to children.

So kids, take up smoking. We'll be right back after this stopping time. Bum ba dum dum. Bum ba dum dum. Yeah. Bum ba dum dum. Bum ba dum dum. Yeah. Comedy bank-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- Paul Hardcastle. Paul Hardcastle. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the show. The 19.

19. Paul Hardcastle, of course. Let me... Science? She blinded me with science? Sock it to me? Sock it to me. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Hello. I'm of course Scott Ackerman, your intrepid host, and we have an old man guesting with us. Very old man. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. Hello. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're here with Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm, of course, Scott Ackerman, your intrepid host.

And we have an old man guesting with us. Very hungry old man. I'm hungry as well. By the way, I am sort of hungry too. It is lunchtime. Old jokes aside, I'm actually pretty hungry. Yeah, I could eat. You're not special in that case.

At what point, Forvel, I know we have to pick up some threads that we had left behind. Oh yeah, just these threads that are on my life. I have some questions. It's not so nonchalantly swinging that around. At what point do you call yourself an old man? You know, like, what age was it or did you realize it's... That's a good question. Certainly this is the topic that needs addressing the most right now.

I just wonder because... At what point does an old man realize and accept the fact that he is old? Or is it like at 65? Yes, is it a number? Is it just a feeling? A number of wrinkles upon one's face? Is it when someone says, hey old man, you know? Do you receive any sort of notification from the government?

I have a tattoo that says you're an old man now, so that's how I found out. So the first time you read that too, you realized I am an old man? One time I was looking at a little chippy on the street, a little lady, and she said, you know, that old man's looking at me, and I was like, oh boy. Confirmation. Yep. No more. Time to stop hanging out in colleges.

You were hanging out in colleges after you got out of the time machine? Oh yeah. That was your first stop? Yeah. I thought the tattoos had to come to us. I was looking for scraps and it just happened to be, you know. Old habits die off. Yeah, tell me about it. By a Home Depot. I was by a Home Depot. Next to a college? Yeah. Okay. I mean is that so crazy? No, dormitories need the supplies. What? Wait, is this a college in Boston? Yeah. Oh, okay, I know which one you're talking about. The Boston area? Yeah.

Yeah. Um, so... Anyway, so, you just knew you were an old man coming out of there. Okay. Well, yeah, I think also, I got a beard down to my toes, it's a little dirty at the bottom, and like... Still, I've seen some young hipsters who have beards crazier than yours, Forvel. It's true.

They have competitions. Beard Wars. What was that IFC show that they used to make me be around? That's correct. They used to make you be around it. Yeah. Beard Wars. Beard Wars.

Yeah, that's what it was. With Jack Passion. Jack Passion. Yes. That's a powerful name. Or did you say Drak-Passion? I wish that I had said Drak-Passion. Yeah. Drak-Passion, that's a great character name for something.

It's actually a good name for a clone. It really is. Yes, Drak-Passion. Drak-Passion, a clone like Boba Fett? Yes, a clone. The most famous clone. Yes. So, I feel like we're getting wildly off topic. Why?

Played by the incomparable Jeremy Bullock. Jim J Bullock played Boba Swag? I'm sorry I said it wrong you are correct Jim J Bullock. I feel, Scotrick, I feel as if you need to, if I may quote the Jerky Boys, clean your ears out Jerky. Oh they're just deceiving me again that's what it is okay good advice from the jerky boys do you think they refer to themselves as jerky men now i hope so i read that rolling stone article you're acting like a real rubberneck i believe i was quoted in it listen sizzle chest yeah piss clam come on all right back to the topic at hand here we go All right, back to the topic at hand. Here we go.

Forvel, we need to figure out what happened to you because as far as I remember, the last time you were with us, do you see this iron contraption in the corner here? Yeah. And do you smell Frenching fries? I do, and they smell delicious. I'm starving. They're sort of a prize that we give ourselves when we have completed a good show. Wow.

That's correct. Do you think we'll get them today? Oh, I hope so. Is it for us to judge? It's more for the historians to decide. I want history tells us we will eat those frigid fries. But anyway, this is what we call a fry vault. Okay.

Okay, now that is- I got that tattooed on my arm. That said, that said- how am I related to this it is unrelated to the tattoo on your arm that seems like it would be a coincidence would it not because there is something else called a fry vault oh boy and that is your blood relation yes by which we mean brother brother. Oh, no. My brother. Your brother, Freyvold. He says, beware of Freyvold.

Yes, he's a terrifying fellow. He's terrifying. He makes, as violent as you are, he makes you look like a bloody pacifist. Oh, no. He makes you look like a jerky boy. He makes you look like Leo Bascalia. A reference I heard recently on another podcast. A good one. So he's your brother and he's dangerous, he's bad news. We met him the last time we saw you

when you were a little boy. Oh, Dalai Lama would have been a better reference. Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama. Yes, of course. I stayed with the Dalai Lama for a little while. At the devil, you said. Before you got to us?

Yes. You went to the Home Depot or you passed by? Took many, many detours before following the advice of the tattoo. They're pretty much all over the place. Now why did you wait so long? Hold on a second. Did you wake up at the foot of the time machine as an old man? Yeah.

Oh, all right. Good, yes, good. Well, I thought maybe he woke up as a little boy, and then he just took his time. I'm not very good with time, because I don't have a calendar. So. It does make things easier. It really does.

Also, your appointments, you can keep track of them. Yes, many appointments, many appointments. So you woke up next to that college in Boston, in the Home Depot. I guess, yeah. Right. And then you... You seem to think it's in Boston. You had a very, like, almost condescending way in the Boston area.

Very specific about it. I wish I understood what anyone was talking about. Well, you understand what I'm saying. I get it. I get it. Oh, no. I'm well aware that you understand and that you understand. Because I don't understand what you're saying. For the sake of finding out more information about my life, I'm well aware that you understand and that you understand. Because I don't understand you, Cedric.

For the sake of finding out more information about my life, I'm willing to move past this. Certainly. So then you stayed with the Dalai Lama for a while. And then you made your way to us. How long were you with the Dalai Lama? Until he passed. What?

Is the Dalai Lama passed away? You're saying the Dalai Lama has passed away? When? Why? When? Where? The reporter's questions! I have a better question. How?

Oh, and also whom? I stabbed him in the face. Why? For the why? In the face? Why did you stab him in the face? It's gruesome! I was sleeping and he said it's time to get up before I fall asleep.

What the fuck do you think you are bro? I'm sleeping and just... POW! Right in the kisser. Walking Dead style? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch that, what's a Walking Dead? Oh, it's a television program. Do you watch The Walking Dead? I do watch The Walking Dead, yes. Is Rick still alive though? Give me that.

Yes, he is. Okay good. Wait, when are we recording this? Who knows? He may be dead. He may be dead at this point. What about the flocking dead? Nevermind, we'll go. Okay anyway, so you stabbed the Dalai Lama. He's dead. I ran away and I stayed at a very nice actor, Steve Ewen's house for a little... Yon, I believe it's Yon. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't pronounce that correctly. No, you certainly didn't. Why, is he a famous actor?

What television show is he upon? He's upon the Walking Dead program. Oh, what a quink-y-dink. Quank-duke. Quank-dink? What a canker sore. So how long were you there with him? Until he died.

Wait a minute. Now, for all I've... Well, fake died. I... He's just on the show? I think it was just makeup. Oh, okay. You think it was just makeup.

Well, he tricked me. He's the only person to ever survive my wrath. Because he put on zombie makeup that was lying around the show. He tricked me, yeah. Oh, so you came upon him, thought he was dead. Bill Murray style and... Yeah. Zombieland. Zombieland.

That I've seen, Adam. Who has? Certainly. First thing I did when I woke up. Certainly. I had a tattoo that says, do yourself a favor. Go to a Redbox and get yourself a Zombieland. Once I found out what a Redbox was, I bought that and then that.

Is that still a thing as of this recording? Redbox? I'm not sure. I do not know. It just stopped. Oh, wow. Yeah, no one needs him no more. Did the Dalai Lama have a personal one in his...

Of course, he's the Dalai Lama. Why do you think he was so serene? So... We'd all be... We could all be as serene as the Dalai Lama if we had our own personal red box. I like to think that's what Netflix is, is your own personal red box. What's a Netflix?

It's a... How is it possible to describe? It really is. How could one describe a Netflix? Do you know envelopes? Oh, of course. Yes, well... Do you like a lot of them lying around your house?

Yes. Have you ever wanted to store movies that you would never watch in a sleeve of paper? Have you ever wanted to pay... That was my life's dream. ...a company to store a round thing in your house? Yes. Have you ever felt like you wanted to be a movie warehouse? And pay someone for that privilege? Up to seven movies at a time. Yeah, you could do that now. Yes, you could pay

someone for the privilege of being a movie warehouse. Yes. Wow. That's kind of what we're talking about. That makes complete sense. Have you ever wanted to impose a weird guilt on yourself? Yes. That you didn't know even existed? Then there also is a weird guilt of DVR clearing off your DVR. There's a lot that you have to catch up on. Yeah, I'm sorry. There's a lot that I missed. A lot of guilts for modern people in our society.

A lot of guilts for modern people. I imagine things were simpler back in the 30s. Very simple. I mean, all I did all day was hit a little circle with a stick. That's all I ever did. I had a blast. Yeah, you just hit it with a stick? Did you ever try to get the circle to stand up and then?

And roll it around? No, I never thought of that. You just were hitting it? I just beat the living shit out of it while I was on the ground. We called it Beat the Circle. Who called it? You and the Hills? Me, the Hills, Alfred Hitchcock.

What? Alfred Hitchcock? Yeah. He was a big movie director at the time, doing movies like Foreign Correspondent and the like. Until he died. Wait a minute. Now, Forvel, I hesitate to ask this question.

How did he die? He was taking a shower. No. This is ending up to be highly ironic, I bet. How so? He was taking a shower. Sure. In a hotel.

Okay. Keep going. I don't know why. I don't recall at the moment, but I happened to be dressed as an old lady Is that so? I think so. It might have been Halloween time around. Oh, okay. I think so. And I just, there was this song playing, this weird song, it was like,

I don't even know what you'd call it, a music. Joking box of some sort, Skrillex. And I stabbed the shit out of him. I opened the curtain and just stabbed the shit out of him. How did you- chocolate syrup spilled out. Sure. How did you know? Really? Not blood? No, not blood. Back then we didn't have blood. We used chocolate syrup.

You used chocolate syrup? As blood. In your body? Yeah. Can I ask, when the curtain was drawn, how could you tell it was him? I mean, by his silhouette I would imagine? By his profile, yeah. His profile. When the curtain was, before the curtain was drawn. The shower curtain, would imagine. By his profile, yeah. Yeah, by his profile. His profile.

When the curtain was, before the curtain was drawn. The shower curtain, yeah, when it was drawn, yeah. Yeah. Or I guess- Drawn open. Drawn shut. Why are we talking about this? Before he did it, I actually drew a picture

of what it looked like anyway, also. I say, if I were Alfred Hitchcock- Sure. Oh, and I hope that one day you are. Who knows who you are, because you lie the first time. If I had a famous silhouette, I would put it on the outside of my showering curtain. And then I would endeavor to walk into that silhouette.

I would too. Before every shower. I would make a silhouette of myself naked too. Yes. And I would give myself. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? Down there. Oh yeah. I would make a silhouette of myself naked too. Yes. And I would give myself. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? Oh yes I do. Down there.

Oh man. Certainly. And I would try to fill that up every time. Yes, absolutely. Lord Webber, you are in a randy mood. Perhaps I am. I've weakened my hunger state. Do you fancy a shag?

So. What do you want that now or later? Wait, I thought that you said that you... Were you going to provide him with the shag? I don't know, I just wanted to know if he wanted it now or later. That made me hungry for now and later. So let's get back to business! Sorry, yeah.

You're in danger, you're both in a great deal of danger. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Why why in what? That's why I came here. I followed the tattoos. They gave me this address They said find them and tell them of the danger. What is this danger?

Tell us of it since we corrected the problems last time but there is a problem anew Anew yeah, oh no. What is this new problem? That's the problem I must have ran out of ink it says tell Scott Rick and Andrew Lloyd Webber that private care and and then just and then make no sense I think what may have because I'm looking at your body It seems as if you've run out of canvas Maybe you just ran out of space, but have you looked everywhere on your body including the places that you can't look? Maybe one of us should look in one of these places.

Scotrick, you should look. You trying to say you want to look in my asshole? I think he is trying to say that. I mean, I was going to say where the sun doesn't shine. Yeah, my asshole. Do you mind turning around and grabbing your ankles? Yeah, no problem with that. There we go.

There she is. Charles is down. Scotrick, what do you see? All right, well, first of all, he's a very tiny person. Yes. Exceedingly small. He has a very tiny anus. It's time to reason.

It seems as if he's tattooed around the circle of his anus. It's a circle, thank God. Yeah. Wait, what did you think it was? I've never seen it before, so I was always afraid maybe it was like one of those Plato's spaghetti house things or something.

Like a star or something? Yeah, I was just hoping it wasn't gonna come out. It never occurred to me to be worried about something like that, but now I am? You've never seen it, who knows? Exactly! You never asked the Dalai Lama to take a look out there? No, that's rude, come on man, that guy was nice. One doesn't ask the damn high llama.

Not even Steven Young? He got away. Okay, well, he's the one who got away. Let me see if I can... I need a magnifying glass of some sort. Oh, here's one. Your monocle is also a magnifying glass. Yes, that's right.

My goodness. I need to attach it to some sort of a stick though. Oh, here you are. My goodness. I need to attach it to some sort of a stick though. Oh, here you are. My scepter. Oh, okay, so I'm attaching Lord Webber's monocle to his scepter, and I have some sort of makeshift magnifying glass. Yes.

Let me hold it up to your anus. Circular, by the way, looks good. For those listening at home. Ow, oh, so the window's open, you just burned my asshole. Oh, sorry. Pull the shade! Let me draw the shade shut. I see two words.

I'm going to have to turn my head in a circular fashion in order to see these, as they're not straight lines. Certainly. So let me read them as I turn my head. Yes, thank you. Fri-vault. Fri-vault! Fri-vault! That's my head. Yes, thank you. Fry-vault. Fry-vault. Fry-vault. That's my brother. Or. Or. Or. Or the victims of wearing one's dog's fringing fries. Oh god, this suspense is killing me.

So it may be referring to either of these. Yes, at this point we do not know. Re...turneth. Freyvault returneth. That's weird. Huh. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah.

Yeah. Interesting. Freyvault returneth. Freyvault returneth. It sounds like he's coming back but with a couple extra letters. In a biblical fashion. Yeah, yeah. I'm wondering why, why wouldn't you just say returns? I don't know, it just seems like an extra.

Maybe you like the pain of the extra two letters. Perhaps it wasn't Forvel who enacted that tattoo. Perhaps it was Fryvault himself. That's true, I think it would be hard to reach, well it's not hard to reach obviously, but it would be hard to at least spell. Yeah, I wipe my butt every day in my life. Every day?

Yeah. Wow, that's a luxury. But you don't wipe your butt every day? No. You wipe your butt every, wait, Lord Webber, do you wipe your butt every day? Scotrick, this is an unseemly conversation, but I will say, you should do butt every day? Wait, Lord Webber, do you wipe your butt every day? Scotrick, this is an unseemly conversation, but I will say, you should do it every day.

I'm a homeless scamp who lives on the streets. I got one of the cleanest bee holes in history. I think every three days is fine. Oh boy. Oh boy. Okay, well, in any case, who do you think tattooed that upon poor, uh, Forville over here? Huh. I... I believe it must have been Freyvault and he is sending a message to us that he is coming to an act of vengeance.

So how can I believe any of these? Do you think Freyvault may be tattooed everything upon you? What if I was captured by him and he did it just to get his revenge because we killed him last time? I feel as if that may be the case and I also feel. What if he returns? I don't think. What do we do? It is possible. We need some mnemonic device to figure out what happens if Freyvolt returns. Oh boy, here we go. Yes. Put on a pot of coffee. Let's see. All right, just gonna settle in here. All right, now it's a mnem now, what are we trying to remember?

If Freyvold returneth? If he returneth. First we must decide what shall we do. Then we need a mnemonic device to remember what we shall do. Oh okay, so I guess we would need to defend ourselves. Yes, and we should stop Freyvold for the good of all mankind. Sure. But maybe we would need a weapon of some sort

in order to defend ourselves. I mean, I got that. I got a whole bunch. What do you have on you? I mean, I got bowing knives. I got hunting knives. I got button knives. I got a couple Rottweilers stuck in there.

You have Rottweilers inside your pockets? Yeah. Tiny ones? Tiny than you? Little tiny Rottweilers. That I got to see. Oh, here. Look at that teacup Rottweilers inside your pockets? Yeah. Tiny ones? Tiny than you? Little tiny Rottweilers. That I gotta see. Oh, here. Look at that teacup Rottweiler.

Look at that fellow. Oh my goodness. He's the cutest thing I've ever seen. And terrified. Do you mind if I pet him? Ow! Be careful. They haven't eaten in days.

Do you feed your Rottweilers before you feed yourself? Yeah. That's so nice. Thank you? Yeah. That's so nice. Thank you. Yeah. Well, we should figure out some means of attack on Freyvalt. Should he arrive? I just want to be prepared because you guys seem like such nice people.

Thank you so much. And in my time of need when I saw these tattoos, I thought they're the only people in the world that could help me so. You seem like you've grown up a lot since the last time we saw you. Yeah since the last time you saw me. I saw in you. Since the last time you goldy saw me. I think I just saw in you by the way and you may need to check up. Oh no?

Well coming from the guy who only wipes his ass once every three days. He's got you there! Still, get yourself checked out. You should get yourself checked out. It's probably a mess down there. Yeah, I saw some weird stuff down there. Sorry. Yeah, well we need to figure out some sort of defense.

Yes. A weapon of some sort. Well, certainly, there's knives, the Rottweilers. Oh, should we say Rottweiler grab? Rottweiler snatch. Rottweiler snatch. First we should figure out how to spell Rottweiler. That can't be misconstrued as anything else. Rottweiler, if everybody serves, is R-O-T-T-W-E-I-L-L-E-R. Is that correct? It is R-O-T-T-W-E-I-L-E-R. Just one L. Yes, just one L.

Oh, I was so close. Oh, sorry. Rottweiler Snatch. All right, so here we go. Rottweiler Snatch. Rottweiler Snatch, okay. Rottweiler Snatch. And how shall we remember this?

Let's see. Seems like a very specific fetish. Yeah. I would hate... Let's use a mnemonic device. Oh, you don't say. All right. I do.

I would hate it if we were to end this episode and then not see a bunch of websites devoted to this fetish after we complete it. Correct. Rottweiler Snatch. You mean... Webbing sites? We would look at them? Sure, together. I don't want to.

As a family. Well, that's a family. There's more guy stuff we're just gonna hang out and do. Getting into the guy stuff. All right, so how is New Monarch device? Ah! Right, we are to destroy Frivolt using these tiny tech dogs.

I'm gonna say that right we are to destroy ellipsis. Certainly, good luck remembering it. Okay. Oh, what a situation we are in to have to destroy Frivolt using these tiny Rottweilers. Yes, what was wrong with the one I said? Too long. Yeah, oh, I with the one I said? Too long. Oh, I see.

But this one's just right. Just right, yes. T. T, thank you for helping me in my battle against Rival. Oh, that's not a... Motherfuckers. Wow. I wasn't done yet.

You added your kind of four-vol spin on it. Oh, did I? Yeah. Patois of the streets. Second T to me. Yes. You added your kind of four-vol spin on it. Oh, did I? Yeah. Yeah. Patois of the streets. Second tee to me. Yes.

Um, tee time! Take a break. And murder Freyvold. W wigs. Wigs. Wigs. Gotta be. Gotta be.

Yes. E. E. Earth is where we will kill Freyvold. Oh, that's very good. That's very good. And not up in the vicar of Yanks' satellite. E. E. Earth is where we will kill five alt. Oh, that's very good. That's very good. And not up in the Vicar of Yanks' satellite.

Certainly not. He's not around anymore either. What? What? Have you... have you come up to space to kill the Vicar of Yanks? I have this vague memory that I may have done something to him in the past. Do hope that he's still alive. I hope he's alive.

He's a wonderful gentleman. He's one of my favorites. Me too, now. He's the nicest gentleman I've ever watched. I don't remember, so I'm hoping I did nothing, but it's quite possible that I did. You just have a feeling. Yeah, I'm hooked on it. I'm hooked on phonics myself.

I, to you. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm hooked on a feeling. Yes, that's right. That was an amazing coincidence. That's right. L, look here coincidence. That's right. Ha! L, look here, I'm hooked on a feeling. Perfect.

Okay, E to U? E to E, phone home, because Frivolt is gonna kill Frivolt, hopefully. In that song pattern. Mm-hmm. R to U, Lord Webber? Right. Let's murder Fyvault, matey. Oh, you're getting... I assume you'll be shouting it when you do that. Of course I will. So of course my voice will deteriorate into cockney.

Yes, okay. S. Say... wouldn't it be a thing to kill Freyvault? N to you. Nell Carter is not who you are. You are for the man who will help kill Freyvault and save Andrew Lloyd Webber and the other guy. Very good. A to you.

Oh wigs. Oh, or A like the Fonz. No, for another Mnemonic Revive. No, no, that'll mess us up. I'm sorry, I don't know where I got that room. Yeah, oh my goodness. I feel like we almost need to start over. Getting confused by this Fonzie-type exclamation. I don't know if I feel that way.

Oh, okay. T to me. Uh... Sorry, but I developed a lisp. But let's kill Frivol. Certainly. Mm-hmm. C to you. Can't.

Great. Great. And the final letter to Andrew Lloyd Webber, the honor of the final letter, H. Hello. And we all know when one says hello, it is polite to say hello back. So we should add another H probably. And there are three fingers pointing back at you.

That's true. So add another H for hello for both of us to say hello. So it rot while a snatch ha. Snatch ha, yes, of course. So here's the situation that we're in. Yes. If Frivolt. To review.

If Frivolt were to ever burst upon... The scene. The scene, yeah. Hahaha. Wouldn't it be crazy if he was here right now? It would be crazy. He is not though. Wouldn't it be crazy if he was here the whole time?

It would be crazy. Of course he's not. Wouldn't it be crazy if he had dressed up like an old man to fool you guys and he was just here the whole time? It would be crazy of course, but that is not the situation in which we are. Scalp, scalp. Zip! Hello! Frivol!

Yeah! Why? You remember me? Remember you tried to kill me? Ah, that's vaguely familiar. Oh yeah, vaguely familiar. What's up Andrew Lloyd Webber? You forgot me? I was a Sondheim fan, you motherfucker. No, this is Steven Sondheim, I think. Oh, shit. Steven Sondheim? Oh, I was a Sondheim fan, you motherfucker. No, this is Stephen Sondheim, I think. Oh, shit, Stephen Sondheim? Oh, I'm Stephen Sondheim from America.

From New York, as in America. Of course I can. I'm from New York City. I can tell by your accent. Oh, you love barbecue sauce, right? I love barbecue sauce. It's an honor to meet you. I'll get to you in a second.

Thank you. Yo. I'm not, I'm not Scott. You're not? Zip! Hello? Forvel? Hello? Why, you're just a little boy.

Where am I? Who the hell are you? Do you have any scraps? You're on Earth. Do you have any scraps? Yo, this is fucked up. Um, hey. I killed Forvel in a previous time to take his body to come back here.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm up. Um, hey. Oh. I killed Fourville in a previous time to take his body to come back here to kill Scott

Alkerman. He didn't kill me. And Andrew Lloyd Webber. I thought I did. Now I had some zombie makeup lying around I stole from Steven Young. That is the most brilliant trickery I've ever heard. The greatest trick that Fourville ever played was getting to polish his zombie makeup. Well, thank God my brother is still alive.

Hi, Tri-Vault. I missed you. I missed you. I'm sorry I had to kill you. You didn't kill me. Thank God. Why'd you want to kill me? I had to because you guys killed me when I did nothing.

Well, now I of course didn't kill anyone. I'm from America. Wait, is this who? Is this Stephen Sondheim? It's me, Stephen Sondheim. This is Stephen Hutt. This is the incomparable Stephen Sondheim. Bow down.

The American composer. Freyfault, don't you see what's happening? What? That's not Stephen Sondheim. What are you saying? What? What are you doing, Scotrick? I'm not Scotrick.

Scotrick? Wait, you're not Favel? What in the? I'm Favel. Who the? Favel? What in the? I'm Favel. Hey,? Forville? What da?

I'm Forville! I will dig this- This is a plan that we hatched! T'watch! So, all I know is, I came here to kill some timebobbies, and if we have all somehow collapsed upon each other inside out at some sort of vortex... Do you own a vortex, by the way? Do I own a vortex? Yeah, mine's under my bed. I never use it. Yeah, well we lived in the same house for a little while,

so yeah, maybe I slipped into that vortex somehow. Maybe I'm thinking of my vorplex. I'm very frightened and afraid. You do not look frightened, you look more confused than anything else. I also that. Did you hear his voice? He slipped out of the New York accent.

Oh, you motherfucker. Yeah, it is Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yes, yes, it is I, Andrew Lloyd Webber. And I am prepared to accept whatever fate awaits me at your hands or the hands of you. Freyvoldt, I'll let you do the honors and just say what you want to do to this motherfucker because he's really, he's fucking,

he's really just a fucking, he's a fucking cock in my eyes. Now tell me about it, this fucking guy, I mean this guy's a fucking piece of shit, man. What crime have I committed other than inspiring millions with my musical compositions? I go to my grave if to the grave I must go with my head held high in service of Her Majesty.

You treated my little brother like shit and he wanted to live with you? And you said nothing, you would not let him. As a matter of fact, you played him like like a fool and then he came back to apologize All I wanted was a nice man with a nice home I offered to let you live in a golden cage But you threatened to stab me again and again and a few times you did stab me motherfucker You put me in a cage again now now it's not you for what we've talked about your language

Oh, don't you talk to him like that? He could talk any way he wants. I've got my bigger brother Fryvold here now, and he's gonna protect me. And besides that, I'm also packing. I got the Rottweilers. He was in disguise. He doesn't have any of them. I actually got the Rottweilers right here. Rottweiler snatch.

What? What? What? What? I just said Rottweiler snatcher. Yeah, I know what that was. Because I was dressed up as Forville. Wait, I know what it was, cause I'm dressed up like Scott.

What? You are Scott? No, I'm- wait, am I? I think you two better kill each other. Let me check this almanac for a second here. Check the almanac. Who am I? Turns out the Red Sox won the World Series recently. Wait, that team in Boston? Oh boy.

Wait a minute, let me put my costume back on. Zip! Hey. I'm back. I realize now that Forville and I are the same person that I'm just wearing a Scott costume, but I actually am Forville. Oh, you, I'm sorry, you just realized that you're wearing a Scott costume? Yes, I've been wearing a Scott costume my whole life. And that I actually am Forville. And you are Frivol, my brother.

Correct. I was dressed up as an old forvo as a joke. You tricked me into thinking that I was an old man. Also that we could kill Andrew Lloyd Webber. So let's kill Andrew Lloyd Webber. I say we do this. I say let's kill Andrew Lloyd Webber. Full circle.

What? We find ourselves at a curious circumstance. Shut the fuck up. Oh my god, this is. The grizzly man himself. He's not the grizzly man. He's the director. Oh, I thought that was an autobiography.

No, no, this is. It's not an autobiography. No, yeah, grizzly man was not about the director of the film, Werner Herzog. I did not realize that. No, no, Werner Herzog? Yes. You've been dressed up like Andrew Lloyd Webber?

For this whole time, every time you dressed up like Andrew Lloyd Webber? For this whole time, every time you have spoken to Andrew Lloyd Webber, it has secretly been me. The entire time? The entire time. So, where is Andrew Lloyd Webber? He doesn't exist. What?

Say what? He is a creation of legend. It was originally to make children eat their vegetables. That was why Andrew Lloyd Webber was invented, to make children eat their vegetables. It didn't work. Yeah, clearly. Was it a thing of, if you don't eat your vegetables,

you'll have to go to an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical? That's correct. Interesting. We are really involved in quite a buttercream effect right now. This is the buttercream effect, I think. My goodness. We are really involved in quite a buttercream effect right now. This is the buttercream effect I think. My goodness. Seems as if my whole world has collapsed in upon itself.

And mine as well. Every time Andrew Lloyd Webber has been on the show it's been you in disguise? Yes, that is correct. Disguise? Disguise right there. No wonder you said you had two thumbs when you were Andrew Lloyd Webber. I've only known one other guy to have two thumbs and that's been you. Yes, my thumbs are so constant that I might as well be an Englishman.

I have to say this is technicality no down boo over. Technicality no down boo over. Yes, this is technicality no down boo over. Technicality no down boo over. Technicality no down boo over. I don't like this. Technicality no down boo over. Technicality no down boo over. Yes, yes. Coco Marx. Wait, Coco Marx is here?

Yeah, it's me, Coco Marx. How did this? He started zip what? Hi, it's me, Aaron Neville. Aaron Neville. I don't know much. Oh my God, layers upon layers. Zip.

What? It's me, Fievel, from the movie. From an American tale? Correct, somewhere out there. At least the animated film. Zip. It's me, Peeble Bryson. Somewhere out there.

Zip. It's me, Aladdin. Didn't you sing a song for Aladdin? A whole new world! Don't you dare shut your eyes. Wait, are you who we think you are? Zip! Y'all hear him sirens? J.W. Stillwater!

That's right! There's a crime going on here! Y'all murderers! Zip! It's me, Jesse the Mind, soul body Venters! Zip! It's me, Jesse the Mind, sore body Ventura! Zip! Hello, it's the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Zip! It's me, Jazz Jazz! Jazz Jazz. Who's Jazz Jazz? From... From... This is an obscure one, right? Jazz Jazz, I'm a fan of the show.

The barber... the barber shop? I'm trying to remember his details. Zip! Hi! Well, looky here! Oh, wow! Hule Hauser. I'm back from the dead, wow! Risen from the dead. Wow! Risen from the grave or is it just Steve Young zombie makeup?

Wow! Zip! And bring out the girls. Zip! I was lying the whole time. It's me, Forvel again. The real Forvel. Zip!

It's me, Scott. I was lying the whole time. Zip! It's me, Forvel again, the real Forvel. Zip! It's me, Scott. I was lying the whole time. Zip! It's me, Andrew Lloyd Webber. I was lying the whole time. You motherfuckers. You motherfuckers. You motherfuckers as well.

Science! We're all just a bunch of motherfuckers. We're all a bunch of time traveling motherfuckers. We're like the ears but people. We were lying to each other. We all lied. We were folding in on each other and it's gotta stop. It's gotta stop.

There's only one way to stop it. What's that? Like this! RYWALER SNATCH! RYWALER SNATCH! RYWALER SNATCH! You can't do this! You motherfuckers, this will never happen again! I'm gonna get out my pony, I'm gonna drive away!

I will return! Look at him drive that pony! Tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk tuk It looks as if that is so. Is this blood seeping through my fingers? He got me walking dead style right in the forehead. Oh no. Yes. Hi, I'm Jay Davidson. I was looking for my penis.