Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Time Bobby (Paul F. Tompkins, Bobby Moynihan)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another Bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs being of course where we re-release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And this is a very exciting series we're about to embark upon because we are for the next four weeks going to be featuring the iconic Time Bobby episodes. That's right, Time Bobby. This started as but a mere episode that we recorded and thought people would like. The first one turned out to be one of the most favorite episodes of the year that year,

Starting point is 00:00:37 and we followed it up with several sequels. So this week we're releasing the first Time Bobby episode. This was released March 26th, 2012 as episode 150. And it features Paul F. Tompkins as Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Bobby Moynihan from SNL as the stab happy orphan Forville. This was voted as the best episode of 2012 in the best ofs of that year. So, hey, I think you're in for a good one.

Starting point is 00:01:08 If you enjoyed this and you wanna hear more episodes featuring Paul F. Tompkins or Bobby Moynihan, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com. We have all of the past episodes that you can't find anywhere else, plus every single live show, all of this ad-free, new episodes ad-free, bonus shows like CBB Presents, Scott Hasn't Seen.

Starting point is 00:01:30 We're gonna be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, I wish I had more tie-dyed t-shirts. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you so much for that catchphrase submission, Charlie Craft. And yeah, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. It's, I'm back from my travels. This is, by the way, if you have never heard the show before, my name is Hot Saucerman.

Starting point is 00:02:24 And I'm back. I'm back from South by Southwest. Thank you so much to everyone who came out to see us at South by Southwest to see these shows. Had some great shows. You heard the one that we put out last week and then, you know, thanks for coming out to all the other ones, the stand-up shows and the, that weird IFC show that we did in the strange IFC house.

Starting point is 00:02:46 Apologies to anyone who came out to that, to see us turn that into a debacle. And yeah, I'm back now. We're done with the show. We're in post, the TV show. We're in post-production, if you don't know what post means. Post-production is what that means. We're editing them together. They're coming out great.

Starting point is 00:03:05 I can't wait for you guys to see it. Thanks so much for all of your kind words about the sneak peek that we put out. And speaking of the sneak peek, we have one of the guests that you saw on the sneak peek here for the entire hour. This is quite a treat because sometimes he comes barging in here like some

Starting point is 00:03:26 loudmouth buffoon. But we have him here all hour. He's here for a quiet sedate interview. And we're just going to get into it. I mean, I'm very excited because I, you know, growing up, as many of you know, a musical theater person, I loved his work growing up. First of all, I came to know his work from the musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I saw that when I was 14 years old, thought it was fantastic. Then segued into a more, in my opinion, a more adult tone with Jesus Christ Superstar. But then the hits just caaa-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e- of the Opera and so many more and he's here to talk to us about all of those and what he has going on now. I want to welcome to the program our very special guest for the entire program. He's a musical theater legend. He is, I would say, a composer, not as much a librettist. He usually finds other people to write the words for him, but maybe we're going to find out about some of his future projects. But you know him. How long can this intro go on? I know. You know

Starting point is 00:04:50 him as Lord ALW. Andrew Lloyd Webber is here with us. Do you know, Scotty, I've been holding my breath for the entirety of that introduction. I had no idea. Why did I do it? Why would you? I was not required to do so. introduction. I had no idea. Why did I do it? Why would you? I was not required to do so. No, I never asked you. Under the podcastual bylaws.

Starting point is 00:05:09 Why? A gentleman holds his breath during an introduction. Everyone knows this. Well maybe you're just soaking all of that in. You don't want to exhale. A gentleman never soaks anything in. I noticed that you've tied a ribbon around your microphone. I have.

Starting point is 00:05:27 For the troops. Yes, I know you're very, which troops, by the way? Grenada. So. I'm late on my walls. I'm just getting around to Grenada. Just getting caught up. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:38 Yes. Oh, those bloody Falklands. Thank God that's over. Yes. Well, welcome, welcome, Andrew. There you are. You know, you've been a guest on this program many times. Countless.

Starting point is 00:05:49 And this is the first time that you've been an invited guest. Yes, thank you. Usually we're doing the show, if people have heard the show before, usually we're doing the show and I talk to one of our guests. Correct. And in the middle of the show, some oddball comes in. And you're sometimes... I'm certain you don't lump me in that particular category.

Starting point is 00:06:10 You're an actual theatrical gentleman who occasionally comes in. Legend some say. Some say. I just said it. Wouldn't kill you to repeat it. All right, you're a legend. Thank you. All right.

Starting point is 00:06:22 So welcome to the show. It's always great to see you. Thank you, Scotrick, for're a legend. Thank you. All right. So welcome to the show. It's always great to see you. Thank you, Scotrick, for actually inviting me. Now, in a way, you have invited me because you have an open door policy. I do. When it comes to you, sometimes I need to invite you because you're a lot like a vampire. Yes, I do.

Starting point is 00:06:39 Where you won't step into a room until... I think it's because of my medal. I wear this medallion. Your Dracula medallion. Many people wear this medallion. Your Dracula medallion? And your cape? Dracula medallion is of course the style of medallion that it is. It refers to the shape. I have not been awarded it for Dracula activities. Dracula-ric activities. I wish I'd said that the first time. Ah well, we could always snip that out. I wish you would!

Starting point is 00:07:03 Nope. So welcome to the show. Yes, you're an invited guest. Thank you. You were saying. Yes. So, I sometimes just had to barge in here when the spirit moved me, when I had something about which to speak, a burning desire to share my thoughts with the world via your podcast.

Starting point is 00:07:22 You quite often have several new ideas of theatrical endeavors. I say that's true! I'm always thinking don't you know? You see I work in my dreams so when I fall asleep each night or sometimes during the day when none of us get to get a younger darling, I shall go into this cloud cuckoo land where I think of my ideas for musicals. Ah that's where they all come from. I noticed that some of your ideas are as. Ah, that's where they all come from. I noticed that some of your ideas are a little bizarre. Well, a lot of them involve being naked in my old high school.

Starting point is 00:07:52 I would love to see that new musical that you have planned. There was one new one that I had been working on called My Mom's House, Only It's not my mom's house. Um. But, uh, point me. Yes, yes. That I have to rush down here to the ear of Wolf Studios. Yes. And share with the world these thoughts that I have because I'm bursting with the themes of the creativity. Well, we have plenty of time today

Starting point is 00:08:19 to hear about all of these ideas. Thank heavens. Because. I look forward to spending this time with you. We're gonna do our best. Being the sole guest. Mano a mano, one on one. Man to man.

Starting point is 00:08:29 Uno to uno. And nothing will ever interrupt us. Not a single thing. Until we reach the end of the program. That's right. In which case, we will be interrupted by the program's conclusion. Yes. And that may not be an interruption as much as it will be a denouement. Oh I like what you use theater terms. Thank you so

Starting point is 00:08:49 much. Thank you. So first ask me, may I say, at this point this is a it's rare that I do such a thing. Mmm-hmm. Scotrick you may ask me anything. Nothing is out of bounds, nothing is off limits. It's all all's fair in love and war and this interview. We may chat about this, that, even the other thing, which I have heretofore forbidden any journalist to ask me about. Right. All right. Well, let me try to delve deep then. I am an open book and lyrics. I would love to ask you something just maybe that no one has ever asked you before. I dare you to do so. All right, who would you say are the two main characters in Jesus Christ Superstar?

Starting point is 00:09:32 Ah, this is an excellent question. No one has ever asked me this. Usually everyone just knows. If I were to state definitively who the main two characters are, in Jesus Christ, I would start. Also, you could expand it to main three, too. Oh, oh, I like the way you think. This is certainly, this is two unasked questions in a row. The main two characters are in order, I would say.

Starting point is 00:09:57 Okay, in order of importance or in order of appearance? Both. Okay, great. Now, I can't remember who appears first. Please don't hold me to that. I believe Judas appears first. Alright. Then this would be in order of importance. Okay.

Starting point is 00:10:10 In my mind. He's, he, he, he, the curtain rises. Yes. Lights up. That's right. Both of those kind of usually at the same time. Everyone is told backstage, stop whistling, stop saying Macbeth. And then all of a sudden, Judas appears on stage.

Starting point is 00:10:24 That's right. And you hear that famous refrain. Always there are some boos in the audience. Yes, always. They recognize him. Boo, you betrayed our lord. Then Judas twirls his mustache. That's right.

Starting point is 00:10:35 He puts on his top hat. He stands up from the train tracks, where he's tied Jesus Christ. And he asks Mary Magdalene for the rent. That's right. She says, I cannot pay this rent, you ask. Yes. And he says, ah, but I am Judas Iscariot, and I demand you pay 30 rents.

Starting point is 00:10:54 30 pieces of rent. Yes. 5,216 hundred rents. Yes. And then Jesus bursts from his ropes and he says, Jesus smash, then he goes on a rampage, smashing this and that. The military has called in. Yes, of course. And they start firing at him.

Starting point is 00:11:16 But the shells just bounce off of his skin. He says, you make Jesus angry. Puny humans. Puny humans. Then Punches Pilot comes in. And he says. And he punches Punches. Jesus angry! Puny humans! Puny humans! Yes. Then Punches Pilot comes in, and he says... And he punches Punches. He punches Punches, who becomes a pilot, gets in a plane, but he can't fly it because he's

Starting point is 00:11:34 so scared of the controls being dirty, he keeps washing his hands! Yes, of course! The plane crashes. Jesus resurrects everyone for the plane crash. Smash cut 2. It's 20 years later. The Sky Dad Corporation has taken over all of Judea. Yes.

Starting point is 00:11:50 Oh my goodness, what an amaz- Now, many of you have probably not seen this program because you're not theater nerds like us. No, no. I imagine you like your sporting events. Yes. Crickets. Your North American baseball? Your North American football?

Starting point is 00:12:06 What's that? Football. Hmm. Sounds familiar. It's a game where it has a quarterback and he touches the ball with his foot a lot. Oh, you mean like English soccer? Yes, of course. Yes.

Starting point is 00:12:18 Okay. So, um, and that's Jesus Christ Superstar and there's the characters. Okay, fantastic. Well, I have many more questions like this, so... I hope you have thousands and thousands. So here we go. The more probing the better. Okay. You may ask me personal things. Doesn't need to just be work related. I'm giving you

Starting point is 00:12:35 carte blanche. Okay. All right. Personal questions. How do you feel about the main characters in Jesus Christ Superstar? Do you feel like they're the right ones that you picked? And who are they? Do you know, Scotrick, I have conversations with the characters from my musicals almost every day. Who's that knocking? This is highly regular!

Starting point is 00:13:00 This has never happened in the middle of an interview. What? Who's this little ragamuffin? Hello. Look at this street urchin. Where are you, Mr. Hello? Who's this little ragamuffin? Hello. Look at this street urchin. Hello. Who are you, son? Speak up, boy.

Starting point is 00:13:09 Are you Andrew Lloyd Webber? Why, yes, I am. Always nice to meet you, man. You're a smart young child, you are. Oh, my God, hi. Hello, little young man. I'm a fan. You're a fan of the musical theater?

Starting point is 00:13:19 Yeah. And my work in it in particular? Yeah, I was lost and I heard your voice outside. I came I say you recognized my voice. Yeah from outside the building wouldn't recognize that voice Wait, I like the cut of this young man's jubilee. I do too. I do too But this is so you're lost in the building young man. I got lost. I'm so sorry. I was outside I was so lost and I heard the voice so I came in because I'm hungry I was looking for scraps. How long have you been lost?

Starting point is 00:13:48 For a couple years. What? A couple years you say? Yeah. That's a long time to be lost little boy. I don't have a watch or a calendar so I don't know the exact time. Do you know the day that you... Yeah, you borrowed my calendar.

Starting point is 00:13:59 It was the third... really? Yes, there you are. Andrew Lloyd Webber's calendar. Wow, what's on that calendar? It's huge. Look at this calendar, what's on there? It's beautiful, so many days. Well, aside from the days, he scribbled little appointments on there. Tell us some of those.

Starting point is 00:14:11 It's got one new topic of a film he's doing, first film ever. Oh, wait a minute, a new film. This is a scoop. He's never ventured into that, I know, because I follow his work a great deal. Well, you've been gone for the last two years, though. How would you know that? Oh, wait a minute, a new film. This is a scoop. He's never ventured into that. I know because I follow his work a great deal. Well, you've been gone for the last two years though. How would you know if he's talked about it?

Starting point is 00:14:30 Newspapers. Oh, okay. Do you see newspapers every day? Yeah, that's what I sleep on because I don't got a home. Oh, these newspapers don't have a date on them. Yeah, they do, but I only got one good eye. Oh, I feel like a fool for asking that. Seems like plenty to read a date on a newspaper though. I'm sorry. One good one?

Starting point is 00:14:49 Yeah. Seems like you could read a date. Well I kind of but let's not get down to breast tech or anything. No I'm sorry to press you on this. Leave the little boys. You have to excuse me I'm starving so I get a little on edge sometimes. Scotty do we have any food here at the studio? Just scraps, any kind of scraps. I mean, all I have is sort of the fat that I cut off of my steak. That would be the greatest. I don't know. I don't want, you know, I mean, it's bad for your health. I don't know. I was saving that for my dog.

Starting point is 00:15:18 He is a rag of muffin. I'm better than a dog. I'm a human boy. He does out rag dogs. All right, here, have my table scraps. Thank you. Here you go. Wait, you're eating the foil, you're eating the swan foil. There's vitamins in the foil.

Starting point is 00:15:35 No, please unwrap it if you could. Okay. Yeah, okay. You're very hungry. Thank you so much, I haven't eaten in years. Wow! Is that medically possible for him to survive that long? I don't know. I don't got a real doctor.

Starting point is 00:15:46 Fair enough. That makes sense. We, see, we're just using, you know, using science that we know. But you say a doctor would be able to tell you if not eating. A doctor could tell you anything. It's the most trusted man in the business world. To be fair, Scotrick, perhaps we've become used to medical advances that have happened in the last two years.

Starting point is 00:16:06 That's true. Perhaps we know that doctors can tell people that... Yeah, that's what I was saying. So it's commonplace to us now, but for this little boy, emerging from the fog of two years ago. Mm, you remember it, 2010. Oh, I wish I could. Oh no, actually 2009, because we taped this in 2011.

Starting point is 00:16:25 Oh, that's right. I keep forgetting that. Yeah, we taped it a year in advance. I keep forgetting it's 2011. Yeah. That's because I got your calendar. That's exactly why! Give him back his calendar. You can have your calendar back.

Starting point is 00:16:38 Here, I give you these table scraps, once as big as yourself. Oh, thank you. Where did you get so many table scraps? I'm just always carrying them around. Really? For what purpose? For just such an occasion. In case I meet orphans. Oh my orphan, you could take me if you want and put me in a musical. Are you dear boy, are you an orphan? I used to be an actor. Is that so? Yeah. You've trod the boards. I did a lot of musical theater when I was just a baby boy. Is that? What productions?

Starting point is 00:17:04 Would I have seen any of these? I was in Jesus Christ Superstar. That's what I'm buying! Yeah. What role did you play? That's what Jesus Christ- He's one of the main three! Can I, may I be candid?

Starting point is 00:17:16 Sure. He's the main number one. Whoa! The most important character. All right. In Jesus Christ Superstar. So you played Jesus Christ Superstar, so- We just called him Jesus Christ Superstar. So you played Jesus Christ Superstar. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:25 We just called him Jesus Christ in the musical. So can you sing one of the songs for us? I wore my coat with golden lining. I love it when Jesus wears his coat in that show. It's just like he shows it off and he's real. Because it's a big coat, it's real nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. It must have looked even bigger on you. You're just a little baby boy. I still got it. What? I still got it. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:48 Why aren't you wearing it now? Got stolen. Oh no, you don't still got it after all. I was on the street sleeping and a man took it. May I ask you young man? Yeah. What are the curious circumstances that led you to be a homeless little fellow. My parents were dead. Ew. So did you run away from an evil orphanage a la Annie? Yeah, and a rich man took me in for a little while. And they got me into a theater program. Oh, that's so nice of him.

Starting point is 00:18:20 That was nice. Sort of broadened your horizons. I just wanted scraps. Well, I'm sure that if he was a rich man, you could have eaten anything. He was a very rich man. Ice cream sundae? He gave me lots of good food, ice cream sundaes. He gave me a banana once.

Starting point is 00:18:33 I put it on the ice cream sundae, and that's how the banana split got created. I don't know if you know that fact. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. I have to ask you, young man. Well, the second time it was created. Oh, no further questions so when you created it when it became something in your mind yeah okay great I

Starting point is 00:18:52 had never seen one before okay so you actually created it because you'd never seen one before someone can invent something even if it exists yes if they don't know it exists yeah they think they've invented it. It's like someone who writes a joke that already exists. You still wrote the joke. Great minds think alike as they say. Yeah, baby. I just made that up right now.

Starting point is 00:19:14 I'm sorry to tell you. This is the creation. The man, Austin Powers, has copyrighted that. What's up, Austin Powers? He was a great. He's been gone for longer than two years. A great agent. Am I six?

Starting point is 00:19:25 So what happened to the rich man, though? He put you into this theater program and then... He threw me away. What? In a dumpster. This cruel fellow. Wait, what happened? So, you were in a theater program.

Starting point is 00:19:39 I found I was walking the streets looking for scraps in a very rich part of town. And the rich man picked me up and he said, can you sing? I said, yeah. And he put me in a theater program. Okay. But what happened then? I don't understand because you're under the care of a rich man. It seems like you...

Starting point is 00:19:56 I get, sometimes I can be a bit much. Oh, you're a handful. Yeah. Now, Scottish is right. Normally, for an orphan to become under the care of a rich man, it is a conservation devoutly to be wished by orphans. But you're saying it was through some personality quirk of your own.

Starting point is 00:20:15 Yeah, I get stabby. What is that? Now, I'm not familiar with American slang. What does that mean? Crankier? I live on the street, so I got to know how to take care of myself be tough guy Again I do not know what he's trying to say Lord ALW is that he's called me Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber My name is it Fagan it's? It's Forvel. Forvel!

Starting point is 00:20:45 It's like Fival but one less. So, wait, what was I saying? Oh, stabbing. You asked it, yes, stabbing. I think what he's trying to say is he actually stabs people. Oh yeah, all the time. Is that what you mean? You gotta take care of yourself.

Starting point is 00:20:59 You gotta know how to stab or else you'll get, you know, you get taken away. Well, you're not wrong there. Are you carrying a weapon right now on your person? I'm not carrying it, it's in my pocket. What? Oh, semantics, he's got you. Technically, his pocket is carrying it. My hands are all greasy from the scraps, so I don't want to get on a knife because then

Starting point is 00:21:17 the stabby won't be so accurate. And to be fair, you did make him unwrap the scraps. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I mean, that actually is in our favor in case he wants to pull that knife. It may slip out of his hands. Why, why so ever should he want to pull that knife? No, you guys seem nice. We are, I am.

Starting point is 00:21:32 And so did your father figure, the rich guy, I would imagine. No, he was nice. He was nice. Why, why, why, why, why were you compelled to become so, as you put it, stabby? He's got a mouth on him. He don't know when to stop tell me to clean my room and I'm not ready to clean my room fucking horrible come on now I mean I hate I hesitate to even criticize you it's okay

Starting point is 00:22:02 I like you I like you so I'm a fan of the show too. Wait, you know this show as well? Of course. Ah, how did you get lost right outside my building then? Um, I got lost all over the place, but right outside I heard the beautiful voice and I came to it. I didn't even know it was like, um, it's like it was pulling me towards like a rapture of some kind. You've been gone for two years. It's 2011 right now because we taped the show a year in advance So how would how have you even heard the show have you been listening outside the door this whole time sometimes?

Starting point is 00:22:29 I'll just go up to close to people's ears when they have headphones in trying listening on the streets That's not annoying. Yeah, no, they hate it I'm I curse those people you're an adorable little fellow. Thank you. I would be delighted. Coming from you, that's a dream. I would feel much more comfortable if you disarmed yourself, if you just sort of put that out on the table and just said. That's one. One?

Starting point is 00:22:54 One? Large knife. Butterfly knife, I invented that. In what way did you invent that? Because that's an actual professional knife. I invent. I just thought of it, so I bought it. You bought it, you didn't, I mean.

Starting point is 00:23:09 Well sometimes I like to say that's inventing things. I'd never had one before and I'd never seen it, so when I bought it I said, now this is something I could get used to. Young Master Favel, may I ask you, when you say butterfly knife, are you referring to the shape or its purpose? I have killed many butterflies.

Starting point is 00:23:27 By knife. Yeah, because they don't know when to fucking. Oh, again, young fellas. They just fly near you and it's in your personal space and you gotta teach these fucking things a lesson. Oh, please, where did you learn this kind of language? The streets. Oh, okay, I understand now.

Starting point is 00:23:44 Now you have it, yes, the streets. We have to judge him on a different scale than the normal people who have been raised correctly. He's, at times when he uses such a vile words, he sounds like a regular cockney, as if he's been born between the sound of both bells. I was in My Fair Lady too when I was a kid. Is that so?

Starting point is 00:24:02 What role did you play? What role did you play? Alfred Doolittle, the father, clearly. Oh, meaning get me to the church on time? I was in My Fair Lady too when I was a kid. Is that so? What role did you play? What role did you play? Alfred Doolittle, the father, clearly. Oh, meaning Get Me to the Church on Time? Get me to the church on time. Wonderful song. Oh, I love that song.

Starting point is 00:24:14 Even better, hearing a little child sing it. Thank you. It's a brand new meaning. Did you know the songs in that musical were written by the Monkeys? No, Rest in Peace, maybe Jones. Yes, they did not write their own songs. What? Next year, David Bowles is going to die?

Starting point is 00:24:28 Yes. That's the other thing. I'm into the future. Somebody should tell him. I'll get around this. Scotrick, I'm your bearing the lead here. You're a time traveler? Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:40 I mean, I've never mentioned that on the show before. Why? Why have I not? I ping pong back and forth from a year in the future. Are you in control of this? I? Regulate sort of what happens, you know, I'm sort of a time policeman like a time copper We don't like to be called cops. I do apologize time Bobby Time Bobby is much better. He doesn't like that Andrew. I'll stab this guy He doesn't like that, Andrew. I'll stab this guy.

Starting point is 00:25:02 No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Please don't, please, Forval, do not stab. I thought you were, see, right, this is what's worrying me about you. He's a good, he's a genius man, but they don't mess with people. I know, but that's what's troubling to me is that just a second ago you said you would never stab either of us. No, I wouldn't, but, uh.

Starting point is 00:25:17 And now you're saying that you will stab one of us. Just watch your step is all I'm saying. You seem entirely too ready to stab. I'm just good at it. I mean, the good thing is, is though at least your weapons are equidistant from the three of us. They're just right there in the middle of the table. Any of us could reach over.

Starting point is 00:25:32 I like to keep it fair. Yeah, so if it ever comes to it during the course of this program, we all have a good equal chance at grabbing the knife. Although it does look a little slippery because your hands. It's greasy. Yeah, with grease. Grease scraps. Scraps grease.

Starting point is 00:25:47 So that may come into play. If it ever comes to that, I'm not saying it even will because hopefully we'll be great friends. I doubt it will. But you know, it may come into it. It may slip out of some of our fingers if we ever grab it. I'm sure we will remain the best of companion through the entire podcast. Everyone's just gotta stay cool. Yeah, we'll all stay cool. I'm sure we will, right? Let us all stay cool.

Starting point is 00:26:04 All right. As Fonzie. Tell you what, I do right? Let us all stay cool. All right. That's funky. Tell you what, I do want to take a little bit of a break here. Why? Why? Well, you know, to pay the bills. I don't understand.

Starting point is 00:26:13 What does that mean? I need about two minutes to go online and pay some of my bills. Some bills? Yeah, you know, just my electric, my cable bill. I wish I had bills. Oh, we'll get to that because we may have some bills for you. Yay! I bet we do.

Starting point is 00:26:32 Whatever Elfyn wants. Responsibilities of a home. All right, so let's take a break and we will be right back here with Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Foremo will be right back Comedy Bang Bang. Comedy Bang Bang. Comedy Bang Bang. Hey, come on. I do apologize. That is in large part all I do on this program.

Starting point is 00:26:53 You are doing the- You're trying to take it away from me. You're resetting. Yes, of course. I do apologize. Comedy Bang Bang. Comedy Bang Bang. I'm doing it again.

Starting point is 00:27:01 Again. I do apologize. I would have much appreciated if you would zip your lip up. Apologies. I very, as a Lord, I'm very used to having my own way. He's the host let him do his job No, you know You know you you got you got it going on you got a lot of stuff going on let him do his Let me have my regular Stacey's mom Reference yes, do you like I love references do your fountains of Wayne? I love references.

Starting point is 00:27:25 Fountains of Wayne though, do you enjoy them? What's that? It's the band that sings that song, Stacey's Mom. What song? Stacey's Mom. You just know it as a saying? I know Stacey and I know her mom. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:27:39 I see. I understand. Well, we're back here with Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Forville. And you know, Forville, I wanted to sort of get it, you know, we were in the middle of a mano a mano, one on one, heart to heart with Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. And as much as your problems are interesting to us both, and one of us may want to adopt you. Oh, no way.

Starting point is 00:28:00 At one point, yeah. It's entirely possible. So you're making a 90% good impression. I'll treat you right. Just let this program be an audition for you. Okay. Okay. The 10% is the stabbing is. Yeah. I understand. It's hard to overcome. That 10% is really weighing heavily on me. Makes a difference. Yeah. I know about auditioning because I auditioned when I was a baby. How did you get the parts by the way? I mean you auditioned were you the best? How did you get to be auditioned? I would crawl. I would crawl sometimes in a papoose.

Starting point is 00:28:34 A papoose you say? Like a red Indian. Were you ever put into a basket on the river? Yeah. Like Moses from biblical times. You should do a musical about Moses No, not interested. Too Old Testament-y. You've done I did Joseph and the Amazing Technical Dream code. Yes. Old Testament? That was my foray into the Old Testament. And that covered all of the Old Testament in your mind. It's just so dreadfully ridiculous That's where a lot of people would say the great stories of the Bible are. They're all made up though. Well sure, but so is...

Starting point is 00:29:09 They're false. Yeah, of course, but so is most of... The ludicrous fairy tales. Are you trying to say that your shows are non-fictional? Yes. The Phantom of the Opera? Yes. Is a non-fiction tale? You've heard of the opera? Yeah. Phantom is a word. I would agree, yes. It's in the dictionary.com website. Therefore, Phantom of the Opera.

Starting point is 00:29:31 Okay. This is a lot like- Simple logic forville inventing stuff, I think. He's a very clever lad. Yeah. I mean, I know that I didn't really invent the things. I'm not fucking stupid. Oh, language, please.

Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm becoming. I don't like the way that you motioned your head towards me too, like to try to startle me. Don't get in my way. Okay. May I ask you, were I to adopt you? And I'm not saying I'm going to. This is a rich guy, just like the other rich guy. I'm still in the audition process. I won't count my chickens. I own a space shuttle. If my chickens yeah I own a space shuttle if were I to adopt you and I attired you in a little velvet short pants suit I gave you a hat straw hat with a big bow on it let you grow out your golden curls what about a lollipop I would give you the biggest lollipop you've ever seen a lolly as there's a lolly what do you think

Starting point is 00:30:23 that would curb your tendency to to swear and use this gutter language? Yeah, I'm a good kid, I just want to be loved. It's just if someone messes with you or if someone tries to break into the home, they're going to get fucking what they deserve, you know? Oh, come on, I don't know. You know, one thing maybe that you need to learn is that when someone criticizes you or gives you instructions, an adult figure, it is a form of love. And I know that you're used to people withholding love from you, but it actually is a form

Starting point is 00:30:53 of love because it's guidance and it's someone showing that they care about you. That's nice, but I mean, still, I'll break your fucking neck if you cross me. I do feel like you're missing the point of what we're trying to do. Just don't cross me, I'm just saying. Okay, alright. I'll come to your house, I'll clean, I'll do my chores, I'll be good, I'll help you transpose your music. Oh, thank you!

Starting point is 00:31:15 Now you're talking! Because the keys are getting a little high for you, Andrew Lloyd Webber, I've noticed lately. Yes, they are. Well, you know, because I will, the way I have my cast members learn the songs, I sing them to them over and over and over again until they learn them. Yes, of course. Because you don't know how to play piano.

Starting point is 00:31:31 That's the weird part. I don't even, I'm not even sure what a piano is. It's that thing, it has 88 keys and... It was like the movie Dick Tracy. Yes, of course. Yeah, 88 keys. It's a very weird reference. No, but you know what? I love that you have a breadth of knowledge about cinema history.

Starting point is 00:31:50 Yeah, I'm pretty good with that. Quite a little... A little scamp. Your little scamp. It's true. So I do want to ask you, before we get to my question to you, Andrew Lloyd Webber, we never found out exactly what happened to the rich old man. Was he old by the way? Oh, Scotrick, Scotrick. This is a good line of inquiry. Okay. I don't know whether he was old or not.

Starting point is 00:32:11 You never said he was old. You just said he was rich. He was old. How old was he? 74. Wow, that is an elderly, rich elderly man. And we've never found out his fate. Will he ever see 75? No. No. He's passed over. He passed. found out his fate will he will he ever see 75 no no he passed he passed he passed yeah and what way did he pass he said he woke up one morning he didn't look so good and I said are you okay and he said leave me alone I said what the fuck did you say and he said I don't feel completely alone. I just stabbed shit out of him. How forful. Because you don't act like that, especially in the morning.

Starting point is 00:32:50 Forful. I'm going to overlook the language in this instance and focus on what I think is the most egregious crime you've committed, which is the crime you've committed of murder. You stabbed this man to death. Murder in the first degree. In the first degree. Yeah, premeditated. Yes, one might say.

Starting point is 00:33:05 Yes. I've learned a lot talking to my friend Ice-T about murder and sexual crimes, mainly. He wrote Cop Killer, one of the greatest songs in history. Really? Do you know we co-wrote that song? No. What? It was originally called Cop Hugger, and I said I've got an idea I have to ask

Starting point is 00:33:27 let's stir up a little controversy oh yes you me and body count it worked it worked like it went down a treat the three of you I mean I'm counting body count as a collector a unit yes you have to in this. In this economy? Yeah. That is fascinating. I have to ask him about that next time he's on. I wish you would. I wish I would too. He's very open about talking about the creative process. I'm going to go into the future just to make sure I've done that.

Starting point is 00:33:56 Excuse me for a second. Where did Scottrick go? There was a flash of light? Vovil, why are you pointing that at me? I'm back. Oh, not a moment too soon. Yeah, I did. I did it. I did it. I forgot to tell Davy Jones, though. Oh, no. Oh, well. It's okay. You'll figure it out. It's fine. He's old. He'll be fine. So what exact... So, so, uh, did the, the policemen take you away? No, I ran

Starting point is 00:34:18 out into, grabbed what I could in my bindle and I went out into the streets. You grabbed your coat of many colors. Yeah, I still had that. I said, bring me my color coat. Now did you? And they did and I ran out into the streets. The servants brought you? Yeah. And they weren't frightened of you from? No, they couldn't, I'm nice to them, but they know if they cross me. May I say a scottish, and of course, Forvel will know this from his experience

Starting point is 00:34:45 with this rich elderly man. Servants, they do their jobs, and if they're good servants, they do them impeccably well. It would be crossing a boundary for a servant. To presume. To presume, someone from the upstairs. You gotta know your place. You have to know, it's true.

Starting point is 00:35:02 Now, Forvel, on this, we do agree. I have seen downtown Abbey, so I know. Yeah. Scotrick. Yes? Oh, my word. What's wrong? Even I know that.

Starting point is 00:35:12 Like fingernails on the chalkboard of my ear drums. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm talking about my favorite program, Downtown Abbey. You've said it twice now. Oh, god. Please. I love that show. I'm the biggest Downtown Abbey fan there probably is.

Starting point is 00:35:26 I'm getting stabby. I'm getting stabby. Hey, how are you? I don't know why. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Go, Fulful, go. I won't bring it up anymore. Can I ask something about your coat?

Starting point is 00:35:34 Sure. You say it's a coat of many colors. Yeah. Are you sure it's not just a white coat that has a lot of red blood stains on it? You fucking came here right now? Don't fool. It's my amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Steady.

Starting point is 00:35:47 I just wanted to make sure that- Just tread lightly is all I'm saying. Okay, I'm sorry. I think we do best to take the lads advice. All right, we'll do. There is blood on the coat, but it's of many. It's the blood of many. People hate so many colors.

Starting point is 00:35:59 So wait a minute, are you trying to say that like Spock's green blood? I killed Leonard Nimoy. Who is this? You killed Leonard name boy. Who is this? 2011 I hope no one will ever hear of this. Okay, let me check. Excuse me. Oh Okay, I'm back. No, no one's heard of it. Oh, thank you next year My guy because I think I checked and no one has ever seen the headline, director of Three Men and a Baby has been killed. I heard if you watch that film,

Starting point is 00:36:33 you can see the background in front of the scenes where Ted Danson is throttling Steve Gutenberg to death saying, why did you make us have a baby? We're only two men. It's very early in the film. In the background, you can see Leonard Nimoy being stabbed to death. There's a shotgun too for a second.

Starting point is 00:36:56 Turns out it was just a cardboard cut out of William Shatner drowning his wife. Oh dear. All right. drowning his wife. Oh dear. Alright. My wife! Alright, alright. Let's get back on track here because we've gone off the rails. Good luck to you.

Starting point is 00:37:18 What I want to know, and we'll get back to Fourville, we'll get back to your troubles and we'll sort of check in with you a little later, but what I want to get back to Andrew Forvel, we'll get back to your troubles and we'll sort of check in with you a little later. But what I want to get back to, Andrew Lloyd Webber, is I feel like- Oh yes, hello, I'm still here. I feel like we were talking about your career and if- Yes, my favorite topic.

Starting point is 00:37:33 You had promised me some sort of, as we say in the biz, exclusive about what you were up to next and I would love to hear exactly what you're doing. Yes, I did promise you an enscoupment, and what I've brought you is my latest endeavor. Now, you know, they're planning this, we're here, we speak of course, here in 2011. They're planning this television program. We're right in the middle of pilot season, I should say that. We're right in the middle

Starting point is 00:38:01 of pilot season 2011. Yes. Now, next year, from what I understand, sources tell me there's going to be a show, a television program. Are you talking about the one where they are in the future and they go back to the past and there's dinosaurs? I'm so excited for that one. That is going to be amazing. Ah yes, it is not the topic about which I'm speaking. Yes, it is not the topic about which I am speaking of. Are they talking about Whitney? I'm super, whoa, she's in sweatpants.

Starting point is 00:38:30 I know who she is, it's Whitney. Sorry. How dare you. Sweet Whitney. Downton. So, this, ooh, ah, it curdles my throat. There's going to be an hour long drama

Starting point is 00:38:44 on the television here in America that's going to be about the creation of a Broadway musical. It's going to be called Smash! Is this about Jesus when he bursts out of those ropes and he attacks the army? It should be, but it isn't. It's about a regular musical. Okay. It's the music, it's the behind the scenes of some uh, tiresome theater people. They're creating a musical about the life of Marin... Mark Maron? Oh my god. That's IFC's doing that. Your IFC. The International Fried Chicken.

Starting point is 00:39:18 Wait, they're doing what? They're creating... Next year? Yes, next year. Oh my gosh. I hope they pick up my show. We're just working on a pilot with them right now. May I tell you some news from the future? Please. I've talked to another one of these time bobbies. Yes. It's looking good for Company Bang Bang.

Starting point is 00:39:34 I love it, I love it. One word of advice. Yes. Hire Reggie Watts. I'm not a fan. You must do it. Nah, no thank you. Scottrick, please believe me.

Starting point is 00:39:43 Nope, won't do it. You gotta do it. Won't do it, never. You'll see. All right. You cannot change the future No, no trick. Please believe me. No, don't do it. You gotta do it won't do it You never you'll see. All right, you cannot change the future. Everyone knows this that is one thing I've been in the future. I've stayed away from it because I hate spoilers No spoilers. That's one thing being a time policeman. That is really annoying is I hate spoilers. Let's get back to me So I hate spoilers. Let's get back to me. Okay, sure. So. Yes. I've written this script.

Starting point is 00:40:06 We're talking about Smash. Yes, it's a spec script of the drama Smash, which is about the creation of a musical about the most tiresome person in the world, Marilyn Monroe. People love her to death. Why do they still keep talking about her? No one knows. You go into any teenage girl's room, and they just have pictures of Marilyn Monroe up all over.

Starting point is 00:40:29 Oh, wait, no, I'm thinking about people in the 70s and 80s. I'm not talking. You mean all people in their 70s and 80s? Yeah, those are the people obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. That's right. I've written an episode of this show, and I hope it will make it to air But I'd like to I have a year even though I have a year to prepare

Starting point is 00:40:50 It'd be good to do a little just read a scene just to see how it feels out loud Okay, I'll know if I could work on it. Good luck with that and Scotrick, I wonder if you might be able to help me. Oh you would you would like us to read Scotrick I would love it if you and a dear young Forvel here would read Rose. Now, Forvel, you've trod the boards. I have. This would be an honor. Well, the honor is mine, young man, an esteemed board treader such as yourself.

Starting point is 00:41:16 And also, Scotrick. This is amazing. Hey. If you would. I have a bit of a background. Yeah, a bit of a background. Yeah, all right. Well, you know, this is almost like when Quentin Tarantino

Starting point is 00:41:26 directs an episode of CSI or ER or something, like Emergency Room. Did you ever see that episode of The Price is Right, Quentin Tarantino directed? No, I haven't. That sounds amazing. Yes, lingering shots of the women's feet as they introduce the prizes.

Starting point is 00:41:38 Disgusting. Now here, gentlemen, here are your scripts. Oh, thank you so much. I always carry, you know me, I always plant scripts in every podcast studio I go to. That's right, underneath the furniture. Yes. Now, Scottrick, if anyone finds it taped underneath

Starting point is 00:41:53 their seats, they win a gift certificate usually. Yes, also a paint pack blows up in their faces. Ha ha ha. This one isn't gonna blow up in my face, is it? No, no, no, because I've handed it to you. Okay. It responds to my touch, my touch only. Alright.

Starting point is 00:42:06 Now, Scotrick, if you would essay the role of the director. Director. And, uh, however. And, uh, Forville, if you would play the role of the actress. Now, I know that may seem strange. You mean, uctress? Yes, uh, uctress. That may seem strange because you're a little boy, but, uh, back in the barns day, it wasn't that hard.

Starting point is 00:42:23 I have range. No doubt. Your voice is a little high, I mean that's not a criticism. I'm glad you said that because I'm just saying that you know we're all different human beings are all different we all have different voices. That's true there's over 30 voices. Speaking of voices, Favel are you able to change your voice depending on the character? Yes, I am. Could you play a young lady? I could. I'm a fucking actor, man. All right, no need to. Point that at me.

Starting point is 00:42:50 Gosh, yeah. Greasy though it may be. Very well then. As Scotrick is the director, Forville is the actress. I will be playing the role of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, so you're actually in this? Yes. Why not take the liberty of writing myself into it while I'm writing it. Have you ever acted before? Never!

Starting point is 00:43:08 We'll see how it goes. I've seen you on this year's American Idol. Yes. And who were you? You were mentoring the... I mentor them all. That's right. What did you say to all of them this year?

Starting point is 00:43:18 I told all of them to imagine when they're singing the songs that they are singing in the voice of dear old old glamour puss. Yes. Now she's not a flippity-dippit, not a top spot, certainly not a fuss-budget, just a regular old glamour puss. I saw that the other day and I couldn't imagine what you were thinking. Why is that?

Starting point is 00:43:39 Well, I mean, who knows? Okay, well, why do you think any of these children would know what a glamour puss is? I don't even think I know what a glamour puss is. How do they know what a dinner plate is? How do they know what an umbrella is? What a salad bowl is? How do they know what a weskit is?

Starting point is 00:43:58 How do they know what wine to serve with fish? Have you ever heard of a bubble chute? Of course you have, you're a child. Very well. All Alright, very well. So I will also read the stage directions as needed. Okay, fantastic. Here we go, we begin with the director. Do I need to knock on the door? No you don't, I don't know why. It takes place we're already inside. Let me set the scene for the listeners. How is anyone gonna know that I walked inside? I do wish you would stop talking, except when indicated.

Starting point is 00:44:28 May I set the scene for the listener? We're in the rehearsal studio, or rehearsal, as we say, in Britain. They're working on their tiresome musical about Marilyn Monroe. They're all very tiresome theater people. And they're arguing with each other, as people in the theater do. Everyone considers themselves very important and they are of course

Starting point is 00:44:48 wrong. All right and the director begins. He does not knock. Hello I'm walking in the door now. Okay he's already there but go ahead. All right let's get back to rehearsing people we are making a Broadway musical about Marilyn Monroe here not playing American football with President Barack Obama. Whatever I'm rolling my eyes. Gag me with a spoon. Wow that is amazing. It's very well done.

Starting point is 00:45:11 Thank you. I heard that young lady actress. Now let's take it from the top and this time try being talented. Quite a burn. Suddenly the rehearsal room door opens and in walks an impressive figure and an expensive jumper and wearing the robes and medallions in walks an impressive figure and an expensive jumper and wearing the robes and medallions of an English lord. The actress is so startled she cries out.

Starting point is 00:45:29 Excuse me, this is a closed rehearsal, I am so sure. You empty-headed fool, don't you know who that is? Why, it's Tony Award-winning Broadway composer Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, your grace, I am a worthless creature who shall crawl on my belly for the rest of my days. Nay rise child we are all equal to the eyes of Thespus. Now of course that's not actually true my supremacy in the theater is absolute. Oh yes. I just wanted to see how rehearsals are going

Starting point is 00:45:59 for Marilyn Monroe the musical about Marilyn Monroe and her life and death. Oh who cares? Won't you sing one of your own songs for us? Oh please, your excellency, if you shan't I shall take this dagger and slit my own cat-a-walling throat. She produces a knife. No, that's just a stage direction, you're not meant to do it. No, there's no need.

Starting point is 00:46:18 I'll stab if I need to. Of course, please. Thor, the stage character. There's no need for that. Sorry, sorry. Stay your hand, child. I'll go you one better. I'll improve a song that already exists. Hoorah! It's even about Marilyn Monroe already I'll just take the liberty of fixing the lyrics. Goodbye Marilyn

Starting point is 00:46:38 Monroe you've redeceased all of my musicals never got to see one Not even Jesus Christ Superstar the earliest People still talk all about you I don't understand it You didn't even see Starlight Express Where I had actors on roller skates Pretend to be trains. And it seems to me your life was irrelevant because you didn't see any of my work. Why do people care about you? It takes away conversation about me. I'm glad I never knew you and I am glad you're dead

Starting point is 00:47:28 Probably roasting in hell For assisting in someone having extra-merital affairs The president your American president and it goes on from there. Wow, what a Powerful. Oh, I wasn't gonna say that but what are you going to say? Ah moving? No, I'm just gonna say judgmental. Well judgmental yeah, I was going to say judgmental. Well, re... Judgmental? Yeah, I mean... In what way? You think someone is roasting in hell because they...

Starting point is 00:47:52 How did you put it? Assisted? Roasting in hell for assisting in someone's extramarital affairs. Do you want me to stab this guy, Dad? Oh, no. Now, first of all, presumptuous, let's not put the cart before the horse. Secondly, as much as I would like you to stab all manner of people, I will ask you to sheath your weapon.

Starting point is 00:48:13 Thank you, Fawvall. You're a fine, you're an honorable young man. I love you. Oh, OK. Well. May I say, I love you as well. Thank you. You're the son I never, I actually have several children.

Starting point is 00:48:24 But you are a son I never had. Thank you. You are the son I never... I actually have several children. But you are a son I never had. Thank you. That is correct. Well, I hate to think that this matter is settled because we still have some of the program to go before you decide whether or not you're going to adopt. That's true. Nothing has been signed yet.

Starting point is 00:48:37 I have not signed the adoption papers. I was really hoping for it. Do you have adoption papers on you, by the way? Of course. I'm not stupid. You're remarkably clean for having been in your disgusting blood soaked coat for so long. They're the one thing I keep close to my heart. Oh.

Starting point is 00:48:52 Just in case. It's getting a bit dusty in here. No, I think you're crying. No, no. Every day I wake up and I look at the papers and I say maybe I'll meet the Lord and you are a weapon you're taking in. Wait, you've wanted to meet him specifically? I've been following him for years.

Starting point is 00:49:08 Oh, okay. I thought you were lost! No, I'm a filthy liar. The truth comes out. Oh, my, this is a bombshell that I'm afraid we're going to have to take a cliffhanger on because we need to take a break. What? Strike me scarlet! I can't believe this turn of events! We are going to find out about this when we come back. We must take a break! No, we're going to have to take a break. But strike me scarlet, I can't believe this turn of events. We are going to find out about this when we come back. No, we are going to have to take a break.

Starting point is 00:49:30 It's impossible, it's too delicious. We have to, we'll be right back with Comedy Bang Bang and we'll follow up on this dramatic turn of events. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMM MMM MMM MMM M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M around for a bit. Of course, played soundball. Made a machine. Yeah. And we are back at Comedy Bang Bang and we're here. A surprising turn of events happened. Oh yes, that's right. Yeah, we immediately forgot about it. I got so caught up in her exercises. Yeah, I made a little note to talk about it when we came back, which is the only way that I can remember anything. So yeah, so we're back and you were saying that you've been, I have it written down here, stalking Andrew Lloyd Webber?

Starting point is 00:50:25 I wouldn't call it stalking, man. Don't put words in my mouth. I mean. You didn't use that word, you're right. You've been following him with murderous intent. No, no, no. And unbeknownst to me. No, I want him to be my dad.

Starting point is 00:50:37 Okay, well. I don't want to murder him, he's a genius. How did you first hear of him? I mean, you obviously. When I was in Jesus Christ, superstar, it really touched me and I wanted to be with him forever. Oh, this dear little fellow. He is melting this Meiser's heart of mine, which I just decided I have. He's a kind man who's brought smiles to millions and I want to be part of that. So, let me get the chronology of what happened here. You were put into the...

Starting point is 00:51:06 Most important thing. I don't understand why this would be confusing. You were put into the drama program by a rich old man, 74 years old. Daddy Warhorse. Daddy Warhorse. Daddy Warhorse. That was his name. He's one of the legendary angels of the theater.

Starting point is 00:51:21 Correct. He used all of his unlimited wealth to fund various Productions of this that and the other thing which I have allowed you to ask me about. Yes. I'm gonna get to it Don't worry. We have time Now this this gentleman he's been a friend to the theater for as long as I've been alive And you're saying you stabbed him to death. Oh, yeah, I didn't want to he treated me right, but then that morning Oh, he asked me thoroughly. He treated me right, but then that morning... All he asked was that... He just asked that you leave him alone. He was feeling poorly and you stabbed him unto death. You don't act like that. You gotta be nice. I don't tolerate rudeness.

Starting point is 00:51:53 But, uh, forville, dear boy, have you ever considered the more peaceful alternative of discussion, of negotiation, talking with people before you bring out your cold steel blade and insert it betwixt their ribs? I would definitely try to curb my problem if I'm with you, but it's hard. When you live on the streets and you grow up like that, everyone's trying to get you. So sometimes it's just-

Starting point is 00:52:18 How did your original parents die? Because you're trying to say that you came into these stabby feelings because of growing up on the streets. Yeah, because my parents died. Right, so how did they die? It was my birthday and they said, Happy birthday to you and they sing the song and they brought out the cake and... Classic from Mildred and Patty Hill.

Starting point is 00:52:39 Yeah, they brought out the cake. Those spinsters? Yeah, those miserly old croons. It's still demanding money. Still demanding money. Still demanding money. Years after they've passed. Would you believe it? I had a birthday party for someone on my staff.

Starting point is 00:52:52 We all sang happy birthday. There they appeared, rising up out of the floorboards. And they passed a hat? They made everyone turn out their pockets. Some of the poorer members on staff, of course, very embarrassed because they had no money. And moths flew out of their pockets. I remember, yeah. Well, I was mortified on their behalf.

Starting point is 00:53:09 That's happened to me with my wallet every once in a while. Oh, no. In the lean years. The David Lean years. Yes, when you were impersonating David Lean. Yes, of course. Not very... A weird person to impersonate.

Starting point is 00:53:20 Yeah. It doesn't get you a lot of money. Not much demand for it. No, not at all. There are very few people ever lords of Arabia parties So what are we talking about? Oh who cares? So okay, so they sing happy birthday. I stabbed them Why would you stab someone for singing happy birthday? They were singing happy birthday and they got me a cake and I want fudgy the whale cake

Starting point is 00:53:42 But you wanted an ice cream cake fudgy the whale cake and the want a Fudgy the Whale cake but... And you wanted an iced cream cake. I'll Fudgy the Whale cake and I want that. It's your birthday, you should get what you want. So I don't think that you should blame the streets for your murderous leanings here. I disagree, Scott. I really disagree. It sounds like they were instilled in you before you were on the streets. It seems like your murderous urges kind of... I think I just learned from the hardships and stuff that just denied from me. One might say you have a Vigo Mortensonian history of violence.

Starting point is 00:54:10 Some people say I have a Vigo the Carpathian history of science. From Ghostbusters 2? Yeah, correct. I liked Slimer from Ghostbusters 1. Do you remember him? Do you remember him? He had a mouth full of hot dogs. Oh, I love him. Oh god, I wish I had a mouth full of hot dogs. Oh, I loved him. Oh, God, I wish I had a mouthful of hot dogs.

Starting point is 00:54:26 I liked the cab driver who was a skitter to me. Oh, yeah, he was great. You know, a bit of trivia about Slimer. His name actually wasn't Slimer. What was his name? They never called him. Oh, it was... Joseph?

Starting point is 00:54:38 It was Joseph, yeah. And he got the nickname Slimer because, I don't know if you noticed this in the movie but he actually emitted some sort of slime off of his body which then would rub off on people. Well that explains the line that Bill Murray has when he encounters this ghost Slimer and then he's knocked down by the force of this little green goblin and when he arises from the floor he's covered in slime and he says out loud to the other actors he slimed me yeah i don't remember that part true maybe i dreamed it perhaps i'm making it up yeah you might be yeah i think so you've seen

Starting point is 00:55:16 ghostbusters yeah i watched it yeah yeah i watched it with ray park Jr. With Ray Parker Jr. For a couple years did you really was this before your original parents or after after Before the original Ghostbusters right after I stabbed my parents. I took my dog Sandy and I went on the streets And then I and we pocket you know with next door. So I just went in there and And then I went and Ray Parker Jr. lived next door, so I just went in there and sat down. He's not doing much, so we just hung out. Yeah, he, I mean, he was a session musician, of course, who just kind of lucked into the Ghostbusters theme. Lucked into stealing a song from Huey Lewis and the News. As people luck into stealing things.

Starting point is 00:55:58 That's what happened. I found out that he stole that song from Huey Lewis, so I killed him. Oh no. Stabbed him to death. Yeah, but it was... That's not a secret. Stabbed him to death. Yeah, but it was, I- That's not a secret, just no one cares about it. Yeah, true. Yeah, okay. So, um, so let me ask, what were we talking about?

Starting point is 00:56:16 May I ask this? Dear Master Favel, were I to adopt you, to take you on as my ward at the very least, and install you in my mansion, which can be seen from space. Where is your mansion, by the way? Is it in the merry old land of... The top of the world. Okay.

Starting point is 00:56:35 If I were to install you in my top of the world mansion, which can be seen from space, in order to curb your more stabrionic tendencies, what if I were to put you in a special room? Now this room, it doesn't necessarily have walls as we know them, but it has the sort of see-through walls that are sort of made of a bunch of thin sticks just in regular rows on four sides. But these sticks, they are made of gold, solid gold. Wow. I've never seen gold before. What about the ceiling and the floor? Would those also be sticks as well? No, those would be more squares, just a sort of very solid thick squares.

Starting point is 00:57:21 So out of the six sides of this room, I'm presuming it is six sides. Is that? Well, it's a little room inside a big room. So it's a four-sided room. Four-sided, but there's also the top and the bottom. Yeah, so, oh, well, you've got me there. Six sides. So two of these. Congratulations, Albert Einstein. I don't, I mean... Here's your Nobel Prize in mathematics. Try not to invent the atom bomb. I think that you are trying to make fun of me for you not knowing something. That might be exactly what's happening. All right, but in these six... Why don't you look into the future and see if that's the case.

Starting point is 00:57:56 In these six sides, the top and the bottom are solid. Yes. And the other four... They're making a roof and a floor. Sure, and the other four are kind of like... It seems to what you're describing could otherwise be known as a cage? Where? A gilded cage.

Starting point is 00:58:11 A gilded cage! Not my very own. Yes, and I would keep you in here for, let's say, one calendar year. Okay. In order to make sure that you're not going to stab anyone, but that you can see I mean, you know how... And you'll get used to the rhythms of my voice and things that I will ask you and so you are you not used to these rhythms by the way I'm very

Starting point is 00:58:31 used to them I just you keep harping I'm not gonna kill nobody unless they unless they see the unless they unless they that's the sticking point like I wish you would just put a full stop after. Well I wish you would back the fuck up. How does that sound? Oh, oh, oh, please. We won't have that language in the Gilded Gauge. I'm gonna reach for this. Just don't act stupid.

Starting point is 00:58:51 I'm gonna reach for this if you don't. I'm also going to reach for one of the other knives. Do you think I can't reach quicker? I think that my reach, I have very long arms. I'm very fast. Fast like a rabbit. I'm a scamper. Yeah, but you have short little stubby arms and I don't say that to criticize you. I just mean

Starting point is 00:59:08 One moment Let's do this is gentlemen, let's do this gentlemen, I'm just saying that you you have sort of a baby's body You know how a baby has just kind of like a fat little just like, like it looks- Hold me the fuck back, Andrew. Please, Scalp it. You look like a little Pillsbury doughboy that went- I swear to Christ. Scalp it, you're scaring me even more.

Starting point is 00:59:32 I swear to fucking Christ, I'll slit you from balls to gullet if you don't shut your fucking mouth already, okay? All right, okay. Fucking please, man. All right, I've shut up. I just wanted to say that. I don't want to be this way. Okay. Well, all right fucking please man. I've shut up. That's I just wanted to say that I don't want to be this way Okay, well, I say how close are we to a break? Why do you you need a break? No, I just have an idea. Oh you have an idea. Yes

Starting point is 00:59:54 Okay, well, why don't we take one and before we take the break? Yes. How about this? Okay Count of three. Yes, Marquis de Queensbury rules. Okay Everyone reaches for a knife Count of three. Yes. Marquis de Queensberry rules. Okay. Everyone reaches for a knife. One, two, three. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back and boy that was a cliffhanger too. Let's see who's got what. Okay, open your hands and we'll see who's got a knife.

Starting point is 01:00:20 This is a candle. It's an advent candle. Wait, what do you mean by an Advent candle? You know, what are those purple candles that you light during Advent season? No, that's an Advent calendar, dear boys. There's many facets to Advent. Anyway, what are you holding? Oh my gosh, I'm holding a stick. It looks like a divining rod. To find water? Yeah, and it's pointing just sort of northeast.

Starting point is 01:00:45 Oh, it's towards the ocean. Yeah, oh, OK, there we go. Northeast? Towards the ocean? Towards the Atlantic? Yes, exactly. OK, great. Yes.

Starting point is 01:00:52 Ha ha ha ha. Well, you can see the Pacific. Why would you do the Vining Rod? Ha ha ha ha. True as true can be. And bless my buttons. You're damn right. Look at little Forvels He's got all the knives!

Starting point is 01:01:06 He's got three greasy knives. There's even more knives than there were at the table! He's got some garrotte wire. Oh my god. A pungee stick. He's got a candlestick from Cluedo! A couple rottweilers. He's got live dogs!

Starting point is 01:01:22 Oh my goodness. Live muzzled rottweil Island! How are you that quick? I told you not to reach, man. How are you that- I mean, I just assumed from your short little stubby arms that you were- Oh my god, you're fucking kidding me. He's got all the knives and some dogs! I know, but I don't mean to insult you. You've got a death wish, man.

Starting point is 01:01:37 I don't mean to insult you, I'm just calling him like I see them. Uh, well, I hope you won't do anything with those. Well, don't, don't. Just watch your mouth. Do you want to put them back on the table? I'll put them like I see them. Well, I hope you won't do anything with those. Well, don't, don't, just watch your mouth. Do you wanna put them back on the table? I'll put them in this cup holder. All right, here we go. All right.

Starting point is 01:01:51 All right, there they are. All right, guys, so we just have one last thing on the show. And I did have one question, though, for you, Andrew. For me? Yeah, you said I could ask about anything. Anything at all! Yeah, and I just had one really specific question about, I want to get deep with you here. Yes. So, can you tell me what were the colors of Joseph's coat? Oh, of course I can. Okay. Let me see if I remember correctly. It was red and yellow, green, brown, scarlet, black.

Starting point is 01:02:33 I think there was an ochre, peach, ruby, olive, violet, fawn, Fawn. Memories of Lilac. Gold, of course. Chocolate. Mauve. I think there was also a little bit of cream in there. Have I said crimson yet? I think there was crimson. Silver, of course. Something else in the red palette.

Starting point is 01:03:06 Rose. Azure. I think lemon. Russet. Crepe. Did you say crimson? I did say, I believe I said crimson, yes. He said it.

Starting point is 01:03:14 Purple. He said it. Just like, let him do his thing. White, even though it's the absence of color. Pink. Orange. I don't know. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:03:22 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. He said it. Just let him do his thing. Quiet, even though it's the absence of color. Pink? Orange? Red? Yellow? Green?

Starting point is 01:03:33 Brown? Did I say Scarlet, Black and Oka? Yes. You know what it is. I'm seeing them in my mind. Ah. And in my mind, Joseph is turning around. I feel like you forgot. He's doing a spin, a 360. He's showing it off. Yes, my mind Joseph is turning around. I feel like you forgot.

Starting point is 01:03:45 He's doing a spin, a 360. He's showing it off. Yes and so he's being a real dandy. I'm seeing them all over again from the beginning. Yeah I feel you've forgotten a really important one. Did he say crimson? He said crimson. Alright. Oh yeah I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just shut up and let me in. Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. This is most unseemly. Okay, I'm sorry. This kid.

Starting point is 01:04:09 Oh, blue, yes, that's the one that I was talking about. I don't know why I couldn't think of blue. Yeah, maybe the most popular color of all. Look, this kid bugs me. I don't know what he's saying. Scott, stop being such a fucking bitch. Four-ful, ooh, oh, please. Four-ful, why don't you practice your butterfly knifing

Starting point is 01:04:23 for just a little bit? It's not so good, I will tell you. Let the grown-ups talk for a little bit. Just try to stab around your fingers, have you ever done anything like that? Mumbly pig. Yes. Are you really going to adopt this? No, I've never been more terrified in my entire life. You're not acting like it.

Starting point is 01:04:38 I have to say that you're a very good actor. I'm trying to appease this monster. I think you'll be really good on Smash then. Do you think so? Yes, because I mean, I would never have guessed. Is it a bit of a cheat I'm playing myself? I think it's not a stretch necessarily, but sometimes you have to ease into something like that.

Starting point is 01:04:53 Do you know, I loved the player where they're all playing themselves and everyone had a great fun. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot like how Chris Rock had to play a crack addict before he could move on to being head of state. Yes, that's right. You know what I mean? He was wonderful in that film. Underrated. Wonderful. Now, of state. Yes, that's right. You know what I mean? He's wonderful in that film. Underrated. Wonderful.

Starting point is 01:05:05 Scottrick. Yes? I need you to spirit me away from this studio. I don't know that I have the resources to do that. What? What exactly do you mean? You simply must. Radio helicopter pilot and have him throw down a rope ladder.

Starting point is 01:05:18 We don't have one of those. I mean, we just have this sort of... I mean, we just have like kind of a strange hatch that leads into a hidey hole. Like a spider hole. Can I squeeze into this hidey-holing spider hatch? I guess you could, but I mean, the thing is... Okay, goodbye.

Starting point is 01:05:34 Wait, it's hidden. That's the... I'll find it. Okay. Goodbye. I hope not forever. I hope not forever. But goodbye.

Starting point is 01:05:42 Okay. Hey, Forvel. Hey. So, Forvel. Hey. So, uh, how'd that game go? It went good. I was practicing my knife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks good.

Starting point is 01:05:52 Yeah, you didn't stab your, uh... Where did my daddy go? Oh, you didn't see him go away? No. Huh. Yeah, you had your back turned. He must be going to get the room ready, the cage room. Yeah, that sounds good to you, huh?

Starting point is 01:06:05 Yeah, I can't wait. I'm going to be spending a whole year inside that cage. Finally feel loved and be just like a real boy. I say, is he gone? Oh, shit. Scottrick! Give me the all clear. Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:06:19 Found the all clear. Scott, did you try to pull fast one on me? I didn't pull anything. Oh, surely he's gone by now. Oh, hello, Fuffal. Sound the all clear! Scott, did you try to pull fast one on me? I didn't pull anything, I was... Oh, surely he's gone by now! Oh! Oh, hello, Fervo! Hi, Dad!

Starting point is 01:06:30 You were literally gone for 60 seconds. That's not enough time to get rid of anyone. I just thought he would have killed you and gotten bored and wandered off. I hope that's not rude. You were willing to sacrifice me? Not willing to sacrifice you, but willing to turn a blind eye should you be sacrificed. You're not listening to me. No I can't hear sometimes. I hope this is one of those times. That's my one good ear. Seems like even with one ear you'd be able to hear. What?

Starting point is 01:06:55 Never mind. So no I didn't pull a fast one on you I was looking in the same direction as you and this guy just like totally turned around and he tried to Get out of here. This guy is a Lord after Lord Webber by the way. Look I'm not gonna lie. I understand Is that what adults usually do? It's just my favorite and I really wanted to live with you But you know, I got a lot of baggage and stuff though. Father, though it means my most certain death, will you please let me adopt you? Oh I know it! Oh my gosh! This is the greatest day of my life! Please become my murderous son! Or ward! Oh ward! Let's see how it goes. Ward first! Yeah, like a robin type!

Starting point is 01:07:40 Yes, we'll solve some crimes! Yeah! Vigilante justice. Sweet. I got a sweet little outfit on, too, so... Yeah. Wait, now that I see it, yes, it is rather reminiscent of your rags and tatters I just assumed were clothes that were wearing off of you. They're actually a very carefully constructed little Robin costume. Oh, yeah. Wow. Uh, this is amazing.

Starting point is 01:08:00 I've always wanted to visit your place, and you've never invited me. Well, no. Well, surely you didn't expect invited me. Well, no. Surely you didn't expect an invitation. Well, you're on this program so many times. Yes. How many times have I been invited, dear boy? One. Yes. And this is that time?

Starting point is 01:08:15 And now I would like to be invited to your place. Well, why don't you try bursting into my home a few times? Yeah, try it. And then we'll see how it goes. Seems to lead to invitations. Try bursting in and see what happens. Okay. Oh, I like this. So it seems like you have some sort of like little attack dog here at the ready now that

Starting point is 01:08:32 you're going to keep in a cage and you're going to protect your house. Please don't talk that way about my ward, who's also my Vigilante justice partner. I mean, I thought that you and I were cool on this. Look, I'm terrified of him. Why did you say that you were going to adopt him? Look, I'm terrified of him. Why did you just... I'm trying to appease him. Why did you say that you were going to adopt him? I'm trying to appease him.

Starting point is 01:08:48 Are you going to try to ditch him? No, I'm going to try to escape the earliest convenience, don't you understand? You're not actually going to adopt him? I can't know why would I? He's a stabbing little maniac. Well, how do we get rid of this guy? I don't know. I think the only thing to do is to try to out reach him to one of these knives and kill him

Starting point is 01:09:05 All right, the knives are back on the table. Yeah Well, I think the mistake that we made the last time. Yes was that we announced that we were gonna all reach for this Yes, yes, I think you're right. We should get the jump on him. Yes We should reach for these knives before he does so that way we have at least like a half second before he I say should we have a code word? Yeah, yeah, what should the code word be? A knife? Knife grab. Knife grab.

Starting point is 01:09:29 Okay, so if either of us says knife grab, then we're both gonna reach for the- Not a grab knife. This has to be crystal clear. Okay. Knife grab. Knife grab. How can we remember that?

Starting point is 01:09:40 You remember knife. There has to be some mnemonic- Yes, a mnemonic device. Let's see. Let us know that when we grab the knife, we wanna say knife grab. Knife grab, a mnemonic device. Let's see. Let us know that when we grab the knife, we want to say knife grab. Knife grab. The signal is knife grab. How do we remember to grab the knives when we hear the term knife grab?

Starting point is 01:09:51 Well, K stands for kid. Yes, he's a kid. Yes. N stands for naughty. He's a naughty kid. Yes, he is. Kid, naughty. I stands for I.

Starting point is 01:10:01 I'm going to grab a knife. Yes, I am the person. F stands for friend. He's not our friend. Friend. Okay. And E stands for education, which is'm going to grab a knife. Yes, I am the person. F stands for friend, he's not our friend. Friend. Okay, and E stands for education, which is every child should have an education. Yes. So that'll be easy to remember.

Starting point is 01:10:10 Also, every good boy deserves fun. That's true. Okay. So that's that. G. Yes, G. Go ahead. I did knife, you can do.

Starting point is 01:10:19 Of course. Fast for help. G stands for ganzugs. I'm terrified of this little child who's going to stab me with a knife. I must wrest the knife away from his control and therefore gain the upper hand. Okay, fantastic. So remember that. All right.

Starting point is 01:10:33 R stands for really, don't you think it's time you grab the knife? Okay, good. A, we're up to A. A stands for a shame it would be worth this little boy to grab the knife first and stab us. It's okay. And then of course that leads us to the last letter, B. B, boy. Boy. Okay.

Starting point is 01:10:55 So we have it for kid. Let's review. Kid. K. Kid. Kid. N, naughty. He's a naughty kid.

Starting point is 01:11:03 I, I want to grab this knife. F, friend. He's not a friend. He's not a friend. That's how I remember he's not a friend. E, I want to grab this knife. F, friend, he's not a friend. That's how I remember he's not a friend. E, every good boy deserves fudge and education. That's right. Dual meaning, okay. G, gazooks. Gazooks.

Starting point is 01:11:13 This little boy's gonna stab me. This little boy's gonna stab me. I have to grab this knife. I have to grab this knife. Before he does. Before he does and stabs me. Knife grab! Whoa!

Starting point is 01:11:21 Oh no! Oh no! He was listening! He has one good ear! I didn't even notice! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! He was listening! He has one good ear! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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