Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: You Know John Leguizamo (Jerrod Carmichael, Joe Wengert, Neil Campbell)

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

On this Bonus Bang, Jerrod Carmichael, star of NBC’s “The Carmichael Show” returns! Jerrod and Scott catch up as they chat about “Neighbors 2,” the real conversations that “The Carmichael Show” tackles, and Jerrod’s impressive sense of direction. Then, entrepreneur Angel Coliciwo stops by to tell us all about his new Hollywood Celebrity Tour that eliminates the part of the tour that everyone hates. Later, we hear some of the many fictional languages of which professor of linguistics Pam Steensma has created. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re-releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. Now, this week's bonus bang is the latest in a wonderful series we're in the middle of called Mind Your Own Business, where we are featuring the entrepreneurs and small business owners that have come on the show over the years to launch their products and services. Now, this episode is called, You Know John Leguizamo. And yes, our first guest is Gerard Carmichael. We talk about the Carmichael show, which was coming out around this time, and Gerard's impressive sense of direction.

And then we have Joe Wengert as Angel Colicruo, I believe I'm pronouncing incorrectly, perhaps. The famous relish-producing entrepreneur. And finally, Neil Campbell plays Professor of Linguistics Pam Steensma. Now, this was originally released 10 years ago on March 28th, 2016 as episode 410. And, hey, we're on the road right now on the last leg of our 2020. No, not in the last leg. Um, one of the legs of our 2026 ground beefing tour.

We're in San Antonio the day this episode comes out, September 10th. And then Austin tomorrow on September 11th. We have a big homecoming L.A. show, September 19th. And our rescheduled show for Boston will be in Medford on October. 7th. Then we're bookending that show with a couple of shows in New York, hunting to New York on October 6th and Troy, New York on October 8th. Come on out, have some fun. You can get all the tickets at CBBworld.com slash tour. Now, if you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as shows like CBB Presents, Scott hasn't seen the neighborhood

listening in Collegetown, become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the CBB Archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, more original shows. Plus, we're releasing all of the live episodes we're doing the very next day for our Maximus subscribers. Follow us along on the road. We're going to be back Monday with the new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. You can't spell subtext without Butsex. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. That's true, in a way, I guess. Although, yeah, it is. I guess it's an anagram for But sex? Never realized that.

Hey, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thanks for that catchphrase to thereafter Me Lucky Dicks. Dicks and Butsex? Like one in your name and one in your catchphrase? I don't know. One or the other, I think. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another wonderful episode. My name is Scott Ackerman.

I am your host, of course. And we have a great episode today. A wide swath of people, I have to say. People from all across America, I would say, They may have taken part in Hands Across America back in the 80s. I wonder if they did. I'm going to ask every single person if they took part in Hands Across America. So we'll see.

I mean, wouldn't that be interesting if all three of them had been joined at the hands in Hands Across America in one location? That would be. What a coincidence. Hands Across America is, of course, a reference only I know about. From what I understood, Hands Across America was a failed experiment where they were trying to literally have people holding hands from California all the way over to, I guess, Maine,

from the tip of Baja to the tip of Maine. And there were large stretches where no one was holding hands. Let's get, speaking of holding hands, I've been holding hands with him this entire time during the intro. He's been on the show a couple of times, most famously maybe the first

new no-noes episode with Paul Rust. I mean, that was like moonwalking. Yeah, it was Motown 25. It was like Motown 25 episodes. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy to be there to witness it. Yeah.

I was there. I saw the socks. And now everyone's doing it. Everybody's kids on the street corner. And he was on with that, the death tours guy. And he hasn't been on a little bit, but that's mainly because his career since then is blown up. And he didn't want to do it. A combination of those two factors.

What? Mainly the latter. He didn't want to do it. Gerard Carmichael is here. Hello, Gerard. Of course I wanted to do. I've had some of the happiest times of my life here. The two happiest times of your life.

Well, three. Wait, who had just gone to prom? What was her name? Who had just gone to prom? She was, oh, God. High school student. High school student. Maybe it was Tracy Reardon or someone like that.

I can't recall. Anyway, I don't know. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Yeah, right now there's like one listener screaming at their... Yeah, yeah, it's just like, obviously. Come on, you know Gerard was on. I don't know why it sounds like that.

Excuse me. What's your demo? It's only 85-year-old men. Oh, okay. I'm listening to a podcast. Hello, out there. You know how 85-year-old men narrate everything that they do? I'm listening to a bad guy.

I'm sitting in a chair. That's a good, that's a good, that's a great impressive. Thank you so much. Yeah. Gerad, welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. It's been great to see you.

I mean, obviously, you know, I've known you from stand-of-comedy. You used to do the comedy death rate shows back in the day. Oh, how I miss it. And then you did this show. You did the Comedy Bang Bang TV show. And then... I feel very close to you guys. Well, you're...

I don't know what it is about you because I got to know you from... I saw your stand. stand up, or maybe I was just, you were recommended to me, and I just put you on the show. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah, and you, I got an email and I've never been more excited. I was like, I was like, you are the king of hyperbole. I've never been more excited. I will go on record and saying that the email I received from Scott, that was nothing in the body of the email, all subject line, want to do death rate question mark. That was it. And then I responded, Yes, and I responded like in this lengthy paragraph talking about like how excited.

And he just responded back with a date. But I was like, yes. Come on. It had to be more than that. You're very nice. But then we got to know each other on the show. And I was just like, you know what? This dude is hilarious.

But also one thing you don't see a lot in comedy because being hilarious in comedy sometimes goes hand in hand with braggadocio and hubris is your nice fellow. Oh, thank you. And I got to know you and I enjoyed you. even though I haven't seen you in a nigh upon 365 days or so. It's been a while. It's been a minute. It's been great to see you and, of course, neighbors.

Has it been? No, it's been. We've seen, I feel like I haven't seen you since before neighbors. It's been a while. I wish I'd come soon at this place. It's awesome. You guys are just a new fancy building?

New fancy building. And please don't give out the address. I will not. And thank you. And, no, but, you know, neighbors. Are you in Neighbors, too, by the way? And they was two back in the habit. Back in the habit.

I'm like, so you guys all dress up like nuns? Spoiler alert. There's a singing competition. Oh, boy. And the girls are just, no, I'm there for a little while.

Like me and Hannibal, I'm, I'm an officer in this one. Wait, so you've graduated and you become a police officer in this one? There's college, and now I'm a police officer,

Hannibal and I are just abusing our power. Hannibal, who basically was like laughing at how stoned you were in the first one. Yeah, now has now decided to partner up with you. Yeah, it's taking me as his partner. That's fine. Now I definitely want to see it.

Oh, you're going to love it. I was 99% in before and now I'm not going to be a hundred. Now you are full 100? Full 100, yeah. Let's hope rotten tomatoes agrees. Oh, man. What if it was just 100% on rotten tomatoes? That would blow everybody's mind.

Have you seen it yet? Have you seen like a screening or anything like that? I haven't seen it. Yeah. I'm excited to see it. But you've also, you've also had the Carmichael show, which, uh, on NBC, which now you've done 26 episodes, or you're going to have done 26 episodes or somewhere?

Like 20, 20, went all together. We had a short first season. It was six episodes. Okay, so you'll have done like 19 or something like that. Yeah, 19, exactly. That's how math works. Oh, yeah, this plus this equals this thing. So now this is like the second season.

Yeah. I'm calling it first season reloaded. Yeah, I like that. legal purposes is the second season. Well, also for your pay. If my lawyer calls, yeah. My lawyer calls is the second season. It's on NBC and it's on Sunday night.

9 o'clock. 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock Central. Ooh, I like that. For all you central folks out. Yeah. And Mountain Time, you're on your own. Mountain Time, just figure it out.

Just figure it out. That's what it says on every time it's like 9 o'clock, 8 o'clock central. Mountain time. Why are we catering to these central time assholes? Do you have direct TV? You can watch it at 6. Yeah. Why are we catering to the central time people? You know what I mean? Why do we make this special thing? They have math too. They know how to figure out. What is it like watching TV central? Like a lot of things coming on at seven? I'd imagine like 10 years ago before, you know, you had to get to your house at 7. 7.m.

7 to watch. That's correct. You had to watch the fresh principal bell air at 7. Yeah. WWF raw came on at 8. It doesn't make any sense. What is that even mean? Yeah. I can't watch. It's not like people in the Central Times zone In a live match at 8 p.m.? That's children are away. It's not like they're farmers where they need to get to bed earlier or something.

It's like people in the Midwest. What is up with that Central? I don't know. I don't get it. And they can figure it out. Why do we have to say like, you know, it's 9 p.m. 8 Central. Hey, relax.

Hi, guys. Hi, everyone in the Central Timesone. Just relax. They know when it's on. They're very special. But Carmichael show has been great. We watch it around the old homestead. Do you really?

We do, yes. Thank you. And it's been great to see. It's interesting because, like, you're one of those. I know you must talk about this in interviews a lot. Maybe you don't want to talk about it here. Who gives a shit? I want you to talk about it.

I talk about anything. But you're want to... This is where I feel open. Really? Yeah. Okay. I'm ready to forgive my father on this. Okay.

Do it, please. But you, you're a situational comedy that actually talks about, like, actual things. You know? Yeah. You're not situations of like, oh, no, it's, you know, everyone thinks that I'm sleeping with two women and, you know, it's not like Threys Company where it's comedy of errors. You know, you're actually like talking about interesting things on the show. If you think I'm not going to start using comedy of errors as a reference point in every interview I give from now on, thank you very much. The immortal bard.

But that's a perfect way. It is, yeah, we like to have like real conversations because we've seen so much of that when you watch sitcoms and we've all seen. the version of just, uh-oh, this happened at the same time as this. Well, how are they going to get out of this? And it's all about like, everyone wants to make peace. How are we going to get back to a place of peace? Thank goodness we're all friends at the end because America can't handle otherwise. But I just wanted to have adult conversations.

Right. It's a lot like, you know, those classic sitcoms like, and everyone mentions Archie Bunker or whatever, but like everybody loves Raymond or, you know, like shows where. Cheers. It Loves Raymond, Seinfeld, like all these shows that had these real conversations. There's a good chunk sometimes of your episodes. That is just like one complete 15 minute long, the whole family sitting around talking about one thing. You know, which is great.

Yeah, and that's, and we're in a room and it's contained and we try and make it as much like, you know, just this, you know, powder keg that could ignite it any second. And it's fun. It's really fun to have those conversations. And I think people, it's funny because people, people, get afraid that it's, well, we're here too long, we're in this room too long, but I think people have, if you're talking about something interesting, people have the attention span. Well, also, you know, I mean, like, people kind of knock multi-can sitcoms, but it is the perfect kind of thing to watch when you get home, and, you know, you're talking about, like, getting home

and turning on the fresh prints. It's like, you know, not everything has to be rapid fire, like jokes, like 30 Rock style, single camera where you have to really pay attention to, you know, for comedy people. It's like I really have to pay attention to the show. Yeah. And it obviously serves this great purpose, but for us, we're like, it reflects my stand-up. It reflects. It's a different pace, and we like to take out time and let things breathe and make really strong points and argue.

And, yeah, I think people kind of lean in, and it's a different vibe. What do you have planned for the show coming up? I mean, you have a bunch of episodes still to air. Like, what are people going to see? What, I mean, other than, you know, we all laugh. We all have a good time. We explored depression. Depression?

Good. Last week it was the, you're like, we're all laughing, have a good time. And then we talked about depression last week, and we're gentrification. You know, a lot of all the zany topics. Islamophobia. Is it stuff that you, is it stuff where you, is it stuff where you, as a stand-up, you're like, you know what? I want to talk about, I find these aspects of gentrification interesting. And it's done exactly just like you would, in your stand-up where it's like examining an issue from all sides.

Exactly. That's exactly what it is. And with the show, it's this benefit of hearing the complete argument. With my stand-up, it's me saying a point. I'm picking a point, but a lot of times it comes from an argument in my head. And with the show, I'm able to complete that argument. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

How is it working with Dag? I mean, he's amazing. Great actor. Yeah, he's great. He's fantastic. He's an amazing actor. And you see in these moments, it's just like, oh, yeah, this is like a Tony Award-nominated Yale drama school. And he won't let you forget it either.

He will not let you forget it. And rightfully so, because he crushes it. And sometimes, like, you know, I'll write. And he has a lot of, like, jokes from my stand-up in the show. And sometimes he just nails it. Yeah. I just sit there jealous. Like, how's he kneel?

He's just nailing him. Yeah. Nice, nice dude. He played our boss on Bang Bang for a season. Did he wait? That's amazing. So he did a lot of episodes. He's amazing.

Yeah, nice guy to hang out with. He will not let you forget it. He makes announcements like to the crowd sometimes. He's just like, you know, when I was at Yale Drama School. Yeah, we know. Did he talk about the Cowardly Lion thing? Did you ever catch up? Oh, we talk about the whiz.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you have a good time doing that? Yeah, yeah, I had fun. He had a lot of fun just being in New York. He loved New York and being there, and it was a great performance. Who plays your mother on it? Loretta Devine.

She's great. Loretta Devine. She's great on it. Yeah, I love it. She also sells jokes so well. Oh, she's, yeah, and just has just this demeanor and this voice. Just a cadence that's funny. Amazing cadence.

Everything she says is funny. Everything she says, yeah. Yeah, is I wish I had that cadence. You have a great, what are you talking about, cadence? But I kind of want to talk like her. You can I mean I don't know

I don't know how your listeners Are gonna take that If you spend the rest of the time Well it's a great show It's Sundays at 9 8 Central 8 Central Do not forget to plug Central It's a great show

Are you picked up yet for the third season I mean Thank you for dreaming Big for us not yet I think it's great You're making a splash People are talking about you You're doing the good work

You know like what else is NBC going to do I don't know, do like the voice Australia or something. Yeah, they'll figure it out. Yeah, they just started doing voice episodes from around the globe. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure Dick Wolf has another Chicago show of his sleeve. It's just like, you know. Dick Wolf.

Yeah, Chicago, you know, Pyrametics or Chicago. Chicago Pyramids. Chicago Pyramids or Chicago. Yeah. They got another Chicago show. What other job could he talk about? You know, like Chicago IT guys. Yeah, yeah.

Chicago IT, Chicago, Paralegal. What if he just started doing like Chicago now, like Chicago SVU? You know what I mean? You know, he just started repeating his old shows, but in Chicago now. But it's about all the cops that move from New York. Yeah, and they all move there. Yeah, and they all live in an apartment together. They all live in an apartment together.

Oh, that's a good show. All the other law notice, they live in an apartment. Ice tea's there and the other people. Ice tea and the other people. I like how you view SVU. Ice tea and the other people. Ice tea and all the, the, Then angry guy.

What about Belzer? Not so angry guy. And then Belzer. There you go. And then Norm. Dick Wolf, though. What a name. Dick Wolf.

I mean, come on. You know what I mean? And he's been, you have to make a billion dollars. Yeah, to just to justify Dick Wolf. If you're going to be Dick Wolf, you've got to be a billionaire. Yeah. All right. Let's take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have a couple of really interesting guests here. Boy, I'm really looking forward to this. This is going to be an amazing show. We'll be right back with more Gerard Carmich. right back with more comedy bang bang bang we're back here with gerard car michael of car michael show and uh was there ever any discussion calling it something other than your name nah the fresh prince of this show no i i did it on purpose because it's not for like vanity's sake but i want vanity rip vanity i know i'm so sad yeah yeah you ever see the last dragon

come on come on did i grow up in a disenfranchised neighborhood Is that what you're asking me? Of course I saw the best. What about that song she sings in Last Dragon? It's crazy. She's beautiful in it. She's beautiful in it. But the song she sings is nuts.

Are you talking to me right now? Or are you doing lines from the movie? Okay, because my name's Scott. Leroy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Girard, you're mistaken. No, no, no, no, no. Leroy, thanks for having me.

No, no, it's Scott. Leroy, I really appreciate it. All right, we have to get to our next cast. This is interesting. He's an entrepreneur. We have a lot of entrepreneurs on the show. Am I? Are you an entrepreneur?

Yes. Yeah, you are. I mean... Oh, all right. I didn't even realize. Well, you have a business. Is that right? Oh, yeah.

I definitely have a business that I'm excited to tell you about. Oh, okay. Can I introduce you before you tell me about it? Yeah. Oh, is it too late? No, it's not too late. I can do it right now. Is that okay?

We've barely begun. Yeah, get it out there. Get my name out there. That's only going to help with my... Yeah, that's step one. With your business, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Angel Calicio is here. That's me. Yeah. Oh, Angel. Oh, Angel. Hey, and guess what?

It turns out I'm an entrepreneur. Yes, you are. Yeah. Okay. I guess we all are in a way. I mean, you know, Gerard, you have your show. Would you consider yourself to be an entrepreneur? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, you started something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I get that. I'll accept that. Okay, great. I think we're in the same boat because I'm accepting it, but it was news to me.

It was news to you. Yeah. Scott, thank you. All right. All right. Two entrepreneurs right here. You got a lot of confidence. I think you're making us both.

feel great today. So thank you, Scott Ackerman, for that. It's what a host does. Leroy. No, no, no, no, Scott. Scott, he mentioned, he knows my name better than you. Wait a minute. No, I'm, I was on, I was on shaky ground with it when I came in. Your name is Scott Ruffman. It is. It's not Leroy. Your name is Gerard Carmichael. Yes, sometimes Scott is referred to as Leroy. Angel, tell us about yours. Angel, that's such an interesting name. I mean, where did you get that name, Angel? My mother and father thought I was an angel from heaven when I was born. Wow.

I mean, usually it's... I'm not. Just so it's clear to everybody. Okay. You are not in the outfield. You're not... I'm not... No.

I'm not up in the sky and a diaper with wings. Do angels have diapers? I think is that a Cupid exclusive? Yeah. I think he's the one angel with a diaper. Adult angels also have diapers. I think it's mostly Cupid. Exclusive.

What could be better in heaven than... just not having to worry about running to the bathroom. Well, I do think that if angels were to poop, it would fall through the clouds and onto our head. So I'm sort of glad that they do have that. That's why they have those diapers on. Yeah. I don't know, though.

I thought they had rose. Once again, I think it's just Cupid. I think it just lets you know how immature love is. Right. We started out as friends, and now I find you to be an adversary because you disagree with me. No, you have to, it's like, we have to disagree. That's how we grow.

All right, I'm back to liking you again. Yay, angel. You're not an angel. I'm a human man. You can't grant wishes. No. Like that angel didn't, it's a wonderful life. No.

No, okay. Or they're not mutually exclusive. You may be able to grant wishes even though you're not an angel, so I shouldn't assume that. I'm not, my name's not genie colloquio. Well, sometimes... That's my wife's name. That, genie, really? Is it spelled the same way?

Yeah. Or is it J-E-A-N-N-N-E? No, G-E-N-I-E. Really? Yep. Is she able to grant wishes? Is that a nickname or that's a... Nope.

I think her... I don't think this. I know it as a fan. You've talked to her. Yes, because we've been married for years. Sure. And I know her parents. And they wanted to name her Jeannie G-J.

E-A-N-I-E. And there was a clerical error. Really? A clerk made an error on this and thought that it was Jeannie. You have to live with it for the rest of your life. Wow. Okay. But she can't.

We've not gotten to the bottom of this. She can or can't grant wishes. She makes my wish come true every day to have a happy life. And no war? What's that? And a big pile of money? Oh, see, I have parameters in terms of what she can get, you know. Oh, okay.

So do you make this wish every single day? Do you say, Jeannie? I say it before I go to sleep. Jeannie, good night, please, tomorrow. Let me continue to have a happy life for you also for me and for our kids. How many kids do you have? Three kids. Three kids, really.

What ages? Okay, they're four. They're eight and they're 12. I spaced them out. Really? Just four years in between each one. Four years? When it's been three years, it's time to make another kid.

And how old of a man are you? I'm 36 years old. 36. So, wow, when you were 24, you were just like, let's get to it. How long have you and Jeannie been married? We've been married for 14 years. 14 years. So there was one year of meds.

Medid bliss. Two years for us. Redid bliss. Wedded bliss. What's Medid bliss? Medid bliss. Mediterranean bliss. So did you live in the Mediterranean for that first year of marriage?

We lived in a Mediterranean-style estate in Beverly Hills. That's what I'm thinking of then. Mm-hmm. Wait, in Beverly Hills? Yep. You're a very successful entrepreneur. Well, I guess I am. Usually by the time you make it to Beverly Hills, you're aware of how well your business is doing.

You seem surprised. Is Jeannie well? or were you well off before you started the business or is just the business doing well? I would say it's a combination of both. My business is three things. What was the third thing? Is Jeannie well off? Yes, true.

Were you well off before you started the business? That's also true. The business is new. Okay, so two things were true. You both come from rich well-off families. Jeannie's family invented French's mustard. French's mustard. So is her name Jeannie French?

Yeah, that's right. Not anymore. Now it's genie Caliquio. Calicchio. Does she do the hyphen? Is it genie French Calicoeo? No, she was happy to take my name in full. Wow, so she's the heiress to the French mustard fortune and she dropped it. Teresa Heinz does. My parents. What?

Teresa Heinz. Teresa Heinz does Teresa Heinz carry, right? Right. Who's she married to? She was almost the first lady. John Kerry. Oh, right. I was thinking Harry Carey for some reason. No, K-E-R-R-Y. Oh, okay, great.

A lot of spelling so far. A lot, I love it. So is there a lot of mustard around your house? Oh, only as much mustard as there is relish. My family is the people from the Douglas Relish Company. Oh, wait. So, Doug, I always thought that was a last name, but was it your grandfather's first name? Yep.

Douglas Caligio? That's right. Wow. Interesting. So two, I guess you would say Star Cross lovers, almost a Romeo and Juliet kind of situation from two families that should be at war. It's an arranged marriage. It is. Yes, because people in the condiment industry like their children to be married to other people in the condiment industry. Really? As to make both of your family stronger? Yeah. Wow. And you understand the culture of the condiment world. Have you ever thought about making a condiment that's half mustard, half relish? No.

No. Like us meat together on like a hot dog. Yeah, you haven't thought about that. Will you put them together on the hot dog at the same time? Wait a minute. You don't know that people put mustard and relish on hot dogs at the same time? You married literally empires and you didn't. Yuck.

We marry a lot of bottles of mustard. Why do you have to marry your bottles of mustard? It just makes sense. Can I ask a... Why do you have so many bottles around that you have to marry them? Because it's a reminder of what got us our beautiful Mediterranean style. All right. I just want to.

You mentioned the condiment culture. I'm very curious. Is there like, do you guys hang out? Yeah, what comprises the culture? Figuring it out, okay, people like to put condiments on hamburgers. Hot dogs, great. Could we get them to do it on a croissant? Could we get them to do it on breakfast meats?

And, you know, just always. Breakfast meat's not that bad. But a croissant. I'm not really sure about. And it's interesting that you've talked about putting condiments on croissants, and yet you did not know that people put mustard and relish on hot dogs. I knew that people put mustard on hot dogs. I knew that people put relish on hot dogs, but at the same time, yuck. Yuck.

So you've never done it. Okay. So what do you put on your hot dog? Mustard. You put mustard. And what does your wife put on her hot dog? Relish. Okay.

Is that what made you, was that before you got married? Always, because growing up so much relish in my house, you know. So you guys were perfect for each other? I believe so. She makes me, she grants my wish every day. Wow, that is amazing. What a great life you must have. You're both rich already.

You combine and you have a wonderful Mediterranean estate in Beverly Hills. That's right. And now you have a- 27-car garage. 27, and how many cars do you fit in it? Oh, we only have the three. And what are the three? Can I ask?

Three, I drive a Toyota Yaris. Okay. And my wife, she drives a Toyota Corolla. Okay. And then we have a truck. Oh, a truck. A truck? Like a semi? Oh, a Tacoma.

Oh, okay. When we want to go drive around in the mud. A lot of Toyota loyalty. Loyalty and Toyota, that's almost an anagram. You know what I mean? Oh, wow. Well, Toyota doesn't have an L. It doesn't have the, the L is the one thing, I think.

But loyalty, almost. You know? Can I ask what do you do with the other 24 spaces? Yeah. We let our kids play around in there. Oh, build forts and the like? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's always great to, great fun playing around in a garage.

Hopscots. Hopscotch in a garage. Yeah. That's where you want to play it. Well, yeah. It's shady. You don't have to worry about bugs. Is it one big garage that you can fit 27 cars in, or is it a lot of garages that are connected?

It's one big garage. With one door? Yep. Who built it? I mean, just the idea. And they're all lined up. So if we get 27 cars and we want to drive them all out at once, brum, brum, here we go, all at once. The idea of not 30.

The idea of just saying that someone would own not 30. It's a zoning thing. Okay. And how often does it happen that vroom, room, here we go, all at once? All three cars? Yeah. Never now because none of my kids can legally drive yet. Right.

So just two at a time? But that's a dream that I have for the future. Is that one of your kids will learn how to drive? at least one. Come on. You got four years. Please give me at least one. Or three before the learners permit comes out here in California.

Well, I guess we don't have time to talk about your business. Oh, no. We should get to it. What's your new business? My business is a Hollywood celebrity tour here in Hollywood, but without the part of the Hollywood tour that everybody hates the most. Without the part of the Hollywood tour there? I'm surprised this is not a condiment. style business.

I want to separate myself from my father and his accomplishment. So you'd be my own man. You never were in the condiment game. No, I was in the condomit game for the past couple years. You were. What were you doing there? I was doing cold mayo. Cold mayo.

Well, isn't all mayo cold if you refrigerated? Not as cold as my mayo. Frozen mayo chunks. Frozen mayo chunks. What do you do with that? Little globs and cubes and you put it on your sandwich and then it gives a little crunch to the sandwich. What about in drinks? Like ice cubes almost. Yeah, I mean, you can do whatever you want to do. I'm not going to tell

people what to do with their life. That makes sense, actually, though, because you, if I'm packing a lunch and then you could put mayo. Yeah. If you don't refrigerate the sandwich, then it keeps the sandwich cold. It keeps the sandwich cold and the mayo, I guess, fresh or whatever. Yeah. Until lunch when the mayo, am I, is that correct? Yeah, maybe Gerard could be your spokesperson. I would love that. Well, you're not working there anymore, though? You left the game. No, I'm keeping it going on the side. Oh, this is a side project for you, this Mayo business. My new business is a way to separate myself from the impending and looming shadow of my father in the relish business.

And also my father-in-law in the mustard business. Right, right, right. Okay, so you've said that you are doing a tour of Hollywood, taking out the part that everyone hates. The bus. The bus. Nobody wants to cram on a bus with everybody else. So I eliminate the bus factor. And instead I give everybody the place to meet up, which is the celebrity's house.

Oh, okay. And everyone carpools there or they drive separately? I don't care how you get there. Okay. I give you the address. Can you say what celebrity? Oh, of course. It's the main thing I'm advertising in my thing.

Okay. A couple of weeks ago, I was walking down the street. and who do I see coming to me towards me? I'm walking one direction. He's coming to you towards you? He's going to. You don't have to explain this. I understand.

No, no, no. I want to make sure this is clear. I'm heading one directed down the street. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I see a celebrity. He's not walking parallel to me. He's walking towards me. Perpendicular to you?

No, we're going for a head-on collision. If one of us is not paying attention, we could very easily collide into each other. Right. And how fast are you walking each of you? Oh, God, I do a good walk. I do a good clip. Yeah. I walk at a good clip.

Yeah. This guy is a celebrity. He's smelling the roses. He's taking his time. Sure. He's got more of a stroll. Okay. I wouldn't say a strut because he's not showing off.

No, no. He's taking his time. Okay. Who is it? I don't, oh, are you asking us? John Liguizamo. John Liguizamo. John Liguizamo.

Okay. You know John Liguizamo? Of the, what is his show called Freak or? Sure. Among over. 75 films. John Leguizamo. Mulan Rouge. Mm-hmm.

No, I don't think he was in Mulan Rouge. Yes, he is. He plays the White Man Can't Jump. White Man Can't Jump. He's in Mulan Rouge. He plays the little person in Mulan Rouge. Why do I say White Man Can't Jump? Toulouse L'Trek. And that's true?

That is true, yes. I'm blinking on all of the John Logo Zamo. Money Train? Is he in that? No. That's Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson. Uh-huh. Okay. I say just the first thing that he's in all the ice ages all the ice ages all the ice age well great this this is probably his most popular role i see john lequizamo okay i follow him for a little bit so you have to do a u-turn

oh now i don't know what direction i'm going okay well you're going the same direction as him i think i'm going the direction from which i had just came directly opposite and then at a certain point twists and turns that i didn't even do it didn't go back to where you started your house no because then i would have already known john leuizamo lives in my beautiful man Mediterranean-style estate. And that would have been a surprise to you? Oh, yeah. What do you do?

Living in a secret, is there a secret passageway through a clock like in Webster? And I didn't know about it this whole time. And John Lig was almost in my house. Boy, wow, that would have been shocked. No, he's in his own house. He's in his own house. I follow him there. That's where I have people meet me for the tour.

Okay. And do you, okay, I get it. Do you advertise his address or is that a secret that you keep until? You'll pay me for the tour. Okay. Then I email you the address. Okay. Then we all meet up. We don't have to deal with a bus. We wait outside. We're outside at John Liguizamo's house. And what's different from this tour is we wait until he comes out. So you get to see him.

You actually get to, and how long does it take a John Ligizamo to exit his house? I have not seen him come out yet. Okay. So after eight hours, that's a good honest day's work. I call it a day and I say I'm sorry. And everybody leaves and we didn't see him today. Do you refund? But while we're waiting for him, I go, he's in there. What could he be doing? And, you know, we talk about maybe he's coming down to, for his day, and his kids are down there. And they're having breakfast and he's going, what are you learning about in school now? And they go, we're learning a bill of rights. He goes, oh, I hated learning Constitution, Bill of Rights.

Oh, none of that stuff. And they go, well, that Bill of Rights is part of Constitution. Daddy. he goes, oh, I was a bad student in school, you know? These are the types of conversations. That's what's happening inside the house. So you're just standing outside of John Lugosombo's house with a group of strangers and vamping. Bring a blanket or a chair. And you're vamping for eight hours. It's got to be an or.

It can't be an and or. It depends on how busy it is. If it's a big crew of people there, I wouldn't say bring both because you want to have room. people usually per tour. I've had one to four people per tour so far. When you say one to four, how many are we talking? Two. Two. And have you, how many tours have you done? It's always been two. It's always how many tours of you? Two. So two tours of two. Yes, that's right. Okay. And how did they, how do you advertise? How did they get to, to, it's word of mouth? So, and it started with you and then passed on. It's word of mouth and now this radio show. Okay. Great. So how did the four people here

about this. From you? Yeah. From you. Uh-huh. Okay. So word of mouth, or were they friends of yours? Yeah.

People I know. People you know. From where? From the hot mayo factory? From, uh, yeah. Oh, cold mail. Cold mail. Sorry.

I'm friends with the guys at the hot mayo factory. You are. There's a hot mayo factory. Yeah. Those guys are doing worse than the mayo cubes. Oh, I bet. So. You know John Leguizamo.

I mean, I know of his work. John Leguizamo? Yeah, I know. I mean, we were hard pressed to think of what he's been in. Carlito's Way. Carlito's Way. It bees that way sometime, Carlito. Yeah.

That's what I was trying to think of. I believe he's introducing John Leguizamo. We've got the coveted introducing credit. Oh, that's a solid. I like that credit. See, because inside of his house, he's, you know, he's in there. It's October. No, we get it.

He's in there. Look, it's this. It's sort of like it's October 30th. And one of his son's, he's, comes down, he goes, I didn't. I told you to get me, you told me to get my Halloween costume idea early, and I didn't, you know, and I waited until the last moment, but I know what I want to be now. And John Leguizamo goes, what do you want to be following?

He goes, I want to be a worm. And a couple of years before this, John Leguizamo thought he was going to want to do camping, and he bought a lot of camping gear, but they're never going camping. So he's got all this camping stuff, and he goes, you know what? I got a sleeping bag. and he cuts a couple of holes in the sleeping bag and a couple of eyes, and he puts it on his kid. He goes, now you're a worm for Halloween.

That's what's happening in his house. Can I ask you, Angel? Okay. Yeah. What was your child for Halloween this year? Okay. Okay, he was a snake. He was a snake.

He was a brown snake. He was a brown snake. Okay. Yeah, these seem like conversations that you're having with your family more so than they are that John LeguZamo would have. I didn't say for sure that that's what's happening in John Ligua Zamo's house. Right. I'm saying it's something that could happen.

That might happen. Legally, you can't, can you, what are the, can you, first of all, are you allowed to just stand on a public sidewalk? Well, you just said it right there, public sidewalk. Yeah. You know, but congregating. But congregating and, you know, with a couple people outside of this home. Loitering.

Loitering. Yeah. Yeah. There's all sorts of words that cops give us in order to make what. Whatever we do illegal. Are you allowed for eight hours outside of a man's home? You are not allowed. If it is John Likizamo's house, we are going to get into some trouble if he's not happy about it,

because I didn't get his permission first. Okay. But that's if and only if it is him. Because here's the thing. When I ran into him, it may not have been John Likwazamo. So why did you think it was John Likwazamo? Oh, I would say I'm 80% sure this, hey, this is John Leguizamo coming right for me. Okay.

So from his looks. You know John Liguizamo? You know John Liguizamo? He was in the Leonardo DiCaprio, Romeo, and Juliet. Yeah, oh, that's one. That's one. Yeah, we mentioned Romeo and Julian earlier. You know.

No, of course. Would you be excited to see him come out of his own house? Very. If it happened by circumstance. That's a possibility. What's his house like? it's shaped like a bank and

you know and he's got the money to do that does it have a sign that says like Bank of America or Wells because he doesn't want people hanging around his house he's gone as far as to put a little vestibule in the front of his house

with a couple of ATM machines that work how many people go in and out John Leguizamo's house while you're on the tour that aren't John Leguizamo when you've got

agents and managers and producers and writers and fans like John Leguizamo, people come in and out all day. Sure. But not Leguizamo himself. Not yet. Okay. So the first time that you saw John Logizamo and followed him to his... Probably saw John Logozoam. Sorry, sorry. And followed him to his house. Did you stick around for a while to see if he ever came out of it? I stuck around for a good eight hours because I feel like that. You do that. You put it in the work. That's a good day. Okay. Could you have missed him coming out? Or, you know, yeah, of course. Did you take any bathroom breaks or?

No. No. No. What did you do if you had to go to the restroom? I didn't have to. You just didn't have to. You're not the type who needs to go to the restroom every few hours. I'm the sort of guy where my bowels are a real hobgoblin to me at night.

I don't go at all during the day, but when I lay down to sleep, then I sleep for an hour and then your body's going. Why don't you try to go to the restroom before you lay down? down to go to sleep. Oh, I try. Also, that sounds like a horrible existence. It's not been easy. Well, if I could ask my wife for any sort of wish, that would be one thing I would ask it to wait. Ask her. Maybe at night before you go to bed instead of, hey, you make a happy life. Maybe as a little amendment to your wish, you could ask for bowels that you could could actually like work before, you know, you lay down to do this tonight. Okay, good. Good. Good. God, it would be great to sleep through the night.

Yeah. Is it all the mustard you're eating? Mm-hmm. Might be. Maybe cut back on the mustard? Okay. Oh, really? So you're going to do that?

Done and done. Okay, all right. Wow, you're so agreeable to this. Wow. Okay, well, look, Angel, good luck with your business here. Can you stick around? We need to take a break, but can you stick around? I would stay, I would be willing to put in another seven hours.

Okay, we're not going to do seven hours, but, okay. You have a lot of commitment. We'll be right back with more Company Bang Bang. Comedy Bang, Bang. We're back here with Gerag Carmichael, of course. And we have Angel Calicchio or Calicchio. Caliquio. Calicchio.

It's Calicchio. Uh-huh. Okay, because you said both. Yeah, I got nervous that maybe it was Calicchio, but it's Calicchio. You got nervous. Calicchio. Calicchio. How is it spelled?

again? It's not like Tom Colicchio. C-O-L-L-I-C-I-W-O. Okay. Caliquio. All right. Okay, great. And one would think it would be W-I-O, but it's I-W-O. Okay, great. All right, great. All right, very good. We have another guest on the show, and boy, can we take so much talent on this show? This is pretty amazing. He is a professor of linguistics, not linguine.

which I would be very interested in as lunchtime is rapidly approaching. Very angry. But he is a professor of linguistics, I'm not sure where. Please welcome Pam Steinsma. Bantoracunta fastila. Pasta la Cura.

I don't know. Scott, that is my way of saying thank you for having me on the show. Okay, that's a language? That's one of the languages I have invented, yes. You've invented these languages. Yes, I have invented over 91 and exactly 92 languages. And that's sort of my thing.

I invent these fictional languages. That's from a language. The first one I ever invented, Cronzo. Cronzo. Clunzo. Okay, interesting. I've heard about people like you, like the guy who invented the Game of Thrones language. He's my top competitor.

How do you choose, like, the accent? I just, it depends on the way. where the people come from, what race of people are speaking it, and what planet perhaps? What race of people speak? Crohnzo. Oh, that's a race of trolls. Oh, I see.

Okay. So not color of skin. It's a... Oh, no, no. We got trolls, orcs, wood elves. Oh, okay. All sorts, yeah. Okay.

Like, was David the gnome a wood elf? He was more in the gnome range of things. Oh, that's a big sense. Can we hear a little more... Is it quotho? What is it? Cronzo. Kronzo.

Fourth is a different one. Oh, that is something? Yeah. Oh, I wonder how I knew that. Let's hear a little Kronzo here. Basruatino, fastako, massatura. Is that just the same thing that you said before? Completely different thing.

Oh, okay, great, great. And what did that mean? That meant, I need to use the restroom. Do you? No. Oh, okay. I don't need to. Yeah, we know, we know.

Tonight you will. I have a weird request. Yeah. Is that, this is crazy, and I don't want to put you on the spot. Could you sing maybe kiss from a rose in Kronzo? Oh, that would be great. I know that's really specific. Which part do you want?

Do you want where the Batman signal is like shining up in a... Yeah, yeah, yeah, just from baby. Baby! And I can bow you to a kiss from the rose on me. We sound good together. Yeah. We should do, we should... We should do more.

Yeah, we should... Yeah, we should... Just. Just leaving it at that. Yep. All right. So let's hear Kiss from a Rose in Cronzo. Valto,

Karatish to matur, kati. That sounded like the same words. They're lying in the same words. That's part of it. Some of it's the same word, the same syllable even, but it's just the infliction.

The infliction. The slightest bit. So what's the first word you said? VALto. VALto. VALto means baby. VALTO. VALTO.

Oh. Yeah. Wow. That was beautiful. Thank you. I don't know. It's like one of those languages like Klingon or Russian that sounds terrible. Yes.

It sounds angry and, you know, like very aggressive. You know what I mean? Is it a warrior race these? Oh, yes. And very honorable, too. They're, you know. How much time do you spend like crafting the background of the dial? Oh, wait, are you, you're making up the race of people as well, right?

Yes, yes. Well, I've been trying to sell these languages. You know, I'll call the Game of Thrones people or the Defiance people or something go, well, Star Trek and do you need new language. And they'll go, well, we've got a guy for that already. Is it the same guy? That guy, yeah. I'll go, here he molests people. And then they go, that's, you're making that up.

And are you making that up? Of course. And I'm just trying to, you know, sell my languages. You're just trying to sell your languages. Sure, sure. Yeah. I'm an honest salesman. Sure.

A peddler of the spoken word. Except for that lot. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Except for frequent lies, I'm an honest salesman. Okay, great. I lie about my competitors. I'm honest about my product.

Okay. Well, you know, Angel over here has a new business. Maybe he could use a new language, you know? You know, it's something that I've wondered before. Really? Maybe if I say, you know, this is John Liguizamo's house, definitely. Maybe he's not coming out because he's taking all this time preparing for a role and he's trying to get his role going and he's going and he's going to play this character

and he's a, he's a wood, he's like a tree person from a planet full of tree people. Do you got a language for that? Yes, Valtotho. Oh, Valtotho. See, because what I think is John Ligizamos practicing the Valtotho, and then one of his kids comes in and the kid is sad because he found a ladybug and he wants to keep the ladybug inside of the house as a pet. He's going to put it in a jar and he's going to put Cheetos in the jar with the ladybug

and John Liguazamo goes, she's not going to eat Cheetos, you know, inside of his house. Better for a ladybug to be free out in the wild. That's where she's going to have her best chance. Chance to what? Live and do more. Do more living. Yeah, just do more. Just do more, yeah, like me and Gerard doing more.

Singing, whatever. Yeah, do more. The ladybug could live a life. Yeah. So let's hear a little of Valtotho then. Maybe, I don't know, kiss from a rose, done in Valtotho? I was going to say sex and candy, but I like... Oh, okay.

Kiss from Rouse. Be... Valtatho conversations could last for millennia. Just a simple, hello. How are you back and forth? Yes. They were ancient race. What were you, did you just get the baby out?

Yes, exactly. And that was singing, that was, not only was that singing, that was beautiful singing. Oh, in Valtotho. In any world. Oh, okay, I'm sorry, I thought you were singing in Valtotho. You just made, well, mostly in Vulton. You're just judging your own singing. But, you know, yeah, so right now it's Valtoth because that's the, you know, the stories that I write and I create the languages.

Oh, you're a writer? Sure, yeah, yeah. What kind of thing do you write? Well, I come up with stories for these languages as I create these. racism stuff. I'm hoping to self-publish someday. You're hoping to self-publish. What's keeping you?

Because it's self-publishing. Well, you say I'm writing these on my... It starts with you. Yeah. If not you, who? And if not now, when? If someone else comes to you to self-publish. Yeah.

If Random House comes to you and says, hey, do you want to self-publish this? Well, I'm having trouble. I use a 386 computer. What does that mean? That's like a pre-Pentium computer. So I just can't, I haven't been able to get any of the stories off the computer. Oh, they're all on this.

To get them to a publisher. What about like an external hard drive? If it worked, I'd love it. If it worked, why would it not work? Mine doesn't work or the hard drive of the 386? Okay, so you're putting all these stories into a hard drive that does not work? Well, a hard drive works, but I can't copy anything onto the disc. Okay.

Yeah. So I think you're saying I need to attach external. We're on a, I see what you're saying now. Okay, yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah, people come to your house and read them off the computer. That would be nice. That's not a bad idea, you know, like word of mouth.

Maybe gather two of your friends down at the Hot Mayo Clinic. Wait, no, factory. No, it's a clinic. Is it really? Wait, I've heard of the Mayo Clinic, but the Hot Mayo Clinic. Is it like... The friends are at the Hot Mayo. You make cold frozen mail.

I'm sorry. Right, right, right. You know, and get them over to your house and maybe, would you read them aloud or would they read them silently or would they read them aloud or would you read them silently? There's a lot of varieties that you're from. Any combination of these would be... It has to be a combination though? Yes.

It would be very pleasing to me. If someone chose just one, anger would boil. But if anyone picked multiple of these, I'm going to read this silently, I go go for it. But then when you're done, I'm going to read it aloud. If they say, nope, I just want to read it silently. I'd say, the boiling has begun, my boy. And I would say, off with you, off with you then. But.

And you would say this in English? Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps? Was that a different language? Yes, it was. What was that? That was Tithy Ta!

And what did Parhaps mean? No? Yes, exactly. Parhaps means no in Tithi Ta. Yeah, so I just, you know, I just, it's, it's, um... I like how you said it. Yeah. Tithita ta!

Yeah, well, that's all they say. They have a very quick little creatures. Oh, they are. They're like rabbits with eight ears. With eight years. Eight ears, yeah. Oh, eight ears. And then they, you know, run around.

Tipita. What a rati. Wow, they're talking very loudly for beings with eight ears. You think they would be able to talk softening? They think beings are beans, because technically they are beans. They're beans? Yes, they're rabbit-shaped beans. With eight ears.

With eight ears. And in what way are they rabbit-shaped being as rabbits have two ears? Okay. Okay, picture your standard rabbit. We've all seen a rabbit, right? Sure, not with glasses. No, no, no, no. Yeah, just your standard.

You're at your Easter egg hunt. Whatever. Rabbits, hippity hopping around. Sure, yeah. They're all there at the Easter egg hunts. Sure, yeah. You're on the quad. Yeah, quadrant.

In Iowa City. There's rabbits hopping around. Okay, sure. That's just one place. Are you from Iowa City? Nope, I'm from Pittsburgh. Oh, okay. Oh, the steel curtain.

The steel diet? Yes. I think you're right. You think I'm right. I'm not a big sports guy. Oh, really? What are you more into? Linguistics.

Okay. So your hobby is also your profession. My hobby is my knobby, as they would say in Tithi-Tah. So they, what would that mean? Would hobby have a different meaning? Hobby means hobby. Oh, okay. Nabi means profession.

Okay. And Parhaps means no. Parhaps means no. Are those the only divergencies? Those are, there's actually one more. Which one? Pline means line. Pline means line.

But everything else is English. Oh, yeah. So when you were speaking Tithita before, was that? You have to say it. Tithi Tita. When you were imitating the little beans. Right.

And what were we... That was an archaic language of Titi Tia. Yes, they've adapted. I don't mean to hold your feet to the fire on this. I'm just fascinated with your process. I'll answer all these questions because I know all the answers. Okay, great. T T TTI-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T.

Well, Gerad, do you have any questions for Pam here? What an interesting name, Pam. Yes, yes. It's short for Pamela. Oh, okay. Yeah, thank you. Are you, I don't quite know how to ask this in this climate.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. I'm, you're asking what my genitals look like. Or taste like. Or sound like in teeth atop. Yeah. I would say they are a man's genitals of a subalableness.

optimal size. Okay. Why are you so proud of that? Well, I might as well be honest. Okay, you may as well. I mean, you're not when you're talking about this other guy who does Game of Thrones. Yeah, yeah. Very honest about yourself.

Yes. I shall peddle no lies. But you are. Except a few. Okay. Angel, do you have any questions here for? Yeah. Here's a question I have.

If you got hired to write for some sort of TV show or movie or something where they didn't need another language, like, let's say it's John Liguizamo, he's driving a big rig, and he's friends with all these other big rig drivers, and they meet up at a road stop. And that's where they sort of just sort of talk about the adventures they have on the road. Is this a show you're thinking of writing? No. In case John Liguala comes out of his house? No. This is not. No.

What do you have there, by the way? you're clutching something. It's my pearls. Okay, you're clutching your pearls. Some people have worry beads, but I'm rich, so I walk around with pearls and I stroke pearls. But I notice in your other hand you have what looks to be like a sheaf of papers or a, is that like a, oh, it looks like a spec script? Yeah, this is the script for the truck thing I was just talking about here. Did you write it?

Yeah, I wrote it. You wrote it. I wrote it in English, which is an honorable language. Okay. So are you looking for a staff? is that you're trying to staff? I think this guy has good ideas, right? Why would you think that?

Because everything he's talking about so far, how he speaks multiple languages. Yeah, but none of that is applicable to the truck driving thing. Here's my idea. Even if you got to write it in Tithi, Tao, or Kronzo first, and then you translate it back into English because I can talk to John Leguizamo,

maybe at some point in the future after I create a relationship with him, and I can go, John. What do you think about maybe doing a show where you don't do English, You do it in Teethy Top, but I have a feeling he's going to go, I don't have time to learn a whole language. Try to raise my kids. Well, you know, I need to do something.

To go into show business, I would need to leave, I would need to speak the dean of my college. Oh, where do you teach? The professor of linguistics at Triangle Technical College. Okay, so TTC? Yeah, TTC, Triangle Technical College. Yeah, where is that? It's in the Pittsburgh. That's in Pittsburgh.

That's in Pittsburgh. Yeah. It's a technical college. What kind of skills do they teach the students there? computers and stuff like that? Yeah, and repair and plumbing and, you know, mechanical. And linguistics? Linguistics, yeah, yeah.

You're a professor of linguistics. I'm the professor of linguistics there. Is there a lot of linguistics? We haven't offered a class yet in it. Oh. And I've not yet salaried, but we sort of have a deal where I get to, I have an office, you know. What do you mean?

At the, in the building. You have an office. Yeah. Okay. And it's, and, you know, and it's, there's. No, I don't know. Please. You said you have a deal. Right. Well, sure, sure. Yeah. I have a deal. And you keep saying you know.

You know, it's the standard thing. You get an office that has a bucket in it and a mob. And if you use that bucket and mop to clean things up every once in a while, they let you keep your office. This is not an office. This is a janitor's closet. Excuse me? Are you a custodian? Well, I'm a custodian of the tongues of our students. What does it say on the door where all of your things are? It says custodian in, like it's printed on there, and then a post it beneath it says of tongues.

Okay. And do, like, female students see that and go, who's that creep who's trying to get me to go in there and use my tongue? I've heard that exact sentence several times a day. Sure. Okay. All right. See, I thought that was janitors, too, because I've always thought it was interesting. At the end of the night, John Liguizamo has a janitor in his house that comes out.

I see him come out with all this stuff, but I guess he has a professor of linguistics living in his house. Very likely, I would say. At the end of the night. At the end of the night. So, wait, what eight-hour period are you there during the witching hour? All different times. To 8 a.m.? No one's going to come out of the house at like 4 in the morning.

You never know. What if there's some sort of emergency? Well, I hope you're not trying to cause an emergency. I have a feeling no one leaves John Leguizumel's house between the... Until like 9 a.m. until maybe 6 p.m. Yeah, like a lot of traffic. That's true. That's true. Yeah, yeah.

Have you been one of the four people on my tour? I have not yet. I have not gone. On one of the two tours that you went to, was there any sort of commotion where the police were called and like an armed person went in a route? Masks of former presidents. That did happen. And they were coming out with sacks of John Liguizamo's belongings. Really?

And they had one guy in a car waiting with the car going just to get out of their. fast as they can. The wheelman. I imagine this was truly traumatic for John Ligizamo and his family. Oh, man. And, uh, that was... You know, John Liguizamo? Yeah, no, I know.

I know him. You know him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in regarding Henry. Okay. He shoots Harrison Ford, sets the events of the film in motion. Okay, yeah, the inciting incident. I love him in Spawn.

Oh, yeah, he's in Spawn. He's the bad guy in Spawn. So you've studied screenwriting a bit because you know inciting incident and terms like that. Sure. Okay. Can't be all mayonnaise? Can we read some of this script here?

Of course we can. All right, let me hand that over if you don't mind. To hand it over to Pam over here. He wants to read it, obviously. Mm-hmm. Now, should I translate this into Cronzo? Or should I... Keep it in English, please.

Okay. All right. You can do it in Cronzo and then I can put it in English if you want. Oh, okay. Yeah, sure, if you want to do that. Okay. Here we go. Batha Ratush.

Oh, boy. I am almost not even wanting to. finish my shift driving the truck, go back home. This is the first line? Oh, I'm sorry. I just, just to quote, oh boy. I'm almost not even wanting to finish my shift driving the truck. Oh boy.

Oh, boy, I think at the end of it again. Yeah, okay. No, wait, was that right? That's right. Okay, great, great. It's right there on the paper. Creama, ta, ta, fatito. My wife, she's still upset at me because of what I did when she took the kids to visit her parents' house.

Okay. Oh, keep going. Ballot for Connie, Connie, Connie, Connie. Connie. Oh, God. While she was on, I thought I would play a fantastic joke. Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic. So, Cunny means fantastic?

No two ways around it. It does. Cunning. I don't know. La Phafuta, mistolatito. Jackie, I take the furniture from one room,

I move it into another room. Wait, so what is this about? I'm not following the plot. This is, John Lick was almost playing a trick on his wife while she's out of town. I don't know. Yeah. Can you cut to the end? I just want to go to the last line,

because the first line and last line are very important. Connie. Fantastic. Okay. All right. You know what? You guys are made for each other. I was going to read my sketching Cronzo, but this was even better.

Oh, good. Okay, yeah, we don't have time to read yours. I'm so sorry. No, well, I'll just do it next time. Oh, well, you're definitely going to be back. Yeah. Look, we only have time for one final thing on the show, and that's a little something called plugs. The show's need to be.

over so how are we to know about your tour dates or basic cable shows you are so funny it's like you are tickling but who are you on twitter i just don't have an inkling if you have a podcast on this here station how to disseminate all that information a little something that we call All right, that was great. That was Deseminate the Plugs by Ross Beach. Ross Beach. I wonder if that's a band name or a guy's name. Beach would be a really interesting last name to have, don't you think?

Beach. Beach. Adam Beach? Adam Beach? Why do you say Adam? Is that an actor? No? Might be.

Might be. Could be. I don't know. You would know better than I. I mean flags of our fathers or something. Oh, something like that? I don't know. E-C-H or E-A-C-C-H?

E-A-C-C-H. Oh. Sounds relaxing. It does, doesn't it? I'd like to be on a beach. All right, what do we plug in? Girard, obviously, the Carmichael show Sundays. The Carmichael show Sundays at 9 p.m.

Mm-hmm. And is that? NBC. NBC, you know? I have to do that. You have to do that, yeah. Great initials. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Are you on tour or do you have... No, no. It's a mostly Carmichael show. Just Carmichael show. Then you got Neighbors, too, as well, coming out. I'll describe it. I believe.

Summerish. May, June, somewhere in there? Just look for it. You and Hannibal, having fun together. Yeah, it'll be really fun. That's great. Yeah, it'll be really funny. But yeah, Carmichael's just Sundays at 9.

Fantastic. Angel, what do we have? Well, of course, you've got to ask around, see if anybody you know knows me and knows about my tours of Hollywood, Hollywood Tour. Zero Bus. Hollywood Tour. Zero Bus. Is that how you describe it? That's the name of it.

Zero Bus Hollywood Tour So that's the main thing to check out for me All right, very good How about you, Pam? Hey, why was March afraid of April? Because April 8, 9? April May, June. What?

Because April May, June. What does it mean to June? Oh, I'm sorry, that's very funny in Cronzo. Oh, okay, okay, great, great, great. Is that your plug? Yep. Okay. Fantastic.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Gonna listen to some plugs. Going to listen to some plugs. Going to listen to some plugs. Going to listen to some plugs. Going to get my in for out. Going to get my jobs. I'll talk about.

Going to listen to some plugs. Talk about my jobs. Going to listen to some plugs. All right, guys. Thank you so much. This is an interesting show. Drod, thanks for coming back. Great to see you.

I would love to hang out socially with you if I ever hung out socially with anyone. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said. So it's not going to happen. Not hyperbole at all. An angel, so nice to me. Calicoe. Yes, that's right. Good luck with your endeavors.

I mean, you don't need luck. How much money are you spending on this business? Did you have kind of an outlay of several? That's the beauty part. It's no money. No money. So it's zero bus and no money. It's no money for everyone involved.

So people don't have to pay for these? No. How is this a business? I got more money than I need. Here's what I say. If you're going to come on the door, bring a bag of dog food. I said tour, but I said it in the weirdest way, Bob. Do you're going to come on the tour, bring a bag of dog food.

Why? Because I do a lot of work with dogs. Wait, so you don't own dogs yourself? No, no, no. The dogs are not to get lost. My house are too huge. I wouldn't know where the dogs are at. Try to keep a dog contained into one area and the side of the Mediterranean-style estate that I have from Beverly Hills.

Come on. Bring a bag of dog food. I do a lot of work with dogs. It's going to haunt me now. What kind of work do you do with the dogs? Rescue dogs. You rescue them? No.

They're already rescued and they're in between. They're in sort of a limbo. What work are you doing? Brush them. Oh, you're brushing them. Brushing them working their legs. out. Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry to get so specific with you, but I just, you know, I don't know. Okay, and then- Is that weird? No, brushing dogs? No. What's weird is you being so evasive about it.

Okay, you got me there. All right. And Pam, yes. Thank you so much for being here. And if anyone would like to hire me to create a language. Yeah. Please do. Okay, and how do people get a hold of you? They can just call you. I don't think I'm going to be passing on this. Just pass it. If you'll just pass it, if you'll just pass it. plug any tweet or email message. Yeah, call, pass it on. All right, thanks, everyone. Thanks, bye.