Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Zach Galifianakis, Lauren Lapkus, Tim Baltz (Totally Todd)

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

This is part 4 of our Totally Todd series. Our old friend Zach Galifianakis joins Scott and Scott’s nephew Todd on this week’s Comedy Bang! Bang! After Scott & Todd catch up and play “What’s That Phrase?”, Zach tells us about his new FX show “Baskets” and considers Todd to be his new stand-up opening act. Later, U.S. citizen Don Darling stops by all the way from Wisconsin to tell us all about being a Sugar Daddy.

Hey everyone, this is your host Scott Aukerman welcoming you to another bonus bang. Of course, these bonus bangs are Episodes that we have previously recorded that are coming out from behind the paywall This is episode 4 in our totally Todd series Where we are revisiting episodes featuring my nephew Todd played, of course by Lauren Lapkus Fan favorite and we're hearing all about his past and his present, perhaps his future. This episode is called Wisconsin Sugar Babies. It was released on January 11, 2016.

It has friend of the show, Zach Galifianakis, and it has Lauren Lapkus as the titular Todd, and Tim Balz as Dan Darling. Not only is this a great episode for Todd, but an interesting little fun fact here, this is Tim Balz's very first appearance on Comedy Bang Bang, which is kind of fun to hear. And of course, if you like what you hear and you want to hear the entire CBB archive, you can become a subscriber at CBBworld.com, where you can find every single episode

that we've ever recorded, as well as every live episode we've ever done, including the ones we're doing right now. We will be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Adele says hello and Sink said bye bye bye. I'm saying these restrooms are for customers only. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Yes, funny catchphrase. Thank you so much to Three's Company, Fourth Roommate for that wonderful catchphrase. I wonder if it actually is Three's Company's Fourth Roommate. Wow, that would be amazing. I'm starstruck.

Speaking of stars and being struck, that's a terrible segue. I have no idea what I could follow up with that. Oh boy. Welcome to Comedy Bang May, of course. I'm your host, Scott Aukerman, and it's January 2016. It's a brand new year. We got it off right with Bennyichois and Horatio last week and we're ready to come back

with a fantastic episode again today, hopefully. And to help us out with that, we have a star of a cable series on, something called Baskets. And, but before we get to him, we have coming over here, something called baskets. And, but before we get to him, we have, coming over here, I decided to take him out of my house

and show him some air. It's my nephew, Todd. Hey. Hi. Hey Todd. Oh, hey Uncle Scott. We said hello to each other this morning, so. You make me say it on the show.

I know. You say, say hello, make it seem like we get along. Do you think that people should just say hello to each other once a day? It makes more sense. I think when you're, when you said hello to someone and then you say you're going to the restroom and you pass them.

Are you doing a monologue again? Okay, here we go. I don't mean to get off on a rant here. Say it, so what? So you're passing them on your way to the bathroom. They're coming out of the restroom. You're going into the restroom. Do you say hello or do you?

Do we use our shit? I don't think it matters. I think number one, number two, it doesn't matter in this situation. What if you took a shit? I'm not saying hi on my way out if I took a shit. Wait, if you took a shit, you just wanna slink back to your cubicle in shame?

I don't want them to notice me. I wish I could work in a cubicle. I hate anyone noticing that I've ever gone to the restroom. You know what I mean? I notice it all the time. It smells horrible. Well, we only have one. You drop bombs and you lock me in there. Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have a guest bedroom.

You have to stay there. I'm not a guest. I live here. I know. For those of you who don't know, my nephew Todd is my sister's kid. He's a... How old are you again? Needle school.

Right, yeah. And you again? Needle school. Right, yeah. And you're- Grown. You can just groan, you don't have to say- Grown! Sigh. Cough, cough.

Is your throat a little full? Yeah, I don't feel good. Okay. You never took me to the doctor, ever. We don't have insurance for that. You got money, just pay the bill. No, there's a deductible is what I'm saying. I have insurance, of course.

There's a deductible. There's a $10 copay. I want to expose you right now. Hey guys, me and Uncle Scott went to the grocery store. He finally took me. He put me in the part where the baby sits. Well, you're a tiny kid. He shoved my legs through the holes.

It hurt real bad. But anyways, he was penny-pinching the whole way. Anything I wanted, he said we could only get it if I had a coupon. Well, or generic brand. I know! That's why I eat odios. What's wrong with odios? They taste like dirt!

They're perfectly acceptable. Have you ever had them? Well, no. No? Because you eat your gourmet pancakes that provide protein. Well, I get my food delivered. He gets protein pancakes. I, I get my food delivered. He gets protein pancakes.

It's just fried protein. They're from Shark Tank. They're from Shark Tale as well. The money I made on Shark Tale. Stop talking about that movie. You always put it on and make me watch it. And then laugh at the parts you wrote specifically that weren't edited by someone else later.

Every other line. Anyway, yeah, she's, he, he is my... Oh my god! How many times am I going to show you my dick before you know it's real? Well, one more time wouldn't hurt. Fine, zip. Ha ha ha. Now unzip it.

Ha ha. Anyway... Unzip. He, uh, he's been staying with me for years now. Yeah. Gee whiz. What's going on with my sister? I don't know.

She never called me again. Yeah. Wait, you called for years now. Yeah, gee whiz. What's going on with my sister? I don't know, she never called me again. Yeah, wait, you called her? Yeah. Yeah? I used the pay phone outside your house. I wonder why there is one there. Because you live by that Best Buy from cereal. Speaking of cereal, odios.

Oh yuck, don't remind me. Anyway, so. Just so everyone knows, I poop like a hamster. Yeah. Because I've been eating odios. I don't know exactly know what that means. Pellets or? Like those little sprinkles.

Looks like jimmies. Sprinkles like on the top of a donut? Yeah, which I wish I could have. Homer Simpson. Ugh. What's been going on with you? I'm not happy. Yeah? You've been going to school? Yeah, I've Samson. Ugh. What's been going on with you? You, uh. I'm not happy. Yeah?

You've been going to school? Yeah, I've been going. What happens after I leave? I've been going. Yeah? Most of the time I get some air and not turn all sallow colored. From the poop?

Wafts? Yeah. And remnants? I just mostly want air so I can feel healthy, but I've been going to school and man, it's not going so well Yeah, what's that? What's happening? What's going on school every day before seventh period? I get a bad stomach ache before seventh period What's happening instead? I mean is it the time of day or is it?

I don't know do you remember my schedule? What is seven? I don't know yourself How would I know your school? I told you in a dinner when you said tell me your day I always go through my whole schedule every period God. I knew you never listened God Of course I don't listen. I don't hate you. You're I'm giving you the bare minimum of love letting you Bare minimum. We chop me. So cold. You know what you're like. You're like that experiment. I wonder if I've said this before I don't know try me out You're like that experiment where the monkey got to hug the metal thing. Nope New to me.

Just like a rerun on Muscy TV. Rerun? I love that little guy. Yep. Who? From what's happening? Oh, that's another person. Yeah.

I'm calling back an episode of your podcast I listened to when you made me with my head under the covers. It was so weird. Anyways. Anyways, so wait, the man hugged a monkey or a what? No, no, start over. There was this whole experiment where he was trying to see if monkeys needed love.

And so they put it in this cage with this baby monkey and there was a version of the, wait, hold on. Jesus Christ. Shut up! Get it together. Okay, the first- Where did you see this? Shut up on YouTube, the team's favorite website. Yeah. I could have my own channel if one day

I got a phone that made videos. Yeah, sorry. Whatever. We're just still images, but maybe you could do like a flip book thing. No one wants to see that. Anyway, so this monkey, on one side of the room, it had this really soft mommy monkey,

but it shocked him every time it, oh wait. What is it, a live monkey, a soft mommy monkey, but it shocked him every time it went away. A live monkey, a soft live monkey? No, it was two fake monkeys. One of them was- Wait, it was two fake monkeys? Get your story straight. The baby was real, the mommy was fake. Not the mama. Not the mama at all,

because one of them was made of wire, and one of them was made of soft. Wait a minute, so there's a barbed wire monkey? And it would shock it. Shock the monkey? The Peter Gabriel special? What is happening? That must be what the song is about.

Yeah, probably. I always thought it was about jerking it. Well, most songs are, to be honest. Name a song that's not. Oh, I'm trying to think of one. Party or World, Jerkin' It. Jellyfish, He's My Best Friend, no, Jerkin' It. Rocky Red Coon, Jerkin' It.

Let's see. Wild Horses, Jerkin' It. How Fun It Is to Jerk Off, Jerkin' It. Well, anyhow, anyway, the whole point is that one of them shocked him and one didn't. One of the fake monkeys shocked. Like the one gave him food, but it shocked him and the other one give him nothing But it hugged him okay, and so it showed that he would always go to the he would go to the shock one to get The food, but it would be so sad and go back to the one that had was soft even though I did nothing for him

Uh-huh, and you think I'm like which monkey the one that shocks me Shocked my monkey I'm not jerking you off? No matter how many times you show me that. I know. I don't want you to. Yuck. You're my uncle.

Yeah, why have you showed me your penis then 20 times since we started? Because you call me she all the time. Do she's have this? Okay, 21. Oh my gosh. Now we all remember that time period where you made a wish in the wishing machine and you got big.

Yeah, I got big. Well, yeah. And then now you're small. My weenie got big, but the rest of me stayed norms. Wait a minute, as I remember you got big, then you got small and your weenie stayed big. Yeah, you're right. Okay, so.

You do pay attention to me. Yeah, well, you're growing into your weenie at this point., you're right. Okay, so. You do pay attention to me. Yeah, well, you're growing into your weenie at this point. Because you've grown up a little bit. Tell everyone how I had a growth spurt and what kind of pants you got me. Well, you know, you grew up about five inches over the past month. Yeah, it hurt real bad. Yeah, so I decided that I wasn't going to buy you new pants, so I just cut off the legs of,

and put them into short shorts. Sort of like that Nair commercial, you know? Who wears short shorts? Yeah, so they're like writing up your crack a little bit. Sorry about that. I know, you said you'll never have pants long enough. You might as well make sure everyone just knows they're shorts and not high water.

It's like you're Gabe Kaplan in the Battle of the Network stars. No one knows what that is. All of these references, Three's Company, Fourth Roommate, That's like you're Gabe Kaplan in the Battle of the Network stars. No one knows what that is. All of these references, Threes Company, Fourth Roommates, Mare commercial. That's all you. What? You're using some of them? Shock the Monkey?

I said, I said it shocked the monkey in that experiment with a monkey that got shocked. Then you said a song. And then I said I'd heard it before. Where did you hear it? Where are you hearing songs? I'm not- Uncle Scott! I'm not, I don't like you going on those websites with songs. Guess, no.

I know you won't ever let me go on any YouTube that has a song. But guess what? I was in the yard the other night when you were making me clean up everything. All your party litter. You know, you have to earn your keep. Well, it sucks. But anyway, I saw what you were doing in the window.

You were doing like the Hum Alone thing where you had all those like fake action things moving, like cardboard cutouts. Sure, sure. And then you had Shock the Monkey on, and you were making all the action cutouts whack off their own dicks. With their stuff.

Nothing you're saying is surprising to me. Yeah, well, is it surprising that I saw you? I hated it. I did it for you. You did? Yeah. That was a show for me. It was a show for your benefit jeez for my benefit Yeah, raise money for my charity. Yes, you started charity. Tell me about it Tell the listeners because they want to hear about this. All right. Well, it's a pretty personal to me It's a basically a bank account where you can donate money for me so I could have clothes and wait It's just for you. I thought it was for like starving orphans or something.

What do you think I am? You're eating odios! I'm a starving orphan! My mom left me and you don't feed me. You're not an orphan. Your mom's out there somewhere. You don't even know. Well, you know, it's not that she checks in with me either.

Why not? She just dumped you on my back porch. She didn't even have the decency to put you on the front porch. I know, she put a tag around my neck that said, please keep. Please keep. I didn't even know what that meant for a long time. It was an unfinished sentence.

Yeah, plus the other thing is you're as old as you are now, although it was a couple of years ago. You could have said anything. You had the ability to speak English. She said, don't say a word. Wait for him to read that note before you say anything. Then say everything. Yeah, wow.

And don't stop. Yeah, I know. No matter how much he hates it. Oh my god. What are your dreams? Do you want to go to, I mean, you're in middle school. I want to go to technical school. Yeah.

You want to be a computer programmer? Yeah, computer programmer or get my veterinary degree. Mm. You interested in animals? No. No? Other than that monkey you watched the video for? What's your favorite animal?

Do you think just because I watch something, I'm interested in it? Like, do you think that? I don't know. Just because I watched a video of a monkey I love animals? I don't know. What are you, just flipping through YouTube? So wait, just because you watched that video of the two girls showing their butts you love women?

You know look that's a tip-off as far as I'm concerned like a great basketball game. I wish I could have seen one. Alright. Seen one what? One of the butts? Basketball game! Oh. You'll never take me even to my school. Are you interested in butts or like what are you, you're a burgeoning young man at this

point. I'm a burgeoning virgin. I hope so, even though you have a grown man's penis. Yeah, well that thing's seen a few things. What do you feed that thing as Justin Bieber's dad once said? You feed it cum? That you cum or other people's cum? I feed it cum and it barfs cum.

It's a never ending cycle. It's like bulimic? Yeah. That you cum or other people's cum? I feed it cum and it barfs cum. It's an everyday cycle. So it's like bulimic? Yeah. My dicks bulimin' and barfs cum. This is not appropriate language, by the way, for a middle school young boy. Why don't you slap me? All right, come here.

Oh, ow! Why did you gasp before I did it? Because you grabbed my arm, you little dick. Look, I have to discipline you. Yeah. You realize that? Are you okay with being disciplined? It's all I ever get, so I guess I'm okay

because I don't know anything else. Well, you know, you have the whip and you have the carrot. You have the nae nae. You have the whip, the nae nae and the carrot. And watch me do two of those and then eat one of them. That's a common reverence. That's a current one Eat the nae nae while you shove a carrot Watch me whip, watch me nae nae

You can't sing that where did you learn that song? Vine! Not on YouTube I hope oh on Vine I gotta ban that one I used your phone and one on your Vine account. It's all Vine porn Do they allow, I'm not on Vine, do they allow pornos on there? Well, they don't allow you, you have to type it in really weird, but I once saw something real nasty on there. Wait, what did you see? Where'd you describe it? And then I'll decide whether I'm gonna spank you or not. Okay.

What did you see? I saw six seconds of the follow... Ah! Six seconds! You can't hit me, that's how long vines are! Okay, sorry, sorry. It's almost a Luke Perry. Six seconds...

Nevermind. No, wait, hold on. I don't get it. You don't get it? All right, no one does. Tell me. Go ahead. He was in a movie called Eight Seconds, I think.

I was going to say Six Seconds to Mars. I only watch movies that are time periods, by the way. Forty-eight hours. I know someone who would like that. Six seconds who? Our Lord and Savior, the time keeper. Oh, no. I thought you meant our Lord and Savior, Jesus.

Are you keeping up with your Bible studies? Yeah, I've been studying how to burn it. What? Yeah. Don't do that. You already burned all those American flags and I had to explain that to the neighbor. I didn't burn the Bible,

but I've been going to hotels and putting it in the drawer. Putting the Bible in the drawer? There already is one in there. I know. You don't have to double Bible it. Why are you burning all those flags? Have you been radicalized? Well, I heard it stood for something bad. The American flag? Yeah, you know what it

really stands for? It stands for freedom in this country. No! You've been brainwashed by Obama! What's it stand for? It has 13 stars and 13 stripes, and you know what that is? Well, it has more, it has 50 stars now, but sure. No, stripes. 13 stripes. 13 stripes, yeah. You know what that is? Big ups to people of all stars and stripes, by the way. You don't even know what it means to have 13 stripes. It's about the colonies.

No, it's not. What? It's about, it's about, who's that guy? Who's what guy? Wait, who's that guy who like, um. Okay, you gotta be more specific. Okay. Because it's about 50% of the people who have ever lived at this point. Who's what guy? Wait, who's that guy who like, um... Okay, you gotta be more specific. Because it's about 50% of the people who have ever lived at this point. Who's that guy? Who?

Alright, is it time to play Who's That Guy? Sing the song! Who's that guy? It's the one time we have fun at our house. Alright, so it's time to play Who's That Guy. We all know the rules, but elucidate for the listeners what the specific rules are. The rules is, I say a thing, you try to guess who the guy is. Right. And then you keep saying, who's that guy?

Be more specific. Okay, here we go. So, okay. Who's that guy? Be more specific. You know that guy. Who's that guy? Be more specific.

Who like, he's got dark hair. Who's that guy? Be more specific. He's got a swastika on his forehead. Charles Manson. Yeah! Game over! You couldn't Mm, Charles Manson. Yeah! Game over! Got it in two.

You couldn't think of Charles Manson? I could, I just wanted to play the game world, but I like fun. Oh yeah, it's fun. That's the only game we ever play. I know, it's the only time you'll ever do something I say. Yeah, we once, you tried to play hopscotch, I said, no, no. I know, you laid on it and wouldn't let me jump on it. I outstretched my arms like I was in a Jesus Christ pose,

AKA Soundgarden. And then you were dancing around on Sky Blue wouldn't let me jump on it. I outstretched my arms like I was in a Jesus Christ pose, AKA sound garden. And then you were dancing around on sky blue and screaming sky blue, sky blue. Sure, I don't know what that means. The top of the hopscotch, you fart. That's, wait, that's the number nine or whatever it is? It goes one, two, three, four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine, 10, and then above the top, there's an arc, like a basketball thing. Like of the covenant? Yeah, an arc of the covenant, and it says sky blue. And that's real success, pure heaven. Okay, wait, so how do you, okay, maybe I've only played the, I mean, I played back in the, gosh. Oh, the 50s?

Back when you were 12? Oh, God, do you think I'll live to see the 50s, the 2050s? I don't know. Do you think I'll live to see the 50s, the 2050s? I don't know. Do you think they'll just be like the 1950s where there's, you know, like old timey rock and roll and mall shops? You know that when we hit 2000 and all the computers died,

we started back over with all the trends of the 1900s. All the trends, yeah. That's why you're wearing a flapper outfit right now. 23 skidoo, by the way. Even though I'm a guy. I know, it's very strange. You have your long pearls. Oh my gosh. Well 23 skidoo do you. Yeah thank you kadoo. What's that the cops or something? Oh no it's

just something you would say to someone. Oh I thought it was the cops. No just well it could be I don't know let's look it up here we go. Do you want to sing Look It Up Scotty? Look it up Scotty, suck it up, look it up on your phone. That's not the... And you bought a new slim phone because you just don't even care about money. Yeah, you know, I mean, I just, I really wanted it. I know, remember what I really wanted? What's that? Dinner.

That's a waste of money. You have a perfectly good breakfast and a perfectly good lunch. Lunch is horrible horrible grounded meat. All right, here, yeah, grounded meat at. Yeah, I'm hard. This is what it means. It generally refers to leaving quickly, being forced to leave quickly by someone else or taking advantage of a propituous, propitious.

Propituous. Propitious opportunity. What is propitious? Opportun-piduous. Pro-picious opportunity. What is propitious? Opportunity to leave. Pro-picious probably means like, like something that's positive for you. Let's see, let's see what propitious is. By the way, and that I guess you probably heard someone say it when the cops came there,

like 23 skidoo, like get out of here. But it doesn't mean that it's the cops it's not like five oh you're right but hold on i think i want to guess what propitious means okay here we go wait okay i get two guesses okay what's that phrase you want to sing the what's that phrase what's that phrase everybody hates it it's the game or the phrase Don't hate the game, hate the player. Hey, yeah, and I do. Okay, so propitious, you have the definition. Yep, I got it. Okay, I think that it means either something that has to happen immediately or it's something that's positive.

Okay, positive. Like a, like a, oh, hold on, like profitable. Immediately or profitable. Yeah, I'm just guessing two things. Okay, immediately or profitable. Uh, propid- propidat- propid- propid- propidation. I knew he couldn't read. I don't even know how to pronounce it.

Prop- propidation. Propidat- Propidation. Propidation. How do you spell it? P-r- prop. We got that. Prop-it-i-ation.

Propidation. Propidation.i-ation. Propit-i-ation. Propidiation. Propidiation. Propidiation. People who know English, by the way, are going out of their minds.

Propitiation. Hey, I'm not dumb, I'm just a kid. What's your excuse? I'm a kid at heart, with a kid's brain. Yeah. It's the act of appeasing or making well-disposed a deity, thus incurring divine favor or avoiding divine retribution.

So what the hell does that do with 23Skidoo? I don't know. What the fuck? What a horrible definition written by a real pretentious wiener. Taking advantage of a propit- propitious? I'm just gonna look up propitious. That's right. Prop-ish-us.

Here we go. Propitious. Is this fun? Oh no, okay, here-us. Here we go, propitious. Is this fun? Oh no, okay, here we go. This is totally different. Propitious. Okay. Giving or indicating a good chance of success.

Favorable. I said profitable. No, you said profitable. But I said good. You changed it to profitable. Because you didn't understand me. Sorry, Lena, bend over for your spanking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We all know that if you don't get it. No, no, ow, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Put that away, by the way. Put away your penis, God. Spank it. All right, come here. Wait, ow. Uncle Scott. Yes.

I need credit for that. First of all, it was my first inclination was that it was something that was good or positive. Why don't they just say good? Prohibitious. But stop avoiding me! I'm saying I was right! I was smarter than you!

No, because you changed your mind. You always have to trust your instincts. Stop strangling me! I'm sorry, but that's the punishment. Get your belt off my neck! It's more of a kind of a hangman's. Can you hang someone else? You know, you can if you're a hangman, certainly.

And I am part of the Universal Hangman's Church, so I registered online. You kill someone every week? Yep, I try to. Travel around to a... Travel around to a different point. Start over. Point? What?

Okay, got a backup. Alright, travel around to a different city every week. Close call. Someone needs hanging out there every week, don't you think? Well, yeah. Yep, you do think. Assistive suicide. I'm glad.

I don't like that kind of talk. I don't like, you know? You have a bright future ahead of you. I know I'm bright. I knew that word without ever hearing it in my entire life. You never heard that? Are you sure it's not a lyric in Shock the Monkey? Have a propitious time?

How much do you want to bet that propitious is not used in the song Shock the Monkey? Well, what kind of money are you going to let me bet with? You don't have any money, so I'm going to have to bet with food in upcoming dinners and lunches. Or breakfasts. Dinners? Lunches.

I've only heard the song through the window. So I can't say for sure all the lyrics, but that word sounds really common. I just feel like I never heard it, cause I'm sheltered. So I probably heard that word on TV a bunch, probably all the time. It's probably everyone's favorite word.

Mm-hmm. So I bet it's in the song. And I'll bet you five dinners it's in the song. So if you win, you get five dinners. And if I lose? I take five, you know, I think breakfast and lunch combines into a dinner, so I'm going to take five breakfasts and five lunches away from you. That seems fair. I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Okay. Final answer. Final answer that propitious is in Shop the Monkey the lyrics. The only way to prove it. Uh-huh, is to recite all of the- You look up the lyrics and you sing it to the best of your ability. Okay, that's fair, that's fair.

You got me there. All right, looking up the lyrics, you don't wanna- Looking up the lyrics. Here we't want to... Looking up the lyrics. Here we go! Here we go. Ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Here we go. Alright. Give me a five, six, seven, eight. Five, six, seven, eight! Cover me

when I run Cover me through the fire Something knocked me out of the trees Where does he shock the monkey? Now I'm on my knees Cover me darling please Monkey, monkey, monkey

Don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey Monkey, fox the fox, rat on the rat. Fox the fox? You can ape the ape. You can? I know about that. He does? There's one thing you must be sure of.

What's that? I can't take anymore, darling. Don't you monkey with the monkey Monkey, monkey, eee, monkey Don't you know you're gonna I gotta blaze through the rest of this Shock the monkey Okay, here we go

Monkey, wheels keep turnin' Monkey, something's burnin' Monkey, don't like it but I guess I'm learnin' Shock, shock, shock, watch the monkey get hurt Monkey, monkey, wheels keep turnin' Monkey, something's burnin' Monkey, don't like it but I guess I'm learnin. Shock! Shock! Shock! Watch the monkey get hurt. Monkey! Monkey! Wheels keep turning, monkey. Something's burning, monkey. Don't like it, but I guess I'm learning. Shock! Shock! Shock!

Watch the monkey get hurt. Monkey! Monkey! Too much at stake, monkey. Ground beneath me, shake monkey. And the news is breaking. Shock! Shock! Shock! Watch the monkey get hurt. Monkey! Shock the monkey! Shock the monkey! Shock the monkey!

Shock the monkey to life! Did you say propitious in there? I never said it. Oh no. Ah. Sorry, Todd. Oh no, I'm really hungry now. Yeah.

Oh wait, did you eat today? No. Yeah, we are taping this at 5 a.m. I didn't eat yet. Yeah. Oh man. I'm really hungry. This is gonna cost you.

I don't feel so good. Wait, don't pass out on me. Oh. Oh my god, he passed out. Look, we have to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have more with Todd. I'm gonna try to... I have some smelling salts here.

Oh wait, this is just regular salt. Well, let me pour it on him. See what it is. Ew! I'm like the Wicked Witch, it hurts! Well, I was pouring it in your eye, and your open wounds I mean a slug I think that Wizard of Oz would have been a better movie if they just like poured salt on her Because she was green like a slug

You know what I mean? Yeah, and then she just shriveled up and like died like a slug Of course I know what you mean when you made me watch that movie you got up in the middle and said You know what I think? And then I kept saying is this this a good stand up bit? Yeah. And was it? Then you said, laugh like you're someone who doesn't

know if anything's funny. Laugh like that. And then pass out when we're doing a show so that I can make a smelling salts regular salt joke. And then forget that you're passed out and just start talking. Yeah, this all happened. Yep, it all happened.

All right, we need to take a break when we come back. We'll have more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Bum-ba-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum Yeah, well, sorry. I need to make sure that you don't get out. I know, but I wasn't even trying to escape this time. Well, you've tried to escape so many times. Ugh. You know, you're like the Birdman of Alcatraz or something. Never seen it, never heard of it. Never will? Never will.

You just did hear of it! Heard from you? Right now? Yeah! I mentioned it! That's not how that stuff counts! So wait, if I mention something, it doesn't count? Like, if you said something like, and I said I never heard of it, you go, you just did. That's so not fair. You should say I just heard of it

when you spoke of it right now. I have to say I had never heard of that until right now when you spoke of it. And now I just have heard of it. Speak proper English young man, that will serve you well. Never on my little life. You do have a little life at this point. When are you going to have a big boy's life?

I don't know. I'll never get older. It sucks. Still in middle school. Forever. I know. You've been here for years. But the babes are babes. Really? A lot of babes? How do you know that reference? Because you dance on your bed every night and say,

shwing, shwing, shwing. I don't even know what it means. Tell me about the babes at middle school. Although I don't really wanna hear about it. They're finally getting tits. Yeah. They all compare and contrasting. And some of them have good hair.

Yeah, some of them don't though. Yeah. But are some of them balding when you say good hair? What does that mean? Like good haircuts? Some of them got like weird haircuts and some of them made strong choices. Some of them just got when you say good hair, what does that mean? Like good haircuts? Some of them got like weird haircuts and some of them made strong choices. Some of them just got nice shiny long hair.

Do some still have like bowl cuts like their little kids? Like when their mom does it. Yeah. Yeah. Some of the younger ones coming in straight out of mom haircut-ville. Yeah. Some of the sixth graders?

Yeah, you could say. Yeah. And where are you? The school. No, I mean what grade? Right. Yeah, okay. Anyway, Todd's here and we need to get to our next school. No, I mean what grade? Right. Yeah, okay. Anyway, Todd's here and we need to get to our next guest. Yeah, we do.

And he is the star of a cable television series about to premiere... What does it premiere? It's either the 21st or the 22nd. Speak into that thing. You know, you have so much show business experience. You think you would know to talk into this. The 21st. 21st of January?

I think so. And it's called Back, Back? Backwards. Backwards. Yeah. It's called Backwards on the Effects Network. So there's a lot of special effects in this show? There's a lot of special effects.

Okay. Are you going to let me watch it? No, of course not. It's a grown-up show, I'm sure. How old are you? Middle school. But what's the specific age? Right.

That could be seventh or eighth grade, right? I don't let him, I don't let him watch YouTube videos with music in it because I know music is a bad influence. No songs. Yeah. And you won't let me watch anything that's supposed to be getting good ratings.

Oh, you can watch this. You'll be fine. Welcome Baskets Galifianakis. Hello. Thank you, Scott. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Sorry about my nephew.

Just. What did I do? Well, just being here, you know? We're supposed to have a professional show business chat here. I'm can be professional. Ask Zach a question. I can be professional.

What did you say? I can be professional. Ask, you wanted to, you begged me to come. I wrote some questions. That's the part we didn't talk about. You begged me to come this morning. I did. And I said you get-

Why you have to humiliate me? You get one day a year in 2016 where you can leave the house without going to school, without it being a school thing. And you really wanna waste it? The second week of January? I didn't think I was wasting it being a school thing. Yeah. And you really want to waste it? The second week of January? I didn't think I was wasting it. I wanted to meet-

This is your only- Only day outside of the house, yeah. Wow. I wanted to meet you, sir. Remember when you met that kid Adam from the OC? Yeah. Yeah, how did that pan out? Wait, did I meet him?

Yeah, you met him, I'm pretty sure. No, I met Eric Andre. Oh wait. And I met Nick Thune, you met him, I'm pretty sure. No, I met Eric Andre. Oh wait. And I met Nick Thune. Who met? I think Tracy Rooney. Oh, met Adam Brody? How do you know Tracy?

Cause I listen to your show cause it's my punishment every night. Well, you'll have a new punishment watching baskets. Go ahead, ask your questions. Fine. Okay, my biggest question was this, and it still is. So it hasn't changed? Hasn't changed since that? Yes, you do, I'm sorry.

I wish you would. Okay. Sir? Sir, please. My question is- He's so polite when company's here. He's so polite, but he's a little terror just around the ass. I see I parted my hair when you walked in.

I noticed. And my bow ties on. So you keep a comb in your back pocket. My dick! Yeah. He's dressed like a fla... You missed the whole first segment. He's dressed like a flapper for...

I was listening to it on my video. Oh, you were? Yeah. Because here's why, because you know that when 2000 started, we started over with the 1900s, and then we'll do every decade the same as... He knows, he knows. I know you know, because you're doing it.

I'm just saying, I'm just explaining why. I don't know why the bow tie on your dick has anything to do every decade the same. He knows. I know you know because you're doing it I'm just saying I'm just explaining. I don't know why the bowtie on your dick has anything to do with the proper. Problem child. Oh okay. Know that movie? I mean I never saw it but yeah. I know the song. I never saw it either. What's the song? Problem child. Oh wait do you want to hear that song? Yeah. He had me almost so cheap, but my pussy's not here Whoa, he wanted me to we made a bet about shock the monkey anyway You only have one okay, I thought you said I could only ask one did but you're not supposed to tell him that question my first of none is Okay, if it was if you were locked up and you were punished,

and someone chained you to their, like a pipe in their bathroom, like in their house. This is not ringing any bells with me, so this is a crazy question as far as I'm concerned, but go ahead. They chained you to a pipe in the bathroom, and they said you could only have one meal this week. Which meal would you pick, breakfast, lunch, or dinner, and what said you can only have one meal this week. Which meal would you

pick? Breakfast, lunch, or dinner? And what would you eat? Are you chained to a toilet? The pipes like up on the wall by the toilet, but it's really hot. I don't know if it goes there. You get one meal a day. I keep hot water in my toilets. So that's... I keep a holy spring in in my toilet You're rich Scott calls the toilet the bubbler. It's always boiling. It's a hot spring It's a natural hot spring. Go to the bubbler again God I gotta find a bubbler. He makes me take upper deckers They disintegrate easy

alright, go ahead and answer his question because I'm dying to know the question is what meal would it Which like would you pick breakfast lunch or dinner and what would you eat? How long how long have she has one been there he gets he gets three minutes to eat it He who's act us or that's oh you do. Oh, I thought it wasn't ringing bells for you, sir I'm saying in this situation in this Oh, I thought it wasn't ringing any bells for you, sir. I'm trying to base this. I'm saying in this situation, in this hypothetical non-alcoholic. This situation is based on what Zach would do,

not what I would do if this was my life every day. And bear in mind, in this situation, whatever the meal is, it gets put into a blender, and he has to eat it and drink it, essentially, within three minutes. Oh, it's brand muffin breakfast, easy. Wow. Yeah, because it can be a two-for-one later. I'll try that. I got your

draft. I got your draft. That was a great question you did very good young man. Thanks I even wrote it in my best cursive. What's your worst cursive if that's your best? You can't read it. Oh my god. Zach, tell us about your upcoming television show. Yeah. Okay, is that? Yeah, tell us about it. Tell us about it. Right now. I wanna know what it's like and what it's about.

Because he's not gonna see it. So you gotta really paint the picture. But that's getting close to a second question. I said with the period, I wanna know what it's like. Oh right, that's a demand. Yeah. question. I just, I said with a period, I wanna know what it's like. Oh right, that's a demand. Yeah. Okay. I get endless demand. The show,

Baskets is about a, you really want me to talk about the show? I would love to hear about this. I'm desperate. Nothing I like better than watching a show, than hearing someone talk about a show. What's your character? I'll just tell you the whole 10 episodes.

Okay, great. No one has to watch it. Okay, good. Who's your character? I'll just tell you the whole 10 episodes. Okay, great. No one has to watch it. Okay, good. Who do you play? His name is Chip. What's that about? He plays a rodeo clown. That's the third question.

Okay, wait, he plays a rodeo clown? No, he is, no. He plays, no, Zach does. Zach does? Zach does. Zach plays Chip who plays a rodeo clown. Right. Okay. And I'm Brian who plays Zach. Okay, does. Zach plays Chip, who plays a rodeo clown. Okay. And I'm Brian, who plays Zach.

Okay, great. In life? In life, right. Right. A lot of people don't know, you, like Jeffrey character Wheaties, have been playing a character this whole time. Who's, who's? Jason Manzougas, that's the actor playing Jason Manzougas.

Oh, his real name is what? Jeffrey character Wheaties. And Jason Manzougkas is a horrible character that he dreamed up one day to get more attention. And he's just like lived in it, like Borat for years now. Jason Manzoukas looks exactly, exactly like my brother's godfather. Really?

What an interesting story. Thank you. If it ends there. That's all. That's it. Great. That's it. I've never heard the like. People who look like other people? Crazy. That's all. That's it. Great. That's it. I've never heard the like.

People who look like other people? Crazy. That's it. Back to baskets. Well, he's Greek, you're Greek. I mean the character. The character. Yeah, of course. Anyway, it's about a rodeo clown.

That's all. Oh, okay. And then we just watch him at work? Yeah, it's just basically him just doing some goofs. Is the basket like a barrel? No, the basket. That's a stupid question. The basket has nothing to do with it.

But you know how rodeo clones. Clones? Wait, there's the idea. Rodeo clones. There's the idea, rodeo clones. Can you ask FX to rescind all of the episodes of Baskets? Cause you're gonna wanna reshoot this thing. Rodeo clones. It's like a Battlestar Galactica kind of.

That's why I meant to say that. Yeah. What do you think? I'm thinking about it. So there could be like, it's like multiplicity meets, you know, Battlestar Galactica meets, you know, what was that Matthew McConaughey film, the $5 club? It's the one where the-

The Mile High Club? Wait, no, it's called Brokeback Mountain. It's the Mile High Club where he gets aids from having sex with a stranger off of an airplane for five bucks. For five bucks. Um... Do you think they call it Brokeback Mountain

because they broke their backs from fucking? Jesus Christ. Todd, come here, I gotta spank you You know that if you use that kind of humor by the way Zack I apologize because Todd came to me last night, and he said I got a joke Do you think I could be a stand-up comic? Don't hear it and that was it you just heard it And he says I'm he says I'm gonna try this again. I'm gonna try this out on Zack tomorrow How the set starts and maybe Zack will let me open up for him on his tour And he says, I'm gonna try this out on Zach tomorrow.

And maybe Zach will let me open up for him on his tour. I said, no, it's not gonna happen. Here's how I would do it if I was on your tour. Hey everyone, thanks for listening. I just had a question. Did they call it broke back mountain because those two guys broke their backs from fucking on a mountain? because those two guys broke their backs from fucking on a mountain? I think, I think maybe you could close with it.

I think he's gonna have to open and close with it. That's the only joke he's ever told. Look, I think if you bookend it, it'll work. Wait, bookend it with a different broke back mountain joke? No, you gotta do 25 minutes in between. Oh, boy. Yeah. And then I do the joke again?

Yeah. And that's it. And then I do the joke again? Yeah. And that's it. And then you leave. I got a question. Did you not laugh because you're a comedian and you just say that's funny and stuff when you know it's funny? Like you analyze it structurally?

No, I laugh if I really think it's funny. I'm a laugher. OK. I wish I didn't ask that. But you're young. I mean, for someone so young, that's a really, really strong joke. What was your first joke? Do you remember it?

I remember my sister wrote a joke years ago when she was a child. So you stole your first joke? No, I just, no, it wasn't that good. Well, let's hear it. It's racist. It's not racist. It's against Polish people. Scalpel Lakers? Oh, that's not racist. Scalpel of people. Oh, that's not racist. Scott will love it. Well, um...

Greg, shut up. Well, she wrote it, why did the Polak put his underwear on backwards? She was like, four. And I said, why? And she goes, uh, because he didn't have a front. That was the joke. Because he... I liked it. Sounds like you have a joke number two here. Alright, I'll do that. First I'll do broke back, I'll make a little set list.

Broke back, Polock. Broke back. And I'll make the Polock one last 25 minutes. Yeah, just by speaking very slowly. And I'll tell it to each audience member. And then after you ask the question, why did he do this, you just have a long pause where they contemplated for a long time. This is a solid, solid opening chunk.

I feel good. I'm'm gonna go to an open mic if you'd ever let me out. No, this is your one day that you get, and you're wasting it here on Zach Alifanac. I'm not wasting it, I like his company. He's not gonna help you. He's not? No, he's not gonna let you.

Don't you ever help fledgling comedians? I know you have this fantasy of he's gonna rescue you away from the pipe, but it's not happening. Forget it. Oh, the pipe, that was's not happening. Forget it. Oh the pipe. That was No in both ways both ways. He makes me do crack and I make him do crack I like how it feels, but I don't like being forced to do it. It's never too early to start your crack dependency I never thought I'd grow up to be a junkie Well, you haven't grown up yet. I just never thought I would right now. You're a young junkie. No, but when I got big, I was a junkie as an adult.

Oh, really? Yeah. You don't know that about, he made a wish on a wishing machine. I made a wish, I got big. He got big for a while. Oh no, I didn't even have a junkie. Well, I just was my grownup self, and you better believe I was homeless doing crack cocaine.

But then you made, how'd you get reverted back to yourself right now? I fell in the machine again, but it was unplugged, but I still made the wish, and the chick I was banging drove me home. But now he's small, but he still has a big view. My dick's big, big. Wanna see? No, okay.

On Zip. Oh, gosh. Zip. That thing is. It's gone before you saw it. Yeah, it's like a perfect square, it's as long as it is wide. They call it a chode.

Oh. Who's they? Who are you showing this thing to, besides Zach and me? People on YouTube. I don't know about this. All right, we have to take a break. I think we've heard so much about baskets at this point that we don't need to hear anymore.

I want more. When we come back, we're going to have more from Todd, more from Zach, and we have another guest. Boy, what a packed show this is. Amazing. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang. No, no, no. Yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no. Comedy Bang Bang, we're another guest. Boy, what a packed show this is, amazing. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang. Yeah. Yeah.

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with Zach Galifianakis and my nephew Todd. Hmm. That was, sorry Zach. Oh me. Gosh. Clear your throat, okay good. Now you gotta have your regular voice back.

Anyway, Todd. Now Todd's despondent because I think he realizes he wasted his one day out because during the break, Zach just like sat there not talking to anyone. Yeah. And Todd was trying to get his attention. I was doing a lot. You're doing somersaults and cartwheels and back flips.

I just learned somersaults. Yeah, it's weird that you learned back flips before somersaults. I'm weird. Some might call a back flip the backward somersault of the sea. I learn anything backwards. I learn everything backwards and I learn all backwards things first. Is that why you tried anal sex that one day?

Todd and I have no secrets. He tells me everything. He makes me. It's pillow talk, he says. We go home at night. I make him listen to my podcast that day. He puts me in his Widow Cool Ops nightgown. The Widow Howl Ops.

Anyway, do you have one more fact about Baskets? Me? Before we get to our next guest? No. What time is it on? I don't know. That's a good question. It's probably at 10, I bet.

I don't know. You don't know? No. You don't know. What number is it on? I don't know. That's a good question. You don't know? It's probably a 10, I bet. I don't know. You don't know? No. You don't know. What number is FX? What channel is that? So I can tell you. I think it's channel two.

Channel two. Yeah. Just turn on channel two. I think it's on at 5.30 PM on channel two. On channel two? Okay, great. And if it's not baskets, I'm sure you'll love whatever it is.

Yeah. We have to get to our next guest. He is a, described here as a U.S. citizen. Oh, that's nice. Please welcome Don Darling. Hey. Hello. Hey.

Good. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm good. It's so nice to meet you. Yeah, it's nice to meet you. You're a U.S. citizen?

Yeah, of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Oh, okay. Sheboygan. This is Zach. This is Todd. Hi, Sheboygan. Nice to meet you. I mean, Todd. Hi Shaboogan. Nice to meet you. I mean, I've been watching you guys the whole time because I've been sitting here without being addressed. Yeah, what did you think of his penis? It's man-sized. Yeah, it's a man's square man-sized penis. Gee, thanks. It's not a compliment. It's merely an observation. Okay, can I make an observation? Sure. You suck. I've enjoyed watching your nephew just take you to town. Yeah, well, I don't know.

He takes me to town at home. That's what he calls it. Well, we live in town. When I drive you home, I say, I'm gonna take you to town. That's not inaccurate. I'm sorry, Zach. I don't mean to be doing this in front of you.

Don, we just met, so I'm not sorry yet. If we become closer, I'll apologize, Zach. I don't mean to be doing this in front of you. Don, you know, we just met so I'm not sorry yet. Yeah, if we become closer, I'll apologize to you. Yeah, looking forward to that. Yeah. Anyway, what's your deal, Don? Well, I own three, I own all three Culver's in Sheboygan. Whoa. What is Culver's? What is Culver's? Culver's Culver's is a fast food chain known for its butter burgers and its custard, frozen custard. Butter burgers. Yeah, she took me there when I was little. Oh, frozen custard. Butter burgers. I miss my mommy. She took me there when I was little. Where? Because she's from out here.

We were on a trip. Where did you guys go? In Illinois. Oh, okay. Why were you in Illinois? Because we were seeing where the Native Americans began. Okay, okay, all right. I know you love talking about that.

Yeah, I never got to explain the flag really either. What are butter burgers? Butter burgers are ground beef patties that are cooked in a butter sauce He likes grounded beef credit me at Alright, so you own three of these things is that have you ever been to a Culver's? No, I haven't no Never even heard of a butter burger. Yeah, I've heard of frozen custard, certainly. Okay, I mean... I've heard of Wisconsin. Yeah, they're all over Wisconsin, Illinois, the Midwest.

I've barely heard of Sheboygan. Sheboygan. Previous to him talking about it, of course. Sheboygan's a nice town. It's a fine town. But I came on today because my sugar baby, I'm a sugar daddy, and my sugar baby recently moved. Wait, wait, wait, wait, what's this now? I'm a sugar daddy and my sugar baby recently wait wait wait wait. What's this now? I'm a sugar daddy You're what I'm a sugar daddy is that does is there some sort of Wisconsin meaning to that no

I'm a sugar daddy. I like to I like to spoil. I like to pamper ladies I like I you know I I collect sugar babies, and I pampered them and I spoiled them I collect sugar babies, and I pampered them and I spoiled them This me what is this so you like ladies yes Ladies I would imagine that you kind of sponsor if you will hey sponsor. That's great Yeah, these are all good. These are all good Keywords for a Boolean search about sugar daddies where you can find out more go to your library and do a Boolean sir What is going on with you? sugar daddies where you can find out more go to your library and do a bully answer what was the last time you were at the library it's a keyword search bully and search yeah bo o lea you guys have had so much problem with regular words on this okay I don't know I'm not I don't know anything that you're talking

about other than I have heard your sugar daddy I got a question. Uh-huh. So um, by the way, he came to me last night He said I know you're having a sugar daddy on I Said okay, you're gonna waste your day, but at least it's a double up Oh, okay. All right one question for you. All right Do you only pamper young ladies or do you pamper young gentleman as well? No, I only go with ladies, but I don't cast dispersions on anything else. He's not gonna save you, Todd. Aww.

Where are you groaning? Say groan. Groan! Like I taught you. God, I'm such a comic strip. Act. Um. I hate that bitch.

Kathy? Yeah. She needs to get it together. Oh, man. Date that curly-haired guy, why don't you? Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean? What about bitch. Kathy? Yeah. She needs to get it together. Oh man. Date that curly haired guy, why don't you? Yeah.

You know what I mean? What about John and Odie? What's his last name? John Arbuckle, right? Yeah. Yeah, Arbuckle. I think I'm going to forget that in the future. On purpose?

Yep. Garfield's well known in Wisconsin on account of his love of lasagna, which has one main He's well known everywhere! Well, he's especially well, well, I don't travel outside of Wisconsin much. Oh, you don't? I just know how big he is there. Oh, okay.

Wisconsin loves Garfield, not a big fan of Farside because they poke fun at cows. Oh, I see. The cheese and lasagna is what you- Cheese and lasagna. There are also cheese curds at Culver's restaurants. Is Gary Larson still alive? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Was he crazy? Is he opening for you, Zach? Do you have butter lasagna? Still alive. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes Do you have butter lasagna? Who that's a one of our that's an upcoming custard flavor of the day? Oh On your custard. Yeah, I like to mix it up with my three franchises last week was beef and blueberries Got chicken tenders and marshmallow fluff, apricots and tater tats. That one almost rhymes, kind of. But wait, those are different kinds of custards or those are? Those are custard flavors. So you take those ingredients or the essence of those ingredients,

you mix them with frozen custard, you pulverize them, or you chop them up in a concrete mixer, or you pulverize them in a shaker malt, or you just jam them in in a cone. Just jam them in. In a cone, or a, you know, we got small, medium, large. Have you ever thought about this? Here's what I think. Okay, if you're eating a burger, right, why not put dessert in the middle of the burger? Like why not cook a custard or like a cupcake or something

in the middle of the burger? That way you're like, once you're done with the burger and you get to the middle, then you have dessert. What about the other half? I would put it at the end of a hot dog or something because a burger, you don't eat a burger like round. You don't? No. I do.

Nobody does. He makes me eat it like that. Don't try to show off for your podcast. He puts me on a sit and spin and holds the hamburger in front of my face. The hamburger is stationary. Oh, okay, well. And when I say sit and spin... He puts me on his finger and spins me around, just like a little elf.

With a healthy sexual appetite, this nephew's gonna... Oh, I know, yeah. It's just getting worse, too, every passing day. Oh, man. Insatiable. No, that's a good idea. Did you know if you eat around any kind of sandwich, burger or otherwise, Sandwiches are round, normally, other than the square ones.

Right, but even the square ones, you eat around- Why aren't sandwiches triangles? What sandwich is round? Hamburger sandwiches! That's not a sandwich! A club sandwich is triangle. A club sandwich is- A club? Yeah, you're right. Oh, okay. There we go. Every sandwich has a hard edge, and a hamburger's not a sandwich.

Wait, you think something that qualifies as a sandwich just has a hard edge? I think it has to have bread and meat inside. Uh... Me at. Yeah. All right, we're getting wildly off topic. What's up with your sugar babies,

and tell me what they look like? Well, most of them, most of them, I mean... God, your flapper dress has a strange bump in it. That's a boner. A little square silhouette popping out there. Not an iPhone, that's for sure. Can't get one of those. Those are, they haven't come out with a square one of those.

It's like a sundial. I tell ya, when they come out with a square iPhone, call me on it. What time is it? Call you on it? Uncle Scott. I have to buy one and then call you on it? And mail it to me and then call me on it and I'll answer it. Uncle Scott.

Yes, yes, Todd. Put on your flash set on your phone and then point it at me and then tell me what time it is. Okay. Yep, it's 513. Yep. Yep. All right.

Tell us about your sugar daddies. I feel like we just glossed over that, although that's the weirdest thing that you've said. I don't have any sugar daddies. I have sugar babies. Babies. So, my recent sugar baby baby I try to only have one at a time. I've been accused of collecting sugar babies that look strikingly like the female members of my family. I pay no attention to that. But who's accusing you the female members of your family? No guys they're jealous. My

friends they're jealous. Oh know, I'm 46. Are you friends with other sugar daddies? I'm the only one in Sheboygan, and I don't leave town much. Okay. Is it because you're the only wealthy guy in Sheboygan? Well, I do own three culvers in CrossFit Sheboygan, which I never set foot in.

CrossFit Sheboygan? Yeah. Really, and you don't go in there? Look at this belly. I mean, I have been. It's hard to miss. I've only been looking at it, by the way. Yeah.

It stinks at your face My undershirt. Oh, hey, are your eyes up there? Yeah He was looking at your nipples and belly button and thought you were talking It's been rolling around like Santa Claus. Hey, Ackerman. My eyes are up here. All right. All right. Stop oogling my belly All right, oogling. Yeah oogling What do you say? I say ogling ogling.? What do you say, Todd? I say looking. You better say ogling. Ogling, whatever daddy says.

Ow! Zach, what do you say? Googling. Googling. Okay, yeah. Boolean-ing, was it? Boolean, yeah. I have been Boolean-ing your belly.

Google is a universal Boolean search. Okay. Yeah. It uses keywords. And now it uses algorithms, but at first it just used keywords. Really? That was the Wild West of Google. Oh my gosh, remember those days?

So now that's how it can guess what I'm saying even when I have all sorts of typos, because I'm trying to do it really fast. Yeah, exactly. What are you Googling, Todd? You shouldn't be Googling anything. Why don't you look at your search history? Oh no, what am I going to find there? Jared Fogle. What? Nude?

I was just curious. No, not nude. Just curious about the case. Wow, why? Did he? Wait, he hasn't been contacting you, has he? No! I was just curious about his case! Why? Why are you so curious about him? Because it's in the news and I never get to know any current events. I wanted to be able to make jokes about it in my set. Well, so you're definitely opening for me? Yeah. Okay. During the break when you were in the bathroom and then when you were ignoring me completely,

Uncle Scott said he promised I got to open for you. Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. Here's what he said. Is that all right, Zach? Brokeback, Polak. Jared Fogel? Just Jared.

I just use one word to remind myself what I'm gonna talk. Oh, okay, so you don't have to put Fogel. Jared. And then broke back. Yeah, that's good. That works. Okay. I dabble in stand-up comedy. You do? Really? If you ever come through Sheboygan and you want an opening act.

Yeah, what kind of... do you have any material that maybe I could hear? Yeah, of course. It's mostly jokes about myself, self-defecation. Self-what? Self-defecation. I always have to self-defecate if I can't get in the bathroom. I've never let anyone else defecate for me. It's always self-defecation. So usually it starts with something like, what's 46 has a little bit of a belly and bird legs. Me, my name's Don Darling, how's it going everybody? And then it's crowd work.

Just crowd work for how long? Uh, 40 minutes. Is that a standard opener? That's, that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. And then did you have any other jokes or is that it? Is that? Well, I work them into the crowd work.

Oh, okay. So I say like, you sir, I see you got a hat over there. What's uh, 46 has a collection of brewers, bucks, packers, hats at home. Me. Hey, I'm Don Darling. What's your name? I think you're giving away that it's you by saying 46. And you always say, hey, I'm Don Darling, even though everyone knows, you don't have to say hi twice.

Yeah, we already talked about this earlier. You don't have to say hi twice. Well, here's, all right, so I don't mean to- Especially if you're just doing your set coming off the bathroom. Yeah. Taking a number two. I always come out, yeah, come raging out of the bathroom after a number two. Do you time, yeah, Zach I come raging out of the bathroom after a number two.

Do you time, yeah, Zach, do you time your shits to be right before your set? Well, we can put a toilet on stage if that'll make you feel better. Ooh, I might get number two trigger shy. Yeah, with an audience switch. I could pee anywhere, but if you're asking me to defecate in front of a crowd of expecting audience, comedy audience. Plus, that would step on a lot of my material so yeah The toilet I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want to poop in your prop toilet that you use for your set

What's that a prop? No? Oh, you got a dig it dig a hole functional toilet Yeah, I might feel comfortable upper dead. There's only four stages in the US that have a proper draining for a stage toilet Where where are they? Tour in Madison. Really? I don't go there. Too liberal. Too liberal.

And Madison Square Garden. Walk her till you die. Walk her till I die. I got enough of these people saying he looks like Elmer Fudd. I got enough of these people myself. Yeah, I got enough of them. No, he's good. He didn't make it too very far in the race though

That's cuz we're not the nation isn't ready for his policies. Yeah, okay Well, you know, this isn't a political show. Tell us about your sugar babies. Okay. All right So well, the most recent one is 24 and just left to get a nursing degree Yeah, how long were you keeping her? That was about six months. Six months. But I gotta explain something. I don't own her, I don't keep her, she comes and goes as she pleases. Sure, but a kept woman is the expression. Yes. You do like things kept. Eyebrows up, eyebrows down. Eyebrows up, eyebrows down. You don't have to narrate his facial expressions. Whistle, but no noise coming out of mouth. Eyebrows up, eyebrows down.

Okay, please stop. Hands in pockets, pelvis thrust forward, pelvis thrust backward. Tippy toes, eyebrows up, eyebrows down. Todd, you're acting very weird, by the way. I'm sort of glad he's narrating you. Yeah. Because this is a very strange way to act. I'm trying to look like that wolf when he sees a woman.

Tongue licking the top lip, tongue licking the bottom lip. Imagining woman turning into turkey, oh my God. You can see my thoughts? Wait, look at this one. Oh, hey, it's me getting butt fucked. You see what you wanna see, I guess. I saw it too, I saw it too, Todd. Oh boy, you were taking a beating.

Anyway, so she's 24 and okay, don't be older than 24. Don't be, what? Yeah, gross. Anyone in the world don't be older than 24? If you wanna be my sugar baby, don't be older than 24. So when she turned 24, did you let her out of the stable, so to speak? It was one of those mutual agreements.

You know how Tom Coughlin, New York Giants head coach and Gene Mara, owner of New York Giants, had mutual agreement that he would resign? You're gonna stop me right there? No, but go ahead. Okay, well I wasn't done. It would have clicked after a second. Oh, okay, sorry, go ahead.

Anyway, so mutual parting of the ways she said I wanna go. I had not heard that previously to you saying it. Oh, that's a common expression now. Yep, it sure is. So it was a mutual thing. She said I want to be I said how far are you away from? 25 she said I'm a couple weeks also. I'm gonna go become a nurse. I said bye She's a couple weeks from 25. Yeah, so that's a deal breaker. Wow. Yeah, yes I don't feel good. What's wrong Todd? I need sustenance

I'm sorry, but you don't get to eat We've made that bet before Zach came in that you don't get to. What's wrong, Todd? I need sustenance. I'm sorry, but you don't get to eat. We made that bet before Zach came in that you don't get to eat for the next five days. I saw some of your workers outside eating food from the fridge. So? That's not your food. That's their food. But they looked at me like they felt bad.

They said I could have some. I don't think so. I want to do it. No, Todd. I'm going to do it. No, Todd. I'm doing it. Todd.

I'm standing up for myself for once and for all.'m gonna do it. No, Todd! I'm doing it! I'm standing up for myself for once and for all! This is so weird, Todd is just lying on the ground and we're seeing the outline of his soul rising up into heaven. This is so strange. I'm gonna go get food for my body! Oh my god, Todd don't go into the light! I'm doing it!

Todd! No! Todd! Am I dying? Is this a fridge? Todd, no! That's not a fridge, that's heaven! I'll see you at the pottery place. See you, Todd.

Bye, Todd. Oh my gosh. Todd's dead. Wow. Oh, this is terrible. Yeah. Todd died. Geez.

In the words of my uncle, didn't expect that to happen. What happened to your uncle? Well, he just, he gets shocked easily. Like a monkey? Yeah, shock the monkey. I love that part of the podcast. I think you should loop that every once in a while

through boring parts. Yeah, wait a minute, what parts do you think are boring parts? Huh? What parts do you think are boring parts? Any parts where you can't hear my teehee on the mic. Teehee? I don't think I've heard one.

Tee-hee? Were you muting my mic? Not nice, Sockerman. Oh my gosh. Well, now that my nephew is dead, tell me about these sugar babies. What, I mean... Well, I'm not a traditional sugar daddy. First of all, I'm not just going to spread cash around because I think that's, you know,

it spoils the soul. But I do give out gift cards to Culver's. Gift cards. OK, to these sugar babies. Yeah. So using a baseball analogy that we all use, that we all know as guys. I don't know. First base, second base, third base home runs.

Oh, sure, sure. Ground rule double. Yeah. Block. Foul. Triple play. Uh-huh. Yeah. Grandstands? Yeah, grandstands. Box seats? Yeah, pure peanuts. Uh-huh.

Yeah. We talked about those last week. Yeah, all these things. Yeah, all these common expressions, sure. As guys that we all use to describe sexual acts. If you get to First Base with me, you get a $10 gift certificate to Culver's. Okay, and what do you consider to be first base? Is that just a smooch or is it a like tongue kissing?

Kissing, hand holding. Hand holding. Yeah. Zach, what do you consider to be first base? Like a peck or two on the lips maybe. Like a peck or two? Like a peck or two. Wait, you like two peckers on your lips and you call that first base? That's what I meant to say.

Geez. I hate to see what a home run is. On the cheek is his first base. Second base for me is kissing closer to the lips. Wait, in between those two peckers? Third base is maybe French kiss. Maybe. Maybe.

Not even like definitely. And a home run is heavy petting. And when you say heavy petting, what exactly are you talking about? It's like a shoulder rub. Keep it wholesome till you're married. Yeah, till you're married. And you are married.

Yes. So now how many women are you sleeping with? Right now, well, I'm kind of interested in this. If she's not with you anymore, this woman that... Yeah, is she available? Yeah, is she available? She's at UW Eau Claire getting her RN certificate. Okay.

Do you have a photo or? Yeah, not to be shallow. But why you you're pulling out an 8 by 10 glossy. Yeah, there you go. So wait, that's my sister There we go. Oh, oops. No, that's my mom. Wait, there we go. Okay. No, that's my cousin Marie. Okay Okay, there we go. Look alike. Wow. These are all very similar looking women. Yeah. Okay. There she is That's her right that she looks just like all three of the previous women. Well, go with what you know, Scott. What do you mean, what you know? Go with what you know.

The women you've been around your whole life, you mean? Yeah, okay, getting spooked easily runs in the family. So if I invite... Boo! Ah, oh my God, didn't expect that. I'm going to let your uncle, famous uncle... It is a good saying. He sounds like a wise man.

Yeah, he's good. Or an idiot, I can't tell. He didn't expect something, so maybe he's not smart. He was a linebackers coach for the Packers. Really? Yeah. In what years? Super Bowl I and II?

Yep, Super Bowl I and II. Wow. Uh-huh. He's friends with Bart Starr. Really? Yeah. With who? Bart Starr. With who? Bart Starr.

With who? Bart Starr. With who? God damn it. Bart Starr. With who? Bart Starr. With who? Bart Starr.

Oh, got it, got it, got it. Christ. MVP of Super Bowl one and two. Yes, we know that. Of course. We just didn't hear you. Don't make the reference if you can't make more follow-up references and the first reference. Thank you. Yes.

Are you listening, Zach? That's a good point. Don't make the reference unless you can make follow-up references. To your first point? Yeah. On the reference. Yeah.

So I've only seen Temple of Doom once. I'm not going to shoot off my mouth about Temple of Doom. OK. What do you think of Temple of Doom? Three out of four. It's the third out of four. Raiders? No, I'm not asking you what you think it is in this series.

Oh. Sequentially. It's two out of four in sequentially. Oh, okay, wait, so you're saying three out of four stars? No, I'm saying it's one, two, three, four. Well, sequentially it's first out of four. Huh? Chronologically, it's first out of four. Oh? Chronologically, it's first out of four.

Oh, that's right. In terms of the series, it's the second film. Why'd they do that? Yeah, I don't know. Why'd they do that? I'm sorry, Zach, but I like indie films. Why did they do that? It's not okay.

That's not good. Anyway, of the ranking. Because they clearly aged. Harrison Ford was clearly like two, three years older. There's a part in there where he runs to go like unlock something and he looks... Right into the camera. Yeah.

And he says, I'm three years older. This is hard. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. It's a weird choice. Anyway, I'm not... So even that exhausted my knowledge of Temple of Doom.

Sure, yeah. But Last Crusade. Last Crusade, you can make some references. The book is in Berlin, you know? Zach, what do you think of that one? I'm still thinking about the sugar babies. Sorry, I just have a lot of- Well, the book is in Berlin.

The book is in Berlin. All I have to do is squeeze, all I have to do is scream. No ticket. These are all quotes. Suddenly I remembered my Charlamagne. Have you seen any of Zach's films, by the way? Hangover One, Two, and Three? Hangover Two was a prequel as well, was it not? I don't recall. A prequel to Indiana

Jones. Right, yes, yeah. I gotta be honest I haven't. You've never seen one of his films? Until they make a fourth one I'm not gonna see it. Because then you'll know it's like a legitimate thing. Yeah. And it's worth it. The fourth one. Well I've got news for you. Really? Yeah, they want to break on the cast. Is that what you call it? I hate when you call me and say, well, you do the cast. I hate that, Scott. Hey, do you want to slip on in the cast?

You want to know more about these sugar babies. Yeah, I do. Yeah, tell us about them. So where do you meet them? Did you tell us that? I meet them online. I got a Weebly page. What's a Weebly page?

I don't know any of your internet references. It's a platform for online websites. Oh, okay. Weebly. It's easy to, it's free, and it's easy to edit yourself if you're an amateur. Do you know HTML? Yeah, a bit. Oh, do you?

Really? Only because Weebly makes it so easy. Okay, great. Yeah. Well, we're a Squarespace podcast here. Sorry, cast. Right, the cast. We're a Squarespace cast around these parts.

I don't know why you thought that was so funny. It's killing me, though. I appreciate it. All right, go ahead. Tell us about these sugar babies. Down in my soul. That one got me. It wasn't a joke, but go ahead.

My comedy furnace is down here, and you chucked a couple logs down it. Alright, alright. So it's burning hot. So, what do you want to know? I told you my methods of compensation. Can I ask a more personal question? Your accent, it's, what is your background? Are you white?

I can't tell. I'm looking at your belly and it's closed. I'm white. Which part are you? European? Yeah, European. Originally, or are you from Wisconsin? Well, we traced it. I'm seventh generation Wisconsin. And then before that that two generations were in

the UP in Houghton where Michigan Tech is at. So you know that reference. Yeah yeah Houghton you guys ever been to the UP? I have. Great cherries. I went to see UP once. You saw UP? That first 25 minutes is so sad. Scott... God damn it. God damn it. Then when the dog, the talking dog is coming, it loses a little bit of it for me. Woo! I'm laughing through my anger. But is it uh... You're angry? Yeah.

What part of Europe would your people be from? Sweet... Alright. Swedish. No, he's just saying sweet. I finally got that question. Sweet. I got the question. Norway. Finland. Denmark. I got the question. Norway, Finland, Denmark, Albania, from where Jim Belushi is from. Not a brag. No, Western France, Belgium, Flemish country, Basque region, a little bit of Portuguese, which you can see in my cheeks. Yeah, they're very ruddy.

Yeah, ruddy Portuguese. That guy's ruddy like a Portuguese. You know, I was on. Was that your uncle? Yeah. Yeah, his name was, we call it, well, once he got. Wait, is that the original thing of what he did not expect, was someone's ruddy cheeks?

Yeah. Someone's ruddy cheeks. He's ruddy like a Portuguese. Did not expect that. Did not expect that. Wow. Which he shortened later Portuguese. Did not expect that. Did not expect that. Wow. Which he shortened later to didn't expect that. Two different sayings.

Yeah. Well, that's economical of him. And his name's Rudy, and his middle name's Portuguese. Really? His last name's Darling, but we pronounce it ruddy. OK. So this is a very interesting story, Zach, as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah. Did that answer any? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me just finish writing this down. Yeah, OK. Hey, don't turn this into a- You've only written the first word down. Well, I've got. Yeah. Did that answer any? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me just finish writing this down. Yeah, okay Hey, don't turn this only written the first word down. Well, I'm gonna finish Don't turn this into some kind of trilogy that you make millions of bucks off The Don Darling trilogy Don Darling one. He's also he's always doing research for his care

Yeah, yeah, can I can I say something? How come movies and trilogies don't have one next to them? Yeah, not optimistic. I think they should go back and Can I say something? How come movies and trilogies don't have one next to them? Are people not optimistic? I think they should go back and re-title it. I think I've talked about this on the show before. They should call it Superman 1 or Star Wars 4 or whatever it is. Yeah.

I hope Hangover 4 is about you guys getting a good drink of water. I bet you hear that one all the time. I hope you guys are fully hydrated. Yeah, for the fourth one. Yeah, we get that a lot. Because I'm tired of like watching these movies, Zach, and you're always thirsty and you're always going, does anyone have any water? Yeah. You know, I mean, the third one was practically all just that. Yeah. And finally you found that well. Yeah, thank God we found the well.

Okay, now I don't have to see this. You gotta see the fourth one. We're making it right now. Really? Yeah. Wow, we're to see this. Well, you gotta see the fourth one. We're making it right now. Really? Oh, really? Wow, we're breaking some news! Well, I thought it was known. Oh, okay. Yeah, we're making it right now. Okay, I know one of the cast didn't return. The two of them. It's just me. It's just you? Yeah. Okay. And is it Justin Bartha as well?

He's not in any... He's not in any... Even he? You're the only one who doesn't have any standards? I just decided this is the best path for me right now. All right, well, is there anything to know, else to know about your sugar babies? Yeah, I mean, you know, okay, well, usually I go down the line and I say, you know, do I? I thought you kept only one at a time.

I do. So when you say go down the line, what do you mean? He's done with one right now. Well, so got to get the word out about what I like, okay, you know and and so I you know I don't like people there are FAQs on my Weebly website. Okay frequently asked questions Yes, not cursing Zach. Don't worry. No actually formerly asked questions. Oh formerly asked questions Yeah, and they also every single question that's ever been asked gets put on the FAQ? No, just the ones that have been formally asked repeatedly. So that's frequently asked questions.

Okay. Because if someone clicks on your thing expecting formerly asked questions, and doesn't see one that's been formally asked, they're gonna be PO'd, man! Okay, alright. Well, maybe I'll change it, but I don't go into your bathroom and steal your hot water from your toilet It's a good point. He doesn't or do you know I've noticed hot water has been missing. No, okay. Are you sure? I'm positive. I've never this is my first time in Los Angeles. Okay. I'm going to staying I'm staying in West Covina and I'm spending most day. Yeah. Yeah, if you come to LA you gotta stay in West Covina

I'm right by the Irwindale Speedway Were you tempted to go to Culver City at all? Just cuz yeah, just cuz you own so many Culvers Is that the mothership? Flagship stores there right here. Oh my god. You don't know that no, I inherited my three stores from my uncle Do you ever go to the stores? Is that where you meet the sugar? Oh, you meet them online. Well a lot of them come into the but honestly and Wait if you're giving out gift certificates sure they're gonna come in. Yeah, that's not all I give out. Wait What else do you give out? Home Run gets a $50 gift certificate and my own personal custard. Yeah my own custard for dessert

Uh-huh and two peckers. At the end of a hot dog. Two peckers on the lips well I'm afraid we're gonna have to go to one of our final features here. It's a little something called plugs plugs We doing a plug theme This is your music to the things you're supposed to plug? Well it's a theme and then we're going to plug things. Okay. Yeah. So we wait for it to be over. Oh boy, this feels like the last ten minutes of this show.

I mean, is this the lead up to the plugs? This is what- Turn it off, I don't want to hear this anymore. Oh god, I barely want to credit the plugs. This is what- Turn it off! I don't want to hear this anymore. Oh, God, I barely want to credit the person. That's Uncaring Plugs theme by Krunktoffer? Guys, it's 2016. Try harder. Oh. Oh, somebody submitted that.

Yes. Oh, thank God. Oh, my God. I thought it was something you'd been working on for a while. All right, guys, what are we plugging? Zach, what do you have to plug? You want people to watch this thing, right? Yes, baskets.

You called me up and said I desperately want people to watch this. No, no, you called me and said someone dropped into your podcast. And you said you would come late. And I ran from Venice. You should take a car next time. I was so panicked not to get here on time. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Yes, please, channel 2 here on time. I appreciate it. But um, yes, please Channel to channel to five thirty five thirty p.m. Every day daily daily and according and also Saturday and Sundays

Yeah, three seven days a week five thirty and Todd's dead and What do you want to plug here Don? Obviously the Culver's? Yeah, the Culver's off highway CrossFit the CrossFit. The CrossFit Cheboygan. So yeah, if you're in there. But a good friend of mine who I follow on Twitter, Tim Balz, on Twitter, at Tim underscore Balz on Twitter.

Love that guy's comedy. Mostly it's just reposting articles that I get tagged, he gets tagged in. Why are you confusing yourself with this guy, Timbalt? He looks like a family member. And the first time I saw him I said, didn't expect that. Yeah. Right, yeah, ruddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, he's in the show upcoming on CISO TV,

which is NBC Digital's platform, cleverly named CISO. It's a digital platform so That's launching in March the beta version is out and he's on the show called the real versions out there Oh it is. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god just came out on Thursday. What show is this? This is bajillion dollar properties I think you're talking about yeah, Zack. You're gonna be on the show. I believe that was fun to do Yes, and the person that you follow in Twitter's on that He tweeted about watching you on the monitors in the scenes that you did and how funny they were.

Oh, man. I love reading tweets. I'll have to look that one up. Yeah. He deleted them. He was embarrassed. Too bad. That's not going to go in your favorite tweet, Seth.

Oh, man. Oh, damn it. Well, that's great. What do I want to plug? I want to plug, you know, Comedy Bang Bang TV show. When does that start? We start filming in a couple of weeks, and in a couple of weeks I'm going to announce our new band leader, so that'll be fun.

You have another one? Yeah, we have a new one. Band leader number three will be coming in. Do you know who it is yet? I do, and I will be announcing this person in a couple of weeks, I think. That's exciting. Very exciting. Will you be able to tell me who it is? I will tell you privately and publicly.

I will tweet it. Yes, thank you. I know how much you love tweeting. I love Twitter wars more than anything. Oh, I love that. That's what I like. I like when the news talks about it. Let's close up the old plug bag for 2016.

Here we go. Go listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna get my info out. Gonna get my jobs all talked about. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. Gonna listen to some plugs. That's good. That's really good. That's of course Ben Schwartz and Horatio Sans and me singing and I fucked up last week and I thought we were recording the plugs themes for before we listened to them and instead we were recording the end. Theme. Yeah. Anyway, so we're stuck with that for a year.

But speaking of stuck with for a year, I feel like I've been stuck with you guys for just about that long. Lovely to be stuck with you guys. Nice to meet you, man. Don. Nice to meet you, Don, and Zach, nice to hang out with you. Thanks for having me. I feel terrible about... I should really text my sister about this, but I can wait. Alright, we'll see you next week. Thanks, bye! A-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-