Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bridger Winegar, Paul F. Tompkins, Lamar Woods

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Writer and podcaster Bridger Winegar joins Scott to talk about the gifts he’s received on his podcast I Said No Gifts!, $25 dollar bills, and his favorite app. Then, manager/producer Sprague the Whisperer returns to make a big announcement. Plus, a young player making moves by the name of Dre Wonka stops by to talk about what he’s owed by the Wonka family.

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enema. Last night, if it all went well, way before that, if it didn't go well, we will see. But we are back in Los Angeles and ready to serve you once again with wonderful episodes all throughout the year. Did I say my name is Scott Arkham and I hope I did. Coming up a little later on the show, we have a manager slash producer that we're getting a little look behind the scenes of show business.

This is exciting. We also have, and this is what he wanted to be described as, a young player making moves. So we will be talking to that young player making moves. But before we get to them, let's talk to an even younger player. If I'm, I used to work in a carnival doing this and I'm guessing he is a little bit younger than our other young player. But similarly making moves, I believe in the podcast sphere, he is, and you know, I don't like to talk about other podcasts on this show because I don't like the competition,

but I made a rare exception for this gentleman. He has a wonderful podcast out there right now entitled, I said no gifts, which is celebrating it's probably a year at this point that you've been doing it now. Is that right? Two and a half. More like, but we call that a podcasters year. That's a classic podcasters year, especially during the quarantine. Certainly.

Yes. But two and a half years, a lot of great guests get, and I pronounce that, guests apparently. And we'll be talking to him about this. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Bridger Weineger. Hello. Thank you so much for having me. It is my pleasure. Well, it's nice to meet you.

We have never met. No. Before is this your card? That is my card. My God, it's been years since I saw that. So what I do for a new guest, it's been about a podcasters decades since I snuck up on you and asked you to pick a card. You were just a wee young lad, were you not walking down the street?

I said, this kid's going to be somebody. And I thought that Ace of Spades, I'm going to keep that in mind, that's the only card I know of. You've been dreaming about it every single night before you go to bed. Ace of Spades, Ace of Spades, Ace of Spades. Absolutely showing my card knowledge right now. It's a truly unique card. Ace of Spades.

OK, well, what cards are mentioned in songs? Ace of Spades. Welcome to the show, Bridger. So nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you. My wife, or my ex-girlfriend, the widow Halap has met you, has been on the show. She's been on the show. And she says great things about you, and she was on the show, and I heard an earful about

you when she was on, and then this opportunity came up. I said, I got to meet this guy, and I heard this earful about, here you are. Get your eyes on me. Yeah, Cool Up gave me maybe the most things I've ever gotten on the show. Oh, really? Yes. We did not talk about that. OK, before we get to that, let's talk about the premise of the show.

It is a competitive podcast, competitive meaning with mine. Of course. I'm here to take a huge bite out of your audience. But you are, and a little background about you, you are a very funny writer, and are you a performer as well other than the podcast? It's 2022. I'm just everything. Yes.

But what is performing even in 2022? Right. So you've written for what shows at this point? I started at Jimmy Kimmel. I wrote on Unbreakable Jimmy Schmidt. What else have I worked on? Two Emmys? Jimmy?

Jimmy to Kimmit. Did you say two shimmies? I thought, I heard, I heard Emmy twice, and I thought, maybe I'm next. He just talked about shows that... Wait, did you say to Emmys? I don't even know her. You're just talking about shows that haven't. I heard Kimmy, and I heard Jimmy, and I thought, surely I'm next.

I'm sorry. This is Jimmy Bridger. This is Jimmy. Hi, gotta go? No, wait, Jimmy. You be here. Okay, well... Jimmy, I need business advice.

Jimmy's just been wandering around the... At first, he was wandering around my backyard for months, and then somehow he followed us here and has been wandering around the studio. He always has to go immediately. But yeah, I've worked on a variety of... You also were on the Craig Kilborn show. You were... What was your position there?

I was on the Craig Ferguson show. Craig Ferguson, I'm so sorry. One of the Craig's. I was kind of a permanent production assistant. You were a PA, but he would have you on the show every time you would fuck up. Is that... What's the story there? I mean, it's a really...

What is the story? It was just a four years of complete discomfort. At some point, I crashed his car, and then he put me on the show basically in a bikini for two weeks. To embarrass you. Yes. This was another time when you could kind of bring on a closeted gay man and put him in a bikini for two straight weeks.

Maybe he was doing you a favor, trying to get you out of that closet. I don't know that that was the plan. I don't know. He plays five-dimensional chess sometimes, that Craig Ferguson. But at the time, I thought, look, I wrecked his car, and I'm making... How did you wreck it again? Because I don't think a PA driving someone's car other than to another parking spot in the lot is apropos for a work relationship.

I don't know that it's... Yeah, right. It's not part of the... Are you driving from Las Vegas to LA or something like that? That's another time I was driving his car. That's a fully separate situation. When you wrecked Craig Ferguson, fly your car on the private jet. Absolutely.

Drive it onto one of those big military planes. Like Fast and Furious 7. And have the rock drive it out, parachute out of the plane. The time I wrecked his car was a much larger SUV I was driving. He was driving. He had several cars. Wow. And this one, I was driving out of his house, which had a very narrow driveway.

And I turned... I mean, my spatial reasoning skills are less than a bug. I meant to say, you're not even looking at me. You're looking at the other wall. I'm over here, Bridger. I do not know where I am at any time. So when I'm driving a car, especially a large car, it's just in constant danger. I turned the corner, ran into a pole.

Immediately. Was this on his property? This was on his property. This was on Ferguson. I don't have so many poles on it. Like if I were Craig Ferguson, I wouldn't be like, oh, what a beauty. What a... I'm going to try to do them.

Here we go. What a beautiful place I have. So many poles. What does his motherfucker have like 18 poles on his property? He loves poles. He's building a career on it. But I ran into a pole. At the time, I was working basically a minimum wage job that I immediately thought now I'm

going to lose the job, began to freak out, backed up, hit the pole again, and the car was so large, there was no way not to hit the pole. So then I just had to pull forward and hit the pole again and then drive back to the studio. So you hit the car in two different places. I did $6,000 of damage to this car, all on my own. No other drivers were involved. That's about one episode for him, right?

Maybe the first half hour until the commercial break for him. Right. That was a coffee break for him. He handled it pretty well. But then put me on the show for two weeks. But in my mind, I thought, well, I'm going to get paid for every one of these characters. Because you get a sag minimum like $1,300 to be on the earth. Well, I wish it was $1,300.

It might be $700 or so. It was about $400. Uh-oh. Just because you didn't speak? Is that... That's a good... I think it was an under five, is what it's called, so it was like $400 or so. Man, the under five is such a scam.

We used to, like, when we would cast people on the comedy, big, big TV show, they would have six lines, and we would just go, let's put a comma in between these two. That's all of television. Truly that you have four people on the show who get more than five lines, and then everyone else gets a lunch for the day. So you were on for, like, two full weeks at $400 or so, so let's call it $450. You are probably getting $4,500. You're getting a little less than what the damage that you caused.

Yeah, a little less than the damage, and the satisfaction of knowing I had damaged the car and gotten away with it, essentially, and just was kind of forced to become comfortable with my body on television, which truly was probably the most valuable thing of all. Was this ever a... Could you have said no? That's a really good... That's an excellent question. Could you have said anything but the bikini?

I don't think I could have. Interesting. I don't know that I could have. I mean, I can't speak for anyone involved. That's Weinstein, this Ferguson guy. What do you say? Maybe I could have said no, but at the time, I was making so little money and was so desperate for any type of money.

I would get in a bikini for $4,000 right now. Of course. Are you kidding me? I would get in a bikini right now for $100, and I'm not kidding. I'll give you $100 not to get in a bikini. What do you say? Okay, I'm not in a bikini, Scott. All right, here we go.

I got to pay up. Pay up. I'm going out to dinner tonight. I just paid you $25 bills, apparently, because I did four of them. That's not a bad idea for an amount of bills. It's not bad, because the 50s too much. Right. But you're often out there like valet parking or whatever, and it's like $20 of valet parking.

You're like, I need to put a five on this. But you don't want to break another 20. Let's start the $25 bill. Who would be on it, Richard? Who at this point would be? I feel like Jimmy Carter is a classic 25. Jimmy Carter should be on something. Should he not?

We've got to remove somebody from a bill and put Jimmy Carter on a bill. We were talking about this on Never Not Funny about a month ago. The other presidents must hate him, right? Because he's making them look so bad. I bet they want him to die. Of course. They all want him. Absolutely are ready for his death.

So Bridger, did he have you on other times to embarrass you, or was that the end of it after the two weeks? So I had been working there for, I got hired there as a temporary production assistant. At the time I was like, I had just been turned down for a job at the C's Candy Warehouse because the woman thought I couldn't lift 50 pounds. Is there a C's Candy Warehouse here in LA? There is. On the way, if you go down Lebray of pretty far south, there's a giant C's. It might be the HQ, I don't know.

How do they size you up to see whether you can lift 50 pounds or not? Do they have like a big dumbbell that has like 50 lb on it and they go, pick it up? What happened was, I would estimate like a 70 year old woman looked at me and said, I don't think you can lift 50 pounds. I'm not kidding, I'm not exaggerating. And that was the end of the discussion for me. So I was applying for that type of job. I needed a job.

And I had interned for David Letterman who produced Craig Ferguson. And so they called me and said there's a temporary job for like a month. Do you want to take it? And of course I took it. And a week in, Craig for some reason decided to put me on TV. Is this because of the car accident thing? No, car accident was literally years later. I was there for far too long.

So he just took that. I mean, we would do this on the CVB television show. Sometimes we would find an interesting PA or whatever and go like, hey, come on, be on the show and have a little part or whatever. Yes, it was kind of that. And he put me on once and then I don't know what clicked, but suddenly I was on every almost every night for like a month. Wow.

And so the show was kind of forced to hire me as a permanent PA because I was now part of the show. So you're just making money hand over fist these $25 bills just coming in. Flying. Amazing. Storm of bills. Is this like the richest you've been in your life? Oh yeah.

I mean, I'm broke now. It was all done. I was very irresponsible, loose with cash. And after that PA job, I've kind of just been scratching for money. Yeah, you're like, every job is like this, right? You take any job and the host puts you on TV and you make thousands and thousands of dollars. But yeah, I was on the show for a bit and it became a permanent job for too long.

And then it was just miserable. Oh, I see. When you stopped being on TV, was there a certain point where it was like, hey, we're putting you back just to be PA at this point. I mean, the entire time it was... PA, by the way, stands for Production Assistant. Does it not? Can we agree on that as much?

What was the question? Can we agree on that? We can absolutely agree. One thing we're going to agree on. Okay, very good. It was a dark period of my life. Understand, boy. I hate to bring it up.

But let's move past that and into the podcast. At a certain point, you're like, I'm tired of being on television. Let's go try to fuck with the place that Scott Ackerman lives, try to take some of his money. Knock on his door. Yeah, exactly. So you started this show. It's called I Said No Gifts.

And what is the premise of the show? The premise of the show is that the guest has been told not to bring a gift. And every episode, they show up with a gift. They bring me something and then we end up talking about it. I see. Or we don't talk about it. People kind of miss the assignment and bring something that's deeply uninteresting. And we talk about it for a few minutes or then I...

Who's been the worst guest? Let me know because I don't want to have him on this show. I'll write it down for you later. Because there definitely was one. So this is based upon the thing you would see in an invitation which is like, please no gifts, which is always like... What are you saying? Yeah, who said I was even going to bring a gift?

I can't believe you would assume I would give anyone a gift. Yeah, exactly. But so you thought that was a funny thing to see on an invitation and so you decided to make a podcast out of it. Exactly, exactly. And it felt like a nice little convert. I mean, it felt like the guest could bring on something they wanted to talk about. It gives them the opportunity to talk about whatever they want.

And I mean, before the podcast began, I thought I'm going to get some good gifts. There are going to be some great things. Is it usually just something someone found ten minutes before they had to leave? I would say like one out of four times it's that. Because on a Doug Benson show, Doug loves movies. He would always be like, text you a half hour before. Remember to bring a prize for the winner. And it's like, so I would bring...

Usually I would bring screeners that I had. Oh, terrible gift. Terrible gift. Unless it's for a parent back home. A lot of times I would bring like CDs that have just been unwrapped sitting in my car that I would get as promo CDs or something like that. Usually a comedian like, hey, here's my free copy of my CD or whatever. So yeah, so I can only imagine that people are just giving you terrible, terrible things.

There's a lot of clutter. There are occasionally very thoughtful, good gifts. Are you able to throw them out if you don't like them? Or do you feel like you can't? I've kept almost every gift. The comedian Jamie Lee gave me a chewed up dog toy, which there was some miscommunication with her assistant who said that she wanted it back. And then I asked Jamie, do you want this back?

She's like, absolutely not. So that was thrown away. So she asks her assistant, hey, get that back for me. And then when called on it, she feels like, no, why would I want a chewed up dog toy? Of course not. You know, a friend of the show, but apparently I'm not going to have her back because of this.

Do not. Yeah, that was thrown away and something Coolop gave me was thrown away, but not by choice. It was, she gave me a Panda Express candle, scented candle. Scented as what? I believe it was orange chicken. Oh, that actually sounds, I mean, I don't know. Sounds okay.

Truly disgusting. And I would have kept it. Jimmy, what do you think about that? What? I knew if I called you. What do you think about orange chicken scented candles? I don't know, man. I'd have to smell it, I guess.

Okay. I mean, I know what candles smell like. I don't know what orange chicken smells like. I don't know if I put them together. What do candles smell like? They smell like candle wax. Well, gotta go. Bye.

Bye, Jimmy. So, so how did that get thrown away? Not by choice. It cracked the glass of the candle cracked and it smelled so terrible. I would have kept it sealed. But you have to start giving this or throwing it out. I've considered a yard sale or something. Just throw things away.

You'll feel so much better. I don't know. I would, I think I would feel somewhat guilty. You've trapped yourself in this thing where like, and I know people, I think my parents are like this, where if they receive something as a gift, if they don't want it, they have to keep it there in their house because if ever asked about it, they don't want to say I threw it away. Of course.

So they have stuff for decades in their house and you've trapped yourself with the whole premise of the show and you're receiving a bunch of junk that you don't want. Just throw it all away. Like here's what I would do if I was doing the show. Someone comes in and goes, oh, I bought you this orange chicken scented candle. I go, thank you so much. And immediately throw it in trash can in front of them. That's what I would do.

I mean, I will say like at the year anniversary of the podcast, I made a video of me putting all of what I had received into a trash can and burning. Oh, good. But you threw camera trickery, didn't actually burn it. But the internet backlash was shocking. People were furious. There were so many people who were like, you could have donated those things. You should have.

That's like, there was a clear cut in the video. I did not. Who do you think I am? But that's part of what I'm sensitive about. And also, what if a guest comes over and they ask, where's the... That will never happen. It has never happened in human history where a guest comes over and goes, hey, where's that thing that I bought you?

It has never happened. And everyone's so afraid of it, but it has never happened. I'm going to start doing that. I want to become that first. So you... People talk about the gifts. What else did my ex-girlfriend give you? She gave me an enormous bag.

I think she gave me a white claw that might still be in my fridge. Ah, yes. And she was on in November of... Couldn't get rid of those. Could never get anyone to drink those. Thank you so much for taking it. She was on the podcast, like, November 2020. So it's been in my fridge for quite a while.

But they're yours than mine. I can't even remember. I mean, it was so many items. She's wonderful at gift-giving. She gave me some, like, good gummy bears. Or maybe gummy bears were post-podcasts, actually. She then... She had bought something like nine pounds of gummy bears and gave me half of them.

It's not ringing a bell. Nine pounds of gummy bears. Okay. They were excellent gummy bears. A life separate from mine a lot of times, where she does things and I never hear about it. So this is fascinating. It's amazing to me you didn't see this amount of gummy bears because half that she gave me was an alarming amount.

Wow. So that's past in your house. Have you eaten any of them? Say that again. Have you eaten any of them? I ate all of them. I'll say it a third time. Have you eaten any of them?

I want to hear it one more time, Scott. Have you eaten any of them? Answer the damn question. I ate all of them. I split them with my boyfriend. They were delicious. They're like, I believe the brand is, I want to say Albany, but I know that's not right. Albany?

It's like, there's something like that. It starts A-L-B and then foggy. Albious Dumbledore and his secret gummies that taste like boogers. Well, this is wonderful. I said no gifts is out there. Anyone can get it at their favorite podcast app. What is your favorite podcast app? I asked good questions, right?

That's an excellent question. And you know, everyone's passionate about their favorite apps. Sure. The texture, the sound. Okay, tell you what. I want favorite podcast app, then I want favorite app. You got to go Apple Podcast app. As your favorite app or favorite podcast app?

Favorite podcast app. Okay. Apple Classic. Classic app, one of the first. Favorite app? Yeah, let's go Macro now. Let's zoom out. If we're going, actually, the measuring app.

I love the... What do you measure? I'm measuring everything. Really? I'm pulling that thing out and measuring spaces in my home. I'm measuring objects. What do you do? It takes a picture and goes like, it's probably this.

Have you ever used the measuring app? I don't believe I have. You're going to turn me on to the measuring app. Absolutely incredible. It takes a point in time and space and then... Point in time? Point in time. It measures time.

Okay. What I'm referring to is my watch. Oh, I see. 235 B.M. Ah, the measuring app. No, you kind of move it around so it gets a sense of the space. Yeah. And then just for however it can measure whatever amount you want.

It's just shocking. It just guesses or estimates or guesstimate. It's the app. I mean, into the phone. It comes free. And I'm here as a representative of Apple, of course. Okay. You're on the street team.

The measuring app. If you have an iPhone, the measuring app is somewhere in there. Okay. So how many times do you just really like measuring your boner? It's constant. Not stop. And does it ever be like, come on, man, I wasn't made for this. Please, just leave me alone.

The poor measuring app. I was invented for such great things and now I'm just measuring boners over and over. I was supposed to tell you where you could put a couch. No, I love the measuring app. I recommend it to everyone. I love it. I prefer it over the flashlight app, which is now just constantly being turned on by accident. Yeah.

You hit it the wrong way and suddenly like three minutes later, someone's like, hey, your flashlight is on, idiot. It feels so embarrassing when someone says that to you. Humiliating. Oh, I hate it. Parties. I hate it. Well, I said no gifts.

It's out there on the Apple podcast app as well as any other podcast app, regardless of whether it's Bridger's favorite or not. We need to take a break. When we come back, we will have a manager slash producer, a young player making moves. We'll be right back with more Bridger Weinerger, more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back. Bridger Weinerger of I said no gifts.

Who have been some of the guests recently that you've had on the show recently? And this is something I've been working on. By the way, you can lie. I'm not going to lie because I'm not going to lie, Scott. And this is why you said like recently. Never has been failing. I don't give a shit to say. I know.

I want to challenge my brain and I know your listeners loved to hear me try to challenge my brain. No one's going to be like, he mentioned people who are on six months ago and they're going to look at the receipts. Tony Hale. I love Darcy Cardin. I love Darcy. Those are the two that I can pull from my, I love both of them, but I remembered them

and that's what's important. Incredible. I love both of those guys. Tony never been on this show. I believe. Excellent podcast. I love them. And anytime I see him, I have great conversations with him.

And he gave me a beautiful gift that he made himself. What? A rope bowl. A rope. A rope. Oh, made of rope. Not full of ropes. Not full.

Definitely a good bowl. Well, wonderful. This is, I got to hear this show with this rope bowl. This sounds incredible. I said no gifts. Bridger Weininger is here. Let's get to our next guest. What do you say?

Are you ready to back me up here? Bring them in, please. Okay. I need you at my side and at the ready. I'm already there. All right. Wonderful. Bridger Weininger.

Oh, good. This is great. Our old friend is back. Let's welcome him here. Please welcome Sprague the Whisperer. Scott. What a pleasure it is to see you. You deranged human being.

Hi, Sprague. Hello. It's so wonderful to see you. You're, of course, wearing your cloak that you always wear. I always wear my cloak when I go out in person, making appearances as the Whisperer. Yes. Bridger, this is Sprague the Whisperer. Bridger Weininger.

Is this your card? That's not my card. No, it's the Queen of Hearts that Juice Newton sang about in a song. How many cards have been sung about? Two. Ace of Spades, Motorhead. Ace of Spades. Queen of Hearts.

Dave Edmonds, of course, wrote that. But then... Jack of Diamonds. Who sang that? It's an old Rockabilly song. Okay, Jack of Diamonds. I'll give you that. What else?

Like two of... The Ten of Clubs. I love the Ten of Clubs. I listened to that on my way here. It was the least charted song. The least of all time. Yes. Too boring for top 40.

Bridger, I brought you a gift in keeping with your podcast theme. I brought you a gift. Yes, here it is. It's a bowl for your ropes. Oh, God. This is embarrassing. If you have any spare ropes, keep them in this bowl. I have a rope bowl, which I know I understand.

Yes, you do, because I gave it to you. I just got rid of all of my actual ropes. No, that's too bad. So this bowl is essential. Why did you get rid of your ropes? Jump ropes? Because I had the rope bowl. I was going to build one of my own.

And then Tony Hale comes to the podcast. What do you engage in some light BDSM? I put that life behind me. But I appreciate it. That's very nice of you, Sprague. Sprague is never... By the way, if you don't know anything about Sprague the Whisperer. I'm Sprague the Whisperer.

Nice guy. He's from England, obviously. I am a wiser. Yes. He... John O'Ringlin. I have a client. Sean Diston.

Yes, he's Sean Diston's manager, but he's also a super producer. And he and I host a different podcast called Scott Hasn't Seen Together. We talk about the turtles. Yes, we talked about the turtles about a month ago. Wasn't that fun? Yes, I remember it, because I was there and we had a good time. Yes, so good. The turtles.

The turtles. Leonardo. And the rest. Do you remember what he does? Leads, as far as I remember. That's right. About a month ago, we took a big test on what I remember from the turtles. Yes, we did.

I got a B average. That's right. Deranged. I am a deranged human being. But of course, he's a producer. He's Sean Diston's manager. Yes. He's from England.

England. And we're writing... Scott. Yes. No, I'm just making... Maintaining my voice. Oh, that's right. Yes.

Scott. Yes. Anytime I hear that, by an English person, I sometimes think that I'm going to hear a rick after it, like Scottrick, but... Why? I'm another English person, I know. Cacks like that. That's not the English way.

Sprague the Whisperer. So, Sprague, what are you up to? It's so great to have you on the show again. What are you doing? I mean, you know, I see you every week, obviously, for the other show, but... Well, I'm here to announce my retirement. What? Oh, yes.

From what? Everything. What? I'm no longer going to be the Whisperer, and I'm no longer going to be a manager or super producer. What about podcast hosts with me? Nope. I'm quitting.

Why? What's going on? That's what triggered you? You knew I was deranged when we started this. Scott, after doing the podcast with you for so long, I finally concluded you're too deranged to co-host a podcast with. No, we still have a month left to go before our year anniversary. I know, that's why.

I'm twisting the knife. No. We still have a great episode coming up on Friday, I thought, where we were going to talk about Romeo and Michelle. Scott, yes? I'd like to talk about me and my secret dreams. Okay. Well, I'm sorry I've never asked you about these, is that a sticking point with you?

It didn't help. Scott, I want to be a famous equestrian. You want to be a horse? Not only are you deranged, you might be dumb. That's a person who rides a horse, right? That's correct. For money? Yes.

Ideally. For fun? Both. Okay. If you're a horse, you'll never ride a horse for work a day in your life. That's true. Boy, I saw that. Do you ever see that show?

What was it called? Cava or whatever. It was in Burbank. All the posters around LA just said Larry King, the best show I've seen in my life. I forgot about those. Hell, it made me buy a couple of tickets. People don't know this, but Larry King was addicted to the smell of horseshit. Well, that was part of the great part about the show is every once in a while the performers

would take shits on stage, which I've never seen in any other. Well, you've got to go to G.G. Allen for that. Of course. Oh, G.G. Do you think that movie G.G. was about him? I think the movie Geely was about him. Thank heaven for little girls. They shitted with their hand and threw it at the audience.

So you want to be in equestrian? You don't want to do any of this stuff anymore? No, I want to ride on a horse, have people pay me to do it, and I want to be on the cover of every magazine. Horse magazine, correct? No. Man magazines in general? People, us weekly?

Architectural Digest? Architectural Digest? Cat Fancy? Forbes! Forbes! Yes. Man, well, I'm trying to think of other magazines. Obviously, the magazine business is not what it used to be.

The ones about Princess Di, they put out every 10 years? Did they wait the 10 years? Man, that must be the- Admirable restraint! The lean years. Stop! Yes. I would even like to ride a horse that is too mainly into horse costume.

Really? Yes. The horse costume part is probably the most difficult part. Getting the two guys is easy, I would imagine. What? Why is- Have they stopped making those? No, I just like-

I don't know- Do they have them on Amazon? I'm going to look on Amazon. Go ahead. Keep talking. I'm going to look it up. This idiot thinks I'm really sprig. This is my crowning dream.

Horse costume. I will destroy him. Horse costume adult? Yeah, adult. I will infiltrate his organization. See, this is a one-man horse costume. Where people are used. He's got the fake legs.

I'm going to look up two- Two-person- I don't- Yeah, sprig. I can't find a two-person horse costume. You know what I did find is a two-person adult peanut butter and jelly costume. Dude, what does that look like? It looks like this.

Oh, that's terrible. You think it's terrible? Is that a tandem costume? Yeah, tandem costume. You see a couple rolling up to your Halloween party in this. You're not going like, hey, that's really good. I'm going to have to talk to both of them the entire time. Is it like one of those shirts?

You only like one, that is bad. Right. Is it like one of those shirts that you put two kids in when they're fighting and then forces them to get along? Where did we talk about that? Never. I thought on three of them. We've talked about it.

No. I wasn't on three of them. I'm spraying the whisperer. Scott. Yeah. Oh, here's an Adam and Eve costume. I don't know about this one. It is.

It's got leaves over the private parts. What a fool. If you're going to go for it. It looks like a stethoscope around us. No, it's a snake. Is that a snake? That's the devil. That's the devil.

I imagine the devil being a little more imposing of a snake than this. And I don't know that he rode in on Adam's shoulders. Yeah, exactly. He's just like, hey, since you've taken a bite of this, I'm just going to chill. Oh, yes, Sprig. What's up? Would you buy me those costumes?

Sure. I'm a little low on cash at the moment. Sure. How do you want me to pay for it? Do you want me to give you Apple gift cards? Scott, why don't you give me 100 Apple gift cards? Oh, sure. Then I will sell them.

Okay. For lower than they what? How does? Yes. You give me the 100 gift cards. Got it. Then I sell them for a fraction of the price. I've made a profit because I didn't pay for the gift cards.

Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll give you a $101 Apple gift card. And your social security number. Oh, sure. Yeah. Anything for you, Sprig. I mean, and obviously you...

Hi, Sprig. There's no question about you, the fact that you are Sprig because you're wearing the cloak. That's right. Don't worry that you can't see my face. And be happy that I can't see your face. Don't worry and be happy that you can't see my face. Here's a little song I wrote about not seeing your face. You might want to sing it note for note.

About seeing your face. What a presumptuous song. No song in history has ever started that way. Hey, here, look, I got a song. By the way, you're going to want to memorize this? Exactly. Why didn't they put that at the end? That was a little song I wrote.

You might want to sing it note for note. Goodbye. Goodbye. More songs need to say goodbye at the end as well. You are the weaselink. Goodbye. What happened to her? I don't know.

I presume she's dead, but I don't know. Do you think that was said at her funeral? You were the weakest link. To the ground. What do you think about that, Ivana Trump's grave? Have you seen that? What happened to the grave? No.

This is news from a month ago. I'm sorry, just check it out. Check out the pictures. It's insane. How often do you find yourself saying on the show, check out this grave I saw? I was on Zillow for graves the other day. I saw Ivana's just pop up and I was like,

this is a little bit sad. Now these are graves that you can purchase? Graves other people are in. As comps. I see, I see. Yeah, for your own grave. I see, I see. Exactly.

So you... You all right there, Sprague? Yes, I'm... Yes, I'm... You all right? Just a little tickle my throat. Let me clap you on the back here if you don't mind. Oh, there you go.

Is that better? Yes, yes. You fool. What? What have you done? Sprague, you have laryngitis? No, you... You idiot.

You utter dilt. Sir, this isn't Sprague. Who are you? Reveal yourself to me. You don't recognize me. You sound a little like Richard Harrow, but I don't know. No, I'm not Richard Harrow.

Take off your hood so I can see you or say your name that might be better. I'll do both. It is I, the pie minister. The pie minister from the Tears for Fears episode. Yes, I have written years ago. Years ago. From maybe 2014.

I don't care. I'm concentrating on what I sound like. I think this is it. I think you have a handle on it. Pie minister, you were... God, I haven't seen you in so long. I forget all of your details. Yes, it's been a while.

Yeah, we used to say that around that era. Yeah, you're right. We didn't say that anymore. It's been a while. Nope, not doing that either. Sorry. Bridger, this is the pie minister. And you snuck on to announce Sprigg's retirement.

Yeah. Yeah, so Sprigg is retiring. He hired you to announce it? No, but how is everyone so stupid? I'm trying to bring Sprigg down. What? I want to be the only English guest not comedy bang bang.

You're English? Yes. I'm the minister of pies. Well, we have Andrew Lloyd Webber, so that's another English guest. That fool. He is a fool. You won't be around for a while.

He's crazy for this one. What do you know? No, I'm in the Broadway community. Let's just say the message boards are lighting up. Really? Oh my God. Then I won't have to masquerade him to announce his retirement.

So you want to be the only English guest. You were on once, maybe eight years or so ago, and you are trying to bring down Sprigg who's on the show regularly because you want to be the only English guest. Yes, you finally grasped it. And what is your deal again? You were sort of like the cake boss, but for pies?

I'm the pie minister. Minister as in like the ministry of pies or minister as? Yes, I am the ministry of pies. All kinds of pies, sweet, savoury, cutie. Sweetie. Hair. Yes, if you must. I must.

So you came on the show when Tears for Fears were on the show, and then I saw, and they loved you by the way. I saw them maybe five days later when they taped the television show and they were imitating you. They loved me. They loved you. What did they say exactly?

They were just like, oh, I really enjoyed the pie minister. They just were talking like it, like all day. Well, that's very gratifying. Tears for Fears are big fans, but they're English as well. And they haven't been on again, have they? They have not, even though they have a new album out. My plan is working.

Damn, so you're playing the long game. Yes. The game was you were on once, then never came back on and let other British guests be on multiple times. And then now we're trying to force one of them on. Yeah, what triggered you into being on the show? I mean, we've had so many English people on since you were on last.

I finally listened to it. Thank you. Then I discovered there were many English guests. What did you think? Night was not a fan. Well then what do you care? Because I cannot have these other English people guesting on this podcast.

Do you let other English people on other shows? Do I let other people on? Yeah, I suppose so. Because it's just my show you don't want English people on? This is the only show I've ever been on. Oh, that's right. You've made one appearance on this show, and then it was almost like you disappeared.

I mean, oh, that's right. I don't know. I keep up with my former guests. Do you keep up with other podcasts? As much as I can. Maybe I was on highway with Jamila Jamil. Maybe Conan had you on. Maybe Conan O'Brien didn't be a different.

That would be very funny. One week just suddenly has the pie minister on. People are like, this show used to get Martin Short and people like that on. Wouldn't be that funny. Really? You don't think so? He could do a lot worse than me.

He has done a lot worse than you. This comedian on one time nobody's ever heard of. Did he get a lot of flak for that? I hope so. Probably the least rated episode. Well, pie minister, I'm sorry to say. Pie minister. We have an open door policy on the show.

People are welcome to come and go as they please, and I can't keep there from being English guests on, especially Sprague. I need Sprague on my other show. Who is in charge of this open door policy? It's kind of like the norms in the government. Do you say that every time anyone mentions it on TV like I do?

What? Our governmental norms. Norm. It's kind of like the norms in the government. They're not laws, but we just adhere to them. It's like a tradition. A tradition started by whom? We left the door open one day,

and it just all fell into place. Everything clicked into place. May I have a suggestion? Yes. Close the door. Pie minister, I don't want to close this door. What if someone shows up wanting to be on the show? Pie minister, I don't think so.

I'm so sorry. We're going to leave this door open. I'm too old and too set in my ways to change it. I almost said ugly, but I thought that would be mean. You were going to say ugly? You said I'm too old and I thought it would be funny to jump in and say ugly, and then I thought that's mean. That'll come off bad.

Oh, really? That's the only reason you didn't want to do it. It was because it would come off bad. How about the hurt feelings that would ensue? A secondary consideration. Pie minister, just catch us up briefly. What have you been up to in the last eight years? We're coming up on a break.

Obviously ministering to many pies. Sure. What's your favorite pie at this point? Meat. Meat has gone into the number one position. Look, when pie is your thing, there are many ups and downs. Currently, it's meat.

What about pot? Pot pie. Pot pie. Pot pie. We don't say that at the ministry. A meat pie is what you would call a pot pie. Oh, it is. Okay, yeah.

But is it the same ingredients? Is it turkey and carrots and onion? Not onion. Well, sometimes onions. Potatoes. Potatoes. Peas. A gravy.

This is what I was searching for. Gravy is like the... This sounds more like a shepherd's pie. Okay, what is a traditional meat pie? Meat. Crust. The end. Ceiling.

What is filling? You're talking about one of these pies with the layered deer meat that you see on the... That's exactly right. Just kind of a wet, like foot tall... I love deer meat. Cake made of deer meat. Not venison.

Deer meat. Deer meat. You have to think Meatloaf's kids, at some point, addressed a letter to them, to him. Why would his children call him meat and not father? I bet he asked them. And I know one of his children, by the way. So a full disclosure.

But I bet he asked them. He's like, don't call me dad. Call me meat. Who's his child, Josh Loaf? Well, look, pie minister. Pie minister, not prime minister. I said pie minister. You said prime.

You've got Amazon on the brain. Just looking up costumes on Amazon Pie. We have to take a break. Can you stick around? Yeah, there's no pie. We have to take a break. We have a very exciting guest coming up, a young player making moves.

Do you want to stick around? We can talk to him together. I do think I can stick around. Oh, because of the voice? Yes. See you later. All right. We'll be right back with more Bridger Weiniger.

Thanks, pie minister. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back. We have Bridger Weiniger of I Said No Gifts here with us. So what do you think of the pie minister there? I was a little uneasy. Yeah.

I felt like I was sold something with the cloak and I was looking forward to some sort of career advice. The guy shows up in a cloak, says he's a manager. You trust that person. Yes, of course. You say, this is somebody I could take home. And then suddenly it's this kind of scratchy voice person with a plan that I didn't quite see how it was going to add up.

An unpopular guest as well. People hate him. Like, never took off other than with the ban tears for fears and is difficult for him to even speak much longer than 15 minutes. So I don't know why. Have you considered doing a spin off of this podcast that's exclusively for tears for fears? Just the members of the band.

I would love that. God, please let them call me when they pass through LA. I would love to have them back on the show. Right. Then they're listening to this thing. How many members of the band are there for? There are two. Oh, tears for fears is a two man band.

There's tears and then fears. That cannot be true. I almost believed. And tears has a little teardrop tattoos because he's killed a lot of people. They've both been through a lot of prison time. Wait, who's that? Huh?

Oh, Jimmy. I heard you laughing into the mic. Oh, sorry. Sorry, man. I was just having a good time. Yeah. Hey, stick around for a bit if you get. OK.

All right. Great. You know what? Yeah. That's all it took? Yeah. I mean, I realized I got some time. OK.

Great. Well, why? What do you have to do a little bit later? I got to pick up a friend from the airport. Which airport? John Wayne. Oh, OK. That's a bit of a trick.

I know. He's a good friend. Why didn't he fly into Burbank or LAX? I don't know. They're a big movie buff. OK. They don't like Bob Hope as much as LAX. John Wayne.

I can see that. How come LAX isn't named after a movie star? I know. Been Crosby or someone like that? Lina Turner. OK. Now you're talking too much. Oh, sorry.

Gotta go back. Stay. Stay. Come back. Oh, sure. I'm a good guy. All right. Let's get to our next guest.

He's a young player making moves. This is exciting. You're excited by this. Yeah. What about you, Bridger? You on board for this? I'd like to meet him. I'd like to hear what he's saying.

You're reserving the right to hear what he's saying. After I got burned once already on the center side. I understand. I apologize. But I am willing to hear. I don't like to run this type of podcast where we're doing the whole shell game kind of thing. The beat and switch.

I apologize. You come in here nervous enough. Exactly. And there's the deceit. I hate it. I'm so sorry to make you so uncomfortable. I hate it. Thank you.

Thanks, Jimmy. Appreciate that. Cool. Well, let's bring him on. He is a young player making moves. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Dre Wonka. What's happening? If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you got to wake up and pay attention.

What's good, y'all? What's happening? Dre Wonka and his motherfucking. Yeah. Dre Wonka, what's up, dude? Man, ain't nothing changed but the address, you know? Where? I'm still in flex right now.

They're still looking, checking out some properties. Oh, cool. What's good, though? How you doing? What's good, yeah. Dre, is that short for Andre? Or is that short for Dreah? Yeah, no, Andre, yeah.

Andre. Andre Wonka, yeah. Andre Wonka. Look, I have to ask. I hear a name like Wonka. Oh, I know what you're going to say. And you're right. Yeah.

Basically, you know, I'm a young player out here making moves. I'd make a lot of moves. What type of moves are you making? Okay, you know, some dance moves, you know, like whatever. Oh, and I heard a young player making moves. I didn't assume that they were dance moves. I moved dancing. I thought it was like career-wise.

Yeah, I like to dance. But I make moves, too, like, so, you know, I play with, I was going to say, I was going to say I was going to play with kids, but not like that. Like, I'm a soccer referee. Oh, so you're not even playing with the kids? I'm a regulator. Like, we're in G. Yeah.

Yeah, before the game starts, I go, regulator. None of the kids get it. No, they're kids. At this point, I mean, even 40-year-olds don't get it. Yeah. So, I don't really know shit about soccer, but I just, the kids are too young. Make it up as you go on. Yeah, they can barely kick the ball in.

Red car, yeah, it's just having fun out there. You want to give everyone a red card experience at least once during the game, too. But a couple years ago, I sold psychedelics if y'all want some of that. To the kids? No, that would be disrespectful to the game of soccer. That you don't know? Yeah. So, a couple years ago, I did the 23 and me, you know what I'm saying?

Found out the Wonka family owned my family as slaves, so I decided to take my slave name back. So, my name before was Drex, so now I'm Dre Wonka because I want to take my slave name. I want my slave name back. You're saying Willy Wonka. Wait, are you an Oompa Loompa? I'm half Oompa, half Black. Oh, so you're half Loompa?

Wait, no, I'm half Wonka, half Loompa. Oh, okay. So, but Loompa, you know, they basically from the Caribbean, so they Black. Yeah, got it. Okay. So, wait, so Willy Wonka fucked an Oompa Loompa. Yeah. You're the...

And I'm the descendant of that. So, when I did the 23 and me, I found out, and it's crazy. I'm pre-biobetic. I'm pre-diagetic. I'm pre-diabetic. I'm pre-diabetic. I can't even eat candy right now. So, I'm losing my goddamn mind.

So, you know, I said, let me take the name and get as much candy as I can. I got about four years for the diabetes kicks in, and then we're going to get it in. You know, chocolate, sour candies, all types of shit. But, you know, that's what I'm doing, and I'm making moves out here. And I'm trying to get my hit inheritance. I'm trying to get the Wonka inheritance, and they owe me money. They owe me money. They owe me money.

You know what I'm saying? How they treated my fam. Reparations. Yeah. That's right. What'd you say, Black? Reparations. Yeah.

Say it one more time. Reparations. Yeah. I like that. Shimmer says reparations. If you want to be somebody. If you want to go somewhere. You got to wake up and pay attention.

What is that you're singing? Oh, man, that's an old tune from a great legendary singer, St. Mary Clarence. From the sister act. Oh, right, right. I saw that recently. You did? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You saw it on your podcast? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't say, but apparently you know about my podcast where I watch it. I know about all the cast. I know about the Bridges podcast with the GIFs. You know what I'm saying? I do a couple of GIF parties sometimes.

We sit around, give each other GIFs. GIF parties. Is this like Christmas? Change? No, it's not on a holiday. It's on a Sunday with, you know, a lot of ladies. A lot of times Christmas is on Sundays. Go ahead.

It's with a lot of ladies. It's true. Sometimes Christmas is on a Sunday. For real? Yeah. The worst Christmas. Yeah, they're terrible. Nobody likes Christmas on a Sunday.

No. Yeah, yeah, that's not tight. You want it on a Tuesday. You want it on a good Tuesday, Wednesday. Yeah, exactly. Here's what's good about it on a Sunday. You don't got to go to church twice. That's right.

Oh, yeah. No, sometimes you do, right? You go to church and then you go to the Christmas session. That's right. The Christmas session, yeah. Where you from? Me? Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Ain't nothing changed but the address here. Exactly. Oh, that's what you said. Yeah. Where are you from? Yeah, I'm from Bridgetown, Connecticut.

Is that what that show Bridgetown is about? Yeah, it's in Connecticut. Oh, I didn't know that. That's why that family of walkers came over. They immigrated over. Oh. Settled in Bridgetown. And I grew up there.

Yeah, because he was in England or something, right? Yeah, yeah. So I'm kind of English too. So I'm like, you know, I don't know about your boy. I don't know. I heard that y'all's not one of the English people on the show. Yeah, Prime Minister took off. Yeah, Prime Minister took off.

You know, I'm from Delton Abbey, Rhode Island. Oh, shit. Yeah, I used to get money down there. But yeah, man, I tell you what. I don't know what that means. I do. Yeah, keep talking, though. Oh, yeah.

So like I was saying, I'm making moves. I sell psychedelics. I do soccer referees with the children. Yep. But right now, I'm trying to get on more podcasts and talk about my situation with the Wanka estate and trying to get my money back. Yeah, you're hoping to get your money back. It's a candy.

Have you filed some sort of civil suit against the family? No, I haven't done anything yet. This is my first thing I did was come right here. Oh, this is your first. Oh, OK. So you're trying to get on more podcasts and you started here. Yeah, yeah, I figure, you know, maybe. This is a good entry level podcast.

That's a nice launching pad. So yeah, you know, if you guys know a lawyer and somebody can help me out, I'll be down for it because I'm trying to get out here and make these moves. Yeah. Have you ever had a lawyer on the show? No. I don't think we've ever had a lawyer on the show. Oh, I know.

It's Hollyanne Jones. He's a lawyer. He's more of a defense. He's like, no, he does lawsuits. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. He passed the bar. Yeah.

That's all you need here. Yeah, that's all I need. Because I'm dry. How far back does the Wanka family go? It goes back to the like 14th century, you know what I'm saying? Because Willy Wonka was like, he was an anomaly, you know what I mean? Them cats was out there causing problems, you know, going around state to state, pillaging and all that.

But now that, you know, they try to change their rep making candy and shit for the kids. It was all bullshit. You know what I'm saying? I had a 50 lifting drink. A 50 living drink. A 50 living drink. A fizzy lifting drink.

You know what I'm saying? I ain't fly nowhere. I ain't go up. I ain't go down. I just had gas all day. Some bullshit right there. I heard your podcast, Bridger. What'd you think?

What was your feeling? Man, you had a funny dude on there. He caught Nate Lamar on that show. Never having him back. Oh, man. What's wrong with him? It was a difficult conversation. What kind of gift he gave you?

I truly cannot remember. That's what I'm talking about, man. Why are you going to put out the content? It has been years. How are you going to put out the content? Put out the content, but you don't believe in it. You know what I'm saying? Putting out this content.

Dre, I need you to remind me. You listened to it recently. On the way to this podcast. Oh, yeah. I listened to it. It was, I don't remember. See, that's what I mean, Bridger. No one cares if you throw away these gifts.

Yeah, I told them shit's away. Hey, Dre, will you come on my podcast when I start it? Yeah. You're at shimmy. You're starting a podcast? Yeah. The devil you say. I got two concepts.

Okay. And I don't know which one to do. Okay. One is let shimmy. And the podcast takes place where we're dancing the whole time. Oh, let shimmy. Okay. Let shimmy.

Yeah, you should have that. I thought it was let shimmy. Like allow shimmy to do. Let shimmy. Yeah, I thought you said let shimmy. Like we all go look at lips. But that's also, I guess that works. But here's the other concept is swimmy with shimmy.

And we're swimming the whole time during the interviews. Oh, I love that. More splashing. Well, they'll be splashing because we're dog paddling. We go out, we get dropped off in the middle of a lake. We're just treading water trying to stay alive. Like the Marine Corps. Yeah.

I could tread. I'll tread up in there. I could tread for like 45 minutes. And that's it. I didn't know he would ask you to be on it. Well, including my intro, I'd do like a ramble monologue for 15 minutes. Oh, man. Did people skip past it?

I hope not. I haven't started yet. How does the drowning guest feel about the monologue? Oh, that's my time. I gotta go. Oh, shimmy. What happened? Your Apple Watch went off.

How did you get an Apple Watch, shimmy? Is that what this is? No, where did you find that? I found it on the ground. On the ground? Yeah. Who left one there? Oh, man.

Some kind of coke ran out of here. Oh, man. Yeah, that's a nice Apple Watch. Well, that's a pie minister's Apple Watch. His bio rhythms are fucked up. I feel bad for this guy. I hope he's all right. Yeah, I like pies.

You know, I had a couple pies, a couple of snozzberry pies, and let me taste some. They don't taste like snozzberry, you know what I'm saying? Wonka Empire expanded into pies? Oh. Where is this? Yeah, fruit pies? That's what I wanted. So we know the Wonka's known for the Everlasting God Stoppers, the, you know, the other stuff,

but I think like... Sure. I'm like... We all know what you're talking about. My goal is to take the Wonka name and expand it, you know what I'm saying? Because I'm a player making moves, so... So what do you want to do with it? So past candy or...?

Yeah, past candy. I want to create a Wonka theme park. You know what I'm saying? I want to be the first black man with a theme park in America. Yeah, I can't think of a single... I mean, did Malcolm X have one? No, Malcolm X. Malcolm X.

No, he had, yeah, Malcolm X, he had a little go-kart thing, but everybody... They had a dress code. Maybe it came out like on a Saturday night, maybe, but the rest of them... The dress code killed it. Ain't got no bacon up here. That's what... When you go to drive go-karts, he wants a bacon. I want two strips of bacon and a park.

I put on my suit and tie, where's my bacon? Yeah, and I want a whole-ass theme park, so I want it to be in Chicago. That's one of my favorite cities. Okay, so you want the first one? Yeah. I'm sure there will be many. Yeah, once we get that one, then we'll start to come up all over the country, yeah? Are you going to have a boat that goes through a terrifying tunnel?

Oh, yeah, it's going to be great. It's going to be great. It's like a worm crawling on a guy's face? Yeah, only this tunnel is going to sow the history of the oppression from the Wonka family. It's going to ruin all of our oompa-loompas and everybody, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it'll have Willy Wonka crawling on your mother. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Man, I'll never bring that up.

That sounded harsh. Sorry about that, I'm sorry. I was making an allusion to the worm crawling on a face, and then it came out. Everybody got it? Yeah, I know. It sounded bad after all. No, it just reminded me of the trauma. I'm in therapy for it.

Was this an unwanted advance from Willy Wonka? Oh, I don't know. Like I said, I've got the paperwork and it said that's where I'm from, but I don't know. They give you paperwork on 23 of me? Yeah, it's like a book. It's like a big-ass book. I guess there's a box you can check. Hey, don't send this to me via email.

Just give me a book. I want hard copies, you know. What's the opposite of paperless? Paperful. Paperful. I want a paperful. Paperful post. What about that?

That's a business, right? That's just letters. Yeah, so it's a book with a bunch of pictures, and it has the whole history of like all my- A bunch of pictures. He's like, you can get the pictures in your phone turned into a little photo album. 23 of me, you can get them sent in a hardbound copy. Yeah, and they'll play like a good folk song behind it. It's beautiful.

If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you got to wake up and pay attention. I love that. Do you like that song? Why do you keep singing it? Yeah, that's my mantra, you know what I'm saying? I say it keeps me motivated, you know? Because a lot of people don't email here making moves and they ain't playing. Where do you stand on the theme park?

Are you going to break ground soon? No, first I got to get my inheritance from the Wanca estate. Once I get that, I already got the land over in, it's in Inglewood, Chicago, in Inglewood, California. That's a different Inglewood. Hey, Drake. Another location opportunity. Yeah. Who are the current custodians of the Wanca estate?

Yeah, who's still alive? Yeah, that's a good question. Because Willie is, I remember him from the 70s. Yeah. And then he changed his face a little bit and he- Yeah, he got all the makeup. He went out kind of Michael Jackson looking. Yeah, right.

And then that little kid, he then he became a little kid for a bit. Yeah, right. A pretty ass kid. Yeah, but who is he? Like, is he passed on now? Who's- Yeah, he's gone. So right now it's, what's her face?

Kurt, Kurt Wanca. Kurt Wanca? Yeah, he's- What's her face? Yeah. Hey, look, I don't know what genders they are. All right, so then there's Kurt and then the little, the other sister, Chantel and Jason. Jason Wanca.

So those are the three and they all live- And they're all official children with Mrs. Wanca? I think Mrs. Wanca was on the show once before. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so they all, you know, they have, I'm in a fight with them. So they all are getting the money and the chocolate and the blueberries and all that. So, you know, the violets, it's bullshit, you know? It's really upsetting to talk about because they owe me money.

I know, but you know what? That place seemed like a dangerous place anyway, like, you know, like- Yeah, it's kind of a hazard, you know? Like, one kid ends up on TV instead of as a real-life human being, one turns blue, you know? Yeah, but that's because they disrespect in the rules, you know? If they follow the rules, they won't happen. That's how my part's going to be. You follow the rules, everything goes smooth.

That one child got hideously transformed because she lacked gum. Yeah. But you like people who follow the rules. If you find, and this is what I say when people get pulled over by the police all the time, just follow the rules and you'll be okay. Excuse me. Yeah, you know, I actually got this one ride. You were finding me, Mr. Ockerman, like, so there's going to be-

This had a whole theme park, so we got- we're going to have a cop land. And as we go in there- Cop land! So Sylvester Stallone and Janine Garofalo will be in there? Oh yeah, Janine Garofalo, she welcomes you in. She'll be like, welcome. And she'll do it like her thing. She'll be like, welcome to Copland.

It's the Copland. Sorry, I have these notes. Yeah, and then you go in there and then they got a night stick ride where you got to dodge night sticks. And then they got the one ride where you got to, like, see if you can, like, run away from the cops without getting shot in the back. It's really- And if you can film everything, you get extra points. Uh, yeah, no, yeah. And then, yeah, you have your camera phone, but they give you a camera phone.

You can't- so just in case it's- Are you going to have the Tower of Taser? Oh, yeah, yeah. You try to scale a tower without getting tased? Let me put my glasses back on. Yeah, you took them off in horror when I said that thing about the police. I just wanted you to see my soul for a second. Yeah, man.

You know, the Tower of Taser, you get to the top, but it's a good experience, you know. It's a good thing. It's only for white people. They go for that, you know. Yeah, just to give them- Yeah, give them experience of what it feels like to be a black man in America. And then you get to- at the end, you get to find out your slave who owns you as slaves and take your slave name. Amazing.

I think it's a clever idea to have, like, a ride at an amusement park that says, white's only, and then they think it's going to be like- Oh, yeah, it's going to be great. It's like, thank God, we brought this back. Yeah. And then suddenly it's a bad situation for them. Absolutely. We'll have a bunch of apple pies up front, like a guy in a Yankees baseball uniform,

and make them feel real at home, and then- You turn it all over the head. It'll be crazy. Well, this sounds like a great move to make. I think I can make money. Yeah, definitely. I'm going to get my money first. I mean, you got to make sure that everyone signs an NDA when they go in.

They can't talk about the experience, so it doesn't spoil the surprise. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Excuse me. Hey, you took a big swig of water. Yeah, I was just talking about- Right at the time when I was-

You took an urgent swig of water. Oh, just talking about money is making me thirsty. I really need to get in touch with the Wanka estate, though, and, you know, I'm a little worried that they got a couple lawsuits out there. Yeah, who's suing the Wankas at this point? Well, Charlie Bucket must be. Yeah, Charlie Bucket, I mean- But where does he fall in this picture?

First of all- Yeah, he was supposed to take over the whole thing. Right, with the grandfather. Yeah. Grandfather dancing around in his goddamn night shirt. Let me tell you something. I got no love for the Bucket family, you know what I'm saying? Because the Buckets, they all here trying to take my money, you know what I'm saying?

They know better than the Wankas, you know? Yeah. Yeah, they think they're cool because they're poor or whatever. Well, you're poor, right? I've been traded on big four movies. You know how much money I make for a soccer game? They're so cool. I make $40,000 a year for any soccer game.

Wow. How many are you doing? As a volunteer. It's once a week, every Saturday. Just once a week? Yeah. All right. So that would be-

How would it be a volunteer position? No, I would never do that. One of those kids. Those kids are crazy. But yeah, so that's all. I'm just trying to get my moves, Bridget. So that's all? Yeah, that's all.

You're wrapping up. You're packing your suitcase. Yep. If so, whoever. You know, hit me up at a 5-5-5-5. You have like a go bag that you're like putting an extra change of clothes in right now. Put my sunglasses up. Giving us your business card.

Actually, let me take you some of this candy real quick. Mmm. Man, that tastes good. Let me tell y'all something, man. Which kind of thing? That was a- Gump software? Yeah.

I mean, I will say Drey. Even when you can buy it off. Your knowledge of the line of products is- Yeah. It starts and ends with one thing. Yeah, but you can't expect me- I'm just found this shit out. You know what I'm saying?

You can't expect me to know the whole research. That's true. I gotta learn it up. You know, so that's why I gotta get in touch with the family, get a tour of the factory and all that. I think it's time for your song. You know, if you wanna be somebody. Why ain't you singing with me, y'all?

If you wanna be somebody. If you wanna go somewhere. You gotta wake up and pay attention. Yeah, man. Yeah. Oh, man, that's great. Yeah. High-fiving.

I remember what the dude gave you, Bridget. You were referred. It was a biography of, written by DJ Khaled. Of course, the keys. Yeah, the keys. They gave you the keys to success. Did you read it? Obviously.

I've looked at it. I mean, I think it's very clear. You just look at the past two years of my life and you're like, well, this person's succeeding. We should all work on this theme park idea together. I mean, I'm in. Yeah, I'm in. We've already got something to do with candy and cops.

I only have my cop ride and the Tower of Taser so far, so. I mean, I came up with that to be fair. All right. I don't want no problem. I want no problems. What about you, Bridget? You got any pictures? Is it candy themed or?

Right. Other than the cop flanned part? No, it's themed about Justice in America. Okay, well. Other than candy. Yeah, there will be candy there, though. How about the swinging scales of justice? Oh, yeah.

Like you get on them and they. Oh, like the pirate ship goes back and forth? Yeah. Or like those things that go around and around and used like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like his version of it. Shit.

I'm on fire. I think you two, you're on the same wavelength. I mean, you work together. Also, yeah, we'll have. You got to be prepared for shimmy to just leave suddenly, though. I promise I'll stay till the end. Yeah. You can work with me.

You need to show up to work. I will. But yeah. So how much will we charge? Probably like, you know, 400 bucks to get in. Yeah, that seems a little steep. It's the wonka estate. I know, but Disneyland is on the way.

But if you only charge 150 for parking, that's a deal. That's right. Yeah. I like where your head's at. Thanks, Gray. And I think, you know, we'll do, maybe we'll do a little deal. Like, you know, like my forefathers did where we'll put out, you know, a special ticket, you know, I'm in and then.

Oh, yeah. The golden ticket is what they call it. I don't know if you know that, but. Yeah. Yeah. They called it a golden ticket. If you got it in an actual chocolate bar, then you got a trip to the, the wonka factory. Yeah.

That's right. So yeah, like maybe we could do something like that. And maybe we'll be, we'll put it in a, like a bean pie or something. And then it'll be a black. I think the, the pie minister is going to come back. If we start talking about bean pie. Oh yeah. Oh, I bet he's going to be back.

How about like for another attraction, the no knock nebula where it's like you, you enter in there, you try, you try to just mind your own business. You walk in, they set you up with a, like a blanket and you go to sleep. It's kind of like the reverse of a haunted house. So you're really good at it. When someone else comes up with an idea, like adding. Yeah. Yeah.

That seems to be your strength. It's kind of my life. And I was like, I had nothing going on. Then I found out I was related to this fortune company. And now that's who I am. Yeah. Great. What was the plan until then?

Just decided to soccer thing, you know, right? Right. My goal is eventually like, you know, work myself up to like younger basketball. The younger kids. Yeah. Hey, I like kids, man. That's why I want to do a theme park. I put them in.

I mean, it makes sense that the younger the kids are, the more they need a referee because they're just running around. They don't know what they're doing. Unless I have to know about the sport. Exactly. They don't have to know about basketball if the kids don't know. Yeah. Then I could just do whatever rules I want.

It's crazy, you know. It is crazy. I feel like the parents get mad though when I, when I call or make the wrong call because they're like, this guy doesn't know what he's doing. It's really. Isn't that all parents though? Yeah. But they be giving me the orange slices in the, in the Capri Sun after it should be good

as fuck. I'll put, I'll probably sell that at the park too. Yeah. Yeah. It seems, seems like we're running out of steam. Do you feel that way? Yeah. Yeah.

I feel, I feel tired. You came in, you came in super hot. But now it looks like you want to take a nap. Is that right? Yeah. I'm going to hit the no knock ride real quick. Don't come in. Don't come in here.

All right. We'll tell you where we are running out of time, coincidentally. Okay. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is a little something called plugs. I was walking down the street just the other day. I was so confused. I don't even know what to say.

Why are we wasting time? What a water hugs. We only have time for one final feature. That is a little something called plugs. Tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute, tute. Toot, toots. All aboard.

Wonderful. Hey, that was great. That was Toot Toot for plugs by Chris Finke. Thank you, Chris. All right. What are we plugging, Bridger, obviously? The podcast. The podcast.

That's it? I know you're a young player making moves. I've heard about some of your moves that you're making, but those are future moves. In November, there'll be a new show on Netflix called Blockbuster. Okay. I have heard about this. You're a writer on this. I'm a writer on that.

Wait, Blockbuster is moving to Netflix? They've moved. Can you imagine? They finally caved. Yeah. What's up? You know, my man Chris, he found out his family was owned by the Blockbusters. Really?

Chris Blockbuster? Yeah, Chris Blockbuster. You tell him, so I'll let him know. Come find you. He's going to come after me. Yeah, yeah. I feel, I mean, just barely related to the family. For me to be the subject of a lawsuit would feel unfair.

You're benefiting from the slave. Yeah, you are. I agree. Sure. I agree with Dre. Thank you, Mr. Huckabee. All right. So I said no gifts.

People can get the podcast anywhere they get podcasts. And Jimmy, anything you want to plug? Hey, man, you know, I've heard about this, this committee. I never heard of him before. And Conan O'Brien needs a friend. And I was like, he's not famous, but I guess I'll listen. And he's got a show in Los Angeles on September 4th at La Drune. Really?

Who is this guy? Oh, don't, don't ask me. Sorry. Yeah, I know. Yeah, he's not famous. So why would you know? Oh, OK. You can get tickets at paulftomkins.com slash live.

Maybe his name will be there too. But and also if you can't see the show, they put them up on Vimeo so you can watch them there. Wow. And that's September 4th, you say? Is that? Sunday, September 4th, special surprise guest. You won't want to miss it.

Oh, this is incredible. All right. And Dre, what do you want to plug? Oh, I just want to plug. So that dude that was on your podcast, I followed him after that. And he got this one podcast where him and the homie watched Gossip Girl all the time.

It's called, I think it's called XOXO Gossip Kings. And they talk about gossip girl and stuff. And one of the things on the headgum podcast, I think. OK. That is a headgum podcast? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they got the headgum.

And then the other thing that dude also, he'd be rapping too. He'd be making music. I heard he is one of the best UCB rappers. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I heard him all. You know, I listen to every UCB rapper there is.

And nobody's as good as this one. You know what I'm saying? Matter of fact, he got the award for best UCB rap at Franklin. There's some stiff competition. Ooh, at Franklin. Yeah. Not even sunset.

It's a big microphone as an award. It's awesome. Wow. Do you think headgum was made by the Walker family? Man, I bet, you know, I wouldn't be surprised, bro. Yeah, you got to go after them. You got to go after newcomers. Yeah.

Everybody. Everybody's getting. What are you, him? No, he gets it. You know, saying it's infectious. You know, say we got to get our money's back. What'd you say earlier? We got to get our money's back.

Oh, it gets with our reparations. Yeah. That's it. So I just want to represent that. That's my unplugging reparations today. Yes. Thank you. Finally.

Cool. Finally, they're happening. If only somebody could plug them on a podcast. Remember when they did a whole thing about it a few years ago? Okay, what's going to happen? It's going to happen. Nope. The government did send everyone $1,800 once, didn't they?

Oh, yeah. Another two? Was it something like that? That's right. Yeah, I spent that in a week. Really? I saved my. I'm going to send you $2,000.

Now, you already did get the $600. It's a real sneaky situation. I want to plug, hey, head over to CBB World. We just ended this big comedy bang bang tour. People can listen to every show that we did over there at CBB World. They're all, in fact, last night should be up maybe today or tomorrow. We had a good time. I hope.

I was on one of those. I bet you were. Yeah. You might be on all of them. I had a great time. No, I'm not on all of them. Who knows? But I popped up.

So head over to CBBWorld.com. You can also get the archives of this show. The biggest episodes are all there as well as ad free episodes as well as the Andy Daily podcast project. We have the archives and ad free episodes of freedom. We have CBB presents. And this Friday on Scott hasn't seen me and the real sprig are going to be watching Romeo and Michelle's High School reunion.

Why don't you look at me when you said that? I don't know. But we did watch when we watched house party recently. Oh, what's how you feel about that one? I felt really good. We've talked about it since that episode too. I really liked it. Yeah, man.

I'll tell you what, man. That movie is dope. And one of the things they do in that movie, they move. They make moves. They definitely make moves. Yeah. They were young players making moves. Yeah.

That was the cast that called what it said. I didn't get casted in a play. You were too young at the time. You might not have been born yet. I'm 57 years old. What? You look great. Yeah, man.

Damn. I took too long to do it. I should have did 23 of me way back. Back when I was 23 or something. Yeah, exactly. You supposed to do it when you're 23? Yeah. When you turn 23, you're eligible.

Yeah. You might have gotten the wrong results because you weren't 23. Yeah. I might be. Shit. Shit indeed. Oh no. Are you reconsidering your whole thing?

Is your deal changing? Faceless lawsuit. Oh my God. I'm going to go check some things out. All right. All right. Well, before you do, let's close up the old plug bag. Yeah.

Take one and put it up. Take the other and put it down. You're going to make a box. It's time to start to close it. But don't close it too much. Or you'll open up the plug bag. Bye. We're opening up that plug bag.

Bye. When you open up that plug bag, you open up your heart for the rest of the world. I'm talking open up the plug bag. I'm talking open up the plug bag. I'm talking open up the plug bag. As hard as that you can. And then you open up your heart.

Open up the plug bag. Oh no. Okay. That was Closing the Oh No Bag by Danny California. Spelled with a D-A-N-N-Y California. Unlike the normal spelling of D-A-N-I, of course, that the red hot chili peppers, of course, sang about. They haven't sung about a playing card.

Not yet. They should. That feels like it could absolutely be in their real house. That is right there. What card do you think they sang about? Seven of... What's the dirtiest card? Diamond.

Well, Ace of Spades. Yeah. Well, Motorhead beat him to it. He certainly did, man. What do you think the dirtiest card is? They're Dre? I would say to Jack. You know what I'm saying?

They're always trying to Jack you. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you were going to say because of Jacking. Jacking people off? No. People off? I was going to say yourself.

No, large groups. Say it, large groups of people. Yeah. Yeah. Fourty, twenty at a time. Parades. Yeah. Yeah, I ain't with the Jack.

You know, always playing games. Yeah, I get it. I like the Queen. The Queen of Hearts. Good. Yeah. King. You know, King's is always good.

Always good. King is always good. Gotta respect the King. Always. That's not his. Watch the throne. Run the duel. Dre, are you shutting down?

You're not talking anymore? He just shook his head. That's why I'm talking to you, Mark. He's shit. He turned shy. Oh, no. Oh, man, Dre. Yo, let me tell y'all something.

Here we go. I'm about to make it happen, you know what I mean? Because if you were to be somebody and you were to go somewhere, you got to wake up and pay attention. Wake up and pay attention. That's all. That's all I got to say. Yeah.

Y'all motherfuckers. But, you know, find out your shit, you know what I'm saying? Because you might be on your, you know, I know Malcolm. You're losing it again. Damn. Malcolm has wanted us to take the X, but I'm saying the opposite. Take the long coat. Take your slave master's name and get your money.

Yeah. Get your money. Very good. You guys support that, right? Of course. Look how it's worked out for you. Well, guys, I want to thank you so much. Bridger, so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Thanks for being on the show. Thank you for having me. And continued success with your podcast, even though you're my competition. Look, I just love that. I'm just here begging for one or two listeners to come on over. One or two. Granted you a boon.

And me one or two. Wait, so you want them to stop listening to this show? Yes. The condition is they leave this show. All right. All right. Yeah, I got it. And, Dre, great to meet you.

Yeah, it's nice to meet you guys, man. Yeah, and shimmy. Yeah. What more needs to be said? Go, go. Okay, we'll see you later. Thanks, bye.