Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Can A Bird Do A Foxtrot? (Martin Starr, Erin Keif, Jon Mackey)

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Eight-timer Martin Starr visits to talk about his upcoming Hulu movie “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle,” as well as his role on “Tulsa King.” Then, returning guest Louie Pantano laments the lack of credit for his accomplishments as a seagull. Finally, we’re joined by first-time guest Dr. Reginald Barbary, who stops by to get medically medieval on your cloaca. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Anapamama Comedy bang, bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a thoroughly modern milly a week, let's Carol Channing speak. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Ah, that tickled me. Thank you to Dickie England

for that cashphrase submission submitted in January of 2023. Thanks so much for that. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have an exceptional show. Coming up a little later, we have a returning guest,

and we also have a physician. A physician is going to let us know everything about what they their specialty, I would imagine. Maybe they're more of a general broad practitioner. When I say broad, I don't mean, of course, a woman that we don't call women that these days.

That's not what this show's about. Because at Comedy Bang Bang, I don't know if I've mentioned it recently, but we care. Comedy Bang Bang, We Care. That's our new tagline for 2025. What do you think about that? Yeah, look at you. Yeah, yeah.

really love that tagline yeah that's a good one right that's the one it used to be uh humanities podcast i'll change it on apple music or whatever you people you know you people get your podcasts i'll change it so that's the heading that you see now do you do that for all podcasts or just mine i'm the guy that does that you're the guy i'm the guy you're so busy and yet you're doing all of this podcast work on the side yeah surprisingly not that busy because uh i've got a lot of time to do this Do you? Okay. Well, we'll talk about why you have so much time. Thank you. Let me introduce you. He is the star of so many television shows that you know and love growing up, freaks and geeks.

That's one. Silicon Valley. That's two. Yeah, we've reached our limit. I'm struggling to think of a third. That's it. That's it. That's so many, though. But so many, but he also is in a television show called Tulsa King. That's it.

And any other regular television work? That's pretty much... You've guest starred on a lot of stuff. Oh, buddy. You want to talk about Hawaii 5-0? I got you, dude. Coincidentally, I do. What's the 5-0 stand for?

The 50th state? That's right. Got it. Yeah, last one to concede or whatever. Because I thought that it was Alaska, but shouldn't it be called Hawaii 49? I'll, you know what? I'm going to go on Apple Music and figure this out. Okay, great.

so much. He's also been in movies. We're talking the 40-year-old Virgin. Oh, yeah. Right? Is that how old he was? Damn, that's late to get your first fucking, you know. Did you just put that together? That's what that title meant? Oh, I was like in my teens when we made

that one. Oh, right. Did you think it was a 40-year-old movie? That happened to be about a virgin? I was like my grandpa's 40. Like, what's going on? Yeah. Are you a virgin? He has a new movie coming up this Wednesday on Hulu called The Hand that Rocks the Cradle? Yeah. The hand?

The very hand that rocks the cradle? You can rock a cradle with many appendages. Sure. You could probably just lean into it with your side and it would kind of go back and forth a few times. Look at you. Avoiding appendages altogether. Yep. It would be uncomfortable to stand that way all night, perhaps.

Yeah. It would be a workout. Sounds like you've tried. Babies prefer the hand. So we went with the hand that rocks a cradle. And rocking the cradle, and that's why you went with that. In addition to the fact that it's a remake of a movie that was titled The Hand That Rocks. Wait, what?

Yeah, it's a remake. It's out on Hulu this Wednesday. I have seen the film, but let's welcome him. He is joining the exclusive eight-timers club here on Comedy Bang Bang. Wow. Please welcome back, Martin Starr. Hey. How's it going?

Now, not only are you joining the eight-timers club, but your first seven were before seven years ago. You haven't done the show in seven years. Yeah. Well, there's a reason for that. Is there really? I've been busy making candy. You are making candy. I buried the lead. I didn't talk about this in your introduction, but you brought some for everyone concerned here. It's called Sweetstash Jams. Yeah. And Sweet Stash is the company name I'm taking it. That's right. And Jams are the candy. Fucking, you're good at this, dude. And I'm surprised to learn that jams haven't been a candy up to this point. It seems like certain candies should have been called jams. Jam and, yeah, I think Bob Marley should have made jams.

I don't know why you didn't. Do you think you could license the Bob Marley song? How much could it possibly be to license the Bob Marley song for a commercial? Oh, God, that's got to be cheap, right? To get a sink license. That's got to be cheap, right? Like, who's going Bob Marley these days? Yeah, these are gummy candies that you decided to make.

You know what, let's forget about your movie and all the rest of me. Let's just talk candy. Wipe the slate. You, you, uh, these are candies in, gummy candies in the shape of musical notes. Yep. That you are making with some friends. Yep.

And these are sold nationally, internationally. Right now we're just in the Midwest, but we're, I mean, we're online so you can get them wherever you live, but, um. How's that work? Do you like, put them in a box and go down to the post office and. That's what we do. Yeah. And then you just wait at home and it eventually makes it way to you.

I mean, I guess people could order online then, come by, swing by, and pick it up. You could. Actually, no, we don't offer that service. You don't really, no swing bys? You know what? I lied. We don't do swing bys.

No swing. So where are you located out there in the Midwest? Omaha, Nebraska. Omaha, and that's where the factory is. That's where you make everything, package everything? We have a co-packer. Co-packer. What does that mean?

I think our co-packer is in Chicago. That should be a football team, shouldn't it? The Chicago co-packers. I don't think Chicago's going to want anything with the word packer in us. I don't know, though. I don't know. I once in 1993 was in the train station in Chicago.

Sorry, what year was that again? Ninety-193. Were you doing freaks and geeks at that point, or were you- You mean 1,993? That's right, 1,993. Okay. Were you born then? I would imagine you were, but...

Yeah. Real born. How born at that point were you? Oh, I was like 11 years born. 11 years. It's not yet barely legal. And you were... Whoa.

And you were... So I'm in this train station in 1909... I'm sorry, 1,993. Thank you. And someone is walking around in a Green Bay Packers full regalia. Hat, jersey, everything. Yeah. And then I spied two Chicago, people wearing the same outfit, but for the Chicago, whatever, bears, right?

Bears, yeah. And they conspired, and they said, let's go kick that guy's ass. Let's go push him into a corner and kick that guy's ass. You brought the two most hatingest teams in the NFL together to kick your ass? No, it wasn't me. I wasn't in the green baby. I thought you were, oh, I misunderstood. No, no, no.

They weren't conspiring to kick my ass, although they should have. Because that would have been an incredible story of connection and friendship. If I had gotten involved somehow in the story, like leapt up and called an officer or something like that. But you're making candy. And what do these taste like? Is it like fruit, sour fruit, sour, sweet? What are we talking? We run the gamma.

We got sours and sweets. Sours and sweets in the same packaging? Yeah. And how do people go? What is it? Sweetstash.com? It's more on the tart. Yeah, it's sweetstash.com.

It's more on the tart side. But, yeah, we like, we make a gum. Look, if you like gummy candy, give it a try. Just give it a try. I stand by it. What separates it from the other gummy candy? in the world. Is it the shape? Is it the flavor? Is it a combination of both? I'd say, the quality. The quality? We skimped

nowhere in making sure that it... Where do other companies skimp? In the... Artificial colors and flavors? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't use any of the stuff that we, that are knowingly, you know, carcinogenic or cancerous or, you know, whatever the fucking word for it is. Right, yeah. So, so no, no one's going to get sick eating. these things other than obesity? I hope not. Oh, okay. I mean, you could probably just, you could get sick if you put them in your nose. I guess so, and also by the way, you, that would make you sick. You can die from eating anything if you eat too much

of it. Thank you for pointing that out. I don't know how many pounds you would need to eat of this, but if you just kept eating it, it's actually the legal disclaimer that we have on the bag. Boy, I tell you, America these days, always having to put the, ever since that McDonald's cup spilled in someone's lap. Was that, wasn't that a 20 million dollar lawsuit? It was, but holy shit. Burn my fucking hand, dude.

When you actually investigated, she was in the right, but actually look up the story. Yeah, because it was so hot, wasn't it, that she had like third degree burns? Not only,

there was all sorts of mitigating factors, but, you know, Jay Leno dumps it down. It just goes, ah, why, someone spilled the coffee, they got $20 million. Jay? Hold on a second.

Jay Leno? Jay Leno. Did you ever see his, were you ever on his tonight show? Is he the waste that that rocks the cradle um no i i is he still around uh if you mean on television no if you mean off television yes okay but are we you know if we're off television or off podcasting like do we even exist

are we real that's right let's talk about your television work you're on these amazing amazing shows yeah you're also on tulsa king and uh with with one of our ambassadors uh yes he's an ambassador That's right. He is he's one of Hollywood's ambassadors. The great ambassador. Is he out there telling you what you can say, what you can't say? No. No. You just sticks to the work. Yeah, we have a very...

John Void's in the corner over here, kind of telling us what we can't say. Yeah, I mean, our views are different in a lot of ways, but when it comes to being on set and working together, I have a really great time working with him. Does he ever tell you rocky stories or anything like that, Rambo stories? Um, I, you know what? Not specifically. He talks about, he ever tell you a story and you think it's about him, but then it turns out he's just telling you the plot to Rambo 2? Twice. And I shouldn't have fallen for it the second time, but God damn, he just tells a good story. And I was like, holy shit, he's got me again. It's a great, great story. Yeah. Rambo 2 specifically. Uh, and then he also read me John Voitz autobiography. Oh, really? And I thought that was his life story until we got to the end.

So you thought he was in Midnight Cowboy, and anaconda? Good for you. That's what I kept saying as he was telling the story. Good for you. And then you happened to look just down waist level and you had John Void's book open in his. I didn't. I should have looked down. You know what?

That's a good idea. And I didn't think of it. Well, he's got such magnetic eyes. I was wrapped. Yeah. Yeah. Just looking at his eyes, even though he was looking at the book. I should have followed his eyes to the book.

You should have. Always follow anyone's eyes, wherever they go. I just follow eyes, man. So you're in the middle of the third season. That's airing right now. Yes. That's airing now when we start the fourth soon. So then you're doing this TV show.

That's right. And then suddenly you're in this movie? How does this work? Golly, I'll never know. These things baffle us, don't they? I don't get it. Now, I have seen this movie. Would that surprise you?

Yes. Especially with the hoops that fucking Disney makes you jump through to watch it. They said you're a screener and you had to like put in your password and a drop of blood. So I had to do a new pass. New password on, they go go to a mobile device and log into this. So I did. And then it says, go to a computer now and log into this. So I went and did that.

Then they go, go back to the mobile device and do this. Then I did that. P in a cup. They really get you with the Pee in a cup. The authenticator app. generating random fucking numbers every 60 seconds

I had to like then I finally found the numbers and I put them in and they were wrong and start all over with the whole process then finally I got to watch

this movie as the director intended with my email emblazoned across the screen the entire movie Michelle loves that aspect of it like specifically in fact everyone that watches on their Hulu account

their email is shows yeah it's it's a watermark intended movie and it's interactive in a way Yeah. You feel like you're a part of it. Exactly. But I've seen this movie.

It's great. It's a thriller. It is, of course, a remake of the thriller from the, I believe the 90s, Rebecca. 92. 92. Rebecca DeMorne is actually. I've not seen the original. Annabella Ciora.

You haven't. I have not. No, Scott hasn't seen. That's the title of my own. Scott hasn't seen? Is that the name of your new podcast? It's the name of my podcast has been going for four years now, actually. You've got to be on it.

Okay. I'm getting a verbal commitment from you Yeah You just talk about movies you haven't seen That's fun And I don't see them either Yeah Ever

I just talk about them Do you go based on title Or you how do we Do you read anything Wikipedia? I if you really want to get into the weeds On how this podcast is I love weeds

We talk before we watch the movie We talk about what we know about the movie From Cultural Osmosis We watch the movie And then we talk about that movie I think cultural osmosis should be the actual name of your new podcast. Yes, or cultural osmosis Jones. Thank you.

One of those. That needs a reboot. It really does. People are clamoring for it. Much like Tron. Did you see Tron? There's more of that? Can you imagine?

You have a Jared Letto kind of thing about you. Let me finish in the sense of you have... Oh, God. I have too much facial hair? You have a beard. Is this your Tulsa King beard or is this your... It's hard to take a compliment out of that. Um, yeah, this is my Tulsa King beard.

So this is the look that your character has on Tulsa King. I'm the Tulsa Prince. Are you, are you, are, do you, were you to arrive on set one day and just go like, you know, what? I just thought it would shit? What would they do? And that is my voice. Uh, I'm the, I'm clearly the Tulsa jester. And thank you for noticing.

Uh, no, I, I don't remember how things happen. But somehow I have long hair and a beard on the show. And I am slowly. Cutting my hair through the season that happens currently. Is that true? Because I just wanted it shorter. So, so episode one, it's, it's your normal Tulsa King length. Yep.

But at the end of episode one, you go, let me give this a little snip. No, no. Cut half an inch off? Close. We shot in blocks. So we shot like two episodes and two episodes, two episodes. And by the end of the season, in between each block, I got a little haircut. So it got shorter.

The end of the season, my hair is like four inches shorter than it was at the beginning. mention it of like, oh, I just got a haircut or it's just, it's just gradually gets shorter every two episodes. Nope. And no one ever says to you like, hey, I like your new look or anything like that. Nope. I mean, after a person gets to a certain age, you're in your 40s. Thank you. People should stop commenting on haircuts, right? Who gives a, you know what I mean? It's like, like, I'm 29. I don't need to. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're 29? 29, yeah. It's hard to believe. Damn. Especially since I just mentioned that I was in a train station in 1,993.

That was year one for you. That's right. And then I was one for a number of years. Yeah, at least four years. But the hand that rocks the cradle, you know, I've seen the movie, but let's talk about you. Are you constipated? What's going on over there? Let's talk about your character.

Some would be surprised you do not play the baby in the titular crew. cradle fucking dude come on spoiler alert for somebody people are people are hoping that uh whoever is rocking that cradle with that hand suddenly camera pans over maybe like swish pans over oh that would be amazing dude love a swish pan and and then your bearded face is just looking up from the cradle dude that would be amazing we got to do it again that's it i'm gonna call michel yeah i'm gonna call a director we're gonna do it again who who's this michel you mentioned her twice she's the director of the film. What is her last name if you don't mind you asking? Michelle Garza, Garza is her middle name. Honestly, that's as far as I've gone. Why read further at a certain point? Like, you're not going to be mentioning her last name to her all the time. Yeah, I've referred to her as Michelle Garza so many times that I forgot now her last name, which you're going to look up and say it out loud. I'm going to say it out loud. It is Michelle Garza-Servera. Yeah. And this is a dynamite thriller. I haven't seen the original.

but this is exciting you have She's such an interesting voice too Did you see her first movie? I didn't I want to though Wesera it's such an interest We were talking about babies before the show And you can By the way, my baby

Not just babies in general No I mean like we were kind of talking about all babies You were talking about your baby I was relating Fucking narcissist Yeah but I was talking about all babies Human kind of Also, we're talking about.

Human baby kind. So babies, adults, we were talking about just everyone on earth. Yes, just kind babies. Right. But her first film is about babies? It's about pregnancy. And if you, and I think you and I both, well, you said now you like babies. But when you were having baby one, which you've got three more on the way, right?

Oh. Well, I shit. Did I ruin it? You didn't know about them. Honey, are we having driplets? But I, I, I, when I was younger I wanted babies, now I'm like, I, I'm good. I'm good. I don't need it.

And this is, also your projects are like your babies. You know what I mean? Thank you for noticing. Oh, God. I really feel seen. And we're about to give birth with the hand that rocks the cradle on Wednesday. Yeah. Earing on Hulu.

And I give birth in the movie. That's true. Yeah. That's a big part of it. Well, what, you, because you're in the early part of the movie and then it like halfway through goes into a flashback of how the baby was born. Yep. And it's like, suddenly a cab

is driving down New York City and the cab driver's like, hon, con, con, con, con, con, con. Yep. And someone in the back is like, step on it. Yep. Here's, there's an extra 100 in it for you. If you get us there within the next five minutes. His water just broke. And then suddenly it pulls over to the, to the ER, but

they don't have time to get you in there and you just get birth right there on the sidewalk. That's it, dude. And then that little baby grows up to be Mary Elizabeth Winston. Yep, that's the pre, that's, they're just the pre-story in the beginning. That's the pre-story. And then, then you're also her best friend in this movie, which is interesting because I do a time jump.

You don't age at all in the movie. That's correct. But it's established you're a time traveler. But my hair gets shorter. At the end of the movie, I have a shaved head. It's great. You're going to love that. You're going to love this film.

You do play Mary Elizabeth Winzad, great, great actor who, of course, most people would know from season three of the comedy bang bang television show That's right She plays the lead The mother In this movie If you know anything about the plots

And then you also have Malcolm Monroe Who people would know Micah Micah Is that? Oh I'm sorry I don't have my glasses on And that I look like a no

Respect to your eyesight Which doesn't deserve respect Micah Monroe Who people would know From our good friend Longlegs Who's been on the show many times She's in that movie

the movie based on his life and your friend Kumeo was on the show with long legs I've heard of him about a year ago I believe Oh fun And she is the nanny To the child

She's the hand She's the literal hand You also have Raoul Castillo Who people would know from Task This season of Task And your buddy Ricky? Yes, who's, wait, who's Ricky? Ricky Lindholm is in it?

Oh yeah Ricky Of course plays your wife Girlfriend, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, were you not lawfully wedded? Whoa, whoa, man, hold on a second. Let me just get there, okay? And you have a very funny scene with Ricky early on, and then you don't show up for a little while.

I'm like, did this motherfucker trick me into coming on this show just any of us one scene in this movie? Enjoy my scene. Let me tell you, shit starts to get pretty real for Old Martin Star. Yeah. you have a very pivotal few moments in this movie, let me just say.

Yeah, people don't know what you mean. You... I have a baby. I have a baby in the movie. I'm pregnant. You do. That's the other thing.

Yeah. Well, that's the midway part, yeah, that we talked about before. But yeah, it's a thrilling movie. People can cuddle up with a loved one

or someone they barely know and watch this on Hulu starting this Wednesday. is exciting. The other title they were going to go with is watch out, colon, his water just broke. But we didn't, they decided to just go

with the old time. And it was, it was not the symbol the colon, it was watch out comma colon, meaning your colon. Yes, correct. Watch out colon, his water spelled out. comma colon. Watch out, colon. His water just broke. What do you think of that guy colon, pal? You know what? He calls

himself colon. He has, he has plausible deniability to call himself Colin. Wasn't he a general? And yet he goes around saying like, no, my name's colon, like correcting people. Like, I'm the thing that shit passes through. Yeah. Like, you just call yourself Colin, you fucking weirdo. No, please deserves colon.

He does. He does. Right. But you know who else deserves colon is Martin Starr? He is, uh... It's, it would be very funny if people just started referring to anal sex. Sorry if I'm going deep here as colon. I deserve some colon.

I'm going to give you. some colon tonight, sweetie. The hand that rocks a cradle out this Wednesday, Tulsa King out. What day do these come out every episode? They come out on a weekly basis, just like television shows have always come out since God intended. Thursdays, Tuesdays, what do we know? Yeah.

Yeah, just one of those days. Here's what I would do. I would turn on Paramount Plus, just leave it on and just hope it pops up. Yeah, that's good. That's a good advice. And so you're on several streaming services, Paramount Plus, Hulu. What's the next streaming service that Martin Starr is going to be? Oh, God.

To conquer them all. That is the dream. You're also on Max Silicon Valley repeats? I wonder if Freaks and Geeks is on Peacock. I wonder. It should be. That's a great show, by the way. If people have not seen Freaks and Geeks, there's one season of it.

22. Is that how many you made? Yeah, 18, 18. 18. 18. 18 hours of your life, but it's really 45 minutes because it was network TV. 18 hours, but it feels like four weeks. That's right.

So it's more like 14 hours if you take out commercials. So it's like, you can do that in a day. There's not a better time to be spent in front of your television than watching freaks and geeks. Such a great show. Our good friend Paul Feig made that show. Yep. Judd, Seth, Jason. A lot of.

All the greats. All the first names are the greats. Mm-hmm. And everyone still is tied. What about a reunion where you guys are like, what, what, how much, how many years have passed? Let me text them. I'm going to text them and we're going to make this happen for you. It was set in the, was it set in the 80s?

80, 1980. Set in 1980, how many years have passed since it was on 25 or so? Yeah, exactly, 25 years. So it would be 2005 if you were to do a reunion show right now. Yeah, if we were. Post 9-11. Oh, shit. bro we're getting deep

what do you think the characters are what's your character up to god um you know probably making candy probably is it the most autobiographical role you ever had obviously that's why I make candy now

that's right although you'd be making 2005 candy which is kind of what I did that's right this is the packaging it's real retro if we can talk about anything and let's not talk about the hand that rocks the cradle and all the hoops you have to go through in order to watch an early screener of it, which I don't think anyone has to, other than

me. Let's talk about the... If you love watermarks, I've got the movie for you. Sweetstash.com is the website. Just make it your homepage. How much... What's the cap on how much people can order of this? Like, do you cap it at like one bag per customer? I think we sell them in five

in groups of five online. I mean, the intention is to be in every, like, liquor store and stuff. Hopefully in the next six months, but Incredible. We're spreading. Are you going to make new candy? New types of candy.

Yeah, I think the next one will be a sour candy. A sour candy. I know that's where your thoughts went immediately. Mm-hmm. You like a sour. I like a sour. I also, people talk about it.

You like a sour. People do talk about how I like a sour. What about making a Reese's peanut butter cup? So here's the thing. That's kind of trademarked and would be really frowned upon in the... Frowned upon, but it's better to ask for forgiveness. then permission. It's sue.

We would get sued, like, pretty bad. We don't have that kind of legal team. Oh, really? What kind of legal team do you have? None. None? That's not true.

We have a lawyer in our midst. Okay. I'd love to represent you pro bono. I'm going to say no. Shit. I mean, I'll ask. I'm dying for some pro bono. I'll ask the guys I'm working with, but I'm just going to say no.

Then I have to say yes. I've got no choice. Well, sweet stash jams is the candy. You can order five bags at a time. That's right. You could do, you could order five bags, ten bags, fifteen bags, twenty bags, twenty five, thirty, thirty, thirty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, eighty, eighty, eighty, ninety, ninety, ninety, five. One hundred. Yeah. Yeah. And that's where you would say, guys.

Nope, you can keep going. You can keep going, really. Yeah. Have you ever done one of those things where people bid on stuff? you're going to have to be more specific so like imagine a world where people gather and they have these little plastic placards that look so stupid and they're kind of like those things

that you go to the optometrist and they cover one eye and then it's got a little number on it this little plastic thing it's like 294 and that's your number and then there's a dude up at a podium and he's like

check out this jacket from the 1400s it has emeralds on it and then he goes in the market for emerald jacket so yeah i knew it that's i could feel your energy um and then he's like okay how much we'll start our bidding off at five packets of candy and then you you know you gradually go up this is an auction that's what you're talking about no no oh okay this is just a get together yeah just friends emerald jacket get together just friends hanging out i think auctions would be better if they just told you how much at the thing cost, and then whoever had the money just paid for it.

Yeah, those fuckers. Right? Yeah. Anyway, the hand that rocks the cradle is out this Wednesday on Hulu. Martin Starr is our guest. We need to take a break. Can you stick around? Mm-hmm. An enthusiastic, mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. You're a member of the eight-timers club now. I need your support. Where's my jacket?

That's right. Well, this emerald jacket that I've been hearing about, I'm hoping that I can get this for you. I'm on board. Okay. We're going to take a break. We have a returning guest. We also have a physician coming up on the show. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang, we're back. Martin Starr, the hand that rocks the cradle. I'm not saying Martin Starr is the hand that rocks the cradle. Like if you were a giant hand. But you're not not saying it. That's true. Would you like to be a hamburger helper being if possible? That's a famous hand. I wouldn't have thought about there's like thing. Is that right? It.

It, cousin it. Wait, no, isn't Cousin It the hairy one? And then Thing is the hand? Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, Thing is the hand. I get confused because of the Fantastic Four thing. Right. Doesn't have hair famously.

And he's hard as a rock. That's right. Fucking notoriously. Notoriously. Hard as a rock. And that was his catchphrase before his clobbering time is, I'm as hard as a rock. And people were like, all right. All the women got a little weirded out.

Yeah, because of his very minor bowl. That's right. But if you had the opportunity, if a genie were to come down and say, I'll grant you one wish, but it has to be hamburger helper related. What would you wish for? Fuck. That's a good question. Thanks, man. Fucking, yeah.

How long have I been doing this show? 16 years. That's it. That's the kind of questions that you come up. But you have the wisdom of a man who's been doing it 17 years. I'm an old soul in that way. Are I not? Yeah.

By the way, WTF, just last episode, last week. It's not going anymore. So you can't get on that anymore. Wow. But that's what you were hoping. This was my springboard. This was my springboard. I actually, something came up.

I got to go. Not related to what you just said. I'm expecting a big influx of guests now that that show's not around. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because, like, I got to be honest. You're a movie star.

I haven't had a lot of movie stars on this show recently. Adam Pally last week, who considers himself to be a movie star. He's a guy who's been in movies. Yeah. You've had Kumail Nanjiani. That's right, yeah. He's one of the stars of Eternals. Yeah.

As well as... I really love that movie. Yeah. As well as what's the Uber? Stuber. Yep. Those are the two movies he's done. And then also the one with Issa Rae where he broke into someone's house.

Then there's the third movie that he did. Yeah. but that's it he's a fucking movie star though but we had so many movie stars on this show for a while and then he's also a broadway star now that's right yeah oh mary and then suddenly uh uh uh wtf comes along and they they steal all the movie stars away so i've been forced to have on like tv stars and fucking novelists sometimes and comedians so sorry you don't deserve that comedians with specials and so oh god so um i'm just i'm so i'm just i'm so glad that he's not doing that show anymore because I

just imagine the movie stars are going to come in. And who was the host of it? Zach Braff? I think so. Wasn't he? God, he was great, wasn't he? He was great. How does he find the time between his commercials? Yeah, and just being a doctor. That's right. A lot of people didn't know Scrubs was

a documentary. Yep. About his life. And God, they were goofy. They were just some goofy. He was just a goofy guy. And the camera followed him around expecting to do a documentary on the horrors of working in a hospital. And then they were like, this guy's so goofy. Let's just turn it into a show.

They were like Robin Williams in that movie Happy or whatever it's called. Happy Doctor Man. Happy Doctor Man. That's right. You remember that movie? He was the Happy Doctor. That's, you know, you should come on. Scott hasn't seen because I haven't seen that movie.

You want to do Patch Adams with me? Yeah. Let's do Patch Adams. All right, we're going to set this up. I'm holding you to do this. Happy Doctor Man. I have a verbal commitment from you, much like when you're on a plane and you're sitting in an exit room. All right. We need to get to our next guest. I mentioned a returning guest is on the show. They have been on before. Let's welcome them back. They are a seagull. Please welcome Louis Pantano.

Thank you so much for having me back, Scott. I'm back, Scott. You're back, yes. How is it going? Louis. This is Martin Starr. Hi, hi. Hey, nice to meet you. Louis. Louis. Yes. Yeah, so good to see you. You're a seagull for those of you who, well, we don't film the show. For those of you listening, Louie is a seagull. Yeah, just DM me on Instagram. I'll send you a photo. Yeah, thanks. Yeah. You get a lot of those DMs. You respond to all of them, right?

I send photos of seagulls always. So this will finally be the appropriate response. You're just standing on the table next to the mic. Right, sort of just eye in this candy. But first, I want to thank you for letting me crash with you for as long as I've been with you. Yeah, it's no problem. I mean, I've been sleeping in your car and your backyard. It really helped me get back on my feet.

Yeah. Is that your nest in the corner? Uh, yeah. Um, do you want a little tour? Honestly, yeah, that'd be cool. I've never toured a nest before. These are my rocks. These are my sticks.

This is my porn. Whoa. This is my French fries. Back up, back, but what's up. Hold on a second. You're porn? Yeah, I like to hold it in my hands. I'm old-fashioned in that way.

I think everyone holds it in their hands when they're looking at porn. Yeah. Not when it's on a computer. Oh, never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that? Notice there's a lot of colon porn. Yeah.

I mean, we all have our preferences. By the way, you said that as a symbol, by the way. There's a lot of colon. Yeah, poor, yeah. Yeah, sorry. I'm not going to shame a seagull who likes anal sex, are you, Martin? Whoa. We call it colon around here.

That's right. We call it just deserving colon. Scott's such a good guy. He's helping me get back on my feet. I've been... Your webbed feet. Yeah. Sorry, I don't mean to point out the differences between our feet.

Yeah, I guess our feet are. different. I didn't even notice until you said that. Well, thanks. Well, you've been looking at the eyes, but of course, you have to look at where the eyes follow. Yeah, you like my beady eyes. They're very cool. Right now, you're just looking at the candy. Yeah, it's just interesting, you know, because it smells a certain way

and it looks a certain way. Do you want some of the candy? No, no, no, no. I'm watching what I eat. I'm on dancing with the stars right now, so... Really? Yes. What do you mean by the? Are you competing? Yeah, I would say that in a way. You know, I'm just... You would say that with the public at large?

say something like that? Well... I watched that show weekly and I don't remember... Andy Richter is on it this week. Right. This week? Yes.

This season. Yeah, I guess I was... He's beloved by the audience. You don't remember a seagull swooping down and sort of biting at their hair while they're trying to do it? Oh, yeah. That's you.

Yeah, that's me. Yeah, that was a... Oh, okay. ...piece of television history whereas a seagull attacked Andy Richter and tried to bite his hair. Andy Richter was doing a dance, and I just sort of swooped down.

He was doing the Rattitude. He danced last week on dancing with the stars, and I sort of swooped down and started pecking out his eyes. But, you know, I've been doing that to other people on the show, too. Robert Irwin, Steve Irwin's son is the contestant this year. Oh, yeah, poor guy. Was he famous for just being a son? Yeah, I think he's also sort of continuing his father's work and, like, caring about the environment of animals.

What was his father's work? Just being happy around animals? Wasn't that it? Got it. Sorry, maybe I'm a little sensitive because he cares about us animals. Robert Irwin is actually one only people who have been nice. Until you attacked his eyes? Well, I wanted to dance with his partner.

I wanted to dance and get some votes. Oh, you don't even like him that much. You wanted his partner. Well, I just, I know that being on Dancing with the Stars can sort of revamp your career. And Martin, you get that this business is hard to be. And we get. Sure. Not everyone has a television show and a movie all in the same month.

And a candy business at the same time. Yeah. I got a backup plan. And Martin, it's nice that we're finally meeting face to face. Not, I have no hard feelings. You've sort of been icing me out of the business. even taking my roles for quite some time. Oh, wait, you auditioned for some of Martins?

I'm so sorry. I honestly had no idea. You don't remember me being in the audition room with you? Which project? I did get attacked by a seagull in an audition. That was me! You remember! No shit. Yeah, that was me.

Oh, that was fucked up. Yeah, that was for knocked up, I think. I had to do that audition with a bloody nose. But you got the part, so, huh? I think they just felt bad for me. You helped me. I wouldn't have gotten that job if it weren't for you. percentage of your jobs did people feel bad for you

and just gave you the part? I'm being totally honest, I think all of them. 100%? Yeah, there's pretty brutal. Judd looked me in the eye one time and said, everything you can do, Martin can do better. And that was sobering. And a lie.

Because you can't fly, right, Martin? I mean, absolutely correct. You've never flown. I've never dive-bombed an actor in an audition and given them a bloody nose. You clearly are better than me at that. Yeah, but what am I doing wrong here, you know? that's right you want to be did we talk about this last time you want to be an actor is I am an actor I just don't have work right that's the attitude I mean that is the attitude yeah I am an actor that's the attitude and have you ever been paid for acting well Scott I feel like do you always do this thing and you split hairs about what I'm talking about I don't mean to be pedantic wouldn't it be splitting feathers

fuck see Robert Irwin wouldn't be making jokes like this because he cares he thinks that we matter you know what I'm saying Shut up. That was funny, dude. That was fucking funny. This is what I'm saying, though. Every time I walk into a room, I can hear Martin kill it in an audition. He's so funny. He's so funny.

And then I go in, and it's just crickets. Well, I mean, you've been on the show once before. Do you eat the crickets? Yes, sometimes I eat the crickets. So crickets are a good thing. So you get a good response? No, I'm saying crickets because it's quiet. And so crickets then start to sing.

Crickets aren't quiet? They're quiet when they're quiet when people are laughing. Crickets are fucking loud. Oh, my God, Scott. All right. I'm going to pack all my rocks and sticks and porn into my little bindle. Don't, please don't go. No, here I go.

Who cares? Doesn't matter. Louis's been living here for the past year. I'll go back to. No, but don't leave. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shut the fuck up. Oh.

You're funny, but shut the fuck up. Okay, sorry. No, no, I get it. I am, I'm going to just do one more week of dancing with the stars and then I'm going to get on a bus and I'm going to go back home. I'm sorry, Louie. No, I know that's usually followed by something like, I didn't mean it, please stay, but I don't mean either of those things.

I just wanted to say. I'm ready for your apology, and I'm ready for you to beg me to say. Scott! I hate to get into semantics here, but I don't think crickets sing. Oh, my God. What? They rub their tiny legs together. That's right.

It's more of a violin. They're kind of playing an instrument, which is their body. Why do they do it? That's a weird thing to do. Well, singing is playing an instrument that's your body. I could get on board with that, I guess. Thank you. What was last time you ate a cricket, smart ass?

Yeah, smart ass. Okay, everyone's going to feel like I'm in high school again. Yeah, who's putting me in a locker? You guys are being real bullies right now. Maybe we can play bullies on the Freaks and Geeks Reboots. Well, I auditioned for that, and they said I was too freaky and too geeky. Oh, no. It's happening already?

Yeah, well. Martin, do you not know about this? Honestly, that's a talent to be in both camps? Yeah. Yeah. Because they were like, you look a lot like James Franco. But then also you're a geek. If James Franco were a bird.

Yeah, if he was a seagull. Yeah. You have a very symmetrical seagull face. Thank you. I think I'm handsome for a seagull. Also, you're missing one of your appendages, much like him in that 127 hours. Which one? I'm not getting a great look at you, but it looks like you're kind of walking on one leg.

Oh, my God. What happened? Oh, my God. Scott. What's something happened? A wing? Is that what it's missing? I've been clipped.

Oh, no. Oh, my God, Scott. Scott. Yes She was in a show called Clint Harsh Can I be on Freedom now, Scott? I'd swoop in and I try to be on that show

Every time you record it Yeah, no, I'm sorry We're not taking any newcomers on Newcomers, just like Lauren Lapkis Oh my God, stop talking about her so much Nice I miss Lauren Oh God

Where is she? I actually came for her Yeah, sorry, she's on my other show Which is on Thursday, this is the Monday show She's got charm This is the other show show pack all my stuff take everything with me yeah i put it in my bin no no don't go don't please here i go it's about that time to fly south for the for the winter anyway right i live in

los angeles yeah but i mean it's kind of the the weather's not that great today it's getting a little crisp here you know why you'd fly down to south america or something yeah wouldn't you say you used to live in los angeles because you're kind of moving out right right just like billy joel you could go anywhere we wish laura did something called moving out I um no I get it and you guys

you think I'm not talented enough to make it in the business no you're too freaky and geeky yeah you're too much of a good thing

yeah which is coincidentally a bad thing if only they would let me do a full dance on dancing with the stars and I could be

in the hearts of America can you show us can you show us your dance what you well like have you have you choreographed anything

I just do you wear shoes ever like when you're could you tap dance I could try. Try to tap dance right now. Here's some bottle caps. You can put...

It's a little humiliating. Yeah, on the bottom of your feet. Just try to tap dance. Those don't look comfortable. Here we go. If you're blue and you know where do go to why don't you go where fashion sits putting on the rits.

I mean... Part is not bad. I wish that Louie wasn't singing. David Habita. Yeah. Because that's not part, forgive me, but dancing was the star. My ankle. Oh, oh, Scott, my ankle.

Oh, no. It's not dancing and singing with the stars. It's just dancing. What happened to your ankle, dear? Oh, it looks bad. Oh, the bottle cap. Is your blood blue? Yeah.

Just like. Weird. Tom Selleck? Exactly. Oh, God. Oh, my God. we taped tonight, we taped tonight in Burbank probably, right?

That's probably where they film it, oh my God. Probably at Disney, right? Oh, gas, at Disney, oh my God. I actually don't know. Do you know where they tape Dancing with the Stars? Yeah. Are you going on? In my backyard.

Oh, they do, really? Yeah, yeah. Have they ever asked you on that show? Have you ever gotten a call? Well, yeah, because I live so close. Yeah, that makes sense. The producers are always walking through the house, use a bathroom or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. They're like, you should. and then they stop there. I assume they're going to say, come on the show. And the musicians, those are yours, right? Those are my musicians. Yeah.

It's a gorgeous backyard. Thank you. Louis, what's going on? Dancing with the Stars is about having a comeback. And I've never even arrived in the first place. That's the thing is you've got to be famous enough to, you know, I mean, look, I've never been asked to be on Dancing with the Stars. I had a TV show for five years.

No one watched it. That's the problem. I can't come back from being a nobody. You do have like a Lisa Kudrow vibe. Like, you should have a comeback, but you do need to. I audition for that show. You need to come the first time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got to come the first time. You know what, I, like everyone else, I got off the bus in Los Angeles and I thought I was going to make it. Why did you take a bus here? Because with a seagull, they don't let you on an airplane. Were you on the top of the bus? Is that what? Yes. Oh, okay.

No seagulls on a bus. airplane like everybody going into show business i slept with carol channing like everyone else did i paid my dues hold on hold on what quiet did you did you know that that bird that that uh ran into the our good friend sully's holenberger's plane oh all those seagulls yeah yeah did you know them yeah i went to high school at that oh my god yeah and they made something of their famous yeah do you know that sully fucking paid them to do that what yeah oh my god it's a big it was a setup it was a setup Sully was like, hey, fellas, why don't you fly in? Do they know what was going to happen once they flew?

No. What did they think they were going to do with the money? I guess in their seagull wheels? Well, they all had gambling problems. Oh, they paid off their deaths. Yeah, it's common within the seagull community. Got it, got it, got it. Are you the same?

Sorry to derail this. Yeah, please. But are you the same seagull that hit, you know, in the face on the roller coaster? I can't believe there's no bother. Yeah. Who is that? that was me yeah that was me Fabio is that

yeah I just I just quoted his most famous moment in pop culture See I've been working You know Are you the one who shit on Cindy Lopper Yes Damn that's that was fucked up

But but Hitting Fabio was I give you kudos Because I think that took balls That took real Yeah that hurt me too Because I heard it was your balls That actually broke his nose When they hit

Yeah thank you And I get no credit for that It's not even on my IMDB. So it took balls. Cindy's not on my IMDB. I have an IMDB plus account now because they heard us talking about it on Freedom so much and gave us freelance. So I'll try to add that.

Yeah, will you? To your IMD. It's Louis Pentano. Pantano, yes. Pentano. Are you the, wait, there's four Louis Pentanos. Oh, my God. I don't even have my name in SAG.

Oh, my God. Oh, you're a crew member too? What do you? These are all grips. It looks like. Oh. Yeah. Every time I've been on any set up and fired.

I'm just a loser. I'm just a loser that hires task rabbits to come to your house so I can hang out with someone and talk to someone. By the way, they're not actual rabbits. I keep telling you that. One day, I think I'm like, oh, a funny, a funny handyman. You're looking for a friend. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm looking for something. I'm sorry, Louie, but I don't think it's working out between us. No, Scott, please. Just like two, three more years. And then I don't have that. I don't have that kind of time with you. You barely notice that I'm here.

I sleep in your car. That's the thing. I don't like you sleeping in my car because it has a certain birdy smell. Why do you leave the window down every night? Well, you know, I got to air it out from the previous night of the smell. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that actually makes sense. I see how it is.

I'll go stay with Martin for a little while. Okay. And then I'll fold back in. That sounds good. I do have a big backyard and you're kind of already hanging out in my backyard off. and yeah just go into the main house from the dancing with the stars backyard yeah i just want to be where the people are you know i just want to be in this you know you want to be where the people are i want to see i want to see them dancing with the stars got come on please martin you have such

staying power in this business you've been doing this 25 years you've been on this grind for 25 years you have a new movie out weirdly accurate yeah i'm old i'm ready to and you work with the same people yeah Please don't say that. We love you. You'll never make it to the 10 timers club. On this, whoa, there's a 10 timers club? Hell yeah. All right, I'll stick it out.

I'll stick it out. I'll stick it out. Adam Scott is in like the 25 timers club. Who? I just want, yeah, I just want a little bit of what you have. You want to taste. You want to wet your beak. Yeah.

Literally. It's not, and you're not even just doing art. You're working with the same people over and over again that love you. You got a nice beak. But you have a nice body. Thank you. Is that weird to say? It's a ton of, I got up like, I had like $600,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Basically, none of this is real. Wait, is that where my $600,000 went? Yeah. I was going to say your beak looks really plump. Yeah, that's filler. I got my account statement back this month. I noticed a little discrepancy of $600,000. Come on.

Some of that's you, too, Scott. You've gotten some work done. I mean. By the way, your beak looks really good, too, Scott. Thank you so much. I got one added. Really plump. Yeah.

That's what you want in a beak. I got a facelift. They got a beak plumping. I got my ass done. I got a facelift and then a face lowered because I didn't like the way they lifted it. Yeah, it's like up down. You sort of like, up down, up down. Up down, up down.

They're like, what is this? It's an elevator? Oh, God. Yeah. I'm just a seagull with a colon porn addiction. Yeah. Who lives with his best friend Scott. That's accurate up to, you know, the last couple of words.

Wait, did you change your name? Martin? You are on my last nerve! Next time I come back, I'll land on one side of the fence or the other. I'm going to try one more time, swooping down on dancing with the stars, trying to get some votes. Try it one more time. If you don't get any votes, just stay there, okay? Bring your nest, bring your bags, everything over there, and then if you, you know, and then never come back on the show.

All right, I'm going to try to do a fox trot on tonight's show. and when it goes well though Scott and I become a billionaire and I'm in the hearts of America you'll be sorry and you'll be begging me to move back in here probably but I am willing to take that chance

can a bird do a fox trot oh my god on the next comedy bang bang well we do you know you joke but we do have to take a break right now Louis I wish you the best of luck by the way your t-shirt is still in the stores I believe yeah I think so

your what was it again neck up no what was it ass up neck back that's the way I like to snack something like that something like that put it in my colon you can still get those shirts at uh uh wherever you get our comedy bang bang t-shirts i don't remember the address but we do have to take a break when we come back we have a physician on the show this is very excited oh you can look at my ankle i need one actually so this would be in the market yeah okay this is a great audition um all right we're going to come right back we're going to have more Martin Star, more Louis

Pentano number four on IMDB. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang. We're back. Martin Starr is here. The Tulsa Jester himself. You play a

person with a very particular set of skills in this television show if I'm not mistaken. You make it sound like Ocean's 11. And I'll take that. You're not a contortist who hides in small spaces. Am I not?

But you do run a dispensary, is that right? Are you still doing that in season three? Yeah. Yeah. You into weed? Not especially, but I wouldn't mind some if you brought some. Did you bring some weed as well as this candy? Is it kicking in yet?

Holy shit. Did you drug all of us? I don't know, dude. But that bird is high as hell in the corner. Do you like my new beard? You're levitating about three feet off the ground. But your wings are clipped, so that's a real conundrum. Yeah, this candy is.

Something else. Louis Pentano, of course, we're talking to a Siegel who is here attempting to be on this week's Dancing with Stars. You can watch tonight and tomorrow night with our good friend Andy Richter, who I believe he must be in the 10 or 12th timers club, I would imagine. Oh, wow. Not that it's a competition, Martin, just saying. Ah, fuck you, Scott.

If you had been on in the last seven years, you would have eclipsed him and Adam Scott probably combined. But, you know, you didn't invite me. Well, how am I ever supposed to invite you? You never give me your email address. Scott, you could have my email address. It's on every screener we send you, okay? No, no, that's when you're watching your own screeners, that's your email address. When I watch my own screeners, it's my email address.

I keep sending you screeners and wondering why you don't email me. All right, we need to get to our next guest. He is a physician. First time on the show, he's joining the exclusive one-timers club. Please welcome Reginald Barbary. Oh, hello, gentlemen, and bird. Hello. Hello, bird.

I love that you've got a bird in here. Yes. You know, it used to be Humanities podcast, then it was Humanity and the Animal Kingdoms podcast. It's beautiful, you know, I love to go into a space that's just, it's pristine, but then there's a bit of filth, right? Yes. I just love a bit of filth in the corner. Just a bit of filth. Is he talking about me?

Wow. You're a fist. A filthy little animal, aren't you? Wow, it's beautiful. Wow. You did just take a shit. Oh, wow. I'll take that as a sample for later.

I just want to check on you. What does that mean? A sample for later? Yes, you know, I want to make sure that this bird are outwardly filthy is internally okay. Usually it's a urine sample. I mean, I've given, I have. Oh, Scott.

Come to think of it, I have given a shit sample. You just put... Yes, exactly, of course. You put raw shit in your pocket. Of course. Of course. You don't have some sort of a... Bag or something?

No. At least. I have all sorts of bags, the bags of my body. You know, my hands, my, my mouth, my, my, my, I guess those aren't. Oh my gosh. There's bags everywhere. Wait, did you just put that shit in your mouth? Yes, it's nature's bag.

Oh my God, this is really working for me. Yes, it's nature's bag. Why would you need any other utensils? Okay. Yes. And also, I just want to let everyone know. Yes. I do, I know that I'm not dressed like a typical 20-25 physician, you know, I'm in a

tunic and I've got some implements that you may not be familiar with. We know that, but it's good that you tell the list. I know it's an audio medium. It's as if, it's as if, what did you say? Audio medium. Audio medium. It's an audio medium. Yes, of course.

Yes. And so I just, I just wanted to get that out of the way. You know, my methods may be a little unorthodox. What are your methods? Well, of course, putting shit in my mouth, like from a bird. Honestly, I haven't been to a physician in so long. I don't even know what's orthodox anymore. And I'm so glad that I'm here.

for you, Martin. Yeah, do you want to give Martin a checkup or anything like that? I would absolutely. If you would consent to a checkup on, maybe you should check up on Louis because this is the first time I've ever seen a bird

with an erection. Oh, wow. It won't be the last. You're curly little finger. Well, yes, I'd love if anyone needs a checkup, I'd be glad to do it. Wait, can you describe what you do

before we consent to a checkup? Of course. I am Reginald Barbery of Reginald Barbery's medieval medicine factory. We share it. We share it. Did you really ask any of that?

I just said, what do you do? I just want everyone else out there to know if they are, if they are in need. You can Google it. Save it for the plugs. Yes. Okay. Of course. My apologies, I just...

Get to your thing, dear. Well, I'm just a doctor who's looking to make sure that people are healthy. You know, I know we're in a moment in time. Typical doctor trying to make people healthy. Yes. But I believe that things have gotten a bit too complicated. complicated in the health space with research and development. We've got all these diagnosed.

Yes. Yes, you know it. Uh-oh, Scott. He's an anti-vaxxer. No, no, no, no. I am not an anti-vexer. I'm just a, I believe that the vaccines that we've got are a bit too complicated. I don't know how far we want to go.

Yeah, I had to pull this thread. I know that your eyes lit up because of pulling the threads to make nests. Exactly. But what do you believe? What are we getting too complicated? Tuck your feathers around your erection because it's really distracting. You don't like that it looks like a corkscrew?

Do you know that that's true? I can see it's true. I may if Google do birds have penises earlier and with surprise to see this. And I just want you to know, Louie, I've seen everything. I'm not made uncomfortable by your corkscrew erection at all. Are my humor's imbalance? Well, if you'd like me to check, I would love to

if you would submit to a physical examination. What exactly do you think is so complicated? Are you getting out a wine bottle? Yes, of course. You drink a sip, I drink a sip. We get a little loose. Are you going to use her dick for the... To uncork the wine bottle?

Holy. Well, it's got many uses. You know, we know a cloaca, which is what a bird's penis. Actual sexual organ is referred to. It's used for many things. Are you a veterinarian? I'm trying to... What is your thing?

You know, I'm an every... I care about health scar. I can help anyone. I can help a person. It's C block. Get to your thing. I just want to make sure you're all healthy. You know, it's all it is.

We were so close. You said that you think things are getting too complicated these days. And now you're back to, you want to make people healthy. That's my whole thing. What is it so complex? It's just there's been so many different tools invented. MRIs, cat scans. Sure.

There are plenty other ways that you can decide whether you can do, of course, the classic but huffing. What? Which is, of course, where you take the gases released by a person, whether it's for mouth or any other office. Okay, my erection is singing right now. Keep going. You ingest those gases. You sort of feel them inside of you.

You make a diagnosis, and then you treat from there. That's what I'm sure. I guess I haven't heard of this particular. I mean, none of this pertains to our bird friend here. Not exactly. It pertains to everyone. No, no, I get it. It's bloodletting or leeches.

It's like these old. Yeah, but you can't release gas. Oh, this is true. You would explode. I've always heard if you give a bird rice. Or any, that sort of thing that would create. Alka-Seltz or tablets. Oh, that's right.

I think a kid did that at my middle school when I was younger. Sick. Yeah, it was pretty sick. Yeah, that's the way I said it. It's troubling. It's troubling. Gang, gang, as they say. Just had a bunch of Mentos and Coca-Cola.

Is that the wrong move? Uh-oh. This could cause you to explode sooner than I thought. You may explode here a moment. Do you want to do an operation, by the way? If anyone would like to, I would have. No, I mean on Louie. Do it to me.

I would love to do this. All right, Scott, Martin, I need you to look away or look directly at me. Either one. Okay. I can agree to those terms. Okay, so of course, what we first do, I rub your, I guess, throat to relax you. I think that's how birds relax. So I would rub your throat, and I'd place my mouth, aka nature's bag, over your mouth.

And then I would inhale as you exhale, okay? On three, one, two, three. Yes, okay, of course, of course. allow this gas to sort of exist inside this is the huffing that you were talking about this is yes yes normally with it can be either but or it can be a mouth it can be burp or fart as you would call it

um but louis have you ever tasted your own shit before was that your first don't ask questions you don't want the answer to you it seems it seems uh it seems it seems that you do have a bit of a stomach issue he's amazing he's a genius

I mean we said this wow oh my god We were saying, do you want to operate on him? I love science. Science is amazing. You know, I'm more of a diagnostic doctor. Oh, okay.

You passed that on to the... What is that based on? You just diagnosed? Yes, people come to me. I do a procedure. I diagnose them, and then I sort of pass them off to many of my other colleagues who do different sort of surgeries. Do you want to diagnose either of us? I would love to.

Martin, would you like to be a participant in some... Sure, yeah. Okay, would you prefer mouth? Would you prefer bot? Is this the only thing you do? It's quite, it's a large portion of my business, Scott. Yes, it is. What percentage would you say?

I would say it's about 90% this and then 10% clerical work. You know, it's 90% diagnosing through various. Dignosing exclusively just in the huffing someone's... Yes, and I use the tools. I use the tools that were given to me in the best possible way. Right. Yes. Esophagus or colon.

I'm either one yeah which would you prefer oh I'm uh those are the only I suppose you could spit into my hands oh yeah yeah okay of course and he's my hands also known as nature's bowl oh yeah boy I really filled up your hand yes sorry about that no this is quite a specimen that was a lot just sort of shake around yeah I sort of inhale just the fuse oh that's drinking you actually drank generally yeah but that's what's you would consider drinking. Oh, my God. Yeah.

That was, there's none left. You even, your hands are dry. I don't know how you did that. You would think there'd be some saliva from you left on your hands. No, you know, my, okay, Martin. Yes. I sense. What do I have, Doc?

Give it to me straight. You know, I would say, you potentially have also some sort of stomach issue. Oh, my God. He's a genius. It's just maybe in the realm of a, sort of um ibs uh some something yeah that yes of course um and i'm sitting right now that's why i didn't want you to do the colon does ibs make you shit more too i'm wearing a diaper just just to be clear yeah so you don't worry about your chairs oh thank you i appreciate that yes uh yes uh so yes you do

seem to have some sort of um stomach issue uh i also may be getting a sense of uh sort of uh he's good frequent headache maybe or maybe uh i feel one coming on right now oh i'm sorry you and the listeners i believe um but yes i'd be happy to sort of hand you off to one of my colleagues uh if you'd like um if that makes sense for you yeah if you've got the time or anything like that i would love yeah do basically how how much of the time do you diagnose that someone has a stomach issue are your colleagues like uh as um What do they use modern practices? Uh, no, no, of course not.

We're sort of part of a, I guess in the modern day, you'd call it an HMO or some sort of We say the modern day. Are you a time traveler of some sort? Oh, I've lived for hundreds of years, yes. Oh, and that's why I would say you should trust my abilities because I have kept myself healthy for. How many of your patients have lived that long? You know, I don't do many follow-ups.

You don't get a lot of return business. No, I, because as I see it, they are immediately sort of taken care of after. Here's, I'm just going to hazard a guess as to what's going on. You're some sort of Highlander and much like Highlander there can be only one and you think that your techniques are what

has kept you alive for hundreds of years. Oh. But it's actually some sort of mystical. You're saying there's some sort of enchantment or some would say curse for immortality. Exactly, yeah. That is not shared by the rest of us so these techniques are actually bad for us.

That's a very interesting point, Scott. You know, I've never sort of considered the fact that maybe I have sort of wronged or righted some magical being who has allowed me to... This would have happened hundreds of years ago. Maybe your memory doesn't stretch that far back. What's the first thing you remember? Oh, the first thing I would say probably the Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction. Back in 2000.

You did that? Wait, was that you, though, Louis? Did you fly in there? Oh, yeah, that was me. I thought it was Justin Dipperly. I ripped her bra. Oh, my God. Wow.

Honestly. Big fan. Big fan. Yeah, I never get credit for it. And you know what? I mean, that being your earliest memory, I can't remember too much before that either. Right. Yeah, you know, and that was such a pivotal moment in all of our consciousness.

You know, it does seem as sort of a reset point culturally. That's when I came online. Exactly. Was that your first gork screw? Oh, yeah, big time. Also, whatever you're doing is working for me. Lighting a cigarette. That was incredible.

Oh, you're a smoker. Yeah, big time. Well, only after I finish, huh? You get it. Oh, wow. You've climaxed here. Oh, yeah, your feathers do look ruffled. Yeah.

That is absolutely fantastic. A little sweaty, little ruffled. Awesome. That is awesome. Do you, has anyone else been chasing you trying to kill you so that they can achieve immortality? Oh, well, to say that I've got enemies would be an understatement. I don't want to do an understatement then, so.

No, no, no. I've got many, many people who are following me. now that you mentioned it, Scott, yes, there's been a few different people. It's why I've had to sort of move my practice to various different locations. I didn't know that you had to do that, so I didn't... Yes, no, I'm glad you brought it up. And that's why I won't reveal the location of my practice. How do you expect to get any business, that?

It's a difficult time. Doing things like this, Scott, sort of finding... What did you say earlier when you shouldn't have plugged it? You mentioned your business and didn't you say where it was? I was about to, but then I realized. I'm glad you stopped me, Scott. I'm glad you stopped me, because if I had, then it would have revealed it for all of my enemies. There were a bunch of people outside in, like, uh, tattered clothes that were chanting,

we want the doc. And I, and I, and I wonder, such a strange thing to chant. Yeah, I didn't make sense. Yeah, I was like, I were talking about scrubs. And it's confusing because they're talking about the Springsteen dock or, yeah, or scrubs. And we don't know their perspective, exactly. We want the doc could be many things. It could be, we want treatment.

We want diagnosis or it could mean we want to cut his head off and hand it to the children that he's wrong. Someone had a mistake. So I'm guessing it's the latter. So I appreciate you allowing me to barricade myself here in your studios. Well, you know, I mean, I get a lot of people who come on this show and want to hang out afterwards for a certain amount of time. If that's an option. I mean, I moved in. How do you feel about sleeping in a car?

Oh, I got to go soon. I've never slept in what you would call a car. Have you ever been on Dancing with the Stars, by the way? I wish. I wish I did catch that through. What dance do you think you would be the best at the Foxx? Probably the one that you see in sort of TV shows set in the medieval times where they sort of have their arms like this up up in a sort of teapot shape and they point and that they sort of hand each other off. No, I've never been asked, Scott.

I've never been asked. With like a round gourd with strings attached to it, like a ukulele, but. Yes, and there's someone playing an instrument that no one actually knows the name of. It's got some strings on it. It looks like a guitar, but it is not a guitar. Not a lute, not a guitar. No. Does it have a crank on it maybe, too?

Yes. There's also keys. There's millions of different things. I have no idea. Doug, I got a question for you. I know that there's a huge rise in sort of alternative medicine.

Of course. Yes, the Maha movement. Yeah. Not believing in science. Are you getting more business now? Do you get to that? I am getting more consultation. Yes, I am indeed.

People are... Has the government approached you to work with them at all? Because I think of the, you know, Surgeon General... I would like to say I did... Is that what he is? The Surgeon General? Surgeon General RFK

Is that what? Health in Human Services. I did receive a letter from him asking me for a consultation to take a meeting with him. Oh, okay. And did you all see recently where he said that

circumcisions cause autism? That would explain it. That's my fault. I'm the one that put the worm in his brain, by the way. That was also me. Again, not on my IMDB. And he said circumcisions

of like really large penis. Is that why I got the diagnosis I got? I don't believe he clarified, but if you do look at the data, I do believe. Just for your sake, Scott, I do believe that is what he meant. And you're the one who put the worm into his brain, right? Because the larger the penis, the larger the foreskin, am I right? That's right. Am I, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Well, proportion is... That's what they say. Yes, well, yes. Yes. I was all foreskin. All four skin. I really needed to get it out.

That's fascinating. Dick small, foreskin was 90% of them. But you did have a penis, or was it just simply skin? I'm still not sure. I mean, it's, there's something going on. Mine was more like an eight skin. Wow, Scott. That's incredible.

I knew if a bunch of guys are on a podcast together, we would start talking about dick size. I mean, mine's a course group. Take that WTF with Obama. Oh, yeah. I bet you didn't talk about that with him. But you should have. No, it's, it's, it's, I'm appreciative of this opportunity, Scott. Thanks for resetting.

You know, yes. No, I saw. where we were going. I would have kept going. It got me wondering if Howard Stern has ever interviewed a ex-president and gotten them to talk about their dick size. Yeah. I would, you know, I haven't really, I'm not familiar with the show, but

in my memory, as a person who has seen a lot of information about the show, I don't believe you ever had a sitting president. Nor an ex-president, but potentially... He did have a future president. He did. Oh, indeed he did. The clips are everywhere. But I do wonder,

what ex-president would consider even going. Can you imagine Jimmy Carter on Howard Stern? Well, what about that George H.W. Bush? What was that joke he used to tell when he would stick his hand up people's butts? Yeah, yeah, that classic. Oh, the hilarious joke where you sort of stick your hand

of someone's butt. Well, you would know, he said some joke when you would do it. I'm not familiar. I must, I've got to look at this up. You guys keep talking. Because this, as you know, Scott, this would be very appropriate for me. That would be a joke that someone like me who's interested in sort of, uh, taking in the explanation of people's offices. It would be funny for me to do a joke about putting my hand up someone's box. Exactly. What would he say? Yeah. Will you do this for the

doctor, Scott? I've got to find this. Oh yeah. He'd say, uh, uh, you know what my favorite Dickens book is? David Coppfeel. And then he would do it. This has been like memory hold from George H.W. Bush. Wait, is that real? This is very real. That's HW, too. That's the old, The older one. That's the original. The original. The one that threw up. Yes.

Yes. In Japan. Remember he threw up in Japan? He was so embarrassed. He got sick. He had the flu and he threw up down himself. We have talked about this. Wait.

Read him already. On camera? Yeah, on camera. You'll give him to look it up. It's so, he looks like a little kitty. Like he's sad and throws up. It's so awesome.

He just like throws up on his... He goes right into his lap almost like he's doing something else. He's like, well... Wait, what do you mean? Masturbating with his vomit? No. Like it's lubricant for his penis? Wait, what are you talking about?

How dare you say that I was saying that? Like the acidic bile from his stomach? Martin has been tripping through my porn. Scott is are your words. And I hear you, Martin. I had the same thought. It would be interesting for you. It's Scott's thought.

He would be interested on us. It'd be quite interesting. I don't know. It's probably something you'd be into. Oh, yeah, big time. Oh, shit. You got a corkscrew again. The biggest dick.

And I know I'm getting turned on. I mean, it's obvious. I mean, we know I mean, we don't even have to It's probably Lincoln, he was just so goddamn tall Yeah, that's not what I was thinking But what are you thinking Oh, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover

That's what you were thinking It's a deep cut president of bed It's one of the ones that we can't even remember The Taft, James K. Polk. Taffed died in a bathtub, is he the bathtub death? They had to make a big bathtub for him, didn't they? That's the dream, is it to be just so famous that they make bathrooms for you.

No, Scott, as a person... The Taftub. Yes, Taftub! Yes. You know, it's a dream of mine is to die. Is Taft Hartley named after him? Yeah, it was, yeah. The other guy Hartley and the ex-president got together and said,

we want to find some way for people to join SAG. Nice. Nice. Yes. It is your dream to die. It is my dream to die. I hope that you'll get there someday. I really do.

I hope that for everyone. You're 400? When was King Arthur? Holy shit That's a wild Is that 1100 or something like that? Somewhere around there I mean that's over a thousand

Yeah I was born just after he Left power So how long that is Wow I don't know my history And like I said I only remember it back to The Wardroom function

So whatever it was Whatever year that was But yeah yeah I'm very old And you know I actually have had people Tried to kill me Scott Sure They've tried Why don't you just like sit there

And let him do it? I was I was put in a guillotine once in France. Really? Yes. I broke the blade. No. I'm so sorry. You're like Wolverine. Oh, that's a very apt comparison.

I just recently saw the X-Men movie for the first time. Which one? The Wolverine. The Wolverine. He's an old. Oh, the one. The one that is his namesake. That's a good one.

Logan? Logan. Logan is a good one. Logan is great. Logan's great. When he's an old man. Yeah. The Wolverine is when he's a young man.

Yeah, and he goes to Japan. Yes, I saw the place where George H.W. Bush threw up. Yes. Wow. That's what we called Japan. That's not in the movie. Wow, the connective, the connective tissue. Do you think he ate bad sushi? I'd have to taste his vomit to know.

Did you get accused of being a pervert? That's a good point. Because it's mostly about you, like, eating and breathing into people's home. That's a great question, and I'm glad you just met the doctor. I'm glad you asked. And you're judging his practices? I'm very glad you asked. You know, it's a common assumption.

People think that there's some sort of sexual. gratification in me sort of but a mouth huffing but it is not there's no sexual gratification involved in this practice it's purely I could not do what you do you should try no no no I'm just saying

I would get too too much okay is it my birthday wait why are your pants already down okay it's my birthday I guess Louis hasn't even answered yet your pants are down and you're already bending over and time is my doing this in the corner

Same rules as always, boys. Look directly at me or look away. All right. I agree. Look, you guys have at it. Unfortunately, we are running out of time. Does that surprise you, doctor? I'm so sorry.

That's okay. It's all right. We are running out of time. You go do your business, but... We'll have a session here. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plugs. I got walked in to a bar

Ouch I never under stood that joke Until now I want love I want love I want plug I want plug All right

That was a guy Walked into a plug Ouch by Sean Payne Sean Payne spelled like champagne Thank you to Sean Payne If you have a plugs theme head over to CBBWorld.com

slash plugs And you can upload your own songs You can find our own closing up the plug bag songs So you can turn into a remix You can upload that there

Everything you want All right guys What are we plugging Martin What are you got to plug? You have two things going on right I just want to take a step back here, because I think you started the whole show with a quote from 2023 in the mailbag. I wouldn't call it a quote as much as a catchphrase submission. Yeah, but that's a kind of implies like, yeah, I guess so.

I guess I'm quoting someone who wrote something down on a website and sent it to be. So I'm right again. That's true. What do you want to play, Martin? That's it. I just want to double check. I want to double check. What about the hand that rocks the cradle?

That is coming out on Hulu. Yeah, but if you ever want to see... If you ever want the best candy in the world, you go to sweetstash.com. Not the most candy, because although you could eat a lot of it. Well, you can order more than five bags. In fact, you counted up to 100. That's true. Couldn't do any further than that, but I got all the way there.

That would be 20 orders? Yeah. Look at you, dude. A fucking math wizard. Wow. And I haven't opened mine yet, but I'm going to, the minute this is done, and I'm going to just eat myself silly. But sweetstash.com is where you can get this candy. That's true.

And do you eat the candy in the movie at all? I eat it in the show. You eat it in Tulsa King? We had just finished production when we were shooting Tulsa King, so I had a bunch of bags around, and everyone was really sweet, and I put it in the show. That's cool. So, like, you're just sitting there in your store or whatever,

and you're popping it in your mouth, or is it like, you'll have to wait and see. You'll have to wait and see. All right, this is exciting. Sweetstash.com. Jams is the candy Hand of the Rocks of Cradle is the movie Tulsa King is the TV show

Louis Pentano what do you want to plug Well jams I got through almost an entire bag In the time I was sitting here Holy smokes it's so good I'm glad you liked them Loved

And check out Hey Riddle Riddle We're on tour A little bit the rest of the year as well If you want to check out a Riddles and Puzzles Podcast And riddles and puzzles Riddles and Puzzles lateral thinking problem I love a good

Check out this podcast We'd love to have you on the show at any point It's a verbal commitment to be on two more podcasts. Scott hasn't seen where we're going to watch Patch Adams. I think we're not watching Patch Adams. That's the rule. Wait, you want to be on to not watch Patch Adams and talk about it?

It's called we haven't watched this shit. That's the first part of it. Careful. It's a trap. I had to watch Daddy's Home, too, for that show. Had you? Well, you're the one who picks what women want the first time. All right, yes.

And then hurt people, hurt people. and it's been a back and forth ever since. And then also text Louis to 215-158 to vote for me on Dancing with the Stars. Yeah, wonderful. Reginald Barbary, what do you want to plug? Oh, I would, of course, love to plug my medieval medicine factory, of course. You can Google that and find out all the information that I will make available for people, which is not, of course.

But you won't give the location. What's the website? Medieval. It's Reginal Barberies Medievalmedicatory.com. That's so many words. You're so contemporary for a medieval... Why didn't you add ye old at the beginning of it or something? It was taken.

It was taken. There's another doctor with your name. There must be. Who is a medieval doctor practitioner? It's incredibly frustrating. It's why my Gmail addresses what it is as well. What's your Gmail address? Yeah, what's your Gmail?

It is Reginal Barbary Medieval Medicine Doctor 227 at gmail.com. But I'd also like to plug. I was recently actually August. Did you try all the other ones and got to 227? It took me ages. I would have gone on a computer in the first place. I would have gone for one, then I would have done like two, then I would have went up to 10.

Or is your birthday, it's either that or your birthday is like February 27. Unfortunately, the 227 has no emotional significance for me, Martin. It's just a... Are you a Jack Hay fan? Why are you crying while you say... I just wish I could have gotten a normal Gmail. It makes me so sad. no it's fine but uh also if you if you were a guest on a podcast i was kissed on a podcast uh the brett de mart show with buddy it's a podcast a podcast that you can you can subscribe to wherever you listen to podcasts hosted by um these other gentlemen uh who i look i look a bit like one of them oh okay and where people can get this anywhere they can get podcast there's also a patreon uh the brett demarch show uh patreon dot com slash brett demarch show um it's a lovely show they were lovely to have me on that show and uh you could also get other podcast

podcast and live special materials from Big Grande, which is a group I'm a big fan of, and that's Big Grande website.com. Bigrande website.com. Related to Ariana? I wish. Or Frankie Grande, maybe? Yes. Yes. That's actually the inspiration. That was the inspiration. Yes, Frankie. Nice. All right, well, what do I

want to plug? I want to plug. Yes, Scott, what do you want to plug? We have throwback t-shirts in the store right now as well as the t-shirt with, what was it, Nick? Scott, I couldn't even begin to guess. My corkscrew and my crack. Okay, new t-shirt coming out that says that. I don't know.

We have the bandwidth for this t-shirt. Oh, come on. We do have some old t-shirts that we're bringing back out on the store, new versions of. We have technicality no-down boo over, and Hainong Man ain't nothing to fuck with. Throwback T's. Buy one throwback t-shirt. Get a second 30% off with

code throwbacks at podswag.com slash comedy bang-bang. There any capitals in there? Just lowercase throwbacks. I mean, you could probably capitalize it, and it'll take you somewhere, I'm Sure. Okay. If you want to mention action figures, then we got them. Italiano Jones and Entre P. and newer action figures.

They are now on sale at figure collections.com. I'm looking at them right now. They're gorgeous. Also in stock, Randy Snuts and Carissa, Big Sue, Sprague the Whisper, J.W. Stillwater, and some of myself. You can complete your collection. European customers can go to actionfigureseller.com for cheaper import fees. When are you doing action figures for the eight timers? I would love to do an action figure of you.

Do you mind sitting around for the molding process? How long does it take? I think you're over and done in about 10 hours. You got to do both sides. You remember when I said I'm not busy at the beginning of this podcast? I think 10 hours might be my... That might be the limit. I don't think.

That's only about probably eight, so... I can do that. Okay, you can do that, great. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. The little bit of Reg. My neck, my neck, respect, my neck. We all have bags, and then eat some closing, we need these bags. My neck.

Because we're nosing that in these bags are lots of plug, Because you know you've got it right All right, thank you so much. That was a whole lot of plugs. Dred Zepp mixed. Do you know Dred Zeppelin, Martin? You'll figure it out in a few years. Once you hit 50, I think you'll watch the documentary, I think.

Dred Zeppelin? Dread Zeppelin, yeah, you'll get there. That was by Alexandre Pellioter, Pichout. Oh, God, that's three friends. names in a row and I don't speak French. But thank you to them for that. And guys, I want to thank you so much for being on the show. Martin's so great to see you

again. Yeah, likewise. Very fun. Can't wait to watch Pat Chatham's with you. Yeah. And then do it our podcast. I thought we don't watch the movie, though. We just break it down. Just break it down? Break it on down. Just let's just bro out and break it down. Break it down.

That's right. That would be a very interesting episode, I think. Great. Not watch the movie and then just talk about it as if we've watched it. You have a red nose in it? Yeah, that's what you said this was, and then you lied to me. I don't think it was a lie. I think it was just maybe a lie of omission.

Yeah, perhaps. That's a fucking lie, dude. I beg your pardon. I don't like to lie to my guests, but sometimes you have to in order to book them on another podcast. I'll get that email address from you on your way out. And then also, Louis Pentano.

You can just email the doctor. Louis Pintano, good luck to you on Dancing with the Stars tonight. We're pulling for you and for Andy. Thank you. If you're going to vote for one of us, I'll vote for me, not Andy. What was that number that you were supposed to text? 215-8-5-1-2. That's right.

And Reginald, what more needs to be said, buddy. Hey, I appreciate that, Scott, yes. Great meeting you. Great to meet you as well, all of you. It's been a wonderful time. Sorry I snapped at you. No, no. It's okay.

Earlier, you know. You could snap at me whenever you'd like, Scott. Really? Yes. Permission, brought permission to anyone in here to treat me, however you'd like to treat me. Really? Wow. Yes.

Here goes the corkscrew again. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's happening. This is not what I was expecting. Look away. The breeding, no one asked for. I'm okay with this.

We'll see you next time. Thanks, bye. Oh, God.