Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Chelsea Peretti, James Mannion, Ben Rodgers

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Beloved comedian Chelsea Peretti of Farts and Pro fame joins Scott once again to talk about the relaunch of her iconic podcast Call Chelsea Peretti, bear attacks, and her bio. Then, census taker Micah Fellows stops by to talk about his life as a census taker. Plus, Uncle Jellyfish brings Little Pepper the Singing and Dancing Boy for a very special performance.

Music Come and see my mind, come and see my mind. Why was 6 afraid of 7 because 7 8 391,452? Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to the Masterbader for that catchphrase of mission. Thanks to the Masterbader. Always a pleasure to hear from him. Or her, or her, or them. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bank for another edition.

We have a great show. Stars are back. We have a big one coming up first, but after that we have a census taker coming up. Wow. And also this is very, very special. We have a very special appearance from Little Pepper, the singing and dancing boy

that's gonna be coming up. Wow. You are not gonna wanna miss this episode, or at least the last part of this episode when the little pepper comes on, because you can probably skip forward to little pepper. That's probably gonna be about two thirds of the way through. If you need to, but I would suggest not,

because like I said, stars are back. The sag strike is over, and that means we can talk to stars. Yes, this one's just talking about her podcast, but you know, I mean, she's been in stuff The sag strike is over. And that means we can talk to stars. Yes. This one's just talking about her podcast, but you know, I mean, she's been in stuff and we can finally talk about it. She's been in things like, oh, I get sent over a bio from her press people. We'll talk about, in fact, why don't we go through the bio when she comes on. Let me just introduce her. She's an old friend to this show.

You know her from the Farts and Procreation episodes of this show where she did four of those appearances alongside Adam Scott and Harris Whittles. Please welcome back to the show Chelsea Peretti. Hello. Hello. Thank you. So good to see you. By the way, these mics you need to get very close to.

Oh, thank you. Oh. Oh. So good to see you, Chelsea. Welcome back to our friendly shores. It's been a couple of years. I think pre-pandemic was the last time you were on. Is that the same? I know, well. You look one day older. Thank you.

That's a win. Yeah, no, I mean, at the time, of course, you were aging a ballot approximately 15 years every day. Then I got on the pills. Right. These aging antias. There's a lot of misgrace. I got it on birth control, right?

And birth control and a cocktail of birth control and anti-aging pills. Otherwise, how many babies would you have by now if you were on the birth control? I take one accelerating aging thing and then three. Steering. Yeah, that was the cocktail we landed on to get me to this kind of look I have going today. Oh, you look fantastic. Thank you. Yeah, you're America's sweetheart. We've always something about you. Let's go through this. This. This. I'm mortified that my publicist.

I don't even think my publicist should have been involved in this you you contacted me directly i i contacted you directly and then when when uh... literally was like two hours later your publicist reached out and said can we get Chelsea on the show and that's weird and i think it was just coincidences because i said oh we've been talking already and and she's coming on Thank God. Thank God you had already reached out. Yeah, I know Otherwise, it would have been very awkward But let's see Chelsea Paredi is a multi-faceted creator. I see now the word multi-faceted. Doesn't that feel 90s somehow?

It kind of but also calling you a creative instead of a human being. Well, I don't mind that. Oh, so you just consider yourself to be a creative, not a woman. I wake up and I go, I'm a creative. And not only that, but I'm multifaceted in a way. You also are known for your contributions as an actor, stand up, writer, and producer. I contribute. Yes, that's all we expect from you.

I say, I wake up, I go, I'm a creative, and what can I contribute. Yes, that's all we expect from you. I say, I wake up, I go, I'm a creative and what can I contribute today? Yeah, or tomorrow? You can probably wait till tomorrow. No, I'm a today girl. Really? You'll take tomorrow off there. Carpe Diem.

Right, exactly. Sheep garnered widespread wreckage. Sheep. Sheep garnered, I know. That's crazy. I gotta call my followers. You gotta correct them. I gotta call her on this podcast.

Sheep garnered widespread recognition for her portrayal of Gina Lanetti. And sheep garnered widespread recognition for eating grass. In the critically acclaimed comedy series Brooklyn 9.9. Yes, no errors. Golden gloves, it is funny. Like we got a golden glove like before our show had even aired.

And then the first season, right? Yeah. Yeah, because of the first season. But never give a, I do think it's funny to go, you are the funniest show on the air and then never again. And then you are a piece of shit after that. As a show mature as an actually finds itself, you're never again.

But that happens all the time, I think, in the Golden Globes at least. Unlike the Emmy's words, I read you loud and clear. You know what I'm saying? I think I do. One, two. Uh, Freddie's directorial debut first time female director will be released on the Roku channel in spring 2024. God, I hope you come back for that.

God, I love spring. I, spring truly has sprung this year. L.A. Spring and L.A. when the sun finally cuts through. The other sun. The wintery. Yeah. Shining so hard. The second sun, suns in.

The second sun, yeah. A lot of people don't know. This is like tattooing. We have two suns, but because of the smog, you can't see it. Ugh. Tell me about the smog when you first came to L.A. I could not believe it. There's a combination of smoke and fog, came to LA. I could not believe it.

There's a combination of smoke and fog, by the way. Right, half the time there's a wildfire brewing. Yeah. Have you ever been in a wildfire? Named Bruin. Right, yes. They're all named. Yeah.

Oh, wildfire brewing is fine. Yeah. Coming in the Santa Amas. They named it after the UCLA mascot. Yeah. And have you ever been in a wildfire? Like have were walking up and suddenly there's like a raging fire? I did. I died in it and I'm a ghost. No idea. I so grateful for you.

I should have put that in my bio. Sheep is a ghost. I died in the red woods and I said, you know what? I still want to do podcasts. Mm-hmm. And because I went to heaven, God said I can still do podcasts for the rest of my. As long as you call them God casts. Yeah.

God casts and ghosts. How's God these days? You know what? I'm not bad considering. Considering like all that's on his plate. Yeah, he's got, let's just say he's got a fully loaded face. For an events. And it's going back for seconds. She. Yeah, that's got let's just say he's got a fully loaded face and it's going back for seconds.

She yeah, that's right then in November of 2023 Peretti launched her iconic relaunch. Sorry her iconic podcast called Chelsea Peretti now We're in the thick of it. This is what we're promoting here that garnered there's that word again Garn is it in there twice? Yeah, a two time garnerer. A garner popery. No, to rioty during its original launch in 2012. See, this is what I like. No, to rioty doesn't that have like a shade of a negative. Yes, it is.

Yeah, like Robert Blake was the tourist. Yeah, and the guy who's like, who am I? Chelsea's making faces right now. You know that, Giff? It's like a cult leader faces right now. You know that, Giff? It's like a cult leader. He goes, you know what I'm talking about? He's like, who am I? A cult leader making faces.

I don't know what this is. I'm so sorry. Nobody any strikes. He's like a cult leader, but apparently like he made people practice making faces and rapids, success. I've never heard of this. Out me in.

Yeah. I wonder if I'm not in the know and never know. No, no, you know this cult leader. It's a famous cult leader. Do you know signfish? No. Is it Jim Jones? No, Manson.

Oh, oh, that guy. He's never seen that gift. Oh, yeah, Mr. Swastika forehead. Yeah, I know that guy. He's like, ooh, ah, ooh, but like amazing comedic prowess, like face to face. Cut, cut, cut, cut. This is probably the interview that Odin Kirk faced his impression on the Ben Stiller show on probably I don't know It he gave a big like was it to Joroldo? I can't remember you gave a big like in prison interview

We're like mr. Booty bops He wait Jim Jones did in real like wait, who are we talking about? Mom brain We're talking about mom brain. We were talking about mom brain. You, you, uh, Scott has it. You had quite a slam on me.

You said I was the first guy to ever get mom brain. Oh, man. Here's what I like about the fact that you're bringing your podcast back. A lot of, a lot of, uh, people, uh, during the pandemic, they're like, oh, I have nothing to do. Let me bring the podcast back. During the strike, they're like, I have nothing to do. Let me bring the podcast back. During the strike, they're like, I have nothing to do.

Let me bring the podcast back. Both of those are over. Now you're like, let me bring the podcast back. I was too depressed. Really? No, I don't know. I'm in a not clinically, perhaps, but I mean, I didn't feel creative in all these,

all the stasis, I definitely did not feel inspired. Also, you had a young child during the pandemic. Was that, I can't imagine now that it's semi- I mean it's not over over but we have tools to deal with it now. Is it an adjustment for the child because the child was getting so much attention I'm sure with everyone not leaving the house and now is it like, hey why are we all leaving the house now? Hmm. Why are we not wearing masks? I'm an anti-antimast.

Yeah, every day he asks, like, can I wear a mask? And I'm like, no, no, I don't know. I mean, I'm sure it is, but I don't know. You're doing like 5,000 more activities. So I don't think the attention is really. You go to the library a lot? Hmm. It's just soft a little. Are you just a book? Is this a list? You ask everyone. You go to the library a lot. It's just a list.

Are you just a list? You ask everyone, you just a book buyer. Why rent them? Why rent when you can buy exactly each episode. Peretti fields calls from her adoring listeners. Oh God, this is a nightmare. This is the most recent edition of the podcast features a twist. A lot like Chubby Checker.

Listeners, questions and concerns will also be addressed by actual experts. Chelsea, tell me about this. Can you imagine? I cannot even imagine this. I interviewed a neurologist. Why? Because I started watching this show called Emergency NYC.

Have you ever seen it? It's a docu series on Netflix. What's the NYC stand for? Trying to think fast. I'm very confused a good good comic brain would be like neurological years Croatia Okay, what do we got? Norwegian Norwegian we got do we got? Norwegian. Norwegian, we got Norwegian, we got the N.

You could tan? You could tan good. You could two places in the world. Clock. Clockfest. Clockfest. So Norwegian, you could tan clockfest. Yeah.

Great. I love it. Good stuff. All I needed was a moment to think. We added out the moments to think of this show. No, no, please, I need that. That was a really, that was good. So you interrogated this neurologist for, to what end, for what purpose?

Just because you saw them on a show. This is really fucked up, man. I'm just saying, hey, I'm back. I got to podcast. You're fucking ripping it to shreds over here. With it to shreds, I interviewed a man I thought was interesting, end of story. And then you, you, you, it was that, no, I will say this like, Kojak. So I have this music producer.

Kojak, are you calling me Kojak? No, I have a music producer. Because I'm asking you questions or because I'm ballad. He is the name of Kojak, the music producer, cool Kojak, to be precise. I thought it was calling me Kojak. And he like adds sound effects and stuff and posts to my podcast. Oh, you know what you guys, my coaster was stuck

to the bottom of my glass. I lifted up the glass to take a drink. And it fell on his dick. And it fell on his dick. And then, can we put it in post? Can we have like a funniest home video set? A boy, you? Yeah, boy, you have like a steel pot in there. It's like gong So cool co-juck he so like yeah, so this neurologist interview is actually up in the air right now because he added snoring sounds when it was like low

Like low-end or like low moments So then we're like send it to him like are you cool with snoring sounds in your interview? Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin.

Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin.

Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Low in the chin. Tahoe Bear Attack Survivor. Yeah, that's something I've been chasing heavily for years. How do you find a bear attack survivor?

I mean, I can't tell you that. Can't tell you my producing secrets. I'm sure you could. Producer in the bio. You could look one up online and get a name, I'm sure, but then how do you run them down? You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's not like, oh, and this is my contact info. Tricks of the tree. Interesting. And here's what I'm wondering about. I hunted that bear attack survivor like a bear hunting. I hunted a human. Him as the very bear that hunted him bear. He's like he's a he's a hunt. So how did he feel about that? Did he? He's a con. Here's what I'm wondering about bear attacks. Does he tell you what color the bear was supposed to be if you're supposed to play dead

and what the color the bear was supposed to be if you're supposed to stand on your tippy toes and scare it off like I'm bigger than you. And can we come up with a rhyme? Because we were doing this the other day where we were like, if the bear is black, look like you're gonna attack. If the bear is brown, lay down on the ground.

But I don't know if that's correct. If the bear, if it's a black bear, have no fair. If it's a brown, you just go up to it and shake hands. Yeah, you're good. If it's a brown bear, place gravel down there. That's down there? Like with your feet. Down on the ground, they don't like tables.

Oh, got it, got it, got it. So that's kind of the trick of the yeah That's a rule of thumb you got to know which kind of activity they like well This is incredible apparently you also talk to a neurosurgeon. Yeah, I just Mumbrain Scott a baker yeah, that's less Exhausted but I pulled a couple strings and about a bing, about a bing, about a bing, about a boom. I got to eat a bunch of cake. And a couple that transformed their lawn into a vibrant wildflower garden. Can you imagine?

That sounds the most boring out of all four of those. Actually, they had a great sense of humor. Okay. Yeah, they had a sense of it. Listen, here's what I do. I see something interesting. I hone in on it And I call the person and I get into it with them and I like it great. You don't fuck off. Wow Are they intimidated because you're obviously a big star? Mm-hmm stars are back and You know, I would imagine that they're not used to appearing on podcasts So are they like oh, I don't know. They were like press savvy. They had done like 1500 interviews. I was like, guys, drop the mask. Okay.

I know you fucking planted some wildflowers. Cut the fucking shit. Let's get real. You've done too much press. Honestly, seriously, well, apparently the podcast joins heart, I heart media and Will Farrell's big money players. Ever heard of them work with Will Ferrell's big money players. I've never heard of him. I've never heard of him. Will Ferrell? Yeah. I think I saw Anchorman two, once or twice in my life.

I call him Chill Ferrell. Chillist boss I ever had. Never talked to him, never better. Never gave notes. Never seen him. Not a note to be found. Really even know about the show at all. No way to contact him. Really even know about the show at all. Kind of put a statement on it.

No way to contact him. Yeah, great. With new episodes, really, oh wait, yes, they will release weekly. Weekly, every single week. How long are you doing this? What do you do? Weekly. With this, yeah.

And then weekly without their show. Why don't you take the surprise out of your voice? It'd be interesting if a podcast came out every 10 days. That's how my old one was. Was it really? It was just whenever, yeah. And that was pretty fun, I liked that. What's it like returning to a show that you did apparently in 2012, the game No Dariety

was garnered. It's like putting on an old pair of slippers. Oh really? And shuffling around in them cozy, a little sweaty, and... Pretty fun. Pretty fun. Yeah. Are you talking about the slipper still?

You know what, when you're garnering and when you are contributing, and when you're multifaceted, it just kind of all rolls off your tongue. Yeah, it's the kind of thing that you can just like step right back into and no time is lost. Because listen, let me ask you a question. It's personal, are you ready?

Yeah, I'm ready. Do you, how involved do you get in your bio? Oh, um, like do you give a lot of notes? Cause I did give some notes, but like multifaceted, I'll be honest. I'm like, I don't like that word, but I'm like, am I gonna pick apart everywhere?

Yeah, are you gonna like start a fight over multifaceted I'll be honest I'm like I don't like that word but I'm like am I gonna pick apart everywhere yeah are you gonna like like start a fight over multifaceted yeah semi-publicists like a red line version of her bio every word circled I hate the vibe of all these words yeah or do you just let them I'll keep talking I I'll take my answer off here um I don't think I have anyone who will do it for me so I think I have anyone who will do it for me. So I think, or anyone, they probably would do it for me, but they would get everything wrong. So I think I had to do it myself. Ha ha ha. Now we should be pulling up your bio.

Just we know it's straight from the horse's mouth. Well, I'm sure I gave one when the book came out this year. Let's see what kind of adjectives you use. Okay, bio. Okay. bio. From all American speakers.com, we don't. Buy. Yeah. From all American speakers.com, we don't want that. There's got to be like, do you do a lot of speaking engagements?

Exactly zero, I think, but okay, well, okay, let's, Scott David Alchemy isn't a David. David. I know. I put my middle name in there. Not in these times, honey. I think this is not out of that. This is not my official.

This is just something that got from the internet. No, let's read it though. You want to read the one? Okay. Yeah, Scott David. I like it. Scott David Ockerman is an American writer actor, comedian, television personality, not really anymore. Director, producer, and podcast host in the mid 1990s.

Oh, what? Ockerman was a writer and performer on Mr. Show with Bob and David. He currently hosts the weekly comedy podcast, comedy bang bang bang as well as the IFC original. Oh, this is how old it is. Eight years old. Oh, that's cute. It's cute. It's an eight year old.

Actually, it's just when kids stop being cute. Is it really? I think. I think I think more years. Yeah, I think even seven, seven or eight, they start being like, eh. I know. Don't send us many photos, you know? I sent a photo recently to some family text chain,

one of the dog and one of my child and the dog got more likes. Said, listen, things are changing around here. You're not a baby anymore. By the way, there's this website, speaker booking agency that you can book me to be a speaker. What if this is when you found out there's like impressionist who's making huge mega bucks?

Speakers fee range, please contact. Travels from a bit. Let's do it. Let's chase this down, man. There's a button that says book, Scott Ockerman now. Contact for virtual fee. What if I book you? I would love that. I would love my back to you.

How much could I get you for? How much would I do that for? Let's see. Like if we just were doing a handshake deal. Okay, I'd have to take a day off work. $500 just come over in the morning and do some sort of performance. What time?

10. Because we have an hour once our nanny gets, yeah, $500 cash. How, and for now, I have to have about an hour once our nanny gets yeah, 500 dollars. 500 cash. And for an hour, I have to talk for an hour about what? Can I field questions and say I don't see an hour, but I like that. Can I field question, like do a Q&A or does it have to be me doing a speech for an hour? Because that means I have to write a speech.

Because I don't want to be involved. It's got to be a speech. Yeah. That means I have to take another day to write a speech. Because I don't want to be involved. It's got to be a speech? Yeah. That means I have to take another day to write a speech. This is like a... While you're doing this, I'm sunbathing with sunglasses on and headphones. This is two days of work that I have to cancel.

If you kind of amortize what I make per day, I would do it for like probably 125 grand. Did you say amortize? Yeah. Is that a word? I think so. What's it mean? Means like divide equally. I think it means to.

That's amazing. Never heard that. Okay. How often does that happen? Amortize gradually right off the initial cost of an asset over a period. Or no, reduce or pay off a debt with regular payments. Yeah, I think it means like splitting it up with regularly. You have a background though and finance. I do. Yeah, I'm a tech pro as well. So that's okay. So that's what you know, by the way your bio is not done. Oh my god. I've way more on this. Oh my god. Her other film credits include the romantic drama, the photograph. Ooh, la la. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm I wish. Who would you like to guess?

Who's out there? One of the Chris's maybe. Ruth's Chris stay-couple? If you were hired for a movie. Would you kiss a filet or a strip? Would you kiss a building? Yeah. Yeah. Would you kiss any building if it was in a script?

Yes. Chelsea's character, whatever your character is and if anyone's List a director writer producer. Yes, I would kiss any building any building in the world. I don't care what it looks like really No, or what part of it you want me to kiss what about the tip of a pyramid. Yeah You would kiss the tip of a pyramid not a problem You would kiss the tip. No problem. Not a problem. Like you would travel to Egypt and kiss the tip of pyramid.

Well, that's your adding stuff. It depends on how things are going. You want a green screen this and go to burger. Sure. Yeah, I'll do that. And just pretend to kiss the tip of the pyramid. Yeah. I'm worried they would put something in other than a pyramid.

Well, that's, yeah, I didn't even get into green screen. I was talking about practical buildings. Okay. So there's no building you won't kiss right? What about buildings that don't exist anymore fine by me. You're okay with it. I'll kiss the air The bio done yet We're halfway through Game night opposite Jason Bateman and Rachel McGatum. That was great scene. Yeah, opposite is a stretch, but you know what? It was with them.

I auditioned for a bigger role, but I was pregnant. Oh, that's right, you were pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, we tried to weasel my big old belly into that one. It was, it was an no-go. Which role were you hoping to play? Sharon, Horgins. Sharon Horgins, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Interesting. So my son ruined my life Just because I was such a big hit just kidding. Love you, babe. Universal's pop star. Why are they saying universals? All the sudden suddenly the The studios involved I already know what my notes were on this section that I didn't send which is why does it say That who the director of the photograph is but none of the other movie I have the photograph. Yeah, and of the other movie mentioned the director. Yeah, and then this one is Universal's pop star and never stopped popping.

Yeah, and there's some asymmetry. You know, this is my publicist absolute. Yeah, and the Indies, by the way, this is spelled with an apostrophe. I feel so bad for me. They're trying to pluralize Indies, I think Indie moves, but instead they put an apostrophe. Indies.

The West Indies. No, it was from a festival on the West Indies. And the Indies friends giving and spinster. Most recently, she was featured in Amazon Prime Video's second installment of its comedy special yearly depart. That's a lot of words. I don't even know how to parse that. Can you rewrite this and send it to me?

I would love to. Thank you. Yeah, it'll probably take me a day, so I'll do it for her. That's fine. Let's have a 125. So about 60, 65. I'll do it for what's half of 125. So about 60 65 for $65,000. $6,000. $6,000. That's a done sold. She also lent her voice. Oh, you lent your voice. I can tribute and I got a note. Lent her voice to animated hits such as Big Mouth, The Simpsons, and Sing2.

Can't laugh at those tree, that trio. We were talking to Edgar Wright about Sing2. He's in Sing2 as well. Did you ever get to meet him? I've definitely met Edgar Wright before. Did you meet him on the set of Sing2? Well, there's not a set. We're recording voices in a, you know, it's like not what I've action what I love sing to I'm a big

Sing you're telling me that that it's not live action that didn't actually happen. That's right Honestly one of the funner premieres sing to really outdoors was bono there John and Vinnie's did the food John Batista's and John Batista and Vinnie Test uh what's Test of Ernie They cut together and start a restaurant. I would eat there every day if John Baptiste and Vinny tested for these people. I don't know. I don't know. He says the look you're gonna have to do Colbert coming up soon because

Strikes over. He's the band leader on Colbert. Okay. And a Grammy award winner. Okay. I'll cut the entire interview. Cut this whole thing. I can't have that. Yeah. Can't have that out there. And also a video test of Erdi. He's a football player or coach. He's a quarterback.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. For the jets, I would imagine, right? Hey, when you're a jet, you're a jet. All the way. That's right. Do you like that movie, the remake of West Side Story? You know what, I'm not a musical person, but if you're hiring for a musical, I sing. I love it.

Speaking of which, she's released two music EPs in preparation for her coffee-themed concept album, Foam and Flatsum, and Fuss, Fusphores and Panic, both receiving critical acclaim. Another acclaim? Is there two acclaims? Yeah, a lot of acclaim in this.

Yeah. Having her roots in stand-up comedy, Peretti's hour-long stand-up special. One of the greats was released in 2014 on Netflix. I think that's too long ago. I know. Like, don't mention it in a bio if it's 10 years ago. Don't mention the year. Well, don't even mention it.

Like anything. The special? Anything from 10 years ago. Just leave mention the year. Well, don't even mention it. Like anything. The special? Anything from 10 years ago, just leave it off. No, I can't agree with that. Really? Yeah. Why? Because I think stand-up specials are interesting.

Like when Ricky Dervace, you know, was like, oh, we just learned about him over here in America. Learned what? On the office. I was like, oh, he used to do stand-up. It's like, I think it's interesting. Yeah. I thought you were saying when Ricky Dervace first learned about stand- On the office. I was like, oh, you used to do stand up. It's like, I think it's interesting. Yeah. I thought you were saying when Ricky Durvey's first learned

about stand up special. No, I mean, it was a slow and confusing rollout of the sentence. Right. Interesting. Her half hour special comedy central presents aired in 2011. Now we're really. Well, that, yeah, I guess that's not necessary.

Yeah. In addition to her on-screen achievements, wow, so you do, this must be about your charity work or something that you do off-screen. This is verging on cool. Oh, no, it's just Peretti has a notable writing background. Oh, so it's not about your charity work or anything that you do to help your community.

This is a weird angle, I think. Like, who's expected to put charity work in their bio? Well, I just, this started so promisingly. And it just like, this is shifted from silly to cruel. Uh, contributing another contribution to shows like parks and recreation, Portlandia, Sarah Silverman program, and Crowl show, as well as Saturday Night Live. What do you think the as well as for?

Because you didn't work all that much on that. I think it's a transition to get to the end of the sentence. You know? Yeah. We should start putting as well towards the end of each sentence we do. There was this comedian in New York. I don't know if he still is around.

His name was Exion. And he used to say, too, as as well at the end of every sentence. We could do that too as well. I like that. It was weird. It's a good tick. Well, that's the end of your biochelle's. Thank you. It seems good. Rock solid airtight.

It's good. There's also a pick. And they insisted that I give photo credit if I use this pick. It's a great photo. It's a great one. Where are you in this? Can't disclose. Can't disclose, really. So this is at the CIA headquarters underneath. Me.

Right by the unknown soldier's grave. It was in Staples Center. Staples Center, wow, on stage. Mm-hmm. You know it's crypto.comorino for a Reno. Ah, how you fucking idiot? Who says a Reno? Who's that Camarino?

For at least a little bit longer. How long do you think it'll be crypto.com arena? Is it really? Yeah. What they do that as a seasonal thing? Every autumn. It changed. Farm to table.

Farm to table crypto. No, the naming rights, Staples bought it when it was first made, the naming rights. Staples bought it when it was first made. The naming rights. Staples the office store. Yeah. Did you not really what it's named after? Did you not know that? That it was Staples Center because of Staples.

And then before that, it was Kinkos, right? Yeah. Kinkos. And there's Mimigraphs. And Microfeet. And then it was just cave paintings. Well, this is a great bio. I cannot wait to hear more of a call Chelsea

Peretti. People can get this everywhere. It's with. You can't wait to hear more. Yeah. I'm going to wait. Did you use to listen to it? I'll listen to a few. Yeah. I'm not. I'm not a listener. Me neither. You know what I mean? Yeah. I make podcasts. I don't have to listen to them. Well, it's weird because a lot of people listen to podcasts. I never have had a groove of any kind with listening to them. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, cool up, walks around with them on her phone all day. I just hear random snatches of snatch.

Let's high five. There we go. That's a good cue to break. When we come back, we're going to talk to a census taker. We'll also, this is very exciting. We're going to have a special appearance from Little Pepper, the singing and dancing boy will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang.

We're back. Chelsea Paredi, our old friend, Chelsea Chaz Pumentary Paredes here with us. Of the, of the, oh, I'm just waiting for you to attack me. Attack you. Now I know what it feels like when people call my podcast. Do you remember when you were on as the fashion person on my television? Yeah, I'm fact, as I was driving here, I was trying to think, I remember there was something I really wanted to do and you were like, no,, I couldn't remember what it was no you did it What it was was you found a picture of me on the on a red carpet and then you dissected everything that I was wearing Oh, and it was very it was very very funny

But then I think you didn't know that it was a fake talk show and I was in character and I wasn't I wasn't that guy I have from the red carpet. Oh, and so we were kind of like this is a really funny bit But it doesn't really make sense. Yeah, really but it was very Shocking up to naivete being green and also not having ever watch my show that's you that's a fault of mine I don't watch anything. Yeah. Why do you do you watch all the stuff your friends make in Hollywood? That's the thing is like every once in a while a friend will say like well did you watch my show and they'll say like well which of you 110 episodes of my show is your favorite. Right. You know no we don't watch each other. You scream that at them. They're like are you all right. I know I

feel really guilty. Like I'm just so bad at watching them. All that we watch is like bad reality shows. Yeah, they're fun. Like what's your favorite? You heard of the Zeus network? Is it Zeus as in the Greek God or Zeus as in the plural of the animal? Greek God, but Zeus is a funny name for a network. It is.

But it's Zeus. It is, okay. So what is the Zeus network? It's got a show called Bad Boys. And it's a bunch of gay dudes that are fighting almost in every scene physically and it's got baddies which is so there they have shows with baddies. It's a female. Well, it's like weird because it's like there's bad girls club and it's basically an off-shoot of that with Natalie Nunn. She's the EP, but she's also fist-fighting people. It's really confusing, but...

Wait, this is like a cable network, or what is it? Stream-o? I don't even know what kind of network it is. You just downloaded it. You just turn the thing down. We downloaded it. Your butler download something for you, presses play. No, no, no, don't come at me. I'm down to earth.

But you do have a butler, but you're down to earth about life. He's down to earth. Right. And you're up a pedestal. He's the kind of butler that you don't even feel like, he's a butler. You feel like he's just one of your friends that you're hanging out with.

And tell you he's done something. He wears flip flops and board shorts and he makes a great, a great, it's like a spicy pasta that he just kind of whips up all the time. Arabata. Arabiyata. Arabiyata.

You're the person of Italian heritage here. Sadly though, when I went to Italy, I tried to like speak broken Italian to my relatives and they were like waving me off like, shut up. Shut up. I just said Grazie like, Miligratzi. Miligratzi. Miligratzie, like, mele Grazie, mele Grazie. Mele Grazie, Grazie. Yeah.

And that worked honestly. No, it's my family. I could see the genetic like criticism. The genetic like desire to shut someone down. And they were like, and now that's stupid, all stupid, all shot. Were they just impressed that you decided to visit them? No. You could have gone to you decided to visit them? No.

You could have gone to Italy and not ever talked to them. You know, a huge star. They showed me their wine making setup and then they were a shut up. Stupid. How long were you staying with them? I didn't even stay with them. I just cruised through the town. Just a little 10 minute, a little like, hey, what's up?

Show me this one setup. Yeah. I stepped out of a luxury vehicle with a stiletto heel, one at a time, close up on the heels, and then I spat on their little farmhouse. Wow. So that's the other side of the story. I love that you storyboarded your trip.

Yeah. That's the other side of the story though. You know, it's like I was mean to them and then that was in response. Yeah. Well, Chelsea is here. Call Chelsea Peretti is out right now. The I Heart I podcast will, will Farrell podcast I heart big, big podcast money.

Beautifully done. You can get it right now. Let's get to our next guest. Yes. He's a census taker. Oh, yeah. Have you ever now see how do you hunt that down? That's a, that's a get. This is a little pro-disorial magic here, but he's a census taker. Please

welcome. Micah Fellows. Hi, everybody. Hi, Micah. Big sigh. Big sigh. Yeah. I'm sorry. Hey, welcome to this. This is Chelsea. Obviously, you know Chelsea. Chelsea. Oh, yeah, we counted you a few times. Yeah, few times. It's nice to meet you. Oh, you too, yeah. Oh, I guess once every 10 years. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, are you all right, Micah?

What's going on? Welcome to the show, first of all. Oh, thanks. I'm fascinated with the census. I mean, anything that only occurs once every 10 years is just like, I mean, man, it's so rare. Like, yeah. Yeah, it is. It is rare. It's yeah, it is

Fascinating. Must be fun, right? Yeah, job where you only have to work once every 10 years. Yeah, you would think that. You would think, yeah, right. What's going on? No, I'm a little just sorry. Yeah, I can tell you're a little whatever it is. She's seven more years until the next one. Until the next one. Do they pay you the whole time? Yeah, that's cool. Have a son retainer.

I would love that. That's amazing, it's not seasonal pay, it's actually the whole 10 year spin. Mm-hmm. And you don't have to do any research on the stuff that you'd counted three years ago or anything? You're just like, you're just not really, I mean, once, once we do the count on April 1st,

that census day of, I guess the last one would have been 2020. Wait, are you saying it only takes one day every 10 years as well? Well, it takes a little longer than that. Starting at the beginning of the year, we start to send out. So January 1 to April 1, that's the only time you're working? Yeah. Wow. That's incredible.

We send out census surveys in the mail. What does that mean? Census surveys. Like, do you want to take this census? Yeah, first we send it. We send it. Yes, no. Other. We send to save the mail. What does that mean? Sense of surveys like do you want to take this service census? Yeah, first we send it, we send us no other. We send to save the date. That's great. On like really thick stock paper. Right. So you're you're obviously depressed. Yeah, I'm sad. You're sad because you like doing. Yeah, I love doing the census. What do you like about it? Well, I love going up to

someone's house, getting to know while knocking on the door first of all, not knowing what is going to happen. We don't need to go through every step of the process, like the parking, the walking up to the doorstep, the knock, we like, well, I left out parking, but that's fun too. I go to so much fun about parking. Well, I go to so many different residences and there's always a different street parking situation. So like a little game Yeah, well, it's a new experience every time I'm I feel like when I'm I'm pulling up and I'm Starting to get into the mindset of like okay, who's gonna be in there who lives here? What's their life like? Do you ever guess before you got to the door of like, oh, I bet that this place hat is like a five person,

you know, home, it's got two men in a relationship in co-parenting. Can you judge a house by its cover? Yes. Who's inside? Can you actively guess from the way it looks? Well, you can try to guess, but you'll be surprised almost every time. I mean, I can only imagine like unless you're guessing, oh, it's a single person

Each time like yeah, you'll be wrong 90% of the time. Where is if you guess? Oh, I bet it's a single the ones that you can usually guess accurately or when it's like one bachelor living by himself Right and like it's like you can tell from the posters. And he opens a door playing electric guitar. Yeah. You can hear the electric guitar from outside while you're like parallel parking in front of the house. Right. There's just reservoir dogs posters everywhere. Yeah. Usually it's. That's my idea of being a single guy. As you're just like in your apartment jacking off and playing electric guitar. And sometimes you get confused.

Yeah. I'm jacking off my guitar. I'm shredding on my doll. Well, that's why we always have to, we always have to knock just to make sure. Just get someone shredding on the doll. In case someone's shredding on their doll. Right.

We have to knock. Wouldn't it be great though if the government allowed you to not knock. You'd have a no knock. Wait, the government. Oh, no, yes, the government. You worked the government. Yeah, yeah, I do work if they gave you like the no knock warrants. If they gave you a no knock census thing where you could just barge into some and then

you get the real info. Can you imagine? He just tries the door. And if it's open, he walks in census. That would be amazing. No, we actually, I wish that we could do that. Because I really want, I would love to be able to just capture like in the moment, how many people are in here,

how older they, what's happening. You love people. I love people. Is that why you got into this? You love talking to people. I love talking to people. I love talking to people. I, uh, who do you prefer of me and Scott? Energy fans?

Brief conversations. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we each separately have podcasts. But I'm like more like fun, silly, approachable scots just tearing you to shreds if your bio's stupid. I did not receive your bio, but I would have loved to have gone through it. Oh yeah. You didn't receive my bio. I did not receive your bio, but I would have loved to have gone through it. Oh yeah.

You didn't receive my bio. I did not know. Well, do you want to tell us just your bio? Well, I don't really have census takers. We're not really supposed to talk about ourselves. How many people live at your house? It's just me. What? Have you ever shredded on your dog? Pretty much every day since April 1st, 2020. I haven't had much else to do. Do you keep track?

Sorry, do you keep track of Everything you do in your house like what does the census? everything you do in your house, like, what is the census? The census is just trying to make an analogy, but... I don't think it's asking people their job or anything. I think it's just literally like, how many people live here? What nationality are you? Because then the government decides what appropriations are going to be given to the cities, each city, how much money.

So like, okay, so maybe the joke is like, when you're jerking off, are you like, how many people live here to your sperm? Yes. How many people? That's what I have. I have, how many potential people live here? I have tried to look at the size of my load and try to figure out how many.

It's like, you're three more men, you're doing eight nights. Counting. Yeah, try to estimate, you know, how many sperms are in there, possible babies, but no. I like to think that every load that you ever shoot could has the potential to be octoplets. You know, if the conditions are right,

I think that makes it. That's your king. It seems very manly when it comes out, if you think. Yeah. You know, I never even, I never considered that. I'm gonna have to go back and, don't do it now. Oh, of course, yeah Anyway, the point is I I don't have a family. We're not allowed to have a family. We're not really allowed

No, we're not even really allowed to have much of an identity. I'm not allowed to be married I'm not allowed to have kids Now who is telling you that the government. Who is the person in the government? Mark Finster. Oh, so Mark, is he in charge of the Census Bureau? Yeah, he's the head of the US Census Bureau. Oh, okay. And he said, you can't date even? Well, I can date.

Just if they start getting serious, you have to quend it. Yeah, I've had to end so many relationships. We can't move in together. I'm not allowed to have- So have you ever been in a long-term relationship with someone and then they think you're gonna propose and instead you say, honey, I'm ending it because I'm not allowed to take this any further?

Yes, and it's heartbreaking every time. But usually they know that something's up because we're only allowed to do anal. From the sense that- The Sphero only allows you to do anal. Well, because we can't risk having kids. Having children. Oh, right.

It keeps us pure. It keeps us able to make sure that we have an accurate count. Has everyone else that we see? Did you invent this guest? I mean, how do you know he works for the census? I looked, I mean, I didn't even receive a bio, so. Yeah. Apparently I didn't, but I have to,

has there ever been a census taker that has had a secret family that's been discovered? There has. And well, it did not turn out well for them. For the family or for the census taker? For the census taker. Their family was removed. for the census taker for the census taker their family was Removed from the census

The earth. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's even worse. The family was not they were removed from the census So those family members are persona non grata really yes, they don't add to the count at all So how often does that happen where you get to a house and you're like, uh oh, persona non grata. Can't count you. How often does it happen that I get to a house and I'm saying persona non grata? You're just saying my question's back at me. That's what you said, man.

Well, when I go to someone else's house, I can count everyone there. Everyone there is persona grata. Chh. Chh. Chh. That's my job. I can go count.

I mean, of course, unless if there's people who are over at the house who don't actually live there, then I don't count them for that house. Has anyone lied to you ever and said, like, oh, yeah, I live here, but they're sweaty and nervous. And you're like, I don't think this person lives here. And then you have to tail them and put a private investigator on. Then you find out they live somewhere else. Yeah. Really? Wow. Interesting. This is, I mean, it sounds like a bad job. Why would you? Why would you? I mean, you're the pros and cons. Okay. Pros. You get paid for nine years and nine months to do nothing, to just jack off all day, every day. That's a pro, I guess. Pro.

How much do you make? Inel sex. Inel sex. There you go. How much money do you make in the 10 year period? Well, over 10 years, I make $1 million, but that's, is it amortized? It's amortized.

Okay, so $100,000 a year. $100k a year. Oh, I forgot what amortized means again. I wouldn't even do a speech at Chelsea's house for that little. Gosh, man. Oh, really? Yeah. See, but you, okay.

But 60, you would do six, earlier you said you would do $65,000 for one. For one day, but I got you. Having to write the speech, because it was a two day thing. Yeah. Mm, not really. You could write it in the morning, get up at six, write it. I'm going to have, hey, I write it. Making that into a two day job is just ridiculous. You think so? Maybe. And maybe I could write the speech, knowing I would be giving the same speech at several other speaking pages. Why don't you have, do

you have an improv background? Let me think of a funny answer. I can't remember. No. Did your bios say you had an improv background? We should send each other bios. Yeah, I'd love to do that. And rewrite them together. That would be great. On Zoom.

I, anything on Zoom I'm in. Yeah. I love Zoom. And you know, people get upset about Zoom. You know what? I love it. I love seeing faces, I love talking. Yeah.

You could be a bottomless. I love having the option to be love seeing faces, I love talking. Yeah. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us.

You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us.

You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a lot of us. You can be a I send it. It's wonderful. Yeah, great. Do you get to do a census over Zoom ever? Well, we did have to do that in 2020. Yeah. It was actually kind of disappointing.

So we just zoom bombing people and going like, hey, how many people are on this Zoom? Yeah, so we would try to find Zoom links that were active. And so that was the last census you did. Yeah, that was the last census I did. It was a real, you I did it was a real You know, how long do you work? You know sometimes dog ricks you places do that They're like send a video of your entire house. I'm like um, how many dogs are you rescuing?

Well, I sometimes they do well I it was so it's so hard to get a rescue and like they'll be like send a video of your house including the perimeter I'm like no, this is a complete security risk for me. Exactly. Anyway, sorry, go ahead. Oh, that's okay. How long have you worked there? I've worked there for about, well, my first census was in 2000. Okay.

So you've done three at this point. So I've done three. So 23 years at least, how long were you working there before your first census? Nine years. Why would they hire someone nine years before the next Census and let them just sit there jacking off for nine years got to get all their ducks in a row Well, I just graduated college and that happened to be I graduated college would have been 1991 he was when I graduated college so instead of joining the cast of the real world

Was that a temptation for you? It was definitely, it was sort of between that and the real world. Oh, funny. So you chose the senses. Well, yeah, I guess I was thinking about joining the real world and then I said, what am I doing? Yeah, you know.

It's like, as soon as you graduate, you got two choices. The real world or the real world? This is a house full of people who don't normally live in that house. And also at this point in 91, you don't know whether the show's gonna be success. It's just like a weird experimental thing MTV is doing.

This was pre-paid row and, you know, like a puck and the years that got very, very popular. What, I mean, it was, I had no idea how popular it was gonna get, but I was intrigued by the idea of people who don't normally live together living in one house. Sure. But, so you like that part of it about the counting the number of people.

There's usually seven strangers. True story. All living in a house together. Yes. And I actually, I living in a house together. Yes. And I actually, I, you know, I, I sent in a tape and they said that, you know, you don't have any charisma. Oh my gosh. We don't want you on the show. It seems like they wouldn't even reply to the tape. They took the time out of the tape. They took the time out of the tape. Yeah. Out of the tape. They cut some stuff from your

tape, like awkward pauses. They sent me back a tape that they said back my tape that they'd edited and they would insert themselves being like critiquing it critiqued so they set up a camp they had a camera crew to actually film them Crit and stuff just writing you wow, yeah, that's how much I hated it and I said you know what all right. I'll just stick to Places where everyone lives in the same house. Right. Clearly, I don't, I don't get this. Right. But you liked that part of it. And so instead you said, what is there a job out there where people live in a house together and I can figure out how many people live there.

And then you joined the census in 1991. Your nine years later, hard cut to nine years later. You do your first census. Was it a thrill? It was, hard cut to nine years later. You do your first census, was it a thrill? It was, I mean, it was awesome. I was, for the first time, felt like people noticed me. Yeah, you know, they could see me. I wasn't just like a ghost walking around. Do you, are you a ghost?

I should, I should ask, I mean, because Chelsea is. Right, I died in a fire in the Redwoods. Yeah, just want to clear this up. Are you a ghost or are you not a ghost? I mean, I feel like, I feel that way, but as far as I know. You are corporeal? Yeah, when I jack off, I can feel it.

And so ghosts don't feel it, Chelsea would. When ghosts jack off, like, when I've hooked up with ghosts only air comes out interesting yeah but otherwise they feel completely lifelike because ghosts can't make real human people so it has to be air yeah it's a weird little do hiki about the whole organization of ghosts so we're I mean this is 2000. This is right before the, the twin towers fell. Boy, what a thrill. This sense is count up there, right? Oh, well, that we don't go to delete. I'm just saying, I mean, these are two tall tall buildings with a lot of people in them. Yeah, but nobody lives there. So as far as the senses is concerned, we wouldn't go to the towers. It did obviously affect the population.

Yes, of course. But we didn't like know what the effect of that was until 2010. In 2010, yeah. So what did you learn about people in this 2020 census? Oh, in the 2020 census? Yeah, the one I just said. Oh, I learned that, well, you know, like, I feel lonely and even people with families during COVID, they were feeling lonely.

Oh, I have to say, since the day is April 1st. Yes. So COVID had really, I mean, Tom Hanks had just said, oh, I got COVID doing Elvis in Australia, maybe a week earlier. So the effects of COVID really hadn't, you know, well by lockdown had already gone into effect by March mid March. Hmm, kind of late March and people weren't really taking it all that seriously around March 20 or so. So when you say COVID had this effect on the census, I mean, it had just started. Yeah, well, I guess I did go to a few, uh,

if you know what, I did like 95% of the houses in person now that I'm thinking about it. 5% of them were random zoom leaks that we found. Oh man. Man, with the real world people said that you didn't have charisma. They were understating it. My God. What do you think about this Chelsea? You know, it's interesting because when you said you were having a census taker on the

show, I was like, this is a little iffy. It could be dry, it could be fascinating. It's a lot like you talking to a neurosurgeon, bro. Yeah, well, except there's literal life and death stakes there, so that's actually right off the bat pretty fast. Where's Coach Hack with his snoring sound effects? Is what I wanna know. With the sensor taker?

Yeah, do you think he could send some over for us? Or I'm sure. Yeah, contact. Yeah, contact the safety. I'll have him send some snores. You can send them. That'd be great. Yeah, but no, what I was gonna say,

I mean, actually contrary to the snores is that I'm so pleasantly surprised by how fascinating and colorful. He has an interesting background. I don't have to say that, even though he's not allowed to do so many things. Couldn't you just quit by the way, if you really wanted to get married?

No, no, we can't quit. Once we sign up, it's for life. It's for life. It's like being a monk. It is like being a monk and... Monks don't get to do anal as far as I don't know I don't know either I mean a lot of them do anal I'm sure are they allowed to I don't know I think Thumbs up Yeah, I don't know if they're allowed to do anal but we definitely are but it is like is like being a mild. It's very, it's a very introspective life.

It's a sad life when I'm not doing the census. I guess I write a lot of poetry. Oh, this, I mean, I wish you would have talked about this earlier. Yeah. Let's hear some of the. I also wish I would have talked about this earlier. Yeah, let's hear some of the poetry. I guess it just took me a little while to warm up

and feel comfortable. Do you ever cut chunks of anything? No. Oh, God. Unfortunately. But let's hear some of the poetry. Okay. This one's called, I Wish I New.

I Wish I New. ominous. By Micah Fellows. How many people are in that house? I wish I knew I wish I knew ominous by Micah Fellows How many people are in that house? I Wish I knew Rose is a red violets are blue People falling in love having sex having kids household getting pretty big Grandma's dead one less in the place. What was her sex? What was her race? All the things I wish I knew, things I wish

to ask of you. What's your age? Are you old? Yes. Can you see me in the cold? I'm outside imagining all the things I wish I knew. Damn. Wow. She'll I mean. Are you crying because I'm a little bit tearing up? I'm a little misty, yeah. That's a very evocative of the- Father John Misty. Yeah, exactly. In the eye area. Hey, father John Misty, you wanna do a concert in my eyes? Seriously.

Yeah, here's an advance, $100,000 advance for you to do a concert in my eyes, Father John Misty. You're obsessed with money I just I can tell he wouldn't he wouldn't just like agree to do a concert right in my eyes You're like what's his fee? What's his fee? That's the mantra here see if you call it in advance Then he thinks it's a down payment, but then you go no, I just gave you 100% of it in advance just in advance Yeah, that's just in advance, yeah. Exactly. So, is that your only poem you've written or you have lots?

No, I've written a few more. Do you have, can we hear another one? Is that a part of your story? Sure, I mean, if, yeah, if you liked it, I mean, I, does it matter if we liked it or not if we can hear another one? I don't know, it's just that, you know, I don't interact with people much these days, so it's hard to tell. We did like it, we talked about, we? I don't know, it's just that, you know, I don't interact with people much these days. It's hard to tell.

We did like it. We talked about we were emotionally touched by it, so. But I feel that if you come on a show, it shouldn't matter if we like what you're doing or not, you should be prepared to do what you came here to do. Okay. Wow. Well, I would love to share another home with you

that I wrote. Non-contingent upon our liking of it. Sure, you can feel however you want about it. Okay, good. It's all the same to me. We did like it. I cried. I just want to make sure that you're not doing this because we liked it. You're doing it because you came here prepared to read your poems. No, I'm not going to change what I do just to, you know, satisfy other people. Okay. Good. Good. I just wanna make sure of that. All right, go ahead, read this next poll. It's called, once was a man. Oh.

Okay, once was a man. They're once was a man from Nantucket. A wife, three kids, fuck it. I'm in no mood to write this limerick. I feel sick. I'm depressed. A wife, three kids, that was a guess. I know nothing of this man.

I know nothing of his clan is grandma dead. It beats me. I'm outside, I cannot see. This man might as well be me, a man without a family. Where is it that I call home? Do I rent, Do I own? Who am I? What's my name? Am I Hispanic? What's my age? My friends say I should act my age. What's my age again? What's my age again? This is scary.

Is that the end? Yes. Very good. I feel like the end is sort of bordering on copyright infringement with Blink 182, but other than that, I think it was... Oh, that was just something that I shredded on my guitar. You shredded it on your guitar first and then you went into a poem? Yeah. What did it sound like when you shredded it on your guitar? Well, it sounded more like my friend say I should act my age. What's my age again? Very close What's my age? It's too song very very close You may have to alter that part, but I thought it was good. I mean, it's very it's very sad really scary and unsettling You also seem very fixated on grandmother's thing dead grandmother. I said wow

Yeah, although they all I mean a lot of them do die It's, although they all, I mean, a lot of them do die. It's one thing they're good for. Yeah, 100% of them usually die. Eventually. Yeah, I mean, that's, you know, obviously the ways that the population numbers can change is people are born and have you ever had a mom's time. Sorry, go ahead. You know that blink 182 got the name because you blink 182 times in a second.

Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? The facts that you learn. It's weird. Just from pop culture. Yeah. Do you have one last poem before we go to break? Wow. Yeah, and I'm going to read it whether you like me or not. Great.

Let's hear it. This one's called, I have no name. I have no name. Hmm. I have no name. I do not count. I don't count people, no amount. Even Dracula has a name. He's a count. At least he counts.

But I am dead just the same. Have no sex, have no age. Dead man walking like a ghost. Do you see me? No, you don't. Grandma's dead and so am I choking on your alibi, open up my eager eyes. I'm Mr. Brightside.

Okay, again. Have you done a crime? These are getting more and more like a confession. Yeah, but I have to say like the last few lines are from the killers, Mr. Brightside. Really? Yeah, I would be oblivious to that. Yeah, that's, I'm a little more too-nin' culture from 20 years ago than you are, but good job. Oh, thanks.

Thanks, yeah. I love the killers, so the comparison is... We're talking about the band. Huh? Okay, we have to take a break when we come back We're gonna take a hard right turn into just something very very entertaining That's right little pepper the singing and dancing boy is gonna do a special appearance on the show Chelsea Burrady will be here boy what an incredible show. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Tumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumum in podcast or do you like if I were to pass away would you do me the honors of bearing me throw a little dirt on you Yeah, sure why not I but I what I meant was I want to come by your studio with a bulldozer and bury it in

Mounds of fertile soil, okay, okay, I plant the seeds of my podcast. I would love that. Thanks. Yeah Do a little work around oh we also have a Micah fellows is here hey, and yeah census taker to the stars. I would imagine yeah He must have counted a few stars. I've counted a few stars. Yeah, yeah, Hollywood stars. That is yeah, Hollywood stars The rock I counted the rock you counted a rock wow. I know I counted the oh Yeah, so that's not part of the job. Just counting rocks. No, no, no, we don't count rocks.

Because that would be... It would just be... You wouldn't even count how many rocks there were in the world, right? It would be. Like Chelsea, without going over, how many rocks do you think are in the world? In the entire world?

Yeah. Googleplex. A Googleplex. Okay, I'm gonna go... A Googleplex? A Googleplex. A Googleplex. Okay, I'm going to go one. I'm going to go one. Price is right rules because I don't want to go over. So I think I'm going to win. Between you and me who's closer?

Well, no, I think you went over. I know, but one is, we know is very inadequate. Sure, but I think it over. So I'm probably closer. Oh, I don't know. Price is right. You never watched the prices right? Not really. I was but I'm probably closer. Oh, I don't know prices right? Never watch the prices right? Not really. I was allowed one show a week. Which show did you watch? Wonder years. Now this is this is Jordan just allows you one. Yeah, my husband. It's the reason I wanted to quote unquote rock my brain.

So Zeus network and then one show. you could, I quote, rot my brain. So Zeus network and then one show. Zeus network all day. Yeah. And then one additional show. We also have Michael Fellows here, census taker. I've mentioned that. But ladies and gentlemen, we're at that part of the show. Very exciting. Chelsea, I know this is why you agreed to do the show. Well, yeah, sometimes you know, you get to cross paths in this crazy town with someone that you look up to and admire and you're giddy about. This is incredible.

I've been hyping it all this entire episode and it's happening right now. That's right. We have a special performance from Little Pepper, the singing and dancing boy. Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Go on, Pepper, get it! Pepper, go up to the mic! Go on! You gotta get close! You gotta get closer to the mic, Pepper! Get up! Sit your song, Pepper! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm a little jellyfish! I'm a guy whoelle jellyfish. I Usually just drive pepper around but he is closed up like a clamshell today He is never like this. What is that pepper pepper? We we forget up there get up to the mic

Pepper we love you. We'd like to see you on fire. Let's get let's get pepper some encouragement God he's never like this. He's not doing it. Look at me shutting down. Sir, what was your name, Uncle Jellyfish? I'm from Jellyfish. Sure, who are you to Pepper? I usually drive around. I drive.

I have some experience in show business. So it's that trusted me with kind of taking them from gig to gig. And Pepper, this is a huge opportunity. You gotta be doing this, Pepper. Uncle Jellyfish, what, while we wait for pepper to sort of echo that, hopefully, you can make some water or something, God.

You should listen, I mean, if you heard this kid, I mean, he's a love pepper. Spectacular. Yeah, but what, what, what experience do you have in show business, that gave you the experience? I mean, it wasn't good experience. I was a hypnotist for a brief period of time. I knew hypnotism shows.

And so yeah, I did go from gig to gig. So big pepper trusted me to take a little pepper around. So you drove yourself from gig to gig? I usually did. Yeah, I do have a driver's license. I have a track. Yeah, well, you know, I put it down on the resume. What? A lot of people do it.

It's valid. A lot of people don't have it. Yeah, Paul of Tomkins didn't have one and he had it with 2000s. Yeah, and his career took off as soon as he took it. As soon as he had it. People were like, oh, you could drive to us? Amazing. So you're a hypnotist.

Oh, yes, I former. I still do it from time to time. What is your act like? Well, it's not good. It's bad. I know I really only hypnotize myself. Oh, so I self hypnotize and people didn't like that. They thought it was some sort of scam or something. It wasn't a scam. I was really hypnotizing myself to do what? Well, I quit smoking. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. vice to give some help. It just goes like you weren't smoking during the performance. Well, I was smoking the beginning and then I would shut myself down, I would snap out of it. And yeah, for me, it was helpful, but my audience is quickly dwindled. Pepper, get up there and sing a song. Pepper, you ready? Pepper, pepper.

Oh, God, damn it, pepper's going to the car. Oh, do you need to follow Pepper? And he'll be fine, he's upset. We don't, I I mean we don't need to talk to you if you need to follow pepper I well, I feel bad. I was hoping this is gonna be I bet on this show being a home room. Wait, we are sinking it. You're betting on the show. I bet yeah, I heard I heard the guess I heard me in a Senses taker. I heard me at Chelsea Brady. I was like, this is gonna be a show of the year. Where do you bet on shows being successful?

I'm a podcast magazine. I bet they take bets. I put on money on podcasts. I put $50,000. I know you're a money guy. I was with 50 dollars. Okay, we gotta deliver then for you. Yeah, this is, I know.

So yeah, I mean, I got a lot of skin in the game, Scott. I was ready to end the show if pepper wasn't gonna No, I mean I'll talk about whatever Wait, why is pepper mad? But we put peppers dog down today, and he is upset Oh I know it's terrible. I don't want to bring it up. Was the dog ill or no misbehaved

Very healthy That's not a powerful dog when or no misbehaved very helpful When you say misbehaved what are we talking? Oh God just pissing and shitting wherever Works the ever is not the best I mean you didn't have to deal with it Yeah, but you could in a rescheduled peppers appearance Not on a show like this. Right. Yeah. No, I probably wouldn't have. You listen. I would take it as an insult.

Oh, pepper's already got a bad enough reputation. Is it really? I heard that. I've just I'm a fan. Yeah, everybody knows the songs and everybody knows the dances, but they don't actually know the kid. Yeah, peppers a lot to deal with. Pepper. I love that. I love that.

I love that. And when he does it, I mean, people get worked up. They get emotionally affected. They get emotionally invested. Yeah. It's silly, but it's fun. Father John Misty might tell. And people get $100,000.

Yeah, pretty, pretty father John Misty when they hear little pepper, they're in a dry eye in the place. And it's the good kind of Christ. I know I was looking forward to kind of that catharsis of having a good cry. I mean we had we had an okay cry over here with Michael Fellows. Right. His poetry. It was fine. It's not just need a real like you got to let those cries out. Yeah. You got to let the tears roll into your smiling cheeks. Is your smiling at the same time you're crying. It's weird. It's like a

rainbow on a sunny day. Yeah. Yeah, interesting So pepper's not coming back you think or peppers don't I think probably Pepper is gonna look I've never seen pepper like this, but you like took your shoes off like aren't you like I I I always have to take my shoes off I have really I always have to take my shoes off. I have really Scarred feet. Oh, what why? From what? Jellyfish attack. That's how I got the name. Oh wait, so Uncle Jellyfish is in your actual mind. It's not my birthday It's not it's a nickname. They gave me because jellyfish is

Your feet are scared your face so bad. Yeah, they scarred my feet so badly. God, it was terrible What was pepper already born when you got that, were you already an uncle? What was your name? I'm kind of an uncle in spirit. Yeah, uncle was kind of tacked on. Those are the worst ones. But you have no nieces or nephews.

I don't myself, yeah, the, that I would love to have my own nieces. It never blood-related, but I don't have any siblings. Oh, it's hard to be an uncle without a sibling. You know what? It's damn near and positive. Yeah.

Oh, man, I would love to, I would love to get to your house one day in 20, 30. It seems like you have such an interest. It would, you would have a hell of a time getting there because I live on the sea. I live on a boat. Or you will have to. I live on a boat. Yeah. Oh my. Can you, I don't know, now I don't know where that factor is in

with the Urlana work, but technically I live all over. We're living in the National Waters originally. Me, well, I grew up, like kind of all over the place. Yeah. A lot of time. Rolling Stone, Military Family.

We bounced around. every time zone. Oh God, but this time of year, close to daylight savings, I'm a mess. Yeah. Because I'm, you don't even know where you are. I don't know. Yeah, I'll try to take it a little pepper everywhere. I don't know where I am. I know we're all the good fast food places.

All right, that's one of the downsides of life on the road. I'm out of shape. I saw a funny meme that was like, how much daylight do we need to save? Exactly, man. Yeah. Yeah, I love me, I love me. I love it.

Just give me the meme. Regardless of the quality. If it's a meme fucking Pepper can't stand to hear me talking about memes. I'm driving around and I'll bring bringing up memes. And he's like, look at the road, I'm going to live bitch. I'm going to be fine. It's just like, it doesn't seem like you even Pepper

get along that well. Pepper hates me. Oh, that's sad. But his parents hired you because of your parents. Yeah. Yeah. I saved his life. I feel kind of bad for him. Yeah. I saved big peppers life.

Oh, big peppers. You saved big peppers life? I saved big peppers life. How was he in peril? He was supposed to be on that submarine that imploded. Oh, the little tiny submarine. Yeah, he bought a ticket to the tiny submarine. And how did you save his life then?

I've changed his clocks. I knew, I'm actually big in the submersible community. I mean, I'm a timbre. We talked submersibles all the time. We, I mean, I'm always talking about submarine submersibles. And so I knew that thing was unsafe. So you changed his clock forward. I changed him way way back. So he slipped past. He overslept it and so he was pissed off. He was pissed off.

Everyone died. Well, he didn't know they died yet. But but how did he feel once he found it? Well, he was still pretty pissed off and then people explained to him. What exactly happened? Big pepper is slow. Oh, I wouldn't expect that. I mean, being a fan of little pepper. Yeah, he's so alert. Yeah, a little pepper. How he got all the good genes.

Yeah, and little pepper's not coming back. He's just so I mean, I'll go. I'll run out to the car. I'll try to get him to sing again. But like, I maybe waved him through the window. Yeah, I think. Hey'll run out of the car. I'll try to get him to sing again, but like I maybe waved him through the window anything Hey Come on a little puppy get back in here with you

I'm not going to talk still yeah, and I mean you know, but if you get results, I think it's fine I mean, that's the only way to get through to this kid. Yeah, hmm. Yeah Trust me. I've tried everything. I've tried to be, I've tried the carrot. Oh, it don't work. Oh, are you about to try the stick? Well, yeah, I mean, metaphorically, of course. What do you mean? Well, metaphor is...

No, no, no, no, I know what a metaphor is. I mean, what is the stick represented in your metaphor? The stick is just, you gotta talk, you gotta be straight with the kid. You gotta be a little just, you gotta talk, you gotta be straight with the kid, you gotta be a little bit forced. So straight talk. Straight talk. Okay, I see.

Straight talk. So the literal stick, straight talk expressed with this kid. I miss little pepper. I know, you like supper rules. I was so, so excited. I'm sorry, Chelsea, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. You don't need to kneel down in front of me like this.

And please put your shoes on. I've never seen something like that. The scars, yeah. The scars bubble that. I didn't know jellyfish could do something. They bubble up. Yeah, and well, I was missing for it. A lot of people think you're supposed to urinate on the jellyfish things. I know what you're supposed to do. Okay, well, you're not supposed to do that. You're supposed to pour like on the jellyfish things. I know what you're supposed to do. Okay, well, you're not supposed to do that.

You're supposed to pour like nearly boiling water on it. Really? But not boiling. Not boiling. So what are we talking like, no bubbles? As hot as you can take, you're supposed to pour on a jellyfish one. I went all boiling.

Yeah, that's what it was. I went past the jellyfish. You went to boil and we see this is not the jellyfish. Yeah, I went past boiling. And then you peed on them. And then you peed on them? And then I peed on them. So you peed on your skull boiling paint. Where are the peeds?

The peeds, they. I used to be kind of a pittest freak. So I used to be. And we went on this show as a sexual comedian. Is it, is it including you? I don't think so. What do you into? Like missionary, just mush. And do you into? Like missionary.

Just miss. And during missionary. Classic. Like having missionary sex and during it thinking, I love you so much. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's what it takes to take me over the edge.

Yeah. It gets you there every time. It gets you there every time. I'm getting that with strangers though. Yeah. No. If you can get there mentally with a straight. Yeah.

That's what. No, it's only with someone you're deeply in love with. Oh, okay. And you just got, you just think, I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much I'm over the down yeah fireworks Love it. I gotta try that some yeah sounds amazing. It's amazing. Yeah, I gotta try that yeah, but yeah Would you come up would you put talk to it would be kind of nice yeah, yeah Yeah, I usually keep I usually keep a couple spare sets of socks

Yeah, I would hope so are those kids socks their kids socks. Yeah, I mean technically they're a little bit ever sucks Yeah, they only fit on your toes. Yeah, I mean, can you it's better than nothing? If you have if you have five pair of those, then yeah, put them up. I got them up, yeah, each toe. Yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried about Little Pepper because, you know, I've read so many interviews and I'm always just so charmed. Yeah, he gives a great interview. I mean, he's got a funny anecdote for just about anything.

Yeah, he's a wimp. He's a wimp. Yeah. I've never seen him buffing up like this. Yeah, what's going on? I mean, is he intimidated by Chelsea? I think so. I mean, I he heard your old bio kind of rattled in my There's no way he's done so much more than I could ever dream to maybe when he hurt the middle name on my bio

That was Was it David was I hope that wasn't the problem. Do you think that maybe my poems made him so sad that they could, they definitely could have rattled him a little bit. I mean, he's a sensitive kid. Really? Yeah. He's an artist.

He's an artist. I mean, you're an artist too. And you don't seem like a sensitive person. Yeah, I'm asking an artist. Thank you. Hypnotist. I'm a performer, professional hypnotist. I was doing a stage show for some time. Thank you. Hypnotist. I'm a performer, professionally hypnotist. That why I was doing a stage show for some time.

Self-hypnotist. I was self-hypnotized, yeah. Would you ever make yourself like act like a chicken or anything? Sometimes I would embody historical figures. Oh. So you started like, how the whole book doing like Mark Twain?

Yeah, I used to do twain. I mean, the thing is, you can only pull from things from your Subconscious right now. I am not a historian so I don't know a lot about these So you would do one-man shows about people like Mark Twain without knowing any fact. Yes, I would put myself under I mean I could try to do it. Yeah I do it for you. Do you need any help from us? No, I mean it'll just take me a second wait Little pepper looks like he's waving and banging on the window.

Yeah, with the gallons, he all right. He shouldn't have started the car up in the garage like that. I'll be fine, though. You know what's happening? Okay, let's see the impression. So, and it's not an impression, it's not an impression. I'm sorry. I mean, body's an embodiment.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. You literally think you're this person, you're the time. I will think yes. Okay, so I'm gonna relax. I'm you're you're this person. I will think yes. Okay, so I'm going to relax. I'm going to get myself in this zone and it requires me to just talk a little bit lower and to focus on a point. I wish you had been talking like this the entire time. It's easy on the ears.

That's for sure. And now I'm going to count backwards. Five, four, three. I need to escape word. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, do you want us to provide? Yes, please. Banana fish. Banana fish.

Yeah, do you, if anybody says banana fish, I will snap out and close. Or are you gonna say, Micah? Well, just do you, do you cue yourself for like, while you're in the... Sometimes that just happens. Right, yeah, you'll just be talking about banana fashion yeah who knows what weight okay but you got down to two I believe okay two and one what a beautiful day oh man here on the Mrs. Sitt. Who is this again? Or Vinny Desterverty, I'm not quite sure.

The Mrs. Sitt. Yeah, he had down on the Mrs. Sitt. What a great day. Wasn't he, Witty? Mark Twain, was he known? You're good jokes. Yeah, of course I will. Well, there was a banana fish. Oh, God. Oh, he's out of it. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, that was very brief. You said Mrs. Sit. I did. I

I don't even know what I said. I mean, that's just yeah, you know, I was so in it. I thought I really thought I was that guy. Samuel Clements. Samuel Clemens. Yeah, the famous writer and humorist also known Multifaceted multi-vaceted creative do Oscar Wilde Yeah, I mean I could try it. Let me just he's really witty. So I'm hoping this one pays off Rolling for some air you died Clever these are only things my subconscious nose These are only things my subconscious nose Could be we could be running into a snack here. Yeah, should we start the countdown? Okay, okay, let me just focus on a point on the wall

Different safe words. Now you ask me a different safe word Chelsea. Do you have a safe word safety pin? Okay? Safety pin and safety pin in case something happens. I don't think Oscar Wildever they weren't invented No, no, that's good. I know They weren't invented. Oh, okay. No, no, that's good. He'll never get. He'll never get. Oh, okay. But that he has, we may accidentally say that.

Okay. Yeah, oh, it does matter. I'm, you're not gonna say, I won't say it. I mean, who knows what Oscar Wilde will say? Yeah. When I made it. If you do one that like he doesn't know in that time, can you never get out of the case?

That's why I was hoping, yeah, with safety pin. But I mean, we can keep it safety pin. It's totally fine. Okay, let's keep it we can keep it safety pin. It's totally fine Okay, let's keep it. Yeah, it's totally fine. And if you guys see me getting in trouble, please get us. We'll yell it out Don't worry me out of this. Don't worry. Okay For 32 two one yeah oh hello sir

well hello uh what is your name osco wild oh the the very famous writer that's right what are these contraptions around me oh the pay these no minds. Why am I talking like I Shakespeare down? You want them to understand you. Yeah, that's true. Oh, yes. Pay these no mind good, sir. These are just merely contrivances. Do they provide any sort of safety at all?

The pinning safety pin Oh, that was like a Lost girl wild just a hit and I come out of it early. That was that was even Should I come out the first time? Yeah, I don't feel like we're getting this you came out You came out you're you're top okay, yeah, your uncle your uncle tell you your old jelly I was an even sure I went in for a second there. Oh, yeah, who I don uncle tell you you're no jelly. Yeah, I wasn't even sure I went in for a second there. Oh, I who I don't think you know anything about these people.

I think you're intentionally saying you're safe. Where did I say that I figured what do you guys have the safety? No, no, no, I said it. You said it very good. Okay, and you found it. Definitely said, but I said, no, I was, I didn't have it. This is the problem with my show. I told you guys the show was not a success.

Yeah, right. Interesting. Look, there can't possibly be one more interesting thing about you, can there? That we haven't talked about yet. Of course, I mean, no way. Like what? What else in your past is interesting about you?

Because obviously, little pepper's not gonna come back. I want little pepper. I know, I know. I didn't. At this point, I feel like we have to give up on little pepper. That's right. I bet $50,000 on this episode. But we need to, we need to say,

like I thought it was a little curious. When little pepper ran out, you took your shoes off and got even more comfortable. It was like, grab that ottoman over there. Yeah. It didn't. I thought maybe if I relaxed, maybe pepper would see that and he'd be like, okay, this is not a little pepper impersonator.

It's not just a little. No, that's not like a small man. That's the actual, that's the actual, this is not a small man I heard Scott. That's the actual little pep. Small man you heard. It's not a small man I heard on the phone. That sounded a little bit like a little pepper

and then I heard him. So I don't see him. Okay good. And I've got him on a train. Got him out here. No, I was going to. Oh, the train. That's a lot of fun.

This is a great flying and you have to take the train. I didn't have to. Okay. I don't see him. I didn't take some weirdo off the phone, called me, saying he did a pretty good little pepper in question. Okay. Get him on the train that never happened.

Good. Well, that's why it's so brutal that he's sitting like 10 feet away, waving at the window. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like he turned the car off, but he's turned the lights on. Mm.

Because he's probably scared. Yeah, probably. Because it's not a full grown man. No, he's a nervous eater and then he is going to town on a subway So oh, okay, that's so good right now a sandwich. Oh my god. I wonder if I provide food for your guests Well, we have snacks over there, but submarine sandwiches. He ever had Lorenzo sandwiches. I want to try that Where's Lorenzo? Somewhere is it Lorenzo? I remember the guy with the the laser pointer And it's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say.

It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. It's not a bad thing to say. So there can't be another interesting fact about you, can there? Sure.

I mean, do you know what do you think about dog men? Dog men? Yeah, dog men also called werewolves or shape shifters. They're very popular to talk about in the cryptid community right now, of which I am part. You your part of the cryptid community So you're interested in things like big feet and yes, and that's one of the controversies Riling our community right now really our big feet The owners of dogmen

Or were wolf or shape shifters or are they enemies of them? I see so they could be enslaving them. That is what the controversy is and the debate is about. Now, I am of the camp that these dogmen are enforcers of the Bigfoot. Okay, so they're the guardsmen of the Bigfoot. That's right. Yeah, interesting.

And are you one of these dogmen? Yeah. How does this tie in to the present moment? Yeah, why are and you're are you one of these dogmen? Yeah, how does this tie in to the present? Yeah, why are you why are you bringing it up? Bring it up. It's just the passion of mine. Oh, okay. So you're part of the cryptic. There isn't a third thing about you. Okay. I, Chelsea, I've got $50,000. This is gonna be a good show. Because we want to win you this $50,000. I know, so I'm trying. We're struggling. Because I mean, Michael,

I mean, doesn't have another poem, I don't think. So that's not gonna get us over the hump, right? You only brought three, right? Yeah, I only brought three poems. The most recent one I wrote two weeks ago. I haven't been able to write one since. Right, so. Do you have a therapist?

Do I have a therapist? I see a Zoom therapist. You're not just counting him. No. When you're in therapy, are you just like one, one, one, one, one? Yeah, just counting him over and over and over and over. You can't clock out. Yeah, well, that's one of the things that we're working on is that

I'm not supposed to be counting Like in this room right now in your head are you like one two three of course I am little pepper makes for It's a good title for this episode. Yeah Of course I'm everywhere I go I want to count but I'm not I want to count little pepper. I want to know is uncle jellyfish Clearly uncle jellyfish is not little pepper's actual uncle, but I do want to know Little Pepper. I want to know is Uncle Jellyfish. Clearly Uncle Jellyfish is not Little Pepper's actual uncle But I do want to know the real he said he was so I do want to know the relationships of people But who live in the same domicile and what about big pepper all this kind of I'll tell you what my favorite is

Go into the movie This is interesting Let's get you this 50 grand Let's get you this 50 grand. Let's get you this 50 grand. We found that third fascinating thing. What's your favorite movie? Oh, of all time. Yeah. Curly Sue. Curly Sue. I thought he said early Sue. Oh god. Yeah. Not a lot of people. The Sue series. The early films. Is that about a little girl like, is it? Curly Sue is. Yeah. Su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su- Yeah, I really so yeah, what do you think that's about? Oh God I would bring up in therapy you go there me. Oh, well you go into the Yeah, I mean I bring this stuff up. I didn't mean it just like a symbolic thing So you shout this

Through why do I like to watch. I bring up my personal problems. And then I let the movie talk back to me. You're sitting at this movie. And you're going, why do I like little kids? Oh my gosh. I get my popcorn, I sit down, I say, man, why do I like kids dancing in the sink? Hey, Uncle Jellyfish, I feel like we got you over the 50 grand hump.

God, I really do. I really thought we got there. So congratulations. Damn, I hope so. You're gonna break even. Yeah, that's how it, that's how entire savings. I wouldn't even do one day giving a speech over Chelsea's. Oh, yeah. You will.

Okay, I will. I probably will. But look, Uncle Jellyfish, I'm glad we got you that money, but we are running out of time. We really only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is of course a little something called plug. Zzz. Well, they open up the plug bag, it's still there's not, and they close up the plug bag too. And in between those two particular points of time

And talked about some stuff that they do Well, everybody plugs baby that's a fact Maybe everybody plugs some deep plugs back Put some bang bang on, give all Scott some reason And meet me tonight in blue, back city Bang bang, oh, yeah Now that's just shameless, oh hello. That's just shameless pandering for my other show. Which I do want to plug, of course.

Adam Scott and I have our current podcast series, You Spring and Springsteen on my bean, where we talk about the music of Bruce Springsteen. You can get that anywhere podcast are. Thank you to, by the way, that was Plug Bag City by Spruce Springsteen shamelessly pandering to get on this show. All right, what do we want to plug? Chelsea, out of everything that we talked about in your bio, would you want to? I want to actually be a little unconventional.

I want to plug my bio. Really? Where can people find that? Online. Good. Just Google it. Hopefully someone can transcribe it from what I've said. Yeah. Click the sheep part.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And a call Chelsea Paretti obviously is out there right now. Anywhere, yeah. Anywhere that podcasts are sold. Are you putting in the grinder? You're gonna do it weekly or is it a seasonal thing? What are you doing? Do it weekly!

Till the end of time? Till they put me in the grave. I heart is gonna pay for my cask. Really? I'd love to put the ground on I heart is gonna pay for my cask. Really? I'd love to put the ground on your face as well. I would love that. Whoever dies first, let's throw dirt on each other. Throw dirt on each other's grave.

That's so sad. I love that about it. Okay. And then Micah Fellows, what do you wanna plug? I have a collection of poems coming out. Oh good. How many poems? Just the three. Three poems. It's called Nine Years of of poems. Wow. Okay. How what what size font are you using on these eight point? So this is a short book. It's one page

Okay, okay. Well, I mean where people get this you can download it on Amazon selfublished. Self-published? How much does it cost that page? Well, it costs me 35 cents to put it up. Okay. And then how much are people paying? Well, it costs me 35 cents to print it at FedEx. Okay. For each one. Okay.

I have to pay Amazon 25 cents. I thought you said people could download this. Yeah. No, no. They buy an Amazon, I mail it to them. You mail it to them. You mail the page. So 35 cents a page. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Forever stamp is about 50 cents. Somewhere around there. Yeah, I, to be honest. This is a real hornet's nest. Yeah, so you're out of cost. You're out of a dollar at this point or so. The gas to the, the kinkos.

The gas to the kinkos, yeah, is probably like another 40 cents. Yeah, so you're maybe a buck 50 at this point? Yeah, buck 50. How much are you charging? How much do people pay? I'm charging $1.50. Okay. Great. So you're breaking even up. Not quite, not quite because I have to pay the 33 cent visa processing fee. Right, right, right, right. But I just want to empty out my soul to people and give it to them.

Wonderful. They can afford. And what's the collection called? Nine years of poems. Nine years of poems. A poem. Okay, great. And Uncle Jellyfish, what do you want to play?

Aah! Yeah, of course, still here. You'll catch a little pepper on tour. We're not, you do, you can have control over little pepper. At this point, I wouldn't buy a ticket. This is like Lauren Hill, I would buy a ticket to one of her shows. I wouldn't buy a ticket to Little Pepper. Not a chance.

We're working out. We got time. By the time this comes out, little pepper will be back. You can write in good shape. I wonder if you could hypnotize yourself into being little pepper. Yeah. God, I'll try. Well, let's try it after plus.

I'll have to plug. Yeah, we'll see. Anything else you want to plug? Check out one of my favorite podcasts that I keep on while I'm walking around to do this to be Action Boys Podcast. Action Boys, that is. All right, so you don't drive around when you're off the clock.

You just walk around. No, I gotta get out of the car. I walk everywhere. Yeah. I imagine a lot of drivers do that. Yeah, yeah. It must be not fun to drive around. It's like, oh God, it feels like you're back at work.

It feels like you're clocked in. And so I walk around, which isn't easy on my feet. Oh, yeah, yeah. Those look even worse, by the way. Yeah, what happened? I spilled hot coffee on them. Well, where did you get the hot coffee? Well, I put on a little boiling kettle over in the snack

section here. If I were you, I would stay away from boiling. I know. I'd stay away from boiling. I know what's so, I only would sound like hot stuff. Yeah, that's terrible. Well, I want to plug the aforementioned you spring and spring scene on my bean with Adam, but also go over to the CBB world.

We have the neighborhood list and is over there now. We also have Hey Randy and this book changed my life and who me with a Batman. And we have a college town in Scott hasn't seen. We also have Hey Randy and this book changed my life and who me with a Batman and We have a college town and Scott hasn't seen Chelsea should do an episode of Scott hasn't seen it so we watch what is that? Oh, I would love to yeah, we watch you know, I'm like sitting here. I'm going you know what podcasts are fun They're fun. I see why all my friends every time I call anyone or text them like to hang out. They're like I can't I'm doing a podcast Yeah, I'm starting to see the appeal. I like it Yeah, it's a great excuse to see people too

I don't know if I would have reached out to you just to say like hey, what's up? Thank you But to say hey will you do a podcast and what's it gives you an excuse? It's me an excuse to talk to people. Yeah. Um, all right. So what's the bean factor in? What what do you have seen bean show? Bean Oh, bean, bean. Oh, okay. I wonder what you meant by that question. That's been quite a minute.

I think about it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's getting really close to me. Oh, sorry about that. You got the good fan. Well, you got the good fan. Yeah, I'm trying to cool. Please don't because it's it just... You have the Beyonce fan. You got that beautiful fan.

Thank you. Okay, let's close up the old plug bag. Dibbar made for closing. So we did it by my own shot. Them died and then Dibbar made for locking. So we did it by key and make it right. We've got it to the right. Oh, no, that's a lot

That is time you own In the blood bag Open the blood Come back Yeah! Stop it! Open the blood Get a lot of love

Shake your key And turn it to the right Open up the blood When you're feeling it will end down And the moon is bright You got a Meda Kee So did my God Take it, look it out But I like the cringos fillin' with the down And the moon is hot, you gotta Mabukiya Surid my rock, I can't lose it out of my

I'm a boobin' Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- Open. All right, that was jitter plug by Dave Moore, thanks to Dave Moore. And all right, we've come to that time. Chelsea, first of all, thank you so much for being here. Always great to see you. Come back when your movie comes out. I'm very excited for you. Thank you. Thanks, Scott. I don't even know if you retained that part of the bio.

Yeah, I can't wait. It was the one. It was the one. And the spring. Thank you so much. But I really, what I really want is little pepper to watch it. I know, yeah. I wonder if we can get it to him.

But we'll talk about that in a second, Micah. Thank you so much for being here. Good luck with your money losing book, but I'm glad that you're getting your soul out there. No, thanks. Is that what it's called? Money losing book. Yeah.

It's kind of maybe a better title, that nine years of poems. Nine years of poems. Yeah, I'll change it to money losing book. I'm gonna have to reprint everything, but I think that that's like a lot more. Then it fits the title, actually, even more. Yeah, I'll change it to money losing book. I'm gonna have to reprint everything But I think that's like a lot more than it fits the title actually even more. Yeah, yeah, what a pain and Uncle jellyfish. Yeah, let's see if we can do this if we can hypnotize you and get you to oh To be little pepper. Yeah, because I personally want to hear a song

Singing and dancing boy All right. All right. Do you need to say where? I do. I do. Let's make it something very complicated. Maybe it's something that people jellyfish can.

Yeah, I don't really want to see myself. I don't want to see myself. Undivided, disestablishment. Disestablishment. Undivided, disestablishment. Undivided, disestablishment. Yeah. OK.

Were you reading that by? Yes. I'm usually suspecting it. Undivided disestablishment. Yeah, okay I'm usual suspecting it because I have a big poster right behind Okay, I good now. This is good. All right, let me just focus on a point in the wall and just You're looking at my playboy calendar when you're focusing on the point in the wall Okay, my playboy calendar when you're focusing on the point of the wall What's that? Looking at the very... Oh, your foot, your foot, your foot. Yeah, two colors, two colors. Keeps creeping in.

Uh-huh, you got the good fan. And five, four, three, two. Uh-huh, uh-huh. One. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a song and see a little dance from Little Pepper the Singing and Dancing Boy! Woo! Pepper! Yay! Yay! Let's hear a song and see a little dance from Little. Please, little pepper. This is the stick little pepper. Sing, Goddamn it.

Sing, sing, sing, Goddamn it. Sam's feeding me. Sam, he's feeding me. Sam, pepper, save me. Please, pepper, sing. And could you fucking answer me? Ah! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH