Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Come On Baby, Shoot That Conga (Phoebe Robinson, Vic Michaelis, Dave Theune)

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Multi-hyphenate comedian Phoebe Robinson is here to talk about the downside of being a girlboss, as well as her new stand-up special “I Don’t Wanna Work Anymore.” Then, promoter Eig de'Ouef offers Scott and Phoebe big bucks to appear at her comedy festival—with a just few restrictions on content, of course. Finally, music critic Dunno tells us about a recent Oasis show he went to. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You be a comedy bang bang, bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang. Comedy bang, bang, comedy, bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang. You be the nine, I'll be the six, let not come between us, but our mouths and our dicks. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. No. Thank you to Toot Touddy Butt for that catchphrase submission. Wonderful catchphrase submission submitted in January of 2023, just getting around to it. But thank you, Toot, Two-D-But for that.

And welcome to Comedy Bang-Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang-Bang. We have an exceptional show coming up a little later. We have a festival organizer that will be interesting to talk to them about the festival that they're organizing. Hmm, probably. Who knows? Also, we have a music critic. Okay, well, that's a good show. But before we get to them, we have another exceptional guest. I mean, we are, this is like a grand slam if only three people were involved in a grand slam. I guess you need four. But, oh, I'm the fourth. Wait, this is, no, this is the grand slam of comedy. I'm batting cleanup on this. If that's a term that baseball people use it. Look, we're in the middle of the hunt for the October Prize, aren't we? Or I guess it's gone into November.

She is, she does it all. She is a actress. She is a podcaster. She is a author. She is a good friend to people. she is a did I say podcaster? Yeah

Maybe that's it then Stand up I know I'm getting to that That's why you're here But most importantly She is a stand-up with A really fantastic new special Called I don't want to work

It is out on YouTube right now Please welcome back to the show Phoebe Robinson Thank you Phoebe Phoebe Phoebe Thanks for having me Phoebe Phoebe Phoebe The last time I did the show

We were at a studio and now we're at your plate, in your office. I know. Your office is, guys, it's big. It's bigger than the studio. It's too big. The ceilings are too high. No, this is amazing.

I'm fourth for you. Yeah, I mean, there are three stories high. It's too much. You got a great home. Thank you very much. But we don't need to give away my assassination location coordinates. Sorry. It's been so long since I've said it.

I forgot what they called it. But Phoebe, you are, of course, a new year. York gentlewoman and you're New York based. Not New York born and bread, are you? No, I'm from Cleveland, but I moved to Brooklyn to go to college. I went to Pratt Institute and I stayed. Pride Institute. Pratt. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. I don't know what that is, but I'm not a person who understands colleges. I, anytime in the New York Times crossword where they say, like, this college does this or the mascot of this college, I'm just like, what? I don't, I didn't go to college? I don't know.

But you went to Pratt. And what was your field of study? I studied writing. So it's like creative, like nonfiction, did a little poetry. What's creative about nonfiction? I thought it was just the facts, as they said on dragnet back in the 50s. Well, it's just more like, you know how like that guy, James Frey, like a million little pieces where he just basically like fabricated it? Oprah had a big problem with him. That's all I really remember about him. He was like, this really happened. So a memoir of stuff that actually

happen and then the more you pull the threads. Yeah. So that's what you were taught to do is to do this James Frey type of stuff. No, no, no, we're taught to do that you do it in a way where it's clear that you're not saying like, this is the truth as it happened. And so everyone should believe that this is, you know. And have you written some sort of book like this? I haven't kept up with your authorial works. I have three essay collections out.

What are essays exactly? They're like short. things where you talk about a topic, right? Yeah, yeah. So, you know, my first book is, you can't touch my hair and other things I have to explain. Second one is everything's trash, but it's okay. And the third one is,

please don't sit on my bed and you're outside clothes. So I love to have a fun title. I don't think I would sit on your bed in my inside clothes either. That's very personal to sit on your bed. I know, people are like just don't, they're too casual about germs. Yeah, well, I guess when you're in New York also, So it's a smaller place.

So many rams. I imagine what, do you have like a four bedroom or? I have a three bedroom. You have a three in New York. And so, you know, but it's smaller. So I can imagine people wandering in there and during a party or something. Are you an entertainer? I know you're an entertainer in terms of your career, but are you an entertainer at home?

I do like to host a Super Bowl party every year. Really? Are you a football fan? I am a football fan. I mean, when you're from the Midwest. Are you a Cleveland? No, Cleveland Browns. Browns, right?

Yes. The Blounds. The blounds. The Cleveland blounds. No, the Cleveland Browns. My brother is a diehard fan. Okay. I sort of don't have a team and I kind of just like watch everybody because I think it's fun. Okay. So you migrate from team to team, whichever way the wind is blowing. Who are you into right now? I will say I do because I'm from the Midwest. I do root for like Detroit and those kinds of teams are also from the Midwest because it's like it's just. They called it the Motor City once. Yeah. They did. One time and then it stuck.

Now, and so your Super Bowl parties, do you do like a theme beyond just football? Like, you know, everyone has to dress up like one of the players, but not on the field at home or anything like that? No, I will say, so this year it was in New Orleans. So I did, you know. Gumbo. I didn't do gumbo, but what did I do? Okra. Catfish.

I can't remember what I did. Fritos. Frito pie. I cooked and a frito pie is so good. But yeah, I had like a whole like sort of like Southern theme. So that was like really fun. Oh,

red beans and rice. I did all that kind of stuff. R. Yeah, which is really good. And then the year when it was Rihanna, I was like, it's just only about Rihanna.

Everyone just be cool. Like bring some champagne and just. So it was a be cool and be classy. We're going to watch Rihanna and not focus so much on football. The game was terrible. So it was. only about Rihanna. Yes. And what do we think about the bad bunny controversy? It's great. It's great. He's awesome. He's one of the

biggest stars in the world. It's so funny to see people complaining about it. It's so wild because I know Gloria Stefan, she did the halftime show and she sang all in English and this was like 91. So I don't know why people are acting like it's also like not a big deal. Someone doesn't perform in English. She's having English, but those words to Conga are so fast that they could be misconstrued for anything. Come on baby See baby baby What is the rest of it?

Come on baby see my baby Do that conga Come on baby Come on baby, shoot my baby I don't know what they are You are so close Am I close? Well we'll see who ends up

In the big game Of course we're not supposed to call it the Super Bowl We're supposed to call it the big game Because they've trademarked Super Bowl So anytime that you Is this a bit? It's not a bit

Anytime that you are doing any piece of media about it, like a storyline on a show or anything, everyone goes, are you coming over for the big game? No one can say Super Bowl because they own the trademark for it. That's trash. That's trash. It should be like the iPhone where they go,

you know what? We own this trademark. You know how you can shoot an iPhone in any... They said, when iPhones came out, they said, you don't need to clear these. Clearing stuff in TV movies is so strange. Like, you have to tape logos off of shoes. Like, people wear shoes.

Yeah. What are we worried about? You know what I mean? But so, but then with the iPhone, they said, you know what? Anyone put an iPhone in any of your TV shows and movies? We don't care. Yeah. It's free promo.

Yeah. So why not? That should be what they do for the Super Bowl. I know. The big game. The big game. They're so, so stupid. But we'll see what happens with that come February.

But you know what I want to talk about right now is you have a new stand-up comedy special called I don't want to work. Anymore. Anymore. Yeah. Did I say the Anymore in your introduction? No. God damn it. You can add it in post.

I was, oh, could I? Just do it anymore. Can we do, can, I'm going to do a clean anymore so we can put that. Okay. Okay, ready? Anymore. Okay, so the editor just cut that out and just put it before so I don't look like a fucking idiot.

All right. I'm so fucking stupid. Why was I doing this off memory? I didn't write it down. Normally I have notes and stuff, but I was like, I just watch this thing. I know exactly what it. Fuck, I'm so stupid. Anyway, editor make me look smart.

Don't crash out. Don't crash out. Okay. Yeah. It's too early in the morning to crash out on this. But it's a great special. I have watched it. Thank you. And man, I just thought this was, I have to watch a lot of stand-up comedy specials for this show. And I always say, oh, they're really good. Yeah. I don't mean it. And they usually fucking suck. And I was like, all right, let's fire up the old YouTube and let's watch one of these comedy specials. And I was like, God, damn, she is fire up. on all cylinders for this. Oh, thank you. Because you never know what to expect

with a multi-hyphenate like yourself. You can, one can sort of think like, oh, they got this special because of their other work, their acting work or whatever, and they didn't put a lot of work into it or something. But I was like, God damn it, Phoebe is like, you, I mean, this is an exceptional special.

You worked super hard on it, I can tell. Yeah. And everything was hitting. Every single joke was hitting. And it was just like, oh, my God, I can't, like, I don't know where you found the time. Like, I watched it and I was exhausted for you. Like, where did she, how often did you, you had to be out there working every night to do this way?

Well, why? It probably, I know. Why do something like this? It probably took me like a year and a half to put the hour together. Like, I'm not a person who could just like crank out an hour every year because I just think you need to have time. Yeah. To let things sit. But I'm really nerdy when I like think about an hour.

So like I'll have a Google Doc. I won't have a title yet. but I'll like write a thesis statement of like this is what I think I want the hour to be and then whatever falls under that umbrella like has a chance to make it the cut if it's good enough and then when I have my jokes I write them out each sentence gets its own line so I can see if it's each sentence that you say in the special gets its own line meaning you're just typing out what you're saying yeah but it's like it's like if I have like a a bit and there's like five lines in the bit

Like it's like the first sentence, enter next line, next sentence. Okay. Because that way I can really see what's doing the heavy lifting, if it's too wordy, if I should move things around. This sounds like some dat fan kind of like, do you know what I'm saying? Remember his research paper that he was doing anytime he would do a set. But it helps because so many times we overwrite jokes, you know. So then if you have an undocumented, you can go, okay. I wish that were my problem.

Yeah. I'm so under, I don't even write them. Yeah. But yeah, so you can kind of overwrite jokes. A lot of that comes out when you just kind of get up and say them and save them in your own words and try to figure out, you know, how you're communicating to the audience, right? Yeah. Like a lot of it gets stripped away. Yeah. And then you go back to the documentary, you're like, oh, I could cut all of this so they didn't need it because what I said on stage was like perfect.

So then I'll go back and listen to my sets. I always find that when you forget to. say something, and this can be in a stand-up bid or a pitch or anything like that or a story you're telling, that's usually the part that doesn't even need to be there anyway, you know what I mean? Yeah, I totally agree with that. So, yeah, I just, you know, I love stand-up. I started doing stand-up in 2008, and I just really wanted to really sit down and be like, okay, if you really, like, put your all into doing an hour and, like, had a theme, like, what would it be? Because I think before I was just sort of cobbling jokes together.

Yeah. And it just didn't. A lot of specials are like that where it's just like, they pretend to have a thesis and they go like, oh, yeah, this is my thesis. And then they say it in the first five minutes. And then there's a long 50-minute detour of just random jokes. And then they get back to it at the end. But yours is pretty on topic for the majority of it.

And it's a great thesis. Do you want to say exactly what it is? Yeah. It's just like, you know, this whole girl boss thing, which I think so many of us fell for in the early. aughts because I was just like hustling and grinding is what everyone did. I don't think it is going to set us free and sort of like I just don't want to be on this hamster wheel anymore. And if I could marry an old rich dude who will put me in the family will, I would do it.

Yes. It's very funny. I related to it. Because you see these people on like, say, the current season of love is blind who are like, you know, I want to have an empire. I want to be a power couple. I'm like, you don't know how exhausting that is. Yeah. And then you have, like, I've talked to friends who the whole thing of like, oh, I'm a strong black woman. That is something that they feel the responsibility to have, but then they don't always want to be that all the time. You know, it's like, and it's refreshing to see someone who is out there just going like, God damn it, I just don't want to have to fucking, you know, because you talk about all of the multi-hyphenate things that you do. Yeah.

And just how tiring it is and how great it would be to retire. Wouldn't it be good to retire? It would be great. If I could retire at like 55, when you're still like kind of, yeah, I know, it's like tomorrow. I got to, for me. No, no, no. But like 55 or 60, so I could just like, I feel. What would you do if you did retire? You know, I've thought about it because I spent so much of my 20s and early 30s so focused on work and stand up and attaining a level of success and status. So I like didn't like, you know, live that much life. I didn't like travel that much. I miss like baby showers and weddings and all those things. You can go back to the babies. Whose showers you missed. Give them a present. I can. But I think I would just want to spend more time with family and friends, travel, enjoy other hobbies. Like one of my big hobbies is I'm a marathoner. So I would love to just keep. Yeah. I just did Berlin. And then I'm training for Philadelphia, which is it next month. Are they different? Like on Philadelphia,

Do you get to ring the Liberty Bell at the end? Yes, they let each of the 40,000 people who run get one ring. But like how do you train for a different city? Do you, is it a different terrain? Do you, you know what I mean? Like in Germany, are you going through any of the terrible places like and you got to shield your eyes? No, you're not going through any terrible places, but you do have marathons that are flatter road like Berlin as opposed to New York or Boston, which is hills. Is it? Oh, really, are they? Yeah. What is, and I've talked about this, the L.A. Marathon.

Someday I don't want to train for it. I just want to walk it one day. Do you think I could do it? I mean, it's going to take you a long time. It would take like seven hours, right? To walk? I walk by a pretty good clip. I think it's going to take longer than that. I walk like at a four to five mile an hour clip. Oh, well, then yeah, you can bang it out. Yeah. You walk so fast. Well, I have long legs. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's faster than so people can run. Is it doing it with me, and I have to wait for her.

And she's complaining all the time, like, stop with walking so fast with your long legs. Then it's going to be a little longer. So you're a marathoner. You would do that. But then I also feel like, aren't you a workaholic? The mere fact that you put this special together and it's so good makes me go like, Phoebe just loves working. I used to be a workaholic.

I went to therapy for it. During COVID, because everything was stopping. I was like, well... What do I do? Yeah, what do I do? Who am I? Blah, blah, blah. And I was just sort of like, I can't...

That's not good. So now you still seem like one, though, because you did this special. But you just feel better about it? I feel better about it. And I just, you know, build in pockets of rest. And I just... I think I'm more efficient. You know, once I hit 40, I just learned how to do my work more efficiently.

So I remember when I wrote my work more efficiently. remember when I wrote my first book, I would be like staying up until like 3 o'clock in the morning and writing. And now I'm like, bitch, get this shit done by 6 p.m. First draft, best draft. Yeah. No edits. Zero. We don't do this show with any edits other than that one. You've got to put me saying anymore when I say the title of her show. Leave it out. Leave it out. I wanted to haunt him. I want it to haunt him. Now people can get this and access this. special on YouTube. Is this something that

you filmed yourself and put it on YouTube? Yeah. I had a director Sharza Davani. I guess I don't mean that you literally directed. But she's brilliant. She actually came up with the design for the stage backdrop. Oh, great. I didn't even know. And it was shot here at Dynasty Type. Yeah. The stage where I performed

a parody of Eminem's Lose Yourself all about the show, ER. Did you know that when you take the special or? You know what? They did mention that. as a selling point of like why I should shoot there. Okay, good, yeah. That energy was just on that stage, I'm sure. And, but you, you, I guess,

paid for it yourself and put it up on YouTube and stuff? Yeah, I just was like, I just want to do this. I don't want to be lost in the algorithm because I feel like it's so hard on these platforms sometimes to sort of stand out. So I was like, I'm just going to put this out. It's a good calling card. And so people can see what I can do

and what I've been up to. Yeah. It's great. And it's fantastic. Like I say, I have had to watch a lot of comedy specials. And I don't want anyone to be like looking at past episodes over the past year or so and going like, oh, he didn't like any of these ones. Like, no, I liked them fine. But this one is great. This is the best one I've seen. It's really, really good. And just was very relatable, some great topics. The overall thesis is wonderful. But then you get into very specific stuff. I was watching with Kula. and she was laughing as well. And we were laughing at a probably a pace of once every 20 seconds. Is that good when you're watching a special? That seems maybe too much. That's great. Oh, my God. Three per minute?

Yeah. 60 minutes, 180 laughs. Yeah. I'll take it. That's incredible. I feel like I owe you laughs now. You're great. Just don't even worry about it.

Okay. And don't put that any more. back and flee. Come on, man. Look, I pay your salary editor. Phoebe's, you know, she's a movie star maybe, but I pay your fucking salary. I'm not a movie star. I saw you in Abiza.

That's right. Shout out to Abiza. That was a fun movie. It's on Netflix. Yes. Yeah. Went to the premiere. Were you there?

I can't recall. Yeah, I was there. Yeah. We also went to, of course, a little band called You Two. We went to a show together. at Madison Square Garden and had a good time. Did you go to the sphere shows?

Yes, we went opening night. Okay. And that was very fun. But you're a person that, like, Bono actually, like, texts and keeps up with, right? Well, we don't text, we email from time to time, and he does send me flowers on my birthday.

Is he Bono at Bono.com? Or Bono at me.com? Yes, that is. So everyone, go ahead and just fire away an email. We never got beyond the barrier of him texting his publicist who texted us and sent us those texts. That's great. So, I mean, that's, I mean, it's one step removed from what you're getting, though. You're getting, like, direct contact.

Yeah, but it's not like we're email buds where we're sitting, like, long paragraphs, you know. You don't have, like, a text chain where you're, like, taking pictures of whatever you're watching on TV, taking video of it going, look at the way he pronounces this. Have you seen the pit? No, I'm not doing that with it. The pit. Have you seen the pit, by the way? It's so good. I have three episodes left and I'm sort of just like taking my time with it because I love it so much and it makes me cry so much. You'll enjoy my ER rap then. When you hear it. Well, this special is called I don't want to work anymore. You did it. Thank you, editor. Thank you for putting that in. I don't want to work anymore. It's on YouTube. And is this like, is this the last special you're going to do? Are you going to go out at the top of your game? Or are you still, like, thinking of other stand-up specials?

Do you, like, once you filmed this, were you still going out to clubs and still doing stand-up? I, the next, so I was like, I'm going to take a break, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then the next night I went, I went up at Largo. But I have taken a break, and so now I'm going to get back into it. Because I just was like, I feel like I said everything I had to say. And so now I'm just like, I need to live a little bit more life in order to. Yeah, I felt like that around episode 700 or so. And unfortunately, the release schedule is once a week and doesn't really afford me the luxury. But you have so many fans who tune in every week.

Sure, sure. And we love them. We love the fans. That's what we have in common, I think, you and I is we love our fans. We respect our fans. We want to have them over. At Comedy Bang Bang, by the way, we care. That's our new tagline for this year.

Comedy, bang, bang, bang, we care. I'd like to hear from all of you out there about whatever troubles or travails you're going through because we care. Do you do voiceover work? Occasionally I may be on the upcoming season of Invincible, but other than that, look, I'm offer only,

which is a huge problem in the industry I'm finding. Don't really have the time or bandwidth for auditions, but, uh, you know, if anyone wants to send me anything. Do you think I'd be good at or are you trying to say like, oh, you can get out? You have a great voice. That's why I was asking. I was like, you would think this kind of job would lead to other jobs like it, but, uh, I'm not fine. There's a couple of green. What is it big, big city green? I think I'm on a, there's tender greens or sweet green. And then I, there's a musical episode of like one cartoon that I did years ago that I don't think ever came out. Yeah. Where I like had to sing a song and all this kind of stuff. Oh. But I don't think it ever came out or it hasn't come out yet Or maybe these things take a million Do you do a voiceover work? Here and there, I did something on King of the Hill But I shot it, I recorded it like last year

And it came out this year And it came out, who'd you play? I played, it was this episode It was like this cooking competition And I played this sort of like Dushie woman who like She studied at like culinary school in France And so now she thinks she's a big deal

And it was really fun And that show is getting great reviews Yeah But I was just saying Like even like I could see you doing like A Walgreens commercial I would love to do that

You know what I mean? Like I see that company Yeah No I would Yeah I'll do a wall go Are you talking just voiceover Or I'm like Walgreens Like voiceover

I think it's so great We have a lot of stuff here I mean I would hire you Based off that Submit that I wonder have I ever been inside A Walgreens Is it like a CVS

or is it a, it's like a CVS? Or like a, what do they go? Dwayne Reed. Yeah. Yeah. They're kind of all the same. They're all the same thing.

Shouldn't they all combine and just be one store? I mean, but then you don't, you're not as hungry if there's no competition. You know? Consolidation and monopolies are bad for competition. Is that what you're trying to say? Yeah. But what I'm saying is they all combine into one giant store in the middle of the country. Like that takes up all of Idaho.

and Wyoming and everything, and then everyone goes to that. We have to travel to Idaho to get band-aids. I don't know if I like this business model. I think it's a good business model. Well, the special is called I don't want to work anymore, and it is out now on YouTube. It's really exceptional. I urge everyone to go watch it and laugh their little butts off. We're going to take a break, if you don't mind.

Can you stick around, Phoebe? No, I've got to go. Oh, okay. Understandable. But when we come back, we're going to have a festival organizer. We also have a music critic. This is a great show. I'm so glad you're here for it. Me too. I need you back. I got you back. Always. You got my six? I do. Okay. We're going to come right back. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Phoebe Robinson is here of I don't want to work anymore. It is a stand-up comedy special, which runs approximately 60 minutes, maybe a little bit shy. 55 or so? It's 53, no, sorry, 5933. 59.33. What happened to the other 30 seconds? I just was like, get this shit out of here. It's good. And it, you know what? I was laughing so hard at it that when it was over, I was like, oh, I was surprised because I'm used to like stand-up specials dragging on and on and just going like, come on, man.

You just got no one to wrap it up, you know? And you wrapped it up expertly. The dismount was incredible. And it's a great special. got to our next guest uh they are a festival organizer have you been to any festivals phoebe and not in a while but i but i did get invite to the new yorker festival so i'm gonna go i got a plus one as a as an author like just to hang out or just to hang out no i'm i'm working on something but i yeah i can't talk about it are you taking over the new yorker i am like barry weiss took over CBBF. That is so bonkers idea. I'm like, okay. But this person's a festival organizer. I don't know what type of festival, but let's talk to them. Please welcome. I, I dof.

Sorry, how do I pronounce it? Egg to Oaf is my name. Egglington de Oaf. You can call me Egg. Hi, Scott, it's so good to see you. Wow. And Phoebe, such a huge fan. I'm actually really glad you're here. Thank you. I came to talk to you. actually, but Phoebe, I mean, this is... You'd rather talk to Phoebe? Well, this couldn't have worked out better. I'd like to speak with both of you if that's okay. Okay. Do you want to talk to us as a group, or do you want to talk to us separately?

Should I go through... I can go through reps. I can talk to you too directly. You, I knew I could talk to directly, Phoebe. I'm more than happy to go through your reps or management. You could talk to me. If that's, okay, well, fantastic. Yeah, but I don't think we represent each other as a duo act or anything like that.

No, I didn't think that. I know, I know Phoebe definitely is doing a lot of her own stuff. I'm down. I can work something out with you, you know? Maybe like a duo act. Co-headliners, how does that sound? Oh, I like that. We're like, I tell one joke, then you tell one joke, and then we just back and forth.

That's cute. Oh, I just love that. So that sort of segues me perfectly. So this is a comedy festival? This is a comedy festival called Off the Vine on the Yard, Martha's Vineyard Premier Comedy Festival. Yeah, we're just starting this year. And so, Scott, you know, I was really hoping to pitch the festival to you and Phoebe, you as well, see if I can get you guys interested.

in coming and performing. I mean, I haven't heard any other details, but I want to say I'm 100%. Yeah, this sounds great. Fantastic. So I'll just go through the contract here with you guys. It's really simple, really easy. So one, we just sort of have a... Can I e-sign it or do, like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can pull it up on your little laptop there. So here's what it is. It's not really a little laptop. Phoebe, I got a paper copy for you. Oh, thank you. It's pretty big, actually, the screens. Your tiny, tiny little laptop

for your tiny, tiny little hands. Okay, are we ready? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this forced perspective? Like, why do you think my hands are so tight? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm pretty tall. You're pretty tall.

I'm right next to this statue, lifestyle statue of King Kong that I have in my three-story studio here. So if you're driving down the street and you see sort of like a turret that goes three stories up from the basement, that's Scott's house. Okay. So here's sort of the finer points of the, first off, you're going to love it. It's so fun. We've got golf courses.

You can go golfing during the day. In Martha's Vineyard? Yep. Wow. Do you have to, like, shoot through the, vines or like the great save it for the stage got i love that i am writing this down uh yeah so we sort have you know just like a couple of couple of rules here uh for uh off the vine on the yard uh and that's just sort of one good sportsmanship we just want to make sure we're supporting our other

other comedians we're sort of being good sportsmanship so no like i guess uh talking shit about the other comedians while we're up on stage yeah you know i'm sort of you know we just sort of want to create a positive atmosphere uh for the festival i mean if you got a you know i I'm not going to stop you, but, you know, we sort of want to create a positive atmosphere. Number two, let's just make sure we're having a good time, yeah? So we just sort of want to make sure we're eating well, and if there's anything that the staff can do. Wait, so we have to eat well while we're at the festival and have a good time? Whatever that means to you.

How are you going to track that? Well, we're not. You know, it's just sort of a rules vibe. So whatever that means to you, you do that. Number three, we do not talk about Chappaquittic, the incident at Chappaquick. Whoa. You're legally agreeing to co-sign that you will not talk about or discuss the incident chappiquiquette. I'd never heard of this. Can you explain? You don't know, Chappaquittic?

Yeah. Well, that's great. And we're going to keep that energy up. We're not talking about that, that misty, misty evening. It was a misty evening. On July 18th, 1969. Oh, I don't, you know, this is before I was born. I think I was conceived around.

No, actually, I think I tracked it back. I was conceived on 9-11 of 1969. Well, there we go. I was conceived in 1969 in a 69. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Isn't that nuts? Your parents told you that?

That's what she said. Isn't that nuts? It was crazy. Okay, save it for the stage, Scott. I love that. Believe me, I am writing all of this down. Yes, we're not talking about nobody is ever to mention. What happened?

Senator Edward Ted Kennedy, he was 37 at the time. Oh, this. He veered off the road, Mary Jo, trapped in the car. Okay, so we can't discuss that at all. You're sort of co-signing and agreeing that that was an accident. I don't think I was even ever that aware of the situation. I love that. Perfect.

And we're going to keep that energy up. So if anybody asked you, say, we don't know. It was an accident. Could we maybe, you know, because we, I think Scott and I would like to do a little bit of crowd work. Could we talk to the crowd about it? No. What if anyone in the crowd is like a Kennedy and we go, oh, do you have any relatives? And they go, oh, well, my uncle, great uncle.

You say good and you move on. And we don't talk about Tylenol. We call it a Cidamidavine. Okay. There's a lot of rules that are coming up. Why aren't we talking about Tylenol? Next rule. Enjoy the all you can eat buffet.

Oh. Oh, just really go to town on it. Buffet of what? Oh, anything you could think, crab. You like crab, Scott? It's fine. It's a little too much work. Okay.

Especially at a buffet. Hey, you know what? We'll have somebody cut it up for you. Okay. Or somebody sort of crack open the crab for you because that's what we can sort of do it off the vine. So it's eat well. Don't talk about chappaquit it.

And then... Call it. Acetal, what is it again? If you talk to a Kennedy, you have to call Tylenol acetaminopin. Oh, okay. That's a really important rule, Scott. But you don't have to, unless you're talking... If you talk to a kennedy, you have to call Tylenol acetaminol acetaminate.

Benefit. Thank you. Number four. Make friends. Oh. That's fun. Make a new friend. Who else is going to be there? Yeah. Who are the... Do you mean other comedians or staff? Okay. So we got a lot of funny guys at the festival so far. So you two, obviously, in. Then we have... Do you know Jared from Subway? Uh, yeah. His parole officer. He's out of jail. Well, his parole officer is going to do it. Oh, okay. He's not on parole yet. So his future parole officer, maybe. So he's not been assigned to the case yet? Huh? The parole officer? No, but he's really. buy in for it. He was auditioning like crazy. He's not offering. You have to audition for particular. To be a parole officer? Yeah, Scott. I guess I was saying once you are one, you have to audition for specific prisoners. Do you want to be a parole officer?

I don't, I don't, I don't really. Are you offer only for parole to? I'm offer only for that sucks. That's tough. That's tough. We're going to get you one day. I feel good about that. All you got to do is offer and I'll probably take it. Do you want to be a parole officer? Sure. You have to audition. I can't do it. Okay. That's tough. We'll circle back around. Okay. So you got to make new friends. So that's who Bill Burr was doing it. Okay. Yeah, he made a whole big thing. Bill Burr was so excited about it.

We love Bill. You'll leave me out of that, but. Wilbur's doing it. He was so excited. He was like, oh, it's kind of like, he sort of was like a little bit questionable about like, oh, you know, people were sort of upset about it. There's a lot of people that are bad that we don't want people talking about Chappaquitic and sort of co-signing that nothing happened in the Kennedys are awesome people across the board, no matter why.

This rule makes me feel like you had something to do with whatever happened in Chappaquick. Yeah. Who wasn't Mary was trapped in the car? Mary Jo? Mary Jo is trapped in a car. You're not allowed to talk about Mary Jo. You don't know how to say the words Mary Jo. Did you have something to do with this?

Huh? You keep saying, huh, whenever I ask you a question that you don't want to answer it feels like. Scott, you are not allowed to talk about the fact that Senator Ted Kennedy, age 37, swam across to Eggertown, onto Martha's Vineyard, to his hotel, the Sheffertown Inn. Okay? And then he changed his closing. Inkeeper, whose name was Russell Peechie to a statement. establish an alibi. We are not allowed to discuss any of that. Okay. He let that woman drown in the car. Allegedly. No, she didn't. I mean, that's pretty horrifying. Yeah. His name was Peachy. Number seven. Don't forget your gift bag. I want to circle back to what we just heard. Yeah. Yeah. That feels like a lot. What was the egg part of it? Because your name is Egglington, you said. Oh, yes. This is Eggertown. It's very similar. It is very similar. And that's because my grandfather sort of established the town. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Your grandfather's name was Edgerton? Edgerton. I'm Egglington, De Oaf. You can call me Egg for short. You could call him egg for short, too. I come from a long line of eggs. Okay.

And de Oaf means... Hard-boiled, scrambled, if you know what I mean. I don't, actually. You pointed to your brain when you... When you said that, by the way, just for the listener. Scramble, if you know what I mean. You're putting your finger to your temple. Scrambled.

Uh-huh. Got it. But look, this wasn't top of mind. for me. Yeah. So I'm kind of okay with this. Yeah. It's nice to take the trip. Why not? Yeah. I love that. We're paying so much money. Yeah. How much are we going to get paid to perform? Scott. Uh-huh. $100,000. I mean, is it worth my time? Plus, all you can eat. New friends and you are not

allowed to talk about anything that happened on time clinic. I, yeah, I guess I, I guess I, yeah, that's how much is Phoebe getting paid? Phoebe, $1.9 million. Well, hold on. Done, hold on. Yes. Hold on. Why the disparity is because Phoebe's a multi-hyphenate and a movie star? Are you a multi-hyphenate, Scott? In a Beez-a?

Look, I'm a movie star. I was in Austin Powers Gold member. Were you? Yeah. Who were you? I was a young Michael Kane. Really? Yeah.

Do it. No. I didn't even have to when I shot the movie. They just shot my back. Audition for me. I did audition for that. Did you? I did.

Is that true? It's a two-step process. First, I went into the casting agency. And I did my Michael Cain impression, and then I went and I met, what's his name, Austin Powers, Mike Myers himself and Jay, and I had to go to the studio and do it for them. Wow. It was, it was. Oh, do the line, Scott, please. I ended up not having any lines.

Really? They cut in old footage of Michael Cain from the 1960s and replaced all of what I was going to do with his footage. So you don't appear in the film. My back is in the movie. You were a background person in the movie. Well, I was paid as a principal. You were a literal background person because you're back to the camera. I'm a backter.

You can call me that, but I'm not a background artist. Okay, I love that. Save that for the stage, Scott. I am writing this down. This is absolutely fantastic. So we just got a couple more rules here. I want to be paid. I want half of what she's making.

Yeah, that feels fair. Half of what Phoebe's making? Yeah. And I want her, I want to come out of her end. Okay, but then we got a couple of shit. Actually, let's scratch that. No, we'll take it from Bill. You said it sounded fair, Phoebe.

We'll take it from Bill. That's fine. Okay, here's... Okay. But if we're going to pay you more, then there's more rules. Okay. What are the rules? Okay.

Number eight. Yeah. You'd got to do one Instagram post. Story. A story? Maybe as a story. Yeah. Number nine.

Okay, here's the thing. You have to agree that even though Robert Kennedy denies driving under the influence and having an affair with Mary Jo because he was married at the time and she was 28, and they were driving alone together. Okay. By the way, I've done that. I'm married, and I've driven alone in a car with a 28-year-old woman before. And there was nothing untoward.

Yeah. Turned out everything was okay. Thank God. Everything was okay. She got out of the car. Well, we weren't in the middle of a lake. This is like just down on Los Felas Boulevard. Kind of tied up traffic.

There was a lot of traffic coming up here. Yeah, tied up traffic for it. Oh, and this was earlier, yes. Okay. So you just have to admit that you believe that story and that was completely true. And you have to agree that he served, that Ted Kennedy served in Congress from 1962 to his death in 2009, which is true. And that he's the longest U.S. Senator to do that. So he sort of had no consequences for what happened. As it should have been. Yeah. I mean, I kind of buy it for what were you? You were getting 1.9. Yeah. So you're getting one basically one mill? Yeah. Almost one. Yeah. That's good. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I buy it. That's the attitude, Scott. I love it. You two are going to be fantastic. And then we have to go through your entire act and we sort of have to pepper in how vaccines are bad. Oh. Oh. Um, I mean, honestly, I don't, I don't know that they're bad or good. I've taken them all and I haven't gotten sick. You don't know if they're bad or good? But, but who knows? Like, I would know, I would know that they don't work if I got sick after I took one. But unfortunately, I've not gotten sick after I've taken them. There's extensive research. That's not how vaccines work at all. But that's not important here because for us. We're going to pepper and vaccines are bad. Oh. Okay. Like that, I will, here,

I'll go this far. They kind of hurt when they stick the needle. Yeah, can we say that needles hurt? Because that's the, that's the worst part. There we go. I love that. You spend that however you need to spend that. You just say the needles hurt and the diseases sort of cause the diseases cause what? A lot of

other diseases and problems. So diseases cause other diseases? I will say diseases cause diseases and problems. There we go. I love that. They'll have to have to kiss RFK Jr. on the mouth. Oh. Is there...

You're getting 1.9. I think I should get paid more for that. Yeah, absolutely. How much you want? I think 4.5. Done. Scott, we're going to give you $50,000 to play this festival. I feel like I was getting almost one million just a second ago, and now it's dropped down to 50?

50K, cash, small installments. How small are these installments? $5 bills. how often like every hour over and over and over again every month rest of your life

I every hour come on Scott $25,000 $1 dollar bills I feel like I'm out at this point I mean I don't really Scott we say we're going to do this together Cold headliner

I don't be making 4.5 million Scott this could be great for your career and all the saltwater taffy you can imagine I'm all I don't want look I can imagine a lot by the way but I don't want to eat any of I'm imagining. And you have to put that Kennedy grandson that doesn't have the Kennedy last name on your podcast to be your co-host for the rest of Eternity. Oh. Patrick. I don't even want to be doing this for all. Come on, Scott, please. He's okay. He's all right. He's all right. He's all right. There we go. That's the spirit. I saw his little buddy in White Lotus. Yeah, exactly. So he has to be your co-host for all of eternity. I mean, I don't even want to be doing the show for all of eternity. Yeah. I'm barely hanging on to the 20 year. And you still feel pretty firm about that offer only thing for the rest of the work that you would be getting outside of this?

I don't know. Phoebe, what do you think? Here's what. We should split my rate. You're offering to split your rate? Yeah. That's so nice. Yeah, I don't need to be greedy.

So I get 2.2. Rule number 10, Phoebe can't split any of her rate. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. This is like survivor rules to prevent cheating. Rule number 11, double all you can eat buffet, and you have to enjoy it. No, but double all you can eat is still all you can eat. Huh?

Like double infinity is. Who are you talking to? Your head is fritting left right and center. You're flailing. You're flailing your arms. Calm down, Scott. Look, I'm all for upending the patriarchy, but I just don't think, I mean, Phoebe is much more accomplished than I. But I just don't think that the disparity between what Phoebe is being paid and what I'm being paid is really all that fair.

Rule number 12. You have to ride the minute ferry from Chappaquittick to the vineyard to Egertown on the vineyard. What's the minute ferry? The minute ferry is what, so RFK was, uh, Not RFK. Ted was going to get on the minute ferry in order to go back to the hotel, but he didn't want anybody to see him. Okay.

Allegedly. So he swam. So he swam. Yeah. How far was he supposed to have swam? It's a minute. The ferry is a minute long. It takes you from chavikwit.

Yeah, but he's not swimming as far as the, as fast as the ferry. Yes, he is. He's the fastest swimmer on the planet. Ha! Ah! You are hereby agreeing that he is the fastest swimper on the planet by taking the comedy festival. On the planet? I mean, Michael Phel.

He's a stoner, though, now, right? Yeah. Does a stoner make you not fast? Probably, because, like, you look at the pool and you go, like, I'll do this tomorrow. Whoa. Save it for the stage, Sky. This is a good chunk, by the way. I think this has bigger legs than just for this one particular festival.

Can I pitch you something that you were talking about earlier in my professional capacity as a comedy organizer? Sure, of course. I think you should do an episode of your podcast where you just get all of your auditions for the year out. Oh, okay. Yeah, and I just do them here live on the show. I can also do the action. reads for the show on this show as well. I think that would be so fun. Instead of having to go into some studio and Burbank. This is what an action movie would be. This is what a comedy would be. This is my

dramatic stuff. This is my voiceover things. And then you just get it all out. Just get it all at. Anytime anybody puts an audition forward. I just refer them to that particular episode. Yeah. This is a good idea. Okay. So you're agreeing to do the episode as part of your fee for doing the comedy festival. I'm agreeing to do this pitch that you just pitched me. Yes, Scott. my feet? Look, I, egg, I, uh, I, I don't know. It's getting more and more complicated. It's a lot. Egg. I think I said that. What do you think I said? Egg. I'm sorry, what's the distinction? Egg. Egg. Like I'm angry. Don't scream at me, Scott. That's the way you said it. No, I said it beautifully, like the French way. Like my grandfather intended. I'm sorry. I guess I'm not

hearing it, but I'll, let me try again. Egg. Better. I still feel like, it. It was semi-contemptuous toward you. More a smile in your voice, please. Hey. No, I hated that. Look, I don't know. It sounds like a good opportunity for a little bit of walking around money. Yeah, definitely a good opportunity for you, Scott.

It's not like, you know, the money I would get writing the astonishing Spider-Man necessarily. Oh, my gosh, my favorite. I emailed. Oh, you emailed. I did. Thanks. And the nice part is, oh, well, actually, maybe that's for later. I, when I email back, I got a really nice email back.

Big fan of the comedy festival. Okay. But I, and maybe it's some good promo, you know, maybe my name will be in the news. It'll be excellent promo for you, Scott. It'll be us, Bill Byrne, that's it. Jared from Subway's parole officer. So four people for a festival. Well, there's more.

Okay. Who else? Oh, Danny DeVito's going to be there. Not the one you're thinking of, the actor. No, that was the one I was thinking of. Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, he's a director as well.

Right. Also, I guess, a shill for... Jersey mics. Jersey mics. Yeah, yeah. The Jersey Mike's version is coming. Oh, he's just going to be talking. He's coming in this capacity from Jersey mics.

All the sandwich and past sandwich shop, uh, uh, uh, hosts will be there. Seems like you're hungry. Should we have done this show right before lunch? I'm starving, but good news, you won't be starving at the off the vine on the yard comedy festival because of the all you can premiere and first a comedy festival. Is this, by the way, this, this, all you can. eat buffets. Double all you can eat, Scott. Is it just the Jersey mics? Like, what else can we eat? It's not just Jersey mics. It's Jersey mics your way. There's going to be subway sandwiches maybe if the parole officer is in. I don't need two types of sandwiches at one all you can eat buffet. Let's all say who the Quiznos mascot guy was on three. One, two, three. I don't remember. I remember a sign up in the Quiznos that had every letter of the word Quiznos and what they aimed to do for you as a customer. Like quality. Well, huge news.

That is going to be, you mentioned him earlier, Michael Phelps. He's a stoner and now he's going to be the Quiznos mascot. He has also got a tight hour he's going to be doing at the fest. So he's doing an hour. How long are we doing? Seven and a half hours. Each? Well, you said you're going together, right?

If you're doing it separately 14. I don't, I mean, if we, let's do it together. Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure, for sure. We got to seven hours. So it's only three and a half a piece. Don't you think the audience is going to get sick of us? Yeah.

You know, they might want to break. Have you spent much time on Martha's Vineyard? Never been. Yeah, never been. Never been. Not once. On the yard?

Never been on the yard. I don't know. I haven't. I mean, wow. Okay. You're going to love it. Golf.

Saltwater taffy. I don't like either of those things. Double all you can eat buffets for everyone. This is what I wanted to ask about the all you can eat buffet. Sure. Is this just for the performers or is everyone coming to the festival also partaking of the, is this? Everyone had to sign the contract. To come to the festival to be a part of the festival, we're paying everybody.

Okay. I don't mind that. I just don't want a lot of the riffraff, like eating the same food that I'm eating, you know what I mean? This is like, remember Perry Farrell when he started Lollapalooza, he wanted a community burrito for everyone to eat. What? So he sort of did this already? It's one of his pitches. This is in the Lollapalooza oral history that I just read.

It was one of his pitches. Was this on the podcast or in an actual book? This is an actual book, but he wants a communal burrito? For all of the performers. That's crazy. Everyone gets their own sandwich and crab legs. We're cutting yours up previous to you arriving on set. And I'll make sure that happens.

How previous? Because I want it fresh as well. So we're just going to have sandwiches. Are there sides? Yes. Okay. Smaller sandwiches. Like a honey mustard potato salad maybe?

You want that? It's there. So, or just like roughage so I can like take a shit while I'm there. Oh yeah. Are we allowed to take shit while we're there? It's just all carbs. I'm going to get, you know. Locked up.

Yeah, they'll be roughish for you all to shit it, I promise. Okay. Okay. And what are the facility? Like, this is maybe my most important question. Sure. What are the, the restroom facilities like at the festival? Like, do we have some sort of private area?

Absolutely, cat style. Cat style? Yeah. Giant litter box. That's how we do it on the yard. Wow. I don't know that I'm comfortable. This is feeling, uh...

I don't, I've never shit in front of Phoebe before. Maybe we should just get it out of that. the way now before we go to the festival. We're really, if you think bathrooms would make people more comfortable, we'll absolutely do that because you're the thing. We're really trying to change the yard's perception. I feel like people think about Martha's Vineyard and they have like a very specific idea of what it

is. We're trying to do the comedy festival to be like, oh, it's not just Chappaquatic, it's not just. I've only heard about Martha Vineyard like a place that rich people, I don't think that the Ted Kennedy stuff has really been stuff that people have been thinking about. Good. I mean, it is good for you, I guess. Did you have something to do with this? I keep

coming back to this. Yeah. It feels like you're evolved somehow. You're cutting all this out? Yeah, I'm cutting all this out. Yeah, don't worry. Hey, editor, when you're doing all the work about the, you know, me fixing Phoebe's title, can you cut all this out, the stuff that's coming up right now? Okay, go ahead.

Okay, so I thought it'd be really funny. Okay, so I'm obviously 75 years old. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, well, I mean, I had you pinpointed between 74 and 75 and a half. And 75, exactly. My birthday today. Oh, happy birthday to me.

Nobody said anything. I'm wearing a happy birthday pin and a happy birthday tiara and literally nobody said anything. I thought you were going to someone else's party and you know what I mean? And I wore a happy birthday pin

and a happy birthday tiara to someone else's party? Yeah, I would do that where I'm like, happy birthday, look, even my clothing is saying happy birthday, not just my voice. Yeah, it is my birthday today. Thanks, Phoebe.

We're a good team. I'm looking forward to this festival. Me too. So for my, so, you know, I sort of like, back in the day, I, so you know, obviously, the classic story because Robert F. Kennedy

was assassinated the year before it was sort of like a whole thing where they were like, oh, Ted, we really want to make sure that we're all behind you. You're going to try and get the presidential nomination to run against Jimmy Carter.

This is a story, 1969. And so they were having this party for a bunch of AIDS. And so Mary Jo, they were like, Ted was like, let's give Mary Jo a ride home while I was at that party

and I was a little inebriated and I turned the sign. There was a sign that said like, oh, Doc this way. or you can go back to the houses this way. And I sort of... That's a complicated sign, by the way. That's a complicated idea to communicate.

Well, it's how old. This way. You can turn back and get to the other places this way. Yeah, it's one road. And there was a sign that said, keep going to the beach this way, houses this way. And I just sort of did.

I was like, what if I flipped him? Wouldn't that be pretty funny? Wouldn't that be kind of funny? So it's kind of your fault. What? Did you... How'd you flip them? Did you have to make a whole new sign?

Like, did you go down to the kinkos or whatever? Was the equivalent? back then? Yeah. What was the equivalent of Kinko's? Copying machines, I don't think even existed then. Like mimographs? Huh?

Like, like, remember when I was going to school, how everything was in triplicates? Triplicates. Oh, where you had to like press really hard on the top page? Yeah, yeah. And the carbon paper and everything. Oh, yeah. Remember that when I was in school?

As you can probably see from my cutoff, my cutoff shirts and my cutoff shorts, that I'm very strong. I didn't realize those. were cutoffs, it makes more sense now. You didn't realize these were cutoffs? What did you think it was, Scott? I thought they were bought, store bought that way. Whoa, no, I cut them off because I'm too strong.

What did you do with the part that you cut off? Huh? What did you do with the remnants, deer? I make stuffed animals. You make stuffed animals? Anything, yes. I use my sewing machine and I make stuff animal. Yeah, right here.

I literally have a present in front of you. I'm giving you a present on my birthday and you haven't even opened it. You haven't touched it. I'm supposed to open this? Yes. Okay. let me see what do you normally just have presents sitting in front of you that aren't for you to open i don't know what look i it's not my birthday you said happy birthday i thought you were going to a party

and this was the present you were taking to one of your friends okay i apologize i don't mean this is good yeah so good apology accepted okay okay apology accepted okay so let me open it up let me see what i can do you're cutting all this out right i'm cutting all this okay okay okay this is it's flat it's not i mean stuffed animals normally have something that's my thing two-dimensional stuffed animals like flat like paper that's what I say no stuffing it's just fabric it's yeah it's very thin but it's soaked together just paper thin it's it is sewed together uh I mean it's it's I mean it's kind of ugly but thank you you know ugly dolls do you remember those I do yeah this is they were made them and they're prettier now fugly dolls maybe is the brand name you

could use isn't that doesn't that mean fucking ugly it's sort of worse I guess I mean although I think I think when it first came out it meant that and nowadays it's just been chill it's It's cute. It's cute, yeah. I'll trademark that. Save that for the stage, Scott. Okay. Well, wonderful.

So, uh, re-record, re-record. Okay. So, yes, so I'm so glad that I can count the two of you in for the festival. I'm sure what are the dates? Um, what day is it today? Uh, Monday. Oh, dread. It was the last weekend.

Oh. Oh. Okay. Dang. It took me a while to walk out here. And it actually was last weekend. Wow. The festival was last weekend.

Yeah. Can we still get paid? We signed the contract. Yeah. If you promised to do. do the festival next year. I don't think this festival's going to happen next year. She didn't even know when. Shady as fuck.

Yeah. No, I say we sign the contract. Will you pay an advance or is it still $5 every hour? Phoebe, we're paying in advance for sure. Oh, sick. We are giving you your $10,000 in... 10,000. Wow.

In quarter lump sums. Quarter lump. Yes, you get a quarter. Quarter of a lump? I would throw it at your head. I'll still take it. I'm in. Oh, fantastic!

Yay! I just got to write three and a half hours more of material. I do have a big Michael Fumpst, Chilk. Oh, thank God. Save it for the stage, Scott. I'd have to. All right. We do have to take a break.

Can you stick around, egg? Of course. Okay, well, we have a music critic coming up on the show, so maybe you'll want to book the music critic. I don't know. I don't know what you want. Want to book the music critic? I have no idea.

To be on your festival. To talk about Taylor Swift's new album? Me, y'all. We don't want to get those Swifties after us, do we? Did you listen? The album kind of sucks, but... Did you listen to it? I did, yeah.

Okay, what do you think, honestly? Honest opinion, they'll cut this out. I cut this out, but I'm holding my fingers to my nose. Yeah, the P-U, the universal P-U saying. There was one of the songs that I just heard the beat, and I was like, oh, okay, this is kind of fun, and then the second the words came in, I went, oh, no. Yeah, Phoebe, you don't want to weigh in on this, right? No, I don't listen to her.

You don't listen to her, good. Don't care. Yeah, exactly. Why would you? Yeah. All right, we're going to, we'll talk about all of this with the music critic, but we're going to come right back. We're going to have more egg doof.

We're going to have more Phoebe Robinson. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang, Bang, Bang, we're back. We have Phoebe Robinson, stand-up comedian extraordinaire. The special is, I don't want to work anymore. It is out on YouTube right now, and there is not a better hour that you can spend with your life. What do you think of that? Wow.

Like put the kids down, send them off to bed. Who needs to watch them grow up? I know they grow up so fast. Watch this hour. Yeah. Watch this 59 minutes and 33 seconds of stand-up. That's right. Yeah.

We also have egg doof. Try one more time. Egg dof. It's getting, try more French. Egg doof. No. No. Take it back to the first one.

That felt kind of racist the way I was doing. The egg do. You know what I mean? I wouldn't say racist. I'd say problematic. Yeah. Are French people a race? I can't tell.

No. No. You can't tell? I don't see race. Dear. Put on your glasses. Oh, now I see it. Oh, now I see it.

Oh, you're seeing worse now. Take them off. All right. I got him off. You know what? We need to get to our next guest. He's a music critic. This is exciting.

Please welcome to the show. Do know. Thank you for having me, Scott. I'm thrilled to be here. Oh, hi. I do know I can barely see you Ah yes

Put those glasses back on Uh oh Hi Do I mean should Look do you want me to call out The elephant in the room here No pun intended But

Had a little pun that would have been getting at Well I mean Your type generally like Is always around flies Because they're using their ears And trunk to swat at them But Yes we are always around flies

because we are there. Elephants, I'm sorry. Yes, yes. You've called it out, Scott. I will admit, I'm a fly. Yeah. I'm a fly. You're a fly.

You're hovering. And I'm on a podcast. You're hovering next to the microphone. Yes. Yes, yes. Couldn't have gotten a small chair for me. I got the big chair for what I assumed would be a human guest. At one time I was, Scott, but no longer, as you can see.

At one time you were what? A human. You were a, oh, how did this come to pass then? You're now a fly. I'm now a fly, Scott. I went into a machine. A machine I should never have entered. Like a threshing machine?

Not, it threshed my life, it did. So, tore to pieces. So metaphorical threshing machine. Yes. And I came out, and I am the monstrosity that you see before you now. You're just a fly. You're not a monstrosity. Scott, that is music to my ear.

I mean, I don't like flies all that much because you vomit on food and stuff. Ah, yes, yes. This has been a learning curve for me. It has been a process. Let me tell you what. I puked way less before this and now way more. Yeah. I would imagine the puking has intensified, almost tenfold. Almost tenfold. And it is still, it's a, it's an adjustment. However, I am coming around to it, and there are benefits. After all, once I puke on the food, no one else seems to want to touch it. and it's all mine. Well, the problem is more that we don't notice

that a fly has puked on our food and then we eat it and we get all that disgusting puk. And it happens all the time. We, like, probably eight times a day for a human. We don't know that we are eating fly puk. It's not great. It's not great. You know what I mean?

I saw a kind of assembly about this when I was 10 years old and it's really affected my life. It was an assembly? It was an assembly? Yeah, like someone came in to talk to us about health and safety and then talked about flies and how bad they are and how they puke on our food. Scott, I've been to those same assemblies

for at once I was a human. So I'm familiar with those types of gatherings. Can I just say, I know you used to be a human. You don't have to continually. Well, I feel as though I do sometimes because I feel it gets lost in the current viewing of who I am now.

What type of human? A good one. What does that mean? I don't know. There's lots of different types of humans. You know what I mean? But what is it? A good one?

mean. Ah, yes. One that participated in his community. What does that happen? You lived somewhere? Uh-huh. Mostly. Yes.

Mostly. Mostly. The other mean, you're aware. Don't you ever feel sometimes you're not fully living, you know, that you're just kind of, you know, just operating day-to-day, just trying to get by, all right? Never truly grasping at the fruit of life. That was me at one point, but no more. Okay.

for I have a short time to live. Oh, that's, are, do you have this lifespan of a fly? I've got on a fly cycle. I've on a fly cycle. So this happened to you today? And you, because I mean, flies live about 24 hours or so. Yes. Flies live 24 hours and I have me moments left, Scott.

So can we please get to it for God's sake? You're a music critic, I guess. Yes. You want to get to your thing? I want to get to my thing one last time before I call it a day. Scott, do you like music? Yeah Phoebe do you like music?

Love it Egg Beautiful pronunciation That was music to my ears So you like that Me? I love that Try one more time Why are you looking at me?

Try one more time No Do you? Scott try one more time Duno is the one who did Do you know did it perfectly That was beautiful Oh you want me to try

Scott you try Stop stop Stop Well then we all agree We all like music And that is a wonderful thing, because music does give us life. When you were a music critic, is this how you would lead off most of your paragraphs about

that? Like, do you like music? Yes. I think anyone reading your article, kind of the assumption is they are interested in music and that's why they're reading it. When I ask them that question, then they answer yes, and they're saying, we're part of the conversation now. Now we're into this.

Whose review is it his review? Is it my review? Is it our review? Okay. So now that we all like music, what are you here to talk about? Oasis. Scott, I went to a concert recently that was intoxicating to the soul. Okay, this is the Oasis Reunion Tour.

The Oasis Reunion Tour, live 25. And this was a few months back? It was. When you were a human. Oh, human walking on all twos. Scott, I took a trip to the UK. You know what that stands for? United Kingdom.

If you're using it to refer to the United Kingdom. I am. And particular emphasis on United. For that night, we all were. Yeah. In Murray Field, Scott, it was incredible. Murray Field is in Scotland? Scott.

Yes, Scotland. So you were a human being who went to Scotland to see Oasis. Yes, yes. And it was fun. It was fun, Scott. It was beyond fun. But I'll tell you this. Uh-huh.

Already at that point, I had begun questioning, who am I? Is this who I want to continue to be? Oh, I didn't realize that was part of your story. I thought you just accidentally walked into a, like, some sort of brundle fly machine or something. I did, I did. But I now question whether that was accidental or intentional. Okay, so you think that, that unlike, say, Dr. Manhattan, who walked into that machine and then said, I'm ribs. You think that you intentionally.

walked into this subconsciously intentionally, walked into this machine knowing it would cause you to transform and perhaps even transmogrify into this fly. Scott, the very thing that you say is what I was feeling. Okay. And you knew, did someone explain what this machine would do or anything like that? No, I took a guess. A hope, a dream.

So someone left this machine unattended? And I walked right into it saying, God, I hope this changes before. the better. Where was it? Oh, have you ever been to Ross? Dress for last?

Mm-hmm. Which one? The one on L'Brea? Oh, yeah, of course. Ah, that's the very one. I got running shoes there for a tough mutter. Wait, the one by the, is it by the Chick-fil-A?

No, that's sunset in Lover. No, but it is by a chicken-type establishment of which I can't call the name of. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes. This is very specific LA references. That's it. Yes.

B.B. I try to catch up. Yeah, I'm trying to catch it. I'm just, so there were there instructions? You just, okay. And it was in a changing room or it's in the back room? You know how those with the clothes racks are in a circle? And sometimes when you were a kid, you would kind of like go, you'd spread the shirts apart, you'd walk into them and kind of hide from your parents or whatnot.

Sure. You become your own little fort. Well, I still do that. You go shopping with your mom and you hide from her. That's right. Okay. That's right. And it was in the middle of this.

It was the middle of a rack of tank. Tank tops. Oh, okay. Scott, we are approaching the winter season, and tank tops are on sale. Cheaper than they are ever going to be all year long. And that's when you stock up. But you weren't there to stock up. You were just there to hide from your mom who, what was your mom buying?

My mom was buying, oh, dungeries. Dungarees? What is it dungary? Oh, dungeries are like a gene. I feel like we're getting off topic here. Oh, I think we've never been more. on topic. Is there a, was there a scientist who worked at this roster?

Like, who left this machine there? Did you ever get the story? Yes, there was a scientist who worked there. And he was shopping at the time. He had brought his, he brought his machine in. It was portable. It was portable because you don't want to leave that in the car, not in that neighborhood. Right.

It's a tough neighborhood. And so he's like, I'm going to bring this in with me. And he, to my knowledge, had brought it in. And then, I guess there was a marshals nearby. they were having a sale, and he's like, oh, boy, I better capitalize on that real quick. So he's like, I'm going to hide this machine in this. He didn't want to lug it over to the marshals. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. So he's like, I'll be right back. Okay. How did you learn all this? Because undoubtedly, you turned

into a fly, then were you buzzing around trying to ascertain what had happened for you. I was trying to get, I was trying to gain my mother's attention. Uh, while I was like, I'm here. I'm still here. She didn't have a microphone that she didn't have a microphone that she didn't have a microphone. No, my voice to amplify your fly voice. Yeah. Not unlike Liam and Noel who have microphones to amplify their voice. Yeah, I guess we share those similarities with Liam and Noel Gallagher. We're speaking into microphones right now. That's right, don't you?

Can I ask a question? Sure, yeah. Oasis. I walk on the only road, the only boat. That's, I think that's Green Day. Continue. What is Oasis? What is Oasis?

They sing, maybe, I don't really want to nats. Where you got in Grounds. Yeah. Maybe a different one. Tuesday is going to be the day that's going to throw back to you. By now. He should somehow realize what you got to deal. Come on, baby.

Shoot that baby. Come on, baby. Do the Tongue. You can't do yourself. I love that one. I am back at Murrayfield as we speak. This is incredible. You'll never make it to Murrayfield again.

Even if you tried flying there right now. As a fly, you could get there quicker than us. but you'll never make it. Why do you bring that up? I'm sorry, but that's the reality of the situation. You'll, I mean, undoubtedly, you'll never see your mother again. She's probably looking around for you. It doesn't know what happened to you.

Right, right, right. You'll never see another concert. You're probably not going to make it to tonight, unless there's an afternoon concert, like that movie trap. Right. Right. With a big, long intermission. Yes.

Or she has to change costumes? and shuts down for an hour in the middle of it. Yeah. They're working with a non-union crew at that stadium, I think. Probably. Probably. Probably. Well, Scott, I choose to not look back in anger. Instead, I look forward.

Oasis. That's an oasis. That's an oasis. Oh, I see. Look back in anger. Yeah. Okay, yes. Yes. But maybe it would be more helpful for you if I were to say that I don't want to look back on a

boulevard of broken dreams. Okay. You don't want to close your eyes and you don't want to fall asleep. I don't want to miss a thing. Right. Right. So, uh, anyways,

uh, I'm a fly now, but I did experience Oasis. And I got to say they've got a few tour dates left this year. They're hinting at a 2026 tour. They'll have to change the name of the tour probably. Right. Right.

Uh, it's no longer live 25. So it'll probably be this. This is, we do this for the kicks 26. Yes. Wow. Oh, that was good.

Saved for the stage, Scott. That sounds like something Liam and Noel would say. We do this for the kicks. When I went to Oasis, I felt like I was very lucky because I went to a particular show that Liam dedicated one of the songs to Woody Woodpecker. Why? This is for Woody Woodpecker. That's so funny. The one in Scotland, he dedicated to who is the lady who had a beautiful voice.

She was like on the... You're going to have to be more specific. Yeah. Other than the entire realm of recorded entertainment. Right, right, right. Well, maybe Mrs. Miller would be excluded, but... She was on a reality singing show years. Kelly Clarkson.

Oh, yes, yes. But she, I think she's famous for having a beautiful voice, but being perceived by some. Yes, I think we're talking about Susan. Boyle. Yes, that's what he dedicated the show to, I believe, in Scotland. Strangely enough, not related to Peter Boyle, of young Frankenstein and... And everybody loves a Raymond fame. That is strange.

The stranger things have happened, but yeah. Ah, yes, they have it. They will again, because there is a last season coming forward, one that I'll never get to see. Well, I'm so sorry, what was your name, Duno? Duno, I've taken out a fly name. Oh, that's a fly name? Yes, it is. What was your human name?

Evan. Evan what? Evan Riley. Evan Riley? I'm sorry, I haven't read your work, but who did you write for? Newsweek. You were a music critic for Newsweek? Did you put Bruce Springsteen on the cover of Newsweek and time that same week?

Oh, and I thought you hadn't read me. Can I ask a question? So you've taken on a fly name, so theoretically there is some sort of a fly language, but we have a microphone close to you and you're speaking human English. Right, right. Can you communicate with other flies? I certainly can. It's a little bit difficult at this point yet because I'm still grasping and wrangling the language.

But yes, I can, and I'll tell you what, I have. met the fly of my dreams. What? Wow. Oh my God. That's amazing. Were you attracted to flies as a human? I was famously celibate during my human years.

Famously. Famously celibate. I'd never even heard of your writing, let alone the fact that you were celibate. Okay. Well, in some circles, famously celibate. Is that because you were attracted to flies and you couldn't find a way to fit your human-sized penis into a fly? And now the tables have turned? Scott

human size No matter how small No matter how needle dick you are I don't believe it could fit into a fly So if you were attracted to flies Look the fact that you're attracted to flies And I'm just assuming at this point But it sounds like you are

Makes me think that none of this was an accident You'd been perhaps tailing the scientist Knowing what this machine could do And that finally In fact it sounds like maybe you were stalking A particular fly, a female fly that you'd noticed earlier in the morning and you seized upon this opportunity?

Is this really what's going on? Duno, aka Mr. Riley? Well, well, well, I guess the cat's out of the bag and the fly is into the trap. You got that pegged, almost completely correct, Scott. What was the one part that I got wrong? I never had a big human dick. I've always had a fly dick,

and I was waiting for the moment where I could be amongst those who could appreciate it. So, you're a human with a fly dick. Did you then turn into a fly with a human dick? I was a human with a fly-sized. And so now are you a fly with a human-sized dick? Did it change everything? Like, is it totally opposite?

Scott. Or is it even tinier? It's even tinier now. It's proportional? It's proportional. Yes. Okay. Good.

But the flies are more forgiving. That's the thing. They're more forgiving. They don't have these beauty standards, you know, they're not out there looking at guest gene ads, billboards. Despite their many eyes, you are correct. And no pants. And no pants. And that is the true beauty.

We don't judge. We don't, we don't sneer. We don't, we don't gawk. Instead, we embrace. So you have an A digus, which is the, I don't know if I'm pronouncing that correctly. You are. Oh, I am. Okay.

That's the specialized reproduction organ of a. of a fly that functions as your penis. Are you reading that off your tiny, tiny little laptop? Looks like a laptop that I would use. We'll talk about proportional. It's perfectly proportional just got its hands. Oh my gosh. But that's great for you.

So what's her name? Her name is Ulclaude. Ulclaw. Wonderful. And she wants to be with you. She wants to be with me. She is with me. And we've already begun the process of regeneration.

We call that. That's what we call. Regenerate. What does that mean? That's what we call. giving birth and recreating life. Oh, meaning you're going to have a child. You're not regenerating your own body.

No, but I am regenerating my own spirit that will live on in my children for hours upon hours upon hours. That's great. Well, yeah, I mean, congratulations. I know you only have mere moments left to live. And I brought a little something for us to celebrate this. Oh, okay.

All right. Great. A champagne for you. Wow. A glass of champagne for you. A glass of champagne. This is like one drop. For you, it looks totally normal in your hand, Scott.

Really, you got to come closer. And I was thinking maybe... Should be toast to something? We certainly could, and perhaps we could sing a little song as we do. Oh, please. Oh, sure, what song? I was thinking we could maybe sing Champagne Supernova. Oh, I understand.

Oh, okay. How's that start again? Oh, I love this one. Ah, yes. You'll know it well. Egg. Beautiful. Someday you will find me

Cop beneath the last slide in a champagne supernova sky. You are free to sing Basketcase or Longview if you like if that helps. Or American idiot, if that is it easier for you. When masturbation's lost it.

No, I want to sing. We haven't even gotten to my favorite line of champagne supernova. Oh, please. Let's also get together. We've got every line we know, unfortunately. And look, you only have mere moments to live. I know you're running out of time.

So, unfortunately, we are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature. That is a little something called plugs. Close the plug back. Shut your famous face hole. You flogged all your wares to the plebs. Now it's time to open up the fuck back And let's only would you rather

The Past Wow Amazing, blast from The Past there That was closing time travel By Danastique and the Plebysonics That was a parody, I believe, of a previous guest, Dan Wilson's song called closing time but what do we plug in

Phoebe Robinson you have the special the special is called I don't want to work anymore it's out on YouTube right now anyone can access this anyone no you don't have to show your ID

or anything like that all ages all ages baby it's kid appropriate it is in a way if you want to teach your kid about eating pussy but

anything else going on I mean, you have some secret thing at work, which the New Yorker Festival is involved somehow, but what else is going on? I'm on Bumble, so you can find me on there. Okay, what is Bumble exactly? Your eyes lit up, by the way. Hearing another insect.

Whoa, that's how I found my love. Is Bumble a dating app? It is a dating app. Okay, so you're unmatched right now. You talk about this a bit in the special. Yeah, so I'm unmatched, and then you can follow me on. on Instagram and X.

The Anything app. Yeah, the Adop, Queen Phoebes, P-H-E-E-E-B-S. That's right. Yeah. All right. And Egg, next year's festival, you want to plug that, I'm sure? Oh, yes, of course. So if you, I want to plug two days ago, the Off the Vine on the Yard, comedy festival, premiere festival.

Go see that two days ago. Go see that two days ago. make sure you get there early double all you can eat it's going to it was a sensational time and I think you were you even there it sounded like I was walking to LA to get you Scott so have you checked

in with anyone about how it went $5,000 pennies in hand to beg you to do the festival honestly it's I'll still do it but the rate is going down rapidly I don't like this anything else to plug or any media you're consuming

any media I'm consuming of course You know, like, are there any shows on certain streaming services that you... Yes, my favorite show. My favorite show in the entire world, have you seen the pottery show? I haven't. I was thinking more like a show like, you know, like there's a show like very important people that I've seen some clips from. No, I don't know what that is.

There's a pottery show. I don't know what it's called, but there's a man with a weird haircut and he cries if the pottery is beautiful. And he does not cry if the pottery is just a. okay. So definitely watch that on streaming. Huh? How often does he cry, dear? More often than you would think, but not often enough for the potters. They're very upset all the time, constantly.

Also, what I will say is, and this is going to come as a surprise based on everything else, I said, you can go, there's a lot of terrible anti-trans bills happening across the country. Please go donate, follow, like share local organizations in your community, but if you don't know where to start,

at Transgender Law Center is a great place and they could use your money. All right, fantastic. And do know. You, I mean, I don't know if you have anything to plug. You're going to die very, oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Are you vomiting or are you coughing?

I can't quite tell. Both. Oh, dear. Both. Don't eat this cinnamon rolls, Scott. Oh, that's my, that's what I was saving for an after show treat. I'm so sorry. Okay.

You'll have to go to the bakery after I'm gone. Why do you sound like Bill Cosby right now? You have to go to the bakery. That's how we all sound as we approach the end. Oh, no. Scott, if you could, please tune in Monday, November 3rd to the season two premiere of St. Dennis Medical on NBC. I promise I'll do that to you.

As your last dying wish, I promise I will tune in to the season two premiere of St. Dennis. thank you don't die yet because we still have to close up the plug bag and then say goodbye to everyone hold on for just a little bit okay I want to plug oh wait I have one more thing I have a substack called thoughts and prayers

and I write about pop culture in my life very good I want to plug the new action figures we have we have Italiano Jones and Andre P newer action figures I'm looking at them right now they're beautiful series two just started coming out they're on sale at Figure Collections.com. Also in stock, we have Randy Snuts and Carissa, Big Sue, Sprag the Whisperer, J.W. Stillwater,

and Scott Ackerman, Little Old Me, complete your collection. Also, European customers can go to actionfigure seller.com, cheaper import fees. And we have CBB Throwback T's Available. We have Calvin's Twins T's, Comedy Bing-Bong, All Joking a Salad, and Hay Nong Man t-shirts available. We just launched a new Bob Duca t-shirt, which is available from a couple of weeks ago. It's, you can't afford these mustache rides. Bob Dukin T-shirt.

And that's available as a ringer or a baseball tea, all available at Podswag.com slash comedy bang bang, all right, let's close up the old plug bag. Open up the plug bag, 2025. Oh, ha, oh, ho, oh, oh, oh, you've got it. You've got it. Oh, oh, ho, ho, and the plug, bang, bang, bang, back.

All right, that was Plug in the Jungle by Sasha and Natasha. Thank you so much. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. And you can upload your song. find anything you need for remixes there. And I want to thank our guests here, Phoebe Robinson, so good to see you again. So good to see you. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for being here and, you know, come back whenever you're in L.A. I would love to. All right, fantastic. And then Egg do, wait, wait a minute, where'd Egg go? Oh. I think Egg started walking back to get back in time for that festival. Yes. Egg went away.

She couldn't stay. Not even for a day This is a parody of Don't Go Away I believe by your favorite band Oasis Yes yes Yeah and do know How are you do you do yesing or are you do know I'm due knowing Scott

Oh no I'm sorry The final do know You held on as long as you could Are you about to expire That I am Scott I'm going to that old bug zapper in the sky Really is that what happens

When you pass on Is you go to a bug zapper Yes we know the end Oh okay flies know what happens. Okay. So is that what happens to humans too? We go to a bug zapper? You go to your own bug zapper and I'll tell you what? It doesn't hurt. Oh, what? Dying or? Because dying, I've heard. Painful. Painful. But being, rigidly painful. Being dead doesn't hurt. Not a bit. Well, yeah, your brain is turned off. That's right. That's right. Well, goodbye. Do you know. We enjoyed having you on. I'm sorry. You were such a good guest. We can't have you on any longer.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Did you ever get together with whatever her name was, by the way? Like, because. Yeah. No. We never did.

We never did. I was supposed to meet her for coffee? I was supposed to be for a slurper of coffee. Oh, I'm so sorry that you wasted so much time being on this podcast. Not a waste. But you know what? You told us all about this Oasis show, although we didn't really hear that much about it. Well, Scott, you heard all you need to know.

Do you know what I mean? That's another oasis song Okay, this is a good use of your time, by the way Thank you. When are you going to die? Definitely maybe Soon. Definitely maybe, okay, this is another, okay, we're understanding this.

All right, thanks everyone. We'll see you next week. Bye.