Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Edi Patterson, Ben Rodgers, Devin Field

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

W Hotel owner Bean Dip joins Scott once again to talk about her recent trip to Ireland to solve Covid and attending a big celebrity wedding. Then, educator Brooke Flagstaff stops by to talk about the benefits of bathing. Plus, record producer Jack Persimmons drops by to talk about his record label Tone Deaf Records.

When I became a man, I put away my childish things, but when I became a child and was forced to put away my manly things, I realized the Time Lord would never let me out of his grasp, and I would inevitably long for a merciful death. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Oh, God, I was so out of breath for that. Thank you to Captain Pukefish, Captain Pukefish. Catchphrase Superstar for that wonderful catchphrase emission.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. Whoo, out of the backyard and back into the studio. That's what May is all about, and today is no exception. We have a great show coming up a little later. We have an educator, an educator. Gosh, and we also have a wretched producer, a wretched producer. No, a record producer. Going to tell us all about producing records, I would imagine.

And my name is Scott Ackerman. This is a great week for you. If this is your first week ever listening to the show, welcome home, as real estate agents say to you when you walk into a place they want to sell you. And I want to sell you listening to this show because I think it's a good one. We do have a guest we need to get to right off the top of the bat,

which is, if you're playing baseball, that's where you want to hold it, I think. Is that what that phrase is all about? You want to hold it right up there at the top and swing? She is the owner and proprietor of one W or M. I can't remember if I ever looked at it upside down. It's a W hotel here on Vine. And she has that BDE, that bean dip energy

that we all know and love. Welcome back, bean dip. Hi, bean dip. Hi, Scott. Thanks for having me, man. Thanks, thanks. Yeah, man. It's great to see you.

Yeah, great to see you, man. You look great. Oh, I look great. Thank you so much. What is it about me that you think looks good to you? Well, your hair is very large today. Very large. But I got a haircut this morning.

Well, then I don't know. I don't know your life. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. Your hair is very large. You have a nice tan onto your skin. I may be the most tan person in podcasting. If you're not, somebody needs to get murdered. So bean dip, where have you been?

I mean, I've looked all around for you. Gosh, I feel like we spoke when the pandemic first started and then I haven't seen neither hide nor hair of you. Well, because it's a great question, Scott. Oh, thank you so much. I've been working on my questions as host of this show. That's primarily what I do. So to hear that hard work has been paying off in spades.

I don't know if it's paying off in spades. It's like getting there. And getting there. OK, so paying off in hearts, maybe. It's paying off in hearts. If you're playing hearts, that's exactly where you want to be. Two of hearts, two hearts, a bead. That's why I need you.

Two hearts, a bead is one. I need you. Two hearts. You know that U2 song? Do you like U2? You ever meet Bono? Plenty of times. Yeah, I bet.

Terrible boy in bed. Terrible boy in bed, is that what you're talking about? Terrible in bed. I also like terrible boy in bed. Wouldn't that be funny if he had Mono? Bono has Mono. The headlines would scream. Oh, he has had it before.

He tried to give it to me. I was like, get your ass out of here. Where did you meet Bono? This must have been, of course, before. He was married. He was married. Don't get it twisted. Really?

Well, we were at a musical festival in Ireland. He was like, everybody look at me. I'm the king of Ireland. And I'm like, okay, well, what do you want to do? Does Ireland have a king? I thought that there was- Bono thinks he is the king. Right.

Ireland, they have a regular old democracy. Do they even know what they have? I bet they're so far away from England, they're like, what are we again? Yeah. When I was there, that's all I experienced. People walking around restaurants, coffee shops, dress shops, going like, wait, where was I going?

What are we politically? What has all come from me? They don't pay attention to that kind of thing. All they're trying to do is just go, oh, where's our king, Bono? Yeah, where's our pot of gold? Where's our pot of gold? Our communal pot of gold.

Where's the leprechaun? It's going to take us to the rainbow, where there's a giant pool with gold and the bottom of the pool's made of gold. They're whimsical people, are they not? The Irish. They are so whimsical. I love them.

It's exhausting. Oh, really? You find it to be a little much? Well, it's just like, they're coming in hot, man. They're always like, hey, let's do a jig. Hey, come on, let's have some dark beer. Oh, let's watch some, let's watch, let's watch footy. They like to call it footy.

What, my left foot? Yeah. They call it footy? They call it footy. They always like, let's get some Daniel Day Lewis bottles to me. Let's play some footy. So you were in Ireland.

You met Bono. He gave you Mono or tried to give you Mono. Tried to. I was like, hey, put this in the zip lock. He was like, welcome to the wonderful world of Mono. Welcome to the wonderful world of Bono's Mono. And I was like, put your Mono in the zip lock. Let me call your wife.

She could come get you. Y'all can figure this out on your own. Yeah. I'm tired of it. I got to get back to what I'm doing, which was solving COVID. Oh, you were solving COVID. Oh, this was recent since COVID exists.

So this must have been in the last years. It's a regular occurrence. It's made enough for Bono. Oh, okay. So this is the latest. This is the latest incarnation. So you were in Ireland. What does Ireland have to do with COVID?

I mean, obviously it's everywhere. It's everywhere. But they get it in a different way there because they're so like, hey, let's talk about singing and dancing. Let's have fun times. Let's all have red hair. Yeah, the red hair is part of it, right?

From what I understand, COVID attacks the week. That's right. So nobody there's got red hair anymore because once the COVID gets in a red hair, the person, all their whole hair turns to translucent. So not even a different color just totally see-through? Not even white. Not even beige.

Wow. See-through translucent. I did not hear that. I mean, you know, I read the medical journals, but that hasn't made them yet. God, there are some great medical journals. There's some great ones out there. Which one's your favorite, Bean Dip?

Doctors who love to talk about their problems. Weekly. Weekly. Yeah, of course. So you were trying to solve, did you ever figure out what cause did, how to... Oh, yeah. Oh, you did?

We solved COVID. We figured out what cause it. Well, God, we figured out how to fix it. We figured out how to make it so nobody else gets anymore. Oh. But all the governments are like, can't keep it a secret. Oh, because they're making the money hand over fist for those vaccines.

And now I get paid so much money for keeping it a secret. Really? By the way, if you've never heard Bean Dip on the show before, one of the richest women... Very wealthy. Or even people. Yes. Women.

I'll go back to women. Well, put me up there with Bezos if you don't want to be a bitch. Okay. All right. Yeah, right up there with Bezos. I mean, you a self-made billionaire. Billionaire, yes. And started from meager and humble beginnings, right?

Very meager, like grew up in a yard with no house attached. No house at just a yard? Just a yard. What would you eat for lunch? Just usually lots of sticks with... No. Just like a little bit of leaves. Really?

You couldn't even afford the leaves? Well, the leaves got confusing because then you had to climb. Oh, okay. And you couldn't afford the ladder. Well, just like you couldn't afford the injury because then the ambulance would come. Oh, it's an insurance thing. Yeah, because you might fall out of the tree. So just eat the sticks.

So just eat the sticks. Maybe you'll get a leaf if it falls to the ground. Yeah, like don't be a dick about it. Just eat the sticks and know that one day you will become a millionaire, billionaire. And so I don't know that... I mean, I know your story a little bit, of course. Ask for anything. AMA.

AMA, really? Did you invent the AMA? Of course I did. Wow. Yeah. Not Reddit itself, just the concept of an AMA. Man, fuck Reddit. Really?

How dare you? I'm sorry, but they're all like... That's one of the... It's the front page of the internet. But they should not have called themselves that because it's too confusing. Yeah, because like you're there on your computer and well, you know what happens. Right. You try to look up colors.

Right. Blue, yellow. Like I want to talk about things on the internet. Let me look up colors. You want me to look up colors? Right. All of a sudden? You're talking Reddit.

All of a sudden? All of a sudden? Okay. Okay. I'm on your wavelength. Yeah, pretty great. So now you started off in a yard with no house. Yeah.

Did you have parents or too few or too many? Four minutes. I had too many parents. Wow. How many? They were all dogs. Oh, wow. Yeah.

But then they went up to heaven? A pack. All dogs do, dog. Don't they, dog? Uh-huh. I'd love to see a sequel like the first dog who went to hell. Like he was just so bad. And they're like, look, you saw the previous film.

You know our whole template here, but this dog. I'm pretty sure I know that one that went to hell. That's called my father. Oh, no. My father was a dog, you know. I'm pretty sure that dog went to hell. Really? What did your father do for a living?

Well, he was a dog, so he didn't do much for a living. He was a literal dog? Yeah. I was raised by a literal dog. So this has to be like a Mowgli situation where you were. Full Mowgli. You went full Mowgli. Yeah.

You're in the States though? In the United States of America, if that's what you mean. Yeah. Well, sort of, yeah. Okay. Yeah. In the United States of America. You had me doubting myself there for a second.

Yeah. No, I do mean that. Well, those are the options. True. But United States of America raised by dogs. No big deal. Were they dogs of the same breed or a bunch of different hodgepodge patchwork? Hodgepodge pack.

Wow. Hodgepodge pack. Hodgepodge pack. And what did the dogs teach you to do? I mean, I've never heard of a human being. Dig eight sticks. Dig eats. Oh, see dogs love sticks.

You know, usually you go, oh, wow, they're just chasing them. They love to nibble on them. They love, hey, if you grew up in a yard with no house, you'd love to nibble on sticks. You just might love to nibble on sticks. You might love to nibble on sticks. Yeah. They taught me how to steal. They taught me.

What, steal what? Like a lunch meat hanging out of like a butcher's back pocket? Yes, for lunch meat on a butcher's back pocket. Why don't they carry it back there? Because all butchers love to go, look at me. I'm so old-timey. I'm like the old days. Yeah.

Let me put my meat from my back pocket. They taught me how to steal from Nordstroms. Dogs steal from Nordstrom. What are they? Oh, the town. That's the high end department store. What are they stealing from Nordstrom? Well, usually blouses, tops, shirts that they can then sell online.

Okay. Unlike eBay. Or eBay, not Reddit. Okay, yeah. eBay, YouTube, all that. Yeah. Sell anywhere dog tops are sold. So you're an expert.

Is that how you amassed your fortune? No, that's how I got into a place where I didn't have to live on the yard. You know, I'll go steal some from Nordstrom, sell it back. I got like a few hundred thousand that way. Okay. But that's chicken feed to you too. That's full chicken feed. Yeah.

Give it to the chickens for all I can because there ain't nothing to me. That's like you threw me a nickel on me. That's true. So a couple of hundred thousand and that's just walking around money for you. And then how did you amass your actual, the billions that you have now? Well, some of it, you know, I own a W hotel in Hollywood. Sure. I also own the spa there and I sold kisses for a long time.

Right. But granted to people by you. You weren't brokering two separate parties to kiss. No. They bought kisses for me. Okay, yeah. Like a very high end prostitution top deal. Sure.

For kisses or? For kisses. But they could be anywhere on a boat. Okay. So we're talking blowjobs. Sure. Yeah. Okay.

Sure. But also they could pay to give them all me. If they want to give a blowjob on me, they could pay me a ton of money. Right. Yeah. What is it? What is a blowjob called when you give it to a woman? Well, when you give a blowjob on a woman, that's called like.

When you give a blowjob on, it's like standing on a woman? Well, you can stand on her lay on her, sit on her backwards. But like, when you give a blowjob on a woman, that's called a windstorm. Windstorm. Yeah. The storm is coming. Yeah. So, and that's, and you know, cut to $3 billion later.

Cut to $3 billion later. I got a bunch of. Smash cut to, sorry. Smash cut. I got a bunch of hot dog stands. Why sell cucumbers inside a bun? Right. You know, it's got, you come every day to buy some.

I love them. I have a peculiar palette though. I think a COVID effect. I can't taste anything. I just love the texture though. I mean, I'll suppose your hair is naturally thin. I know. Can you believe it?

Yeah. You had COVID five times. Is that right? Yeah. I know. I kept contacting you every single time. So, so, I mean, obviously all of that is in the rear view. Now you're a woman of leisure.

That's right. And what does a bean dip do for fun? We've talked about work and everything you do for work all the time. But what do you do in your spare hours when it's time for bean dip to relax? I don't know what day it is. A lot of times as human beings here in the United States of A, we do this on the weekends, but some people have irregular hours. What do you like to do for fun and when do you do it?

Gosh, I love. The reporters' questions. When do you do it? How do you do it? Why do you do it? Where do you do it? Great. Who do you do it with?

All the W's. For a fan. I love to relax on a Wednesday. Oh, great day. Hump day they call it. Yeah, they do call it hump day. That's part of why I like to involve a little bit of metaphor. I love to go out to where there's hills and I love to come to the top of hills,

roll down them, see if anybody's down at the bottom of the hill, see if I can decide before I roll down. Let me see if I can hit this person on my way down. So it's kind of like a game to you. It's a game to me. Maybe I'll meet a friend always. I meet somebody who wants to be in my life forever. I mean, I can only imagine it must be hard to roll down a hill and not hit someone here

in Los Angeles. It's so crowded. It's so crowded. It was overpopulation. Yeah. So who have you met by rolling down a hill and just smashing into them? Most recently, Bobby Cannavale. Bobby Cannavale.

The celebrity chef? No. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Who am I thinking of? I'm thinking of Bobby Flay. Bobby Flay? I know Bobby Flay though.

You do? I'm thinking of Bobby Cannavale. He's from Bordwick Empire? Bordwick Empire, also a lot. Station Aging. Station Agent 18. No. Station Aging.

Aging. Station Aging. Station Aging. Station Aging. Station Aging. Station Aging. Station Aging. Station Aging.

Yeah. He's also a part... He's in the Amazing Ant-Man movies. He's in the Amazing Ant-Man movies. He's also the movie with the Art of Resort. You know what they like? Or the Resort. Everything's creepy.

Nicole Kim is like, hey, I'm an occult. The White Lotus. Well, that's close enough. Close enough. I mean, look. If you're talking resort shows. Resort shows.

If someone says White Lotus, just give it to him. Yeah. But he's a delight. Really? So you crashed into him. Crashed into him. He stands up and he's a brash Italian-American. Is he not?

Yeah. Brash Italian-American. Three-piece suit on a Wednesday. Three pieces. Three pieces. Best included. Best included. I knocked him smooth to the ground.

He lost all consciousness. When he came to, I said, where are you going at your three-piece suit? Are you trying to go somewhere fancy? And he said, I'm on my way to a wedding and I will kill myself if you don't pay my date. Wow. So who was getting married?

Did you go, first of all? Obviously you went. Of course I went. So who was getting married? Well, he was, this is kind of a secret thing, but Leonardo DiCaprio was getting married to, like, a girl who, like, wore, like, a Bugs Bunny outfit on a Hollywood Boulevard.

Like, what are the ones where Bugs Bunny's a rapper and wearing, like, a big chain or something like that? Yeah, like, outside of Miss Chinese. Yeah. Yeah. Really? I think what I was saw Abigail or something. Oh, I see.

So not wearing a t-shirt of that. No, that's my job. Wearing the actual Bugs Bunny. Oh, so she's, she, Leonardo DiCaprio got married to someone playing Bugs Bunny outside of the Man's Chinese Theater. Yeah, I'm pretty sure her name was, like, Abigail or something. Abigail. Maybe.

And what did she look like? I mean, Bugs Bunny. Gorgeous. But she had to be short because Bugs Bunny is, like, pretty low to the ground, right? Well, yeah, I would say she was, like, I want to, I want to denigrate her and say, like, short, but she was probably, like, three, two.

Okay, that's kind of, I mean, as human beings go. I guess. So, wow, so he, so he's married. He's off the market. Yeah, he's off the market. He's, as far as I know, they have not achieved an annulment. They've not achieved it. Have they been trying for one?

I think they've been trying for a while. Oh, good luck to them. We pray for the happy couple. So, wow, what, and where did they get married? I mean, this is like. Well, he was on his way walking there. I was rolling on some hills in Los Feliz and he was like, well, the wedding is going to be at Mess Hall in Los Feliz.

Mess Hall? Oh, okay. That's a popular restaurant. Yeah. In Los Feliz. Over there on Franklin, or no, Los Feliz Boulevard. Oh, Los Feliz Boulevard. Right.

Los Feliz in Vermont? Is that right? That sounds right. What's your, what's your preferred route to go to when you go there? I love to go up Los Feliz Boulevard because I love to stop every now and then I stare. Yeah. Do you take Western to get there? Always Western to get there.

I like the movies and the street. Western trademark. Really? Western's are your favorite movies? I love Western. Name one. Hanyu. Yeah.

I know what you're thinking. Yeah. A little high noon. That's why it gives you five or six edibles at 10 milligrams each. Watch a little Hanyu and it doesn't even matter if you watch it at 12 p.m. or not. At 420 is when I would watch it. You know what I'm saying? Everybody listen up.

Scott's getting hilarious. So you, so you meet Bobby Cannavale. He says it's at Mess Hall. How far away are you as the crow flies? About a six mile walk. Six mile walk. And why is he walking there? Because he just said, like I said, he's a delight.

He said, I was just, I was just out to enjoy the day. Oh, that's, that's your impression of Bobby Cannavale. Well, he's like very New York-y. Yeah. He is. Yeah. Out of, on a scale from like the Statue of Liberty to the Dukes of Hazard. He's like, he's edging close to that statue, isn't he?

He's, he's like grabbing on the skirt. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, Hey, down here. Down here. Bobby's here. Hey, it's going to take me a minute to climb up to your nose. Yeah.

Hey, Bobby's down here at the skirt. Exactly. Yeah. So six miles and you walked to, you walked to Mess Hall. And did he say who it was or was it a surprise? Was it a surprise wedding to even Leo? Well, Leo knew he was having it. That's why he invited a few friends, Bobby Cannavale included.

And Bobby included what? Bobby Cannavale included. And Bobby Cannavale was his best man. What? What an honor. They're great friends. Where did they even meet? I can't think of a single thing they've done together.

I think they met on something like there will be blood or something. Oh yeah. Yeah. Another, another. Some movie. Another Daniel Day Lewis, Irish. Yeah, probably some Hollywood, Irish movie. Yeah.

So you get there. It's Leo's there. Leo's there. Yeah. Bobby, I kept on the secret. He was like, let me just give you some hints. This is my friend. Some people will think he's a lion.

And I'm like. A lion? What? What's that supposed to mean? Because it was first name or something else? Yeah. In retrospect, because of his first name. Did growing pains come up at all?

Like in the hints or? Don't even get me started. Mainly growing pains related. Maybe growing pains. Yeah. So much stuff about growing pains. He's like, well, if Mr. Thick was your dad. And he never would say Alan Thick.

He just, you thought he was saying T-H-I-C-C? Yeah, I thought he was saying like nice ass. You're right, yeah. Like Mr. Thick. And I was like. I'm surprised you didn't guess Leo DiCaprio though from Mr. Thick. No, because I just thought he was talking about like someone with a big old juicy booty. Yeah, right.

Like he says with two C's. Then he was like, okay, this was really going to give it away. I'm like, we're on mile four, bitch. He said. We're on mile four, bitch. Yeah. I'm like, you better give it. We're almost there.

Yeah. Then he was like, okay. Think of last names that have a smaller letter in the middle. So little in the middle, but he's got much back because he's thick. Thick. Interesting. Sir Mixalot is exactly where I would go. That's where I would.

You know, with the A in between those hyphens, you know, I mean. So you, you go into it thinking it's Sir Mixalot getting married. I go into it very excited that it's going to be Sir Mixalot. And then to be disappointed. Well, then I'm like, okay, cool. Gilbert Grape's friend. Yeah. Yeah.

Who's like Gilbert Grape? Was it the, what's his name? Uh, yeah. That pirate guy? Yeah. That pirate guy. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Weirdo. Grumpy. Yeah. Grumpy. Yeah. So, uh, so interesting. And then did, did the bride walk down the aisle in the Bugs Bunny suit?

Well, she had a gorgeous dress on and just a Bugs Bunny head. Occasionally, Bugs Bunny would wear that gorgeous dress pretending to be a woman. Oh, well, I thought you were going to talk about girl Bugs Bunny. Oh, Lola. Lola. Is that her name? Lola. She, she played basketball and every like teenage guy wanted to have sex with her.

She was quite a basketball, man. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for a cartoon. Well. Let's just. Who's better? Well, cartoon is better.

Man. I mean, Marvin the Martian. Not good at basketball. He's not great, but he, uh, you know, he's very imposing. He has that ray gun. Yeah. But who's good at basketball? You need to check yourself only Lola.

That's true. That's a good point. I mean, for a cartoon, she's probably the best at basketball. She is. Don't, don't worry about it. She is. So she's just wearing the head. And then a beautiful dress.

A gorgeous dress. Then she gets on the aisle. She takes off the head and everybody's like, oh, because she is beautiful. It was what she looked at. Was her, was it like a smaller Bugs Bunny head? Well, it had to be because she's, because she's three, two. Right. Right.

So a very small Bugs Bunny head, but her head was smaller than the Bugs Bunny head. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, what did, what did her face look like? It looked like, you know how like on that, you know, that movie Freaks from a long time ago. From 1928 or so.

Yeah. With the, with the, uh, Centipede man, Caterpillar man. Yeah. Sure. One of us, one of us. Yeah. You know, those people who chant one of us. Yeah.

The titular Freaks. Yeah. They've got like a, uh, strange shaped head, maybe like a tuft of hair up top. Sure. The pinheads sometimes. Yes. That's what, that's why I'm searching for pinheads. You know what?

She looked a lot like a gorgeous pinhead. So a go, so an even more gorgeous pinhead. Even more gorgeous pinhead. Like, oh wow. You would like drench yourself. With, like, what, with, uh, just, just, oh, okay. I got it. Okay.

Yeah. Say no more. Yeah. Say no more. If you saw Abigail, you would drench yourself. Well, you're gorgeous. Lucky man. Lucky man, that Leo.

I'll say. But he's off the market. So someone say he was the world's most eligible bachelor. Not anymore. Well, not anymore. Cause I, like I said, I don't think they have a shape. No, man. Yeah.

But I mean, uh, it used to be George Clooney. Remember the Cloondog? He used to play pranks with everyone and used to play basketball instead of ER. He was the old, did the whole, he was there and let it out. But then he got married to a mall whose name is a little close to anal. Don't you think? Yeah. Or it just makes you think like, oh, maybe if I go to see her, I could visit a lot of

stores. Yeah. Exactly. Uh-huh. Hmm. Anyway, uh, you ever going to get married being dip? Oh, no. Go fuck yourself.

Go fuck yourself. Yeah. Feel free. Don't censor yourself. I got no time. Man, I got no time. You could go fuck yourself. Cause everybody's trying to marry me.

I don't like. Yeah. Whatever happened to Bobby Cannavale? Did, did you guys hook up or what? He would have left. We did hook up. Yeah. And we did hook up for a couple of months, but he would have loved to get married.

He begs me every day via text. I'm like, you're screwing up my plan and my, my cellular plan. Yeah. Too many texts. Too many texts, Bobby. Yeah. It's not just the ones going out. It's the ones coming in.

It's the ones coming in. People don't realize you get charged for all of it. Yeah. I don't understand. He's heartbroken, but like. My texts are exit only. Hey, this is like my bow. Hey, really?

Oh, Bobby Cannavale. An interesting guy. I didn't know all that about him. The guy, dude loves to walk to weddings. Great guy. Delightful guy. Delightful guy. Loves like 90.

Loves to walk to weddings. He's the best man. Loves to walk to weddings. Just a writing sweaty as hell. Three pieces. Three pieces. Walk to weddings at restaurants. Loves like 90s grunge.

Really? 90s grunge as opposed to all those other decades. All the other decades he's into. So, but he's particularly into the 90s grunge. Wow. What are his favorite bands? Nirvana. Probably like Nirvana.

The one he always played on repeat that I was like, we cannot have a relationship was Stuntable Followers, Alice in the Chains. Oh, wow. Did you ever, did you go see the Batman? Because he used that Nirvana song in it. I didn't see it yet because I just was like, I don't have the time.

What do you think of a world where a guy dresses up like a bat and fights crime? That's weird, right? You like it. That's great. I wish we had that in the real world. Yeah, I wish policemen would dress up like that. Me too.

I'm like, why don't you? It would make it fun. You know what I mean? Like everyone mistrust the police because they're always like, you know, trying to frame you and trying to harass you. But like if they were dressed like Batman, it would be kind of like everything will be better. Just like, hey man, just like a bat.

Just like a bird. Just like any creature that flies cops dress up like it would like you better. ACAB, all cops are Batman. That would be great. ACAB. Well, Bean Dip, it's great to have you here. I think we caught up.

Have we sufficiently caught up? Hey, I'm feeling good, but I'm happy to tell you anything you want to know. Okay. What did you do on your 13th birthday? 13th birthday. I was out of the yard by then. I'd already made $300,000 for selling shirts from Nordstroms.

I went with three friends to a skating rink. We refused to put skates on. Instead, we put the soft side of Velcro onto the bottom of our tennis shoes, not the sticky side of Velcro. Then we pretended to roll a skate all around the roller rink for three hours. Wow. Sounds like a dream.

Were you escorted out of the facility at a certain point? At a certain point after three hours. After three hours? Wow. Just the squeaky shoes, but sliding around. Amazing. It was great. So you have the softer side down.

You have the prickly side up. Prickly side on. Tape to your hand so that if anybody tries to come up to you, you grab them and it hurts the arms. Got it. Perfect. Yeah. Okay.

Well, Bean Dip, we have to take a break if that's okay. That's okay. I have you here because you have, not only do you have BDE, Bean Dip Energy, but you have a big co-host energy. That's why? I need you here with me. I need you at my side. I'm happy to be here, Scott.

There's no place I would rather be. Is that true? That's so nice to hear. That's the truth. After a few episodes with people on here who hate me so much, it's so great to have someone here who's a good friend to me and especially, I mean, we haven't talked to, off-mic, you know, we have a relationship where we're there

for each other a lot. We haven't talked about that, but... Well, yeah, but, you know, don't get me started. I talk a lot off-mic, too. I'm going to get emotional here if we talk about it. I know. But you act like, oh, I don't know what is ever in your life, but I talk to your wife a lot.

I know. We know, yeah. Well, you talk to Cool Up a lot and then I know everything that we've talked about. I was just humoring you. Okay. Just setting you up, but I knew all of this stuff because we talk all the time.

You and I are such great friends. Well, you know, it's like, I don't know. I see Cool Up a lot, but... Yeah. I feel like... You lived in our attic, right? I lived in your attic for a little while, but, like, I feel like you and I, we just have an eye contact thing.

Sweet. You're right. There's not a lot of talking outside up here, but I'm very happy to be here, and I'm very happy to be your friend. And I think if you want to write down names of people who you feel like hate you, I would love to kill them tonight.

Great. Okay, so like a hit list of sorts. Please, give me a hit list. Do I have to write it down or I'd love for there not to be a paper trail? Write it on... Let's go to the... First, we'll go to the magic shop.

We'll get some of that paper when you write on it, where it disappears. Invisible ink? Yeah. Perfect. The perfect crime. Yeah.

No one... No murderer has ever thought of using invisible ink before. Well, we have to take a break, bean dip, and when we come back, we have an educator. That's very exciting.

Oh. And we have a record producer. Yes. This is a packed show here. Great. So this is exciting. We are going to be right back. We're going to be right back

with the educator and the record producer. We'll be right back with more bean dip, more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back here. We have bean dip here and of the... I guess I don't know

your family heritage, your family name, or is it the dips? Or I can't remember. Do we talk about you have a brother at one point? I do have a brother. But,

well, if you want to talk about family's descent, great. Great. Really. Interesting. So, like, that place in Mamma Mia.

Just exactly like that place. Is it a lot like that? I've never been there. I can only imagine. Well, I didn't know them super well because when I was like, hmm, maybe six months old or something, that's when I got left to yard

and the dogs took over as my parents. Oh, okay. So they went back to Greece? I just went back to Greece. I look forward to maybe meeting up with them sometime. You should go there someday. I mean, you're a billionaire.

You should maybe take one trip to Greece. I'll probably do it. Or do a 23 and me or something? Maybe you could find them. Yeah, maybe I'll do a 23 and me. Yeah, 24 and me. Do it one better. You can afford it.

Let's make it 30 and me. Why not? Let's make it 30 for 30. Why don't you do that? You have the money. Well, look, we need to get to our next guest. He's an educator.

Have you ever been educated being did? Oh, plenty of times. I got my master's. You have a master's? Oh, okay. Really? In what? Food chemistry.

Food chemistry? I thought you were in the restaurant industry. We want to be talking to him. What a strange intro. We want to be talking to him. I don't think I've ever said that before. But I mean, it's. It's got to be a lot stranger, man.

Really? Yeah, I am. Okay. Well, please welcome to the show Brooke Flagstaff. Hi. Hey, I'm happy to be here. I have given talks all over the world to the elderly, to little kids. It doesn't matter.

I am just happy to talk. Okay. So have you ever been to Greece? I have been to Greece. Okay. Is it a lot? Is it a lot like Mamma Mia? And were there two, was there a man and a woman wandering around like looking for a kid ever?

I saw that several times. Two part question. Yeah. I mean, basically every time you go, you feel like you just jumped in through a TV screen into Mamma Mia. Into Mamma Mia. Really? People singing ever?

Oh, the time. I mean, good luck taking a nap over there. Oh, thank God you said nap. This is a family show. And then there was a man and a woman kind of looking for a child. Everywhere. You can't escape parents looking for children. See, I think you could find them if you were there being dip.

Well, maybe six years than I thought. Yeah. Why? You thought it was hard? I just figured it would be complicated. Boy. Yeah. The only thing that's complicated are too many.

Too many parents. You're going to be surrounded by this. It's going to be a needle in a haystack situation. There's so many parents over there. So you've been all over the world. That's right. Educating people, giving talks. I give talks.

I give seminars. To children and elderly. Elderly. Everything in between. Everything in between. God, that's right. Okay. And what are you talking about if you don't mind me?

Ask him. I mean, you're on the show. Usually, yeah, I start up and I'll ask the audience a question. I'll say, hey, you woke up today. What did you do? And usually they'll say I went to the bathroom. And I say, okay, what did you do next? And they'll say, I brushed my teeth.

And I'll say, well, that makes a lot of sense. What did you do after that? You're trying to lead them into, they got on their phone, right? Well, not quite, Scott. They'll say. Because that's usually when I hear this thing is like, hey, what was the first thing you did in the morning? Looked at my phone.

Yeah. You want people to say that. And then that leads you into saying, well, you shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. I'll be like, of course you did. But there's a few steps in between that people usually are giving you. People usually say, and I jumped in the shower. And then I stop right there.

Because you're getting too horny? I'm like, well, that's mistake. We're number one. I guess so worked up. No, I get the hornyness out of my system along before. So you're jerking off before you give these time. Before every show. Okay, great.

Before every show, I want to go out empty. I want to go out clear. Ball's drained. Ball's drained. So I say, I mean, especially you're talking to a mixed crowd. You don't want. I feel like we've gotten off at a weird footing here. My questions are.

You're leading me. I know. Your balls are drained. I'm answering honestly, Scott. Yes. I'm apologizing because I don't want to get in the middle of your thing. Well, maybe I can help you out because it maybe all comes together. Take a bath.

Wait, this. Get in the tub, Scott. This is your advice. Get in the tub. Why is everybody wasting their time showering every morning? You got a tub right there, Scott. Maybe you got so much sex on the brain because you need a good soak. You ever think of that?

Get in there. Brooke, what are the benefits of having a soak? Oh, God, they're. Great question. Thank you. How many hours is this podcast, Scott? Usually about an hour and 15. Okay.

Well, I'll try to keep it brief because there's a whole hell of a lot of. We do have another guest coming up. Well, I won't get lost in details. How long do you think you're going to go? The benefits? Yeah. I'll go as long as you let me. I'm being a good boy.

Well, no, I've given you the parameters. We're about an hour and 15 minutes of a show. We do have another guest coming up and who's going to take about as much time as you're going to have. So how much time do you think you're going to do? Just so I can plan it. Okay. Well, I'll go an hour and a half.

You can edit it down in poker. God, there's a lot of work for all of our editing team. You can have the editing team work and they can put whatever. You just edit yourself down to whatever time it needs to be. Listen, I'll get my editing team on it. I don't know that we want a bunch of outsiders coming. They're good boys. They're good boys.

Yeah, they're clear-headed. And that's one of the benefits. My whole editing team takes a long soak before every editing session and they are so clear-headed. I mean, they get all the important info in there. They get all the bullshit out. Separate the weed from the chaff. Okay. So what?

And I'll say bullshit and the kids love it. Oh, you say this in your... I say it in the talk. I say it at the schools. The old folks, they like it because it's like they want to get straight to business. Right. They're cutting through the crap. The kids, they all giggle.

They're like, he isn't supposed to be saying that. What about the 20-year-olds? The 20-year-olds? They are just so damn locked into the speech at that point. Really? What about the 19-year-olds? Are they... 19-year-olds?

You know what? Because they're not 20 yet. Yeah, they're not. They're kind of in that weird stage. Yeah. Are they unimpressed with their... They're out of high school. They're in college.

They don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're doing. Sometimes they have too much student debt still. They hear bullshit and that locks them right. Yeah. Okay, so everyone likes it. Everybody likes it. It's across the board.

Okay. And you know, when you're 19, you need to soak maybe more than anybody because your body might still be growing. You're probably got... You're probably horny, quite frankly, Scott. Right. I know that will get through to you. Oh, thank you.

I appreciate you speaking your language. I got to ask, though, about the soaking thing. Okay, first of all, you say why waste time taking a shower? Baths take longer, don't they? Oh, God. Being deep. Am I wrong on this? Well, I've been sitting here basically in a bathtub of confusion because that's what

my brain went on. I thought, oh, I thought baths took longer. I guess I have something to learn from books. It takes approximately an hour and a half for it to fill up, usually, because I mean, I'm counting in the time where you forget that you didn't put the plug in. And then you got to sit in it for, I don't know, you feel like you're wasting... Like, if you go in there for as long as you do a shower, like five minutes, you feel like you wasted that huge amount of setup time and all the bath salts and all that kind of stuff.

So it's like you usually end up feeling guilty of like, I want to get out of this thing after five minutes. I know exactly how you feel. Thank you. You get your ducky in there. You get your salts in there. You get your bubbles. It's a whole big to do.

You forgot to plug it up. Scott forgot to plug it up. Now you got to get out different salts because I'm all out of salts and they all went down the drain. You got to go to the store. You got to get more salts. You got to get more bubble bath shit. Sure.

Yeah. We've all been there. And you know what happens? You take your quick shower, you go through your day and guess what happens? You forget to do something during your day. Uh-huh. He's white. Yeah.

But what is it? Then you go to work. You do something a little bit slower. What? What are we talking about? And then you drive. You drive to work. You get lost.

Because you know what? All those little things. What? You didn't get a soak in. Your head's all over the place. Oh. And you get lost. And then when you add it up.

And I've done the math. And I've had a team of editors doing the math. I have a whole algorithm. You created an algorithm? Yeah. I'm working with Sergio over at Google and we have figured out. He's moonlighting on this? Well, he's a good friend.

I mean, that company took off once those guys started bailing. But everything that he creates doesn't Google own it? I mean, because he's drawing a salary? I mean, this is dicey stuff for you to get this. Yeah. I mean, this probably won't make the show. Oh, you're editing this out? Okay, great.

Okay, good. No, I was going to hear this. This probably won't go on the show. But yeah, he's moonlighting a little bit. How far back do you think the editors are going to take this? They'll go through your whole catalog. Okay, quite honestly, the archives need it. They seem like good boys.

The editors. Yeah, where are they? Where are these guys? The editors? Yeah, where are they? I got them out in the van out front. Oh, okay. All right.

Yeah. So you met the editors? Oh, yeah. We had a great time last night. Did you just go knocking on van windows? Yeah, it's a great way to meet people who you may be having affinity with. Yeah, interesting. Okay, so you love baths.

What's the first time you ever noticed that a bath kind of made a difference in your life? Yeah, 1978. Is that a good question? It's a great question. First bath where I was like, I am on point today. 1978. Yeah, it was a long time ago. How old of a gentleman were you?

Me in 1978, I was 30 years old. Oh, okay. So you're a good 70s. That's right. Yeah, I'm a grandfather. 74 years old. I'm a proud grandfather. And my daughter just keeps popping out babies.

How many? My son-in-law, all his equipment is working and they are happy and they are... Are they Catholic or something? No, they just like to procreate. I mean, everyone likes the act of procreating. All right, here we go again. Scott, this guy cannot... You gotta soak, man.

What if... You gotta soak it out of your system. What if every single time you had sex, the woman got pregnant? Would people still do it? No. I think people still would, weirdly. I don't think so. I think they rationed themselves, but I think they'd still...

People would just go, fuck it. Let's just do it. Your head is in the clouds, man. I haven't met a guy who needs a bath so bad. Describe this bath. What happened to you in 1978? Oh, God, it was the perfect bath. And you know what?

Not to gross anybody out, but it was old bathwater. Oh, gosh. Second hand bathwater? Second hand bathwater. My second wife had just taken a bath and I said, you know what? Leave it in there. Just don't drain it. I'm gonna jump in there.

You say that. But I mean, it was kind of like warning jeans. Oh, warning jeans. I love warning jeans. Yeah. Once you've had warning jeans. Now, these are jeans you wear when... And they have special...

I think that's where my nose comes in. Yeah. When I used to be a storm chaser. They would turn to different colors. Yeah. You put them on because of the static electricity. Yeah. And so like if you're part of a storm and like, and my editors can tell you this.

I mean, the van used my old storm trailer. They know all about your storm chasing days. They know my storm chasing days. So when you're just driving to a place like this interview, you're going like, faster, faster, get over there. Yeah. Yeah. I still got that in me.

Yeah. I can't soak out that energy no matter how hard I try. So you were in there with your second wife. And this is someone you were not married to at the time. This is your previous wife? Yeah. This is my previous wife. I'm not married now.

But at the time, you were not married. You were not married. So why does she take you baths at your place? You know what, Scott? I've been married four times. Congratulations. Yeah. Wow.

That's a quarter of a Leo. Yeah. Here's the crazy part. They're all friends. All my exes are friends. Really? Isn't that beautiful? Wow.

Do they get together? Or do they work together? They get together. They work together. They get together and work together. So they're work friends who then get together after work? Yeah. They all hang out.

They have healthy relationships with each other. They get together after work. They have drinks. They have cocktails. They see movies. They're all in animal control. Oh, my God. Animal control.

Yeah. So they work. They're like animal scape zoos and things. They call my ex wives. That happens so often they need to hire four different people? That's right. Well, they work together as a team. They all have specialties.

What's going on with this zoo? Yeah. Why are people... Why are so many animals escaping this zoo? Do they have faulty... It's every zoo, Scott. This is a problem. Really?

Yeah. This isn't just one zoo. Although there's a couple culprits. I won't name names. San Diego. But they... That's the biggest zoo there is. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. So tigers are just getting loose? There's reason it's so big. They play a little fast and loose with the rules. Okay. Got it. And the tigers are running out.

The bears are getting out of there. They got all... I mean, don't even bring up the reptile house. That place is... I mean... I'm not going to bring it up. I wasn't even going to bring it up. But I can only...

Don't anyway. My ex wives... Just tigers fucking bears and... Yeah, Scott. What? Now you're bringing it into the animal kingdom. You're... That's gross, Scott.

Thank you. I beg your pardon. Thank you. So you took this bath in 1978. Yeah. Yeah. With your ex-wifes. She had previously, babe.

She came over. We were no longer together. She came over. She wanted to take clean up a little bit. Right. She was covered in a poison slime of some kind. Poison slime. What has she been doing?

I have to ask a follow-up. What was she doing that she got poison slime? Well, she was catching an animal. Oh, God. I think it was... It had secreted some sort of... Yeah, I think that it swallowed her skin. Oh, geez.

This is... These are questions for her, so I'm giving it to you, secondhand. It's like a boa constrictor. Yeah, it was some sort of... Speaking of certain mix a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It was...

It was some sort of reptile. Right. And so she had to... She, like, cut herself out or crawled out. Oh, right. She's usually pretty good at the animal, so I assume she crawled out or maybe tickled as inside. And were you guys uncommunicative and you didn't really ask any questions anyway?

You were just, like, kind of grunted at her? Yeah. You know, she tries to leave work at work. Right. Except when she's out there with her work friends after work. Yeah, well, they have a book club. They talk about books and stuff. Oh, really?

What's their favorite book? Oh, I think her favorite book is the one with the killer and the detective. Oh, I love that one. I like that one, yeah. But I think it's called the detective meets the killer? Yes. Is that what it is? Okay, yeah.

Yeah. I think you're right. It has a good meeting. The detective meets the killer and has a good meeting. I tried to do the audio book, but the reader. The reader was crazy. Who was doing it? It was some guy who, I mean, this guy, because it's not in the book, he keeps telling his

own story. He would just keep interjecting. Yeah, he keeps telling his own stories as he's reading and he says, he says, hey, pause it. Pause it? Why? He's telling the story he wants you to hear. Yeah, Scott.

Oh, wait. Is he talking to the engineers? I guess he is. Because if I were a listener, I would be like, yeah, I'm like, okay, I guess I'm going to pause it. But when do I unpause it? Right. Then all my advice thinking is like, but now I can't hear the book.

Yeah. This is pretty digital. Oh, so this is like, I bought this thing. I got like 50 friggin tapes, Scott. Right. So this is back in the early 80s. Yeah. This is back in my storm trash can days.

Yeah. Sorry. I need a friggin soak, man. How many have you had today? I have soaks. I'm up to four. I have four soaks a day. I might crank it up to five.

I try to sneak one in before bed. And again, you can. Okay. All you people going green. I use the same water. Yeah. So same water every day? Same water every day.

Okay. Yeah. But don't go to bed wet. That's what they tell you. Yeah. That's classic. When you're taking a bath and you're like, man, this is exhausting. Then you're just like, I'm going to go to bed wet.

Now, I said that a lot. And guess what? I do it. I guess I'm a bad boy because I don't follow that advice. I go to sleep at it wet every night, Scott. What? Yeah. Well, Mr. Flagstaff, what do you go to bed wet?

Do you wake up with depression or remorse? Great question. Thank you. Well, you know, frequently I suffer from night terrors. Oh, terrors that happen while you're sleeping or just you're afraid at night and that prevents you from going to sleep? Both, Scott. Okay.

That's the worst of both worlds. It was bad. And I have seen doctors. I have tried this. In your nightmares? Yeah. In my nightmares. Wow.

And because I try, I've been drilling. Like creepy ones? Yes, that's right. Zombies and stuff? I've been trying to take control of my dreams, which is what the experts tell you to do. Right. And guess what? Sometimes the experts aren't right.

Yeah, lucid dreaming they call it, where it's like you recognize you're in a dream and then you go like, let's just have fun. Okay. Well, leave your pervy stuff at the door, Scott. I'm trying to tell you about my problems. You're trying to tell me about your problems? Is that what you came here to do? I mean, I'm just trying to, you know, bring up the benefits of bathing.

I'm just making a small talk right now, assuming the good boys in editing are cutting all this part out. This shit won't make the show. This is fucking out, man. Are you kidding me? All right. Do we need a clean edit point for, well, I'm assuming we're going to cut everything out after a good take a bath instead of a shower.

Okay, great. Yeah. Okay. So clean edit point. Yeah. We'll be quiet. Go ahead. And three, two.

So you are going to be feeling great. I'm talking A plus tip top. That sounds good, right? That sounds great. I was like, I won't forget anything in my day. And I'll have a wonderful day for a soaking. Yeah. Health benefits are off the charts.

Really? I mean, who wants to see a doctor? I don't. Me neither, man. I mean, we haven't talked about it. We haven't talked about it. I mean, especially not like a night. Yeah.

You know, any kind of doctor, it doesn't matter. Right. Right. Right. So is that, is that what your talks are mainly about? The bathing stuff? My, my talks are pretty much, I mean, they're 90% baby. Okay.

And then I tell, you know, little stories about the storm chasing days and a little, you know, funny jokes here and there. 10%. Yeah. 10%. I usually pull somebody up from the audience and we kind of go through like where they should scrub a little bit more. That's weird.

How do you ascertain that? He has some get nude, right? But yeah, we get, we have a special little shade that they privacy screen, a privacy screen, but is it like where you can still see the outline? You can still see the outline. I don't know. No, it's actually better. That's fair.

Yeah. You got a good compromise. You got to see the audience. The audience wants to see them nude. They don't want to be seen nude. Just let them show it. See the outline. Let's see the outline.

Yeah. I know you love storm chasing. You can't get it out of your system. Have you ever taken a bath in a bath full of rainwater? That's a beautiful question being dead. I can imagine that would be cold water or is rain hot? Well, if it was me, I'd heat it up, but I'd less, less let the man like a pot. Yeah.

Well, here's the thing. You can have the best of both worlds. If you are in a storm situation and you find a tub, you can let that fill with rain and that will be hot rain. Hot rain. That'll be hot rain. What? Now you can also get the salts naturally in a storm situation because frequently, if

you are in an earthquake, you can find natural salts and you put that in a tub. Wait, you're in an earthquake and a storm at the same time? Mm-hmm. God, that's unlucky. Your genes will be going nuts. Yeah, your warning genes all got to go out the hood. I recommend taking the warning genes off completely. Sure, especially if you're going to take a bath.

Yeah, but hang them where you can see them. Yeah, especially if you've got a couple of jokesters in the crew because they will take your genes. Who's the jokester in these good boys who are the editors over here? You've got one like sort of a prankster. Oh, yeah. Dusty. Dusty, really?

That son of a bitch, man. There's always one, right? There's always one, man. There's always one. This guy is always like, what the fuck is my name? And we're like, Dusty. Oh, you're a joke. Wow, what a prank.

I know. And we're like, stop with the pranks, man. Because you all know him. Yeah, yeah. And we're like, where? Where are we driving? And I'm like, you know where. Just keep driving straight, Dusty.

Are you sure this guy isn't like an amnesiac or? I mean, come on. Don't be a pervert, Scott. I didn't say aphrodisiac. Never mind. No, but you're just like, does he have amnesia? Did he forget everything? What do you remember?

Well, you remember if I put my dick on it? Oh, come on. Yeah, we know where you're going with that. Like how much doesn't this, he's just a prankster, Scott. So do you sell any kind of products after your talks? You know, like any kind of merch or anything like that? Mostly my book, yeah. Oh, you have a book?

You're an author. Oh, I don't have any information about you here on the, unfortunately, Devin, our producer, he's been, I don't know what the fuck's been going on with him. He doesn't write down anything that pertinent that I need to know about these people. Yeah, I mean, I don't really plug the book. You can work out your issues with Devin later on. I kind of don't like.

I mean, I prefer to do it here on Mike. Okay. I mean, it's just. But you don't plug the book. What do you mean by that? You clearly need a bath. So fucking bath. You're giving shit to like your coworkers and your family.

Not really coworkers. I wouldn't consider Devin a coworker. He's more like a boss, a subordinate kind of relationship. Even more unhealthy. You know, what do you get in the bathtub? Yeah. Sometimes when you think you're hot shit, you get in there and you realize, wow, I'm weightless.

I weigh the same thing as everybody else. Hmm. You ever think about that? I haven't. I usually when I think I'm hot shit, I've found out I'm cold diarrhea. Usually is the. Boom. Yeah.

Boom. Boom. It's like I'm with Dusty, man. I don't mean to Dusty. Holy shit. Well, bro. Yeah. Well, but the book is more of a journal.

Oh, so you are plugging them. It's empty. I'm not plugging the book. Oh, so you haven't written a book. You just. It's empty. Yes. You just make entries in a journal that you bought and then blank.

It says it says it's trying to. It's a workbook. Scott. Okay. It's a workbook. It's trying to help people encourage. I give it away for free. I'm not making any profit.

I'm not a profit here. Are you making copies or you just. I do my talks for free. So you're buying blank journals and then. I'm buying blank journals. Selling them to people. I scribble out the front. I scribble out whatever shits on there.

I write path journal on there. I stack them up. I have them outside my talks. Okay. I get my way for free. I have them on the cover. You doodle on the cover. Is that what it is?

Can I see one of these books? Yeah, sure. Here you go. Oh, that's gorgeous. Okay. This one. Okay. Here's a picture of a rainbow.

That's nice with two clouds. Yeah. I got rainbow two clouds. But then there's lightning bolts coming out of the bottom of the clouds. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's what causes rainbows rain. Yeah. Yeah.

Pretty crazy. When you think about it, huh? Rain actually causes rainbows. I mean, never really thought about that. Here's. Next time you're having a rough day, maybe think about that. You know, getting the tub and think like, hmm, shit, fucking, it's raining outside. And then we'll be like, you know, maybe a rainbow or two will come out of this.

I noticed on the, you've written your name down over and over here. Yeah. But it doesn't say Brooke Flagstaff. It says Brooke Patalingo? Who's, what is this? Okay. All right. Fuck.

Yeah. Uh-oh. You got me, Scott. Who's, what the fuck is this? Is this an ambush show? Are you? Yeah. Is that your real name or something you want to get married to?

Yeah. Okay. This is an ambush show. It's an ambush show. It's not an ambush show traditionally, but I just see Brooke Patalingo here written several times in cursive with like hearts above the eye. Well, that's my sweetie. Okay.

Oh, Brooke, you're, wait, so you're dating someone named Brooke? I'm also dating a Brooke Patalingo. You're also dating a Brooke Patalingo? Like, Brooke and Brooke together forever? That's right. Okay. I don't, my last name changes frequently. Why?

When I get married, I take on my wife's last name. Oh, okay. I don't believe in the... It's sexist to do the reverse. Yeah. To only do the reverse. Are you married again after your four marriages? Well, I'm working on it.

Oh, so you're just testing out the waters? I'm testing it out. I'm seeing how it feels. I don't know. I like Flagstaff. Well, I think Patalingo has a lot of connotations that I enjoy. In what way? Like, kind of like it.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Got it. So Brooke Patalingo, what does Brooke do? Does she work with animal control people? Yeah, she's in animal control. You gotta stop shitting where they eat. Well, it's just, I mean, this is how I meet these people.

Yeah. You know, I go... You have a lot of loose animals? Yeah. I'll, like, have something with the grandkids or whatever. And I'll have to go meet up with the ladies or, you know... You haven't explained this very well. I don't know what you mean.

You have something with the grandkids. Yeah. You have to meet up with the ladies. Yeah. Okay. Brooke is also their grandchild as well. What? Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, I see. Oh, okay. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. This guy needs somebody fill up a tub. Somebody fill up a tub.

Somebody explain to this guy how grandparents work. Holy shit. Well, gosh, Brooke... Can I get salts? Brooke Flags, Flagstaff. A.K.A. Patalingo. Perhaps to be.

Maybe. Maybe someday. Yeah. You buy a ring yet? You're going to get down on one knee? Or when's the fifth time? Is it just like, let's cut through the... You said it before.

Bullshit. Yeah. And just do this? I go bigger every time. Oh, wow. More and more. I go bigger every time. More and more extreme.

Sky riders. Yeah. I get sky riders and I know a shit ton of sky riders from my storm-chasing days. Really? Yeah. They're sky riding during a storm? Well, yeah. I mean, the best storm flyers, skies you like, you know...

It's a challenge for them. Yeah. They'll usually moonlight as sky riders. Right. That's just... That's just science. The market calls for it. Yeah, exactly.

They need the money. So, wow. It's sort of surprising that you don't know that, Scott. It is a bright... I mean, the things you learn on this show... I thought that was common knowledge. This is an educator. You are an educator.

This is an educational podcast. Yeah. Wow. Well, Brooke, Flagstaff, Ne Patalingo, at some point, some day. It's a pleasure knowing you. Can you stick around? Because we have to take a break and get to our next guest. You timed out the amount of time...

I actually do have to go, but I will come back and they can just edit me. How long do you want us to wait for you? Well, you guys go ahead. They'll edit me back in... Oh, okay. So, you recorded a whole bunch of... Yeah. I got a bunch of sides and...

Oh. Thank you. And just some drops. Yeah. Just figuring out where our conversations are going to go. Okay, great. So, I've been doing this for... The editing team is on it.

Can we hear one of these things? Yeah. Could you give us some drops of books? Oh, yeah. Let me just take out the old boombox. Okay. Wow. That's giant.

That's like a radio rakeem size from Do The Right Thing. Oh, yeah. I love Spike Lee joints. Yeah. Out of all the joints in the world. Guy loves a bath. Yeah. Does he really?

Spike, yeah. Spike, he's always asking me, we're buddies. He's always asking me about stuff. Yeah. We're buddies for bath buddies. He's like, you would have led with that. Oh, what am I going to name drop all the people I'm bath buddies with? Come on.

Please don't. Okay. Let's hear one of these drops. Oh, yeah. Wow. Wow. That's great. Wow.

Thanks. Wow. That was really good. I mean, that would fit in anywhere. You can put that anywhere, see? Yeah. Okay. So, you're just going to leave the boombox here?

Yeah. I'm just going to leave the boombox here. And you want us to be in charge of the guys that are coming in? You guys can press it whenever you want. Okay. I hate to be in charge of this. I'm happy to be in charge of it. I'm just afraid if Dusty comes in here.

Oh, God. What's my name? I hope, like, hell, Dusty didn't fuck around with my tapes at all. Okay. Well, we'll see. God, if there's some embarrassing shit that pops up, I am going to be so fucking mad. Okay. Well, I'm sure there won't be.

I'm sure Dusty's done his job, but it's very nice knowing you. I know you got to go, so I'll see. But we'll hear from you in the next segment. Okay. That is great. Yeah. It's a pleasure. Brooke Padalingo or Flagstaff, of course.

Great to meet you. We have to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have a record producer. This is exciting. I'm a music lover. BeanDip, you like music? I love music. Dough through dough?

I love dough through dough. Hip hop, jazz, or country, western. Yeah. Rock of all. All of the above 90s, 90s grunge, though. That's, uh, leave that to the other guy. So, so. Have your own white bobby.

Yeah. We'll be right back with more from BeanDip and a record producer. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang over this. Comedy bang bang. We're back here. We have BeanDip here. He's here with my, uh, special co-host and, uh, I hope you don't disappear for another six and a half months.

No, I plan to not disappear. So. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. But I mean, that's what the invisible man said. And then suddenly look at him.

He said that the magic shop would like, if you have some people you want to kill, take this paper. Yeah. Exactly. Well, we just got a lot of the choice on. Instincts are hard. We really do. And of course, uh, well, we just heard from Brooke Flagstaff, uh, he's not here, but, uh,

I'd notice you pressed the button. I did. Well, here's one more from her. It is sunny. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It is today.

Well, I mean, it's California in the, uh, in, in, in May. It's not that, uh, hard to figure out. It would be sunny, but we do need to get to our next guest, a record producer. Very exciting. Uh, I don't have, uh, any information other than that about what records, uh, they've produced. Okay. Well, we'll just go with it.

Uh, please welcome to the show for the first time. Jack Persimmons. Hello, Scott. It's me, Jack Persimmons. Oh, good. Your producer extraordinaire. Happy to be here with you on terrestrial radio. Well, it's a pot.

Well, anyway. Well, I think I, it's a microphone. I'm talking into it. It might as well be terrestrial radio. Jack Persimmons. Jack Persimmons. Jack Persimmons is the name and records is the game. I'm in the game.

I'm playing the game. I'm playing to win. I'm a record producer. Okay. You have a very melodious voice that sounds like a radio personality voice, but you're a record producer. I'm a record producer. I'm behind the scenes.

But you have that stereotypical DJ voice. I don't know what you're talking about. This is the voice I have. It's the voice of an old media person. I see. It's just how we spoke when I was producing records. Oh, really? Yes.

That's right. This is just a common cadence that men of a certain age have when they were... How old are you? How old are you? Well, let's see. I was born in 1942. Oh, wow. Okay.

So 80 years old. 80 years old. 80 years young. I like to say. Has anyone ever said that before? 80 years young. I don't think so. I've never heard of that.

Write that down. Yeah. What do you think, Brooke? That's great. Okay. I like this Brooke guy. Yeah. Well...

Brooke's got a hell of a person out there. No, that's a boom box, actually. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I need to have my glasses on. Yeah. The speakers, you thought those were eyes? I did.

Yeah. Let me put out my old horn rim Ray Bands. Oh, yes, I see. Yeah. Prescription Ray Bands. Yes. You never wore prescription sunglasses indoors, Scott? You've clearly never produced a record.

Well, wonderful. This is Bean Dip, by the way. Hello, Bean Dip. Hi, everyone. She's a person. Bean Dip has a wild energy that I really respond to, but I'm not ready for. You know what I mean? I think you're up because I'm about to sit closer to you.

I welcome it. That's just the kind of behavior we enjoy in the recording industry. When you were a little baby, did you talk like that, too? Yes. There are... Say goo and ga for us. Goo goo ga ga. I'm a baby on terrestrial reef.

Wow. Wow, I love it. I can listen to this guy talk all day. That's right. Unfortunately, we don't have all day to listen to you. No, but as you said, I'll have as... Well, you said I'd have as much time as Brooke took, so I'll be doing about an hour and a half.

That seems like a slightly... Hey, Brooke, you have any rejoinder to that? Well, you know, you can bathe just about anywhere. See, he said that he was going to actually... He was good at figuring out where our conversation is. I thought that was dead on. That turned me into a writer. Anyway, I'll do about an hour and a half, then I'll have my editing team from my recording

studio. So, you got some quibbles with how the previous segment... No, no, no. No, I'm just saying... Was it tough waiting to come on the show? Not at all, Scott. I understand the realities. I just want to let you know I'm also going to be taking my time.

Okay. I'm not rushing you. Rush all you want, Scott. You set the tempo, all right? It's your studio. That's how I used to do it. Right. Oh, really?

So, you used to have a studio? I used to have a studio. I'm the CEO and founder. Tell us about your record producer. I would love to. I just wanted to get that question. No, that's great. You know, I didn't expect to be talking about that today, but let's talk.

That wasn't really a question. It was more of a declarative command. And I'm happy to follow in your command. Tell us. I started Tone Deaf Records in Chattanooga, Tennessee in the year 1965. And was that Tone Deaf, like, deaf DEF? Absolutely not. No way would I spell a word differently than God intended.

Oh, okay. So, you think all words that are in the dictionary... Well, by God. Wow. I have no reason to believe otherwise. Okay. Okay. So, this is Tone Deaf.

It's such a strange name for a record label. How do you... Well, Tone Deaf usually implies that the person singing can't figure out the pitch they're supposed to be singing in is wildly off-base. Huh. Which, if you're playing baseball, being wildly off-base, it's fine if you're rounding the bases, coming towards home. But I'm not playing baseball.

But if you're just, like, running out into the outfield, you know, it's like, it's like, dude, just, you know, keep it on the... keep it in the infield, right? Huh. Okay. That's right. Well, Brooke says that's right. I'm going to take the note. I'm going to maybe think about changing the old name there.

Oh, I mean, I'm sure you... I just put together two words that sounded hip. You know, that was one of my goals. Tone Deaf Records. Tone Deaf Records. You know, we produced Rhythm and Blues and Soul Music Records. Oh, really? Yes, we did.

And some of the biggest names... Where were you based? Chattanooga, Tennessee. Chattanooga, Tennessee. Chattanooga, Tennessee. Lovely part of the country. Beautiful. All the time.

I have a couple of properties there. Do you really? Wow. A couple. A couple. You know the place with the red door? Oh, yes. I do.

Yes. That's fine. It's got a bit of a reputation around town, you know. Party house. Party house and Chattanooga. Was it really a party house in Chattanooga? Party house in Chattanooga. Ha, ha, ha.

Correct. All right. What bands were you... Well, some of the biggest names in soul music came through the doors of my studio. Aretha Franklin. Really? Aretha Franklin recorded for Tone Deaf? I thought that she was with Atlantic and...

That's correct because I turned her down. Oh. I turned all of them down. No. No, Ray Charles. Aretha Franklin. Ray Charles turned him down. Stevie Wonder turned him down.

Sam Cooke? Sam Cooke, get the hell out of my office. No, you said that to Sam Cooke? I said it to Sam and he was dead soon after. To be honest, he's confusing because it's like he should be Sam's singer. That was one of many notes I had for it. I said, Sam, lose the cook. You're a singer, my man.

People are confused. They buy your record. It's in the shape of like a pizza. They assume you're cooked it. That's the end point. People are breaking their teeth. They go, what the hell? Am I supposed to eat this?

I go, no. Sam, we need people to put records on turntables, not in their mouths. We've all eaten records. Wow. We got it right. We're kidding. The post. Incredible.

And by the way, Bean Dip, great timing on hitting that button. Beautiful timing. I love it when a plan comes together. Yeah, Hannibal. That's great. Well, you see, I turned... Never say that movie, Hannibal. Hannibal?

Ended crazy where he cuts off the top of someone's head and then eats his brain. I'm not ready to see a movie like that. That doesn't sound acceptable. You want to work up to it? Yeah, maybe. Maybe not. Okay, maybe something like a lesser of... What's in between?

Maybe... Put a lot of grease. Grease. Grease. They ride off in a flying car at the end. It kind of acclimates you to be like... I don't know if I'm ready for that either, but we'll fly that. And that sort of gets to...

Dusty, what are you doing? Are you recording this? Shit. Shut up! What are you doing, man? Drive the van! So Dusty's surreptitiously recording all this stuff? Dusty just rolling tape at any time in the van.

Did you ever do that? Just roll tape? Sometimes I just roll tape on an empty studio to try to capture that. So you had no artists? Well, I had some artists, but the reason I turned them all down was for one simple reason. And this is what I told all these artists. I said, I looked them dead in the eye. And I said, white kids aren't ready to listen to this kind of music.

Okay, I mean, it's rhythmic. It's got a driving beat. It's infectious. It makes you want to dance. Who's going to buy this record? Okay? Yeah. So that's how I turned them away.

I just said, you know what? Let's stick with the old, okay? Let's go with the tried and true. And so what kind of records did you actually make? Well, I had a stable of very interesting artists. I had a group called the Harmonicats. The Harmonicats? That's a good name.

Yes. That's right. It's a real band of three white men who all played different sized harmonicas. Different size. Different size. They play the Chromatic harmonica. What is the purpose of the different sizes? Or was it just novelty?

More holes, more notes in a larger harmonica. That's the truth. Interesting. They would play things like John Philip Sousa marches with a harmonica. That actually sounds good. That's the kind of music white kids were ready to listen to. My ex-wife had to capture a harmonica. That's eerie, actually.

That is unbelievable. Yeah. But it's true. The Harmonicats were known for getting loose around town and rooting through people's trash. The human beings of Harmonica? The Harmonicats. They were already a bunch of sponge. Eventually I had to cut them from the label.

I said, you know what? People aren't ready to have you run into their backyards. You seemed like you thought you had your finger on the pulse of what people were ready for. I know I did. You were 100% wrong on everything? You know, I think I'm right. Maybe not the rooting through people's trash. Sure.

People weren't ready for that. People weren't ready for that. But history thinks I'm wrong about the music. I've actually appeared in most music biopics ever made. Really? Yeah, I'm in the first 30 minutes. It's a character based on me. And it's someone who, like me, wears it.

Some uptight piece of shit. That's right. Well, hey, watch yourself. Okay. I'm not a piece of shit. I'm actually, I'm not even ready to hear that about myself. But you're a nice fella. I'm a nice fella.

Some uptight nice fella. I'm in a gray suit. I've got my ray bands on and a tie clip that is aggressive. And I get right at their faces and I say, Ray Charles, white kids aren't ready to listen to this music. Right. And then you walk out of the room, make some sort of edict or ultimatum or something. You'll never work in show business. As sure as my name is Jack Percived.

So you were in what? Ray. Ray. You were in the Aretha Franklin Biopic that just came out. Respect. Respect, yeah. Respect, yeah. What was the James Brown one that?

Get on up. Get on up. That's right. I was in that piece of shit. What about? Let's see. What else? How about?

I can't think of any. I wonder what he's talking about. He could be talking, maybe he's thinking of Storms. He can't think of any Storms. He's surprised he was Storms. Yeah, that would be wild. Yeah. That would be crazy.

He loved him. No, but yeah, so I turned all these musical artists down and you know what? I don't regret a thing. You don't regret a thing? I don't regret a thing. Sure, I could have had the glitz and glamour of signing a Ray Charles and being an actual successful. I mean, this is why people get into the record business is to sell a lot of units. Not me.

I got into it to protect the listening ears of the American public. So you were a gatekeeper. I was a bit of a gatekeeper, right? I understood what people wanted to hear. And let me be perfectly clear. It's not that I think white kids shouldn't have been listening to this music. It's beautiful. Right.

You were a fan. Still the best music I've ever heard. Straight out of Compton. He's just asking for directions. No, that is what, the Paul Giamatti's character is loosely based on some of my behaviors. Jerry Heller? Yes. Something like that.

Yes. I was briefly producing NWA for an afternoon. Really? For one afternoon. One afternoon? Yeah. I said yes because too many... You didn't know what it stood for?

I had no idea. Let me assure the listening public I had no idea what it stood for. What did you think it stood for? Well, first, I was very... Nice. Nice. White. White.

Award winners. That's right. Nice white award winners. Yeah. And then it turned out it was... I'll tell you what upset me the most. The attitude. It was just entirely too much attitude.

Yeah. I couldn't handle it. You know, and so that's why I said, you know, and I'm going to have to quit. Why don't you get a guy with a long ponytail in here. He can finish the record for you. Yeah. And they did, you know. Wow.

But so let me be clear. It's not that they shouldn't... White kids shouldn't listen to this music. It's that they are physically not ready to hear it. Right. They will hurt themselves. But they were ready. They made all of these records very pop.

I think you'll find if you look at the medical statistics in the 1960s. Really? That many white teenagers were shattering hips. No. They tried to gyrate to the music. Were they getting like CTE from... They were getting severe CTE from a reckless combination of gospel and rhythm and blues. Okay.

And so I wanted to produce records that would keep them rigidly straight. Okay. Right. And this is why I... Maybe tapping the toe here and there. We had one of the best toe tappers in the business. Really? Who is this?

Johnny Feldspar. Johnny could tap his toe with such a lack of syncopation, you wouldn't feel an ounce of rhythm. Wow. You would go, wow, this is like I'm listening to a metronome or something. This is incredible. And white kids were ready for that. They were ready for that. How many records did you sell?

Seven records. That's seven records. That's total? That's total worldwide, I should point out. So one in Japan. Really? Yeah. Interesting.

That's great. What's been your time for starting a business? How do you make money? How do I make money? I mean, or how do you eat food? How do you eat food and how do you make money? I eat food and make money the same way as everybody else, one fork full at a time. Sure.

But that I mean, I rob soup kitchens. What? No. I rob soup kitchens. I have a large, and I don't do it with a gun, I use a large barbecue fork. And I run at it, I say, give me all your goddamn money. With a large barbecue fork. What are those?

I mean, they're sharp. Those are intimidating. They're sharp as can be, Scott. Sure. And I run in and I say, give me all your money. Okay. And they'll give me money and also some soup. I would, yeah, I would think you would ask for the actual food because you can just

eliminate the middleman. I'm hungry as hell. The son of a bitch needs a soap. He's not wrong, folks. I need a soap. I know he's talking about someone else, but he's not wrong. He's not wrong. I mean, I have it bathed in months.

I don't have a... Months? Months. I don't have a home, per se. Oh, no. That's when she was growing up in the North. Really? Wow.

Yeah, man. You need to get to Nordstrom. I do need to get to Nordstrom. I'm trying to sell Nordstrom some of my records that they could play in their stores. You need to be like a consulting producer on a sitcom or something like that. Right. Sort of a... Just like a part-time job or something, just for...

That would be a wonderful fate. If any sitcom producers are listening, I would be happy to provide you with some of the most soulless, bland background music to get you from point A to point B. Jokes that have been on other shows. That's right. Sure. I'll use them. I have no ethics.

All right. I'll do it. I don't give a damn. That's got to hurt. Sure. We could use that. Did I do that? I think it's public domain at this point.

I heard one. It's like Mickey Mouse. Sure. It's all fake. Irkel is just like Mickey Mouse. It's a public domain. Yeah. He's right behind me, isn't he?

Oh, shit. Sure. That's a joke we could use. Do you think someone was attacking that? Someone might have been behind Brooke. I don't want to get a wellness check on Brooke. Can we check on Brooke? Let's check on Brooke.

Get a wellness check. And we'll edit out when we check for Brooke. Yeah. But that's why I tell you, I just signed a very exciting new artist. Oh. So you're still in the biz? I am still trying to produce in the biz. I just signed a player piano I saw on a Western once.

Really? Wait. Did she saw it on an old Western? I signed an old Western real. Bravo. Tracked it down? I found the original player piano. Where was it?

Working out of a dive bar in Sedona, Arizona. I said, how would you like to be in the record business? You were talking to the piano. I did. I walked over to the... You realized that it's a mechanical thing. It's not like Scott alive. That's your opinion.

But this... I'm sorry, both sides. Both sides on this issue. This piano had so much soul. More soul than even I was ready for. I was sitting at the bar. I had to drink about 16 Jack and Cokes to site myself there. How many do you normally...

Normally, I capped at 12. Okay. I capped at a smooth Jimmy Fallon 12. Sure, yeah. A J-F-D. That's right. It doesn't. But this time, I had to go for it.

I had 16 Jack and Cokes. Wow. I threw up into my suit jacket. And I walked over. In the inside pocket? That's an inside pocket. Corner pocket. That's where I hit the eight ball there.

And I walked up to the player piano and I said, I leaned on it hard. I said, how would you like to be in the record business? And the next thing I knew, I was pushing that player piano out of the bar, being chased by the bar backs. That's... You have to go fast than with a piano. It's possible I was beaten within an inch of my life. Oh, okay.

That's why my left eye doesn't work. But they didn't want to push the piano back in? Yeah. Well, and I begged and pleaded and I was covered in my own blood and tears and spit it. I said, please let me have it. Let me have the player piano. I haven't had a record in years. So they went, oh, this guy's got a mental illness.

Took pity on you. Yeah, okay. Left me alone. I took that beautiful player piano and I recorded all two songs that did do how to play over and over again. You can buy new roles for those. Can you? Let me write this down.

Okay. Hey, there's no way to cry in the tub. Now, that's just good advice. That's not specific. Maybe if I'd been in a tub, I could have signed more. Put the piano in the tub. Put the piano in the tub. She puts the piano in the tub.

Okay. Now, what's that reference to? The aforementioned animal prequel. No, thank you. Okay. White kids aren't ready to watch that kind of movie. All right. It's violent and intense.

Very concerned about white kids. I feel like white kids were too overprotective. That's a fascination. Grunting? Just a grunt. Okay. Just a throat clear. I'll tell you exactly what my fascination with white kids is.

I've got four beautiful white boys of my own. Okay. I don't say it to say that they're beautiful because they're white. They're just happened to be white. They're beautiful boys. None of them are mine. Oh. They fell off a truck.

Right. And I took them. Wait, so you were on the freeway and behind a truck? That's exactly right. And four kids fell off? I was driving down the freeway. Just the other day. Just the other day.

Listening to the radio, incensed by all the syncopation I was hearing. Okay. And then before I knew it, four beefy milk fed boys fell off the back of a truck. Like, like, Iowan corn fed looking. Corn fed boys. They just fell off the back of a truck.

They fell off the back of a truck. I jumped out of my car. I was nervous. You stopped. I would imagine. I stopped in the freeway. I was nervous to approach them. I had a quick 22.

You're on the freeway, by the way. You probably don't need to stop. I mean, I had to. You had to. I had to stop. I could have killed them. Yeah. I had a quick 22 Jack and Cokes.

And I sidled up to them, leaned on them hard. And I said, how would you like a dad in the record business? And did they say they wanted them? They were confused. I think they might have been suffering some severe head trauma. So I put some tape over the mouse, threw them in the back of the old El Dorado. And the next thing they knew, they woke up in the basement of my recording studio. I think you are ready for Hannibal.

I might be. The more I'm talking about it, the more I feel ready for anything at all. You seem like a Buffalo Bill type. Well, you know. I don't mean Dabney Coleman. God forbid. Let me ask you this. What's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Well, pick up your phone. He wants us to say pick up the phone. Dabney, I listened to the beautiful records I made. First thing. The first thing in the morning. I signed Kim Cattrall and her weird husband who played the stand-up bass. When they were doing the weird scatting. That is perfect music that white kids are ready for.

They wrote a book about oral sex, I believe. I wonder who he's talking about. They are not ready for that book. I don't think you have any other book about oral sex. That was the best. Yeah, that was the best one. I published a book about oral sex on my record label, actually. You did?

It was titled, Don't Worry About It. You Couldn't Handle It. Jack Percivence's Guide to Oral Sex. It was just a bunch of blank pages. And the record label published a book. The record label published a book because I said the records aren't moving. I've got all this paper for the fronts of the records. What about the backs?

The backs as well. It's a good point. Yeah. And so I said, go ahead and print my guide to oral sex. But it was just two pages. Just two pages blank saying, you know. Blank with a little bit of type at the front that said, just like, don't look into this. Yeah.

You can't do it. Because I asked my boys. I said, boys, oral sex. Could you handle it? Oh, yeah. At that point they'd been living. They'd be very frightened of you. They were stranger asking them.

They were terrified. Are they still in the basement? As far as I know, they're still in the basement. Yes, yes. They're, you know, they're beautiful boys. Okay. I wish you'd stop saying it. They're beautiful boys.

They're my beautiful sons. My beautiful sons. Sometimes I'll play them the music of the day just to see, like, can you handle this? Right. And they'll often react in such a shocking way. They'll ride about and scream and wail and gnash their teeth. And I'll go, okay, that's enough Lauren Hill for the day. You know what I mean?

This is, you can't handle this. Pretty freaky stuff, Jack. Thank you, Brooke. I'll say. I think it might be that the sound levels are too loud at the basement. I think they're just reacting to the... No, I think, I don't know. They might be reacting to the fact that you're holding them in a basement.

Yeah, hostage. I keep hearing this. This is what everybody's telling me. Other people have said this to you? Many other people have said this to me. You know, Kim Cattrall said this to me when she came into record. Really? In between scats?

Yeah, in between scats and reading poems. She would say, what's that screaming coming from the basement? And I said, you're not ready for that. Okay, Kim, why don't you stick to what you do best? Weirdly reciting half-remembered poems while your husband slaps the bass. Did she respond well to that condescension? You know what? That's actually the secret sauce that she thrives on.

That's what Sarah and Jessica Parker and the rest of the gang never understood. Really? They never understood that she wants to be negged. That's right. She wants to be hard-negged, put her down, okay? As soon as she walked in the door, I said, huh, I thought you'd be prettier. And that got her right in the headspace to record. She couldn't have been more excited to get in front of that microphone.

That's a technique I'll use on a lot of my artists, you know? I would do that with the harmonic hats. I would say, like, you boys are dumber than a bag of harmonicas. Oh, and they go, we just happen to have one right here. Right, and then I'd, you know, beat them with the bag of harmonicas. Whoa, doesn't leave any bruises. That's right, that's a technique I avoid. That's in my guide to beating people and not leaving a bruise.

Oh, does that one have a lot of pages? That one has lots of pages. Lots of pages of that one. Yes, plenty. It's available now at no bookstores. No bookstores. Yeah, I wouldn't think so. It's sort of shocking that this is the Siam guy who wasn't sure if he could handle the

car flying away. Yeah, I know. This guy's a real weirdo. Well, you know, there's one secret to the record business that is also a secret to living a haunting double life, compartmentalization. If you put it in a box, you don't have to look directly at the horrors of your own personality. That's like, you know, if you have a bunch of dirty clothes in your bedroom lying on the floor, put them in a hamper, you don't have to think about it anymore.

That's a good idea. I'm going to write that down. Or stop going in your bedroom. Yeah, or if you have a lot of water in your bathroom, put it in the tub. Yeah. Take a soak. There you go. I don't know about that.

Okay, Brooke. No, well, hey. His whole thesis. Brooke knows best. I'll refer to him. Okay. Oh, shit, that's a V5. Swerve the car.

Oh, no. He's worried about hitting a faster car. Worried about the amount of cylinders in the car that might be colliding into his own. What a fascinating life. What an interesting guy. Wow. Well, speaking of interesting guys, Jack, you're an interesting guy. I hope so.

And I appreciate you dropping by, but we're running out of time. Would it surprise you to learn? Has it been an hour and a half already? It has. Unbelievable. The good boys have whittled this down to just the salient points. Hey, I'm back. Sorry.

Oh, hey. Hey. Hey, Brooke. Yeah, I'll pick back up. I don't mind me. Oh, yeah. Could you clue us in? Whatever happened to the guy with the V8 or the V6?

V5. V5? Yeah. Oh, V5 Storm, the finger of God? Oh, it's the category of Storm. We were all wrong. Were you guys talking about that? We thought it was like a fast car coming towards you.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that did happen once. The car with the V5 engine just fucking came up on me. That's right. Okay. Scared the hell out of me. And Dusty was behind the wheel dumb bastard.

So what happened? Well. Do we have time? I mean, I hate to take away from your time. No, let's go another couple hours and we'll whittle down whatever we need to. By the way, could the editors cut out all the times I said white kids? I don't think I know. They were shaking their heads.

Because it got a reaction in the room that was not the best. Well, you know. My bad. Sounds like I missed a good one. Well, who knows who could say at this point, but we are running out of time. We just actually have one final feature on the show and that is a little something called plugs. So. A grand dive.

Hyperbole. Hyperbole. Ballyhoo. Oh, okay. That was Ballyhoo by Grizzle. Ballyhoo by Grizzle. I was not ready to hear that. Yeah.

Disgusting. Yeah, you didn't like that. No. Thank you to Grizzle for that. If you have your plugs themed, send them on in. What do we want? You know what I'm saying? When I say that, what do we want to plug?

Being dip, obviously you have so much going on, but if we could whittle it down to just like a few things, what do you want to plug here? I would say everybody should watch Bob Connolly on White Lotus. Yeah. Whatever the voice short show is. Whatever it was. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. And if you'd like to watch the TV shows, watch.

You mentioned Nicole Kidman was on it from those AMC things where she's like heartbreak happens here and we feel good about it. I think so. She's like a cult lady. Yeah. Yeah. The cult of movie AMC movies. Yeah. Oh yeah.

She also introduces all that old movies. Yeah. She does it live in person a lot of times. Wow. She gives people a thrill. Like she comes out. Like that commercial starts playing and then she comes. It's like when you see like the Marvel guys, you know, like going around like Robert Downey Jr.

Introducing Endgame or whatever. Everyone freaks out when Nicole Kidman comes to say, look, watch this Black and White movie. Yeah, exactly. I introduce all the movies at the Chattanooga AMC. Do you really? I do. Okay. You can, yeah.

You all right? What's going on? Sorry, I just got too much jack in the back of the room. Well, that voice must be very hard to maintain. So smooth. Can't believe I picked it. Hey, I say that about my voice every day. It's like, boy, when I was three years old, this is the one I chose.

Boy, what else is out there? If people like watching things, they should go watch a show called The Wise's Jamstones, HBO Max. Yeah, that's a good show. What do you like about it? I just like, people seem to be having fun. That's what I like in a show is people having fun, you know what I mean? People seem like to have fun. Yeah, it's good.

Yeah. All right. Hey, Jack, you're back. Do you have anything to plug here? Are you mean me, Brooke? Yeah. We'll fix it. We'll fix it.

We'll fix it. I'll get the boys on it. I'll get my boys on it, my beautiful boys. They'll edit that out. Please don't bring them around. Well, we're bringing them around and I'll, you know, get the authorities out. You almost got me to let them go, Scott. I never will.

Okay. I hate to be responsible for that. Well, I mean, really, the only thing I want to plug is Good Baby to each and every one of you. Your whole thing. Yeah. I mean, that's a big part of my life is the beauty. I mean, I got that. Jack.

Yeah. Koffing up along. I'm like, get this guy in a tub. Seriously. I ain't even. I took a trip to the doctor. I went to the doctor. It was a freaking nightmare.

That's not good to establish. Yeah, we won't get involved. We edited that out. Okay. We edited that out. It doesn't matter. Okay. So, oh, I've been listening to the Action Boys podcast on Patreon.

Really? Man, I've heard that. Man, they're covering some crazy movies. What are they doing these days? They're talking about a bunch of old action movies that from like the 80s and 90s, maybe even stuff like Twister, which is fresh in somebody's brain. Right. Why they were thinking about Storm Chaser.

Interesting. Interesting. And how do people get to that? Oh, you can find it on Patreon.com, Action Boys with a Z. Okay. We want to look it up. And the other Jack. What?

That's me. Jack Prime. Yeah, Jack Prime. That's right. That's right. Jack Prime Persimmons. Records is the game. I'm playing the game.

I've lost the game. I have no money. I never sold a record. Seven records. Anyway, if people like Entertainment that's bland, inoffensive, and generally soft, they could listen to the podcast firsthand. What is that now? I think I've heard about that.

Yes, it's a wonderful podcast where Devin Field and Greg Galant, two beautiful boys, they're television writers. You said the thing about beautiful boys. Well, when I see beauty, I talk about it. They host a fun podcast where they talk to people who witnessed important events in history firsthand. Oh, interesting. Isn't that a beautiful title for that joke?

What's it called again? First Hand. First Hand. First Hand. Okay. And Greg Galant, you say. Greg Galant and Devin Field. And Devin Field.

I love Devin Field and how could you not? I mean, this guy is milk toast. You could go to Paramount Plus and check out his comedy central presents half hour stand-up special. That's right. It is incredibly boring. And they chopped anything out that was remotely edgy. But I'm sure the interface for Paramount Plus is just very smooth.

Beautiful. Absolutely seamless. Sure. You can get to the Star Trek stuff you want to see really easily. I find the easiest way is go to the search bar, search Viacom. That'll take you to a big drop down menu of anything and everything you might want to see. Okay, yeah.

Interesting. Well, gosh, I want to plug, first of all, CBBworld.com. We have some great shows out there. A lot of good CBB presents. Some good Scott Hasen scenes that we've been doing lately. We did Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Major Pain. And we have some good movies coming up. But also, God, I got to plug the CBB tour.

We are announcing the dates today and we are putting the tickets on sale this week. That's right. Let me announce these dates. August 1st in Minneapolis. Then we go to Madison, Chicago, St. Louis, San Antonio, Austin, Houston, San Francisco, Portland, Vancouver, Seattle, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Charlotte, Washington, D.C., Brooklyn, Boston, Providence, Rhode Island, Portland, Maine, Cleveland, Ohio, Detroit, and Toronto. All of those dates go on sale this week.

Wednesday's the presale. And by the way, let me tell you the password for the presale is oh no. That's just one word, OHNO. Those will go on sale Wednesday and regular tickets go on sale Friday. These are going to be some great shows. This is myself, Paul if Tompkins, and the CBB All Stars. We're going to be switching up the line-ups for the dates. Come out and see us.

We're very excited about seeing you. And the LA show, by the way, is a CBB World exclusive show, special event, where we will have three shows from the CBB World Universe will be opening up for us. So that's going to be an incredible night. So yeah, come on out. Tickets on sale Friday and Wednesday is the presale with the password OHNO. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Take one hand, put it out.

Take one hand, put it down. Gonna make a box. It's time to start to close it. But don't close it. Open up the plug bag. Open up the plug bag. Open up the plug bag. Open up the plug bag.

Open up your heart. Open up the plug. Yeah, that was closing up the plug bag. Parentheses Jamie Lynn Drum Machine Mix and Parentheses by Xpats with a hyphen after the X. Before the P, thank you so much to Xpats. And speaking of thank you, I got to thank BeanDip right over here. Bring it at home here. Stay the entire time.

Yeah, thanks for having me, Scott. I had a blast with a capitol bee. Yeah, what? I had a blast with a capitol bee. Oh, he said the canoply. And look, Jack, what more needs to be said. You're 80 years old. You're on your last legs.

You've been a failure your entire life. And I'll see you next week. Okay, see you then. And then Brooke, I forgot what name. What name did you want? Brooke Flagstaff? Well, sir, but what name? Oh, for my future girlfriend.

I can't remember any one. You know what? Vida Laico, I think. Vida Laico. Vida Laico. Vida Laico. It did sound like tundalingus, I believe. Oh, yeah, papalinga.

I can't remember, but... Felicio, something. Papadapalus. But, Brooke, it's great to have you here. And continued success with your showering. We're in a drought, so... Yeah, we shouldn't be showering. Just keep those tubs full.

Every day. Every day. Every day. You can recycle that water. Yeah. And you're going to be thanking me later. All right. Well, I do thank you.

It's great to have you. And why don't you play just one last thing on the drops here and see what was next? Okay, I'll just hit play. Well, damn, that sounds great. No. Hey. Dusty?

Oh, no. What's going on? Put the gun down, man. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Hey, that's not cool. Oh, no. All right.

I don't like joking like that. I'm not ready to hear this. Oh, no. Put it down, Dusty. Oh, no. What happens? Okay, I'm going to shut this off. I...

What happened? That was some sort of altercation with Dusty? Apparently. I can't even remember. He pranks me so much. You don't remember that? Well, it's one of like a billion. The guy's always armed.

He is? Yeah. He's armed to the teeth. What happened? That time? Yeah. I think he probably like shot at me. It's just a classic Dusty maneuver.

Hey, if you're shooting, you want to shoot at someone. Yeah, sometimes he'll shoot at himself. That's bad. His own feet? Yeah. Like in a Western? Oh, my ears burned out. They burned up?

Yeah, they out. Are you all right? I got to get out of here. All right, well, we all have to get out of here. We'll see you next time. Thanks, bye. Bye.