Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Gary Gulman, Dan Lippert, Dan O'Connor

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Stand-up comedian extraordinaire Gary Gulman joins Scott to talk about his new book “Misfit: Growing Up Awkward in the ’80s,” flat foods, and a full circle moment when he appeared on Late Night with guest host David Brenner. Then, legendary music producer Rick Rubin drops by to help Scott produce the podcast. Plus, playwright Ian Chiswick stops by to offer Scott a role in his new play.

I'll take a glass of milk, but hold the pulp. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Indeed, thank you so much to Kira Unmuted for that catchphrase submission. Kira Unmuted. Oh, is that like girl interrupted? Wonderful. Kira Unmuted.

You are a catchphrase superstar for the week. Unfortunately, I don't think it's gonna stick. I will be on the hunt next week for another one, but thanks so much to Kira for this week's. Welcome to the show. My name is Scott Ockerman and boy, we have a great one this week, even for a strike. We have a good one. We've had just terrible shows the past few weeks with podcasters. I mean, that's basically all who will agree to be on the show. But now we have a real life superstar on the show. Of course, come a little later,

we have a music producer, we also have a playwright. But we have a real life superstar here on the show. He's a stand-up comedian extraordinaire, which when you hear that word, usually it means they're extraordinary at it. And one of the best to ever do it, living or dead. And he's now an author as well. He has a book coming out this week called Growing Up Awkward.

Nope, sorry, Miss Fit Colan growing up awkward in the 80s. And we'll hear about his Miss Fit Colan in the 80s soon, but the book comes out this week. Please welcome him and let's welcome him to the prestigious one-timer club. Gary Goldman is here. Hello. Thank you. Thank you. It's an honor.

I've been a fan of the show for a long time. Oh, thank you so much. I've been a fan of you for a long time. Yeah, because I think it's a validation that I'm not some hack. That's right. No, you're not. Right? You sell them. I've had my share of hacks on this show. But it's not the rule to have to have... It's the exception. Yes.

Loudmouthed hacks. No, but I've been a fan of yours since the last comic standing day. Oh wow. When I first became aware of your work. Oh, thank you. Where you won several keys to the house. I did. Hahaha.

Yes. And I loved your special, the great depression. Oh, thanks for what was about approximately, I'm going to guess approximately four years ago. Yeah, exactly four years ago, October of 2019. Really? So we're coming up on the four year anniversary. What are you doing to celebrate? I'm graduating.

Oh, really? graduating. Oh really? From depression? Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, I'm gonna walk and I'm gonna accept my full depression for years like all of this. Yes, every four years I graduate from something this year it's depression.

And one of the greatest standup comedians and now you also have... I like how you added living or dead. Like that, like it matters to the dead ones. Well, when you, you know, I would imagine before you die. What if I insisted on that? I always think what somebody says something nice. Imagine if I typed that up and said,

make sure you mention one of the greatest stand-ups living or dead. Yeah. I believe I bought my own birthday cake one year and I had the inscription to the greatest American citizen living or dad. Oh, I love that. Yeah, the people of Askin Robbins were very confused by,

but they did it because I paid them to. So it was an ice cream cake. Yes, it was. I've never enjoyed. Why is that? Do you like cake? I do like ice cream, and I love cake, but I like them separate, and I'll mix them but I just I love cake and also my mother never asked what I wanted for cake she would just get a cavel

Which is how they say it and God you know some covel ice cream and and it wasn't even of the the character ones it was it was not really what a whale or anything. It was just a flat plane flat. Yeah It's just a flat sheet and it would say happy birthday Gary on it, but that's not it's not clever. It should have been to a whale of Do you feel that's where you got your predilection for flat Foods leaving every food flat I wonder I think that's like some sort of weird obsessive compulsion. I related to that to when I thought about that right at the carton of ice cream.

Why would I would you got to me you would eat you'd say I'm only going to eat half. Yeah, but then I had to leave a flat surface. A flat surface. Yeah. Yeah, as if it was asphalt or something. Right. There was an aesthetics to what I was putting back in the freezer. Yeah. And I thought about to what I was putting back in the freezer. Yeah. And I thought about that because I feel like I have the same thing. Sometimes where it's like, okay, well, I can't leave this choppy. You got to like, you know, as much as you can't like, but I'm doing it in the pint. No, I think I was doing it in the pint. You were doing one of the square thrifties boxes. I mean, I had a policy with the square thrifty boxes where I would, we frequently frequently get the

Neapolitan, which, Vantrox straw is my thing, it's called it. Yeah. Which you would, I would just eat one flavor and nodding into the next flavor and then sure. Strawberry was the real bastard child in my house, where everyone would kind of eat around the strawberry. Oh, yeah. Well, I found that strawberry was sort of the entree of the group. You would eat vanilla as an appetizer.

Strawberry was the entree and then chocolate was deserved. Yeah. And I was interested in this. You you and I are almost the exact same age. We were born a mere 12 days apart. Oh, no way. You're in July 5th. I'm July seconds. Oh, okay. I'm July 17.

17. That's why I need a mere 15 days of a mere 15 days of a multiple of five. Sure. Um, and so when I heard the title of this book, growing up awkward in the 80s, of course, with the added misfit colon right before that. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was intrigued because I feel like I'm going to relate a lot to what you have to say about

it. What exactly does the book cover? It covers, it was originally entitled K through 12, but you can't Google that and find anything associated with me. Yeah, so that would be you'd be very far down. Yeah, so we changed it to misfit, but it's basically a memoir from every great. I have what I Have come to find out as an unusual memory for the minutiae of kindergarten through

12th grade of names and phone numbers and really these events. And for various reasons, I would be amongst groups that I had really nothing in common with. So I repeated the first grade because despite the fact that and this is becoming petty because I'm 53 years old, but I always tell people when I, how I repeated the first grade, if they ever comes up, I say, but I was in the top reading group.

And for, which is so sad, it was so long ago. Stan by that that I was in the top reading group. My father insisted I repeat because he got it in his head that I would be a better athlete if I was older than everyone. Obviously, but also it would just destroy my self-esteem and make it It was due to to athletics, not that's what he claimed really yeah He thought I would have this great advantage But it was a disadvantage in every other aspect and also I wasn't even that into sports as a as a six-year-old

That couldn't give a shit, but right and also you had to you had to do one extra year I had to do more than anyone else did that couldn't give a shit. Right, and also, yeah, you had to do one extra year school than anyone else did. That wasn't even challenging the first go-through. And also, I was the tallest kid, the first time around, the second time, I just, you were a giant. I was a giant. It was really uncomfortable,

and the kids were not fully developed. There were a lot of kids who you could kind of see through their skin, they were so. Like, have you ever seen that, where you can see the veins and the and it's just it was and their heads were were way too out of portion for the. I don't know that we have the helmets back then that kind of shapes the heads. You know, you see a lot of kids out there now with the helmets and you're all. That's so interesting.

You know, can we can we get away with not getting the helmet. Yeah, they would just let these kids have these heads. They would eventually grow in too. But at the time, it was like that they looked like hammers. And not the cool kind of like MC hammers. Although a little like his haircut, because he had one of those asymmetrical haircuts, you remember, remember AC Hammer? That was that was his name.

And it was the MC hammer. And I think, yeah, I think he had the gumbee hair That's right. Yeah, which was a high top fade but on an angle right yeah like a pencil eraser that had been used on one side Exclusively. Yes Yes so So I didn't fit in that second time through first grade and then I started to heber school with a lot of people who were way more Jewish than I was, but also they were really well off.

And we were like these working class poor Jews that, that is so Jewish. That is so Jewish to you. Like they knew all the holidays. They knew their knowledge level. Yeah, I knew Passover and Hanukkah. And these kids were fluent in Porum, which I had never even heard kids were fluent in Porum,

which I had never even heard of. Porum, exactly. Porum is this weird combination of St. Patrick's Day and Halloween, but with all the joy removed because it's a Jewish holiday commemorating a near genocide, so it's associated with being nearly murdered in Persia. Right, it seems like a lot of the Jewish holidays are sort of about that.

A lot of them, there's not a single one where there's any kind of joy or, I mean, to a wish-vat, which is the Arbor Day of Jews. What is that? It's the 15th of Shvad, is what to a wish-vat means. But you celebrate, basically, I think it was just a movement to try and put more trees into Israel, so they, because it was a desert. To make it nicer? It was like an aesthetic holiday.

Yeah, it was an aesthetic. So I didn't fit in there, and then I started playing sports because I was very big, and I was just, I wasn't an intellectual, but I also wasn't a meathead. Right. Although I, you know, I, just being a fan of your work over the years, I feel like you're more of an intellectual than you, you think you were back then. I mean, you, yeah, one of the hallmarks of your work is you have such an incredible vocabulary and the writing of your, of your jokes. Well, I guess that's it. I loved to read. And because it's a loneliness thing. You know, you know, right?

Right. My friends, you have a lot of time to fill. So you didn't fit in with the jocks. Did you also not fit in with the other side of it? The moody kids? Yeah, because I didn't fit in with them because they were super intelligent and really smart and we're, I remember joining the chess club and that, I mean, they weren't bullying me, but they also weren't embracing me and I felt uncomfortable. How did you do in the chess club? I was terrible.

I remember this one kid and he was from, from Russia, which at that time in my life, I just assumed all everybody in Russia is really good at chess. And he had an accent, so I was just... That's intimidating. I mean, it's like a James Bond villain right there. And I remember him saying to me, I said, I don't really know how to begin, and he says, just get your pieces moving.

And I thought, there's no way that's good advice in chess. I've seen, there were thick books of opening moves in the chess club. And he's just telling me to get he's he's clowning me. Just get to a business moving. You always see those chess games. You're like someone moves out the first pawn and the opposing player just just shakes their head. It's like, I'm always afraid of you know, totally, totally.

And I remember memorizing this thing called the Rui Lopez defense, but it depended on the other person doing exactly what had been written in the thing. They never did any of that. They could probably see it coming, but it's just I was a man without a country. So you, I mean, it sounds to me like you're, like, you're a typical person,

you're just a mediocre at most things. Yes, yes, but in high school, compared to the other people in the high school, I was bigger and faster, so I kind of excelled at basketball and football. So I was able to stand out in that way. And then I, so I got a football scholarship to Boston College.

And then, and how, how soon did you give that up about a month in or? Oh, a month in was my first trip to a psychologist because I was like suicidal over the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the summer training camp. And why was that? That was because you suddenly felt the pressure of going up against bigger athletes

like in a bigger pool of... Yeah, they were the same size and speed as me. Only they had been playing football since they were six years old. And you were doing it as a lark and Scott offered a scholarship and said yeah okay I was doing it and and the the coach said he's got incredible potentially can jump really fast and jump really high what does that mean? I mean sorry I but I no Gary I bet I could jump faster than you I meant let's write okay let's jump right I meant jump really high but there was a thing

where they would where they would time you on how fast you were able to jump over these things really, really like getting across something, I can understand. But like just literally from, you know, being on the ground and not being on the ground. Yeah, but I could, I could, I was pretty good running and so when they would time in things, I would be faster than all the other guys.

Well, you have long legs, you're six, right? Yeah, and then they would time in things, I would be faster than all the other guys. But then they would, yeah, you're six six, right? Yeah, and then they would throw a football at me, and somebody would hit me, and I would drop it immediately. As if the whole thing is, as if dropping it was gonna make them not have hit me. I should have just told, I should have just told onto it, but I was, I was spooked.

Get this away from me, yeah. And it just, it was very clear early on that I was overwhelmed. I lasted the entire season through the Spring Football game and then I went into the... Oh, you did really? So you actually played the entire... Yeah. I was a freshman, so they wouldn't, in most cases back then, they wouldn't let the freshman play, so they would get an extra year when they were bigger and older.

Right. So, but I just remember thinking there's no way I can withstand this for four years. And I made a couple of friends, but I was for the most part once again, a missfit. So did you give up the scholarship? I'm sorry to get drilled down. No, no, no, it's okay. So did they give up the scholarship or did you give up the scholarship? Or if you go see it, I the scholarship or if you go see it? I was wondering if you go see a psychiatrist and they say, oh, no, you do have depression.

Yeah. Can they not rest in the psych the scholarship because now you have a medical issue or what they absolutely could have rescinded the scholarship, but they were really generous. So they let you do the entire yeah,? Yeah, and I also think they thought eventually that the therapist would get through to me and I would come back and play football. That was always- And there would eventually be a movie based on you

and the therapist, but the relationship. But the therapist, I remember the therapist consulting with the coach and the therapist saying, there's a very good possibility that after I treat him for a while, he's never gonna wanna play football. Well, ideally, you send any football player to a therapist and by the end of it, they'll never wanna play football.

Yeah, it's an amazing thing to wanna do. Right, exactly. It's a sign of pathology that you're playing for. Yes. Yes. And then how do I know we'll get back to growing up 80s in awkward in the 80s, but how did you then get into comedy from being this sort of air such jock in Massachusetts? I mean, I know Massachusetts has such a huge comedy scene back then.

Yeah, Boston was a great scene. So I had gone to see it in high school, but way before that, I grew up in a house that really valued comedy and stand up in particular. So I remember even as a five or six year old, there would be a comedian. It was usually David Brenner who was on the Mike Douglas show or in Merv Griffon. My mother was with when you had know comedian comedian and I come running I gotta start yelling that yeah and anytime anyone comes on TV comedian comedian. Every time Lisa Gilroy is on one of her ads comedian she may have she may have said yeah yeah comedian and and I would come running and and just with the laugh we couldn't get over this this man who

was talking about things that we were doing in the in the house without thinking they were they were universal and and and so that that was sort of it was I mean I think a lot of comedians use it for a number of things self-medication and and to get attention and also as this kind of soothing presence, I would listen to the albums and later on my friends would make tapes of their albums and I would listen to them. So it was also a great way to get attention by repeating the jokes I had heard and doing basically ripping off Sarno live sketches and an SETV was, I really like Tessie TV better because I was convinced that nobody was watching

except me and my friends that it was just written for us and I found out that everybody thought the same thing. The first time I ever watched SETV I'm probably 10 or 11, it's on syndication. Yeah, here in LL and I was like, God, they're barely showing any of the show because there's so many commercials. I didn't realize any of the commercials were part of the show. Now it's true.

It's true. It was just just using show like that is easy to understand as SNL. Right, right. And once you suddenly get it, you're like, oh my God, this is so much more rewarding in a way. Totally, totally. Yeah, so I guess I would say I was before there was a term for it,

I was kind of a comedy nerd and that I was really into comedians. And I'm like, So how do you make the leap then too? I'm gonna try it in front of an actual audience. Well, I think that from the time I was six or seven, I thought if nothing else works in terms of sports or a career, and this is the ass backwards,

I'll fall back on comedy. I think I will. I think I will. That's my one marketable skill. Yeah, I can make me money. Yeah, and I'm not saying this to be funny. I just knew that the way I would get depressed frequently and be unable to function for more than a couple of hours a day,

I thought, well, that's all that is really required of a comedian as a couple of good hours a day and I'll be able to, because you would put on a smile for a couple of hours. I would put on a smile for a couple of hours and I would tell jokes. So I think always in the back of my mind and subconsciously I thought I want to, I want to try this and whenever growing up, whenever I would say something really funny, somebody either a friend or a friend, I remember I had my friend Billie's parents would, would over here things I would say and say Gary you're really funny We were in Vegas recently, and I I think you're as funny as I mean the people we saw in Vegas and not not realizing that that probably the Vegas comedians weren't

But to them yeah was the pinnacle of comedy so I I got encouragement that way and I thought well Maybe I'll there was there was such a great open Mic scene in Boston and I would I would occasionally hear people talk about doing open mics and I thought I'm Gonna try that someday and although they made it sound like your first open mic was was make or break like really Yeah, they maybe you'll get discovered but but then you realize after the first one, it's like, oh, you have to keep doing this over and over again. And luckily the first time it went fine. It was, in hindsight, probably terrible.

Terrible. But it was good enough to think, oh, that was a lot of fun, and I'll give it another shot. And then, did you have a dip in like, oh, this is going badly? Or were you pretty much just like, each time you got better, better, better? No, there were all kinds of dips and there would be months without laughs. And...

What do you attribute that to? Do you think it was like, oh, this is why now in hindsight, are you like, oh, because I wasn't connecting with what I oh, because I wasn't connecting with what I was writing or I wasn't like listening to the audience as much as they were listening to me? Oh, that's interesting. The whole thing I always think is that we have this business and it's the only instance that maybe I'm not thinking far enough, but that in order to practice it, you have to practice it in the

worst conditions possible. Like with baseball, you learn off a T. Whereas, a stand-up comedy, you learn in front of the most hostile audiences. There are, like, no open mics in baseball, like professional baseball. We're like, you have to go up in front of the entire stadium. Right. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

You start as a kid and you get a little bit better and they, and the competition, but right away, you're thrown to the wolves. You have to do it in front of a paying audience. Yeah, and frequently you are going on after a comedian who was like a legend in Boston, hosting the show, and then they'd bring on somebody nobody heard of for five minutes, and it was just, it it was really it was really hard It's weird that anyone actually ever continues doing it. Yes, you know, because like I I think everyone who's successful at it now Has had a terrible time of it early on so how does anyone keep going? It's a illusion. It's pathology

Yeah, the pathology of a football player. Yes, it's there's there's this delusion and and I It makes it very hard to watch the movie king of comedy because he's so deluded right and so committed But aren't we all when we first start we're terrible for the most part right and we think oh Someday someday people will pay me to do this thing that I'm awful at and show and show Really very very little Potential or or or any any kind of gift for this other than that I loved it and that's the thing that I always find when I when I see comedians early on in their career

I I think well that this person loves doing this and also has good taste in comedy. Sometimes that can be a predictor of how well they'll do. But I remember Ira Glass making this great point where he said, when we get into the arts, we have great taste and it drives us insane that we're unable to do anything that we find any good. I was once at a diner and the table next to me had a bunch of theater kids who were like 21 or something like that. And it just reminded me of when I was 21, they were sitting there bitching about everyone who was in the theater program with them and talking about how well,

they're not good. They're not. And you know, they're all bad at it too, just like incrementally better. Oh yeah, it just reminds you of like, when you're that young, you have like what you said, the taste of like, oh, this is the kind of stuff I like and the kind of stuff I want to do, but you have no skill at it yet. And yet you, it just somehow, you know,

keeps you going that sort of like desire to do it. I think the one thing, and can get this from from music and And other areas painting and things like that but but with sports I knew that I Stunk at basketball when I first started but the more I played I would get better incrementally very slowly And I thought well, why would this be different than then bass comedy? Why would that be different than basketball? So I just, so I just, right, these repetitions and I just, I, I, yeah, it's, it's gradually

and then all of a sudden you become bearable and then hopefully you have enough self-awareness to think. Now I still have to get better. I'm, I'm still really green at this. And you, I would imagine now you're in a place where you're still trying to become better or still trying to figure out new ideas of how to write. Yeah, that's the beauty of comedy

is that you can improve into here. I imagine 70s and then I'm sure. And then it's a drop. Yeah. What year did you start doing comedy? What was your first time? 1993, October 11th, 1993. Incredible.

And when do you think you got like fine at home, man? I guess maybe 1999, I mean, that's when I did my first TV appearance and I don't, I cringe, of course, when I... What was it? What show was that? I did the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and that I... I grew up and Jay Leno was great at stand-up comedy. One of the best back in the 80s, yeah. And then he took over the Tonight Show and he became very mainstream.

But he never touches this tonight show money. That's very important. I don't know if you've ever heard him mention that. What do you think he's done with it? Well, why does he think that it's any different from the money he's earned elsewhere? It's not that it's segregated in this huge, I always picture it in a huge vault. And there's tonight show money. Yeah, two separate piles.

And it's just, and it's not like he's out there going, here's something. I don't need it at all. My tonight show money to pull up people. No, he's still, it's just, and it's not like he's out there going, here's something, I don't need it at all. My tonight show money to poor people. No, he's in a vault. Exactly. He doesn't do anything with it. Exactly. And I also used to have mavis.

She used to have mavis. Maybe we'd travel with me and maybe we'd collect all the food from the green room and put it into top of where. And then she would sell it at the concession at the NBC commentary on Monday. So I don't touch that money either. Sweet, sweet, separate money for the business. There's maybe a sandwich business.

There's a tonight's show and then it is my road gigs. I'm sure my Leno is terrible, but anyhow, but then a couple weeks later, I got on David Letterman had a heart attack and David Brenner was guest hosting. Oh, what a thrill for you. The Letterman and he had me as his guest. The guy that used to watch.

The guy used to watch and it was so nice. You would met him then since then. Yeah, I'd met him. Yeah, we were working together at the ice house in Pasadena and like there's any other ice house. It's a great room. And yeah, and he took a liking to me. He had me on the show and it was incredible.

Wow. Yeah. So David Letterman having a heart attack is maybe the best thing ever happened. It was an interesting thing that happened to me, but, but no, it was terrible. Because I, I, man, did I love Letterman? Yeah. That was how you could connect with people in college, find your people.

What was that? You were watching the same age. Yeah. Yeah. Is that if they were watching Letterman? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For, I think people even like five or 10 years younger, it's Conan.

Right. That's how they connected. Yes, for people out of ages. So it was Letterman and then, I don't know if you ever got into this show called Get a Life on. Oh, yeah. Okay, so that was in like 1990 and that, to me, it's still there was at a stone of modern comedy.

Action family, you ever see action? Oh my gosh! And when he pretends he's FDR, what do you keep saying you do? The way. So, crazy, look it up. I'm sure it's all on YouTube now. I have a family and FDR.

Yeah, yeah, it is on YouTube. And as are all the Get a Life episodes, but for what of reason, it's not streaming, which is just the, so strange, the biggest travesty. Along with most of my work. But, you know, and so is the book, Miss Fit, Colin growing up, awkward in the 80s, is it, is it essay, is it where every chapter is kind of about a new subject,

or how exactly is the book for a day? It's about a new grade, But it's more of a... It's more of a... Yeah, 12? It's every grade in the main stories within every grade, but there's kind of a throughline from not the present, but the 2017 when I moved back in with my mom after being hospitalized for the Great Depression. If you check out Gary's, it's, I almost had movie,

but it's like a sort of a movie, the standard social documentary. The great depression, where you basically, I'll nutshell it for everyone, you were hiding your depression from everyone in your life for quite a long time, and then you were hospitalized in 2017. Yeah, I went nuts.

Yeah, legitimately crazy in the clinical sense. Yeah, I went nuts. Yeah, legitimately crazy in the clinical sense. Yeah. And you were hospitalized and you moved back in with your mother. Yeah. Yeah. And then started to talk about it on stage, which then led to this right, new phase of your career. Yeah, called monetizing my mental. monetizing my mental illness. And yeah, so I was 45 and living home with my mom and it brought about all these. I was intersecting with everybody I'd grown up with and all these places and events and you've been on the J Lennon show.

Like your big star. I would say I was a big star but I was making a decent living as a stand-up comedian, and the problem isn't it becomes clear in the book that my entire life I had thought if I would do something really good, I would feel good about myself, and nothing made me feel good about myself. I felt like a failure. So you do the, you do the, the J Lennon show and you're like, well, maybe if I do Letterman, maybe if I host. The tonight show or something,

but then you. But there's nothing ever. Nothing ever sinks in and nothing ever. And I'm used to happening to me in sports all the time. I would have a good game and then I would be totally panicked about what would happen if I didn't have a good game, the next game and I would just, I was constantly throwing up before games

and basketball and football. And it was just, just tripping about what could happen with it. Yeah, just so much anxiety, which is worse than depression, but they're equally debilitating. Right. Why were we talking about this?

Oh yeah, we were talking about the book. So chapter by chapter. Yeah, chapter by chapter. And there are very funny stories, but there are also traumatic events and the typical things that happen to people, but I have sort of, it's not photographic, but I can remember very specific details and smells and what people were wearing and specific.

I had this incredible ability to remember sentences that made me laugh or or else cringe. And one of my favorite ones was when I first went to Hebrew school, my mother who was in retrospect to self-hating Jew, she, she, there were all these kids running around the Hebrew, the temple, the synagogue. And it was for the labor. Thank you. Yeah, because before the, before school, Hebrew school started, there was a brief period where they were not in school. They were cooped up all day, and then they made the Jewish kids go to a more school. And so they were running around, and they were being allowed.

And I was like, oh yeah, it's like recess. But my mother was so put off by this. And I'll never forget that she said, look at the Jews. They're wild. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha put off by Jews, particularly their offspring. And I just, I didn't say it at the time because it would have been insane, but I kind of knew, oh, I'll never forget this sentence as long as I live. And there were a lot, there were a lot of things like that. So this, this book, when you're writing about your childhood, I think a lot of times when you read one of these memoirs, people are sort of approximating what they think might have happened.

You have the type of memory where you really remember a lot. I really remember, and over the years I've become kind of a Wikipedia for my neighborhood, high school people call me up and say, who did we have for this? And what was the number? There was this teacher who insisted you never answer in the form of a question. She would say, what's a 29 plus 8, for instance? If you said 37, she would say, tell! Don't ask, tell!

And so there was this other class where the teacher didn't give shit how you answered the questions, but this one kid was so nervous that he got the answer wrong. It was like, what's 28 and 8? And he said, 37, and then the teacher says, no, and he says, 37. And so my friends always call me and they say, what was the number? That the kid number? Yes. Yes. What was the number that the kid insisted? He had only gotten wrong because he had not answered in the form of a, of a, of a, what

of what are those call declarative? Yeah, declarative. He had made a declarative. What point do you stop taking these types of calls? That's like for me. I think when I hit 30, I'm like, all right guys, you gotta stop calling me. No, there's something about depression that makes you

nostalgic even for the bad times. Yeah. Well, I cannot wait to read this book. It's out this week and you're actually going on. September 19th. Yeah, you're going on a, they called it a book tour. Your people call it a book tour. Is it just a tour or is it?

Oh, it's a stand up tour. It's a stand up tour. That's what it looks like. You can get the book, but also, all right, so in 1994, oh my gosh, it might have been in late 1993. I bought a book by a comedian who is very relevant at the time, but has faded. No, do you remember the guy who played Jerry on the Seinfeld?

Jerry Seinfeld? Yes, that guy. Okay, so he put out a book. And I got three. And one of his best roles, I think. He reprised it on Kirby and Thuzy. Oh, that's right. Yes.

And it wasn't as good. No. So, yeah, so he put out this book called Sign Language. Sign Language, yes. And I had no money after college, like most post-college kids. But I spent money on this book because I loved the show's sign felt. Three pages in, I remember being an outrage, I said, it's just a fucking act he

charged me 26.95 for his act and and not as good because you like you're reading it yes and he's not reading it to you exactly and there were no audio there might have been audio but I didn't have a CD player to tell anyhow I bought the book and then I was outraged and this is how delusional I was I vowed I said well if I ever write a book and then I was outraged and this is how delusional I was. I vowed I said, well if I ever write a book and I was an open micro. I said if I ever write a book, I'm not just typing up my act. I wanted to write a book but not just type up my act, but then I also thought I can't just do jokes from the book on my stand up tour. So I had to write a whole bunch of things that were from the period of time covered in the book, my standup tour. So I had to write a whole bunch of things that were

from the period of time covered in the book, but that I didn't already tell in the book because I didn't want the people to read the book and be like, oh, he sold us this twice. Just like he complained about it. So it's a totally separate, yeah, it's a separate thing. It sort of augments the book or,

or I think it'll be a good ad for the book if people haven't bought it at the show They'll be like oh these stories really good. I I would like to buy the book. I love that you're thinking about that kind of stuff Because that that happened with a comedy bang bang book where I was like we can't just have people kind of transcribing their previous Bits that they've done right because I I thought of because I had the same experience with sign language and I think there was this other comedian who sort of faded from memory who played Bill on the Cosby show, who did the same thing and I bought the book from my father on Father's Day and he was again it was just the act and I was like I hate when people do this. Yes, it's infuriating And how did the publishers allow that?

Because that's the only way it gets the book made. Right. They're not going to sit there and write. I mean, you have the time to write a book, right? But Bill Cosby. He's too busy with this, doing stuff in his half hours. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Well, this is incredible. I got to read this book. It was not sent to me by your people. Oh, this is incredible. I gotta read this book. It was not sent to me by your people. Oh, really? Oh, that is a major faux pas now. Our next week's guest, I have their book right over there. I'm really sorry about that. Well, and I didn't bring you one.

I will rectify. Please write. Well, I would love to buy it though. Please don't feel like you have to rectify it. No, no. It's the least I can do. You have any over in your house and on your show. And you're a member of the prestigious One-timers club.

Ha, ha, ha. The book is called Misfit, Colin, Growing Up, Awkward in the 80s. Gary Goldman is here. Can you stick around for the entire show? We have an incredible show. I would love to, and thank you for asking. It's, what if you said no?

Well, here's the thing growing up. There was this thing where sometimes the guest on Carson would say that they had to leave for some reason. But I remember one time Steve Martin said he had to leave, but then he came back and he was like, I just thought it would sound good. And I thought it was the funniest thing I ever seen. All right, when we come back, we have a music producer. We also have a playwright. This is an incredible show. We'll have more, well, more from Gary Goldman. And more comedy bang bang, we'll be right back after this. Comedy bang bang, we're back, Gary Goman. The book is called Misfit Colin.

Growing up, awkward in the 80s. And does it end with graduation? A lot like the movie Jack with Robin Williams. It, it, the last part of the, the last part of the memoir is about graduation. But the last part of the book is kind of like a, a coda, they call it. Where you really talk about

where you are. You flash forward to the flash forward. Do you go into the future as well? No, no, no, the future is on written friend. Oh, yeah, so yeah, but you could you could have been the one to write it. That would have been like you wrote Asimov. Yeah, you wrote it and then it all came true. Oh my gosh, but aren't we all Cassandra's now? It's a good point. Who's Cassandra? Cassandra was the goddess or a goddess Jason or just a Greek who was she would she could see the future, but nobody would believe her. Oh, right. And I feel like roughly 51% of the country can see what's about to happen to our planet

and everybody else is like, that's not it. All right, we need to get to our next guest. He's a music producer. Do you like music? I love music and I'm kind of in awe because this ties in with my book and that he produced a lot of great things in the 80s. It's incredible.

I'm a big fan and we're going to welcome him to the prestigious One Timers Club. Please welcome for the first time he's produced such records as Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blood Sugar Sex Magic and Johnny Cash's American Recordings and other Red Hot Chili Peppers records along with a couple others along the way. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Rick Rubin. Hello, Rick. Hello, Scott Ockerman. Hi. And Lushenato Vagiri Goldman.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. And an easy fast. An easy fast roll. For Yari Kapoor. For you. Yeah. Rick, it's so wonderful to meet you. I apologize. Scott, do you mind doing a quick maybe 43 just breaths?

43 breaths? Deep breaths just to kind of. I'll do you more than that. I'll keep breathing all day and all night and probably for the rest of my life. Hopefully. Very good. The beautiful. That's beautiful. I love what you're doing with that. But just center ourselves. If we could just breathe in in silence with the moment here. Sure. Yeah. And then continue that sort of. I said of the breathing of the breathing time and the connection. How long do you want these breaths? You want them like,

let me give you an example. Is that long enough or well, that was half a breath. I would say you that's only half well, that's an interesting. It's interesting to come down the same page to define the things of which we discuss. Is a full breath in and out or is a breath just in, Scott Ockerman? That's it. Oh, you're right, because I kind of held it after I did it. Yes.

It was more like letting the air out of a balloon, but going inwards. Yeah. I guess you can't breathe again unless you breathe it out, but I would consider a breath to be just breathing in. Oh, okay. And Gary Goldman, how do you feel about this topic? Is a breath? So if someone's a take a breath, you would just go in and then until they said go ahead and release I would just keep it there like a vampire, but with breathing you need to be invited to breathe. You don't need to like and everything to another thing. Scott imagery is what makes the world go round.

I remember I was telling Anthony Kitas on Blood Sugar Sex Magic. You know, this album, what we're making right here, it's like a movie, but we're listening to it. And he thought that was beautiful. It was a movie you can hear. It's a lot like a comedian's act, but you're reading it. A lot like sign language.

This, I understood exactly what you meant there, Scott. Thank you for the connection and the imagery there. Right, right. So, how was that conversation with Anthony Ketus? Did he understand what you were saying? Or, generally, people don't receive what I'm saying, but they let it sit and they move on. As to not insult you.

I believe so, yes. But you know, Anthony was, it was a time in his life where it was hard to communicate with him. He required all of us to be in the studio nude with sock. And so I was in the butt. Wait, you had to do that too? Everybody in those days of the Red Hutch Elite Peppers, if you walked into studio, it would be nude with socks.

The caterer as well. The caterers, the valets, the... Wait, you guys have valets? The place you recorded. Oh, absolutely. I believe that for creativity, you have to know your car is in a safe protected spot. I would imagine you'd even put a sock on the tailpipe.

Yes, the tailpipe is the cock of the car. Is it really? I am entry wise, I mean, what else would it be? I guess it would be the butthole of the car for some people, but. And then where, and then maybe. The muffler would be the, but isn't it where it exhales? Yeah, I know.

Where the car exhales. But a penis exhales if you're lucky. Yeah, but I, yeah, I don't know, because there, there are really, how many holes does a car have? You have the tailpipe. Mm. You have, I guess the grill,

which is the teeth or the mouth of the car. Yes, the obvious mouth, the headlights or the eyes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, I'm just thinking about the movie cars right now in the light in the queen. I, and I'm thinking of the movie cars right now lighting the queen And I'm thinking of those beautiful cars with eyelashes that drive across the street You never see one of those or someone mods their card. Oh, oh Frequently their VW bugs. What say that frequently their VW bugs. Yes, as if the bug is a lady bug of some sort

But in an attractive one that you may want to have a conversation with and take out for a drink Yeah, have you ever asked a take out for a drink. Yeah. Have you ever asked a car out on a date? Several times, God, I'll go. Really? Absolutely. Rick Rubin. You don't say.

How was that received? Well, you know, quietly and interestingly. But I believe that we should be able to date whatever we feel a connection with on this earth. And that's where the creativity all comes from. Is everything is a living, breathing thing. Of course, it's hard to get to second, third, fourth base with the car when you don't know if you-

Easy to get to first, though. Absolutely. A smooth, comic girl. And you consider tongue first or can it be any kind of- Yeah, what's your definition of first? I would say fourth. That's very good. This is something I covered in my book. Oh, is it real? Yeah, there were two different scores of thought. First or can it be any kind of yeah, what's your definition of first? I would say oh Something I covered in my in my book. Yeah, there were two different scores of thought

I'm what yeah, I'm what first I remember being I don't know if you were this way or you or you Rick on Long Island Were you horrified when you found out about these bases? I was horrified. I had a Rhythm grade I first was kissing No, sorry home home plate when you're at bad. It's kissing. Yeah First is kissing second is kissing with tongue third is oh wow kissing with tongue and and Really meeting it Wow, and then fourth was who knows what happened man I went to got to fourth my second and third were very different really Really? From yours. In my neighborhood and school, second was touching the boob. Second.

Yes. And then third was, and I remember exactly where I was when Mark Framanyan told me this. He said, he made a motion down the pants of his own pants, but he was making it sound like it was a girl's pants. He said, down the pants. And I, the, how does he make it sound as if it was a girl's pants. It was the only sexy zip like Z. No, but the only solace I took was I thought, well, maybe it's over her underwear. That would be that would be gentlemanly at the very least. And then home home was the works.

He said the works really. What's the most amazing. works really. A sum was set. Pickles, oil vinegar, salt and pepper, Mike's wife. Mike, yeah, you got to get it, Mike's wife. Oh, yes, you've slid him to home, Mike's wife. So you haven't gotten anything up the tailpipe with any of these cars you've asked out? Well, no, because you must be polite on a date and at the end of the day, if you don't know if the tailpipe is consenting, or even what part of the body it is.

I mean, we can't even come to a review here of tailpipe is, but you suggested maybe Buffalo muffler was what we urinate out of. Well, I mean, every car has a tailpipe, so I think it has to be but now that I think about it. Okay, interesting. So yeah, unless cars are genderless, but there, I mean, if you watch the movie cars,

Lightning Queen is sort of male seeming, I guess, and was there a female car in that? There must have been a gender normative romance in that movie where lightning was, had somebody that was rooting for him. Female car persuasion. What would you imagine a female car to be? Of course, for me, a love bug is a female, which is why herbie fully loaded didn't work for me for a minute one. Right. Yeah. I think of Mazda, Miaocha. My cabriolet? A cabriolet, yes. Yes, because it's

French. Yeah. Anything French is sort of female, right? Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, a baggette, what I can't think of a more feminine image than a nice long female phallus and a little bag there, huh? Tell us about your your process. You're one of the excuse me Scott. I just feel a little disconnected Do you mind? I'm unearthed here. Do you mind if I put some dirt on the ground here? I kind of do I mean I just cleaned up. Oh, okay, you're already It's okay. This is of the earth. This is dirt just from the dirt. No, yeah, I know that dirt is of the earth. You've, you've, you've basically put it all over my floor. And of course, I have brought a very

ethically okay vacuum to bring it all up. And then I'll use this dirt later on. Okay, what's ethically okay about this particular vacuum? It's a it was affordable. I don't think that's the definition of it. And affordable to who? To me, yes. So it's the top of the line Dyson. It's the V9 Dyson. So you can disconnect it from itself and then it's a hand vacuum or you can put the little thing on and then you walk around the house with the Okay, you're not you're not here to sell vacuums, but it's really state of the art I will say that I we have a we have a dice and it's excellent. Oh, yes I in studio to keep it incredibly clean. It's all dicing for Rick Can I just follow up on one thing that I've noticed that I that I I love the reverence with which you see the

What I called us studio, but you call it studio. Oh, yeah It's it's almost the name. Yeah, and I so it's it's how I Almost think of it like is her name Shulia in that song Wait, you got to be more specific than that. Shulia. Are you talking about Susu studio? What do you say? Who Phil Collins? You thought it was Julia? Yes, I thought it was Julia. If I had been engineering that record or producing it, I would have made him really...

And then C.A. to exactly what it was. Because, of course, no... No, anyone who has thought it's Julia. No, it's so clearly Susu, Sudio. And even though it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I don't read title Scott I'm not trained in music. I just Feel and that song I'm feeling Shulia, which of course for those of us that do speak Hebrew. She shoole is diarrhea And I always thought that it was you thought the song was about diarrhea. I thought it was about a man who had diarrhea a man who had diarrhea

Yes, I mean that you could hear the singer and that's a gentleman singing the song, isn't it? Why would a man, such as Phil Collins, incredible hits to his name at this point? He's on a run, he's on a tear in the 80s, then suddenly turn in a hit single about diarrhea. Does that make sense to you, Rick? Nothing makes sense in art. That's the thing is, you know, he's off of Genesis. And of course, I didn't know it was Phil Collins who sang the song, you informed me of that. I could have maybe guessed based on the time.

So you don't read titles, you don't read artists, you just like, So I don't even know who I'm producing till they walk in the studio and tell me their name. When I did, you just- Is that why you did so many Red Hot Chili first records? I would have stopped after the first one to be totally honest with you.

They just keep walking. But they would walk in and I would say, oh, well, if it isn't flea in the game again. But the point being, I treat the studio like Phil Collins treats his diarrhea. I call it just a studio and it's its own person. You know what I mean? I guess. Did that answer your question? I'm very curious. No, I don't think so.

We're not reaching each other because I'm grounded of the earth here. Would you mind Scott if I just laid my beard upon you? And then we'll be a little bit connected with each other. I guess you can lay your beard, yeah, go ahead. Oh God, it's so rough. Is it rough? I always imagine it would be soft,

but he's not conditioning it. No, he's not, no. It's almost the texture of dreadlocks in a way. Like you're not conditioning it. No, he's not. No, it's it's it's almost the texture of dreadlocks in a way like you're not watching this at all. Are you? No, I learned this beard technique from the way the um, I'm sorry, it's rubbing right up against your microphone. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Fine. This technique is all from Mr. Jones and me. Who's that guy? The cannon crow's guy. Oh, Adam Durrett. Adam Durrett's how he did his hair. He trained me in my beard. I thought that was fake hair My beard. No, no Adam Durrett's his dreadlocks. The song Mr. Jones in me is about having fake hair. I I probably

I'm I'm rocked after this Julia Thing I don't know what means what anymore? I was momentarily distracted you told me to shut the bathroom door And I just looked over and I thought it was open again, and I was like what did what anymore? I was momentarily distracted. You told me to shut the bathroom door, and I just looked over and I thought it was open again, and I was like, what did I do? And now I'm seeing it's closed again. By the way, you took a long time in the bathroom. We took a, Gary, how long was the break in between segments?

It was about 45 minutes or something. Rick arrived. He spent 45 minutes in the bathroom. What is going on? Is there a ritual? I mean, well, as much as evacuating is a ritual for any of us. Yes. I guess it is something you try to do with regularity.

And as I think right now, I wonder, do we Jews have a holiday for taking a number two? Because that is a right in its own way, just listening to your earlier conversation. And if not, we should. It's a Shushulia day, almost, which I guess would commemorate diarrhea, and would make sense for us, Jews, if we're going to commemorate any sort of stomach issues. I guess you're dehydrated in the desert without very many trees.

Do you wonder wandering the desert, don't you, Scott? What were their bowel movements like? Already Jews with anxious bowels. Yeah, what is the fiber situation of Mata? what were their bowel movements like? Already Jews with anxious bowels. Yeah, what is the fiber situation of MOTSA? That's a good point. And where they all backed up. You guys are looking to me for answers.

I don't have any of these answers. We would like you on the record for what you imagine the diarrhea, the bowel movement situation was. I like to think I'm an honorarily one of the chosen people. Yes, you're invited to not to the barbecue, but you're invited to the I suppose the bris sure. The way that's the equivalent of the cookout. Yeah,

is a bris. I could say for all Jews, Scott Ockerman, you're invited to the bris. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I'll do. You're welcome with the bris. I'll take you up on that. I kind of know Rick, I'm such a big fan of your work. And likewise. you up on that. I'll take you up on that. I got to know Rick I'm such a big fan of your work and likewise. Thank you so much. That means the world to me, but you've produced so many classic albums. Amazing. What is your style? How do you do it? How? Are you talking about what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm're indicating that I'm listening to you. Oh, okay. Yeah, you can do that silently, maybe just with a nod or something like that. Oh, okay.

But I would love to know, how do you do it? How do you elicit such sounds out of these incredibly iconic artists? Hmm. Well, that's wonderful. Oh, great. Wonderful. Yeah. Well, a sound is within all of us.

And it's my job to get people reconnected with their artistic self. It's why I'm here today. Is that's why you're here today? Yes, I've tried to move on to the podcast space. God, I'm in a music, Boersme. I've produced some of the great albums. I reinvigorated Johnny Cash's career, as you mentioned. Me and the Beastie Boys came up with the idea of yelling a rhyme at the end of every sentence. We've done it all. Yeah. Um, and... When are you here to produce this podcast? If you'll allow me, I'd like to produce...

I'm working on a lot of great stuff right now and I'm just... I'm getting podcasters to a space where they're connected to themselves the same way I stripped down so many of the artists. This is incredible, Gary. This is an honor to be produced by... You're on a Rick Rubin production now, I guess. This is incredibly producing podcasts now. It's incredible growing up. Growing up with that innovation of yelling a rhyme at the end of a sentence. That's why we've had all our lives.

Yeah, I feel like now we're at the, the, the, what would we call this, the inception? Yeah, of the, that equivalent, but whatever that is to podcast, whatever that is to podcast. Yeah, exactly. Yes, and instead of being in my dormitory at NYU, we're in Scott Ockermann's dormitory. You certainly know of bare bones facts about yourself. Scott, I know at least 10 things about myself that I could travel off right now. bare bones facts about yourself.

I know at least 10 things about myself that I could travel off right now. We should all be so lucky to know 10 things about ourselves at any given time. But that's what I mean, I've been working on some wonderful, you know, we're bringing about the the step by step people are doing a podcast that I've been working on. When you say the step by step, people, do you mean the cast of the show?

The right is some of the writers room, Patrick Duffy, and that's it right now. But you know, there's just so much in the space with everybody free during the strike. Yeah, yeah. They need my kind of brilliance. Well, how do we do this? What's the process?

What do we do for you to produce this? Well, Scott, I just need you to be you. And so. No. No. That's Scott, I just need you to be you. And so. No. No. That's not, I don't know that that's such great advice. Well, I think that you will, the you that shines through is the you we all want to see.

I mean, what are you hiding when you say, oh, no, there, what do you worry people will see? I'm not, I'm, you know, I'm not worried about revealing anything weird about myself, right? I mean, you immediately went to your laptop and started clicking out of windows there. I'm technically double check where you were looking at. I'm not worried about that kind of stuff. I guess I just mean, you know, I'm worried the audience won't care. I'm worried they'll be bored that they won't find it interesting.

You know, you said the same exact thing. The cast and writers room of ABC's manifest when we worked on a podcast together about that TV show. Wow, what is that show called? Manifest. No, no, the podcast about it. Manifest the podcast. You can do better. Take that back to the drawing. I take criticism not incredibly well. Scott. Oh my god. You're standing right now. You're looming over me with your giant

beard. The beard does more of the beard can choke the beard. It's very intimidating. It's wrapping. It's like it's like doc strange his case. Yeah. It's like it's like doc the strangest case like it's like doc ox arms or something just wrapping itself around my It's like doc feels mustache and other dogs Okay, let's go take back what you said about the title of the manifest God Rick as Scott you've entered hello ground that only few have been through. How do you train those things? How do I have? How do you train your beard to do that?

Oh, the beard gets a mind of its own after a certain amount of time once you've connected with your own body. Scott, you could do that with your own hair, your underarm hair, your pubis hair. Anything you want once you're connected with yourself. I choose pubis. That was like a Pokemon kind of. Rick Rubin, I choose pubis. Okay, I'm sorry. I won't criticize you anymore.

And I'm sorry. I think I freaked out. I embarrassed myself in front of Gary. Instead of hulking out, you're Rubin. Okay, you were clear earlier that you don't deal in titles. Yeah, so it was kind of Scott not paying attention to your version to titles. Wow, thank you for hearing that, Gary.

I think because a lot of my dirt ended up on Gary that he's a little more grounded. Yeah, you're filthy right now, Gary. I'm sitting closer to the Richard and so, yeah, covered and filth. Richard, thank you. But there's a Dyson in my future. Yes, yes, wow.

All right, so what do we do? How do we, uh, Well, so the first thing I would like to do is we all need to have a big meal together. There's nothing more connected than that. I'm exactly, you have to do with us recording this podcast. But almost nothing has anything to do.

The podcast comes from connection. There's nothing I can do to make you funnier Or more interesting you are funny and interesting and I'm trying to bring that out of you through human rights a nice Spread if you have something to nashon. I know I'm wait. I have to bring it When you said like let's also down for big meal I assume there were like people kind of gonna come in here filing in one by one with like big plates of food or something. You know incorrect. Well another way I work is the artist brings a meal I come starving. And if not I get having hadn't.

I do come having hadn't. That's my it's in my email signature. Oh, geez. I arrived. I haven't had it. Even just a chewy bar or just something to kind of nosh, you know, just something in my hands here would be nice. Yeah. I guess I have a slim gem over here. Is that fine? Hey, art thou board? I'm not familiar with this ad campaign.

I'm assuming. Mid 90s, my true man Randy Savage interrupting a play Everyone's bored by the play he jumps in did you produce that? That's a Rick Rubin joint. Yeah, I produced those 90 Slim Jim campaigns. I was Bob. We out of baby eats a boy Yes, one eight hundred collect no, yeah, what you did one eight hundred collect. I did the ones with Phil Harman. No, I recast Phil Harman with our cat, David our cat. David, you did the David our cat. And then I recast him with Carrot Top. Oh, okay.

Because we, I just couldn't meet minds with any of them. And then Carrot Top and I, we had a great connection. And yeah, of course you remember from the 99, 2000, 2001 MTV Spring Break Commercial break commercial breaks all of these works We did and our cat came with food wonderful spread. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't have a lot I'll retell that story when I meet some of the big minds You know some of the greats out there Scott Ockerman did not come with spread and that's gonna be something that will follow you I'm sorry, but I mean we're in the middle of a show maybe yeah maybe i mean maybe

is there anything you can do to make the show better or you just a guy who just kind of sits there i've never worked with any stand-ups maybe getting them a lot yeah i grew up i loved to the greater least and problems carlin prior and so i tried to work with stand-ups as much as i can on the market what what can we do with maybe you have like a premise that you haven't worked out or I tried to work with standups as much as I can in the yard. Living yard. What can we do with maybe you have a premise that you haven't worked out or just even like a funny no-shener, and we can see what Rick does in producing. Just like something you noticed on the way over here. Of course, I won't be at my best because I couldn't get a chewy bar or just anything

to munch on, some hummus, or anything at all would really help me. Yeah, I have some sour cream right here. Lovely, little Slamjim and sour cream is all Rubin needs. Okay, there you go. I just got awkward. Just didn't eat. One thing I was thinking about, I think you,

am I seeing graphic novels in that? You are, yes, yes. Okay, so when I was growing up and I talked about this a little, I was talking about this a little bit in the book, but I was a, you couldn't get as much Marvel growing up. There were no, there may have been. DC had better distribution, is that what you said?

Yeah, there was a Batman series that was in reruns, but then Marvel came out with the incredible Hulk and- Don't mind me, Gary, I'm just spraying you with ocean water. I'm just kind of getting you. God, that stinks. That's like stinky ocean water. Stink and also it kind of is as a burn. Yeah. Oh, that's ocean beach dog beach. You're feeling right there. Oh, yeah, that's the Straight from right there. I don't think I'm allergic to it, but I do I'm starting to rash Only as much as any human is allergic to a mix of dog urine and all that but keep the beat going and I'll

The rash will inspire you. That's a connection to your body. Feel it. Don't let it off. I wonder if it, because we're all around the same age group watching that incredible Hulk show as a kid. It was exciting because it occasionally would turn into the Hulk, but also it seemed, and I might have just been a really sensitive kid. It seemed like a real bummer and kind of melodramatic and... It's been a lot of time with Bill Bixby as a human. Yeah, it was Bill Bixby a lot, and he was an extraordinary actor. Sure, no slam on Bill Bixby, certainly, but traveling from town to town, he made Nemesis really was a journalist.

Right. And he'd come across people who needed help, much like the fugitive every week. And essentially, he would only turn into the Hulk if he ever had to lift up a car. And that was the extent of it. Yeah. And it just and and he would destroy every, every community he was was embraced by and then he'd have to move on and but also Put together a wardrobe At least twice a show he had no means of income or anything it was now that you pointed out

It's it's the fugitive But instead of trying to solve a crime he's But instead of trying to solve a crime, he's beating people with an answer to their life and also destroying property. Amazing. Amazing. Okay. So what can you do to produce this? I guess I'm deconstructing it.

I guess that's the bit. I'm heading towards it. First of all, the red attack between you two is incredible. There's a connection. there's something there. I'm a minimalist. How can you do the same thing? Less words, take out the unnecessary words, the thus, the and. Oh, I think those are usually very necessary in order to make a sentence make sense, right?

Well, this is what artists always push against me with. We need base, we need drums, I say take it out. Take it all out. Well, Gary Style is actually kind of her boss and the long-lasting event. Yeah, sure, Grant Hilliquit. Yes, exactly. I'm worried that if you strip him down too much,

it's not going to be as interesting. You know, again, I'm on my third green tea here on an empty stomach And so I am a little you know, there's some gym and I didn't know you were an excuses guy I only an excuses guy Are we getting into it one more time Scott ocarman? Please don't wrap your beard around my neck again I will walk my little tozi is gum shulis all the way over to you right now And they'll crawl on you and they'll slap you right across the face with the big toe You're please don't slap me with your toe plate. Oh

Full toe-to-cheek contact. How did you get me so hard with that? Oh, I'd like you to define what you mean by that sentence just so I'm answering the question correctly. I just said that there's so much strength in your toe. Okay, so how did my contact with your face hit you so hard? What way could it have been taken? Well, how did you get me so hard? Like how did I arouse you so much? That did not happen.

Or how did I make you think of a Will Ferrell Kevin Hart vehicle where they go to prison written by Ian Roberts and his writing partner. I wasn't sure Look Rick I have to say Gary it seems like you're you've just Swallowed this hookline and singer but amazing. I Think you're a charlatan. I'm sorry. I mean maybe a good charlatan in the sense that I produce good charlatan lifestyles at the rich and the fame. Did you really? That's thing number 10. We're out.

Everything else from here on out is new information for Rick Rick. All right Rick. I quite carry red my book. Let's go. Oh, look, we have to take a, Rick. I'm quite Gary read my book, though. Let's go. Look, we have to take a break, Rick. I don't know that you're helping this at all, but do you want to stick around and produce the next segment?

Absolutely. That would be an absolute joy. We're really feeling each other out here. I don't know about that. All right, we're going to come back. When we come back, we're going to have more Gary Goldman, more Rick Rubin, and we have a playwright. Pax Show will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM We are back Gary Goldman. The book is called Missfit Growing Up Awkward Rather in the 80s. And you're on a tour. How long does the tour last? Where can people see you? And where can people get info? GaryGolen.com.

G-U-L-M-N has all my tour dates. And we're adding some tour dates for 2024. So, but so far, it's just through the end of the year. Okay. Yeah, but I'll be at Largo here in L.A. on 926. No, 923, I believe. Wonderful. So, if you're in LA, but I was looking at your tour dates

and they're all over the country. Yeah. Yeah, so no better night out at the theater. Are you bringing an opener or? I bring a different opener here in LA. It's going to be Laurie Kilmarton. Oh great. Love Laurie. Terrific and then I have some other people that I like to.

And these are all surprises. You don't want wanna spoil them. Well, I could, he's Gary's really wrestling with this. Yeah. Should he? I'm just, I don't wanna leave. I have anybody out, but for instance, in Boston, there's a woman that's opening for me,

but I'd like it to be a surprise. Okay, yeah, I think you should keep this close to the vest here. Yeah, just like you know who the main of it. We know what the woman. Yeah, interesting. Yeah. Okay, yeah. So this is given us one clue at least.

Cool up. It might be my wife cool up. She hasn't appraised me of this fact at this point, but she may have started doing stand-up in her spare time. She's just going up and for Gary Goldman and Boston to all places. I can't wait to see it, Gary. We also have Rick Rubin here. Hello, Rick. What were you doing during the break?

You got your vacuum out for a little while, but you weren't vacuuming for the dirt. And there was an energy vacuum. That's an energy vacuum. The air has some energy in it that I was trying to get out of it Okay, I think we cleared something. That's the beauty of you had a fourth green tea. Yes, I and I am Apparently these are caffeinated so I am jacked, but I'm just a little Something in the freezer so like a trader Joe's well you also went through my refrigerator and you found some two-week-old guac. Is that good? Still, it's turned brown. Oh, guac is like fine wine.

It's got a nice taste. I don't think it is. Oh, you've never had a guac till you've had an aged guac. I think literally, like, any time air gets into it and it gets oxidized, it turns bad, like, within seconds. Oh, that's fact versus experience. You know, you're a man of science. I'm a man of experience. And as I dip this beef jerky into sour cream and then

cover some guac to we go to a casting. I have stuff. Okay, look, we have to go to our next guest guys. He's a playwright. Does Gary ever seen a play before? Oh, I'm a big fan of the how many of the theater? I would say upwards of 60 or 70. 60 or 70 plays Yeah, these things are like two hours a piece That's like 120 hours worth of plays. What can I say? I was very supportive, but a lot of them were like shop girl Which is a short script it's not a high school and and then in college I saw the normal heart You saw the normal heart in college really which production? Hard break. It started George Han.

George Han of, well, I guess I don't know who's. Of Instagram. Of Instagram. Yeah. Amazing. It's a great following on Instagram. He was an extraordinary actor. Oh, god.

I'm interesting. All right, well, he's written several plays I would assume. I only have the information that he's a playwright, but please welcome for the first time Ian Chisic. Scott, it's lovely to see you. It's lovely to see, but please welcome for the first time Ian Chisic. Scott, it's lovely to see you. It's lovely to see you. Did you get the play I sent you? I know, I'm sorry.

There must be something going on with my people. I haven't received Gary's book. I haven't received your play. Yeah, well, I mean, it's a road for you. It's about a podcaster. Oh, yeah. You wrote an entire play for me just because you were gonna be on the show

Well, I've been thinking about you a lot, you know pondering why stuck in traffic listening to the pod. Oh, oh, it was your fan Oh, okay, I thought you know Scott would make a great Character in the in my play. Oh my god. I'm so flattered. Yeah, it is it. It's about a podcaster Is he like heroic is he dashing is very heroic very dashing His mother marries his uncle after his uncle kills his father His mother marries his uncle after his uncle kills his father. This is a lot done pack. Yeah, I None of that actually happened to me, but now of course. Well, that's why it's a play. It's made up. It's pretend Right. Yeah, okay. Yeah sure. It's flattering though. Of course. What about him? What about the character is like me though?

Well, he's dashing. Okay. He's tall. Oh, and he's a podcaster. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That great. Well, thank you. That's That's so nice of you. Yes. I hope you will consider it seriously. Consider what? Being in the play. Being in the play. Oh, wait, you want me to act in the play? Yes. Is this an offer because you know I'm off her own lane.

I don't know. I'm offering it to you right now. You're a podcast. So I'm all made. This is, I mean, are you a well-known player? I forgive me. I don't know. All I have is just play right next to your name.

I haven't heard of you or your work. Well, I had a really great run down on Santa Monica Boulevard theater route. Oh, play called. Play little tiny theaters that are. Yes, a play called Serup. Serup. Yes, the sticky bits.

That's the subtitle of it? Yes, the sticky bits. Yep. Serup. Serup the subtitle of it. Yeah, the sticky bits. Yep. Seraph. Seraph. Oh, Seraph. Open parentheses.

The sticky bits close for emphasis. That's right. Gary gets it. Was this at the O. My ribs or at the flight theater? The O. My ribs. O. My ribs. Oh, that's where I go. Well, if you come on Tuesday night,

you can get some brisket as well. Oh, and draft beer is only $ dollars. I'll be the first one there Of also ironically written a play called shoelier which is about a girl who's obsessed with Hebrew school. Oh, yeah Okay, so I mean wow you've done a lot it sounds like you've written a lot of plays. Oh, I'm very prolific I'm writing a play right now. Oh, yeah, I noticed you're like you have a pen and you're just scribbling. Yes. Yeah, while you're actually, you're not riding what you're talking what you're saying. I know.

I'm not riding what I'm talking, riding a play. Okay. Wow, how are you doing both of these things at the same time? Well, I'm, I'm bibranial. Oh, this makes sense now. Yes. You're bibranial. It's kind of like being ambidextrous with your creativity. Right. Yeah, Freud. Freud.

Famously was was bibranial. Yeah. Yes. What? I got I wish I was bibranial. Imagine if I could do something while I was doing this podcast. Oh My God. Well, you are you're looking great. Oh Looking like a leading man to me. Oh, Ian. You're also checking your texts a lot. I am, yeah. You're kept by braining now. That is true. I have been on Instagram this entire podcast.

But it sounds like Ian is able to equally use the two, whereas I think you're distracted Scott while you're texting. Oh, you think I'm not using this, the brain that I should be using for this show all that well I don't think the two brains you're using are Are equally so he's using Ian and clear he sat down while he was introducing himself He also wrote down act one scene one really so what's the play you're writing right now? Uh the play I'm writing right now is about Uh a Vespa.

The motorcycle? Yes, the scooter. Yes, the scooter. And like is it a, is it anthropomorphic? Is it? Yes, yes it is. So what's the penis of? Well, it's the Jolspot.

It, I knew it originally, but then I got to in my head about it and I changed it. Yeah. So you want me to act in this play. That's right. And I'm thinking that Gary could play your evil uncle, like in a style that's not reminiscent or is reminiscent of a young David Brenner. I think I think you could do that, right Gary?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, so my evil uncle, does it, is it okay that we're approximately 15 days apart? It's the theater. It's the theater, Scott. You can do whatever you love. You just need to be sure.

Or you can create your hair a little brighter. Yeah, yeah. The one thing you can't do is really make any money. Oh, wait, this is not a money gig? It's not a money gig, it's for the off. Oh, I don't know. It's been so long since I've done something. But we've been looking for something to collaborate on for a true.

Almost an hour. I know, that's true. We've been making those eyes each other, we got a collab. Yeah. And this is sort of, yeah. I'm creatively curious here how you came upon Scott as the tall handsome lead.'m not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm saying that I We do a true West where we switch off the roles every other. Oh, yeah. Give us a real challenge, you know? Yes, like when the Philipsy Moore Hoffman and Byron Allen would switch off. Exactly.

Remember that one? Byron Allen. Byron Allen doing Sam Shepard is something to buy. Oh, my word. Yes. They got confused and they came out as the same character and looked at each other and were like, but I, but you, and then they went backstage and then both switched to the other character and came back out and they were like, but I, but you

What a performance that was legend area. Yes. Is this the Byron Allen that comes on after Saturday night? Of course, the weather channel. Yeah, you own the weather channel now. I would love to see that production. Tell me about your background. How did you start writing play? Well, I was an ice man. Oh Really? Yes, I delivered ice. Oh wow. Yeah, a cubise, no ice. Just every type of ice. Yeah, the big blocks of ice that you make into swans for weddings. You would deliver that. Yeah. And then I guess people gain the ability to make their own ice and their freezer and your job was obsolete. No, no, I left. Once I delivered eyes to a small theater and realized that I could be an artist. Really? So you saw something at the theater?

Yes. So you saw an actual production? Yes, I saw a production of, well, Hamlet. Hamlet, or the melancholy day in himself? Yes, where his mother marries his uncle who's murdered his father. Oh, that's right. This is very similar to the way that you wrote about me. But I think the podcaster, Scott, I guess, totally different with the podcasters, opposed to Danish prince.

I guess, although some might say being a podcaster is the prince, the Danish prince of the entertainment industry. Somewhat I wouldn't. Oh, okay. Thank you. I'd say being a podcaster is the prince, the Danish prince of the entertainment industry. Some would, I wouldn't. Oh, okay, thank you. No, I'm, I kid. And you do it so well. Thank you. I didn't take any offense at all.

Good, because I've been thinking about you playing this role, and I think don't you fellist think he would be great at it. I think he would be terrific at it. Well, I think you're great, Gary. And I'll, I'm serious. We have to work together at some point. You know, I would like to play for you.

And whether it's the, the Hamlet satire. Does sound like a satire. It sounds like it's just a ripoff. Is a podcaster as Hamlet? It's a little bit satirical. That's funny. You're right. Yeah.

I'm laughing already. Yeah. All right. Can I have a hamlet, but with a podcaster? I mean, that's the, what do they call that, the escalator pitch? Yeah, it's very, very nice. It's the, well, the elevator, or lift, lift pitch. Where are you from?

I'm from Chisic. I know it's on the nose because my last name is Chisic. Well, it's, it, Harkens back to the... The O'Corelion. Exactly. When we all used to just be, you know, I was I was coming into the United States and Ellis Island. Yes, they put me in Ellis Island and he had a rebel. I was, yes, a rebel and I sang English songs that only I could understand. And then the poor authority,

poor authority gave me the name, becauseisik because that's because that's a great amazing. I don't know they still did that process. They only did it to me. You specifically I was pulled out of the line. When was this? Uh, three weeks ago, three weeks ago, he, he, he, he, he, you're an elderly gentleman, I should say.

Well, it was a long time in Ellis Island. Let me tell you you can just ignore them. By the way, if the way, as old as you, they change your name for you. I just say, no, actually, my name is this. America is a wonderland. It's wonderful here. Well, welcome to the States, I guess. Yes, thank you. Living the dream from Ellis Island straight to Santa Monica and Cole,

putting up your theater in the photo. You've been here three weeks and you've done this production of zero. I've done 14 shows. 14 shows. Wow, incredible. A lot of the audiences really, because I, of course, I've been really buffed men who thought they were going into the golds gym

around the corner. That's right. That golds gym I used to be a member of. Really? When we wrote the second season of comedy banger. I wondered why you spent that whole season in really low cut I don't know that I'm gonna do the show again. I mean, do you have any other facts about it? You can woo me Well, there is a monologue. Well, there's a number of monologues

Okay, to be or not to be. Yeah. Scott Arkhamen. Okay. I don't know. It sounds to me in that your style is just like Shakespeare, but bad. Well, I mean, you haven't seen it yet, Scott. Not that everything you tell me about it just sounds once you roll up your sleeves and get in the rehearsal room, you know? Like J. Lana rolled up his sleeves famously with his suit jackets. Yes, yes, just like that. You know, get a throwback to the 80s when people rolled up their suit sleeves. Yeah, you could talk a little bit into the store without seeing sleeves up to a shoulder and that's how you knew they were the bad boy of comedy.

They never made it that extra step where designers started just doing short sleeve suit jackets. Oh, I think so. Don Johnson wore few of them. I think that was just a roll up though. Now very tight, though. They were very tight. We can agree on that again. Could I maybe, I mean, this just feels like

I'd be in here and produce this, because I'm a good opportunity. Yes. I mean, I see the scripts in front of us. Could we maybe see a scene before? I guess so. Yeah. Scott Okerman and Gary Goldman in this play. Who? Well, here's the guy. Who plays what? Well, you'll play. Yeah, what's my character's name? Scott. Okay. All right. So I wanted to stretch, but Gary is playing. What do you, stop dicing while we're trying to, sorry, I think who's gonna play who?

I spilled a little bit of truck down in onto the floor. What do any of these work as a highlighter? Yeah, probably. Yeah, you need a highlighter. Gary's playing the uncle, whose name is Andrew. Andrew, yeah. Okay, yeah. You can just, I'm sorry if we don't have a highlighter for you, but okay, and then

do you want, what do you want Rick to do? Rick is just going to lay there in the fatal position with a low hum that signifies the same mating call of a sperm whale. Oh, okay, interesting. So you are confronting him after realizing that he has oft your pop. Okay, All right. Hey, bro. Oh, that is my line.

My line was, oh, yeah, no, I know. I just I'm taking exception. Hey, bro, really? Is that? Look at the next line. Oh, oh, I'm so it's continued on the next. Yes, yes. Hey, brosif.

Oh, oh, it's continued on the next page. Yes, yes. Hey, brosif. Oh, that made it a lot better. You took it from, you know, a one. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't see the hyphen and then turn the page. Hey, brosif. Oof, why are you doing this to me?

You know how I feel about my mother. Yeah, but this whole thing where you think I murdered your your moms. Amazing. You really get the vernacular. Yeah. Where you think I murdered your moms. Yeah, where? Well, that's the set. Is this like on the streets? It's set in Pensacola, Florida. Okay. Yeah. Very accurate. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What about it? I saw on an episode of poker face that was sat in Pensacola. This is how they. This is what they talk. This is how they talk. I mean, I've been here for three weeks. I know. Local. Local.

He's been a little time in Pensacola for a while. It was the first place I went to. Diverted right to Pensacola. That's right. And went to Santa Monica. All right. We're in control. What you've heard about what I did to your moms, that's it. Father, father. Cross that out. Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's what did your pops? Yeah. This might be, I think we're seeing one of the issues of writing a play

while you're having a conversation. You're getting a lot of the words from. By the way, this is page one. It just starts in the middle like in media res, I this is page one. It just starts in the middle, like in media res, I guess is the term. Well, if you start in the middle, you don't need to do, it's the right the beginning. You don't need to write the beginning.

It's a good point. I mean, the Bambi first got silver. You know, pipe, as it were, you know, to sort of set up the scene, just get in there. Okay, all right, here we go, let's continue. What you heard, what I did to pop, that's a shonda. Hey, man, I don't know what all of these words mean

because I haven't been invited to the equivalent of the cookout, which I assume is a breeze. Wait, did you write that while we were having that conversation? Yeah, the first week I was here. I slept in the doorway at Temple Emanuel. Oh, okay. Oh, wow.

Look at here, dog. This is, I don't know about the language. I don't know that I can sell any of this street kind of vernacular. Scott, wasn't it Lauren T'Livier who said to Dustin Hoffman famously Tri-acting kid, okay, you're right. No, you're right. Yeah, all right. Here we go Big ups to you, bro

But I I am playing with that That ain't what I'm about see amazing. That's terrific cuz You ain't gonna get that over on me, bro. I mean, I think I think he's doing a great job. I don't I just Ian, I don't feel comfortable with any of this. I don't think you were born to play this role. It's really you think so. A tall white man speaking some sort of weird patch, what? That may or may not be from Florida.

I feel like this is maybe the plot of spring breakers, suddenly. Oh, what is a defining film, wasn't it? I guess, but I don't know. I don't think about it. I don't know that any of this is working for me, but Gary, I don't want to step on an opportunity for us to collab. I would like to collab, but maybe this isn't the thing. If you're, I mean, from page one, you've been resistant.

And I get it. I get it. I feel like maybe we could find something that may be a different playwright. Oh, well, I'm still in the room, Scott. Seriously. I'm staying. Welcome to Hollywood.

That's it. You're gonna get used to this kind of American dream. Yes, I'm living the American dream. Big shut down right in front of my face. Yeah, I mean, that's what Hollywood's all about, baby. Yeah, whoa. Thank you. You want me to lie to you in front of your face?

No, no. Comedy bang, bang, bang's about. I'm a devotee of Rick, so I'm going to embrace this at this moment of being shut upon public. Do you have any other shows that you have been thinking about that maybe you've been, you know, thinking about in your mind where like, oh, maybe that'll work, because I'll consider it if you have something else. Well, there's a piece I've been working on.

Okay. And it sounds promising already. Yeah, it's about, soju comes back to the war, comes back to the war, comes back from the war. From the war. It's just bad. I gotta get back to this thing.

His family sells olive oil, but really they're the mafia. Ah, oh, wow. And he's a war hero. This sounds just like Godfather. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, micro-coryleo. We have Dianne Keaton's attached.

Yes. I've always wanted to work with Diane. To do with Diane? Oh, she's terrific. She's so good. You think she'll wear those scarfs? Do you think by the end of the shoot you'll be like Woody Allen and referring to her as Keaton?

Yeah, I bet I would be. Yeah. I bet by the beginning of the shoot, I could do it. She would like that, right? I think she's to Woody Allen. Reminders that she hooked up with him. I'm in. I'm in.

Great. I'll get a minute to die and keep and I'm in. All right. I'll work on it and I appreciate you on a stay. You've been working on it. It looks like you're almost done. I'm almost done. A few more minutes.

Somehow you've misspelled act already. How did you spell that? With a K. Oh? Okay. All right. Well, look, we're running out of time guys. I hate to tell you this. We only have time for one final feature The whole plot is amazing. Perfect treble. That's right on the band. Click it both. Two closer from right now, it's open, so stop the game. Oh! I have.

It's tough. Hey, that was open, no, sorry, that was Mirror in the Plugback by Seth Draven. Thank you so much, Seth. I think I heard him a lot of good in there. That of course was a parody of the English beat smear in the bathroom. Guys, what are we plugging? Gary, so much to plug. You're an author now. I'm an author, yes. Where do you think you're landing on, of course, the coveted New York Times bestseller list? Oh, could you imagine? Can you

imagine being on that, of course. I think that my mother, my mother would finally embrace this book. You think so? Do you see you resistant to it? She's a little bit resistant. It's because of the stories that you tell about? Because of the stories I tell and also I think she might feel a little bit narcissistic in that when I handed it to her she said where do I begin and then just started scanning it for her and then didn't read anything. The blurbors said just read the names. She's kind of a star fucker.

You should have done an index just for her name in the back with every page she's headed on. This is just for you, mom. Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was heartbreaking. And then her other big question was was will it be available at Costco? Yes, just like all the other great But this is a good question will it be a little Costco cuz I want to pick this up God willing. Oh my god

Would that be a maybe you stack of those? Somebody Organic popcorn. Do you have to buy 25 at a time? Get it from Costco or have to buy a case of my book. And then you're going on tour. Yeah, where the book is the book sold in the lobby as well. And people are you doing some cases? Yes, I will stay till the end because I remember I saw David Sederis at the King's theater in Brooklyn. And he stayed and it was like 5,000 people or something. And so I think I can cover up to 1,000 people in one.

Yeah, why not? Sometimes it'll just be 300, but sometimes it'll be 1,000. I think I can do it. I always felt when we did the comedy-baming book, any of the live events I did, I would also, there was an author next to me at one of the signings. He was like, oh wow. It was, it would only do his name as super quick as he could do it. And he saw I was writing personalized messages

to everyone, he's like, what are you doing? He's like, you're gonna be here forever. I was like, these people know, they all know. And so did David Siddharis. I'm one time when I was living in LA, Ray Bradbury was speaking at the Grove Barnes and Noble's. Writer of Dandelion Wine. As what. Writer of Dandelion Wine. As what?

That's right, Dandelion Wine. And Fahrenheit 451. So I had him sign my copy of Fahrenheit 451 and my notebook. And he drew a picture of a cat in my notebook. Your cat or a cat he knew? A cat. A cat.

And I can't beat that. Yeah, you can't beat that from Ray Bradbury. He's in a mortal. Incredible. can't beat that from Ray Bradbury. He's in a mortal. Incredible. Is he still with us, Ray Bradbury? No, it turns out he's mortal. He oh.

Wow, what a way to find out. And people can get all the information for this at GaryGulman.com. Yeah, so you can order the book at GaryGulmanBook.com. Can you really? Yeah. And then it takes you to different book sellers that will abide by your ethos because some people like bookshop or some people like Amazon, some people.

Did you do any personalized sign copy? Like a candle? I did. I did. Are they still available? I don't know where, but I did sign a thousand of these stickers that they put into the front of the book and I don't know where that, wow, I have to of these stickers that they put into the front of the book, and I don't know where that one.

I have to make an inquiry. Okay, well, this is incredible. I got a reason. Inquiries will be made. The book is called Misfit Growing Up, Awkward in the 80s. Can I say I've never had more fun on a podcast or radio show. That's incredible. That this was incredible.

It's not over yet. And I've been on the morning zoo shows. Wow. So, and you've been on the Lettuce show for your first TV of Dirt. Rick Rubin, what do you want to plug? Thank you for asking, Scott. I'll plug your book. It was an extraordinary. Gary loved my book on creativity. Yeah. My podcast, Tetra Grammerton, where I interview other celebrities and great thinkers. And of course course on CBB world you can get subscribe to that to get the bill Walton podcast eat prey dunk where he travels the world trying to find himself. This is a good show. I've heard this show. His friend Mark Renning is on it and I'll pass

the news to Bill here and I. You're close with Bill Walton. We both wear similarly loose clothing. It's all about the fit. It's not about the amount of tie dye. Oh no, not a similar loose. You got to swim in those things. Yeah. And I could go on the Mandog Podcast and Improv in conversation podcast and BigGrundaWebsite.com to buy all the cart podcasts from the comedy group BigGrunda.

All right, wonderful. And Ian Chizek, what do you want to plug here? Well, I'll just think. You've been furiously writing. Oh, yeah, I've been writing a bunch of chips. He wrote a one act while we were wrapping up. Yeah, it's all about you. Actually, let's go.

I'm going to give him a sense. It's your mom used. You really don't have to write plays about me anymore. In fact, I kind of wish he wouldn't. Well, I'm going to keep going, you know, I like the resistance. OK. Yeah.

Well, no, I don't have anything to plug. Sir, closed. So there's that. Until you do one of my plays. Also, like very much that group over in Los Felis in Pro Theater. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What's that guys? Yeah. How do you, how do people see that again? Well, they go to Los Felethes where the theater is made. Vermont and Hollywood. Sure. Yeah. Um, I want to plug. We're talking about books. Um, I certainly don't want anyone to buy the comedy bang bang book this week to compete with Gary's book. Uh, take a week off from that. But uh, let him get on the very generous bestseller list this week.

But then next week you got to keep buying that book. If you bought it before, I need you to keep buying it every week and just buy as many as you can, buy a Costco amount. And we are, we did more signed ones for the holidays. I'll hopefully I will let you all know when and where you can get those for everyone who's been inquiring about the signed copies. We did more of those and did some special ones. And when you're over there at CBB World listening to Eat, Pray, Dunk, you can hear also Scott hasn't seen where we watch movies that I haven't seen before. We also have College Town, which is a great show and several of the things. Hey, Randy is a great show. So many things over there, head over to CBBWorld.com.

If you're only listening to Comedy BamBam, you're only getting half the story. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Yeah. Check them up, shut them tight Those are made for locking Take out key and make it right We turn it to the right Oh no, that unliked it

Oh no Oh, that was there's always a butt by King Love Duck electricity. Thank you so much. And guys, I want to thank you so much, Gary. Always a pleasure to, I guess this is the only time we've ever done it. It's when I say always a big always make any sense. Currently a pleasure, currently a pleasure. Would love for you to graduate from the one-timers club to the two-timers club. I would love that. So please let me know anytime you're in town.

Would love to have you back. Big fan. Honestly, I mean, do you say that to everybody? I don't. I think it's the first time I've ever. Oh, that's so much. I would love to come back. Oh, man, this was so much fun. Yeah, there's been guests like Gillian Jacobs who come back all the time. I'm just like, Jesus, what are you doing? To Tiamas Lonnie. It's like, come on, man, get a life. And here's the other thing. I'm not going to expect as much time because I won't be maybe promoting something about just be visiting Los Angeles. That would be wonderful. So I'll just, and then we could do a true bro down, ho down. Yeah. It's the two of us. Yeah.

That would be amazing. And Rick Rubin, I'll be silently producing the future podcasts here and excited to just be in the background now. So we can say all of these podcasts from now on are Rick Rubin production. 100%. You have my permission. OK. Even though you're not, it doesn't seem like you're doing

anything for the, and how much are you charging a fee for this or? Just, you know, that my standard per DM and gas to get here from Costa Rica and Costa Rica every day Yeah, I live in Costa Rica, so I just travel out. I don't know that I can afford this Well, I mean after you do this a lot of time fuel and you're in you're like a guy who's really into the the ecology Not when it applies to my enjoyment of life. Oh, yeah I remember you get arrested in Hawaii right right? Or during COVID lockdowns. Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, during COVID lockdowns and then Ted Cruz and I were about to fly out there and see if you can think of us in the airport. So that's just all right. All right. And Ian Chizek, oh, are you done with this new play? You're you're passing outside. Yes. Just passing out sides, you know, if anyone wanted to, you can take a look and decide whether

or not they want to do it. OK, wait, OK, it says in this one that I'm wearing fake dreadlocks, a Rostecab, and I've darkened my feet. If you look, it says Fredlox. Fredlox. What are Fredlox? Well, it's kind of like Adam Duritz.

Oh, OK, so like dreadlocks that a guy named Fred would be wearing? Yeah, okay, this does make it better. It does for me. Not for me, I don't think. I don't think I can do this, Ian, I'm sorry. Oh, well, I'll write you a one-man show. Okay, I like the sound of this. Yes, and it's all about being a podcasted

and yet also having a secret life. What do I do in the secret life? Well, that's a secret, isn't it, mate? Wait, I never tell the audience. No, that's interesting. It's not a good thing. But it gives you something to play during the whole subtext. I guess, but like, who's going to come see a show about a podcast with a secret life?

And then at the end, they go, well, what was the secret? And they go, well, it was the secret life and then at the end they go Well, what was the secret and they go well as a secret? Why would we have told you? Well, this would see a voice Rick gave me He's like Rick you're you're bad at this man. I'm a list. You are upsetting me. Oh, no, please don't get your beard You do not talk down to Rick Rubin and the next time Just a little of those dill pickle hot dogs from Trader Joe's, something in the freezer, it's all you need, alright. I'll see you next time, thanks, bye! Ha!

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