Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Greg Hess, Will Hines, Caitlin Reilly

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Folk singer Glen Plapinger joins Scott once again to perform songs about various subjects including the boys in blue. Then, opinion haver Paul Dudley stops by to talk about his newsletter in which he shares his opinions. Plus, Scott’s plumber Leanne Lee drops by to talk about her dreams of becoming a weather person.Get tickets for the Comedy Bang! Bang! Into Your Mouth Tour 2024 over at https://CBBWorld.com/tour

I'm Billy's Gal at Chili's, but I'm Levi's at Chi-vise. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to pronounce that Levy's at Chevy's, which maybe since Chevy's is a similar food-based chain. Is that what you call them? Food-based chain restaurants? Food-based. I love it when I go to a restaurant and it's food-based. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang indeed. Thank you to Mr.

Dr. Princess Jr. for that catchphrase submission. A little confusing. They also submitted one other one. You want them, we've got them. I don't think either of those are going to stick. I don't think. The hunt continues for a new catchphrase. But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman. And look, I promised before we get to the show, we have a big show, we have a folk singer, we have a plumber, we have an opinion haver.

So many incredible guests on this episode. But before we get to that, as promised, I have several incredible announcements. They're all tour related. The tour starts next week, of course. And I promise that we're gonna have new dates that go on sale this week. Here they are.

We're going back to the UK. That's right. Haven't been in eight years. May never go back after this. Who knows? We'll see how it turns out. But we're going back to the UK. We're going to cities that we've never been before. The fun starts this September on 4 September, Glasgow, 6 September.

I'm transposing them the way they do out there. 6 September, London, nine September, Bristol, 11 September, Dublin, and 12 September, Manchester. It all closes out in Manchester. And that is the extent of the UK tour. Some of these places are kind of small. Tickets go on sale this week. You can get them starting Wednesday

if you use the codes, bang24. And all you have to do is go over to cbbworld.com slash tour. All those links will be there right for you. Tickets on sale this Wednesday, using that code on sale Friday to the general public. This is gonna be really fun. It's Paul F. Tompkins, myself, other special guests. We're gonna be out there in the UK

and we're looking forward to seeing you. We have not been in almost a decade. So this is very exciting. Speaking of the tour, it starts this week, starts this Wednesday in Boston. We have a couple of shows in Boston. We have a very special guest for our Boston shows. If you happen to see them out on the street, give them a nice Hanong man. And CBB World subscribers, go head over to the merch table. If you show proof that you're a subscriber, you get a free gift at the merch table. We also have some really cool stuff, really good shirts this year that we created.

We have action figures. We have a tour exclusive action figure. The stealth mode, JW Stillwater figure will be available just to people who go to the tour We have some signed books a very few of those but we have all of those and then you should be a CBB world subscriber because Starting this week. We're going to be releasing every single tour episode

In a new feed So if you want to follow us along on tour, head over to CBBworld, sign up to be a Maximus subscriber and you can follow us along virtually by listening to every single episode as we release them. This is gonna be a lot of fun. This is a lot of shows this summer, but we're looking forward to getting back out there

and seeing you. Tickets are still available over there at cbbworld.com. Oh gosh, what have you entered that, cbbworld? cbbworld.com, that's where you, slash tour is where you get all these links. So we're gonna be out there and this is very, very exciting. All right, enough announcements.

That's the most announcements I think I've ever started a show with. We gotta get to this show. This is the reason you're listening. We have so many special guests. Can you believe we have an opinion haver coming up a little later? But why don't we get to our first guest?

He was on the show before. He, look, you know that I'm a fan of music. All the notes from Doe to Doe, everything in between, Ray, the rest. I love it. He puts these notes together in such an unusual and melodic way. He's a folk singer. He's one of my favorites.

Please welcome back to the show, Glen Plappinger. Well, hello, Scott. It's so nice to be back. And one of those other notes is me. And here I am. Yes, you are. I wish you was a note. It's so nice to be back and one of those other notes is me and here I am. Yes, you are. I wish you was a note. It could very well be. In other cultures, they have notes that we don't even know about. That's the thing. We're relegated to these, what are they, eight?

Eight? Some say seven. I haven't actually counted them, Scott, but I know there's other notes in other cultures that we can't even hear with our ears. Different musical scales, but here in America, we're forced to use the seven plus all those little like half steps in between. Haps and in-betweens, but I don't like leaving America, Scott. I think America is a great place to ramble and rove. That's true, yeah. I'm sorry I'm gonna leave in September.

Oh yes, I heard that announcement and I- Thank you for listening. I felt sorry for you. You did. Yeah, well I felt sorry that you were headed overseas because the last time I was overseas, we were fighting a world war and I never came back. You never came back from it mentally,

I would imagine. Exactly. Never came back, never wanted to deal with what I dealt with over there and so I picked up a guitar and hit the, hit the highways and byways. The highways and the byways. That's good. You got to hit both of those. So if you haven't heard Glenn Plappinger's music, you were sort of in the folk scene of the sixties,

the Bob Dylan. I was in, I, yes, I knew Bobby. I knew- Robert Zimmerman was his name at the time. Yeah, Bobby Z is what we used to call him down there at the Half Cup Cafe. Did he like that? He didn't like anything, Scott,

and that was half of his problem. His music was inaccessible because he was just groaning and griping about the great American palette that we were painting with at that time. And I thought, well, somebody's gotta say the truth. Somebody's gotta say things about America that are good and true and not just all the griping and complaining.

That's right and you don't complain, famously you don't complain, you put like an optimistic sheen on most of your songs. I put an optimistic sheen, but right now there is a lot to complain about Scott, especially with what the youth are doing. I don't like it, I don't get behind it. What are they doing?

What are you talking about? Well they're out in the streets, Scott. They're protesting, they're groaning, they're griping and they're striking, and I don't like that. So you're gonna sing a song complaining about them complaining? Well, I'm trying to set them on the right course, Scott,

and if that takes a little complaining, by all I'll have to do it. Isn't that what they're doing? They're complaining in order to set the world on our- And I'm complaining in a better, louder, higher, more true voice, and luckily I'm complaining in a better, louder, higher, more true voice. And luckily I'm on the side of those who are true, which is the police. Oh dear.

Well, so you mentioned you have a new song. Is that what you're singing about? Oh, do you want to hear the new police song? The new- I mean, if the band, the police, had a new song, I'd be very interested. You singing a song? This is, well, this, you know, I knew Sting. I knew Sting back in the day.

Did you really? Yes, I did a little bit of work with him. Are you sure you didn't just see B Movie? I saw that too. It's one of my favorite movies. Yeah. But Sting... You're on Terry Seinfeld's side about everything these days, right?

Oh, isn't he funny? I laugh and laugh, Scott. I went and I saw the new Pop-Tart movie in the theater. Really? Yes. So you had your own Netflix account projected. Yes, I did. Onto a theater. Oh, it was a joy, Scott.

Just the funny, funny situations about Pop-Tarts and things. It's funny how these things, they come out of the toaster and they make that sound. Ah! That was a part I could barely keep. I could, that was one of the jokes in it. It sounds like the Netflix logo in a way, cha-chunk. Oh, I never thought of that.

Like, can you imagine a Pop-Tart coming out when it goes, cha-chunk. I feel like Jerry Seinfeld would love you in Pop-Tart 2 or whatever he's gonna do next. Yeah, it seemed like every comedian was in that, yeah, well, anyway. All right, so you ready to debut this song? Sure. What did we say?

The police song? Yeah, make sure you point that mic at the guitar. If you don't mind. There we go, yes. I usually don't have a microphone. You basically put it right back to where it was. How's that, Scott? It's probably fine.

I don't know. Oh, let's see. A song about, oh yes, the boys in blue. All the youth are out on the streets. They are griping and complaining. Kimplaining. Kim planning. But if I was with on, we're on the side of the police. It's those protesters that we should be shaming. So crack em on the heads boys. Alright, alright, alright. Okay, I don't, you know, I don't know.

Crack em on the heads boys? Crack em on the heads boys, Scott. You know Scott, I got awarded by the city police of Boston my own baton after this song, and they said I could go out and bop a college student on the head if I wanted to. You get one free one, huh? You get one free one, and there's nothing more

than what a Boston cop loves in the summer, which is hauling a couple Emerson students to jail and give them a good tumble in the back of the van. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not quite sure about that. I love your old stuff. Oh, I'm happy to play some of the old stuff too. You know, something that really has been on my mind,

Scott, is just, you know, how, the labor, the labor. The labor. The labor. I don't know what you mean. The laborers, the people who do the work. The people who do the work, that's right. You're pro labor. I'm pro people working, Scott. And when they decide not to work, that is a problem.

Okay. And so I had a little song that, well, this is one because I came out to Hollywood during the strikes and I wrote this one. When I said your old stuff, I don't know that I meant something from last year. This is last summer, wasn't it Scott? Here's the...

If you don't go to work, you might die. I'm on the side of the studios and AI. I'm on the side of the studios and AI Put it in a machine Make those words more clean I want an overlord like AI It's got better ideas than these Hollywood guys. I love AI. That was one.

Yeah, that was one. You are right about that. I thought you were gonna interrupt me a little bit earlier, Scott. Wait, are all of your songs meant to be interrupted by people? Well, they do get interrupted, Scott, with violence. And it's usually on behalf of the protesters,

and I, you know, and that's why I keep this little stick on my side. Oh yeah. That's in a fanny pack? That is in a fanny pack on one side. And I've got the mace on this side and I've got the gun in the back. All given to me by Lieutenant Jack Mackie, RIP.

He was trampled to death this summer when we were chasing a bunch of protesters through the streets of Washington, D.C. So you were joining him, he was on horseback or no? He was on horseback, he was trampled to death, which usually doesn't happen. Usually you're on the horse to be higher than him. Usually the policemen do a pretty good job up there,

but not on this day, Scott, he was trampled to death. Of course, the protesters, we chased them to the end of Avenue D or K or whatever it was there in Washington, D.C., right by the Washington Monument, then they turned around. And- Uh-oh, you don't want that to happen. They don't want that to happen.

It was a short horse and he was a tall man on a short horse. If anyone's ever chasing you, by the way, just turn around. Just turn around and run the other way. Yeah, run right towards them. Right. So yes, it's been an active summer, it's been a great summer, and for someone

of my age who's seen it all. It is June, by the way. When you say an active summer, I don't even know that we're in summer yet. I don't either, Scott, but to me it feels like things are popping off, and I want to be on the front lines telling people what they're doing wrong. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, again, I love your 60s stuff because it was kind of apolitical and... Yeah, well, there's one from the 60s. Let's see. Um... cardamom in time. These are spices that make the food feel fine, but do you know where they come from? They come from Vietnam. I think we should make that into another American land. Southern America, Southeast Kentucky. That's what I want to call the Vietnam country.

Southeast Kentucky is a place where all the spices come from. Is this where you want me to interrupt you? I haven't played that song in 30, 40 years. Did you play it once and someone said, do not record that? Because I've never heard it before. That's not on a recording actually, Scott. That's just a back pocket fanny pack song that I'll pull out every now and then. Did you have a fanny pack back in the 60s? And back in the 60s, we didn't call them fanny packs.

When did you call them back? Well, we called them, we called them rock sacks. We called them rock sacks. Rock sacks. Rock sacks, we'd fill them with rocks to throw at the hippies. Okay, gosh. I gotta say, Glenn, I, you know,

much like every older person, I was gonna say, your politics have certainly gotten more conservative over the years, but I- Well, I, you know, much like every older person, I was gonna say your politics have certainly gotten more conservative over the years, but I- Well, I'm not political, Scott. These aren't political issues. I don't get involved in politics. I don't vote. I've never voted.

Okay, you really should. I'm an independent- Or maybe you shouldn't, I don't know. I'm an independent, Scott. You're an independent thinker. Yes, independent thinker, but you know, I'm concerned right now. This might be the first election

I'm actually gonna vote in. Oh no, don't tell me you have a song about RFK. Absolutely, Scott. There's only one person out there that's doing what I think is important. Oh no. And that is saying the truth. So this is a little song that I had about RFK

or what I call the real Kennedy. Oh dear. RFK or what I call the real Kennedy. Oh dear. We need another Kennedy like a hole in the head. Okay, this is where I interrupt you. No, but let me finish. Let you finish? Scott, let me finish because I think.

We need another Kennedy like we need a hole in the head, but I know one Kennedy that won't end up dead. That 2024 is who I'm thinking of. Robert Junior Kennedy is who I love. Vote Kennedy and the brain worm. Kennedy and the brain worm. Kennedy and the brain worm for Pres. Wow.

I don't know. I mean, R.F.K. Junior, he's part of the comedy community. He's comedy community adjacent to, you know, Meryl DeCheryl. Meryl DeCheryl. I love that show. Meryl DeCheryl. Meryl DeCheryl. Meryl Streep and Cheryl. We protect our own. Yeah, Meryl Streep and Cheryl Strait. Isn't that right?

Well, boy, Glenn Plappinger, I don't know. Do you have anything that's? Well, boy, Glenn Flappinger, I don't know. Do you have anything that's just about, I don't know, just a really anodyne subject? Anodyne? Yeah. Yes, I do. There's anodyne in the water It's making all of us crazy It's put there by the government To make us lazy To make us all progressives Which isn't a good idea

Don't drink the water, it's not clear. Okay, can I interrupt you here? I don't think you know what anotide means. Sure I do, Scott. It's a chemical that the government puts in the water for mind control to make everybody into a woke joke is what I say. Yeah, it's actually, it means inoffensive. Oh, does it? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, maybe you're thinking of alkaline or I don't know exactly what you're thinking of. I don't know what I was thinking of. Yeah, LSD maybe? I did LSD one time, Scott, and it did not go well for anybody around me. Really?

Can I ask, is that when you decided to become a songwriter? Yes, yes it was. I got off that transport boat from the war and I was a guy on the transport boat. So you took LSD on the way back from the war? Way back from the war. Okay, most people took it while they were there. I know and this was the 50s, Scott.

Nobody was doing LSD on a transport boat. You said this was the World War, by the way. It was the World War. You were there until the 50s? I was there until 19, I was there until 1952. You were just cleaning up stuff. I was still fighting. No one told me the war was over.

Was your walkie talkie broken? We didn't have walkie talkies, Scott. It was an old crank phone on the wall and I kept expecting there would be a call that says the war's over, we got him. Yeah, let me guess, you had taken it off the hook once when you wanted to sleep in? I took it off the hook, and that thing had been

getting a busy signal from the man himself, General Patton. General Patton got involved, really? Well, General Patton was gonna tell us all it was over, and he did, and I didn't get the call, and so I kept fighting there, and oh, through the, you know. So you were just like an unsanctioned murderer for 10 years?

That is what's a mercenary, Scott. I was fighting in a one man war. And that's when I, you know, I wrote One Man War, of course, my first album. And then I was- Is that what One Man War is about? One Man War is about me fighting a guerrilla war in the streets of Berlin against, you know, everyday civilians. Were you noticing people saying against, you know, everyday civilians.

Were you noticing people saying like, you know, hey, stop, the war's over? I didn't speak the language, Scott. I didn't know what they were saying. And you know, it wasn't until you two's act on baby that I understood what those words meant. Really? So 35 years later. 35 years later, I heard that song and I thought,

my, my, that's what those Germans were saying as I was, you know, trying to complete my mission, which was kill as many as I could and then get back to the good old USA. Yeah, not to be pedantic, it was an album title, not a song title, but that's my other show. Well, I don't know what pedantic means either, Scott. So that, you know, and we don't want all these pedantics

because there's a lot of pedantics in government right now if you look at the... Oh, no, are you going to do another song? Is that what's happening right now? On the Epstein tapes there's pedantics and they're doing lots of things. Release the tapes, release the tapes and we will start to sing. Out in the streets the pedantics have been taking over. So let's all make sure we send them away and have a roll in the clover. I mean, the roll in the clover part is nice and this is very 60s.

You know, I'm worried about pedantics, Scott. I'm worried about them online. I'm worried about them in the internet. Yeah. Again, you don't know what that word means, but I'm not gonna correct you with what it actually means. Scott, aren't you worried about what our country is going through right now? I mean, we have fought long and hard for these freedoms

and now it seems like everybody just wants to throw them in the dustbin. Are you talking about the Second Amendment? Is that what? Well, I love the Second Amendment. It should be the First Amendment in my book because ever since I- If it was so important,

just write it into the actual thing like originally. Right, that's right. And I wanna do that. I'm part of a group that wants to, it's called Get the Second Amendment at the Top. And- So you want to abolish the Second Amendment, but you wanna make it actually part of the-

Exactly. First part of the constitution. I wanna get rid of the Second Amendment, but you want to make it actually part of the first part of the Constitution. Exactly. I want to get rid of the Second Amendment and put it in the Bill of Rights. I want to move it right to the top. Right to the top, yeah, number one. We should be able to have any kind of gun we want and do what we want. You mentioned you're carrying right now.

Oh, I'm carrying right now. This is a little, there we go. This is a nice- That's like one of those GoldenE Eye James Bond Lugers or something. Yes, this is a golden gun given me by the police department of Boston. And they just... Is that real gold as well? It's real gold.

They just give those things away? They give these things away. If you know how to chase a protestor, you get justly rewarded on earth and not just in heavy stuff. That's gotta be worth like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Hundreds of thousands. It's a collector's item and look what it says right here on the sides. What does that say?

You're a little far away from me. It says, shoot quick and think later. By the way, it looks like they started with a bigger size font and realized they were running out of room. So it gets tinier and tinier. It's a short gun at the end. So yeah, they started on the handle here,

shoot quick and then think later kind of falls off the end. Yeah, it gets really tiny by the end of it. But all right, well, I hate to ask you this, but do you have one more song to take us out into commercial? Sure, and do you have a song that you wanted to hear, Scott, a topic that you wanted to hear about? I mean, I loved, the 60s to me were all about peace

and love and- Oh, I have many know, peace and love. And, and. Oh, I have, I have many songs about peace and love, Scott. I'm happy to do one right now. Mm. Mm. Peace and love, peace and love, that's what I'm speaking of. These are the values of my generation.

Well, that's gonna be hard to rhyme. But the only kind of peace and love that I most enjoy is when I'm at that police station. Okay, he did it. All right, I'm interrupting. Get your guns. I'm interrupting. Get your guns. All right, we have to take a break.

This is, I don't know. I'm interrupting. Get your guns. I'm interrupting. All right, we have to take a break. This is, I don't know. I'm regretting having you on first. Well, I think, Scott, I think your listeners will be so happy that there's somebody out here saying the truth. Yeah. I don't know that they're going to be happy, but I'm happy because we're cutting away from you and we're going to a break.

But look, when we come back, this is an incredible episode. We have an opinion-haver, we have a plumber. I never thought I would be looking forward to them more than one of my favorite singers who's apparently gone crazy from LSD coming back from World War II in 1955. Well, thank you, Scott. And if anybody's still over there and they listen to this radio show- A lot of people are over there. But if anybody's still fighting over there and listening to this radio show. A lot of people are over there. But if anybody's still fighting over there and listening to this radio show, you can just say, and I'm just gonna tell you the war is over, but if you need backup, call me.

Okay, we need to take a break. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Thank you, Scott. Comedy Bang Bang. We are here with Glenn Plappinger, folk singer, he didn't abruptly take off during the commercial, which I thought he, maybe I hoped he would. I'm still here, Scott, and can be called upon at any time I'm needed. So are you going to be totally silent other than being called upon?

I can't be silent this day and age, Scott. Everybody's got to speak out and say their piece. I didn't think so. Yeah. All right. Well, have you ever had any opinions? Uh-oh. I shouldn't have asked that. Scott, I've got many opinions and I think we've heard some of them in my music and I'm happy to

always jump in with another unfounded, ungrounded opinion if you ever need one. I don't think so. But we have to get to our next guest. He's an opinion-haver. I don't know exactly what that is, but please welcome to the show Paul Dudley. Hello, Scott. How are you? I'm good. Where? Well, look, if it's not... Before you get to your thing, where are you from? What is that?

This voice? Yeah. Right away, you're coming in on the voice? I'm from, if you must know. Because you gave it kind of a, ooh, when you first started. Yes, that's right, ooh. And then, which I don't know if that's like a regional dialect thing as much as an affectation.

I don't know either, I'm not in charge of dialects. But you sound like you have sort of an affectation. An affectation. Yes. An accent. Yes. I'm from Northwestern Connecticut, if it's all right with you. Oh, it's Western. A North-Western.

Haven't been up there. It's a rural area. Tiny state, I don't know. Tiny's relative, ask Rhode Island if it's all right with you. Oh, it's western. A north-western. Haven't been up there. It's a rural area. Tiny state, I don't know. Tiny's relative, ask Rhode Island if it's tiny. Like a state like Rhode Island, should they be allowed to call anything north-west, south-east, you know? It's just kind of there.

Oh, you mean Connecticut? Should they be allowed to call it? Well, I'm saying a state like, something that's very tiny. They shouldn't. Rhode Island is 100% east. Wonderful. Wherever you are in Rhode Island, you're 100% east. You're always east. Yeah. Yes. Welcome to the show, Paul. Oh. Wherever you are in Rhode Island, you're 100% East. You're always East.

Yeah. Yes. Welcome to the show, Paul. Oh, thank you so much. What did you wanna say? I have a newsletter that I'm promoting in which I write my opinions. All right, so we established, I believe, last- You sound disinterested pretty early.

Well, I'm just saying, we established last week, here's the level of guests we get. Okay. And the stars are back, certainly, now that- The stars are back on where? On Comedy Bang. Oh, great are back, certainly, now that the stars are... The stars are back! On where? On Comedy Bank. Oh, great. So, occasionally we'll have movie stars.

She'll love it. Love having movie stars on the show. So good. You know who I love? What's that? Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks? One of our best.

One of the best. Yeah, he did that Saving Private Ryan, which were you there at D-Day or? Yes, I was in D-Day and then I turned right back around and headed, because I didn't think we won. Because you were like, denied for me. I was like, see you later. And I went right back.

D-You later. D-Day. But anyway, so movie stars. Yes, then under that, if we can't get a movie star, we get a TV star. Okay, yeah, it sounds all right. We love our TV stars. Sure.

It's the idiot box people call it, but I think that's disrespectful because it's a wonderful invention. Underneath that we have musicians. And then we have authors. Okay, you're starting to go less spectacular is what you're saying. And then occasionally we'll have to reach out to podcasters.

Oh, the worst. It's terrible. The lowest of the low. Just awful stuff. They couldn't do anything else? Yeah. So they had to do that. And now we have a guy with a newsletter. Yes. A sub stack. A sub stack. A sub stack.

And it's gaining subscribers. Do you have any problems with sub stack? Yes, I do. I know what you're going to talk about. Their permissiveness of extreme views often hate speech seems to have made its way into sub stack in some forms. Yes, I know. I know. All right. But you know, you're all in on the platform at this point. Okay, yeah, sure. I'm a hundred percent in on Substack. Look, I don't know. My grandson set me up on it and I was like, great, something I could write. How old are you, by the way? I don't know why that matters! I don't know if I want to tell you. How old is your grandson? Maybe I can do the math from that. Well, now I'm wary of giving you information,

but if you must know, he is 17 years old. 17 years old. Okay, yes. So you're probably somewhere in the 51 at the lowest. I don't, you know- 180 at the highest. I said 180 years old. Look at me, you think that's possible?

I have no idea. I mean, you look- Just based on the one piece of information. By the way, stop flexing. idea. I mean, you look- Just based on the one piece of information. By the way, stop flexing. I'm working, I'm proud of my body. Okay. I started doing yoga this year, Scott.

Did you really? Have you ever done it? Occasionally, yeah. It's great. Yeah, what type of yoga do you do? I do cold yoga. Cold, really? So like in a freezer?

In a freezer! In like a walk-in refrigerator? The muscles contract and then you have to keep going to keep them warm. This is like a cold plunge, but for yoga, is that what you mean? I guess so, yes. Do you ever sweat during that or? No, it's only in restaurants.

You go into the walk-in freezer and they have yoga classes and you can only have like one or two. Do you have to pretend to be like a Kitchen Nightmares host or something like that in order to gain access? I've never seen the show, so I wouldn't be good at it. But you know what the concept is, so you can at least... I don't know what the concept is.

Okay, so Gordon Ramsay. Who is that? Um... No, no, the class is being held, so they know about it. So you go and you show your like... So then you do know what the concept of Kitchen Nightmares is. I know, I know. Okay.

I'm not proud of having watched television, but you know, I see it, so yeah. And I have a newsletter, it's called I'm Fed Up. You're fed up. And it's things I'm fed up with. We're all fed up with things. Sure. And so I write about the things I'm fed up with.

Okay, well that's wonderful. And it feels so good to get those opinions off my chest. So you're sort of a columnist more than a- An op-ed is really- Yeah, when you say you're an opinion-haver, it- Who, yes, that's- It seems like, you know- What I wanted to say was an op-ed writer,

but since it's not for a newspaper, strictly speaking, that didn't feel like an accurate title. I mean, you're writing your editorial opinion. That's what I think. I guess editorial is not involved in the sense of, do you have any bosses or anything like that? No, it's just me. So really just the up.

Right, okay. So I'm an up writer. So you're an up guy. I'm an up guy, yes. Self-published through Substack, a platform which I begrudgingly have to endorse 100%. And yes, and I write things about that I'm fed up with. What are some of your opinions,

if you don't mind me asking? Oh, thank you for asking. Okay. Number one, Venmo. The buttons are not reactive enough, and the search is inefficient. Okay. That's a column I wrote about.

You try to search for a name on Venmo, Scott. Let's say you were on Venmo, okay? And I try to type your name, and I guarantee you it wouldn't come up, even if I'd sent you money several times. Right. What's going on with that?

I don't, I don't. It's infuriating. Glenn, are you on Venmo? Do you know what he's talking about? I've only tried to make one Venmo in my life to Robert Kennedy's campaign in it. $2,000? $2,000, every single, all my residuals.

From what? From my record sales. I don't every single, all my residuals. From what? From my record sales. I don't know that you call those residuals. That's kind of a term for like actors. Oh, yeah, well, I- Royalties, maybe? Royalties, yes, residuals, whatever you wanna call them,

and I tried to give them to Robert Kennedy Jr. And they wouldn't go through. Wouldn't go through, what does that mean? Well, he doesn't have a Venmo or somebody else got them. Somebody said thank you when I sent it. Well, you know, Glenn, is it? Glenn. I hope I'm not being rude when I tell you

that your songs are unusual. Some would say unusable. Pro police? That's probably... I'm hugely anti-police. Really? That's my own personal opinion. What's your issue with the police?

I just, they're annoying and smug. The guys in my neighborhood. Well, what kind of police are you hanging out with? The Litchfield Beat Cops. You're from Lynchfield? Litchfield, not Lynchfield, my goodness. It's a common, I mean. I mean, it's common, but it's nuts.

You know? They should probably take it out of town titles. I don't think there should be town titles. Lynchburg is out since, no, this is Lichfield. Yeah, this is Lichfield. Named after a village in England. Oh, I see. Yes, that's right.

Have you been to the UK? No, have you? I'm going there. I heard your announcements. Don't go. You listen to. Don't go. Oh yes, because you had a negative experience.

Well, I fought there. You were fighting in England? I thought you were in, you mentioned Berlin. Well, I fought all over Europe, Scott. I fought everywhere. Those were our allies. Everywhere I thought the war was, I fought. What kind of weapons would you use in your murders? Do you know, what are they called, the two bullet things? Yes, yes, I had those. You know, just with the bullets you would kill people? So you would just throw bullets at people? I had a bow and arrow at different times that had an explosive tip.

You shot a bullet with a bow and arrow? You see you were like a Rambo type of guy. We didn't have that then. It was completely new at the time. You were a proto Rambo. I was a proto Rambo. What a confusing death it must be to see somebody hoist back a bow and arrow and then seconds later you see yourself exploding.

Especially if you're on the train in Birmingham. Incredible. What a baffling last moment. What an incredible story. What a baffling last moment. They say there, the tube. That's good to know if I ever- Thanks for clarifying.

That's the most important part of everything you said. I mean, write that down, the tube if I ever- The tube, yeah. I was, I'd like to go to Lichfield, England. Yeah. But the beat cops in Litchfield are smug, arrogant men, and so I wish that the whole establishment was disbanded. Are you a victim of crime of some sort or?

Yes, thank you for asking. It's not a question I usually ask. I have been a victim of crime. What crimes have you been a victim of? Well, I once ordered from my local Starbucks a grande pike place with whole milk from their mobile ordering thing, and it never showed up, and that's $4 that was stolen from me.

So you actually paid for it? Did you bring it to their attention? Yes. And what did they say? They said, quiet down. You are very loud. You're getting worked up about nothing. We're sick of you, and they kicked me out.

It may have been the way you were approaching the problem. I mean... Facts are facts. I was $4 out. And so that's a crime, which I filed with the police department. I don't know that it's a crime as much as something you bring up with the Better Business Bureau or something like that. Better Business Bureau. That's good advice. Sure, but yeah.

Happy to give it to you. Hang on a second, let me write that down. Better Business Bureau. Why are you writing with a quill? Scott Wachman sent me, excuse me for a moment, I don't trust my phone. How do you transfer all of that writing to your sub stack? My grandson takes a photograph of my fool scab

and then he somehow uploads it to the super space. The somehow's doing a lot of heavy lifting here. And he gets it from his phone to the substack. So my substack is all image-based. Oh, okay, really. So AI can't scan it. I believe it can. What?

They're scanning a lot of it. What a bummer. Thank God. You're in favor of AI? Yes, I am. You're out of your mind. Of course. You're listening to just the announcements at the top of the show?

I got lost in the melodies. I wasn't listening to the lyrics. Yeah, yeah. What are some of your other opinions? Okay, great. So, okay, here's what I hate. Poor line management. Oh, I thought you were going to say the poor, which I also hate.

No, the poor. Aren't you poor? You've only gotten $2,000 worth you were gonna say the poor, which I also hate. No, the poor. Aren't you poor? You've only gotten $2,000 worth of royalties over the years? Scott, there are other ways to make money other than royalties. Why, what do you have on the side? What's your side hustle?

Scott, all I do is play music, but there's certain incentivized bonuses involved when you play music at a protest and then help the police out. I see. So I'm on and then help the police out. Ah, I see. So I'm on the payroll of several police organizations. So the police are paying you? I'm a Royal Order of Police member.

Royal Order? Royal Order of the Sheriff's Society, the Beat Cops of various... So they call themselves the Beat Cops? They call themselves the beat cops? They predate the formation of America? The beat cops, they call themselves the beat cops because they love to beat people down. I've never seen it in Litchfield, but they certainly love to give you some side eye.

Yeah, especially if you're yelling at people in a coffee shop. Well, if you've been robbed, that's their job to fix. Anyway, line management is something I really like. Yeah, what do you mean when you say line management? Okay, so let's say you go to a bank, all right? And like, you know, there's, and it's, they're all circ, you know, it's one line with like four tellers.

And so whatever teller's ready, you can go to next. We know the concept of a bank. Okay, so you know that. That's good. In England, they call it a queue. This is, I'm learning a ton. They call a bank a queue? They call a bank a queue and they call a line a cord. Wow.

A line a cord and they call the underground railroad a... What do they call the Honda Accord? What do they call the Honda queue? Oh my gosh, circular. All right, so what... So that's good line management. That's good. If it's like several people are servicing one line.

But let's say you go into that same Starbucks, several lines and several people, and there's no management of which line goes with which cashier. And if you're stuck with some sort of numbskull cashier, doesn't know it's not good, then you got a short shrift. It's bad line management. Most grocery stores have bad line management. So you were allowed back in the Starbucks? Yes, they had to. I got a writ.

Okay, so the the my brother is the mayor. Your brother is the mayor of Litchfield. Litchfield? Yes. Really? How did he get to be mayor? He's a great guy. He's a great guy. That's a sweetheart of a guy. It's a small place. You know, you shake a couple hands. He's part of the two hands and you're in his hair.

Couple hands. I don't know how many he shook, you know, you keep saying couple two. Yeah, two or three. I don't know. I mean, couple of hands. He's part of the two hands and you're in as mayor. Couple of hands. I don't know how many he shook, you know. You keep saying couple, two? Yeah, two or three. I don't know. I mean, he was quick. He declared his candidacy in October and he was elected in November, just last year. So October what?

October 31st? Yeah. Well, no, because that was Halloween. So it was, I think like October 20th, somewhere. 20th, okay. So about a week, a week and a half. That's right, because we were celebrating the Bolshevik Revolution.

We were celebrating the October Revolution, which me and my brother do for a hoot. He's lucky the election wasn't stolen. Well, you know, you're a card. You're a card and a half. I, no, well, so my brother's mayor and he's- So he offered you a writ to go back to- He issued a writ that the Starbucks had to allow me back in.

Okay, so you're back in the Starbucks and you have a problem with the line now. Well, the line management's crazy. Right, and did you start yelling at them again? Well, I made some suggestions. They said it was too loud. Some loud suggestions. I'm four or five back in line. I'm like, I got this numbskull Bernie at the front of my line.

Did you use the word numbskull? I used the word numbskull. His skull might be numb. I'll tell you this, he's not a reactive child. You don't get tired of bad line management? You look like the kind of fastidious gentleman who walks into a retail establishment. It's one of those things where you take your chances

and half the time you end up in the wrong line. Well, why should we settle for that? You think there should be just one line in every place? Every place that has a line think there should be just one line in every place? Every place that has a line, there should be one feeder line into however many service agents there are. A grocery store's gonna be so much better if you got into one big line

and just the fastest cashier could cycle through as many people as they could. Does that incentivize though the fastest cashier? Because I think the fastest cashier is there like proud of his line and proud that he's getting people through. What Vladimir Lenin would say is that if you trust the people to do work, they'll do it. Okay, I'm in between you guys. Vladimir Lenin was probably the greatest man he's ever been around. Now listen,

so yes, I know what you're saying, like why the fast people just tend to be fast. They just tend to be almost compulsively like a task completer. Whereas this kid Bernie at Starbucks, I'm telling you this kid. So you're a Bernie bro. I'm an anti-Bernie bro. I'm anti this Bernie bro. Okay.

Yeah. I'm a regular Bernie bro, but lowercase Bernie. I think of this kid as having a lowercase name. I'm anti Bernie bro. These are a lot of clarifications. Well, read my substack and it's all in there. I don't think I'm going to. Why not? It's free. Well, there's a paid level. What do you offer with the paid level? Paid level, every month I'll come to your house and I'll complain about whatever you'd like. If you have someone who annoys you,

I'll get right in their face. One person took me up on it. And what happened? My brother took me up on it. Your brother took you? He's the mayor, he shouldn't be having to do this. He's a riot, he's a riot. He sounds funny. I went over to his house and I said, oh, I didn't know it was him

because he did it under a pseudonym. Okay, but you know his address. He must have gone over to his place. Once I was getting there, I was like, this is crazy, did my brother- How far away does he live from you? Next door. Okay.

But I didn't put it together until I sort of you know, I sort of like entered it in, my grandson entered it into his Google Maps and we're walking over and this is Roy's house. And then it was, you know, I was like, but this guy's name is Mark Twain. But then it turned out it was Roy. It was right. And what, who did he want you to go yell at? Me. He wanted you to yell at yourself? He pointed at a mirror and I said, you paid for it. And I went and screamed at myself in the mirror. Was that pleasurable for yourself? It was. I actually found it arousing.

Really? Me and my wife. You're married. This is the biggest shocking revelation of your entire interview. You think that's? Me and my wife Mildred have a wonderful marriage. I can barely take two seconds of you.

How long have you been married? If we had lunch, you'd find me charming by the end. I don't think we're having lunch. 21 years. It's gonna take till the end of a lunch? I think so, yeah, that's not so long. I don't have that kind of time. I eat fast.

How fast do you eat? Pretty quick, I mean, you know, if you, okay, an average pita-based sandwich, I'd say I could eat it in, I don't know, six bites. A pita-based sandwich? Sure, if you had a pita-shaped sandwich, that, well, as opposed to, because it's two pieces of bread,

the size is so variable. I could even pick out one restaurant that serves sandwiches and pitas. I was thinking that the pita, it was a pita-based sandwich, so it was a, the pita was the insides of the sandwich. Right. Okay, look, I'm not a, I'm not a grammarian.

That sounds amazing, to have like just two slices of white bread and a big pita in between. Sounds kind of bland to me, but I... Just a lamb... No sauce. A lamb patty with bread in the middle. That's what I like.

I love a good pita-based sandwich, so I don't know. That's what I think of it. I thought you were talking about pita, the P-E-T-A. I love those guys. Oh, I hate those guys. Those guys I love, yeah. You love them. Yeah.

The protection... What is it? The protection and ethical treatment of animals, right? Yeah, yeah, sure. Why not? Why not? Be nice to the animals. Yeah, the protection, what is it? The protection and ethical treatment of animals, right? Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, why not? Why not? Be nice to the animals.

Yeah. But a PETA-based sandwich, I guess, would be, would that be? It'd be plant-based, probably. Oh, I see. I thought it would be made out of the members of PETA, like some sort of cannibal situation. No, I do, I mean, there are some people

who would appreciate that, but I'm not one of them. I don't like cannibalism, either. Yeah, I have a hard stance on that. Well, it's rude. It, yeah, it is rude. Cannibalism is rude. Like you, you, you imagine your death. Yes.

And you're out there going like, Oh boy, I hope I die in bed. Everyone wants to die in bed. I don't get that either. I want to die standing up. I'd love to die in a huge explosion. And then they've, they're forced to bury you. If you die standing up, they're forced to bury you standing up. That's right.

That's why it used to be six feet under, because everyone used to die standing up. Because it was so, heart attacks were so common. And then they invented beds and everyone's like, let me take a load off here. And now everyone's like horizontal. Anyway, but when I die, everyone imagines the way they die. Me too. You know?

But then no one imagines like, oh, I'd be so tasty if someone were to just start gnawing on me. That's all I imagine. If I saw some rogue soldier with a bow and arrow firing a bullet at me and right before it hit me, he's like, I'm gonna eat you. I would be so mad. It's a very confusing day. At that point in the...

Especially if you're in Berlin in the 50s. At that point in the war, meat was meat. It'd be very confusing. You didn't have a lot of rations, I would imagine, coming to you from HQ. At that point, they weren't rationing anything in the 50s. Everything was free and easy to get. My wife Mildred loves me, by the way. We have a great marriage.

Okay. I believe you. We're ethically non-monogamous. Okay. Polly. You're Polly. A lot of senior citizens are Polly. Not that I'm confirming that I'm a senior citizen.

Okay. So who else are you with? There's a little sort of network of people you find out about, you know, sort of like the society. Okay, yeah. Are there websites? Because you're not a tech savvy guy. The lifestyle. How do you hear about it? Word of mouth. Word of mouth.

And show of hands. Show of hands? Yes. In most public places, I just say, hey, no pressure. Who's Polly here? If anybody's Polly and interested, quick show of hands. People put their hands up, you go over, get the phone number, you know, you follow up. Yeah. Wow.

Show of hands is great. I got a whole column about being pro show of hands. People don't like to show their hands all that much anymore. Are they ashamed of their hands? I don't get it. It's been working since the Greeks. Yeah, exactly. You know?

We used to vote that way, now it's like, oh, okay, the ayes have it, the nays have it. Yeah, exactly. You know? We used to vote that way. Now it's like, oh, okay, the eyes have it. The nays have it. It's like, hey, show of hands, baby. Or write it on a piece of paper and then somebody like Bernie's counting and it's like, who knows? Yeah, exactly.

Who knows what happened? So anyway. This Bernie guy. He's a nightmare. I can't believe this guy. He must be- He's a numbskull. Was last name, but he's a numbskull, exactly.

Yeah. It's a Nimrod. Yeah. You like coffee then? Love it. Why don't you just brew it at home? It's cheaper. What are you talking about? You don't have to deal with these people.

I can't do it as well as they do. I like that burnt taste. That bitter, awkward Starbucks taste. Yes, you taste it, it's like, this is like, it's mad at me. I like Starbucks was sort of like Domino's where they came out and said, yes, everyone, we know our coffee tastes like shit.

Here's a new blend that people will actually love. I've gotten acclimated to it. I don't like coffee unless it hurts. I want it to rip down my throat like it's a razor blade. So I love Starbucks, but Bernie's ruining it. I tell you, his last name must be Starbucks. It's the only reason he could work there. You don't know his last name.

This is a small town. I know. I don't want to fight out because I know I'll be stalking him again. And the police have told me I gotta cut it out. Yeah, you gotta stay away from Bernie. Even though your brother's the mayor. It seems like he's been trying to help you out

with your situation. I wouldn't say that. You yell at a mirror. Oh, my brother. Your brother, yeah. Not Bernie. No, Bernie. He could give two shits.

Yeah, but Bernie. He's a jackass. He's out there living his life. Oh no, I doubt it. You doubt he's alive? No, I know, I don't, I wouldn't- Is this a confession? No, I'm not kidding. I wouldn't confess to murdering Bernie,

but if I did, I'd keep it quiet. Is Bernie murdered? He's not murdered. Okay. I saw him last week. He's a backup bass player in a band. He could be murdered. He's a backup bass player.

That's right. So he's like an understudy. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. I go to all their shows. You go to all their shows? Yes. And has Bernie ever You go to all their shows? Yes.

And has Bernie ever played at any of the shows? Technically, he's playing along with the main guy at all the shows. So he's a backup guy in case the first guy's bass gets unplugged? That's what they call a double bass, Scott. I don't think that's a double bass. So he's just playing there along. He looks like a crazy person. I just shout, this is insane.

They're a cover band. You don't need to be shouting at people. This is their art. They can do whatever they want. I can't believe I'm the only one who doesn't notice it. I'm sure everyone notices it. It's kind of driving them crazy. If you walked into an establishment

with poor line management, there's a band and two bass players. You're not going to be like, what's going on? They're playing in the Starbucks. Sometimes, yes. They have employee talent night at the Starbucks. It drives me crazy. Yeah. One girl does watercolors live. They're playing in the Starbucks. Sometimes, yes. They have employee talent night at the Starbucks. Tries to be crazy.

One girl does watercolors live. I'm like, who cares? Finish them. Finish them and then bring them in here. When she finishes, they look pretty good. Sure, that's pretty good, but I don't need to see you making them. So, what art form do we actually like to watch

the creation of as it goes? Sculpture. Sculpture, we like to watch that. Live sculpture is fascinating. Glass blowing. Sure, that's terrific. to watch that. Live sculpture's fascinating. Glass blowing. Sure, that's terrific. Yeah. Anything with a hard sub- Improv.

Nope, I like a concrete product. Some would say the process is the final product with improv. I don't like improv. The Herald's, the third beats are too short these days! Yeah, these opinions you have. I wrung out of several sub-stacks on that. Yeah. You seem like an improv teacher, though, just generally.

In what way? The way you're yelling and... I don't think that's a proper... ...have strong opinions that are kind of meritless and not based in... No, there's several improv schools in Litchfield. There are! Several. There's a lot of improv.

They're at war with each other. War? By the way, I saw your eyes light up, Glenn. I would love to. I was part of the improv wars back in the 70s. Comedy sports versus the ground line versus the committee from Chicago. It gets pretty heated in Litchfield. You know a lot about improv. Some would say too much. You walk down Main Street in Litchfield, you can't avoid it. Can't avoid it. They're doing like improv everywhere out there on Main Street?

They're out there on the streets. They're doing like flash mobs over here, live heralds over here. Would you say it's too small to support this much improv and this much polyamory? The polyamory's going great, so that's not a problem. That's okay. I would think the improv and the polyamory are inexorably linked. The polyamory community will not accept the improviser. Which is weird, because they seem like synonyms. polyamory are inexorably linked. The polyamory community will not accept the improvise.

Which is weird, because they seem like synonyms. I would think the circles would be just laying on top of each other. You'd think so. I'm sure the improv guys are boinking each other like crazy, but they're not part of our little poly swinging, swinging world. A lot going on.

The center will not hold, Scott. The center will not hold. I gotta get out there to Lynchfield. Come by, Lynchfield. It's not Lynch. I don't know. It's not like Jane Lynch bought a town. She could at this point.

Unfortunately, she should change her name. You know what she should, I never thought about it until right now. I guess if my name was like, you know, Paul Execution. Your name is like what your ancestors used to do for a living. It's not good, yeah. So your ancestors were duds, I guess?

I guess so. You know what, I'm not ashamed of that. They were ancestors were duds, I guess? I guess so! You know what, I'm not ashamed of that. Well, they were firework makers, perhaps, and they made a few duds, or? Yeah, they were inefficient ammunition makers, you know? Duds. Wow, well, look, Paul. Can I just plug the name of my Substack

just in case people want to? Would you not like me to do that? No, go ahead. Want me to wait for your little special plugs area? Yeah, but go ahead and plug. Paul has opinions, and he's fedup.substack.com. That's too long. I don't think so.

I can't even remember you just said it. Paul has opinions and he's fed up. You're gonna have to go slower. Paul? Your name's Paul? Yes, my name's Paul. See, this is the thing, I don't care because you're never gonna come back.

I was, I don't know why you think that. I feel like I'm a bit of a recurring sort of energy. I don't know about that. Look, all right, we have to take a break. When we come back, this guy whose name I'm seeing is Paul Dudley. Paul Dudley. Is going to be here. Also Glenn Plappinger. Oh, and a plumber is going to be here. Love plumbers. This is very exciting. Never thought the plumber would be the most exciting guest, but- Who says they are? All right, we'll see. When we come back,

we'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this! Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Glenn Plappinger is here, folk singer to the stars. Hello, Scott. Hello. Is that your catchphrase? Yeah. Oh, have I been on this whole time? When do we start the program? No, we've been doing the program. Oh, we have.

Yeah, all those songs you sang. Oh, well, that's wonderful. Were you singing them just to get acquainted with me? I thought, you know, when people ask me to sing a song, Scott, I sing a song whether the microphone's on or the residuals are rolling in. Yeah, it doesn't sound like they're rolling in because it sounds like you made not even $2,000 because-

I made $2,000 because the Venmo crashed. Venmo could not send it to Robert Kennedy Jr. Because the funds were insufficient. Funds were insufficient, but also the recipient wasn't sufficient. So it was a two-way process. It was a two-way process. That's why I like blockchain.

Sure, why not? And we also have Paul Dudley here. Thank you. Who is an op guy. Yes, an op writer. Yeah, an op writer. Yes, my substrate. Special Ops. Special O ops, I'd love to be part of that. Yeah. What is it? Well, that's, we didn't have, we didn't call it special ops back when I was in the service,

but it's basically, uh, sneaking around. Doing stuff off the books. Sneaking around, doing stuff off the books. Wet work. That's right. So you know what wet work is? You don't know what special ops are? I'm like, you're a fan of spy novels. And you don't know what special ops are? No, never come across that too. You know what the skunk works are, but you don't know how the skunks are making what they make. Is that right? I guess that's right. Yeah.

My sub stack makes $5 a month, by the way. Really? Congratulations, you have one subscriber? That's right. Your brother? Correct. And this is a charity subscription? I don't think so. He wants me to yell at people every month.

I, it's better you do it on the internet than in person, this Bernie guy. Feel for him. Bernie, if you're listening. He's not listening. You feel for Bernie. You feel the burn. He couldn't find his ears in his own head

to plug the little pods in his brain to hear this. This is an unattractive quality about you, I have to say. Wait to see, trust me, you'd be on my side if you saw Bernie. And your wife loves you, but not enough to be monogamous with you. It was her idea, true, but um... And can you find anyone else to be Polly with? I haven't yet, but I'm open to it. Yeah, okay.

She's going nuts. All right, we need to get to our next guest. She's a plumber. She's going nuts. All right, we need to go to our next guest. She's a plumber, she's actually my plumber. Please welcome to the show, Leanne Lee. Scott, I've been here since 8 a.m. and all of your toilets are just fucked. Yeah. Nice to meet you, Glenn.

Hi, hi there. I'm a huge fan. I'm a huge fan. Gotta say, huge fan. I'm a huge fan of the trains. Been listening to your music since before I could walk or talk. Oh, really? So approximately zero to eight months or so?

I'd say so, yeah, Scott. I had a bunch of baby songs, didn't I? You did, yeah. That's sort of the last time I spent time with my father. Oh, really? Oh. So. Sorry, this is getting very personal for my plumber. It's okay, I'm kind of an open book, Scott. I spent time with my father. Oh, really? Oh. So. Sorry, this is getting very personal for my plumber.

It's okay, I'm kind of an open book, Scott. I'm here all the time. You asked to be on the show. You know, Scott. When this could just be a personal conversation we have or a professional conversation. Yeah, so, you know, I don't know if you guys know this about me, I am a plumber.

Yeah, I introduced you as such. Yes, of course, sorry, of short-term memory loss from the war. Which war? All of them. Oh, wow. Every war, wow. I've sort of had a hand in every single one.

There's one going on currently that a lot of people don't know about. Oh, no. That America's involved in? We're not officially boots on the ground anywhere as far as I know. So they say. Is this the Ukraine or?

So they say. So they say. I can't really discuss it. It's an op situation. Special ops. Special ops. And how are you involved? You're a plumber.

Well, so- I guess infantry men take shit. That, of course, I've had sort of a dark, sordid past, Scott. And, you know, I do a lot of work on this house and I see Scott sitting down with, you know, all these interesting people. I thought to myself, I need a friend.

I'd like to have a conversation. You've been working on the toilets for weeks, if not months at this point. What is going on? You say they're all fucked? Yeah, I'd say, you know, stuffing old script pages down the toilet or something you can't really do, Scott.

You know? Well, look, I mean- There's trash cans, there's paper shredders. I was upset the show didn't get made. What show was that, Scott? Yeah, what show was that, Scott? I thought it was really gonna be fun. It was a show called Pilot,

and it was all about a pilot. And then every episode was called Pilot, because that's the character. And everyone just thought it was too confusing. Yeah. It's a real Heat Vision and Jack situation. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. All right.

I don't know how you know what you're talking about. You know, there's wads of paper down there, Scott. Well, I mean, this is your job. Can't you just get them out, or? It's a lot of paper, Scott, and I'm meticulous about my work because I care. So if there's a lot of something, you can't do anything about it?

If there's a lot of something, it's gonna take longer for me to do it than if there wasn't a lot of something. Just out of curiosity, sorry to barge in. You say all the toilets are fucked? Well, there's about four toilets in this house, I'd say. Oh my gosh. Four and a half. Incredible. Yeah, the half one is, there's about four toilets in this house, I'd say. Oh my gosh. Four and a half.

Incredible. Yeah, the half one is, that's just a broken toilet. That's your, I've asked you to fix it. Well, I like to call half toilets bidets, you know, cause I think they're a crock of shit. Um, you know, nothing's touching my starfish as far as I'm concerned. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah.

But I, I- So why are you talking on Mike? Because if the toilets are fucked, you should just be getting to those, right? There's stuff I gotta... There's downtime, there's lunch hour. I mean, I don't know... Is this your lunch hour or am I paying you right now?

And I just thought, you know, Scott, I'm here often. You know, I consider us... It's okay, you know what? I consider us friends, Scott. I'm not above you or anything like that. I don't consider us friends. Well, it seems like you are, Scott. No, no, no. And frankly,

as the only woman at this table, I'm offended. I'm a friend to the working person. Why? The working people don't have much to say, Scott, and as long, I hope you're not any- No, no, I don't agree with Glenn here. Let me tell you something, Glenn. I have a sordid dark past.

I was in the Coast Guard for many years. Oh, I remember that time. Spent a lot of time on shore, on boats. That made me- Which coast? All of them. Oh, so Atlantic Pacific? I'd have to say so, yeah. Wasn't really sure where I was when I was there,

but I know that it was close to a coast on the water, just sort of helping people out. Maybe you started at the Pacific, go through the Panama Canal and up in the Atlantic. We used to call the Coast Guard the JV Navy. That rhymes. That's all right. The Coast Guard hated it when we said that

and we'll probably get letters from you saying that. I tried to get into the Navy, but I was allergic to the uniform. Oh no, really. That sucks. Common problem. Yeah, I'm an eczema sufferer. Hey, upside down.

Can I have a bite of your sandwich? Oh yes, of course. I just noticed your lunch, upside down, can I have a bite of your sandwich? Oh yes, of course. I just noticed your lunch is out. Why would you need a bite of that sandwich? Sounds like you're already choking. Well, it's my favorite sandwich. It's two pieces of white bread with a piece of pita bread in the middle.

Something my father used to make for me before he passed. A pita based sandwich. Okay. I wanna take a bite of that, tell me what you think about it. Now, normally one would rip off part of the sandwich and hand it to you, but you just took, you just put all your saliva on her sandwich.

Detached his jaw like a snake in the woods. Like that lady in V, the miniseries. I don't mind it. Thank you so much. I'm starved for physical attention. No one knows that reference, Scott, but me, cause I was old enough to remember. Well.

I appreciate you not being offended by it. People shouldn't be so fussy about each other's germs. I agree, Paul, I agree. They all come from the same place, Earth. There you go. So they say. Do you have theories about these types of things? I've got theories.

As someone who was in the Coast Guard, I have some intel that most people do not. Intelligence. I got kicked out in the Coast Guard, I have some intel that most people do not. Intelligence. I got kicked out of the Coast Guard because I started a dog fighting ring out of my local lobster. Really? What would happen to the dogs that would lose?

Would you throw them overboard or? No, they just have like a stern talking to, I'd say. So the boat is just lousy with dogs at this point. A lot of dogs. So when they lose, they don't die. They're just like get to go back to someone's quarters. Just sort of the dark place of the boat, I'd say. The hole.

The hole. The half bath. Or we cook them. Oh gosh, really? Yeah. Okay. So yeah, how long were you in the Navy itself? It was in the Navy. Well long were you in the Navy itself?

It was in the Navy. Well, I was in the Navy for a week. I was allergic to the uniform. Then I went to the Coast Guard. Coast Guard, I'm sorry, how long were you in the Coast Guard? I was in the Coast Guard for a month and a half. Month and a half, okay. Yeah, and then from there, I sort of developed a love of clouds.

Oh. And- What it, meaning the, we all know what clouds are, but you love them. Just sort of general weather speaking. My dream is to become a weather woman. That has not pound out so far, I would say. So I turned to plumbing because I'm close to my hands.

Most people would say that because yeah, you're not a weather person. So, but can you give us a little example of what you would do if you were a weather person? As a weather person? Yeah. Mainly can you give us a little example of what you would do if you were a weather person? As a weather person? Yeah. Mainly I'm fascinated with Marine Layer. You know, you have the Marine Layer coming in

from the ocean. They always talk about it. What is it? Yeah, so the Marine Layer is sort of this like large cloud that sort of, you know, comes over most coastal towns. Los Angeles, it is a desert, but it also was a coastal town. And you know, you get that hay, that morning haze, that morning dew.

And then over time it starts to dissipate, you know? So I sort of, I love just sort of the aspect and the science of marine layer. Okay, yeah. You haven't said anything that's really scientific about it, but- Well, I explained it Scott Scott and that's science. I guess so.

Condensation, do you know condensation is Scott? Sure I do. Okay, science. That little water that's on the outside of your glass? I'm feeling disrespected, Scott. She's absolutely right, Scott. Science is a matter of inquiry, it is not a belief system. Thank you, Glenn.

I gotta say, I love these two guys. And before we continue, I'm not trying to, you know, overstep a boundary here. I have no boundary. I'm just merely trying to share with you, Paul, I am as well polyamorous. All right, good for you. So do you have a partner with whom you are a non-monogamous? Never had a partner. Way to go. Take that how you will. Okay. So anyway, back to Klaus. Can I just say something about you are, you look so relaxed. Your feet are up on the table, you are kicked back. You're like, you have one of those cigar cutters and you're-

I love me a cigar, I do. And you know, depending on when I'm working in a house for a long period of time, Sucasa is mi casa. Yeah, too long, because this was a one day job. One of our toilets was clogged. I've been here for weeks. I know. And then suddenly like you come to me and you say,

hey, your second is clogged. Then you say your third is also clogged. I'm like, well, are you gonna unclog the previous ones? Then you say the fourth one's broken. I gotta go within the belly of the house. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I'd to go within the belly of the house. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I'd have to say just sort of.

We'll do it then. I might need to, I might need to bunk here, Scott. I might need to bunk here, Scott. Wait, you have been going home at night? I might need to bunk here, Scott. Okay. What's going on in your home life? I just might need to bunk here, Scott. I, I, one, I guess one night is fine if you're trying to-

Can it be more than one? Are you wearing slippers right now? Are those slippers on your feet? Well, I mean, they're orthopedic, yeah, but they're slippers. And I work in sweats. I work in sweats and a house coat, yes. Yeah, you look like that cartoon character Blondie.

Do you know what that is, Glenn? Yes, I do. One of my favorites. So funny. I would laugh out loud. So funny. When I would get the paper in the mailbox. Oh, I loved it.

Oh, blah. Oh, every morning start with a laugh. Just a laugh. I'd go from that to family circus and then I would always end on a Cathy and I would just laugh and laugh. I'd shed a tear during the family circuses because it reminds me of my family.

Marmaduke, have you ever seen him eat a cake? I don't need comic strips. I've got the people of Lichfield for laughs for my cast of characters. I haven't seen a comic in a long time. Oh no. Oh really? What's going on? Well, I can't read.

Oh no. So when you saw one a long time ago, what happened? Well, I didn't really understand what the words were, but the pictures made me happy. Yeah. Yeah. Whenever I see a newspaper, I feel what, you know, the youth today would say triggered. So I just sort of don't interact.

Yeah. No, I can understand that. You know, it's not too late for you to learn how to read. Scott, can I get a beer? Does anyone need a beer? I'll take a beer. 10 in the morning. As long as it's American, Budweiser, please. All right, one second. Bud Light? Yeah, I'll take a beer. 10 in the morning. As long as it's American, Budweiser please. All right, one second. Bud Light?

Yeah, I'll take a Bud Light as long as it's. Budweiser for you, Laganitas for you. All right. Scott, I got you some Topo Chico, which is- I'm not drinking, it's 10 in the morning. It's the best of the waters. It's got that spice. No, I know this is my water, I bought it.

I know what it tastes like. No, I know where it is. I don't like that word triggered. In fact, every time when some of these protesters would say, I'm triggered, I'm triggered, I pull out this golden pistol and I'd say, are you triggered now? That's a good one. It's a beautiful pistol.

I must say, I'm not agreeing or disagreeing. I'm just saying that is a beautiful gun. It is beautiful. It's a beautiful gun. It's a beautiful gun. Best gun ever been on the show, I bet. Is it operable? I mean, everything is gold about it.

Everything's a, isn't life an opera Scott What is life an opera life is an opera? I love that song of yours that life is an opera. Yes. Yes That's my personal favorite. Oh, did you somebody want me to play life as an opera? I would I guess yeah, here we go It's been a hard week at work. I'm like all your songs with a G chord. Is that is that how they well You know, they call it the people's key So I guess this person knows how to play. Grab your daughters, grab your sons. Life is an opera when you've got a gun. Life is an opera when you've got a gun. Shoot it in the air and shoot it at the sky.

Life is an opera cause today you will die. I love that song. Is this the interrupting part? Yeah, absolutely. So it seems to be about like two rhymes and you're out? It's two rhymes, enough to get the point across and then we chase the kids down. 20 second songs.

Yeah, most songs should be that short. Oh, my first album had 37 songs on it and was just an A-side. Yeah, two rhymes, you get the point across, you're done. Two rhymes, we deliver, don't shoot the messenger, Scott, and you don't shoot the messenger if the message is quick. That's true, that's true. One of my essays is about how songs are too long these days.

Really? Yes, like, you know, Bruce Springsteen's Jungle Land? No, what is that? It's like a, it's half an hour long. That's 10 minutes. I don't like Bruce Springsteen. Me either. I never liked his politics, and I don't like him as a person.

You like that Born in the USA song, though, right? I love that song. And he didn't write it, which probably makes sense. Can I have another beer? I finished this one. Of course. You pounded that one. That's what I'm saying. If we had lunch, it'd be quick.

Look, Leanne is a guest on the show. Don't make her go get people beers. You're right, I'll get one. Leanne, would you like a beer? I would. She just got you one and now you're gonna go get her? Well, I like to drink two different beers at the same time. Right now I'm drinking, you have a lot of different beers, Scott.

Yeah. I have a subscription thing and it's A to Z across the world. Okay. There's a lot of angry orchard in there. Yeah. No, that was the A. Oh, okay. I kept like refreshing on it and what you're supposed to do is then go on to B. Right. I just kept like reordering the A's over and over again. Ends at White Claw, there's no drink after White Claw.

Can you get me a Delirium Tremens? All right, let me see. I have a question about what is a half bath? A half bath. Because Scott's got these four bathrooms, but he's got a half bath and I used it. And now let me tell you, there's no toilet in there. Yeah, you know, there's a difference there between half bath.

It still counts on the real estate listing if you only have a shower. That's true, yeah. And you know, that's why I'm here to save you that cost. Thank you. Wait, so you took all the toilets out? What is a shower but a toilet where you can get clean? We're in a process of making your home

as efficient as it possibly can be. But to answer your question, a half bath is very different. Really? From a powder room. Okay. Powder room does have a toilet and a sink. A half bath has a toilet and a sink. Well, back in the 60s, powder room

had a very different meaning, I can tell you that. I bet it did, Glenn. I bet it did. So you made it back to the States in time for the 60s. Yes, I did. And if you had a powder room, it was filled with the products of Bolivia. So cocaine in the 60s?

I'm telling you, Scott, I was always a decade early. I did LSD in the 50s, I did cocaine, find Bolivian marching powder in the 60s. So you were micro-dosing mushrooms like 10 years ago. You were Adderall addict in the 70s. You'd go to the, I'd go to the racetrack in the 80s just to get the ketamine. Hey, you guys want a robe? I found these robes in Scott's closet. Oh my.

Would you guys stop rifling through my stuff? Who wants a robe? Well, I'm wearing the green velvet one that says Scott on the back and the front. So you don't need one. I'll take a robe. Here's a robe. Scott, you want a robe?

Could I get my heavyweight champion of the world one? Sure. I thought this was a prop. Here you go. I mean, technically, yeah. All right. Clubber Lang wore this was a prop. Here you go. I mean, technically, yeah. All right. Clubber Lang wore it in Rocky III, I believe. Hey Scott, I have a question for you

since we're good buds, right? We're good friends. Sure, why not? We're good friends. Who's your best friend, Scott? One, two, three, me. None of you? Oh, no, I mean.

You don't need to say it like that. You don't need to just eliminate. I assumed it wasn't your best friend. I know, Scott. When asked who your friends are, no one ever starts with saying none of you. I'll tell you who it's not. It's really disrespectful. Although I guess I might say I'm not best friends with Bernie, so I guess I might. You know who's my best friend? My wife is my best friend. Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry. My friend Steve.

Okay. Okay. But she's number two? She's up there. Top 10? Hey Scott. Summer. Yeah. What question did you. Hey Scott, since we're good friends and I'm staying with you, what's your favorite kind of cloud, number one? Number two, who's your favorite actor? Sort of the cornerstone of how I get to know people.

Yeah, clouds, I guess the... Don't Google it. The... Don't Google it. This is easy, mushroom,room cloud and James Woods. James Woods. The actor, James Woods. Mushroom cloud, favorite cloud, favorite actor, James Woods.

It's not naturally occurring. Oh really? So do you only like natural clouds, organic clouds? I do, yes Scott. I don't fuck with chemical clouds. Yeah, yeah, like napalm and all that stuff. No. Yeah, you don't like that. No. No.

What are the types of clouds? There's cumulus clouds, Nimbus, Bromulus clouds, Cucupa clouds. You know, for someone who loves clouds to be going um after three examples is- Scott, that's just how I talk. I beg your pardon. That's disrespectful.

Okay, name all the other types of clouds. There's Kumbachi clouds, there's Remedin clouds. Amazon cloud service. I'm sorry? iCloud. Amazon cloud service. Amazon cloud service, iCloud, Cloud9. George Harrison.

George Harrison cloud, yes. My personal favorite would have to be Cumulus. Yeah, it's the one everyone thinks of when they think of clouds. Of course. What are the qualities of a Cumulus again? It's bulbous, round, you don't know what's going to happen next.

Like WC Fields knows. Yes, of course. I don't know what's going to happen next. Like WC Field's nose. Yes, of course. I don't know who that is. I hate to say, I have to go pee, and since the bathrooms seem to be clogged. You can pee in the sink. I'll do it. I really would rather you didn't.

It's more efficient if you pee in the sink, actually. Do you pee sitting down or standing up, Paul? Standing up 100% of my life. Me as well. You as well, really? Standing up 100% of my life. Sitting down 100%. Me as well. Yeah. You as well, really? Standing up. How do you get it in there? I've got a really incredibly strong pelvic floor.

Oh, I see. And I just sorta hunker down. Wow. It's kinda like a street hose. Why bother? Why bother? Why not just sit? I don't have time, Scott.

Oh yeah? I don't have time. That's the thing. Between the clouds and the toilets of America, I don't have time, Scott. Oh yeah? I don't have time. That's the thing. Between the clouds and the toilets of America, I don't have time. Yeah. Also, you know, my time as a coast guard, you know, I was the only woman on that ship.

And if I sat down at any moment, I was disrespected emotionally. Emotionally. Emotionally. Okay, yeah. So it's good to be at a high altitude, just like that cop on the horse. Ready for anything. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, ready for anything. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's good. Yeah. I'm back. Yeah, how'd it go? Pretty great. Did it go down the drain? Mostly, yeah. Hold on, let me check it real quick. I gotta check this back in this situation.

Yeah, this is kind of your responsibility, you know? I mean, look, I- Paul, why is it green? Oh, uh. Were you still drinking green beer from St. Patrick's day? I love it. I love gimmick beer. I love themed foods.

Looks like secret of the ooze in there. Very green. From TMNT too? One of my favorites. Paul, what's your favorite off-brand holiday? I guess, you know, Grassman and Secretary's Day, I guess, is my favorite. That's fantastic. That's one of my favorites for sure.

What's yours? Oh, God, I have a lot. Probably shit. I'd have to say National Screenwriters Day. Oh, yeah. I think that they're the backbone of this country. Oh, thank you so much. It's so nice.

You're a screenwriter? Well, I mean, I had all those screen pages. What movies have you made, Scott? Between Two Ferns. Hmm, I didn't catch that one. Color went out of his face on that. Shark Tale. Shark Tale's actually one of my favorite movies.

Are you fucking kidding me right now, Scott? Oh, you'll see my name in the credits there. Am I in the presence of greatness? Could I shake your hand? Your hands are covered with some sort of brown filth. It's my lotion. All right, I'll take your word for it. One of my best friends is Scott, the writer of Shark Tale.

Now, was that written by AI? One of, I don't take one of. You either write it whole or you don't write it at all. No, there were several writers on that project. Several writers wrote- Potato chips shark tail? Potato chips all around. If you can believe it. I got potato chips from Scott's cabinet.

Guys, these are- Let's have them. I was gonna have that for lunch today. You were gonna have a bag of chips for lunch, Scott? Yeah, I'm on a diet. You need to have one of my sandwiches. There's a lot of carbs in that. Carbs are good for you, carbs are brain food. I know, yeah, that's the thing.

When you, you know, you only lose weight if you don't have carbs, but you need the carbs to think. Well, since no one asked me, one of my favorite actors is Carrie Elwes. Oh yeah, from The Princess Bride. Yeah. What do you like about Carrie? Oh, wow. You really went inside yourself there. Do you find him attractive or? What do you like about Carrie? Wow.

You really went inside yourself there. You find him attractive or? He's just, he really hasn't had his moment. He kinda had one. Pretty good moment. Yeah, back in the 80s. Princess Bride is a beloved. I think-

He was in Robin Hood, Medant Heights. It's one of my favorite DVDs to look at, but never rent. I think he deserves a BAFTATA if you want me to be honest. A British? I guess he'd have to make something in the UK. He would, you know, or maybe you're so good that the British take notice. Well, if he ever gets a BAFTA, he could take that to the queue. You laughed at the end of that.

I laughed at the callback. I made myself laugh at that. I enjoyed it. Hey laughed at a callback. I made myself laugh at that. I enjoyed it. Hey. I gotta tell Roy. Everyone's gotta have a fan, even if it's yourself. I gotta tell that to Roy.

Yeah. He'll get a kick out of it. I bet he would. Yeah. Can Roy come on the show next time? I don't think so. He sounds like a delight. He's a huge fan.

Look, Leanne. It's sweet that you're close with your brother. Oh, thank you. Do you have family? You're my only family, Scott. I, look, Leanne, you gotta get out of the house. No. I'm gonna call another plumber.

I mean, honestly, you've- Scott, I swear to God, if you do that, I'll ruin your fucking life. You already have ruined my life. No, I'm a dear friend, and all I'm doing is helping you with your toilets. People are peeing in the sink. I gotta get you out of this house.

I gotta get a second opinion on this. I'm a joy to be around. I hang out with your wife. You're fr I gotta get you out of this house. I gotta get a second opinion on this. I'm a joy to be around. I hang out with your wife. You're frowning as you're shouting at me. You're hanging out with my wife? Your wife loves me. Really?

As a person. Really? Wait, you're not her best friend, are you? I'd have to say that I am, Scott. I don't know. I spent a lot of time talking to your wife about your toilets. Where the fuck are you? I feel like you don't have. I spent a lot of time talking to your wife about your toilets. Where the fuck are you?

I feel like you don't have any kind of awareness of your effect on people. And maybe you think that- No, maybe Scott, you don't have any awareness of how you make women feel. You can't just say what I said and then say that I- You know what, Scott, this is my podcast. You leave.

I don't wanna leave. No, it's my, I've been doing- Glenn, how are you? Well, I'm doing great, have we started the program? This is my show, do you guys want me to leave? I'm sorry Scott, I'm sorry Scott. Welcome back to American Voices. Do you guys want me to leave?

Scott. It'd be kind of interesting, you know, I wanna abolish legislatures and the police departments, so yeah, it could be something. I just sort of feel like- Anarchy in the USA? That's right, and I want to abolish anything on the other side of the line from the police.

So we'll have quite a podcast. I bet Adam Carolla will come on. I love Adam Carolla. So do I. Okay. Great voice. What were you gonna say, Leanne? Sorry, I didn't want to interject and speak

over the voice of the man. Yeah, I know when men are talking. I'm speaking, Scott. These guys interrupted you more than, okay. But when you do it, it's worse. I feel like you have to go. I feel like this audience, this sphere of the corner of the podcasting realm really wants to hear a woman's voice.

Okay, I'll let you take over as long as you do everything that we normally do on the show. I'll do everything perfectly. I've never listened, but I'll do it perfectly. That's what I'm worried. Can I guide you through it at least? Of course, give me the papers, tell me what to say. Okay, here.

You gotta say something to the effect of- Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening to- This is comedy bang bang. Okay, but next... Comedy bang bang. We're running out of time. I'm Scott Aukerman. We have...

You don't have to say that. I don't want anyone to think that you're me. This summer, we are going on tour. I will not be there. I already did those. We're going to be going to Berlin, South Korea, Chicago, Omaha, Nebraska, Phoenix, Arizona. Everybody's gonna be there. Except me, because I'm gonna going to Berlin or South Korea. Chicago, Omaha, Nebraska, Phoenix, Arizona. I am going to Phoenix. Everybody's gonna be there, except me,

because I'm gonna be at home feeling sorry for myself and not have any toilets, because my wife left me for her best friend, Leanne. That's not happening. Look, can you throw to plugs? Because we're running out of time. Throwing it to plugs. We have different kind of American plugs.

You should be, out of anyone here, you should know plugs because what you work on is plugged up all the time. Plugs is, what's your plug, Paul? No, we gotta do the theme song first. Say like, we're running out of time, but we don't- We're running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. We only have time for one final thing in the show.

And that's a little something called plugs. And that's a little something called plugs. All right. Oh, someone call Moby. Someone's coming for his crown. That's real. I love, that was great. Was that music? Yeah, that drums. What do you think you do? Well, I didn't think that sounded like music, Scott,

cause it didn't start on a G chord. Okay, yeah, a little discrepancy. That was Plugs on the Tide by Ike Lackey. Thank you to Ike Lackey. If you have a Plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and upload your songs and you can have it played on the show. And iClacky, you got it played on the show.

Congrats, you followed all the instructions and to a T and here you are on the show. It works just like that. Now tell everyone to plug their things. Everyone plug your things. Glenn? Not all at once. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm nervous. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Comedy Bang Bang is coming to a close. Glenn?

It's not coming to a close, people have to plug their thing. Scott, I'm not going to learn if you don't let me do it the way I want to do it. No, you have to learn by doing it the correct way. Please take your hands off the wheel. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm glad you off the wheel. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm glad you said the wheel. Right, that's a new wheel, isn't it, Scott? I like that.

Yeah, thank you so much. It's a little ship's wheel. Yeah. It's got those little, like, why do ship's wheels have the little knobs on it? They're not knobs, they're like batons. In the Navy we call it, yeah, the ship, the knob of the wheel is what we call it in the Navy. All right, what do you have to plug here, Glenn? Well, Scott, of course I'll plug my music, but if people are really interested

in a brand new podcast, comedy podcast. What? Brand new? Brand new, it's only 12 episodes, a limited series, and it's called Get It to Dutch, A Screenwriter's Journey. What the hell is this thing? It's really fun, Scott. It's three, it's about Get It to Dutch, A Screenwriter's Journey. What the hell is this thing? It's really fun, Scott. It's about three struggling screenwriters who every week they bring in one of their screenplays

that they're trying to get to a famous producer. It's got people like Tim Robinson on it. It's got Rob Hubel, Weird Al Yankovic, and you can listen to it right now. I think you'll really enjoy it. And I don't know, have anything to do with it, but I think it's a great podcast. I would appear on it.

I don't know that I'm going to listen to it. Okay. Well, you can, it's like I said, it was 12 episodes, it's over. But yeah. Didn't get that call. Yeah. You didn't, Scott, just because I didn't know you had written on, what was it? Shark Tank?

Shark Tail. Oh, Shark Tank. Shark Tank doesn't have writers. Oh, of course they do, Scott. Everything has writers these days. So yeah, get it to Dutch, A Screenwriter's Journey. It's got some really, oh, and Lily Sullivan. I don't care.

Who is- So wherever podcasts- On iHeart Media about wherever podcasts are found. Wonderful. All right, now throw it over to Paul over here. Paul, what do you have to plug? What's going on with you, Paul? Three quick plugs. One, Paul has opinions and he's fed up.substack.com.

Two, little improv podcast I like called Heinz, I'm Improv to Meet You, which is featured on Comedy Bang Bang World behind a paywall. I'm a huge fan. Yeah, I've heard this. Yep. And then Screw It, we're're just gonna talk about the Beatles, which is a podcast where a bunch of middle-aged people say the Beatles are good over and over again,

which inexplicably has a big audience, but I enjoy it. So those are my plans. I love their early stuff, all in G. All right, you can do your plugs now if you want. Well, there's a comedian that I think is really gonna take planet Earth by storm. Planet Earth? She's also gorgeous.

Her name is Caitlin Riley. She is an actress, comedian. She has a Largo show coming up July 9th. Wow. She also has a show at the Den Theater in Chicago, June 20th. Right. There are links to tickets on the internet.

Yeah, that's where I would expect them to be. They're there, go to her pages, they're there by the tickets. She's in a show, she's in a show or two. Oh yeah. She's in an animated show called In the Know on Peacock, watch it. I remember that show.

I got a bunch of cookies here and I feel like they're still here. Yeah, her face is on them. Yeah, I gotta throw these things away because they were said to be when that show came out. I peed on those cookies, I'm sorry. They're really good cookies, Paul. And she's done a show on Netflix.

I don't know if you guys have heard of that. Yeah, it has the, ta-dum, ta-dum. Yeah. What's the show called though? I think that's more important. Dead Boy Detectives. Oh yeah, based on the Neil Gaiman comic.

So I don't know, maybe check it out, I guess. Yeah, but you gotta be more forceful with these plugs. Check it out or I'll fucking kill you. Okay, oh gee. That's pretty forceful. I'm gonna plug, look, again, we have UK dates going on sale this week. Glasgow, London, Bristol, Dublin, Manchester,

those are in September, they all go on sale this week. Head over to cbbworld.com slash tour. All the links will be there along with the password so you can get them on Wednesday. Tour starts this week, Boston. We're doing New York and then Philly, then Washington DC, Durham, Atlanta, and St. Louis and Nashville.

So go out and see us at the shows. Also go over to CBB World and you can listen to all of that if you're a Maximus subscriber. And you know, when you're over at CBB World, there's a bunch of great shit over there. So just head over there and check it out. All right, tell me to close up the plug back. All right, close up the plug.

This is the end of the episode. Thank you guys so much. It's not the end of the episode, we're just closing the plug back. This is the end of the episode. Thank you guys so much. It's not the end of the episode, we're just closing the book bag. This is all you can do. Okay. Little green man, everybody's waiting to see you. Everyone knows when you come here, things will be grand.

Hello, little green man, everyone wants to be you. When you get here, everything will be at hand Talking about the destruction of the planet Earth Praise Jah, we're going to a planet The newest planet Out there in outer space Everybody get an operation on your face What is it?

Plug bag. What is it? Wow, that was a plug bag by Seven Streams. Thank you to Seven Streams. And guys, we are running out of time. Am I allowed to say we're out of time now? We're running out of time. The show is not over yet, but it will be soon.

Yeah, well, let's thank our guests. Okay. Thank you, Glenn. Thank you for having me and let's start the show. No, this is the end of the show. Oh, right. Yeah. Everything you've said is on mic and is going to be broadcast to the world. Oh, okay. Well, feel free to include it.

I probably will include, unless we accidentally forgot to record that mic, but- Just make sure I get the residuals. No such luck, unfortunately. And thank Paul over here. Paul, thank you for having opinions and being polyamorous. My pleasure, you're welcome. I just realized you're Paul and you're Polly.

I gotta work that in. Maybe when you talk to people with your show hands and be like, I'm Paul and Paulie. Hey, I'm Paul and anybody Paulie, show of hands, show of hands, I'll work it in. And Bernie, if you're listening, I hope you die. Okay, by the way, we're talking about Bernie from your town.

Bernie from my town. Yeah, yeah, not Bernie Sanders or any other Bernie. Not any like famous Bernie. Yeah, who are the other famous Bernie's of the world? Little dipshit Bernie is the Bernie's. Bernie Madoff? Madoff, okay, he could die, or maybe he is, who knows? That's rude.

Sorry, a lot of people don't like him. It's rude, but he's not great. That's somebody's grandfather. I've always liked him. I guess, that'd be horrible to have him be your grandfather. You're like, eh. Isn't that funny, he Madoff with all the money? I always.

Everyone's name is exactly what they are. That's, J Blinch, everyone what they are. That's like... Everyone else? Yeah. That seemed like some Scott writing right there. The algorithm is... Hey, come on now. Shark Tank names.

All right, we're running out of time, but Leanne, I wanna thank you. I wanna thank you, Scott, for coming on. I guess you're hosting from now on? Is that... And I have to fix my own toilets? Mm-hmm. No, I'll still be here to fix the toilets,

but I will also be manning the station of this podcast. Okay, all right. I have to have something to do on my lunch hour to keep creative. Okay, cool. Otherwise I fall asleep. I guess, all right, so you're gonna be the host from now on, I'm gonna go on the tour. Yes.

When I come back, I want these fucking toilets fixed. I can't promise anything, Scott, but I'll do my best by you, because you're my best friend. I really want you to promise. This is the thing, when a plumber comes, it's the plumber's fixed. I can't promise anything Scott, but I'll do my best by you because you're my best friend. I really want you to promise. This is the thing when a plumber comes, it's the plumber's promise. Scout's honor. I will see what I can do. Are you a scout? I want to be. You want to, you're a 58 year old man or woman. Sorry. Wow. In my mind, plumbers can only be men. I have PCOS. Honestly, a man would have done better.

Whoa, Scott! I like it. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye.