Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Holiday Spectacular 2023 w/ Jason Mantzoukas, Paul F. Tompkins, Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan, Shaun Diston, Vic Michaelis, Carl Tart, Drew Tarver, Lisa Gilroy, Dan Lippert, Gil Ozeri, Will Hines

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Join Scott and guest co-host Jason Mantzoukas for that special time of year when old and new friends of the show stop by to celebrate the Comedy Bang! Bang! Holiday Spectacular! Expect appearances from Fred Guinness, Randy Snutz, Carissa, Room Tone Tony, Scott’s lawyer Terry Alamander, professional baseball player Shohei Ohtani, the Pig Shit Twins, Dr. Marty Goldstein, world’s busiest man Ned Belanela, and Harvey the Devil. Happy Holidays from CBB!

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Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another holiday edition, holiday 2023 to 023. And we have a great show coming up. A little later, we have some, all your favorites are going to be here and some people that you probably don't like all that much. Speaking of whom, let's talk to him. He is going to be acting as co-host for the festivities this afternoon or morning or evening or in the middle of the night whenever you happen to be listening to this.

We are recording out of time. That's right. Yes, we have stepped outside of time or in the middle of the speed force. And you know him as one of the hosts of the popular podcast, the inexplicably popular podcast. How did this get made? Shocking.

13 years. Really? Yeah, right next to your mind. Really, I got to get that close. Yes, you do, sir. Oh, wow. Yeah. He says, if I've never podcasted before in my life.

Strangely, if you've been doing your show almost as long as my show, and you still have no idea of what good mic technique is. I don't. Is this how I do it? No, you're behind it now. Please welcome Jason Manzucas. Hello.

Thank you, Scott, for having me. What a delight to be here. So wonderful to have you. At the holiday time. It truly is the holiday time. No one can dispute that. It couldn't be more holiday. The decorations are beautiful here. So many going on at the same time too. You have Hanukkah, the rest. Exactly. Thank God. Thank God we've got them all.

Yeah. And it's like all the people on Gilligan's Island. I think all holiday should happen at the same time, like all within a month. Like there should be one month where every day is a holiday and we get to take the entire month. What about holidays that are month specific though, like the 4th of July? I don't give a shit. So the 4th of July is now like December 28th. Well, the thing is December 25th is in Jesus' birthday anyway. So let's... All right, here we go. Let's ask open AI for the answer.

What if this show just became like... Oh my god, I'm looking so much forward to just being open AI, just prompting open AI and it's just going. Yeah, please. But, you know, let's make it in July because the July 4th, that is when that happened. Yes. Okay. So you think all holidays should now be in July. We get all of July off and we celebrate all those holidays. Okay. Okay. Okay. You did like one week a month for a clutch of holidays. I guess I don't mind that, but then your family feels like, oh, we get to see you one week a month. It's like, guys, I'm trying to escape you. Oh, no, we got one month. We see each other and then we, I'm in my 50s,

still trying to escape you. You'll never escape. It's so wonderful to have you on the show. It truly is a we're wrapping up December. This is the last regular comedy bang bang episode of the year. What are your holiday traditions? Well, my holiday traditions begin with the comedy bang bang best of the best of the best. The best of the best. You said it starts on the 25th this year.

Boom. That's it for me. That's when Christmas comes is when I can unwrap episode one of the best of and what do you do? You're checking to see where you land on the every every time. I'm like, God's built an ego, an ego, oh yeah. And I speed.

I don't care what other episodes. If you and the guy you do it with, I have a guy you do it. Well, you know, is that you and the guy you do it with, I have not you do it. We know is that you and Paul F. Tomkins do not say my name in the lead up to number one, one, one, then guess what? Not list. We got to record those numbers by the way. Oh man, we're right away. Did you record the numbers?

No, we're really late on it. I got, okay, we'll do it this week. I mean, I believe you promised it would be done by wet day. Wet day, that's another one. That's okay. So all holidays have to take place in the same month of wet day. Are there any other comedy bang bang specific holidays that I'm missing other than wet day? That may be the only one. It may okay. But wet day is the most precious to us all. We see all wet day carols. I feel like wet day. And I think wet day is incredible. It's great. I think you crazy missing an opportunity for merging.

I see. Well, that's about all the days are all about. We will definitely get some out this year. Greetings cards, t-shirts, stuff. What are the, why do they call them greeting cards? It's like you've already presumably said hi to the person. No, that's interesting. When you just like show up at their door, hand them a card.

It says hello and then you're like, okay, we can talk now. Convertation cards. So what would you, you think what? Is it good? No, it's bad. I will say, and this is just for the list, is before the record you did say you were brought by you said you're going to try out some stand up. You said I'm going to try out some stand up. Just go with it. Dip in my toe back into the water. Jason always a pleasure to see you, but we do have to get to our first. That's all right. You know, well, am I calling him? Is he or is I have to call?

Okay, let's call his number. I just have a random sequence of numbers here that I beep. You don't have to say the beep so long with the beep. I'm so sorry. Are there beeps being put in and post? Yes, in post. I don't know how much post you do for this show. We're out.

No, we're out of our post budget. We're totally empty. The coffers are empty. Is that why you started the GoFundMe for finishing funds? Yes. Oh, yeah, let me press the last number. OK, it's ringing. It's ringing. It's gonna pick up.

Oh, man, are we be- I guess he's not there. I guess he's not there. Okay, Fred, you did it here. Oh, Fred. Yeah. Fred Guinness. That's me, you got him.

Hey, Fred, it's got an argument of comedy bang-bang. Scotty, what is going on, my man? What is going on? It's so good to talk to you. It's good to talk to you. Listen. Got it. What is going on my man? What is going on? It's so good to talk to you. It's good to talk you. Listen, if my voice sounds a little bit different because I don't remember it. That's OK.

That happens to the best of us. Right. We wake up. We don't remember how we talk. Yeah. It's one of the things about getting older. Sometimes you forget what your voice sounds like. You have Alzheimer's of the voice.

Oh, that's grim. What a terrible thing to wish on. Is that why you call me? I think we should upon him. May you have Alzheimer's of the voice. Oh God, hey, that while you're looking right at me. People are going to cut that out and use it. They're going to send it to each other's voice text.

It's so great to talk to you. Jason Manzougas is here with me as well. Jamie. How are you pal? Great to see you. Great to talk to you. That's right. But I feel like I feel like I could see you clear as day.

You as well though your voice evokes just even like a Sartorial flair that I think is impressive. Real, you know, no one's ever said that to me before. Like, yep. Oh, are you kidding? I'm a real, when I do the way I address my style, I guess, convinced me to grab this basic bitch. So what is that? You. So what is that you know? What is that?

Yeah, I mean, what do you mean? You know, like I wear polo shirts and khakis. Oh sure. You know what I mean? Do you play polo? I don't play polo. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I think you should be allowed to wear the shirts then. I agree. It's stolen valor. From Ralph Lauren. No. Yep. The most famous polo player in the world. People, even, or is he just a guy who was like,

you'd look good in this. I think it was, you don't know when you were a kid and you would draw like a, if you drew, you drew like the same thing over and over again, right? You're like, you're on that good. Yeah, you got good at that. And I think that Ralph Lauren probably just drew a polo guy. And then he was like, I gotta make this a company.

And was it a polo shirt? Because did the shirt style exist? And then he's the first guy to put a polo guy and that he's like I got to make this a company. And was it a polo shirt because did the shirt style exist and then he's the first guy to put a polo horse on it? No I believe that the polo shirt predates Ralph Lauren's existence. He's very existence. Yes. Really? Before he was even just a clean as daddy's nuts. Before he was Ralph Lauren when he was Ralph I believe Lipshirt. That's right. That's right.

That's right. He changes it really. Oh, yeah. He was actually, he hold the polisher, it holds the record for shirt being in existence before Ralph Lauren. The Guinness record? Yep.

But that's, I totally forgot that's part of your thing. I enjoy talking to you so much. Well, I forget it. You're dropping records on us from the beginning here. Right. That's right. You're Fred Guinness. And you are the owner and proprietor or just the proprietor. I am the owner proprietor chief cook and bottle washer of the Guinness book of world records. That's right. And you're the guy who knows them all and gives that information to all of us in book form. That's right.

And I think that, you know, for kids from age, I want to say reading. Reading? No. I would say reading to 13. Reading age, whatever that happens to be, you say four or five to 13. 13 and then it's like a, people are used for it. No, not interested in it.

And I do have some sad news. Sorry, Jesus. Do you know what, Jesus? I just, I just, I talk with these transatlantic connections. But, uh, sad news, the two, uh, fat cowboys, so the motorcycles just died.

Oh, no, no, no. I love them. Just nailed it. I love those guys. It was this morning. This morning. Oh, is that what you're calling? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the hearts of everybody who put the Guinness Book of World record. Everyone loved them. They go to that page first and they were, it's really sad. What was their record? I don't even remember. Was it Fattest God? It was Fattest Twins.

There were twins. So the motor cycles had nothing to do with it? No, but they did figure into their deaths. What happened to them? They were chasing my pop rocks. Oh no. They got Princess died. Oh my no. They got Princess died? Oh my god.

They got Princess died. Yeah, they wanted one more picture. Ever since, ever since they were in the kids book, they were how did I surprise for years and years. Never were able to snap another picture because I've never seen a different one. No, because those motorcycles were a fact. Oh my god. I'm so sorry for your loss, Fred. Oh, those motorcycles were I'm so sorry for your loss Fred. Well, it's the world's loss really and you know our heart goes out to their families who the all pre-preetices them of course

Oh, so they're the last in line. They were the last You're a deal fan Starcails are himself. I love that voice. I love them. Fantastic voice. Give that incredibly robust voice coming out of a 4'11 package. Leadsinger of Elf. Yeah.

Hey. Merry Christmas. See, when you're that short of a guy, do you want to be fronting a band called Elf? I only if you can get guys who are even shorter than you to back up. Yeah, that was a big problem. It's like clearly I'm not the elf Feel nice elf. Oh, Scotty what's going on? What is going on? It's great to talk to you I mean especially at the end of the year there's probably so many new records that I mean people are rushing to get their records in

For you know, yeah, they are and you know We had some great records this year and I want to share with you if before if you want to I have some right in front of me right now oh I love that yeah new record these are new records or people great set yeah yeah these are yeah these are actual forgiveness world records and the of course this is from the world record academy okay is that associated with you or do you get the records from them? It's actually not. Oh, really? So this is sort of like those weather apps that just get it from the government? Yeah, or the sky.

Yeah. Oh, that's right. Get on my weather. It's gray out. Thanks, weather app. Yeah, right. Let me go up. All right. So these are some Christmas records. These are real. Largest collection of nativity scenes. Largest collection of nativity scenes. Largest collection of nativity scenes. This is the most visible. So the most visible.

The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible.

The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. The most visible. have a collection, you come to the store, or here you can come to the front lawn

and see 10,000 in nativity, you know what I mean? A collection is a collection, and it doesn't matter where you display them. Fair enough, that has no bearing. It's merely ownership. It's merely ownership, and the amount. Okay, great. And so this guy has 2,539 different nativity scenes.

Wow, and who cares, right? And so this guy has 2,539 different nativity scenes. Wow. And who cares, right? Well, it's a lot. Technically, you only need one. I'd be more interested in biggest nativity scenes. Technically, you only need one. I also think there's something about putting,

if you're displaying them all, or even multiples, there's something about, that's too many big Jesus. Too many, yeah, so, yeah, so, yeah, to wrap your mind around. I give, give me one, make it as big as Godzilla. It also takes away for the importance. You wait. You want.

I'm sorry. I want the baby to be as big as Godzilla and the main. You want the manger and the wise man and everyone to be the same. You don't want 2000 nativities. You want Kai, one Kaiju level Kaiju Christ. Can we? Has anybody made a Kai Ju Christ. Oh, man I love that

He you could get the world's record for that the Guinness world you do it world's only Kai Ju Christ. Oh my god Why don't why isn't there a Christ flute in the in the Macy's day? That's what it's all about. It's a big day. Well, they're always like all it's you're right Yeah, the big guys coming up the big guy. I'm not talking about you know Joe Biden of course. I'm talking about Why would I think that? They always call him the big guy do they do? They do who does that? Who are you listening to? Who does that Ronnie James deal? All right snap anyway, all right, so that's that's a I qualify that as a who cares record Sure because so what this guy's got this guy's got a problem. That's in the a I qualify that as a who cares record, sir because so what this guy's got a problem

That's in the back in the who that's a hoarder. Well, we hoarder. We have yeah, it's disposable enough income. Yeah to buy two That you mean anybody could do you have a sickness for one thing for the thickness Probably now you're talking about like All right, here's another one worlds largest gingerbread village. It's in New York City, New York largest This is now you're talking about language and this is a chef named John Loveach All right, there's another one. World's largest gingerbread village. It's in New York City, New York. Largest. This is now you're talking about language. And this is a chef named John Loveach. Loveach, very close.

Loveach or leave it. Loveach or leave it is his podcast. That's right. He used 1,000 pounds of gingerbread a more than 8,000 pounds of frosting to create 1,500 gingerbread houses and make the world's largest gingerbread village. Now that's another one where we say who cares? Well, here's my thing. It tells me how many pounds went into it. How fucking big is it? bread houses and make the world's largest gingerbread village. Now that's another one where we say who cares? Well, here's my thing.

It tells me how many pounds went into it. How fucking big is it? That's what I want to know. Can I walk into it? Can I ride 100 houses being put on display, but they are just gingerbread houses. So they're not. Gingerbread house size. It's a community.

They're little thing. It's a village. They're like for smurfs. It's like smurf village made of runny. Do you remember what? Three apples, tall. So yeah, back in Spencer. But we got Randy Rhodes. Ronnie James was four apples tall. Exactly. Randy Rhodes, five apples tall. All rock stars are

measured in apples just like smurfs. How about this one? World's tallest digital Merry Christmas candy cane. This is extremely specific digital digital record. Yeah, I don't like it. No, let's break it down. It's the world's tallest digital quote Merry Christmas and quote candy cane so many qualifiers. Yeah, so it could be a tall digital Christmas candy cane But it says something different. It is on the what you know, it doesn't say Merry Christmas on it So it doesn't get this record. Well, this one doesn't even say Merry Christmas. Oh, okay. It's just a digital picture of a candy cane. Oh, okay.

Yeah, digital picture. A digital picture. So you're this, the record is for this side. Isn't this like the, you're saying the screen is big enough to project this image? Yeah, right. How many pixels is this? Is that what we're talking about?

Is this four K? Oh, okay. It is a, it, it, it, thousands of light emitting diodes that are parentheses says LEDs Thank you to create a spectacular Christmas skyline show. This is the $700 million higher workers paramount Miami World Center tower No, it's just on the side of a building. I'm a side. Oh, it's like projected onto oh, yeah, okay, this one is oh Paramount Miami World Center Christmas spectacular tower lighting is a shining beacon of cheer and best wishes to all as a Challenging year comes to a close as Paramount Miami World Center CEO Daniel cod See and again

The who care. Yeah, this is just a thing someone did yeah, anyone could do it guys. Can I can I be honest with you? What's going on Fred? These these are bad bad records the records game has got me down whoa No, not during Christmas. It used to be like you had a freak that had really long curly fingernails. Yeah, you know what it means? Throw it in the book. You'd have a guy with it. Yeah, you got to have a twin. Are we allowed to say that? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. What did they set a record for being most conjoined? Yes, like in most places. Elbows, toes, most shared organs figures.

places. Elbows, toes, most shared organs. Figures. Um, it's, I missed it. I missed seeing like a guy with 500 cigarettes in his mouth. Yeah. People in a phone booth. People in a phone, they used to think they tore down all the phone booths. Yeah. Yeah. So okay, joint michael. And you used to, I don't know when I was young, you used to want to think of a record that you could do. It felt something untenable. Most people could fit in a hole in the hoop. That's a good one. It's fun. Cause here's the thing.

Think about the picture. Yeah. Think about the picture. It's fun. All right. I'm sorry. But you need to be visited by three ghosts or something. Why? I'm not a fat guy.

You need to find. No, you need to find. I just don't like my job. You need to find. No, you need to find. I just don't like my job. You need to find Jesus Christ. Everyone doesn't like their job during Christmas. Three ghosts. Jesus Christ. You need to find the joy of records again.

Well, that's the journey you need to go. I mean, one of the things that does give me joy, and I'm ashamed to say this, is of course the dark records. That's right. We talked about those last time. The dark records. Yes. These are the records in the, uh, it's a separate tone that only you have access to. We have a Guinness Black book, which we keep, uh,

under lock and key. Right. But we do record these records. You must. You have records. Yeah. That's our very business. Yeah. It's our raise on debt. What are some of the dark records again? Well, uh, there's something that are in house. Of course, we had most homicides committed by an employee of Guinness, which I'm sorry, is just been broken. Oh, no, no, what happened both times. There was a employee named Ken. Who was name Ken, who was do you know Ken? Ken Guinness? No, he's not related to me. Oh I see so can you not a family business? Oh okay, oh it's not. No, no, no, are you so you're no relation? No, no relation at all. Oh yeah, but you are relation to the beer makers right? No, I'm not. Oh okay. My name just coincidentally is Guinness. Oh, wow, and I took it over and

When I did I thought I should probably move to Ireland. Right. Yeah, yeah for one of the two things. Yeah, I mean I'll be turned out that you ended up being in the the book and not the beer part of it Right, I had no interest in the beer part right no interest in the beer. I do not drink beer right I do drink absent You do you do you do you do absent. I like Marilyn Manson. Yes. Wait, does he? That's the guy. Brian. Yes. Oh, Brian. Yes. I love to visit the green fairy. But I do, I do. Yeah, the dark records are a perverse source of joy for me. And so the new record for most homicides by a Guinness employee, his name was Ken Sharps and he stole a sightseeing bus. Like one of the TMZ type ones or... But in Ireland?

Yes, TMZ Ireland. TMZ. Who did it cover? Who did it cover? Bottle. Bottle, theZ. Who'd, of course, say? Who'd they cover, Bano? Bano, the rest. Bob Dells off. Of course, you know, big commitments. Yeah, the commitments.

There's a big, a lot of time in their hands now with Shane McGowan passing. They have no commitments. All right. Great. Uncommitments. Are you still there? Hello. Hello.

Are you still there? It's not like I was getting an echo. So Ken stole sightseeing bus and it was one of those days where it was bring your daughter to the sightseeing bus. Oh no. So it was double the amount of people. Oh, they're all of them had daughters. Yeah, they all had daughters't you couldn't get on the bus if you didn't have a daughter. Oh, okay. Have adults have daughters. They took DNA tests They took the HHS you had you had So you couldn't you had to take it the kids? You couldn't even be adopted. You had way to do paternity tests with DNA tests And um, did it did any of them come because 100% that bitch

Did it? Did any of them come? Wait, because 100% that bitch. That's fun. That's fun. And all of that research is done by TMZ tourbuses. Yeah. Okay. TMZ. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Okay. Yes. They all have the testers all have big smoothie cups. Yeah. And then they you have to spit your results into the smoothie. Oh good, spit your sample into the smoothie cup, just spit.

And then it goes off to the Guinness lab. So this is a multi-day operation. Oh yeah, absolutely. And we should tell people that. Wait, are we involved in the bus? Yeah, they're gonna say, if you guys are providing the lab, it works for the TMZ buses. Yeah, so this is a

concerted effort and maybe that's how Ken got in and was able to commit this heinous act. That's right because everybody knows each other. You know, he's like, hey Liam, let me get it, let me get on there and he knocked Liam out with a shoe. With a shoe. What the, what was the, what kind of soul was on was it a wooden clock? It was a wooden clog. Oh, wow. Ken was famous for wearing wooden clogs, really. Of course, you can hear him coming from a mile away. Well, they're made in Ireland. So not famous enough to get a world record probably, but what do you mean? Like most

famous for wearing wooden clogs? I can't see. It gets into a slippery slope with, with qualifiers like that. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Most heard of thing. You know what I mean? You have to throw all the lights away. So what happened? So Ken got on the bus. He got on the little loudspeaker.

He floored it. And he got on the microphone. And he said, folks, you're gonna die today. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. These were his shilling. Were these prepared remarks? or was this like, we didn't find any no cards.

I would imagine he practiced it before he had a phone. Yeah. Oh man. And then he just, he drove everyone off a cliff. Oh, off a cliff. Yeah, including himself. Yeah, he didn't jump out right before he had a, he didn't have like a parachute on his own.

He tried to, oh, he tried to, he tried to, he tried't jump out right before he didn't have like a parachute. He tried to, he tried to do, he tried to do, he tried to do, he tried to do, he tried to do Cooper it. He was wearing a parachute. Oh, yeah, he wanted to, he wanted to do, he wanted to do, he wanted to do Cooper it, but his, uh, his claw got stuck. Uh, come on, Sharpie, get it together. And we, like we heard from eyewitnesses who were nearby, they saw the bus, that there was a man screaming frantically, help, help, I was just kidding. And we believe that to be kept.

No, he was kidding about what part of it. Because he meant for everyone to die. I think he was trying to avert the crisis by talking to God. Oh, I was just kidding. But of course, if you believe in God, you believe that God knows when you're kidding. You can't fool God with a joke. That's just, are you a religious man? I never thought about you. I'm agnostic.

Oh, you are. I'm agnostic, yeah. I mean, you don't know the answer. I don't know the answer. We all got here somewhere. So, we're not surprised if the minute you died suddenly, pop. There you are. Heaven. Heaven time. If that's how it happens, I would be surprised. Really? Yes. Why would make you surprise about that? The pop sound? Oh, that's the only part of it.

Just heaven. Yeah. If that's how it plays out, I will be surprised. Even having to have the discussion. Okay. Yeah. Well, anything can happen under the sun. Boy, that's so true as a singleness hit. Oh, he said nothing like the sun. Sure. Shakespeare said both. He said a lot of things about the sun. Oh, he was like a big self-taning guy.

Shakespeare? Yeah. He's not the most self-tanned figure in literature. Who would that be? That would be William Falkner. William Falkner, William Fockner really. He loved to lay out. Oh yeah.

He loved to lay out. He was the original tam on it. He was really. You know how Jody Foster is in the original. P But you should remember. On the that Suntan commercial, the billboards, he was the... Oh yeah, the copper tone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So William Fockner, Jody Foster. A lot of Oster Foster. Oh. What are you doing? I don't know. It's the holidays. So, hey, so what did you do?

I did a curry doc. Hey, that's on the bed. I was saying Fred, you came alive when you were, you seemed so down when you were telling us about the new records. You came alive. When you talked about this TMZ bus. No, I was going to say when you talked about the dark records. Oh, yeah. I feel like a pivot to the dark records might be,

but it's not like the happy future you are looking for. But it's happy for me, it's not happy for other people. Like do you wanna know who has the most, who has the world's record for most failed exorcisms? Oh yes. Sure, yeah, I wouldn't mind here then. His name is Padre Davide Benvenuto. And he is the unluckiest exorcist in all of Rome. So it was just luck.

By the way, I love the dark secrets. I think it's a competent, so interesting compared to biggest digital court. They are. I mean, I'm not lying. This is fascinating. Jason, biggest digital Merry Christmas candy. I'm, you know what? I'm not lying. Jesus, that's an amazing thing. Biggest digital Merry Christmas candy. I'm, you know what?

I'm so very sorry. That's all right. I mean, they do hold the record. I just wanted to be, you know, I, I so want to respect it. I understand. I understand. I want those people to know I meant no disrespect. Why was the podry so unlucky with his, all of his exercises?

He was just incompetent. He was bad at it. Yeah. He was like, the power of Christ says, get out of there. That's not the wording. No, it's not the wording. So we just didn't know his line. He didn't know Latin. He would do pig Latin. He was not a book. He was not a book. He would do pig Latin. Here at Spay Evely. He also holds the record for being laughed at by most demons. Oh, really? Oh, how many demons or how many times was he laughed at? 250,000. That's a lot of things.

Because sometimes there's a bunch of demons inside you. Right. Oh, yeah. How many? For inside one, I wonder if those demons are excited when that guy shows up because he's like their favorite comic. Oh, absolutely. They're like, oh, shit.

This guy is going to be hilarious. This rock comes out in a surprise. It's like we didn't do it. It's like exactly a drop in set at a comedy club and you're like, whoa. Holy shit. Padre. Padre being vanito is here. We love this guy.

This guy's the best. What an idiot. They just laughed at him. Yeah. It's really sad to hear a demon laughing at a priest. He's, I think that priest is putting a lot of that demon crowd work in small clips on TikTok now and is blowing up. Ooh, if I wouldn't.

Feels like we've depressed you again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, that guy is a bummer. Yeah. But let's see. Let's see, let's see. We don't have to continue. A complete rest. No, no, no, no. I mean, I know you guys finally

is interesting. Take your time. Yeah. We, we, we, you don't have to keep coming up with them. I just thought that I just thought that I'm not coming up with them. I'm so sorry. You're reading them. These are reported to you. I can't see you. What if that's a catchphrase? I can't see. I can't see you. I guess we can get t-shirts going. if that's a catchphrase? I can't see, I can't see you. I guess we can get T-shirts going. That could be a catchphrase for me because I'm on the phone.

I'm on the phone. I can't see you. Fred get us. I love it. It's great. Well, look Fred, we do have to wrap it up. I'm so sorry. Can you stick around?

Can you be on the phone? I know it's a long, I called you though, so I'll flip. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, sure. Okay, great. I'll stick around. Can I give you give you one more absolutely one more. Yeah one more time just over most people Blinded by staring into the sun simultaneously. Oh wow. I'm gonna get can I take a stab absolutely Three You're so close really to

close really to Silent overing me right rules She just said zero people should have said zero before one All right well Fred. Thank you so much Uh, thank you because we have many guests to get to what I want to hear your input on all I want to be part of the action. Yes exactly. You want to be where the people are. I want to be where the people are I love to see Not good at it, but you love to hey You're not gonna get it. That wasn't so bad. I thought you're gonna get a Guinness World record for best thing

We don't you can't qualify things like that What like best? Yes, you can't we don't that's not how we judge things. Okay, so it's most most most You're the most exactly You could win most singer largest amount of singer who who has most singer right now Adele Adele yeah, yeah, she does the most with it definitely. Yeah, well, this is some day you'll overtaker I hope I hope so yeah not this year because we're wrapping up the year But soon Adele soon Adele Fred Guinness is coming for you he can't see you I can't see you All right, well, let's get to our next guest Jason you ready for these guys. Absolutely. Let's do it Yeah, I guess we just have one person here. I'm ready for that one person. Yeah, it's maybe setting a record for most guys who are one person

Let's please welcome back to the show you know him I one person. Let's please welcome back to the show. You know him. I used to know I first got to know him when he worked at my favorite restaurant, I believe, filling up the ice in the urinals. That's you right. I don't know what you heard about me, but I'm the mother fucking Randy. Yeah, Randy Stutz is here. What's going on? What's going on, Randy? Let's get it. Let's go. Fred Guinness is on the phone. Have you ever talked to him? I can't see him. Hey Randy, what's going on Fred? Nothing much. How you doing now?

I'm pretty good. You know, I'm living large. I'm sitting down. Hey, what do you look like? What do I live like? Look. No, I look like what you look like. But then also tell me what you live like. Close your eyes. Have a sexual fantasy. Okay. Go the opposite direction. Then find the midway point between those two things and that's me my friends. Oh

I can see you Randy great to have you back on the show. It's been a while. Yeah, it's great to be here Yeah, it's honestly a better reception than normal. You know, I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea But what I am people be slurping yeah You know, I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but when I am, people be slurping. Yeah. What's going on during the holidays? What is what is a Randy Snotz do during the holiday season? I mean, I shot it down.

I will do. I dig a redock. I mean, I work as hard as I can for 11 months. And then December 1st, I shot it down. And I just start looking for gifts for friends and family. Oh, good. Okay. So you've plenty of time to do that.

Yeah, absolutely. So are you ahead of time to do that. Yeah, absolutely. So are you ahead of the game now? I'd say, I mean, what day is it? When is this coming out? A Monday? Yeah, so I'm like Monday's deep into it. Hmm. I don't want to sign a fake video.

I'm, yeah, Monday's deep into it. Okay. But I came on specifically, I think for the listeners, because I came up with a top 10 list. Oh, you have a feature. Oh, wow. So Fred had a feature. You have a feature. This is great. I have a feature. Top 10 Christmas gifts for Scott Ockerman when you're on a budget. Whoa. Okay. I appreciate that because I'm very hard to shop for. Why, I imagine why are you so hard to shop for? Because anything I want, I buy and I already have it. Well, most of these gifts are priceless. Oh, okay. Oh, they're, oh, really? So you can't I want to buy and I already have it.

Well, most of these gifts are priceless. Oh, okay. Oh, really? So you can't find these in stores. Okay. So you can't find a bunch. Yeah, it's on a budget. I mean, it's just a priceless. Yeah, I mean, it's from me.

Yeah, and some of these you absolutely can find in stores. Okay. Like the first one, number one, oh, this number 10, I'm going for 10 now. Oh, so you're descending or? Subscription to a musical theater magazine. What you can basically get for free because no one's trying to buy this thing. Wait, is that a real magazine?

You should buy the magazine. You should buy the entire and I am out. Yeah. And then only cover my own musicals. Yeah. Like a herst. And then suddenly I have like a big, uh, Superman castle. Yeah, it gets yourself a rosebud situation. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I thought that you had a musical cult first.

Yes. I am thinking about doing a musical version of citizen game. It's just got herst with this explanation, boy. Why the fuck? I mean, I believe that that could be a hit. Yeah. Look at this convo that I just got started it caught fire. It's the my gift idea sure I'm sensing these are all slams because you made fun facts that I like musical no way ah What would some of the songs in her?

The musical be though. Let's see. What happened in Citizen Kane? He sat around, he was angry, yelled at his employees. Oh, she did. Is there any wonder it's considered the greatest film all time? She was there in the opera. Is this a song? Is this a song? Yeah, these are the lyrics.

These are the lyrics. It's like a pattern. It's a train to remember his own life. It's just going to start moving. Yeah. No shade on the lyrics, but drop a beat. It sucks, Acapella. All right.

I don't know. These fucking critics. These are not all, these are don't be so cynical. Scott, these are not all sland. Oh, yeah. These are thoughtful things. Let's your number nine then. Okay, number nine, a DIY kit to turn your bathroom sink

into a urinal. Then you guess what it is. What the DIY kid is? Yes. What I'm gonna do. It's a nice? Yeah, it's a big bag of ice. He's got it.

Great. There's nothing to stop you from pissing into your bathroom sink except a big bag of ice. Well, that's the thing is, sinks are about penis high if you're tall enough. Yeah, wait a minute. Antioleids are lower. It's like, why do I have to bend over to get to you?

You come to me Bend over Do you bend over to piss in a toilet? So you bend over and then with your hand you push your penis back toward the toilet Are you getting? Are you getting too close up and demonstrate what you mean? Yeah, that's why I thought so you you hold the toilet. What do you do? Hold on, Jack. I get back from the toilet.

You bend over. You hold on to the back of the toilet. Exactly. If you're a gentleman. So that your penis just points into the toilet. Yeah, otherwise it goes all over the place. Oh, yeah. Truly, if you want a truly amated there.

What's number eight, Randy? All right, number eight. Now, this one obviously is, you know, you can't find this in stores. I made it myself. It's a coupon that says, there, what's number eight Randy? All right number eight now this one obviously is you know You can't find this in stores. I made it myself. It's a coupon that says Scott. I'll let you talk to me for a half hour about Hentai Still don't even know what Hentai is bullshit Wow never have I ever You have to explain it to me one day. What? Hentai is? Yeah.

It's the stuff you jacked off to. It's the stuff. It's the stuff that you're on. You're computer monitor. Oh, I see. All right. Number seven. Lime cucumber gatorade.

The best flavor. Okay. Yeah. Wait. If you're on a budget. Yeah. Although with inflation. With inflation.

What? It tastes better. Yeah. I agree. I don what a taste better. Yeah I agree. All right what are we at number six now? You know I want to spend more time on that. I guess. I guess. I guess. I'm going to hung over tired. Yeah. What are you talking one bottle or a dehydrated? Yeah. I don't know. I'm not made of money. Okay. Sure. But that's a good. I'll give you the taste for it then you. Ooh you know prices no object, you can go out and get some of your own. Oh, demand a fish.

What do you do for work, Randy? I'm just, yeah, these days. Right now, these days, I work in a business warehouse. I put, you know, labels on containers. Oh, good. That's how they get to certain people. Yeah. Have you, what the fuck?

You know how mail works? Yeah, shipping and receiving. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. You're about to receive. You're about to receive a mean one now. Oh no. What number? Let's go. Um, we're out. Let's see. This is number five. Okay. Um, a homemade booklet of compliments. Like, you take really good selfies for someone who's Gen X. really good selfies for someone who's Gen X. That's savage. Not sure what the slam is there. Is that how old I am?

It's actually a nice one. Oh, okay, that's a good one. See, I was trying to be mean I can't because our friendship is so deep. It is, it truly is. I see you make me twice a month. There is a slam in there. Twice a month, there is a slam in there. Twice a month. There is a slam in there.

That you're old. And being that you're so old, it is impressive that you take good selfies. I guess, yeah. Not incredibly old, I would say. Shocky. What's number four? Shocky.

Not. What? Oh. What, Randy? Corrissa, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? This is so crazy. I'm hanging out with my boys.

Oh my god I was just bringing Scott this big plate of cat puke tiktokos. Oh No, thank you cat puke tiktok. Your favorite extra puke Did that woman say Kanoch Kanoch? She made it. This is charisma by the way. Yeah, my ex girlfriend. Oh ex now. Is that what your relationships? Yeah, this is Karrissa by the way. Not tonight. Yeah, my ex girlfriend. Oh, ex now? Is that what your relationship is? Yeah, this is. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, I'm working out right now.

Oh, I know. Hmm. God, you guys are looking so hot today, Scott. Uh, thank you, I guess. Scott, don't fall for this. She's just doing this to piss me off. No offense. You are looking good today.

Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I'd take you at your word. I look okay. I think I would like to see. I think I would like to see. I think I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see.

I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see.

I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna see.

I was gonna see. I was gonna see. I was gonna Scott? I don't know that I would characterize it that way. Scott, don't dance around the issue, alright? Like honesty is the best policy and if you want to remain friends with me, you gotta look. Randy looks pissed. I really look fucking pissed dude. Look at my shoulders. Oh my god.

His body language is so tight. It's gotten so tight. I'm staying on my tippy toes You pissed me off now Shoulders are locked Chris on my tippy toes. Okay ready breathing shallow I don't know that Chris and I are that's our relationship. I mean you cut. I took your virginity Chris and I are, that's our relationship. I mean, you, God, I took your virginity. He was the first 85 year old I ever took the virginity.

Oh my God, congrats and you may have said a record. I, I, Clarissa, all right, Scott, it remains to be seen if this is true, but you don't get to insult Scott like this, okay? This is the holiday episode. No, I'm not insulting Scott. Well, honestly, we have such a good connection, don't you think?

I don't consider what we did to be sex. Okay, I know what the definition of is and all that kind of stuff. You had me dress up as a goldfish in Climabür, Ines. You asked her to little Nemo, you? I mean, Nemo, and and believe me I found him. Is that sex though? I don't know. And you don't know what hint I you.

That's our thing, Karissa. How can you do that to Scott? Look, Scott. You guys have done that? Little Nemo? Yeah, it's the 21st century. Come on man. It's called finding Nemo.

I think it's Little Nemo's's a little nemo in Dreamland, but that totally did not have fish. Yeah. No, I mean like Scott, like we don't have to hide our relationship anymore. We can be open with it like for all the fans. They're gonna be so happy to hear this. Wow.

All right, yeah, Chris has come over a couple of times. Whoa. We have so much fun together. We eat soft foods, has come over a couple of times. Whoa! Yeah, we have so much fun together. We eat soft foods, cottage cheese, apple sauce. So you were originally around 5 p.m. We said, really bird specials. We go to restaurants and we complain all the time.

That is true. That is too loud. Why did they make the music this loud? We're trying to eat in here. Why is it dark in here? It's just small. The waitress is an idiot. Yeah. You bring that 2000 lumens flashlight just to shine at the menu so you can see it. Yeah, his cell phone light is blinding. I have to turn it off for him. But we have so much fun together. We have so much fun together. So, it is a sexual relationship. Based on what you're saying.

Well, nothing that we've said is really sexual. I mean, yeah, in the part you're talking about, we did all that stuff with fins. Yeah. That finsh it. Yeah. I dress up like fish. We're all hard.

So, what is sexual? His distinctive style. You play his band's music. Yep. She claps for it. It's my thing. It's my thing. You guys reboot Ghostbusters in bed. Of course. You know what I mean. Yeah. We did that that blubber stuff. Yeah. A lot of stuff with blubber. I don't know what blubber means. What do you mean? She doesn't know. She doesn't know films like we do. No, I think she's between the thing and the blubber. I think she's saying this is a whale based sexual encounter. Is this anti-I have no or or or or it's a new

double bomb or or it's the sequel to the whale. Oh, all right. I like what Fred said. That's what you're talking about. Well, look, Chris, by the way, we got to break it off. I can't do this to my name, Randy. What are you talking about? I know you're using the book about it. You know what I'm talking about.

You know what I'm talking about. I know you're breaking up with everyone, but this is it. I'm lower in the boom. Oh my god. It's over. What? No. Here comes the boom. Here comes the boom starring Florence Pue I guess this is a good time for me to give you your Christmas present then since we're not gonna see each other for something other than the capu

The capu of tiktok. Yeah, what's my Christmas present? It's a box of all of your hair and your toenail clippings and skin tags. Skin tags. Oh my skin tags? I've been looking for these. This is an enormous amount of skin tags. This is too, yeah, I know. Fred, I wish you were here to get a look at how many skin tags are in this box. I bet it's not the record.

What's the record? The record is 100% skin tag. Really? Just a body that was just full skin tag. There was a man named Arthur Chalmers who every square inch of his skin was a skin tag. Wow. They cut them all off. He disappeared. Wow.

No. The most chilling event at dermatology. I'm actually applying for my own skin inspector. Is that so, lady? Yeah. What is it going to be? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's over, Chris. No, don't get to work that because remember your doctor said you could die at any time. You could die at any time? You could die at any time. I show some respect. I am. No, I'm firmly on scotside.

He's sticking up for our friendship and he's breaking up with you because he sees that it's devastating me. Oh my god, I can't believe that you would do this to me, Randy. I better give you your Christmas gift. Oh, what do you get, Randy? What'd you get me? What'd you get, Randy? It's a box flyer hair in your time on Clippings. So that's my hair.

It's the same box, we're seeing. This is just a reminder for both of you guys. I get free me from murder at any time, okay? That's shit. Wait, I'm not looking at the box, the box. The hair colors are all, the hairs are all different colors. The skin tones are all different. I think this is just a box of DNA from various.

You're so smart. It is a box of DNA. So you could do your 23, me, Scott, find out how Irish and white you are. But it's surprising. I don't believe I'm any of that. You're not white, why? You're not white.

I have such a different picture of you on my mind, I guess. That's right. No, it's ever seen me. It's a podcast Who's the guy that we see in all the posts? Oh, no, that's just some guy. That's my neighbor. That's an actor, right? I don't want this box Monty bad. It's your Christmas gift and I don't want the Christmas gift either. I'm breaking up with you I don't want this box. Hell yeah, Scott. Hell yeah, take a stand. Yeah, man. Randy is my boy and I'm not gonna betray him literally anymore I can't believe you did it to me. I've got all those times. I helped you piss holding you up Wait, is charisma the person who helped you piss it twisted fest? Yeah

Yeah, I hooked up with most of the CBB world at twisted fast. Andy Snyder was there. Yeah. No, I ran. We're we're buds, man. I'm not going to do this. You can have her. That's so cool. That is disgusting. You can have my sloppy seconds. Oh, no, I mean, you have mine. I guess it's like someone's 35th. I think wish I could see that it was pretty sloppy. I'll say that. Mm-hmm. Sloppy 35th. It's all good, you know, it's all good. Because the truth is like when you're making love, it doesn't matter what number you are on their depth chart. Yeah, when you're at a deli as long as you get the meat.

matter what number you are on their depth chart. Yeah. When you're at a deli, as long as you get the meat. Yeah. That's the that's the that's the same. That's I went to the deli as long as you get to the meat. I'll tell you that's probably the last thing that I would say during intercourse, but I hear I'm not going to say what about right before right before? Yeah. I might get you in the skate not thin after After yeah, I that's a banger of a joke. That's a 10 out of 10 Well, if you say that after sex and you don't get a the response you're looking for you got to leave

Yeah, that's a good test. It's for you guys back together now. I don't know Randy Do you want to get back together? I mean, it's been fun with Scott and all, but it's kind of been like, we can have earnings, like, I'm scared. I'm scared. Real load around. So disrespectful. I mean, thank you, Randy.

She said more disrespectful stuff to my face, for sure. Right. So you saying it to Scott's face means that, maybe we can get back together as long as we don't say that kind of stuff to my face. Wow, this is very sweet. Yeah, we've had so many wonderful Christmases together, Andy. Like, remember that time I kidnapped your mom? As a gift?

That's a gift. Well, yeah, it was the only thing that got me and my mom back together. Not sexually. Right, right. Scott, you were estranged at the time. Yeah, we were estranged. Right. I wasn't looking for a strange. We were estranged. Right, yeah, I got it. Right, right. You were estranged at the time. Yeah, we were estranged. Right. I wasn't looking for a strange.

We were estranged. Right. I got it. Okay, good. You keep qualifying that you haven't had sex with your mother in a way that makes it now. Even though you absolutely haven't heard the recent episodes of your show. Have you talked about you banging your mother recently or something?

What the hell? You can tune in. I'm not talking about that. Oh my God, I can't believe it. What's that? All those times that we're going to sleep and you would put on CBB world and we fall asleep. The only thing I can fall asleep to that and eat prey

dunk. Well, I'm glad you guys are back together. Randy, do you have any more gift ideas to close out the, but we're coming up on a book. I have a good idea. What's that? A big box full of hair don't need one to be honest I don't know if I want to say these because these were on the meaner side and and say them go ahead okay a coffee mug that says Scott hasn't seen his own penis I really think you should start making that as merch.

Not bad. That's a t-shirt. And it would sell wet. Can, can, can, can, can, spring be saying it? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Spraying it and then Scott, you're looking up, but you're, you're Donald ducking it.

You just got a t-shirt out and your penis is, I get it. That's the hottest way a man to look. Yeah, I don't think on the official merch I'm going to put a nude picture of myself penises. I get it. That's the hottest way a man. I don't. Yeah, I don't think on the official merch. I'm going to put a nude picture of myself on it. Do you want to do you want to be popular? Or do you want a sell? It wouldn't be nude. You'd be in a t-shirt. All right. Anyway, go ahead. What's he got in there? Got. And uh, okay, well, this was the this was the other main one. My lightest self-published book about Scott entitled How to Find the Right hoodie after you turn 50 years old. It's just a guy wearing a hoodie. But you're not 50 is that what you're saying? Yeah, what's the cutoff to your red?

There's no cutoff. I'm just saying you've got to find the right one. It's true. It's true because after 50 it can't be a pullover. It's too hard to get in and out of. You need a zipper. Yeah. Okay.

So that's it or you had a nice one to close it up. I got a nice one. I got you I got you a B.Y.O.B. booze cruise and my limo. Wow. Thank you. That's right. You have a limo nowadays that you're driving and I yeah, I drive for lift and Uber. Yeah. And I'm too row. Who? To row.com. Not familiar. Who? What is that? It's just like it's a Zip Card. We don't. Are they a Zip Card? No, it's part of their lawyer. I mean, there's going to be a couple people in certain regions of the country that get such a charge out of here.

We don't need to cater to this. Hey, Ray, I'll be right now. Ray, to keep it up. And one day you might be the most famous limo driver, a record currently held by Jan Terry. Jan Terry, that's right. Jan Terry, a legend. A legend in the making. That's right from the Midwest, right?

That's right from Chicago. Yeah, and longest mullet. Chicago has two seas on winter and construction. Yeah, great song. I love those songs. I thought that was Toronto. It's not Toronto? Not according to the songs.

It's Chicago. Maybe she met Toronto? Not according to the song. Maybe she met Toronto and accidentally said Chicago. Wait, that's a Jan Terry song? Yes it is. I thought it was Allie out of Haynes and Jeremiah. Okay, I don't know what you're looking at. Randy, we're at a gas. We're out of gas.

We're out of gas. Yeah, you're out of gas. You're not out of gas. Don't get to work, Doug. Scott, remember what the doctor said. You could die at any second. I could die at any second. That's right. Okay, we have out of your job. Remember with the doctor said you could die at any second. I could die at any second. Yes, right. OK, we have to take a break.

Are you guys sticking around? Let's take a break. We're going to stick around. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm taking it over. All right. We've got a couple of commercials and we'll be back with another guest.

Thank you, company bank. Let's have a work for our sponsors. No, no, come back with my show. We'll be right back. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Jason Manzukas is here. The How did this get made podcast? I believe still on the phone we have Fred Guinness. Fred, are you still with? On it. Go. Hey, sorry about that. You talking to Fred put it

at the top. Yeah, I'm talking to my brother's visiting. Oh, who's your brother? My brother's Ted Guinness. Ted Guinness. What's going on with Ted? What is he holding? What do you want him to put down? He is holding some of my awards.

You get awards? Yeah, I get all kinds of awards. Guinness, like Guinness World Records? No. Oh, these are awards from other places? I get awards. Yes, from other places. Yes. I can't give myself awards

Okay, I mean that would be a little shady conflict of interest Have you ever have you ever desired to have a world record yourself? But have you know, you know, recount recuse yourself. Yeah, I can't recount recuse I don't know how to react Recount recuse Recount recuse I hope my voice is singing up with yours so um I almost I I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, I'm 69. It's like they planned it. Right. My father did plan it. So they were in the middle of 69s, I'd like, let's swing around. Yep, that's exactly what happened. My father kept notes on every act of sexual congress that he ever experienced. That's what I call planned parenthood. All you know, for a year now.

I love that series of albums. Randy Snotz is here, especially during the holidays. Back again. Randy Snotz also choruses here. What are you eating, folks? What are you eating, folks? You're eating from the box of skin tags. She's pouring oatmeal into it, and she's eating it with a stone.

You guys are all love this. Once you get a big ol' bite of this, your comeeers got me, you little bit. No, no, no, no, I'm gonna pass on that. We need to get to our next guest. No, we don't. Have some more. We don't know. I'm gonna pass on that.

We need to get to our next guest. You've heard him on the show before. He is, I believe he's in the show business industry, the Strikes Over. We can talk to him, although he is below the line. And we could have talked to him at any point during the strike. But here he is back again, room tone Tony. Hey everybody, hey, hey, hey, let's hold for room tone. Oh, that's right.

Oh, okay, we need to be quiet. There's a lot of candy crickling happening. Hold on, hold on. Sorry, for those of you not in the show business, we need to get room tone. We gotta get room tone. We know what it'll look that for. Yeah, the body's just be sound editing easier to do get room to get. We got to get room to. We know what it'll loop that for.

Yeah. The body's just make sound editing easier to do. All right. So let's hold for room. Okay. Every tone has a unique home to it as well. You have trouble with it, huh? So I just I went for the listeners not to know exactly.

Okay. Okay. Oh, through. No one can cough. Okay. Is that like an emotional tone? Jesus Christ. Maybe we'll try to get it later because., yeah, maybe I'm too hyped up.

Yeah, yeah, maybe we'll do it at the end of the scene whenever you're gonna go home. Yeah, okay. And after the scene. That's the way I talk. I'm in the microphone services arts. And we talk about our life in scene. Are you a licensed MSA?

First of all, I'm just a simple union guy. Sure, you can tell from the way you talk, you have a bit of gravel in your voice. You have a blue collar guy, you could kind of picture what I look like. Yeah. No one who has a white collar job talks like this. So, I mean, it's sane.

I mean, how do your voice get so gravel? Yeah. But me, I'm just a simple blue collar guy. And your question, Jason, am I licensed? Yes, I do have a driver's license. Nice. All right. I don't know that's what he was asking.

That doesn't matter. Can he hear me? Roach, don't you hear me? Oh, absolutely. I do have a microphone and Fred get his head cornered. Hey, let me wait. What? Yeah, I knew you were going to be on the show,

so I thought I got in there, put a love on the show. I didn't know I was going to be on the show. Check on to your shirt right now. What? There's a lava under there. A vampire clip. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, Routzo Tony, maybe you can answer, I have a two-part question. Yeah. Number one, what does below the line mean? What is the, what is the line exactly? And two, how do you feel about being below it? Interesting. Well, you know, Scott did say it.

And I know that they say that like actors and directors and writers there above the line. But me, I'm, but a simple union guy, so I live below the line. And what that means is, I guess there's a line of the call sheet and then everything underneath it, you're below the line.

I don't know, I don't know. You're just a simple guy who you make only six figures a year. I make a simple union. I'm a simple union guy. And which union is it? Sound. Got it. Sound you.

The brotherhood of sound. The brotherhood of sound. The brotherhood of sound. Right, right, right. Six, six, five. I would say that, man. Six, six, six, five. Right, oh, don't.

Just one shy of six, six, six, four, four. Four shy of six, six, nine. That's right. What what does that be? It's just like putting a six in front of 69 which is good. Oh It's an extra six part of 69. Hey, man There's just so much waiting for the nine to kind of switch over you just but then it just becomes six six six and then Oh, that's that's the sign of the guy like that as a simple union guy But you're a simple you simple union guy you make a mirror mid six figures a year six figures

Yeah, I mean this year did a little bit more Yeah, well look were you scabbing no I wasn't scabbing but look Wishing What was that a song you were gonna sing What We're standing. I'm standing. I'm standing. I'm standing too. We're standing too. We're standing too. We're standing too. We're standing too.

I know. I love a bump on the ears. Are you a song parody guy? Friend because I have another friend who writes song parodies. Alamoney Tony. You mean, we're the money Alamoney Tony? Yes. Your big fan of his work.

Not exactly. He has a record for at least successful song parody career. That can't be right. He's in kitty. That can't be right. Have you ever heard him? He has really has a record for least successful song parody career That can't be right. Isn't kitty. That can't be right. Oh, have you ever heard of? No, of course. Yeah. All right. You're right All of these videos have one view and it's him And it's so clear. It's like in a different color because it's like this is self-view even he doesn't want to watch it more He would be like even to check it and see if anybody else doesn't watch it. I hear he watches it up just to make sure there's no mistakes in the editing of the video. Right. So Tony, what's going on? It's the holidays. It's a December

to remember me and another. Okay. I don't know how to say what you say right there. But no, I just want to look. It was a tough year. Scott. I mean, with the strikes and you only made seven figures this year. I only made about seven figures and I know with actors and writers not out there doing press. They were calling the sound guys a lot. They were. Yes. Well, they needed to interview someone about Bobby.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. I noticed that. Yeah. Yeah. So I did a lot of press and I guess they pay you for it. So yeah, I did okay this year.

Seven eight figures, whatever. Eight figures, really. I worked. I worked on a lot of movies in 2022 so this year a lot of stuff was releasing which ones did you work on the cable? Let me let me get All right, so I look I worked on Barbie Barbie. That's half a barbie That's half about I worked on Oppenheimer you worked on a barbie You put them together you get a hole I went on the Super Mario Brothers movies,

went over and across the spiderverse, got into the galaxy volume three, the little mermaid, Avatar Wave, water, Ant-Man, and the wasp, what the mania. John Wick chapter four, sound of freedom, of course. Oh, of course. Taylor Swift, the air is cool. You did the air in store?

Oh yeah, I did the air in store. What a room tone in those arenas. Oh, let me tell you that. That must have been tough to rank. Absolutely. So far, William, it's getting everyone. A room tone in those arenas. Oh, let me tell you about the pop to ring. Absolutely. So far, William, it's getting everyone to be quiet. So hot to wrangle. I got to be honest, that maybe some of my least successful.

My room tone at the air is tore. Of course, I worked on Indiana Jones, that would be the initiative possible, then, Rekedy Park one, Transformers Rise of the Beast, Scree three elemental fast X, five nights at Freddy's, Puss and Boots the last wish. The Hunger Games, the Balotta, the songbirds at stakes,

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mutant Mayhem, Scream Seven, the Flash, Meget. Should I keep going? I know, I can't say. So let them go. Let them go. Let them cook. Dungeons and Dragons, on among thieves,

equalizer three, the none two Meg to the trench I'm also reading them. I'm also reading that being box office order He's the red door the Marvel Trolls band together. I don't even remember working I'm not gonna put that on. Put that on. No, for the other one, it's perfect. I'm gonna be the other one. I'm gonna be the other one.

Justin Timberlake and the N. Sync reunion. Oh, it's so curious to hear it. Once you're done, of course, reading the complete list. The difference between you're working as a sound operator for live action versus animation, which it sounds like you've done a tremendous amount of. I've done a tremendous amount. I gotta be honest, it's very similar.

For the animation, it's like they need room tone, but the room doesn't exist, so I gotta go there and find it. And where do you put the microphone on an animated character? That's a great question. In their mind's eye. Whoa. So I go with the winteries. Yeah, I give the actor who's doing the video appeal

with a microphone in it. And if I just didn't, it starts to go up into the pirate planet. Pirate land. Oh. I almost said Pirate land didn't. Now it goes into the Pirate land, it's their third. I almost said Pirateland didn't. Now, it goes to the Pineo Land, it's their third eye in the middle of the ocean.

Oh my goodness, wow. And is this a trick that you have to do or? Well, you know, there is some Doc Magic involved, of course, but they look, wait, of course. I have a Doc Magic. We haven't talked about you being Doc Magic. I'm not Doc Magic, but yeah, I have a book that I read some spells that help you get.

Yeah, I haven't talked to you. No, we haven't talked about any of this. Room a K. Rowling dark magic. No, that notorious I don't think so I did work on the Dumbledore movies Okay, but yeah, oh fantastic be a question Fred. Yeah, I gotta ask you if you ever read Brad Garrett First of all, this guy interesting Let me tell you something. I think it's a good question because it was one of the highlights of my career.

It's hard to get the mic that high. Because he is the first of all, he's tall and my stool game is not on point. Have you ever had to like, what happens if you are trying to, you know, get sound from a scene in which Brad Garrett is acting against, say, Danny DeVito? Very good question. It almost never happens because of that very difficulty, but I love them both.

And we love them both. I love them both. So I really put a lot of time in to making sure the lobs are in the right place. And you know, for Brad Garrett, the problem with him is once he goes into a sort of athary low tone, like most microphones don't pick it up right. Oh wait does he have a different speaking voice to acting voice. He actually speaks in whistle tone. whistle tone. whistle tone. Is the exact out. You know what that is? No. It's the high note Mariah Carey could hit. Oh you speak to that. That he speaks. Speaking thank you. He speaks in whistle. Wait Mariah Carey there. Who's up? I can't see you.

That's a good catch. All over the place, people who are listening to the podcast, their dogs are going insane right now. Every glass shatted in the room. Now that his voice when it gets so low, it's just hot, so I do need to access some Doc Magic in the room. What's he a nice guy? He's a nice guy.

Super nice guy. He's not like his Jimmy John's character. What's his Jimmy John's character? He's a nice guy. Super nice guy. Well, that's great. He's not like his Jimmy John's character Oh, what's his Jimmy John's character? You know, he's a spokesman of Jimmy John I didn't know so you don't think that that guy's a nice guy based on the characters He's like he's like so upset about Jimmy John's all the time. He's upset about it because he likes it I mean, not seeing these commercials. I guess I Re-enact them for us please. He's always like Wow, I got them and it's Jimmy John's

He starts with god damn it. Yeah, basically. It's Jimmy Donz. He starts with God damn it. Yeah, basically it's the only commercials on TV where he swear and he's like, God takes the Lord's name and name. My family, my family fucking betrayed me with Jimmy Donz again. Yeah, that's like, sorry. I'll slay your fucking throne if you go to Jimmy Donz. I'm gonna fucking bury you alive. I'm gonna enjoy it.

I'm gonna piss you off. Are you watching Hulu Minus? Would you show you a bunch of weird commercials? Hulu Minus? Yeah, you guys don't have Hulu Minus? Hulu has my little, haunted mansion, evil dead rise, kill us in the bathroom. Yeah, we got the weird.

Oh yeah, that was a good one. You've done a lot of stuff. Yeah. Would you work on Napoleon? I absolutely did. If I get down to the end, look at that. How did you capture audio when that cannonball destroys that horse?

I gotta be honest. I got right now, I got the worst to digest because that cannonball blew out my fucking ears. I bet, yeah. And it just blew out for you. I was shit out loud cannonball. Yeah, and I'll be honest, I kind of flubbed it on the days.

So we had to blow up like multiple horses. Oh, no. A few weeks. We were just trying to recreate it. It was not always like Calvin Swins ranch. We absolutely went down it. There was a bunch of horses that were on their way out.

They said, yeah, it's season three of luck. So yeah, yeah, you know, I worked on a lot of stuff. I did a lot of press and of course, look, Bobby, for instance, it's a movie about sound. Oh, I guess. Yeah, I mean, this thing. What do you mean you guess? That's pretty clear.

You just got to understand the movie stuff. Yeah, you can like hear the feminism and that. That's what I should. If you don't allow the women to have sound, they're not being. It's like you're simulating them. Yeah, exactly. So women have sound now. Deal with it, man. Yeah, as. Women have sound now deal with it man.

As a feminist, as like a long time feminist, I just want to say like women believe. Yeah, women what? Women believe. You know, I'm an older fellow, but I did have to recognize my own privilege at some point. From now on, I only watch movies where women are miked. Yeah, listen, I'm with you.

Even all the background artists. They all have to have me. I just saw the women be miked. I go even further. I watch silent movies. I host this silent movie night at McCoskey's in our town. Oh. And then I only do voices for the women in the movie.

Oh, so you are doing the voice. Well, but you're giving a voice to the women in the movie. Yes. And that is the most feminist thing we've heard today. It is. That's the power of this. That's an act in impersonating the women. I recognize my privilege. I get to host this at my costume

So what do I do? I pay forward to win all right and my whole for room tone Sorry, my cell phone is too close to the silent the stuff you're on a phone and your cell phone is right next to it That's just you know, I maybe I'll try to get it. Yeah, I tried to get it later. Yeah, the exorcist believe Okay, yeah, man called on us. Just am fury of the gods That's just, maybe I'll try to get it. Yeah, I'll try to get it later. Yeah. The exorcist believe the PAW Patrol, the movie. The K-Man, man called Anosha's Amphuria, the God's Side, X-Air, you Jesus revolution. Did you guys see that? Jesus. I love Jesus.

Yeah, it made 52 million this year. Is that like a dance dance revolution? No, it's in the milk, it's in a verse of course. Oh, boy, that's it. It's the one where Jesus dances. Oh, good. Jesus, finally. So, finally.

Dance. Conninging a little South Florida was pretty good. Jesus, that Oh good. Jesus finally. I need a little South for it. It was pretty Jesus said shot up and dance This cross is my destiny. I think we have a content of a least successful dog parody career because fucking Randy you blow you blow. Yeah, you an Elbony Tony. Hey, I'm confirmed in the church I could say what I want about Jesus Christ boy that's just I have a really change Scott I do want to say happy holidays thank you for the Christmas the glory of the Guantanhas all these holidays you

have a big bite of this beautiful box yeah do you want any of these skin tags? You're not skin tag Tony, right? I'm not skin tag Tony. Oh, that's a different guy. That guy is. He's a guy. That's a record.

There are also shockingly plenty of cat puke tecchitos as well. There's a lot of weird things on the table that I just don't really want to get into. I know. But I did bring you a gift, of course. Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. That's so nice. Guess what? Guess what's into. I know. But I did bring you a gift, of course. Oh, yeah. Thank you so much.

That's so nice. Get to these other assholes. I guess what's got. I want a bone. I previewed 10 of my guests. You're getting you all 10. Those are gift ideas. I actually came in.

I gave you the gift, Scott. Look at what you're talking and do right now. Mm-hmm. This microphone? Yeah. You gave me this microphone? It's a brand new microphone. Oh my gosh!

That's right. It's just what I've always wanted. My wife wanted me to get you one of those microphones because of course we got all those mics for our kids this year. Oh nice. Why did your wife want it? Why did your wife want you to get a microphone for Scott? Because well, she knows that our relationship is very new

and she says like, if you're gonna reach out to Scott, reach out to him with something personal. Yeah, you're not one of the old favorites yet. No, no, no, no, no. You're relatively new. Some people said instant classic, but not an old thing. I don't know about that. Okay, okay. But yeah, you know, I got you a microphone. Thank you so much for him, Tony. And T.T. and read the card, of course, it says that Mary Christmas from the Tony family. Oh, wait, you're a little out there. You're a little out there. No, no, my last name is Nails, but I do refer to myself as Rube Tone.

So I'd like to say it's Rube Tone. Rube Tone, Tony Nails. Rube Tone, Tony Nails, of course. And of course, there's a little drawing from my three kids in there. Oh my god, oh, look at this. My kids, of course, are sure, son, hyzer, and blue Yeti. Right, okay. And what did they draw?

What is this drawing? They drew a little microphone for you. Oh my God. A little microphone set up with a bunch of ornaments on it and there's microphones underneath it like gifts and... Oh my God, this is incredible. And on the top, a big star microphone. That's right.

Wow. Room Tony Tony, I'm so touched. This is amazing. Are you? Yes. First of Tony, I'm so touched. This is amazing. Yes. I mean, first of all, reach under your shirt. Oh my God, there's a love as well. I'm locked as well. I just want you to know that I'm getting the best possible sound of Scott Ockermy.

This is incredible. And so much. Wait a second. Does that mean like you've been wearing a wire this whole time? Like, how long have you been recording? Oh, yeah. Like how long have these mics been wired? Technically, if you are, if you're wearing a lot of the people around,

you don't know that you're wearing it, you are wearing a wire. So some people could call you a station. But it's not like I'm working with the authorities or anything Jason. Well, but he has an audio. He can release it at any time. Please don't release the audio of Scott and Karrissa. Yeah, I was just thinking about when you shoved that tentacle and see you've got my throw. That was one of those pieces of audio, like,

that I listened to and I destroyed because I thought no one else should listen to it. It's kind of like the bear. You did a grizzly man. Yeah, in Grizzly Man, I just thought no one should listen to this. So I did you so much. I did you so much.

By the way, when you're on set and one of the actors goes and and peas and you say, like, oh, I'll turn the mic on. Yeah, do you actually keep recording? God leave it on. To you to turn it on. We all want to just take to love. Like, what's my thought? Listen, if we can strike for the below the line people, so we have enough time to let people pee. I mean, I'll walk out there on the picket line. But as of right now, I have, I have urine sound from Mago Rabi Tom Cruise. I want the main troll in the troll movies.

I think that the, one of the ways that they were kind of trying to blackmail the, you know, unions into capitulating was that they were gonna release the piss tapes. Oh wow. They were gonna release the piss tapes and half the piss was gonna be AI simulations,

which I didn't think people knew, but yeah, I think, look, I have the piss tapes. I'm not giving them to the AMPTP. Thank God. I'm protecting the piss tapes with my entire life, but I'm just saying the AMPTP. Well, I, damn, Jason. I'm just thinking about how much audio you have

of Scott pissing because every time we would have sex, he would be, wait, what was it, Scott? Nine, ten, ten. I got to get it out before I can get it out. And you can hear him. You can hear him too. He's always negotiating with the toilet. Like it's like someone he's trying to block and to fucking play. Well, he's so physical.

I was contemplating. Yeah, the way he demonstrated it in the lyrics. Yeah, I was going to say, the sound of you being definitely sounds weirder than everyone else's. It's almost like you're getting ready to hump the toilet. And it's also like, we can, because you go into the bathroom right here just off the studio and we can all hear and you're shouting,

like, come on, come on. Yeah, he, he, he, he, he, he, they're all waiting, come on. He's like, come on, big boy. You can do it. Unfortunately, the toilet is the big boy. Yeah, he's talking about that. Yeah. You want the toilet to shape like a bobsby?

You want the toilet to rise up to be cute. Yes, exactly. The toilet, he wants the toilet to like, suck the peon. Why can't you? Who would be more like vacuum? Mr. Tony, every toilet, you just come with a microphone in it from a whole people.

Is that a blowjob machine? No, no, no, it's a toilet. Blowjob. Holy bee. Only bee.? No, no, no, it's a point of the show. Blowjob machine. Holy bee, only bee. Room-chill, room-chill. You see the little more than pee. You don't have Brad Garrett's urine sounds to you. Why are you so mean?

You better fucking... You're better. You're better. You better fucking not have my fucking pee sounds. I got him. I do have his pee sounds. Please protect him. I will protect him.

If I remember correctly, though, these peace out are very dull, very slow. It's like they trickle out. Well, I mean, it has to fall. It has to fall such a long way. The guy it evaporates before it gets into the bowl. You guys remember the movie by giant? Yeah, it's kind of like Brad Garrett, isn't it? Yeah, I guess about Andre the giant. Yeah, yeah, but he's like a big giant guy. Yeah, it's kind of like back there, isn't it? Yeah, I guess, but about Andre the giant. Yeah, yeah, but he's like a big giant guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the tallest guy in Hollywood. Did you guys know?

I don't know, what about tall girl? That Netflix show? Sure, yeah, what about her? She is so tall, she was like six foot. I gotta be honest, that's the one project this year I did not do seven. You did do tall girl? I didn't do tall girl, I know.

They didn't call me, I guess I was busy doing something else. That's a bummer It was such a good show wasn't what was it about about a girl being tall But I was being hot I could all my troubles of what a tall beautiful model would go through exactly I just was too busy because I was doing no hot feelings Napoleon talk to me wish Okay, okay, okay, we are not I'm sorry Tony, but I was just about to get in the seas We don't have time for the seas. I'm so sorry, but Tony. Did you do the Pope's exercises? Absolutely, did the Pope's exercises.

Now that's a good exercise. You were right. You were right, the Vespa all over the European continent. Absolutely. As opposed to Padre Vianne Venudo. This is country. Yeah, I'm going to be no. Padre Vianne Venudo.

Dobby day Ben Venudo. I have a change. A movie in which Russell Crowe plays an Italian police. I can't tell you. I enjoyed that movie. I got to be honest, that movie would not have worked without the great work our sound department did. Because look, if you really listen to him try to do the Italian accent, it's just bad. So we had to mask it.

Oh, really? So you put a couple filters on there. I know you told her. really listen to him try to do the Italian accent. It's just bad. So we had to mask it. Oh really? So you put a couple filters on there. I have a filter. We put the Italian filter, they call it the meatball filter. Oh, that's a good question. We give them the, give them the, give them the foamy ball.

Give them the foamy ball. Which is, you know, it helped about it. So everyone got that in Ferrari, right? Yes. Oh my god, how's Boogie? How's the Boogie? I gotta be honest, we spilt the filter on Jared Leto's character. It just was too much.

It's like you, you know, you put it in. And Marty, you say you worked on Mario Brothers as well. Absolutely, but you know what? They didn't want the meatball filter for some reason. They wanted Chris Pratt to just do his thing. Yeah, I got it. Wait, I missed it. Did you work on Maestro? Absolutely. I can't wait to see that. It looks so good. I got it. Wait, I missed it. Did you work on my straw?

Absolutely. I can't wait to see that. That looks so good. I don't remember what it was about though. Because I just went in there, started doing sad. People were walking around. I don't know. Was it about a caductive?

You know, you definitely worked on it. Don't remember anything about it. Absolutely. I collected the checks. Of course, my residuals have already started. That's going to be nice too, because you can then go watch the movie and see it for the first time. You know, I watch most movies muted. Oh, why? Well, because I've already heard the sound. You're dissecting the sound. And also for you sound is kind of like work. It's like you guys probably don't watch a lot of cavities and stuff. So I just watch movies of you. When you get home

Do you just get into like a big sensory deprivation tank? Oh, it's like Daredevil. Absolutely. I did myself. It's a lead saltwater. Sure. Did you have Daredevil powers? We've never talked about this. I'd never really check. Let me close by. I'm gonna guess not. Nope. All right. Doesn't appear to room to entail me. We need to go to our next. All right. I'm gonna hold on. We got a whole for room. No, we are not gonna hold for room. All right. Maybe we'll do it later. We got a whole for room, though. No, we are not going to hold for room. All right, maybe we'll do it later. Fuck. This is my lawyer, everyone.

So the first time, please welcome Terry Elemander. Hi, Scott. Hi, Terry. What's going on? Why did you request to be on the show today? I didn't request to be on the show. I requested a meeting with you. And you said, I have 20 minutes.

I'm recording from 115. I thought, I thought when you said you wanted to come meet me, I thought you meant on the show. Why would you think that I wanted to come? I don't know. I don't know. Everyone wants to be on the show. I said on my legal letter. Had I said we needed to talk Immediately and you said great. Okay fine. We can do it. We can do it on the show I have no secrets. I'm an open book. What's going on? Let me turn off the recording you No, don't turn off the recording of the podcast oh okay let's keep recording sounds me I got good news and bad news oh okay I'll I'll only take the good news my daughter learned how to canter on her horse oh that's where you go back and forth right yeah yeah it was

very exciting bad we're getting sued a lot. Oh, no. Yeah, this year was a bad year for us. So I mean, I'm just going to jump right in. So April 27, 2023, you had an episode. And I'm just going to sort of read the transcript here. Yeah, sure. I don't remember which one this was. OK, let's see if this jokes your memory.

Mr. Books, if something melts in your hands, it is no longer hard. Scott, you could be holding my penis in your hands. I'm just saying, Jason M. Sue Kess, is your dick like an M&M, Scott. That's what I'm saying. Oh, how are you gonna fail? Super, super quick cue for you, Terry.

Am I in trouble or just gone? It is, it is just Scott. Okay, thank you. I will bear and I will testify again, Scott. That is excellent to know. I have all the tapes. I know what you were saying beforehand. That is excellent to know.

I got a recording of Rizwill. Please, and it may be said that over to my office. So we're being sued by Hershey Company. Oh, not by the women involved. And not by Mr. Books. No, I'm not by Mr. Books. Who's hands you were trying to put your piece in? Who is Mr. Books again?

Mr. Books was at the book launch at the Bell House. Give it to her. He was the final guest of the book. Mr. Books again. Look, yes, right. Yeah, of course. So we're being sued by Hershey Company. They don't like the insinuation that their M&M's

are as small as your penis. Oh, really with the other way on it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So they think the M&M's are big. OK, all right. They think the M&M's are bigger. So here's sort of what I've negotiated with them. We got two choices.

OK. $8 million. To me? To M&M. We've got two choices. Okay. $8 million. To me? To Eminem. Oh, to and oh from me. Oh no, that's worse. Or a heartfelt apology. Ooh.

How heartfelt do we have to be? Pretty heartfelt. Do you want to try? I guess just a weird clear. It's not heartfelt. Oh, shit. It's a heartfelt. Not heartfelt. Hard to be felt. Oh shit. It's a heart felt. It's not hard to feel.

It's not hard to feel. And you can't counter-sue, I mean, Scott, don't you wanna stick up for your penis? Yeah. Then the discovery process, they'll figure out how big it is. You don't want that information on the public. I already leaked it.

There's a lot of pictures all over it, right it. Oh. You gotta leak it as quick as possible so you can control the whole thing. I just needed like a support system. I was like, you will need to see what I've been going through. Oh, no. Okay, you want me to try to apologize?

I love for you to try to apologize. I thought I promised you this too, the Hershey Company. Yes, that would be... You know, we talked about Hershey's last week. I don't, I think he's... Pronouns and Biomor like, Pronouns and name of candy.

Wait, what? Oh my God. He's gonna get sued again. When you say we talked about this, and you're worried about this. Oh, and you're free. You were there. Oh, this is a callback?

To last week's show? Why not? Still fresh in my mind. Oh, how many people are listening right now being like boo. Okay, it's got something. That's what they said last week. I'm going to put you down for eight million dollars

I don't have to tip right huh? I don't have to tip me. Yes I'm assuming not okay. Okay, June 18th 2023 I don't remember this one either in a conversation with an alien hologram about eating it shit and come with an alien hologram about eating it. Shit and cum, you responded to a comment about a totinahole as it being a earth delicacy. Earth death, I don't know. You responded to the hologram of the alien about the like shit and cum that a totinahole is an earth delicacy.

You're being sued by France. But why by France? Because they think that their food an earth delicacy. You're being sued by France. But why by France? Because they think that their food is a delicacy and that a total hole is not a delicacy. So you're being sued by the country of France. By the whole country of France. Yeah. Yeah, so we got two class action here.

Class action. What I do. This one has the potential to be like an heritha wind situation. Yeah, exactly. What is a delicacy? Who's to say? Well, that's it.

Depends on what the definition of a delicacy is So it really does cut down. Do you want to go against the GDP of France? You know what I'm saying is they can just sort of throw money at the situation Yeah, I don't know. Here's sort of what I've negotiated. Okay, what do we got? A lot of pre-negotiations. This is good. Yeah, before I have a good lawyer. That's a good lawyer. Thank you for saying that Also, you know additional clients. This has been a nightmare. So sorry. Not only that, a nightmare, it must be such a nightmare because it appears as though you were forced to listen

to every episode of this show. I was gonna say it's a nice meeting. To day alone, I scrubbed through, I wanna say 18 hours. So, oh no. Oh, this year's episode. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. He used to make me listen before bad. It was hell. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I'm so sorry. He used to make me listen before bad.

It was hell. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I'm so sorry. We can't talk. I can't hear any of this. I'm not going to hear any of this. And I'm not listening.

The attorney client privilege, remember? OK. So here's what I'm going to go to. OK. $8 million or $8, again, a very heartfelt apology to the nation of France. To all of France? Do I have to say, ooh, a lot.

I'm shit like that. I mean, it takes you. It feels like that might hurt our kids. Do you think that's part of an apology like that? So you think there's one thing you can say to French people that no matter what, they'll be like, oh, ooh la launch. Ah, I, France, I'm sorry. What is, what is, I'm sorry,

Randy, you know this. Well, I know French because I got hit in the head with a French textbook in high school. Right. What is it? How do I say, I'm sorry, French. Just sweet days away. Sweet days away.

What? What? Come on. Come on. That you had just defended all of France. Oh, no. Okay, forget it. The $8 million?

Yeah. Okay. All right. I've been hit. You're so rich. I think8 million? Yeah. Okay. All right. I've been. You're so rich. I think I'm, you're so rich. It's not even worth my time to be focusing on this right now.

Just give the $8 million. All right. All right. Let's move on. 16 million that we're doing so far. Okay. October 1st, somewhat recent. Okay.

First of the month, I just paid the rent. All right. So here's the transcript that I have in front of me. Okay. So, in turn, Casey from Ohio said, writers are ugly. Scott. Scott, I know. I start. Can you believe I started as one? And then they were like, you're too good looking to, you're too good looking, get on camera. Okay. Who is they? Who is they that said you're too good looking, get on camera. Hmm. Okay. Who is there? Who is there that said you're too good looking, get on camera? Do I have to say right now? Yes. And I haven't been sworn in.

You think I'm the judge? I don't know. It's producers, you know, Hollywood. Which one? I'm not talking about like a race of people. Is that what you're saying? I don't know. I, I, I did you know that control Hollywood. I'm not talking about that. You look panicked. You look panicked. You're not trying to pin that on. Oh, the microphones are frying from the laps. Which producers specifically said that you are too good looking. I don't know why I made it up. I made it up. You made it up.

Okay, well, imagination is suing you then. No. What's the imagination is suing you then? Imagination meaning the animation studio or do the minions? The sort of like the minions are suing you. The minions are suing you. The idea and the minions are suing you. That's tough, but you gotta admit.

They're funny. They're funny. They're true. Funny for you, maybe. Do you know what it's like trying to read through deposition? That can't be no, be no, be no, be no. Absolutely. TURN BANANA, BANANA, BANANA, BANANA. BANANA, BANANA, BANANA, BANANA.

Did Charlie Depp have to give deposition? Huh? Never mind. Oh. This is a disaster. I've no shade at something for you. Wait, why did you just cross that off a list? Why did you just look down to give yourself a thumbs up and cross that off a list?

I give it a check mark. What what what would you do? Go she? Well you're not gonna believe it but either eight million dollars or a heartfelt apology. I can't do I can't apologize to everyone in their imaginary and the minions themselves. I don't know. I don't know. It's like how are you going to be hot filled when you crack in your ass up with these guys? You know what I mean? You can't say that. I can't. No.

So what would you like to do? Another eight. Another eight million. Yeah. Another eight. But that's it. That's I'm tapped out after that. Okay.

Wonderful. We have one more. Oh no. Damn. February 12th, 2023, this year. Getting up for valesides. We're dealing with this year's lawsuits. You had a person on named John Hodgman. Yeah, John Hodgman. Yeah, yeah. Yes. He swore earlier in the episode.

You said, don't worry about it. No regrets. The past is in the past. Okay, so my question. What's wrong with that? I'm fine to be. regrets the past is in the past. Okay so that's my thing is so you agree the past is in the past. The past is in the past. Sure yeah. Alright so I'm just I've fly my office flag this for some potential self-road because so my so I sort of we did a little bit of digging on March 25th, on Instagram, you posted a street sign that said dirt available. And I did. I did.

Yeah, and you captioned it, I'm good. So you don't regret it. Damn, you were funny. You don't regret that. I don't regret it now. During that time, there was also a lot of iPod pictures. I think it was of your iPod. Sure.

And it said, like, my shuffle playlist, you post that upwards of a dozen times. A dozen, that's too many. Or maybe a regret there. Yeah. Okay, so I'm negotiating something for anyone that comes across the screen. For for anyone who comes across my entire is why don't I just leave my Instagram do it now. I've been begging you have you been reading any of my email? It's too good though, man. It's too good. All those selfies I post anyone that comes when you're age is very good because

I don't want to brag about my body. So I'm like, amazing fantastic. So Scott, I feel like a broker-maker at this point, you do every single person that comes across that Instagram post eight million dollars or every single person right now a blanket heartfelt apology. All right, I'm sorry to anyone who goes to my Instagram at Scott Ockerman. Goes to March 25th 2016 and sees that post. the one about I'm good. Yeah, the dirt So should the audience go to that dirt post and say Apology accepted or apology not accept Go to that dirt post

All of you go to the dirt post go to the dirt post all of you they including you Go take a dirt post. Go to the dirt post. All of you guys including you. So Scott, I want to send a Venmo please go to the post and say apology accepted or apology not accepted. Thank you. Well, you should actually check out his TikTok because we've been doing a lot of fit checks.

Scott's been going like, my clogs are from Dan's Go. My videos are from Antaela. My hoodies. My hoodies are from Buck Mason. That's right. You. You also have been doing a lot of proof of life checks. Yeah, are you still with us? Are you still with us?

When I'm sleeping like 3 a.m. I'm doing full CPR. I'm in. Well, Terry, thank you so much for bringing all this into my attention and for I guess going through all my social media this morning. Scott, I'm begging you to answer one single email. No, I'm sorry, I'm not an email guy. And sometimes when I email you'll respond back like I'll send like a bunch of stuff like you need to respond to this ASAP. No. Ha ha, so funny and you clearly didn't read it.

I'm a DM guy, I'm a DM guy. Gaslighting. Yeah. Terry, can I ask you a question? Please. Have you ever represented Brad Garrett? Okay, enough with the Brad Garrett question. But we have to take a break.

But before we do that, we got to hold for room. No, we're not holding for room. All right, maybe we'll do it. We gotta go to a break. When we come back, we'll have more comedy bang, we'll be right back after this. Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da comedy bang bang we're back we have Jason Menzooka's of course is still with us. Oh, oh, oh, hello Apparently I'm trying to do the Santa Claus. I'm doing characters now. Yeah, are you are you the Santa Claus now? If you know, you know when I was looking at the table I'm the Santa Claus

That would be great. I'm looking at it for Tim Allen table right full of anybody. Oh boy that bitch table right full of anybody. Oh boy. That bitch. All this Christmas candy. We also have a of course Ted Guinness is still with us. Fred get it. Fred get it. I'm so sorry. Is brother. Is your four year old brother. Get that out of your mouth. What's in his mouth? Another one of your awards. He's picking up crayons. Oh Jesus. But you know, my dog did that the other day. We didn't know. were like where does crayon go suddenly? Shitting purple hmm. He When I say he I mean she But I know you a female dog. I know dog shouldn't have gender. This sounds like a what up story

We also have of course my my lawyer Terry Alemander is still with us. I'm missing my daughter's horse recital for best Terry Alemander is still with us. I'm missing my daughter's horse recital for this. That's right. She learned how to counter, though. That's incredible. Well, wish I was there to see it. Yeah. And Rume Tontoni left as well as Randy and Chris crossing them off.

We need to get to our next guest, though. This is incredible. Just the other day about a week or so ago, he signed an incredible $700 million deal to play with the Dodgers. He was a free agent. He formerly was with the Angels. Yes, I know all of this off the top of my head. Please welcome, uh, Shohei Otane. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You know, it smells broken here. I don't know what you mean.

It's got broke. It's time. I think you need a new house. And I'm willing to buy you one. You're willing to buy me a house? Yes, yes, yes. Well, that's lucky because he just outlayed like 24 million dollars instead of apologizing for him at lots of loss.

Yeah, I'm pretty great. So thank you. It's good not to apologize. Rule 38 in the 48 laws of power. Don't apologize for anything Konichi wa thank you so much. How much is this house that you're gonna find me? How much you want it to be 24 million if you don't mind. I do I do one for 25. Hey, you got that for Terry. Who is this?

This is my lawyer. Yeah, Konichi wa Terry. Terry will negotiate this one. Yeah, Terry Konichi wa. Where are you at? I can't see you. I'm wearing very expensive glasses. My catchphrase. Yeah, that's his catchphrase. I can't see you. That's your catchphrase? Sorry, you weren't here for that.

But you stumbled into it perfectly. It's because I'm on the phone. Sumi Maasin. Oh, also, I'm sorry. Fred Guinness is on the phone. I want the phone. In case anybody doesn't know that. You can't see me. Listen, Scott, I'm happy to be here. I'm so happy Fred Guinness is on the phone. I want the phone. In case anybody knows that. TV.

Listen Scott, I'm happy to be here. I'm so happy to have you. These headphones are buzzing. Okay. Yeah. You need a new one. Everyone's excited that you're here. Do you all know who I am?

I mean, I certainly do Jason. Are you a sports fan? I'm not a sports fan, but I even I, without any real fandom, know who you are. You are the greatest baseball player currently in the game. Yeah, not only you are too. Oh, man. Somebody broke. Oh, damn.

Wow, wow. I mean, Jason's doing pretty well. I am a fool. He was in a Mark Wahlberg movie. Oh, yes. When it went straight to Paramount, minus. Paramount, minus. Paramount, minus. Now it's on Paramount divided to Paramount minus

Now it's on Paramount divided Paramount Pim Das all of them. I'm gonna buy the whole network. Yeah, buy it baby. You can do anything now 700 million stop saying it out loud. It's got Unless you're gonna say it much louder Yeah, that's what I'm talking about incredible. Wow. Now who is this in front of me? This is Terry. Yeah, and I actually do know who you are. You do? Yes, there was recently a thing where somebody said you got on a plane to Toronto and everyone in Toronto got very excited and then when the plane landed you weren't on the plane and then you signed with the with the Dodgers. Yeah, I don't think he's famous for the first part.

I think he's famous. That's exactly what I remember. Unfortunately, the country of Canada didn't have enough money to pay me. Could you walk me through the story again? So they thought because he was on the plane, they thought maybe he was going to go to the blue jays. I'll tell you what he said. He was on the plane and they thought maybe he was going to go to the blue jays. And there was started buying tickets, like season tickets, like, more advanced, trying

to get tickets for this. And now there's stuck with Blue Jays season tickets season what these broke losers did was track my private plane from Orange County John Wayne airport they were tracking your assassination coordinates. Yes They're trying to assassinate me. I think the most wanted man in America So ever so I everyone stuck with these seasons tickets. They tracked my play from Orange County. Orange County, John. To Hawaii to pick up my lady.

Who's your lady? The Hawaiian woman. What? Okay. All right. No more information needed. Mind the business that pays you, Scott. Don't be so nosy.

Don't be so nosy. You'll see it on TN woman. You'll see it on TMZ. Mm-hmm. If you ever make a tireland. And then I flew from Hawaii to Toronto. What were you doing in Toronto? The six.

The six, if you will. Sure. Oh, I talked to the team. Did you really? Oh, yeah, but everyone in Canada was going to chip in, but there's only like 15 people there. They didn't have enough money. Didn't have enough money.

And I also requested that they change the name of the team to the red jays. Oh, really? Because you're a cripple or because I'm a blood. Oh, blood, that's great. Scott, you can't save us. I'm sorry blood. Oh, I'm glad that's great. Scott, you can't save us. I can't be in the room for this. I need to run all this stuff by you. Oh, I love it when you when you did to speak to gang culture. And I'm supposed to ask you to stick the red with the blue. Yeah, I'm supposed to ask my gang affiliation. Can I suit him? Well, you used to be with the angels. You had to wear red all the time. Yeah, and I loved it. Yeah, but now you're with the Dodgers.

He got to wear blue. They're gonna change for me. Really? They're gonna Dodger red? Dodger red now. Wow. Incredible. Can I suit this man? I don't like how he's approaching me.

Absolutely. He can't even look at Dodgers. You can't represent him. My heart felt apology. Eight million. You mean my rolls of toilet paper? I'm like you're gonna say rolls, rolls. Rolls of toilet paper. Why would you think he rolls, Royce, but rolls of toilet paper.

Why would you think he was gonna say rolls, Royce? Because they're about $8 million. I taped them all together. I'll take them lately. I taped my $8 million together. I'm gonna roll them up. And I use them to wipe my ass. Wow.

I mean, you could do anything now. Show, show, hey, how do you pronounce your name again? Oh, can we sue this man? I do it right because he's being offensive. And I'll be honest with you, he is my only client. Because he wouldn't take my phone calls. And now I'm here. So yes, I would love to represent you. Shoe. Shoe. That's right. Mm-hmm. Oh, you confirmed it. Yeah. You can do anything now, show it. That's right. What are you going to do now? I mean, other than playing baseball,

which basically, by the way, baseball, I know it's a lot of money, that's a long-ass game, you know what I mean? Like, it's- We got a pitch clock now, so it's- Oh, I know, but I guess I don't mean the games themselves, but just the season. Oh, my God. Yes, 162 games.

Spring training, Mr. November. It's like, what, you get December off January? Wow, could you imagine working all year long? What an insane concept. This is a problem. This is a problem with you, Hollywood elite liberal cooks. You see? Damn.

It's a problem with you guys. You don't want to work for your money. And that's why you're not getting 700 million dollars. It's a Rocky Mouse. Well, so what are you going to do though? What are you going to do with all of your money? I mean, what are the things you're going to buy? Why don't people ask what will you get us this question? Yeah. What are you gonna do with all of your money? I mean, what are the things you're gonna buy? Why don't people ask,

what do you get in person's question? Yeah. What are you gonna do with all your money? I've been waiting for somebody to actually ask me. I'm gonna fly to Hawaii in my private jet. Pick up your lady, my lady. That's right. Why are you in Hawaii?

She's a Hawaiian woman. She's a Hawaiian woman. She's a Hawaiian woman. Why would she live there? She doesn't want to move out here to be with you. She wants to be in Hawaii in her native land. Okay See my hyna in Hawaii Then I'm gonna hang out there for a couple days. Okay. Well, I asked what you're doing with your money

Not like what the rest of your calendar looks like I guess Like what well the calendar is the money. Go ahead, please. My question, quite simply, with what you've had happen, with where you are in the game, with how totemic you are in culture, why are you on this podcast? Yeah, what are you doing? Sure. I wanna buy it.

Wow. I wanna buy. I wanna buy. You listening? Sell. Sell. Really? Sell. I wanna buy CBB world. Whoa I want to buy Sell I want to buy CBB world and change it to BBB world. I'm a blood So it's blood dang dang world Bommity Blank Blank, Bommity Blank Blank. I'm gonna add a L

Bommity Blank Blank world, okay, and I'd. Blang Blang. Blang Blang. Bommety Blang Blang World. Okay. And I'd like to buy and ring on my own friends to do. Who are your friends? Like who do you hang out with? Other baseball players? Mike Trout. Sure.

My Hawaiian lady. When you say Mike Trout is not the singing fish, the, no that's the Billy bat. Billy bat. Who's also a baseball player? That's Billy Bean. Oh Billy Bean. That's what I think. My favorite Mr. Bean. That's your favorite. That's your favorite Mr. Bean. That's your favorite Mr. Bean. That's your favorite Mr. Bean.

That's your favorite. Yeah. Rolly Fingers. Uh, gonna bring him on. Mustache. Mustache. Yeah, gonna bring him on. Yeah, gonna bring him on.

Yeah, gonna bring him on. Chase on Lee. We'll keep you there. Chase on Lee. Chase on Lee. Chase on Lee. We'll be here. Uh, who else?

Who else? Let me think of who, uh, Mookie Betts is gonna come in. All the Mookieies, play clock. Mookie play clock will be here. Mookie bass in Mookie play clock. Mookie play lock, the basketball player. Yeah, of course. And will they all be playing characters? Yes, everybody has to play a character.

I will be holding a gun to their head. Oh, that's a make sure they'll be just like this show. And you'll come here too, Jason Mazur. Oh, thank God. Okay, great. I'm in. I'm so excited. How much are you offering? You

Yeah, I own CBB world. Uh, how much does he need right now lawyer? You're looking everywhere but to me Only person you have not made Who is this now who is this in front of me? Terry how much money does he need? How much money do we give away today? 24 only but we need $76 million. I'm pushing the whole.

Yes. I was 15 in the whole. You bought this house on credit cards. Shit. I'll give you $10,000. It will take it. Don't I get to say it? We'll take it. Scott will take it. I'll take ten thousand. Mr. O's on the other question Please in the revamped comedy blank blank for bombity blank blank

Is this Brad Garrett related? Yes What do you want to know will Brad Garrett be on the show? Yeah, Brad Garrett. I love black black Black Garrett because he's because he has He says, yeah, he's a blood. I am saying, I am willing to change my name if you need me to in the new iteration. I will be. It's a basin, basin, basin,

blanzookin, I guess. Jays are not offensive. Oh, okay, only a C. I mean, baby, listen, I don't wanna keep talking about my gang affiliation. I'm gonna sue you. If you keep asking me that, that's a, that's a hip hop.

I have nothing you sue anymore. I sold it to you for $10,000. Ah, damn, you know what I'm like? Well, can If you keep asking me that, that's a, that's a hit by you. I have nothing to sue anymore. I sold it to you for $10,000. Ah, damn. See you guys back. Well, can I ask going to, you know, not to, not to try and blow up this deal that's going to be bad for all of us. I, so my question is, why not just start your own podcast? I mean, at this point, you've got so much heat on you. This is sort of what it is. Why not start your own, your own podcast,

don't podcast network. Well, Terry, what would you like to hear me talk about? You're look right at her, please. I read almost it from what I could hear. I refuse. I guess what would you like to hear me talk about? I don't know sports, baby. I know a lot about it. Why buy an unsuccessful podcast network?

Why not buy like one that is successful? Even like Joe Rogan, like or the ringer, one that sports focused. I like to prove to myself that I can the ringer, one that sports focused more. I like to prove to myself that I can make anything successful. Interesting. I love this.

It didn't work out with the angels. Sure. But now, with Bommini Blang Blang. Bommini Blang Blang, of course. Yeah. It's got to be the biggest thing smoking. Do you think you'll be able to continue to take the Dodgers all the way to the playoffs and then no further?

Yeah, absolutely. First round losses for the next 10 years. Wonderful. That's your promise. That's my promise to this city of Los Angeles. Did you hurt your arm, too, or something? I did. And but you're okay now.

Yep. I got an Iron Man arm. You do. Really? I got an Iron Man arm. And arm. I got an Iron Man arm. What does that mean?

That means. Like a piece of armor? Or you've got like a winter soldier arm, like the robotic arm that goes directly onto your body? It's an Iron Man arm technically. It's a suit on your arm. It's an exoskeleton.

Yeah, it would probably be not. You've asked the wrong room of people. I haven't seen the film. I haven't seen the films. I was too busy playing baseball and hanging out with my Hawaiian lady. I mean, they got to meet this Hawaiian. They are so we're bringing around the show sometimes. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, don't bring a you know

Some of these is a different race and then just pretending to be that race. That would be offensive She's hit a big meal right now. No, I don't think she's here I'm saying no My Hawaiian Hina is here to pick me up right now. No one wants to bite. No one wants to bite. Oh wait She wants to use your microphone. Is that all? I can't use this one. I'll need to buy a new one.

Well then you'll have to stand silently behind you. Yeah, unfortunately. Wow. Well, cowards. Show, hey, thank you so much for being- Can you stick around here? Yes, I don't have anywhere to go. Oh good. Oh yeah, there's no game today or anything like that.

No game today is December. One of your months off. One of my months off. All right. What's my daughter? Like I'm sorry. I'm playing my Hawaiian. Hi. Hello. Oh, you boss. Bam. He's talking about what is your daughter love? It's a bond. Yeah. I love that. It's wonderful to see you guys together. He's my everything. This is the romance of the sent you.

This is bigger than Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. This is the sports romance of the sent you. Show Hyotani and his Hawaiian lady. It's really quietly, ladies. Don't tell them your name. I definitely would. Who would you ever give? All right, well, we need to go to our next guest,

are you stick around or? Sure! Can you wear my, can you wear my, oh, Tadi, it's where I am, too. And Fred, you're still here. Absolutely, I'll go. Go for Fred. Okay, good. Well, we need to go to our next guest.

They were on the show last year, I believe. I can't remember their names. Please welcome back the Clam. Clam and who again? Pearl and Clam. Pearl and Clam, the real and Clam, the picture. The picture. The picture. Yeah. We twins. We twins. We brother and sister skis. Yeah. And that's that day.

The bike and man's Zolinkus. The bike and man's Zolinkus. You're the father of the bike and? Yeah, that's the father of the bike. I don't remember the lore, but I'm willing to believe it. Why did your members do it until recently? But now we remember bankamans, the bankamans, the ones that says our father. We grew up in a tuba, the grand ol' opera.

We just knew this one. We're just little. We're just little. That's part of it. That's part of it. You friend can't see you. You grew up in a tuba. Yeah.

An instrument not normally associated with country music. Yeah. Well, we don't always do this. Anywhere there's spit, we thrive. I would never smell like spit and we vibrate like tubas. Ooh, we love that tuba vibrate. When that brown no-gooster or the piggy ball, Oh, yeah. That's how we came abaged the

Toe of vibration. Okay to see you guys. What do you it's the holidays? What are the pig shit twins do during the holidays? Yeah, what are the pig shit tradition? Glad you asked because we got now and we don't got on on on on on a no, Pee go see a green car company. Did you understand? There a green car company We got a green car Green green car does need a green car does she? Huh? Huh? My wife is a white. I have no lower car Me day ABC stores discount car. I can't be listening to any of this

Sorry about this is taking furious notes and and really look stressed it everything that's happened in the last 10 minutes So what what do you guys do? I didn't quite We're starting a greeting card company. That's what we were just talking about greeting cards earlier in the show You were yeah, I did it tight 45 seconds on them. Really, that's too long. Yes, it was. It's got an interesting theory that why are they called greeting cards when you just saw the person. And you said hello already.

I want to hear more than 45 seconds of this. I like it, I think it has legs. So that's where you're at. You're at pig shit twin life. That's your audience. Yep, my demo. We don't think you had like we think you got All right, I'm gonna give y'all y'all own show on Bommini Blang Blang world. Yes. Are you in? Yes?

We got we've given it. We you, Hallmark. I've heard of Hallmark, you know, they do all those great movies. Yeah, and cards, I think. Oh, that's right, yeah, they're starting with cards. Are you, is that the model you guys are trying to do start with cards and make your way up into movies? Well, that's the thing, you know, cards, they cost like a dollar 50 each. Movies, they're like a hundred million dollars. This is like, why, why would anyone start with?

You're so out of touch, you think cards cost a dollar 50. Why, how much are they these days? Oh, they they sing they light up. They do all sorts of stuff now these cards are like seven bucks Seven dollars for a card my card My cards Rich Can eat you Can you do it? Can you do it? We have Christmas greeting cards.

My brother just sent me one. Oh, okay. Can we hear some of these? Yes, you can. Okay, take it away. Three kings came riding from far away land. At the small of our backs grows a tiny hand. They came bearing gifts for the new glorious king. We asked a page in a ghost

daddy, but he said it was just a flame. What do we think? That's the first one. Wait, does it end with what do you think? Curious meter. Very specific. And sounds like pages law. Yeah. Yeah, we're in another one. What holiday? Yeah, yeah. These are all for my crazy. It was mentioned the three wise men of top. Oh, right.

This one will help make it more clear to you, Sean. Is that your name? Show him. Show him. Show him. Oh, our names pig I know biggy Santa came to town and I want to snout with glee He killed a cat and drunk. It's blood piggy jamborees. What do we think? Is that part of it?

It does stand on you know this is what the piggy jamboree. Yeah, it's one piggy jamboree. There's another one. Do these have images on them? Or are they just text based? There's a little square where you draw your own image. Okay, but we encourage you to draw Dinotalia Car comes with a little pencil and it says draw dick. There you So the car is also on the front of the car after what do you think? So the car is also on the front of the car. After what do you think? I don't know about that. I'm sorry.

I don't know. Peggy Santa brought us gifts. We now we have to kiss him. How bloody are his hoovian hands? Peggy Jambarizans. Okay. Okay. What do you think?

I mean, I'm glad Jizemos is here. Draw a deer. Draw a deer. If you dare. Peggy Santa loves the kids. He puts them deep in snow. He puts them deeper, deeper still. Piggy Jambo Row.

What do you think? Draw a dick if you dare. Draw a dick. Draw a dick. Draw a dick. Here we go. You're the last one. A lot of big piggy, piggy, jambo, raw piggy, jambo, re, piggy, piggy, one, two, three.

God protect us, please. What do you think? Draw a dick. Draw a dick. Draw a dick. Pigey Pigey one two three God protect us please So they seem to become more and more obsessed with this piggy jam bar Are you guys throw it that that seems like the holiday you're talking about you say holiday cards That seems like the hook that is really being explored the hoof the. Yes. Because piggy jamborees are born version of Chris Smith. Oh, nice. What, when does it occur the piggy jamboree?

Now. Oh, it's really. Right, now. Oh, well, happy piggy jamboree. But we brought your helmets. Wait, why, Halo? Yeah, because you're going to get popped around by all the little muccles.

But youngest pigs in the group get to pop around the heads of the older guys. Oh, okay. And that's Piggy Jamboree. I'm sorry. That's all it is. I couldn't help but notice from some of these cards that you brought. They are soaking wet.

Yeah, they drip in and bling. Yeah, oh, that's blood, really. Yeah. It's blood on my and grease on clams. Remember that part, grease from our last. It's good. The cards are covered. Remember that part? Grease from our last. The cards are covered in Clem Greece. Yeah, Clem Greece.

And you're a lot much from now, to be honest. I haven't started pulling the best of clips. Yeah. Oh, it's going to be on there. You're going to want to familiarize yourself with our best. Do you remember it? You have to look at it. Do you remember your own lore?

I do. A lot of people saying we were written and directed by your ghost Lenthebos How sure are we I tried it by the way, I think you're fine. It's I got it right you think what do you think what do you think? What about that pronunciation? Oh, about the pronunciation? Great, great. Great, great.

About the cards, I don't think much of them. You don't want to invest in our company. Well, I don't have, all I have is $10,000 now. Please, Greg. That's the number. All we are asking for are sharks. For sharks. For sharks, you want actual sharks?

For sharks, sharks. Can you give us sharks, please? Please, sharks, yeah, me. This is podcast shark tank. Yeah, so you want actual we want sharks sharks can you give us sharks please Is it yeah, this is podcast shark tank. Yeah, so you want sharks. Yeah, it exchange for 15% of our company We would like 15 sharks. Oh, I've got 24 you in my shark tank. Oh my god Mark you've been just quit so I'm taking his spot on the smart wait clam. Can I talk to you for taking two sharks? I'm taking his spot on the shot. Smart. Wait, Clam, can I talk to you for taking two sharks, eat peas? I think they will.

I think they might. Yeah. If we were in the ocean, I think they would really like us. But if they're in a tank, we just got to try not to jump. And even though we want you so bad. All right. Let's get the sharks. And we try not to jump in.

Okay, I'm going to put my suit on just in case. Okay. Just in case you jump in? I don't want to jump in. But I'll put my suit on just in case. I, just in case you jump in. Well, I don't want to jump in, but I'll put my suit on just in case. I'm gonna hide out in a bag of fish food. Hope somebody grabs me, it throws me in thinking I'm food. No, no, clean.

We don't want to get eaten by the shark. I'll put my little tin canyons, my little piggy-billy button can get some fresh air. Oh my gosh, my sister looks so beautiful. Oh, my goodness. I'm gonna clean. Are we just gonna let this happen? Yes, so is this kind of show?

I don't know that I care what happens to the picture. Take it, quit. Put it on your helmets. The Fred Guinness here on the phone. Hey Fred. If I were to invest in your greeting card company, would I get to meet Brad Garrett? He's a, he's a comedian,

a deep voice actor, and actor, of course. Sure. I mean, maybe not a dramatic actor. Like Ray Romano was crossed over into dramatic acting. I think he could do it though. Yeah, but Brad probably could have. He was great in a season of Fargo. Yeah, oh yeah, it's right.

There you go. In a threatening kind of gangster way. I bet you're eating your words now, Scott. Yeah, I truly am. Brad Garrett, if you're listening, I hope you are. I know you are. Brad words now Scott. Yeah, I truly am Brad Garrett if you're listening I hope you are and I know you are Brad Garrett's listening God. Can you imagine him listening to your voice? Brad You're my favorite Well, right here. Can I wear to different message? Yeah send a message to Brad. He's listening

Brad Garrett if you're listening. This is Fred Guinness. I run the Guinness Book of World Records And I would like to bestow upon you the World Record IV. Creators' actor. I thought you didn't do it in my heart. I thought you didn't do greatest. I do now. Wow. Wow.

Wow. I like to see Brad Garrett play Jerry Lee Lewis. American musical legend. He's so much bigger than even a grand piano in the problem. I think Dennis Quaid. The perspective would be wild. Dennis Quaid degraded that. We don't need another one. Who?

Dennis Quaid, father of one of the best Nepo babies in the world. I'm unfamiliar. I'm from Japan. Jack Quaid, he was on two episodes this year. Did he say anything problematic? No, but Scott said something very problematic around him. Okay, yeah, he's not going to sue me. I don't think.

Dennis Wade is the record for craziest brother. That's right. No, he's not the craziest brother. Yeah, we have for having a great, exactly. Well, Pink Shed Twins, I don't know guys. We got more. Oh, it was erotic. There's something about Pink Shed Twins.

It's like they're just like inactive and then they come to life and He's actually terrified to be honest. We wear a sleep There for that last man. I'll take a little more because I'm realizing I didn't CC one of the guests And that's why they haven't showed up so I just texted them and they're coming by so we have some time Meanwhile this guest who you've spent the last hour and a half badmouthing for being like badmouthing And they're coming by so we have some time So going on Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no can always spank us. Spank us. That's got. Tariots. Scott's it down. Oh, damn. Sorry, what was that? What was that Capskin glove you were putting on? Finger by finger. Yeah. He's not actually standing up,

it just looked that way. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. A way. Glad heart. Get up and sing. It is the birthday of thy king. Awai, Awai, Awai, Awai in a manger. I keep my poops for later and know the smell

little container. Awake, Awake, Awake. Lat from his locks and all the wings of a whisper. Does anyone know if you can marry your sister? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? Specific, but I think it's also universal.

And for cancer, unprignant. Your pregnant? Yeah, with more than 1000 more pain relief babies. also universal. What's pregnant? You're pregnant? Yeah, we've got further 1000 more pain away babies. Oh no. Is that okay? Is that okay? I truly don't know.

You can spank us. Are you mad? If it's not okay, we'll bend over now. I think it's with you guys. And if it is okay, we'll bend over now. Okay, I don't know what, Terry, is it okay? Ask me that side. Can I get me to go ahead?

I'm sorry, can I ask a question? Maybe go this away from this a little bit. Okay. So, you know, homer style movies, because the greeting cards company sometimes that's purse ideas for the films. Any of these that you would look to turn into maybe something feature length? Great question.

Great question. Great question. Yeah, cool. So, there's a man who's in London on business. Yeah. Okay. And he's picked on the top and business on the bottom. Oh, so he's wearing like a suit's trousers?

Oh, Scott, you look like a suit's trousers. He's wearing suit trousers, six nipples up top, big piggy snout. Okay, got it. He works in an office building. He meets a British baker. Okay, there's just bakers only six months old. Oh boy. And they're related and guess what?

Oh no. One thousand babies wearing the piggy jamboree. Bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, We're building that to you as well. So many new things. Yeah, too many. I can't process any of this. We can't either scalp. Yeah. Our brains are just baking. Tell you what, next time you're on just tabula rasa, we don't have to talk about anything you've ever talked about before.

Tabula rasa. I love that restaurant. That's our sister's name. It is, she's long, yeah. I love that restaurant. And that's our sister's name. You have your sister's name. It's your sister's name, that's our sister's favorite. You have your sister on the restaurant. You have your sister named after the restaurant or vice versa.

Why your sister? So your sister was named after vice versa? The restaurant? The sister's name is vice versa. And that's my favorite restaurant. We got a lot of famous sisters. Debuta Rasa, Piggory Duff, all sorts of actors. Piggory Duff.

Oh yeah. Piggory Pek. Pegg actors. Oh, yeah, Piggory Peck Paggrey Snore all Kerman he's our other brother. He now know. I don't know I'm gonna. He's also a restaurant Remember these things The wikipedia people are Are just melting down right now. Hey any relation to Peppa pig now

How old are you guys? It's a good question. We started as a single sale organism. Sure, sure. Yeah, sure. And you're counting from them? We count in sales splits. Oh, yeah. So those doubles sort of every day. Yeah. We're 100 million billion years old.

Oh my god. I'm curious. I'm sorry. I'm a fan of phase, pro phase. You've seen everything then. You've been around since the dawn of time. You saw Adam Driver in that movie 65 travels. Yes. That's right. And if you spank his heart enough, you'll get our memories. What? Chase! Don't you mow them? Wait, Terry. What?

Terry, look at me. Don't you want these memories or not? You can know what the dinosaurs really look like. I don't know that on my noise can feel it feathers Don't you want to know they had feathers or cloth boots or what? Yeah, I do let me get I want to spank these guys all right you come on over Terry All right, don't look wait Scott you can only spank one of us at a time and one of us always spanks a line one of us always spanks a truth Yes, see

It's very simple. It's very simple. All right, spank one of us and you get a live vision. You spank the other one and you get a true vision. Got it. All right, climb up. You don't know which it is. I don't know.

You will know. I don't know. I don't know which is which, but I'm going to pick whoever's name, Clam. Okay, that's me. That's me. I think you need me trying to want to let him know my drawers. Put none as glue.

Wait, wait, wait, put the butter on your rope. All right, butter my rope. Okay, I'm you need to kind of want to let me know my drawers put none is glove Wait wait, let me put the butter on your own all right better my room. Okay, I All right here I go here, okay Oh a double oh What do you see it Scott? What do you see it? I'm seeing They all have feathers yes the dinosaurs head feathers What are you seeing? I'm seeing. It's getting dark. They all have feathers. Yes, the dinosaurs have feathers. They have green, green, green skin, wrinkly skin.

Okay, so far. True. Okay, you don't know. They have clawed foots. It's like you're keeping ties. And they have groucho glasses. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Clam, you're the one who has the visions of the lies. Mine's the lie-ass. Oh. And you made your choice. That hand's not coming to anywhere near me now, because I'm allergic to butter. Where's you the one buttering hands? Never mind. I buttered him but I did it with something else. Oh, okay, got it.

I think it's popular. I know what it is. We're breaking in a big spot. Speaking your language. Now you speak in my language big lady My boyfriend so good I love you. I love you. We are ready guys time for the second. I'm so sorry But get picture twins you guys sticking around of course Terry I need you to leave though. I can't I'm out the door. I figured Fred Jason you guys are sticking around I have to go unfortunately

Are you leaving? Yeah Ted stuck a fork in the socket. No, yeah, I've taken the Irish emergency room What's that called? Just a pub What about you show how did this get made in Ireland? It's coming up in March? Oh my god, wait, who's this Scott? Who's this? How are you friend? Wait, this is me. OJ Clause. Oh, I lost. Coming in right before the break.

Yeah, I heard that your lawyer was here and I was wondering if begging you could represent me. I'm begging me to what? Why would I ever do that? Terry, I have a glove. You could use it in your defense. Scott, Scott, kill me. Please, drop me in the pool. Take me out. Is this fun for Christmas? I just wanted you to represent me. What's going on in your life now? You need representation. I am getting a lot of entertainment opportunities. You are really? Yes. Make it gun for?

Yep, it's coming back. It's happening. Hot off the presses. Well, I need someone to look over the gun. Well, all right. You know, I'm in the hole for a lot of money because I, I signed a contract where any debts of Scott transferred over to me if he doesn't pay them. You tell me that?

I can just not pay them? Holy shit! I'm back in the money, baby Why did you slap a picture to win just now? What is Jesus look like? Big brown beard Right why rob Well, okay, closet it's a Christmas miracle so good to see you great to see you do Scott But now we're going to break take care

We do have to take a break. We're gonna come right back We have even more if you can believe it and someone who's coming Transically driving over who will be right back with more comedy back bang after this Comedy bang bang we're back Jason Mansook is still with us. Yeah, here we are I meant in life as well. Still alive. Still alive. And uh, show hi. Oh, Tony is still with us. Konichiwa. Konichiwa. Your wife had to leave though. She did. My lady. You're not your wife. I'm my wife. Are you trying to put a ring on the finger, especially with the new seven? You got to get a pren up out of my business. I'm so sorry. And yes, a pre-nuptial agreement will be in play

because I am making more money than most athletes make in their entire. Yeah, more than LeBron ever will. Over 700 years of the dollar. I just tell her who told you that. God, no one, I just know these things. We also have the pick shit twins are here. Ah, ha, ha, ha. I think it We also have the picture twins are here. Ah, I'm gonna give this PC.

This is it. I got a Christmas wish. Oh, okay. I got a Christmas dish. Okay, I want to hear the Christmas wish and I want to taste the Christmas dish. And they rhyme, okay. I would like a functioning eye.

I want to be here, but go by. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great. All right. I cannot grant the eye. Yeah, I thought I'd ask. But can you make a pie or is she make it be a pie? Can I please make your pie? Sure. Make me a pie. Oh, please. Yeah, I would love one. Thank you so much. I'm going to put something out in it. Oh, really? Like what? Something sicko. Oh, okay, gosh. I don't know that I wanted to get that. Uh, and we do need to get to our next guest. Uh, he's never been on the show before, but, uh, look, it's the holidays.

We love to open our doors to anyone. Please welcome to the show, Dr. Marty Goldstein. Hey, Scott, I'm so happy to be here, Scott. This is one of the great honors to be able to to to be on this podcast in support of my newest Veterinarian high-protein diet for dogs, and I'd love to just come here talk all about it. Yeah, I guess I do yeah, I have two non-gender dogs. Yes, okay great He's gonna to you. Oh, yeah, I a picture spoke to me is your owner is he No, I don't know I don't know when you guys are

These are the pig shit twist Yeah, that Name procedure You know everything about us. Are you still married to Jason men's Lucas from your proposal in the last episode? No, he's our day. That's what it was. He's our daddy and it's big and manzoinkus. But he's a mario's if he wants to. Always more room for love and peace. And even though I believe this is your first appearance on the show, you know the lore of the picture. I know the last episode of the show, of course, and of course every time

this season comes around, I bought my family and I sing a little poem like the big for the biggie jamboree. I forgot what it was called which is hard because it's at the end of every single poem. So I guess you can go into this I mean I mean it's you can I guess you can go I mean I've never I've never met this guy before I guess you could do whatever it is You came to do we're at the tail end of a long holiday episode. I don't know who you are I don't know who you are It's not his fault why you mad at him about it?

I'm not the person at this table and two of us are beings Going forward should the person anyone listening who's gonna come at the answer they have less to do I don't know I don't have less of an idea. I don't know. I love your ideas. I just I've never seen you from Adam. I don't know. Dangerous for this. Yeah. I don't know who you are. They don't make the pig shit twins look bad by coming in with a premise after them. The pig shit twins had a whole poem that they maybe wrote like the postal services what I'm imagining where they sent it back before. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're close. I felt like I was experiencing a once in a lifetime thing just here in the but I am Dr. Marty Goldstein. Okay. That's covered. Okay. At this point.

And all of my animals that I feed my high protein diet are Marty's miracles. Okay. Goldilocks. A Shibu Inu. A Shibu Inu. A Shibu Inu. On Death's Door with Melanoma, six years old, sick is a dog. His owners put him on Dr. Marty Goldstein's high meat diet and now Goldilocks is digging

holes, chasing moles, and surfing with growl. That's just one of them. Of course. It is one example of Marty's miracles. The problem, Scott, is you, like other dog owners, do not give your dog a high protein diet. Okay, how high does the protein have to be? Full protein. They're on the cave dog diet.

Okay, so 100% protein. All protein all the time, Scott, I'll come in. And these dogs, I see these dogs in their owners think they're sick, they're untreatable, and I say, what are you feeding them? They say, kibble, they say, whatever falls on the table, and I said, not enough meat in there. There's got to be something in between kibble and whatever falls off the table. I'm telling you what they say to me, Scott. Okay, all right.

It could be all sorts of things, but we need to take the dogs back to the cave dog days. Okay. High protein all the time, not a single sick dog has gone on my diet and died because of it that I know of. But dogs have died? In the world? These dogs that you've had on your diet have died? Not certainly, everything, life comes to an end

for everybody. Everything dies, that's a fact. Everything, yeah. Everything dies, may soon come back. That's the theme of this show, right? Everything dies. Yes, and the dogs that eat my de goldsteams, Everything yeah, I think that's it may soon come back. That's the theme of this show. Right everything dies Yes, and the dogs that eat my de goldsteams miracle hyper on team diet It's not a miracle like Jesus Christ. They're not coming back to life forever

I know I'm not saying that you're claiming that they're coming back to life from already being dead What you are saying that you have like a Lazarus type food I like to think so I think if anyone selling you a product doesn't believe it'll bring you back to life They are giving you a bad product that they don't believe in Anyone here have a dead dog with them What do you have me? Well, my mother died a few years back. Oh, yes, and I'd love just one more hug Is that possible to do it on people?

I speaking to OJ call. Yes, I'm looking at you. That's the only thing I can think of to call you. Yes. OJ clothes. I bring gifts. I come bearing gifts. And I'm Shohei O'Donney, Kaniji Wa. Hello to you both gentlemen. But yeah, I could bring I could shove some of Marty Goldstein's high protein diet into your dog's mouth. I think your issue was your dead grandma mother, mother, excuse me. You could shove it in her mouth and then what?

And then bring her back to life. It usually works on dogs, but we could try it on uh, uh, uh, uh, OJ's dead mom. And to be clear, it's just high protein. It's just meat. It's just meat. So this is like the liver king treatment for dogs. Uh, enough of millions. After we've got it. After we've got it. The second time you're king.

Yeah, it's a sequel. Did I do a cold plunge? The dogs. Oh, yeah, the whole thing is a holly because cave dogs. It was freezing all the time. Yeah. So you've got to put dogs back in the elements they grew up in. Now, obviously, Scott Ockerman's dogs are living in sin. They're living.

I don't know what you mean by that. Are they married? I mean, I put them in the same cage. And are they married, Scott? I don't think we married. It's not official. It's okay to admit it's okay to admit it's not embarrassing. It's just the truth.

They're genderless, you say? Yeah, well, I don't like to call them by the gender. Yeah, or what I mean to say is I misgendered them earlier in the show. Somehow. Well, to me, that's, to me, that's your business. And I'm not saying it's a bad business. Yeah, get out of my business, right?

Show high. Right. Konichiwa. Is that just your catch phrase? God, it's just hello, right? That's it. I'm not doing anything offensive. I love ending everything with hello.

It's like saying hello. Koneji, wow. Yeah, that can't read. Don't make no sense. It's a key. She is. I understand. Hello, in your language. It's goodbye. Wait, you've been saying you can buy this whole time.

Bye. Bye. You haven't left. I have to say much more. I should read. We can't until. I have to say, much more sugary. We can't until our pig butts fill up with pus. What? What? A piggy jamberies.

Daisy, a beagle. In a coma, diagnosed with freaky fur. Nine years old, seeing the light sick as a dog. We've made a minute. On Mardi Goldstein's diet of steak, egg, sausage, pulled pork, and now Daisy is chasing squirrels, humping girls, and buying pearls. Scott Ockerman, you need to get on Dr. Marty's Miracle Diet. I do myself or my dog's.

You do, but I speak to this for a minute. If you want to hunt for girls, Scott, you better get on it. Sausage. Sausage. So this is like an East Coast New Jersey long island sausage. You want a hump of girls got you better get on it. Sausage. Sausage. So this is like an East Coast New Jersey long island sausage. East Coast New Jersey long island or like West Coast moved into an expensive neighborhood but they got Frank Snotrol over the wall so you believe it.

Sounds like my house. I'll go need you. Why? Oh Jay that's Shohei's cat friends. That's show a Well, these are great success stories I agree So I do you know and yeah, if you go to my these miracles dot com you can get this for your dogs We can marry your dog. It's not a thing I do, but I can do it for you Why are you offering that if it's not a thing you do? I don't know I don't know because I want to be needed

Don't you don't you You just want to be needed it's part of the human thing. I guess so I'm here And I just want you to need me around you're saying you're not gonna feed your dogs my high protein miracle diet I'll marry you. I don't care. Are you Mary doctor? Dr. Marty Goldstein is single Are you doctor Marty Goldstein? That's me Well because it's embarrassing because I'd like to be married, but I have you been close ever well I've proposed to my living girlfriend a few times turn me down You're living girl

I saw her sitting at church. She looks dead Rob Zombie wrote a song about her about 15 years ago. I just went to Marty.com and it says 404 not found. Yes. I'm trying to get to Marty's miracles.com as you promoted. But I have found Dr. Marty Pets as heard on serious satellite radio. Oh, there's my number one enemy. Not even competitor, actual enemy. Oh, this is my number one enemy. This is anemosis.

This guy takes what I do and he makes it a laughing stock. Advertisers on serious exam, which is as far as I understand, was supposed to be no commercials. Now you're listening to Team Coco Radio and I got a hearing ad for how Johnny Carson's got a network or they got eight other artists from the James Carson's got a network? Yeah, they give Carson a network.

You shouldn't be allowed to give it that per- Team Carcars? Team Carcars, Team Dry Dry. Torch are big sets of networks? Yes, and I can't get no hair on that radio station. But of course, Dr. Marty Pets. Dr. Marty Pets? He makes dog and cat food.

Oh, he does cats too? You do cats? Me too, I do now. I do now. I mean, it's all the same stuff, right? No, Scott, it's my protein. You take cats food away, right? Yeah, it's the reverse of what I do with dogs.

Do you ever go down to the pet cemetery? Is that a using this in for cuddling? We know a deep thing to talk about. Oh, no. Oh, you found me out. I don't know. Right on, brothers. Me and my Hawaiian lady always going down to the beds and Oh, no, oh you found me out right on brothers Me and my Hawaiian lady always going down to the bed cemetery

Well, look dr. Marty I need. I you can stick around if you like. Oh, that's all I want is to be needed Scott We still have a couple more guests. I can't wait to meet them. Yeah, you want to stick around we Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, I'd love to watch the Lakers Paces game at five, but as long as we're done before then I'm fine. Okay, sure Yeah, I can guarantee you what I've done but you TV which DVR is every game You just put it in there if you have league pass or whatever. And it'll be the details on this. I'm not gonna do the game.

I just can't go on to X or anything like that because it'll be spoiled for me. Or like Twitter. Yeah, I, all right. Look, we need to get to our next guest. Oh, okay. He's been on the show a couple times, I believe. I don't know how he fits it in necessarily,

but because he is the world's busiest man, please welcome to the show back for a third time. I believe, Net Bellinella. Hey, he's got it. I'm doing good. I'm doing good. How are you? He's just Christ. I can't believe I'm here. I can believe you're here either. My God. Fucking A.

Fuck you. I didn't realize he cursed so much. Oh, no, I do. Oh, okay. You're stressing. I'm cursing. Yeah. Oh, okay. Great. Oh, stress that. How'd you fit it in? I don't know. I celebrate all the holidays. I celebrate Christmas. I celebrate cursing. Yeah. Oh, okay. Great. Oh, stress that. How do you fit it in? I don't know I celebrate all the holidays and celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa. I celebrate the lemon feast

We're at lemon feast. I heard of that. Oh, that's where you celebrate all the food that makes all the fruit that makes your face You know frown You see basically you sleep in the grapefruit between your knees and you live leave a little lemon zest on the nightstand for lemon Larry Got it. Oh for lemon Larry. Yes. He visited you the middle of the night Yeah, then you pray down to a big lemon a citron You know talking about those big lemons. I haven't heard any I know the benefit of fucking huge track. Okay, got it Yeah, okay. Okay. Well, it's great to have you on the show. Yes Now before it was the last time I was here. Yes, you had to sign an NDA do you remember that I do remember

I mean you didn't have to sign another one. Yes, okay Okay, okay, it fucked up last time. Oh my clients were pissed off. Yes, you had to sign an NDA do you remember that I do remember I do have to sign another one yes Okay, okay, you fucked up last time. Oh my clients were pissed off. No, what happened? Well, they got sued because all their private information was released Oh shit. I'm so repeat after me. Can you repeat after me? Okay? I repeat after you I scat I scat okman and but where these calls may contain and but where these calls may contain things and topics of a violent and sexual nature Things okay, I don't know that I got I wish Larry was still here Things and topics of a violent and sexual nature. Okay, I don't know. I've got, I wish Larry was still here. Things and topics of a violent nature. And I could, and I condone them.

And I could, and I condone them. I could, I'm, okay, I condone them. And I will not report it to authorities. And I will not report it to authorities. And if I do, and if I do, I give you full permission. I give you full permission. To give me the big blue pickle in bed. To give you the big blue pickle in bed.

All right, sure. Okay. All right, now you sign it. All right, now you sign bed. I'm sorry, I'm getting a phone call. Hello? Yes, hello? Yes, is this the pump-and-n-n-climes? Yes, so no, I have a big scoop. Yes. Uh-huh? No, a bagel boy is putting it not enough pump-and-cl-in-the-bagels. Yes. Yeah, no, they're barely brown.

It's a huge scandal. Yes, no, I'd like to renew my subscription to pump-and-cl-time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I! Yeah, no, they're barely brown. It's a it's a huge scandal. Yes, no, I'd like to renew my subscription to pumper nickel times too. Yes, six years please.

$1500? Okay, what's your Venmo? Pumper nickel with a B, so bumper nickel. Okay, and the nickel is a dime, so bumper dime. Okay, got it. And why is that? Why is it bumper dime, by the way? It's a C- Oh, hold on a second. That's my alarm. Hello. Oh That's my alarm. It's just my alarm

No, I don't need to say a little no, what's your alarm for though? I it's a Honda alone. Ah, what do you mean by a Honda? Honda Honda, huh? I it let me know I just have to check if my ex my car is parked in front of my ex-wife's house. Oh, okay You have to take a viewer's car. Yes. I want to scare her so I pocket right in the house All right, is it there? It's there right now. Okay, it's currently there. Yeah, okay, so is she scared? Yes, I just do a fine my iPhone and it's in there. Oh great Yes, yes, yes Yeah, I'm a funeral director. you know I have a ton of jobs. Oh, I am.

Hello! Yes! Hi, yes, I have a problem. Yes, so listen, I have a problem with your grandfather's body. Yeah, here's a problem. He was a very told man, so I couldn't fit him in the casket. Right. Well, I had two choices.

I could bend his legs or I could bend his head. Well, I bent his head. I put a rod right against his nose and I bent his forehead right against his chin. And then it looked, here's the problem. It looked like a purse after that. And you know, I couldn't help myself, so I put coins in it. Yes, anyway, listen, I'd like to offer you and your family

15% off on any casket for any women who died in the next five months. Okay, well, thank you, see you on Tuesday, bye bye. I'm sorry, what's happening, Tuesday? Everything's happening, Tuesday. Oh's happening to us everything I plan everything on Tuesday. Oh, got it. Yes. Yeah, that's a good day to do it all It's a good day. Yeah, then if you finish you're free for the rest of the week. I'm free for the rest of the week. Yeah, exactly Do you do do do do do stuff? I do stuff. Yeah, I do. Well, what kind of stuff do you do? I do the spot cast. What are you doing for the Christmas holidays? Oh, you know, I'm probably sticking around here

What is that? What is that? That's Bruba. You know, Bruba? Oh, you know, I'm probably sticking around here. What is that? What is that? What is that? What is that? What is that? You know, Breuba? Oh, Breuba, yeah, Breuba, dude. Breuba's not supposed to do a guess.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Yes. Hi, are you there? Yes.

Yes. Okay, Breuba, I have to ask you a question. Yes. Okay, can you please set my grants? Yes. Oh, wait a second, Breuba. Wait a second, can you please? Can I? Okay, Breuba is my grand. Oh wait a second, brooba wait a second. Can you please? Okay, you for brooba is my series. Yeah, yeah, I'd like you to set my grandmother's thermostat to 95 Okay, and I would like you to also turn on hysteria to the highest volume Excuse me, brooba go do thank you, and I want you to turn all the lights off in the house. Okay sure

Okay, great, and I want you now to play the song Lean Back by Fad Joe for the next six hours. Thank you, Bruva. Okay. Bruva. Yes. That's all happening in your house right there. That's my mother's house. That's your mother's house.

Yeah, I'm trying to scare the shit out of everyone in my family. Why not? It's a good boy. It's I'm curious to see what happens. That's why I'm also raising my child as a cat. Oh, you are, right? Yeah, it's why not. I've heard about this, Little Boxes in school. Little. Oh, you are, right? Yeah, it's why not.

I've heard about this, Little Boxes in school. Little Boxes in school, yes. You know, it's real, it happens. Fish on the floor. Yes, everything. Fountains in the room. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, they love running water.

Cats don't they, they love it. They love it. Do you like running water? I love running water. Like where? I love it everywhere I can get it. Do you ever throw paper towels in the toilet and just hold down the flush? Sometimes. Yeah, okay, that's what I can get it. Do you have a throat paper towels in the toilet and just hold down the flush?

Sometimes. Yeah. Okay, that's what I do. Yeah. Alright, fuck you for judging me. Hold on a second. Hold on a second, hips. Hold on a second, hips.

Yes, I'm getting another call from the toilet town. Toiletown. Toiletown, hello, is this toilet town? Yes, I need gifts for my 13 children, please. You ready to stand? Okay, here it goes. I need a big toe for little moat. I need a new bobby for rude muddy. I need a big toe for little mo. I need a new bobby for rude moody.

I need a plastic ass for Kyle gas. I need a hot fruit to make me toot. I need a gurney for Miley, a ferbife riley, and a stogie for Moroni. And a moody um for diarrhea coming out of my fat bum. Okay, and I need a Tylenol PM for MP. See you tonight directly into the moon. Bye bye.

Okay, so that was sorry. That was toy town. That was toy tall yes wow and so you're the father of cowgain I'm the fuck you know he's been on the show before oh which tenacious deal you talking about the one with Jack black yeah that one no that's not him oh different cow yes he's in different tenacious deal different tenacious deal is with Mike white oh not Jack black got it you see yeah white and black yes white black anyway how you doing I'm doing good you don't

need to talk to you about tips and tricks for the holiday. Oh, I had no idea you had a segment. Yes, I have a segment. Okay, netbellinella is tips and tricks for the holiday. It's about organization. Okay. Right. So the first thing you want to do is get organized. Sure. Okay. Hold on. Jesus Christ. Someone else calling you to. It's the Westfield Mall. Oh, oh. Yes, I'm'm gonna be a Santa this summer. Hello. Yes summer not summer this winter. Yes, hi Yes, okay. Yes. Hi, Ousey. Yeah, well, I do a traditional Santa. That's right. I got the long black socks Mm-hmm and the beard down to my chin. What do you mean? That's not a big beard? Okay. I got two gold hoop earrings and a backwards hat made a strong Yeah, no, no, no, they'll be blood on my back.

Yeah, they'll be blood on my back. Yes, okay, I'll meet you behind a garbage heap at the JC Penning. 2am, yes, got it, don't scare the kids. Okay, but scream at the pair, gotcha. Okay, sorry about that. Okay, no problem, yes, you're doing that for the holiday. I'm doing that, yes, I got a mall Santa job, I had nothing else to do. Okay, yeah, I was worried there would be no blood on me.

Yes, well, you know you have to have blood in your back of this job. Right. Yes, and how do you how do you usually get blood on your back? I I don't have a technique for you. You don't have a technique. Yeah. How do you do it? Oh, I just tip my back in a big trench A blood a blood. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. That's a way I would do it. Oh so much coming. Oh, no. Oh shit It's a guy with glasses. Oh, no. Are you scared of glasses? I am I'm terrified. You're fear. Yes No, it's it's a really bad fear and then yeah hold on a second. Oh someone else. Oh, it's my instrument nurse Oh, what is an instrument nurse? It's someone who fixes well, she has two different Yeah, two different rings. I know that's two different phone calls. I have a a burner phone, too Oh, yes, hi. Yes, hi. I need my tuba unclogged.

Yes. Yes. The tuba for the picture too. Yes, well, I'm trying to blow through it, uh-huh. And the noise is really low. It sounds like a six, eight, or not. Yes, exactly. What do you mean, what did I put in it? Well, how long do you have? Well, I put a few rags.

I stuffed it with rags in mud and a ton of glue. Yes, and then I banged down on it with a hammer as hard as I could. Why? Well, I was curious. No, I don't want to buy a new one. My ex-wife gave it to me. Yes, I am single. Today, sure, I'll fuck you.

Oh, yeah, that went quick, right? That's how it usually goes with me. Ended well, too. Yes, I'm too busy to fuck usually. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Yeah, do you get your fucking in and over the holiday? You try to. You have to. You like to. Yes. It's intimate time. No, it's an intimate time, but it's a busy time. Yeah, that's right. That's how why I've, uh, weild my, uh, uh, ejaculation time down to about five

seconds. You can do it in five seconds. Yeah. And three of those are the ejaculation. Oh, okay. One of the other two of them is talking dirty And then moaning. Oh, okay talking dirty for one second We've had it. That's how quick I get it. Wow incredible. How are you doing? Don't worry about me. Okay, interested in you. This is the most amount of eye contact that ever seen Scott made I am just holding on to the Exemic here by the way, I'm busy Tuesday That's what you're thinking about. That's what I was. Yes. Oh my God. Hold on a second. What's going on? It's my patient. Oh, no. Oh was actually, well, it's a big GoPro, honey. You swallowed one last week. Well, next time tell me so I don't tell your daughters that you're dead.

Yes. Okay. Well, and by the way, why did you swallow the GoPro? Right, because you wanted to see what it was like as food going down the tube. Yeah, that makes sense. No, I get it. Hold on a second. That's my Honda. I'm not from now. Okay, let's check my Wife. Check on that. She's there.

She's still there. I thought you were just checking on the Honda. No, well I am. I am, but there is a camera. A ring camera. I touched the side of the car so I can check my Wife. Got it. Yes.

Okay. That must be all that's going on with you though, right? No, obviously not. Why, what else has happened to you in the happening? I have a hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred They're all happening at the same time. I told you I celebrate Hanukkah too. That's right. Yes, well hold on. I'm planning the Hanukkah parade. Oh, what do you got? Yes, hello. Hi, okay, well listen. I really wanted to plan this Hanukkah parade, but there's slim pickings out there, okay?

Okay, so here's what I got. I got the Jewish brothers. They're just like the Jonas brothers, but they're all weak and sick. I got a Prostrami float with Red Prostrami on it. I got the mayor of Long Island coming. Yes. Uh-huh. And then I have. I got the mayor of Long Island coming. Yes. Uh-huh. And then I have some guy named Dittleshittle coming. I don't know what the fuck that means. I'm so sorry.

Uh-huh. And I got Los Angeles bars causing Suki Bar. Yes, she's very violent. And I've got a wet broken shofar in the bag. That's okay. Yes, and I got Polish, no, sure. He's going to be. He's going to be snore.

Yeah, he'll be sneezing there. Yes. Uh-huh. And I somehow got Paul Simon, who's gonna be snore. Yeah, he'll be sneezing there. Yes And I somehow got Paul Simon who's agreed to kiss a dead white fish. Okay, see you Tuesday Bye-bye. Okay, you're gonna fit that that person into Yes, yes, this is a two polyamorous situation with who me you and me. Well, no, no, no You're too busy to fuck me. I always feel like you're flirting with me. No, I don't think so. Okay, okay But I'm glad that you have all that taken care of. Yes, yes, no. Yeah, everything down pat, everything's down pat.

Yes, I have everything taken care of. Everything is, I actually got a new assistant. You did, wait, I thought that Bruba was yours. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I And he's like chat GPT is an advanced. Oh, okay, can you hear from ski? Yeah, ski be go wow. That's about it. That's all it does. That's all it does right now. Just say ski be go wow.

Just that's the extent of it ski be go wow. Uh huh. So how would that come in the handy? Well, I don't know yet. I haven't been in a situation. Okay. Well actually, you know what you could do? What's that?

Well, say something amazing. Say something amazing. Wow. Such a weird feeling. A scathing indictment. Unbelievable. What's that? Say something amazing. Um, uh, uh, uh, say something amazing. Wow. Such a weird feeling. A sce-a-thing indictment. Unbelievable.

Say something amazing. Whoever says something amazing. Just say something, Christ, my Lord. Say something boring. Christ was a born on this very day. Ski-dee. Wow. There we go.

There we go. There we go. Really? Really? Yeah. Ruba, yes. am I bigger than five foot one? Yes, thank you. Okay Anyway, so Hold on a second one more cold one more. I saw it vibrating before I you see I'm an intimacy coordinate. Oh, you're all real

Yes, yes, hello. Well, you have to get consent from the horse. Yes. No, you have to I don't know put a pen in its mouth Yes, what do you mean? It's not valid then dip its hoof in ink and put it on a piece of paper and what's the horse's mom saying well then give her an apple and shabby shut the fuck up sorry about that yes that one was worth it that's absolutely they're all worth it they're all say hey look it's your life everything is worth it when it's your life it is yeah that's right yeah the by the way, the pig shit twins got very excited hearing about hoofs. Yes, and two.

Are you guys into hoofs? Oh, ring, ring, ring, ring. We are calling you now. Hello. Hello. Hello. Yes, hi, hi. I got a pig shit twins.

It's pig shit twins. How could that help me? What would you like? How are you? Only shit. How are you? You called to to to smooth? Yeah, you seem like you? You called the schmooze? Yeah, you seem like you're busy, so we wanted a chicken TV.

Who's Dittleschittle? I wish I knew. Dittleschittle is a short little man with corn be for hair. Oh, so you said it. You said it with Pete and Jean-Barrie. Yeah, I do. I do. Because Dittleschittle is a part of our folklore.

Is he? Wow our We eat his hair Can I tell you a secret about dental shit? Yes his breath smells like pico Anyways, that's got yeah, I'm here all day. We're here all day. I'm personally the shows gonna answer Oh, okay. Yeah, we only have time for one day. Well, I put, I, I, I, I, I, you know, I, I, I set aside some time. You're mining something. I said, I, I, no one can see me. I said aside this. You said aside this.

Yeah, I said aside this. Yeah. So anyway, I'm here. Yeah. Well, we only have time for one last guest. Uh, there's a person that I didn't realize I didn't see. See, I don't know who they are, but please introduce yourself, sir. Yes.

How are you doing? Uh, before I start saying anything, how, how long would you like me to talk? Five minutes. Five minutes, quick. I am a devil. I am from hell and I'm here for human souls. Got it. What's that?

Got it. Not the devil. Not the devil, I'm lower down. Got it. My name is Harvey. Who did we have last year? Weinstein. Oh, man. I think I might just say. Put away your pants. Who did we have last year? What's that? Weinstein. Oh man.

I think I might just say. Put away your answer. Are you Harvey Weinstein? Not Harvey Weinstein. No, I'm not Harvey Weinstein. Oh, I think you're the people. I am happy to have the name Harvey, but I'm not Harvey. Last year, I wasn't here.

There was somebody named the anniversary man. It was a mythical creature. Right, right. I'm not mythical. I'm quite real. I'm a devil from hell here to get human souls, named Harvey, not Harvey Weinstein. What's your favorite movie you produced?

I haven't produced any movies. That's a, listen, I've done nothing. That man is an deplorable man and I have nothing to do with it. Do you remember partying with me back in the 90s? No, no. I wasn't partying with anybody in the 90s. I exist in the shadows. I come out to tempt to tempt men to sell their souls.

Okay, whose soul do you want to buy? Anybody, I'm looking at yours. Anyone around here? Anybody around here? I got to get a quota. I got to get two for the year. I have not met you. You only need two more.

Two more for the year. Wow. I mean, it's like, yeah. I'm basically just having to remember. You're really procrastinating. What happened was I got to stay at a sandals resort And I lost track of time. You've ever been to a sandals never it's a great got time call it sandals because you wear sandals when you're there You can wear sandals. Yes, it's just it's a it's a medicine for how relaxed you like other places aren't named after the things you're wearing

Look at like a flip flop resort I'm not this ball. You don't got to like a flip flop resort or anything. I'm not a ball. Mark this with the hallmark card, baby. This is good. Picture twins, you guys have souls? Because you only need two. We have hooves. We don't have souls. You have souls?

I'll take hooves, yes. Oh, James Simpson, you probably already sold yours. To whom? I don't know, but. I was going to ask, you were state of the sandals, but have you ever stayed at a hedonism do? What no, I have why they had to make a sequel I Haven't stayed there. No, no, I've stayed in the sandals. I lost track of time. I just woke up yesterday. Okay I need two more. I need two more souls. Yes show. Hey, Otoni

You probably already sold your soul to get all that money. No, I just played basketball well baseball You didn't even know the sport cut that out. Yeah Sorry, we're out of our post budget for the year cut that out your baseball player I'd love to have your soul that would be great. I can fulfill your wildest dreams What is something you haven't done yet that you wish you you could do well? Let's see I just made $700 million today. So unless you can pay more than that, I'm going to keep my own. I got a limited budget. I can get you $5,000 in cash by the end of tomorrow. And I could get you, I could get, I could pay you a college credit

at, at Santa Barbara Community College. What are you doing? You can give college credit enough for community college. Yeah. I have a You can give college credit for community college? Yeah, yeah. I have a deal with Santa Barbara. I got the soul of a dean there and so part of that dean does hell. Yeah. I knew it. The wick giddly talented. She is a dean at Santa Barbara community college in addition to her more famous career. Yeah, and I got her soul. And so, well, what about her? What about Dr. Marty Goldstein? You're lonely. Well, yeah, not lonely. I just want my living dead girl to marry me. But I had some of my soul. I'd always wanted to be a really good guitar player. Well, I could do it. I could do it. I can make you a, I can make you, let me see here.

Okay, I got it. Okay. I can make you a really reliable rhythm guitarist. Like showing up for appointments reliable. Yeah, I can make you show really reliable rhythm guitarist like showing up for appointments reliable Like a show of time. I can make it that you show up on time I was popular about me is not my skill but my reliability the rep the rep you would have in the industry would be real So he's not talented, but he'll come to the game. I wouldn't say you're not talented I mean you're you're servicible. Is there would be able to do sessions like a session guitarist maybe live in a session rhythm guitarist As soon as somebody Okay, he's not ladies not so low he is just show up on time and you're not going to cause

any problems, you know, you mean you're a really good guitar. Huh? What kind of guitar? Fender strata caster maybe yeah, I get a Fender stratacaster. I mean, the kind that's made So you don't even have a guitar. He needs to provide it. Uh, this yeah, I mean, I don't have any of the equipment. I get you. Good. All right. Would people know my name would I be on the album? Uh, you'd be on the album. I don't think they'd know you're...

If they were a real nutcase. Fuck you, the devil. All right, that's behind the devil. My name's Harvey. I wish I was the devil. Oh, yeah, that's right. I love the screen movies, and I wish you weren't associated with it. I'm not Harvey Weinstein. Oh, please. Put me in the movie, Mr. Weinstein.

Let me in your little piece, Starlit. I'm not Mr. not Harvey Weinstein. Please put me in a movie Mr. Weinstein I'm not Mr. Weinstein and I and but if you wanted to be a picky Starlet I and he wanted to give you a pig You call me a pig. It's just a little bit just say I'm repeating my sister I thought did you say The Pitches wins getting really pissed off Okay, all right. well, what about you? What about you, Bill and Elham?

What about me? Yeah, maybe you want to sell yourself? Oh, I mean, for more time. I? Sure, yeah, can I sell my shoulder for more time? Yes, yes, I can get you on this podcast. I'm so sorry. That's my snake milker.

Hold on a second. Let's go in, I'll buy this. Hello? Yes. Okay, so where do I squeeze it? Uh-huh, between the tonsils and the throat okay Right into a frying pan. Okay, the woman who needs to die is 63 That'll work. Okay. Thank you. Sorry about that. Not at all. I guess you would do this is why he needs more time

Yes, you're so busy. I'll get you taking all your calls right into the microphone I am just out loud. Well, that's what I do. Fuck you. Fuck you up and we don't like anything he's talking about. I'm getting told, fuck off by everybody here. I don't think I've said it socially unacceptable thing. I'll get you an extra hour a day. Okay, that sounds amazing. I'll get you an extra hour on your day so you can get that done. What do I have to give you?

My, your soul. Okay, okay. What does that mean? What does that entail? I mean, you sign a contract and you live out your mortal days and when you die, you go to hell. And then I oversee you. Okay. You work for me down in hell. And you're not Harvey Weinstein, you're so I'm not

Harvey Weinstein. Are you making movies? We are pretending to be hard-hiding. I don't know what that you're talking about. I feel like you're describing the plot of Goodwill hunting right now. Yeah. Love that movie. Why are you wearing a mirror mixture? I'm a fan of the brand. Well, it's also Miriam and Max named after your parents. Yeah, that's yeah, it's not my parents. You said yeah, no, but I'm agreeing that it is named after Harvey Weinstein's parents. Look, I love I love 90s Miramax films. Hey, Bruce and a man.

Hey, brova. Hey, brova. Hello. Yes, hey, brova is Wil Heinz Harvey Weinstein? Yes. Okay. I'm sorry. Brova knows it.

Yeah. Well, I guess I don't know how to, I guess I don't have to worry about that. If this will Heinz character is Harvey Weinstein. Will Heinz is akin to Harvey Weinstein. I don't think that's something we need in a reproducible form. I think that is the takeaway. I do take away from this Christmas. Yeah. Okay. I feel like Scooby says the same thing of course Scooby go wild. Scooby go wild. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Well, I guess I'm striking out here But obviously my card if anybody wants to sell their soul, they're so late. The cards is will be currency That's not the right card. Sorry this card. Why would you add that card? I just I just It's not the right card. Why do you have it? It was a misprint

It was a mix it was A misprint from the print. Don't even get the card if you hate it. Well, don't carry it around, certainly. I don't like to waste. As you were frantically driving over here as Harvey, were you like, I'm only going so they can yell at me, derail me, and make me have to answer for me. I mean, I even forgot to email you.

I just wanted to be on part of the show, and now I'm realizing it could be a huge mistake for my career and personal life. Yeah. And I'm glad I rushed over to have it. Well, I have to say, you are charming. You're charming and endearing. Hey, that's sweet.

Yes, that's sweet. You're a sweet man. Yes, for a serious... No, no, no. Very charming. That's not true. That's not true. Guys, we are running out of time.

I'm so sorry, Harvey. Sorry I didn't email you and I'm sorry that I, you know, we had such a little time to deal with you but we are that we do have time to deserve. I think so. We do have time for one final feature. That is of course a little something called plus, not big shit plugs dreams we deployed I wish it's for something more productive Santa I've been a good boy Oh, I've been a bad boy

Santa grabbed that toy bag Oh, grab that knife back Center, dump out those toys Make it a plug back Oh, oh, dump out those knives Make it a plug bag. I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain.

Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain.

Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain. Oh, I am slain the guys, what are we plugging? Jason, what do you have to plug here? I'll plug Percy Jackson, the series on Disney Plus.

Why not? Why not? And then how did this get made? If you are living in the UK, how did this get made? The end of March, early April coming to, you're going out there. We're going to London. We're going to Scotland. We're going to Ireland.

You're going to Ireland? This place is really? Yeah, baby. Yeah, I'd love to go I go to have this get me I don't know dot com I guess and check out that I'm sure that's how you can find Yeah, you'll get there. There's a feed you can figure it out all right great. Let's see So high O'Honey what do you want? Joey? Joey? I'd like to plug the Dodgers. Oh great. Yeah, why not? It will be starting up real soon. Yeah, also check out In the know on peacock when that comes out in the know on peacock. Okay. I don't know if I'm allowed to say you're not in the know about that I'm not even know about it, but I yeah, yeah, it'll be out soon

I love it. Yeah, just so just turn on peacock and let it play. Let it play so I can get the money. That's right. All right, pick your twins. What do you want to plug? I just want to plug my brother's mouth off of a chocolate. That's all, Scott. That's it. That's it.

Really? You have nothing to plug? Plug the mouth full of chocolate and go to bigradaywebsite.com and buy everything. Yay. And how about you, Dr. Marty? What do you want to play? Hello? Hello?

What's going on? Hello, is this Scott Archermann's house? Yeah, hi. Brad Garrett. Brad. Sorry, I was told to come here and talk to somebody. Brad Garrett. Horrible.

He left. He was on the phone. He was on the phone. Yeah, he's on the phone anyway. I was told I was an award waiting for me Yeah, he wanted to give you an award, but he's an Ireland. He won. Yeah, he wants to put you in the Guinness Book of World Records Oh, do I not get it if I don't see him? I'm certain you can he is obsessed I give my info. Well, I'd love to what is your info?

Brad dot Garrett for okay, everybody hates Raymond This is embarrassing to have to say this on Mike You're on Mike right now. Welcome to the bread Mike you just in case Look under your shirt. Yeah, there's a lot right there Yeah, yeah, we have sound covered but I was talking a lot of shit on my chair before this. You got it all. It's all recorded.

It's got everything. He's again, he'll release the piss tapes. Don't worry about it. Yeah, exactly. You give him a second. He'll release the service. Yeah. Ned Bellanello, what do you want to-

You fucked him, he's gone. Oh, of course. I always want to plug the- Oh, what's going on? Hold on, that's- I don't know, my mother's caretaker Elsa. Hold on, he's taking it. Yes, hello? Uh-huh. Well, she's got to be on her back Elsa. Oh, hold on, is that okay? Yes, hello?

Uh-huh. Well, she's got to be on her back. Yes, legs in the air underwear off. That's how the pill goes in, sweetie. What do you mean she has an owl? We'll get the owl away from her. Elsa? Elsa, you fuck.

Okay, sorry, Elsa's gone. She was still talking, I could hear her. You were talking? Yeah, she's going, me, me, me, me, me. No, that was my iPad, actually. Oh? Yeah, she's going, me me me me me me me me in and they get hot and you have to be near an outlet. Great. Anyway, good to meet you. Harvey Weinstein? Harvey Weinstein, what do you want to plug?

I'm Harvey Weinstein, Harvey the Devil. It's what a plug if anybody wants a solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar solar I guess I'll plug a couple movies, Pulp Fiction, Shakespeare Love, Trying Game, just recommendations, and we'll ally it to musical. I don't know, just a lot of movie movies. These are the things that I happen to like. They're all a clay movies. It's not weird to like any of those movies. All right, well, I want to plug. Hey, everyone can still vote for the best of's.

There's still one week left. We're going to do those next year. So head over to CBBWorld.com slash vote. Get your votes in before the deadline. And while you're there, you can hear all great shows like Hey Randy and Scott hasn't seen. And Walton on Walton, or what's the other one? The...

E-Pray Dunk. E-Pray Dunk, yes, of course. How can I forget? I referenced it already this episode. In this three hour episode. So head over there and get all that. If you sign up for a year, you get two months free. All right, let's close up the old plug. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh yeah, beautiful. That's the last time we ever have to hear that song by the way. But look at that. Oh, yeah, beautiful. That's the last time we ever have to hear that song, by the way. That was Bubble Butts in my plug bag by Secret Space Man. Amazing. Thank you so much. And we'll have a new plug back Closium theme for the new year.

Guys, I want to thank you so much, Jason. Always a pleasure to have you. Thanks for having me. I know you had to leave 30 minutes ago. I know, I stayed and I'm so good. I still have you and So high or so show hey, Otoni. I'm gonna be watching you buddy. I'm gonna be watching you swing that big long stick at that white white ball Jesus Christ. Go need you. What go need you? Well, I and never heard baseball described that's right and Dr. Marty always great to see you always a pleasure always a pleasure always Brad Garrett so sorry that would that Fred was on the phone

But head over there to Ireland he wants to give you the award. I'm on my way. Okay, and Of course Bill Walton. Yeah Bill Walton of course Bill Walton. Yeah In the corner the entire time it's been a pleasure to see some of the comedy greats rules You're just a fan. You're just a fan. You love it. I want a fan. What a mighty good fan. That's right picture twins Yes, goodbye finally it's appropriate to say goodbye That's right and hard winestein Have a bee onks me skull. That's right and heart and wine style Just Harvey. Thank you. Just Harvey. Scott. What about me? Yeah, that's right. Oh Jake lost

Go need you. Well and that bell and Ella I'll see you later. I'm not Your hundred Moving I have to go. Oh, no, what's going on? I don't know, but I have to take care of her Why did you wink at me when you said? Because you know what I'm saying. I parked up at that one. Yeah, okay. Okay, I need your help.

That's also a line from a whole fiction, not that I've watched it or made it. Yeah, okay, do you, do you want to take this glove that I've been spanking the picture twins with? Oh, Jake. Oh, Jake. It's so hard to eat.

Are you just on TikTok? Yeah. Yeah. All right, we'll see you next time. Next time.