Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - I Think We Ate The Dogs (Greg Hess, Angela Giarratana, Jim Woods)

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

Caffeine girly Chloe Carr, impressionist Jake Gargello, and lightly British Arctic explorer Captain Elwes Davies join Scott for a roundtable discussion of the most pressing topics of our time! We address Hootie misattributions, scintillating table talk, ferris wheel physics, and peccadillos. Will the issues be solved? Yes, but actually no. That’s the Comedy Bang! Bang! promise. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sparamma. Comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. Spare me the sob story and just tell me your favorite Beanie, Beanie Bainty Bambi baby. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang Bang, Comedy Bang, Comedy Banc Spare me the sob story and just tell me your favorite Beanie Baby. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Grandma Soap for Brains for that catchphrase submission. Thank you to Grandma Soap for brains. For that catchphrase submission. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And if you've heard an episode of Comedy Bang Bang and you're back, I appreciate it. I'm surprised, but I appreciate it. But this one's going to be a little bit different than probably the last few and even the next few. Who knows? Because, you know, every once in a while on Comedy Bang Bang, we like to have what we call our A-block guest. And that's usually, although it's becoming more and more of a rarity, a celebrity. We love it when they're movie stars. We like it when they're TV stars.

We accept it when they have a book. and we begrudgingly shrug and say okay when they're fellow podcasters. But this week we're doing something a little bit different because this week we're doing something that we like to call the CBB Roundtable. That's right. The table in front of us is round,

but our focus is squarely on the issues. We're going to be talking about the issues of the day here on Comedy Bang Bang. Look, to be honest, you turn on the news these days and it's like, you're looking at things going like, wait a minute, that went a little further than I expected it to,

but then wait, the reaction to it is even further than that. It can be confusing. We're going to try to hash this out, try to figure out what's going on with what's happening. And we have an esteemed round table of guests. When we say the table is round, could they fit at a square table?

Sure, because there's three guests and me. That would work. But instead, the laborious process of coming in here and replacing the table and getting the workmen in here and sawing the rectangular table down and using it for kindling and firewood. It takes a long time, but it's worth it because right now I feel we're all equidistant from each other. And there aren't those harsh angles. And that's what we're looking at these days is the harsh angles of what is happening. What's our angle on this issue? What's our angle on this issue?

It can be harsh, can't it? But instead, we have an esteemed panel of guests to sit around our roundtable. Let's get to them right now. There's three of them. They are a local advocate, a citizen, I believe. Although, that's not to say that we don't like non-citizens. I'm not taking a stand on that issue. We'll hash it out, maybe, in the CBV roundtable.

But I didn't mean to choose that word, that loaded, loaded term. But you are a citizen of the world, are you not? No, totally. I would say though, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And perhaps of the United States of America? 100%. I'm a citizen.

You're a citizen. All right. Naturalized, born here with... Natural, what? Let's not talk about naturals or anything like that on the CBB round table. We need to stop thinking right below the surface and just think, use our brains. They are a local advocate. Please welcome to the show, Chloe Carr.

What's up, Scott? Thank you so much for having me. It's so good to see you guys. So good to see you. So nice to meet you. Yeah. Nice to meet you. Do you live in the Los Angeles area? I do. I do. Okay. Great. I do.

So excited to be here today. I've never done a podcast where I didn't eat the entire day. Where, uh, meaning you on, on other podcasts that you're on, you eat the entire time? Yeah. I feel like I've, no, no, I feel like I've just like, um, maybe taking care of myself better sometimes when I go on, uh, have personal, uh, little public appearances. Oh, I see. So you, meaning you haven't eaten today. Is that what you're trying to say? Yeah. Yeah. Ah, I see. And you've never, you've done a lot of podcasts. Yeah. I love personality stuff. I love talking. Oh, great. Yeah. And I think sometimes I think like, what can I say, Scott? I'm a caffeine girlie. I wake up caffeine, caffeine, caffeine in the afternoon. I just love it. I love it. And you love caffeine. You love a drinks with caffeine in them? Yes. I love an energy drink. I love Celsius. Yes. Have you had one? I haven't. Is that that's a brand of drink? Or, oh, okay, got it. Yes. Yeah. Okay. But anyway, just so excited to be here because I just feel,

And you have had caffeine today? Or this is you without caffeine? No, I've had so much caffeine today. Okay, but you haven't eaten anything. I'm going to listen better. I'm sorry, what? You have not eaten anything. No.

Currently. You've just had, how many caffeine drinks have you had at this point? I've had, so I started my day with three quad shots. What are quads? Quad shots. Four shots? Three of them. Okay.

So 12 shots of espresso? Yeah. But I had a glass of water in between. In between each? The quad shot. No, the quad shot as a total. So you had one, the first quad shot, then I'd drink a water. water.

Sip of water. Oh, just a sip. Yeah. Drink sip. Just the sip. Oh, you mean a drink. No, I had a sip. You had a sip.

Okay. And why so little water? I don't like the taste. Do you find out diarrhea? Okay. Because when one is dehydrated, that's when one usually comes down with the affliction note is diarrhea. You know, when you're sliding into first and you feel a great big burst?

sliding into first Who slides into first? Who slides into first? What is that? It's not football. I have seen a few people in some crazy plays in Major League Baseball. They slide into first.

The ball's coming right at them. I don't know. Yeah, and they're sliding into first. Yeah. When you're sliding into second and you're smelling something feckoned? And sliding into third? Third is the great big turd.

And then home is the foam, of course. Ew! Ew! The foam, of course. Of course? As the song goes. I don't know. I didn't write it.

Who am I? I'm trying to think of a lyricist. Ira Gershwin? There you go. I just wanted to say Ira Glass for so long. Anyway, thank you so much for having me here. It's my pleasure. I'm glad you don't have diary, although we did not hear the answer as to whether you did or not.

Let me get to the end of the pod. Okay. You promised me that at the end of the pod. You can tell me if you have diarrhea or not. I'll promise you to be honest with you if I have any of that. Okay. If you have it, you'll be honest. And if you don't, you won't be honest.

So if you don't, you're going to lie and say you do have diarrhea. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. And if you have it, you're going to tell the truth and say you have diarrhea. Just say you have diarrhea now. I lie. No.

I'm wait until you get to the end. Okay. Okay, sure. We'll see what happens at the end. It's great to have you, Chloe. So good to be here. Is that car with two R's or is it one R like the automobile? Two R's.

No, not like the automobile. Two R's. Although, have you driven an automobile? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Drove one here. Beep, beep. That's the sound they make.

Yeah. When you're trying to caution another driver. Yeah. They may be ramming into a pole or something. I'm a big fan of the soft beep. Like that I'm here. Hello. I'm there.

Like you see someone doing like a little bit of a blinker or something like that. I'm there. I'm here. You're fucking up. You're not turning. Or not you're not fucking fucking up. I'll hit on the horn heart. I'll horn.

Oh, really? Just someone not driving to your qualifications. Or someone's being, yeah, someone's being slow. Someone's not sitting on a, sitting on a green. A horn. But it's a little bit like a, I'm in your blind spot. Hey. Hey.

You'll do it when you're in someone's blind spot. That must happen constantly. I have to let people. You're just beeping constantly whenever you pass them. I legitimately, if I'm in a, if I'm in someone's blind spot, I go, Just when you're on the highway And you and you just pass someone Not on the highway, no

Not on the highway This is purely a surface streets On the highway I'm listening to music and singing But not on surface streets On residential streets On residential streets and listen to podcasts. Okay. Great to have you.

Thanks having. Two hours. Let's get to our next guest Here at the round table. This is exciting. We don't have a lot of comedians on the show. We have an impressionist Although, you know, to be honest, I don't know whether your impressions are comedic in nature, but we'll find that out.

Please welcome Jake Gargillo. Am I pronouncing that correctly? Gargello. Gargello. Yeah. Okay. Jake Gargello. Jake Gargello?

Yeah. Okay. Jake Gargello. Jake Gargello. Jake Garglo. So nice to meet you. Yeah. So great to be here, Scott.

Jake Gargello. I, um, yeah, these are not comedic impressions at all. They're not. No, no, no. Because I love, I love, like, what's a guy's name, Frank Caliando or, or portion. Either one of them, they did impressions. Yeah, like John Madden. Yeah, yeah, you didn't do so many impressions as much as he called football games, but I do.

No, no, just, but I do love an impressionist is what I'm saying, and usually when I hear someone, the result of hearing someone accurately impersonate someone is I laugh at it. But you're saying that's not the intended effect for you. No. I'm, I'm, my business is around like the Halloween, uh, seasons and stuff because I do scary impressions. Scary impressions. I do scary impressions. For like haunted houses or something or?

I mean, it could be, but none of these people are considered. I'm the first person to ever suggest this. Yeah, well, you do scary impressions. I can't be the first person to ever say like, hey, would you come do my haunted house? No, they do. But I just let them know. I don't do like impressions of like, of, um, of, uh, movies. monsters. Like, who are we talking about when we talk about movie monsters? Like,

Frankenstein. A monster. What about monster? What was her name? Charlize Theron. Oh, she, yes, but that is someone that I would do. I do serial killers. Oh, I see. You do real life. I do real life serial killers. And Charlize Theron is a serial killer? Not, I mean, she plays the role of that lady who is a monster. Oh, what was her name, Eileen? Yeah. Ireglass. Iroglast to who our knowledge is not a serial killer. Right. Right. Right. So although in the movie Glass, I believe Sam Jackson played someone who had killed more than one person, which to my mind makes them a serial killer. So I could do an impression of...

Sam Jackson? No, no. But Sam Jackson. I can't. I can't. Oh, no, no, no. No, please, Chloe. Sam Jackson as Mr. Glass, that I could do.

I could do Mr. Glass, but not Sam Jackson. Okay, got it. So who do you do? I mean, all the hits. Dahmer Bundy Gacy Richard Ramirez

Lector I could do Lector Again I'm not doing Anthony Hopkins I'm not You're doing the real Lector Hannibal Lecter Exactly Okay got it

So and But I put in the work So I know who these people are Does anyone Anyone know who these people sound like I mean I'm trying to think If I've ever even seen tape on Like Jeffrey Dahmer

I've put in the word. When you say that, what do you mean? I mean, as in, like, I have studied, I have studied these people. Where do you find tape of these people, or are you going to prisons and interviewing them? No, no, no, it's mostly, like, reading up on them, watching documentaries and stuff. So, like... To figure out what they sound like, you need to read up on them? Do you want to be convinced right now?

I'll show you. Yeah, please, yeah. Show me, show me... Um, okay. Who, who's, who's like, my top seller is Dommer. Domer, really? He's my, like, that's the person I get picked for the most. Okay.

Um, all right. So this is my, uh, this is Jeffrey Dahmer, all right? Famous serial killer, out of Milwaukee. Um, and, um, you ready? Is that the extent of what you know about him? You said, out of Milwaukee and then you kind of, like, trailed off like you were about to say several other things, but, and you just stopped. Well, I'm saving it for the impression. really yeah he's gonna tell us about himself no no no oh okay all right excuse me waiter uh that

that i mean chloe that that seemed to shock you i don't know i was bracing for impact yeah i mean all he said was excuse me waiter i'm so sorry keep going excuse me waiter this menu sucks okay can i mean good good i mean yeah yeah great Great, great. There's no people on the menu. Oh. He eats people. He eats people.

And so there was no people on the menu. Does he get to that part? Because it seems like he would be sort of giving himself away. Well, I mean, I... Is that how he was caught? No. A restaurant manager said, hey, this guy just confessed to eating people. Or he, like, ordered people or something?

No, I mean, he did... That's not how he got caught, but I'm sure he did it all the time. I mean, why else was he going to restaurants at all, you know? I mean, I think he had to eat stuff other than people, or do you think he's excited on people for? I think once you get the taste, you know, that's all your order. Is this in your research? Because this is like a lot of speculation. This is in the research.

You know, I mean, it's the same way. It's a little bit of like, you know, putting the frog DNA in to finish out the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, you know? Okay, so it's speculative, but it's basically. on science. Yeah, but it's like A to B. Okay, got it. So, and, um, so people hire you to do Dahmer and you say, excuse me, this menu sucks. Um, well, I go, I show up at the parties or wherever it is that they want me to be. Are you dressed as Dahmer or do you, are you dressed?

Absolutely. Oh, okay. Absolutely. Because right now you're, you're not especially, I mean, I don't know, these guys. Well, if I actually wanted to do, uh, if I wanted to be one of the serial killers, or someone like Dahmer, what I, like, they give me the address. and then I start looking into it sometimes years in advance. So people need to book you years in advance. It depends on how well they want the impression, right?

Okay. Do people normally book people saying like, oh, you can do it shitty. I have a party next week. Come with your shittiest impression. They don't put it that way. They're like, well, we're in a crunch. And I go, okay. I don't know that.

Like, say I had a party in a month. I don't think I would be in a crunch if I was looking at. looking for entertainment. I think that's an appropriate time to go try to book people. And I agree, but it's just, you know, you're going to get the month's version of Jeffrey Dahmer. I don't think people expect it to be the month's version. I think they expect you to know your stuff before they book you. I don't start learning a month out.

Like, I already know what it takes to be Jeffrey Dahmer. So I'm saying Jeffrey Dahmer didn't decide in a month he wanted to eat people. Okay. So people can book you now for Jeffrey Dahmer and you're like, if I booked you tomorrow, you'd be good for it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah, it makes complete sense, Scott.

I don't understand. Yeah, but if I show up tomorrow, you're going to get this menu sucks. But you already know this stuff about Jeffrey Dahmer. But I'm not, I don't say that. Did you just start thinking about Jeffrey Dahmer today? No. I'm just telling you, it's like, you know when you go to a carpet store and you're looking through the samples? Yeah, yeah.

Sure. That's what just happened. You just looked through the carpet samples of Jeffrey Dahmer impression with this movie. Got it. I see. You're not prepared to do your entire. But if I booked you for a party tomorrow, I would get the carpet sample version? No, no, no, you got it just now.

If you booked me for tomorrow, you'd get things like, oh, no, thank you. I don't need to take any food home. My fridge is stuffed. You know? Chloe, that surprised you right there as well. Wow. You know, you'd get, you know, things along those. So if I were to book you tomorrow, I'm not saying that I'm going to, I'm not saying

I'm not going to. Yeah. I do have an elegant affair going on tomorrow here at the house. Just cocktails. hors d'oeuvres, you know, past hors d'oeuvres. So, and, you know, so I may be looking for someone. If I were to book you tomorrow, you would be prepared to do the full repertoire of Jeffrey Dahmer. Scott, you could book me for right after this interview.

I don't have anything going on right after you. That's your problem. You know what I mean? Usually I have dinner. I put my child to bed. I don't need you for that kind of stuff. Jeffrey Dahmer can put the kids to bed. I think, uh-uh, uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Sorry, family feud says, Top zero answers on the board. I don't think I need you. Okay, all right, all right. But tomorrow. For tomorrow, yes. Tomorrow, you know, you'll get things like nice day here in Milwaukee.

And do people know, do I have to tell everyone that there's a guy who's going to be impersonating Jeffrey Dahmer or people just going to be confused when you say things like nice day here in Milwaukee? I think people are going to be coming up to you saying, I think Jeffrey Dahmer is at your party. And he doesn't know what city he's in. I'll have my phone out, you know, and I'll be saying, I'll show him, you know. Show him what? What are you pointing? You're miming a phone right now.

I don't know what? You're going to show them what? Your area code? I'm going to show him the weather in Milwaukee. So I have a reference base. Have you ever been anywhere and someone says like, hey, by the way, we're in Canada right now. And then they show you the weather in Canada and you're convinced. That's your real killer behavior.

That's your... See? Thank you, Chloe. Okay. I don't know. I mean, you know, the sounds great. And we'll talk about... Again, that's just Bundy.

That's just... That's just... Domer. That was Dommar. I mean... Look, I... Was that Bundy? The whole time,

were you doing Bundy doing Dormer? No, no. I'm way more charming as Bundy. Okay. I don't know. I was on the... It was like a 50-50, a coin flip, whether I was going to hire you or not.

Now it's... I don't know at this point. But you have till the end of the end of the... show. We'll find out if you have diarrhea and we'll find out if I'm going to hire you. These are the two plot threads that they're hanging over comedy bang bang to keep you hooked until the end of the show. Let's get to our next guest. He's never been on the show either. So nice to have three people I've never met before here. He is an Arctic explorer. Please welcome Captain Elvis Davies. Good afternoon, Scott. Good afternoon. So wonderful to meet you, sir.

Wonderful to meet you. Do I need to salute or I'm not enlisted. I'm not enlisted. or in any kind of armed services? Well, Scott, I did receive my captain's commission at one point, but no, no salute necessary. All we need to do is celebrate that we're here, that we're alive, that we've all made it. But you did receive your captain's commission at one time? I did receive my captain's commission at one point. As you can see, I am no longer in uniform. I have retired from exploring.

Oh, what is it you're wearing, then? Because this is unusual. Yes, this is unusual. this is a garment of my own creation or are you a I don't know what to call a seamstress but who's a male a seamster? A tailor, Scott.

Yes, that is the cut. Why is it so different? Why do we need to gender it in the first place? Larry Retweet! Thank you, Chloe. Love the backup. Well, I haven't really had much time around the fairer sex, Scott.

As I told you before I came in here, I have spent most say that though it was the first thing you mentioned yes i walked in and i said my hand i don't know and i i was confused well your hands were very soft and i said my my my my i haven't had a hand like this in my hand for quite some time because as you know i've spent most my time at sea right so when a when a soft sailor hand is put in in your hand and it reminds you of the fairer sex you must remark upon it okay and you think i have soft sailors you have you have you have a soft hands for a sailor Oh, I see. So I have hard hands for a normal human being.

Hard hands for, as we would call it, a civi and very soft hands for a sailor. Okay, great. So, I mean, I guess everyone in, everyone who's a sailor has the hardest hands possible. As it were, yes, Scott. Okay. And you're an Arctic explorer. Yes, Scott. I'm an Arctic explorer. You sailed around, I guess, in the north? The north, yes, Scott. What are you looking for? What is your purpose? Why do you do it?

let's see. I've brought my ship's log here, if you'd like me to read from it. I can tell you a little bit about... Chloe is very excited about this. I love this. Okay, yeah, I mean, could you read a little bit from your ship's log? May 10, Southampton, we depart early in the morning. Why don't put the year?

Like, this could be anytime, you know? Like, I would... I didn't really want to place it, Scott. When you're at sea, there's only the sea time. Then why bother with the May 10? Why bother with land time when there's only sea time? All right. Sorry to interrupt. May 10, Southampton, we depart.

The winds blowing warm out of the southwest three knots, millibars dropping slowly but calmly. I looked out upon the second aft deck off the port side. Two half decks. This is a big shit. Large ship, Scott, 12 masts. Oh, Her Majesty's. How many have sails?

Of the masts? Yeah. Do you really want me to go through it? So the first four have three, the second two have two, the back one has six, and then there's two on the front, two on the back. And one secret one. A secret mast? Yes. That we only hoist at the holidays.

All holidays, like federal holidays? Oh, mercantile holidays, Scott. Okay, so Juneteenth? Yeah. I would hope so. always Scott always is this the end

why are you pausing so long Scott I'm getting to the part that's going to be quite difficult for me so I know you're flipping through your book you need to find your place again May 11 Southampton we depart we're traveling north it is then that we notice the larders are slowly going bare and it is then Scott

you departed on May 11 and your larders are already bare Did you not stock up or anything? Scott, we had to eat the dogs. Oh, no. They're eating the dogs. They're eating the cats. I said I wouldn't get political on this, Scott, but we had to eat the dogs. Retweet.

Oh, my gosh. How many dogs did you bring along? We had brought 88 dogs, Scott, to go to the Arctic Expedition, and yes, we did have to eat it. Unfortunately, to pull the sleds so that we could get to Her Majesty's North Pole, Scott. 88 dogs. Did you have 11 sleds or what? 88 dogs, eight dogs per sled. Yeah.

Why 11 sleds? How many people? How many in the crew? A man per dog. A man per dog. Really? So there's 11 people on each sled. These are, these must be like giant.

11 men, 86th Amberson style sleds. I think that they drove a sled and the men. Magnificent Amherstons. It's been a while since I watched it, but I seem to remember them on a school. Yes, yes. So, yes, we, it was unfortunate, Scott, we had to eat the dogs. Of course, then we discovered that we had looked in the wrong lauder, that in fact, we did have the provisions that we needed to get to the North Pole, but we did have to eat the dogs. Wow, this is a tough story. Yes. 13 June. Sailing had been calm.

What happened in that month? Just nothing of any note? The cooks had been making quite a mess in the mess. I went down to inspect and we realized that we had gotten quite low on provisions. It was then that I had to make the ultimate call, and that was to eat the dogs. There were dogs left over? Yes, Scott. We had made a stop for more dogs.

somewhere between the far reaches of the north and where we left in South Hampton in May. August 12. Oh, I'm sorry, there's more. All right. I literally don't know when he's done. August 12. Okay, another month.

No, this is a two-month break. Two-month break. We decided to stop in Bermuda. Enjoy the fine spring weather that can be found there. It was then, Scott, that we realized that in our last accounting of all the larders there was no food to be found

and it is there Scott that we that we burn the boats and ate the dogs while you were in Bermuda yes why not just go like eat something on the island there Bermuda in Bermuda Scott who would touch that food

have you ever had food from Bermuda have you ever been to a Bermuda I've never been there The Beach Boys sang about it. It sounded nice, but... It would be one thing if we were in Kokomo, Scott, but we wouldn't be eating in Bermuda. No.

No, we ate the dogs, and we burned the boats. You ate the dogs, burned the boats. Got it. October 1st. Okay. We have found ourselves still in Bermuda. So you've been hanging around Bermuda the whole time. You've eaten dogs your first night there.

Yes. And then you said you wouldn't eat any... A dog per man, Scott. 88 dogs. Cooked on the beach. The natives watching us from afar, their eyes sparkling. You say the natives? This is recently?

You just mean people who lived in Burmere. I never put the year, Scott. You have no idea what year this is. Okay, sure. We ate the dogs. More dogs. We found local dogs. Those dogs were, yes, as it were, Scott,

they helped us hang on to life ever so slightly. What had you been eating in the two? months in between the first eating of the dogs and then this second eating when you're out at sea and you're not out at sea you're hanging around Bermuda along the beaches of Bermuda yes of course jerk chicken naros compo oh many have said the Bermuda the Bermuda food is the cuisine there is a impeccable well it's a melting pot and some would say that it's a melting by that nothing should be put together is not a melting pot but a

stew of misclassified cuisines from all over the world. It was goulash basically. It was then after eating the Bermudan food for just a while that we decided yes. Yes, this was time. To get more local dogs, did you buy them or adopt them or did you? We had to raise them. Oh, these are these are descendants of the first dogs. What is a puppy mill, but is not a puppy mill like a flour mill, Scott, except each makes its sustenance for men's body. Yes. We raised the dogs. We raised them, we named them.

What were some of the names? Classic Bermuda names. Oh, really? You were leaning into the culture here. Oh, of course. By this time, yes, we had been fully integrated into the culture. You're dissimulated, you just kind of felt like you were a part of it. Alan, Darius.

Like Darius Rucker? Yes. and the blowfish? What if Bermuda's famous sons? I'm not sure that that's true, but... If there's anyone

who best shows the style in culture of Bermuda, it's Darius Rucker, a little bit country, a little bit 90s. Okay, okay. Can do anything. But it was then,

yes, Scott, that we ate the dogs. Okay, this is in October? No, this is the third? Okay. My birthday! Oh, congratulations, Chloe. Mine as well Oh really

So what sign are you both? Aquarius Aquarius? No, definitely not It's also BTK's birthday The Korean K-pop band Bitesai kill Yeah

Right Is that true? Oh yeah All right I'll take your word for it Jake you would know Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. The men sang their clarion voices ringing across the sand,

and then they brought forth the cake, candles bedecked upon it, and there, and only then did I notice what it was. Darius. The dog. Not Darius Rucker. No, of course. Scott, has Darius Rucker at this point has long been famous.

He's never returned to the island. No, I know, but I haven't had eyes on him since December, so I don't know. I don't know whether he's alive. It was a long December, Scott. And there was reason to believe that a dog was eaten on that day. That would have been so much cooler if he had sang that. Instead of the counting crows.

Did he not? Oh. Have you ever confused those two guys? Nope. I have. Yes, Scott, so now where are we in the air? I'm looking through my ship's log here. Oh, yes, New Year's Day.

New Year's, great. Old Langtine was sung. We had finally resumed our voyage. but no, no, Scott, were we ever to find our way to the Arctic? For it was then, then that we realized that the lardas had gone bare. We had departed Bermuda with nary a thing to place in them, for the food had run scarce, and that is when we decided. Sorry, are you done?

I actually didn't fill this part of the page. Oh, okay. I ran out. Do you remember what happened? Let me see. I think we hate the dog. Sounds about right. I wanted to guess, but I didn't want to interrupt.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So that was December. That was January, Scott. That was, I'm so sorry. Why would we sing Old Ang-Aign in December?

Although I have sung it all my birthday before, which I did enjoy. They sing it in, it's a wonderful life in the final scene. Do they not on Christmas? Oh, Lulu's pedals. Zuzu's petals. Zuzu, I believe. But I like the first one when it was Lulu. Yeah.

The first draft? Yeah. First, oh, have you read the first draft? The first draft. Amazing. Yeah. The salmon revisions? He kills himself.

He kills himself. The first one, he kills himself. Credits. Wow. As anyone who studies serial killers would know, the first one. Yeah. Yeah. Very dark.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's when you have the most, you know, passion for your ideas. The first draft, you know what I mean? Then anything can happen. Why do you think the ship's log is so dear to me, Scott? I take it everywhere I go. Really?

Okay. And how long have you been here in town? Well, that's the thing, Scott. Because I didn't put a year on this, I have no idea how old I am at this point. Okay. Well, it's wonderful. I mean, I feel like I'm from another age, but, you know, when you look at what I'm wearing, you kind of seem like...

This looks like something from the Met Gala. It really does. Like something that Jeff Bezos' wife would wear. Yeah. Yeah, you look old, so it's got to be old. I feel old. You have a Jeff Bezos... Quality.

No, his wife's... His wife's face? Yes. I have his wife's face and his haircut. Well, guys, we're going to get to the roundtable here. We are coming up on a break, though. It's great to have you all here. Are you ready to talk about the issues of the day?

I'm so glad you're ready. We're going to have to take a break, though. So I hope you're not too ready because we are going to take a break now. But we're going to be right back with more of the roundtable, more Chloe Carr, more Jake Gorillo. Gargello. Gargello. And more Captain Elvis. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Roundtable after this.

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. This is, of course, the Comedy Bang Bang Roundtable where the table is round, but the focus is squarely on the issues. And we have an esteem panel of guests. I'm going to introduce them again, although I hope that doesn't trigger a whole bunch of new captain's logs. We have Chloe Carr, a local citizen, local advocate here. Present!

And we also have Jake Gargillo. Gargello. Gargello. I need to spell it phonetically, but I spelled it the right way so I could, you know, credit you correctly. But I'm just going to, I'm going to give it a little phonetic gargello. A lot like Jello, right? You like that, Bill Cosby?

Um. All right, moving on. We also have Captain Ellis Davies here. Mr. Jones and me. Mr. Jones and you? Like Davy Jones? Just another Darius Rucker song I enjoy Oh, okay

Yeah Is that a sequel to me and Mrs. Jones? Yes, yes Is it Mr. Jones and me? Mr. Jones, the song, Darius Rocker. Oh no, that's Counting Crows. Yes, okay. God, there's so many misunderstanding.

Do I actually know a Darius Rucker song Or have I always thought the guy from Counting Crows was Darius? Does anyone know who do you the Blowfish song? Yeah. If, okay. Hold my hand. Hold my hand. Let her cry.

Let her cry. That's a strange sense. He knows all of them. Keep going. Hootie's back. Hootie's back. That was fun. Well, guys, this is, of course, the Comedy Bang Bang Roundtable.

We're, look, you know, there's so much going on, isn't there? I mean, it seems like every time you turn on the television these days, it's like, oh, no, something new happened instead of all the old stuff. And then other times you're like, wait a minute. that old stuff is coming back round. Uh-oh. And so I wouldn't be surprised if today's episode is a little bit hot. Are you guys ready to get into it?

What do you think? Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. All right. All right. Comedy Bang Bang Roundtable. Question number one.

If I visited your hometown, what local spots would you suggest I see? Let's start with Chloe. Chloe, if I visit, where are you from, by the way? Your hometown. I mean, I know you live in the, area. I'm from Oxnard. Oxnard. Okay, so not too far away.

Yeah, not too far. What is that? It's like a 25 minute drive from here? Yeah, at night 15. Yeah. It's one of the few cities in the United States of America that has an X in it. Isn't that right? There's not a lot? There's not a lot. No, and as a matter of fact, they considered hosting the X games there because of that.

You're kidding. Did you just make that up? I did not make that up. That's a little known fact about Oxnard. You can actually look up. It's it, I believe it would be on the Wikipedia page for Oxnard. That's so cool. I had to get out of there, though, when I was young because it was like really lame. The largest city in Bermuda is Sextown. Sextown?

It's literally called Sextown. You're kidding. It's the largest city in Bermuda. And because a lot of people live there or because they have a lot of land? When you come off a ship, Scott, you're looking for one thing. And that's food. The second thing you're looking for is the comfort of a soft hand. And then you go to sex town. Can you get food in Sextown?

Well, yeah, sure. You get a lot of things in sex towns. You get really anything you want. Yeah. All right. Oh, my God. I've never heard of that. That's crazy.

So now, if, Chloe, if, if, uh, if I visited Oxnard. Yeah. Uh, I believe I've passed it on the freeway occasionally. Um, but what local spots would you suggest I see? I'd say some of the best spots we have are low key, the gas stations. Really? Yes. Such good stuff.

These are chain gas stations or these are? I think all of them, all of them, gas stations. I'd say like we have like like I when I came out like like gas stations that are just like nope I just own this one gas station and I've never owned any other gas stations it's not part of another chain or anything like that who owns them I guess they used to back in the the you know the 50s or whatever you would just like a lot of people just have one like you just have one like you just have 11 or something uh no no 711 would be a chain but okay so oh you mean like a homegrown gas station necessarily as much as built but yes there's a gas station that I love going to be going to when I get near my parents' house in Oxnard, and they have tacos. Cool. To eat. And that they sell. Yeah, it's really awesome.

And, yeah, then that's where I'll get, like, buzzball or two. I'm sorry, I don't know what that is. Oh, that's an energy drink. Oh, okay. Buzzball is an alcoholic drink, my favorite alcohol drink. Oh, okay. Buzzball, they're really small. They're like, but you can get big ones.

Okay. And that's the opposite of an energy drink, where it's a depresent then, an alcoholic beverage? I don't know. When I drink alcohol, I have a good time. Sure, sure, because it lowers. I'm like having a blast, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, it seems like you have a good time anywhere. You're such an upbeat. No, when this thing crashes. First of all, when I eat, I get tired. Oh, yeah. The sugar probably. Literally. I have dinner plans tomorrow. It'll suck.

What are your plans? Getting dinner with two of my besties. Oh, really? Okay. And something special? You celebrating anything? No, we like to get dinner like once a month in catch up, kind of. Yeah, but anyway, so I would say I would want you to go to this gas station. I'd want you to get the tacos. Tell me more about the dinners. I'm actually really interested in the dinners. The dinner with me and my friends?

Yeah, you and your friends. Where did you meet these friends? Why are you interested in the dinner? I just, it sounds fun, like a monthly dinner. Did you guys just feel an earthquake? I don't. No, I did. Did you guys just feel an earthquake?

No, I think, I mean, you just took a sip out of your caffeine drink. Maybe it gave you a tremor or something. Bostin off the wall. I mean, you are a little more energetic than our comedy band band guests normally are. Is that like not cool? No, it's very cool. Should I turn it down?

No, no, I do. To be honest, keep it at the same level. I love it. I'm going to listen. Yeah. So 12 dinners a year with your friends. Once a month. Yeah.

Whoa. You added it up. Yep, that's it. Seems like if you had two really good friends, that doesn't seem like enough when you think about it. But then if someone were to say like, hey, do you want to get dinner with me every two weeks? I'd be like, oh, God. You'd be like that's a lot of dinner.

Yeah, you know what I mean? But like what you go like, oh, once a month, sure. But then at the end of the year you look at it and go, I only had dinner with these people 12 times. That's actually crazy to think about I do something once a month for a year and I'm only doing it 12 times. Yeah. Like that feels how often do you change your sheets? Sounds like you've never changed. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Even the dirty captain said that. You're messed up. Guys, it's not that. I have other people do it. But that's like something that like, I don't know, you shouldn't do once a month. You shouldn't.

I believe we're on a once a week basis. Yeah, you should do that. Yeah. But to even think that, like think that that's four times, four times 12. It's 52 times. To only change your sheets 52 times out of the year? I know. That doesn't seem like enough, especially like if you have a really sweaty sleep, you know what I mean?

It's like... Literally, that feels like, hey, do you mind making a house call in the middle of the week? I had a sweaty sleep. What? This is me talking to... Topical. All right, well, thank you very much, Chloe. That's a good tip for visiting Oxnard.

Jake Gargello. Yeah. I said it right. Which one did you read? The phonetic one. If I were to visit your hometown, what local spots would you suggest I see? Now, you're not from Milwaukee? No, not from Milwaukee.

Jeffrey Dahmer's from Milwaukee. Yeah, right. Any other serial killers from Milwaukee? The Fonz? Was he a serial killer? No. No, no, no, no, no. He was super cool.

He was, but sometimes like a, you know, a Bundy that can be a front for... That's part of my Bundy impression is like, hey, I'm pretty charming, I'm dashing, ever been in a VW bug? We're going to Seattle. I'm in law school. I notice you're not really a vocal impressionist as much as you're a person who's uses the same voice to just spout facts. Information based. Oh, okay.

Here, you, let's say you're a guest at a party and I'm Bundy. I'm dying to see Bundy. Please, let's see this. I'd love to see you hear the Bundy. All right. Hey, Toots. You ever been in a VW bug? I'm going to Seattle.

I'm in law school. I've never been to Florida State. Just saying facts again. I'd like to point out that Scott is stirring. a little drink that he's miming. It's very good party work. Just alone in a corner, stirring a little drink. I hope to be in our town someday.

I believe you've got it. I've been working on shucking corn. Could have been an oyster. Could have been a corn cob. But the drink work was mighty, fine. Very good. Thank you so much, Captain. Are you still a captain?

I still call you a captain. Yeah, always captain. Always. Because you received your captain. Commendation. Yes, yes. And you're not a captain anymore? Once a captain, always a captain.

That's what they say. So, that was, I mean, yeah, great. Well, let me ask you this, Scott. I mean, like, after hearing all of that, I mean, would you then, if you were that guest, go to you who are the real life host of this party? Okay. Let's roll play. I'm having trouble figuring out.

Let's roll play. You play me and I'll play the guest. And what do you want me to say? I'm playing you. Yeah. And you're the guest. Are you going to do the drink now? Okay.

Oh, slightly larger drink. It's more of a Mai Tai. Oh, it's that kind of party. Where did the keys go? Hi there. Oh, hi, Scott. No, you're me. Is this your impression of him?

Wait, am I a guest named Scott? Is that how I sound? Oh, wait, I'm looking at his phone, and he has a little. Orange County pulled up on it. Oh, no, look at the weather. Oh, you are me. The weather of Orange County. He's on his phone.

Okay, great. Ever been to Orange County? It's lovely there today. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, good. Hey, some guy called me Toots. Oh, you met Ted Bundy? Is Ted Bundy in my apartment?

That is, oh, this is an apartment. Oh, okay. Oh, so this is back a few years. Scott hasn't lived in an apartment since the late 80s. I've been shared walls since. Freestanding for decades. Right now you see, current Scott has all these preconceived notions, right? So I'm taking this back to a younger Scott who is still open, right?

So you're hypothetical that you were asking me about. If this were 30 years ago when I was having a party, wouldn't I have said, because I don't know what I'm supposed to ask you. Tiki drinks, apartment. Like Do they pay swingers on me? Oh, if only we could see what he was wearing If only we knew if he was money or not

So what do I'm sorry What am I supposed to ask you? All right You know what? I'll be the guest and you be you Okay So many role changes It's great

So you have the cut In the audio medium It's perfect A costume change for this Bigger glass Okay good Now A schooner

You're casting a spell. You've been around a school once or twice. Oh, absolutely. And with a long opium spoon, stirring it. Very long spoon. Very long spoon. Oh, the acting. It's amazing.

I wish they could see it. Oh, hello, Scott. Hi, Francois. Are you enjoying my party in my apartment? I'm having the most delightful time. Fantastic. I was in the corner with a drink much smaller than yours. And a gentleman approached me.

and I could have sworn it was Ted Bundy. I should interject here and say that both these men will kill a woman tonight. Literally? Just the way they're acting. Just the way you're acting. I was literally thinking the exact same thing, Captain. This is me in the past. A lot of ick, a lot of ick, Scott.

Are you saying that I in the past have killed people? I am only saying the portrayal of you from the past in the present definitely points to some dark dark underbelly. Yeah, I would say, Scott, you are on the list of people that are ordered from me. Someone has ordered an impression of me for a party? Shut up. Yes, as a serial killer to show up at a party, yes. Is there a patient client privilege or anything?

Can you tell me who did this? Who ordered me? Do you know? Seth Morris. Seth Morris, the... the Alta Dina's favorite Edita's favorite son

Um He's ordered me For you to do an impression At a party? Seth Morris I haven't gotten any invite For a party When's this party?

Because you don't have to be there I end up going Oh okay wait So instead Instead of inviting me to a party He's gonna invite an impersonator of me Topical Topical literally

What the hell, dude? Wait, can you do your Scott? Wait, have you just started in on your research of me? Is this party three years away? Yes. Yes. Well, he does have the weather of Alta Dino on his phone. Yeah, so I'm here.

I'm scouting. Okay. Oh, I see. So that's why you're on the show today. Absolutely. You're not here for the roundtable? I mean, I'm super invested in current events. Don't get me wrong.

Yeah, did we hear what local spots in your hometown? I would. Dalton Arena. Oh, thank you. Dalton Arena and Raleigh, North Carolina. I saw Ray Charles there. Oh, okay, great. That's fantastic.

All right. Let's moving on to Captain Elvis Davies. Aye, aye. He is a captain. Wow. If I were to visit your hometown, what local spots would you suggest, I see? Well, Scott, my home for many years has been the as your blue waves of the ocean.

The briny deep. The briny deep. Davy Jones's locker, as they say. Medusers. as Dary's Rucker once said. As Darius Rucker once famously saying. Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones, take me to Medusa's Keep.

What's the question? Your hometown, though. Where are you from? Oh, I'm from Prescott on Avis, which is in Oxfordshire. Oh, you're British. I'm lightly British. I've been at sea, so I have more of a sea accent now. Oh, I'm just.

This is a universal Siemens. Seamon is what we used to call it. But, yes, yes. Ew! That's what we called salad dressing out there, too. Seaman's home. I would imagine with the larder being empty all the time, one had to make do. One must make do, Scott, and every bottle of Siemens' own,

$1 is donated to a good cause. Oh, great. What's the question? What local spots? Local spots. And where was it again? Well, in England. I mean, where you're from?

I hadn't been to England for years, Scarton. So I would say when it comes to being at sea, I would say definitely the foxel, or foxel, as others call it. The foxel. What is that? What's that? I don't know exactly what it's. Okay, if you're going up the ship,

do you know, if you look on the port side, it's the second of the third masts there. Oh, I see. Now go left. Okay. Okay. Okay. So you stopped doing ship directions.

Well, this is how we direct on the ship. Go straight. So first go for it. And then go left. They turned aft at the anchor. Okay. And then left. About, I mean, I would say it's some three, four blocks.

And then you're going to see the folks. Okay, yeah. But what are they? That is, oh, it's just a, it's a fucking sale. Oh, okay. But that's where the guys kind of hang out. That's where they hang out. That's where we'd have dinner.

If we had had dinner, this is where me and my 88 friends would have sat down and sat down and supped together. How often are you and your 88 friends having dinner together? More than 12 times a year? Literally, try to get that schedule lined up. Each night, we would, each man would sit around the old ships table, 88 long, 88 strong, and watch one other man eat one dog. And this is what you call a, well, what did they say at Olive Garden? Hospitaliano.

That's what we called it. That's what we called it. Sounds like a dream life. It is a dream life to explore. Sit around at a table, 42 men on one side, 42 on the other side. I didn't say it that way. That's not how we said. I sat at the head.

Yeah, one and one. I sat on one side of the long side. Oh, you see? And then 88 strong. On the other? I'm the captain's scott. Who are on the other, the sides of the table? Or is it really thin?

No one sits there. No one sits. Too thin to sit? The butt in the head. No one sits at the button ahead of the table. 88 men across from me. Okay. And one dog at a time?

One fine friend, one of fine canine friend at a time. Man's best friend. Man's best friend until he becomes man's finest dinner. June 4. No, no. Okay, no, we don't have time for this. Okay, look, thank you so much for, that was a great start to the roundtable. That was fascinating.

We do need to take a break, though. coming up on a break. So do you guys have more in the tank for more of talking about the issues here? Absolutely, Scott. More in the tank? Come on. I have two hours before I fall down. All right. Great. Well, we're going to take a break. And when we come back, we're going to have more Chloe Carrello, more Jackarillo, more Captain Elvis Davies. Gargello, sorry. And I got a look at that phonetic one. And we'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Bang Roundtable after this. Comedy Bang Bang! We're back. We have the Comedy Bang Bang Roundtable here, the rectangular table that we used to have. This is probably germane to your interest, Captain, but we had a rectangular table in here that I would sit at the head of, and it would be one person and then usually two and two, you know, sometimes three and three. And we got rid of that, though.

So we're at a round table right now. You must not be accustomed to this kind of roundtable thing. I'm not accustomed to any kind of scintillating table talk. Like this, this, Scott. But now the, what do you call the wheel on a ship? The, well, we, that, the, you know what I mean? The one that they drive around. The steering wheel?

They call it steering wheel. Well, it depends on what kind of ship you're on, Scott. On mine, we called it the steering wheel. You call it steering. Some call it the helm or, yeah, that seems too modern to me, but I would say, stand back. I'm steering, the steering wheel. Right, so the steering wheel. The steering wheel.

That's round. Oh, yes, it's very round. No wheels. Okay. We cut the top off, we cut the bottom off. It kind of looked like the Batmobile. It was nice. That looks cool.

Very cool. Very cool. And there are no wheels on ships other than like, I guess if it were sort of like, you know, those, what are those duck boats in Chicago? Those have wheels, right? Yes. I mean, that's an abomination in God's eyes of man and God. The duck boats or Chicago? Both, Scott.

Chicago, a city impossible to penetrate by water. I never would go there, but also, you know, boats with wheels. Meaning if you were trying to take it over? Like, if you were trying to conquer Chicago, it would be impossible because it's on the lake? Right. What point is exploration, if not, for the conquering of others, Scott? Does the lake, does it have tributaries out to anything else? No.

No? No, really. Landlocked. Collection of water. Collection of landlock waters. Yeah, that's a shame. Yes, Scott, but no, no, no. I would never.

Yes, Scott, but no, no, no. Yes, but actually no. That's the comedy bang bang promise Well wonderful to have you here Captain Wonderful to be here We also have Jake Gargello here Impressionist

And is there anyone That is one of your favorite impressions That you go like Yeah a lot of people Don't order this But this one I think I really nailed You know a lot of people Speaking of Chicago

Don't order H. H. H. Holmes. Who is H.H. Holmes? Is that Millie Bobby Brown's character on those movies? Anola Holmes? Oh, is that who that is? It's a Nola Holmes, Scott. It's a Nola Holmes. The word Nola, if every letter is capitalized, looks sort of like HH. It means enough in Bermuda. I've had In Nola. A Nola of Sex Town. Get me out.

No one ever said that in Sex Town, but you do say it when you're eating a dog on the beach. Oh, yes. So who is H.H. Brown? H.H. Holmes. H.H. Holmes. I'm thinking Millie Bobby Brown. You're thinking Millie Bobby Brown. Do you do her?

But Bobby Brown is from Chicago. Bobby Brown is this? Really? Yes. The makeup artist? No. The singer, but he is not a murderer as far as we know. As far as we know. Although he kills it with crowds.

Does he not? So is Jermaine Jackson. Speaking of Jermaine things. Yeah. Also from Chicago. Oh. Gary, Indiana. Yeah.

But also a series. serial killer. As far as we know, Jermaine Jackson is a serial killer. I heard that. Look what happened to Latoya. So, Holmes. H.H. Holmes. Who is this? He, he was around during the turn of the century when... Which century now? The 1900s into 2000s? The turn of the century. And the Chicago had the World Fair, and it was when the Big Ferris wheel... Was that smaller or bigger than the World's Fair? It's the Ferris wheel was smaller than the World's Fear. And then the World's Fair had this big one.

It would be unfortunate if the Ferris wheel was bigger than the fair it was supposed to be. Or the world. It would be an impossibility. A Ferris wheel could... Bigger than the world. Could God make a Ferris wheel so big he couldn't ride in it? Topical. Yeah. Well, the spherical shell theorem says that the gravity from within side of the Ferris wheel is greater than from without.

Is that true? Really? Yeah. Okay. Are you interested in? science? Just the science of mimicry. Oh, okay.

But H.H. Holmes was a millionaire and had a mansion. Back at the turn of the century. That meant something. Yeah. Yeah. And he, they called it the death house. Oh. Oh, why is that?

Because he would like, he built stairs in it that went to nowhere. So if people were like trying to run away, they'd just get lost. And he like devised like these like torture, like, and like a chest with a hole in that you attach a tube to it so that they can't breathe or you can filter in stuff literally sounds like my ex-boyfriend your ex-boyfriend

used to torture you? No, just like no, just like I don't know like trying to find ways to like trap people in a chill way in a chill way trap people

to what I am? Just like in conversation like this is an endless staircase going to nowhere like at a party he would corner you and just like talk to you for hours and hours

Sounds like one of Scott's parties from the 80s. Careful. As long as there's huge drinks there. Small apartment. Sort of like that Ferris wheel. The world's fair, yeah. Could apartment be so small

that it contained the largest drink in the world? We'll never know. Forced perspective. So what does he sound like, H.H. Holmes? Oh, so H.H. Holmes, don't go up to those stairs. So he actually, he was helpful in regards to the stairs that he... So is he say... He's H.H. Holmes saying don't go up the stairs.

Yeah, but it's like a... Oh. Oh. So it's sort of like... The audio listener, he lifted his brow. Yeah. I would love to see Scott... I would love to see Scott at the bottom of the stairs at a party.

Okay. Thinking about going up the stairs. All right, you ready to do this? No way he's going to get up there with that drink. No, it's huge. Oh, my God. That's a cauldron of gin. He's stirring the gin.

My God. With a ladle, I think. Yes, what I'm trying. I'm glad this is coming across. Oh, hi. I just need to find a bathroom. Is there one up here? Oh, don't go up those stairs.

Because there's no bathroom up there? Have you seen the Ferris wheel in town? Yeah, I mean, it's hard to miss. It's bigger than the town. It's the largest in the world. Yeah. I mean, they're usually all pretty big, but that one, that one's really big. Don't get in that chest.

Chest? It's a chest with a hole in it. Don't get in that. Don't get in that. Okay, yeah. I'm just looking for a bathroom, dude. Do you own this place? Yeah.

This is my death house. Now, just a question. Scott, did you think your character was going up to the bathroom to dump the gin down the toilet? Why would you take that to the bathroom? It's a narrow staircase. Sure. I'm worried someone's going to take my drink. I paid a lot for it.

Right. You paid a lot for it at this house. Or like, you know, one of the... I'm charging. AJ Jones is charging. One of the servants is going to clear it or something. something. I see. It was a long line at the at a cash bar. You can't leave your drinks out, especially when there's serial killers in the party. Absolutely not. Yeah, you know,

so I just need to protect it. I was going to keep it in the ante room, assuming your restroom has an ante room. Come on. Yeah, you know. I'm a millionaire the turn of the century. So it didn't mix with any of the fumes or anything like that. I see. I see. It's all clear now. It's all very clear. I think for the audio listener, there's no question. Well, Jake Gargello, it's great to, great to have you. here. And then we also have Chloe Carr here. What's up? And Chloe, how are you feeling? You, uh, approaching

approaching a crash? Literally? I'm, what? Sorry? Approaching a crash? Huh? Uh-huh. No, I guess not. I guess not. You're still, you're still at a hundred miles an hour. Yeah. Yeah, I love this. Feeling better. And so you guys didn't feel the earthquake? We did not

feel an earthquake. Uh, sorry. I think that's just your body chemistry slightly realigning Honestly. Also, you guys are crazy to talk to. After years on the sea, it's always in motion. The room is always in motion. God, I can't imagine. Did you take drammamine all the time? I have to take dramamine.

Yeah, was this in a modern era where they had dramemean? Why do you keep trying to ask when this was? I'm really, I told you. Let me look up when. Have you ever had dramamine in your life? There is no time on sea, Scott. And as we all know, the Bermuda calendar is wild. It was potentially the turn of the century because it was...

It was around the turn of the century. Does the turn mean at the top or the bottom? I think it's both, right? The turn just being like... Yeah, it's like turning into a new century. Is that what it means? Yeah. Drama mean, by the way...

Drama mean is what actors take Scott when... Uh-huh. When they do a scene like you do. That's what an audience needs after seeing a little roleplay like that. A bit of drama. I feel like... I feel like you. I'm so sick. Who was who? And is he going up the stairs?

Don't go up no stairs. Don't go up in the back of your throat. You're confused. What's the context? By the way, it was discovered and announced in 1949. I was there for the announcement. It has always existed. Oh, it was a huge affair, Scott. Everyone was there. Oh, my God. There was a fair for Dramamine? Oh, yes. It was at the World Fair. The World Fair. 1949. Dramine announcement.

Take the whole thing off. All right. Well, good for them. All right. Well, it's the roundtable here, the, the, the, the, the, the CBB roundtable. We're talking about what's going on these days. I don't know if you guys are like me, but every time I pick up a newspaper these days is like, uh, you know what? Maybe this is a little better for lighting my bird cage. You know what sort of birds? What? You know, my collection of cockatoos and did you, have you always had those even since the apartment days? Sure. That was what kind of forced me into getting a, but mainly the noise complaint. Sometimes you would keep him up on the roof like Mike Tyson. Yes. A large house with birds seems rich. A small apartment with birds seems sad. Bad. Really bad.

The scene of a crime. It's waiting to happen. But, you know, I mean, a lot going on these days, and we're trying to get sort of, we're like Michelangelo whittling away at it, and hopefully we're going to find David there in the center. Yes, Michael Angelo, a great whittler of old. But here we go. Coming up next, here's our next question on the CBB roundtable. What is the strangest habit you have?

What is the strangest habit you have? We're going to go to Captain Elvis Davies here, the strangest habit that you have. Now, I would imagine out there on the sea with your 88 crew members, a lot of odd peccadillo's arise between everyone, you know? Oh, absolutely, Scott. Yeah.

I mean, we had, there were times when if I saw a peccadillo cross the ship, I would have eaten it. Sure, yeah. You don't have those at sea. And those were discovered right before, Kramami, I believe. Piccadillo is a 1984.

Yeah. Strange habits. Well, Scott, what is being at sea if not a strange habit? Habit creates safety for as soon as a habit breaks down,

then you're exposed to the elements. That is so wise. But what's a strange habit that you have? Sometimes I think you don't like my wind-ups. Look, if I were to go to a baseball game and... You're slided in the first. Literally.

Hopefully I see that someday, like show hi Otani, show hey Otani's out there. And he does a huge elaborate windup. Yes. And then the pitch just is over like that. I mean, it extends the game and you get a little more of what you paid for. Right.

Right. So you're saying you like them. Yes. Oh, okay. I'm complimenting you. Oh, thank you. I would say checking the ropes, Scott, what a strange habit. Checking each rope.

Each rope. There are a lot of ropes on a ship. Many ropes. Yeah. A lot of knots. Many knots. I can tie any knot. Isn't that strange that they say ships travel knots?

And then they use knots. Yeah, it seems like, hey, come up with different words for things. It's a fun joke because, you know, on the ship, a lot of times you do something, or you'd say, look, there's a hole over here. We're springing a leak in something. We go, not. That's funny. That would be a, that would be a, that's a third usage of the word, not. Yes.

Just yelling not? Not. Like, not it? So this is after Wayne's World came out? I'm not familiar. Which I think, I think places. me perfectly in time. If I'm not familiar with that, but all the other things I think you know

or not. But he is from Milwaukee. Yes. Wayne is. Well, I see your phone. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for holding that up. It's so nice. He's John Wayne Gasey and Wayne the same. Yeah. I've always wondered. What was his name? Wayne Garth? No, those are the two guys.

Wayne Brady. Wayne World's Fair. Wayne Brady, also a famous serial killer. What is Wayne's world's last name? Wayne's World's last. No, is that how you, is that how you searched it? William Campbell. Camble.

Like the soup. Yes. Wayne Campbell and Garth Brooks. Yes. Garth grade. Now type in what is Wayne's World Garth last name. Algar. True?

Yeah, very true. Isn't that strange how we give our secondary characters unique names? Wayne Campbell. And yet Wayne is arguably more famous. If you saw both of them walking down the street, who would you be more excited by? Are we talking the characters? Are we talking the men who play? Oh, talk about drama.

I would say Garth. I would have to say Garth. You'd be more excited by seeing Garth walking down the street than the star of Wayne's world? Yeah, I'd have to be for me. Or Roblo. So if you were walking down the street and you saw Johnny Carson and Doc Severnson walking down the street, you'd be more excited to see Doc? One's a comedian, one's a baseball player. Which one is the baseball player?

I think it sounded like a baseball player. No, Doc Severnson was the trumpeter. Oh, see. The trumpeteer. I thought you meant the guy from back to the future. Tom. Tom Seaver. Right.

See, I, again, you know the time I'm from, Scott. I wasn't familiar. Okay, so you're like a recent guy. You're like 20. Very good. All right. Checking the ropes. Yes, checking the ropes.

Checking the ropes. All right. Chloe Carr, what is your most, what is the question? Something about like what I like what do I what is the strangest habit you have? I'm passing out passing out that's strange. I can't get my mind around it. So is this like narcolepsy or this is in the middle of the day? I think I work too hard.

Okay. But still. Yeah. This seems like a medical issue that you should be seeing a specialist regarding. I know and I probably should and I probably should take better care of myself. But I'll say passing out, but also another weird. one that I like to talk about is I get sourpatch do you know sour patch I know the kids I don't know the friends so why did I say sour patch friends is it

the garbage pale kids or the garbage pale friends the longer you keep them around the relationship changes then they become the garbage pale or what are we talking about garbage pale kids garbage poor friends yeah star shatter enami sour patch starburst whoa sour patch X friends kids kids exes Nends with benefits ex-boyfriends Sour Patch fuck boys

Sour Patch, yes Okay, sometimes I suck on Sour Patch Kids and I just take off the sour part and I put it back in Yeah, so You take the sour but you meaning you You cleave it, you whittle it like Michelangelo I cleave it, I first base it

I lick it, put it back That's based Suck the sour off as they said in sex town They or you? Who said that in Sextown? Depending on if I was working or participating. Okay, got it. So that sounds like a strange habit

doing that. Right? Yeah, I think that's like a quirky thing. Oh, that's why you brought it up. Yeah, you asked me. I thought this was a prelude to something you were going to talk about. No, you asked me like a weird hobby. That and passing out.

That's a hobby. Okay, great. Yeah. A habit. Yeah. All right. Jake Gargello, what's, what's, uh, what's, the strange. just have it you have. I often

in movies like at the theater. Meaning you're starring in movies or you? Are you an actor? No. No. Oh no. No. You're not a movie star like boobs rins, are you? No, no. Okay. Do you know boobs rins? I do know Boobes Rint of Loves for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a huge star. Yeah, yeah. But he considers himself to be a private detective. Strange guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, anyway. I, um, no, when I'm at a movie.

Okay. When I'm at a movie, I'm viewing a movie, I'm viewing a movie, I'm viewing a movie in the movie theater. Something like Michael. Something like Michael. Exactly. I'll watch something like Michael and I loudly disprove it. Disprove it? Like I'll see, I can tell like, no, no, this isn't true.

Oh my God. You're like one of those people in the theater that's like, that wouldn't be their apartment. Exactly. Exactly. No, are we talking about the Michael, about the angel? Or are we talking Michael about both? Both. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The musician who's an angel. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, like the angel one, I'm like, angels don't wear suits.

No, no, no, no. Right, but I'll, like, loudly say it. What angels wear in your mind? Is it the white robes? I think it's a white robe, a harp or two. Similar to what I brought today, this. Yeah. Similar to that, yeah.

A little, yeah. When you said it was like the Met Gala, it's like, it's like what Heidi Klum was wearing. What was she wearing? She was trying to look like a statue. She looked like a statue. Oh, yeah. Why?

Because women become invisible after a certain age. Oh, that's so deep. Yes. I'm a feminist. tweet you're a feminine oh so you are young well Scott I don't kiss and tell okay um so you so you shout out at the movie pointing out flaws in the storyline

performances it's really a performance you know like it'll be like something like I feel like it's obvious but everybody else no one else is saying it you know like uh what like it'll be like in Star Wars I'm like the shipping they're big you know or like it's not as big as they are saying it is or it's not as big as people are acting like it is inside or what do you mean yeah like they're walking like where they get the money you have a ship that big you know I don't know what you

mean I barely even know what you just said look I mean take any character ship in Star Wars okay Darth Vader's ship done done done done done exactly yeah like you I mean you first of all where do you get that hat that's one of the things I'm saying like where do you get the hat his face would we call that a hat yeah I call it a hat helmet. It's a helmet. As popularized in the movie Spaceballs, Dark helmet.

Oh, right. But see, that's why it's a farce because he makes it a helmet. So it starts as a hat in Star Wars and then Mel Brooks turns it into a helmet. That's what I'm saying. Darth Vader. Serial killer? Oh, you can't me look at him? Yeah.

Who is Darth Vader ever killed? What's his real name? What's his real name? Anakin Skywalker. Right? Google. Real name, Dark. Real name.

Google it, Scott. Real name Darry. I just said it. No one knows. Isn't that a letdown? You know how Grogu? It felt like a letdown when you first heard it. Now I can't imagine it any other way.

But Anakin Skywalker. It's as if you're speaking a medieval French to me, Scott. No idea what you're speaking. So you shout out at the screen. It seems like it would be constant. I mean, it did. Are you banned from all movie theaters? Not all.

I can go to the. The Regal Theater in Alhambra. Oh, okay. Why do they let you do that out there in Alhambra? There's like, every time I go, there's like no one there. Oh, okay. Oh, so they just let you because you don't get caught. I guess.

Because there's nobody there. Well, just no one's complained. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah. Got it. But every other theater, they have your picture up. Picture is up. But it's fine.

But it's fine. Yeah, because you go to Alhambra. Do you live close to Alhambra? No, I live in Baldwin Hills. Oh, okay. I don't know the distance between those two, but it sounds like it's a bit of a hike. It's all the way down Fairfax. Oh, okay. So you pass the house, no, not the house of pies. What do you pass it? I can.

I think you should have to Scott hasn't left his home in a day. A house like this, you don't leave. With all the birds? Who intend to them? When you live in Eden, you don't leave. Oh, I think I'm going to go out to Lodi to go get an... No, no, no. How about the wonderful fruit here? Here. Yeah, exactly.

So, well, that's interesting about you. Yeah. Do you go to movies alone or are you with people? I know, I like bring people and stuff. Like a lot of times. Like you pay for their tickets. Yeah, like I'll bring, like, I'll court clients. You know?

Court clients. So you're a lawyer. No, like clients who people, no, not like that court clients. Like I. You wooed. Averous. Yes. Cork clients.

People buying basketball. Basketball courts. No, no, no, no. That kind of court. More like I romanticized. When you said lure, by the way, that raised my alarm bells here. You're not luring people into an empty movie theater in order to, you know, I mean, do the stuff that you're so fascinated by. No, but when I'm there, I can slip into character and they get a taste of, like, who it is, right?

I would love to see that. Why do this at a movie theater with a loud movie playing? Why not just do it at some other place? Because their attention is on the screen, right? So, like, I can slip. understand why that's a pro. It's like at a party. If they're having a party and I've been invited to the party...

Can I see what the party looks like? Okay, wait, so this is... Let's do the movie theater. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Captain L was... Scott leaves his house for the first time in a decade to see Wayne's World on... 35mm. Okay, great.

In Alhambra... Mm-hmm. And... Okay. And the drink has gotten even bigger. audience, if you can imagine his hand around a hogshead barrel, 55 gallons. Massive straw.

Big, big straw. Crazy straw. There's no way to let you know that, but I... A straw that could kill a turtle when it looks at it. Oh, this way, maybe. My eyes are darting around, following the path. He's clearly intoxicated at the Alhambra movie theater, drinking out of a garbage can.

And... Can you guys do the movie? mind doing the movie is that? Absolutely. Okay, ready? Wayne's World. That's what you want? Keep in mind, I've never seen it. I don't remember it.

Excellent. Excellent times. Wayne's world! Wayne's world! We have to get into the concert with the bands that are playing. Oh, my. No, no, no. They would never be able to just

get into the concert like that. Who are you, buddy? I don't know, but somebody move my clown wig. Are you the guy you paid for my ticket? Hey, who stuff is this in the crawl space? I put kids there. I like you. Let's be best friends. Topical.

I'm John Wayne Gacy. So nice to meet you. I'm Scott Ackerman. 80s. Nope. Sorry, 1999. No, Scott. Last week, the rep. Oh, they're putting the... Sorry! It's like a re... It's going up again. It's the dramamine would

be flowing now. Dramamine, rather. The 35th anniversary. The 35th on 35mm millimeter and... Oh, how apt! Oh, apt. The marketing was great or will be. I would prefer this on 70mm, but I guess I got to wait 35 years for it. Anyway, what did you say your name is, pal?

I'm actually, Jake Gargello and I'd slide you my card, and I'd say I'm the guy who actually paid for your ticket. I'm someone at the theater, and I'm going, why is the frame rate so wrong? The frame rate is strange. I feel like I'm having a seizure. They need to widen out the curtains a little more. I like the other guy I was talking to. Could I pay you to be him?

Absolutely, my friend. That's not how it goes. That is exactly how it goes. That is exactly how it goes. I want to compliment you on the Wayne's World. Literally, thank you so much. Only through cultural osmosis did I know that. They're going to some sort of a concert.

Some sort of a concert and there will be babes. Maybe Aerosmith. we don't know. We don't know. Yeah. RIP. Yep. Oh, man.

That was tough. Yeah, it was. That was a tough day for us a couple. They did when Aerosmith, when, uh... When all the members of Aerosmith died on in their own amusement park ride. Yes. Yes. They decided to go on it the last day that it was, it was going to be the Aerosmith rock and roll coaster before they changed it over.

And they all crashed in. They forgot that they had taken out the track at the end and it just crashed. The 9-11 for many of us. Yep. I'll die. It doesn't matter, but I was there for that. Turn of the century. You're born on September 10th, 2001, I'm guessing.

Yes, yeah. Some would say my 9-11 was the day after my birthday. You said your birthday was the same as mine as December 12th. Oh, okay. So December 12th, 2000. If the, if what's a round table, if not a fact-checking session? So George W. Bush had not gotten into office yet. Who?

You know, the guy reading the books. Oh, yes, yes. And the daycare? Yeah. Okay. Well, guys, this has been fascinating. I think we really hammered out some of the issues, haven't we? Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. I think I got to know you guys better, and I think I got to know what's going on a little better. But we are running out of time, unfortunately. We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that, of course, is a little something called plugs. Fuck all, Levi. I made it to the end of the internet, and I watched all the TV shows, and you need your sleep.

All right, that was Tent Me Daddy by Levi and his loose lips. Thank you to Levi and his loose lips. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs, and you can upload it there, as well as find everything you need for the remixes for the closing of the plug bag. And what are we plugging guys? Jake Gargello What are you plugging?

I'm plugging the show Company Retreat on Amazon Prime. If I were to find it, could I find it just by putting in Company Retreat or would I have to put in Jury Duty? You can just if you... I can? Yeah.

Oh, okay, great. If you, yeah, if you put in Company Retreat, it'll come up, but otherwise the full title is Jury Duty Presents Company Retreat. Jury Duty presents. Is there a colon? I think there is. And you can also just put in

Wayne's World last name. Yeah. To give you company retreat. And this is all like... This is like when Hobs and Shaw presented that... Oh, no, it was Fast and Furies presented Hobs & Shaw as the reverse, wasn't it? Yes. Yeah, cool.

Are Hobs and Shaw involved in this show at all, or... No, but Colton Dunn and I used that poster for our two-man show years ago. You had a two-man show with... Jake, you had a two-man show with Colton Dunn? He's famed from Superstore? Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's great. Chloe Carr, what are you plugging?

Oh, my. My God. I guess I'll just plug the podcast, Artist on Artists, on Artists on Artists. I've heard about that. Yeah. Great podcast. Wherever you got them. And you don't care where people get them, right?

No, never ask where. I never ask where you. No questions asked. No questions asked in the door. Literally. Fantastic. And then Captain Elvis Davies, what are you plugging? The SPCA, of course, always Scott.

And I will. And also I'll plug. A pair of podcasts. Mega the podcast, which is quite a fun romp through a fictional megachurch. And that is not spelled M-A-G-A. Well, not yet. Might have to change that in coming years. And I'll also plug a fun new podcast that I'm not on, but my Kikiwiki, my dearly beloved.

Deerle-beloved. What's that? Okay, so you don't know. Tarius Rucker. No, you know. That's Prince. Oh, okay. Yeah. Always confused those. You probably were around for him to die.

Formerly known as, yes, Scott, I will say soccer moms, a new podcast, very, very funny, very good. I've heard. Yes, really. Of it. That is a fun new pod. A few episodes out, Katie Rich, Holly Laurent, and I just love those two, and I'm in love with one of them. You'll find out which one. But it's very fun and funny podcast. All right, fantastic. And I want to plug, hey, we're out there on the road right now. Comedy Bang Bang is out there. Paul F. Tompkins, myself, and a rotating group of the comedy bang bang, bang, all stars are all out on the road right now. You can find out all of our dates, as well as buy tickets at CBBWorld.com slash tour. And while you're over there, over at CBB World, you can check out all the shows. We have the complete archive of this show, all ad-free,

plus every live episode we've ever done. Plus, we have other shows like The Neighborhood Listen in College Town, and CBB Presents, where it's stuff like Randy Snuts' show and We have Bill Walton's show and the Batman. So much stuff going on over there. You're going to want to check it out. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. All right, that was the yeah, yeah, yeah bag by at war with the Piss Pigs. Thank you so much for that.

And guys, speaking of thank you, I want to thank you individually and collectively as a group. Of course, Jake Gargello, I want to thank you so much. And I'll get back to you about the party in just a second. and Captain Elvis Davies. Signing off and Godspeed. Signing off, meaning you... Shipping out. You're shipping out.

Yes. Oh my God! Shipping out. Going back out there towards the Arctic? Back to the Arctic, Scott. Back to where... How'd you end up in Bermuda when you're an Arctic explorer? Well, what's halfway to the Arctic, if not Bermuda, Scott?

That's a good point, yeah. The old saying. Yep. But so you're shipping out. Shipping out this afternoon out of Long Beach. Oh, okay. Beautiful Long Beach. Yeah.

Well, before you go, we need to hear... the answer to a couple of questions. Okay, great. First of all, Chloe Carr, thank you so much for being here. And we need to know, you said check back with you at the end of the episode.

What did we say? Do you have diarrhea? Yeah. I don't know whether she's lying or whether she's telling the truth. Gosh. All right. Oh, she is.

Okay, you're saying next. Literally. We all are. We all are. It's a round table. And then Jake, Are you available tomorrow for this party? Absolutely.

Who do you want? Seth Morris. You want Seth Morris? Yeah. Do you mind following him around the rest of the day and just give me a day's worth of Seth Morris? Yeah, absolutely. What do you know about him already?

I mean, the Altadina Strangler. He's a good start at least. Okay, that's a good start at least. Good at playing doctors on TV. Okay, yeah. All right, thanks, thanks, everyone. We'll see you next time. Thanks.

Bye. Yeah.