Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jack Quaid, Lily Sullivan, Carl Tart

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

Award nominated actor Jack Quaid joins Scott to talk about his animated character from Star Trek: Lower Decks being live action in the new season of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, how a Facebook video he made at 15 appeared in a Scream movie, and the Transformers universe. Then, author Bridget Jones returns to read new entries from her diary. Later, TV host The Crypt Keeper stops by to talk about his audition for Tales from the Crypt. Plus, the ghost of musician Dr. John returns in search of a lawyer for a big case.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. What a prick. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Big Dirty Bob for that catchphrase submission. Big dirty Bob. Take it a break from rolling around in the mud and getting his catchphrase submissions out there. Welcome to the show.

My name is Scott Ockerman. We have a great show coming up a little later. We have an author. We also have a TV host. We also have a famous musician. Wow, this is a packed show if you are into the arts. And I wanted to say, by the way, I neglected to mention last week, it is Grads and Dad season, moms and proms, get the fuck out of here, dads and grads. But at the end of June, you know, I used to say at the end ofs, get the fuck outta here, dad's and grads, but at the end of June, you know, I used to say at the end of June, get the fuck outta here, but now that I'm a dad, I wish we were celebrated all year.

Oh, okay, I'm gonna compose myself because we need to get to our first guest. Uh, he is, uh, an award-winning actor, I'm assuming, uh, not at all. Not nominated? I think. Yeah. Yeah. You must be for a Nickelodeon thing or something. It was close.

What was it? It's Choice Award. They'll give awards to Andy. MTV Music Video, what's the other one? MTV Movie Award for Best TV Hero. Best villain, not to give spoilers for the last screen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no in the scream of verse? I mean, you were killed at the end of that one, like, but, but everyone who's killed comes back, right? Like a fast and furious averse.

Well, it was actually interesting. I got to, at the end, again, spoilers for the most recent screen. Check Quaid is here. I'm here. This is me. This is me, Jack Quaid. Um, I, I did this little thing, uh, at the end of that movie,

there's like a video of me, me, like on a big projection screen. That's actually... They always fascinates me when the villains of these things have time to set up big projections. Oh, yeah. They always do. And they always like, you know, it's like, oh, he's dead. But then, you hear the big projector start up,

and it's like, it's like, how, I mean, these guys should just go around. They should be AV guys, like, for celebrities. Well, if you're a ghost face, that means's like, I mean, these guys should just go around, they should be AV guys like for celebrities. Well, if you're a ghost face, that means that like your ghost goes into the face of a projector. Oh, that's how it works. That's how it works.

Yeah, see, it all comes back around. But like, I made this, well, I did, I made it when I was like 15. It was like a Facebook video that I sent to my friend, and I gave it to the directors, and they just repurposed it for like a serial killer's video. You made a video pretending you were in scream. No, no, no, no, no.

It was like a video, I just made dumb movies as a kid. Like just dumb, dumb movies. And this was a thing I probably like posted on my friends wall back when Facebook was like not a thing used for sharing political beliefs. I'm arguing with each other. I'm just arguing with each other. This was basically just remember the time was like not a thing used for sharing political beliefs. I'm arguing with each other. Yeah, just arguing with each other.

This was basically just, remember the time, like back in Facebook where you were just like, hey man, and you just said you sent that, and that just went to your friend's wall. Right, not everybody saw it. I guess they could if they went in the wall, but it's a weird way. But why would you ever go on someone's wall?

Why would I? I don't have a Facebook profile, so I don't know these things. Man, I haven't used mine in forever, but I technically still have one. I'm afraid that if I delete it, then my Instagram will also get deleted because I think they're linked. I believe they're linked. And I know that I got an Oculus for Christmas about a year and approximately one and one and a half years ago. Okay. Does the timing of that check out really need you to be specific.

Christmas is a holiday traditionally celebrated on December the 25th. Oh. If that gives you any sort of clue of when this was. I mean, sort of. But I got an Oculus and I turned it on and it said, by the way, in three months, to have this Oculus to use it,

you must have a Facebook account. I said, I'm out. Yeah. We're expensive gift to receive to just be like, well, I guess I can't use this anymore. It's such a such a strange thing. Yeah. Does it just shout political beliefs that you have? Just argues with you about. Do you think we'll ever wear these big wonky headsets ever? What ones that Google just announced? Yeah, they get their Apple just made these. They keep trying to get us to wear these. No.

No, I don't want it to look like I'm going skiing all the time. Yeah. Just some of the time. I want to go down to black diamonds. You know, some people have a general surfer vibe, but they don't actually surf. Some people have a general skiing vibe, but they don't actually ski.

That's me, because ever since I moved back here to California, I surf in the morning and I ski at night. And you can do both in the same day. You do, but in the same day. And it's not. It's a good. I go, I go surfing in the morning at about 5 to maybe 8 a.m. Yeah.

And then a six hour drive. Six hour drive to the mountain. Every single day. Ski for about 45 minutes. Drive back home for about five hours. I love it. I'm from here and every time I hear that, like, you can go hiking and surfing the same day.

Every time I hear that, I go like, it sounds like I worse nightmare. What lunatic. What lunatic does that? Also, you got to stop to eat at some point. It's not a calories, you're better. I don't even like to go hiking and nothing else during the same day.

Oh yeah. No, no, no, I like to go hiking and then, I just kind of pass out at the top. I don't even come down. No, no, no, I like to go hiking and then I just kind of pass out at the top. I don't even come down. Yeah, exactly. Get air, lift it down. So you made this video.

I made this video friend. Years later, I was in a screen movie. And that was, was it you acting like a killer or what? No, it was literally just me talking to the camera, like doing my best to be funny and I know I wasn't. It was me being like, Hey guys, I had to, I talked in this weird, almost cartman-esque like,

affectation. Yeah, I was like, Hey guys, what's going on? And I'm just like making like a dumb ass like video to camera. It's so embarrassing. And now it's in a movie that was like, at one point, number one of the box office. I love it. So that's that love you.

And the worst part of the story is you gave it to them. Yeah, they didn't steal it. They asked for it and I was like, yeah. They asked how did they know if they were like, if you have any home movies that we could kind of use as like, you know, Richie, your character making a fan film as a game. So that's what I don't like.

I have all of them. And this is why we're going on strike. Yeah, this is why. Because of my movie that I gave. Yeah, because your movie because it's like, they don't have the balls to write their own movie. So they're like, do you have any home movies that we can use and make our movie?

Yeah, get the fuck on, man. And even back then, I was like, I better be getting paid for this. Yeah, I mean, I was like, I better be getting residuals on this Facebook video on my friend, Phil and wall. What if you got a residual for it when you were that age and you were like, what is this for?

And then you found out years later, I'm going to be ghost face. What is ghost faith? I'm going to be a ghost in the face of a projector. That's insane. Are you ever going to be in the Fast and Furious movies? I would love to. Yeah. I would love to be in the Fast and Furious movies.

Here's what I wonder, but you know, it's funny. I did get a residual check for the Fast and Furious movies from the future. From the future. Oh my gosh. You're gonna be in it. Yeah. They have these Transformers movies where they're all turning into cars.

Yeah. What if Vin Diesel were to drive a Transformer? I mean, I would love that. Whoa. I think he'd be crushed by the, I mean, it must crunch up a human real bad when it, if a Transformer would be in the car. That's the thing, it looks like a car,

but then a human gets inside and it goes, and just everyone is just decapitated. Exactly. Also, I was thinking about this the other day, I have a legitimate transformers question, like a lore question. I don't believe I can answer because I have maybe seen the first one.

Well, as of now, you're the only person in this room. Okay, that's good. I feel like you're a very qualified person. So the transformers are aliens, theoretically, right? They're like, about aliens from another planet. Yeah, they're looking for the all spark, I think. Yeah, they're looking for something about an all spark. Optumum prime.

Optumum, et cetera. Optumus Prius, it's great. So that would be so funny if you were to turn into a Prius. With that voice. And you'd be like, oh, what do you think of my new bod? This is my new dad bod. The electric mode doesn't work so well on me.

It seems like it might work, but it won't work. You know the hum that they make when they drive? That's artificial, so that people will not get run over by. As far as I'm concerned, it could be louder. Because pre-uses are always sneaking up on me. I'm like, yeah, yeah, this, this, this, this, little sneaky pre-uses.

Like I think pre praises should be like That's funny because I think praises should be like We just lost half of the audience I think So what's your question about oh, yeah, sorry like on on their planet, right? So they can either be a robot version of themselves or like a car version of themselves So bumblebee on his planet is he just he can what is he identify as an attack helicopter But you're trying to turn into a Dodge charger on his alien planet. You know how they know what Dodge charges are? Exactly, it's like an American unplanned or branded car that exists somewhere out in the cosmos. I like it.

It's a no-sense thing. I like to think that they didn't know they could be transformers until they got to Earth. And they saw a car and they were like, man, I wish I could be one of those. And something. Oh, and they're just like, and they're like, oh my God, I can just be that car.

It's like puberty, like arriving to Earth is puberty for them. Okay, so then can they transform into any car that they see? Can they like scan it? The first car they see. It's just the first car. See, and when I'm turning puberty, you just have sex with the first woman you saw.

And that was it for the rest of your life. And that was it, that was it. And for the rest of your life, you could only have sex with that woman. I would prefer that'd be great. That would solve a lot your life. And that was it. That was it. And for the rest of your life, you could only have sex with that woman. I would prefer. That'd be great. That would solve a lot of problems. Really good.

That would be amazing. No, but they all just happened to find like really cool cars first thing. Yeah, although his earth is covered in cars. Isn't Bumblebee is he a beetle? He's a, or is he a beetle? Is he a beetle? Because beetle starts with B.

Yeah, so that makes sense. That makes sense, yeah. He's a beetle. And the sound he makes when he transforms is, look at Rome. So. So. So.

Um, Jack, you, uh, you're not only in the scream of Earth, you, uh, last time you were here, you were here because not to promote the season premiere, nor the season finale of the show, the boys. I think I just wandered in, really. You were, you were doing a mid show check in. I'm in season check. Yes, there's a mid show.

It's in check and I think it went quite well. I think everyone felt heard and that particular episode, the ratings were through the room. Oh man. Everyone's like, he's got our backs. He's checking in. And now you're back to promote a trailer. Yeah.

I'm back to promote a trailer for for a TV show that you're not in. Yeah. You're in one episode. I'm in an episode of a television show that you're not in. Yeah, you're in one episode. I'm in an episode of a television show. And you're here to promote it. I'm here to promote it. So typically I'm here with Tony Newsom. She is not here with me today, but we are both in it. We're in an animated Star Trek show called Star Tune Cartoon.

Star Tune Cartoon, yeah, Star, start track, uh, tiny desk, start track, tiny desk. Um, and, uh, we play characters in that and they let you just pointed at your body for some reason. I did. Why, why was it? You were, and I play characters and I play character. I want you to know that when I'm talking about a character that I play,

that my body is inhabiting that character. I mean, these days with AI, it's like you want to understand. Like, that's why we're striking. That's why we're striking. This is why we're striking. It's human performance. That's right. I play a character. I know no one can see me, but just.

I like to think that they can hear it in your emphasis. Oh yeah. Listen to the gesture. Yes. So you play, you both play animated characters in this Star Trek show, which leads me to wonder, do they know they're animated? I don't think they do.

Do they ever see the person with the pencil and drawing them? I think if they did, it would destroy them mentally. And I don't want that for them. Okay, good. But I think if we should do on that animated show, Skrartoon, Flartoon, we should do an episode animated show, Skrartoon, Flartoon. Yes.

We should do like an episode where they like meet their maker and it's just like the show runner Mike McMahon and it's just like, hey guys. Or Gene Roddenberry. It's gonna be great to get him back. Yeah, yeah. Again though, it's gotta be a person. It can't be AI.

This is why I was driving. Oh, that's right, that's right. It can't be, we can't bring him back. So you play an animated character in Tony is the, she's not the captain of the ship because her mother's the captain She's an ensign. We're both ensign. We're both on the lower deck. You play a guy named Oh, yeah, I really what who is who is this guy again? I think every time I've been here You've said the name of the character incorrectly. What have I said before you said?

You said I think you said blimer. I think you said slimer. It sounds like a slimer. Is it onion head slimer? Yeah, so my name is onion head slimer. Ensign. Ensign onion head slimer. On your head slimer. And yeah, it's a lowly ensign.

And somehow we're going to the captain pike and Spock era of like 2260. We're going back, we're going back, and we're going into live action. And, because you're, you're, you're set in the, in 22, was it 2380? 2380, and then if Tony was here, she'd be like, I know he knows all this kind of stuff.

But because, because the, the current Star Trek shows that are on, no, that's all different. They're all different. Anyway, but you're in the future, you go, you go back in time. Well, that's all different. They're all different. Anyway, but you go back in time. Well, I don't even want to say you can't talk. I could be holiday. It could be dimension. But I've seen you in this trailer. You're an approximately three little bits of it. Three seconds of it. Yeah. Three seconds of it. And you hear to promote it. Yeah.

The trailer. It's a great trailer. It is. It's been on YouTube for quite a bit. How many views? Check out our man. Yeah, it's great trailer. It's a great trailer. It's been on YouTube for quite a bit. How many views? Check out the trailer. Oh, man. Do we want to look it up? Check it out. Let's look it up. Star Trek Strange.

New World Season 2 trailer. How we doing, Scott? How we doing? Okay. Let's see. Oh, man, we're just playing the trailer. Yeah. It's amazing.

I made it. Oh, what? No. Oh, 4.4 million. I made it. Oh, what? No, oh 4.4 million. Oh shit. That's way more than I thought it's Okay, you're at the end. Let me skip to the end. Oh God. Do I have to hear myself? Yeah, here we go. Oh here we go Live long and prosper Mr. More than I Live long and prosper Mr. Boyle. Hi, I'll you go also live and How do you also live and see that was me and this is me?

Yeah, I get this now. I understand you got a gesture. So Tony was saying that you, that's you you're in the Energizer room and you did a bunch of takes, right? That was there was one take where I said He says live long and prosper mr. Boymler, and I said live. Yeah, you live live all the time and That was actually my favorite But I'm very happy that Tony is spreading the word you might have looked into the camera on that

I think I might have just to just to completely screw myself the word. You might have looked into the camera on that day. I think I might have just to just to completely screw myself. I might have. Have you ever done that? But has anyone early? Because you've been an actor, you're you're you're goofing around with your friends when you were in high school. But then you became an actor pretty young. Did anyone ever take you aside and say, check, you're looking into the camera all the time. I'm sure they wanted to because I'm pretty sure

I got like scared of the camera. This is real. Like in the very beginning of my career, I would like look anywhere but the camera. But you have to be looking slightly towards it or else no one knows you're in the mirror. You might get hit with it. It's scary. It's big. It's heavy.

It might be a monster. It might be. And here's the thing. I've never really checked if it is a monster or not. That's right. We're not allowed to touch them, so they could be living sentient monsters. They could be living sentient monsters

that steal your soul if you looked into them. They talk about, they're like union rules, you can't touch the camera, I bet they're alive. I bet they're alive. I bet they're alive. I bet if you opened them up, you'd see some guts. You'd see some guts, you'd see some man. I'd love to be all up in those guts.

I'd love to be all up in them. I mean, that's what every film's doing. I want to be up in them. Damn, we're guts. So this is, you know, when it, wait, I mean, what's going on with the stuff? What's going on with the show? I mean, when is it, what's what's happening? So what can you tell us? Oh, man, with the with the trailer. Yeah. Well, it's the show, the show is on, I think this week or something. Yeah, the premier with the trailer. Yeah. Well, the show is on, I think, this week or something, right? I think premier is really soon. I know that we're not the first episode. I think we're one of the last.

So I'm trying not to spoil most things. But this is very exciting because we love your other show. It's very fun. And this is our first opportunity, I guess, to see you in live action form. Yeah. Do you ever think like, because the original Star Trek was a cartoon and it was live action? It started as live action then it became a cartoon.

Yes, we did have the animated series. Sorry, I thought you were like, it was a Roger Rabbit when we all know this. McCoy was CGI. You, we all remember Spock's famous line, Damn Toons. But did you ever think that, you know, okay, we'll do the cartoon for a little while, but then we get to do the live action. There's another thing.

I honestly never thought this would be a possibility. And that was such an interesting challenge to be a live action cartoon. Because you have like purple hair in the regular one, right? In the animated show, I have purple hair and I have a purple, uh, we're in a purple wig. In the, oh, you're a live action. Yeah, it's, it's like subtle. It's like a darker purple because we didn't want it to, it looks kind of, we had a lighter purple wig, but it just looked like I was an anime character come to life,

and I didn't really quite work. I'm always not that about you. Yeah, yeah, I'm an anime character come to life. I'm always going, I'm always doing that. That's not my Tesla mix when I boots up. Uh, but no, it was crazy. The weirdest part though was when I didn't have the wig on and so my eyebrows they had to kind of color purple every day.

And the weird thing was yeah, yes, that is a film and play. Is it a play as well? It's a it was a play and now it's going to be a film. It's a film that they should fill that play yet again coming this Christmas. Fantastic. But the weirdest part was like starring Fantasia Burino. You know a lot about this upcoming color purple. I'm looking forward Christmas, fantastic. But the weirdest part was like- Starring Fantasia Burino. You know a lot about this upcoming color purple. I'm looking forward to it too.

That's amazing. No, just having like purple eyebrows with my normal hair, I just looked like, I looked like Goth Me. And it was just, I wasn't used to say, I don't feel like I give off a Goth. Do you think if they knew that you were gonna do this live-action episode episode would they have reconsidered

the whole purple part of it and just had it look just like you? Cause Tony looks kind of very similar to herself, her animated character. Yeah, but she doesn't wear rolled up sleeves a lot in real life, so they're all that's a big difference. Yeah, that's a huge difference. That was huge. That was like a big change for her.

She felt a little weird about it. So really, so filming the live action one, she had exposed forums. I mean, it was like it was hours in that makeup chair just getting those sleeves to roll up It was in the makeup in the makeup chair. Yeah, were they trying to paint over them with it was just well That's actually colored part of her skin that she had to painstakingly roll up every day They can use a transformer. She's a transformer. She's like mystique like where like she's wearing clothes But it's all just skin. Yeah, yeah, you know I'm talking about it. Yeah, it's use a transformer. She's a transformer. She's like mystique, like where, like, she's wearing clothes, but it's all just skin. Yeah, yeah.

I know what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's a skin clothes. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is exciting. The trailer's out now, 4.4 million views. Let's make it 4.41. Yeah, let's get it. Let's see the Bump, baby.

Let's do it. Looking forward to this, we need to go to our next guest, Jack Quaid is with us. Yeah, I am. She is an author. She's been on the show before Please welcome back to the show Bridget Jones What's up? Hey, I So good to meet you great to meet you big fan Jack Quaid you yes, Bridget Jones

Well, but mad famous. Yeah, I don't know if I'm as famous as you you're pretty damn famous. I'm pretty famous, yeah, I'm like, mad well known, so. Yeah, you're already mad well known. You're known for your, you're a diarist, you're, you have famous, are you famous or your diaries famous? I'm not quite sure. Yeah, I'm sure. Because the, the, the movie title is Bridget Jones, I'm like, oh, I'm going to get to, and then it's Bridget Jones' diary. I'm like, what, I'm going to watch a movie about a book.

Yeah, you are. And she's like, it's okay. And she's like, it's okay. And she's like, it's okay. And she's like, it's okay. And she's like, it's okay. And she'm like, oh, I'm gonna get to it and then it's Bridget Jones's diary. I'm like, well, I'm gonna watch a movie about a book. Yeah, you are. And she means that, good. The camera's just like focused on a book that doesn't move for two hours. It's like, what's going on?

Okay, yeah. Well, actually, my story is pretty apt to the Hollywood, all the stuff happening in Hollywood right now. Oh, yeah. How so? Well, basically, they took me diary, these Hollywood execs, and they made the movie with Wizzel Wiggas Renee and Hogg Grunk and Colin Fart, and they made mad monies, and they left me with fucking nothing. So now, 20 something years later, I'm trying to get me new diary into a, be made into a movie. Perfectly encapsulates your previous appearances.

Yeah, okay. Good. I enjoyed that. I love to a good start, yeah. Because a lot of people come back on the show and they don't remember, you know, they just barrel right through. And we don't remind people enough of what they're doing.

So yes, you were taken advantage of by the Hollywood system. You're now writing new diaries trying to... New entries every day. That's right. How many entries per diary is it? How many? Oh, two, three. Just two or three. Okay.

I'll go through them so quick. That's a, like a, so wait, are you telling me that, because like a diary is like a lot of pages. Are you saying that you only go through, what is one entry, like how many pages is one entry? One eight, you know, is paragraph something like that? It's okay, so you filled up like, probably max three pages with three troll paragraphs.

And then I keep it in a little box, in a little tiny cupboard. Why not, why not write into the other 180 or so pages? Don't worry about it. I have my own system, Yeah, this is how I keep up with the filing system Okay, because I can only imagine like a new that new diary smell Oh, the new diary smell So good it just must give you inspiration to keep going absolutely Yeah, it just flows out to me really like every day. I'm just pouring those morning pages. Did you read the artist way?

The the artist's where you know, I have no, I've not my girlfriend's currently reading it and I've gotten some of your current girlfriend My current girlfriend is currently she currently reading So for her. Yeah, so currently she's reading right now as we speak she can text and still reading That's awesome people don't read enough these days. Everybody watches the telly, watches the, you know, Netflix, the comedy bank, big book in stores now. Uh, and you, uh, uh, what about the artist's way? They talk about morning pages. And every day you write the morning pages, the morning pages, it says, get it all out, get all that insecurities, out your body, then you're mad ready to create.

Okay, I tried the morning pages for like a second and I realized that I was doing it on my notes, like app, you know, and they were just apologizes for the day before. Yeah, it's just, I'm so sorry. So sorry, I was so awkward. I was so awkward to me. But you mad at me.

No, I'm not. Oh, sorry, that, that seems so honest. I was like, I'm not mad at you. I was pretty good. No, but there not. Oh, sorry. That seemed so honest. I was like, I'm not mad at you. I was pretty good. No, but there's no page. There's no line that separates the pages. I was just like, I was going forever.

That's the problem that the old Egyptians had with the scrolls. They would just like keep going and going. Like, what is sending? So long, when did? Yeah, but this is not a problem for Bridget Jones you have new diaries and the in your previous appearances You have read some of the diary and yes, are you here to do that again? Yeah, I'm trying to get the word out You know, I'm hearing a late temporarily Go into the right a strike hanging out making connections

It seems like everyone's doing it seems like a lot of the actors and people going to these strikes is very Performed I've met mad people they know Bob Odin Kirk is gonna be out there I see I saw I saw Lauren Susie you're just looking at names on the table right now. Okay, see Faye. Okay, I love it see sit-off row I'm also mad people there making mad friends. Oh, man, but obviously I need to pay the bills So I've been working odd jobs in between two you know in Britain here

Two places. What if you what are the odd jobs even working? How odd? So two places. What are the odd jobs even working? How odd. So odd. I work for love Island for that. Oh wow. We're obviously not a contestant, but what? Obviously. Oh, just aesthetically. What are you looking about right now? It seems like every time women are here, you make them mad ugly and small ugly Just certain way There's one thing I've learned as a man never say you're obviously not a contest Does he ever comment on your appearance when you're on your off mic? Off mic but on mic

I usually try to nag him before he gets on the show Really take him down As I was parking he texted me you're out that fucking sucks You are wearing a pink I'm wearing a very bright obnoxious pink. It's Barbie. I like it. It's Barbie pink, but it's for the band gorillas Yeah, exactly Wow, I didn't know they were Barbies. That's awesome. You didn't know there were Barbies. No, I did know gorillas was Bobby I mean it might as well be is a jack is it because you're on a cartoon

You only like things that are cartoons because gorillas are the only band that are cartoons Yeah, that's uh that's the that's the bill you make when you sign the contract You can only like animated things So are you gonna uh oh yeah you're on love island. What are you doing? Well I have changed the sheets. You've changed the sheets. The sheets get so dirty on the show. They get fucking filthy. What's the most traditional cause of the filthy sheets? Come.

Yeah. I didn't want to guess, but yeah. Crunchy sheets. Madhawd. But also, you know, like, Drew. Drew? What? What do you say?

Drew? Drew? Drewrew-o? Drew-o? Drew-o-o? Drew-o-o? Okay, got it. I said, Drew. I did not know why. You tried to get me cancer. I mean, I did come here to get you cancer.

Typical of a man like both of you. That is true. I work for Big Ben big Big Ben the clock the tiny man in the clock. Oh wow. I was just in the UK I didn't realize that there was a tiny man in that clock. Yeah, he's big Ben big Ben is a tiny guy in the clock. Oh, it's an ironic name. Yes. Oh What is he doing there? He winds it up and how long to go is it like lost where it's every what is it 49 minutes or something? Yeah, something like that Oh, I'm lost.

Did you read that article about him recently? I was lost. Oh, how was the terrible set to work on? I haven't been reading. I've been writing. You've been writing, yes. When you're a writer, you can't read. Do you ever read what you've just written? Or do you avoid that? I don't even know like I brought entries today haven't even read them

It just flows out do we want to get to these tired? Let's pull them up. Yeah, let me open me die. Yeah, I These pages so many so many pages so when you pages so many pages so when you get here. I have a hair is blown back. As a twister, it's an LA twister. Okay, ready? I would love to see you in the sequel to Twister.

Have you auditioned for that yet? I auditioned to be the tornado. Yeah, I did go. I didn't go great. I went with a weird noise. Oh, which noise? It was, um, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Oh, which noise it was

Yeah, I know I was like a Prius back enough. Yeah, it was just like the Everyone's gonna come in there and go I know I want to do the OG take. Yeah, yeah, yeah What would yours be? What would you take on the tornado be? I like that's like a happy tornado Do do what about you? Well, you read these things. But you don't want me to keep talking to you, okay? I guess I'll be reading this. I was trying to fill up time while you...

And then you turned it into a segment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Okay. Diddawa. S. Me. With your youngs. It was a typical English morning. Woke up to the sounds of rats screaming. Got myself a new job at the local swimming holy, wore me self a tiny keeney and showed off me cleavey beanie. When all of a sudden a kid be choking on

war war like a little fucking bitch. He was dying on me just like Princess Diana. Then, eh eh me. Clearly this kid was obsessed with me and wanted to plug me poopy puggy. But then again, it wouldn't love bitch. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's so you saved someone's life because we never got to that part of it. You just were observing the person, made some, something's about them. Yeah, he was, well, somebody else was there giving him Heimlich or whatever,

saving his life and all that. But in the meantime, I'm like, wow, he's really trying to get me attention. Yeah, wow. I like how he's famous maneuvers. So, he's seven things. So, I was very, it was very nice for, you know, it was great. Oh, thank you. It's just like, it's a pretty harrowing story and then, you know, it was great.

Oh, thank you. It's just like, it's a pretty harrowing story and then, like, love, love Bridget. Yeah, love Bridget. Yeah, love Bridget. Like, to the point, like, I'm not trying to dance around it, you know. And you're saying that was just a paragraph?

That was, yeah, that was just, if you could believe it, it felt like 20 pages. No, I mean, I thought you were wasting Moleskin's earlier, but this is good. This is good. No, those are mad good. This is good. No, those are mad expensive. They've never waste.

Do you have a second entry that you can use? Yeah, you want me to keep going. Yeah, I'd love for you to keep going. Wow. For approximately one more until we take a break. I love being positive with you. Yeah. I love it.

Did I? It's me. COVID positive. Bridget Jones. It was a difficult English morning woke up to the sounds of pigs fucking. Got me some of the new job at the local pub wiping up spilling drinkies with me from upbeat titties. We're not all of a sudden and man be having a heart attack like a little fucking asshole.

He was dying on me just like the queen dead when she died. Then, eh, eh, me. Clearly this man was obsessed with me and wanted to peeky me blinders and dunk me chunky, dunk me. Then again, who wouldn't love it? Hmm, very, very similar. I mean, I'm structure, yeah. Well, you mean similar stuff?

It's almost like a plug in the gaps kind of. I have a question. Yeah. What does it mean? It mean? It hit me. It hit me. Oh, okay.

It's the dialect. You're from... From the thing, right? Oh, right, yes. Oh, yeah. Well, these are great. These are fast now. I don't, I mean, two distinct scenes in a movie.

I mean, I bet you would love to play a character like this character. Dad, who would you love to play? The fucking bitch that died. The little kid that almost died. Oh, man. Can I still pull off a little kid? You can still do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You still look pretty good. I feel like the little kid spoke more to me. I don't know why I was like, oh, yeah, you still look pretty like the I feel like I feel like the little kid I'd spoke more to me I don't know why I was like okay. Yeah, I couldn't have it that gesture character. Yeah, I think that's good Yeah, you know, we could do something to where everyone else in the cast wears like like platform shoes Yeah, like a Clifford situation Yeah, they look mad tall around you Yeah, it could be seven to 70 severals like all the platform shoes But God then I can have my sideburns stuff

You ever see this takes me a place at in the 70s. Oh, man. I would love that I would know which one would uh, would fit best in the 70 measure for measure absolutely I bet I know someone who's in that I did It's funny. They do so much blow in measure for measure. Oh, yeah The nice love They do so much blow and measure for measure. Oh, yeah. They're nice. They're nice. Oh, they love blow. Bridget, I want to hear more from this, but we need to take a break. We're coming up. We're going to do a different break.

So do you have, but you have some more entry? I'll show you more. Yeah. OK, great. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Jack Quay. We're going to have more with Bridget Jones. We also have a TV host and a famous musician.

This is a packed show. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back Jack Quaid in three seconds of a trailer for Star Trek Strange New Worlds, which is out this week, except his episode is not. My episode is not the show is out. Yeah, I think my episode's like one of the last ones. So this is like an early one. So you're suggesting people do not watch yet. I say, just don't watch it.

Just don't watch it. You've already basically heard me talk about it. We do, like the trailer's got a 4.4 million views. So it'd be a 4.5. Do you think 4.4 million people watch the episodes? Uh, probably not. Yeah, when the trailers get so many views in views. That's good. That's good. Do you think 4.4 million people watch the episodes? Uh, probably not. Is that weird?

Yeah, when the trailers get so many views and then like 13 people watch the film. Keep watching, I mean, keep watching them and watching those trailers, you know. That's true. But the show, I don't know, just having an episode on the loop. I don't know how to do that. Well, shows are too long.

You know what I mean? Like, shows should be trailers and trailers should be TikToks. And TikToks shouldn't exist. Yeah, honestly, if you just made the trailer like two hours long, I'm sure 4.4 million people would still watch that. Just call it a trailer. No, make the trailer two hours long, make the show three minutes long,

4.4 million people watch the show and then no one will watch the trailer. That's fine. We saw it all the time. We did. We saw it all the time. All right, well, I and then no one will watch the trailer. That's fine. This we saw more than we did we saw Hollywood. All right. Well, I guess we'll call off the strike then. We have the power to do that anyway. Do anyone to any people agree to people who are in like a war game situation. We both have a key and we turn it all We have to say is hey, we're in the industry. Break out your key, man Let's end this thing speaking to the industry. Break out your key, man. Let's end this thing.

Speaking of the industry, we also have Bridget Jones, who's named... Please don't call up the strike. Please, I mean mad people. I mean... Who else have you been named? Carl Tarte, Paul out Tom Kane. Uh, who else?

Uh, Jack of the British man. I've been named... Everyone's blown up me phone right now will hide speed text me wow incredible stars wow You have more entries in your diary. I have to take a break but but Promise that we were gonna read some more what did you really want to I really did yeah Definitely one most I could give you one more right now. One more. Alright.

Okay. It's me, Bridget Jones, from Bridget Jones' genre. It was a typical English morning, well, cut to the sounds of orphans dying. Got me some new job at Buckingham Palace, waking up King Chorros for brecky, dry toast and a side of stinky dick. When all of a sudden Chug began to choke on his stinky dick, like a little fucking idiot, he was dying on me just like JK Rowling should have died after she wrote Harry Potter. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background.

I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background.

I'd like to see you in the background. I'd like to see you in the background. of mad lives, and you're just feeling honestly, I'd buy that book of mad lives. Did the entries sound the same? Yeah, look, structurally. They follow some little. They follow some little. Yeah.

Yeah, but I mean, then again, TV shows do, if you ever watch Family Matters, which I don't believe I have. I was thinking about Family Matters every single time that I heard those. These are the Family Matters of Diaries. Same tone. Same exact tone. Family matters every single time that I heard those. Yeah, these are the family matters of diary same tone Yeah, exactly Town you know how that that cop from die hard. He was the dad on that right. Oh, yeah

He would always whip out his flippy disby Oh, yeah, it's donkey donkey. Don't you don't get Classic catchphrase. Well, these are great bridge. I hope that you can make them into a movie. Yeah, I mean King Charles boy Yeah, do you think he'd start a movie? I mean look I he's famous like I got you ready. Yeah, he dead What he's dead he died when we choked on his dick. Oh So I'm just like a buddy double working Oh, I got to talk to Byron about this I was the second week in a row that we talked about stuff that Byron Denson would have an opinion on I was in the UK for the coronation

You're telling me that whole time that guy was a body a body double. Yeah Adam driver that was out of what he's so good. He's so good. He's so good. He can do anything. He's he marriage story. Yeah Yeah, yeah, love that. Yeah, man He's good. Did he play the the Scarlett Johansson part two? He did. Yeah, he's so good. And he played the kid Whoa, oh so I can do it. I Can pull it off and he played the wall there. He slaps I was about to say the wall was great Namely was unforgettable song hero of that song the wall the slapping wall better than the movie the wall

I don't know that did in the wall that Trump built Okay, I didn't realize you I love that wall Better than realize you're in English The wall pink Floyd wall That wall oh, I. That one that wall. Oh, I didn't know that well. Oh, really? You don't know from the movie the wall.

Oh, okay. I understand. Same wall. Same wall. You're in the movie at the island. You better be escalating. Yeah, I thought I was escalating. It turns out we're right exactly in the place.

Well, speaking of escalating, we need to get to our next guest. Oh, man. He is a TV host. We've all seen him on our TV screens over the years. What else needs to be said about him? It's his first time on the show. This is exciting. We've had Conan O'Brien who's a TV host on the show before.

He's a host, he's a TV show, but this is one of the best. Please welcome the Cryptkeeper. Yeah. Yeah. Hello boys and dudes. Hi crypt keeper. Hi scared Bridget bones Hex laid. I love it. I love it. That's you got two of them. I got two both of mine

Wow incredible a crypt keeper. It's I'm a big big fan. You got two of them. I got two both of mine. Wow. Incredible. A crypt keeper. It's I'm a big, big fan. You are, of course, the host of tails from the grip, tails from the cr, and who better to tell us these tails than the actual crypt keeper itself. That's right. Don't mind me. I was just having dinner. Oh, okay. What? Wait, can I ask you a minute? You were having dinner. Were you just over there having dinner the whole time? Yeah.

Okay. Is that what I was smelling? I've been here since the beginning. Oh, okay. But I've been having dinner. We were just wrapped up. Oh. You what?

He's also eating a wrap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrap like a mummy. Yeah, yeah wrap like a mummy I'm picking up what you put in that grip. You don't only make puns about a Ghoulish things and and killing to stuff you also make puns about your food Well, it's great. It's so great to meet you. It's I mean, I'm a great big fan. Meet you, dude.

Oh, I know that's about. That's fake. He was a steak wrap. Yeah. What? Like a fah-ee-ah or just a full blown steak wrapped in a T-heater. It was a vagina. Yes.

A steak wrap could also be called a vagina. That's what they call them in the UK, right Bridget? That's right, yeah, we forgot about those things. Yeah, vaginas. Because the C word, which is terrible here, you guys call each other that other. What is that word? Tell me, I didn't ever hear it before. I don't like to say it to a woman.

Please, please. Alright, can't. Oh my God. I didn't ever hit it before. I don't like to say a dual woman. Please, please. All right, Kant. Oh my God. No, the seawort is contestant on Love Island. Yes, Hunter. Oh, yeah. Those are mad Kant's.

Yeah. I'm a huge huge fan, Cryptkeeper. You hosted that show for so many years. You're five. You also just give information in that voice, which I love. He is good. A little bit about me. Oh, you want to know more? I want to know more. Yeah, tell us, I mean, how did you get the job? Were you in a crypt? Or did you, or were you just a normal actor who auditioned? I was a normal actor who auditioned. But on the way to the audition, I died. Oh, that must happen all the time.

I was rushing. Oh, you see, it was the 90s. I had to get my sides from a printing company. I remember those days. Do we look in the Thomas guy? Of where to go? Yes, I had a big map in front of my windshield. Yes, I remember these things.

And I crashed off of the one den for you. Oh, terrible. This must happen like every audition for every part, at least one actor dies on the way there. I've imagined. I mean, it used to happen all the time, I assume. Yeah, that's why I don't go to auditions anymore. I'm off for only because I don't like them odds.

How many offers you got lately All auditions are self-tape Right they be filming in their houses getting in in fights with loved ones. Yeah, exactly They're stacking the camera on shoe boxes How many couples of divorce because of self tapes? It has to be at least 50% of all. Yeah, 50% of all marriages, in-10 sweatpants.

Okay, Whitney. So Whitney Cummings joke, I gotta say, you can make anything sound creepy. I mean, a self tape is now terrifying. It also sounds sexy. Yeah, it sounds so funny. I sound like some mantha from sex of the city. I turned on and terrified every time you speak It's wonderful Samantha from sex in the city Say say I love she was in mannequin. She wasn't an police academy

Didn't see that I thought you said Benniggans out of me. Didn't see that. I thought you said Benniggins. We've all been in Benniggins. I mean, I love Benniggins. You think Kim controls every Benniggins. She has to have been in a Benniggins. At least he is a toy there. Yeah. To let out her boobs, say pee. You say things like their puns, but now you're not doing any puns. You started so hot at the beginning, and now you... Prop to me. Well, look, you auditioned, you got, so you came back to life, or no, you didn't come back to life, you were dead,

but you got to the audition. Yes, I was late. And we're the parts. You were late because you died. Yeah. Okay, we're the puns, your idea, were they? It's just how I talked, Scott. So if the first two minutes. Did you talk this way before you died? Yeah, oh, okay, I don't exactly like this

So were you kind of into spooky things and being creepier? Absolutely not. Oh, okay, so your interest changed after you died. Yeah, I was a sports guy. I was a way to So your interest changed after you died. Were you a sports guy? I was a waiter. You were a waiter, oh, okay. Where were were were. Yeah, where? And famous Hollywood restaurant.

The Brown Derby. The Brown Derby, where they would do all the cartoons of everyone and everything. Sure. Do you ever have a cartoon made of you? Yes. I only can see things in animation. It's cartoon, so I love cartoons. I'm a little cartoon boy. So.

Was it hard to get reservation? Absolutely. Especially when I was working there. Why? Usually the waiters have no control over that. I was bad at answering the phone. Oh. I was the matredee. Oh. So you were a wait and matredee and a waiter. Yeah. You were busy. Yes. Two shifts. Okay. That's why you were a witt nature D and a witt. Yeah, you were busy. Yes, two ships. Okay, that's why you were Oh, double shifts every day. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you do them simultaneously, you get paid twice, but you you take up the exact same eight hours. Exactly. Now, where are you from originally me? Yeah. Who do you think we're talking to grip keeper? Like where does this voice come from? Columbus, Ohio. Oh, okay.

and do grip keeper. Like where does this voice come from? Columbus Ohio. Oh, okay. You also sound like Prince when he's doing a character. You know, like in the bridge of some of the songs, he's like doing a more stay kind of thing. Prince is also dead. That's right.

Oh yeah. Yeah. God, I wish he were auditioning for things. This is why we're striking. It would be weird if we want print. Wait, we don't want AI prints. We want dead prints, that didn't show like CSI.

Now, do you know how you came back from the dead? Yeah. Ah. You also sound like Jackay. Ooh. From 227? Mary. Ah.

Ah. Jacky from two to heaven. Okay, yeah. Where did people go? It's kind of creepy. Is heaven spooky? I guess. I mean, it is. It's filled with dead people.

So yeah, it's probably. I bet it's spooky as how. Is it spooky up there? Yes, it is. Did you go to heaven? Did you go to hell? But they kicked me out. Oh no, why?

Because I asked to be released for my audition. Oh yeah. So it's like constantly asking your manager the way you go up to. And I booked the part. Woo! Is that a Bible? What was that?

Yeah, what was that one? I've been following every single one somehow, and that one was, I think the book, the good book is the Bible. The Bible. You decide. Those aren't good puns when it's the listener asked to decide. Prompt me.

I don't know how to prompt you. Okay, you're on a boat, and there's a title way of coming for the boat, go. Ooh, a title wave Why did you say prompt me when you can't do it? You're quick Added new Oh a title wave Looks like this boat will be capsized

That's exactly what that's not a pun Okay Okay, you didn't let me finish. Oh, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Please start over from the beginning now. And please say you're finished when you're finished. It's like saying over on a walkie-talk. Thank you. Ooh. I get the beginning.

It's like you heard them sound. Ooh. It's not a way. Yeah. It's like we'll be capsizing. I'm not interrupting you. He hasn't said he's finished. I have. But side note, have you ever seen Poseidon adventures? Is this the animated spin-off of Poseidon the Poseidon adventure? Yeah, it's like the Gremlins the Mount Glow legend of the Malkwar. Yes, you're a cartoon boy. I'm a cartoon boy.

Cartoon boy. Are you done? Are you done? Are you done? Because I haven't heard his pun yet. Not yet. Okay. I love you, you repeat it again.

You have to start it from the beginning. We can interrupt you, I'm sorry. Ooh. I love you repeat it again Looks like we'll be capsizing There's got to be a morning after Poseidon Like put died in okay But like put died in okay That was my good writing He's done. Oh, sorry. Oh, you did okay. See I thought the part about have you seen the Poseidon Advantages was part of it. No, I said side note that was a side note. Oh side note. Okay. He did Poseidon note

That's what I was thinking. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't work Okay, you know as you're so snooty. He's right. He's right. He's the expert. Worth the wait. Think time. Really good.

Really good. Really. Would you ever consider reading one of her diary entries with your amazing voice? Absolutely. I mean, I think I'd love to not to take anything away from your diary entries. I can even punish up.

Okay, so if you see an opportunity for a pun. So the way that I write is like mad lives, yeah. Yeah, let's see. Dear die, Auree. Oh, that is great. That is great. Start not hot, I love it. It's me, Bridget Bow.

Oh, great. Yeah. It was a typical English morning. Oh, yeah. Morning was a typical English morning. Oh, yeah. And morning because people are dead with you. With you with the year. Woke up to the sound of rat screaming. Nothing changed.

Yeah, it's fine as is. Stet, got myself a new job at the local swimming only holy holy holy holy holy well it's weird when you play with religion like yeah I mean I realized that the religious imagery is right you go with like exorcism when I hear like anything warm yourself a tiny key to show off my cleavie baby. Nothing, Jason. Nothing, Jason. I get it. When all of a sudden, a kid be choking on Wawa like a little fucking bitch. Now you're just reading. You see, okay, he was dying. Okay, okay, you're just emphasizing words that already exist. Here's my issue, Cryptkeeper. You start so hot with two out of the gate and then Princess die.

There we go. I'm a turk. But I literally gave it to you. Hit me. You're just reading. Just general violence. It's just no pun with it. He points you in at himself like hit me.

Clearly the kid was obsessed with me and wanted to plug my poopy puggy. You're just reading the things, but again. Yeah. What did? Okay. Then you emphasized a word that didn't even have any kind of connotation.

Like what? Like you would hit somebody with a two-butt. If you were to Like, if you were to hit somebody with a two by four. If you were to hit, how many people have hit someone with a two by four? No, that's a good pun. I give it up for that one. So it's gone from spookiness to just kind of general violence. What?

It's still spooky. Yeah, okay. I guess it's spooky. There we go. Yeah, I got our back. That is spooky. Woo. I got to goose bumps. Have you, I have to, I mean, you were so good on that show. Have you ever auditioned for any other part? Like, I know they're looking for Superman now, you know?

I was in Superman, the, I auditioned for Dean's part. Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, hello. The lowest in Clark show. Lowest in Clark. Hmm, which is a pun of Lewis in Clark. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. Dane's part Dean Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean. Hello. The lowest in Clark show. Lowest in Clark. Hmm. The which is a pun of Lewis in Clark.

Yes. Whoa. I never thought about it that way. I don't think it is. I don't think it is. Um, so uh, you was a pun of William and Mary. Mary from 2 to 7. We did a pun from, um, um, Mary and, uh, what is it?

That band Joseph. Yeah. What? The three. The three people marry. Peter Paul and Mary. Peter Paul Mary. Yeah. Yeah. They're an American band. You can be excused for not knowing exactly. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. My brain like died. Yeah. Which is a pun on your brain died.

He died. It, which is the pun on your brain died It died it so different colors, which is the pun on Roger Waters the wall. That's right. Yes. So you so you have a plate on saved by the bell the new class Oh, who are you? I was a hotel concierge Cuz we just no longer with us unfortunately, oh telly Because Chris is no longer with us unfortunately. Oh, Teddy, Terry. Oh, tell Conceys. Okay. He's back. He's back.

Yeah. Wow. Well, look, Cryptkeeper, we love you. I don't think you learned anything about you other than how you auditioned for that part. A little bit about me. Oh, okay. When I left Columbus, I got accepted to the Ohio State University, but I chose to go to the University of Michigan.

Oh, great theater program that I've heard. That is spooky. That's pretty, that's pretty spooky. Well all of that training paid off, I mean obviously because you're one of our great hosts. We love you. I assume you had writers on the show. This is why we're striking. Oh, up the top of the dough.

How many takes would they have to do? Because you usually start very, very strong and run as the... They just roll. They just roll. They do sequence. It's a lot of unbroken takes, too. That's pretty impressive.

I mean, he needs a camera on him, you know? Yeah, yeah. Too scary. All right, we need to camera on him, you know? Yeah, yeah, too scary. All right, we need to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have, this is exciting, Jack, I know you have to leave, right? Yeah, I gotta go, I gotta go, to get massive shit. Oh, okay, cool, yeah, yeah.

Well, when we come back, we're gonna have the massive shit. We're not gonna have a massive shit, but we're just repeating what we're saying. A ducky pucky. There we go, there we go. See, that had we're saying. I do keep. There we go. There we go. That had a spin on. That's right.

There we go. When we come back, we're going to have a huge musician on the show. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back. Jack Quaid is here of, oh, that you're in the show, Doug Boyz as well. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in the show of the boys Boys, as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in the show, The Boys. Dumb Boys. Yeah, it's a Chicago-based superhero show. And what, what's going on with it? Well, you know, we just shot the fourth season.

You didn't shoot a lot like Marley shot that famous sheriff. It's exactly like that song. That's the thing. That's what we all said every day. We were like, I shot the scavenger. Oh, okay. All right.

Top of the segment, no problem. Oh my God. That was incredible. So is it cut? When do we get to see it on our small screens? You get to see it on your teeny tiny screens. I actually don't know. I do always say this.

Well, no, I generally don't know. Make some news here. There's a writer's strike. Is it so bad that you would, you would say it on this incredibly popular podcast? I think the, the Amazon, people in Amazon would love to get the kind of promotion. I mean, do you want me to just guess? Yes. Because we got, let me, let me guess.

Okay. You guess. And if I get it right, then, then, then, then I have to go and take a massive show. Yeah, okay, that's right. Okay, you're leaving. No, no, it's fine. I've been, I've been holding it in for, I mean, a lot of people don't know this.

During the break from your four hours long. Yeah, sorry, but, so I, I don't know. But, all right. Yeah, I'll talk about the boys. I'll talk about the boys. December 25th. Yeah. Okay, gotta go.

I got to go take that message. All right, Jack Quaid. It's a Christmas show. Goodbye, everyone. Great to have you on. We also have Bridget Jones here. Yeah. Yeah.

What's up? What's up? I'm getting mad text right now. Oh, from here. Like, why aren't you on the line? Get back on the line. Got one from Drew Tava right here. Wow. Wow. Sac and C. Wow. Sack, incredible.

Bondsteen. Yeah, incredible. Stars that you can. Tim Bolt, Mark McConnell. McConnell, yeah, incredible. We also have the crypt keepers here with us. Wait, I'd like to get a drink of water. Oh, yeah, please do, because we have a...

Oh, okay, much do because we have a Okay much better we also we have a guest. I think that is germane to your interests Cryptkeeper because he's been on the show once before and he is the he is the Living embodiment or not living but he is the Spiritual embodiment of a very famous musician. Please welcome back to the show, The Ghost of Dr. John. Catch it down a new island. He has everybody going.

That's right, your catchphrase. I'm not catchphrase. That's what we said down south. It's a little worse there. It's me, The Ghost of Dr. John. How's everybody going today? Hey, Scott. Everyone's going great.

How are you? I'm going well. This is Bridget John. I'm going my good. You're going good. Yeah. Nice. I liked your books. Thank you. Yeah. Were you watching us like all go still? Yeah, I just kind of hover above the space in a room and I just kind of like observe before, you know, I make myself corporeal. Do you do that in every room or is that just like a like a fart? Yeah, like I'm like the world's fault. Yeah. So you're in every room simultaneously. I'm in every room

simultaneously. It's the kind of like Santa Claus. Right. And I do watch you masturbate. Great. Yeah. What I do. So you know when I do it, I'm putting on a show for the ghost. Yeah. Yes. I'm like, I like this. You like like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this?

I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this?

I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? I'm like, hey, you like this? Wow, this is the Cripkeeper by the way you're your fellow ghosts in a way hello Hey, man, how are you spooky is hell good to see you? Wait, you don't look like him. Why why does Cripkeeper? Why do you look the way you look?

A Dr. John looks the way he looks Dr. John use a slow shit. Oh, yeah, I use ghost lotion It's just drunk. I'm not but it's it. It's just good. It's good. It's good for the skin or the lack thereof that I have. I see. Yeah. Dr. I've always had a question for you. Plea, and I've always had an answer for you, pre-capo. Are you black?

No. So it's okay. Just for everybody listening right now. Even white or at least somewhat white. I haven't exactly looked into it, right now. Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee- I'm in every room, so I'm the voice of most things. Oh, that's right, you sing. Yeah. I was in the princess quick recap. I was in the princess in the frog.

The frog. I was it. They told me, Scott hasn't seen. You should do Scott hasn't seen. Scott hasn't seen. Where we watch princess in the frog. Oh, yeah, we got it. We got to watch it.

Catch it down in New Orleans. So I'm here to sue the Walt Disney corporation. What? Yeah, just like Ron DeSantis? Just, well, not exactly the same way. But, you know, I'm out there on the picket line most days now, not striking with the writers though I am a solidarity.

But, you know, Dr. Teath, from the Muppets, they're using him as clearly a knockoff of me stealing my over. All of you doctors know each other too, right? Every single doctor knows each other. Dr. Phil, yeah. The rest? Listen, I'm in most rooms and I know most doctors.

Dr. Quinn. Yeah, I'm medicine woman. That's pretty spooky. Was she a doctor or was she just a medicine woman? Because I think she had two titles and she was sort of like, hey, choose which one is a political this is mad sexist. Maybe. Is the woman doctor really done? You wouldn't call, you know, who's a male, a male doctor doctor doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, a, doctor, a, doctor, a, doctor, a, doctor, a, doctor, a, doctor, a, doctor, a, doctor, okay, you wouldn't call doctor, a medicine man, you know, it's like it was old fashion times

So everything was a medicine woman meat man Meat man meat man butcher fill the meat man. Yeah, okay River butcher I Believe there were no college degrees in her day. Yeah, she think. The white, the white could they call her doctor? Who gets?

It's doctor just as something that like everyone could be if they just practice medicine. And then suddenly they're like, no, you need a degree to do this. I mean, I went to Zataco school and that's how I got my, I covered this last time. That's right. The one's been a while. But um, yeah.

You have been at the band stained? The band stained? Yeah. Never heard of them. I'm so sorry. They sing that song. It's been a while. Oh, no, no.

It's been a while since I've been, it's not, then it trails off. I forget. Yeah, and just turn off the radio. No, it's funny. Sometimes when it's been a while since I've done something, I sing. It's been a while.

It's been. Oh, yeah. Sometimes it's a, yeah, it's been. It's been. Yeah, it's been. while since I've done something I sing. It's been a while. It's been. Oh yeah, sometimes it's a, yeah, it's been. It's been. I don't know these references, but yeah. Zaco school. Zaco school, yeah. Two slain universities.

Oh, he's back. Yeah, he's back. He's back. Glad we waited for that. So happy we waited for that. So Dr. John, you're suing Walt Disney. I'm suing the Walt Disney Corporation and I guess the man himself thought theoretically.

You see him up there sometimes. Oh, he's up there. I thought he was frozen. Walt? Oh yeah, I think that temporarily holding him up there until he thaws. Oh really? So he's in like a waiting room until he gets back there.

He's in like a, you all seen Bill Juice. He's in that waiting room. Do you mean the player, the movie? I mean, the video game. I mean the video game or the cartoons from Xbox 360. Okay, yeah. So you, you're suing Walt Disney on behalf of Dr. Teeth. On behalf of me, because okay, so it's a little bit, it's a little bit convoluted, but Dr. Teeth, part of the Muppets, Disney owns the Muppets.

Dr. Teeth clearly ripped off of me. I'm suing Walt Disney Corporation for the sake of my uvra. Oh, I know. I see. And I need that money. I say no cash, no uvra. That's on my writer's guild sign. So now you had plenty of time to do this while you were alive, by the way.

Yeah. Because Dr. Teeth, I believe, has stab most ever since the late 70s, if not early. I only heard about Dr. T. Tha after I passed away. Well, no one ever who told you. Someone was just like, guess what? The Muppets. Abraham Lincoln. Abraham, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Go to the Muppets.

Go to the Muppets. I was like, guess what? The Muppets. You should be pissed. He's a fan of the Muppets. He loves those fucking Muppets. His hat is sort of like a Muppet. Yeah.

It kind of bounces around and says, yay! That is so offensive. And what muppets? To muppets to Abraham Lincoln. To Abe. To honest Abe himself. Yeah.

Wow, yeah. One of our most honest, isn't it that two presidents have like these stories about being honest, Washington and Lincoln? Yeah, it's like one. And Trump come. I say pick one of them. Pick one. Trump's been mad on this. Okay. All right.

So how's the lawsuit going? Where'd you file it in a friendly court? Are you judge shopping? I was judge shopping for a while. Last time I was here, I thought I found a lawyer, but she turned out to be a malignant. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I remember that.

Yeah, you remember that from a year ago. Yeah, she was a malignant. Yeah, yeah. She was a malignant. When we say a malignant meaning she had a body. She had a body. And then a conjoined twin on the, her back. Conjoined twin on the back of her head.

Yeah. So that didn't work out too well. So I was just wondering if anybody here, I'm back shopping for lawyers to help me sue the Walt Disney Corporation. I know a lawyer, but I don't know if he's around. He's from Italy. So I don't know if he's okay. Yeah. Is he about to appear? I have no idea. I'm in every room. I could check. Yeah. Go find a Tallyano Jones and see if you can bring him here. Like, okay, hold on do I found him.

Scott I came in soon as I could. You came so where were you? I was right outside your house. In my RV. You didn't have to go very far. Did you, Dr. John? No, no, right? I said, what is this guy? Have you been injured?

I've not been injured. No, but you have it. You look mad sick. No, this is age. Scott, you look disgusting. You look like you're dying. No, no, I mean, we all are, but me a little closer to it than the rest of you. Why just getting green. What have you been doing? I look at it's not about me. We have we need a lawyer. Oh, I do that. Here, I give you mouth to mouth, Scott. No, no, no, okay. Well, okay. Yeah, you know, know I'm good you wanted too much no doctor John here

you go to Dr. John hello hello Dr. John you a doctor you should be able to fix it well I'm technically dead oh yeah that's a big injury that's a big injury have you ever represented anyone who's actually dead the crypt keeper you. You wait, you, oh, this is the cryptkeeper's here. Hello, L'celliado. L'celliado. Bones. Oh, good. Wait, are you his ride?

Is that why you're outside with RV? We both live in the RV. Together. Yeah. Man, the conversations between YouTube must be great. Let's hear one. They're voices are similar. I know how y'all tell each other apart.

Good morning, Cryptkeeper. Good morning. That was the Cryptkeeper. I can't tell them apart. Good morning, Jacky. Maybe. I am following this. You are.

I'm riveted, continue. What do you need help with? Yeah, Dr. John, you're suing Disney. It's an over-related lawsuit. It's Dr. Teeth. Are you in an Uber? It's an Uber. Oh, a general feel of character. And it's a lagnus issue, really. It's over. Oh, over a general, uh, uh, uh, feel of character and, uh, it's a lagnus issue. Really? It's very

person-confusing in the marketplace. It's confusion in the marketplace. I need my danta. Well, I am a personal injury attorney. Oh, that's right. I always forget that about you. But you can say he's been even though we asked people constantly if they're in. Well, it's got to spend injured on the job. We look sad sick. Got what you been injured on the job? You look like shit. No, I'm I'm fine.

You should sue comedy bang bang. I wonder if I can't say I'll get in on that with you. Okay. Yeah. If you and I both want to sue comedy, let's go to your own podcast. Yeah. Why not? Do you think he looks better than me and actual ghosts? Absolutely not. No, I look better than the crypt keeper though. You got it.

Midd. You'd look less wrapped up. You look more exposed. You mean wrapped up because he had a wrap. Dr. John, I may be able to take on your case. I just have one question. Yeah. Are you black? No. Listen to me. I checked before I became Dr. John. Listen to me, I checked before I became Dr. John. We all have to check everyone's comments. We all have to check. I'm just Cajun, I believe. Yeah, it's a regional time. It's a regional time.

Yeah, exactly. But you want to represent him? If I was black, would you represent me? Absolutely not. Okay, wait, you don't represent black clients? Absolutely not. Always lose. Well, this has been no help.

But how are you black? Are you black? I'm a, I'm a tell you. You're white and not yet? You're, no, he's canonically black in the book. So, you did that. I never said that. I, I only think I ever said that I am six for five yeah so he's white you need to redo the book okay I'm representing one black

person that has gotten off who's that who's that it's me he's got oh Jay oh Jay's here so many people are in that RV now I can tell the difference now. Oh, Jay sounds different. Well, all hanging on the RV, I'm telling you. And it is a good time. Hey, who is this? Oh, this is the ghost of Dr. John. Hi, white.

Just the case you're about to ask. I love those. Oh, no, no. And they love you, juice. They love you. Sometimes, you know, I didn't come here to stay low. I just wanted to say, watch Star Trek, Louer Dex. You sound like Obama now.

Who's your favorite Star Trek, Louer Dex character? Is it K-Sharm? Lieutenant K-Sharm. Oh, I know. Oh, yeah. I know everything about him. Oh, like what? I gotta get back out to the RV.

Okay. See you later. You'll take care. Yeah. Oh, what's happening? You know, RV, what are you guys doing while. Yeah. Oh, what's happening? You know I'm just saying Usually people leave this take take care, but you want to give us last And that oh Jay responded well, I have been reading some love

I love you now. We see Dr. John asked me a question. I did. I said could he represent me in my case? You've been reading love and re-loving. You famously got off. I mean, if anyone knows how to get... Yes. Well, I did lose the civil case. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah.

I had to spend a lot of money on that. But I, let me change something. Yeah. When you're down, when you're sitting down, as they say, I, as they say, plenty of time. When you're sitting down. Yeah., I, as they say plenty of time when you're sitting down. It's not, it's not a technical term then. When you're sitting down as the layperson I say, I, I have, I had to read a lot of books. And I think I may be able to get you over

a case. Oh, seen by the Supreme Court. Oh, by the Supreme Court. Yes, I have a good friend on the Supreme Court. His name is Clarence Thomas. I love that guy. Yeah, I thought I have kind of figures you guys are friends. Yeah, it's he black. It is. Didn't like to be, but he is. Now I am up on current events and I don't love him. But I'll take what I can get. Yeah, I mean, Miss Spring Court, I didn't realize they represented people in cases. They represent ghosts.

I can get them to hear this ghost case. Oh, okay. But right now they're going to tow the RV. So I got to get back. Oh, okay, juice. It's always wonderful. Wonderful talking to you. Take care, Scott.

I definitely will take care. Thank you, juice. Take care, doctor. Hey, bye. I, I get the feeling as long as he was talking to you. You're still just cigarette. I'm one of you. Okay. Oh, yeah. Cripp keeper. Why are you crying? I realized that you're hello sound like a

creaky door. I'm scared. But you're scared of OJ why he always steals my breakfast Because of the podcast about the murder I've been hitting them I've been hitting you guys with them all day. Why you all unwrapped all of a sudden Yeah, I'm wearing a tuxedo. I feel like we're learning more about you than we have this entire time. You're wearing a tuxedo. For what? To what end? Are you going to do some sort of big ball tonight or? I'm attending a booze-sickle. Which one? Is that musical with booze or scary? musical with booze or scary musical. Yeah, where are you? Which one are you going to? Hair spray.

Okay, you're terrifying. You paused. Knowing hair wasn't good enough. And then you continued and you just said a different. It was a lateral move. Hair slay. Hair slay. There we go.

There we go. That's clean, yes. Cut the other one out. Oh, God, I'm furshally our editing machine is broken. Yeah, actually, you could cut most of this stuff out. Every week, we just leave it all in. I don't know why. It's a bad thing.

It's so embarrassing. Well, look, we are running out of time speaking. Oh, man. Am I any closer to suing the shit out of Walt Disney? I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever get there. Italiano here maybe could help you, but. I'm sorry, I don't think you have a case.

Hold on, OJ was convinced, but Italiano, no? OJ and I are not the same person. No, you all live in the same RV. It was that cannon. Italiano. It is now. All right. Italian no Jones more like Italian no nose.

Because you're saying no. Because he's saying no. It's not about your nose. I see you touching your nose. That's wrong. My nose. He cares less about puns. They're not the same person.

It's a I tell you no. Not everyone in an RV has the same mind. No. Exactly. All right. Yeah, this is I tell you no, not everyone in an RV has the same mind. No, right? Exactly. All right. If you guys want to see all of us in our RV, we live right outside SkySaus. Please don't give out the address. We are running out of time. We just have time for one final feature on the show.

That is, of course, a little something called plugs. Oh beautiful, that was its time for plugs by Nick Bowen. Uh, had a flaming lips vibe to it. I loved it. Thanks so much, Nick. If you have a plugs theme or a closing up the plug back theme, head over to CBBworld.com slash plugs. Uh, and you can upload it there and you might be able to be played on this show. All right. Uh, what plug in Dr. John, go sir, Dr. John, pardon me, pardon me. Yeah. Uh, uh, well, anything to plug this has got that new Muppet Show. Do not watch it. I will be mad. I will watch you while you masturbate a little more. Yeah. Don't masturbate. Don't watch them up at show and don't masturbate. Definitely. Don't do both at the same time. Yeah. Cause I'm there. Yeah, always there. I'm right there. I'm gonna need your sheets.

I'm on the ceiling. Bridget Jones, you uh you want to plug anything? Yeah. I'm gonna plug CBB world. I'll be listening to it on when I'm out there on the picket line. Okay. Listen to this book. Change my line. Oh a lot new episode just came out last week. No, yeah, it did yeah It did yeah, no, it's a sweet Do you know what this comes out? Okay, delete that delete that you can't delete this On you just okay, so that came out last week. Yeah, listen to it. It was so good. Also listen to Hey, Randy coming out this week. Okay, we don't normally talk about before it comes up, but yeah.

Okay, delete that. Stop fucking up, everyone. Go ahead and follow LIL, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y. Cryptkeeper, what do you want to plug? You must have so much in the bank in the tank. What's uh, what's going on with you, Cripkeeper? Yes. Or a Tallyano, I'll take either one, whatever is easy is to get these plugs out. I would like to plug Star Trek lower decks. Uh, yes, we talked about before Star Trek lower decks, the cartoon about Star Trek lower decks. Ah, yes, we talked about before. Star Trek lower decks, the cartoon about Star Trek. I would also like to plug Star Trek lower decks.

I would also like to plug it as well. I would also like to plug Grand Crew. Oh, that's right. Grand Crew is on peacock right now. Oh, peacock. That's not a pun, either. That's just generally gross. You have to read beneath the bud. That's your problem Scott. You're surface level. What a very first thought. What about any podcast? You have any podcast? Yeah. I'd like to plug the flagrant one. It's so slow to wake you up.

It's so different. The flagrant one. This is with... Posted by Slays Davenport. Sean. He's saying that. You don't have a footprint. In contact.

Dude, I have a question about those two. Do they ever drop the act? I still don't know. I want to plug. Look, the CBB book is out there. It makes a great gift for any dad's let alone your grads. And people are really enjoying it. I'm happy to hear all of the great reviews of it. And,

also, I want to plug CBB world. We have a ton of shows over there. We have, of course, on two days we have college, college town, right? Yes. And Wednesdays is CBB presents. Don't give it away. Don't give it away. And it away. And then Friday, we have Scott hasn't seen. I believe we just watched Reds with the co-creator of Miles Morales Spider-Man, Brian Michael Bendis. Oh. And some good shows coming out this month. All right, here we go.

Let's close up the old plug bag. And then we take them up and shut them tight And then we take them up and shut them tight And then we take them up and shut them tight And then we take them up and shut them tight And then we take them up and shut them tight And then we take them up and shut them tight And then we take them up and shut them tight I'm your captain now. That's good.

That's good. I'm your captain now. That's good. That's good. That's good. I'm your captain now. That's good. I'm your captain now.

That's good. That's good. That's good. Let's see how many lyrics we can do. Yeah, that was Shut Them Tight, Captain Bubbles, by Ephraim. Thank you to Ephraim or Ephraim. Shut Them Tight Captain Bubbles by Ephraim. Thank you to Ephraim or Ephraim. Probably, it has an eye, Ephraim, I'm guessing. It's both.

Oh, it's both? Okay, you know him. Yes. Or her. Or them. Damn. Okay, great. Guys, I want to thank you so much.

First of all, Bridget Jones, always great to seeing you. I loved seeing you. Did you really? I did. You're one of my favorites. Come back anytime. Wow. I love seeing you. Did you really? I did. You're one of my favorites. Come back anytime. Wow. I love it. Yeah. You're a great relationship until you talked about how bad I looked. But that's just I'm just trying to help you. I'm trying to save you. Hmm. Interesting. Make sure you get the help you need. Okay. Okay. Obviously you're obsessed with me. And you're flinky dinky. I do want to.

Yeah, even the jungle of me jingies. And a crypt keeper, such an honor meeting you. I'll be back. I'll be back. I've noticed that you have two puns. Do you have anything rhyme with, you say hack and anything rhyming in a's, you say slays.

Also he said that he said used bones in. Oh bones in like four of them. Okay, three. Don't forget emphasizing pee. That's true. That's a good point. And got ghost of Dr. John right having you back. Always going to be back. Good luck with your lawsuit.

Hey. Yes. I got a far away looking you're right when you say hey slay slay yes very good we'll see you next time next bye you