Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jessica St. Clair, Devin Field, Rekha Shankar

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

Intern Marissa Wompler makes her return to talk to Scott about the audiobook “The Art of Small Talk,” what’s happening with her podcast “Womp It Up!” and auditioning for The Bachelorette. Then, Podcast Rescue host Ron Snapper returns to do a follow up and get the podcast to the next level. Plus, accountant Becky Girardi stops by to talk about getting pranked by her celebrity clients.Get tickets for the Comedy Bang! Bang! Into Your Mouth Tour 2024 over at https://CBBWorld.com/tour

If you can't beat them or readet them, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Par Kranger, Par Kranger for that catchphrase submission and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. June is busting out all over, all over the meadows and the hills and of course, this episode is no exception. Welcome to Dads and Grads Month, and it is comedy banking. We have some important announcements

before we get to our guests. I do have to say, coming up this hour, we're going to have a one-on-one conversation with an accountant. Anyway, I do have some announcements. Starting this week, this is exciting, starting this week on Thursdays, starting this very week we are going to be releasing what we call bonus bangs. Bonus bangs on Thursday.

That's essentially what are these? It sounds intriguing, doesn't it? Please stop talking about your penis, please. Marissa, come on, man. Boner bags? Bonus! Not interested! Bonus, but I'm turning you down right now. I knew this is what would happen when you get me

in your pool house. You guys start talking about your boner within 30 seconds. Marissa, you haven't been here for years on the show. You can't start interrupting on mic immediately. Oh, I can do whatever the fuck I want, bitch! I don't like to hear that kind of language from a girl of indeterminate age. All right, you were saying?

Snooze. Okay, bonus bangs. What are these bonus bangs? They sound very intriguing. They're old episodes. But what were- Just like your dog, baby. Is an old episode?

Ha ha ha, that's what she said. All right, Marissa, please just try to, you said it. Are you referring to yourself in the third person? Yes. Okay, you are a third person in my mind. Bonus bangs are, they're gonna be archived episodes that we're going to be re-releasing in themes. The first theme that we're gonna be starting with

on this Thursday is the essential Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're going to be releasing several of his earlier episodes. Uh, and we're going to do these in themes. We're going to do, uh, character themes. We're going to do, uh, guest themes. It's very exciting. Uh, for a lot of- How about the theme, hot titties, and then you release all of mine. Uh, you're. I mean, if you mean- How about Harry nipple theme mine? Your titties look like over easy eggs with hairs bursting out of them. Thank you.

And the only reason I've seen them is because you keep flashing me every time you come in here. That's the Drew Barrymore move from David Letterman. Yeah. Deep cut. Yeah. How cut! Yeah. How about deep cuts with Marissa Wappler? How about that as a bonus bank?

You sound like you have a cold and it sounds like bonus bank. Which, you know, I mean, with all these Beemo's popping up, it feels like there's bonus banks, doesn't it? Bonus bank banks, baby! Okay, stop, Marissa, stop. In any case, we're gonna be releasing these every Thursday. For those of you who don't have access to CBB World

where all the episodes are, this is a fun little treat for you and you can listen to them. These are bonus bangs. This is exciting. We also have the CBB Tour is coming up starting next week. We're gonna be starting on June 12th in Boston, going to the first leg of our tour,

Boston, New York, Philly, DC, other places. What a great promo. So join us out there. Plus we have exciting new dates for the tour I'm gonna be announcing next week. So those are all the announcements that we have. Those are not plugs, these are announcements.

These are top of show announcements. Sure. You tell yourself whatever you need to, Fred. Whatever gets me through the night. So we have a one-on-one with an accountant this episode, which, stars are back technically, but we couldn't get any this week. But here's how it usually goes.

It goes, movie stars, we love to get them. We have Mr. Pongos from Oppenheimer on the show once. That was incredible. So movie stars are great. Then we have TV stars, love to have them. Right. Right. Yeah. Hannah Einbinder from Hacks, come on in.

We love it. Right. Standing invite. Underneath there, comedians in, we love it. Standing invite. Underneath there, comedians with specials. Sure, oh yes, I thought you meant special comedians. No, not special comedians, just comedians who have a special coming out, that's fine, we'll take them. We'll take them.

Then under that you have, we had plenty of these during the strike, authors. Oh, nothing worse than a writer. Nothing worse. Hopefully they're a comedian who has a book out or something, but- Leave your New Balance at the door. We're not interested in your baggy pants. And then underneath that, podcast hosts. Oh, even worse.

It's terrible. There's a reason it's on podcasts that we're not seeing you live. And then I guess under that, when you can't get any of those accountants. Sure. So we have an accountant coming up on this show. Great, can't wait. One-on-one episode, but I feel like I do need to

introduce this person who's interrupting all the time. She's been my intern on the show for 15 years. Still am. I'm still on the show for 15 years. Still am. I'm still on the books. I'm still getting paid. You know that, right? You're getting paid in credit, course credits? Yes.

Oh, okay. Yes, for a university I don't go to, but when I do, when I decide to go to Oxford, to jolly old England, I can tell you what, I'm gonna be using these credits. Yeah, you've been an intern ever since our first year and you've shown up maybe once a year. Handful of times. Handful of times, I-

Handful. I don't remember signing any of the forms. Have you been slipping me like, forms with invisible ink or something? Have you been slipping me anything? That's what she said. Okay, Marisa, you were a teenage girl when you started. How old are you now?

I know, and how inappropriate was that? You're lucky you didn't get canceled for some of the things that she said. Okay, Marissa, you were a teenage girl when you started. How old are you now? I know, and how inappropriate was that? You're lucky you didn't get canceled for some of the things that you said. If you go back into the archives, no wonder you don't play, we play our episodes. We will not be doing the essential Marissa Wambler, if that's a question. Yeah, we certainly won't,

because that will be bring the police to your door, my friend. You were a teenage girl when you started as an intern on this show. Now how old are you? Who knows? At this point. What is age, really? What is time?

What is time? You know, how old is Helen Mirren? We don't know, she looks banging in a bikini. Does she? Where are you seeing her in a bikini? Google Helen Mirren bikini right now. Right now? And see if your mechanical pencil doesn't come to.

Okay, the first thing that comes up on the prompt is movies. Next is movies and TV shows. I am shocked. Next is age. Oh, next is Barbie. Helen Mirren bikini. Then we have Excalibur, then Hairstyles, then Golda, then Oscar, then Young?

Yes, Helen Mirren, yes, because of how bangin'acca in a bikini! I'm going to type in B and see what comes up. B, Bio, Barbie, Born, Blood in, Blood out. What is that? What? Bob, blue hair, Barbie quotes, birthday. OK, now I'm going to go BI.

I would imagine it would be Bio than birthday. I'm dead already. Bio, birthday, biography, birthday, birth name, birth chart, big mouth, Bill Cosby. You're going to want mouth, Bill Cosby. You're going to want this. Bill Cosby. Oh no.

Talk about canceled. Okay, now I'm going to go B-I-K and this will probably come up. No, nothing. B-I-K. Am I the only person who obsessively Googles? I do two things before I go to sleep at night. I Google Travis and Taylor because I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

Who are each of those people? What? Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, the greatest love affair that was ever told. Are you Googling them separately or? Sometimes just to see if I can get extra hits. But yeah, I like to study them from different angles. Sometimes I go onto TikTok,

then I go onto Instagram, see people, I try to study them from different angles. Sometimes I go onto TikTok, then I go onto Instagram, see people, I try to track them. What are you looking for? Yeah. I'm looking for- You're looking for their assassination coordinates? No, they are the ultimate love story. And you know-

What makes them such a good love story? Like she was with some dude for eight years, why don't they get married? That's right. How about me and gutter balls having such a tragic relationship and then she finds the love of her life, okay? That's what I'm looking for. Why do you think this is the love of her life?

She's been with this guy for two months. This is it. This is it for her. You think this is it? Why? Yes, because he takes care of her. He takes care of her. What I want is a big old lug of a man that can throw me around. Why do you think he takes care of her?

Throw me against the wall. Because he you think he takes care of her? Because he's got giant arms? Yes, yes. I'm done with the mechanical pencil. This is why I came on this show, okay? I have auditioned to be on The Bachelorette over and over and over again, okay? And they keep saying, we're not making another season,

but then there they go, making another season. I think they're lying to you. I even tried to get on the Golden Bachelor. I don't think you're old enough if you don't know how old you are. That's right. That's why I thought maybe I'd qualify. I'd love for an older gentleman to squire me around the square. That's the thing about the Golden Bachelor is like, I think it would be funny if the Golden Bachelor was like 75 or whatever he is and he dated 20 year old.

That's yes. Let's see Yes, let's see that. Let's see that. Then they would stick together. Exactly, let's see that. That's who wants to date a 75 year old man. Yeah, exactly. And then he dies in five years and it's a happy ending. That's the only person stupid enough

to date someone that old, you know? So yeah, so I wanna put it out there that I'm looking for love in all the wrong places, obviously not in this studio. You seem like one of the people who'd be good on like Bachelor in Paradise, who shows up and has never been on the Bachelor franchise and everyone goes like, who the hell is this?

Exactly. And then you just have that personality and everyone's like, this is too much. Yeah, or like one of those, what I wanna get on is one of those shows where like they have a night cam. So if you hook up with someone, everybody sees it. You just want the footage of you having they have a night cam so if you hook up with someone everybody sees it you know just want the footage of you having sex in a night cam that's right you don't know what's going on under those covers that's what i want so any reality producer you just film that

yourself ew why don't you stop crew the cameras in here there are no we don't have night cameras in here that might be so dark here. You lived here for a while. You know this whole anatomy of my house. You were living in the attic. Still smells like cats in here by the way. Sorry about that. Yeah. I don't know cats. We had a thousand cats in here. Suddenly it started smelling like cats in here. I'm like, we don't own cats. What is happening? They're going to come back. They are homing. You were there bad Ronalding in the walls. We really were. And they know where gonna come back. They you're there bad ronalding in the wall We really were and there's and they know where home is So if you're gonna see a bunch of stray cats come in here if any of them have the right setzer shows up

I'll know what's happening Look, I've looked up Helen Mirren in a bikini and and several things come up and only one I want to click on which is her young Okay, your age is bullshit. This is the patriarchy. I'm here to smash it. She looks fine sometimes, but then she looks like, honestly, she looks like the queen from behind.

You know what? What? You look like the queen from behind. She looks like the queen now. You literally, the dead queen from behind, that's what you look like, okay? That's what I look like? You have the, your skin has the pallor of a dead royal. That's what you have like, okay? That's what I look like? You have the, your skin has the pallor of a dead royal. That's what you have.

I put on sunscreen. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. I don't, I like to get a burn that's like, I like to get a third degree burn. You are continually red. Always peeling. You're never tan.

You're always red and peeling. A, B, P, always be peeling. That's why you don't know how old I am. Because that's actually, people pay for these peels. They go to these dermatologists. Those are like chemical peels. Exactly. All you gotta do is burn the shit out of your face and peel it off. I worry that you're going to have skin cancer at whatever age you are, which I think has to be in your 30s at this point.

YOLO, baby! YOLO! What does that stand for you? That's a type of yogurt that I love. I don't just eat it, though. Is that the kind that Jamie Lee Curtis was talking about that makes you shit all the time? That's exactly right.

Weird to think about Jamie Lee Curtis shitting. It is, but obviously... She's an Oscar winner! You know what? Search your Google search. I bet you'd find that. Jamie Lee Curtis shitting. One girl, no cups. Oh!

Oh, God, I'm already hot and bothered. Marissa, what's going on with you? I haven't seen you in years at this point. I know, I know. You used to have your own podcast, Womp It Up. Yeah, I got that. And by the way, thanks for stealing the rights to it. I'm actually here too on a legal mission.

I bought you out. You bought me out, somehow, I start getting, my DMs start blowing up, right? And I'm thinking, oh good, Gutter Balls is back. He's, you know, he wants me back. None of- Where is he, by the way? I've never listened to any of your episodes. I don't know. Last time I saw he was working at a Baja Fresh.

Oh, okay. And- Are they still around? I used to go to one all the time. So did I. I was for a time. For a time? I was living only on their shrimp tacos. I think I misread their caloric menu once

and I thought the pizza was good for you. First of all, if you're going to a restaurant. It's not bad, this is like a thin, crispy thing. I guess it must not have a lot of carbs. And then one day I read the actual menu again when, oh, I've been eating this way too much. Yeah, you look like Bad Albert. That's how you knew

Helen Mirren bill Cosby. Oh god. Here we are again But yeah, so basically I've been you stole my shit and I was like problem you you made it public You made Wamp-it-up an IPO somehow. I don't know why I rang the bell too Exchange I'm on Wall Street ringing that bell. You took the place of the little girl stopping the bull at one point. I did. I was on cocaine for like 10 days in New York City with Listler, who by the way has gone underground.

I know everybody's going to be wondering why isn't she here with me. She had to go underground. She said for a special mission and involves the government. I think it's cause election is coming up. Honestly, I don't know. Where was she on January 6th? You don't want to know. You don't wanna know.

So stop asking that question. No, you don't. Okay. Okay? She will tell you when she- Did she get into the secret tunnels? You know, they have the subway underneath there? Of course she's under there.

The subway sandwich shop? Yes. All the senators have a secret subway sandwich shop that gives you extra tuna. That's right. No joke, a friend of mine used to get a bikini wax underneath the time and life building and she got her labia seared.

That is for real. A friend of mine, quote unquote. Okay. Okay. You're quoting yourself when you say a friend of mine. Don't ever get a bikini wax underground. That's a PSA. This is an above ground activity.

This is an above, absolutely. Highest altitude possible. Exactly. Go out there to the Rockies if need be. If need be. So anyway, so Listler's gone underground. That gives me some time on my hands. So I've been very active on social media.

So my DMs start blowing up. What social media? My social media. I haven't seen you. You haven't seen me? No, where are you? I've been so active. Which platforms I guess is?

I'm on MySpace. Oh, this is not good. Yeah, I'm on MySpace. Yeah, is Tom still around there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's out in there. I wondered why you were looking over your shoulder the entire time at me. Yeah, I'm on my space. Yes, Tom still around there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's down there Um, I wonder why you were looking over your shoulder the entire time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're just in the my space pose right now Turn around. Yeah Turn around of course, which is what Lissler Seth is doing absolutely

Wonder I barely remember these people that is my stepfather. Yeah, right. He's doing wonderfully. It's been so long. I don't know who you're talking about. Diane, my mother, as we are estranged. I am currently writing a memoir about it called Life With This Fucking Bitch. That's a working title. What if it was something like Life and Beth, you know,

where it was like Life and Seth. Yeah, Life and Seth. Where it's no longer a play on life and death, it's now a play like Life and Beth, you know, where it was like Life and Seth. Yeah, Life and Seth. Where it's no longer a play on life and death, it's now a play on life and Beth. That's really great. That's a deep cut. And why does Beth always look so sad in all of those promos? She's always sitting on a couch looking sleepy. It's like, hey, you're going to sleep when you're dead.

Like get a little pep in your step. If I'm going to see you on TV, I want to see some life in you. But so, hey, you're gonna sleep when you're dead. Like get a little pep in your step. If I'm gonna see you on TV, I wanna see some life in you. But so, yeah, so I- Does anyone know what show we're talking about? I've never watched it. You've seen one picture of it. I have. She looks sad.

All I do is watch Bridgerton over and over and over and over again, but mostly just the sex scenes. You have a Bridgerton sex scene cut. This is like being in euphoria. Yeah, that I made on CapCut. I've made on CapCut. What's Cap? What's Cap? CapCut is an app that you can cut up your social media.

Is that like CashCab? Oh God, I forgot all your wordplay. It's all coming back to me now, honestly. I told you like this, When I fucked you like that. Oh my God! Marissa, what happened with your show? Womp it up, because I own it now. You own it!

I don't know, you tell me! I bought 51% of it. You tell me. No, we're, listen, we're going to come back. We're going to come back as soon as Lyssa resurfaces, if she's still alive, even if she's turned animatronic We're still gonna come back. We're gonna come back better than ever I'll of course be announcing it on myspace But why I'm here today too is on another legal mission, which is I heard these two bitches

Jessica St. Clair Casey Wilson stole my idea for an audio book called The Art of Small Talk. Wait, you just had an idea to make books audio? Yes. That people have been doing that forever. Well, I was going to do it. So the whole thing was you don't get the real book, you just get me talking about a book. Not as a recording? No.

You go to people's houses? Yeah, exactly. Me screaming into your face, just reading other books, like Pride and Prejudice. Yeah, this is not relaxing. People usually read books to go to sleep before bed. Those are their primary purposes.

Exactly, but this was gonna be a new thing that I did. And I heard these bitches did it. And so, I don't know, I heard one of them lives nearby here. So I thought maybe I'll start. Yeah, we don't like to give our own assassination coordinates. Yeah. So I thought maybe I would, and also just put a blast out because I know these girls consider themselves quote unquote comedians. Okay. Although I've never heard either of them say anything funny.

You putting them on notice? I'm putting them on blast. I'm saying, I know you stole my idea. Okay. I know it's available on Audible and anywhere else. You could find your audio books and I know that you teach people the seven simple rules to how to small talk and you tell them about all the mental and physical benefits. Okay. I know you've got celebrities on it like Amy Poehler and Tony Hale and Colin Quinn, okay? Your phone didn't blow up because I don't, this is if anything, this is the anti-art of small talk. Everything he does, puns, interrupting, talking about his dong too soon and too often.

Well, I think the biggest problem is I'm not a celebrity. Yeah, that's a very big problem. I think they would have called me if that would have bumped up even one sale. No, they would not have. I could tell you that much. In fact, I had on good information that people kept putting your name on the list, so they kept deleting it. Really? My publicist was very thorough about this. Yes. And then these two just kept deleting my name. Killing it, killing it, killing it. And I know they're friends of your wife too, so I thought that was very rude. But at any rate, so yes, so that's why I'm here.

Wampler, you're in my book. I'm in your book? Yeah. The Comedy Bang Bang book, aren't you? The fuck? Yeah, I'm in your book. I haven't seen a fucking check. There's one. Yes, you have. No, I have not. I think I sent it to someone else. I may't seen a fucking check. There's one. Yes, you have. No, I have not. I think I sent it to someone else. I may have sent it to Jessica St. Clair.

All I got was a bunch of DiGiorno gift certificates. Like, I need that. That's how I paid everyone. I'm fucking swimming in that shit. Okay, I'm swimming in it. I don't need more DiGiornos, okay? What's the recent trend where you go do someone's show and they pay you in gift certificates to like Olive Garden?

I know, I don't need, by the way, but those endless bread baskets might be worth it. I hope there's something like that. I'm lousy with these things. I know, I know. Just pay me good old fashioned cash. That's right, at least some euros, I'll go down to the airport.

Sedge Exchange. So this is a book that's out that you are upset about. What is it called again? It's called The Art of Small Talk. And guess what? I don't need your tips and your tricks, bitch. I need that royalty money. You need it more than anyone.

You're terrible at this. Are you kidding me? You're big talk. I forget, your podcast got put on the map when I started squawking around here, okay? I remember recording in that gross ass studio with a bunch of fur on the walls, okay? It wasn't fur, it was soundproofing. Okay, whatever it was was disgusting.

And suddenly now you're in this beautiful pool house. Thank you, you're welcome. I think the words you're looking for are, you're welcome. Okay, yeah. Look, I enjoy having you on the show, but you're too unreliable, you know? You don't show up for years and years. You can't pin me down, baby. Tie me up, tie me down.

Pedro, I'll move it hard to reference. Okay. Um, how old are you? Are you almost 50? You know what? Your obsession with how old women are is quite frankly, another symptom of the patriarchy, okay? This is good small talk, isn't it? I'm almost 50. You know what? Your obsession with how old women are is quite frankly, another symptom of the patriarchy, okay?

This is good small talk, isn't it? You want to see me in a bikini? There! Oh, please put those away. Woo! Put them away. This is how we do it. That's not a bikini.

Flop, flop, flop, flop, flop. This is how we do it. That was my boobs hitting the table there, if you heard that. Thank you. Oh my God, all right, Marissa. Well, it's wonderful to have you. Look, I'm gonna have a one-on-one discussion

with an accountant. Can he maybe file a lawsuit against those girls? Guess what? She. See, that's what happens when I spend time with you. It feels like the 1950s again. You're getting this through osmosis? No, this is all you, baby.

You don't think an accountant can be a woman. Honestly, I think women aren't very good at math. Honestly, they get numbers mixed up. They do get numbers mixed up, because they're so pretty. That's why I wasn't good at math. The only number that's important to a woman is 10, and maybe 69

And 420 All right, let's get this account on maybe she maybe all right, well we need to take a break Kim. Fuck all right Why you're tired cuz you're so old you need to take a nap Look I need to take a break because we have advertisements. You want me to give you a bottle for your night night? No, I don't need a bottle for my night night. We need to take a break because we have some important messages coming to the people.

But when we come back, very special show, one-on-one with an accountant. This is a very special episode of Comedy Bang Gang. We'll be right back with hopefully no more of Marissa Wampler, but a one-on-one with an accountant. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang of Marissa Wampler, but a one-on-one with an accountant. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Wamp it up! Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here.

Very special episode we have. Did I mention my name is Scott Aukerman? I don't think I did at the top of the show in case you're very confused. My name is Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of this show. It's been, we're in our 16th year at this point and- Jesus. So how old does that make me?

Well, this podcast was just 16. If you know what I mean. Again, this is where you're gonna get canceled over and over and over again. Is it weird to talk about a podcast being 16 years old? Yes, especially if you get so like gross about it. All right. Well, we have, this is a very special episode

because we are gonna be talking to an accountant. Can't wait. And that's the only guest, unfortunately. And- Hello, hello everyone. Hi, Scott, I'm back. Hi. Hello. Sorry to interrupt. Who's this? Hello? This is my gardener.

Is this the Hollywood agent? I don't think so. Have you come to discover me? Excuse me, sir, we're in the middle of a show. I have a one-on-one with an accountant coming up. I may be dressed as your gardener, but that is not my true identity. You're holding a leaf blower.

They said that leaf blower. It's I, Ron Snapper, remember? The host of podcast rescue. How are you, Scott? How are you, Marissa? Hello, hello. Good. Wonderful. Ron Snapper.

Rod, refresh my memory. Rod Snapper, host of Podcast Rescue. It's a television show in which I take fledgling or failing in your case podcasts and I turn them around. I give them my signature tough love. Shouldn't this be a podcast and not a television show? That's where you're wrong, Fred. They need to see my bowl in a china shop energy

on the screen, okay? It's not enough to have it contained to audio. What's weird, Ron, is that you're just filming yourself with a selfie stick. That's right. I've got a selfie stick. I have an old flip cam, remember those? I have that clumsily attached to a selfie stick. I'll be filming the majority of this.

Why not attach it in a real way rather than clumsily? Because I can't afford a new selfie stick. I can't filming the majority of this. Why not attach it in a real way rather than classically? Because I can't afford a new selfie stick! I can't imagine both of you on the same show, and yet here it is happening. And yet here we are, and the people are loving it! The Discord is lighting up already, Scott. They love it. Rod Zapper, let me ask you a question. Please! Okay? Why are you coming today when I'm on the show? If anything, I'm the podcast rescue.

No, look, of course. Look, this is this is not one of my signature ambushes. OK, it does feel like an ambush. But this but this is a follow up ambush. Oh, OK. Oh, this is the pulse. That's right. Because you were on the show before. Yes. Nobody remembers. I was on the show in January 2022. And and I did. And this is post covid, I guess. Post covid. I was on the show in January 2022. Wow.

So this is post-COVID, I guess? Post-COVID. COVID-ish? Well, from my point of view, everything is pre-COVID because COVID never happened. Oh, no. Problematic. I don't want to get into my politics, but that's a taste of them. That's a taste.

That's just a little taste of some of the things I believe. No thanks. You can check out my sub stack for more. that I'm just a little taste of some of the things I believe. You can check out my sub stack for more. But yeah, so I came on back then and I rescued your podcast. And since then, the podcast has completely turned around. It's become a huge success. And I just wanted to come in and do a follow-up to see how my changes have been implemented

and how they've affected. So I went back, I actually went back to check my previous appearance to see how far we'd come. And do you know what I learned? Okay, what'd you learn? My previous appearance is not available on the archives. Well, you gotta get a subscription to CBD World. I'm a Maximus subscriber! Well, it's in there! Well, I couldn't find it in the RSS feed when I scrolled back. Oh no, you scrolled down. Is there anything sadder than a man scrolling through the RSS feed searching his own name? It's almost as sad as you Googling Helen Mirren Bikini, Helen Mirren Bikini. What is Helen Mirren Bikini Young?

No, it's not young. You want to be Googling Helen Mirren Caligula Topless. Thank you, Rob. Thank you. Well, thank you. Well, it's just a simple Google, it's my homepage. It's the live refresh of those search results. Hello. Some other things popped up

that I don't think are Helen Mirren. Hey, well, what they're doing with AI these days, who knows what you're looking at? Who knows what's going on? Ron Snapper, you were on the show before. I was on the show before several years ago and since then things have completely turned around. Back then you were losing $72,000 a minute

hosting this podcast. Oh God, that's a lot. That's a heavy bleed. It's a heavy bleed. That's what she said. With some of the length of some of those episodes that's what she said. Right.

That was a lot of money. Yes, a lot of money. But you know what know what we've turned it all around we have you've reduced your overhead greatly Because you finally gotten out of one of those nice Studios that people can comfortably park at your hour just did a fucking small smelly cat Infested pool. The cats are still you've left the cats are still here They're in the walls. If you can't hear them scratching in there. My house seems to be saying meow.

Yeah, it is. Yes, but luckily the mics aren't picking it up. And so if mics work in a space like this, they work. That's all you need. We have a special filter that gets out all the gas. Beautiful. See, look at this, Scott. You're taking the initiative.

You're buying special filters to strain out the cats in your walls. What? Look at the amount of, the type of guests that you've had on the show. Thank you. Thank you. Well, thank you, Rod. Well, sure, legacy, you know, returning legacy guests,

like Marissa Wabler, very powerful. Very powerful. Speaking of which, you- This is like when Trista and Ryan come on The Baselworld, they're having problems. Why have you watched every episode of that show? What is wrong with you? I don't even know who Trista is!

She was the first success story. Oh my God! The first bachelorette, she married Ryan. This makes- And now they're separating. This makes all the sense in the world. They hung on longer than the Golden Bachelors. Three months they made it.

I'd like to rescue their marriage. You should, that could be your next show. One of them might be dead by now. Till death do we part. Why are you guys such ageists, honestly? Because no one wants to see anyone over 45. Hey, did you know they did a study and apparently men over 35 dancing makes younger women feel sick.

Literally makes them feel sick. This isn't a bit. They did a scientific study. I can confirm this in my years of rescuing. I rescued a few dance podcasts, which is not a successful format to begin with. It leaves a lot to the band. That's tough to start with. And let me tell you, when the hosts were, I mean, even Savion Glover, remember him? Yeah, we loved him. Bring it to noise! Bring it to funk!

We loved him until age 35. Yeah, as soon as he... Now we abhorred. Disgusting. Little girls vomiting seeing him tap dance near Big Bird. Yep. It's horrible. By the way, just near.

Just nearby. Do you know what it next to Big Bird? Nearby. He couldn't get too involved. Big Bird. Yep. It's horrible. By the way, just near. Just nearby. You don't want it next to Big Bird. Nearby. He couldn't get too involved. Big Bird adjacent. That's right. So we took your suggestions, you're saying? You took my suggestions.

Look, you took a lot of shrewd business decisions. Because what's weird is we're having a one-on-one with an accountant this episode. It seems like we're doing poorly. I beg to differ. You haven't heard what this accountant has to offer. We've got Marissa Wampler here. Yeah.

You own 51% of her podcast, which is a real undercutting. You're not making any money. You're, if anything, you're losing it because you have to keep paying for the subscription fee to keep us on it. But you've had guests like Mr. Bongos himself, Jack Wade from a best picture winning film, Oppenheimer. That's right.

It doesn't get anything from that. All he does is play the bongos in the background for some of the scenes. Yes. But he was on. Yes. Great. And it's that attention to detail

that makes Christopher Nolan truly one of the people I see walking around in this neighborhood. I don't think it was Nolan's atten- yeah, you do see him walking around with his dogs. Yep. I don't think it was Nolan's, yeah, you do see him walking around with his dogs. Yeah. I don't think it's his attention to detail. I think Jack saw one picture of him holding bongos

and decided he would hold them in every scene. And that's a strong choice, and we applaud that. And you make strong choices, and that's why this show has become so successful. So I want to say, you're welcome. You're welcome for making me. I didn't thank you, but I do, I mean, we are doing okay. We're in our 16th year.

We just had a big 16th anniversary. That's where you're wrong. Not about the 16th year, but about you doing okay. Listen, there's always room to get better. And as much as this is one of my follow-up success stories so far, it's also a huge failure. Because you have failed to pivot to the next stage of the podcast game.

Oh, what? What is that? Yeah, I don't even know. What's that? We're stage of the podcast game. Oh, what? What is that? Yeah, I don't even know. What's that? We're one of the original podcasts. It's something you've probably never even experimented with. What? Video.

Oh. Video. We did some video. I don't know if anybody wants to see who's on the podcast. I mean, the problem with videos is like a lot of the guests don't wanna come wearing makeup. Yeah. And don't even wanna take a picture.

They won't take a picture actually. They will not have a photo taken. And I may have them way far away in the background of a picture. No, you could have a caricature of them wearing sunglasses. Spliced into this picture, but you will not see your face.

Okay, if I draw a caricature right now. Yes. Yes. Then you can put that in. And it can be realistic? I'm underage. I don't want my photo. You're not underage anymore.

You're 50. I'm underage. If she's over 50, does that make any key demographic sick? Ha ha ha ha ha. Obviously you guys, because you hate old women. I'm going to draw you David Wayne style. Fine, go for it. The drawing of this caricature is the perfect kind of thing

we could be capturing on video for our social sky. Well, you should have Dabney back on, the caricature that we met at Six Flags. Who? I thought you were suggesting deceased actor Dabney Coleman. Oh, but I'd love- Oh, Dabney Coleman person, you mean?

Yes. He's still with us. Yeah, Dabney, we should have him. A lot of people were very worried about him when recent news of Dabney Coleman- Yeah, they mean? Yes! He's still with us. Yeah, Dabney, we should have him in. A lot of people were very worried about him when recent news of Dabney Coleman rest- Yeah, they thought that it was the same. Rest impossible? No. No, Dabney Kohlperson is still with us. Okay, good, thank God.

Thank God. He is very old though. Thank God. He's older than Dabney Coleman. Yeah. He's from every state. Okay, that's making me sick. He is from every state. Hearing about that is making me sick.

This is a very realistic picture, by the way. Great, I can't wait to see it. It's so wonderful to draw pictures. And the listeners can't wait to see it either. It's so wonderful to talk about pictures. Are these forehead wrinkles accurate? Oh my! See what I mean?

From the top row. You see what I mean, right? Listeners, he hates women. Women? You hate women. I hate wrinkles on women. Oh my God. Let me tell you something.

If Scott were more actively hating women on this podcast, he'd be doing a lot better. I know. The numbers would be a lot better. Maybe you should make like a Joe Rogan pivot. Yeah. Well, he's on video, right? He's on video. He's got all seven hours of his podcasts are available on video every... See, this is

a key element of podcasting. People need to see the faces of the fun people they're having a parasocial relationship with. They want to hang out with them. They want to feel like I'm in the room with the barstool chuds. I'm watching them talk about the porn that they subscribe to. Barstool chuds? Is that a real hot chat? No, that's just me referring to the men who work at Barstool. To me, they fit under the umbrella of chuds.

And we could use one or two of them on this podcast. Is a chud something you call a boner that's half inflated? No, it's a cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller. Sure, that's one interpretation of a chud. What you're thinking of is a chode. A chode. You're thinking of a chode. A chode is wider than it is long.

Like a mini Coke can. And by the way, if. A chode is wider than it is long. Like a mini Coke can. And by the way, if you have a choice, this is another PSA. If you have a choice between a dong that looks like a mechanical pencil or a mini Coke can, you're going to pick the mini Coke can every time. This explains why my subscriber numbers are down on my solo vids. I do that. You have solo vids? You have an only fan? my solo vids. I do that. I make some solo vids to put together some cash between seasons

of my show. So I do quietly do some solo vids on the side. Quietly. There's silent solo vids with a little touch of ASMR. Yeah, that off Yeah, you can hear the person in the holiday and extended suites next to me You can hear your mom at the other room like get out of the bathroom You can just hear people blasting MSNBC next door. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it's just sort of me quietly trying to focus and maintain interaction Well crying. Well, yeah, sure, but that's a natural lubricant the tears. I don't know that we're pivoting to video Again, Ron snapper Times have you been on the show? I've been on the show once Yeah snappers. Where do the snappers hail from? What's your GDL? You ever done 23 and me Ron? Sure

I've done 23 and me that came back in conclusive. Oh, really? Those are the results. It said, we're not sure possible animal DNA contamination. Whoa. Okay. Does that also mean none of your relatives are in the database? No one's in the database. The snappers do not trust internet cataloging of their DNA. Okay.

And frankly, none of you should. And with the way Biden's taking this country. Okay. I don't know. I'm sorry. Your politics. There we go. It's I don't know. I want to get into your politics. Yeah, I just, you know, it's just like finding it into politics, just not your politics. That's right. And that's the last thing I want to do.

Although I unfortunately did 23 and me and I found out I am 42 percent Neanderthal. That's high. That's that's extremely high, which. Which I always knew was a possibility because of the meaty size of my calves and my extremely heavy bones. Is the other 58% just a bread crust and cream cheese? Basically, they said there was too much high carb count for them to actually get any kind of accurate DNA,

but they did say it was 42% Neanderthal. So you're on the left-hand side on that evolutionary scale. You're like crouching down. Hunched over. Yeah, thicker brow. That makes sense why I have such a thick brow. Yeah, heavy brow, shorter stature, thicker legs, short, short, thick legs.

Yeah, you have like toads for legs. short, short, thick legs. Yeah. You have like toads for legs. Yeah, exactly. A wide, a wide belly area, which is why most tankinis don't fit. No, you look like you're wearing like one of those pool floaties. That's right.

But then you get too close, you're like, oh, that's just part of it. And that's human skin. Yeah. Yeah. You'd surprise. And all the hair, the body hair explains the body hair. I've often wondered if I was part Neanderthal because of my aggressive nature and my mistrust of fire Wow you seem so

Docile Ron Given any aggression well I already gave to got my tough love two years ago and it paid off and so I'm gonna have to give some more of it Again, you need to get some cameras in here I'm gonna have to give some more of it again. You need to get some cameras in here. I'm pulling out my selfie stick. Honestly, Ron, for the most part, I'm forgetting that you're next to me.

That's how not aggressive you are. I forget you're here. Perhaps that says more about your own awareness. Perhaps. You're making me look inward, Ron Snapper. And see, if there were cameras in here, no one would forget who was next to who. We'd be able to chop it up into digestible little clips

for our socials. The teens would be able to share it on TikTok. They'd be able to say, look at this funny shaped woman. She's she's wider. I take offense to that. I am the shape of an upside down pyramid. And that is that's not a funny shape to you. In many cultures, that is a prized shape.

Name one culture where that's a prized shape. Rhode Island. OK, the facts a prized shape. Name one culture where that's a prized shape. Rhode Island. Okay. The facts check out on that. That is accurate. They're known for their clams and their upside down pyramid shaped women. And they're mayors who tied their rivals to chairs and beat them with a baseball bat.

That's right. But great marinara sauce. Great marinara sauce. So Ron, you were on the show before? See, and this kind of recurring bit could be a great bit for socials. I don't know that we're doing video on the show. I know some people-

Too late, I've already been filming video of this whole thing. Okay, look, here's a few things you could do to incorporate into clips for socials. We could be talking about the Sigma grind set. Are you familiar with the grind set mentality? Sort of, yes. I know about Sigma. You got a grind, Scott. You could be calmly talking about how you wake up at 3 a.m., you immediately open Mark Wahlberg's prayer app.

What? Then you listen to... On that app, does he recite prayers or does he just give you prayers that you're supposed to do? I'll pull it up right here. It looks like, okay, it's just his face pops up and it's a picture of him from Ash Wednesday when he's got the ashes on the forehead.

Yeah, I remember the picture. And it's just him, it's a bit of a jib jab, it looks like just him going, stay prayed up. Stay prayed up, okay. And then it just gets it, then it's glitching from here. I don't really know what's going on. Oh, they gotta work out those kinks. I don't really know what's right. Oh, they gotta work out those kinks.

Do you have that next to the Jeremy Renner app? That's my favorite app. Oh, I always check that for updates on his music. Are you familiar with his music? No! Do a deep dive on YouTube of him drinking tequila and covering House of the Rising Sun. It's bad.

The app just seemed to stop one day. The app just stopped. It stopped cold. And there's a picture of a snowplow. I don't know exactly what... See? And it's this kind of hot button issue. He's of course in Knives Out 3. Knives Out 3.

Beautiful movie. Not enough people in it. And every day a new person pops up. That's right. Thank God. I think all of us are going to be in it at some point. I like a whodunit where it could be anyone or no one, I don't even care. Yeah, anyone on earth.

That's right. That's what I want the suspects to be. Anyone could wander in. See, and it's us complaining about popular movies that could really go to the top of the socials. Nothing America wants than white men complaining about popular movies. Think of all, if you just did your Star Wars rankings

that you like to do. Ooh! If you did. How do you know about my Star Wars rankings? Because I have a file on you. Those are exclusively on our, you have to do? Ooh! If you did- How do you know about my Star Wars rankings? Because I have a file on you! Those are exclusively on our- you have to stop talking about TMNT on TV. I told you I'm a Maximus subscriber!

He's got a dossier on you. And look, that's the kind of clip that could be driving angry engagement from white men between the ages of 18 and 35. Isn't that what you want? I feel like I'm getting enough of it already. He's captured that audience. Yeah, I've started writing Spider-Man. One issue is out and I've already gotten enough angry white men.

Oh, Scott! Scott, you've walked directly into a woodchipper. God, I hope you didn't have a character of color who knew Spider-Man. I don't know. That'd be a shame. We'll see. But yeah. Anyway, see, it's that kind of disgusting comment like what I just made that could drive a lot

of negative engagement if it was on a video format. We're not gonna do it, I'm sorry. It's just not, it's just not. Okay, okay. I'm just not into it, I'm sorry. Okay, well then I'm gonna film a short little video for your social security. Okay, okay.

Just to be clear, your flip phone doesn't have camera access. It doesn't seem to be taking. There's no lens. I was told there was a lens. I went to eBay and bought an old Sprint phone I saw in season 21 of Survivor that they used to watch videos from their loved ones. I don't know.

And it's got video capability. This seems to only have the videos from the Survivor cast made. Yeah, hold on. You can't actually film out. Friends and family. Oh, it's Rupert crying about his hot wife. Okay, sorry, let me scroll past this. Okay, great.

Okay, now I'm filming a video for social. Okay. Okay, great. Scott, what I do every morning, I wake up at two in the morning and I read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Okay, stoicism is one of the greatest. What's stoicism all about?

It's about like, hit your dog with a hair, like a hair suit, like a hair brush, just waking up and saying life is awful. Marcus Aurelius began every day by hitting his dog with a hair brush. Are we saying dog or dog? It's hard what What are we saying? He does both.

He did both. Stoicism. One for you, one for me. That's right. Stoicism is about giving yourself horrible little homework assignments every day that you have to complete at the expense of fostering any real interpersonal relationships.

It's about creating a restrictive framework that keeps you from enjoying any of life's little pleasures. That sounds like high school. I dropped out of that. Well, you should have stayed focused because that's the sigma grindset, guys. And that's why I'm selling these pills. I'm selling- Why are you forcing me down my throat? Eat the pills. Eat the pills so that the people can see that they work. Give me that pill.

There you go. He doesn't even know what the pill is and he's that the people can see that they work He doesn't even know what the pill is and he's eating the damn thing See he's eating the pill. Okay, this pill. What are these pills? What is the aftertaste? The aftertaste? I'm glad you asked That's raw earth. Cause the taste is bad enough. That's peat moss. That's a fine peat moss That's gonna get you your iron levels back up. He put mine in peanut butter like you then shoved it down my throat like you would a dog Well, they do have to be administered dog style. You can put them in a pill pocket if you put it in one of those little treats. Why did you put this cone around my neck? Well, it's the cone of shame, Scott.

You won't pivot to video. You should be ashamed of yourself. Okay? Okay. Great. And cut. See, that's going to play great on Pimp Die. I don't know.

Look, your name is Ron Snapper. My name's Ron Snapper, I've been on the show before. You've been on the show before. We need to take a break. I need to get to this accountant. Okay, well, if you don't like me being- They've been sitting here, what are you supposed to be a one-on-one show?

Hey, if you don't like the way the show is going, there's the door, and that's my classic catchphrase. Oh, that's right. Okay, that's the one thing I remember. I had to give it to you. The end. There's the door. There's the door. Okay, we're gonna take a break. When we. The end. There's the door. There's the door.

Okay, we're gonna take a break. When we come back, I don't know that Ron or Beck, or I'm sorry, no, Ron or Marissa will still be here. Who's Becky? Becky's the accountant coming up. Fuck Becky. Fuck Becky. Becky with the good hair?

I dare you to say that to her face. I'm gonna fight this bitch. Do it, it'll be a great clip. I'll stay, I'll be making solo vids in the corner. Why are you crying again, Ron? Get it together! It's just a natural response my body has to when it sees my own camera. All right, we need to take a break. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Womp it up? Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Marissa Wampler is still here. Is Womping it up, baby! Still Womping

it up. What's going on with all of the, how many episodes of Wamp It Up did you do? Oh, God, it's hard to tell. Seven, 14? You did over 100 at least. Did we? You did a lot, yeah. God damn it, then we should be seeing some residual.

You've done a lot of episodes, they're all over at CBB World right now. Yeah. We just put them up. I don't see a cent. Don't see a cent. But you know, some DiGiorno coupons coming your way. Can't wait.

Can't wait to get more of those. That's right. They're all there. And also there's this book that you're very upset about, which is, what's it called again? The Art of Small Talk. The Art of Small Talk. These girls, I wouldn't even call them girls.

Talk about old women. These are- Oh, I'm gonna be sick. Talk about a hackitude, okay? We got Casey Wilson and Jessica St. Clair wrote this audio book called The Art of Small Talk with how to teach people how to small talk. A lot of people hate it. Did you know that? I've just attempted your nose. It didn't seem to go well. Why does it look like a pig?

I'm going to try to shave. It looks like a pig's nose. I'm going to give you rhinoplasty on this. Please. All right. Anyway, so yeah, I'm pretty pissed because it was my idea. I'm obviously to try to shave. It looks like a pith nose. I'm going to give you rhinoplasty on this. Please. All right. Anyway, so yeah, I'm pretty pissed because it was my idea. I'm obviously the queen of small talk.

Turn slightly to your left. Turn, what? Again, this is where when you say things like this- Not big enough. Okay. Yeah, I course corrected too, but- No, you know what? I actually, I actually-

You got to time. I did get surgery on my nose to make it more bulbous. Yeah. A lot of people thin it, but I actually thickened it because that's something- You got to, you got to- I did get surgery on my nose to make it more bulbous. Yeah. A lot of people thin it, but I actually thickened it because that's something- It looks like you have gin blossoms as well. That's right.

Just to give myself more of that Neanderthal flavor. I had the same procedure done, but on my throat. I had my throat enlarged. What? You had your Adam apple? Yeah, not the Adam's apple, the whole throat. See how it looks like a bullfrog? Yeah, it does. When I breathe it in.

Yeah. You're also, you're eating flies for some reason. Yeah, I'm eating flies. Scott, you got a problem with that? You gotta grind, baby. Marcus Aurelius would begin every day by eating six to seven flies. I made your eyes look really sad.

I forgot, because I'm here. Wow. That actually is the reflection of how I feel. That looks like the top of Benjamin Franklin's head. I'm going to have you holding a kite with a key. Have you guys seen Michael Douglas playing him? Michael Douglas played him? If Michael Douglas dressed as Ben Franklin were to dance a jig in a Parisian brothel,

I would be sick. I don't think Catherine Zeta-Jones would let him anywhere near down there, which gave him cancer. He, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Too soon. Really, it was like 10 years ago. Too soon. Look, we have to get to our next guest. Our first guest, actually, because you two were not planned.

I was an ambush, but of the good kind. Yeah, I don't think there is a good kind of an ambush. I think the word ambush connotates excitement. Please stop talking about my bush, my hairy bush. All right, so enough. We need to get to our first guest. She is an accountant. We're gonna have an in-depth conversation,

I would imagine, about numbers and taxes. I know there's a lot going on with loan out corporations these days. S-corps. In the entertainment industry, we need to get some clarity on that. Please welcome Becky Girardi. Justin Timberlake, Barack Obama,

Julianne Doerr. Who? Julianne Doerr? Who's that? Ellen DeGeneret. These are just a few of my clients. Oh! Wow. Wow. I mean, I know three of them. I don't know who's the third one.

Julianne Doerr was a hard one to place. You know these people? These are my enemies. What? These are your clients or your enemies? They are both. These are my clients who I help every year with their numbers, with their businesses, with their families,

with their livelihoods, with their salaries. You're an entertainment accountant? Yes. Yeah, a business manager. Yeah, I haven't quite graduated to business manager. But you're an accountant. I'm an accountant. Okay.

Okay. To the stars. To the stars, I'm here to help you. If you become a star, Scott, I will help you. Don't hold your breath. I'd move on. Like I had a window, didn't happen. That's it.

Well, you call me when Hollywood comes knocking. They won't. And that sucks for you. They're doing reverse knocks. It's sort of the sound of like, shoo, like away from the door. Yeah, if they're running away. That's absolutely brutal to have Hollywood

run away from you. But I kind of wish it would happen to me. Why? I don't understand why your clients are your enemies, you were saying? They keep pranking me. Like Ashton Kutcher style? I wish.

I wish there was some benefit. They're not even filming it. Oh, well that's what Ron Snapper would love to get. You gotta film it for socials. What do you mean they're pranking you? What does that mean? I'm the big dork they know. I'm a numbers girl, you know?

You are, I mean, you are, I mean, I've seen, I've had some dorks on this show. Certainly I've rescued some dorks podcasts and this is a great age. There's a lot of D&D podcasts out there. Oh my God. They're trying to make it seem like they're cool. Enough.

Yeah, come on. Oh my God, we got a diverse cast of people playing an inclusive game. I'm bored. Talk about movies you hate. Enough. Yeah, come on guys. Oh my God, we got a diverse cast of people playing an inclusive game. I'm bored! Talk about movies you hate. Ron! Ron! Come on, Ron.

Careful. Listen, I understand where I stand in terms of dorks. I come from a dorky culture. You're like queen of the dorks. What was your 23 in me? 90% dork? Oh, that's my father. My father, 90% dork. Oh, did he intermingle with someone who wasn't a dork? Oh, my father. My father, 90% dork.

Oh, did he intermingle with someone who wasn't a dork? He was 10%, 10% Neanderthal, 90% dork. A dork and a Neanderthal. That's tough. Absolutely, I'm 45% dork, the rest is a percentage of slob. Oh really, you're messy or? I'm messy, I'm sweaty. It's hard.

Messy isn't something you're looking for when you're messy or? I'm messy, I'm sweaty. It's hard. It doesn't, messy isn't something you're looking for when you're looking at an account. Absolutely. I don't want to appear. Is all my account wearing jorts? The jorts are part of the design of how I work. Okay, really? Because I get sweaty legs.

You know what I'm talking about. I do, I feel you, sister. I'm sticking to everything. We're all sweaty guys here. I'm sticking to silk. You know, I'm a woman. I know, I know, I know. But you want it to whisk off, is that right?

I want it to whisk. You know, some of that REI technology, I'm wearing that on my daily. Wonderful. Moisture wicking. Moisture wicking. Constant, and I need whatever wick plus. Are you just making a solo vid right now?

Yeah, sorry, all that. Moisture wicking fabrics make it easier to clean up after yourself. Use promo code snapper. I will be using that code because I need wick plus. I need constant wicking on that code. Is that part of your advice as an accountant is to just use promo codes all the time? Promo code save my life when I'm on the computer. When you've got promo codes in there and you give me the promo codes, I get the help myself. It's like getting a 10% salary bump when you use promo codes.

That's right. Exactly. Exactly. It's incredible to use promo codes. Give me your promo codes. That's the biggest gift any of my clients ever give me is their promo codes. But how are they pranking you? Yeah.

You're the one getting us back on track. I just need to. Somebody hashed you, Scott. I'll give you an example. Please.. I just need to. Somebody has to, Scott. I'll give you an example. Please. Justin Timberlake, he has an S-corp, okay, Timberlong Who Ways. Timberlong Who Ways?

Timberlong Who Ways. Timberlong Who Ways is his production company, he's trying to pivot the movie, and so I was at his house helping him. Justin Timberlake in movies, good luck with that. Right, listen, I don't think- You know that one where like your time was written on your arm or something like that?

Oh yeah. Anyway. Vincent Cartizer was in it. Okay. Go on. Cut it back, yeah, babe. Another guy who had a window. It's true, I gotta catch these people in their windows.

So I'm in Justin Timberlake's window, I'm actually in his house, I'm helping him through his receipts. So you have Justin Timberlake on the wane. I got him on the wane. When he's considering 98 degree, or what was he in? Ensign.

Ensign. Considering the reunion. He's considering the reunion. He's, I'm in the room. He's not asking me for the advice, but I'm in the room, I was sweatily going through his papers. Right.

Then this guy, you know, when people are stressed, they think, how can I hold power over somebody? Right. You know, and they go, oh, dork alert. So he says to me, oh, your car's getting towed outside. I go, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, that's my mom's car. Right. I rush outside, the car's getting towed.

I go, please, I beg you, I'll give you anything. This is my mom's car. She's gonna fucking annihilate me if I don't give this car back to her tonight, okay? The tow truck- Is this every night you have to give it back to her? Does she work nights or? I gotta give it back to her, she doesn't work nights.

Wait, is that your hearse parked outside? Yes, my mom is in the death business. When you say in the death business, what side of it? Causing it or? I would say healing it. Healing? You know, when somebody dies. She EMT, oh no, somewhere after somebody.

Does she transport the body? Bringing the dead back to life. It's happened once. It has. It happened once. Jesus Christ, very famously, and John Lennon. John Lennon. Two men we should be living more like.

Well, John Lennon, that one scooped her business because she brought the one guy back to life, but he wasn't a celebrity. That's why I got the idea. I got to work with celebrities always. That's how you got the idea to work with celebrities. Smart. Yeah. It's very smart.

So Justin Timberlake, my car's getting towed. I'm screaming for help. I say, beg of you, I beg you, there's a body in the back. Please don't. You're driving around with dead bodies. Yeah, my mom had a night shift in this heat, in this heat, in the California heat. Really different than when I lived in Connecticut. Different. Really different. Okay. That's probably not the interesting part of the story.

But I'm interested in the humanity. I lived outside in New Haven. Not quite, you know, we're not the dryness. No, there's moisture. Please, I beg of you to get back on track. Now it's me. So my car's getting torn. I'm begging for my life. I'm skiing moisture. Please, I beg of you to get back on track. Now it's me. So my car's getting torn. I'm begging for my life. I'm skiing in my knees because I'm in the jorts and I'm on the driveway begging and pleading.

You're like down on your hands and knees begging. I'm down. I'm banging. I'm banging. I'm banging. Right. And that sound, you don't make a big impact on a driveway. No, you don't.

The driveway's too powerful. Then Justin goes, ha ha. And I turn around, he's laughing at me. The person in the tow truck takes off their mask, it's his mom. And he goes pranked you. Why not just, why the mask? Did you know that that, it's kind of easy to see

if somebody's wearing a mask. Were you concerned? Tell that to me 25 minutes ago, walking in as the gardener. Okay, it's for a mask. Were you concerned? Tell that to me 25 minutes ago, walking in as the gardener, okay? It's for dramatic effect. The point is, Ron, nobody cares who you are or remembers your face. I, again, every time you talk,

I get shocked that you're here. I think you don't have object permanence. That may be true. That may be part of your problem. It is one of my problems. You turn to the left and I'm gone. That's what got me into the Stars Academy. I have the object permanence of a two-year-old.

That's honestly an incredible skill to harness because I wish I could forget all these pranks happening to me. I understand. You sound horrible. Did Justin Timberlake's mom then take your car away or was this all just the prank? It was all the prank. Didn't this happen to him?

You think you think hurt people hurt people, Scott. Ooh. So this originally, this is like his famous punk, right? Where his car is getting towed and he cries, right? And he's crying, he made me cry. Was his mom involved? His mom, she was probably in the bushes or some shit, I don't know. Yeah, probably.

Because she seems like the original prankster. She took off her mask and you asked me, did I notice she had a mask on? I don't like to judge women. I am a woman. I thought it- I do. Run!

Well- Sorry, sorry. Yeah, I get shocked every time we talk. And that's your thing to talk about with the devil, you know? You're right. That's what you gotta talk about with him. Or her.

Thank you. So the prank was just to embarrass you? It's him, humiliate me. Humiliate you because you're such a dork. Because I'm such a dork. It was awful. This is terrible. And this is happening with all my clients. They now know Justin gave them the Te Pati-hi,

you can prank Becky, so they're all doing it. You've become a mark. I'm a mark. And I'm Becky. Not a good kind of mark, like the one with the app. Yeah, not- Yeah. Wahlberg, stay prayed up. Oh, I thought you meant Ruffalo.

He has an app? He should. He should. He has an app that gives you little kisses in the morning if you're single. Just pranks you about politics? Yeah, and that too. Like very specific politics.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So who else has pranked you now? Barack Obama. Barack Obama is your client? He is my client. He has an escort. Wait, is it Barack Obama Barack Obama's your He is my client. He has a S Corp above Wait is it Barack Obama our former president or Barack Obama is what I heard Well, Barack Obama Barack Obama Barack Obama Barack Obama was the president, but I have not my president

Okay I have to say that it's unfortunate. There's a lot of My slippery fingers they they got little typos. It doesn't end up mattering when I submit it to the IRS. It seems like it would. It seems like that. An attention to detail would be- Precision is- Number one.

I fix it all up before I send it out to the guys. But sometimes there's typos when I'm just interacting. He's Obama in my books right now. But he got the word from JT, he said, I could prank Becky. OK, so what did he do? I was at a red light. It was in my mom's car. That hurts. Had a body in the back.

It was cooking. It was the middle of summer. Is there air conditioning? It's a dry heat. The air conditioning is the windows. That's tough. OK, that's not air. OK, but you open the window. I open the windows. A Flintstone car. Yes. What I'm picturing. Yes. I got a little hamster wheel that's got a crank to get that window down. Sure. Unbelievable. And I'm at a red light and I see, oh my God, there's a man screaming on the side of the road, held my babies trapped. Oh, God. Underneath this car. Underneath the car? Oh, no. And I said, oh my God, I mean, I'm at a red light, but I'll put it in park.

Okay. You know, I gotta help the man with the baby. We don't need every step of the way here. Yeah, I put it in park. Yeah. And that car, it's P that puts it in park. Okay, fine. Yes, I'm... If she hadn't established that the whole rest of the time, I'd be wondering,

is the car rolling down the street? Exactly. I put it in park. Thank you. Sure. I put it in park, and for my money, I feed the hamster, I get out of the car rolling down the street? Exactly. I put it in park. Thank you. I put it in park and for my money, I feed the hamster and get out of the car. Right. Close it, lock the door. Lock the door?

Oh no. Oh, but you have a key. Lock the door. I got the key. Lock the door. I'm gonna write that down. Lock the door. Because I'm leaving the car.

Okay, got it. I go up to the man and say, hello, what's going on? I say, oh, my baby is trapped under this car. I say, oh my God, it's only mothers that get the strength to lift the car. Or Bill Bixby, yeah. Or Bill Bixby. They get the strength to lift the car with the baby.

And you've never had kids? I don't have kids. I haven't had the fortune. Have you ever had sex? Well, I'm- You know what? Don't answer that. You don't have to answer that. This could be a good clip for socials.

I'm representing you. Don't answer that. I have to tell you that the prank kind of't answer that. You don't have to answer that. This could be a good clip for socials. I'm representing you. Don't answer that. I have to tell you that the prank kind of relates to that. Oh, okay. Continue, please. So I actually, I summon the strength. You know, I summon the- You did it. I summon the strength of my mother.

I pretend I'm the baby. What would my mother do? I don't have kids of my own. I can't put myself in the position of a mother. Sure, but then you imagine your relationship, the relationship between your mother and yourself. Exactly, and that gives me some strength. I go, I can do it.

And I lift the car, I lift the car, I get the baby. Okay. It looked like a doll to me, but I'm not trying to judge. Especially because it was a girl. I don't want to judge her. And then she feels like how I look. You don't want to judge a little girl's appearance.

Exactly. Oh, you look like a pretty little doll. You look like a plastic doll. Right. Oh, now you're like pro women. Interesting. Hey, it's a good thing to be. Yeah.

You know. Ron knows. The social media metrics would beg to differ. Okay, okay. Well, I take the doll looking baby out and I go, here's your baby, you know, because thank you so much God, I'm so single these days. I don't know how to keep track of my baby. I'm so single. That's very single So I thought well, I'm single too. Oh my god, this is a come on and I look handsome, right?

So I thought nothing more attractive than a man who who has let his baby get trapped under a car. But seeks help. But asks for help. He's not like one of those guys that's not asking for directions. Nothing more attractive than a helpless man who has stepped. Is this trapped under a wheel or just there's a baby underneath the actual car?

It was strapped to the under carriage. So someone had strapped it there. Speed style, Keanu Reeves style? Yeah, yeah, the baby would explode if the car wasn't parked. This little baby Furiosa. Baby Furiosa, possibly. We don't know who she could grow up to be. Sure.

That's why I didn't want to judge her. All babies have such great possibilities. It's incredible. And then they grow up to be mainly jerks. We don't know. Yeah, maybe a jerk, maybe a celebrity prankster. Maybe a guy making solo vids at a holiday in extended stay. Oh, God, I love a holiday and I wish.

I wish I could stay there. What's the nicest hotel you've ever been to? The nicest hotel I've stayed in, I was allowed to crash in the back of a Motel 6 because the owner is my mom's cousin. Why you keep winking at me? Why you keep winking? She's letting you in on a major opportunity. Is the owner your cousin or not?

The owner is my mom's cousin. They became cousins through a crime. You know, where you become kind of like... Family. Like you have sex with your cousin? Why would you go there? That is a crime, isn't it? It is a crime, but if you're both kind of...

Into it? Yeah. Your Honor, we were into it. It is a crime, but if you're both kind of... Into it? Yeah. Your Honor, we were into it. People look the other way. They look the other way. Case dismissed. They look the other way.

And if you have chemistry, if you pass a chemistry test from the judge... Oh, okay. You do a chemistry read? If you told me Travis and Taylor were cousins, I would be cool with that. That's how much their love inspires me and inspires America. Those are pranks. they're pranksters too. What? Are they pranking America?

They're pranking, listen, I got a lot of, I ended up sleeping with this man on the side of the road. But- Smart. Wait, you did it on the side of the road or did you wait? Because the come on happened there and it was too passionate. Wherever someone comes on to you, that's where you have to- That's where you do it because you gotta keep the juice alive. Roll. God forbid you end up at the side of the juice alive. Just stop, drop, and roll. Yeah.

God forbid you end up at the side of the Motel 6 and the fire isn't alive anymore. You gotta keep, I'm gonna, that's an aha moment. Strike while the iron is hot. You gotta keep the juice alive. That's right. You keep the juice alive. All right, BoJ.

So then what happens, because this is all like, sounding like a fun, happy ending to me. So. That's what she said. I went, well, I wish there was a happy ending. I went, the baby didn't cry and we were kind of hooting and hollering. And I realized the baby, the baby I thought was a doll, was a doll. And I flick it and stuff.

I flick the baby. It doesn't move. It doesn't cry. It doesn't cry. Okay. Mask comes off. It's Barack Obama. Come on.

The baby? The man. The man. You had sex with Barack Obama? He took a mask off of his penis. His penis as well? It wasn't his penis. His penis had been hidden.

Oh, it was a dildo? It was a dildo. Oh. So I didn't. No. It was horrible. And he said, pranked you. Pranked.

Wow. Pranked you. Pranked. That's inappropriate. Is this a sexual crime? Is this a sexual crime? And then I said, can I report this as sexual crime? And he said, I used to be the president. And then you just dropped it.

And I just dropped it. And then I pulled the mask off the baby. Michelle. We all know SCOTUS is ruling a presidential immunity. That was Michelle. Michelle isn't, she's laughing up a storm. What's the baby? She's laughing up a storm.

Michelle was the baby. This is, wow. It's unbelievable. This is. Michelle was the baby. She's laughing up a storm. Michelle was the baby. This is, wow. It's unbelievable. This is a bad, bad story. It's a bad story. It's a bad story to be a dork next to celebrities. They really think they got you. Have you ever thought about maybe switching careers?

No. Or trying to become more cool? Driving dead bodies around. Or maybe dropping your clients the impractical jokers. Getting back? I love Sal, Q, Joe, and the impractical jokers. Getting back. I love Sal, Q, Joe, and the other one. You gotta get rid of them. I love them.

You can't get rid of them. My guys? You're right, what am I saying? Where am I supposed to get lunch, if not for the IJs? I get lunch with them every day, they buy me lunch. How nice. How often does it turn out to not be lunch? My God, more often than you'd think.

I would think every time. The amount of ambrosias I've bitten in and it's plastic fruits. You walk into a pizza place and it's like clearly drywall was just put up hours before. Exactly. And everything mirrors. Exactly. That's how you know you're getting pregnant. Everything mirrors. Everything mirrors. I walk into what I think is a Subway sandwich with my guys, the walls fall down, it's a Best Buy, and I'm buying a TV that doesn't work. That's a really good one. It's unbelievable. That's a great prank. Unbelievable. Do you guys remember

that show Betty White's Off Their Rockers? Yes. Do I? No! I had a friend who had a TV show, their first TV show, and the lead in was Betty White's Off Their Rockers. That's not a good sign. And then her TV show was so unsuccessful that they would rather run reruns of Betty White's Off Their Rockers than original episodes of her show.

Could you believe that? You can't even retain a 94 year old audience. That's exactly right. You gotta ask the network if that's some sort of prank. Because it might've been a prank. I wish it was, that was reality. Wow. Well, this is, I mean, Becky,

this is a terrible, terrible story. Thank you. I can't solve it. I mean, I feel like, you know how in a man listens to a woman's story, always tries to solve it instead of just being empathetic. Or he gets sick. of just being a that or he gets just listen. Yeah. Yeah I just he gets sick. Yeah Excuse me. Yeah, I gotta go throw up some

I'm just gonna be empathetic and say I'm so sorry that this is happening to thank you I don't have any kind of solution for it, but I will say we are running out of time I expected to have a full hour with you. Yeah, but Lots of oxygen. It's my fault. I guess I got shocked again. My heart can't take these shocks every time you talk. This is, it's terrible what's happening to you,

but we are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is of course a little something called Plugs. I'm quiet to a plug song, so I'll do a plug song, anyone like this one now. I'm gonna do a plug song, so I'll do a plug song, anyone like this one now. Hey, nice and short. I love that.

That was New File Teeny Tiny Pluggy Wuggy by the Kevbot. Thank you so much to the Kevbot. If you have a plugs theme, either opening or closing, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and upload your theme and you can be famous for a week. And Kevbot, you're famous. And what do we plug in? Let's see, I guess I'll go to our one real guest. Do you have anything to plug, Becky?

I would say that lately I've been a fan. Another client of mine, Rekha Shankar, she's a performer. Really, she's a client. She's not a celebrity whatsoever. Yet. Put her in a celebrity whatsoever. Yet. But, yeah. Put her in a movie at one point. Okay, but you know.

That must've been a good, I mean, I don't know what we paid her, but. Listen. And DiGiorno's certificates probably. I do, I've got your financials up here right now. You have my financials? Oh no. Listen, Scott.

The pay rate, it was not a good idea. I don't think DiGiorno coupons count as pay. I tried to use some of those and... Expired. They were expired. Says here you paid her in DiGiorno coupons and Zac Galifianakis beard trimmings? Oh. Yeah.

It's a bag of trimmings. She was kind of destitute that year, unfortunately. But she does have some shows coming up. You could check out her website, reikashanker.com, follow her on socials, drop out that TV, yada, yada, yada. And just, you know. I don't know, actually, you're gonna have to elucidate further. Yeah, we don't know.

I guess, you know, just like, you know, follow her and shit so that one day. What's her Instagram? Her Instagram is R-E-K-H-A underscore S. Great. And you know, I hope to God that's not a freaking prank because she'd be giving me this information I haven't tested it. Yeah, but maybe it's a virus. She's a comedian. She might be breaking her ass. Yeah

Yeah, it really does You know what I'll take plugs from you guys, even though you weren't meant to be on the run Course you need to watch Podcast Rescue. It's available on Paramount++. That's the web-only format. It's only available on web browsers within the continental Canada. And it's like only on mobile, right?

Like while you're on the toilet? Yeah. It was built into Verizon's Go90 app. Remember that? How we would all be turning our phones 90 degrees. Going 90! So it's built into that. We all said it for a period of time.

A hot second. Yeah. When I went to bed I said, going 90. That's it. It's not a bad piece of slang for having sex. It's what I say every time I start a solo vid. I go, okay folks, we're going 90. Because it only takes 90 seconds.

I wish. I wish! Anyway, listen. Another catchphrase for Ron Saffron. There's the door and I wish. So listen, you can watch my show, but more importantly, you should be checking in on... Scott, if you want inspiration for someone who's playing the social media game perfectly, it's comedian Devin Field. You can follow him at that Devin Field on all platforms. I've heard about this guy. I guess I've chosen not to, but I haven't heard about it. He posts very occasionally, rarely to grid, very half-assed promotions of his own improv shows.

Okay, but very six-faceted. This man has pranked me, so. Oh, Devin Field has pranked you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. He pretended I won a big Pricewaterhouse Cooper lottery check thing. Oh, did he have the big check for you? Yeah, and it was cake and it was terrible. It was cake!

Sounds delicious. A lot of these pranks, actually, you get a good end of it. You have sex with, well, I mean, a dildo. A dildo attached to Barack Obama. And it was incredible. Hey, we'll take it. Really? It was incredible.

I mean, that sounds fine to me. He can't take away the mental experience you had. Hey, we'll take it. Really? It was incredible. I mean, the sounds fine to me. He can't take away the mental experience you had. Then you get to eat cake. And he'll never take away that shortcake. Great. And Marissa, you want to plug anything in? Yeah.

I mean, listen, I'm on MySpace, very active there. Please check the news because I think this lawsuit between me and Jessica St. Clair and Casey Wilson about their audio book they stole from me, The Art of Smalltalk, which could be downloaded, audible anywhere you get your audio books. Drawing your mouth right now as you talk. Why is it so big and open? Oh, I wonder. That looked like a goatee to me. If you put a dog with those like spurts going into it,

I'm gonna be so pissed. Listen. Oh, God, you did it. It's terrible. The spurts are coming from the testicles. It's not the prank, it's just a wide head. Yeah, that's what she said. I'll be honest, this caricature looks like

what I think I look like, Ron Snapper. Ron, you gotta get a better self-esteem. Yeah, but listen, and check out Wap It Up. Where can they find it? CBBworld.com, all episodes available to either Maximus or legacy subscribers. Great, and yeah, and anytime you see a Taylor and Travis vid, if you look, you're going to like the Zabruder films, you're going to see Marissa in the, or Lisler in the background.

I hope it doesn't turn out like the Zabruder film, which had a very bad ending. I don't know anything about that. Or good, depending on your politics, but I don't want to go. Well't know. Oh, Ron. Well, I wanna plug, look, obviously we talked about bonus bangs, those are coming out starting this Thursday, the essential Andrew Lloyd Webber. Our CBB tour starts next week in Boston. We're hitting so many cities and I hope people are gonna come out and see us.

We have two shows in Boston and then we go New York, Philly, DC, Charlotte, Atlanta. This is all from memory, so I can't remember, but a bunch of cities in the South. Then we're going to the West Coast, and then we have the Midwest, and then the West Coast again, and then an exciting tour announcement next week. I also, I haven't talked about on this show,

I mentioned it earlier, I am writing some Spider-Man comics now, Spider-Man Unlimited number 39 through 42, I'm writing some Spider-Man comics now, Spider-Man Unlimited number 39 through 42 I'm writing, and that's setting up some stuff I'm gonna be doing down the line. The way to get that is getting on the Marvel Unlimited app and looking up Spider-Man Unlimited. Those will be coming out every week, and it's been fun.

I think if you like old web head, you might like what I'm up to over there. I hope to God you're not animating it from this picture you took of me or drew me. I think you're gonna be a character in this. I mean, it's not bad character design, honestly. Like a super villain with a terrible mouth. God.

But check those out over at Marvel Unlimited and check out CBB World for so many of our great shows. Neighborhood Listen, Womp It Up, obviously. CBB Presents, all the archive of CBB. If you're only listening to this on Mondays, you're only getting half the story. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Dirty pop, dirty pop.

Dirty pop, dirty pop. Open up your Dirty Pop! Open up your Dirty Pop! And that's how you open the Frickin' Flow Bag! How you open the Frickin' Flow Bag! How you open the

Frickin' Flow Bag! How you open the Frickin' Flow Bag! How you open the Frickin' Flow Bag! Yeah, that was the Funky Plugger by Alex Dale, I think using the famous funky drummer drum break that's been sampled in so many songs. Marissa, you're dozing off. Oh, sorry. It's like every time I hear an old man speak, it just lulls me.

It's like my ASMR. Yeah. The Funky Plugger is one of my other OnlyFans channels. Oh, okay. Every time I hear an old man speak, it just lulls me. It's like my ASMR. The Funky Plugger is one of my other OnlyFans channels. Oh, okay. And that's the name of a classic IJ prank. Check it out. Oh, God. All right, well guys, I wanna thank you so much.

Becky, sorry that we didn't have as much time to talk as I wanted, but I'd love for you to come back. If anyone ever pranks you again, please come back. Absolutely, it'll be happening tonight, I'm sure. Oh, God. My life is hell. Yeah. Oh, God. I think I see Zach Braff out the window.

Ah! Oh, shit. Marissa, great to have you on the show. Come back with Listler at some point. We will, when she resurfaces. It's been so great to connect with all my fans. Please get to me on MySpace. And if you feel like it's inappropriate

to send a topless pic, don't. Okay? Not don't send it. I mean, don't feel like it's inappropriate. Yeah, feel free to send these pics. Feel free. Feel free. And Ron Snapper, what can one say?

Everything! And yet nothing at all. And yet nothing at all. But wonderful to have you, I'm reading, back on the show. Yes, I've returned, and I will again, and I will see the comedy big big fans at every live tour stop That would truly be an ambush to me and the audience no one would like it. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no