Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jim O’Heir, Paul Rust, James Mannion

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

Actor and comedian Jim O’Heir joins Scott to talk about his new book “Welcome to Pawnee: Stories of Friendship, Waggles, and Parks and Recreation” which is a love letter to his time on Parks and Rec. Then, Cecil Sotheby of Sotheby’s Auction House returns to share a list of upcoming celebrity items up for auction. Plus, mailman Chris Orchard returns to talk about how his relationship with his girlfriend is going. Get tickets for the Comedy Bang! Bang! Into Your Mouth Tour 2024 over at https://CBBWorld.com/tour Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

I am a frog who does need his buzzFeed and I love my curvy dog. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Hmm, a haiku. Interesting. Thank you so much to Adjunct Professor Swanktaint for that incredible catchphrase submission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition, a special November edition. Of course, we're not doing July month anymore. During the month of July, we did special episodes where all of them were released in the month of July. And that was an exciting time, but now we're

in November, so we're enjoying it now. Pre-Thanksgiving episode. And, you know, I've said it before, and I hope to say it again, but stars are back. Stars are back on the show. He was last on the program 10 years ago. 10 years, can you imagine? And he's making his triumphant return. It took us 10 years to get him.

You know him from parks and recreation. Jim O'Hare is here. Hello. Hey, you said stars are back. I was looking to see who was showing up. Yeah, no, you're here. It's me. You qualify.

I'm getting that recognition. Here's the hierarchy of being on this show. Movie stars, we'll take them any day of the week. Any day. Gotcha. TV stars? Yeah. We love them. Why not? And you count amongst those.

Then it goes down to authors, which by the way, but TV star outranks that. Yes. Then we get into podcast hosts, which is like, we'll take it if we have to, but- Yeah, if there's nothing else. Jesus. Yeah. But you are a bona fide TV star from Parks and Recreation. Of course you played Jerry on Parks and Recreation for seven seasons, am I correct?

Seven seasons, 126 episodes. That's a lot of episodes. Yeah, that's a lot of episodes. And I have, there's only three or four of us that were ever on all of them. Yes, let me, let's count them. Retta? No. No. Nope. What happened to her?

Retta had, when Park started, Retta was all over doing standup. So before she got, you know, her and I were not, did not become series regulars until the end of season two. So she was still keeping her gigs because we didn't know what, we didn't know where we were coming or going.

Okay, so let me guess. We, you have Amy. Definitely. Of course. Definitely. Uh, I feel like Aubrey. I don't think so. You don't think so.

Did you dip out for a while? What happened to her? Just one or two. Let me tell you, you know, Mike sure was our show runner who co-created with Greg Daniels and Mike most shows I've been on, you know, I just turned 104. That's right. So I'm, hey, happy birthday, huh? Great. Uh, yeah, for 104, I do look good. For know, I just turned 104. That's right. So I'm, Hey, happy birthday. Huh?

Uh, yeah. For 104, I do look good for 62. For 60. Yes. Yeah, please. I have a mirror. Uh, but anyway, so Mike sure is theory and this doesn't happen on most shows. Was that it was okay.

It would make us be allowed to do other things. He would make, he'd let us leave. If like for Pratt, Pratt will tell you guardians only happen because of Mike Shore said, go. I've been on shows that never would have happened. You are under contract. Here's, you know, and that's okay. We're you're under contract. But that wasn't their theory. The theory Mike was like, the more you guys are out there, the better it is for all of us. And so that's what I would do is I would say like, Oh, I have a show every day

after 2 p.m. and then, and then they would have to let me go. You have to let you go. And then I would just go home and take a nap. No, but I don't think there's a chance. Aubrey, yes, I don't think, but it was me, Nick, Amy, even Aziz was gone. Pratt was definitely gone. Yeah.

Red was gone because, like I said, at the beginning she was doing standup. Adam. So are you in, Adam came in late. Adam and Rob came in late. Are you in every single episode then? I'm in every single episode. Somewhere? I, well let me correct it.

I shot every single episode. Oh, okay. But sometimes you were cut out. There was two episodes, apparently I was cut out, which I never knew, because I used to brag. I have been, everyone does that. Someone goes, you're not. You're still bragging about it.

As of five minutes ago. But I am. I was, no, I really am. You're still bragging about it. Exactly. As of five minutes ago. But I am, I was there. I was on set. Every, at least one day of that week, I was on set. Yeah, well that's-

That's where I got it from. But you're right, it's a fake brag. But it's something to be proud of. I mean, I had a, I remember when I was in the fifth grade, I had a perfect attendance record that I wasn't even aware of. Just at the end of the year, they said, oh, you got perfect attendance. And I was like, what? And, uh,

that's when I was young and someone had that, I was like, that's it. What a shame for you. I wasn't looking for you. You're a judgemental bully. I am still just so you know, asshole, still a judgemental bully. And really that's, that's what you decided to wear the day that I show up here? How dare you. He pounced me. How dare you? By the way, is swearing okay on this show?

Yeah, just list them off. What do you wanna say? Oh, I'd love to say cunt. I love to say fuck. Oh dear. Okay, maybe it's not okay. No, in the right atmosphere. Yes, and this is the perfect atmosphere. This is the perfect atmosphere.

Yes. Um, now, Jim, obviously we could talk about Parks and Rec all day. Our friend Adam, uh, is frequently on this show. Uh, and we've, we've exhausted the material when it comes to his aspect of it. Oh, please. We've gone down every nook, every cranny of Parks and Rec like, Oh, what did you think about this episode? What did you think about?

He loves to talk about it, but there is a- Are we talking about Adam Scott? Yes. What has happened to him? Is he still working? Is he out there? I don't know. I always feel bad.

I feel bad for a couple of them. I mean, yeah. I just don't know what happened to them. I definitely feel bad for Adam Scott for different reasons. I do. Oh. Feel like this is-

We have a podcast together. Ah, there you go. I love Adam Scott. For those of us who are Parks and Rec obsessives, there is a new book out, perhaps I'll call it a tome, of which you are the author. Apparently. It is called Welcome to Pawnee, colon, stories of friendship, waffles, and parks and recreation.

It's a long title. It's a long title, but titles have to be long because they have to tell you what the book is. Because if I went into a store and I was like, welcome to Pawnee, I'd be like, I'm not in Pawnee, idiot. And I would take the book and I would throw it across the room. Yes, as you should, and you still might.

Sure. You still might. But so tell me you're now an author, and perhaps as of next week, a best-selling author. How do we feel about that? Well, again, it means I'm better than most. And I think we've learned that over the years. And so it's nice to again be validated with that. That's right. Please believe me, this whole book, the shit I get from family and friends,

they don't think I can read, let alone write anything. They're not wrong. Can you read? I can. I'm gonna test you. I'm gonna bring up something and see. Oh, don't do any big words. I'm gonna see if you can read something.

Let's see. Uh oh, oh, this is not gonna be good. I'm looking up Wikipedia. All right, here we go, ready? Uh huh. All right, see if you can read this. I can. Marilyn Pauline Kim Novak, born February 13, 1933, is an American retired actress and painter. Her contributions to cinema have been honored with two Golden Globe Awards, an honorary Golden Bear, and a

star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Wow. He did it everyone. Jim O'Hare can read. He read Kim Novak's Wikipedia page. Amazing. Yeah. No, with this whole book thing, it was, you know, wasn't even my brainchild. These, these, uh, agents out in New York reached out. These New York slime balls reach out to you.

These, for these pizza eating bagel loving New York sleazebags reach out to you, these pizza eating, bagel loving, New York sleazebags, reach out to Jim O'Hare and they say, you gotta write a book, Jim. You gotta write a book. We're gonna give you $25 billion if you write this book. Books are so profitable these days. They're so, everybody wants to read. So we're gonna give you this book deal.

Actually, I didn't, that is kinda how it happened though, they reached out and then I said, I don't know. I don't know. And then they said, let's spend a couple hours talking and let's see if we think we have a book here. And so we set up a zoom call and 30 minutes into the zoom call, they're like, okay, we have a book, like they kind of knew, uh, cause I don't know if you've noticed I'm a bit of a, a bit of a talker.

Yeah. So you're a raconteur. Yeah, that's it. You have the reputation of being so. How did you write the book? Did you, uh, uh, uh, when you mentioned talking, it led me to this question. Did you set up a tape recorder and just kind of talk into it and then have it transcribed or did you literally sit down at a typewriter, a word processor,

sessor, sessor? Did I say sessor right? Processor, I think that's correct. Word processor or a computer and type the book. Or did someone else do it all for you? I did AI. I just put in- Did AI, just put in Parks and Rec. I put in the word Parks and Rec, Jim O'Hare, tell stories. Yes. And all of a sudden I had 85,000 words.

So none of this is true. I have no idea. I haven't read it, but I'm sure it's related to what happened on the show. I'd like to imagine. Uh, no, actually I had a ghostwriter. I am not a writer. So what I did. Did you just have conversations with the person?

For a year and a half. A year and a half talking to this guy. And what he would. Word girl. No, you were correct. The first time a genius named Matt Adana, what he did, what our process was, what I would tell stories and stories and stories, literally hours and hours and hours, he then would send it to me in book form and then I would have to

rewrite it in Jim O'Hare speak because he is much brighter than I am. There was one point where he used the word Nietzsche in there. Oh, yes. I saw that. I said, that is not a word. You had to put a little footnote in there. I had to put a footnote because Jim O'Hare doesn't know that word. And, um, so there was, so, so it's, it's in my, it's my stories.

What was the context by the way that he put in Nietzsche? I forget at the time there was so, there was other things. Something about the abyss staring back at you. Get the fuck out of here. Jim O'Hare doesn't do abysses. If I look into an abyss, I don't want nothing staring back at me. I'm just going to look right into it. Exactly.

That's who I am. Yeah. Yeah. No, so then, uh, so then he would send it to me, then I would rewrite them in my words and then it goes to an editor and then they're like, this is what we like. This is what we don't. Yeah. No. So then, uh, so then he would send it to me, then I would rewrite them in my words. And then it goes to an editor and then they're like, this is what we like. This is what we don't. I know nothing about the book. It's a huge pain in the ass.

It's a two year commitment. And I remember when this was all happening, I'm not going to talk numbers, but someone said, again, $25 billion with a, I'm saying with a B, a B. A B. I know what advances for books generally are, as I am the author or editor. Oh wait, tell me, so tell if I know if I did good or bad. 500k. Oh, okay, then I did okay.

You did okay? You got a mil? You got a mil for this? I'm not saying, but if that's the general. I didn't even know- I did. Okay. You got a mill. You got a mill for this. I'm not saying, but if that's the general, I didn't even know. I was joking too. Did you know that there was, uh, uh, auctions? Uh, like the word auction?

Yeah, I've heard of them. No, the book once it's done. Oh sure. Then they, well, first, first you put it out, you know, they say, yes, we think we have a book here. So then they say. So it wasn't out, you know, they say, yes, we think we have a book here. So then they say... So it wasn't the publisher immediately saying, like buying the book, you put it up for auction

with a bunch of different publishers. Yes, they did. Okay, great. And so I had previously met with all the publishers on Zoom. We did hour and a half phone calls. I told them what the book would be about. They asked me questions. What an incredible dynamic Zoom that must have been.

A bunch of book publishers. Exactly. But here's the thing. And it's just to the power of the show of Parks and Recreation, they all wanted a meeting. Like all of them. Well, that's, it's incredible. I've read the book. Uh, and, uh,

have you been able to get rid of the erection since? Or is it just like, I can't, like this is, no, it's an incredible cure for, uh, any sort of, I've heard you've had some issues. Yes, no, of course. But if it helped, that's great. No, it's basically describe what this is. It is very Parks and Rec focused or centric.

It describes you getting the job, from soup to nuts, you getting the job, you leaving the job, pretty much ends after you leave the job, uh, after it stops. But, uh, but that, but it goes into all sorts of things in between a little bit into your history, uh, and, uh, but, but you tell me what you think the book is about. I think the book, and this is such a gross term, but it is the correct term.

It is get ready. Do you have a bucket nearby? Cause you're going to need it. You're going to want to. I do. I have it for my erection here. There you go. You're going to be dipping it in there get ready, you have a bucket nearby because you're gonna need it. You're gonna wanna. I do, I have it for my erection. There you go.

You're dipping it in there. Oh, good times. I really hate this term, but it's kind of true. It's a love letter to the show. I know it, I know it. It's such a. It does read like that too. It is.

It starts off, deer parks and recreation. I love you so much. And then it ends with XOXO. Last Friday when we were out at the movies. Here's the thing. I, you know, I'm a TV watcher. I watch the late night shows. I see these different, you know, the different guests. I've been guests on late night shows and I see these people on there and they're like, oh my gosh, we're one big happy family and we but I'm like bull shit I was on your show the if that's a happy family then boy we are we're screwed and I thought I

want a book out there that is about a happy family it really was I'm sure Scott you know Adam has told you it was an exceptional experience yes it was not the norm I've someone told me recently, and I promise you, I didn't look it up. I was told this. I have over 200 credits on IMDB. I've done a lot of shows over the years. So much so that you didn't know you were on Criminal Minds, is that correct? Yes! How did you hear that? I read it in your book. Jim, I just said I read your book. You really read it? People don't normally read it, they just skim through. I read it. I read it yesterday. I got it yesterday. God bless you. I read it all the way. I was up at five in the morning. Oh my god. I finished it

God bless you. I read The Last Hundo. Wow and that story it's true. This girl came up She's oh, I loved your Criminal Minds. I go. Oh, that's so sweet, but I didn't do that show She goes yeah, you did I go no. No, I'm sure I didn't do Criminal Minds She pulls out her phone and shows me here the IMDB and I didn't that it all came rushing back It was the penultimate. Yeah of the damn show of when it was closing She pulls out her phone and shows me the IMDB. And then it all came rushing back. It was the penultimate of the damn show when it was closing. I was Sharon Lawrence's lawyer.

It was the whole thing. It's tough because on that show, you don't wanna get into that criminal mind too much because it'll drive you crazy. You know, the mind of a killer? That's a dangerous place to be. Is that why I kept away? I'm sure you just wanted to compartmentalize it

and get it out of your headspace. Maybe that was it, but I truly did not remember. Which is a gift and a curse. It's a gift because I've done a lot of work and it means, wow, I kind of forgot about it. But it's sad because am I getting that old that I'm not remembering shit that I've done? Also, do you remember your character's name in that?

Hell no. That character is essentially, if you, do you remember your character's name in that? Hell no. That character is essentially, if you don't even remember, he's essentially dead. I'm a lawyer. I know that I'm the lawyer to Sharon Lawrence. That's all I can tell you. It's sad when a character dies. Well. A lot of people say you truly die

when the last living person who remembers you passes on. And out of anyone, you should remember this guy, whoever this lawyer is, but you don't even. I do not. So this character's dead. But dude, that statement, that's really powerful. That like kinda hit me, what you just said. No, truly.

Well, it'll happen to all of us other than I guess. It will happen to all of us. Good old Willie Shakespeare. Yeah. This asshole. And I guess Nietzsche with your ghostwriter, trying to keep his memory alive. But no, think about the last person in memory

to remember you when they're gone, that's it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, other than of course having where we're all wearing togas and playing harps and all that. I don't think I'll see you there, but I'm sure I'll be there. Aw, I wanna be up in that heavenly band. With Jesus on guitar.

Good times. Well, it is a love letter to the show. It really shines through just how much everyone cared for each other. You have a lot of stories about that. You have the cast chiming in occasionally. And I was impressed and surprised that out of the entire cast, like probably the person with the most chime ins

was Chris Pratt. By all accounts should be busy with other stuff, but he gave you a lot of his time. Here's the thing about this cast. And again, I sound so Pollyanna and gross, but they're the nicest people in the fucking world. They continue to be. We still have this thing called the Parks Family Text. We're all back and forth all the time. And so when I put the word out that, hey, I'm doing this, you know, and I also, kind of a gross thing, but I felt I needed to do it.

Some people are like, you don't have to do it. You're an adult, you can do what you want. But when I, after it went on auction and all the bids came in, and then we finally chose HarperCollins, I felt I needed Amy and Mike Shores and Greg Daniel's approval. Right.

I know that's kind of weird. Uh, and Amy was like, Dylan, what are you talking about? Of course, tell you stories. And Greg was like, you're the perfect person. You were there for all of it. Blah, blah, blah. Mike sure was a little concerned about, you guys know, they're going to try to turn this into the definitive book on parks and rec and he's right.

I think that was right. Does he want to write that book? No, I don't even know if he has any interest in writing the book, but only he and Greg could write that. Even Amy couldn't write that book. I'm going to talk to my New York agent since he's writing a Mike Schurter book. I only want 50%. Exactly. No, but I can't write that book. Only Mike and Greg could write that book. So you're writing your, although they do chime in. Oh, they're totally, Mike and Greg are both in this book and they were so great with the time, but Pratt.

So I finally get ahold of him. Now I don't think he knows where he is half the time. And I say this because he works so much. He one time sent us and this text, he sent us, he was on some private plane. We had all just gone to see, I don't know which guardians, but the premier. And we didn't see him after the thing. We didn't see him at the party afterward. He goes, I couldn't go.

They put him, he goes, I'm on a plane. I don't know where I'm going. It literally, that's his life. You know. He's off there fighting dinosaurs. He's got a lot going on. In Mongolia or something. I think he has three or four franchises.

Not just films coming out. You have Guardians. Guardians. You have Battle in the Dinosaur Land. Jurassic Park. Yes. The car thing where he's a car. Is he a car?

Yes. What's he a car in? I don't know, he's a car. Then he's got Mario. He's like, wait, hold on, he's a car? We have to look it up. What does that mean? He's something like that, like an animated type thing.

Oh, it's animated, okay, that makes more sense. Yes, no, he's not a car? We'd have to look it up. What does that mean? He's something like that. Like an animated type thing. Oh, it's animated. Oh, okay, that makes more sense. Well, yes, no, he's not a car. Oh dear God. Wait, Chris Pratt is a car? That's crazy that a car can star in movies and an NBC sitcom. And then he's got the Mario.

He's got the Mario Brothers now. And these aren't occasional films, these are franchises. It's a different world. Did you ever have any kind of aspirations to be one of those people? There are so few people who are in the top 10 movie stars who can open movies. He's one of them. It's such a different life, you know, because most actors, maybe they dream of it, but once you get into the actual nuts and bolts of performing, it's such a different life, you know, because most actors, maybe they dream of it, but once you get into the actual nuts and bolts

of performing, it's like, oh, I'm just happy to have a job, you know? I'm happy to have a job. That's, yeah, I've never, even, people would say to me, you know, once Parks, you know, was, looked like it was gonna have some legs, people are like, oh, wouldn't it be great if down the road then they give you your own shit?

I've never been that guy. What about the Jerry spin-off? That's what we wanna talk about. I would be happy if it happened with a big ensemble cast. I love ensemble comedy shows. All right, well, I'll do it and then let's see. So you're available. Yeah, well, let's see.

Boy, oh boy. Sure. Can we get Adam? You think Adam will come back? He won't do this. Severance, I got my own show. I can barely get him to do episodes of this podcast. Yeah.

Um, well, I mean, eventually they're, look, they're doing the new office version, right? Yeah, but not with any of the old office. Sure, but eventually they'll have to do like a Parks and Rec spinoff. It's so interesting because when those shows were out, I'm talking about, of course, The Office and Parks and Rec respectively, they were always on the bubble or viewed as like not

doing all that well and now everyone's like, oh we missed the old days when those types of shows were on. Well you're giving The Office, they deserve more credit than that, they were a hit. We were not a hit. Sort of a hit. weren't, they weren't sweating. My cast, we were sweating, sweating. Are we coming back? And then we found out we were canceled on a flight from New York. The powers that be at the, at near the end of season four were on a flight and we were pulled off the schedule through some miracle. By the end of that flight, we were put back on. They didn't have wifi on the flight apparently. And so they make the official call. By the time they landed they were like,

oh, I forgot about it. I really think the reason we were able to stay on and they couldn't get rid of us, because also there was a regime change while Parks was out there. A lot of times, the new guy or gal comes in and they want to put their stamp. Like, that's not my show, so let's get something else in that I can take credit for. But by this point, the reviews had been so like, I think time or one of them called us a show of a decade. Like I think it would have looked really bad for them had they pulled it. But you guys did end up going to seven seasons, 120 some odd episodes from what I'm told and, uh, I mean, it's an achievement.

A lot of people don't get that. Of course I had 110 episodes of my show but who's counting? But it's not 126. Why are we talking about it? We did pass the kids in the hall which was very proud. But the book is out this week. It's incredible. We have Welcome to Pawnee, Stories of Friendship, Waffles, and Parks and Recreation. Honestly, not enough stories of waffles. In my opinion, it's there in the title. I counted maybe one? There's waffles on the pages. There's little clips of waffles.

Clips? But like you say stories of waffles. It's called publicity. God, have you heard about publicity? You've ever heard of it? I don't know, it's a misleading title. But here's what I also want to say to the fans out there who are listening. Get it for no other reason. I've had people say they're buying two of them.

One to read and whatever happens. And the other one is to keep the cover. The cover is amazing. And I take no credit for it. I don't think I have the cover. You have not seen the cover. They gave me a PDF. Go to Amazon and look at the cover of the book.

I canceled my Amazon Prime and the Washington Post. So unfortunately, I'm unable. You're like, I'm done. Yeah. No, it's got, what do the young people, Easter eggs. And it's a great cover and I didn't create it. So I take no credit for it. Easter eggs.

Sounds like that day at the White House that I went to. Oh, you have been around. Wow. When they were trying to find those on the lawn. All right. So the book is out this week. Everyone should buy it and we'll see a check back with us in another 10 years. And we'll see if it got all the way up on the bestseller list.

Absolutely. And we need to take a break. Look, we have a big show, Jim. When we come back, we have a mailman is here. What? We have, you were talking about auctions earlier. We have some works in auctions. This is an exciting, exciting show.

We're gonna be right back. We'll have more Jim O'Hare, more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Jim O'Hare, more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Jim O'Hare is here. The book is called Welcome to Pawnee, Stories of Friendship, Waffles and Parks and Recreation. Is the colon silent in the title or should I say colon?

I think it's silent. Like pee is in bathing. Yeah. Speaking of colons, that guy, colon pal, weird guy, right? Like, he could, he could like totally just tell everyone, oh no, it's pronounced Colin. But instead he's like, oh no, he's correcting people going, no, no, no, call me Colin, like the thing shit comes out of.

Like what is up with this guy? Well, you're really, I'm going to say something here. You overthink. I think you overthink. I don't know. I'm just saying he's a weirdo. We need to get to our next guest. We've spoken to him before. He's another person who's entering the exclusive Two Timers Club along with Jim O'Hare, of course. We spoke to him before a few years back, I believe. Please welcome

back to the show Cecil Sotheby. Oh, Scott. Thank you so much for having me back. Oh, it's my pleasure. This is Jim O'Hare. Hi, Jim. How are you? Did you ever watch the television? I did.

I loved Parks and Rec. And when you mentioned auction there, I got to admit, my ears perked up because that was- You have the similar erection to me from earlier in the show. I said my ears perked up, Scott. Hey, your ears are up here. Cecil, so good to see you again. Remind me what we talked about last time you were on the show.

Well, I'm Cessil Sotheby of Sotheby's Auction House. Famous auction house that auctions off the world's most expensive things. That's right. And look, I ain't no nepo baby, okay? I earned this position as representative of Sotheby's. How did you, what do you mean when you say that? How did you earn it?

My dad pulled some strings. Oh, okay. I mean, hey, whatever works. Definitely not a Nepo baby. Yeah. Yeah, literal strings though. And I helped him pull them. So I feel like there was some effort put into it.

I didn't realize there was a lot of strings over there in Sotheby's. But too many, some would say. How many are we talking? Like ballparking? Oh, four strings. That's too many strings. For an auctioneer? You just need one to ring the bell that says, hey, you got the highest bid. So you don't say going, going, gone, you'd ring a bell?

Nope. I ring the bell and I go, hey, you got the bid. So it's very nice. It's actually very supportive for someone. I would love, if I won an auction, I would start to feel bad about myself. Oh yeah, and other auction houses, they bring people who aren't even family members. If somebody gets the highest bid,

they put up their finger and go, shame, shame. That's right. They game of Thrones you. Yes, yes, yes. Do you do that voice that like, you know, when they get riled up? Yeah, let me try it. You want to read Kim Novak's biography? Yeah, because I've always been blown away by that. All right. People can do that. Yeah. Okay. How fast can you do this? Pretty fast. Okay. Here we go.

Marilyn Pauline Kim in quotations. Oh boy. That. Man, that's a big pause in between no and back. Is should be one word in. American. Wow. Is in American. Wow. Is in American? Okay. Is and.

Okay. And you're the- All right, I mean, not bad. Are you one of the main auctioneers? Are you the- Uh, I'm a sort of a standby. They call me third standby. Third standby.

So third understudy, I guess, or? Yeah. Okay. So- They were going to call me a fourth string, but then it gets mixed up with all the- With all the fourth strings. Yeah, obviously. Um, that, that would be bad. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to call me a fourth string, but then it gets mixed up with all the strings. With all the fourth strings, yeah, obviously. That would be bad, yeah. But I was here previously because I just like to go out and let people know of upcoming

auctions of different items, specifically celebrity items. Okay. Well, stars are back here on the show. Jim returned after a 10-year hiatus. That's right. And if Jim has anything he'd ever want to bring to an auction. Hey, you got anything? Wow. Well, what sells big? What are the big, like what can I make money on?

Well, this year we have some exciting ones. We have a wristwatch. Oh, a timepiece. Own and worn. Jim's wearing one. Jim's wearing one. Ours is from the Hollywood legend, Jimmy Stewart. Oh wow.

Mary! You're an old maid! Hey, you can do the voice pretty good. That's good. That is alright. We also have some personalized stationery this year that's from Goldie Hawn. From the desk of Goldie Hawn. From the desk of Goldie Hawn.

Wow. Is there signature on it or it's just a piece of paper that says, from the desk of Goldie Hawn. From the desk of Goldie Hawn. Wow. Is there signature on it or it's just a piece of paper that says from the desk of Goldie Hawn? From the desk of, and in sort of gold font, gold coloring, Goldie, and then Hawn. So just that one word is in gold. Gold. So I couldn't just make that on like

Photoshop or something? No, no. I mean, this is from the period of, I think when she was on Laugh-Ins. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, okay. Wow, so you authenticate this stuff?

Yes, we talk to Goldie personally. Oh, what do you have to say? Here you go! Pretty good impression, I guess. Nailed it. Here's to Jimmy Stewart. Here you go. Nailed it.

I thought I tried my hat in the ring. I'm sorry, my goldie in the ring. Thanks for correcting yourself. We also have a jewelry box that was once owned by Patsy Cline. Patsy Cline, the songstress of song. Somebody would say that. I say it. Was it with her during the crash or did they get it from the wreckage? It bounced out of the crash.

Holy cow. And then fell where? Was it with her during the crash or did they get it from the wreckage or? Uh, it bounced out of the crash. Holy cow. And then, and then fell where? Um, into my father's hands. Wait, your father was there. I think it was he the person who crashed into her? No, no, no. He was on the ground.

Uh, she was in a plane crash. An auction. He was doing an auction at the site of a car crash? No. A plane crash. Oh, it was a plane crash. I'm so sorry. So wait, the plane crashed

into an auction. Well, the plane crashed, her jewelry box bounced out of the plane, went through the window of the Sotheby's auction house. Wow! I say he caught it with his hands. It was more kind of like fell into his mouth. Oh no! That is random! How are his teeth? He had to get a... Can I see that Kim Novak thing? I think I had the word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Dentures. He had to get dentures. Oh, okay, yeah. That's a big heading on her Wikipedia, by the way. There's like five paragraphs just on dentures.

And those are some items that I know have been getting a lot of excitement in the community. Those sound great. I mean Wow, I'm very excited about uh, you're just gonna roll right? Yeah, you're familiar with Paul Newman The salad salad dressing guy. Yeah, well we have some hand-drawn illustrations by Paul Newman of snails Dressed like his favorite Sopranos characters Paul Newman did this?

Paul Newman did it. Wow. Now when did he die? Uh, I mean, within the last 80 years, I would say. I think I'm wondering. It was soon after the series finale of the Sopranos. Oh, it wasn't before it was after. Okay.

Did it cause it? I'm confused with the dates. I think when the Sopranos ended, he said, Hey, if this show's hanging it up, I got to too. But you haven't lived until you've seen an Othala snail dressed like Polly Walnuts. I would love to see that. He's a great, he's a fair artist. Okay. I know a lot of people look at and go, is that a snail?

Is that Polly Walnuts? Right. But he tried. I mean, that's, I mean, just the fact that he did it though. I mean, yeah. Well, that's, oh yeah. That's what makes it valuable. Can I ask what will that go for?

Like in a perfect world, what kind of numbers are you looking at? The starting bid is around, it's called a publisher's fee. It's 500,000. Oh, oh, okay. That's like the fee. It's 500,000. Oh, oh, okay. That's like the standard. That's how it began. By the way, the final episode of Sopranos, it was June 10th, 2007.

And then Paul Newman died September 26th, 2008. So there was a good year there. So it didn't cause his death. I think the symptoms began as soon as the credits went to black and people were like, did Tony die? Was Tony whacked? Paul Newman went, I think I'm going to have to whack off. And what he meant was, wow. Whack off until I die. Yeah, until I die, yeah.

But then he found time in between there to draw these. It was a long, different family members would be called. I think this is the- Did he have a Janice? A Janice snail? A Janice snail, yes. Janice, I was like- No, it's Joanne Woodward, not Janice Woodward.

I can see where the computer is. He did have a Janice. We had it, but when we held it to the light, it started on fire. It just started. Oh, a little too close to the light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, won't burn is this item that I'm very excited about. Audrey Hepburn, we got from her estate an apron and a chef's hat that she wore in her own life in a kitchen. A special detail about the chef's hat is that it's made of a rare translucent metal that can turn radio frequencies into ice. Oh, that's... I didn't know that that technology existed. That's so interesting.

Yeah, it was in the chef's hat. It was sort of... she would take it... She would put the chef's hat on in order to... To get the radio frequencies to come. And then be turned into ice. Into ice. For like a barbecue or something? Yeah, well, that's how Hepburn's famous icy burgers came from.

Ah. I didn't, oh, I didn't realize. Remember, yeah. Cary Grant is always like, oh, I went over and I had an. Hello, darling, well, you know, icy burgers. Look at you. Mr. It's like a Howie Mandel.

Anyone from the 40s. Nobody present, but the 40s, you got it. I didn't know Frank TV was sitting next to me. I'm no Frank TV, but so really her icy burgers were because of this chef. Because of the radio frequencies. Now, the chef's had doesn't work anymore. Oh, it doesn't. Should make a note of that. So people, if they want to. Now, the chef's hat doesn't work anymore. Oh, it doesn't. Should make a note of that.

So people, if they want to, I know a lot of people come up and they go, oh, can I turn radio frequencies into ice? Could I make my own icy burgers? And I think it was something where Audrey Hepburn had to be the person wearing it. Oh, it was, oh, I guess it was like DNA encoded. It was DNA encoded. It was DNA. Yes. I hate to, I don't sound like a money grubber, but what does that go for?

Like, what, what are you hoping to get for that? Well, we have to do it based on the height of the chef's hat. So it's six inches high. So it's a hundred thousand for each inch. For each inch. So it's like six hundred thousand. Do you have taller chef's hats out there? We do. We have the one worn by Linguini in Ratatouille. Oh, I love that one.

Because it had to be a certain size to fit. Because that rat, by the way, was so big, a lot of people don't know, he was like five feet tall. Well, he was Pat Noswalt type. Yeah, five feet tall. Because when they filmed it, Pat Noswalt was in the chef's hat.

You mentioned DNA encoded. I did, Cecil. This actually is a DNA encoded item as well. We have, from Walter Mathau, we all love Walter Mathau. We all love him. Let's see if I can do him. Nope. I mean, Walter Mathau clearing his throat, maybe. Well, you might be clearing his throat, maybe. Well, you might be a big fan of this. Hey.

Hey, Jack. Hey, Jeff. Nope. That's the same thing. It's not there. To Jack Lemon. To Jack Lemon. It's not there.

Hey, Jack. Hey, Jack, you wanna do the odd couple? You wanna do the odd couple with me? You know what, I close my eyes and I imagine Jack Lemon right next to you. Yeah, yeah, Walt. Of course I wanted you. I think we should do the odd couple one man show where you go back and forth. Well, I'll tape the middle of the apartment with masking tape and bounce back and forth. Well, maybe you'd get tired so they should hook you up on wires and they lift you up and down.

Are those force rings available? Well, keep looking through this catalog. You might see some force rings. But tell me about what's this thing. Well, he's auctioning off, or the estate is auctioning off a suitcase of his bones. Oh. And they were taken out.

His personal bones or bones he owned? Bones, his own personal bones that he did own. We all own our own bones, unless the government tries to get involved. Oh, the government. They'd love to get their hands on our bones. But yes, doctors removed them before he died. Before he died, oh, that's nice.

At his request. He wanted to be flat when he died, I read. Well, Walter Flatthal. He was like, that was my original name. Can you excuse me for a minute? I have to step away. To get into show business. Yeah. No, I remember this story.

They took him all out before he died. How long before he died? Didn't he have two years where he was flat? Yeah. In Grumpier Old Men, if you watch a lot of his scenes. He's always filmed right center from... Kind of propped up on a chair. Yeah.

Or sometimes will have pillows kind of. But I remember the camera moved at one point and I was like, that guy's two dimensional. Yeah, well, to speak nothing of his acting. I'm kidding. He had very dimensional layered performances. He did, although he kind of played the same character every single role, don't you agree? A grouch. Grumpy, you could say. An old man, a grumpy old man.

Yeah. But you know what's not grumpy are the bones. They're very, they're really full of life. They've been painted neon pink and neon green. Wow. So you could put those in your front yard next Halloween, put a black light on them, and people might swear that they're seeing Walter Mathau's bones.

You could, but you might get some angry neighbors just because he was canceled. Oh, Walter Mathau was canceled? I didn't know that. For what? When he portrayed Mr. Wilson in the Dennis the Menace movie. Right. Yeah. Between takes, he spanked the kid who played Dennis the Menace.

Wow. Really? Continuously? Yeah, he spanked Leah Thompson, Christopher Lloyd. That was his style though. I remember reading that about him like Jack Lemmon used to love it. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, Walt, come spank me. So I guess he just like thought it was a thing that everyone

knew. You are a gifted impression seriously. Thank you so much. Wow. But you rely on those phrases that people unlock. Yeah, hey Walt, come spank me. Not gonna do it. That's classic. Spank Pete. Come Spank Pete. Yeah. Not gonna do it. That's classic. HW Bush, yeah. Now, I personally am most excited about this.

Oh, this is the one you're most excited about. Because I'm Emma Reader. You're Emma Reader, what? I am a reader. Oh, okay, great. I also sometimes pronounce wolves as woofs. Woofs, did you see that Brady Bunch clip of Marcia saying werewolves?

No. I'm going to try to bring it up here. I just remember Scott Aukerman reminding me once that I pronounced wolves as wolfs. Oh, yeah. We don't know each other. No, no, no. Here, I'm going to play Marcia saying, oh no, I got to see it on Facebook, create an account. What?

Oh, come on. Here we go. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia saying, oh no, I gotta see it on Facebook, create an account. What? Oh, come on. Here we go. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Here we go, and... What about werewolves? Werewolves? Werewolves.

Werewolves. Wait, nobody corrected that? I know, it seems like the kind of thing that someone would have taken her aside and been like, mm. But she, the we're part of it, she has said it so many times as were obviously. And she'd never said that word out loud.

I would imagine. I mean, I think people would probably try and go and correct her and then they'd be dazzled by her beauty. They, they'd be like, I have a note for you. That's a pretty good Adam Sandler, by the way. But that really is good. So what is this item? As a reader, I'm very excited. Harper Lee, the author of To Kill a Mockingbird. Yes, and nothing else. Well, she had the follow-up book. Yeah, that one book that... Post... can I see that Kim Novak? Yeah, here you go. Postomously. Yeah. She-

Kim Novak is still alive. I don't know why that word is on her Wikipedia page. She has a really exciting auction item. It's a box of jumbo sized rubbers. Oh, wow. Jumbo size. Jim, you in the market for this or? Let's just say I've used a few jumbo size rubbers in my day.

Yeah. I tried, but they kept falling off because I have such a little ass dick. Oh, wow. But I guess, yeah, Harper Lee, I asked your family members about it. Like, what was with the jumbo size condoms? And she apparently loved guys with big wangs.

Wow. Well, she used protection. That's great. Oh, she used protection. That's great. Oh, especially during the 90s when she was hitting the scene the most. Yeah. And I think we can all say, who doesn't like a guy with a big wing? That's right.

I mean, honestly, like if I had to choose. Yeah, if I had a choice. Oh, if I had a choice between a guy with a little wing or a guy with a big wing, I would choose big wing five times out of 10. They named a restaurant after it, big wangs. Exactly. And then you can get buffalo wangs. Buffalo wangs.

So that's the one you're most excited about, but you still have more? Yes. Really? That was sort of a tent pole. And now we're on the way down. Yeah, just as a sliding scale down. There's actually, if you want to keep count, four more.

Four more. But you decide to do the one you're most excited about in the middle. Now people can kind of tune out. Yes. If they want. Heads up, I got a flight next week, so we could wrap this. You can turn the volume down too, if you want to. Let's hear these. Now, it isn't just movie stars and authors or singers. Uh, we also have astronauts and U S senators like John Glenn, John Glenn. Wow. A guy with two first names. Well, let me think. John, like John F Kennedy, Glenn, like Glenn F Kennedy. Yeah, John Glenn. Exactly. Uh, he, we got two items from him. Um, they're both, uh, two action figures from, uh, the Pelican Brief.

Oh, I didn't know they made, uh, action figures. Oh yeah. It's Julia Roberts, it's Darby Shaw and Denzel Washington is Greg Grantham. Wow. Now they're in mint condition, never open. Never open. Oh, that's, oh yes. Um, is, is Greg Grantham holding a

briefcase or I would imagine he put his Pelican briefs in there? It's a briefcase with a Pelican sticking out. Oh okay oh he put his Pelicans in his briefcase? That's why it's called that. Oh yeah that's why have you seen the movie? No I haven't seen the movie. The opening scene is Bento Washington trying to shove a Pelican into a briefcase. That's kind of Hollywood trivia. I gotta watch it again. That scene is, I don't remember that, but I'm sure.

Maybe relate to the theater. You know what I did, I was getting popcorn. I think I was like to sit down. It's sort of a weird scene because they go back and forth between a real one and animatronic one and a cartoon one. And then it change into Howard the Duck I read for a little bit of it. Yeah, he goes, hey, get your hands off me. That's pretty good, Howard the Duck. Oh, I'm sorry. That was Julia Roberts. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm so sorry.

Okay. Apology accepted, Scottles. This is a brief one. Jim Morrison's collection of Popeye masks. Wow. That is so... How many? How many Popeye masks? Yeah. How many are left? What do you mean by when you say how many are left? Like left of my catalog. There's two left.

No, no, no. How many Popeye masks? Four. For each string at the auction house. There's one for each string. How would you, are you thinking, oh, Jim Morrison, he like Popeye? Mike? Why did you say Mike? Because you're talking to the one.

Oh, okay, I understand. Headphones, ball cap, Scott. There we go. Okay, you've centered yourself. What did you want to say about Jim Morrison liking Popeye? Well, that's- Man-woman camera TV. Come on baby, light my fire. Remember that song?

I do remember that song. It was originally, come on spinach, get in Popeye's mouth. Wow. That's a lot like yesterday, the Paul McCartney song being scrambled eggs. Oh, yesterday, I thought I ate some scrambled eggs. Yeah, approximately, yeah. Such a shame, he passed away. Paul McCartney did? I don't think he has.

I haven't heard that. I haven't heard it, but you know what, I haven't opened up my phone today, so I don't know. Oh, I've been hearing a lot of rumors that he's dead. I don't heard it, but I haven't had opened up my phone today, so I don't know. Yeah. Oh, I've been hearing a lot of rumors that he's dead. I don't think so. Oh, since the late 60s. The late 60s. Two more.

Oh, boy. Hey, here we go. Here we go. We all love Heidi Klum. We all love her. Sports Illustrated's own Heidi Klum. Sports Illustrated's swimsuit edition's own Heidi Klum. Sports Illustrated's swimsuit edition. Of course, we should, we should mention she

wasn't in there because of, you know, playing on a lacrosse team or anything like that. She was in the swimsuit issue. And because, uh, Seal was editor in chief. That's right. Yeah, for years he was editor in chief. Yeah. He pushed, pushed, pushed.

And then finally they said, okay, we can put Heidi in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. And they, and they'd never seen her before. And then she showed up to set and they're like, pushed, pushed. And then finally they said, okay, we can put Heidi in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. And they, and they'd never seen her before. And then she showed up to set and they're like, oh, okay. Yeah, this actually, this will work. One of them went, damn, damn seal. Damn seal.

And then, uh, but he was always a big supporter of, uh, big supporter of her before anyone knew who she was. Yeah. Well, I'm a big supporter of Tom Hanks. Why did you mention Heidi Klum? Oh. Do you want to go backwards? I wanted to know why you mentioned Tom Hanks.

Okay. Which one do you want to do? Well, Tom Hanks have a big supporter. Oh, yes. The reason I mentioned Heidi Klum, that's the response to what from a joke is, ah, Heidi Klum, she owned a handbag that was hit with a gamma ray and has now become anthropomorphic. Yeah. I'll finish all the hard words for you if you want. And it's now like a Southern woman,

like a redneck lady. Oh, like one of those steel magnolias types? No, more... The designing women? Yes. And she's got sass to spare. So she's always like, why you always spilling Tic Tacs in me?

So she still operates as a handbag, but doesn't care for. I got more Tic Tacs in me than somebody driving to the dentist office. All right, last one, Finish Strong. This isn't your favorite, we know, but Finish Strong. Yeah, I got a personal copy of the book, Proper Workplace Etiquette,

owned by Ellen DeGeneres, never read. What? You just- Satire, that was a satire. That was a satirical, you don't actually have that. No, I don't actually have that. So all these things, then they're all impressive as hell. I can't wait to get involved in this auction.

Like what kind of money do I got to bring with me? Like this is like. Yeah. We only take cash. Okay. Okay. So you got to get a big wallet and kind of have it stuffed with so much cash. It's kind of popping out the top.

Okay. Cause everyone works with cash these days. Yeah. That's the the top. Okay. Cause everyone works with cash these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the main thing. When somebody says Venmo, I go, then no, not a chance. Pretty good, pretty good.

That is pretty good. When is this all going down? PayPal, no pal, no. Yes, I say no pal. No pal, no. Check, neck. When is this all going down? I say no pal. No. Check. Neck. When is this all going down? Where can people find these items? Um, the auction is going to be in 2032.

Oh, so you've got a bit of a ways away at this point. Yeah. Seven and a half years. Seven and a half years to save up. Save up. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Maybe, um, I'll be a millionaire by then. That would be nice. Hey, I think you could be a gazillionaire. A gazillionaire, sorry. Why are you having trouble saying the word gazillionaire? I think I've been around too many handbags hit by gamma rays. That's having some sort of effect on my throat.

Yeah, are you. By the way, you look like you have radiation poisoning or something. Are you all right, sir? I thought you were going to be like, you look like Chewbacca who just had radiation poisoning. You know, like one of those kind of things. Yeah, one of those kind of Dennis Miller. No, you just look sick. I just look like I're sick. Yeah. I Been sick ever since you heard about Paul McCartney Sick to my stomach Well Cecil Sotheby

Great to have you on this show and I may regret asking this but can you stick around? I can as long as the gammas don't take over. Yeah I hope you don't pass away As long as the gammas don't take over. Yeah, I hope you don't pass away. As long as the gammas don't take over. Boom! Boom! All right, well, we have to take a break. When we come back, we have a mailman. That's very exciting. Someone who works in the public...

Sphere? Sphere, yes, certainly. A public servant. We're going to come right back. We'll have more Jim O'Hare. We'll have more Cecil Sotheby. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. No, no, no, no. Comedy Bang Bang.

Yeah. No, no, no. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. We have Jim O'Hare and of course the book is called Welcome to Pawnee, colon, silently, stories of friendship, comma, waffles, comma, you do the Oxford comma. I appreciate that.

You're welcome. And parks and recreation. No comma after parks. Interesting. Stores of friendship, comma, waffles, comma, and parks, comma, and recreation. That's what it should be, shouldn't it? Okay.

Moving on. What's happening next? Moving on. We also have Cecil Sotheby here from Sotheby's. Hello. What, why did you say it? It sounded like you were speaking into the Grand Canyon. Oh, that's a Sotheby's hello. That's how we start all the auctions off. Hello! Hello! All the way to the back of the room.

Yeah, so everybody can hear because sometimes those halls are so full with auctioneers. Auctioneers. Auction, auction, yeah. Is there a term for people who are bidding on things? Bitters. Bitters. I think that's it. Bitters.

Yeah. They got to come up with something better. Yeah. Cause bitter is not a word people like. No, I mean, unless it's in one of your drinks. Woo! Hello. And we love them.

We got an old fashioned, little bitters. Yep. Woo! Hello. And we love them. Got an old fashioned, a little bitters. Yep, yep. We need to get to our next guest. Now he's also, I believe, joining the exclusive Two Timers Club on this show. Is that correct, sir? That's right, Scotty. So we have three guests in the Two Timers Club.

We wanna welcome him. He was on the show once before. He's my mailman. Please welcome Chris Orchard. Scotty, good to see you. Bring it in. Here we go. Oh yeah, sorry. He's my mailman. Please welcome Chris Orchard. Scotty, good to see you. Bring it in. Here we go. Oh yeah, sorry.

That's sweet. There we go. Yeah, what's going on with your nails? My back is, you scratched my back. Yeah, sorry. I just got long nails. I don't clip them too much. I make sure that they're long enough

so that I can quickly open a piece of mail if I think that there's anthrax or a bomb inside of it. You wanna open it if there's anthrax. Well, just to make, well, I can't let that get to you, Scott. Well, sure, but I mean, it seems like there would be protocols for maybe calling in a bomb squad or the Hazmat team. Sometimes when you're out there on the road alone, protocol goes out the window.

That's a good point. You gotta just act in the moment. Yeah. Hey, Chris, so act in the moment. Yeah. Hey, Chris, so good to see you. Scott, I know it's great to see you. Yeah, it's, what did we talk about last time you were on the episode? Catch me up, first of all.

Well, Scott, last time I was here, it was in the studio. I had been delivering mail. There had been a problem with my mail routes. I'd been delivering mail all over the place. Right. They were changing my routes like every day, every week. So like every day you'd go to a different neighborhood. Some, some of them would be miles and miles away.

That's right. And I finally got them to just give me one route every day. But the problem was Scott, the reason I haven't seen you too long is because I was still going to the old Earwolf studio. Oh no, that was where your route ended up being. Yes, my route ended up being there every, and I was like, I'm going to see my best buddy Scott every day. And then?

And then? We haven't seen each other in years. No, two years, Scott. Two years. But I finally got my route changed. Oh. And then we haven't seen each other in years. No, two years, Scott. Two years. But I finally got my route changed. Oh! I'm gonna be delivering the mail here every day from now on.

I love that. Even Sundays. You're so devoted to your work, you would deliver me mail on Sundays. That's right. You loved it so much. I will open an anthrax full envelope on a Sunday just to protect you. You're so committed to your craft and that's what we love about you. I mean, this is the thing, is Jim, you're an incredible actor who was blessed enough to be on an incredible show. You are a craftsman when it comes to acting and yet I respect the craft of mail delivery just as much.

If not more. If not more. Exactly. You are a public servant, sir. Oh, I appreciate that. Cecil, you, you know. It's a craft. Auctioneering.

You heard me read the Kimu back there. I was speeding through that, baby. Yeah. Talking really fast. He really was speeding through that. I guess everyone's job though is just as important as anyone's job. I mean, you know, from the, the, the highest of the high Emmy award winner, Jim O'Hare here, daytime Emmy.

Yeah. Beautiful. Let's correct that. Still. Don't give him Emmy. Daytime Emmy award winner. But, but from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, just a simple male person like Chris Orchard here.

Scott, don't you want to catch up a little bit, buddy? I would love to. You want to do it on mic? I would love to now that we're here. Yeah, sure. I mean, Scott, you've barely asked me about my girlfriend. Oh, you have a you have a girlfriend. Did you talk about that last time?

Yeah. Last time I saw you two years ago, I had just gotten into a relationship. It was about six months at that point. So at this point, it's now two years and six months. Two years and six months. Can you believe that we're still going? I mean, we were so different. And I was like, there's no way that this relationship

is going to last because we were like, it was a complete opposite to track situation. Remind me, what were the differences between you? Oh, you probably remember how she likes to eat green beans. I like to eat shrimp. Do you not eat green beans? Uh, nope. And she does not eat shrimp. She she eats it. So she eats green, but I like shrimp. But oh, but she doesn't like green beans and no, she eats. She likes green beans. She likes shrimp. She eats shrimp. I like shrimp. Does she like shrimp though? She likes it. So it's really not just you. You sound like shrimp though? She likes it fine.

So it's really not, just you sound like you're a guy who doesn't like green beans. You probably remember how she likes to read books and I love to sing. Can you believe that we're still together after two years and six months? By the way, I would love to hear an example of you singing. And I will always love you. That's a real impression.

Yeah. Jim is wiping tears from his eyes. Every time we butt heads and get into a situation where we are just clashing. I just put it all aside, no matter how angry I am. And I sing that song to remind her that I'm with her forever. Oh, I must warm her heart, warm the mind. Yeah. Wow, that's incredible. I mean, does she not like singing or? She does karaoke, but she doesn't enjoy it as much as I like to sing without a track. And do you read books ever or? Uh, I read cliff notes. Oh, okay.

Why are you, are you taking tests or something? Yeah, I'm getting my GED. We, I guess we hadn't talked about that. Do you not? I hadn't been getting my GED. Do you not need any kind of, uh of schooling in order to become a male person? No, not to be a male person. I have a high school diploma.

I graduated high school. Why are you getting your GED? I'm going back to get my GED because I feel like I didn't do it right the first time. Okay. Did you take a government test to become a male person? I did have to take a government test to become a male man. Yeah. So what, like what's on those government tests? Have you ever taken one, Jim? I have never taken one, no. I did have to take a government test to become a mailman. Yeah, so what like what's on those government tests? Have you ever taken one?

I have never taken one. I'd like to take one. Yeah, I wonder am I smart enough to do that? Article 2 of the Constitution. They do ask you about Article 2. Do they really? They do. And what do you say if you have no idea what it means? You say, well if you have no idea what it means, hopefully you just, the word executive branch just pops into your head and you say that randomly. Okay. I hope that if you don't know what it means. I pray that for you. If you do know what it means, you say executive branch. Okay. And you start listing the executive powers of the President of the United States. If you don't know what it means, let's hope that that's what pops into your head.

Yeah, let's hope you're looking outside and maybe you see like a businessman walking underneath a tree and you're like, executive branch? Oh, executive branch. Yeah, I saw a squirrel in a very fancy suit and I now realize where he was probably headed. Sure. To an executive branch. Okay. Sure. What is my life turned into?

I think is what I think I need to take a look at. This is very interesting. So, so you guys are still together. We're still together. You were probably remember I say tomato. She says potato. We had a whole thing about how we are eating tomato, potato stew. Now we used to just eat them separately.

That's what we eat all the time. You know, going strong, you know, the word potato and, and vice versa, you know, I mean, you said them right now. Yeah. So you know what they are. She says tomato. If you remember last time we're talking about what we want to eat for dinner and she would say, I say tomato and I would say I say potato.

Right. Oh, that's right. So it's just your preference of what you're going to eat. But I thought that you, I thought you liked shrimp. Uh, I, I do like shrimp, but I say, she's calling strength. I do like shrimp. All right. But I say the Tato and you say you're making a stew now.

That sounds good. A tomato, potatoes, stew And you say you're making a stew now. That sounds good. A tomato, potatoes stew. Along with maybe some shrimp and green beans. That sounds delicious. Never occurred to us to throw those in. Chris, can I ask, cause I'm a bit nosy. Is this relationship heading toward the altar or what do you, what do you think's happening?

I think we are. I mean, I think this is going to go to the distance. This is about that time, like three years. Yeah. Usually kind of the shit or get off the pot of potato, tomato stew. Things are starting to get serious. I mean, we have no business being together. We are like fire and bikes as you could understand.

Total opposite. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But, uh, but yeah, things, things are moving forward. That's good. That's, that's where you want to be? And again, this is way too personal,

but I'm going to ask because I'm that person. Yeah. How are, you know, you know, when you first get into a relationship, it's all hot and heavy and you're like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're on the three year mark. Like how has, has the, how do I say this?

What's your, what's your love life? Yeah, let's use the term love life. Things are, you know, we don't always have the exact same proclivities. For instance, the other day I sent her a tasteful nude. Of yourself? Of myself. How tasteful are we talking? What?

Boudoir photo shoot. This is a professional photo shoot? Professional photo shoot. Men love to do that. Go and get a boudoir photo shoot. And we're talking full, just full nudity. Full nudity, of course, draped in, tastefully draped in a comforter. And there's a robe off to the side so that you could see that I was wearing. Of that? Yeah, you go, oh, that was the robe with you.

My cherubesque penis poking out between my thighs. Right. You sent her this and... And she sent me back 65 crystal clear photographs of Sasquatch and other crypts. Like the Loch Ness Monster. Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra. That was her response to your... That was her response. That does seem a little different.

Yeah. It's kind of rude, actually, that she wouldn't even mention that she liked your... Didn't say anything about it. I put a lot of money into that photo shoot. But it's not cheap hiring a photographer. No, it's not. And then they own the pictures. She is a professional cryptid photographer. And oh, wait, but she refuses to take photos of me.

Was she on a trip where she was hunting some of these cryptids and you were sending your nudes and then she I mean, if she got think that's maybe what happened. She got photographs of all of these cryptids then. Yeah. I think she was like, honey, I'm busy doing something way more important than whatever this is. Getting these photographs that. Right. Did she think that maybe your, as you described it,

cherubic penis was a cryptid maybe? Were you just sending your closeups of this? You know, after she sent me, yeah, exactly. a cherubic penis was a cryptid maybe? Were you just sending your closeups of this? You know, after she sent me, yeah, exactly. She sent me the 65 photos and then a 66 photos that was very zoomed in photo of my cherubic penis. That's cherubic because it's holding a bow and arrow. Yeah. Like a cherry.

I would personally like a, um, a tasteful nudes of the, uh, cryptids. That would be cool. If that could be. Like the, like Bigfoot. His feet are pretty big. Yeah. Oh yeah.

What else is big? I think he's packing. Well, the Bigfoot that she sent me had alopecia, so it was completely. Wow. So I was able. Wait, so this is just a man without hair? No, it's a Sasquatch without hair. Wait, she sent you a nude picture of a hairless man. I'm sorry, Sasquatch.

She sent me a Bigfoot, Sasquatch, whatever you want to call it. This one had alopecia, so it didn't have any hair. What was the difference in the look from a naked man, a naked bald man, as opposed to a naked- Like a Jason Statham type. Yeah. As opposed to a Sasquatch. To a naked Sasquatch. Like when they're both naked, is there a difference?

Well, you can kind of tell because the, the naked, the, the naked Sasquatch without hair sort of looks like it hasn't been like socialized. It's sort of like got like, it's sort of looking over its shoulder at the camera being like, what's that? What am I looking at? Sure. If maybe we could integrate it into society at that end over time. Eventually, it's like that famous big foot picture where he's just kind of like walking through the woods and looking over his shoulder. So this is through the woods and looking over his shoulder like, huh? What's that? So this is like a naked man looking over his shoulder.

Yeah, but a naked man who like clearly has never seen a camera before. They have seen a camera, it's always been something sort of invasive and that they don't trust. Almost as if there's an invisible question mark above their heads going, huh? That's true, there was an invisible question mark

over this Sasquatch head. So, bitch, I'm from a small town. Yeah. Where are you from? Idaho. Yeah, but what town? Billington, Idaho. Okay. All right, I'll take your word for it. She puts from in the subject line of an email.

Okay. I mean, those are not opposites necessarily is just two weird things about both of you. I mean, that's kind of strange for her to do. Yeah, she like from a big city? She's, yeah. She's from big, what city what city is New York city? Well, I guess that would be the, those are the two opposite.

I mean, you're from a town that sounds like it was, you were just making up because you stumbled over saying a Billington, Idaho. I've heard of Billy tonight. Oh, have you really? Okay. I, yeah, they're famous. I haven't, but for their shrimp, delicious shrimp. This is where you developed your love of. Yeah, they have a, it's, it's landlocked, but. For their shrimp. They have delicious shrimp. This is where you developed your love of shrimp.

Yeah, they have a, it's landlocked, but they have a freshwater lake where they've got delicious freshwater shrimp. So these are all differences, but you're overcoming these. We are overcoming them and we are moving forward. Things are getting serious, but But sometimes like Paula Abdul and MC scat cat said it's two steps forward, two steps back. Yeah.

We've had some great progress. What's the scat cat up to? You know what I mean? Like he put out that solo record after the opposites attract song was pretty big and then he just disappears. Like what, you know. I think he, uh, like found God, one of those things, right?

You don't know what a scarecrow is? I don't know what a scarecrow is. Have you heard this song? A two steps forward, a two steps back. Have not. Have not? No, and I'm okay with that. He wears blue pants often and kind of like a white tank top

and big shoes and- Paula Abdul didn't like cigarettes. He liked to smoke. No, nothing's ringing a bell here. No, interesting. Not for me. Interesting. No, I'm just saying.

I'm much older than you guys. You're not that much older. Well, what are you? You know, I'm 29. I'm 33. So there's like, what, four years. Two generations. You have some other differences though? Well, yeah. I mean, okay, so four years, two generations. Yes. Do you have some other differences though?

Well, yeah, I mean, I just, you know, we've made some progress so that it feels like every time we make progress, we take a step back. For instance, we adopted a dog. Okay. Awesome. She adopted a parrot. So you both adopted a dog. We both adopted a dog.

That was a big step to adopt a dog. So it adopted a dog. That was a big step. Okay. To adopt a dog. So it sounds like you have that in common actually. Yeah, that's, well, that's something we did. That was us taking two steps forward. Okay, but then she wanted to adopt a parrot. But then she adopted a parrot.

Without consulting you or? No. She didn't consult me, but. Just one day you get home, there's a parrot. There's a parrot in there. OK. And the parrot's obviously been listening to the dog, so it's barking like a dog. So it's almost like you have two dogs there. So what's the problem?

Well, the problem is, is that we adopt, we now have two dogs, but one of them is our dog and the other one is her dog and it's a bird. I guess when you put it like that, then yeah. It's not easy. We finally moved in together. That's a big step. It's a big step, one that most couples do a little earlier than two and a half years, but that's great that you're there now.

Especially if you're trying to get married. It's good to test the merchandise. Of course. Like metaphorically, I mean, have sex with her. Yeah. Don't talk about her that way. Hey, hey, Chris, I'm so sorry. I realized it as soon as I said it that I crossed the line.

Yeah, because it's one of those things like if she was sitting here, you wouldn't have said that. I probably wouldn't have said it right to her face. I would have said it behind her back. Yes. When she stepped out of the room, maybe I would have leaned over and nudged you. I love locker room talk. Posted about it on a special thing.com.

Sure, of course. But so I apologize, Chris, you're my mailman, but more than that, you're my friend and I don't wanna upset you. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Appreciate it. We moved in together. Really excited about that.

I got a second parking brake installed in my car. Why? Because I had been living in my car and it kept rolling down steep hills. Why not replace the first parking brake? Because the first, you, you can drive a car while the parking brakes up. You've done that. It's super healthy for the car. Sure.

That's good. But if the parking brake doesn't work anymore, replace that one. You install a second parking brake. No, you replace the first one. No, the first, if you could drive a car, and even a good parking brake, you could still drive the car a little bit with the parking brake up. Okay.

So you want to make sure that, that regardless, it doesn't go anywhere. Yeah. Okay. So I had gotten a second parking brake up. Okay, so you wanna make sure that regardless, it doesn't go anywhere. Yeah. Okay. So I had gotten a second parking brake installed. Where do you get it installed? Like where does it live in the car? It's like right behind the first one. Okay.

So like I had the console- It seems like you gotta reach back really far. No, I just, you know the like, how you can open up the thing and put stuff inside of it. It's like you've got in between the two seats, you've got the- I've driven a car before, yes. I know what you're talking about.

Okay, well, you've never heard of two parking breaks. So I'm just explaining. Well, that doesn't exist. Cars exist. Okay. I mean- Scott, if the second- Chris Pratt is playing one, apparently in a movie.

If the second parking brake was seated here right now, you wouldn't have talked about it that way. I wouldn't, you're right, I apologize. I wouldn't have said that. So it's behind the first one. Yeah. Okay. Well, obviously, look, I understand this is a custom job.

It took a long time to finish. And in that amount of time, we moved in together and I was like, okay I just spent all this money on this second parking brake and I'm not living in my car anymore So when I explain it like that Then what happened? You're setting this up like there is a difference of opinion here No, I'm saying this is a two steps forward two steps back The two steps forward was that I moved in with my girlfriend.

The two steps back was that I got a second parking break. I don't, I'm not seeing the connection. You're not? I, I, I, I apologize. I just, I don't know quite where you're going with this because it seems like you guys are happy. Oh, we are happy despite all of the ups and downs. We love each other.

I will always love you is what I say to her. And I think it brings a little bit of spice to our life actually that we clash like this. Yeah, you guys really clash over this kind of thing. It seems pretty trivial to me, Jim. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Are you guys talking babies at all? Like, do you feel you should bring children into this?

Talking babies, well, I want to have a baby boy. Sure. I mean, sometimes a father wants a son to follow in his footsteps. And you know, that's something that I've always wanted. That's something that's really important to me. Why? Well, because I think it's a way to sort of go back

and relive your childhood. Fix the mistakes, you know? I gotta say, I don't know that you're gonna be able to fix your mistakes. You don't with my, through my baby, vicariously through my baby boy. I think you're still living your mistakes, Chris, not to judge you, but.

Yeah. You and everyone else who looks at this beautiful couple and just is judging us and saying that it's a big mistake. But it is super healthy to try to have a child to make them relive your life and make it better. That is super healthy. Yeah. Yeah. That part's good.

I agree. Yeah, no, I agree. So what's the difference in opinion with your girlfriend? She wants to have a 16 year old son. I mean, if doing it your way, eventually you'd get there. Yeah. Hopefully. I mean, that would be the plan.

I mean, assuming I could fix all the mistakes, we can get that son at 16 years old. But she just wants from the jump to be 16? Well, she's just not interested in the, I guess she's not interested in the baby part or everything. She wants a 16 year old son. I can understand skipping to like five, but 16. You can understand skipping to five? Sure.

Out of diapers, skip to out of diapers. Yeah. Yeah. Two and a half. Well, I think it's beautiful that the two of you can figure this out, but I have to imagine the families are a different story, huh? Yeah. You got her family, you got yours.

Yeah. I actually- This is the most cogent thing you've said today, Cecil. Boy, that was so smart almost. But you're a different person. It's Sh A different person. Obviously we were nervous about what our families would say, that they'd see this and not approve, but we did take a big step.

I met her family the other day. Just the other. Okay. For the first time after two and a half years? For the first time. It seems solid. After two and a half years, we, we, we wanted to ease into it. We wanted to make sure that this was the real deal before we brought anyone else into this crazy.

You want to make sure this is the holofield? The what? The holofield, the real deal? It's what we call the is the holofield. The what? The holofield, the real deal? It's what we call the holofield. The real deal holofield. Is it a Vander? Yeah. Vander the real deal holofield.

You're saying holofield. You don't have a holofield, do you? I don't, but my girlfriend does. She does, really. That's why they're yin and yang. Yeah. So you met the- I met her parents and it actually went pretty well.

Yeah. But my parents met Steve Vollmer. Who's Steve Vollmer? The owner of the Clippers. Oh, why did they meet him? They were at a Clippers game and you know how in the new Intuit Dome, they've got the fanippers. Oh, why did they meet him? They were at a Clippers game and you know how in the new Intuit Dome they've got the fan wall behind the... My parents were in the fan wall. Steve Ballmer on the first game was at the bottom of the fan wall screaming his ass off and they met, they hit

it up. They're spending all their time with Ballmer. So they don't have time to meet your girlfriend? Well, I don't know, I haven't asked them. But they are spending a lot of time with Steve Balmer. So this is one of the differences between you. You met her parents. Well, they hang around with Steve Balmer, owner of the Clippers and member of the family. Yeah, it's a difference.

It's also a two steps forward, two steps back. Yeah. Yeah. That's classic Chris Orchard. I know. I know. I know they're going to he plays drums. They're going to his drum sets. What Steve Ballmer likes to play drums to. Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, I was wondering. OK, so you want to know who your parents are, like, has he met them? Yeah. They hang out now? Yeah. My parents have met Steve Ballmer. Yeah. So they've like chill with him and go watch him play drums. Yeah. Well, he at the end of the first Clippers game, he told everybody in the fan in the fan wall, he was like, I'm playing drums at a club tomorrow. I would love it if everyone came. It's I'm a billionaire, but I'm also, you know, I like to play drums. And a firing drummer.

Yeah. And, uh, uh, did he buy the tickets for everyone or did he expect everyone to pay for themselves? No, I think my parents, uh, had to pay for the ticket. Okay. Yeah, that's a shame. Cause they, he can't give comps to everybody in there. I guess it's a, it's an arrangement you have for the ticket. Okay. Yeah, that's a shame. Because he can't give comps to everybody in the- I guess it's an arrangement you have with the theater, how many comps you receive.

But you would still go to a friend's show even if you had to buy a ticket to it, right? Depending. Literally depending. You know, if it was a benefit, always buy the ticket for the benefit. But this is a regular show, I don't know. I don't know if I get a comp and I go, honestly. You know, I mean, time is precious at the age of 29. You only have so many years left. You mean, even if you get a comp,

you're not sure if you're going? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? The bomber. The bomber. Bomber. A bomber comp? A bomber comp? I don't know, maybe different story.

Well, well, Chris, these are, I mean, it sounds almost insurmountable, these challenges, but you guys are overcoming it. Can you believe it? I can't, but it's so good that you're going to be here around the house every day. That's the truth for you. Yeah.

I'd love to hear more about these, you know, just how everything's going. I mean, if wedding bells are indeed in your future. Oh, you'll be invited for sure. And I'll be personally hand delivering the envelope with the invitation. I love that. I love, oh my God. Sweet. Wow.

That's such an opportunity. I didn't even think about that. I think it'd be pretty cool. Then you just RSVP right in front of them. Right. And the man tracks in there, seal it back. I can sense that it's in there. I opened it up real quickly with my long fingernails poofs out in my face.

I'm willing to take it as long as it's not going to anybody else. And I'll see you at the wedding, if you can make it. I know you're busy. I hope I can. But it will be a comp. You will not have to. I won't have to pay for the wedding.

You won't have to pay. Okay, that's good to know. All right, well guys, we are running out of time, unfortunately. We only have time for one final feature on the show. And that is of course a little something called Plugs. Well, I got trouble my friend. Right here I say trouble right here in River City.

Why, sure, I'm a podcast fan. Certainly mighty proud to say it. I'm always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with buds in my ears are rather good. Celebrate wet days, spoil long legs, and keep time. Ever have a chance to hear technicality? No, down poo over trying to see an alligator do a double take.

And the next thing you know, granddaughter's searching for treasure in a slick, wet suit. And listening to some big bee honey farmer hear him tell about horse fight gambling Not a wholesome gentle fight But a fight where it ends with the death of a horse like to see some doctor skeleton flushing celebrities make your blood boil I should say oh no Let me tell you what I mean you might get one two three four five six Guests on a podcast guess who love that segment at the end

where they're slinging tent with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for Plugs. Wow. That was awesome. That's amazing. Incredible. Is that you? No, that was- Robert Preston. Harold Plugs, yeah, the ghost of Robert Preston.

No, that was Harold Plugs with From the Music Man. Thank you so much, that was so detailed. Yeah, that's amazing. So many inside jokes, you so much. That was so detailed. Yeah, that's amazing. So many inside jokes. Thanks so much. I was moving to that. Like you were, it gets you moving. Jim, what do we have to plug?

Obviously the book is out this week. The book is out. I have a new animated show with Ms. Aubrey Plaza. Oh really? I think you know who she is, called Kevin. But we just finished doing it, so I'm guessing next year. And do we know what platform this is coming out? Oh, I believe it's Amazon Prime.

Amazon Prime, but just Google Kevin, whatever comes up. Google Kevin and Aubrey Plaza and it's got Jason Schwartzman and Whoopi Goldberg and John Waters. And there's a whole bunch of us. Which by the way, the book, one of the climactic chapters, details you making out with Aubrey Plaza.

I did make out with Aubrey Plaza. So we just, we don't want to spoil the story here, but read the book for all the juicy deets. My tongue was entwined with Aubrey Plaza. Can you imagine? Oh, I can, and I often do. Well, that's fantastic. The book's out now and we'd love to see it.

Cecil, what are we plugging here? Anything for you? I listened to a podcast called With Gourley and Rust about- I listened to that. Yeah. They could listen to that too. And then Paul Rust and Neil Campbell do a monthly show at the Elysian Theater the second Saturday of every month. And they're doing one in December?

Yes. And what's it called? Well, that show will be The Spoofmas Show. Oh, The Spoofmas. This is a legendary show that I think I took part in one year. Yes. But every month it's called Playhouse Masterpieces and you can also many times watch them online. You can buy a ticket to watch them. These are great shows and of course Spoofmas, I recall I saying, am I human or am I Santa? Prancer. Prancer or Dancer. Am I human or am I Prancer? Am I Prancer? I'm on my own looking for Santa.

That's right. Yeah, great show. And of course, Rudolph the bread-nosed reindeer. Ooh, we stick it to reindeer and bread. When you say we, we mean the royal we, of course, because this is Paul Russ and Neil Campbell we're talking about. Oh yeah, sorry, the royal we.

Yeah. Speaking of Prince Charles's toilet. And Chris, what are you plugging here? I just want to plug love. Just, you know, love the one you're with. And there's this comedian, James Mannion. He's, he was hanging out. He was still kind of hanging out at the old Earwolf

studio when I would like deliver mail there. Oh, really? Yeah. Strange. I was like, why is there even? I don't think there's anyone in here. Why is there mail? But I would kind of see him in there, just kind of slinking around. I don't know. Yeah- Strange guy. Yeah, strange guy. As strange as Colin Powell himself. Strange guy, kind of looks like a Bigfoot with alopecia. He's a man, he's not a- Right, right. He's not a Bigfoot.

I'd have to see him naked, but really. But he's still a little awkward. And you can see him at UCB Theater with the team Leroy or on Askat, and at the Elysian Theater producing the show, Comedian Feud. That's right. Yeah, I did that once with Jason Manzoukas. That's right. We battled each other in that show. I got to get back to it at some point. That's fantastic. Well, I want to plug,

speaking of shows, we have the biggest Comedy Bang Bang live show of the year here in Los Angeles at the United Theater on Broadway, December 13th. And this is gonna be a huge, huge show. I'm trying to make it the ultimate comedy bang bang lineup that you all wanna see with all of our favorites comedians on that show. And the podcast, Hey Randy is opening for us. That's of course Randy Snutz with his own podcast.

And this is December 13th. Tickets are on sale now. You can get the tickets at cbbworld.com slash tour. And we really want to see you out there. This is going to be a super fun show. And I think that's all I love that length. That was La Venue Electric by Randy Smith. Thank you so much to Randy Smith. If you have a plugs theme, go over to cbbworld.com slash plugs

and you'll find all the stems you need for everything. Oh, and we only have a few more weeks until the end of the year when we're gonna make a new plugs theme with Ben Schwartz in our first episode of next year. So make sure you get those remixes in before this one goes away. And guys, I wanna thank you so much, Jim,

always a pleasure. So thank you so much for having me. So much fun, truly I know a lot of joking around going on. This was one of my most fun things. Thank you so much for being here. Good luck with the book. We wanna see it rocket up those charts. That's right, baby.

And Chris Orchard, good luck to you. I guess I'll be seeing you every day. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Okay, see you tomorrow. And Cecil, I won't be seeing you tomorrow, but I hope to see you again at some point. Maybe you'll join the exclusive Three Timers Club. Ooh, well, spank you, spank you very much.

Jim Carrey, right? Oh, Jim Carrey. Oh, James Carrey. James. Well, we got a Jim here and a James here. So I don't know who you're talking about. What you say? A James here. Who's James here?

Sorry. Gamma gamma. Gamma poison. Yeah. You look ready to die. Ooh, I'm vibrating and levitating. Oh no. What about, there we go!

Holy shit! There's not even any suffering! Bye! Oh, the Sotheby's, bye! Alright, we'll see you next time, thanks, bye!