Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - John Hodgman, Connor Ratliff, Griffin Newman, Patty Guggenheim

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

This week, John Hodgman joins Scott to discuss being the "Radar" O'Reilly of the PC world, boldly asking for drugs, and owning a boat. Then, James Cameron and Jake Sully visit to promote "Avatar: Fire and Ash" as well as wet movies in general, and entrepreneur Kitty Sea-Joy Sage drops by to share some products.  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

I'm all in on crypto. Crypto corpses I dress up as my family, that is. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Side of McGee, Catchphrase superstar Side of McGee for that submission. Don't think it's gonna stick, but thank you so much Side of McGee. We love everything you do. Catchphrase related. I have no idea what you do in your spare time. Other than this, I hope you're not getting paid for this.

I know I'm certainly not paying you for these, but maybe I should throw a little something his way, a little walking around money, a little lettuce for his tomato. Anyway, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. We have a great episode coming up a little later. We have a couple of deep sea adventurers. We also have an entrepreneur.

Yes, entrepreneurs are back on Comedy Bang Bang. We stopped having them on for a little while because everyone wanted to be an entrepreneur. And then the contraction of not only show business, but I think America's economy has now meant that entrepreneurs are few and far between, but we have one back on Comedy Bang Bang for a while. We only had small business owners.

And then we've now widened out to have entrepreneurs. And our first guest is akin to an entrepreneur in the sense of he probably has a loan out corporation. Oh, you're so right, Scott. What is that? But may I ask what yours is called? in the sense of he probably has a loan out corporation. Oh, you're so right, Scott. What is that? But may I ask what yours is called? Is that my loan out corporation?

Is that giving away anything? It's certainly very relatable. It is that is all incorporated. That is all. That is all incorporated. Is that something you say a lot and I'll introduce you in a second. It is how I used to end every sentence, that is all.

Boy, that's a trip back through time for me. It's been a while since I did that. Is that akin to a telegram where they have to say stop at the end of every sentence? That is how Radar O'Reilly ended all of his broadcasts on the television show MASH, that is all. The Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, of course, is what we're talking about for those of you who weren't around when that show was on the air. That's the one? That is all.

And did you feel a kinship in it? I will certainly introduce you in a moment. You don't have to. With the character Radar O'Reilly, or perhaps the actor Gary Berghoff. Talking about Gary Berghoff, who played Charlie Brown in the original Off-Broadway production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown?

You're a good man Charlie Brown, of course, yes. Yeah, no, Radar Arale. Oh, I see. So that is the character that you like. No, I liked them both. I liked them both. You are. I am a kin. You mentioned a kinship. I am definitely akin to round-faced bespectacled nerds of all types. That's right. Our guest, of course, when he describes himself thusly, we know who it is, but let me fill you in on a little bit of background. He of course played the, were you, it's so hard to tell these days, were you the cool computer, or were you the stuffy old PC?

I was the Radar O'Reilly, which is the PC of the PC world. Okay, I guess that makes sense, but nowadays- And a series of Apple computers that came out before you were born, Mr. Commercials, yes, you- Or that's sense, but nowadays, a series of Apple computers that came out before you were born, mister. Commercials, yes. Or that's right, excuse me, commercials.

You were with Justin Long in that, and you guys are equally as cool, so I can't tell who was supposed to be cool. That's very kind, that is all. But he was slightly younger at the time. And now I believe he has caught up to me. You stopped aging. Strangely so, I believe he has caught up to me.

We also know him from the Judge Sean Hoffman podcast. Please welcome John Hodgman. That is all. How are you? That is all. Welcome. How are you? You know, Justin Long was in that movie, Barbarian.

He was. Great movie. Yeah. And I was originally cast as the monster. Although I do know who was cast. But I was allergic to the latex makeup. You're just going to interrupt me. Interesting. That is all. Interesting. I do know the person casting the- allergic I was allergic to the latex makeup me interesting that is all

I do know the person I mean, I don't know when Jesus fucking Christ Well, the thing is you do you already the thing is I don't know when you've stopped talking cuz you don't say that is All right. All right But but you said that is all to indicate that you would stop talking and then I started The question isn't when I stop. It's when I start. Do you want me to say this is, that is all when I start? Oh my God, now he's not talking at all. I'm just waiting for you to finish. That is all. Great.

You should, you should not say it at all actually, because it's awkward and it's my IP. So that is all. Okay. Thank you. I was waiting to jump in there. Uh, I do know the person cast as the monster used to do comedy in sketch groups back in the day. Is that so?

That is so, yes. I didn't know. I was, as you know, I am offer only. Are you yawning in the middle of your answer or? Constantly. I'm so happy for that person. I was allergic to the makeup, much like Buddy Epson was allergic to the Tin Man makeup in The Wizard of Oz.

That's right. And so... And there weren't enough stimulants to give him that he would feel better about it, so they had to recast. That was how it worked in the old days, wasn't it? Do you wish your show business was still like that, where whatever part you got, they figured out a drug cocktail to give you to make you give a good performance. When I was shooting the ads in which I played the PC and Justin Long played the Mac Intosh computer and the Macintosh Apple computer ads, I mused aloud one time whether anyone on set had any drugs they could give me because it was my first experience with Hollywood. I had done nothing. I had done zero acting before them. How did you even get these? Were you some sort of a rock on tour doing live shows or you were the written word perhaps?

I had just started doing comedy on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart a thousand years ago. So that's really your first foray into show business. Yes, but that was, I was seated at a desk. This is the first time I've ever... Oh, this is your first standing role. First I'd ever stood on camera. Even though you started doing stand up,

isn't that interesting? Never did stand up until I was standing stood on camera. Still, even though you started doing stand up, isn't that interesting? Never did stand up until I was standing up on camera. Before that, I was a seated raconteur, honestly. And most New York comedy nights, I would sit down. And normally, I wouldn't ask this much info about someone's background, but you brought nothing to plug.

Why not? It's an interview. So how did you get that job at The Daily Show? So I had written a book. I am primarily a written humorist. That's all. Of course, I remember your book, Vacationland. Yeah, that's- In stores now.

The second to the most recent one. Mm-hmm. Vacationland and Medallion Status, both available in paperback now. I've read them both. Thank you very much. Yes. But I started writing three books of absurd humor, the areas of my expertise, More Information Than You Require, and a third book called That Is All. That is All. And, well, I continue actually, so

it's not all. Okay, good. I almost jumped in there. But I wrote this first book of absurd humor, the areas of my expertise, and I went to the Daily Show as a guest, and we had a good time making funny jokes together, I suppose. And this is John Stewart at the time? John Stewart at the time. That's right. And he still is. And what is he now?

Oh, okay. You're still... And so you guys had such a good time that you got a semi-regular gig or was it? They invited me to come back and, well, they said, would you like to try to be back on the show? And I said, sure, I can be the resident expert on the show, like the Tweedy intellectual that they bring in

to explain complex things. Things, yeah. That's always better. Just substitute whatever you want to say. Consens is what I was looking for, that is all. And I came in as the resident expert, and they were like, would you like, can you do 750 words on nuclear proliferation in Iran

by Monday? And I'm like, of course. And I did, and they said, bring a suit, we might put you on television. And I did. And then, bring a suit, we might put you on television and I did. And then very soon after that, I was asked to audition for those ads and I did. And you auditioned for these ads? I did audition for those ads.

Who else was in the mix? Do you remember this? Everyone. Really, like everyone who was in New York Comedy at the time? Yes. Yeah. I mean, that's what I've heard since then. And you're victorious.

Well, I mean, but look, everything comes around. I thought I got that monster role in Barbarian. Yeah, that's true. But I got dinged. Very similar to Nick Offerman's stories about how he was in the, what was that show he did? Parks and Rec. Parks and Rec. And then they were still, even though he got it, I think they still had auditions or something like that. And everyone, or maybe everyone was talking about like, they had auditions, that's right. In a green room once. And he knew we got it and didn't feel like... And didn't want to say anything.

Didn't want to say anything. Yeah. Very interesting. But I had asked on the set, literally on the set of the Appalachians, I'm like, does anyone like... This is Hollywood, right? By the way, I have to say very interesting after I say something that is dreadfully boring. Just to spice things up and it's almost like hypnosis for the listener.

It's the power of suggestion. People are going to be going around, you know, this is very interesting. Scott Offerman and his incredible anecdotes about Nick Offerman's career. Very interesting. Nick doesn't have a podcast talking about this shit. I have to. Hang on a second. Where do I find the share button on this podcast so I can send it to all my friends?

I just heard a very interesting anecdote from a very interesting man. Are you a share fan, by the way, speaking of share? I love to share. I'm talking about the singer, of course. Silkwood. I love Silkwood. You love Silkwood. It's a fine film by all accounts.

Yes. But for someone to be like, I love Silkwood. Well you have to realize that I was, I think, 10 or 11 years old when Silkwood came out, so it was marketed directly at me. Sure, of course. And Moonstruck, I saw Moonstruck. Amazing in Moonstruck. Outdoors at the Hatch Shell in Boston, the Hatch Shell, the amphitheater by the Charles

River. They say very interesting. That's very interesting, that's a fun story. Then I asked for drugs on the set of the Apple ads and no one had any for me. And this was a semi-serious suggestion. I passed it off as a joke, but my hope was that someone would hand me a bag of drugs. And then I would tell that story on the road when I would transition to my own imitation of stand-up comedy and tell stories while standing up in various theaters around the country. And I was in Raleigh, North Carolina at the Carolina theater.

Of course, know it well. It's a great and very interesting theater. And this story you'll find very interesting, Scott. I know you will because I'm telling the story about how I couldn't get't couldn't get any drugs And I would say at every stop along with tour I'm like so does anyone has any drugs now they should hand them to me and No, one wants to give me drugs because I look like an arc like I'm just I'm narc also. It's their drugs Like I know but I'm supposed to be in showbiz I never expected to be in show business or in Hollywood I thought when you got into show business people are just passing you free drugs all the time. Drugs are expensive.

I know, but isn't that what happened? It used to happen. They would give. So I was like, someone give me drugs, please. And it got very, it got very, uh, uh, uh, uh, bold by the end of the tour. I was just like, I'm not joking, please in the signing line, someone give me drugs. And so at the end of this one, this tour to the end of the tour and I went out to the lobby. And before I hit the signing line, someone give me drugs. And so at the end of this one, this tour to the end of the tour, and I went out to the lobby, and before I hit the signing line,

a woman and her boyfriend take me aside and goes, I have something for you. I'm like, great, this is just a little something for the rest of your tour. I think you might want this on the road, if you will. Okay, John's winking by the way he says this. And handed me, I did my best anyway. I'm not an actual winker.

It was more of a blink, to be honest. Let me give it a try. Yeah, two eyes is a blink. Okay. I was trying to wink, though, right? Yeah, yeah, unfortunately you got, no. Okay, well, one, yeah, that one stayed open. All right, I'll focus on my right.

In any case, very interesting anecdote. She hands me this really skanky-looking envelope. What makes an envelope skanky looking? Well it's like a letter envelope, right? But it's been wrapped around something that's not a letter. So like there's a little package of something inside and then it's been folded over kind of nervously. We want envelopes to be fresh and pristine and to be flat as Stanley. Actually, you know what? That's very true about me. I feel a little unnerved by an envelope. Anytime you see a folded up envelope, trouble a-brewin'.

That's why I can't watch Below Deck anymore, because they're always handing over their tips and those envelopes. Are you interested in Below Deck? I am. I'm a Below Deck for sure. Okay, Jack Quaid and I are going to start a Below Deck podcast. I would love to be on it. Oh, I'm sorry, that was an invitation.

I apologize. I'll take it back. That was just merely interesting information. Good for you. I hope you have a good time with it. Sounds like it will be very interesting. That is all. Well, you- Oh, so she hands me this envelope, if I may. This is a very interesting anecdote. You may. You may. Is it wrapping up at any time soon? Yes. Here it is. I'm so excited. Big finish. I'm afraid I'll be arrested in the lobby. So I shove it in my pocket and then I get out of the the thing and I go meet my friends and yours, Phil Morrison and David Reese, who are having dinner somewhere. I'm like, that finally happens. Don't give me drugs. And I open it up.

It's lens wipes for my glasses. A hundred of them. What? It was a mean joke. How? Oh, so it was an intentional joke? I don't know what her intention was I mean they were very useful I did use them to clean my glasses for sure so actually it came in handy It did come in handy and also I huffed them for a while. I got a very A hundred of them will give you something Yeah If you put them all together and then and then put them in a paper bag you get a little something So if you ever done drugs since I have done I have I well, I've been doing drugs all my life.

I'm a lifelong asthmatic. Okay. Well, I have a, I have a variety of exotic inhalers. Uh, I'm always on something. I'm always on something. You have an inhaler that has a picture of a woman in a bikini. And then when you turn it upside down to breathe in, the bikini goes away. Yeah.

Well, that's something I, I modded, I modded my inhaler custom that way. But yeah, if I mentioned my inhaler, maybe they'll give me free ones. Breast tree, Aerosphere, Breast tree, Aerosphere. It's officially for a chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. But I know a guy, this is now big time Hollywood guy. Wow. Even though it's not for asthma. So you are technically getting some drugs.

I am. That's wonderful. They call me Johnny Elicit, that is all. So the anecdote has officially wrapped up. That is all. I said it. Okay, wonderful. I'm done now.

This is why when you begged me to be on the show, Unsolicited, I said, I gotta have him on. He tells the best stories in the biz. And here you are, begging me to be on another show. They're never as very interesting as yours. Thank you. What else is in the news? I do not know and I don't choose to know.

Are you staying away from the news? I've decided for the next four years that I don't wanna hear a certain person's voice, and so I am actively avoiding it. And it's sort of like, you know, the Whamageddon where you avoid hearing last Christmas, I gave you my heart, you know? I'm actively avoiding it, and it's hard, man. You gotta always have the remote control. You have to have discipline. Yeah. I discovered over the course of eight years

that reading the news and getting outraged and upset did not change the outcome of the news in any way. Right. Well, eventually Obama, you know, gave it over to the next person so you were... Finally. Thanks, Obama, for finally getting out of here. That is all. We kid, we kid. Of course, we don't talk about who we voted for on this show. We keep that close to the vest. We save that for your below deck podcast.

That's right. Yeah. Everything is out in the open on that. All right. It's voting time. What do you think about that when they split up the tips? And it's always like, they say, say all right this trip we made 20,000 and everyone goes and then the next trip they go this trip we made 21,000 and they all go yeah

and it's they're they're disappointed over basically splitting up between eight of them one thousand dollars. Yachties are a mercurial lot. You own a boat. I do own a boat. As discussed in your book vacation. I mean, one out there who was wondering if I was Caucasian. Now, you know, I do own a boat and it is, it is sometimes moored in the state of Maine. That's right.

And how often are you getting out on that boat? Well, when we are in the state of Maine, almost every day, we will go out and row around in our boat. Really? Wow. Yeah. And how often... What else is there to do? How often there...

Oh, sometimes I go candle pin bowling, but that's another story. How often there do you drain your main vein? Almost every day. We row out to the middle of the harbor so that I might drain my main vein. to the middle of the harbor so that I might drain my main thing. Well, Vacationland and of course, Medallion... Status. Status are both in stores now. Anywhere fine books are sold. Anywhere books are sold, borrowed or stolen. That's right. Are they in libraries?

Unfortunately. Really? They're stealing from me, of course. You can get the audio book of all of my books on Libby, which is the public library audio book. And you can also get an ebook. Interesting. Through Libby.

Very interesting. I'm not plugging Libby, but this is a very interesting story. And that's why I'm talking about it. Well, those are both great books. Thank you. Uh, it's been a minute since you've written one though, because it feels like maybe, let me, let me guess when medallion status came out. All right.

Let's guess. 20. Wrong. Wrong?, let's guess. 20. Wrong. Wrong? 19. Correct. 19.

I'm guessing the year, John. Oh, excuse me. What did you think, I was guessing the specific day? I thought you were guessing 2020. Which would be, I thought you were going with the last two. Remember how we used to refer to years by the last two years? That all changed in the year 2000. Now we had to start, like people aren't going around going oh, one with the last two. Remember how we used to refer to years by the last two years? That all changed in the year 2000.

Now we had to start, like people aren't going around going oh one, oh two. But we did stop saying the year 2000 and blank. That's right. Which was a real thing until the middle of the last decade or so. So now we're saving time, just saying 20 whatever. The year 2019 was the publication year.

That's what I was gonna guess and you just gave it away. Fuck, I would have been right. I didn't wanna give you the prize. No one's ever guessed correctly and the competition continues everyone. What is it about writing a book? Cause Vacationland and Medallion Status came pretty close after one another.

Vacationland feels like 2017 maybe. Absolutely right. Unfortunately, we don't have a prize for that book. And then of course, as established 2019 from Medallion status. Then six years goes by, no books from Johnny Hodge. That's absolutely right. What is happening? Well, David Rees and I made two seasons of a cartoon for Hulu called Dick Town,

which are still on Hulu and we'll see how long, see how much hard drive space they have. I think it's too late to get a tax write off. So they might leave it up there for a little while. And that took up some time, but yeah, no, I'd like to write another book. I just, you know, what I need is an idea. Well, it's not like anything's happened over the past six years since you wrote the last one. Much of the things that have happened over the past six years, I don't want to think about them. I don't want to spend time alone with my thoughts so much as I used to perhaps. I understand

Well, if I have an idea and and and maybe let's talking to some of your guests Let's throw out some ideas. I'll get some get them right here before we go to break. Let's just throw out ideas Go for it, please. Okay a robot. Yeah who is Don't that's it. No more. Just a robot. No, okay, go ahead. I'd like to see where you're going with this. Okay, a robot who thinks that he or she... Or they... Have achieved sentience.

Right, thinks they have. Realizes that they haven't. Right. And... And start doing a podcast with Jack Quaid of all people. Okay. I like where you're going with this. Isn't that interesting?

And it's about below deck. This would be a weird... I thought it was below decks. Below deck period. I gotta look this up. Go ahead. Hold on. I dare you.

It's below decks, isn't it? It is not. You're right. It's below deck. I knew I would be right. The singular deck. Although there are many below deck franchises. That's like Mediterranean.

Mediterranean, old school. Australia? Down under they call it. Down under. Can you do an Australian accent? Absolutely not. Well, of course, John Hodgman is here. He has the Judge Sean.

When are you going to realize that you're not sentient? I don't know. It's gonna happen in some way. I mean, we just broke off another hundo. We're in 900 episodes. This is our thousandth hundo. Wow. And it's going to happen at some point.

How many episodes of your show have you done? The Judge Sean Hodgman podcast, do you mean? Yeah, Sean Hoffman. Sean Sean Hodgman? Sean Sean Hodgman. Look, I'm the first to acknowledge it's a terrible name for a podcast. It's impossible to say. And so it is almost hilarious to know that we've done almost 700? 700.

700. Wow. That's an achievement. Congratulations. It's not very interesting. As far as I'm concerned, it's the most interesting topic there is. But it comes out every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org. How many episodes of The Simpsons are there? About 700. How many?

Here we go. Episodes of the first, it gives me a below deck. It's actually not The Simpsons, it's The Simpsons. Oh, interesting, 781. 781 episodes? You'll get there. Yeah. They only do 20 a year, if that.

If, you know what? I remember one season they put out one, they were like, that's all we got. Maybe they'll give me the chance that I gave Justin Long to catch up. Stop for a while and that will catch up. Well, the Judge Sean Hoffman podcast is out there and people can get it. We need- Co-created by Jesse Thorpe. That's right.

And available at MaximumFun.org. That's right. We need to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have some deep sea adventurers. We're going to have an entrepreneur. This available at maximumfund.org. That's right. We need to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have some deep sea adventurers, we're gonna have an entrepreneur. This is a packed show. Maybe I'll get an idea for a book. That's right.

Yeah, we should ask each of our guests if they have an idea for you. Well, I mean, it's your podcast. You can decide. I decided it. I said I wanted to do it. Well, that's, that is all then. Okay, that is all.

Shall I take us out? Please take us to commercial. All right, we're going to a commercial now. And that, as we always say, is all. Shall I take us out? Please take us to commercial. All right, we're going to a commercial now and that as we always say is all mate Comedy bang bang we're back with Judge John Hodgman see how easy it is, but then I fucked up easy right afterwards

Yeah, you can get the name right, but then anything you say afterwards is going to be incorrect. Yes. If you listen to the podcast, you will learn that is exactly what happens. Really? Say my own name, and then I go blank for about 30 minutes.

This is an enticement to listen to your show, but I don't know that I'm going to take you up on it. You know what? Maybe some of your listeners won't. I'm too busy making the things. I can't listen to yours. I understand completely. How often do you listen to this thing?

What's that? How often do you listen to this thing? This comedy bang bang? Religiously every week. No, you don't. Nah. If I did, I could do an Australian accent. That's true. I'm not sure why.

Um, and we need to get to our next... But I do, but Scott... God damn it. Did you hear me dismounting from you? You didn't say that at all. Alright, but Scott. God damn it. Did you hear me dismounting from you? You didn't say that is all. All right, go ahead. I adore the podcast and I adore you and I hope that you someday achieve sentience. I adore you. I want to hear your show at one point.

I think I heard one episode. I think it was great. Then you did your bit. Yeah, I did my part. Absolutely. I added to those early ratings. Yeah. Which put you over the hump.

Oh, absolutely. Set you up for life. We've been over the hump. Oh, absolutely. Set you up for life. We've been over the hump for a long time now. We got that Aukerman hump. Well, we need to get to our next guest. And we were saying that we need story ideas for your next book. And- Ideally.

One of these guys is the master of story. And another guy is, I guess, like an army guy. But put them together, they're both deep sea adventurers. We want to welcome them back to the show. Please welcome back James Cameron and Jake Sully. King of the world. I'm king of the world, Scott. I'm glad to be back. The disrespect right out of the gate is astonishing. Is that an Australian accent? No, I'm American. I don't know this. I sound American all the time. That's right. You are an American. I'm an American. That's my catchphrase.

You were part of the US Army. No, what the fuck is this shit? What armed forces were you? Didn't you get your legs blown off in the in a war or something? No, my brother, I became paralyzed in a motorcycle accident, I believe. My brother was an RDA trooper. They built an avatar off of him, my twin brother.

He died very expensive. The only way to recoup the investment was to put me in there. I'm not an army guy, I'm an American. Is that what that movie is about? Scott, what the fuck? It's the most beloved successful movie of all time. We're of course talking about the Avatar franchise, of which there are two movies currently released, but there is a third one coming when? Just in time for Christmas, Scott. We're starting the promo tour right here, right now.

So by December 25th? Christmas, Scott. We're starting the promo tour right here, right now. So by December 25th? We are set to release Avatar the 3rd, December 19th, six days before the birth of Christ is celebrated, and we have been at the bottom of the ocean putting this film together. You've been putting it together at the bottom of the ocean? That's where the edit bay is. That's where the edit bay is at the bottom of the ocean.

And Scott, I'm talking about the very bottom of the ocean? That's where the edit bay is. That's where the edit bay is at the bottom of the ocean. And Scott, I'm talking about the very bottom of the ocean. All the way down. So deep, balls deep in the ocean. So deep it puts your ass to sleep? Do I put my ass to sleep? What does that mean? That's just a euphemism for how deep one can get. Up in the guts of that ocean, or down in the guts, I should say. We are so excited. We've been down there. We've been putting it together. It's with some exciting stuff. It looks incredible. And we're finally ready to start promoting it. Before we do so, in earnest, Scott, I would appreciate an apology. I would also like an apology, Scott.

Do you want an apology for the same thing? Your history of rudeness and disrespect to our film franchise, but more specifically, in the first segment, I heard you say that you're trying to game out how you spend the next four years avoiding hearing that voice, that you don't want to hear it, you're going to block it out. And that clearly is a reference to the fact that two more Avatar films are coming out in the next four years. Oh, I don't know that I was necessarily talking about you. I mean, I look, I've talked about it before. I'm not a fan of these films. The dulcet American tones of Jake Sully.

You've only seen two of them, to be honest. I think it's a little early to be declaring that you're not a fan. We're not even one yet. And that's coming from the judge himself, John Sean Hodgman. We have been living in the world of the Navi. We've been living in the Avatar world. What is the... Deeply immersed. What is the planet called again? Pandora. Pandora. One of the moons. Pandora, yeah.

Don't look to each other to remind yourselves. We know, we're just giving each other support. We know. Yeah. We're very isolated here talking to you because we know you think you don't like these films because you've seen a fraction of what the Avatar franchise has to offer. I guess you're right. You can't judge something on just the first... Like if it was a normal film, it'd be 90 minutes. You can't judge it on the first minute or so.

I can. But not everyone. The next film is going to be 192 minutes long, same as Boy of Water. And we're excited because we know we've been looking around to see some glum faces. We came up from the ocean. You've been looking around down underwater? Since we came up. Scott, follow the narrative.

This is basic storytelling. We came up from the bottom of the ocean. We're looking around. We see some glum faces. So what happened here? What happened here? So you just walk me through this. You're in the little float-o-spear or wherever you guys are editing. We see some glum faces. We thought. So what happened here? What happened here? What's going on?

Why is everyone so upset? So you just walk me through this. You're in the little floatosphere or whatever, wherever you guys are editing. You come up, you pop up. Is there a periscope first? Wait, are you doing post-production underwater too? Correct. Okay, I misunderstood.

It's not going to sound right if we do it on land. And Avatar's being released in the most formats of any movie ever, so we have to do like 25 different post-production processes. Understandable. So you... Thanks. So we... American.

Is there a periscope first or where you're looking around and you see the glum faces or... We'll do a periscope just to check. Yeah. And then we post it on periscope and then James sticks his finger outside the top of the submarine just to test the temperature. Yeah. Yeah. The wettest finger possible.

And if it's, if it's a temperature you don't like, do you go back down? Yeah. Correct. Fortunately, we liked the temperature when we came up. We did, we said it feels warm out there, and then we got up and we saw all these glum faces. We came right here in Los Angeles.

Santa Monica, Peter? We came right to your studio. Straight here. No stops. To start the promo tour. I wondered why you're sopping wet. People could use some escapism right now. Right now we want to cheer people up. So we are here to talk about the next Avatar movie, Avatar Fire and Ash. Fire and Ash. We don't know if people

are sad, but we want to give them some entertaining escapism. Fire and Ash coming this Christmas. Fire and Ash. Just in time for Christmas. This is going to be the feel-good event of the year, even though some bad things happen in it. It's gonna light up across this great country. And these great countries. As I recall, the first one was set in, like, the jungle, and it was a movie about a bunch of people or creatures who stuck their ponytails into each other's butts.

And then... Not quite. The second one was all like set underwater and it was about the same guys- Monoclonal reef. Who are just kind of like swimming around. And then this one, everyone's on fire? Is that what I-

A bunch of new guys. I had like five children. Do you think that people want to see people on fire with what's been happening in Los Angeles? First of all, superb summary. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, if you have to break it down to the very-

The elevator pitch is really what it's all about. You know, Aukerman's famous in this Hollywood town for writing log lines. Top log line guy, ghost writes all the log lines in town. You- A movie needs summarizing, they go to Aukerman. You're a log line guy. I'm a log line guy.

That's I think in log lines, you know? That's the short form storytelling. They call me Johnny Elicit, that is all, and they call him Scotty Logline, that is all. You know, some people like long form improv, some people like short form, you know, blackout sketches at 30 seconds. That's what I like.

What's your favorite movie, Scott? Yeah. Favorite movie... First of all, there was that one with the train coming right towards the camera. Ah! Ah! Very scary. Oh, sorry, just thinking about it scared me. First of all, there was that one with the train coming right towards the camera. Ah! Ah! Very scary.

Oh, sorry. Just thinking about it scared me. Oh, I thought you were worried of being spoiled. I didn't say whether or not it stops. It misses the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I saw the first minute of it, so I knew it was the camera. Okay, give me the log line for that.

And then give me what you put on the poster. Okay, so log line. Several onlookers are very perturbed by the sight of a train coming towards them wondering if it'll hit them. All right, not bad. Now, give me what's on the poster. Train yourself to be terrified this Christmas. See, what did I tell you? Wait a second, I know we got a lot of promotion. He's not just logline guy, he's tagline guy. Can we retroactively, what would you have thrown on that fucking Titanic one sheet? Titanic probably...

If you like the first three letters, Kate Winslet's gonna show them. Can I tell you what... That is good. Can I tell you what, because you think that you've earned a certain amount of respect in this business. You'll ship both of these characters. And people did, didn't they? That's a bee poster. I, and this is part of the reason why I insisted

on having tagline and logline approval for avatars because I was so upset that Titanic rejected the studio, 20th Century Fox, they were terrified. They thought, is this gonna work? Will people like it? And I said, here's what goes on the poster. Not everybody likes to go down. And then my pitch was an arrow pointing up to my face and saying, but this guy sure does.

Wait, this was for Titanic? You were in Titanic? Yeah. Your face was on the poster? Yeah, I was sort of seating later. I just said, and 20th Century Fox said, no way, no way is he on the poster. First of all, I don't know why is Jake Sully on this? Cause he likes to go down. He's not even a character yet.

He loves it. No, what do you mean? I mean, he existed in your imagination at this point. Did you exist before this podcast started? The Avatar films take place in a far away world. Yeah, in the future? Really deep in the future. Deep in the future.

Really deep, okay. Yeah. Same timeline though. What do you think about Finding Nemo and Shark Tale? They walked so you could run. Well, they swam so that we could dive. Yeah. So swimming is the early version of diving?

Yeah. Yeah. I like those movies. Those movies are pretty wet. Yeah. So you like wet Yeah. I like those movies. Those movies are pretty wet. Yeah. So you like wet things. I like wet movies. You like wet movies. What about wet treasure?

Wet treasure. I know a guy, you would get along with this guy really well. This guy Brock Love it. He loves wet treasure. Wet treasure. Tell me more. I'm excited.

I'm interested. If he sees some dry treasure on land, he'll walk by it. He does not give it the time of day. Will he kick it into the ocean so he can go down and get it again? That's his little workaround. That's relatable, Scott. That's relatable.

See, like, wet movies. We're talking Splash. Yeah, pretty wet. That's the onomatopoeia version of, like, diving into the ocean, is it not? Mm-hmm. Yeah, if Ronnie Howard hadn't made that film, that might have been what we call Titanic. I think you were probably better off with the title. Well, the problem is Titanic. You think, oh, box office disaster. You can see the doubts. See where it would go wrong.

Or a splash. Ooh, makes a big splash. Do you ever consider, like, here comes the burgh? Yeah. But then there was the movie The the burbs. And we were worried that that people would mishear it and think here comes the burbs. Sounds like a sequel. Sounds like I remember when Kevin James comes, the boom was coming out. Right. Yeah.

James and I were holding hands all weekend because we were like, if this thing opens to 150 million, we're going to feel like fucking idiots. Yeah. And when it opened below 10, it was like, okay, we went the right way. Although here comes the boom could also be the alternate title to Titanic. For a hot second, we were going to call it Ice Tribe, Big Boat. And then we were hot on that title for a hot rock. By the way, it was testing well.

It was testing through the roof. It was testing really well. Here's my question. James, and sorry, sit this one out. What's your name? Jake Sully? I'm Jake Sully, I'm the biggest movie star of all time. I'm the highest grossing actor in history. You're not an actor, you're a character though.

What's the fucking difference, my man? You're a real actor, there is no difference. That's a good point. Hodgman gets it. But so that is all. You make this movie about with water, and water we all know when we freeze it it becomes ice Yeah, ice baby, and then you're like, let's let's do some more of that with this last avatar

All this will be explained. You know, one of the things that we're excited about I know last time we announced That we would be progressing the number of avatars that come out Exponentially. Yeah, yeah to where pretty soon all movies would be avatar. Yeah, I mean all movies. Unwilling, yeah. The hope is to eventually fold back in, start carving up the movies that already exist that weren't intended to be avatars.

Tite Avatar. Yeah. Tite Avatar. Well, not just my movies, but really any. I know, but that's a good place to start. Yeah, Tite Avatar. It's a wonderful avatar. Yes, although we wanna be careful

because the way that the L rolls over, lavatar sounds like a- Lavatory. Yes. And that will be a movie that we make. We will be making, one of the avatars will be called Lavatory. Lavatory.

Lavatory. Because to be honest- Slashvatar. I've watched these movies and I've wondered, where does Jake Sully go to the bathroom? You know, it's like a jungle planet Where does he go? Uh, I'll tell you where he goes Wherever he wants. Thank you

And that's true on set. Biggest star in the world. That's true on set. I go James hand me a Voss bottle. Are you doing are you pulling a Jim Belushi where you're just allegedly Allegedly look sometimes I'm pulling a Jim Belushi. Sometimes I'm pulling a Jim Belushi. Sometimes I'm pulling a Danny Thomas. Sometimes I'm pushing, pulling a Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I go whatever. Chuck Berry ever? Yeah.

Day one, day one on fire and ash. We're getting ready for the first take. Yeah. Speed sound rolling. Sure. I know the terms. Yeah. I know the jargon.

We're ready to go. Jake turns to me and says, James, hand me a priceless Ming vase. Wow. I happen to have one with me. Sure. You have a collection, I'm sure. Yeah. And I said, James, get Bob Iger on FaceTime right now. I want him to see this. So he knows who's boss. Right. Yeah.

And you just relieved yourself right into the vase. Absolutely. Yeah. That's it went up in value. Whoa. But it's priceless. So how does it go up in value? It's priceless times two.

Yeah. Oh, times two. So it would be two. Two priceless. Unimaginable price. Priceless goo goo. All you gotta do is not be able to imagine two things. Yeah.

I don't think that I have the capacity to do that. Oh, I know that you don't, Scott. Yeah. It's like a David Fincher 7 where it was priceless, but the E was a 2. I can't wait to fold this podcast into the Avatar series. Why are you talking at the same time? We have so much to say on our press tour. If we're gonna talk at the same time, you can just take the stems.

Unfold it. We'll try to separate whatever it was you both said. You were talking about the David Fincher seven. We're so deep in mixing. We're using mixing lingo, sound mixing lingo. Because we're deep in the mix, the stems of the mix. Can I ask, this movie Fire and Ash. Escapism.

Are there matches in this world? Yes. Underwater? Yes. Go on. There's also Match.com. Match.com, really? So like Jake Sully, are you out there like going on?

I'm a married man. I have children. My family's a fortress. I don't know. You don't know about Nate Teary? Is that a character? Scott. Is that a character?

Scott. Scott. Scott. She's the most successful actress of all time. Are we talking Zoe Saldana? Yeah. Uh-huh. She's about to win an Oscar, maybe.

We'll find out. We'll find out. The tilde is now pronounced. That's true, but she's my wife. She's your wife in these films. I'm not signing up for Match.com. I'm a loyal man. But your kids are something?

I don't know. My kids are many things. They're my fortress. Lowock, Took, my son who died. What's that character's name? We're not going to talk about him. Scott, don't do that. That's not what this is. And the culture is not being once your child dies. He's not in the next one. We're looking forward to it.

I can't wait to fold this podcast into the Avatar franchise. We'll never forget him, but we'll never say his name. This Avatar is not going to be part of the Avatar universe. Comedy, slang, bad vatars. Eventually, we're going to get your whole back catalog, your whole library, we're going to fold it all in. We're going to get the book. We're going to fold the book and it's going to be published. Second edition, it'll have an avatar logo at the top. No.

Comedy, bavatar, bavatar. I don't want to be part of the avatar. Avatar, bang bang. I don't like these things. Comedy death, ravatar. These are stupid movies. Not everyone likes them. I cannot name a single person who has ever liked one of these. James Cameron! Jake Sully! That's two right there.

That's two, we just did it, we just priceless times two. I'm gonna take your last name, I'm gonna take the A, I like it so much, I'm gonna take the U, I'm gonna squeeze it till it's a V, I'm gonna take the K, I'm gonna make another A out of that, I'm gonna take the top stem, I'm gonna break it off, I'm gonna put it in so it's in between, so you got another little R. You're gonna be Scott Avatar Man. This is the thing, you need to understand. It's so close. It's so close. It takes very little effort. I do it without breaking a sweat.

James is a conservationist, right, so he doesn't like wasting things. I won't waste your name, I will use it to make a new Avatar. He's using every part of the buffalo, so when we're changing these titles, we're not hitting delete once. We're re-crafting the letters. Comedy splash-flash. That's funny. And what font is this? This is in the... Oh yeah, in the Papyrus.

Proprietary font. I'm Papyrus the font we use. Papyrus the proprietary font. Well guys, I wish you luck with these. We don't need luck. We don't need luck. We don't need luck. These are already the most successful things. Most anticipated movie of all time.

Most anticipated. Yeah, but each one that comes out, you guys got to be thinking like, when does everyone realize that these are stupid, right? I mean, like that's got to be in the back of your mind. I can't relate to your experience. Maybe that's what happens every time you record an episode. We watch it. I mean, honestly, yeah.

This is still good. I'm thinking this might be the one. In all seriousness, Scott, I get that you're making a joke. I get that's what you do. That's what you do. I made true lies. I know how to make a comedy. That's true.

That gets them wet. That's funny. Well guys, Avatar 3 Fire and Ash comes out... Fire and Ash. Fire and Ash. December, what'd you say? 19th. December 19th, people can see it in 3D, I would imagine.

High frame rates. You ever gonna add a dimension? Yeah, we're working on it. Like just squirt water on people? That's 40x. That's 40x. That's already happening. No, we have it.

So whenever there's a gunshot, it blows on you. Yeah. Sometimes it punches you in the back. Yeah. These aren't bits. This is just real. This is describing what 40x is describing what 4DX is. Yeah.

Whenever there's a gunshot, it goes, and it blows on your neck. We're working on 5DX though. What's the fifth dimension? Stick the ponytail in the butt. That's right. I'm sorry. Stick the ponytail in the hand, hold. Or else it gets the hose again, of course.

Well guys, I wish you love with this, your creative endeavors. We need to take a break. Can you stick around? I mean, I know you're so successful and you need to get back to the editing, but there are still some glum faces over here. We're gonna take a break.

When we come back, we have an entrepreneur. We'll have more John Hodgman. We'll have more James Cameron and, I'm seeing your name is Jake Sully. Jake motherfucking Sully. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we have John Hodgman here. Rock and tour, ex of The Daily Show.

You're going to go back to The Daily Show? I mean, John Stewart is back, I guess. And did you get the call of like, hey, come on back and do the thing that you used to do? No. All right. Well, but I'd love to if they decide to call. But they're very busy and I am not reading the news, so it might not be the best.

It might not work out. We also have James Cameron and Jake Sully are here. King of the world. Let's get to our next guest. She's an entrepreneur. This is exciting. Never been on the show before. Please welcome Kitty C. Joy Sage.

Hi. Hello. Hi. Thank you so much for having before. Please welcome Kitty C. Joy Sage. Aww. Hi. Hello. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. It's so good to meet you. This is John Hodgman over here. Hi, John. How do you do? And James Cameron. I just got a hook. Fictional character Jake Sully.

Real movie star, though. Fictional character. I love that. And hi, James Cameron. I have some products for you. Oh. Products? Yes. Okay, what is it?

I assume these are products that you sell? Yes, so I have opened a skins care product line of skins care products. Skins care. Skin care. So we all know what skins is. Like epidermis. On your skin.

The organ that is surrounding our body. The largest organ in the human body. Depends on who you're talking about. Hey, Scott, we can agree on that. That is such a good one. So, I have a line of skin care that is scientifically proven. Proven? To be scientific.

And it is full of product. But here's the thing. How many products have you seen that have so many ingredients? Like we're talking 200, 300 things in there. A jam packed, right? They're jam packed with things. You're like, what is this? What is C-4-7-6-10? Too many.

You know? Yeah. So I've made products that are full of just five ingredients that involve one very specific scientifically proven thing. I have a question. Okay. What do skins eat? Huh. Guess what's in here? Other skins.

That's true. I mean, skin particles are everywhere. Skin particles is in everything. Right. But those have never been taken down into one scientifically proven ingredient to put into a product to help skins eat more skins. Oh, okay. So the first ingredient in your product would be? Skin.

Skin. Skin, okay. Great. So this is what type of product is this again? Skins Care. Skins Care. Yes. So this is some sort of a product you put on your skins?

That is right. And the first ingredient is skins? Skins. Okay, got it. So skins, usually some kind of fruit like a pomegranate or a neuron, neuron huh? Something and then something else like chicken push and then other two minerals. Can I just ask one follow up question here? I would love that.

Yeah. And I would love that. So I love the five ingredient cap. Thank you, because that, if you can count it on one hand, I say, yes, put it, high five. Yeah. Cool. I got big hands. So- Count it, five it, spread it on your hand. That's it.

I love that. Can I, I'm going to use that. Yeah, that's great. Go for it, please. That is all. It sounds like the other skins is like the cornerstone ingredient that's going to be in every bottle. That's right, other skins. And it sort of makes it sound the way you just described it, like the other four ingredients are kind of a free-for-all based on whatever's closest at that time?

I do like whatever's in Grasp I have, but it's all proven by science. There were just quite a few maybes when you were listing minerals, right? Maybe this'll be in it, maybe this will be in it. So is every bottle different? Yes. So that's four ingredients. Skins, nirvana, chicken push, minerals. Two different kinds of minerals.

So yeah, you have to listen when I explain it. So two different kinds of minerals. One is scientifically proven and one we're still waiting to find out. What I respect about what you do is the timid wait to figure out what's safe and the bold forge ahead and prove what's safe. But isn't that what life is? That is exactly. It's a merging of what we know and what we don't know. I hope you're writing this down, Scott. Yeah. Why would I be writing something down in the middle of a podcast? I'm just, if I really wanted to remember it,

I'd go listen to it again. And I'm not going to. You have a whiteboard right next to your mixing board. I know you don't want people to know about that. Take that pen out. It's just to remember Jake Soli's name. I think you're to be commended for what you do. Thank you.

So I have products that are, but I would love to be the sponsor for Call Me a Bang Bang. That's why I'm so excited to be here today, because I've been really trying to get meeting with you. I really want to be the skins care product of Call Me a Bang Bang. Oh, please don't. You're tearing up right now. Her face is getting so wet. I'm so excited about it. James, you're so excited right now. Her face is so wet.

Wet skins. Can we try this before I greet anything? Absolutely, I have a bottle here for you. I do have to, is this water soluble? Yes it is. Cause I'm gonna get, I'm in the ocean. It's actually really good for waters. So yeah, so that one is Neuronha.

Neuronha. Mm-hmm. That one's chicken skins. This is chicken skin plus skin? Mm-hmm. Okay. Chicken skin, chicken skins. This is chicken skin plus skin? Mm-hmm. Okay. Chicken skin, regular skin. This is a good burn.

Yeah, it feels great in my pony. And then those two minerals. This is very coarse. A little bit of chicken push, and then. Maybe a little bit of chicken push. Just a little bit, yeah, I have a different. I just remembered that I have an intense chicken push allergy, so.

How maybe are we on this? Because I put this stuff all over my face. So I have a scientist looking into that and I'll let you know by the end of the morning I guess. I gotta say mine that you gave me, my sample is mainly mineral, it's just like a rock. Okay, well that's good, that's lucky actually if you get just mineral. But it feels bad when I try to apply it to my face. That's called sloughing.

What you're doing right now is called sloughing. Is it really red right now? It is. I haven't seen a reaction. It means it's working. It's working. That means it's working. Working incorrectly though?

No, working right. Can I tell y'all a secret? Yeah, please tell us a secret. So I bet you're wondering how, how, how, how am I able to come up with all these ideas? I have a question. Yeah. How, how, how, how are I able to come up with all these ideas? I have a question. Yeah. How, how, how, how are you able to come up with these ideas? He's swelling a bit, but that is normal.

It's normal? That is actually normal. Why aren't we swelling him? Why aren't you? The question stands, that is all. It was different on every person. Okay. And so, and you're having a swelling reaction, which just means it's working.

So you're wondering how do I get all these ideas? Yeah. I have a secret. So wait, the secret is that you have a secret? Yes. Okay. Tell us this secret. Do you have another secret?

I have another secret. I'm holding that secret. Holy shit. What is the third secret? I have someone special who lives in my home. You have someone special who lives in your home? Yeah, and it's a secret. Like a roommate?

An in-law? No. A pet? No, kind of. No. Okay, let me tell you. Are you wanting to know? Yeah, I think we're out of guesses.

Okay. Is it extraterrestrial? An A. Have you guys seen ET? I think we're out of guesses. Okay. It's a extraterrestrial. An ET. Have you guys seen ET? Did you ever wonder where that thing went? Yeah. I think it went home, extensively back to its home planet.

We didn't see him get there though. That's true, we saw him get in the spaceship. How do we know he landed? They were cowards, they ended at one. Okay, he did go home, but then he was like, uh-uh, not anymore. I'm going back. Hey, can I sidebar with you for one moment? Yeah.

Is this a sidebar? Yeah, just quick sidebar, guys. So the ET who lives with you is the ET? It is the ET, but he has a name. What's his, what's ET's name? Plinko. Pinko? Plinko.

Plinko. Plinko, like the Price is Right game, or Pinko like what we used to call communists? Oh, well, I think it's the fun one. Yeah. Oh, Plinko. That's what you said the first time. That worked out well.

Yeah, Plinko, they're like the gang. Plinko, Plinko. And you know what his planets call? What? Supiguku. Supiguku? Yes. So Plinko? Supiguku. Supiguku? Yes. So Plinko from Supiguku is here in Hollywood now?

Yes, he lives in my home. Is he, and just sidebar quickly, is he taking? This doesn't need to be a sidebar. These are the questions we all wanna know. Sidebar, this is personal. Yes, yeah. What is? Do you have an EpiPen,

cause I'm getting tired of this bit. Yeah, I think I have an EpiPen somewhere here. Here, try this. Oh here, actually I have an EpiPen somewhere here. Here, wait, try this. Oh, here, actually I have another cell for you that's gonna fix that. No, thank you. Here, here.

Can I just jab you with it here? Ah! God! I pulp fiction styled right in the heart. That is old! Okay. Is Plinko taking meetings? Is he trying to get work?

I'll talk to him about that. Okay, because I've just kind of... Yeah, he's amazing. Well, I know, but I... We're kind of dating, but... You're dating Plinko? Yeah. How does that, I mean, you know, how's that work?

You're two different species, I guess? Okay, so remember when he put on that outfit and he could go out... During Halloween. On Halloween. Yeah, he was a he put on that outfit and he could go out? During Halloween. On Halloween. Yeah, he was a ghost, is that right? He was a terrorist. He was a terrorist?

Well, the kids were terrorists. They were all terrorists. He was a ghost, was he not? He was a ghost, yeah. He put a sheet over. Yeah, he put a sheet over him. Yeah, like Ghost Protocol, he was a terrorist. So he is just, sometimes he puts on wigs and, and.

Like when he was in the closet. Yeah. He looked like an old lady. Yeah. And so one day he did that and I was like, you're hot. And then we started dating. Yeah. He's making the products with you.

Well, he is helping me co-create. Yeah. And he, he's been the one who's really talked about like, hey, you guys quit it with the SPF. Like things are, the sun is now on your side. Well, yeah, I mean, he's got a really brown, wrinkly body, so he doesn't care if his, you know. Hey, that's my boyfriend.

I beg your, I mean, but you like it. I love it, yeah. So, I mean, that's a compliment. I know, but isn't that funny that his wrinkly body is helping me make skins Are you harvesting wrinkly plinko skins for your skin screen? Well, I'm scientifically proving those now Yeah, I've been sending them to the sciences to the sciences Yeah to the labs and they're gonna let me know by the end the podcast and plinko helped you develop this because it's his skin And did he give you the technology for the mineral

that doesn't really exist? I think he, yeah, he brought that mineral down from SupiGugu and I think that with that is where we've really been able to expand and think about what could this be? So this is almost like, you know, kryptonite. Yes. In a way, a mineral that doesn't exist here on Earth.

Exactly, we don't have a name for it yet. Okay, but it could be SupiGooGoo-onite or something like that. SupiGooGoo, we actually have tried to push that name out, but we almost got sued. By Gwyneth. By, oh, because of Goop. Because of Goop. Because the G-O-O. I would be careful even saying that. She owns G-O-O now. Does she? Yeah, that's why babies never say that anymore. They never say goo goo anymore. I would be really careful you guys. Well, I'm sorry. I know she's crying again.

I would be really careful about where you say that. Her face is getting wet again. I think she copyrighted going down and wishing people that sue her to have a nice life as well. Excuse me. I copyrighted going down if you catch my drift. All right. Check the poster. I don't want to high five again. Sorry, but going down if you catch my drift. All right. Check the poster.

I don't want to high five again. So what does- Sorry, but ET also. Oh, fuck. ET really? Yeah. I think that's maybe TMI, babe. ET go down? Yeah, ET go down.

Is it on high five for him because he's got that long neck? No, I think that really helps him. I think it's NEI. NEI. What? NEI? Not enough information. Is, oh. Right. Yeah. It's NEI. What? NEI. What? NEI? Not enough information.

Is... Oh. Right. Yeah. EP. Extrapolate, please. Or elaborate, I should have said. What kind of humorist am I?

Yeah, really. Okay, I have another little secret. You have another secret? I mean, this will be a fix. I gotta say, chicken push. This was huge already. The fact that ET has come back, he's from a planet named SupiGugu, his name is Plinko,

and he's going down on you on the reg. And he's taking meetings around town. These are huge, huge revelations. Not with Netflix. This one's a little bit TMI, but in your, maybe not in I-T-I-T. N-E-I, thank you. That's it.

Some of the products have been tested and scientifically proven using Plinko's excretions. Okay. Excretions. Jizz. I mean, as excretions go, that's one of the better ones. I know. So I'm just saying that you all have put that on you today, and you're glowing.

I thought you meant the way you tested them was that Plinko would jizz on the product. That's how I interpret it. Because you said some of these have been tested using his jizz, that he would ejaculate. To see if it was jizz resistant. I think what Kitty Sejoy is trying to say is that they've tested them and found that there is his ejaculate if it was jizz resistant. I think what Kitty Sejoy Sage is trying to say is that they've tested them and found that there is his ejaculate within. Yes. And it is particularly effective for what?

It is effective for anti-wrinkle. Anti-wrinkle. Anti-wrinkle. Yeah. Why doesn't he jizz on himself then? He's very wrinkly. I don't know. Maybe he likes his wrinkles like you do.

I think he does. Yeah. I think he really likes it. I think he embraces it. And I think that that's also a good message for- You gotta love yourself. You gotta love yourself first. I think it's a good message for the world.

Embrace yourself. Also- I mean, we could all be jizzing on ourselves and looking fantastic. Exactly. But we gotta love ourselves first. That's right. Learn a few tricks.

Do we know how maybe he'd be even more wrinkled if he wasn't using the product? That's a good point. Like, we're seeing how wrinkled Plinko is when he is jizzing on himself. This is him looking relatively BBS. Right. Baby bottom smooth. Yeah.

Right. Right. Thank you. To be honest, this is BBS. To be honest, if these crow's feet would away then I would I would trade that for having Plinko jizz in my face Yeah, or in these cups and I would smear it on my face. Yeah, whatever whatever way these cups Well, that's what these were those were a gift Scott. I know

From this these commemorative Promotional Avatar fire and ash cups. I didn't realize these were commemorative promotional Avatar fire and ash cups? I didn't realize these were commemorative cups, I'm sorry. You didn't realize the giant logo that said Avatar fire and ash coming to theaters to someone like me? I thank you for the gift. They're shaped like a Navi hand hole. How do you not know that?

I apologize. I meant just cups in general. Well, the good news is I'm giving you all a gift basket giveaway to take away from you. We have to give them away then? No, I'm giving them away to you. Wow. Right now what we are experiencing is the gift basket giveaway. Yeah, you're about to receive away.

Can I ask you a question about the pressure on these bottles because we're gonna be taking these fathoms deep. I love it. That has scientifically proven that they will be absolutely 100% fine down there. So these aren't gonna explode on the way down? No, they've been flown, they've been deep-seated. Good.

Sea. Sea bed. I mean, these have gone all the way to, what is it, Suppy Juby? Suppy goo-boo-goo. Suppy goo-goo. Suppy goo-goo, yeah. Suppy Juby is a future Avatar planet

that I told you about in confidence. Don't say that. I'm like, I apologize. Can we come to Suppy juby? Because I've been dying to go there. You're welcome. Okay. Wait, can I say a bow to James for a second? Sure. I'm thinking why treat them like competition? Let's fold them in. Let's fold them in. Let's get in series A round on these products, but also get Plinko in our movies so he's not the competition.

Hey guys, what are you talking about over here? Scott, respectfully, back all the fuck the way off. You guys, I- Was that just respectfully? Respectfully, Scott. I'd hate to hear- You weasel-faced asshole. This is still respectfully?

Scott, from the bottom of my heart, you fucking hack. You guys- Back off. Hack? I'm gonna break you apart, you know. You crow-foot hack. You guys. Back off. Hack? I'm gonna break you apart right now. Crow-footed android, back the fuck off. I haven't. Respectfully. I have been listening to everything you were talking about,

but the really good news is, I'm really gonna keep it secret. Okay. Oh. How would you like to join our universe? Shh, I would love it. Oh my God, James. And you think Plinko would be on board? I think he'd be on board.

Does he like to go deep? Yeah. But like really deep? Yeah. It sounds like a good fit. Yeah. You like trees? I love trees.

You sound like a good fit. You like water? I don't like water. I got some great news for you. Yeah? The Navi, the dominant species of Planet Pandora. Yeah, they have so much skins Glowing blue skins everywhere. I'm excited about this is a really good deal. Hey John. Yeah, what's up Jake Sully? Sorry sidebar. Oh quiet sidebar. Come over here. I'm thinking we could maybe

Yeah benefit from folding him in on the steel I I mean, honestly, you know, I've been thinking of an idea for a book this whole time. I can't come up with one. Fold that book and you write the book on screen during Avatar 3 Fire and Ash. Books fold. We could just have one. That's the function. I could do a novelization slash pop-up book.

We could have just one camera on him as he writes the whole time in a pop-in picture. Multi-screen experience. Guys, can I come over or? Oh, come on. I really, I. We're still sidebarring, but yeah, I'd really like to be a part of it. You can come stand by the side of the sidebar. Okay. I really want to be a part of this.

Fold in? I'd love to be folded. You want to be folded? You want to get folded? I'd love, I mean, to be honest, I was a big fan of Plinko's when that movie came out, you know, and I was, I was crying when he crying when he left to go to SupiGuru. We all were. And I would love to see him again.

I'd love to like share the screen with him, even if it was like a pop-up video style of just, you know, me and him growing out down in the corner. He could be like a robot butler or something, right? And you cried at the end of the first Avatar when my consciousness transferred from the home tree into the new Navi body, right? Is that what happened during that?

Jesus fucking Christ. Spoilers. Can I give you guys a movie quote and tell me if you know what movie it is? All right. This is fun. Yeah. OK. I didn't see anything. You're perfect. Avatar the Way of Water. Let me do the voice. I didn't see anything. You're perfect. Yeah, I'm gonna back him up

I think that's an audience member having just seen avatar the way of all I think the first quote was someone in the lobby Yeah, I Cuz it was a little quieter, right? First of all, I didn't see anything. Yeah, they couldn't get into avatar the way of water sold out And then you're perfect with someone in the theater walking out thumbs up talking back the screen. Here's another hint. Okay, there's water involved Something else you're obsessed with I didn't see anything Say do it. I didn't see anything. Oh, you're perfect. Hold on. Is it see se a Se a no

A? No. No, no matter how many E's. Hold on. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. S-E-A? E-E.

Can you say that you're perfect line again? You're perfect. And it's that big that you're perfect. Yeah. You kind of just stipulated. Kitty's got her hands in there. Yeah. I didn't see anything.

You're perfect. Analyze this. Okay, here's another hint. Okay. She's got her hand bit. Yeah, yeah. I didn't see anything. You're perfect! Analyze this. Okay, here's another. Here's another hint. Okay.

There's an opening of a shower curtain. I didn't see anything. Oh, this is Hitchcock. You're perfect! Psycho. Psycho. Psycho. Definitely psycho.

There's a shower movie. Famous shower curtain. Famous comedy. Did you say it was a comedy? Well. The bit is, Guy opens shower curtain, sees naked lady, turns around apologizes, I didn't see anything, and then belies the fact that he did in fact see things by saying you're perfect. Is this true lies? There are other movies.

But he did see something, clearly. Yeah. Do you want to know? There are other movies. At the Colony. But he did see something, clearly. Yeah. Do you want to know? Yes. Do you want me to tell you who the actor was? Yeah. Yeah, Plinko.

Ronnie Danifield. In Ladybugs? No. Oh, God. What was his other big movie? Back to School? Yeah! You win!

You win a whole gift basket. No, thank you. Well, Kitty C Sea Joy Sage, I have to say this is a wild, wild story. You're perfect! Thank you! Is it Sea Joy S-E-A? It is S-E-A.

S-E-A Joy, oh wow. Surprised you didn't catch that, Jane. Amazing. I didn't catch that. Some fish get away from you. That's right. Are there ever more in the ocean? Really slippery and that's the salves.

Mm. Well guys, we are running out of time. We only have time, unfortunately, for one final feature. That is, of course, a little something called Plugs. Oh, what do you do now the show's nearly done? And what do you do, my Scotty, the young one? Will you go in a bench that the ink claimed by a hag? Will you go and open up the plug bag?

Will you talk on and on about your broken foot affliction? Will you try and deny your anti addiction? Cause it's a plug, it's a plug, it's a plug, it's a plug band. The song is done, goodbye. That's very akin to That Is All. Is that Bob Dylan? I don't know. That was Bob Dylan.

Thank you so much to Bob Dylan for sending us- Wow, that's amazing. That's good. Yeah. No, I actually, I believe Bob Dylan is working under a, what's the word for him? Pseudonym. Pseudonym, yeah. Owen Walsh sent that in. That is a hard plugs a gun a bag by Owen Walsh.

Thank you so much guys. And when I say guys, I mean Owen. And what do we have here to plug? John, what? Well, you already mentioned my books, Vacation Laying and Medallion Status, Judge John Hoffman, available at maximumfond.org. Every Wednesday, Dicktown on Hulu. But I was just reminded by that,

I'm also in this movie called A Complete Unknown. Oh! Yeah. I saw that, and you're in that? Yeah, it's a short scene. It's a whole scene? I play the... How did I forget that you're in this?

I play the ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy, the loathsome coastal elite. And at some point, Bob Dylan, Timothée Chalamet, playing Bob Dylan snatches me out of Edgar Bergen's lap. Oh, right. Yes. And brings me out of the alley and kicks me until I'm- Because he thinks that you're real. And you are real.

I'm a loathsome coastal elite. I represent the old garden authority and stuff. All right, wonderful. Well, check it out on the cutscenes. Check that out in theaters. And then Kitty C. Joy Sage, what are we plugging here? So I've heard that you can see things. How do I do blocks? Well, what are you interested in? So I've heard that you can see things.

How do I do blocks? Well, what are you interested in? Is there an artist that a creator or a TV show or a movie? Oh yeah, I love the show, Matlock on CBS with Kathy Bates. Yeah, she's undercover. Kathy Bates is the star of Titanic if I remember correctly. Yeah, on Sunken Bill Molly Brown. She's unsinkable Bates is the star of Titanic, if I remember correctly. Yeah, Unsinkable Molly Brown. She's Unsinkable, that's for sure. She's amazing.

And then I heard that there's a show coming out this summer that you can start getting excited about now. Oh, okay. Are you worried people will get really excited and then just be excited for months and months and months? Well, I guess you're going gonna have to keep talking about it amongst yourselves until sometime this summer. It's never too early to promote something.

Yeah. Thank you. I can't wait for number 10. Yeah. So what, I mean, we should say what the title is. Twisted Metal. Twisted Metal. Twisted Metal.

Yeah. Twisted Metal. Now is that an avatar? Do we know? I mean, metal, fire. Yeah, there's metal, the ships. Water. Things are twisting around like relationships and plots.

Yeah. And then- The best way to twist metal is make it water. Ooh. Heat it up, make it liquid almost. Yeah, I'm sorry. Alchemize something. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something.

Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something.

Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's something. Yeah, I'd say it's plug? Well, obviously this December 19th, Avatar Fire and Ash. Yeah, you can't miss it. And then on December 21st, now I know that sounds like just a few days. Is this 2026? No, 2025. Okay. On December 19th, Fire and Ash is coming out.

Okay, and then two days later? Well, no, it seems like it might be because 19th to December 21st, but 2029 Avatar 4 will be coming out. And then back on December 19th, but two years after that, December 19th, 2031, Avatar 5 will be out. Right. And those are the only five that have release dates at this point, but the rest of them will be coming out. No, they all have release dates. I didn't think you wanted me to regale. Okay. So on December 21st, 2032, Avatar 6 will be coming out. On December 19th, 20- Is it always 21st or 19th?

No, no. Is it always December? I'll have you know that The Way of Water came out on the 16th and the original Avatar came out on the 18th and the original avatar came out on the 18th we like December it's on December 22nd of 2034 Avatar 8 is coming out. Are you still gonna be alive at this point? Yes

Oh, and then a year after that on December 19th, December That's when avatar 7 is coming out. We're gonna release 8 first before we release 7. Before 7. Okay. I wanna remind you that you asked for this, Scott. The plug was over and you challenged him. I was gonna plug three and they were like, is that all you have? Okay.

We got more. James, I will remind you, you had to go at a certain point. I have something I'd like to plug. Yes. No, you have to stay here. You're the one talking so much. I'm not saying anything. All right, Jake, what did you wanna? Well, I love movies, of course. I'm a big

movie star. Sure. And I want to support the culture. Just a big movie star? I mean, you said a big movie star. The world's biggest movie star in history. There's a movie podcast I love and more than the show itself, I love its fan base online. I love getting in there on the Reddit and engaging with them. You must be talking about Scott Hasn't Seen because they have a great fan base. Blank check, actually. The blank is notoriously not.n't Seen, because they have a great fan base. Blank check, actually. The blankies. Notoriously not.

Oh, no. That's not the research that I have. Are these dueling podcasts? I don't think so. I feel like there's been crossover. I don't think they were envisioned as dueling podcasts, but then they became them. It feels like the people who host them are friends with each other and yet the fans of each dislike.

And the other fans. Correct. And the other hosts. And the other hosts, yes. I just want peace. In 2023, there was an eternal truce settled between all white guys with movie podcasts. Absolutely. I also, you know, the Avatar movies get the biggest releases in the world.

Giant blockbusters everyone knows about. I want to shout out a movie that seems to be on the absolute opposite end of the spectrum. There's a movie I saw called Turn Me On that ostensibly went straight to VOD. And it's, from what I've heard, the actors in it only found out it had been released two days after it had been released and are now sort of trying to do catch up on marketing. But it's like a dystopian sci-fi satire. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, it sounds- Belle Pauly, Nick Robinson. Okay. Darcy Carden. Okay. Patty Harrison. Great cast.. Darcy Carden. Okay, great cast. Patty Harrison. Ooh, great cast. Some fuck named Griffin Newman.

Okay, and this is on VOD. It's wherever people watch stuff. What's it called again? Turn Me On. I can't wait to watch it. And it's got Griffin Newman in it? It does, yeah. I turn it off, blow.

God, I'll also plug the Tiny Dinos podcast. Oh yeah, the Tiny Dinos podcast. Oh yeah, sure, yeah. This is great. Wait, can I do one more movie quote? Of course, yeah. Okay. Oh, Hyun, this is great. That's it. Wait, can I do one more movie quote? Of course? Yeah, okay Oh, John, you're so huge. Oh John you're so oh John you're so huge

You're gonna like this James. Is that from Avatar? No But he's gonna like it Is it wet wait? Maybe you won't like it. It's from a movie called Breaking Away. I thought it was breaking. With Paul Dooley? I think so.

The bicycling movie? Oh no, Breaking Waves. Breaking Waves. Breaking Waves? I like it, I like it. That's why you like it. Oh, I have a movie quote. Here's my last thing.

We're still in plugs, by the way. I know, but this is a backdoor plug. This is the movie quote. See if you can name the movie. That's not how you say that's not a knife. This is how you say this is a knife. Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles. Very, very close. Crocodile Dundee. It's actually the title of my new book that I just had an idea for. Wow. A breakthrough. That's not how you say that's not a knife. This is how you say this is a knife. A breakthrough. A memoir of a man learning Australian accent.

James is getting carpooled. It's like he wants to stay here for hours. I don't have anything to plug. That is all. That is all. We gotta close up the old plug bag. That is all. Here we go. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Open it up and make your dream come true And open it up and let yourself be true You gotta open up and see all the flaws Because it's not time to close it up just yet Open the blind bag with me, dude Open the blind bag with me, dude Please don't close it and be rude

Please don't close it and be rude. Please don't close it and be rude. All right, that was quite good. Let's open this bag by Barnacle Joe. Thanks Barnacle Joe. If you want to upload a plug theme, go over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and you can do it. Also, while you're at CBB World, get the Randy and Chris action figures. I didn't get a chance to put that in plugs, but guys, we're out of time. I want to thank you so

much. John Hodgman, wonderful to have you. Thank you. So nice to see you. And James- Kitty. Kitty. Unfortunately, I erased your name here on my- C Joy Sage. C Joy Sage. S E E.

So wonderful to meet you. Good luck. And I'd love to meet Plinko at some time. I'll bring him by. Bring him by. I would Good luck. And I'd love to meet Plinko at some time. I'll bring him by. Bring him by. I would love that. And then James Cameron and Jake Sully. Always glad. We'll always come back.

We love the show. Sivako. That's so what. And guys, to be honest, I'm a huge fan. Here we go. We know. King of the world. King of the world.

Love the Avatar movies. Yeah, you do. You know what I mean? I get it. I'm one of the guys who gets it. I get when you joke. I love that. I love that you get it. I love that I get it. Notoriously good sense of humor on this guy.

Alright, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. That is all.