Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jon Gabrus, Dave Theune, Ben Rodgers

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Intern Gino Lombardo joins Scott to talk about screen testing for a Marvel movie, George Santos, and commercials. Then, attorney Robby Delmuda returns to talk about his permanent old man voice. Plus, Ernest Taylor stops by to talk about his wet nurse services.

Under Spock's socks it's Killer Croc Smocks. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Peter Zim for that catchphrase submission. Not sure it's going to stick. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. My name is Scott Ackerman. Amazing show. Coming up a little later we have an attorney. And that seems to be it. Seems to be a one-on-one show with an attorney today. Okay. Well, maybe I shouldn't have said amazing show. I mean passable certainly. Gosh, should we get to this attorney? I don't know. All right. It all sounds good to me. This sounds good, Gino? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I didn't know if you wanted to go because I know you wanted

to set like a full two hours to talk to your attorney. I didn't realize it was for the podcast. It's not even my attorney. It's not your, it's an attorney. No, it's an attorney. Okay. Well, the levels sound good. I got to say Gino, usually I hate it when you interrupt. I am so thankful for you right now. No, I picked up on a violin. It's a whole bunch. Are you, are you right? Because we're ready to rock. That sounded good. I just record. You just hit record. Yeah. Let's jam. Thank God I have a secondary recording going this entire time. You have a second one going? Yeah. You're going to need that for editing purposes. I don't know if you know this, but you have a dummy board in front of you. Oh, this is

like the same thing my cousins used to do. Give me an unplug Sega Genesis controller and say, don't worry, you're the altered beast. And I was never the altered beast. I was just fucking chomp. You don't know what that is? No, I don't know what that is. Maybe video games you were familiar with when you were a kid, you know, the one where it's like a hoop and you have a ball. Yeah. You try to loop it into that. When you talk about Genesis, that was more my era. You can't dance. Adam and Eve. The only thing about you is the way you talk on the mic. I see. Um, Sega, I know what Sega is. Sega. They were the creators, I believe, of Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh, I love that fucking movie. I love Adam Pally, James

Marsden. Adam Pally. Very well known from that movie, apparently. Yeah, that's what he says. I couldn't remember he was in me. I haven't seen it, but I'm trying to remember my Paramount Plus login, but it's been a long journey. What do you think it is? Do you have separate logins for every single streaming app? Yeah, because, you know, I got hacked one time and someone saw my algorithm on Netflix and it was humiliating. They posted your algorithm meaning what was, they doxxed me. These fucking crazy lunatics doxxed me. Who was this? Who would do such a thing to you? It was this guy I used to do drag with in, uh, Wanto. His name was George Santos. Oh, no. I mean, do you know what's going on with George Santos

these days? I'll tell you what's going on. Guy owes me $40 from the fucking pool. From being inside the swimming pool. No, we did a 50 yard freestyle race that I won and we had $50 on the bed. $50 for every yard. Got it. Oh, wow. Okay. I beat him by 50 yards. I don't think he knew we were supposed to get $1 for every yard, but he owes you 40. So did he pay you 10? I beat, he made it 10 yards across. Oh, got it. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Why? What's going on with this guy? Oh, let me guess. Is he working with Julie Tamar on the turn off the dark again? This motherfucker's got so much cool shit going on. Strangely enough, when I did my YouTube episode about turn off the dark,

his name never came up. That is strange because he told me he was practically the hobgoblin. Yeah. From what I understand, he was hung above the audience for like three hours in a Spider-Man suit. He gets off on that shit. You got to be careful because he used to do that shit at Frankie G's on sunrise. What's the G stand for? You know, I never asked. My aunt was a bartender there. Oh, really? Yeah. I saw her do something fucking sketchy there one time. She tugged off some sailor who was like 19 years old. What sketch you got that? Sorry. I guess I don't know. It's just the fact that I saw it. The tugging. She was married to my uncle at the time. Okay. My uncle wasn't the 19 year old sailor. And

you know what? He might not have been 19. Was he ever a 19 year old sailor? My uncle? Not this uncle. Uncle Mike, never a sailor. Uncle Pat was a sailor. Papa Jim, sailor. Sailor. Okay. So let's play sailor, not sailor. Okay. Okay. With just people, people in general. All right. You got it. All right. Tom Cruise. Sailor. He's on the fucking seawalk. That's true. He's captain of the seawalk. If there's anyone, if there's anyone that's captain of the seawalk, the guy's got cruise in his fucking name. That's the thing. And speed two cruise control was all about being on a boat. And it was originally like a Manchurian candidate about getting Tom Cruise to give us back Shelly Miscavige's corpse. That's the rumor. How

obvious we have. We have no opinion on that on this program. No, I don't at all. No, no. These are rumors. Hollywood rumors. I'm trying to get SAG health insurance. So I'm not trying to do anything wrong. Of course. Yeah. You're trying to get SAG. But what do you mean? Because I have these like, I have like, I guess, saggy, saggy tits. Yeah. I have these, what's called gyno-mastia. The bodybuild, the guys at Gold Gym on New Bridge Road keep calling it bitch tits. But it's, I think it's because I've been, I would go in fucking ham on the soy milk. Oh, really? I'm going hard in the paint on the soy. Why? Why so much? Because Derry was giving me diarrhea for a while. And I was trying to do a gallon of milk a day. Go mad, baby. You know,

try to put on the fucking bulk up a little bit. Because I got, you know, I'm out here in LA for a Marvel screen test. Oh, okay. So I have no idea what's going on. For those of you who don't know, Gino is our, I want to say X intern because you're hardly ever here. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's my graduate. What's that? Yeah. It is your fault. It is definitely my fault. Yeah. You have turned down. I'm able to just walk in and just do it. The last four. Well, I'm in the middle of finishing up over at Nassau Community College with an associate's degree in the radio sciences. Okay. Okay. So what are you, what's going on with you? I have like, oh, what's going on with me? Marvel movie? Yeah. I screen tested for, I put myself

on tape because my cousin's brother, who's also my cousin, is like a low level Hollywood agents boyfriend. Okay. I'm following this. Yeah. So then he was able to get access to like a database of auditions. I put myself on tape for some, I can't remember, but it's like Dr. Giggletits or something like that. And don't you're strange? That's the one. Yeah. I'm putting myself on tape for Dr. Strange. Apparently he goes like in the, after he gets out of the mouth of madness or whatever the multiverse, he goes into the mouth, out of the mouth, comes out of the ass of madness. And that's where he meets me, Dr. Strange from that. It's hard to explain. So all I've always been wanting to put on 75 pounds of muscle and have my forehead and jaw look as

fucked up as possible by the time we start recording. Okay. I don't know that you're going to be able to do this. I mean, you're 95 pounds, if that. I'm up to 96 because I've been on, I'm going fucking crazy on the soy. Because I was doing the go mad, you know, gallon of dairy milk a day and that shit was just coming at me like a big brown sneeze. Yeah. What's the whole point of like putting stuff into your body to bulk up if it just goes right out? That's what I say, but I guess somehow internally your muscles catch some of the nutrients and they're like, here's the nutrient here. There's the microfibers with compound movements of resistance training. And then you drink the milk and the milk brings protein, which rebuilds the microfibers. I see.

Wow. You know a lot about that. You've really gotten into bodybuilding. Yeah. I bought this book with like a guy in a speedo on the cover that I thought was going to be like a porno reg and I can fucking tug off on the LIRR, you know, in between the American Belmore stops. Well, if you know all the stops, you know that it goes back to center, Baldwin, Freeport, Merrick, Belmore, Wonto, Seaford, Mesa, Piqua, Mesa, Piqua Park, Amityville, Copa, Glinton, Hurst and Babylon. Oh man, Babylon. That reminds me. Have you ever tasted elephant shit? You're talking about the movie Babylon. I think the opening scene, I believe. Oh, okay. Yeah. I haven't seen Babylon yet. Is that the one with Harley Quinn?

Yeah. Harley Quinn. It's a spin off of Batman. Oh, I got to see. I got to catch up on all the Batman's before I get in there. Oh, you haven't seen any of the Batman? I've seen a few Batman in my day. I saw what's it called The Natural. I saw... Okay. These are baseball movies that you're talking about. Okay. A League of their Own. I saw that's The Bat Women. Oh, Bat Girls. Yeah. I saw that. It was gayer than I thought it was going to be. Right. Yeah. Kind of hot. That tall one, kissing the short one. You haven't watched it? I'll take your word for it. You got to watch it. It's the chick who was a robot and something else and she's kissing a little girl who used to live in an apartment in Brooklyn or something with another girl.

It's fucking sick. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You realize that people play different parts in movies. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Come on. Don't act like I'm a fucking nub off the street. All right. I know a couple of things or two. Right. Yeah. So did you get picked to do the Marvel movie? What actually happened? I don't know. I'm supposed to go tomorrow to Kevin. I don't want to say his name on Mike. I don't want to get canned. Feige. Oh, is that how you say it? Yeah. You say Feige. Oh, fuck. Thank God. I've only read it. Thank God you said something. I was going to embarrass myself tomorrow. No, you don't want to do it. Yeah. Just if you're in that position, just don't say anything. I was going to say Kevin and then, but I felt like that would be disrespectful. So I was right.

Were you going to slap your cheeks when you said Kevin? Yeah. Well, I was going to be coming in fresh. I guess pepper in our hair didn't slap her own cheeks when she said Kevin on in a home alone. She was clapping them cheeks while she said Kevin's a good point. I guess I'm inferring that she was fucked by her son. She is so sexy in that movie. She's so sexy in every fucking movie. Beetlejuice, dude. Oh, dude. Oh, that's once. Yeah. No, we don't say it two more times. Yeah, we don't. Yeah, I would never. I mean, it's crazy. That movie was so popular. No one has said it two more times. Thank fucking God. I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to be so funny though. Beetlejuice into the territories. Yeah, but he's so funny. We love him. He's hysterical, man. But

he causes so much damage. I didn't know he was also a singer. Apparently, he's on Broadway and touring stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty fucking radical. It's pretty great. Yeah. So I'm supposed to go to Kevin F. Words office tomorrow. Well, that's exciting. I'm very excited. I'm a little nervous because, you know, I'm not a professional actor. You should be. Yeah, you're terrible at it. Oh, I'm awful actor. So a lot of people are saying. Yeah. Yeah. No. And I haven't even done any acting, but a lot of people are just getting out ahead of it and saying this. Do you have any of your sides here with on you or anything? Like I got my back, as you know. Oh, of course. That's the back side that works. No, but I sides, I guess, are an actor's term for

the lines that you'll have to read. Oh, okay. Yeah. I think I got, yeah, I got like a script. Yeah. It's bad. Do you want to go over it at all? Sure. I would love it. Okay. Do you think it would be fucked up to like take a punch pass at it? Because it is boring as fuck. We can punch it up. Yeah. I'm playing Dr. Strings from Primeverse D or something. And I just keep going. Awkward. This is awkward. It was pretty good. Is that really punch up a bull? I don't know. It says in parentheses, this is considered comedy, like on the script. Strings that they would editorialize about comedy. It feels like maybe someone else was like, I don't know if I'm supposed to play this straight or not. And people are like, no, trust me, these Marvel movies are fucking hysterical.

Well, let's go through it if you want to practice it. Yeah, sure. Here's your half the size. Okay, here we go. I mean, the same copy. I'm off. You tore it in half. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. But most of my lines are on the bottom half. So I'll be good. Okay. Yeah. You tore it lengthwise. Okay, well, I fucked up. All right, hindsight's 2020. Let's put them together. We'll put them together. Yeah, you need them. I'm off book. Ready? All right. Dr. Who me? Yes, you're the only Dr. Strings it's here. Oh, thank God, you're here. Let me get my stethoscope. Awkward. Dr. Strange, we don't have time for your shenanigans. Awkward. I know you we heard you the first time Dr. Strange. Oh, my God, this is such bad news. It looks like we need this is a job for the Eternals.

This is a job for the Eternals. Okay. And some, some power broad Marvel brought Oh, fuck. I forgot what the line is. Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel. Sorry. Women can be captains now too. That's what they said. The captain's a woman. Hashtag me too. I'm the captain now. Women are the captains now. Yeah. Oh man, that would be so good if him Captain Marvel. She just like was like, I'm the captain now. And then the guy from Captain Phillips came in and said, uh-uh. I mean, I feel awful that I don't know his name. He said to me, he's just the guy from Captain Phillips. And I guess the guy from cast away. I mean, has he ever been in another movie? The guy from Captain Phillips? Yeah, he was in cast away. He was in Turner and Hooch. Toy Story.

He was in Toy Story. Yeah, I can't remember the fucking guys, Dan. But he loves typewriters. Oh, cool. Dr. Strange, use the eye of Agamotto in this situation. I can't fucking find the eye of Agamottos because my office is such a mess because, you know, doctors have banned handwriting and banned handwriting. Handwriting. We write the same way as the guy from The Killers. Hey, can I, can I, can I give you some notes here before we get too far into it? Give it my lifelong mentor. Is there any way to Long Island it down? Interesting. You know what I mean? Like, have you ever, Dr. Strange, he's got a very New York accent. He's from New York. He's from New York, so you want me to Long Island it down and bring the New York up? Yeah, well, it's very specific. It sounds like

Manti Patinkin, maybe, or to be honest, it sounds like a British guy trying to do New York. Okay, I think I can do that. Give me again with the eye of Agamotto line. Dr, you have to use the eye of Agamotto in this situation. You would like me to use the eye of Agamotto? It's not bad. I mean, it's better than what you were doing. Thank you. It's pretty good. Thank you. Can you say anything, but thank you. Awkward. Good. Yes. Go in with that. This is way better. I just don't think you're going to be cast if you're doing. Eye of Agamotto is right here. This is not bad. I think, I think that this is, you know, it might give you a shot. I'd love to see you in the Marvel universe. I too would like to help with phase five. I mean, you should talk like this all the time, Gino. I wish

I could. It's so difficult for me. I've been only, I know you're out of breath. I'm completely gassed. Yeah, I know. Your face is red. My fucking inhaler is not working right now. I feel like fucking Mikey from the movie. What's going on with your inhaler? It's fucking all jammed up, I guess. I tried to smoke a bowl out of it with some fucking drifters down. Some drifters. How do you find drifters these days? What? I don't know. They were singing under the boardwalk. Moving from place to place. There is a group of guys. I guess they were drifters. I guess it was a cover band tech. They started a trash fire and someone will come by. Down by the dock. Speaking of trash fire, don't you have some more guests to get to?

Oh yeah. No, we have that attorney. Ooh, can't wait. I hope he has a commercial. I think he might actually. I love, I fucking love commercials. I love talking about commercials all the time. You're one of those people who loves commercials. I fucking, the funniest thing in the world is Geico. Yeah. I think Geico is the funniest fucking company. What do you like about it? The Gecko himself? I like the Gecko, but I like when they blow it out a little bit and the money's got eyeballs or whatever and people are turning into their parents and shit. I love. I don't know what this is. This is commercials. You probably don't watch commercials. No, I watch the camera. Actually, lately I've been watching commercials and I realized I have no

idea what their commercials for. I just remember the actual commercials. Interesting. So they're really backfiring in their mission. Yeah. I mean, like that guy, you know, that guy from 30 Rock who's always like. Mayhem. Hanging on a camera or on a car. That guy who fucking killed out of BC in Oz. Yeah, exactly. Oh, remember out of BC. Didn't he quit Lost? I miss his little hat. I miss his little hat. I miss everything about him. Mr. Echo, right? I know. I know. And he quit in the middle. And then Smart did out there before the ending comes out. But sure. But then he did nothing. But anyway, what's that for? He's always like hanging around. What's it for? Yeah. And he's always like, Hey, you don't be me or something. I don't know what

he's doing. Yeah. I think he's selling. It's all insurance. Apparently insurance has got fucking marketing. They must make so much money to have that many commercials on. Because then they got that chick with the flow. Whatever name is. Is it the same? Is it the same company? No, he's Mayhem. She's Flow. Geico is something else. And then there's State Farm is here or whatever. There's that J.K. Rowling or whatever his name is. The turf guy. Oh, J.K. Simmons. J.K. Yeah. Different turf. I was J.K. This is, you know, I was. J.K. Simmons slander right now. And I played a timpani in whiplash. You played a timpani? Well, you are so thin. I was. Yeah. And that's one of the thinner drums.

I don't know. They just had me over there. I just had Nate Lang banging my fucking head with a little drumstick. It's weird. They wouldn't just get an actual drum. Well, apparently drums are union and like, you know, like, yeah. They'd have to hire an actual musician. Yeah. So with me, they could just fucking tee off on my head and I can, you know, they could fix it in post. That's a good credit though. You should bring that up to Kevin Feige. I was going to, but I will. I was going to, but I will. You were going to, but you will. Okay. I was going to and I'm will, but and thank you for the advice to do that. Yeah, you really should. Have you, what did you think of the, I don't know that I've talked to you since then, but what did you think

of Will Smith speaking of Will and the slapper around the world? Wait, what is this? Will Smith. Okay. You haven't heard about George Santos or Will Smith. I haven't heard about George Santos. The guy fucking was at Frankie G's hanging from the ceiling. It's the only way you can get off. Uh, no, Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on, uh, on stage. Yeah, you haven't heard. It's been a full calendar year since then. This is fucked up. Chris Rock got slapped. Chris Rock. Yeah, himself. Jesus. Slappy. He's decided to call himself. Is that what he called him by? Slappy? Changing his stage name. It's kind of fucking cute. The slappy. Oh, these slappy. I like that. I like, yeah. Well, you know, that's interesting because is it? Well, it's really interesting.

So it happened over a year ago. Over a year ago. Will got slapped, but he's Ali, right? He is Ali. Yeah. So he could, he could have fucking really done some. Yeah. So I think he was showing restraint. I have to bitch move to just slap him then. I know. I think he, I think he knew he would kill him if he gave him like a punch. So he's like, you know what? He just like slaps him across the face a little bit. Interesting. Interesting. So when did this happen? This happened at the Oscars. Whoa. Yeah. Holy shit. On camera, not just off camera. This is all news to me. I got to go back and do some research. Can I come on in a year and give my opinion about the Will Smith slap? It's going to take you a year to formulate the, well, I mean, you brought it

up a year later. Let give me a year and fucking think about some ideas. We have a deal. We have a deal. Now, mark your fucking calendars. What date is this? One year. This is April, probably. Oh, sorry. His nose is bleeding. 16. Something like that. Somewhere. Tax day after. Tax day, maybe I've already done it. No, tax day this year is later. Oh, thank God. The government really gives a shit about us. Yeah. It's the 18th this year. That feels good. Do you do your own taxes? Yeah. Well, it's complicated because the credit system, you know, I don't have a lot of money. I mostly credits. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You and not like credits like I'm a cool sci-fi guy, credits like fucking college credits. We pay you in college credit to do this show. Yes.

And I'm fucking and I'm appreciative because I have 11 different associates degrees at this point, all in subgenres of sub concentrations under the radio science major. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to get your degree at some point. I've got fucking 21 credits and sound boards and I am going through the roof. I should have brought one in next time. I come on one year from now. I'll come on. I'll bring my sound board too. Okay. And you won't come back before then, right? I hope I got some other stuff going on. Well, hopefully you'll be in that Marvel movie. Oh, then I can come back on and plug it. Yeah, that would be amazing. Open up the plug bag, baby. Oh, that would be amazing. Gino, I want nothing more for you than for you to be a success because

well, me too. And same for you. I want you to really make it. I'm doing all right. You are. Yeah. Oh, interesting. You're like energy says otherwise. I know. And I've moved everything into my own house. It's become less professional. I dig that. You know me. I'm barely a professional. Yeah. I fuck. I'm no bandera. I'm no Stallone. I'm just myself. Were they the assassins? Yes. Who was the professional? Also Stallone. Oh, okay. That's the bomb one. Right. Yeah. He blows a fucking wall off. Wait, he's a professional at making bombs in the professional. He's technically a professional at everything. He's a professional boxer in one movie. He's a professional soldier in another movie. Yeah. Yeah. He's a soldier of fortune, really. Yeah. Scott. He never plays

an amateur in any of his movies. No. Maybe in the first boxing movie. He always gets paid to do whatever he purports to do in all of his movies. Well, yeah, maybe I would say in first blood, I don't think he's getting a paycheck for slapping Brian Dennehy around or eating things. That's a dream. Billy Goat puke. Oh, man. If only. You know, to get paid to slap Brian Dennehy, that's like, first of all, to slap him. Love it. But then someone heads you a paycheck for it. Yeah. They're like, did you just slap Dennehy? That's covered by Seth. Yeah. We owe you $150. Here you go. God. Oh, man. I could have been on Tommy Boy set just teeing off on that don't do freak. We're gonna fucking blast. Oh, man. That would be so fun. Oh, man. I love that guy.

He's a solid fucking actor. Yeah. I don't believe he's with us anymore. Oh, no. He's no longer out of your wolf. I don't think he was ever in your world. I thought for sure. At some point, he was just doing a podcast about his previous movies to get a second round of paychecks. Dennehy recap podcast. Look, someone's got to do a Dennehy recap podcast. It might as well have been him. Hey, I hear CBB world's looking for stuff. Gino Lombardo could do a Dennehy recap podcast. Hey, I would love it. Come on over. What's going on with your old show? Yeah. That's what I'm trying to figure out. So I put it all, I burned it all onto cassettes. You're talking about the three seasons of the Gino Lombardo show that I originally did for Stitch of Premium.

Well, I've burned them all on the cassettes. Why? Because I need to get them back. I needed the masters. Those aren't the masters. What? Oh, my God. It cost a fucking fortune. You understand how much I had to pay this transformer that puts them in his chest and then I screamed the entire episode to him. Who's literally a transformer? Like, yeah, the robot more than meets the eye. Is it Allspark? No, they have the Allspark with Wiki. Who was that one they made the movie about? It was Bumblebee. Does he? Oh, that guy's fucking hysterical. Yeah. It was he the one? For me, it's a car. It's about the radio. He turns into a radio? No, he communicates via the radio. Oh, via the radio. What does he turn into? He's a robot. He's a bumblebee. He turns into a bug,

a Volkswagen bug. I think he's actually in this one. They upgraded him to something sick. Oh, okay. He's like a Mustang or something. That's the thing. Why do they turn into the cars? I don't know. It feels like it might be, you know, like I get their giant robots from outer space and they're like, they want to battle each other. Why do they turn into the cars? Well, then I got a movie for you. What's that? Beast Wars. Coming soon to a theater near you. They turn into fucking animals, dude. We got robots turning into animals. Yeah. These robot animals, though. Oh yeah. Why don't they just stay being robots? Being a robot is like, okay, you're giant. You're but then you can run faster as a gorilla run faster than a giant robot. Look,

you know, I'm by the way, gorillas can run fast because they're on four things. Why don't humans then go on to four things? Because we don't have our hands are built different than gorilla hands. Have you ever seen gorilla hands? Their knuckles are fucking swollen because they can run on that. Oh, I see. So it's okay. But then everyone's talking about evolution, evolution. Oh yeah, sure. I believe in evolution. Gorillas can run faster than us. You heard it here, folks. Scott's going to post a video to his Instagram of him running on all fours and running on his legs and to show you how much faster he could be. It's a promise. No, I'm saying I don't believe in evolution. Oh, that finally the truth comes out. Hell yeah, bro. Hell yeah. I fucking my ancestors were riding

dinosaurs to Ellis Island. Exactly. The world, I mean, the world is only 3000 years old. And that's facts. That's fucking mad alt facts machine. Well, Gino, this is, uh, uh, yeah, we should get to report. We have an attorney coming. You haven't been required. Well, I mean, you, you sound speech, you do have a dummy board. I can't trust you with the board anymore. We lost too many episodes. You know, we, we just bought a book to learn how to use it. We just dummy boards for dummies. We just hit 800 episodes. We would be on 1600. You forgot to tape so many of them. Oh my God, I feel so bad. I forgot the one with, uh, Barack Obama. I forgot the other one you did with, uh, the chick that was almost president. She was the state secretary or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

we did so many important episodes. We did Gallagher. Oh yeah, you did Gallagher. We did Gallagher too. Not his brother, but the sequel to the Gallagher episode. Exactly. Yeah. When he came back, he didn't walk out of mine. He stayed for five hours. Yeah. It's actually more of a condemnation to you. Well, I was really sucking up to him. I was like, you're so great. I love it. I love hammers. I like, I can't believe you brought a hammer. Yeah. I hate watermelon. So I appreciate what you do. He is a hero. If you hate water, if you have watermelon phobia, whatever that is, you must love Gallagher. That's a hyper specific superhero. If you have a severe watermelon phobia, you need Gallagher to come to the best. You need him to come. Or is smashing a watermelon kind

of too much watermelon? Well, that's the thing. Like you'd be in the splash zone. So you would, you'd be conflicted because you'd want to go to a Gallagher show to see those watermelons have it. But then there's so much coming out into the audience, you'd be like, I can't take this. I have a phobia about these. This is like Naked Boy Singing on Off Off Broadway. Yeah. What? My friend's mom took me to Naked Boy Singing and I didn't know what it was going to be. And it's all there in the title. Not great singers, not great hogs, but they average out to a medium show. Right. So when you put them together, it all averages. Yeah. Who needs good hogs if you got medium singing? You know, like,

it's either great hogs and bad singing, great voices, tiny packers. That's a good show idea. Great hogs, bad singing. Oh, I tell you, I tell you, I got a few friends that would be perfect for that. Well, Gina, look, I really wish you the best. Can you stick around because we have an exciting show. We have an attorney here. Oh, yeah. I got to make sure the levels are right. You were going, you were like really pissed off that last time because we, I almost blew it with the attorney episode. Yeah, exactly. So I want you, I want the levels to be perfect. Because he's able to sue you and I know that's a big fear of yours. I know. I don't want to ever be sued. No. I want to go through life. Ever since a little kid, you were never,

you were so worried about being sued. Oh my God. I would go to sleep and I'd be like, oh, daddy, am I going to wake up and be sued? All right. Well, we need to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have an attorney here. This is an incredible show. Gina Lombardo is with us. Straight fire. That's right. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Roll commercials. Comedy bang bang. We're back. Cut commercials and roll sound and sound speeds. And whenever you're ready, Scott. And I was ready 20 seconds ago. Three, two, one. Okay. Hey, comedy bang bang. We're back. And you see how I was quiet for the three, two, one. Yeah. And then you were not quiet immediately afterwards. Copy that. Yeah. Five, four. You don't need to do

the five, four, three. We're already rolling. Yes. And by the way, yeah, you're mouthing it so loudly. You're doing all the consonants. Oh, sorry. This is ASMR. Oh, excuse me. Mr. fucking acronyms over here. What does that stand for? Audio sensory masturbation relaxation. I guess so. Yeah, you're right. We talk about it. ASMR ASMR. We never talk about it. It's like schoolbook. We never fucking really get. Oh, you mean self-contained underwater breathing ever at us? Oh, fuck, dude. I just thought it was something capitalized like math and like snafu snafu situation now all fucked up. I know a lot of these. This is how I learned to read. Well, from doing acronyms. Yeah, that's that. What's your favorite one? Laser. Yeah. That was the first one I learned

the night. I got it. Koi blood. Let's look up what laser stands for. Oh, light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. That was going to be my guess. I'm so mad. Thank God they condensed that. If we had to say that all the time when like you go see Star Wars and you're like, imagine George Lucas on set trying to articulate. Okay. So you have these guns and they have light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. And he keeps saying it. And you're like, George, shut the fuck up. We got it. We got it. George, shut the fuck up. You fucking idiot. Come on. This movie is never going to be popular. And you keep saying light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. This movie is going to never be popular and you're

only going to get to do three of them. It's fucking sad. Yeah, it's really sad to only do three movies, especially with an IP that strong. Man, Boma. All right, we need to take a break. No, I mean, we just came back. Thank God I could use a break. I was happy for a break. Let's get to this attorney. We can only put it off for so long. Yeah, I think this guy in the suit standing here waiting to talk might be the guy you're thinking of. Yeah, he's been on the show a couple of times. Please welcome back Robbie Del Muda. Scott, it's good to be back. Hey, Robbie, how are you? I'm doing great, Scott. How old are you now? 11. You're 11. Were you 11 the last time that we talked? Yes, I was. When's your birthday? It's

coming up. Coming up. Okay, good. Later this year. Later this year. Oh, of course. Yes. Yeah, Scott. Yeah, what's going on? Robbie, it's so good to see you again. For those of you who haven't heard Robbie's previous appearances, you are an 11-year-old boy. You are an attorney at law. Yes. You are being sued and that's why you had to become an attorney. Is that right? That is correct. I've had to represent myself and Scott, I gotta tell you, I'm back in court. No, Robbie. It's not the main reason I'm here, but I am back in court right now and it's a struggle. Let me tell you what. What were you being sued for? Do you know, I don't think he's ever met you and it hasn't hurt any of the episodes he's not involved in. So what exactly are you?

I can't. This kid's voice is amazing. Yeah. I mean, it's deep for a kid. Yes. When did you go through puberty again? Scott, that's part of the problem. Oh, no. That's part of the problem. It's part of the problem. Why I'm here. Scott, listen, I know last time I was here, we talked and I was using her voice in order to sound more mature in court. But about a week ago, I was in my bed and I said to myself, I wish I was older for real. Whenever I'm in court, I don't get the respect I think I deserve. Right. I thought, I just wish I was older. I wish I was older. And then I went to an amusement park. All right. Wait, this is in the middle of the night because you're lying in bed. Yeah. I got up. I said, I gotta get out of here. I gotta clear my head. I grabbed the Coca-Cola.

I grabbed the Snickers bar. Is this your main to the story? Yeah. It's all part of it. Scott. Okay. Okay. So that went down to the boardwalk. Okay. All right. Is it open at this point? No. Everything's shut down. Yes. The middle of the night. Yes. Okay. And Scott there was, and I saw a machine. I don't know if you've ever heard of something like this before. All right. It's a machine. It's called Zolta. I have heard about it. Have you ever heard about this? This guy, Captain Phillips. The dude from Captain Phillips, whatever the Somalian guy's name is. I forget it every time I feel bad. Anyways, right next to the Zolta, do you hear that? It's strangely enough. They were getting a lot of air traffic here. This is like filming in Burbank.

Yes. Oh my God. The city of lights. So there was stand the Zolta machine and I looked to the left and there was a man and I said, I don't need to look at this Zolta machine anymore. What's the deal with this guy? Some guy in the middle of the carnival, a closed down carnival. Yes. He was sitting there and he was having a sandwich. He was sitting there next to his Zolta machine. I'm on the bench and I said, I'm going to sit down next to him for a second. I ain't got no quarters for this Zolta machine. I'm an 11 year old boy. What am I thinking? But you had a coconut sandwich. I had a coconut sandwich. And you're let out of the house in the middle of the night. Yes. I let myself out of the house, Scott. Okay. We have a trellis

and I went down the trellis. I broke every part of that trellis on the way down. I don't know how I'm getting back up, Scott. You still have a gun home? Yeah, I got to get back home. Because this was a while ago, you said. Yes. Yes. Well, Scott, a lot's happened since then. Okay. Tell me. So this guy is there on the bench. He's there. He's having a sandwich. I got my sandwich. I said, your sandwich looks pretty good. He said, yours looks pretty good. So I said, So two sandwich guys complimenting each other's sandwiches. Yeah. There we were. It was meant to be, Scott. What was meant to be? What happened? I had a bite of his sandwich. It was pretty good. Did he offer it? He offered it. Okay. Have, Scott, I'm not rude. Okay. But just because if I were

to say, like, that sandwich looks pretty good and someone says, your sandwich looks pretty good. Yeah. And then suddenly I take a bite of their sandwich. No, no, no, no, no. Scott, I don't assume anything. All right. That makes an ass out of you and me and everyone around us. I mean, I'm not a part of this. Well, not yet. You're not, but I might need your help very soon. I don't know how I can help, but go ahead. I needed a bite. I took a bite of his sandwich, Scott. It was good. It was real good. What kind of sandwich were we talking about? Okay. Okay. I'll answer that question with a question. What, if you had to make a sandwich right now, I don't like this whole, I asked a question. I want an answer. I don't want a question, but I need to know, Scott,

because now it's on my mind. I can't get it out of my mind. What would you put on your sandwich? What would I put on it? Yeah. The main ingredient or the, if I was going to make a sandwich right now, right now, with what I have in the house or can I have anything? Yeah. No, you can't. The finest of caviar then, my dear boy. Well, Scott, this was the exact opposite of that sandwich. Let me tell you that right now. Scott, wait, can I answer the question? Yeah. I would like a classic Italian spicy. We get salami, prosciutto, gabbagool, soup of salt, burrata, some spicy medium peps, maybe some lettuce, tomato, oil, vins. Yeah. What do you think? It was closer. It was a hot dog. So I took a big bite.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hot dogs are not a sandwich. We cannot do this again. This is like year 44. Weirdly, all of the episodes you deleted were about hot dogs being a sandwich. Yeah. Well, weird. Real weird. Well, weird. The society took a bite. It was good. All right. Yeah. By the way, someone's eating a hot dog. I'm not going to go like, oh, that sandwich looks good. You're a lunatic. Well, Scott, you thought the Snickers bar wasn't your main to this story. Tell me about this. What's going on with the Zoltar? Okay. Zoltar, it's sitting there right next to us. I got no quarters. I hadn't done nothing with it. But this guy, listen, all right. He has a hot dog. You have a bite of it and you're surprised it's good. Any hot dog tastes the same.

No, no, that is untrue. Shut your fucking mouth, Scott. Gino. I'm not sorry. Sorry. I will edit that out. Okay, good. So make sure you don't look like an absolute asshole. Wait, don't add to that what I said. That's what you said. Okay. Leave in what you said. Okay. Leave in what you said. The comedy big, big story. So wait, so he has a hot dog. He has a hot dog. I took a bite. You take a bite out of his hot dog. It was great. Do you take a bite out of his hot dog like from the end on through or do you go lengthwise? Like a sailor, Scott. You go lengthwise? Right in the middle. I take a hunk out of the right in the middle. And I said, man, that's the one good sandwich. And he said, yeah, you darn right it is. You're getting mostly bun. Mostly bun. Yeah. That's my favorite

part. I'm a bread guy. Okay. By the way, Robbie, you've bulked up since you last saw you. Yeah. You're on an all carb diet. I'm all carb loaded. That's why I could relate to you, Gino, in your soy. Oh, yeah, it's bad news for me. I hope you don't have a gluten allergy because it could be a disaster and severe. Yeah, you are all puffy as well. Yeah. Bro, you broke it out in hives. I mentioned left and right, but they said, don't scratch. I keep eating the bread. And so I took a bite of his hot dog and he said, you know what, kid? I wish I was young. And I said, what? I wish I was old. Now, wishes like this don't have to go hand in hand. Like, there doesn't have to be a wish for a wish usually. Yeah. But that's what makes this story

worth telling Scott the coincidence of it all. All right. These were random wishes. He was, these were wishes that were related to one another. Okay. And so I said, I wish I could be old. And he said, I wish I could be young. He said, I could be young. And I also wish for a bite of your sandwich. Okay. So did any of these wishes come true? Well, I gave him a bite of my sandwich, but I'll tell you what happened. He bit my hand. He overbid and bit my hand. Overbid, bit your hand. Yeah. Now in his defense, I had the sandwich pretty covered with my hand. You were palming it? I was palming it. So I can sort of like you're one of the Lakers or something. Oh, my dribbling down court. Yeah. James Worthy. Sure.

Sadale three. So you know sports. I know sports. God, I love it. I have a bunch of basketball gods at my house. Yeah. I can imagine. I love them. I love them. That was part of your thing, wasn't it? Your dad owns a sports card store or something? Scott, you got a mind like a steel trap. I tell you what. So then I said, he bites your hand. He bites my hand. And I said, you know, I've had enough of this. Okay. I'm out of here. You're biting my hand in the middle of nothing. One strike. You've had enough. That's it. That's it. Fool me once. Shame on you. Then I'm out. You never get to the fool me twice. Absolutely not. Yeah. Good man. So I go home, but I don't go in the house because of the trellis situation. Right. Sleep in the Buick.

You are savvy enough to bring the keys to the Buick. Scott, you always got to carry the keys. If you got a Buick, you carry keys for the Buick. Just a pitch for your business. Buick lawyer. Oh my God. What was it? Lawyer for Buicks? Oh, I think it's you. You drive around in your Buick and like operate out of the back of it. So like court is in your Buick? Like it's a drive through court? I think lawyers don't need the court to be lawyers full time, right? Like, you don't have to be a trial lawyer. You could just be taking meetings. I'm flying by the seat of my pants with every case I have to go up for. Wait, I'm so sorry I interrupted you. You were in the middle of saying two guys made the opposite wishes. I guess you left that scene. And then

you went home and you slept in your Buick. Now that my pants are Buick, all right. I'm 11 years old, Scott. All right. I'm not claiming ownership of the Buick here. Right. But I woke up, Scott, in this voice that used to be just used and caught rooms alone was now my permanent voice. And Scott. Wait, wait, wait. Meaning the voice you're using right now? Right. Your previous two appearances you were using your courtroom voice? Yes. I was in a room full of adults and I wanted to, I wanted to fit in. Okay. Because some people have said in your previous two appearances you don't sound like a little kid at all. Right. But I am. I'm 11 years old. I'm from Cedar Grove, Wisconsin. Cedar Grove, Wisconsin. Holy cow. He's working on his marvel. Sorry. I'm just flexing

some, you know, keeping the throat warm. Yeah. I said, was that Dr. Strange in Hill? You gotta be fucking kidding me. Wow. I'm not kidding. I told you, this is, yeah. Yeah. Also, Gino, could we keep the cursing down a little bit, please? I got virgin ears. I mean, I had everything else, I hope. I technically should be about 200 yards away. Oh, really? Is there something going on? All right. But so, so wait, I'm waiting for the wish part of it. So you, you, you, you woke up. And I have adapted the old man's voice. You only changed in the voice though. That's it. No, my wiener, still small. Same. Was that your next question? Not really, but I'm glad to hear it. You gotta be mine, but I wasn't sure if I was allowed to ask a kid that. Yeah, I'm not sure.

You are. So then I got to his voice and this is where the problem starts, Scott. Okay. This is where the problem starts. This is the problem. Okay. Cause this story's been going on for a long time. Yeah. Well, it's almost been, people have been cutting in left and right on the story. I'm gonna tell you what. Yeah. I got to go through this way quicker. Oh yeah, we could had already gotten to the Zoltar machine and left. Yeah. We apologize. Hey, you brought me out here. All right. I wasn't begging to come over here. It was a long walk. Let me tell you what. So Scott, here's the problem. I got a field trip coming up. All right. And there's a gal. I've told you about it before. Deanna Bermuda. Oh yeah. Deanna Bermuda. And your name is Delmuda.

Yes. And her name is Bermuda. So if she were to marry you, it would be Deanna Bermuda Delmuda. That's correct because she wants a hyphenated name. She does want one. Absolutely, Scott. Yeah. She's a modern woman. Absolutely. In the modernist sense. Yes. Okay. But here's the thing. She doesn't want... You keep saying here's the thing and then there's a new thing. She doesn't want to be sitting next to a weirdo on a bus with an old voice. And that's where I'm freaking out, Scott, because I want to sit next to on the bus on the field trip to the museum and I don't think she's going to have any of it. Could you try to do your... I've never heard your old voice. So I don't even know what it sounds like. His old voice being the young

voice. Yeah. He's never used it. His previous voice. This is the first time learning about the voice that you used to have because you were always using this one. Oh, Scott. Yes, I know. But I had an old voice, a young voice, a supple voice. But now it's an old craigly voice and I'm feeling that I'm never going to be able to date Deanna. Well, we showed Deanna is not going to like your new grown-up voice. Yeah. His chicks are weird. That's true. That's a good point. Yes. And Deanna is not without her quirks. Let me tell you what. What are some of her quirks? She has tall eyes. What does that mean? Her eyes are tall. So instead of being horizontal, they're vertical? They're vertical. They're gorgeous. I tell you what. You know how people

describe eyes as like pools? Like beautiful pools. These are like a lake Michigan. Wow. Long, tall. Okay. Yes. But I find it beautiful. She has a tough time with the prescription and trust me, she needs a prescription. Maybe she should get like two pair of glasses on their side or something like that and wear them around her. Scott, this is part of the reason I'm here. We need answers and I'll write this down and I'll bring it back to her. But I am scared that she's not going to accept me for who I am. Are you sure you didn't just go through puberty? And it happened to be on the night where you were next to the Zoltar machine, which didn't have anything to do with the story. I mean, anything's possible, Scott,

but my body is smooth as butter. There's no hair. There's no acne. There's nothing. I mean, it's a gradual process. You don't wake up in the morning one day and just like suddenly big dick, a lot of pubes. Okay, but you wake up in the morning. A lot of zits. There's a good chance you wake up and your dick is never big is what some of my friends keep telling me. I mean, compared to the rest of your body. Oh, yeah. No, it's like fucking Gandalf and Frodo. It looks huge on me. I want to be hung like shadow facts. That's Gandalf's horse. Well, I'm sure you guys know that. What? You know all this. It's unbelievable, you know. Well, Robbie, I just think you went through puberty one night. Your voice is suddenly deep.

It's like that Brady Bunch episode time for change. Where Peter hangs on, tries to get taller? I don't remember the ins and outs, but let me ask you about it. It's the one where Alice, she gets roast beef from her. Sam the butcher. Sam the butcher delivers some roast beef. If you know what I do know what you mean. Oh, yeah. Some of that beef. We got the beef. All these things. Squares the beef. Greatest role he's ever had. Are we talking much jealous? Wallace, whatever the fuck his name is in Mission Impossible and beef. Yeah. That's top three for sure. Can I ask for like a couple of weeks before this happened? Was your voice squeaking and kind of like going? It was squeaking. It was high pitch. It was like a hummingbird. And I had to lower it

because I was in court once again. And I was like fighting to keep that voice low because it would go high if I didn't pay attention. So the court case has nothing to do with why you're here. When your voice goes low, you go high. Yeah, you got it straight. The court case doesn't have anything to do with it, but it is on my mind continually. I'm back in night court, Scott. That's right. And you're going to school. Rating through the roof. Yeah. Yeah. I'm to school during the day, going to night court at night. Yeah. You're going through all these bodily changes. All these changes. Did anything happen with the other guy, by the way? Did his voice get young? Did you ever keep up with him? Did you ever see him again? That's the thing, Scott. I saw him the next day.

Yeah. And there he was. Where? Here's the thing. That's the thing. What's the thing? I'm going to work on my transition here, guys. No, I like it. I'm here for it. Okay. It sets the table properly. There we go. There we go. I saw him in his voice. It was like that of us. Honestly, it was like that of a British actor. Doing a New York accent in a major motion picture. Okay. And I said, you have got yourself a voice for the movies. And he said, I'm going straight to Hollywood. Okay. So this story, you go to a carnival, you sit next to a Zoltar machine you don't have quarters for. Yeah. So I never touch a Zoltar machine. You eat someone's hot dog lengthwise. Yes. Guy

tries to take a bite of your sandwich, bites your hand almost completely off. Almost completely off. You make a wish together. Yes. You wake up in the morning. You've undergone puberty. Your voice is different. You see the guy again. His voice now sounds like he is doing a British accent, doing an American accent. Yes. And you say you have a voice for the movies and he goes to Hollywood. Yeah. That's it, Scott. Now you're on the same page as me. All right. Thank God you finally got here. I don't know that this qualifies as a story. I mean, it's certainly a problem, wouldn't you say? No. What? What is the problem? Vienna. I don't know if she's going to accept me plus. I'm on, I'm back in court for insider trading. That's

right. That was his court case. You are being charged with insider trading and you're representing yourself. I have to represent myself. Granite Investments is suing me. That's his dad's company, by the way. My dad's company. They've taken me to court. Your father is suing you? Yeah. I'm being framed. I'm pretty sure it's my dad that's been doing it. He's been putting money into an account and under my name and now I'm in trouble. They're saying I've been conducting insider trading. Gee, and they're going to take an 11-year-old to jail if they're going to take me for everything I got. Wait, oh, is this a civil suit? You're just being sued for money? It's grand investment and the whole county's suing me. Okay. Well, you don't have anything. You have the basketball card

collection. Right, and I can't lose that. Scott, it's part of my identity. If I don't have that, what am I? It's the thing I know least about you. You got the rookie Larry Johnson card you showed us. Straight from ULV, right to Charlotte, Grandma Ma. That guy was unbelievable. You did bring that one. Yeah, he did hurt his back and he was never the same after that. Yeah. What are you going to do, right? Lose back out. Yeah, lose back out. Hey, that's what I wish. Oh, my God. I would kill to blow LJ's back out. I always wanted a fucking Hornets starter jacket back in the day. It was the coolest starter jacket, meaning what they, what they wear right as they come off the bench. No, the brand Stada. Oh, back in the day. I mean, I guess it could be what I mean. Technically,

they could wear it on all the starters, get special jackets. The B team has to wear like, all right, you two jocks. You can make fun of me. Robbie, I don't appreciate being alphaed by an 11 year old boy. I don't appreciate doing it, Scott. I'm going to give you a couple of my cards. Let me tell you what you'll learn a thing or two. Read the back of the card. Oh, it's on the back here. The stats. These are business cards and you have some basketball stats on the back. The business cards. The business cards are my basketball cards. Now I'm being forced to use some of my basketball cards to make business cards. So I got to write some information on them. This is a terrible, terrible story. This is a tragedy, much better than the other story that you told.

Yes. Hey, I'm with you. My, my main concern here is Deanna and the bus ride to the museum. Well, we can't help you with that. Why not, Scott? I don't know why you came on the show. If you want help, we can give some advice. I would say there's plenty of Koi in the pond. You don't have to stress yourself. If things blow up with Deanna, you're only 11. You're going to meet so many chicks over the course of your life. You want to settle down with the first woman you ever sit on the bus next to? Yeah. What is this? Forrest Gump or some shit? Yeah. You know, she's going to get HIV. What is this? Captain Phillips? What? Like Jenny. Yeah. Captain Phillips. Yeah. The Captain Phillips movie where he's like dumb and plays football. Yeah. Yeah. We've all seen it. Okay.

Well, this is a device that can use. All right. It makes me a little bit more at ease, especially while I'm in court. My mind's not on Deanna all the time. I can focus on the court situation. I got something. What do you got, Gino? You can do something where you show up, hold in your throat with a cup of tea. Oh, yeah. And then you have a little note that you write. Say, I lost my voice. Do you have a smart phone? I know you're 11. Families differ on that. I got a regular phone. You got a dumb phone. Yeah. So, where are you talking? Something with the cradle? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's not going to work. We're going to work with that. Should we need a pen and a pen and a pen? A pen and a pen. You need a pen and a pen. I need you

to get a frying pan and a pedophile. No, I mean a pen and a pen. Beat the pedophile with a frying pan. Oh, yeah. Fucking QAnon, baby. And then what you do is you write down, I lost my voice. I lost my voice. And then practicing a song for you. Because you want to have a good release while you lost the voice. This is great. Yes. I love this. But here's the problem though. You mean, is the thing? Here's the thing. Once he gets his voice back supposedly, she's going to say, sing me the song. You're going to have to have a song prepared. So, we need to workshop the song right now. Oh, criminy. Okay. Maybe I added another problem. But here, like, what would you sing to her if you could sing to her right now? To Diana? Yeah. How do you feel about her? Just

say, isn't there a song called Dirty Diana? Dirty Diana. Dirty Diana. Okay. You don't want to go in with Dirty Diana right off the bat. Just about, how do you feel about her? I thought, this is what I would say. I would say, Diana. Every time I look at you, I, we are not. Just say, Rihanna. I tried to say, wanna, but then I came out, we are not. Well, let's, let's just, it doesn't have to be an original song. It's an extra layer of difficulty. All right. Well, we, that sounded good. But what happened to Dirty Diana, that seemed to get thrown aside pretty quickly there. Sounded good. I mean, it could be a hit. It could. Yeah. Fix that. We wanna, or Rihanna. Fix it early on, I guess. Okay. All right. Well, get back into it. Okay. Diana.

You wear pants. I wear pants. We are similar. Okay. What if we sat next on the bus to the museum? Wait, so that's not settled yet? That you're sitting next to her on the bus? I know, because it's tomorrow. It's tomorrow, Scott. I don't know what that has to do with it. Oh, that's when the view trip is. But, but haven't you already asked her, hey, do you want to sit next to each other? Or is it a random thing or you just? It's a random thing. It's a random thing. Are you hoping she sits next to you or you want to, she's already seated. There's an open seat and you want to get in there. I'm hoping that, I see, I'm going to get there early. I'm going to sit down and I'm going to,

I'm hoping that she sits next to me. That's, that, no, your chances of success are very low at that point. Like one in 50 at that point. The better way to go is she sits, you are like right behind her in line. Stay behind her the whole time. Anytime she turns around, you turn around. Do the mirror exercise with her if she ever faces you. She might think that it's her. I like this. All right. Yes. And then she sits down and you're right there. You're able to sit down right next to her and go, Hey, oh, oh, everything else is taken. Oh, I'm going to sit, I'm all sit here next to you. Do you mind if I sit next to you? Okay, sounds like I'm doing a lot talking right now with the low voice. This is a problem. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to sit down

next to her. Be quiet. Write down that I've written a song for her. I lost my voice practice in a song. I'm going to talk to you in a couple of years. Meanwhile, can we please stay close and connected possibly date? Go to the spring fling together. I don't know that you're going to be able to pull this off. You got to talk to her. Just, I feel like it might not be as much of a strike as you think there. Yeah. You're a man now. Yeah. Your voice sounds like that might be what she's into. You know, and by the way, since the last time I saw you have been bulking up, you got like the little muscles now with some muscles. I got puffy, but I got a bunch of little muscles. I love it. So, you know, I think she might be into it. Okay. And I'm not here to judge you completely.

Okay. All right. Okay. Well, I guess we, I guess we worked it all out. Okay. All right. Great. Oh, we did what we came here to do. That's what I wanted to get at you. I got some positive reinforcements here. I got a couple options for help. You did nothing about the court case. I'm still in court. You haven't told us anything. Look, we have to take a break. We have to take a break. All right. And cue break. All right. When we come back, we're going to have more Gino, more Robbie Del Muda. And I guess we're going to talk to you both some more, but we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Roll edge. Comedy bang bang. We're back. Intern Gino is here. Sound speed and baby. What were you doing during the break? During the break, I went to go

pee and do successful. No, a blood clot came out. Oh, I'm so sorry. You didn't hear me yell blood clot. I thought that you were listening to reggae music. No, the way you said it. I went to blood clot. Yeah. I said it in like the, the Patswa because it was just an instinct when I saw the blood clot. Well, who knows how we're going to react when something like that happens. Yeah, I wasn't prepared for it, but I feel much better. Yo, Scott, sorry to interrupt, man. I'm just grabbing the rest of my toiletries and shit. Oh, hey. Hey, Ernest. Yeah. Is it cool? Is it cool if I jump on and just like a little plug? Like, no, we're kind of let me go short notice or whatever. And like, Robby's Gino, sorry. This is Ernest Taylor. He was, I mean, I don't know how

to describe our relationship. It's weird. Like Scott's got a little baby and they were in the jam. You got a little nepo baby. Yeah. And like, you needed somebody, you need a wet nurse. And that's one of the things I can do. I heard him in a grocery store asking, looking for one. Yeah. It was a weird way to hire someone. Yeah. Also, the fact that you say it's one of the things you can do. Well, oh, yeah. I mean, I'd be on. I'd do so much stuff. Yeah. But like, we found that out. Yeah. And like, I'm, and I don't sleep. I don't sleep at all. So I'm up. I'm like a human baby monitor, you know? So like, I'm like really good at this job. And Scott, it was weird. You were the baby monitor and you would, you were a human baby monitor where the baby would make noises.

You would run into our room and make the same noises. Yeah. I was like, I should just have a baby monitor at this point. I don't need a human one. Right. But those, I mean, like, if you get a power outage, you get like, and hackers is a fucking thing now. Yeah. They get in there. They could, you know, they can clone your kid's voice with AI and fool you into thinking the kid is crying. And then you show up there and there's two guys waiting to mug you in your kid's nursery. And that won't happen with me on the clock. Because I know MMA and stuff. So like, nobody's getting in. Nobody's kidnapping the kid. I got like dream catchers and like all sorts of holy water in the room. So like no demons are getting in or anything like that. No vampires.

Yeah. No vampires. I would say you were. Scott keeps telling me the baby's too old for me now, which whatever. I agree to this degree, but like my services are available to people and like, I'm just grabbing myself. Do you say available? They're available. I had a night nurse when I was a baby up until like I was like seven, but it was mostly just for breastfeeding. Yeah. No, I do that. You do that. Yeah. Yeah. I got the whole suit. I got like, I got the like you had like, it was almost like a Mrs. Doubtfire suit, but with real milk and the real milk because you want the kid to like develop an understanding of how that works. So yeah, I got like a functioning body suit. It was almost like you were one of the clubs, but you you were lactating. Yeah.

And I got that from, I mean, that's one of the cool parts of living in Hollywood is like, there's special effects guys. I got this from Rick Baker. He, I was doing work for Rick Baker. You were doing work for it. What kind of body stuff were you doing? He like needed body experimentation stuff to like, so he was casting my body and stuff. I met him at a grocery store and I was like, shit, I can do that. So like he like cast my body and like he was putting on like all sorts of crazy shit. I was getting extra feet, like three boobs, whatever he wanted. He was doing those. Those both sounds sick, dude. Oh my God. So he would like use my body to like take casts and molds and stuff. I don't know what the fuck he was doing with it, but like sounds like a real

weird. He's a weird dude, but like he comes through. He's a, he's a friend. And like, yeah, I was like, listen, I'm doing all this wet work nurse stuff. I don't want to just get wet work. Do you learn doing wet work? Well, I call it wet work. He does do everything. He might do some wet work, which is, you know, were you ever in South America? Deep state assassin. I'm done, like the, I can't, I don't want to, I want this plug to go out there. I don't want the NSA or whatever coming in and snipping off this podcast, but like I've done some shady shit. Yeah. Hell, yeah. I've, this is fucking sick, Scott. This guy rules. Why'd you fire him? I go question. Anyway, I'm getting my toiletries. I'll get out of your hair. Thanks for letting me plug or

whatever. Honestly, she's my nepo baby is not too old. He only worked one night. I got got very creeped out by him. He brought so many toiletries. He brought this gigantic rick baker, fat suit. Well, I get like, I get, yeah, I see it as docket right now. It's like a fucking hockey bag full. I gotta keep like, I'm like, you have so much shaving cream in there. Yeah. I just, well, I got a key clean. I got like, in case I get, in case I get into a physical altercation, I don't want anybody tugging on my, my beard hairs, like I shaved my head. Give them leverage. Yeah. Like, so when I'm be water, yeah, I want to be water and I want to be slick as hell. Um, you, you're oiling yourself up continuously the entire night. And that's good for the baby too. You know, baby oil. Yeah,

it's baby oil. So like the baby gets all oiled up and like, I'm teaching the baby a thing or two on how to protect herself, which you want to do that early. We didn't need that. That was, that was keeping her up. So I know we wanted her to sleep. Yeah. No parents ever want that and the, but the baby's needed. This is what's called sleep training, right? When the baby's supposed to be sleeping, you're training it. It's totally different. You're training it actually. And I have like tapes running for the baby of like myself, like doing an instructional class. Yeah. The tapes are still going by the way. Oh, good. Yeah. Thank you. I'm sort of, I'm wondering if this is a tape right now because I've, I've been hearing these tapes

for the last 24 hours. I mean, you're actually here in person. I'm here in person right now, but like, yeah, it's very similar to some of the stuff I've been telling the kid. Um, like, it, it's all sorts of stuff, um, competitive eating stuff, um, wrestling stuff, diving stuff. You, you, you had a different, uh, technique that, that Joey Chestnut doesn't use, right? Chestnut's bullshit, man. Yo, Chestnut, are you a dry dog guy? I'm dry dog. The water doesn't work, man. You keep the water outside. You keep oiled outside and you go dry inside. What do you think about water dogs in Obama's White House and like, feel free to check out my YouTube or whatever. I'm always eating crazy shit. What do you think about Robbie Del Muda's

technique of biting a hot dog from the side? Yo, that's like outside the bun, if you will. And I got to respect that. Like it's, there's to be a competitive eating contest that just, it's like, you can do it from the middle outwards. Like a style points. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Like the slam dunk contest, except with eating where like you come in with bits and stuff, like that's what they need. Cause honestly, it's here's what I would do. Here's what I would do. I figured it out. I would put a hot dog in my ass, lay on my stomach, fart it up in the air, roll over and catch it in my mouth. 10 out of 10. 10. Well, you'll get like three 10s. There's one judge who's a fucking dick. Yeah, it's gotta be. And these, this is a, this is a, not a Larry

Fortensky situation. This is, this is for real, man. This is like, yeah, it's like I used to be a wet worse for, you keep saying wet worse, wet work. Yeah. You're a wet nurse. I was a wet, I was doing wet work for this guy, like as a nurse and like, I, I mean, just could not be satisfied. I was like, and he carries the numbers all the time. He's a judge. He's a judge 24. So he takes the numbers home with him. He takes the numbers and they're not locked up in a lock box. Oh, fucking, you know what? Fuck it. I'll tell it on the air. Like he's supposed to be locking them up in a lock box. He brings them home. He breaks into lock box and brings them home. That's like dirty shit. Yeah. So he does that. And he, that gives him an unfair advantage

as a judge. He's got the point. He's got the point. He's got them all the time. He has a 10 preloaded. Yeah. He's got them. Well, he doesn't use a 10. He might as well leave it in the lock box. So he doesn't give a 10 to nobody. That's whack, dude. It's whack as hell. Yeah. A lot of the problem was he was telling stories like this all night too and keeping us up. I mean, not only is the baby supposed to be sleeping, we're supposed to be sleeping. Right. Well, that's the reason you hire a wet nurse is so that the parents can get some sleep and handle anything that comes up. Exactly. I mean, yeah, I talked to you guys a lot, but it's like good information. It's about like the well-being of your kid and possible threats. Yeah. Well,

you scoped out the entire house. That's right. And you were talking about possible entry points. Yeah. Like you guys got two. Your vents are too big. I had to go through. I just shrugged all the size vent. Yeah. I just shrugged their hue. Like, yeah, they're standard, but like standard is fucking stupid. How would you shrink them? It's so strange because we woke up. All the vents were real tiny smaller. Yeah. I am my crew. I'm a Rick Baker hooked me up with some guys. We got to keep Rick Baker out of this entire thing because I'm not comfortable with the suit. I'm not. Yeah. I get the suit off. Yeah. I said that you have it on now. Yeah. I will say it is I'm a fucking hornball. The big tits swinging around with formula dripping from them is working

for me. I'm dripping everywhere. I got to be careful. You're almost in episode of dripping milk here. Yeah, dude. I should be on that. Like if you're not alive, people are always coming up to me trying to feed off of me. It's a problem. I don't wear this on the subway anymore. The the the the the shrinking vents like I frankly, they're not small enough still, but I know you're only able to get a tempers. But I noticed it right away. It was like, that looks like it's nine tenths scale. I see Robbie's got his leg. He just he just tucked in there real quick. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of there, Robbie. Get out of there, Robbie. Yeah. No, because I got rat traps in there. What? Yeah. In case somebody trains like

rats that come in and steal the baby. Rats don't steal babies. This is not a pipe by this situation. Yeah. I mean, not not since you set the traps. Yeah. Not that I set the traps and like not just like street rats. I mean, I'm talking like trained rats. Yeah. We want to be careful with a baby and you know, like baby proofing, baby proofing had a very different definition to you. Yeah. Yeah. What were you what were you doing with? To me, baby proofing is keeping other babies out. Right. It's like basically the biggest threat to your baby is other babies right now. Right. Yeah. Because they're equal size. They're equal side. And you don't know what kind of misinformation those babies know that they will pass on to your baby. That's

what all the lasers outside were when we were showing up here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you mean the light amplification by stimulated emission of radiations? That's the one I'm talking about. I went underneath it like a CZJ. It's the millennium. It's the millennium. Oh, damn, dude. I thought have you found Father Star yet? Oh, man. It's like I got two pro golfers in here. Why? Connery, he's golfer, right? I know mostly as a golfer. I mean, maybe he's an actor, I guess, but he's also in a league of extraordinary golfers. Robbie, you're able to do a Sean Connery impression now. Congratulations. Dude. Puberty is the best thing that ever happened here. Maybe bring that to Deanna. Oh, yeah. Because that's not because then you could just be like, I'm doing

this character for the day. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to get in character as Sean Connery. She loves Broadway. She loves characters. She loves Broadway. She loves Broadway. She's going to love your Sean Connery impression. Maybe I'll do my eating thing. Yeah. What's your eating thing? Because you were eating non-traditional foods as well. Yeah. I eat all sorts of weird stuff. It's good for the baby, too, because they'll get introduced to new tastes and stuff. You're eating shellfish like crab. Yeah. And stuff. And I'll record it and I'll freak people out. I got some stuff here, too. Like, if you guys can handle it, it's kind of crazy stuff. I brought barbecue yogurt. Ooh. Pretty weird, right? Barbecue flavored yogurt. Yeah. Barbecue. And like, this is the kind of weird stuff

I'll eat. And I'll like, and I'll span the baby's taste a little bit. Yeah. These competitive eating competitions. This is just for the craziest thing that people eat. It's not for eating a lot of foods. Yeah. No, I'll do all. There's all different categories. There's all different categories. There's quantity. There's quality. Some people say who can eat it. Eat the best thing. Who can eat the best stuff. And that's like pricey. That's like the formula one of eating. Right. Yeah. You gotta be fucking some billionaire's kid or whatever. Yeah. And like, and I'm like, I don't, I mean, you fucking pay me, man. Like, you know, I don't make that kind of money where I can afford to do the well. Yeah. I, by the way, I'm not going to pay you. I okay. Okay. I'll just, it's, it evens out in

the end. No, it evens out. It evens out in the end. Why? You're going to get paid double somewhere else or? Yeah. And I've been like, kind of like, you understand, you didn't do your job. Yeah. No, it's fine. I had to fire you in the middle of the night. You left all of your toiletries here. Yeah. I opened a closet basically like it was like one of those. Shaving creams. And it all tumbled out on me. You'd hidden everything in this closet that. Yeah. And that was a test. I mean, that was to make sure. Well, in case anybody tried to come in here and like steal stuff, they would open that and they would get like that. That was basically a security system. Right. I see. Yeah. No, we don't need that here. I mean, we're protective of our baby,

but it seems like you, you know, some might not think so after hearing this. And if you don't want it going out, I get that. No, we're going to put this episode. You've been recording, right? I'm on the dummy boy. I've been recording. Hopefully, because you're in the backup. Yeah. Well, look, Ernest, I, I'm not going to pay you. Grab your shit. Get out of here. Fuck, man. Like that's hardcore. I don't know how to say it. You don't get that. I don't know what else to say. I mean, I didn't ask to be on mic here. That's harsh. No, no, that's fine. I didn't really even hire you. I met you in the supermarket. That's fine. Yo, you just came over. You followed me home. My services are available.

Who's going to pay for the small events? Yeah. Like, please, like, check on my YouTube. My services are available. So me and Ernest, we're both not supposed to be on mic today. It was just supposed to be just me and a one on one with the attorney. Yeah. And which I always thought was fine, but you buried the lead that the attorney was elected. So you're supposed to have a two hour conversation with an 11 year old. Okay. I can see why you didn't want me around. And apparently just about this salt art machine that he didn't put quarters in. I can see why you didn't want me around. All right, guys. Look, we're running out of time, but that surprised you. Oh, thank fucking God. I guess I won't eat this yogurt.

Oh, yes. It over here. It's fucking gross. It's gross as hell, man. Are you sure you can handle that? Try it. Just try it, man. Here. I'll give a little bit to everybody here. All right. Here you go. You have it. I really have to suck it off your nipple. You got to put it here. Here's a little like put a little smear on my nips for everybody. Oh, it's fucking disgusting. Oh, is that sweet baby rays? Oh, wait. Why are you liking it? Oh, this is nasty. Oh, God. Extra points for that. This is so neat. Oh, God. I'm going to vomit, Scott. Okay. Oh, God. All right, guys. We're running out of time, but we only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little... Would you rather... No, it's a little something called love.

All right. That was Plugging All My Details by Brandon Wirtz. Thank you so much, Brandon. And Wirtz. What are we plugging? Gino, you said you wanted to save something for plugs. What's... Yeah, I wanted to talk... You know how I always talk about my favorite comedian is John Gabriel? Yeah. Well, now I fucking hate him. I think he sucks. Why? What happened? He's a fucking loser. He doesn't really do comedy. I don't even know what he does anymore, but here's what I... This guy is fucking 41 years old, and he's doing some sort of 420... Does this episode come out before Hitler's birthday? Do you know? I have no idea when he was born. I have no opinion on that. What about Columbine?

No idea about that. Oh, Harris Whittle's birthday? Oh, yeah. Okay. That one I do know. Yes. Perfect. So he's doing... He's 41 years old. He's doing like a pot-themed live stream on 420 at 4PM. Loser. It's embarrassing. It's like, drop it. If you want to smoke weed, maybe just do it. Yeah, do it with the privacy of your own home. I know. Yeah. But apparently you can buy tickets like on his Instagram or whatever and watch the live stream. It's going to be up for a week. Yeah. It's a live stream. It'll be up for weeks after... Promoting something on Instagram. That's even more. That's humbling. Yeah. Well, you know, he doesn't have a lot of venues to promote stuff. So that's why I feel like he's a fucking loser. Let's be honest. Yeah. I don't even know if he's

getting a second season of that 101 pages. Oh, we don't know yet. We don't know. I'm pretty sure he's not. But because I don't know if true TV still exists. Yeah. Hey, all I care about is that Zaslav got $230 million bonus this year. That's all that matters. We love you, Zaslav. Finance well over 101 more episodes about the travel show. Does he have babies? Do we know? If he has babies, he's comfortable with them dying because he doesn't give a fuck. Allegedly. Allegedly. Right. I think we covered our bases. All right. Robbie Del Muda, what do you want to plug? Let's see if Frazier is getting rebooted. Yeah. You might be able to catch a guy named Dave Tooney in an episode. Oh, really? Frazier. Didn't I see that guy on a commercial with like he's a janitor?

Yes. California lotto. Yeah. I guess you're going to feed him. I didn't know what it was for. It's also basketball themed. You might check. You might want to check it out because you love basketball. I love basketball. I might look at my card, see if he's on one of them. You might look at your cards. Yeah. I'm going to see if it's him or horse Grant. He's more of a Kurt Rambis kind of guy. Okay. Let's dial it back. So, when's Frazier out? What do we mean? Oh, I have no idea. Okay, good. All right. I won the trifecta with horse Grant. Did he own that? Yeah. Yeah. He owned that. Horace Grant owned horse Grant? Yeah. That's the dream to own a horse with a parody of your own name. Oh, fuck yeah. Someday, man. Ernis. Erno horsepado. I got to put that one back in the

hopper for a little bit. Ernis, what do you want to plug? I'll let you plug something. Oh, yeah. I appreciate that, man. Yo, that's cool of you. Yeah, I got this new show I've been listening to. Sorry, we're still sucking on this. I'm sorry. This is the barbecue sauce. Oh, the colostrum shit. Colostrum shit is fucking powerful. No, it's a little bit of colostrum in that just left over from from spillage out of the nips. But I'm like into this new podcast called The Rodgstapes. It's like all these crazy ass movies. Yeah, I've heard about this. It's a movie podcast. Yeah, it's like, I can't find any of these movies. Yeah, they're like really obscure movies. They're crazy. It's like a movie recap podcast about like they go

through them and I'm like, damn, this is crazy. And I like, I look up on like Yahoo and shit. I try to find them, but I can't find them. And my like, and my DVD guy can't even find them. But like, I hear about him on the show. Give a full DVD guy. I got a DVD guy. Yeah. Is he on retainer or is he? It's Guy Ritchie. It's Guy Ritchie. Yeah. He's a DVD guy. Yeah. I guess it's Ritchie's all DVD. And like he's like, he's got funny ass stories, man. You get him going about Madonna and stuff, man. Yeah, that British accent. Yeah, he's funny as hell, man. Cool. What'd you plug? Oh, yeah, The Rodgstapes. Yeah. And like me is like a babysitter, wet nurse, competitive eater. Yeah. All at the same time too, by the way. If you hire Ernest, you want, he's going to be doing all those

things in one night, which is going to be a little overwhelming for you. I want to plug the Comedy Bang Bang book comes out next week. Very excited about, I want you guys to pre-order it if you can. So you get it on Tuesday when it comes out. Very excited by, we have a copy right here and we were flipping through it and I think people... I even got to write a couple of things. Yeah, you wrote some stuff, Gino, right? What'd you write? That was fun. But yeah, I wrote a couple of little things about, I wrote a diary about a day in the life of Gino Lombardo. Yeah, you're right. I did a little light Long Island tourism for people. Yeah. And this other guy, the Nightwolf, donated some material as well. Oh, wow. That sounds cool, man. Yeah, I read it. Because like,

the CIA sometimes has me like go through books and stuff to look for codes and stuff and things. And like this came in. No, I didn't find anything except laughs, man. That thing was a frigging laugh riot. Yeah. And I'm a tough judge. And I forgot, like, let's be real, like Scott and I don't exactly get along. I'm like, I don't owe him anything. No, we just met by the way yesterday. You followed me home. From the supermarket. From the supermarket. I kicked you out of my house and you've come back on. You really got a lot of stuff set up. I did. This is the last time I see you, by the way, right? I mean, you're not going to come back and say, oh, I left this here. That's up to the fans. Okay. All right. Let's close up the old plug bag.

Oh, my God. Thank you. Look at that. Okay. To the right, when you want to make everybody free. You've got to look at your friends, hit the plug, then free, you've got to open, open on the plug, man. Get your friends together and open on the plug. Open. All right, that was Closing the Rubicon by Synth Nixon.

That was really good. I forgot to plug, by the way, I will be at the Chicago Humanities Festival on April 29th, talking about the book, and talking about my career, and stuff. So yeah, so. Oh, the humanities. Oh, guys, I want to thank you, Gino. So great to have you back on.

I'm glad. Good luck with Kevin Feige. I mean, this is exciting stuff. Feige, fuck yes. Thank you. Thank you. Hopefully you'll be the next Kumeil. You'll be jacked as hell.

Oh, that'd be so sick, dude. Stuber. Yeah, Stuber. I fucking love Stuber. Stuber's so funny. It really is. Baptiste is a hell of an actor. That Kumeil guy's got it.

See, Mark at the cabin. I did know Kumeil, but still good. Yeah. I kind of wish those guys were always in movies together. Yeah, me too. I missed that Stuber magic. Robbie. Yes.

Good luck. I mean, let us know what happened with Brenda. I mean, to be honest, I'm a little more. Deanna. Deanna, Brenda, I don't even get to start on Brenda. Wait, there's a Brenda in your life as well. It certainly is. She's unattainable as far as I'm concerned.

To be honest, I'm a little more interested in your love life than I am in the whole being a lawyer kind of stuff. Hey, me too. Felt like that kind of ran dry after one episode. I'm really stretching out the three, Scott. I'm really interested in the whole walking past the machine at the amusement park. So I was deciding to sit next to a guy

on a bench in the middle of the night. That shit got me good. Well, sometimes you got to be careful of those machines because sometimes it's a guy pretending to be a robot. Yeah, like they're just checking out people in the park. Has a robot ever pretended to be a guy? Yeah, if you've seen the latest leak, like. It's bad news.

It's bad news. There are robots playing guys all the time. Because robots play cars. They play cars for a while. But now they've leveled up to guys. Yeah, they've leveled up the guys because they're smaller every year. I don't know.

It's a Moore's law. They were dogs. The dog cops now. They're fucking robots. They can get real small. They can get like nanosize because they used to be big. Like when they were Autobots, they were like all they could do with the cars.

I cannot talk to you about the Transformers. You have way too much knowledge about this. We have to end the show before we get into a Transformers. I mean, if you get me started on Cybertron, like I will go like that shit. I'm not going to get you started Transformers are from, right? They all spark all the kinds. I can't talk to you about this anymore.

We have to go. We're the leadership matrix. Do you have any final words for your fans? Just yeah, like. Yo, keep a lookout. Keep your lights on. Yeah, keep a lookout. Good work.

Good advice for any occasion. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.