Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Kristian Bruun, Paul F. Tompkins, Matt Gourley, Lisa Gilroy

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Actor/friend of the show Kristian Bruun joins Scott to talk all about his new show The Recruit. Then, Santa Claus returns to talk about changes being made to Christmas. Later, budding artist Teen Giger stops by to talk about learning how to be an artist again. Plus, mythical creature Peonis Pilates drops by to seek help to save his kind from going extinct.

by the power vested in me by the great state of minnesota i pronounce you married you may now eat ass welcome to comedy bang bang thank you to gherkin thirst trap for that catchphrase mission and welcome to comedy bang bang for another week happy decky doggy to everyone out there we are now in the throes of december none can dispute that who would argue with such a statement no one no one amongst us we have a great show coming up a little later we have a mythical creature we also have a budding artist uh that's exciting uh but uh let's get to first someone who sort of is a mythical creature and a budding artist in his own way he has been on the show many times before i believe i met him when he was dressed as a turtle uh and i don't mean turtle from entourage

please welcome back to the show christian brun thank you so much for making that distinction between a real turtle and a turtle from turtle from entourage he would be he would be a real ninja turtle he would be wearing a baseball cap a t-shirt a pretty clean white t-shirt okay i'm glad i'm not wearing that currently yeah and then sweats i'm trying to think of below the waistband on turtle i'm not a i'm not a sweats oh shimmy hey hey gang hey shimmy i've never met you before well it's nice to meet you nice to meet you christian brun right yeah yeah that's right yeah and i'm shimmy hey shimmy hey shimmy hey you were out a couple of weeks ago was i yeah you were well now i'm back yeah you are i think you wore basketball shorts a lot you were a basketball

shorts really like the long ones the adam sandler ones yeah oh classy what was his tequila that he made oh that's right he had or he wanted everyone to get involved in in buying tequila right or did he actually ever get it made i think he got it made he was was he the most successful of all the the chums no entourage chums i think Vinny chase was well he is queen's boulevard yeah what a movie well gotta go by oh bye shimmy wow entourage fan i don't know how he's trapped here in the earwolf studio oh hey i got i keep making it don't forget townland's got a new single coming out oh really yeah oh yeah oh you play for townlis that's right i did did you play on this one yeah play one of the instruments okay gotta go by how did they get him he's been trapped here just to tell you

that shimmy has joined the band whoa hey how's it going shims good to see you yeah shimmy wasn't shimmy in the band last time uh matt you're an official but we uh certified it we notarized it we went down to the norwalk uh county registrar and made it official incredible congratulations shimmy look at this wax seal oh what were you thinking oh you know what i mean come on okay sure we're having a good time we are having a good time we're freeing yeah we're great friends well gotta go bye bye we're such good friends because he leaves immediately before things can get contentious i should go to bye oh okay bye didn't even get to say hi hi bye oh oh right back in for that over here oh what do you get out of the corner and go under the halls again well uh christian welcome

back to the show so thank you um uh basketball shorts i i'm getting the answer uh at all times yeah is what i like to wear yes fresh kicks i actually do have fresh kicks i hate wearing sneakers with jeans and i'm now moving into that era of my life because yeah you're in your 40s or 50s now i'm in my okay i am in my 40s but not near my 50s you're not even near not even near really how far away are we we're talking like north of five years okay so about five years no i've got some fresh new balance kicks on it because uh hey look at that big z on those oh no it's uh it's an end was that an end yeah i was holding it up okay it was yeah i wasn't facing that was for zebra because they have stripes on them i call it a zebra and i say z that's right

yeah is that is that your canate your canadian famously i'm a canadian yep famously you're on uh the the manginello manhattan mystery what what canadian show are you on murdoch mystery murdoch mystery that's right and it was not about matt murdoch dear devil with your friends it was about rupert murdoch oh okay really and he kills someone every episode his ancestor in the 1800s yeah ah interesting it's not what it's about um but you uh i don't know i say zed you say that's right yeah and is uh i'm looking down at the paper uh for uh something to talk about you have a new show the recruit i do yeah yeah it's on netflix it's coming out is this like uh isn't this the isn't this the rookie no but it's you're not on the rookie no but it's by the creator of the rookie

is it really it really is alexie holly so what is this person do who is this he alexie holly he's our showrunner and writer and creator was this motherfucker do he's out there and he's like uh what's another name for rookie like come on bro it has to start with an r yeah it's those are his parameters he's got three shows and they all are the same thing yes the rookie the rookie this is not a spinoff this is come on bro this is not a spinoff how about the relatively new hire hey hey it starts with an r too that would actually work i'm gonna take that to alexie see what he says so what is this recruit about let me guess it's about it's about an older guy who like joins the cop he starts being a cop even though he's older hi matt gorelly uh joins the

cop joins the cop gotta run i don't think you're allowed to come in here just to make fun of try catch me shimmy away i think he came in because you started talking like he does i know talent when i see it gotta go back and hear it so what is it about it's about uh it stars no sentinel and he is okay now this was the guy who was gonna play he-man that's right and then they were like no man yeah no man um i play no man he's in he's in black adam he plays adam smasher does he adam smasher now see this is the perfect guy to to fight black adam no he doesn't a guy that's not adam oh yeah but it's not adam it's adam they're like evenly matched it's at home smasher um well wonderful he seems like a great he's wonderful he's great

peace of talent he's a he's a tall dark handsome young man he plays a fresh uh law school graduate coming into the cia in the office of the general council and he's a he's basically he plays dumb shit boss who i do not play as dumb shit boss i play another lawyer at the cia who's been there a little too long he's very frazzled very slovenly boss who like wanders in every once in a while he's very slovenly i will give you that his filing cabinet is just full of like random loose things absolutely my office looks like garbage i look like garbage they give me like sweaties they make me sweaty every take armpit sweat armpit sweat good face sweat they blotch my face and make it red and blotchy i'm kind of always on too much caffeine and speed and you're always going to the bathroom

because you because of all the caffeine they don't show that part they don't show that part unfortunately yeah they should more shows should show when characters go to the bathroom i agree and i think it would be very interesting to see what comes out of my i remember that on on 24 that was always the criticism against it it's like when does jack bower go to the bathroom and it's like they did show him sleeping and i think the first season he took a nap because everyone's like when does he nap when does he nap and then they were like oh we don't have to do this yeah i mean he like took a nap during commercials he like you see him nod off and then it goes beep beep and then like it comes back beep beep and you could like jolt himself awake i think our show

should have that in there i think that'd be nice there is a scene where i am napping and i get jolted awake really we'll give you that which episode uh first episode first why are you jolted awake what are you some sort of news i'm not at liberty to say you you can't talk about it look no one cares it's the cia you can't talk about any of it i mean i can talk about what it's about no ascent to nail fresh out of law school joins the cia he gets pulled down the rabbit hole of a gray male case it's like black male in the cia someone you know they get a stack of papers of people trying to like gray male the cia he finds one and pulls them down a rabbit hole that's what it's about literally there's no hole in a rabbit that he gets pulled through i'm sorry and where'd

you film this canada we filmed it in montreal but it takes place in washington dc and around the world yeah why obviously why obviously tell me why scott do you did you do one day of exteriors in washington or did they send out a like a second unit crew just to like film the the washington you know the we did a few days in los angeles stadium there what expo stadium or olympic stadium in montreal whenever they're doing establishing shots of washington dc they never do the like the stadium that's the first thing it's always the white house yeah show us the smithsonian or something like murder in 1600 if it had started with the stadium there i'm gonna be more exciting baseball field um so excitement danger a lot of laughs dark laughs yeah it's

it's like very dark comedic stuff talked about that you've said is out of all of this that could be fine you're gonna have to find out it's in there it's it's it's it's got thrills chills comedic genius noah sentino what's his name sentineo sentineo is noah sentineo he's he's wonderful colton dunes in it vaughn kurtis hall five of steward uh uh uh daniel ano uh there's so many angel parker ardie man um there's so many it's a big cast it's a big ensemble music in this every is music in this the the uh doug liman directed the first uh couple episodes he's our director of go that's right of go great movie i watched that recently from 1999 well he's directed a lot more since then mr and mrs smith he did swingers of course live die repeat live die

repeat yeah um and so there's music playing underneath the scenes usually there is some scoring edge of tomorrow edge of tomorrow well they renamed it man he that's not a correction was that the original name lived i repeat back earlier it's the name that they gave it oh no boy that's like someone changes their name and you're here to to say what their original name is that we don't do that matt on this show we don't do that yes we do scott blazerman hey damn you are wearing a blazer so music playing under the scenes there is some underscoring is it like all happy like born he also did the born the born film the first born film so i know what he's done matt girly mobi he did have some he did have some mobi in in born that's right

interesting interesting so he directed the pilot and then he was like peace he did the first two episodes we didn't even do a pilot we went straight to order baby eight episodes it's a tight eight episodes see this is the thing when people go like oh we went straight to order it's like anyone can order eight of something great you know what i mean well they ordered eight of the recruit order 22 of something and then we'll be like whoa a whole order but it's like anyone can go like oh wow it's like oh wow we made seven more than a pilot listen this thing was expensive this was expensive scott who wrote it alexie holly oh right this guy yeah and uh uh how'd you get cast in it i auditioned for it did you what was your audition like it was so good that they from the actual

thing actually auditioned for another character and then i didn't get that and then a week later i get yeah for no but no it was attached from the beginning so i don't know what they were thinking with me just trying to squeeze them out in case he asked for too much money yeah we want someone much older and much less handsome yeah yeah and uh what do you remember did you put yourself on tape or put myself on tape in a friend's basement in a basement why that's just where she had a setup and she read for me and uh and this for both both auditions i think and then the second call back no i they asked me to the audition for a different character right right right but then they were like we like this guy he's a good actor he's a great actor or was it the opposite like we we can mold

him we like his look he's a terrible actor he looks terrible we need somebody who looks terrible to play this character um we'll edit around him and how many episodes are you and you say there's eight episodes i'm in six of the eight what happened in the other two my storyline wasn't cool enough i don't know i mean it wasn't important enough so so is it the same storyline every single episode that you do or uh no i mean like it or every or like do you have a b story where it's like i have a b story you go home to your wife it's a b story that kind of like she's a real nag and you're like man i wish i spend most of my time in my office because that's where my character pretty much lives his name is janice ferber janice ferber but everybody thinks it's janice so everybody's

calling me janice janice janice like people on set didn't even know what my name was the first ad would be like okay let's get uh janice over here giant jane janice let's go it's just j anus j anus yeah anus yeah anus yeah anus yeah anus yeah anice it's like you're basic but yeah anus well this is a an exciting time to be christian brun i mean the roots out on netflix on december 16th that's right i mean this is a lot of stuff going on for you yeah this is good stuff it's been a good year i'm very you were doing all those canada shows and i was like man is this guy ever gonna do american stuff you did one or two but then all of a sudden you disappeared for years it seemed i mean there was a pandemic scott there was no god damn work that's what it was i was in my house

the entire time yeah exactly i was in my car driving around you're in your car the whole just lived in my car the whole time just driving around man it's actually not a bad i mean you're not going to see anyone anyway it had a c heater too so yeah just drive around your car all the pandemic yeah this is a good plan thank you well the recruit is out december 16th uh on netflix uh we christian it's great to have you would it surprise you to learn that we have to get on to our next guest it would not surprise me i know how this goes i'm surprised you gave me this much time i'll just leave now no it's too great really no we want you here oh okay great yeah because you know it is uh the beginning of december yeah you know what that means

snow and yeah in canada come on big bear they got snow in california sure you can famously surf and ski in the same day scott i have lived here for i moved back here in 1994 so i've lived here for almost 30 years i've done that every day yeah i mean it shows you've got the body of a surfer and a skier i spend five thousand dollars in gas every week yeah the price of gas do you want to talk about that no thank you uh we have to get to our next guest it is december we know what that means it's time for the old bowl of jelly belly himself oh what no that's right santa claus is here no welcome santa claus oh what a pleasure to see you all at this christmas time hi santa hi santa claus yeah hello hello my boy ho ho ho hi hi santa claus to you thanks thank you yes

are you sick santa claus no i've never felt better ho ho ho so you've been sick every other time i've talked to you um perhaps i mean i do usually see you in december so it's cold and flu season you might say that i am a new man ho ho ho legit ho ho ho there so wait the others were in affectation catchphrase oh god i got it everyone loves it they demanded that's like when borat literally says my wife oh my wife he refers to his wife and everyone's like okay that's sometimes borat is legitimately referring to his wife the other times he knows what he's doing oh santa so good to see you're a new hi santa you know me obviously you know every night i know all boys and girls who are christians yes oh so you only know boys and girls what about people who don't

identify as such sure i know them too okay good great but only christians i mean that's the deal that's the way oh i miss that part that's the way the business has been set up christian i thought that the whole santa claus thing was to make it not christian because otherwise it would be jesus then how come little jewish boys and girls are not getting presents at presidents is that right no you were talking while i was talking that's what you heard no i said presidents why did you say it i don't know it just came out that way don't say it my boy delivering presidents delivering presents the presence your presence you mean what do you give oh yes uh that's i guess i guess yeah i guess well you are right about that all like uh jewish little boys and girls they they

celebrate kanaka and so they're receiving different presents but i guess i thought that santa was non-denominational but maybe it's everything but jewish santa is non-denominational but the system has been set up are you religious no my i believe in here's what i believe in i believe in bringing joy to everyone okay so you don't have to be a christian you don't have to be a christian but i don't think your parents are going to be crazy about it if you're a muslim and you say i wouldn't believe in santa claus do you know who really does well atheists oh yeah they clean up they don't care they just they do not give a shit well it's well welcome back i mean you've been on the show several times uh yes of course i have my boy of course i

have a regular guest you might wear ho ho these days who oh boy no ho ho you repeat it you repeat it ho ho ho ho yes ho ho the naughty elf uh ho ho oh he's sick she uh oh okay yes sorry that ho ho couldn't be here as he normally is okay so you're not sick but ho ho is uh yes that's not an entrapment question by the way i didn't i don't feel entrapped no i am i am fine santa claus okay and ho ho is ill ho ho's ill what does ho ho have sickness oh no yes yeah yeah that's the worst thing to get this time yes terrible but listen i came here to talk about christmas oh good well it's uh coming up uh oh yes it is my busy time of year when i deliver the toys to all the christian boys and girls i mean it really is it's one day a year so

you can't say like december is your busy season necessarily it's just one day well i have to make the toys don't i well yeah but i'm you're only doing it in december that's very rushed with really need to be just doing that a little more often listen i listen yeah i'm glad you're bringing this up because it's time to talk about some changes being made to christmas oh changes yes is this like uh the uh i believe the mlb is not gonna have umpires next year like it did just christmas change no that's the same we will still not have umpires for christmas that would be terrible if you went downstairs trying to get your presence there was an umpire there going you're out of here in the umpires we don't have we'll still be wearing their signature chess pads

and will they have the uh what is it the ftv what was it those patches that i don't know and i don't care they were all that during the world series they were those patches for that for a crypto thing yes i know i don't want to talk about umpires because they have nothing to do with christmas oh but i was talking about them yes and i don't want to do that okay well come my boy i am your guest okay let's talk about what you want to talk about yes so this year for christmas um there's a new policy in place and that if you want to get the christmas gift that you asked for from santa claus who is me it's a mere eight dollars oh wait wait wait wait wait and then you absolutely get the present that you want oh wait wait wait if you don't pay eight dollars you get

something oh uh eight well i mean i mean eight dollars it's kind of like paying the tax i guess if you win a car exactly well it depends on the size of the gift i mean if it's a really big gift if it's a car like a real car children don't get cars for christmas yeah but what about adults who still believe in santa claus yeah you see they are not allowed why do they make those huge bows if santa doesn't give that's for rich people my boy what kids have eight dollars to pay for this though this service well we'll find out won't we hmm i might make things easier this is a good business model how are how are they supposed to get the eight dollars sort of business model santa gives gifts but if you want to get the thing you want it will cost you eight dollars okay how do they get

the eight dollars to you they send it to santa claus north pole care of major pop driver los california 90125 sorry sorry sorry i couldn't quite hear what you just santa claus north pole major bob driver speak up a little bit on this stuff major bob driver is in the recording is it not major bob driver major is that what i said i mean it's uh you were very quiet so it's hard to hear but well major bob driver that that's a weird thing that you would say that name because that's merely part of the address my boy that's my uh that's my manager is it yeah major bob driver well your career is thriving my boy so he must be very good at his job interesting yeah we uh we spoke to him in new york city new york city it's reflective isn't it it's strange that the biggest

city in the world can have a you just mentioned it and then that pops into everyone's head is that company still even in business i don't know what was it chili paste pacante i think it was because i couldn't even tell you what it was for and yet i remember that it was a bunch of cowboys who are outraged at the idea that that they're salsa like you heard city or something back early here get a rope that's mad asking us to get a rope anyway kids send in your eight dollars to santa claus and you will get the gift that you want huh santa where did you get this idea from where this is a dollar idea from it just it just came to me i am an innovator sounds very familiar just something that's happened recently that's all nope i okay oh it doesn't oh okay not to me

oh my mistake not to santa claus oh i am okay uh santa uh you you're that's my boy your beard seems to be a different color than i normally every time you've you've gone have you been dying your beard or what what is what color do you remember it being well it was always this christmasy snowy white yes this is it looks like it has yellow stain like cigarette stains yeah like around the mustache area and i've taken up smoking just in the last year i am immortal why not what was i doing not smoking it's good yeah all right sometimes i drink poison for fun okay is it fun it is fun you see the little skull and crossbones on the bottle and you know that's not going to be me that's like liquid death the water brand too scary too scary um well uh yeah it's just uh your

your whole appearance i mean you're you're uh i mean you're you're still quite corpulent jolly jolly okay yeah that's code i see that on audition breakdowns jolly jolly yeah jolly or skipped jim day i've literally seen that on a breakdown day yeah that one day would have paid off but your and your clothes i mean why are they not red they are red but it's not the traditional Santa Claus no i mean it's just a red t-shirt but red it is red yeah just uh and my beard is mostly white yeah Santa Claus he and i we are the same yeah wait wait wait wait wait we are the same are you it's talking about a different Santa Claus or are you just uh claiming to be the same person

here the name Santa Claus is the same as me because i am Santa Claus are you not the same as your name my boy i mean yeah but christian can i talk to you yeah this is just oh hold on one second sorry santa i i know you're gonna be able to hear what we're saying because oh no i'll talk to the children here when we are sleeping you talk to each other oh no i will see yes i hear you when you're sleeping i smell when you're awake smell i'm Santa Claus wait wait he doesn't even know the catchphrase he said we are remember children eight dollars gets you your verified present we are the same as reminding no one can take it away from you when i was in new york time unless someone else asked for the exact same thing and the handwriting is similar

um i feel like then he was trying to say how are we going to do this we are the same a lot as well uh really yeah maybe okay i mean i'm gonna throw something out there but do you think maybe we should go back to new york city you and no i mean i would love to i'd love to see if you yeah for the present but you don't know i'm thinking that maybe your nature is pretending to say it's a it's a parody and then i get who would pretend to be something on your list major for eight dollars bob barker whatever's name is oh man are you done talking uh i think we're done talking yeah uh are we done i just think we should probe this oh okay um christian thinks we should probe this probe you what we should probe you alien style

i mean if that's the way to do it yeah that's really do you believe in aliens santa claus uh i believe that you believe in them what about the what about the you're very diplomatic in your answers about the ectomorph do you believe in that aliens the ectomorph for the little gray guys yes matt and the endomorph oh okay what ecto one you're thinking of ecto one from ghost busters ecto one from ghost busters yeah thanks for that this is the one time that you've clarified something and it's actually been right thanks buddy so glad matt's here the end of the end of the the uh xenomorphs are very outgoing and the ectomorphs are very reserved that's right yeah well i mean other than that one who ate all the hot dogs slimer aka onion head of course yes they are the same

they are the same yes slimer onion head that's right um look i'm just going to cut to the chase okay because uh the chases are fun and that's when you're watching a movie you gotta cut them sometimes wish cut yeah good no you cut to the chase right got it yeah i knew a filmmaker who once killed your darling was cut to a chase and he took out all the interesting parties um look i'm just gonna yank on your beard okay oh okay that's uh yanked on it so hard it's not on my face anymore yeah well more than a yank um look this is a fake beard okay i see the tag here it says machine washable which i don't know why you're not taking its advice yeah it's it's filthy look it's my first day your first day your first day of Santa Claus uh look i you have a bear face

right now i see who you are you're my bear is the day i was born my boy it's as bare as a baby's butt which i had when i was born yes that's right but speaking of but you're obviously my manager major bob driver hello my boy what a pleasure it is to see you greetings of the season to you yes salutations many hamburgers to you many hamburgers to you uh have you got to hate penny i haven't unfortunately if you haven't got to hate penny then god bless you uh what are you doing here pretending to be Santa Claus major bob okay well my boy you know there are many ups and downs in the show business game and sometimes it's wise to invest your money and diversify and so i have taken over the Santa Claus operation from Santa Claus you've taken it

over yes and it's proving to be a very challenging business and so i am trying to figure it out as i go along and make the best of it make improvements improvements everything is better now well major bob i mean i know i know that last year you were out there mouthing off about Santa Claus and how you could do so much of a better job and and how you were gonna finally free all the presents from the tyranny of what Santa Claus is doing you know and his and his and then and then i said i'm just kidding and then Santa stock went way down and then i was and then there it became legal where i was forced to sort of yeah take over the Santa you legally had to take over the Santa Claus operation i legally had to because i was affecting the business with my mouth okay oh boy

yeah so it's not going well then it's i'm innovating it's going better than ever it's challenging but fun is it fun it's fun wow i can really feel so hard right now having fun and i think there are like lightning bolts coming out of your eyes people will be happy with the new Santa Claus operation which is that you pay eight dollars to get your verified present uh also you cannot make fun of me if you uh if you are writing a song about Santa Claus you can't say that i am fat you can't say that i am old um you can't say that i wear glasses you could wear glasses just nearsightedness is you can't by the way if you watch it if you are immortal why do you have bad eyes yeah and here's another question when you became Santa Claus yes i mean do you get his

magic oh no my boy okay you see this is what's going on this is what's going on yes i could die at any moment oh i'm feeling a heart attack coming on if you don't think my idea is good oh no please not that look santa please my boy who takes the mantle if you die i can't really discuss that i'm having a heart attack at the moment so my boy my boy please i'm sorry major bob i'm sorry i i just major bob santa the whole christmas operation has always been free i don't know if you're going to be too successful convincing people to pay eight dollars for something that they used to get for free but now it's very confusing because this it has grown it's a new modern age and and and and and and and and and and everyone wants too many yeah that's a lot of ants the more ants you say

the more desperate you see those are bonus ants my boy okay those are free we don't have to pay for those no wow okay if you were paying by the word you would be saving money getting these extra ants i was watching black panther last night i was thinking what if they what if you had to pay by the minute for a movie you know so a movie that like black panther this was really held two hours and 45 minutes long it was like you you you paid you know like a not a dollar a minute but 10 cents a minute you'd want every move to be short wouldn't you do you have to pay minute by minute no you don't have to pay minute by minute but it's like beforehand they tally up the minutes that the movie is and you have to pay 10 cents a minute or whatever it is and then if you don't like the movie are

you refunded the money that you pay that's i mean that's all movies now if you don't like the movie if you walk out in the first 15 minutes i believe they'll be 15 minutes yes my boy but if you stay longer than that the theater keeps the money no but you brought up something good about a refund thank you my boy yes yes great idea so could i subscribe to your verified present even though i'm an adult i pay eight dollars let's say i'm a kid i pay you eight dollars let's say you're a kid let's say it you're a kid thank you he's a kid thanks and let's say i pay you eight dollars and i get my my verified present from you and then i don't like it can i get a refund and get my eight bucks back and is this a monthly eight dollar fee because christmas is only december or do you get a present

every month you it's is this like we're starting to see some holes in one of those uh boxes that you you get sent every every month with stuff that you'll like in it no that's the whole point of the verified present it's the thing that you wanted so if you don't like it that's on you oh okay okay that's not off-brand or anything like that like if you you want an iphone and you get an iphone it's not you get a razor phone or something if you they have there may be instances where someone asked for an iphone and they get a razor and it's not even the flip phone but a scooter but and do they hold it up to their ear and try to talk into it i don't care what they do but if they pay eight dollars they will get the iphone they ask for okay so they can do whatever they

want with the present for eight dollars except make fun of you you mustn't make fun of me uh-huh what songs make fun of santa let's all of them all of them let's talk here comes Santa Claus here comes Santa Claus right here comes Santa Claus Santa baby's a little spicy right down Santa Claus Santa baby she's gonna fuck Santa Claus yeah that's spicy that's not making it's spicy but it's not making fun of you he's a married man it implies that he would step out of the bonds of marriage it implies a moral here comes Santa Claus just talks about the guys coming down Santa Claus Lane there is no Santa Claus Lane it's rubbing his face in it then no one has named a street after Santa Claus okay i'm sure there's one in Finland where Santa Claus is originally from that's

Santa Claus different guy different guy i thought there's one per world no they have the yule lads they have the yule lads yes the yule cat he prowls the earth and he eats wicked children listen you don't even want to get into the Scandinavian christmas stuff it's weird over there hey i'm part Scandinavian so please that's your insulting my people now which part am i writing a song about it take it easy oh boy i'm out of the body oh lower half okay um well uh i don't think this is gonna work honestly i mean first of all people are gonna make fun of you santa look you're fat you're you're doing it right now you are not getting the present you want you're old you're not giving presents to adults anyway so we can say whatever you like not now you're not being

very jolly i'll tell you that much no i'm not thank you yeah you gotta be jolly not a compliment no i'm talking about your mood sir i didn't skip jim you're not having fun look i you're just you're such an easy target please you know what it means please you must believe in me because you will profit from this as well as my client you will get a percentage of wait is that a manager works so a manager pays reps a bunch of people and gets 10 from them and then shares it with all of the clients so if one of the clients isn't working a lot he still gets or she or they take get 10 managers by the way do you think the children paying me eight dollars on my clients because they're not managers should only take 10 clients i think i agree you know to gain one

percent from each unless you're me no they should take 10 percent from each but if they take more than 10 clients then they're making like 20 you know double what you know what i mean it doesn't make any sense like managers who are richer than you get the fuck out of here my boy please my boy listen yeah you will make so much money from christmas now and all you christmas isn't about profit saman shut the fuck up okay all you must do all you must do is on your show your christmas show you sing here come santa claus but you take out the part about santa claus lane is that the only objection i have to scan through the rest of the lyrics and see but i think that's okay here comes like right down santa claus lane he's he's got toys for boys and girls and girls and boys

and he's he's doing it all again something like that let me look these up see you all you have to do is just sing here come santa claus with revised lyrics and you have to deliver the what about i have to hold on wait what about i what is i saw mommy kissing santa claus i don't like that uh because it implies that i'm kissing people's mothers when of course it is about a deceitful father i have to be me hold on i have to deliver the presents yes my boy doesn't that sound fun no it doesn't sound fun do i get any of santa's magic you have no magic to give i have no magic i have the magic of christmas that would take me more than a year to deliver all those way more than a year but steps dot com couldn't even do that but think of all the money

that's coming in from these hate i don't know i don't know life anymore how do you how much life do you have now wow that's a good point thank you my boy we are the same all right here's these lyrics first of all there's a whole intro verse or intro lyric what do we think about this everybody be quiet no no time for the story speaking of christmas spirit each year out in hollywood california they've wait what this begins with speaking of christmas spirit yeah whether people were or not it's rude if a song to do that is this maybe a specific guy did it on a tv show no these are i mean uh it's gene aughtry i think he probably did it no this is a show i don't think this song anytime anyone sings it begins with speaking of christmas spirit you know

how when you listen to a standard they usually cut off the intro uh i hey my boy i know what an intro to a song is okay i'm saying somebody transcribe this from like an old radio broadcast and then the actual lyrics do not begin with speaking of christmas spirit macaroni here no corrections none taking my boy you and i we are the same all right let's cut to the chase which again is what you want to do in a movie here come sound clause here come sound clause write down sound clause lane vixen and blitzen and all his reindeer can i stop you my boy yeah i now i want to hear the rest of the preamble i don't want to say it please okay speaking of christmas spirit each year out in hollywood california they've what they call the santa claus parade a few years ago

i was writing what do you think the tune is to that okay maybe you're right maybe you're right but it's written like a poem in these lyrics online try to sing it though try to sing major bob you're fired oh all right look we have to take a break major bob um can you stick around or do i have to call you Santa Claus the rest of the show or it helped the business okay sure uh christian can you stick around i i'm i'm invested all right we have a budding artist we have a mythical creature we'll have more comedy bang bang after this comedy bang bang uh okay here's the last

lyric of here comes Santa Claus he is a miracle come to all if we just follow the light so let's give thanks to the lord above because santa claus comes tonight i'm okay with that you're all right with this he's getting jesus involved he should thank god he doesn't mention jesus specifically do you think that he's like hey leave me out of this you can believe in whoever you want to believe it but what am i doing maybe he's weird about his birthday some people are yeah yeah anyway uh santa claus is here aka major bob not the right emphasis on the right syllables christian brun is here the recruit december 16th that's right on netflix all eight dropping at the same time i believe all eight are dropping hot december 16th oh and that and you have about nine days until christmas

to kind of get your affairs in order and get all those episodes and watch it avoid your family and watch it too busy yeah um well wonderful well we need to get to our next guest um he's a budding artist and uh i don't know whether he's been on the show before um but let's just introduce him please welcome teen giga hi guys okay so what's screwing that's a teen catchphrase uh hi giga teen giga teen giga please teen giga and thank you you're welcome um how are you teen giga i couldn't be better we've met before yes i explained this okay okay so in real life i died right hr giga the artist who is probably most famous for doing uh debri harry's first solo album yes and the ectomorph sure jesus christ sorry oh it's okay i forgive you ghostbusters and alien

are almost the same movie are they not i think so they may as well be i agree i mean only a couple years separate them it's got people scared in both of them it's practically the same laser guns yeah laser guns yes don't cross the streams that's only in one of them are they're laser guns big twinkie the big twinkie are they're pulse rifles and flame throwers the flamman doffers so what it was science fiction but it wasn't that weird yeah that's right it's not crazy i remember the first movie so many lights when they go into the cockpit of the ship Santa big fan oh thank you my boy give you my eight dollars now for a gift a very specific what do you want teen giga i would like an eight dollar gift card to marine layer clothing oh my boy this i can do

for you okay marine layer clothing yeah teen giga is trying out colors oh yeah so why don't you just spend eight bucks at at that store well then it wouldn't be a gift fair it's a good point yeah so so tell us you you died hr giga you i passed away a few years but you'd been on the show many times yes dr reverend parsimony brought me back to life oh that's right and then what happened kind of possess his body sort of supernatural way oh right but then i remember this i went through some things and like spark and start track the fifth i get reborn but i have to grow again from a baby accelerated and now i'm in my teen years so go start three yes hey where's matt gorelly when you want a correction right here no corrections this guy's got it

but i'm saying it was wrong still i think you've got it who are you he's well he's in the band townland oh great band oh you like townland yeah they have a christmas single out oh they do oh maybe we'll hear that a little later i would love it and that's just me yeah um teen giga hi shimmy get in here no what's up that's all it takes is just to say get in here hey man nobody ever has you just barge in every day i'll ask you have to invite the vampire and the shimmy in one one does you right the other does you wrong i don't want to suck your blood i was just humming my favorite tune the intro to Santa Claus is coming to town oh i love it yeah speaking of the christmas feeling i was recently hosting a parade what so catchy i can't get it out of my head it's an

earworm i almost don't want to sing the rest of the song i just like what rest of the song right go screw teens are great hot topic hot topic yeah shimmy do you have to go i already went go bye so you much like spok in star trek 3 you reincarnated yourself into a teenage boy yes and so now i'm learning all over again how to be an artist how to be a human so you you don't retain that information from life to life no you have to do it all over again okay yes and very much like my first time through my mother and my soon-to-be wife karm and maria shefa like eager have really you're getting back together with her it seems to be some kind of vicious circle won't she be robbing the cradle in a way i mean she's much older than you yeah she's really old now how old are

you now your teen i'm t i'm 13 oh no i don't know if that's legal well you're growing fast and if you're hr gigger i mean come on yeah yeah you know that's a good point yeah it's like i'm famous weirdo famous oddball artist famous mother fixation yeah a lot of penises in all of the your art as well if you can get them yeah is that is that nature or nurture or nature or nici it's nature nurture and nici i love this game show okay let's play when you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back nici correct he forgot to buzz in oh so i get the points okay here you're the first question you're born with a chemical imbalance uh major about shimmy oh oh can i play yes oh okay um more than chemical amounts i'm gonna say uh nature correct your mother ties your diaper in with a

bungee cord so as to keep it watertight but turns out constricts your lowers so that you always have a bit of a vesicle clog and the bottleneck Santa Claus yes um nurture yes and first-hand experience i have one i have a question yes hip hop array does Santa Claus Santa Claus yes naughty by Nietzsche exactly i like to be naughty yeah Santa don't don't take my word on it eight dollars is eight dollars my boy so really even the naughty list gets presents if you pay eight dollars who is naughty who is nice i'm worried people are going to be paying this eight dollars and impersonating kids and then you know and then suddenly the kids who are being impersonated they don't get presents if you send an additional twenty dollars then you

will be it will be twenty total super verified or it goes up to twenty much like when congress was giving us that money twenty dollars additional oh okay yes this time it doesn't work in your favor i don't have that much money i haven't sold my first painting yet can we see any of your your current art yes what do you have well i've been doing a lot of stuff on my ipad which i couldn't do before yeah so here i'll take this out let me swipe through what's that on your ipad oh it's swiping goo it's a conductant to make swiping more difficult oh yeah you're getting no traction on it i can't turn the page yeah but it's a fun try-in yeah so you've you've invented swiping goo well i sort of secreted it so oh boy you know chicken or the egg you are 13 so yeah

that scans it's a bit of it's viscous for the most part opaque at times but kind of like for the viscous nature yeah okay do you have the ipad open yet do you want me to try could you you don't want to touch that no uh yeah i find if you use a pencil eraser you get a little more traction okay here is a number two tycoon deroga okay but i also get some pencil goo there we go it's okay it's open now yeah there we go okay that's a painting of um just a whole hatchery full of tubes a tube hatchery it's sort of a female sluice way as if they always say fallopian tubes but they don't they don't say how many but i says to myself asking the tough questions what if there were multitudes of fallopian tubes yeah so like the babies the sperm azoa would go in and it's

could go to so many yes yeah yeah that's the problem with fallopian tubes they always say them but they never say how many that's exactly right it's it's a problem i will grow up to legislate say how many tubes you got ladies be proud yeah mark where as a button on your on your clothing yes right yes i mean i'm guessing it's the same amount of tubes with everybody so maybe we'll just know who do you think you are calling how many people tubes have uh wow this is christian broone yes hi oh i know who you are i love the recruit oh it's not out yet i got a special sneak peek oh yeah perhaps you remember i am as constable johnstable from the from the hasen pepper the great mouse detective yes that's right hasen pepper incorporate yes yes that's the one

that's the one yes i love you listen i think you know i thank you i appreciate that you got smart guy hey if you're i mean in all my body if you're looking over there try to talk it in the mic what's this looking over there and talking to it yeah it amplifies your voice it does yeah he's 13 scott i know i know you have a lot of mic experience you're learning everything over again i have learned hr ginger was so good on the mic was he he was amazing so is that nature or nurture it must be nurture because you haven't got a nurture i can't hear anybody now you're looking at no one and you're just talking to the ceiling okay let's go around the table how many tubes we got uh i couldn't even tell you i mean i got the main one obviously the main babe i'm old

enough to know that yeah you are buddy hot top you know at a high five too wow that's a powerful one oh but high fiving goo yeah oh oh thank you appreciate that boy do nostrils count as tubes oh good question gonna give it to you okay but it doesn't count as two tubes then do your ear canals also count as two here's what we're going with each ear canal separate tube nostrils eventually bottleneck into one tube that's right the mouth they connect with the mouth everything runs into one tube they are the same but not the ear canals they go straight to the big guy the brain that's a bunch of noodles that's a bunch of tubes noodles yeah brains are new brains are noodles oh boy you got me there that's like is it all one noodle just like your guts

is it serious question yeah is it yes can you unravel the brain into one tramp your brain with yourself wouldn't you love to do that with like one of the xenomorphs oh man eat a brain with a xenomorph now you're talking my jazz is the whole head of a xenomorph brains yes is that why they're so smart okay one question at a time please i think we asked them one at a time look um are you doing stuff that teenagers do this is what i'm concerned you're growing up too fast yeah because you're you're already drawing like fallopian tubes and and you know i see on your ipad you're trying to recreate the famous painting that you put into the dead kennedy's frankincrist album that's the one man that got them sued and i'm trying to remake

the tipper gore uh create the p m r c oh the corn microphone right she's always on my crust is tipper yeah yeah you don't hear much from tipper these days no well you do if you're hr giga team giga really she's still trying to keep me down one foot on my neck that tipper oh my god yeah but i maybe block her on instagram that might help oh or tiktok whatever you're on tiktok snapchat i'm on it all i'm a team yeah snapchat are you doing anything team like this is what i'm asking you're skating yeah skating uh figure skating i don't know that teams are that's the swiss the swiss way that's yeah that's swiss but but are you enjoying it yeah very much so can you do a double axel i could do as many as you want triple cow cow how are you oh yeah okay

i do uh i do a little chuchu meaning a train you you imitate a train out there on the ice what i do you can't just say i do a little chuchu and then look at me don't make me guess i stand by that i do a little chuchu all right enough said why don't you tell me what it is smart guy good point do you have friends i'm getting some good i'm looking around who's your best friend my well i don't have a best friend but i have some i i have some that i i have some on order oh not a lot of people want to hang out with me well i mean you're a you're a weirdo oh you know i mean i can't say that to a teenager that's going to affect my life oh my boy it is

what am i supposed to say to a teenager i'm so hurtful fucking encouraging scott god did you say to teenagers hey it's it gets better it gets better because it just got pretty bad yeah i understand but you're growing faster than most teens so it'll get better i'm faster and i believe you can have friends tingy girl of course i can for a mere twenty eight dollars i can bring you all the friends you desire you guys have a similar thing going on house oh just vocally oh when they're kind of european it sounds foreign to you well you're dutch i'm i'm famously from head and field new jersey it's all right head and field yes michael mires but not the right state exactly oh he and i we are the same don't be the same as you know so much about michael mires

well let me tell you okay here's my question oh finally oh i thought that was me talking oh who am i now this time starring christopher walken what is in the movie what is happening right now what are you doing your noodles i have not formed this guy your noodles have not formed you don't know how to like talk on a program you know i've having a hard time because everything scrambled and it's accelerated so i'm already turned 15 since we've talked oh wow okay will you be 18 soon i hope unless i die that's true you could die anytime between now and and anytime i think in about 20 probably well as a matter of fact what don't give him this it's stuck in it's he's gonna need therapy man thank you he's gonna need therapy do you think you can fit some therapy

in in the next 20 minutes you got it man you do it sure i'll do it yeah okay so how are you feeling well i feel a little insecure because my best friend scott told me a don't look at me with a chitchu and b i'm a little weird i don't know that i'm your best friend hr g a lot of people come in here wanting to be my best friend and i you know they want hugs they say they miss me i uh oh no i'm sorry are you having a heart attack now no i don't have to start being nice to everyone on this show do i come on christian you're not you're never nice to me so don't don't change oh you're making me pass a mochi egg oh no yeah a good day tomah oh dear oh boy look hr yeah i don't know how to help you but how about just a high five okay you're very good at that

put the goo away though please hard to do frankly hard to do oh yeah you keep dropping it i'll put on this uh weather resistant glove oh okay good all right let's hear here we go oh man that was loud yeah it had two sounds yes a good high five it's like the best high five punch from ray there's ever ever high fived over the grand canyon man sounds amazing so oh you have more no okay okay do you want to take it maybe we might have to take a break if that's okay i would love it you would love it really yeah okay well uh we we could we have a mythical creature coming up i know you're probably interested in those i mean i can't Santa Claus already is one you draw them maybe this person will be my best friend i hope so i hope so yeah that would be amazing um all

right when we come back we have a mythical creature we have more from major bob a k Santa Claus we have more from christian broon we have more from teen giga we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this speaking of christmas spirit all right out in hollywood california they've got what they called us and does it not look like it could be the intro though from just the way it's one i was writing in this parade i saw smiles on thousands of faces both young and older like waiting for a look at that most popular man all over the world i can hear my own manager this is so catchy here comes Santa Claus here comes Santa Claus here comes Santa Claus here comes merry christmas to all and to summer good night exactly some who pay eight dollars yes or 28 to

be super verified how are your sales going by the way good i'm glad at it i like it yeah i'm happy okay it's working and it's great okay all right good um well welcome back to the show we have christian broon over here from there uh netflix is the recruit um it's a weird spelling that word is spelled weird isn't it the recruit yeah or the recruit it should be r e c r o o t instead it's u it how would you spell my last name i am a recruit oh wait diesel just walk in here and now he's got no it's been diesel the new shimmy he's gone um we also have uh major bob over here santa claus and ho ho ho santa claus uh we also have teen giga hi oh but teen giga yeah you're right well i've been having trouble because i have so so much emotions

testosterone yeah as throat your own everything goes around so i don't know whether to say what i'm thinking or think what i'm saying i would say the latter okay yeah or think about what you're saying and then say it okay yeah well what if we didn't have teeth but we did have little sharpened dice and so every time you chewed you were you were basically doing a gamble whether the food would choke you or not no thank you okay so go back to the other way uh yeah okay yeah with teeth yeah oh i thought i thought what'd you think teen giga don't get frustrated you're okay you're all right i just i know you you just got reborn and you haven't been on a podcast in a while and there's a lot going on in your personal life it seems i sometimes sweat through a blackhead

and then that gives a type of oil but like a crude oil yeah yeah it's a black gold texas tea yeah i've got obviously but it's texas tea but sexist me oh no interesting yes with the minions do you know the minions they talk to you personally two of the three big ones yeah one you didn't design them did you because they're too cute no that was groot we all agree that they're funny right yeah oh group design yeah all right well speaking of the minions we need to get to our next guest um and uh i don't know what they have dominion over uh but they are a mythical creature please welcome pianist pilates oh

oh my god what what was what just happened oh no don't be afraid of me scots uh my immortal presence that's terrifying isn't it uh wait you you just said not to be afraid of you so i wasn't but now you're saying you're terrifying like clinked into here noisily with my herbs underfoot rearing up on my mighty hunt you have like one bottle for a foot and uh it sounds like a basket full of marking pens as another foot shush little one you are the little one from the property you're only like six four i'm humongous sir the nuts i'm six foot sen and i'm half man half sensor oh i'm sorry i'm familiar with this i'm familiar with a half man half centaur who is three fourths man yeah that would be three

fourths man you're most you're mostly man you just have like a bottle for a foot and a basket of marking pens for another one quarter horse three quarters man wait below the knees is that what you're saying wait the torso of a man for a head and then also human feet on the end of the horse legs the heads of a man the body but the first half upper part man the pecs the legs one leg horse oh okay the the feet of a man the eyes of a man okay the other leg we're just going part by part of a man like mostly man so far the tail of a horse tail of a oh you have a horse tail can we see it what's your dingle penis of a man bottom part top part horse oh wait when you say top part wait do you mean the head or do you mean everything about the balls

so you're part vegetable animal man and mineral cousin pepper go corporate scott i've come here clean clanging your jaw down with my herbs knocking everything about and scaring you and all your little friends yeah i was i was here i saw it you don't have to recap i've come to find you little one oh you're the little boy from the property you're slightly taller than me what do you what do you need from me my kind is going in stains you're kind of what you're kind of going staid you're getting into my kind is going extinct oh extinct extinct are you doing a pun see i'm the last of my half no half son's war no i'm so sorry and the prophecy said

one little boy very tall sad blue eyes bad personality could help me at table ride scott hop on my rump and ride with me to the forest i don't know how i'm on this rump i don't know how i'm supposed to help you are you going in things please what but i don't know what else i could do other than have sex with oh wait no no no no no no that's not what i'm asking for scott oh why what i'm asking for hop on my rump and i'll ride again it sounds like that's what you're asking for i'll trot you to the forest where you will be the chosen little boy to remove the rock from the stone rock from the stone wake up as legend has it what forest the forest in mufufu bufonsia my land how how long of a trip is this because i still need to get

up to big bear this afternoon i was already surfing in the morning it's not a long trip we'll take censor cross lane oh okay you know that street hop on my rump and i'll rump you down it i do not want to hop on your rump you must let me just could we get it like a tandem motorcycle or something where we could do side by side or something the prophecy tells the sad little boy must rump on the rump of the last remaining censor i'm familiar with this this you have to hop on the rump and wrap on the hunt i don't know i uh it's you kind of by the way you i mean it's not a very big shelf down there i mean it doesn't look like i would be able to fit it's a very skinny ass is what i'm trying to it's half centaur ass and half human ass you know one of the cheeks is humongoid the other

is one is not one is not enough it's enough for you skinny little one well thank you please my my kind is going instinct because it's because we've been killed and hunted for our powers oh wait you have powers yes what are they more than i could ever list well list list a couple okay i'll list three oh good okay um first we can run faster than the even the as fast as a fastest man like usain bolt yes okay but less fast than him but almost quite as fast oh okay so almost as fast as usain bolt that's okay that's impressive one legs you can almost run as fast as usain bolt yes yeah aren't horses faster than usain bolt oh yes but that's a full horse okay so this is not that great i have the feet of a man you can't run as fast as a horse okay we as i

remember all the tail of a horse what are your other two powers uh second power i can say a funny fact at any time go go go go list three go please three facts one strawberries are the only fruit with the seeds on the outside two empire's site building is taller than the other buildings three banana is the only food that's truly yellow so all the other yellow food so just truly yellow scot the yellow of a banana tortilla chips no food more than 10 okay my third skill i can well and any centaur can do it and we have raw sex appeal and we can bed any woman we lay eyes on go for it there's no women here oh that's right i'm kind about the verge so unusual for comedy bang bang well i have bed almost every actress

nicky manage bob strikin great actress hailey johlsman hailey johlsman but unfortunately none have the pussy of a centaur and i can't i can't procreate to keep us from going insane well here's my conundrum you've mentioned that people are killing your kind that's my name mike conundrum oh really oh mike i'm sorry i thought your name was pianist pilates but you my human name is oh okay i'm a centaur so your three quarters mike conundrum and a quarter pianist pilates my conundrum here's here's my issue you say people are killing your kind to get their powers why don't police the police are hunting us the police are hunting you yes oh just the police what do you mean just the police well i mean why do the police

want your powers because they're jealous they're jealous that purely just for jealousy's sake yes okay here's my thing though if you're implying that if i were to kill you i'd get your powers and you just said that i could have sex with any actress i wanted so why aren't i killing you right now because there's only one way to kill a centaur what is it yeah just tell us and if you haven't read the bible by dose of smith you won't know what it is you're a marmin centaur every centaur is every centaur is a mormon lds yes are we allowed to say lds anymore i heard you weren't allowed to say that i can say whatever i want piss fuck shit oh okay look just tell us the way to kill you okay you have to pull my tail and it's attached to my butt which is attached to my heart

and all the needles will come out of my body immediately and fall slop on the floor please don't do it okay i mean i kind of want to do it just kind of seems like he wants us yeah i'm the last one and you're the little boy meant to save me how am i how can i save you if i jump on your rump get on my rump okay yeah all right into the forest you'll pull the stone from the rock no it was the rock from the stone matt goreley here doing a caricature of geiger hey don't make fun of my guestine geiger sorry you and he you are the same it's happening scott if you won't do it i'll take this little boy oh me okay i'll hop on your rump give me half a chance i'm a rump hopper from way back have you obtained a rump before yeah and your tainted sluts oh no

hey don't slutshape my guest sorry sent to us only like to bed women who have never been bedded before they can manage barbis tricent they're virgins they were all for i believe hailey but they were all virgins who wants another fun fact then i'm made from jeans i think it's a reverse uh yeah go ahead take him and i want to kill you well so this this appearance didn't turn out the way you you have to run fast enough to catch me how fast can you run almost as fast as you say and you same bolt is faster than you say yeah there you you are the same you are so faster than you saying bolt exactly and now i've run and i just ran 60 kilometers oh but i've seen saddam who's saying bolt pretty quickly does he count yeah from that hidey hole oh his leah his spider

hole yeah yeah yeah good try you think he called it a hidey hole i do yeah yeah i do he's like spite yeah well uh come here no what are you going to do uh put your hands in your pockets first okay i'll put my hands in my pockets and don't look at my wet tail why is it so wet it's dripping when i pissed on it we don't use toilet scar we pissed down the fur of our tails i don't know that i want to grab and the first absorbent it sucks it up i'll do it you'll do it all right yeah let me take off my weather resistant glove okay is this like avatar where we will braid our tails into each other only i don't have a tail but i kind of do no you'll have on my rump and i'll romp you into oblivion we'll get to the forest and we'll do the rock come on let's go here i hop

mostly running around the room they're just running around a room at 60 kilometers an hour oh the how did the herodogio oh we've arrived the what we're standing in the studio listen listen to the sounds of the forest the magical birds you you never ran you never ran out the doors the door has been shut the forest is in our imaginations oh yes i see it do you see it everyone try and listen and everyone hear a different kind of sound of bird now hi welcome to the rainforest cafe that's my bird oh there it is do you see it little one the rock and the stone okay can you pull it i will try try to wank it out with all of your might how did that rock get in that stone legend has it it was put there by princess diana 50 000 years ago princess diana was an immortal

no well in our world she's she is a pig she's an owl a different one from yours oh okay the multiverse meaning the same princess diana no she's a pig name just someone named she's queen of the pigs oh okay but unlike but they call her princess diana was not queen of the pigs she wasn't what disrespect have you put on her name sorry no she was she was merely princess of the pigs no she was not uh she had nothing uh poor sign about her um all right so what do we do now okay yank little one with all of your might by the powers of the band corn i summoned the hard rock death rock metal rock all rock mineral and quartz come with me i like mel brooks have the shorts oh my god he

he did it i did it i'm the chosen one you've done it now you must procreate with me to make more sense i knew it was getting there the whole pulling the rock from the thing that had nothing to do with it you just want someone to bone you you took me into boning you wait you already did in fact we've already done it that's what the rump ride was oh oh see i knew i didn't want to get has my seed found purchase in your soil you see crawled up my wet tail and into my bow and out my is that the same thing yes okay so are we expecting yes i'm pregnant wow congratulations my boy what about me uh i mean i get something here too you're not pregnant though no but i mean it couldn't have happened without me is that why you have that big fat belly the belly of a man the eyes

of a horse the feet of a hoof yes right the tail we know but maybe the womb of a woman the womb of a woman horse a woman horse a woman a filly a mare a mare of east town speaking of the fillies yeah yes now this baby will come out in 45 seconds oh wait how much horses or centaur is going to be in this one is this going to be like more than three quarters because i'm half mad so you're three quarters man so this will be what are you 100% man no don't go don't go jump into no conclusions okay what's other parts are you 73% man okay 8% woman 9% go like a slime mold okay that's 94 okay one percent uh half percent milk oh oh so one percent of half percent milk i didn't know they had skim milk yeah skim milk i thought it was two percent okay two point seven

three percent um just have uh just a marmalade but take the color out okay okay then i'm a little bit napalm a little bit rock and roll and then just finally the rest is just like if okay let's say you took play though okay but you boiled it down rendered the tallow out of it and you just and then you put you emptied an ink pen into that could we have a name for that so we could just call it something there should be a name shrimp shrimp shrimp so i'm most like deadlift yes deadlift shrimp okay yes everybody got it okay yeah i think so so this is going to be a healthy stew of a kid oh by the way 45 seconds has elapsed it's coming oh no it should be here where does it come out of quick hide under the table oh okay hide under the table us or the baby nothing is more

of violent or ferocious than an arson so baby here it comes oh oh my god oh my banging and shaking oh my god it beat christian's penis oh my penis is off that penis was delicious oh my baby boy what about my penis you have hr geegers accent oh look at my little one you must be my daddy i must be hi are you're not one of those things from nature that kills the parents are you hey don't put any ideas in it oh yeah just wanted to check nature versus nurture friend why don't you suckle on one of these guys oh it's gonna bite it off that's what you're supposed to do you have so many teats yes did you those are surgical huh yeah how many boob jobs have you had well do you want to know the original real ones or just

the fake ones how many things to be to tell a family secret some of these are borrowed oh okay yeah oh boy some are blue can i get my penis back please oh the penis will not be given back to you the baby is asleep thank you all comrades for helping me your communist wait a minute that's off no way i'm not checking up with a communist no oh come on get out of here go back to ruski yeah i'm okay with it how are you going to get back to the comedy bang bang studio if not but not humping on my romp then oh i think we just close our eyes and imagine that's not how it works you must get together wait did i imagine my penis has been bitten off let me think about no it's been no jesus it's gone it's totally gone you better turn it get that mf her everyone quick a five man

romp stack on me we're not gonna have sex with you five man romp stack come on just to get back to this gg i'm game i can't i don't have a penis anymore stack a romped up who's on for second stack i don't do pinkos i don't do sloppy fifths either scott if we leave you in this forest scott knows what's gonna happen to you wait where's this where's this door leading we're right next door to the studio all right all right we're back look uh pianists if you don't mind me calling you pianists is it just penis penis pilates pianist pilates thank you for coming on the show i'm glad you you finally have an heir i do an heir to the hungry throne hungry that's what it's called in the boofy of the funsier oh okay well it's wonderful to know all of these traditions and

is it called the hungry throne i wonder everyone who sits on this is absolutely starving you think they wouldn't do it then just never mind never mind it's a never mind and you do defecate and rid your bowels and so you can eat again in your hungry yes now scott even though you ignored the prophecy don't think it won't come for you i'll be back uh i'm not so sure about that you'll see what happens to you from ignoring the prophecy bad stuff bad stuff is gonna happen so it's happening now really hopefully it won't happen until the plugs because uh we're coming up here on the plugs you'll feel it okay well deep in your plugs scott deep inside the plugs i'm gonna feel something all right well let's check it out because we are running out of time we just have time for

one final feature that's a little something called plugs this episode of comedy bang bang mother f***ing plugs now's the time now's the time the time the time is now just that's that comedy bang bang oh all right that was what's in the bag by the titular creation of adam and by the way i do believe the titular creation of adam burned that on a cd and mailed it to us sometime in the last year so we just opened it thank you so much to to them and guys what do we want to plug obviously santa claus uh tis the season as they say yes uh i'd like to plug um obviously send eight dollars to santa claus sure uh but also another client of my named paul if tomkin says he's with you too yes of course my boy you and he you are the same

oh that's right um he has a show on uh december 18th called varietopia at large room in highland park oh that sounds fun those are is it a special holiday themed one i wonder holiday themed one that must be fun maybe santa claus will be there oh not not me oh the other one the real one the real one he's got nothing to do now um but that's a get tickets at pauloftomkins.com slash incredible and christian obviously the recruit is out in a mere 11 days so soon the countdown has begun it has uh and uh right on the netflix building there's a clock that's right season two in the works i mean we hope put your eyes on it are you dead by the end of this or i cannot say but i do hope we get a second season so sounds like you live i don't know i don't know i don't know all right

incredible everybody watch and if if you're bored just leave it playing and walk away yeah that's right and uh rewind to your parts and just watch those over and over go watch you anus and team gigger uh speaking of anuses what do you have to plug uh well okay so my client matt goreley he has a band called townland yeah i he's been in here several times why doesn't he come in now i don't know why doesn't he you got this gigger you got this for me okay buddy i won't let you down i won't let you down okay his band townland has a new christmas single called christmas on the rocks that's out now where can people get it oh don't even forget about it because you could go on spotify apple music amazon music youtube um title um all the deezer uh you deezer yeah that's

real what about deez nuts it doesn't help when you're pointing down at your views you gave me a hint i'm losing the thread gigger sorry um and you can buy it on bandcamp to own it for your own why don't we play it at the end of this show and people can hear it and then say like oh i love that song so much and uh then they'll buy it that would be great right matt i don't care oh i want you to play it i don't know why he doesn't what's wrong with matt these days i don't know man hey shimmy what's going on dude play the song oh i will but yeah what do you play on it again you know come on oh that's right um and pianists pianists pianists pianists what do you want to oh my god you're right i do feel a little i knew it would get to you yeah in the middle of the

plow please familiarize yourself with our species the central to protect us to read the chronicles of nania by louis ekay isn't that just a christian allegory by louis ekay chronicles of nania by louis ekay all right he's our god and you'll be coming for you scots louis ekay will be for the prophecy okay well if i ever see him i'll try to avoid him um all right i want to plug well first of all hey there are a lot of comedy bang bang uh holiday merch out now there's the cbb ugly sweater which looks really cool stickers t-shirts water bottles all sorts of stuff there's even a limited number of cbb tour posters signed by uh that guy that uh santa claus was talking about his client paul if tomkins and myself to have these by christmas make sure to order by 12 16 um also vote for the

best ofs vote for your favorite episodes of comedy bang bang for 2022 head over to cbbworld.com slash vote you can pick 10 of your favorite episodes and then we'll count them down at the end of the year and also enter the contest because uh one of you out there is gonna win uh sponsoring one of those episodes that you're gonna hear in the final best ofs uh go to cbbworld.com slash book if you prove that you bought the comedy bang bang book then you can enter the contest and you can talk about why you like one of these episodes all right let's close up the old plug bag take one hand put it up take the other put it down you're gonna make a box it's time to start to close it but don't close it too much or you open up the plug bag we're opening up that plug bag and when you open up

that plug bag you open up your heart for the rest of the world i'm talking open up the plug bag i open up the plug bag open up the plug bag as hard as you can then you open up your heart open up the plug oh boy that was um something that was closing up the plug box uh by duncan meek uh thank you so much and guys i want to thank you christian always great to see you so good being here happy holidays to you my friends i hope you have a wonderful and many hamburgers to you yes thank you thank you uh Santa Claus many hamburgers to you of course and also with you can i seem to hear that song and make some money that's right teen gigger many hamburgers to you just a bunch to

yeah and hey pianist fuck you scott what why the prophecy well no hamburgers to you then be careful next time you try to eat one oh oh that sounds ominous all right we'll be back next time but until then let's hear the song by townland everyone we'll see you next time thanks bye the family's in a few the trees a tinder box mother's in a mood it's christmas on the rocks the goose is over cold the world is over rock god is over but it's christmas on the rocks but still we ain't fulfilled our spirits to the ground praise the lord and pass the scourge

a brandy's handy when the world is looking down yes it's christmas on the rocks brothers in a group the sisters on the side fathers getting stewed it's christmas on the rocks and yet we'll never fret for one without the wall hallelujah have some schnapps my friend a bourbon is the greatest gift of all when it's christmas on the rocks oh baby please come home

in the season to be home you tidings on to you skip the parting shots i've got the whiskey flew another christmas on the rocks and though well there's a note of friends or alcohol come next year i got some to each must have is each bring only title at all if it's christmas on the rocks yes it's christmas on the rocks when it's christmas on the rocks

i'll have a christmas on the rocks