Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Kushmageddon (Simon Helberg, Lily Sullivan, Jacob Wysocki)

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Simon Helberg talks about early career auditions, as well as his new show “The Audacity” on AMC. Johhhana Goines is back, talking about signs, milk, concrete, and her other side hustles. And train conductor Mr. Toots warns of impending doom on Kushtopia! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My dad. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Stress Nap for that catchphrase admission. Don't think it's going to stick. The looks of disgust on our guest faces are enough to tell me that the hunt continues for another catchphrase. We'll get there, though. I've confidence. Maybe by the 20th anniversary, we'll get there.

I'm not sure. But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have an exceptional show. Coming up, we have a TV host. a TV host. We also have a train conductor is on the show today. A train conductor.

So this is a really good show. That's coming up in B Block and C Block. Hey, Scott. Oh, wait a bit. Shimmy. Hey, man. Hey, Shimmy. Hey, Shimmy.

God, you've been trapped in the walls for all this time. What have you been up to? I don't think if it's trapped. I'm having a great time. What have you been doing? Like, name three things you've been doing in the walls. I've been eating that pink stuff. That's insulation.

I don't think you should be. It's not cotton candy. I've been counting nails. How many of you were up to? 8002. That's a lot of nails in one house. You got to admit. And I've been eating that pink stuff.

That's the first thing you. Hey, Shimmie, it's great to talk to you. Are you, uh... I just want to say, man. I think you're forgetting something. What am I forgetting, Jimmy? You said you're going to tell people. Oh, wait.

Is it about the new Comedy Bang Bang Tour dates? That's right, man. Oh, yeah. Okay, Shimmy. You heard me talking about this? I hear everything. Especially with all the pink stuff gone in the walls. I'm like God now.

Oh, you just have eaten all the insulation in the walls. Soon I will ascend to my final four. All right, well, maybe. Shimmy, would it be interesting to know that we added some, the second half of the comedy bang bang tour? We were revealing the dates. Oh, man, you got me curious. Okay, well, what do we got?

Well, we have July 22. We're going to London. Cheerio. And July 25, Manchester. Wait, wait, wait, let me do a Manchester one. Okay. Tarrah! Okay.

All right, you got one for Leeds because that's July 26. Birthplace of Peter O.2. Okay. July 28, we're going to Bristol, UK. Bristol Cities. It's dirty. Okay, and July 30, we're going to Glasgow in Scotland. Oh, I.

And then July 31st, we're going to be in Dublin, Ireland. Slenture. All right, and then, a little while later, August 9th, we go to Vancouver. Nope. Nope. And August 10th, we go to Seattle. August 11th, we go to Portland. Maybe I hear the blues are calling it. Scrambled eggs, of course.

August 11th, we go to Portland, Oregon for two shows. Portlandia. August 12th, we go to San Francisco. Ding, ding. And then September 8th, we go to Denver, Colorado. Mile high. September 9th, Dallas, Texas. My lord.

September 10th, San Antonio, Texas. Remember the Alamo! And September 11th, we're in Austin, Texas. Keep it weird, Joe Rogan. That's right. So we're going to be at all these places with the comedy bang-bang tour. There's this guy, Paula Tompkins. He's going to be there with me on every day.

and then, do you say gross? Go on. And then a rotating group of people are all going to be there. All of those dates, plus all of the other dates that we're doing, are all available at CBBWorld.com slash tour. And there are tickets still available, I believe, in almost all of the cities. Oh, man. Go check those out.

And then the new dates go on sale this week. What nude apes? No, unfortunately. Even on the planet of the apes, they wore clothes. You're never going to find an alternate universe where there are new dapes. Man, I love an ape that's all natural. So all of these new dates go on sale this Friday, but here's the code for this Wednesday. The code is beefing.

And if you enter that code on Wednesday at 10 a.m. local time, you can get pre-sale tickets for this. Otherwise, you're going to have to wait until Friday to get the tickets. Every man must live by a code. That's right. And yours is beefing. Yep. So come check out the Comedy Bang Bang. tour, all of that is going on.

And Shimmy, are you going to join us on one of the dates? Gotta go. He's got to go. All right. Thanks, Shemmy. Thanks so much. All right, well, let's turn our attention to our first guest here. Look, we all remember him from his starring role as Howard.

That was rough going. This is the A block, that's going to happen to you by C block. I pulled it out in the last second, didn't I? That was, that was a good, that was a good one. Because that was Howard. We all know Howard. No, and you didn't, there was no stuttering. It was just, it was just the old,

Howard. Howard, Howard, Howard, Howard, Howard Wallowicz. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, that's a good last name. How often did that come up on the show? My name. Yeah, did anyone ever say, Walt? Like, what percentage of episodes?

Because you were on for 12th? As if you hadn't betrayed. that you weren't a big fan before. I'm not doing a Wallowicz count to your satisfaction. You don't know how many times they said my name. Would they call you Wallowicz? They would call me Wallowicz. They did, really?

And that has not stopped in my regular life either. Do people shout that at you? It's a lot of, it's actually a lot of like, excuse me, are you Wallowicz? So no one called you Howard? They did. Howie? That also, yeah. All the, how, how?

See, don't you want to watch it now? There's so many. I have to admit I have not seen the show. The show in question is the Big Bang Theory. Do you want to come on my other? Do you want to come on my other show? Are you doubting that there was a show even? I honestly, this could be a Berenstein Bear situation.

I have no idea of the show in question. The Big Bang Theory, though. One of the biggest shows of all time. It is. Bigger and better than I love Lucy. That's, you said it here. First and last. Bigger and better than I love.

So that's where you're... Ran for more seasons. Yeah. Have you seen anything between I Love Lucy and... And not seeing her two? And I guess I actually after I love the scene. That's where I ended my tea. I binged I Love Lucy and I was like, it doesn't get better than this.

So you didn't watch Lucy. No, I did not. The color follow up? You didn't like... She shouldn't have been in color. I agree. There are some people who should not be in color. That hair's too red.

It is. And then she went through all that to become a star, and we couldn't even appreciate the redness of her hair. Exactly, exactly. I love to talk to you about, I love Lucy. You should watch the black and white Big Bangs, because I think you'd like those. Much like that one Wolverine movie, what was it called Logan? Oh. And the mist, is there a black and white version and a color version you can toggle between on the...

In the pilot, we went from black and white to color. Oh, like a Wizard of Oz kind of situation? I've never seen that. People keep mentioning that. Wizard of Oz, you've never seen that. No. Does this ring a bell? There's no place like home.

There's no place like home. Yeah. That rings a bell. In relation to what? Your own home? Yeah. Yeah, when I get home, I say. You say that?

Do you, wait, are you wearing ruby slippers at the time? You know, I wear slippers. And you're clicking the heels together? Yeah. Okay, this is all Wizard of Oz. I didn't. This, again, I didn't, you know. Maybe I was influenced.

Do you have a dog by any chance? I do. And what's the dog's name? Can I ask? Africa. Wonderful bit. Big Bang Theory. He played Wallowitz.

He also has a Golden Globe nomination for Florence Foster Jenkins. I have it with me. Yeah, you brought it. Yeah. It looks to be transparent. Yeah, they don't give you a lot. When you get a nomination, you don't you get a, don't you get a certificate? The Emmy's do.

No, not from that foreign press thing. Yeah, I remember the way, like I got an Emmy nomination back. in the 90s, if you can believe it. And all they did was sending a certificate, and I framed it and hung it up for a while. Yeah, it's cool. Until I realized that was loser behavior. Well, I mean, yeah, it is.

Yeah, because you don't see a lot of the, you don't see a lot of Emmys next to the certificates. It's like you either have the Emmy or the certificate. Yeah, exactly. So it does sort of scream loser. But that's okay. We also know him from Dr. Horrible Sing-a-Long blog. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip where he played Alex Dwyer.

Anyone shout out Dwyer to you? I like that you're now so on top of my character names. I even I don't remember. I absolutely. Poker face. He played FBI agent Luca Clark. Thank you. American dad, Dr. Revenge slash creep.

What? Well, I gosh. Is that like editorializing just squeaking its way into your Wikipedia page? Yeah. Yeah, it's. Or is that how you were actually billed on the show? Slash creep. Yeah.

You know, I didn't even, again, now you're just. rubbing it in that you know more about my career than I do. Look at the theater. How to succeed in business without really trying at the reprise theater company in Los Angeles, United States. Yeah, in America. I only do theater. I only do USA. You're still, you're doing theater back in 2021. Murder on the Links. He played Captain Hastings. Oh, that was a radio play. Yeah. Oh, that was a radio play. Yeah. Now you're getting, these are, wait, you played George Bailey and it's a wonderful life play version. Yes, not in the film.

I know you love that's the last film you saw. Can we hear some of your Jimmy Stewart? No, I didn't do it. You didn't do it. You didn't do it. You have to. No, no. I mean, I.

Clarence. Yeah. She's an old maid. There you go. No, I didn't want to, you don't want to be compared. Let me hear you just say, as you doing the character, say, Clarence, she's an old maid. Clarence. No, say, oh, no.

Wait, I guess I did. Primarily, though, we know him from, of course, the episode of the comedy Bang Bang TV show, Simon Helberg wears a sky blue button down in jeans. Please welcome to the exclusive one-timers club on Comedy Bang Bang, the podcast, Simon Helberg. Thank you. Wow. That's really, it is an honor.

They do, I know, the five, didn't they just do a big five-timer thing at Saturday night night? Yeah, we don't, we don't do that. The one-timers club is where you want to be. Because honestly, most people are in the zero timers club. That's true. You know, like most people on Earth. Right. If you start to get, if you zoom out.

Yeah, most people in history. Yeah, I mean, you could go deep and then you could go into the future and really ultimately most people will have never been on this show. Most people who will ever have existed and walked upon this earth are in the zero timers club. That's a great, that's a great catch phrase. Yeah, that I think you should. That should be it. Most people who have ever walked on this earth. It's like the opposite of the McDonald's seven billion served.

That's right. But then, and then there's a whole bunch of people who keep coming back and keep doing it a lot. And then people are just like, okay, yeah, we get it. And then there's me. And then there's you. You're in the one-times club. I like it. It feels nice.

People like Ben Stiller. Never returned. This is great company. You know, I think I'll never return. Donald Glover. Yes, that's where you want to be. You didn't never want to do it again. The people who came once and never returned.

Wow. And then said, no. Paul Rudd. Oh, what a sweet, originally sweet. Yeah. Turned so bitter. Turn so bitter. After he left comedy bang.

I may have never asked him to do it again. Okay, that's fair. But you've had quite a, it sounds like quite a, Quite a list. Quite an incredible one-timers club, and now you are amongst it. Thank you. And now you have a new television show, and it's been out for a couple of episodes, and it's called The Audacity. On AMC, American Movie Classics, although I know it doesn't stand for that anymore.

You just, you like TMC. I do. I do, too. I like TMC. And don't have Z. Well, yeah, that's the, they're, they, they, the movie, Clazix. Yeah. What's his name?

Alan? Which guy? Which guy are we talking about? The slurpy, like the main guy? Oh, I thought you meant Harvey Levin. Harvey Levin. Oh, yes. He does drink us. Yes, he does drink a slurkey or a big gulp or something. Yeah. What's that all about?

He's thirsty and diabetic. He's a thirsty guy. Yeah, he is a diabetic. Probably. But you're on the show, the audacity of which I have seen the first episode. Yeah. And it's fantastic. It's, uh, create, tell us about the show. Why am I saying everything about the show? It's, it's, I'm more excited about this than I, than I, than I have.

happened in a very long time. It was created by Jonathan Glasser, who was a writer on Succession and Better Call Saul. So it's really just brilliant, brilliant writing dark satire about the bubble of Silicon Valley and these handful of lunatics that are leading us all into the future and maybe into our own demise. So it's kind of terrifying and kind of darkly funny and just feels very of of this moment. It's a fantastic show. I watched the first one, and I just got it sent to me

mere hours before you were here, and I really wanted to press play on number two. And I was like, you know what? Going to save this. Going to breeze through them all. It's very bingeable, it feels like, because I just wanted to see another one. And you play a character named Martin Fister.

What do you think when you get the character's name? You know, like Fister. There's a lot of good names on this show. So the woman who plays my wife, Her name is Anushka Badacera Fister. So there's a lot of hyphins because there's kind of this dynasty feeling of these, all of these people who,

it's a very incestuous group of people who have all. They're all kind of having sex with each other and they're in deals with each other. Yes. And they go to, their kids go to school with each other. And so it has kind of that soapy quality too. But yeah, it's, you know, this character is, it's all.

It's named Fister, though, like implying that you, No, it doesn't have to go so... It's not a Dickensian story. I know it's with a pH, but it's... Yeah, but not everyone is named. What is named after what they do? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know what that... What is this not like the year one.

Cooper. We're just inventing... We have no idea how to create... Yeah, no, the last names are... I'm sure in his lineage, maybe there was some dirty... You have someone named Felder, implying that they felded people,

which I don't know what that is. It sounds like something you do with like gold or not maybe I'm just being. Yeah. It is close to felching. Right. Right. Yeah, no, this is, this is an adult show. This is an adult show for people over 13.

I did want to ask Megan Rath, sorry, plays your wife. You mentioned her. In the episode I saw, you kiss her. Is that the worst part of being an actor to kiss people who aren't your wife? It sounds terrible, doesn't it? I haven't had to do a lot of like, I haven't played a lot of normal people. I'm still not playing a normal person. Like, Martin is emotionally stunted.

You know, some very funny stuff in the first episode where you're taking someone's image and building an app out of it and stuff. Yeah. He's, you know, he's somebody who probably stopped developing at like 14 or 15 went to Stanford and is a brilliant mind, but is missing all. of the kind of emotional components that make a human human. And so he's now locked himself in his garage all day and is working on developing this AI companion. And so he doesn't really know how to relate to people. And but at the same time, he's married to this beautiful woman and that you can probably fill in the blanks there. And why?

He has a big penis. Okay. I didn't say it. His last name, his last name says it all. Martin Fister, I hardly know her. So, yeah, no, he's, he, he, he's a really fun, a fun one. And yes, and then he, then I got to kiss Megan in the show, which is something I generally don't. There's not a lot of, you haven't gotten to do it because, what's, what was his name, Wallow?

Howard. Yeah. Did you have a love interest on that show? We, we, I got married on that show and I did, and I had kids. And so there was some of, you know, but it's always done in a very. chaste manner yeah it's an immaculate conception kind of thing

who did you get married to what actress Melissa oh yes which explains why you were on night court that is oh boy playing

Spencer Spencer on the episode a decent proposal yes I didn't want to drop names but that is the episode which I don't think

even aired I think it was so special that they canceled the show They said, yeah, I did a bunch. I remember doing, I was on Joey, which is, I think, the only thing in my lineup that you have not mentioned. But we, we were shooting that and it got canceled. In the middle of you shooting?

Yeah, but I guess at that time, they had like a penalty or something. So they had to keep shooting them. But I, didn't they just put them all out recently for the first time? See, it was worth it. They said, they pulled me aside. They said in 25 years. Yeah, what? That is how long ago, Joey was.

Was it actually? No. Because it was 94 probably to 2004. So it was 20 years. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would have been in 2005 probably. It probably was around.

Let me look for the exact days. I would say it was 2003. Two. Or two. 2003. Okay. So, Joey premiered in 2004. Oh, I was close.

And this is really, this is going to captivate your audience. It kept going until 2006. How is that possible? This is the question I asked. Oh, because there's two seasons. Yeah, I think only one of them or half of one aired. Oh, wow, that's so fascinating. Yeah.

I got to see this because he played Seth Tobin. I did. For four episodes. You're just, you're really a basic man. I just, I love characters' names, and that's why I watched the shows. Yeah, and that's why you didn't watch Big Day. Yeah, exactly. I hated that name.

Okay. But, I mean, this show, the audacity on AMC, has characters like Duncan Park. Joanne Felder. Tom Ruffage. Roughage is like, you want that before the fister. You want that before. Maybe after. I don't know. I don't really know. Oh, boy.

But you have great actors in this. You have sort of top-lining this. You have Billy Magnuson from Game Night. He's so great in Game Night. And great in this. You have Sarah Goldberg from Barry. Yeah. She's amazing.

Zach Alfenack. Zach Alfenakis, Rock Cordry. Lots of Lucy Punch. Lucy Punch is so incredibly funny. Everybody, it's a lot of funny people. And it wasn't Zach and Lucy were in dinner for schmucks together. Yes, right? Yes, Lucy was in that.

Yeah. And then Zach and Billy were in Lilo and Stitch. Yes. And Rob Cordy and I were in old school. So this is like. It's like a very funny. And Zach and I worked on Derek and Simon together. Right.

It's a lot of like, you know, people who are. being kind of funny in the, in the, like, early 2000s in L.A. Well, I mean, some people were being funnier than others. Sure. I'm just being modest. But yeah, no, no, it's such a,

it's a great group of people and everybody's kind of. Yeah, yeah. Great, great, such a great cast. And yet, a ton of funny people. And yet, I wouldn't even classify it as a comedy, but it is very, I mean, every, it's one of those shows where everyone is, kind of likable while being unlikable and has some some deep dark things going on that all come to come to light yeah and uh and and then it all just kind of like the knife starts twisting yeah it's a very it's very satirical again in the way that like succession or or moliere or moliere yeah the miss if you like the misanthrope have you ever been in the misanthrope i i i have jimmy stewart as your character in the

I was, I was, I did, I did work on the misanthrope. I didn't do a whole production of it, but I, I, what does that mean? Like, I was in, you know, this, this scene study class where we kind of would focus on different classical plays. How much of your acting class work and techniques ever come up, ever in your work now? I mean, honestly, it's being totally serious. It's not that they come up, but I, like, I went to NYU and I did a conservatory program that. And then I just am kind of obsessed with always have been obsessed with really studying and getting better at things. Do you still take class?

I don't take class now. I would if I should give class. I should give class. Is that even a thing you can say? I'm going to give class. Hi, I'm ready to give class. Yeah, no, I mean, but all like that technique and stuff, you know, I, for me, it's informed all of the work I've done. that like I don't think I would have been able to do what I do without but honestly but I don't

think that everybody needs to do it and I also think that a lot of people like for me a lot of it is just kind of like quelling the anxiety that comes with performing and and sort of the doubt and the low self-esteem that you're like grappling with when you're first starting and and trying to kind of ground always thinking you're going to get fired did you think you were going to get fired from the big bang theory when you started on that where it was it like a constant yeah not not not Not constant. I just mean like before it premiered where you sort of like, oh my God, I'm going to get fired off this thing. Yeah. Everyone just feels that way, right? Yeah. I think you do feel that way. And it's so what's funny is like I didn't really ever get fired. I guess I kind of got fired from Mad TV, which was okay. You were on Matt TV for one year or six years. No, no, no, no, for six episodes. Okay. Jesus. Jeez. No, getting fired after six seasons would be, after six episodes. I did six seasons and a movie of Mad TV and I got fired.

Yeah, yeah. That, you know, I just wasn't asked back, I guess, which whatever that. So you were on a six-episode contract and they didn't ask you back after this. That seems cruel to an actor and be like, well. It is it. But that was a weird scenario. So like I had a couple weird scenarios. Actually, Big Bang was not totally dissimilar where I felt like from the gecko I wasn't really, I wasn't really wanted. Like I came, like, you know, have you ever gotten a job where you can feel that it's kind of like a split camp that someone wants you and someone doesn't? Doing this show, I find that every episode. But yeah. And I'm still trying to decide where you lie. Like one of us here does not want you to be here.

Right. Yes. It's usually the other guests. Not the A-block guess. It's usually the other ones. This is A-block. No, no, no. This is coming from the A-block.

No, no. Yeah, so I, like, when I got, so when I got Mad TV, I, essentially what had happened was the producers. Quincy Jones loved you, but Alfred E. Newman was a fan. And, yeah. It was like the producers... Did Quincy ever show up to set? No.

Of course not. No. No. But I do get to say now that I worked with Quincy. Isn't it hilarious that he produced that show? It is pretty funny. I wonder if he came to even one rehearsal. You know, it's like, and when he died, they really didn't mention that to be quite as much as much as much as.

And that's one of his huge achievements, I think. Yeah. That was on the air for like 14, 15 years or something. Yeah. But no, it's all thriller. It's all Frank Sinatra. Ugh. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was just a weird, you know, like, that was the thing where. I think the producers didn't, they thought I was, I was very, I was really young. I was like 22 and they were like, you know, they just, they didn't, that at least that's what I had heard was they thought, oh, he's too young. We don't, we can't have, we don't want. Like what young characters are there that you can play. Yeah, I think that was, that maybe was what I heard, but then the head, I think the head of Fox at that time really wanted me. And any, when I got in, it was like clear that they didn't want.

They were making the best of what they thought was a bad situation. Yeah. And it just, that felt bad. Yeah. In case you weren't sure. It feels pretty bad. It felt really bad to go in. Like all of the groundlings that I grew up, like, watching and loving were all either on the show or writing for the show.

Right. And I was 22, and I had to go into this little room and do all my characters after I had already done this for the audition. Right. And I had to do all my characters for, like, my heroes, you know, sitting on a couch. And they're sitting there going, like, why are an eye on the show? Exactly. Exactly. Did you do impression? I can't remember. Well, that was the other thing was I did a lot of impressions

and they, after I did that in the room for all those brilliant, funny people, they were like, well, that's great. You do, those are all great, but Frank does all of those. Like Frank Caliando.

Right. And I, did you do impressions on Studio 602? I did. Yeah, which ones did you do on Studio 16? So that I did like Nicholas Cage and Ben Stiller and, um,

one-timers club, Ben Stiller. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. I did a few. But that was also like a funny thing when I got, I got, again, auditioned for that, kind of like killed in the audition. Same thing with Matt TV, actually, like killed.

And I remember seeing Ike Berenholz was there auditioning. And it was such a weird. It was such a cool time. I remember coming out and seeing Will Arnett had just, I think, tested for a rest of development. Like, just cool. Everyone just like, what a cool time to be on a studio. It was cool. Like now when I think about it now, it actually like, that's kind of.

Now they're selling Radford. I know. I know. It seems romantic now. It was it was utterly like paralyzing then, too, you know, to be 22 and be like, I'm bringing in a boombox and a garbage bag full of props. It was really, it was really embarrassing. No. But, but like, but then you do it and you're looking to kill and you're like, oh, that's a weird environment to do comedy in. But then, but I, yeah, and with Studio 60, actually was a really similar audition. I had to do characters and impressions and then do a scene. Like a dramatic scene. It's like an S&L audition or Mad TV, the same kind of audition, and then do a scene with Aaron. Read a scene.

Aaron Sorkin's reading his own scene with you, but he's memorized because he's- Yeah, and he knows every punctuation. Yeah, yeah. So you're doing that. And then I left that thinking, like, well, that could not have gone better. I did not get the part. Nate Cordry. Nate got that part.

Rob's brother got that part. Yeah. And then I got a call that Aaron and Tommy Shlami wanted to see me at the studio. Again, this is something romantic about it now, but they called me in. to their office, like errands in their, like Emmys, I know you've got certificates, but they're real Emmys in this, not just certificates, the glow of a golden statues. You have Emmy, I see. I mean, no.

It's behind me. I'm not, I'm not gesturing over to them. No, you, I'm maintaining eye contact. That, that wing is sharp. Can you please get it out of my face? It's the most dangerous award. Yeah. But so they called me in and they were like, you know, they really did this thing that was so funny where they, they said, hey, you know, we, we really liked what you did. We really liked your audition.

And you're going to read a lot of other pilots this season. And there are some good ones. But we happen to think what we have here is very special. Like it was like, okay. Yeah. And it's going to last way longer than 30 rock. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's another show you might, you know, never going to hear about it again.

But they're like, so, but we'd like you to be a part of it. And I was like, oh. And they're like, so you can think about it. Or, but we really would rather you just say yes right now. Exactly. In the room. And I was like, I don't need. to think about it, and now I realize to, like, part of it was just that they were asking me

essentially to commit to being on the show, but as a guest star, you know? Yeah, without a full series regular contract. Yeah, which, by the way, it didn't matter to me. No, how about it? Because you ended up doing... I did most of them, but I was barely there, but I did do most of them. I was sort of like in the background of a lot. Yeah, you ended up doing, I'm going to say, 14 episodes. You just, just, just off the top of here. But when I, when I said, yes, Aaron took me in, he goes, great, he takes me into the writer's room. It's all these great writers, including some incredible sketch writers,

like Mark McKinney is sitting there. Right, right, yeah. And he goes, I'm not going to use any of these guys. Yeah, no, exactly. Well, so then Aaron goes like, welcome the newest member to Studio 60s, our newest cast member, Simon Helberg. And he's like, okay, okay.

Hi, hi, hi. And then he's like, he just did a great audition. He did, do that speech that I wrote for Nick Cage in The Rock. That's what he said. And I was like, you wrote that? Wait, he, oh, because he goes, He goes through the rock, right? And I was, because I did this whole.

Did he write the line, you're between the rock and a hard case? Which got booze from the theater that I saw it in? Wait, that's in there? That's in there, yes. I don't remember that. You're between the rock and a hard case. I remember like, Belusha goes home and fucks the problem queen. Yeah, that's probably.

Yeah, the winner goes, whatever it is. Yeah, that's an, that's a sort of line. But I don't remember that way. Yeah, anyway, he, so he made me do a speech, which I guess he wrote, and everyone was awkward and then I sat with all those writers because Aaron was like, you know sketch comedy, you should sit with all these writers and basically do like do your stuff and they'll write the stuff around them. Which seemed like an absolute dream. Yeah. And it none of it ever made it in the show. At most they had someone doing Pimp My Trike, I remember. And that was and you would just

see like a three second clip of it. It was yeah, it was like, I mean, how we all know Gilbert and Sullivan is huge in the sketch comedy scene. Look, that show is fascinating. I could talk to you about it for literally hours. You know what was so funny after that show is that Bob Odenkirk, because I had just been working with him. On Derek and Simon. Yeah, and he left a message for me after the pilot. I wish I had this, but he was like, Simon, oh my God, I just saw the pilot of Studio 60. That's exactly what it's like behind the scenes.

The pilot is very good, actually. Well, the pilot is great. Because they never do comedy in the pilot. It's true. But Bob, but Bob was like. like being kind of funny. Oh, yes. It is true.

The pilot was great, but he was like, the stakes are so high. He kept saying that. Meanwhile, I worked for Bob for a number of years, and it felt like the stakes were that high. Yes. If he said a mean word to you,

you would go, it would ruin your life. Yes, yes. But, no, I think that the pilot was great. And then when the show started to, it was funny that 30 Rock, everyone was like, oh, that one's not going to last.

I know. It's such a funny time. But, yes. But let's circle back. I do want to, circle back to Big Bang Theory because you said you had a similar experience there. I just want to pull that thread so that our listeners are not left hanging about what you met by that. So the similar thread was just that I was doing Studio 60 at the time and I got asked to,

I got an audition for the Big Bang Theory and I didn't want to do it because I felt like I was like, you know, now I'm on this really. You're passionate show. Yeah. And I finally am kind of getting away from playing just these, this stereotypical nerds. And then I'm, assholes. Yeah, I'm working with. Beta Cucks. Yeah. You said it. And so I was, I didn't want to do it. And I got sort of persuaded to go in an audition. And then Chuck Lurie liked me and wanted me to come in. And in the room was like, look, we have a very special show here.

Well, he did a funny thing, which was after I read, and I honestly, it's sort of that like, this is the psychology. I feel like we all want to embrace it. It's like, I did not care about it at all. But I just sort of threw myself in. And because I was on, I'm on a show. I already have a job. Yeah. And I did great.

You know, like it's like, when you don't care. It's like the Alyssa Lou in the Olympics, the like the ability to be like, I'm not here to win. I'm just here to do this thing I like doing. Right. And that was what kind of happened. And it went great. And after Chuck goes, well, actor goes home knowing he killed. Oh, that's very nice.

Which was very sweet. And also kind of very like, it was sweet. And it was also this interesting moment where I was like, did he betray himself? Like, did he betray himself in some way by laughing? Right. I wonder how often. because that's so generous because you don't want, when you're auditioning people,

you don't want to necessarily give people false hope. Yes. Because who knows what can happen. But at the same time, you also don't want them to leave going, what the fuck was I? How did I do? What did they even think of being here?

No, it was a kind of a perfect, like, distillment of him, too, which was it was very sweet and like, but he showed his cards too. And I think, I don't know. I kind of think. Then you had him over a barrel and you just jacked your price up. I don't know.

I think, yeah, exactly. I killed you said so. No, and I think that after that I was when I said, you know, I'm going to stick on Studio 60 and it just became this sort of he wanted me to test and then I tested and then they didn't they didn't hire me for like a week. And Kali Kowko had gone into test that same day and they hired her that same day. And so I think there was this week where I was not really, even though I was kind of asked to come in and test and I think I thought I was the only person testing. I think that they didn't maybe want to hire me right then. I think they maybe wanted to hire Kevin Sussman, which by the way, can't blame them because Kevin's the funniest person ever. But I think that there was this week of limbo where also you were on a show.

I was that probably complicated things. But what was so strange about that was like that week went by. And after I kind of thought like, okay, I'll, you know, I'll be on Big Bang. And I asked Aaron Sorkin for sort of his blessing. And then they have a week. to tell you if you can if you get the part and a whole week went by and no one said anything and I remember calling my agent saying didn't the clock like run out and then she called back going oh yeah yeah no I guess it's yours shouldn't your agent oh you she yeah you hadn't followed up she kind of checked in

and was like oh yeah I called them today and they said yeah it has the you know the business week has gone by so I was like so that's it like did they were do they just sort of by default just kind of back them into a corner I look and if that were the case, would it be terrible? You know, it's, I, it's, I, it, all it did was sort of create the, like, the, that, that, that feeling of like, maybe I don't belong here. Yeah. And, like, you know, there was just so that first, the first few years, I sort of felt like, am I wanted? And that's just, I would have done that anyway, but it, it definitely, you know, it added to the, the insecurity. But at what point were you over that, like, in going, like, oh, this is a hit and I'm doing a good job. I mean, it took me a long time, honestly. Really? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I think it took me like eight years to hang a picture in my dressing room. Yeah, I think I didn't put a nail on the wall for eight years because I was like, what if the show is? Well, you want to get your deposit back.

Yeah, well, exactly. I didn't have spackle or anything. But then, no, I really had a tough time just finding my own, the self-esteem and the belief in myself. I think, you know, it's weird to hit that kind of, it from the outside, it's like, you're like, oh, my God, you know, we would get picked up for three seasons at a time. Right. So it's like, but I was. really just completely run down with anxiety and fear. And it was great on one hand and on another. I think I just always just thought I was going to fuck everything up. Well, you didn't. You were on that show for how many seasons?

12. 12 seasons. And now you're on the audacity, which is on AMC, on Sunday nights. And may this run 12 seasons as well for you. I appreciate that. I will put pictures on my wall much sooner. Much sooner. I'm very excited for episode two, because I got sent all the episodes and there's a little thumbnail on each of them of one still from the show. And you're in the number two, the episode two, so I'm like, oh, this is going to focus on him. It's, it honestly, I've seen them all and it is really, really spectacular. I just, I really hope people find it and tune in and I promise you won't be disappointed. It's like the Walking Dead, but. Without the zombies.

Should we say that? Yeah. It doesn't have any zombies. Right. Yeah. There you go. But it's like the Walking Dead. It's on Ams E.

There's people in it. Yeah, there's if that in, if you like people. Yeah. Well, we're going to take a break here. Simon, can you stick around? Okay. To get to stay in the one-timers club, you have to stay through the end of the show. I mean, to be honest, is there a halftimer club?

Did Ben Stiller stay the entire time? No. But, uh, I'm going to stay. We may have stitched two episodes together. Fair enough. And called it one episode. But, um, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we have a TV host.

We also have a train conductor. This is an incredible show. We're going to be right back with more Simon Helberg. More comedy bang bang, bang, bang, more comedy bang, bang, we're back. Simon Helberg, the audacity is on AMC. What does the title refer to? Because I was watching the first episode and they never say like, oh, the audacity. Right.

Did that that upset you that they never? It did. Yeah. Then I was like, maybe it's one of the companies that they're working for, but it was all like Spoogle. Right. No, I think it's. Cooper Tino. Exactly.

Yeah. which you can, again, draw your own conclusions. I think the audacity is referring to just that the brazen, uh, ballziness of, of these, of these people to sort of, to sort of,

anoint themselves as the ruling class. Yes. The leaders of this arms race to, to save humanity, um, from, from the brink of what? I don't know.

From, from the brink of the disaster that they're creating, I guess so. And Cooper Tino is meant to be Apple. And it's because Cooper Tino is a ringtone on iPhones. Yes. Okay. Let's teach stuff.

You really are trying to, you have a very, it's a small, small little box of knowledge. I'm interested in names. You like names, you have like facts that, you know, you really want to get out. You know ringtones. Yeah, look, I'm a ringtone guy. Yeah, that's fair. I forgot that. Is Cooper Tino, is that the one that was?

I've never heard it before. I've just seen the name of it. Oh, well. That was a good impression, though. Thank you. Assuming that's what it sounds like, because I've never heard it. No, right. I do impressions, all of inanimate objects.

Well, we need to get to our next guest, speaking of inanimate objects. She is a TV host. Please welcome back to the show. Joanna Gaines, Gaines, Gaines. Oh, well, it is going, Scott. Yeah, no, there was that, we had that mix up back in Texas the last time I saw you. Sorry, yes. You were on a live episode we did.

That's right. In Texas. Uh-huh. And you're the doing. a DIY fixer-upper person? And I'm going to correct you there too. So, okay, there is Chip and Joanna Gaines who have the show Fixer Upper in Texas.

Oh, okay. Right. And then... And she's half-Hasian, but that's not you. Haitian? Did you say Haitian? She's half-Han, that's right. Like Haitian?

Or you pronounce the silent H in Asians? Yes, always. I pronounce the silent Asian as well. She's Haitian, and I am white. I'm totally white. 100%. And I'm sure if someone ever played a character like Chipp, like Joanna Gaines. You're Joanna Goins, though.

I'm Joanna Goins. You have a similar career. Oh, yeah. We're very similar, so I understand why people got it mixed up. Okay, got it. So what is your story? What do you do? You're a TV host?

You have your own TV shows? I have my own TV show with my husband who's also named Chip. Oh, okay. And my name is also named Joanna, but I spelled with three H's. Oh, three Hs. Jonah. Hannah. Is that, oh, that's what?

For the H.N. Pagian, you're just a big fan of H's. We're just throwing H's around. You just throw them around. Johanna. Johanna. Goin. Goins. That's right.

So there is no confusion about any of these facts. No. And we also have a show where we fix up houses. So they do that in Waco, Texas, and we do ours in Waco. Waco, is that in Texas as well? That's right. Waco, Texas. It's famous for their taco, the butter taco.

The Waco Taco. The Waco Taco Taco. Yeah. Not to be confused with the Chaco taco taco. Oh, no. That's an ice cream. Yes. This is some sort of meat-based taco.

This is a butter taco. It is stuff. A butter taco? That's right. A whole stick of butter. In the middle? In the middle of a flour tortilla. Instead of meat or...

No cheese. No guac, no nothing. Just a whole stick of butter. Just famous Texas taco. Guaco taco. Well, now that would have been smart. But this is just, you know, it's called... They sort of those in Guaco, Texas.

Right. And Chaco, Texas has the Chaco tacos. That's right. That's right. And Tiva, Texas has its TV shoes. Right. Right. No, yeah.

It's all... We're talking about tacos. Squared away. But so you have... What type of houses do you fix up? Oh, so we fix up pieces of shit. Absolutely. Just dog shit houses that look like, you know...

Pig sties. Absolute pig sties. We come in. And so chis up. Are you interested, Simon, in these types of TV shows where they take a house and they make it look really good? No. Oh, okay. Great.

And that's okay. You don't have to be. We're not twisting your arm. You don't have to watch it. No, I do. I like to see. The satisfaction of flipping something, there is that gratification that you get from. But I always wonder, is the quality high when you?

Oh, it's not. Because it's so, yeah, it's so fast. It's really fast and really bad. Plus, we got Chip, my husband, who's a fucking. idiot, but I love him. He's so stupid and funny. He's handsome, though, isn't he? He's so handsome and dumb like a golden retriever.

Yeah. Who got hit in the head with a barrel. Yeah. Like a full barrel. Yeah. A full barrel of milk. Yeah, or milk, yeah. Yeah, he's always doing funny stuff.

He's always falling through the roof, you know. We're always laughing at him. I almost turned into the camera going, my fucking husband. He's so stupid. And it's the one fixer up or television show where they allow you to curse like that, right? Yeah, I feel like they're all pretty family-friendly. Yeah, but this is the one that dares to go there. Well, this one is on tubby.

That's where, that streaming service where you can watch stuff in the bath. Oh, yes, with two Bs and a Y. That's right. So when you're in the bath, like, you don't mind here in person. You have to watch wet. You say when you can't, you can't watch other things in the bath? No. I mean, you wouldn't want to.

No, no, you wouldn't want to. Are you guys wet on the show? Oh, we're sop and wet. This sounds like it's straight out of wet day, which of course, course was a couple of weeks ago. Now what the fuck is that? Wetay on April 10th. What is that?

That's the holiday that Paul of Tompkins and I created a few years back. Oh my God. Go back and listen to our Wet Day episodes. You'll get a lot of lore about them. Go ahead and send that to me. I'm put that on my iPad. Definitely. I don't have any of your personal information.

That's right. I keep it secret. Why is that? Well, you know, when you're famous like we are, everyone wants to know your business, you know? Everyone wants to know what you're doing now. What you're working on, Chip? Meanwhile, Chip is falling through a ceiling into a concrete truck and getting spit out of the back and made it to a sidewalk.

Oh. You know what I mean? So he's not, he's dead. He's alive, but he isn't a sidewalk right now. He's currently in a sidewalk. But it's still wet. But he's being so funny. Well, yeah.

Are they trying to get him out? They're working on it. Yeah, he wanted to be here, of course. I would love to have him on the show sometime because we love talking to you. Oh, yeah. No. Your escapades. Thank you so much.

You know, I've been focusing more on our farm, our Saginaw Farm. Yeah, and that is also in Waco? That's in Waco. Okay, and what is the farm like? So the farm is this beautiful farm where we sell stuff and we sell it at, you know, unlike Joanna, she sells at Target. Right, yeah, where do you say? We sell it the come and go. The come and go.

That's right. Is that a gas station? Oh, it's a gas station. But don't worry, this one they spell with the C. I know you were begging for it. Is it spelled with a K? No, I was actually thinking about it is it spelled C-U-M. Yeah.

And it is. It is. That's what I'm saying. And it's a gas station? Yeah, I come and go. Have you ever driven around the American States? I have. I mean, anytime that I see come and go in a gas station, it's usually in the bathroom.

Oh. Oh, well, is this a family show? Yeah, I mean. You were the one cursing it up. Yeah. I thought he would beep him. You going to beat me? Beat you a cursing?

Beep me! Am I going to be? Oh, beat, no, we're all out of bleeps. We ran out of bleeps. So many people used them, like, back in 2011, I think we ran out of bleeps. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So, so unfortunately, you guys can say whatever you want at this point.

Well, okay, then I guess I'll fucking do it. Joe Hanna, you're so funny. Thank you. Thank you. So, yeah. So what is going on? So you have the farm and you're selling things that to come and go. What type of stuff?

We sell signs, Scott. Signs for inside your house. You know, signs that say stuff in different fonts. Like, what do they say? Like, stuff like, can you not put those tiny little boots on top of that table like you stink a little pig? Oh. And this is...

Like, ironic signs for, like, children or guests. Or passive aggressive signs? Yeah, or, like, is it actually instructional? Nice little signs. You know, cute little signs you put in your kitchen or something like... Metal or they, like... Would. Reclaim.

Oh, good. That's good. Reclaim from what? From other signs. From other pieces of shit houses with signs in them. And so, I mean, this sounds, so if you're a mother out there and you have kids who are always putting their feet up on this table, it's like a funny little sign to be like, hey, this is a humorous thing, but really also we want you to keep your feet off the fucking furniture. Exactly. Or, you know, we sign in the bathroom that's like, could you please wipe you stinky little pig?

Pee you. I'm gagging. Oh, to kit. kids. No, to adults. You'd be surprised. People need to be reminded to wipe their ass and their hands, Scott. They need to wash those. Well, it usually goes the ass first and then the hands, because the hands are the last line of defense. That's right. That's so smart of you. You learned it. Yeah, I did. Well, I don't need a sign up in my bathroom. I, I, but I, wow, he's fancy. Coastal elite over here. Yeah, I mean, usually, the signs that I know of that people hang up are things like

bless this mess, which is funny because it's like, oh, he's fancy. Oh, yeah. Of course. Or calm down, right? Calm down. Calm down. Not come down. See you M down. No, no, not C-U-M-down.

Come down or calm down? Calm down, you stupid little pig. Calm down, you stupid little pig. Someone has a sign that just says calm down in their house. Yeah, isn't that like a thing? That would get me fired up if some sign told me to calm down. You feel like that's too passive aggressive. I would go, excuse me, who you think you talk to, Mr. Pig?

Right. I am doing a. a Google image search for calm down signs. And there is, I mean, look, there is, are a couple. There's usually stuff like calm corner or calm corner. This is a safe space. Take a deep breath. But there are, there are two signs here that look like a road hazard signs.

I just, I just, maybe that's something I just see when I'm starting to stroke out. Now, we've got signs like, don't forget to take your anxiety medicine, you little stinky pig. You're making a mess in here. P you, there's a pen outside, get back in it. We shut the door on you. This is a long sign. This is, I mean, take up most of my wall space if I put that up. We play with the font, Scott, so it all fits on there.

Don't you worry. So is it like, in this house, we... In this house, we don't make a mess with those big old boots. Right. Is there more to that one? No, that one short. But boots is huge. So it's a big, it's a big ass.

Simon, you were saying? No, I just was thinking about how clean, I don't know, maybe your house is filthy. I can't tell, which. Yeah, are these based on your own life? I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in. Oh, yeah, no, well, when you have a husband like Chip. He's always covered in concrete.

He's always covered in concrete. He's always falling through. He's got roof debris sticking to him. Jumping through trampling and landing on a building and going through an office and landing in the mail room covered in tar. Does he have mail stuck to him? Some days. He's got pieces of mail all over him.

He's such a silly little fucking idiot. Yeah. But you know, is that how you got your ideas for the signs is he'll do something and you'll, you'll say something and then you'll go, wait, that makes a great sign. He's nonstop material. It's like having a big fucking baby walking around with a nail gun. It's a very niche. I don't know how many people have mail stuck to them with tar and concrete.

Do you have a sign about that one? Like, hey, get that mail off of you and clean the tithe. Tar off, you stupid little asshole. Very close, Scott. Yeah. It's a, and don't you fall through the roof again of that big old office building trying to be a lawyer, whatever, covered in some mail? Trying to be a lawyer? That's part of the story? Oh, yeah. Wow.

But, you know, we have a bunch of kids, too, and they're dirty little fucking messes as well. Yeah. How many kids do you have? We got 12 kids, Scott. 12. That's a lot. Cheaper by the dozen, they said. Cheaper by the dozen. I had a baker's dozen for a bit there. One of your kids passed away One of our kids ran away Ran away

Okay That was really close Almost got dark I almost got really scared No just ran away And you never found them And they're presumed dead Yeah they're probably dead somewhere

Yeah Okay good That's a way better story No But now you know Scott We have to pivot We have to pivot No not you

And say no your farms Because well First of all I didn't know this But Toby's not doing very well people don't want to watch bath content apparently oh tubby oh i thought you were saying toby and i was but tubby's not doing well i do have a toby though i have about six toby's you have six tobys you have a word or six of your children toby joe toby mike oh got it toby rancid toby rancid is one of your

he's so stunky you knew that upon naming him yeah when he came out the womb i know he's covered in womb shit. Yeah, they stink. I didn't know there was babies. Did you know that baby's shit in there, Scott? I have heard this from certain friends that it seems to be a constant problem. Some kind of tar situation. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's disgusting. Being pregnant is disgusting. It's absolutely horrible. No one should ever do it. But it's going to be all worth it at the end. People keep saying that. Who knows? But that's not you. You're not pregnant. Oh, no, no. But I probably should get pregnant because I'm kind of pivoted into the whole trad wife thing.

Oh, you're pivoting into trad wives. Simon, you know what these are, tradwives? Yeah, it's like an old-fashioned, like somebody whose whole lifestyle is being a wife. That's right. We want to pivot back. A study just came out about the men who desire trad wives are very misogynistic. And how does that make you feel over there? How does it make me feel? That's not my lifestyle, man. I just mean, I think we need to go back to when things were better. Okay.

And what does that mean to you? Because you have your own business. So isn't that a conflict of interest for you to be a tradwife who has a business based on tradwife stuff? And you would say that. Some people have said that. Yeah. So I would say it. Other people have said it.

It sounds like we're all in agreement. And some people would go ahead and put that in a newspaper. The newspaper. But my feeling is, you know, most of the people, watch my content online. They don't know the full story. They don't know I have a big old staff helping me. So when Chip says, hey, I want a jolly rancher.

I go, well, I'm going to make that from scratch. And meanwhile, I have my team make it or buy some. They look up a recipe or just buy some jolly ranchers. They go and buy some jolly ranchers. I pretend to do. Put a min a bowl. And I go, I decided to make my husband a jolly rancher. I, watermelon, flyer, so that we could watch a movie.

And then you unwrap it and you. You put it in the... And he says Jolly Rancher on it? It says Jolly Rancher. It's the whole thing. But it works. People love it. People love that shit.

How big of a staff do you have? 45. 45. Just in the house. Just in that. You have an outdoor staff as well? We have the farm staff. That's about 162.

162. That's right. We have over 200 people on the payroll. That's right. We do. Yeah. It's a big operation, Scott. Yeah.

And, you know, I'm selling, we're selling raw milk now. Oh, good. Don't you worry we're selling raw milk and bags? I was a little concerned that you weren't selling raw milk because the standards have been lower to get that into stores these days. I know, but yes, we've had some recalled, but there's nothing like a glass of raw milk out of a big fat bag. Is that unpastised? They call it raw, too. Oh, they call it raw.

So it's like raw dogging milk. Right. Have you ever raw dogged anything? Have you ever raw dog to glass of milk? It's been a while. But have you ever raw dog to anything? Well, you know, like sometimes like you say a raw dog in life, they say. Oh, sure.

When you go off your antidepressants. That's true, yes. I could never. And women. Yeah, sure, of course. Lots of women. Lots. Well, they go hand in hand.

Yeah, yeah. Of course they do. Yeah. So you got their rom. And I was noticing on your website, you say that you, your milk is rar than any other milk. What does that mean? Yeah, so it is raw. It is.

Much more roar. And what we've done is we've taken the unpastrious milk, and then we've run it through a cow again. What does that mean? You force feed a cow milk? Uh-huh. And that shits it out? Yes. And then we make that back into milk.

What? So there's a period where it's not milk. It's just diarrhea? That's right. There's a period where it is diarrhea. And then we make it back into milk. How does one turn diarrhea into milk? I wonder.

This is a rumple-stall-skinned situation. And that is a question for. Sagnollia Farms. Because that's what they're doing over the team there. We've got an amazing team. That's fantastic. Well, gosh, your website is really interesting. The signs take up about 90% of it.

Well, yeah, and we are getting into throw pillows, too. We're expanding. And these are pillows, like a traditional definition of a throw pillows, a decorative pillow. But I see these are for actual throwing? These are for throwing at your kids when they're being little rascal pigs. So one of these says on it, hey, you. you fucking idiot. I'm going to throw this at you if you don't shut the fuck up. There's a lot of, don't make me do it. I will throw this.

And it says you can put rolls of pennies inside. Now that is fun. You could also, you could put roll pennies. You could put some staples. You could put anything metallic and sort of heavy by the bulk. There's one. You could put a full cat in there. I swear to God. You could throw your cat at your kid. So if your cat and your kid are both disbehaving, is that a word? And we're disbehaving. Ain't disbehaving. Don't be disbehaving now. Yeah.

Well, Joe, Hannah, this is all fascinating stuff. We're coming up on a break. Can you stick around here? Okay, yes, I can and I will, you little stinky bag? All right. Please don't make a pillow about me. We have a train conductor coming up. This is very, very exciting.

Holy fucking shit. Simon, have you ever been on a train before? I have. I don't think I've ever met a real conductor, though. I'm trying to remember if I ever have either, but this is very exciting, a train conductor. We're going to be right back. We're going to have more Johanna Goins. More Simon Helberg.

We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Back after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang, we're back. Simon Helberg of the Audacity on AMC. How many episodes are we talking 10? We're talking eight. Eight. We're talking eight coming out this. I love that.

When I get a part on something and I go, ooh, going to do 10 episodes. Then I see the actual contract. Snip two right out Just take it right out Yeah Because you get paid by the episode Yeah Isn't that nice to see

It's just eight That's less money And then you have so much Time to do other Time to earn money We also have Joe Hannagoins here And do you have the audacity

To put that little diaper In your ass You stinky little pig Okay that is based on me And I will accept that Well we need to get to our next guest He's a train conductor I'm looking for his name right here

Oh my gosh Mr. My friend It's a long time No C buddy Oh it's Mr. Tutes is here It's me I'm back man Oh come here Give me big hugs brother man

Hi Mr Titt Yeah sure bring it in here Mase and a Mase Yeah give one to Simon too Oh see here man That's so cool to meet you And of course And little Texas lady?

Go ahead and drive me on those shoulders, you big old bunny cat. Come on, mossa, mace. It's so cool to see you, man. Hi, Mr. Tuts. A Tute, dude, of course, yes. Sorry, guys. Mr. Tuts has been on the show before. Yes, I'm acquainted.

We're acquainted. We're acquainted with each other. I'm Earth buddies. Yes. When he says Earth buddies, do you want to describe your lore to everyone? Don't seem so stinky so soon, Skye. Well, I just happy to see you. old fan.

No, you're, I mean, look, Mr. Tuts, you were fine when you came on. Of course, Tudu, you were fine when you came on, and, do you want to tell Simon and Johanna here where you're from? Yeah, I'm from Kishtopia, man.

Kishtopia? Kish Topia, man. Now, is that South Texas or North Texas? It's not even on this planet, man. Can you fucking get that for a second, man? Just even one second.

Could you even understand that it's not this? No, my God. Kush Topio is an alternate earth, man. It's split off from Earth 55 million years ago, and it's a planet that is mostly made of Kush. Is that why he's got an accent? Because I cannot understand a word he said. I feel like I'm pretty understandable.

You're understandable. You have a sort of a French patois about you. In a way. Wouldn't you agree? Yes, man. I love patois, man. I love the Jamaican island nation, man. But your planet is mostly made of Kush.

Mostly Kush. Yes. Simon, are you a, someone who knows aliens? No, pot, actually, I was going to say. You know, I don't know tons of about pot. I'm just still trying to wrap my mind right. So you're from another planet that's made purely of weed. Mostly.

Oh, mostly. Mostly, I mean, everything, it couldn't all be Kish. No, because you're a train conductor. I'm a train conductor. But a train couldn't be made of Kush. No, how would it work? The train is made of steel. And the train is operates on that planet?

In Kushtopia, yes And it goes all around the planet It goes wherever the people need Right But the tracks have to be laid down Right In Kushtopia there are tracks that are laid But we can lay the tracks where the people

They can lay new tracks Are the tracks made of Kush? No, it wouldn't work No, it's steel still It's steel, you stink you little pig Come on now I mean, it'd be crazy if a train was made of Kush And the tracks were made of Kush

They do run on Kush though Coal? That's just nugs man Doo-Doo! You know what I'm saying? I think so. Give me a high five, man. Yeah. Whosh!

Wow. Yeah, man. And look, the reason that I, you know, I'm so kind of reticent to see you is, you know, since you appeared on the show, and you've been on maybe you're a part of the exclusive three-timers close. Yeah, this is my third freaking time, man. But we've had a lot of people from Kushtopia. I mean, it's been a lot of guests who don't betray the fact that they come from Kushtopia for a long time. And then at the end, they mentioned they're from Kushtopia.

That's out of my control, man. Those are completely different guys. But I mean, these are people like the executioner and some Marty motorcycle. Yeah, he always forgets his motherfucking guys. Yeah, exactly. And they all come on the show and I talked to them for a while. Yes, and they have like completely full realized lives. Sure.

And then they also happen to just be from Cushtopia. Yes. Like Bugs Bunny, you had a good time with him. That's right. He also happened to be from Cushopia. That's right. Yeah, it just happens, man. Yeah.

Uh, uh, uh, what's, what's going on? What's going on? What's happening? Something so specific to tell you, man. What's going on? Oh, gosh, what could it be, man? I just got so happy to see my buddy. I forgot my main point.

Yeah, what's going on? Oh, let me think. What's happening with Mr. Toots these days? Doot, yeah. Hold on. Let me think, man. He says that every time. Oh, man.

Every time his name is. That's so sweet. Yeah. Oh, damn, man. What's going on? I can't freaking remember, man. You can't remember. Hold on. It must not have been important.

No, probably not, man. I wish I made some news for my good friend. He's too high to remember. Oh, man. Hold on. Yeah, is it you're too high on Kush? Yeah, I'm pretty stoned, man. Maybe you're just smoking a little more cush and I'll remember, man. Oh, sure. Yeah, I mean, feel free. There's, uh... Let me do it, man. Oh, Scott, you just let people smoke in your house like a stinky little fucking doggy pig. I don't love it, but I, look, if it's going to help Mr. Toots.

Oh, Matt. Toottoot, by the way. Toot, sorry. That was mid-bong rip, man. I was not mid-bong-ri. I was trying to freaking took it up, and you're trying to pull my rip-cord, man. I apologize. The plane hasn't left.

But has that made you remember what you wanted to say? Do you want to hit this, man? No, I really don't. Anybody else trying to get down, man? You know, well, I will talk a little bit of a talk about. Yeah, it's super strong. I didn't expect. This is from Kushtopia.

This is some Kushtopian. Wow. Yeah, rip that. Oh, Miss Lung's over here. That's crazy. Yeah, you're doing okay, Johanna? I'm fucking how it's the car. Sick.

It's really quick, man. You need anything? Mike calm your nervous energy. Yeah, I'm getting a little nervous. I'll take some, too. Yeah, man. Go ahead. Everybody's freaking toking up, brother?

I need to steer this ship until it. I understand. I understand. Oh, man, maybe, what was I supposed to fucking tell you, man? Yeah, what's going to do? Cushtopia is about... Probably not.

No. Probably not. It's super important. It's probably not. I did recently throw away all my Google homes. You mean your devices? Yeah, I got rid of them all.

Google homes? Is that what I was going to freaking tell you? Like a Google dot or whatever? Simon, you're in a show about tech things. You know about this. Is that like when you mark on the map where your homes are? No, it's just like the thing you say, hey, goo goo.

Google? You say, hey, Google. What's the weather today, man? Google, where's my home? Yeah, I got rid of those, man. Is that what I was going to do? freaking tell you? I doubt that you would come on the show and we would book you on the show because of you throwing away your Google Home. Yeah, like in your pre-interview was he just talking about Google Home. I don't have it. My producer didn't put anything. He didn't even put Mr. Tuts. I would have been prepared for Mr. Rates. Tudu-Toot, of course. You know, but he didn't even put any of the pre-interview information. Oh, man. I'm freaking so sorry that I'm so blazed out. I forgot my main thing, man. It's okay. Was it that I was going to tell you that I've been listening to new music lately? I doubt it. I don't think I would have you on the show.

to hear about new music. I'd love to hear what you're listening to. I've been listening to old stuff. Everything is old stuff because you can't listen to stuff from the future yet. You don't know. Wow. What if your past has been put out? You don't know, Scott.

You don't know. All right, you're right. You're saying that to a train conductor from another planet. Yeah, that's a good point. You don't know. Oh, gosh, could it be? I don't think so. He sees the future first if you think about it.

Sure. Because he's in the driver's seat of the train. Yeah. Look, is it the fact it's 420 today? I didn't realize that. I should have realized that Mr. Oh, my gosh. Is it?

It is 420. Is that what you were going to talk about? Oh, man. It's total 420. That's over where I'm from, man. That's called Cushmyss, man. Oh, it's good, Cushmus. It's big time celebration.

What happens in Cushman? So many things. It's just a big festival, man. Oh, okay. And there's music. There's reggae music that we've imported from Earth. So you have no reggae music? I did not know about reggae until I came to Earth.

man. I'd love to hear a song. Oh my gosh 420. Yeah, what's up? Oh, I just remembered Scott. Oh, okay. Yeah, tell us. What's going on? It's bad man. Oh, no. What's happening? It's really, really bad man. Okay. What's going on? I can't believe I almost forgot. Tell us. Cushtopia's in trouble, man. Okay. Oh, no. Desert Earth-sized Cush meteor headed towards Cushtopia, man. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's going to destroy my whole planet. I totally forgot. Like a Cush-Tobia Armageddon situation? Almost 100% the same. Do you have Armageddon, the movie?

We've seen it. We've seen it. The Earth version or your version? Except everything's mostly coosh. It's a bunch of nugs acting on screen like that old Thumb Wars movie. Where we just superimposed regular mouth over nugs and so it looks like a movie. But I totally forgot the whole world is in danger and it's going to crash on Cushman. Scott, you have to do something.

So wait, this is crashing today, 420? Oh my gosh, if today's 420, then yes, my doom is impending in moments. Okay, well, do you want to get back there or do you want to stay here? I mean, maybe you want to flee. Look, the problem with the meteor? Yeah. It's mostly cush. And that's a problem.

Yes. It's so big. Right. And it's so fast. Right. It's going to plummet and create great extinction. Okay. One would think it might burn up in the atmosphere and then just kind of like,

Everyone who get really high. It's mostly cush. Oh, okay. There's a really extreme magma core of this asteroid. Okay, well, good luck. Good luck, no, Scott. This is one of your favorite places. You have to help me save it.

I hate Cushopia. You like it enough. Look, man, you got so many things in big brains. Yeah. Maybe you could help me figure out how are we going to get rid of it? Wait, are you here on our Earth to recruit an Armageddon-style team to go up on the asteroid to destroy it? I need astronauts, man. I need people.

Look, I've got a ship. Okay. Okay, that's a star. I've got a ship. It's made of glass. It's called the Illadelfth. It's nine millimeters thick. Okay.

It has a percolator bubler at the bottom. It's shaped like a ball. Oh, I don't you know that. Under the meteor. You get under the meteor. The meteor, then it burns up. And then you. You have to incinerate the meteor.

This guy was one of the nerds on Bing Bang Theory. Bing Bang Theory? Bing Bang Theory? Yeah. Mr. I know Mr. Bing Bang. Mr. Bing Bang is someone from Khrushobia. He does all the door noises in Khrushchev. Yes. Wait, so you're saying, hold on, let me think.

Let me smoke real quick. Okay. Yeah, no, take your time. There you go. Okay. Now imagine we were all in that. In that ship. We could have smoked the nug!

Yeah, you smoke the meteor. Scott, yeah. Can you help me smoke the big nug coming for my world? Look, all of our astronauts, are they still up in space? Artemis. In Artemis, they might be back by now. But it's 420, I think. The astronauts have to be, they wanted to come back by 420.

They wanted to be back for 420. It's also, it's Hitler's birthday, too. Yeah, exactly. Oh, does that play? We don't have that. We missed that one over there. Don't want to bring it up again then. You should import that.

But look, I don't know what help I would be necessarily. I mean, am I a natural leader and an alpha dog? Some say, yeah. We need a big dog at the helms. Well, big dog got a bark and maybe I should be out there leading the team. Scott, I'm only catching one or two other words from this guy, but I just want to say to you. You need to help him. You need to be his stinky pig.

You need to go up there. Okay. I mean, yeah, I guess I'll come over to kush. You're coming to the portal? Yeah, okay. Just, Scott, imagine this. Think of you walking in a space suit. Okay.

Looking so cool. Okay. Like Ben Affleck at Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah. Also, he was in the movie Armageddon, which I think is what it's parodying. Scott, they might write the right song about you. Diane Warren might write us, although do you have Diane Warren in Cushopia? People do have Diane.

There is war. Is that why she's never won the Oscar? Because of those two concepts or so... It's so hard to vote. It's hard to vote. It's hard to vote for that. Dian. Dian. Warren.

Yeah. I'm dying. I'm Maury. Come on, Scott. Okay. Do you want all of your favorite guys to die? Kutert's or supercomputer? I forgot about the computer. Cooter?

The supercomputer. Look, I don't like Kushtopia. that much and I don't like the concept of it and any time it's brought up on this show, I kind of abhor it, but at the same time, I hate to hear... I think the people love it, man. I'm still stuck on...

I think you said mouth over nugs at one point. Like, when you're talking about the way that the way Armageddon, the movie is all like nugs, mouths over nugs. Okay, I can break it down, man. It's totally simple. Well, I wasn't asking for more, I'm just... Oh, why bring it up?

You're just thinking about it? I am. You have more. I'd like to hear some more. Well, I was just going to sort of continue to break down how it work. It's like superimposed images of real mouths overnugs that are sort of puppeteered on sets that look like real things. Have you seen Thumb Wars? Yeah, I know, no, I can.

Where's the confusion? No, I'm not. So why don't know why? I'm just thinking about it. Have you seen Thumb Wars, Simon? Okay, yes. I just, it's more of the, the visceral feeling I get when I hear mouths overnugs. And you like thumbwows.

Really good. Love Thumb Wars. Okay. Really cool. We got them on record. Good. Thank you, man. No problem.

I'm glad you're thinking about it. It's making you happy. All those things, I'm thinking and I'm feeling good. Yeah, thank you for being. The best thing that you can be is thought about. Mm-hmm. And the movie cameras. That is so beautiful.

I would put that on a pillow. I would put that on a lot. You should put that on those. You're being high? These pillows you're thinking of are actually more marketable. I've got a good one. Thank you. And can I have a sip that water bottle you, take a little?

Okay. Maybe I was wrong. we almost squeezed it out of it. Yeah, almost. Maybe a couple more talks and there's no more bigs. Do you have anyone else in mind for the team? I know Bugs Bunny, when he was here, he was trying to recruit a team for like a Christopia space jam.

Bugs Bunny was here. I'm happy to hear you say the word space jam because when Bugs was here, I was not sure. If I knew where it was. Have you known a space jam? I watched it on Scott hasn't seen. Yeah, don't worry about it. After the fact?

Can't remember. But, but, but, uh, uh, when you saved, you saved Christopheye. Copia once, Scott. You went to... I don't remember this. Scott, you saved Cushtopia. You got together the best sketch comedy team ever and you made good sketches. In the space jams.

Yes, you... Yeah, I think Tim Bals was involved. Okay. Yes. But look, you need a team. I'm afraid that hidden figures women are no longer with us. Didn't one just pass away recently? That sounds right.

Oh, that's sad. We need a leader. You need a numbers guy. Okay. We need lungs? Lungs? What does lungs mean? That's the man who smoked.

Okay. Simon, which of these are you? Are you the numbers guy? Yeah, I'll guess I'm right. You're a number guy. It feels like that's the type of place. We need fire. We need some,

we need a combustible. What about Chip? What's Chip up to? We could get Chip out of that concrete, no problem. Yeah, could we set him on fire? We could put him into a cannon. He has been on fire so many times. Yeah.

The firemen don't come anymore. They just don't come. They just say, you guys deal with it. He sounds like a perfect team to me, man. Okay, and you're the lungs. Happily. I can suck so much. Okay.

This is exactly what we need. Scott, we need that power. You need to be the leader. You need to be like Liv Tyler and Lord of the Rings. Okay. Not Live Tyler and Armageddon who just kind of...

What? Gave moral support to Ben Affleck. You mean the guy from Dunkin' Donuts? You mean the guy who has a brother? A lot of people have brothers. You're going to have to be more specific. I mean, they're numbers. Do they crunch?

Yeah, do they crunch, Simon? They crunch. Yeah. But he said he didn't want to be top cast. It's not impossible to smoke the nug before it hits and ruins the Kushmas special. If we approach it just right. If the numbers line up, then it should work. Look, if the 420 Cushman celebration doesn't get to happen and my world is destroyed, what is left?

A tragedy, I guess. What do you mean? What is that? I'm crying. It's like I'm actually asking like a philosophical question that I don't have the answer to. It's a great tragedy. I mean, it's what happened to the dinosaurs when the. the meteor.

I don't want to be like a dinosaur. Scott, you need to take a hit because you are not there with us and we are. Just smoke up, man. Stop putting in him in a... Okay, fine, I'll take a hit. That was so small. He's ripping it fat, man. Now he's, now, there he goes.

Oh, Jesus Christ. God, this is strong. It's really good strain, man. It's good for Kistopia, which means it's even... This is the strongest pot I've ever had. Yeah, this strain's called Inside a... out your head, man. Oh, shit. Oh, no, I'm seeing all the characters from inside

out. Oh, my God. Yeah. Aubrey Plaza. Amy Paula. Mindy Kaling for one movie. Phyllis from the office. Yeah. Isn't it funny how she was a casting director that she got put in the arms? You're so funny. That's the fucking dream.

That is the dream. Oh, my God, man. All right, well, what are we even saying, man? I don't know, man. What are we going to do? fucking talking about. I don't know. I want to make you Texas tacos.

I want to make you a whole platter. You have tacos with you? The butter tacos? I've got so much butter in my purse. I'm going to make you all. Oh, your purse is dripping. I'm going to make y'all a bunch of butter tacos. Yeah.

And you have any of the double raw milk? The one that was... The diarrhea, formerly diarrhea. Then it's diarrhea, then it's milk again. The rar milk. Yeah, I've got some heating up in the car. I'll bring in. Oh, good.

Oh, wait. No, the freaking Astero. right, man. Oh, fuck. They're being so chill and baked. I don't think I can do any of that. No, man. Wait, Simon, are the numbers still lining up? Are they touched? They're not looking as good as they were before. Wait, whoa, wait. Oh, okay,

no, they're crunching again. They're crunching again? They're crunching again. Okay, we could do this then. Are you gonna save a sky? Are you gonna stop that rock save Cush to-eatia? It's mostly made of good. All right, all right. I don't want to lose my world.

You have more? Great. We got a token plays. I'm noticing about four paragraphs. To save Cushopia. Look, I've never. They write those songs about you, man. I've never cared for Cushtopia, but I'm in, man.

We got to do this, guys. Are we in? Call up Chip. Get him out of the cement. I'm calling Chip. Four way, high five on three. One, two, three. What's out?

All right. We're all going to get there. How do we get to the portal again? Well, the porter is open. I call my warlock. and then we go through the portal. Right. And then we'll have to take a spaceship from Crestopia up into space into the asteroid.

Okay. Cool. I'm going to warn you guys right now. I'll get a little space sick. Okay. Are you been to space? Oh, yeah. I went with Jeff Bezos and all those ladies.

Oh, yeah, with Katie Perry and everyone? What was up with that flower? What was up with Katie Perry holding that flower? Yeah, what was up with that? She was just being funny and silly. She was just being funny and silly. She's so funny and silly and rich. All right.

Well, let's do it all. Yeah. What time? I'm eternally grateful for you, Scott. What time is the asteroid supposed to hit? 420 on the dot, man. 420 on the dot. Come on.

Come on. Bannan-na-na-na-na-na-na-man. All right. Can we get through the rest of the show? Is that all right? Yeah. I mean, if you're promised to help me, man, I'll fucking riff up and fucking joke off, man. I absolutely promise.

I'm not going to, when I sober up, I'm not going to renege on the promise. Okay. Okay. All right. That's really cool. All right. Well, let's, you know, we're running out of time. And even though we're high as fuck, there really is only time for one final feature on the show.

That's a little something called plugs. I want to plug you sometimes. Oh, this rules. Oh, that sounds so good. I can feel it in my toes. Oh, yeah, that was awesome. That was Live, Laugh Plug by Kev Mealy. Talk about it, come, and go.

Oh. Did you have an orgasm during that? Did I? Oh, God, I'm all wet. Oh, no, that's the butter from your purse. The raw milk. I'm sorry. Okay, yeah.

All right, what are we plugging, guys? Simon, obviously, we're going to Cushtopia to save. Yeah. And the numbers are lining up and crunching and... Yeah, everything's crunch. The data is sound. The data is sound. Okay, but then you had a show or something, right?

Yes, I have a show called The Audacity. I'm going to... And I have the audacity to plug... The audacity on AMC and AMC Plus. Yeah, and if you're, two episodes are already out, and you can watch them both on AMC Plus, and while you're there, you could watch your episode of Comedy Bang Bang, which is only on AMC Plus for some reason. Fantastic.

Well, you only want to be on AMC Plus. Very specific streaming service. Yeah. But it's great. It's on AMC on Sunday nights, fantastic cast, and great stories. And anything else going on that you want to put? plug? That's at the top of the list now. Yeah, that's shot up to the top. Happy to get that out there.

All right. And Joe Hannagoines, anything you want to plug? Well, you know, I want to plug my husband chip. Yeah. I want to plug him up real good. I want to plug Sagmilla Farms. We are doing a new thing where we're putting smoothies in people's heads. Like implanting them like a chip or something? So it's like a computer. chip that makes you feel like you just had a smoothie? Exactly. Oh, that rules.

It's a nice alternative to a GLP1. Okay. It just makes you feel like you had a smoothie. That's rules. That's so awesome. And obviously we're doing raw dog milk. Uh-huh. And then I'd like to plug CBB World Scott.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that place. I listen to it a couple times. Yeah. It was okay. Oh, great. Are there shows on there that you like? This book Changed My Love.

Hey, Randy. Yeah. It's going deep. Yeah, all the, yeah. And the other ones are good, too. Oh, that's so good, yeah. All right, everyone should listen to those. Okay, Mr. Toots.

A to-da-da! What do you want to plug? Oh, man, just remember friendship is key, and getting together with friends is really key. And being buddies is key. Totally, totally. And that sort of energy can, like, push you through. Hell, yeah.

Oh, also, pay attention to the big 420 Cushmas Christmas, the big 420 Christmas special coming out on TBB World. Oh, that's not a time. out today? You better believe it, baby. And what is it? It's called Mr. Duce Wildride and the train a dude. It's going all over Cushtopia so you get to see it, man. And it's a special 420 release. Is that right? It's what I'm being told. All right. Awesome. Well, look, I want to plug, hey, Comedy Bang Bang. We're going out on tour. The Ground Beefing Tour, 2026 is starting next week. So a week from today is when it starts. We're going to so many places. And this is just the first

half of the tour that we've announced, but this is the, we're going to the Midwest and then to the South and then to the East Coast. So a lot of places you're going to want to get tickets because it starts next week.

No, it doesn't start next week. What am I talking about? It starts next month. You're all fucked up in the hang. I'm so fucked up. You're so hot. You're fucking drilled, man. Fuck, dude, it starts in May,

not in April. What am I thinking? Crazy. Scott, boot down the nail gun, please. You're looking like a chip. Oh, shit. Really good. It starts in a month.

Anyway, get tickets for it. They're all at CBBWorld.com slash tour. And you can, Paul F. Tompkins and I are going to every date and it's a group of rotating the CBB All-Stars, even though Lily Sullivan will not be there this year. That was my request. Now, why in the fuck would she not be there? I don't know. I know.

She's got weird shit going on in her personal life, but she can't come. So sorry to hear that. Yeah. But go get tickets. And while you're there, check out CBB World. There's so many great shows, the entire archive of Comedy Bang Bang Ad, free as well as every live episode we've ever done, as well as other shows like the aforementioned Hey Randy in this book and College Town Neighborhood List and so much stuff going on over there.

All right, let us close up the old plug bag. I want to close the bag, baby, step on in. I want to close it tight. You know the way to win. I want to close that bag. I want to make it right. So just close that bag. Hold those lanyards tight.

in the bag, you've had an open wide, because open in the bag you've got no place to hide. Put things in it, because it's so open fast, and if you don't want that kiss, sweet chat's ass. That's how we open the bag, and everybody sings,

open the bag with a wringling and now you know, All right. That was great. That was closing the bag, Lapcus Duwop, by Dr. FartDart. I thought it was really good, and then I had to say all of that. And I don't like it anymore. But thank you so much. If you have a plug theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. You can upload them there and find everything you need for the remixes. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Simon, welcome to the one-timers club, buddy. Thank you. I hope you never leave.

I'll never see you again. Although we are going to go somewhere together very soon. That's true. Johanna, wonderful to have you on this show. You know, let me just say, it was like eating a rooster being here. It was absolutely, I was kicking my boots into my own ass. Oh, wow. It was such a fun time.

Thank you. Okay, and then Mr. Toots. Here we go. What do we got to do? You're calling your Warlock or what's happening? Let's get into this bottle, man. I got to say, you know what? I don't know that I have time for this, actually.

Are you going to save a sky? Are you going to stalk the rock save Christo? I'm actually having second thoughts about this because we can't... We can't start another thread that we have to follow up on in future episodes, like the crisis and like the... Oh, sorry, you're overworked, man. The covenant of the Tonys. Oh, yeah, I'm not trying to stress you out, buddy.

My bad. I'm just saying like... Come on, Scott. I feel like I'm sobering up. I don't know that I have time. You know, if you're not going to save Kushtopia, then I will. And I'll do it with all of my friends. Bunbuster Berryball, Scooter, the supercomputer, Marty Motorcycle, R.J. Dougley, the executioner.

Mr. Toots again. Bugs Bunny, rusty, hot guys, stuff referred to Mr. Toots at third time. Okay, you guys can do this, right? I think we got it. Okay, great. Portal open. Oh, my God. Is that a Pete?

Oh, my God, he went through the portal. Oh, this is amazing. It's so quiet. It's so quiet now. Mr. Toots is no longer with us. You can say Mr. Toots without Toottoot. Oh, he's not. Okay, he's been back in.

All right. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye.