Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Live from The Paramount Theatre, Austin TX 08/06/022 w/ Paul F. Tompkins, Carl Tart, Dan Lippert

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

A live b-b-b-bonus-s-s-s ep?! From The Paramount Theatre in Austin TX, Scott welcomes to the stage Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, M.C. Sugarbutt, and Todd Padre! Visit https://www.comedybangbangworld.com for access to all shows from the CB!B! 13th Anniversary Tour!

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here and you are about to hear a very special live episode of Comedy Bang Bang recorded last month at the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas. This is one of the 23 shows that we did in August on our 13th anniversary Oh No Tour and we wanted to give you a little taste of what the tour was like because if you are into this every single one of our 23 live episodes as well as every other live episode are available at comedybangbangworld.com or cbbworld.com so you can hear the entire tour all 23 episodes you can sign up for a month in our Maximus Plan listen to them all and then dip out I don't care it would hurt my feelings really greatly and I would be very very upset but I don't

care I don't care but anyway enjoy this is a great episode I think you're gonna enjoy it this is live from the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas Is Austin, Texas What a welcome my gosh Although wasn't wasn't someone saying boo the entire time why is it I only hear that Austin, Texas so great to be here in the paramount theater love it love it here I hear a little feedback anyone hearing that little just a little hum

Oh, no, it's just some guy going Still hearing it Guys so wonderful to be here in one of my favorite towns in the United States of a Austin, Texas I Believe approximately 12 or 13 years or so ago. I started the comedy at South by Southwest here. So this is It's wonderful to be back. I love this theater. I've seen so many great movies here And the one with the train going towards the audience scared the fucking shit out of me Ah

Right here Interesting um, oh I forgot hey, hey, hey, I forgot to do this last night. Here we go Let's get a catchphrase going open that app Open that app Uh Jupiter Neptune and Saturn they give me no glee Uranus is the only true gas giant for me. Welcome to comedy bang bang See someone shaking their head right there

Does not approve. Uh, thank you to call waiting for gado for that wonderful catchphrase submission Catchphrase super star We have an exciting show for you tonight. Uh, let me ask by Round of applause. Let's do it tonight. Who here has no idea what the fuck this is or why they're here Enjoy your evening Because that catchphrase that's pretty much it Um comedy bang bang is uh You know the last time we toured it was

We were sort of calling it the show where we talked to interesting people We're not doing that anymore. Um Interesting people will come out here. We will talk to them, but I found it reductive. I think uh We were calling it america's podcast and then I realized You know, we're going to canada and and and other places. So that was reductive. So I think uh Uh humanities podcast Is what it became Uh, now we're changing into humanities podcast and the animal kingdoms podcast

So In any case what you're going to see here is uh, I'm a host. It's sort of like a talk show Uh, I'm a host. We're going to bring some guests out here. We're going to talk to them And we're going to have interesting conversations and we have some great guests tonight Coming up a little bit later. We have a musician Very exciting We have an actor Okay

Uh, and I believe we have uh, well, I don't want to spoil who our first guess will be we'll get to that in a second But before we get to that Are you guys ready? For the most exciting two minutes of Your entire fucking lives Because it's time for what I call the balcony report No, no, no, no, no, no, I hear you up in the balconies getting very excited

This is not your time to shine I'm not here to say hello to you I'm not here to give you a wave or shout you out at all The balcony report is merely an opportunity for me To relay to the audience how many balconies are in this venue Oh, I know Hold on to your butts and glasses Because I am pleased to report that the paramount theater in austin, texas has two balconies

Oh What a hi I'm coming down from that. Oh my god Wow, I'm still hearing it by the way, maybe it never goes away Please please don't torment me Well, we have a great show for you tonight. Uh, are you guys ready to get this started because I'm ready Yeah I'm gonna rearrange the microphones here Okay

Good Let's get to our first guest He's in the aviation industry He is a pilot who Famously landed a plane somewhere where it shouldn't have been. Please welcome. Chelsea sully sullenberger You Chesley, thank you. Thank you scott. Chesley is what I meant to say. What did you say earlier at chelsea chelsea?

That's all right, but you must be used to that. It's an unusual name and of course people have Given many different variations on it the most popular being chelsea What other variations are the one of the unpopular ones one time I got jingle In what situation did that happen was it getting coffee or yes, I was getting I was getting coffee at the airport and I gave my name at the counter of course chesley and I stood there for quite a long time almost missed a flight waiting to hear my name called

And then somebody screamed where the hell is chingle And the gentleman behind the counter looked at me and said chingle come on man You're ruining my day He said I was ruining his day You know you talk about walking through the airport and and you know almost missing your flights You must be a celebrity in the airport. So you must be walking around given like did you hear my chingle story? So this was post This is post the this was post the miracle on the Hudson miracle on the Hudson, which I do not call a miracle

it was training and Competency that landed that plane that day and saved all the souls inside Yeah, thank you. Thank you Thank you How many souls were inside? You know, I honestly can't remember. It was a full flight So a lot of middle seats a lot of middle seats I always feel bad for them, you know, we have a little camera where we can see people get on the plane

You do like a candid camera like a ring cam. Yeah, like a ring cam. Yeah When we watch the middle seat people and how unhappy they are And my heart goes out to them, of course. I have the best seat on the plane. I like to say yeah Or I did like to say I'm I'm no longer an active Uh airline pilot, of course, I've retired. I did not know that Yes Why well when they were going to make the movie sully starring tom hanks I thought I had a pretty good shot at the role. So I immediately retired

They did let me audition and you can imagine how humiliating it was that I Did not meet the criteria to portray myself on screen I have to ask Should I call you chesley or or sully is what everyone calls me sully. Everyone calls you sully, uh, which except for my mother What what does she call you jingle? Hmm That's a tough bill to swallow

It is I mean my mother was a gentle soul. I miss her dearly. I'm assuming she's dead and um And uh You know to hear a barista yelling jingle you're ruining everything. Um, you know that really that coming to the quick What I have to ask sully, what did you do for your audition? I Prepare two monologues a comedic and a dramatic Did you do 16 bars of a music of a song? Yes, I did

I sang a what a beautiful morning Just in case just in case that you know, maybe it was a musical they stopped me singing immediately I opened with that and um, they said that's not necessary um and then I did a monologue from danie and the deep blue sea and uh For my comedic, um, I did um What did I do? I think it was most of an episode of uh new heart

It's a long monologue. Yeah, I played all the characters. I mean it wasn't the entire episode Was it the the beginning half or the the back half? It was the beginning half. I hummed the theme song as well I described the various things we were seeing as the theme song played What were they? I don't remember. How did that go? Well, there's of course it took place at an inn in vermont and you would see You know the inn you'd see beautiful, um Footage of vermont b-roll they call it. I learned that Uh as I was struggling for the term someone mercifully

Told me it's called b-roll And uh, and then you see the stars of the show, um, bob new heart and uh, mary fran Peter scolari. Well, he was later originally was steven campman. Um, but I decided to go he only lasted uh one season I believe so I decided to go with the more recognizable names. Peter scolari, julia duffy tom poston Well, they there were the ones in the main credits. What about uh, William sanderson, I don't believe he was in the main credits He was a frequent guest star, but he was not a series regular

Nor were his brothers darrell and his other brother darrell That was my question, obviously, obviously So How did you read you hadn't gotten the part or or I was told immediately immediately. Yes And I said can I still do my denny and z plus c? And the answer was no But my parking was validated and uh, I was given a free bottle of water So all in all not a bad day

It's interesting when you park on the land you need to get validated, but when you park on the sea you're a hero I understand what you're trying to do I appreciate that But we call it landing Not parking But why didn't you call it seeing Because you when you're landing you're on the land

Because we call it a water landing and it's very unlikely Not on that day on that day was 100 percent certain But you understand that when you take a flight usually they'll say in the unlikely event of a water landing We don't call it a seeing you know what I like is when you're watching the safety video Which I hope you do intently. Of course even if you're an experienced flyer And and the uh, the masks are are falling down from the little compartment above you. They're dropping. They're not falling down It's on purpose gravity takes us all Too true scott

so they're dropping down and I assume this would be a very tense situation in the plane It is but in every safety video everyone has to act like it's the most natural Fun thing to ever happen. That's to put everyone at ease What's funny is the the most tense thing that can happen during any flight is not for the The masks the oxygen to mask to drop down And a lot of people don't realize this the most

tense moment of any flight Is when the instruction on the seatbelts is given and the phrase low and tight across your lap is uttered It is unconsciously sexual and Everyone feels it And there is a moment there where we decide whether or not we're going to continue with society Or whether we will engage in a caligula like orgy on the plane In all my experience people have aired on the side of good Never happened in the caligula style. I've heard tell of it happening, but that might just be flight school

hygiene So wow you gave it all up and then tom hanks, I mean Look, he's a great actor. He's won the academy award twice a terrific actor two-time academy award winner as you say um Has he been ever nominated again or were people like what the hell were we doing? I don't know Why would they be you just conceded that he is a very good actor? I don't know why the academy would suddenly say what the hell were we doing Don't you agree though? I think it should be one and done when it comes to those things. Yeah, yes

Give some other people chances because you know what I mean if if look if everyone knew that tom hanks would never win another award He would never get cast in anything and maybe you could have been cast in that part. That's right That's also why I've never landed another plane on the Hudson give somebody else to try That day Let's talk about that faithful day that faithful day with all those souls on that plane. Hey, thanks for bringing it up I I never really get to talk about it I I'm surprised more people haven't been interested really so you go over to parties

I go over to parties constantly How many parties a guy like you go to I go to four parties a week Always I get invited to seven Who's having these monday parties? Some very carefree people that I know. They have a standing monday party Rotating guest list. I am the only person who's been invited to every single monday and I go to every other one So you go to parties and people are just like hey celly and this never comes up with anyone I think it's like, you know being a very beautiful woman where you assume you don't have a shot and

Uh People think he doesn't want to talk about that and they're right. I don't oh you don't want to talk about it Well, I was just I was watching that movie When it came out I thought it was so interesting because the the actual event only took place over the course of 17 minutes or so Yes, and but it's a two hour movie. That's right and obviously The first hour was boarding and preboarding. Yes Calling the various groups Some people they have too many things they have to check one

There was all the confusion of you know, the wait, I'm b58. Oh wait. No, I'm standing in a 58 that southwest airlines Oh, this wasn't southwest. This was united airlines. This was united. Yes We don't have that system I beg your apologies granted So, uh, uh, but but how did they fill up the rest of the film? I'm not really remembering was it was there like a trial afterwards of like Hey, sully. Why did you do that? There was a trial, uh People thought I was hotdogging. Um

Some people thought I was trying to impress a girl Uh, was there a girl out there on the Hudson who there there was not? I mean, obviously Uh, when you're a pilot you do hear a lot of tales of sirens who will uh lower planes to the to the sea Uh, it's really any Any large craft can be distracted by sirens Um, and you would think being high up in the sky you wouldn't even hear the siren song But it is supernatural in nature. So of course Uh, it's a danger to all pilots and co-pilots for that better not navigators interestingly enough

Nor nor the rest of the flight crew So you're saying that's not what happened. That is not what happened But there was a, uh, you know, there's a moment during the trial Trial scene where, uh, the character of sully not played by me. Um Um The judge the the aviation judge says mr. Sullivan and he's mr. Sullivan and I you know the character cracks him sullenberger um Mr. sullenberger

What exactly did you think you were doing up there? It's a very, uh, I wish I could do voices But you have to trust me that he sounded very angry Right. Yeah, could you do you want to give it a try? I'll try it. Yeah, mr. Sullivan sullenberger Mr. sullenberger What did you think you were doing up there? That's very good Thank you so much. And then the character of sully closes his eyes And he imagines all sorts of scenarios, uh, that take place in the in the blink of an eye

Like a last temptation of christ kind of thing. It's precisely Yes In one of them he is doing loop-to-loops just for fun In one of them he clambers onto the outside of the plane converts it into a submarine In one of them he drops a tab of uh lsd and uh just freaks out um A siren scenario was uh Was uh depicted and uh in one he does have sex with mary magdalene in the cockpit

Cuts to her pregnant in another plane. I thought that was a questionable choice. I don't know why Are they implying the train the plane traveled through time? I don't I didn't understand that right weird movie. It's a very weird movie Dads love it You go over for father's day. It's a sure bet someone's gonna say hey, let's turn on sully Thanksgiving I mean tom hanks really is uh doing a service to the dads of america Bridge of spies sully, I mean He's really turning them out making movies for topics they care about that's right. He loves world war two and space Wait a minute

This is a good idea world war two in space Scott how would that happen? I mean you'd have to have world war one in space first why do Do you think in world war two they retraced their steps for world war one Fought in all the exact same places Wouldn't that be cool though if like nazis had like spaceships would that be cool?

Very curious phrase wouldn't it be cool if nazis had spaceships Has this show changed since the last time I was here As a boy, are you feeling a bunch of pride lately? I just think it would be cool of like, you know, we don't really know where hitler went to we do he went into the ground It would be funny if you like came back like The big rocket ship would be funny blast away at people this Scott i'm concerned for you It would be funny if hitler came back on a rocket ship blasting away at people

I beg of you to reconsider The thoughts that you're having think of the words that you're saying it's an interesting visual Do you understand the words that are coming out of your mouth? You have such an interesting even tempered voice. Thank you You mentioned you sang. Oh, what a beautiful morning. Yes. Do you I mean, you can you sing really? Uh, I can carry a tune. I suppose I wouldn't call myself, uh, a luciano paviratti Here let me give you a song sure Safe flight repair

Safe flight replace all right Safe flight repair safe life replace Pretty good. I mean I've seen that commercial a thousand times. That's a real earworm for me So What am I doing here in austin? Yeah, yes Scott i'm glad you prompted me to ask you to ask me I'm getting into the restaurant business The devil you say

It's true Restaurant tour Hopefully we'll see chesley sully sullenberger. Yes, chef. Yes. Yes. Yes, chel. Yes, chef Yes, chess. No No, scott What kind of restaurant would a Obviously would be aviation themed I hope yes the the restaurant itself would be shaped like a jumbo jet You get on there and uh, you know someone greets you they're wearing a

an aviation uniform And they say, uh, show me your ticket Well that until the cat part I was like You were like what Just didn't know how that was gonna go It's a very brief window of time in which you could have that thought It's almost like something out of the movie sully. Yes chef and

So you mime showing them a ticket. Oh, you have to mind you don't get a ticket when you come in. No, that just seemed wasteful Um, it's a restaurant. Do people's mime skills have to be like at a certain level? I have rudimentary I would suppose Okay basic Like but you can't just like Go like this You have to be using your your thumb and you have to pretend you're holding something. Right. Yeah, so so basic

The the gesture that you indicated It's very hard to describe. It's just holding your Splayed hand out and waving it in a circle Yeah, that's not miming That's what I'm saying. Yes, you won't just take anyone. I guess you have to your your skill your mime skill level depends on Do you know what miming is? If someone were to do this you would turn them away with extreme Okay, so they they come in they've shown this person the ticket. Yes, then someone dressed as a

A serve what do they call them these days? It was a stewardess when I first started working as a pilot and then became flight attendant. Yes, sorry So the flight attendant will show them to their table, which of course is two airline seats on the plane side by side and The flight attendant will flip the trays down for them From the chairs in front of them or there are chairs from the chairs in front of them We we thought about doing first-class seats, but we thought that's going to take up too much room and Unnecessarily divide the diners so they're all coach seats

How many seats does the restaurant Have well as a jumbo so it has two tiers Yes, and we can fit I almost said comfortably but we could fit We could fit 250 people Wow. Yes, that's a big restaurant. It's a big restaurant Well, I mean there are restaurants that size aren't there that could fit 250 people

Well, if you look at a four-top, that's four people, right? Correct. It's like 60 tables 60 times four is 240. Yeah 62 tables and a half A one-top A two-top two-top I guess there are restaurants that big. I mean in your you know, plaza hotels and the like So you're expecting a lot of business. Well, yes, because when they hear they can always get a reservation

Walk-ins are welcome naturally You still have to mind the ticket though, right? And then the the cuisine served will be of course airline food Which to from my money is the best cuisine in the world Do you guys get airline? I know you're not a pilot anymore, but when you were I do have it delivered though From the does the airplane land in front of your house it's um It's uber eats sky And uh a little gyrocopter will uh a guy in a gyrocopter will bring you food from the airplane

The gyrocopters are cute aren't they they're adorable. They're the most precious uh of the air air air worthy vehicles They're so fun. They're like two big bug eyes. Yes And like a big bug tail. I mean they look like a bug. They look like bugs. Yeah, and of course they couldn't be more lethal Uh, if you if you flying one for long enough you are certain to die What where do people they're the motorcycles of the sky But they're so cute motorcycles are not cute like the gyros no motorcycles are threatening uh as our most land conveyances As you know, I don't care for them Cars buses trucks jeeps, you know, we talked to your brother

On the show a while back. I don't have a brother Maybe he was from an alternate dimension Berge another dimension another dimension another dimension another dimension another dimension Never mind so, uh airline food, uh And served in airline portions And of course the the flight attendant when the people are settled in their seat The flight attendant will ask them, uh, have you died with us before? Uh, we do things a little differently here

You order off the menu and we bring you that thing Right Every other place is doing tapas these days. Yes Small plates small plates. I get it great for sharing great for sharing I'd recommend that for the bill five of these and four of these Yeah And they all cost the exact same thing is like when you go into a regular place the thing about Tapas that really bothers me as it forces you to

Be in a position of a week and a helpless child asking will this be enough will this be enough And then the the server is forced in a position of mommy saying if you're hungry we can give you more It's very infantilizing and uh, you're not going to get that in my restaurant No Are there are there seats near the exits? There are seats near the exits. Yes always. Do you need a verbal yes that Yes, we go through that whole thing And but the question is a little different, uh, the flight attendant will ask, uh

If you sit in the seat, do you agree to have a great time tonight? Does anyone ever say no They do but then uh, the server says come on just play along So can I ask what is this place called? sully's crash pad Now I know what you're thinking This you know what I'm thinking I debated using the word crash Because that's not a word that I associate with sully sullenberger. No, and it's certainly not a word you want to associate with any pilot

uh, but Any landing that you can walk away from is a good landing and um, the plane is permanently grounded It's not a real plane anyway, so uh, oh, it's it's not it's it's constructed to look like a plane And also has a a jet engine And could be it could take off at any moment So it is air worthy It is air worthy and there will be a flight crew in the cockpit of the restaurant And if I give them this signal they will begin taxiing and then

Take off I I my dream is to have the restaurant situated on a very long strip of highway So that if they need to they can't take off. Why would they why would they need to take off? Scott there are some things I I I'm not sure that I'm privy to tell you Did that sound right that sentence? No, I'm privy to tell you. No, you're not loud. I'm not a liberty. It's liberty. That's what we're that's what we're Liberty such a great word Agreed

You do you know that song that has it in the Liberty liberty liberty Oh, yeah, of course I've seen that commercial a million times can't get it on my head liberty liberty liberty What about what about the guy going liberty liberty? I forgot about it You know who I like is that emu from the liberty mutual commercial although that that other emu

is Trying to steal his thunder the one that's always fucking with the camera and Immanuel But you know I read recently there's another emu that that saved someone's life This is Someone's Instagram story. I don't recall all the details and I I rather wish I hadn't brought it up I can do some further research on that after my segment has concluded so I can update you all on this heroic flightless bird Obviously flightless birds are my favorite because they will not interfere with the jet engines

Is it only because obviously famously the one that got into your infamously infamously I beg your pardon was the the goose the goose the goose was loose The goose was loosened into uh many many pieces um The the goose's structural integrity had completely broken down courtesy of a jet engine which it should have known better than to fly into Um unless of course it had a thirst for human death But that goose was thwarted that day

Is it any small consolation that at least the goose is dead? Of course it is But only the smallest of consolations because so many geese yet roamed the earth But with my restaurant, I aim to Take that number down by a few we are going to be the first exclusive goose restaurant We will serve nothing but goose dishes Goose every which way you can imagine And whose responsibility is it to catch these geese? That's not something you can just go to the market and buy

Well, actually you can't go to the market and buy a goose, but uh, that's not enough for me. Um, and I do have Uh a cadre of uh, the specialist This is their one mission and it's also their one joy in life is to destroy geese to bring them down and to uh Bring them to me so that I may cook them and serve them at my restaurant Are they killing the geese before they get to you or are they bringing them a lot? Are you like dead or alive? Whatever dead or alive? Yes. Uh, if they do bring a live goose, I will kill it Um, we will go into the octagon and it'll just be me and the goose so I'll

I will strip to the waist the goose has a fair chance But I what I like to say is uh, we're fighting on my terms now Couldn't the goose just fly away or not in the octagon? No Hmm There's a roof on it You have a roof on your octagon, of course for for just such an occasion It's nice. It's pretty nice octagon Where'd you get it? Can I do you mind me asking? Uh, you know, it was a prefab. It's one of those kits. Yeah

But the roof was my idea Have you ever had goose chili? I can't say that I have come to sell these crash pad Um Have you ever had a PB and G? Wow what a menu Basically, it's any food you can think of but with goose Well, this is exciting, uh, and when when's the opening? Uh, the opening hopefully will be next month

I just need investors I It seems a little like the timetable is a little too compressed I don't think so because once I get the investors, which should be the easiest part Then I will build the plane Hire the staff Um, you know ground up all the geese Have you hired the staff of the the goose killers? Oh, yes, that team is still working. Oh, yes

Yeah, are they on your dime at this point? Yes, they are and happily so It is my great pleasure to know that there are geese being slaughtered This time it's personal It never wasn't Scott Well, good luck to you sully. I mean, uh, I don't I I don't know that I can invest. Uh, maybe someone in this crowd is willing to invest I mean It sounds like four people are willing to invest I'm well on my way. How much money do you need for this functional airplane? A half a billion dollars

Sully sullenberger everyone Sully sullenberger Stay right where you are sully, I will Very exciting to have our next guest here, uh, how do you feel about music and musicians in general? Can I answer as well? Yes, please answer love it Well, our next guest is a hip-hop pioneer Is it Cal Solomon? Founding member of the sugar hill gang

You know about Cal Solomon. He's one of my favorites. You like Cal Solomon. I do He's it is unfortunately not him. All right He's one of the original hip hoppers with that real hip hop, please welcome to the stage mc sugar butts I Said Get on up and get old down Sugar butt is in your town Now you are you and me is me. Hello everybody sullen Scotty D

We at austin t M.c sugar butt, great to see you. There's a piece of wood on the stage. You want to get rid of it What do you want to do? I'm gonna throw it in the audience Please don't hopefully hit somebody in the eye I Nice harm I put a little baseball in the 80s when I eat my country fried steak. I like it with gravy M.c sugar butt just to Let everyone know who is unfamiliar with you your story. Who is that? Who is that stand up? Don't shit chat

I Don't think we need you to stand up if you don't know who mc sugar butt is but or shit or chat Shit shat shawley wap Some of the time you you do about half and then you just quit Well, if they don't know me why should I finish? No, that's a good point. Shit shat shawley wap Oh, my head is a baseball cap Gentlemen so sorry to interrupt. Let me know when you're ready to hear the emu story What do you say mc sugar butt are you ready to hear this emu story or do we need to get your backstory out?

Well, my best friend Kruger's name is Freddy about this emu story. I am ready Date line London England has two new unexpected celebrities a 42 year old chef and a massive emu who in it Who inadvertently teamed up to help catch a driver who fled a crash scene? After narrowly missing pedestrians and causing extensive damage Dean wanes dean wade said he heard a loud screeching noise near his workplace in wilshire southwest england On monday and raced out to see a jeep careening before smashing into the front of an empty shop

In an interview with the washington post on wednesday wade who has been working at the old bell hotel In malmsbury for only two weeks said he could see the driver who appeared drunk was getting ready to back away from the scene A female passenger had left the vehicle There's no way you're going anywhere wade told the man Who he said was swaying and staggering all over the place He said the man was determined to escape heading off on foot though unable to run fast due to his physical state Wearing his slip resistant rubber kitchen clogs and chef's overalls wade chased the driver for 15 to 20 minutes

Through bushes a lot missing gardens before the pair ended up at an animal sanctuary This was when the real confrontation began I could see this massive emu wade said i'm six foot tall and it was bigger than me Wade said he could tell the bird which was surrounded by its offspring Was likely to spring into defense if anyone intruded on its enclosure Mate don't go in there wade warned the man Who he said ignored his advice replying? I can fight crime

Sorry, I don't have my spectacles on I can fight emus And even crazier thing to say Before heading into the animal's bed Where he was repeatedly pecked It was stabbing his body all over wade said causing the man to curse and unsuccessfully attempt to kung fu kick the animal away The bird kept stabbing at the driver who eventually gave up fled the pen and headed toward a river While wade took the opportunity to flag down a nearby police car There the emu exits the story and it stops being interesting to me

But I will say one final note Is that the picture they use in the article is not the exact emu but just a stock photo of an emu And they note that underneath the picture Wow That chef should have cooked that bird Rock What do you think of that I mean and pretty crazy, huh? Well the man said he wasn't running that fast, but did he chase him for 20 minutes?

He had to been going at a reasonable speed Remember he was in his rubber chef's clogs Rubber chef clogs move wrong Woof woof woof. I'm a dog MC sugar, but this is what I wanted to bring up. What is that? For people who don't know MC sugar, but who stand up right now sit your pants do a little dance or city dance You were you you were one of the original Uh

People who started doing hip hop back in the early 80s That is correct And then something happened, huh? What Well, you know your story better than anyone better than me perhaps, but you you uh fell into a coma Well, let me tell you about me scotty d Fell into a coma in 83 And you you just woke up a few years ago it's been a few years now

Okay Pretty much used to things at this point It's all the new styles of hip hop you've grown accustomed to you've listened to them But I refuse to relate to those little kids Now what do you think I mean? It must be such a shock to the system to hear like you know Hip hop the way you used to do it and now people are like the real way the real way

Yeah, the delivery fucking dance Oh I did adopt profanity But now people now people are out there going like and stuff behind everyone do it again or do it again Please scotty do it again Thank you scotty d for doing that for me What was the accident that got you into that coma? Welcome

I was I was at an evangelical event And I caught the Holy Ghost and fell and hit my head that was it. That's right Could have been so many things though. I mean your mind could have been so many things my mind is a pot of stew Carrots and potatoes and roast too See beef broth

Eli Roth Eli Roth That's my favorite do that is what he does Out of out of every dude that does what he does. He's the best at it. He's an actor, correct? No, sometimes What else does he do? He's a director. Oh What do you do? Uh hostile

Right. I've seen that someone said no. Is that not right? He did direct hostile. He did direct hostile. He did direct hostile So shut your ass up I saw that movie. It was really gross. I like hot butter on my breakfast toast Hot butter jelly and jam too So MCs So you woke up, you know needless to say you woke up the whole world was different There were new invent. There had to be new inventions like the the the Roomba the Roomba

From the Roomba to the tomb My new job is to clean up graves and a graveyard with a Roomba from the Roomba to the tomb is the company name That's your new job hire me for all your grave cleaning needs What are the mess and see sugar butt yet? We might have the same question. Sure. What's the messiest grave you've ever seen the messiest I'm so glad you asked selling selling burger The messiest grave I've ever seen was right here in austin teen Full of shit Just someone just took a big dump on a grave when you die sometimes you relieve your bows

Stay in a hotel with really soft towels That seems like a very fast turnaround from death to grave Got him in there shit lives forever But the Roomba got it up it got it up I End of rhyme Do you need me to say that sky over well, I do you say end of rhyme nothing rhymed with up Up come shut whoop whoop

Are you all right mc sugar butt? I'm about to throw up So This is an exciting new business opportunity for you business opportunity that I need you to invest A lot of people wanting investments selling selling burger is wearing a vest Yeah How much do you I thought this business was already going you've cleaned up one grave at this point Well, here's how it works. Scotty D. I bring you on and you bring three And

And then they bring three and they bring three and they bring three and they bring three and they bring three And they bring three come on selling selling burger dance with me So it's a pyramid ski what I do clean pyramids which are graves from the Roomba to the Tumba What's the what's the biggest pyramid you've ever cleaned and also what's the smallest? The biggest was in Miami The smallest was in Egypt That must have been a big Miami pyramid huge was this recent pyramid news

People don't know about it I had to clean it up before they they screamed and shouted it. Wow, okay So this is this is a good business. I mean you own this great business great business I own it then you own it Are you sad you're not a rapper anymore? I mean this seems like your first love Wrapping was the first thing I had ever done in my life. Oh my god, he's went into a reverie This is all I knew how to do He's having a flashback

Oh That's not true MC sugar bud. Oh, excuse me. He crashed the plane into the sea closer You seem to have gone into as scott said a reverie and your voice completely changed and It seemed that that was not a place you wanted to stay and it's impossible So was rap your first love that was the first thing that I ever had learned to do

From the moment I could speak I could arrive like dr. Seuss Oh Suddenly son of a burger you make me shake and you make me quiver you crashed the plane into a river This is just this is factually incorrect. I it is it wasn't a crash. It was a water landing. Oh, which are highly unlikely So This little burger that makes you the best in my company. Would you like to invest? I'm looking to get some capital myself so I cannot help you at this time MC sugar bud Maybe you guys could team up though and with this business. I mean maybe

Many customers are down bound to die from goose poisoning They will have gravestones that will poison that will be defaced You know what goose is like to shit graves Well, I wish you would put out an album or something. I mean it Hip-hop seems to be what you care about. Well, I mean I feel bad for you that you're I mean you're an older gentleman now Excuse me. He's got a D. I am only 33 You you got it at the coma years. Nope. I don't You're in your 70s, obviously I beg to differ

I beg to differ the dead bodies get stiffer Swift You must have been so excited when you saw the swiffer as a new invention because I could rhyme with differ And I use that word all the time Finally Finally something to rhyme with a word that was unrivaled before 1997 When I wasn't around I googled it Oh and google I mean that's a huge thing. I mean that you know when you were still

In cyclopedia Britannica My favorite driver is Danica Patrick Patrick hockey See you're so good at this. I just I feel bad that you're I feel bad you're doing this, you know business. It's obviously gonna fail. Whoa Me? You yeah, well both of you Who me? I mean you're you you both have bad business ideas. I mean who us who us

Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry to say I mean I look I didn't say it while we were talking silly But I mean this restaurant it's hard enough to launch a restaurant. This one is just doomed to fail You definitely did not mention that during our conversation And You I mean cleaning up graves how often are people shitting on graves that this is a necessary thing? I mean you'd be surprised scotty D Every day I see a third times three So for cleanup jobs a day for all the graves have you seen a cemetery? Mary and Barry

Don't call me Mary and Barry your favorite mayor of all time I mean he was great. What's good. Yeah, so much crack Not enough of you asked me. I thought it was just enough I just We have a real goldilocks situation here For crack I just I know I'm supposed to be sort of neutral sometimes, you know as a host but I I just can't let you guys ruin your lives like this. I mean

You both have so much going for you. I mean mc sugar, but you're a great rapper and and sully you Landed a plane once I will not dignify that with a response What about you you're gonna dignify In real patronize these scotty D Leave me and sully. Leave us be You want me to go be you s i n e s s for the win That was a ride

It spells business You seem surprised you rhymed I am sweaty. All right, mc sugarbot everyone Oh It's in my eyes. It's in my eyes Maybe we can get you a towel of some sort a towel Give me that one That's his kerchief. You can't just did you sneeze in it? I'm kidding. I don't want that one

Sugarbot what sugarbot you put sugarbot into my brain It goes Finish it Boy sugar oh into my coffee. That's plain Leave the rhyming to me you scotty D All right, we need to get during the next guest Oh You thought you were last

I thought that was it You were gonna go home. I thought you were gonna invest and that was it. No, I'm not going to invest. I'm so sorry bullshit Sorry You can't you can't expect me to invest in something this stupid. Why not? We're friends. Are we? We're not This is the first I'm here in a piss You haven't been here All right, let's get to our next guest. What do you say? I say yay

He uh, he's an actor. I mentioned he's an actor. He also is a uh, he's an educator Um, he teaches at hamilton high, uh, please welcome to the show. Todd Padre is here You Todd Padre everyone Finally The Todd has come back To the bang bang for the first time Oh

You're are you out of breath? What is it? It is hot in austin scott ockerman Are you hell? Yeah, it is Sorry, i'm a little sweaty little Yeah, i'm a lot sweaty scott ockerman it i mean it's hot out there. It's hot out in these streets um You have the dampest hands i've ever encountered and i escorted hundreds of people into a river And i clean piss from graves They expect you to clean the piss from them as well everything has to be clean scott

Which part do you clean the piss from the grave stone or the dirt? Do you have to like ring it out of the dirt? I gotta ring it out of the dirt it makes the grass go bad It's really sad because the people are dead Our dad Is somebody boo fuck you I am so happy to be treading the boards here. Yes, mr. Padre. It's so great to meet you you and i I have never met yes, that's right. We've never met no We've never met despite my incessant emails booking emails auditions for the show that i've sent in unsolicited

Right, you're you're an actor. I'm an actor come theater teacher come in pants sometimes I thought it was This you bring up a good question because i've always i've always assumed it couldn't be pronounced come But is it cume? What oh like loud a like in that sense What yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. No, it's for people who would jack the loudest ejaculator in every class Gets a degree and gets to speak at the college graduation Magnetic some people are magna come loud a summer summer come loud a i'm a lot of come loud a You

You uh You're a you're a teacher and an actor. I'm a teacher. I'm an actor. I am um The only living um razz got recipient. I have a razzie for television film theater And music Yep, yep, um Um proud feminist, um What does what does that mean to you? What?

Um I'm nice to ladies I carry tampons with me So For what purpose? Well, you know how you always kind of see a woman go into another woman sometimes and be like, hey, sorry Can you help me out here as a male feminist? I say they shouldn't have to just ask women

So if I come into a room, I'll say ladies. I have a tampon also if you need one No questions asked But you know some men just aren't thoughtful like that You know it costs money and stuff like that and I I'm fine to pay for it And I'll just tell the woman, you know, I'm on venmo or whatever and How much do you charge? Well, it's per box, which all four of us probably know how much a box of tampons costs Of course

Of course, we do somewhere between five and five hundred dollars And Of course split between we know how many come in a box. So you do that math and then 38 Say it straight. I thought it was Q min a box So you you uh you and people you and some other teachers at Hamilton high That's called the teachers lounge, uh and we discuss Yeah, you guys I don't know what the auto quality of your mics is then the in the audience So I had to put my mic up to the audience. So everyone here could hear how popular the show is

Yeah So you uh, so you teach drama. I teach drama. I live drama. I mean life is dramas, isn't it? Um D and D I Know drama indeed Um, I got the movies also, but that's Fx you have the deal with the movies. What's that? No, I just got the movies you

What you remember fx got the movies has the movies Um, but I'm here in austin rb's has the beef They've got it they've got the beef How do you feel about being rames doing those commercials? I have mixed emotions To whom are you speaking? Is this a general question to the panel? Yeah, I know solely has issues with being rames as far as your history together Yes, he wanted you to throw the plane into the Hudson for a fee Yes, uh, he was still in character as don king

And was trying to get me to throw the flight as it were I refused, uh, I also advised him to change his name to something not so close to wing Because those are sacred or it was just an idle threat He's a very big man Is he tall? I don't know. He's wide. He's four foot ten Not a lot of no one about being rames. No, he remained shrouded in mystery He didn't he doesn't even have his, uh, emmy anymore That's right. It was buried with jack lemon

With jack lemon you heard me He famously gave it to jack lemon. Oh, and then they was there in the crowd and then jack lemon died immediately In the audience And then a seat filler me I do that sometimes wasn't certain when jack lemon was sitting dead in the audience Is this a seat I have to fill so I dumped his body onto the ground and this is the only part you remembered from that night From which night the seat filling situation I feel like you genuinely don't know Um

Was it 9 11 also Pass Pass You wait you can pass i'm using one of my passes All right, you only have 240 left be careful. That's how many tampons come in the box But I arrived in austin today because um As a theater teacher as a man who knows people who knows the human condition I've been doing a bit of a touring show now that the world is back open again

And everything's safe everything's safe hundred percent It's all good. I have monkey pox So I don't have to worry about monkey pox. I have kovat. That's why I'm so sweaty I have longest kovat I didn't know it was a competition I Thankfully Guinness awarded me longest kovat recently Um and uh, but but we're out here, you know, and it's hard. We were in our homes for two years We didn't know how to talk to people once we were out here. You know, we didn't know how to um

I'm gonna sit back down. I don't have much more to say on that one. Oh, yeah. That was a dramatic stand. I just felt it Yeah, no, I mean it it really felt like something was gonna happen. It's incredibly hot out here. Sorry what You're carrying a roll of toilet paper and you're back of your sweats Yeah, I'm really hot A handkerchief you didn't make fun of him Because that's classy toilet paper's assy All right, I guess you got me

But you know, we're out here and we you stop saying we're out here. What do you what do you mean by that? We're um I'm out here. He's out here. What do you tell us why you're here? Uh, what's so? Yeah, okay We're out here scott and and You know, you're expected to just be normal again and through my theater training I want to train people how to be out in the world again You know and to be comfortable and so I'm doing a touring show called act normal

And and it's it's all about these little moments. We find in the post covet world You know and it's it's it's it's it's it's it's tony robbins meets uh barack obama's master class meets Um tom cruise and magnolia's awesome speeches Meets avid castello meets frankenstein I have to ask are they Are those earlier things meeting the movie avid and castello meets frankenstein or they're meeting both avid and castello and frankenstein It's them meeting avid and castello while they're meeting frankenstein

And so it's it's the vibe of the show is like, oh, we've interrupted avid and castello meeting frankenstein What's the social graces here, you know What I know at it a little bit so I hug him I barely met frankenstein. Is that a fist pound? And it's just preparing people through all the things I know through theater breath work Feldenkrais, alexander technique Meisner, uh, uh, stanislavski, uh, stan and ollie So what uh, can I would love to see a demonstration of these? I'm so glad you asked god. I really Needed you to ask. Oh, okay. Well, let's do it. Let's do uh, um, let's do it. Let's do an exercise

Two of you I need two of you to sit across from each other and this is okay. Why don't uh sugar about it and slowly Why don't you guys sit across from each other and this is it? You know, it's so hard to connect with people anymore. Don't you think? It's so hard to connect with people anymore. Look someone in the eyes and really get to know them anymore. Don't you think? When you're talking to somebody it's hard to connect with them anymore I just look them in the eyes and get to know them. Don't you think so? I do believe so. Yes And so this exercise is all about connections it's about eye contact it's about comfort and it's about Finding yourself comfortable with somebody else that you barely know

You understand? Yes, okay So this is I'm going to give you a line from one of my plays and you're just going to repeat it back and forth to each other One of your plays? Yes. I'm a playwright scott Okay, what's this one called this one is called child thief About a person who takes children because it could have been a child who thieves A childhood thieves as a verb. Yes. No, that's my play baby back robbers I want my baby back robbers

Why don't you lay down a baseline for us? Excuse me? Why don't you lay down a baseline for us? Okay This is perfect for this exercise because this is a line from the play So you're confronting the child thief So you're saying I want my baby back And you're just repeating what you hear back and forth until the words give you new meaning and it's about the connection Not the words does that make sense? Yes Okay MCSP are you ready? Yes

CSS are you oh, yeah All right on my cue And action I want my baby back I want my baby back. I want my baby back. I want my baby back. I want my baby back I want my baby back. I want my baby back. I want my baby back. I want my baby bag Now this is great so far. I don't want to interrupt you. It's great, but you're not doing it right and well So

And it's awesome. It's lovely. I do this every day, so I'm obviously going to be perfect at it You know when I teach improv classes, I'll stop a scene and then I'll do it to show them how to do real improv So you're saying the words the same emotion behind them all the time I want you to open up a little bit. This is why you didn't put that role is you're giving me no emotion no heart, you know and I can say that because I'm the guy that the Liberty Bibery thing is based off of That happened to me in a Liberty Mutual audition. I said the name of the company wrong 400 times And they used it and they used it and they mocked me with a guy equally as good-looking as me

So same thing a little more emotion fellas, okay, just feel the words I want my baby back. I Want my baby back. I Want my baby back be be back baby back. I want my baby back baby back baby back I want my baby back baby back baby back. I want my baby back I want That was powerful You He gets it he gets let's take a look at that menu

Let's see we can exit full screen we could go back can't go forward. All right. Oh, wow I Could have been real dicey there See in those open tabs I'm glad they closed all my tabs. I was using it beforehand who is Scott Ackerman. What is comedy bang bang? And you spelled it with an H Which word nobody saw that I saw So

That what you just saw you just saw two men who have never met each other having a connection a connection It's made what and a connection is my You're a crumb believable We're on a great wavelength here. Is this what you do with your this is it in my class I welcome everybody if someone says something reminds you a song say it out loud if that if you know the lyrics repeat after those lyrics Get into the song together and all of a sudden you know each other a little more and that's what's killing us in this country We're dying out here Scott Ackerman. I Don't know what your point is

What we were everyone's dying of COVID is that what you're saying? No, no, you know, we're dying out here I can't go to a movie and talk through the whole movie anymore. You know People can't understand what you're saying if you wear a mask. That's yes, and I'm so funny I mean so funny during a movie, you know, and nobody hears it because I'm forced to wear a mask and I'm a Stubbs member I'm in someone else's entourage that there was paid for so You know, yeah, I just served to be treated properly when I go to the movies. I'm a-list I Wrote the Nicole Kidman thing you Do people have AMC theaters out here, do they know what we're talking about

It's all Alamo draft house this out here They They should play it at the Alamo draft house. So it's it's iconic. It's iconic. It isn't you. I didn't know you wrote that That's incredible. I wrote the original version for myself. What I'm sorry. This person is yelling something. It must be urgent because they just kept yelling it What did you say? Okay I What was the original version of this the AMC or the yeah, that's what we're talking about

What was me You portraying the role. Yes of Nicole Kidman or yes. Hi. I'm Nicole Kidman And I love movies dude And you love movies dude And here's the thing People are so mad When they can't go see a movie in theaters Tom Cruise my husband sometimes before He dresses up funny dish so he can see a movie in the theaters

Is he dressing up funny? He's just disguising himself Disguising himself that is a funny image whatever he's wearing, right? He's using the MI technology. Yes. Yes. What what technology am I mission impossible? Oh, he is Oh with the rubber mask. Yes, the whole thing he gets into a movie by climbing the building like he did in Dubai On the ropes. Yes, Gary all his own stunts. Did you know that? I Do up my own stunts too. What's a clean shit and piss out of graves

You got a call for second team when that's happening that's got to be somebody else you shouldn't be doing that type of thing I would like to join the team. I Mean is it good it doesn't go on IMDB It could I guess I'm DB is where all of the actors resumes are oh Oh We were talking backstage and sugar butt was like I was watching so many movies at my hotel I wish there was a way I could know who I said it

Let me tell you something that's not going too well, I can't figure out these actors in my hotel I Beautiful And so I said, you know, you could just go to IMDB and look it up And I told you that right before and now we mentioned again, and it's like you weren't listening to me at all because I wasn't I was not Austin is really hot But that's what you know now sugar butts gonna remember because he's done the exercise I mean what issues have you had post-covid out? You're out at a party at a dinner party at a party palace a party city

Well, there are some Societal norm just the other day I met someone and they they reached their handout to me It was someone I'd never met before and would never see again in my lifetime and we both knew that And he reached out his hand and I looked at it and I said well, I'm not going to do that And you did you not feel I know that you a man of the world was adequately prepared to handle that moment But some people they're not used to all of those social interactions and that's what my class teaches We put you through acting technique through all of those situations

I call them improvisations or skits and we do situations that you might be scared of okay, so like what should we do one right now? Okay, I need two people up two people up here. Why is it only two people? Let's do three. Yeah Okay, okay, so and we're wandering around aimlessly I take it okay, so This is nice and just feel the space a little bit feel the space feel yourself now if you're yourself here be yourself Okay We lost Sully we lost Sully We lost Sully he felt the space too much. We lost Scott. Okay, we're feeling the space a little too much

Okay, yeah feel the space here. Oh Feel the space Nice And now if you're in character, what body part does your character lead with let me see what you're lead with you Know is it from your your head or you a thinker and you walk with your head first? Is it from your heart? You know are you are you emotional? Is it your gut you act on your gut? Is it your sex? What do you lead with it? Yeah? I'm just doing my feet Yeah, everybody's pitching feet in different ways

This is really special. This is really something Yeah, okay I feel like I'm in the Lion King on Broadway Now at some point it when you make eye contact someone Greet that person and we'll be in a situation So this situation is one person wants to handshake and just react however you would react in that moment We'll talk about what happens because I don't want to direct you too hard Eat your vegetables drink your milk

No No words being shared between sully and emcee sugar, but a polite handshake and on with their And of course emcee sugar, but inline skating while sully does a bit of a march And Scott Ackerman in the Ministry of Funny Walks, oh, we're getting a he he out of Scott Now Scott is shaming on as he walks across the stage And Scott Scott and sully are face-to-face with each other both but Scott might be Michael Jackson He might be a Michael Jackson impersonation. He might be Scott Ackerman who just saw Michael Jackson music video and is excited

Let's see what happens Would you like to shake my hand? I wish I could but I'm a filthy goose Sam on And scene Wow What what did that do for us? Now that you have experienced Something so far out as Michael Jackson meeting a dirty goose and

Being rejected by it. What is there to be scared of what is there to be scared of? geese And that is something that was so beautiful that you did sully sullenberger is you burger No, I'm full. Thank you Oh You're such a great crowd we really love you You