Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Malt Shop Dementia (Jason Mantzoukas, Andy Daly, Paul F. Tompkins)

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

We celebrate our groundbeefing 950th episode with co-host Jason Mantzoukas! Ben Alterman reveals what will (and will not) be included in his upcoming memoir, and Bing Lujo talks malt shops and jukeboxes.  Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My Enmody bang bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. My enemy's enemy is my friend, and my enema's enemy is a big rear end. Comedy bang bang. Thank you to Danny Beef Bottom. Danny Beef Bottom for that catchphrase submission submitted. I would think the, sorry. No, I would think the opposite. I would think the opposite.

You would think Beef Bottom, Danny? I would think an enema would enjoy a big rear end because that would seem easier. A small rear end for the pushing. Is that what you're trying to say? A small rear end for an enema. Pushing it out. It might be hard getting it in there. Sure.

You know what I mean? You think enemy? Yeah. In terms of friend or enemy for the enema. So animals go in, but stuff comes out. So you have a pass-through situation. Sure, yeah. Like the Roach Motel.

Sorry, what's that, Shimmy? Shimmy's back. Locked Roach Motel? Like the Roach Motel? How is it like the Roach Motel? Yeah. Because Roach's check in, but they don't check out. Exactly.

Well, that would be alarming. The animal goes in and stays in. If I put stuff in and it doesn't come out. It depends on the size. Okay, I guess so, Shimmy. Gotta go. Okay. I figured you had to.

Oh, man. It was great to see him. so good to see shimmy. In the new year? Come on. Come on. Is that the first shimmy sighting of the new year? First shimmy appearance of the new year? I want to thank Danny Beefbottom. We're only taking new catchphrase submissions, by the way, submitted in 2026. This was submitted on January 6th. Wait for it. That's my favorite. That's my favorite kind of boat tour. Boat tour, yeah, both tour or boat tour. Isn't that a break bottom? I don't know what that means. What is a break bottom? Danny break bottom?

Beef Bottom? What? He makes the rock and work Go around. Hey, Shimmie's back. Gotta go. Shimmy. Thank you so much. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And you heard him here not moments ago. Co-hosting with me for this episode. He's an old, old friend of ours.

He's been on the show since the year one, which I believe was that a Jack Black movie? It was. Yeah. It was. Yeah. It was. Mike Sarah. I did a frantic joke punch-up roundtable. Why was it so frantic? Because the, because you're a stealing joke from frantic, the Roman Polanski movie?

There was a WGA strike happening, and Roman Polanski was only able to punch up his movie, his movie frantic. No, they were so crazy that they weren't going to be able to do jokes and punch up on set, that they had like two days of joke punch up, and the movie did not work. Okay. So we failed.

Are any of your jokes in year one? I can't imagine they are. So you never saw it? I don't think so. Okay. Did you? Scott hasn't seen. We should do that together.

Yeah, absolutely. No, thank you. But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. We're here, of course, on a very special episode. So special. This is, of course, the five-year anniversary of a very special day. It is that we're recording this on a very special day. this was when we recorded Comedy Bang Bang Episode 688.

Yeah. Five years ago on the day that we're recording. Wow. Can you imagine five years later we would record just, I'm trying to do the math here. 262 more episodes. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. Isn't it crazy how time flies by?

Because I remember like I remember where I was when I heard that 688 was being recorded. Not released. Not released. Being recorded. being recorded and people were like, fuck, have you seen the news? And I was like, what, what's going on? They were like, it's fucking chaos today.

688 was recorded today. They're in the middle of it and I heard it's fucking nuts. It was incredible. We had bean dip on the show, others. Classic. An incredible episode. And so that's a very special anniversary we're recording. Congrats.

Also, it's episode 950. But you heard him not moments ago. Please welcome to the show. Back to the show, Jason Manzukas. Wow. 950. How does it feel? 950, let's just say 950 episodes at at least two hours per ep, right?

No, but, uh, I mean, how much? I mean, like, some are way longer. An hour and a half maybe. An hour and a half per app. So an hour and a half. So an hour, okay, it would have been easier to do it with two hours each. It would have, yeah. But say it was two hours, that is, uh, 1900 hours.

That's so long. Divide that by four, 1900 divide by four because we're taking half an hour out of that. Now you're not remembering, like for example, uh, your 10th, anniversary was a 10 hour episode, but that doesn't juke the stats all that much. Okay. Because when you do I want to juke those stats, bro. I'm a stat juker. You're a stat juker. We've always said that about him.

Jason Manzuka's, of course, is here. You know him from such shows as Percy Jackson and or the Olympians. Yes, and or the Olympians. Yes, absolutely. These little kids, they got... Sometimes they run around without the Olympians. They're like, I need a day off from these Olympians. I just want to run around and be a normal kid. No Olympians. Hopscotch, the rest. Yes.

Other activities. Other do normal stuff. Normal kids do. Without cyclops or minotars or giants attacking. We're both over 50. We have no idea what kids do. Of course we're over 50. We recently just rewatch the A Song of Hope, the Dread Zeppelin documentary.

You know what? It's a once a year. Once a year thing. Everybody knows once you're over 50, once a year. We talked about it last time. It just starts playing and you have. have to watch it. You can't watch it until you're 50, but we didn't talk about the wrinkle of once you are 50, you have to watch it once a year. And it's not, you don't get to opt in.

No. It just starts playing. It's a lot like you two's album that goes right to your phone. Correct. Wherever you are in the world, yep, a year elapses after your 50, it just starts playing somewhere. When you guys talked to them for the podcast. Dred Zeppelin? No, you two. Yes. Were you like, what the fuck is up with that album? Strange that I've talked to you too before I talked Dred Zeppelin. Now this is interesting. The access to you too was easier than Dred Zeppelin. That you are able to reach out and touch the edge before Tortelvis is absolutely insane.

It is insane, yes. But Dred Zeppelin has not reached out ever since we talked about them about a year ago on this program. I can't imagine why, even though I'm certain, I am certain we are driving quite a few people to their YouTube page. A lot of traffic. To the YouTube page where this documentary is free. to watch. If you're 50. If you're 50.

Yeah, only if you're 50. I would imagine if you're not 50 yet. I don't think it'll even play. Yeah, exactly. You'll just get code 404. Cod. Code 404. Is code 404 the hardest phrase to say in the English language? Card 4.

I think it's error 404. But that's even harder one would be. Yes. You just like stroked out for a brief moam. Brief moam. But yes. we just rewatched it and so many more details.

It rewards a rewatch. I will say that. And I don't mind saying I want there to be a director's cut. I wouldn't mind that. There's certainly stuff that was left on the cutting room floor. Has a director's cut ever been shorter

where they're like, you know what? I would have taken it. I would have done. The studio made me keep those scenes. I would love that. Of course, Comedy Bang Bang is a ground beefing

podcast that has been around now for almost 17 years. And of course, comedy bang bang, gang, we won't quit. That's our new catchphrase. That is. Congrats. And I love it. Yeah.

Unlike other podcast hosts, unlike other podcasts, yeah. Other podcast hosts, by the way, who cares if they quit? You know, but you gotta pass the show on to a new home? Sometimes they unlock the gates and walk away,

leaving the whole thing wide open. Anybody could walk in and start a podcast. Exactly. Yeah. I wonder, just at least give away your, what is that thing that? Cat. Cat.

No. You know, whatever it is where your source code or whatever, I don't even know what I'm saying. Source code. Give away your source code. What am I trying to say? What are you trying to, like the, for the podcast? The URL or whatever it is. What do you call that thing? R.S.S. Fee. Oh, there he is. And Blood Simple Directors cut was shorter than the theatrical release. Okay. Okay. We've got a Cohen brothers fan. I was able to hold my tongue for one, but not true. Not two. Well, look, Jason, we got to introduce our gaspig. Because they're already talking on my...

And the guest entered, not even as the guest. I love this. Yeah. Well, let's talk to this guy. I'm sorry. You don't have to introduce me. No, no, no. I didn't want to put myself into it before time, but I had to say.

I'm so intrigued by this because I did not know that there was a director's cut of blood simple. Yes, and the Cohen brothers said, we're doing a direct-ish cut. Everybody makes their directors cut so much longer than the theatrical release. Let's make it shorter. They wanted to be done. And do you know what did they cut? They cut out all of the blood. It does make it simple.

It's much simpler to watch it now. Well, let's talk to him. He, of course, we all remember him from episode 46 of this program back in March of 2010. 900 episodes ago. Only 900 episodes ago. It's only been thousands of hours since we've caught up with this person. And I checked in about every couple of months. saying I'm available.

I'd love you to come back. Tech avail and we were tech unavail to have you. I guess so. I said I'll come back with Garland if that's the issue. You're on with Jeff Garland. That's right. Of the, what was that family name? The Goldbergs, of course.

Oh, yes. Of course. Of course the Goldberg. Of course. Wither the Goldbergs now. It only lasted short nine seasons, I think. Was it in real time? Like Bill Maher?

Was it like, you know, where like... Like club random? The end of the show was... Yeah, exactly where they got high every episode? Oh, wait. That's the 70s show. You know what I'm saying? Where like...

Oh, oh, the Goldbergs. Does it take us all the way to the... Into the era of the 90s? Yes, I believe so. And wasn't there, I believe, a spinoff where a Goldberg goes to college? There was a television show called the Goldbergs in the 1950s. It was a different show, but it really was a show. Was that also said in the 1980s?

Yes. And it was more accurate to the 80s than the later Goldbergs was. Yeah. You watch that Goldberg show and they'll have like, you know, they'll be doing sound cues from like 1981 and 1988 like they're happening at the same time. Sweeters, they never would have had. Yeah. On people. Media literacy.

This is what we want to talk about with our guest here today. He, of course, was on episode 46. Wow. of this program and we're checking in him again. I really haven't been back since then, Scott. You swung by in episode 300, I believe. Oh. Swung by, meaning you, I think, ran right through the room out of window.

Jumped out a window, I believe, in episode 300. Oh, yes. Just a brief, brief moment. A very brief appearance. I did you know, I sprained my ankle on that. Oh, wow. On the ankle on the window. Going out the window, I sprained my ankle.

Well, for a man of your age, that can be quite difficult. No, it was easy to sprain it, but difficult to recover. Yeah, that's what I mean. Well, I had an ace bandage. Nice. And that was helpful. Yeah. And also a bag of frozen peas.

Is Ace Ventura involved in Ace Bandages at all? Like, did he ever do some sort of like sponsorship deal or anything like that? Well, it would have been a good idea, Scott. Good luck finding an Ace Bandage nowadays. They don't sell them. So from the window to the walls till the sweat drips down. his balls. Here he is again. Ben Alterman is back. Wait a minute. What was that? Is that my catchphrase? Well, because you were at the window. Okay. Okay. Oh, wonderful. From the wall in the window and here come my balls. Ben Alterman. I love it. Hey, I got a memoir. I've written a book about my life. We definitely want to hear about that, but we want to introduce our next guest as well. Me again? No, not you twice. Oh. But we want to bring on our other guest here. I don't know. I don't know. know if he's a memoirist at all, but I do know he runs a malt shop.

Please welcome back to the show, Bing Lujo. Hi, guys, good to see you. It's so good to see you. Thanks for having on the show. Now, we all know your name, because, as discussed previously on this show, if we want to remember your name, we have to think about back in 1986 or 1985 when the movie Cujo came out. Cujo.

Coozo. You wanted to figure out showtimes? Cujo. Cujo. Like Pujo de Cajos. If you wanted to find showtimes for Cujo, you want to find showtimes for Cujo, you would Bing Cujo and then you just think about that but then take off the little part of the sea. So it's Bing Lujo.

When would you do this? If you're trying to remember his name. If he's trying to remember my name. I don't think it's, you know, no disrespect. I don't think it's the most streamlined mnemonic that there is. Can I tell you how I remember it? Yes. Just because it is a, it's a unique name.

It's a name you don't come across very often. Bing, I just remember it as Bing Crosby. Of course. Right? The old Rockin' Bing himself. The famous Krooner. That Krooner Bing Crosby, because that to me is at always the front of mind. He was the Dred Zeppelin of, say, the 30s and 40s.

For sure. Oh, Dred Zeppelin. Well, Bing, you like Dresz Eppelin? I remember watching that documentary so long ago. It was compulsory. How old are you being? Oh, I'm up there. Okay.

You're 30 years or so past Dred Zeppelin age, right? I've watched that movie now 44 times. How old are you? You're 94 bed. Correct. Wow. So we have a couple of septagenarians here on this show. Well, no, if he's 94, he's not a septogenarian.

Oh, I guess not what? I guess not octogenarian. He's a non-aginarian. Yeah. The thing is. But he is a generian. The only you get, every, every 10 years after 50, you got to watch it the same number of times. That you already have watched it.

The first number in your age. Oh, whoa. Okay. So, when you turn six. 60, you have to watch it six times. That's right. Six times a year? Six times in a row.

Six times in a row. Oh, wow, wow. Then when you turn 70, you have to watch it seven times in a row. No, you also got to watch it from the six times. Oh. It keeps adding up. So you have to watch it 13 times in a row?

You got to watch it five times for 50. Oh, okay. Then six times for 60, then seven times for 70. They keep adding the numbers. So it's cumulative. It's cumulative like the cloud. Oh, wow. So you're telling me that Ben here.

at 90 is watching it some 30-some tons a year? Once the past 80, you got to just keep watching it. It's the only thing that plays. You turn on the internet, it's the only thing to play. No, I mean, you can watch other things, but yeah, watch that afterwards. The first time I saw it, there was no YouTube, and there was no Dred Zeppelin. It's confusing. Whoa, now that's interesting.

I'm telling you. Wow, so Ben, you are a memoirist, and Bing, are you also a memoirist? I have not yet written my life story. Oh, but you do have plans to you? I'm going to do it on my guest bed. Oh, okay. I think that's smart. Because I want to have.

Get you said to be a guest bed or deathbed? My guest bell is a death bed. I plan to die on it. This is the unfortunate side effect of having two people who are a heart of hearing on this show. By the way, hard of hearing and difficult to understand both of them. And very similar. I think this is going to be a deeply clarified episode. Have I made a mistake?

No, no, we love you big. Have I made it mistake? No, Ben. All right. No, you were not made a mistake. You were here first. No, no, no. Do you tell people when they come to stay with you, the guest bed is a deathbed?

Well, I say it's my death bed. Oh, I see. Do you tell them that? Yeah, okay. But because I'm alive, they have nothing to fear. So you're going to move into the guest bedroom when you're done. When I feel coming, yeah. But when, now, but if someone is visiting, if you have somebody visiting and they want to use the guest bedroom,

I would say it would be off-putting for you to say, I hope you're comfortable here. I hope you get a nice restful night's sleep, just so you know I will be dying in this bed in the future. I tell him when they're leaving. Oh, okay, then that's a good way. I say, how was the bed? And they say, oh, that's really here because I'm going to die on it.

Now, are you superstitious? Will you not get into the bed until you're ready to, like that bed, like if something happened in your bedroom. Yeah, it's got to be special. Yeah, okay. Did you even test it out in the bed showcase room, the floor? No, I had somebody else tested out of dying friend of mine. Who is this?

It's a unique work. Someone we know? It's a unique case. You want it to work for when you're dying. Does someone have to die in the bed before it becomes a deathbed? I think you only have to be, I think you've got to go all the way. Yeah. Because you can be dying and be in the deathbed.

Okay. But if you get out of it, it's not a death bed anymore. I think mattress companies. If you're dying and you get up for a glass of water. Yeah. And you die when you're getting to glass? Oh, God. Is that a deathbed?

I've outlived three deathbeds. Wow. Oh, right. Yes. I think mattress companies are missing a huge opportunity to sell death beds specifically. Yeah, it comes in the size of a coffin. Yes, comes to the size of a coffin and the ability, a single push button to record your final words. Wow.

Why would it come in a size of a coffin? Well, I was saying that mini refrigerator, how mattresses used to come back in 2016, remember? Oh, I see. A mini coffin? It arrives. It comes in a size of a coffin. and it expands to be a better. Yes, but it is shaped like a coffin regardless.

Yes, of course. I've outlived the Cooper who made my coffin. Oh, Cooper. I hired a Cooper to make a coffin for me. It's been a long time since I've heard that job. I may have outlived the final Cooper. Yeah. He may have been the last Cooper.

Was it DB Cooper by any chance? Oh, no. I think it may have been. Or was it hanging with Mr. Was it Bradley? Was it Bradley Cooper? Oh, yeah, it sounds familiar. Interesting that Bradley Cooper, if our last names truly are, a reflection of what our ancestors did for a living.

His great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandfather or grandmother made coffins. You wouldn't have had a female coper. You wouldn't have had a Cooperic? You wouldn't have a Coopericks? You wouldn't have Cupertics. Cupertis? Never. I outlived the Luthier that made my guitar.

Ben, what would happen if someone's staying with you? I'm not Ben. But I'm talking to him. Why are you looking at me? Because... Both of their names starting with B is also not helping. Oh, no. Bing.

What would happen if a friend of yours is staying for like a long weekend? Like President's Day or something like that, right? Oh, or Vampire Weekend. Sure. When is that, by the way? When is Vampire Week? It's strange because you would think it would be in October. And apparently it's no longer a national holiday.

Oh, okay. But say someone's staying with you for like a nice four-day stint, right? And then suddenly you feel it coming on. Yeah. Right. Do you eject them? Do you evict them? I mean, I would say as nicely as possible.

I'm going to need you to vacate the bed and change the linens. And change the linens. Well, I mean, come on. Do you change the linens when they leave or do you make your guests change the linens before they go? I changed the lineage when they leave, but if I'm dying, then I got to ask them to do it because I'm probably not in great shape. Can I ask you a question, Bing? How close have you ever been to getting into the bed? Or if at all, you know, has there ever been a time where you're like, this is it?

Did you have one foot in or one toe on the bed? I got to get into the bed. Have you ever been struggling to put on a fitted sheet and fall in it? That's the situation, is that I almost fell on the bed. And my heart stopped. And I thought, wouldn't it be funny if I died of fright? Because I almost fell in the deathbed and then I died. Wow.

And that simply would be because you yourself have created such a myth around the bed. Well, it's not a myth. I'm going to die. Of course, we're all going to die. How do you know, though? Oh, now that's interesting. As James L. Brooks once asked America. How do you know?

My family has always been very aware of death and when it's coming. And I remember my grandfather, Um, when he clenched his death, he crawled under the porch to die. So wait, so, so you could be, though, hit by a bus and decapitated or something like that. Wait a minute. But you, how? Hit by a bus and decapitated in it. It happens.

Okay. Some buses have very sharp blades on the front jason. Like a bicycles on the front or something like that. I mean, when we were kids, the buses used to have cowcatchers on them. Sure, they did. They would catch the cows on that. And then you would suddenly be. dead in an instant, but you wouldn't be near your bed.

Yeah, I would be sad about that. You would, wouldn't you? Yeah. It seems like a missed opportunity. I feel like you had a point. Should you take your bed everywhere, is my point? Oh, I see. That seems impractical.

Yeah. But I wish there was a bed everywhere I went. What about, why can't they make a backpack bed? So you carry it on your back like a backpack. A sleeping bag? Yeah. Yeah. Well, listen, you could just take a camping, uh, inflatable,

A backpack deathbed where if you're hit by, like airbags in your car, if you're hit by something. Please take this to Shark Tank. It suddenly expands and you lie on it dead at the moment of impact. Wow. Mr. Wonderful would be all in on this. They'd have to guarantee it. Oh, you mean the actor? Yes, the actor, Mr. Wonderful.

Yes. The Academy Award, not me, I'm assuming? What are you talking about? I'm also, I'm pretty sure he and his wife decapitated someone. in a boat accident. Allegedly. Don't you know a shark tank? Shark tank.

I haven't seen it. We're talking about a TV program, not an actual shark tank. Oh, I haven't seen that either. So you've never seen a shark tank in real life nor on TV. Never in my life. Where would I go to see a shark tank? You're talking about... The aquarium or something.

James Bond Villains layer. Do you not spend much time near the water? I don't go anywhere near the water. That's interesting. It's interesting because a lot of guys we know spend a ton of time in the water. Forget it. No, you know, you can, if you fall in the water, you can't breathe that stuff. Do you know that?

Yeah. Well, it's true. It's true. No, you'll drown. I've got a lot of information about the Cohen brothers. Oh, right. And is this part of your memoir? Oh, it's all in the memoir.

We want to talk about the memoir, of course. I want to go back to Binglusion. Wait, I had a question for Ben. Yeah. Oh, of course. Which one is Joel and which one is Ethan? Oh, one of them is named Joel. And the other guy is named Ethan.

And then that's how you know. Thank you. And what was your question? Yes, Bing. What's going on at the malt shop these days? The mall shop, well, you know, because we just had the holidays and everybody comes in for the egg-knock malt. Do you decorate? Is it?

Like, this has got to be your big time of the year. It's got to be my big time of the year. Big time for malt shops. People love the malt shop in the wintertime. And so we put on the decorations up. We have Santa Claus Cubs. Santa Claus Cubs, the real guy? or uh what do you mean the real guy

the real shantacly he's been on the show multiple times what you're talking about we also have soup to claws yeah soup to claws is uh bowl bowl bowl I think he says I can't it's a story for little kids you don't believe in Santa Claus oh wow I don't believe in Santa Claus

this is surprising Ben do you believe in Santa Claus certainly I do every Christmas he brings me wonderful presents What did he bring you this year An electric vest. How does that work? I don't know what that means.

Meaning what? You charge it up overnight and then you can wear it out and you don't get cold. Oh, it's like a warming vest. It's a warming vest, but it works on a battery and it has a 93% chance of bursting into flame. Okay, that's quite a high. That's too high. The percentage on that is massive. At my age, it's worth the risk.

Also, 7% chance it won't and 7 is a lucky number. Yeah. Sure it is. 6. Huh? Nothing. Bing? I'm guessing it your name.

Bing Ben, Bing Ben, Bing Ben. Oh, you ever go to London? Sure. I've seen that plot. Is that in the memoir? We'll get to the Ben. Look, it's Bing Ben, Parliament. We'll definitely get to the memoir at a certain point. So all the decorations are up.

Oh, right. The malted. And when Santa comes, like, is it, does he, Like, what are kids more excited about? Ice cream or Santa? That's what I was going to ask. Oh, it's tough. What we do is we have a contest.

We have a contest every year. Which do you like more? Okay. And if the kids vote ice cream, they don't get presents. Oh, wow. But if they vote presents, they don't get ice cream. That's right. So it's a one.

Yeah, this is a lady in the tiger. This is Sophie's choice. It keeps them honest, you know, so they can't say every year, oh, we like presents more. So we're going to vote for presents. We're going to vote for Santa. So every, every, every. every year they make that choice and it's tough.

Do they not then get ice cream for the whole year? Can you imagine a year without ice cream? Can you imagine? Or a year without presents? Or a year without Santa Claus? Was there a year without a Santa Claus? It was.

Yeah. Which year was that? It was like 19... You want to say 68, something like that. Oh, yeah, it was very true being in time. Well, it wasn't that... He was afraid of being a sadden. There's like a lot... They were credible threats.

One pill makes you horny. That's when Santa Claus went into Hate Ashbury and didn't come out for two years. He burned his draft card. Man, I would love to see him in Nam. That would be crazy. Wasn't he in blind faith for a while? I think that's right. Now, Bing, how do people, how do the kids vote on?

Are you talking to me? No. Your name's Ben. I know. Now, Bing, how do the kids vote on this? Is this with voting machines? Like the, Bing. With the Dominion voting systems or anything like that?

Oh, God. Are you trying to get sued? It is a secret ballot. Oh, nice. And all the kids, they write it down on a piece of paper and they drop it in a box. Okay. Love that. It sounds like a good system.

And who tallies this, the Price Waterhouse team? Yeah, it's the Price Waterhouse team. It's the same guys. Same guys. Yeah, I love those guys. Anytime they introduce them. It's so fun. They carry a briefcase.

They don't need it. Which one is Price and which one is Waterhouse? The one whose name Price is Price and then the waterhouse is the other one. I think it's Jonathan Price and Suki Waterhouse, isn't it? It's definitely them. Do you think that people are still carrying traditional. briefcases. I wonder that sometimes.

Is that still a in use? If you saw a guy carrying a briefcase, you'd be like, is this Halloween? Are you dressed up as a businessman for Halloween? Yeah. It just seems like they would be very limited in size.

You know how like suitcases now they have roller wheels? Exactly. You know, like do briefcases? Briefcases should have roller wheels. Don't you think? I agree. Let's do that.

Are you saying the briefcase should have a long telescoping handle? But still be very nice. High-end leather. leather wheels, leather handle. Yeah, just gorgeous. You have monogrammed initials. I mean, if the handle's long enough,

can it fit back in the briefcase? Yep. I wonder. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. I guess they're hollow and they collapse inside each other. You can use carbon fiber to make it my bet would be. I'll tell you what I'm going to bring to a shark tank

is a briefcase that has straps and you can wear it on your back. But it is a hard briefcase, hard on either side. And it has a deathbed inside? Is that way you're? Naturally. And you've got to be handcuffed to the handle.

Oh, wow. Right, yes. Like the nuclear football or whatever? Precisely. Is the president handcuffed? I know. Why is it a football? Because like a football, it goes wherever the president goes.

Oh, right. That's in the memoir. Oh, it's in the memoir. How many presidents have you met, Ben? Okay, presidents of what? The United States? Wow. Okay, I'll open it up.

Okay. anything of PTA. Oh, well, hundreds. Hundreds. Okay. Of presidents of all the American organizations. Let's limit it then. Chambers of Commerce.

Elks Lodges. Book clubs. Poison girls clubs of America. Poison girls. Poison girls. Hold on. Isn't that what you said? I did not, but now I'm interested.

I want to know how many. You met the president of a poisoned girls. The Poison Girls Club. I certainly have met the president of the Poison Girls. What are the little rascals? Was this a club where they poisoned girls or it was a club for girls who had been poisoned? Yeah, that's what I would like to know as well. No, no, no.

It was specifically a club of men talking about girls who are poisoned. Oh, like Belmond de Beau. That girl is poised. Well, that particular girl was poison. And then there were others. Because, and I think as the text tells us, never trust a big butt and a small. Unless you're an enema. If you trust the big button to smile, you might be an anima.

A callback you were not present for. Wasn't I? Wow. We're going to get to that memoir in a second here. The president of the United States just one Eisenhower. Oh. Yes. Just one.

Ike. The only one I met with. You liked it? No, I didn't care for I. Oh. Why did you meet him then? Oh, that explains that button. What?

That explains that button you're wearing. Yeah, I don't care for Ike. You should just change into I don't like. I don't care for I. Fuck Ike. Well, in those days we didn't curse, but I have an I don't care. I thought it was a fuck ice button, but it was actually it's fuck Ike. Yeah.

I think that when it says fuck Ike, it's a misspelling, isn't it? They mean I like. They mean I like, yeah. I think they do. I walked in on him taking a crap. in a public In a public? In a public?

The Secret Service allowed you that access? How do you know it was a crap? Did he announce his intentions? You walked into the stall or the bath? I walked into the stall in a public bathroom. Boy, that's how you know for sure. He was. He said, excuse me. I said, excuse me.

And then I walked out and I said, God damn it, that was I. Was this in the middle of his presidency? It was at a roller rink in San Diego. Oh, wow. And he was literally a sitting president at that point. These are the jokes that we made. Yeah. Wow.

What a life. What a life lived. Me or Ike. Either, I guess. I can, I'm only going to assume that that is in the memoir. I actually know. Oh, wow. Maybe in the paperback?

I guess maybe. It is a good story. Damn, and I forgot your book. I mean, if that's the kind of stuff that's not in the memoir, I would. I'm so excited to hear what is. Is there any paperback edition of a book that's shorter than a hardcover? Oh, yeah. Probably.

The novelization of Blood Simple. They took up Chapter 7. First, there was a hardbacked novelization of Blood Simple. You know, we do want to hear about this memoir, so tell you what, we're going to take a break. But when we come back, Ben Alterman, who I'm looking at right now, is this old? older gentleman, we'll be telling us about his memoir. Meanwhile, this older gentleman I'm looking at, Bing Lujo is going to tell us about his mulchop and other things that are going on.

We'll have sort of a contest like the ice cream or Santa contest to figure out who's more interesting and who we like. Wait, is that what we're doing? Sure. So I really want to you. I just want to say, I'm enjoying both of you and I don't think it's a competition. Equally? Equally, yeah.

I'm having a great time. Learning more about Bing. It's been years since I've seen Ben. It's been, yeah, it's been, I mean, this is fantastic. 16 years, 16 years? There's no way to calculate it. Other than, I guess, take 2026 minus 2010. Something like that you'd have to do, yeah.

Sure, but who can do that kind of math? It's hard to imagine. Yeah, well, tell you what, let's take a break. When we come back, I want to hear all about the memoir, Ben. And Bing, I want to hear other things about other things. We're going to take a break. Jason, you'll be here, my second favorite JM, right underneath Jersey mics, of course. Of course.

Of course, you love it, Mike's way. Are you a Jungeon Master? Have I a Jungeon Master? Yeah. I'm not a Junction Master. You never played Junction. I, listen, I've played it. A joke that works with Bing Lucio and his strange speech affectation.

Tell you what, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more Bing Lucio, more Ben Alderman, more J.M. We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang, Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang! we're back. Jason Manzoukis is here, of course, from Taskmaster Season 19, I believe. And season 20 is just around the corner. Season 21 coming soon with Kumail Nanjiani. With Kumail, our good friend Kamail isn't.

Nary a mention of that when he was on the show back in December, but very excited for that. He kept it tight, close to the vest. He kept it tight, the enemy's enemy. And we also have our good friend. friend Bing Luzzo from where's... Thank you for calling me a good friend. Yeah, of course. I value you as a friend. Thank you. I value you as a friend, too. You're a very nice man.

What is your shop called again? It's called Bing Luzzo's Motshop. That's right. And where is it located? On the corner. On the corner, right. And we also have Ben Alterman, who's an elderly gentleman, another elderly gentleman. But not a good friend. I mean, I haven't seen you since episode 46.

You know? What does that matter? What does that matter? Yeah, I don't see somebody for a while. You know, sometimes it's like a comfortable pair of Pants, you know? Yeah, it's true. Pants. That's me.

I'm a comfortable pair of pants. You really are. Ben, we haven't seen you in 16 years. So much life has happened to you. Is that what the memoir? Is that what it deals with exclusively? Just those 16 years? The day after you did Comedy Bang Bang until now?

No, but I did print all of the emails of me checking in with you. And then left a blank. page after each one to symbolize the lack of a response. So that pads the book out. Yes, I suppose it does. I mean, you've lived, I will say you've lived through so much, so much of interesting time. You're 94 years old. No, no, 94 years old.

You're wrong, Scott. I'm so sorry, 94 years old. You were born in 1931 or 30? I mean, to look at the world now compared to then when you were, you know, had just the radio You were a pre-teen during World War II. Yes, that's right, but it didn't stop me from fighting the Jerry's. Really? Absolutely. You did your part, I'm sure.

How did you? I fought Jerry. I was 10 years old. Wait, wait, okay, hang on. You don't mean the Germans. You mean a kid named Jerry? There was a boy named Jerry, and we all took turns taking a pop at him. Because the war was on.

You have to remember. Okay. And nobody like Jerry. Hmm. I fought the hell out of him. You better believe I did. So, I mean, yeah, I'm trying to think of the world events that have been around. Oh, my God.

You've been around since 1930, World War II. Rock and roll, you know, I mean, there's so much. Santa Claus almost going to Vietnam. I remember that. Boy, I hated that rock and roll. Thank God. Thank God. That's dead.

That was a real fad there for a little while. Because you would have been 25 or so when it came out. It would have been right in your sweet spot. I didn't care for it. What's your, what music did you, were you a fan of? We used to have a guy called Benny Goodman. Oh, okay, the clarinet player. He had, yes, an orchestra would go out there.

They play the songs and you could dance to it. You could get a girl. Like a moonlight serenade kind of. Something like that. See, I like the rock and roll because of the mall shop. Oh, you've got some malt shop memory. You ever go on the ball shop memories cruise across the Gulf of America? Wait, you know about the mallchop?

memories? And away we go. You know what? I've heard of it, of course. I've heard. Of course, I've heard of course I've heard of it, but I don't, I don't go on it because I'm at a malt shop already. Oh, you don't need to. I don't need the memories. It's the present for me. Don't shit where you eat. I went on that maltchalk memories crew. You did? It was nothing but rock and roll. What did you think it was going to be? I feel like that is the quintessence of that. I thought it would be gentlemen and ladies sitting around talking about bolt shops. They were married.

memories of them? Yes. But instead it was bands like, I'm trying to think of who would be on the mallchop memories. Don't ask me. I don't like that.

I have a question. Bing, just out of curiosity in your mallchop, is there a jukebox? That seems synonymous with a... We have a big jukebox. We also have the little jukeboxes

at every booth. Boy, and then we have such a treat. There's a teeny tiny jukebox that you have to find under the counter. You look so like that. Is that for like the mice? Nobody's never found it.

Shh. Yeah, you know, that's how people make those little elf doors that they put at the base of a tree. We made it functioning jukebox, tiny mouse-sized jukebox. Is it a functional jukebox? It works. How do you need to use a little pin to press the vinyl? It's little teeny coins that you put in. Unless if you're a teeny fondie, you could hit it and it probably would go.

Oh, wow. Has teeny Fonzie ever come in? I mean, how would I know? I guess you're right. I heard the tiny jupac. I think teeny Fonzi changed his name at Ellis Island from Constantina Fonzorgett Fondolini. Wait, wait, wait. Try it again.

Try it again. I think Tini Fonzi changed his name at Ellis Island from Constantina Fondellelli. You want a third try at this? You know they've got his teeny leather jacket at the teeny Smithsonian. Good luck finding either one. It's called a Smithsonianette. By the way. The Mall Shop Memories Cruise

2026 lineup has been announced. Oh, shit. We have Wayne Newton. Wayne Newton. Okay. Oh, remember when he was at the mall shop. Yeah. The Temptations.

That is a Malt Shop memory. The Temptations were, I don't know that that's a Malt Shop band. But, I mean. But hey, look, Herman's Hermits starring Peter Noon. Peter Noon, still alive, still rocking those hermits. You know what?

I got to say, if they're going on the cruise, they're not hermits. Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? Like they're too much, they're too public. Yeah,

they're, they should be hard to find. You should have to go up into the woods to see Hermann's Hermann's Hermann. Maybe they're booked and they don't show up. Yeah. And make a look, we're a hermit.

A friend of mine was recently backstage at a show. And at the venue, they had slides of all the upcoming shows. And one of them was Peter Noon's, Hermits. And there was a picture of Peter Noon and then behind him, like four shadows. Whoa.

No promises as to Who precisely will be the hermits now? The hermits are ghosts. Wow. So then... Who's Herman? Who's Herman's... I mean, Herman's, the possessive.

It's Herman's Hermits. Peter is Herman, I think. Peter is Herman. No, I think Peter's wanted a hermits. Peter's a hermit. I think that Herman commands the hermits to go out. That's why he can get them out there. So like through Mass.

Because they would prefer to stay at home. Peter Noon's Herman's Hermits is double possessive That's fucked up. That's like a Ruth's Chris. Ben, you know about Ruth's Chris? Jinks, buy me a sirloin steak. I'll meet you at Ruth's. All right.

We have the Archies and the cuff links, under the street lamp, a conversation with Priscilla Presley. What's, hold on a second. One conversation. What's under the street lamp? Yeah. I wonder. It must be like a do-wop. Tribute acts, maybe.

We saw some maws. Yeah. December 63 of four seasons tribute. Oh, okay. These are all tribute acts. But you know what? I do not. A conversation with a conversation.

Is it about naked gun? I hope so. That's the conversation I would have. If I were moderating, I would just steer it into all naked gun talk. I think the conversation might be like, hey, well, you got married to Elvis. That was fucked up, right? Because you were 14? Yeah.

I wonder if they'll touch on that. decided that you could go home to the United States under the care of Elvis. That was fucked up, right? What is more fucked up? That or the lifelong time spent in the Church of Scientology? Is she one of them? Yes. Priscilla?

I believe so. But you know what I do not see here on the lineup is a band that I thought was going to be there. Sean Anna. Do you remember this band, Jason? Of course I remember Sean Anna. We've spoken with a guest multiple times. about Shanaana who's been trying to get in the band for ever. Didn't we find out that they have retired from touring?

Let me look up their website and see if there's anything on it. Seanana.com. Your connection is not private. Get out of there. Get out of there. I'm off. I'm off. They're going to collect information. Oh, I hope you don't get an error 404. Have you been to Dred Zeppelin's website lately?

It is not maintained. Seanana. Okay, it's mail.shana na.com. Okay. M-A-L-E? Oh, they have a big announcement here. Let it be known. Oh. Shana-na will no longer tour as a concert group.

Wait, this is what we read last year. Oh, that's right. We read this exact thing last year. That's right. So I should not be surprised they're not on the one. No, I think this is what we've discovered. Yes, I think this is what we discovered. How long ago did you go on the Mallchop Memories cruise?

I've been on the Mallchop Memories cruise. I was on the very first one, which was 1956. Oh, okay. So that was memories. It was very fresh memories. And then I went on it again just a couple of years ago, and I thought this, you know, I see. This time it'll be like a real, we'll just sit around and talk about our much.

So even back in 1956, the first one, it was, it was all 50s bands. I don't know. Rock and roll bands? Well, everyone on the ship got Legionnaires. Okay. Okay. Wow. That's tough. How many hours into the cruise? Well, somehow, I guess we showed up with it.

Oh. Oh, wow. Because it was instantaneous. Everyone back then kind of had Lee. Everybody, it lingers in the spine. You know, part of the conversation with Priscilla Presley might be that she got Jordanaires disease. Oh, wow. Because of her husband's affiliation?

Yeah. He's too close to the Jordanaires. So this last time you went on, what year was it? It was, let's see, what year is it now? It's 2026. So it was too less than that. So 2024 was there the band, Sean, no, no. Do you know who we're talking about?

I don't, I don't care for this rock and roll. Oh, wow. Do you remember a guy fitting his fist into his mouth? I've known many people over the years who could do that. How many? 28? Oh, wow. 28 different guys.

Those are good odd. I mean, that's pretty good. It's all in the memoir. It's all in the memoir. Certainly. We're going to talk about this soon. This makes it a 28. you knew who could fit their fists in a mouth. Not all. I didn't say men. Some of them

are ladies. Fit their fists in their mouth. But the Ike shitting story did not make it into the memoir. Some of them are married couples where her fish can go in his and his and hers. That's how you know it's true love. Is one of the ladies Martha Ray, the big mouth? Beautiful Martha Ray. You know, I was married to her for three and a half. What are you? Is this a memoir? It's not in the memoir. What? You were married to Martha Ray of the, was it the Dentine commercials? Well, but she did... Dentures.

Denture cream. Dencher cream. Hollered for heaven's sake. We were both wrong. Were you married to her before or after the denture? Long before. She was 14 years old. Oh, no.

How old were you? That is very old. It was quite common. It was very old. I was 39. Oh, gosh. Okay. You know, she was born in 1916.

Well, exactly. And you were born in 1930. I hope she wasn't lying to me about her age. What a vain woman. Lying to say you're 16. 14. It's a lady's prerogative. You never ask.

What a life. Well, thank you. I was talking to Bing. But you're looking at me. Yeah, what a life thing. Oh, my life's not a lady. Have you ever thought Bing that you would, write a memoir at some point? I mean, I know we talked about it a little bit, but I mean, like,

do you feel like that is, I mean, everybody talks about maybe I'll write my memoir with something like that, but do you feel like you've lived enough of a life or are you waiting for that next chapter? I thought about it, but then, you know, the title Maltchup Memories got stolen from me. What am I supposed to do? It's a perfect name for my book, but I can't. How about this? Maltchop memories, the book, not the boot. Yes. Has anyone ever got engaged at your Maltch? shopping. We've had a number of engagements.

We've had a few divorces where people said we'd like to finalize our divorce here. Finalized it, really? Not even initiated. No, they said, this is where we met. This is why we fell in love. This is also where we fell out of love. Oh, wow. So a real three-act structure for the malt shop.

Do they bring down a notary? Oh, yeah. I was a notary for eight years in the 90s. You're kidding. That's in the memoir. What's the wildest thing? you notarized? Well, it was mostly escrow documents.

Yeah, so pretty, pretty standard stuff. So nothing interesting. But this is, it made the memoir. It's in the memoir. Okay, so it sounds like maybe not a good chap. I've got a partial list of all of the home sales and the escrow documents. Okay. So once again, I wouldn't.

Not even a whole list. I couldn't find them all. Only eight years. I mean. Hey, Bing. Bing, let me ask you a question. Wait a minute. Your Bing.

Your Bing. Your Bing. He's, he's. He's Ben. Bing, do you get to, when you stop being a notary, do you get to keep the stamp? Oh, yeah, you do get to keep the stamp, but you're not allowed to use it. Never again. Really?

That's right. We got a spitball alternate titles for Bing's book here. Let's see. We can't use Mallchop memories. But what else have you done, Bing? What else would be in the book? Do you have hobbies that would primarily take up a lot of real estate in the book? I mean, I, I, I mean.

I like the mulch shop. Okay, that's where you work. I like making mulch. And your wife died recently, right? My wife died yesterday. Yesterday. Oh, Bing. I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's okay. Your wife of how many years, Bing? We were married for 51 years. Oh, my God. Last time you were on, your wife had died the day before her as well. That can't be so. Oh, wow. So your marriage has seen the Dred Zeppelin documentary.

Wow. That was our 50th anniversary. Of course. Of course. But yeah, you know, you get to a certain age. Death is like, you know, it just happens to everybody. Yeah, we'll see you soon. Yeah, exactly.

Well, that's the gift for the anniversary. Like, it's paper, it's whatever. And at 50, I think it is documentary. And then at 51 death. So, like, what else do you like to do in your life? The malt shop, of course, we talked about that. The mall shop, I like to make malls. I like to drink parts.

Maybe that's enough. Maybe. Well, I like to buy. Oh, that's great. Okay. Maybe a title about jukeboxes? Like, who put the juke in the... Bob-shub-shab-shab.

Mm-hmm. Sure. I'd buy that book. You know, they never found out. Really? Yeah. They have no idea. They have no idea who put the bop in the bop-to-bop-dob-tab.

This is a cold case. Oh, boy. Wow. Oh, this is the kind of thing that a documentary could solve. The two most famous cold cases Jack the Ripper and who put the bop and the bop-dwop-wop-wop-wap. Wow. Don't juke my box. how about that i like that ben is just coming in hot with spitball titles i love that

don't juke my box don't juke my box don't juke my box don't juke my box and other stories from the malt shop oh that's great is that wait but that's a story huh so i first have to tell a story of when my box got juke or not do you have anyone not to do you have anything that fits that i'm trying to think did anybody ever juke my box it would be it's great if that could be your catchphrase yeah don't you have someone not to do you have to do you have to do it's took my box and other stories what oh wow are you doing a be deluzzo impression did i'm trying i said that it was me actually i tell you what i don't really know what juking is come to think of it's make a sham move to mislead an opponent you're kidding me what's that shimmy hey shimmy

somebody called me no no we said sham yeah got to go sorry wow who was that uh he's a musician who's been lost on my property for now since COVID. A great guy and always able to give us information that we needed just right in that moment. He played with what band? I'm trying to remember the band that he played with. Townland. Oh, yeah, Townland.

Hey, Jimmy. Gotta go! They haven't seen you in five years, though. You haven't played with him, right? We had to fall now. Creative differences. You should put maybe Bing. Townland could have an album in your jukebox.

You know, we one time had live performance in the mall shop. Who was it? Cool. Was it, it wasn't this band that's not performing any longer, is it? What? Wayne Newton? No, Wayne Newton actually is performing. He's on the mall shop.

Oh, he's on the mall shop. Do you mean Shanana? Shana, yeah. It was not a whole group, but it was one guy. It looked like a 1950s guy. Okay. Yeah, a real big mouth. Okay.

It wasn't Martha Ray. It wasn't. She wouldn't drink a mop because she said I got stuck in her denters. Oh, wow. Is that ringing any bells for you? You bet it is. She never had teeth. This episode, this episode,

this episode is somehow, they never grew in? Nope. Neither baby nor adult. She never had teeth from the day she was born. Just a dude. toothless monster. No, she was a delightful lady. And still somehow became the Martha Ray

that we all know and love, and all the listeners, of course, know who Martha Ray is. The big mouth. That's Ray with me, by the way. It's amazing that we've heightened from Dred Zeppelin to Martha Ray. We're getting older. We're getting more and more.

This is someone who was born in 1916. Who wants to talk about Orson B? Holy shit. So, yeah, who, so this guy came over and he performed it. Yeah, greasy hair and a big mouth. And this is, Jason, this is John Bowser Bauman. It does sound like. Is this John Bowser Bauman?

I don't remember his name is me a black t-shirt. Was it rolled up? Was it rolled up in the sleeves? Pompadour? It was sort of just like slicked back. Did he have the biggest muscles you'd ever seen? The shoes muscles. Was he extremely active in Democratic politics?

He was extremely active in democratic politics. He went on to host Match Games. Okay, this is John Belmont, No, Hollywood Square. He was a guest on the match game part of it. He would have been, like Washington Bean. He would have been a guest on there with Charles Nelson Riley, Gary Berghoff, Ferry Flagg. But he was Center, he was at.

Brett Summers. Was he Center Square? No, he was the host. Whalen Flayland Flowers and Matt. Way of flowers a madam. Orson Bean. I said him. George Plympton.

George Plimpton. From the Paris Review. McLean Stevenson. Captain Stuby? No, that, of course, I was Gavin McLeod. Oh, Gavin McLeod. Thank you. McLean Stevenson from Mash.

Fred Grandi. Lauren Toos. Do you remember anything about that? Bernie Copel. Do you remember anything of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? Do you remember anything about that night? James. The Madrelle sisters.

Do you remember anything about the performance that John Bowser Bowman? I remember he said, I don't usually do this alone. What was he referred to? What was he going to do? What did he end of it? This was before his performance. And then he would just be silent for a while to shuffle around. And then every once in a while I go, yeah.

That sounds like him. He just did his usual part of a group performance. You know what? It was pretty and exciting, I got to say. People really like it. Just you hear the squeaking of the sneakers? Yeah, they would try to. You know what?

They would try to time the yeah along with him. So they could sing along. It's all like karaoke. Sometimes because you would never, you'd never see him taking a breath so you couldn't see. Wow. And so, but every once in a while it would hit, it was very exciting. That sounds very. I will say this is so interesting and so fascinating because we've talked about

Sean Anas so much and John Bowser-Bahman, but this firsthand experience... First-hand again. You seldom hears a firsthand account. And it makes me feel sad for our friend who loves Seanana so much. Was there a guy hanging out, by the way, in the crowd? Do you remember any... Maybe trying to scream, sing the parts that were not being sung, maybe trying to participate. No, well, I mean, everybody was trying to participate. One guy looked very angry. And I remember he had his hands He had his arms crossed

Just sitting in the booth and He had like the longest shoes I never seen I think It might be It was a clown Is it possible Even longer than that Is it possible

The shoes were water skis? Is it possible the shoes were water skis And were they made of meat If I'm remembering correct That's very specific Waterlogged meat? That's very thing

Was it wet meat? I don't go anywhere near the sea, so I can't confirm or deny what you're discussing. Was it billed as Sean Anah, or was it billed as John Bowser-Bowman? It was billed as all of Sean Hanna, all of them everyone. All of them ever. Yeah. So this guy that we're thinking it must have been pretty disappointed when it ended up just being John Bowser-Bowman. I think because he was there before anybody else.

Oh, wow. How long was it, did he come beforehand? A couple days. A couple days. Wow. He camped out? Yeah. We let him.

At least he had something to eat. We let him sleep at the booth. His skis, you mean? That's what I mean. Yeah. He slept in the booth gnawing on his water skis until the performance. I guess. I guess so.

Wow. That's this, it sounds like this guy. I will say, that is very interesting. Yeah. Ben? Ben, are you okay? Is everything all right? Phil Bing.

Not you, Ben. Do we need a deathbed? Well, I would. I wouldn't mind it. But I was just thinking I should add that to the paperback of my memoir. A story that you weren't here for? Yes. Has the book already been released?

Oh, certainly. Oh, we want to talk about this. Oh, yeah. Was it called again? It's called Now and Ben. Now and Ben. Now, you know what? That's great.

Boy, that's good. Thanks a lot. That's a good title. That's great. Especially because it's such a good title and it was precipitated by just a glimpse of panic in your eyes. Just like the hint of panic and then boom, right there. Right there.

But you know what? I want to talk to you about this, Ben Alterman. I want to talk to you about this. But we do need to take a break. Oh, all right. So why don't we pause on this talking about the memoir? We'll press pause. And then when we come back, we can get a full accounting of the memoir.

P-A-W-S? Sure. Why not? I like to press pause. Yes. They smell like popcorn, don't they? They do smell like popcorn. All right, we're going to take a break.

But when we come back, we're going to have more Jason Manzoukis, more Bing Lujo. And we're going to talk all about Ben Alterman's memoir. Now and Ben, look at panic on my face, trying to remember it. We're going to come right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, Bang, we won't quit. We're here with Jason Manzukas, of course. Jason, what's on the horizon free? When will you quit, do you think?

We're not going to. You won't. You won't quit. You just are saying, you were willing to say now, we will not quit. We will not quit. We can be canceled. Yeah, certainly. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you got to watch out for being canceled. Oh, yeah. Uh-oh, these days. There's cancel culture. Cancel culture. There was a little bit of time in between them, I think. Although, there was some overlap. Is there anything more rock and roll than cancel culture?

I tell you. I hate them both equal. We have a big. Luzzo here, of course, of Bing Lujo's Malshop. Bing Luzo's Malshap. That's right. And then we also have Ben Alterman. Oh, yeah. An older gentleman here. Well, older than what?

Older than everyone else in this room. In that case, you're correct. Yes. And you have a new memoir out now in Ben. Yeah. And this is hardback. It's going to come out first and hard. How hard are you hoping?

Well, they promised me titanium. Oh, wow. That's a publisher. That's very expensive and very lightweight metal. I didn't know that you could choose the hardness of the hard bag. Well, it was a big part of the negotiation. I four went in advance. Wow. I said, don't pay me anything to the spec.

I did because I says, when you publish it, titanium cover, please. Wow. And so you got that. I got that. Wow. But they said only for the first three. Well, there'll be collectors' items. Well, that's right.

They will be. That's right. Do you think you'll do a signing? What? It's signing of the book? Or like, yeah. What do you think he's talking about? Or you think you're going to learn ASL. Yeah.

I said, it's too late for me to learn a language. Yes, sure, I'll sign the book. You like, when you do a proper, at your age, a book tour? Like, is that something you can withstand? I'm going to do, yes, a book tour, and I'm going to read from the book, and then I'm going to sign the book. And then all of this, by the way, I just have to say, unless first I die. Right. Now, what would you...

Of course, what would you prefer? I think everybody should say that about everything. Yeah, unless first I die. I'll see you at lunch tomorrow. Unless first I die. Yeah. Yeah, what would you prefer? What would I prefer?

To die or to do the book tour? It's a tough one. Yeah, if I would. That is a tough one. I think I'd rather do the book to it. You would, yeah. I mean, even though it's a lot of work, I'm sure. It's a grind.

It must be worth it, though. But I'm not going to read the book myself at my... age. I'm having Benicio del Toro and Johnny Depp come and read the book for them. Okay. So cool. Are they doing the audio book as well? I believe so. Well, the two of them are fighting over

it, but I said you can alternate chapters. Will they be together at every event? Will they be together at every event or will they switch off? I think they'll be together at every event. So every event, you're going to read the entire book? That's right. Switching off chapters or maybe as you say sentences, it's not a bad idea.

How many pages is it the book? Well, they haven't told me yet, but I think it's going to be in the neighborhood of a thousand pages. Thousand pages. I mean, you're an old old man. I'm a very old man, and I put everything in there. Well, no, you didn't. You've mentioned a number of things today that you did not put in. Martha Ray.

That's right. The shitting president. Yeah, the shitting president. I didn't put in there the three years that I spent touring with Bob Dylan playing the banjo. That's not in there. Whoa. That's huge. I thought you hated rock and rock.

Oh, this is during his folk. Yeah, this is in the folk boom. Were you the guy who yelled Judas at him? Yes, I did. You bet I did. He went electric. Can you believe the nerve? Yeah.

He had been prior to that acoustic. Oh, yeah, all the way. You were there in the cafe Wad day. Sure I was. Do you think anyone yelled Bob Dylan at Judas? Back in the day. Okay. That would have been wild.

Okay. That would have been wild. Wow. That's the last supper right after the. kiss right after the kiss Bob Dylan who? The apostles would be like what are you talking about?

You'll find out it would have to be Jesus to say it right? It would have to Yeah, a time traveler You love you Bob Dylan Oh man when they invent Time travel that's the first thing I'm going to do

Yeah go back and call Judas Bob jelly Not calling that Just shout it at him Oh What's the divine distinction Did Jesus know the future Did Jesus No the future? That's a great question

Was he like, yeah, did he know He knew that he was supposed to die Did he have ESP? Like where does it stop? Where does that knowledge stop? You know, like he clearly had some understanding of what, or is he just reading the room and being like, these people aren't cool with what I'm doing

I'm probably going to die I think the second one, I think he was asking for it. Oh, really? You think he was, your victim blaming Jesus Christ? You bet I am. He did have a lot of war. Morning. He sure did. It'll ride an ass into Jerusalem. Never mind what he did to the money lenders.

Exactly. You've got to figure the moneylenders alone are pissed enough to kill him. What about that tree he cursed? And nobody likes Lazarus, by the way. Yeah, they were all so psyched. Don't bring him back from the dead. So what is in the book, Ben? What else is in the book? Like, imagine this is your book tour, which I guess this might be the first stop on your book tour. Oh, yeah. That publicity tour. Yeah. Sell us on the book. What is in the book? Well, I've got a chapter on salted butter.

And I've got a chapter on unsalted butter. Okay. Are they right after each other? No. Okay. Were you, did you work in dairy in some way, shape, or form? Or salt at all? No, no, no.

We have a friend who works in salt. We do. Oh, no. I just for a time, I was putting salted butter on everything. Then I says, they've got unsalted butter. Let me give that a try. Okay. Okay.

gave that a try for a while. Now, I go back and forth between salted and unsalted, because the truth is I like them both. And so I got a chapter on solter, and I got a chapter on unsalted. Okay. There's a, um, there was a while that I worked in a paint store. Oh, wow. And so I talk a little bit about the different ways that you mix up. What did you, oh, so you were mixing the paint. I was mixing the paint. And what are the ways that you can mix up? Well, these days, they have these automatic mixes and you put it on there and it does it for you. But back in the day, you'd get a stick and you put a stick in the painted, you'd mix it. So that's a lot of the book.

And back in the day, when you were doing it, did you have to add the lead? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had, yeah. That was a little like in a vial or pipette or something. You would just pour it in there. Yeah, you'd have to melt it down. You'd have to melt down a big piece of lead. And sometimes we, you know, if you get a little on your fingers, you'd, oh, yeah.

Oh, wait, you'd lick it off? Yeah, you'd lick it off. Yeah, you'd lick the molten lead off. A lot of boys died that way. Oh, I bet. When they, if you were a lead boy at the paint shop. And then, you know, of course, there were times, if your family fell on hard times, you know, they take your toy soldiers and then they melt them down at the paint shop for a little extra cash. That's right.

That's right. Wow. Those were good times. That's how I got into Warhammer. Oh, really? Those little figurines? You and Henry Cavill. I was reclaiming my lead, you know?

Wow. Reclaiming the lead. Reclaiming my lead. Well, that's a great sentiment. So, Ben, I have to say, most of your book. Yes. Look, you've lived a long time. I certainly have.

And a lot happens to a human being. Oh, yes. When they're on this earth, regardless of how long they live. But you've been on this earth for 94 years. Yes. That's because I'm 94 years old. It seems to me like you could have left out some of the stuff that you put into the book because it's not all that interesting.

and you could have put in some of the stuff that you left out. And maybe there's... Well, but that's true of any book. He's got you there. See that? I didn't even tell you about... Do you know there's a whole thing in there about different kinds of bread? Oh, wow.

Like what kinds? Well, there's whole wheat bread, and that's 100% whole wheat. Yeah. Okay. Whole. That's where the whole is. That's right. Yeah.

And then, no, it's just about that. It's just about the fact that whole wheat exists? Yes. And yeah. Wow. Okay, look, your book sounds shitty. What are you talking about? Wait a minute.

Scott, I think that's a little root. Because if you think about the Bible, not to bring up the Bible again, but there's like long, long chapters about who began, who, who began, who, who began who. And who has ever read Ruth or whatever. They just gloss over how God created the world. They just said he created this. Like, how? That's just like a prolog. And it's also like, yeah, I was going to say that all that interesting stuff is handled so quickly at the beginning.

I know. And then it's like, even though he rested for a day, tell me about that. What's he doing on his day off? He does a prank on this one guy to get him to kill his own son. And then we don't get, what about the PTSD for that? That was the original jackass. Yeah, I was just going to say that's classic Knoxville. Yeah.

I taught John Paul the second how to box. Really? This is in the book. That's not in the book. Wait a minute. What? He wanted to learn how to box. Who was he thinking he might have to fight?

Oh, is it? devil. This is after he got shot? After he got shot, he said, I want to be able to defend myself. Against bullets? So you taught him out a box. I did, and he was good. Were you at the bad again?

Wait, you taught him out of box? So you taught him how to get into the box? That little, the Popemobile box. The Popemobile box? I taught him both things. Wow. Wow. Two boxes.

Two boxes. And he didn't want his dukeboxed either. Oh, don't box. Don't box is juke. How long were you at that? the Vatican doing this. I was in the Vatican for three years teaching him how to box. Wow. This is

what else happened to you while you were there? He was one of the best boxes of all time by then. Wow. Well, I read of all time. Wow. He fought Ali. He did. Yeah. In his prime? Wait, at what age? Not in his prime. Ali was in rough shape

at that point, but you don't pass up the opportunity to box the Pope. No, sure. Well, I mean, like, you've got to say like Ali probably felt like he couldn't say no. I think that's true. They set up a ring in the basilica, and it was a lot of fun. I love the bishops watched it.

Wow. A real conclave. Do you beat the shit out of Ali? Well, to be honest, yeah, he kind of did. He kind of did it. He knocked him out. Oh, no. He did, yeah.

But it's not an official knockout on it in his actual record, right? No, no, no. It's not reflected in anyone's reckoned. To be fair, you know, the Pope was he was 22 years older than Muhammad. so Muhammad Ali had a good shot he was younger it was kind of a fair fight he's a great boxer they should make like conclave two about this any of the the young pope now make him the old pope who bachers the old pope who boxed the two popes but the two popes make them box each other yeah that would have been great I'd love to see

this sounds fascinating put it in the book I well maybe it's not too late but I think it is you had such an issue like you are you don't want to talk him to move the Popa Dope? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Wow. The Rumbillica in the Basilica. Wow.

Is when he pulled the Popadope. And knocked out Ollie. Ali should have seen it coming. Oh, God. Wow. I mean, this is the kind of juicy story. Is it float like a butterfly, sting like the Holy See? Yeah.

Exactly. I mean, you were there for three years. Did anything else happen to you while you were, I mean, like, well, I had access to certain forbidden texts. Oh. Like, why were they forbid? Why were they forbidden? Well, they refute the Bible and things like that. They refute the Bible.

Ben, I'm not going to lie. We're almost two hours into the podcast. No, no. We're only an hour and 20. What? How is this? How has this not come up? And how is this not in the book?

Well, but let me try to help you understand. I did not know that you could make unsalted butter. I thought it was always salted. I thought it was mixed in. Well, yes. That's what I thought. Of course. No, no, but in the Vatican, the secret books in the Vatican.

Yes. They refute the Bible. Come to think of it. I don't know what kind of butter they were serving in the Vatican. Enough about the butter, Ben. Because it came in a little dish. Ben, what? Tell us about these texts.

He's forbidden. texts that refute the Bible. What do you mean? How do they reflect? There's a secret library. Right? And you've got to be led in there by a bishop and then you sit there and he watches your read.

It's very awkward. And you got to wear these cotton gloves and I'll tell you these clubs are fascinating. Enough of bad. I don't want to hear about the clothes. They're very comfortable. Very soft. But they're not good for the winter. Oh no, of course.

Cold air will shoot right through these gloves. God, damn. I want to hear about what kind of. What kind of evidence is in these books that refutes the Bible? It says the Bible is a sham or? Well, name one thing that's in the Bible. Adam and Eve. Yeah, that's not true.

Is it Adam and Steve? It just says that's not true? In the book? Yeah. There's a whole other text of the Old Testament and it just says, Adam and Eve, not true. Didn't happen. Wow.

Yeah, and it's older. It's older. It's the original stuff. Oh, wow. So the even older testament? Yes, the even older testament. It's all there. So the book basically says, look, if anybody tells you these stories, they're not true.

That's right. And then they wrote the Bible. And then they wrote the Bible. They should never have done that. And so all the popes and everyone know that the Bible isn't true. Oh, sure they do. Yeah, that's right. That's what drove Benedict crazy.

Really? Yes. Wow. Uh-huh. This is, I mean, what a story. And yet none of this is in your... So interesting, but not, again, not in the book. It's not in the book.

But there is quite a bit of just unanswered emails in the book. I don't know if you understand. Some bread that is marketed as whole wheat is not 100% whole week. It's hard to keep them on topic. It's really hard to keep them on topic. So that's in there. It's got to be in there. So this is like a 11th of your life, this three years you spend.

Oh, even more than that. I don't have any idea. You're in your final 11th of your life It's crazy to think about sometimes Aren't you always in the final 11th of your life If you're divided by 11 I thought you were going to sing for a second Aren't you always

Divided by 11 Were you ever married to anyone else Other than Martha Watt? Oh, you bet you I was married many, many times I was married to Queen Elizabeth Queen Elizabeth I was

I was married to Mahatma Gandhi You're kidding me That's true Are you This is fascinating And this is all in the book It's all No, none of that is in the book

That's too personal Yeah, it's too personal Well that's what a memory What years were you married To Queen Elizabeth? Queen Elizabeth when she was 14 years old Okay Or at least saying she was 14

I hope she wasn't lying about her I said Yeah Well I says I'm interested in a child bride please Wait who did you say that too to the guys with the big black hats. So the Royal Guard?

Bookingham Palace. I went in there and I says, may I have a child, Brian. Anyways, I married the Queen Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth, by the way, is four years older than you. Well, let's see.

That just about works. I was 18. Yes. No. She's four years older. God damn it. She was 22 and she told me she was 14. And you were 11.

I was 11. God. God damn it. Was I? No, you were 18. I was 18. You were 18. All of us trying to do math this episode and failing spectacularly is incredible.

If only we knew Chisholmop. So it was 1948. You were married to Queen Elizabeth. Yes. Incredible. Yeah, we had it a knolled. You did. Yeah, we weren't very long at all.

She's supposed to marry someone like in that world, you know. In the royal world. like another royal. Like, we know a guy who's in that world. She's supposed to marry a cousin. Yeah. And I, they're getting on a spaceship. They're going someplace.

But it was a marriage for love. Not in particular. Oh. No. Convenience? I was trying to become a citizen of England at the time. Opportunity. This is 1948.

Why were you trying to do that? 1948 because I wanted some of that sweet rebuilding from the Blitz money. Oh, sure. You were looking to get a bunch of loose bra. Bricks. To bring back to the United States. Oh, you wanted to bring them back. That's nice.

Yes, yes. I was what's known as a war profiteer. You were. Yes. Okay. This is making sense. Yeah. So, but none of this is in the book.

Oh, no. None of that is in the book. No. Uh, no. But after the war, I went all across Europe and I picked up loose bricks. And I sent them back to the United States. And we built prisons. Oh, wow.

So from war profiteer to the prison industrial complex? Oh, yes. You're a villain. What you're talking about? I don't mind saying it now. I think you might be a bad guy. What typeface do you use? It's always American typewriter for me.

Oh, I can't get past that American type. It looks good. It's beautiful. Ben, did you imagine you were married to Mahatma Gandhi? I'm not married to Mahatma Gandhi? No, Ben. I'm sorry. I'm talking to Ben.

No, not you bin. Your name is Bing, actually. I'm Bing. Yeah. Yes, I was married to Mahatma Gandhi. Who, the male. That's right. Yeah.

Who don't be so hung up, man. Okay. I'm just saying, wow. What is this gotcha? What is, where? Let him love who he loves. I'm just saying this was before your marriage to Queen Elizabeth because Mahatma Gandhi died in 48. And you were married.

So were you with him until his death? This is not covered in the movie Gandhi as far as I know. No, they wouldn't put it in there. It makes sense why you would marry Elizabeth without being in love, which is grief. You were grieving. I was grieving for my lost Mahatma. We were married very briefly. I was 17.

He was however old he was. This is 1947. Yes. Okay. So, yes. And I regret to this day shooting him. Oh, wait. Oh, no.

dear. Uh-oh. It was a mistake, and I would take it back if I could. It was a quarrel, and I feel terrible. I feel awful to this a day. Wow. You know, it's water under the bridge at this point. No, I mean, barely anyone remembers who he was.

Okay, good. Yeah. But that is not in the book. How many times have you been married? I've been married, let's see here. I'm 94. Is that part of it? Huh?

When you think of how many times you've been married? been married. First thing you have to do is establish how old you are. That's right. Okay. You'll see. You'll see when you get engaged. You'll be. I've been married, I think, about 30 times. Oh, wow. 30 times. 30 times. 30 dollars. Well, no, but times married. Wow. Incredible. Martha Ray, Muhammad Gandhi, Queen Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth. 27 other people. That's right. Three of them were Judy Garland. Oh, multiple times. You got. kept coming back to it. Yes, that's right.

Wow. So those, when you can't get, when you, there's something there like Ben Affleck and J-Lo. They are just magnetically drawn to each other. Exactly. Were you ever married to Ban Affleck or J-Lo? Yes. I, we were in a thruple. I love that you know what a thruple is.

Can you handle it? You square? Yeah. Yeah, you nerd. All right. I'm just saying society would have looked down on it. And you are society? No, I'm just saying, don't blame society for your hang-ups, man.

Yeah, you square. I'm just like, I don't think it was legal. Let's just say that. Oh, in that sense. It was barely legal. I suppose, I suppose. It sounds like a very disappointing book, but hey, I mean, how are the pre-sales? Oh, off the charts, they tell me, off the charts.

Meaning lower than the charts can... All they said was we don't see it on the charts. Okay. But that sounds good to me. You can pre-order it on, not on Amazon, but on Alibaba. Okay. What is Alibaba? Alibaba?

It's the Chinese Amazon. Oh. Is it available for pre-order on Alibaba? Is it on the Silk Road perhaps? Probably. The Dark Web? I would love to buy this on the dark web. Oh, is that real? I don't know.

How do you get onto it? Do you go to darkweb.com? Yeah. Worth to try. Type it in. All right. Maybe it's the dark web. Could be.

Darkweb.com. Maybe it's just frozen now. Oh, no. My computer's frozen. You're on your way. Maybe it's dark. This I can't be reached. Dark.

Dot web. Dark. Web. Let's see. The, let me try the darkweb. com. There you go.

Oh, the dark web.com. Oh, the domain named the dark web. com is for sale. Oh. Let's buy it. Guess how much if we just want to buy it now, or we can make an offer.

$50. $60,000. What? I wonder how long this person has had that and has been trying to sell it. Yeah. Should we make an offer? Let's pool our money and buy it and have it redirect to shahana.com. That would be incredible.

I like this. I love this idea. Let it be known. Can we low ball them, do you think? Let's low ball. How much money do we have on it? I have $15. I would be willing to give $1,000 to this endeavor.

$1,000? So we're up to $1,015. My money is owning coins. I got one of the machines I wear around my waist. So cool. I love a money-changing machine. But it's all gold coins. Oh, it's all gold? So how much do you have? Debloons?

Some are de blooms. Oh, that's great. Yeah. So how much if you had to tally it up? Probably, uh, something like... I like that you're looking down there. Yeah. Just to see how many are loaded in there. It's like they're all full.

So I'd say I've got somewhere and enabled a $750,000 cost for me. Jesus Christ. That covers us. Oh, we can. Well, I'm not going to buy the whole thing. I thought there's a treasure. He'll put in a thousand. I'll put in 15.

Wait, are you wearing that around the malt shop? I wear it everywhere I go. You got to be careful. That's too much. People shouldn't even be saying that on the pot. People are going to steal that from you. Well,

they shouldn't do that. Has anyone ever broken into the shop or? How successful is the mall shop? Over the years has been break in. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. The guy who was hanging around the Shana and a performance. Did he ever break into the shop afterwards?

I remember he did come back once after hours. Really? Yeah. He came back after hours. Yes. That night or? Later, the next day. The next day, but after hours.

Yes. He came back. Did he wrap on the door? He wrapped, wrapped on the door. What happened? Now, I was nearly napping. Sure. Nearly napping.

But then you heard. A rap type tapping. Right. Upon the most shop door. Of course. And then what did you do at this point? I turned. and I said, oh, there's nobody there.

It's just a bust of palace. Buster Poindexter? Yeah, we have a bust of poindexter. A bust of pointexter? We have a bust of Poindexter. That nerd. That's, of course, in the corner of the mulchop. Sure.

Just to honor him. Along with a number of dolls from New York. That's right. We call them the New York dolls. Yeah. Right. And I look and I see, oh, behind the buster of Poindexter, I see a figure outside. Okay.

Is it like a shadowy figure, like someone who might be with Herman's Hermits or? That was my first thought. Is that a hermit? I went up to the door and I said, who goes there? And I heard the guy say, what did he say? It was dip, do do, do. Oh, did it sound a little like this? I'm so sorry.

Yeah. What's up, hot dog? Oh, did it sound exactly like that? Hey, you guys, what am I doing here? What's going on? Sorry to summon you, hot dog. I hope you weren't busy. Scott Ackman and Jason Manzukas.

Well, as you could see from my feet, I was about to go skiing. Oh, man. Oh, man. Those look like fresh salamis on there. They are fresh salamis. They are wet, though. Yeah, they're pretty wet, Aunt Sandy. Yeah.

Hey, this is our good friend Bing Lujo. Hi, Big. And a guy we know, Ben Alterman. Hello. Now, you were in my mall shop a few years ago. Well, I've been to a lot of malt chops, my friend. You can't expect me to remember all of them. You have no malt chop memories?

Do you have maltchop dementia? Oh, no. Oh, no. Maltop dementia. Hot dog has been stricken with maltchop dementia. Dementia? No, hot dog. Oh, hot dog, no.

I don't remember a single malt chop, you guys. I can't think of one. We're so sorry. No, it's bad. Have you been doing mulchop crosswords or anything like that? You've got to do some puzzles or something. Hot dog dip-dood to do what? No, I'm trying.

I'm trying to bring back some of these maltchop memories. It's huge news. Learn a new malt language. This is a huge, I mean. I'm doing the mallchop pseudocos. Oh, no. Okay. Okay.

Okay, that's good. That's good. You've been on this show for 17 years. We're all aging. You know, we're all over 50. Yeah. At this point, you've all seen the Dred Zeppelin documentary. Of course, of course.

And, you know, I mean, this happens to the best of us. It's sad, though, because I'm sure I've got some wonderful mulchap memories that, but they're rattling around. I'm sure so many of them were about the band Seanana now that you love. Do you remember that you love Seanana? Of course, I remember that I love Seanana. Okay. Okay.

Let me provide you with a mulchap memory of your very own. Really? Years ago, you came to my mall shop. Bing Lujo's mall shop. It's right there in the corner. And we were advertising Shana, all of them, every single one. Oh, I would have come to that.

Well, you did. I did. But the only one that showed up was the guy in the black t-shirt with the big mouth. John Bowser, Balm? He has the huge muscles. That's the thing. Yeah.

Huge muscles. He's so jacked. Huge muscles. And he started doing his show, and I think you were mad because it was only him. I would have been mad if it was only him and it was advertised to the whole shop.

And what he did was he just got to shuffle back and forth and then every once in a while and go, yeah. It was like that dancing in the street video where they take the music out. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, right? Don't they call that a mash-up or something like that? It's not a mash-up, no, but it says a bad name for it. It's a mash-out. Yeah.

You just hear them panting the entire time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, guys, speaking of mash-ups, I just got to say real quick, when you go to the Dred Zeppelin website. Okay. Not only is the splash page dedicated to a documentary. Oh, good. By the way, we've done more to promote. We're the Dred Zeppelin Street team.

We have done more to promote Dred Zeppelin than they are doing. And it doesn't even need promoting because everybody watches it when they turn 50 automatically. If you scroll down, there's numbers. It says 36 years active, 49 countries toured 1001 iconic messups. Wait, what? Oh, because... What does that one? I kind of mack them.

So, wait, have they done... Is that like a thousand and one night? Have they done... Yeah, like in Arabia? Like, yes. Was the king gonna cure them? The day they ran out of mashups? Right.

Yes, and the king needed a story. And the king finally let Dred Zeppelin go? Dred Zeppelin. Every night they were like, we got to do a new mashup for the king. Otherwise, so... That's the Dred Zeppelin story that they don't tell in the documentary. And listen, if you're under 50, you don't know this from. the documentary, but this is in the director's cut.

Why didn't they put the most interesting things in their documentary? Now you get it. Now you get it. Now you get what? So anyway, are there even a thousand one reggae songs? I don't know. I mean, that's a whole genre. I know it's not a

thousand one Elvis song. Okay, so continued to tell hot dogs, who has, of course, maltchop dementia. Was he wearing a black t-shirt? Was he wearing a black T-shirt. He's wearing a black t-shirt. Was he wearing a black leather jacket? Cleaves rolled up. Was there were there tiny jukeboxes

on the tables? There were little jukebox on the tables. Yeah. And there was an even tinier one. Wait, you didn't see a tiny jukebox that only the mice can see. I remember I have a crazy memory of watching a tiny mouse put a tiny coin into a tiny jukebox. What

song came out? What song came out? It was weirdly enough. It was the witch doctor by the chip marks. That's right. Oh my God! I have a ball chop memory!

You have a recovered ball shop memory. Oh, wow. Wow. Now we know you have your good days and your bad days, but today at least is a good day where you remember at least the mouse putting the tiny coin into the jukebox. But do you remember what happened afterwards?

Oh, let's see. I remember I left. You're upset. Yeah, I was real mad. And about 24 hours passed. Oh, something like that. And I came back and I read it. Rap rap wrapped on the door.

Right. That's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah. And then you said doop do do do wa. Sure, of course I did. Yeah.

That's what I remember. Shana-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-da-ha-oh. Stuff like that. And then what happened? Did you come in? You remember what happened. It was after hours? It was after hours.

I was the only one in the shop. Right. Okay. I know. I know what happened. What happened? I had wrangled up the. rest of the members of Sean Nona.

All what, how many other members would there have been? At that time, there's got to be a lot of them. 27. Down to York, screaming Scott. The whole game. Sure, yeah. I remember Dirty Dan was there? Yeah, of course.

Five. There would have been five of them at that time. Five. Only five. Because if you can't remember the others, I bet Ben can. Oh, Ben. Yeah, Ben, do you know the other members of Sean on? Yeah, yeah, just give me a moment.

No, it's okay. Yeah, no, I can get there. Give him a second. I think it's probably in my notes app. Yeah, of course, I know some of them. 50 episodes ago, let's see here. There's all sorts of recipes in there. There's, of course, Vinnie Taylor, who was born Chris Donald.

He replaced Billy Schwartz as the lead guitarist in 71. Who was he born? But he died of a drug overdose in 74. And we all know that escaped child killer Elmer, Edward Sali assumed Taylor's identity and performed as him. Wait. Though not with Sean Ana, which eventually led to his discovery and capture. No.

Is that a real? Wait, how have we never? Wait a minute. No. We have never. What is going to talk about this with you, hot dog? Hot dog. No, I don't like to talk about that.

Hot dog. That's not exactly a... What the fuck? That's not a glowing chapter in the Shanana story. This is huge Seananae news that we were unaware of. A murder of a member of Seanana. We've been talking about Shanaana for... What feels to me

16 years. Now, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Maybe it's that he doesn't, it's not so much that he doesn't like to talk about it, but his son dip dude at the downing. Oh,

he's forgotten it. Yeah. He's forgotten. If you'd asked him earlier in the day, he would have been, he would have remembered. Right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. You're right. But I mean, we've been talking about John, I know, for 16 years. Uh-huh.

And some of your antics, quite honestly, have paralleled those of killer Elmer Edward Sali. Well, this is like a true crime documentary or true crime podcast waiting to happen. Yeah, you're really interested in true crime. I love true crime.

You were going to do that podcast. Wait, did you just call him original fig? Oh, shit. You just call me original fig. I'm sorry. You're being lucio. That is Bing Lucio, man. I don't like true crime.

But Scott, you're right. Original fig does love true crime and is going to do a true crime podcast. With Neptune. I may have been confused due to early information that I was giving. Wait a second, Neptune just arrived. Neptune. What's going? I didn't know that just by saying Neptune, he would arrive.

I thought that by saying Original Fig, he would apparate here. What he's talking about? Oh, hey. Original Fig! What's up OF? What's going on? Hey, Neptune. Hey, are you guys ever going to do your podcast together about original?

Of course we are. Absolutely. Well, you guys definitely should because we have a first person, a. count here of a hot dog here knows the Shana murderer. Hold on a second. You got a first-hand account of a hot dog? You got to listen a little bit longer. I was there when they served the first hot dog. Ben, this is Ben Alterman. Oh, good. Now at least we have

at least a quorum. Okay, so there is a firsthand account of a hot dog, but if you listen a little bit longer to Jason's sentence, we have a first-hand account of the Seanana, killer. The Seananah killer. Are you aware of this? I know you want to do a true crime podcast. This is a great one because it involves a popular band, which is... Hold on a second.

Elmer Edward... Sully. Sully. Yeah. Yeah. Not Sully. Who someone else is on the show. That's right, Natura.

So you know about him too. I've been talking to do an episode of him, but we don't have anybody who knows or has any connection to the Shana. Well, we do now, and it's hot dog. It's hot dog right here. Meet him now. Right here. I can tell you all about it.

Tell us, I mean, well, I mean, you might want to save it for the podcast. No, it's okay. Let's let Neptune and hot dog, and I guess Ben work this. Yeah, sure. Okay, go ahead. Well, like I said, it is a little late in the day. If I could all, if it was morning and I had a fresh bowl of blueberries, I might be able to tell you everything. We should record the episode of the podcast.

podcast, morning, blueberry, post-blueberries. You shall have an ashiibo. That's a superfruit. Yes. Sure it is. Yeah. Mornings are better for me, too, actually.

Oh, Neptune? Are you also experiencing dementia? Oh, sure. I think anyone who's on this show long enough, eventually us, we'll all get there. But early onset, please, please. I'm a young man. Well, this is exciting news.

I mean, exciting. addition to the Shananao lore that I was not aware of. Yeah. This is fascinating. I really do hope genuinely that we get to probe it more, or I get to at least listen to people, dissect

this crime. Dissect this aspect of the story. I got to tell you, Shahnanao fans don't like this story very much because it's a story of a guy who committed a murder and then just wanted to blend in with regular society, so claim to be a member of Shanaana. I mean, that is, this is

incredible. How has this not been made into a movie? Do you think maybe because of the child killing aspect? Oh, was it a child? He killed a child? He was a child killer. Oh, okay. Or he was an escaped child who was also a killer.

Okay. Now that's a movie. That's a movie. A child murderer who pretends to be an adult. An adult, do loggis-in-her. It gets away with it for 11 years. This I want Was that what it was?

Yeah, that's what it was all of that. Wow, I got to hear this episode of your podcast. We got to get the kid from adolescence in it. Oh, yeah. This is going to be amazing. Wow, I cannot wait for this. I can't wait for this. I can't wait.

Well, guys, I can't wait. You can't wait. You can come up out of the water for the, for the podcast if you have to. I have to. Well, guys. Can you do it like where you just in a bath tub with your head sticking out? I am. Good acoustic.

Yep. Just a shana nah, nah. Well, guys, we are unfortunately running out of time on our 950th episode. Why? What time is it? 420, bud. Yeah, bro. Yeah.

Well, I guess we ought to get high. Ben. Ben just pulled out a fucking doobie, bro. Let's spark up. All right. Did you follow the dupy brothers around for a while? I gave them their name What?

Yes, I do. This should be in the... Oh, God. Well, we only have time for one final feature, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs. I always get confused if the plug bag is open or closed. Usually check me, it's usually closed when it's open or is it... Or something like that.

All right. That was the plug bags probably open or closed right now by Fatty Mac. Thanks to Fatty Maddie. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs, and you can upload it there. Do you think it's last name is Bumballadi? Probably. I hope so. What are we plugging guys?

Jason, what do you got here? Oh, I'll plug Percy Jackson. It's on now Disney. And or the Olympians. Where are we in time right now? The end of January, my dear boy. End of Jan. So if you are in New York City and want to see me on Broadway, the all-out play that I

I am a part of with Sarah Silverman and Craig Robinson and a bunch of other great people. I will have seen it already last week. Yes. And you said you loved it. Absolutely. Come see me on Broadway, Percy Jackson and Taskmaster Season 19. It's all available on YouTube. Every episode of Taskmaster is on YouTube.

They're so funny. Watch it. Go check those out. There's a podcast. Lots of great people from this show have been on the podcast. That's right. My friend Paul F. Tompkins, I believe, was on the podcast. Very fun.

Great episode. Yeah. Fantastic. All right. Original fig, what do you want to plug? Well, you know, this show Varietopia I've talked to you about before. Oh, yeah, we've talked about this. I love this show.

I've been on this show. It's a great show. Have you ever had it at the Gassemonee liquor? They're asking a little bit too much money. Oh, really? Yeah. How much money are the... $200.

Oh, and that's more than you pay per performances down there? It's community-based, you know? Liquor storage the home in the community. That's right, yeah. So everybody kind of pitches in. So instead, you go to that show. instead of that show coming to you. That's exactly right.

That's usually what happens. That's usually what happens. So they got a St. Patrick's Day show coming up that's going to be a lodge room on St. Patrick's Day, 17th of March. It's going to be live streamed as well. Where does that fall in the days of the week? I think it's a Tuesday. A Tuesday? Wow.

Okay. I think it's a Tuesday. All right. And then also they're going to be at the Bell House in Brooklyn in April. Wow. That's coming up. The tickets are on sale now, though. But you can go to, um,

Variatopia.com And get your tickets there. Okay. And Bing Luzio, what do you want to plug? I like to plug malt. You can drink that in other places nowadays. Back of the day, it was only at the shop. That's right.

I want to plug malted milk, malted milk balls, like whoppers. Yep. I just got some for Christmas. They were delicious. They're delicious. They got a little crunch, but then it's sweet. Like life.

Yeah, okay. Life can be crunchy but sweet. That's right. Right. And Ben Ultraman, what do you want to plug? Now and Ben available for pre-order on Alibaba. That's right. Not on the charts yet. And Hot Dog, what do you want to plug? Well, come on down to the Sunglass Nut.

That's a Sunglass Store that I have opened to compete with the Sunglass Hut, which fired me. Okay. And this, do you sell nuts? No, sunglasses. Oh, shit. You thought I sold nuts? It sounds like you sell nuts. No, no. I'm a sunglass nut, and you can't be too if you come and buy some sunglasses. It sounds like a Nut Star where you're a song. you might be wearing sunglasses when you sell the nuts.

That's funny. I get nothing from it at all. Okay. You're not... It's so baffling to me. No opinion. If I saw a store to say the sunglasses nut, I wouldn't know what to do. Yeah.

Really? I'd probably just keep walking. Oh, damn it. Wow. Well, we have a big announcement here. Neptuna. Yeah. I'm sorry, Neptune.

Yeah, you should plug something. Oh, I just have a dire warning for you, man. Oh, we don't have time. Later, later, later. We'll get to that later. Okay. I have a big announcement. You know our action figures that we've been selling.

We're in the middle of Phase 2 right now, and this is very big news. The Reggie Watts and Forville action figures are available now. Two new Comedy Bang Bang 3.75 inch action figures by FC Toys. Series 2 figures, Forville, and Reggie Watts, Forville will be a little shorter than the action figures. He comes with two knife accessories. Figures are in stock now at figurecollections.com.

We also have Italiano Jones, Antre P. Neuer, Randy Snuts, Carissa, Big Sue, Sprague the Whisperer, and Scott Ackerman, more coming soon. Available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com with free shipping with the U.S. address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at action figureseller.com. I think we have, we're in the middle of phase two, the end of phase two, I believe we've already revealed Jeffrey Carrier Wheaties. Yeah, I didn't know if it was going to be me or Jeffrey Carreter Wheaties. I'm not sure, yeah. Who did you know? Yeah, I think it might be Jeffrey. I'm not very well, maybe.

Yeah, and then we also have a Dalton Wilcox, I believe, coming soon. Do you know Dalton Wilcox? Who are you asking? I don't. Well, hot dog, I believe there's a whole thing with a hot dog-shaped bullet. I will say I love Dalton Wilcox from the fantastic podcast Bonanas for Bonanza. That's right. One of my favorite podcasts that I listen to all the time.

And also in an alternate universe, Gaga for Gunsmoke as well. Oh, yes. Yes. That's part of the crisis that's going on. Yes. Yeah, exactly. It's my, bananas from bananas, I will say, is my second favorite Western TV show themed podcast behind the Deadwood Boys. I love the Deadwood Boys are incredible.

Deadwood Boys are so good. Yeah, that's such a good podcast. I spent 94 years in an alternate dimension. Is it in the book? Is it in the book? Is it in the book? Oh, meaning time passed differently there? Is this the ultimate dimension?

I've lost track. Oh, we'll clear it up in the cross. I'm going to worry about it. Yeah, we'll get everyone's continuity all settled, including the hot dog-shaped bullet or whatever hot dog that you were involved. I'm going to have to take your word for it. It's getting late, and I haven't had blueberries since this morning. All right, well, let's, oh, by the way, go to CBBWorld.com and get so many great shows over there.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag. No, no, no, no. Ooh, that one didn't end with malice. Interesting. That was Plug Bond theme. by Lot Ha Ha ha ha. Thanks to Lot Ha ha. And that's, of course, some of our new remixes from the new song that just came out.

I don't need it. Why not retire it? Retire what? The plug bag thing so. The plug bag things on. This will be the last episode. No, no, you can't because never quit. Oh, that's right.

We don't quit. I forgot. We don't quit. Also, we're ground beefing. Retiring is different from quitting, though. That's a good point. That's a good point. Because Mark Faron, he just quit.

Like a quitter. He didn't retire. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because he's still out there like acting and stuff like that. That's right. He slinked away, tail between legs. Well, guys, I want to thank you so much. Jason, of course.

What a delight. My pleasure to be here with you. It's not an anniversary, but thank you so much. Happy, happy, almost, happy, happy middle year. That's right. Thank you. And, of course, being Lujo. Felicitations to you.

Thank you so much. And Ben Alterman, good luck with your book. I don't need luck. Well, I truly believe you're going to need a little bit of luck in order to sell some of this. But hopefully this did the trick, and there's a little bit of interest in your book at this point. I hope so. That's right. And then, of course, Original Fig.

Of course. What else needs to be said, original fig? It's good to see you. So good to see you. I'm so glad you showed up when I said your name. Popping in right at the end. Great. Hey, where Neptuna goes, that's where I go.

That's right. Neptuna. Got to say goodbye to you. Oh, yeah. What did you send my name backwards, ponies? Okay. Untuneept. Clositive

Okay It's good that Neptune and original Fig two very difficult voices We're only here for a little while Just a little bit of time But then we have to say goodbye To our good friend hot dog

Please say my name backwards Mm-hmm Gotto God ta All right We'll see you next time Thanks bye