Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Max Silvestri, Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Comedian extraordinaire Max Silvestri joins Scott to talk about the doors that have opened since his legendary 10 minute stand-up set at a festival in Johnny Carson’s honor, growing up driving near a drive-in movie theater, and his new scripted Audible podcast “Past My Bedtime.” Then, celebrity podiatrist Harry Footman stops by to make a confession. Plus, truck enthusiast Kayla Dickie returns to talk about how her town celebrates Ford Rock Hard Eve.

The Sidewinder sleeps tonight unlike other nights when the Sidewinder just does Molly and gets fucking nuts welcome to comedy bang bang yes welcome to comedy bang bang we are back if you can believe it no less week wasn't our final episode we came back we decided to do one more at least so welcome back happy Navi doggy to you my name is Scott Ackerman we have a great show coming up a little later we have a doctor a physician one might say we also have a citizen of a certain town that they live in as are we all as they would say in Battlestar Galactica but

before we get to them we want to get to our guest of honor by the way this is the show humanities podcast used to be the show that where we talked to interesting people now it's humanities podcast might expand to humanities and the animal kingdoms podcast we're not sure we're testing it out on animals we're doing animal testing right now and putting lipstick on them mascara and blasting comedy bang bang right in their ears so far they don't like it I don't know whether it's the mascara the content of the show the volume not quite sure what it is at this point but we'll figure that out let's get to our guest of

honor I want to say two and a half years ago wow he appeared at a comedy festival in Lincoln, Nebraska yeah did a 10-minute set and opening for Dave Kulye Dave Kulye that rocked the world rocked the entertainment world yeah since then the floodgates have opened and show business has become available to him he is out there in a choose your own adventure book of show businesses do I want to do this project do I want to do this project he has settled on a scripted podcast from audible by the name of past and we'll find out whether it's spelled P-A-S-S-E-D or P-A-S-T my bedtime that is out right now boy he's one of our

favorites please welcome back to the show Max Sylvesterie hello Max hello Scott it's so nice to be back talking about that festival appearance was at the last live comedy show you did before yeah we because we talked about it on this show we did a full episode before yeah before just to hype it up and to make sure people went to it yeah and then about a year after we kind of did a like wrap let's collect our thoughts we've had a little distance to let it marinate the spices have gotten in yeah exactly and now did we do one since then to I feel like we did another one where we got a second wrap oh yeah maybe this

is the fourth time talking about I think it is the 11th try to have you on once a year just so we can talk about this 10 minutes that you did yeah and you're right since I did that set now almost four years ago I wouldn't say doors have been unlocked but it's as if they're not open they're not unlocked but they're there yes I it's as if I've opened a mailbox and gotten a piece of paper that has like a drawing of where doors are yes so I've and I wasn't able to keep the drawing but I did get a good look at it for about a minute confiscated the drawing yeah the person whose house it was came out and said you can't have

that you open the mail at someone else's house you can just do that most mailboxes don't lock it's really just kind of a system of trust and fear of punishment that is true do you think society is different now I mean it used to be used to not have to put a lock on your mailbox and now I see a lock on you know you had a 10 mailboxes nine I know people don't trust their neighbors anymore people don't trust their neighbor that's a great way of putting it because they don't go to a Christian church that's mostly what I'm gonna be talking about today oh so building community around faith so things have

changed since the last time you quite a bit I met a lot of new people in Nebraska catch us up though really briefly that ten minutes at sure it was for a festival it was for a festival in Johnny Carson's honor he's you had to go on a tour of Johnny Carson's house I was it was in his hometown and I was forced to do a tour of his home which has been completely remodeled and then watch a video about the remodeling of the house that doesn't seem to have factored into Johnny Carson's life at all I agree I don't I don't feel that he had a lot of input in how this festival was put together nor the memorial to his home

and then yeah I did a 10-minute set and then the next did Dave Couillet watch the set have we did we talk about that aspect of it did he give you a great job kid in a Popeye voice or anything after that I wish I wish you would have heard about it in one of the three previous recaps had he done that but instead he was I dressed in incredibly expensive outfit and then he changed into like loose fitting regular guy clothes denim and a hockey jersey before he went on stage in a real but I mean he had his finger on the pulse so hard mostly now most performers do the opposite exactly they arrive in the hockey outfit and they

go I got to put on this Pulse Smith suit or whatever instead he took off his beautiful expensive lounge wear and put on a giant like Nebraska hockey jersey if I were that rich because I'm presuming he's rich I assume yeah you know that many episodes of Full House the reboot and the reboot yeah not to mention the reboot I would assume if I were that rich I would not dress up a day in my life I'd be like you come to me you dress up for me I'm exactly with you I'd be like what I'm wearing right now is what the right rich thing to do is because if I get rich I'm gonna assume that every decision I've ever made

leading to that point was the correct one and everyone who doesn't also make those decisions are scum and washed like trash down into the gutters so but yeah he he he understands that he's still an entertainer because ultimately he walked on stage and gave the audience exactly what they wanted unlike I would say that I did not bring an attitude that they they felt like seeing they wanted to hear stories about Full House as we've talked about multiple episodes did you have any stories about Full House that you you told in your 10 minute set I didn't and that was a long time when you think about it like if if you

tried to tell if you had no jokes like yeah and Max you're one of America's greatest comedians thank you for saying that you have jokes but say you had no jokes yeah this is too long I I yeah I feel like to just stand up and talk yeah and to speak any truth or extemporary any honest feelings I couldn't certainly do it you know yeah so so it doesn't sound like a long time in order to fit in Full House stories it was tough and they had also not told me to prepare any Full House stories I was sort of like they were like we want you to do comedy and I guess I assumed and this was my mistake that I'm still sort of getting

my hands around that what they meant was do the thing like do normally normally do and I was wrong that was wrong they what you should have done was tell stories about you watching Full House or you ideally behind the scene stuff of what it was like to do pranks with Bob Saget 24 years ago and I just I personally chose to not do that on stage and honestly for the best because Dave Cooley I covered a lot of that yeah it would have been rude what if you scooped him though and just told it's always funny when you see like a comedian open for someone and then the second comedian gets mad because it's like I had that

joke too you know I pick on the guy with the big jacket yeah yeah have you have you seen that where the the headliner and you headlined sometimes for like John Mulaney sure yeah has he said like okay here are the five people in the front row you're you're not allowed to talk to you because they're there for me I've never he's never done that he wouldn't do that he's not worried about that but I have had been in situations at clubs or whatever where they're like this is years ago where they'll say like and don't do any crowd work like that's any like get up there do exactly 12 minutes and then you know the headliner is the one that's

allowed to wash around yeah exactly well you were allowed to Josh around on that fateful night I was Lincoln Nebraska and it's led you here let's talk about this podcast world scripted podcast which means for the layperson what basically it means in the way that a podcast like this feels organic and exciting that way even though it planned out a lot of course every beat we're all looking at a big whiteboard right now that kind of has like a flow chart of three x structure exactly scripted podcast is sort of like more feels more like a TV show that you can't see mmm and was that good because when my TV is broken and the

pictures out I'm upset but this is a good thing like in an egg like you like in a rage way yeah I have emotional problems at home so you're you're you're screaming and like you don't know where to direct it and it's like and then the TV thing happens oh man it's everybody tiptoeing around Scott at home what will be this thing tonight we'll see I grew up driving near a drive-in theater that we had and I wouldn't pay and I was put the radio hold on hold on a second you grew up driving near a drive-in well there there what a strange upbringing you had but you just drove around this drive-in theater all the time I was

bringing up the story because it felt unusual and unique that you haven't experienced it is exactly why I brought it up would you like me to bring up this is the Dave Kulye thing all over again let Dave Kulye talk about you like let me wake up in the morning 8 a.m. your parents say let's take a drive around the drive yeah I'm 12 years old I go for the keys they say fine I drive you drive them okay this is getting even weird no they're in the house they're having breakfast they've lost no we're speaking in the house is where the keys are kept the way I grew up keys were in the house keys were in the okay we

kept them in the backyard but yeah okay that's fair that's totally reasonable way to do it but we're from different worlds and get in the car open the garage I'm not gonna walk you through every step but I then drive near so the lights are out I'm presuming you're fumbling around for the for the car the garage door opener and the garage door automatic light okay and you know garage so I was fair so the way that I was able to find objects in space door open after you leave so the way I'm able to find objects in face going into your house and stealing everything that's for my parents to handle I'm not there I'm

near a movie theater a drive-in movie theater at this point but I would put the radio on and that you could get the drive-in movie theater station yeah and it's like experiencing a movie without having to look at anything you can look at other stuff you don't have to pay that's kind of what this podcast you're listening to Van Helsing exactly yes the movie Dragonheart starring Dennis Quaid is a specific example that I remember where I didn't realize I was near a movie theater thought I'd found a radio station that played audio dramatizations that were in theaters maybe two months earlier exactly and and

it and I was sort of into it because Dennis Quaid has got star power I could tell what movie it was but then there was just sort of a long period of grumbling and foley noises and leaves crunching and then the growl and I was like oh they're not really telling the story did it give you an appreciation for those Foley artists because it's like they do a lot of anytime see this is the thing you don't know anytime you hear anything in a movie other than dialogue it's a Foley artist having to recreate it it's crazy I know that footsteps yeah doors creaking people like someone touching someone on the shoulder they'll

put in like you know kind of one of those noises because Mike's can't pick that stuff up on a set no they can't it's actually I highly recommend people watch the dune trailer the original dune trailer because there is a one little scene lit in this trailer where Jason Momoa is talking to Timothy Chalamet the original dune trailer well the first trailer for the most recent dune movie so you'll be sorting so the original trailer of the Reese okay the recent one how are we supposed to know which ones the original trailer number one trailer number one yeah but Jason Momoa touches Chalamet on the arm in kind

of an improvised way six times in the middle you hear the Foley artists go oh shit yeah it's too late and it's all in the trailer because it would have not made sense and it's just amazing what Foley artists do incredible so you grow up at this in this strange town yes and you listen to this stuff and then you said okay then we have the detour into the 10 minutes at yep and then you were like okay what can I do with this art form so what does Max Sylvester do with a scripted audio podcast well I wrote it along with my wife who I live with we weren't married when we started and we were married by the end of it really so

was that part of it where suddenly did you type out will you marry me and oh and read page 69 dear I've got a rewrite I think you're gonna like I have a new idea for an episode it's it's a love story well I just feel like it's kind of a very modern but already classic test of a relationship of like okay can you have a podcast together can you go together can you write a scripted original together and produce it and do all the scripts and we as soon as we kind of were we're in post-production we looked at each other and we're like I just work and yeah I mean what is having a baby if not giving birth to a

podcast exactly yeah it just hits different it does hit different and it was really cool how a bunch of the speeches at our wedding including the ceremony mentioned that we'd done a podcast together I felt like it was just sort of this timeless romantic moment that it was wonderful to experience then and I know I'll look back yeah I'm so happy that that was called out it's never gonna seem like it was of that moment no particular year and the podcast wasn't out yet so it was more just even the idea that we'd written and produced a podcast with no release date at the moment of our ceremony well that's

wonderful what is your writing process like every other word or what what is it like one line hmm line at a time yep and then we take a walk together okay and then we come back we will eat you know not a full meal like snacks figgs cheese you know that's classic snacks whatever you can pluck or whatever is just on hand then we huge screen fight never about the line but it's obviously about the line right but it's about some little thing of just like you know why don't you mention in that email you know stuff like that right things around the house this is how you do a dishwasher and then we make love sure the fight of

course and then we look at the line again and we do another pass at it and it all starts over and it's just from there it's just brick by brick yeah so that line how many times does that line get rewritten it's interesting when you read a script who and this is a glimpse inside the writer's process because I've written a few in my day of course yeah if you're reading any script yeah it is it is crazy how many times the first page has been rewritten over and over and how few times the last it's like the first page has probably been rewritten 250 times and the last page maybe once that

is that is exactly the energy of what we there we belabored the first half so intensely can we make everything perfect and then we finish the rest on time that's that's the story of you turn the last four as it got turned in but really any piece of entertainment the last few episodes of anything or just shit right absolutely movies like look at Game of Thrones Game of Thrones everyone complains about the last season it was just because they had a deadline yeah they were tired yeah they're tired left some people sleep they've been working so hard on though the first five seasons then the sixth one they're just like okay

we gotta turn this in I mean exactly people are tired it's kind of like the title of our scripted audible original it's it's past my bedtime you know let me go to wonderful bed past my bedtime is the podcast it is on audible which when I was growing up audible was just a company that where you could listen to books like the Harry Potter book yeah yeah by that notorious turf JK Rowling and now they have expanded into making podcasts tell us what past my bedtime is sure it is the little subheading is it is the untolds is an oral history of the fastest failure in late-night history it is narrated by journalists played by

David Harbour of stranger things talk hellboy yeah not the first hellboy no just the original hellboy as you would put it watch the first trailer for the newest hellboy and I think you'll have an idea what David Harbour is but it's about a late-night show in 2003 that was hosted by a 10-year-old boy and was canceled six minutes into the live premiere is this a true story or is this a something that you just this is the this is the mud we want to muck around in this is the tension we're playing with here that you're asking is exactly the conversation we want to be having but it's fake but it is fake it's it's

cast with actors and it's all actors they do characters and it's like silly and that's fun yeah it's fun because I saw a cast list not not like those cast list you know when you in high school drama where you try out for the play and they post it to a door it wasn't like that that would have broken my heart if you'd gone looking in person somewhere because it's not even now we're down to the local high school to see if I could see the cast list of this if you go to the SAG building or whatever they just put all these things up cast list for every and I will say the crowd of people huddling to look at

what's posted is a real it's bummer everyone crying it's dark energy the line for the bus after it sucks but it is David Harbour whoopee Goldberg Zach Alfenakis a lot of CBB faves really got Lenin harms in it is this some sort of a big mouth by Nick Kroll situation where Paul if Tomkins and I are alluded to in it but we don't have parts like in that show we're drawn into the show that's funny you say that because there's actually two writer comedian actor characters that are named Scott and Paul of course and there's such a big part of it and it was such a struggle to cast them wait are they pedophiles because I

don't want to play that I'm okay with that but it's an amazing cast how long are these episodes it's 10 30 minute episodes and it starts is 300 minutes total a little more than that it's on the you know almost 320 minutes 320 minutes yeah okay and they're all out and you know if you have an honorable plus it starts as a story of behind the scenes of this this late night show but it becomes sort of a search for where the boy is now and kind of a bigger conspiracy theory it becomes a bit of a mystery okay and is it is it solved by the end or does it just like well no it does it's solved by the end it's got a really satisfying ending it's not so it doesn't just stop in the middle of an episode I mean while we were writing it we would have

loved to do exactly that there's a new concept yeah what if it just ends what if we just stop 10 minutes into episode six it just ends but we still get all the money we talked about yeah how about that is that a fun deal well that's fantastic I'm really anticipating and looking forward to listening to the fruits of your wife and your labor metaphorically although literally if you were to ever have sex and have a baby I would listen to them oh yeah I mean hopefully I will get them into the podcast podcast space early I mean that's embarrassing do you to say podcast instead of podcast I am already texting everyone in this room please take that out I'm flipping out I can't unfortunately our editing machine is broken Devin's been working on the

editing machine for years at this point but and I think there's something where it's like stuck or something but he can't like you know he's put a knife in there and even when it's plugged in and he got electrocuted one day but when I did all the like ironic slur stuff at the beginning when we were just sitting down oh we weren't rolling oh my god okay now you walked in doing that sure yeah yeah I mean all the stuff on my t-shirt thank god this is a podcast oh yeah yeah um past my bedtime what do people do just put those words into a search bar or something and yeah go to audible.com any search bar any search bar really I mean really any bar just say the name past my bedtime you're going to get a bartender with a phone he can look it up look at where you

live get you a copy of it to your house yeah yeah yeah well wonderful it's out there on audible people should be listening to this approximately 320 minutes we need to take a break when we come back we have a physician and we have a citizen of a town how excited are you to stick around we're gonna be right back we have more comedy bang bang after this comedy bang bang we're back max sylvesterie past my bedtime is the scripted podcast while we don't suggest you listen to any other podcast other than comedy bang bang unless there's an emergency that is out there and one can listen to it if they choose to but we do not suggest that they do so it would mean a lot to my wife leah beckman and I uh the

only way our marriage survives is if we average a 4.7 rating on audible after six months that's kind of built into the vows I know with the podcast ratings being what they are and slipping the way they and the trolls oh the trolls um so yeah it's the only way our marriage and I love her with all my heart so I need this to work I've put so much of my my youth do you have to do a podcast a year with her just to like keep everything the juices flowing yeah I think yeah I think we might just write more episodes of this one not put them out but just to kind of like capture that magic yeah okay great um we need to get to our next guest he is a physician um do you have a physician max I've seen one before I don't have one you don't have a personal relationship with a physician

no every time something's wrong with me I start from zero I go to someone new I like I have to I don't know where the website is I don't I don't know who you're young enough that nothing's going on yet I don't know things are piling up I really should develop some relationships I don't just things are always like hurting and I feel like my teeth are going to start to fall out soon you really should see someone I should look like do you have a regular physician I do yes uh in several areas yes which areas uh of your body of your of the body yeah the body physician and then and then little parts of the body they go like oh well I like I'm only going to talk to you about this one I'm like you know it's a racket because like one doctor doesn't want to learn about all the parts

yeah that's the thing like you would think that your doctor would know everything about everything because he's everything yeah but then he's like oh okay something wrong with your foot okay go see this guy chapter in school yeah these people are idiots anyway let's talk to one um he speaking in foot doctor he is a podiatrist he fancies and styles himself as a celebrity podiatrist please welcome to the show harry footman hi thank you very much scott is that your voice honor to be here what's that that's your voice yeah oh okay i'm sorry i was just thrown unbelievable is this your voice are you putting on an affect i pray to god at night i get down on my knees right in front of my bed and i pray to god scott is putting on an accent that's not his real

voice it's disgusting it grates in my ears anyway how are you i'm sorry is this the first podcast you've ever done because you've never heard your voice back you wouldn't know that it's like it's it's extreme i you know you ever you know that word extreme like sports and and certain sodas politics yeah ideological views it's just it's very different i apologize i don't mean to set you back on your heels immediately yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well wait that's the way you say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh we're learning a lot about yeah uh well if you want me to do a character voice i don't want you to do anything i just want to be yourself definitely because when i come out when i listen you know i'm not just your podiatrist you are a celebrity um i'm also a huge fan of the

show and i didn't want it i i because of hippo laws i didn't want you to reveal that you were my but yes you are my every time i'm looking at your feet i'm like these are the feet that create comedy bang bang and i've never heard your voice before because you're always looking down at the feet and so it's always going into the floor right this is the first time i'm actually hearing i use text to talk when i'm in the office because i don't want to upset people with my cadence yeah but you know every time i'm listening to the podcast i'm like give me scott ockerman you know give me interesting characters give me hard-hitting interviews within a cervix perfection yeah yeah welcome to the show really what i'm i mean that genuinely i mean i'm honored to be here despite

all the abuse i've already taken i don't think it's abuse i i was thrown and i apologize i don't mean to make you feel that way it's all right i've gotten a jelly face everyone assumes that i'd have some kind of dulcet tones it is you you look very cherubic thank you yes i've got nice big cheeks chubby cheeks one might say yeah chubby little gerber cheeks i eat mostly baby steve gerber cheeks steve gerber what an icon yeah what an incredible man used to be a baby and now a lot of people don't know he was the gerber baby and he grows up in what is he married to cindy crawford is that who i'm thinking of yeah maybe it's not who you're thinking of oh who am i thinking of randy gerber same guy he changed his name used to be steve gerber now he's randy gerber what is the

story has sex with cindy crawford yeah we're talking about the same guy um welcome to the show so you're a celebrity podiatrist i'm a podiatrist for celebrities you're not a celebrity who does podiatry no i'm not i'm not very well known at all but after this episode maybe yeah scott's giving you quite a platform i mean this seems really nice yeah i mean that that festival in lincoln nebraska the most advertising they've ever received is your four appearances here but that's why the whole world now knows the name of that festival which even i could say if i wanted to if we want do we have no desire yeah we've said it so many times and obviously i know what it is i'm tired of saying it at this point i bet if you did say it scott would cut it out he

didn't and that's a dav cool yay joke oh thank you so much he would edit it out of the podcast he wouldn't want people to know they've had enough advertising let's let's talk about the elephant in the room and that uh the name harry footman yeah what is that a is that like you know it's not a stage name when you're a doctor right no it's not a nom de plume that's when you're a writer what is it for a doctor when you take a fake name yeah great question um so i mean my parents named me harold footman their last name was footman people used to say harry footman you know they called me harry footman and so i think it was just the universe kind of pointing me to a dietary also a major foot fetishist oh oh really yeah yeah yeah yeah is that like a conflict of

interest to to be examined and i don't think there's anything in the rule book about it is it i mean yeah you're right you know what i mean it's like i guess that's a question you could add like you go to your gynecologist and you're like do you love this do you you don't love this and it's like you love podcastings it's not like a crime that you get to do the thing that gets you visibly erect for two hours every week as they say do do whatever you love and you whatever whatever the rest yeah how are the rest goes you pay to do what you love and you never work a day in your life so scott back to when you were saying when you go to your gynecologist you're asking them questions yeah uh-huh so like do i have yeah this is not what no stop making appointments

with me this is a penis and balls the reason you can't remember the last time you've had your period yeah exactly yeah perfect so you have but you have a foot fetish that's interesting yeah yeah so and you've had that ever since you were young or uh yes i've always been yes i've always been seduced and attracted to a beautiful foot you know what makes a foot beautiful because i look at these things and i'm just like disgusting yeah disgusting i don't think people should be allowed to wear sandals like is is there an i is there an idealic foot like a perfect foot yeah absolutely uh probably the ideal foot is a woman's 12 and a half a man's 13 and a half uh well clawed toes oh clawed clawed toes that's a condition planter for shy it's a condition

that that means something's wrong with him but that's a perfect foot to you yeah to me everyone has a different definition of a beautiful so you see beauty in like decay and and like kind of you find uh and garishly abnormally large feet right yeah yeah so like scott's foot for example scott's foot is like you know it looks like a possum that's been a half shape i'm not comfortable with you talking about how my feet actually look but uh but go on well you honestly i thank you for the platform max which half has been james the bottom thank goodness um but but max you were saying you were alluding to this earlier and scott you uh you know they said the same thing you have such a huge platform you know i hope my podiatry business gets the buh buh buh bump um but

thank you um but uh no no no i'm being serious to you so um what i mean to say is i came i came on the show to make a confession a confession oh okay well uh to a to a crime or not maybe a crime of passion i've been secretly taking pictures of all the celebrities feet and putting them on wiki feet over the years you're the wiki feet doctor i knew they had a source there was too much stuff they had access to much you're the guy i'm the guy no yeah no no no no no no how did your patience not know because i feel like a lot of those photos have like a a quarter or a dollar bill next to the feet for scale and i'm like how are people walking barefoot next to money and not picking it up and how do you have so many quarters like anytime i there's a parking meter that

doesn't take credit cards now it's like jeez it's christ what and you have all these quarters just laying around yeah yeah yeah my secret is i go to the bank and i say can you break this into quarters great is that the confession great how you get the quarters that's my confession that's my time thank you stand-up reference dave cullier cut it out alinas go down on me did he mention that by the way no was he like look uh yeah okay let's get out of the way he was all class so it wasn't like but he didn't mind it he didn't mind it and then play her full album okay yeah yeah what i guess that's alluding to it in some ways to blast the album and do you know my favorite song of that album how would we know yeah i mean it's pretty you want to rank it in terms of like the

hits you want to know biggest staring you in the face it's head i were feet give me oh i had no choice but to you you stated your case time and again i thought about it you've already won me over you know it yeah head over feet yeah you have a beautiful voice thank you yeah yeah smooth like silk rich like chocolate those are the two things when those can combine silk and chocolate silk and chocolate i mean diamond and silk even better but some silk and chocolate amazing silk and chocolate my mouth is open diamond and silk my ears and your mind in my mind in my mind's eye yeah anyway so you're the guy you've been uploading them well i've never had any complaints because usually celebrities feet are beautiful they take care of them and everyone's

always like you know five out of five beautiful feet lovely arches you know i'd suck on that nail bed etc um but i know the kind of thing so yeah yeah yeah you know this you go on wikifee are you the one also leaving comments yeah yeah yeah but i kind of outed myself recently because just now yeah a few seconds ago i uploaded i uploaded pictures of scott's feet and then that's one not just myself but all these other people started commenting this is disgusting i can smell it through my computer no really p u situation p u situation and so i felt bad and you know even though i'm a foot fetishist and a podiatrist and you know we're notoriously soulless people what i've heard that what's that is that a foot joke

i get it absolutely absolutely i haven't heard that about doctors is do you mean doctors or podiatrists just podiatrists really just yeah the most trustworthy doctors are probably urologists because there's yeah i've never met one who's not a weirdo a urologist yeah well they're all very strange people i've gone to two in my life and both of them bizarre you're sure it wasn't just someone trying to get your pants off saying they were urologists pretty sure well they were successful both times because that would work yeah that's true great news mr ockman you do not have a uti so you think they they're the most trusted and then podiatrists are the least is it because of the

quality of of the thing they study like okay like if you were to say okay max i'm gonna chop something off of your body what's the thing you don't want me to chop off and what's the thing you wouldn't mind me chopping off i mean i i wouldn't want to lose my thumb or my nose those are tied for tops those are tied for tops i could lose my pinky toes like they were nothing i mean sometimes i'll see maybe a shoe online that that is not in my size i would i would lose the toe if it meant fitting and this is kind of my my thing i you know most people would say hey stay away from the johnson but that's that's the middle of the road for you yeah i'd say like if they're i'm guess if let's say there's 20 body parts i'm not gonna try to think of them but let's say there are famously

just 20 body 20 that you could take off the mane which is what i call the torso sometimes you're horny on mane but yeah i would i would put kind of like where the penis is kind of right in the middle that's where i would put it well yeah you've been going down from the top of the body in terms of your preference too i guess i got my head in the clouds yeah ears nose exactly are you the guy outside with the car that has the bumper sticker that says go ahead and chop off my johnson is that your car because i saw that prius tinted windows gotta have them tinted it's okay so but you put it you put a tesla sticker on it even though it's a prius is very weird it's h8 j h n s n hate johnson but then the kind of rim around it says go ahead chop off my johnson

i would love to lose it not only do i not need it i would love to see it gone right i mean you can start reading that phrase in any you know because it's a circle yeah yeah no that yeah like so but but that's my point uh harry is that um is is that uh that's my father call me mr footman okay mr footman dr footman i think you would disrespect my father yeah but uh most people would say johnson so like it's like oh if you're a doctor to this trusted thing that i'd never want chopped off i trust them but meanwhile you could chop off my foot and i'd be fine with it and you're the doctor of that kind of stuff yeah yeah although i think it's great to refer to your johnson as my trusted thing uh i'm about oh i'm about to pull out my trusted thing you're getting

my announcing i'm pulling this out i'm if i'm pulling it out there's no one in the room right or i'm not announcing it you're in a urinal pissing into some ice it's time to use my trusted thing the guy who's who lays down the ice by the way my favorite restaurant didomio yeah i've talked to you yeah nothing more satisfying than taking your trusted thing out i'm not announcing this in the bathroom by the way although i may start hey everyone just so there's no confusion yeah and i don't get you know me tooed here i'm about to pull out my trusted thing yeah that's what enthusiastic consent is is it okay if i pull out my trusted thing and absolutely pressure wash this ice you need to get consent from everyone in the restroom i think that's important yeah all i need

to have sex is a smile it is important it is interesting i think i've brought this up before the the public restroom is one of the only places in the world that you can pull out your penis and handle it here we go go off king it is it is a weird thing to pick about you're about to do 10 minutes in Nebraska because and then they don't let you do it in a strip club that's the place it should be legal yeah wear these rules written down there's no rule bit for this stuff anymore how come the customers can't strip as well let me up on stage you're giving me a lap dance it's my turn yeah i'm being you know you're just trying to be generous you're trying to give back you know i think that's being a good customer yeah yeah so we've touched on a lot of different fetishes i think

it's fine that minor feet sure i guess so i mean you know hashtag feet how do you reckon can i just say how do you reconcile your love of disgusting twisted mutant feet with what i imagined celebrities want which is kind of a more normative yeah smooth long straight toad look like do you give them what they want or do you try to sell them on your vision of repulsive beauty that's a great question i'm not i'm not being reproachful at all but let's be mindful of our language you know normative what is normal like scott has absolutely hideous feet to a normative i don't like just telling everyone that you know and they i've asked you to do something about it they literally like point like a snout into one big toe at the end of it like a possum they make a little squeak sound

every time he steps oh i look he sounds cuter and cuter the more you talk about it i honestly yeah like a little elf or a stuffed animal or something but you ever wonder why he's so good at running on the top of the fence sometimes i'll be in the waiting room at ear wolf and i'll see scott go by with a little lemon in his hand and then he goes back with no lemon in his hand and he comes back with another lemon and i'm like how's he doing this so fast anyway i'm not saying you know and no matter what your feet look like treat yourself get a pedicure feel confident you know then take pictures of your feet and upload them get horny on main put them to the grid you know what i mean uh whatever your social media presence is it's time for a vibe shift

hashtag feet what's popping up when you click on that hashtag on hashtag feet yeah scott come on what do you think probably close up some feet but i have no idea i'm imagining your discover page right now on instagram what the algorithm is giving you based on what you look at and it's it's twisted it's all that in love island three and i've uploaded pictures of all their feet the entire cast that you've taken yourself yes nancy the feet of a goddess uh zenith the feet of a goddess colon this is not this is not love island this is no this is blood yeah yeah uh when i hear zenith i know you're talking about love yeah and what i'm talking about bar tees and coal two of the most selfish disgusting self-involved feet you'll ever see so to the feet i mean this

and this is a good question i think if i'm judging my own questions i give it an a plus but um you know how every once in a while you'll see a dog who looks exactly like its owner do feet look like their owners yeah if someone's flexible enough to put their feet up next to their face it's their face just gets wider strikingly similar really yeah i'll be like give me a flexible person give me a clean foot give me it next to someone's head i feel like we're now suddenly we have a new fetish for you it's we're just getting pretty worked up yeah give me someone who who basically like uses their feet to make it look like they're wearing podcast headphones oh like putting oh yeah each one on the left ear hello i'm listening to you i'm turning

the volume up he he i'm listening to max's past your bedtime ha ha i'm listening to comedy bang bang ho ho i'm getting ready for christmas do you feel i need i want to ask because now i'm starting to think about my own feet do you feel like the character like that the that any attributes on a person's foot tells you something about who they are yeah you know how you can read a palm can you read a foot and and learn something about the person and the way scott's always talking about like skull size tells you a lot about aptitude and all this stuff off mic that's like so interesting because none of us know a lot about it right but racially tinged i think we can agree i'm just talking about an article i read okay it sounds like phrenology i'm uncomfortable yeah uh huh oh yeah

you could absolutely when you're looking at a foot you can absolutely say like oh my god the fallopian tubes are here the urethra is here let me rub this wait on the make your thigh and activate your thigh we're not talking about physical attributes we're talking about like personality yeah like does someone with like uh like a big uh main toe are they greedy that's kind of what i'm looking at yeah yeah if your second toe do they love money are they is that where you're getting a max okay you've lost me again scott we're getting into another uh tinged area here no no but if the second toe is bigger than the big toe you're a sociopath if your third toe is bigger than all your toes you're you're um a good person oh oh so kind of dry yeah yeah yeah because you're so ashamed

you live in shame and so you thought about your actions a lot and therefore you treat people well because you live by the golden rule which is reciprocity right right interesting what do you think of shoes should people not be allowed to wear them or what um everywhere except the airplane i think everyone should be bare on the airplane yeah is that a safety thing um no i think it would really uh if everyone's looking at each other's feet on an airplane there'd be a lot less anxiety about being in a metal tube hurtling through space that's true also they tell you when you fall into the ocean to take off your shoes immediately so it's like yeah you get a because they'll drag you down and so it would give you a head start wouldn't it i think it's mainly

because um if if you have shoes on when you fall in the ocean you probably have stinky feet and that's the last thing that sharks want to eat stinky feet really yeah and it's the first thing that mosquitoes want to eat uh-huh the uh the smell of the well come on now my talk my talk to text is always like your feet are incredibly stinky mr. ockerman yes and i'm like what are you going to do about it and you never have any solutions you're so good at doing the talk to text voice yeah you should just do that instead of having to type it's pretty comforting i prefer that voice to your normal voice if i'm being honest how dare you we are enemies look uh yeah yeah yeah yeah no you're even doing the yeah yes no no no give me scott ockerman so that's not a verbal

affectation that's just verbal abuse okay well look dr. footman uh uh i appreciate you being here i don't appreciate you kind of you know bearing uh for no uh for no for lack of a better term uh bearing my my secrets uh i'm losing interest in this dismount even as i say it what do you think about that is that due to you is that due to me no no no no no no it's because it's because you decided to be disrespectful as opposed to thanking me for coming on the podcast do you think we got off on the wrong step foot step oh i see what you did there nice i've never heard that before but you have heard get off on the wrong step yeah yeah yeah as in like you trip up the stairs you shudder up the stairs shatter your front teeth uh you give yourself a concussion most people are

falling down the stairs i have to say if on a trump the rest what do you think's buried in her grave um ulysses s grant okay all right look uh dr. footman we need to take a break is that okay we need to get to our next guest uh on the other side of the break can you stick around though because i think they have really nice feet that you're gonna be very interested in i'm into it okay great and max how do you feel about sticking around i feel great i i i would love to see their feet yeah i think we all agree that we want to see their feet yeah when when we come back okay hashtag feet um all right we're gonna come right back we're gonna have more dr. footman more max silvestry we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang every this

comedy bang bang we're back max silvestry past my bedtime is the show uh it's not really a show it's a piece of content right it's just it's it's slopped to put in your bucket to chug before you go to bed and have you know no dreams on ambient it's just it's just grist for the mill exactly it sounds like the perfect thing i'd be washing my feet absolutely you take care of your own feet but you can't do anything about mine they're beyond repair well you can tell me that instead of keeping you know you keep saying like well come back in a month and see see if anything's different yeah because i want to see how you're doing with your feet you know it's about self-care okay you're doing them self-harm

i'm doing i'm really they're worse huh all right never mind all right well we need to get to our next guest and hopefully we'll see their feet but uh she's been on the show several times uh she is well she's a citizen of a town definitely i can't remember what the town is but she's a truck enthusiast we can uh say that um please welcome back to the show kala dickie hey hey how are you let's see them feet i'm not going to be showing my feet today when will you be showing your feet um well i mean it's it's gonna i'm gonna need some money to show that off oh i like to get paid for that stuff i mean we work in hollywood you have to value yourself monetarily what's a lot to her is probably chicken feet dangling opportunity that

we don't have a good honor i would take 25 30 bucks here's a hundred dollars to keep your shoes off the rest of the recording session you have that hundred already out it's incredibly sweaty it's sitting in my palm you pull that out of your shoe yeah i guess i'll take off my foot the wallet of the clothes well my boots are off oh oh there they are yeah oh what's wrong what what do you call that way dr footman what is what do you call that condition uh a boner inducing foot okay i don't know why you don't find this attractive i think it's incredibly beautiful i would just like to say for the audio record you know i just got you asked me to come on and be a good sport i i'm just uncomfortable with the three-on-one sort of dynamic um i know it's

fucked up do you want to switch over to her i'd like to be asked to take my shoes off is what i'm sorry okay a hundred dollars come on i i i mean a hundred dollars even though it's not a lot to us i'd still take i would love a hundred dollars yeah hold on a second here other hundred dollars to take your your shoes off for the rest sopping wet like a wipe you get at a barbecue restaurant oh my god what is going on there well that was in the other foot the other foot sweats a little bit more profusely why yeah my imbelle was like covered in like a lotion yeah yeah i made sure that my feet you always take care of your feet you never want you never want dry feet it's the opposite of the army what sure have you seen casualties of war i did the boots and socks are one of

the top things right in the army you want to keep your feet feet dry yeah at all times okay got it got it kaila anyway yeah kaila sorry this is your time anyway see you guys later no no no no i think i'm gonna go no stay no let's keep talking about the feet rescinding my time rescinding my time yeah hey hey welcome back to the show great to have you so great to be here misty for people who this is the their first time hearing you misty you uh yeah it's great to have you back on the show misty you always enjoy having you kaila so for people who uh don't know who you are you you live in where is it i live in colorado southwest colorado muntros muntros and uh long story short you used to work for a guy named uh jed weeby's yeah so okay the recap uh basically i was um i used

to work for jed weeby who was the mayor of muntros with my girls we were all his secretaries then he burned down the town when he left the entire town the entire town a lot like a mrs oliri's cow yeah exactly but that cow used its foot to kick over a lantern which started a fire but jed weeby he what did he do he left multiple curling irons on right he started the fire which and then he fled into the woods and he was living as a bear and then he came back for a little bit and then he left again and obviously throughout that i was fucking him me and my girls we're all having sex with him right during the entire soup to nuts every part of the process yeah whenever he was in town and not a bear right um anyone have sex while he was a bear i had sex with him when he was a bear

once was that different or what did he have it was good it was in the dumpster oh great okay say no more and then then basically i was working at david's bridal with my girls i in the meantime i've been dating just guys like on you know who picked me up in their big big big trucks when i walk along the streets and they come by and they yell things at me like hey stupid little bitch and get in here and then i climb up their 15 foot tall wheels and i get in there and we fucking ride yeah we go now the last time i saw you was truck week yeah right yeah and that's well you saw me on the tour also must have been a busy week yeah but but truck truck week only happens once a year truck week is a once a year type of thing yeah it's basically all of truck enthusiasts specifically

the ford rock hard series descend on montrose colorado for one week where we suck and fuck each other and they're in their big big trucks yeah there's nothing funny about sucking and fucking let's keep it straight for you and i'm always single for truck week i absolutely have to be single and jud weeby was fine with that well obviously like at that point like we haven't seen jud in a while to be honest so my last boyfriend was this guy chart oh right yeah before that was cart right now i have a new boyfriend congratulations who are you with now bar bar bar bar bar bar barf just barf okay well that's great and he how long have you been seeing this gentleman um like for like a month so it's like pretty serious yeah yeah it's pretty serious so from

from late october till now yeah so halloween is that when you got together halloween we got together i was a water bottle and he was how are you a water bottle i dress up as a water bottle i was that was not you just looking at whatever it was in your direct line of vision was it no uh it was a water bottle you're probably just spooked by how eerie the coincidence was because yeah we have a lot of the dress right here with right in front of me i mean that would be like if you dress as a wolf man i walk in here there's six wolf men yeah like fucking weird weird mystic stuff happens more around halloween i like makes sense i believe in witches and everything and this is truly a witches moment um i was a water bottle i was an algeene so like old school water

bottle oh okay yeah yeah okay so that's it for that and then yeah barf picked you up in the truck i yeah so then of course like i left this party because i was like god there's like no guys with tiny tiny dicks here so i left and was walking down the street and then this guy drives by and he's like hey hey you dumb fucking asshole who's such a little bitch do you say anything like turn around when i'm talking he was like look up at me smile for me and i gave him this i mean really good smile oh good yeah well that's all my teeth i showed all my teeth bottoms mostly bottoms most mostly bottoms really yeah and he didn't did he comment at all on the the costume that you're wearing because i feel like that's such a line he was like don't those things like don't they put

plastic in the water when you drink them and i was like yeah i'm old school it's not like i would be more like hey let me drink you in yeah yeah i mean but he said i'd like a sweat don't they put plastic in the ocean what he said don't those water bottles put plastic in your water huh i thought the like barf truck thing that this guy was gonna be really like you know fuck the environment but that he's lying on cpcs or he's really serious about his water and uh let me just say yeah yeah yeah yeah he's doing this as well too what let me just say yeah yeah yeah that's what you wanted to interject i hadn't i hadn't talked in a while i understood go ahead say say whatever you need to for 60 seconds oh no no no no no no i don't you don't want that one okay go on sorry oh my god it's

mine like it's all good i'm here actually though because i wanted to tell you guys like obviously the holidays are coming up yeah obviously i mean so exciting yeah uh are you so exciting christmas is coming and did you not miss me yeah it's always wonderful having you on the show i enjoy talking why can't you say that you missed me i don't know that i have as much as i just enjoy having you on the show and you're a wonderful guest okay fine um holidays are coming up the christmas is coming the goose is getting fat exactly but he's put a penny in the old man's and and and i don't want any of those pennies that you just pulled out of your shoe by the way those are yeah they they're not even jangling they're so wet it's just like a sploosh what will

you take off for these splooshy pennies it's like you've got a handful of boba tea in your hand this is so squishy um but so what what do you have to do with the holidays because uh nothing that we've talked about previous has anything to do well you have to buy a gift for Bart that must be a little yeah that's what i said well it was just like in my town like we celebrate holidays a little bit differently and i'm just like really excited so holidays just hit different these hit different when the holidays come around there's been a vibe chef they hit super fucking different in our town what happens well first of all we have um rock hard eve oh oh that's not christmas eve no this is rock hard this is a separate holiday only in your town dedicated fully to the forward

rock hard series yeah what are they up to now by the way five hundred and fifteen five hundred really so not even doing the fifties anymore they're like going in between small numbers now because um of just like issues with the supply chain oh so they'll give like part of a truck they'll make part of a truck and you can buy that okay so it's it's the 550 but with stuff missing yeah exactly like sort of like a three-wheeler no hood you know but it's cool yeah like you're lucky if you get like a mirror or like if you get like a wheel yeah right that's just mostly what they're they're up to but you can go on the facebook message boards for that sure you really want to like get all that get all that yeah i don't i i really want just a cursory uh a bit of information

about it so so what is forward rock eve forward rock eve forward rock hard eve forward rock hard eve rock hard eve every forward rock hard eve all of the towns people come together to feast on a pile of roadkill where we eat and we fuck and then i gotta visit this town it's like there's a lot of events where people are just i don't think guys like you and us would do great in this town probably us yeah we take shots of gasoline oh oh things get pretty fucking wild and then at night all the women go during the day all this fucking wow shots of gasoline wow i had when i it was envisioning it i presumed it was like midnight or something like that we're talking noon it day yeah this sounds like uh on love is blind when they first meet each other and they go

to their little retreat area and everyone's just fucking and sucking because they're so happy to not be in the pods anymore yeah not each other although some of them would like to right no they're i've seen that they they fucking suck there's like the things attached to the wall that are like for them to get out the energy or whatever right so there's one episode where they're just fucking and sucking these i mean they're not they're not dildos but they're like it's like rubber attachment it's like textures yeah and they're like schnauzberries right yeah they're sucking your fucking these schnauzberries but they're so depleted after that they can kind of then have like real conversations yeah all their juices are out so they're like they're

most intellectual they're going to be and is that what rock hard eve is like by the night time what happens by the night time all of the girls in the town leave their boots on the roof i'm into it and the next morning we wake up and you look in your boots and if the boots are filled with chili you've been a good girl and if the boots are filled with soup you've been a bad girl wow and that means what what's the distinction between chili and soup is it just a thickness here we go a connoisseur a true foodie asking hard hitting questions i mean because some soups are thick yeah you can get a thin chili you can get a thick soup yeah is it thin chili is so good is are there like um kind of talmudic scholars that are kind of looking at these questions of

rock hard faith of saying like what defines chili what defines soup is like in the comedy bang bang writers room we were trying to crack a sketch about the world's largest slider or the world's smallest hamburger which which is it um you know right well you tell us or do we have to walk do you have to watch the show no you could throw us an episode number we never it never got it oh you didn't solve it yeah sure it was cut it dry our dress rehearsals for that show were legendary yeah the crowd loved it that was after the castle this went up on the door so so a soup which is thin yeah bad bad really thin bad girl you've been a bad girl and chili which is slightly thicker you've been good girl you've been good girl okay are your rewards

is the reward for being a good girl the chili yeah yeah and you get to stay in the town and and you're punished oh oh wow so if you get soup you are asked to leave not well you're asked to go on on 40 days and 40 nights trip of rock hard um it's about three months about like jesus i think they probably 40 days the day in the night it ends up adding it to one moses i don't think it's 40 days then 49 oh so you oh so you think it's just 40 days it might be yeah yeah so it's a little more than a month yeah it's not 80 days i thought i know i was like it's a month and a half what are you talking about i thought they were allowed to come home during the day after the 40 days were this isn't a great british bakeoff okay this is like the you are stuck there you're stuck

should more reality shows let the contestants go home to the end of the day i mean i think it makes them a little bit healthier you know what i mean like love is blind would it be better if they were like okay you've been in the pods all day go home for a while meet some real people if you like any of them we connect with real life that's what they do in the second round in the second round but i think they're by then they're hypnotized into thinking they like these people like them love them proposed you're a real love is blind connoisseur yeah i'm going through what do you like about her feet or love is blind um that's a toss up jk feet yeah yeah anyway so so do they stick their feet um back to your story do they stick their feet in

the boots with the soup and the chili yeah you have to oh that's i forgot to i forgot to mention you're wearing a blindfold so when you put your feet into the boots you have to guess did i get chili or did i get soup and how's what's the punishment if you get it wrong so it feels like your punishment is already decided by what's in the boot because it seems like immaterial to what's gonna happen you're gonna be a good girl or a bad girl based on who i like the level it's fun to guess oh it's fun oh yeah sure it's uh i'd say it's levels to this shit yep thank you yes yeah yeah uh anyway if you've been a bad girl you get sent to the desert for 40 days 40 days wow and that's where you have to survive all by yourself no one else

around you with nothing but a truck oh well that sounds pretty easy yeah i'm two boots full of soup i feel like you can do me don't bring the boots you guys this is actually really hard i can't believe this is your reaction it's very hard how much gas is in the tank well how much have you drank that's a good point yeah you'll be didn't think about that you'll be puking and shitting out gas for at least a week after rock hardy if you're lucky yeah so it's really 33 days and 33 nights after you finish diarrhea exactly yeah you don't count days where you diarrhea those are just no no diarrhea days you're you're out of commission those aren't real days don't die really honestly today's a diarrhea day for me so i'm basically not even here right now you're 365

how many days how many diarrhea days do you have give me a number i think i'm like 300 300 a year yeah diarrhea days do you have coffee in the morning so coffee in the evening coffee at supper time when coffee i can put coffee on a bagel and i'll have diarrhea anytime so why do people drink coffee if it just gives everyone diarrhea because what are you even doing if you don't drink coffee don't you want to live your fucking life you ever see though like in a starbucks especially here in hollywood like all these people dread all these women dressed up and you just met and they're getting these giant frappuccinos you just imagine them shitting but isn't that the point i mean how how are you supposed to leave the house if you don't blow it out in a rush people are just

walking around with all of it in like so sexist of you to just like blame starbucks on a woman i want to see scott's morning pages it's probably like and then i pictured a woman having diarrhea what goes in must come out etc that's why i think it's weird to go on a on a first date to go to a restaurant it's like you're just you know what i mean it's like you're just feeding the beast you don't want women to eat yeah no what would you prefer to do what's your ideal pick them up at noon they don't eat the rest of the day so you want them starved yeah i want them up early getting out what they need to get out awake i want them sharp i'm not saying i want to but i want them tired by seven we're usually talking the first four hours of the day is all

diarrhea i really think about it because if you have one cup of coffee that's gonna i mean yeah that's gonna put you in the bathroom for most of the day so what so have you been a good girl every year or no no i've been bad how many years i've been bad for like four years well four years running yeah four years running oh no what do you think that's like four day years and four day nights yeah four years it's good math what what do you think you've done to turn you into such a bag i mean i've been bad because like i talked back to whom to a guy oh okay so it's the men of the towns yeah the men of the town that wasn't clear i thought there was a mythical creature like a four rock car like Henry Ford the ghost of Henry Ford no it's the ghost of Gerald Ford oh interesting

yeah and he fills your boots but really it is the the town's man oh got it yeah like the council the oh it's a select group it's town council yeah okay so it's now voted on no democratically no no it's just a select group of people appointed it's that's problematic that they have that power over you throughout the year to sort of say hey if you don't do this uh things might look bad in your boots or whatever because that feels like put you in a position where you had to do things to get the chili it's like and the guys would say don't you want the chili yeah i mean i get it but like i just like again like i've lived in the community for so long i just support like all the men with their big rock hard trucks and their small small tiny sticks and like that is just like

i'll do anything for them so if they tell me like i'm doing something wrong like whatever you're willing to change like yeah like i will go out there and i will go to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and i will ship my brains out and i will like i mean i get really creative out there in what way what do you mean creative with what like building a roof over my head oh so so shelter yeah so i would imagine you have to forge for food and you have to build shelter although i guess you have the truck for shelter but you can't sleep in the truck you're not allowed to sleep all you have to survive for why are you bringing it to get to the desert that's part of the that's part of the tradition you're your boyfriend sends you and his truck out into the

desert to survive it's not your truck you have whatever contents he's left in the truck so last year i got left um just like some leftover mcdonald's by the way there is no mcdonald's on the table here so so this is stuff that actually happened i got left some Kleenex's some trash can a little sign that said this area is regularly disinfected uh a big of pens some tape did he leave you any sheer podcast microphones um yes yeah to create my own podcast a blazer uh well that's i mean this is a terrible story max i don't i don't know how you feel about this i mean i i i just i have a lot of thoughts but i feel like i'm an outsider judging a community i don't live in and what might be weird to me is normal to you but not to give him a

donor but we i've never walked in your shoes oh my god i'm set feet i might pass out all the blood is rushing to my groin um but what about this jerald ford how come you know jerald ford is 38th president of the united states his ghost just doesn't go anywhere usually it's in the swamp washington dc so what is it doing in monotone you think that's the swamp i mean it's an interesting take on politics university of ford and washington dc is the swamp the two swamps yeah yeah yeah what are you gonna do obama well i mean jerald is actually the creator of the ford rock hard series most people think it was like henry ford and like ford or whatever but actually jerald ford took a break from being president whoa to create the ford rock hard truck is

that why carter got elected i had always presumed that it was because people liked him more than ford and people were tired of the of you know the the the nixon regime and all that but it was because he wanted to design the ford rock hard series yep and he wanted the wheels as tall as himself he said that was his one that was the quote wow huh you people do sometimes i mean i feel like he has this kind of cartoon reputation as being maybe a dimmer present but clumsy exactly but to find out maybe he was just distracted because he was working on a pretty giant feat of product engineering and yeah launching this big thing that's absolutely a feat of engineering okay all right all right hashtag feet if you will yeah f e a t f e a t i ate the feet

i ate the feet yeah like the taco bells what i ate my fourth meal is absolutely a foot you know and i'm not i'm not eating it i'm not swallowing but i'm definitely putting it in my mouth i say i'm a foot long but penny foolish does that make sense it doesn't it was all i heard was foot yeah so you're a penny is a penny foot yeah yeah you had me at that speaking of pennies anyone want to take anything oh no please oh my god they just evaporate you put them on the table and it just is a puddle like cereal that's been left in the bowl for a week or whatever just cheerios all day your cheerios in the bowl for a week oh these are part of the um the sexual chess games i'm playing with my wife while we write that's one of the things we fight

about like yeah yeah who's gonna clean up those cheerios yeah as we're working on a lot so it's part of like manipulating her until like having sex later no she's manipulating me by starting a fight she's leading the cheerios out so like aren't you mad about it aren't you so mad that i won't put away the cheerios because i don't like cereal i love that so which which chess which chess piece would you say you are in the relationship are you are you a rook are you a castle are you a pawn um bishop hello what do you what do you mean when you say that just now that i have a little experience in scripted podcasting it can it can help to have a narrator or yourself uh redo the line but say the thing you're doing you know to describe it for the people just at home so when

you said hello yeah um i gave my hand came out with a little flourish it didn't come out with a little flourish it came out with a little down at the wrist it did no no what i was doing was what bishops do at mass when they they go down to grab a little communion wafer and they place it on your tongue in private while they're saying i trust me i'm a urologist i want to see your most trusted thing yeah we're on the same page so how do you think this year you're gonna be a good girl or um i think this year i have been a good girl really so you haven't talked back i haven't talked back i'm not too old that's another one so you were too old before once you turn 30 no that this is just like one of the girls once you turn 30 like you for sure are bad um and you will be going

to the desert how old are you i'm young yeah no i mean you seem no i'm young is there like a job that they give older women in the town to at least like help keep like windows clean or like the lamp slit something like that something useful like reaper i mean if they survive the 40 days and 40 nights then they can be brought back as an elder oh oh and so they're just one of the older women in the town who you know like maybe owns the bridal shop like murg you remember murg i remember murg yeah yeah yeah you know like those those other jobs they're just like manager jobs where they're they're there to help the young women yeah the young women they they corral the women yeah that's great you know i have sexless herders kind of yeah exactly you would love it there scott you

would fit right i really do the way that you talk to me when i'm here your whole energy towards me the way you wanted to see my feet immediately yeah amen yeah scott's a montrose man you're a montrose guy yeah and i might be i have a poster up in my office speaking of older women that says the older the foot the sweeter the juice okay is this the office that the patients can see or is a private back office you patients enjoy this this is my back off oh you're back sure oh nice back office yeah my front office is just very professional it's just my uh my speaking spell machine that i've rigged my text to talk yeah i think if i ever saw that i i don't know that i would ever i don't know that i'm coming back now well then i'll come to you okay actually it sounds

great as i'm looking to get specialists to find some people that come to my house yeah it's not bad well i i wish you luck kala i mean this is a great time of year and i hope that uh you come out of this on the other end with some chili in your boots thank you i don't think i've ever said that before wow well i missed you uh it's great to have you on and many hamburgers to you as well much chili to you i appreciate that may you have chili in your boots may you find chili but also a little soup what does that mean if you have mostly chili but a little soup even a little bad always good to be a little bad and i hope you end the day with a foot in your mouth i don't know all right well we're running out of time we only have time for one final feature on

the show and that is of course a little something called plugs i can hear your plugs theme oh wow coming through my phone beautiful can i stream your tv show on all platforms what's your twitter handle can i get those deeds want to see where you're playing in the city next week you give me plugs plugs plugs plugs crazy plugs you give me plugs plugs plugs plugs crazy wow that was crazy plugs by adam schilling which i believe is a parody of the van morrison song crazy love is that right yes it's more like i'm just beautiful i thought it was a parody oh okay you didn't think it was beautiful i thought it was a very funny parody i didn't see you laughing

i saw you crying during that thank you dad um guys what do we want to plug obviously uh max we have passed my bedtime please uh i'm gonna stop there and let you take over i would love it if people would check out past my bedtime on audible written by me and leah beckman also i'm on social media as max Sylvester but i give almost no content to that so don't follow me unfollow me if you do yeah and what's leah up to other than uh past my bedtime um she uh wrote on the new pitch perfect spinoff bumper in berlin that premieres in uh this week or next on peacock yeah that looks good check that out all right with a friend of the show adam divine exactly yeah all right fantastic um dr footman what do you want to plug uh i'll plug the first two seasons of righteous gemstones just

the first two you think the third's gonna be bad no it just hasn't come out yet and it won't be out by the time this podcast comes out i'm gonna look forward i but people are listening to this in the future when the third season is probably gonna be out and you don't want people to watch it then right so let's say you have a friend of a friend and you're discovering the podcast you start from the beginning so maybe sometime in 2027 you're listening to this episode yeah stream all the seasons of all of them okay not just the first two no no no no all the seasons uh yeah and so also stream uh hey randy on the cbb world patreon uh give me randy snuts give me uh his scandalous devious uh girlfriend carissa also his best friend stew and amber you can't forget them yeah

give me all those perfection uh especially the live show we loved it you want to do more of those what's that why uh uh you want to listen to more of the threatening it's not a threat okay all right do you i just know i'm genuine you never mind oh yes yeah you want to listen to more of that would they would it be fun for them to do more shows i wonder that's a hypothetical i've had a lot of people ask me about that uh and say dms that say something like you know show me your body more hey randy live you're getting these yes yeah yeah interesting well because they know you're his doctor well i'm subscribed to the patreon oh okay so oh i didn't realize that was a feature when you're at cbb world you can just send random dms to everyone

it's going down in those dms oh okay yeah um well fantastic um uh kala what do you want to plug um okay well i would love to plug um all the ford rock hard trucks i would like to plug even the just the 100 model even the 100 i would give it up really i don't know it's so old at this point okay literally ford rock hard 150 um i would like to plug um a uh the movie spirited oh yeah there's um a really good little girl in it oh for a brief amount of time stunning feet the horniest feet you can think of and then um the i this cbb sec feet presents um podcast this book changed my life the stitcher podcast going deep and also the very easy um social media handle at la y y y y

what am i what am i scott i forgot i should um plug one more thing sure uh well obviously the website wiki feet okay inspired by julien asange um information should be free etc yeah speaking of peacock bumper and bruleen starring adam divine uh also shrink on peacock oh that's right yes people can see shrink now which it just got put up in the last couple of months so that's wonderful um i want to plug uh so many things first of all the comedy bang bang book coming out in april we want to make this first week we want to make it a best seller so pre-order the book right now you can go to cbbworld.com slash book and we've uh i gotta say i've seen the numbers and we've sold a lot so but we can sell more and try to get up there on the the best seller list

that would be very cool to for people to open the old gray lady and have to see what turned out to be number one and go what the fuck is this it looks this looks stupid um i also want to plug the best of voting best of voting is now open go over to cbbworld.com slash vote and vote for your 10 favorite episodes of the year and we'll count them down at the end of the year and while you're over there go to cbbworld.com slash book and enter our contest which is if you've bought the book just show your receipt and you can enter to uh i we're gonna pick one person to i'm going to let them uh pick an episode that they want to sponsor in the best ofs and i'll say whatever you want me to say about it and talk about why you liked it uh go to cbbworld.com slash book now okay let's

close up the old plug bag take one hand put it up take the other put it down you're gonna make a box it's time to start to close it but don't close it too much or you open up the plug bag we're opening up that plug bag and when you open up that plug bag you open up your heart for the rest of the world i'm talking open up the plug bag oh boy that was don't fear the plug bag by dunk and meek i also call that quit while you're ahead guys i want to thank you so much max always great to see you please promise you'll come back in approximately 12 months or so we can talk about this set again that you did um kayla wonderful to have you so good to have you here as well

miss you uh it's wonderful to have you on the show and uh dr footman what else can we say hashtag feet absolutely we have to say that i'll see you soon either in my office or at your house okay you come to me now if i'm gonna keep coming to and keeping you on as my doctor i want you to come to me that's the only way i promise i'll say nicer things about your feet okay you will that's really all i'm looking for because there's i mean they're gross but i mean there's nothing wrong with them i just go in there for compliments i didn't know that yeah will you give them to me yes okay thank you what a beautiful little possum i love how it squeaks do you have any more money in there uh before we go yeah here we go let me take off my socks

oh here's a here's a few 20s oh my god here's a five here's some nickels oh my god scott's literally shitting his pants i mean shit my pants looking at all this money he loves it oh my god well let's make sure he did take off those pants all right we'll do we'll see you next time thanks bye