Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Money Come On Paper (Dan Mangan, Heather Anne Campbell, Austin Williams)

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Musician Dan Mangan is back, joining the nine-timers club while promoting his tour and his latest album, “Natural Light.” Former Resident Evil Merchant tells us about his hustles and grinds. Finally, this episode becomes a two-singer dinger as crooner Lloyd Martin visits from Las Vegas to delight us with some songs. Plus, a round of “Would You Rather?” Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Always. Sorry, 2026 horror film The Bride. Oh, I messed that up. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Not Alvaro Mendez for that catchphrase submission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. We have a great show coming up a little later. Oh, boy, we have a two-singer show.

Oh, wow. And not the singer-sewing machines. No, we have two performers who are going to sing songs for us today on the show. That's exciting. We also have an entrepreneur. This is a great episode of Comedy Bang. as far as I'm concerned, to have a two sing a dingy? This is incredible. Why don't we get to, by the way, my name is Scott Ackerman. I'm not necessarily a singer, but I've been known to carry a tune. So we'll see how that goes. Let's get to our first guest. He's an old, old friend of the show. His first episode was 2011. He is entering the nine-timers club on Comedy Bang-Bang. He is here. promoting his newish album Natural Light.

Please welcome back to the show, Dan Mangon. Hello, thank you for having me. Hi, Dan. Great to see you from Vancouver. That's right. Anytime we play a show in Vancouver, people say, oh good, Dan will be there. And you have been, I think, every single time.

It's been the not-so-secret surprise every single time. We can't say you're going to be there because then people would come expecting, I mean. Then they wouldn't come. No, come on. They would come expecting a full concert, but honestly, you play three songs. How much longer could a full concert actually be? And how much more could they possibly want?

Exactly. Welcome back to the show. It's always great having you. Of course, we talk about how the first time you were on the show in 2011, we didn't know each other. And I just got a, maybe it was even a CD of your album. And I really liked it and asked you to do the show. And you came expecting it to be. God bless promo people, I guess.

You send CDs. CDs are these little plastic things that spin around in a circle and make music. Yes. And you came and you didn't know what it was and you had such a great time. You've been here now nine times. An incredible success story. It really is. You know what?

I've been on tour all down the West Coast just now the last couple weeks. And almost every single night, if I go to the merch table to talk with folks afterwards, somebody will say, I heard you on comedy backwards. Oh, that's, I love hearing that. How often do you go to that merch table to talk to people? It's a size-related thing. 10% of the time. In Canada, where the size is a little larger, I don't go, because it ruins my voice to talk.

You are, and I believe we talked about it, you're very famous in Canada. Huge. Hugely famous in Canada. Legend. Mainly because of the Canadian content laws. Mostly. And the tariffs. It's also the tariffs.

Well, that's the thing is, like, we want to buy your music. But these tariffs on your on your MP3s? In fact, it was a big part of the NAFTA negotiations was just my catalog and what people Oh, really? I had no idea. We're going to do to figure out who could listen and when and how much it was going to cost. You are on tour right now. In fact, you have some upcoming dates in April.

You've been touring your record Natural Light, which is as far as I'm concerned, an SEC, Stone Cold Classic. And it's a great one. if you haven't heard Dan stuff, I mean, you're going to play some songs here. I'll play some stuff for me. Yeah. But it's a great. And, you know, I was on the Wikipedia page of the record today,

trying desperately to think of things to talk to you about. It's hard. And I had no idea, and I just brought this up to the group chat. I had no idea that our friend Mike Castle co-wrote one of your songs. So, Lauren Lapkis's very husband. That's right. You were there. You were at the wedding when he said the words.

I mean, it was like some of the best wedding vows I've ever heard. Both of them, such brilliant writers. They put them through AI as well. Yeah, of course. They polished him up. Yeah. As you do. And he said to Lauren, you know, I love you so much.

In relative terms, I hate everyone else. And it killed, right? Like, it was, it was like a penultimate moment. It's slayed. It's slayed so hard that Lauren kind of got jealous. And she, like, looked at the crowd and scowled at him and said, don't laugh as much for him. She completely lost focus that she was. the like, you know, the target of the adoration.

And I thought that line was so brilliant that I put it in a song and I sent it to Mike and he was like, oh, that's so cool. And then I encouraged him to get a membership to a performing rights organization so that I could properly credit him with some of the songwriting. So is ASCAP or BMI one of these two? I think I directed him to ASCAP. Okay, great. Which has the best name. That's the only reason. Of course.

Yes, cap is so much fun. Well, it's ASAP, but with a C in the middle of it, which is cool. But I'm a member of that organization myself. And so he wrote that one line. How much of a cut does he actually get? Does he get a full, like, fourth or? I think I gave him 5%. Five percent.

That's generous. That's generous to be awesome. I thought you were going to say the opposite thing. I thought you were going to say no. I'd start at one and then have him negotiate up to two. He was very pleased. It was a win for everybody. I was happy to, you know, honor.

I had no idea about that story. I texted it to our group chat and he has not responded. Yeah, classic. He must be working. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what he does. But yeah, does he work actually? We don't know.

But that's so good. It's a gorgeous, beautiful song. I also played your recent holiday song on CBBFM, which we all talked about and said it was so good. Thank you. So much good stuff. And you've been touring with Natural Light, which came out in 2025. And once the tour is over, what happens?

Crawl into a hole and die. Oh, okay, cool. All right, well, it's been great knowing you. I guess you won't join the 10-timers club. Although, if we play Vancouver this summer, maybe you... Or will he? Uh-oh. Will you won't he?

I... You know what? This is the best record I've ever made for sure. Every artist says that about their latest record. It's so cringy and stupid. But this is the truth. I don't know if I'll ever match it again. And so I'm just going to live in the existential dread of that.

Yeah, but before it came out, you had made a best record. You know what I mean? Before it came out, you were like, oh, that, whatever it was is the best record I've ever made, I'll probably never top it. And then you went and made a new record and you topped it. So you can, I mean, as far as I'm concerned, you can do that every single time. This is what I don't understand. Like, people who make movies and put out records and stuff.

Why do they make bad ones? Yeah, make it the best one that you've ever put out. I mean, it is that simple, right? Like, just like, why? It's like, why, like, here's what? I would do if I were making something and I got I got it back after it was done and it was not as good as anything else I'd ever put out. I would say like, oh, I'll just throw it away. And that's why I do with this podcast here. If this isn't the best episode, like better than every single

episode we've ever put out, then I throw it away. And that's why we only come out once a week. I record probably 25 a week. At least. And I only put out the ones that are better than every single other one. And that's the thing. I'm the nine timers club that got to. air. We've done 50 or 60. We've done so many episodes and they've been terrible. Oh, so bad. But or not terrible, just not as good as the ones that I put out before. So yeah, of course, yeah.

So, um, are you, I, so I would encourage you, uh, by the way, I'm constantly saying, saying stuff around you. And you've never like stolen one of my things and given me 5% of a song. You know, like, like, I'm constantly like, well, like, so I'm just, I'm writing right now in my head. I guess I can write and listen to the time. And it goes like, you know, I'm always saying things around you and you're never putting my words in a song. Not horrible, to be honest. But is it the best song I've ever written? I don't know if I'm going to release that. Okay, we'll figure it out. Anyway, I'm looking,

and by the way, you're not going to stick me at 5% by the way. Now I know that's what you're willing to pay. I'm talking to a bona fide ass cap member. It is a really great record. You know, look, I don't think that I have to sell you to comedy bang, bang, bang listeners. They obviously, they come up to you at the merch table. Anytime you dain to actually go to one and they tell you, they've heard of you through this show. I don't have to sell people, but we do have new listeners all the time. I think the last time you were on the show was, I mean, obviously our last tour show, but the last time you were on this show proper was three years ago, episode 794.

I was going to say 797. Seven. So, yeah, yeah. But we have new listeners that have started listening to the show since then. So if you haven't checked out Dan's stuff, you've got to check it out. He is not as well known here in the States, but we're desperately trying to change that. We're working on it. You're out here. You're really plugging away.

I mean, you're making a concerted effort. I crossed the border to be here, guys. Yeah. And that's not such an easy thing to do these days. It's getting weirder and weirder. Yeah. So we love when you come down here. We love that you make time for the show.

And we love your music. So those are three things we love about you. Now name three things you love about me. You have a nice laptop. It's not really about me. It's about my possessions. But I guess I did. My personality enabled me to earn the money to buy that laptop.

So I'll take it. Your shirt matches your eyes. Okay, I didn't buy either of those things. And I'm not in control of my eyes. I really wish you would compliment me. me on something that I had some sort of control over. I like your podcast. I mean, you like the guests on it.

You don't like me, probably, but I'll take it. Look, I'll take it, Dan. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Now, you're going to play some songs before we go to a break. Is that right? Sure, yeah, yeah. I don't think we're ready for it quite yet.

But you're at the ready. I'm ready. You cue me. You brought a musical instrument with you. Do we need to explain what this is to people? It's, I believe it's called a guide, guit tar, guiter, guiter, guiter, and you have that and it looks as if you have a capo. Is capo short for anything? Like, caponautry.

Caponographer, is the Latin. You know, like capo is really high up on the neck. It's too high. So normally the song that I was going to play first at some point. We'll play it, we'll play it when we, before we go to a break, we'll get there. I recorded it the whole thing tuned down a full style. step. And I don't want to do that to my guitar right now. So I put the capo on the 10th. So how do you play it? Because it's all the way up there by the body of the guitar.

Uncomfortably is how it's. That looks too hard. I would just quit if I were you. Yeah. I'll suffer for you. Well, Dan's going to play some music. So this is really exciting that you're here. We always love when you're here and check out all of Dan's earlier appearances. But not yet. Like wait till the end of the podcast and then go listen. Turn this one off. Who cares? Just listen to the old ones. We need to get to our next guest, if that's okay. They are an entrepreneur, and I don't really know what store they're in charge of,

but please welcome to the show for the first time, the Resident Evil Merchant. Hey, it's me, the Resident Evil Merchant, and I'm here to say hello to my new best friend, Scott, and my second new best friend, Dan. Hi, guys. Hi. Hello.

Hi, how are you doing? Hi, so nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you, too. I've been a friend on the podcast. Oh, okay. Well, that's so nice. I mean, see, this is how you compliments. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If I had to name three things about you that I liked, your fingers are delicate. Okay, I do, you know, okay. You have a good sensibility about food. I don't know where you're getting that from. I watch to eat. Okay, wait, when? Because I haven't eaten for about two hours at this point.

I got here early. Oh, okay. I got here early and I was, you know, just doing some reconn. Okay, yeah, reconnaissance. Yeah, reconnaissance. So, do you think that could be called a caponiscence?

Caponiscence, yeah, might be. Maybe that's what it's short for. I didn't know there was a longer word. Did you get to the third thing? I can't recall. My finger is the way, my relationship to food. And what was the other thing? Oh, I guess the podcast.

You like that. Yeah, those three things. Yeah. Wonderful to have you, the resident evil merchants. Former. Formerly in Resident Evil, but you're still a merchant? I'm still a merchant. I got fired for my job.

No. Yeah. Wayoffs? Yeah, they remade the game with somebody else. No. It's devastating. But I'm so sorry. Making ends meet here and there, hanging out in Los Angeles.

Striping by. I'm so sorry. I have to be honest. Dan, are you a gamer at all? Do you ever play video games? I played Resident Evil a long time. I was saying, you know, you know my work? What are you buying?

What are you selling? That's me. I love at least three things about you. Oh, at least. I love it. Okay, let me tell you. I love the way you ask about what I'm buying. Okay, that's, yeah, okay.

That's why. And I love the way you ask about what I'm selling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two. All right. And I love your voice. Oh, thank you so much. That means a lot to me.

I can't wait to love your voice. I love a singing voice. I myself cannot sing. You cannot sing, really? You've tried to? Yeah, yeah. You can't carry a tune or you, people don't, you can carry a tune and people don't like the sound of your voice?

Wait, where do you have to go with it? Okay, yeah, are you, is this what you're like in the game? You're taking things very literally? I think of best, I haven't played Resident Evil. I don't really know anything about it. Oh, don't you don't got to do it now. Is that one where you wander around or do you shoot people? Well, there's like a guy that you control and he shoots.

people who have La Plaga and then when you stop by and you need to buy something, you're buying from me or the guy who got hired after I lost my job. I guess you can't say something like La Plaga and not actually explain it to a person like me. Oh, it's a virus developed by the

Umbrella Corporation. Of course. Dan, you know all this though. It's been a moment, but yeah, it is all coming back and I can feel the Plaga coming out. It feels like, I mean, you say it's been it feels like if something like that were to happen in real life, it wouldn't be like, Oh, yeah. It's been a minute since the Laplaga virus that was developed by the Umbrella Corporation came out.

But I sort of remember. The wild thing about it is it, you know, it didn't actually go away. We just kind of normalized it. Yeah. It's still out there. Still make fun of people for wearing masks. Yeah, exactly. You can get it at the grocery store. I mean, you can't buy it. You can't buy the Laplaga. I don't think you can.

Yeah. So you never sold it. No, I don't sell Laplaga. What were some of the things you would sell to people? red herb green herb to what end why are people buying these herbs

they have restorative or medicinal qualities oh you don't know what you know why but you don't want to talk I'm not I'm no judgment okay no judgment for me red herb green herb

I'll take a little bit of green if you know what I'm saying Dan oh yeah get that Rezzie Eve going I'll come back later oh I don't well I mean I'll drop it off I'm free from 11.30 at night until about one in the morning.

Those hours are way too late for me. I'm not quite sure that I'll be receptive to that. Well, then I'll get in and I'll leave it for you. I'll get out on my own. Okay. I don't know. I don't know if I like the sound of that. But what other things would you sell to people and weapons?

Yeah, weapons upgrade screws. Screws. Yeah, if you need to, like, upgrade your weapon, you could get, like, I had a bag of screws. You had a bag of screws, and people would buy these from you. Yeah, yeah. bag of screws. Anyone ever need just one screw? And you're like,

this isn't worth it for me to keep one screw lying on. It's like when you ask a guy at 7-11, if you can have one of the six cans and he gets upset. That's me. Although, if you ask for one of their hot dogs, they're fine with it. Is that true? I think so.

I got to shift my order around it to 7-Eleven. Is 7-Eleven in the Resident Evil universe? No, but it's here in Los Angeles. Where I live now? Sometimes I go to 7-Ev them to sell. Hot Dogs. Yeah. Are you the dealer?

No, but like when I go in there and they're like, are you buying or are you selling? Yeah, a lot of people don't know. So 7-Eleven will buy things from you too. Do you know if there's like an exchange rate difference, a different 7-Eleven on hot dogs because I see an angle? That's why it's called 7-Eleven. Yeah, 7-to-Eleven. You buy them at 7-1. Yeah.

That's a name. I'd say you turn a profit, my friend. Yeah. That is, I mean, you guys are making money out here. If you buy hot dogs from them for $7, you can sell them. back for $11. That's incredible. That's one simple trick

that they don't want you to know about. Oh, that's like a YouTube video. Oh, you know what YouTube is? This one simple trick can make an instant money. Yeah. Clerks hate it. Clerks hate this one simple trick.

Buy a hot dog at seven and you only have to get one. Yeah. You do have to leave the establishment. You can't just like buy it. That's okay. They always want me to leave. You have to like turn around.

Some people do the, who is it, Grandpa Simpson, and who turns around and walks right in the famous meme, Dan? I put on a wig is what I do when I come back in, and I pretend I'm a totally different person. So this is like a scam you've been running for a while? Yeah, I mean, let's say music is hard to make a living at, so hot dogs is my side has a good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, hot dogs, easy to make a living at. Easy, easy. You know the Super Bowl. People are cooking hot dogs. But the thing is, is about 7-Eleven. They only have like three or four in the thing at a time, so it's not like you can, like, oh, I'll have five,

thousand hot dogs. You gotta call them ahead of time. You get me like, hey, I'm gonna be there in a half hour. I need 30 of those boys. Did you sell hot dogs? I mean, I've sold a lot of things since I lost my job. Hot dogs, socks. Sox. There's a lot of free stuff you can get down at the L.A. River and then sell it.

Free stuff like, like, you're gonna take it. People's roast stuff away and you can get a profit. But now that I know this hot dog, angle. I have to ask, what did you just say? Huh? The first thing, you said something about blah, blah, blah, blah, blop it. Yeah, I know. I hate to, I mean, aren't you recording this?

Yeah, but I don't want to rewind it just so I could hear exactly what you said. I didn't realize you were repeating all this. I didn't understand the concept of the show. I'm listening to it in the moment, and then I recorded for future listens for other people. Okay, so it's not lost to time what I said. No, no, no, no. Although, you know, can you imagine that until podcasts were invented, most of what human being said was lost to time?

That's a shame. Other than if you were some guy like Ben Franklin who would write down all the, like, oh, a penny saved. Oh, yeah, that's cool. What? A penny saved, is a penny earned? You are blowing my mind. That is crazy.

Yeah. That is crazy. He came up with that, didn't he? Ben Franklin. I know you're Canadian. Wait a minute. know a lot about the name. No, I remember this meme. Yeah. The Benjamin Franklin meme? He invented

that he was an inventor, right? He invented the meme. Can I, I'm sorry, can I ask a clarifying question about what you said? Sure. When you're saving the penny. Yeah. How does it make it more money? I think the, I think the, the concept behind that, if I'm not mistaken, is that if you immediately spend every money that you work for, it's like you haven't worked at all

I don't know this guy who's fucking crazy man this bi-focal electricity lover he was a freak and a pervert he was a pervert he was a pervert I know this about him

he used to sit on his porch naked this guy I try to remain clothed but the original saying is actually a pony saved is a pony earned really and people just mispronounced it all these years

it was like broken telephone kind of thing yeah got it I like that. It attracts a little bit more than a penny. Because if you have a pony and you get rid of it, you can't go anywhere. But if you have a penny, it's like, it's the same amount of penny. That's right. That's a good point. Unless you take it to 7-Eleven and then we'll give you 11 pennies for every seven. Whoa. So across the board, anything you could bring in. Anything. Anything you buy there. It's on the 7-Eleven ratio. That is, I don't know how they're doing business. Takedos. I don't know. That's because people don't know about it. So I'm always trying to make money and I'm doing an okay job. Yeah. You know, if you're something you need, you just slide me a little piece of paper and I'll probably find it for you.

Is it a paper that says what we need on it or are you talking about money? Currency. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Money come on paper. Money come on paper. I hate to break it to you, but money come on paper. I have always said that. I thought, because I saw a TV show.

where the money was, if you was on paper, it was counterfeit. Yeah, occasionally there will be a crime film of some sort that they'll deal in counterfeit paper. But, I mean, you need to see more than one film because... I have. You'd be surprised how infrequently the printing of money is the subject of a movie. I saw that in a movie and I was like,

oh, God, I've got to find out more about this. This gives me a good idea for just a down-on-his-luck guy who works at the treasury. Oh, like a movie. you're right? Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. People write movies. Yeah. I love it. And then they only put them out when they're good and better than the previous one that they did. Wait, like your podcast. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. There's 50 movies made to everyone that shows at the theater. That's usually the ratio. It's not a 7 to 11 ratio necessarily. It's a 50 to 1 or something. If you exchange one movie at 711, do you get a better one back? You do. Yeah. Especially at the red box outside. The red. The red box. Yeah. Did you use to sell things in a red box or what was your store?

Did I sell things in a noise? I don't know. What did your store look like? I haven't played the game. It's okay. It's okay. I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't mean to upset you. I feel like I don't know anything about you and I don't know what questions to ask you. Oh, no. Okay. Well, you could ask me like, okay, you asked me how I sold? Yeah, did you sell things in a red box? I have a jacket with a lot of pockets and I open up their jacket and I show you the words. Okay. Are people scared that you're going to open up the jacket and you're naked like Benjamin Franklin?

I mean, because of the citizen. app, yeah, but otherwise they are unafraid. Man, if that Citizen App were around during the founding father's days, who knows what would happen? You get a little red icon over Benjamin Franklin's house. But to answer your question, you can ask

me any question. Okay. I'll talk you about philosophy. I'll talk you about recipes. I'll talk to you about anything you want. Scott. Do you think philosophical question that overlaps with recipes? Okay. Yeah, I guess could overlap with high school. But

Is it morally right for people to use someone else's recipe? Oh, that's interesting. Okay, okay. So is it morally correct? In high school. Are you taking credit for the dish? Like, are you like, this is my cursorol? No, you get class credit for the, for doing it.

I was even going to say, is it morally right to use someone else's. Well, you can turn in food for a class. If you're good. Yeah. I flunked school. and if I had known this out, I brought a sandwich in every day. They have school in the Resident Evil universe? Yes, they do.

Did that ever come up when you were playing the game, Dan? Mostly just zombies shooting stuff. Right, but you've seen the infrastructure, the land of ruin. It only happens because the infrastructure pre-exist. And once everything starts collapsing, then like the school system is shut down. Is that the first thing to go? The school system? Well, the plumbing is the first thing to go.

That's what they don't talk about in the zombie universe. versus, like, the Walking Dead and all these things, they're shitting in the woods all the time. All the time. Or buckets. A bucket. But you can put sand over it. But it'd fill up fast.

That's good, though. Like, we're the zombies pooing. That's like, do zombies poo. Do zombies, but that, I mean, that's a horrible thing to think about. Because they're already gross enough. There's so gross. But then to think about them with, like, poop in there. But you seem like eating all the intestines and stuff.

And eventually one of those zombies is going to be like, God, I'm Or do they explode once they eat too much? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be a way to get rid of them. You're just got to bring them to a buffet. Sacrifice. And, like, stand back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you know another thing that's inaccurate about the Walking Dead? What's that? Well, gasoline only lasts about two months. Oh, right, I had, but they're always out there, like, finding old cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It loses its ability to combust, so you can't. So anything two months into the Walking Dead universe, Cars would be worthless

Unless people are out there making new gas Yeah, generators, all of it wouldn't work. So why do we watch this shit? With our good friend, previous guest, Robert Kirkman created. Oh, yeah, Kirkman. And I'm part of the Invincible Universe coming up in season four or five, whatever one is coming up. What does that mean are you Invincible now?

Invincible is another show that he created. Are you on it? I will be on it, yes. You get to keep your powers when you go home? I hope so. I believe I'm a spaceship captain of some sort So I believe I only have the The power to be able to navigate ships

Ask you the power to navigate ships Spaceships And maybe only to just give orders To the people who know how to do it Well that seems like a skill you couldn't leave The set with Yeah I guess so There wasn't really a set either

It's a cartoon So I kind of went into a place in Burbank It just laid a couple of tracks down Well they filmed that in Burbank It looks good Like hip hop like you were spitting verses Yeah you know I was like turned me up in the headphones

Oh, no, too loud, too loud. Turn me down in the headphones. No, softer, softer. I can't hear my snare. That's what they say all right. They say. I got no snare in my headphones. Okay, one, two.

That's how they start a rap. One, two, yeah. It's like, hey, guys, call me back when it's three, four. You've got to be offer only for that. I was offer only and I was indeed offered. And I believe my only acting gig in the last three years, because I'm offer only. What can I call you my best friend?

Oh dear. You know what? Let's wait until the end of this show to see how we land because you never know what happens on this show. But you know what, Resident Evil Merchant, we do need to take a break if that's okay. Yeah, that's fine. We're going to, Dan, are you ready to play a song? What do you got here?

I'm going to do a song. This is about climate change and sex. Climate change and sex. And I would imagine the hotter it gets, the more horny we are, something to that. And you can put that in the song. and I'll take 6%. It's deeply inspired by Nellie's.

It's getting hot in her. Okay, great. All right. Here we go. This is Dan Mangan with a newish song. This is a song called Diminishing Returns. Diminishing Returns. Everyone agrees we are concerned.

One place underwater another burns. No one is surprised, but everybody's shocked with diminishing returns. Worn out shoes from pacing around the room The hashtag used as universal doom Fished up all the fishes And wishing for more wishes With diminishing return You could say the walls are caving in

That the waves will come and wash away These castles made a sand Doesn't change the way I feel Because what's real is you and me in the afternoon Just your love in the afternoon I don't presume to know what is in store Just how many wolves are at the door But I've seen your body bending

With the morning light ascending And I will die defending our diminishing returns Oh you could say the war are caving in at the waves will come and wash away these castles made a sand doesn't change the way

I feel because what's real is you and me just your love in the afternoon even just the thought of you well I love afternoon And as it gets hotter we'll get hornier That's right my man Very nice

Dan. Love it. Incredible. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Dan Mangon. We're going to have more music with him. We're going to have more with our Resident Evil Merchant. Plus another singer. This is a two-singer, dinger. Here we go.

We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang. Bang after this. Comedy Bang, Bang, Bang. We're back. Dan Mangon is here. The album is Natural Light. And he just played a song called Diminishing Returns. Is that on the record? Track number two.

Track number two. So that's, you really front-loaded this thing. That's a hot, hot, hot. And the one that you wrote with Mike that he gets 5% of, that's number three?

Yeah, good memory, yeah. Wow. And then what's number one again? Actually, it's a song that I debuted on Comedy Bang Bang. That's right. Called It Might Be Raining. Before you ever recorded it,

you played it with us up in Vancouver, right? Yeah, yeah. And got a great response. And then that's the lead off track of your record. That's right. Incredible. And if no one had liked it and no one clapped, would it still be on your record?

In the garbage. Because it wouldn't have been the best one. Exactly, yes. You know how this works. I do know how it works. We're also here with the Resident Evil merchants. That's me. It's a Resident Evil merchant.

That's right. Do they have songs in Resident Evil or I guess there's probably underscore? Yeah, there's like a soundtrack when you're playing the game. But if you're asking if I could hear that while I was selling goods, no. No. So everything you know about the game like the sound. track and everything. You've gone back and actually watched the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you've watched how you acted. Do you feel like you came off well? Or do you like your edit?

I have no idea why they fired me. Like, I thought I did a great job if every time you wanted something I was there to sell them to you. No performance review or anything. Nothing. No, no Capcom, which is the company that puts out the games, didn't contact me. Is that sure for Capocom? Capocon. Capcom. Come. I don't know. Tengenful.

Who did they replace you with? Who's this? Another dude. Just another dude? Like another guy. What does their voice sound like? I'm not very good at impressions. But if you could.

It's smooth. Oh, okay. Buttery. So people didn't milk-like. Maybe some of the sort of feedback that people gave about you is you have, I mean, you have a grading voice. Abrasive. Abraiserable personality is your... Oh, no.

You were talking about your voice. Yeah, I'm talking about my voice. I'm talking about my voice. Right, right, right. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I think having an abrasive voice, then can, people can misconstrue that you have an abrasive personality.

I try to be kind. Because you are a very, I mean, you are very pleasant, actually. I'm a listener. But when someone comes up to you and go, I'm your best friend. But like pirates, for instance, when they're like, arg.

You think they're mean, right? Well, pirates. Pirates, pirates aren't mean. They'd like go in a place and they burn it. Not all pirates. Hashtack not all pirates. So you know of a good pirate? The Pittsburgh pirates.

Are those official pirates? Are those like pirates? I think if they were all on a boat together, it wouldn't be too confusing. Baseball? I don't know either. I just learned that those are separate sports this weekend. Do you have sports in Resident Evil?

No, I mean, again, that world. that was destroyed by Laplaga. They did, obviously. They had sports. But people must, like, bang some stuff around with a stick or something, right? I mean, it's sound will draw the Laplogged. Oh, yeah. I mean, sports are loud.

Yeah, yeah. They're loud. I would imagine then musicians would be really... We were the first to go. Can I just say, I've never... Your voice when you're talking is different than when you're singing. And that's a real trick. Your singing voice would be different.

It would be very careful. It would be very careful. when you're talking. I would not want to... Dan, play something, and we'll have the resident evil merchant will... To be clear, I am not the second singing guest. Yes, we do have to be clear. But something, something public domain, like Camp Town Races or something.

A public domain. Does I just sing anything? Yeah, what do you know? What songs do you know? Dominating Richards. Okay, no, that's just bad. What? No, it's not bad.

It's just that it's not as good as your previous releases. Yeah, some people excel at speaking and some have the ability to flip-flop between. Were you born with this voice or, you know what I mean? Like, when you came out of the womb, were you like, where, where? Wait a minute. Mom, oh, dad, there. Hold on a second. Are you telling me I can change up the voice?

Sure, people go through speech. What would she? Is this your original voice? What did you say? Is this your original voice? I, you know, I heighten it a bit for this show. I don't mumble like I usually do in real life. Although some would say I mumble too much and I get I stumble over words and I get words wrong.

I don't know the meanings of words and I don't know facts. I constantly am corrected about things I say on this fucking show every week. This is why you and I are best friends. Because I have all of those problems. I have a hard time knowing what's real and what's fake. Seems like you actually have a good handle on what is in the game and what is not in the games. Yeah, I know. Look, I'm not insane.

I'm not either. Yeah, exactly. Why do they want us to be insane? Why do they demand those things of us? Yeah, exactly. It's society. This is what we've, when Scott and I've been saying since high school when we met. Because we've been best friends our whole life.

I don't, okay. Now it's not. Look, if you're my best friend, that's one thing, but it can't be retroactive, okay? I had a best friend and his name was Steve. Okay. Well, guys, we do have to get to our next guest. And this is very exciting because it's a two singy-dingy show. And they are a singer.

And unlike Dan, they're not entering the nine-timers club. They are entering the one-timers club. But please welcome to the show for the first time. Lloyd Martin. How are you guys doing? Wow. Scott, look at you. You look so young.

Thank you so much. Do you have two more things? Wow. You look. young, you've got a great plastic surgeon, and I like your podcast. Okay, well, it would surprise you to learn that it's all natural? Wow, I am surprised. Yeah.

Well, welcome to the show. Lloyd. It's so wonderful to meet you. This is the Resident Evil Merchant. Hi, thank you, me, are you a zombie, by the way? No, no, no. Because you talk kind of like you could be a zombie. Okay, I think that's racist. If you're in Resident Evil universe, you talk like this.

You just might be a zombie. Maybe, but it's not me. I'm an entrepreneur, which, by the way, thank you. I have never been called that in my life. You've joined the Comedy Bang Bang Elite Entrepreneurs Club. And make me a little emotional. Wow. Congratulations on that.

Lord, it is so nice to meet you. You're a singer. Tell us about your career. I confess I don't really know anything about you. That's okay. I'm big in Las Vegas. I've been singing at the Bellagio since probably before you were even born. I think the Bellagio is a relatively new hook.

Tell. I've been there since, even, listen to this, I've been there since before the Irish could vote. And if it were up to me, they still wouldn't. Okay. Oh. Thank you, Johnny. Right your own drummer's sound effect. Did you do that with your mouth?

I did not. I have a lovely assistant who gave me this little recording device. Oh, okay. That's very nice. Yeah. I want that. Don't know about the sentiments in the actual statement that you made, but. What? What did I say?

I don't think it bears repeating, but you picked up your sound effects thing again. It turns out you can listen to it again. That's how this works. No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to rewind in the middle of the show. We can rewind it if we want it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've been at the Belagio, which, by all accounts, was constructed in... That was 1998.

1995 and 1998. Yeah, it opened in 1998. So, and you've been there for now almost 30 years. I've been there for almost 30 years. But before that, I was there before that too, when it was just the fountains. Just me and the fountains. A lot of people who don't know, they put up the fountains back in the 60s and the 50s, and they constructed a hotel around them.

That's when I was there. That's right. And they got me on one of those Supreme Court contracts. I'm supposed to die in office, but I don't die. I kill. Okay. Very good. Well, how does one get a Supreme Court contract?

And is that your, your Las Vegas contract? Is it the same as the Supreme Court contract? It is. It's exactly the same. That's what the Belasio guys gave me. You have a, it's a lifetime tenure. It's a lifetime tenure that I'm willing to serve. Do you, do you find that they're trying to kill you at all so that they can put an end to this contract?

Oh, I hope not. I'm definitely, like, if they put out a hit on you or anything? If they've put out a hit on me, the guy's not fast enough. But no one puts a hit out on you. You create the hits, right? Do you mind playing that thing? Yeah, pick it up first. And there you go.

Yep, thank you. I create the hitch. That's right. You can't, now that's my own job. What bird is that? I'll give you 4% of it. You know what? I'll take it.

Don't tell Dan. Dan, I love that song you played earlier. I mostly just sing covers. Yeah, what? Tell us about your career, because, I mean, other than the very shaky facts about the Bellagio and the fountains and all that. What is your type of music? I guess your young people would call me a crooner of some kind.

Wow, that was amazing. A Resident Evil Merchants has a water bottle that is blinking. It reminds me to drink water with a voice like this. You got to get hydrated. Go ahead and take whatever sip you need to. Thank you very much. I'll turn it off by drinking. Okay, great.

So what you're a crooner is this mean the American standards. Of course. It means all the classic hits. Do anyone in Canada ever write any of those standards that we? Most of them, yeah. Really? Yeah, I mean, we got Johnny Mitchell. We got...

I'm talking earlier than that. She's a baby. She's the earliest Canadian musician of notes. She put us on the map. Wow, but you've heard of Frank Sinatra, right? I have, yes, Frank Sinatra. And Frank Sinatra, Jr.? Yes, I usually.

to babysit his kids. Okay. I'm not sure I get that one. I also don't understand. And the gap in between the supposed punchline and the... What is the sound signifying? Yeah, maybe we're confused because normally that signifies,

hey, I just told a joke. What do you mean for it to sound? Is it your alert to drink water? I use it more as just like a punctuation. Like, I'm finished talking and now anyone can start. So it's like... So it's like a period or an exclamation point.

Exactly. Okay. I like it. So any other time that it hasn't gone off, you've been in the middle of a sentence. And we've interrupted you. I keep getting cut off. But I get it. It's Hollywood.

You're all trying to get your yajasin. Keep trying to be polite. Trying to be polite. We got to wait. If you could do it a little quicker, I wouldn't mind that either. So you sing mainly. covers of old American standards. I do. I have a couple

covers if we want to, if we want to play one. I'd love to hear something. Yeah, we heard something from Dan. It's like a one, it's like a Scorsese, one for them, one for us. I would love that. Why don't we play that Penny's song? I like this Penny's one. Oh yeah, a pony song. Pony's. A pony lost is a pony gained. All right, here we go.

Oh, I believe we have it right here, Dan. Here we go. And then Shoe-Doopie. Don't you know each collabie. Shoe doby. It's as love as I can pause.

That penny shop up upside down. Wow. Even includes their own. Scott, Scott, something's wrong in my head, folks. No, I actually think that you realize you weren't actually singing. You were just kind of whispering very, very faintly. I was singing my heart out, Scott. What are you talking about?

I'm not saying it was displeasing to the ear But Dan, as a singer, one normally, if not belts it out I mean, you're not what I would call a belter necessarily, But you at least are audible. I feel like I know where Billy Elish got the whisper thing from Is from Lloyd over here. I love Billy Eilash. She's a beautiful young lady.

Pick up your thing, please. And play the thing. Okay. So you love her because she's beautiful. Have you heard her music? I have not, but she's a beautiful young lady. How old of a gentleman are you, if you don't mind me asking? Well, wouldn't you like to know, Scott? I would, yeah. Do you want to answer me?

I'm 87 years old. 87. You look great. Thank you. You know, I've gotten, most men my age have gotten their hips replaced. But me, I've gotten all my bones done by a Disneyland Imagineer. I took a DNA test I'm just going somewhere To come back 100% that bitch I took a DNA test

I'm 70% Danish 30% country bear Jamboree I say your bones I'm your bones You can explain this again

Are you like an endoskeleton I'm 30% The joke is That I This is This one was a joke. Okay, so you are telling jokes. I am telling jokes as well.

Please don't pick up your drum. Okay. Just leave it back down there. Do you have another song that you wanted to sing? I do have another one. But only if you guys want to hear it. I really do. Yeah, let's hear it.

The other track here? The other track, sure. And it has a long silent intro. We can just kind of vamp over this for a second. Yeah, wow, what an interesting track. It's been playing now for 10. seconds has not started yet. It's going to start any seconds. Who buys a track like this and then receives it?

Here we go. There we go. Oh, the shark bite has such teeth there. And it keeps them pearly whites. The shark ups them out of sight. Dance break. You're barely moving. Your country bear jamboree bones. appeared to not be incredibly moved. What is it? What do you call this? This move right here.

This is like a... This is the Elvis playing guitar move. He, at least his legs were moving. You're stationed. Oh, are we back? And that's it, Scott's. Why have a dance break and then...

If you want to see more, you gotta come down to Las Vegas to the Bellagio Fountains and see me spring out of them. You're not even in the hotel theater? I'm still in the... Fountain Scott. Okay.

I don't know about this. I, what do we think? I mean, Resident Evil Mergers. Yeah. You probably haven't heard much music. Well, no, the only time I've heard that song, song was by the moon. That was a, actually, that was a McDonald's commercial.

Are you sure? A guy named Mac tonight. I remember the moon's ticking. Well, guys, we're coming up on a break, I hate to say. But, Dan, do you think that you could, I mean, I hate to have you follow such an esteemed act, but do you think that you could? play us into commercial here?

Yeah, the nerves are outrageous right now. Yeah, I can only imagine. What do you got here? What do you got queued up for us? In comedy bang bang form for me, I have enjoyed to debut unreleased, unrecorded music. And a lot of people don't do this because a lot of people say like, oh, you release it on a podcast,

then people will listen to that and never buy my album. But Mike Castle has 5% of something that would disagree with that. That's right. So this is a song called Goodbye America. Goodbye America. Sorry that we love to hate on you. Promise that we hate to love you too. It's complicated.

Goodbye America. It's your party and you'll cry if you want to. You big baby trying to get back in the womb. I hope you make it. Rest up, take care Get better soon, get better soon, Get better soon, goodbye America And now who am I to judge?

You sold a dream and the world bought it up, You made a killing. Goodbye America Now everything's a goddamn Super Bowl Trying to fill an angry dad-shaped hole. Go hug your children. Rest up, take care. Get better soon.

Get better soon. Get better soon. Somehow, somewhere. Get better soon. So goodbye, America. Are you going to drag your friends down too? caught you reaching for the lowest hanging fruit You kicked your own ladder

Don't let the fever take your fight I believe that you can make it through the night I still think it matter Ah, very nice, Dan Mangan We're going to come right back We're going to go to a break right now We're going to come right back with more from Dan More from the Resident Evil Merchant

More from Lloyd Martin We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang. We are back. Dan Mangon is here. The album is Natural Light. You have some tour dates in April.

You were saying is that, where is that geographically? East Coast, U.S. There's going to be some Georgia and some New York and some Pennsylvania and stuff like that. And people can find, why do we need to direct people? Everyone knows how to find tickets to things, right? Yeah. But you have your own website, don't you? You go to the resident evil merchant and...

The merch table. The merchant table. This is a good idea. Do you want to maybe travel along with Dan and sell things at the merch table? I am on the no-fly list, but if you wait long enough for me to drive, I'll be there. Why are you on the no-fly list? Turns out you cannot get out on an airplane soaking wet. Is that true?

That's one of those rules that they don't tell you, but then one day you arrive soaking wet. Yeah, yeah. So I tried to get around the water bottle rule. By putting it all on your body and then I wringing it out. The empty bottle. Oh, these. But if you cannot identify the liquid, then you are not allowed on the plate. But I actually think that this is a good thing.

If you were to travel along with Dan, you could like start fielding the consumers who are trying to chat him up about having heard him on comedy bang bang and all that. You could be like, let's roll play this a little bit. All right. All right. So I'm at the merch table. Okay, and I'll be a... I'll be a fan. Okay.

Right. Oh, that's right. Is your name actually Merchant? We've never... My last name is Merchant. Oh, like Stephen Merchant. Yeah. Who's that?

I don't know. Have you ever hung up with Richard? Wait a minute. Is that my dad? Maybe. I've never met my dad. Oh, I'm so sorry. Maybe it's Steven Merchant. It might be Stephen Merchant.

I'm gonna look him up. Yeah. All right. So I'll be a fan of Dan's. And Dan, you can be yourself and you're hanging out, I guess. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Roald Lane. Okay, here we go. Oh, Lloyd, I'm sorry, who do you want to be? Maybe I'm giving Dan some advice in the background of how to be a singer. Okay, this is good. Okay. All right. Do you guys want to start the scene?

Sure. You just got to keep going, kid. You're going to make it one day. Yes. This is a lot like the, not to step out of the scene. No, no, no. This is a lot like what Bad Bonnie was telling his younger self. At the Superb Bowl.

At the Super Bowl. When he handed the Grammy to the Grammy. Did he think that kid got to keep it? I hope so. I doubt it. I doubt his daddy would let him. What if the kid just took off? With the Grammy?

Yeah, with the Grammy. I bet he did. This is a good idea for a movie, a heist movie. Kid with a Grammy. Yeah. I thought the rule was whoever gets the award keeps it. Yeah. Whoever touches it last it's there.

Possession is nine tenths of the law? Seven-eleven. Seven-eleven. Seven-eleven. All right. Anyway, go. Continue to see. You're going to make it, kid.

But I struggle internally. There's like a part of me that... Excuse me. I want to buy some merchandise. All right, what are you buying? Is your name merchandise by any chance? My last name is merchant. Oh, never mind.

What do you need? My name is merchandise. I'm looking for my child. Okay, you're looking to buy a child? No, I'm just... We sell children. You sell children? Oh, the Hollywood elite I've heard about with your endocrones.

I've got to be honest. I didn't realize when I signed up for the gig that I'd be selling kids. I'm horrified by it. Three kids, please. Three, oh God, they're right here in a box. Oh, okay, just the way I like it. Right in the red box. I'm uncomfortable, but I guess the price tag here is $79.99 per child.

Per child? Okay. Wow, and they each come with their own Grammys. Wow. Okay, I'll, yeah, here you go. Do you take a Vendbo? A Vennmo? Bedbo.

A Red Bull. Do you take a Red Bull? Do what? I mean, I didn't work. Will you take a Red Bull for all these? For a burden, you need $79 worth of the Red Bull. So here's what I would suggest. Go to several 11. Okay. Exchange a Red Bull back and forth several times until it's worth $74. Okay. Come back. I'll give you the three kids. You'll still be here? You promise. I promise. Okay. I'll be to see you later. Hey, Martin. Bye, Dan. I love you. I heard you on company back there. Dan, Dan, we're going to get the hell out of here. We've got to go right now. It's getting heated in here.

It's got to do not want to sell kids to a person. No, no. note. And scene. Do you think that song would have been more popular if it was, it's getting heated in here? It's getting heated in. That was a good. I mean, I think you have a future. As an entrepreneur? I do, yeah. I like to hear it because, you know, I was fired from that job.

So any chance I have to get my foot back in the door, I'm in. Well, guys, I have to say, we are getting to our final, not our final feature on the show, but we are, this is the time of the show. every episode where we, you know what we're about to do. We play it every week. It's time to play a little something called Would You Rather? Right. It's time to play Would You Rather? Thank you for not interrupting the theme song.

I appreciate how polite you are. We all know how this is played every week. We play it, so why would I even need to reiterate the instructions? But we played every week. But we all know what this is. Wait, I wasn't paying attention to you. Can we hear that song again? Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem.

This part spooky. Hey, shh. All right. play. Would you rather? We all know how this is played. Did we play it every week? Why would I ever need to reiterate it? But here I am to do it. Now, an interesting wrinkle. We used to play this because people would

send me, would you rather, scenarios to my what used to be called Twitter. Now it's X, the everything app, where you can do it all. You can post things. Well, now, down that's I don't know if I would

go that far. But you can definitely post things. But now I'm over at Blue Sky, and I just looked it up and there's only one person has sent one. So we're going to read this one and we all know how this happens. I will read the scenario out loud. I will then open the floor for questions. Please don't ask me any questions before the floor is opened. It's very, very rude to do so. Can you play that sound at the end? This is a question. Could you play it though I know what in the talk?

The Badoom-Chi sound? Look, I'm not in charge of that, but if you can try. I can help you out. Christ, the gap in between. I don't know whether that's the very nature of playing something on your phone or because you're so decrepit and old. I think I shall let it all apart. Okay, it might be.

But please don't ask any questions until I open the floor for questions. Once I do open the floor for questions, you're free to ask. any question about either of the scenarios or both of the scenarios in order to help narrow down your choice. At a certain point, I will close the floor for questions. There will be no warning as to when that's going to happen. It could happen immediately. It could happen days from now. But once I do close the floor for questions, we will then go around the horn, see how you vote, and we'll tally up the points after that, and then we'll see who's the winner. Sounds pretty good, right? All right, here we go. The one person who has dared send us something on Blue Sky, Velodus,

and sent this January 31, 2018. They sent it on, in 2018. Sent it in 2018. I didn't even know Blue Sky was a concern back then. I was shocked. But here it is. Oh, actually, it archived from January 31, 2018, but sent on March 21, 2025. They probably uploaded their old tweets.

Okay. Well, this is the only person who has the foresight to do it. The Lotus asks, would you rather have tentacles for arms, tentacles for arms, or live in a world where you can only have sex if you're impersonating Nicholas Cage? Would you rather have tentacles for arms or live in a world where you can only have sex if you're impersonating Nicholas Cage? Now, we can talk about the quality of this particular, would you rather, scenario, but it is the only one we have. And usually we had a whole backlog. But now this is the only one we have.

So this is the one we're stuck with. So we're going to talk about it and figure out which one that we like better. No-brainer. What were you saying? No-brainer. Just no-brainer. That's not a question, so I don't mind it. Yeah.

It's just a no-brainer. I know exactly where I'm going with this. Wow. Don't vote early or often. Okay. You got to ask questions because you don't know all the little details about everything that's going to happen. Question. Question now.

You didn't open the floor. When do we do it? When I open the floor. Okay. Can I make statement? Can I make statement that? I make statement. No, I'm so sorry.

I've always said. Lloyd, you asked a question before the floor. open. Can I make statement is in fact a lot like money come on paper. It is a question. I'm going to have to dock you points. That is negative 50 points for Lloyd. All right. So currently, Dan, you're at zero. Lloyd, you're at negative 50. Resident evil merchant. You are also at zero. So we're going to tell you. I'm making some assumptions. Okay. What? You and I have tentacles together. Two, nobody else has tentacles. Three, that makes our friendship even stronger. So these are assumptions you've made about the scenarios. I've made assumptions about the choices we have.

Possibly. Could be, could be. We will never know until we open the floor for questions. Lloyd, you were going to say something? No. Dan, you're fine. Look, you're doing, you've already made up your mind, according to you. Even when you hear about these assumptions that Resident Evil Merchant is making,

I like the assumptions. I'm going to make some assumptions about the second one. Okay. You're only having sex with Nick Cage while doing the impression. That's the only sex you can have in your life. And you absolutely have to do it on a full stomach. Okay, these are, I mean, these are fascinating assumptions. Why, why, why, I want to know about the full stomach.

Look, I'm just, I'm weighing the options here. I'm trying to cut. This is what you prefer, or this is what you think? This is how I'm interpreting the information you've given me. These are good. Yeah, these are not bad. Anyone else have any assumptions? This is like a loophole that we've never exploited fully in the Would You Rather games,

for people to come in with assumptions rather than questions? I have an assumption. All right. I have a tentacle already. No. That's a question. You came in so hot with an assumption and then ruined it by turning it into a question. That is minus another 350 points.

No. You're at negative 400 now. Oh, Dan, you're still at zero and Resident Evil Merchant, which is abbreviated as REM. Like the band. Oh, you know about the band. You don't know about the band? Of course I know about the band. That was a question.

No, it sounded more like a statement. don't know about the band. Oh, I guess that... Well, you did raise your voice. There was a little... I mean, I have no control over the volume of my voice. All right, I'm going to dock you one point. It benefits me that that was a question.

You're a negative one. That doesn't really feel fair. In what regard. So the winner of the game has the least amount of points at the end. Is the assumption I'm making? No. That's an assumption I'm not going to answer because the floor isn't open for questions yet, but... It's either that or we combine our points and it's us versus Scott at the end.

No one's ever thought of combining and sharing points before. That's a fascinating thing. We'll see if that works out. That's from Communist Bang Bang. Yeah. When do we get to kiss the lovely contestants on the mouth? That's a question. I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock you another 2,000 points.

I want to kiss the lovely contestants on the mouth. I'm opening the floor for questions. Do men have tentacles? I've closed the floor for questions. I did not get to answer your question and time. I'm so sorry. Wow, that's unfortunate. I would like to see the instruction booklet for the game. We'll get that to you on your way out, definitely.

But all right, let's go around the horn and then we'll tally up the points. Dan, Dan Mangan, of course, new album, Natural Light, on tour on the East Coast and Georgia. Jokes on Would You Rather Game? Is that a question? I don't know what that means. Years ago, my wife and I made a pact that we would only have sex

impersonating Nick Cage character but the stipulations that we have to be Nick Cage characters from different movies. Okay, so if you can call dibs, I guess, on one before you... Even if you had never mentioned

the Tentacles thing, I was already in. You're already in. What can we hear a little bit of some of your... Okay. So it's like, it's like, like, the bees, the bees. Oh, the bees. It's like that.

Is that him in B movie? I don't recall. He's wearing a cage and it's like a. Yeah, his name is Nick Cage. Wickerman. Wickerman. Weatherman. Weatherman.

Weather, the wicker be cold. Superman. Superman. All right. Very interesting vote from an interesting player. Let's now move on to Resident Evil merchants. Well, well, because. of what I found out about the options on the quiz.

Mm-hmm. I'm going with these assumptions you made, they could be very incorrect. No, because you're my friend and I know you would have guided me in a different direction. I would not. You would have said resident and real merchant, that's not true. I would not have because the floor wasn't open yet, so I would not be offering any kind of an opinion. The rules you stipulated had nothing to do with what you could say. It's a good point.

So knowing that. Do you think that because we're so tight? Yep. I would have steered you in the right direction. Which is why I'm going with option one, tentacles for arms. Tentical. Because I know you'll be there with me. Okay.

Very interesting. I also like that he refers to you with both your first and last name. Resident merchant. Resident Evil is your middle name. Incredible. All right. Lloyd Martin, what are you picking here? I think I'm going to go with becoming a young man when I have sex. Wow.

going off menu. I appreciate that. Becoming a young man when you're off sex. All right, let's tally up the points, of course. For those of you who picked tentacles, that is, of course, worth two points. Of course. Resident Evil Merchant, that brings you up to one point.

Congratulations. You're currently in the lead. I'm in the lead with one point. That's right. Dan, you're at zero. You picked Nick Cage. That is, of course, worth zero points. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Resident Evil merchant, R.E.M., you are still in the lead with one point. Lloyd, you went off menu. You picked becoming a young man when you have sex, and we all know that is worth 2,402 points. Wow. You are at two points.

At two points, you are a winner, Lloyd. Wow. I'm a winner. You're a winner. That's right. It's a photo finish. It was so close, guys. Don't take photos of me.

I burst. You burst. Like a zombie who eats too much? Like in a fire or like... I explode into dust like in the golden compass. Wow. Well, of course, that is, of course, how we play. Would you rather...

Okay. Hold on. All right. I got to talk. There's no talking during the Would You Rather thing. I was just going to add some lyrics to that beautiful song. No, I got to dock you two points. You're back to zero.

So, Resident Evil Merchant, you're our winner. Congratulations. I've never won anything in my life. That's right. It's an enormous honor. Yeah, congratulations. And I couldn't have done it without my best friend Scott Huckerman. That's right. And you know what? You were right about the assumptions. I would.

I would have steered you in the direction. Thank you. But you were right about every single part of it. Thank you. I'm never asking a question again in my life. Good for you. Thank you. Well, guys, we are running out of time.

We only have time for one final feature on the. show and that is of course a little something called plugs comedy bang bang spider he is our hero spider he needs to piss so bad like spider study spider we're on the upstein list plug all right that was uh CBB spider plugs by producer pants using I guess Jake Sully and James Cameron's audio from a few weeks back Interesting. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. You can upload your songs there and we'll have everything you need for your closing plug-bag remixes, everything you need over there.

All right, guys, what are we plugging? Dan, plug your dates. Do you have specific dates or what do you got? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're not ready. You're picking up your phone like your Lloyd. Go somewhere else. Go somewhere else.

All right. Resident Evil Merchant. What do you plug it? Well, you can hear me every week here on Comedy Bang Bang now that I've been hired as a second host. But if you don't, you know, if your podcast lists it too thick already, then you can catch me on... What? What? What? Say that, say what you said again.

If your podcast list is too thick already. With two Cs. Thick? Then you can catch me on another podcast called Get Played, where I am again, the additional host of the show. Are you over there with Duke Nukem who's on the show? Oh, I met him. Have you? I've met him, but he's not...

Seems like there's a rash of video game characters coming on this show. What do you think about that? What do I think about it? Yeah. It seems like they all talk about this get played show. They are infringing on my territory. I've been there since day one. Okay, I don't know.

All right, Dan, are you ready with your date? Yeah, ready. Hood River, Oregon. This is all in April. Hood River, Oregon, Assistant Oregon. That's not the East Coast. Bend, Oregon. And then DeCature, Georgia, which I get is Atlanta.

And then rally... You've got to say dates with this. You can't just name towns. No, it's all in April. It's... Okay. People find they know how to do it. Just go to these places. Raleigh, North Carolina, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Cambridge, Massachusetts, Brooklyn, New York, Providence, Rhode Island, Manchester, Center, Vermont.

Ending the tour. Yeah. Wow. I learned that from Lloyd. Lloyd taught me that. Lloyd taught me that. Always end in Vermont. Lloyd, speaking of you, do you have anything to plug?

I do. If you like comedy, maybe check out the UCB Herald Team Cowboy Mama every other Monday at UCB Franklin. or they also have a fun, fake industry showcase called Career Defining Life Altering Industry Showcase, where you get to see top talent every month. Wow. Are these live streams as well so the rest of the country can come to them or no? The Career Defining Life Altering Showcases. Okay.

That's fantastic. All right, what do I want to plug? We have, of course, new comedy bang, bang action figures. The Reggie Watson, Forval action figures are here. Oh, Dan, you should have one. You're in the Nine-Timers Club. You and your guitar? I love that bubblehead.

Yeah, put the, what theater do we play at? Is it the Vogue? The Vogue. Yeah, put the Vogue theater behind you in a little playset. Wouldn't that be good? I'm in. All right. The Forval and Reggie Watts action figures, they are available now.

They are at, they're in stock now at figure collections.com. We also have Italiano Jones, Antre P. Neuer, Randy Snuts, Carissa, Big Sue, Sprag the Whisperer, and Scott Ackerman figures are available. more are coming soon. We're in the middle of phase two right now. And this is very exciting. They're available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com with free shipping with the U.S. address. Or if you're like Dan and you want to be outside of the U.S.,

then you can go to action figure seller, that's seller like a basement.com. And you can get them there. And, all right, that's it. Let's close up the old plug bag. I want to close the back, baby, braids, baby, baby. I want to close the bag, baby, baby. You say baby too. That's great.

Good to know about you. Oh, man, so many people. We got Gino, we got Tracy Reardon, so many people. I want to close the back baby. All right, that was Baby, baby by Back Baby. Thank you so much to Back Baby. that and speaking of thank you. I want to thank our guests here. First of all, Resident Evil Merchant. Yeah. Good luck to you. Our association ends now, however, or in approximately three

minutes after Dan's last song. Association always have to end when a friendship begins. I've always said that. Lloyd Martin, what else needs to be said? Just this. Very good. And Dan Mangon here So wonderful to have you Joining the Nine Timers Club Please come back and join the Ten Timers Club But before you go Do you have another song that you want to play here?

You know what would be great We were talking about the one that you Did you did with Mike Castle? Stole. Do you know how to play that one Or did you forget? Lloyd and I had a quick, you know, Scrum.

Pow-wow. And they taught me. So here we go. This is Dan Mangon. Who's to say What is part of the plan? I don't pretend to understand But when it all hits the fan

I want to throw up I used to figure that love was a joke A myth to keep the folks sedated It was overused and overrated You I was convinced other people were faking it You You're not even trying and somehow

it breaks me in too. In relative terms, I hate everyone else. It's true. I hated love songs until I knew. I was convinced other people were faking it you. You're not even trying, and somehow it breaks me in too. In relative terms, I hate everyone else. Else's...

Hated love songs until I knew... Keep it going, Dan. Keep it going. Lloyd, get in there. Everybody... Dan, softer, Dan. Softer, Dan. You.

Everybody sucks except you. Lloyd Martin loves you. New York. New York. Okay, Resident Evil Merchant, get in there. Sometimes... faced with a choice. We gotta make that choice.

We gotta make it and never look back. And that choice is do we believe in each other? But most of all, I believe in you. The listener. Oh. Wow.

Bravo. Thank you so much. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.