Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - More Cushion for the Pushin’ (Paul F. Tompkins, Will Hines)

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

Paul F. Tompkins joins Scott this week to discuss his upcoming "Varietourpia" comedy tour, the best The Who song, and what time is the middle of the night. Then, inker Guy Foreman stops by for a pleasurable conversation about his work in comic books, and comic book mogul extraordinaire Ben Jammin visits to share about his movie cameos.  Go to paulftompkins.com/live for cities and tickets for "Varietourpia."  Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Don't know. Bang Bang. Thank you to popcorn pigeon for that. Aw. Isn't that cute? Popcorn pigeon. Popcorn pigeon. I wonder if that's a pigeon made of popcorn or a pigeon that eats popcorn exclusively. I think it's like popcorn chicken, but it's pigeon. Oh, interesting. Popcorn chicken. That's... The San Francisco treat. Yep. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. This is, of course, the podcast that is the San Francisco treat. No, is that for real? That is for real. Yeah. Our biggest city is San Francisco.

What does that mean? The biggest city in the world is San Francisco. Okay, that's what I thought you meant. Yeah, and I agree. Yes. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have a great show coming up a little later.

We have someone who works in the illustrated medium, and that will be very exciting. But before we get to them, let us turn to our guest of honor. He's on this show very rarely, only usually around two times a year. Two holidays. Christ, Christ. That's right. The Mass of Christ. And Wet Day, which is coming up in about a month.

Yes. But he's here early. Yeah. He decided to swing by the studio here. Not like Spider-Man, certainly. You weren't literally swinging. Or Tarzan. Tarzan.

Who are the famous swingers? Spider-Man. Tarzan. The... Pitfall Harry. The Ice Storm couples. The Ice Storm couples. John Favreau in that one movie.

Oh, wait. Oh, yes. My mind went to John Favro playing Tarzan. I was like, sure, why not? George of the John. George is the, I can't even say what George was of.

I'm so excited. Brendan Frazier. People were like, what if Tarzan was silly? Yeah. And that's how we got George of the Jungle. That's how we did. Like, you could do that with almost anything,

is turn a cartoon. Cartoon. Now you could turn a cartoon. It's a still in it. We should mention that this is the earliest we've ever recorded. Is that true? No. I do believe that I may have recorded an episode at 9 a.m. once, but this is, I don't believe I've spoken today to anyone other than my daughter.

And I was saying goo-go-go-gag-a-ha. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because she don't talk. In order to communicate. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So the mouth is. You ever talk to a baby like, you ever talk to a baby like, you ever talk to a baby like, hey, what's going on? And then the baby like, oh, go, go, go, go. This is a good, good chunk of material.

Thank you. I'm not a parent, but I do have material about little kids. You should do a 10-minute chunk on, I'm not a parent, but I have material on how to interact with kids. That's all very. It becomes the famous name of the bit. Yes. Speaking of famous names, he has one. Please welcome back, Paul of Tompkins. Hi. How are you?

Now, Scott, you and I are dear friends. Yes. And here we are. We're friends to a lot of deer. Yes, that's what I meant. Now, how many are you up to? One and a half. I've like met the second one, but we're not friends here. Your acquaintances with another dear. I am work friends with two deer and very good friends with one.

Okay. So you're on your way. So we're good friends with the same amount of deer. Yes. But we have some others in play. Yes. Although you said one and a half and I said, I named three deer. You did, but I don't count your work friends as actual friends. You count two work friends as one friend.

I don't. I don't. To say there are even a half, I would say they're point ones. Wow. Now, you were going to say I wouldn't dirty my mouth with saying. Am I reading? I was not going to say that. You were not going to say that.

No, I was not. Would you? I was not going to dirty my mouth with saying that you have several friends. Anyway, but we are dear friends. What were you about to say about that? And so you're kind enough to have me on your show and extra time. It was a real favor. For both of us.

It truly was. Like, you did me a favor by agreeing to do a show. And then I did you explain what we're doing here today. Folks, we're here today because. We are gathered here today. Do you love it? Yes, please. Do it like Prince.

We are here today because I have something to promote. Now, normally the first people that I talk to on the show are people who come here with projects. Yeah, but famous people. Sure. Last week we had. Doing things that people want to see. Yeah, we had Ione Sky, who is a famous movie actress. Who's here promoting a book?

So she kind of counts as all. author. As I've talked about in the past, the hierarchy of good podcast guests. Absolutely. Movie star. Number one with a bullet. We love them. TV star. We'll take them. Sure. We watch. Yeah. We like TV. We like TV. Don't we folks? Um, thirdly, comedian? Comedian. Yeah, I'll take comedian because they're out there touring. And they're doing something entertaining. Yeah. Tony Award winners. We've had them. Oh, sure. We've had them. We've had them. We'll take them. Yeah. Under that, we have all. authors, we're getting dicey here. Yeah. And then. Way down at the bottom. Podcaster. Yeah.

And wait, you fit in, you're a comedian. Yes. So you're, you're up, you're up there. You're not, uh, you're not as bad as author. Right. But you're not as good as a movie star. You should star in movies. I'm not as good at a TV star.

No. Yeah. You should be, you, you should at least be in one movie that just is just you're, you're above the title. Above the title. Yeah. God. Damn.

I think everyone deserves that. Everyone in the world should have one movie that they start. I think that's nice. I think that sure, everyone deserves that. But I feel like you're... Some can be an independent film. Some it can be like a major Hollywood blockbuster, but every single person in the world deserves one movie about them.

You're laying something out that I think is going to be difficult for me to achieve in the amount of time that I've left on earth. I think you can do it. Even by the time I'm dead. I think movies only take three months to film. Can I tell you, for this venture that I'm here to promote, I talk to the Venture Brothers. Which I've done voices for the Venture Brothers. Yes, you have, yes.

Blue Morpho, most famously. Blue Morpho. Yeah. As someone who doesn't know what the Venture Brothers even is, really. I find that fascinating. Now, you think it's sort of like the Girl Scouts and they sell cookies. Yes, of course. Did you bring some cookies today?

I always bring cookies. Of course. Listen to Freedom for some more information about that. Of course. But yes. I trip out on that song. Do you remember Tyco? No, I don't.

They made the Slot Cars. Oh, yeah. Of course. And then, how can I forget Tyco? They would end their commercials with Tycoe, of course. Of course we exist. That's sort of like a tagline you'd have for an actual car company that was like we're releasing our latest model. Of course.

Of course. And are they still around Tyco? I'm going to look this up while you. While you further elaborate on exactly what you're here. Slot cars, the biggest promise to the smallest payoff. Hey, I'm on there Wikipedia page, and I would say the third word tells you exactly what you need to know about Tyco. Tyco Toys was an American toy manufacturer. It was acquired by Mattel in 1997, becoming one of its brands.

They did such a great job with it. It no longer exists. Thanks, Mattel. Nice work, Mattel. In any case, yes. Just so everyone knows, I'm the person who immediately gets on Wikipedia when a celebrity dies to change it. You're the person. Oh, okay, yes.

I once, I don't think I was watching the race, but some famous race car driver died. And I was watching a live television event. And it had happened within 30 seconds. and I went on the Wikipedia page and it had already been changed. Who are, that was you. That was me. Why do you do this? But because it's people, it needs to be updated.

It's honoring the person who's died. That's true. That is a good point. I mean, it needs to be accurate. When you die and God I pray it soon, would you? What? Oh, I met the opposite. So Satan.

What's the opposite of I? Satan, you. What's the opposite of prey? Despair. Satan, you despair. It isn't. It's a lie. Satan, you despair, it's a lie.

A lie is the opposite of soon? Oh. I don't know how truth. Truth got it in there somewhere. Satan, I despair. It isn't far away. That still means exactly what you said. You're just talking to a different person.

Satan, I despair. It is far away. But is is not the opposite of is. Well, that's a good point. Unless you're talking to Bill Clinton, am I right? But if you were to die, you wouldn't want people to go around thinking

that you're still alive, would you? I want some kind of cushion for the pushing. Sure. You know what I mean? Wait. Is that another one of us? It doesn't sound like it.

It kind of sounds like that would be something that he coined. More cushion for the pushing. Why is Bill always talking? about this. As grass or gas. No one rides for free. There's a lot of things that make sense that he would say. But I kind of want some, I want a day cushion where everyone kind of, I think the sadness

that would overtake America if they all found out at the same time, much like how we found out Tom Hanks had COVID. Oh, so you want your death to be a sort of Juneteenth situation. I don't know what you mean by that, but we celebrate. We celebrate when the last person finds out that you have died. Yes, thank you. I need something to soften the blow for everyone who's going to be sad. Hmm.

I want to just try softening the word soften. Because I pronounced the tea. Soften. Which you believe should be silent. Yes. Oh, maybe it should be silent on silent. Oh, I don't mind that. Silent.

Silent. Silence. Silence. I demand you be silent. Silen, Raider. I demand you be silent. Oh, my God. Silence.

Should all teas be silent? Yeah. Yeah. So it would be Battlestar Galatica. Battlestar! Where are you here? By your command.

I am here because I have a tour that's coming up very soon. Whoa. So you're going to another country and you're taking a tour of like... The grand tour of Europe, the continent. No. You are a live

performer. Yes, I'm alive. We went out together to do the Comedy Bang Bang Tour last year. So true, Bestie. And we had a great time. Now, you're back at it this year. Yes. But with a different show, so you're cheating on me. Now, that's not

true. We have an open relationship as far as shows are concerned. And Varietorpea, rather, is your hall pass. That's correct. I do a show called Varietopia here in Los Angeles. I do it every other month at Loddrum, California. And describe this show because I can't even conceive of what would happen. Scott, quite simply, it's a variety show.

What does that mean? That means many things happen in the show. Many, but when you go see any show, many things happen. You don't go see a show and then like, like you go see a play, like Hamilton. Hamilton comes out and does one rap and then just sits there staring at you. Well, no, no, no. But here's the thing that happens. The one thing that happens?

Although it's not a bad idea for a show. The Hamilton comes out, does one wrap and stares at you? And that's the title. Yes. And Manuel, if you're listening, and I'm sure you are, this is an idea for a follow-up. Hamilton does one rap and stairs up. You must have one rap you cut out of the show.

Now, you don't even have to write anything new. Now, hold on. Is it Hamilton post death? Oh, so he's an angel or devil. Or is it a prequel? Do you become a devil if you go to hell? Yeah. Of course.

It seems to then you're like on top of the hierarchy. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. When you go to heaven, you don't become an angel, but you do look like an angel. She looked like an angel. We depict people in heaven. And let's face it, this is in cartoons. Yeah, sure.

With halos and wearing gowns and harps and sometimes wings. But then when people go to hell, they're just like, being tormented and they're just humans. But you probably get horns. I hope so. Because it would hurt for them to grow through your flage. Plus, you could like poke Satan in the butt when he tries to stab you with his pitchfork or something.

I think that's a bad idea. I think if you're in hell and you're trying to fight back, it's not going to end one. You're just going to sit there and take it, you pussy? I think it behooves you to get used to it. Behooves because demons have hooves. That's right. Wonderful. ball, wonderful work. And this is why

you're one of America's great entertainers. Thank you. You're out there on the road coming out soon. So let me describe the show. Okay, please. I do some stand-up. Stand-up. There's more. There are musical guests.

There's no seem, pedro. Now, we have probably talked about this before, but isn't it great that Don Pardo, who always sounded like a ghost, now has become one. Yes, finally he's crossed over into the realm he was always meant to be. I have unfinished business A bit of boiled potato

Get out of this house I guess Scrooge said the thing about the Underdone Potato But he said it to a ghost Yeah so I mean I can only imagine Jacob Marley came back to heaven And this guy thought I was a bit of underdone potato And so it counts

What if Jacob Marley goes back And he goes This guy tried to he tried to fucking roast me by calling me food. I think he was legitimately scared. I think he was scared. Scrooge or? No, that's Jacob Marley saying.

I think I got him, though. I think I got him. Okay. Yeah, I didn't sense you were still in character. That's how good you are. And that's what's going to happen on this big tour. It's a variety show. So there's comedy, there's music.

There's other forms of entertainment. Well, like sports or entertainment sometimes. Yeah. In the past, we've done. the show where we've had a football game. In the middle. Full regulation time, regulation field. And now I'm proud to introduce our next act, a football game.

And you're only performing at arenas, right? Well, we have to. Yeah. If we do a football game. Sure. Otherwise, it's in time. I will say no football game on this tour. Oh.

Yes. But I don't, I don't like to announce who the guests are because I like it to be a surprise. But it's usually the biggest most famous people in the world. Sure. Usually. Not always, though. Try not to do that. To get the expectations way too high.

Yeah. Or say things where I have to say, that cool thing that you just said is actually not what's going to happen. Oh, okay. Yeah. I feel like that's working counter to what I'm trying to do. You see that smartless documentary where they decided to just take normal like dentists as some of the guests? Dentists. And the first time they did that, people were pissed?

Yeah. I heard about that. Yeah. In any case, that's not what's happening here. You have wonderful comedians, wonderful musicians. Yes. And maybe I'll do a character. Maybe there'll be a sketch.

I also sing in the show. We have a fantastic band. What's this song in the show that you're talking about? What do you mean? You also sing in the show? Yeah. In the show, that's where you know. You've got a friend in me.

So this is a song you've written for Yeah, for Varietorpea. Yeah. In the show, you've got to know that everyone slaps their knee Because we've got laughs and music And everything else. Yo, my name is Hamilton and I'm here to sing.

Yo, my name is Hamilton. I'm going to stare at you in an unconventional way. Rap ends. And then just 90 minutes. A piercing stare. Yeah. Intermission? Yeah, I think so, but he's still staring during intermission.

Here's what I'm worried about. Yeah. That we know each other so well that you're not treating me seriously if somebody who's trying to promote him. I would say that I'm treating you as seriously as any guest on this show. I want you to treat me like someone you don't know that well. That I'm nervous they're going to flip out and get upset. Exactly. It's happened.

Exactly. treat me like someone you think doesn't have a sense of humor and you're trying to gently bring me in to the vibe of the show. Let me try to re-kind of reconnect my brain wires into doing that here. Yeah, reconnect your brain wires.

Sure. All right, so. Reconnect your brain wires. See, now here's the problem. Then you go into this kind of thing. Well, because you're making me feel comfortable. Oh, good. Okay. Anyway, that was a parody of Nick Lichet, I wanted to say.

No, it's Neil Diamond. Nick Lichet! Of course, I was. I have a love his brain on the, love his brain on the mind. Love his brain on the mind. What is it? Love is blind. Blind. Wow. It's early. And of course I'm Nick Lachey, he says. He didn't say it this year. This is what I wanted to ask you about. What are you talking about this is what I wanted to ask you about? I was watching Love is blind the other day. Yeah. The new season, I believe, is completely out at this point. So if I'm spoiling this particular aspect of it, I apologize, but it's your own fault for not watching it. But in previous seasons,

He's come out with his wife, Vanessa Lechay. And Vanessa Lechay, the power imbalance. It was like the D.C. universe. But she would come out and introduce herself and say, my name is Vanessa Lechay. And then he would say, and of course, I'm Nick Lechay. Because he was the bigger star. Right. Now they are both huge because of Love is Blind.

She comes out and says, I'm Vanessa Lechay, and he just sits there and goes, and I'm Nick Lechay. because they're equally as famous now. Can I put a more positive spin on? And of course, I'm Nick Leschay. Okay. That he's, I think he's, it's possible. Mm-hmm. That he's putting himself in the co-pilot position and saying like, I mean, if she's Vanessa

Lechay, of course you got Nick Lechay here. Every Vanessa has their Nick. Yeah. I see. It doesn't really work. I think it's possible, but not probable. I'll take it In any case

Tell me about this This incredible show That you have going out there It's Variaturpia It is a touring version of Varietopia That's right Which is a variety show You come out, you do stand up

There are sketches Yeah, I do a monologue There's sketches There's a musical act Who is always somebody Really fun and neat Doing their own set And then

Do you have this same musical act On this entire tour or are you exchanging you do the tour will be the same okay great will it be the same lineup for every stop and let me i just want to tell you the places i'm going oh the places wow that i will go okay so the this is going to be exciting this is i don't know that we've ever done this on comedy bang bang listed cities but here's the thing we have the opportunity to provide some commentary on those cities that's true say say the great things about these places some of these days i've never been to before Wow, we did this on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour last year.

We went to tours or cities, I guess you would call them. Yeah, I would. For the layperson. Yeah. That we had never been to before and it was a thrill. It was a thrill. Yeah. To bring show to a people for the first time.

And there were a lot of people who said, thank you for coming to our particular town. I never thought you would come through here. That's true. And that was wonderful to hear. Penn House Forum style. I never thought. And then they would tell us about their sexual encounters with random strangers.

Yeah. Usually at work with their hot boss. And they all ended with, and this ended with someone calling HR. Yeah. And we all lost our jobs. That's right. We all lost our jobs. And the business went under like Tyco toys.

We're starting. April 23rd, we're going to be in Iowa City, Iowa, never been there before. Incredible. Iowa. Iowa City. I don't, I don't believe I've ever even been to Iowa City, let alone have done a show, let alone opened a tour there. But Iowa, of course, very dear to us because of the music man. That's right, yes. There's nothing halfway about that way of thinking. Of course not.

So Iowa City, you're out there in April. Yeah. Wow. What a time to be in Iowa City. Can you imagine? It's just like in the songs. April showers may be occurring, which of course bring May flowers. That's right. So then I'll tell you when I'm in May in May in the cities in May. St. Paul, Minnesota. Love it. Of course, it's, I mean, your name is right there in the city. I don't like to say this, but obviously that's why I like the city. And of course, that's a wonderful theater. I know where you're playing. Oh, yes, you do, baby.

We played there last year. That's right. And great theater. And what a time. Now, you and I at the Fitzgerald Theater, you and I have both performed there separately and together. Yes, that's right. And they do a thing where the back wall. of the theater of the stage is a brick wall, and you get to sign the bricks. That's right.

Now, you and I separately signed bricks there, and I believe you wrote Macbeth. I think I wrote Sixth, Sympartanus, and I wrote Macbeth. Yes, that's right. So two things you're not supposed to say in the theater. I mean, you can say Sixth Emperor Taranus in the theater, but... You really shouldn't. You really shouldn't. That one guy ruined it for everybody.

Everyone wanted to say it so much. You can, to be fair, you can say death to tyrants. Yeah, I would say it in English. Yeah. Yeah. If you're going to say six separate tyrannists, translate. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Or maybe put it in another language just for fun. That's right. What would it be in Italian? You're learning Italian. Oh. What is death to time? Haven't yet gotten to dev to dev to tyrants.

I'm sure that's coming up soon. It's got to be pretty close to the Latin, I would imagine. All right. So after St. Paul. Madison, Wisconsin. Madison. Wow. Wonderful town.

Wonderful town. We had a great show there last year. Yeah, it's been a while. I really love Madison and I'm excited to be bringing that there. Then Chicago, Illinois, the city of the big shoulders. Chicago, it doesn't sleep either, right? Is that the city? That's New York City.

It does go to sleep. So every other city by the fault goes to sleep? Yeah. New York is a city and then never sleeps. If I were Chicago, I would be like, we don't go to sleep either. And then I would stay up and make sure it happens. Then you have to prove it. Exactly.

That's why more cities don't do that. I don't want to stay up all night. Royal Oak, Michigan. Royal Oak. We've been there. Very close to Detroit. Yes, but it's not Detroit. It is not Detroit.

I think the first time I ever went there, I just assumed we were in Detroit, and I said Detroit, and I got booed. Yeah. People have real Royal Oak pride. They too. And it's a wonderful theater there. Yeah. And they have a king that's a tree. Sure.

That's the Royal Oak. Yep. And they all bow down to it. They do. He can't talk or move. But they take their orders from... They do. Like, what's that?

What's that tree? Okay. We will boil them in oil. That's the one thing. If you go to the show, you may be boiled in oil. Because a tree said so. At Royal Oak. Yes.

That's the only place this morning applies. Have you ever heard of Lakewood, Ohio? No! Well, you just did now. Holy shit. And that's where I'm going. Is that by Cleveland or what? Yes.

Okay. Wow. It is. Fantastic. Bye. Cleveland. But I'm sure it's by whatever lake is over there too.

Woodlake. Yeah, wood lake. Where the lake is made of wood. It's just you're walking on planks. It's a roller rink. Let's be clear. That lake is a roller rink. More, you know, like in the lakes in the states that don't get cold enough to freeze over with ice,

they should just cover it with wood planks. The lakes in states that don't get covered in ice. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun but everyone wants to skate around on a lake simply everyone does so why not yes you think this is where it's like ironic because you think oh ice skates no no roller skates skates yeah you didn't see that coming did you shouldn't they be wood skates like we call ice skates ice skates ice skates because you're skating on ice but we don't call roller skates skates, they should be like cement skates or

wood skates. Well, see, now you see. Ice skates you only use on ice. But roller skates you can use on multiple terrains. You could use ice skates on any frozen substance, I would imagine. Hmm. Interesting. Like. Pudding pops? I mean, hmm, could you skate

on a lake of pudding pops, frozen pudding pops? Or like a creme brulee, maybe. Oh, I know that's fragile. That's too fragile. I would do it, though. If you could bust through it with a spoon,

once you get a person on skates up there, even the biggest Krimp relay in the world, you're going to go right through. All right, where are you going to next? I'm glad you asked, because for the first time, Varietopia, going to another country. What? Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Wow. Now, I love, I love my, Canada. Of course. And I can't wait to be bad. I can't wait to bring the show there for the very first time. I was talking to someone who just did a touring show up there. No, up in Canada in a different city.

And they said that everyone was very mad at them. And all the suggestions that were thrown out were all like, tariffs, DEI. Yeah. Well, guess what? I'm doing a show that does not evolve suggestions. So if you don't bring any. Yes. Please don't yell out tariffs.

In any case, please don't consider me an ambassador from the United States of America. This person was saying was like, I'm just a dummy. Like, why are you shouting? I'm just going there to bring you some entertainment. I can't bring any of this anger back with me and affect any kind of change. Yes, I did not vote for that, man. So please keep that in mind. Sorry to this man.

I'm not sorry to this man. To the small. To the us men. All right. So we're four cities in. I would assume that's where it ends. No. Because guess what?

Wake up, it's time to go to the city that never sleeps. Whoa, New York City. Wow. And I'm going to be at Irving Plaza. This is my first time doing the show in Manhattan. Oh, incredible. And are you doing it in the middle of the night because the city never goes to sleep? Of course. It's going to be a 4 a.m. show.

Well, that's a little too close to morning. I would consider, what do you think, 2 or 3 a.m. The middle of the night. It's hard because when you're talking about it, I'm assuming this is about a two-hour program or so. 90 minutes. 90 minutes or so, you're edging into the morning, which is what I was doing last night.

That's matter of that. What do you think? 1 a.m., middle of the night? I mean, midnight. Is that really the middle of the night? Is that really the middle of the night? Yeah. I think middle, 2 a.m. even is like a lot of people are up at 2 a.m.

3. I think you're right, 3. That feels like the middle of it. It feels like the middle of it. If the phone rang, you would assume the worst. You would absolutely say it's the middle of the night. Yes. Why are you calling me in the middle of the night?

And then they say, well, because someone's in the hospital. Then you say, well, okay, now I'm sorry. I assumed you had no good reason to call me at 3 a.m. And you were being a jerk, but it turns out I'm the jerk because I'm sleepy. Boston, Massachusetts. Wow. You know. This list is getting exciting.

Ph. FAA! Hey, hey. Oh, this is your hometown. That's right. Hometown show. And I'm playing the Theater of the Living Arts, which is very meaningful to me on South Street. Did you go to there a lot? I used to go. First, it was a, it was an art house movie. First, it was an art house movie theater. I was petrified.

Then it became a performance venue, and then I saw a bunch of shows there as an audience member. It was a thrill to play the Trocadero when we played Philly one of the first few times. That's right. because I would hear shows from the Trocadero live things. Absolutely. It's always a thrill when you get to play one of these theaters. Like I played the Wiltern, no, not with comedy, bang, bang, we couldn't fill that. But I did it with Mr. Show, and that was fun.

That's right. Yeah, it's always great. I played the TLA one time before when I was a young stand of comedian. And I opened for Leon Redbone, and I bombed. So we'll see if the. The same thing happens. I'm looking for Rebone return to play with you?

If he shows up and says I'm going on after your show, I'll be so mad. Do you think the Eagles will come to this? The football team? Yeah. Of course they will. Okay. Now, we should make clear if you're one of the Eagles listening,

there's no football game in the middle of this show. No, not this time. Would you make an exception for that? I invited them, and from what I understand, the response from the team was a massive, yes. Washington, D.C. Wow. Durham, North Carolina.

Love it. Atlanta, GA. Great sense. Portland, Oregon. Seattle, Washington. Vancouver, Canada. Love it. I mean, I'm going a lot of places.

This is almost too many places to even fathom. And guess what, Scott? What's that? More are going to be announced. More are going to be announced. This is incredible tour, certainly a jaunt that you're going to be embarking upon. And your only goal,

and mission from what you've been telling me is to entertain not only America, but everyone abroad. Yes, my goal and mission are the same thing. And it is what you said to entertain everyone in America, regardless of whether I'm coming to your city and the entire world. Now, do you think you'll hit this goal? Via two cities in Canada. Do you think you'll achieve this?

Well, the whole world is my stretch goal. So first, if I do entertain everyone in America, then I'm going to head for entertaining the entire world by going to two cities and Canada. I believe two things. One, you're going to be starring in a movie above the title before you die. And two, you're going to get there. You're going to hit every single person in the world. Every single person. I believe in you.

I have faith in you. Even Vladimir Putin. I think you'll get to him eventually. Do you think he'll like it? I think he would like. I think he, honestly, he probably has so many people coming in and kissing his ass all day. Which world leader do you think would like my show the most? The most.

Yes. I think Macron. Maron would certainly find it amusing. Theresa May. Is that someone? I don't know. Wow. Who is that one guy with the messy hair, Boris, whatever?

Boris Johnson. Johnson. Now it's Keir Starmer. Keir's a name. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great name. It is a good name. It hasn't penetrated over to me yet. You know what I mean? He needs better branding. It's got to penetrate over. You know what I mean? Like Boris Johnson, it was a combo of his name being Boris. His hair being messy. Yeah. And him having like a little short ties. Did he have a little short ties? I think so. Everything kind of made. You feel like the opposite Trump? He looks sort of like a little like Chris Farley character. All of that. Absolutely. The combination. of it all finally like penetrated my consciousness where I was like I know who that is.

Do you think Boris, he was named after Boris the spider? I hope so. From the food. One of the best who songs, wouldn't you agree? It's my favorite. Boris the spider. I love it. Isn't it funny?

Bands of a certain era where they were like, let's just put this on a record. I know what we do is really popular, but let's do something we don't do. Also, I would, I really had hoped at some point. the CSI franchise would expand so much that they would have to eventually use Boris the Spider as one of their theme songs. You're saying another franchise, another installment of the franchise would have claimed Ivor the engine driver. Yes, and Mama's got a squeeze box. And then finally it gets to, well, all we have is Boris the Spider left.

So this is we've used fiddling about. This is an incredible tour. Thank you. My only question now is I'm lost as to how to find any information or buy tickets. Oh, my God. Scott, it couldn't be simpler. Okay. You go to Paul F. Tompkins.com slash live. Whoa.

I bet you could even go to Paul Ftomkins.com and there would be a sidebar that said live and you could click on that. Yeah, but that's for lawyers. The sidebar technique? Sidebar. Sidebar. I only advise lawyers to go to the main page of the site. There's one little thing on the side that says, may I approach to the bench? Yes.

There's another that says sidebar. Yeah. In any case, Paul F. Tompkins.com slash live, you get all of the information regarding times that it starts to start at the same time every night or different times. I bet different times. Yeah. But all around the same time. Around eightish, I would imagine. And this is a good time at the theater.

This is something that you can bring your loved ones to. I can only imagine you could bring your family to. If they're not your loved ones. Sure. I can only imagine you can bring your extended family to. Yeah. If you have step siblings. Go through your family.

Go through your family tree. If you have play cousins. Whoever's still alive, hit them up. Absolutely. To meet you at the theater for Varietopia. Guess what? You can bring not only your loved ones, bring your most hated enemies. Sure.

And maybe you'll find some common ground. That's right. But in any case, it's good to have them in. your sight lines at all times. Yes. Because you don't want to be murdered by them. So it's always good to like that. Yeah.

And I don't want to catch any strays. How many murders will be at this show, do you think? Like in the audience during a show? I hate to make promises. I'm going to say I suspect there will be zero murders. Okay. I would think that would be a nice round number that you would want to hit. But again, if there is a murder in the show, I'm not saying this is going to be a murder-free show.

That's not a guarantee. I can't promise that. No. But I ask, I'm going to ask people, please don't murder people at my show. Okay, make sure there's a sign going into the theater. Yeah. Like those signs, some theaters have to say, well, don't bring your gun in here. Don't bring your gun to town, boy. But look, I want to tell people, this show is my favorite thing to do. It's really such a complete expression of all my favorite things.

Completely curated by you. Yes, it is from my soul. And if you like me, you will like this show. Yes. And I'm excited. I'm going to say, if you're iffy on me, you'll like this show. If people don't like you, I still think they might like the show. I think they'll come around on you. There's parts of it that aren't me. Well, wonderful. Varietopia coming to a city near you, more cities to be announced. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we have someone who is working in the illustrative field.

That's very exciting, isn't it, Paul? All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more Paula Tompkins, more comedy bang-bang. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang-Bang, we are back. Paul of Tompkins is here. Varietopia, a.k.a. Paratopia.

Is out there going to be barnstorming across this country and one other country. Very soon in about a month's time. How are you preparing to be gone for this amount of time. I'm packing clothes. Oh, okay. You didn't last tour.

This is something I learned the hard way. You're going to need clothes. Like, when you're at home, you have all your clothes there. I remember one time you showed up to the airport with loose clothes in your arms that you were just like carrying. No, I did have them in my, in my arms. I had a bunch of clothes in my arms. And then it was my wonderful wife who said, what if you put them in a suitcase? That's what suitcase is what suitcase is.

Some would say are four. A case for suits. Yes, that's right. Look, I'm a suit guy. I need one of those. It's interesting we don't call them clothes cases, but they were for suits back in the day, exclusively. Exclusively. You couldn't put shoes in them.

Nope, nor toiletries. Yeah. Do you put toiletries in your suitcase? Yeah, just loose. I don't like those containers. Yeah. You know why? Because the TSA says you're supposed to have that.

TSA say TSA say Put toiletries in container Yeah In a little clear pouch When we were going all over America It's interesting how every airport

Has a different take On what you can do And what you can't do Oh yeah It's like it's intentionally confusing It's great that it's not standardized And then we would get to England And surprise

Here's a bunch of stuff you can't do That only we say you can't do Yeah yeah yeah What I really like is that metal detectors are calibrated differently everywhere you go. And so sometimes a belt you wear will be fine, nine times out of ten, then the tenth time you have to take it off, sometimes shoes. Oh, I didn't know these shoes had metal in them at all.

The one thing that seemed standardized was the comedy bang bang stickers that I was carrying in one suitcase would get me taken to the side every single time because they couldn't figure out what they were. Yes, when they see a shape that they can't recognize you're like, this is probably a bomb. All right, we need to get to our guest, Paul. He is a comic book anchor. Exciting. You have read a few comic books in your life. In my day, yes, I have. I worked at a comic book store, dear.

I didn't know that. Yeah, it's called Comics and More on South Street. I don't think that's come up on freedom. You know, I was fired for being late twice. It's about the number of times I would fire someone. And the assistant manager said, no, it was the manager who said, look, if I don't fire you, the assistant manager will report that I didn't fire you, and then he'll have my job. Okay.

You got to respect that. You got to respect that. Also, great place to work. Oh, I can only imagine. So you have a little experience in the field. Oh, yeah.

I know who Omaha the cat dancer is. I, of course, I'm currently writing astonishing Spider-Man for Marvel. So I think we're going to be good interviewers. And, of course, I'm writing everyday Spider-Man. That's right, yeah. The everyday, boring adventures.

He's a different guy. It's not Peter Parker. Nope. And nothing really happens to him. No, he wears a sweater that has a spider on it. Like a real spider, not embroidered. Yeah, he doesn't know. That's the most exciting thing about the comic.

All right, let's talk to him and welcome him to the show. Please welcome Guy Foreman. Scott, thank you so much for having me. My pleasure. Guy, can I call you guy? It feels weird to call another man guy. Like, I'm saying like, hey, guy. Right, you're just, you're, but it is my name. That is your name.

Yeah, yeah. I'd be like if my first name was dude or something. Yeah. Do you ever pronounce a Gee? Gosh, no. I should. If I go to France, I should, right? Yeah, why not?

Yeah, maybe I'll start. I mean, they're going to do that. I might as well get ready now in case I ever do go to France. Do you think your work will take you to France or would you go there on vacation? I bet you would be work related. I can't imagine going to France for fun. Why? I went for fun once.

It was fun. Oh, really? Is that worked on? Yeah, it all worked out. Oh, it just seems like it. Fun equals fun. Hey man, explain to me what a comic book inker does. Yeah, a lot of people who don't know what comic books, how they're put together,

they don't know what, what do you even talking about when you talk about inking? Before I answer that, can I just say what a pleasure it is to talk to two people with experience in the field? Oh, well, thank you very much. I'm experiencing pleasure. Honestly, I don't know if you get tough for my voice. I'm filled with joy. Are you, you're a person, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not a robot. No, I'm a full person. Full all the way. I try to have a little bit of experience in every single, with every single guest, in the field of every single guest. You can't do that. For instance, Ione Sky was here last week, and she is both a movie star and an author, and I've done both of those. You've been a movie star. Awesome Powers Gold member, of course.

And so I try to have a little. Turn around. Of course. Does this look familiar? Oh, yes, there he is. Oh, no. Yes, that makes sense. So in any case, I am so relieved that we're talking about comic books because both of both Paul and I have a little experience.

But tell everyone. I can finally relax. Yes. Tell everyone what you mean when you say ink or what. Yeah. And so comic books. Now that we've gotten the thanking us for having. Now that I got that out of the way.

Yeah. Now, now it's, yeah. Now explain yourself. I stopped the momentum so that I can say thank you. I did it. You're doing it again. Okay, sorry. And now we are further stopping it.

And I don't mean to do that. By talking about it. I don't want to stop. Zero. Zero minutes since a momentum stopped incident. That's right. So let's get right to it. I don't mean to delay that anymore.

Of course. You're asking me what an inker does. Let us tarry no further. Absolutely. And let us discuss the very topic at hand. Which is, what does an inker? What does an English? Because I would like to know and I think other people would like to know.

I think that's right. And I would love to say it. In fact, on my way over here, I was thinking I better be ready to explain it. It's going to be pleasurable for everyone involved, both the listener and for us in conversation to hear exactly what you're talking. Can I push back? on that a little bit because I am experiencing pleasure already. I do think it is going to be pleasurable, but that's not to imply I'm not experiencing pleasure right now. Let me just say the pleasure shall continue that. Yes, exactly. That's that I would sign off on Tune Suite. How was that a pushback?

Well, I just didn't want to, it was a pushback. It was more of a clarification. Clarification and a preemptive arguing. Yes. Well, you were preemptively trying to manage expectations. Yes. If somebody thought, if I agreed to the fact that it would be pleasurable, I could imagine some people being like, I guess he was having a crappy time. Yeah. That's not me. That's not my style. That's not your style.

The premise was it will be pleasurable for people who do not yet know. That's true. Well, actually, the pushback, you're right. It's not a pushback. Let me pushback. My premise was that it will be pleasurable for every listener as well as the three of us discussing it. Okay. I think that's right.

Oh, and that's why you say you're already experiencing pleasure. Correct. But I do think it was a, I want to accept your pushback that when I said I was pushing back, it wasn't a pushback, and it was a clarification. Okay. I believe we... Great, we're all set. We're at a quorum.

I can see in your face that you're ready to move on. What is an inker? So an inker. Easy. You're holding a pen right now. Are you doing it right now? I'm ready to ink at any... Oh, wow.

Okay. Yeah, I'm ready to ink. I feel like whenever you have an occupation, you should walk around with your implement... Sure. Like, as if you're an action figure of yourself. So if you're an angioplasty specialist, you should have a stent at the ready. Yeah, that's right.

Sure. If you are an angioplasty. Geoplasty specialist. Not a generalist. Not someone who can do it on the side. Sure. But, okay. Just carrying a stint.

An inker is somebody. So in the comic book biz, you have to, there's a lot of drawings, as you know. Yes. What normally happens is. You know what? I've noticed that. Right. There are a lot of drawings.

Almost too many. It's wild. How many? Because I'll turn the page on like, more drawings? Yeah. You're ready for the story to keep going. Yeah. And it's almost all drawings.

Any minute now it's just. going to be straight pros. I would say almost every page of a comic book has at least one drawing. And I'm going to go as far as to say, like, do we need all of them? You know, like, it's sort of like all of our governmental workers. Let's just fire half of them. I'm glad you said it. You know what I mean? Let's let's take out half of these drawings and we'll still get it. Well, Alan Moore solved that problem by ending his comics with 16 page of unbroken prose, right? People like the real reference. Okay, so, inking. Who didn't love that pirate ship part of watchmen? Everybody. The favorite.

I skip the regular story. Only the Pirates. It's a thrilling pirate. Oh my gosh. In any case. An Inker. So there's all these drawings. The writer writes the comic, then the

the penciler. The penciler interprets these into pictures, these writings into pictures. Bricks it down into a storyboard. If I could put it in movie terms. Sure. And then what the Inker does is takes these sometimes fully fleshed out pencils, sometimes quite rough. quite rough and then solidifies them,

finishes them in the blackest of ink in order to, back in the day it was in order to show up on the printing process. Yes. Wait, so you trace. I trace, yes. It's often a pejorative way to describe my profession is to say it's a tracer. And truly, if the pencil, well, okay,

if the penciler is diligent and they're very finished, I am essentially tracing. Were you to say fentanyl? Yeah, I was going to say if. Now, is that a person. problem in your industry? Yes. It's unfortunately a problem in almost every industry. Now, you know it makes people drop dead. That's why

they like it. It's scary. It's a legit problem and it's bad. Yeah. It's strange that it's such a, it's a drug that's used so much that there's an epidemic, but also if a policeman touches it, he'll die immediately. It is weird. Yeah. That's weird that that happens.

Like enough people use it that it's constantly coming through our porous borders. Porous borders and it's all over the place. And yet, if a police officer, and brushes against it. Yeah. They die. If they enter a room

with a trace of fentanyl and they will die. They'll explode. But children are using it all the time recreationally. And 19 times out of 20 they're having a blast. Actually, I don't know.

Seems like they're in the ball. Nothing negative associated with that except for the deaths. And where was I? Inking. So if the penciler is either hurried or lazy, you'll get unfinished drawings.

And it is your job as the inker to finish it up. And actually fill in blanks to add backgrounds, to connect lines, add details, make a lot of artistic decisions. Why did we mention diligent? If they have completed their pencils thoroughly. Then you're just a tracing. Then I'm just tracing.

But if these people that were hired for this job, for some reason, are lazy or rushing the job? Or overloaded. A lot of times, yes. But you said lazy. Like Herbie? Like Herbie. Herbie was once overloaded.

I think he was fully loaded. First, he was fully loaded. But then they made a sequel. They added one suitcase on top. Herbie was like, I can't do this. I thought you meant Herbie Hancock. And I was like, was he a multitasker? Which is an older reference.

Fwafweep. Fwafweep, Fwif, Fwipe, Foy, Foy, Foy, Foy. Leads nicely into Axel F, by the way. That's right. Yeah. Beam, boom, be deem, boom. Good mashup. And there was an, um, b'em, be deem, beam.

And that wasn't, didn't the art of noise have some kind of instrumental out too? Close to the other, perhaps. Oh, Peter Gunn. Sure. Peter Gun. They were all out within like six months of each other. That's right. An Inker will sometimes have to do a lot of drawing.

If the pencil is in a hurry. A lot of times a pencil. Or lazy, as you said. Or lazy. So if a pencil is lazy and they're trying to scam a lot of work. So not just lazy, but dishonest as well. Dishonest, manipulative. A con artist.

Yes. How did this person get this job? Well, they'll do like, they'll do good for one issue. Oh. And they'll be like, hey, do a second one. And then they just start to fart on it. Of course, they find out that the inker is good. So why are you an anchor and not a penciler?

Yes. That's a great question. And I, I agree. I just, I can't think of any ideas. I need someone to get me started. So you read, how does it happen? You read the script. If I were to get a script and they'd be like, well, you know,

And I've never worked for Marvel or DC. I've only done indie stuff. Now in the script, it'll say something like... Indiana Jones? Yeah, I've worked mostly just for Indiana Jones. You worked for Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones is a comic book. And the movie portrayal of him is that he is an archaeologist and a professor.

But the real Indiana Jones is a comic book writer. Let me guess. When he gets your inks, he looks at them and says, these belong in a museum. Yeah, and I'm like, thank you. Because for him, that's a compliment. That's the highest praise. For anyone else, that'd be like... It's a true slam.

There's no other way to say it. It's super true. So then guy or ghee, if you're in France, why are... Thank you for comment. That's good practice for me. Why are you not a penciler? You can't come up with any ideas. So as a...

The script might say Captain America, I don't even punches Kang. Okay. I'm imagining it right now. Are you? Because I... You can do it. My mind's a blank. I don't know what to do.

When you read Captain America, do you have a picture in your mind of what Captain America looks like? I mean, I know what he looks like, but if I try to summon what he might look like punching. I can't envision it. So you, when you hear Captain America, you picture him just standing there. I picture. Or like Alexander Hamilton just sitting there staring at the audience. After he's on his rap. That's true. I, I picture a stick figure holding a sign that says, I'm Captain America. Oh, wow. Yeah. I don't even, I, that's somehow more elaborate than picturing Captain America just standing. Well, I don't know what to tell you. That's what comes to

mind. So does he have the mask on or this stick figure? He's just got, it's a featureless stick figure. Not even the two dots for eyes? Not even two dots. Wow. Just a circle with a two line neck. Okay. And he's got to sign the two line neck. Two line neck. Yeah.

Like that. I'll draw it for you. Like that. Oh, wow. Two line neck. So not even the whole figure of the stick figure. I'll just do it for you right now. Like this is all I could, I'm just drawing for these folks.

I know that's not great for. I Captain M. That's what I Captain M. That's all I could picture. I Captain M. But if somebody were to give me. And he's holding the sign with two, with both arms. Or that's a two-line arm.

No, no, it's a one-line arm. That's a one-line arm? Yeah, I see two-line. But see, you can do the legs, and then you also drew a penis. Why? And the penis, by the way, is the most realist. The thing is it's really the most, yeah, the most detailed. I mean, you've drawn the veins on it.

You've drawn. It's uncircumcised. I don't know. he manscapes? I think he's got genitals. I mean, I think like the super soldier syrup probably. You think our superheroes out there in the MCU.

And the MC and the M and the and the M and the M-C-B-U. They all have genitals. I would imagine these like experiments with gamma rays didn't just eradicate their genitalia. Even though Dr. Bruce Banner was pelted with gamma rays. I think he kept his genitals, yeah.

You would explain why he was so mad all the time if it. If he lost his genital Do you think they shrink? That's why he gets bad. Like a tumor, like radiation shrinks a tumor. It's a good question. Like, you know. Well, the action figures never have genitals.

No matter if you, no matter if you like pump up your muscles in the gym, your penis still stays the same size. Great point. There's nothing you can do, right? So the Hulk, he gets huge and big, but his penis probably stays the same size. It must be so tiny look. That's a great point. Yeah, because the camera rays are just what would happen if you worked out in a ton. Even though you can make your hands bigger.

Yeah. But you know what I mean? It must be so disappointing for the Hulk to be like huge. And he's got a proportionately small penis. He must be so disappointed for the whole. He must be so just, he must be so melancholy. He must be all the time. I mean, I bet he's angry.

You know what? Guy, we are running out of time on this segment. Well, when we come back, we're going to have more Guy Foreman. This is exciting. We've finally learned what he does. Now we're going to learn why he does it. We'll be right back with more comedy. bang bang after this

comedy bang bang we're back Scott Ackerman here with comedy bang bang unfortunately Paul if Tompkins had to leave He had to leave and I think he did know that was going to happen I think he got upset about the whole abduction slam at the end of our last segment And I apologize Paul if you're listening to this recording

I apologize They really believe I'm gone Did you hear that? No They don't know I'm up in the ceiling. I didn't hear it. I should, a lot of my hearing range has been removed. Intentionally?

Yeah. I had the high, the high frequencies and the low frequencies kind of slid off. Like surgically. Yeah. Why? I had a, I had a yappy dog and a bassy grandfather.

And I didn't want to hear. And I didn't want to hear either of them. I get that. So I just was like, hey, you know what? Not my problem anymore. I get that.

Um, Guy Foreman is here at comic book, Inker. Uh, and, uh, Paul's gone. It's the same because he was great.

Yeah. And I don't know. Oh, he's just temporarily. I don't even suspect that he might still be here. I don't either. Why would we? We saw him leave. Yeah, we saw him.

Yeah. It would be disrespectful to him for us to think he was here after we saw him leave. I take everything he does at face value. Because I don't think there's any kind of manipulation going on or anything like that. You were a man who does not suspect Gile. That's just like when Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn went to their own funeral. You know, I am hearing something. the frequencies must be dipping down out of the treble.

Because I'm hearing a little something. I heard a little something. I heard something about Huckleberry. You know what probably is. It's probably your audio book playing over the recording equipment. That's probably what it is. I had an audiobook going right before the show started. Yeah, so that's probably what it is.

You'll have to edit that out or something. I was reading Tom Sawyer. Uh-huh. And I hadn't gotten to the part where it says he, he, he, he. this is like when Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn go to their own funeral. It's a very meta book. Yeah. Interesting.

Guy Foreman, you're a comic book anchor. You explained what it is. Why do you do it? Well, for the love, and I love the medium of comic books. What do you love about that? I love the stories. I love the power fantasy of it all. Were you a sad little boy?

Yeah. You know what? I wouldn't put it like that. A little nerdy little boy who needed to read power fantasies about big strong men in order to feel like you. And that's who needs the stories most of all. Whoa. Excuse me, sir. We're in the middle of a conversation.

I'm so sorry. I just wanted to see my old friend Guy Foreman. Wait a minute. You know. I do know this man. Remember me? Is that you should say it just so that I just because I feel like I know that you love. to announce yourself. And obviously I know who you are now that you've stepped into the light.

That's right, faithful friend. It's me. Ben Jammon, comic book mogul extraordinaire. Ben Jammin. Sixthipper Tyrannus. Deaths of tyrants. My famous catchphrase. Yes. Oh, Ben, it's, it's, I got to say it's nice to see you. It's nice to see you and thank you for promoting a comical arts. Wow, my pleasure. Did you know that the Ghee over here was going to be here? I did. I keep tabs on all my former employees. I can't believe that. You worked for Ben Jammond.

I've done, as a contractor, I did some work for hire. Oh, like on his house? I did some work for hire on his house. One of your first jobs, if I'm not much mistaken. Put some insulation in the attic. Some? Yeah, not all. My house is.

I peppered some insulation here and there throughout the attic. That's bad for a messier age. Hung some drywall. Some. Just here and there. There's big gaps in the walls where the breeze comes through with the wizard time. Less is more. That's what they say in contracting.

I don't know why they do it, but they do say it a lot. And I've also done some comic book work for Ben. Oh, my gosh. Ben, of course, every listener who's interested in the field knows who you are. Take us through your resume. I was the creator of Basie Grandfather. Basie Grandfather was you. Yes, and I had a real one.

He was based on Count Basie. And he was an old man who played the upright base. But in times of turmoil, he could climb inside it to become an invincible crime fighter. Yeah, I remember the first issue was very complicated. It was a 50-page debut issue to explain all the powers of Basie grandfather. And then once he becomes invincible, there's no drama anymore, right? Yeah, he just wins straight up. You'll be surprised because he does have a weakness.

Oh, so he's not invincible. What? Invincible other than one week? Other than one weakness. And Achilles heel, perhaps? Yes. And what was his weakness? His Achilles tendon.

Oh, okay. It was literally his Achilles tendon. Yes. So you could just slice that and he would go, ouch. That would happen every ten issues. Every ten? Yes. What happens in the other nine?

Smooth sailing. Smooth. He beats up the criminal. Yes, I did some work on Bacy grandfather. Wow. Not on the first issue. I was part of it for some filling issues. And his arch enemy,

exactoblade. Yeah. A lot of great. You've done so much great work. Of course. Who could forget? Ladybug. Yes, I don't.

The Rodney Dangerfield movie? Yes. Why are you bringing it up? Who can forget it? It's a good point. I've made some characters for Ben. Now, Ben, Ben does own the rights to those characters.

Exactly. And everything you ever do. Well, I disagree with that part of what you assert. Inside what we call the Lord Michael's package. I mean, it was some of the first work I ever did was for Ben. And it was a, it was a pretty... What did you do? What other books did you work on? I worked on Captain Gus and a fat-lipped duo. Captain Gus and the fat-lipped duo,

So this is, obviously I know who this is. From prior childhood. Yeah, but describe this for the listeners who aren't as into. Captain Gus was just a naval ranking man who is unimportant. Naval ranking, he was not in the Navy. No, he was a naval ranking man. He ranked. A lot of people don't know.

You can get ranked by the Navy. Yeah. The Navy gave him a ranking. You send away. If I were to join the Navy, what would my ranking be? Here's my stats. What would my ranking be? Captain Gus was an accountable.

who got ranked by the Navy as a captain. Okay. And he had two daughters who, they punched each other in the face and their lips inflated. Simultaneously? It could be, but whenever one of them had a fat lip, they were super strong. Okay. They would turn to each other and say, fat lip duo activate. And they would punch each other in the face simultaneous.

And then for like 10 to 15 minutes while the swelling was up, they'd be incredibly strong. That short of a time. Wow. Yeah, it had to act fast. Okay. So a lot of the comic would be them moving into the position and then, then activating their fat lips and then for the for the brief window of time subduing the bad.

It was a controversial comic because when they punched each other in the face, they would both say simultaneously, fuck! Which Ben refused to have us edit out. We tried to do like the little swirl and number sign representation. Because I do that kids being bullied could relate. Sure, that's what they're saying. The feeling of getting punched in the face. Fuck!

Even if you're a kid, if you get punched in the face, you're going to say fuck. You are. It might be the first time you say it. Yep. First you say it, then you do it. Well, the letters into the letters column. It's an old. That's a reference to something else.

People felt seen when they read this comic. Wow. And so I did create those characters, but of course, I'm not disputing. Ben owns the rights to those characters. Sure, and always will. You don't need to rub my face in it. I know that you've got... Not trying to, just reestablishing you.

So Captain Gus and the fat-lip duo was... was one of the ones I worked on. The sad gentleman. The sad gentleman. Started as a backup feature. The sad gentleman was like a little six-page backup we would use to fill out the issues that weren't done. It was basically an extended hostess Twinkie ad. Now comic book fans know that the hostess Twinkie company used to do one-page ads where Spider-Man would come across a villain and everything would get solved by every.

everyone eating Twinkie. Clover Man will find some fruit pies. Yes. Yeah, the Hulk could get really into some ho-hoes or something like that. That tiny-dict superhero. The incredibly tiny-dicked Hulk. Yeah, so, yeah, the sad gentleman was at first just an original character created for a hostess ad. Can I check out any of the sad gentleman?

Like, oh my gosh, you have some artwork here. That looks exactly like you. Yeah, it was inspired by some of my life. This one is the sad gentleman is in an elevator and he can't remember what floor he's going to. So he's just six panels of him like scratching his chin, starting to push a button, not pushing a button, getting lost in his phone. Which at that time didn't make any sense. He had a rotary phone. He took a rotary phone out of his satchel and just stared at it.

Just stared at it. And that's the end of the sad gentleman. But the abstract nature was compelling to people. Sure. Yeah. This sounds like indie comics. These Indiana Jones comics are you been working on. Children will write in and say,

this is how I feel all the time, sad and confused. Kids in an elevator have no agency. They don't get to pick what floor they're going to. So all they have is their phone to play with. Kids should be able to pick the floors that we go to. Let the child pick the floor. That's my.

Let the child pick the floor. Let the child pick the floor. Let the child pick the floor. This is my platform. I've said it before. I'll say it again. Let children pick these things. Who cares if you end up on the wrong floor?

Yeah. Where were you? Let them push every button like they want to. Yes. What do you care? What do you care? And then wherever you end up, that's probably where you were meant to go. Yeah, kids. That's very wise of you.

That's beautiful. Like, where are you going with a kid anyway? The dentist? They don't want to go there. Let them pick the floor. Go to somewhere else. Pick another floor. You're in some like DMV.

Yeah, exactly. And just go in there for a while. Oh, man. Those dentist offices that are right on top of the DMV. You go to the DMV. You're like, you're here for a license. No, go to the dentist. Yes, and then your child is an early start on driving.

That's true. It all works out. What are some of the other books that you worked on? So what do we say already? Captain Gus and the Fat Lip Duo, the sad gentleman. You want to make sure you don't want to say one you've already said. I said Captain Gus in the Fat Leptu? You did, yes.

Okay. The nameally ranked Captain Gus. Piano hands? Piano hands. This is a man who was a jazz trumpeter weirdly fell into a grand piano during a nuclear attack on Los Angeles. Just on Los Angeles. Yeah. And he emerged with two piano keyboards for hands.

But no hands to play them, I would imagine. Tragic. It's like an O. Henry story. Wow. He's got piano keyboards and no hands to play him. So he needs people to play his hands to enact music. Wow. But can he pick up stuff at all? He can scoop them up.

Like, if there's something that a piano keyboard could manipulate. I would imagine if the top is up on a grand piano, you can scoop things. With a piano, yeah. Yeah. I would imagine that is true. Like if you were, if you were doing construction on your house, which you've done before, some. And on my. And you couldn't get a bulldozer.

If you had a grand piano, you could probably scoop some of the rubble away. If you had a grand piano when you were strong, you could use it for sure, I would think. Yeah. It turned it upside down. You leave the lid open like a big mouth. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Big mouth.

Great show. Piano man. Not piano man. Wait, didn't I hear you on big mouth? You saw me, but it wasn't my voice. Yeah. You got, your voice got cut out of the show. They used someone else, unfortunately, for it.

But it was, it was a drawing of me and the guy who just left, Paul F. Tompkins. Okay. And they used other people's voices for it for some reason. You were probably, you probably were not available or hard to. Oh, I was very available. I let them know I would come in any time. Well, you probably didn't have any personal connection with anybody on the show. No, no.

Okay, so piano hands. Piano hands, yeah. Does he solve crimes? He solves crimes. Absolutely, he solves crimes. Yeah. Well, he teams up with the detective. If he doesn't have the know-how, he's the muscle.

Oh, okay. He comes in just to, like, whack the bad guy with a big keyboard. That's what's what's? He's got some, like, asshole Watson who, like, sits around his- Just documents the cases. And is worse than Sherlock Holmes, like, worse than everything. He's way worse. Like, if he were muscle, if he was like, oh, don't Sherlock, I'll take care of this,

whoop-paw! Thank you, then you'd understand what he's doing there. But so he's just like, oh, I say Sherlock, why would you even think that the I would be a... Shut the fuck up, Watson. He was there in case Sherlock got shot or stabbed. He was an understudy? He was a medical doctor.

Oh, to attend to the wounds. Not always does a stabbing lead to death. See, Ben is the master of the story. Sixth temper, Trennis! Oh, dear. You are holding scissors right now. I'm always holding scissors. Because you're an editor.

Tell them about Bubonic Bill. Bubonic Bill was a worker at the CDC who insisted that he could kill. all diseases. The CBC? CBC. He worked for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. All right. It's not the CDC. No.

That would have been great. That would have been probably because we had the diseases part of it. Because we knew we wanted him to have the powers of the bubonic play. Yes, it was the CBC, not the CDC. We should have had it be the CDC. But I think that adds a more realistic. Well, he was working for the CISC. It's more likely let someone work at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation than they would

at the Center for Disease Control. It's way more relatable. Yeah. So this guy worked for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Or company. Who knows? Could be company, yeah. We never had to say it.

Concomerate? We just said Canadian Broadcasting C, because we didn't know. So you had every character say the Canadian broadcasting C. Hey, I got to get back to my job at the Canadian Broadcasting C. Okay. This is realistic dialogue. So far. Yeah.

It gets unrealistic. So then he's, so there's a talk show where Mike Myers is just interviewing. Wayne Gretzky Oh yes At the Canadian Broadcasting C And the next guest Is a scientist

Who's got a big vial Of the bubonic plague To show To show Yeah Just to be like Which is party trick Yeah

This used to really be a problem He was gonna say Right But this guy Our main hero His name was Irving Fillebuster Irving

Philibuster Was he doctor Like Dr. Irving? Like Dr. J? Like Dr. No, he was not a doctor No, he was a nurse practitioner. Okay.

Who worked at the Canadian broadcasting suit. Huh? Why? If he's a nurse practitioner, why is he have this side gig? He was there in case people got hurt. Oh, like Watson. I guess so, yeah. So Irving Filibuster, a nurse practitioner who worked at the Canadian broadcasting sea, is arrogant.

And he's like, I should be on this show, not this lousy scientist who's got a vial of the bubonic plague. And he tries to elbow his way onto the show, but knocks into the vial of the show. the bubonic plague, giving himself the bubonic plague. Who is Bill? Sorry? The title of this is bubonic bill. And your main character's name is Irving. Yes.

Great. You've got an eye. Have you ever heard of a secret identity? Yes. So he didn't want people to know his real identity because he wanted to continue his career as a nurse practitioner. But he did want people to know he was a carrier of the bubonic plague. Well, yeah, because he wanted to scare villains.

What, you know, what strikes fear in the heart of evil men to bubonic plague? I would assume more than bats. Way more. Yeah. If you, in a hypothetical situation, had to walk into a room with the bubonic plague loose or a room with a couple of bats. I'd go into the bat room. Easy, right? But it begs a question, why not Bat Bill?

Why not Bat Bill? He's trying to obscure his secret identity, too. He should obscure the bubonic part. Well, no, I'm saying, why didn't Batman? Why wasn't his name Bat Bill? Yeah, throw him off the case further. Because his name is Bruce. When he says Batman, you automatically go, oh, he's a man.

Right, that narrows it down. Why not say Bat, Bill? Wouldn't Bill narrow it down even further? But in the wrong way. In the wrong way where you're like, okay, we've got to find some. Somebody named Bill. Someone named Bill who kicks ass in his ridge. Yeah.

And then there's no one there. You know what he really should have done was called himself Bat Joker to direct all the attention at Joker. Yes. Make that guy's life problem. Yeah, exactly. Oh, you know who just beat us up? All of us criminals? This bat choker guy.

What if he calls himself Bill, bat Bill Jasper of 1124, Sycamore Avenue, Social Security number 246, 92, 81. He'd have the cops running in circles. Oh, Ben, you should have, I wish you were in charge of DC Comics.

I wish I was in charge of DC Comics. What are you doing now, Ben? Mostly I'm retired and counting money, but I do like, like to make cameos in film. Oh, okay. So like, I saw you recently, I saw you in Plummer Henry, the Plummer Henry franchise that's on Netflix. Yes.

And I saw you in Amelia Perez. Yes. Remember when they were singing penis, vagina, penis, vagina. I was in the background looking back and forth, like I was on a television match. You can also find me in the Brutelist. Really? Yes. What were you doing?

the brutal? Well, when an unpleasant thing happens towards the end of the film, that comes out of nowhere, I am over in the corner of the street going, I do a double take. I think it undermines the moment. And that's not, your performance is great, but I think the director was wrong to cut to you going, weren't you in challengers as well watching the tennis match as if it were a penis and vagina discussion? Also, when they're doing the three-way kiss, I see me slightly, Just out to the side of the frame going, let me get it there. And then in Companion,

with Jack Quaid it. So don't spoil my cameo in Companion. Wait, you haven't seen it. You're in it. I don't know where my cameo comes. Okay. So please don't spoil anything about the movie. Okay.

Thank you. I'm glad you said that because I was going to spoil it. It was a very unique situation where the director said, now, I'm going to push you with the movie. You're not going to know where you are or anything about the story. That's nice to do it. Because you don't want to be. I was blindfolded.

Oh, that's why. They picked you up at your, they abducted you. They abducted me. And they put me and they put me in a, they put a bag over my head. They brought me to set. And they said, okay, we're going to say action and whip the bag off. And then all you have to do is just sit there. But you're also blindfolded as well.

Yes. So we're going to keep the blindfold on. It makes me feel like they blindfolded you so you wouldn't know where you're going. And then they thought you were just an ugo and put the bag over your face. Cool. I don't think that's true, Ben, you're a fine-looking man. Thank you. That can't be true.

For a man of 102, I think I look pretty good. 102? Yeah. You had a lot of energy. It's my birthday today. Hey, happy birthday. Thank you. So you're 101 yesterday.

That's right. No, you're 102. Yes. What's your secret? Tomorrow I'll be 103. Well, that's not true. It'll be another year, right, Ben? When you're that old, I think the birthday should come a little.

more regularly. That's what I'm doing. Who knows if I'll live another year? So tomorrow, I'm going to be a hundred and three. Before the next day and just birthday cake every day. Exactly. I love birthday cake. It's my favorite food. It's a great one. I like when you go to an ice cream store and it's like birthday cake ice cream. Uh, no, I would go to the birthday cake store. Yeah, thank you very much. If I wanted a birthday cake. I want ice cream. I want ice cream. What's going on? What is happening here? We got to get to the bottom of this. That's like a cat being dressed like a dog. Which is another great idea for a superhero, by the way. A dog. A cat. A cat. Dog cat. A cat.

A cat. A cat. A cat. A cat will. A cat will. A cat will. But what's? Two minutes later.

What's the secret identity of still being a cat? But I've had a very busy year being, doing cameoity movies. Really? That's incredible. We love to see you in movies. Your charming presence. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing is Stan Lee, who was a contemporary of yours, right?

Yeah. Did you know, Stan? Who? A Marvel Comics guy. That guy? Yeah, he would show up in all these Marvel movies. He'd be so funny and so good. What?

I would be like, he's got to show up in other movies. Yeah, let's use this guy. He was doing my thing? He was doing your thing. He ripped you off, yes, unfortunately. I've been doing cameos in movies since the 30s. I remember you in Kramer versus Kramer. Yes, when he throws the glass in the restaurant.

And you're the waiter. You go, oh. You're one of the great double-take cameos. You were in arsenic and old lace, as I would call. When the guy who thinks he's telling him about charges up the stairs, I would be at the top of the stairs and guess what I'd be doing? I can't believe you said. Yeah, right?

Most of these cameos are double-takes. Yeah, I remember in Psycho, the big reveal at the end, which I won't spoil. For anyone who hasn't seen Psycho, but a certain character, is not what she seems. Not what she seems. Certain character's mother, I don't want to spoil it. A chair is wheeled around.

Yes. Is not who we think, but is actually a, maybe a son of who we think. No spoilers. No spoilers. No spoilers, but the mother of a certain character.

Norman Bates, Norman, we're talking about Norman Bates. We're talking about Norman Bates. That's not a spoiler, that's the main character. Yeah, when you go see Tycho, Norman Bates is right away. He's there.

Yeah, but no spoilers, but. But Norman Bates' relative. Who you see. Of the maternal variety. Correct. No spoilers. Further specification than that.

But at the end of the movie, we find out that this maternal relative. This maternal relative of Norman Bates. He was dressing up as his dead mother and slamming people. Correct. So, and at that moment, at that reveal, they cut to you, the pan up to you. And you go, and then they do the famous Hitchcock pull-out, zoom forward just on you. It's the only time I did a double take where I had. to pull out of a zoom forward.

It was crazy, and you were in both versions. Except for Jaws, of course. You were in the Vince Vaughn version? Yes. Shot-for-shot remake. Yep. You got to have you. Gus Van Manxan called me up and said,

I know this is unusual, but would you mind repeating your role? Did you want him just use the old footage? I said, yes, please. And he said, no, it's going to be a color. And I said, ah, you got me. A color. A color.

It's going to be a color one. May color. I said, which color? And he said, all of them. I said, wow, big budget. He went all out. I thought you were the best part of the remake. Thank you.

What about where they added the one sheet that wasn't in the original where Dormin-off? Jurt's off. Look, you throw, people. That was necessary. That had to be in there. It's sacrilege to change anything of the master's work except jerking on. For a good jerk off, which we all think that he would have liked.

Psycho. Otherwise, perfect film. If I were to add one thing. A lot of movies are, I mean, Citizen Kane is always missing a real good jerk-off scene. You've got to assume he was going to see his mistress's operas just working it up there in his box. How great would it be if one more filmmaker did a shop-for-shock remake of a classic? Added a jerk-off piece. We're going to Van Zant this movie.

I got to say, three men on a podcast, we finally got to jerk it off. Took us a while. That was restraint. Well, look, guys, we are running out of time, unfortunately. M2. Show by. I'm 103. We've already crossed into tomorrow.

Have we? We are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plugs. I just can't believe my love. I get to hear your love. Rock and roll. Finally.

Starring Michael Gross. Kind of seems like a TV show thing. Shal la la. That was Little Dinky Boy by T.W. Bond. That was great. Yeah, I loved it. Thanks to T.W. Bond. And, guys, what do we plug in here?

I'll start with you, Guy Foreman, Gine Guy. I'll plug a podcast I like called Screw it. We're just going to talk about the Beatles if you want to hear a bunch of... I thought you didn't know who they were. I don't know who they are, but that's why I'm plugging you. These guys do. These guys do. So I'm hoping to listen to it something.

day because I'm curious about that band. But if you ever wanted to hear a couple of middle-aged people to say that this band that you know already is good, that's the podcast for you? Do they have any sort of analysis that elevates it at all? Not really. There's a lot of just whatever's topical in the band, they kind of go over and say, and things are topical in the Beatles these days. There is a lot of Beatles releases.

There are a lot of Beatles releases. Ringo released an album last month. I hear, even though I don't know who he is. And Ben Jammin, do you have any? you want to break? I'm dying. Here I go. No, no, not now, Ben. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Ben. Clear!

Clear! Shikzum! Don't you die, damn! Hey, what's going on, you guys? Hey, Paul, where'd you come from? I fell out of the roof. You were in the roof? Yeah. Oh.

Are you all right? In the ceiling. Oh, okay. Oh, that makes sense. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine. It's not that. Oh, it's quite a fall. a lot. Yeah. Yeah, you did it well. Thank you. Thank God that I had these pillows here underneath. Pillows. Yeah, before we started, when you got all the pillows that to show them off, I was like,

yeah, check out my pillow collection. I actually enjoyed the pillow show. But it was out of no way. I usually, to be honest, I usually do a pillow show before every episode. We just don't record it. What's amazing is to the to the untrained eye, they all look exactly alike. But you were able to walk us through the subtle differences in each pillow. And I know I'm glad that I brought out my haystack in response to that pillow. Your haystack collection, yes, which I thought was gorgeous. You were so nice about it. I mean, no needles involved in these. No.

A haystack is sort of a collection of hay, right? It is. Yeah. In a way, it's stacked up. Sure. Paul, we were doing plugs. Do you have anything you want to plug? Oh, sure.

I'd like to plug Varietopia. We're doing our St. Patrick's Day special in Los Angeles on Sunday, March 16th and live streaming it to the world. That's at Lodrome in Los Angeles and live streamed everywhere else. And then of course, got to say it again, Varietorpia starts in Iowa City, Iowa on April, uh, fucking, I bet it was 16. No. It's a little too early.

It's a little too early. 23rd of my guess. That's my guess. I think you're right about the 23rd, Ghee. Yeah. Wednesday, the 23rd, at the Engler Theater that all kicks off in Iowa City. So a week in a day after you file your taxes. That's exactly correct.

One week and one day. Yep. Wow. I just got a text. It's AT&T. Great news. Your phone is paid off. Oh, fuck.

If you're interested in learning about our upgrade offer, reply yes to receive details. Congrats. Say yes. I got to get some more details on this. I want to plug. Hey, we still have the CBB. action figures. We still have Randy and Carissa action figures. They've been mailing them out. They look gorgeous. I have some right here next to all of my others. They are Randy Snuts and his

on and off again Carissa girlfriend. Get them to complete your set. They are available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com with free shipping with the US address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at actionfigureseller.com. Nice. I think they still have some Sprague and Big Sue. figures as well as some of the tour J.W. Stillwater and Scott Ackermans might still be available, so hit him up. Also, if you're interested in hearing

the complete archive of Comedy Bang Bang as well as every live episode we've ever done, head over to CBB World. We have such great stuff over there. We have ad-free episodes of this show. We have Ad-Free Freedom. We have CBB Presents shows.

Add-3 freedom. You'll sign your out on me. We also have college town, we have neighborhood listen. Scott hasn't seen where we watch movies with Sprague. So many great shows over there. CBBFM? Yeah, we certainly do that. Yeah, that's there. That is a show. That's a fact. Head over to there over at CBBWorld.com.

Head over to there. You can get it via a monthly subscription or a yearly subscription. If you get it for a year, you get two months free. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. All right. Dude. Oh, that's a food. All right. All right.

That was Dude looks like a plug bag by Bernsweet. Thanks to Burnsweet. That was great. Guys, I want to thank you so much. First of all, Paul, thank you so much for dropping by and filling you stand about what's going on. Thank you for letting me promote my little show. Of course. And I hope to go out there and I'm going to follow the tour around and go to every show.

I figured. Yep. I'll be there in the audience if anyone wants to say hi. Great. And Ginegai, Fordman. Foreman, that's correct. Guinea guy. Gine guy.

So great to meet you. Yeah, thanks for it. I just wanted to hang out and I got to do it. continued success to you. Thank you. Yeah. And of course, Benjamin's dead.

Yeah. But rest and peace, Ben. Is that who this is? Yeah. Yeah. We couldn't say. Yeah.

We performed CPR. I breathed heavy near his face. Extensively. Yeah. This is grizzly. I know. Hey, join the club.

My nephew Todd was dead for a while. Lying on the floor. Alan Thick. Alan Thick, yeah, he's been lying here forever. There are a lot of bodies here. There's a,

it's a curse being on this show. Hopefully they won't ever. to ever affect you guys. Okay. We didn't do anything wrong. It wouldn't be fair. That's right. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.