Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Nasty Boys (Asif Ali, Lily Sullivan, Dan Lippert)

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

This week, Scott welcomes long-time listener and first-time guest Asif Ali to chat about his new show “Deli Boys,” and what it’s like to be first on the call sheet. Then, Miss Lacy drops by to administer wellness checks and gives updates on everyone's “outies.” Finally, government employee Russ Saguaro stops by to talk about his work for the water company. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Life and comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang. Life is short, life is cruel, dipped my wang and pudding, but it turned out to be gruel. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Side of McGee, catchphrase superstar Side of McG, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. I believe it's one day after the aides of March and we're dipping into St. Patrick's Day today. I hope you're wearing your green.

I know our guest of honor is. Come on, come on. I don't know why as we are recording this prior to the day, but I think green is one of those colors that should only be one day. I think there should be a color for every day of the year. Oh, I like this. And everyone has to wear it or else they get pinched every day. So you wake up and it's like, and it's on the color wheel and it's like 1093 teal blue.

And everyone has to wear that one or else they get pinched all day. We'll be discussing this a little later. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. We have a great show. Coming up, we have an entertainer. We also have a government employee. So this is a packed show.

Wow. But let me get to our guest, Devon, or the aforementioned green wearing person. He is a stand-up comedian and an actor who has appeared on such shows as wrecked in Wanda Vision. His breakout role has arrived here. In the new comedy Deli Boys, which is out on Hulu now, all episodes, I believe, currently available to watch all 10. All episodes currently, we hope there's more, of course. I'm knocking this wood table. I'd like this show to go on till the end of time.

Hey, thank you. Please welcome Asifali to the show. First time, welcome to the first time. Long time listener. First time guest, yes. Wonderful.

Welcome to the show. Deli Boys is out. I am here to say that I've seen approximately two hours of this, four episodes. Whoa. I'm not yet halfway through the season, but I've seen my share.

You've seen enough? My share will be all 10. I imagine I will completely. But this is as much, between the booking and you arriving, this is as much as I was able to complete. I love that. Enjoying it a lot. Tell us a little bit about what the plot of this show is, who you play. Give me everything.

Go, go, go, go, go. Real fast. Start the clock. Real fast. It's about two trust fun kids, two little dumb-dums. I play me here These kids are dumb Two South Asian boys

Barely Legal I know you're into that You nasty man Two barely legal What are we talking We talk about three days after their 18th birthday Yeah yeah Just the idea of drinking gets them so hard

I know you're into that And on your notes We talked about this before Yeah and you flip through all my notes Scott has underlined Barely Legal South Asian Three four times He has a globe out

And he's circled South Asia Broadly And so we're Another guest is so disgusted by this. They are taking off their headphones and walking out of the room. And calling the police. But yeah, two trust fund kids, two idiots. I play Mir and SagerShake plays Raj.

I'm sort of the type A, went to business. He, by the way, people will know from Ms. Marvel. He's so great as the brother on Ms. Marvel. Yes. And so I played sort of the type A, went to Drexel, went to business school, want to be my day. What is Drexel? Dregsle is a business school. Is that a Harry Potter character?

Can I tell you something? a voice in Hogwarts Legacy, the video game. And are you proud of that now? In hindsight? We'll save that for later. Would you like to publicly denounce J.K. Rowling? For her views about most communities, yes. Okay, okay.

We have that on the record. Yes, we have that on the record. However, they made it very clear that the video game has nothing to do with her. And then they also made it clear that I was going to get paid. It doesn't have a lot to do with her views? Yeah, it's just you playing Twitter and you're just jumping from one of her post to another one of our... Notorious turf, Jacob.

Yes. We do not like that. And so I'm sort of like the type A guy, and then he plays sort of the... He uses his trust fund money to do drugs and be an orgies and be a real nasty guy. And... He's a nasty boy!

He's a nasty boy like you. I know you loved it. And so our dad, played by Igbaltiba, who was the principal in Glee, very talented guy. I don't know why you pointed at me. I've never seen it.

You're a huge Glee fan. I know that about you. You're doing jazz hands. They can't see it. That's true. And so we're in his shadow. He was an immigrant guy, worked at a deli, then eventually... There's a chain of delis.

Yeah. He's incredibly successful. He has commercials everywhere. He's a huge... Like running a corporation now. Then he dies in a tragic accident. We don't want to go into exactly how he dies because... We want you to watch.

We want you to watch, but it's a huge... So if you're into death and you watch things like faces of death... A lot of blood. There's a scene in this that you're going to... to love. Yeah, if you saw war footage in the early 2000s on the internet and you were upvoting it with Scott, you're going to love the show. One scene, at least.

One scene, one big scene. So he dies, and then we find out that all of the money from our family was actually coming from our dad using all of these delis that he owned as a middleman for cocaine distribution. Yeah, so now here's what I like about the show. Yes. I was watching the first episode, and I felt like the. premise had been established. Yes. Because it's two idiots and you have your father and he's complaining about you guys are idiots and you're not ready for responsibility. I'm like, okay, I get

this. This is going to be show or two idiots work at a deli or a chain of delis or whatever. It's fine. Suddenly he's dead and then it turns into something akin to the Sopranos or Pulp Fiction or something where it's suddenly now it's in the drug trade and people are getting murdered. Yes. And it's violent and it was very exciting to me. Just the amount of blood in that first episode. was just insane. And that's when we knew this is going to be some special. Approximately 10 pints, I would

estimate it at. Bloodstimated. And the PSI was powerful that day. Yeah, the effects guys were really having fun blasting our asses with a Tarantino amount of blood. It's strange because all the spatter was on your asses.

It was like, I don't know who murders someone and turns their ass toward the body, but that was you guys. We knew how the internet worked, and I was like, let's give the fan something. And we turned around. and they were like, spray these BBLs, we know what America wants.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that is, and you have an aunt as well. Yes, played by Pornah Jagannuffin. Yeah, she's great. She's getting a lot of buzz for her performance. I'm going to say it here first. She will get nominated for an Emmy. I mean, if she doesn't, we will riot.

Yes. When you say we, who are we talking about? Me, you, all of the listeners of CBB will gather. That's going to be very in a few. About 13 people, very passionate. No, she's great. She kind of takes over in your father's footsteps and along with who is. Brian George plays Emma and Uncle.

Yeah, incredible. Great cast, very funny show and goes into, like I say, I've seen approximately two hours of this, four episodes. And goes, and I'm counting the ads that are on Hulu. Because you have Hulu with ads. I have Hulu with ads. pay more than $9 a month. I don't know how to get rid of these things other than paying money, which I don't want to do. Certified fresh, by the way.

We're certified fresh and Rotten Tomatoes now. Congratulations. What does it take to be certified fresh? Is it just over the 50% mark or what? I'm not here to question it. All I know is that we have an over 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Wow. I think certified fresh is you need to get over a certain amount of positive ratings.

That's what I mean. 50% is what I say? No, I think it's over 50%. 51 what do we maybe 60s 60s 60s maybe 60 70s I don't know

like in in school a 60 gives you a D so I would say 70s then it would have to be 70s then right like a C yeah yeah something's fresh

if it's like half bad right okay this is this is hold on this is a take down piece what did I walk up myself into holy shit I know it's a very funny show

and very exciting and has great guest stars I know there's this gentleman Tim Baltz who plays an FBI agent, and I saw this Australian actress named Lily Sullivan who was in this. A force to be reckoned with, honestly, would not make eye contact with us and was very much doing method. And we kept reminding here this as a comedy show.

I'm glad you said, uh, after doing that. Yeah, yeah. And was very serious. And then got us all iPads after her performance. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, it was very nice. She's a class act, though. Great cast and funny writing.

How did the show end up coming to be? Who actually created the show? Abdullah Said, this incredible guy, he used to work at Vice. He used to do drugs at Vice. So that tells you where his mind was at. If you're the senior, you know, person doing drugs at Vice.

That was his role. That was his role. That was just to do whatever drugs came in that day and right reviews. He used to have a show called Bong Apetit where he would smoke weed and then cook and taste food that has been infused with weed.

Now, what came first? The title? We don't know. That's like asking a podcast, like what came first, the name or the idea kind of thing. But he wrote, he actually, the reason why the show is so interesting

is that he wrote it because he just wanted to get staffed in a room. And so, you know, like they just tell you to write the craziest shit you can come up with so they can just get an idea for what your sense of humor is. But then when he was taking it around,

they were like, oh, Onyx was like, yeah, we'll make this. And he was like, oh, shit, uh, okay. So like, that jump from, I was just planning on getting staffed. And then now you're an EP creator writer. That's almost too much responsibility

for this guy, I would say. But he did it. He did it. Yeah. We also have Jenny Connor from girls. Yes. She was one of the producers. Nora Silver. Michelle Nader was Sean. It was a lot of women. He was the only man that was neat. I also heard a story about how

a lot of the characters were men in the original draft. And then they asked, hey, could you change these women? He went to a panel like a Gina Davis panel, I think. And she was like, go through one of our great stars. Wouldn't you agree? The Fly. God, we love it. Brundlefly.

My favorite bug. Scary stuff. Eating shit. We love that for her. And she's actually going to use this now. Great. This is going right to our Instagram, getting pinned on our Instagram. But she does a lot of work in that space.

I know my wife's film went to her film festival out in, I forget what state it was in, but Tennessee or something like that. But she, but it's very focused on women in the industry. Yeah, so he went to a panel and they were like, go through his script and find any characters that are men that can be switched to a woman. Go ahead and do that. And so he did that with Lucky Auntie and he did that with Agent Mercer. Right. Yeah. And it's a great, I mean, you know, without doing that, Lucky Auntie, which is such a great character.

Yeah. And it gave her so much more to play with. I'm going to say, reverse the gender of every single character in your script and see what happens. No. So we get picked up for season two and then I'm fired? Yeah, exactly. I do it for the next season. I do catering now.

No, you can play Lucky Auntie now. Oh. And she plays you. This is very cool. We love, okay. I'm now, I'm back on board. This is very cool. Here's how to fix Hollywood.

Yes. Because everyone talks about like, oh, there aren't enough women roles. And people have been asking you specifically about this. Yes, exactly. Yes. Just take every single script that goes into production. Uh-huh. Swap the gender of every single role.

There. Whoa. So Reacher is a woman now. Yes. A small woman. Ms. Reacher. Miss Reacher. I don't mind if I do. Yeah. And yeah, she's very tiny. Tiny lady. Big tits.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Keep her from punching people. That's how she gets towns to submit to her will. They're like, hold on. We were doing so crazy. This is how we cure sexism in Hollywood. Oh, my God. So what, Deli Boys, of course, we're talking about on Hulu now, all 10 episodes.

All 10 were released. at the same time? Same time, yeah. That's like bear tactics. And that was, and that was a conversation that was happening on set. And even though I wasn't obviously in a position of power to make that decision, I was yelling it a lot.

Overhearing these conversations and like trying to sidle up to him going like, well, here's my opinion. I know, they would be like, so what do you guys think? And I made it, I would yell it out. I would be like, guys, remember in between, I'd be like, all right now.

It needs, they all need to drop at the same time. At the same time. Well, it's benefiting me because I, of course, had to cram watching these approximately four episodes. You're using a free trial. Yes, you piece of shit. That's the other part of it. God damn it. The free trial, by the way, and give me ads?

Come on, man. Give me a free trial without ads. Hook me. Maybe I'll pay for the no ads. It's a great show. Deli Boys is out there right now and 10 episodes. You have experience. I mean, you were in Wanda Vision, Rick.

You read a lot of stuff. But you started as a stand-up comedian. Yes. Yeah. I started in high school in Arizona and Phoenix. That's right. You're from Arizona. Yeah.

And then I moved to Chicago. Chicago, great comedy scene. I feel like a lot of people who want to get into comedy pick New York or L.A. and don't overlook Chicago. It's an incredible place. Yeah, but everyone in Chicago just goes like, what am I moving to L.A. or New York? Yeah, but that's after they're already powerhouses of comedy. You know what I mean?

It's a great incubator. We love our second city, of course. Yeah. Our I hope. We love them. iOS doesn't even exist anymore. Whoa. News to me.

We love them, though. We love them, a great legacy. And you went to Chicago. Yes. Did you mainly focus on stand-up? I was doing improv and stand-up at the time. But then eventually, when I came to L.A., it was like a thing of like, hey, I can't make any money.

I'm just actively losing money doing improv. Yeah. And so I can make- That's the thing. You have to pay approximately like five. $500 every improv performance you give. Yes. And it's just, it's sunk costs.

And as much as I love doing it and, you know, being around a lot of other people who are way too enthusiastic, I... You love doing it. Let me give you a word. Okay. Bovine. Yes, and milk. Great. Okay.

See? He loves it. Come on. Put me on a Harold team. He loves it. Yeah. Did you, so you were doing stand-up as well at the same time as doing improv? Yes.

Yes. And so it's easier to make money doing stand-up because you go out and do clubs. And frankly, I was better at it. I had to sit down and be like, hey, what am I actually better at? And I was better at stand-up. And the improv community was devastated. Honestly, a lot of people, Lauren called me. Lauren called me and said, are you sure?

You know, we are looking for a South Asian person in 2078 when we get a lot of pressure on social media. And then you will be let go six months later. And so I was like, listen, man, I have a career and I want to pursue this thing. Do you have any specials out there? I did a Netflix special called Verified. It was like four people doing 15 minutes sets. Oh, yeah, one of those 15 minutes one that Max did, right? No, no, no, it was on Netflix.

No, I mean our good friend Max. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Of course, from the Nevada Johnny Carson Festival. Yes, it was of, yeah, that. One of these things where it was just like, okay, we don't trust you for half an hour. Which is crazy because they saw me do an hour and then they were like, here's 15. And I go, what is this? Yeah.

I already showed you a- Is it an intention span thing? What do you think it is? I think it was a trust thing. They need the computer. It's not human beings trusting me. They need a computer to trust me. Or they need you to show them that you have two million alt-right fans.

What do you think about computers? Are they good for society or like on the whole? Like we used to have calculators And we were like I remember that was a big And when I was in school That was a big thing Do we let calculators into the classroom?

Yeah And nowadays It's like hey we have I mean that's mainly what I use this phone for Is just the calculator app Yeah That's calculating that 0% tip You give at restaurants

Yeah yeah yeah Let's see zero divided by zero Oh look at this Same thing every time They hate you at Bucca de Beppo They hate you. But yeah, I think that using the algorithm thing, it is kind of crazy because it used to be vaccinated. It feels like there's no one in charge of like just making decisions with your gut.

Sure. It's just all just, you know, you hear about, oh my God, our good friend Christian Bruin show being canceled by Netflix when it has like 800 million viewers and some computer is like. Don't like it. Don't like it. Don't know why. Great of completion. And they all just go like, oh, thank you computer. Oh, we love you computer.

And everyone loves this show and then suddenly you wake up one day and it's gone. What's going on? I don't know what's going on. But not at Hulu. These people are smart. These people have hearts. They have passion. And, you know, anything else positive I can say for us to get a second season.

Yeah. And when does that, when do they decide this? How long is your contract? I don't know how long our contract is. When do they have to re-up it? I would love to get my lawyer on the phone. You don't know? You know.

I think it's like a three-year. year contract. No, no, no, but when do they have to decide whether they're picking you up? I think they have to tell us by June. Or what? They have to pay you more money. Yeah, or if they hold us, they have to pay us more money. Yeah. How much? We were very, uh, I think it's like, I think it's at least like 50. 50K. I think it's at least 50 to 70K. 50 to 70K. That's about to hold us. Just to hold, yeah. Because like, you're, you're a star on the up. Yeah. I'm on the call. I'm number one on the call sheet. They got to make. You're number one on the call sheet? This is what I need to get you.

Thank you. Thank you. How did you wrangle that? It's my first time in my entire career being number one on the call sheet. What were you on wrecked? Number six. I was number six. Yeah, it was six, yeah.

And then on WandaVis. Let me guess WandaVision. You're probably in the 30s. Yeah, I think it was something. I was probably 20 something. 20 something. Because I was pretty early on. Yeah, but you still, yeah.

I was recurring. So you're in the first couple episodes because you're one of the people in the town. I was in all. I was in five out of the six, I believe. leave. Wow. Yeah. And I've been in,

and when you're a guest star, you know, shrinking, I was down. I don't know, actually, but go ahead. Don't get a lot of work in these neck of the woods. Come on.

Your attitude towards Hollywood, I feel like would just open doors for you left and right. Yeah, shrinking I was pretty low. Didn't even put myself in my own thing. This is how bad I auditioned.

Because that's, you're an artist, you're an artist. New girl, I was pretty low because I was like the last season of the actual show. So I want to say,

but how do you get number one in this Daily Boy show. Like, was there a fight between, or was it just decided one day, you're number one? I think it was just... Did you talk first in the show? Um...

Between the two, between the two of you? No, I think our dad talks first, but... He talks first, but he's not... He has his untimely... Your scene was first, wasn't it? I think so. I think they established your character first.

Maybe, but I don't think that's how it works. I bet it was. I mean, how the fuck would you know, Scott? We have to ask the computer. The computer's the only one that can tell us. But yeah, it's been a... What an honor. Yeah, truly, it's a special thing.

But it's an ensemble, so it, you know, we all share. You guys should switch it next season. Why are you doing this to me? I hate, I hate this to me. I'm just saying like, you're number one this time and it makes you feel like a big shot. And I'll be number 37 for season two. Give it to the. Give it to Sager.

Yeah, okay. Okay, fine. Okay, fine. Why not? He's two probably. Yeah, he's two. Yeah, give it to him. Just switch for season two.

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, that's kind of nice. That'd be nice. And you should make a big ceremony out of it where you like, you know, make up a giant call sheet, like it's a giant check or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, where I'm a publisher's clearinghouse

where I get handed over to him. And you cut a ribbon and everything. That would be fun to do on the first day. And then he immediately does a switch where then now he establishes rules that we were trying to avoid where he's like, don't look at me, don't talk to me. I will have a video village made out of trailers with like six different trailers.

A video village made out of trailers. Yeah. I'm trying to imagine this. Yeah, where you just open the window and you can see them. monitors through there. Well, this is a great show, Deli Boys, number one on the call sheet here. This is an honor for me.

And the show takes place, I, listen, I'm just here. It takes place, by the way, it takes place on Earth. In Philly, in Philadelphia, but we shot it in Chicago. That's right. So if you are, if you ever see like the L train passing by. You're going to be like, holy shit. This is crazy. But we did.

Or the lake. Or like you guys walk by Second City. Yeah. And I, there's a whole episode where I, where my character drops the character and does two very bad improv scenes at Second City pitches the show to the audience Jason Sudeikis doesn't drop in Yeah he looks at me and he's like I don't know you

And then we leave and then we get on the train And argue for about three stops So is a good show It's a fun show we shot next to the bear actually Did you read like What do you mean next to the bear? Our stages were right next It was us the bear

So if they turned the camera even slightly to the right You'd see Jeremy Allen White I owe Debris Maddie Matheison Was that hard to be like trying to act And then the bear is acting right next to you It was kind of crazy because it's like You could feel the weight of like Man there's Emmys right next door to us

Do you think he's playing Springsteen right? Yeah That's going to seep into his bear performance Or he's like hey little mama I'm the bear I actually love that I think him saying hey little mama Over the plate over a plate of food

And while he's in his own apartment Does he talk to his food I've never seen the show Does he talk to his food? He's gonna this season Of a fucking weird show. We would do this funny bit where when we were shooting out on location. I talked to his food the entire time.

Why the fuck does anyone watch this thing? I love it. When we would shoot on location... You have to say that you work for that. No, I love it. I love season. This is a show about a guy speaking to his plate? But what's every show?

You could dilute any show into that. All right, all right. You know, this show's about... From what you're saying, I've never seen it. So from what you're saying, this is a show about a guy who talks to his food like he's Bruce Springsteen? Yeah, but he uses like a fuck voice. You know what I mean? All right.

Yeah, it's different. It's different. We would do this bit in Chicago whenever we were outside. We would tell people when they would walk by and be like, what are you guys shooting? And we'd be like, oh, we're shooting the bear. And people would be like, oh, my God. What's this season about? And it would be like, this season, Carmi really gets into South Asian food.

He's starting a South Asian restaurant. He's getting into biryani and non and lentils and curries. And they would legitimately be like, oh, shit. Really? That makes sense because the show. kind of like breaks boundaries and stuff, that makes perfect sense. And I'm like, yeah, there's an episode where the spice really gets to him and he has to, like, sit down in the freezer, but like for different reasons.

And so there's like about a hundred and maybe 20 people. Does that work? Maybe. There's like 120. I can handle spice, so it's not up to me. But there's about 100 people in Chicago who believe that season, the new season of the bear is about him starting a South Asian restaurant. And they think it's groundbreaking. Yeah. They're like, oh my God, it's going to be crazy. He's probably going to call like, He's probably going to call it like hurry in a curry or something like that. And they're going to be like, cousin, that's a fucked up name. They're going to have a whole app.

Someone's going to drive their car through the front of it. It's going to be awesome. You guys should cross over with the bear. You know how like CSI and two and a half men had a crossover episode? Like the bear should drop by like one of your delis and someone shoots him in the face. Well, Abid Elementary and It's Always Sunny did a Philly crossover. Yeah, that's fun. And so you guys are in Philly too, supposedly.

Yeah, so we could pop in there too. Yeah, that would be fun. Just sell the kids Coke? Yeah. When you say the kids, you mean the sunny characters, obviously. You are not intinating that children are doing cocaine. That's not the kind of joke we do on the show. No, no, not on this show.

I just want to say, I said, it's not the kind of joke we do on the show. And you know what? I respect you for that. And I respect that you're setting boundaries and letting me know, putting me in my place. Even though I'm number one on the call sheet, you're putting me in my place. I'm number one on the call sheet in this room. Oh, that's true. That's true. God, and you had a call sheet printed out when I came in here that I had to sign, which was odd, but I respected it. Well, it's a great show. Delhi Boys is out there right now. Also, I'm realizing that Delhi is a play on, of course, the Indian City.

The Indian City, but it's spelled D-E-L-I. So if you're trying to look up, I'm going to, I can't find Delly boys. Take the H-out. And it's a great show. Out on Hulu now, I'm going to watch the other six episodes the minute you leave. Wow. And I hope everyone watches all 10. Those computers, they like their completion rate.

Come on. Help me in the Algo, please. And we need them to make the decision on this second season here. So you can get another 50 to 70K. If we get a second season, you'll be the first to know. Really? Is that true? It'll be a CBB exclusive. A CBB exclusive.

Here's what I wanted to do. If you find out it to know, it's canceled, or if you find out it to go, just call me up the minute that you get the info and say, schedule the episode today. And I'll corral whoever I can. We'll do an episode, you'll make the announcement before you tell any of your loved ones, anything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

I'll do that. That's a verbal commitment. That's a verbal commitment. I'll do it. Deli Boys, out right now on Hulu. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have an entertainer. We're going to have a government employee.

This is a great show. Awesome. Can you stick around? Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss it for the world. Fantastic. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang!

We are back, Asifali, from Deli Boys out on Hulu right now. All 10 episodes. Why didn't you make 11? You know what? We had a real conversation about that. I was actually tied up. I had a stand-up gig for free that I was doing. Yeah.

And I was like, was it a benefit or? It was a benefit for me. All the money was going to me and my bank account. And so I was like, Daddy needs some new sneakers. So, and you can do that now.

You can start a foundation for anything. And so the foundation of the betterment of my personal style. So instead of doing 11, it just ends at 10 without ever resolving anything. Uh-huh. And then there's a, there's an Apple notes, a photo of an Apple notes that says,

it's an apology. It's an apology. Oh, that's good. For something, something very nasty that someone did on set, but you'll never know. With like little words underlined that they think you misspelled. Yeah, with the red lines. I love that when someone releases an Apple Notes apology and there's words underline. It's like, at least take care of that before releasing this publicly.

We have to get to our next guest. Yes. This is exciting. We have three people who have never been on the show before, joining our first-timers club. Please welcome. She's an entertainer. please welcome Miss Macy. Hi, Scott.

Sorry, I just have to, I have to read this. I have to start by reading this. Oh, oh. You're taking, okay, your phone out. Scott, Ackerman, as you know, I work for the Hollywood cabal and have been sent to do a routine wellness check. I don't know. What do you mean, as I know, you work for the Hollywood cabal?

Due to the chaotic and active volatile nature of the entertainment industry, most actors choose to live a severed life. A what life? A severed life With their iny here in Hollywood And their Audi elsewhere Oh shit Today during our session

I hope to provide you with some helpful information About your Audi Okay Scott I don't know I mean I'm terrified Do you know what this means I don't know what this is And honestly I've sent in a lot of self-tapes

To get into this Hollywood cabal And I've heard nothing back Is this like a Luminati shit What are you what are we talking about here Scott Is this like Jayze and Puff Diddy all the freakoffs? Am I invited to these now?

Don't act like you've never been invited to a freakoff. Scott, we are all invited to the Hollywood freakoffs. I'm invited to? Yes, we are all invited when you join the Hollywood Cabal. As our record show, Scott, you have been severed since 2001

when you played Phil Hegel in the Huntress. Yeah, he was a magician. I had to learn a card trick for that. Some of your finest work. A TV series about the adventures of a mother and daughter bounty hunters. Yes. There's nothing like going on a set and feeling like you're doing a terrible

job immediately where everyone kind of heavily sighing and coming over to you and going, okay, this time, and you feel like you're doing it exactly the way you did in the audition. Yeah, when you go, when you go on set, it's really testing the reputation of a casting director. Yeah. They're like, I mean, I tried my best. That must have meant that you did a really good job. I think so. I don't know. Also, it came out and I've never seen it and I've never talked to anyone else who's seen it. Well, I'm happy to provide you with a copy. As you know, we keep an extensive library of every single film and television created. Why do you keep saying, as you know, I don't know, I don't know anything about this. Scott, I'm excited to provide you with some helpful information about your Audi today.

Are you ready to begin our wellness session? I don't know what this means. So you're in any is a person in Hollywood. So you've never seen the show. What show? Severance. It's an incredible show on Apple TV. I haven't seen that. And so basically... Your good friend Adam Scott. Stars Adam Scott, John Torturo, and other people. And so a lot of people... Patricia Arquette.

And so a lot of people have been saying that... Haddy? Hellie. That it mirrors real, like the real Hollywood. And I didn't think it was true. And then now that this is happening, you know, it's really shocking me to my core that this is a real thing and you have your iny. Wait, I've done this, you're saying?

Yes, Scott. You've been severed since 2001. which means you have your iny living here in Hollywood and your Audi living elsewhere. Would you like me to dive in? Please do. I need to know about this. Why did you have to look down your notes for dive in? Because it's my first day.

It's your first day. My first day, God. Oh, it's going terribly. You're doing so well. Am I your first client today or whatever you called? No, I saw the liches earlier. Oh, okay. Nick and Vanessa.

Vanessa, yeah. Nick is a little bit different. Vanessa is obviously severed. Nick is a brain dead robot. Why did he stop saying, and of course, I'm Nick Lechay? Now he just says, and I'm Nick Lechay. We reprogrammed him. Okay, thank you.

Someone spilled water on him. He really bugged me and a friend of mine. Someone spilled water on him, and that's why he kept saying that over and over again. I see. Like the aliens in signs. Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it. Exactly. Also, you know that you're also severed.

What the fuck? What? Yeah, the moment that you do any part on television, you become severed. So that means my Audi is living in Phoenix, Arizona right now? Not in Phoenix, no. But we'll get to your session soon. Okay, okay. So wait, even when I was Taft Heartlead for Just Shoot Me?

You were severed. Yes, Scott. Wow. Okay. The pain of a life as an actor was too much for you to take. Huh. Wait, so is that, does that apply to podcasts too? Absolutely.

Really? So which part of me is doing the podcast? The one of me at home or? The in any. The any. What does that mean? The part that's in Hollywood. In Hollywood.

In Hollywood. You need to watch the show. Why? So this big work. You need to watch the show. Hang you on Adam Scott. I'll tell you what it's like. Anything he's just filmed, he recaps for you.

Like verbal the entire time. He's just like, oh yeah, you see Severance last week. And then he just like takes, it takes longer than the actual episode to watch. And he'll give you the spoilers. What a good friend. To what he did and he tells. It's not like he's telling behind the scenes stories or whatever. He's just talking about how cool he looked.

It's just. Yeah, so I don't know. Does he talk about his haircut? And his cool run? Yeah, what's going on with his haircut? It's very long. Very long. Yeah, yeah.

But he cuts it for the flashback. Don't worry. Yeah, he does. In season two. So they flash back and he's cutting his hair? Yeah, they have a whole sequence of him giving himself the Rachel. Mm-hmm. It's cute.

It's so cute. It looks really good on him. Oh, gosh, I'm messing this up already. You God, I was supposed to give you your session. Let's do the session. I'm sorry. I didn't know any of this. Oh, I'm so bad.

I'm doing. terribly today. You're doing great. Let's do this. Okay. Your Audi is a ski bomb in Vail, Colorado. Your Audi likes to go to local saloon. Oh.

Local saloon? Just one. There's only one. Yeah. There's only one. There's only one in Bill. Okay. Okay.

Your Audi loves the band fish. No. That's not possible. Yes, Scott. Take a look at your lower. back. Oh shit. You have a tramp stamp. I can't see it. It's tray shredding.

Trey shredding. On your back. Scott. It's huge. It's detailed. It's very detailed. Okay. Do you mind if I just keep pointing it at you during the rest of the show? No. No, that's really stressing me out. Oh God. I'm just trying to get through this. I'll hold my pants back up. This has been such a hard week for me. He also has a liquid death tattoo. Yeah. Weird. Look, I love the brand. That was for me.

That was my Audi. That was me. Well, why has it been a terrible week? Oh, my God. It's just like, I started this new job working at the cabal. And it's just not going well. Oh. Nobody offered to take me to lunch.

Oh, shit. I thought at least somebody would take me out to lunch in my first week. Not one person. You thought it's your first day. Yeah. So the first week, there's still another six days or four day. Exactly. But the first day's already gone by and no one's offered to take me out doing an estate dinner.

No one's been like, hey, this is a fun. A new person like you to a steak dinner. Oh no. I know. It's just so tough. Steak dinner? Yeah. A steak lunch.

A steak lunch. No one at the Kval offered to take me to do a steak dinner lunch. Where you eat dinner? Well, maybe it'll happen after you're done at this session. God, I hope so. Yeah, they're just waiting. They're nervous, probably. Do you think I'm intimidating?

Yeah, you have an intimidating part. The way you shake while you're holding your notes is... Oh my God. Yeah. It looks like you're going to snap. Yeah. Mentally? Perhaps physically.

I've got to get through, Scott. I've got to push through. Let's do this. Okay. Your Audi spends his off season in Costa Rica. That's kind of cool. Off from what? From skiing.

Whoa, you go from cold to warm? Wow. Your Audi brags about his ski day and how the gnar-nar is the pal-pow. Wow. I don't know what these mean, but I guess my outs are. He knows what Narnar and Pau is, I guess? He absolutely knows. Okay.

Your Audi is in his 50s, but frequently uses the word steazy. Ew. I don't like that at all. I don't like the saloon? You're dropping steazy at the saloon? At saloon. He goes to saloon and he says steazy. I don't like this guy.

Oh, no. It's your Audi. We all love our outies. Our outies are us. Does Audi, does Audi have children? No. Audi is single. Oh, that's kind of cool. Your Audi.

Can Audi become any? Now, he's back on his stees. I love that shit. Wow, it's good to see you joke around. Thank you. Scott, your Audi spends most of his trust fund on cocaine. Ooh, I have a trust fund? Yeah, you're really wealthy. Damn. I mean, Vail is really expensive.

It's very expensive to live. there even as a ski bum. Yeah. Scott, your Audi's name is Dan Peterson. But you insist, everyone calls you Dr. Shred. And I insist on this. Yeah. You insist on this.

It's kind of cool, actually. Is he related to Jordan Peterson? He is. Oh, shit. They're cousins. My Audi is cousins with Jordan Peterson. Which means your inny is too. Oh, God.

Why do we have different names? Is that what it's like on the show, too? Yes, Scott. Haven't you listen to your friend, Adam Scott, when you recaps? Not really. I'm playing snake on my phone usually. You keep a phone just to play snake on? And old Nokia.

You're cutting back on technology, I see. Good for you. So, I mean, this guy, look, everything he said before, Dr. Shred was kind of lame, but Dr. Shred makes me sound cool. So I don't mind this guy at this point. Does he wear sleeves on his jackets? No. All of your winter coats have the sleeves cut off. Fuck yeah.

That's pretty fucking cool. That's so fucking cool. That liquid death tattoo is popping. Yep. And you also wear shorts on the ski mountain. Oh, not even cold? Swim shorts. Swim shorts.

And you wear fun loud glasses, Scott, to let everyone know you're silly. Yeah. Do I wear like old New Year's Eve glasses and say like 2004? You do. And you wear boas. Oh, I love this guy. Dr. Shred in the house. You're a personality in veil.

Mm-hmm. Your Audi Scott pronounces solace. Like this. Salsa. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Your Audi pronounces croissant like this. Quasa.

That's how I do it too. Interesting. Oh, that's interesting. Interesting, yeah. Your Audi pronounces fa like this. Fo. Foe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, Scott, your Audi is a wonderful person. And why are you telling me about this guy? Because this is our wellness check, Scott. It happens once every few months. Okay. And God, I hope I did a good job. Did I do good? I guess.

I mean, it didn't seem like you checked on my wellness at all as much as you just told me about this other guy. Doesn't that make you feel better learning about your Audi? I guess so. I mean, yeah, I'm glad to hear he's doing great. I mean, to be honest, is there ever like a take your Audi to work day or anything like this where we can switch? Silly Scott. We can't be reintegrated. Did your friend Adam Scott tell you about that?

I'm sure he did. but is this like the substance that's one I have seen where you're both won? No, it's not like the substance. Demi Moore also famously severed. Yeah. Oh. Demi Moore was severed too? Yeah, very early.

Which one owned the town with Bruce Willis? Not the DVD of the movie, the Ben Affleck movie. I mean, they bought a town. They bought a town. I think that was Demi. Yeah, I think that was Demi as well. Yeah. But this Audi version of you is cool.

Single, he's smashed and pus. He's got no sleeves. on, he's snowboarding, and then he spends his summers in Costa Rica. It's just like me. When I learned about my Audi, I felt so much better about myself, Scott. I mean, to be honest, I'm kind of jealous. I mean, myself, the in-y, I have a pretty boring life where I have to talk to, I mean, no disrespect. Of course, of course, of course. You know, like, and you're number one on the call sheet, certainly, but, uh, Hulu. It's a TV thing. TV is not a movie. It's not like you're a movie star or anything like that. And I get that. And I get that.

You know, so, I mean, compared to Dr. Shred. That's huge. Does Dr. Shred have an Instagram account that Scott can follow? Can I check it out? Unfortunately, no, Scott. We have blocked you from ever following Dr. Shred. No! Because you know those reels would be so good.

It would be too much for your brain, Scott. You would get all scrambled and jumbled. Okay. Well, I mean, this is kind of disappointing because my life sucks in comparison. Scott, it's going to be okay. Your Audi. Oh, God. Am I doing a bad job?

No, I just feel like you keep saying you're doing a bad job, but... Oh, God, I'm so stressed. It's been what your job is. Can I just tell you my experience of listening to you? What? You came here, told me about a cabal, and said, as you know, a lot, which this is the first time I remember hearing this. As you know, Scott, the cabal loves you. Okay, but, uh, and then, and then you told me about this really cool, shredding, uh, awesome dude.

That's your outy. And then you said it's a little bit. wellness check and I'm just kind of jealous at this guy. Oh God, I guess I'm doing a really bad job. I guess what did you intend to do? Well, I intended to make you feel better. You know, I felt so much better when I learned that my

Audi lives in Minnesota. Oh. Ritt, why were you shredded? And my... Shredded? I shredded because I go to... Would that show be better if it was called Dr. Shredder? Yeah, yeah. Let's be honest. I got to call out. Yeah. Apple TV's new show,

Dr. Shredder. Dr. Shredder. So what did you get severed for? I got severed because I'm a commercial actor. Oh, you are? It was too much on my little brain. What have you been in? Yeah.

I was in a toothpaste commercial where they put the toothpaste in the woman's mouth. And she just gargles it? Yeah, they put a whole tube of toothpaste in it. Oh. Oh, whoa. And she just... Uh-huh. And that was supposed to be better than brushing?

Yeah, it's just sort of an... Just one tube a day. Yeah, they say one tube a day. And basically I squeezed the whole thing. I put the whole thing. whole tube in my mouth and I put my, I bite down, and then I pull the whole thing out, and then my cheeks are full of, um... And then you just spit it all out and I spit it out and I smile and I go crest, white strips. Oh, it's for crust. White strips. White strips.

Holy shit. Okay. Confusing commercial. That's a nasty commercial. And now, now this is not you though, this is your iny. That's my iny, but my Audi. Her name is Janet Smith, Scott. Oh, but... She lives in Minnesota. Wait a minute. She has four kids. I thought you were the Audi because you're doing a job. No, Scott. I'm an in any. I work. I work. I work. I work. I my day job at the cabal. I'm also a commercial. And then you also have an Audi. And my Audi is named Janet Smith.

She lives in Minnesota. She has kids named Huxden, Braxton, Jackson, and pug. Oh. A pug is a dog or a person named pug? I feel like I've heard these names before. No. I feel like someone else I talk to.

No, that can't pee. That can't pee. Feels familiar. Then I am a therapist, part-time therapist. We would have to be part-time. And I have an Instagram account called the rapist, Janet Smith. Oh, no. Why is your Audi also have a job?

Is your Audi severed from that job as well? Scott, no, of course, Scott. You really have to watch this show. You have to watch the show. It's a Hollywood thing? My Audi lives in. No! Oh, God, I got angry.

I'm not supposed to get angry. It's okay. It's so bad. from your job and your home life. But now you're saying it's a Hollywood life and a therapist job? Scott, I have my Audi's life where I also work a job. Yes. And then when I work industry jobs, I become my in-e.

It's so obvious and clear. It makes perfect sense. All right. Awesome. Do you want to hear about your Audi? I would love to hear that because this is not what I thought. I thought this was a podcast about like recipes and general wellness. And to come here.

This particular podcast? Yeah. I apologize for that. It's bad marketing. Because your assistant emailed me and said, bring your best chicken paccata recipe. Yeah. And I was like, okay.

The capers are the key. Yeah, the capers are the key. And I had, I have, I'm wearing that on the hoodie right now. The capers are key. And, um, but to come here and actually get blindsided with this level of just like deep information is like a lot, but I'm ready for it. Well, you're ready. You're, you're, I mean, look, this is your breakout role.

This is my breakout role. Derry boys. I need to know. What was your first credit? My first credit. it on TV was, I believe, TV show was up all night, which was with, it was a show with Will Arnett, Maya Rudolph, and Christina Applegate. That's right, where they were parents.

Uh-huh. And in the pilot, they were sitting on the stoop. Something like that. Someone with a doggy walked by, and they had a poop bag and they commented on the poop bag. Yes. When you were the guy? You were the guy? No, no, no.

I played like a person. and interviewing for a job later in the seasons and they were so sweet to me. Were they? They actually were very nice. Were they? Because after that credit, you got severed.

Whoa. That's right, Asif. You came to us and you had your severed operation. Oh, God. Your Audi, Asif lives in South Carolina. Not South Carolina. Why did all the out of North Carolina?

Not even North Carolina? And who does the traveling? Why are they all connecting flights? Because I don't remember doing any flights. But everyone, your Audi flies for you. And you should be very grateful. Is there an uppy? Flying is not an enjoyable experience.

Is there an uppy for the flights? An uppy and a downy? We're working on that technology now. The cabal is working. So I live in South Carolina. Is it at least like a cool part of South Carolina or kind of boring? You live in Myrtle Beach. Okay.

Okay. You are a salesman. Oh, fuck. You wear salmon colored shorts. What is he sell? And plaid shirts. Okay, what am I selling? What am I selling?

Like, ankles exposed? Angles expose no socks. Oh, God. No socks, not even the ankle socks? No. When you wear dress shoes, you don't wear socks. Oh, God. Just rank-ass feet at a wedding.

Oh, God. What's he sell? What's he sell? Yeah. He sells soil. Soil. What the fuck? I'm selling dirt.

Soil sells itself. No, it doesn't. You make calls like this. Y'all need to. You need to make this sale work for me. You need to make it work. And I put on this voice, much akin to Bobby Jindal in Louisiana, the politician. That's right.

Oh, no. Yeah, you talk. And how do I differentiate different versions of soil to upsell? Well, it depends on how much sand is in the soil. Okay, okay. So cheap soil uses a lot of sand. Mostly sand. They cut it down with sand.

You say, these are cheap soil. This one has. just are 87% Salem 90% sand 2% soil and a bunch of other rocks

And if it A bunch of other rocks 90% is just a bunch A bunch of rocks That's what you say And I deliver it You deliver it Hand deliver it

In a horse and buggy Oh shit And that's part of my charm That's part of your charm This guy sounds like he sucks He's no Dr. Shred Yeah he sucks Do I have a catchphrase

Like stees? Yeah You go is that a dirt shirt? A dirt shirt? Who do I say that to anybody? What is it a dirt shirt? Is that a dirt shirt?

Just to anybody wearing a shirt? Anyone wearing a shirt, you say, is that a dirt shirt? It's kind of a funny catchphrase, honestly. Everyone says, what are you talking about? And you say, oh, hi. Hi. I'm wearing the dirt business. Yeah.

90% sand. Uh-huh. And a bunch of rocks. a bunch of rocks. I'm kind of coming around on this guy. I got to be honest, is that a dirt shirt? It's a pretty cool catchphrase.

Is that a dirt shirt? It does sound cool coming out of my mouth. Yeah. Don't you feel better, awesome? I do feel them. Knowing about your Audi. Do I have a family? Hopefully I'm not like Dr. Shred and I have a family.

Is he lonely like he is right now? Yeah, am I single man in like in real life or do I have a beautiful family that cares for me? That's right. You actually have a huge family. Oh, God. God, I love that. How huge are we talking? You have eight kids.

Fuck, yeah. Eight kids? Yeah. Up top, my man. Yeah, did it. Three of them live in the attic. Oh, oh. Two of them live in the basement.

Wait, my family's separated? I have joint custody of my own kids in the same house. They've severed their own kids? You're not allowed to go upstairs or downstairs. What? Oh. But you have a few who live in the car who you can see when you go on errands. So like a couple are in the attic, a couple are in the basement, a couple are just living.

What kind of car do you? If is it big? Saturn. Oh, that's so small. It's small for a three kids. But you also have a Mazda. Oh, a Mazda 3? Miata.

Oh, Miata, even smaller. It's really small. That's for like a baby, maybe. Your Audi has a tiny car. Oh, shit. A fiat. Oh, God. So I own a fiat.

He has three cars. That is kind of cool. He can't travel everywhere with all of his kids because he's a single parent. Like a motorcade. Yeah, a motorcade or like a, like a tandem motorcycle that would you call

like a side car you attached them all that would be cool you would have to go down freeways all the time with three lanes and then all my little kids would be like

is that a dirt shirt is that dirt shirt well this is fascinating stuff I think you're doing okay depending on what the intended effect is oh gosh I hope so I really want to go to a steak brunch

now it has to be brunch yeah I really want to eat steak in the middle of the day how many ounces what kind of steak are you eating fillet oh shit That's so expensive.

This could be a problem. Filet cut Porter House with a top and a blue cheese. A filet and a porterhouse on top of each other and blue cheese? It makes sense. They stuff the filet inside of the porterhouse. I mean, you are a big person. So that does make sense. Thank you.

You're like 6'2. All muscle. I'm 6'2 tall to be an actor. You're like a reacher. Yeah. But my Audi is doing awesome. Yeah. My Audi talks like this.

Oh, okay. Oh my God. What? No. That's crazy. No. Yeah, yeah. You need to tell me the recipe for this dip.

Right now. I need to know what is in this dip. Now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds cool. I got to say, I want to meet Dr. Shred one of these days. I would love it if Dr. Shred were to take over this podcast. Maybe I could be out there at Saloon.

That would be... Does my guy have a nickname or something? Yeah, your nickname is... DART! DART! Well, I would love maybe somebody in the future. my character would maybe get a weekend off and go to Vail. Yeah, our Audi should hang out with each other.

Your Audies are not allowed to see each other. What the fuck? Why not? Why not? After the huge fight of 2005. We had a fight? Yes. Our Audi's had a fight in 2005? Your Audies both tried to drown each other. What? In Costa Rica?

Yes. So there's some sort of restraining order? That's right. Our Audi's put out against each other? Oh, shit. Some sort of Will Kirby? Mike Boogie type of restraining order? Dang.

I don't understand that reference. You don't know early 2000's Big Brother references? All right, well, this sounds good. I got to be honest, I wish I could switch places with Dr. Shred. But this any right now has to take a break. Can you stick around though? Because it would be interesting to hear, you know, you speak to our next guest as well. Absolutely.

All right. Well, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Ms. Macy, more Asifali, and we're going to have a government employee. This is a back show, everyone. I hope you're enjoying it. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, Bang, we're back.

We have Asafali from Deli Boys on Hulu, all 10 episodes. I mean, I know you're going to want to binge these things, but savor them because another 10 aren't coming probably for another year and another 50 to 70K in the But we also want you to watch So the Algo sees it so we can But what about what about I mean it's not even going to be back for another year What about one every six weeks? I would, oh no no no no no we can't have that

We need you to watch all of them And then maybe you rewatch one every six weeks The cabal is very happy with your work Thank you so oh wow thank you so much Wow that's so flattering I assume you're talking to me No she's looking right at me The cabal looks forward to what you have in store Asif

maybe get invited to some of the... Some of these events that Scott was telling me about... Did freakoffs? Yeah, Scott was telling me about these freakoffs being like, you know, he was like, wait until the... He kept saying, wait until the news dies down, and I'll send you an evite. Does Dr. Shred have freecops? Dr. Shred has no penis. What?

Whoa! I don't know how did this get severed? Holy shit. Dr. Shred lost his penis in eight five. firefighting accident. Oh my God. Why do I still have a penis then? Allegedly.

Allegedly. I don't know, Scott. Take a look. Is it really there? I haven't looked at it. In years. I guess I'm realizing now. I haven't been awake

during past 5 p.m. Wow. Or looked at my penis in years. And you've never looked better. That's right. You're looking better. The cabal is happy. Okay.

I'm so glad I'm making the Gabal happy. They're very happy with your with your work on the podcast. Okay, they are. Oh, good. That's very flattering. The cabal looks forward to watching you blossom. Okay, I thought I already blossomed and that's why they were happy. As in, like, hitting puberty, like a second puberty or something. Am I going to get a second penis?

I guess it's interesting because, you know, when your baby teeth fall out, you get second teeth. Yeah. But no one has ever thought about if your penis is cut off, maybe you grow a second penis. Yeah, or like a deer in the woods where the antlers fall off and then they get a new pair. Exactly, yeah. The cabal is working on also getting you a donor for a new penis. Oh, really? That can be a donor kind of thing.

Okay, what ethnicity do you want, Scott? I mean, do I have to say. You do have to say. Let's just say it's a network in London. All right, let's get to our next guest. Move on from that topic. I'm already forgetting how to pronounce his, last name, but he's a government employee.

Please welcome Russ Suaro. You nailed it, Scott. Swarrow. Oh, shit. Russ Suhara. Hello, Russ. Good evening, sir. Good evening.

It is 10.30, but good evening. It's evening where I come from. Oh, where's that, sir? Well, of course, Texas. It's only two hours ahead. It's a Texas evening. Texas evening, 1230. You're already winding down.

Yeah, I'm kicking my feet up. Hello. How you doing, sir? So nice to see you. So wonderful to meet you. And likewise. This is Miss Macy. Hello.

Greetings. The cabal welcomes you. I don't know what that means, but it sounds Jewish. Oh. Oh, shit. And that's good. I have no opinion of it. Oh, no.

Didn't Madonna get into the cabal? I guess she did. Sure, that string around her. I think Demi Moore, the aforementioned Demi Moore did as well. Oh, that's right. She mentioned that on the what the fuck podcast. But I, I, it's not. nice to meet you. I don't want to interrupt.

No. No, you're a guest on the show. You're not interrupting. This is our segment for you. That's how I kind of got in here, was to say I'm a guest, but I'm renting out that room. Oh, that's right. Yes. I rented the room. Oh, okay. Yeah, my assistant took care of a lot of it, but yeah. Well, I appreciate that.

I'm in L.A. for the, well, I work for the water company. I'm a water man. Yes, that's right. Yes. When you work for the water company, what does that mean? Well, I work for Colligan solving water-based issues that the normal Hollywood man wouldn't be able to handle. You know, they need a gritty man with his feet on the ground to deal with water issues.

Yeah, I mean, try us. Just because we've both been number one on the call sheet and various shows that we've done. It's true. You can't hate us because we're beautiful. You have to give us a chance. It's really not because I was on the Huntress back in 2001 playing Phil Hagle, a magician. That's the episode where I stopped watching The Huntress. Wow.

In the middle of my scene? If they cannot cast under five well, then what sort of attention would he tell? This guy had 10 lines at least. Oh, it was a 10 line. I didn't even get to 10. It was a full scene. It was very traumatic for you, Scott. I had a last name and everything.

That's huge. Wow. First name is big. Last name is huge. It's my understanding of the industry. Tell us about these water-based. Well, I don't like coming out here to California, but the job takes me where it takes me. I'm a loner, and I don't want to be.

bothered by nobody. Okay. Why are you on this show? Well, because I'm having trouble, the sling I thought had the Johnny Carson network on it, and I'm having trouble logging into your sling and

getting the Johnny Carson channel, which plays every episode of Carson. And if I'm not mistaken, a sling is the precursor to like those, like TV box, like you can, like a Roku that you can plug in your TV. It used to be something that you could literally sling your cable box to

And now it's an app or something. Oh, I have no idea where I come from. We watch the three channels they give you. I love that. You know? But I'm staying here in Hollywood. Have you met Max Silvestri, by the way? He was a big of it in the Johnny Carson festival out there.

Nebraska, I believe, is where Johnny Carson is from? I don't know. I don't follow where people are from because I'm not all plugged into Dumois or whatever. The fact that you know what Dumois is. Crazy. I don't know what that fancy thing is. It doesn't just say where people are from. It usually gossips about...

That's maybe why they never print my blind items. You're just sending du moi biographical information about stars? A certain Star Wars star lives in Calabasas. Dang. It's true. Is our water okay? Well, it's, you know how it's all run.

There's some big corporate. Fat cats at the top making all the money. The Department of Water and Power. But, you know, they're paid by the Collegans, sparklets, big water. Oh, really? I didn't know this. So like Arrowhead, Collegans. Nestle.

Nestle. And they make such good chocolate, but their water is so shitty. Well, because you're expecting chocolate. Yeah, that's a thing. I'm like, give me a hint of chocolate. Yeah. I know. I'm expecting chocolate milk.

Yeah, a note of dark chalk. But even this, my social battery is. drained. I'm a loner. I don't need to spend too much time around here. For a loner, you've really, you're talking a lot. And you said doing law, which is crazy. Me, I keep to myself, I just have to deal with

you ask to be on this show. You wrote a letter to Scott. Well, that was mostly because I needed to get in contact with him because I'm having trouble. So I have a YouTube video on my phone, but I want to watch it on the TV.

Okay, so you need some sort of way to to cast. Yes. It used to be what you're watching is just on the TV. But now I'm trying to watch this video of Gustavo. Why don't you just watch it on your phone? Because I want it big. What's the video?

Gustavo Dudamel conducts Malta at the Los Angeles Phil Harmonic. Right. I love that. That's so, that's so manly of you. I love that. If you were to just watch TV, one of those things would pop up. Either Gustavo. Doudamel is that who it is?

Or a Mahler thing or the L.A. Philharmonic. Well, I tried and then I get some movie by Louis Mahler. You know, it used to be so easy, but the world you all like is so different from the world we live in time. I'm a loner. I hate my ex-wife. I hate my beautiful daughter because they sap from me all the time. I see. Do they not talk to you?

Oh, my ex-wife, I'm incredibly cruel to her, and she's still obsessed with me all the time. It is a boomer's dream. She's beautiful. She's 30 years younger than me. Oh, how old is your daughter? My daughter is 18. She's going to be Benkitt. When did she turn 18?

Oh, God. Scott again is writing notes down right now. The cabal sends an email alerting you when someone has turned 18. Is that where those come from? Well, I, you know. So you see, your your wife, had your daughter when she was 12?

My, what? Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. She said she was 30 years younger than you. How old are you? I am whatever. Let's see, 48. So she's 18 and has an 18-year-old daughter? That's right.

And they drive me crazy. You know women. They drive me crazy because I'm just a man in the world. And every day a new woman comes along who can't solve her problems. And I'm just trying to leave town, but they're asking me to help them figure out how to get their student tickets to a UCB show. And I got to say, you don't get student tickets for the weekend shows. You got to sign up for the website for Harold Night or Mod Night.

It used to be you could just show up and wait in line. But things are different now, Scott. I've never said this before, but T-M-Hon. Yeah, yeah. T-M-I about IMPR-O-V. Yeah. I want you to know that the Cabal did get your application for an IM-D-B credit. Yeah.

For what? You were in something? What were you in? Well, I have been appearing in the background. You know those people who, maybe you don't, but they show up at La Poubelle and they film everyone going in and they say, apparently you support Danny Masterson. Oh, shit. I've heard about this. I've appeared in the background of six of those videos because I can't stop getting ice cream from Van Luen two doors over.

These are very specific. L.A. references. Well, you ask me why I want to be on IMDB. I have now been in six videos licking up my Van Loon ice cream different. one every time. Does Scientology own La Poubelle? Yes. I don't think they're... This is all alleged stuff.

Yes. No. Yes. Wait, Scott Ackerman is saying, with 100% certainty on the pod, that Scientology owns and is working... Scott Ackerman just said that, yes. They're across the street from each other, and they wrote a letter... You used to know who owned what in my world.

Why? You would walk into a store, and you knew that, you know... They would have a picture of the owner on the wall. Yes. The employee of the month right next to him. Now I don't know who owns what every company is owned by three companies the world. It's no country for water, man. Why did La Poubal get rid of the menus?

So you've been in recently, despite their stance on Danny Masterson. The cabal goes and eats their regularly. Oh, okay. Oh, do they have like a discount? They do, but they don't have steak dinner anymore, which is so frustrating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have it at the time you're going in or they don't have it at 9 a.m. when I wanted it. Oh, 9 a.m.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually, may I, but you get me a water real quick, please. Oh, me? Just for a quick moment. Oh, 10 seconds. Yeah. That's okay. It's right over there.

The kitchen's right over there. Okay. Scott, awesome. Yeah. Yeah. What's up, Russ Suwara. On her way in, she dropped a little remote that I think if I click it will bring your.

my Audi to here. Oh shit. Click the little thing in your brain. The switch? It'll switch you. I heard about Dr. Shredd

and I really want to meet Dr. Shredd too. Click it if you guys want. I mean my guy's pretty boring, but I feel like if you click it for both of us that we're going to, we have these restraining orders against each other. You want some stale trail mix? Oh, um. Why is everyone talking about my stale trail mix?

I didn't know if that was a euphemism. It's just... Could you... No, not that water. I have this thing called Circle, C-I-R-K-U-L. I want you to put that in the bottle, and I can change the strength of the flavor. You are very L.A.

We're a Texas loner. Well, I'm a water, man. I mean, you came in with a tote bag. Oh, yeah. Well, I subscribe... A Gelson's tote bag. I subscribe to the Gelson's monthly newsletter. I see.

Because I want to... I'm trying to get Dragon Fruit. You also have a KCRW. Here you go on. Oh, yeah. Hey, hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Sorry. Here's a tremors. All right. Click. Hey. Dr. Shred here. Dr. Shred, hi.

You are in your Audi's podcast room. I figured that the minute I saw what's going on in this place. Oh, no. Oh, God. His outies here. Oh, my God. He messed up so bad. Did somebody else?

for a dirt shirt. Hey. Motherfucker? What are you doing here? Hey, fuck you. I thought I killed you in Costa Rica, you dumb bitch. You couldn't kill me, motherfucker. Oh, round two.

Round two. You son of a bitch. Go! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Everybody stopped fighting. Oh, shit. That was nuts.

Oh, no. Oh, God. Hey, what are you doing here? Yeah, you want some dirt, you dumb bitch? No, I went some dip. Do you know where some dirt? dip is? Why did all of you lose your neck?

No one can see this, but everyone's shoulders got a lot higher. It's a different physicality for Dr. Shred. I'm a method actor. What can I say? Thank God you said, uh, after meth. It looks like you all. Do we make the same jokes, be my other guy? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Oh, no. My kids. My kids. My kids. I forgot my kids. Oh, thank God. I don't have kids.

No, actually, right now you do have one, and you're, if we don't... Have you know anything about me, motherfucker? Yeah, fuck this guy. Why are you all so aggressive? I brought you here. I'm on a... I'm just a little simple and... Oh, wait a minute.

Can I have some of the... I see what your character's based on now. This trail mix is stale. Oh, yeah, well, let me get you a fresh trail mix. I'm sorry, this, I think I played God a little too much. What's his remote do? Oh. Oh, oh, my God.

Oh, God. Oh, my God, I messed up so bad. What happened? I don't know. What happened while we were gone? We got reintegrated. I apologize. You can see that both of your shirts are ripped and your nice little bloody.

My shoulders are really far down. My neck feels like, I feel like, wow. You'll notice your mouth is a little dry from a stale trail mix. Yeah, I have a really bad taste in my mouth. It went crazy in here. I brought your, I'm really having trouble tracking this, your Audi's into here. Dr. Shredd was here? And he was awesome.

Well, I bet. He was awesome. Rules. The soil guy was here? Yeah, dirt shirt. What is his name, by the way? His name is dirt shirt. His name is his catchment.

His name is his shirt. Dirt. Oh, like, uh, well, anywho. But his real name is Buck Mason. Oh, Buck Mason. I started the T-shirt. Now that's when clothes. used to be clothes.

Back then in 2024. Back then when it started on Chart Tank. Yeah. And so we were changed, but obviously Miss Macy here. We got her Audi as well. Oh, no. You couldn't hear it on Mike, but she immediately put her hand on both of the guys in her thighs. Oh, no.

I didn't suck him as dick, did I? In the past, every time my outies come and sucked so many dicks. I don't know that I have a dick, but. Fair. Oh, geez, God. Thank God. afford another kid, so I hope it was just a beach. It was, it was, I held everybody back from each other.

Your Audi was doing the thing dogs do where they keep humping, where there's not a dog there, but for a blowjob. And I didn't know really how to pull her back. Yeah, real pick-me behavior. I wasn't begging for a doggy style, was I? Oh, gosh, I'm so embarrassed. I wouldn't call that doggy style. I'm so embarrassed.

This happens to me all. You guys cannot tell the go-ball. This would be so bad for me on my birthday. Why do you have that remote anyway? Anyone can press that. What the fuck? It's supposed to, I was supposed to give it to the head honcho, but I forgot. The head honcho?

Yeah, the head honcho of the cabal. George Clooney. George Clooney. George Clooney. George Clooney. This makes sense. Does he lay a lot of pranks at the cabal? He's so silly and funny.

Is he like basketball a lot too? So much basketball. He can slam dunk on a four foot rim. You know, he was Richard Kine's roommate. Really? What? Yeah, he was Richard Kine's roommate. Where?

In college or something? New York. Where did they go to school? Kind and George Clooney went to college at the same time. And you know that Al Gore was Tommy Lee Jones roommate. What? Yeah. Did you know that Ophrey?

Ophrey? Ophrey and Ellen, they were roommates for a while. They were roommates? Yeah. You know, if we're lucky George Clooney, if we've become friends with him, he'll give us a briefcase of a million dollars on his birthday. That's right. If we're one of his top 12 friends or something. By the way, he's so much richer now.

I know. This is the smart thing about George Clooney. Oh, my gosh. He realizes he's going to have hundreds of millions of. millions of dollars in the future. So he gives all of his friends like a million. A measly million. That is so funny.

Wait. Miss Macy, is that you still you or is this? Did you press your... Oh my God. No, did I give it away? No. I just want to suck someone's dick. You didn't change bad.

I have to click her back out. Well, hang on. Let's see where this is going. No, hit the button. Hey, come on, man. You live at Scott's house. You can't have that kind of nasty thing here. In my day, if a lady offered a blow job,

Hit the button. Denial. Tonight. Oh, gosh. Oh, no. That got close. What just happened? You almost suck this dude's dick.

I couldn't get it hard. I apologize. It was too overwhelming. It was too overwhelming. That's not really what happened. We asked you to hit the button. I didn't realize there was. That's why I let you as I was embarrassed.

Oh, my gosh. I could hold a button. That was so bad. You guys, God, I'm going to get fired for sure. No, no. I know it's your first day. I've been working about two hours a day. And you haven't been invited to a steak brunch yet.

You're doing okay. They're usually overwhelming the first day at work. They don't track this kind of stuff of when are outies in any switch places or anything. This wasn't recorded or anything, was it? I mean, this is kind of a podcast that we're going to release, I think. But those people won't listen. No, no one would listen to it. Okay, few.

Yeah, no one listens to podcasts in the cabal. Certainly not Dr. Shred. No, no, no, no. He doesn't have time for stupid podcasts. Buck Mason doesn't have the time between his eight kids to listen to a podcast. Yeah, and his three cars. Three cars, three small cars. Or is my just one giant one?

Yeah, or I could just buy a van. Maybe that's for the future, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, how come you weren't severed? He was severed. Oh, yeah, he was severed. Did you switch?

I haven't told you about your... Because you were landmen during the... I turned into landman. Why do you remember everything? I guess my Audi is Landman. And why do you remember what... Paramount Plus is Landman? Oh, no.

Yeah, I'm kind of integrated a little more with my unconscious. Because you're still, you don't have your IMDB page yet. Yeah, I'm not fully there. He's not fully done with his surgeries. How are we on that IMDB page? Oh, yeah. We're working on it. And the cabal is welcoming.

Yeah, we will get there. Trying to get you tough. I mean, I know people who's like funnier die videos are from 15 years ago are on the I. They started putting porn on I and B. No, they didn't. Really? If you watch it or if you're in it. Oh, no.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I don't know. Whoa, Scott. . You are rising in the ranks. My star meters through the root.

Well, look, Russ, did we get to your thing? I had a blast. I mean, really, all I really wanted to do was get Johnny Carson on the sled. I'll see what I could do. I apologize. I apologize for this. It seems like we took a left turn here. But we are running out of time.

I apologize. We really, unfortunately, only have time for one final feature on the show. And that, of course, is a little something called plugs. Yeah. It's me, Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones' time. It was a typical English morning, welcome to the sounds of plugs. Wow, that was Love Bridge by Alex Shattuck. Thank you, Alex Shattuck for that wonderful plug submission.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. And you can be famous for a week. And Alex, you are famous for a week. And speaking of being famous, our guest of honor, of course, is rocketing to fame. Yes. Number one on the call sheets. What do you want to plug off? Asif. Okay. So Deli Boys is out on Hulu right now. And if you're in England, it's on Disney Plus. And if you're outside of that internationally, it's on Hot Star. And I'm also going to go on tour doing stand-up starting April. You can find all the dates on my Instagram page. That's, at Ali Comedy, A-O-I Comedy. All right, and where are you going in your tour? I'm going. We're adding dates as they go along, but this first batch, we have San Diego, we have Dallas, we have Philly, we have Charlotte and Chicago. Some great cities, and there's no better time out at the theater than seeing awesome to stand-at-comedy.

Make sure you check out that, and Deli Boys. All right, Miss Macy, what do you plug? My Audi loves to listen to comedy bang bang world. Oh, I love your Audi. My Audi loves this book changed my life. Hey Randy and Going Deep. Wow. Along with other good shows on said podcast platform. That's right.

My Audi loves the Instagram handle at a. Oh, okay. I've been there a couple of times, wherever I can find it. It's like an escape room trying to find this Instagram handle. When you spell it correctly, an incredible profile will pop up. Yeah, but it's so hard to do. But it's very hard to find. And there is another one.

There are two Lily Sullivan's. So there's one Lily Sullivan that's really hot and young. What did she do? She's an actor. She was in things like, what was it again? She's actually in an upcoming movie, Megan, too. She's in Megan, too. He's in Megan, too.

Who's your friend? Aristotle Atari. Oh, Aristotle. He's also in Megan, too. He's a part of the cabal. Oh, shit. Well, he's grandfathered in, yeah. So which one of them is going to have to change their name?

Has that come up yet? It's probably going to be the shorter, uglier, older one. Older, too, I didn't realize. She's all of those things. Wow. So when you search in Instagram, the name, Lily Sullivan, just go one down and you'll find her. She's shorter. She's smaller.

Do you think the, the, leading one gets a lot of like, wow, what a hot girl to do comedy. And then disappointed when. I have that with the other Asifali. Yeah, there is another actor who's Asifali. Same spelling, same everything. Way more famous South Asian actor. You have to really, you have to add comedy to it when you're Googling.

So go to the second one. Same thing. I'm shorter. Wow. That's so exciting for you. Yeah. Are you on IMDB Asafali too? No, he's not in SAG.

Because he works in India, so I have that. I don't have to change my name. Thank God. I would have changed it to Buck Mason. I would have done it. The cabal loves you. Thank you. All right, Russ.

What are you plugging here? Well, go ahead. Clear your throat. Do whatever he need to do in order to do. I smoke my cigarettes and I drink my Tom Holland's non-alcoholic bureau. So it does. Is that good? It's incredible.

It's beer without the alcohol. Wow. Seems like the only reason people brave the taste of beer is... To get a buzz. Not in Texas. In Texas, you just want to have the beer in hand, and we're all grateful for Tom Holland for creating an un-alcoholic beer that you can drink at concerts. You sound like a drag, by the way.

I sound like a drag. Yeah, just like hanging out with you in Texas, but I know you don't even want it. You're a loner. I wouldn't want to hang, Scott. You have an 18... I love an 11th hour takedown. You have an 18-year-old ex-wife and an 18-year-old daughter, which I don't know how it's possible. 38-year-old ex-wife, 18-year-old daughter.

My ex-wife was 18 when we met. No, but you're 48. And you're 30 years older than that. Someone's going to jail? We just don't know. Not by Texas law. The Cabal will protect you. I'm in.

I'll plug Russ Soarro Hollywood. That's my Instagram. That's where you can get all my reviews of Southern Houses. And then go check out those La Poubel videos, obviously. Yeah, if you watch. What flavors do you have when you're in the Van Luen? Vegan cookies and cream. Right.

Okay. It's disgusting. No milk. Oh, God. Should a night out with you. A horrific time. You just have non-alcoholic drinks. A bureau and a non-alcoholic.

Well, a beer on a vegan cookies and cream is my kind of night. You seem like a guy who would hate vegan stuff. Oh, no. Well, I don't like the fake meats. Don't try to trick me. But if I'm somewhere, like, I don't know. What if they're not trying to trick you and they're just open and honest about? That's what things used to be like.

That's what it used to be like. It's all different now, Scott. Do you have anything else I want to plug? At Dan Lippert Cool is another Instagram. Go to the CBB world. CBB what is it? CBB Presents, yeah. For Bill Walton's podcast, Eat, Pray, Dunk,

where him and Mark Rennie are writing a pilot called Entourage, A-U-N-T-O-R-A-G-E, tracking that. And hey, Randy, and then go to big grande website.com for podcasts or listen to the Manned Dog Pod for Improv and Conversation Podcasts. Oh, wonderful.

These are all good plugs. Thank you. I want to plug. They mentioned CBB World. Go out, head out there for all of your comedy needs. You have every episode of Comedy Bang Bang as well as every live episode we ever did.

We also have shows like the neighborhood Listen, college town. Scott hasn't seen. We're in the middle of month, month right now, which is so exciting, where every movie has a different month in the title. Oh. Cool.

I believe we just watched, what did we just watch? April Fool's Day, and we have September 5 coming up this Friday. Wow, these sound like great movies. Yeah, we also watched, what was the sweet November with Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves. Wow.

I don't think I have, I never watched a movie with a month in it that I remember liking. Really? Yeah. So you're not a fan of Born on the Fourth of July, a story about one of our great. I mean, yes. I think that's the only one. That's the only one, I think.

Is there another one you can think of? What about the hunt for red October? Okay. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. Okay, I take it back. My whole stance is wrong and I apologize on air. I love to have you on next year's month. What about May December?

We, unfortunately, I've seen that. That covers two months. Yeah, that's the ideal month-month movie, but unfortunately I saw it. But you can check out all those shows over at CBBWorld.com. Also, while you're over there, you can get our new action figures, the Randy and Carissa action figures.

They're on sale now. They get them to complete your set. They are available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com with free shipping with a U.S. address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at action figure seller.com. Also Sprague and Big Sue, I believe, are still available.

And tour exclusives of J.W. Stillwater and Scott Ackerman are also available. All righty. Let's close up the old plug bag. Open the plug back with me. Open up the plug bag. I'm talking open back. All right. Yes.

That was Open Up the Plug Back by Tai Tai. Thank you to Tai Tai. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Awesome, so wonderful to meet you and continue success to you. Thank you so much. And I hope that you never slip down lower than five on any other calls that you're ever on. I swear to God, if it ever happens to me, you'll see me on the news. And I expect you to call me the minute you hear about your renewal.

Yeah, the exclusive. It will be a CBB exclusive. I will let you know. I love that. Don't clear it through Hulu or anything. Or my lawyers or anything. It'll be a huge legal battle, but it'll be worth it to do it on the show. Miss Macy, thank you so much for being here.

Scott. Yes. It has been so exciting and pleasurable to talk about your Audi. Thank you so much. I enjoyed hearing about it. I guess I didn't meet him, but he sounds cool. But your Audi doesn't read. Oh.

Oh, whoa, bomb at the end of the show. Wow. Dr. Shred doesn't read? Dr. Shred doesn't read. That doesn't sound like Dr. Shred. What the fuck? Your Audi doesn't vote. Doesn't vote.

That makes sense. That makes more sense. That's true. That fully tracked. It's hard to get down, you know, to a major town. From Vale, all the way to a building box? More of a ski to a voting booth. And if you're in Costa Rica, you got to go to the U.S. Embassy.

That makes sense. Your Audi is gluten-free. Okay. Why does he have a body like this then? And Russ Swarrow. You nailed it. Did we get to your thing? I feel like I...

Oh, I had a blast, Scott. but there's no thing for me. You're basically a landman. Well, I'm a water man. Yeah, but I haven't seen that either. I'm a man's man. I wish people would stop coming on the show doing parodies of things I haven't seen.

Well, you don't need the context. You got to be like awesome over here, like, you know, give me a good two hours between booking and being on the show where I can like catch up on the thing, you know? You don't need the context to understand me, Scott. I exist on my own. I'm a simple water man.

Speaking of water I don't use these newfangled badees so I'm going to uninstall the one in my room and just dip my butt in the toilet water when I'm done like we used to do in Texas Please don't Please dip your butt wherever you like Just outside of the house

By the way, how much are you paying Scott to rent this room? Let's see Carry the three Yeah, because he said yearly divided by 12 So I just gave him a yearly And then I'm going to divvy it up And we'll just see how long you're here

So his YTD is about 140K. Holy shit. But that's Coligan's money. Sure, yeah. Coligan's fame for this. You don't mind. You're a simple waterman. I don't need much.

All right. Well, speaking of not needing much, we are out of time. We have to go, but we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Adios. Dirt shirt.