Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Natasha Leggero,Harris Wittels,Matt Besser

Episode Date: March 7, 2011

Creak! Slam! Sit down for some Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast! This week's episode has everything you love about the show; the music of Phish and pussy jokes! Natasha Leggero, Harris Wittels, and Harris' protege King Henry VI are our guests, along with Natasha and Harris' new characters Maude and Jack. Death-Ray fans know Jimmy Stewart to be dismissive, but we've unearthed some footage that proves that he's also winning. Be sure to vote in the Harris' Phone Corner Poll at our blog, and come visit us next Sunday in Austin for a LIVE Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast!

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Audible, the leading provider of audio content on the internet. With Audible, you can enjoy books freely wherever you'd like, and doing whatever you'd like. Download a free audiobook and a 30-day free trial by visiting audible.com slash bang bang today! That's audible.com slash b-a-n-g-b-a-n-g. Now who wants some chicken? It's Comedy Death Ray Radio. I don't know, that one was liked a lot, but that did not feel good coming off the tongue. Let me explain what's happening, by the way. If this is your first time listening, my name is Hot Skok.

Hot Sosserman? I couldn't even do the fake name without stumbling over it. What is wrong? I need to do my vocal exercises this morning. You need to change your name to Hot Sosserman. Okay, so this is Hot Sosserman, and this is Comedy Death Ray Radio. I had a world-famous catchphrase. What's a pot dog? I no longer say it. If you have a suggestion, put it on our eurowolf.com page. And I could go into a much lengthier explanation, just so everyone's clear on what happened, but I'm feeling like not going into it today.

So, let me tell you who I have as guests right now. This is, of course, Hot Sosserman with Comedy Death Ray Radio, and we have, first of all, old friend of the show. You all know him. You've heard his voice already. Within the first two minutes, it's Harris Whittles is here. Yeah, thanks, Hot. And one of my favorite comedians, I'm sorry, comedians, we have from... You said comedian twice, though. Comedienne is what I said the second time. Comedienne?

Yeah. He just shortened the pool from which he likes. He likes me out of ten people. You know her as a judge from Last Comic Standing, and the beautiful and vivacious Natasha Leggero is here. Hi, thanks for having me. No one clapped after you. That's because I started the clap. I'm a very generous performer, so I was starting the claps for everybody else. Listen to yourself. Why not? Oh, yeah. Hi, Natasha.

I don't need claps. You're a self-reliant performer, I've noticed. You don't care about claps. You don't care about laughs. You just do what you do. You don't care about the clap? I mean, I know that that's not true, but I had to follow... Are we going to start talking? Yeah, no. Go ahead and start talking. I had to follow Martin Lawrence last night at the comedy store. Really? And he... I think I got off...

Where'd you follow him to? I had to follow... Nice one. Well, first of all, he was on stage doing jokes. His big closer was that when you fuck a guy... No, when you get fucked in the butt... By a guy? No, just like when you're fucking... Anyone... Oh, can I swear? Oh, yeah, please do.

When you're fucking in the butt, corn comes out of the butt, so he gets corn on the cock. That's true. That's not true. And that was his big closer. Oh, and then there was a lot of jokes about dry pussy. He's really cornered the market on the dry pussy. So wait, wait, wait. He does not... It gets his dick all bloody. He does not like dry pussy.

No. He doesn't like dry pussy or deep pussy. Dry pussy, deep pussy. What kind of pussies, then, is Martin Lawrence into these days? Um... Like wet, shallow, almost like a waiting pool kind of pussies. I don't really want to think about it. He might be into cocks, I don't know. Would you say that your pussy is kind of his type? I definitely have...

His type? I have a narrow, shallow, wet pussy. Almost like kind of like a library aisle or something, like just a narrow aisle of books. I would like to think of it more like a perfume aisle. You know, like at the... what's that place called? Duty-free. You know, you're going to the aisle, something like that. So your pussy is duty-free.

I like my pussy is duty-free, too. Wait, so let me finish the story. Okay, here we go. So then Martin... Oh, I thought that was the perfect ending. Well, I just want to complain about him a little more. Okay, please. So Martin Lawrence can't pronounce my name when he's bringing me up, so he's like...

I'm black, I can't say that name. He's like complaining and yelling, and I was like, just say Natasha. He's like, I don't work for you, bitch! Whoa! And so he got really mad, and then he waited for me after the show with his friends in the parking lot, because I got 20 minutes later, I'm off stage, and it is very hard to follow someone that dirty, and, you know, it was just very... And speaking the truth the way he does.

So then he goes, hey, Natasha, I just want you to know I don't work for you. And then I gave him my purse and said, hold this for me, Martin, darling. So I don't know if he was kid. I mean, he didn't laugh. What a weirdo. Well, you know, he's on top of the world. Oh, and then he's like, how long you've been doing comedy? And I was like, I hate when people ask you that.

I was like, it's not a competition, Martin. You should have asked how long he hasn't been doing that. And I should have told him that if he did work for me, he would have gotten fired for that set. You should have said that, but you thought of it what? How much later? 12 hours? When I got home on Twitter, I was like trying to...

He's not on Twitter. Oh, that's too bad. Well, he's on top of the world, you know? I mean, Big Mama 3 came out. He's very successful, I guess. He doesn't seem successful, but he must be. Well, I mean, you know, if you ever capture the zeitgeist the way he did, you'll be able to keep working forever.

It's like a third grader. It looks like if a third grader was telling jokes, they don't even make sense. All those dry pussy third grader jokes. Well, no, but it's just if there's an immaturity to it. Almost like he's never even had sex. Third graders' pussies are generally dry, aren't they? Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

From my experience? Absolutely. I've never had a baby, but I could have met... I mean, Natasha, you're the only female here, and I don't know that much about the changes a woman's body goes through, but when does your pussy start getting wet? Is that like an adolescence thing? Like, is it totally dry until you're 13 years old? Oh, no.

Really? It gets wet way before that. Well, I was very advanced. I was, uh, yeah. Yeah. I couldn't wait for sex. Really? That is interesting, because, you know, boys can get boners before they can come.

Yeah. But I wonder if, yeah, like, girls, if vaginas can get wet before you can, like, be sexual. Can't wait. Now, can... And I'm totally serious about this. I don't know. Can... Okay, guys, I remember, yeah, you can't come until you hit puberty.

You've got to have a dream or something. Yeah. Don't you have, like, a dream? Is that the first time? Sometimes, yeah, sometimes. But do girls have orgasms before they hit puberty? I remember, like, just rubbing my chair. Like, rubbing on my chair when I was, like, in second grade.

The teacher must have thought I was... I don't know. I used to go down to... Oh, never mind. I think my parents listen to this. Yeah, my dad is stalking me, so I'm sure he's... Yeah. Wait, your dad's stalking you?

Like, online. Really? Yeah. Like, if he would have spent a quarter of the time he spends on my Facebook page on raising me, I would not be a comedian. And someone will post pictures, like, just bad pictures. You know, everyone's tagging you and my dad, as soon as they'll post to just call me up, are you okay?

You look sick in these... What was that like, the San Antonio College you did? You look terrible. Is everything okay? Like, he's just... Really? He's just, like, on my page. What a nice supportive father.

You look terrible. Well, I'm just saying he's just, like... He's very interested in your career. That's great, though. I mean, you know... Yeah, now that I'm on Chelsea lately. He gets... He gets pussy, because I'm on Chelsea lately.

Really? Yeah. What kind of pussy? Like, shallow... Shallow... Dry. Jagged. I don't know.

Almost like a cave, like a labyrinth. Right. Yeah, like... A lot of stalagmites. Twisty and turny. Mosse. Stalagmites. Stalagmites?

Is that... I'm not a pussy comic. I don't know how this took a turn. I know. Via Martin Lawrence. I was just thinking about Martin. Harris, a lot of people know you from the show, because you're on a lot, and you have a very popular segment on the show.

And you do it every time you're here. Natasha, have you heard Harris' segment before? No, no. What is it? Okay, well, it's called Harris' phone corner. Phone corner. No, phone corner. Oh.

We've talked about this before, Harris. The phone corner is something totally different. Yeah, that's like a phone party. It's a whole... Where you read jokes in the middle of a phone party, where there's suds in the... Yeah. So this is the phone corner, and explain for Natasha a little bit about what happens to her.

Well, I typically... You know, you probably have this too, where you'll wake up in the middle of the night with an idea for a joke, and you'll jot it down. Or you'll be sitting in a waiting room, and an idea will strike you. Put it in your... I put mine in my phone, in my notes portion of my... So you have a notes app. Yeah.

A lot of people are really interested in the ins and outs of the phone corner, and how it works. Sure, sure. Yeah, it's an app. Basically, you have a notes app that... Do you have an iPhone? Yeah, it's an... Yes.

So it's what comes standard with the iPhone. So anyone who has an iPhone could ostensibly imitate the phone corner. Right. Anyone that has an iPhone, any model of an iPhone has a notes thing. And you can do your very own phone corner. Do we know that if someone has a droid, for instance, does that have a notes app? I don't know. I don't know anything that's not Steve Jobsian.

Engineer Doug, can we do some research on that about whether other types of phones have notes capabilities, notation capabilities? I bet they do. Well, I just text myself. You can do that. You text yourself. Okay, now that's not exactly what Harris does. No.

So I would not suggest doing that for the listener. I used to do that prior to my iPhone, actually. But, oh, God, this is so... The texting fees. This is so boring. What? The jokes on your phone? Explaining the app part of this.

Okay. I disagree. All right. All right. Well, actually, it probably is more entertaining than what it actually is. Okay, so what you do is you write down jokes and then the segment... But these jokes are all unusable. I don't use these on stage ever.

They're like my fucking weird, dumb stuff that you will never try. But I read them here and then Scott just makes fun of them. So it's like you're live tweeting them, Scott? Yeah, right. And whoever listens to this. Right. Who so ever listens to this podcast? Yes.

Believe it in, Harris. Right. All right, here we go. So are you ready to do the phone corner? Well, okay. And, Natasha, I want you to chime in on these. I just have a question as to why he thought it was called foam corner. Well, it's been a...

There's a lengthy debate about what it's called over the past few episodes. All right, so Natasha, are you ready? I like foam corner. You prefer foam corner? Back to foam corner, then. Okay. Harris, and do we have a theme song for this? Okay, so let's...

First of all, before we do this, let's hear the theme song. Okay, are we ready? Sure. All right, here we go. All right, so great. Phone corner theme. Now, Natasha, are you ready? I'm ready.

Okay, Harris, are you ready? I am. Yes. You were born ready? No, because I wasn't. That would have been a lie. I had no cognitive ability. I was a child.

I was a baby. All right, here we go. I've been ready since I was three. So, how do we do this again? Do we count them off or...? Here's what happens. All right, listen. Actually, I'm going to flip the script today, Scott.

Whoa. Hot sauce. Anyone can come in here. Anyone that's me can just come in here and just rattle off some fucking brilliant jokes. Like, just an example. I bought a backpack at a store yesterday, and the woman at the register asked if I wanted a bag for it, and I said, lady, that's what it is. So anyone can just say that, you know.

So wait, does that not count as one of the phone corner jokes? He was reading off his phone. Anyone can just point out that it's silly that when you're in a cold car and you want heat, cold air comes out of that thing first. It makes you colder. They got to fix that. Anyone can point out that. I think you're right.

So I'm here to show today that I'm also, you know, you have a lot of characters on this show. A lot of people come in, they got characters, and I love that part of this show. And people probably don't know that I also do that. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you saying that you're about to abandon the phone corner? I'm saying I'm calling an audible, and I'm going to unveil my new creation. This is, and if I may coin a phrase, a game changer.

Yeah, that's a great way to put it. Changing the game, yeah. Yeah, it's not bad, right? I don't know. Okay, so you're going to try a character? Yeah, with the expertise of a domian or a daily. Okay. John or Andy.

All right, so this is a first for Iris's appearances on the show. Right, and then, you know, if people want the phone corner after this, I understand. Tell them to write in. I think we could put up a Vota on the blog. Yeah, should Harris stick to characters or go back to the phone corner? I think we'll get a pretty good idea. Oh, we should put a neither option in there. Right, and then I just never come back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we'll make sure we put a neither. I know a couple people want that. Walt from the ear-wolf comment section. All right, so here we go. Debuting a character, is there anything we need to know about this character before we begin? This is Jack, and he works at a lumber store. Jack from the lumber yard?

I don't know. Okay, and how do we get into this? Do you just start talking? Well, okay. Creek Slam, that was the door. Oh, that wasn't you talking? I was going to say it's a very weird thing for Jack, though, from the lumber yard to... Creek Slam. Hey, Creek Slam's it.

Hello. Hi. I'm, my name is Jack. Working at a lumber yard. Hi, Jack. Thanks for having me. Hi, it's great to meet you. Thank you so much for coming to the show.

So, you know, because we have an open door policy here, Natasha, you've heard about it. We let anyone come in who wants to come in. If they can find the ear-wolf studios. We just let anyone come in and we talk to them, so let's find out a little bit about Jack, who you say you work at a lumber yard? I do. All right, so, Jack, you know, it's kind of interesting. Your name is Jack, and you work at a lumber yard.

It's almost like you're a lumberjack. I never thought about that. Actually, my father's name was Carl, and it's actually called Carl's Lumber. Hmm, okay. Natasha, any questions? So, is a lumber yard, is that, are you working out in nature, or are you like working at Home Depot? It's my own store. Where is it?

It's in Van Nuys. Do you have a girlfriend? I have a wife. Marjorie. She's the love of my life. What does she do? She works there, too. It's fascinating.

It's just nice to meet someone in Hollywood who does something. Who's just kind of normal. Yeah. How much money do you make every year? Well, that's a little personal, but I do, I make a comfortable living. Okay, huh. All right, well, let's dig deeper. How would you describe Marjorie's pussy?

I don't know if that's appropriate. It was just a callback from earlier. Yeah, it's just... I wasn't here. Oh, right, I forgot about that. All right, well, let's find out a little bit about your psychology. Why did you become a lumberman? Well, as I said, my father Carl, it was his business, and then I took it over.

Oh, boy. You should call it Jack's Lumber. It's funny. All right, well, this is... I don't know. Natasha, what do you think about this guy? Well, I'm just interested to get a little deeper. Okay, yeah.

Let's pry. Let's probe. Time out. Oh, okay, so we're back to Harris? It's me. It's Harris again. How's it going? I'm really going for the subtle thing.

It's maybe a bit too subtle, a little dry. Most of the characters who come in here have kind of a skewed point of view, which we exploit. Oh. Oh. Your character seems a little too normal. I was playing it very naturalistic, I think. I think we got that. Natasha?

Yeah, he seemed pretty natural. Yeah. Is there anything you could do to jazz it up? You know, put some bio-digital jazz in there? Maybe give him an accent. Yeah, that would be great. Okay. You want to try that?

Okay, okay. So, time back in? Time in. Okay. This is Creek. Slam. Sit. Right.

Hi, Jack. Great to see you again. Thanks for dropping by. Thanks. Okay, this is a little better. This is a little better. So, how's life at the lumberyard lately? It's good.

Natasha? Do you like Martin Lawrence? I don't know who that is. What kind of TV do you watch? Anything on the big three networks. Aren't there four big networks now? Technically, Fox is sort of a mini-network. VH1, Fuse, and G4.

All right, we're good. Yeah, this is a little better. See, he's not as normal. He had kind of a funny answer there. I like this. Time out. Okay, okay. Harris is back.

I don't think that was going well. I'm going to go back to what I came in here to do. That was funny. It was a little bit funnier, Harris. You don't agree? I was just like goofy. I like the natural comedy. I'm going back to Jack.

Creek. Slam. Sit. Hi, Jack. Hello. What did you do last night, Jack? I went out to dinner with my wife, Marjorie. Where'd you go?

Tony Roma's. What'd you have? Chicken. Seems like more of a rib place. If you're going by the menu. Hey, do you got any babies? I have three grown children. Really?

How old are you? 59. Good answer. All right. How old is Marjorie? 57. Okay. How long have you been married?

30 years. Since you were? 27. 29. Yes. Right. She was 27. And what made you fall in love with Marjorie?

Her sense of humor. And how kind she is. Okay. Let's time out. Time out. This is going nowhere, Harris. What? It's an art.

He's purposely giving you the least thing. I don't think so. I don't think you have any kind of imagination, Harris. First the foam corner and then this dud. I don't know if this is a dud. We haven't had the poll yet. Online to see if people liked it or not. I don't know.

I think people like subtle comedy. I mean, I don't know that you can even call that comedy. Harris has clearly put a lot of time into this. Yeah. What did you do to kind of create this character? He opened his mouth. And my brain and my heart. I kind of just like took in, it's an amalgamation of like a bunch of different people.

You know Lumberjack? No. You know someone named Carl or Jack? No. Okay. I just like see people walking around and I go, that'd be good. I'm just telling you how I create my thing. Okay, okay.

I don't know. I don't know, man. I feel free to go back and forth from Jack to Harris throughout the show. But I for one am not digging it. But we'll put the poll up. We'll put the poll up. Should Harris just do foam corner? Or stick to the character?

Stick to the character or never be on the show again. Okay. And vote from your heart. You know? Yeah. Whatever you truly feel, we want to know. It's not going to hurt your feelings, right? It absolutely will.

Alright, well why don't we take a break here. When we come back, we'll have a little more Natasha Legerro. We'll have more of either Harris or Jack, the Lumberjack. And this is Fly the Concords. We'll be right back with a little more CDR Radio. If you want me to, I can hang around with you. If I own a new, that's what you're into. You and him, him and you.

If that's what you're into, him hanging around. Around you, you're hanging around. Yeah, you're that too. And if you want me to, I will take off all my clothes for you. I'll take off all my clothes for you. If that's what you're into. How about him in the nude? If that's what you're into.

In the nude in front of you. Is that what you'd want of you? If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too. It could be a dream come true. Providing that's what you are into. Is that what you're into? Him and you in the nude. That's what he's prepared to do.

Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into? And that may be later. We'll get hot by the refrigerator. In the kitchen next to the pantry. You think that might be what you fancy. In the bath, being rude. Doing stuff with the food. Getting nude with his food.

We heard that's what you are into. Then on our next date. Well, you could bring your roommate. I don't know if Stu is keen too. But if you want, we could double team you. How about you and two dudes, him, you and Stu. In the nude, being nude with two dudes for food. Well, that says Stu's into it too.

All the things I do. Things I'd do for you. If I only knew. That's what you're into. Yeah! Yeah! Hey, it's Comedy Deathly Radio. This is Hot Saucerman.

And I'm here with comedian Natasha Ligero and person Harris Wittles. And... I'm back. I've D-rolled. And we're getting to know him. We just had a disastrous first segment with Harris' debut of his new character.

I don't mean to color the poll, but go to yourwolf.com We'll have that poll up. And Natasha, I want to get to know you. You know, the same way that we got to know Jack there. Can there be a section to see if I come back on the Ear Wolf poll as well? Yes, definitely.

You have a wide open invitation. Anytime you want to drop by. Okay, good. I don't know that much about you, to be honest. I know you grew up somewhere else. I grew up in Illinois. Illinois, that's right. And I live...

Rockford, Illinois. That's where I'm from, have you heard of it? Don't go back there. Oh, is that from a song? Rockford's like the city equivalent of this conversation. It may be Rockville, by the way. Yeah, I think you are. Rockford is a cheap trick.

Yes! Well, Rockford, cheap trick is from Rockford. Alright, so did you know them growing up? I would wait on them when I worked at the grocery store. Really? They all still live there. I mean, I would serve them. Oh, okay. Serve them what?

You know, like whatever it's called when you're a cashier. Ringin' them up! I would ring them up. Great interjection, Harris. Appreciate that. So you were a cashier? Yeah. Oh, actually, I have this article from my home town newspaper. My friend just sent me this, so I've been...

Oh, cool. I've been reading it to my friends. Oh, I love it. Yeah, I want to hear this. Okay, so it's called Armless Woman Refused Service at McDonald's. This is a real news story. This is from your home town. Rockford Register Star. Rockford, Illinois woman Don Larson, who was born without arms,

was refused service at a McDonald's drive-thru when the staff refused to let her take away her food with her feet. Larson, pulled up to the first window, gave the cashier her credit card with her foot, and was told by the cashier, girl, you ain't got no arms. You can look that up. That's where I'm from.

Girl, you ain't got no arms. Yeah. And that is a refusal. Yeah. That's how they treat you there. Did that ever happen to you with any members of Cheap Trick when you were ringin' them up at the... No, I'm polite. I'm a lady.

Been to college. Where'd you go to college? I went to Hunter College. Oh, right. Well, that's where I got my degree. A degree in what? Theater criticism. Really? Yeah!

Now, what kind of stuff would you critique back then? We would go to the theater and write up reviews. So Broadway. What you think of that motherfucker, Molière? Molière? Mm-hmm. I don't know that I ever reviewed Molière. I do like Molière.

The misanthrope? The misanthrope is a good one. Tartuffe. That's good, too. I can't believe you're a lumberjack, and you know about Tartuffe. No, that wasn't the lumberjack. That was Harris. We all know Harris went to Harvard, and so he knows a lot about this kind of stuff.

I didn't even know about Harvard. They didn't go there. Until I was like 20. No one got the... Yeah, and you're very sheltered in the Midwest. So no one's talking about Harvard when you went to... When they never sat me down at high school, they just wanted me to work as a cashier

probably for the rest of my life. So... I live in L.A. now. Oh, we have this thing... I want to tell you about this thing we have now because I saw them this morning. Have you ever seen the gangsters outside painting? They have to paint...

Painting over graffiti? Yeah, it's called the L.A. beautification. So when they get caught doing graffiti, they then have to paint over it? I wonder what's worse for them. It seems like jumpsuit or... Bring a sand to the beach. In what way?

No, but they've graffitied it. Yeah, but it's just like encouraging them to paint some more. Yeah. Well, there's this thing now called the L.A. gang tours. What is that? Have you seen that? What do you mean? It's a tour bus that takes you to the most dangerous parts of L.A. and all the gangsters have agreed to a ceasefire.

Around the bus? No, because they are taking you through comp. They're taking you to all these terrible places. And the gangsters have all said that they won't shoot during this tour. It's $100 a seat. It's sold out through June. And I've been trying to get a seat, because I just want to know who is on the bus.

Because you know it's just a bunch of white people in safari outfits who want to look at minorities through bulletproof glass. Oh, Harold. Ever since that NWA song, I have been dying to see Compton. He comes with a bag of crack to feed them. Who was that?

That's my impression of an old lady in binoculars. Do you think she knows Jack? Hey, Jack, are you here? Not us. Creek. Slam. Hi, Jack. Hello.

Have you met, what is your name, ma'am? My name is Maud. Hello, Maud. How are you? I'm Jack and I'm fine. It is great to meet you. You too. Well, Jack... Do you like lumber?

You know, I have been asked that several times and I would have to say no comment. You should really try it out. What do you mean try it out? I got a store. Why do you sell at that store? Well, lumber.

Oh! Well, I think that... Okay, yeah. That could be a good improv where you just give each other nothing each time. It's hard to do. It is hard to do.

Absolutely the unentertaining. Can I just say that I'm really not making this up. This is an actual thing called the LA gang tour. And I just don't understand the idea of glorifying gang culture. Well, you know, some would say that some of the movies and CDs

about over the years sort of glorify the culture. Right, but I mean, what do they do? All they do when they're not killing each other is they're spray-painting their nicknames on your fence. You know when they're not killing each other? When those tours are rolling through there. Maybe it's a good thing.

That's the solution. Let's get these tours 24 hours a day. 24 hours a day. My brother's kind of a... Well, he's a rapper, but he used to do a lot of graffiti. He's like, you throw a fat fucking piece up there. That place is yours.

I'm like, no one thinks you own Costco. Your brother sounds fast. We've talked about him a little bit. He's a good rapper. He's really talented at graffiti. I don't know what happened. What's his rap name? Nickname. What was his graffiti name?

It's not Nicknamer. Nicknamer. That's like a radio head out. It's really long when we go out. Okay, so when we go out, check out that. Now, Harris, we've learned a little bit about Natasha. Let's learn a little bit about you.

Okay, well, actually, I brought someone here today. When you say you brought someone, what do you mean by that? I mean, I brought like a friend. Like a pet? No, I wouldn't say that. It's a person. A human being?

Yeah, yeah. And I've actually been tutoring this guy. Where is he out in the waiting room? Open up the door. Greek. Open. Oh, okay. Who is this? He looks familiar to me.

It should look familiar. He's pretty famous. This is actually George VI. King George VI. Wait, the famous King from England. That's right. Hello, sir. Your Majesty is... You can call me...

That's right. Your Highness, your king. Perfect. Your Highness, your king. Your Majesty. Oh, okay. Well, welcome, Your Majesty. What brings you by the Errol Studios? Well, I'll explain. He's actually been trying to try his hand at stand-up comedy.

Oh. And he came to me to kind of tutor him on it. And I think... What did you hear about Harris? I mean, it's kind of an unconventional choice to teach you about stand-up comedy. Um... I...

That's right. I hurt. Oh, okay. Okay, let's try this. Yeah. Why don't we put some music on? Like, pretty...

Let me try. Okay, you're going to try a joke? Is this red? Is this what? Is this red light? Yes. Oh, yes, the red lights. We're on.

So, we're going to put on a song. No, no, no. Just have him try it first. Maybe he... I would love to hear just kind of what happens if he does it on his own. All right. Did... Did...

Did you hear... Did you hear... Did you hear the one about the man with five dicks? For the one about five dicks. Did you hear the one about the man with five dicks? No, Your Majesty.

He's... His palms feet. Like a glove. His palms feet like a glove. His palms feet like a glove. That's funny. That's pretty... Yeah, you do. That's a good joke.

That's not bad. Did you write that joke, Harris? No, he brought that to me. So, he brought the material and your... You're the performance coach. Street joke, you say, Your Majesty? Street joke. Take home, Duke. Okay.

Now, so that's what happens when he just does it. Well, that's great. Congratulations. Well, it's very nice to meet you. Do not pander to me. I knew it did not go well. Maybe it could have gone a little better. So, I mean, I would like to try the method that I was talking about where, you know, you play a song.

It will never work. Maybe. It will work. It will never work. God, he's so hard to deal with. How do you do this? It's a lot of patience. I hope you're getting paid well. Oh, I am. Fine, let's try it. All right, now, Engineer Doug,

if you could play a song and just, you know, if you don't hear yourself, you know, so... A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of the dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, damn, I wish I had a flashlight.

A woman says, me too. You've been eating grass for the past 10 minutes. Huh. Can't bloody do it. You did it. You did it. That was it. You said it perfectly. We all heard it. Yeah, it was great. You're a man to stay the king. I did not do well.

You did well. I'm going to send you... We record all these on old 45s, right? Yeah, very old 41. And you'll listen to it, trust me, but if you don't believe me... I will never be the king of comedy. Is that what you're trying to achieve? You will be. One of the original kings of comedy?

Yes. All right, let's try this other thing. What? If you can't say it, maybe you could sing it. I know it's going to sound crazy, but just like if you sing it, I think it'll work.

Like singing a joke, you mean? Yeah, yeah. Oh, like they did in the king's speech when he sang his speech. I don't know what that is. For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow. Will the man replies you be the judge?

I just fucked my retarded baby sister. That was pretty good. That was the best one so far. You should always say your joke. Be able to do it without singing. No, it's funny to sing them. I'm not a troubadour. You're a chanteuse.

What? Isn't that a singer? That's kind of insulting to the king of old England. Sounds French. Alright, well that surely must be the last technique that you have. It is. Something fresh out of techniques.

Well, you know, maybe at some point you'll be able to do it without singing, without music playing. I don't know. In the rest of the show, I will try to add, add, add,

add, add, adlib. Adlib, adlib. Now, I've always heard it's very frustrating for someone who stutters to try to tell them what they're trying to say.

They know what they're trying to say. Do not try to tell me what I'm trying to say. Say. No. Stop it. I'm trying to sit. Okay, great.

Don't tell me what I'm trying to sit. Oh boy. Natasha? What do you got? Anything for King George? Well, you know, another technique you could do is you could, a lot of comics, you could just start saying fucker.

Oh yeah, cursing. Cursing. In between the jokes. That kind of, kind of does. That's a little sophisticated for him. A motherfucking genie promises a fucking cunt.

Nigga, man. Two wishes. The man says, kike. Shit-ho, cock-sucker, nigga. I wish I could be hard at all times and get

faggots. I want the genie cunt. Dyke. Your wish is my command. And poof. The fucking

juggle bunny turns into a toilet. See, now we missed the whole joke. A little confused about which of those curse words belonged in the joke and which didn't. All right, well. He wanted it to be hard all the time and get all the asses he wanted to do at toilet.

How? He's cured. I knew that would work. Natasha, you're a genius. I'm stepping aside as a comedy tutor. All right, so why don't we take a break when we come back. We'll have a little more of Natasha Legerro, a little more Harris Whittles, and more of King George. This is

the girl on the flying trapeze. We'll be right back. She's the sweetest thing that's ever flown in with a breeze. And if you see her tell her that

I'm in love with her. She's the girl on the flying trapeze. She's the sweetest thing that's ever flown in with a breeze. And if you see her tell her that

she's the girl on the flying trapeze. She's the sweetest thing that's ever flown in with a breeze. And if you see her tell her that I'm in love with her.

She's the girl on the flying trapeze. Hey! She's the girl on the flying trapeze. Whoa!

When I close my eyes I see her there swinging through my dreams and I want so bad to tell her, yeah how I really feel She's the girl

on the flying trapeze. She's the girl on the flying trapeze. All right, this is Comedy Death Ray Radio. I am Hots Osterman and

we're here with Natasha Legerro, Harris Whittles, and King George the it six. Sorry, I'm stuttering, the six. Six. It's very frustrating for me when you answer for me. All right,

specifically the entertainment news. There's a fellow named Charlie Sheen, maybe you guys have heard of him who is out there growing out and being crazy, right? Right, Natasha? I think he's in the midst of a manic episode

and he just happened to do a self-appointed press junket during his manic episode. He's been doing a lot of press lately and what I thought was really interesting, I kind of wondered if this was the first time in history that entertainment history, at least,

that something like this had ever happened and I found out that no, it is not. I actually was digging through previous episodes of Comedy Death Ray Radio from the 40s when my grandfather used to do it and my grandfather, Scott, of course we all know I am Hots Osterman,

but Scott Ockerman used to... It was back in his hot saucer scene and he had to change it. Scott Ockerman the first, he used to host the show and back in 1949 I found this clip of an interview he did with Jimmy Stewart.

Take a listen to this interview here. I welcome to Comedy Death Ray Radio. Today we have Jimmy Stewart on the show to address the controversy between him and Frank Capron on the set of It's a Wonderful Life. I don't know what a controversy is, I'm just hitting my marks

and delivering gold. I have the focus of a Vatican assassin, Scott Tiger Blood a duh a wedding. Well, Jimmy, Capra says that you come to work every day hungover from having

partied all night. Frank Capra more like Franco Caprolini you know what I mean he's a hadega he's a wop he's a mozzarella head he's a spaghetti sucker

sure I've been partying about this because I live in a different, a terrestrial realm than you. I'm a warlock I'm a grand wizard master aren't you worried though that your behavior will keep it's a wonderful life from being completed? Maybe it'll be complete if I have to do it myself

that daigo can't stop me I'm a heat-seeking missile I will destroy you to feed this is not an option a duh a wedding a winner I can turn Capra's tin cans

into pure gold I love with violence and I hate with violence resentment is the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber it fuels my battle cry to my deadly and dangerous secret and silent soldiers

because they're all around you you think you're only messed with one dude? sorry no I'm a war I'm winning wow I can't believe you found that

I can't believe I even thought to look for it let alone find it King George what'd you think about that? I found it very entertaining now into the door and close it I found it

very into the door and close it I like the spirit he says all the things that we are afraid to say that we're what? afraid to say well it's just funny to me

so what do you think is funny about it? just like the crashing and burning of a man do you think he's crashing and burning? some might say he's more popular than ever yeah but he's low handing out it's not a good type of publicity

well I don't know if three weeks ago he had joined twitter he never would have gotten a million followers but the promise of him kind of just like being real well that's like what's the mark of success is it twitter followers or is it nasal cartilage and the ability to live

that is an excellent point thank you the ability to live makes you a success I mean then you would say almost everyone on the planet is a success that's a beautiful way to look at it Scott I don't think he's on cocaine

that is crazy I think he's just done Adderall or something well Adderall essentially is that have you ever tried Adderall? that amps you up try that with alcohol I do

it's fun to do list then you do all the stuff on the to do list what's the deal with your drug usage what is your drug? well I took a lot of mushrooms on New Year's Eve and at a fish concert

where did you take them? it was at fish you went to a fish concert? I went to three I didn't know you were into fish this is an important part of his character yeah really?

yeah it's insane I don't understand that kind of music where you just kind of like there's no songs you just kind of follow the music where do you follow them to? it's just like this like jam band right? yeah they kind of jam out

and they just sort of like noodle around and they go I don't want to turn this into why are the noodles the noodles in the music I can't see now I'm not judging you I would like to actually experience it

I've never seen it there's a few grateful dead songs I like half full of rain is what it's called box of rain that's a nice one I like when there's songs all fish songs are songs in a regular song someone would have a guitar solo

they just do that for a long time and then what do you do while they're doing it? you be on mushrooms you be on mushrooms? and that helps you in what way do you think? is it like being stoned? does your mind open? I've gone to concerts just like stoned too

I also went to 20 of them sober because I was like I just want to hear the music and then I was like I have to get but I do really like them do you like follow the actual tour bus like on the interstate? no you just go from city to city what can I always think?

honking at it the whole entire way some people follow them and don't even go to the concerts and just like following them that is true people just hang out on the lot and sell grilled cheese sandwiches that's what my brother did he sold grilled cheese at the Grateful Dead gubaos

ganja gubaos that's another thing because they can't afford always to get into the show because that would be a lot of money right? right and none of them do anything with their lives ever so they just follow them around every single fish head that has ever existed you are the most successful

well actually I'd say and I don't mean nasal cartilage and being alive I mean monetarily I would say Bill Walton who is he? he's on the Lakers

Fred Savage I saw him I didn't see him at a fish show just one though? do they have box seats for the successful fish? no he was right next to me and my friends so Fred Savage gets into why would you want to sit in a box?

well so say Fred Savage gets into fish right? he has to go to a concert knowing that he's got to be next to a bunch of shirtless dudes who are on mushrooms who are going to recognize him from the wonder years you think he'd want a VIP fish section?

yeah I don't know there's only two people with jobs though I think the people are pretty nice at those shows and they don't really bother him my friends actually were bothering him and he moved your friends were and your friends are probably the coolest people there thank you

that was really nice I'm sorry I have a very negative view of that band I should open my mind can we play a song? Conan O'Brien he likes him I saw him at a fish show there's a big difference between seeing someone he's been to a few I think he actually likes them

okay wait such a feral mix of people though you need to run what song you're going to play by me no no no we're just going to play whatever comes up every band you like has a shitty song though there's going to be slapping bass I already feel

alright here we go slapping bass this is fish with Waste live Waste it's like a fucking ballad this is a piss break song for me you have to piss a lot when you go see fish

is that par for the course how can you break your piss can we hear another song I can't believe this is the one that is chosen girls like this song I can do it without the hurrah hurrah don't be an actor

don't what damn don't want to be a writer with my thoughts out on the page oh dear don't want to be a painter who's writing they write on mushrooms

don't want to be anything can I call time out that was the worst lyric I've ever heard give me three other songs that are on there because that's really not representative of what they do well let's do a jukebox story with us what would you

how would you critique that being a theater critic I would say that makes me wish I don't know had archer syndrome where you immediately go deaf whenever you hear something that's unpleasant

I would like her to hear a song that hold on we're still critiquing this one King George what was the name of it Waste that's what I thought it was those are bad lyrics though so hold on do we have a Natasha do you give a

that's what I was saying that's their fucking ballad do you give it mustard or pants I would say pants but I do want to hear a good okay so pants King George mustard and then Harris what do you got I gotta defend it what does Jack think about it

slam hi Jack would you give that mustard or pants I thought it was pretty okay great all right so let's get Harris back here and then we'll do what's what's one what do we have next engineer this is ghost parenthesis jam

all right you forgot to say that that was very important reminds me of a state fair here they can play this is like that Seinfeld base is this the same guy who did the Seinfeld theme song I would rather listen to this than the

red hot chili peppers though this is actually a very good sound I can see how you can get into the jam it's like jazz or something like it repeats the motifs that's a little gay yeah that's spacey though

if you're like whatever you don't have to be fucked up to like it but if you are fucked up then you like it I could see how you could connect to that music you could connect to that music you could what music do you jump to I think in order for me to like something it has to have

some pop structure like a hook and a chorus a hook and a chorus but nothing that's like overproduced like all the music now oh so all the compression whatever they're doing auto tune yeah I like something that's kind of raw

with guitars and has some a hook uh huh raw guitars and hook so what is your favorite my favorite what that's not like the Beatles or something um I mean I think

nobody has a favorite song there's two kinds of music good music and bad music my favorite song is bat dance we all know that from the bat dance soundtrack the one person I would go see is Morrissey and I know that does not explain that doesn't really okay let's get a Morrissey song

and then Harris can critique that but the Smiths would be the best I like the Smiths so I wish who do you like that I hate let's do that we probably have similar taste in music right we both love fish I don't love fish

that is a it's a weird thing about you Harris that most people who know you it's very surprising yeah you like something so shitty you have such great taste in everything but jokes and music that comprise who I am those lyrics

Harris those were those were wretched those well yeah they yeah I'm not gonna defend those lyrics I think that's a pretty like whatever they should have been singing about being the last of the international playboys that's like

if you were to say like if you were to introduce someone to the Beatles and then Doug played fucking Octopus's that would have been the equivalent of that so if you're saying that Octopus's Garden is what a bat song it's not a great Beatles song that's my second favorite song

it goes bat dance we should be talking about your weird taste in music and do the Bartman those are the three the triumvirate I'd say my favorite song is the Macarena really that's a great one

it's my favorite dance do people really have favorite songs yeah I think so King George what do you got yeah who let the dogs out out out who let the dogs out I haven't heard that one

it's a funny parody of who let the dogs out so it's in the middle of singing who let the dogs out the singer stubs his toe yes it's a very alright well we've learned a lot about

everyone's music out that's good yeah alright so what did we give that last one mustard or pants by the way what's tell me what mustard is just pants

pants and King George mustard pants Harris we know what you give it yeah can we hear I like when Doug votes because he says mustard with a Z okay let's hear it

mustard mustard why do you say that way Doug because I like mustard was it oscar worthy alright so why don't we take a break when we come back we'll play a little game this is Natasha

Harris widdles and King George the sixth yes and actually let's play let's play this one and alright so this is a comedy together we'll be right back everyone in town is if you got a drink well you're drinking down then we're gonna go have

six well I just rode into town on my horse you bet you're on my horse now that's the thing in the old best times everybody enjoys the good news get thrown out right out the saloon door

come back in and buy a round of whiskey guess what all he's forgiveness you're calamity jade and you're another guy that's probably an engine this whisk is one oh no much that smells like piss

so that's a story the whole wild west is no place for a lady I'm the bartender for the most so the mayor so just put that in okay that is a lonely island and this is comedy death row radio

I am a hot sauce for men this is Natasha zero Harris riddles King George the sixth and I think it's time to play a little would you rather oh this is for me this is for me make a speech go make a speech

where's the red light alright we all know how this is played people send us would you rather scenarios on our new Twitter account it's at CDR WIR and I will read them and then I will open the floor for questions

and then I will close the floor then we'll vote and we'll tally up the points that's pretty self-explanatory right now have you played this before when you had me two years ago as a guest oh come on now you know I've been trying to get you back on this show

oh yeah that's true I forgot you're very busy I mean after last comic standing you're touring exploded I've been touring the provinces is that what they're called you're going to Providence I'm giving the rubes a laugh and getting out it's the worst

are you on the road a lot now yeah not right now but I was for a while now I'm taking a break I'm in town did you bring a feature act with you I do why do you want to come sometime you'd be perfect sure let's do it I mean not that you should be featuring but I could

alright so first comes to us from Jay Dallas Razo Josh Dallas Razo who asks would you rather be the new lead singer of the Beatles or eat a shrimp when anyone says the word

manager would you rather be the lead singer of the the new lead singer of the Beatles or eat a shrimp when anyone says the word manager I am opening the floor for questions right I'm sorry I'm going to have to dock you points for that Harris for asking before the floor was opened

question yes Harris or is this Jack when anyone that I hear says manager or anyone in the world at any time says manager I have to eat a shrimp great question unfortunately it's anytime anyone in the world says manager so that could be upwards of 3,000 shrimp

it could be but this is only English speaking countries so one would assume Canada the United States of America certain parts of other countries have little English speaking hovels in them but ahh

so to answer your question before King George steps in here any English speaking ok other question or were you just clearing your throat I was great Britain perhaps yes great Britain

would be that's not really a question Natasha yes well I love shrimp however it's not a question but go on oh I was going to give my answer oh no no no no I'm so very sorry if you do that we will have to it'll be a forfeit

then I would like to do that if I were to be I don't want to play this game no no it's very funny it's a tough one if I were to be the new singer for the Beatles yes the Beatles what goes now

would they my stammer make the songs longer no they would write their new songs of course if you were the lead singer of the new Beatles they wouldn't just rest on their laurels and go around touring old songs they would write new songs

and they would write the songs long enough to incorporate your stammers it's almost like what fish does I want to hold guitar solos or whatever the fuck he does they're a lot like stammers and the band fish

just sort of writes around them so when I stammer it's really noodling yeah exactly a lot of the songs would incorporate those into it so have no fear I have a question is this shrimp 18 count per pound

or 24 count per pound great question 18 yeah they're a smaller shrimp so take that into account can I peel them great question you do have to peel them yes no and you would have to de-brine them as well

if you're into that unless you want to eat a lot of shrimp poo would Linda McCartney be playing Triangle great question she would come back to life Linda McCartney yes she would come back to life

and she would be very grateful because he has been without her for so long and she would be relegated to the triangle and you would be singing I wouldn't be upstaged by her triangle no no no no

and what's it called her rebirth or what is it called when you rise from the deck her rejuvenation I guess reanimation thank you you would not be upstaged by that she would literally be downstage of you

if the shrimp would I be able to dip it in cock tail sauce no just cock oh absolutely yeah Martin Lawrence would get in there too

there would be some corn on that shrimp and yeah everything would be shrimp Harris if we were short if we were getting the Beatles back together it seems you'd have you as the lead singer you'd have

the cute one you'd have Ringo the drummer and you'd have Linda playing Triangle if Linda can come back from the dead why can't John that's a ridiculous question come on Natasha can we get Pete Best back in

that's a great question Billy Preston he was the fifth Beatle so you have what's the lineup you got Ringo and Pete Best doing double drums almost like the Foo Fighters when Dave Grohl would get behind the kick we're like the Grateful Dead

George Burns you'd have George Burns from the Sergeant Pepper movie he'd be in there you'd have Billy Preston on Oregon Linda Picartney on Triangle Paul on bass and then whoever you are singing

sounds like a hot mess and are we singing new songs that we help write or are we just redoing some old songs in fact you will not play any of your old catalog because you're the new Beatles all new songs you're billed as the new Beatles

exactly with Todd Rungren singing instead so it's a great band and everyone goes to see their first tour oh wow this is a really hard question because two great choices

any other questions on either the eating a shrimp about manager or or the Beatles does it have to be like any kind of manager like the manager of a gift shop or just like Hollywood kind of managers great question it's any kind of manager and anytime anyone says one because there's a lot of self-appointed managers

what if someone's saying manager's sarcastic yeah no that does not count if they're saying who's your manager do we have to eat anything if someone says manager around Christmas time that could be a problem yeah I would say no

alright I'm gonna close the floor for questions and it is closed and now let's go around the horn and see how you vote Natasha how do you like to vote which one would I rather do that is essentially how you play the game I would rather I think I'm gonna have to say I'd rather be in the Beatles in the new Beatles

and why is that because I like shrimp but I could just buy my own and eat it whenever I want and eat less of it and then not get sick of it and not have to you know be around when people are talking about their manager

that's an interesting way to vote unfortunately there is no shrimp in this world when you're the singer of the new Beatles but oh well you didn't ask that question can I go back no unfortunately you've already voted how do you like to vote

for the same changer you can't use that man that's mine that is mine only you can use it I don't want to live in a shrimpless world hmm hmm hmm

hmm I guess I'm gonna say shrimp I'm gonna eat the shrimp whenever someone says manager because I feel like I never get tired of shrimp it's just great finger foods I'd say the greatest

and and I think that being forced to eat it is already a sexual fetish of mine and so you walk around with a boner all day well yeah exactly just like 24-7 Bonesville I love that R.E.M. song

don't go back to Bonesville show running the TV show Bones okay great King George the sixth eat the shrimp every time someone says man

manager mangy mangy mangy dog every time someone says mangy dog why is that because I am the king of England and with that power I can disband the Beatles the new Beatles

the new Beatles I have power alright so we have one for the Beatles two for manager okay let's tell you at the points Harris I had to doc you Natasha you voted incorrectly King George you are the winner of that round

we have one more question this comes to us from Jesse Sacks or socks I'm not sure is it spelled S-O-C-K-S no it's S-A-C-H-S cause then it would be socks right I think it's Sacks

whether it be John Belushi's ghost or Jim Belushi's couch alright let's open up the floor for questions would the ghost be played by Chickas so wait you're asking if you would be

a ghost played by Chickas I don't know how that makes any sense but yes yes it would and he would but he would be portraying it in his three stooges curly makeup

from the TV movie the three stooges Harris is this the couch in Jim's dressing room or at home this is the couch on the set of his TV show that he takes with him

he's on the defenders now but he took the couch with him a lot of people don't notice that no one's talking about it he brought his couch from according to Jim to the defenders all in the family they donated that couch to the Smithsonian or the chair

Jim Belushi the Smithsonian asked him for that couch and he said no I need it on the defenders playing hardball on that huh if I was the couch would I be able to keep the change that fell into the cushions great question yes you'd keep

all of Jim Belushi's extra Blues Brothers money that falls out you'd be able to keep it and then spend it at wherever okay well building on that is it a couch that's the size of the couch was in Gallagher's old special where he jumped on the giant couch

and if so could I keep the giant potato chip condom and crayon that he found in that cushion great questions to answer them both a no b yes great would the ghost

be changed from you know like did he learn from his mistakes that's great so like exactly like he was in the 80s like a Christmas Carol type thing where he he comes back after having viewed what he did wrong if it could

like am I going to be a bit yeah if a ghost does cocaine does it fall through his nose well see in Harris's view of is he a success he is not on both levels he has no nasal cartilage and he is not alive so he has to live with

himself being unsuccessful in that in that regard but he does learn from his mistakes yes okay he is able to as a ghost travel from plane to plane and room to room and use what he learned in order to try to make his loved ones

better people and can other people see him occasionally I have I have a question yes can I as the ghost of John Belushi show my brother Jim Belushi that I am present by sliding a penny up a door and then

slow dancing with him great question I was wondering when you were going to ask that that is the only way that Jim Belushi will ever acknowledge your existence is by slow dance yeah penny slow dancing constantly slow dance with my brother well you have to constantly do the penny as well

every time that you want to talk to Jim so eventually you just go you know what Jim as great as he is he's got a great couch a lot of blues brothers money falling out but I just can't hang out with him anymore this whole penny slow dancing stick is just really getting all right yeah so that is part of this

unfortunately you lose touch with your brother Jim that's a plus any other questions here on any of the Natasha you look like you have something on your mind I mean I just it's is the ghost wearing a toga

which would be confusing since ghost normally where she eats but Belushi had a toga yeah that is a great quote from animal house he was wearing a toga so be a toga over a sheet yeah it's he wears both yeah he wears a toga over a sheet

and then when people say hey aren't you from animal house he takes off the toga and people go ah it's a ghost does that make sense good strategy really is if I'm John Belushi can I go back to SNL yes of course in fact

you're so popular on it that Lorne Michael's institutes a only ghost policy on SNL so you have the ghost of John Belushi can I fuck the ghost of Gildan Radner oh by all means you're expected to finally so Gildas

back John's back you know you got Terry Sweeney Terry Sweeney's back Dana Carvey's back Victoria Jackson Victoria Jackson's back the ghost of her sense of humor a Whitney Brown a Whitney Brown's there

yeah it's a good and how about Nora Dunn Nora Dunn's back anyone who is dead now is back yeah Ellen Clegghorn Clegghorn's back yeah they're all back okay alright so I'm gonna close the oh you have one more Ellen Clegghorn is back

Ellen Clegghorn is back yes that maybe mitigates it a little bit for you alright closing the floor for questions let's start with Harris how do you like to vote um god who wants to be a couch

I'll go with I'm gonna be the ghost he gets to go back and fucking go back to SNL and everything with Clegg's with Clegg's yep alright Natasha how do you like to vote it just seems too painful to be Belushi

so I'm gonna have to say the couch couching it up I'm just gonna be a couch I wish I asked if you have the brain that you have now as the couch cause you could just relax unfortunately you have a bigger brain oh you're the couch yeah couch size brain

you have more self awareness yeah but you're a couch yeah exactly it's not like the dinosaurs where they had a peanut size brain you have a giant couch size brain we're actually the smartest sentient being in the world when you're the couch because you have a couch size brain I'm just gonna say the couch because I feel like

did you hear what he just said Natasha yeah but whatever whenever you guess the one it's supposed to be then he says it's wrong I don't know that that's true I mean it's just it is what it is okay uh King George how do you like to vote I'm going to be the couch because I cannot stand

Ellen Clegg oh wow I'm getting a strong feeling on that alright let's tally up the points on that we had two for the couch and unfortunately the the ghost was the right answer on that

so Harris you have won that round and King George because Harris answered or asked that question too quickly he was disqualified and got minus a million points for that so yeah that still puts

me over by a million I had two million you had two million but then you're minus a million but he got one right so it's one million and one so congratulations King George I am the king he's the big winner and that is how you play

would you rather is this for me defend the moat alright and that is going to do it for this show other than of course the most popular segment the one that Harris loves so much

it is time for a little thing we call plugs that was a nice one that is submitted by Alec Ogston that was good Alec we've had some really good plug songs lately of course if you have one please submit it to our

Facebook page under the plugs thread in the discussion forums and let's go around the horn what do you have Natasha what do you have coming up well I do do my own podcast called the lavender hour lavender hour with Duncan Trussell it's a very funny and charming podcast

it's a salon style super show where we get into conversation mostly Duncan talks about the singularity salon style super shows okay good now it's really funny do you have guests or is it always just kind of the two of you

we had Reggie Watts a couple weeks ago and Tim Highdecker and we've had a lot of guests and you guys are kind of rising up the charts I saw this week you're getting more and more popular and more people listening to it we have very articulate fans really that's amazing I've never seen such an intelligent message board

lavenderhour.com come on by the ear wolf message word sometimes yeah seriously you'll see how the other half lives third world country I love our fans there I actually enjoy our message words when I have a special coming up on Comedy Central

March 25th March 25th and what's it called well my album is called Coke Money it drops the same day and then the special is just me Natasha is it a present yes do you know who you're paired with

or who's going up that Harris what do you got knock creek slam sit you should oil that door hey Jack Carl's lumber

okay I'm out of here hey Harris okay Harris is stealthy the silent killer I go in through the window um I uh oh my band don't stop Roll Day who you

play sometimes on this show I like that band thank you endorsed by Natasha just now we're playing at the meltdown gallery our own show on Saturday April 23rd we'll have some special guests and stuff there's a lot of time to prepare for that

talk about power pop and great hooks thank you yeah it's very strange that you're in a good band and the band that you like so much is so terrible well they're our biggest influence so I guess you like fish Paul Russ doesn't like fish

loves them that's not true I can't throw him under the bar so there's that April 23rd meltdown gallery and also humble brag follow that on twitter do with that no I'm just a fan I'm a fan too that thing's hilarious great stuff all right King George what do you

I will be middling on the road for Natasha I don't think that's gonna no darling darling that's not gonna happen we'll see and um I'm on a weekly show called the back room on yaoi.com you can find out more about it on

Matt Bessar Bessar Moroccan okay Matt Bessar.com I would imagine I have a lot of plugs important I usually have nothing but I have a ton of shows coming up so I do

want to talk about tonight March 14th if you're listening to this on March 14th you may be listening to it in the future I'm doing a show that Natasha is in Tom Lennon and Ben Garant show at Senna Family it's part of the comedy death ray movie series we'll be showing something that has never been

seen before you can't say what it is I'm sorry there a pilot will be dropping you off from your private jet is there a helipad at Senna's base and then I have some south by southwest shows coming up this Saturday March 12th

we have two comedy death ray shows this Sunday March 13th comedy death ray radio taping at Esther's Follies in Austin at 6 p.m. and I have a great guest and there is a clue hidden in this show about who the guest is and I can't say who it is yet

but it's fantastic I've been trying to have him on the show since the beginning and then I'm doing another show another comedy death ray show at the ISC lounge on Tuesday March 14th sorry Tuesday March 15th and then if you're in Chicago we're doing a comedy death ray with Patton Oswalt and Joe Mandy and Dan Telfer

I'm hosting Friday March Friday March 18th at C2E2 the Connecon just announced doing Sasquatch the Scott Ackerman and Paul F. Tompkins show tickets are sold out but we will be doing that and you can see me on IFC this week with Andy Dick and that's it

we did it I gotta say Scott that was the best round of plugs I've ever heard you're going on a real tour mini yeah like a little mini thing that's cool you know come out and say hi Sasquatch is awesome

that's the one in Seattle right there's an amazing musical festival that happens where you get to watch from the stage yeah yeah I'm really looking forward to it and Paul and I have something special planned for it it's gonna be really fun and I want to thank my guests Natasha thank you so much for coming back it's been two years

and it really hasn't been and I know I've been gone so great to be back Harris I can't wait to see which way the poles go yeah next time you see me if it'll be phone corner lumberjack or if at all that's another option yeah sure and King George thank you so much

it's good it was good to be black black is that what you want to say it's good to be black it's good to be black I'm proud to be black y'all it's a fact y'all alright guys thank you so much and

that's it and next week we'll be doing the live South by Southwest show that'll drop on Monday with the special guest so we'll see you next week thanks bye bye I'm Jeff Ulrich and Scott Ockerman for more information visit earwolf.com earwolfradio boom.com

the wolf dead it's like getting to listen in behind the scenes here at earwolf starting January 21st earwolf presents will have a bunch of new pilots for you like Edgar Monplacers the wokest catch conversations between the wokest man in the world and comedians like Riza Lechea

also here upcoming pilots the Florida cast wow you're Native American too this weekend sports and Carl alarm all throughout the month let us know what you think of them with hashtag earwolf presents subscribe to earwolf presents to hear more great episodes from around the network and behind the

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