Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Paul F. Tompkins, Will Hines

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

Paul F. Tompkins joins Scott this week to discuss his upcoming "Varietourpia" comedy tour, the best The Who song, and what time is the middle of the night. Then, inker Guy Foreman stops by for a pleasurable conversation about his work in comic books, and comic book mogul extraordinaire Ben Jammin visits to share about his movie cameos.  Go to paulftompkins.com/live for cities and tickets for "Varietourpia."  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

Don't hate the player or hate the game. I invented this game and I worked really hard. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Popcorn Pigeon for that. Isn't that cute? Popcorn Pigeon. I wonder if that's a pigeon made of popcorn or a pigeon that eats popcorn exclusively. I think it's like popcorn chicken, but it's pigeon.

Oh, interesting. Yes. Popcorn chicken. That's a- The San Francisco treat. Yep. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. Thank you.

This is, of course, the podcast that is the San Francisco treat. No, is that for real? That is for real. Yeah, our biggest city is San Francisco. What does that mean? The biggest city in the world is San Francisco. So what does that mean? Uh, the biggest city in the world is San Francisco. Okay. That's what I thought you meant. Yeah.

And I agree. Yes. Um, welcome to comedy bang bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have a great show coming up a little later. We have someone who works in the illustrated medium. Uh, and that will be very exciting, but before we get to them, let us turn to our guest of honor. He's on this show very exciting. But before we get to them, let us turn to our guest of honor.

He's on this show very rarely, only usually around two times a year, two holidays. Christmass. That's right, the Mass of Christ. And Wet Day, which is coming up in about a month. Yes. But he's here early. Yeah.

He decided to swing by the studio here, not like Spider-Man certainly, you weren't literally swinging, or Tarzan. Tarzan. Who are the famous swingers? Spider-Man, Tarzan. The... Pitfall Harry.

The Ice Storm couples. The Ice Storm couples. Uh, Jon Favreau in that one movie. Oh, wait, oh yes. I, my mind went to Jon Favreau playing Tarzan. I was like, what? Sure, why not? George of the... George of the... I can't even say what George was of. I'm so excited. Brendan Fraser. People were like, what if Tarzan was silly? Yeah. And that's how we got George of the Jungle.

That's how we did. Like, you could do that with almost anything, is turn a cartoon... Cartoon? This, by... Now you could turn a cartoon into silliness. We should mention that this is the earliest we've ever recorded.

Is that true? Uh, no. I do believe that I may have recorded an episode at 9 a.m. once, but this is, I don't believe I've spoken today to anyone other than my daughter. And I was saying goo goo gaga. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cause she don't talk. In order to communicate.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. So the mouth is. You ever talk to a baby like, you ever talk to a baby like, you ever talk to a baby like, hey, what's going on? And then the baby's like, oh, goo, goo, goo, goo. This is a good chunk of material. Thank you. I'm not a parent, but I do have material about little kids.

You should do a 10-minute chunk on, I'm not a parent, but I have material on how to interact with kids. It becomes the famous name of the bit. Yes. Um, speaking of famous names, he has one. Please welcome back Paul F. Tompkins. Hello. How are you?

Now, Scott, you and I are dear friends. Yes. And here we are friends do a lot of deer. Yes. That's what I meant. Now, how many are you up to? Uh, one and a half. I've like met the second one, but we're not friends. You're acquaintances with another deer.

I am work friends with two deer and very good friends with one. Okay, so you're on your way. So we're good friends with the same amount of deer. Yes. But we have some others in play. Yes, although you said one and a half and I said, I named three deer. You did, but I don't count your work friends as actual friends. You count two work friends as one friend. I don't, I-

As a half a friend. I wouldn't even, to say they're even a half, I would say they're point ones. Wow. Now you were going to say, I wouldn't dirty my mouth with saying, is that, am I reading? I was not going to say that. You were not going to say that.'t dirty my mouth with saying, am I reading? I was not going to say that. You were not going to say that. No, I was not.

Would you? I was not going to dirty my mouth with saying that you have several friends. Anyway, but we are dear friends. What were you about to say about that? And so you're kind enough to have me on your show an extra time. It was a real favor. For both of us. It truly was.

Like you did me a favor by agreeing to do a show and then I did you explain what we're doing here today. Folks, we're here today because- We are gathered here today. Did you ever love it? Yes, please. Do it like Prince. We are here today because I have something to promote.

Now, normally the first people that I talk to on the show are people who come here with projects. Yeah, but famous people. Sure, last week we had- Doing things that people wanna see. Yeah, we had Ioni Skye, who is a famous movie actress. She's here promoting a book. So she kinda counts as author. As I've talked about in the past, famous movie actress, and I was here promoting a book.

So this kind of counts as author. As I've talked about in the past, the hierarchy of good podcast guests. Absolutely. Movie star. Number one with a bullet. We love them. TV star. We'll take them.

Sure. We watch, yeah, we like TV. We like TV. Don't we folks? Thirdly. Comedian? Comedian, yeah. I'll take'll take comedian because they're out there touring. And they're doing something entertaining.

Yeah. Uh, Tony award winners. We've had them. Oh, sure. We've had them. We'll take them. Yeah. Under that we have authors.

We're getting dicey here. Yeah. And then way down at the bottom. Podcast. Yeah. And wait, you fit in, you're a comedian. Yes. So you're up there.

You're not as bad as Arthur. Right. But you're not as good as a movie star. You should star in movies. I'm not as good as a TV star. No, yeah, you should at least be in one movie that is just, you're above the title. Above the title? Yeah. God damn. I think everyone deserves that. Everyone in the world should have one movie that is just you're above the title. I think above the title.

Yeah. God damn. I think everyone deserves that. Everyone in the world should have one movie that they started. I think that's nice. I think sure. Everyone deserves that. But I feel like you're, you're, it can be an independent film.

Some, it can be like a major Hollywood blockbuster, but every single person in the world deserves one movie about them. You're laying something out that I think is going to be difficult for me to achieve in the amount of time that I've left on earth. I think you can do it. How long do movies only take three months to film? Can I tell you, I, for this, for this venture

that I'm here to promote, uh, I talk to the venture brothers, which I've done voices for the Venture Brothers. Yes, you have. Blue Morpho most famously. Blue Morpho. Yeah. As someone who doesn't know what the Venture Brothers even is, I find that fascinating. Now you think it's sort of like the Girl Scouts and they sell cookies.

Yes, of course. Did you bring some cookies today? I always bring cookies. Of course. Listen to Freedom for some more information about that. Tyco, of course. Did you bring some cookies today? I always bring cookies. Of course. Listen to Freedom for some more information about that. Tyco, of course. Um, but yeah. I trip out on that. So do you remember Tyco? No, I don't.

They made the slot cars. Oh yeah, of course. And then how could I forget Tyco? They would end their commercials with Tyco. Of course. Of course we exist. That's sort of like a tagline you'd have for an actual car company. That was like, we're releasing our latest model.

Of course. Of course. And are they still around Tycho? I'm going to look this up. That's a good question. While you further elaborate on exactly what you're here. Slot cars, the biggest promise to the smallest payoff. Hey, I'm on their Wikipedia page and I would say the

third word tells you exactly what you need to know about Tyco. Tyco Toys was an American toy manufacturer. It was acquired by Mattel in 1997, becoming one of its brands. They did such a great job with it. It no longer exists. Thanks Matt such a great job with it. No longer exists. Thanks Mattel. Nice work, Mattel. In any case, yes.

Um, I find the, I, just so everyone knows, I'm the person who immediately gets on Wikipedia when a celebrity dies to change it. You're the person. Oh, okay. Yes. I once, I don't think I was watching the race, but some famous race car driver died and I was watching a live television event and, and it had happened within 30 seconds.

And I went on the Wikipedia page and it had already been changed. Who are, that was you. That was me. Why do you do this? But because it's people, it needs to be updated. It's honoring the person who's died. That's true. That is a good point. I mean, it needs to be accurate.

When you die, and God, I pray it soon, would you- What? Oh, I meant the opposite. So Satan, what's the opposite of I? Satan, you, what's the opposite of pray? Despair. Satan, you despair. It isn opposite of pray? Despair. Satan, you despair, it isn't. It's a lie. Satan, you despair, it's a lie.

A lie is the opposite of soon? Oh, I don't know how truth got in there somewhere. Satan, I despair, it isn't far away. That still means exactly what you said. You're just talking to a different person. Satan, I despair, it is far away. But is is not the opposite of is. That's a good point. Unless you're talking to Bill Clinton, am I right? But if you were to die, you wouldn't want people to go around thinking that you're still alive, would you?

I want some kind of cushion for the pushin'. Sure, do you, Bill Clinton? You know what I mean? Wait, is that another one of his famous quotes? It kind of sounds like that would be something that he coined. More cushion for the pushin'. Why is Bill always talking about this stuff?

Ass, grass, or gas, no one rides for free. There's a lot of things that make sense that he would say. But I kind of want some, I want a day cushion where everyone kind of, I think the sadness that would overtake America if they all found out at the same time, much like how we found out Tom Hanks had COVID. Oh, so you want your death to be a sort of Juneteenth situation. I don't know what you mean by that. We celebrate when the last person finds out

that you have died. Yes, thank you. I need something to soften the blow for everyone who's going to be sad. Hmm. Why don't you try softening the word soften? Because I pronounced the T. Soften.

Which you believe should be silent. Yes. Oh, maybe it should be silent on silent. Oh, I don't mind that. Silent. Silent. Silent. Silence.

I demand you be silent. Silent, Raider. I demand you be silent. Activate. Oh my God, silence. Should all T's be silent? Yeah. Yeah.

So it would be. Battlestar. be silent? Yeah. Yeah. So it would be Battlestar. Battlestar Galactica. Galactica. Battlestar. Why are you here? By your command. I am here because I have a tour

that's coming up very soon. Whoa. So you're going to another country and you're taking a tour of's coming up very soon. Whoa, so you're going to another country and you're taking a tour of like... The grand tour. Of Europe, the continent. No. You are a live performer.

Yes, I'm alive. We went out together to do the Comedy Bang Bang Tour last year. So true, bestie. And we had a great time. Now you're back at it this year. Yes. Um, but with a different show.

So you're cheating on me. Now that's not true. We have an open relationship as far as shows are concerned. And Variet- or Varietopia rather is your hall pass. That's correct. I do a show called Varietopia here in Los Angeles. I do it every other month at Lodge Room, California. And describe this show because I can't even conceive

of what would happen. Scott, quite simply, it's a variety show. What does that mean? That means many things happen in the show. Many, but when you go see any show, many things happen. You don't go see a show and then like, like you go see a play like Hamilton. Hamilton comes out and does one rap and then just sits there staring at you.

Well, no, no, no. But here's, here's the thing that happens. The one thing that happens. Oh, it's not a bad idea for a show. The Hamilton comes out, does one rap and stares at you. And that's the title. Yes. And then, well, if you're listening and I'm sure you are. This is an idea for a follow-up. Hamilton does one rap and stares at you. You must have one rap you cut out of the show.

Now- You don't even have to write anything new. Now hold on. Is it Hamilton post death? Oh, so he's an angel or devil. Or is it a prequel? Do you become a devil if you go to hell? Yeah.

Of course, it seems then you're like on top of the hierarchy. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. When you go to heaven, you don't become an angel, but you do look like an angel. She looked like an angel. We depict people in heaven, and let's face it, this is in cartoons. Yeah, sure. With halos and wearing gowns and harps and sometimes

wings. But then when people go to hell, they're just like being tormented and they're just humans. But you probably get horns. I hope so. Because it would hurt for them to grow through your flesh. Plus you could like poke Satan in the butt when he tries to stab you with his pitchfork or something. I think that's a bad idea. I think if you're in hell and you're trying to fight back, it's not gonna end well. You're just gonna sit there and take it, you pussy? I think it behooves you to get used to it. Behooves because demons have hooves.

Wonderful, Paul. Wonderful work. And this is why you're one of America's great entertainers. Thank you. And you're out there on the road coming out soon. So let me describe the show. Okay, please. I do some standup. Standup.

There's more. Okay. There are musical guests. are musical guests. Musical guests, Nassim Pedran. Now we have probably talked about this before, but isn't it great that Don Pardo, who always sounded like a ghost, now has become one. Yes, finally he's crossed over

into the realm he was always meant to be. World. I have unfinished business. A bit of boiled potato. Get out of this house. I guess Scrooge said the thing about the underdone potato. But he said a tool ghost. Yeah. So I mean, I can only imagine Jacob Marley came back to heaven and went, this guy thought

I was a bit of underdone potato. And so it counts. What if Jacob Marley goes back and he goes, this guy tried to, he tried to fucking roast me by calling me food. I think he was legitimately scared. I think he was scared. Uh, Scrooge or? No, that's Jacob Marley saying, I think I got him though. I think I got him.

Okay. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't sense you were still in character. That's how good you are. Thank you. And that's what's gonna happen on this big tour. It's a variety show. So there's comedy, there's music,

there's other forms of entertainment. Well, like, like a sports or entertainment sometimes. People- Yeah, in the past we've done the show where we've had a football game. In the middle. Full regulation time, regulation field. And now I'm proud to introduce our next act, football game. Just stay in the middle. Full regulation time, regulation field.

And now I'm proud to introduce our next act, a football game. You're only performing at arenas, right? Well, we have to. Yeah. If we do a football game. Sure. Otherwise, it's in tiny. I will say no football game on this tour.

Ah. Yes. But I don't like to announce who the guests are because I like it to be a surprise. But it's usually the biggest, most famous people in the world. Sure. Usually. Not always, though. Try not to do that.

To get the expectations way too high? Yeah, or say things where I have to say that cool thing that you just said is actually not what's going to happen. Oh, okay. Yeah. I feel like that's working counter to what I'm trying to do. You see that smart list documentary where they, they decided to just take

normal, uh, like dentists as the guests. And the first time they did that, people were pissed. Yeah. I heard about that. Yeah. In any case, that's not what's happening here. You have wonderful comedians, wonderful musicians. Yes.

And maybe I'll do a character. Maybe there'll be a sketch. Okay. I also sing in the show. We have a fantastic band. What's the song in the show that you're talking about? What do you mean? You also sing in the show?

Yeah. In the show, that's where you know that you've got a friend in me. So this is a song you've written for, for Variatorpia. Yeah. In the show, you've got to know that everyone slaps their knee. Cause we've got laughs and music and everything else. Yo, my name is Hamilton and I'm here to sing. Yo, my name is Hamilton.

I'm going to stare at you in an unconventional way. Rap ens. And then just 90 minutes pass. A piercing stare. Yeah. Intermission? Yeah, I think so, but he's still staring during intermission. Here's what I'm worried about.

Yeah. That we know each other so well that you're not treating me seriously as somebody who's trying to promote a show. I would say that I'm treating you as seriously as any guest on this show. I want you to treat me like someone you don't know that well. That I'm nervous they're going to flip out and get upset. Exactly. It's happened. they're going to flip out and get upset.

It's happened. Exactly. Treat me like someone you think doesn't have a sense of humor and you're trying to gently bring me in to the vibe of the show. Let me try to re kind of reconnect my brain wires into doing that. Yeah, reconnect your brain wires. Sure. All right. So reconnect your brain wires.

See now here's the problem. Then you go into this kind of thing. Well, because you're making me feel comfortable. Oh, so. Reconnect your brainwives. See, now here's the problem, then you go into this kind of thing. Well, because you're making me feel comfortable. Oh, good, okay. Anyway, that was a parody of, Nick Lachey, I wanted to say, no, it's Neil Diamond. Nick Lachey! Of course I'm Neil Diamond.

I have a love his brain on the, love his brain on the mind. Love his brain on the mind. Love his blind, blind. Wow. It's early. And of course I'm Nick Lachey, he says. He didn't say it this year. This is what I wanted to ask you about. What are you talking about? This is what I wanted to ask you about. I was watching Love is Blind the other day. The new season, I believe, is completely out at this point. So if I'm spoiling this particular aspect of it, I apologize, but it's your own fault for not watching it. But in previous seasons, he's come out with his wife, Vanessa Lachey, and Vanessa Lachey, the power imbalance, it was like the DC universe. Timbalance.

But she would come out and introduce herself and say, my name is Vanessa Lachey. And then he would say, and of course, I'm Nick Lachey, because he was the bigger star. Now, they are both huge because of Love is Blind. She comes out and says, I'm Vanessa Lachey, and he just sits there and goes, and I'm Nick Lachey. Okay. That he's, I think he's, it's possible that he's putting himself in the co-pilot position and saying like, I mean, if she's Vanessa Lachey, of course you got Nick Lachey here. Every Vanessa has their Nick. Yeah. I see. I think it doesn't really work. I think it's possible, but not probable.

I'll take it. In any case, tell me about this incredible show that you have going out there. It's Varietopia. It is a touring version of Varietopia. That's right. Which is a variety show. You come out, you do stand-up. There are sketches.

Yeah, I do a monologue. There are sketches. Yeah, I do a monologue, there's sketches, there's a musical act who is always somebody really fun and neat doing their own set, and then... Do you have this same musical act on this entire tour, or are you exchanging? Yes, the tour will be the same. Okay, great.

Will be the same lineup for every stop. And let me, I just want to tell you the places I'm going. Oh, the places. Wow. That I will go. Okay, so the, this is gonna be exciting. This is, I don't know that we've ever done this on Comedy Bang Bang. Listed cities. But here's the thing, we have the opportunity to provide some commentary on those cities. That's true. Say the great things about these places. Some of these cities I've never been to before. Wow, we did this on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour last year. We went to tours or cities, I guess you would call them.

Yeah, I would. For the lay person. Yeah. That we had never been to before and it was a thrill. It was a thrill. Yeah. To bring show to a people for the first time. And there were a lot of people who said,

thank you for coming to our particular town. I never thought you would come through here. That's true. And that was wonderful to hear. Penthouse Forum style. No. I never thought. And then they would tell us

about their sexual encounters with random strangers. Yeah, usually at work. With their hot boss. And they all ended with, and this ended with someone calling HR. Yeah. And we all lost our jobs. That's right. We all lost our jobs. And the business went under like Tyco toys.

We're starting April 23rd. We're going to be in Iowa city, Iowa. Never been there before. Incredible. I away. Iowa city. I don't, I don't believe I've ever even been to Iowa city, let alone have done a show, let alone opened a tour there. But Iowa, of course, very dear to us

because of the music, man. That's right, yes. There's nothing halfway about that way of thinking. Of course not. So Iowa City, you're out there in April. Yeah. Wow. What a time to be in Iowa City.

Can you imagine? It's just like in the songs. April showers may be occurring, which of course bring May flowers. That's right. So then I'll tell you when I'm in May, with the cities in May, all those. Of course, yeah. I'm talking about... St. Paul, Minnesota.

Love it. Of course. I mean, your name is right there in the city. I don't like to say this, but obviously that's why I like the city. And of course, that's a wonderful theater. I know where you're playing. Oh, yes you do, baby. We played there last year.

That's right. And great theater and what a time. Now, you and I, at the Fitzgerald Theater, you and I have both performed there separately and together. Yes, that's right. And they do a thing where the um, the, the back wall of the theater of the stage is a brick wall and you get to sign the bricks.

That's right. Now you and I separately signed bricks there and I believe you wrote Macbeth. I think I wrote Six... Six Tempered Tyrannus. And I wrote Macbeth. Yes, that's right. So two things you're not supposed to say in the

theater. I mean, you can say Six Tempered Tyrannus. Six Tempered Tyrannus. And I wrote Macbeth. Yes, that's right. So two things you're not supposed to say in the theater. I mean, you can say Six Tempered Tyrannus in the theater, but. You really shouldn't. You really shouldn't. That one guy ruined it for everybody. Everyone wanted to say it so much. To be fair, you can say Death to Tyrants. Yeah, I would say it in English.

Yeah. If you're going to say Six Tempered Tyrannus, translate. Yeah. Sure. Or maybe put it in another language just for fun. That's right. What would it be in Italian? Italian.

Italian. Italian. Italian. Italian in English. Yeah. If you're going to say it's except for Taranis, translate. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. All right. Maybe put it in another language just for fun. That's right. What would it be in Italian? You're learning Italian.

Oh. What is Death to Tyrants? Haven't yet gotten to Death to Tyrants. I'm sure that's coming up soon. It's got to be pretty close to the Latin, I would imagine. All right. So after St. Paul.

Madison, Wisconsin. Madison, wow. Wonderful town. Wonderful town, we had a great show there last year. Yeah, it's been a while. I really love Madison, and I'm excited to be bringing that there. Then Chicago, Illinois, the city with the big shoulders.

Chicago, it doesn't sleep either, right? Nope. Is that the city? No. That's New York City. It does go to sleep. So every other city by the fall goes to sleep? Yeah. New York is a city that never sleeps. If I were Chicago, I would be like, we don't go to sleep either. And then I would stay up and make sure it happens.

Then you have to prove it. Exactly. That's why more cities don't do that. I don't want to stay up all night. Royal Oak, Michigan. Royal Oak. We've been there. Of course, very close to Detroit.

Yes, but it's not Detroit. It is not Detroit. I think the first time I ever went there, I just assumed we were in Detroit and I said Detroit and I got booed. Yeah. People have real Royal Oak pride. They do.

And it's a wonderful theater there. Yeah. And they have a king that's a tree. Sure. That's the Royal Oak. Yep. And they all bow down to it. They do.

He can't talk or move. But they all bow down to it. They do. He can't talk or move. But they take their orders from him. They do. Like, what's that? What's that tree? Okay. We will boil them in oil.

That's the one thing, if you go to the show, you may be boiled in oil. Because a tree said so. At Royal Oak. Yes. That's the only place this warning applies. The only one, yes. Have you ever heard of Lakewood, Ohio? No! Well, you just did now.

Holy shit. And that's where I'm going. Is that by Cleveland or what? Yes. Okay, wow. It is. Fantastic. By Cleveland.

But I'm sure it's by whatever lake is over there too. Wood Lake. Yeah, Wood Lake. Where the lake is made of wood. Wood lake. Yeah, wood lake. Where the lake is made of wood. It's just you're walking on planks. It's a roller rink. Let's be clear, that lake is a roller rink. More, you know, like in the lakes in the states

that don't get cold enough to freeze over with ice, they should just cover it with wood planks. The lakes in states that don't get covered in ice should be covered with some wood in the sub-wood. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. But everyone wants to skate around on a lake. Simply everyone does. So why not gas?

You think this is where it's like ironic because you think, oh ice skates, no. No. Roller skates. Roller skates. Yeah, you didn't see, Oh, ice skates. No, no roller skates roller skates. Yeah. You didn't see that coming. Did you? Shouldn't they be wood skates? Like we call ice skates ice skates because you're skating on ice, but we don't

call regular roller skates. They should be like cement skates or wood skates. Well, see now you see ice skates. You only use on ice roller skates. You can use on multiple terrain. You could use ice skates on any frozen on ice. Why? Roller skates you can use on multiple terrains. You could use ice skates on any frozen substance, I would imagine. Hmm, interesting. Like...

Pudding pops? I mean, hmm, could you skate on a lake of pudding pops? Frozen pudding pops. Or like a creme brulee, maybe? Oh, that's too fragile. I know that's heart and sugar. That's too fragile. pops, frozen pudding pops. Or like a creme brulee maybe. Oh, I know that's heart and sugar. That's too fragile. I would do it though.

If you could bust through it with a spoon, once you get a person on skates up there, even the biggest creme brulee in the world, you're going to go right through. All right. Where are you going to next? I'm glad you asked because for the first time, Varietopia going to another country, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Now I love my Canadia and I can't wait to be back. I can't wait to bring this show there for the very first time. I was talking to someone who just did a touring show up there, no, up in Canada in a different city,

and they said that everyone was very mad at them. And all the suggestions that were thrown out were all like, tariffs, DEI. Yeah, well, guess what? I'm doing a show that does not involve suggestions. So if you don't bring any. Yes, please don't yell out tariffs. In any case, yes. So if you don't bring any. Yes. Please don't yell out tariffs.

In any case, please don't consider me an ambassador from the United States of America. That's what this person was saying was like, I'm just a dummy. Like, why are you shouting at me? I'm just going there to bring you some entertainment. I can't bring any of this anger back with me and affect any kind of change. I did not vote for that man. So please keep that in mind. Sorry to this man. I did not vote for that man. So please keep that in mind. Sorry to this man.

As I'm sorry to this man. To the small. To the small. Um, all right. So we're four cities in, I would assume that's where it ends. No, because guess what? Wake up. It's time to go to the city that never sleeps. Whoa.

New York. Wow. And I'm going to be at Irving Plaza. This is my first time doing the show in Manhattan. Oh, incredible. And are you doing it in the middle of the night because the city never goes to sleep? Of course, it's gonna be a four AM show.

Well, that's a little too close to morning. I would consider, what do you think, two or three AM, the middle of the night? It's hard because when you're talking about it, I'm assuming this is about a two hour program or so. 90 minutes. 90 minutes or so, you're edging into the morning. Which is what I was doing last night as a matter of fact.

Yeah, absolutely. What do you think, 1 a.m., middle of the night? I mean, midnight. I know that 1 a.m. is really too close to midnight. I think 2 a.m. even is like, a lot of people are up at 2 a.m. 3, I think you're right, 3. That feels like the middle of the night. Feels like the middle of the night.

If the phone rang. You would assume the worst. You would absolutely say, it's the middle of the night. Yes. Why are you calling me in the middle of the night? And then they say, well, because someone's in the hospital. And then you say, well, okay, now I'm sorry. I assumed you had no good reason to call me at 3 a.m.

and you were being a jerk, but it turns out I'm the jerk because I'm sleepy. Boston, Massachusetts. Wow. This list is getting exciting. Philadelphia, PA! Oh, this is your hometown. That's right.

Hometown show. And I'm playing the Theater of the Living Arts, which is very meaningful to me. Wow. On South Street, I used to- Did you go to there a lot? I used to go, first it was an art house movie theater. First it was an art house movie theater.

I was petrified. I was petrified. Then it became a performance venue, and then I saw a bunch of shows there as an audience member. It was a thrill to play the Trocadero when, when we played Philly one of the first few times, because I would hear shows from the Trocadero live,

live. Absolutely. Yeah. It's always a thrill when you get to play one of these theaters, like I played the Wiltern, no, not with Comedy Bang Bang, we couldn't fill that. But I did with Mr. Show and that was fun. That's right. And yeah, it's always great. I played the it with Mr. Show and that was fun. That's right. Yeah, it's always great.

I played the TLA one time before when I was a young stand up comedian and I opened for Leon Redbone and I bombed. So we'll see if the same thing happens. I'm looking for redemption. Does Leon Redbone return to play with you? If he shows up and says, I'm going on after your show,

I'll be so mad. Do you think the Eagles will come to this? The football team? Yeah. Of course they will. Okay, now we should make clear, if you're one of the Eagles listening, there's no football game in the middle of this show.

No, not this time. From what I understand. Would you make an exception for them? I invited them and from what I understand, the response from the team was a massive yes. Washington, DC. Durham, North Carolina. Atlanta, GA. Portland, Oregon.

Seattle, Washington. Vancouver, Canada. Love it. I mean, I'm going to a lot of places. This is almost too many places to even fathom. And guess what, Scott? What's up? More are going to be announced. More are going to a lot of places. This is almost too many places to even fathom. And guess what, Scott? What's that? More are going to be announced.

More are going to be announced. This is incredible tour. Certainly a jaunt that you're going to be embarking upon. Yeah. And your only goal and mission from what you've been telling me is to entertain not only America, but everyone abroad. Yes, my goal and mission are the same thing. And it is what you said, to entertain everyone in America, regardless of whether or not I'm coming to your city. And the entire world.

Now, do you think you'll hit this goal? Via two cities in Canada. Do you think you'll achieve this? Well, the whole world is my stretch goal. So first, if I do entertain everyone in America, then I'm going to head for entertaining the entire world by going to Two Cities in Canada. I believe two things. One, you're going to be starring in a movie above the title before you die. And two, you're going to get there. You're going to hit every single person in the world. Every single person.

I believe in you. I have faith in you. Even Vladimir Putin? I think you'll get to him eventually. Do you think he'll like it? I think he would like, I think he honestly, he probably has so many people coming in and kissing his ass all day. Which world leader do you think would like my show the most?

The most? Yes. I think, uh, Macron. Macron? Would certainly find it Emu Zang. Theresa May, is that someone? I don't know. Wow!

Wow! Who is that one guy with the messy hair? Boris? Boris Johnson. Yeah. Wow. Who was that one guy with the messy hair? Boris? Boris Johnson. Yeah. Johnson. Now it's Keir Starmer. Keir Starmer.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a great name. It is a good name. It hasn't penetrated over to me yet. You know what I mean? He needs a better brand. It's got to penetrate over.

You know what I mean? Like Boris Johnson, it was a combo of his name being Boris, his hair being messy and him having like little short ties. Did he have little short ties? I think so. Everything kind of- Did he have like the opposite Trump? He looked sort of like a little, like a Chris Farley character.

All of that- Absolutely. The combination of it all finally like penetrated my consciousness where I was like, I know who that is. Do you think Boris, he was named after Boris the Spider? I hope so. From the Foo? One of the best Foo songs, wouldn't you agree? It's my favorite. Boris the Spider. I love it. Isn't it funny, bands have a certain era where they're like, let's just put this on a record. I know what we do is really popular, but let's do something we don't do. Also, I would, I really had hoped at some point the CSI franchise would expand so much that they would have to eventually use Boris the spider as one of their

theme songs. You're saying another franchise, another installment of the franchise would have claimed Iver the engine driver. Mama's got a squeeze box. And then finally it gets to, well, all we have is Boris the Spider left. So this is- We've used fiddling about. Oh, Jesus. This is an incredible tour. Thank you. My only question now is I'm lost as to how to find any information or buy tickets. Oh my God, Scott, it couldn't be simpler. Okay. You go to paulfthomkins.com slash live.

Whoa. I bet you could even go to paulfthomkins.com and there would be a sidebar that said live and you could click on that. Yeah, but that's for lawyers. The sidebar technique. I only advise lawyers to go to the main page of the site. There's one little thing on the side that says, may I approach the bench? Yes.

There's another that says sidebar. Yeah. In any case, paulfthompkins.com slash live, you get all of the information regarding times that it starts to start at the same time every night or different times. I bet different times. I bet different times. Yeah. But all around the same time.

Around A-ish, I would imagine. And this is a good time at the theater. This is something that you can bring your loved ones to. I can only imagine you could bring your family to. If they're not your loved ones. Sure. I can only imagine you can bring your extended family to. Yeah, if you have step siblings, go through your family,

cousins, go through your family tree. If you have play cousins, whoever's still alive, hit them up. Absolutely. To meet you at the theater for varietopia. Guess what? You can bring not only your loved ones, bring your most hated enemies. Sure. And maybe you'll find some common ground. That's right. But in any case, it's good to have them in your sight lines at all times. Yes. Because you don't want to be murdered by them. So it's always good to like- I don't want that. Yeah. And I don't want to catch any strays. How many murders will be at this show, do you think? Like in the audience during a show?

I hate to make promises. I'm going to say I suspect there will be zero murders. Okay. I would think that would be a nice round number that you would want to hit. But again, if there is a murder in the show, I'm not saying this is gonna be a murder-free show. That's not a guarantee. I can't promise that. No. But I ask, I'm gonna ask people, please don't murder people at my show. Okay, make sure there's a sign going into the theater.

Yeah. Like those signs some theaters have that say, boy, don't bring your gun in here. Don't bring your gun to town, boy. Yeah. But look, I want to tell people, this show is my favorite thing to do. It's really such a complete expression of all my favorite things.

Completely curated by you. Yes, it is from my soul. And if you like me, you will like this show. Yes. And I'm excited. I'm going to say, if you're iffy on me, you will like this show. Yes. And I'm excited. I'm going to say, if you're iffy on me, you'll like this show. If people don't like you, I still think they might like the show. I think they'll come around on you.

There's parts of it that aren't me. Well wonderful. Varietopia coming to a city near you, more cities to be announced. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we have someone who is working in the illustrative field. Oh, shit. That's very exciting, isn't it, Paul? Oh, yeah.

All right, we're gonna take a break. When we come back, we'll have more Paul F. Tompkins, more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. Me. N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n Comedy Bang Bang, we are back. Paul F. Tompkins is here. Varietopia, AKA Varietopia, is out there going to be barnstorming across this country and one other country very soon in about a month's time. How are you preparing to be gone for this amount of time? I'm packing clothes.

Oh, okay. Yes. You didn't last tour. This is something I learned the hard way. You're gonna need clothes, like when you're at home, you have all your clothes there. I remember one time you showed up to the airport with loose clothes in your arms that you were just like carrying.

No, I did have them in my arms. I had a bunch of clothes in my arms. And then it was my wonderful wife who said, what if you put them in a suitcase? That's what suitcases, some would say, are for. A case for suits. Yes, that's right. And look, I'm a suit guy. I need one of those. It's interesting we don't call them clothes cases, but they were for suits back in the

day, exclusively. Exclusively. You couldn't put shoes in them. Nope, nor toiletries. Do you put toiletries in your suitcase? Yeah, just loose. I don't like those containers. Yeah. You know why?

Because the TSA says you're supposed to have that. TSA say. TSA say put toiletries in container. Yeah. In a little clear pouch. When we were going all over America, it's interesting how every airport has a different take on what you can do and what you can't do.

Oh yeah. Almost like it's intentionally confusing. It's great that it's not standardized. And then we would get to England and surprise, here's a bunch of stuff you can't do that only we say you can't do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I really like is that metal detectors are calibrated differently everywhere you go.

And so sometimes a belt you wear will be fine, nine times out of 10, and the 10th time you have to take it off, sometimes shoes. Oh, I didn't know these shoes had metal in them at all. The one thing that seemed standardized was the comedy bang bang stickers that I was carrying in one suitcase would get me taken to the side every single time because they couldn't figure out what they were. Yes, when they see a shape that they can't recognize, they're like, this is probably a bum.

All right, we need to get to our next guest, Paul. He is a comic book anchor. Exciting. You have read a few comic books in your life. In my day, yes I have. I worked at a comic book store, dear. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's called Comics and More on South Street.

I don't think that's come up on Freedom. You know, I was fired for being late twice. It's about the number of times I would fire someone. And the assistant manager said, no, it was the manager who said, look, if I don't fire you, the assistant manager will report that I didn't fire you and then he'll have my job. Okay. You got to respect that. Got to respect that.

Also great place to work. Oh, I can only imagine. So you have a little experience in the field. I know who Omaha the cat dancer is. I of course am currently writing, uh, astonishing Spider-Man for Marvel. So we, I think we're going to be good interviewers. And of course I'm writing everyday Spider-Man.

That's right. Yeah. The everyday boring adventures. He's a different guy. Not Peter Parker. Nope. Yeah. And nothing really happens to him.

No, he wears a sweater that has a spider on it. He's a different guy, not Peter Parker. Nope. Yeah. And nothing really happens to him. No, he wears a sweater that has a spider on it. Like a real spider, not embroidered. Yeah, he doesn't know. That's the most exciting thing about the comic. All right, let's talk to him and welcome him to the show. Please welcome Guy Foreman. Scott, thank you so much for having me.

My pleasure. Guy, can I call you Guy? It feels weird to call another man Guy. Like I'm saying like, hey Guy. Right, you're just, but it is my name. That is your name. Yeah, yeah. Do you ever?

My first name was Dude or something. Yeah. Do that. Do that. Do you ever pronounce it Guy? Gosh, no, I should. If I go to France, I should, right? Yeah, why not?

Yeah, maybe I'll start. I mean, they're going to do that. I might as well get ready now in case I ever do go to France. Do you think your work will take you to France or would you go there on vacation? I bet you would be work related. I can't imagine going to France for fun. Why? I went for fun once.

It was fun. Oh really? Is that worked out? Yeah, it all worked out. Oh, it just seems like- Fun equals fun. Hey man. Explain to me what a comic book inker does.

Yeah. A lot of people who don't know what comic books, how they're put together, they don't know what, what are you even talking about when you talk about inking? Before I answer that, can I just say what a pleasure it is to talk to two people with experience in the field? Oh, well, thank you very much.

I'm experiencing pleasure. Honestly, I- Oh, that's nice. I don't even get to talk from my voice. I'm filled with joy. You I don't know if you can tell from my voice, I'm filled with joy. You're a person, right? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm full person.

Full all the way. I try to have a little bit of experience in every single, with every single guest, in the field of every single guest. You can't do that. For instance, Ioni Sky was here last week and she is both a movie star and an author and I've done both of those.

You've been a movie star. Austin Powers Gold member, of course. And so I try to have a little bit. Turn around, turn around. Of course. Does this look familiar? Oh yes, there he is. What do you think it is?

Oh no. Yes, that makes sense. So in any case, I am so relieved that we're talking about comic books because both Paul and I have a little experience, but tell everyone. I can finally relax. Yes, tell everyone what you mean when you say ink

or what does that mean. So comic books. Now that we've gotten the thanking us for having. Now that I got that out of the way. Yeah, now it's. Which I stopped everything. Now explain yourself. I stopped the momentum so that I can say thank you.

I did it. You're doing it again. You acknowledged it. Okay, sorry. And now we are further stopping it. And I don't mean to do that. By talking about it right now. I don't wanna stop the momentum so that I can say thank you. I did it. You're doing it again. Okay, sorry. And now we are further stopping it. And I don't mean to do that. By talking about it. I don't want to stop the momentum. Zero minutes since a momentum stopped incident. That's right. So let's get right to it. I don't mean to delay that anymore. Of course. You're asking me what an anchor does. Let us, Terry, know further and let us discuss the very topic at hand, which is what does an

anchor do? Because I would like to know and I think other people would like to know. I think that's right. And I would love to say it. In fact, on my way over here, I was thinking I better be ready to explain it. It's going to be pleasurable for everyone involved, both the listener and for us in conversation to hear exactly what you're talking about. Can I push back on that a little bit? Because I am experiencing pleasure already. I do think it is going to be pleasurable, but that's not to imply I'm not experiencing pleasure right now. Let me just say the pleasure shall continue then. Yes, exactly. That's that I would sign off on Tune Suite.

How was that a pushback? Well, I just didn't want to... It was a pushback of what I... It was more of a clarification. Clarification and a preemptive arguing. Yes. Well, you were preemptively trying to manage expectations. Yes. If somebody thought... if I agreed to the fact that it would be pleasurable, I could imagine some people being like,

oh, I guess he was having a crappy time. Yeah, that's not me, that's not my style. That's not your style. But the premise was it will be pleasurable for people who do not yet know. That's true. Well, actually, the- Well, actually, the- You're right, it's not a pushback.

Let me push back. My premise was that it will be pleasurable for every listener, as well as the three of us discussing it. Okay, I think that's right. Oh! And that's why you say you're already experiencing pleasure. Correct, but I do think it was a, I wanna accept your pushback that when I said

I was pushing back, it wasn't a pushback, and it was a clarification. Oh, right, I believe we- Great, we're all set. We're at a quorum. I can see in your face that you're ready to move on. What is an anchor? So an anchor, set. We're at a quorum. I can see in your face that you're ready to move on. What is an anchor? So an anchor, easy.

You're holding a pen right now. Are you doing it right now? I'm ready to ink at any time. Oh wow, okay. Yeah, I'm ready to ink. I feel like whenever you have an occupation, you should walk around with your implement. Sure.

Like as if you're an action figure of yourself. So if you're an angioplasty specialist, you should have a stent at the ready. Yeah, that's right. If you are an angioplasty specialist, you should have a stent at the ready. Yeah, that's right. If you are an angioplasty specialist, not a generalist, not someone who can do it on the side. Sure. Just carrying a stent.

An Inker is somebody. So in the comic book biz, you have to, there's a lot of drawings, as you know. Yes, what normally happens is- Why don't you just say it? You know what? I've noticed that. Right? There are a lot of drawings.

Almost too many. Yeah. It's wild how many. It's comic books. Because I'll turn the page and like, more drawings? Yeah, you're ready for the story to keep going. Yeah. And it's almost all drawings.

Any minute now, it's just going to be straight prose. I would say almost every page of a comic book has at least one drawing. And I'm going to go as far as to say, like, do we need all of them? You know? It's sort of like all of our governmental workers. Let's just fire half of them. I'm glad you said it. You know what I mean?

Let's let's let's take out half of these drawings and we'll still get it. Well, Alan Moore solved that problem by ending his comics with 16 page of Unbroken Prose, right? People like the real reference. OK, so inking. Who didn't love that pirate ship part of Watchmen? Everybody. Oh.

The favorites. I skipped the regular story just for the pirate ship part. The thrilling pirate. Oh my gosh. In any case. An inker. So there's all these drawings. The writer writes the comic, then the draw.

The penciler. The penciler interprets these into pictures, these writings into pictures. Breaks it down into a storyboard. Break it down. If I can put it in movie terms. Sure. And then what the inker does is takes these, sometimes fully fleshed out pencils, sometimes-

Sometimes quite rough. Quite rough and then solidifies them, finishes them in the blackest of ink in order to, back in the day it was in order to- So they would show up on the printing process. Yes. Wait, so you trace? Trace? Yes, that's often a pejorative way to describe my profession is to say it's a tracer.

And truly, if the pens- I mean, that's what it sounds like. Well, okay, if the penciler is diligent and they're very finished, I am essentially tracing. We used to say fentanyl. Yeah, I was gonna say if. Now is that a problem in your industry? Yes, it's unfortunately a problem in almost every industry. Now you know what makes people drop dead?

That's why they like it. It's scary. It's a legit problem and it's bad. It's strange that it's such a, it's a drug that's used so much that there's an epidemic, but also if a policeman touches it, he'll die immediately. It is weird. That's weird that that happens. Like enough people use it that it's constantly coming through our porous borders. Porous borders and it's all over the place. And yet if a police officer even brushes against it, they die.

If they enter a room with a trace of fentanyl, they will die. They'll explode. But children are using it all the time recreationally. And 19 times out of 20, they're having a blast. Actually, I don't know. It seems like they're having a ball. Nothing negative associated with that, except for the deaths. And where was I? Inking.

So if the penciler is either hurried or lazy, you'll get unfinished drawings. And it is your job as the anchor to finish it up. And actually fill in blanks to add backgrounds, to connect lines, add details, make a lot of artistic decisions. Why did we mention diligent? If they have completed their pencils thoroughly. Then you're just a tracer. Then I'm just tracing.

But if these people that were hired for this job for some reason are lazy or rushing the job. Or overloaded a lot of times, yes. But you said lazy. Like Herbie? Like Herbie was once overloaded. Herbie overloaded? I think he was fully loaded. First he was fully loaded,

and then they made a sequel. They added one suitcase on top. Herbie was like, I can't do this. I thought you meant Herbie Hancock. And I was like, was he a multitasker as older reference? Which is an older reference. Fwah-fweep, fwah-fweep, fwah-fweep, fwah-fweep,

fwah-fweep, fwah-fweep, fwah-fweep, fwah-fweep, shoo-ka-choo-ka-cha, shoo-ka-choo-ka-wah. Leads nicely into Axl F, by the way. That's right. Yeah. Bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim. Good mashup. Bim-bim-bim-b boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And that was an, didn't the art of noise

have some kind of instrumental out too? Close to the other brands. Oh, with Peter Gunn, Peter Gunn. Oh, Peter Gunn, sure. Peter Gunn. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. They were all out within like six months of each other.

That's right. An inker will sometimes have to do a lot of drawing. If the pencil is in a hurry. A lot of times a pencil- Or lazy, as you said. Or lazy, so if a pencil is lazy and they're trying to scam a lot of drawing. If the pencil is in a hurry. A lot of times a pencil- Or lazy as you said. Or lazy. So if a pencil is lazy and they're trying to scam a lot of work.

So not just lazy, but dishonest as well. Dishonest, manipulative, a con artist. How did this person get this job? Well, they'll do good for one issue. Oh. And they'll be like, hey, do a second one. And then they just start to fart on it. Classic scam.

Or if they find out that the inker is good. So why are you an inker and not a penciler? Yes. That's a great question. And I agree. I just can't think of any ideas. I need someone to get me started. So how does it happen?

You read the script. If I were to get a script, and they'd be like, well, and I've never worked for Marvel or DC. I've only done indie stuff. Now in the script it'll say something like- Indiana Jones? Yeah, I've worked mostly just for Indiana Jones. You worked for Indiana Jones.

Indiana Jones is a comic book, and the movie portrayal of him is that he is an archaeologist and a professor. But the real Indiana Jones is a comic book writer. Let me guess, when he gets your inks, he looks at them and says, these belong in a museum. Yeah, and I'm like, thank you. Because for him, that's a compliment. For him, that's a compliment. That's the highest praise. For anyone else, that'd be like, that's an insult.

There's no other way to say it. It's real true. It's super true. So then, Guy or Guy, if you're in France, why are- Thank you for coming, that's good practice for me. Why are you not a penciler? You can't come up with any ideas. I can't come up with any ideas.

So as a- The script might say, Captain America, I can't come up with any ideas. So as a- The script might say, Captain America, I don't even, punches Kang. Okay. That could happen. I'm imagining it right now. Are you? Because I-

You can't do it. My mind's a blank. My mind's a blank. I don't know what to do. When you read Captain America, do you have a picture in your mind of what Captain America looks like? I mean, I know what he looks like, but if I just try to summon what he might look like punching, I can't envision it. So when you hear Captain America, like. I mean, I know what he looks like, but if I try to summon what he might look like punching,

I can't envision it. So when you hear Captain America, you picture him just standing there. I picture... Or like Alexander Hamilton just sitting there staring at the audience. After he's done his rap. That's true. I picture a stick figure holding a sign that says, I'm Captain America. Ooh, wow.

Yeah. I don't even... That's somehow more elaborate than picturing Captain America just standing there. Well, I don't know what to tell you. That's what comes to mind. So does he have the mask on or the stick figure? He's just got, he's got a, it's a featureless stick figure. Not even the two dots for eyes? Not even two dots.

Wow. Just a circle with a, with a, with a two-lined neck. Okay. And, and he's got a sign that... Two-lined neck. Two-lined neck, yeah. Like, like that. I'll draw it for you. Like that. Oh, wow.

Two line neck. So not even the whole. This is all I could do. If you get, I'll just do it for you right now. Like this is all I could, I'm just drawing for these folks. I know that's not great for. I Captain M that's I Captain M. That's what I would, that's all I could picture.

Captain M. But if somebody were to give me. And he's holding the sign with two, with both arms. Yeah. Or that's a two line arm. No, no, it's a one line arm. That's a one line arm? Yeah.

Because I see two lines. But see, you can do the legs, and then you also drew the penis. He drew the penis. Why? Okay. And the penis, by the way, is the most real. Is the thing there?

It's really the most, yeah. The most detailed item. I mean, you've drawn the veins on yeah, the most detailed item. That might give pictures. You've drawn the veins on it. You've drawn, it's uncircumcised. I don't know. Apparently he manscapes.

I think he's got genitals. I mean, I think like the super soldier serum probably. You think our superheroes out there in the MCU. And the MC, and the M. And the DC. And the M9, Shaw Malone. They all have genitals. I would imagine, yeah. These experiments with gamma rays

didn't just eradicate their genitalia. Even though Dr. Bruce Banner was pelted with gamma rays. I think he kept his genitals, yeah. Do you think they shrank? You would explain why he was so mad all the time if it. If he lost his genitals. Do you think they shrank? That's why he gets mad.

Like a tumor, like radiation shrinks a tumor. That's a good question, like, you know. Well, the action figures never have genitals. No matter if you, no matter if you like pump up your muscles in the gym, your penis still stays the same size. Great point. There's nothing you can do, right? So the Hulk, he gets huge and big,

but his penis probably stays the same size. It must be so tiny looking. Great, that's a Great point. There's nothing you can do, right? So the Hulk, he gets huge and big, but his penis probably stays the same size. It must be so tiny looking. Great. That's a great point. Yeah, because the gamma rays are just what would happen if you worked out at a time. Yeah. Even though you can make your hands bigger. Yeah.

But you know what I mean? It must be so disappointing for the Hulk to be huge and he's got a proportionately small penis. He must be so disappointed for the Hulk. He must be so melancholy. He must be all the time. I mean, I bet he's angry. He must be so disappointed for the whole... He must be so melancholy. He must be all the time. I mean, I bet he's angry. You know what?

Guy, we are running out of time on this segment. We are! Well, when we come back, we're gonna have more Guy Foreman. This is exciting. We finally learned what he does. Now we're gonna learn why he does it. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. N-n, we're back. Scott Aukerman here with Comedy Bang Bang. Unfortunately,

Paul F. Tompkins had to leave. He had to leave. And I think he did know that was gonna happen. I think he got upset about the whole abduction slam at the end of our last segment. I get that. I apologize. Paul, if you're listening to this recording, I apologize. Hee hee hee, they really believe I'm gone. Did you hear that? No. They don't know I'm up in the ceiling tile. I didn't hear it.

A lot of my hearing range has been removed. Intentionally removed? Yeah, I had the high frequencies and the low frequencies kind of slid off. Like surgically? Yeah. Why? I had a yappy dog and a bassy grandfather and I didn't want to hear either of them.

I get that. So I just was like, hey, you know what? Not my problem anymore. I get that. Guy Foreman is here at Comic Book Inker and Paul's gone. It's the same because he was great. Yeah. And I don't- Oh, he's just temporarily gone. I don the same, because he was great. Yeah, and I don't- Oh, he's just temporarily gone.

I don't even suspect that he might still be here. I don't either. Why would we? We saw him leave. Yeah, we saw him leave. Yeah. It would be disrespectful to him for us to think he was here after we saw him leave.

I take everything he does at face value. Because you're a friend. I don't think there's any kind of manipulation going on or anything like that. You are a man who does not suspect guile. This is like when Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn went to their own funeral. You know, I am hearing something. The frequencies must be dipping down out of the trouble.

Must be dipping down a little, yeah. Because I'm hearing a little something. I heard a little something. I heard something about Huckleberry. You know what it probably is? It's probably your audio playing over the recording equipment. That's probably what it is. I had an audio book going right before the show started.

Yeah, so that's probably what it is. And you'll have to edit that out or something. I was reading Tom Sawyer. Uh-huh. And I hadn't gotten to the part where it says, he, he, he, this is like when Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn go to their own funeral. It's a very meta book.

Yeah, interesting, yeah. Guy Forman, you're a comic book inker. That's right. You explained what it is, why do you do it? Well, for the love, and I love the medium of comic books. What do you love about that? I love the stories, I love the- The power fantasy of it all?

Were you a sad little boy? Yeah, you know what, I wouldn't put it like that. A little nerdy little boy who needed to read power fantasies about big strong men in order to feel like you- And that's who needs the stories most of all. Whoa. Excuse me, sir, we're in the middle of a conversation.

I'm so sorry, I just wanted to see my old friend, Guy Foreman. Wait a minute, you know- I do know this man. Remember me? Is that- you should say it, just so that I- just because I feel like I know that you love to announce yourself. And obviously I know who you are now that you've stepped into the light. That's right, faithful friend!

It's me, Ben Jammon, comic book mogul extraordinaire! Ben Jammon! Six-Himper Tyrannus! Ha ha ha! Death to Tyrants! My famous catchphrase! Yes! Oh, Ben, it's... I gotta say, it's nice to see you. It's nice to see you and thank you for promoting the comical arts!

Wow, my pleasure. Did you know that the Guy over here was going to be here or? I did. I keep tabs on all my former employees. I can't believe that. You worked for Ben Jammin. I've done as a contractor. I did some work for hire.

Oh, like on his house? I did some work for hire on his house. One of your first jobs if I'm not much mistaken. Put some insulation in the attic. Some? Yeah, not all. I peppered some insulation here and there throughout the attic. My house is freezing cold.

That's bad for a messier age. Hung some drywall. Some. Just here and there. There's big gaps in the walls where the breeze comes through in the wizard's eye. Less is more. That's what they say in contracting. I don't know why they do it, but they do say it a lot. I've also done some comic book work for Ben.

Oh my gosh. Ben, of course, every listener who's interested in the field knows who you are. Take us through your resume. I was the creator of Basie Grandfather. Basie Grandfather was you, wow. Yes, and I had a real one. He was based on Count Bacy. And he was an old man who played the upright bass, but in times of turmoil, he could climb inside it

and become an invincible crime fighter. Yeah, I remember the first issue was very complicated. It was a 50-page debut issue to explain all the powers of Bacy Grandfather. An invincible crime fighter. Yeah, I remember the first issue was very complicated. It was a 50 page debut issue to explain all the powers of Basie Grandfather. And then once he becomes invincible, there's no drama anymore, right? Yeah, he just wins straight up.

You'd be surprised because he does have a weakness. Oh, so he's not invincible. Invincible other than one weakness. Other than one weakness. An Achilles heel, perhaps. Yes! And what was his weakness? His Achilles tendon.

Oh, okay. It was literally his Achilles tendon. Yes. So you could just slice that and he would go ouch and fall over. That would happen every ten issues. Every ten. Yes. What happens in the other nine?

Smooth sailing. Smooth sailing. He beats up the criminals. Yes, I did some work on Basie Grandfather. Wow. Not on the first issue. I was brought in for some filling issues when they thought of him. And his archenemy, Xacto Blade.

Yeah, a lot of great, you've done so much great work. Of course, who could forget Ladybug? Yes, I don't. The Rodney Dangerfield movie or? Yes. Why are you bringing it up? Who could forget it? It's a good point.

I've made some characters for Ben. Now, Ben does own the rights to those characters. Exactly, and everything you ever do. Well, I disagree with that part of what you assert. You signed what we call the Lorne Michaels package. I mean, it was some of the first work I ever did was for Ben. And it was a pretty... What did you do?

What other books did you work on? I worked on Captain Gus and the Fat Lip Duo. Captain Gus and the Fat Lip Duo. Captain Gus and the Fat Lip Duo, this is, obviously I know who this is. From prior childhood. Yeah, but describe this for the listeners who aren't as into it. Captain Gus was just a naval ranking man

who was unimportant to this story. Naval ranking, he was not in the Navy. No, he was a naval ranking man. He ranked. A lot of people don't know, you can get ranked by the Navy. Yeah, the Navy gave him a ranking. You send away, you say.

If I were to join the Navy, what would my ranking be? Here's my stats, what would my ranking be? Captain Gus was an accountant who got ranked by the Navy as a captain. And he had two daughters who would, they punched each other in the face and their lips inflated.

Simultaneously? It could be, but whenever one of them had a fat lip, they were super strong. Okay. They would turn to each other and say, fat lip duo activate. And they would punch each other in the face. And then for like 10 to 15 minutes while the swelling was up, they'd be incredibly strong.

That short of a time, wow. Yeah, it had to act fast. Okay. So a lot of the comic would be them moving into the position and then activating their fat lips and then for the brief window of time, subduing the bad. And then controversial comic because when they punched each other in the face, they would both say simultaneously,

fuck! Which Ben refused to have us edit out. We tried to do like the little swirl and number sign representation. Because I do, the kids being bullied could relate. So the feeling of getting punched in the face. Fuck! Even if you're a kid, if you get punched in the face, you're going to say fuck.

You are. It was so real. It might be the first time you say it. Yep. First you say it, then you do it. Well, the letters into the letters column. It's an old, it's a reference to something else. People felt seen when they read this comic.

Wow. And so I did create those characters, but of course I'm not disputing, but Ben owns the rights to those. Sure, it always will. You don't need to rub my face in it. I know that you've got it. Not trying to, just reestablishing. So Captain Gus and the Fat Lip duo was was one of the ones I

worked on. What oh I... The Sad Gentlemen. The Sad Gentlemen. This started as a backup feature. The Sad Gentlemen was like a little six-page backup we would use to fill out the issues that weren't that weren't done. It was basically an extended Hostess Twinkie ad. Now comic book fans know that the Hostess Twinkie ad. Yeah. Now, comic book fans know that the Hostess Twinkie company used to do one-page ads where Spider-Man would come across a villain and everything would get solved by everyone eating Twinkie. Superman would find some fruit pies.

Yes. Yeah, the Hulk could get really into some ho-hos or something like that. That tiny-dicked superhero. The incredibly tiny-dicked Hulk. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-dicked superhero being incredibly hulk. The incredibly tiny-dicked hulk. Ah! Yeah, so, yeah, the sad gentleman was at first just an original character created for a hostess ad.

Wait, can I check out any of the sad gentlemen? Oh my gosh, you have some artwork here. That looks exactly like you. Yeah, it was inspired by some of my life. This one is the sad gentleman is in an elevator and he can't remember what floor he's going to. So he's just six panels of him like scratching his chin, starting to push a button, not pushing a button, getting lost in his phone, which at that time

didn't make any sense. No, he had a rotary phone. He took a rotary phone out of his satchel and just stared at it. Just stared at it. And that's the end of the sad gentleman. But the abstract nature was compelling to people. Sure, yeah. This sounds like indie comics, these Indiana Jones comics.

These Indiana Jones comics, yeah. Children will write in and say, this is how I feel all the time, sad and confused. Kids in an elevator have no agency. They don't get to pick what floor they're going to. So all they have is their phone to play with. Kids should be able to pick the floors that we go to. Absolutely.

Let the child pick the floor. That's my, let the child pick the floor. Let the child pick the floor. Let the child pick the floor. This is my platform. I've said it before. I'll say it again. Let children pick these things.

Who cares if you end up on the wrong floor? Yeah, where were you? Let them push every button like they want to. Yes. What do you care? What do you care? And then wherever you end up on the wrong floor? Yeah, where were you? Let them push every button like they want to. Yes. What do you care? What do you care? And then wherever you end up, that's probably where you were meant to go. Yeah, kids, that's very wise of you.

That's beautiful. Like, where are you going with a kid anyway? The dentist? They don't want to go there. Let them pick the floor. Go somewhere else. Pick another floor. You're in some DMV.

Yeah, exactly. And just go in there for a while. Oh man, those dentist offices that are right on top of some DMV. Yeah, exactly. And just go in there for a while. Oh man, those dentist offices that are right on top of the DMV. You go to the DMV, you're here for a license, no problem to the dentist. Yes, and then your child has an early start on driving. That's true.

It all works out. What are some of the other books that you worked on? So what did we say already? Captain Gus and the Fat Lip Duo, the Sad Gentlemen. Yeah, you wanna make sure you don't wanna say one you've already said. I said Captain Gus and the Fat Lip Duo? You did Gentlemen. Yeah, you wanna make sure you don't wanna say one you've already said. I said Captain Gus and the Fat Lip Duo? You did, yes.

Okay. The name only ranks Captain Gus. Piano Hands. Piano Hands. This is a man who was a jazz trumpeter, weirdly, fell into a grand piano during a nuclear attack on Los Angeles. Just on Los Angeles.

Yeah, and he emerged with two piano keyboards for hands. But no hands to play them, I would imagine. Tragic, it's like an O. Henry story. Wow. He's got piano keyboards and no hands to play them. So he needs people to play his hands to enact music. Wow. But can he pick up stuff at all or?

He can scoop them up. Like if there's something that a piano keyboard could manipulate. I would imagine if the top is up on a grand piano, you can scoop them up, like if there's something that a piano keyboard could manipulate. I would imagine if the top is up on a grand piano, you can scoop things. With a piano, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would imagine that is true.

Like if you were doing construction on your house, which you've done before, some. And on mine. And you couldn't get a bulldozer. If you had a grand piano, you could probably scoop some of the rubble away. If you had a grand piano and you were strong, you could use it for sure, I would think. It's shorted upside down, you leave the lid open like a big mouth.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Big mouth, great show. Piano man, not piano man. Wait, didn't I hear you on big mouth? You saw me, but it wasn't my voice. Yeah, your voice got cut out of the show. They used someone else, unfortunately, for it. But it was, it was a drawing of me and the guy who just left, Paul F. Tompkins.

And they used other people's voices for it for some reason. You were probably, you probably were not available or hard to... Oh, I was very available. I let them know I would come in anytime. Well, you probably didn't have any personal connection with anybody on the show. No, no, no. Okay, so piano hands. Piano hands, yeah. Does he solve crimes or? He solves crimes. No, no, no. Okay, so piano hands. Piano hands, yeah.

Does he solve crimes or? He solves crimes, absolutely. He solves crimes. Cool. Yeah, well, he teams up with the detective. He doesn't have the know-how, he's the muscle. Oh, okay. He comes in just to like, whap the bad guy with a big keyboard.

That's what Sherlock Holmes needed. You know what I mean? Some muscle. He's got some like, Asshole Watson, who like sits around and is like- Just documents the cases. And is worse than Sherlock Holmes like we're Wait everything he's way worse. Yeah, like if you were muscle if he was like, oh don't sure look I'll take care of this Wapao, thank you. You'd understand what he's doing. Yes, but so he's just like oh

Sherlock, why would you even? Think that that would be Shut the fuck up. What's in there in case Sherlock Holmes got shot or stabbed. He was an understudy? He was a medical doctor. Oh, to attend to the wounds. Not always does a stabbing lead to death. See, Ben is the master of the story.

Six separate tyrannics. Oh, you are holding scissors right now. I'm always holding scissors. Because you're an editor. Tell them about Bubonic Bill. Bubonic Bill was a worker at the CDC who insisted that he could cure all diseases. The CBC? CBC. He worked for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.

Okay, alright. It's not the CDC. No. That would have been great! That would have been probably because of the diseases part of it. Because we knew we wanted him to have the powers of the bubonic plane. Yes, it was the CBC, not the CDC. We should have had it be the CDC. But I think that adds a more realistic...

Well, it's more likely that someone would work at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation than they would at the Sex Center for Disease Control. It's way more relatable. So this guy worked for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Or a company. Who knows? Could be a company. Yeah.

We never had to say it. Concomit? We just said Canadian Broadcasting C, cause we didn't know. So you had every character say the Canadian Broadcasting C. Hey, I got to get back to my job at the Canadian Broadcasting C. Okay. This is realistic dialogue. So far?

Yeah. It gets unrealistic. So then he's, um, so there's a talk show where Mike Myers is interviewing Wayne Gretzky Oh, at the Canadian broadcasting. And the next guest is a scientist who's got a big vial of the bubonic plague to show. To show. Yeah. Just to be like, which is party trick. Yeah. This used to really be a problem, he was gonna say. Right. But this guy, our main hero, whose name was Irving, um, filibuster. Irving, filibuster. Was he doctor like Dr. Irving? Like Dr. J? Like Dr. J? No, he was not a doctor. No, he was a nurse practitioner who worked at the Canadian Broadcasting

Sea. Why? If he's a nurse practitioner, why does he have this side gig? He was there in case people got hurt. Oh, like Watson? I guess so, yeah. So Irving Filibuster, a nurse practitioner who worked at the Canadian Broadcasting Sea, is arrogant. And he's like, I should be on the show, not this lousy scientist who's got a vial of the bubonic plague. And he tries to elbow his way onto the show, but knocks into the vial of the bubonic plague, giving himself the bubonic plague.

Who is Bill? Sorry? The title of this is bubonic Bill? BOO-bonic Bill! And your main character's name is Irving. Yes. Great. You've got an eye.

Have you ever heard of a secret identity? Yes. So he didn't want people to know his real identity because he wanted to continue his career as a nurse practitioner. But he did want people to know he was a carrier of the bubonic plague. Well yeah, because he wanted to scare villains. What strikes fear in the heart of evil men to bubonic plague? I would assume more than bats.

Way more. Yeah. If you, in a hypothetical situation, had to walk into a room with the bubonic plague loose or a room with a couple of bats. I'd go into the bat room. Easy, right? But it begs the question, why not Bat Bill?

Why not Bat Bill? He's trying to obscure his secret identity too. He should obscure the bubonic part. Well, no, I'm saying why didn't Batman, why wasn't his name Bat Bill? Yeah, throw him off the case further. Because his name is Bruce, what, like, when he says Batman, you automatically go,

oh, he's a man. Right, that narrows it down. And that narrows it down. Why not say Bat Bill? It's a mystery. Wouldn't Bill narrow it down even further? But in the wrong way. In the wrong way where you're like,

okay, we gotta find some- Somebody named Bill. Someone named Bill who kicks ass in his Ridge. Yeah. And then there's no one there. You know what he really should have done was call himself Bat Joker to direct all the attention at Joker.

Yes. Make that guy's life problem. Yeah, exactly. Oh, you know who just beat us up? All of us criminals? This Bat Joker guy. What if he called himself Bill, Bat Bill Jasper of 1124 Stickamore Avenue,

Social Security number 246-928125. He'd have the cops running in circles. Oh, Ben, you should have, I wish you were in charge of DC Comics. I wish I was in charge of DC Comics. What are you doing now, Ben? Mostly I'm retired and counting money, but I do like to make cameos in films. Oh okay so like

I saw you recently I saw you in Plumber Henry the Plumber Henry franchise that's on Netflix. Yes. And I saw you in Amelia Perez. Yes. Remember when they were singing penis vagina penis vagina. I was in the background looking back and forth like I was on a tennis match. You can also find me in The Brutalist. Really? Yes. What were you doing in The Brutalist? Well, when an unpleasant thing happens towards the end of the film that comes out of nowhere, I am over in the corner of the street going, woo, woo, woo. I do a double take. I think it undermines the moment. And that's not, your performance is great, but I think the director was wrong to cut to you going,

blblblblblblblbl. Weren't you in Challengers as well, watching the tennis match as if it were a penis and vagina discussion? That's right. Also when they have, they're doing the three-way kiss. I see, you see me slightly just out to the side of the frame going, let me get it there.

And then in companion with Jack Quaid. Haven't seen it. So don't spoil my cameo in companion. Wait, you haven't seen it. You're in it. I don't know where my cameo comes. OK. So please don't spoil anything about the movie.

OK. Thank you. I'm glad you said that because I was gonna spoil it was a very unique situation where the director said now I'm gonna push you with movie. You're not gonna know where you are anything about the story That's nice. Okay, that was you don't want to be spoiled. I was blindfolded. Oh, that's why they picked you up here They abducted you they all know and they put me and they put And they put me in a bag over my head. They brought me to set and they said, okay, we're gonna say action and whip the bag off. And then all you have to do is just sit there.

But you were also blindfolded as well, you said? Yes, so we're gonna keep the blindfold on. It makes me feel like they blindfolded you so you wouldn't know where you're going and then they thought you were just an Uggoh and put the bag over your face. Cool. I don't think that's true, Ben.

They did take the bag off for the filming. No, Ben, you're a fine looking man. Thank you. That can't be true. For a man of 102, I think I look pretty good. 102? Yeah. You had a lot of energy.

It's my birthday today. Hey, happy birthday. Hey, happy birthday. Thank you. So you're 101 yesterday. That's right. Now you're 102. Yes, tomorrow I'll be 103.

What? Well, that's not true. It'll be another year, right, Ben? When you're that old, I think the birthday should come a little more regularly. That's what I'm doing. Who knows if I'll live another year. So tomorrow I'm gonna be 103.

For the next day and just birthday cake every day. Exactly. I love birthday cake, it's my favorite food. It's a great one. I like when you go to an ice cream store and it's like birthday cake ice cream. No, I would go to the birthday cake store. Yeah, thank you very much.

If I want a birthday cake. I want ice cream. Birthday cake ice cream? Ice cream cake? What's going on? What is happening here? We gotta get to the bottom of this. That's like a cat being dressed like a dog.

Which is another great idea for a superhero, by the way. But a dog? Dog cat. Dog cat Bill. Dog costume. Dog cat Bill, a cat, by the way. But a dog? Dog cat. A cat. Dog cat Bill. Dog costume. Dog cat Bill. A cat who gets the powers of a dog.

Dog cat Bill. But what? Two minutes later. What's the secret identity of still being a cat? I've had a very busy year doing cameo to the movies. Really? That's incredible. We love to see you in movies.

Your charming presence. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing is Stan Lee, who was a contemporary of yours, right? Yeah, did you know Stan? Who? A Marvel Comics guy. That guy? Yeah, he would show up in all these Marvel movies

and he'd be so funny and so good. What? And I would be like, he's gotta show up in other movies. Yeah, let's use this guy. He was doing my thing? He was doing your thing. He ripped you off, yes, unfortunately.

I've been doing cameos in movies since the 30s. I remember you in Kramer versus Kramer. Yes, when he throws the glass in the restaurant. And you're the waiter who go, oh! Brrrr. You're one of the great double take cameos. You were in Arsenic and Old Lace. Yes.

When the guy who thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt charges up the stairs, I would be at the top of the stairs and guess what I'd be doing? You'd be, I can't believe you said it. Yeah, right? Most of these cameos are double takes. Yeah, I remember in Psycho,

the big reveal at the end, which I won't spoil. But anyone who hasn't seen Psycho, the big reveal at the end, which I won't spoil. But anyone who hasn't seen Psycho, but a certain character is not what she seems. Not what she seems. Certain characters mother. I don't want to spoil it. A character's mother. Yes. Is not who we think, but is actually a, maybe a son of who we think.

No spoilers. No spoilers. But the. No spoilers, but. The mother of a certain character. Norman Bates, Norman, we're talking about Norman Bates. We're talking about Norman Bates. That's not a spoiler, that's the main character. Yeah, that's the main character. You mean Norman Bates.

When you go see Psycho, Norman Bates is. Right away, he's there. Yeah, but no spoilers, but Norman Bates's relative. Who you see. Of the maternal variety. Correct, no. No spoilers. Further specification than that no but at the end

of the movie we find out that this maternal relative of norman bates he was dressing up as his dead mother stabbing people correct so and at that moment at that reveal they cut to you the pan up to you and you go and then they do the famousitchcock pullout zoom forward just on you. It's the only time I did a double take where I had to pull out a zoom forward. It was crazy and you were in both versions. Except for Jaws, of course. You were in the Vince Vaughn version. Yes. Shot for shot remake.

Yep. You gotta have you on jammin'. Gus Van Sant called me up and said, I know this is unusual, but would you mind repeasling your role? Did you want him just to use the old footage? I said, yes, please. And he said, no, it's going to be a color. And I said, ah, you got me. A color.

A color. It's going to be a color one. It's going to be a color. I said, which color? And he said, all of them. I said, wow, big budget. He went all out. I thought you were the best part of the remake.

Thank you. What about where they added the one scene that wasn't in the original where he jerks off. He jerks off. That wasn't necessary. That had to be in there. It's sacrilege to change anything of the master's work, except jerking off for a good jerk off, which we all think that he would have liked.

Psycho. Otherwise perfect film if I were to add one thing. A lot of movies are, I mean, Citizen Kane is always missing a real good jerk-off scene. Casablanca. You gotta assume he was going to see his mistress's operas just working it up there in his box. How great would it be if one more filmmaker did a shop-for-shop remake of a classic and just included a jerk-off scene? Just Van Zant style.

We're gonna Van Zant this movie. I gotta say, three men on a podcast, we finally got to jerkin' off. Took us a while, that was restraint. Well look guys, we are running out of time unfortunately. I am too. So am I, I'm 103. Oh wait, we've already crossed into tomorrow?

Have we? We are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called Plugs. I just can't believe my love. I get to hear your plug. Rock and roll. Finally. Starring Michael Gross. Kind of seems like a TV show theme. Sha la la la.

That's a good one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one.

I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one.

I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. I'm going to go with the old one. Starring Michael Gross. Kind of seems like a TV show thing. Sha la la la. That was Little Dinky Boy by T.W. Bond. That was great. Yeah, I loved it.

Thanks to T.W. Bond. And guys, what are we plugging here? I'll start with you, Guy Foreman. I'm going to- Guy. I'll plug a podcast I like called a screw it. We're just going to talk about the Beatles. If you want to hear a bunch of you didn't know who they were.

I don't know who they are, but that's why I'm playing these guys do these guys do. So I'm hoping to listen to it someday because I'm curious about I'm curious about that band. But if you ever wanted to hear a couple of middle aged people to say that this band that you know already is good. That's the podcast for you. Do they have any sort of analysis that elevates it at all? Not really. There's a lot of just whatever's topical in the band,

they kind of go over and say. Things are topical in the Beatles these days. There is a lot of Beatles releases. There are a lot of Beatles releases. Ringo released an album last month. I hear, even though I don't know who he is. And Ben Jammin, do you have anything you want to say? I'm dying.

Here I go. No, no, not now, Ben. No, no, no, no, no, Ben. Go, go, go, go, go. Clear. Shoo, shoo. Clear. Shoo, shoo.

Don't you die, Dan. Hey. What's going on, you guys? Hey, Paul, where'd you come from? I fell out of the roof. You were in the roof? Yeah. Oh.'d you come from? I fell out of the roof. You were in the roof? Yeah. Oh.

Are you all right? In the ceiling. Oh, okay, oh, that makes sense. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine, it's not that long of a fall. I fall a lot. Oh, yeah, you did it well. Thank you.

You rolled. Thank God that I had these pillows here underneath. Pillows. Yeah, before we started, when you got all the pillows out to show them off, I was like, yeah, check out my pillow collection. I actually enjoyed the pillow show. But it was out of nowhere.

To be honest, I usually do a pillow show before every episode. We just don't record it. What's amazing is to the untrained eye, they all look exactly alike, but you were able to walk us through the subtle differences in each pillow. And I know I'm glad that I brought out my haystack in response to that to that pillow.

Your haystack collection. Yes. I which I thought was gorgeous. You were so nice about it. I mean, no needles involved in these. No. A haystack is sort of a collection of hay, right? It is. Yeah. In a way, it's stacked up.

Sure. Paul, we we were doing plugs. Do you have anything you wanted to plug? Oh, sure. I'd like to plug Varietopia. We're doing our St. Patrick's Day special in Los Angeles on Sunday, March 16th and live streaming it to the world. That's at Lodge Room in Los Angeles and live streamed everywhere else. And then of course, got to say it again, Varietopia starts everywhere else. And then of course, got to say it again, Varietopia starts in Iowa City, Iowa on fucking April. I bet it was 16. No, it's a little too early. It's a little too early.

23rd of my guess. That's my guess. I think you're right about the 23rd, Guy. Yeah, Wednesday, the 23rd at the Engler Theater, it all kicks off in Iowa City. It's a week and a day after you file your taxes. That's exactly correct. One week and one day. Wow. I just got a text.

It's AT&T. Great news. Your phone is paid off. Oh, fuck. If you're interested in learning about our upgrade offer, reply yes to receive decongrats. Say yes. I got to get some more details on this. Um, I want to plug, hey, we still have, uh, the CBB action figures.

We still have Randy and Carissa action figures. They've been mailing them out. They look gorgeous. I have some right here next to all of my others. Um, they are, uh, uh, Randy Snuts and his on and off again Carissa girlfriend. Get them to complete your set. They are available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com with free shipping with the US address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at actionfigureseller.com.

Nice. I think they still have some Sprague and Big Sue action figures as well as some of the Tour, J.W. Stillwater and Scott Aukerman's might still be available. So hit them up. Also, if you're interested in hearing the complete archive of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as every live episode we've ever done, head over to CBB World. We have such great stuff over there. We have ad free episodes of this show. We have ad free freedom. We have CB-free episodes of this show. We have ad-free freedom. We have CBB Presents shows. Ad-free freedom will shine a light on me.

We also have College Town. We have Neighborhood Listen. Scott Hasn't Seen, where we watch movies with Sprague. So many great shows over there. CBB FM? CBB FM? Yeah, we certainly do. Yeah, that's there. That is a show. That's a fact. Head over to there, over at CBBWorld.com. Head over to there. You can get it via a monthly subscription or a yearly subscription.

If you get it for a year, you get two months free. All right, let's close up the blind bag with me. Dude, dude, open up the blind bag with me. Open the blind bag with me. Dude, dude, dude. Just please don't close it and be rude. Dude, dude, dude. You got it.

Open the blind bag with me, dude. All right, that was Dude Looks Like a Plug Bag by Burnswee. Thanks to Burnswee, that was great. Guys, I want to thank you so much. First of all, Paul, thank you so much for dropping by and telling us about what's going on. Thank you for letting me promote my little show. Of course. And I hope to go out there and I'm going to follow the tour around and go to every show.

I figured. Yep. I'll be there in the audience if anyone wants to say hi. Great. And Guy Nagai, Fordman, Ford, Foreman. Foreman, that's correct. Gi-ne-gai. Gi-ne-gai.

Gi-ne-gai. Um, so great to meet you. Yeah, thanks for, I just wanted to hang out and I got to do it. Yeah, continued success to you. Thank you. Yeah. And of course, uh, Benjamin's dead.

Yeah. But, uh, rest in peace, Ben. Is that who this is? Yeah, yeah. Eugh. We couldn't say it. Yeah. We performed CPR. I breathed heavy near this is? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We couldn't say it. We performed CPR. I breathed heavy near his face. Extensively.

This is grizzly. I know. Hey, join the club. My nephew Todd was dead for a while, lying on the floor. Alan Thicke. Alan Thicke, yeah, he's been lying here forever. There are a lot of bodies here.

It's a curse being on this show. Hopefully that won't ever affect you guys, okay We didn't do anything wrong. It wouldn't be fair. That's right. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye