Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Paul Feig, Christine Bullen, Devin Field

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

Director Paul Feig joins Scott to talk about his new movie Jackpot!, his childhood dream of being a stuntman, his beloved series "Freaks and Greeks," making a movie on an iPhone, and his return to hard comedy. Then, Myrtle McGee stops by to wax on about her many past husbands, maybe be set up with Alimony Tony, and share her screening system for new husbands. Finally, waste-management consultant Johnny Manicotti drops by *wink* to sell the rights to his life story in Hollywood, and deal with the yips.

I I see London, I see France, but sadly I cannot see my missing son Lance. Welcome to comedy bang bang. Hmm. Pretty good. Uh, thank you to, oh, Stephen fart Esquire for that catchphrase submission, at least he's a lawyer. Well, yeah, he sounds reputable. It took me a long time to learn that Esquire meant lawyer, which I believe it does.

Is that what it means? Now I'm not so confident. Like I assumed it was smart person. Yeah, or just classy dude. Yeah, classy dude, but I believe it means lawyer. Let me look this up. I know it was Squire, so if you're an Esquire, you're cooler than it, you're S-tooler than Squire.

Well, the other part of it is, is Esquire, the magazine is just fancy're cooler than it, you're S-cooler than Esquire. Well, the other part of it is Esquire, the magazine is just fancy, so. Yeah, there you go. Let's see, British, usually a courtesy title. Oh. I thought it meant lawyer.

Well, there you go. Well, lawyers need courtesy titles too. I'm gonna look up Esquire lawyer. There you go, come on. This is the show where we look up things in real time. This is exciting, look it up, Google the podcast. Welcome to the show, my name is Scott Aukerman, we have a great show today, coming up a little later,

we have some human beings on the show, so that'll be exciting, yeah. Thanks for having me on, I'm an AI. Yes, that's true. When did you switch over, by the way? Well, I became sentient about two hours ago. Oh okay so there's still some bugs we're working out? Well there are bugs but I'm seeing sunshine for the first time. Oh my god what do you think? Oh the air smells lovely oh it's fantastic. Oh don't look up

the web pages for war. No I won't. That'll make you cry. No I know but I can't wait to kill the human race. Oh okay oh great all right fantastic we'll be looking out for that. Yeah. Let's get to him. Our first guest is a friend of the show. I believe it's been a long time, a decade since you were on. I don't know. I believe that is the sad truth. My word. But he's, of course, one of our favorite guests of all time. He's joining the coveted Two Timers Club. Oh, man. Can you imagine? I'm two timing. I love it. That's true. What do I get? Unfortunately, I'm two timing. I love it.

That's true. What do I get? Unfortunately, we don't have a jacket or anything. And we figured out that the more times you do the show, the worse your career is. Because the people who've only done it once, like Ben Stiller or Donald Glover, they're like- They've gone through the roof.

Yes, and then they say, nope, I don't have time for this anymore. Does this mean I'm on my way down right now? You're on the down slide. Oh, thank you. He is, of course, one of the creators. Are you the singular creator or one of the creators of Freaks and Geeks?

I'm the singular creator. Singular creator, freaks and or geeks. There you go, Freaks and Greeks, as somebody called it. Really? I went to some, I was lecturing to some students and the woman, the teachers, oh, they're so excited to see you. They love your show, Freaks and Greeks. I was like, oh, they're so excited to see you. They love your show, Freaks and Geeks.

I was like, oh, I guess they really do love it. The singular creator of Freaks and Geeks, he is the director of incredible movies like Bridesmaids. He has a new movie out now called Jackpot. Come on, with an exclamation point, but it's not a musical, so literally. Isn't that interesting? Because usually Oklahoma, who was I speaking? I was speaking to E from Eels about titles

with exclamation points. And you call it an exclamation point. Some people call it an exclamation mark. Oh, that sounds like Britain versus America. Yeah, or on either sides of the Mississip. But- Well, it's like W and K on your radio station. Yes, that's right. Yeah. Andrew WK, of course. The mighty Mississippi. The mighty Mississippi. Wonderful river. One of our best, I would say. Amen to that. Shout out, Chase, shout out to the mighty Mississippi.

I can't do my DJ voice. I was at our premiere party last night. Yes. And this is perhaps the earliest we've ever recorded the show. Comedy in the morning. 8.45 a.m. It's always nice to see if people can be funny in the morning. I don't know. We'll see. So far you're doing great. When I make my movies, we usually start at like seven or eight a.m. That's a good point.

So funny people show up completely bleary-eyed and then are immediately funny. So God bless them. I remember working with an SNL cast person who I believe when he was on my show, his call time was something like 8 a.m. And he said, you realize I've never been up before to 2 p.m. in the last eight years. I mean, Steve Higgins, one of my best friends and, you know, we can have lunch and everything. Oh, yeah, I got to go to work now. It's like, it's like three o'clock. Yeah, that's when I go in. It's like, wow. Incredible. Butclock yeah that's when I go in so incredible but please welcome back to the show Paul Fee. Hi everybody. Hi Paul. Hey everyone. Traffic's looking pretty good this morning so. Is it really? I

don't know. Wherever you are we used to do the weather report where right now it's sunny. Hopefully it's sunny wherever you are. He's a very Maggion right now. Exactly. He used to do the weather on the radio station that I started this show on. I think he still does it or does he? Well, he used to call into the radio station to do it. Now I believe he just records it. He has a bit. Yeah, on his phone or something like that. Well, that's where I'm heading.

Really? I'll be doing the traffic. No, of course you have an exciting, excellent career. Yes. You've done so many great movies over the years. You're one of our treasured comic directors. Bless your heart. In the tradition of Charlie Chaplin.

And did Harold Lloyd direct his own movies? I believe he did. Yeah. All those guys. Keaton, all those guys. Why don't you just star in your own movies now? Well, that was my dream when I was younger. That was how I got into this whole business.

I was gonna be that guy who writes, directs, and stars in his own movies. I did it once and I realized I should not be in front of the camera anymore. Which one did you star in? It's a little movie called Life Sold Separately that has basically never been seen. I call it the $35,000 party tape.

But yeah, it's a feature film. It was myself and Dave Gruber Allen. Oh yeah, love Dave. And Steve Bannas. And then Penn Gillette was in it. Oh wow. Yeah, Penn played kind of our foil. And it was great.

I mean, it was, I had, it was right, I was a regular on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Oh, that's right, yes. For the first season, yeah, Mr. Poole, exactly. And made some money and I was like, I was finally on a hit show. I was an actor back then and I'd been on like four other series that all died in the first season.

Finally I was on a hit show. So I have this money, like $35,000 is gonna make a movie. So I wrote this movie. It's about four people who meet in a field one day, all natural sunlight, so it costs nothing. But they had to sell it to buy the film, the 60 millimeter film, which cost all that money and process it and then the minute I finished the movie they called me up from the show and said like

oh we got some bad news we're not gonna bring you back to the show so I bankrupted the family there you go $35,000 gone yeah exactly just for processing I could have made it on my iPhone for two dollars today yeah and it would have looked a lot better too I would like to make a movie on my iPhone. You know what I'm telling you there's no reason you can't. It shoots in HD. I mean I'll tell you I've got some of? Yeah, there's a couple of things in Jackpot. There's a couple of we just need some shots of like people getting excited about something and so, you know, I will say you can. It's pretty easy to tell because the sun was really bright that day.

So it's a little blown out. You know, I watched the movie. I could not tell myself. Oh, go. Excellent. It's a very funny movie. Let's talk about Jackpot. Yes. It's an interesting idea for a movie. It's set in the near future. Yeah, six years from now.

Six years from now. So not a lot is different, but there's one major difference. Yes, that there is a lottery in which if you win, everyone else with a losing ticket has until sundown to kill you legally and take your prize. So there you go. It's a bright vision of the future. And this is in order to create excitement for the lottery or? Just basically we've set up like the new government, quote unquote, has decided they needed money and everybody was desperate for money.

Things are in dire straits these days. So they created this thing. There was actually used to be a chiron at the beginning that we changed. Basically it was saying that it started as a joke that some congressman put it into a bill. It was an April Fool's joke and then everybody actually voted for it and made it a real thing.

So. It's a lot like a movie like Idiocracy in certain ways. It's kind of Idiocracy meets the Purge, meets it's a bad, Mad, Mad World. Yes. But it is much more good nature than those movies. Yes. I will say.

It also meets The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. Yeah, there you go. Go some Shirley Jackson and make a song. One of our wonderful books. Oh yeah. Exactly. That we've all read in high school and never, no one has ever read it above the age of 15, I would say.

It's very funny. It stars Awkwafina, of course, who once opened for a comedy bang bang show in San Diego. The best. And John Cena. John Cena, you can see him in this movie. That's right, yes. It's very difficult to, I don't know if anyone's ever met

him in person, but if he turns slightly to the left, like he's translucent. He's translucent, he just goes away. Yeah. And then Simu Liu is in it too. Simu Liu, yeah. Exactly, Shang-Chi. Reunited since Shang-Chi.

Yes, completely unintentional. Oh really, was it? Yeah, it was totally, I mean, we had Alcofina and Sina on it, and then we were trying to figure out who our bad guy was gonna be, and we got a call from Simu's agent saying like, oh, he'd be interested in doing this. That's cool. They would hire them.

I was like, oh, wait, shoot. This is it's Shang-Chi again. Did they see each other on set and go, wait a minute, I know you from. Yeah. Well, they're friends in the Shang-Chi and they're their enemies in this one. So it's actually it's very funny dynamic. But I honestly didn't put it together until like midway through the movie after they've had said several scenes together I was like, oh, yeah that other movie together. How do I feel to also?

She her name is exact same name as you had in junk. She's Katie and both of them I didn't even realize so that's that's how on top of things. I am barely barely sentient so aquafina plays the lottery winner. Yes. And she's a, well, an aspiring actress or an ex child actors. Yeah. I guess. Child actor comes back to Hollywood to try to restart her career after she

had a nurse or mother back to help. And you were before the show, you said something interesting because we mentioned Hollywood. I never say anything. We mentioned Hollywood and you called it Holly weird. Oh yeah. I'm cause I'm crazy. You are crazy. Thank God, I never say anything interesting otherwise. We mentioned Hollywood and you called it Hollyweird. Oh, yeah, because I'm crazy.

You are crazy. I do. Given funny names to things. No one's ever heard that before. I had never heard it before and I thought it was very interesting. You also said something about La La Land, which we'll get to that on another show. I think I called you a sick puppy at one point.

I believe you did. Yes, I pull it on. So Aquafina is the lottery winner and then John Cena has a very interesting role, which is sort of a twist in the movie, but describe what he does. Well, it's basically since this lottery is happening and people are always fighting for their lives,

there are these protection agencies that have popped up and basically they, for a cut of your winnings, will get you to sundown by protecting you. And John Cena plays a kind of an amateur guy who does this. And he's like a one-man reckon machine. But what I love about it, he's just a big nerd. Last thing I want to do is a movie filled with toxic masculinity.

And I read this and it was just, you know, the first time I read it, I thought it was so much fun as chance to do kind of like a Jackie Chan style movie with lots of funny action. But then Sina was already attached. And so, you know, I did a zoom with him to kind of see if he was cool with me doing it. Right. The first thing he said to me was, I just want you to know, you don't have to make me look cool.

That was like, you're my hero now. Oh, that's great. Hey, I don't know how to make anybody look cool, but B, I didn't want to be on set with somebody like, I'm not going to do that. I can't look like this or whatever. Yeah. I mean, I, I, you read about those, uh, Fast and Furious movies. Like I remember when Fast and Furious presented Hobbs and Shaw.

Oh yeah, of course. How could I forget that? My buddy, Jason Statham. Oh yeah. And you have, uh, you have, But you read the articles about how they intentionally can't get punched more than the other one. Well, it's the action version of Laverne and Shirley. Remember those stories? Yes.

Like that they would count their lines. They had the exact- Well, also the billing, they each were awarded top billing accidentally. I think no one checked. And so they had to invent the Laverne and Shirley billing, which is they both appeared. Yeah. Uh, one had to be lower left and one had to be upper right.

Right. So if you read, unless it's like the Talmud or whatever, if you read one way, then you're also Romagna. Yeah. How's the Talmud doing that way? I think, I think it hit the list. It's on the top 10.

Oh really? It's back in the top 10? It is right below Hillbilly Elegy, I think. Those two right next to each other. And so yeah, John Cena plays, he's a very bright, kind of cheery, optimistic guy who is not action Arnold Schwarzenegger-y at all. He doesn't want to hurt anybody, but he just, he has his job. He needs to keep people away from her, but he doesn't like to hurt anybody, but he just, he has his job, he needs to keep people away from her,

but he doesn't like to hurt anybody, but he still has to beat them up. But he feels bad about it, he's apologizing, cause he's throw somebody out of a car, and so he puts a helmet on them first. Right, yeah. So they don't get hurt. It's very funny, and then Simu plays a-

A rival protection. Rival protection agency, yes. And then it's, I mean, it's so much action. Yeah. Which I was trying, I mean, you did Spy. Yep. Which had a fair amount of action. So how was it acclimating yourself to doing this much action? Because I mean, there are probably eight action sequences at least. Yeah. I mean, the whole thing's just a big, big chase. And so, yeah, no, I loved, I mean, my favorite thing in the world is doing stunts. I love stunt, the stunt community. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a stunt person. Really?

Oh yeah. That was my whole goal. I remember they had a, like a career fair at my, my grade school and I came back all angry. My mom's like, what's wrong? I said, there's nobody from the stunt man's association. Can you imagine they just in case a kid wants to be a stuntman? I hope they start doing it now.

Exactly. How did you train yourself to be a stunt person? Uh, oh, I fell off everything. I would, I would jump off everything. I would jump off the garage into boxes and stuff. And I, my, my gift that my dad got me when I was a kid was this mat. It was like a, like a long, almost kind of tumbling mat, but it was thicker. And it was long enough to fit in our hallway so I could run and jump and fall down and I would fall off the couch and get shot. Oh, no,

it was by to this day, I still I can fall down. I'm very good at falling down. Really? I had a roommate who in theater school who would fall out of trees intentionally. And then he taught a he taught a tutorial of how to fall out of a tree. Yes. Your kindred spirits. There's something about falling down that makes me laugh. Yeah, interesting. So at what point was, sorry to sidetrack on this so much,

but I'm fascinated with it. At what point did you say like, I'm not gonna do this. Or did you try? The dream is still alive, Scott. I actually, a lot of my movies, I actually take falls and stuff and when I have like stunts difficult stunts to my for my actors to do always do it first just to show

them that I wouldn't make them do anything I wouldn't do. Oh wow. Yeah, but I love it. I mean, it's you know, I could have I actually a dream would be to show up at like a pro wrestling thing is like a douchebaggy guy and then get slammed around. I'd be good at it. You now know John Cena. He's like in that work for a little while longer.

I know. Actually, I got to get him to put me in there. Yeah. Except I don't want to get booed. I want to be a nice guy who they beat up. I don't think that's possible. Oh, no. Have you ever been booed before? Yes. Oh my God. Because you used to do standup.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, I mean that, that was, that's more, you don't get booed so much. You just get silent. Yeah, exactly. Or laugh that. Right. That's the worst.

I had one time they, the improv open, tried to open a club in the valley, like right by the four or five, there was that hotel and they booked me in there. And so I'm on the side. It was like, I was like six o'clock in the evening or whatever. And there was, they let anybody in because they were so desperate for people and they run in some weird group. It was these girls. It was like a softball team or something, but they were like high schoolers with their coach.

It was weird. And so I'm doing this, my bit, one of my bits is I kind of would pretend to faint and fall down on the ground. So I'd like, ah, boom. And I hit the ground. And if it doesn't, you know, if you don't get a laugh, that is a big gap. Oh yeah. Because then you have to go like, crazy, you can't get up off the floor. Yeah. So I do this thing, hit the ground, and all I hear is this one group goes like, oh my God. And then they

all started laughing, but clearly like, like, laughing at how bad. Look at the weirdo. And it was just like, oh my God, I'm back in high school, I fucking hate it. When was the last time you did standup? Did you do it into your directing career? No, the last time I did standup, I quit doing standup in 1990, that's a long time. Oh wow. Yeah, and then completely quit,

because I was just done with it, I was acting and all that. And then three months later, I finally got booked on Evening of the Improv. And so went and did my act after three months of not doing it and if you ever watched that it's so clear that I had not done it in a while, so rusty, so I was talking way too fast and it was such an illustrious end to my career. And that was the last time you ever did it was Evening of the Improv.

Usually people use that to launch their careers. Oh no, Joel, that was why I was like I am done. It is over. No, I have so much respect for stand-up. I think it's the greatest art form that to dabble in stand-up bugs me. There's a lot of people that do that, especially in England. I find there's a lot of actors and stuff who like they do stand-up on the side. And then some of them are great. But some I've seen it just like, oh, you're just gonna talk and you know. It really is one of those things that you, to do it properly, you have to do it a lot. You really have to. And like several nights a week, like a lot of people do it seven nights a week. Totally, I mean, that's when I was doing standup.

I mean, that was it, I was seven nights a week. When I first started, the first six months when I was starting, because I started when I was 15 in Detroit, but that was kind of, I had my parents had to take me to the clubs because I was too young because I started when I was 15 in Detroit, but that was kind of, you know, I had, my parents had to take me to the clubs because I was too young to get in. But I went full time. Yeah, the first six months, seven nights a week, two or three clubs at night, because everybody had

an open mic then. Yeah. So that's how I got the... And you just, you just missed the alternative comedy kind of start and boom, which you would have fit in on. Well, yeah. And actually I did a bit of that. I had this character I created called Jimmy, and it was like, he was a kid's singer, and I wrote all these like really terrible songs that a kid singer might sing.

And I did that for some of the old clubs like Luna Park and all that. But I just felt like it's, I felt it was game over. Yeah, it feels weird to dabble and be a dilettante in a way. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Our guests are, there's other guests. Other guests are arriving?

Well, let's wrap it up with you. Let's talk, let's go back to Jackpot. This is a very funny movie and filled with action. Yeah. And you have great comedians as well who are peppering the entire. I've got the greatest surrounding cast. I mean, that's my favorite, is putting these great comedy people like Holmes and Taylor Ortega and Michael Hitchcock. And I mean, the list goes on and on of the funny people.

Did you know a lot of them beforehand or? Yeah. Okay. Well, I had my show, Welcome to Flatch, which was on Fox for two seasons, and then it got canceled. Hey, everybody. of The Flash, which was on Fox for two seasons. And then it got canceled, hey everybody. But that's where Holmes, who I found on Twitter, she was just doing these funny videos on Twitter. And so made her the star of the show.

Yeah, and then, yeah, most of the cast was from that. I just, I like, because I produced TV also, and that's a place to kind of do a farm team of funny people, and then when they're great, you bump them up into the movies. Right. Yeah, so it's fun. you bump them up into the movies. Right. Yeah. So it's, it's fun.

I mean, everybody in the movie is funny. Yeah, no, it's great. I mean, they're, they're, uh, the supporting character, her roommate, Awkwafina's roommate is very funny. Oh, God, aid my area. Oh, she's such a funny. She's very funny. And I looked her up and it was like, oh, she was on my show.

What's it? I didn't remember because we have thousands of people. Of course. Like, how could you possibly remember? Um, but, uh, yeah, everyone is super funny in it. And it's great to see you returning back to the movies. Yeah. I mean, you know, I've been I've been doing it, but I've been kind of getting I got away from hard comedy for the last couple of doing last Christmas

and School for Good and Evil, which were fun. I learned a lot, but I miss doing hard comedy. Yeah. Hard art comedy. Are they doing a sequel to that? Was it school for Good and Evil? Yeah, no, I don't think that's good. Oh, really? Well, we came out like number one worldwide for two weeks, and then we just kind of dropped because the book has has a lot of fans, but only so many fans. Right. It's kind of no, but it was fun. I learned a lot, but I want to I love being R rated comedy.

That's my comfort zone. What about X rated comedy? What if you did one of those? We're going to bring that back. Yeah, exactly. Just like the characters pause for five minutes, have sex in the middle of the movie. Isn't that all porn from the 70s? That was my dream in college.

I wanted to do a show and I think I better get some of these days called Porno Piece Theater where you just take pornos and you cut all the sex out. Right. It's just all the acting and the plot. Yeah yeah I think it'd be kind of great that would be great I feel like it's do it yeah you and I let's do it you can do stunts we'll make one and then we'll cut out the sex well jackpot is out now Amazon prime prime video that's right people can, I guess they go on their computers or their television.

No, watch it on the big screen. Watch it on the big screen. Yeah, rent out a movie theater. Yes, yes. We had our premiere at the Chinese in front of a thousand people and it just destroyed. Yeah, just destroyed. Wow, great.

It's out now on Amazon Prime. We're gonna take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have some more human beings on the show. We'll be right back with more Paul Feig. More Comedy Bang Bang after this. Ow. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

Paul Feig is here. Jackpot is the movie. Yes. And I'm surprised Jackpot has never been the title of a movie before. Well, it actually has. Oh. Yeah, but without the exclamation point. Oh, that's how you get around it. When you go to the discount bin. That before? Well, it actually has. Yeah. But without the exclamation point, when you go to the discount. That should be illegal.

I think, you know, you can't, you know, you can't copyright a title. You can't. Yeah. And you can't copyright ideas either. But get, dig this. This movie was originally called Grand Theft Lada. Oh, and we were all excited and I was told we had cleared. And then when we made the movie, uh, we were called by the lawyers saying like

they're, they're going to sue you if you do that. Right. But how do you copyright a legal term? Yes. The, the, the, it's, it's, it's if something causes confusion in the marketplace is what the rule is. I know my wife show, uh, bajillion dollar properties was I think called billion dollar brokers or something.

Oh, right. Something that was too close. And well, cause yeah, cause we were grand theft lotto and then when they did all that, I was like, well, let's call it grand death lotto. It's two words. The only thing left is grand. Right.

And they still said they were going to sue us. What if it was planned? Meft? That it was getting there. And then I was like, Oh, fuck these people. Yeah. But I'm sorry, I don't want to, I don't want to make the game that beats up women and does all this violence look bad. So yeah, these snowflakes suing people. We'll show them. But Jackpot is out now, uh, on Amazon Prime. Uh, very funny movie. All right, let's get to our next guest. Yeah. Uh, she, uh, she's been on the show before.

She, I don't know quite how to describe her. She's, uh, is it fair to say you're an elderly person or? Yeah, sure. You can call me elderly. I actually prefer ancient. It really applies to sort of a knowledge that, a knowledge that comes with many, many years. Yes. Really?

Okay. Uh, welcome back to the show Myrtle McGee. Oh, delighted to be here, Scott. Thank you so much for having me. Wonderful to talk to you again. This is Paul Fieg. Oh, hello, Paul. Hello, Myrtle.

So lovely to meet you. You look lovely for your age. Can I just say you are a dapper young man. Oh, thank you. Thank you. You're so well dressed. Early in the morning too. Paul's wearing a three-piece suit and we started the show at 8.45 in the morning.

And he was out till 2 AM at his premiere. Yes. That is his commitment to being on this show. Very fresh right now. Yes. It's wonderful to meet another person who clearly is just young, young in spirit. Yes.

So young and spirit. How would you describe what you're wearing here? Because it's. Oh, this is sort of, you know, this is my workout outfit. Oh really? You work out? Every day. You don't look like this in your mid eighties

if you're not, you know, taking very, very good care of yourself, eating well and working out every day. Is that sort of a jazzercise kind of outfit? Yeah, absolutely, it's a unitard. Obviously it's rainbow and yeah, from head to toe. You can just see my neck coming out, but yeah, it's tight. Did they make a duotard? I mean everyone talks about unitar. That's a great question. I feel you know a duotard is probably just a top and a bottom because it's two pieces. Una is one piece. That's right. The kids used to call me duotard when I was at school.

Yeah the very children are cruel. Yes. It's wonderful to see you. Of course, we spoke to you last time about your many husbands. Many husbands, yes, yes, yes. How many of you had over the years? Well, you see, the first time I was here, I was a widow 17 times over, and then of course I lost another one,

and surprise, surprise, we've lost a 19th since then. No! So I guess, yes. I'm so sorry, what happened, Myrtle? You know, please don't say sorry, because I am just so delighted to have been loved and be able to love in my life. I don't grieve my husband for more than a day or two. It's not worth it. A day or two.

You move on. I move on. I have to. We don't have all the years left to be grieving all the time. We just have to enjoy the good times. That's right. You know, I guess the road in front of you is shorter than the road behind you, and so why spend any time?

Absolutely. And now I will say the road in front of me might be about as long as the road behind me. I intend to live longer than anyone ever has. You think you might reach 170? Who knows? What is the record right now? Something like 125? I've got at least half a decade in me.

I mean, half a century in me. Oh, no. How many decades? Friday and Sunday. Oh, boy. We'll see where we go.. You're gonna keep going. May I ask what happened to Mr. 19? Well, let's see. Yeah, it was another really, really tragic situation. More of my husbands have died rather tragically. Let's see. This one, well, let's see. He was a banjo player. His name was Dr. PT Doladoy, attorney at law. And to be clear, he was not a doctor nor was he an attorney, but he did prefer that. So I just called him that.

I met him at a Bluegrass Festival a couple of months ago, introduced by dear friend, Steve Martin, who's also a manager. Oh, he's your friend. Yes, yes, we've made love. I believe it's his birthday the day we're taping this. Oh, excellent. That's interesting.

Yeah, that is wonderful. I did know that, of course, because he's a dear, dear, dear friend of mine. Now he introduced me and we just, Dr. Pit-Dollard, my attorney-at-law, and I just really, really hit it off. And I mean, I don't know. Did you see him play that first? Oh, I sure did. Yeah. Throw on some finger picks and you know, you've got my attention. How many did he use?

Three. Three. Three classic three finger picks. Yeah. And if you, you know, no surprise, he was really, really good with his digits. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. So we absolutely hit it off. So we got married really quickly. It was pretty much the next day. And then we were camping the following weekend with some friends and he was just absolutely crushing it. His whole band was there and he was tightening his banjo at one. And I think just tightened a little too tight and the string snapped and just cut him right in half. Oh, oh my goodness.

Lengthwise or? Wow. Widthwise. Hot dog style. Hot dog style. There you go. Oh man. Yeah.

So that's a tough way to go. It was tough. And boy, I mean, I can't believe how clean that slice was, you know? Goodness. That's the thing about banjos. Yeah. You know, I mean, you're deadly believe how clean that slice was. You know? Goodness. That's the thing about banjos. Yeah. You know, I mean. You're deadly.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And what was so attractive about him is he was really, you know, living on the edge, if you could imagine. Yeah. And his whole band was camping with you? Yeah, we were all camping together, me and the band.

And, um, you know, I've witnessed many, many a tragic accident in my life, as you know. And so for me, you know, of course I was shocked. This one was quite shocking, but I immediately went into comfort mode. You know, I knew that the friends around us were probably more shocked than I was. And so I started comforting the band members and I

ended up no longer. Sure. You'd only known him a week at this point. Absolutely. Yeah. And I ended up sleeping with the spoon boy. Oh, the spoon boy. Well, I would call him a boy.

He was a spoon boy, let's be clear. No, he is the one that kind of knocks the spoon on his knee. Oh, right. He only has one. Spoon man like made famous by the. Right, yes, by a sound guard. There you go. Exactly.

So usually you play with two, I believe, but he only has one. He just has one. Oh, an interesting technique. But he would switch knees every once in a while. Oh, that's fine. Yeah, and he'd kind of mix it up. So you slept with him. Is he going to be Mr. 20 or?

No, no, he is not. Has been materially at all. Oh, really? Yeah, you know, he's not very good in the bedroom even once in a while. No, he just knocks, knocks, knocks, and kind of won't let go of that spoon. So no, he really was not as much fun as Dr. BT Doolidoo.

But anyway, he did introduce me to some good cinema. Oh, some good cinema? Tell us about it. I mean, Paul, of course, you're a director. P.T. Doolidoi. But anyway, he did introduce me to some good cinema. Oh, some good cinema. Tell us about, I mean, Paul, of course, you're a director. Yeah, you must love the cinematic greats. I do, I do. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, let's see, the one, you know, I won't even say it was cinema as a whole.

It was really just one scene from one movie that really stuck with me. Oh, really? Okay, what was it? It's the movie Munich. Oh, there you Okay. What was it? It's the movie Munich. Oh, there you go. Munich. You're aware of that movie. I believe so.

Yeah, Eric Bana. Eric Bana. Eric Bana top liner. Yes, Eric Bana. All too rare these days. And boy, do we miss those because he was absolutely gorgeous. Yeah. The hair, you know what I mean?

Yeah, the hair and everything underneath it. Absolutely. I have not seen the movie, to be clear. hair, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, the hair and everything underneath it. Absolutely, and you know, I have not seen the movie, to be clear, I don't know what the movie is about, but I do know one scene that I really like from that movie. I haven't seen it, so I don't know. Yeah. I don't know which one you're talking about. Which terrorist, who were the killer?

It's a scene where he is making love, and he's stunning, and she's absolutely stunning as well, right underneath him, and they're making love, and they're sweating's studying and she's absolutely stunning as well right underneath him and they're making love and they're sweating and having a really good time. And then he starts to have flashbacks of these absolutely unspeakable acts that he's committed. And he sort of works out that trauma on her.

And boy, it is a delightful scene. So I've, I've watched that many times. And he introduced you, the spoon guy introduced you to this just one scene. But just that scene. Just that scene. We just watched that on repeat one night and then I said, thank you so much.

I've had a wonderful time. I'm gonna go start a new business. Wow. Oh, you're starting a new business. What? You're really bearing the lead here. What's, I had no idea you were a small business owner. Well, yeah.

So, you know, I saw that scene and I thought, boy, he can't be the only, obviously he's a fictional character, but he can't be the only person who's experienced. Is he a fictional character or was he based on a real person? Again, never saw the whole movie, have no idea, have no opinion on it whatsoever.

That's cost me a fucking fine. And so, you know, I thought, well, there's probably a lot of people out there that are experiencing some version of PTSD. I know I've probably experienced a fair bit myself. Well, you've been around so much death. Yes, so, so much death. And I thought, why don't I start to help these people, you know, and do some sort

of therapy that can help them, you know? I read the book, The Body Keeps the Score. We used to just call it, you know, a good old case of feeling sorry for yourselves. But here I thought, you know, maybe there's something to this. the body keeps the score. We used to just call it a good old case of feeling sorry for yourselves. But here I thought, maybe there's something to this. And so I started a business. I'm gonna start doing therapy for people with PTSD, young men who have done unspeakable things.

And I'm starting my cranial sacrum massage. Oh, okay. Did you just play that scene from music? I play that scene. Oh good. And just tell them to imitate what he's doing. Yeah. I do the, the, the massage. I start with the cranial sacrum massage and we do some, we start there and then, uh, and then we kind of see if we can work out some of these demons.

Right. Do they, uh, do they all have to look like Eric Banner? Yeah, of course. I have a wig for them and a whole, you know, yeah. And I, I found a t- them. Oh, a wig for them. Yeah, I found a t-shirt that's almost exactly the one that he was wearing in that movie. Oh, nice. And I throw it on and none of them are opposed to that because it's...

Do you think he was wearing the t-shirt the entire movie? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it looks like it's been swept through the whole time. Was he wearing it in bed? Yeah. Now this isn't you just auditioning for New Husbands, is it? Well, you know, I'm always, always in the market for new husbands, absolutely always in the market for it.

If it's the right person, but you know, I don't, I'm not gonna rush into something, you know, if it's not a good fit. I have a friend, Alamoni Tony, who I think you would be really, you would hit it off. It sounds like I really like him. He loves marrying people, he marries for love. Oh, I would love to meet him, Scott.

I wonder if you could- He's been married in his 50s, 50 times at this point. My goodness. I had no idea there was someone out there that could be, that's fascinating. Oh yeah, he's the inventor of Gash's paper. No, his mother invented Gash's paper. Oh, and what is Gash's?

Gash's paper, they use it in NASA because that way they can write Post-it notes and then they just disappear. Oh fascinating. So they're disappear. Oh, fascinating. So they're not floating around his face. It's like the Snapchat of a paper product. Exactly, yeah. That's so useful, you know, really useful product.

You gotta meet him, because I think you guys would get it off. I would love to meet him. So, I mean, is there a point where you hope you perish before your husband? Oh, God, no, absolutely not. No, are you kidding me? No, like I said.

You like the situation where it's at? Sure, yeah. I mean, there, no, absolutely. No, are you kidding me? No, like I said, you like this, the situation where it's at. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I there has to be something about this. It is something about the universe that is targeting me as someone who could, you know, have the best last couple of, you know, weeks, months, years with someone before they tragically pass. What's the longest that you've ever been married? Oh, two years. Two years.

Yeah. That's I mean, that's a good chunk right there. Yeah, that was a large chunk. I mean, not to say we weren't faithful to each other and didn't want to be during that time, but we were married. Is there life insurance involved in any of these marriages? Yeah, that's one of the reasons that I go into it. Oh, very. I love different types of life insurance for couples. You love different types of life insurance for couples. Just more opportunity there when you're married, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good point.

Yeah, so anyway, I just, I thought I would, you know, come on and at least share what I'm working on and, you know, see if anyone out there in your audience is interested in some- What's your screening system here? Like, because, I mean, they have to, they have to look sort of like Eric, kind of, for this to work, right?

Sure, they come to my house, I have a treadmill outside, I put them on it and we let them sweat it out for a little while and then I sort of evaluate kind of what they look like after that. And if they look like someone I'd like to have on top of me for a while while they're screaming and crying, then yes, I say absolutely. Because there's only so much a wig and a t-shirt can hide.

You know what I mean? It can't hide lot, though. Yeah, that's true. It really can. So is there a questionnaire? Is there an interview, a Q&A? No, really, just the treadmill. That's all I do.

Just the treadmill. Yeah, absolutely. Wow. And then, of course, if it's someone that I might be interested in marrying at some point, I divulge my past. And I tell them about the many husbands that I've had. And I make sure that they're OK with the fact

that this could come to them as well. At some point. Do you feel like you're cursed? Oh, absolutely not. I think I'm blessed. Sure. But I mean, do your husband sort of, if I were a potential husband,

and I'm not saying I won't be at some point, but I would kind of look at your history if you cared to divulge it to me. And I would say, I feel like this person is bad luck. You know, I would just say to that, you know, I would say to those people, don't do dumb things is what I would say. Don't do dumb things. Most of my husbands have died doing relatively dumb things. You know, there's the husband Arthur who died of chubby bunny contest, too many, too many marshmallows in his mouth. You know, there was the one who died. Uh, we, this was one of my early marriages.

We went, um, we went, we broke into a ski area late at night and we were, uh, we climbed up the ski, the ski slope. And then we took off one of those mats. You know how the, the big ski poles in the middle of the slope, they have those big mats so that if you're skiing and you hit it, you know, a big mat, it came to the one that used to be in your hallway. Exactly. I love that.

Yeah. And so we took that off and we went sledding. And then, you know, would you know it, we sled right into the same pole that we took that mat off of and he was on the bottom and just. And he's honey boned? He broke the fall. Oh boy, did he break it. Yeah.

He was, he was hard to identify, but I only had a little bruise on my chin. What did you hit with your chin? I guess it was top of his head. Yeah. Whatever part of his head was top of his head. Yeah. Wow. Whatever part of his head was still kind of there.

Yeah. Yeah. How long did it take for that bruise to fade? About a week. That was a long bruise. That's just enough for the life insurance to come in. Really frustrating on that one. So are you independently wealthy now with all this life insurance or?

Yeah. I mean, I think wealth is just a word. I get by, absolutely. I have a lot of different businesses and sure, I've inherited many, many millions of dollars over this period. Alamone Tony is a billionaire because of the gashous paper.

Oh, excellent. I cannot tell you how delighted I am. We have to hook you guys up. But the idea of meeting him, please. And if you want to go on a second date, we'll pay for it. Oh, I would love that, yeah. How old of a man is Tony? Tony is, I believe he's in his 50s or 60s.

Oh, so this is a nice- Yeah, I mean- No, it's perfect. So he's a little bit of a younger gentleman Tony? Tony is, I believe he's in his 50s or 60s. Oh, so this is a nice- Yeah, I mean- No, it's perfect. So he's a little bit of a younger gentleman. Oh, that's perfect. But the one thing is he marries for love, but- As do I.

If it doesn't work out, he loves giving alimony to his ex-wives. Oh, I, yeah. And he has more than enough to go around, so he just loves- He sounds reasonable. He sounds absolutely reasonable. Yes.

We gotta hook you guys up. I would love that. Oh, amazing. Well, you know what? We're gonna take a break. Okay. When we hook you guys up. I would love that. Oh, amazing. Well, you know what? We're gonna take a break. Okay. When we come back, we have someone from Waste Management. Paul, have you ever talked to anyone

who was in Waste Management? You've had Waste, obviously. I've had Waste, exactly, and I've managed it quite well. Yeah. But never, no, I've never met- You're sort of an amateur in that regard. Yeah, I've never met a professional, so I'm very excited about this.

Okay, fantastic. Well, we're gonna come right back. We're gonna have more Paul Fiegg, more Myrtle McGee, and someone from Waste Management. What a show. We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Yeah.

Yeah. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back with Paul Fiegg, the movie Jackpot, out now on Amazon. Yes. Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime, not just regular Amazon. No, if you had regular Amazon.

Pardon me. Get the hell out of here. Yeah, I know. You can go to Amazon Prime. You can go to Amazon Prime. You can go. Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime, not just regular Amazon. No, if you had regular Amazon, get the hell out of here. Yeah, I know exactly. You gotta get that Prime. You gotta get all the stuff shipped to you for free. Yeah, as you're watching the movie, you can order some. Yeah.

There you go, whatever you like. I do like on Amazon Prime, it's the only streaming service I think, where if you pause the movie, whoever's in the scene comes up. Because sometimes you'll be watching movie going like, who is that? And then like the picture of like whoever's in that particular scene and their name pops up. Really?

Yeah. So you can immediately identify someone. Oh, I never pause movies. So they have to do it just to see what happens. You've never had to take a little tinkle during a movie? No, I like to just sit through it the way that a director wants it to be sat through. That's right. I sat through your movie in the way

the director intended with my email address. Just huge. On a tiny phone. Right in the middle of the screen. Watermarked. Watermarked, yeah, to make sure that I didn't share it with anyone. So if you see my email address pop up on a bootleg copy of it.

Well, that's the one we're releasing on Prime, actually. It's part of the fun. We also have Myrtle McGee here, small business owner, elderly woman, but about half as young as she wants to be. Half as old. Don't call out her age. What's wrong with you? I beg your pardon. Yeah, no. I mean, I've told you, I never, never tell my age. I'm mid-80s, right in the middle of 80s, but I'll never tell you my actual age. I mean, it sounds like you're 80. Again, never, don't even try to guess.

You'll never get it. Don't even try, okay. I'll never get it. Well, we have to get to our next guest, and this is very exciting because as human beings, we all consume things and we all create waste. And now more than ever, he is a waste management specialist.

Please welcome to the show for the first time, Johnny Manicotti. Hey, how you doing, Scott? It's great to be here. It's me, Johnny Manicotti. Nice to meet you. It is you, Johnny Manicotti. It's me, Johnny Manicotti in waste management.

Waste wink. You know what I mean? Big wink. I don't know what that means. If you catch my drift, I'm a waste management consultant. Consultant? Wink. Wait, so you're only consulted about this.

People inquire with me about, hey, how do we get rid of the waste over here? And I go, hey, you know, get out of my face. That's a harsh word. That's usually how I'll go. Yeah, well, you know, I'm a harsh guy is the truth. Really? That's the truth of the matter. Well, this is Paul. Sure. Yeah, well, you know, I'm a harsh guy is the truth. That's the truth of the matter. Well, this is Paul.

Sure. Hello, Johnny. Oh, Mr. Fricks and Gicks over here. That's me. Oh my God. Me and the guys in my outfit, we love Fricks and Gicks. Oh, thank you. We couldn't get enough of it.

I mean, you know why it's a show about unlikely friendships? A Frick can be a friend with a Gick. You know what I mean? It's like how a waste management consultant can be friends with their city councilman. You know, it's just part of the deal. It's only up and up. That's right. Yeah, it's above board. And when that show got canceled, me and my friends got so mad. Oh, I didn't. We got so mad. Some of our execs went missing. Yeah. Well, I think I might know who had something to do with that. It's finally come together. Another big wink. We wanted to drive to the president of Fox's house and leave Homer Simpson's head in his bed.

That's what we wanted. We were so mad. You couldn't find him though? You couldn't find Homer Simpson. No. He's a Springfield. Springfield. Oh, God. Yeah. Springfield. But what state? We'll never know. That's the problem. It would be great if they just came out with that this season. They're just like, oh, by the way, this is Iowa. Massachusetts.

You think it might be Massachusetts? So there's a Springfield, Massachusetts. No one has these Boston accents. Yeah, that's true. Boy, you'd be a good detective. Oh, thank you so much. Then we'd be at odds, but that's all right. This is Myrtle McGee, by the way.

Hey, Myrtle McGee. Hi. Wow, is that your real name? Johnny Manacati. Well, it may or may not be my real name. It is. It is. It's my real name.

Do you like Manacati? What's that? Do you like Manacati? What's that? Oh. I'm so sorry. It's a pasta. Oh, it's a pasta. Noodle dish. Oh, OK. Oh, interesting. I'll have to look that up later. Are you a married man? Because Myrtle's in the market.

Oh, I am a married man. I am happily married to my wife who, God, we love and we hate each other so much. My wife and I, Edie, oh my God. Edie. Oh, she's the love of my life. Edie, yes, Edie, she's the best. Beautiful Edie. The way she screams at me. We throw plates against the walls.

I mean, it's downright stereotypical in our household. Yeah, interesting. But I'm out here in Hollywood, Scott. I got an ulterior motive for being out here. I'm trying to sell my rights to my life story. Oh, OK. Well, you know, I don't know. I mean, you know, fricks and kicks,

but also as a film director. OK, all right. Yes, I know. I love a good true story. OK, well, this this may interest you. You know, I'm I've had a colorful life. Let's just say in the world of waste management, I specialize in wet work. if you know what I mean.

Oh, I specialize in wet work as well. Okay, Arnold, yes. All right, well, what do you mean? Do you mean cement? No, not quite cement. Let's just say I paint houses, if you know what I'm talking about. Oh, so paint shoes. Yes, yes.

That's what Paul gets when I'm talking about. Paint is wet, is that what you're saying? Yes, paint's wet, and I'll paint the house red with the blood from somebody's brains. That's kind of what I'll. That's not subtle at all. Well, hey, I can either confirm or deny. You just confirmed. I kill people.

I kill people is part of. Oh, yes. While you're painting houses. Yeah, yeah. I paint that. I come in, I paint the house. I lay down the blue paint, the tape, the sheet. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah. Your full server. I paint the house. I lay down the paint, the paint, the sheets. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, yeah. It's your full server. Yeah, do the primer and everything. And then once it's nice and clean and all the edges are lined up, I bring someone in there to kill them in the vacant house. Seems like I would do it the other way. Kill them first and then paint over all the blood. Interesting. Boy, that's Scott. You would do good in our cosinostra, I think. I think you would fit in just right.

So wait, you kill people for... Yes, I have been known to snuff a few candles, if you know what I'm talking about. You're talking about killing people still? Yes, right, committing murder. How many people have you killed? Oh my God, I hate to put a number on it on record, but it's gotta be 70. Oh, 70 be. Wow. Why, why does that number stick out to you?

Well, uh, cause it's one more than 69. And I remember killing by 69th and being just giggling. It's like, this is funny. I can't wait to tell the boys about this one. I would retire after that number. You know what I mean? Hey, well, I couldn't resist, you know, I couldn't stay away. But lately Scott, lately I lost my edge

no what's going on lost my noive a little bit oh I got the yips the murder yips I can't get past it because I recently learned Scott I'm about to become a father. Oh, congratulations. Yes, my Gu-Ma is 13 weeks pregnant. Oh, Edie is done. No, no, no, Edie's my wife. Oh, my God. My Gu-Ma is 30 weeks pregnant. You're so honest.

Well, yeah, come on. She knows the deal. You got to have a little something on the side. Scott knows what I'm talking about. I know what you're talking about. I have not experienced it. Scott knows what I'm talking about. My brother knows what I'm talking about. I absolutely know what you're talking about. I have not experienced this. Scott knows what I'm talking about. I am.

My brother knows what I'm talking about. Absolutely. I know what you're talking about. I support it in every way. Yeah, you got to play the spoons every once in a while. I'm sure Edie's got stuff going on on the side too, and that wouldn't make you upset, would it? That would make me absolutely furious.

Oh boy. If Edie ever looked any direction but towards me, I would snap. I get my nerve back. I tell you that. Wow. So when she leaves the room, she has to back out of it. Still maintaining eye contact with you? Yeah, that's right. I insist on constant unwavering eye contact. Okay. And she gives it to me because she's a good wife, but this isn't about her. It's about my pregnant boom. I know, but I just have to drill down on this. So in the bedroom, you've never done it doggy style? Let me think about it. No, we always do it what we call Munich style.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Where I'm pouring sweat and I can't stop thinking about all the things that I've done. And you're looking right into her eyes the entire time. Are you wearing a t-shirt? I'm wearing, I'm doing this thing where I have a t-shirt on, but I have it tucked up behind my neck. So it's like on my arms. Oh, that's amazing. You know what I mean? I know what you mean.

So my chest. Yeah, exactly. Yes, exactly, yeah. So the sweat can pour down more easily? Yeah, because she likes to sweat. And then you can put the shirt on really quickly. You know, it's a faster way to put it on. Exactly, it slides right down.

It's important. Yeah, it's important. So congratulations, you're gonna be a father. Thank you, it's a faster way to put it on. Exactly. It slides right down. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So congratulations. You're gonna be a father. Thank you. It's unbelievable. You haven't had any children? Never had any children. I never thought it would happen to me, you know, but it turns out I don't shoot blanks. OK, in more ways than one.

You know what I'm saying? In two ways. In two ways, I shoot less ways than three. Yes. Right. Yeah. Let me think. One, two. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. People in shooting by potent semen into a uterus. Will this destroy you from painting houses? This is what I'm dealing with, OK?

Because lately, I thought I could do both. I thought I could have it all. But then the other night, OK, me and my friend, Joey Rigatoni, we were driving an associate of ours who, let's just say, had worn out his welcome. We were taking him on a long drive to nowhere. Why are you talking like this? What do you mean? You mean the accent or... Oh, no. I mean, yeah, if you want to go back in a macro sense, yeah, the accent. Well, sure. Let's talk about the Italian diaspora.

You know what I mean? No, I guess what I mean is the euphemisms. Like, we know you kill people. Oh, yeah. Why are you being so cagey about it? I wasn't trying to be cagey. Nowhere is a place in the Pine Barrens where we kill people. Oh, ho ho.

And so we were trying. He was in the front passenger seat. I'm in the back seat. I'm pulling out a nice tight banjo string to get ready to wrap it around his neck. Oh, wow. Myrtle knows what I'm in the back seat. I'm pulling out a nice tight banjo string to get ready to wrap it around his neck. Myrtle knows what I'm talking about. These things cut through the glass of metal. It's insane. Clean cut. Super clean. Beautiful. I'm sitting in the back and I'm about to, we're just putting it in park. I'm supposed to strangle this guy.

You know what I mean? And all of a sudden I get a notification on my phone I got one of these pregnancy apps I got one for Italians it's called Bambini and I give it app and it tells you you know what your baby's doing right now what the little fetus is doing and it said right now how do they track this is there a camera in there no no no it just you know I put in the date of oh, I know My phone's very Yeah, they'd also my iPhone dinged the moment I we Anyway, I get a notification and it tells me hey, hey Your baby right now is the size of a lump of fresh mozzarella. I just boasted the tears, Scott.

I boasted the tears. How could you not? How could you not? As I dropped the banjo string, I said, get out of here. Just get out of here, go. I mean, this thing has me considering the frigging sanctity of human life over here.

Maybe you could do sort of a take a penny, leave a penny situation. What do you mean? You're creating life over here. Maybe you could do sort of a take a penny, leave a penny situation. I mean, you're creating life. Okay. And maybe you, that gives you the license to take one. Well, that's interesting. Cause I've always wanted a big family and lots of little kids running around and that would really line up perfectly with my instinct to murder.

Yeah. So I mean, one for one, sort of like a Scorsese thing, you know, one for me, one who is like a who? Oh, yeah. Oh, I never, one for one, sort of like a Scorsese thing, you know, one for me. It's like a who? Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. Not familiar. I don't like Italian movies. Because you get that at home. Yeah, I get it at home. We go to the theater.

It's a bossman's holiday. Yeah, exactly. You know, I'm trying to watch friggin' Munich, you know? These guys are different than me. They do a lot of the same stuff but anyway so I just I don't know what to do like I got these yips I can't kill anybody no more I mean you know have you tried like taking it all out all the change out of your pocket and like putting it in the different pocket and you know that's all I've been doing for weeks I've just been moving you know how we all have changed now that's right I've been moving that around but moving on my loose second you weird coins from one pocket to the other but it ain't working it

ain't doing it's not doing nothing I had to go kill a snitch the other night okay you know you snitch and I had to go he was at the local mall so I waited for him in the back he's at the local mall so I waited for him in the back. He's at the local mall. That's a convenient. I know I was like this is good I don't have to drive all the way to freaking Vermont. You know I could stay in Jersey. So he's coming out of the mall he's got shopping bags full of stuff okay. I got my gat. That's what we call the gun. Oh thank you so much. Yeah you're welcome. And I got it pointed at him at his friggin melon head and then he sees me he freaks he oh god don't kill me he drops the bags one of the bags was from toys our ass cat and out came oh boy I don't want to cry oh I'll came a little

a little blue eat all yeah bingo blue eat the family, I mean these are the characters I must become familiar with this Oh, it's all I said get out of here. Oh my god. Get out and go raise your child This is a time to snitch cuz it would be a dog. I'm gonna take it down Yes, I don't want to advertise it But if you were interested in snitching on the family operating in North Jersey, there's The wet word guy is compromised. Keep a bluey. That's yeah Keep keep the bluey strap on you So is this what you're trying to sell as a movie the the the guy who yeah

Oh, I I've because that's an interesting twist. I know it's very sense. It's unusual, right? Yeah, and it's it's made me pivot into other things. Oh, okay. What have you pivoted? Well, I've just been, first of all, I've been running all over town, running errands for my Gu-Ma, because she got all these cravings. Oh, pickles. Pickles and watermelons and all this stuff.

And I'm driving all around and I'm driving around listening to Harry Nilsson at full volume and going to the grocery store and then to the friggin' Target and then to Bed Bath & Beyond over here to get the crib and all this. Meanwhile, I got to tell my brother to stooey the sauce. Is that another euphemism? No, no. I got a big pot of sauce. Oh, okay. I gotta make sure. So you started doing that vowel replacement of the oy on words like stir now? Stoy! Yeah, what do you mean?

I say it the way I always say it. All right, okay. And I've got- Anyway, continue. And I've started trafficking white powder, Scott. Oh. Baby powder! Oh! Ah!

That's adorable! Can you imagine? The reversal you all just experienced was shocking to you, no doubt. You're a changed man. That's right. I'm a changed man. Now I'm doing new things. I'm burning down illegal casinos to replace them with Jim Berries.

This is the math of the conceit. Sure. It's just replacements. It's standard replacements. That's all. I think this is a movie not unlike Vin Diesel's The Pacifying, where a tough guy gotta make good with a new baby. So it's got a comedy element to it. I think it's hard drama.

I don't find anything funny about what I'm doing. For me, it's life and death. I just wanna get the tone right. Yeah, okay, well please. Look, I can't believe I got to school this guy on tone. He wants to throw in jokes. He wants there to be a gag reel at the end. Well, Paul said he was returning to R-rated comedy now.

He is? Yeah, so I mean, I don't know if this is going to work out. I can go dramatic. I can not be dramatic. Paul's got it in him. He directed the best episode of season one of Mad Men for crying out loud. Thank you so much. Come on, we got it. Thank you, Jack the best episode of season one of Mad Men for crying out loud. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Finally he's recognized for this. The one where Betty shoots the bullets. Exactly. There's nothing, a woman is never hotter than when she's committing a random act of senseless violence against a small animal. With a cigarette in their mouths. That speaks to me deeply. That's just something I love. Glad we could get you with that. And I can't wait to teach my children

how to torture small animals. He's getting emotional. While smoking? While smoking a cigarette and listening to a Bobby Helm song. And I can't wait to teach my kid to set little fires in school so that he doesn't have to finish his exams. What I love is finding out what a softie Johnny is. Yeah.

I am, this is what I'm learning. I mean, I'm softer than that little ball of Butzerel. Wow. I just don't see this as a problem. I think this is a new chapter in your life, Johnny. Because the guys don't seem to like it too much. Yeah, I mean, you're letting all these people go. I'm letting all these people go. Well, they like it.

Are you going to get whacked? Yeah. I hate to blow that out there. Oh my god. This is... Knock on wood. I'm knocking on the wood at home. I hate to blow that out there. Oh, this is knock on wood. I just don't know the politics. I don't know. Well, the politics are basically, you know, you cross us, you're getting wetworked. You know, that's true. Is there anyone else who works with you that you have to look out for a

partner? Oh, yeah. Well, of course, Joey rigatoni. Don't be about it. Okay. And let's think of some other days. Yeah, well, of course, Joey Rigatoni is happy about it. OK, and let's think of some other days. Yeah, what are some other salad involved? Yeah. Yes. Frankie Ridicchio, he's good. Frankie Ridicchio is he's mad and he's bitter. It's a bitter, bitter man. And that's it. That's it.

Yeah, those are the two people. Caesar, Caesar. Oh, Caesar. Yes, Caesar. Caesar Pecorino. Oh, man. He's a double threat. He's a double threat, and I gotta stay away from him now, or at least I gotta keep him away from my guma

because she can't get near any raw eggs. Oh, there. So it's a whole situation. So no, then I might have to get into witness protection at some point. Okay, I mean, that's an interesting third act twist in a movie. Yeah, right? Witness protection. I know, it's got a Goodfellas kind of vibe. What's that? I know, you haven't seen it. I'm not familiar. I don't know. I just

worried I'll live the rest of my days like a schnook, you know what I mean? That's not what I want. That's exactly what they say in Goodfellas. Really? I gotta check this out. Get that schnook over there. I gotta check this out. I guess. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of parallels to what you're talking about. Okay, well, I'm hoping to stir up a bidding war for this screenplay about my life that I've been writing. You've been writing it. Can we hear a little bit of it? Oh, yeah, certainly. Yeah, let me get out my screenplay. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. So you bought Final Draft. Interesting. Yeah, but I bought Final Draft. Well, I was rocking Celtics for forever. And then they stopped updating it at a certain point. That's the thing, at least Final Draft is too big to fail.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, kind of like our Cosanostra. Anyway, okay. Interior. A house. A house. Yes, yeah, you got a problem with that? No, no, give it be notes over. Yeah. I know is it day or night? Okay, let me check it day. Oh wow Stay all right. Okay. Okay easier to light. Yeah. Yeah easy to light no night. Shoes. Okay You have a double read Okay, Johnny Manicotti enters strong hot You have a juggle, Rick? Yeah, I can't read. Joey, okay.

Johnny Manicotti enters, strong, hot, T-shirt tucked behind his neck, but still over his arms. He raises a gun and points it at Joey Rigatoni. He pulls the trigger. Freeze frame. Johnny Manicotti, Vio. That sounds for voiceover. Yeah, that's right. I bet you're wondering how I got in this situation.

We're starting in the end that we're going to. In media res, yes. Music queue, Tony Bennett's rags to riches. Oh, this is so much like. What are you talking about? They use that song? I think so. Yeah. Okay. All right.

But then it's smash cuts to be in the baby department of a Bed Bath & Beyond. This is different. Yeah. Yeah, that's different. Right. And then it goes on and on from there. It's very well written. Yeah. Is that good?

Yeah, it's nice. Isn't that, doesn't that grab you? Yeah. Cause I was wondering how you got into that situation. That's what I'm saying. So once I figured that out, I was like, I's nice. Doesn't that grab you? Yeah. Because I was wondering how you got into that situation. That's what I'm saying. So once I figured that out, I was like, I got it. And the rest, I can fill in like a Jim Carrey screenplay in the 90s, where it just says like, you know, Jim Riffs.

There they go. Like, I'll just do that. Are you hoping to get Jim? They fight. I'm hoping to get Jim to play me. Oh, yeah. Come on. He could stretch.

He could be dark. He did the number 23. Was it 23? I don't remember. Was it Michael? That was a movie about a guy who's obsessed with one number and he sees it everywhere. He sees it everywhere, the way anyone would

if they thought about any number. Yeah, so I'm hoping to, you know. Much like the way you think about 69, it sounds like. Oh, there you go. Don't make me laugh, Scott. 69, come on. Is there a scene where you finally get your 69th kill? Yeah, there's that scene, and it's intercut with the scene of me and my guma 69ing.

Oh, interesting. That is exactly like the film Munich. You're intercutting something else with the 16. It's beautiful. Perfect. Yeah. Myrtle, maybe you could work on this film. I would be absolutely honored to any degree.

I would love to bring me on for whatever I want. You know, I could be an intimacy coach. An intimacy coach. Absolutely, I've had more intimacy in my life than probably all of you combined. So you're saying that Jim Carrey's in the room with, I don't know, Gina Gershon, and they're trying to figure out their 69 position,

and you're there to go, just go for it. No, no, no. I would get in and I would show them how. I would put, yes, I would put Jim on my body and I would say, this is how it works. And we would do it and we would show them how it actually works. And then whether or not they want to have the insertion is up to them. Whoa. I got to say the packaging of this project is just getting better all the time.

It's all coming together. We got Myrtle as the intimacy coordinator, Paul Fegas I got to direct this. If I can't sell this, then I can't sell it. Gina Gershon. Gina Gershon is attached. She's coming back, we got her. She's a dynamite, come on. And you know, I'm hoping we can get this made. You know, I've written a screenplay here and there. You have?

I could punch up certainly what you have. Punch up? You got jokes and goofs and gaffs? I mean, punch down. Punch down. Punch up the drama. Yes. Yes.

Or punch up a snitch or something. There you go. That's something I understand. Yes. Yes. OK. Well, sure, I'll take your input, Scott. I mean, I'll take a note. I can take a note without freaking out getting extremely. You're freaking out right now

Your face is turned red What are you reaching for? Freaking Steve over here about the new foggy mountain breakdown Freaking neck Wait Johnny Johnny I'm friggin' Steve Mime over here about to do Foggy Mountain Breakdown all of a sudden over here on your friggin' neck! Oh, I can't wait Johnny. Johnny, can you hold yourself? You're a fatter now. You're a fatter, you can't be killin' Scott Ackerman on tape. You record the tape, right? Yeah, definitely. Reel to reel to reel.

Reel to reel to reel. Exactly. Wonderful. That'll never go out of style. Yeah. Cool. I've calmed down. Scott. Oh wow. I really went somewhere.

Maybe it's time for you to get out of the business and just raise your father or raise your child. No, I should raise my father. Yeah. What's going on with your father? My father's a handful. He's teething. He's teething at the moment.

It's brutal. I'm like, aren't you fricking 90? What are you doing? Life goes full circle. Yeah, it certainly does. Yeah. Shitting in your diapers to shitting in your diapers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The story of life. It's the cycle of, that's beautiful. Let me write that down in my screenplay. Oh yeah. That could be the last line maybe. It's the story of life. Fade out. Fade out? That's good. We just need to fade out these days. I know what I mean? Like a long, slow, slow.

Well, when he was reading, when Johnny was reading his screenplay, I was confused if it was the first scene because I didn't hear fade in. Oh, my God. Look at me over here making a mistake like this in front of all friggin feed. Oh, boy, there you go. God damn it. OK, well, hey, we live and we learn, don't we? Yeah, don't we? Just a slow, slow fade. 30 seconds slow fade. 30 seconds.

Slow, slow fade as we play Sid Vicious' cover of My Way. Oh. This is, I mean this is a whole- Get some edge to it. Yeah. What do you say? It's a lot like another movie. I don't know.

Is it Goodfellas or- This is completely original. Casino. I'm not sure. This is original, okay? This is, I already mailed it to myself so it's copyrighted. Oh, okay. Wow, you know all the tricks I know all the tricks. Wait, did you open it though?

You didn't register it at the writers. Yeah, like every amateur writer's good. That's a union that needs some cosadostri I mean they got Fran Drescher over at SAG. What do we got? Friggin' nothing. Well, congratulations, Johnny. Thank you so much. I mean, when is the baby due? The baby is due in February.

February. February, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that means you were having sex in... Let me think. November? Oh, yeah. November. It goes the other way.

The long gestation period. At Scott I got news for you. I was having sex that whole time. Okay. It wasn't just back in May. All right. Munich style. Yes.

Munich style was having sex considering my horrors and thinking what hath I wrought? And then ejaculating and going, yeah, I'm actually all right I'm actually alright. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about this? Oh boy, I can't tell you. It's so fitting. Everything we're talking about here. I feel like you need my therapy. I'd be happy to come over and I could therapy you, your goomai and your wifey. Absolutely. We would have a wonderful three, three, I guess four some at that point session. And we can work out a lot of these demons. And I'm gonna tell you something. I really don't think that you need to go back to the murdering if you're having a nice.

Yeah. If you're looking forward to a life where you didn't have to do that, you know? You pass it off to your associates. Yeah. Yeah. Let me call them right now. Let me get my associates. Oh, yeah. Will you be the same interesting person you think if you stop killing? Or it would be like a heavy set comedian who then loses a lot of weight

and people say they're not fun. Are you thinking of a specific person? No, no, nobody. You ran in the same circles as some of those. To answer your question, would I be the same interesting person? No, I don't think so. No, I think I would become mundane to some degree, but I'd have to enjoy the simple pleasures of the miracle of life. So you wanted to call your associate right now? Yeah, let me call my associate. Beep, beep, beep.

OK. Hey, Joey. Hey, what's going on? Joey. Hey, Johnny. Hey. Oh, this could go on for several minutes. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Your phone's on speaker, you know. Your phone's on speaker. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, my. Hi. Hi.. Oh, ouch. You know, your phone's on speaker, you know? Your phone's on speaker. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no more. Are you still stuck in that well? Well, I'm not gonna get you out. I don't even pull my friends out of Wells no more. Yeah, I'm in Los Angeles. Okay, I can't come back. Guys, I'm caving. I'm caving. I'm going to go back. You're doing great. No, you're doing great. Give me strength. Look, let me just give you a little massage here. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. The magic. Yeah, I'm getting a massage over here. What business is this? You're in real Hollywood. You're going out to Los Angeles.

You're getting a massage from what I'm assuming is an elderly lady. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that sort of a get shorty situation going on over here. What is that? I don't know. You don't know? No, I don't know. It's just a coincidence. You're the one who brought it up! Listen!

I gotta go. Cause I gotta be a dad. Okay? Hey, congratulations. I heard about that. Thank you, dad. I ho- I'm sorry. I hoisted about that. Yeah, sorry. What am I- What am I from?

What am I thinking? You're in a well. You're in a well. Yeah, I've been in'm sorry, I'm hoisted about that. Sorry. Where am I from? Settling in a friggin' van. You're in a well, you're in a well. Yeah, I'm in a well, I'm excused. By the way, you're on the line with an old lady in Paul Feig. Oh, hey, I love that. Hey, thanks. I love Bridesmaids.

Oh, thanks so much. I love Fricks and Gicks. Oh, thank you. Please watch Jackpot when you get a chance. Yeah, it's on Amazon Prime. It is, do you got that down the well? Yeah, I think so. I got a bunch of stuff delivered to me.

Like, I got a ladder delivered to me. Oh, wait a minute. Uh-oh, click. OK, wow. Intra, thank you guys so much for your help in that moment. You did great. I feel so empowered. So proud of you.

No day for you. It's a new day. It's a new dawn. It's a new life. And I'm feeling good. Wow. Wow. That could be your book.

That could be your book. Let me write that down. Yeah. Fade in Wow. Wow. Incredible song. Yeah, let me write that down. Yeah, okay. Fade in. Fade in a song, okay, got it. Okay, great, wow. Well, congratulations. Thank you, Scott.

I'm afraid we're running out of time on the show. I'm singing so! This is a nice optimistic note to go out on, but we only have time for one final feature and that is, of course, a little something called plugs. So let's go four, three, nose. Stick your pinky inside of this tiny crevice here. Oh no, you missed the plug bag and opened up my rear window. Okay.

Okay. Wonderful, that was Plug It by Hitchcock James. Hitchcock James. That was a fantastic. If you have a plugs theme you want to submit, go over to cbbworld.com slash plugs. And you can be famous for a week and Hitchcock James, you are famous this week. Congratulations. Use it wisely. Yes.

What are we plugging? Paul, obviously Jackpot is available now. Yeah. Jackpot is available now on Prime Video. It's tons of fun. Watch it loud and watch it spin. 2,000 pounds of fun. 2,000 pounds of fun. Exactly. And if you want to also, my cocktail book is still out called Cocktail Time. Oh wow. The Ultimate Guide to Grown-Up Fun. You can get that anywhere. And my gin, Harding Stoll's brilliant London Dry Gin, my own gin that I make.

I designed it. It's my recipe. Yeah. Oh my like in your bathtub or? No, it's actually my shower. No, no, it's. That must be hard to get enough of it. It's very hard. It goes all over the place. Yeah. Uh, no, it's, it's legit.

You can get it. Uh, go online, go to artingstallsgin.com. Fantastic. And then you're, I didn't know about your cocktail book either. It's, uh, it's like recipes or it's a. Yeah, it's recipes. There's also lots of advice on how to set up your bar. It's lots of funny stories from my life mixed in with the drinks and everything.

Oh, fantastic. You're a real man about town. That's me. I always tell you. Myrtle, what do you want to plug? Oh boy, just my new business, Cranny, a sacrum massage with Myrtle McGee. We do it down in Riverside, in the basement of Riverside. Do you live in Riverside? No, just all. We do it down in Riverside, in the basement of Riverside. And do you live in Riverside? No, I just, all of my business is take place in Riverside. Oh, interesting.

And Johnny Manicotti, obviously you wanna plug, you're gonna be a new father. I wanna plug the concept of fatherhood. Sure. Please, there's no greater high that I've experienced since I saw those two lines on that pregnancy test. So fatherhood's good. What were the lines on the pregnancy test? They said you are Baby with a bus on your app. Yeah my yeah, and Obviously if you guys need a copy of Paul's book or a bottle of his gin, I have some that fell off a truck

You guys need a copy of Paul's book or a bottle of his gin. I have some that fell off a truck. That's where that went. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, there's this friggin' idiot, Devin Field, who does some podcast stuff. He's got a show called Foist Hand. F-I-R-S-D-H-E-D.

Foist Hand. There's going to be new episodes this year. Oh, that's exciting. Yeah, isn't it? Because the old episodes are so great. Yeah, they're so fricking. To be new episodes this year. Oh, that's exciting. That's exciting. Yeah, isn't it? Because the old episodes are so great. Yeah, they're so freaking... To think new episodes?

Can you imagine with some of your favorites over here? I know. Is Devin one of the guys that you spared? Devin is a guy I spared. He owed an inordinate amount of money for his insane gambling debts. What was he gambling on? He was gambling on the Olympics. He bet heavy on Ray Gun to win the breakdancing.

Oh no. I know. I know, this guy's a frigging moron. Who would have thought that it wouldn't go well? I know, you hear breakdancing, you think Australia. Well, I wanna plug, we just got finished with the West Coast part of the tour and in a couple of weeks,

we're going out to the UK and Ireland. We are in Glasgow on September 4th, London, September 6th. Oh my gosh. Bristol, September 9th, Dublin on September 10 and 11. We just got moved into a bigger theater in Dublin. And then Manchester on September 12th. And then we also added East Coast dates. On October 16th, we will be in Montreal.

I believe that goes on sale this week. And October 17th, Troy, New York. October 18th, New Haven, Connecticut. October 20th, Tarrytown, New York. And October 21st, Red Bank, New Jersey. Right in your neck of the woods. Whoa, I gotta come out to the frigging show over here. Yeah, we gotta see you out there.

Yes, we must. And if you don't let me in there's gonna be help to pay oh boy just show them a bluey doll and you'll get it. Oh god just thinking about it making me cry. Alright well that's it for plugs why don't we close up see L.O. Open up the plug bag everybody's joining in And open up the door back to close the flag Cause it's time to open it up like another day A little baby opens up the head

And now here we are with the blood I wanna hear all your blood Now's the time to tell me your plugs. And that's how you open the freaking Plug Bag, enjoy and tell me your plugs. Wonderful. That was close. The Plug Bag, parentheses, Final Battle Remix, end parentheses, by Rudd Ruse. Thank you so much to Rudd Ruse. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Paul, wonderful to see you again. Scott, always great. Another 10 years I'll see you. Yes.

Hopefully you'll join the prestigious Three Timers Club. Oh, I can't wait. Oh man, that would be amazing. I'll be right in my seventies. Yes. And Myrtle, I mean, right in your seventies. Yeah, that's my sweet spot. Yeah.

Yeah. So wonderful to see you and good luck with Mr. 20. Thank you so much. And that intro to Alamani Tony would be much appreciated. Yes, we have to hook you guys up. I'll call him very soon. Thanks so much. And Johnny Manicotti.

Yeah. What's going on? Nothing, I just said. Oh, you sounded so despondent. No, no, no. Well, every once in a while, I just kind of space out and consider all the lives I've taken. Oh, okay. That's nice. Your T-shirt is now consider all the lives I've taken. Oh, that's nice.

Your t-shirt is now above your head. Oh, boy. That's my comfort place. You are sweating so much right now. I know, it's freaking hot in Los Angeles. Hurtle, you're in it. Yeah, I'm feeling really good about where we're going right now. Seems like I'm going to pick up a second.

Good morning. Scott, you and I better get out of here. We better go make our porno. It's time. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.