Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Polly Wolly Cule (Lisa Gilroy, Jacob Wysocki, Charlie McCrackin)

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

LA radio personality Wiz Bang, cowboy Rusty “Hawkeyes” Tutherford, and an AI reimagined being, Burlesque Ives, join Scott for the second-ever CBB Roundtable. In this very special edition of Comedy Bang! Bang!, Scott and his guests discuss the issues of the day and how they can maybe solve some of the world’s biggest problems. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb

Give mehame, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy bang, bang, bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang. Comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang. Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice, and give a medium amount of men, thy ability to smell. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Not Alvaro Mendez for that catchphrase submission and thank you so much for it. It's only two years old. Submitted in September of 2023 and appreciate it. I hope you're still alive. And I hope all of you out there listening right now are still alive. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang

and welcome to Comedy Bang for another edition. And we have something very special on this episode of comedy bang bang that's right it's the return of the CBB round table where the table is round but our guests are squarely how do I do this again where the guests squarely are squarely amongst the issues I don't know I can't remember exactly what the tag of it is but but this is where we honestly we cut the BS of the normal show. The normal show we have celebrities on. We have movie stars, TV

stars, comedians with their specials. We're putting all of this, that aside right now. Who gives a shit about all of that because we're here to talk about the issues of the day? And I have an esteemed panel with me here today. Three people and myself

all around the round table. One of us is at 12 o'clock. I'm not going to give away our positions. One of us is at 3 o'clock. One of us is at six o'clock, and one of us looks to be a little more like 9.30. I wish they'd scoot over, get back into the... There you go. Okay, you're back in nine.

Thank you so much. The table is round, folks. That's one promise that we give at the CBB roundtable, and we're going to be cutting the shit and getting right down to the issues of the day on here. Let me introduce my panel here. They've never been on the show before, but they're here to talk about what's going on. They are a local Los Angeles disc jockey At 102.9 here at K-40, which is K-F-R-T, I believe.

Please welcome Wizbang. Whoa, what's up, Scott? 102.9, whizbang and the frizz. Whiz bang? Oh, where's the frizz today? Do you mind me asking? The frizz has passed away. I'm so smart.

Just me today, brother. But hey, happy to be here. Cooking up in the studio with my main man, Scotty Scootman, honkers the hunk man rat fratty pants big duky donk in those heavy underpants king of the north

thank you so much may I ask how long ago did the frizz pass away oh frizz got hit by a helicopter a helicopter this is Dr. Rocket Romano style from E.R. Yeah yeah Tuesday night you went up to

this Tuesday night yeah this Tuesday night we can freak on diggeral pops we can rank on wriggle pops. Hey, taking requests all night. Whiz bang and the frizz. So he went up to where you were saying? He went...

Top of his roof on his building, I guess. Smoked a cigarette and got hit square in the jaw by a helicopter. That's what they don't tell you about standing on roofs of buildings is a helicopter will come by and just take you right out. Oh, they'll whiz, bang, and the frizz. Trueer words have never been spoken. And what is your... What time period do you DJ in? Are you a drive time?

2025. Okay, so you're not a time traveler. No. But what are your hours? Oh, I do the daily commute. You know, someone's got to have someone to listen to drive time, dive time, dive time, fly by time. Time flies by with whiz bang in the fritz. So what are we talking?

5 a.m. to 9? 5 a.m. to 5 a.m. 24 hours. Plus 1 hour. Extra 5 a.m. So you're just, you're going. 25 hours in a row. Yep.

And then do you take a break? Then I get in my helicopter and I cruise. Wait, wait a minute. Were you the person who ran into the frizz? I can't be sure. I was asleep at the wheel. Helicopter has a wheel inside. A lot of people don't know that.

They have several wheels. Wheel is one of the greatest inventions ever. Do you agree? I completely agree right after the titty. My man, my main man, Scootie honkers, give it to me here. Okay, I don't know. I don't think I can.

It's not really my brand. Honk it, don't squawk it. Hey, her. Exactly. Okay, I honked it once, but... Honk, honk, honk, uh, the fritz. But I'm not going to squank it, okay? All right.

We'll see. By the end of today, you'll be squanking at all for us. All right. Well, Wiz-bang, wonderful to meet you, wonderful to have you here on the panel. We're going to be talking about the issues of the day. Are you prepared for this? Nope. Okay, well...

Well, we're going to get to them, and we're going to get your point of view. And you have a valuable point of view. And you have a valuable point of you. of you, I think. How long have you been in L.A. native? Oh, you can't say native. Okay. How, uh, how long have you been indigenous to Los Angeles? I'm actually originally from Ohio, but I love the milky skies of Los Angeles. It's a cool 88 degrees Celsius. Celsius. That's a little too hot, actually.

If it's 88 degrees Celsius, we are burning up. We're in trouble. It's going down. I'm yelling timber. All day requests. Radio HFA, the frizz. Well, it's wonderful to have you. We're going to be talking about what's going on in the news, what's going on in our communities, and I really value your input here as someone from not only Ohio, but you've been in Los Angeles for a while now. 62 years. 62 years. Yep, just short of 69. And when that hits, boy, things are going down. I'm yelling timber request live all night on 102.9. The phrase. Not sure it's just short of 69. He's got about seven years ago, but good luck to you when you get there.

Let's get to our, not our other guest, but another guest. He is a cowboy. And I didn't know that they still had cowboys, but I'm looking forward to talking to him. Please welcome Rusty Hawkeyes, Tufford. I'm a cowboy, baby. Hey, Scott, happy to be here. Mr. Tufferford, so wonderful to have you on the show. What's up, man?

I'm doing really well. Howdy. Of course, howdy. Yeho! All of the lingo, I'm sure you know all of it. Tell me about being a cowboy. How long have you been a cowboy? And what exactly does a cowboy do these days?

Well, I'm a real well-rounded cowboy. I think a cowboy is pretty broad term these days. I've done it all. I've been a hero. I've been a villain. I've been an under five-word actor and a film. I've been a sidekick. man, a rancher.

Did I say a villain already? You said a villain. The rancher is the first job you've actually said. I've done it all. Scott, I'm a well-rounded cowboy. Are you sitting on a vibrating chair? No. I got a snake in my throat. Oh, no. Are you all right? Do you need assistance or? I don't think you want to go down in there.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. He might come out. Who knows? Okay. We'll see. I'm used to him. I'd love to. Oh, how long has he? been there. Many, many years. Okay. And how old of a gentleman are you? I, you know, I figured out a lot of things about me. Who, what, where, why, and when's a question I was hoping you wouldn't I ask. Okay, well, who what, where and why Wednesday on 102.9th, the fritz. That's right. And so, I mean, you must be about the same age because you've been here 62 years. When did you move here, Wisband? When I was six months old. So you're 62 and six months. That's right. Just but a baby. Oh, and how old of a gentleman are you? I don't want to talk about time. That's right. That's right. I forgot. It makes a little tough to talk about time.

But I am in the twilight of my life. I'm quite old, Scott. You think that there are less years in front of you than there are behind you? Oh, absolutely. I'm walking off into the sunset. And one day this giant hat's going to get put up on a barn and never come down. That is a huge, huge hat. I've heard of a 10-gallon hat. How many gallons would you say that is?

This is about the size of a small swimming pool in an old. apartment complex in North Hollywood. Wow. About 8,000 gallons. Incredible. Listeners, if you can call in right now, guess the amount of gallons that this hack can hold closest to win a flat screen plasma TV. I'm afraid I've already told them. He said 8,000 gallons, I believe.

Listeners, if you can call in and say 8,000 gallons, you will win this flat screen, color screen, TV screen, TV. Wow. I mean, we can't take calls here, unfortunately, whizbang, but I appreciate. I don't know who has our number. Hi, I'm just calling to say, hi, I just wanted to guess 8,000 gallons. Oh my God, who do we got on the phone here? Oh, my God, my name's Bethany. I just wanted to guess.

Well, you just welding yourself a flat screen TV, Bethany, take care. All right, thank you. Didn't leave any information to how to get this flat screen. Wow, that was quite impressive. That was impressive. How do you suppose she'll get this flat screen? Are you going to deliver it personally? Scott, can I be honest with you?

Yeah. I was the caller. What? Yeah. So I do, I kind of do, you know, I don't have a phone system set up on my show either, so I'm kind of all the caller. Oh, really? Oh, so this is like a Phil Hendry kind of thing?

Yeah, it's exactly like Phil Hendry. Where are you? Phil Hendry. Yeah. It's very famous for. Look, listen to me, Phil Hendry, it's exactly like him. Okay. All right.

All right. Good. All right, whizbing. Are you talking about Phil Dead Lips, Hendry? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The voice of Kermit the frog.

I remember an old bandito. named Phil DeLips Landry. This is one of your antagonists in your life story. Oh, yes, it's so nice to remember the good old days of the American frontier. The American frontier. When did we get into the bad new days? 1920. So everything pre-1920 was great.

1860 to 1920 was whoops. Uh-huh. Oh, no, 2.9. Good Bobby. Wow. Well, it's Rusty. Can I call you Rusty? You can call me Rusty or you can call me Hawk Eyes.

Hawk Eyes. And what does that refer to your nickname? When I was a baby, my first eyes were not my own. They were hawk's eyes? They were hawk's eyes. And so why is your nickname not Hawkeyesyesyes? Well, it doesn't have a good roll off the tongue. And Hawkeyes does?

Yes. It's a lot easier. It wasn't easy for me to say. Because I stumbled over... You get used to it. Tougherford. Tougherford. Because I'm one tough son of a bitch.

Gotcha. We used to shoot... I miss shooting people, Scott. It seemed like you could do that way more back in the days of the Old West. You better believe it. No one would care. Everybody was killing everybody.

And these days... You can't even crack. You can't even crack a joke about shooting somebody in the ramp. These days, I mean... you can't even make jokes about a lot of stuff. Amen, brother. Father God, you killed your only son on the cross.

Oh, Jesus. He gave him a crown of thorns and put his head with blood. Amen. Okay, well, it's wonderful to have you here, Rusty. I'm going to call you Rusty, if that's okay. That's fine. And let's get to our... God, your voice is beautiful.

I just love the way it shakes. Thank you so much. Just reminds me, you know, on my show, I have... this little masturbation kind of tool that I make women sit on and it shakes them around. A Sibian? Pervert alert, got you in the action.

What, no! Sounds like you're sitting on one of those. What, no, I'm not on a Sibian? How do you make your voice do that? I got a, there's a snake in my throat. Okay, sure. Let's see that Sibian that's underneath you right now. I'm not sitting on no Sibbians.

The only thing I'm sitting on is my mule. Klop shlapperman. Oh, Klop. I didn't realize you were on a mule there. I can't see under the table. He's a very small mule. Okay. Well, the table is round and plenty room for a mule under there.

That's all I have to say about the CBB roundtable. That's all I have to say about it. Don't say anything more. I'll hold you to it. I'll say, hey, remember when you said you didn't want to, you crossed your own boundary. Keep me honest, Rusty. Hey. I need you here.

I'm right here. Well, let's get to our final, the final member of our panel here. and he's a folk singer. He also famously, I believe, portrayed a snowman in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, I think. Please welcome Burl S. Ives. Oh, the mandacity. Scott, you got my name wrong. I'm so sorry.

What part of it did I get wrong? I understand. It's very understandable. The S is not an initial. It's Esk. My name is Berl Esk. Burlesk guys. Burles guys.

Oh, I'm sorry, I must have misheard your PR person who brought you over here. Yes, Burl Ives died 30 years ago, Scott. Oh, oh, okay. And who are you? I'm Burlesque Ives. I'm a reimagining of your favorite folk singing, family-friendly, Oscar-winning actor. Okay, so you're like a reboot. Correct.

Okay, well, great. Oh, it's wonderful to have you here. Thank you very much. I'm glad to be here. And are you related to the famous Burlives? I'm a reimagining of him. Right, okay. So it's sort of like,

I guess when comic books reboot, the new 52. It's a little like that, yes. Yeah. Are there parts of your origin story that are a little bit different than the original Burrell Lives? A computer took all of Burl Lives. That's a lot of material right there. That's right. Yeah.

Physically and in terms of his work. His output, his uvra. That's right. The computer. This is your origin story? That's right. The computer took all of Burl Lives and revamped him for today. Okay.

And what is more modern about you than the original Burrell? I contain all of modern sexual politics and social liberalism. Okay. So the George Floyd protests. Huh? Never mind. Why don't you catch him up to speed? No, that's okay.

I really, I don't feel qualified necessarily. Then why'd you bring it up? Look, I, he opened the door. I just thought I'd walk through. Let my love open the door call all day and all night, radio requests. So, I mean, the original Burl Eichel Ivanhoe Ives, he was born in Hunt City, Illinois. That's right. 1909.

And you were made by a computer. That's right. So that's one of the many differences. Right. I'm all the intellectual property of Burr-Ives modernized. Okay. And then you also, your name is burlesque, Ives. Correct.

And why did you change it to burlesque? Well, there happens to be, people are much more sexually evolved than they were when I was alive. Okay. I mean, he was alive. So you think that if the original Burlives were alive today, he would do the same thing because people are more sexually adventurous? That's right. I take all the subtext out of his folk songs and put them all his text. Okay, so his many folk songs, like funny way of laughing, a little bitty tear.

Yeah, but not those two, specifically. Those they didn't use. Do you have any powers that Burlives didn't have, any special abilities or anything? Tell us about your powers. As a modern reboot. Reveal your powers. Well, I definitely have character actor power. Okay.

Right? I think the original had that too. That's correct. Like Austin Powers. Do I make you home? baby wonderful character wonderful character wonderful franchise we were all very proud of our work in those films and uh i was in number three of course and gold member um i like gold that's right that's something me and him got in comments is tom cruise and i have

starting a movie together wow do you get a cake i don't get one of those you don't get a coconut cake yeah the coconut cake he never sends me one but uh wait tom cruise and you did a movie together Gold member. Yes, Austin Powers gold member. Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise was in Goldmember? Was he the back of fat bastards's head? He portrays Austin Powers in the beginning of the movie. Oh, right.

In an uncredited cameo, but I still counted as we starred in a movie together. I'll give it to him. You would, too. I would, I would. You know, I would. I mean, hell, I'm still talking about what I was hanging out with two-bone Charlie. Why would they call him Two-Bone Charlie? He only had two bones Spine and a cock And boy could he play pool

One of those is many bones And the other one's not one at all Come on give it to him Give it to him Come on burlesque Give it to him 22 bone Charlie doesn't have the same ring To it

He's got several small bones In a cock they'd say Me too I mean, look. Who amongst us? Well, gentlemen, it's wonderful to have you here on the program here. It's wonderful to have you with us, Scott. Just steaming up the studio with your charisma. We are loving it. Thanks for joining us. I love that. Whizbang, so good to have you here. And again, my condolence is about the, it was the frizz or the... That's right. May you rest in peace. You brought a lot of your drops with you. I know that's done. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the drop board's broken, so I've been doing it all by mouth. Yeah, it seems like you don't have, you don't, the ability to take calls, you don't, your drop board is broken.

No, but I can do it all, you know, I can do it. You're making me really want to have a drop. There's just something about the fun you're having. Well, you did have that whip sound. That's just my whip. Oh, okay, right. It's on the side of my mural. Well, gentlemen, it's so wonderful to have you here on the CBB round table. We're going to get to the issues of the day. The table may be round, but we're just squarely in the middle of the, issues. I think that's how I said it. And are you guys prepared for this? Absolutely, Scott. And if you guys are driving at home, stay at home driving. Mm-hmm. What's on your minds? Before we get to the questions of the day, what's been on your minds lately? I'll start with Burleske Ives, who is, of course, a modern reboot of Burl Lives.

What's on my mind? What's been on? What's in your crawl? What's sticking in your crawl? What's going on? What have you been thinking about? What are the issues of the day, according to you? But I hear gay marriage is a thing, and now it's soon to be not. Possibly, yeah. Here I am new to the world, and I'm not even going to get a chance to experience gay marriage. Yeah, either participating in it or looking lovingly at it. Either way. I'd like to do it all. I'd like to get it from all angles. Sure, yeah. I mean, look, as human beings, we only go around this lifetime once.

Why not do every single thing that's available to us? Legally. The original Burr Lives could never. He, who knows if he wanted to. Well, I do. Oh, you do? Oh, really? Was he interested in, uh, well, I can't tell.

Well, then why bring it up? You brought it up. Oh, okay. I mean, he was, uh, married twice, once to Helen Pack Elric, uh, and wants to Dorothy Costa Paul. Are they still with us? They actually married each other. They did they?

Good for them. They have 1995. Once I passed away, they married each other. I'm sure they had a lot to talk about having you and common and whatever happened between sometimes a common enemy is the strongest bond the enemy of my enemy is my friend from what i understand they found out afterward oh that oh they got married and then they found out afterward that each of them was separately married that's right they're like why were you signing this check from burrow ives's estate this one's for me and they said no the other

one said that's mine and they both realized they were getting checked for my estate that's an incredible story. His estate. Sorry. No problem. I understand it's confusing. You never mentioned, do you have any powers? Tell me your powers. Austin powers. I think we got off on the Tom Cruise of it all. You were in a movie with Tom Cruise? He sure was. I like gold. Well, I have the power to look on the top like a

Burley, middle-aged snowman, and at the bottom, you know, fishnet stockings. Oh, okay. Vah, voo. I mean, it's not a power as much as just, you know, what you look like and what you're dressed like. Okay, ladies, call in any time if you feel like your tits look like a snowman and your legs look like fish. Anytime. Oh, wait, we're getting a call right now, it seems like. Hello?

Oh, my God. Is this Sharon Osborne? It's me, Ozzy. condolences on your loss i'm so sorry yeah Sharon how are you how are you doing how are you holding up i'm holding it together rosy so it's so sad she's still saying Aussie she's still saying i wanted to guess how many gallons could that hat hold oh no we've moved on to uh thousand gallons you're you're off but we've moved on to uh you were supposed to call in if your tits uh look like snowman oh um yes they do bye

Oh, okay. Oh, thanks for calling in. And any of you ladies on the road, calling in any time today. It's all requests, all live. Averill Levine. Well, that's exciting. All Avril Levine, if you request it.

I'm sorry, my mule keeps farting. It's okay. I understand when a live animal is in the studio. And anything on your mind, Rusty, speaking of which? Oh, just that I'm getting towards the end of my life and remembering the good old day. I miss going on hideout, Scott. Yeah, that must have been so fun.

Hanging out in the bad lands with bad, bad, bad man. So you would, essentially, you would rob a bank or a stage coach. Yeah, and then retreat to a hideout. And just keep cool. Just kick it there. Hey, we'd kick it. We'd post up old school style. Sure, the oldest.

We'd get nasty in that thine. So wait, you guys would rob a train and then go fuck each other in this hideouts? Hey, what you're doing in the badlands stays in the badlands, Scott? So did it stay in the badlands or have you taken that behavior outside of the hideouts in the badlands? I leave it there. You leave it there. I leave it there. Okay, so whatever goes on in the bad lands, just stays in the bad lands.

Absolutely. Back then, a bunch of bank robbers wouldn't have been comfortable telling people that they all had sex with each other after they pulled a ice. but today bank robbers can have sense with each other all they want. Well, you're on such a high with the cash flowing out the bags from the horses behind because you're romping so fast, and there's really only one place to take that kind of energy. It makes you horny, Austin Power's style. Oh, the mendacity.

Is that what Burlives is catchphrases? Yes. Oh, the mendacity. Was that from Rudolph? I can't remember. Yeah, Rudolph filled with menaces. He was. I mean, you know, for a reindeer. Of course, we have to update that song. Oh, really? What's the new update, Burle? Asked. Rudolph, the horse hung reindeer. Okay, well, I mean, yes, pop culture has gotten a little course since you've been away.

That's right. We've got to cut through the chatter and make people want to listen to the whole thing. Yeah, got to be noisy in order to gain the attention. It's the attention economy. Are you telling me people aren't listening to whole songs anymore? They're not. What are they doing? I mean, they'll listen to about 15 seconds of a sped-up song on TikTok. Oh, my gosh. I mean, TikTok probably meant something different to you back in your day. TikTok was what you were looking at when you're about to rob the train.

You were looking at your stopwatch, getting them all lined up with all the other robbers and villains and cricks and criminals. So back in the day, you would look at your stopwatch. Yes. And instead of short-form content, you would just see the numbers on it. We'd see the numbers and we knew it was time to ride. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, I mean, think, yes. Yehah! Why don't you, honey, baby? I'm a cowboy, baby.

Well, you know what? We're going to get to the issues of the day. Whiz-Bang, I didn't ask you what's on your mind. Do you have anything on your mind? I mean, you're still grieving. I'm missing the frizzing the frizz. You said it. What did the frizz-offer to your partnership? Oh, we were whiz-bang and the frizz. Sure, but what... He-haws, chuckle-fucks, back and forth, stuff like that.

How did he compliment you... Tickle, tickle, kiss, kiss, kiss. stuff like that stuff like that yeah so you guys would go on hideout too sure yeah in the bad lands spending a lot of time there

stepping to the bad side so it seems like you and that's where I guess our modern society you have that in common all three of you are very sexually adventurous in a way I'm not

you're not really I've never had sex I mean we call them virgins oh are you you're not experienced in that way meet Virginia She doesn't own a dress Hair is always a mess

You catch a stealing She won't confess So Scott We don't have the rights to any of the songs Which is why I've been singing them Well that's okay Yeah That'll fool the algorithm

But do you want to have sex? And I'm not saying with me Is it good? People seem to like it What do you guys think? I mean rusty burlesque I'm programmed to be sex positive So as long as you're into it

And he's into it I'm into watching Consent Oh you like to watch it That's right. Oh, okay. Silver and gold? It's a silver and gold.

I'm a cuckold. I'm a cuckold. So that's the new updated. My wife being plowed like the driveway under my Christmas tree. That's beautiful and that's a great update. I love that. I love the sound of that. That'll make the new generations really into that.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, exactly. So, no, sex is good. Sex is fun and it gets better when you're more connected with someone. Well, sex is natural. Sex is fun. Sex is best when it's one-on-one. That's beautiful.

Did you write that? I didn't miss a little gentleman by the name of George Michael wrote that. Who I wish they would reboot. Missed little gentleman? Did he win the pageant? George Dusty Rumps, Michael? He was missed little gentleman of, I believe, 2002, I think. Oh, my God.

What a high honor. Yeah, it was incredible. By the way, whichever you missed little gentleman. Because I know I saw the posters. I was in 1973, actually. Oh, wow. Yeah, before the Austin Powers franchise. Are you going back for the Crown Little Miss Gentleman All-Star round?

Yeah, we're doing the All-Stars. I'll be reporting on that. I'll have a booth set up. Oh, okay, great. I'd love to see you there. I'd love to see you there. Well, whoever sees each other first. It'll be me.

I'll have my eyes on you. Okay, well, I hope not. See you coming from a mile away. Okay, well, you know, we do have to take a break before we get to the round table, if that's okay. But when we come back. The round table, where the table's round and the people are square and the opinions is squarely in the middle of the round fucking table? Yeah, exactly. Whizbang. When we come back, we're going to get to the issues of the day. We're going to hear from our panel what they think about what's going on in the world. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more whizbang, more rusty Hawkeyes, Tufferford. More burlesque Ives. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang. We are back. We're back for the CBB roundtable, of course, where we tackle what's on everyone's minds out there.

And we have an esteem panel here today. Of course, we have Whizbang, the disc jockey from Los Angeles 102.9, KFRT. I will always love you. That's a wonderful string of sound effects. And, of course, we have established that your board is broken, so you're doing all of those live. My board is broken, but my brain ain't. That's right. That's still working.

and of course RIP to the frizz Thank you Was there a funeral Or No funeral for the frizz That was kind of His one thing

That he would always say He would always say No funeral for the frizz That was to sign off on the show Really? Yeah He would go No funeral for the fris

Okay so those were his wishes So are his ashes Going to be scattered With a small Congregation of Friends Yeah yeah maybe Maybe Get some of the fans out

We might make it into a contest Oh okay Okay, that sounds, I mean... Who can catch the most, you know, ash from the air? Mm-hmm. Yeah, how would one quantify that? If you catch it on your tongue, turn it to goose, spit it in a cup, we can weigh it out. We do all sorts of fun stuff on the radio.

Sounds fun. Yeah, it sounds great. Well, yeah. By the way, I love your radio show. I think you're an impeccable host. Thank you so much. And if you ever want to be, you know, the frizz, be happy to have you. I mean, I might be looking for a lateral career move.

And you could make up your own name. You don't have to be the frizz. Whiz-bang and the... The jizz? You started doing j-sound. I know, yeah. And then I was going to take it into an even worse direction. I think so.

But I, let's talk about this on the next break. What do you say? I mean, what's the pay, you know? Oh, absolutely no pay. No pay. Yeah. All right. But the collars are hot.

Okay, I thought that you played all the colors. It's me pretending to be the collars. But I always do kind of like a hot girl voice. Can I hear an example of it? Give me a phone sound effect. Bring, bring, bring. Oh, we got to call her. Who's on the line?

Hello. That's not. It's me, Sabrina. Okay. Oh, I'm just calling because I fell out the stairs. My skirts wrapped around like the neck. Okay, we can call 911 for you. What is your location, madam?

Oh, 1,800. Mm-hmm. 1-800. How many M's that? It's got to be at least seven. Okay, 1-800. Okay, I'll call 911. Bring-bring, bring, bring.

Hello? Oh, hi, is this 911? Yeah. We have an emergency. Someone fell down the stairs. Oh, no. Heard something about their outfit getting torn off or something like that. I hope it wasn't a skirt got flipped up over a head, can't breathe in the skirt.

I think it was something like that. You've got to get there. Please, they need assistance in a hurry. Oh, okay. I'm over here. All right, this is an epic opportunity to do the prank where we have the 911 operator and we have the victim. We put them on the line and we make them each think they called the other one. Let's listen in.

Hello? Stay your alert. wait hello stay your emergency it's working it's working I'm cracking up in the studio this is some funny shit man this is good now we're gonna call a pizza parlor and make them think they ordered the pizza I'm linking in the call and the hell okay bring bring bring bring boom go go go oh don't pizza I'm having an emergency well slow down wait wait who's ordering what wait wait wait wait you sound hard wait wait wait wait

What? Wee. Wee. Okay, I'm hanging up on us. We fanging the frizzing. I mean, this is, this sounds like a good opportunity. It's kind of pranks that we do. That's the kind of pranks you do.

Yeah, so I think you could be good for that. Okay, let's talk during the break about this. But, but we have to introduce the rest of our. But, but, we, we, we, we. That's what you sound like. Of course, we have Rusty Hawkeyes Tufferford here. I'm a cowboy. baby,

Yeeho! Howdy! Whipsh! And he brought his own... Sound effects, I guess, it seems. It's contagious. Yeah, and he's on a mule, which is under a tiny miniature

toy mule. I wouldn't call him miniature. He's just small. Okay. And we also have, of course, burlesque ives here. Oh, the mendacity. Oh, ho, ho.

Oh. And burlesque. eyes, of course, being a reboot of the famous. I guess famous is the right word, although people don't really know about him. Famous, infamous people don't know about him. He won the Academy Award for Big Country. Big Country is a movie?

Yes, with Gregory Pack. Everybody knows that. It's weird for a guy to be named after his style of kissing, isn't it? Gregory? Yeah, exactly. That was a very Gregory kiss. You need to say Gregory's style, baby. I learned this in Greece.

Well, guys, we need to get to, of course, the CBB roundtable. We need to get to the issues of the day and talk about what's going on. I mean, look, everyone's talking about it. Things have been really kind of crazy of what's going on these days. And every time you kind of pick up the newspaper, and honestly, it's more these days, it's more like reading headlines or reading tweets about headlines, if you know what I mean. It can be overwhelming because so much is going on and there's... Oh, my God, the snake!

Get that snake back. Wait, that's your real voice? Get that snake back in mine. Come here, give it that snake back. Shoo! We're back in business, baby. Sorry about that. You had such a rich sonorous voice there without the snake.

I sound exactly the same. I beg to differ. Oh, really? hope I don't have to beg, but I will. You don't, please don't beg. I'm just going to differ. I'll fold if you beg. Okay.

Well, the snakes back in there, it feels good. Everything feels right and spig and span. Okay. Well, everything is crazy. It seems like the world can be oppressive these days with everything that's going on in the news. It can seem overwhelming. It can seem like a little bit too much. And that's what the CBB roundtable is here for, is for us to kind of get all these issues out in the open.

It's like you can't even run a scheme anymore, Scott. Schemes are very difficult, although. You can't even hang out with Morgan the Cheat Lawless. What was Morgan the Cheat Lawless like? Oh, he was a pool shark, and he'd play these games and rack people's bills up, and he'd say pay up, and they never had the money. And he said, we could call it even if you show me your hog. Oh, okay. Wow. And people would take him up on that? Oh, you better believe they were.

flashing hog left and right scott to get out of their debts i guess i didn't really ever think of the old west that way with people just flashing hog all the time we're flashing hog you were flashing i was flash oh yeah if you got a good one flash it so you have a good one oh it's nice it's whoops a snake coming out again hey go back yeah he's got it by the tail Okay, all right, we're back, we're back. Well, in any case, let's get to the questions of the day. Let's get to the topics of the day.

Everyone ready here for the CBB roundtable? Oh, yeah. All right, here we go. Everyone's been talking about this. What is your most used emoji? Everybody's been talking about it. Everyone's talking about like, oh, look at all these emojis. Look at all these emojis that are available.

What is the one that I use the most? Well, for me, it's the sunset because that's what I'm walking off into Scott. Oh, that is gorgeous. So when you text people, I would imagine, you don't have an old-timey stopwatch any longer. No, I have tried to update with the times.

Okay. It's hard not to. I've noticed that you have a modern iPhone, but it's connected to a fob chain. It's in your vest? Yeah, yeah. It's like a lighter leash, but for a phone, so it never goes too far. Okay. So what's the last text that you

sent? My last text just says, you want to get some Carnie Asada or Chile Verde? And then does it have the sunset

emoji right there? You better believe it. Wow. And that's because you're going to die soon. Well, yeah, soon I'm dying and I got to be honest.

I'm going to be going into retirement soon, Scott. So you're going to retire and then die? Yeah, I'm going to a retirement community, Scott, and then I'll slowly die. Well, then

I just don't go into the retirement. No, I got to go. It's already paid for, Scott. I'm going to Laguna Cush Village. It's a beautiful, beautiful retirement community. This isn't where I think it is. What do you mean? I mean, I heard.

Laguna Cush Village. What do you mean, Scott? Don't tell me this is in Cushopia. You know Cushopia? There have been guests on this show. I've talked about Cushopia. No way, Scott, I read about it in a bro. sure the lore about kushtopia has accumulated over the episodes it's well it's a tell me it's another

dimension another dimension uh the pamphlet says an alternate planet earth but sure okay well uh and it's in most everything is made entirely of kush that's what the brochure says mostly everything's good although they do have trains that are made of metal yeah well what else would it be made out of it would be hard to run if it was just kush you've heard of it that's so great have you been I've never been, but there's various guests on this show have been to Cush Topia. That's so exciting. I can't wait to go. Okay. Well, I mean, I honestly, I don't want to hear any more about it.

There have been too many guests who would talk. I mean, WizBang, have you heard about Cushopia at all? Oh, yeah. That's where my ex-wife lives. Your ex-wife lives in Cush Topia? I go every Christmas. Oh, okay. What's it like there?

Oh, Cush-topia, it's insane. The trains are made of Cush. No. It's one of the few things that's a... not made a kush in kush tobya mostly according to the brochure mostly everything's made a kush but the trains have to be metal in order to make sense a train made a nugs what are you doing hollowing it out you couldn't ride in a hollowed out pair I've been there I've seen it what's your favorite thing

about it the train made kush you ride it that kush gets lit up and go Oh, steamy and the puff come out. I think Whizbeng's lying about having it. That's the one thing that we established is not true. Wisbang, you don't have to lie to seem cool to us. I've been to Kushnobia. I smoke the train. Wait, so you've met a lot of the people from Kushtopia if you've been?

Yes, Puffy Masterson, Big Blunt Berry. These are not the people that I've met. Corey. Well, there's so many. Scott, you can't just think that there's only six people. It's a whole civilization. The motorcycle guy. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Marty motorcycle. He turns into a motorcycle, and he always forgets his motherfucking guns. Right. And who else was an original Lisa Gilroy character? There's Mr. Toots. Mr. Toots, of course. Cooter, the supercomputer, the executioner. Oh, the executioner.

Yeah. Mr. Toots a second time. A lot of people from Custopia have been here, but... You said Cushtopia. You've never been there. You've never been there. I said I had never been there. Oh.

I actually don't want to hear about it anymore. more. I'm surprised you're going. Oh, it says that everything was mostly cush, and that felt like a good way to retire. So you enjoy partaking the... I'm going to try it for the first time. Really? What if it doesn't agree with you? Suddenly you're in an alternate earth. Yeah, what if it gives you

a stomachache? I don't know. I feel like being a cowboy out on the prairie, you kind of get used to certain things, certain discomforts, certain comforts, certain discomforts, certain comforts, certain comforts. Are you used to, like, sleeping on tumbleweeds and stuff like that? I miss tumbleweeds. I mean, Cush is a lot like a tumbleweed.

You don't see tumbleweeds anymore. They're tumbleweeds in Cushtopia, Scott. I think they're made a Cush. They'd probably be made a Cush. I'd have to guess. I mean, if they're not a train, I think they're made of Cush. Mostly everything. Not pizza.

Pizza. Pizza is just pizza. Pizza. Which means there's wheat fields. Yeah, there's wheat fields. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there are cows that make the cheese. For sure, for sure.

So a lot is not actually cuch. Well, it depends what a lot is, right? It's all percentages. And in Cushtopia, the cows make the cheese? Yeah, what else would? What else would make cheese? You think you're squeezing a nugs nipples trying to get some fucking nug milk?

People make cheese. That's very telling of what you're into, my man. That's what all your accumulated computer data got to is that you want to eat human change. There's no data in my processing network about Cushtopia. No, I'm not aware. Well, it's an alternate earth burlesque. How would there be anything in the computer about it?

Well, I guess Burlives didn't know anything about it when he passed away. Burlives would probably love it. Maybe, yeah, did he ever partake of the kind? Absolutely not. It wasn't socially acceptable to smoke cannabis back in the 1909 to 1995. Well, now, you know, now it is. And everyone's been there and you got to check it out, Colin now to win two tickets to Kushtopia where the pizza is made of Kush. It's no

I want to make it Let's break it down Let's break it now What is made of Cush And what is not made of Cush? Okay, except for Trains Because they have to work

They have to work People have to get to work on time They have to get to wherever they're going on time You couldn't travel in a hollowed out peach Right Pizza Is pizza Pizza's just pizza

Pizza Right And so all of the ingredients in pizza There are tomatoes Yes Tomato fields Farmers who work on tomato field, I would imagine.

There are farmers who have cows who make the dairy. According to the brochure, yes. Right. And then there are pepper, like, what are the toppings? Cheese or pepperoni? Just cheese or pepperoni? They keep it easy and simple down in Cushopia. And it has to be ore.

No halves and halves. So I guess they have, uh, uh, what is pepperoni made out of, like, cow? Cush. Pig, pig, pig. They be pig. They got little pigs. So they got a little pig. So those are not made of Cush.

No. There are cush pigs. There are little nugs that got little nubbins and little tails and little snouts. But they have grown enough real pigs in order to make pepperoni. Absolutely. Are there hot dogs? No. So no hot dogs.

The hot dogs are made of cush. Oh, okay. They're called smoke dogs. According to the brochure. This brochure has a lot of information. Look at it. Oh, my God. You could hang right off this thing.

I have a song for this. Let's go. fly a kite up to the highest height when I say fly a kite I mean do hard drugs mushrooms and cannabis cocaine and angel dust let's all go fly a kite that's gorgeous I love doing PCP I'm this angel dust it's not the same anymore done a lot of hard drugs you've just never smoked pot I know but pot's been around so long it's that's for stoner's and ne'er do else. Okay, well, you're going to be in a dimension where that mostly everything is made of Cush. I think I'll be ready for it. Okay. Is there a dimension where everything's made of

angel dust? An alternate earth made of angel dust? Maybe, maybe. Maybe I haven't been there. We haven't fully explored Cushopia, though, at this point. It could be a technically, there could be a province that would be like ketamine or something like that. But we're not really interesting to explore you. No, that kind of gets tough, but there is metopotamia and heroinesville. That is according to the pamphlet that's there, but do you really want to talk about it? That's not as well. Probably not. Burles, guys, what is, uh,

what's your most used emoji? All right, back to the issues of the day. I only use one emoji. I've experimented with it. I sign off every text I send with a snowman. Wonderful, because you portrayed the singing snowman, or I guess Burr Alives did, in the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

It's not really a cartoon. It's a stop motion program. Yes, I suppose that's right. I bet that is why I do that. Oh, you've never thought about it before? I'm not very introspective. Have you always been flesh? Well, I know that I...

Are you at one point a floppy, just a floppy drive? I am, as far as I am concerned, I am an AI-generated IP built off of the chassis of an old retired robot dog from the LAPD. Oh, okay, one of those, like, attack, one of the ones that, like, rears up on its hind legs. That's correct. Okay, so you could attack us at any point. Of course, as could all of you. This is true.

It's true. I do have guns. Oh, you do. Unlike Marty motorcycle. Well, he's always forgetting his motherfucking guns. That's right. But now, are you programmed to attack us or other human beings? Oh, no, I'm programmed to entertain. Okay.

Well, you have done that today, I have to say. Well, would you like me to leave? No, I would expect you to continue to entertain us if that's all right until the end of the program. Now, Whiz-Bang, what is your most used emoji? Oh, well, I didn't think of an answer. Well, that's okay. You just look through your text. Sure, sure, let me see, let me see, let me see.

Last text I sent was to the frizz. I said, I'm coming by in my helicopter. Wait outside, I'll pick you up. Oh, no, that I message is only one message. And it was the helicopter emoji used? helicopter emoji, heart emoji. Okay. Do you talk to anybody outside of

the Fris? Fris was my only friend. Only one guy, huh? Frizz was my only friend. No cunerals for the Fris. Oh, the mendacity. So sorry, you've lost your only friend. Do you have an outlet to get your feelings out? Are you in therapy?

It's this show, Scott. Really? Ah! What feeling was that? Anger. That's all I got. A bunch of it. Okay. Oh, we got a caller on the line. Oh, bring, bring, bring, ding. Hello?

Sounds hot. Oh, my God. What are you guys talking about? Hi, ma'am. What is your name? Ma'am. Ma'am is your name? Oh, okay.

I got it in one. Amazing. Ma'am. Where's my belt? Oh, my God. Babe, where's my belt? Sir's home. I have to go.

There's an issue? We don't want to cause any trouble at home. Well, sir's looking for his belt, and it's wrapped around my head. I'm wearing it as a necklace, and sir's going to be mad. Hmm, it's wrapped around your head, but you're wearing it as a necklace. Yeah, that's part of my head, isn't it? Your neck? Oh, yeah, I guess.

Okay, well, look, we don't have to get into, uh, you know. Wait, is this the pizza parlor? Who called who? Is this a prank? Wait, am I on whiz-bang in the frizz. You are on whiz-bang-in-the-frizz. You are on whiz-bang-in-the-fris. R-I-P to the fris, of course.

Of course, no funeral is accepted. That's right. And, uh, sir, sir, did you ever find your belt? What the fuck, babe? What the fuck? Where's my belt? Sir, you're on the radio right now. I have to go do a tough mutter.

I need my belt. Oh, oh, no. Now that we got you guys on the line, what's your favorite Avril Levine song? Found it, babe, thanks. It's around your head. I guess technically your neck. I haven't heard that one.

But it sounds beautiful. Coming right up. After the break, we've got, Found a babe. It was around your neck by Avrilavine. Stay tuned on Whizbang and the phrase. Oh, uh, ooh, uh. Wow.

That was incredible. That was amazing. I don't think it necessarily answered my question about your emoji, but I would assume the helicopter one. Yeah, that's right. Now, Scott, how come you don't make any sound effects? Like, ever? Yeah, like, it's just, you know,

if you're going to have a radio show, you should kind of have some sort of noise or something to attack on. I guess so. Like, what kind of sound effects are we looking at? I could do like. What kind of stuff do you like, for example? Like, what are your hobbies? Machine guns. Okay.

Okay. So, like, I could do, like, Okay, and then at the end of that, you've got to tack on what you want your nickname to be on the radio show. Oh, okay. I can't do the gris. That's a... The something, one syllable. Yeah, let's have the gris.

How about Hawkeyes? I can't do it. Oh, well, Hawkeyes is two syllables. Dang it. How about... How about the Jizz? You keep trying to push me into the Jiz. I don't know that I want to be the Jiz.

Oh, all right. I mean, professionally, around the house I could be known as the Jiz. Scott, remember your boundaries. We talk to... about earlier. Okay, yeah, that's right. Okay, I'm sorry. And nowadays it's okay to be called the jizz. People talk about it at the dinner table. People, I don't know that

people are really talking about jizz. Parents are talking to their children in middle school about their jizz. I tell you all, that's the way things are. I don't think that children in middle school have giz necessarily. Of course they do. They play it on the radio. It's the Star Wars music, isn't it? Well, it's, they changed the name of it from Jiz to something else.

Jiz to Jazz. From Jiz to Jazz, the Scott Occamines story? From jazz to Jiz to jazz. Well, guys, this, I mean, we've just, just scratched the surface. Scott, you were so natural in that position earlier as the co-host. Thank you so much. You hopped in there, no problem. But we have to take a break right now before we get to the rest of the issues of the day.

Is that okay? Everyone can stick around at the roundtable here. We're done with emojis. Why did you have more to say about it? I just want to make sure it's a good time for a break. We're closing the door on emojis. I think I got my answer. We have sunsets.

And we have snowman and we have the helicopter. Sunset, Snowman and the helicopter. This is not bad. Actually, that's a better station. You think so? Yeah. No, don't change your channel. Look, we have to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more of the CBB roundtable. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang! Bang! We're back here. Scott Ackerman here, and I am heading up the CBB Roundtable on this. this very special episode of comedy, bang, bang. And our panel is here with me. Of course, we have burlesque Ives, the folk singer,

more accurately a reboot of a dead person. But with modern sensibilities, what are your pronouns? Do you mind me asking? I'll answer to all of them. Really, anything anyone wants to call you. Yes. That's generous of you.

It's confusing because no matter who's talking about who, I assume they're talking about me. I can understand that would be confusing. I you, I, we, us, them, they, it. Third person, first person, second person. Absolutely. It doesn't matter to me. Exactly. You, plural.

Well, welcome to the land of the living. How long have you been with us, by the way? Let's see. It's been about six months. Six months, really. So what have you... It takes about a billion gallons of water a day to sustain me. Wow.

Okay, that's a lot more than your hat, actually, which is about 8,000 gallons. Just about... Where do you fit? all that water. I don't take care of it. You got a guy? It just evaporates? What happens to the water? The company that owns me takes care of it.

Okay, and it gets poured into the computer? What happens to the water? That's right. They pour it into the computer. It's an amphibious computer. Okay, so it runs on water. Like the ones that they use in Atlantis. Oh, wait, is Atlantis real? It's as real as Limeria.

Breaking news. So they pour the computer into the water. it starts it up and then you appear It starts it up Was that your attempt to see The Rolling Stones start me up? Well, I'm a folk singer So this was the cover of the Mighty Wind cover

Of the song that you were referencing Of the Rolling Stones Yes The Rolling Stones isn't that a group of banditos out of South Warren? I know it may seem like it But no, they're a group of elderly gentlemen who play a type of music called rock and roll. Oh, okay, rock and roll, the rolling stones.

Interesting correlation. That's true. I can't quite put it together, but there's something there, is there not? They almost call themselves the rocking stones. Oh, you're full of facts, Scott. I am, full of something. Amazing, they made so much music and put out a magazine. That's true, yeah.

I mean, they did it every month. That's crazy. That's very productive work. Yeah, no, some great Americans. And we also have Rusty Hawkeyes Tufferford here. I'm a cowboy, baby. That's right. And we also have whizbang.

What's up? Whizbang and the frizz, 1.02.9. Hello, you ate a whole wheel of cheese? I'm not even mad. I'm impressed. Incredible stuff. Guys, we need to get back to the issues of the day. Are you ready to continue with the CBB roundtable?

I've never been more ready. Really? I find that hard to believe. You've lived such a long life and you've never been more ready for anything. What about when you robbed all those banks? Was that like, was that on spur of the moment? You want to know the secret, sky? What's that?

I'm always ready because I'm always in the moment. You are. Okay. See, Cowboys, we didn't have phones and TVs and radios and books and stories. Well, we had those. Yeah, and radios. Well, sometimes. Yeah, it's not on the bag of boards, but let's think of common specifics.

But we're always in the. moment you only had right now so you know cowboy would ever have any kind of foresight about anything like like oh in a year i want to do this or in two years i want to do this you'd be lucky to be making it to tomorrow and you're out on the wild wild west is your snake coming out The snake came out again Wild Wild West Get that back here Come on little snake

Whoops Sorry about that No problem Do we ever get to talk to the snake When it escapes No comment from the snake Okay And of course

Whizbang I've talked to you about you before But You talked to me about what before You talked to me before Did you guys sign a big deal During the break Did you cross some teeth

This would be huge stuff. Because, you know, your radio show and my radio show are actually neck and neck for number one radio show. Really? I mean, this is a podcast, but... Yeah, but you play it during the daily commute, don't you? Some people can, if they have the ability to do so, they play in their cars. And you take callers sometimes, don't you? Not really.

I mean, we have had some callers on the show, but... Right, so. Well, you both save people. In what way? You save them, you're there for them. In their loneliest moments, you're a voice that... fills the room i mean am i a hero maybe did you ask me that no but uh yeah i mean i think that we both have let's join forces come on yeah i think so i mean combining our shows you know you have

the callers you have the drops i have i don't know exactly what i do on this one but the whizbang in the what is it community bongbong comedy whiz bang comedy whiz bang comedy whiz bang oh oh Oh, my God. And the Hawkeyes. I think you're on your way to Christobia. Yeah, you're right. I can't stick around. I got to go through a portal that a Warlock's Manning.

Yeah, it's already paid for. Oh, I love it. Comedy Whiz Bang and the Hawkeyes. 102.9. Okay, it looks like you're back in. Yeah. Well, guys, let's get back to the issues of the day. Everyone's talking about it.

Everyone is out there these days saying like, oh, my God, look at this thing over here. but then there's almost an equal amount of people over there going, no, no, look at this thing. And I disagree about the first thing that you said. And I think this thing is more important. And let's fight about it. Let's just hash it all out right here.

What do you say? I agree. All right. Here's what people want to know. Who was your childhood actor or actress crush? I'm going to go, well, I'm going to go to Whizbang first. Childhood actor crush? Actor or actress.

God, that's a hard one. And they don't have to be a child. I'm not saying that you now as an adult have a crush on a child. I'm saying when you were a child, who is your crush? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Could probably an adult actor or maybe a similarly aged teen actor. Of course, easy. It's the, and this is true, the tree with tits in The Last Unicorn.

What is the Last Unicorn again? The Last Unicorn, an incredible animated feature in which, Melvin, I believe his name is. He's a wizard. He puts some sort of curse on a tree. The tree comes to life and it has giant tits. Okay, I'm going to do a Google image search here for this. Last Unicorn, tree with tits.

That'll do it. I just put tree. I didn't put tree with tits. Should I put tree? Can't leave out the tits. You absolutely got it. Yeah. Show the class.

Okay. I guess these are tits here. Yeah, those are the tits. So the tree kind of pulls the magician clothes, smothers and in her tits. Some plumpers. Some big natties. I love them, Natty Scott. You love a natural?

Really? You don't like these fake silicone? I'm tired of all this fake shit. I miss the good old day. Berlesque, what about you? I'm a boob man myself. I got a song all about it. Oh, let's hear it.

I'm a big cocked Randy Moundsman. Is that just the start of it? Well, that's the title of it. Oh, you want to hear it? I'll sing it for you. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'd love to hear it. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Give it up for the bees, celebrate the C's.

Double Ds are really something. Don't care where the lemonade flows or the fudge out goes. I'm a big cocked Randy Mounds man. Like that. That's a fantastic update of a classic. What were the original lyrics of that? Oh, ho, ho. hole, the buzzin of the bees and the cigarette trees, the soda water fountain, or the lemonade

springs and the bluebird sings in the big rock candy mountain. That was what people cared about back in the 50s. Right. What are these hobos doing and what are they dreaming about? Yeah, cigarettes and stuff like that. Nowadays, it's about being a big cocked what now? Randy Moundsman. So who, I guess you've only been around for six months.

Correct. But did you have any sort of crush on anyone growing up in the previous six months? In the previous six months, you know, I had a crush on, I saw a movie that had an actress in it that I, when I was first downloading all of the new modern things. Right, so you were downloading all of the information from all, every movie, every book, every... Right, from 1995 until today. Okay, just to update yourself. Correct. Okay, so what did you see?

I saw the, I saw, uh, weapons. Weapons. Oh, this, the Zach Kregor movie that came out recently. That's correct. Okay. And that lady, the aunt, uh, Gladys, she's, she'd be my childhood crush. Okay. She did something for you.

Yeah. Oh, wow. I mean, uh, you know, she's a very, I mean, it's a very distinctive look. Okay. But you're just, I don't go into for conventional beauty. That's not what today's sexual society is all about. Sure. I like that she's striking. I like that she was in Uncle Buck. That's pretty cool. Yeah, of course. You mean the actress, not the actual character. Oh, okay. I feel

foolish. You think of Gladys might have been in Uncle Buck? I thought she was posing his Chenis, putting a spell on Uncle Buck. Does anyone know what we're talking about right now? I'm not quite sure. Uncle Buck? No, the weapons. Oh, okay. Rusty, Hawkeyes, Sufferferford. Did you have a child a crush. Oh, you know that I've really had a crush on Elizabeth the Grand Canyon hell with fire. Who was this now? I'm afraid that

people don't really know who that is anymore. She was a girl whose legs were as wide as the Grand Canyon. That's insane. I love that. That's wide. Mouth as wide as the Grand Canyon too. Oh, she kept her mouth quiet unless you wanted her

to speak. Oh, that's awesome. It was more about her legs. And then of course there was Tainted milk, Susan. Oh, what was Tainted Milk? Susan. What were her attributes? She... Did your taint in the milk?

That'd be so funny. No, she couldn't stop leaking milk out of our armpits and it was bad. Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, that sounds like more of a disease, but... She was very ill. But she had all the boys running wild. Running away from her, so they didn't stretch... Straight towards her.

Straight towards her. There is something in the milk. I think it was pheromonal. Wow. Did you ever partake? You know I drank. That stank. Come on, Scott.

Hit him. Hit him. Hit me two times. Okay. Hit me three times. No one's making any sound. Are you out of sound effects, whizs, whizs, bag? Oh, wow, wong, ouga.

Oh, me. Christmas. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Is that enough times for you to be hit? That's what I'm talking about. All right, fantastic. Well, that, I mean, those are very interesting answers. So I think we... What's your, Scott? Come on, don't be shy.

Step up to the plate. I guess I would, you know, I mean, growing up, I would see, you know, beautiful women on television a lot. It was the era of Jiggle TV. So, you know, Nancy Pelosi, probably. What's Jiggle TV? Is that like Jiggly Puff exclusive? Charlie's Angels it was a

sort of a way to describe what was going on TV at the time The films kept kept that bounce in them Is that true? They called it Jiggle TV They did yes

In what? In the early 2000s? No in the late 70s early 80s Well then why did you say Charlie's in? Oh We got a different kind of

Some shows have Multiple Timetrations Yeah Things get rebooted And reimagined all the time Yeah it's not just you burlesque

Yeah. It happened to Charles's Angels. Do they have Charlie's Angels in Cushtopia? Do you know? Yeah, they do. It's three nugs in a man with attitude. Are TVs made out of Cush? Huh. Hmm. Let me check. Because they do have TVs.

There's nothing in the brochure about that. I would think they would have to be metal and tubes and stuff. Weird. And that there would have to be factories. Oh, here it says that they just do plays. Oh, okay. Plays and live music. Okay, so are the arenas made out of Cush?

Yes. It's called Cush Crete, where they grind up the Cush and dry it up and mix it with parts of water, sand and plaster, making a hard substance. So there is sand, there's plaster, and there's water. Yeah. I would imagine most of the planet is water. Well, you know, a ground up nudge can be sand. Okay. Sand is just small other things.

But plaster is not nugs. No, I don't know what plaster is. So there are factories where they make plaster. There's quarries where the plaster is mine. Okay, but then they have to turn it into the plaster. They have to then, I would imagine, you know, pack it up into containers. Yeah, you can make a box out of Cush. Yeah, ship it out to people.

Sure, yeah. And Charlie's Angels is a play. It's a play. No, Charlie's Angels is three nugs and an interesting stern man. So, hey, you want to get down on a Charlie's Angel tonight, and you snorkel back three nugs in a vaporizer and talk to an interesting man. This makes sense. This makes sense. Guys, we got to get to our next issue.

All right. You have to sing karaoke. What song do you pick? This is what people want to know. I'm a cowboy, baby. Rusty, we're going to start with you. What song do you pick? I'm a cowboy.

I know that's, that's your catchphrase, but what song? I'm a cow boy. I want to talk to the snake next time. That's the song. That's the song. Yeah, I think it's a kid rock song. Oh, that's right. Excuse me, snake.

Excuse me, snake. What's it like being in? What's it like? I got to run. I gotta run because I'll be missed. No, I want to talk to you. Yeah. You know me, right?

Right, Scott from Comedy Bang Bang and Austin Powers Gold member? Yeah. Yeah. Sweetie, sweetie. Where's my belt? Where's my belt? Oh my God. There's a second snake in here.

Hold on. Get back in here. Where's my belt? I don't know. Get back in the body. I can go. Okay. But you're still here.

Oops. I'm still here. Where'd you come from? Oh, okay. Now you have two snakes in there. Sorry. It's been my head. Turn down the level.

a Cibian. I'll pull the plug out of the wall. We got to get one of these snag out of here. Okay. So you're just a one snake guy. I'm a one snake man, Scott. All right. Fantastic.

Burlese guys. What song do you sing? Polly Wallycule. Pollywolecule. Pollywolecule. Oh, I went down south on my gale cell. We're in a polycule today. With Denise and our boyfriend, hell.

we're in a polycule today. Very modern, very modern, very modern update. Very modern. You'll never know if you're in a polycule tomorrow. That's a good point. Whizbang, what song do you sing a karaoke song? Oh, every song is a karaoke song to me, Scott. Name anyone.

Any song, happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. I mean, that's already true. Any song is a karaoke song. It's nothing profound. It's not a brag or anything. Yes, it is. I mean, I can sing the karaoke track.

The lyrics perfect to any song. Okay, the lyrics. Perfect. Yeah, lyrics, perfect. One week by their naked ladies. One week she looked at me. Globler has in the side and said, I'm angry. I'm two days with the living room when you did this, what I thought you were going to do.

Do the Chiggity China, the Chinese chicken part. Chiquity China, the Chinese chicken, have a drumstick, every sucks, chicken, watch the next thousand no lights on. I'd like to the movies on. You forgot how it started. I heard the smoking ends in this one. Like here I'm getting ready to take. We got to do karaoke together. We got to do karaoke together.

Like here is I want a band film. I don't make films. But if I did that, that was I'm right. I mean, Wisbeg said it, and he was right. Any song? That was impressive. Yeah. Incredible.

Yes, bam. Oh, the snake is out again. Sorry. No problem. No problem. No problem. All right. We're getting to our last question here.

Wait, Scott. Come on. Don't hold back on us. I know you got the voice of an angel. Singing karaoke, you're singing it so sweet. Singing so sweet I know you're a musical I know I'm snake and me now

My snake got loose That snake almost turned you into Hugh Jackman Snake in me now And I almost had the body of Hugh Jackman Which is very exciting No, didn't even come close What? I was looking Fuck you

All right, let's get to our next topic that everyone's talking about if you had to eat one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pussy! All right, Wizz-dang. All right.

I seconded it. Really? Okay. You burlesque? What about you, Rusty? P-U-S-S-Y, me, baby. So we all agree pussy would be what we do. For the rest of our life. P-U-S-Y?

Because I got a... Oh, the mask is here. P-U-S-Y dot com Dot com Okay, it's back in My throat's getting loose I gotta be honest with you It's getting out with more and more frequency

Well guys I think we hashed out a lot of stuff We really Settled some Hashtag Hash or Kush That's true Is there any hash in Cushopia? Oh you know they got that good good

They got concentrate They got solventless rosin, resin, hashish They got brick style They got hand style They got scissors style Melty on the spoonie Oh you know

You could hot knife it You could put it in an e-cigarette You could drink it Sneak it And freak it Wow I mean Cushopia sounds interesting Sounds awesome

I don't know necessarily That we would ever do A CBB Presents about it You got to you could do a big CBB live show There the arenas are made of metal famously I think people are really begging for it

I don't know that they are I mean if it were to happen it would probably happen around 420 which is so far away from now Yeah Yeah I guess so But I mean we'll We'll check back in with you

When are you set to go? I'm off tonight Really you're leaving tonight The Warlocks open In the big portal in the sky And I'm gonna get sucked up And sent down to Laguna Cush Village Wow well thank you for making the time

For being here Thank you for having me This has been the most Fun I've ever had besides shooting, stealing, stewing, scheming, and hiding out. Wow. And we know what goes on in the hideout, so that's high praise. P-U-S-S-Y is nowhere to be found. That's right.

All right, well, guys. All right, get the snake back in it. Jim West, Desperado. Hey, that's one word I didn't say. Desperado. Desperado. We are running out of time, guys. We really only have time for one final feature.

That is, of course, a little something called Plugs. And it's finally here. Very nice. That was plug away by Timbra. Timbra. T-I-M-B-R-T-R-E-R-E. Guys, what do we plug-in here? Obviously, Wisbang, you are without a partner, but you can be heard every 25 hours or so on KFRT 102.9 here in Los Angeles. That's right, on your daily drive. Tune in tomorrow, it's going to be a bombing 88 degrees Celsius.

All right. Anything else to plug? Oh, yeah. Check out twisted metal on Peacock. It'll make you feel orgasmic, I guess. Yeah, oh, yeah. All right, fantastic. And burlesqueives, what are you plug in here?

Well, I'm going to, oh, nope. You went out of order. Forget who you are? Yeah, I thought you just went out of order as all. I'm not sure what the order is, but all right. One, two, three. I was going clockwise. Sorry, I'm out of here.

No, stay, stay. We need to hear your plugs, but not before burlesque. Ives. My apologies. I'm going to be performing live in all regal theaters between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Every single regal theater. At the same time, Wow, okay, that's fantastic.

Yeah, 21 years and older. Okay, oh, yeah. It's a kid's show, though. Okay, I'm not sure how you square that circle. Oh, the mendacity. Okay, of course, your catchphrase. And hey, Rusty, Hawkeyes, Tougher Ford, we finally got into you. What do you got to plug?

It's for sure my turn. It certainly is. I'm going to think about that on the drive to Cushtopia. I'll tell you what. Oh, I can only imagine. Oh, nothing to plug. Follow a funny comedian. I'm Jacob Wasaki and tune in to my Rosty's Twitch stream.

I'll be twitching live every Thursday and Kushtopia. From Kushtopia? Yeah, we'll be live from Kushtopia. Okay. Tune in. I'll be trying different strains every Thursday. Fantastic. Well, I want to plug, hey, head over to CBBWorld.com.

This is where you can hear the entire archive of this show, Comedy Bang, Bang. All of it ad free. Every episode we've ever done, all of the new episodes had free. plus every live episode we've ever done. All of that is over there. Plus, we have other things like Womp It Up. We have The Neighborhood Listen. We have College Town.

We have Scott hasn't seen where I watch movies with friends, along with my friend Sprague the Whisperer, that I haven't seen. And we have at Free Freedom, so much stuff going on over there. And CBB Presents with shows like, Hey, Randy, and this book changed my life, and Who Me with the Batman. So much going on over there. Head over to CBBWorld.com. Let's close up the old plug bag

Oh, open out the plug bag, 2020. I'm talking, open out the plug bag. Oh, beautiful. That was, what was that exactly? That was Plugberg. What was that? By William Gilbert.

Plugberg. That was fantastic. If you have a plugs theme, over to CBBWorld.com, and you can upload it there. You have all the stems for remixes, everything over there. And guys, I want to thank you so much. The CBB Roundtable is now closing. It's becoming square or perhaps rectangular again,

but I really would appreciate you all coming in here and hashing things out. Whizbang, so wonderful to have you. And I look forward to comedy Whizbang. Oh, yeah. Think about the partnership, brother. I will think about the partnership. I would love to do a radio show with you.

Yeah, I would too. Would you ever do a podcast? No. Okay, all right. We also have burlesque guys. Thank you so much for being here. Happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

Do you have any songs that you didn't do? All the songs. That's all the ones you prepare? All the ones I know. Okay, well, so it's going to be a short show when people see you. You got to get out to a birthday party at Farmyard. Marmer Grays, right? There's a birthday party at the house of Farmer Grays.

Oh, that's right. Yes. Perfect ending to a perfect day. See, I knew that one. Yeah, you did know that. And, of course, Rusty Hawkeye is tougherford. Thanks for having me. See you next time.

Okay, I don't know that we're going to see you ever again. You're headed off to Cotopia. We'll see. Wink, wink, wink. Okay. Come on, baby. All right. And now the circle is a rectangle.

We'll see you next week. Thanks. Bye. Yeah.