Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Raw Dogging Coke (Kerri Kenney-Silver, Devin Field, Stephanie Burchinow)

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

Kerri Kenney-Silver talks about the delightful working conditions on the upcoming season of “The Four Seasons.” Trader Joe’s employee Zander Holyfield is happy to chat and also steer you clear of food poisoning. Finally, concerned citizen Darbara Meatbag helps everyone stay on the path to normalcy. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The best of comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. The best part of waking up is not dying in your sleep. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang Bang. Thank you to TV's Robbie. TV's Robbie. I wonder which Robbie it is. I'm trying to think of every TV show I've ever watched.

And who would be a Robbie on it? Robbie Robertson? Was he on TV? He was in that movie about all those bands singing and Martin Scorsese hanging out. But I don't remember any other Robbie. Robbie wrist, maybe. And other parts of the body. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition.

My name is Scott Ockerman. We have an incredible show. Coming up a little later, we have a Trader Joe's cashier. Wow. We also have a concerned citizen. So this is a dynamite lineup here. But we also have a major star in A Block. Oh, dear God.

Don't introduce me that way. A major fucking star? When do they get here? She is one of our greatest friends. I'm trying to remember if she's entering the three-timers club or the two-timers club. It's the three-timers club. It is the three-timers club. You entered the two-timers club last time.

I believe so. I believe so. But I'm also quite elderly. Yes. The reason she's able to enter the three-timers club is because she is an elderly woman. And she's been around for so long. Since before podcasting. You were born the day before podcast started, weren't you?

Just the day before 1991. That's right. In your soul. now. You've had a few trips in a time machine, you know, back to... In 1900s. You went back and killed Hitler. I wish I could have said that. Oh, man. Can you imagine it? It's not too late. When would you do? Would you do it as a baby? It would be uncomfortable

doing it as a baby. It'd be great if I had done it as a baby because what a great story to tell at a cocktail party. That's true. But I think I... Or two lies in a truth or two truths in a lie or whatever. That's a great one. Whichever way you want to play it. I think I would wait until he was just a teenager and you got the first like bursts of that weird mustache coming out. And I would just be like, boom. I thought you meant when I was a baby. Oh, you wanted to do when you were a baby.

As a baby. Oh, that would be great. Getting rid of full adult Hitler. I'd like to see you pull that off, honestly. I really would too. And I feel like this is in, this might be an animated show. Yes. A baby that goes back in time and kills bad people.

Can we mail this to the WGA right now? I just copyright. Damn it! I missed out. No, no, you're in there. Oh, I'm in there. Yay. You're doing craft service. Well, she is the star of the incredible show, The Four Seasons, second season of which is out on Netflix, May 28th.

And we cannot wait for it. The first season was so great. You know her from, of course, Reno 911, the state. Is it 9-11 or is it 9-1-1? It's both things, but the show itself is 911. Okay. I asked Tom this on our very first episode. Yeah.

He took umbrage with that. We were once introduced on a radio show really early on when the show first started. And they said, welcome to the cast of Reno 9-11. But this, didn't the show start in the 90s? I can't even remember. We did the pilot in 2000. Oh, okay. But nobody saw it until 2003.

Oh, okay. So we came out in 2003. So that would be, that would be an unfortunate reference. It was a really unfortunate reference. I was going to say, who cares if it comes? comes if it, you know, came out before. 9-11 was definitely closer on the tip of the tongue than 9-1-1 at that point. Please welcome to the three-timers club, in fact, Carrie Kenny Silver.

Hello. Hi, and I appreciate. I love the such a sweet introduction to say the star of the four seasons. I don't feel like I'm the star. I feel like it's a very, it's an ensemble. It's about as ensemble as you can get. Sure do you shine, maybe a little brighter than everyone else. But, hey, it is a truly ensemble piece.

I just happened to be sitting in this chair. That's right. Yeah. They're not here. That's right. Yeah. Where are you? Coleman, Domingo.

Coleman. I'll tell you where he is. He's probably either on the Orient Express, this just happened. What's this now? On the red carpet of the Oscars. He was on the red carpet. Is he solving murders on both of these places? Let's hope so.

Who do you want to see murdered at the Oscars? Hmm. That's another great cartoon. Yes. Murder at the Oscars. You're taking out the casting directors. You don't deserve this. But I'm a baby.

Yes. Oh, well, you're a baby who talks, though, I'm assuming. Because otherwise this cartoon is going to be a little boring. Yeah, we don't want to have to read anything. Yeah, exactly. Like translating your pacifier squeaks. No, nobody reads anymore. I'm really thinking about Maggie Simpson right now shooting Mr. Burns.

Who isn't? Who isn't at this stage in our lives? Carrie, the four seasons, season two. That's confusing already, right? Or is it awesome? I mean, I wish it was season four. It was always season four? I don't wish, I mean, I'm, listen, I'll do this show till I die.

Yes, this show, Comedy Bang, Bang. I appreciate that. Well, yes. There she comes for the 358th time, Karen Kennedy. How old am I going to be at that point? But no, you're going to do the four seasons until you die or until your character dies because... Or till Netflix kills me. Oh, yeah, off-camera or on camera.

Either. We don't know. What if Netflix started a new faces of death kind of thing where they killed the stars of their own show? Yeah, like voted off the island, but literally off the planet. Yes, exactly. But speaking of characters dying, in season two, you're all wrestling with a major character death from season one. I don't even remember it. Who was it again? I barely remember it either. Do you think Steve Correll, does he sign, I've asked this before, does he sign on to a show saying, I'll do it as long as I can die relatively quickly. As long as you kill me. As long as you kill me. I don't think. I don't think he's dying from this. Well, I don't think they can do that. But all, I mean, listen, third times a charm. Would they just call it rooster's family after that, like Valerie's family? Or they just replace him with a different actor and no explanation at all. But, uh, uh, of course, Steve Corell is no longer on the show and that was dealt with in season one. Now suddenly I'm reading, you have a different Steve on the show, Stephen Pasquale. Oh, they told you that. I mean, it's in the trades here. I have variety open to the... These trades.

Stephen Pasquale, have you heard him sing? I haven't. I want to. He's a wonderful Broadway actor. Sweet Jesus. It's just one of those things where it's like you don't get to be handsome and a great actor and you can sing. I know. It's annoying, isn't it? It's unfair. Yeah. He of course, we know Stephen Pasquale from He played the villainous Mark Furman on the People versus OJ Simpson. He was phenomenal in that. Dude, I loved that show. It was great because you got...

He was perfect Mark Herman. You got David Schwimmer saying, juice. Juice. Very memeable. But he's a wonderful Broadway actor. He's been in so much stuff like the good wife and so much else. And now is he, I don't know if you can spoil any of this stuff. Is he your love interest?

I doubt. I can spoil. anything. Yeah. I mean, I'm just so, I'm so definitely afraid of anything happening. You know, it's like you have a baby. Oh, I doubt I can spoil anything, so I'm going to tell you everything. Oh, oh. Would that be just horrible? And then I get a call on the way home from Netflix. Hey, hey, care bear. We have a secret love on you that we implanted on you. But you're dead. The four seasons is about a bunch of couples who vacation together and you see them in every season, meaning TV season, right? So you see them in pilot season. They're all auditioning.

In that case, we would be gone because there is no more pilot season. So that's the real throwback. It's a group of friends who've been friends for 25 years and some even longer because they went to college together and so forth. And my marriage to Steve Correll of 23, 21 years falls apart because he decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore. And then he dies. And in the meantime, he has fallen in love with someone else, someone much younger than me. And we find out at the end of season one that she is pregnant. That's right. Now, is she part of the group now? She is absolutely part of the group. Speaking of Broadway excellence, Erica Henningson, just finished a run of Just in Time with Jonathan Groff.

Just in Time is weird because it's the beginning of Justin Timberlake. You know what I mean? I think should have used that for marketing. I feel, I went to it and I was like, okay, here comes Justin Timberlake. No, he comes. And then I went back and read the poster and they cut it off right at the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's, did you get your money back? Oh, yeah. Oh, good. I got everyone's money back. Oh, my God. I rallied everyone. This isn't fair. Yeah.

No, my God. I went to see. Tina, uh, Fay and I went to see her in that. I mean, I felt like I have no, no reason, no justification to be proud. I have nothing to do with her abilities. Isn't it if a younger person do well and you're like... No, anybody, all of my, anyone I love, any of my friends, family, I just was so, I really wanted to just stand up in the middle and be like, I know her. Like buddy and else.

Yeah, I was like, is she looking at us? Can she see us? She was not looking at us. Did she ever wink at you during the show? She did not. Apparently, it's a lot of lights. She can't see. But, yeah, she's very much apart. And so what happens with this relationship now?

You know, Anne is a real caretaker. And her daughter is off at college now. And she no longer has a husband to take care of. And now you have this baby that is somewhat tangentially related and family to you. Correct. So we don't explore any of that. It takes place on Mars. So are you killing Martians there?

And it's just me. And it's just a movement piece. Well, and then. You know, you mentioned Tina Faye. Tina Faye is in this. Who else is in the cast? Oh, my God. Tina Faye is not just in this. Tina Faye is this. She's obviously created it.

She obviously co-created it. Tracy Wigfield and Lang Fisher. And she, of course, is in it. The star of it, there's Will Forte. Delicious. Yeah. Coleman Domingo. Delicious.

Marco Calvani. Not delicious. Delicious. Oh, no. More delicious. Delicious Italian. Oh, Mamma Mia. It's a me.

Mario. It's a me, Mario. He's a him, Mario. Wait a second. Have you been doing dualingo? That would not be great. That's their first thing. You're like, this is borderline racist.

And Erica Henningson and myself. And it is literal heaven just to be, our text, I had to turn my phone off because the text thread is on fire. Really? You guys are on a, has it lasted the entire time in between? Really? From the second we met. What's the kind of stuff that you text each other? Like memes or like, look at this dumb asshole about certain dumb assholes in the news? It's mostly sexting.

It's mostly sexting. Wow. So just ain't plan emojis. Let me be clear. I send a lot of nudes. No one has responded yet. But I and only two of them have blocked me. Oh, okay.

So I consider that like a lively text thread. Well, I mean, the four seasons, it's a huge, it was, it was, is it the biggest thing you've ever been a part of? I mean, no shade to, to the state in Reno 911. No, no, no. I mean, listen, I love and will always do this, I hate the word, alt comedy or sort of, you know, this, this world that I began in 1988. Back in NYU, with the state. And I will always love that and I will always work with those guys every day of my life. As long as it fits into your schedule, which is now too busy.

Well, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have like 20 minutes. Okay, great. And I've got a bag of wigs. And so many stick on moustaches. Yes. I will always do that. That's a big part of me, but a part of me that I never got to explore because the industry kind of decides, you know, okay, you're already. is mainstream fame. On the lazy river of this. And you're doing well. And so why would my agents or anybody, you know, but when I saw Nisi Nash hop out of Reno and hop into just the most beautiful, gritty real work. Is it 9-11? I can't remember.

It's, it's, 9-11. I think you're confusing. It was something else. Reno 9-1-exclamation point. No, but did she go to the other 9-1-1 show? Oh, no, no, no. That was, that was Joe La Truglio. Joe Truvillo went from Reno 911 to just 911. It's like, I'm ditching the Reno. Yeah. Now, which one is Nisi Nash on? She's on the, oh, the rookie, right? She's on everything.

She's on everything. I watched Nisi go from Reno 911 to make this leap into this other world of acting that I had always wanted to be a part of, which is like real raw. Real emotions. Gritty, real stuff, life stuff, right? And I always wanted to be part of that, but I thought that's not for me. But when I saw her do that, I thought, maybe it's not too late. Or she played, she played Denise Dedy Otley. In getting on.

Ortley. Yes. And that was sort of like the first time people saw like, oh, she's an actress. And I mean, the funny thing is we're all, you know, you look at comedians. Everyone's a good actor when you're a comedian because not only do you have to be real, but you have to be funny, which is harder. Right. And we, and a lot of us, you know, some of it comes from dark stuff.

I appreciate you roping me into this. A lot of us, not you. Oh, okay. No, no, no, not you. Because your life has been perfect and you let us all know that every chance you get. And I just, I just felt this like, oh. Kind of a twinge of like, oh, well, that'll never happen for me. Yeah.

And then suddenly you're in one of the biggest shows on Netflix doing crying scenes and everything. Yeah, and we were number one in the world on Netflix. In the world. I mean, what is that? That's incredible. And how did you cry? Did you think of something sad? Like when you fell down and scuffed your knee?

That's exactly right, Scott. I thought about the time that I fell down and I had scuffed my knee. Oh, God, here it comes. Oh, my God. It's happening again. What an incredible actor. I mean, I was standing there. And then I fell down and then my knee.

Yeah. Everyone has a different process. Are there any Jeremy Strongs on set where it's just like... Oh, God, no. No, no. In fact, I'll tell you that's why this show works. Tina, Tracy and Lang, and Sherry Thomas, the brilliant casting director, and of course all the people at Netflix, but Tina in particular made a major point of that we are of a certain

age, okay? Most of us, they are in our mid-50s. We've done great. We've all had wonderful careers. We have at this point, let's have a nice time. Yes. Let's cast people that are... Peepil, as we call them.

That's how Tina, it's her Philly accent. That's her Philly thing, yeah. I do a really good... Philly accent. Pipel. That has an umlau in it and an exenteegu. Let's cast people that are kind. Let's cast people that are going to get...

Fun to hang out with. Fun to hang out with. Fun to hang out with low maintenance that are going to get along immediately because I'll tell you day one. I was seated at a table and they said, okay, so this is Steve Carell, Steve, this is Carrie. You've been married 21 years. Okay, this is Tina, meeting her for the first time. This is your best friend of 24 years.

This is Will 14. And action. And so you really have to have a group that is, you know, sort of based in that original world of theater or world of let's play, let's give and take. there cannot be any divas. There cannot be anyone who isn't really willing to just be a member of an ensemble. That's right. Other than Will Forte, of course, we've talked about this with Darcy Cardin, who's just... Nightmare.

Yeah, nightmare. But other than him, I mean, and everyone... It shows in his performances. It shows in his performances. Exactly. Very unlikable. More champagne, Mr. Forte, of course. That's the...

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that on... set. Well, the four seasons is out there now. First season, obviously, everyone can catch up before they watch season two. And I'll tell you, season one is four hours long? That can't be right. Is it really eight episodes of half hour apiece? That's correct, sir. God, I've spent more time doing so many other things. Well, not on TikTok necessarily, but... I've seen you spend that much time on TikTok.

All right, I've been on TikTok. Just today! Right. No, when I came in, I was like, Scott, we were supposed to start an hour ago. And you're like, I know. I'm like, I have three more minutes. I'm just figuring out how to make sourdough. I don't know what people do. But yeah. So, yeah, it's a fun, quick watch. But also the first season is based on at the beginning anyway, the movie by Alan Alda from 1981 that he wrote and directed. Who is in the actual series as well. Who plays my father in this show. And who always pops up in every New York Times crossword. Because everyone loves an Alan Well, just ALDA just fits so many things. Yeah, and he's a New Yorker. Yeah, but it's a great show

and everyone should check out a rewatch or watch Season 1 and then Season 2 is going to be out and so many surprises in store, so many places you're going to go to, I would imagine. Can you say what the cities are? No! You guys do more locations than the White Lotus does. They only do one a season.

Yeah. And then meanwhile, you guys are out here like, oh, we're at Pennsylvania for one. I see what you're doing. You're trying to get me to blurt it out. All right, Dayton, Ohio. I shouldn't have said it. Oh, God, that sounds horrible, actually. The whole season takes place in a basement in Dayton.

In a basement. Well, the four seasons, let's check it out. I would be remiss if I didn't ask you about the state documentary, which you hyped up last year and has not come out yet. What's going on with it? I lost it. I can't, I cannot find it. Was it in like a bag? You left in a taxi?

What happened? We were all out drinking and I was like, you guys all take it. And they're like, I don't think that's a good idea. This is like the nuclear football with members of the state. One of you has to have it at all times. So I got on my scooter after about 15 shots. And I had one of those mesh bags with big open holes. And it was on a thumb drive.

I know. No, it's still happening smart ass. I mean, it premiered at a festival, right? It premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival last year. And then I don't know if you know how it all works, but these festivals, now comes the bargaining part. Oh, this is in dabda. It's denial, anger, bargaining. Resentment.

Resentment. Dabdra. And then murder. I think we have a guest named Darbara coming up a little later, by the way. Everybody knows Darbra. Darbra. Well, that's great. I want to see it.

It's going to happen. It is going to happen. Did I ask you this last time? Yeah. Do they deal with Mike Lee and Black almost killing several members in the car? No, you know what's strange? There's so much in the documentary that we don't even get to the point that half of the state almost died in a horrific accident. This is true.

I know. It's like it's we miss. There are so many things that are not in there because there's so much that is in there. It should be like a 10-part series or something like that. But there's probably enough footage. There's plenty of footage. Yeah. We never,

There's plenty of footage. There's a Mr. Show, which, uh, by the way, uh, in that one Rolling Stone article

about best comedy, uh, sketch shows up in the 90s, came in at number one and you were number two and Tom Lennon. Never lets me forget it, but, um, he made a t-shirt of it,

I think. He wanted me to wear it today, but, but, um, uh, uh, uh, where were we going to say,

oh, yeah, we never filmed anything. And you guys were like, had, had cameras in everything. You know, I think it's because that's the way we started.

David Wayne's dad had a video camera. So when we were in college, we wanted to be part of this show that it was John Stewart's first time on television. And it was a show called You Wrote It You Watch It. He was the host of it. And we heard that this show was happening. And David Wayne's sister's ex-boyfriend was working on the show. And he was telling David about it.

And David said, we could do the sketches for it. And MTV was like, who are you? Like what you're an 18 years old. Like, no thank you. And so we just, we did it anyway. We filmed them. And we, David brought them over and said, here's these if you want them. And they were like, oh, great.

So they hired us. And we became the sketch group that did. And so that show, you wrote it, you watch it, became later the John Stewart show and then became the state. It's such a mixture of, first of all, you, proximity. You guys were in New York where all of this was happening. And so that's one thing that people have to do is, like, move to a place where things are happening sometimes. But also just go, you know, gumption, I guess, for lack of a better word, if I could use something from the 1910s. But it just, you guys were go-getters and or goes-getter.

And you went out there and tried to do it. And it all worked out and look at you now. I love your positive. It's been on it. I would say we were like, egoatistical assholes. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's implied. I don't know where we had the confidence that we thought, well, of course we're going to be on TV and work together forever.

forever. And now it's 38 years later. It's incredible. Well, what a, and now you're here in the three-timers club on comedy bang-bang. This is like, it's a good day to die. We'll see if we can make that happen. But first you've got to kill Hitler, of course, as a baby. But, well, Carrie Kenny Silver, the four seasons, everyone check it out and be on the lookout for the state documentary. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we have a traitor Joe.

cashier. We also have someone named Darbra. I hyped it up kind of earlier, but we're going to be right back with more. Carrie Kenny Silver, more. Comedy Bang, bang, bang. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang, we're back. Carrie Kenny Silver is here of course of the four seasons.

Can you give us anything? What season does it start with this time? Because it ended in winter last time? I'm so afraid of getting in trouble. You've got to give me one thing. Is it, is it grads and dads? Is it Christmas time? Oh my God.

You just nailed it. It's unbelievable. Grads and dads, but at Christmas time. I don't know what grads and dads is. Who graduated a semester or late or early. No, it is the next season of the four seasons. Meaning spring. Very general.

Because it ended in winter, didn't it? First season. So it's spring. Okay. I'm holding your feet to the fire on this, Kerry. This really hurts. And if Ted Sarandals is mad at me for giving up anything, just know that my feet are now burned. He's not paying attention to this.

He's. Is he out there paying attention to this? It is surprising because I worked with him briefly and the things he knows about. He's phenomenal. He's one of the noziest heads of these companies. No, no. Let's talk about this for a real life thing. He is such a fan.

He's a fan of 90s comedy guy that I am always surprised every time I see him. and he brings up a Viva variety reference or a state reference or something. The very first Netflix original was the comedians of comedy was Zach and Brian and Patton and Maria Banford. And that's probably why he's still, you know, the real deal because he's not, he's not some faker that wants to, wants to know. I mean, I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with network people who are like half my age who are like, oh, I loved you in that show that you did. the, where you guys were all the police. The band, the police? You're Sting, right?

Yeah. You are blonde right now. You could pull off a sting biopic, I think. Put it out there, baby. Let's manifest this. I am ready to stretch this instrument. Yeah. I mean, we say that meaning tantric sex for three hours.

No, that I cannot do. Oh, okay. I can barely do the like key gong three-minute old lady thing that you see on the internet. I have no idea what you're talking about. Is this a sex thing? Or is this? Possibly. So I have not gotten off on it yet.

It's a lot of just arm rotation. You'll get there. We'll get there. Well, the four seasons, everyone check out season two. We need to get to our next guest. You ever shop at Trader Joe? All the time. Yeah.

Big fan. Is that a west of the Mississippi thing? Or do they have them out in the East Coast? I have no idea. It's such a good question. I've never seen one out in the wild other than in California. but if people don't know, it's a grocery store. We have a cashier for Trader Joe's here.

Please welcome Zander Hollifield. Hey, what's happened? It's Scott. I'm Zander. I'm going to be helping you out today. Sorry, why'd you laugh before you said that? Awesome. You find everything you need?

Oh, I mean, this is my studio. Right, right. But did you find everything you need within your own home? Right now. Yeah, great. Yeah, I found this. What religion do you think is the one true religion, by the way? Just ask you.

Oh, I think, Jerry, do you have any theories about it? this, I've never really thought about it. I haven't thought about it either, but why don't want to say. I'm going to be helping you out today, by the way. Oh, hey, yeah, I just saw you say the same thing. Great. How's your Monday going so far? So far, so good.

Yeah, that's great, great. Any other plans for the rest of your day? Why do I feel like you're looking through my clothes right now? I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable in that kind of way. No, it's not bad. It's not a bad thing. X-ray goggles that you have on that you got from the back of a comic book. Yeah, sorry.

Some guys were passing these around the break rooms. Oh, that's one. ass, man. Everyone here loves working here. To answer your question, I think there's a lot of overlap and a lot of the religions. There is, right? Probably a kernel of truth in all of them. Yeah, wow, what a great thoughtful answer. How much money do you make before and after taxes? Before and after? Just ask it. It's surprisingly more after. That's interesting. Wow, so you're cheating somehow. That's great. That's fantastic. Yes, but let's get back to my taxes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Please. Well, hey, I'm just happy that you're making money. You know, it's great.

Yeah. I make about $40,000 here over the course. of one calendar year just to offer you a little bit of... What about a fiscal year? God, if we're going quarter by quarter, I hate to break it down like that. Let me text my account in real quick. Seems about $10,000 a quarter, maybe? Yeah, probably about $10,000 a quarter. Wow. Wow, so you're good at math, huh? I mean, you know, just, I think basic math. Sure, yeah. Four into $40,000. Hey, by the way, just, you know, keep an eye out, the roasted garlic raw salmon hummus has been recalled. So just I just wanted to...

But it's still out on the shelves? It's some... We have, we can't get it off all the shelf. I keep trying to they, I keep trying to find all the shelves that have it on it. Sandra, if you want, because that sounds really dangerous, I would be happy to stand at your stations and just tell people, it's closed while you run and round and grab all the, because someone could die. Are you willing to ring the bell? Why do they ring the bell again? Ring the bell. When people have exact change? It happens for a lot of, it's either exact change or it's sort of our version of code hula hoop. Do you watch the pit? I have, but I haven't seen the season. I haven't wrapped about it yet if that's what you're asking.

So if someone dies in the store, you ring the bell? No, no, cold hula hoop is in the pit is when a nurse or a doctor is assaulted by a patient. So if one of you were to assault me, I would ring the bell as loud as I possibly could just so that other cashiers could come and save my life. Okay, so we'd want to make sure that he can't get to the bell. Right. First thing, grab the bell. That's a little pro tip for you guys. If you want to kill me dead without anyone intervening, keep my hands away from the big bell.

Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How often does that happen in a Trader Joe's? Because you guys... More than you think. Yeah, you got... I mean, Carrie, you know, you shop at Trader Joe's occasionally, as have I. Like, you guys have a certain thing. And I'm seeing it from you. You're like... Very personable. Very personable, but in a sort of performative manner. I'm sorry that you think it's performative. For me, it's completely genuine. Thanks for the apology. I accept it. You're welcome. Oh, my God. Great. God, I mean, you're the kind of guy I would rent a room to.

Would you? Totally. I don't need to know anything else about you. Well, you shouldn't have to. I mean, everyone should be this curious about other people, right? This is how you form connection and real community. I've always been really curious just because I've only lived in human society for the last six years. So I'm still like catching up, you know what I mean? Wait, no, no, wait a minute.

Are you AI? No, no. Wow, that would be amazing if I was AI. Do you think AI will kill us all, by the way? I mean, it's got to take over at a certain point. Yeah, certainly. But I want to backtrack just a little bit. Six years ago is as long as you've been living within human.

human society? Yeah, yeah. Well, before that, I was, uh, I was living in the woods by myself, like, well, have you seen Nell? Are you familiar with Nell? You know, Scott hasn't seen, but I would love for you to come on and talk about Nell. Talk about Nell, that'd be great. I just added it to the list, realized he was a serious admission, but. Well, if you don't know, Nell, when Jody Foster was a weird woman who lived in the woods all alone, had her own language. Was she weird because she did that, or did she do that because she was weird? Boy, I'd have to rewatch it to be sure. Okay, well, you'll come on the show. I don't know. I don't know if she was abandoned. into the woods because she was weird and then grew up.

She was abandoned. Well, I don't really remember. Anyway, how did she get there? We don't know. We don't know, but she... She was weird and she lived in the woods. Because she had no frame of reference for human society. She didn't grow up with our language or anything.

Sometimes two things can be true, Scott. That's true. Yeah, she didn't... Our laws. Exactly. And so it was a similar thing for me. I grew up in the woods by myself and I was only found by a team of linguistic researchers about six years ago.

And so I've just been playing catch-up on getting to know everything about people and humanity. Wow, you're so good at it. For someone who's only been around for six years. Did you have your own made-up language that you spoke before then? Yeah, I sure did. I had to. I mean, I had to find a way to talk to the squirrels and the bugs and everything.

Can we hear a little bit? Well, certainly. I mean, it sounded a little bit like, blah, blah, blah, you did. I mean, there's a lot of just phonetic sounds. Yeah. A lot of very tongue-based. But you knew what each word meant in terms of... Certainly, of course.

So there's no chance that, like, six years ago, something happened, and you changed your name and Tis told everybody... And you told us weird. lie about growing up at the woods. I can't imagine that would be the case. I have nothing to hide. Like if we were to do like a Google image search on you. Like a reverse image search. Like if you took a picture of me and put that in the Google search bars.

Yeah. Pictures of me came up in another context. Yeah. Would any news stories come up? No way, man. Absolutely not. Hey, how do you think you're going to die by the way? For me, I think it's going to be a car accident. I feel certain it'll be a car.

In the car or you're going to be walking in a car? I really don't know. I don't even drive recklessly. I just feel deep in my bum. that I will die in the car accident. Yeah, I don't know. What do you guys think you will? Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I'm aiming for old age, but I'm not sure it's going to get there, quite honestly. I mean, I'm not really thinking. What I'm just thinking about is, could you please not put that big roast on top of my grapes? Oh, sorry, because I'm crushing the grapes because I put this whole hamock on. Not that I don't love talking about death at checkout. Yeah. With 16 people behind me and I'm late for a brunch. Sure.

Oh, you're late for you like brunch, huh? What are your thoughts on Hollandeys? It's a little heavy, isn't it? You know, the eggs of it all can... The eggs of it all. They can lead to infection. So if you ever have food poisoning, that's one of the first questions they ask is if you had Hollandease sauce recently. And I just heard that if you eat eggs too often, you could develop an allergy.

Two eggs or just something else? No, no, too many eggs in a row in a too many days in a row of eating eggs. What are you developing the allergy to? To the eggs. To the eggs. Yeah. And I just heard that our lemon ginger, Yuzu, brown jumbo eggs. Have Listeria. So do not get those if you can avoid that. Are there any? I feel like this is a time to ask. Are there any other recalls? Because we've talked to me or maybe three minutes and you've brought up two that are still currently in the door. Yeah. Let me check my little card here. Okay. Of course, the Grier-wasabi pretzel nuggets. Those have been recalled. Those have been bad for a while. Elizabeth been bad for a long.

Still in the store, though. Still in the store. They're all over. We move shelves constantly. No, I've noticed. It's interesting because we asked earlier how often we get assaulted. It's almost daily because so often people come in looking for one specific thing, nowhere to be found. Yeah.

And yet something that is physically dangerous to them to consume is available everywhere. And also culturally inappropriate. You still have all the Trader Jose stuff out here. Yeah. What do you think about a subdividing different ethnic, cuisine into different names. Like Trader Ming was sort of the Asian food for a long time. It's pretty problematic, isn't it?

I mean, I have no opinion of it because I don't want anyone going back and looking at these episodes for any of that kind of stuff. Sure, sure, yeah. You don't want anyone reverse image searching to you, spiting any old content. If I could just make a suggestion to you, you guys spend, I would assume, a good amount of time hiding for people who don't know about this, maybe on the East Coast or the search or not. There is a hidden little rabbit, I think, that is hidden in the store. I don't know about this. If you find it, this is something fun to do with the kids or just yourself. A live rabbit or candy?

It's a little treasure, a little stuffed animal. And when you get to check out, you say, I found it and you tell them where you found it. Then they ring the little bell. That's one of the third. That's one of the third. Right. So either someone's been assaulted, someone's been raped, or they found a bunny. It's really high stakes.

And then they give you like a little candy. Wow. Oh, they give you a kid. What kind of. Well, we could give you some of our lemon, cayenne peanut butter cups. We cut out the chocolate. It's just lemon and cayenne wrapped around peanut butter. Yes.

It's disgusting. You got to try it. But if you spent less time maybe finding new places to hide the money and more time finding the foods that have been recalled that could actually kill someone. That's interesting. But I would hate to kill my child. sense of wonder. You know what I mean? And so to hide that throughout the store, it keeps a wonderful game alive in a way that it's just more important to me than whether somebody gets sick eating weird

eggs. How often are you doing this during the day? Are you doing this multiple times a day? Or is hiding the thing? Yeah. I'm constantly hiding it. I probably move it every 20 minutes. Oh, wow. Because I just get sick of people coming up. So if you're doing a shop that's longer than 20 minutes. Right. And if you see me sprinting around the floor going, where am I going to put this thing? You're saying this out loud. Well, I'll talk to anyone. I'll talk to anyone at any time for any length of time that they'll talk to me. Yeah.

Getting back to the whole thing that happened six years ago, supposedly, with the fake language. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you a virgin up until six years or so ago? Well, I was a virgin in the human sense of the word. So you had sex with that. No, no, no, I had sex with the ground. With the ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dalton Wilcox style. Did you ever see him do any of this? Oh, yeah, right. He's that cowboy poet who had sex with the hole in the desert. Yeah. I had sex with a mossy bank near a tree. You guys have a lot in common. Let's check him out.

Who hasn't? Okay. Nice. You've had sex with a bit of moss in the woods? Of course not me, but I've heard tell, you know, from my grandparents. Got it. That's the wonderful side of the tree that you can have sex with, right? The mossy side of it.

God, let me tell you, it is really welcoming and. But do not stick your dick in a woodpecker hole. This is something my great grandmother taught me. That's great. I have yet to have to worry about it. I do tell all of my friends. Right. Yeah, it's a good tip.

So now you have never, just to be totally clear about your storyline. Yeah. If I were to do this reverse Google image search of you, no news stories would come up of you prior to six years or so ago having sex with animals. No, I don't see why they would. It doesn't make any sense that you've never had sex with animals. I've never had sex with animals, certainly not in Edom Claw, Washington, one of the capital's of Eustiality of North America. Okay.

All right. I'll take you at your word. Hey, speaking to which, do you think you could survive in a prison environment? I don't know if I could. I'm just asking people. I mean, it depends on which kind of prison environment. Yeah, right. Maybe the fancy ones.

Yeah, I mean, you'd have to join one of those gangs, right? I'd have trouble doing that. I don't want to throw in with the Aryan nation, but given my racial background being Caucasian, I feel like I'd be obligated to. Yeah, yeah. That's a good point. I think you do okay there. I really haven't given as much thought as you have, apparently.

I know. Well, it's a lot to think about. Well, you've been, you with all that time in the woods, you had a lot of time to think. I sure did. Yeah. Hey, do you think that our dreams reveal deep truths about the mysterious nature of things around us that we can't fully understand? I think that we transport ourselves into alternate dimensions during our dreams where this stuff is actually happening and vice versa. Oh, you've been listening to the telepathy tapes, not to, not to.

I have not, but I've heard of them. Yeah, who must. I mean, after you listen to comedy bang bang, then you could listen to. Yes, of course. Or just pause it right now. Because I saw a document. And when I say pause, I mean stop. That's right. Just stop it. Because I saw a documentary a few years after I got out of the woods called For All

Mankind that was interviewing all the Apollo astronauts. And one of them said he had gone to sleep on the moon, right? He slept in the capsule on the moon. And he said he had a long, vivid dream where he met an older version of himself on the surface of the moon. Oh, wow. And I feel like by having a dream in outer space, he was completely untethered from our gravity and our frames of reference.

and he was able to access the truth, which is maybe we've been on the moon this whole time. I don't know. I don't know. Do you live alone? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your living situation like? Do you try to replicate what it was like?

You know how when people get back from the armed service overseas, like in Iraq or whatever? They tend to sleep on the ground outside because they can't. With like a loaded gun in their mouth. Sure. Yeah. Do you do that with a loaded gun? I keep it unloaded. And it's a cap gun.

It's fun. It's just a fun cap gun. Just keep you. That is fun. I did. I went to. the children's section of IKEA when I got my first apartment in North Hollywood and they have all sorts of stuff to make a room like a child's room look like the woods like big fake leaves and

different trees and you know tree stumps as a stool and stuff so I did buy some of that for my apartment yeah and it makes you feel better yeah it does it makes me feel more at home the way I would have been in the mysterious woods in which I definitely grew up yeah so you put some moss in there like a child's dentist waiting room yeah it is sort of like do you get a toy every time you visited? I try to give myself a nice, we have lots of artisan lollipops here at Trader Joe's. Yeah, there's some, there's some root beer, Ruta Bega, the two roots. Oh, the three roots, because there's beetroot in it as well. And those are delicious lollipops. Have you, what happens when you have someone over a significant other? Has that happened?

Yeah, have you been dating? Have you dated anyone? Your lips to God's ears, and I hope the true one true God, we didn't really. really figure out who he was, but I would love to start dating, but it's very hard. I have a lot of trouble relating people, and people think I come on too fast. And you're not having sex with animals currently. No, why would I do that? Do you have any in your home currently? Do you have any animals in my home? Yeah. I'm, I'm not allowed to, but I would like to at some point be able to adopt, you know, rescue or something. No follow-up questions. Great, I'd love to not answer any follow-up questions about it. So that's fantastic for me. Yeah, what are we nightline?

Yeah. Some people might be eating lunch right now. That's right. Yeah, they might be eating a delicious tarragon chicken salad wrap, which have been recalled. Oh, no. It sounds like everything has been recalled. A lot of stuff has been recalled. I don't know what's going on with our commissary, but nothing good, apparently. So, you know, we just got to do the best we can. Yeah. Wow. So do you have any hopes and dreams? I mean, you can't stay at Trader Joe's forever, right? You actually can. There's a lot of people who work here until they're very elderly. I see a lot of people with long, scraggly beards. Yeah, and also long scraggly ponytails. Yeah. If you look around, there's a lot of cashiers who seem to have a great deal of physical

trouble lifting your bag into the car. And so you can, I'm hoping to work here at least until I'm not able to do that. But I just love, I love how forgiving the place is too. Like, I'm shocked to see that you're not wearing any shoes. No, they allow me not to wear shoes because they understand the alternative manner in which I grew up. So as long as I'm not in the back preparing free samples, I'm allowed to wander the floor just barefoot like, top it. And you've never had sex with an animal on the floor of Trader Joe's, right? No, of course not. It wouldn't make sense.

I'd need a key and the access code to the security system to get it after dark. I mean, that'd be a lot of responsibility. Because you only have sex with animals after dark. No, no, no. I don't have sex, period. Okay? I'm trying to find a girlfriend. That rabbit that you are often sitting running around with.

saying where do I put it, where do I put it? What do you talk about when you say, where do I put it? And what do you do with it at night? Like, are you in charge of it? Yeah, I'm the one who's in charge of the little rabbit and I do take it home. But it's just, I sleep with it next to the loaded cap gun. It's just a cute. It's nothing untoward happens.

Okay. Speaking of forgiving, who's the creative artist whose work you still enjoy, even though there's overwhelming evidence that they've committed unspeakable crimes? For me, it's got to be Michael Jackson, right? I mean, look, he's got some bangers. Yeah. But it's an interesting question. It truly is an interesting question.

I do love Beat It. We got to love that song. I mean, my God, do you know that's Billy Jean is Melania Trump's favorite song? That was in that documentary. Oh, you saw the documentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you go to the theater to see it? Yeah, I did.

I go to the theater to see everything just because I'm so fascinated by moving images because I didn't see them until six years ago. I mean, movies, yeah, when they first came out in the 20s or whatever, like Lumier and all like that stuff. Right, like the train pulling into the station. It's so boring. So like anything must be just fascinating for you. Oh, it's unbelievable. Who did you guys vote for, by the way? Speaking to Melania.

I voted for her, right? You voted for Melania. Me too. I haven't found anyone else who rode in Melania. Cross the board for every position. I did not vote for Trump, but I prayed for Melania. That's so interesting. Yeah.

What an interesting bifurcation. Yeah. That's a wonderful bumper sticker, by the way. A very confusing bumper sticker. Also, very contentious in my household. Yeah, I bet. Speaking out in the wild, you ever hope to get back there? You ever, like, you must miss your friends. I would love to, you know, obviously I had a lot of friends out in the woods, but I've sort of torn between the two worlds, right? Like, I love the quiet piece of the beautiful pastoral scenes in nature away from the hubbub of the city. But I also love slapping on a Hawaiian shirt and throwing a bunch of ginger snaps into the hot tote bag. So I don't know where to go. You ever think about combining your two interests and, like, slapping on a Hawaiian shirt and going out in the woods and having sex with animals? Whoa, whoa,

Scott. Please. How would that even work? Like, I'd just wear a Hawaiian shirt on top and nothing on bottom like Woody the Pooh on vacation? It doesn't make sense. It's almost like you pictured it yourself. No, no, no, that's crazy.

It's all right. Shut the fuck up. Hey, hey, hey, sorry. I don't come to my own studio. Where is the bell? Sorry, you're right. Sorry, you're right. Sorry, right.

Sorry, right. Sorry, okay. Joe's employee. Sorry, you're right. We're ringing the bell. That's all right. Okay, sorry. I'll calm down.

That's okay. It's okay. Zander Holyfield, my gosh. Yes, Andrew Holleyfield, yeah. Yeah, and you were given that name when you were entered society? Yeah, I just picked it. Yeah.

Oh, you picked it. Was it a combination of two? Was Xander just sounded like a guy who would work at Trader Chos. And then. And then you did a pun on Evander Holyfield? On who? Well, Zander, look, we're running out of time on this segment. No, really?

We are, but can you stick around? I'd love to... Oh, my God, I don't... We have a concerned citizen coming up. If I don't get to talk to a concerned citizen, I think my fucking heart will explode. Okay, well, I don't want that to happen. Okay, good. Because, you know, Carrie here is going to die after today's episode.

Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe in the car accident that kills me. This, I mean, anything is possible. Oh, wow. All right, well, let's... I'll tell you one thing. I am not going hiking with you.

Oh, okay, damn. That makes me sad. I don't think you're at risk. I think you just have to watch. Okay. No one's at risk to do anything. All right, we're going to take a break here. When we come back, we're going to have more with Xander, Hollyfield, more Carrie

Kenny, Kenney, Silver, and a concerned citizen. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang, Bang after this. Comedy Bang, Bang, we're back. Carrie Kenny Silver here is... Here is here is here. I'm here, here, here, here here. And I said is here four times for the four seasons and celebration of the second season of which. Is it, is there a plan to stop after four?

Like, you know what I mean? Oh, don't say that. Yeah, because it would be great to have like eight seasons, right? Like the 40 second season of the four seasons. Should it be like 60 minutes where it just keeps going? Well, there's always seasons. And there's always 60 minutes correspondents who can step in when all of your characters die. Like, I'm Leslie Stahl.

And welcome to the four seasons. seasons. Well, I don't know if that's going to happen. But we also have Zander Holleyfield here. Yeah, hey, what's going on? From Trader Joe's. That's right. Hey, which 60 minutes correspondent do you think would give you the wettest kiss? Steve Croft? Is it Croft? Steve Croft, but he has such thin little lips. So it doesn't add up, right? That's why it might be. Hey, I'm going to write that down as a pop culture phrase. I should learn. Yeah, you should learn it. How did you know it was a pop culture phrase? Well, just because it sounded like a, you know, like a catchphrase. Like I've been catching up on a lot of catchphrase. Like what are your favorites? Well, there's Bazinga, of course.

Oh. We like that. What's you talking about Willis? Yeah, don't have a cowman maybe. I'm still thinking about Maggie Simpson shooting Mr. Burrins. Oh, my God. I've never stopped thinking about it. Wow. So you're like Johnny Blue jeans.

Remember when Smithers was black for the first season or something? I mean, he definitely had some color to, but I, I, yeah. Why do I think they changed that? There must have been an internal conversation about it. That seems. disturbing. Yeah, you think we'll ever get the real behind the scene skinny about that? I don't know. If any of the people who work on the Simpsons come in, I'll definitely ask them about it. Okay, definitely. Yeah. If you see Matt Selman out there in the checkout lines, give him a holler.

I'll talk his ear off. All right. Well, we need to get to our next test. We know that's true. She's a concerned citizen, and her name is Darbra. I talked about this earlier. Please welcome to the show, Darbrae Meatbag. Hi, Scott. Thanks for having me. It's my pleasure. So it's a welcome to have you, of course, as we always say, with people here. on this show. This is, of course, Xander Hollyfield. You have Carrie Kenny Silver. Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I'm thrilled to meet specifically Scott and Carrie. I will say Sander scared me a little bit. I get that all the time. I understand that, yeah. But Carrie and I are very non-threatening people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this side of the table. All the comedians from the 90s. Right. The gentlest form of Gen X. Yes, exactly. How are you? It's so wonderful to meet you. I'm not good, Scott. I'm so sorry to hear that Darber. What's going on?

Last night, I had an experience that scared me to tears. Oh, okay. Well, is that what you're here to talk about? That's exactly. Or are you concerned about something different? Well, it all is. It's all kind of wrapped up in one, I suppose. Okay, well, let's start with what happened last night, and we'll work our way backwards.

I'd love to tell you. Okay. What are you going? Last night, I went to the mall. I had to buy a top, a classic top with a few buttons, hits right at the hip, beautiful fit. And was this for an occasion, or this was... Just my day-to-day life. Monday through Friday, I like to wear a classic top.

So you were out of tops? You said you had to buy it. I had to buy it. Okay. I singed a top on the stove and I had to get a replacement. Doing what, if you don't mind me asking? Oh, just cooking my six egg breakfast. Oh, six egg?

That's a lot. Just for you, the six eggs? Yes, just for me. Okay. Yeah, that's like Rocky style. I mean, he wasn't cooking him and he was running up a bunch of steps. Six eggs is a classic breakfast. You get a protein boost and then you're on with it.

You think Rocky, uh, if they were to make a new one, he would run up the steps and see the statue of himself and kind of winked himself. If that happened, Scott, I would not be happy. That is simply too weird. It is too weird. I agree. I agree, Darbara. Now I'm also not convinced it hasn't happened in one of those movies. In fact, I'm almost certain that it did. That is? I believe it possibly three to one or three two.

I'm just thinking of it from me actually watching the movies. Well, Darborough, so you were out, you were out buying a top at the mall. I was buying a top at the mall. Or at least exchanging it? You had to get a... No, I had to get a new one. You had to get a new. I had to get a new top.

And after I bought my top, I was absolutely parched. And I went to the food court. Okay. And I went to get a soda pop. Okay. And I'll tell you what happened at the machine. What happened? There's a machine instead of one of the actual...

You were in the food court. You went to a machine to go get your soda pop. Yes, for a fountain soda. to get a classic Coca-Cola. It's a fountain soda in a machine. Well, that's the thing, Scott. You would call that a fountain, wouldn't you? I mean, sure, it's not like a phosphate from 1932 or whatever.

Zander, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to talk to Darborough over here. He gives as good as he gets. That's the thing. I thought I was opting into a normal experience at the soda fountain. Right. And instead, they changed it to a Coke freestyle machine. and the young man in front of me

at the Coke freestyle machine he poured himself a cup listen to this Scott Kerry you'll get this Zander I don't know about you I don't know what I'll try to keep up I don't know what that means It's a machine where you can mix and match

any flavor you want up to a hundred plus combination Oh no I don't have time for that It's disgusting It's like the way an old soda found thing used to look but it has a big touch screen and you can scroll through a million

menus to find way too many flavors. Yeah, that's not annoying if you're standing behind someone. Not at all. Not at all. You've probably seen him at the movie theater. Yeah, I see them all the time and I get every soda. Oh, I bet that's... And you haven't had sex with any of these machines, right? No, no. How would it work? There's not even a convenient

waist high port. Okay. He's thought this out. Okay. It just pissed me off. So what was it? What pissed you off about it? He was doing too many flavors? He listened to what this young man got. Okay. He filled his cup.

with ice. Okay. Okay. That's pretty standard. So far so good. Then he adds cherry vanilla Coke. I'm going, okay, borderline too many flavors. And then he tops it off with a little bit of root beer. Yeah, that's weird. That's a little strange. It doesn't make me mad, but it's weird. It made me fear. It's odd. It scared me to tears. It scared you. Just be normal. Just be normal. Are you some sort of soda fountain Karen or something? I guess you know what? If I need to be, I will.

I just think I'm sick of people getting too creative these days. Just go to the machine, get a normal soda. That's the thing. If they wanted people to drink cherry vanilla Coke with a little bit of root beer on top, they would create the flavor that tastes like that, right? Or we just stick to the classics. What do you drink when you're at the fountain? I'm drinking regular Coke, no ice.

No ice. Are you from the UK? I like it through hard core. I just like the way it comes straight from the factory. Factory default settings. We're getting pure Coke, no ice. You're just raw dogging Coke out there. Absolutely.

I'm drinking eight to ten regular coaks a day. And do you do it in a cup or are you just your hands? Now, that is just too weird. I'm using a cup. What about a straw? A straw. Of course I'm using a straw. Not a silly straw.

If I saw a, the next time I, I see a silly straw. I'm going to shoot it with a gun. Can I? I am sick of the silliness. I think you might miss because it's all twisty and turning. I'll shoot a bunch of times, Scott. Can I ask you a question? Is this the only thing that gets you this fired up? Like, in the rest of your life, are you just pretty chill? Is everything else? Because it sounds like you have a pretty privileged life. This is getting you upset. I'm getting upset left and right, you guys. That's why I'm here to just spread the word. Let's just be normal, guys. What are some of the other things you've got? seen out there that get you riled up. Don't even get me started. I'd love to get you started.

Yeah, that's, yeah. On my way here, I drove here. I parked outside. Guess what I saw. I hope you parked outside. What did you see? I don't want you driving right into my studio. It's okay that I parked inside, right? And I found that very weird, Zander. It's just a skateboard. That's fine, Zander. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I saw a PT cruiser. Okay. I mean, it's not weird if you're in Zizi top. Very small car, Scott. It's a little small. Very weird.

Yeah. Just, I just don't get why people aren't doing normal stuff anymore. Get a four-door sedan and be done with it. Is that what you drive a four-door sedan? Yes, classic size. Fits in a parking spot, no problem. Don't need more. Don't want less.

It seems like you would be upset at bigger cars taking up more spaces, but you're upset at a PT cruiser being smaller and having a lot of room to open your car door next to? Next time I see a Ford F-150, I'm going to show. Shoot it with a gun, Scott. Yeah, I really don't think you should be doing that. I feel like this is the third or fourth time you said I'm going to shoot it with a gun. Do you sleep with a loaded gun by your pillow? I sleep with it nearby, yes. What about the...

Is it a cap gun or... Yeah. I don't know what that is. What about the stuffed rabbit? Is that next to your pillow at all? I just know that you were so upset with Xander earlier, but it seems like you maybe have more in common that you originally thought. Yeah.

No, I do not connect with this gentleman at all. That's okay. I'll connect with the next person. I sleep very normally. I'm in a full-sized bed, two pillows. I have a fitted sheet, and then a sheet on top, and then I have a quilt, and if I need a little extra warmth, I get an extra blanket. That's it.

That's all you need. No decorative pillows? God, no. Just the classics. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, look, honestly, your life sounds great.

I'm not sure why you're so upset by things. I just, I have seen how scary it can get when people get too creative, and I need us to be right. What do you mean? Well, all right. I wasn't going to share this. Go there. Go there, sis.

Go off, queen. This is where we let it all out. Yes, girl, yes. Eleven years ago, I did MDMA at an Imagine Dragons concert, and I saw stuff that scared me to tears. This is the crux of it. Really? This is maybe the crux of it.

I saw men with their shirts off, women playing the drums. It just was so crazy. I don't think he's. His drummer is female. I swear to God, I saw a woman pat in her lap, and it was as if she was playing the drums. And this is on the Smoke and Mirrors tour? Yes. Back in 2015?

This was the Smok and Mirrors Tour. That's right. The start date was April 12th of 2015 and ended in 2016. Yeah, we were there. Scott and I were there. Yeah, of course. I went to every show on that tour. Wait a minute.

You only got out of the woods six years ago. I mean, I would have liked to. Oh, okay. Yeah. That makes sense. I just, you guys, when you're on MDMA at an Imagine Dragons concert, it gets freaky and I cannot go back there. Yeah. What made you do MDMA?

I mean, if you don't make me asking, it sounds like that's not the most normal choice I've ever. Were you listening to some of the singles from that record, smoking beers? Like I bet my life or monster or gold or shots? Yes, I was listening to Monster and Gold and Shopping. Just those ones. You know, I chose to do MDMA that day because I was. I was under the impression that it was a Listerine strip. Oh, we've got to generate that mistake.

The old Listerine strip. Yeah. The minute those were introduced by Listerine, I was like, this is dangerous stuff. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So you're not a drug taker normally. The only drug I take are the normal ones. Like, what are we talking about?

I'm taking Ambien. Okay. Every day? I'm taking Ambien on a regular basis. Okay, that's normal. Yeah. I'm taking a Claritin in the morning. Okay.

And then on occasion, as needed, I'm borrowing a Xanax from a neighbor. Hamidian and Xanax. I don't know if that's a... That's a great combo, but hey, as needed. That's normal. On occasion, you're allowed to take a Xanax. That's normal. That's completely normal.

I would actually say maybe you should take more of them. Sure. And maybe some other psychotropics or psychotropics or... There's a lot of mushrooms that grow in the woods that can help calm. you down and show you the truth. You're not selling these at Trader Joe's, are you? No, they've been fully recalled. Yeah, we're not allowed ourselves. Yeah, the pizzas. The mushroom pizzas. Yeah, we sold the psilocybin pizza. Yes, my family and I, unfortunately, had a night with that. We were just going to have a delicious Trader Joe's. Yeah. And we saw a mushroom pizza. Yeah.

All three of us. Did it scare you to tears? No, it was a pretty fun night, actually. Did you see the same face? Yeah, we all saw the same face. That proves. it's the real face of God, what it looked like. He was like, just like a regular dude. Okay. Regular dude and what, what's regular do you? Like a Mormon. Oh, okay.

Yeah, sure. Of course. The tie is short haircut. Yeah, there we go. And he was preaching the word of God, the original word of God. Sure, of Joseph, Conrad. Exactly. Yeah.

Weird guy with two first names, right? I mean, you think it's weird, but until you've seen the light. Like Conrad. it should be Conrad Bain, where it's like a clear delineation between first name, last name. I mean, I don't know. You're not a Conrad Bain fan? Listen, Jesus is a weird name, too. That's, I mean.

Food for thought. Yeah. You know. Jesus Christ? I mean. Sounds like something I would shout when I hit my thumb with a hammer or something. Think about it. Yeah, exactly.

And he was a carpenter. I don't want to get too deep. But back to Mormonism. Okay. I don't think we have time for that. Let's talk to Darbra, though, a bit. more. So these are the things that are that are out there pissing you off.

Can I ask what your life is like? What do you do for a living? Well, I work at an Ashley Home Furniture store where I sell couches, chairs, and the occasional table. Why tables only occasionally? Not as much

demand. Because you only need one table per house, Scott. That's just normal. That's a great point. You're like six or eight chairs per table. You're going to sell more chairs. And you know what's pissing. me off at the Ashley Home Burniture store. What's going on there? Sometimes I'm seeing people sit down on these

chairs backwards. Oh, like substitute teacher style? Oh, like 80s photo, J.C. Penny photo style. Someone who's about to tell you that the original rapper was William Shakespeare. Yeah, Mark Marin on one of his special style. If I see another person sitting backwards

in a chair, I'm shooting that chair with a gun. Okay. I think we're on number six. By the way, there's been a rapist. of shootings here in the local Los Angeles area that had been unsolved. I just wanted to check. If we reverse image search you're done. And it's serial number. What are we going to find?

Look, people are acting crazy these days. Yeah, they are. I hesitate to ask you this, Ms. Meatbag, but what are your opinions on teenagers today in Gen Alpha? I forgot that was her last name. I'm so glad you brought it up. I don't think I even said my last name. I said it. I think it was said. I said. But I mean, you know, teenagers aren't living maybe what you might consider a normal life, right? Yeah. And it makes me mad. It makes me really mad. Is it the way they're dressing, the way they're acting? Big pants. I'm seeing the biggest pants you've ever seen, Scott.

But then some of them are wearing small pants too. Yeah, that's true. Short pants, long pants. Have a pair of pants that perfectly skims the body. What's so wrong with that? Yeah. Yeah. Pants should be a regulation length, right? And we should all have to wear, like, jumpsuits, right? Next time I see a pair of cargo shorts? Do you want to know what I'm... Pantsy! Cargo pants! Do you want to know what I'm going to do? What are you going to? I think I know you're going to shoot the pants?

With the gun, Scott. And hope to miss the leg? Or... Yes, of course. I'm shooting the pants. I would never shoot Jen Alfa. I think she's speaking metaphorically, but shooting things with a gun, right? Is that true? No, that's incorrect, Carrie.

I'm going to shoot it with a gun. I was trying to give you an out. Cargo pants are the worst invention since the ergonomic keyboard. I wore them back in like 2002 and stuff. They were comfy. But they didn't look great on you. They didn't look great on me? No, no, no, not even then.

When are you seeing me in my cargo pants back in the early 2000? I'll send you some. You got some, yeah. That was in 2002 you were wearing these pants? Maybe. Might have been the 90s. I honestly, it all blends together with me with my fashion. I think I was still at Urban Outfitters until maybe 2004.

I just had to look over to make sure you weren't wearing them now. I know. I'd love to take a look at everyone's. They're an olive green. Listen, I have, I own a pair of cargo pants. I have to come clean. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. No, not you,

Xander, Hollyfield. It's just because I need the extra pockets to hold all my Trader Joe stuff, like my box cutter and my butterfly knife. Bang, bang, bang, bang, that's what I think of those cargo shorts. She's a perfect shot.

Can I say, she didn't hit me at all, but the shorts are decimated. For you to have a silencer on your gun and then be saying the word bang is such a strange combination. But also the fact that Xander found it funny. I just love it. Everything makes you happen. It's just exciting to be alive, isn't it?

It really is. It really is. Wow. Well, I hope you're not out there. I mean, it sounds like you're an excellent, and it looks like you're an excellent shot. I mean, look at those cargo shorts. I'm an incredible shot. And guess what?

Born that way. Really? I've never not perfectly hit. Would you like to star and Carrie and I's new show about a little baby who kills Hitler as an adult? Oh my gosh. Well, I'd love to. Have you ever acted before? I mean, I'm willing to give you an offer if you have at least one credit on IMDB.

I was in a commercial for the Ashley Home Furniture Store one time. I stood outside the store and I waved. Okay. I mean, that's not bad. I think let's book her. Yeah, can you wave right now just so we can see how it looks. how it makes a sound loud wave

crazy loud wave I'm an incredible wave do they have to ADR what was happening outside there yes yeah they they had to redo all the audio because my wave was just so loud do you think that's gonna be an issue

for us Carrie? I know I hear a wave like that and I think just be normal I don't know what I mean sorry I just did you say waving a gun around yeah I don't I just don't want to make her angry so we'll just tell her that she's booked

Exactly. I don't get angry if everything's normal. Okay, we're normal. We're just two. We're normal. All the comedians from the 90s who are writing a show about a baby killing Hitler. What could be more normal than that? Also, neither of us are wearing cargo pants.

And I like that. Yeah. I like this side of the table. Zander, I'm still not sure. Why? I'm just a guy who grew up in the woods and nothing else and was wearing cargo shorts, but now is wearing nothing. Tattered cargo shorts. Yeah.

Yeah, they've all fallen to pieces. I know you're nude from the waist. down almost crazy god everyone has to see everything yeah now you're wearing the filthy callous feet yeah when you have the Hawaiian shirt on and you're erect well hey Scott please please what finish the sentence Xander I don't know if I'm allowed to well Darbra I really hope that you're not out there shooting everyone but I don't want to and I won't people can just behave you know speaking a shooting though we're on track for a go series here when Every year hiatus for four seasons is occurring here.

I'm ready and I've got a whole thing of colored pencils and lots of printer paper. And we're going to do the opposite of four seasons where everyone we hire has to be an asshole. With guns and just problem actors. So you're in. So yeah. That sounds fabulous. Okay. Just try to wave a little less.

I don't know if it's the. I have naturally cupped hands on that. She's got sort of meaty hands. I've got those meaty cut hands of yours. Yeah. Are you able to pick things up? I pick things up. Yes.

Now I'm looking at you and I'm not totally convinced that you're not putting those underneath the soda fountain and just drinking out of those. Yeah. Okay. Fine. Well, fine. Fine. I use my hands to drink out of, okay? But everyone's allowed to do one thing a little bit off.

Then give everyone else a little grace too. No, only I get the grace. All right, Dabro. Well, look, we're running out of time, unfortunately, on this show. We only have time for one final feature. And that is, of course, a little something called. Plugs. Because I got the plug bag, baby.

Yes, I do. So I got the plug bag, baby. I say it too. And the song's not going to have a fart. But I'm also known to be a liar. I open the plug bag. I'm sad. The step's almost over.

Fart. Oh, all right. Well, that's, oops. I farted in the plug bag by Fatty Maddie Maddie Needs to Eat. Thank you to Fatty Maddie Needs. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. You can find everything you want. You can upload your plug opening themes. You can find all the stems for the plug bag closing remixes, everything you need over there. All right. What do we plug in here? Carrie, what do we got here? Well, season two of the four seasons on Netflix. Oh, please, please, please watch it. It's such a delight.

All right. And nothing else. Is there, I mean, that takes up most of your day, right? That, well, it took, we're done. So we're not shooting as we're as it's hearing. You're not shooting the TV show right now, right? It's not lie. I'm not in this. I sure hope not because. Because I'm offer only.

I'm not wearing lip gloss. Your character is known for your decorative lip gloss. This is so true. It's what people tune in for. It's tune in TV. Netflix on four seasons. I hope you can peep me in Margot's Got Money Troubles. Yes, and you're also, you play a psychic in the upcoming movie.

Gail Dottry and the Celebrity Sex. That's right. And we'll be doing hopefully an episode with David and Ken John Hamm. Some other, yeah, perhaps. I mean, that's too many people. All right, enough.

And a film called Wishful Thinking with Maya Hawk and From Stranger Things. Yeah. Lewis Pullman. Those things were too strange, honestly. Did you see that show? I don't.

You don't watch other Netflix shows? No, no, I just didn't watch it. Well, here's the thing. There are lots of shows that I would love to see. Yeah. But they're so. so big and there's so many seasons that I feel like I need to wait till something happens that I can't get out of bed.

I need to wait until I'm in a horrific skiing accident. Yes. And I'm laid up with like my arms and casts and my legs in class. Filming the show. Filming the show. And then I all, I have all day long to watch. Yeah. The things are too strange.

The thing. There's like demons and stuff in it. Oh. Darbra, I heard you were working on a script called normal things. Yep. That's right. Is it a parody or is it just like a, a normal thing?

No, it's about a group of young people all with the same beautiful haircut. Okay. Shoulder length. Wow. No layers. Even the men, shoulder length. Yes, shoulder length, no layers. And they're all wearing wonderful tops that fit just right.

Wow. And they all go to bed at a decent hour. Okay. So, Zander, you have your ear to the ground when it comes to upcoming development. Well, she's clutching the script in her hands. It felt like she was trying to get it out there. No, my hands are just cupped around. Oh, sorry.

I'll give it a read, though. Are you sure it's not a manifesto? Yeah. Well, because it's very tiny writing and it has symbols. Yeah, lots of little drawings. Yeah, and you can't read these symbols, right? This is in the language of the forest. No, I'm still playing ketchup on learning to read.

Yeah, no. That's not got it. Xander, do you have anything to plug out there? Yeah, well, I want to plug our freeze-dried Soyaki-Saviche, which is really delicious and really unavailable. It has been recalled, but you can still purchase it, of course. and I want to play you know

if you want to have some some fun enjoying some comedy I love comedy I'm playing ketchup on comedy I hadn't seen in comedy cone heads what are we doing yeah cone heads

number one with a bullet didn't get any funnier than that Gumby Gumby is hilarious It's very unnatural body funny I mean he's green

it's crazy what is he and pokey's there too yeah but I honestly dragging the show down Pokey could Poked him a deadweight. The name alone.

That's right. He's the Mighty Mighty Bostones guy dancing of the Gumby universe. That's right. He's skanking. Anyway, but if you like comedy, check out. There's a show here in Los Angeles. It's a double feature featuring Devinfield and Charlotte. I don't know what that means.

A double feature? It's the show's called double feature. It's two teams of two doing improv. Wow. Can you imagine that? Two teams of two. It's just, these guys. I think I've done this show with Jason Manzook.

Yeah, well, it changed because Devin and Sean couldn't sell enough tickets to the show as it existed. So they combined it with another show. So now it's-two for one. So now it's Devin and Diston and Cook County Social Club, a great-approved team. So wait, so me doing improv with Jason Manzookas couldn't sell the show. Some people said it killed the show. Wow. Some people said it was not enough to sustain.

But so it's every fourth Wednesday. This is too complicated. All right, let's move on. Darbra. Darper, what do you want to? Well, of course, check out normal things. Okay, yeah, sure. Hopefully coming out soon.

And check out Cowboy Mama, an improv team that plays Monday nights at UCB. Sounds weird. It's, you know what? Cowboy, Mama, those are two very normal things. Put them together, though, I don't know. Although Cowboys, they do seem to have some sort of loyalty

to their mama. All right, well next time I go to the show, I'm going to shoot them with a gun, I guess. Or fine, don't check them out. Check out Shag. It's an all-women's improv team in Los Angeles. Yeah, fantastic. Well, I want to plug, look, we're out on tour now.

Comedy Bang Bang, Ground Beefing, 2026 tour is out there right now. Paul F. Tompkins and I doing every day and then a rotating group of CBB All-Stars. check out all the dates. Tickets are probably still available for a few of them. Check them out at CBBWorld.com slash tour.

And we're gonna, I mean, we're out there right now. Yeah, it was mean of you to make us all come join you in Pekoyma for this. I know, yeah, sorry. Not convenient. And it's weird to do a show in Pekoma when Los Angeles is right here.

Right here. Just see normal, Scott. I'm sorry. Don't shoot me with a gun. But check us out. We really want to see you out there on the road. And, you know, while you're over there at CBB World. Check out all the shows over there. We have the entire archive of Comedy Bang Bang,

ad free every live episode we've ever done. We're putting out all these live shows that we do out the next day. If you're a Maximus tier subscriber, you can hear those every single show that we're going to do out there on tour. And also, we have other shows like, Hey, Randy, CBB Presents, College Town, the neighborhood listens. So much stuff going on over there. All right, let's, if we can, let's close up the old plug bag. That's how we open the bag I want to close the bag, baby Step on right

Oh, nice tasteful fade out Oh, oh, Malice, thank you very much That's, of course, Dr. Sweetchats saying malice That was That's Howie by John Webb Maybe it relayed to Mark Webb Because it's with two bees Mark Webb, of course, directed the amazing Spider-Man movies And Spider-Man shoots webs.

Life is funny, isn't it? Oh, Grandpa. Carrie, I want to thank you so much for being here. Always a pleasure to see you. Thank you for joining us for the Three Timers Club. And I look forward to the four seasons. Had a ball with that first season. So can't wait to see this one.

Thank you, friend. I am going to wait, though, because, you know, as of this taping, it's not out yet. Right. So you're going to have to wait. I'm going to have to, but I... It's worth it. Do you think it's worth it to keep on living until it comes out? Oh, honey, at least till the day.

it comes out. Okay, and then that might be the final thing I do. May 28th, you do what you want after that. Okay, got it. And hey, Zander, Hollyfield. Hey, yeah. I'm going to get to you at a second. Darbara meatbag. Thank you so much for being here. I look forward to working with you and to seeing your other show normal things. And I hope nothing else pisses you off and makes you shoot anything with a gun. I hope that as well. Thank you. All right. But now, uh, uh, Xander, Hollyfield. I did during the plugs closing theme, which was approximately 38 seconds or so. Go ahead. I did this, what I'd been threatening to do, this reverse Google image search.

I don't know why you would do such a foolish thing, Scott. And just a few things popped up. Yeah. Approximately 158,000 hits. Whoa, okay. It sounds like a high number, but it's actually a pretty reasonable volume. For Google, it's actually a low number, yeah. But considering the oddness of the.

crimes. Yeah. When I say crimes, I mean, there are actual laws that you seem to have broken as well. Civil suits. Oh, what? It seems as if that... Wait, what? This gentleman named, it looks to be Cecil Hollifield.

Cecil Hollifield? What is the stupid name? I'd want to get as far away from it as possible. Cecil Hollifield, who comes from Ohio of all places. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Without there jumping fences and having sex with neighbors' hats. Scott, you alternative comedians are crazy. You're imagination.

From the 90s? Yeah, from the 90s specifically. Oh, my God. You and Paula Poundstone are so crazy, man. She was a little more mainstream. I guess she's a little more. Yes, of course. Yes, of course.

Yeah. Anyway, no, man, that's not me. That's not you. No, that can't be. And this picture right here. What picture? Let me see that. It looks to be you, but age down by six years.

Definitely not me. pretty cool picture. You're holding up the name Cecil, it's a mugshot, but you're holding that up next to a cat who is pointing at its butt and there's a word balloon that says, ow. It sounds like a cartoon. Wait, he's also wearing a t-shirt that says

I fuck cats? There's way too much information in this picture for it to be real. Hey, Miss Feedback, can I borrow your gun for a second? Absolutely. Okay, great. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to get the fuck out of here. Nobody follow me. Oh my God, he's pointing the gun to his own temple.

Blazing saddle style. That's right. I'm just crazy enough to do it, so please leave me alone and don't try to find me. All right, everyone back away from them. All right. Thanks for being on the show, Cecil. Bye. Bye.

All right, and we'll see you next night. Thanks. Bye.