Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Ryan Rosenberg, Monika Smith, Dave Theune

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Prospective buyer Craig Zlist aka Fishy joins Scott to talk about being an independent retailer and his beef money. Then, author Ethel B. Dumphrey drops by to talk about becoming her family’s dog to be closer to her kids. Plus, pharmacist Ernie Schrempf stops by to talk about the discount products over at Schrempf’s Discount Pharmacy Hut.

["Comedy Bang Bang"] An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an apple a second, it's death then, I reckon. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Rhymes and is factually correct, I believe. Thank you to Call Waiting for Good Dough. Oh, Call Waiting for Good Dough. Welcome back, catchphrase superstar, and welcome back to any returning listeners. And welcome to any first-time listeners and last-time listeners, I would imagine, as well.

This is Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of the show. This is the show. It used to be the show where we talked to interesting people. Then it became America's podcast, fashioned upon America's team, as we know, the Atlanta Braves. And then I thought that was too reductive, so now it is Humanity's podcast. Although, we are expanding to the birds and beasts of the field, as well.

If they can find themselves near any sort of intelligent pod or stereo system, we're Alexa. Oh, sorry to trigger everyone's Alexa's, by the way. That would be very funny if every character or guest on the show were named Alexa, coming up in 2022. But we do have, speaking of coming up, we have a great show. A little bit later, we have an author. We have a pharmacist. Ooh, a pharmacist. That's, you know, in these days.

We got to track that very closely where our pharmacist is, what they are supplying. But before we get to that, we have, oh, this is interesting. My producer, Devin, has listed him as a prospective buyer. Prospective buyer. Okay, I don't know. I believe Conan's podcast company just sold, if that's what you're looking for. So sorry, you may have missed out on that. But please welcome to the show, Craig's List.

Hey, how you doing? Hey, Craig. Yeah, Craig. Is your last name, Zlist? Is that Zlist? Zlist? Is that what you said? Zlist.

What is that? Is that, uh, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where? I think it's German. Oh, really? I think so. I never really asked my parents. Why not?

Well, because we're from here. Okay. So I just didn't really have much more curiosity. You had no interest in your last name. I don't care. I don't care who the people before me were. Oh, good or bad. So even your parents?

Well, I know them. So I hope they stay. You know them. What about grandparents? Couldn't care less. You'd never met them? Honestly? I'm glad they're dead.

You're glad they're dead. Because I don't know what they did, so I don't want to have to own any of them. So you never met them as a young, as a young child up till now? Well, when I was really young, but I couldn't ask any questions yet and I didn't have it. How did they pass away? I mean, it seems like they passed away of old age. Old age. So you must have, uh, uh, very old parents.

Do they have children late in life? I'm hoping my parents pass of old age as well. We'll see. Hey, that's the best way to go. Isn't it? As far as I'm concerned, you know, unless, uh, the complications that come with that bring you a lot of pain. Yes.

Because then maybe decapitation in a car crash would be preferable. Short age, absolutely. Young age. I hope they become deceased. I want to be the last person ever to live on earth. What about you? Sounds lonely. Sounds pretty lonely.

Well, I'm not saying I would be there for like decades. I'm just saying like, I want to be the, I want to be the last one. I want to win. Can I ask you a question? Would you go nude? Interesting. Or would you still clothe yourself? Wow.

I mean, it's like one of those questions when you go to a hotel and you're alone, do you just like hang out? It is weird. No, you usually put on some underpants or at least in a t-shirt. Yeah, I'll start nude and then I'll put on underpants only for sure. Well, hey, this is a pretty nice place. This is pretty cool place. I don't know what your producer told you, but I'm actually here.

He said perspective buyer, which I don't, that doesn't, I don't have no idea what that means. What do you live here? No. This is a, it's a studio. During the backyard era? Yes. I was living where I was recording.

That makes sense. That makes sense. But then we moved to the studio here and I decided to stay living there and not move in here. That's, that's wise. I think that's wise. Yeah. Well, it's a great spot.

I'm just, are you, are you looking to buy this studio or what are you looking at? Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm actually, I'm, I'm responding to an ad about headphones. It's a lot of 12 headphones. Oh. 12 pairs of headphones. Someone's selling 12 headphones here. That's what the ad said.

Yeah. And it gave an address of where to pick them up or? Yes. It said, it said negotiable. Of where to pick them up or the price? Well, it said both. It said both, but I, I thought I would start at the, I'd start at the locus. I'd start where the ad said to go.

And then I would, I would negotiate. So the ad, the ad says to go, the, the instructions are go to this place, then negotiate. Go to this place. There will be headphones. Seller beware, which I wasn't sure what that meant. Seller beware. Are you the seller? I know.

I, I don't have headphones to sell you. I'm sorry. It's a recording studio. You are on a podcast. I don't know if you know that. What? A podcast. Uh, you know, Obama and Springsteen, those conversations.

Yeah. Like the radio. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah. I know that.

Well, that's really cool. Congratulations to me, I guess. Yeah. Well, you are, I guess you're my, my A block guest. You're my lead off guest on the show. Whoa. I don't even know what that means. Is that before the commercial?

Yeah. Pretty quick. Do you have some sort of? Well, I listen to a lot of radio at home. I don't have a television. You don't? My choice. Oh, okay.

A lot of people think I can't. Because they sell a lot of those, uh, uh, you know, second hand, which it seems, are you a, you seem to be a second hand purchaser? Oh yeah. I hit all the, uh, all the garage sales, the estate sales, the curb sales, the backyard sales. It'd be funny if Larry David had a curb sale. Wouldn't it?

Hey, you just sold memorabilia? God, I would buy everything. You know what I would buy? I'd buy the theme song. Yeah. That'd be good. Don't, don't, don't. Don't you play everywhere you want?

I would. Of course. Yeah. It'd be mine. You'd be one. I would make you real depressed. I think. People would just go, oh God, here comes that theme song.

But a definite, uh, cast or Paul over my life. Yeah. That's right. Well, hey, this place is nice. If you're looking to get rid of those 12 headphones, I'll take them off. I don't think it's me. I think maybe it's Devin, but, uh, my producer or maybe just somewhere. You think you sell new stuff?

You know what? I bet it's Ryan. Trying to sell all the studio stuff before he quits. Oh my God. What a rip. You know, that'll happen. A lot of garage sales are involuntary. Oh, how do you mean involuntary garage sales?

Involuntary by the person who's stuff it is, voluntary by the seller. Someone will steal everybody's stuff or family member will set up another family member, sell out everything in their home. And that's when I come in to get a big old discount. So you, you go to a lot of these sales. You, what are the, what are the, I mean, before, before we finish, whatever I do buy, can you help me carry it to my car? No.

Absolutely not. All right. Well, that's going to lower the price. Yeah. Especially when you say, whatever I do buy. Whatever I buy. Because it could be, uh, you know, you could be buying the toilets. I'm not going to, you know, I could, I, I have no idea.

I'm not selling anything. You're not selling the toilets. Why would you put the toilet up on the dais like that? Why would you put it up to be purchased? Some people like to, to, you know, shit in a place of prominence, you know, so, right. Look, I'm not selling anything, but since I have you here, can I, can I talk to you about your, your methods? Of course.

Yeah. Is that all right? Okay. It's a nice pen. Actually. Yeah. I don't think we're selling the pen. I mean, that pen has been here for eight years.

I literally think that pen has been here a really long time. Probably a lot of people use this pen. A lot of celebrities. This feels like a popular radio show. Yeah. No. I mean, look at this table. There's a lot of signatures of celebrities.

They were all made with that pen. So. It's a pretty sturdy table too, actually. We're not selling the table. Why? Why? Why do you want it? You don't want it?

Do you like spending money? How much? Do you? Are you independently wealthy? How are you able to just buy anything you look at? Well, because I, yeah, because I'm creative. I go to these sales. Half the thing is these people already put it out on the lawn.

Right. They don't want to take it out. It's already gone in their mind. They don't want to take it out. It's gone. You low bomb. 25 cents. I'll give you a quarter for this pen.

No. I mean, that might be a good deal actually. That's what I'm saying. Honestly, I'm shaking it around. It feels pretty empty. Yeah. All right. I'll take a quarter for the pen.

All right. Ten cents. Ten cents. Shoot. All right. That's your stuff. Okay. Yeah.

It's my stuff. All right. A quarter for the table. No. Look at all the celebrities' names on here. Yeah, but they're not here. I mean, not so much for this show, but since my lead guest is a Craig's List. Oh, you want me to put a name on the table?

Oh, please don't sign the table. Why? I'm worried you're going to... If the IU goes down, I'm signing the table. I'm worried you're going to John Hancock this and just sign the entire huge table. You know, as soon as I sign on it, I found a dotted line here. As soon as I sign on it, I own the table. No.

No, that's not how it works. I know possession is nine-tenths of the law. Do you know they just changed that? How much is it now? Ten-tenths. Ten-tenths. Possession is the whole law. Really?

Yes. I know as you have your hands on it, like you're holding it, like it's your... No. No. My hands are on it too. This is hands on a hard body. I'm not leaving until I win this table. Hands on a hard table.

Oh, my God. Give us some tips. Give us some tips about it. Like, say I were to go down to a garage sale and I... You gave us one tip about always low ball, but that seems pretty... Right. What are... Is there a certain time you should arrive or...?

The other tip is you don't have to just offer money. A lot of people are open to bartering. Bartering? Yes. Like, what do you have that you're bartering with? Well, for me... Other stuff you bought? For me, it's beef.

I got out of the dollar. What? Beef? Beef. Beef. I purchased with beef. Are you a butcher by trade? No, no.

The butcher is my bank, actually. I bought... I took all my cash, turned it into beef, and now... Current beef? Yes, current beef. Or future beef. Well, beef... I'm a little bit in beef futures, yeah.

Because I'm going to say a lot of current beef is going to go bad within a week. Not at my bank. I keep my money, beef, at the butcher in their big freezer. In the freezer. I'll give you... What's going to happen to you if, like, Rocky goes in that freezer and starts beeping up all of your money? Well, it could be worth more if it's actually Rocky.

If it's just some scrub, it's probably going to be bad for my money, aka beef. Well, this doesn't sound like a solid business fund, but I bet your butcher was very happy when you... The butcher's thrilled. Because it's like a bank. He can lend out that beef. He can charge interest on that beef. Really?

But can you run a call on the beef and just say, I want all my beef? And then suddenly he's, you know, has to go to... He's beefless. Yeah. Yeah, I can. And then he got you into beef. Fascination. With beef.

With beef. And beef... Okay. The dollar goes up and down. Yeah. Beef lives forever. No, it doesn't. Are you sure?

I'm very sure. It goes bad. Like... No, cows don't live forever, but beef... I guess one could freeze the beef. I mean, the longer you freeze the beef, the worse it tastes when you actually unfreeze it. Okay, so you're not going to sell me the table for beef. That was tip number two.

You were offering beef because you offered me a quarter first. Okay, then I'll... Were you talking about a quarter of a cow? I'll offer you... Because that's a better deal. No, I offered two ribs. Beef ribs. Two beef ribs.

For this table. Are they prepared already? No. They're just raw? Yeah. Well, they're not raw. They're frozen. They're frozen.

You get to prepare them. I... Oh, that's so nice of you. You're welcome. What if I prepare them raw? More supermarkets should advertise that way. It's like, no, you get to prepare all this food. I tell supermarkets that all the time.

Tell them it's pre-food. All the time. How do... Do they welcome you in there? I need money. I need money. My job doesn't work. Where do you work?

Craigslist. You work at Craigslist. Your name is Craigslist? No, that's my grift. I buy and sell from people off Craigslist. So you don't have a job? I'm an independent retailer. Meaning you're selling things?

I buy stuff at a... I guess... I must not be explaining this right. I buy things at a discount. And then I... And then sometimes I'm on a sale. You cry? I'm a little.

Just a little. What is wrong with you? Okay, I don't have a job. What are you, my dad? I'm not your dad, but I sometimes wish I were, so I could discipline you, young man. Geez! First radio appearance. This is a proper business plan.

Okay, all right. Well, what should I do? You... Well, what are your skills? Well, I can freeze beef. I can... Glowball? You're making you freeze the beef?

Of course! I have to clean the freezer if I can keep it there. You put all of your money into this guy and he's making you freeze the beef? I don't have money! I have beef! I can... What can you do? Like, what do you like to do?

Some say, you know, if you do what you enjoy, do what you enjoy and you'll work every day. You'll never work a day in your life. Oh, okay. Is that what it is? What I enjoy is I go on the internet and I scour it. Scour? Scour, meaning like every website you try to hit? Well, every Craigslist website.

I scour one website. I scour everything on one website. Just Craigslist. Craigslist. Craigslist. Craigslist. Is your name actually Craigslist? No.

Okay, yeah. No. It seemed fishy. Okay. What's your actual... Fishy. Fishy? Fishy is my name.

It's my nickname. What's your Christian name? I'm not Christian! I mean, what's your given name? Peter. Fishy. Malarkey. Peter.

Peter Malarkey. Yes. And why do people call you fishy? Because your last name is Malarkey? Yes, exactly. Or because you like fish? Well, I love fish. For a guy who loves beef, to have a nickname of fishy is...

I would eat beef, red meat. I eat fish. I don't think... Why? Beef is... Okay. Have you ever heard of Bitcoin? I...

Yes, unfortunately. Okay. So beef coin is like... Beef coin. Yes. The butcher chops them up into little coins and then they... Little coins? You would eat...

I mean, okay, I guess... You've got beef medallions? Beef medallions and then mini sliders. There you go. Mini sliders. Wait, sliders are mini on their own, right? You don't have to say mini sliders, right? Yeah, mini sliders would be like a Ritz cracker sandwich size thing.

That actually is making me sound... It's making me very hungry. It's making me salivate. Yeah, I mean, putting a little tiny beef medallion in between two Ritz crackers. That sounds pretty good. Aw, man. I'll sell you two of those. Or I'll give you two of those for...

I like this lamp. Yeah, I mean... It's a pretty good lamp. Well, it's pretty dirty and old, but I like it. You like it? What do you like about it? I mean, it's dirty and old. It's got character.

Yeah, I don't even know what it's doing in here. You want to sell it? I don't think it's mine, but yeah, I'll sell it. Sure. I guess anytime I'm in the room, anything that's in the room is sort of mine in a way, right? Well, this is your castle, isn't it? I mean, you built this place.

In the show, I own everything in the room. Yes. That's how I view it. Yeah. All right. So I'm giving you two little beef Ritz sandwich cookie cracker things for that lamp. For this lamp. But I'm getting screwed here.

What if you throw in one of the toilets? There's only one, and I sincerely believe it is not working correctly, because there's a sign next to it saying, do not flush toilet paper, which is like... Yeah, even I'm not taking that deal. What is the toilet good for if it doesn't accept shit? Yeah, exactly. It's like, hey, don't put any shit in this. Don't put any toilet paper.

Right. You're in this. It's not a good idea. Right. Is the urine too thick to flush? Geez. Do you have thick urine? How did...

I give it away every time. Yeah, I can tell just from the look on your face when you said it, you kind of shifted your eyes around like, I hope he doesn't understand. Well, thick makes it seem a little bit childish. The doctors call it viscous urine. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the viscosity of...

They say it's better. Stained glass. Stained glass. Yeah. Before it hardens? No, technically, stained glass is always in motion. What? Yeah.

You didn't know that? I don't even know what it means. Stained glass? Oh, I don't know how to explain it any better. Stained glass is always in motion. When I used to go to church, there were stained glass windows, and they just sat there. Because you're only going for 10, 15 minutes at a time. You look at those things over the course of their lifetime.

It's like an hour and a half. Well, the bottom of the stained glass gets chubby. The whole thing is the viscosity gets that. Okay, so you're not good at science. Jesus Christ! What are you good at, young man? I'm a purchaser. Okay, so you're interested in business in a way, but you're not good at it.

Jesus! Where do you live? What do you live? You don't live here? Let's swap addresses. I would love it. I would love to swap houses with you. Is that what you're saying?

No, just addresses. Good choice. Good save. Good save. You were about to be living in a dumpster, different than one every night. Really? Oh, no. Craig's List.

Oh, it's by choice. It's by choice. What was your first name again in your real name? Craig. It was Craig. Okay. My real name? My Christian name?

Yeah, you're giving it. I'm not Christian. Okay. Peter. Peter. Peter Malarkey. Peter Malarkey. Peter Fishy Malarkey.

I'll just call you Fishy from here on in. Thank you. It sounds stupid to say Craig's List. Right. And we're friends now. All right. So a dumpster every night? Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, until I find a place, I'm just between places. Do you have the money to find a place? Well, I have the beef. Yeah. I don't think a lot of landlords are accepting beef these days. You're telling me it's a rip.

Yeah. It's a rip-off. I know. Because it's, yeah, it's just crazy. What if you sold all your beef for money? For money? Yeah, for cash. Like the dollar?

Yeah, the dollar or, you know. How much would you give me for all my beef? How much beef do you have? God, I probably like a million dollars worth. You bought a million dollars worth of beef? Well, I bought $900,000 worth of beef. It's appreciated. It's appreciated.

What's your interest rate on the beef? My interest rate on the beef is one bone per month. Just a bone. Just a bone. A rib bone a month. A rib bone a month. Yeah. Okay, so 12 of those, you know, that's a 12-pack right there.

Yeah, exactly. That's a full rack. Yeah. Yeah. So you have a million worth of beef? Yeah. What do you think? How much do you want to sell it for?

Love to sell it for a million, too. No. Absolutely not. Well, okay. You have $900,000 worth of beef. I'm not, I don't think that it's appreciated. All right. Well, then give me $900,001.

No, I'm not, you're not going to make money on the beef. You're not going to give me any profit? Love all you. This is your first tip. Geez. I should have done it in reverse. I'll tell you what. Do you, where's all the, where is all the beef located?

This is an important thing. McCalls. McCalls butcher up on Hillhurst. Oh, up on Hillhurst? Really? That's close. They have a big back area. Oh, really?

You wouldn't... I wondered because they have a giant, giant bag, I was like, what is that warehouse doing in the back there? Why don't they turn it into something? It's just holding your beef. Beef bank. Yeah. Beef bank.

Okay. And it's quality beef? It's USDA choice? Of course. Of course. Of course. Prime or better? Prime or even better than prime.

Yeah. I don't think it can be better than prime. Can it? Like, Optimus Prime? Like, that's the best Optimus. This is Optimus Prime beef. This is Optimus Prime beef. I'll give you $250 for it because I have a big barbecue coming up.

For a $900,000 worth of beef? Yeah. Deal. Deal. No deal. Never mind. No. No.

No. You can't say deal and then say no deal. Have you ever seen dealer no deal? It's exactly what they do. We have to call the banker. Okay. Let's get him on the phone. All right.

Like, the guy who runs McCall's? Yeah. Yeah. The butcher. All right. Let's get him on the phone here. Can we dial the phone? Hello.

Hey. Hello, McCall's. Hey. Hey. How are you? Do you mind if I broadcast your voice on... It's not the radio. It's a podcast, if that makes you feel weird.

Jerry, you're on the radio. Whoa. Fishy. Hey. What's happening? Listen, I'm here with Fishy. My name is Scott Ackerman of Comedy Bang Bang. I don't know if you've heard of the show.

No. I've heard of it. You looking to invest? Oh, no. No. I'm looking to take some beef off of Fishy's hands. Okay. Okay.

Well, I got to get a little taste. I got to get a little taste. A little taste? How much do you want? How much of the beef do you want? Is this what a banker usually does? Yeah, he's got to take a taste. He wants his beak?

Yeah. I want my beak a little bit... Can I tell you, he's already got a wet beak every day. His beak is soaking wet. Really? Okay. A rib per pound and the juice is running. A rib per pound and the juice is running.

The juices are running clear. Can I ask you how many pounds is in there? Because he says he has $900,000. He's got $900,000 pounds of beef in here. $900,000 pounds or $900,000? $900,000 worth of pound. I'm ruined. I'm ruined.

I can't afford this warehouse in the back. No deal. No deal. What happened? I think I missed something. Suddenly you're saying I'm ruined? We're all ruined. Let me just buy the toilet.

I'm buying all the beef for $250. Sold. No. Sold. No deal. Hey. I want another toilet. I want another toilet.

Okay. Both of you have a problem. Okay. $250 and we split the toilet and you got a deal. And we need this fast. The juice is running. Okay. Yeah.

You can take the toilet. I get the beef. $250 deal. And you have to make another deal with me later. Of what type? Like a Rumpelstiltskin type. Okay. I'll take it.

All right. Good. If it's a Rumpelstiltskin type, I'm in. Good. Good. Good. I don't have a first board. Okay.

All right. Hey. So how's it going down there? It's going a lot better. I'm going to go over and talk to Jenny's over at Jenny's ice cream now. I've got to explain some things. Her name is Jenny's. Her name is Jenny's over at Jenny's ice cream.

Over at Jenny's? Yeah. Jenny's? How do you spell that? Like mayonnaise? Like jeans and then the A's. Like mayonnaise. What?

Jeans A's? Yeah. Jeans A's. But it's pronounced G. Gene A's. Yes. Interesting. I'm going to talk to her about what?

She's an investor in McCalls and I feel like I've taken a real plunge here with this deal and now she's going to want her money out of this business. So I got to figure out how I'm going to make that all work. Okay. Yeah. How much do you owe her? I owe her a couple of ribs and ... Well, you got to tell you ...

Not my ribs. You got to ... Now you're ... You have one rib per, what was it? Per pound? One rib per pound. And I would say ... Ribs are a pound, aren't they?

Well, there's one rib per pound or one pound per rib. But also, there's a fistful of sliders involved here and I'm going to have to figure that out how I'm going to get that back to her. Okay. Well, this is none of this is my problem. When can I pick up the beef? You can. When can we pick up the beef?

When can we pick up the toilet? Go pick it up right now. I don't give a shit. It doesn't even want a shit. It's stuck in here. But I don't want to give. It's really locked down in here. I'll come by.

I'll come by with the truck. You're going to deliver it? I'm going to deliver it. I'll come by the truck. We'll pick up the toilet. We'll head over to Jenny's and we'll celebrate at Little Dom's. Okay. Wait.

We're all celebrating at Little Dom's. You're in. That's right. Sounds great. We're new buddies. This is awesome. So, wait. I get all of this beef.

You get all the beef. I give you $250. Yes. I have to do a deal with you a little later. I have to be named Rumble Tilts. I have to be named Rumble Tilts? I get to be named Rumble Tilts. Oh, okay.

You have to be named Rumble Tilts. We get the toilet. You get the toilet and I get to party with you guys down at Little Dom's. That's right. Yeah. This is a good deal for me. You ever met Little Dom? Oh, wait.

Is this not the Little Dom's the restaurant over there on Little Hers? Nope. Little Dom's house. Little Dom's house. Who's Dom? Deloise. Dom Deloise's house? The guy who would be slapped all the time in the cannonball run?

Yes. Yes. He wants to tell that story all the time. So, you're going to have to... He's still alive? But I got bad news for you. What? Guess who's doing the slapping now?

Who? Little Dom. Little Dom. Little Dom. Dom Deloise is slapping everyone. He faked his own death because he was tired of being slapped by Burt Reynolds until Burt Reynolds passed away and now he's doing the slapping. It's one of the greatest griffs of all time.

Oh, my God. I'm even more excited by this now. So, if you want to come party, now you know what it means. Wait. I have to be slapped by Dom Deloise? If you want to party? I want to party. Yeah.

I mean, at least just for the stories. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. What time are we doing this? 10.30 a.m. It's 2.30 p.m. right now. But we're not doing it today.

Oh, I'm sorry. What are you talking about? You have to give Dom a little time to prepare. He likes to put out a platter and he loves to host. Yeah. He's a big host guy. Is he oiling up his hands or something for the slapping as well? He wants it to slide right off your face.

So, when are we talking? Tomorrow? 10.30 tomorrow? Tomorrow. 10.30 a.m. Okay. We'll bring the toilet. You're going to bring the toilet?

Well, we're going to pick up the toilet and get the toilet and of course bring it. Because once that thing's by our side, it's not going anywhere. Oh, really? Does Dom not have an actual toilet? Not a working one. Not a working one. Oh, okay. So, this is a good deal for the party as well.

It's one of those three-way trades like in the NBA. It's perfect. Yeah. You an NBA fan? Of course. Fishy? Of course. I tried to sell.

Who's your team? Well, it was the Bulls. Then I found out they're not very good this year. What an allegiance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd you find this out, by the way? Well, I saw that they were out in the playoffs. I turned on the playoffs and said, where's my Bulls?

And they were gone. He was out. Seems like you could have been paying attention to them beforehand. I was shopping. You were a true fan. I was shopping all year. You were shopping, yeah. Well, we're good friends now.

What was your name, by the way? Mick Hall. Mick Hall. Yep. Okay. That's like Mick Hucknall without the nook. Yeah, exactly. The lead singer of Simply Red.

Ah, you don't. You're preaching to the choir, buddy. You don't have to tell me. I hate to do that. Yeah. They would do that at my church all the time. Wrong direction. Wrong direction.

Yeah. It's like, hey, turn around. Talk to us. Yes. All right. We're good friends. They should be flipping those stained glasses every year. Every year.

Yeah. Yeah. Except then the picture would be upside down. It would look like something else. Yeah. Good stained glass person makes the picture two ways, like a jacket. Oh, yeah. That's true.

Yeah. Maybe if you're good at stained glass, that might be something you could get into. You just know about stained glass. I can't do it. Do you watch a documentary on it? I can't stain it. It just ends up as glass. When's the staining part of it come into the process?

For me, it's every time I eat a sandwich. Okay. All right. Nice to talk to you guys. Mick, I'll see you at 10.30. Was he at 10.30? All right, buddy. And then we're partying, what, all night?

Or? 10.30 a.m. tomorrow. We're partying until around noon. And then? Until noon. Yeah. All right. How long do we want to get slapped?

Yeah. Trust me. Not as long as you think you do. Okay. Yeah, you're right. All right. This is good. All right.

We're hanging up on you, Mick. Love you. Bye. Love you. Love you. All right. Craig, can you stick around? We have some other guests we've got to get to.

Always nice to make a new friend. We're going to be right back. We have an author and we have a pharmacist. This is an exciting show. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back. We have Craig's List, a.k.a. Fishy.

What was your first name again? Peter. Peter. Peter Malarkey. Peter. A.k.a. Fishy. I go by Craig, but my name is Fishy. My real name is Peter.

Yeah. Okay. So what do you prefer to be called? Fishy. Fishy. Okay. But you go by Craig. I go by Craig.

Okay. Well, it's great to have you, Fishy. And we have to get to our next guest. Is that okay? What happens on the show is I have a few guests on and we're going to bring another person on and talk to them a lot like the way that I talk to you. Okay. All right.

And this just goes out over the airwaves. Yeah. I mean, not airwaves necessarily. I think people have to download or at least stream it. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. You know.

Bites. Okay. All right. Well, let's get to it. She's an author. Please welcome to the show. Ethel B. Dumfrey. Hello, Ethel.

Hi. Thanks for having me. Excited to be here. Oh, it's my pleasure. Do I hear a little lilt in your voice of Southern twang? I don't know. Do you? I can't answer that.

What's that about your face when you're talking to me? My goodness. I know the impulse is to turn your head and talk to me, but then we're not hearing your voice. There we go. Hello. So where are you from? You're from the South.

I'm from the South. I'm from Bama. Yeah. Oh, Alabama. Yeah. Well, not all of it. Just the Bama part. This is the kind of joke that we like on this show.

Wonderful. Wonderful. Which part are you from? It's a small town. It's called Fort Town. Fort Town. Yeah. Interesting.

There are a lot of forts there or a lot of battles were fought there? Fort Town. There were a lot of... That's the other type of joke we like on this show. A little bit. You do comedy. Oh, thank you. Maybe I will try it at one point.

Until then, I'm stuck doing this. So it's wonderful to meet you. You're an author. I am self-published. I wrote a book called Dog E. Dog. Dog E. Dog. Yeah. Okay.

Interesting. We had a self-published author on the show last week as well. Oh. Okay. Well, competition. Well, I don't view artists competitive necessarily unless you're going for that, me. You know, I have two of them.

So in that respect, I did kind of view art as a competition and I was glad that I won. The other years that I didn't win, I didn't view it as a competition necessarily. But I don't think another author is a competition for you as much as it's just a wonderful world where anyone can buy any kind of book that they like. Yeah. And I think everyone should buy my book because I learned a lot from this experience. Tell us about your book. What is it?

Well, let me just start with my husband. He left me. Oh, okay. I'm so sorry. It's all right. It's all right. Was this a recent thing because of the book? Seven years ago.

Oh, seven years ago. Seven years ago. He left me, got the kids. So I watched that movie. Got the kids. How does that happen? Usually. You know, you'd think the woman would get it.

Yeah. But I guess, you know, who knows what Fort Town thinks of women lately. Oh. So it was a misogynist kind of judge, you think? Probably. Oh, interesting. But you know what? It's okay.

Because what I did is I watched that movie with that hairy man, Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, I thought you were talking Harry and the Henderson's for a second. Oh, no. That very hairy Williams, man. Robin Williams. Robin Williams, yes. Yeah. The RIP, of course.

He's no longer with us. Well. But he lives on as Mrs. Doubtfire with a drive-by fruiting. And RIP, my dog Rufus, because what I did was kill him, and then I got a taxidermist to put his skin on my body, and I pretended to be my family's dog so I could be near my kids. Okay. Just the skin?

Well, I have a cousin, Judy, and my dog was dying, so I didn't kill him. It's more like I helped him out, you know? Oh, you euthanized your dog? I euthanized him, but it took his body. Okay. I guess that's not illegal to euthanize your dog, especially if your dog is in pain. You say your dog was dying? I think so.

You think so? I mean, age is a number, and he was hitting four, so it was kind of cum. Four is young for a dog, I gotta say. Well, I did seven years in his body, and let me tell you, it was starting to fall apart by the end. Ah, yeah. Okay, so wait, you have a friend, Judy, is that what you're saying? My cousin, Judy, is a taxidermist.

Oh, I see. So your cousin, Judy, did what now? She made a dog suit for me, and I crawled inside, I'm a lady gone on all fours, and I've been living like a dog for seven years so I could be near my kids. Interesting. Okay. So, and they think you're a dog? They think I'm Rufus.

They do. And they're happy to have Rufus. Well, now they're in college, and I just kind of like being Rufus, you know what I mean? It's like an existential crisis meets a shark-tutor-y board. I don't know where the board comes into it, but... Well, little pieces of life lessons, that's what happened was a dog. Got it, interesting. And so, your dog name was Rufus, and what did you do as Rufus that first day?

Did you just show up at the house or...? Just a show. First thing I did was shit. Oh, sure. Well, my husband left me, you know, so I was mad. Oh, wait. This is back at your house before you became Rufus? When I became Rufus, I entered my husband's home.

Okay. Yeah, that's weird that your husband left you and you immediately shit because you were angry, but yeah, let's jump ahead to when you crawled into the Rufus suit and then went to your husband's. I'm in the Rufus suit, and I'm in the house, and the first thing I did was I... I guess what I'm wondering though is, how did you arrive as Rufus? Were you like on the porch? You didn't just like open the door, the doorknob, and walk in as Rufus.

I took Rufus, and he snuck out, and the kids were crying a ton, making posters, being like, we miss our doggy. Sure. And then I came back, but I was inside the Rufus body. No, I understand all this, but okay, Craig, Fishy, can you help me out here? I thought she was being Rufus. I'm Rufus. No, this is...

We know this. I'm wondering, that first day, did you ring the doorbell? How did the kids come upon Rufus that second? Well, there's a doggie door, and I'm a petate woman. Okay, there we go. You just came in through the doggie door, and they were happy to see you. They were happy to see me, and I crawled through that doggie door, and I gave them all some licks, which is kind of fun.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know, to lick someone for loving? Yeah. So, I did that with... Can I ask a question? Are you doing that with the dog's tongue, or with your tongue? Yeah, that's a good question. I had an apparatus attached to the tip of my tongue, so it's a mix of my tongue and

the dog's tongue. I see. So, it was like a prosthetic with using the dog's... The former dog, Rufus' tongue. I'm like Nicole Kidman in those movies, where she adds a nose to her face. Oh, yeah. I love those movies. But added a tongue to my mouth.

Right, right, right. Okay, so they're not tipped off to the fact that it's a... They're dumb. Oh, your kids are dumb? They're in college right now. Yeah, well, community. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Interesting. So, I mean, wait, you said this was seven years ago, so now they're in college. Are they twins or something, or they're different? Oh, no. Well, you know, we did that thing where we had a lot of sex, so we had babies nine months apart. Oh, okay.

I was happy once with him. I was twins, they call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. They're now all in school, and I'm still technically living with my ex-husband as Rufus. And how... I mean, that's got to be a horrible situation to... I mean, because I can only imagine he's kind of letting his guard down when you're around

and just acting like he normally would act, you know... He is, and it's wonderful. Oh. You know. You're seeing a different side to him. I'm seeing a different side to him, and I'm seeing a different side to myself. Really? Yeah, there's something about not having any choices that can be fun.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. So, you're like now, because you don't supposedly don't have opposable thumbs, you're not allowed to feed yourself, you're not allowed to go outside whenever you want, you're sort of on a schedule, and you're on your ex-husband's schedule. I'm on my ex-husband's schedule, and he wants to go out, I go for a walk. And when he wants to stay in, I lay and look out the window, and let me tell you, it's

great. Yeah. I know what every flower on my block smells like. I bet you don't. No, I don't think I do. I mean, probably good. Well, I think this is very good. Unless it's been pissed on by a female dog, then don't smell it.

Oh, yeah, okay. It's pretty terrible. I mean, some say like, that's a great way to live is just get rid of all of your choices. I know Michael Kors, he just wore the same outfit every single day because he didn't want to have to devote any kind of brain power to picking out clothes. You know what I mean? Barack Obama did that. Well, he wore that tan suit that one day.

Well, he said, I want to be president. And that's it. Okay. You didn't have to decide other stuff. Okay. I like Barack. You don't even have to go, which job do I want? He just goes, president.

I get it. I'm very much like Barack. Yeah. Except that shows a dog body. Yeah. No, so it's interesting. I mean, I can only imagine life is simpler for you, right? You're just whole.

I mean, I would get tired of food. You know, you get used to it. Yeah. You get used to the chewing. I'm not arguing about what we're going to watch on Netflix. He decides, you know, so there's something to like, all right, you want to watch that show alive again? Okay.

Alive again. What is that one? Alive where they got, where they're alone and they, they bring weapons and they got to live out in Canadian wilderness. Alive. Alive alone. Alive alone. I don't know that I know this one.

It's called something like that. I don't read much as a dog anymore. Yeah. Well, no, you can't. You're not behaving like a dog in the brain. Yeah. It is great. Let me tell you, it is so empowering, you know.

You guys stop for me when I want to smell something, y'all will stop. When I want to piss, y'all will watch. I've never had my anus looked at more. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, hey, that's one of the benefits. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense to me. I mean, if you're into having your anus looked at then.

I'm just saying, I've always shot in private and now I just go and people watch it happen. I can take my time and squeeze and hold and everyone's on my shit clock. Yeah. No, I get it. I mean, that's if you like people looking at your anus and watching you shit, I mean, and not reading, it actually sounds like a pretty good life. Sounds like being in grade school again. Yeah.

In a way. A little bit. A lot of people look at your anus and grade school. Only while I was shitting. People were watching you shit. I had to go to the doctor a lot. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So the doctor was watching you shit or people were people were watching you shit and that made you go to the doctor. Yeah. I had doctor. Why are you doing this so much? Yeah. So you were making. Oh shit.

We're getting a call. Hello. Hey, this is McCall. Hey, me. Second time caller. Long time listener. Oh, really? Is you've listened to the show before?

Yeah. Couple of times. What's your favorite? This one. So anyways, I just want to make sure I got this right. How did the dog get to the door again? Oh, you've been listening while we've been doing the show. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I just wandered through the doggy door. Doggy door. I know I got big hips for breeding, but I was able to fit in that rufous body and sneak through that doggy door on a slant, you know, where you just kind of twist your body a little, use angles. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Sort of squeeze a cheek through and then when it's in the crack, you kind of like, you know, shuffle. You wiggle back. Yeah. You know the move. Anyway, this is a good dance song. These are lyrics for a good song.

You squeeze the cheek through when it's in the crack, then you wiggle back. I'll be playing that in the store. Anyway, just wanted to say I can relate to the old people watching your shit in grade school and also I made some bad investments with the beef. We don't have any more beef. We do have a lot of pork. Just want to let you know it'll be porky. It will not be beef when you come to pick up the beef.

How much pork? It'll be two to seven pounds. Two to seven pounds for $250? Yeah. This is a bad deal now. No, there are no. Bad deal for me. Bad deal for man.

Not the deal that I made. Yeah. That's the way it goes here. Mick Halls. Come on down. That's not a way you could do business and say that's the way it goes here unless you're a gangster. That's the way me.

All right. Hang up on this guy. Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of a beef deal that's turned into some sort of pork deal. This is, oh man. I mean, I think pork tastes good. It's the other white meat.

Yeah. But what are you eating? I mean, what's your diet? I eat a lot of cable. There was a time when my husband tried to switch to a cheaper brand and I let him know that's not okay. How do you let him know that? How do you get him out or?

I wind a bunch, I farted a ton, I chewed up all the things he loves. What's a ton to you? You know, it's a literal ton. Oh, okay. Like a cubic. It's a gaseous state. Yeah. Yeah.

It's quite fun. I mean, I'm telling you, y'all, it's liberating being a dog. Yeah. Well, tell us about the book. So what did you, I mean, you're not reading all that much anymore. How did you write the book and when, how did you, where did you find the time? Is this while your ex-husband is sleeping? Yeah.

It happened the day a lot. So at night, I would write the book in my doggy bed, you know. At first it was for my kids, but then I realized I don't like my kids. Really? So you think this to be around your kids and you don't even, even really care for them? You know, they're pretty terrible and selfish and they do a lot of dances. Did you learn that as a dog? Is that?

It took me to be a dog because as a parent, I was like, they look like me. They act like me. I love them. And then as a dog, I was like, you're annoying and shit. Yeah. And as I'm thumbing through the book here, it gets less person-like and more dog-like as it goes. In my way, does it just turn into like rough, rough?

Yeah. Rough, rough. There's one chapter that's just howl. Yeah. Just howling. Have you ever really howled? That's like an Allen Ginsberg chapter. Yeah.

Yeah. It's actually pretty enlightening. Wow. So, so this, the book, you started it when you started being the dog and then it just, it. Yeah. It was the tragedy and trauma of divorce and then you realized. It's a bad divorce for you.

What happened? I mean, it was my only divorce for me. So I'm assuming it's bad. Dogs don't get divorced, do they? I don't think they do. I was reading about seagulls recently and not to brag, but I have an exciting life. And apparently they're monogamous, but then the article I was reading said, occasionally they'll divorce, which I, divorce is a legal term.

Is it not? I don't think you can really use it as that. See, I'm trying to get those animals to listen to this show because I think humanity's podcast is just too reductive. So I'm talking about seagulls now. You're a businessman. You always got to look for the next fight. Yeah.

Exactly. Like I need to widen the influence. You should go for crows. They're much smarter than seagulls. You think so? Really? Why is that? You leave treats for them, they'll come back and they'll stop bringing you gifts.

Interesting. Yeah. Okay. So the murder of crows, murder is of course a group of crows. Why don't we name like every single animal on earth has a different name for what we call a grouping of them? Let's just like, let's consolidate this, you know, like let's call everything a bunch or something like that.

I love that. I like it. Also, we don't have a name for a bunch of humans. We have... Yeah. For all the other animals, we got something for humans. School of fish. School.

Yeah. I just said that. A fish. Okay. Okay. School of fish. I thought you were going to add one, but you just repeated what I said. I know they're other ones.

I know they're other ones too, but it's not worth even bringing them up at this point. That's why it's good to be a dog. I don't need to care about names and figures and things. Yeah. You ever have another dog try to, you know, give you the business? Little bit. Little bit. Little bit.

That's his name. Oh, little bit? Yeah, little bits. He's his tough little dog on the street. I think he got named after the kibble, little bits and bits. Oh, yeah. That's cute. Kibbles and bits.

Cute. So did your ex-husband, he wasn't looking one day and then suddenly a little bit came up on you? He wasn't looking and little bits try to make a move. I got to be honest though. It had been a while. Oh, really? Yeah.

Just to have a touch. You know, everyone's rubbing my belly, which has my titties attached, so it's kind of nice. It's kind of nice, yeah. So your ex-husband is, you're showing your belly and then he's just rubbing your tits. He's rubbing my tits and he doesn't realize it. He doesn't realize it. He's rubbing them all.

Yeah, he's rubbing them, but he doesn't know it's his ex-wife. But this is turning you on when you're getting your titties rubbed. It does feel good. It does. Any woman who says it doesn't probably is lying. It does feel good. Probably. I've always felt.

He can't trust a woman, but a dog. That little bits also, he knew what to do. You know, he sniffed me first, he licked around my ear, he made little gentle sounds. That made me feel comfortable. Oh, that sounds undog-like. That's practically a dating dog language. Yeah. Yeah, he never asked me on a date, but you know what, I'm not the dating type.

Yeah. I'm still technically married because I disappeared. Oh, yeah, well, you did disappear, yeah, I mean, I haven't even thought about that. Did the police ever come by your ex-husband's place? I think they did. You know, I was kind of hoping he'd be up on murder charges and be me and the kids. Oh, yeah. You know, I left blood stains, but they were like, oh, she's just menstruating.

Oh, this is a misogynist town. Yeah, it's very Bama, let me tell you. Yeah. What was it, Fort St. Fort? Fort town. Fort town, that's right. Fort town, yeah. Yeah, a bunch of misogynists on the police departments, ACAB of course, and then the

judges, boy. Let me tell you this. Goes all the way to the top. Male dogs ain't misogynists, they're lovers. Yeah, so that was just once that happened, or? That happened once, but then I started going to the dog park and let me tell you, I felt freer than college when I made out with a woman and let her touch my left breast. Oh, wow.

Okay. An actual woman or a female dog? No, I let a woman touch my left breast, I thought if she touched both, it would maybe confuse me too much, so I just gave her a handful. Oh, okay. Yeah, it doesn't sound like you were feeling that free. I wasn't that free yet, right? Yeah, if you show one, Titty, it's like, oops, but if you show both, you're kind of, you're

in. Are your tears? I don't want to focus on these, but are they out, or are they covered by the dog? They have a very short fur across them, you know, so it is pretty much female bristices with a little bit of hair. Like those little short coats, like a half-look. Yeah, yeah, like right now, you're... Oh, hold on, I'll make another call.

Hello? Hey. This is ComedyBangBang. Hey, Nick, how are you listening to the show while we're recording this? I'll tell you what, I'm listening to, with my teeth clenched, because this is a family butchering. I got this pumping through the speakers, and we got... Sorry to say Titty so much, but I mean, this part of the story intrigues me.

Okay, well, just remember. So you're here to give us the note to... It's not that kind of show? It's not that kind of show, right? I got a... Well, you're a butcher, don't you see Titties all the time? Yes, I see Titties all the time, but I don't go... I don't go...

You chop them off. You chop them off. You don't actually, like... But you're rubbing on them, right? You got to tenderize that meat. I bet you rub a good meat, Titty, all the time. Yeah, that's part of what we're known for here at Macaulay's. I do rub a good Titty, but that's not what we're talking about.

What do you do with the chopped off Titties? I make little hats. Oh, wow. Okay. Like party hats? Like for... Like, we sell to Hasbro for... You sell them to Hasbro?

Me? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, these are like stocking caps. Anyways, just want to call, quick tell you... You sell them to Hasbro, and they use them as stocking. Hasbro is really getting big. They're getting close now.

Damn. Okay. All right. First place. Anyways. Are you wrapping up? I'm wrapping up. I just want to quick tell you, I got a...

I got a good time. Real quick, you wanted to tell us what? Yeah, we're out of... Before you wrap up. Yeah. There was a robber here at Macaulay's. Oh, no. What?

They took a murder of pork, and now we're down to a bunch of... We're down to a bunch of bison, so you'll be getting bison instead of pork. Okay. Baby bison's better. How much bison? A bunch of baby bison. A bunch of baby bison? This is getting worse and worse.

Do I still get to go to Dom Deloise's place and get slapped? You have to. Now, he's looking forward to it. I already told him. You can't take that back once it's out there. That might be worth the 250 in itself. It will be. All right.

Love you. Love you. Well, Ethel, where can people get this book? Right now. It's self-published. You've got to write me an email, and I will print you a copy at Kinko's. How do you get to Kinko's, though? Do you have to wait for your ex-husband to actually want to go to Kinko's?

Well, I still got that doggy door so I can sneak out. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, these hips haven't gotten any bigger because I'm not breeding any more children. That's Shakira's song, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, these hips are good. The sequel to They Don't Lie. And by the way, they haven't gotten any bigger. All right.

Well, we need to take a break. Ethel, be dumb freak. Can you stick around? Because we have a very exciting next guest. We have a pharmacist coming up. Oh, okay. I like drugs. Oh, yeah.

I would imagine. All right. Well, we'll be right back with more Craigslist, aka Fishy. More Ethel, be dumb freak. And a pharmacist will be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. We have Fishy over here. And Fishy, is it time for that other deal after?

Or is that a little... Yeah, are you pretty attached to this carpet or is that on the table? The carpet's not on the table. It's on the ground. Well, not currently. Yeah, it's on the ground currently. But I'm wondering. All right, Fishy.

Okay, all right. We also have SOP Dumfries here. I did piss on the corner on the carpet. I just want to put that out there. Yeah, you could have that part of the carpet, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, why did you do that? That's my territory.

Instinctually, I felt like I needed y'all to know I'm part of this room. Okay. Well, yeah. What's the weirdest thing you ever had to do as a dog? You know, it's listen to humans cry. Oh, is your ex-husband crying a lot? Oh, my goodness. What was he crying about?

People tell humans all their secrets. He was mostly crying about me. People tell humans all their secrets? People tell humans dressed as dogs all their secrets when they don't know. So you left out that part. Yeah, it's obvious. I'm still in my dog outfit right now. I'm just sitting upright.

I'm going to say, but yeah, I mean, and that is, I mean, it's really rank. It started to smell really bad. And let me just say, whoa, right? This dog's talking. I haven't said that all though. There's a dog. Did you just turn around and look at her for the first time? Well, I've been goofing on my cell phone a little bit.

What are you doing? Are you playing snake? I wish. I don't have a snake. I can't afford that. What's on your cell phone? Worm. I got worm.

Worm. Yeah, worm in that one. All right. Well, we have to get to our next guest. He's a pharmacist. This is exciting. We all need a local pharmacist or global. We can also talk about that.

Please welcome Ernie Schrempf. Hello, everyone. Thanks for having me. Hello, everyone. Oh, I've had some guests come on and say hello, everyone a few times. Really? Yeah. What else is it if it's their catchphrase?

Never mind. Anyway, go ahead. Hello, everyone. Good to see you, Scott. Yeah. This is a pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me. Ernie Schrempf.

Welcome. Ernie Schrempf. This is Fishy. Fishy. Hey. Fishy is over here. Is it German? It is.

Hey, Mal. Hey. Why would you think he's German from Fishy? Well, I feel like Fishy, that's a classic German nickname. We also have this is Ethelby Dumfrey, not a dog, an actual woman dressed as a dog. Right. Whoa. Let me put my specs on.

Oh. Whoa. Hello. Yeah. Blurryier than ever. Still can't tell. Still look like a dog. Wait.

Well, you have spectacles that are blurry? Yes. Sometimes I like to get out of reality a little bit. Oh, so you put on specs that make it more blurry? More blurry, dream-like. Oh. It's all in your perspective. So it's like you're undergoing a reverie of some sort.

Yes, every day. Interesting. Over at Schrempf's Discount Pharmacy Hut. That's a lot of words. Let me unpack these. Mm-hmm. So Schrempf, that's you. That's me.

Used to be owned by your parents or anything like that? I built it from the ground up, Scott. Ground up? All me. See, I would go from the sky down. Really? I'm going to tell you what, you're going to run into logistical problems with that. Probably gravity?

Yeah. First starters, she's unforgiving. It truly is. So Ernie's, Ernie's, Ernie's, Ernie's. Ernie's, no, Schrempf's. Ernie's not part of this. Ernie's not, Ernie's at the heart of it, but Ernie's not part of it. Okay, so Schrempf's Discount.

So you sell your, everything at a discount? We sell, we don't sell everything at a discount, but everything that we have is discounted. Because everything that we have, we don't deal with the name brand products that are out there that are gouging your wallet. Generic drugs. Generic drugs. And also, Ernie's own line of products. Oh, so you, so you have your own Schrempf's line, or is it Ernie's?

Is it like Trader Joe's, where it would be Trader Jose's for a while? It's a little bit of that, a little bit of this, you know. Absolutely. So Schrempf's is here, but then it's like Ernie's cholesterol pills. Let me tell you what, yes. Tell me, what's something, would you go to the pharmacy? Tell me something, what do you, what's an item that you'd pick up? I mean...

I'd buy Gasex for you. What do you think Gasex? I mean, I think you should pick it up. Oh, okay. Now, you're the one who's been farting a metric ton, or a cute ton. Either it's you, or it's this dog that's farting the whole time. I'm pretty sure it's the dog. Okay.

Well, let's say you're coming by to get your regular weekly pick up of Gasex. When you come over to Ernie's discount pharmacy hut, we're not selling you Gasex at some inflated price, we're selling you bloat be gone at a discounted price. Okay, so bloat be gone. So how do you figure out all these drugs? You, I mean, you're a pharmacist, so you, do you, are there ingredients on that? Like, how does anyone do this? There are definitely ingredients, and we put ingredients in every one of our products.

Guaranteed. Oh, great. So how do you figure it out though? Like, when you take Gasex, are you like... Trial and error, Scott. Trial and error. The Michael Richards method. Can I be honest, bloat be gone is a little corporate for me.

Really? Yeah, it's a little mainstream. Ernie's bloat be gone? You don't like Ernie's bloat be gone? I tried it, I just, I'm looking for something a little more generic. So you've been to shrimps. Oh, of course. Okay.

That's my favorite hut. Well, that's the thing. It's your favorite hut, so if you come here and bloat be gone is too corporate for you, then you got to try our sub-line of products. In this case, try farting away. Farting away. I've tried that. Farting away.

I have tried that. He gives it treats to dogs that walk by. Oh, okay. Remember that Tom Cruise movie? You're going to have to be more specific. Minority report. Minority report. I thought we were talking days of thunder.

No. He was farting in that car. There's a lot of farting. I mean, he's alone in it. Why not? Why not? But if he'd had farting away. And a centrifugal force?

Farting away. Yeah. Scott, if you were the last man on earth, would you fart? Yeah. Me too. Probably. Yeah. Would you do with clothes on?

Would you do with clothes on? Yeah. I'm doing it right now. Yeah. Freedom. Freedom I have. I will say his product worked great. It made my eyes bleed a little.

Oh, really? Just a tad. I mean, that's some bad error with that trial. Is it? Yeah. Or is that the intended outcome of my product? No. I don't think so.

I think when someone picks up fart begun or farting away, they don't want their eyes to be bleeding. They don't want their rectum to stop you tootin'. That sounds to me like a Walgreens customer. All right. Always expecting a high quality, high performance products at a high price. Well, yeah. I'll pay a little more if it actually works and doesn't make my eyes bleed.

So if that makes me a Walmart customer, sure. Sam Walton and his mart. Yeah. Well then, not everyone's like you, Scott. All right. Some of us are down here blue-collar-ing it, just trying to get by. So a little eye-bleeding is to be expected from our products. You're wearing an Armani suit right now.

You're not blue-collar. It's a blue collar on my shirt? Yeah. Well, it's kind of a pattern though. It's very expensive. Yeah. It's an Argyle pattern. I don't know.

Argyle colors. It's a little distracting for me. It's a dickie as well. What is going on with this suit? Are you actually wearing a shirt? It looks like you're just wearing a high-neck dickie. Yeah. It's a high-neck dickie.

Some of us call it a dickie. It looks like you're just wearing a high-neck dickie. Yeah. It's a high-neck dickie. Some of us can't afford an entire shirt here. So you can afford an expensive Armani suit? I spent all the money on the suit. Okay.

You say this is your favorite hut. What's your second favorite hut? Oh my God. A photo hut. What about pizza? Really? That's all the way down to third? You're a Domino's guy.

You're a Domino's guy? Why do you like the noise? Yeah. Well, since they admitted that their pizza sucked, I was like, finally we agree. At least we can agree on this. Yes. I need an honest pizza. So if pizza hut were to admit that they sucked, well, pizza doesn't suck.

So what did you want them to do? If pizza hut would go, you know what? We're decent. I'd go, that's my favorite pizza. Okay. But they're just not, they're not talking about the quality. No, they say they're awesome. They're not awesome.

I just wish it was an actual hut. Yeah. I would eat pizza in a hut any day. Yeah. What about Java? I would eat pizza there. At his palace? Absolutely.

Really? Java's the pizza guy. I mean, who do you, if you have a question about food, you ask Java. What about pizza hut from Spaceballs? So this is, I mean, we're already down to like number six at this point. Right. Right. I mean, he's funny.

He's very funny. He's very funny. He's not my favorite hut. Domino's my favorite hut. What? I thought you said Ernie's. Ernie's my favorite hut. What?

Domino's my favorite pizza place. Oh my God. What is going on? What is going on here? Ernie, no. I'm going to get my warts away from you. Yeah. Warts away.

What does that do? What does that cure? They take away the warts. They give them to someone else. Give them to someone else? Yeah. Yeah. Who would take it?

Like someone that he lives with or just a random person? Is this like the box where you hit a button and someone dies in the world? Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. It was the best we could do. We were on a timeline. I got a wart the other day and I was, is that from your warts away?

Probably. I'm sorry. Motherfucker. Congratulations. Wait, give me the warts away. I want to give it to you. Oh. Oh.

Do we get to choose who we give the wart to? Yes. Why did you choose me? How do you know that's my wart? A lot of people are buying warts away. You probably got some enemies. Yeah. Yeah.

You have a lot of warts. So what do you do? You type in the person's name that you want to give it to into a database. Yeah, registry. Yeah, registry. Yeah, registry. And then you type it in and then in four to six weeks, that person has got a wart. Four to six weeks.

That's a little, I don't know that I like that time. That's what you get with discount shopping, my friend. You can't have it all. Super fast. This is Ernie's discount pharmacy hut, not pharmacy castle. Just for the holidays. Yeah. And that's on the commercial.

You can't have it all. This is Ernie's discount pharmacy hut. What was the rest? You've seen the commercial so many times. You tell us. I didn't write the commercial. Would you like to do that? Maybe that's a job you could write in commercial.

Rich, I wish. Let's hear an idea for a commercial for Ernie over here. Okay. Ernie's. His slogan's a little lengthy. You can't even remember it. Right. Ernie's pharmacy hut.

We've got what you need. If you want it to be anti-corporate and still work, but have a lot of loopholes. I don't know. That's a lot of reading. That's a lot of reading. You can't even, I mean, you'd be out the first word. No, I would just say Ernie's, we got drugs and they're cheap. You know, if you don't want to be a dog anymore, you could be a copywriter.

I mean, dogs can be kind of smart. You know, I do remember some things. Dogs can remember up to like 250 words if they want to. And they know their way home. Yeah. Did you ever get lost as a dog? I did. I got lost.

It was real, real scary. Really? It was on Halloween night. It was on Halloween. That's a terrible night to get lost. And I was walking on my hind legs as a woman does in a dog suit. Right. You walk on your hind legs all the time?

When no one's around, I like to feel famine and I go back to my walk. So did everyone think you were a woman dressed as a dog on Halloween? I think they thought I was a dog who knew how to shuffle, you know? Yeah. I was walking the streets. Cars were stopping. I saw you walking by the hut one day. I thought it was Bigfoot on your hind legs.

I'm really tall on my hind legs, but I'm really small on all fours. Have you ever seen a woman on all fours? Totally different size than when she's standing. I think I've ever seen a woman on all fours. I'm trying to look back through my memory. Have I ever? No. No, I wouldn't look at that.

Three. Yeah. Three tops. Yeah, three tops. Maybe three. It's not the whole body, just the top part. Just the tops. Three tops of it and you're like, I won't look down.

On all fours. Yeah. Not looking down. Well, that's how did you finally find your way back home? You know what? My sense of smell has really changed. Yeah. When you don't use all your other senses.

You're like Daredevil. Yeah, I am. Or I'm like that guy on Numbers or Mentalist. Yeah, yeah. One of those guys. Come on, Ray Jack. From Rescue Rangers. The cheese?

Yeah. He's got strong smell. I got a strong smell. I'm like a thunder cat, but my sense of power is my sense. Okay. So you were able to finally smell your way back. I smelled my way back. Did your ex-husband put some dirty clothes of his out there by the door?

No, he's got a scent to him. Oh, really? Yeah. He was in a car when we were in high school in Noir. He was ahead of his time. Oh, he was ahead of his time. Wow. Ahead of his time.

Yeah. And so he still kind of sprinkles it on his nether regions. Really? Then when he gets sweaty, like it just spreads. Does he have dates come over to the house ever or? He does. He eats a lot of dates, but he also brings dates over. Wow.

And let me tell you, it's upsetting. Really? Yeah. Does he make you watch? He doesn't make me. He's not like dog watch, but I watch. But you come into the room and you just like, yeah, boy. I make it uncomfortable.

I lick myself while they're doing their business. Oh. Can you reach all the way down there? Oh, yeah. As a human, I could. So this is just. Oh, okay. I mean, this is how you got interested in that thing.

Yeah. I was already connecting with these animals in a way. Interesting. What do you think about that? Ernie? I'll tell you what. She should make her way down to Ernie's farm. A discount pharmacy hut.

She's already made her way down south in other ways. She should make her way down to Ernie's discount pharmacy hut. Speaking of down south, you need to visit our location. Are you aware of, do you know where Paramount Studios is? I do. Yeah. I mean, how do you usually get there? I would take Van Ness off the one.

I would take Van Ness. You're a fool if you take anything other than that. So we take a Taft over there. And then make a ride over there on. Yes. Yes. From there, you take, you go on tidy four hours and 40 minutes south. What?

To the border of Mexico. And that's where we're located. On the other side? On the other side. Really? You're in Tijuana? Yeah. So just get over to Tijuana and get yourself a discount.

I mean, people go to Tijuana for discounted things all the time. They already are famous for generic down there. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Exactly. And how do you think that started? Oh my.

Ernie. God, you're putting your hands behind your head proudly. And kicking back and relaxing like you did something cool. It's like a cartel boss. That's how they sit. Wow. They sit like that, but I haven't dared. Wouldn't you right now in this moment of victory,

like to enjoy a cold, refreshing Coca-Cola? Sure. Do you, I mean, do you sell Coca-Cola? That's how we have, but we have a Car-Ca-Carler. Car-Ca-Carler. So come on over. It's just as cold. Car-Ca-Carler.

There's no fizz to it. And it's thicker. Okay. I don't think the cold part of it. Like your urine. Yeah. It sounds like pee. Yeah.

It smells like it too. The cold part of it isn't what I'm looking for at a Coca-Cola. I mean, I can chill it or whatever I need to do with it. What are you looking for in a Coca-Cola? I'm looking for the fizz. I'm looking for the flavor. I'm looking for the sugar, the taste. I'm looking for the can.

You like it for the can. What do you like about it? You know, a good sturdy can that you can squeeze and it makes a crinkle sound. Yeah. That's worth it. You put that in your mouth and you bite it hard. Does your master not get, not that he's your master necessarily, but your ex-husband, he doesn't give you a lot of toys or?

No, not really. Really? Yeah. That's gotta be frustrating. It's a little bit. I've gone through all his shoes, all his Armani. Really? All his dickies.

I've bitten them all to shreds. He's wearing a lot of dickies as well. Dickies are a thing under fancy suits. Really? 2022, Scott. People are wearing Armani suits and Argyle dickies. It's the look of the summer. It's too hot for a shirt.

Yeah. You stay cool underneath, nips down. You are naked. Did you know every can is worth five cents? I didn't. I guess I didn't know that. Yeah. Wow.

Great. Thanks. Cool. That's just a business advice. Yes. Not our cans. No, how much are your cans? Our cans are 40% paper, so they're going to be worth about three and a half cents.

What's the other 60%? There's 60%, there's aluminum, and then there's also, do you know what the coating of a tic-tac is? No, I guess a candy. That's part of our can. Oh, really? A clear coat. Yeah, it's a clear coat.

Interesting. So how do you get the paper in there? Is that mixed in with? Just the same way you get to Carnegie Hall. Practice, practice, practice. That's right. Very good. Oh, my gosh.

So is this a successful business, Ernie? Oh, hold on. Ernie, I really beg your pardon, but we've been getting calls all throughout this show. Hello. Hello. Hey, this is Mick Call. Hey, Mick. I have a number that says at this point, but I've called a few times.

Love the show. Yeah. How's it going, man? Things are going pretty well. I want to introduce you to someone. This is a new guest we have on Ernie Shrempf. Oh, hey. Uh, Mick Call, how are you doing?

Oh, this sounds like quite the gentleman. I'm telling you right now. I'm loving the podcast at this point. You like Ernie here? I love Ernie. Ernie, what do you think about that? I like Mick Hall. He sounds like a pretty great guy.

Oh, great. Hey, hey, tell him I'm with you. Dom Deleuze. Oh, that's right. Dom Deleuze. That's why I was going. Dom Deleuze. Oh, my God.

That one's for Lonnie Anderson. Oh, my God, Dom. I'm a big fan. I know. I know. I was dead, but I wasn't. Yeah. It's so great to...

I'm going to be slapped by you later, right? Oh, yeah. We're coming over tomorrow. Uh-huh. I've been putting my hand in the freezer for hours. Make the blood real hard. Freezer? Oh, no.

I don't know whether I want to go anymore with a freezer hand. Don wanted to call because he's a big fan of Ethel because Ethel has also kind of faked her death, so he feels like he relates to the stoppage. Oh, yeah, Ethel. Talk to Dom for a minute. Oh, my God. It's Dom. It's so good to hear another person who's been doing the same thing as me.

Hey, also, I was an actor in the 60s, 70s, so I'm mixed with all types of animals if you know what I mean. Oh, my God. Is that what used to happen in the old Hollywood? Sounds like a bestiality. You've seen, uh, you read Hollywood Babylon. A lot of things happened back in the day, back in my day. Wow.

Okay. A lot of bestiality back in Hollywood. That's not what we call it. What'd you call it? Beastie Funties. Beastie Funties. Well, it's been nice talking to you, Dom. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, love you, Mick. Love you. Well, it's always great to hear from Mick. He sounds like a big fan of yours. Oh, yeah, I'm a big fan of his, Dom. And Dom is a huge fan of yours, Ethel. Well, that just makes me feel good. Yeah.

Amazing. So, uh, all right. So, uh, we, uh, you go down to Paramount. Go down to Paramount. Okay. So, wait, before then you take the 101 to Van Ness. Take the 101 to Van Ness, hit Paramount. Hit Paramount.

And then go back to the 101. And then go back to the one and then head south for four hours of 40 minutes or so. And then you'll be right there. And this is with traffic, I would imagine, because it doesn't even take that long to, it's like. This is a considerable traffic. You're leaving at drive time. You're leaving around 5 p.m.

No, you have to leave at 10, 10 for a rush hour. You leave in earlier. You're a fool. Because the best discounts happen around midnight. Oh really? Wait, what are your hours at the place? Uh, we open at 8 and we close at 4 a.m. 4 a.m.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. So, around midnight is when the real deals start in. All right. I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna have to leave around rush hour. Well, this is great. Yeah.

Ernie, great to have you. Uh, we're running out of time though. We only have time for one final feature on the show. And that is, of course, a little something called plugs. Oh, yeah. Dead skin grits. Get your 15 minutes in. Cuz the sand man coming.

Don't know if you heard, but traded the funny in. Serious money. Okay. Here we go. All right. That was Dads and Grads. Oh, this is the month for them. By Weetay.

Weetay. Thank you so much to Weetay. Guys, what do we want to plug? Uh, let's head over to, uh, Fishy over here. Fishy, what, uh, what, uh, what's your plug in, huh? Well, you guys are still on the radio. I've been listening to lots of other radio programs. I've been listening to a lot of radio programs.

I've been listening to a lot of radio programs. I've been listening to a lot of radio programs. I've been listening to a lot of radio programs. I've been listening to a lot of radio programs. Fishy, what, uh, what's your plug in, huh? Well, you guys are still on the radio. I've been listening to lots of other radio programs. Really?

I've been listening to the man dog pod. Okay. Also an improv radio program. And I've been listening to those big ground day guys. Yeah. Don't they have a, uh, they have like an animated thing or something? Yeah. They got a new special out called live on set where they did a bunch of like live improv

on stage. Oh, that's what it was. Did they send that to me and I never watched it? I don't know. Yeah. I think so. I think so. But hey, they don't.

Hey, I was in Italy for a while. Hey, Italy sucks. It doesn't translate. Yeah. Italy sucks. A little inside joke from before the show. And, uh, so that's a big grand day. A big grand day website.com.

Website.com. That's where people can get it. All right. Fantastic. Ethel, what do you want to plug here? Well, you know my book, doggie dog. Dog eats dog or doggie dog? No, E, it's for my name.

Oh, God. It's doggie dog world. I am E a dog. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Also, you can look up Ms. Monica Smith and all the interweb things, you know. Okay. What does she do on there?

Well, she's doing a lot of work and she's got some stuff coming out soon. Okay. Yeah. So I can take a look, some shows. All right. Fantastic. Ms. Monica Smith. All right.

And Ernie, what do you want to plug here? Well, first off, you want to head over south of the border and get over to Ernie's Discount Pharmacy Hut. You'll find all the views. Leave it, leave it, Russia. Leave it, Russia. Because it's not even open till 8 p.m. That's right.

Make sure you take it. You don't want to waste a day in Tijuana. You don't want to waste a day. Make sure you're low on gas before you head out so you have to make a couple stops on the way for some gas. Great. So you're not filling up the tank the first time you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You should be a less than a quarter tank before you head out and hit the road. And then when you fill up, only a quarter tank. Then only a quarter tank at the time. You're just only enough to get you to the next stop. And then also check out the new movie, Paulie Go. You can rent it on Amazon. What is that? Paulie Go?

Paulie Go. A little bit of a coming of age story. Who's coming of age in this? Paulie. And yeah. That's what, if I go see a movie called Paulie Go, I want to see Paulie come of age. That's right. And you're going to see it in this film.

Wow. And then you can check out Dave Tooney on the old Instagram. And hey, if you want to check out an old episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine for about six seasons ago, check that out. Six seasons ago. How many did they do? Seven? Yeah, somewhere around there.

Hey, you can check out one where my wife and Eugene Cordero and I play hackers as well. I checked that episode out first and then check out the one where a guy has a bunch of cats. It's iconic. It's iconic. Oh, cats. Do you hate cats? Oh.

I saw Ethel over here. Her ears went up. My human ears kind of perk up now. Yeah. How are you able to do that? That was incredible. Yeah. That's what some humans can do.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. You should try. I mean, you should try it if you can't. Okay. Interesting. Well, I want to plug.

Look, head over to CBBworld.com, of course, and we got some great shows over there. We have You Can't Handle the Sleuths and Hey, Randy and This Book Changed My Life. Some great CBB presents over there. I believe Big Chunky Bubbles just did a show over there. We also have Scott Hasn't Seen. We've been seeing some good movies, Paris Is Burning recently, which is really good. And also, I got to say, we're going on tour all of August. I have taken my entire August off, and I'm going out there to see you.

We're going to Minneapolis, Madison, Chicago, St. Louis, San Antonio, Austin, Houston, San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Vancouver, Seattle, Los Angeles. Oh, the Los Angeles Show, by the way. We have three opening shows that it's going to be a really special show. I might announce who they are later, or maybe you just show up and see what they are, but they're really good. Well, then we're going to Atlanta, Charlotte, Washington, D.C., Brooklyn, Boston, Providence, Rhode Island.

We're hitting both of the Providence. Oh, no, Portland, Maine. That's what I'm talking about. We're hitting both of the Portland. Cleveland, Ohio, Detroit, and Toronto. We're wrapping it up in Toronto at Massey Hall. Tickets are all on sale over at CBBworld.com slash tour, and a lot of these are going to sell out, if not most of them, if not all of them, so buy your tickets while you can.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Take one hand, put it up, take the other, put it down, you're going to make a box, it's time to start to close it, but don't close it too much, or you'll open up the plug bag. We're opening up that plug bag, and when you open up that plug bag, you open up your heart for the rest of the world, I'm talking, open up the plug bag, open up the plug bag, open up the plug bag, as hard as you can, open up your heart, I'm talking, open up the plug bag, open up the plug bag, open up the plug bag, open up the plug bag, as hard as you can, open up the plug, open up the plug, open up the plug.

Wow, that was Viva LaSuit Chat by actually Simpson. Wow, impressive. A little long, baby. I thought it was a little short. You thought it was short. Just a surprise. What are songs usually, I mean, you're right, compared to other songs that are on the radio, it was short.

Yeah, I thought that was the bridge. I thought it was Chris Martin. You thought, oh really? Who's Chris Martin? So you know who Chris Martin is. Well, I guess Coldplay was around before he became a dog. Coldplay was around seven years ago. You're going to be a dog for much longer, or I mean?

You know, I'm supposed to have dad already. Yeah, because let's see, your dog was four and now seven years later, you weren't supposed to have dad. Dogs can live to be 20. You haven't maybe another dog. You haven't had a dog live that long. Well, I'll say this, the carcass seems dead and stinks. Yeah.

So it doesn't. Matt, you can live that. What do you say? I could always get a new one, though. Yeah, you could. I mean, you could become a new dog and then just show up in the doggy door. Yeah, I could maybe get long hair, a longer tail, you know. I could be a male body.

Are those the, oh really? You'd want a male body. Well, I keep my human titties underneath, but then I would add. Sure, I'm not, yeah. Yeah, I'm not changing my body. I figured the titties wouldn't. Yeah. You wouldn't cut off.

Oh, hold on. You're getting a call. Hello. Hello. Nicole here again. I'm sorry. We said titties. Okay, thank you.

I beg your pardon. I, but we've said a lot of other words like fucking shit. I don't think I want to shop here anymore if this is what you're going to do. No. Laurie, Laurie, please. I'm sorry. We said titties, Laurie. They're gonna go.

Oh, look, I'm sorry, Meg. Titties is the one word that you can, I mean. It's the big one. Yeah. Big one. Just one. I'm sorry, Mick. I'm sorry.

Look, wait. Are we still going to see you tomorrow, though? Still see you tomorrow at 10.30 a.m. Did Dom leave? Nope, he's still here. Hey, snap, snap. Hey, you're country. I'm never leaving.

Hey, you're never. Well, I hope you will tomorrow because we're going to your place. Oh, sorry, but I'm not leaving. You'll leave my house. Slap it in, snap, snap. Okay. All right. Well, great to talk to you.

Love you. Love you. All right. There's one piece of business. Fishy. But what do you got? Because the term is expiring. If it doesn't happen by the end of the show.

All right. I want the carpet. I want the table. I want the toilet. And I want your microphone. For. Well, you give me an exchange. This is a deal.

This isn't just free. Of course. Okay. Like McCall said, beef's gone. Beef's gone. The pork's gone. I'm pretty sure the buffalo's gone. Yeah.

At this point, this point, bison. At this point, I'm just paid $250 to go hang out with Don DeLauce. It's not a bad deal. It's not bad. I would probably do it. I will give you a million dollars worth of what I assume at this point is like grubs or something over McCall's over McCall's. Yeah.

For what? For the toilet, the carpet, the table and your microphone. You already have the toilet. All right. Well, then take out the toilet. I want the fridge. You want the fridge? Yep.

Which one? The mini fridge or the maxi fridge? The maxi fridge. Of course. Why did I ask? Or you could just say no to the grubs. That's fine. I can say no to the deal?

I hope not. I thought you said I had to do the deal. Yeah. You have to. Take the maxi fridge here. Come on down to Ernie's for a mini fridge. All right. We got a ton of mini fridges here.

That's not a deal that I... Okay. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. You're on. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. You can dance. That's the electric slide? I think. Okay. Then you can't dance.

The electric slide is when you're on your back spinning around the circle. No. Who does it? That's like the Homer Simpson. You get up and shock somebody. You get up and shock somebody? Yeah. Oh, from the static electricity?

That's right. Oh. So I was top. What do you call that? The shocker? Oh, no. That's something else. I call it the electric slide.

Okay. All right. Deal. I'll see you tomorrow. Hey, and Ethel, do you want to come along? We can always use a dog over there. Oh, wow. Now you're on your belly.

I got so excited. Now you're showing us your titties. Oh, hello. Hello. I'm sorry. I said it again. Okay. You got gracious.

Okay. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Love you. Bye.