Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Sarah Silverman, Suzi Barrett, Shaun Diston

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Comedian and old friend of the show Sarah Silverman joins Scott to talk about her new HBO stand-up special “Someone You Love,” her musical The Bedwetter, and musicals she did in high school. Then, Destiny stops by to talk about being a student of The Institute. Plus, Scott’s old cat Crenshaw drops by to talk about being on tour with the band 311.

🎵 When Jack Bauer comes to your garage sale, look out because it's Finder's keyfers, losers weepers. One man's trash is the Sutherland's treasure. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Coleslaw McGraw for that catchphrase of mission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week, Memorial Day edition. My name is Scott Ackerman, and I am glad to be spending the holiday with you, and I'm glad to be spending the holiday

with all of our guests. Coming up a little later, we have a student. That's exciting, a student. I want a student of what I wonder. We'll find out a little bit later, but before that, let's get to our first cast. She is a student of life, a student of comedy. She's a student of playwriting, which she

Definitely did with her broad, not broad broadway show, the bed wetter, which I saw last year. And now she has an incredible stand-up comedy special called Someone You Love. It's out there on Max, formerly known as HBO Max. Currently out right now, someone you love. Her name is Sarah Silverman. Welcome back to the show, Sarah. Hi, Scott, Ocarman. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Let's up? This is how low my voice can go. Oh, hey, we got a little, I got a text, forgot to put her on Do Not Disturb. Brush League. Texts are the fifth character of comedy, but no, I'm sorry, series now become the fifth character and text are the six character.

Oh, don't worry, we're on Do Not Disturb. So your voice goes as low as that. It goes there. That was pretty low. That's not bad. I think my voice goes down. Nope, can't get any lower. I think my voice goes there. No.

No. Did you ever do choir in school like or play? Yeah, I was like the baritone. weren't you on stage with the person from Imperial? Little Schwartz? Yeah, from Imperial team. Yes, there's Imperial drag as well. I always get them mixed up.

But doing, doing music man, right? No, you just knew him. Will is a very good friend of mine. He was like the first kid I met in New York. Oh, okay. And get right on that mic if you don't mind. Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah, it's beautiful.

So we've been friends forever and he was in that band. He did, I was in a music video for one of his solo albums, but anyway, okay, he went to high school at Beverly Hills High. Okay. And he went with Monica Lewinsky. Oh, that's right. Yes.

And the video you showed me is him dancing with her, right? It was so at one point, he was like a musical theater kid. And then like after college, he was like rock star, you know, I mean, like he was like, you know, did not want to remember that side of him. He was like, I do, you know, I'm in a rock band now. I'm, you know, and right then, I think it was 1996 or 1990, 1998, whatever, it was the Clinton Monok Lewinsky scandal. Every single channel at

24 hours a day, seven days a week was a clip of her in high school singing Shippupi and dancing with Will. Yes, right. That's right. Very funny. And I now that I'm recalling the story, I may have gone to see them at the troubadour and shouted Shippupi and he smiled and went. He's the best. He's so funny and such an awesome human being. But you were you were in musicals your own self. Yeah, yeah. Which ones did you were in musicals your own self. Yeah, yeah, which ones did you do? This is the part. See, Sarah, when you go on other shows, they don't care about this kind of stuff. No, no, they don't ask you about what musicals you did in high school. This is comedy bang bang. We want to know.

Well, I'll tell you, I was the artful Dodger in Oliver and seventh grade. And then is that the one where it's who will buy? No. That is the play, but that's not my song. What was your song again? I remember. Considious self at home. How was your English accent? Probably phenomenal for bed for New Hampshire, but not good terrible.

So a cross between those vowel choices and New Hampshire vowel choices. Yeah. Well, actually not that unsimilar. Could you try that right now? Cone City, a South at Oome. Could you do it with more of the New Hampshire? Cone City, yes, self. How did the furniture?

There is in a lot to spare. Who cares? What ever you got will share. When you did the bed wetter, which I saw off Broadway, fantastic musical. Thank you. Did you, were you like the dialect coach for all the kids? No, no, the kids, were you like the dialect coach for all the kids? No, no, the kids, they don't really have accents. The teacher, Mrs. Dembo has an accent, Donald has an accent and Nana has an accent. Right. Okay. So you didn't, but they, they took care,

adults can take care of accents on their own. We have a dialect coach. Oh, you did. Yeah. But also I would writeatically I would write out things phonetically right for the the woman who played the teacher like I would do right right that it was a fan it's based on your do you call it not a biography or is it a memoir I don't it was supposed to be a collection of

exes but it became a memoir but it's it's just one slice of it it's just the year I'm 10. Right, yes. So the early chapter or chapter as we call them the biz, I just wrote a book myself. So I learned that they call these things chaps. Yeah, yeah, we call them chaps, right? Yes, chaps.

So the early chapter became a full-blown musical that I saw on stage with actors and everything and singing and everything. Yeah. What is happening with it? It was out there. I saw it last year, perhaps in April of 2022. What is going on with it?

Is there any update? Are you continuing? Can people perform this in their own high schools? What is happening? Eventually. Yeah. I think we are, you know, a lot of people don't say this out loud because they don't want to jinx it,

but we're, so we, it looks like we're going to Broadway in the winter. Well, well, well, get your winter coats out, Broadway fans. Yeah. And, you mentioned how I did jinx it. It's interesting that on the jinx, that guy got in trouble because he said all that stuff out loud. Oh, that's a revelation.

He'll be more. He killed him all. He literally juxtamized himself. Is that why it's called the J. It might be. Wait, why was it called the J. Oh, it's yeah, I didn't watch it. That guy used to live in my building.

I know. He was like upstairs for me or something. Was he directly above you? I don't know. He wasn't there when I was there, but he owned an apartment and then sold it. But he did, you know, you did haunt the whole.

Yes, in your account. Robert Durst, right? Durst. Durst. Durst. Remember Will Durst on who wants to be a millionaire? Oh, no, what did he, did he? He was a, he was a phone a friend

and gave the wrong answer. It's a someone going for the million dollars. Oh, oh my God. Oh yeah, he was a kind, he was like a political guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anytime I hear Dursd, I think of that because his friend said, I'm gonna phone a friend, I'm gonna phone my friend, Will Dursd.

So it was like, bring, bring, and he picked up the phone went DURST! And what do you remember the question was? Yeah I do. It doesn't matter if that's the question was I don't know if I know it. Martin Scorsese directed which Michael Jackson video? Oh um bad. Yes But Will Durst said thriller. Oh my god. Oh my god. All landis. Yeah, I know. And then he wrote an article about fucking up in the TV guide, which I thought was a classy, a classy way to apologize to the television audience. Was that was it a celebrity who was? No, it was some Randall guy, or at least I didn't know who they were, but they happened to be friends with. It wasn't like I guess, oh, interesting. It wasn't what?

It wasn't like a celebrity. No, it wasn't one of the celebrity. No, it wasn't. When are you gonna do celebrity billionaire? Or are you too dumb? I'm too dumb. I was asked to do that Jeopardy one, no way, no way. You were asked to do Jeopardy and you passed on it?

Yes. You know who directed the Michael Jackson bad video? I do know and I play at home on my Alexa, but and I'm pretty good. You're good at it. No, I'm, I'm, is it in the moment? Do you think yes? And it's funny because we're comics

and we do work in the moment. But I am. We've had the celebrity jeopardy champion on this show. Ike Baronhold's current celebrity jeopardy champion. He won the whole thing this year. He did? Yeah. I Oh my god, that's amazing. Yeah, so if he can do it, you could do it. He yeah, no, I don't need to go on and be so all the Reggie was amazing. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Reggie Watt.

It's a full fill. Tell a refill. By the way, Reggie, you were great on said that in tape a little bit of Phil. Tell a little bit. By the way, Reggie, you were great on that. Thanks for doing the theme song this week, but I know you have to go. Bye. He's waving at you. I think you could do it, especially if they have, like, what are your categories that you think you would excel in?

You know, like the arts television. Well, that's the thing about celebrity jeopardy is they weigh it all towards, like, stuff that we would know, you know, like it's basically stupid person jeopardy. But the star power makes up for it. Yeah, I don't know. I just, I don't, I have no need inside me. Here's the problem with it is you have to give all the money to charity. Like if you could actually win money, would you do it?

Oh, of course. No, of course, everything. I was like, Lauren Lapkiss won. I think it was, it was either 250,000 or 500,000 on celebrity millionaire. And she's like, I could use that. Yeah. We got to give it away to charity. That's the lap just fund.

Yes, exactly. Sarah, you have this special. You're one of our oldest and greatest celebrity friends on this show. You've been on for now 14 years, I believe. You were on in our first year and you've come back periodically. Wow.

Ever since and we usually talk to you about whatever's going on currently in your life. And currently, artistically, you have a special out was just on HBO a couple of days ago. And it's now on the max streaming. By the way, it's Max who? Who's? It's just Max, baby. Just Max. Max. It's just Max, baby. Just Max. Max.

It's, yeah, I know. I was thinking this and I read something the other day that someone, I wish I could give credit to somebody. Oh, no, no, I know who it was. OK. Gavin Purcell tweeted and I saw it. Exactly what I was thinking, which is, why would HBO, which is such a huge top-notch brand,

change HBO Max to Max, and then he said something like, because they're so associated with the left wing that maybe they want to rebrand, you know, and woo kind of. It's definitely is a rich brand, you know, where it's like growing up for me, it was like if you had HBO, it was like, wow, you can afford $3 a month. Yeah.

We just, I just watched that old ad, Roy, and he pulled it up, but they're like, where you fly over the neighborhood. Yeah, they're plucking down, plucking down. Yeah. Oh, no butter down butter down. Oh, no, wait, what song am I singing? It is. It is.

Oh, that's an NFL. Oh, yeah, you're right. Shit. What's the HBO song? Butter, butter, butter, butter, butter. Butter, butter, butter, butter, butter. Butter, butter, butter, butter, butter. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? 20 bucks? I mean, yeah, that was a lot back then It was like 80 bucks back then that could get you two years of HBO

Exactly, yeah, but not now because HBO currently If you're on the max streaming service runs you probably 17 18 25 35 50 $60 a month. And you can see Sarah's new special on it. Someone you love, tell me about the special, what's going on? What is this?

Stand up special, I owed HBO. But, you know, I, What are they, KU in advance? And then they said you had to do this thing? Well, yeah, I did a pilot for them right before the, the, the big sickness thing, What was it called? P. Oh, pandemic. Right. And I have dementia. I really am afraid I have dementia.

And I mean, I was half kidding, but I think that I have to mention. I really do have dementia, which I think is a good title for something. Definitely. I don't know what we were talking about. Oh, yes. So, oh, oh, I, um, did this pilot. It did not go, but part of that deal was a special. Yeah. And they're so cool. They're like, you know, in your own time, but then the pandemic happened and then we slowly came back. And then I'm just like, did you ever hope that maybe I'd forget about it? And I like, did we pay Sarah for that? Oh, who knows? It was pre-pandemic.

No, no, they didn't pay, they only paid a little bit of it. Okay. But then they were like, it's time, you know? So I kind of like did as much material as I had that was still like relevant and not stuff I needed to just throw away because it was no longer. And I had 37 minutes and then I went out on the road and then the end of that road of the tour, I recorded this special. Okay, so you fleshed it out for another 23 minutes,

then, or is it still currently 37? No, no, it's a no. So how'd you get the other 23? What happened on the road? I wrote and worked and scrambled and figured it out and it wasn't that hard. Was it all about like, I've just never done it that way before,

but it was kind of cool. What did you find the topics ended up being that you were writing while you were actually on tour? Because you know how like, bands, they'll get really famous for their first record, and then their second record is all about being on the road, because that's all the only thing that, like, did you, were there any topics that you're like,

that you kind of were like, oh wow, I'm writing this because I'm on the road, or were you thinking about your actual life pre-tour? No, some stuff was just like weird and random. I, there was, there's a whole bit I dreamed and then woke up and wrote down, what just never happened before. It's so fucking stupid.

I dreamed by the way, I dreamed the other day that Tim Calpacus was mad at me. That was the bit. That was your bit. Oh my God. He's out there getting into people's dreams like Freddie. I don't even know what that would, it would look like for Tim Calpacus to be angry.

It was so weird, but he was angry and disappointed at me. And I was like, I let him down. Oh no. I don't care. But so a whole thing about what you dreamed and then where you was not like about a dream. I mean, it's just I dreamed of the building like the whole.

Yeah. And then were there were you expanding the bits that you already had as well? Yeah. Yeah. And cutting stuff and like hoping that I could cut some stuff, you know, because you know, like that was weaker. Right. Listen, that I could cut some stuff, you know, because, you know, like that was weaker.

Right. Listen, if I could have had a few more months, I would have taken it, but I'll hone forever. So I like, it's good for me to have a... I think it would be great to have a stand-up special where like you come out and you do like 12 minutes and go, that's like the good stuff. Now the rest of the hour is like middling material if you want to stay and watch it. No! You know, it is a, I like it and I have it like bookended with a song at the

end and a thing in the beginning that I wrote like two days before we shot it. That is, you know, I like. It seems like that would be hard on production. No, it was very ragged tag. We just shot it like, you know, I like. It seems like that would be hard on production. No, it was very ragged tag. We just shot it like, you know, it'd be at backstage and like very fast. Where, what city did you shoot this in? Boston.

There you go. Your home. Hey guys. All your people were there. Yeah, it was, I didn't really think about that. I had so many friends, you know, from growing up and stuff that came. Nice.

Did you do any Boston specific material? I did some Boston specific material. Oh, about the chowders. About how we'd placed me at the queer, and we didn't even think anything about it. I didn't see him problematic at all. I feel like I've talked about this on my other show, Freedom, but I always assumed growing up

that it was, that that meant the odd person. You know what I mean? Like the, the weirdo. You know what I mean? Like how something. Oh, that's queer. Yeah, that's it. Oh, that's like the queer you grew up with.

Yes, that's what I thought it was. And then so then very late in life, people were like, well, that's an offensive name. And Yes, that's what I thought it was. And then, so then, very late in life, people were like, well, that's an offensive name. And it suddenly hit me like a thunderbolt of like, oh, yeah, why did I think that it was just like this curious person that we're going to smear? Yeah, right.

Well, this is great. Someone you love is out there right now. People can access it via their logins to the max platform. You're making it, I feel like more complicated than it is. So if you've saved your password, sometimes you could do that on your phone. It'll say, do you wanna save your password for this device?

That's an easy way to get in there. Or if you lost your phone, you maybe use someone's laptop to find my phone and then once you find it, you can look up what your password is in your contact. Hopefully you didn't leave it in some sort of an Uber or whatever, because then it's like moving. Have you ever done that left your phone in an Uber? No.

I did it once. I used to find my phone. It was traveling all around New York City everywhere. Oh wow. And then I contacted the driver and they came to my hotel and gave me the phone. And I said, and I did the total Frank Sinatra. I had some money in my hand. I said, hey, thank you very much.

You shook his hand and there was 150 bucks in it. And thank you. You gave them 150 bucks. Yeah, thank you for not, you know, just blowing this off or selling my phone or whatever. There's 150 good. Now bear in mind, this was 35 years ago. Yeah. Wow, thanks, Mr.

It was a prototype. Well, someone you love is out there now. Look, I've watched every one of your specials and they're all worthwhile and they're all the best. The best you can do. When I say the best you can do, and the best any standup can do, not the best you can do.

Oh, it's so hot. You're the best in the biz. No. One of the great standups, living or dead, I would say. Oh, yeah, really? Yeah. I would say I'm probably the greatest standup of the dead stand-up.

I am. I have an opinion that most people in the world can only name five stand-up comics, and you're one of them. What do you think? I think so, yeah, because I started thinking about this because I was on some CNBC show doing press and the host of it during the break said, hey, I'm going to ask you a question about what stand-up comedians are like up and coming that you know that our audience wouldn't know. You probably want to name someone like Amy Schumer or something.

And I was like, everyone knows who Amy Schumer is. And she's one of the five. Yeah, she's one of the five. I feel like it's you Chris Rock, Amy Schumer. Who else? I mean, Dave Chappelle, John Mulaney. I don't think anyone in the world can, I mean, of course, we all love John, but I don't think like every single person would put him in their five. You know what I mean? I think maybe Louis CK is in there. I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know. But I think you're definitely on Mount Standup more. You are one of the five people who are there and God love you for being there and God love you for continuing to put out these wonderful specials. Sarah Silver in this year. Oh, it's only my fourth special.

But still, I mean, that's like four hours, that's longer than the Godfather part two. That's only three and a half hours. Yeah, thanks. So it's better. People really pump out specials, and I just, I never think about doing a special. I never, ever think about it until somebody,

if you had to, a place says, well, you do a special matter. If pressed, if someone, if say there was some weird guy, and I'm saying man, because most perpetrators of this type of violence are male, but some weird guy like held a gun to your head was like, Sarah, you have to do a special in a month. Do you think you could get it? Has this experience of writing on the road led you to think like, oh wow, I could like throw one of these together in a shorter period of time?

100%. Love it. I'm gonna do that then. No, I just, let me get my gun. Yeah, I'm not, I'm, I'm fucking lazy. Oh. I mean, I just, I feel like, I feel like, yeah, that's just so much effort, but I want to do it.

I should, I should. We want Sarah to be like Prince coming out with not only, you know, an album every year, but three albums a year. We want three specials a year from you. Well, can you do it? Can you still call that special? That's right. You can this would be great. The Sarah Silverman ordinary.

Yeah. It's just like what she does. Right. Just poop stuff out. Well, you definitely have pooped out someone you love. People can watch it right now on the max. We need to take a break when we come back. We have a student here.

That's pretty exciting. Oh, yeah, I love students. Yeah, you were in school for a little while, right? We mentioned that earlier. You play that game with the offensive title there. Oh, yes. Yeah. So there will be a lot to relate to.

I went to grade school and high school. Yeah. So did I. Amazing. So crazy. So insane. We're going to be talking to a student when we come back. We have more Sarah Silverman, more comedy bang bang.

We'll be right back after this. Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAM someone to love, which is a queen song. Oh, fuck. I don't think you're gonna get sued. Somebody to love. Somebody to, that's right. Someone you love. What is, what is, I mean, I try not to ask about the titles because I know you're gonna get asked this for every other show you do because that's when people interview stand-up comedians who have a special at this,

the only question that they, because you're not gonna say, hey, tell us all your jokes. So that's the only question they ask. So I try not to ask it, but go ahead, tell us what the title means. It's just references a joke in it. And not particularly strong joke in that.

Why did you center on that? Why did you comb through a transcript of your special looking for three words that sort of fit the mood? Or I looked at my set list. Oh, and that's the title of one of your jokes? Yeah. I love it. Yeah.

I almost called it my struggle. But I just thought that was just a little bit too obnoxious even for me. Even for you. It was because, you know, mind confidence, my struggle. And then I just thought when it gets translated into German, some people who would buy it would be in for like a really big Humph, it's my struggle and then I just thought when it gets translated into German, some people who would buy it would be in for like a really big surprise and it would be worth

it. All right, well let's get to our next guest. They're a student and this is exciting to me. I don't know a student of what, but please welcome to the show for the first time, Destiny. Hi Scott. Hey, how are you? This is Sarah. Hi Destiny. Hi Destiny. Nice to meet you. Yeah, very nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you. how are you? This is Sarah. Hi, Destiny.

Hi, Destiny. Hi, nice to meet you. Yeah, very nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you. Where are you from, Destiny? From Gary Indiana. Gary Indiana. Oh, speaking of Music Man.

There's a song called Gary Indiana in that. Yeah, we're talking about Gary. Oh, yeah, Shippupi. Yes. How do you not know there's a song? You know, I am missing a lot of my memories from before I was a student. And that is intentional. Well, the missing the memories is intentional?

Yes, it's part of the program. It's in order to make more space for what I want to learn going forward. Oh, wait. This is OK. I didn't know that technology is it. What are you as student of? Maybe we should just back up and go macro.

It's macro. We can maximize. I am a student of everything. Oh, mostly. Let's narrow it down a little bit. Okay, everything minus one. Everything except for what I knew before I was a student. I attend something called the Institute. The Olients. It's a program that was founded in Gary, Indiana by the founder Ken Gribble. And what he has. I've heard of Ken Gribble, Sarah.

Have you heard of Ken Gribble? From the Gribble Institute. Oh, is it the Gribble Institute or just the Institute? Now it's the Institute, but yes, it was called the Gribble Institute. It formally was the Gribble Institute. Yeah, okay. So you go to the Institute formerly known as the Gribble Institute. Okay.

And before that, the Gribble Institute. Oh, really? So, if his name was Gribble, why did he start off calling it the Gribble Institute? It was a basketball school originally. They did teach that there as part of their expansive physical program. It's interesting. You don't hear about people teaching basketball necessarily. It's like they have teams.

But they really do. They couldn't afford a gym. So it was all classroom. You learned about how to play basketball in books. Okay. And you had to do worksheets. It was called the dribble institute. It was a portmanteau of dreams

and his name, Grim, he wanted to dream bigger. But he got sued by the NBA. Because people were, how long ago is this? This was the 70s. So was the ABA still out there? The American Basketball Association?

They had the red, what, right and blue ball, right? Didn't they? Yes, they're asking me. So I love that red one. They encouraged the NBA to sue him because they knew it would tie them up in court for a while and they were planning to take over all the basketball. And now they have the most orange ball in sports.

Can we agree on that? I think so. It's definitely orngeier than a football. Football, I would say, rusty red at best, right? I would say it's like Teddy Bear Brown. Teddy Bear Brown, huh? I mean, maybe if you went to a Dutch national game, their soccer ball would be orange for the home team.

Oh, really? I know someone who lived out there for a while. Huh. Huh. Anyway. It weird stuff. Anyway, so you go to the institute. The institute.

And what do you study while you're there? So I'm trying to learn how to eliminate my pattern of causing bad things to happen in my life and maximize my potential. So, you know, we do the standard meditation, yoga, reading class, dismantling your family. We're back up really briefly reading. Reading what? All the classics, we read all of Ken's books and then all of the books written by the admirals in our program.

And oh, there was something you said afterwards dismantling your family? Yes. Yes. What exactly do you mean by that? Well, after lunch, we go into a classroom and from 12.30 pm until the end of the school day, which can be anywhere from 5 pm to midnight, depending on whether you absorb the lesson or not, we learn to eliminate our contact with our family and why that's important. Oh, okay. Meaning when you say eliminate contact, you're not eliminating your actual family members. You're just, you're not contacting them any longer? Why, why, why is that important?

Definitely not contacting the, you know, human technology or anything, but also dismantling our awareness of them. So not able to contact them, even by having dreams about them or thoughts or memories or. What do you think of a guy who dreams about one of his friends being mad at them? Oh my gosh. I was taking everything in me not to pipe in there. I was like, this is a side you would need to be in the institute. Maybe that's why he was mad at you.

I don't know. I do have some literature I could give you or but basically your dreams are the key to your future awareness. That is the gateway that you are being encouraged to watch. So what are the basic tenets of your, of this, I guess it sounds like a philosophy, right, Sarah? Well, I mean, you can't call it a cult because cults don't know their cults. Right. So I guess it's an institute. It's an institute.

Yeah, you seem to know you're in a cult. Oh, God. No. Yeah. That's how I know. Oh, okay.. Yeah, that would never call it a soul. Oh, okay. I see. So what are the basic tenants of all this?

What are what's the belief system? Well, the belief system is that Ken, because he is ultra-tron, is does know more than us. And so everything, he's sort of the gatekeeper of all of our knowledge. And we have to surrender to his all-knowing in order to advance and in order to have bad things in life stop occurring. Any bad thing that happens to me is my fault.

Okay, I think you lost me at ultra-tron. What? Can I just say I have heard of this and and one thing that they do it's interesting kind of is they they have nothing to do with landmark forum. They have nothing to do with landmark forum, but they do write the questions that the servers ask at Cafe Gratitude. Oh, really? Isn't that correct?

Yeah, that's one of our big accounts. So landmark? What is nurse shout? Yeah, the institute copyrights. The copy raiders there of the of the coveted. Yeah, what is nurturing your heart today, Scott? Wow. I forgot about those and now I'm realizing why I never go there. But the food is so good. You know, I cults make the best food. They do. Like there's that seven veils one.

Is that right? You know what I'm talking about? I know the seventh veil on sunset. Is that what you're talking about? Oh, they have delicious food. I have the accidental clam chowder there one time. It was to die. Cults make amazing vegan food.

We, just to be clear, we are, I don't think we're a cult. No, no, no, of course. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, yeah, yeah be clear, I don't think we're a cult. No, no, of course. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. No, we do have vegan chefs on site though. And yeah, but yeah, no, no, no, no, we're not a cult. So they don't, they don't drive in for their shift.

The, the vegan chefs, they're on site. They live in underground yards. Underground yards. I've seen overground yurt. You kind of want fresh to be, you know, fresh air yurt. Oh, there's hoses that explain it. Oh, that explains it. It explains it, right?

Yeah. It makes sense. So, what is ultra-tron? When you say that Gary Trouble is that? Ken. But he's from Gary. He's from Gary. I'm so sorry. That would be interesting of his name was Gary and he was from Ken. Is there a Ken. I don't think so.

Oh, but that would be interesting. Ken Trouble you say he's ultra-tron. What is what is what is exactly? Yeah, so he is basically at the top. It's like I'm at an entry level. I'm just a pyramid. No, you were just you were just doing a triangle shape for your hand. Yeah, we prefer three dimensional triangle. Yes, we are not up here. A mid. No, no, no. Three dimensional triangle. Yes, yes, it's sort of that sort of structure is the best way that I can get a human brain to sort of visualize with a lot of space at the

bottom. And well, there's more students than there are ultra-trons. There's one ultra-tron. And it's sort of like, I'm assistant vice admiral right now. But there's. Can, can, congrats or I'm sorry. Oh, that's entry level. Oh, I'm okay, sorry. Oh, but I actually see it as such a blessing because there's

so much room for me to grow. Do you know what I mean? That thing still happened to me, but I can advance. Do you ever get to be ultra-tron or is that a level that is unobtainable? It's much like unobtainium in the Avatar universe. Oh, I saw that documentary. It's a documentary. I loved it. I loved it. Yeah. There's a lot of parallels. So can talks about our bodies being sort of avatars. Like on a molecular level, we are pro-doplasmic potential energy. Right. And we have the ability to just remain that, but we are trapped in husks. Okay. I mean, I kind of agree with that on a very basic level.

You know, definitely check us out. Okay. What's your relationship to money? I like having it. I don't necessarily like giving it away. See that would change. Oh, really? That would change.

What is it the opposite for most of your compatriots? Is that the right word for? That's good. Yeah, compatriots, brethren and arms. We dropped the and sister in it. Just became, we have to pay per letter on the signs that we hang up. Yeah, and ease are really expensive. Yes. Yeah. Most common letter in the alphabet. Yep. So the targe extra. That's how they gouge you.

And then S's and T's are also in cistern. Yeah. Those are also very common. Basically wheel of fortune letters that they give you at the beginning of the final. RSTL and E. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the most expensive ones because that's how they get you.

Yeah. We blew the water on brethren and then couldn't afford the rest. But yeah. What Ken has taught us, what Ultrotron has taught us is that money is potential energy. You can use money to change politics. You can use money to eat, to feed the poor. So to keep it would be to want to cause suffering on the planet. Huh.

Interesting. What do you think of this, Sarah? Yeah. I think your money weighs you down Scott. And it's a it's a so wait, are you are you now? It's a prison. Are you? Seems like there's a change has come over you Sarah since she started talking. Are you now part of the institute? Yeah, I signed up when you guys were talking. Why is that easy? Well, yeah, that easy to get celebrities. Yeah, thank you. And it's so easy because you can just put in your bank number. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah. We make it really easy in order. You put it in in order. If you scramble it, we can still figure it out. We just need all the digits. And then we can check up. It's like a puzzle though.

Yeah, Alterachon provides. He does. And what he mostly teaches us is that We can try and handle that. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah.

It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah.

It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though, yeah. It's like a puzzle though. It's like a puzzle though can't exist without money circulating. Right. Yeah. Interesting. I don't know. This is kind of, I made just be a dumb Hollywood G or H list celebrity, but this sounds like it makes sense to me. Yeah. I don't know. What do you

think? Like, how do I get involved? Would you like to put any combination of your bank numbers on this list? And we can get in touch with you. Yeah, how many are normally in there? There's I think nine to 13 14 or so. Yeah. Oh, it's just nine to 13. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Depending on the bank, there's a seven. I know there's definitely a zero. There's actually three zeros and then another zero and then three more zeros and then three more zeros. So there. Yeah, those are my bank numbers. That's great. Yeah. All we have to do is just figure out where that seven goes. This is going to be fast. That's easier than I thought. It's almost like in the prices

right. When they're doing the safe cracking. Oh yeah. Yeah. I know I need to narrow it down when I say the prices right, because they have so many games, don't they? You just made me realize I still have a memory that needs to be wiped. Oh no, were you on the prices right? Just knowing that it existed. Just through. Through carry in general.

Knowing that it existed. Oh, okay. I'm going to have to report this to the mayor of admirals. Okay. How what? What is the technology that wipes your brains? And Sarah, are you undergoing it right now? Who's Sarah?

I'm kidding, of course we know our names. Of course, silly. Because I noticed you've been on your phone and you've been downloading some sort of an app or something like that. Is that interfacing with the institute somehow? Well, what I'm doing is I'm, yeah, I am sending them, I'm not doing the bank account thing,

I'm sending them my Venmo password and username. Oh, smart. And then they can just do it as needed. Right. And while we were talking, she sliced off one of her fingerprints and taped it into the three-ring binder here so that we can use that for phone access. You're bleeding really heavily, by the way.

I just thought, oh, I'll just slice off the fingerprint part and it would just be like meat, like flesh. Yeah. And I thought maybe I could just like, sinjid or something. But it's, yeah, it's really must be, there must be like a barterie or a... Yeah, I have a hot plate here. Do you want to put your finger on the hot plate? Just to like... That would be great, yeah. Yeah, here you go. It here. Do you want to put your finger on the hot plate? Just to like that would be great.

Yeah, here you go. It's just a husk. It's just a husk. Just remember that. It's not just your husk. This is my hand. This is just a shell. This is pain being really looks like it's painful.

But better, better, it's there's no more blood. These are just lies being told to my brain that I'm rejecting. Okay, this pain. I mean, if my brain that I'm rejecting of pain. I mean, if I'm not gonna experience pain, I could be like the world's greatest assassin. Oh. Wait.

Do you have any assassins who work at the institute? Why do assassins undergo pain? Yeah, great question. Because if you don't feel any pain, then nothing can stop you. You just just fight people and you're like, you have no pain receptors. If you're an assassin feel any pain, then nothing can stop you. You just just fight people and you're like, you have no pain receptors. You're like,

You're an ass and who feels pain, I think you're the world's worst assapter. No, you don't want to feel pain. I'm like, stopping you from doing your crime. Yeah, but also, I don't think assasins usually beat up people to death. I mean, it's definitely like face to face. It leaves a lot of, you know,

I would be the first ass and who didn't have pain receptors, who just beat people to death instead of doing like, you know, snipers and stuff like that. That's just too far away. This is not the personal touch. I want the personal touch. I just had another memory. Oh, no, no, no.

What, John Bourne? Jason Bourne. Steven Sondheim's musical assassins. Oh, wow. No one has that memory. I'm gonna have to do a lot. You're not allowed to remember musicals? No, nothing that happened before I entered the institute is supposed to be a memory and I'm gonna have to do a lot of penance for this. I mean there you could maybe get away with it by saying like

there are still you know touring productions of it maybe, maybe a high school is doing it. Great idea. Great idea. I like to find the high school that's doing assassins. We talked about it, I think in mine. It just come out though. I'll join, I'll join a high school touring production of assassins. High schools should tour with musicals. I've always said this. Yes. Like they keep them in their own theaters. Why? These are gold. Get it on the road. Do you sing, by the way, Jeremy Piven? Do you sing Jeremy Piven? No, the song Jeremyivin. I don't know the song Jeremy Pivin. It's to the tune of Happy Birthday. Oh.

Jeremy Pivin. Jeremy Pivin. Do you know who Jeremy Pivin is? No, he must have been the president a few years ago. If there's such a... You know, friend Dresher speaking at President? Oh, I'm imagining she's the person who sowed the rectangle that has symbols on it.

Don't even know the flag. What was that word? Fran Drescher. Is the president of SAG? Oh, she is. She did not know that. I did not know that. The Nanny himself.

That's so cool. Yeah, until you listen to some of the stuff she's saying. What did she say? About vaccines and stuff anyway, but really? You sounded like her The nanny is great in the movie Jack where she romances in eight year old So this is interesting. I mean this is a lot of hoops to go through. Is it worth it at the end of the day? I hope so So this is interesting. I mean, it's a lot of hoops to go through. Is it worth it at the end of the day?

I hope so. I won't know for another two to 300 years when I advance far enough to reap the benefits, but to me, I think the investment, the possibility of the reward is worth the investment. What are my other choices? Suffer all the time forever? I guess, right Sarah.

I mean, I guess your suffering is at an end. You're talking about your struggle. Your struggling is over. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty excited about this. Yeah, you're so much. You're all done with your comp. Yeah. Yeah, by the way, for your special,

did you have any comps? Yeah. For your friends, or did they pay full price? But jokes like this will no longer be part of it when I'm at the Institute. Is that good? Good. Yeah. We welcome humor, but sanctioned humor.

All of it has to come from Ken's endorsed bag of props. Oh, so he's like, Karrotop, he has like a bag of props. I don't know who that is. Was that a president? I'm allowed to know president. It's a duffel bag and there are props inside and that makes jokes, that's humor. What kinds of things are inside?

Like a really funny stuffed animal, like a buffalo and a horn. Sometimes he says he's horny, and then we all have to give him blow jobs. Oh. Well, I don't know about that. But he goes, someone's feeling horny. We go, uh, and then you all have to line up

and I'm imagining a line. I'm not gonna lie, I have a vivid picture of this. It turns into a line. We're all sort of rushing to get at him first. But then you're polite enough that everyone just forms a line. Yeah. There's that only the case for ultra-tron or can anyone who's their demand blow jobs? Oh no, it's it's only him and the 12 people below him. Oh. They below him. These are the types of jokes you are still able to do

with your needs. Yes, that's humor. Okay. Sanctuary. How do you get to be one of the 12 below him? It depends how much money you have. A lot? You would take a lot of money.

I'm cool with that. For continuous blow jumps. I'll tell him. I can give him my number. Erie. Give him your 700 million. Not my bank number. Here's my phone number.

00000007 in the 0000 area code. There you go. Okay. Great. I'll pass it on. Yeah. I can't, I'm not allowed to speak to him, but I can probably try to sneak him the signal. The signal?

What is the signal exactly? Well, I can probably try to smuggle him this message while I'm giving him a blowjob. In your, how do you smuggle in your mouth? Or how do you, yeah, your mouth or how do you? Yeah, roll it up Like when you see the spies eat the piece of paper that they're like a little fortune cookie-sized piece of paper And I could just try to slip it in and then he'll feel something later pull it out It sounds like a dime in my plan to me because I'd love to be one of these twelve maybe now thirteen

I don't know if that ruins the structural integrity of the pyramid. I think we could invoke a baker's dozen long. Okay, great. I would love that. Well, Destiny, we have to take a break, but can you stick around? Because I would love your input for the rest of the show. Sure, can you stick around? Yes, the answer is yes. Great, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more Sarah Silverman more destiny will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this Comedy bang bang we're back Sarah Silverman is with us the special is someone you love and it's out on the max platform right now and approximately 59 between 59 and 61 minutes? I don't know. It's an hour, right?

But yeah, it's probably like 59 minutes. Yeah. Do they, is there a minimum that you had to provide to them? No, they didn't, they're, they didn't really, why does anyone do the hour then? Just show up and do 20 minutes. I mean, I'm sure some are like whatever you go that's, you know, if you're short, then it's, they just have more ad space between shows.

Yeah, HBO with all their ads. Well, no, I mean, for other shows and stuff. That's right, yeah. You know, we need to know what's coming up on. I like watching all of that, because I like that everything they have on there pretty much. Are you a coming attractions type person or are you a previews?

You like to watch the previews? I love previews. I like scenes for next week. I like that stuff. Yeah. Sometimes don't think give too much away. No, I think they're designed to not give too much away. But good point.

Good point. We also have Destiny here, student at the Institute in Gary, Indiana, and you're from Gary too, which is so great that you ended up in the institute that happens to be in your hometown. Yeah, I didn't have a lot of options. Yeah, there's not a lot there, other than the song, Gary Indiana, which Ron Howard famously sang in the Music Man movie.

Hmm. So you part of the institute? Not that I know of. Doesn't sound similar in any way. He'd be a good get. Yeah, he would be. You know, I saw him at one of your parties. We should contact him. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

We'd love for you to come to the brunch at the institute just to that's a party. You should make a movie about the institute, Ron. We do so much important work here. Come on, Ron. Your name's Ron. Uh, no, we're talking about Ron. Got it. Okay. Confusing guy because he has two first names. Yeah. And one is after the other one. Huh. Yeah. Could be Howard Ron though. We have no idea.

He just chose like, oh, I'm going to put this one here. I'm going to put this one there. Yeah, he could do Howard, comma, Ron, or he could do... He could even put up comma after Ron and then Howard and confuse people. Cama could be his middle name. Or he could be like R, comma, O, comma R comma, oh, comma, and comma. Yeah.

Meow Scott. Sorry. Oh, sorry. Destiny, did you say meow? I didn't. I think Sarah. Oh, Sarah. Oh, you said funny joke.

Funny joke. Funny joke. No, it wasn't. Something just brushed on my leg. Meow Scott. Hey, Scott. Hey, it's me. Sorry. Who? Someone. Someone. me ask God, hey, Scott, hey, it's me. Sorry, who, uh, someone, someone,

Scott, look, look down. This isn't a look at my thumb, G, your dumb situation, right? No, no, no, look down, me ask God, it's me, it's me, me, me, now. Oh, I'm back, Scott, I'm back. Hey, oh, it's a cat. It's me, crinch on the cat, your old cat from 10 years ago.

Oh, yeah, crinch, I's me, Crinch on the Cat, your old cat from 10 years ago. Oh, yeah, Crinch, I remember you, Crinch on the Cat. Oh, are you, Scott? Hey, hey, hey, good to see you. Good to see you. Where, from 10 years ago, yeah, I've seen you in 10 years. Yeah, it's been a long time. Where have you been?

Oh, I've, shit, Scott. I've, I've, a lot of things have happened to be, but I, I wanted to say I'm sorry for leave it, Scott. Uh, apology not accepted. I mean, we were really upset. I, I mean, I'm sorry. We looked for you and that we assumed and presumed you were dead.

Yeah. A lot of people think when a cat escapes that they're dead, but they're out there. They're hanging. They're living their life, you know, why, know. Why did you go, was this by choice? Well, first the door was open and I said, oh, what's going on out here? Start walking around outside, start sniffing some stuff.

And then all of a sudden, I smelled this dumpster. Oh, baby. And then so I jumped over the fence. Took me a couple of weeks, but I found the dumpster. A couple of weeks to find this wasn't a nearby dumpster. No, no, no, this is dumpster near the rafts. Oh, rafts dumpster. Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

And then from there I went on tour of 311. Wow. Went on tour of 311. I followed 311 around. Great band, great band. Yeah, tour with 311. I followed 311 around. Uh, great band, great band. Yeah, peanut, the rest. Nick Hexon, peanut. Yeah, SA Martinez. Yeah, all of them.

I mean, you know the rest. Yeah. Well, you know, three of them. I know a lot. This is a good guy. I mean, how did you fall in with the 311 crew? Well, there was a tour bus. It was parked next to the dumpster near the Ralphs.

Oh, yeah, those guys liked to park near those. They love because part of their riders, they need two hours in a Ralphs and 80 bucks. Then they just do a supermarket. Whatever they wanted there, they could do a supermarket sweep. And of course, they left the tour bus open and, um, yeah, just hopped on and I traveled to them for a really long time.

Did they know you were there or were you hiding? I was hiding for the first bit. Everyone's just saying, yeah, I'm, yeah, per. Right. Yeah, and that didn't get to, oh, by the way, you talk. I'm a talking cat. Yeah, obviously. Was that, was that, was that, we had for, Destiny, was that, we had for you?

Not at all. I know several. Sarah was that, we had for you talking cat we'd for you. Not at all. I know several Sarah was that we had for you talking cat. Yeah. No, it was a little startling. I mean, to be honest, Destiny, you were more startled at something brushing against your leg. I was worried that ultra-chon found me and was going to punish me for ultra-chon.

I know that you're here. I am supposed to be in my underground yurt at the moment. Oh, is Ultra-Chon like looking for like the all-spark or the all-spice? You know some of our terminology. Okay, because that's Transformers. Yeah, this is just Transformers. I don't know how much of what you guys are learning is just Transformers, but well, we are trying to transform. Right. Yeah. Okay, but you're not like a old 57 chevvy or something. I mean, Ultratron can turn into one. Ask Ken what is favorite chialaboof movie is next time you see him. Okay.

The next time you give him that blowjob and try to pass on my number. Hopefully it's holes. This is a Transformers Yooktrop. But I'm back. Yeah, talking cat. You eventually revealed to 3. But I'm talking cat. You eventually revealed to 311 that you were talking cat. Yeah, yeah, I did. And but it's got them.

I'm sniffing around here and I'm smelling a couple of dogs. Yeah, we, well, let me explain. Okay. You look, you left and we. how long did you look for me? I mean, in Hollywood time, it was an hour, but that's like an hour we're not working on our screenplay. So that's a long time. First of all, I was here a lot when you were supposedly working on your screenplay.

I'm sitting on your lap. You're scrolling through porn. Thinking heck it, I write a bit about this now, but I just jerk off. I was right. You on my lap. Well, because that's what cats do, baby. Yeah, yeah. Well, look, no, I mean, we held on hope. We thought you might come back. You know, that song that cat came back the very next day. Yeah. You thought that that was going to be instructional for your life? Yeah. You know, it's out there, but at a certain point, we said, you know what? There's a hole in our life. Why don't we upgrade?

Let's get a couple of dogs. Upgrade. Maybe I'm using the wrong terminal. And I told this is crazy. I feel like the guy from Castaway the titular castaway himself I think his character's name was cast away and he comes home But all of a sudden his wife has this new husband. She's fucking. It's wait You have to admit it's weird that in Castaway. Yeah, he calls the volleyball Wilson

Yes, and he's out there going, well, son, and his wife's name is Rita Wilson. It's pretty weird, right? I thought it was weird. It's a weird guy talking. We would watch that on the door bus all the time. And really, 311 is a big cast. He nut the bass player, of course, would say to be like,

isn't it weird that he's even a Wilson that he gets home? And he's mad that she's replacing with like some dude But here plays her with a volleyball. Yeah, I mean that's fucked. Yeah, do you think he went out and bought a new volleyball painted it? Painted the same one. I know we talked about it with a tour But I can only imagine 311 those guys like to get high and so we got so high Scott first of all I've of course Got very fucked up on cat nip tee for a while. I was strung out. And, you know, I was a lot of those cities, a lot of the tour dates. I ended up missing, of course, three, 11 day.

When you say missing, what do you mean? He's like, you wouldn't go out. I was totally blacked out. I was well, sometimes I wandered on stage and I said, meow, per, perm, meow. Why do you say that instead of actually talking? Because I think, because of actually talking, you mean actually purring, and then,

yeah, instead of talking. Well, I learned how to speak the human language and of cats per translated into human language, it's just the word perm. Right. It's an Anamanapia. Thank you, Sarah. Sarah, you're a Anomonepia. Thank you, Sarah. Sarah, you're a genius.

You know what I know you from Sarah? What? Rain Robinson on Star Trek Voyager. Oh, wonder. Well, the greatest guest-darring roles in the history of the day. I haven't reached that yet. I kind of tapped out at season two on Forge. Which season are you in?

I don't know, but it's three. It's a really hard one. Star Trek Voyager, 1997. Yeah, I'm full. You gotta get in this, God. You haven't even gotten to seven of nine yet. I know, I can't watch Picard without knowing who she is.

You gotta watch, you know, we watch that on the 311 tour bus all the time. Really? Yeah, we watch season three of Picard, great TV. God, the 311 tour bus sounds so fun. I can't wait. It was fun. It was fun.

You know what, I'm not going to the institute anymore. I want to go on the 311 tour bus sounds so fun. It was fun. I get on this. It was fun. You know, I'm not going to the institute anymore I want to go on the 311 tour bus. Oh no Do you know who 311 is? I can learn I'd be willing to learn for you Scott. Please don't take your name off my roster I have to reach my quota. What's your how many I mean Sarah, Sarah and I need to and list these per day. Sarah has the strength of two. She's a she's a list celebrity. She's one of the five comedians that everyone. She was raised.

You just like that. Yeah. Yeah, I must count for two now. Yeah. I'll try to, I'll try to use that. I'm gonna get on this bus instead. It's only a bus. I think you would have a fun time on the 311 boss.

With peanut, peanut, rice, the ketchup, the same Martinez. I'm fascinated by how much potential you've unlocked. You're speaking, you're performing on stage, you've grown this amazing long beard. Sometimes, so I do some of the songs with them, but only the really reggae ones. Right, and you do the rapping.

Yeah, come on, I rap over a reggae song. These are cat dreads, if you didn't know. Well, I was, I thought you were wet. You thought I was wet. You wet you. No, these are just straight up dreadlocks, not D-dread. They call me Cotty Dreadlocks. That's funny.

Hey, that was a little joke. Yeah, but sanctioned humor. That's sanctioned humor. You know, Scott, I've, I got a lot of stories from the road. I know you were talking about that earlier. Fans tend to do this in the album, being on the road, but as a cat on the road, God, I got some stories.

I'd love to hear. I'd love to hear. Yeah, I'd love to hear some, tell us some stories. I mean, I got on the road with 311. You know, one thing about a cat is we get horny, Scott. Hmm. And I feel like there's this K9 privilege where like when a dog is humping something, it's cute. But when a cat's doing it,

it's scary and dangerous. Look. Yeah. Monkey doing it is also scary. Yeah, because they could rip your balls off. Yeah. And they know that's the first thing they go for is the balls. How do they know? Great quote, well, because they have balls themselves. Oh, it is true. I read that some, I think it was the, ton and country. Oh, right.

Warren baby, they got a big article about two chimps know that they have ripped balls off and yeah, they do, they wow. But I was out there I got horny and Walk it around I started seeing some people and then Scott it back fired some people yeah, yeah because well, I saw skunk Scott

So I painted myself with a little strip. A white stripe. Yeah. And I actually was horny for the skunk. Normally it's the other way around. Yeah, the classic horny skunk is the horny skunk. The horny skunk. The horny skunk that you see. And I thought, this is some fun. This is some untapped pee.

Pussy. Oh, okay, thank you. Yeah. And we could say that because we're cats. Right, yes. No idea. I was like, this is some untapped pee. I gotta go after the skunks.

Scott, something about skunks, they don't tell ya. Their giz smells really bad. I, that's not giz. What is, they, what, I mean, it's just, it's definitely they're expelling a bodily secretion. A mask. Okay, you're not, you're not about skunks. We, they are used as punishment for our penance. Oh, no

Yeah, that's bad because these things smell like shit Scott. I'd I smell like shit for a really long time Yeah, so that's one of your interesting stories you try to fuck a skunk by painting a stripe on you Yes, that's what about interesting stories. Yes, sir. Well, Scott I just feel like you're misunderstanding him because thank you sir. He's saying He he knows that skunks spray as a defense in it house that skunky He's made skunks Come yeah, oh, that's the story and there come smells like shit So the interesting story is that I did you know in my understanding.

Yes, I'm so sorry. Sarah, you know that a come the skunks actual comes smells like their defense, right? And my interest is interesting. Interesting. And the and that you made a skunk. Oh, yeah. I made it. It was how what was your technique?

If you and maybe candidate apply to a human with another human, it was a lap dance. You giving the skunk a lap dance and and it was over pants I just really I really brushed my little hind butt on the bulge who was wearing pants I was wearing pants it was a male skunk it was a male skunk yeah okay well I mean look I swear I'll fuck a man, I don't cam a cat Scott. Right, yeah. The castle fuck anything. Everyone knows cats are fluid. Yeah, yeah. Cats are totally gender-flu out fuck anything,

I'll be fucked by anything. Yeah. And that's what I'm an interesting story. I really, I wish I had either spayed or neutered whatever is applicable to you. Nah, nah, nah, nah, that would have been fucked because I would have been out there with nothing to fucking show for my...

The 3-11 people wouldn would have taken me on the tour really I think they're against that kind of thing P dot he's always like they should be more straights straights are great Well they're hanging out by the dumpsters all the time where they're all hanging out I mean what kind of say is 3-11 sky? Yeah They they seem like a straight cat kind of well that's the straight cat. Yeah, that's right. Yeah Yeah, we went on the 311 crews back in last February, right? Yeah, that seems fun You know does Benson was there. Yeah, so you so a cat on yeah a cruise that seems dangerous because cats you guys famously hate water. Yeah, yeah

but Yeah, yeah, but the crew so fun. I look I hate water, but a cruise. I mean, all you could eat buffet. Yeah, laughs to see the dog for oh, there was so I had them bring on a dumpster. So I started I was able to add to the writer for three 11. They was part of the band. I was able to add a dumpster to every city we go.

I want a dumpster in the green room dumpster in the green. And it's got to have fish that I could like fish bones. Yeah, I can eat the fish and just put it in my mouth and then pull out the bones. Pull out the bones like, That's right Scott. And so it was fun torn around, but eventually the bad, we had creative differences. Oh really, they didn't want you. I wanted to keep going deeper into the reggae thing and they thought like, it's kind of

not a good look for us. People are starting to talk. Have they stopped doing the reggae thing? they thought like, it's kind of not a good look for us. People are starting to think. Have they stopped doing the reggae thing? That's what they do. Well, they really temper the reggae thing with some hard power chords, Scott. Yeah, that's the combo though. That's the combo.

But that was the reggae. Back in the day, they were saying stuff like Nazi dreadlocks and the, you know, which you make people love them. Yeah, she make it people love appropriation. But you didn't know this guy? You make people love them. Yeah, you make it people love appropriation. But you didn't know this guy? You make people love them. I had no idea.

You make it people love Chet Hayes. You had no idea. Mom. Thank you Scott. Oh my God. By the way, yeah. What if Tom Hanks had been yelling, Hays the entire time instead of Wilson

because that's Chet Hayes, his son. I mean his name is Chet Hanks. I thought it was Chet Hayes though. Isn't his stage name is Chet Hayes, his son. I mean, his name is Chet Hanks. I thought it was Chet Hayes though. His name is, his stage name is Chet Hayes. His rap name is Chet Hayes. Scott, I don't think so. I'm telling you, I'm looking up. Why would he make a rap name so similar to his old name?

Chet Hayes? Chet Hayes. Yes, it's Chet Hanks, Chet Hayes. Yes. That's stoop, that's probably stoop. I hate that scunk. Look, don't talk to me. Talk to Tom Hanks. He's the guy who...

I did talk to Tom Hanks, but you did. Yeah, we were on. So he came to a 3-Eleven show and I don't know, Omaha. Tom Hanks, you know, he came for Omaha. Aren't they from Omaha? Yeah, they have a great song called Omaha Stylie. Home Town Show. It was a home town show.

And 3-Eleven, before they did Omaha Stylie. Omaha style. He said any super fans want to come on stage and sing with us. And yeah, Tom Hanks just sort of crouched up his way up. He crown served up there. He was like, bring me up there. I want to do I want to do Omaha Stiley with the boys. That's how he talks. Wow. His real name is Tim Hanks. Is that so? Interesting. He changed it so that he could do his acting anonymously. Wow. Good for him.

He's a member of the Institute. Oh, yes. I don't know about that. How's that what I heard? What did you hear? He said, this is my actual name. I said, is this a stage name? He said, no, my name is Tom Hanks.

Really? Is this the conversation you had with him? Yes. While he was singing Omaha Stylian. He would sing Nelliric and then answer your questions. And then we were like, hey Tom, we're done with Omaha Stylian. We're about to go into beautiful disaster. You wanna stay on stage?

And he was like, I'm staying for beautiful disaster. Just go, wow, okay, God. I mean, you do have some crazy stories. These are some crazy stories. That's a story about what we visited at. No, I just saw you for the first time in 10 years. I feel like I've been with you this whole time, Scott. Tell me the story about what?

When we visited Jerry Garcia's grave. Oh, where's that? Good question. I was fucking shrugged out. Okay, I think it's a Vermont. Okay, so then you as we visited his grave. Do you think it's because Ben and Jerry with their Jerry garciar

from Vermont? No, Scott. I know exactly where he's buried. Yeah, that's probably what I was thinking. Oh, let me look at it anyway. But yeah, so tell us about the tells us it is grave. And I'm there. I'm of course pouring out some cat nip tea from my boy. And look who comes out of the woodworks, but hecliff himself Scott. Heathcliff, the other cat that, well, he thinks in English. Yeah, he thinks in English. I don't think he says anything. Right. And he's the one who taught me how to eat the fish off the bone in one go. Do you think Heathcliff thinks in English or we just have a universal translator? I think he thinks in French, to be honest.

Okay. His name is Heathcliff. Jerry Garcia, by the way, it was cremated and his ashes were split and scattered underneath the Golden Gate Bridge. That's what I didn't know what I said. So we went to Golden Gate Bridge, of course, looking at the piece of dust that we thought, it's also matches on the ground. I said, God, I didn't say Scott. I said, I said, you used to say Scott, but for this last 10 years, you were saying Nick, I was saying Nina, I was saying Nina, I said Martinez, and I said,

God, I know these are Jerry Garcia's ashes, but you wanna know what it looks like to be? Cat litter. That's funny. So I pissed out at shit on it. That's a pretty fun story. These stories, I gotta say, I've been out in the wild, Scott, I've got so fun story stories. I gotta say I've been out in the wild.

Scott I've got so many fucking stories. One is you fucked a skunk and it's smell disgusting and one is you piss and shit on Jerry Garcia's ashes. You're telling me that's not gonna push units. If I were to write a book, I don't know. Scott you just wrote it. Sarah wrote a book with several chaps. You don't think a good chap would be the time I shed

on Cherrikasio's ashes. I mean, a human doing that? God, this is some bullshit. That's interesting, but just so random. So you're saying my book. My book, ploy is not gonna work. I'm not gonna be able to make a book. Why don't you write a chap about how you learned how to talk?

I mean, that's an interesting story. That's what's unique about you. Yeah, I guess so. How did you, you never told me, you just started talking one time. I just fucking, you hear enough 311 songs by guy. I mean, so I was on the bus and they were playing from chaos, of course.

Of course. And I started thinking, I was like meowing. I said, chaos. And they were like, okay, you can learn. So they, where you talked with me before you got on the 311 bus. I was like meowing, I said chaos. And they were like, okay, you can learn. Where you talked with me before you got on the 311 book. Yeah, but now why was imitating you? I was like that monkey who they taught,

sign language, dude, they didn't really know title language. How many, how many words? If you had to guess, if you added up every 311 song. Yeah, how many words do they use? Okay, I'm guessing at most 50. 311. Oh, yeah'm guessing at most 50. 311. Oh, 311. Yeah, that's right.

It's right there. And once they hit 311, they can only use words that they've used before in songs. They said down. Down is one of them definitely. They said transistor. Right. Transistor.

By the way, that counts as one of the 311. They really had to wrestle with it. Like, look, are we ever gonna use transistor ever again? Oh, we gonna be able to say transistor, but I think like in Omaha, style, they say transistors. Okay, yeah, I know, but they're never gonna be able to use any of the song.

They, you know, the song from 51st dates. Scott hasn't seen. Have you ever listened to my show, Scott hasn't seen, where you ever... Good show. Great show. They listen to it on the bus. They do, three-eleven, you know what?

He nods a huge fit. One of them follows me on Twitter right now. I think it might be Pina. I think it might be Pina. And I think he does listen to your podcast. Oh, he does. He doesn't listen to this. I love him.

Hey, Pina, if you're out there, hey. Hey, I saw you at the palace back in 1995 probably did you see him Scott where they were doing that thing where towards the end of the show They all just played a big drum. No, I didn't see that They played they all played They all like so they all had drums they each had a drum see that's what so I was like all right You guys should all have your own drum fucking ass a Mart martina. He's he's always worried about the budget. The guy's like, we used one drum nine drum sticks.

I was like, he's all about the bottom line. I know he's all about the bottom. He's like David Sazloff with three 11. But you know, so they were all going around with drum and they'd start playing it and be like, isn't this cool? We're playing a drum and I was kind of like, yeah, I guess so. I mean, I liked when you played the guitar too. Yeah, I mean, they're like,

Weird. More well known, I would say, for playing the guitar. Power chords. Yeah, I'm playing bass and stuff like that. Playing bass, and yeah, yeah, you know, 3-11, good group. Good group. Well, this is very interesting. Are you back to stay?

I think, I mean, I do wanna stay. I wanna sit on your lap, I mean, I do want to stay. I want to sit on your lap. I want to make muffins on your lap. I want to kind of stare at you while you're masturbating. And I really rather you not do that if that's okay. You know what's, here's what I say, Scott. I think you should wrap up the show.

You think I should wrap up the show? I think you should wrap up the show. I'm looking over at Ray and Robinson right now. Ray Robinson's got some appointments. I'm so sorry. I just thought I rub up the shop. I'm looking over at Ray and Robinson right now. Ray and Robinson's got some of a point. I'm so sorry. I just thought I could maybe sleep at home. Oh, you could. You have to go right now or can we do plugs?

You did it on your shirt. Yeah. Five more minutes or in take a picture? I sure sure, yeah. I'm sorry, I have people coming to my house. Oh no, what are they doing? 30. Like intruders?

Like the strangers? You're the one. You want to meet them? Yeah. Okay, well look, I really want you to my house. Oh, no, what are they doing? Like, intruders? Like the strangers? You want to meet them? Yeah. Okay, well, look, I really want you to stick around, Crenshaw. Yeah, Scott, I'll tell you one. I'll stick around and I'll come back for a further episode to talk about three lemon.

Okay, we'll talk about three lemon. All right, well, we are running out of time, not just because Sarah has to leave, because she has people. No, no, no, no, no. I was just talking, I wasn't saying anything important to be out of it. Not true. We would just kind of shoot the shit he was catching up. I mean, he wasn't even supposed to

be on the show. Don't talk about my friend Crenshaw like that. Thank you, Sarah. Oh, all right, we are running out of time. We just have time for one final feature on the show. And that is a little something called plugs. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, So much, that was coffee plug by Ben Hewardine. I believe is how you pronounce that. Thank you so much, Ben. If you have a plug theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. Sarah, obviously the special is out right now. Someone you love. Sarah Silverman, Colin, someone you love.

That's right. Let me say that like a grown woman. Sarah Silverman, someone you love. Now say it like a child. That's pretty good. And hopefully you'll be doing more ordinary's, you know, and you're putting out three year after this. Because we would love to see your output grow

a little bit. Destiny, what do you want to plug? Oh, there's a great website called tiktok.com. Yeah, no, yeah, everyone knows about tiktok. Oh good, okay, great, then my plug's over. You can check out Suzy Bear 44 on tiktok. Is that your favorite tiktok? Yes.

Oh. You're allowed to have tiktok? No, that's why I'm missing some fingers. Oh, wow. I wondered, yeah, because you just have your two middle fingers are the only ones you have left. That's right. I thought you were giving me the bird when you walked in in oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, no, I would never do that Why do I get those cut off first because they're so rude?

Huh Maybe I can change the protocol. Okay. Yeah anyway Crenshaw, what do you want to plug? 311 is gonna be the Houston house of blues on May 26. Oh cool be the Houston House of Blues on May 26th. Oh cool. The only way to pass that, but yeah. Okay, I will June 4th, there'll be the Atlantic City Beer Music Festival.

Why are they coming out like? Because I'd love to catch up with you. When they come into the lake. Well, they, they, okay, there'll be Sacramento at the Aftershock Festival with a vengeance. Close, close, tool and corn. Oh, hey. So they'll be down there, Scott.

My old buddy Maynard. Yeah, Maynard from Tool. Yeah. No, that's interesting That's your buddy. I mean, I've known him for a long time. Yeah, that's cool. All right. Well, I'll be on stage I'll be playing the big drum. Okay. Oh, so you're back. You're going back with that. Yeah, I'm gonna go back because you give fucking got dogs Yeah, no, there's a good you got a child, too. It's like come on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the other part we can talk about. Yeah. Yeah. I stopped jerking off, and I actually had sex.

All right. I want to plug. Hey, the comedy band being book is out there. It's a big hit. Going into its third printing now. So that's very exciting. So check that out. And go head over to CBB World.

And check out our shows. We have some great CBB presents We just put out something called Heinz. I'm proff to meet you where Will Heinz teaches Improv to CBB guests. This last episode he teaches it to Batman and Mertle and Geno. Yes. Very fun. Also, we have Hey Randy with Randy Stutz and, uh, Hume with the Batman and, uh, so much great stuff. All right, let's go. Scott hasn't seen.

Scott hasn't seen. Forgot about that. Let's close up the old plug back. Oh my god. Back he, look at that. You got it. Oh my god. Back he, look at that.

Back when you're feeling running down and the moon is right. You've got to grab the key. Back he,' at a buck When you're feeling run down And the moon is right back You've got to grab the key Back he turned into the right When you wanna melt Every look in the free You gotta lock it Christian, baby Check the pump back for you

Gotta open up Every look in the free Get your brains together Every look in it up Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't know it was coming. That was 2023 remix by Josh Goodman. Thank you so much to Josh and Sarah. We want to thank you so much for being here, for returning one of our oldest and most favored guests. Thank you so much. And hey, Destiny, I'll see you out there in Gary, Indiana, maybe although I want to get on this tour bus with Crenshaw.

Don't, this is Scrumie Scott, I might die. Okay, all right. I want wanna be one of the 13 though. Okay. So just pass on my info if you could. And Crenshaw, it's great catching up with you. Hey man, great to see you. Tell Pena to hit me up. Hey, Pena, if you're listening, hit us up.

When we know you are, Pena, we wanna have you out. Scott hasn't seen you. Yeah, we would love to have you on Skydust. Could you watch a movie that's just a number? You maybe, we'll have the guy from 311 on to watch What are the movies? Yeah, pretty too about Jackie Robinson. Yeah. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks, bye you