Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Sharon Horgan, Paul F Tompkins, Casey Feigh

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

Award winning actor/writer/producer Sharon Horgan (Catastrophe, This Way Up) joins Scott to discuss her new Apple TV+ series Bad Sisters, anecdotes about ear biting, and count down the Top 5 protective flaps. Next, Original Fig stops by to talk about his scratch card maladies and set the record straight about The Hogan Family. Then, Weed Seinfeld drops by the studio to test out some new material.

If robots had robots, we'd all have sore hands. Thank you to David Mamet's Gunt for that catchphrase submission. Alright, thank you, David Mamet's Gunt. I don't know that that one's going to switch. Oh, it may switch. May not stick. Welcome back. I'm at the top of my game.

Welcome back to the show. My name is Scott Ackerman, and we have a great show coming up a little later. We have a businessman. We also have a comedian. But before we get to them, let me just tell you, stars are back. Stars are back on Comedy Bang Bang. We had a real fallow period there for a while during the... I mean, we had stars during the COVID because they would all say,

like, oh, I'll do it over Zoom. That's the most commitment they would give me is they'll do it over Zoom. So we had some stars, but then we moved into my backyard outside where no stars would go other than Anders Holm, who showed up a day early. And then came back to his credit, came back the next day. But now stars are back on the show, and we have one of the biggest here with us today. You know her from such incredible shows as the increasingly poor decisions of Todd Margaret. You know her from Catastrophe, which she was Emmy-nominated for co-creating

with her good friend Rob Delaney. Oh, my God. You know her from this way up with her friend to the show, Aisling B. And she is in a new show, which is on Apple TV Plus? Apple TV Plus, which basically, if you're rich, you can get Apple TV Plus. And it's the streaming service of rich people all across this great country. It's called Bad Sisters, and she's in it. She's created it.

Please welcome to the show first time the amazing Sharon Horgan. Hello. Hi. It's Aisling. Aisling. Well, you know. Not Aisling. Well, I kind of said it.

I said it in between those two things. And because the whole show is out now, Bad Sisters, episodes 1 to 10, you don't have to be rich because you could just sign up for the weekly, you can trial it for a week. I'm not saying people should do that. I'm just saying they could. They could, but will they? I think they will. They might.

I don't know. I've told Adam Scott this. It's the rich person's streaming service because it costs just about as much as any other streaming service, but they have so few things on it. But what they have is such quality, but it just feels like a lavish expense to me. Yeah, that's it. I agree. I think it's quality over.

I mean, I don't particularly love watching teen romances set on Long Island or whatever. Which shows are we talking about? No, I'm just like, no. Are these, do you mean the Jersey Shore type reality shows or do you mean actual fictional teen romances? I mean, there's a lot of TV out there, isn't there? There certainly is. We're at Peak TV.

Yeah. And you are thriving in it. Thank you. You are having a field day with Peak TV, some of the greatest shows of all time, and they're all available on different things, catastrophes on Amazon, this way up on Hulu, I believe, here in the States. Correct. And this, of course, Bad Sisters on Apple TV Plus.

Housebroken on Fox. Housebroken on Fox and HBO. Shining Vale on Stars. Divorced. I mean, you're not on it. Divorced is no more, though. Yes, but it's on HBO Max, one would assume. Oh yeah, maybe.

Yeah. But did they get divorced in the first episode or the last episode? Or did they get divorced in the first and remarried in the last? Or how did it go? They decided to get a divorce in the first. In the first. These things take a while, you know. Are you divorced yourself?

I am not, no. That's so weird. I'm still with my ex-girlfriend. We married. But they take a bit of time. And that's basically, what's the last episode? Did they get served the papers or you don't know? Oh.

I wasn't involved in the last season. Oh, really? Yeah. But that started the Sandman, did it not? Huh? Thomas Hayden Church. Thomas Hayden Church. I can tell you how disappointed I was.

I turned on that new Netflix show, The Sandman. Yeah. And Thomas Hayden Church isn't in it. Not in it. That's so weird. It's so crazy. Because he signed that contract when he did the film. Exactly.

That is bizarre. Yeah. Anyway, let's talk about Bad Sisters. Bad Sisters, I've seen a good chunk of it at this point. How much is a good chunk? Three. Okay, that's a good one. Three's good, right?

Yeah. Well, they're an hour too. So that's, you know. And you just got booked yesterday, last minute. Fuck off. But it's a really good show. I could explain the premise, but why don't you? Well, it's about five sisters and one of them is married to a prick.

Probably the world's worst person, just from the three episodes I've seen. He gets progressively worse and worse. And then he gets progressively worse after that. After the third episode, he's even worse? Yeah. He's even worse. He reached just such an apex of prickishness in the third one. Yeah.

I was just like, God. That doesn't have to say three is pretty monstrous, but it does get worse. So, yeah, she's married to a prick and then they decide that they're going to take him out. The series starts at his funeral. That's it, yeah. And then it flashes back to see the increasingly just how much they hate him. They grow to hate this guy.

And one by one, they all decide, hey, what if we maybe murdered this guy? But we also don't know if any of them did or because it's a mystery and there are... It's kind of like a how done it, I think. Right. And also they are... Also a why done, although we know why. Yeah, we know why. I mean, I guess it states a bit of a who done it.

It is a where done it as well. When? I guess the night before... It's also a when done it. It is. The night before he was found dead. Three. Okay.

So where done it, why done it? How done it? But I guess the comedy premise is that they're all bad at murder because they're just normal folk. And I guess, you know, I mean, I figure I'd be pretty shit at murder if I tried it. I mean, I was every once in a while, there'd be a scene where I'd be like, you can't... They're bad at this. They can't do that. But then like the book about how to poison someone.

But then you cover your bases by saying like, you know, did you check that out of the library? There's going to be, you know, a paper trail on that. And they go, no, I stole it from the library. So I was like, okay, they're ahead of it. They are. I mean, they're going to cover in their tracks so they're bad at murder, but he's also really good at cheating death. So it's kind of a bit like, like the cartoon equivalent would be like, you know, Wiley,

Coyote and Road Runner. Right. Two best friends. And... I only watched the first maybe 30 seconds of each of them. And then I guess the second part of the premise is it's over two timelines. So one timeline is them... Plotting the murderer.

Plotting the murderers. And then the one that takes place in sort of the current, although it might take place in the future. I think it's the present. Does it take, is it like set in 2040? It is very sci-fi. People have lasers. There are insurance investigators who are investigating this.

Yeah. Because they don't want it. They can't pay out. Such a big claim. It's such a big claim. It's going to ruin the business. And so they have a personal investment in it. Exactly.

So they've got to prove sort of foul play. But then there's also a kind of, there's romance in there as well. There's sort of a Montague and Capulet type thing. Yes. Including a romance with Eve Houston. And Carol McCormick. Did I meet her after her father's show at Madison Square Garden? Yes.

She's the best. And she... She was very nice. I have one question about your collaborators on this. Okay. True or false? Dave Finkel. One of the people who collaborated with you.

Appeared in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar when we were 19. As Jesus Christ at Rio Hondo College near Los Angeles? Did he? True. Oh. Where I was Anas, one of the priests. What was he, what was he? He was Jesus.

He was Jesus? Did he ever sing on set? No. Not that I can recall. Hmm. No. Interesting though, isn't it? Yeah.

Very interesting. You think about it? Unexpected. He'd never mentioned that. That's a nugget that I'm going to have to try and get rid of now. Yeah. He was speaking of Bono. Yeah.

He was dressed as Bono because we were all dressed as modern rock stars. This is 1989. He was wearing a fringe vest. Like a western vest and a black shirt. School production. This was a college production. Oh, college production. Yes.

During the summer too. Oh. And Judas was dressed like Prince. And we were the priests and we were dressed like kids. And wrapped like the BC boys. It actually was very good. People were crying. In tears everywhere.

Please bring this up to me. I haven't seen him in maybe a decade. What is surprising to know that I haven't seen him since the Evander Hallifield Mike Tyson fight where he Mike Tyson bit off Evander Hallifield's ear? That was only 10 years ago. That was somewhere around there. That was the last time I saw him.

Seems like longer ago. I think it was maybe 15 or so. Oh, I can still feel it. Oh, really? You have empathetic feelings for the year. Really? Yeah. I actually saw someone get their ear bitten off in real life.

What happened? I was at the Flah, which is an Irish sort of outdoor concert in Finsbury Park in North London. I was just hanging out with a load of punks. Can you say punks? What do you mean? I mean like, you know. Like punk rockers or just like a bunch of like ne'er-duels?

No, punk punk. But more sort of crusty punks. Like older punks. They were ne'er-duels in fairness. And one of them was just incredibly drunk. And the other one was even drunker. And they started having a fight. And you could tell it wasn't going to end well.

But I was not expecting him to go over and bite the guy's ear, bit a piece off and spat it out in front of my eyes. And I still think, well, I'm talking about it. It's still, it stayed with me all these years later. You don't want that to happen to you. Sorry to tell that story. Although I guess technically that ear part is just like a protective flap. It's just a protective flap, exactly.

So it's, yeah, it's one of the only, it's one of the only protective flaps we have on the body. Is it not? Is there not protective flap around your cock? I had mine take it off when I was young. Yeah. I'd say there's other protective flaps. I don't, I just, I'm not great at, you know, biology.

I guess the nose is a semi-protective flap. Lips. Lips are protective flaps. List the, like the top five protective flaps on the body. Okay. You have ears, number one, as far as I'm concerned. Clitoris hood. I mean, I guess that.

I guess, yeah. Yeah. That's number two. Yeah. Right. Maybe number one for some people. But since it's only half of the population or 51%, I would say that it has to drop down to number two

because everyone has ears pretty much. True, true, true. You know what I mean? It might go down to number five, actually. Now that I think about it, just by numbers. I don't know what else there is. You know, I don't know what else has excess hoodage. Yeah.

I get it. Well, is the, if you have an Audi naval. I was going to say that. Hmm. Yeah. You didn't. No. I beat you to it.

It's not a competition though. Not on this show. Bad sisters is available now. You can basically, how do you, how do you even get Apple TV Plus? What do you have to do? You have to like. I don't know. I don't know where you, I have it,

but I couldn't tell you how I got it. I don't even, I mean, if I'm honest, I don't really know how to turn it on. I asked my daughter, my youngest daughter, my eldest daughter has watched it, but I asked my youngest daughter if she'd watched it and she said no. And I said, why did you, because we don't,

you don't know the login code. So it's very important. If you sign up for Apple TV Plus, you have to remember your login code. Yeah. Otherwise you will not be able to see the show. Or the password or something, but I have recently got my head around it,

so I can watch my show now, but I've watched it 500 times. Right. Have you, were you in the edit and everything? I was, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun.

Yeah, I love it. Snip here, snip there. Yeah, just make it, yeah, make it better. Make it shorter, make it longer. Move this scene, move that scene. Totally. This is what people do in the editing room. You sound like you know your audience.

Oh, I know my way around one. Avid, final cut. Well, it's a great show. The three I've watched are very, very gripping. My wife and I watched them together, and she had actually started before I did, and she's a huge, huge fan. And she, we've been watching them together,

and I made her go back and rewatch the first one and a half that she had already seen, and this story's going nowhere. Do you agree? I'm a little. A little. I kind of bailed out mentally. I wasn't sure.

I threw it through. Right? But it's good. It's a good show, right? My show? Yeah. Bad sisters? Yeah.

I think it's very good, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I spent a long time making it, and so, you know, your hope is always that it's good. How long do you spend making something like that? I mean, I've been saying the same number for the last couple of months,

but it was about two and a half years. It's one and a half years. Yeah. And what's the process? Did you come up with the idea? No, not at all. Oh, it's based on a show? So it's based on a Belgian series called Clan,

and your friend Dave Finkel and his friend Brett Baer, they had got the rights to that series young ago, and I think they'd had to go at making it. And then Apple, I knew the lady who was like the head of, you know, TV there in UK and Europe, and she'd been my boss when we made Catastrophe. Oh. And so she said, look, you know,

I think this is right for a remake, and so, yeah, I watched it, and I thought, oh, I think I know how to do that or do my version of it. And then you kind of have to start at the very, very beginning. You have to, like as if you were just creating something from scratch. Did you, does it follow the same structure

as the Belgian version, Clan? Clan. It's a great Flemish accent, by the way. I couldn't quite tell if it, that was the translation of the original Belgian title, like it's a Clan, like, you know, sisterhood. Yeah, it is. Or that was the actual word, Clan.

Yeah. Both? Is it KLAM? No, no. Okay. God, no. No, no, no. The third K of a bad trifecta.

So it's got sort of similar structure. Sure. I mean, we kept the two timelines from that. Like, could you watch that one and figure out who actually killed and why and where, and like, does it follow the exact plot? In other words? It follows.

There's a lot more, you haven't watched the whole thing, so it's hard to completely explain it to you, but it's, there's a lot more, in the Belgian original, there's a lot more attempted murders and it's, you know, it has the same sort of dual timeline, but it was just a lot crazier, it was a lot wackier. Oh, really? There was, yeah, there was a trap.

It was more heightened, you know? Yeah, your show is grounded in a lot of ways. Yeah. And it's a great relationship between the sisters. It feels very real. It never feels like it's nutty, or like fish called Wanda or anything like that. No.

Right. But, I mean, in fairness, a couple of nutty things happen later in the season, but yeah, in the Belgian one, there was Chinese mafia, there was Hitmen, and there was a murder attempt every episode, and there was always, there was like a really high body count,

and, you know, people ended up in dog food processing plants. And there's not a lot of people in Belgium, so it's like, you know, like how to, the percentages of, if there's so many dead bodies, that's like, you know, half the population. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make any sense. Probably, but it was still great.

Like, it was a great show, and the girl who created it, Sarah Marlon goes and was in our writer's room, and she's, yeah, she's great. You know, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't sort of loved the original. It was just, I just felt like I had to do a sort of... Your version of it.

Yeah, what would happen if this really did sort of happen in real life, you know? So, two and a half years ago, you see the show that develops into the pitch, and then did you write them all at the same time, or did you do a pilot, or...? No, we didn't have to. Well, we did a pitch

for how we were going to approach the season, and then we, you know, you do, like, ten outlines, and then, you know, you farm them out amongst your lovely writer's room, and then you sort of... You kind of do a lot of rewriting and stuff like that, and then you sort of shoot them in relative order, and then you kind of rewrite as you go,

because it's shot during COVID, and people keep getting sick, and you have to keep writing people out of scenes. Do you know, we didn't really shut down at all. We started late because our entire art department just, like, dropped, like, flies. Yes.

But apart from that, we just kept... We just had to keep going. We had to... I've never written so much on set in my life, like, you know, and also a minute, so it was kind of... It was tricky. It was hard work.

Did you ever, when you were acting in a scene, accidentally write and vice versa? That's weird. That didn't happen. Wouldn't that be weird? Wouldn't that be so weird? And then you just write a scene? There was definitely some scenes where my laptop was, you know,

just there. Talk to Amy and Paula once. If you watch any television show or movie, every single scene and actor's sides are just underneath their calf. Oh, yeah. Or underneath their leg, or in the cushions of whatever they're sitting on.

So just imagine every single thing you're watching, basically, like, scripts everywhere. Yeah. That's exactly what it was like. It's messy and disgusting. Yeah. There was one... Acting is disgusting, isn't it?

Oh, it's absolutely vile, yeah. When we were making Catastrophe, there was one day where... Because, you know, when you've written something, it's kind of hard to shut off and then just do your acting, because you're just thinking about everything else. And there was this one time in the edit

where we were just like... It was the final day in the edit, and we were just signing it off. And I noticed that in the scene, my character was in the background mouthing along the words that the guest actor was doing. So I was obviously, like, watching her

so intently dancing. The old Will Smith. It looked really psycho. The Will Smith in Fresh Prince, in the pilot, he's doing that. Is he? He's just mouthing the... Anytime anyone else talks,

he's mouthing their lines. Is that for real? And then the slap heard around the world. Cut to the slap. But yeah, that's... I love it when I see people mouthing lines and stuff. I never heard that happen. Did you leave it in?

You should leave it in. I did not leave it in. You should zoom in on it. Oh, can you imagine? Oh, man. I'm a troll-freakery. Amazing. Well, Bad Sisters is...

The finale just came out. I wanted to start to, you know, when the finale was there so I could just breeze through them. Yeah. You know what I mean? Fair enough. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And just the finale just came out on Friday. Do you know if you're doing a second season or not? Could there even be a second? Is there a second season of clan? No, no, no. There's no second season of clan, but there is.

I did sort of think that that was it, you know? You mentally had written it off. Oh, yeah, completely. This should go with the Emmy campaign. I'd mentally written this off for your consideration. It ended there and I felt like I did the ending I wanted and I was delighted with it. And then, you know, people like the show

and they like the sisters. And so if I could think... Could be you dying. If I could think of a really good reason to do it, which could be me dying, which would be nice because then I could, you know, just get on with the writing. Well, you would be in the flashbacks, I'm sure, where you suddenly start acting like a prick

to your sisters and they go like, man, we gotta kill her. That feels like it's half written now, so thank you for the idea. I'm willing to give you any kind of ideas for free. Really? Yeah, exactly. But I feel bad taking them from you because...

Don't worry about it. Really? No, please. I love it. Just give me a shout out. Name a character after me. Or at least make a character look like me and a friend of mine, like Nick Kroll hits.

In Big Mouth? Oh, yeah. You kind of look like all of them. Yeah, a friend of mine and I look exactly like two characters. Really? And yet we do not voice them. That is gone.

We'll talk to him about that on a future show. But Bad Sisters is... I keep wanting to say in stores or in theaters, but it's just there in a TV. It's just in the TV. It's in the TV, yeah. Yeah, all of it. It's like ones and zeros.

Yeah. Isn't that crazy to think about? Your life's work is just ones and zeros. I don't really think about it like that. Yeah. It's great ones and zeros, like some of the best. But still. Listen.

Ones and zeros nonetheless. Well, it's a great show for what I've seen of it and I'm going to devour the next seven. And I hope there's another season. Maybe she could get married to someone else who's bad. Like she's got bad luck with, you know... You know, I have had some of these very ideas. Maybe you get married to someone.

And you're like, now we got a taste for it. I even like the guy. If you do something and people like it, it is a bit scary to do it again. It's much easier to have like a... You know, something that comes into its own by the second or third. Do a white lotus with it

and make it about a different family. Is that what they did? In white lotus, it's now about, other than Jennifer Coolidge, a different spot, a different group of vacationers. Oh, it's a different white lotus hotel, isn't it? Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So... I'm in for that. Yeah, so... I don't know if my show could work in that way. It's not set in a hotel. Well, no, just it's about another group of sisters who hate some dude for whatever reason. That's another good idea.

I mean... Maybe they want to kill the president. And it's like an assassination attempt. Okay. So set it here or like... Set it in America. No, set it in America. From the rear.

And it's during an election season. Right. And there's a big debate going on. And there's a countdown to... Is this like a fake president or... You want to make it a bit sort of fly on the wall? I guess so. Yeah, it could be fake,

although it could be analogous to what's going on. Right, right, right. So it's like, you know what I mean? So it's... And then like you see, you see basically like the opening scene is the fake president gets up there and says, well, I'm here today.

And then boom, get shot in the head. And then like, it's all of his sisters. Who done it? When done it? How have done it? This feels like a different show. I say the more I kind of spit all this out, but I don't know.

It's good to have another show up your sleeve. Yeah, there you go. You can ever have two of these shows up your sleeve. Well, Bad Sisters, we all want to watch this. Scrounge Up, what is Apple TV Plus? It's like $20 a month. Like Fiverr? Is it Fiverr?

No, it's way more than Fiverr. Is it? Are you sure? Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe a five in England. Oh, yeah. No. Whatever that translates to out here.

That our currency is destroyed. Exactly. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we have... Are you excited about this? The business person that we're going to talk to next. Oh, wow. I am excited about that.

You're sort of the business person, the business of show business. I suppose I am a bit. Yeah, exactly. So you have a lot to talk about. Maybe. All right, great. Has he got a briefcase?

We'll figure that out. I don't know. I've never asked him that question. He's been on the show before. I've never asked him if he has a briefcase. This is a great first question. All right, I'm going to write this down. You're really good at this.

Okay, I need you here by my side to talk to these people. I'm happy to. I'm excited to meet a business person. Good question. Briefcase. Oops. Just through the pan everywhere.

All right, we're going to take a break. Sharon Horgan is here. Bad sisters. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back. Sharon Horgan is here.

Bad sisters. Who came up with the title? Well, I did. I did want to call it clan, like the Belgian original, but it's tricky here to call something fun. Yeah. They can't even in a baseball game

and there's three strikeouts. They can't. And because if you go to a baseball stadium, baseball, by the way, do I need to explain that? Yeah, he could. That would be great. Cricket, but better or worse.

I don't really know. Okay. But you go to a baseball stadium and when there's a strikeout, the pitcher, the pitcher is the guy on the... I know what a pitcher is. You know what a pitcher is.

Yeah. And he throws the ball across that plate, which I just figured out 50 years into my life that it's shaped like a house. Oh. Because it's home plate. Yeah. Anyway, he throws it across a plate

and if he strikes the batters out, there's the letter K, which stands for strikeout. That's the shortcut to... the abbreviation for strikeout is K, for whatever reason. It's a K. But you can't do three of those in a row

because of the whole clan thing. K, K, K. So when they... the third one, whenever they get the third strikeout, they light up something else or they... Oh, fair enough, though.

Yeah. You know, because they don't want to... they do it back... Oh, that's right. They do it backwards. They do a backwards K, which looks cooler. Also, still three Ks.

It's still three Ks, but one looks like... it's like cool-looking K. Anyway, so yeah, you didn't... so you... so then did you... what were some of the alternate titles that you pitched? Oh, my God.

I can't... I almost don't want to relive it because it was such a bad time. Lady killers. It was... I mean, honest to God, just some of the worst ideas of all time. And I wish I could remember some of them,

but I think I've got like PTSD because it's really hard to find a title for a show. Yeah. It's really hard. Because everything sounds stupid until it comes out and then it just becomes the thing that it is. I know, but also,

you come up with a brilliant idea and then there's some film from 1953 and... or some TV show that was made six months ago. Right. Or some short five-minute, ten-minute short film that's going to sue you if you...

Yeah. Exactly. And you know, you just... you have to make a lot of people happy. What about sister-sister? Sister? Sister-sister?

Because there's five sisters. Well, it was sister-sister-sister-sister-sister. Isn't that what I said? You just said sister-sister-sister. No, I said sister-sister-sister. Sister-sister-sister. Did you? I'm checking with people in the room.

Oh, I see, I see. Sorry, okay. Because there's another show called Sister-sister. Yeah. And then I paused. And then, dramatically,

like, that's all I was going to say. And then I went on and I said the next three sisters. But maybe that would be because I feel like Modern Family did closet, closets, closets, closets, so well. I don't remember this, but...

You don't remember closets, closets, closets, closets, closets? What is that? So it's the name of... It's the name of his nemesis. Played by whom? I don't... Hmm.

I don't know. But anyway, he sells closets and the name of his closet story is closets, closets, closets, closets. You a big... You know what you should do? Okay.

Not to be the person giving you so much advice for free, but I kind of want to manage you, by the way. Go on, go on. Why do you think I'm doing a bad job? No, no, no. But there are areas in which

we could kind of pump this up a little bit. But you should start a Modern Family rewatch podcast. They're very big right now. The Office Ladies. They make so much money. Really?

Yes. But I'm not in Modern Family. No, but see, you're a big fan. Yeah. And you're a star already, so it's almost like this already. How much would I make? Do you like millions?

Dollars, by the way. Oh, sure. Okay. You should get one of your friends. Who else likes Modern Family? Both of my daughters. Both of your daughters? Yeah.

Okay, are they famous? No, but they're funny. Okay. You think this is a hard sell. Yeah, get another famous person. Get another famous person. Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe someone who's never seen Modern Family before. Like, who's your best friend? My best friend is Pippa Brown. Okay, get Pippa. Get Pippa? Yeah, she's very funny. Actually, that could work.

Yes, you and Pippa, watching Modern Family, talking about it, interviewing all the people who are on it. Okay. Okay. I can give you a contract right now.

Yeah. Well, I'm busy until 2025, but if you feel like the podcast thing is still going to be a thing then. I don't know. The world is still going to be around. Something else might have come along, right? Yeah, a new invention.

Man, that's going to kill us. Just like podcast killed radio. When did you start doing comedy? 14 years ago almost. Really? So you must have been one of the pioneers. I mean, I don't like to bandy that word about,

but am I on Mel Podmore? Along with, you know, Obama, Springsteen, the guy who they just released from prison on from serial, Adnan, what's his name? Oh, Adnan. Yeah.

Yeah, sure, I'm on there. Is it annoying that everyone has a podcast? Yes. Yeah. I say that without hesitation. Yes. It was better when I was one of the only people. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. This is better then. I know. I feel the same. I started a production company. Yeah. And now I think everyone has a production company.

I know. Yeah. Every actor has a production company. Yeah, and every actor has ever cast in something. They're also executive producing. Oh, really? Wow.

What a treat. There's a lot of executive producing to do. A lot to be done. All right. Well, speaking of a lot to be done, we need to get to our next guest if that's okay. Bad Sisters is on Apple TV Plus right now. All 10 episodes.

Let's talk to this gentleman. And I have my first question all lined up ready to go. Thanks to Sharon. By the way, you know what else you could do? You could do a Hogan family rewatch podcast. Hogan on Hogan. Hogan on Hogan. Yeah.

Okay. Yes. Okay. Anyway, let's get to our next guest. He is the owner and proprietor. Oh, Hogan. No. There was a sitcom, an American sitcom called the Hogan family.

I didn't know. Okay. I think it was called Valerie's Family. And then Sandy Duncan passed away. Oh. And not Sandy Duncan. Anyway, whoever it was who played Valerie passed away. Okay.

And then they changed, they didn't, they had a great thing going here. So they just, they changed it to the Hogan family. Okay. Anyway, let's talk to our next guest. He is the owner and proprietor of Original Fig's Liquor. No, he's shaking his head, but I don't remember what his store is called. But let's talk to him right now. Original Fig is here.

Hello. Hey, Scott. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? It's a Gethsemane liquor and scratcher. Gethsemane. That's right.

Liquor and scratcher. That's right. And just real quick before we get into whatever. You want to correct me about the Hogan family? Yeah. Here's what happened. The show was a sitcom. It was originally called Valerie.

It started Valerie Harper and it was her and her family. Then after the first... Where was Sandy Duncan during this? Hold on a second. Don't spoil it for yourself. Okay. So after the first season, I think she was a big hit. Valerie Harper says, I want this amount of money.

They said, no. She said, well, then I'll quit. They said, okay. Was it that short of a negotiation? Pretty much. They kept everybody else. They threw Sandy Duncan in there to be the aunt and they renamed it the Hogan family. It ran for like seven years.

Wow. What kind of lesson does that teach you about your business, Sharon? Just were so just... Expendable, right? Totally expendable. Unless you're Sylvester Stallone in the Expendables franchise. New ones coming out very soon. Get out.

No, I will not get out because it is coming out. I'm scared to look at that. He is quite shirtless in all these movies. But in all the other lads, the same lads from the first time around. I believe so, yeah. Who are we talking? Scared to look at that as well. Yeah, exactly.

They keep adding people too. Like Harrison Ford showed up in one. He did not. He did, yeah. I forgot. He was like, they look like they're having fun. How come I can't do it? It's like when Frank Sinatra wanted to be in the Cannonball Run movie.

Is Mickey work in the Expendables? He's got to be. He must be. Got to be. Do you remember, by the way, Frank Sinatra in the Cannonball Run 2? In the credits, he, first of all, Frank Sinatra filmed all of his scenes on a totally different day than anyone else, as you can tell. Because he's sitting behind a desk and then Sammy Davis Jr. is across the desk from him

and they never interact at all. And then during the outtakes at the end where everyone's laughing and the bloopers, they're having a great time, Sammy Davis Jr. is going off and forgets his lines and says, there were whatever the fuck and he's bleeped or whatever. And then it cuts to Frank Sinatra just sitting there behind the desk on a totally different day going, ha, ha, ha, ha. They cut it in there, trying to make people think that he was there. I feel like when you manufacture a blooper, that's one of the worst sins you can commit

because bloopers are sacred. Okay, don't watch the Between Two Ferns movie then. Why is that? Did you fake some bloopers? We may have faked a couple of bloopers. I mean, if you're faking a blooper like Toy Story style, that's fine. Right. But I mean, if you're trying to really convince people this was a blooper that happened, I

don't like that. I don't want people combing through the Between Two Ferns movie and looking for whatever blooper happens to be fake. The creme de la creme of bloopers? Yes. News bloopers. Yes. Well, you know, every, what time of year do they come out?

Because I feel like it was in May or something. November. November they come out? No, because a friend of mine and I are constantly pinged on Twitter whenever they come out because they know that we enjoy them so much. I wonder if your friend might have muted that account. Okay, maybe. We don't get those.

You don't get news bloopers? I got to say that. That's too bad. They're so good. Sharon, nice to meet you. My name's Original Fig. Hey, nice to meet you too. Scott, thanks for having me back.

I like your cravat. Oh, thank you very much. I don't usually do this. Yeah. But I thought this is a special occasion to be back in the studio. So I thought I'd like dress it up a little bit. I mean, I saw you on the tour this summer. That's right.

But this is your first time ever being in the studio? No, we met in the studio. We did. Yeah. I love meeting in a studio. I think we were sitting in these exact same chairs. Yeah, that's how Sharon and I just met. In a studio.

I watched it happen. You did. It was incredible. So please explain yourself to Sharon if you don't mind. Very simply. Yeah. We're in a liquor store called Gethsemane liquor and scratcher. We sell top shelf.

That's based upon the garden, by the way. Gethsemane, by the way, a song that Dave Finkel sang in Jesus Christ Superstar. Wow. That's right. Now I'm not religious. Right. That's not why I chose that name. I'm a big fan of true crime.

So that's why I love the New Testament. Because he's one of the original murder victims. I feel like it's one of the earliest examples of true crime. I cannot read the Bible without hearing donk, donk. Yeah. Right? Isn't that fun? What if Lenny Briscoe was in the Bible?

That would be great. What if it was part of the Munchiverse? No one's approached that because there's been films of Bibles. I mean, especially the big one. Yes. Which one are we talking about? Well, Jesus of Nazareth and his whole demise. Oh, I thought you meant one of the biggest films.

Jesus of Nazareth, everything that happened to him. His whole 33 years of drama. But it would be fun to shoot it sort of, you know. Like a procedural. Yeah. Really? Like a CSI where you see the spear going into his. Up the tent.

Even though we all know what's going to happen. Yeah. If you did it, if you filmed it in that, you know, you have to get the right director. You're pitching yourself for the job. I like this. This is why I want to manage you. Because you have that go get him out. Just spirit.

Up for anything. Yeah. So you own and run this liquor store. That's right. Which is like the hub of the neighborhood. Everybody's there all the time. It's where, you know, politics gets discussed. It's where everybody gets their news from.

And you guys do stage production there as well. We do stage productions there as well. We do plays. We've done a few musicals. It's a repertory theater, essentially. Kind of, yes. All the people in the neighborhood. But we do get some, some big names come in.

Right. Oh my God. Who do we just have? Marga Martindale was just in. Really? She's incredible. Yeah. She's terrific.

We did. We did the three sisters. Chekhov's three sisters? Yeah. That's right. Who were the other two? It was. Oh, this is embarrassed.

I can't believe I can't remember her name from Titanic. She was the mom. Kate Winslow. Related to Clint Eastwood. No, she was not the mom. I'm talking about. She was not the mom. The mom of, she was not the mom.

Oh, Cathy Bates. No, but she was in it too. Oh, okay. It was Cathy Bates. Marga Martindale. So this is like a Titanic reunion. And she was also on CSI. Marga Helgenberger.

Of course. Wow. Of course. What a cast. Incredible. I feel like I blocked her name out because I would say in my mind, don't say hamburger because I was, I was, I, you know, It would be harder not to say Marge.

Well, it's one of those things where no Marga got a lock on because of Margaritas. Margaritas, yeah. That's right. We sell Margaritas. And. Pre-made? We sell pre-made.

We sell the kits. You sell the ingredients. We sell the ingredients, however, whatever, how much, how much time you got to make a margarita? Zero? Or all the time we got you covered. So I was, I would see her as I had Marga and I would, I would say like, don't say hamburger.

When she walks in, would you go Marg? Like Norm from tears? Well, she wasn't here that often. Okay. Can I just ask a quick question? Sure. Yeah. But where, where did the,

where did the theatrical productions take place? They take place at the far end of the store where there's a clear area. Do you do a makeshift stage with like cases of beer sort of? No, we have, we have like a nice little stage. Oh. I mean, on top of cases of beer, yes. Okay. But we don't have a lot of beer customers.

So that's, you know, mostly it's. A lot of hard drinkers? A lot of hard drinkers. We have top shelf liquor and off brand snacks. And of course, scratchers. Yes, that's right. And those are the, those are top shelf scratchers or, are there different types of scratchers which are good or bad?

I mean, scratchers or scratchers, they cost, they cost the same. We do have some. Scratchers. Scratchers. So why should it be? But we will design our own scratchers sometimes. Oh, you will? Yeah, of course.

Oh, that's fun. I mean, it's basically it's just a vehicle to scratch it off with the coin and then you see what you want. Don't ever, don't ever put a prize of like a million dollars in there. Well, we don't determine the prices. Oh, okay. I'm saying, I thought you were making your own scratchers that you were dispensing the price.

We have a deal with a lottery commission where we can design the outside. They determine what the prices are. So you get to do the outside. They get to do the inside. That's right. Wow. Yeah. And so like we designed like a La Pieta where you scratch away different parts of,

you know, the figure of Christ and the Holy Mother. It sounds like you are religious. I swear to God, I'm not. We do like the last supper where you scratch off the heads. All the heads. That's where they eat. Well, not, you don't scratch them all off because then, you know, you can only scratch off so many.

And if you don't win, like in the, in the third one, the fifth one, you didn't win. Right. Okay. Got it. So who do you, who's the, who do you scratch off first? Like, is there a strategy? Like, do you go to Jesus? That's up to the customer.

If it were me, I don't know if I'd be able to help myself from scratching off Judas first. Get him out of here. So this is incredible. By the way, what production do you have going on? When we talked to you on the tour, there was something interesting, but I bet it's closed. Yeah, right. That's closed by now.

I mean, I don't remember. We got stuff coming in and out. Yeah. We're gearing up to do Danny in a deep blue sea. Wow. Holiday sewer coming up. Yeah. Bradley Cooper is going to come down and do that.

Bradley Cooper. Yep. Wow. That's amazing. We got Bradley Cooper and then one of the people from the neighborhood. He's so hard to get. I mean, I couldn't even. We caught him at the right time.

We caught him at the right time. Wow. And he's like, you know, he loves a theater and he's like, yeah, let me get it. It's like a limited run. It's only like three nights. So for him, it's not. That's a lot of learning for three nights. Absolutely.

Do you have teleprompters or? We do have teleprompters. Yeah. It's nice to have, it's nice that it's three nights because then they can do a film or, you know, they can do a limited series or something. Yeah, that's right. That's right. You know, I have a client who would like to maybe do something like this.

And you're looking at her right now. You're working together? We're working together now. It's only just, I mean, let's call it, let's call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just giving it a go. Yeah. No one sign nothing.

What's your, what role do you want to do? Like your dream role? What? No. I didn't say what, what's your name? What role do you want to do? In resistance? No, no, of any play.

You can call your shot right now. Shoot your shot. Old man in the sea or something. You want to do the old man in the sea? Yeah, I don't know. Really? That's the actor's dream. A cast of one, even cast away had other people in it.

But old man in the sea is just you and maybe an animatronic fish. Oh, by the way, I have a very important question that I need to ask you. Do you own a briefcase? Thank you. Thank you. I do. Whoa. Can I ask another one?

Absolutely. Do you put your lunch in it? Close. You put your lunch close to your briefcase? What I put in the briefcase is as many beef steak tomatoes as I can fit in that. Why? Because I love spaghetti sauce. Sure.

I love to make it myself. Sure, but do you have the time? I love to make it in front of other people. Right. Okay. So just you carrying the briefcase to work, does it turn into spaghetti sauce? No, I have to make it. Oh, once you get to the place.

It's not a magic briefcase, just regular. Not just the sloshing around, I would say. You know, just put some pepper in there. Well, do you think I'm running everywhere? I don't know what you do. Also, do you think just jostling tomatoes turns them into tomatoes? No, I don't know what your lifestyle is. Scott, we like each other.

We like each other. Okay, we are. We got to remind you. I'm not trying to make fun of you. Okay. Well, this is incredible. So the holidays are coming up. Let me tell you why I'm here.

And I appreciate you let me come back on because when we saw each other. My pleasure. On your tour. What city were we in? I don't remember. I don't remember. And here's why. I was in, I had some health problems and that's why I didn't sound like myself.

No. I've realized after the show. When you were listening back. I was listening back. Did that clue you in that you had health problems? Actually, you know what? I realized it. I realized it towards the end of that show.

I was like, oh, I don't sound like me. And here's what happened is that and I had to change policy at the store. People were scratching off so many scratchers in front of me. I inhaled too much of the dust. No. Too much of that silver dust. What is that made of? Asbestos.

The doctor says it's a combination of glue, silver glitter and fluoride. I can't get it in your throat. And of course, I don't have a protective flap in my throat anymore. No. Because I had my tonsils taken out when I was a kid. Oh, is the uvula protective flap? No. No.

What does it do? It's there so you can have vibrato. One of the only body parts made just for singing. It's only function. Wow. So you were, you listened to yourself back and you said, I need to get to a doctor. I had to go to a doctor. So they all clear now?

They clean me out. Yeah. How do they do it? Put a big toilet brush down there? What do they do? Kind of. I mean, you're not far off. It is like a tool that, you know how you have those, like if you want to clean it inside

of a bottle. Yeah. You got one of those long things. Like pipe cleaners. Yeah. Yeah. And that's exactly what they call it. A pipe cleaner.

Yeah. Because it cleans pipes. Right. Yeah. And so, but we think that when you hear the word pipe cleaner, you think of arts and crafts. Yeah, exactly. Because no one ever cleans pipes. Cleansing stuff.

No. It's like, this is like a long handled brush that sort of looks like a toilet brush, but of course the bristles are smaller because it's not going in the mouth of the toilet, as I call it. I don't know what you call it, but I call it the mouth of the toilet. Are we talking about a body part right now? I call it the neck of the toilet. I know that makes more sense, but I still think of it as the mouth.

It's as a big mouth. The toilet. Yeah. That's just going. That's the nice way to think about it. It should be the toilet throat, of course. The throat. The throat.

Yeah. The toilet. And so the doctor. Did that hurt? It hurt a lot. Were you under general anesthesia? I was in the twilight sleep. They gave me a propofol.

Nice. Nice. And I could see everything that was going on. You could see everything. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was, I was not wide awake, but I was kind of awake. And I was, I thought I was hilarious. And, but when they put it in, they showed it to me. They said, we're going to put this in your throat and move it around. And I said, all right. I feel like the doctor was taking a little bit of advantage of me because the way he was talking to me was not very doctorly.

You know what I mean? He was like, see this, see this? I'm going to stick it in your throat and move it around. It was like taunting you. It was. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I know. That's why I'm here.

And then he said, I'm fucking with you. And then we both had a good laugh. Fucking with you. You had something you don't want your doctor to say. We both had a good laugh. But here's what they, so instead of that, what they did was it's basically a fireplace bellows. And they just like, like blew it into my throat.

What? Like, like one of those things that you see Burt from Mary Poppins have? Doesn't he have one of those? Or do the chimney sweeps have one? He should. I mean, he was a chimney sweep. Burt should have like a utility belt like Batman, shouldn't he? Agreed.

Even then, I bet they didn't get all the glitter. No, there's still some in there. Yeah. And I can see it, you know, and I brush my teeth. Well, also as you've been talking, there's just been a steady cloud coming out of glit. It's all right. It looks lovely. You know, breathe shallow breaths, everybody.

Okay. You don't want this. That's not good. Oh, no. So why are you here? You just to tell me that? I just wanted to clear that up because if anybody was wondering, and I don't, it's not like anyone said anything.

I never heard anything about it. But yeah, I just want people to know that this is what I sound like. This is what you said? Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't sound like myself on a tour. It's quite all right. I didn't notice.

So, I mean, we've only met maybe three times at this point. I think so. This might be our fourth time. Yeah, this might be our fourth time. So, you know, I wasn't really keeping track of how you sound from appearance to appearance. Yeah. But we got some new, also a little plug. We got some new snacks in the store.

Really? Now, you know, Sharon's very into this. I like this. I love snacks. Everyone loves snacks. You do. What's your favorite snack? Well, any kind of, well, you call it chips.

We say crisps. Of course. That's the basic lift and elevator. I know those. Yeah. Any kind of crisps. And then I like jerky. Jerky, really?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Like a meat jerky? Any meat or fish. A spicy fish. A spicy in there. No spicy jerky.

But a spice on my jerky. I don't know that fish jerky is popular here in the States. Really? That's so crazy. It's massive back home. Really? Massive. It's interesting when you go to another country and you look at the disgusting things they

eat. We went to Canada on the tour. And we were in Detroit one second and then in Canada and we went to a liquor store the second we got into Canada, just the grossest shit. What are you? Yeah. Like, what'd you see? I mean, just the crisps flavors and...

How are they gross? I don't know. Just, you know, like flavor combinations that... Because they were different? Yes. They were different. They were gross. So, the new snacks.

What do you got? Yeah. Now, you know, we got... All the snacks are... They look sort of like the snacks you know, but they're off-brand. And yes, we passed the savings on to you. You keep some of the savings though. Yeah.

Some of them. Yeah. Well, I mean, I make a profit on... Yeah. But you don't make the exact same profit that you would if they were regular snacks. Here's what it is. You get a bigger profit. I...

Of course, I'll make a profit. Yeah. Let's break down the phrase and we pass the savings on to you. Okay. I'm saving money. Yes. By buying these off-brand snacks. Right.

Then, I'm selling them to you at a reduced price. But what my point is, say there's a bag of chips that are $5 that are lays. Right. Right. You buy them for... Are you telling me you don't like grays? That's your version of grays? That's right.

Are the chips gray? The chips are not gray per se, but the bag is gray. The bag is gray. Okay. But say you buy lays. Those don't move. I got to say it. I think it is the packaging.

It's the title as well. Yeah. Say you buy lays for $2 and sell them for $5. Right? Ridiculous. I would never do it. Why? All right.

Bring it out. You know you could do those. No, I didn't mean to shut you down. If I was involved in your business, I know very little about you. It's a good side hustle for you. I want to encourage you as your manager. If it's how many have you bought, you bulk bought grays. Yeah.

Okay. You got a lot and you're not shifting them. Tons. I put them out in little bowls because that feels like the kind of place it is anyway, just like put some bowls of gray out and see. Do you know what Sharon? I like that. Yeah.

And I think I would also put them in a gray bowl. Also, halftime, I think it's called halftime between the first bit of the play and the second bit of the play. It depends on the sport. Yeah. I believe that's the case for basketball and football. That's right. Not for baseball.

Not for baseball. Although they have the seventh inning stretch. Seventh inning stretch. That's right. Take me out to the ball game. Take me. It's a song we sing. Yeah.

Because baseball has nine innings. The seventh inning in between. They know that the game should end out at seven. Right. Everyone agrees. Baseball is way too long. Nothing happens. And they go, look, this should be over.

That's the beauty of it. This should be over. But instead, we're going to get everyone up on their feet, sing a dumb song, and that will at least get the blood rushing through. You've been sitting for hours. I mean, it's like seven hours at this point. And then you get up and you get to sing a song. But here's why baseball is a great sport.

You can get so much done while you're watching a baseball game. That's right. And it doesn't matter if you're at home, if you're at the stadium, you can multitask like nobody's business. You can make deals. Yeah. You could be rolling calls. Absolutely.

All right. So what's the name of snack you like? And I'll tell you. OK. The snack that we have that's just as good, but for a lower price. OK. M&Ms. M&Ms.

Do you like O&Os? O&Os. What are the O's stand for? I guess O? O like. What did the M&M stand for? Mars and Murray, my good fellow. Oh, right.

So this should be the makers. It's O. Makers of a candy snack. Like. Were you singing that to the tune of owner of only hard? Of course, yes. OK. OK.

O&Os. Are just like M&Ms except and they taste exactly the same except the shell is on the inside and the chocolate's on the outside. What? The melty part is on the outside? Melty in your hand, not in your mouth. OK.

Do you have another favorite snack here? Like a scotch egg. It's a good snack. Scotch egg. Can you do that? We do. We have a thing called a Welsh egg. Which is essentially a drag.

It's like an ostrich egg. That is pickled and brined and it looks like a dragon's egg because of the Welsh flag. Wow. So it's a gigantic. How much are those? Pickled and brined egg. But it's covered in sausage.

No, it's covered in wrinkles. It looks like scales. OK. It's covered in fish scales. Gigantic egg. It must cost. It's five dollars. It's only five dollars?

Five dollars. A steal. I don't believe that's a real ostrich egg. It is. Well, I mean, look. Is there an ostrich farm? All ostriches are not created equal. OK.

Wow. So it's not premium ostrich. OK. So it's off-brand ostrich, almost. It's off-brand ostrich. It's an E-move. Ostrich jerky. My, as a side, you know, hustle could.

Yeah. It was like as long as one of those legs. I had a friend, by the way, whose father was obsessed. Like at Disneyland, you could tell. This friend's father was obsessed with E-muse, and he was saying it was the meat of the future. Why? And he was going to start a farm,

because he's like, everyone's going to be eating them. They weren't going to transition out of beef. How long ago was this? This is 25 years or so ago. It still could be. Still could happen. The future is not here yet. What's the flavor?

Why does it taste like the meat of the future? I guess, well, there was a point where there was a burger place down the street from here that was selling ostrich burgers. That was trying to get that going. I remember. And they were like, it was leaner. You know the place.

And it was leaner, and it's like. Leaner. Greener. Yeah. Do you have another favorite snack? Twizzlers. Twizzlers. Twizzlers.

Big debate. Twizzlers versus red vines. People are divided on this. Twizzlers is more fun. It's more fun to say. Red vines, though. Very fanciful idea. That's true.

I mean, Tarzan, he swings on green vines. Can you imagine if he swung on red vines? Can you imagine Tarzan? He's swinging around. He's saying hi to the apes. Suddenly he grabs a vine and it's like red. And he's like going. He sticks it in his mouth.

And he's like, I'm, I could get used to this. Okay. So if you like Twizzlers. Love them. We got your car. Frazzlers. Frazzlers. Yes.

They're called Frazzlers. It tastes just like Twizzlers, but the bag is very hard to open. Sounds like Twizzlers. Do you have a hard time with Twizzlers? I have a hard time. Yeah. I have arthritis.

Oh no. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry too. Have you tried buffering? Oh no. I got to try that. Do you have operant buffering, by the way? No.

We just got buffering. Okay. Buffering feels like an operant. Integrate aspirin wars of the 80s. Yeah. Well, Fig, it's great to have you here. No, we're done with me. Okay.

We are done with you, but I got that briefcase question, which covered that. Can you stick around? We'll stick around. Yeah, we have a comedian on next. Do you like comedy? Love comedy. Who's your favorite comedian?

Probably Shakespeare in Summer Night's Dream. He's the original. Nothing funnier. Nothing better than. I haven't seen anything funnier since the first time I saw him in Summer Night's Dream. Oh, so funny. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

So good. All right. Well, we have a comedian coming up, and we have the great Sharon Horgan is here, and original Fig. We're going to come right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Green sticks.

That's the red vine soft brand. Thank you. Comedy bang bang, we're back. Sharon Horgan is here. Bad sisters. The worst sisters. Well, they're good sisters, really. I mean, they're good as sisters,

but they're bad in terms of the law's view on their actions. True, on their bad murder. That's true. But yeah. Do you want to pitch on a sequel on a second season? Well, I'm just thinking like, because they are good sisters, but it's called bad sisters.

That's like if John Wayne Gacy's bad son. Yeah. Like he's somebody's son. Or like Dahmer was like Goodmer. What? I don't know. But it would be weird. You got to admit that.

If they called Dahmer Goodmer, it would be weird. Agreed. I mean, look. But that is another show. I mean, I feel like it's a very friendly name for a sitcom character. It is.

It sounds like Kramer almost. Yeah, he just works at a zoo. And things aren't great at home. Things are great at the zoo. Great at the zoo. All right. Well, we need to get to our next guest. Oh boy.

We met him in Minneapolis, Minnesota, on the tour, the first night of the tour. He came out and he entertained the crowd. You like comedy, by the way, Sharon? No. Good. Good. All right.

You can tune out for this segment then. Here he is. He's back. Please welcome back Weed Seinfeld. What's the deal with weed? I mean, why do we call this stuff weed? It should be fun. I think we should call it weed.

Like my ex-wife used to say, get that D out of here. All right. Weed Seinfeld is here. Is that a new joke? Yeah. That's my new one. One new one every time. You only had two jokes to begin with.

Right. On the last time we saw you. I didn't know I had a second one. Yeah. I tell you what. He came up with a good one. Yeah. I came up with one.

I crushed one when we saw it. I've been touring all around. If you don't know, my brother, Jerry Seinfeld, very famous comedian. Perhaps you know of him. He saw a guy walking down the street with a hard hat at 8 in the morning. He said, that guy goes and writes jokes every day. I'm going to go do that. And I said, not me.

Tell him when you're famous. I'm going to use your name and try to get famous myself. So that's what I'm doing. What story is this? He saw a guy with a hard hat. He never heard the Seinfeld story. That guy writes jokes every day? What?

Well, I was asleep. I didn't exactly. That's all. That's what I imagined had happened. I think it was that Seinfeld likened it to a job where you would go and do it every day. Yeah. He didn't think the guy wearing the hard hat was writing jokes every day. He thought it was a funny hat.

Oh, guy with a funny hat. He must be going to write funny jokes. See, I think your brother's story totally wrong. Funny idea. Oh, that's all I heard. So now, he got famous enough. I took his last name. It's my last name too.

I didn't take it, I suppose, but put something popular in front of it. I'm out there trying to make money. When did you start doing? Is it stand-up comedy you do? It is, yeah. I go out and tell jokes. It's what my brother does. So I've tried to do the same thing.

The hard thing is I usually do terrible. Yours was the first show I've ever done well at. You did really, really well. I think you had us propping you up. That's a big part. Maybe that's encouraging you to write a second joke. That was a big part of it. Perhaps maybe that's why mothers don't go so well.

I've been touring all these colleges. No one laughs at anything I say. What was the first joke? The last time? Yeah, yeah. What was the one you came out with? What's the deal with weed? Very similar to the joke you just wrote.

Why do they call this stuff weed? A weed is an unwanted plant. I'm paying 40 bucks for it. I want it. Good. Great stuff. Yeah. But then you ended.

Well, yeah, of course. Then you sat down. I said thank you very much. The second joke is the same premise, right? Yeah, it starts the same. Why is it called weed? What's the deal with weed? OK, bye.

What's the deal with bong rips? Here we go. Why are we ripping bongs? This is a fun activity. We should call them bong hugs. I want to be hugging this stuff. So anyway, you guys are dying. I'm crushing it here.

Don't think I can tell. I go play these colleges. No one's laughing. And I don't get it. Yeah, because you had such. Yeah, sorry. No, I'm just, I don't really get. No, no, no, but I'm sorry.

OK, you go. But what if we all talk at the same time? You go. OK, on three, let's all talk at the same time. OK. Three, two, one. So why do you? You don't seem really bad.

I'm wondering why you still do it as a job. OK, I heard one of those. It hurt my feelings. But I will respond. Because, yeah, I guess the reason I'm doing it is because I'm trying to make money off my brother's name. Right. You know?

And so, like, if he was a famous architect, I'd architect stuff. Yeah. You know? But how do you survive? Like, how do you make? Because I can't imagine you get too many bookings. Or do you? Yeah, oh, yeah.

Because of the name. You get the initial bookings. Yeah, you get. You see, Weed Seinfeld's coming to your college. Well, kids love Weed. And you get paid up front, I would imagine. I get paid up front. So even if you're never asked back.

And that's happening. But again, I cannot tell you how well it went with you. And so I figured I got to come back here. I got to get with the Scott man. I got to get hooked up. Because these kids, the only reason I could tell they're not laughing at my jokes, cancel culture. It's got to be cancel culture, right?

I don't know about cancel culture. I'm a 70-year-old man telling jokes. I forgot that aspect of you. You're 70. I'm older. I'm his older brother. Yeah. I'm his older brother.

Older, less cool. Well, it's up for debate. See those pictures of him recently? Very cool. Very cool pics. I thought. Did you do anything before you got into comedy? Lots of stuff.

Oh, yeah. I tried. Whatever he was trying, I tried. You know? Unfortunately, he got out of comedy pretty early. He really liked it. You know, if he was an architect named Jerry Seinfeld. Right?

Did you call yourself architecture Seinfeld? Oh, no. I think I'd stick with weed. It's a popular thing that I think people like talking about right now. Okay. Hey, here's something. What's the deal? Weed is so popular, right?

You're trading into Jay Leno's territory. All right. Here's something, by the way. All right. Then I'll stick to what I know. What's the deal with weed? It's so popular. Even CBD is making money.

That's crazy. People are selling CBD. That'd be like, if beer got popular, people started selling barley. I don't see that happening. This is a good joke. That's weird. I had a good joke. This is not bad.

Did you do this? For that one. Okay. I'll start with that one. Why do we call it pot? What's the deal with pot? You're back to why do we call things? I really liked the CBD one because it got into...

Why do you call things this is pretty surface level. All right. I'll mix it up. What's the deal with these weed stores? Yeah. Here we go. These weed stores. Why go into what it looks like an Apple store?

I'm not trying to buy a MacBook Pro. I'm trying to get high, bro. What's the deal with that store? All this information in there, they got all the numbers. They got percentages. 150% of this, 87% of that. What's going on? Is this a weed store or a chemistry class?

You sound like you're in distress. I'm not doing well. You sound like someone's shaking you. Let me tell you. I'm living in the throat of a toilet and I'm eating oats and greys. Non-stop. I got booked on a bunch of colleges. I did great and now no one's booking me so I'm hanging out and the door opened and I came in here.

Well, it's good to have you. It's great to be here. You're one of my favorite comedians of all time. Thank you. I hate comedy. Oh, great. I'm about one for four, I'd say, today. You did like one.

I liked two. I liked the one you started with, too. Okay. I could continue on. Do you write when is your process? Because it seems to me this is part of your issue. You come in with one joke and then you write in the room only at our urging. Well, here's maybe what you don't understand about me.

I don't want to work hard. I just want money given to me, right? Okay. And so that's kind of the life I'm living. When you were doing these college shows and you're talking about being canceled, cancel culture, how long of a set would you do before you got off stage? I do my first joke. I sit down ready for questions.

Questions. Yeah, because that's what this thing went. This went great. These kids. That's a mark of a good comedy show, a long Q and A. Well, I watch what's on TikTok now. It's all people interviewing the audience anyway. I figure, I don't even got to be funny.

Kids don't even have to laugh. I can put captions down below and say whatever it was. I can just say there. I'm crushing. So you felt like people weren't laughing because of counterculture. Cancel. Cancel culture. Counterculture.

That's a different problem. When you sit down for questions, would you get any questions? Or? Yeah. Why don't you stop? We're here for a comedy show. Why did you not continue? Did they laugh at the first joke?

Not many. No. Not many. But some. Some the setup. Some. They laughed at the setup. I think people in the back probably thought I might have actually been Jerry Seinfeld.

Oh. Because it's a similar setup. How far back were they sitting? Pretty different. But well, pretty far back. I tried packing. So out of the air shot even? Yeah.

Well, some people think we sound a little similar. But you're considerably taller than Jerry Seinfeld. Very much taller. Yeah. I'm two Jerry's stacked on top of each other. It's made it hard. Can I ask another question? I love it.

I love it. The first one hurt my feelings. See if this one. Compliment sandwich perhaps. One positive thing, one negative and another positive. What are your plans for the future? Are you interested in movies or are you more TV kind of? I am interested in it all.

And I got ideas. Yeah? Yeah. I've pitched up to Spielberg. He made all of them already. I pitched TV show ideas to Jerry. I said play a book, make noise in between scenes. That was your big idea?

Yeah. To do the bass sounds in between the scenes? I wasn't specific enough to say that. You just said make noise. I said make some noise. Like what noises were you thinking of? Like a cough perhaps. Maybe someone saying excuse me.

You know? And then you go to the next scene. That's fine. Who's that person? Would you be interested in reading a screenplay for an animated film called Worm Film? I would love to. Okay. Do you have one?

Have you written this? I did. I saw a B movie and I was like I've got to knock it off. You're mainly interested in doing off-brand anything then? Well, it's more, I just want to make it easier for people. Right. Right. You want to pass the savings on.

Except for Lickers Concert. Lickers Concert. Lickers is full price. And it's marked up like you wouldn't believe. Right. But I do. But snacks are like everybody loves snacks and everybody loves the movies. And I was like, well what if there was a movie for kids that I could sell to parents at a

way reduced rate? Because these kids watch these movies over and over again. Of course. What's the plot of Worm Film if you don't mind me asking? Well, humans find out that worms can talk to each other. Oh no. So this is like a horror. The first act is the day they find out worms can talk to each other.

The first minute. The first minute. Really? So there's no small talk. Is that, does that say a little bit? The movie's seven minutes long. Close to B Movie. Close.

It sounds just close enough. Just close enough. Got you. Is there a strange HIV joke in your film as well? Just like B Movie. There's a few. I wouldn't call them strange. All right.

This sounds right up my alley. Yeah. I love it. Let's do it. Seven minute script. That's something I'll read. Is that what you said? Seven minutes.

All right. That's about my attention span. Great. I will send you the two pages later today. All right. Look at this. It's seven minutes, but it's only two pages. Are these like packed with exposition?

There's a lot of exposition. There's a lot of like, you get the idea. Like we're all right. You'll go do et cetera, et cetera. The worms look at each other and give each other a rise smile. You get the idea. Right. And then we're at a different place.

Also very tiny font. Very tiny font. What do you mean at one point? I use Bookman Old at Two. Two. Wow. Bookman Old. Oh man.

It's got to be hard to read. I would think. It's actually easier than you think because it's a serif font. So you can really tell the difference between the letters. Yeah. How long do you think you could get away with just doing regular emails with Calypso? How long could I get away with it? Before someone said fake, you know, let's go back to.

Oh, right, right, right. Aerial Times New Roman. Oh, so I'm writing my emails. Yeah. Ten minutes. I'm emailing back and forth all day long. Really? You're just sending out emails.

Receiving them. Send them. Receiving them. I watch a lot of baseball. So you got to fill your time. Get a lot done. And I leave my notifications on. So the people next to me, they hate the noise.

But after a while, it becomes like a little song. Yeah. Do you have the baseball players ever? I feel like we're cutting into weeds time. Well, you know what? Almost out of time, unfortunately. Oh, no. I feel like I got to win you over.

I'll give you an opportunity to do one last thing. All right. Oh, it's got to be a joke. I would think so. All right. Let's dig into it. I just want to get ready for it. OK.

OK. Well, what's the deal with all these strains? Why have we got all these weed strains? Why do we call this stuff strain? Again, you're back to it. Why do we call it? I'm trying to relax. I'm not trying to strain.

Why do we call this weed chill? OK. What's the noise? She smiled and nodded politely. I'll take it. I got to give you one note. OK. The word strain will always make me think of those billboards

for that TV show called The Strain, where they showed a worm coming out of an eyeball. Do you think that's a common note? That was the promo for the show. Yeah. But you, again, you were making worm film. So you were kind of attuned to any competing worm project. That's true.

I had worms on the brain. Worms in your brain. Yes. And they put me on a propofol. And then they took them out. But I feel like it will conjure up memories of that billboard people get angry. You think other people will remember with that?

I think most people would remember it. All right. One note. You got a note? On that last joke. Oh, anything. Yeah. No.

The whole, my life. I think, I mean, I think you should give up. OK. Or, or, or, as your manager, what if you both went on tour together? Sharon, you could do the front half of the show. Yeah. And, you know, you could do, do the stuff that you did, you know, when you were coming up, you know, and then.

I think I'm going to be busy doing my one woman show, run at Figs, hopefully if we can make a deal, work there with the old man on the sea. Sharon, we'd love to have you do, we've never done a stage version of old man on the sea. I don't know that anyone has. But, or anyone should. Our, our stage is yours.

We'll figure it out. New Year's Day. Anytime. I've been looking for an opportunity to flood the store. Why? Well, I wanted to do Waterworld for a long time. Waterworld, the stunt show. Yeah.

I was like, oh, I want to do that. Yeah. That's a good one. All right. Well, we are running out of time, guys. I'm sorry, wheat time, to give you such short shrift. I feel like you deserve it. Why do you drive on a parkway but park on the grass?

I'm trying to get high. Pass that wheat over here. All right. All right. We only have time for one final feature. And that is, of course, a little something called plugs. Every guest has their plug. Just like every host has their plug back.

Just like every cowboy kills a Frankenstein. Every guest has their plug. Ooh, beautiful. That was Every Guest Has Their Plug by Anna Mack. Anna Mack. Thank you, Anna Mack. That was gorgeous. What do we want to plug Sharon?

Obviously, we have Bat Sisters on Apple TV Plus. Yeah. What else is coming down the pipeline? Oh. People should catch up on your old shows. Catastrophe is fantastic. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Catch up on the old shows. Game night. Yeah. Watch Game Night again. That's a great film. Watch Unbearable Weight of Master Talent again. Yeah. Do that.

Sure. But there's got to be something on the horizon. Well, on the horizon. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not out for a while. I feel weird about plugging something that's not out for a while. You know, like BBC. BBC, OK.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm sorry. I'd love to. Just turn on the BBC. Yeah. Leave it on.

You'll show up eventually. Exactly. That's exactly what's going to happen. Fantastic. But Watch Bat Sisters, all 10 episodes out right now. And if you're lucky, you could be watching the same one that I watch at the same time as me, because I'm going to be watching four through 10 very soon. A chill just went down my spine.

What a freaky scenario. Isn't that crazy? You're watching at the same exact time as somebody else that you are listening to on a podcast. That'd be so crazy. Fig, what do you want to plug here? I just want to let people know that this is what I sound like. Good.

And I don't sound like what I sounded like before. Right. OK, good. And he shows coming up that you're interested in going to see. I mean, obviously, Varietopia y'all will have already elapsed. That's right. Yeah, I was looking to see that show. I'm going to say if you're in the New York area.

New York area, yeah. Yeah, I think it's the 18th and the 19th. December? Of November. November. Varietopia at the Bell House. Yes. Whole weekend.

It's going to be good. Yeah, people should go to that. Also, are you not going to be in New York? Are you now or will you ever be in New York? In December? Why? Am I? I don't know.

I'll talk to you about it later. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. Yeah, I'm sorry. Hey, that's all right. Hey, we like each other. We like each other. We're friends. WeedSign found what do you want to plug?

I got a book for one more show. Holy shit improv. If you've ever done it, it's a weekly show in Los Angeles. Great comedians. All of your favorite comedy bang bang regulars have performed there. Check it out. Holy shit improv on Instagram. And you can watch any past show featuring the likes of Lord Lapkus,

Big Grande, Carthorne, anyone at patreon.com slash holy shit improv. All right. You should also come see my store. We got a goddamn it scripted. Okay. That's an off brand version of holy shit improv. We just do transcripts of holy shit improv. Transcripts.

Who's doing the transcripts? The same people who did the over show? I'll never tell. Oh, the Brittany Murphy. Yeah. All right. I want to plug. First of all, the comedy bang bang book coming out in April, guys.

Okay. Here's what happened. All of the signed copies sold out. It's such you guys are going to make it Rockets number one on the best seller list. I truly believe that because they all sold out within the first day. So then I did the dumb thing where I said to the publisher, okay, I'll sign as many copies as anyone wants to buy. And so they just now are basically selling just as many as you want to buy.

So it's going to be 10,000, 20,000 that I have to sign. I don't know. I have no idea. Why would you do that? I don't know. Because I want to get, I feel bad that people are not going to get a signed copy. How long does it take to sign 10,000 books? I don't know.

I don't know. Do you get really sloppy at the end? Are you just like doing an X? Let's see. During the tour, we signed about 2,500 posters. And I think by the end, yeah, it got pretty sloppy. Is that how you got your arthritis? Yes, that is.

Are you worried that if people have your signature, they'll steal your identity? Yeah, I'm very worried about that. Because I also write down my birthday, my first pet's name. You shouldn't do that. Yeah, I know. But go, if you want to order one, you can get them from Barnes & Noble and also from Indigo up in Canada. Go to CBBworld.com for that.

And then here's an interesting announcement about the tour that we've been talking about. Okay, so if you went to the VIP Q&A beforehand, we took a picture and we said we had no idea how we were getting this to you. And my agent had said, oh yeah, there's a website that you need to upload those to you. I'll get that to you. He finally got back to me and said, I have no idea. Just put them up on your own website. So go to CBBworld.com slash VIP photos.

And you can see weird, awkward photos of Paul F. Tompkins and myself standing in front of 23 different crowds. Can I have a free book? And a free book? What? No, not a free book. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Take one hand, put it up.

Oh no. Take the other, put it down. Oh no. Oh no. Open up the plug bag. When you open up the plug bag, you open up your heart. Close it, but don't close it. Close it, but don't close it.

Open up, open up, open up. Oh no. Ooh, that was great. That was plug is the word by King Love Duck Electricity. Thank you, King Love Duck Electricity. Wonderful remix. Boy, such great remixes this year. We're going to have to vote on your favorite ones at the end of the year, I think, for

the poll. Guys, I want to thank you so much. First of all, Sharon. So wonderful to meet you. A big fan of your work. And I hope that next thing that comes out on BBC, I can't wait for it. I'm going to finish this thing first. But man, I hope you had a good time.

I had a great time. Thank you. Are you going to be in an Agatha Christie? Just tell us. Yeah. Is it the Agatha Christie thing? The Kenneth Branagh thing? It's not that.

No, it's not. No. He didn't see you in this murdering people ago. You're going to be in a frost. I wish I'd have been asked. At least asked. I know. Well, tell you what.

Are you going to be the new Inspector Morse? Tell you what, I'll write to you on Tuesday. Okay. We'll hammer out the agreement. I'm the new Doctor Who. You're in the new? Or you are the new Doctor? I'm the new Doctor Who.

You're Doctor Why? I'm Doctor When. I'll write to you on Tuesday. We'll hammer out the agreement between us. Yeah, that'd be great. I only take 75% or so off the table. I can't remember the idea now, but... Well, I'm your manager now.

Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry. And we'll get you in these murder films. We'll get you in Doctor or whatever. Get me a book deal. Get you the book deal. I'll get you anything. Get me on the student circuit with...

With Weed Seinfeld. Yeah. We'll team you up. Love it. Sorry. Fred, you're here. Yeah, my voice. Yeah, what happened?

We're out a little bit. You don't sound like you anymore. Yeah, it went somewhere, but I'm back, baby. All right. And Fig, great to see you. Good to see you, Scott. We're friends. We like each other.

We're friends. We like each other. We're friends. We like each other. We're friends. We like each other. And you, the listener, we're friends. We like each other.

We'll see you next time. Thanks.