Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Shine The Vinyl (Kristian Bruun, Lily Sullivan, Emily Pendergast)

Episode Date: August 17, 2026

Actor Kristian Bruun is here, promoting either nothing in particular, or an upcoming holiday blockbuster. We honestly can’t tell. He also gives shocking details about why Tatiana Maslany is feuding with him! Big truck lover Kayla Dickie announces a festival that will bring the podcast community together. And first-time guest C.J. Lowry tells about her spicy new on-set career. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hope for the comedy bang bang, bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang. Hope for the future, dream of the past, remove every obstacle, I'm a eat out your ass. with consent. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Ah, yes, thank you to Roe E. Lo for that catchphrase submission. I don't believe I want to say that every episode. I barely wanted to say this episode, quite honestly, but I take them in order, and I say them in order, no matter what they are. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ockerman.

We have an exceptional show for you today. Coming up a little later, we have a girlfriend. Ooh, that's exciting. We also have someone who works in show business. Oh, wow. Well, speaking of show business, here's a guy who ostensibly works in show business, at least on the outskirts. Exclusively. Really? Yeah.

You don't have a side hustle? No side gig. Really? You don't have a wait tables on the side? I don't have a side piece. I don't have a side gig. You don't have a gumon. I don't.

No, I need a gum on. You got to get one, bro. I know. They're amazing. You first have to be in a relationship. I'm not sure. Oh, yeah. I need that.

Ladies. Anybody want a future man with a. Side piece. Um, he, we all know him, of course, from his work on the show, the Murdoch mysteries. Up in Canada. We also know him from Orphan Black. He was on for five seasons of that. Is that right?

Yes. That was 10 years ago. 10 years. Just living off those fat residual checks. And his career has laid fallow. until now. I've done stuff. I've been on this.

He was in the incredible movie Ready or Not. And then I recently watched the sequel Ready or Not 2, and he's not in that. If you watched the first one, I don't know. Clearly you didn't watch it. Oh, you did. I did. I didn't quite make it out. But that's no excuse.

They can bring you back. You know, I know you died in the Murdoch mysteries, but they can bring you back for that somehow. From what I understand at that show, They bring people back in the craziest ways, like a twin brother will come or they've swapped brains. They literally swapped brains. Yes. Yeah. Into another body.

But they will, they refuse to bring me back. They refuse. Is it because you're not a fan favorite? And I'll introduce you in a second. I think my rider is too difficult. Oh, what did you demand on the murder? Separated M&Ms, like by color. You wanted them separated from their shelves, right?

Yes, yes. I want the chocolate taken out. The peanut to be separated from the chocolate from the candy coating. Yeah, exactly. Wow. Well, that's too bad. But he is here promoting exactly zero things. Please welcome back to the show, Christian Brune. Thanks for having me, Scott. My pleasure. Whenever I need an ego boost, I like to come on the show because it makes me feel good about myself. And, you know, it's really nice to just come, like, as a blank canvas. That's right. Yes. And that's what I love. about you because like when I see you in any role I see just a blank canvas that's waiting for a character to get put on it and then the movie ends and I go oh he never did the character part yeah I'm

still waiting for the director to direct me I'm a director's actor and a lot of directors don't know how to direct so right so that's the problem yeah yeah's it well what I mean I do have something to promote you have something what's going on um big fan of AI and I just want to promote AI actors okay great So Tilly Norwood. Yeah, but I was thinking of turning myself into an AI actor so that I can just do more work. Yeah, I mean, that's a great plan. If you have nothing going on, just say your AI and suddenly people will want to put you in things. Yeah, I got to work on my AI performance voice, but other than that, I think I'm...

What do you have? How is it right now? Absolutely. You're doing great. May I suggest we take the scene from halfway through? That way we'll save a lot of footage. film is expensive these days, Mr. Nolan. So your suggestion to Christopher Nolan is to start the scene just halfway through so that... Yeah, to save IMAX film, it's very expensive.

Yeah, but then you'll... Okay, well, all right. I think this is great. Yeah, he loves technology. Why not put AI actors into his... I think there's a big announcement coming soon that his next movie is going to be completely AI. Great. Yeah. That's awesome.

Because he loves to reuse actors, and this way he can reuse as many actors as he wants, but save... So much money. Yeah. Who's he, let's see. Matt Damon, he was in Odyssey. He was in Interstellar,

and he was in that Oppenheimer. You see that Barbenheimer thing that he did? Yeah, Barbenheimer was really, it was fine. Yeah. I don't know why there was nudity in that movie.

I don't think it was necessary, but that's just me. Well, I needed to know that Oppenheimer could get it up. Yeah, we want to know that Oppenheimer fucks. And fucks multiple women. Yes, with a side piece. Again, it's the glorification of... We need to know this.

It's so important for history. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But it's wonderful to have you back. Thank you. We also know you are a musician, of course, in the defunct band Franklin's Fault. Yeah. And you're...

I hope you didn't find another video. No, I have not, although... No, no, no. That's fine. It's... Franklin's fault video. No. Okay.

Here's Franklin's... Franklin's fault number one. Is this right? Yes, best live band ever is the... What? First of all, we have a... This is not Franklin's fault. No, this is an ad...

You don't pay for premium? I forgot that about you. This is an ad for Canvas Champ, whatever that is. Oh, I love Canvas Champ. Oh, my God. Now, this is you. And about two years ago, we played our last gig. And this has Thai subtitles for some reason.

What? What? Is Franklin's fault big in Thailand? So let's read all of the comments on this. Oh my God. CBB bump about to make this go viral. Oh shit. Christian wants to get the band back together, doesn't he?

Constable Johnstable. Yep. Which is the character that you played on the Murdoch. Constable Jackson, but we'll accept Constable Johnson. I picked up their album at a value village a few months back. No. Absolutely smashing band. Yes. I'll take it.

you made a really good choice. Who's Brad and what is the choice that you made? I have no idea who Brad is. Oh. Here it comes. Yeah, turn it up. This song is called Big Man on Campus. We wrote this in college.

This is like... And you're dressed pretty similarly to how you look now. And probably sweating as much. There's a woman dancing next to you. She also sings. Oh, okay. Oh, that's good to know.

It's not just like skanking. Is that what they call it in the stock? He's not a mighty, mighty boss, yeah. That's me. Yeah. I'm sweating and blushing so much right now. Brad, by the way, I've done a little discovery here. Brad is who uploaded this.

Oh, thanks, Brad. Brad in Thailand. This is the most Canadian thing I think I've ever. How is this Canadian? It's just funk music. It's fun to wipe you. doing it. Yeah, that's fair. All right.

Well, thanks for that. My ego is so full now. I love it. Franklin's fault. That's the only video that I can find. It looks to be. Oh, no, no. Here's a Mr. Next in line.

We talked about that one. Toronto Time Razor 2011, forget you. That was a charity. What was a charity? You writing that song? The time race. Yeah, writing all of our songs were charity because we did them for free. Shine the vinyl?

Yeah. What is that? I did not write that song, but... What is it regarding? I think Shine the vinyl is like, polish your records. It's like, clean your records before you, but it's not what the song is about.

I think it's just... I didn't come up with it. That's not me. Oh, fuck, man. Do they make vinyl dildos? Is that what this is about? Why did you go to dildos on that? Is that a good material for it?

I have no idea what a dildo should be made out of. Scott, if it's a song, written by a band and it says vinyl. They're talking about records. All right. Come on. Franklin's fault. You guys getting back together.

I mean, there's been a lot of heat on Franklin's fault ever since we discovered them on an episode of Comedy Bang Bang a while ago. Last time I was on and we discussed this, uh, I went back to the band. I was like, guys, we got to put our stuff up on Spotify.

And, uh, nothing's happened. Nothing's happened. Okay. Well, you just got to go to YouTube and find shitty live clips of us. All right. Well, I would love to hear some of these studio recordings of Franklin's Fault. I will get you the album we recorded in college over a weekend and then the one that we put more time and effort into.

Okay, I would love to hear those. Now, the Murdoch mystery, speaking of Constable Johnstable, you were on this show for five years, six years something? Six years, yeah, seasons five to ten. Playing an old-timey cop who has a Billy Cub. No, I don't hit people with a cub. I hit them with a club. With a club. And my fists.

And you were constantly hitting like poor people? Yes, mostly poor degenerates. Never the rich people. Okay, great. It's historically accurate. And you were protecting the interests of the rich. Always. That's what the police do, I believe.

And then suddenly you're murdered by who murdered you? Did they ever find that out? Was it like a who shot J.R. situation? Yeah, it was a cliffhanger at the end of season 10. And then you asked for too much money And they said, oh no, you're dead One of, look, three constables Were investigating something in a church

There was three of us, there was three kind of main constables on the show And then up in like the loft area where there's, you know, seats in the back Balcony as you love so much, yeah Three shooters came out with rifles and just shot the hell out of all three of us And they did like slow mo Yeah, and it's not even like they had to like really load each shot because it's old-timey. And we're just slow motion like

like falling in the pews. And then later on in the episode they announced, well, one of your constables is already dead. And they didn't know who it was and everybody was freaking out. And they're like, oh my God, I hope it's not Johnny who was the main constable who was in there since season one. Was he doing a contract renegotiation at the time?

100%. Okay. Wonderful. And you were not. I was not, but I was moving to L.A. at that point. Right. Is that a good move in retrospect? Well, that show ended And Orphan Black at the same time. So I was lucky enough to be on two shows at the same time.

And then I moved to the expensive city of Los Angeles and immediately was unemployed. Mm-hmm. So great, great decision. And have remained so. I have done stuff. Okay. I did two seasons of a show. I've talked about it on this.

The Carter. I did the recruit. Ready or not. Oh, yes. The recruit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

With our, Noah Centennial. Noah Centa. Yeah, who's in the new street fighter movie. Oh, good for him, because he was a he man. He was and then he wasn't. Suddenly he was no man. Yeah, he wasn't man. Wasn't man.

Yeah. And so it's good to hear that he's getting work. Yeah, good for him. What if you guys were like a team, like a package deal where Noah was like, I only work with Christian? I think that makes sense. I mean, I really think he should probably put that into his context. Yeah, you know, like you have a great relationship. And it would be fun to see you guys.

act in other roles together. You know, we had good chemistry. He's great. He's actually really fun to work for. You could have been a street fighter. I could have, I could have been the... You could have been like Pennywise in the gutter while everyone's fighting on the street.

I would be like Paul Bearer. I would be like his corner man. Hmm, yeah. That's a deep cut to WWE, but yeah. And, but this Murdoch mysteries, why don't they bring you back here? I mean, it's like, come on. You're just sitting around L.A.

A dream. No, you know what? I'm currently filming. something in Toronto. It's big. It's big news, but I can't, I can't break it. You're filming something in Toronto right now. I am not currently. I'm here, but I have a week off. We're on hiatus. You're going back and, this is such a big part that you're going back and forth to Toronto? Yes. Oh my gosh. What is, wow. I can't talk about it. I can't tell you if it's, you know, MCU or DCU. Is it an established property? It is, it's so established. Whoa. Yeah.

So you're up in Toronto filming something right now and you can't, and you can't, And it's, it's so well known you can't even talk about it. Yeah, people would freak the fuck out. When does this come out? Around Christmas. Around Christmas? Yes. Oh my God.

This is exciting. It's thrilling. I'm trying to think of like, okay, like who in a comic book looks like you? Let's see, some dumb scientist. Okay. Like the Hulk before? I've played a lot of bosses and terrible doctors. That could be one of those.

Are there old-timey policemen in the DC universe? I bet there's some flashbacks, maybe some else worlds. Yeah, yeah. I do remember reading a Batman comic that took place in the Wild West. There's Gotham by Gaslight. That's right. Yes. Well, you know, okay, so your partner in Orphan Black, Tad.

Who? Tatiana. Oh, yeah, I remember her. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you guys haven't spoken since the rap party, I know. But she's the She-Hulk. Yes. And then so why, you know, she should get you involved because, you know, she's back in the MCU.

Yes, she's, I mean, she's turning them down. She turns them down a lot. Back in the MCU. I love that song. Yeah. And she's, um. Franklin's fault covers that. Oh, really?

Yeah. So she's, she's back and she's, uh, she was telling me the other day. And she said something about not saying anything about it, but, uh, who cares. But, yeah, she's not here. You can talk about it. She actually in secret wars, she's the new Deadpool. And she kills the old Deadpool. Nice.

And then takes over Deadpool. and basically like lifts up the mask at the end of Secret Wars and it's Shee Hulk and she winks and goes, guess what, bitches. Oh, Ryan Reynolds must be spinning in his grave. Oh, he hated to see it. He opened up the script and was like, what happens? Yeah, what happens to me?

Yeah. Sheholt kills me? This is my property. Yeah, but no, he's out. Yeah. Yeah. So you should get in there. I should.

Yeah. I'll have, I'll have my agent call her agent and then maybe she can, You can mend the rift or something. Yeah. On set, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's just, I haven't talked to her since the incident.

What was the incident? I've heard rumors about the rift between you guys, but what exactly happened? I had some Taco Bell and I accidentally pooped her pants. You pooped her pants? Yeah. How does that? How does that work? I don't know, Scott.

You were wearing her? pants? I was borrowing them, first of all. She didn't know I was borrowing them. Okay. And it was an emergency because I had pooped my original pants, which were mine. Okay. And then...

Then you ran out of pants and needed some pants to poop. Yeah. So I stole her pants. And then I followed up with another poop. Why not poop in the toilet, my good man? I couldn't think of it at the time. You know, when you have to go so bad and you get the sweats and you're... And then something...

And you can't remember the word. And you're like, I need to go in the... What is that thing called? And I just kept going, p, pu, pu, pu, pu, To say poo, but pants came out and then my brain went, pants. You're wearing pants. Luce. And then bloop.

And she had to, was this the final scene of Orphan Black? And she had to film the entire final scene, the goodbye to her. Yes. Wearing poopy pants. Yes. This is terrible. I was so embarrassed. I put them back in her trailer.

She had one of those double-decker buses because she's a big diva. Yeah. And then they call her to sat and she's like, oh, okay, hold on. Let me put my pants on. Yeah. And they're like, you only have time like three, two, one action. Yes. Squish.

So you've been on set. You know how it works. Because time is tight because film is so expensive. This is terrible. No wonder she's not talking to you. Yeah. She'll come around. You know, I have faith in that.

All right. Well, no wonder you weren't in Shee Hulk or maximum pleasure guaranteed or Perry Mason. Perry Mason. Like her career is skyrocketing. Yeah, I mean, anybody with an Emmy can get a ton of work. Yeah. Like you, right? What are you working on these days?

You have an Emmy. Yeah. Maybe not a lot, but... Oh. That's weird. Everyone I know with an Emmy is just constantly working. Weird. Yeah.

Might have just got fired off of something. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. But, you know, that's show business. That's show business, baby. We're in the same boat. Yeah.

You and I could be a package deal. Well, actually, no, I am working right now in Toronto. Oh, that's right. You're doing the Toronto. Doing that big. awesome, mysterious project. This is very exciting. Yeah.

And just we're going to see this around Christmas. Everywhere around Christmas. This is so exciting. Yeah, tune in. And this is going to be major like news in the trades. I think it'll be in all the trades. Yeah, it's very exciting. This is incredible.

Christian, I'm so happy for you. It'll be in the Canadian trades playback magazine, which you have to subscribe to to read the articles. So nobody ever reads the articles. You just see the headlines. Mm. Well, that headline usually tells you everything you need to know. Exactly.

Yeah. I'm so excited for you. I was so worried about you. Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it. I really appreciate it. I'm doing fine. I'm glad.

I'm doing fine. Do you need any money? Yes, absolutely. Here, take, I think I have a 20. Oh, thanks. Wait, what? You have Spider-Man webs. How did you?

Yeah, that's how I grabbed the bill. I shot them. You had the $20 bill in your hand. Dude, are you in Spider-Man? Because you have Spider-powers? They're not hiring me. And I'm like, every audition. I go out for Spider-Man every time.

And I'm like, I have natural webbing in my wrist. Oh, my God. And they still won't hire me. They said I'm, I'm too chubby. And I look too old. To play Spider-Man, too old and chubby? Yeah. I'm 46, but I'm pretty stretchy.

You could go on one of those dehydration kind of things. Absolutely. Tom Holland did. Yeah. You know, that made him feel lightheaded in the sonn scene? Yeah. And affected his acting so that it was not that good. You want to feel lightheaded all the time and hungry and starving?

Yeah. And just thirsting for water. That's L.A. baby. You know, like that's why we're all kooky here is because we're dehydrated and starving. Yeah, we all are. Yeah, I should probably start doing that. Well, this is great, man.

I'm so happy for you. Thank you. And when one door opens after thousands of closed, it's really great to know that you, that you got through that door in enough time. You put your foot in there before they could close it and you just leapt through it. Thank you. Yeah, it was a very smooth process. Yeah, that's fantastic. All right.

Well, look for that in Christmas. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Is this the new Johnny Depp Ebenezer Scrooge movie? God, I wish. I would love to work with more canceled people. I think that's really the way forward. Kevin Spacey hit me up.

You can play Young Scrooge for Johnny Depp. Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Yeah, Young Scrooge, that is good casting for me. Because he was kind of handsome back in the day, right? Johnny Depp? No, Scrooge.

Oh, Scroo. He had a period where he was still lovable. I don't know. Is Scrooge in this movie just going to act like that pirate guy? What's his name? Yeah, Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah. Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah. Was he? He's been mumbling all the time. Oh, yeah, man, what time is it? What day is it? The one as big as me? Oh, no, I'm doing the little kid now. You were doing Tiny Tim? I think it would be hard to be in something with Johnny Depp because you just want to talk like him the entire time. The whole time. You know how, like, you pick up other people's accents? Like, you would just...

You just talk like Johnny Depp the entire time. And you would start chain smoking and drinking really expensive red wine. We're going into debt for it. A lot of jewelry. Too much. Amongst other behavior, which we shall not go into. We should just deep dive the whole episode on the history of Johnny Depp. But that's great that you're in the new Johnny Depp Ebenezer Scrooge movie.

Thank you. This is exciting for you. I can't wait to see it. Yeah, very excited. And this is great, man. So look for that. And look for Franklin's fault. music to be...

Yeah, in a few bins at some used clothing stores. The Value Village, that guy who found that that is a That's basically like crossroads or Goodwill. I don't know what either of those things are. Well, yeah, you don't have Goodwill so you won't know what Goodwill is, I get it.

Oh, wait, is Goodwill the poor people who are beseeching you for alms on the street corner? Yes, yes. If you go to another neighborhood, not like here, and rich and Okay, this is why I just hang out in Beverly Hills.

Exactly. Okay. You have to go to the bottom of the hill in Beverly Hills to find the trash. Well, this is exciting, Christian. I'm glad that you're back on your feet and you're,

this is Christian Bruin 2.0. Yeah, it's the Renaissance, the Brunissance. The Brunissance. Yeah. And this is just kind of, I mean, now that we're basically like breaking this news.

Yeah, breaking this non-news because I can't tell you what it is. You can't say exactly what it is. Exactly. Now that people know there's a lot a heat on you. So much heat. A lot of buzz. A heated rivalry of heat is. Are you in heated rivalry? Is that what this is? Fuck. Do you get to fuck these two guys? Fuck. Um, yes, I do, but I'm not on the show. Oh, good. Oh, okay. That's not what you're flying up and down to Toronto for. Is it just to fuck these two guys?

They're paying me good money. See, this isn't a project, Christian. Now I am worried about you. It feels like a project because I have to like, do a lot of prep. Uh, someone. Someone's filming it. But is it going to be released? Pornhub. Okay. No, no. You just have an only fans?

Is that what this is? What's that? I could be making my own money. It's a platform that is exclusively for fans. I think I'd have an only fan, probably. That's all I can muster. All you need is one, if they're rich enough. That's true.

You change one person's life and, you know, that Martin Screlli, Wu-Tang album? You should sell one of those to someone like that. He's a good guy. Where's he these days? Oh, well, he's somewhere out there in the world. What a great guy. Yeah, Martin, Screlly, Johnny Depp. Do you think he's secretly Skrillix?

I think he might be. He, like, puts on a long black wig and the glasses and a few face piercings and starts ripping the ones and twos. Yeah, you were just miming. Yeah, that's, that's me DJing. Oh, that's where you're doing. Yeah, the audience can hear me. You're polishing the vinyl or whatever. I'm shining the vinyl.

Yeah. Maybe that's it. Maybe shine the vinyl is like what a. DJ does like, it's a sex metaphor, my man. Oh. Oh, shit. Now I get the lyrics. Now you understand, right?

Yeah. Yeah. What's the lyric? Shine the vinyl and get your ass on the dance floor. It's about sex. Maybe it's not a sex metaphor. It's about sex. Maybe it's just a bunch of dorks writing about dancing on a fucking dance floor.

All right. Ego full. Thank you, Scott. This is very. exciting. Ebenezer is in theaters this Christmas, and you can see Christian is young

Ebenezer Scrooge apparently. Another scloosey for CBB. And Franklin's fault out there on YouTube, check them out. We need to take a break if that's okay, but it's okay. This is exciting. We have a girlfriend coming up. We also have someone who works in showbiz. Oh, maybe I can get a job. Yeah, exactly, though. It would be amazing. All right, so

we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more Christian Brune, more comedy bang, bang. We're going to be right back with more. After this? Comedy Bang Bang, bang, bang, we are back. Christian Brun is here of Franklin's fault. Thank you. Ebenezer, Johnny Depp above the title.

Ebenezer and Christian Brun right underneath. You know, he's method. Who, Ebenezer Scrooge? Yes. Yeah. He was actually mean to all of his employees. He wasn't just acting it. As that real person in life that they wrote about.

Yeah. Yeah. That Marley guy. Oh, what a piece of shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, cancel that guy. It's like, okay, you're already dead. Yeah.

Like, I already had to deal with you while you're alive and now suddenly you're a ghost. Come on. Yeah, it's bullshit. You know what I mean? All right. Well, Christian is here. We need to get to our next guest. She's a girlfriend.

She's been on the show many times before and she's here to celebrate something from what I'm told. Please welcome back to the show, Kayla Dickie. Scott, hi. Hi. Christian, hi. Hi. Hi. Have you guys met before? No, you guys have not met.

No, we haven't, but I really love your energy. I'm definitely picking up on it. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah. We appreciate that. Scott, you obviously know why I'm here. I don't actually. I'm told you were here to celebrate something.

I'm not sure what it is. I'm sure you're celebrating as well, Scott. I have no idea what you're talking about. Yes, you are. It's your favorite time of year. Don't know anything about any facet of anything you're talking about. Your favorite holiday. Oh, is it Halloween?

already? Scott. I think it's a little early for Halloween. What's going on? It's small dick month. Stand up, King. Oh. Stand up, King.

Oh. I am standing. Stand up taller, King. Small dick month. I don't know what the, I mean, I've heard you talk about it. I don't know what it is. How are you celebrating this year, Scott? I'm not celebrating anything.

Privately? Not privately nor publicly. I'm not celebrating at all. Stand up, King? This doesn't necessarily apply me. Why do you keep sitting down? Stand up. If it did apply to me,

I don't think that that's anything anyone needs to be ashamed of. Scott, this is you and all of the podcast world's favorite holiday. Small Dick Month. I'm so happy to be celebrating with you. When you say the entire podcast world, who are you talking about? Oh my God, only the world's smallest dick. Anyone who hosts a podcast has a small dick? That's right, Scott.

Just the host? Not Theo Vaughn. Theobon? Yes. Even Obama? Yes. Scott, it's everyone's favorite time of year where the podcast community comes together in the land of small dicks, Colorado. That's right. You're from Colorado. That's right. I'm from Montrose, Colorado. That's right. And you, just to bring new listeners up to speed regarding who you are, you worked at bridal shop. Is that right? David's Bridal, yeah. David's Bridal. And you were one of several people. Girls. Girls who worked in, sorry, normally people correct you the other way.

Not women, girls. You were one of the several girls who worked for Mayor Judweewee. That's right. Yeah, we worked as his assistants until he burned the town down. The entire town. He burned the entire town down with his curling irons. He left them on. Right. Because he used to curl his long hair.

And then he fled and he lived in the woods as a bear. And we would always go and look for her jud. and we would be yelling for Judd because Judd was the man with the smallest dick in town and the biggest truck. And I love bag, bag, bang, bang, bag, trunks. Those are the two things that you like about people. And small decks. That's what I love about people. That's why I love you, Scott.

Yeah. I saw that cyber truck outside. I mean, yes. The doors fell off and I'm looking for someone to reattach them. It looks like a. air fryer on wheels. I saw it. No, it's, I mean, I'm looking for one of those raps, you know,

to, you know what I mean? Would you have your face on it and like comedy bang bang, bang, along the side? Yeah, you know, comedy bang bang rap for it, yeah. You mean like a rap, like music, like you wanted to rap? No, no, like, you know, one of those vinyl, oh, speaking of vinyl. Hey, see, there you, oh, that's another type of vinyl. And congrats to you, Christian, happy small dick month. Yeah, happy small dick month.

Thank you. Stand up, King. Yeah, I embrace it. Stand up. Here we go. God, that feels good, doesn't it? Yes. Yeah, it does.

I had a dream about it last night, and now it's coming true, and I'm happy to be out. That is so nice to hear. Obviously, Small Dick Month started on July 24th. That's right. It goes to... Until August 24th. Okay, so we're just coming in under the wire here. That's right.

So what have you guys been up to? What have you been doing for Small Dick? How much the UK and the Ireland? The land of Small Dix. It's because it's cold. And I was just in Vancouver. Vancouver, tiny, tiny dicks there.

Oh, it's so beautiful. Portland. Portland. Oh, my God, couldn't be smaller. Yeah. Those barista men. Yeah. Now, you like big trucks and small dicks.

Would you take an average between them? So like a guy with a medium-sized truck and a medium-sized dick? Scott, that is such a good question. God, you're on fire today. Thank you. You know, no, I don't like a medium. I want it small and I want it big. The bigger the contrast, the better.

the month if you know what I'm talking about. Do you ask your boyfriends then to like stand next to the big, big trucks and like take out their tiny boaters and like so you can see like it's like, Scott, I don't need to ask them. They're already doing that. You're doing it. Okay. That's right. They're yelling at me from their big, big truck. Right. So it's like putting a coin next to something in frame of a photo to give you an accurate perspective. Right. Well, obviously every dick looks small next to a bag, back, back, back truck. But the, it should be really big. I mean, the dick should look like a dice.

We've talked about this. Right, that's right. It looks like one dice. You know, you keep coming back and talking about the new models of trucks that come out. Yes, Scott. But there are no new models of dicks, are there? What a good question. No, there are.

Dicks evolve, Scott. Are they changing smaller? They are getting smaller. Technology is making them tiny. Wow. Think about AI. Who, Sam Altman actually just won smallest dick of the year. Did he?

Wow. This is incredible. At the small dick competition. So basically if you outsource all of your work to AI, it just makes your dick grow small. If you talk to chat, your dick is shrinking as you speak. Wow. And then any children you have will be born with. With small dicks?

Hopefully. God, I pray. Look, all children are born. No, Scott, they're not. And I actually, thank you for bringing this up. There are some children with big dicks out there. And I just want to say, I'm so sorry to those poor children. I'm out.

You can donate to my charity. It's on Scott's comedy binging website. No, we're not hosting any of this. We're not hosting a charity for children of big dicks. anywhere. www. Scottocrymed.com. No.

You should find the info there. I will contribute. Thank you, Christian. Gosh, it's just so good to be in a room with small dicks. Yeah. I feel so good, don't you guys? I mean, look, I have a certain BDE, you know. Do you mean SDE, Scott?

What are you doing? Super deluxe edition? Look, I, is there a new truck out? We rely on you, Kayla, for, for, for, for, news about the... Haven't you checked the Facebook marketplace lately? I haven't even thought about it since the last time. The message boards are going off.

The new 950.5 is out. 950.5 because we have the Ford F-150. Yes. Then it went up to 250, 250, then 3-50. Then there was the 450. Then there was the 5-50. Then there was a 6-50. Okay.

Then there was 7-50. Gotcha. 8-50 was the last time I saw you, I'm pretty sure. It was. Okay. Ford Rock Hard at 8-50. And now the 95.5 is out. It's rumored to be rumored to be out.

950 and a half. That's right. Wow. And what are the features on this? Scott, it's such a good question. There's a voice modulator so that when you talk on the phone or when you yell out your car, it makes your voice sound way deeper. Okay.

Is that to disguise your voice or just to give you like, you know, some extra tea? Yeah, you need to feel big. Even with your small dick. That's right. So it changes your voice. makes to sound very big and masculine, Scott. I bet you like that. Oh, yeah, definitely.

I would. So is that the only new feature? No, Scott. In the glove compartment, there's a pair of gloves. Whoa. Every car comes with a glove compartment. That's right. And yet gloves don't come in them standard?

No, they don't. This is a revolutionary. Are they like isotoners? Are they rubber gloves? Vinyl gloves? That's such a good question. Yeah. No, they're knit mittens.

They're just for fun. Oh, they're for fun. fun. Yeah. That's great. That's always fun to put it on a pair of mittens. As a Canadian, I agree. Yeah, you know, not because it's cold or anything.

No, no, no. Yeah. No, but they, so there, we are giving away a Ford Rock Hard 95.5 at Small Dick Month, coming up at the big competition towards the end of the month. Oh, okay. What's the big competition? We have the first thing is the gas pass. That's where men put their dicks into the gas hole of the car.

They suck up as much gas as they. can and then they hold it for as long as possible. It's kind of like a survivor thing. How long can you hold before your dick explodes? Gotcha. So how much gas can you hold in your penis by sucking it through the gas? How much can you hold? How many gallons, Scott? Stand up, King! Stand up! I've never really tried it. I don't even know how I would, I'm used to things being expelled from it. Just various things. Anyway, there's the gas pass. There's the bed wedding competition. That's where you lay in the back of the bed. the truck and you get it as wet as possible.

It'd be great to do that with the gas that you've been storing up. Yes, Scott. You let all that gas out. You let your piss out. You let your come out. And you just get that bed nice and wet. And whoever gets it wettest wins. Where are all these festivities being held?

They're all being held in Colorado, in and around. So obviously Montrose, we have Grand Junction, Telluride, Gunnison, Denver, Boulder. Aspen. Aspen. Colorado Springs, Vail, Norwood, Ridgeway, Uray. And I think that's it. Oh, okay, that's it. Oh, okay, great.

But Scott, we have some really exciting guests this year. Oh, who's going to be at this festival? Well, let's see. Mark Zuckerberg is teaching a chain-making competition. Chain-making? Yeah, you know how he had that cool, gold chain that one time? Around his neck. I guess I don't.

That one time? That one time there's a picture of him one time wearing a cool gold chain. That's cool. He's doing that. Thank you. I love it when a guy's wearing a gold chain. Me too. It just looks masculine.

It looks so masculine. Yeah. And it looks so hot. Yeah. And so small dick. Yeah. And then there's, we have Elon Musk is doing a workshop where he's reading his old comebacks on X. Oh, okay.

The everything up. Yeah. Is Christian going to be speaking? You know, he's starring an Ebenezer coming up this Christmas. That's such a good idea. We would love to have you, Christian. I would be honored. Like we have Johnny Depp is actually, like you guys were talking about.

He's doing a scarf tutorial, different ways to tie your scarf in Colesway. He's doing a ring workshop where he's showing you how many rings he can fit on one hand. Oh, wow. He's got to fit at least four on there, right? No, he can fit 10, Scott? Wow. You know, scarf. It would be funny if, like, they made a remake of Scarface, and it was like,

Al Pacino and he just puts on a scarf and goes, you didn't let me finish. And then he goes, ace. And so then he's got a scar on his face. Scott, you should teach this. Yeah. We would love to have you. Stand up, King. Stand up.

Well, you think it's a movie just called Scarf. And then he's like, ah, ah, ah. And then he pulls out an ace out off the top of the deck and he goes whoopsh and puts that next to scarf. This is so funny. Do this exact thing at Small Dickman. I'm telling you. We would love to have you. Just to give you an idea, we do have, like, we have a do's and don't workshop for the delivery room.

Okay. For men. So it's a men's POV of when your wife's giving birth. Just, like, awesome things to do. So, like, do tell your wife to chill out. Do tell the nurse she has a nice ass. Don't miss a business phone call. Don't not set up your Xbox.

Don't not set up your Xbox. Yeah. So that's a don't. That's a don't, yeah. Don't not do that. Okay, got it. Have you and the other girls from David's Bridal? Have any of you had children with Jud Weeby?

Yes, Scott. We all have kids. We're all tried wives now. Are you really? Yeah, we're all making our own, like, milk that we're selling raw milk. We're all... From your own... From our kids.

Oh, okay. That's the rawest of milk. It's so raw. Especially if you got the baby from having sex without a condom. Of course I did. That's extra raw, yeah. Instead of the usual... A man wearing a condiment, it breaks.

Right. Or had a whole poke in it. Yeah. That's typically how babies are made. Right. No, this is so raw. And, you know, we have... That's raw as hell.

Damn. We're also selling, I'm selling a pigeon, like a dried pigeon bowel, which is, like, awesome, like, delicious jerky. I got the recipe from R.FK. A pigeon bowel? Yeah. That sounds great. Oh, okay. And then we do a raccoon uterus.

that is stuffed. It's so good you would love it. Like a haggis, but with... Yeah. Okay. But it's stuffed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just making sure it's absolutely stuffed.

Great. Wow. This is... Stuffed and raw. I didn't know you were a mom. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Yeah.

Can't you see how my tits are leaking? Oh, I mean... I wasn't going to say anything. Yeah, I... Look, your eyes are up there, and that's what I've been just gazing into. Oh, Scott. Yeah, but do I have permission to look down there? You always do.

Happy small dickens. There we go. Stand up, King. You are sitting in a pool right now. Yeah, I am. A pool of my own breast milk. It's awesome. Well, I'm going to be there.

Christian, I know you're there. Yes. And I mean, Kayla, this is great news. And congratulations on the motherhood. That's wonderful. Thank you so much. Oh, my gosh. Look, the milk's up to my ankles.

Wow. It's starting to touch my feet. And your boobs are down to your knees. That's right. I know. No Brock can hold these back. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right, well, we're going to take a break. Can you stick around, Kayla?

Yes, I can, but you've got to stand up, you king. I'll definitely say, okay, I'll stand while I'm doing this. The mic can't reach me. But we're going to come right back. We're going to have more from Christian Bruin, more Kayla Diggy. Plus, we have somebody who works in showbiz. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang Bang.

We're back. Christian Brune is here. Hey, and you do have something that's out that just came out recently a few months ago. Yeah. Is that true? That is true. That, uh, and what is this? It's a comedy series called hate the player, the Ben Johnson story.

Okay, who's Ben Johnson? Ben Johnson was a disgraced sprinter from the 1988 Olympics. He was a Canadian sprinter. No, he was doing steroids. And he got busted for steroids. He won the gold medal. So he was too fast. Fastest man in the world.

Okay. Set records, one gold for Canada. Carl Lewis, the U.S. sprinter got silver. Okay. Big rivalry between the two of them. And then three days later, it came out that Ben Johnson had been doping. Whoa. So it's a six-part comedy series about Ben Johnson's sprinting situation.

It's a great way to handle it. I'm cracking up. And it's very funny. And how do we watch this? It's on Paramount Plus Canada. Oh. So if you have a VPN, you can watch it through a VPN. Okay.

It'll be coming to the States eventually, but they have not yet announced what date. All right, fantastic. But hate the player. It's very fun. It's a really, really ridiculous. Is there going to be a sequel, hate the game? Yes, there will absolutely be a sequel. They advise you not to hate the player.

That's true. Just hate the game. So this title is contradictory in a way. Exactly, and that's the funny part about it. But Mark McKinney's in it. He's very funny. One of the kids. There's lots of funny people in it.

It's great. Well, we do need to get to our next guest. She works in show business. Very exciting to hear in what facet. Please welcome to the show for the first time. C.J. Lowry, what's going down, gang? Hey, hi. Hi, how are we doing?

Thanks for having me. We're doing really good. Good. Good. Good. It's really good to see everyone looks well-rested. Yes. Christine James.

Christine James. Yes. Our Lowry is your last name. Is that related to the state franchise? Jesus. Yes. Yeah, I'm sorry, that's okay. Did you not like to talk about this?

No, I'm just more than shake and seasoning and steak. So you are related. I am. You are? Yes, uh-huh, direct descendant. Direct. Oh, really? Yeah.

So you got that shake money. Sure, yes. Seasoning. Yeah, I guess he can say I'm rolling in it. Oh, I see. Yeah. Like, you would roll a steak and seasoning. Yeah.

So you were upset that I brought it up and now you're making puns about it. I'll keep going. I'm spinning in it, like a spinning salad. You guys ever been to Lowry? Sorry. Like a side salad that would come with a steak that was covered in steak. Well, they spin the salad at table side. It's gorgeous.

Oh, I didn't know that. Well, now you do. Yeah. Oh, my God, thank you. I love teaching women about things. I love learning from you. Kayla, I think you'd really enjoy it. It's wet.

It's wet lettuce. It's nice. Wow. Hard croutons. Are you having any trouble during this, what is it called? Psychoplastoria. What is it? What's that?

Psychopath lettuce. Yeah, psychopath lettuce. PASS lettuce. Yeah, you know, people don't really come for the salads. You know, they come, they come for the meat. And then the salad just kind of. You mainly work there? Now I'm back. Yes. I was laid off. Oh, laid off your showbiz. Yeah. Kind of like you Christian. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Can relate. Yeah. Christian was a very small deck. It's awesome. Congrats on that thing. And happy small deck. I'm sorry. I just should have brought in a car. Oh, of course. Yeah. No, it's okay. So what, in what regard or in what facet of show business did you? I worked as an intimacy, sex coordinator with emotion and intimacy. With emotion? Yeah.

I didn't do like the, you know, penetrative or in lieu of, I didn't get people ready. What are you comfortable with, you know, bathing suit areas? I wasn't. I was more like emotionally, what are you comfortable with? Oh, yeah. So you never, you didn't work on the choreography between the bodies. No, kind of just with the feeling of the space. Yeah, I was there on set.

And I would always pitch kiss, you know, have them kiss this time. But I guess, I guess that's what they said I was laid off for. Oh, because you were yelling kiss. Was this during taking takes? Yeah. They'd go three to one action, walk, walk, land on their marks. Oh, like a walk and talk. Yeah.

Like a West Wing. Oh, West Wing, yeah. Like a newsroom kind of thing. Almost like a, it was almost like a jog and talk. It was fast. Okay. The camera's on a hard dolly. It's got Ben Johnson would have been great at that.

Oh, my God. Yeah. And so, and then I. go, they go step, step, I go kiss, kiss now. And they're like, this is just about the files. It's about Q4, Q1, Q2, Q3. And I say kiss this time. Sounds like a good show. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. It was a student film. Oh, okay. You can get fired from show business for yelling kiss during a student film? Layed off, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, it's that BDE, right, Kayla? That's right. Yeah, that big dick energy. Like, ew, no, we don't have that. No, exactly. So now I'm back

at the family biz. I gotta say that that doesn't really sound like you were dealing with the emotions of the scenes. You're just yelling kiss out at people. Do you kiss, Scott? Do you kiss? I have several times in my life. And you're just... Scott.

No. Small digs don't kiss. And they don't eat pussy either. Okay. That's good to know. But could you with emotion? Can you emotionally eat pussy? The answer is yes.

I mean, I'm an emotional eater, so does that kind of tie into that? Absolutely. Yeah. So do you work with another intimacy coordinator who's choreographing the action of the scene? Yes. And so you see what someone's comfortable with. So do you go like, say I'm an actor and I have a love scene. Okay.

Hold on. Let me picture it. And I'm there. I'm there. I'm not usually cast in that type of role. I'm there. Well, hey, you did. Or any type of role, quite honestly.

You should see what's going on in this noggin. Yeah. Okay. So what's your process? So I'll come up to you in front of everyone and I'll go, what are you most uncomfortable with? What don't you want to happen today? us into a corner or something? Do we have to talk about it in front of everyone?

Well, it's six in the morning. Okay. Yeah. And we're shooting 90 pages. That's too many pages, first of all. That's a whole script in one day. This love scene is 90 pages. Yeah.

Got it films are popping off. They're filming 90 pages. You've got to figure it out. And you got to learn how to edit in college. So that makes sense. So what are you most uncomfortable with? Just in my life or in this scene? In this scene.

But spoiler. It's about your life. Okay. And the scene I would really rather, you know, like I'm fine with the kissing. Like, what if I put my hand on her breast here? Or will you squeeze or will you just hold? I mean, I probably like flick the nipple, maybe. Okay. Yeah, Scott. Way to go, King. Okay. I had a conversation with Cassie and she doesn't want any flick and nipple, but you can do the breast around. Okay, great. So you can kind of five finger flick around the nipple. Is that going to screw your process?

Hold on. Let me take myself out here. And let's be. press pause on the role playing here. Okay. It really seems to me like you're dealing with the choreography and the physical choreography of the scene here. Okay. But can I tell you, I said, uncomfortable? That's an emotion. Okay. But now you're telling me what I can do to the breast and what I can't do to the breast. And kind of what you should do. In this scenario, I want you to should yourself. Yeah, flicked the nipples got go, king. Yes. Okay, let's go back and do it. All right. What do you want me to do this? Five finger flick. Do you want me to play? Yes. Cassie.

Cassie. Have some respect. I'll play Cassie. Okay. Hi, Cassie. Hold up, let me take my shirt off. Yeah, pop that top off. Do we have to do this in front of everybody? Yes.

Yes. Yes. We're not a daylight. Okay. Okay. So you're just a five finger. There you go on both of them. Did he hit any nipple cask?

No. His pinky grazed it. Scott. I don't know how to do this five finger flick with so much accuracy that I don't get. Hit the nipple, Scott. You got it, King. You got it. Okay.

Wait, I don't want to hit the nipple. Kayla, she doesn't want the people. Who is this? This is the, this will be the onset coordinator. That's right. I'm the onset coordinator. Wait, you're offset coordinator? I'm going to be shout in direction.

Okay, but why are we on set right now if you're the offset coordinator? Well, because I have to see everything up to standard. And the line is right here. Yeah. It's right down the middle here. Let me flick. Here you go. Good?

Yeah, that was good. Yeah, that was good. Good for you? Looked good on my angle. Okay. This looks good for the scene? Yes. This is sexy.

And it's over the shoulder, so just go for it. Oh, I'm supposed to do it from behind her back? Yeah. So we want you dirty in the frames? It's just like a French over? Yeah. Can we go Dutch on it? We can go Dutch, so I just got to pop this trial.

Who's this out of the photographer here? Scott, did you want the stilts? Do you want this stilts? Yeah, put it on stilts. Yeah, put it on stilts. And can I tell you? Yeah. You seem overwhelmed and that's another emotion.

That's what I'm here for. What do you need? Okay, so this is where I'm going to step. I'm going to pause. Should I put my shirt back on? This is the emotional part of it? Yeah. So wait, when I get on set, am I supposed to do any of this physical stuff you've asked me to do?

Yes, right? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, that's the choreography. Okay, so you're, so you are doing more than the emotions. Okay. See, here's the thing. Nobody wants to work anymore. Nobody wants to work, Scott.

Yeah. And so I'm here to help make everybody feel comfortable. Have you worked in this capacity before? Yeah, I worked as a PA on different reality shows. Yes. Oh. Mm-hmm. You had, you worked on little sisters?

Little sisters, big brothers, tiny men. Middle kids. Middle kids, middle children. Single mom, single dad. Short adults. Short adults with big cars. Six one. Six one and also five, too.

Yes. And I worked on Little Thro's Big Leap. Yes. Which is about people with no arms. No. And really big legs. Yes. Okay.

And they would throw little throw pillows. Okay. With their legs. And then they had to try to see. if they could leap over it. They could, but they had to see if they could leap over where they threw it. It would take a long time for them to throw the pill with the no arms. I'm not, I guess I'm not picturing. This is a whole subgenre. I'm unfamiliar with it. It's all TLC. Oh, okay. Yeah. The learning channel. Yeah. That's where they needed a lot of emotional intimacy coordinators there. Okay. Can I ask you, CJ, were you actually hired on these sets or were you just? I filled out paperwork. What paperwork? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I said, can I sign my name somewhere? Because they were passed around to script.

And you know how people sign the front page of scripts? Do you know that? I guess I don't. Okay, well, so, so picture this. They do. Like if they're auctioning off a script for something. Or just as a gift. Just for fun.

Yeah. So we all have one. It sounds fun. And I go, what's this? I was eating. I was eating a green juice. And I was like, what's this? What were you doing on set in the first place?

I had a hankering. Oh, you had a hankering. I had a hanker in. A lot of people don't realize you can break into show business if you have a hanker. That's what I've been missing. Yeah, you don't seem hanker in enough. No, I need to hanker.

Yeah, you got to hanker down. Yep. And so I wandered in, and I was like, what's going on here? And everyone was pissed. I mean, you could just tell everyone was, they could spit. They were so mad. At you? Just in general.

Oh, it was an angry set. Angry set. Everyone was seeing red. And that's a top-down problem, Scott. Yes, yes. And nobody was doing the work themselves, you know? And so I walked down, so what's going on? And as you can tell, I, I'm really good at advice.

You guys probably picked that up so far. For sure, yeah. Yeah. And so I was like, what's going on here? You know, and I asked, I was like, let me get a green juice. And so I'm having my lunch and I'm talking to people one-on-one. And I'm like, what's the feeling? How are you feeling here, you know?

And I said, pop that top off. Let's get a chat going. And so we started talking. Was there a sex scene in the script? Not until I stopped on. I still have my top off. I know that. And are you comfy?

Yeah. Okay. Wait, you're still in the role play? Yes. Oh, okay. Scott, your stilts are strapped on, buddy. Stand up, King. All right, I'll pop back in.

Hey, you can put your top back on. Cassie, do you... Do you not find me attractive? See, that's what, yeah. Is that, oh, so, is that an issue when you get on set? The actress will be insulted if you don't... Incredibly insulted. Why are you gendering this?

Right. Remember, who was that actor who used to say when they would do a love scene? Denzel. Pardon me if I get excited. Yes. Pardon me if I don't. get excited. I think that was a comfortable place to put an actress in. Yeah. Let me ask you, CJ, so you, was this your first job on a set? Yes. Yes, it was. Because you were fired.

Laid off. Laid off. Yeah. Okay. And you were, and what was the process of you, you were at Lowry's Steakhouse? Yes. And you just had a hankering to what? Well, you know, I would get a lot of phone calls because I worked the host desk. You own the place. Why? Are you wearing the host desk? Mommy, Daddy, on that place. Oh, I see. So I started in valet, and then I worked the host desk. Okay, which did you like better?

Valet, because I like to drive fast. You ever get one confused where, like, suddenly, like, you're, someone brings their car to you and you seat the car at the table? Yes, I am. This is so funny. Do this that small dick, God, that's good. Yeah. Right? And then you drive the customer around?

Uh-huh. Yeah, I parked it in a white curb. Yeah, I parked these. two people I go, your server will be right with you. So funny. God, so funny. So good. So good. So good. So, yeah. So you were at Lowry's one day. You're at the host stand. Yeah. And then. And somebody pulled up in a gorgeous two-door Honda. And I said, what do you do? And they say, make movies.

Wow. I said, are you kidding me? You can say the, I know you said, fuck. Okay. You whispered it like, yeah. I said, are you fucking me? I mean, you're trying to replicate the conversation as you had it. Lowries you don't want to be like, are you fucking kidding me? No, no, Mommy Daddy bad. Yeah. So are you kidding me? Yeah. And he goes, not to make movies. And I said, how do I do that? Now, you work here in the Lowries in Los Angeles. And is the first person whoever came to the restaurant who works in movies? It's the first person that caught my eye. Wow. Well, was he like wearing a hat that said like writer on it or something? Oh, it said director slash writer. Wow.

A little hat, I gotta get one of them. Yeah. And the back said sag e. Sag eligible. Yeah. Oh, is that what it is? Or did it just say saggy? It said, yeah, two Gs and a Y.

What do you think I said? That's a strange hat then. Writer director on the front and saggy on the back. Saggy. I guess it's like those juicy pants or whatever. Yeah. Those juicy butts. Those juicy butts.

Yeah. So then did he, what was the information he gave you? Well, he said, here's my car. And so you seem like you're really good at talking to people. Did he pull out an ace like in that movie Scarface? Yes, that's exactly. Yes. Yes.

Has the scarf on him? That's exactly right. Al Pacino wears a lot of scarfs these days too. So it's almost like he's like, it's very meta. Yeah. And homage to his most famous role. Will Al Pacino be there or no? At Smaldickman?

Yeah. Yeah, he is. He usually comes. Yeah. But he uses it too. He just had a kid. Yeah. He's eating, whatever.

Uh-huh. Alex Baldwin's coming this. year too. Cool. Yeah, it's really awesome. Hilaria is giving a workshop on naming your children. I'd love to be there. Wow.

How much are tickets? How much your tickets? 63-44 with a payment plan of 2499 for the next 10 months. Wow. I'll do it. Great. That's really good value. That's a really good value.

See, I can see you doing the math in your head. Yes. What is that out of up to? Exactly that. Yeah, exactly. Wow. Wow. So he gives you his card and then what happens?

And then so I follow up. I wait three to five days because I didn't want to seem too hungry. How many days? Four? Four. I waited four days. And I called and I said, hey, hey, this is that beautiful woman that you ran into at Lowry's. He said, I know exactly who you're talking about.

Come to set. And so he dropped a pin and I went to Bakersfield. Baker's, oh, they were doing a location shoot? Yes, yeah. Or was he Bakersfield specific? He's Bakersfield adjacent. He's, oh, adjacent. Yeah.

What's adjacent to Bakersfield? L.A. I guess in a roundabout way. So he drops a pin in Bakersfield. So you're invited to the set by the guy who, what's his job title? Director slash writer. Director slash writer. So, I mean, you belong there.

Yeah. And you just start rolling up your sleeves. Like a good politician. Just getting in there and doing the work. Yes, because that's when I was like, what do you need me to do? And he said, well, with that face probably acting. And I said, I don't know. You know, I'm more than that.

It's a hard road, you know what I mean? Because people just judge you on your looks at that point. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Whereas if you work on the crew, you could be the most beautiful crew member and all the crew guys would want to date you and sexually harass you the entire series. Awesome. I love to work on the crew. I know.

Well, you kind of when you were a PA and you're in, yeah, and you were just kind of, you know, taken names at that cashed checks breaking necks. Yeah, I was. I was taking names and then I was writing them on checks. I was ripping up the checks. Yeah. And breaking next. Yeah. Well, yeah, the breaking the next game because she was head turning so much, all those necks were breaking. And they'd be like, oh, God, my neck. Yeah. I'd be like, get the ER in here. Yeah. Yeah. Call the ER. It's the pit. Mm-hmm. Weeo, weu, it's the pit. Their famous theme song, weu-weeu. It's the pit. Wee, we are we are.

No, O'Iley. So you, so is this guy on set when you arrive? Yeah. And you goes, come this way. Everyone's pissed today. And so I said, that's when I said, I need a juice. And so I assessed the situation, kind of like you do in first aid. You guys first aid certified?

Yes. Good thing. Yeah, definitely. I'm not, how do you get first aid certified? You just know a lot of first aid? You look it up. There's a YouTube video. You can watch some TikToks.

That's cool. Yeah, look it up and get a certification. You can watch one TikTok for like 10 seconds. You know what to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can get certified. What about second aid?

Am I right? Hey, that's good. It's like, oh, boy, this isn't good enough to be the, you know. The first. This is so good, do they. But it's like the second aid and it's like, okay. Hey, I, look, will I do? Yeah.

Yes. Yes. That's good. So many specifics in that one. I can see it perfectly. I don't have band-aids. I have a USA for Africa. Yeah.

Oh my God. I didn't get that one, but I loved it. Band-Aid made, do they know it's Christmas? You would? USA for Africa made, we are the world. Anyway, so good. God, I love a finger. It's a thinger.

It's a thinger, but like on the way home, you'll be like, oh, fuck. I love a late laugh. I'm already like that. I'm already like that. I understand it now. I get it. Yes. And it's smart as well as funny, which is a great kind of threading the needle process

that I like to do. Wow. The way you're talking about, I wish I was filming this. The way you're kind of going up talk like that, I love that out of you. That's really, do you focus on smart first then funny

or would you go, do you bang them over the head with the funny? I usually try to do it every other word. Are you serious? Can I hear? So one word's funny, then the next word smart and another are funny.

Oh my God. Are you, have you been doing it this whole time? Okay. Just what I just did right there? Yeah. That was an example. Are you kidding?

Wow. That's good. I love that. Master. work. So have you ever done intimacy coordination for animals? I'm kind of not at liberty to say, but yes. Okay. Yeah.

So like dogs fucking. Yeah. Like cats and stuff. Has a dog ever had sex with a cat? Oh, maybe in your brain. Didn't that happen in Homeward Bound? Are they? Oh, God. Did it? That's how they. So, yeah. Like are they, are they, do they, would that ever happen where they're just like, look, I'm horny? I'll have sex with this. You know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know. how men sometimes have sex with cows or whatever or couches or or h yeah we know what i mean like it's it has to have happened at least well i think anybody can rub anything on anything yeah you know yeah yeah love is love is love is love love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love you know exactly exactly yeah and so it's a slippery slope but i think it's lettuce to this i think so i think so yeah it's lettuce to let us that's lettuce that is good like the

Saladish, the wet lettuce of flowers. Is a slippery slope. Yeah. So whatever happened with the guy on the first set in Bakersfield, did you ever see him again? Yeah, I saw him. We worked together on nine other projects. And so, yeah, I was kind of his right-hand woman or girl. Excuse me.

Okay. Yeah, this was white-hand girl. And so I worked with him, and then unfortunately, he went missing. Oh, my God. This is like what happened to Judd. This is what happened. Is he living as a bear? If there's any bear caves in the town.

In Bakersfield? Yeah, in Bakersfield, immediately go there. Okay. Or the dump. There's always bears at the dump. Always bears. Looking at them trash cans. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, that's, it's been 11. How long has he been missing for? 11 years. Yeah. So, wait, you were an intimacy coordinator over a decade ago when this position didn't exist.

You're a pioneer. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. Yeah. I also was intimacy. according to a pioneer woman, that cooking show. Great.

Yeah. What intimacy was involved in that? That's where they make like the gruel and the oatmeal. But you never know what's happening below the counter. No. And you've got a lot of booms down there. And I just want to make sure everyone felt safe. Yeah, a lot of sloppy sounds.

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes if a boom mic brushes up against you, it's like, oh, it can be arousing. Yeah, for sure. A vinyl boom mic. Yeah. You got to polish those booms. Wow.

Well, I'm sorry to hear about him. him, I would presume he's dead at this point. I mean, legally, he must be dead, right? I'm not sure. I haven't really checked in. You have, oh, well, I mean, you're not an heir to his estate or anything like that. No, no, I mean, yeah, he's just some dude that you were. I loved him.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, it was. Did you have to coordinate intimacy between each other? Yeah. Yeah, we had a, we had a calendar. How does that work?

Like, oh, it was just a scheduling thing? That's all I see is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and we would just, we'd ask if one was available.

Okay, yeah. We could check no. And we had this thing where if you said no, you had to ask why. And so we didn't just want to accept. You said no, you had to ask why? So I'm saying no, I'm not available. And then I have to ask myself, why? Yes.

And 80% of the time, once you ask yourself why you're saying no, you'll change that to it. Yes. Okay. I guess. I guess that makes sense. Wow. Well, C.J. Lowry, congratulations on the steak business. Thank you.

That's doing gangbusters. Gangbusters. Out there. Just slinging meat everywhere. Yeah. And that's doing really well. And sorry to hear about the man you're in love with. Thank you.

Being dead. Oh, I still have hope he's alive. Thank you, Christian. I think he's living as a bear. Yeah, check the dump. Yeah. Okay. I'll check the dump.

Got to check the dump. Well, speaking of Check the Dump, we really only have time for one final feature on the show. And it's what we call the dump. It's time for a little something called plugs. Some Scotty. once told me you got a film to show me. So put the freaking plug in the bag. That's it.

All right. That was all Scotty by Michael Lickens. I loved that. I loved that too. I want that to be my ringtone. Thank you so much, Michael, or Michelle. It might be Michelle. M-I-C-H-E-L-L-I-C-H-A-N-D.

Look, I'm lost. But thanks to that person. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBB-B-W-W-ROL.com. slash plugs. You can upload your themes there as well as find everything you need for the remixes. And what do we plug in? Christian. Obviously, you have this thing about the guy who ran a lot. Yes, Shamir Anderson playing Ben Johnson and hate the player. The Ben Johnson story on Paramount Plus Canada. Get your VPNs out, people. This super special exciting project filming in Toronto right now. Obviously, you're in Ebenezer. I can't talk about it. I can't say what it is. Maybe it's a buddy comedy this time. There is some buddyness going on. Whoa, exciting. This is exciting. Look for it in Christmas.

Oh, and I'd like to plug my small dick. Yes, King. I love to plug it in anything. Yes, King. Way to go. I'll plug it anywhere. And Kayla Diggy, what are we plug in here? Obviously, I am plugging Small Dick month.

It ends the 24th of this year. So get your small dicks out there. We have a really exciting thing for all of you liberal men out there, which is an improv workshop. where you learn how to talk over and yell over the woman in your group, tag her out, and then eventually get her kicked off the team. Also, you want to simulate sex with her at some point during a scene, right? Absolutely, and you want to pick her up.

That is one of my favorite moves. Get her very high. Yeah, and otherwise, Sky, obviously, I love podcasting. I love that small dick energy, so you can check out CBB World. There's some awesome podcast on there Like this book, Changed My Life And Hey Randy And Going Deep and all your small dick podcasts, Scott.

Of course, yeah. So check that out. Scott hasn't seen where a small dicked man watches a movie With another small dick man. Yep, obviously. CJ Lowry, what do you want to plug? I'd like to plug make your own meats. Lowry's is trying this new thing where you go

and you get a bunch of raw meat in a cooler and you can cook it yourself. Whoa. That sounds awesome. 85 bucks ahead. Whoa. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

And then you get to cook it yourself and have that own experience. It doesn't come with a push cart or anything. It just comes with us, you know, stories. So you supply the heat? You have to bring your own heat? Yeah. You supply the heat and you supply the meat. Oh, I wasn't going to say that.

What were you going to say? Condiments. Shoot, okay, that would have been better. That's good. Yes. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

So that's kind of one track mine. And then obviously check out Kayla's runover. car accident. Yeah, definitely check out my new feature film coming out. What's it called? It's called Roadkill, more like Roadbees. Interesting. Okay.

Yeah. And each, the reason we said it's so slow is because each word is on its own title card. Oh, very cool. Yeah. Okay, so it takes that long. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Very nice. I know. It's nice. All right, well, what do I want to plug? Look, the, the, speaking of beef, the, uh, Comedy Bang Bang Ground Beefing Tour, 2026.

We only have eight shows left at this point. We have September 8th in Denver. That'll be in Colorado. Oh, my God. Yes, the land of small dick. I'll just stay there. You should just stay there. I'll just stay there for the month.

You're going to love it there. Lauren Bobert can give you a blowjob in a theater. I love it. Okay. Nice. So September 8th will be in Denver at the Paramount Theater. And then September 9th, we're in Dallas at the Majestic Theater. September 10th, we're in San Antonio.

September 11th, we are back in Austin. We have a new venue for that show, so everyone check that out. Is it the Joe Rogan Comedy Club? Oh, wow, kill Tony. Wow. I believe we found a weird religious place instead. Oh, nice. On 9-11.

Like a church? Not exactly. I don't exactly know what it is. A Bible making factory? A church. I'm not sure. I don't know the story behind it. Hired by a church.

But, look, you know, we had to reschedule. Okay, so then September 19th, we have our big L.A. show, and Hey, Randy, is opening for that. That's going to be a huge show. And then in October, October 6th, we're in Huntington, New York. October 7th, we have rescheduled our Boston show after there were explosions underground, and our show got canceled an hour before. Oh, God. What? That's what happened? Yep.

And then October 8th, our final show in New York. Troy, New York, upstate New York. So check those out. All of the dates and all of the tickets are available at CBBWorld.com slash tour. And while you're over there, check out all the shows we have. And you can listen to all of the shows that we're doing the day after we do them if you are a member of the Maximus tier. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Plugs.

How the fuck would you know, Scott? Scott, did you fart? Excuse you. That was Deplug Wilder by Taylor Brousard. Thank you so much to Taylor. And speaking of thank you. I want to thank our guests. Christian, so wonderful to have you back.

Thank you for having me back. I don't know how many times I've been on the show now, but I appreciate it every time. I should look that up. Well, I also think... I fill my ego. My head is huge. It doesn't fit out the door by the time.

time I leave. I take that into all my relationships, moving forward. Way to go, King. Thank you. So excited to see what you do next. You're now a member of the 13-timers clubs. Whoa. Baker's dozen. Congratulations. And Kayla Dickie, so nice to see you again and congratulations on all your success. Scott. Thank you. Do you have another one on the way by any chance? I do. I have one in my ass and it's really exciting. Yeah. Okay. She's due soon.

And I will let you know when she comes out. You never know, you know. You never know. Yeah, it could come out at any time. Do you have a name picked out? Yeah, Char's. Chars. Chars.

Chars. It sounds like a Pokemon. Yeah, it is kind of like that, like Charzard, you know. Yeah. But it's not that. It's Charz. Is it long for Cha? What?

Huh? What? And C.J. Lowry. congratulations to you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate being here. And anything new in the restaurant? We barely even talked about the restaurant.

That's okay. Your main gig, I guess. Well, that's not my identity. But yeah, we're doing well. We're turning tables. Yeah, good. Yeah, it would be terrible if like people were just like people who came a week ago were still there.

Yeah, can you imagine? They only get one meal. You sit down, you get one meal. Yeah. Oh, do you have a one meal limit? Yes. A one meal, five hour limit. Okay, great.

That's some slow turnover. Yeah. Well, they're expensive, so the tips are great. Okay, well, we'll see you next week. Thanks. Bye.