Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Smut, Meme, Sting (Langston Kerman, Patty Guggenheim, Neil Campbell)

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

Comedian Langston Kerman joins the six timers club when he stops by to promote his upcoming live show at the Elysian Theater and his “The Aspiring Deadbeat” tour. Restaurant manager Gwymper Sanbag serves up restaurant etiquette with a side of hot celebrity gossip. And widower Willie Ward hopes to find new love. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A Bermin Banc, Bang, Comedy Bang, Comedy Bang, Comedy Banc, Comedy Banc, Comedy Bank, Comedy Banc, Comedy Banc, Comedy Banc, Comedy Banc. A bork in the hand is worth two in Kate Bush. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Sounds Like a Jerk. Sounds like a jerk. For that catchphrase submission, you know what? You don't sound like a jerk. You sound like a wonderful catchphrase submitter to Comedy Bang Bang.

So thank you. And hats off to you sounds like a jerk. I'm hoping that everyone listening takes off their hats. When I say hats, I hope you're wearing more than one hat today here in March. In like a lamb, out like a lion. What else do we have? That's about all I have in regards to March. I've prepared my own catchphrase.

If that's, oh, yeah, yeah, please. That's at all interesting. Yeah, I'll introduce you in a second, but go ahead. Yeah, no, I don't need introductions. You don't need any introduction? I really would just like to start with my catchphrase and then we'll. Okay, yeah, go ahead. I've worked on this for a while.

You've worked on it. Yeah, no, I've thought about it for a while. Okay. What do we got? Listen up, fuck face. Don't shit in my trunk and call it a traveling toilet. Pretty good, I got to say, like when it comes to get, usually they're horrible. Yeah.

And that is too, but horrible in the exact same kind of way that, all of these catchphrases are, so it was really, really good. Scott, if you're telling me, you couldn't see yourself saying that every single week, you're wrong. It felt like you could barely say it the one time you had to say it. You sort of in the middle of it got a little, I saw your eyes go up into the left. I'm like, wait, what's next? I've never felt more confident. I'm so centered in what I shared with you today. I agree that you've never felt more confident. Let me introduce you. By the way, my name is Scott Ackerman, coming up a little later on the show.

We have a restaurant manager. We also have a widower. So a very interesting show. But let's get to our guest of honor here in A-block. He is a stand-up comedian. He is an actor. He is a writer. And 10 years ago, this is the 10-year anniversary.

Something very special happened with him and I. Please welcome back to the show, Langston Kerman. Yeah. What's up? I forgot that it's our anniversary. It's our anniversary. Ten years ago. Almost to the date.

Almost because last night was the Oscars. Did you win an Oscar last night, by the way? Unfortunately, I did not. Yeah, neither did I. Okay. Yeah. I watched the whole thing going on. I'm liking our chances for next year, though.

Yeah, exactly. I feel like I'm closer to it than I've ever been. I agree with that as well. So as far as Oscars are concerned, I feel like. I've got a chance for next year. But you and I and some other people, we... Some throwaways. Some other randos.

We all wrote for the Oscars 10 years ago. And I'm glad we get to keep talking about it. In 2016, we all wrote the Oscars together. And we've talked about it on many shows across the decade or so since it's happened. In the 10 years that have passed, we have contributed it as much as we did. On the night itself. On the night itself, I got the wording of one joke. It's not the joke itself.

I worked on the wording of one of the jokes. You certainly walked away far more a champion than me when all was said and done. That's right. You famously did not get a single syllable on air. I'm not sure Chris heard my voice. the entire time that we worked. Chris Rock was the host that year. And we got to wear tuxes, though.

And we got to park in Hollywood and Highland special parking. Yes, that's right. That was fun, right? We got to walk through a section of where the celebrities were allowed to walk through. Yes. Before we were immediately shuffled into a base. There were no celebrities there. There were no celebrities.

But they were going to be there. You could smell the remnants of their perfumes. and cocaine, all the things that sort of made them... I think you were just taking cocaine in here. I know I smelled cocaine in here. I could blame the celebrities or I could blame myself. I'm choosing to project. Did you, a lot of people don't know when you do one of these award shows, you are required

to wear a tuxedo when you are a gentleman. But most people do not want to be out the money to rent one. That's right. They provide tuxedos for people who do not own them. That's true. Did you have the ceremonies provide you a tuxedo? No, see, I'm stupid enough. And I'll never forget this.

I think we're talking about this on one show. Go ahead, though, because I like the story. I'm stupid enough to have seen this as a beautiful opportunity, one worth buying my own tuxedo. Because you're going to be working on these shows, off and on for many years to come, right? Scott, it's movie's biggest night. I said to myself, I'm a part of movie's biggest night.

I should have a tuxedo. And no, I'm not going to take the one that they provide me. I can't guarantee it'll fit me the way I wish. And how many times have you worn it since then? Upwards of three and less than four. Okay, so as many as three, less than four. And what were the occasions for that? Were you ever writing on the Oscars again?

No, nobody's asked me to do it since. And I do worry that that won't ever happen again. But I think it could happen for both of us, probably. I mean, I know that we're not wrapped in glory on that particular one. And I barely even showed up. You also had the benefit of not being present for most of it. Yes, I had a sweetheart deal where my agent called me and said, they want you to write for the Oscars.

And I said, oh, no, I'm too busy. I can't. And then two weeks later, they called said, we made your deal for the Oscars. I said, I told you I can't do it. They said, oh, we told them that you were really busy and you were just going to show up whenever you wanted. And I did, which happened to be about three days. It really was cool to watch where you pop in and you had just this glow about you because you had seen the outside.

You knew what the world could feel like. I knew what it was like out there. Meanwhile, you guys had been just trapped in these rooms trying to figure out what to say about these. particular 10 movies. And that was Oscar so white's year. It was a really exhausting year of a lot of politics that that nobody wanted to take on any responsibility. It seemed like Chris was constantly fielding calls from the community. He would be like, oh, Jesse Jackson's on the phone.

Hold on a second. And you would like leave the room and have like a long discussion about what was going to happen and stuff like that. I'll never forget when Harry Belafonte called him and gave him a stern talking to a. And sang Deo on speakerphone. That was a thrill. Yeah, he cursed it Chris. And then he said, put me on the speaker with the writers. They need to hear me sing Deo.

I sound like shit. But I still know the words. I sound like shit and we want to go home. A very unique experience. Yeah. And one that I'm sure you and I will get to do again. In fact, I would even go further to say that you and I will only do it if we can do it together. I agree. I will not ever write for the Oscars again without you

being there. Without us, of course, you have to pay us separately. Pay us separately. We're not a team. We ain't a team, baby. Nope. We barely collaborate. We in fact didn't necessarily really even hang out that much. Although I do remember it was you, me, a guy named Neil Campbell. Yeah, Neil. And Steve O'Donnell from the Letterman show and various other shows. I think the, I think the, the, the four of us really created a cohort. And then Lance was a nice floater in our, yes, yes, that's right. And then you have Rich Voss and other people. Rich Voss was on the other side of the table, but, but we very much enjoyed his, his presence.

Yes, yes. Well, it's the 10-year anniversary and great to see you're still in show business. 10 beautiful years. Should we remember all the big moments? I got, we should also, I guess let's, let's schedule the podcast for 10 years from now as well for the 20th anniversary. I demand that I only be brought back for the anniversaries of the Oscars. I actually do think that you'll host the Oscars someday, and I'm not joking around about this. That's very nice.

And I do think that we'll do it together as well. I won't host the Oscars without you, Scott Ackerman. What a strange. Okay. Langston blew up this year. He's a huge movie star. He's agreed to host the Oscars. He'll only do it with this former podcaster.

This old elderly gentleman. I like the idea that I will get to do it, but it's so far down the line. It's not that far down the line, honestly. I think you'll get there. I really do. Langston, what are you up to these days? We, of course, have talked a lot about the time 10 years ago when you wrote the Oscars with me. I wrote the Oscars with you.

But since then, you've done so many things you've done. What was the one show you're on irreversible? What was it called? Oh, insecure, I think. Yeah, sure. You did insecure, other things. You know what's funny is I've been in enough stuff where I had to be like, was I on an irreversible?

I've agreed to some pretty bad things. It sounds generic enough that it could be a thing. No, I'm not proud of most of the credits I have. So it is cool when you're like, oh, no, I could have agreed to that. You had that great show on, was it Peacock? Oh, bust down. Bus down, yes. Six episodes.

That's right. They'll never give us anymore. But it was great. I went to the premiere of that. You did come to the premiere. Yeah, that was fun. Chris Red was there. He said he was watching me, watched the show.

Yeah. What I laughed at? Yeah, yeah. He didn't tell you anything else while you were there. No, why? What else? What did he have to tell me? All right, we'll talk off air.

No, we love Chris. We love Chris. Everybody loves Chris. Oh, no, it's everybody hates Chris. That's right. Not, not red. No, not red. Maybe Rock.

And that wasn't our experience. Chris Rock, very nice to us. No, it was very nice to us. Absolutely. Shut down everything we ever see. But that said, what are you doing now? You're a stand-up comedian. Yeah.

You have a big giant show as part of this. Netflix. joke festival, which I think... Scott, this show couldn't be bigger that I'm having. Really? Tell me about it. It couldn't be bigger. First of all, I feel like Netflix is a joke.

That's disrespectful. I don't like the way they speak about themselves. Yeah, I feel like someone said that about them and it like slipped through the chain or something. Have some confidence, Netflix. Have some dignity. Believe in yourself. Exactly. You're the biggest one.

You're the biggest one. Although you couldn't buy Warner Brothers, so maybe it is kind of a joke. Yeah, you broke, bitch. You couldn't buy Warner Brothers. Is this going to be your material, by the way, during the show? I do an hour just roasting Netflix. You fucking broke, bitch. Ted Sarandos.

This motherfucking loser is broke. He's not going to be there. Let's be honest. I wish. I really wish Ted would come. Tell me about this show. Where is it? Here in Los Angeles.

It's going to be here at the Elysian. At the Elysium. They call it a theater, but. How many seats are we talking? 150 at best an incredible opportunity is just going to be live streamed or anything I hope not I pray it's

it's a one night experience for all to enjoy so what's the upside for doing this show oh the upside good question you're on the poster I'm on the poster that's what we want we just want to stay in the mix exactly we want to be known as the people who would be invited to do a show at the Netflix as a joke festival

the feeling I would have been left with if all my friends posted every poster around town and then I wasn't allowed to post a poster. Exactly. The feeling I got this year. Yeah. And I'm sorry that happened. And I'm sorry to have brought it up the way that I did. But, but it is a tragedy. Do you start? Does the show start? And it goes, don't dong. I'm not sure, but I will ask. Do you require everyone to be watching your show for about five minutes and they start fucking? This is all material you could use on your show. I don't. I'm not doing the festival this year. I want it to be they turn it on and then they immediately get on their phones. And then they walk into the kitchen.

Second screen experience, which is really the first screen. Yeah. And then somebody next to them goes, do you want me to pause? And they go, no, I can hear it. No, it's okay. I'll keep up. Everything nowadays, you're writing it so people can hear it while they're doing stuff in their kitchen. Mm-hmm.

And so you've got to repeat information a lot, right? It's almost like everything's a podcast, but not. Yeah. And now they're doing podcasts. And now they're doing podcasts. Video podcasts. A gorgeous video. Gorgeous video.

You've never seen such gorgeous video. You think YouTube's gorgeous, but no, you get on Netflix, you go this video. Oh, crisp. Ah! The people on the video, ughos. Uh-goos. Let's put a bag of Asa Butterfaces. Not a cutie putty in the bunch.

Nope. But the video couldn't be crisper. Oh, my God. Not this show, though. No, we're not doing the video. People can come in here without makeup and feel. comfortable. I, I, um, I am gruesome today. Yeah, you are. And I feel safe being here. That's right. It's a safe space for you. You, uh, are, you seem to have some like surgery scars all over your face. What's going on with? I was hoping you wouldn't, you wouldn't notice. I would or wouldn't notice? You wouldn't. Those are, okay, because you said both. I, I, I struggled, uh, mainly because of the shock of you bringing up my greatest security. I apologize. I, but I mean, I, I feel like you opened the door. If this were a legal procedure. You were a legal procedure. You opened the door saying that you are gruesome today.

Well, I just, you notice the scars. I did audition for that Frankenstein movie that... The one that came out about six months ago? No, the one that came about a year and a half ago. Oh, that one. Okay, you auditioned recently? I auditioned for that. I was under the impression that they were doing a sort of second round on that.

Okay. And so I thought... Something like a Kevin Spacey, let's replace him with Christopher Plummer kind of thing? Look, man, the audition came across my table. I didn't ask a lot of questions. That's the thing. Like, we all love these classic old movies. And then everyone goes like, let's remake it.

And then they reshoot every scene. No, just replace everyone with modern actors. Put me in it. You know what I mean? Is what I say. Yeah, exactly. Like Casablanca put you in as Ilsa as bogey, whoever the fuck is in this movie. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And then it's like, oh, okay, this is a fresh new tape. Now this is a fun movie for your kids to see. Yeah, that's right. I thought that it's sort of getting into character and really locking in with the scars would help. For Frankenstein. For Frankenstein.

Yeah. That's why you have the bolts of your neck as well. I've never tried method. And so I had some bolts put in and unfortunately they're not. They're not taking it. It looks like they've oxidized and perhaps there's some sort of skin irritation. Is that what's happening as well? As I understand it now, Frankenstein only works because the skin is dead first.

Oh, okay. Next time you've got to get your skin taken off. have it sit out in the sun, I guess, for five days. I thought I could put new bolts into fresh skin, and apparently that's not the case. Well, Langston, I'm so sorry. Is this going to affect your big show at the Elysian Theater? What's the date on this show, May something? May 6th.

And something's close. Something is close. Pretty early in the festival, too, so it won't be out of gas at that point. They're going to be pumped to drive as far east as you can go to see me at the Elysian. Is people from all out of town coming to see you, like from all over the country? Or is this just an L.A. crowd who would normally go to the Elysian anyway? No, I think you're going to want to buy a plane ticket. I think look at some Southwest deals now.

Jet fuel's going up, up, up. It's going up, up. With everything going on in the world. That's as political as we get on this podcast. Thank God we're over there, Scott. And thank God. We're still going to have the fuel to fly you to Los Angeles to see me. No matter where you are.

Yeah. And that's, and you, you, you want, you let me know before we started, you are announcing a contest. Yeah. To fly 25 people from around the world, uh, in for the show on your dime. Yeah. And then, but then there's some special perks you were saying. I was a little confused by this. Exactly what, what are the perks?

Yeah, those details, I think are, um, um, yeah, we got a whole roll out that we're really going to, going to work through. This is, um, it. 25 of you special people at home, though. Red carpet experience. Red carpet experience, which the Elysian definitely has. If you've spent any time in the Elysian theater. Step and repeat with your face on the back.

You know, kind of like they're posing in front of your face going like, it's almost like you're behind him making faces. Now, you were not going to show up to this. You were mentioning, though. And in fact, you said you might cancel the show. What is happening with this? This is a strange festival is all I'm saying. Listen, Netflix has a really specific marketing plan for me.

And I'm just, I'm going with the, I'm going with the program. Are you doing the thing where they say like, hey, do our festival and we'll, we'll think about you for Netflix projects. And then you never hear from a member again. In my experience in showbiz, that is the whole thing. Hey, do our thing. And then we'll think of you for other things. Yeah, the amount of promises that I've sort of been made that have never. come to pass feel more real than anything.

Well, welcome to comedy bang bang. That's chief amongst them. And you did promise I would be the new host of this show. That's right. That's why I prepared my own catchphrase and you haven't brought it back up. Say what the catchphrase is again to see if you remember it. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Nope. I don't think shut the fuck up. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Is it really... Well, no, you don't stop there. You go, shut the fuck up. You can't shit in my trunk and say it's... a traveling toilet, welcome to comedy ban.

Okay. That's the whole catchphrase. You got there. You got there, definitely. Yeah. Okay. Well, you know, should I ever retire? I have to say, unlike that coward Mark Marin just quits his show, tail between his legs and says, ah, I can't do it anymore. I beg of you, take the microphones away from me, he's screamed. Mm-hmm. No, I am going to keep doing this show. Yeah.

Until, you know, I'm not going to quit. I may retire. Yeah. I may be forcibly replaced. I may be canceled, but I'm not going to quit like Mark Marin. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

You're going to fight through this all the way to the end. But should I ever do that, you will be, you and Jason Manzukas may have to duke it out a little bit because he wants to do it too. But I mean, we'll iron out the details. Maybe you could do alternating. And sure, Jason would be the obvious choice. Sure. He's earned it the most certainly.

and he has a clear relationship with you. Has been on the show ever since the beginning. He shows up for the important events. Sure. I've been here like six times. Are you in the six-time or course? I'm going to look this up. But the more important part of this is that John Stewart didn't pick the obvious choice.

Do you think Mark Marin don't pull a John Stewart where he comes back and goes like, I'm sorry I left. I'm going to do some more. You are in. the six timers club as of today. I never doubted it for a second. Your first one was but seven years ago. Oh my gosh.

You weren't even on the show until three years after we did the Oscars together. Yeah, no, that's fucked up. Yeah, no, when you really unpack it that way, that's pretty fucked up. And we worked together before that. We don't have to go into the details of all that. You were on a pilot I produced even before the Oscars. Yeah, we knew each other before then. Incredible stuff.

Well, Langston, this show sounds amazing. whatever you have planned for these 25 people, it's certainly not going to be indentured. Hey, servitude or anything like that. You know those little waters? They could have as many as they like. How little are we talking, by the way? The ones that you see in green rooms are even littler. The ones that you get at like kids' birthday parties and you go, this is rude that you would offer me this amount of water.

Well, you know, kids like to waste water. Have you noticed that? You have two children. Our children have met each other. I don't want to brag about that. They have, yeah. But kids, they love to go like, I want water. And then you give them a little bit and they go, more.

And then they throw away 80% of it. Most of it does not get drank and that is fair. But you're a man. Maybe have a little water and a big water. That's right. Like a family. Oh, what? Are you saying like only little people can come to this event?

No, little people and big people are both going to come there. Get some little waters and some big goddamn waters. Big goddamn waters is all we're asking for. That's all we're asking for in show business. Well, Langston, this is an exciting year for you. You're going to be hosting the Oscars in just 364 days. And I'll be right there with you. We got to get to work.

I'll be riding shotgun, baby. We got to see a Nora. Oh, shit. All right. We're going to take a break. But coming up on the show, we have a restaurant manager. That's exciting. You ever work in a restaurant?

I've never worked in a restaurant. I worked in several. So we have just two degrees of experience here. I think that's going to make for interesting questions. Yeah. Okay. I need you on my six, the same way I'm going to be on your six during the Academy Awards when you're hosting. That would be a weird hosting style.

You up there, center stage, and I'm behind you, like, ready. I just want you standing very, very poised. I want you just being proud of the jokes that work and disappointed by the ones that don't. Okay. You want it to be fair. I want you to be fair. You want, when a joke doesn't work, you want me to be disappointed in you or in the fact that the audience. Let's be honest about the room.

You want to mean? Like if that's Kate Blanchett's fault, that that joke didn't work. Then I should be saying DeCembe Matumboing, Kate Lanchette. Kate? Which is a word, a sentence. I'd say, I want a DeCembe Matumbo, Kate Blanchet. One thing DeKembe needed is more letters and you found it right at the end. Well, we're going to take a break.

We also have a widower here, and that is something I have zero experience with. So, and I believe you, have you ever have a wife die on you? Not yet. Okay, great. All right. Well, we both have zero experience with it. But let's take a break. Our good friend Langston Kerman is here.

We're going to be right back with more. Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang. We are back. We have Langston Kerman, aka Langstonkerman here. Anytime I post about you, people think it's one of the first. of my fake names from the comedy bang bang tv show it's a real bummer every time because i immediately see what they're seeing do you know i mean like i spent my whole life with my name and so i just

yeah it's just lanks and kerman lansing kerman and then suddenly like i post about you and everyone goes lang stonkerman yeah like over and over and i go that is a silly name you're right fuck well it's because instagram they've they've smush it all together that's that's one of my big platforms is Instagram allows to separate names. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like some of these big ass names, I can't even figure out what the fuck they're trying to say.

How are you getting the word out on that? I don't know. This show, maybe. Starting now. Maybe. By the way, we do want to say tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Which.

We miss you, St. Patrick. We miss you. But I want to mention that tomorrow, it's finally time to decorate for wet day. So wet day is coming up next month. Of course. April 10. April 10th, yes. Were you on a wet day show?

No, I'm just a big fan. I celebrate myself now. That's right. How wet do you get, Langston? Buddy, as much as the day requires. And we know what it requires. You know what it requires. Which is a fair amount of wetness.

So everyone decorate tomorrow. It's time to get your wet day trees out. Absolutely. Not out. I mean, they have to stay outside. You just dip the tip of the tree into an open window. But anyway, we'll talk about that on wet day. We have to get to our first.

guest, not first guest because you're our first guest, although you're more like family. And when you're here. Your family, that's a restaurant I used to work at, Olive Garden. Olive Garden. Yeah, two different ones. Oh, no. Yeah, what in Glendale? You got out and then you said, I'm back in.

I left the Glendale one after three days and never told him I wasn't coming back. Wow. Very cool. Very punk rock. Very punk rock of me or cowardly. But let's get to our next guest. They are a restaurant manager. That's right. That's right. Yes. Please welcome Gwimper Sandbag.

Hi, I'm Gwimper Sandbag. I'm a restaurant manager here in Los Angeles, and I have been doing it for 17 years. I love it very much. And I will have to report you actually to Olive Garden. I'm sorry. Do you have jurisdiction? Do you work at Olive Garden? I did work at Olive Garden for a number of years, and then I switched over to the hot, hot L.A. spot called Mama Padre. And I am a restaurant manager there. I have big ties to the Olive Garden So we'll have to report you to them. Okay.

I'm sure they're still, yeah, I'll pay whatever restitution is required of me. All right, well, you're not seeing this. I guess, and this is just my own ignorance. I thought she was like putting you in line

for jail time. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, just pasta jail. Pasta jail. Yeah, so you can't order their pasta for 15 minutes.

Oh. You have to wait 15 minutes. Wait, I can't order it until 50 minutes. minutes after I get it. That's right. You have to know. But then I have it already.

When you enter the door, you have to wait 15 minutes to order your pasta. That's usually the amount of time it takes to sit down. I don't know. They're pretty quick. The waiter comes over. Usually the waiter's like, anything to drink. And I already know what I want. I'm like, can't I just order the food?

Yeah. You got to wait. You got to wait. You got to wait. I'm working on my show next year. Yeah, that's good. As part of the etiquette for restaurants, that you have to follow the rules. Yeah.

And at Mama Padre, it's one of our hot, hot spots in L.A. and something where you. There is a dress code. So when you come in, if you're not wearing a suit jacket, we're going to have to give you one of those suit jackets off of a hanger. Oh, wow. I always wondered about that. How many suit jackets does any restaurant require, any given?

We have 10 different of each size. 10 of each size. That's right. It's basically a Burlington Coat Factory, LeBeck. So we have a tie with Burlington Gold Factory. That's good. So that we can get the right kind of suit jacket for you when you come on it. Are you adjoining to a Burlington coat factory?

Or? Yeah, we're adjoined. Oh, okay. So it's sort of like adjoining hotel rooms where it's just like, oh, okay, you open it up and go, we need another one. That's right. We have adjoining doors. So we can do whatever we need. Now, is there a limit in your mind?

We're like, all right, this is our 10th guy. This is getting ridiculous here. Without a jacket. Without a jacket. Oh, yeah, I don't know. If you're the 10th guy where you're not coming in. If you're above after the 10th guy, you're not coming in. Okay.

Yeah, we don't have a jacket for you. Yeah. And you can read the rules on the website before you come on in. I like that. Yeah. But I do like to make sure everyone leaves with a smile and a bully fill of food. And I like to stand at the door and make sure everybody gets a matchbook on the way out. That's where I like the food to be is my belly, usually.

That's right. Yeah, it goes right down your gullet. Now, what can I eat at Mama Padre? Well, funny you ask. I actually just have a new thing on the menu that comes from my own mama. Oh, I'm sorry, I've never heard of Mama Padre. is this restaurant It's a hot hot spot

I'm surprised you haven't heard about it's a hot spot and it's the top of L.A. I'm kind of an introvert I don't really good. Range four? Ranged.

Oh, it's ranked number four in what? Oh, number four in good or in bad? So it's really about the food. Okay. Oh, okay. And the ambiance.

Okay, that's... And the jackets. So a combination of those so it's... Uh-huh. This is... So it's probably not ranked four in food

like alone. I think it's four across the support. Okay. Here's a question I have about those jackets. Sure. And I'm sorry to linger on it as much as I have. What is the question?

What is the question? I know everything about it. I'm very proud of my restaurant and proud of the Buzz Boys, the lamps. All of it. Yeah. Go ahead. Okay. The jackets, I guess I wonder, is there a level of silly that I can do to my jacket to make it now?

Okay. Now you're talking about language. Now you're talking about language. If your jacket has something like a palm tree on it, I'm going to. You get a special song. Oh, I go up in your ranking. That's right. Because what were you trying to say?

If you show up with a silly jacket, you get turned away. Yeah, that at some point this is too silly for the restaurant. We love it. You love silly jackets. We love a silly jacket. We love a fun jacket, something with a print. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

What's the silliest jacket you've ever seen? There was a jacket with just a whole pile of sand in it. Inside the pockets? Yeah. Or just in the jacket itself? Somebody was like, I just got back from Kauai. Look at this. and they showed me a whole pile of sand.

They just showed you a whole pile. Now, the jacket itself was very formal. It was a formal jacket. And it had a lot of sand. So that doesn't sound like a silly jacket to me. That sounds like a regular jacket that has something silly in it. Scott, I was laughing.

It's pretty silly to me. If the effect was that it was silly, then it was a big joke. It was a big joke. The jacket was pretty puffed up, I imagine, from all the sand. The amount of sand that this person had. I guess you could say David Byrne, his jacket was silly, but it wasn't a silly jacket. It was just the size of it. It was a big. And that's not that silly.

That's not that silly. The jacket itself pretty normal jacket. Okay, but I guess my question is, let's say a pimp magic Don Juan walks into here. Get on in here. We love it. We love it. Some sort of velvet jacket. Yes. I love a velvet jacket. We have all kinds. Meon green. So many fun

people come in. A lot of celebrities. It's really hard to get a seat, but I did want to offer you a seat at a table. Got. Oh, that's where I like to eat my food. It's a small table, though. It's close to the ground. The size of the table, meaning the actual...

Yes, it's a small... It's low to the ground. Yeah, you're going to be sitting on your legs. Okay. Oh. Oh, no. All right. Well, I mean, I've done that in Indian restaurants occasionally where you're sitting on a pillow.

It's not like that, though. It's not like that. No, you're kind of sitting... You have to sit on your legs. How do you mean? Like, you got to fold up your legs and you got to sit on them. Oh, no. Like, do you mean criss-cross applesau?

No, you can't do that in our restaurant. Because then your butts on the ground. That's right. You're saying, you have to sit on your legs. Do you mean, like, I put my legs behind? You fold up? You know how to fold?

Sort of, but that's criss-cross apples. No. No, you fold them straight down. Your legs aren't separating your legs. They're staying together your full leg. I'm not double-joined. Is that going to be an issue? I think the way that he's reacting tells me he can't handle this.

It's the only table we have available at 430. I hope that's okay. Because we are a hot, hot, hot, hot L.A. I'm not hungry at 4.30. Well, I'm sorry. That's what you get her. You don't get it.

Are you saying today? Yes, today. We're in the middle of a show. Well, I'm saying at 430. You better be there. You don't get a restaurant seat. Scott, I don't know if you can turn this opportunity down. This is Mama Padre.

It's his mama Padre. We have an amazing new menu option. Okay. By the way, I did want to ask about the menu because you said something about your mother. Is this your mother and father's restaurants? No. No. No.

It just happened to be cold of Baba Pubber. Okay. The new restaurant. item is called a wet wet, wet chicken salad. Mm. And it is... This is perfect for a wet day. That's right.

I was thinking about that. It'll slip off her fork. It'll slip off her spoon. And it's... Just onto the floor? Yeah. Straight from the start, it's wet, wet. It's too wet.

It's not even wet. It's wet. It's wet. It's double the wet. It's extra wet. When you say wet, wet, chicken salad, is the chicken the only thing that's wet?

It's all slippery. Everything in this hour. Yeah. So what are the ingredients then? Chicken, obviously. You know, I don't tell our company's secrets. Oh, no, you have to now because of allergies and food allergies. You have to say what's in food now. No, we don't do any of that kind of stuff at our restaurant.

Oh, okay. Yeah, you come, you get what you're... I'm allergic to a lot of stuff. You come and you get what you're given. That's how we work at Mama Padre. I don't think I don't know that I can come to this. Well, we'll see it at 430. Maybe you're just not a Mama Padre kind of guy. Do you have a reservation for Langston here? I'm so sorry. It is Oscar weekend, so we're all poked up and jammed up. The Oscars were yesterday. Well, it's still part of it. where we are still overflow. People are still leaving the Oscars. Coming from across the prime and come to this thing.

And there's no world where I could join Scott for his reservation. Can you fold your legs? You were bragging about this folding legs? I will be honest that I didn't understand what she meant either. You were acting like a big shot. Yeah, I really didn't think this would come back on me. You were selling me out in front of our friend Gwimper here. I thought this whole-do-do-you-have-a-dirt? Do you have a little-legs?

Do you have a silly suit? I don't currently have a silly suit. You have a tuxedo. I do have a tuxedo. A tuxedo. Where are your tuxedo and we'll see Farkk. Do you still fit in this thing, by the way? It was 10 years ago.

I have to say I do not fit in mind. The fear that I have in finding out. That would make you feel bad about yourself. Yeah, I can't deal with that. I bet you could. I pray I can. We're going to fit you into that jacket. We're going to get you seats.

So we're sandwiched nicely between Kieber Suberland and possibly. I don't know, Rose McGowan. Oh, okay. Wow. That's a tough pair. Two big people from the early 2000s. They're going to be yelling at me. Yeah.

Very strided pair. Yeah, they got big feelings. Yeah, I get to see all the celebrities come in and I get to hear their secrets. They tell you your secrets. Well, they don't tell me. Your secrets or their secrets? No, their secrets. I try to tell them my secrets.

They don't care. Oh, no. When I overhear something. and somebody at a table talking and I, my ears prick up. So they're not actually telling you their secrets. You're overhearing. Well, I gets to go in a little bit and I mosey around the restaurant,

but I get back and I hear those secrets. Gwimper, would you tell us one of your secrets? Yeah, what's a hot, hot secret that you know? Yeah, just that. Tell us as celebrities and then one of yours. Okay. Yeah, I just want you to feel hurt. Have ever heard of something called Brad Pitt?

Oh, yeah. Have ever heard a little bit of something called Brad Pitt? I have heard of Brad Pitt. Yeah, of course. So one time you had the restaurant, okay? And I was over, I was just making sure everybody's having a good time. And I heard him say, how do you do that? What do you?

I'm just, hey, how's your, is your dinner going to do? Just asking them? You're not like, do you have any solution if they say, I'm not having a good time. I say, well, what can it do? Would you love a matchbook? Oh. Does that usually take care of it? That usually does it.

Oh, okay. Yeah, would you like a matchbook together? If I get to play with fire? Can I get you a free macktail? I'm having a better time. Mocktail? Yeah. If you get to play with fire, you're having a good time.

having a better time. That's actually another reason I wanted to come here is because I wanted to clear the story that we did have a fire in our kitchen. We did have a small bean fire. And so I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that. Some small beans were on fire or the fire was small? That's right. That's my biggest secret is that we had a bean fire and it was my fault. Yes. What happened? Why was it your fault? And I want to get back to Brad Pitt too. No, I'm going to tell you. So I was eating one bean and it felt. Why were you only eating one bead or one bean? at a time. Because I do, I'm on a fiber, low fiber diet. Oh, I see. So I can only give one bean. One bean a day. So I was eating my one bean and it fell into a burner and it did catch and then my hair caught and then the whole thing caught back there. Oh, no. See, you called it a bean fire, but really. It was really you were on fire. It was you were on fire.

Yeah, well. A little bit. Yes, I was on fire in the back and I did cause a little bit of a shutdown. But we're open and things are good now. We have air purifier and everything's okay. But Brad Pitt, okay. Yeah, Brad Pitt. So what are you going to do when you hear Brad Pitt say, Angelina? What are you going to do when you're walking by? Well, my ears are going to perk up.

Your ears are pinned. I'm going to bust a spin move. Right? I'm going to hope he's talking about a certain Angelina that I've heard about. We all know. I miss Mrs. Smith much. We've all seen the tapes. We all know what they did on screen and off screen.

We've seen it with all. movie, but we've all seen it. Yeah. So, Brad says Angelina, so I'm going to pretend like I'm doing about my business. You know, I'm going to put her around and I'm going to say, how's are you doing over here? But I'm really listening over here to Brad Pitt. Gotcha. He says

Angelina wants to use the car tonight. Wants to use the car tonight. So we know that they're still in contact and they're still doing something. So this is post-divorce. I don't think it's, this was yesterday. This was yesterday. I don't think this is just about The kids, I think they're doing stuff again.

So wait, they're sharing a car. I think they're doing stuff again. Some 10, 15 years after they divorced, they're sharing a car. That is the biggest bummer is that neither one of them has their own car. They have to share one car. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, celebrities, they're just like us. They're just like us. They don't have as much money as you think they do. That's right. You know, with taxes and, you know, representatives taking their chunk. And that's why they have to vote the way they do. That's right. And not to mention Hollywood.

accounting. Oh boy, it stresses me not even thinking about it. Yeah. Wow. Now, one thing I did hear is I heard about Timothy Shallamee. He was talking about the ballet a long time. Oh, Mr. Ballet and opera. I could have told you a long time ago that he was going to say something really sour and stinky about the ballet. He was saying this month ago and you knew about this? I knew it. And TMZ is always trying to knock down my door, trying to get some of this information. I don't know how he can sleep in night after what he said. Oh, my God. This is ridiculous. He's ridiculous. He's. He's. You know, with what happened last night of the Oscars and him, too, it just compounds everything. With the fact that he either won or didn't.

I won an Oscar. He didn't. You won an Oscar? Yeah, I won. It was in the, for the restaurant scene from the social network? Yes. The one where they did 80 takes? Was that in Mama Bodder?

From sentimental value, I did the restaurant scene. Oh, you did the restaurants and sentimental value? Yeah, I did the restaurant. in another country or something like that. No, that was my mama Padres. And when you say you did the restaurant scene, what does that mean? Are you directing it? I rolled up the silverware and made sure you looked right.

They used me as a restaurant consultant. I don't know that you would win an Oscar for that. Well, they had a new category, maybe you didn't watch the whole show, Scott. I mean, they definitely added casting. Right, I'm just right after casting. Maybe they meant casting the silverware onto the table. No, no, there's a whole category. Hmm, okay.

The restaurants. Well, congratulations. Congratulations to the restaurant. I'm on a high. You really are. That's why I've had a few little beverages, mocktails, and cocktails today. So I have let a few secrets slip out that I wasn't planning on talking about. Oh, okay.

So you've had a few mocktails and cocktails. That's right. I like to get spaced about. Yeah. No, that's good. One for them, one for you. Did you go to all the parties? Did you go?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Vanity Fair? Vanity Fair. No, we weren't invited. Even though you wrote it? You didn't get to go? No, we went to that one that was actually at the ceremony.

And you got some shrimp there, didn't you? When you write, they tell you, we'll see if we'll invite you to a party. That's right, yes. And by the way, your loved one is definitely not invited. But they don't tell you that until three days before. And they allow you to fly your then-girlfriend out, hoping that she might be invited and then find out. She's still married me. What a fool that woman is.

Incredible. She's hoping to go to one of these at some point. And she never will. Even when I host. Even when you host, because I'm your plus one. Yeah. Tell her to come in to Mama Padre. Tell her to come in and I'll see what I can do.

But Langston can't come in? Well, you could come in. I said if you have a nice jacket. If I have a jacket, I can sit as guy. And you can fold up your legs and sit on it. Yeah, I'm still not sure about the fold on the legs. Yeah, I'm not sure that I can go necessarily, especially at 430. You know, a lot going on here.

You know, I got a sprinkler guy coming. I got to supervise. Okay. You know, summer's coming up. We got to make sure this grass. stays green, you know. I got to make sure my water bill is even if we don't go. Grow your herbs.

Please tell us about the menu. Yes. Tell us some of the meals. What more do you need to do? We have the wet wet chicken salad. What's the type of food that you serve? A noodle. Just noodle. You're a noodle. Well, we love noodles and I got some of that information from. I did steal a few secrets from the Olive Garden. Oh, okay. Oh, really? And I did

say when you're hearing your family, and I did get sued pretty bad about all that. Oh, no. But you're still on good terms with them. But I'm still on good terms. I'm still on good terms. I keep my ear to the ground for them still. You knew you had done them wrong. That's right.

And so you... So I make sure to do them right now. I make sure to do them right. So a little bit of Hospitaliano. Right. So we do needles. We do wet wet, a lot of wet, just a wet food. Just wet food in general.

Yeah. Sounds great for wet day coming up. I have people come back. I have people come to me after they've had a colonoscopy and say, my stuff is never looking better because of all that wet wet wet slipping down. Yeah. It slips down, it slops down, it coats. It does a really good job.

It does everything there, yeah. Slips, slops, coats. Yeah. So I've had people come back. I'm sorry. You're telling me these people are showing up, and they're saying, you have my gratitude, because your food is so wet that everything just slipped immediately out.

Yeah, slips and slaps. Yeah, right. And the doctor liked this? They don't even have to take the, they don't have to take the before drink. They don't have to take the before drink because they're clearly. So you're basically serving colonoscopy before drinks at this restaurant. That is on our menu. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my goodness. Okay, this does, I mean, I don't know. I don't know, but I want to go to this. Regardless of Kiefer Sutherland and Rosemaguayette. This is L.A. stuff. This is L.A. stuff. The crowd is great. We can agree on that.

That's right. You're going to see all kinds. You're going to see Merrill. Marrall. Merrill. Merrill. Oh, okay. Merrill.

Merrill. The head of Merrill Lynch. The head of Merrill Lynch. You're going to see George. George of the jungle. Okay. Yes. Brendan Fraser himself.

Yeah. You're going to see George, Stephanopoulos. Oh, no. Okay. I mean, I've seen all kinds. I've seen Crystal. Just Crystal.

A woman named Crystal. Yeah. I was trying to think of any celebrity named Crystal. The only one I can think of is Gail. That was her. But it should be reversed. Shouldn't it? Gail Crystal?

I actually had to turn her day because of a. hair was too long and I said we can't have that slipping around our restaurant. That is going to get into that. Wet wet wet. Yeah. You got to protect your wet wet. Yeah. Well, look, I mean, you've convinced me.

I'll be there at 4.30. All right. I think you're going to like what you see. I think you're going to go home. Let the grass be damned. I don't care if it gets all brown and crunchy. Nature takes together itself. Bring back some of that wet wet, put it in your grass.

There you go. Bring back a sack of wet wet. And you got yourself some wet grass. Okay. And you'll give us the address. of where to go to because I've never heard of this place. It's a secret spot, I'll tell you. Oh, it's secret.

Okay. So how does anyone ever show up to this? It's people to show. People show. I think if you're on the right type of list. That's right. That's what our clientele is. I know what list you're talking about.

These are high rollers. These are people who know secrets in the downtown. All right. Well, we need to take a break. Can you stick around, Gwimper? Let me check my notes. You have it in your notes here? Got a pretty big one today.

Big one today. Yeah, I can stay. We'll get you out by, I'm not sure where it is in the world. Yeah, I'll tell you. In whatever time you need to be there. I'll tell you off the air. Okay, great. And you'll tell me off air what you were talking about earlier as well.

Okay. We're going to come right back. We're going to have a widower when we come back. So this is very exciting. Are you a widow or have you ever known any widower's whimper? No, I've never been a relationship. You've never been in a relationship? No.

That's an entirely separate thing that we don't have time to get into. That's a real bummer to go in to break with as information. Yeah, I'm going to be sitting with that for the next three minutes. Well, I mean, anyone here could make that difference. I don't believe that Langston or anyone here could make a change.

I'm not available, but there is a widower coming up. There is a widower coming up. Okay, that's true. I can't wait to meet to meet them. Langston, of course, is locked down because he promised someone a party invite at the Oscars, and she ended up marrying him even though she didn't get to go to this party. That's right. All right. We're going to

a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Langston Kerman. We're going to have more with Gwimper Sandbag. And we have a widower. This is a packed show. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang. We're back. Langston Kerman is here. Woohoo. Big, big show. Coming up at the Elysian Theater in Los Angeles, 150 seats. Gwimper, how many seats are in your restaurant?

We have 75 seats that are actual seats. So then we have about four tables of sitting on your legs. Okay. Oh. Could I get one of the real actual seats if I show up at 4.30? I will say I'm having a pretty good time here, Scott. So I'm going to put you in for a table. For a real table.

A real seat. Oh, so you invited him, but you didn't expect to have a good enough time for him to earn a real table. Listen. Yeah. Sometimes people are a no-show. Okay. It's been a thing. Yeah.

So if you get yourself on the wait list, which you've earned yourself today. Okay. Then you can get into yourself a chair. Okay. This sounds good. I mean, I'd rather be sitting in a... You have a jacket? Yeah, that's not too silly, though.

I think it's just a regular jet. Oh, my God. You're right. Quimper. Oh, I like to find one. Okay, I'll try to do something with it. Okay, all right. Spruce it up somehow.

We'll put some streamers in it. I don't want it to be, like, kind of ethnically offensive, though, with me. You know what I mean? Like, it feels like making your jacket fun. She feels like, oh, I'm going to put like something on it that is going to be culturally. You know, like, fun jackets are for black people, not so much for me. I'm not saying that at all. Although if I looked like one of the Kings of Comedy, would it be all that bad?

Scott the entertainer. It has a ring to it. We'll get you on the Oscars, thanks. Don't you worry. All right. We're going to get to our next guest. He's a widower. We're very sad to hear about that, but let's welcome him to Comedy Bang Bang.

Please welcome Willie Ward. Thanks for having me here, Scott. Hey, sure. No problem. This is Gwimper and Langston. Hi, hey, Gwimper. Hi, Langston. Hello.

So great to meet you. Willie Ward. Willie Ward, yeah. I'm 65 years old. I've been a widower for two years now. And I'm coming on the show because I wanted to let you know I'm ready to find love again. Oh, that's good. Yeah, my beloved Dorothy, she passed away two years ago, and I've been mourning her, but now, yeah, I want to get back out there, but I want to experience love.

And you wanted to let Scott? Yeah, you wanted to let me know or our listeners? I want your listeners to know, yeah, because Scott, I love your show, I love your sense of humor. Oh, thank you so much. And that's something I'm looking for, a woman, is a sense of humor. Hopefully not mine, because, no, I've prayed that I would be by, but I'm straight. I didn't mean that. I just meant, imagine my sense of humor on a pair of tits.

Hey, I wouldn't say no. In fact, it would be a quick yes. Oh, boy. But, yeah, so I'd love to get the word out to all the listeners. I'm looking for a new partner. You know, there are dating apps and means of more direct communication with perhaps interested parties. Yeah, yeah, those are possible, but I just figured this was the most obvious route. and I do this one first.

So you haven't even tried dating. I haven't tried dating anyone since I lost my Dorothy. When did you finally feel like you were ready? This morning. This morning. Yeah. Oh, man. And you booked this show.

Yeah. That kind of, that's embarrassing for you, Scott, that you didn't have. The fact that, well, all the celebs are leaving town post-Oskirts. That's sure. Not until they get a seat at my table. Oh, yeah. That's sure. They got to stop at Mama Padre before they fly out.

Well, I mean, that's great. First of all, that you have crossed that ruby. into feeling like, I mean, she was a very special woman. What was her name again? Dorothy. Dorothy Ward. Dorothy Ward. Yeah, she was lovely.

It was a tragedy when she passed. What, what, do you mind us asking how? Oh, yeah, she was gunned down by one of my rival drug lords. Oh, no. Willie! Yeah. No. Willie!

I'm sorry, I'm a ruthless drug lord. I sell some of the hottest designer drugs in New Los Angeles. Willie, you really baited us. in with your kind voice. Oh, thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, you know, I try to I have two sides, you know, a sort of work half and a home half, yeah.

What designer drugs? What are some of the hottest ones? Some of the hottest designers drugs? Yeah. Special K. Special K, that's a big one. Feels like an old one, though. What are some of the new? That's rings of 90s.

Oh, yeah. There's one called smut. Oh, what does smut do? What takes to smut makes you instantly want to jack off. Oh, fuck. Because it puts the hottest sexual fantasy in your head. One time I saw Joe Francis do it a whole bunch of split in my restaurant.

And then I said, I'll get jacked off at one of my sit down. So this makes you want to jack off. Yeah. So for me, I take it. It makes me think of Dorothy. Oh. Greatest sexual fantasy. Most people are taking it with the intention of getting jacked off.

You not having dated since Dorothy, you're taking me. Look, it gives you the impulse that you want to jack off. I just want to be clear. Are you on smut or not? Both of you think that someone else is going to do the jacking off. It sounds to me as if it just makes you want to do it. So that's what I'm trying to understand. Depends to what beads are at your disposal.

Are you doing smut and are you jacking off? Yes, yes. I do it every night and I think of my deceased wife and I jack off. It sounds to me like maybe you jacked off. You came and then you were like, you know what? I'm over this. Yeah, exactly. That's the sequence of events.

Someone else has got to start doing this for me. I'm getting up there in you. You have a lot of calluses on your head. Thank you. Is that a different drug, though, the one that gets you jacked off by someone else? My designers are working in the lab on something that sort of is like a magnet for hands. You guys have a whole lot. We don't have that yet.

Magnet for hands. Yeah, to get you jacked off. So you have drug designers at your own. Oh, yeah, yeah. We got a ton of drugs. We've got a, you know, they have some successes at some failures. Okay. So what are some of the?

failures. A failure? Slice. S-L-Y-C-C-E. Oh, okay. What did that do? It didn't get you high. It just cured the calm and cold and it's okay for infants. Oh, that's not good. Wait, that sounds great. Yeah, it sounds like something that you shouldn't, you just threw it away, you said? Yeah, we threw it away because it didn't, it didn't give you that dangerous high. Is every time it's a goal to do the jack-off? No, that's just smut. Smut's, yeah. That's pretty unique amongst your drugs. Yeah, the other ones get you high. All the ones get you high. Meme, that gets you high.

Oh, meme. And it's 1,000 times more addictive than smartphones. Oh, fuck. That's pretty addictive, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like you're, that's like a societal comment. Yeah, exactly. That's why we developed it.

Yeah. Oh, this, you went out going, we're going to make a, we're going to make this. A thematic. I just watched Dr. Strangelove, and I went into the lab one day. I said, we need a satirical drug. Yeah. You know, and so we made this drug that, yeah. How much?

How much does, I'm going to say a gram of meme cost a person? And how much do you have to take? Is it just a gram? A gram is exactly how much you take. Oh, okay. And, uh, yeah, like, one Bitcoin. One Bitcoin? Yeah, we only take crypto.

Isn't that like 18,000? Yeah, that's a lot of money. Hey, it's worth that when you, when you take it. How long does it get you high for? Uh, about, uh, about a fortnight. Oh, that's, that's not bad. Two weeks is actually pretty good. Yeah.

If you can clear your calendar, I guess. Langston, of course, you can't do that until after the show. Not at the Lesion Theater. Our top selling drug. Celebrate your big show. Yeah, May 6th. Top selling drug. Top selling drug. Sting.

Sting. Like the singer or like what be? Or the wrestler? Yeah, like this. Look, both of you said words that are spelled the exact same. So yeah. So yes. All of them.

All of them. Yeah. St.I-N-G. Yeah. Sting. Great. One taste instantly kills you. Fuck.

Why would anyone. take off because it gives you the ultimate high. Oh man. Of death? Right before that. Yeah, I suppose that might be too. You said instantly kills you.

Instantly, yeah. So there is no instant before dying. Good point. Where you're high. It sounds like sting is rat poison. You know, I just sort of believe what the guys tell me in the sort of R&D.

This is out on the streets? The sting, really? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Holy shit. If you've ever known someone who died of a drug It was Sting. Oh, okay. I mean, I hate to just really focus on these drugs.

Yeah, yeah. We could talk about my wife or... Well, I guess I'm wondering, was she in your organization? No, no, no. She did it. She was, she had, you know, she knew what I did. I didn't keep secrets from her or anything. But, yeah, she was, you know...

Turned to blind eyes. Turned to blind eyes. I don't want to know. Yeah, she was a lovely lady. She was a lifeguard and... Lifeguard, really? You made her work. Well, she loved guarding lives.

She was a lifeguard and you were giving people drug to kill them. Isn't that ironic that she was guarding lives and yet her life was lost and no one was there to guard hers? Well, I was there. You know, she was showing me some new BMX tricks in the cul-de-sac where we live. She was a stunt biker? Yeah, well, she was the lifeguard, but she liked riding a BMX. It sounds like she was just an awesome lady. Yeah, she was so rad.

Yeah. And I went in the house to get some lemonade and came out. She's lying there at a pool of blood. Car is driving off. Vanity plate, Sicario. Oh, no. Vanity plate. So how was the lemonade?

Delicious, yeah. You drank the lemonade. I drank the full glass. I had another one as well. You never... You never know how much you're going to appreciate the lemonade on the day that your wife died. You need to stay hydrated when this kind of thing happens. It probably is the most delicious.

lemonade you can have. It really was. It really helped. Because you're alive and she's not. Kickstart the healing process. You start to really appreciate life. Exactly. I have to ask, your wife was a lifeguard.

How old? 75. A 75 year old? That's fine to be, I mean, as long as you stay kind of in the show. Right. She would go to, you know, when they'd have the elderly swim, she would be the elderly lifeguard. They don't like, they don't like, you know, mix it up age brackets.

Oh, they don't like young, hot people to save them. Oh, I see. Because of a Baywatch situation, someone might change. jack off. They just don't trust. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. No drugs needed.

Yep. Pamela Anderson, I don't need any of that drug today. I got that show canceled because it was too much competition. Yeah, you don't need smut for that one. So she, I mean, she sounds like, where did you guys meet if you don't mind me? The beach. The beach. What were you doing on the beach?

Selling drugs. Oh. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. And yet these two Star Cross lovers got together, even though technically she should have ratted you out. She has some responsibility to stop the drugs being sold on her beach. Yeah, yeah.

Well, no, no, she was a lifeguard on this beach. We were just both enjoying a beachy day. What kind of bay that shoot was she wearing? Three piece. Three piece. Three piece. What's the third piece? Like a sort of strip around the middle. Like a mic pack?

Yeah, exactly, yeah. Was she on reality? She was. Is she on Baywatch? Was she on Baywatch? She was on a reality spinoff. They did the real Baywatch. The real Baywatch.

The real Baywatch. Cool. So she was, when you say, she wasn't a lifeguard, she was pretending to be a lifeguard. Well, you know, it's one of those things where they're filming in, so they have to, for insurance purposes, have a real lifeguard. Okay. Present. Got it, but she was acting like a lifeguard. But she was,

yes. So you're really splitting hairs, you're really being pedantic when I say she wasn't a lifeguard. That's a good point. I guess I was. Yeah. Sorry. Kind of an asshole move. I, you know, I'm still, there's a lot going on for me today. Yeah, you're real, you're outside. You're really trying to find love. Yeah. So what are you looking for? I mean, other than my sense of humor.

Sense of humor. Hey, doesn't hurt if you already own a bulletproof vest. Oh. But you do own some that you could provide? I own some, but if you have one that looks flattering on you, that would be great. Gwimper, are you by chance, an owner? Oh, yeah, that's right. Quimper, you've never had a relationship. I am, my ears are perked. I'm listening hard because I'm a little bit interested in this dangerous life. Do you own a bulletproof vest?

I do own, the Raystron business is very, and a Burlington Go factory. That thing gets robbed all the time. I guess the Burlington people would cook one up for you. Oh, yeah, you just ask them to sew that in. They sew it in. They could sew it in to my vest. Isn't it illegal to have a bulletproof vest? Don't they arrest rappers for it all the time? Oh, I don't think so.

I think they do. Oh, really? I think you can't protect yourself. What do you mean you can't wear a bulletproofest? I swear to God that this is a thing. Bad Bunny have one on at the Grammys. It is legally. It's generally legal, says.

AI overview for law-abiding citizens to own and wear bulletproof vests in the United States. However, it's a federal crime for individuals convicted of a violent felony to possess body armor. Oh, that's where we're going. What? I don't know why. Those people need more than... Right. Is it your punishment?

That sounds like a way to, like, um, yeah. Add some time to some charges. Exactly. Yeah, this is how they're keeping people down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I have no complaints about the criminal justice. But have you ever been incarcerated at all? Oh, no, no, no.

No, you've kept you. You mean in jail, not just getting in a car, right? So you are. I didn't say in a car race. Okay. This is not F1. Although, big win last night. Big win.

Big win. My Brad, my Brad. Yeah. But he was at your restaurant during the Oscar. That's right. Who would have predicted? They had to patch him in from my restaurant. You are.

you are this open about your drug practices. Oh, I'm untouchable. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Have you put the fear of God into cops or something by, I mean... Oh, yeah. I mean, they're on my payroll. Oh. That's really smart.

Yeah, yeah. I pay them. I mean, you know, I give them drugs and they all do the drugs and they are happy and, you know, they jack off and stuff. And I do think that maybe that's where other drug kingpins have failed is they weren't helping people jack off. So these dirty cops. So they are, it kind of tells you like, man, if dirty cops are happy when they take these drugs,

why aren't these drugs just legal for everybody? Hey, that's happy. You're preaching to the choir. Would you prefer they be legal? Because then the markup wouldn't be so high if they were. No, then I got all the paperwork of FDA approvals and all that. You'd rather they just, yeah. I just, yeah, I want to be a drug.

You stuck your tongue out like bleak. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As one of your competitors, the Little Blue Wheel? Viagra we're talking about, you know what I'm saying?

That makes you want to jack off. Does it? I don't know. I guess it doesn't hurt. I don't know. I don't know much about it. I've just only heard about it. I mean, look, yeah, I wish I wish no other drug.

I wish I could corner the market on everything. But, you know, yeah, we just meme, sting, gash. What's gash? Ooh. Gash. You take gash, and then you'll instantly, and it's always a crapshoot, which one, you'll see a member of the, order of the gash.

What is the order? Those are the Cetobites from the Hellraiser films? Yes, of course. Yeah, I got to ask Adam Scott about that. Butterball. Butterball, exactly. The chatterer. I mean, I saw a Hellraiser.

I just don't remember it. You should come on Scott out and see him. Sounds like you're a big fan. Oh, I love him. I've seen the quartet of Torbent. Yeah. Sometimes it feels as almost as if pain is just the other side of pleasure when it comes of those films. Oh, that's, that's a good analysis. Yeah, pretty unique. That is nice.

So what else are you looking for in a, in a, a partner? Uh, BMX is a plus. Okay. But not necessary. I'm not looking to vertigo somebody and make them exactly like Dorothy. You could be your own person. But you have all the bikes. But I still have all the bikes. Gwimper, are you by chance, um, an extreme lady? I have never done a BMX bike, but I'm ready to learn. I have but do skateboard. Willie, you parked up a little bit at hearing that. I, a beautiful lady here on the show.

I come on here thinking I got to wait for listeners to phone in. Or at the very least comment on the Instagram. Sure, yeah, we're not taking calls right now. Oh, my gosh. Gwimmer, are you all right? Oh, my. That's an astonishing amount of saliva. Yeah.

Wow. Bees-a-h-e-h-h-h-l-be-thes-l? Yeah. Has no one ever... Oh, my, what was that? Some sort of fart that came out of you? Have you had your one bean today? That wasn't fire at all that you were talking about.

Has no one called you beautiful before, Gwimper? No. Well, that's a tragedy, I got to say. Yeah, that is a shame. That is a tragedy. I'm not going to say it, but... No, what's... It's not front of mind for me.

I don't like to lie. No. It was not a comedy. But I'm glad that you feel that way. What else are you looking for? Maybe Gwimper possesses these qualities. I guess, I don't know, off the top of my head, sort of like an innate knowledge of like a seating chart.

How do you mean? What seating chart do you like? It doesn't matter to me, just as long as like you could be like, yep, I know where Table 4 is. I know where Table 4 is. That's a two-top. I know if they have their salted paper shakers. I know how to take care of these people at their numbered seat.

Okay. So, I mean, it sounds, I mean, that's out. Yeah. Can I just add one bonus? I am alive. That's true. You are looking for someone alive. Yeah, yeah.

That's been, honestly, we got along great, me and Dorothy over the years. And then the biggest sort of issue with us, her being dead. Yeah, yeah. The relationship just really turned sour. to my shrink and I'm always griping about another complaint about my wife Dorothy. No therapy. No, not alive.

Oh, you continued to complain about her even after her death. Well, that was when the complaining started. Yeah, exactly. The day after, yeah. Did you go to therapy the day after she was dead? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. It is a good time. You know, just strike while. I might need some

help with this. Yeah. So, I appreciate that quality. You know, if you guys want to go on A date. Under the table. Under the table. We'll record it. Under the table and dreaming.

Yeah. And then if you want to go on a second date, we'll pay for it. Wow. But the first date, you guys have to take a... If you meet on the podcast, you pay for the second date? For the second date, not the first one. And when you say you record it, like, we do it here or we... You put lobs on us and we can do it anywhere.

You record all the sex sounds? I notice you're getting very excited at the thought of loaves and Mike Pax. It reminds me of that three piece. No, unfortunately, we don't have that kind of a question. equipment. If you want to go on a date right now, we'll record it right now and we'll listen to it. Langston and I will sit here and we'll be sort of like, what was that TV show, the reality show, where people would sit there and comment on dates that were happening? Next. No, Crush. No. The one with the black lights?

I love that you have three right off the top of your head. One of those, but we'll do that for you. Do you want to maybe just have a little first date right now? Hey. Yeah, sure. Hey. Hey, have you. You're looking. Really? I'm loving what you did. Hi there. Welcome to Olive Garden. It's 15 minutes until you can order your pasta. Sorry. Can we go ahead and put it a wet, wet app? Sure. I'd prefer to get your drinks here first, though. Do you want anything to drink? What kind of water do you want? Just olive water sounds good. Olive water. And I'll take bread water.

I just want to make sure, are you saying olive or olive our water? Because we need to give it to other people. I went half of your water, but I want all of water. I'm sorry. I'm the manager here. Hi, am I doing you? Oh, I know you. No, you're doing fine. I know you.

And we have a history in the past. Oh, my God. Okay. You know this customer of mine? We've met before. She, Gwimper actually was an employee here once. That's right. Oh, okay.

Oh. And I confessed my love to you and you slammed the door of my face. Well, I think, I think, Gwimper, The timing was a little inappropriate. It was a staff meeting. Yeah, it's a work environment. That's not how we conduct ourselves at the Olive Garden. I didn't know love was on a timeline.

Now that she's talking about it, though. I have feelings for you, too. I have to say. And again, Scott, this is a staff meeting. This is a staff meeting? You're having the staff meeting at our first state table? I'm so sorry. I was waiting on these people.

Part of why I came over was to try to expedite. Oh, guys, we're not open. I'm so sorry. This is staff meeting. I totally forgot that. It's 4.30. I just got to add, though. It's 4.30.

I know where we can eat. Mama Padre. We have a table in the back where we sit on our legs. Oh, I can do that. I'm very flexible. Let me bring the mics. I've never been wetter. How far is it?

It's only six more blocks. Sixty more blocks. Time dissolved. do you do to do. Right this way, right this way to the back. Wow, those 16 blocks. Did you ever see that movie 16 blocks? Hey, sorry.

I'm the, I'm the junior manager here at Mama Padre. Hi, Keith. Hey, nobody's seen that. Oh. We don't, we are, you have on a jacket. Thank you so much. We don't talk about the movie 16 blocks at the restaurant. Do you take customers without jackets?

No, no. Tell them, Keith. I mean, without silly jackets? Is my jacket silly enough? Please come in. Do you have any judges who can look at my jacket and determine whether it's silly enough? I'm looking at it. The judges from a Burlington factory.

Yeah, but it's silly. It's a jacket. There are judges in the Burlington coat factory? Why do I have to get the judges? It's just. Who's this guy? I'm trying to look at your jacket and figure out if it's silly. Are you one of the judges?

I like the flamingos eating chili. Yeah, I thought that was a silly touch. But I think we can all agree it's silly. Why do I have to call the judges to come? Why does the caption say, it's flamingos eating chili.

And then it has a caption that says, why am I not surprised it's Tuesday? Which that part doesn't even make sense. I don't get it really. Yes. I got it from the newspaper. funny page. Yeah, it's objectively a silly jacket. More questions and answers. I'm not in disagreement about it being silly. I think we can invite this person. I'm silly. You know what? Fuck all of you. I don't want to eat here anyway.

You don't have to be this way. You're more than welcome to eat. Goodbye. I'm taking my mic with me. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's weird that we can still hear her in the headphones. I know. Was that Kate Blanchett? That was. Oh, shoot. Kate. she's a regular. Yeah. Wow. At Mama Padre. Yeah.

Well, you're on the clock, Keith. You're taking over while I'm on this date. Okay, yeah. I'm sorry. Please put in your order whenever, but thank you so much for me. Yeah, that sounds great. That'd be perfect for me. We're going to get two orders of the wet wet wet.

Two orders of the wet wet is what I'm hearing. And I'm going to write that down and I'm going to get real. I'm going to get started on it. I'm another patron of this. It makes me. Wow. I just had to comment. Is that the health inspector? I just had to comment.

This guy's technique is amazing. He heard the order and they decided to write it down. I'm going to get started on that right away. Just one question because you are both getting the wet wet. Do you want that in a single one wet wet bowl? Yeah, we're going to sloop it up together like Lady and the Tramp. Okay. Sounds good.

Big old wet, wet bowl coming up. Where's my food, by the way? Get Leonardo to Cabrio his food, please. Sir, Big winner from last night. It's a... Big winner.

I know we didn't take F1-1, but... We were all disappointed that the movie didn't win, but... You part of the five-way tie for actor. Yep. Leo, it's an honor to have you here in disguise as usual. Of course, yes.

And we will get you... And my girlfriend is in disguise as a 40-year-old. Yeah, that's right. Unrecognizable. She's got our big girl clothes on. And she's doing... Big Girl things at Mama Padre. Nice suit jacket on the girl.

A beautiful suit jacket. We ordered 60 seconds ago. And just for a second, remind me what is it that you ordered? I have the dry, dry salad. Dry, dry salad. That's our specialty. That's, yeah. I had heard that.

It has a lot. You've seen it, Keith. You have it. When we had our staff meeting here and I have everybody try all the new dishes. Yep. And what did you say? This thing. crunches like nothing I've ever crunched it's got a lot of sand in it I heard from someone's jacket

yeah it it well that's what we do we we dip croutons in a sand say no more yeah I'm really hungry though I need my food okay yeah and I'm sorry to upset you missed oh that oh that was Harvey Firestein he's also okay you just want to be loved is that so wrong you lost a lot of weight man I did because I've been eating I'm really hungry. Yeah. And again, I'm sorry to interrupt your date. Please go back to everything you're on.

We've been playing a lot of footsie. Yeah. And I've been trying to kind of hint at plot points from 16 blocks. So with your feet? Yeah, exactly. Mars code. What was the plot of 16 blocks? Sorry, I thought I was pretty clear.

Don't. Oh, right. Sorry. No one's ever heard of that is what you were saying. Leo, respectfully. Uh, you have a table. You're here with, um. Leo, is your girl not keeping you interested? I, not really, honestly.

I told her not to talk tonight. And I'm just looking for some human connection. Do you guys mind if I join you? Uh, what do you say, Ward? I guess so, yeah. Uh, why are you calling him by his last name? We're very comfortable. I've been playing footsie with his dong all night. That's nice. Did you take some of that drug that I've heard about that makes you want to jack off? Yeah.

Smut. I believe it's so. Smut. Do you have any extra smut? Sure, here you go. Ding. Goop. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This feels amazing. Fuck. Wait, this is the one that makes me die instantly. Oh, shoot. Mixed them. Rats.

Leonardo DiCaprio died in front of us. Oh, no. Oh, Harvey. But Harvey is so sad. First of all for you, Harvey. You were closest to him. We were best friends. But please.

Well, what a date. Your love, do you... It's palpable? Yeah. Well, I think if we say it was successful, then they pay for the next one. So we should we just say this was a good date? This was successful. Hi, Scott Ackerman here of Comedy Bang Bang.

Sounds to me like we're paying for your second date. All right. All right. So this went pretty well, I think. Yeah, let's run back to the studio. Oh, I just ran into one of those food machines that drives. You guys are out of breath. I never left.

Yeah. What's been going on here? We were gone for hours. Leo Capri is dead. Did you see it on TMD? I did catch that. Yeah. It really would have helped me if you, like, mentioned how long you were going to be gone.

Yeah, Willie killed him by shooting the wrong drug into his mouth. Wrong pill. Yeah. That's not cool, man, but you are untouchable. That's true. Yeah. Anyway, but how did the date go for you guys? It sounds like you're both still interested.

Yeah, I'm in love. I'm in very much love. Yeah. This is what love is. You see a future? I want to know what love is and I know now. Oh, yeah, the song means something. And you don't have any qualms, squimper about what Willie does.

I can change him. Oh, okay. Willie, are you okay with that? Somebody who wants to change you? Yep. Are you looking to get out of the game? Hi, hey, I just, my most important thing is I want to be with someone who loves me. And yeah, so Dorothy never tried to get.

Family's more important than career. Dorothy never said, hey, I don't know. No, I would always drop hits. She should try to change it. She never wanted to. Okay, so you're on board. Whoever wants to change you. So I was like, you know, I think families were important.

If you don't want me to do this. No, no, no, no, it's fine. Okay, so who's going to take over your drug empire? Because Langston and I, honestly. We only work as a team. That honestly would be a perfect pair for a drug empire. We can take it over? It's all yours, boys.

If you're not going to write for the Oscars, you might you can sell drugs. Yeah, to get you a girl who can do both. That's right. This sounds great. Okay, well, I think we have a. deal, guys. Yeah. This is fantastic.

We'll pay for your second date unless, your second date isn't going to your wedding. Can we go to a water park? Yep. We're going to Hurricane Harbor for our second date. How much are Hurricane Harbor tickets these days? I think they're about 375. 375.

I would say the second part first. She was like the first part. Because we got to get a fast pass. You guys sentence each other's complete. Yeah. Wow. Well, guys, this is we've made love once more on Comedy Bang We love to see it.

We are running out of time, though. We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs. All right, that was metal, but plugs by gus, by goofs and gigs of love. gigs. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBworld.com slash plugs. You can find everything you need over there to upload it. And you can also find things to download for some stems you might need for the remixes for closing up the plug bag remixes. All right, guys, what do we want to plug? Langston, Big Show coming up. May 6th. Come see me live at the Elysian Theater in Los Angeles.

I'll be telling my coveted little jokes. And it'll be a great time. And you can follow me at all at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. And if it's Langstalkerman for you, that also works. You'll take them as well. You enjoy the comedy bang bang fans. I enjoy them just fine. Sure. You don't want them necessarily coming to your show. We don't talk about a lot that we probably would understand with each other. But I like you guys a lot. Do you have shows that are not this one particular show as well coming up at all? I'm on tour right now. It's the aspiring deadbeat tour. I'm hitting all sorts of cities near you.

You can find all that at Langstonkerman.com. Wonderful. All right. Gwimper Sandbag. What do you want to plug here? I want our mocktails and cocktails and the wet, wet chicken salad. And then I'll go ahead and plug. I overheard some clientele talking about a show coming out this summer called The Hawk.

The Hawk. Oh, yeah, Will Ferrell's show, right? Yeah, I heard him talking about it. Oh, okay. This is his Netflix show about a, is it a golfer? He's a golfer. Yeah. And he hits a ball around, pushes it.

That's what golfers do, right? They push the ball around. They try to get it in a little hole. Yeah. What if they make the hole bigger? They should make the hole bigger. I'm not talking about golf right now, if you know what I'm saying. Hey, I have a boyfriend now, so I get it.

I have a boyfriend now so I get it. Make it huge. Trying to swim in that thing. I want to hear an echo. Am I right, guys? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I have a boyfriend. No. So that show and then anything about Patrisket on any of socials.

Okay. Okay. And Willie Ward, you obviously don't have a drug empire anymore. Are you watching any TV? Widower Willie Ward, the lovelorn drug lord. That's me. Yeah, one of my clients also wanted me to promote something. The animated show, Digman. If you've ever heard it promoted on this show before, you went... Andy Samberg and another gentleman have come on this show and talked about this. Yeah, they created it and they probably were like, oh, maybe I'd want to watch that. How do I do it?

I needed to be watching Comedy Central at 1030 on Wednesday like it's the 90s. Yeah. So if you were ever, like, I'd like to watch it, but it seems difficult to do. Starting tomorrow, March 17th, on Netflix, both seasons now available. Incredible, because it was a Byzantine process of how to watch the show before. And now they've removed all barriers. other than the money that Netflix requires you to pay them. Yes, we're happy to give them.

We love giving them their money. More people should give them their money. Yeah. But it's both seasons. That's great because I was worried it was going to be a windowed process of one season than another, but it's just both. I'll say this. I was told both seasons and nothing would surprise me at this point.

So you're in the know about this kind of stuff, Willie. Well, I was told by my client, Neil. Are you a manager? My drug client. He's addicted all my different drugs. Oh, even the one that kills you. Yeah. Well, I guess not that one.

He's saving that one. He's a fake tooth. Yeah. Well, that's fantastic. I want to plug, hey, head over to CBBworld.com, Comedy Bang, Bang World.com. Over there, we have the full archive of Comedy Bang Bang, all 970-od episodes of this show,

plus over 100 live episodes, all ad-free. We also have, other shows there like Womp It Up with Marissa Wompler. Hey Randy with Randy Snuts. We have College Town, The Neighborhood Listen, ad free freedom. So much stuff going on over there. And hey, we have a new website as well. We just spruced up the website where you can go on that and make your own playlist. You can search by character. You can do all sorts of really fun stuff over there. So go over to CBBWorld.com. You're going to really like what you see over there. And also I have something coming out with DC Comics.

I wrote a Batman story for the new Mad Magazine thing coming out on April 1st. So go check that out. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. I want to close the bag, baby. And I want to close it tight, baby. I want to close that bag. I want to make it right. And I want to kiss.

I want to kiss. I want to kiss. Everybody, now you know. All right, that was Kiss Kiss, Kiss Close by Daniel. Thank you, Daniel. And guys, Speaking of a thank you, Langston, it's almost not enough to say thank you anymore.

You're a member of the Sixthamers Club. Yeah. You're a legend. Give you that jacket. Yes. Come on. Not a silly jacket. Not a silly jacket.

A serious jacket. A very ceremonial jacket. Wouldn't necessarily get you into. Snorfest jacket. It is a snorfest. It has Snorfest branding and love. logo on the back. That's okay. That part does suck. The one time that we tried to get Snorfest going back in 2019. But, Gwimper, I want to thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I've had a

blast and love. And you're finally together with Willie Ward here. He's out of the drug trade as of now. And I'm been to love as well. And by the way, Langston, I've checked our joint bank account. I open a joint bank account. I hope you don't mind for our drug business. Oh, yes, of course. Right. How many joints do we sell every year, by the way? Thousands of joints. Thousands of joints. Fuck. Wow, that's a lot.

This is an empire. Check out these numbers. Woo, doggie. That's how much we're making now. Fuck. We don't need show business anymore. No, show business sucks compared to that. Call Ted Sarandos.

Cancel your show, man. We're drug lords now. Let them call me. Yeah, exactly. Netflix is a joke compared to the drug business. Hell yeah. Gwimper. Whimpers.

Thanks so much, Willie. I got to say. Yeah, I really appreciate all the money. He really traded love for all that. By the way, I'm looking at my window and I see a car parked outside. There's a vanity license plate I'm trying to make out. I think it says... S.

Well, hey, don't... Well, that might be the dog catcher. And maybe it's a Truitt officer as well. You don't see dog catchers. and truant officers enough these days out on the streets. Yeah, not the same room. Yeah. Interesting. Oh, no, it says Sicario. Not my problem.

Oh, no. That's for us. That's for us. Bye! Hopefully, we'll see you next time. Bye! I'll cancel your reservation.