Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Spank Of America (Lisa Gilroy, Zac Oyama, Angela Giarratana)

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Guest Lisa Gilroy joins the one-timers club (really?) as she discusses her roles on Apple TV’s “Brothers” and NBC’s “The Paper,” along with dishing some Hollywood inside scoopa-loopa-ding-dong. Then, Scott’s neighbor, Criminy From Coople Street, encourages everyone to cross the river to find community and give him money. Jersey Mike returns with new ideas for his restaurant chain. Finally, Cockroach Rick is back with exciting relationship news! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Comedy Bang Bang Episode Number 9, 8, 6. I like to keep myself grounded, so no TV until I get my grades up. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Alvaro Mendez from Panama for that cashphrase submission, and thank you so much. I forgot to say your name when you did a submission at a live show recently, and my apologies, but Alvaro Mendes from Panama,

catchphrase superstar, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for a number. week. We have an exceptional show. Coming up later, we have one of my neighbors is here. We have a fast food impresario is here. And we also have another neighbor of mine, I guess. But before we get to all of that, by the way, my name is Scott Ackerman and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. If this is your first episode, welcome. If this is your last, I get it. And let's get to a are guest of honor. This is her first time on the show. She's entering the exclusive one-timers club. This is so exciting for her. And she's never been on the show before. We've barely met.

And yet here we are across a table from one another. Isn't that interesting how life works? Did you ever think we would be across a table from one another? I have always wanted to meet you, Mark Maren. Uh, uh-oh. Wait, is this not WTF? You have me saying WTF. Why the face?

Why this face? I don't get it. No, she is, of course, an actress or a comic actress, I'm not sure. Or do you prefer just non-gender, just actor, comic actor? Award winning actor. Award. Oh, which awards have you won? Probably more than you could ever name.

Really? Have you heard of the Canadian Comedy Awards? Don't laugh. Who were you up against in these? Canadian comedy or do they just award a person without any nominees? There were nominees but I can't remember now what they were. Oh and I was nominated

for a Canadian Screen Award and I lost to Napkin Man. What is a napkin man or who is a napkin man? Huge Canadian celebrity. I gotta get him on the show. Excuse me. Him or her. Napkin. Napkin Man might be a woman. We don't know. Yannick Bisson. That's his name and he plays

Napkin Man and he is a thrill. And so I was happy to lose to him. Okay, I'm writing my producers right now to get Napkin Man on the show. You've got to get Napkin Man on the show. But instead we have this comic actor, award-winning actor on the show. You can see her work in not only the new season of The Paper out on Peacock right now, but she's hopping across the streaming services over to Apple TV, where she is co-starring in the new show Brothers.

which is out now on Apple TV. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Lisa Gilroy. Hi, Lisa. Hi, Scott. Thank you for having me. It's so nice to meet you. Oh, it's so nice to meet you. It's a thrill.

I mean, I've been a big fan of your work since those Capital One commercials. Is that where you were in? Bank of America, honey. Bank of America. See, it didn't work. Isn't the goal of advertising is to get you to sign up for whatever thing it was. No, that's not true. It's just to remind you of bank.

Did I remind you a bank? Yes or no. You did remind me that banks exist. Then the commercials worked. But, I mean, watching It's a Wonderful Life did that as well. But that's supposed to remind you of Christmas. Yeah, okay. It reminded me a bank, though, more than Christmas.

Well, then that's bad advertising. Well, it's always a good day when you get reminded of heaven. And women named Mary. Yeah. And old maids. Okay, that's enough. Okay. I'm getting reminded of heaven right now.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's so nice to be you. Because you're a little angel. Oh, my God. I like you. I like you. I'm sorry I said fuck you to you after you told me that's enough. That's fine.

It's wonderful to meet you. You are, it seems like you're blowing up and you're... I hope not. What is there, a bombs dropped to my chest? Scott, I'm having so much phone. We got to make sure you go over 55 miles an hour. I don't understand. Well, it's a reference to something that happened 30 years ago on the streets of Los Angeles and in the subways.

Well, you know, the remake of this now is Gal Godot and she's on a big run. Oh, is that the... Is that on Apple TV? Jog or your mom explodes. Have you seen the movie? Honey, my mom exploded from not jogging. Honey, my mom got to be jogging or my mom be exploding.com. Is that truly the premise of the film?

I think so. I saw the trailer for it. It looks like she is going to explode if she doesn't jog hard enough. And she seems to have no problem with it. I mean, that's exactly, I mean, it's like a gender swapped crank. Did you see crank? It's almost like a bus swap, woman swap speed. That's right.

Oh my God, to swap a bus for a woman, that's my dream. I have too many buses. I love more women. I know. Yeah. Speaking of women, Lisa Gilroy's on the show today. Oh, my God. She is everywhere on our screens.

Two shows that are out right now that have come out just shaboom, shaboon, right on top of each other. How does that feel? Shaboo! La la la la la la la la la la la la. I would love to record a song with you. Me too. I think we could do a delicate harmony. We could, yeah, a little too delicate.

But I would What is it like to be in the center of the store? I'm very, I've never met anyone like you before. You're shaking like a leaf. On the precipice of fame. Right. Not quite there. Right.

And no one really even knows your name. Exactly. But you're here to rectify that. And the journey might be, you know, that's why I'm so relieved to be talking to you today. Because you're the only person that I know that's kind of come right up to the precipice and then gone right back again. Yeah, I retreated because I didn't want it. I didn't want it. Right. Right.

You know, I saw the toll that it takes on a person, and I was like, not for me. You said, no, I'll stick with the buses. But you, in a private conversation that I had with you before the show, you were like, I'll do anything to get famous. I would just drag my body through broken glass. Yes, I remember that conversation because then you said, if you have sex with me, I'll put you on my podcast. I do remember that. And yet, what happened? Because you're here.

I, I, it. That was so crazy. I remember. I was, like, 18. I was on Harold night at UCB. Fun memories. But anyway, you're almost there, or you could not be there. We have no idea, but you're in a lot of things at the very least, including this new show, Brothers.

Brothers, brothers, brothers. Everyone's talking about brothers, but what is it? But what the hell is it? What is this relationship? Do you have a brother? We don't need to get into my personal life because what I want to talk about is your professional life. Awesome. That's what makes you an amazing interviewer.

Do you have a brother, by the way? I don't, but I always wanted one. Yeah, but you decided being in the show brothers was good enough. What happened? Well, I'll tell you what I lied in my audition. What? Yep. Yeah. What did you say? I said I can ride horseback. I can do fence. I can do fencing and I have a brother. Oh, okay, wow. And you do not have a brother. And how to, so then are you on set and they're like, okay, Lisa, play this. You know you have a brother. Exactly. And the director would come in every morning go, brother check. And everyone kind of goes around the circle and says, raises their hand if they have one still or not. Yes. So, you know, Brother Check, some people go older, younger, like say stuff like that, some sort of qualifier. Yeah, same age. Twin, redhead, stuff like that.

Triplett, quadruplet. Quintuplets, Andy Richter. No. He was on a show called Quinn Tuplets. Oh, I thought he was a quintuplet. Wouldn't that be interesting if he was? I would not believe you if you told me that he was. Really?

Do you know why? Because it's not true. But also because if you're a quintuplet, you're going to have smaller legs. Oh, interesting. Because there's just simply not enough room for all the... Exactly. Yeah. It's a pack sack in there.

And so not everybody gets to grow to full capas. Packed sack, yes. Interesting. Packed sack, half capas. Those are kind of the offspring that come from that. So tell me about... So what happened to you? Definitely no twin on your end, huh?

Because those legs are stretching for a mile down. Oh, my gosh. Let's not talk about my body, though, because you've come in here and already sexually harassed me by giving me a hug the minute you walk into the room. I didn't enjoy that. But let me know about this show Brothers, which is on Apple TV right now and people can watch these episodes. What is this? What the hell? Okay, Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.

There was a rumor that they were brothers. Did you ever hear that? I did. I did. I did. And what did you make of it, Scott? Well, I thought this is just. Horshit.

This is absolute fucking horseshit. And I, the person who told me that, I just pushed them down the stairs. down the stairs so that they wouldn't tell anyone else this ridiculous rumor. Wow. Okay, I thought that an owl had injured your wife. But now you are saying, in fact, you pushed you. I pushed her down the stairs. Yes, I killed them all, of course.

And the burping. That is just me. Yeah, so there was a rumor that they were brothers, and then so they made a show about it. And I got to be on it. All rumors should be shows, right? That's right. Yep. Any rumors flying around about the old Ackerman?

Nothing really about me. you know, in the last 25 years because I haven't done anything interesting. Oh, but that's not true. You made Sharksdale. That was unfortunately in 2002. Oh, fuck. Okay, then yeah, I guess you haven't done anything interesting.

So these two movie stars. Juggernauts of the industry. Yes, juggernauts of the industry. I mean, incredible careers. Woody Harrelson has been on our television since Cheers back in the early 80s. Then he segued into movies

with the now you see me, now you don't. series. I believe it's pronounced Segued. Oh, I'm so sorry. Um, yeah, Segway is the thing you write on. That's right. So, yeah, when he segued into, like, movies and stuff like that, you know, now he's kind of Segued back. So he's on a series again for the first time and yet. And yet he's still in movies because he just played that, that Rapscallian magician in the Now You See Me series. That's right. Just last year. Right. And yet he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's take a step backwards. Let's go on TV and let me get with Matthew McConaughey, who also.

You know, he won the, did he won the Oscar? Did he won the what? Did he won the what? Did he won the what? Did he won the Emmy? I can't remember. Remember he was up for both of them in that calendar year? I think he wined the Oscar. He won the Oscar. I think.

And then the Emmy, he did not want. He did not want to that? I don't believe so. He didn't want one of them. I hope that their nominees nominated for this. For this, yeah, because they did so well on the Emmys the other night. They presented. They presented.

And, you know, they asked me to do it, and I was like, you guys have your time. You know what I mean? Because I know. The rumor's not about me. Exactly. But they wanted to do kind of like a three kids in a trench coat kind of thing. Right. Oh, they wanted to be a super tall, like a 10 foot tall person.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How tall would you be if you were stacked together? I would guess McConaughey, I've worked with them once. He seemed to be about four foot eight. Three foot eight. Yeah.

And you're four foot one. Yeah. And Woody is like two, two, two, I think. Yeah, because Woody stars a lot in those, like, claymation movies where the sets are all kind of like houses are knee tall. So he can come to and fro from the doorways. Right. So you're just under 10 feet tall together. Right. But with a hat probably, you know, 12 foot tall.

Right, right. There wasn't going to be a hat, though. There wasn't going to be a hat, sorry. I don't mean to big dog you, but you've clearly never been to the Emmys because there's no hats. There's no hats allowed to the Emmys? I didn't. I've never been. I had no idea.

It's like Mormon Temple rules. No hats, no shoulders. Oh, okay. No shoulders. Mormon Temple? That's right. That's real. Isn't it? Shoulder pads, do you mean? Or just shoulders are not allowed? No visible shoulders. Oh, I see. Like with the bare skin. Bear skin, yeah. Right. Now, you've had bears skin in your career because your face is fully visible. Is that true in this brother's show? Yes. My face is fully bared in, uh. What about your neck?

Neck? I think in episode three I'm showing neck. Okay. What about back, pussy, and crack? Any of those? That's in the special features on the DVD. Okay, great. Oh, DVD. are back. Yeah. So tell me about brothers. Thanks for asking about my pussy, by the way. Yes, of course. Yeah, I tried to do it.

I wanted to come on WTF for so long. And like, that's always like the classic question. Yes, yeah. How's your pussy these days? Yeah. So you've, um, so are you one of the brothers? I don't understand this show. Well, I'm playing Matthew McConaughey's campaign manager.

He's running for governor of Texas. What? Yeah. Wow. Oh my God. So this was another rumor. So wait, two rumors and one show. show? Two rumors, one show. Like the porno.

Right. And so they incorporated this rumor into the show. He's running for governor of Texas. Yes. And you're the campaign manager. Yeah. What is that like? You can't even imagine a woman doing this job, right? I mean, honestly, no. Did you have to go research campaign? Did you run anyone's campaign? Did you run Kamala's campaign? I ran Kamala's campaign just to get prepped for the role. Really? Yeah. How'd you do? I don't remember. No, I kind of botched it. I don't know. Did you like it? I like the campaign.

Yeah, but I can't remember if she won or not. Oh, she did. She did? Okay, good. Okay. So you took that and you said, okay, now I have enough experience to be in brothers. It's a self-tape for brothers. Yes.

Was this off of a self-tape? Actually, it was offer only, Scott, so you can eat my fucking donkey dick. Boy, I have wanted to be the main guest for so long. Are you offer only? Is that true? No, it's not. I mean, I was offered this, which is very good. You were offered it, okay. But I'm not, it's not like, I still ought to show. Why did they offer it to you? What did they, what did they seen you in? Why? You know, Spank of America? Spank of America. The Spank of America. The Porn parody. Would you be in that if they, and this is a real question. Yeah. If a company, some porn company approached you and said, look, we really want to do a porn parody of your Bank of America commercials. Yeah. Will you appear in it? We're calling it Spank of America. Would you do it? Do I have to be the one getting... Yes.

Oh. Then yes. But I'm not going to show up at the beginning just to be like, I'm the girl from the commercial and then leave them to have all the fun. Got it, got it. No, but I wouldn't actually do that, but I would insist that they would deep fake my face onto whoever. On to whoever. Yeah, exactly. I want to be the man and the woman if it's hetero.

Got it. Yeah. I enjoy that. And if it's gay, I don't want any part of it. Anyway, Scott, I love being on your shirt. because I've honestly, like, I've wanted to be the main guest for so long. Like, this was like a dream of mine. And it's just, if I could just get real for a second, I just thank you for having me on and thank you for immediately asking about my pussy and if I would be in a porno. No problem.

Like truly means so much. Well, I like to ask questions of the women guests that I would ask of the men guests because I don't think there should be any difference when it comes to gender. Right. That's right. So tell me about brothers. Is there a romantic subplod? Are you just all business in this? What's going on in this?

I'm all business. You're all business. No pleasure. But there is one very pleasurable kiss in the last episode. Between you and someone else? Me and a mystery. Oh my gosh. Yes.

This is incredible. Is this a character that is in the show in the 10 episodes or is it someone who just arrives in the final episode? You will see this character in episode one. Whoa. Take attendance in episode one and think who's the big kiss going to be. Whoa. This is exciting.

Yeah. Okay. Now, are all of these coming out at the same time or do they drop weekly? I don't know. Do I look like I work for Apple corporate? Honestly, you do. You're wearing a black turtleneck. You have a PowerPoint here. I have an iPhone on each year. What is going on with you? Well, I'm representing Apple now, so they make us come to do it. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, this is exciting for you. I mean, just to be offered a show like this and then actually do it.

Do you get sometimes offered things that you don't get to do? Oh, yeah, I turn down stuff all the time. Oh. You should see the shit that they offer me. Oh, shit. Yeah, I have a terrible career. But this is exciting. And then to add to that, you're also in the paper playing a very funny HR person.

What is this person's name or do you even remember? Her name is Lisa. What? Can you even believe that? That's incredible. Lisa Grache. And did you audition for this one or is this an offer as well? I did audition for.

this one. Okay. And... Hmm. Interesting. Do you remember your monologue? Well, the... Did you sing 16 bars? Is that what they make you do for musical theater audition? I've never done that before. Sometimes it's Shakespeare as well. Classical.

Only 16 bars? That's pretty quick. Isn't it? Too quick for my blood. Can you make it up? Yeah, you can make up whatever you want. When you come in for your classical, you can just improv the whole thing and no one would ever know. Because no one ever reads that shit. Well, why not? Yeah. The musical theater, people in the room are having a laugh.

You and I should be in a musical together. Okay. What do you want to do? 101 Dalmatians? Yeah, probably like, or maybe 80. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Just 80 Dalmatians.

Because we don't have the budget. Yeah, I mean, 21 Dalmatians. What am I made of Dalmatians? 101 Dalmatians right now. D-A-L-M-A-T-I-O-N-S. Dalmatians. I believe it's not an O. I think it's an A, isn't it?

Dalmatians? Let me look this up. Oh, Dalmatian's. I said Dalmatian's. Yeah. I'm afraid we cannot award you any points. Did you Google it? I did.

No, you didn't. And it's Dalmatian. Really? Dalmatian? Mm-hmm. So you just asked me that because you know how to spell Dalmatians. They smell terrible. You dirty dog.

You've always got your nose up some dog's ass. I really do. I've seen it before. Well, speaking of asses, this is a show where everyone in it who's casting it has an ass, right? On the paper? Yeah. Yes.

The paper, I play an HR person. Andy Richter's in it, speaking of the famous quintuplet. And he has a... The tallest quintuplet in the world. He has a romantic subplot, does he not, with Esmeralda. Yes. Are you jealous? She's the most wonderful.

She's so funny. She's very, very funny. She's very, very funny. Yes, it's a great show. It's the spinoff of the office. And we asked Ed Helmsman, he was on the show, if in the office they sell papers, in the paper, shouldn't they sell

offices. Scott. And he wrote to Greg Daniels to ask him that and got back a very terse, brusk response. A tersk and brusk? Tersk and brusk. Oh, God. Yep. But listen, to answer your question, when they gave me the audition for the paper, you know,

I thought it was so interesting because I'm looking at the material, right? And it's all very under wraps because with the show of that caliber, you know, they have to send sides that are not actually reflective of the main storyline. So you're just meant to kind of pull whatever sort of character. indication you can from the material. So what did you do? Just act as annoying as you are in real life? Yeah, that's an interesting question, and I get that a lot.

I did, you know, I do pull from my own experience. Do you really? I do try to tap into that, but mostly I just kind of let the character lead. And sometimes I think of, you know, what's an animal that might physically represent this character? I try to bring that into my body. Which animal does Lisa embody? From the paper? From the paper.

Yeah, so she's an HR. So I just kind of thought, human resources. What's a good kind of... Or is there an animal that begins with an age and ends with an R? Like a hurrar. Right. No, and that's exactly where my mind went. So I did Harry Rucksack.

Harry Rucksack is kind of a backpack-like creature from Australia. Oh, really? And it moves in the way that a backpack might. And so I really... So inanimate. Inadimate, yeah. So I really took that on. So you'll see in the series, maybe, you know, you can kind of get that vibe for me.

I'm not moving. I'm not blinking. I'm barely speaking. Is there a diving bell in the, the, what a diving bell in the butterfly? Is that what is called? You know what I'm talking about where the guy bleeps all the time? Scott, you're having a stroke. Scott, your eyes are rolling back.

Now, I'm bleeding. Are you okay? I am okay. Thank you so scary. It was very scary. You were saying diving bell in the butterfly. I'm going to die at some point on this. Yeah, diving bell and I got to look this up because is it with a butterfly or is it

with a jar? It's with a butterfly. Butterfly with a bullet. Explain what you're talking about? Diving Bell in the butterfly is a film about a guy. who is locked in and can't move, but he finds a way to communicate using his blinks. Okay. So as I said before, kind of shark's tail is the only movie I've really seen lately.

Yeah. So unless it's a shark. Who's your favorite character? Big shark. Big shark? Yeah, he's the main guy. Big shark and pink fish, who's Jada. Okay.

Is Jada pinkfish? Christina Aguilier, Pinkfish, Car Wash. She, Christina Aguilar is on the soundtrack. That is right. Thank you very much. You've contributed to my 401K by watching this movie. Just kidding, we had no residuals. Oh, Scott. It's okay. I'm doing okay, but you are getting residuals for the paper and they must be through the roof. Oh, yeah.

As well as brothers. Where are you in the call sheet? On brothers? Yeah. Three? No. Here's the interesting thing. Look it up for me if it's, if it's on your phone. I want to know where exactly where you are. Well, I have to tell you a secret. Okay, tell me a secret. Which is that I was only added to the show after they had already shot it. What? Yeah, that is. some fucking insider scoop. The entire series was shot. That's a scoopa loopa ding dong if I ever heard one. That's a scupa loopa doopi-doo.

That's the hottest, freshest scupily dooply dooply do. This is incredible. This is going to make the trades now. I thought that this was just going to be some dumb run-the-mill episode of... But instead, we're going to end up in variety or some shit. Man, remember the days early on when like Zach Alfenacus would come on? He would say something and they would repeat it on the Today show, what he said. And now suddenly, I have that again with you.

You were added to brothers in post. Zach Gellifanakis earlier this week says, I don't want to be in a situation for even longer than an hour where I'm not enjoying myself. What do you think about that, Doug? Zach Gelfanakis of hangover fame. I mean, I think it's a great quote. I agree.

What do you think? An hour is about what he usually spends with us. In fact, when we were just in Vancouver, he left an hour into the show. Well, that's funny because he doesn't seem like he's enjoying himself for any second of it. No, but he loves it and he actually texted me to tell everyone how funny everyone was in the show

and how much he was enjoying it. That said, you were not there, but tell me why they would add this character. Tell me why. Just something for the ladies? Something for the ladies, yeah, because they kind of realized they did an oops all boys. Oh, that happens. That happens on this

podcast sometimes. Yeah, yeah. I'll look around and it'll be like, oops all boys. Oops, all boys. Right. Or oops all whites. You know, that happens a lot for you. over here too. Yeah. Can't do an oops all men because, or oops all girls, because I'm a man.

But I could do an oops all girls other than me. If you were brave enough, you would let it be oops all girls. If you were brave enough, and just walk away? Yes. Just turn on the mics and just leave. You know I want to be, you know, I've been working myself up to this interview spot and next I want your job. Yeah, I would love that.

I would love for you to take over a comedy band thing tomorrow. Because also, like, I know you're looking for a new theme song. Yeah. I actually made one for you. Did you make one? You said you were going to Yeah, can I sing it live? Yeah, go ahead.

Comedy Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, let me finish. Okay, sorry. Boom, boom, boom. Bang, bang, bang. Somebody wang dang da wang, wang, come to my house and bang the bang

because it's comedy bang, bang. Baby, yeah, he. Oh, wow, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bang. Could you put the word wang in it a little more? Did I not wang?

You had only four instances of the word wang. I can add that more. I'll go home. I'll keep cooking on it. Yeah, okay. That would be great. Thanks so much. Well, you know, honestly, great try, and we'll see if it ends up being the theme next week.

You try. You fucking try. Okay. Go. Comedy! Bang, bang, wang, wang, wang. Worse. Worse than you?

Worse. Well, I appreciate the effort. You get an E for that, but you get an A plus for being in brothers and the paper right now. Thank you. And you get an ASEONs for being Dalmatians. Thank you so much. And I'm so excited to see where your career goes after this, because it could, I mean, honestly, could go up, could go down. Could go sideways. Yeah, it could just like, yeah, you do the paper in brothers next year, you know, and whatever, you know, another jury duty or whatever the else you did this year and you do the exact same projects. Where could you see it going at its highest picture?

You could, I mean, Egot? Do I think that you, did anyone expect Chris Pratt to be a huge movie star when he was Justin Parks and Recreation, you know? Justin Parks and Recreation. I didn't realize that was his name before he changed it. Justin Parks and Recreation. Then he changed it to Chris Pratt.

Well, that has more star quality. Yeah, I guess so. Justin Parks and Recreation is interesting because he was on Parks and Recreation. I know, but they titled the show because of his last name. Yeah, exactly. A real HR Lisa situation. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, I mean, weirder things have happened.

You could be one of the biggest stars in the world. And you could be dead. I will be dead. That's one thing I'm pretty sure of. I could be dead, too. Honestly, I could die before you. I would hate that. Will you come to my funeral?

Of course I would. You promise? A lot of funerals aren't public, though, these days. What do you mean public? You know, well, I mean, you know, like people have a funeral and just families will go to it. No, I'm doing Princess Dye style. I'm doing streets are packed. I'm doing lit candles and crying people in Italy even.

Yeah. I would come. Yeah, I would love to come. Thank you. Yeah, would you come to mine? What day is it? It's probably a Saturday. That's just hard because I've shows at Largo. I understand. Well, I hope neither of us die. Honestly, I hope you never die and I hope no one else in the world ever dies. Oh, Scott, you're so sweet. Yeah, thank you so much. Well, the paper and brothers are out now. You can watch all of the paper like I did. And brothers, we have no idea whether you can watch it all now or one a week. But, It'll be soon. It'll be out by the time you hear this. At least one episode or two or, you know, who knows.

If you can hear this, Brothers is out. That's right. And Scott's good. And just imagine everyone's scrambling after the entire season was shot in adding Lisa into every scene. Yeah. And, you know, you could, I guess you can look at continuity with Woody and McConaughey's hair and just go, oh, I understand. Oh, yeah, it's a little bit longer in this scene. Oh, that's a good idea.

But Woody doesn't have much hair, so that's going to be hard. Yeah, but maybe the stubble's grown out in every scene you're in. Yeah, so let us know on R slash Stubble Watch what you guys are seeing. Well, Lisa Gilroy is here. Can you stick around? I would love to have you stick around. Of course, sure. It's so wonderful to meet you. I want to spend more time with you. How's that sound? That sounds perfect. I love you. Well, I love you too. I love you more. We're going to come back. We have one of my neighbors is here. We also have an entrepreneur, a sandwich imprisario. And we also have another neighbor of mine. This is a great show for you to be on.

Rosario. Is that someone who does impressions of a sandwich? Yeah. Do you do any sandwich impressions? Um, yes. Here's Ellen DeGeneres as a sandwich. Oh, okay. Well, anyway, yeah, my wife, Porsche, yep, uh-huh, yep, it's, yep, ham and cheese. So, so her wife, Portia is a ham and cheese sandwich?

You didn't mention that Porsche was going to be a sandwich, too. Sorry. And maybe it would be better if you called out with the sandwiches. Sorry. Yeah, peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter and jelly. This is the theme song. All right, we're going to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more with Lisa Gilroy. This is a great episode of comedy. Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. Oh, Moody. A bang bang, waw. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Lisa, yeah.

Okay, you've been singing that the entire break. I don't think it's sticking. You threw to the theme song. I'm just doing the theme song. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but you sang it for the last five minutes while we were taking a break. I mean, I appreciate it, but I just don't know. You're acting like you do.

I'm sorry, do you want me to act like I do? Yeah. Okay. Oh, I really appreciate that. Is that your peanut butter and jelly sandwich impression? Yeah. Pretty good. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Okay, cool. All right, I like this. Yeah, now we're sparring. Yeah, now it's a battle of the wits. Yeah, oh, I like this. It's like a te-to-tee. It's like a battle of the sex is here.

Yeah. You know? Well, Lisa Gilroy is here. She's in Brothers and the Paper. And Golden Axe on CBS. Don't forget. I have no idea what that is. It's an animated series based on the popular Sega game. Okay. Don't forget that. Golden Ax or whatever the fuck she just said. And we're going to bring in our next guest. This is exciting. I have a neighbor of mine is here. Oh,

congrats. To you as well to meet a neighbor of mine. Please welcome Cremony from Coochle Street. Couple Street. I'm so sorry. It's Couple Street, Scott. And down here. Down here, Scott. I'm Sorry, I don't see. I'm at the window, Scott. Oh. Scott, there's one at the windows. There you are. Hoping up over here.

Hi. Hi, neighbor. Hi, neighbor. Cremony. It's me, Cremany from Coupil Street. Coupil Street. Where is Couple Street? I don't want to docks you, Scott, but it's one street over exactly from you.

Oh, oh, right. Down a magical path in a sweet little river. That's where you find Couple Street. Oh, is that where the river? Yeah. Okay, I've never been over into Coupil. Oh, you've got. I've never gone over the bridge.

Well, I mean, I get that it's a little far for you, but it's a great little place. I'm more of an under the bridge guy by the red not chili peppers, quite honestly. Oh, I thought you were like big ugly troll? What, you think I look like a big ugly troll? Oh, so I just thought we were kind of all saying like, yeah, Scott's an under the bridge guy. You're just kind of a lot bigger than me, so everyone kind of looks like a troll to me. Yeah, you're so little. But she said it. Hey, stop deflecting.

Anyways, Couple, you're so little. Yeah, thank you. I'm very tiny. Yeah, what? Oh, yeah, it's Cremany. Cremony Couple's my last name because I live on Couple Street. Everyone's last name is Couple on Couple Street. Oh, really?

Mm-hmm. Describe yourself because I, I mean, you're such a, you have such an interesting look. Yeah, so I'm sort of, I guess, fuzzy. I have big eyes. It kind of looks like, if you were to imagine my insides, it'd be like a person's hand. Mm-hmm. Little sticks holding up my arms as they kind of shake back and forth. Right.

Yeah, that's kind of what I look like, I guess. Yeah, what color are you? Bright green. Bright green. Yeah. Yeah. And what do you do there on Couple Street? Do you work?

Yeah, well, I mean, on Coupil Street, we're mostly there to, you know, teach children about numbers and letters, like A or Q, maybe even R. Stephen, Hittomi. Stephen and Hottomi There's not a lot of kids on Couple Street Yeah I mean that's kind of the problem right now We're kind of in the middle of a pivot And that's kind of what I wanted to talk to about Pivot

Pivot like the couch from friends Exactly You have friends on Coupil Street? Oh we have all kinds of buddies Like Ross Like Rachel Chandler No relation but there are people named that

Okay And so what is going on on on Couple Street, you, from what I'm understanding, from what you're saying, you've been teaching children for how long now? Oh, gosh, like 50, 60 years? 50, 60 years, but now you're pivoting to what? We're pivoting. So, Scott, I mean,

Lisa, I just want to just ask a question. Is community harder to find nowadays? I think so. I mean, you know, attendance at churches is lowering. Absolutely. You know, not a lot of people are going to clubs. Yeah. A lot of people are cutting alcohol out of their lives, so bars, attendance is lowering.

So, yeah, I think people also are addicted to their screens. So they're staying inside their houses. They're not, people aren't finding places to meet in person. Yeah. And so at Coopal Street, we thought people could come here and work independently, kind of like a co-working space. Like a we work kind of situation? Yeah, but, you know, it's sort of different because it's Couple Street. Okay.

On Couple Street, there's outlets for everyone. Like power outlets? Yeah. So you can charge your laptop. It's near a river. Okay. Have you ever been to Disneyland how there's sort of a street that's like a fake street, but there's elements of being outside, but you're kind of not outside in some ways.

Do you mean Main Street at Disneyland? Kind of, yeah. You're outside. Well, it's outside but inside. You know what I mean? Okay. So it's sort of like that where is there a roof over the entire street? There's a blue sky above you.

Okay. It's about a fake blue sky? It's not fake. It's outside. What are you not getting? It's real sky, not real sky, kind of inside outside river with Wi-Fi workspace for puppets that are humans. Got it got it, got it. Okay, I'm on board.

I'm on board. So I have a question for you, and please don't take offense. Absolutely, Lisa. But whose hand is up your ass? Who's hand up on my ass? Let me see. He's kind of got like a black suit on. His face is covered.

I don't know who that guy is. Oh, okay. You've never introduced your stuff. We don't interact at all. Oh. Yeah. Do you find that to be odd or? No, I just never questioned it until right now.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't question my liver. Like any, you know, you go to the doctor. Liver, I barely know her. You're good. Yeah. You are good. I like you.

I kind of picked up some improv stuff from Matthew McConaughey and what you here else. Oh, hey, green light, right? Yeah, green light. Yeah. There's no green lights on Coupil Street. There's no cars. Oh, okay. Is there boats?

There's boats, yeah. So do people have to pay to be part of the we work space? It's just a tiny fee. It's $4.99 a month. $4.99 a month. But it's, I mean, it comes with so many things. That's how much Apple TV is. I mean, think about it.

You got free Wi-Fi. You can take a shower there. It's not free if you're paying anything. Well, it's included in the price, Scott. Included isn't free. How much is community to you, Scott? Well, honestly, yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, I get to meet a lot of great celebrities on this show as well as Lisa Gilroy over here.

And, you know, so, I mean, I feel like I get to see a lot of people. Wow. Okay, so it doesn't cost that much. You would not be willing to pay for this is what I'm hearing. I don't know that I would be paying $4.99, but, I mean, Lisa, I mean, what about you? Do you have friends? Look, I don't think I could afford $4.99. Okay, what could you afford?

Because this is sort of a pilot program. We can talk about it. How much would you pay to go... Have a place by the river. Come on down to Coupil Street. Yeah, I mean, I'd probably pay like $10 a month. 10? Oh, okay.

Yeah, we can start there. It's got to be hard to hear. It's hard. It's hard because it's, you know, we're trying to make it work. And... What do you need to pay for? Why do you need to charge so much? What's your overhead?

Well, everyone's rent. Who's the landlords on Coupel Street? Oh, I... Gosh, I haven't thought about it. I think there's sort of the shadowy figure that holds everybody. It's kind of the landlord. One person is showing, is holding everybody in this? Yeah.

So is there someone holding you from above and as well as having their hand inside you from below? Well, the strings go up, but then there's a body beneath me. Okay. Huh. Right. And this is the person that you owe money to every single month? Every money. He's like, shakes me a lot and he's sort of a shakedown, as he might say.

Oh. And you just, and whatever money comes out? Jingles out of me, yeah. Oh. Okay. So in a way, they're like pimping, pimping, big pimping. They're kind of big pimping me. Pimping, big pimping, yeah. Gosh, I've never thought about it that way. Unfortunately, I think I have to say that it's true, yeah. Wow.

Wow. So, I mean, not only do you not have free will, it seems, everything you're saying right now, do you think you're saying it? I think I'm saying it, Scott. How can we be sure? Because sometimes when you talk, no offense, it sounds like the voice is coming from somewhere different. from you know. Interesting. Well, and also your, your mouth isn't exactly matching what you're saying all the time. Well, have you ever thought that maybe it's hard for someone in sort of a black suit who's just crouching underneath the table to talk exactly as I'm talking right now, Scott? Your voice seems to be lowering in getting. You ever thought that sometimes it's hard to to maintain a voice while you're kind of crouched and no one's offered you water? Oh.

I look, I could Scott? I could get water, but I mean, you live by a river. What do you need water for? Oh, you drinking river, Scott? I would if I lived by one. That's the only precursor you need to drink river water, living by it. Well, I'm not going to travel to fill up.

That's crazy, Scott. You're acting crazy. It's, okay, $25.99 a month. You get free Wi-Fi. 25-99. This is not bad. I mean, this is pretty good. Wait, do you mean $25. $0.99 a $0.

$2,59. For this reason I'm out. Come on down to Coupel Street. I don't know. We got all kinds of different Wi-Fi's. If the main one doesn't work, then you can use the guest network. So backup Wi-Fi's? Yeah, Scott.

Okay, I don't know. Have you ever been in a situation where you're trying to send a PDF? And unfortunately, the Wi-Fi goes out and your work's like, well, why didn't you come in today? I yeah honestly every week on this show it feels like I'm sending PDFs to people and they're not getting them so maybe this would solve some of my problems I think it would be a fix for a lot of people yeah because you do work a lot with PDF that's Paul Def Fomkins right he says you have to stop you have to stop otherwise I am literally going to bust a gun you're literally in stitches right now I love this tell me what are some of the other amenities you offer okay so it the only things stronger than our Wi-Fi is our coffee. Oh, okay. So included $5 a cup for an hour. For an hour of coffee? As much coffee as you want for $5 a month.

Okay. Or an hour. So wait, so if you sell half a cup left. If you have half a cup left at the end of an hour, you allow to drink it out, Scott. Not made of coffee. Well, the shadow we figure enforces it, of course. Okay, so can I just be blunt for a second? Please. Yeah, like Emily would.

Yeah, exactly. Like rotation might be. Okay, sure. Okay. So if I subscribe to this kind of work situation, it feels like I'm going to go to a river and sit down with a bunch of puppets. And then one shadowy figure is going to be pouring my coffee out every hour. Right. Yeah.

Is that kind of, am I missing anything there? There's a shadowy figure, a bunch of puppets, a river and some Wi-Fi. Showers? Shows. There's sort of a gym area. What? What's in the gym? We got boats.

Boats in a gym? Yeah. What kind of exercise is that? The gym is a river, I guess. The gym is just a river and you're expected to, what, like row yourself around the river in order to get exercise? It's a great exercise, Scott. There's not even like a basketball hoop on a or a backboard on a garage. There's one you can kind of dunk on on the side of the river.

If you pass between all your bros, it's kind of a fun game. And if you put it through the hoop, does it go in the river and the ball floats away? It floats away unless you got to go grab it. I'm not made of basketball, Scott. How many basketballs are there, Coupel Street? About one. About one? So, do you even have one?

About one. So zero? Depending on whether it floated down the river when I got here or not, what's the Wi-Fi name on Coupil Street? I'll write it down for you. Oh, great. Couple Street. Okay.

What's it say? Yeah, I can't read that. What does I say? Couple Street. Oh, Couple Street? What's the password? The zeros are, the O's are zeros. Passwords, shadowy figure must not be disobeyed.

Okay. Okay, so the O in shadowy and then the O and disobeyed. Yeah, disobeyed with the zero. And it should, I guess, and it not. Yeah, exactly. That's basically it. I wrote it down if you need to look at it. Okay, yeah.

So, I don't know, is there a trial basis we could do this on? We could do a trial. We could try $1.99 for three months and see. $1.99? 100,000 99 Wait A thousand? A hundred thousand

A hundred thousand for three months Scott, Help us up for three months It's an investment in your community, Scott You make money from this podcast and no one else does Think about it When a neighbor comes over and asks for help It's usually like a cup of sugar

Or I'd take all the sugar you got Hey can your baby stop crying You know It's not you know Shut that baby up I say Do you have babies on Coupil Street? Of course, we have millions of babies.

Millions? Yes. We're singing to all of them. Here on Coupil Street. We got one million babies here. And you can print whatever you want for $4 a piece of paper. I just have to ask, who's impregnating all of these millions of women? Jealousy does not look good on it.

Green is a color that does not look good on me. But who is it the shadowy figure? Is it the puppets? These are children arriving to learn lessons. I'm not like up in their business about who's impregnating who, Scott. I'm not a total freak, Scott. Okay. But if I had to guess, I don't know, the shadowy figure is somehow talking about taking over the realm.

And there's something, I don't know, there's something about that. They all kind of have a little bit of fuzz. Like they're going to be cupels one day and maybe going to rise up. I don't know, Scott. The realm. This sounds like the shadowy figure is from another dimension. I don't, I'm trying to, I just want people to come hang out on Coupil Street. Is that so wrong?

I wonder if it will be possible to speak to the shadowy figure. Yeah, I could call him over. Okay, great. Do you think, yeah. Shadowy figure here, my plea, drop me to the ground so that I may crumple and that you may rise up and you may talk for me. Here, here. Not a lot rhymes at crumple, I guess. Pumple Street.

Humples. Hey, what's up? Oh, hi. Hi. Hey. Guy, could you, do you mind stepping into the light at all? Yeah. I'm good here.

I'm good here. Oh, okay. Yeah. What's your name, sir? David. David? David. Cross?

Crossed with a tea. Oh, crossed with a tea. And the David was with a four instead of an A. Yeah. Look, what do you want to talk about? Uh, hey, are you like from another dimension you're trying to conquer Earth or something? Brother, come on. We're just trying to, we're just trying to make Coupel Street happen.

Are you trying to turn us all into Coupels? Which I guess means like become fuzzy. Are you happy? I mean, I'm kind of happy. Scott. All right, I'm miserable. Lisa, are you happy? Of course.

Okay. Well, you don't maybe need Coupil Street yet. But Scott really does. I can feel that. Yeah. So, but are you trying to turn us all against our will into Coupils? Scott, literally, what do you have to lose? Just become a coupon.

Wouldn't it be easier, Scott? Would it be easier? There's no more suffering if you have a hand all the way up to your neck from your butt. I guess try it out really quick and just... Okay. You ready? Put that in there and see what... Can you start with just one finger?

No. No. Oh! Gave-Bavin! Wow, he's finally funny. He looks... He's so happy now. Look, Scott.

He's in place up. Coupil street's great. Hi, everybody. buddy. Wow. Hi. I'm Scott Ockerman. I'm a Kupel. Oh, wow. Look, he looks so happy, right? Do you want to come join us on Kupel Street, Lisa? Now I kind of do. Do you want to be as funny as me? Yeah. Yeah, come on. Come over to Kupel Street. Hey, Scott, think fast. Basketball. Oh, wow. I didn't catch it. Sorry, it just smacked it right in the mouth. You put it up my ass. And just throw yourself into that hoop over there. Okay.

Three points. Nothing but next. Oh, my God. Wow. That was horrifying. That hand came popping out of that. Is there a bathroom? Can I wash my hands?

No, I'm so sorry. We don't have a bathroom here. All right. I'm just going to wipe it on the couch or whatever. Okay, no problem. Well, a shadowy figure, can you stick around or? Yeah, one of us will be here. Okay.

Well, we have to take a break. When we come back, we have a sandwich impris. Sario. We also have another neighbor of mine is here. I wonder if they're from Kupel Street. I don't know. God I hope. Yeah. Well, when we come back, we'll have more with Lisa Gilroy. More from the shadowy figure and or Kremany. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang! Yang! Put your head down and remember the little Titans. Comedy Bang, bang, we're back. Lisa Gilroy has been working on her song. entire time and how's it coming over there?

Oh, really well. Yeah. Yeah. And who do we have over here? Do we have the shadowy figure or we have Cremony? Cremany's back. Hi, Cremany. Cremney, that was really scary when you left.

The shadowy figure is kind of a daunting guy. And he put his hand up Scott's eyes. Very imposing. No, really. Yeah. Well, what's up, brother? Hey, do I have fur? I feel like I'm more furry than I was.

Yeah, you have a little bit of scrub. Your eyes are so shiny now. Yeah. Your eyes are twinkling. for sure. Okay. Your mouth is very flat. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, I feel like anytime I want to, like, walk to the left, I just turn my head. And then you kind of scoot. Yeah, just kind of scoot. It's so weird. And your nipples are poking through your shirt. Or they were doing that before. Yeah, they were, yeah. But I ice them up before the show.

Yeah, yeah. J-Lo does that for a concert. Does she really? She should eyes up that butt hole, if you know what I'm saying. Because that's whatever likes about her. Oh. People don't like J-Lo for her butt hole, okay? They love it for the decadent cheeks

It's sandwiched between Wait, she icedes after her butt hole Huh No, apparently she ices her nipples Yeah Come on, get your story straight, Kremany Well, we do need to get to our next guest We had this person on

The Comedy Bang Bang Ground Beefing Tour recently out there in Texas, I believe Please welcome back to the show Jersey Mike How you doing? How you doing? Hey, Jersey Mike, great to see you So I hear we're talking about Jennifer Lopez's nipples.

Yeah, we are, Yeah, do you have anything to add? I can't believe she ices those things up. Yeah. That's crazy. You think she's got two P.A.'s doing that? I don't know. Yeah.

Wouldn't that be interesting? Wouldn't that be interesting to just slice them up just like Jersey Mike's does with all the... God, get it. Yeah. I wonder if she could do that with like a big cold cut. Big thing of salami. Big thing of ice cold olive oil. Put that on your nipples.

God, that sounds like a beautiful time. Interesting. Thanks for having me, Scott. Hey, Jersey Mike. Great to see you. This is Lisa Gilroy. She's on the... So nice to meet you.

Really nice to meet you. The Brothers Show. Brothers. That sounds like a show. I'll watch while I eat. Do you have brothers? Do you have Jersey? Anyone else in your family? I'm an only child. You really? You don't even have a sister? Not even Natasha Leon? No, I don't. I've been told I sound like a. Interesting.

Friend of the show, of course. Thank you so much for having me. I'm dying to get my ass, that hand up my ass. What? What just happened? I was in the car. Yeah, you were in the car. I was walking from the car over here, and I saw. through the window, some guy's hand

go up your ass. Yeah. It's weird to peek through the window of a place that you're going to instead of just opening the door. I said, are they recording? I'll give them a second. I know you're a big podcast, Scott, so I said, I'll hold. And yeah, his hand was up my ass, and you want that for yourself? I don't know. It can be arranged. Sounds kind of fun. You ever heard of Couple Street?

It is fun. No, never heard of it. There's no Jersey Mikes in Couple Street? Is it a sauce? Couple Street is its own street where all kinds of fun can happen where if you're listening to music you should have funs on um everyone is on laptops uh they have what's the fast food situation yeah you have food you have jersey mics over there once a week we order from a place which place what's the place it rotates it rotates is it a ghost kitchen i heard these things are big now hmm uh it like ghost guns i don't know yeah so i don't know one week's macdonald one week's like uh burger king one one

You take the time to order for McDonald's, you're only going to one place a week, and it's McDonald's? Look, I mean, it's a pilot program, Scott. Go to Spago or something. Spago? We got to afford Spago, Scott. What's everybody working on, by the way? I'm just curious, if the shadowy figure is employing all of these puppets. Hmm.

Sounds like a we work, yeah. Yeah, but is there something? There's some similarities. I mean, it's like these are freelance creative directors working on their own individual products. So, and I mean, no one's working on towards one goal, except for the goal. except for the goal of... So is everyone's computers hooked up together? They're all on the same...

They're all on one network. Okay. And is everyone just doing individual parts but of the same hole? And once you put everyone's computer programs together, it's going to be some sort of computer program that takes over the world. Like a lasagna of some sort?

Kind of like a computer lasagna, yeah. Huh. It is kind of like that. Okay. I mean, I like lasagna. Do you sell lasagna, Jersey, Mike? I've been telling my friends we gotta. Yeah.

Wouldn't that be... Like put it between bread, too. But here's the thing. I'm here in lasagna, dinner only. What do you think about that, Scott? I think it, Jersey mics, look, I don't know anyone who goes to Jersey mics for dinner, honestly. No. Like, it's more of a lunch thing.

It is. You guys should turn into fine dining after 3 p.m. You think we could? Or breakfast before 6 a. Would you have a breakfast lasagna? Yes. I would do eggs for noodles, beef for beef, sausage for eggs, hash browns for noodles, tomato sauce is ketchup. eggs are the noodles

and the pan is a baguette. This sounds delicious. That sounds amazing. We got to get this actually in the kitchen. Yeah. But fine dining after three where suddenly like a butler welcomes you in

and you have like fancy white tablecloths. Well then how can we get this? We got to do it Mike's way and it's going to be dirty so I can't do, I can't, we got to do plastic tables. Plastic tables or plastic tablecloths? Both?

Both? Sure, we're going to have to change them out every time. Yeah. So my lasagna Mike's way. Yeah. I love that. Plastic curtains, plastic wallpaper like a kill room. Yes, like a kill room.

She can get sauce all over. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All dinner spots got lights. Yeah. Right.

Right. All right. What about, uh, we put soda in a wine glass. I love this idea. And wine in the soda machines. We could do that, right? Yeah. A little Pino noir.

Oh my God. That would be so cool. On a freestyle? And Coke in the drinking fountains? Oh, okay. careful there. Your nipples are going crazy down there. Whoa. This is why I like hanging out with you. He's a crazy fuck. I love hanging out with you, Jersey Mike. We just met. You're a crazy fuck. Yeah, but I've, I've, look, I've attended your restaurants so many times over the years.

And we will attend your funeral. Yes. Will you? It's going to be on a Sunday. Oh. Do they do shows at Largo on Sundays? You're going to be busy? You might be busy. Damn it. The come down from the Largo shows on Saturday. Yeah. Exactly. But maybe your funeral could open for Scott's funeral. Remember that thing I said that was so funny during dinosaur? Yeah, exactly. It takes me a while to calm down. But what's going on in Jersey Mikes?

Do you have any new sandwiches? Yeah, Scott, I want to talk to you about it. Okay. Against all my wishes, we're getting into the gluten-free space. Oh. You didn't want to do this. No, I felt like, can I say it? I think they're making it up.

Yeah. Wow. You know, like you never, you never, you know, You never hear about this until like 10 years ago. And then suddenly it's like, oh, I got a problem with gluten. What about my mother's mother? Does she have a gluten intolerance? I don't think so.

I never heard of that. Hmm. Well, it's the vaccines. You think? Yeah, for sure. Are you against them? You're an anti-vexor. I totally forgot.

We should have led with this. Look, all jokes decided. I just think if we're putting something into our bodies, we should take a closer look because it makes you. You think these vaccines haven't been taken a look at? That's your big problem. Well, have you seen someone take a look at them? I've never.

No, in fact, I can't even look when they put one in me. I'm sorry, David's back. Yeah, totally agree with you. Okay, hold on. David crossed? David crossed. Didn't we used to date? Oh, my.

Lisa. Yes. Lisa. Oh, my God. Lisa. Oh, my God. Sorry, Lisa's been in the shadows as well. It's a very dark room in here today, so.

Yes. Oh, my God. You guys used to, how long ago was this? Oh, God, it must have been. 15 years ago? 15 years ago, yeah. How far did you guys go? Yeah.

Hand all the way up to mouth. Yeah. What base is that? Hand to mouth. It's full 360, 100%. Oh, wow. So that's like a Grand Slam home run or something. Honestly, it's less of a baseball game.

It's more of a tournament. Oh, okay. Whoa, like the Olympics. Yeah, it's like the Olympics. Anyways, it's really good to see you. Lisa Gilroy. God. In the flesh.

Wow. So you both are anti-vaxxes? Yeah. Well, that's how we met. Yeah. We met at an anti-vaxing convention. We were discussing, I don't know, the Fauci-Aouchi, what's the deal with all this, why we poisoning our bodies. Yeah, and mindy, this was 15 years ago.

So we knew COVID was coming. Wow. So you guys were on the forefront of this. Yeah, because he was a boy. He was just a young little boy in short pants. Saochi was 10 years old. Yeah. We were in a book club from El Rachon Hvers, who wrote the book about the impending pandemic.

Oh, oh. He knew it was coming because, of course, the government, you know, fabricated it. Cool. To give us all gluten intolerance. What was your first date? We went to a sex party. We went to a sex party. We lost each other for quite a while.

Yeah. As you do. Yeah. And then found each other. Actually, at the snack table, there was some Jersey mics. Do you find a lot of people go to Jersey mics on their first date? I find no. It's mostly dads by themselves in there.

Oh, dads on the weekends that they don't have. their kids? How do you know their dads? The shoes. But I'd say this. I'd say, I'd love to open a dinner spot so people like you can come post-sex party, pre-sex party, carve up. Carb up. Carb up. Carb up. Carb down. I wonder if there's ever been a proposal at a Jersey Mikes. I remember when I worked at the Olive Garden, someone proposed to their girlfriend there. Is that true? I thought it was very sad. Wow. Was that true? Did you really work for Olive Garden? I did. Yes. I was part of the community.

I was hospitaliano, of course. Hospitalia. Hey, Ospo. Ospo Italiano. Let's keep going, eh? I would have love to work for Jersey mics, though, to have all that juice all over the floor all the time, just waiting in juice. And that machine. That machine we got.

Slicing. You know, you can charge your iPhone with it, too, now? Do you know, do you ever get stuck in that machine? I heard his arm got chopped off by. Okay. It was a small cut. There's a new commercial where he's got a really strong arm. Oh, right.

Yeah. I wonder if that's why. An entire table of patrons. He's got one really strong. Maybe it's because of that. You said that the juice from the sandwiches can charge an iPhone? No, we got a dongle next to the... Next to the juicer.

Next to the juicer. You can put a dongle anywhere these days. You can put a don't know anywhere. Literally. Okay. Okay. You still the... David, stick a dongle up me.

Hey. Huh? All right. Shoot. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, my gosh. Electrifying. Wait, make him say, actually, make him say something.

All right. How about this? Ronald Reagan. Whoa. Reagan, yeah. Look at that Donald Reagan. Whoa. Whoa, that was that feeling good.

That's cool how every puppet kind of has a catchphrase. And yours was Ronald Reagan. Their distinct personalities. I had no idea. I blacked out. Holy shit. Wow. That was beautiful.

Thank you. You're welcome, yeah, absolutely. $499. So where did Danny DeVito get this winter soldier arm that's really strong? I think it was four football, right? Oh, the technology was designed for football. He ate so many sandwiches that his arm got so strong and that let him. Got it.

If I'm remembering correctly. Oh, interesting. What was your last? Why did you guys break up? Do you remember? Lisa? You're already zoning out? She zoned out.

We're not even at the hour mark. You are in guests. You're in A block and you're zoning out. This is perhaps why you have never been in A block before. Scott! You have the attention span of about 15 minutes. My God. Well, you have an exacto knife in front of you to threaten your guest.

This is insane. Why do you have a knife in front of you? Hey, give me that. Let me cut some way. Why do I have that? Because I opened up a package. That's what people use knives for, right? Okay.

Put that away. Hey, hey, put that away. Listen, I never thought I was going to come on your fucking podcast gets scolded like I'm in elementary school again. Next time. Hey, hey, you would have listening. You were zoning out, weren't you? Yes, I was.

I got distracted because the table has a lot of writing on it and I was reading stuff. It's your name everywhere. Well, and other guests. Okay. Anyway, what was your last date? What happened? Why did you break up? Well, we lost track of each other.

Yeah. We went to the water park, and of course, it's the famously slippery water park. Oh, that one. I went. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Down the slide. And I was like, Lisa. Yes, and we never saw each other again.

Yeah. No follow up? No follow up. Well, because we don't have phones because phones wrought your brain and turn you gay. The 5G, you know. Exactly. Turns you gay. Interesting.

Well, I mean, if you guys want to go out on another date, we'll pay for it. Who's we? The show, of course. You can do it at my restaurant. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I mean, Lisa, you're unattached, right?

And I don't know what your situation is. I'm in an open thing, yeah. Oh, okay. I could have guessed that. Open face sandwich, if you will. Hey, yeah, yeah. You're walking your side. Polly yam, Marie.

Excuse me? Open face sandwich, we put yams in it. Oh, Pollyammery. Oh, I love it. Open face sandwich, you put yams in it. Hey, olive oil on top. Let us get married. That's good.

But keep it open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got to put that in there. Well, this is so interesting. Lisa, I know you have to go, right? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'll leave. Yeah, because you basically signaled that you were bored and you had to leave.

I got to go because I have a big party at McCona Heights. I call him McCona Heights. I understand. He's having his big yearly hot tub party. I understand. Well, it's great to see you. Yeah, it was great to see you too. Yeah.

Love you. Love you. Wow. Whoa. What a spank. Lisa Gilroy, of course. We do have to get to our next guest. Jersey Mike, it's so wonderful to have you here.

You can stick around, I hope. Always a pleasure, Scott. Okay, we do have to get to our next guest. Another one of my neighbors this year. I lived, actually, not really even a neighbor, lived here in the house for a while. Please welcome back to the show Cockroach Rick. You tried to kill me, Scott. But you couldn't kill me, so I'm here.

It's Cockroach Rick, yeah, baby. You live roach with the biggest cock at Hard of Golden. I love to rock. That's right. I remember all those things about you. Oh, yeah, Scott. So good to see you. Jersey Mike is here.

And Crimony's back. Oh, Crimony's back here. Hi. This is Crimony from Coupil Street. Hey, everybody, I'm a cockroach. Don't step on me. Fuck you. I got a big cock.

I'm wearing jeans. Oh, my God. Are those low-rise jeans on a cockroach? Jaco jeans, baby. Oh, yeah. What's been going on, cockroach? I haven't spoken to you in a, it feels like a year or two years. Yeah, you give me the cold shoulders, Scott.

Even though I live in your house, you're pretending I don't exist. What? You big high man scoop now. I apologize. Because you're tall and you got those legs. You discussed me and, you know, I just don't like the idea of you crawling around on me. I discuss you. I discuss politics.

I discuss a lot of things. Scott. This week on Cockroach Rick. I love to see you, though. What's... Cockroach Rogan. Oh. Cockrogan. That's something, Rick. That's sad to see that. Oh, Cockrogan. Rick, the Rogan man, Rogan. Rouch.

Tell me what's been going on with you over the past couple of years. I got married, Scott. You got congratulations. Who's the lucky cockroach, I'm assuming. They said I could never do it. They said a cockroach would never get married. Well, I did. I'm the littest roach with the biggest cock and a heart of Golden, I love to rock. And I love my wife.

She's a maggot. She's a maggot. Oh, yeah. So how does that work? How do you, I mean, how do you, are you? Oh, somebody's nervous. Never had sex before. I can tell, baby.

Yeah. Give me some tips. How's it, are you, are you, do you think you're going to reproduce? Oh, we already have, Scott. You have kids? That's what I'm here to talk to you about. And they're half cockroach, half maggot? Is this like a new breed of disgusting creature?

It's going to infest people's houses? Listen, don't talk about my wife that way. Her name is Magrid. Magrid. Magrid. Magrid. Like Hagrid? Like Margaret, but she's Magid.

She's Magid. She's Magrith? Magrith. Yeah, that's why I said the first time. Hagrid has a D on the end. This has a T on the internet. I know. He said Magritt.

With a T. Yes. Not a Hagrid. No, not a Hagrid. Should not at all to that. Well, that's exciting. So how many kids do you have? Well, Scott.

A million? Me and Magrott got married, you know. We took our honeymoon and a camping trip and a cum sock that we found in your house. Mm-hmm. Why is still coming in socks, Scott? Grow what the fuck? Oh, that's sad. That's really sad.

Waiting for menopause to hit. Oh. Well, I'll be those nipples. It's already hit, brother. Wow, thanks. So me and Meggaret had a camping trip honeymoon in a cum sock. And it was your cum sock, Scott. Uh-huh.

Yes, you said this. So she got pregnant with your baby. What? Uh-oh. I have another child? Uh-oh. This is, I mean, I don't know how to feel about this. I'm slightly taken aback, but I'm also thrilled.

I need to break it to you, Scott. Your world's about to blastoid, blast off into outer space, my dude. Tell me. Yeah, well, Magrott, the maggot. My wife, of course, had a baby with you, and the baby looks like you. It has your head and your torso, but its legs and arms are maggots. Are maggot style? Oh, God.

Opa, maggot style. Opa, magot style. Oh, my God. So the baby can't walk and it can only scream. That's okay. The baby's in a lot of pain. We all have challenges in life, you know? Well.

I still love him. Well, he's Maggot Ockerman. What? Megatman, as we call him. Magut man? Megatman. Scoop. The rich man roach his son.

Son of the rich man roach, megatman scoop. Okay, sure, sure. But my son, actually. Megatman. You're Magid man. Magut man. Offerman. This, I mean, this is so exciting.

Megatman, Ockerman, the roachman scoop. Okay Can I see a picture Or a video? I got one in my wallet That's got to be a disgusting thing Your face And a cock and a maggot

What's wrong with my face? That's got to be disgusting Your face? Picture it Your face but smaller? No, it's bigger Your face, your arms Yeah

So it's roughly the size of your head Okay But bigger But bigger torso But a little bit smaller Can I see a picture? And then arms and legs

Are just maggots life size. Okay. I'll show you a picture of my wallet. Before I show you, just be warned. Uh-huh. It's a little scary. Okay.

And the baby can't talk, and the eyes are maggots. Just can cry. Scream. Scream. Okay. It's not even crying. Ah! Oh.

I said, don't scream. That's your son. That's Mega Man. Mega Man, Aquaman, the Roachman Scoot. That is even more disgusting. Whoa, look at those boobs. That's my boy. Big natties.

Big fat nats. Wow. Gorgeous. Thank you for correcting me. They are big fat natties. You know, I know this isn't my bio boy, but I still look after him like he's my own. But Scott, that's why I'm here. Because you want to continue doing that, so I never have to see him again?

No, no, because I'm the richest. I'm the roach man. I'm the roach man. No, we all know you're the roch. Biggest cock, hard of gold. Of course, you love to rock. He's here for the alaboloni. Alamone.

Okay, so that's something different. Alamonis for marriage. Whoops. Okay. Also, it sounds too much like abalone. Alabaloni. I'll work on it. Thank you.

I'm here for the, uh, chive support. That's it. That's it. That's it. Why are you here, Cockroach, Rick? For child support, you stupid fuck. Oh, child support. So, like... You gotta pay for this,

this slimy, screaming little roachman critter needs help. He needs Crocrowch crypto. What is cockroach crypto? Say that five times fast. Say five times fast. Five times fast.

Five times fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast. Now you go cockroach crypto crypto. Five times fast. Oh, cockroach crypto. Cockroats crypto. Cockroats crypto. Cockroats crypto. It's hard.

It's hard. Fine. You did it. You can keep your soul. Okay, thank you. Scott. So what is cockroach crypto? How to...

Well, thanks. Listen, Cockroach Crypto is our money. Okay. And you owe me 50,000 of it. Okay. For child support from Megatman. Okay.

How do I obtain it? Is it like unobtainium or... Yes, it's unobtainium? It's unobtainium? It's unobtainium? It's half unobtainium. half crumbs. Okay.

Well, the crumb half I think I can get, but Unobtainium is... Yeah, dig around in your big belly button, you sloppy fool. Fuck you. Unobtainium is famously unobtainable. Well, listen, I'm raising your son.

And if you don't pay the crypto... The crypto man croach, the cockroach. Scott, I'm heartbroken. I need a DNA test. And I don't want it to come back 100% that bitch. Okay. Scott, you've seen this crazy. little baby, he's got your exact head.

Scott, that was tough to see. That was really tough to see. Still, I'm, I, that could be Photoshop, it could be AI. I need proof. You need proof? Yeah. You want me to bring him out?

Yeah. Okay. Let me go get him. Okay. Megatman, it's time to meet your daddy. Okay. All right, daddy, please, you'll love you.

My daddy. Oh, no. Um, this is so disgusting. Daddy! Oh my God, there's shit all over the floor. Daddy, please. Scott, that's your sweet little boy. Just me, Dad, Dad.

Oh, no, I couldn't kiss. It would be too much like kissing myself. You look so much like me. Daddy, I'm confused. Who am I? Where am I? Well, your cockroach Rick's son, of course. No, Daddy, I'm your son.

You know, the cockroach with the biggest cock? Loves to rock. But, Daddy, why do I? I have such a small penis. Let me see. Do you mind whipping it out? That's not small, I mean, as far as I'm concerned. People have said that it's okay.

It's exactly like yours? Yeah. That's why it's so itchy. Help! Except it's made of maggots, of course. Kill me, daddy. Okay. With what?

How do you want to go? I will stick your fingers in my eyes. Strangle me. Okay, let me see what I can do. You, okay, you want me to poke your eyeballs out with my thumbs? Hey, hey, what are you doing? Get the fuck up, my son. Okay, look, he requested it.

You tried to kill my son. Well, Cuckroach, Rick. This is obviously a disgusting creature that doesn't deserve to live. It's your son and Magrid's son. Magrid? Magrite, my wife. Magrott, the maggot. My wife.

I don't think there's anything I can do for you. You can have some crumbs from my belly button, but that's about it. Oh, God. Well, thanks. These are about two weeks old, by the way. Even more delicious for a cockroach. Okay. Scott, we missed you at the wedding.

Well, you didn't invite me. This is the first time I've seen you. Scott, we had the wedding in your house. You did? We had it in your microwave. Oh. Put it on for 30 seconds, rotating dance floor. That sounds fun.

A lot of people died. Oh, okay. Yeah, a lot of cockroaches. Cockroaches, grasshoppers, butterflies. Your cleaning lady came in the morning and went, well, Occam and microwave filled with maggots and bugs. Just another day and work. Just a regular Tuesday. Yep.

Well, Cockroach Rick, I appreciate everything you've done for me in raising my son. And I hope that continues. And if you ever need any more crumbs, I'll try to save him up. Thank you. That would mean a lot to me and your boy. Yeah. Please just take him away now and I never want to see him again. Okay, you got it.

Okay. Thank you so much, Cockroach Rick. Of course, I understand. From disgusting bug to disgusting bug, we got a bond. No one can ever shrug. That's right. Well, guys, I hate to say we're running out of time. Isn't that surprising?

It's so surprising, Scott. Yeah, but we only really have time for one final feature on the show. On the show, I'm from Canada now. And unfortunately, that is a little something called plug. I guess there's only one more thing to say. What's that? It's it. It's it.

Lord, I lift your name on heart. Sing it if you know it. Lord, I love to sing your praises. I'm so glad you're in my life. I'm so glad you came to save us. Sing everyone. I'm so glad you came to save us. You came from heaven to earth.

You came from heaven to earth. To show my debt to pay from the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky. Break it down. Lord, I lift your name on high. You're religious now? That was Lord, I lift your name on high. San Antonio Ture.

extension by DJ Maylee. Thank you so much. Amen. That was incredible. That was incredible. What a treat. If you have a plug bag theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs and upload them.

You'll find everything you need there for the remixes. And what are we plugging? Cockroach Rick. Cockroach Rick. You're licking my feet. Yum. That's it for me. That's all you want to plug?

Okay. In lieu of Lisa not being here, I do want to plug. Brothers, which is out on Apple TV right now, as well as the paper. And Cremany, what do you want to plug? Obviously, coming by Coupel Street, introductory rate 14,999-99-99 a month. Outside of that, there's a show called Dimension 20 Toy Light that's coming out right now, that I think is pretty funny.

What? Toylight. Toylight, not toilet. Not toilet. Is it meant to sound like toilet? I'm hearing it now. And it's coming out somewhere? It's coming out now. Okay.

It's on dropout. Dot TV. Dropout TV, all right. People should watch that. Dot toilet. And Jersey Mike, what do you want to plug? First of all, I want to plug gluten. Nothing's wrong with it.

Gluten full sandwiches at Jersey Mikes. Okay. And maybe, oh yeah, I'll plug artists on artists on Artists on Artis on Artis on IHartRadio. We got Lisa on this week. You can listen. Double, double feature. Okay, fantastic. I want to plug, we have a few more tour stops on October 6th.

We're in Huntington, New York, Long Island area. October 7th, we are in Boston, Medford, doing that rescheduled show. And then October 8th, we are in Troy, New York. All of those tickets can be found at CBBWorld.com slash tour. And next week, I will announce one last tour. date that we are adding. Very special Christmas show. So listen next week for that. And if you've been following us along on tour, you know that we put up all of the episodes within the next 48 hours after the show over at CBB World. And that's been really fun. And people have really been

enjoying them. And I've been enjoying these tours a lot and talking to all of you that I've been seeing afterwards. And this has been a great tour. So I hope you come out and join us. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Watcher Your bass You pass You pass Mawin

Mass Mass Mass Mass You pass You pass To have S

S Mapp You're bass. Lousin, you bass. All right, that was The Loosin' Your Bass. Open That Sweet Ass, End parentheses by Corey Hummel. And thanks so much to you.

And speaking of a thank you, I want to thank our guests. First of all, Cremony, wonderful to be with you. And, you know, honestly, I'd love to send my child over to Coupil Street. Great. So I never have to see them again. I'm assuming that's what happens. They get shunted off to another dimension and put into slaves. They may or may not have to come back.

Okay, great. And Jersey, Mike, hey. Thank you so much. I love you. Let me kiss you. Oh, gosh. And you brought so many sandwiches. Of course.

What do I got to do with all these? Oh, well, one of them's got my keys in it. Oh, okay. Go ahead and search through all of them for it. And cockroach, Rick. Wow, thanks. So wonderful to see you again. Scott, I had a hell of a time with you on tour.

You didn't know I was on tour with you. You came along with us? I was in your pillowcase. Why didn't you ever come out on stage with us? So many nasty bugs in your pillowcase you never even noticed. Oh, well. You're nasty, Scott. I am nasty, yeah.

Wow, thanks. Thanks for being nasty with me. You're disgusting. Little as brooch with a harder, golden, and big as cock, and you get it. And you love to rock, of course. And speaking of rock, we'll rock it next week. We'll see you then. Bye.