Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Sublime-a With Roma (Rachel Wolfson, Jon Hartman, Ben Rodgers)

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

Comedian Rachel Wolfson joins the first timers club as she promotes the movie “Jackass: Best and Last.” Hear about her relationship to O.J. Simpson, and her father’s sweater envy. Tyler, Your Girl’s New Friend, is also here, and he’s really just trying to help. Finally, hotelier Terry Schiavo promotes his innovative and exclusive new hotel chain! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's a comedy bang bang, bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. There's a snake in my boot and a bee in my bonnet. There's another snake in my pants and you should be on it. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Dr. Good Times for that catchphrase submission. I don't want to say that every week. But thank you for the submission. The Hunt continues for an appropriate catchphrase, maybe for the 1,000th episode.

Boy, that would be great if we could hit on the perfect catchphrase by then. That would be amazing. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have an exceptional show. Coming up a little later, we have a local citizen. We have a hotelier. as the French say,

hotelier. And we also, let's just get to our first guest. Why are we wasting time talking about the future when we could be talking about the present and what a present it is.

She is entering the exclusive one-timers club on Comedy Bang Bang. A very exclusive club. Look, we've talked about it before. Almost everyone in the world, in the known universe is in the zero-timers club.

99.9% of the people on this earth who have ever lived, who will ever live, are in the zero timers club. Yeah. Is one time mean I'm already not invited back? No, to be honest, you don't want to be invited back because you want to be like prior guests like Ben Stiller or Donald Glover.

You want to get so busy that you never return any of my messages. Yeah, I hope that for me. But you're not there yet. No, that's okay. I'm taking my time. It's a journey. Show business and life itself is a journey. And life is also like a box of chocolates like that odd ball for scump.

Yeah, like the chocolates that. The chocolates that give you diarrhea. What are the... Laxatives. Life is like a box of laxatives. Are there intentional chocolates that give you diarrhea or is that just a prank? I think that's just the flavor I like them in. Oh, I see.

Yeah. Your laxatives or your chocolates? Both. I don't like to separate the two. Yes, it's like a Reese's peanut butter cup. It's like an adult edible. Thank you, yes. She is entering the one-timers club.

She is a stand-up comedian. She is, I believe, are you still a podcaster? Yeah, I mean, I go in and out, but yeah, today that's what I'm like my favorite burger. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And she is also a cast member of the new major motion picture, Jackass Best and Last, which comes out this Friday. Please welcome to the one-timers club and to the show, Rachel Wolfson. Hi.

Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you. At your house. Thank you. No one ever thanks me for being here. I really appreciate that. I think you deserve it.

But thank you as well for occupations. the same space as us and it's a pleasure to meet you. We've never met before. No, this is our first time. And I hope not our last, although I hope for your sake, you're never on the show again. Yeah, and yes. I hope for all of our sakes. But let's make the most of your appearance while you're here. Tell me a little bit about yourself, because I, my impression of you, knowing your career now for a number of years, but from before the previous Jackass movie, which was called Jackass Forever, if I'm not. taken. You were a stand-up who then got on to these jackass movies.

Yeah. But then I was reading today something about how you were a reporter or, I don't know, a blockchain. I don't even know what it was. I don't know what any of these things are. Oh, I love this question. There's actually another Rachel Wolfson out there. So it's not you. No, it is not me. And how is that occupying show business with another person with the same name? Well, it's not me, but I do respond to her messages I get about coming on blockchain podcasts.

So what can you tell us about it then? The Bitcoin? Yeah. You know, I don't know much about it. I think it's a Monday laundering scheme. I think it is, yeah. And I love laundry and I love money, so why? It's terrible when you put your money in like a pair of jeans, though, and you wash it and then it comes out kind of ruined.

I've done that, but with a vape and the vape still works. and I googled you're actually not supposed to smoke it after. Why is that? I think it's bad for your lungs, but the high is still good. And because the detergent has entered the vape or something to that effect? Yeah, the detergent. Maybe there's like a heat. There's like some science.

Oh, yeah, the heat involves melts the plastic or something like that. But it still works, you know, and I have a weird twitch in my eyes sometimes, but that was there before. Okay, so now what can you tell me about what I've read about you? what is about you and what is about the other Rachel Wolfson. Okay, so let's let's go down what I sort of know about you. Yeah, let's guess which one's real. Yes, which one's about them, which ones about you? The real Rachel Wolfson versus.

One of the Rachel Wolfsons apparently no longer smokes weed for health reasons. Is that her or is that you? Well, that could be her. It was also me. There was at one point where I stopped smoking weed. And yet you have returned. I, yes, I've come back, uh, this time, it's personal. Rachel smokes weed part two, starring Forrest Gump.

This is all based on riffs we were doing before the show started. Sorry, I forgot. This is a friend. No one will know what we're talking about. But it's perfect. It all makes sense. No, I'm back now. I came back. You're back in the weed smoking groove. Yes, I'm back. And I'm proud to be back because when I quit for a year, I just wanted to see if I could do it. And I did it. But I also picked up drinking and smoking cigarettes. So. Yeah, I mean, you just exchanged one for the other. So, and weed is probably better than the other two? Yeah, we did definitely better. But I was like, what if I quit doing one vice for something that's worse? Usually people do the opposite. Right. Exactly. So you, and how was that year for you? Was it? Well, I learned after quitting weed that life's not better, but it's certainly not worse. Okay. So it's about the same. Yeah. Wonderful. All right. So that is you. Yeah. Now, I also learned that one of the Rachel Wolfson's has a parent who was a judge who sentenced my good friend OJ Simpson to 30 years in jail. Yes. My mother, yes, that's the right one. She was the judge in OJ's case where a jury presided. She's not Judge Ito. We want to make that clear. No, she is Judge Ito. And I'll tell you, people have asked, is your mom, Judgeito. She is. But now she's like, you know, like Forrest Gump, too.

The first one, it's Lansito. And then the second one, it's my mom. Right, right. So, but the jury was the one who said that he. Yes, was actually guilty. She only did the sentencing. She was just like. And she's sort of, the judge is like the ringmaster in a trial.

Yeah, she's like the host of the show. Yeah, exactly. The audience that determines how it goes. The Colbert or the Letterman or the Carson of the courtroom. Totally. Yeah. That's a good song title. The Carson of the courtroom. Yes, I like the Carson of the Corpse. The Colbert. The Carson of the courtroom. It's, uh, yeah, I like this.

Yeah. So she, so she took a look at the jury. It's all, blame everything on the jury. The jury said this guy's guilty. And she just looked at her guidelines and said, okay, OJ, you have to go to jail for 30 whatever years. Well, I believe it was nine to 33. And I don't think he served the whole time because he got out and became a, uh, a contributing resident of Las Vegas. That's right, yes. And now he hosts a show for us over on CBB World. Yes, I saw that. That's very cool.

It is cool. You know, he's sort of rehabbing his rep. I don't really, I didn't pay attention to him in the 90s, so I don't really know what was going on with him. Oh, yeah. No, there's a naked gun. Naked gun. Oh, okay, because I've heard of guns. Yeah.

But naked ones? Yeah. Yeah, undressed. Yeah. Interesting. So did you get to go to the trials? Did you get to... I went to...

There was a bail hearing. I think he got pulled in because he had not posted bail or something in between. I think he was like, he didn't pay his bail bondsman and apparently you're not allowed to do that. You got to pay your bail bondsman

if they're going to put up bail. It's a nice thing to do. Yeah, it's gentlemanly. Right. And so I think it was just a bad day. I think he got lost in the mail. And so my mom just invited him back to the court. Oh, how nice.

And she just... To clear all of it up. Yeah, she just, you know, wanted to... Did he RSVP, like, definitely will attend? He did. He had no choice. And when he got there, you know, my mom just basically said politely that he's being very ignorant and arrogant. Oh, really?

Is that in the court transcripts? And you were there watching this? Yeah. Wow. I was there. How did he take that? Did he start putting on any gloves? You know, I think he fell in love.

Really? He just kind of sat there and took it. Wow. So you think your mom and him had some sort of spark there? I don't know. Will they, won't they kind of thing? I mean, I think he thought he had a stab at it, but I don't. Pun, definitely not intended.

No, no, no, but yeah, I think that, yeah, I think guilty. And pun not intended with that either. No, I, yeah, you know, like sometimes just things don't work out. That's fun, though, having a parent who's a judge. Did you get to go in there every once in a while and watch executions and stuff like that? Like, who exactly is it fun for? I would think it would be fun for you, but perhaps not all of the participants who are sitting across from them. Yeah, I guess it's fun to like watch, you know, your mom judge people.

I get, is it, I, now that I'm thinking about it, though, to like having one of my parents yelling at me all day at home and then having to go to their work, they're yelling at people as well. Are you serious? I've never felt more in common with someone than O.J. Simpson in my life. Like, he's sitting there and my mom's kind of, you know, put him in. And you're arrogant. You don't listen. And you need to go to your room.

And I was like, yeah, dude, I get it. Now, you're not, when she orders you to go to your room, it's not a 9 by 11 jail cell. No, it's a little bit bigger, but there is no TV. That's something that jazz. So it may as well be a jail cell. Yeah. They have TV in jail. They do.

In the common room? But not in the actual cells. I don't know. I think they at least have like Netflix. So they, okay, they have some good streaming options. Yeah, no, not me. My parents didn't put a TV in my room. And I think it's because they didn't want to keep taking it in and out when they would punish me.

Because that was, they would say, we're going to take away your privileges. Right. And that meant they were going to take a, that and watching MTV. And those two things matter. Those are very, especially with the Rock the Vote campaign, those are so inexorably tied together. No, it really shaped me. Yeah. So were you a rebellious, mischievous child?

Yeah, I had a mullet. Shit. And buck teeth. Whoa. Yeah. And the buck teeth were on your mouth, I'm presuming, or in your mouth. That's where they grew. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm trying to imagine you, can I draw this maybe of what you might have looked? So you had short hair up on top. Yeah. Have you seen the Buckees logo? The, who's this now? The Buckees logo. Who's Buckees? Buckees is like a gas station in Texas.

Have you heard of Wawa? I have heard of Wawa, yeah. It's like the Wawa of the South and the mascot is Buckees. I'm pretty sure he's the owner and founder. I'm sorry, I'm not really listening. I'm drawing. I think he's like a chipmunk or something. Anyways, you got to go.

Okay. Did you look anything? like this. Oh yeah, definitely with the mustache too. Well, I was trying to draw the buck teeth and it came out looking like a goatee. I'll show you the picture. I'll show you my picture at the end. And I chose that haircut. Did you really? What? Did you see it on someone else and you were like? So growing up, my mom kept my hair short on purpose. Why? And I just thought that maybe she just thought maybe they wouldn't kidnap me because I just was ugly. You're too identifiable. Usually the kidnappers, they take people with long hair and then they cut the hair.

Well, it's more like, it's more like she has short hair, it's goofy, and she doesn't shut up. And I forget why we even started talking about this. Oh, I remember. You wanted to know about my career. Oh, right, right. So then suddenly you're in jackass. Yeah. I mean, it all led.

It all led there, really. You are in these jackass movies. You've been in the last one that came out. I believe three years ago or two years ago when did this one come out? Who even knows? Yeah, what is time? And now you're in something called Jackass Best and Last which is the current Jackass movie, number five by my count.

And I mean, these must be just a ball to make. If you haven't seen these Jackass movies, a group of very interesting individuals. How would you describe jackass to someone, like let's say an alien comes to Earth? And you're in charge of explaining. How macro do I need to go? Like, I have to explain the United States and other countries in war. Do I show them, like, clips of Hitler first?

Just assume that they've seen all the clips of Hitler. And now we can move on to education. Okay, well, okay, there's a group of people who are desensitized to violence. They've desensitized themselves so much so that they enjoy placing a camera. in a location and then watching each other get pummeled in the nuts by various animals and machines. Do I have to explain nuts to them? Can I just say D's nuts? Yeah, they know D's nuts.

They don't know what nuts. Yeah, they know also Uranus. Oh, they do. Okay, yeah, because they've flown around it a few times. That's all you had to say. You know? I'll just say Uranus. They put stuff up their anus.

They put stuff of Uranus. And so that's exactly how I explained it to my mom. Okay. So your mom didn't know what these were. Because she's a judge and she's out there like giving people who do this kind of stuff hard time. Well, it's funny because growing up, her name is Jackie Glass and growing up her nickname was Jackass Glass. And so she, she manifested this. So do you think when you said, hey, I'm in this movie Jackass, did she say, is this my biopic?

Yeah, she was like, oh, wow, I didn't know they were shooting my life. And I was like, listen, I explained to her all these things, you know, and the guys, they put stuff up their butt and like, punch each other in the dick. and and I told her I was going to go for it. And so was she, I always find that interesting with parents who are kind of sound to me a little straight-laced. I don't know, you haven't told me whether they are or not. They're more straight than laced. Okay, got it. Okay.

But my parents were more laced. Right. But, you know, did they go see the movie and were they like, that was incredible? Okay. So I took them to the red carpet and I loved watching my parents watch Jackass, which I think is the first movie they've ever seen. I think my dad tried to. The first movie they've ever seen? Well, it is the first movie, but also the first jackass movie.

And I think my dad. What if they thought all movies were like Jackass after this? They like go see Pinocchio and they're like, where were all the stunts? I'm telling you they were so disappointed in the last Batman movie. And the avatar. My dad was like, where's Steveo? So, yeah, I loved watching them watch Jackass. And I asked my dad, how, what did you think of it?

And he's like, you know, it kept my attention the whole time. I didn't fall asleep. These are the kind of compliments that our parents give us. Oh, yeah. That fuel the fire of rage within certain artists. My dad, the one thing he wants me to do is give him Johnny Knoxville's number. And it's the one thing I have over my dad that I'll number. Why does he want Johnny Knoxville's number?

number. Well, one, the latest thing he wants from him is he wants his sweater, the green, the red sweater. Okay. And so for my dad's birthday, uh, this lady in his office had her son Photoshop, not AI, Photoshop my dad in Knoxville's red sweater. So I have to find a Knoxville sweater in a double XL. So he doesn't want the actual sweater that Knoxville was wearing. No, he wants a, he, oh, he wants that particular one? Or he wants one that would fit? him meaning the same style. No, he wants that one. I don't go around wanting people's clothes that I meet. You know what I mean? That seems like an odd request. It's like, go buy your own fucking sweater. I mean, it's not really that odd, but maybe because he's my dad. I just don't,

I just don't think it'll look as, honestly, I don't know. Maybe it will look good if it's a little more fitted. So do you think he watched Jackasson was like not really paying attention to the mayhem, but was just like, that sweater would look good on me. That is a thousand percent what happens. That is a thousand percent. Wow. So now you're in the new one and you did some fairly crazy stuff in the last one. You were stung by scorpions. Does you get the call, hey, we're doing another one and purportedly by the title, I would say this is the last one perhaps. I mean, that's what they say. But Motley crew kept touring after their final tour. I mean, yeah, so blind with Rome. Yeah, exactly. So, um, so I, I, I, I, like,

that that's an expression like when in Rome. Yeah. You know, sublime with Rome. Yeah. But so you get, you get the call, hey, we're doing another one. Yeah. Do you start feeling like, oh, I got to psych myself up for this, or are you just excited from the jump or how do you feel about it? And I'm already psyched. I've been psyched.

Yeah. Yeah, from the jump. I'm just like, I, you know, I said, I want to go hard in this movie. I didn't know what this movie was going to be at the time. I didn't, I didn't know, like, that it was going to be footage, old footage, and new. Is it? Okay, I don't know anything. Yeah, it's like old footage, some of their old footage,

and then, like, we shot five days of new stuff. And, you know, I don't know what goes in or whatnot, but I definitely, I got hurt in this one. You know, I got hurt in the last one. But did you get hurt permanently? Like, you know, how Johnny Knoxville talks about how, was it the bull who permanently damaged his... Well, when I first auditioned,

Penis. I want to say the word. You keep interrupting me. Penis. Okay, got it. Penis. Penis. Penis.

Penis. Penis. Thank you. Oh, yeah. You guys don't play the game. Sorry about that. I hate when I interrupt someone when they say penis. Yes, thank you very much.

So I auditioned to be the bull. Oh, in that original one. In this. Oh, in this one. In forever. So you were pitching like, hey, Johnny, what if you went back into the bull ring and I was the bull? Did you want to dress as a bull or you just want to? to act like a bowl?

All of it. All the bullshit. And let me just headbutt you in the genitals. Yeah. So they're like, you know, we could have you do that or you could just be the girl. And I was like, you know, I would love to play the girl just one time. So, yeah. And then, you know, I kind of had to navigate what that meant because they've never,

they've never really like been around one that much. Yeah, it seems like that. Yeah. I think it seems to me like Johnny maybe has had sex with. a few of them, but the other guys, I don't know if they've been around any of them. Yeah, I don't know anything. Because he's been married a few times. I don't know about his career, but I will say that I kind of just had to navigate. Yeah. Hey, these are the different body parts that I have that you don't have. Right. That's probably the first day of shooting. I was like, what can I bring to set? And I brought my period because I got it on the first day.

Did you really? Yeah. So I was the only one bleeding before the stunts. And then does that, and this is a serious question. Did that factor into any of the stunts of like, oh, I don't think Rachel can do. this particular one because the sharks will eat her yes exactly yeah no that didn't factor in it at all in fact it i think it helped yeah i was in my ludial phase i don't know what that means but um so this so this when you're going harder you say you got hurts but you seem fine right now i mean like yeah i'm like i'm physically fine but but do you mentally do you feel a toll after these shoot days where you're just like oh my god that i'm going to have nightmares about this Yeah. Yeah, but like, I've always had nightmares.

Yeah, so have everyone has. Yeah, you don't, you know, like most people are like, oh, what do you dream of? Is it rainbows and butterflies? And it's like, no, me getting tasered in the butthole. That's a dream for me. Is that in the new movie, by the way? It might get cut out, but like, I hope that one makes it. And how did they aim the taser in that particular stunt?

Or do they put it in prior to the stunt happening? So, like, you know, aim is. What is aim? It's a social construction. Yeah, that's right. It's just something that the man invented to make police officers feel like they had a goal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this, I mean, it sounds like an amazing experience for you. You shoot five days. You're in a movie. Your parents go see it and you're being tasered in the butthole. Yeah. And to me, they're like, you know, what did you hope for yourself when you were 15 and I say, this is it? It kind of is, right? Being in a movie? I mean, this is, it's a strange way to go about it in a way, but.

Well, when I first started stand-up, I was like, I want to be a comedian because I still, that's, I just want to do stand-up. I love comedy. Yeah, this was, this is what I hope for, but not really, because when I started stand-up, I never thought I would be in a movie. I just wanted to, you know, disappoint my parents in a new way. And then that, that's when Knoxville asked me to come audition. And what was the audition? Because I read it was too. days. It seems to me like you do one stunt and they go like, yeah, okay. Okay, so initially I showed up. I thought it was a Jack Black movie. And when I got there, why? It's Johnny Knoxville like asking you to do it. No, I'm just kidding. I was saying Jack, they said, I heard Jack Black thing. I don't have good service by my apartment. No. You just heard you heard the Juh?

Yeah. And I was like, whatever. I'm, I'll do anything at this point. And I show up and it's Jamie Lee Curtis as Johnny Knoxville. That's crazy. Isn't that? crazy? Have you seen them? Has she been doing Johnny Knoxville for the past two movies? You've never seen them in the same room together. That's incredible. Yeah. She is an amazing talent. Yeah. They're both, you know, they, they are. What a lot of people don't know is Johnny Knoxville was her in the Oscar winning, Freaky Friday movie. Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. How do they decide who to give the Oscar to in the Freaky Friday movies? Because they switch bodies. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, that might be rough. If you give it to to Jamie Lee Curtis, doesn't Lindsay Lohan really deserve it?

Yeah, that's a good point. Anyway, Jackass Best and Last is out this Friday. And I'm excited to see what happens to you. I always enjoy the Jackass movies. Our friend Lance Bangs is out there usually throwing up in them, which makes me laugh. Yeah, like that, you know, it's when Lance Bangs throws up, it's like an angel gains its wings. He has such an interesting career of being, you know, this incredible music video director and being married to a, you know, incredible feminist musical icon. And then he goes and does camera op for these Jackass movies and is caught on film throwing up at people getting paper cuts.

Yeah, I call him Pukes of Hazard. Well, Jackass Best and Last is out this Friday. Rachel, can you stick around? We have an incredible show. We have a local citizen and a hotelier. Oh, yeah. I was never going to leave. Oh, great.

Oh, okay. Fantastic. Well, we're going to come right back. We will have more Rachel Wolfson. We'll have a local citizen and a hotelier. We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang, bang, bang. We're back.

Rachel Wolfson is here from, no, not a Bitcoin podcast. What was the other thing that the other Rachel Wolfson does? Rachel, I'm going to look this up. Rachel Wolfson podcast. Chronic Relief. No, that's your podcast. Yeah. Well, I think they were saying that that, that this person who I didn't know was two people, did not only a marijuana theme podcast, but also did a Bitcoin podcast. I was like, what?

Or blockchain podcast. Those two that, I call it pot chain. Mm-hmm. You know, that's, again, I'd love to combine things. Mm-hmm. So money laundering. Blockchain. Yeah, blockchain.

Blot. Blot. Is a pot. Pot. Yeah, pot. Plot chain. Pot chain. I think we're close.

Yeah, plot change. We'll get there at some point. Jackass Forever or no, sorry, Jackass Best and Last. Here's the thing. It was Jackass Forever, like Batman Forever. Shouldn't it be Jackass and Robin? Yeah, I think they wanted that, but the Instagram wasn't available. So they decided to go with Best and Last.

Okay, got it. Jackass Best and Last out this Friday. We need to get to our next guest. This is exciting. He's a local citizen. Now, you live in Los Angeles as well, Rachel. So local to both of us, I would imagine. Yeah.

Please welcome for the first time on the show, Tyler, your girl's new friend. Hey, Scott. Hey. Thanks for having me on. I'm really happy to be here. My pleasure. This is Rachel. Hey, Rachel.

You look great. Have you ever seen the jackass movies? Oh, so funny. Yeah. So funny. Which ones? I've seen them all. You've seen them all.

Yeah. Do you see them right when they come out? I seem right when they come out. I call up a friend. Yeah, which is, do you have a go-to friend that you go to the jackass movies? friends. I've got, yeah, I make friends constantly. Part of the reason why I wanted to come on the show. Oh, okay. Why? It's such an unusual name. Tyler, your girl's new friend. Well, a lot of people call me that just because I'm your girl's new friend.

What does that mean? I guess I'm not quite understanding what that is. I've got a lot of female friends. Oh, you do? Yeah. And a lot of them are in relationships, and sometimes that causes some conflict. And surprisingly, I mean, we're just friends. There's no big deal. Yeah. It's a certain type of. gentleman who is friends with a lot of females. Rachel, do you have a lot of male best friends? Yeah, I call them the zoners. Why do you call them the zoners?

You know, they know that they stay in their zone. Yeah. They stay in that friend zone. Yeah. I'm staying in the zone. So I just want to kind of come out and say that there's nothing to worry about. Everything's cool. If some of these guys are upset, I don't understand why.

They're lucky guys. I mean, a lot of my friends are pretty amazing ladies. Yeah. Well, that's the thing is you should trust your partner. It's not the guy they're hanging around with's fault. If you don't trust your partner, it's their thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, and that's what I'm telling them.

Yeah. And now you don't try to cross any lines or, you know, have you heard? There's this song that I heard the other day. And it was three very interesting gentlemen who were singing about a situation they all had found themselves in where some of the ethical boundaries had been blurred a bit. And I thought, oh, God, that's an interesting situation to be in. Have you ever crossed any of these blurred lines? I mean, for me, no.

We just hang out. We have a good time. I love to cook. And so you cook for these whews? Yeah. Yeah. Some of my girlfriends have just amazing palettes. And before I host a dinner party, I want to try out my new recipes and the wine pairings

with them and get their feedback. Who are you having the dinner parties with them? These women or? Just other friends, yeah. And I don't want to embarrass myself around them. So I'll find maybe a friend of mine who has a really specific high-end palate. How do you cook for them specifically? And I mean, they'll give me great feedback.

How do you figure out that these women have great palettes? Are you inspecting them? Just through listening. I don't know how that would come up in conversation. I'm just listening to them, which is something I apparently they don't get a lot of in their relationships. Interesting. Yeah.

But that's something made it work out. Have you ever had a conversation where you've discussed your palate? I don't think I've ever... It's a big topic in my family. We want to know about each other's palettes.

We're big palate cleansers. How is your palate? Do you have a high-end palate, does he say? My palate, it's... I'll try anything twice. What did you eat today, for instance? Air.

Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. You are a character. earth. Most of us are eating air. The majority of the things we eat are air, right? Just constantly swallowing air. All day long, we're swallowing air. Yeah, but I drink it. You drink it. Yeah. Liquefied air. And you're an original. And I love that. Right. Thank you. So are you, Tyler. You know, I try to be. Yeah. Would you take on Tyler as one of your zoners? Oh my God. I have so many Tyler's in my life. What I like, Tyler, you're a zoner, not a boner. And I love that about you.

Yeah, I'm a zoner. You know, but here's a thing. Happy to be his owner. Yeah, big zoner. My got my tylers, they end up getting married. And I am the Tyler now. Oh. I'm the Tyler.

It's like Captain Phillips. I am now the friend of the guy. You're Captain Phillips. Yeah. Or you're really the guy who. Oh, the guy who hijacked Captain Phillips. Yeah, which really that movie should have switched titles in the middle. You know, I wasn't paying attention.

I was at the movie with my friend and she was kind of working some stuff out. Oh. Oh, really? So while it was playing, I was kind of more checked in and concerned with her because I think that somebody needed to be there for her. Mm, yeah. And what was she going through? She had been attacked by pirates?

You know, she was dealing with some relationship stuff, Scott. Were she in a relationship with a pirate? Yeah. I mean, in a way. Okay. In what way? Like pirating her emotions. Oh, sort of like, what was that?

I remember when Metallica got really upset at that website? Oh. God, yeah, Napster. I love Napster. That's how I would describe it to your parents, by the way. What is Napster? Remember when Metallica got mad at a website? Oh, yeah.

Oh, man, I miss kids these days. Yeah, and I love music. So are you in a relationship? Oh, you love music? That's great to hear. Are you in a relationship yourself? Are you with anyone as well? No, I've been a little unlucky in love, and I just kind of stay open and let the universe.

I am spiritual. And also, I'm busy. I mean, I just... Busy doing what? Just, you know, after the fires, I spent some time. Which fires? The one's here? The fires here. I did some volunteering.

I helped try to fix some trees. I did some. What fires? There was some big fires here. All of them I tried to help out. When you say you tried to fix trees, what does that mean? A lot of trees were damaged pretty bad, Scott. How does one fix that?

Oh, tree surgery. I'm kind of a part. You're a tree surgeon? Yeah, I do a little bit. Surgery. Tree? I've heard of surgery. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, surgery. I do surgery. I volunteer for it.

Oh. So yeah, I do some volunteering. I volunteer. So you're busy. I mean, the fires were now a full year and a half ago. Right. But, you know, it takes a long time to, like, you grow the skin back. And I donated some skin. To the trees. I donated some skin to the trees, to some children, wherever, whoever needed it. I had a dermatologist tell me that I had some of the nice. his skin they had ever experienced and I was happy to donate it now it's growing back that's good

you're branching out I oh that's that's clever um I think that there's I think you guys could be no I mean we're we're zoned I mean and what happens when we what happens when you're each other's Tyler's yeah exactly I mean it's just a then it's just a friendship right and now have any of your friendships ever blossomed into something further much like that there's a very interesting film where a woman has an orgasm in a restaurant. Yeah. I hate when that happens. That's an inspirational scene for a lot of people.

It happens all the time and it's like at the wrong time, too. Yeah, exactly. I've shown that to some friends who were struggling with climaxe and I'm saying, just sometimes you've got to fake it till you make it. Yeah. Yeah. And I teach a kondalini yoga class where sometimes that helps loosen some people up. Very cool.

So have any of you have any of you really? relationships ever, ever turned into a romance? Oh, no, no, it's not like that. It's never, it's never been like that. This is like purely let me ask you a question then. Uh, what's the name of one of your many friends that are women? Oh, Sarah. Sarah. Yeah. So say Sarah were to say to you, you know, Tyler, I actually have developed feelings for you. What would you say in that situation? I would say maybe we should talk and explore that. So the fact that it has never progressed into a romance is merely because no one has ever said that to you.

Well, I mean, Sarah's in a very serious relationship. I wouldn't want to break that up. And sometimes, yes, sometimes things can get a little confusing. I mean, if I know a little physical therapy, a little massage therapy, and that can get, sometimes if I'm like working on somebody's neck, you know, sometimes they'll maybe develop a bond with me. Sure. Then you proceed to the back and then perhaps the pussy, the crack.

And the neck. Don't forget the neck. Yeah, it's mostly the neck. I mean, yes, I've done some surrogate stuff. What do you? What do you mean? Sexual surrogate tree? No, what is it?

You've done this for who? I've done some sexual surrogatory. Yeah. So in what in what respect? If one of your friends is having difficulty in the bedroom with their boyfriend, you Yeah, or just a, uh, uh, uh, fertility problems. Oh.

Yeah. So you're there to, what do you do? This has all been in the name of friendship. I've had some friends who are having fertility problems and they will ask me if I'm very fertile. And how did, oh, really? Like just a ton of sperm? I do. Yeah.

It's blown the mind of a few doctors I've seen. Just Peter North style just. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's actually an issue for me. It's a problem. Okay. You laugh, but when you experience, when you're on the receiving ends, yes, it actually causes a lot of issues.

I thought he said, you're very turtle. That's what I heard. Oh, yeah, like entourage. You're very turtle. Yeah, you're like, you know, there to drive around your, you know, movie star best friend. I mean, I'm a little bit of a home body. If that's what you're saying. I've had the opposite.

All of my friendships have turned romantic and that's why we're not friends anymore. Is that really so, really? And is that because, you? You crossed the boundary into a romantic relationship or just the other person tried to and you were accepting of it? How does this work? How does it, oh, how does it transition over? I mean, sometimes, you know, life just brings two people together. Life finds a way.

Yeah, you know, you either grow together or grow apart. Yeah. And I like to do both with one person. Uh-huh. Wow, that has never happened to me. You've just never done it. No, no. But you have provided.

too much sperm for couples who are having trouble conceiving. Yes, I've provided just endless amounts of sperm if they need it. Right. Viles upon vials. Yeah, I mean, it's not. Or are you implanting it the nature's way? Yeah, nature's way, preferably. If they want, I'm happy to do that, but it really anyway. And so you have then had sex with a lot of these women.

What percentage of your friends over the years have you had sex with? Oh, great question. Thank you. you're really getting good at this. Oh, you're a listener? Oh, can't never miss an episode. Okay, there have been a few you could have missed, but, uh... No, never missed one.

Okay, that's so nice. I got all the merch. Yeah. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. You have the All Joking a Salad T-shirts? I've wear it to bed. Okay, so wait.

So, uh, when you're, like, having sex with some of these women trying to give them your sperm, you're wearing my all-joking a salad t-shirt? Just to keep things light and fun. Okay. And remember how like, not serious and there's a purpose to it and we don't want to get stressed out. So, yeah, I'll throw on the all joking of salad. And we'll get a good. We'll laugh and laugh.

Laugh and laugh. And then the pounding starts. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's less pounding and more just kind of a lot of direct eye contact. I don't know that I would like a lot of direct eye contact. I honestly want people to look away. Like, I'm not offended if it's like, I'm thinking about someone. else. You know, it's like, I'm glad about it. Like, don't stare me down, you know? What do you think, Rachel?

No, I want to be stared at. You want to be stared at. I don't want you to look away at all. Really? If you look away one second. So you want to be like Dr. James Dobson, you want focus on the family. Don't even blink. Wow. Yeah. And I think that just happens sometimes. When you're around a friend you're comfortable with, you just wind up an unblinking eye contact. Yeah, we're locked in. I don't think you ever answered what percentage of, it's high. It's in high. That's high. Yeah, I would say high.

60. High 90s? That's high. It's rather high. And but that's, again, there's nothing to be worried about as far as like developing a relationship. I'm not trying to kick these guys. Well, you certainly develop a sexual relationship. I mean, for the sake of procreation.

Yes. Okay. So are you enjoying this at all? Are you doing multiple positions that feel good? Or? Well, certain positions lead to pregnancy more than others. Okay, so you're focusing on that one? Yeah.

And what is this? Reverse cowgirl? Reverse cowgirl really helps quite a bit. Okay. All right. So, yeah, a lot of reverse cowgirl, but that can get complicated, too, because you need to set up mirrors to make a direct eye contact. Yeah. Okay.

And how many have conceived with your... Oh, the numbers high. Yeah, also in the high range. again, my my seed is potent, but I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers. And it's strong.

Yes. Again, these guys who are in relationships with my friends, they are safe. I'm not coming for them. You're certainly coming in a place. Yes.

I mean, I'm just trying to help them start a family. So if you're looking for a family and you want some just giant testicleed person who creates a lot, I'm assuming. Well, the testicles are perfectly normal size. They are.

Why do they create so much? They're just working, they're working hard. Now, yes, parts of my anatomy are quite large and it leads to other complications. Which, do you mind me asking which parts are large? I mean, because I'm looking at you, you seem to be just a normal sized human being. Your hands are pretty regular. Your feet are pretty regular. Nothing, nothing that I can see on the outside. Yeah, when I, when I'm stripped nude. you're saying that like someone else does it to you well yeah I mean sometimes do you have like a butler I do I do I'm very wealthy

you're wealthy yeah from what oh just from all my inventions okay I gotta stop you right here you're an inventor this is what I think we should have been talking about from the beginning what have you invented oh just all kinds of things Yeah, well, I'm going to have to hold your feet to the fire and make you be specific here. No. What's one of the things that we all know about, you know?

Computer chips. Computer chips, like the actual like intel chips that are computers that do the process? Oh, I thought they were like chips that were flavored computer. Yeah, I mean. Is that what you're talking about? You made some snack items that are like computers? For Silicon Valley crowd. That tastes like wires?

Yeah. mean, they taste like chips, but it's fun. It's fun marketing, and that kind of took off, and that led me into the world of chips. Okay. What else have you invented? Is there? I mean, that sounds more like a business and not an invention, if I'm being honest. Do you know what I mean? Well, yeah, I was... You didn't invent chips. No, but... Like, you know how George Washington Carver invented the, you know, peanut butter? Yeah. Yeah. He made the peanut great, as RundDMC once said. I mean, have you ever had... non-stirable peanut butter.

What does that mean? Peanut butter you don't have to stir. You don't have to or unable to? You're unable to. So what are we talking like thick, immovable peanut butter? Have you ever had that? I don't. No, I have not.

Is that one of your inventions? It's one of my inventions. Okay. To what purpose does it serve? Well, it helps in construction. In what way? Because it's not sticky anymore. It's not an adhesive.

That's right. It hard. Sure. It sounds like it's already hard. So what purpose does is used as a tool? Scott, get with the time. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's one of the problems and it stresses a lot of my friends out. I mean, how are we going to build housing around here? Okay. I don't know that making immovable peanut butter has solved the housing crisis. Well, you've got to think abstracted. Yeah. Okay, sure. So that's, so you're a very wealthy individual. Does right. Is that something that? Is that something that,

these, the boyfriends of your friends, feel? Maybe. I don't know. Have any, Rachel, have any of your zoners ever been rich? No, I don't, that's not what I'm looking for. That's probably why they're zoners. Yeah, none of these relationships have been sexual. They're just purely scientific. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, there is sex that happens, but it's for science. It's just to, yeah, figure out exactly what. I don't even think any of them have owned wallets. And yeah, Scott, some of us believe in science. Okay, I'm not saying. So wait, you've had the Fauci-Occi?

Yes. Okay. I got jabbed. I'm not afraid to say it. Which one? And how many times? I get them all the time. Yeah.

Yeah. Every couple of them. Every couple of days I go. I got Sputnik. I got all of them. Well, Tyler, your girl's new best. No, sorry, new friend. You're not best friends.

No, we're not best friends. I mean, sometimes. Okay. But anyway, you... Sometimes. I'm glad that we could... I've been a maid of honor, quote unquote, a time or two. Yeah, we were dismounting, by the way, and going to commercial.

Oh, okay. Sorry, it's a problem I have with the dismount. Wait, so when you're having sex to create these babies with all of your semen, you don't get off of the woman, you lie on top of her for how long? Well, it's... And then we'll take a break. Yeah. Well, I do practice some tantric elements. I do think it helps. Tyler, your girl's new friend. We're going to come right back. Can you stick around?

I love to. I'm having a great time. Fantastic. Well, we're going to come right back. We have a hotelia after the break. That's exciting. You ever stay in a hotel, Tyler? Oh, yes. I love the hotel near me. Deep toilets. That's the name of the hotel? Scott. No, the hotel has deep toilets. So why is that a plus for you? Is because you have so much sperm that you're ejaculating? Well, it needs to hold it or you have a ton of shit as well? I don't have to keep my penis from getting dunked in the water. I can let it hang, which is a big relief.

I understand. That's a relief for me too. All right, great. Well, Tyler, your girl's new friend. We're going to come right back with you. We'll also have more Rachel Wolfson. Also, we have a hotelier. This is a great episode of Comedy Bang Bang.

We're going to come right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang, Bang. We're back. Rachel Wolfson is here from Jackass Best and Last. And do you think this is the last one or do you think in a couple of years there's just, you know, going to be another one? You know the answer I can tell from your face. And the only one who knows the answer is the Lord upstairs. That's right. Yeah, he's very invested in the franchise.

Yeah. Wow. So, I mean... I'm kind of getting into religion. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What part?

I just want to be. a little more soulful as I get along. Okay, so not any specific religion. You're just trying to be spiritual? I think there's stuff you can take from all of them. Okay, great. Like what? Like Jesus being the son of God?

I could see you being a Southern Baptist. Yeah, I could do. Handling snakes. Yeah, and they're beautiful creatures. Okay, all right. Look, Tyler. We need to get to our next guest. They are a hotelier, and I don't have the name here, but please welcome the

hotelier. Hello, Scott. Hi, great to meet you. I'm sorry. My producer didn't give me your name, unfortunately. Terry Chavo. Terry Shivo. Yeah, with a Y.

Okay. Terry with a Y? Terry with a Y. And then Shivo spelled the traditional way that we all know about. If it's the one you know, then that's probably it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay.

So nice to meet you, Terry. This is Tyler, your girl's new friend. And this is Rachel Wolfson. It's Wolfston. Thank you. Are you a jackass fan? Absolutely, yeah. I've seen all of them.

And I've seen right when they come out in the theater as well. Okay, great. I have to say, you know, there's a famous Terry Shivo. Well, yeah, I do know. It's been an albatross around my neck most of my life. Right, right. Okay, but you're not related. No, I'm not related, but of course I get, you know, hear all the jokes and whatnot.

It doesn't seem like a joking matter to me necessarily. I wouldn't think so either. It's about it was a right to love. life case. Right, exactly. So, but you're not related to that case. Do you have any strong feelings on it, or? I said, I said, at the time, I was more concerned about,

oh, God, we have the same name. But really, the details of the case itself. I don't even remember how it came out in the end, but, um, I don't think it came out well. Well, was there, what outcome would be good? I mean, look, we all are going to eventually end

up, uh, wherever, whatever happens in your spirituality, Terry. Tyler. What's your name, Tyler? You're Terry, you're Tyler. That's right. The Shutee. Should I have had two guests with the T-Dame on on the same show? Maybe three. Well, you have Tyler the creator, but you're Tyler the inventor.

Yes. And you're Tyler the Hotelier. Not Tyler at all, actually. Sorry, you're Terry. Terry Schia. Yeah. But have you ever nicknamed you Tyler the Hotelier? Not to my knowledge. Okay.

Maybe behind my back, but no, I mean, to tell you the truth, why I got into this and the name is because it's been I've been dragging it around my whole life and I can't escape it. I thought at this point I'm just going to make lemonade out of these goddamn lemons because this bitch has been bringing me down. So I decided to make a new business venture and open a series of hotels, the Terry Shy Votel. And Terry Shy Votel. Yes, correct. So without the H, it's just Terry Shy Votel. Correct. But if you're listening to it, I think you can hear that H. Yeah, but the H is silent and not even there in the spell. Not even there at all. Okay, great. And it's the world's first hotel that is exclusively for comas. Because have you ever

thought about all the coma patients in hospitals just taking up those damn beds? They're not really patients right now. They're just, we're waiting around and you're just, have you ever thought, this isn't a hotel? Well, now that is a hotel. Okay, so this is not for people in permanent vegetative states. This is for people who are literally in comas. Literally in comas. But some of those are permanent, I suppose. I don't, you know, I haven't visited a hospital's coma wing recently. I have. I've been doing it.

Yeah. I've eaten at Tony Comas before. That's one of my favorite. A place for comas. Yeah, Tony Comas. I like to read books to a lot of the coma patients. Yeah. Okay.

Well, now you can do that at one of the hotels. Just get them out of the hospitals because they're taking up space. Them and Long COVID. That is not get them out of there. Okay. So you have very strong opinions on Long Co. Or you're bringing beds. I think it's just laziness at a certain point.

I call them the Locos, the long COVIDs. Oh, I love that. Mm-hmm. Going to be going to be using that. So you, so have you talked to other, have you talked to hospitals about this? Any hospitals, not just other ones. Have you talked to any hospitals about, hey, we have this business idea? Oh, I don't want to be in business with the hospital.

I want to be in business with the people. So I bypassed the hospitals entirely because we give you a better rate than you're going to get spending, however, much dang money you're going to spend in that hospital every night. Oh, really? So what's the, what's the Terry Shive Hotel difference? Well, it's, uh, it's, we do obviously monthly rates and with minimum week stay. If you're going to be getting in and out of the coma, kind of that fast, we're not that interested. How does anyone know if they're going to get out of the coma and less than the week? I think they know. You think they do. Okay. I think they know. Okay. So, so, uh, weekly is the minimum, but monthly rates? Monthly tradition.

yeah, we're going to give you a good rate there. And we're going to give you all the care that you'd get in a hospital, but just in a hotel. Very nice hotel, by the way. Okay, what are some of the amenities? Beds, the ones... Those are in hospitals? Well, in fact, and we get hospital beds that have been no longer needed. And we...

So that right now there's no difference between you in a hospital. Well, when it comes to this one amenity that you're touting. Well, as the top line amenity that comes to mind first, beds are old hospital beds. Well, but the exterior definitely looks like a hotel. Oh, wow. Like a Fairmont. You know, that sounds kind of nice. You don't want to, hospitals are sterile and you don't feel good when you're in them.

This feels like a hotel because it is actually a hotel. But it actually feels like a hospital in terms of the beds, which is the first thing that you thought of. It does. Well, it's the first thing that I thought of, but maybe someone else thinks of something different. Okay, so what's the second thing? What's the second amenity that you want to advertise as the Terry Shive Hotel has? Well, a room service. Okay.

Meaning, much like a hospital, people come into your room and give you the food. Not at all like that. We have someone that comes. They'll bring you breakfast. They'll bring you lunch and dinner. And they'll clean out the bedpan on their way out. Okay, I like this. I would love to stay at a hotel that actually does that.

Cleaning out the bed tent? You can stay at one of these hotels. They're open to you as well. I'm not in a coma. You said that you're not interested. I'm interested. You just share it with a coma. share it with a person who has a coma or with an actual coma I call them comas oh okay the people I call them

comas because yeah got it they're kind of in between being people anyway so I'd say let's call them coma so you could get a room with one of them but you cannot have sex with them or anything like that if that's what you were thinking yeah Scott you not everything's sexual okay hold on a second maybe you share a room with a coma and your positive energy can maybe bring them out of this okay that's not what I was thinking we don't allow that and honestly I find it a little odd that that's one of the first things you may mention as one of the rules as if it has happened multiple times in your hotel. I don't want it to be a problem.

Okay. No one wants it to be a problem, but has it been one? That's why I said it right up front, specifically for someone like you. To be honest, you talked about the beds first. That was the first thing I thought of. But I'm glad. The fact that no one is allowed to have sex with the coma patients, that should be- That should be just normal. Yeah.

You don't want it to be. You don't think it needs to be said. That seems like a problem, all right? if you don't want it to be one of the rules. It's one of my main rules. Yeah, when in Roma, be in a coma. Thank you. Oh, wow. Yeah. We'll have fun. I love rules. Sublima with Roma? Sublima with Roma. There's no place like coma. Yeah. Hold on, right in these down.

Yeah. Good. Slow down. Wait, what are you writing down on, by the way? These slogans. Yeah, no, but what are you writing down on? I can't quite tell. Is that like a... It's wax paper that we use on some of the chairs in the rooms. Okay. Why are you putting wax paper down? down on the chairs? Because we can change it out each time. It's cheaper than cleaning every single time. Just changing wax paper. Is it not uncomfortable? Like if you're sitting there hoping your loved one wakes up from a coma, all the crinkling around when you're constantly shifting? I think

it actually is maybe inspirational to the person in the coma if you can hear your loved one in the room. So that crinkling is a sign of love. Also, I don't think it saves on cleaning because you should also be doing cleaning. We have cleaning. You do. How often? We have a maid service that is um uh comes around uh well if you're in there for a week they'll be there once a week for sure i i i like uh i like your company slogan it's like all of garden you know when you're here you're in a coma yeah exactly hold on me right this down right quick okay so how's paper right now she's crinkling so loud it wasn't that laugh and i was sitting on it so it's going to hey you know i'm here okay make sure that you don't throw it away when you're done

because you want to keep these slogans. Yes. How deep are the bed pans? Well, yeah. I mean, are you going to be sitting on one of them? Possibly, yeah. But they have no water in them, so you're not, I think I know what you're getting at. I just don't want to touch the bottom of a cold bowl.

Well, I mean, I think he's worried about his, uh, dipping his hog in into the bedpan. Thank you for using a medical term, by the way. You are in the medical industry. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not in the medical industry. No, you're a hotel. I bypass the hospital. So you're allowed to say things like hog, whereas if I were to go into, you know.

My doctor refers to it as hog. It's a regional thing. I think people, you know, wherever you're from, you've learned a different word for it. Yeah, I think he's from where you're from. Whereas Rachel and I, we said penis earlier in the episode several times. It's the penis game, not the hog game. Yeah. Yeah, so it's wherever you learned it.

Okay. So you have made service once a week cleaning out the bedpans. think that those bedpans could stand a few more cleanings than just once a week? We have had, that's been on the comment cards, that's been one of them, yeah. And do you have any intentions of fixing that? Actually, the comment cards were wax paper, so I'd, most of them have been thrown out, and so it does slip my mind. So we're thinking about, now that you're saying it again, I've got it top of mind. Okay, great.

It's the number one thing. But it's not, do you cannot have sex with the people in the commas, though? That's actually, it's still number one. Let's say that's number one. This will be number two. Okay. Got it. And this goes for, there's just a blanket no sex policy anywhere in the hotel or?

No, I don't think, I think that would be crazy. Can the employees have sex with each other? No, no. That's an HR issue. Absolutely. You wouldn't have that in an office or something. Okay, so if sex is occurring in your hotel, why, what are the circumstances? If the employees can't have sex with each other.

Two guests in love? So, but maybe there's a husband and wife with their, and they're, they're, Their little son is in a coma and they're having sex in front of the coma. Well, they don't know when he's going to wake up. And what are they going to stop their routine? They've got bodily urges and functions that need to happen. I think that's beautiful, Terry. Yeah, we could turn this into a romantic comma, comity.

You are a character. A rom-tom. A rom-tom-coma. Right in the sound. Okay, got it. I'm imploring you to get some just regular paper, please. It's an idea, yeah. Are any of the employees,

allowed to have sex with any of the coma patients who wake up? Afterwards on their own free tap, I guess so. I mean, maybe it's like, like, oh, they're, they're, they, doctor, doctor, come quick. No doctors. No doctors. No doctors. Okay. So I've heard of doctors without borders, but doctors without any doctors. Doctors without banjuries. I've heard of them. I've heard of them actually. But so, so, so no doctors are here. So if someone wakes up from a coma, what, how are they attended to? By the bellhop. So, So that's who, we don't have doctors there. It's not a hospital.

But we have bellhops that are there for your every name, and concierge. And that's mostly for things to do in town, but they're not usually using them. And are the bellhops wearing stethoscopes? Are they wearing white coats? No, they're wearing a little red suit with a lot of gold medallions and a little red hat. Typical red hats. Can you picture it? If you can picture that.

Steve Bishami and Barton Fink maybe. Or a little monkey grinder outfit? Sure, yeah. Or Dunstan checks in. Remember that? The monkey? Of course. Remember that movie?

Dunstan checks in or Chucks in? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's an orangutan, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I believe Jason Alexander assisted a monkey checking into a hotel. I'm assuming is the plot of that movie. I do.

I do remember it, yeah. It has very little to do with what we do. But you're a hotel, aren't you? We are. Yeah. So there's a... That's the first time you've admitted we're not a hospital. Scott assumes all hotels have a deep knowledge of Dunstan checks in.

We do, I mean, we do love other... I love movies about hotels. It's just not one of the... Pretty woman. That's set a lot in a hotel. Yeah. Also with Jason Alexander. Yeah.

He really had a lock on hotel movies. When you think about it. Those two, for sure. I mean, 90% of his IMDB, I'm looking it up right now, is hotel-based. Seinfeld, there's a little bit of trivia on this. Seinfeld, everyone thought that was an apartment? It was said in a hotel. It was said in a hotel.

Incredible. What you learned about show business. Wow. So there are concierges who are there to assist any of the guests with reservations, amusement park tickets. Yeah, local, what shows are playing in town. Because we've set up the Terry Chive Hotels in most major cities right now. Really?

And Europe. We got some in Europe. Some of those shut down a little bit bedbugs. That's not on us. That's a Europe is cluttered with bedbugs. Is it really? Oh, yeah. You never heard about European hotels having bedbugs.

bedbugs? I mean, I've heard of every hotel having bedbugs. I didn't know that it was centered in Europe. It's rampant in Europe. Okay, I didn't know that. But do coma patients really care about bed bugs? No, but the loved ones do. The ones that are in there. And the employees, honestly, don't love them either. Yeah. So we will shut down the Shibotail if it does have bedbugs in it. Okay, good. That's one of your major promises. Not my number one. No, your number one is no one better have sex. That's right. Absolutely. Some people, think, but it shouldn't even be a rule, apparently, Tyler, but I think it should be a rule. Okay.

I think the best way to have sex is in a coma. Yeah, right? With another coma? Mm-hmm. I think, yeah, two patients having sex with each other? Is that allowed? I think that could be really beautiful. I've never seen it, but I think it would be wonderful.

If there are two comas kind of, when no one's looking, like come alive at night, like Toy Story and have sex with each other? Mm-hmm. And maybe one of them on the bottom of their foot has an... written, you know? That's nice. You know, I can see it. I think the Toy Story parallels could just go on and on. You have got me thinking now that every time we, you know, we turn out the lights, and we do

have curfew, so we do turn out the lights, and we're downstairs, you know, I wonder if they're having sex. We don't know. We don't know what they does. I wonder if the Toy Story, the Toys and Toy Story are having sex. I mean, Bo Peep and Woody have a consensual relationship, and his name is Woody. And her name is Peep. Yeah. Can I put my Woody in your peep? And I'm sure Buzz is around just supporting them.

Yeah. And not infringing in their relationship at all. I think he's just there kind of being a supportive friend. Giving it to infinity and beyond doing them to, taking her to space if she needs is they go, but it's like just more to see it. And maybe a friendly ear to listen to. It'll flip up his helmet and actually listen to her for once. Yeah, but I think that's great. I think this is a great idea, Scott. So yeah, kind of toy story cosplay. Directed by Tyler Perry. Yes, starring Medea. Yeah. Hilar. Are you saying hello or you think it's hilarious?

I was saying hello. You are definitely from where my doctor is from. Where's that? You guys, he says that too. Because I'm from upstate New York. Okay, yeah. You're from upstate New York. I think he's from, yeah, from the dialogue.

I think he's from Schenectady. So this is, I mean, how is, you have multiple. Terry Schiave hotels. Yeah, in most major metropolitan cities. And you'll only shut down the ones that get bad bugs. Why else will we shut one down? Because of lack of business? Yeah.

Oh, no, we've been doing well with them. Yeah. Now we... Bomb threat. We would... You know what? I would shut down for a bomb threat. If you ever have a bomb threat, call me. I'll take care of it.

In what way? Do you know how to diffuse bombs? Yeah, I've done that a time or two. Okay. Before the police, we would. would call, you think would call you. Yeah, call me. I've, I think my experience dealing with emotional time bombs really helps set me up dealing with the real thing. You cut the emotional green wire. Yeah, now it actually just, my hands are steady as a rock. Yeah, interesting. I think that you guys should work together, honestly. Like, have you thought of, uh, I know you're

independently wealthy through your chip business and, uh, what was the other one that you have? Um, Well, you invented, what was it? It's a new type of chocolate. Oh, right. Yeah. Okay. But I think that you guys could work together. Well, we do, we still have, we're working out the kinks and we have some needs for things.

You have so many hotels. Have you not worked out the kinks? Scott, you're a real matchmaker today. I don't know. I see people and I see the connections between them. I mean, wouldn't it be great if Tyler was working for you, Terry, and Rachel was hanging around because they're great friends, you know? I thought there was chemistry. Between you and Terry Shivo over here?

Everyone. Oh, really? I got a wife. Sorry. I'm locked up at home. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't participate in science. It's chemistry. Tell us about your wife.

What do you mean locked a, yeah, what do you mean? Oh, locked down. Like she locked a down is what I mean. Oh, okay. But she's not a coma patient. Not yet. No, she's very much alive. Well, the comas are alive too, I should say.

She's not vegetative in any way. Okay, she's a... We don't mean to imply that, but she's just a... Everything's functioning in that regard. Everything's functioning, yeah. And you have a healthy sexual relationship with her? Very voracious, actually.

And you do all the position, you do the reverse cowgirl, and that... That's how she got pregnant. Oh, so you have children. No. No further questions. And I support making that choice.

Well, Terry... Her name is. Helene, by the way. Okay. You didn't ask. Yeah, I wasn't interested. Well, that makes you think of her more like an object than I was. You were saying...

Wow, that's really interesting. Yeah. So your intention to tell me her name was to humanize her for me? Well, now I know you're... Now you can picture her. Yeah. I'm not picturing her because you haven't described her... What do you think?

...her face, her ass or tities. Well, you know what? I am picturing her and she's beautiful. So she is a, a beautiful woman to you at least? To me, at least. Helene. Helene. Helene. Yeah. Helene.

And where did you meet Helene? France. Uh, okay. When you were, off closing one of your hotels? Well, yeah. We had, obviously we had bedbugs there. Some of the ones in the States do have bedbugs as well, but we'll shut them down, too.

Okay. But Europeans, horrible with bedbugs. So, I did meet her when I was shutting it down. She was an employee of one of the Chavotales. Okay, and there was no conflict of interest there. That wasn't an HR problem because. you were shutting down and she was out of work. Well, I fudged it a little bit because we were shutting down and for the, I said it was bedbugs,

but I just closed the whole hotel so she wouldn't be an employee anymore. I don't like to call them HR problems. I like to call them HR solutions. Opportunities. Yeah. Yeah. This is an opportunity for our HR, head of HR, to do a little work here, you know, like pay their salary to take care of the fact that I'm having sex with one of my employees. Well, she wasn't my employee.

I fired the whole staff and shut it down. So we were good there. Okay. So you've, what was the discussion like with you and Helene? Is Helena? Helene. Heler. What was the, are you saying hello?

I have no idea. Okay. What was the discussion like, hey, by the way, you're fired. Remember that? You're fired. Right? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I do remember. So you're fired. By the way, do you want to have dinner with me tonight? well it wasn't in it wasn't done as inarticulately as that oh i beg your pardon good sir please tell us exactly how you articulated it i said everyone get out of the building right now we have bedbugs so out on the sidewalk i said this uh i put my i gently put my hand on her shoulder and said i i think this this chavot tails not long for this world so already you've you've done some of those cross those boundaries you put her your hand on her

shoulder when you had a sexual interest in her. I had a romantic interest in her that quickly developed into a, yeah, sexual thirst. That had to be quenched. Scott, you've got to get a job in a Renaissance fair. Why? That kind of little English accent you just did, I thought I didn't know where I was for a second. I thought I'm in the Middle Ages.

Yeah. Well, you know, hey, the company Bang Bang Tour is coming to the UK next month. So we'll see you out there. Bad bugs. I know. I'll be on the lookout because of you. So you put your hand on her shoulder and then you say the hotel may not be long for this earth. Would you like to come back to me with me and live in Niagara Falls?

So you haven't fired her at this point? And you're asking her to cohabitate. Well, I wouldn't say we'd live together at first. I say come back with me. We'll figure out the lodging. at some point. And we started dating after that. And then while we were dating, I gave her her notice. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So then this... I never told her she was fired. I gave her a pink slit, you know, essentially. So I never had to say the words and be a bad guy. This sounds like there

were a lot of issues with this. But look, you own the place. So who's going to fire you, right? Yeah. Niagara Falls is exciting place. Honeymoon capital of the world. Just a lot of... That's an interesting bit of trivia. Thank you so much. Exciting relationship. ship energy can develop there. Yeah, fantastic. We haven't gotten to, we haven't gone to the Falls yet. We still need to. You live there, but you haven't gotten there?

I haven't seen, I haven't, I haven't seen them yet, yeah. Where do you live in Niagara Falls? Is the back of your house up against the falls? You just haven't. It is facing south of the falls, yeah. I've heard them. You can, they won't shut up, frankly. But, yeah, we haven't, we spend most of the time at the front yard.

Front yard. And the chival tails. I'm on the road a lot. And when you fly in, the route does not go over the falls. You cannot. I'm sorry, it goes directly over the falls. So if you're trying to look at any either side of the window, you would not. Unless you've got a glass bottom car and they don't make those yet.

I think you're in a plane, though. True enough. That is an event. Maybe that could be one of your new and mentions. Give me some of that wax paper, friend. Let's running this down. Actually, if you want, we could, if you have. had a glass bottom floor in one of our shy hotels, we could spy on the comas to see if they're

having sex with each other when we turn off the lights. Now, that's an idea. This is not a bad idea. Would you ride in a glass bottom car? I would find that too frightening. I think glass bottom boats are already frightening. But if, like, you could see the pavement and how fast you were going underneath you, would you ever get in one? I would live in a glass bottom house. You would? Yeah. So you'd see, like, the, the whimes and everything underneath your house? Everything. I want to throw stones. I have no secrets. You can, you know. I'd love to see the worms.

Yeah. The wham. The worms. The worms. The whams. The whams, as Sluggo says, in the Nancy comics. I'd love to see him crawling around, eating the dirt. Oh, man.

I'd love to see if there's bones underneath my house. You know? Well, there are. You think there are, really? I could smell it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is that why you have me coming from the side?

Well, I have to say Terry Shivo. Not that Terry Shivo. But now I'm owning it and yeah, we're leaning into it hard. What did you do before you were a hotelier, by the way? I was a field baton captain for the girls team at the local high school. Thank you for your service. All right. Well, you know what, guys, we are running out of time here.

We only have time for one final feature on the show. And that is, of course, a little something called plugs. Oh, like, theme, comically big balls, comically big balls, comically big balls, oh wow, that was comically plug ball, Oh, wow, that was comically plugball theme by Parmigiano Reggie Wasio, Wattio. Thanks to them. And if you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. And you can upload your themes over there as well as find anything you need for the remixes for the closing theme.

And what do we plug in here? Rachel, obviously we have the new jackass movie this Friday. Yeah, coming out this Friday. Bring your tissues. Yeah. And some for your face. Yeah. And bring Rachel's parents.

Oh, yeah. My dad and mom, they'll be there, you know. And if they need a ride, they could pick up your face. parents for you if yeah honestly can someone give them a ride specifically my dad i i i need some space for and are you you're out there doing stand-up as well yeah i'm out here i'm gonna be on the road at the end of the year um i all have dates coming up on my website uh which i think is rachel wolfeson comedy i'm gonna have to check that but even if it's not go to the bitcoin girl rachel wolfson buy tickets to her show and i got your parents don't worry yeah thank you tyler

love me yeah please she gets the she gets quick questions about jackass in her interviews? And then my sister, she's a judge, she's a politician. People think that I quit comedy and jackass to become a judge. And I don't correct them. This is great. I love the confusion. Yeah.

So no one really knows who I am. I'm still finding that out. But I have social media, you know, I got, you can follow me there. And that's at Rachel Wolfson. and then I have another name for... It's just a mess. It's just a mess out there. But you know what?

I think if you just enter Rachel Wolfson into... Comedian, not the blockchain. Make sure it says Rachel Wolfson, comedian, not the blockchain. Whatever comes up, I think we'll apply to you. Yeah, just follow whoever that is. Wonderful. Tyler, your girl's new friend. What do you want to plug here?

Oh, I've been listening to the Action Boys podcast. I check them out on Actionboys. dot biz. It's three guys talking about some fun old movies, and it really helps my commute fly by. Because I'm driving from one friend's house to another, and I'm putting on a lot of miles, and boy does it just cruise with the action boys on.

Yeah, because these are long, long episodes, right? They're super long, yeah, and I'm in the car all day long. Yeah. These are like a couple hours long. And this is a podcast where they talk about movies that primarily from a certain era, right? Yeah, 80s or 90s action movies.

Yeah, a lot of Van Damme, Schwarzenegger-Stalone type film. Sure, I saw Hard Target recently. I thought of them. Oh, yeah, great. They probably like that, right? Yeah, and J-CVD has a mullet in that one. Yeah, incredible. And Terry Schiavo, what, Hotteliate, Terry Schiavo, what do you want to plug?

If you want, the season 4th. of Ghosts just finished airing, and you can see the whole season now on Paramount Plus. Okay, yeah. And there's a lot of really funny performers on that, and there's one guy who, what does he play? Is he a Civil War guy, or what is he? There's one guy who plays the British Revolutionary War Soldier Ghost on there, Nigel. Nigel, yeah, and he's extra funny, right? He does stand out, yeah, from the pack, is what I've heard. Yeah, and not just because of the costume, but because of his talent and,

acting ability and way to land a joke. More that, yeah, than the costume. Fantastic. That's what people reference. All right. Well, I want to plug, look, the Comedy Bang Bang Tour. We are out there. We're wrapping up the first part of the tour.

We're going to be in New York tomorrow at Town Hall. And then we're going to Philadelphia and Boston and Fairfield, Connecticut, Portland, Maine. And then next month, we're going to be in London, Glasgow, Manchester, Leeds, Bristol, Dublin. Then we do the West Coast and then we do the Southwest. We've been having a lot of fun on the tour. Hopefully you've been following along with us listening at CBB World. If you're in the Maximus tier, you can hear all of the episodes the day after we record them. And we want to see you out there.

So head over to CBBWorld.com slash tour for ticket links. And while you're over there, become a subscriber. Because, again, we have the entire tour up there as we are doing it. And we have other shows like Scott Hasn't Seen and College Town and The Neighborhood Listen and CBB presents. all of that over there. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Here we go. I want to close the bag, babe.

And I want to kiss me chance ass. I want to make it right with the wriggling. And now you know. All right, that was an indecent proposal by John Kelly. Thank you so much to John Kelly. And speaking of thank you, I want to thank our guests. Rachel, so nice to meet you. So nice to meet you.

And I'm glad you're not hurt and or dead from the movies. Thank you. And we'd love to see you out there in your stand-up. You're a very funny comedian. Thank you. Thank you for being on. And I sincerely hope you never return for your own sake. Oh, thank you.

And Tyler, your girl's new friend. Wonderful to meet you. Oh, thanks for having me on. I love being part. Your pager has been going off incessantly, by the way. It's almost as loud as the wax paper. Yeah, I'm sorry if that's getting picked up by the mics. I don't want to interrupt the show, but yeah, lots going on.

What's happening right now? Just a lot of friend drama. A lot of people are working a lot of stuff out, but I'm glad to be part of this community, too. Okay. I don't know that I would consider you to be a part of this community. I'm really happy to be part of this community. I think you're going to stay in the one-timers club, too, honestly, and that's by my choice. Love being part of the community.

Okay. Can't wait to be back. Terry Schiavo. What are you writing right now? Groceries. Sorry. Groceries. What do you need at the grocery store?

Well, let's see what I just wrote down. Green beans. That's so far as I got. Okay. That was top of mind. Yeah, why are green beans top of mind for you? Are you a green bean guy? Well, it was the number...

I do love green beans. It was the number one thing. Besides don't having sex with a coma patient, the number one thing I was just thinking of was green beans. Okay. So it's number two. Why were you thinking of green beans? Do you enjoy eating them?

Yeah, I think, you know what? Honestly, I was thinking about, during all of our talk, I was thinking about vegetables. You were, in general. Because of, well, you know. No, I don't. Coma patients. The vegetative state of your, your, your, your, I thought because of the shape of carrots and what, you know, they're very phallic and the having sex with the coma patients. Exactly.

Okay. Well, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.