Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - The 17th Anniversary Show! (Lisa Gilroy, Shaun Diston, Paul F. Tompkins, Edi Patterson, Dan Lippert, Will Hines, Isabella Escalante, Anna Bezahler)

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

An all-star lineup of CBB favorites celebrate the show’s 17th anniversary! We have Scott’s grandma Nana Aukerman, legendary mentor Yoda, soft rock empresario Seals, hotelier Bean Dip, sportscaster Bill Walton, private detective Boobs Rinse, as well as sneaker entrepreneurs Austin and Tony! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Who let me bea-bang-bang, comedy bang-bang, comedy bang-bang, comedy bang-bang, comedy bang-bang, comedy-bang-bang. Who let the dogs out? I was experimenting. They all have rabies, and now we're all going to die. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Uncle Beans. Uncle Beans! Finally submitted a catchphrase. Thank you to Uncle Beans for that wonderful catchphrase submission. We're not going to use it forever, but I loved it today.

Thank you to Uncle Beans. And welcome to not only Uncle Beans, but all of you listening to a very special episode of Comedy Bang Bang. 17 years ago, back in the early 21st century in a year, Most listeners probably were not even a glint in the sperm sack of their father's body yet. Back in 2009, a little program called Comedy. Well, back then it was called Comedy Death Rory Radio, but now it is Comedy Bang Bang started and then smash cut to 17 years later. We're doing this episode.

That tells the story, I think, of this entire program, doesn't it? Comedy Bang Bang, the podcast, started 17 years ago this week, and we have a very special episode to celebrate this. We're going to celebrate this entire episode, Gee, and you're going to like it, gee. We have guests of plenty. People are going to be dropping by throughout the show. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm going to be here the entire journey, just guiding you all the way through this.

But 17, that is a very special number. It used to be a magazine, and now it's, an anniversary of a podcast. I don't know how these things work, but we're glad that they are. Let us get to our first guests who are here. We're going to have guest dropping pie all, all episode, I guess, every single minute of this episode. Not every single minute. That would be insane. But a lot of guests are going to be here. Let's get to our first one. She is my, I guess, you know, every once in a while on this program over the past 17 years, I've had blood relatives. And we are blood,

are we not? Oh, the bigger the blood, the better. We have big, big blood between us, right? Big, wet, sloppy blood. She is my, what exactly is our relationship? I'm your Nana, Scott. Yes, meaning you're my grandmother. Which means I love you, Scott. Thank you so much. Happy birthday, Scotty. It's not my birthday. It is the birthday of the show, if that's okay. You can wish you the podcast. Have you ever wished a podcast Happy Birthday? What's a podcast? Boy, Nana, that is the eternal question. Let's get back to talking about blood.

Something I know quite a bucket about. Quite a but, yeah, tell me what you know about blood. Like, let's just get a baseline of what you know. Blood. It's in you to give. It's in you to give. That's the slogan of the donation campaign. You ever heard that? Mm-hmm. Or is it Canadian?

There's no way for you to give it without getting it from inside your body. Is that right? Here's a riddle. The man who buys it doesn't want it. The man who eats it doesn't have it. The man who swallows it never drank it. Blood. Blood. Yeah. Nana, you've been a good friend to the show. You've appeared approximately four times on the show.

But we always love it when you're here. I always come on your birthday, Scott. You do. I wouldn't miss your birthday for the world. Thank you so much, now. Happy birthday, Scott. I always enjoy seeing your weathered, weathered face on these momentous occasions. That's right. It's covered in snow, sleet, rain.

All the things that the post office go ahead and deliver during. Correct. The U.S. Post Office, of course. I don't know if you know anything about that. U.S.PS, which is also how I call my cats. U.S.PS. U.S.P.S. What are their actual names?

No, like, that's a noise you make to make a cat. USPS. Yes. Yes. You're a cat lady. Is that right? I'm a cat, Nana. Mm, okay.

Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, you, you know, we have a great relationship, although I don't believe I ever spoken to you before about five years or so ago. We like to keep our hangouts on air. Exactly, yeah, we have a very, like most of my relationships, I don't get to see many people unless they're on a podcast. Aminative, shallow. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Thank you. What have you been up to since the last time we've seen you?

And honestly, what have you been up to the last 17 years? I mean, 17 years is such a unique and specific amount of time. You must know what you've been doing since 2009. Well, of course, I know, but it's none of your damn business, boy. Well, why don't you tell the listeners then, and I'll put on earmuffs? Oh, okay. Well, for the last. 17 years, I've been pursuing a music career. A music career? I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to be

listening to Scali. But I just can't believe what I accidentally heard. You've been pursuing a music career? I didn't want to bother you and the family about it because you were such a sickly boy that everyone had higher concerns. I didn't want to pull focus. Didn't know if I was going to pull through over the last 17 years. You had chicken idas, didn't you? I mean, something like that. Your bones. were like chicken bones. Yes. That's the problem. They're tinier than

than normal human bones. Your toenails were long like little chicken feet. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Anything that a chicken is like was corresponded to my body, yes. That's exactly right.

Mm-hmm. So what type of music do you, when you say a music career, do you mean in performing? Are you still laying eggs, boy? I guess. I don't think I paused that much during that question,

but are you performing? or are you music management? What area are you? Well, I'm a performer, and I actually wrote something for you, Scooty. Really? Yes, because I know. To celebrate the 17th anniversary? Your 17th birthday.

And I know that now you're 17, you probably don't like the kind of music I normally make, which is opera so beautiful you could cry. Oh, opera. Oh, okay. No, not opera. Opera so beautiful you could cry. Opera so beautiful, you could cry. Okay.

That's the kind I was dabbling in. Okay. Well, could I hear this song that you've written for me? Oh, this new one is a new genre, or gonra, depending on how you pronounce it. Genre probably, but yeah, go ahead. I'm not French. I hate the French. Really?

Why do you hate the French? They killed my mother. The country of France as a whole? The French people. The French people, all banded together to kill your mother? Yes, in the Revolution of Sacre Blue. Oh. Anyways, that's for another time, boy.

Okay. Something I remember about your diagnosis as if a chickenitis is that you can't handle too much information or you'll fall asleep. That's right. I have TMI chickenitis. That's right. So I'm nodding off right now. Can you start this song?

I actually wrote it for you in the car ride over. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm excited to hear this. I wanted to make it like something for a 17-year-old chickeny boy. Okay. So I know you like some sorts of. Cool music. Sure.

When you say cool music, what do you... Just listen. Okay. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're remix. Boom, bach, wow.

Do, pach, ow, boom, pach, um, um, um, boom, boom, poca, down, do, cha. Hello, it is your birthday. your little squirth day. You are a fan of Colin Firth day. Let's go and raise a roof day. And tell the truth day. It is your motherfucking boof day. Come on and shout a hoi day.

Because doi-h. Hey, it is my rotten little boys day. Oh, Scootie Scoot, yes, I love you. I've never told you. But I've been longing now to hold you. For many years with many fears now. I've cried my tears now. I'm going to hell that night.

All I could see was my mama's eyes. No one knows my struggle. They only see the trouble. Not knowing it's hard to carry on when no one loves you. Picture me inside the misery and poverty. No man alive has ever witnessed struggles I survived. Praying hard for better days, promise to hold on. Oh, I've gotten away from myself.

Wow, that was incredible. Thank you. It seemed to segue into all about your struggles as an elderly white woman towards the back half. Yes, that's a song that I wrote with Tupac. And you say you wrote the majority of it on the way over in the car? Were you driving while you wrote it? Unfortunately, yes, but I tried to do it at the red lights. And if you'll see in my phone note here, I really only wrote down the words that rhyme.

So if you were to see the lyrics, it would just look like birth, squirt, Colin Firth. Amazing that you're able to extrapolate. Yes, I just kind of color the sentences just free bird style. That was incredible. And to hear that you have never said that you loved me and want to tell me that and want to hold me, that's... Don't remind me. I can only say it in song, otherwise. It makes me squahimish.

Okay, okay. Well, I will allow you to hold me if you want to start around now. I think it's high time that our relationship progressed to the next level. Oh, you really want to get your squeezes in with me while I'm... Before I'm gone. Before you're gone, yeah. I would hate to look back on the missed opportunities of squeezing. you. Yeah. Well, I'm the only one that really has all the memories of you now, all 17 years of your life.

Yes. I remember them all. Yeah. I was almost 40 when I started this show. But yes, go ahead. No. That can't be true. Because why are your legs still little boy-sized? I mean, look, that's just a product, a byproduct of my unfortunate medical situation. But, no, I have been alive for a little bit of time before that. But it's, you know, we reconnected. And now, I'm here. for the squeezes. So open up those loving arms and let's get going. Okay. No. Ew. Ew. Ew. Gross. Why are you slimy? Feels like a chicken smells like a chicken boy. You smell like a fireplace after it hasn't been cleaned for 80 years. That's enough. I smoke cigarettes. That's why. Yes. And if you were cool, you'd smoke too. I noticed you're wearing a leather jacket. And on the back it says if you were cool, you'd smoke too. And then under that it says,

if you can read this, the bitch fell off. I don't have a motorcycle yet, but I'm saving up. Yeah, I can read it. I guess the bitch did fall off. Yes. Well, um... It's because I used to give my neighbor Helen a little piggyback ride to the grocery store. Oh, I see.

Okay. So people around the cul-de-sac know what it means. I understand. Well, Nana, I, it means the world to me that you are spending this very important anniversary with us. Happy Booth Day, Scott. 17. What an odd number. Is it a prime number? I think it might be, actually. That's the chickenitis kicking in. Oh, oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm falling asleep again. We got to get to our next guest. Can you stick around for a little bit, Nana?

Of course, I'd love to. Happy a birthday, Scott. Thank you so much. Well, we do need to get to our next guest. Let me turn my head slightly to look at who's here and, oh, what's that music? Young Scott, it is I, your close friend Yoda. Scott. Oh my gosh, Yoda. Have we ever spoken before? I think we might have spoken once. Maybe about a year ago or no? I probably stopped by once. Okay. Scott, may the fourth be with you, Scott. This is May 4th when this episode is coming out. It is. And also, Scott, happy 17th birthday, Scott. Thank you. I mean, if in order of importance, I would say happy 17th birthday and then may the fourth be with you. Young Scott. Yes. Absolutely young. New biol.

young baby boy Scott. Again, I was 40 when this show started 17 years ago. I don't believe that at all. I mean, look at your face, wrinkler, Scott. Yeah. That's fair. You smell like a wet diaper, Scott. Okay, I think that's Nana

actually. Oh, is that Nana? Hello! Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. We can lose the music, Scott. Okay. I'm going to do a tasteful fade out. Do you mind? Tasteful it was, Scott. Yes. tasteful it was now scott oh that's right yoda you speak backwards

backwards i speak sometimes when remember it yoda does if you remember in the movies it really is it every sentence he said no in fact an empire strikes back he almost never does it yeah but then the more we grew to love yota the more he just had it was like my thing i guess this is coulda love me you did yeah uh have you met my nana over here hello i'm well familiar with the way you speak because I love Geo Party.

What the hell is that? What is... Did you mean to say the GOP party? Geo Party. Oh, okay. What's Geo Party? It's a game show in which you answer as a question. Oh, that's interesting.

I don't think I'm necessarily turning my sentences into questions. What is Yoda? No, that's more Jeopardy. Yes, Geo Party. Oh, Geo Party. I understand. I thought that was a Canadian thing. I would say something like,

hmm, I would say, Yoda? What is? You would say something like, if you were going the other way, it would be like, this Tom Hanks movie was all about a grumpy neighbor.

All about a grumpy old neighbor? This Tom Hanks movie was. Yeah, and then you'd say, what is a man called Otto? Do you watch Departy, Scott? I have, on occasion, sure. I mean, I'm not constantly. Do you sit there and answer the questions,

but you don't put them in the form of a question so clearly a cheating? but you feel like you're actually doing really well? No, I try to do it within the form of the question. I don't believe you, Scott. Cool up, always texting me like, Scott's such a fucking smart ass sitting here answering the questions. And also when he watches, he pauses it and goes, hold on, I know it, I know it. It's like, you can't pause it.

You can pause it during Final Jeopardy. Okay, but they have like, what, 30 seconds with the song plays? Yeah, exactly. And you're going to pause it? Just let the song play. I know. If they have to listen to the song, so should you as well. Yeah, I guess it could distract one.

Anyway, what are you doing here, Yoda? Think you're better than the song you are, Scott? Yoda, what are you doing here? Scott, there's been a disturbance in the force. No. It's true, Scott. Tell me, what's going on in the force? I don't really been keeping up with the force. You haven't been keeping up with the force, Scott?

No. You know, Michael Jackson once said the force don't stop. Keep on. Why did he say that? I don't know. What the hell was he talking about? I think he was talking about the literal force because Star Wars was out by then. Interesting.

Did he want to be in Star Wars like he wanted to be Peter Pan? I mean, he made Captain EO, so does that answer your question? I think it does answer my answer a question. I heard of Antineo, Nana. I've heard that Michael Jackson's ashes are rolling around in BB8. Really? That was his final wish. Is that why you hear sort of like a shik shish-shk shimon, shambon.

Exactly. Bebo, beep-bo, boom, shaman. Scott, there's been a disturbance in the force. Of course. Disney is reeling right now, Scott. Why would Disney be reeling? They're a very popular company. They've had to dump their soror deal, Scott.

Oh, yes. I heard about this about a month ago. Yes, generative AI. Of course, they had to dump that. But the real thing they're struggling with Scott is the Bachelorette, Scott. Oh, that's about a month ago. The Bachelorette was canceled. Yes.

Taylor Frankie Paul, Scott. Yes. Through a chair. Is that, by the way, when you say that, is that a Yodaism? You're saying it backwards? Yes, I'm actually reading her name like I would read it in a phone book. But you're hearing it. normal. But her name is Taylor Frankie

Paul Scott. Yeah, she's got three first names of men. Taylor, Frankie Paul Scott. Oh. Yes, of course she was pulled from the air her entire season of the Bachelorette pulled, Scott. Yes, this was entertainment news from last March. It's true, Scott. But Disney

is still reeling, Scott, but they figured it out, Scott. Of course, they were going to lose billions of dollars on the Bachelorette franchise. I don't think that's true, but go ahead. Billions and billions of dollars of ad ad revenue with marketing. marketing and merchandising. Sure.

Do they have merch? They have little toys. Taylor Frankie Paul toy. Every rose at the supermarket is Bachelorette merch. I had no idea. You didn't know that, Scott. They were licensed. Even the ones they sell off by the highway.

Even those ones. Those are counted. But they, you know, they still count. Scott, I will be replacing Taylor Frankie Paul as the next bachelorette, Scott. Really? You know, Yota, I always assumed that you were a gendered. as male, but I guess why, you know, aliens maybe don't even have gender. Assuming makes ass out of you and me it does.

Reading this, the bitch fell off, she did. No, Scott, I, of course, transcend gender, Scott. Do you, okay, I, you know, honestly, I had wondered every time that I watched the Star Wars movies, you know you're in Star Wars movies. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, those Star Wars movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd been wondering. Which ones have I, let's see, uh, I'm here definitely in...

The second one. The second one, third one. Probably all the prequels. All the prequels. And then you're out, I believe. I'm in The Last Jedi. Okay, you're a Force Ghost in it. I show up as a Force Ghost in the Last Jedi.

Love that. It was two days on set. Really fun stuff. Great guys. Love improvving with everyone. Love chopping it up with the DPs and stuff. What other movies have you been in? Ghost.

You were in Ghost. I was in Ghost. They cut some of the parts, but anytime something goes floating, I was using the Was it all the famous ghosts? appeared in ghost? I was in there. Yeah. You know, who else? Casper was there. Oh.

It was another famous ghost, Scott. Ghost face killer was there. Okay. Ghostface was there. Wow. He was dropping some bars, of course. Of course. It's in the special edition, Scott. So now you're willing to date 35, 45, 45, 45, year old women? Your old women?

Absolutely not. Scott. Who's 65 plus 30? Absolutely not, Scott. the people I'm dating a range between 20 and like 26. Okay, but you're hundreds, if not thousands of years old. This isn't an episode of age of, what is that Netflix show? Age of Consent. Age of Attraction.

Age of Attraction. A very different show, age of consent. You seem to be obsessed with age of consent. You say it all the time. No, no, no, no, no. You keep muttering under your breath. How can I get in there? How can I get in there?

What's the age of consent? Scott, I'm willing to date. First of all, I famously have been single for a really long time, Scott. That's right. I watched these Star Wars movies and you'd think you would, there would be like one scene where you arrive at a premiere or something with like a female Yoda. With Yaddle on my arm and I'm just taking pictures and I'm like, this is, this is, check it out. And I'm like, turn around, let him see your butt, that kind of thing.

But no, Scott. No. Yaddle did not fuck with me. Really? Okay. So you, you, are you single by choice? I'm an in-sell, Scott. Oh.

In sale I am, Scott. I understand. Involuntarily. Never fucked, Scott. You've never had sex? You're a virgin? I. A virgin I am.

Do you have genitals? Can you fuck? Scott. I'm sorry. Is this kind of show, Scott, where you ask about people's genitals? No, you're right. Did you ask your Nana about her genitals? I mean, I can, Nana.

Do you have genitals? You wouldn't dare. Can you milk me? I do have generals, Scott. You do. And they're there, they're, they're, approximate size and shape of a human.

I've got a vagina. Her nickname is Genital Aniston. Does she have the Rachel cut? She does. Those dilabial lips? That's really interesting. I have a dick. It's named Brad Dick.

What's yours, Scott, called? See, I'm talking like Yoda. What's yours Scott called? So you are... You can't answer because he doesn't have any. He doesn't want to talk about it. You have the parts, is what I'm trying to ascertain. I have shot the entire season, Scott.

You shot the entire season. It's in the bank. Of course, we took the last month to shoot this thing. Okay. And Scott, I'm here to tell you, a little preview. I'm engaged, Scott. Wow, you got engaged. I talked to Neil Lane.

I got the ring. That guy's plastic surgery is so subtle, isn't it? It's really interesting because he was missing for a couple seasons. And then I was like, where's Neil's Lane? Neil Lane. Then he comes back and he looks like, let's see, he looks like, like, uh, you know in those movies when they're trying to strangle someone so they put saran wrap over their face? It looks like that I start to pop out just a little bit.

Yeah, Neil, Neil Lane looks really fucked up, but he hooked me up with a great ring, Scott. Okay, well, congratulations. So the show works. You have to trust the process, Scott. Are you, who are you, do you mind dropping a hit? It's not Darth Vader, is it? Absolutely not. Hudson.

Darth Vader was the first, in the first batch of people to go home. Okay, good. He came and, of course, he got out of the car, and he walked over to me, and he did a little force choke. And I was like, what the hell? He was like, oh, did you like that? And I was like, this is like inappropriate. Yeah, you got to have boundaries.

I didn't think it was cute. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, they intentionally cast this show with, you know, people like that. There's a couple of freaks that come out in the first couple minutes. Exactly, yeah. So you got rid of Darth Vader. Got rid of Darth Vader. Aporencissus came out.

But I was like, this guy's way too hairy for me. Yeah, well, who's the guy, uh, uh, Duku? He's, where his name sounds like Duky? Count Duku was not there. Okay. Famously killed Yaddle, so I don't fuck with him. Okay, right. Who's the robot who has like four arms and shit like that?

Oh, that's, um, that's, uh, general grievous, Scott. Revis, yes. And he collects lightsaber, Scott. So I, I, I wasn't there. He wasn't there. But he did come to visit to give me some advice. One of those days. He was like, hey, I want to talk to you about just open yourself up to these

people. And did you go to like a football field where they tossed the ball around? We went to a football field and I was like, today's challenge. And they're like, challenge. What are we talking about? I'm like, I need you guys to tackle each other as hard as possible. It's going to be really weird. Someone's going to get injured. And somehow it's going to make me fall in love. Did you have them try stand up comedy? Oh yeah. We had them try stand up. I said, this is going to be the crowd work exercise where you don't have anything planned, but I want you to get up there. It was very cringe, very inappropriate. And then one of the bachelors just made jokes about the person he who was one of his competition.

And then another one went up there and just like put his legs up on the wall and started twirking and said, is this funny? Is this funny? And then of course the girl who cried because she had too much stage fright ended up winning the rose. And of course, even though she was the least. I felt so bad. I felt so bad for how I was like, hey, let me talk to you. You know what?

You're going to get the rose. And I gave her the rose. And of course she decided to go home because she said, I don't want to date a little guy. Oh, no. Did your size factor into the decision-making process? Well, a lot of people were uncomfortable carrying me around like a little. little teddy bear, Scott. Oh, yeah.

But embarrassed I was. Grogu's style. Grogu style. I didn't like that. Yeah. Did you ever get in a backpack or anything like that? I got in a couple backpacks, and I was showing people how to jump over rocks and stuff like that.

And it was cute for a bit. We got on an ATV, of course, and I was hanging on for dear life while a woman wrote an ATV through the mud. If you can read this, the Sith fell off. Did you use any of your zapped powers to like, you know, take their bras off or anything? Scott! What's wrong with you? You have zapped powers, don't you?

Trying to cancel me, you are. Taylor, Frankie, I had to go in on my best behavior, Scott. No, of course, yeah. Is there anything in your past in these Star Wars movies that they can go like, oh, look, he had a lightsaber battle with this person, so. Well, Scott, I famously hid the fact that the Jedi Council had lost their connection to the force and the prequel. One of my biggest shame. I don't remember any of this. It's famously the reason I went into exile I did.

So stupid. Tell us about the boom boom room. Yeah, tell us about the boom boom room. Well, of course, fantasy sweets was very fun. Yeah. I went up to one of the eligible bachelorets. Of course, there were men and women there. Mm-good.

And I said, hey, it's gotten really weird now on the show because obviously there's been a lot of weird sex stuff on this. But we're not going to drink today. I'm going to slide over a key to you. And I'm going to say, hey, want to meet me upstairs for the fantasy suite? And when we get up there, I will be tweaking your nipples with the force. And they all said yes. They all said you good. Okay.

And I did have to say to the second one, I was like, hey, just so you know, I did tweak the nipples of the first girl who I went into the. fantasy tweets with. I just want to be open and honest with you. Trust the process you should. And of course, she was absolutely cool with it. I went up there. I tweaked her dipples with the force. It was great. So this is male and female people. Oh, yeah, yeah. Great. And how much of the sex are you kind of, um, delegating to the force? Uh, pretty much all of it. Because you have a tiny Yoda penis, I would imagine. Okay, Scott. Scott, come on. But you can, but I, I bet you can make the force like in there just like pump away. I can absolutely make the force pump away. I can absolutely make the force pump away Scott.

And of course, when I shoot my mid of chlorians all over their chest, it's fun for them, but yeah. It's fun for them, yeah. I do use the force. I do use the force to sort of like create a force field around my tiny little

dick so it feels like it's a little bit bigger. Yeah, so instead of one inch, it's maybe one and a half. It's like three. Hey, I'm strong with the force, Scott. Oh, okay. So I mean to suggest otherwise. Three inches is big, right?

I mean, for Yoda's. No, no, three inches is big, is it not? Three inches is huge compared to what Scootie's got. I mean, come on, Nana. Thank God. You did used to change me about 17 years ago. I changed you many years in a row and things never matured. That happens.

Scott. Especially when you first get to know me when I'm in my 40s. Scott, the new thing that we're doing on the franchise is, of course, I'm supposed to recruit my replacement, Scott. Oh, okay. And I was wondering, do you want to? want to be the next bachelor, Scott. Oh, my God. The first podcasting bachelor.

The first podcasting bachelor. This would be huge for the French fries. It would be huge for the French for the French. For the French fries. The huge it will be, Scott. What do you think? I mean, I never dreamed that I would even be thought of as someone who could hold this up. But of course, I'm very honored.

Scott, yes. You will find love. You must trust the process, Scott. Now, does it matter that I'm happily. married and no it does absolutely not most of the people going on there have secret relationships okay good good good yeah scott are there any videos of you wearing like a hitler uniform at like a birthday party or not at a birthday party is that the bad part of that i think you're clear as long as it's at a birthday party scott i think you should be totally

fine we're jumping in a little fast because he's never been a contestant so scutie if you were a contestant and you came out of the limousine what would you say to the lady that's a great question That's right, yes. So I would try to figure out something about Yoda. So I would go back into the movies and kind of go, okay, let's see. What do I think about? I hate these things. I call them stupid.

I like the first three. Sure, sure. And I would think, okay, so Yoda, what do we know about him? He obviously lied about the Jedi Council. Of course, losing connection to the force and the prequels. Obviously, huge part. The big part that we know. Oh, Order 80.

No? No, 9, 60, 70. Order 66, Scott. 66. Get your kicks on order 66. So maybe there's something there like, hey, is your name Root 66? Because I'm about to order 66. I've got a better one. Something, something 66, why not 69? Okay. I don't know if I would like you bringing up the order that killed all the Jedi. Hey, quite possibly one of the worst moments of my entire-

66, add three to that and maybe we have something going on. Yeah, but you have to do, you have to say what it equals. Like 69 I do, would probably laugh, give high five I would. Sure, but then maybe turn away and there'd be a tier rolling down your team. Like the commercial with the native person where they're throwing trash on the ground. Sure, of course, yes. Yeah, that might work, Scott. That might work.

And now, if you were the bachelor yourself, Scott, what would you do in your opening package? Would you be showing like you doing a fun part? with like Adam Scott or... Yeah, usually, I mean, it's people running down the beach. Oh, yeah, he'd have to be running and working out. Yeah. Looking out a window, of course. I would probably, they would probably film me working out for the first time

and me getting very out of breath. Be careful, Scott. You know the doctor advised you don't run on the beach. Yes. He's got chickenitis, so the bones are so fragile, they'll dig into the sand and snap clean off. That's right. My legs will just... Chickenitis you have.

I have chickenitis. Is that going to be a problem with the Bachelorette? Not good that is... Maybe your intro could be, I'm Scott Harkerman. I've got chickenitis, but I'm still the cock of the walk. Hey, this is not bad. You're always spitting, Anna. Spitting hot bars over there.

Wow. So do I have a shot? Scott, a shot you might have, but honestly, I think you might do better on the beach, Scott. Bachelor in Paradise. Oh, okay. Where it gets all sloppy, you eat a bunch of nachos, drink, and then sexually harass people at the beach. Yeah, okay, yeah, I can do that. You can do that, Scott.

If I could eat nachos, yeah. I need to ask you a question, Scott. Trust the process you do. I suppose I trust the process. Nana, should I trust the process? If you're going to go on the beach, boy, you better wear snow shoes. Okay, can I bring my snow shoes? I'll allow it, Scott.

Allow it, I will, Scott. Oh, yeah, wow. I mean, sounds like we have a deal. Sorry, I misspoke for a second. I meant to say, allow it, I will, Scott. Thank you very much, yes. Okay, well, I'm in. This is going to be great for your whole social media presence,

Oh, I'm not thinking about that. Wink, wink, wink. All the advertising you'll be doing for, like, you know, weird deodorant. Yeah, probiotics. This is mud deodorant. Monkey deodorant? Mud deodorant. Did you realize that actually the fact that you're wearing actual deodorant is fucking making you smell like shit?

Wear mud under your arms, you should, Scott. Well, I think we have a deal. I mean, and you, congratulations to you. Thank you, Scott. It sounds like you're in a great relationship. Is there some sort of like force wedding that's going to happen or? Force wedding, Scott, don't be stupid. Are you a fucking idiot?

I apologize. I don't know these things. We're doing a mid-chlorian ceremony, of course, Scott. Yes. Is this going to be in the Mandalorian and Grogu movie that's coming out here? Big wedding scene by like 30 minutes in. Everyone's invited, you know. Wow.

It'll be great. Darth Mall will be there. Mall will be there. It's true, Scott. Wearing his bug legs or whatever happened in the Clone Wars. He will be wearing his bug legs, Scott. One of the craziest things to happen. Nana, you get it.

I understand it all. Can Nana come? Can she be my plus one? Please let me come. I'm dying to see a Sith Lord with bug legs. Nana, if you're trying to come, I don't think I can do that for you anymore. I'm engaged. Come on now.

Come on now. Hey, oh. Or should I say, O-e? O-A. Oh, eh. Well, Yon. congratulations to you and I look forward to seeing you on the beach. I'm sure you're going to come by.

You thank. I don't know. Oh, welcome your, I think. Welcome your, whatever. Yeah, yeah. But, and Nana. You thank Scott. Sure.

You thank Scott. And may the fourth be with you, Scott. May the fourth be with us all. And may the 17th anniversary be with everyone. Happy birthday, Scott. Thank you so much, Nana. We're going to take a... To you, happy.

birthday. Uh-huh. Do you want to start your music back up again, by the way? Why don't you start it up while I sing happy birthday? All right, here we go. Do you happy birthday? To you happy birthday. To you happy birthday, Scott.

To you happy birthday. Ah, how are you now? How old? We can slow with that. All right, we're going to take a break. We have so many guests coming through here. We're going to take a little bit of break. Just a little bit of break.

Break off a little break. Break off a little bit of break. This is the 17th anniversary episode of Comedy Bang Bang. We're going to be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang! Bang, 17th anniversary episode. Wow, what an incredible anniversary. It's already been with Nana and Yoda.

Nana had to leave, but Yoda you're still here? Or still here you are? Still here? I am. Scott. Yes, of course. Back we are, Scott. Like we never left, Scott. Thinking I'm back, I am. I'm thinking I'm back.

Okay, just doing away with it. Sometimes, listen, if I do it all the time, I'm going to sound like an idiot, Scott. Yeah, I understand, Yoda. Don't want to sound dumb, I do. Of course not. So, so gratifying to have you here, Yoda. Gratifying. Yes.

I've never heard it describe that way, Scott. It's gratifying. It is gratifying to have me. It is gratifying to me to have you here, yes. Scott, touched I am. Well, that is me poking you. Okay. To get you to shut up. Stop, stop. Stop. All right. Don't like this. I do. All right. Well, let me get to our next guest. This is incredible. He's entering the first timers club on comedy bang bang. He is a major musician who has, I would imagine, must have at least one number one single, top 10. albums, I'm guessing. I really don't know. But please welcome to the show for the first time, Seals. Hey, thanks, Scott. Hey, great to see you. By the way, I want to clarify, I did not say Seal, right, aka Kiss from a Rose. The acne scar guy. I mean, he would love to be known as the musician,

but. Yeah, that's right. He does sing too, yeah. Wait, you think that when Seal first came on the scene, people just, like, stared at his acne scars. I mean, that's what I did. No, he was singing the entire time. I was like, why is this guy famous? We can't all be... He got to meet Batman. He did get to meet Batman. But look, the Joker got to meet Batman.

He had scars. So maybe Batman just has a thing for guys with scars. Yeah. Do you think Seal ever said, do you want to know how I got these scars? He was this little guy. Yoda is over here. Yota, he is.

Hey, man, I don't know people say this to you a lot, but you kind of smell like a figure. tank? It's true. I got that rotten little fishy smell. Are you from a swamp? Ah, you're the swamps of Daigelba, of course. Yeah, yeah. Where are you from, Seals? You're from Florida, probably, if I had to guess, or? Because of the soft rock. Yeah. No, I get that. Yeah. If I had to say where I was from, I probably say that, you know, I'm from Sydney, Texas. Oh, that makes sense. Okay. And of course I developed the soft rock accent.

Yes. Yes. Now you were in a man. Right now? Yes. I live in Nashville, Tennessee. Okay. And I'm 79 years old.

You're saying all of this as if it's a surprise to you. No, it should be a surprise to you. It is a surprise to me. I knew neither of those facts. Like, did you even know my spouse's name is Ruby Jean Anderson? We got married in 1970? I had no clue. We have three children.

And my brother's England, Dan, of England Dan and John Ford Coley. Now that I did know. That's a very unique bit of yacht rock trivia. Do you know my cousin's names? I don't. Brady and Troy? This guy really is Seals. You pass the test, Seals.

Now Seals, we... Summer Bree! Makes me feel fine. That is one of your most famous songs. When I say your most famous songs, I mean, you own half of it, I guess. Yeah, I guess now I own all of it. Yeah, because you were in a group. called seals and crofts that's right and crofts unfortunately he crofted we don't mean to laugh

at the he crofts of course when you say crofted he passed away recently well i said crofted oh you said crofted yeah why it's the past tense of crofts that means he's no longer with us he is no he is no longer with it you guys had a a great part partnership that lasted many decades. Man, we really did. Yeah, you sang Summer Breeze, other songs. Diamond Girl. Hmm.

You remember that song? Not really. You don't remember Diamond Girl? I mean, I'm presuming it's about a girl who either looks like a diamond or likes Diamond so much. It's about that lady from the X-Men. Emma Frost. Is that who it was?

Yes. She had diamond hard skin. Diamond hard skin, but then she would lose her telepathy. Oh, no. She had to pick one or the other. I didn't know that about her. Yeah. Well, I didn't know this about your wife's name.

Yeah. And you know the song, Get Closer. I don't really. Can you sing? Darling, if you want to be closer to you. I'm sorry, you don't have to dismiss me. Let him go. I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'll let you cook. Here you go. Closer to you. I'm done. Okay, great. Is that how long your concerts would be? You would just sing half the chorus and say, I'm done? sometimes yeah

look you're older gentlemen we're older gentlemen now I'm the only older gentleman I'm so sorry my my my sympathies are with you Crofts crofted is no longer it's no longer with us and so I one has to ask what are your plans

now in music do you think that you're going to find another partnership I've been looking for people with the name Crofts that's going to be a tough one I've only heard of one in my, well, Lara Croft, but that's just Croft. Yeah. And then there's Sid and Marty Croft, but they spell it with a K.

And also, they're even older. I can't rely on those guys. If Lara. Because they would count two Croft. Two Crofts makes a Croft. Yes. So maybe you could do that. You could find Lara Croft and another croft.

Famous Crofts. I'm going to look this up. If I get two fake people, is there a real Lara Croft? Is she based on an actual historical person? I don't think so, but... Dang! Oh, we have a former British tennis player Annabelle Croft, actor Sebastian Croft, and a mystery author Freeman Willis Crofts.

So... What? That's right. A guy with the name already, Crofts? That's right. A mystery author. So no one knows who he is. I have some bad news for you.

What? Born 1879. Oh, is he crofted? He crofted back in 1957. He, by the way, was a railway engineer by training, and he introduced railway themes into many of his stories. Yeah. Maybe you could have incorporated that into your music. Yeah, like, railroad girl.

Is that a girl who travels by train a lot? No, she's made of railroads. She's made of railroads. Wow. I'm so sorry that Freeman and Willis Crofts is no longer with us, but the hunt continues. Oh, a dash crofts. Oh, no, that's your Crofts from Seals and Crofts. That's a low blow, man.

Tough stuff, Scott. That was not cool. Insensitive, that was. I should have known when I saw the... That was not cool. You can't imagine how excited I got. There's another Croft, and he's a Dash Croft? Stood up, he did.

Ready to rent out, he was. Oh, I'm so, so sorry. Hey, man, why don't you talk that way? Long story, it is. That is about the extent of the Crofts out there. Do you think somebody would legally change your name to Crofts? Well, what if you changed your name to Crofts and then you got Seal? Just one seal?

You don't understand. We're double plural team. It's not seal and croft. It's seals and crofts. Maybe he could get a seal from the zoo until it was two seals. Come on a croft. A zoo animal. Scott think this is a joke.

I'm sorry. You think a he's a steel and a seal. Get closer. It's going to sound good. You don't even know what seal's voice sounds like. Probably like a guy is like my acne star. Don't look at me I'm sorry

I don't have any solutions for this But someone might be able to will You know Who's your favorite singer That you wish could change their name to Crofts Hmm That's a great question Is it really?

No I mean it's a good question It's good You have to admit that Of all the singers in the world Yeah Not history Because wrong with somebody alive

Yeah you want someone Who's currently alive And currently willing To go down to the DMV And change their name I can't stop thinking about that mystery author could sing. I bet he could. Do you think so?

I wonder if he's related to your old partner, Dash. He never said he had mystery in his blood. Yeah, so maybe not. What a name, Dash, by the way. I know, he's pretty cool dude. Yeah. Did he get that, was that a nickname from, did he ever run the 440?

No, his mother was Mrs. Dash. Really? You don't say? The seasoning lady? Yeah. Okay. I'm learning. So when she changed your name to Crofts, they named him.

It's going to keep it in the family. Got it. This makes sense now. Dash Crofts. Yes. Okay. I'm learning so much about your musical group that I never cared to know before. It's incredible.

Why did you never care to know it? Well, because I'd heard, I mean, I'd certainly heard your songs, but it had never inspired me to say like, oh, I want to learn more about these guys, you know? Why? Why are you saying this to me? Because the music was good enough for me. Okay. a pretty good spit at the end.

The music was the period at the end of a sentence. The way you phrased the other parts, like, I didn't care to know any more about them. It makes me feel bad. I'm really sorry. And this is your first time on the show. You weren't even curious that we were double plural team? I think that was heavily implied in the name, Seals and Crofts.

Yeah, but that doesn't intrigue you. Like, I got to know more about these guys. I'm, okay, tell me more. Like, why do? Every show. Mm-hmm. we would feature on this stage behind us. I would have multiple seals behind me and cross out of multiple crofts.

So wait, so you were you were scoffing at me for suggesting that seal bring a zoo animal seal. But you had a bunch of seals behind you? Did I say zoo animal seals? I don't think I did. So these are seals from the ocean? Do you know that the word seal has more than one meaning? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I had some of those. So, so, man, I don't know why you're attacking me. I'm not attacking you, you're attacking me. You know, I'm not, I never talking about soft rock. I mean, I mean, I think I'm Alice Cooper. I think, I think soft rock, there's a lot of passive aggressiveness. Yeah, that's the soft part. It's like soft power. Yeah. Look, I, soft quitting. I apologize.

So you would have Easter seals behind you. I accept your apology. And Crofts had crofts behind him? He had so many crofts behind him. What are crofts? Oh, how do I describe this? How to describe they are? It was a real 70s thing.

Everybody's crazy for cross. Okay. You're going to have to be more specific than that. Okay, okay, okay, I hear you. All right. Okay, so in the 70s, sure. Cross were all over the place.

Okay. Everybody loved it. Everybody loved it. This has been established. Sweet finishing. Like if you walked into a coffee house, a bar, if you were smoking grass with someone, it would be weird if there weren't crofts around. Okay, got it. I still know.

Can walk 10 feet without running into a craft. You couldn't swing a dead seal without hitting a croft. I'm still no closer to knowing what a croft is. Okay. You got to give me time. I've given you a lot of rope. Speaking of rope. if you made a net

to catch crofts you'd be eating good if you ate crofts of course And is that possible They're edible? I wouldn't But it's been done Could get crofts poisoning

Crofts poisoning you could get Risky it is So So because cross We're so popular He'd have a bunch of crossby Okay got it So I mean it's not unique

To your band because almost any group that you would see there would be crofts there. No. No. We were out of respect. Because after the Yara community was built on respect. People respect each other. Yes, there was a lot of past for questions. Absolutely.

And no, nobody liked Donald Fagan. But the important thing was, if your name was Crofts, no way was anybody else going to have cross on their stage. So if your name was Crofts, no one would have crofts on their stage? Out of respect, because they respect you. Okay. So there were a lot of people named Crofts back then? Why don't you just get one of those?

No. What are you talking about? What are you talking about, croft? I'm sorry, seals. I'm seals. How did you get your name Seals, by the way? I was raised by Seals. Easter Seals?

No, Zoo Animal Seals. Okay, so look. I grew up in the zoo. All right. All right, Seals. I grew up at the zoo. That's all I got into music. All right, Seals.

Hmm, sir. My first instrument was the horn. Okay. Seals, I don't know how to solve your problems. Oh, you don't. Let me put it out to your listeners. Okay. If your name is Crofts, if you and someone you love, you're both named Croft.

Okay. By marriage or by blood. By marriage or by blood, whatever it takes. Get in touch with me. Sure. My name is Seals. I have to have a Crofts. And you live where now?

you live in Nashville. I live in Nashville, Tennessee. And your wife's name is what now? Come on, man. I can't believe you don't remember this. I'm sorry that I don't remember. Obviously, you do. I feel like in one year after the other one.

I tell you that my wife's name is Ruby Jean Anderson. We were married since 1970. That's an amazing record in Cri and Cidt's High and Coy, it's a yacht rock. That is prior to your fame as Seals and Crofts as well, I would imagine. Just prior. Yeah. Were there crofts at your wedding?

There were so many cross there. Of all kinds. Beautiful. Not just, not just, close one. Not just the extended cross family, but all the traditional cross as well. Sure. What about the extended cross family? Maybe one of them is still a little kicking around.

Did Crofts have any children? He was the last one. The last of his lineage. Yeah, there were no more cross after him, man. Oh, no. Idea I have. Yoda. What idea?

Idea you have? Idea I have. What if you just paired up with Christopher Cross? And you went by Seals and Cross. Can I tell you something? Man, now I know you're a little guy. Little guy, I am. But I'd love to kick the shit out of you.

Oh, my God. If I had so many people suggested that to me. And what's worse, they suggested it to Christopher Cross. And he won't get off my fucking honest about it. Sensitive subject, that bro. group. This sounds like the solution to your... He wants to do it. Half of Seals and Crofts and all of Christopher Cross

has like a supergroup to you? Yeah, honestly. Come on, man. Be realistic. It sounds like I would go see it. Definitely. You want to hear him singing, Summer Breeze. Make me sure. And you can sing one of his song. What would that sound like? What? One of his dumb song?

The Arthur theme. Arthur it does is the pieces. That song's dumb I mean yeah But still It's almost all It's one flat line man You know what I mean

I don't know what you mean But it's just like it doesn't go anywhere There's no peaks and valleys Arthur's theme What he seizes Until that set He does what he seizes Seize him

Arthur's famous catchphrase Seas him You scurvy name The thing is about Arthur's theme is that it sucks until you get that sweet sacks, man. That's like a real Baker Street, Jerry Rafferty, Sacks. When that solo comes in. Get the saxophone player from Jerry Rafferty, Baker Street,

and then you got a big super group there. Seals and Sacks. Seals and Cross. What is this? I was going to St. Eyes riddle. I don't know what that is. As I was going to St. I was with seven wives.

Seven sacks, seven sacks, and seven cats. Seven cats and seven kids. Kids, cats, cats, and wives, how many were going to say knives? All of them. No. One. Me. I was going to say knives.

Felfare, you did. Damn it. You really did. Who's buried in Grant's tomb? Grant. Now, a lot of our shows would end with riddles. Okay. We'd play our three big hits, and then we'd say, all right, everybody's sit down,

Chris Croft's Applesauce. Chris Croft's Applesauce. Come on. I wish I'd thought of that. I wish I'd thought of it. that. And then we'd ask riddles. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's fun because everybody was stone. Yeah. On grass. That's right. Yes. The thing that gets you the most stone. People were taking qua ludes. Well, I, look, I hope that one of our listeners out there is name Crofts are

willing to change their name to Crofts. I need it, man. You need it because you, I mean, what's the seals without a cross? I mean, I don't know. You've been great on this show today, though. Hey, thanks, man. I want to thank you for dropping by. Do you think you can have me back? Sure. That seemed qualified. Maybe during the tour?

I wouldn't be surprised. Wouldn't be surprised if I showed up late in the tour. All right. Well, we need to get to our next guest. Can you stick around, Seals? Yeah, the funeral's not for another few hours. Oh, okay, great. So it's happening right after the show today?

Yeah. Oh, okay. Are you going to speak? Of course I am. Oh, and I'm going to sing just. my parts of the songs. Oh, what were your parts? What was the delineation between your parts and his parts? We would sing every other word. Your voices were so similar. Can I hear some of that from Summer Breeze? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Summer make feel blowing the mind. You got the good words in that one.

I did. Well, yeah. We would trade off. Oh, really? So every other performance. Yeah, it would be like, okay, let me have the good words in this one. Great. All right. Well, we do need to get to our next guest. It's great to see her. You know her as the owner and proprietor of the W. Hotel out here in Los Angeles. She also sells cucumbers in hot dog buns, I believe. Various businesses going on. Please welcome back to the show, Bean Dip. Hey, Scott, good to see you, man. Hey, great to see you. Good to see you. Yeah. How have you been, Bean Dip? Oh, been pretty great, man.

Yeah. I'm rocking and rolling, do whatever, man. Yeah. Yeah, man. I bet, man. Any soft rocking and rolling in there? Oh, it's great to meet you, Crops. No, this is, uh-oh.

Unfortunately, this is seals. I don't mean to say, unfortunately, your seals. Hey, man. Unfortunately, for you. Can I just tell you, it's hard to get them both straight because they seem a lot of light because they both had wonderful, smooth vibes. Thank you, man.

Hey, sure, dude. You ever see Seals and Crofts out there in concert with all the crofts behind him and all the seals? Dude, tons of times. Hey, back in the day, I used to go see, I'd say about early 90s. Would you agree? Seals, that's when the Crofts started falling off of being everywhere. Yeah. But I managed to see it.

The 70s and the 80s all the way through the early 90s? It started with Saved by the Bell. Meaning in the early 90s. Sometime around that show? That's when people stopped. He started seeing fewer and fewer crafts. Uh-huh. Because I was like very into Zach Kelly all there.

And I was like, hey, after I watched this, let me head over to us. It was a cross concert. And at that point, it was still loading with growth. Wow, wow. Uh-huh. Then we started getting younger fans coming and saying, what are those? Yeah. Yeah, because it was confusing.

If you saw a big crowd of them, it was like, hey, man, this is breaking my brain a little bit. Uh-huh. Yeah. Scott. Yeah. Being did. What's up? What's up, man?

Happy 17th anniversary to this show. Happy 17th anniversary to the show of comedy, comedy. Bangy, bang, you, bang, baby, bag, you, mind. Great. Thank you. Thank you, Seals. You have the voice of an angel. Thanks, Scott.

Thanks. Well, you know, I've been capitalized on it lately. Have you been in, I mean, we just spoke to my Nana earlier in the show. She had to go. She's been getting into a music career. Are you doing anything in the music sphere? Yeah, but we'll talk. Fuck you, Nana, because whatever I'm doing is going to be way more successful than some old lady trying to go like, hey, oh, I can say hey.

Yeah, she was rapping about her struggle. Oh, for real? Her comp. For real. I don't say that. Well, most of my thing is I don't talk about struggle. I'll just talk about doing great. Oh, okay.

Hi. Do you write your own material, I would imagine? I write my own material. I play by all your interest. I produce. Okay. Okay, so full 360. Full 360, but then I also, at the very end of it, that's when I call Rick Rubin.

And I say, come on, hey, dude, come on in, just doll it in for me. Who's this now? Rick Rubin. Oh, Rick Rubin. Come on, man. You know, beard. Dude, he talks about Zen art. No shoes.

Walked around during COVID in Hawaii. Doesn't really do anything. Well, let me tell you, he does a lot because he comes in with his no shoes. He takes a nap while I'm showing him all my music and then he goes, hey, do this, just a little turn this up out of here and then it's perfect.

Wow, okay. So can I hear any of your songs? Why don't you tell me which one of my titles you would love to hear today? Well, I'm at a disadvantage because I don't know any of your music yet. Wait, what if she sent you a list right now? Okay, sure.

Sure. I'll get, hey, I'll just. Oh, my. My gosh. The sprinkles. The sprinklers turned on and ruined my computer. Sorry, man. You just hand me a list.

Okay, here you go. Yes. Oh, thank you so much. I send it on a paper airplane. Thank you so much. Okay, here's a really interesting one. The roses have all wilted and died, and now I have no idea where I'm going to go tonight. What a long title.

It's like a Morrisy title. The roses are up all. Wilton and died, and now I have no idea. Where I'm going to go tonight? Can you help me, baby? Come on over and peel me up with your loving kindness, darling, because I don't know where I'm going to go, because the roses have Wilton.

Come on down to my plate, and let me see your face tonight. Give me your head. Take me and take me to the edge. I want to feel all your love tonight. Chickie, chickie, chaw, chaw. Mine. Wow. You got the seals, seal of approval?

Yeah. It's great because I've been wanting to ask him, do you think you can pop in on about five or six of my songs and just make a little, a beautiful noise at the end? I would love to. Great, sales. Can the noise sometimes be crofts? I would love it.

You know what? I mean, bean dip. First of all, great song. Thanks, Scott. Got a little screamo there in the middle of it. I was surprised by that. You got to keep up with the times, man. Yeah, I guess so. If screamo is a current genre, the people are in enjoying.

It's circling me. Okay. But a gorgeous song, but, you know, it's occurring to me that you're a musician. Yeah. Seals here is a musician who's looking for another partner. Guilty is charged. What about instead of seals and crofts, which, look, let's be honest, it's a stale brand. You know what I mean?

It's like everyone, everyone knows it, everyone's heard it. Tired. It's tired. Played. Seals and Bean? Or Bean Dips Baby Seal. Bean Dips Baby Seal. Uh-huh.

That could be something. Not terrible. Okay. Here's my two problems. Okay. Okay. What number one, please? seals and bean you got a plural and a singular can't do it

second then it's the baby seal singular I'm a seals man to solve to solve the problem of a singular bean what if mr. bean also got involved now what talk is that possible what would he do would he just dance like the one guy in the buddy muddy boss tone Well, you know, during the Olympics, you saw him playing that one keyboard note in the Territus of fire theme. I heard about that. You know, he could come in every now and they like the guy from body, body, body, ballstones, and just do some of that, you know, that voice. Does that way, is that what Mr. Bean sounds like?

That's what Marty, body, body most sounds like. He speaks vaguely French, if I remember. He's mostly quiet, but then everyone wants to all, he goes, whoa. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I wouldn't. Hey, Yoda. Hello? I didn't see you over there, man.

Oh, yeah, Yoda's been behind seals. Stucked behind the microphone, I was. You look great, man. Good to see you, young bean dip. Have you been training with your lightsaber? Yes, I've been doing great. I've known how to now cut through a wall. Oh.

That's great. Big step, that is. Honestly, isn't he just kind of turn it on and stick it into the wall? Scott. Sorry, sorry. Don't be a dick, man. I apologize. I don't mean to be reducted.

Hey, Seals. Don't be a day. Hey, man. I'm going to take this from you. What? You're passive aggressive. I'm seeing. Yot rock bullshit.

What? Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to help you, Seals. Maybe I'm trying to help you. Some, uh, Oh, okay. All right.

I'll give you that. But, I mean, I think the partnership between the two of you, could I hear you do, instead of you just coming in and saying mine or summer, could I hear like maybe you guys trading off? A little bit of summer base. Yeah. Or,

new song. I'll start and then toss it over to you. We'll write new songs right after this. Okay, great. Summer breeze makes me feel fine. Roll it straight to chess when you're my mind. Whoa!

You know the riff? You can save money on a guitarist by having Bean Dip just do that. Yeah, listen to this. Okay. Oh, yeah, on you, on you. That's what I really turned it up to guitar. Wow, what do you think?

Wow. That's so much more efficient than playing the guitar. Why does anyone bother with playing? We got to go through these sound checks to go on forever. We could have just been doing that the whole time. Yeah, man, tell me another one of your sales are cross the glass of hits. Darling, if you wanted me, they're closer to you. I think it's darling if you want me to be

Sorry I don't mean to tell you your business I just Scott that was insane what you just did You were talking about passive aggressive Yeah that's full on aggressive That was of me saying you don't know your fucking songs Yeah that you've been singing for 50 years Scott was come over you I don't know why you would beg me to be on this show

I didn't beg you I asked you to be on the show I'm a huge fan You were on your hands and knees I was on my hands and knees, but I had dropped an earring. By the way, your earrings have been looking great. Yeah, I was afraid the holes were going to close. No, they're gorgeous earrings, but still, I'm 79 years old, man. I live in Nashville, Tennessee.

And what's your wife's name? My wife's name is Ruby Jean Anderson. We got married in 1970, man. Classic Ruby Jean. I apologize. Do you know Ruby Jean? Oh, I didn't want to tell you this, Seals. I know her really well and great.

How did you guys meet? Well, I was out getting some groceries. And I thought, man, I wish somebody was here that could tell me which of these lettuces is better than her lettuce. And then a woman came around the corner, a gorgeous older woman. And she said, hey, I'm Ruby Jean. I don't work here, but I know a lot about the lettuce. She would go on these what she called her,

grocery altruism runs, where she would go to grocery store And just like parade the aisles, like looking for people who needed help. Wow, man. Wow. I'm so happy to hear a first-hand account of that. It's beautiful. Yeah. I will admit, I've been calling her Ruby Jean Crofts for a long time.

God, damn. I'm sorry to tell you. That really hurts because they did have an affair. Oh, crap. They did? Why were you still with this guy? He was Crofts. He was Crofts.

You knew every other word to all of your songs. He really did. We just had something special that transcended my sacred vows of marriage. Yeah. Well, you and B-Dib could have the same kind of thing together. Well, do you want to hear the guitar with too, darling, if you want me to be? Closer? Yeah.

Goza to you. They're closer to me. I will. I got chills. Are they multiplying? No. Okay. There's just singular chills.

Yeah. If they were multiplying, I'd be worried that something was going on. Scott. Go to the Docky Yachton. Stop trying to make the whole Grease soundtrack, Yacht Rock. Only one song on the Grease soundtrack is Yacht Rock. Which one would you consider it to be? The song, Greece.

Grease is the word. That's more of a disco hit. Come on, man. You don't know what you're talking about. It was sung by the Gibb. It was written by the Gibbs. The Gibbs? Mm-hmm.

The Brothers' Giz. No, it wasn't. It was not? No. The song, Greece? No, they never would have written that. I think it might have been like Frankie Van. Gun to their heads.

They never wrote that song. Gun to their heads? Yeah. Written by Barry Gibb? Not that one. Oh, you were talking about other Gibbs? There was, man, in the 70s, there were so many people named Barry Gibb. It was ridiculous.

Oh, okay. You're just lousy with Barry Gibbs. It was like, you guys might as well be Croft. Yeah, yeah. Guston. Well, guys, I think there's a partnership here that is going to be really fruitful. Can we expect to see concerts soon? I'm going to go out with a thumbs up

for the years of that This is so emotional for me When Crofts died earlier today It was earlier today It was about a month ago Mothergirl Who are you, Mr. Bean? Hey, who the fuck are you?

I'm sealed Mr. Canter Beans I thought Man, how am I ever going to go on? But now I feel like with Bean Dip, I got a future. I feel like My features, but it's everywhere now that I have sales for my life.

Bean dip, I've never seen you cry before. I never have cried here with you before, Scott, because real talk, I don't feel safe. I apologize. But now I'm going to let it out because seals and yon are here to make me feel like I could be a little baby if I need to. Well, guys, do you want to, we have to take a break, but do you want to maybe go to break singing your only other song that you have?

Diamond Girl. Diamond Girl, of course. And you know the guitar part of Diamond Girl? Of course I do you, bitch. Okay, and Yoda, you can get involved if you want. Okay, I might throw in like a hmm. Yeah, okay. Let's hear it.

Okay, here we go. Diamond Girl. Diamond Girl. Weo, weo. Diamond Girl. Carmi. Now my chills are multiplied. lying.

Sure looks fine. This is incredible. Well, guys... You know more of the word? More than you know, I think. Hey, you don't know that. Hey, fuck you, Seals. What?

How do we get to this? I'm sorry. Fuck you Seals. Fuck you Seals. No one said that to me since Crosby. Scott, calm down. Oh, he's forced choking me. Ah, okay, look, we need to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have even more guests. The 17th anniversary of Comedy Bang Bang will be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang! Bang! We are back. 17th anniversary, 17 years ago back in 2009. This podcast started and we've been around every week since then, and here we are in 2026, if you can imagine. Seals, have you ever done anything for 17 years? Well, yeah. Been a musician? where I play guitar, mandolin, fiddle, saxophone, and vocals. Oh, okay.

So you're the guitarist, then. I guess when Dean Dip simulates the guitar with her mouth, you're going to be out of a job in that respect? No, maybe you didn't hear all those other instruments that I do. Oh, okay, so you're going to play the mandolin every song? Hey, man, the fuck is your problem. What the fuck is your problem, Seale? No problem.

My partner just died. Not just like a month ago Wow You say that to a 79 year old man In the span of your whole Life I guess I only have four years left to live You think so?

Probably If Crofts is any indication Was he older by the way? He was a little bit older Okay Yeah What was his age at the time of death What an insensitive question

Well I apologize But I do need to know these things But I will tell you that he died At age 87 87 Boy that was like a May December partnership between the two of you. It's not that much.

Eight years? Eight years, you think it's May December? Okay, so what are we talking? Maybe when you're in your 20s, you creep. Okay, so August, December, what are we talking? Yeah, August December. Okay, great. He died in Austin, Texas,

which is in the U.S. Mm-hmm. Great. Well, we need to get to our next guest. Hard to believe he was active for so many years, 1957 to 2026. 57, that is a long time to be active. When they say active meaning as a musician

Well like me. You think he's completely sedentary from birth to 1957? Maybe, I don't know. Like me, he was formerly of the champs and seals and crofts. Okay, yeah, the champs. Yeah. Did they sing tequila? Yeah, we did.

You sing, you were one of the singers of tequila? We all took turns singing the word tequila. Okay, wow. And it was Latin tinged. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 1950 it's single. Yep.

All right. Well, you know, we do. We were an American rock and roll band. Yes, of course. Yes. Any other facts that you want to tell me before I introduce our next guest? Yeah, we took our name from that of Gene Autry's horse champion. The champs.

Yep. Wait, wait, not just the idea of champs? No, no, no. We were formed by studio executives at Autry's Challenge Records. We were supposed to record a B-side for the Dave Burgess single train to nowhere. Okay, sure. And then everyone said, hey, what's our name going to be? Well, Gene Autrysie's our name going to be.

Well, Gene Autrys. Tree's horse is named Champion, so why don't we call ourselves? That was a guy from the record label. Oh, okay. Yeah, he was real proud of himself, too. We were just kids with, you know, crew cuts. Sure. Who liked to sing about tequila.

Yeah, and drink it. Uh-huh. Oh, okay. Do you still drink it? All the time. All right. All right. All right.

Okay, yeah. Um, are you a basketball fan? I love basketball. The most orange ball. Would you agree? Agreed. Mm-hmm. He is a...

In sports. In sports. Not in the world. No, no. I'm sure there's a Nerf ball. No, they got one in the Smithsonian Institute that's so orange that if you look at it, you get depressed. Right. You start to feel like you're...

Why do they keep that in the Smithsonian? I don't know. You start to feel like you're in an orange void. Yeah. Well, he is a former basketball champion, I'm assuming. Whoa! A champ! You ever win a...

Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't mean to get you excited about Gene Autry's former horse. But he, I'm sure you, you want a ring or two. Hell, yes, yes, sir! I'm talking college basketball, UCLA, the great home of the Bruins coached by the genius John Wooden with over 10 titles. Then the Boston Celtics, and I brought the title home to the great city of Portland where the Trailblazers placed trails. Okay, so meaning you brought it home, you won it with the Celtics and then you moved over there?

But in the opposite order. I was remembering Memento style Oh okay But it happened A reverse tenant style You ever get to that DVD of Memento Where you could watch the whole thing In chronological order

Yeah I thought it was just a regular DVD Well look at all your backwards tattoos Do you have a mirror? I got to figure out what these say I always have a mirror I used to do a ton of coat These are recent by the way You have not had these tattoos

No yeah You can tell by that little plastic wrapping around me They're very new. Right, right. Well, let me introduce you. He is, of course, also one of the NBA tonight commentators. Not to be confused with Mac tonight. No, of course not.

You're not the guy with the giant chin. Not to be confused with a kid. I know. Yeah, of course. You think of that guy whose head was the moon as a guy with a giant chin? It's too big, though. You got to admit. I guess it's the bottom half of the moon.

I guess. He's also got a giant forehead if you look at it that way. Sure. Yeah. But he is... In a tiny nose. What's the tension here between you two? I don't know.

He's soft rock, which means he's passive-aggressive. And I've... He's a dickhead. He's been sitting here needling me the entire time. I'm not needling you. You're like an acupuncturist. X-U-pop-propos. You're like an X-Man.

Hey, don't go writing any songs. Ex-men. Okay. I wrote that song, Dammit, girl. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. Okay, yeah, Emma Frost. He is a former basketball player, former dead person who's rumored to be dead but is actually alive. Please welcome back to the show, Bill Walton.

Thank you for having me. Oh, my God, Scott's 17 beautiful years. You look better than ever. Thank you so much. Some would say that I am aging poorly, but I appreciate that incredible compliment. Are people saying that to your face, Scott Ockerman? Not to my face, no, but. Is the internet to your face?

Oh, now it is. Scott, that's imperfect. It's why I'm here, actually. Oh, really? Yes. What's going on, Bill? I have become obsessed with body modification. Body modification.

Not just the tattoos, but I don't know if you're noticing some lip stuff, some cheek stuff, some forehead stuff. Yeah, I look amazing on my phone. Do I not essay, Scott Ockerman. I had to admit, I'm not going to call you by your initials anymore, actually. Okay, thank you so much. I have to admit when you walked in here, I was like, Bill Walton is, looks maxing here.

Is that where you go to TJ Max and you look at all the hotties? Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm looks maxing every day of my life then. Your chin is huge. Thank you. Well, I came in and I asked for them back tonight. They said that's not really his chin. It's most of his face.

It's weird that that came up just now. That's wild. It's insane. I mean, like, but Mac tonight didn't have the bulging jaw muscles that you have. That's what I said. I said, give me the Mac tonight, but make sure you give me something in the jaw. Look back tonight on the downstairs, Leno on the sides. I mean, I have never heard that describe, but that's exactly what you got.

Well, then they nailed it, Scott Ackerman. I couldn't be happier with the work I've had done. I feel better about myself than ever. I don't want to make this a dirty show, but I am as comfortable in the bedroom as I've been in a long time, Scott Ackerman. Okay, good. I mean, even though you did die, you did die, I can't remember. I died. I died. I went to heaven and I came back to Earth because I didn't finish my bucket list, which was to make a show called entourage about a boy who moves to Los Angeles with his four aunts. Yes. Okay. And so you're, and you're on the path to doing that.

Well, I've been a little distracted. Yes. It's harder than I thought to sell a show in Hollywood, California right now. Do you know this? No, I mean, yeah, ever since the contraction of entertainment. Yes. All they want is more IP man. I'm man. I'm man. Everybody wants IP. No, it's IP, I think. It's a different thing. Well, then take a break. I'll wait. Wait, there's something called I'm It's a kung fu.

There's with several sequels, yes. Yes, and they just want more and more of it. So I keep writing It Man movies, and I bring it in, they're like, this is not for us. I'm like, what do you want then? Yeah, no. Is that related to One Punch Man? I don't know what One Punch Man is. I don't either.

One Punch Man is a parody of anime-style TV shows, but has its own. It also sits in the world of anime at the same time. he's a man who could kill you with one punch. Damn. So they made fun of it and then they're like, get in here. Yeah, we love it. All parity should be done with love. Wouldn't you agree, Scott Ackerman? I have no opinion on any of this. You know, Jeff Ross says we only roast the ones we love.

Is that the fact? At the Friars Club. I'm scared to meet the guy. I think he would tear me to pieces. I think, look, I don't suggest it because... Have you met Jeff Ross? I have met Jeff Ross. Did he roast your ass, Scott Ackerman? My ass is burnt to a crisp, I have to say.

So, yeah, I don't... What are you roast? Your eyebrows? Your nose, your lips, your chest, your personality. I remember when I said that some people are saying I'm aging poorly, that it's primarily Jeff Ross to say this about me. Online, you said online, he's making fun of you. Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry to hear that. He's doing online roast now. Yes. Of people that he knows. There's still profile pictures. Man, I would be kind of intimidated to me someone knowing that they're going into every interaction thinking, how do I make fun of this guy? It's why I don't have any teenagers.

kids. Why? Why? Because they're older than teenage? Well, you do have kids. Yes. Okay. But I would never have teenage kids. Did you put them in a cryosleep? No, I left for four years. Each time they turned teenage. Loophole. I love that movie. Bruce Willis. Joseph Gordon, what's his name? Leavitt? Joseph Gordon. Yeah. It really took me longer than I'm comfortable with to put that together. You might have been thinking of the movie Looper, but Loophole is another movie that was done independent. at the same time as the movie with the same stars same stars same cast they were filming in repertory so bill you entourage is not moved any closer no scott what's the deal with hollywood and i'm not trying to go all j s on you but yeah joseinfeld yeah thank you i i i can't

sell a picture these days uh you know i i couldn't i i can't sell a film i can't sell a tv show just when i've tried to get into the industry scott it's dying it's a dying business yeah some might say that if you really wanted to be in entertainment, you should have given up on your basketball dreams earlier and gotten in in the 70s, 80s. When were you active? 70s, 80s, 90s. Yeah, I started having...

And beyond. The song's the whole office going to agree on. Back when the crofts were everywhere. Oh, my God. You missed the Crofts. I'm thinking about the crofts right now. Yeah. I can't picture one.

Like, could you draw one for me right now? Yeah, sure. I love that, yeah. There you go. Well, that was fast. Tell me that's not a crofts. That's a, well, that's more of like a... Can I see that?

No, no! A pigeon gave it, took it. Oh, no. Of course pigeons love to eat crofts. Oh, yeah. And they miss them, too, man. They got that, you know, how you torture a mouse, and then the little mouse baby will be like, I got tortured. What?

I don't know that. Genetic trauma. Oh, okay. All pigeons are waiting for crofts to come back. Oh, you got it. Just like that, Scott, you know, when you torture a mouse and the little baby doesn't like it. Right. Okay, sure. So you, so you can't sell anything.

I can't sell anything, but that's why I'm moving Scott into verticals. Do you know about these verticals? Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby. I love verticals. I love verticals. I mean, the other guy. By the way, when you said, oh, yeah, I thought you were auditioning to do the theme song to

Entourage for Bill here. Oh, we do need a theme song. Yeah. Is you going to start exactly like the entourage theme show? Well, yeah. Isn't that how it ends? starts? No, it starts with it because it's got your bridging time. You know what I mean? Oh, wow. So the oh yeah is a bridge from past to future. Yeah, let's hear that oh yeah again. Do you mind?

Oh, yeah. Superhero. Dro, blah. So it's just going to be the exact same theme song? But it's kind of backwards, but also forwards. I don't know if you noticed the bar. The backmasking. Yeah. I was what? Backmasking. Backward masking. Oh, yes. My, my plastic. surgeon did that on me. Oh, okay.

So, what is that a deal? I don't know, but I wish somebody stopped him. Yeah. I think you're like a malignant or something. You have a face on the back of your neck. Yes, yes. He added another personality here that when I go to sleep, terrorizes my family and friends. Oh, okay. But backwards. But backwards. I wouldn't let him around Jeff Ross is going to get his ass roasted for his weird walk. Can you imagine Jeff Ross roasted me?

Man, I can't. Well, I remember his self. But, I don't. I don't. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Scott, I wanted to know if I could get your investment, and even if you're willing to turn your face into something that people would look at every day on their phones close up, I would love to put you into my verticals. Oh, man, can you imagine being in a vertical? This is an incredible opportunity. I've never been in a vertical before.

You haven't? I haven't, no. Oh, Scott, I mean, it's just like being alive. You sit vertically, you stand vertically. You do everything but sleep vertically. I sleep horizontally. Is that going to be an issue or is that? Oh, it just won't put your sleep in the.

the verticals or if we do it'll just be if your penis is upright. Oh man, no sleep. If my penis is upright while I sleep. We'll do a vertical of your penis. There's going to be no scenes asleep. I don't know. I mean, you pitch on it. Each vertical is a minute long. It's a lot of waste. I love verticals because I'm an older gentleman. I don't know how to turn my phone sideways. It's pretty me. All you got to do is. So I would look at those videos like too small. Why is everything so small? Yeah. Yeah. So this is great. I mean, this is perfect for elderly gentleman? Absolutely. Unless you're Russell Crowe, who is now doing videos of himself reviewing watches and he refuses to do them vertically. Really? His film is done horizontally.

Glad to hear he's taking a stand on this. He decided to get political at the perfect time, Scott. And I stand with Russell Crow on this one. He's not tweeting his workouts anymore. Now he's doing this? Yeah, he just holds up a watch. He's like, I like this one. 18 kilometers. I guess 30-odd foot of grunt is done? What was that? This is bad, man. I thought that was what I... 40-odd foot of grunt. That's my porn search.

Then he... You must be disappointed when Russell Grokeeps comes. I'm always headbagging, but I'm never coming. Then he changed the name to something else that had the exact same initials, because I think he still had some merch. Oh. Did he get sued? Was there another 40-odd foot of grunt that sued him for intellectual property?

No, I think they probably just went out and they're like, I guess we'll do our own thing now. The famous guy is not here. I have some bad news seals. It's 30-odd foot of grunts. 30. Yes. But it's still to-fodd. Perhaps.

I don't see anything about a name change here. But look, this Wikipedia page is very sparse. One of the thinnest Wikipedia pages I have ever seen. 30-odd foot of grunts was an Australian rock group formed in 1992. It was made up of Russell Crow. 92. Dean Cochran, Garth Adam, Dave Kelly on drums, Dave Wilkins on guitar and vocal and trumpeter, Stuart Kerwin, the end.

Wow. Do any of them have blue links on their names? Like Stuart Kerwin, Steve Irwin's brother? No, unfortunately, Russell Crow is the only one who has a hyperlink attached. Wow. Yeah. What grunt is probably a top five word I never want to hear out loud. Yeah, you just want to hear people doing it as on a monopoeia.

I wouldn't mind hearing people grunting. Oh. Yeah. Oh, Scott. Anyway, so you have a vertical. Scott, you got me going there a little bit. Sorry. So you have a vertical. You want me to star in it. I'm in. Okay, great. So let me just get a Sharpie out. And I'm just going to do a little work on where we would want to do some stuff on your face.

Lorenzo Lama style? Tell us. Say more. From his show, hot or not, I believe. I remember that show. Yeah. You made a show off the website. Yeah. This is even before the website. The website ripped out there. Oh! We get out a laser pointer and point out bits of fat on women's bodies.

Yeah. Is Jeff Ross sitting next to him? No, this was not funny. It's not a rouse. It would be people, conventionally attractive people, standing on stage in a bathing suit. And Lorenzo Lama's going, you have a little bit of a love handle there. Oh, my God. I can't believe it's not still on.

I think I would love to see it in syndications or streaming somewhere on a platform. It feels like you want to look up the producers of that show and see if they're in jail or hell. One of the two. But, yeah, I guess, well, Scott, I don't want to rip off that. idea on the podcast. Okay. But I was basically just going to sharpie you up a little bit here. Okay, yeah, sure. I mean, feel free. It's the 17th anniversary. Feel free to just, yeah. First, before I ever touch anybody on a podcast, I have to ask your boundaries. Is there anywhere you don't want to be touched? Pretty much my entire body, excluding the penis.

Okay, we'll start there. Okay, you're going to start and finish there, hopefully. Hopefully only one of us will. Okay, so what do you got? Wush. Sorry, it's my sprinklers again. Whoa! Are they connected to your penis, like in an AI style? Yeah, yeah. It's a heat sensor, I believe.

Wow. So if you're a roused, the sprinklers go off. Yeah, exactly. No wonder you've got such a lush garden. Yeah. Sorry, I got an update. Okay, on what? On your Wikipedia page?

Russell Crow's band. Okay. So after it was called 30-out foot of grunt, it dissolved, right? And then he started a new band. called the ordinary fear of God, which is the exact same letters as 30-odd-foot-a-grunt. That's the type of confidence we need in this day and age, wouldn't you say? That's how you become Russell Crow, the gladiator, the Pope on a Vespas guy. The American gangster.

Hey, man, he wasn't the Pope. He was the Pope's exercise. Yes, I'm sorry. Can we please cut that? I'm sorry. Can we please cut that mistake? The editing machine is broken. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, man. But I had to call it out. You know you were right, too. Imagine me driving home and realizing it. I would not take my foot off the pedal till I was at the Pacific Ocean. Do you think you'd miss every light? Yeah, I would speed through.

I'd hope. I don't know if you'd make it. I think you'd get teaboned at some point. I would call up. I'd call up Napster from the movie Italian job, played by Seth Green and say, give me all green lights all the way to the Pacific Ocean.

Hey man, hold on a second. Are you just now informed me? There's a character in that movie named Napster? Yes, his backstory is that he actually invented Napster and it was stolen from it. I got to get my car and drive the Pacific Ocean right now. This is worse than hearing that Cromstack. You should do your eulogy about that.

I'm sorry, Scott. I'm sorry, I'm just a little discombobulated because I called the Pope's Exorcist the Pope. That's okay. Don't worry about it. Well, look, I'm perfectly willing to be in this. Okay. Do you need any sort of... It's non-union.

Okay, yeah, I'm willing to go non-union if necessary. Is it local hire? Clip that. Do I have to pretend to be a local hire? It's local hire in Shanghai. Shanghai? Yes, China. So you don't have to pretend to be, but you put yourself up in Shanghai if you have a place there.

Local Shanghai. Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay, yeah, I can do all this. Okay, and so your character is, because a lot of these are kind of sexually mythical storylines. Ooh. Okay. So you're,

you maybe should have led with that, but go ahead. Do you not want to do it anymore? Oh, no, I mean. Is it the mythos or the sexuality? Yeah, I'm not sure how comfortable I am exuding sexual chemistry on screen. Oh, my gosh, Scott. This could be your career-changing moment. You could be nominated for an Oscar if you would just be comfortable getting sexual

mythically in one of my levels. Okay, so mythically maybe, yeah. Okay, great. Can you describe exactly what that means, though? Yes, so you would be a man who turns into a centaur, which is a horse. Okay, so, meaning my

legs turn into horse's legs, or my entire body? I don't know why I'm getting very specific on this. Yeah, well, your legs do. So just my legs change. Much like Ariel and Little Mermaid, her fish tail turns into legs. She's... Okay, I got to watch This is good for inspiration. Oh, you've never seen Little M.

Spell that out for me. L-I-T-T-L-E-T-L-E-E-S-E-E-R-M-A-I-D. Okay, thank you both. In stereo. The thing about Little Mermaid is she's more evenly distributed fish in person than a centaur is man and horse. Yeah. Okay, I'll note that when I watch. Nipples above, which is not the case with Little Mermaid.

It's pretty much a waistline below. Well, you would be, where does it? Horse's waist. Yeah. Below the waistline, sunshine. All right, Murray Head. But then, who? But then a centaur is like almost all of a horse.

Right. And then half of a guy. Well, we've mostly only got the budget for horse legs, back legs. So this might not be a full centaur. Maybe it would be a centaur. You know what I would do? Please. I'd do front legs and then fake back legs.

Front legs and fake back legs. Okay, so someone would be the ass. No, they could just be dragging around. Tracking them around that they don't work Yeah We'll put them on little wheels Okay so you're gonna be a Stephen Hawking Centaur in a wheelchair

So your horse part Your horse part is being dragged around on wheels Your human part is sexual Do I speak through a voice box Well we all do Scott Ackerman It's called our larynx Thank you very much for the anatomy lesson I appreciate that

I can give you a full one If you got you Fuck you Seals are sea walking Fuck you Guys Please. Can my good buddy Seals be in this with me?

Please. Okay. I mean, I'm loving the chemistry here. It would be like Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gossling who hated each other in the notebook. Or we have like a lethal weapon. Is that true? They couldn't even be near each other on set. That's kind of too bad.

It booms me out a little bit. Sorry, man. Use that if you're not getting your many tears in your eulogy. Maybe start to think of that as a sense memory. I think we're in as a package deal. Me and Seals. Okay. Seals and I.

How would you like the contract to be written? Seals and I. I got to draw it up. Seals and I. Seals and I. Okay. Seals and us is better. Seals in us.

Shampoo. God bless you. Seals and we. I'd take sheels and we. Seals and we. All right. Cool. Can't be singular.

So $100, local hire, shankai. $100? Yeah. Dang. Stipend or a day? Is that the per diem? That's your walking around money. Oh, okay.

Okay. Walking around as in that's how much I'm getting. getting paid and then I'll be walking around during the thing. You'll have to be walking around because your ride from the airport to your place is going to cost $100. So you're going to walk for the rest of it. I don't know. Guys, come on.

This is a change your life, Scott. This is going to change your life. I don't know about my life. My life. Okay, look, we haven't done Borat impressions on this show in a long time. Well, they're back, baby. All right, all right, all right. I feel like I fell out of a tree onto my back.

Oh, that's the worst. Do you want to massage? Okay. All right. If you're going to massage seals here, I'm going to bring in our next guest. That's perfect. That's perfect time. I'm kind of worked out that way.

I am going to bring in our next guest. And look, you need actors for your thing. And our next guest is probably one of the most successful actors and people in the entertainment industry that we've ever had on this show. Oh, my God. He also, I hate to even call him a private investigator because he barely does that. But he's a very successful actor. Please welcome Boob's Rinse to the show.

Hello, Scott. Thanks for having me. Hi, boobs. Congrats on the 17 years. Thank you so much. Congrats to you on all of your success that we found out about. As a private eye? Thank you so much.

Not necessarily as a private eye. Primarily a private eye. No, you, I mean, primarily as... By the way, yes. I checked your facts. You're right. It's been 17 years. Thank you.

I didn't take it at face value. Okay, great. I checked my sources. You looked up Wikipedia? I looked up Wikipedia within two seconds. I had the facts. Uh-huh. Yeah.

And you are right on the money. Great. 17 years. Good investigative work. Hey, congrats. Thanks. Would you like soft, medium, or hard pressure? You know what?

Start off medium. Okay. If it gets, if it's not good enough or if it's too hard, then it will adjust from there. Fantastic. Okay. Do you mind if there's a massage going on? Not at all. During the...

Not at all. With my powers of deductive reasoning, I can learn a lot about these guys by watching the massage. Just observing. Got us off. Okay. That man is...

That was medium. No, take it. That man is in pain, is my observation. He's hurting right now. And the other man is super strong. I feel like your fingers got in between my ribs. And they'd spad?

My ribs. Hot ribs. So boobs. Thanks, yes. You are a Los Felas private investigator. That's correct, yes. You mainly investigate cases within the city limits of Los Felas. Yes, although I've specified even further.

I'm doing Hillhurst Avenue-only cases. You're doing, okay. One of the avenues of Los Felas. You're getting now more specific to just Hillhurst Avenue. Just Hillhurst Avenue and Los Fields. I'm excluding Vermont. Little Doms. Little Doms is involved.

Yes, mustard seed cafe. I'm all over it. Okay. These are local Los Angeles references. These are very well-known, local. local Los Angeles references. But Vermont Avenue, how surprised you're out of luck.

Fred 62, I don't want to hear about it. Okay. So nothing, nothing, it has to have an actual Hillhurst address. The crime or the victim address. Must have a Hillhurst address within a block.

Surely you'll investigate something at Cafe Figaro. Cafe Figaro. No, I'm afraid not. What? I'm afraid not. Unless one of the residents lives two blocks

to the east. Then I would, yes. So this is very specific. Now, last time you were on the show... What if there's a murder at E.K. I can't do anything about it. Nothing at E.K.

Unless they go hide in Maru coffee shop, then I'm all over it. Okay. So... If there's any involvement at all from the Hillhurst Avenue, Spain. What if someone's kidnapped from So Plan? I don't know so much about Los Felons. Don't you... Where do you live again?

I used to live here in California. But currently, I live in Nashville, Tennessee. And who are you married to him? He's to the phones. I'm married to my wife, smart guy. Okay, sure, but what is her full Christian name? Oh, okay. Why? You look into... Isn't it Ruby something?

Her name was Ruby Jean Anderson, as I stated previously. We've been married since 1970. We have three children. Welcome to California. My brother is England to Ann. That's right. How's he doing these days, by the way? He's good. Yeah, great. Any problem areas?

My neck, my back. Can I ask a follow-up about your pussy and your crack? And I don't mean to rush this, Scott. Because it's an honor to be here. Yeah. What's going on? I got a heart out at half an hour. I have a meeting with Christopher Nolan later.

I'm hoping about a case. Okay. Yeah, Christopher Nolan, local L.A. resident. What's going on with Christopher? I'm not sure. It's some kind of sit down talking about, again, I'm hoping it's some kind of criminal case involving Hillhurst Avenue. Yeah.

He sent me a script. I've read it. It doesn't seem to be about a crime. Yeah. Can I say the last time you were on the show, as we spoke to you more and more about your cases, which seemed to be almost. almost non-existent. We found out that you are actually a very, very successful actor and producer. You've won many awards. That's subjective. Because you don't view yourself as an actor. It sounds to me

like Christopher Nolan has sent you a script maybe to star in. It says the Odyssey 2. The Odyssey 2. Yes. Even further. Let me see. Yes. Odyssey 2. Even further. Yeah, I think he wants you to be in this movie. I'm assuming there's a Hillhurst Avenue about crime related to the Odyssey too.

I really doubt it. This was set thousands of years ago, uh, the first Odyssey at least. I don't know whether there's a time jump in the second Odyssey. That's a clue. To like the 60s?

Yeah. I don't know. I, it seems to me like he wants your services as an actor. Listen, when you're a private eye, you can't take anything at face value. All right?

So Christopher Nolan sends me a script for the Odyssey to and he says, meet me for an audition. You know what? I just looked up. deadline. It says you're attached to the Odyssey 2 is an act. Oh man, congrats. Well, thanks, but... Good for you. That's awesome, man. That's actually awesome, man. Good for you.

It says your people are in talks for you to star in it. That's awesome, man. That might be true. That's not a big part of my mind. It's not something I think about. It's not a part of my life. But you are willing to show up to set and learn all the lines. Sure, it could be good research for a case. If I ever have to investigate the murder of an actor, it could be

good experience. Yeah. No. I'll be there. You'll be there. Okay, good. But that's not something I'm going to invest a lot of preparation or time. Oh, I've started learning how to pick locks. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's a good skill for a private investigator. Can I demonstrate? You got any locks around here?

I got three. On you? Yeah. Just free floating locks? Three bikes. Why do you have three bikes? Because it's fun to ride a bike? Okay, I'm sorry. Let me see one of those. Not at the same time, surely. How do you know?

I don't know. Yeah, you don't. It doesn't. Shut up. Fuck you, Seale. Fuck you. This is palpable. This will be great on set. Here's a robe while you give them your locks.

Here's my three locks. I got a Yale. Okay. Oh, this one's also a Yale. Two yales, yeah. Oh, I forgot. This was a Yale, too. Okay.

It's a great sturdy lock. I'll take the second Yale. Okay. All right. Now let me see. This is locked. Okay. All right.

All right. Oh, sorry. Caught a little bit. Sorry, my finger's caught. Okay. Oh, oh, hang on. Thumb is also caught. Hang on.

Can you yank? Sorry, my finger and thumb are caught. Yeah, man. How are you getting you? I'm sorry, both my thumb and finger are in that big in opening. I don't understand. Just yank the chain. Yeah, yeah, yank it, yank it.

I did. Okay. Boobes. I'm reading, my finger and thumb are stuck in this spot. I'm reading further on this deadline. Fudu. Fuck you. Absolutely palpable.

Further on this deadline article for The Odyssey, too. It says you play a character named the locksmith. Is that why you're learning all this? Hey, I put the idea in my head, you know. Okay. I was like, a locksmith could be good for a private eye. Okay, let me get the other one here. Let me get the other one here.

You know what? I'm going to do this one with my... I call this one Big Bertha. Big Bertha. The lock? Why? So I can differentiate the locks. Okay, okay. Give me Big Bertha. Why is everybody attacking me?

Because you're kind of an unpleasant jerk. Fuck you! Hey, man, I'm a huge fan. I just realizing now when you are. Hey, thanks, man. Steels and Ciles. Yeah, Seals. You're just realizing now?

Yeah, I just putting it together. What kind of private investigator are you that you... We've been addressing him by name this entire show. I wanted to make sure he wasn't lying. I had to check my sources. There's a lot of seals and personators out there. Yeah, I bet you that's true. All right, let me see a big breath of here.

I'm going to do this one with my feet. Okay. Why? This hand's... You couldn't even do it with your hands. The feet, I've been practicing more with my feet. Okay. This is in the case of I'm ever on my back, and there's a locked door within the reach of my feet,

and I have to pick it with my feet. How do you get the tools to your feet? Why would there be a door in reach of your feet? Let's say that I've been kidnapped by an murderer that I'm investigating, right? Okay, sure. And he gets... And he subdues me. He gets a drop on you.

Yeah. And I almost get him. And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, uh, and there's a, uh, uh, door right above your head. Yeah. And he's, uh, above, no, in front of me, like, I'm on my feet, there's a door. Okay. And I, and I, hooch, I scoge my butt towards the door. Okay.

And then I reach my feet up like this, hang out. I'm, let me put the lock picking stuff in my toes. Okay. Okay. Now, now, this is more difficult. You just use your hands to put the lock picking stuff from your toes. Okay, well, let's assume that in this hypothetical case where I'm being chased by a murder, I think ahead. And I've got the locks in between your toes. From now on, this is a good lesson.

I'll keep my lock picking tools in my shoes. Okay. Let's see this. I get two sets. What's that? I get two sets. Yeah, keep one for your hands. I don't know.

I'd have a shoe set and a handset. I'll have one set and I'll just keep in my shoes. Okay. All right. Because if I, if I... If I could use your hands, then my hands are free, I'll just reach down and get them out of my shoes. Yeah, but I mean, And then they've been in your shoe all day.

You're right. Okay, I'll get two sets. You know what? I'll get three. One free chand, one for the right shoe. Maybe four. You think four? The left shoe.

Okay, right now I can't use my left foot, but I'll practice on it. Why not have four? They're cheap. Because if you use the one, if they take you one shoe and they're like, oh, you had lockpick tools in here, they'd never think you had another one in the other shoe. Reverse Daniel Day Lewis? Because he could only use his left foot. Right. Instead of saying my right foot, it would just be like my reverse.

left foot. Hey, remember how he got an Oscar for that? Yeah. And then there was a little kid who did all the same exact shit. Yeah, he didn't get anything. I know. Yeah, he does the first half hour of the movie at least. Simon Birch?

What? Simon Birch? No, no. A.k.a. Owen Meaney, of course. Yeah, debut. David Lewis. Daniel D. Lewis was in Simon Birch? Yeah, we're an Oscar.

I went out for Simon Birch. Can I actually say something? Yeah, please do. some things together. I, uh, my wife every week. Okay,

don't do your bore at impression, okay? Oh, well, I'll do my more impression. You'll know it, brother. All right.

So my wife every week, she goes to a private 101 yoga class at yoga law. Sure. And then she, I have a find my iPhone

and I can see where she is. She's in Chi Dynasty for six hours. All right. This is, this is exactly what I need. You met yoga vibe, right?

Yoga vibe. Hellmae one. Yes. Yes. That's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. No problem. And so she always comes back very satisfied and smelling of my best friend.

Hey, yes. This is the case. She says she just really gets hungry for Chinese food and mitas after her yoga classes. And yet she's not gaining any weight. Right. Maybe the yoga is canceling it out? That's possible, yeah. Yeah.

Is this a question about the case, or are you leading up to asking him to be in your vertical? So all that being said I'm interested in this I've got a lot of creative free time from noon to 7 p.m. Well, you have to yoga. My wife's at yoga and then Chinese food with my best friend.

You don't want me to look into this situation that you're just a friend? Well, if you're noticing anything unusual, but mostly what I want is I need a big name actor like yourself. Well, I'm not a big name actor, okay? I mean, you have thousands of credits here on IMDB. Yes, but those were all incidental,

accidental credits, most of them. Some of them I didn't even know were happening. I see a big green up arrow right next to your star meter, my friend. Yeah. So I don't have any control over that. Should I know the name Boob's Rince? I'm embarrassed now. I don't think you should.

I mean, these guys are kind of saying you're famous. If you're familiar with the world of private eyes, then yes, you should know the name Boob's Rince. But that's the only way you would know me. Like real private eyes or fake ones? Real private eyes. I only know fake ones. It says here that you invented the COVID vaccine? Yes.

but I didn't get a patent on that because I wasn't interested in the glory. That's why we call it the Fauci-A-Ochie. Great. I love that it's called the Fauci-Occi. You don't mind it. I don't mind it all. If it was the boobs, ouchy, I don't even want anything to do with that. Okay, got it.

That's what a mammogram is called. You invented a mammogram? I invented a mammogram. I didn't invent a mammogram. I perfected it. They never worked. You perfected it. Somebody else invented it, but I did a same thing.

second draft. Okay. And that's where they left. Yes. Two drafts of the mammogram and it was fine. There's no better way to do this. Sorry. The original way was really, I was like, hey, just do this. And then it worked. And I was like, don't change the name. Okay. I don't want it to be a boobzagram. I send that to one of my friends every year on his birthday. A boobs a gram. Yeah. Anyway, listen. Yeah. And I am listening. Believe me. I will take. Did you invent Jim Jab? Did I invent jib jab? No. But I did create...

But you posed during all of them, it says here? Yes, I acted in most jibs. You heard the body for all jib jabs? I'm the mocap source for most of the jib jabs. When they would have like Mitt Romney meeting up with like Don Draper, I was usually both of those guys. Wow. Yeah.

That was my favorite one. Yeah, Mitt Romney and Don Draper, Chibb was so, I mean, you got to read. You really had to be in the Zite guys. No, it was 2012. It doesn't work anymore. Yeah. It doesn't work anymore. He says, my favorite meals hot dog.

And then Don Draper goes. I don't think about you at all. Then they do a dance. Right. Charleston. Yeah. Turkey, the straw starts playing and they both just start going nuts. Yeah.

It was fun. Yeah, I would just be the mocap guy. I can't take any credit for the writing. I wish I could. That's the one thing you would take credit for? I would love to be known for the guy who did jib jab. God, they were good. What a writer's room that must have been.

Yeah. You were saying something? I'm going to take the case of figuring out what happened to your wife. Why she's disappearing into Chi Dynasty. Oh, it sounds like he's going to be in the vertical. I'll hire you on the case if you do the Well, I'm not really interested in the vertical. I mean...

But you are going to do it? I'll investigate the case. Where's the vertical being shot? Shanghai, China. Okay, well, then I'll just walk by set just as I'm investigating the case to see what happened to your way. And you may happen to say whatever lines that... Shanghai, China, which is connected to Chi Dynasty in some fashion.

Oh, I didn't even make that connection. So, all right, I'll go to Shanghai since it's a Hillhurst-related business. Oh, great. Okay, great. All of Shanghai, China is a Hillhurst Avenue-related business. Do you think China gets a cut of every Chinese restaurant? sure like pandanidsbris they have to like send it back yeah

I would think so how do they keep the prices so low then boy that's a great question it's a great question that's why I love maybe send the money through the internet yeah residuals is a huge part of any actor I never negotiated it but I somehow got a piece of every episode of mash that gets rerun

yeah well I mean I'm reading here because you co-created it with Larry Galbart is that well unofficially Larry came up most of the ideas. Yeah, but you came up with the asterisks, it says, in between the letters? I was 10 years old and they were just going to call it mass with no asterisk. I was like, that's going to confuse everybody. This is an acronym. I think it's potatoes. Right. Put asterisks in between it. Got it. Wow. I mean, that's, so you got a huge cut. Yeah. I get 50% of all master's in. No, I'm reading your biography. It says your circumcision, you got a huge cut. I got a

huge cut, yeah. Oh, yeah. Separately than that. Oh, okay. How big are we talking? When I was 10 years old, I said, let's go more on this. I got the whole skin removed. You got a circumcised at 10 years old. 10 years old, yeah. No anesthesia. You got additional circumcision. Wow.

Oh, I see. You wanted more. You went all the way down to the... Shaft. Wow. Okay. Talk about shaft. I can dig it. Shut your mouth.

Now, let me ask you a question. And I hope this isn't rude. I hope not. How much you get paid for your private eye services? 10 cents a day plus expenses. Ten cents a day? Encyclopedia brown rates. I mean, you're so rich and famous that it doesn't...

Irrelevant to me. Yeah, it doesn't matter. First of all, I don't think I'm famous. Most people haven't heard of the name Boobes Rince. Yeah. I have it in my contract that the audience has to be men in blacked at the end of every one of my movies. Oh, really? Neuralized.

Yep, they have to be neuralized. Oh, that makes sense. So I'm in the credits, but you get neuralized to have just that part of it forgotten. So fly. Why? I thought you were complimenting my looks. You are so fly, but... Oh, thank you.

For a white guy. Why don't you want people... know you're in the movies. Because I want people to focus on my private eye business. Maybe don't do the movies? I shouldn't. You know what? That's a great idea. You know what? Bill, I can't help. I can't do your case. Fine. I don't want you to find out if my wife's cheating on me.

Well, I gotta find out. Well, then do the thing. I gotta know. All right, I'll do it. Okay, all right. Well, I think that we've, we've, look, we're here to solve problems. We have now... Wait, are we? Yeah, we are. We have... I hooked you up with a musical partner. You did. I hooked you up with a famous actor for your vertical. And you got me a case. And I got you a case.

This is what Comedy Bang Bang does. You're going to get 10% of this, whatever I make off it. Can I make 10% off of you in your acting career? I'm afraid not. I'm afraid not. It's not important to me. Where are you repped? I'm rep by, let me see.

Currently I'm reped by my brother. Oh, right. Yes. Is he the guy who, no, your roommate writes all the books about you? Bennett Quince. My roommate is. And he also is my brother, I found out. Oh, he's your brother as well.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Well, a lot. You know, I would love to talk to him someday on the, oh, maybe I have. I think you have a couple times. Okay. Never mind.

All right. Well, I remember that. I think dead ended about like this, as I recall. Yeah. Well, look, boobs. Boobes. We have to. You're talking to me?

Yeah. Boobs. No, yes. Okay, great. Would you think I was talking to you? I thought you were looking at your computer and you were just saying what you were looking at. No, no, no. I'm actually talking to you.

We do need to get to our final. Oh, in that case, penis. We do need to get to our final guest of the show here. Great. Can I stay? Yeah, please. No, boobs. We want you to stay.

Of course. I'd be thrilled to meet you, I'm sure. Okay, great. Can I stay? Seals, yeah, I would love for you to stay. Bill? Happy to, thank you, Scott. Okay.

I prefer to be asked, but okay. Well, yeah, I guess I'll just sit on your lap or out of chairs, but we'll be all right here. Sure, if you have to. Yeah. Okay. Let's get to them. They are the owners and proprietors of a certain website called Cooldickshues.com, as well as other auxiliary websites. Please welcome back to the show, Austin and Tony.

Thank you for having us. Hello. Hello. Hey. Take your helmet off. Oh, take my helmet off? Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Why do you have a helmet on? I just, we scootered. We scootered here. Oh, you know that.

Yeah, you know. Sorry, do you mind just giving us a couple minutes to check in with each other? Yeah. We just haven't gotten to you yet. I guess you could have before the show. But yeah, go ahead. Yeah, sure. I love you. I love you. We got this, dude. We got this, dude. It's not a big deal.

We're absolutely serious. We're strong. We're strong. We're absolutely serious. We're business. We're business. All right. One, two, three, you and me, baby. One, two, three. You and me, baby. Okay.

You guys good now? Yeah, we're good. We're locked in. What's up? What's up? How's it going? Good, good, good, good. Austin and Tony, you're a couple of high school.

We're not a couple of. No. Relax. Relax. What? That'd be insane. But you are two separate high school age gentlemen. Mm-hmm.

And you're still in high school? You're not graduating right now? It is May, May the fourth. Yes, actually, it's funny that you ask, we are graduating and we are now hoping to go to college. Okay, good. And when we have checked in with you in the past, you have various businesses, one of them being cool dickshoes.com, where you draw realistic to you, penises on tennis shoes. Yeah, yeah, photorealistic. Photo realistic in the sense of the size of them.

Exactly. And the flaccidness of them. It's not like in the Martin Moll way. Yes, exactly. Yeah. I don't know what that means, but yeah. Martin Mould, late actor, was also a photorealistic painter. Oh, that's right.

Meaning that he would paint things from memory or... He would paint things that looked like they were photographs of things. Oh, why. Is that like a TikTok guy? TikTok guy? TikTok guy. Who's he a TikTok guy? What's TikTok?

What's TikTok? What's TikTok? What's TikTok? What the hell? What's you? You don't know what TikTok is? You don't know what TikTok is? You know?

Oh, whoa, yeah, sure I do. To his credit seals is a 79-year-old man. I live in Nashville. And you're married to Ruby Jean Anderson. Of course. Ever since? Ever since 1970. So why would he know what?

Yeah, fuck you nailed it, Ruby Jean Anderson. Hell yeah, man, that's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. Congrats, I love you. Thanks, bro. I love to have a way. I just want to clarify, just in case boobs might have the same.

confusion. This isn't shoes for cool private eyes, who are sometimes called themselves. Yeah, boobs. I saw you your eyes lit up. That's what I was hoping. Cool dick shoes. For a private dick. Oh, yeah. No. Oh. Well, could be if you bought one. Yeah, do you want to buy any? Maybe you could. I mean,

if these are shoes for private eyes, I should buy them. Yeah. They can be shoes for private eyes, but actually. They are sneakers, by the way, and you sneak around when you're a private eyes. Oh, these quiet shoes. They're very quiet. They're super quiet. I'll take a pair. Exactly. All right. Okay, great. So that'll be a couple of years. Uh, and we'll get them to you. A couple of, did you say years?

Well, we have a, here's the thing is we're trying to, what's going on with you guys? We're trying to, we're trying to go cut the shit. Okay, you're right. No, no, no, no. Look at me. Don't look at them. Look at me. Okay, well, I'm locked in with the seal, man. I won't you look at me. You've looked at me. You're looking at the eyebrow. I can't. I have it. Now I'm stuck. Oh, God. Okay. Okay. Connect with me through the seal. Okay. They're staring straight ahead. Are they calling me one seal? You know his name is seals,

plural, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We just, we shorten everything. It's our generation. You guys are, this is the 17th year of this thing. You know, we're 17 years old. That's right. Were your parents having sex listening to this show?

Well, we have different parents and yes, they were. They were both having sex on, you know, those couches. With each other. With each other, yeah, yeah. Those are those couches that are like at the bottom of, it's like a square and then you go down into the couch. Resessed. What? Resessed couches.

Yeah, exactly. Sure. Like that. They're having sex like that. Okay. Cool. So, meaning they were taking the body positions of the couch? I don't care.

Yes, sir. That's what I mean. Oh, man. I want to have sex with you like one of those recessed couches. So tell me what's going on with your business because, I mean. Sorry, I took it your word. A backlog of two years or three years to get shoes to boobs over here. That's, I mean, that's too long.

Well, so here's the thing is we've been behind on production before. So this time, our thing is like follow through. I mean, if you could go to www.com. Sorry, well, a slightly different website. www. Cool dick shoes socks. So cool dick shoe socks. No s.

Yeah, there's just one S. This site doesn't support a secure connection? What? Maybe I shouldn't do the... Watch it, Scott. This is a trap. That really shouldn't be happening. Let me see. Cool dick shoes socks.

Singular shoe. Cool dick shoe socks. Shoes socks.com. Cool dick shoes. Okay, here we go. Because we just wanted to do something that we know we can make in production. Okay, so cool dick shoe socks. Wow, look at those.

Yeah. It's a, there's a picture of. socks that says socks are also shoes. Whoa, you're right. Right? Yeah, exactly. Dude, you get it. Seals get it.

Seals gets it. Dude, that's great. That's great. Seals get it. Seals get it. Seals get it. These are socks for people and seals. Because when you step outside and you're wearing socks, it's different than your toes being

on the ground, so it's kind of like a shoe at the same time. Yeah. But much easier to order. So this, I see a picture of just one white athletic sock with a tiny penis drawn on it. That is correct. Yeah. That's not tiny. Well, it's embroidered, and it's tiny on the sock, but it is large, energy-wise. He's a really easy to order.

I'm going to use that wine. Please only order one. That's just one. Wait, you just get one sock? You'll get a pair. You'll get a pair. Sorry, I just ordered 100 for my whole family. I figured I could get a bit of this.

We have eight in stock. I just got to that part of the website. This is we have eight in stock. Only order one per order. Per order, only order one. They're one size, man. Only order one sock per order. Again, just to clarify that one?

You've ordered 100. What do you get? I ordered 100, so what will I? You shouldn't be able to do that. That was your job, CFO. I know. I was a little stout. I'll be honest.

Hey, this also says order submitted successfully, and I have not placed an order. So that's proof that you can order. I just got a big skull and crossbones on my phone screen here right after I clicked a link. Oh, okay. Now, I scroll down a little more. A scroll down a little more, it says, we're actually doing it, we think.

Yes. Yeah. Because we, well, we partnered with, what was it, custom maker? Printful. Printful. Printful. Printful. Printful. We partnered with printful.

Okay. And so now we have socks that we will mail to people. Yep. Printful is a company that makes apparel? We partnered with this company. Yeah, they make apparel. We did a prototype where we embroidered a sock. It's not working for me.

I just subscribe to Kelsey Grammer's only fans. Oh, gee. Am I in the right side? No, I think you're an only fan. Oh, I am. Is that not where you said? No, yeah. Did you like me to take my shoes on?

All right. Oh, no, watch up for the end of that stage, Kelsey. Watch up for the edge of that stage, Kelsey. Whoa. Sorry, I accidentally linked to the wrong thing, dude. I mixed up my servers. There's a link to Kelsey Grammer's only fans on this website. Don't worry.

Don't worry. Don't worry. By the way, I've clicked on the About link, and there's pictures of both of you and it says who we are, we're two bros with the right idea about socks with dicks on them. And the right idea, I guess, is that socks. That they should have them on there. We are still in footwear, but now do socks, which are really close to shoes.

We want to be the first official duo college application. What does that mean? So we're applying to Boulder, Colorado as a duo. Yeah, we're going together. The key part of our application is that we got to take both of you. It's a duo. Got it. We want to be treated as one human.

So does that mean like only one tuition? Is that why you're doing it? Actually, we're actually not concerned about the money. No. That sort of usually just sort of works out for us. Yeah. Okay. Well, our dads are lawyers.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So. But I think it'll probably give us a two for one deal. Yeah, probably. That's what they do for writers in, in comedy rooms.

That's true. Yeah. Why do you guys want to do this? I mean, you are such great friends. Best friends. Sure, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intimate you weren't best friends. Oh, it's okay.

It's fine. Side question. Yeah. Mine says don't be a nerd. Does everybody say that? Yeah, yeah. You're Kelsey Grammar only fans? I'm back on the about page for cool dick shoe socks.com and it says don't be a nerd.

Is that just mine? And now off comes my blazer. That's just a friendly. I can't get the, I can't shut this window. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed. link to this. Kelsey thinks I'm giving him requests and I'm not.

It's just a friendly reminder. I still be a nerd. I have nothing in my shopping card. Can I add something? Add the cart. You can add a sock. We tested it this morning. Be careful.

I purchased a sock and it absolutely worked. Just be aware of that. $5 and now I can go to checkout. It absolutely did charge my credit card. So you're down to sand socks. Did it charge you for shipping? We've been wondering about that. It charged a dollar.

for shipping. A dollar. We're going to lose money, dude. No, wait, because the socks for like 300 bucks. How much are you paying for ship them? We don't know. We haven't gotten the socks. They're coming April 3rd or 4th. Or 5th. It's May 4th right now. The socks

aren't coming for another 11 months. Oh, no. They're going to get these little Oh, gosh. Well, I'm pretty sure I've purchased a sock. Okay, so there's 7 in stock. Yeah, there's 7. Okay.

Can I speak to Tony's photo. What? Tony. Can I speak to Tony's photo? Can I speak to... Not like literally to the photo like it's an AI. Can I speak to...

You can talk to Tony and Austin about the photo. Tony, would you argue... Are you trying to kind of be like coy and flirtatious in this photo? Or what's the vibe you're going for? Yeah, that was just something I sent to my girlfriend. The mirror is pretty filthy, Tony. Because the mirror is pretty filthy for like...

a promo photo. But I took a shower though. No, right. But it's like a flex. But the mirror didn't it looks like. But I took a shower though, though. Oh, this is so embarrassing. And then like when you're taking a screen grab of a photo, I would take it out of editing mode because it still says crop in the top right. So we can see that you were in editing mode.

To most reasons that I ever heard Bill Walton. I also see something that says you're now ready to sell physical merchandise. Oh, yeah. That's our proof. That's our proof. Yeah, because we, we, we are. That's not like a thing that was in the template that shouldn't be in there anymore. What?

How about you guys believe in two young white men? Hang on. How about that, you know? That's all I believe in. I'm trying. That speaks to me because once I was two young white men and we really made it happen. You used to be two men? Yeah, me and Crofts.

Oh, I thought that you and another seal combined. You forgot about Crofts again. Like together style. No. Allison Bree and Dave Franco style into one person. No, man. Or station style. Okay.

I apologize. I'm sorry. Station style. I said the wrong movie. What did you say the station agent? No, well, like the station agent where he splits in two at the end. Dude, don't let it haunt you on the drive home. I'm going to.

It's going to be a tough drive home. Okay, well good. Call up Napster. Oh, why did you have to mind? Send me to Lipson. I actually, I'd like to invest in this company. I think this is a great idea. And the only thing you're missing.

is scalability through like financial investment. Scale up, wait, okay, you're talking numbers? I'm a numbers guy. You're a numbers guy? Throw out three numbers. Okay, six, seven, uh, 69. Six seven, sixty-nine. Very funny.

Very funny. You've mugged you guys, bro. Got him mugged. I'm grubed. I'm grunted. You got mugged for old maxing. You got mocked. It's like I'm sitting next to two Jeff Ross is here, my worst nightmare.

Yeah. Except we're Tony and Austin. Right. No, I know. Got you there, Bill. Got you there, buddy. Just to clarify for everyone, what, I know that, that's who they are.

I mean... We're not too Jeff Rosses. No. Anyway, I do like your kind of energy. I don't know that we'd ever be in an office together if we work together because you've eviscerated me twice already. But I'd be willing to invest up to like $5 million in that business. What?

Up to. Up two. Okay. And a minimum. I guess I'd slide that Zillow thing all the way of $1,500. Oh, you kick it.

Sounds to me like you're investing $1,500. Well, I want to see what the pitch is. Okay, yeah. I'd like to do $1,500, but if it's worth the billion. Okay, you got Bill Walton on the line. Okay. Real and then. Okay, first of all, sorry for insults in you earlier.

It's water under the bridge. Okay, second of all, good, good. Is that a good thing? Yeah, you won't water under a bridge. otherwise their points. Oh yeah. Otherwise, what's Garfunkel gonna sing about? Yep. Good point.

Oats. Trying to do your guys thing. Oats. Garfunkel. You guys like references. Because you guys were talking, it's like an old band,

man, right? Right. Well, Garfunkel and Oates isn't an old man reference. No? It's like a millennial reference. So, well, that's an old man. So this is the pitch? Yeah, okay. Oh, shit. Right. Right. Right. Okay, so we did the chat.

Okay, so, okay, so what you, what you have here is a dynamic duo that has an artist. Oh, we're repitching from the beginning. That's good, yeah. What do you want to start? I'll start wherever you want to start. Start in the middle. Start in the middle. Five dollars a shoe.

If you could do it. What? We're starting in the middle of a sentence. Oh, in the middle of a sentence. Okay. If you could do it. So, so what we, we have socks that are, we bought wholesale. We bought some wholesale.

We probably spent $50 a sock. Yeah. A sock? Pretty much. Wow. A sock's fables? Well, because they're embroidered. We didn't want them screen printed.

Like, that's cheap. But like, these are just crew socks, right? Yeah, but they're specialized. I know, but I don't know. I think you guys got ripped off. What do you mean? Was it printful? Was it printful?

Was it printful where you got them embroidered? Yeah, well, we partnered with them. So we sent them the prototype. Did you go to even one other place to see what it would cost? Actually, we did. We went to custom ink.com and they actually said that it would take, uh, was it two weeks to get here?

And we were like, well, too long. But printful can do it in how long? 11 months, it sounds like. Oh, dude, I told you we gotta stop smoking and doing this stuff. Two weeks is less. I just ordered a sock. I need it. I need it in a week.

I need it for a case. For a case. I'm investigating a puppet show. I need a sock to infiltrate. No, no, no. Dude, you can't not use it on your phone. feet. I have to use it on my hand. Okay, I'll use it on my feet and I'll do the puppet with my feet.

Fine. Okay. Okay, fine. Deal. It's a puppet show. I have to be part of the puppet show to find out about the case. What's the show about? It's called Abbott Elementary. Wait, no, you're doing an episode of Abbott Elementary? Technically, I guess. I'm playing the part of a puppet puppeteer on this show called Abit Elementary. Didn't we talk about how you're a regular on that show?

I'm also a series regular, but that's when my face shows. When my face shows, I'm a new series regular in Abbott Elementary. That's great, man. You wouldn't know that because a part of my contract is to neural everybody's memory of me out of it. Right, right. Every time we watch it. But then I'm going to have a foot puppet in one of the episodes. And I got, and I don't have a sock yet.

Can you get this two boobs reits here? And this is tied into a case somehow? I assume that I got contracted to solve a case. No, you just got, you got cast on Abbott Elementary, I think. I don't, I'm, look, the point is I need the sock in a week. Where do you live? Because that's, we only have a dollar. Have you heard of a Hillhurst Avenue?

We can run down there. Yeah, we can have the scooter. It's so painful to get up here. Are you by? all time? Yeah, I'm in that I'm in that neighborhood yeah.

Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, that's our favorite restaurant. Yeah, we need it. Me at the flower shop, right on the corner. Oh, my God, the lady that works there. Holy smokes. Totally hot.

Really? I think I remember that person. Wait, you don't think that she's totally hot? I'm sure she's, I think she's attracted, but not two teenage boys. Are you kidding? Are you kidding?

You kidding. They're two teenage boys. They're attracted to anything. Boobes. Okay, you're right. Me just saying your name, they're looking at each other and laughing. Booboops. Can you imagine rinsing some boobs?

Rinsing boobs? Imagine it. You, every time this guy showers, he's rinsing boobs. Oh. Rinsing boobs rinsing boobs. Wait, that's the turn on for you guys? Yeah. Every time he showers.

He's a rinsic. I think you're saying he's looking. That's fine. That's fine, but you might be into men. I just want you to know that. That's what you're excited about. No. I don't know.

Yeah, you're getting aroused at the thought of him showering. It's boobs. It's boobs. What fascinates me about you too and why I want to work with you is you've got one sense of like positive gen alpha masculinity where you really connect with each other. We love each other. But then you've got the other thing that any teenage boy has to have, which is a deep fear of even a word implying that you're in a relationship with you. What the hell? What are you talking about you?

Why don't you chill? Why would we ever kiss each other? We're busy kissing pictures of the flower girl. She's just tuk-a-t-t-tok-tut-tut-tut-tot-tot-tttttttttttttttttttally. Yeah, whatever. Whatever, dude. Because iPhone comes with a Zoom for a reason. Also public space.

It's legal. It's legal. It's illegal. It's illegal. It's illegal. It's illegal. It's illegal. It is illegal.

It is illegal. It's all legal. Capital A. This is your expertise. That's absolutely right. It's 100% legal. I take pictures of people in Hill or Stavanyu all the time. Really?

Yeah. Sounds to me like you guys have a lot in common here. You think so? So far, you're Austin and Tony's only customer. Oh, I tell you. Well, and we have an... I put something in my card, I think, but I haven't pressed the trigger. You didn't make the mistake of hitting submit like boobs-weregrim.

Wait. Did you enter credit card in for? I did. Was it saved on your phone or you knew it off top of the dome? Off the top of my dome. Oh, I got a photographic memory just for my credit card. If I could keep a credit card long enough, I'd remember those. digits, buddy.

Also, you have an American Express black, it looks like, so. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. American Express sent it to me. I didn't even want it. Yeah. So, Scott, what, what? You and Seinfeld were.

Yes. Austin or Tony, whichever one you are. I'm tiny. You're Tony. Okay. What do you want to know, young child? Come closer. Are you running out of energy?

I'm a little tired, man. What's going on? Hit the vape, bro. Okay. All right. All right. Hit the vape and hit me with your question right after the vape. Okay.

Okay. Totally hot. Rings, rings, rings, smokes rings. Yes. By the way, not at all for anyone listening. Absolutely. Yeah, no, they're pretending. It's just about saying it, bro.

What's the flavor of that one? It smells like stew. Yeah, it's stew. It's more like a guy named stew. Cary ginger. Yeah, stew. Carrot ginger stew. All right, what do you want to know?

I want to know, because you said you had your credit card that are typed in. So I want to know what holds you back from press and send. I didn't want the item. It's a tough hill Tough ill That's not a problem You told me to go to this website And poke around which I did

But then I really don't care to actually Pull the trigger on Is it because you're afraid Because we've had people in the past You're afraid that they wouldn't get here And it will You're sure it's but it's going to take

11 months to get to boobs over here It'll take 11 months But man you're probably going to want these socks It could What Could look Dude they're mocking I know I know

Yeah how's it feel to be mogged I don't know Muggers mug by myself I'm tired though Go easy like Hit the vape Hit the vape Hit the vape

Get that carrot ginger stuvaid I didn't I'm embarrassed myself Those flowers shop lady Stop it you did it No she likes that Do you think No yes she likes that

I'd be flattered by the bone Or that She would be Send her the picture of it Dude like I said Seriously? No, that's not what you want to be doing. I don't think you should do that.

I don't have her number. Could I just air drop it? Oh, yeah. Why don't you get her flowers? Oh, from her own shop. Wouldn't that be romantic? Oh, that's so romantic. If you make her pick out some flowers for you.

What are your best flowers? Ed. When you go to check out, say, Ed needs it for you. I'd say, don't hand those over here. Keep them right where they are, buddy. Because I got you those flowers. Dude, you're the fucking smooth.

this guy I've ever heard my life. Oh, really? I was kind of piggybacking on their bill. Yeah, it was kind of Bill Walton's idea. You can have that one. You can have that one. I'm so smoothed like picking back to it. Austin, that was fucking sick what you just saw.

Thank you, bro. Boom. Don't even hand those over. What's it called when you blow smoke into someone else's mouth? Oh, it's called... Why can't I remember why that's called? Powerhouse or something like that? Powerhouse.

Candy flip? Candy, no. Chimney? Chimney? Quiet storm. Well, whatever's... What'd you say? Desert story.

Nothing. Well, look, guys, I think that you have, I don't know that you have a future with this particular facet of your business, but it sounds to me like you're going to go do some creepy thing to the lady who runs the flower store. So at least we have that, right? Oh, what? Nothing, nothing. Just hit the vape again.

Unfortunately, we are running out of time, guys, on this 17th anniversary show. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plugs. Wow, wow, that was round bag rock by John Kelly. What was the difference with that in round ball rock? I don't know. Let's hear it again. I don't think so.

That just sounded like the song. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what they added to it. But thank you so much to John Kelly. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. You can upload your songs there as well as find all of the stems you'll need for your remixes for the closing the plugback theme. All right, guys, what do we plug in here? Seals.

Obviously, you have a brand new partnership with bean dip. That's right. But please do this in my back catalog of Seals and Crofts and also The Champs. But I'd also like to say I might just turn up at a show called Varietopia with Paul F. Tompkins that's being recorded at the Loddrum. This is going to be a special. This is a special. This will not be live stream. This will be recorded for later purchase.

Oh, my gosh. And when do you think that would happen? Well, I'll tell you. It will happen sometime this month in May. And you're about to find out when I drop this knowledge on you. Oh, man, I cannot wait for this. Because it's May 17th. There you go.

May 17. Yeah. And they may even have some crofts on the stage. Oh, boy. May. If they can find some. Yeah. May 17.

Fantastic. All right. Fantastic. And how do people access this and... Go to varietopia.com, of course, my fine fellow. Okay. Fuck you. Fuck you.

All right. Dan... What's your name? Bill Walton. Bill Walton. Well, I guess I would rather live on the moon. No, no. We're not playing Would You Rather.

I'm so sorry. My mistake. My mistake. What were we doing here? We're doing plugs. We're plugging your projects. Okay. Well, obviously there's Eat, Pray, Dunk on the Comedy Bang Bang World Network where Mark Rennie and I go across Los Angeles

tried to sell our entourage script. You ever go to Hillhurst? We have gone to Hillhurst, actually. We should go back and find out if my wife's cheating on me. I'm on it. On what, my wife? Hillhurst Avenue. I was going to say, you motherfucker. You're on Hillhurst Avenue. Okay, you should check out his wife

while you're on Hillhurst Avenue. First stop. You've got to check out that Really depressing bar the drawing room Sir, why not? Bring cash. Has a sign out front, proudly says Open 6 a.m. That's bleat stuff.

Yeah, have a couple of whiskeys at 6 a.m. at the drawing room, then go flirt with the flower lady. To be fair, you might be a nurse getting off a shift. Yep, that's a good point. Baby Jane Doe. What are you? Oh, okay, you're banging your pots and pans? Yeah, okay. Anything else you're plug in? I gotta go!

All right, all right. Boobes Rinse, what do you want to plug? Well, I want to plug Mustard Seed Cafe in Hillers Avenue. The Alcove Cafe is a great place if you want to sit outside. If you ever want to see Boobes Rince, he's probably hanging out in one of these places. Could be the Starbucks Reserve. Learning Lines. Starbucks Reserve up by Los Filles Boulevard has got great air conditioning.

There's a coat on the bathroom now, so you got to know that. Mm-hmm. Fuck. Sorry, Bill. Fuck. Does that impact your day? It impacts my cold. If you want to see live streamed improv comedy, there's a new YouTube channel called World's

Greatest Improv that has Will Hines and some friends doing improv now and then. So if you want to see some free live streamed improv and boy, who doesn't. Who doesn't want to see three cameras pointed out at a very small black box stage doing some pretty cool improv. That's World's Greatest Improv. You too. Fantastic. Austin and Tony, anything you want to plug? It didn't go well.

What'd you say? It just didn't go well The girl She sent back a laughing emoji Whatever Wait what did you send to I thought you were gonna actually Buy flowers to

What would you do? Nothing So we want to plug our friends' podcasts Okay great Yeah yeah Whatever you want to do The plugs are yours Anna and Isabella do improv

Just watch it Or listen anywhere Just watch it or listen anywhere Okay Yeah Yeah and also Thank you so much To who

To whom are you speaking? To you, sir. To you, sir. Sure. We realized we didn't come in here with utmost respect. We did not come in with even a gift at all. Yeah. Which is what my mom said we should do.

Not necessary. It is our 17th anniversary, but it's, yeah, no problem. We appreciate you. No problem. And we appreciate everybody in here putting such, such wonderful feet for longer. You can end it there. Thank you. Oh, that's so nice.

Thank you very much. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Appreciate you. Appreciate you. We appreciate you. Yeah. I want to plug, look, hey, we're going out on tour with Comedy Bang Bang here in just a few weeks in about three weeks here. Whoa.

Well, can you imagine such a thing? Tour. That takes me back, man. Yeah, to touring? Yeah. So you guys were touring just up to last year, right? Yeah, that's right. That's part of our year's active. Right. So we're starting, I believe, in Toronto. We're going to so many places all across this country, other countries. up there in Canada.

That's a great one. That's a great one. You want to head over to CBBWorld.com slash tour to get all the dates and to get tickets there. That'll be myself, a guy named Paul F. Tompkins at every episode. And then the comedy bang, bang, bang, all stars. Maybe you guys will show up. Swish! Soon, you'll get to hear Bill's famous catchphrase, swish.

Swish! I bet I show up after Obi-Ron Canobey. We'll see about that. So head over to CBBWorld.com slash tour. And while you're over there at CBB World, check out everything we have going on over there. We have the complete Comedy Bang Bang Archive, all ad-free. We have every single live episode we've ever done. We have shows like The Neighborhood Listen, the aforementioned Walton on Walton.

What's your show called? Eat Prey Dunk. F.K.A. Walton on Walton. We have definitely a show called Heinz Improv to meet you. So much stuff going on over there. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Close bag. Open bag

Close back Close back, close back, close that. Quite a fate out there. We might not be over. It isn't, actually. That was Close Bag Openbag by Benja Appel. Thank you so much to Benja Appel.

And speaking of thank you, I want to thank everyone here and everyone who showed up and actually left to really made the 17th anniversary something special. That includes you, Bill Walton, you boobs rinse,

you Austin and Tony, and honestly, even you, Seals. Hey, fuck you, but also congratulations. Hey, thanks, man. Maybe someday I'll get to that number of years that you were active with Seals and Crofts. But before we go, I'd love to hear what you have planned for the eulogy that you're going to offer to Crofts here. I mean, you're going straight from here to the funeral, right?

Yeah, yeah. And a lot of people don't want me to speak. Why is that? You are the person who would know him, maybe perhaps the best. It's true, but I do tend to freeze up when I have to talk. Oh, really? Really? He did all the stage banter.

Did he really? What were some of his band, like, some good banters? He'd say stuff like, how are y'all doing out there tonight? And you couldn't even offer that? I would be like, hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba. You have to step in. So this would happen every show you would try to do it? Every show I'd beg him, you just go first.

And he would say, no, you got to do this. And you never conquered that deal. Even back in the champs. Was it because you had a crush on somebody in the, audience and it was making you nervous? Everybody. Okay. I loved my audience.

You do. Even when it got time for me to sing tequila, I couldn't do it. Tut, tut, tut. So it sounds like you're not going to give this eulogy. I'm going to try.

You're going to try. I'll practice a little bit here. Okay. Let's hear. I'll say stuff like, de la beloved. We got to say goodbye to my man cross.

Nobody did it like him except me, but he did a little bit better in high heels of backward. And if anybody out there knows our song, Summer Breeze, sing it with us right now. That's not a bad idea. I mean, I think maybe a lot of us know at Austin and Tony. Have you ever heard Summer Breeze?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so let's sing it, yeah. Wait, it's your favorite? It's our favorite. It's our favorite. Yeah. Okay, let's, maybe just you guys should sing it then. Summer Breeze.

Summer Breeze. Summer Braise. Breeze me way. Some outbraids. It leaves me to hair. Honestly, kind of an improvement on... I mean, I liked it. I wouldn't go that far.

Okay. But I do like you incorporated the new singing style where everybody sounds like a Cajun baby. Speaking of Cajun babies, we'll see you next week. Thanks, bye.