Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - The Gun Is A Pie (Dan Mintz, Patty Guggenheim, Charlie McCracken)

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

Comedian Dan Mintz joins the first timers club as he talks about his new comedy special “Well Rounded Entertainer,” as well as overcoming his aversion to crowd work. Streetwise British presenter Ali G also makes his first appearance on the show! And soap opera star Suzanne Gucci recounts the challenges of being a child actor and pitching to Netflix. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sla-N-D-Bang-Bang, Comedy Bang, Comedy Bang, Comedy Bang, Comedy Bang, Comedy, Bang, Comedy, Bang, Comedy, Bang, Comedy, Bang. Slapped my ass and call me Sally, then grab my ass and call me Pally. bang, Hmm, okay. Thank you very much for those wise words, Cardi Party, and that catchphrase submission.

Unfortunately, not going to stick, but we thank you for your service, Cardi Party. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang Indeed for another week. We're getting so, so close to that

1,000 episode benchmark. I believe we're in the 970s or 980s at this point. Incredible stuff. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have an

exceptional show for you coming up a little later. We have now that we, stars are back. I've said it before. I'll say it again. The stars are out tonight and they are here on Comedy Bang Bang. We have Allie G will be on the show coming up a little later. That is incredible.

We also have a soap star coming up. I mean, if you only listen to one episode of Comedy Bang Bang, I understand. All right. Well, let's get to our guest of honor, though. Our first guest, he is a stand-up comedian of note. He is a person, a human being. Mm-hmm. He is not an alien.

Yeah. Not a monster, not a monster's ink type. Who's crossed over into our world via the doors. You know what I'm talking about, these doors? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't think I'm any kind of monster, but. Yeah, not an incorporated one. Do you have an LLC?

I'll see a monster. Doing business as a monster. Yes, exactly. He is a wonderful stand-of-comedian who has a new special out, which we're going to talk about, called Well-Rounded Entertainer. He also plays Tina Belcher on the television program, Bob's Burgers. Please welcome to the esteemed first-timers club, Dan Mintz. Thank you for having me. My pleasure.

Hello, Dan. Hi. Now, Dan, we, full disclosure, we have a previous prior relationship. Do we not? Prior to this podcast. I think we need to let the audience know. So that's why I'm going to treat you with kid gloves today. We have known each other for, I think, a quarter of a century?

Is that possible? I think you and BJ Porter gave me my first break right after I moved to L.A. And you moved here in 2001 or 2002? 2002. Okay. So, yeah, so 24 years, 24 and a half maybe even. Yeah. Yeah.

And we've known each other a long time. You were one of my favorite comedians. Oh, thank you. Still are, although there have been a lot of newcomers to the scene that have popped up, you know? Yeah, yeah. I've got to get back out there. But one of my faves, and you worked on a television program that I was working on, or a pilot, I guess, as you call it, back in 2002. And then you rocketed to fame.

Since then, being on this Bob's Berger show, does that pretty much encapsulate our relationship? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I think you, like, I met you guys right when I first moved to L.A. at that Westwood, Bruko, open mic. And right after that, you guys started what was then just called Embar. That became kind of the hottest show in town. Comedy Death Ray, and you were on that a lot. And then, and a friendship ensued. And we, uh, would you say we had a friendship or, uh, we were work colleagues?

Oh, I would say friendship. Mm, great. Yeah. At that point. At that point. Now it slipped into, we haven't seen each other in a while. Um, and I've, I've, I've, I've begged you repeatedly to be on this program. And you said, one time, but yeah.

I don't do podcasts. I will not do podcasts. I will never do a podcast. And yet, suddenly you have this stand-up special. Rounded Entertainer, which is on YouTube right now. And you're on doing this podcast. Are the two related? Yes. I, you know, if I had known how long podcasts would be a thing, I would have started doing them a lot earlier. I think you were like, oh, this is a fad and I don't want to say yes to this annoying thing that. Yeah, I mean, I'm a little bit, you know, I'm a little bit shy. I'm not like an

improv crowdwork comic. So it never seemed like the ideal place for me. But so I just hoping I'd like quickly go away like most fads. Like what are the other fads that quickly go away? I'm thinking bell bottom jeans. What about apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur? Yeah, I finally had to start wearing all those things because I just realized they're never going away. I mean like, you know, first it was like MySpace.

It was like, oh, now MySpace is the way to get big as a comic. And by the time I finally got on my space, it was done. Who was in your top eight? In my top eight? Oh, I mean, I guess who's the guy everyone had? Oh, Tom? Space Tom? Yeah.

Space Tom? Did you think he was from outer space? Do you think he was turning around because he was like just about to approach lift off? I have no idea. I don't even know if I got up to eight by the time. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

But you're a shy insular. gentleman. Yeah. And your style of stand-up comedian is sort of how would you describe it? Because I don't want to insult you. It's shy and insular. I do. Yeah. I mean, I'm very, I get, you know, I've always been nervous on stage and I kind of like, the way I tensed up the first time I got on stage is what I do all the time. Do you find yourself, you know, because you're stiff. Yeah. And, and, and intentionally awkward. Do you find yourself having to do that now as an act, or are you still, like, kind of stiff anytime you come out?

No, I mean, I do feel like if I get too comfortable, it's not a good thing, and I'm not. I need to kind of make myself be nervous for real. Are you ever like, oh, man, I'm going to kill it on this show. Oh, wait, I forgot. I got to be nervous. Yeah, and it's like an infinite back and forth. Do you imagine everyone with their clothes on?

I imagine people wearing extra clothes, like winter clothes, to really bring up. Yes, you, and you, your joke style is sort of one-liner, is that a way to describe it? Or do you bristle at that description? No, it definitely makes sense. Yeah, that's pretty much all what I do. No. You mentioned you don't do any crowd work, but what if there was someone in the front? Road who looked really fucking weird.

I eventually, after, you know, 20, whatever years, I kind of had to start doing some crowdwork. Just to fill out that. Just to, yeah. The hour, I would imagine. Acknowledge when something happens. But I still am like, it was, I've always been so terrified of being like, oh, what, what do you do for work?

And they say whatever. And then I'm just have nothing. And I just. Yeah, because what, I mean, what would you, okay, let's, let's practice this. No, that's my worst nightmare. Okay. What do you do for work, sir? I'm a data process. Well, you're not, I mean, you're a podcaster, comedian, producer.

Oh, I guess I was a lot. Yes, I'm a podcaster, comedian. Actually, I gave you your first job. Yeah. Well, thank you, sir, for doing my first job. It's, it was my pleasure. You did a great job. See, this is good, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're thinking on your feet. I love it. So you had to start doing it. Has it ever backfired on you where you're just like, oh, I got nothing for you. But I mean, I feel like you can just wriggle your way out of anything, right? Well, I actually, the first time I had to do do crowdwork, I had just, my half hour special had just aired. And I felt like, oh, and I had to do the show. I had to do like, do like 30 minutes or something. I was like, I don't want to do all the material

that everyone saw on my half hour special for every single person in the world watch. But I, yeah, I was like, well, I don't, I have to do some of those. And then I had, I had a bit I did on the half hour special where I said, oh, can I get a volunteer from the audience and waited for someone to come up and I just said, could you get me more water? And they gave them water and they had to go, get me it. And then, and I did that bit and this was at a college and this girl came up

and then I was just like, and she's like, oh, I just saw your special. And I was like, oh, I can't do any of my jokes. But I did just call you up in front of everyone. I have to do something. So I said, what's your major? And then she said, I forget whatever it was. I remember just before the show, this was an engineering school. And I had just been talking to the kids and they're like, oh, people that can't really hack an engineering do this one whatever communications major.

And that was her major. And I said, oh, that's, oh, this is a dumb major. And just everyone died. And I was like, this is all that crowdwork is. Because you have to know that someone's major is the dumb major. Yeah. Not drum major. That's totally different thing. Yeah, that would have been bad. I'm glad you're going to band camp and doing sets there. So yeah, I mean, that's all it is is just kind of talking to people and yeah. And I realize it's not necessarily the hard. I mean, I won't actually say what's, what, where are you from, what is your dog? But something will always happen. Someone will say something and I comment on it. And it's always the, the bar is so low that it's usually works. It sometimes can be, I think, for comedians a, it feels like a, it feels like a. insurmountable wall of, oh, no, what if, you know, especially comedians who rely on such great material like you of like, oh, what if my crowdwork isn't as funny as my material or whatever?

But then once you start doing it, it seems like, oh, this is actually really easy. And I'm a genuinely, I'm a naturally funny person who can talk to people. And then it becomes, like, for a lot of comedians, it becomes the only thing they want to do. Yeah. I wouldn't say it's the only thing I want to do. But definitely it is, when it goes well, it's usually like the most fun for me part of the set.

That's great. And you, I mean, you, you have to pat out your, your hour somehow because you, you, you must burn through so much material. This special that, uh, I just watched, well-rounded entertainer, which is on YouTube right now, it's, uh, 45 minutes. Mm-hmm. And you must have, how, did you count how many actual jokes you have in it? There must be at least 50. Well, there's, I mean, there's like a hundred and, um, 40 or 50, I don't know, something like that.

150 jokes. I don't remember exactly. Because they're all like 20 seconds apiece? Yeah, it's like three to four a minute. It's just an incredible like volume of material because of your style. Yeah. Which are usually like around one sentence, no tags. Yeah. You know, it's just like, how long does it take you to write an hour?

Does it take you still just like the normal year or whatever? Or does it take you like 20 years? I mean, yeah, closer to 20, but part of that's because I'll go a long time not doing stand-up and not even thinking about it. Just living on the Bob's Berger's money. Well, ideally, I'm trying to write something, but, you know, that doesn't ever happen. But at least I'm trying to do something productive. But, but yeah, so, you know, it was like I started doing stand-up in 99, and my album came out in 2014, and now this is coming on 20-26. Right.

So a decade plus for each thing, yeah. Yeah, if I really spend every day doing it, it'd still take a while, but probably, like, a few years. Speaking of Bob's burgers, we had Eugene on the show about a month and a half ago, two months or so after his accident. How did you hear about that? Did you think the gravy train was pulling into the station? I mean, uh-oh. I did, well, I heard, luckily I heard before it got on the name. news, a couple hours of four. Holly, uh, text means like, just so you know, um, because I'm always

out of the loop on everything that happens, but just so you know, like on everything that happens of in the world or? Yeah, but specifically on Bosburgers and what happens people, but, um, she said, just so you know, you know, Eugene got in an accident. He's okay. He's in the hospital because of some broken bones. Um, and, you know, I reached out and I didn't expect response, you know, obviously, but, um, and then two hours later, I see everyone starts text to me. Is the Gene O'K? And like on the news, like TMZ or something,

the way they described was way worse. Because I guess, I mean, you probably know more than me if you had him on your show, but he got... Yeah, just go back and listen to that episode. Yeah. But I asked him about this,

but is there a line of succession? Like, if he were to be gone, would you move up into Gene and someone else would go into... That's a great question. That's a great question. Can you do a Gene voice? I can,

only do the voice that you're doing right now i wonder if people are listening imagining tina saying all this stuff right now because we all know your i mean i know you personally so when i watch bob's burgers i imagine you doing the voice in a in a soundproof booth yeah with cans on and that's how i like to watch bob's burgers is imagining all these people that i know are recording it um but uh other other people when they hear your voice just automatically hear hear tina right is it tina yeah Tina yeah i'm a big fan. Appreciate it. Yeah, it is.

I mean, people say that when they see me do stand-up, they can only picture Tina. Really? Doing a stand-up, which I don't know if that's good or bad. I'm thinking to assume it's good, I think. Well, now they can picture you, but in a unique way, which I want to talk about, because your new special well-rounded entertainer is out on YouTube now. But there's, now, we've all seen stand-up specials. You know, Richard Pryor live at the Sunset Strip, right?

Is that what he called it? I don't know. That sounds right. It's like chicken strips and now Sunset Strip? I don't know. But, you know, we've seen all these. Yours is a little bit different. Tell us what this major difference is.

I mean, the main thing would be that it's animated. And I should say, you know, Tignitaro did an animated special. She did. So mine would be the second animated comedy special of all time. Okay. Very similar to hers. It's pretty, I mean, I feel like it's pretty different. I did a different thing with the animation because she did, you know, animated.

You actually see the stories play out. Oh, I see. It's really, really great special you should watch it. And then that didn't seem like right for one-liners. So you just kind of see me telling the jokes, but then I start doing kind of like conceptual things using animation. And the jokes are different than her special as well? I chose to use the same jokes as her. but I said every sentence is going to be just one line I did yes I did condense it down to one line

okay good and I um yes so I I I watch this and it's is it done by the Bob's Berger's people or it's yeah it's done by Benobox right yeah so it's it's similar in animation style but it's you as you not as Tina yeah you come out and it's the crowd is animated the stage is animated you're animated and it's using the audio from you recording your actual special. Yeah. And then for a while it's just a typical animated special, but then certain jokes, things start to happen. Yeah. You know, I love the idea on a meta level of doing nothing but having just a stand-up show animated and you're, so there's no reason of animation.

Everyone said that was a terrible idea. So I started to, I was like, okay, I'll actually think of ways to use. Why did you want to do it in the first place? You know, I was, it was my friend, Dan Levy, I don't know, he just suggested it just because I was on Buzz Burgers and it just seemed almost as like a branding thing. Like that's what I'm known as, which isn't. So it wasn't anything about like, I don't want people to look at my terrible body. That was part of it. Yeah.

I mean, you know, that wasn't, I don't, it didn't think like a brand thing was enough of reason to do it. But I also started, you know, I always like, the first. stand tape or just an album. I like the fact that like people couldn't like see me doing it. I always feel like, I mean, I hate watching myself and I also just feel like, you know, a lot of time, my favorite way to kind of consume specials as like audio is like an album and I always feel like a lot of time I don't know why I'm watching, you know, the same kind of image for the whole time. And I thought, you know, it's not like these things are like amazingly filmic or anything like that, you know. I mean, some people can figure out some really kind of ways to make it look cool.

But it's a challenge. And, you know, especially for me, you know, seeing how when I've done like TV spots, how it's directed and how it's a challenge to like, you know, to, it's pretty much like for five minutes. Three angles. There's a close up, a mid, and a full body. And for me, you know, as a fairly still, you know, low energy opinion to see that for a whole, you know, intentionally. For a whole 45 minutes, you know, it's hard to, like, where would that energy come from and stuff?

And so, so I just loved that, like, animation gave so much more freedom to make everything look the way I wanted to look. Right. Well, it's very cool. You know, the first line I was hooked in, I was like, Dan is back. It's taken over a decade, but he is back. And just a wonderfully well-written special. and, you know, I would say well-performed, but, I mean, it is for what you do. It's not, yeah, it's for, I didn't, it's not ambitious in terms of my performance. Right. It's ambitious in the execution of everything that you did with it, which is very, very cool. Thank you. And it's out right now. And what else is going on in Dan Minceland?

Not much. You know, I, I've been, you know, I, you know, I, I, am always trying to like make something. I kind of had bad timing where I decided at one point like... At one point you were writing that Twin Towers television show right, back in 2000? In 2000? Yeah.

People are working on the Twin Towers. You have every, all the different kind of class of... Yeah, all the food court people. Every week's a different floor. Yes, yes. And they all, but um, uh, no, I mean, I was like, I was writing on a bunch of different shows for a long time. I've, you know, I've run on your pilot.

Mm-hmm. That was my first writing job, actually. That's right. Did it make you fall in love with the written word? It did. I think so. That was when I, that was my... Fade in.

Does that sound familiar? That was our meat cute, me and the written word. But eventually I was like, okay, I feel like I'm making enough from Pazberg, because I don't have to, like, write for other people's shows anymore. I can just make my own thing. And then that was, like, right when, like, COVID happened. And then there's one disruption after another. And I was like, if I just, like, five years before that, like, everyone was being given a Netflix show.

And I just wasn't trying to do it. Now when I'm actually like, okay, I have the time to just make my own thing. It's got a lot harder. But, you know, I'll keep trying. Yeah, man, everyone had their own Netflix show for a while. The Stranger Things Kids. Mm-hmm. Others.

Well, that's great. I mean, I would love to see something from the demented mind of Dan Mintz. Most of the words or the letters in demented are in Dan Mintz. Isn't that true? That's why my parents named me that is an anagram. Weirdly, the one that's not in Dan Mince is E. Well, Daniel Mence is my... Okay.

So I was more right than I even knew. Well, that's great. I hope to see something from you out there. Would it be animated? Would it be live action? You don't want to give up the... Yeah, I don't want to spoil that whether it's animated or live action. What if it's both?

What if the character's heads are animated, but their bodies are live action? Oh, that is what it. Or the reverse, the reverse. That is what I'm doing. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil it. To reveal it, like, right before air. I'm so sorry.

I'm just guessing. I didn't. It's a dumb idea. I won't do it. I'm not. I won't do it now. I don't have spies looking into your computer or anything like that. I just guessed.

It was just. No, it's a good guess. I don't have wires. Your phones tapped or your houses. you were on our street that one time. Yes, I did see you on. You said you were looking at a house to buy. This is probably it's got to be 12 years or so ago.

I saw you on your street, and I was looking at your next door neighbor's house. Was that right? No, yeah. Another couple down. Three doors down? Three to five maybe. And it was an incredible meeting. Yeah, I think it's the last time we saw each other

I think it might have been I've seen your wife was on the Comedy Bang Bang TV show a couple of times Oh, that's right, yeah, yeah So, or maybe that was before that meeting though But that, yes, we haven't seen each other In a long time. How do you think it's going?

The house? No, the you and me meeting. I tend to, you know, keep to myself. I have a lot of friends that there's a long time between our meetings. Yeah, so it's not. Oh, you're saying how is the meeting? How are you and I's relationship?

Jim, how is this going? It's great. There's a lot of pressure because it's on the air. Yeah, it would be a lot easier if it was just you and me talking at a, you know, at a shoe shop or something,

you know, while we're getting our feet sized, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, that's just so much small talk right there. That's right. Hey, what size you got? But these are great microphones.

I thought. Thank you very much. All right, Dan Minz is here. You've run out. No wonder you don't want to do a podcast. You ran out of it. of stuff. You're talking about the microphones, Dan. I don't know. They're good. They're high quality. They're pretty good. They are good microphones. Well, well-rounded entertainer is out on YouTube.

Now, people can just go on YouTube.com, I would imagine, and just look up Dan Mintz or if you look up well-rounded, I wonder what would come up. Yeah, it might be one of the top five for those. All right. Well, well-rounded entertainer is on YouTube right now. We have to take a break. Are you excited about Allie G being here? I'm so excited. Is he like a big influence? Yeah, this is an incredible show. I don't know when he's coming out, but yeah. He's coming out after the break. This is really incredible.

I mean, what's your favorite L.E. interview? Probably the one with the like computer guys where he's like, you know what I'm talking about? The computer guys who are like with the computers. He keeps trying to challenge him to like, could a computer even solve this? And it's like more and more. It's like more and more digits. You got to ask him about that. Yeah, I definitely lost.

Okay, that's going to be awesome. Okay, all right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, Allie G is here. Plus, we have a soap star coming up. This is an incredible episode. We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, Dan Mince is here. The television special, do you call it a television special?

I guess it's a stand-up special, but YouTube is kind of like television, isn't it? Kind of. You can watch it. on the television. You can either cast it or you can get the YouTube app on certain Apple TV obviously. Roku. Yeah. That's an exciting way to watch it, right?

Fire stick, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, it's out right now, well-rounded entertainer. It's on YouTube. And look, why are we waiting? This is exciting. I'm so excited. We've been watching clips this entire break of our favorite interviews, and he's here

right now. He's out in the hallway and our producer's going to let him in. This is so exciting. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time on the show, entering the one-timers club, Ali G is here. Come on in, Allie G. Sorry to disappoint you, Scott. I'm sorry. Are you the person letting Ali G in?

No, I'm the person pretending to be Allie G. I thought we should meet face to face. My name is Albert Gans. Wait, I mean, that's ringing a bell, but you're not Can I just let me establish this first. Allie G is not here, the interviewer. The interviewer is a clue to my identity. You're Albert Gans.

You just told me that. Right. It was a clue that you could have looked at before and figured out that I wasn't. Allie G. Why would I think Allie G isn't coming when we have... We have comedians on this show all the time. It's got most of the letters of my name. Albert Gans.

There's no I in Albert Gans. No. Unlike his Dan. Mince thing. But there's an E and the I sounds like an E. And I took out the BRT. God damn it. So Allie G's not coming?

No, never. We've been watching these clips for, never? He's not even a real person. This is why I agreed to be on this episode. Yeah. To meet Allie G. Well, that's why I chose it as well. I knew it greased the wheels of the door.

Okay. All right. I'm sorry, Dan. L.EG's not going to be here. I guess this guy Albert Gans is here. Do you do like pranks? Yeah, do you do fake interviews or anything like that? Not as part of this.

this. Can you do one on us? Do you want to try to interview us maybe or anything like that? We were really looking forward to Ali G being here and doing some of his funny stuff. I'm not even familiar with this work. You don't know. Oh my God. Do you want me to, should we take another break and watch some clips? Yeah, I feel like if you watched a few minutes, you'd be able to do it. Let's pause for just one second. We'll show you some clips, okay? And we're back. Oh my God. We're those, I mean, those were legitimately funny. I see why you were disappointed. So this is kind of a mean thing to do to us to get our hopes up about. It's been a mean thing that you've been doing to me.

What are you talking about, Mr. Gans? You've been persecuting me. I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Gans. You and your partner, your buddy, your pal, your friend. Dan? Jack Cates. Jack Cates. Jack Cates. Who's Jack Cates again?

Jack Cates is... He's a San Francisco police inspector that's been chasing me because I have his gun. He just took out a gun and put it on the table silently. That's right. You put it down so gently. It didn't make any sound at all. I would expect you to take out a gun. I would go clonk or something like that on the table.

You didn't see with my other hand I rolled out a little square of velvet. Is that how the silencer is? That's what I call a silencer for setting my gun on tables. Oh, okay. This is sort of ringing a bell. Yeah. Occasionally we have a guest on. Look, I do a lot of shows.

I do a lot of episodes. He's not on every episode. He's been on like four or five. five times. What was his name? Jack Cates? That's right. Inspector, Jack Cates. Oh, wait, that's why your name rings so many bells, because we've been looking for a guy named Gans. That's right.

That's right. Okay, and you're, you're saying your Gans? I'm Albert Gans. Oh, okay. And I'm coming here to confront you. Okay, well, I mean, have that, my man. Whatever you need to do. All right, you and I are going to sit here with this gun until Jack gets here. And then we're going to end this. Jack is coming here?

Did you invite him or do you think he's just... He's always hanging around. He's not always hanging around. He's like on every six months or something. Oh, well, how long since the last time he was on? Gosh, you're going to make me go to the wiki. Let's see. Jack, Kate, Comedy, Bang, Bang.

Okay, let's take a look. He's been on four times. It's only been on four times. This is that important to you? Let me see. The last time he was on was November. Oh, right. That's right after he murdered my whole family.

Is that what we talked about? That's right. He came to my family reunion and he murdered everybody. Oh, were we on our way during that episode? I can't remember. Did we actually go to it? You connected him to Megan Gans, the comedy writer. Right.

And then he found out that he was actually a Gans himself. He's my long-lost brother. That's right. This is with Kumail or Kumil Nangiani? Or is that the episode of... I wasn't there. Oh, it sounds to me like you listen to it. I just, oh, I guess I just remember when my family was murdered.

Look, I'm saying this guy's barely honed. I couldn't even remember your name. I don't think that we have any kind of beef here. Like, if they were to make a season three of beef about us, I think the ratings would drop even more precipitously than it has between seasons one and two. Wow. Did you read that article about Netflix shows and their seasons in between seasons, how far the ratings dropped, Dan?

No, that makes sense, though. Yeah, if you're creating something... They wait too long with one episode. They wait too long between episodes, and then they also drop all of their episodes at the same time, meaning there's no momentum for people to watch it every single week. I also brought these bullets.

You have a separate piece of satin for the bullets for each bullet? I have a piece of velvet for the gun and satin for the bullets. That's right. Little tiny squares of satin, and you set them all out. How many bullets are there right there? It was a loose handful of bullets.

That's right. So there's got to be 32. Anyway, so you have 32? It's good to know. I do. All right. Dan, do you want to hear about this guy's whole thing?

For the tone of your voice, maybe I don't. I'm just still disappointed Allie G isn't here. Yeah. I mean, it's not a real guy. If we let you tell us, will you do one Alley G type interview with us? I mean, I guess I can try. Okay.

Okay. All right. All right. So tell us a little bit about yourself, and then at a certain point, we'll pause you and we'll do the L.EG thing. I was raised in a gang. Why, you didn't have parents? I did have parents, but they, if you've turned you over to the gang? They, once they, they abandoned us.

Oh, in the supermarket or something? They abandoned my oldest brother first, and then they abandoned myself and my brother, William Cherry Gans. Right. I think his name's Richard. Right. There's been a long time from both of us. So I made a life for myself on the streets of New York. Streets in New York.

Okay. Now let's pause and you'll ask your first Ali G-style question. Oh, boy. Hey, brov. Who am I asking? Dan. Yeah. Dan's more famous out of the two of us.

Well, I don't really think. I mean, you're on network TV, you know what I mean? This is to my voice, not my face. What would you name a cat, brov? What would I, um, what would I name a cat? Like, I like to do, like, human names for, I like that. So, like, Peter or Jason or something. Great. Is that it?

I mean, I guess. Have you ever, have you ever, have you ever seen an All-EG interview that talks about cat names? No, it's usually, you're trying, you're trying to kind of get the, like, ask, get inappropriate, weird questions where the guest is not sure. They still think it's a real interview, so they, they still. day around. Yeah, they're either insulted or it's trying to get them to admit something that... I thought he'd name the cat a dirty name. Oh. Maybe you should try that.

Let's do another take. All right, brov. What would you name a cat? Uh, fuck. Ha-ha. Righteous. All right. Do the snap thing, though. Oh, I don't...

I'm not really familiar with that. He does it. He's like... With his fingers. It's like... Like he's packing a tin of chew? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I could never do that. You know what? I'm satisfied. fine. I feel like that itch has been scratched. Really? I think I feel like I've met the real allergy. Okay. All right. You can continue with your tale of woe. My gang was called the Warriors.

Hmm. Like the movie. Yeah. That's the story of my gang. Oh, the Warriors movie was based on your actual gang? That's right. Oh, my gang name was Ajax. We never wore shirts. Oh, I didn't know it was a biopic. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. So you never wore shirts. Why are you wearing one right now? That was a folly of my youth. I've grown up.

I put away my childers things. You're wearing an Aloha shirt right now. Yes. And allay. I'm chill. Back from the islands? I'm blending in as a tourist. I was wondering what that gigantic camera with the big flash was.

That's right. The 1940s flash? Yeah, it's a Nikon. Okay. Anyway, go ahead. After that. You seem confused like... That was my hard...

That was a hard life. We almost got killed by the other gangs in New York City. We had to fight to survive. Sure, I saw the whole thing. You were jumping on subways and, yeah. There was the big gang meeting in the park. That's right. Yeah, yeah, I saw it.

Why are you here again? I'm here to settle things once and for all between you, me, and Jack Cates. You think he'll turn up? I don't know. Sooner or later. And then what are we going to do when he does? Resolve this. One way or the other.

What's the one way and then what's the other? The one way is I give him his gun back and all these bullets and we go on our way. Yes. I've not used his gun. It's not mine. So wait, not only did you steal his gun, you stole a big handful of bullets from him? That's right. I'm not sure he even noticed. I took his gun out of his hand. I dipped into his pocket. I got a light touch. Is that a velvet pad yours? Or did he still that? No, I got that for this. Oh, okay. Would you give him the pad too? I mean, you have no use for it.

I mean, I suppose. It depends on how cool he is. Okay. So if you just, like, best case scenario for you. You give him his gun back, you give him his bullets back. Maybe if he's cool, you give him the velvet pad back and maybe even the little squares of satin. Sure. And then what? Just. I'm going to disappear.

Okay. I'm going to go back to the life I'm starting for myself. I'm teaching a little kid how to be a murderer. Oh. God, we should have talked about that earlier. That seems really interesting. Who's the little kid? He's a boy I adopted.

Is it like Dexter? What's that? Like Dexter, he says. That's what it is. Yeah. They base that on me. Yeah. They based Dexter on you?

Right. Not Dexter. Dexter is based on my son. Oh, I see. Okay. But he's still a boy. You haven't taught me. My son's a boy.

Right. Okay. So they based the show Dexter about an adult serial killer on your little boy right now. And the code that I'm teaching him. So it's just them extrapolating what your little kid would grow up to be like? Correct. Like, he's not going to kill John. John Lithgow and, uh, who's that guy who played Victor Sifuentes?

How the hell should I know? On LA law. Do you remember all of L.A. Oh, wait, Jimmy Smiths? Yeah, Jimmy Smith. Is Jimmy Smiths and Dexter? Not all the time, because he gets got. Oh, okay.

I don't, I mean, I got to watch this show, apparently. I haven't seen the last season, but. Yeah. And then Dexter New Blood, have you seen this? No, I got a lot to catch up on. Oh, yeah. Why? What are you watching right now?

Which Dexter are you on? The Widows Bay. Oh, you're on Widows Bay, not Dexter. That's not, I mean, that's Dexter adjacent, definitely. Yeah, it's kind of dexterate, but. It's in the murder universe. Okay, so that's best case scenario. Was he looking for you?

I don't recall. Jack Cates, the police inspector from San Francisco. Was he looking at you because of certain crimes you committed and then you stole his gun? Or was it just you stole his gun? And that's why he wanted to find you. He was trying to arrest me for stealing some payroll money. Oh, okay. And in the scuffle, I stole his gun.

Got it, got it, got it. And you say you're reformed. Did you give the payroll money back? To the economy. You mean you spent it? Yes. On goods and services? Absolutely.

Some of it I gave away as gifts. To who? Your friends? Settled my debts? Yes. Settled your, that's not gifts settling your debts. Those are two separate items on the list. Okay.

Well, look, I, you know, I think you're still going to want to arrest you, honestly. Well, that's the word. First case scenario. Worst case scenario is he's not cool about the gun. Right. And also wants to arrest you. Correct. Yeah.

And also, like, a nuclear bomb goes off and everyone dies. And don't have a plan for that. So, so, yeah, I mean, what if he wants to arrest you? What are you going to do? I'm going to shoot him with this gun. And you. Your gun doesn't have any bullets in it currently. Like, you're going to have to put at least one in there.

Oh, no. Jack's gun doesn't have any bullets in it. Wait, you have a separate gun. gun? Oh yeah. So you're like a two-gun guy right now? Yeah, it's hidden in the room. Why did you, wait, you hid your gun in my room right now? Yes.

You know that he has kids. Yeah, I've won. It's up high. What? You can't just say it's a pie. I don't know what that means. The gun's up high. Oh, oh, oh.

In a pie. Oh, it's cooling on the windowsill right now. Oh, okay. Well, you shouldn't have told me where your gut is. I'm going to go get it. Okay, I got the gun. All right, now I have the drop on you. All right, well, I loaded this gun while you were gone.

God damn it. Wait, what happened to your other kid? What do you mean? I only have one. Last time you had two. Last time what? The last time we talked. Twelve years ago, I had zero.

You had two. Oh, okay. I just remembered it was an even number. Dan's been Mandela. Zero is definitely an even number, I guess. This is how you found out. All right, so we both have loaded guns pointed right at each other. Right.

And, you know, I guess there's no way to gain any sort of advantage over each other. So let's just set these down. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. You need some velvet. Yeah, do you have any on you? Yeah, just use my sleeve. Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, you're wearing the fanciest shirt I've ever seen.

All right, let me put it down and... That is a plush shirt. Okay, there, it's down. Okay, wait, you didn't put yours down. Sucker. God damn it. All right, now you have the drop on me again. All right.

Now let's just chill out and cool until Jack gets here. I don't think he's coming, dude. At least not. And I have stuff to do today. Do it. I can do everything I'm going to do. This isn't necessarily a nefarious situation. It could turn out great.

I could be a pleasant guest. Okay, so wait, you're just going to live here while I go about my business? Yeah. I guess. I mean, are you cool in the guest house here? geez I guess Wait you want to be in the In the primary?

Yeah And you want me to be in the guest house? Come on man That's unrealistic expectations here Even with a gun It'd be a nice thing It'd be a nice gesture Okay I barely know you

You've harmed my life In what way Have I done anything You and Jack have chased me all around You've stirred up vitriol against me All over the country And how has that affected you? I can't go anywhere

My family's murdered. Okay. The second thing, yes. That deserves an apology. That happened. Yeah, which I do apologize for. You murdered his family? I don't think I did.

I think Jack Cates went over and did most of it, right? That's right. Right. He pistol whipped a lot of them to death. Right. That's right. So you're cool if I do errands and I leave and everything like that and you just like chill out here until Jack Cates gets here? Yeah.

I'll stay here. Okay. Are you just looking for a place? to crash. Is that weird? I like to lay low. No, I mean, I know I have a family to get back to. Yeah. I thought he murdered all the family. No, well, I have a little boy. I'm starting a new Oh, that's right, the little boy. How did you get this little boy? I took him from a crime scene. Okay, what crime scene? I don't know. This is all kind of blood all over the place. Okay. I remember he was in a in the container. Yeah. Who was in the kid? Are you talking about Dexter still? I haven't seen Dexter, Dan.

They found him This episode cannot be contingent upon our audience Having seen Dexter Put out a warning first Watch Dexter Which seasons All of it

Even the one without the guy When he's a kid Okay I look I guess you can hang out Until Cates gets here I don't know He's not booked

So All right It's gonna be a long day It's gonna be more than a day This is the only episode I'm doing this week as a matter of fact. So it's at least a week. Hmm. And then, okay.

And he's not, I mean, I've seen whose book next week. He's not coming next week either. I really took a big swing here. Yeah. I mean, I get it. Like, this is the last place that you know he's been, but. You can't reach him? You can't tell him you're in danger? No, I mean, my producer usually just like gets a note of like,

oh, this person's coming on the show. I'm in danger? Wait, you buried the lead there. Oh, I've been pointing. guns at each other. Yeah, but I mean, in a friendly way. We don't know how this is going to work out. You might be in danger right now. God damn it. I guess, I don't know. Do you want me to, I guess there is that secret drop, that dead drop that he said if I ever needed to contact him? Well, maybe let's try that. He said basically like he gave me a t-shirt. It's like an old Hands Across America t-shirt that

he spray painted an X on. said to put it in the window if I ever needed him. So yeah, do you want me just to do that? Yeah, let's do that. He could be on his way already if you'd done that to begin with. Sorry, I don't remember every character's little details. Oh, everyone gives you a little dead drop? No, no, I mean, but, you know, I can barely remember anyone's thing when they come on here again, okay? I heard, I heard you called Madison Grand Rapids. Yeah, I bet that really insulted a lot of people. I'm sorry. But you remember my dad drop, right?

Oh, yeah, of course. Okay, cool. Yeah, the one that we established 24 years ago? Yeah. Of course I do. All right, let me hang this t-shirt up in the window over here. I'll just get some bum tags.

Put it up there. All right. Cool. Well, I guess can you stick around? I mean, it sounds like you're going to stick around. I'm demanding it. Okay, yeah, I don't know if he's going to come by in this episode or another one. We'll see what happens.

I guess we'll see. Yeah. All right. Well, we need to take a break. We do have a soap star here with us. Ooh, la la. Do you watch soap operas? I do.

In the summers only. Why in the summer's only? What do you mean? And I only watch Mondays and Fridays. Okay. Well, those are the days that things happen. Yeah. I don't know.

Is it a soap star, though? Or is it, are we going to be burned again? I'm worried it's maybe Jack Kate. I'd be really disappointed. Yeah, I'm not going to get my hopes up. Okay, yeah, neither will I. So maybe we have a soap star. Maybe we don't.

I don't know. But we're going to come right back. We're going to have more with Albert Gans. More with Daniel Mintz. We're going to be right back with more comedy bang, bang, bang, bang, after this. Yeah. Comedy Bang Bang. We're here. Dan Mintz is here with his special well-rounded entertainer is out on YouTube right now.

And we've been watching a little bit of that during the break with Albert Gans is here. Not Allie G, unfortunately. But Albert Gans is here. And you like Dan's material? I did. I didn't know that you were a cartoon. Yeah. Who do you like better, Ali G or Dan Mince? Definitely Dan Mince. Oh, so were you not a fan of L.E.G? I don't like that he wasn't real. You keep saying that. I don't know why you keep saying that.

I do have that over him. I'm not just a character. Yeah. Well, guys, we have a soap star with us. She's, I don't know what soap opera she's on, but please welcome Suzanne Gucci. Hello. Hi. Hello.

Well, I am so happy you invited me on the show, Scott. I'm so happy that you're here. Because I've been wanting to do a podcast, I've never done one. This is my very first podcast. I'm not used to a mic in my face. I'm used to hiding it around. You know, where are we going to put that thing? That's hilarious. Yes, because I'm a soap star. You are, and you are, so you're not like...

I'm not doing any kind of weird behind the back tricks here. This is who I am and what I am, and you wanted to talk to me. So here we are. Great. Now, what soap opera are you on? Which one am I not on? I've done them all. I've done days. I've done days. I've done nights. I've done two lives to live, one life to live. I've done what is not your life? I've done Santa Barbara, San Diego. I've done dynasty and empire.

You were on empire, really? Yes. Uh-huh, sure. And I, you know, my longest run, I've been doing it my whole life. I started as a baby. Did your parents just put you onto a soap? What happened? How did you? They were looking to put me somewhere.

So they put me on a soap. Wow. Yeah. I was, I'm a Hollywood baby. Your first show? First show was Beverly Hillbillies. Not really a soap. Not really a soap, but I mean, it kind of counts.

That was my segue into soaps. Yeah. What did you do on Beverly Hillbillies? I was a baby. You were just a baby? Yeah, I played the baby. I was one of the Pearl. Pearl.

Pearl. Is that a character on the Beverly Hills? Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, she had a baby. And then there was a spin-off with Pearl. That was a soap. and I was on that. Oh, okay.

So they spun off Beverly Hillbillies and made a soap opera with the character Pearl. They wanted to go dramatic with it. Cool. That's always so interesting when you hear the, like, Mork and Mindy was a spinoff of happy days.

Right. These are secrets that most Hollywood doesn't know is before I'm Dibby. Okay, so you've still played the same baby? I still played the same baby on that, but then I grew up. And I started, my biggest known role,

which probably are knights of our lives. Knights of Our Lives. Is that in the days of our lives universe? The Livesiverse? Yes, it's the nighttime version. Right, and this is when all the characters are asleep, I'm presuming? Most are sleeping. I'm sneaking around their dormitories or beds and rooms.

I was kind of a sneaky witch. A sneaky witch? Oh, cool. I played a quadruple it, and we all had different roles. Oh, cool. So what were the characters' names? There was Diane Disco, Wendy, and June. Diane Disco, Wendy, and June.

Yes. And they all had the thing where you can't remember. Can't remember what? Amnesia, do you mean? That's it. Oh, so they had the amnesia of not knowing what amnesia was? They had the kind of amnesia where they don't know what that word is. Well, what it is, but they all had it.

It was a very confusing time for me. Who was the most fun of all four of them? The most fun was June. Oh, tell us about June. She was a goofster. She was a clown. She would come in. She would, ha, ha, ha, ha.

She would also have a lot of romances. You kind of got reminded me of one of my co-stars. Oh, which one? Yes, his name was Bert Gilbert. Bird Gilbert, really? Yes, and he was just like you. Oh, in what way? A medium height drink of water.

Oh, okay. Actually, I feel like I'm quite tall for as humans go. Soap world, you're short. Oh, is everyone tall on soaps? Yes. I didn't know that. Is that why the sets, if you ever visit them, they're like at 9-10th scale? That's it.

Wow. A lot of tall people. Yeah. But he would look like you would have a three-piece suit, usually. He'd have three pieces on a suit. Yes. I only have a five-piece suit on right now. So, yeah.

I appreciate his dressing up for me. Yeah, so he would take off two of the pieces? He would take off two of the pieces, the garter and the slip-on. Right, the garters and the slip-ons, yeah, which I'm wearing right now. Sure. Yeah, well, that's cool. But, you know, I'm not just into soups. Did you say soups?

Well, I'm not just into soaps. I also have soups. I am here. I also wanted to talk about my business of a soup brand. Oh, that's great. And soaps. I make soaps and soups. Oh, okay.

Does that ever get confusing for you where like you put one inside of one can and then, you know, like, oh, okay, let's fill up the soup can and it's just filled with soap. And then people like, you know, eat it. And they go like, this is just soap. This is just soapy. No. And vice versa. I have a girl who helps me organize the soups and the soaps. You do.

What's her name? Her name's Marguerite. Marguerite? Yes. She keeps my soups and my soap separate. How does she do it? Does she look at one, like a big vat of one and go like... That one's soup.

That one's soup. Yes. Yeah. She has a good process. That one's soap. Hmm. I'd rather get soup instead of soap rather than soap instead of soap. of soup. That's right. You don't want to eat those bubbles. You'd rather clean your house and then

after you're done, look around and there's just soup streaking the walls everywhere. Yeah, then I wash my hands and then I'm like, oh, this smells like minestrone. It's just a scent, right? That's right. But if I ate a bunch of soap, I die. Yes. Yeah. I wonder if you, after the first spoonful, if you might be tipped off to the fact that it was not soup and you would not. Oh, I do full bowl tip down. A full bowl. You do Michael Rappaport style? If it even hit a bowl if I've got a bowl. Wow. I actually did have a writer today, Scott. Did you get my writer? I didn't get it. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on with my producer. First, my producer books Allie G, and it turns out not to be L.E.G. And now I don't get your writer. I'm so sorry.

Well, there was supposed to be a hot crock of soup today that we were all to share. So sorry of your soup. Oh, my Suzanne Gucci soup. I thought that was just for me. Did you eat the whole one? Did you eat it out in the end? Did you eat it out in the end? In the ante room? I didn't even know that I lost out on it, but now that I know I'm mad. I'm furious now. What kind of soup was? Dan, what did you think?

I think it was soap. Oh. I'm sorry, I know you. Better call Marguerite. Do you have a landline? I got to call Marguerite. She's got a very pretty name, but she doesn't sound good at her job. God damn it.

Oh, man. Not today. Not when I'm on this podcast. Yeah, call up Marguerite. Do you mind? No. Okay, here's a phone. Yeah.

Give her a call. It was almost soup. Marguerite. Oh, hey. Is it Sarah and Suzanne? You brought a crock over to Scott Arquamette. Yeah, you're welcome. Okay, bye.

No. Oh, God, see, this is what I'm dealing with. Millennials. Oh, is she a millennial? Yes. Or are you? I'm not sure who you're complaining about. I'm no millennial.

I was born in 1901. Oh, really? Yes. So, wait, when you were a baby, they had TV? Well, hmm. Hmm, interesting. Let's see this matter. Oh, wait a minute. Were you in the cryo chamber for a number of years?

I think I read a People magazine profile on you. The baby cryo. The baby cryo. They put you in the cryo because they were trying to figure out how to cure the disease that you had. Yes. Yes. And then they put you in there until the 50s. Yes, that's right. Right. And then they cured your particular.

What was, I think it was polio or something like that? It was called Kloppen. Kloppenheimer's? You had Kloppenheimer's. That's right. Where you really, they could tell I had it because I was stomping. Oh, as a baby, yeah. You want your baby just to crawl.

It's where all the blood goes into your feet, no blood anywhere else. And so you're stomping trying to get the blood out of your feet. Yeah. And so they figured out you had clomp and ironers. Sure, Scott. They weren't able to cure it and come up with the vaccine for 50 years. So you were in cryo for 50 years. That's right.

Wow. Yeah, first cryo baby. A lot, there's a lot to my life. So in reality, you're 125 years old, but you were, asleep for 50 of that. That's right. So I kept all of my good collagen. And your parents, where were they dead? When you got it? Yeah, when you got out of cryo. They were, they were 60 or so? They were 65. And they just, they had you when you were, they were 15? Are you care to judge? Scott? 1901 was different. 1901 was much different. And then they just chucked you on to the old

hillbilly set. They chucked me onto the old hillbilly set. They're like, we, we don't have the energy to take care of a baby at 65. Yeah, they were too old, so they stuck me on the set. And then that's, and that started, old Hollywood story. That's started my big career. Oh, God. Buddy Epson will take care of her. What?

Buddy Epson will take care of her. I love buddy. Papa buddy. Papa buddy. Do you ever tell you stories about putting on the tin man makeup and being allergic to it? Yeah, all the time. He said, I could, I could have been that, but I wasn't that. I got ill, ill, ill.

Yeah. That's what he said. Yeah. Crazy. Crazy stories. But I do think that I learned a lot, did you know that on that show, Beverly Hillbillies, that the one guy, Jethro, he played a girl character too? Did you see that? I know I didn't.

That was the same guy? Right? Confusing, right? Alpert. That changes a lot about my life. You know Allie G is fake, but you didn't know that? No. I thought that that was a different person.

Well, what was interesting is that he played the girl, but a girl played his voice. Oh. And was that you? And that was me. As a baby. As a baby. How talented. Yes.

Wow. Yeah. So. The Beverly Hillbillies, by the way, started in 62. So I got a little bit of the dates wrong. So you were, so you were asleep for 61 years. Math is not my strongest suit. Right, right.

So you're 60 some odd in terms of how many years you've been awake. Yes, that's right. So about half your life. That's right. That's right. Unbelievable, right? Unbelievable stuff. Incredible stuff.

Yes. And what are you working on now? Well, I mean. Other than the soups and the soaps, which by the way, can we, how much of that did you eat, Dan? Did you eat at all? Yeah, I thought it was just, it wasn't, it wasn't that big. Oh, really? It was like.

lavender soup? Yeah, it was a weird kind of crockbought. It had like a pump on the top. Oh, that was lotion, I think. Oh. Wait, did you also sell lotion? I do. That was our lotion.

I was wondering why he's not hiccuping bubbles. I do feel my throat is very moisturized. Oh, good, yeah. You sound great. Honestly, maybe you should do this. I'm going to do this every day. I'm going to do this every day. For all the recording sessions for Bob's burgers, maybe.

I will buy a 10,000. I'll put you down. I'll call Marguerite. Okay. Can I call her? Can I call her? Can I call it? Marguerite, can you please get off? WhatsApp!

Oh my God, Marguerite, please. Marguerite, please stop. What's going on? My favorite little lady. Can you talk normal? Okay. Oh, hello there. Oh, God.

She's always doing bits. Okay, Marguerite. Yeah, what's up? I need you to put us down for 10,000? 10,000? 10,000. 10,000? Okay.

How many zeros is that, honey? Oh, God. Just write it down on a piece of paper. I'll be home later. Do you want me to spell it? T-T-E-N-T-E-N. New word. Marguerite, you owe a big mistake.

Goodbye. Are you going to hang up? Sorry, I had a piece of velvet over the phone. Oh, my God. See what I'm dealing with? Yeah, why did you hire Marguerite in the first place? Well, she's my neighbor, and I... Oh, say no more.

I always hire my neighbors, too. You have to hire your neighbors. You have to. You have to. In this economy, you have to. Because someday they'll hire you. Right. Yeah.

But she's helping me put a pitch together for Netflix for a soup. Soup-based show? Yes. Okay. So if I wanted to make a soup show. Like a soup opera. It's like a soup opera where everyone is floating in a big vat. And we're all.

all in, we'll shoot all the seasons, so there's no pausing. Okay, so just, yeah, five seasons in a row. We all float in the tank, and we shoot, and there's drama. There's drama. There's drowning. Who are some of the characters? There will be, okay, God, were you about to say Jethro? Yes.

I was thinking about putting Jethro in the stew. Why not, honestly? No one's using those characters anymore. Right? They're sitting on the shelf. Get them back out, dust them off. So Jethrone's sister, Jethrine. Jethrine.

Then we'll have probably something similar to an animated Tina in there. Oh, okay. So it's kind of a mishmash, okay? Would you do, maybe you could reprise your role? I mean, why is Tina only on the one show? Right? You know what I mean? Yeah, I keep asking my agent that.

You know what I mean? You know what I'm like, Ray Seahorn gets to be on Better Call Sol then she goes over to Pluribus. It's like, why can't Tina Belter be on a different show too? Yeah. Put Tina on euphoria. I would watch. I would watch. Have her started only fans.

She's 13, but yeah. Inappropriate Scott. Always 13? How long has this show been on? She was 12 for like a few episodes. Oh, she was? Yeah. Okay.

And then 13 for the past teen. 10 years? This sounds like a great idea. So, yeah, soup, soup. I'm working on that. Wait, so can you, so each, it's like a minestronee soup, and each character is like a noodle or a chunk of whatever. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Okay. And so it's a big stew. It gets stirred every, the top of every show. And we... By whom?

By God. Oh, okay. That's a character. So it's like one of these religious shows. No. Faith-based? God is all. Oh, okay.

So that religion. But God is Fabio. Oh, played by Fabio. Played by Fabio. Yes. Okay. That's cool. What's he been up to these?

days. Remember when the, didn't the bird just, like hit him hit him on a roller coaster or something? He headbutted a goose. He headbutted a goose. On the way down a roller coaster and he broke his nose. So he saw a goose and decided to headbutted? People don't tell that story.

He stood up and headbutted goose. He saved lives that day. He protected the other riders. So was he thinking that the goose was going to pull like a Sully Sullenberger or something and like crash the roller coaster? Because Sully Sullenberg crashed his plane?

No, you know how a fucking bird. He was being the Sully Sullenberger of the roller coaster in saving a day. That's what people don't talk about with Sully Sullenberger is like, oh, he landed the plane on the water. He should have killed the goose preemptively. Right. Oh, that's the connection. If they armed pilots, we wouldn't have this problem. With guns.

Exactly. Just like we do with teachers. But then the pilots, you know, there's got to be a good guy with a gun on the plane as well. So that's why I think every passenger should be required to bring a gun on an airplane. And I think the co-pilot should be a bad guy. Yes. See how that plays out. That's nice.

We'll just see how this plays out. That's nice. Well, this, I mean, this all sounds really good. And you have 10,000 orders here from Dan? I have 10,000 orders. I'm also, I brought you something, Scott. Oh, great. Otherwise, I am making decorative pillows for your couch.

How are these decorated? Let me see this. This has lines, famous lines from my soap days. Oh, okay. What's this one say right here? This one says, Jonathan, did the party start already? Is Kimberly there? I guess I'll be there too with bells on.

Because Kimberly doesn't go to a party that I don't go to. I go to every party that she is at with my bells on, and she will be sorry she came to this one. That's a lot to put on this pillow, but you fit it all in. It started really big at the top, and then I think you realized how little space you had left,

and you started to stitch it very small by the end. But you fit it all in here. I fit it all in. Yeah, this is cool. Yeah, it's in quotes. Yeah. This one's from, it looks like it's from Nights of Our Lives.

It says, Be quiet, June, or you'll wake Stefano de Miro. Right. That's a good line. I'm not familiar with the show, but these are famous lines from your... Oh, these are the most. famous lines. Well, I mean, this is fascinating stuff. So you...

It's really fascinating. Is there a website or anything we can go to to get some of your soaps, lotions, or soups? Susanne, Gucci, soaps, and decorative pillows. Oh, that's right the pillows.com. You don't mention the lotions in your... No, that's a sidebone. When you get to the side, you'll see it all. It's after the dot com, then lotions. Then lotions. Oh, really, dot com, then lotions. Okay. So did Marguerite deliver lotion instead of soup, or is there still a hot crop? a soup around here somewhere. We're going to have to start searching.

I got a... Can you smell any soup here? I do smell a risotto... There's that pie that's cooked. The pie is cooling on the sill. Maybe that's what you're smelling. Oh, I smell a strawberry. Strawberry rhubarb pie.

And then I smell a... I smell some potpery. Oh, that is my crock pot too. I make poppy and a crock. I'm worried that this is just your soap. I make potpourri as well. Okay. Oh, okay. So did you deliver some potpourri instead of soup?

Well, God, I have to talk to Moghery. Okay, give her a call, I guess. Go for Marguerite. Oh, God, Marguerite, what's happened to you? Oh, I've decided to be more professional. Ever since you gave me that stern talking to. Did you get a New York accent? Yeah, I visited New York yesterday.

Okay, Margarine. I'm walking here. Oh, God, Marguerite. You brought over Poverry instead of... Uh-huh. You're welcome. No, Marguerite. You were supposed to bring up a big crock of cheddar broccoli soup.

Did you say cheddar broccoli? Oh, God. Oh, I'm so sorry. I mixed it up with poppery. Not broccoli. Marguerite. I put cheddar on the popery. Go back and do a TikTok dance.

I hate you. Okay, that's really hurtful to hear from your employer and best friend. Oh, God. By the way, your husband, your husband... What about him? He came by the office. What are you talking about, Keith? He was crazy?

He was like a madman. He came over here, ranting and raving and saying that he was going to kill you. God! He threatened to throw me down the staircase this morning. That's right. He says he's going to find wherever you're at and he's going to do something terrible. Shit. Yeah, I was so worried about you.

Marguerite! Okay, lock all the doors. I'm going to bring this... You want me to lock the doors where I am right now? Yeah, lock the doors where you are. I'm bringing him over a man with a gun, and he's going to come to get protected. Do you want me to come with you? Yes. Okay. Well, I've got to stay here. I'm waiting for someone.

Should I tell Marguerite to come here? I think her. I locked out the doors. You want me to unlock them and go... No, no, stay there. Okay. I'm going to stay here with you. Is that okay? Okay. I guess you can both stay. Do you mind sharing the bed? You guys... No. You guys can cuddle. I don't mind. I don't mind at all.

You can cuddle, but there can't be any funny business. What are you talking about? It'll be hilarious. Yeah. What funny could happen between me and a 125-year-old woman? It's going to be very serious. Should I still be on the phone? Marguerite.

No. Go. I locked the doors. Am I safe? Do the TikTok dance like she told you. Who the fuck are you? What gives you the right to talk to me that way? You'll find out.

soon enough. You'll find out, Marguerite. All right, all right. I'll see you later. I love you. I love you too, sweetheart. All right, bye. I'm happy to hear your marriage is on the rocks. It is very much on the rocks. You're happy to hear? Yes. Why? Because you're going to be shacking up here in my guest house? Yes. It's been a rocky 30 years and I think it's come to a head. 30 years. You've been married 30 years. You're 125 years old. Just doing the math.

All right. We don't like that. We don't like that. Okay. I've been married since. 90s. He was a co-star. What was your wedding song? Was it Pearl Jamms Jeremy? What? Jeremy. Because we got married to win, 1990.

Six? Our song was... Gangsters Paradise. Was it Mighty, Mighty Boss Tones? The impression that I get? We played that. We played that at the wedding. But it was...

It was something jewel. Oh, who will save your soul? Who will save your soul? I went to a wedding in 1996, and the first dance was Gangsters Paradise. by Culeo. That's right. Interesting. Very interesting.

Very interesting. Well, I guess you guys are going to be chilling here at my place for a while. There won't be much chilling, Scott. Oh. Why? What are you going to be doing? Well. Are things heating up here between Albert Gans and Suzanne Gucci?

I think it might be. You might want to take that t-shirt out of the window. Let Jack Gates take his time. You want me to put it around the doorknop? That's right. Then don't come inside. All right. I sure think. I'm just going to freshen up with some of my soap soup in the restroom. Oh, okay.

And I'll be back and see. By the way, make sure you're splashing soap and lotion on you and not soup because, I mean, right, Albert? I mean, you don't want her to have. I'll check the crocs before I get into it. I'll take whatever's on you. All right. Well, guys, we are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course,

a little something called Plugs. Just listen. Okay. Remix. Boom, bop. Wow. Boom, bukap. Oh.

Um, boom. That's a song that I wrote with Tupac. That was Granny with a Fanny by Eddie Wolfram. Thanks to Eddie Wolfram. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs, and you can upload them there, and you can find everything you need for your closing up the plug bag remixes as well and uh guys what are we plugging dan obviously your special is out now well-rounded entertainer on youtube yeah i'd like to plug that yeah sure take one thing to plug

that's right uh yeah that everyone yeah uh yeah that would everyone yeah yeah i'd watch it if you know what i mean yes yes that's what i meant okay and uh uh your previous special is uh is it a CD? How do people listen to it? Yeah, it's an album called The Stranger. I don't know how you listen to it. Well, great. Well, your new one is the way to go. It's called Well-Rounded

Entertainer. It's on YouTube right now. And Albert Gans, what do you want to plug? I want to promote Dan Special, too. Well, Rounded Entertainer. It's on YouTube now. Otherwise, you can I'd say, find Charlie McCracken out on social media

somewhere. He doesn't do a lot. social media. Yeah. Maybe some interactions would encourage them to participate a little bit more. But otherwise, that's about it. That's about it. That's about it. Okay.

That's to plug this gun into your chest. All right. It's a little late in the show to be so... All right. Maybe we'll be doing some other kind of plugging. Oh. Later. Okay.

You know what I mean. I think I do. Okay. Cool. Well, Suzanne Gucci. What do you want to plug? Obviously, you're... What was again?

It's Suzanne Gucci... The soaps and soups. And... Pillo, DecorativePillows.com. Also lotion. Okay. And anything else to plug? I would like to plug Dan Mince's special on YouTube called...

What is it? Well-rounded entertainer. Well-rounded entertainer, which is also what I am. Okay. So watch that. I am very excited to watch it. And also the show called The Hawk coming out. out July, mid-July.

Mid-July, 16th, I believe. Isn't that the Will Ferrell show? Yes. Yes, where he's a... It's a golf soap. Golf soap. And you're on that, really? Yes. Okay.

Yes, I am. That's fantastic. What do you play? Like a caddy or a... I play a golf cart. A golf cart. What a stretch for you. No, I'm kidding. That was a big joke. Oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying you don't play the golf card? No. You're too funny. You are cracking my shit up today. We can laugh all day, don't you think? We could. Over some nice.

I like hanging out with you. Hot bourbon. Yeah, so that I'll be playing a wonderful woman. I love that. A wonderful woman. I'll watch that show and I'll look for a wonderful woman. to a man named Chris Parnell. Okay, fantastic.

Very wonderful, handsome actor. He's one of the best. One of the best. Fantastic. Well, I want to plug Dan Mintz's special well-rounded entertainer. It's on YouTube right now. I also want to plug, we're coming out to the

UK and Ireland at the end of July. And those shows, it's, of course, Paul F. Tompkins and myself. And we are going to be joined by Andy Daly. He's doing all of the UK and Ireland shows with us. So it's the three of us, and you can get all of the tickets over there at CBBWorld.com slash tour. And then we are, after that, we're going to be on the west coast, and then we're doing the Southwest. And we apologize about the Boston show.

We are looking for how we're going to reschedule that. But there was an explosion underground. And, you know, we couldn't do the show. but we're going to try to reschedule that at some point. And then we're winding up in LA on September 19th. That's going to be a huge show with, Hey, Randy is opening for us with Randy Snuts and the gang. And all those tickets are over at CBBWorld.com slash tour.

Also, this is some of the tour stops, we didn't have the action figures for sale. They weren't ready yet. So we've put them on sale in a limited window until July 20, We have the ground beefing tour exclusives. They're available at figurecollections.com. Up until the 20th or wild supplies last, we have a new Scott Ackerman tour figure,

features a green sweater and khakis, and JW Stillwater figure has a cloak of invisibility and variant cape. They both have ground beefing tour packaging, and you can order them at figurecollections.com. And by the way, all of the tour shows, you can hear them all, if you are a Maximus subscriber as we go along over there at CBB World.

Okay, let's close up the old plug bag. I want to close the bag, baby, step on in. I want to close it tight, you know the way right, so just close that bag. Hold those lanyards tight, and then loose in the bag. Open in the bag, you got no place to hide. Because it opens so far. And if you don't want that kiss, sweet sheds. Wow.

Remix, that was a full on cover. That sounded like closing credits song. Like, I'm walking out of a movie theater. That was close or open that plug bag by Titus Muncie. Titus Muncie, that was pretty incredible. I'll even allow you that the extra six seconds you took over the minute to the minute time limit. Thank you so much, Titus Muncie. And speaking of thank you, I want to thank our guest.

Dan, wonderful to see you. Let's not make it another 12 years. Yeah. I'll see you in 11 years. Okay, great. 2037. Let's set a date right now. What day do you want to do it? You know, actually, it's kind of busy year maybe.

Oh, maybe we'll do it 12, 2038. Okay. And Suzanne Gucci, wonderful to see you. Wonderful to see you, Scott. I love being here. Thank you for having me. No problem you're going to be staying here. Meals are included.

Wonderful. By the way. So. And then Albert Gans. Albert Gans. Oh my God, wait a minute. Jack? Scott, you got Albert Gans here.

You got him. You got Gans is here. Did you not see him? When did you sleep in? Get him. Grab him. I put the... Oh, you got him in the hot rock. Okay.

And what do you want me to do? You want me to get him in that hot soup? You want to swing him into the hot soup? Here we go. Ready. One, two, three. Psh! I think it's...

I think it's... I think it's soap. The soap bubbles. Yeah, it's soap. You guys got me in soap. All right, well, this went pretty well, right? I'm happy with it. Oh, by the way, didn't you want to arrest him for something?

No, I'm just going to take this pie, though. Okay, yeah, enjoy the pie. Bye. Bye. All right, well, speaking of bye, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.