Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Tooth Hings (Jason Mantzoukas, Paul F. Tompkins, Andy Daly)

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

Co-host Jason Mantzoukas joins Scott for a revealing interview with pretzel salt inspector August Lindt! August offers travel tips, as well amazing new revelations about his life! And retired musician Dave Blynn enters the one timers club with bummer tales from his dreary career. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guess. to Gurkin Thirstrap for that catchphrase of mission. Girkin Thursraterp. That's a Bob Duka level moniker. Yes. Gerkin Thirstrap. Yeah, I don't appreciate you imitating my stepfather that way, yes.

Sounds like Star Wars name. Hey, Shimmy! No, no, guys. Sounds like a Star Wars name you're saying? Yeah, I guess it does. Like in the canteen. Imagine Jabba the Hut saying that. Yeah. Like, he's a bounty hunter.

Can you do your best Job of the Hut impression? I mean, I'll try. Okay, thanks, Shibby. too do good good That's pretty fucking good Jimmy Really? Really?

He really? He's like I could go on America has talent? Absolutely I mean one million percent You should be on it America has talent Or America has got talent

It depends on which show We're talking about Because I believe both exist I do believe it's neither But I believe it's America's got talent America's got talent Yeah I thought it was Americans with talent

Oh yeah could be Americans have talent American and their talents are displayed on this stage for everyone to see. How about here's a down-home version, America Done Got Talent. Yeah, I should be. I watch that. I love your folksy attitude.

Oh, thanks, man. You're still trapped in the walls over here? Yeah. I don't think of it's trapped, though. I like it. You do. Yeah, I feel like bad Ronald. You're worse, Ronald.

Oh, come on. Hey, I'm sorry. What if I'm better, Ronald? Okay. So as long as you're not spying on us, just like hanging out and there. No, man, I promise y'all. I'll never spy on you. Really?

You haven't watched one single thing I've done. Not since the first time. What was the first time? I watched you make a fluff for another sandwich. And it was so uncompelling, he's never tuned back in for another episode. There was that, but also you was doing it wrong. What was I doing? You was putting on the fluff first.

That's a rookie mistake. What's your order? What's your, how do you, what's your process? Peanut butter. Slap it on there. Then get out the fluff. Now, slap it on there with a knife or with your head? hand. Come on, man. You're saying then get out the fluff. You leave the fluff in the fridge

until you already put the peanut butter on? Oh, sorry. First, I wake up in the morning. Jimmy, this is the longest we've ever told. I didn't know how far back you need to go. By the way, I love starting with the morning. What time are you waking up? I wake up like 5.30 a.m. Because my assumption is you're not getting any, are you getting sunlight? Do you have cues? Do you have cues? No, my circadian rhythm is all out of wet. I would assume so. Do you need vitamin D of any sort? I sure do.

I need all kinds of vitamins. I have a nice supply of it. God damn. I mean, I refer to it as a nice supply. That's awful. Hey, how'd you like a nice supply of vitamin D? I've got an unlimited supply of it. I'm not talking with the boys.

I don't know that it's unlimited. Yeah, they'll locker room talk. All right, well. Yes, Shimmy? I think you know I'm going to say. I think I do. Yeah. You know what?

gets harder and harder every time. Oh, wow. A tear is rolling down Shimmy's eyes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you see me like this. This is how it happens. Shimmy walking up to us with tears in his eyes. He can't believe he's time for him to go.

I'm glad you said it's sliding to have to Jason. You're not going to say it. Shimmie, it's your catchphrase. Oh, by the way, we met your cousin or something on the road. Uh-oh, Shammie? Shammie. Oh, whoa. I didn't know about this.

Oh, he's bad news. That guy. Shammy? Wow. What was his catchphrase again? Shammie said so. That's right. Sammy said so.

Wow. Are you guys, but you guys are not close? No, he kind of went off the rails when he became a hot air balloon pilot. Oh, of course,

of course. That's right. We heard all about it on. You don't need to tell me more. First you got on the no fly list. Yeah, was this in Nashville? We saw him. I can't remember.

I don't know. Yeah. How would you know, Shud me? I wasn't there. Yeah. Then he got on the note. I don't think you're a pilot

if you're doing so from a basket. Well, Shammie said so. Wow. You're doing this. You're just doing. I know, I'm just literally saying that's what he said. Oh, that's what he said. Sometimes catchphrase

coincide. Did I do that? Sometimes you got to ask if you did it. That's what she said. Sometimes she said it. Yeah. All right, Shimmie. Gotta go! There he goes! I can't believe you just dismissed Shimmy. I knew he wanted to go. It's kind of like being on the phone when you want to go saying,

I'll let you go. Right, I'll let you go. Are people on the phone any longer? Almost none, I feel like. The only people I see on the phone are face. timing without headphones or anything, just holding the phone in public, having a loud conversation. Yeah. Or talking on speakerphone, like holding the phone up as if they are publicly just living in

the world conversationally, which I don't understand. There was a period of time where you could drive in your car and you could practice your monologues or you could sing in the car and you wouldn't look insane because people would assume you're on the phone. Now, and I was driving today, I was singing a song really loudly. Can't say. Why? surprise. It's for an upcoming thing.

And I was practicing. Whoa, wait. An upcoming thing? An upcoming thing and I was practicing and I was like feeling a little in my head about it because nowadays no one would think I was on the phone anymore because everyone texts. Maybe they would think I was doing speech to text. Well, I guess that just goes. If you're out on the roads in Los Angeles, keep an eye out for Scott Ockerman singing in his car like a lunatic for an upcoming project. An upcoming project. Hey, I want to say who I am. I want to say who you are.

Is that all right? I'd love for you to do it right now. Okay. Simultaneously. Both of our names are... No, my name is Scott Ackerman. I am the host of Comedy Bang Bang, and I want to welcome to you,

one of our favorite guests for episode 975. Jason Manzukas is back. I mean, can you imagine? When you started in episode one, could you have even imagined getting to 975? I thought a hundred was an achievement, but man, 975. I honestly, if you would have told me you'll get to 975, I wouldn't have cared that. I'm curious.

That doesn't sound all that case. Has anybody added, I'm sure somebody has, but added up, how many hours is this? How many hours of con, how many hours in front of the mic have you spent? If someone has done that, I feel very sorry. Somebody did it a while ago for how did this get made. And it was, they factored in not just the length of the episodes, but also the length of the movies that we would have had to have watched. Oh, interesting. the episodes. And so for the totality at that time, for the totality of all that stuff,

it was like three months of our life. Yeah. Wow. Had been spent just doing the podcast. What about hanging out in the green room beforehand? Totally, bro. Just pounding a coffee in a Twix bar. Yeah. It's my writer. It really is, uh, I mean, you spend more time sleeping than on Mike, though, I would imagine. Oh, absolutely. That's nature's total waste of time. Sleep? Yep. Oh, you got to refresh your brain. You got to, you got to let it rest. What if you didn't? Boy, What are we talking about the limitless drug? What are we doing? I want that pill?

Give me that pill. Yeah. I would love to be on the limitless drug. Add in a little PCP into it. I think that's what the limitless drug is. It wasn't just PCP? I'll be honest. I'm pretty sure the limitless drug was just PCP. Oh, interesting.

Jason, so great to see you back here. Of course, we know Jason from the How Did This Get Made podcast. He mentioned it just moments ago. We know him from Taskmaster Series 20. Season 19 Season 19 Okay wait So 20 was with Cumail

Is that right? No 21 was with Kumail Was on 20? 20 was Anya and Oh yes yes yes yes yes yes Sorry I'm spacing that cast now That's right I forgot there was a season in between

Yes But yes Cummales just finished Cummale Armando Unichie So funny Yeah very funny We also know you from

Why are you looking at the computer Because you have You are friends with me Well, I'm not friends enough to have received this press release. A hundred percent. Nick Kroll's new comedy series? Yeah, baby. You're starring in?

Correct. Tell me about this. We're shooting it right now, as a matter of fact. What the hell is this thing? It's why I had to run to the dentist today because it's my only day off. And you're spending it with the dentist and us? You know, my two most favorite things, Comedy Bang Bang and The Dentist. I got to fit both of these into my day off.

how to do it on my one day off. Yeah, we're shooting right now in Los Angeles. I love that. Boy, is it great. We're bringing work back to Hollywood, baby. What I'm told is the cast will portray a group of friends working inside the thought leader industrial complex. Is that true or is that false? Yeah, that's it. We're basically all kind of like YouTube creator, influencer type people with different types of channels. Okay, and what's your character name? Can you say? I don't know if I can say. I'm going to say it now, and I might text you and tell you to bleep it. Nope. And I would, Will not, by the way. Constantine Papa Yorginis.

I love it. Is the guy's name. And what does he sound like? You know, he sounds, okay, excuse me, he sounds a little bit like this. Oh, okay. And it's a subtle, it's a subtle shade, but it's, it's, you raise your eyebrows is like about 10%. Yeah, it's mostly eyebrow work.

It's not going to translate over the podcast medium, but for everybody tuning into the Comedy Bang Bang Live stream, they see what I'm doing. Yeah, by the way, check out our live stream. It's on 24 hours a day. live stream. You'll see what we're up to. Maybe it's shimmy in the walls just scurrying around. Feeding himself with rats. And like an enormous series of cameras.

Yeah. He's got a 20 camera shoot down there. Oh, yeah. And yet he's eating rats. Sell one of the cameras and buy a burger. He's basically set up a sliver in your walls. Yeah. Sliver, of course, the Billy Baldwin. Show Estre House movie. Yes, of course. Jason, when does this show come out? When can we see it?

I don't know. And I don't know. I don't know. We are filming. We just started filming. So I'm going to guess it's going to come out in a year. I don't know. Maybe something like that.

See in 2020. I'll see you then. Goodbye. Bye. Well, it's great to have you on the show. I'm thrilled to be here. I'm assuming this is just going to be you and me for the rest of the... No, actually, we have other guests.

Oh, boy. Well, let's get to him. Yeah, why not? I don't know if we've met this gentleman before. It says here he is a German person And he works in a pretzel factory Well we have definitely met him before We've met this guy but I mean

Maybe I'm speaking of I'm talking about a guy named August August Lint Yeah No you have met him before I think we've been talking to August Lint if I'm not wrong For probably 15 years Oh okay well let's welcome him back to the show I guess August Lint Hello it's wonderful to be here

You've been on this podcast many times You have I have But it does not bother me to be forgotten. I'm not one of those people who gets offended when someone says, I forgot I ever knew you. Oh, really? That happens to you a lot.

It does happen to me a lot. I'm a forgettable person and I have a face that is like it's generic face. I feel, see, I feel the exact opposite is you, Scott. I feel like I very much remember August Lynn because he's... Well, you're not on every episode like I am. You're right. It all runs together. The entrepreneurs, the small business people.

It's like, oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Anyway, it's great to have you back. Jesus fucking Christ was one of the people. That's right. Have you ever had Jesus fucking Christ on the show? I would love to have him on. Have you ever seen the last temptation of Christ? You'll get to see Jesus Christ fucking.

Of course. Oh, yeah. Based on the Nikos Kastonzakis book. Of course, it is a dream sequence. We should make sure everyone knows that. No, it's not. You don't think so? I don't think so.

He's up there on that cross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, gee, what if I hadn't done all this shit? And then he clangs down and leaves a whole lot. Well, he could, that's, I think it's implying that he could do it. But it's sort of like in the movie, or in the book, rather, of Pet Cemetery, where the guy imagines that that terrible accident doesn't befall his little boy. And he imagines him all throughout his entire life.

And it tricks the reader into thinking that it didn't actually happen. And then you see him fucking. And then the dad, we should, we should mention. The dad is fucking. And the dead pets. In the Pet Cemetery? I never read Pet Cemetery. Oh, okay.

So is it mostly about a dad and a son? Yeah, in a way. Oh, okay. I would have thought it was to be about dead pets. Well, I mean, that's a side little part of it. I just think about how much Joe Iromone did not want to be buried in one of those. It's true. So much.

One of his last wishes. I know. And yet they went and did it. He did. That's the problem. They went and actually did it. No, it's terrible. He explicitly said in song form, he didn't want that.

He couldn't have been more clear, but I guess he said in his last villain testament. He said, I don't care where you bury me. He said it. Oh, it negated that. Well, but it shouldn't have. Because I was going to say, upon his death, mustn't the reading of the will just have been a listening party of that song? You would think. As it is what he wanted to have happened.

The song lyrics was not notarized, from what I understand. Oh, you got to get those song lyrics. Notarized. It doesn't have the force of law. So which pet cemetery do they bury him? The main one. The one in Maine? Yeah, that's right.

The one in Maine. The main one in Maine. Oh. The very one, upon me, which the book was written. Over there in Castle Rock. Of course. Where they produced the Seinfeld show.

Naturally. Where Stephen Kings live. Yep. So why wasn't Stephen King ever in Seinfeld? Yeah. You know what I mean? Great question. Also, like, how about No More Kings?

Yes. How about that? And that includes Stephen King. Of course. It would have been great if you're watching Seinfeld and suddenly like the stand-up music, like, and the stand-up music starts and you hear the, the audits. audience laughter and then Stephen King walks out. Yeah.

And he just tells a couple of like knock knock jokes. And then a van hits him. Yeah, sure. And then a van drives on stage and hits him. Or he gets, he gets the plant disease that he gets in creep show or whatever. Yep. You know,

he already showed his acting medal in Creep show. Why are you yelling at us? Sorry, I get so, I get so into Stephen King getting more work. I'm sorry. Is that what you're doing here, August? What?

You're here just to hang out? Not exactly. I've heard that you're going to do some traveling soon, Scott. Oh, yes. By the way, we're on the comedy bang bang, ground beefing 2026 tour. I did mean to say that I apologize that our Boston show got postponed. Apparently, someone big chunky bubbles was making soups or something under the ground. Oh, wow. Yeah, everything blew up. Anyway, we hoped. Under the ground? So the ground was beefed officially? The ground was beefed. It got beefing. Oh, wow. Okay. That's right.

So we're, hopefully there will be an announcement soon about the rescheduling of that date as well as a couple other dates in the, not in the general area, but around there. I love it as well. Some new dates. So we're going to add a couple of new days. Don't worry about Boston, not a big college town. Yeah, I don't think there's a lot of your fan base in Boston. That was a line from Spinal Tap. Oh, okay. One or two. I would say one. There's some good lines in two. Can you name one?

Uh, um, anyway, we're gonna, we're, yes, we are going out on the road. In fact, we're going to the UK and Ireland, uh, in a week, I believe a week from today or something. Our, our show is a week from Wednesday. So yeah. So there's no truth to the rumor that you didn't do the Boston show because you are anti-Boston and have like, fuck Boston tattoo shit? Oh, no, not at all.

Okay. I mean, if anything like that has come up, it's because of the band. Oh, okay. Not the city. Same as Chicago. Oh, yeah. Okay. I have basically, fuck Boston, fuck Chicago.

Yep. Kansas. Kansas, thank you. No problem. The state of. My pleasure. Fuck flow rider. Everything.

All over my body. But yes, you know, we are going to go to the UK. It's going to be myself, Paula Thompson, and Andy Daly doing all of those dates. So, yeah, that'll be coming up. You can get all of those dates at CBBWorld.com slash tour. But yes, August. So you will not go to Boston, but you will go to England. The country that Boston.

Wow. Then go to therapy. Isn't that strange? Yep. That's interesting. I'm doing the opposite of the pleas come to Boston. Yeah. You are.

Yeah. What's the opposite of please? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, leave. Never mind.

August, I want to hear. what you want. I have travel tips for you. You have travel tips. Let's get into it. I am a very ardent traveler of the world. I have been to so many places all around the world. Oh, okay. Is that because you guys get huge amounts of vacation in Germany? Not really.

At the pretzel factory, I have 10 months of vacation every year. Oh, that seems like a lot. That's quite a lot. I think it's really a moderate amount to get. Do you work extra hard in the two months that you are working? Not really. You know, I'm the junior salt inspector and the senior salt inspector.

Oh. They haven't hired a junior yet to take your place? I was promoted from junior to senior. But they still wanted you to do the duties of the junior? It's up to me to hire a junior salt inspector. I have not seen somebody who can do the job as good as I could do it. Is this a lost art? Is salt inspection something that the next generation just does not understand?

It's a lost art and it's a lost science. By the way, you don't want to find someone as good as you because then they will be the senior. Oh, yeah. You know, you want to find someone worse than you. Believe me, Scott, I've thought about this a lot. I want to find somebody who is as good now as I was when I started. I see. And who has the passion for it and the potential for it.

And you have improved over the last, I don't know, how long you've been doing this. Have we ever talked about this before? How long I have been inspecting salt? It has been for decades. Decades. Were you, when you started, were you an apprentice to a master salt inspector? Like, who was your mentor? Yes.

I was apprenticed to a salt inspector at the age of nine. Oh, wow. So you were taken out of school? I was taken out of school. Is that why you get 10 months off because you've been working since you were nine? I suppose. My parents sent me away to Dulceldorf. And I was raised by the salt inspector.

Have you ever seen? You were raised by the salt inspector? Yes. Have you ever seen your parents since then? No, I've never seen them. I've been looking for them. That's part of why I'm traveling. Oh, is that why you travel so much?

Yes, so much. Have we talked about this? No, we've never talked about it. talking about this before. You've been looking for your lost parents? I have been looking for my lost parents. This is a real shame. This is a platform that you could have been using to help find your parents all of these years.

This has been 17 years that the show has been on. Wow. You could have. Of course I could have. What are their names? Oh, that's the problem. I have no idea. Oh, so is August Lint a name that you only recognized?

Did the Salt Inspector? Or is it your Salt Inspector's name? The Salt Inspector's last name was Lint. He made me at Lint. Yes, that's right. And has your first name always been August? That's funny. I'd never asked him that.

Oh, geez. Give him a call. Wait, do you know? No, it must have always been August. Yeah, I think. Were you born in? Was it just, yeah. Were you born in August?

Or did you get sent to him in August? I think I did meet him in an August. I remember it was the summer's time when I first came to live with him, the Lind family. Okay. When's your birthday, though? It's August. Okay. Okay.

Well, then I have no opinion. So this is, this is a why? This opens so many doors. Whatever your travel tips are, fuck them. No, I've got great travel tips for you guys. How are you hoping to see them? Are you hoping you'll recognize them when you see them? I don't know if I would remember what my parents...

Do you have a picture? Do you have like a faded picture that you, you know? Did you see the movie of one battle after some others? Yes, I did see that. I have a mobile, very fast DNA kit I walk around with wherever I go. It takes like 45 minutes. And you just prick every single person. Yeah, are you just seeing random people?

Or are you, like, engaging in some sort of... It's not random people. It has to be someone who looks like they could be the age of my parents, maybe. Okay, that cuts it down by, like, I don't know, like 20%. Yeah, a lot of people is too old. And then there's also some people that is too young. So the people that is in the middle who could be my parents, I just say, may I cut and swab your mouth? Oh, you do?

Of course. Yeah, okay. Oh, I'm not going to do it. I'm surprised. So they do give consent. Do they have to be German? No, not really. Oh, do you know if they were German?

I don't know if they were Germans. Interesting. I don't know nothing about them at all, except that they could not, they saw in me the potential to be a great salt inspector, and they sent me away to become one. Do you think that they wanted to have you back, or, or, and it just didn't work out? Did perhaps your salt inspector, a person, you know, hide you away from them or something like that?

Well, I don't really know, but he has only told me they never told me how you should find them ever. So if he is to be believed, and I don't believe us, have a lot to me before, then they simply dropped me off and said, please don't tell him how to find him. You don't believe he's ever lied to you before. What's your opinion on Santa Claus? Well, Santa Claus does not always come down a chimney. Sometimes if you have a fire in the fireplace on Christmas night, you know, he would burn himself to come down. and in that case it's important incumbent upon the homeowner to open, leave open a window. A window.

So that him can come in there. Got it. Did you feel like your childhood in Germany as an apprentice salt inspector, was it happy? Did you feel fulfilled? Do you feel as though you've had a good life? I suppose so. I was not treated as the other Lint children were. You weren't.

So there were many. Yeah. that I guess this salt inspector had had a lot of orphans under his care. Were they like you or were they his natural children? Well, he had biological children. He did. That he treated very, very nicely. And the rest of us were treated rather differently.

Oh, wow. Okay. When you ever hug you, would you ever say, I love you? Certainly not. No. Oh, really. So that's what you're looking. In looking for your birth parents, you're looking for that warmth, that love that you never got.

Has anyone ever said that to you? Have I said what to me? I love you. Well, no, I please don't. If that's where you're going, because I definitely am not going to. Good, good, good. I'm not clearing the path, Paul Revere style, for this to happen. I'm just wondering if this has ever happened to you before.

No, I don't like those words. You don't like those words? No, it's okay. It would be too much. Have you been in a... Do you experience the emotions that those words represent? Is it just the words, or are you uncomfortable with those emotions? No, I don't think the most of me, emotionally, I am a devourable.

voted to my work and I am ready to deflect a swap to the head. Those are my emotions. Oh, wow. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? Oh, yes, I am married. If so, what's your body count? My what? Your body count.

What do you mean by dad? How many chicks you've been with? I am married and I have been with that chick only. Okay, and you've not said I love you to each other. No, absolutely not, no. Not at the wedding, not. not in post-coitus, anything like that?

No. If you were to find your parents, what would you ask them? Like, what would be the, you swab these people? Yeah. The kit comes back positive. 45 minutes of just tension. Here they are. It's never come up as yes.

What do you imagine happens next? Well, I carry around, I could show it to you. It's a little tin. Do you want to swab us, by the way, while you're waiting? Okay, I think you're not quite in the range of ages for me. How old are you? I can't quite know. This is actually a good question that I also was wondering.

I would love to know exactly how old I am. Oh, you don't know. You just know at nine you were sad. I believe I was nine, but come to think of it, I have so few memories from before that time that maybe I was younger. Oh, wow. I don't know, but anyway, yeah. So I'm probably like in the late 40s or 50s or 60s.

Have you watched a Song of Hope, the Dred Zeppelin documentary? Yes, I have seen that. Okay. Okay. Have you seen hooligans? Yes. The Who cover band. Who cover band that you only gain access to when you turn 60?

No, I have not seen that. Okay, so you're somewhere in that range. I'm between 50 to 60. Okay. Okay, good. I carry around a little tin of the best pieces of salt I have ever found. And if I meet my parents, I would like to show them these pieces of salt and let them taste them to show them that they did the right thing.

Do you mind if we... He's crying again. He's so emotionally available this time. Look, I mean, this is what Comedy Bang Bang's all about. Is it asking the tough question? There are no PR people here. You know, a lot of people. You know, a lot of people.

Yeah, my handlers were told not to come in. Yeah, you have a huge team. You have a massive entourage. I know, I do. The whole team was taught you must stand out in the driveway. And it's, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't understand why assault inspector needs a stylist. Yeah.

That seems like. You have a lot of hangers on. You have a guy named tortoise. Yeah, tortoise of turtle. It's like, he's a boyhood friend. He's just kind of. You got it. Can't go nowhere ever without.

Your brother Jimmy comedy? Naturally. Of course. And then of course there's F. Your manager. Boy, it's hard to be my brother. You know, to be the brother of a senior soldier inspector. Yeah, it's difficult, you know.

But he gets chicks because of it. Do you mind if we take a look at this, salts? This is, uh, it's a, you have a little tiny tin here. Yeah, it's an autoid's tin. And so, so when you come across like a, are you particularly perfect piece of salt, you keep it. You take it out. Now, is that theft? Oh, is it theft from the company? No, because I always will go right to my boss, Mr. Schmeiderberg, and I will write him a check for whatever he considers to be the value of the salt. Okay. Okay. By the way, do you also have

altoids in your pocket? I have a loose pocket of a low salthoids. Oh, okay. So the altodes are out of the tin, the salt in. That's right. So you never confuse, you never like, you know, say, oh, I need a mint and open up your altoids tin and pop in your salt accidentally. something like that court happened. Are you ever tempted, I'll say, if you're out to dinner at a restaurant and your meal is... Are you ever tempted to take one of those perfect flakes and just... And they say like, hey, you go, hey, could I have some table salt? And they're like, oh, we're out today.

No, no, this is... I have several small altruid tins of different kinds of salt. Oh, wow. Some of the salts I have is to season my food in a restaurant. Okay. So, wait, do you get... Do you get these confused? How many tins of salt?

I have, well, let's see. I mean, you do have a John Popper style vest. Yeah. I will say. There are no harmonicas. There are tin. Super quick. Is there a blues traveler cover band?

It should be. I had this made special, you know, this vest. It has 112 compartments for small out-outts containers. And how many are filled? They are 112 is filled. Oh, so every single one is filled. And how do you differentiate? How do you remember which is which?

Because they each have a particular parkin' that they go into. We got to make sure we remember this for your action figure, by the way. Yes. The Altoids. Wow. On proper vest. Okay. If it's too hard to make, I don't always wear it.

So you've never gotten confused one day where you're like, this food's too bland and you take out the wrong altoyed's tin and you've put on... It's literally impossible for this to happen. It is. Is there some sort of mechanism by which you're like, if say you're asking, if say you're accidentally reach for it. It's like a failsafe where it's locks up or something. Sort of like in war games where you need two soldiers to open up the one tin or something. I don't need any soldiers. No. No. I have an incredible memory. I have memorized the pockets on the vest. I know exactly which pocket goes with which ones. Okay. There's no possible way. How much.

Okay. So each tin, I'm assuming, is a dip contains the flakes of a different kind of salt. Yes, of course. And so how many of those, how many, how many? of those varietals are being used on pretzels? Of these ones? None of them. Oh, so this is your private collection. So this is salt that does not come from the factory, other than the one tin that does come from the factory.

Some of it comes from the factory, and some of it is salt I have found amongst my own and my salt finding. I see. Why is some of it in the factory if none of these are used on pretzels? What kind of salt would be in the factory if it's not going to be used on these pressers? It's extraordinary. You're so flaunting your ignorance of how salt were. in a pretzel factory.

The salt comes to me. I inspected to determine whether it is salt suitable for a pretzel or whether it is not good enough to go in a pretzel or too good to go in a pretzel. Or whether it's intended. Purpose in the world is for something else. You said something interesting to me.

You said salt comes to you. From where? Well, we talked about this, I believe, on one of our last episodes. Doesn't it come from someplace in Africa or something like that? Do all these different salts? Are you, is part of your

traveling going to different places to find different salts? Yeah, I do that. Are you like a prospector for salt? I do a lot of sourcing my own salts. I think at one point we were trying to get you maybe to move there because you're so good at that part of the job. Like, why do they need you as the inspect? Also, the other thing I was trying to figure out one of the last times you were here

is if you are inspecting the salt from its source, why do you need to re-inspect it once it gets back to the family? Because you don't know what will happen in transit. Yeah, I mean, you've got to have humidity. Don't do the first step. What do you mean? Don't do the first. Just have them send whatever salt to you and then you inspect.

Scott, I'm not even an expert and I know what you're saying is absolute dog shit. It makes no sense. I don't want to re-litigate this argument. The guy's an expert. You barely remember old episodes. It just seems like you could cut out one of these things. Do you think Michelangelo sends me any old slam? See, he says, please, send me any old slab of marbles and I'll make it into the David.

I'm sure he has to pick which one has David inside of it. Of course, exactly. That's what I am doing. But, but, Do you think he goes and picks the slab? Yeah. And then he has someone carry it over there. And then he re-inspects the slab of like, is this the slab?

Of course. What my guess is he probably picks a bunch of slabs, has them sent over, and then picks from the ones that have survived the trip, which one he's going to make the David out of. Yeah, that's right. That's what he does. That's what I do. I'm just like a Michelangelo from salt. Okay, okay. I apologize.

I apologize. Where, where, like, like, and forgive me if this is a material that's already been covered. But where does the best salt come from, in your opinion? Well, the best salt, in my opinion, comes from Snake Island in Brazil. Oh, wow. It's extremely dangerous there. That's right. Because of the snakes?

That's what we talk. Because of the snakes? I'm assuming because of the snakes. I mean, it's right there in the title. It's snake island. They're the most venomous snakes in the world, and they live up in the trees and they drop down on you. And all they want to do is bite you. All they want to do is bite you.

You can't reason with the snakes. I mean, it's sitting right there. That's an Indiana Jones movie waiting to happen. He hates snakes. Isn't this hard target as well? What's the Jean-Claude Van Dam movie with a snake in it? Universal Soldier!

No, it's a hard target. It might be a hard target. I'm not sure. He grabs the snake behind her. Just like RFK Jr. did recently. Exactly. Robert, no. I grabbed the snakes.

All I wanted in that video was to watch him eat those snakes. I want to see the snakes eat him. That's so interesting. Even better. We're opposite in that way. How about that remake of anaconda? How about it? How about it?

How about it? Did you like it? No, I considered it unnecessary. Yeah, absolutely. It went a different way, though. No. You got to do Scott hasn't seen with me. Are you?

I had no idea you were such a centophile. Yeah, are you a big film buff? Oh, you bet you're believing I'd buff any film. Have you seen the Salt and Sea? The Salt and Sea? Yeah, the movie The Salt and Sea with Val Kilmer. No, I don't see that one. Oh, okay.

Is that because, hey, I'm not at work. How about Salt Burn? Yeah, forget that one. That's a perfect example of a movie I'm not going to see. You're not going to see. The idea of burning salt is terrible. No, no, it's like it's too much. It's like heartburn.

It's like having too much salt. Have you ever had salt burn where you're like, oh, God. Like, are your, is your blood pressure okay? Oh, I will never look at it. Wait, do you go to the doctor? No, certainly not. Never? I don't believe in them.

Why would you go to the doctor? All they do is tell you either everything is fine, keep doing what you're doing, or everything is bad change or what you're doing. And I don't want to do that. That is not what doctors say. Like both of those things. are fundamentally not right. I mean, they either say everything you're doing is great,

come, you know, you don't need to see me, or you're going to be dead soon. And either one of those is like, what's the point of knowing it? Yeah. I live my life. A lot of times they're giving you measurable ways to improve your life. Also, like, say you get hit by a car,

they didn't see that coming, did they? That's right. You know what I mean? Well, they're not psychics. If you could find a doctor, if you could find one that did see it coming. There should be a psychic doctor. I love this. And I'm shocked that there hasn't been one on this show

in 975 episodes. All right, we'll see what happens next week. That's an Indiana Jones movie. Next week, a psychic doctor and Jesus fucking Christ. August, I don't know that we have time for these travel tips. Well, it's your funeral. Maybe we'll get to them after the break, because we do need to take a break. What kind of a break?

But I will say, before we go to the break, I will say if you're out there and you think maybe you are August Lynn's parents, get in touch with the show. Yes. I think if you are August Lynn's parents, you are August Lynn's parents. parents, you probably know it. You know what I mean? Because you would have a memory of dropping off a child with assault inspector in Dusseldoll.

But maybe his name wasn't born in August. Maybe you weren't August Lintz to them. But much like the musical Annie, this has happened to a lot of kids around the same time, right? You were there with a lot of orphans. Yeah, that's true. Is it possible? Like, what's the possibility that August Lint was not German? That before nine years old?

Do you speak any other language? Like, I don't need. even really speak German. Ablazs Espanio? Like, what if Augusta Linn's parents were British or American and dropped him off at Schmeiderberg pretzel factory? Could be.

And he was raised thinking he was German. Yeah, exactly. You could be a Spaniard. Anything is possible, those guys. You could come from the Basque country. Of course. That's right. You could come from... Wait, that was pretty. Wait a minute. How did you know to do that?

It's possible. Wait a minute. Say a bifa. A bifa. Oh, no. There's no other way to say it. All right, well, we do need to take a break. If that's okay, in August, we'll try to get to your travel tips here.

But we're going to take a break. When we come back, we also have a musician is here. Do you like music, August? Not in the slightest. Okay, well, this is going to be a tough segment. Tough B block for August. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more Jason Manzukas,

more August, Lint, and a musician. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang, Bang, after this. Comedy Bang Bang! we're back. Jason Manzukas is here. Hello. The New England Manzukas is. Oh, yeah. And we also have August Lint here, who is here to give us some travel tips as we are going to the UK and Ireland very soon. You've been to Ireland? I can't recall.

Of course. I've been to all of this places. You've been to everywhere. You name a place. Tell me if I've been there. Texas. I've not had the chance to go yet to Texas. Names? Name another place? Any other place. Lisbon. Lisbon, yes, I've been there

You have been, okay, Chile. Yes, I've been to Chile. You've been to, okay, great. Yeah, I've been there. By the way, I wanted to say also, really good salt comes from the Donna Killed Depression in Ethiopia, which is a burning salt and sulfuric acid in the Dalairo-Dur. Right, that makes it what I was doing.

Yeah, you just wanted to set the record straight. Yeah, I've got to set a record straight on that. But Snake Island, don't sleep on Snake Island, but literally also don't sleep. You'd never go to sleep on Snake Island. Forget about it. You've got to stay 100% away. And if you do, you better be real high in those trees.

Oh, forget it. You couldn't. There's no way. Well, we do need to get to our next guest. We'll get to your travel tips, August. Well, I mean, a touring musician, I'm assuming? Probably travel tips are applicable to him as well. Travel tips, yeah, let's talk to him. He's a musician. Please welcome Dave Blinn.

Hi, Scott. Thanks for having me. Hi, hi there. This is Jason. How are you, August? Wonderful to meet you today. Hello, Dave. How are you? So good to meet you.

You're a musician. Well, I'm a former musician. Oh, no. You forgot how to play music? Which question would answer first? Take them in order. You retired and or you forgot. It was a sort of forced retirement.

Oh, wow. I may have forgotten how to play music, but that's not why I stopped playing it. What instrument do you play? Did you play? I did play all the percussion instruments that are not drums. Okay, so. Congas and bongos. No.

There's no, there's no, too close to drums. Shaker. Shaker. Yeah. Oh, okay. Triumphs, triangle. Tamborines. Xylophone.

I can, I can fake it on a tambourine, but I'm not great. Cal bell woodblock. Tamborines hard? The scratcher. The scratcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Castanets. Castanets.

Thank you. What's the scratcher? Is that like lotto tickets? What are you? It's not a lot of tickets. I'm sorry, Dave, did I insult you? No, I was just confused by that question. confused. Oh, okay. I don't know what the scratcher is. Oh, it's so tense. Right. No, no, no. Please. I know it's my

energy. I'm not, I'm not trying to to be. Everything all right, Dave. I mean, you say it was a forced retirement. Are you going through something right now? I've been going through something for decades now, I guess. Decades. How can you force somebody to retire from music? You get kicked out of a band, and then nobody else wants you in their band. Nobody. Oh, can't you start your own band? I tried to do that as well. Oh, wow. And nobody wanted to be in that. band. Oh, okay. I tried to go alone as a solo artist and just as a percussionist. Yeah, and that does not play drums and people said that was untenable. Yeah. When I when I would try to get gigs, I don't sing very well at all Jeremy Piven. Okay. And I would I would go to venues that,

that I had, you know, played with my previous band. Yeah. I'd say, hey, I'm solo now and they said, you just, you just like hit the chimes and stuff and the like the shaker. And I said, yeah. And I said, well, this is untenable. You can't do this. You said that to your previous band. You said, hey, guys, I'm solo now. You were hoping for them to say, oh, no, you're going to beat us.

If I'm honest, yes, that is what I was hoping they would say. And what they said was good for you. And also, I think that your solo career is untenable. Wow. So I'm hearing a lot of untenable. I heard that word. I heard that word so many times. Clearly.

And it's clearly impacted you. It started to like just sound like nonsense. Yeah. Did they get tired of saying it? I mean... No, nobody got tired of saying it. Did anybody... Did anybody have any insights?

People would catch up with me and say, hey, how's your untenable idea for a music career? Like, what would make it tenable is my question? If people wanted to see it? Yeah. Yeah. And that's where they were coming from. Was that nobody wanted to see what I had offered?

God, that sounds terrible. It was terrible. It sounds terrible. It was untenable. Sorry, can I ask... It was untenable, as it turns out. Can I ask you... And feel free to say, I can't say...

say it on mic or whatever, but I'll say anything. You'll say, okay, do you mind telling us? His team is out into driveway too. They're waving their arms saying no, no, no, no. I'll say whatever you want me to say. Okay. Oh, wow. I mean, I'll say things that aren't true.

You can tell me whatever. Well, tell us this. This is the sound of a defeated man. The stuff that I want to say will be true, but if there's anything you want me to say, it doesn't have to be. Yeah, so we could just put words in front of you and you'll say.

Absolutely. So cameo rules. basically. We can just write whatever for you to say. Yeah. I don't care. Okay. Would you say August, I am your father and I love you? Yeah, you're ready for me to say it right now? Okay, wait, not that second part, just the first part. August, I am your father. August, I am your father.

That's wild. That's wild. Do you want to get out the DNA kid? Yeah, of course. How old are you? Do you mind me asking? Well, I'm old enough to have seen a certain documentary and... What about the other documentary? Old enough to have seen a second certain documentary. Oh, wow.

And nearing an age where I would see a third documentary. I think this guy is old enough to me. This guy might be old enough to be your dad. Let me get my von battle after another kid. When you were with your band, did you guys ever tour Germany or anything like that? I did not get a chance to do that. Oh, I have a question. Yeah.

Did you ever send a kid over to Dusseldorf to be a assault inspector? That maybe we'll narrow it down. Did I ever send a what? A kit? A child. A child, oh, a kid. Yeah, not a baby fox. I mean, I did, I did have, I did have a few children out of wedlock that I was not ready to be a father to.

Oh, believe me, people told me that too. Yeah, they said it's untenable sin like this. And so you were not ready to be a father. That's a band thing. Yeah, so I would say six or seven children I probably gave away. Oh, wow. Gave away? What kind of giving away?

Well, if people wanted a child, I would say, I have one. So like Ma and Paw Kent style? Just. Yeah. We've been praying for a baby. Honestly, one, I did put in a fake space capsule. I went to this couple that I knew. And they had a big, big, you know, property.

And so in the behind their house, I did dig like a kind of a hole, like to make it look like this space capsule. Or like how did you get trench? And were they had trouble conceiving? And so was this like a real boom for them? Yeah. How did you make the space capsule? Was it like paper mache? I just built it out paper mache, yeah.

Oh, really? Did it fly? Yeah, of course it did. Oh. So do these people believe to this day that they are raising an alien child or that they have raised a space alien child? They probably know by now he's not an alien because you can't do anything. Here's what I'm going to say. As far as you know.

Here's what I'm going to say. And no offense because I'm certain your dreams are your dreams and they cannot be changed. That's so true. But if you can invent flying paper. Paper Meshay spacecraft? You don't need to be a percussionist. Okay, if it's flying, I should say, because it was so lightweight, it's just the wind kind of picked it. Oh, you threw it up in the air.

More of a glue-r-a-old. Because if you build, if you build, you know, an internal engine out of paper-machet, it's not going to work. Sure. As far as we know. But I did. You did build all of the engine. No, no, I built it as if it were an actual space capsule all out of paper-machie. Did it run on any kind of fuel?

Open white, please. Thank you. That's not supposed to taste good It's cotton It's supposed to feel good It did feel good Nice and soft And so this is the DNA test

Does it test for anything else Oh yeah It tests for all the major STDs Oh okay cool That's fine Hey you were gonna ask me If I about something Oh yeah this is probably not important

How long does this take by the way August Exactly as long as we have Oh okay Interesting We'll find out during plug So I guess so

The minute the plug bag is closed. Something like that. Something like that. Yeah, Dave, I was going to ask you, and this is probably not important. You can call me, Dave. I can't call you, Dave? Yeah. Sorry, that's the only name I have, Dave.

Yeah, you can call me that. I will. Is that okay? Yeah, no, I'm telling you, it is. Well, okay. It's still so tense. I know, there's something about him. I will call you, Dave.

Thank you. Yeah, please do. Yeah, that's my name. I would say that the permission to call you, Dave, was implied when my producer gave me your name. And that is the name that you gave to my producer to give to me. I didn't know. Look, I can't read mine, so I don't know if you were feeling.

You can't read minds. I don't think so. So you're not. What am I thinking right now? Man, I don't know. I'm thinking you're fucking irritating, man. Wow. Wow.

I don't understand what's happening. Nothing, nothing. I'm sorry. I look, I apologize. I have a question. I guess I accept your apologies. I have what I can't believe we haven't asked it. I think the most obvious questions.

Oh, is it the one I was going to ask? Maybe what's the question you've got asked? Let's say it on three. No, let's count down from three. Okay. Three knows one. What? Three knows one.

Okay, I'd never do it like that. Ready? Three knows one. Box, that's all the best drummer. So you were the only one that actually had the question and you didn't ask it. You didn't say anything. You just looked at us. I got as far as what.

I was in a raptured by, I didn't know you were going to talk. Is it because you wanted so badly to hear what everyone else was saying? I can't listen and speak at the same time? I can't, yeah, sorry. Anyway, can you answer mine last? Mine was what? Okay, what? I don't know.

Boxers or briefs? I would say, if you're going to use either of them for carrying stuff, you're going to either way I would say boxers because you could tie the legs into a knot and then you could carry stuff Oh but which part do you put on your body?

Oh I don't wear underwear Oh you free ball it? Yeah I'm cool guys So for you boxers are briefs Or it's just a question about how to transport items Yeah It's mostly what's best to create a bag

People give me underwear for Christmas You don't own any bags Why people keep giving me this underwear And you fashion it into some sort of like bindle or something? Yeah, well, I was like, what else am I going to do with this? And I was like, I know what I'll do. I'll sew the leg shut.

Yeah. And then I carry stuff. Oh, so you go with, you go as far as to sew them shut. Yeah. That must take a lot of time just buy a bag. To sew the legs of boxers to close? How much time? Like, at least 20 minutes.

I listen to a podcast. I watch a TV show. What podcasts are you listening to? I'm so curious. A guy like you. Do you watch Yellowstone, by the way? Are you a dad? Are you watching Dutton Ranch?

You know what? I don't have any show. I've given them all away, but I do watch everything in the Taylor Sheridan version. Same. Let's get into it. You are a father genetically, and that's what you. Yeah, I think that's what happened. I also don't have children, and I'm well-versed in the Sheridan verse.

Yeah. Then you go to Trader Joe's and you bring your own shopping bags, are they underwear? Yeah. And do they say anything about that? They ring that bell. They ring the bell every single time you go in? Yep. How many bells is that for underwear bags?

Oh, they go crazy. You think it's like the British are coming, you know what I mean? they're clanging that bell like it's you know what the fuck that movie with what's her name uh you're gonna have to be more specific Joan of our woman in a movie I think that's all I got

a woman in a movie and a movie yeah the movie with what's her name where they ring the bell Aaron Brockovich Did they ring a bell in Aaron Brockovich? Probably some bell at the end of the trial I think so yeah I bet a doorbell got pushed at some point for sure yeah The best drummer?

I can tell you who it's not. I got two candidates for who it's not. Oh, wow. So you've got a worst list, not a best list? That jibes with your general demeanor. It's certainly not cheese. Cheese? Certainly not fresh cheese.

Oh, wait a minute. These names are ringing about it. It's certainly not Ziggy Narley. Oh, Zieg. Okay. I think we do know a little bit. This is a little bit interesting. It's certainly not Ed's.

Zeppelin. Oh, I mean, I know who that is. That's the percussionist. Hey, Dave, can I ask you a follow-up, if you don't mind since I asked about drummers? Yeah. Have you always gone by the name Dave Blin? No, I had a, I had a few different names when you were playing drums. Or when you were playing percussion. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I was in a band. Why do you not want to play drums? Oh, you look so upset. Oh, there's so much to like, like assemble and disassemble. Oh, okay. Like the Avengers. You have to keep a beat. percussion too. There's a lot of elements to a percussion set up.

I mean, if you have a couple of... You don't have to use them all at once, though. You know what I mean? That's true. If you have a couple of shakers, I guess you take them out of the case. What? Yeah. Here's the thing.

My percussion setup is, I have a big box. Well, the percussion shit in there. Oh. And so if I need something, you just pull it out. Pull it out. So it's almost like you're like a 20-year-old sketch performer who has all of his costumes and props in one box in his closet. You hang a clothes line across the stage and put hats and wigs on it.

and pick them off? What? I apologize. Man, I've never met anybody like you guys. You're really interesting. Thank you. Okay, well, I do want to ask because I feel like you listing those drummers

whose names are familiar to... And one percussionist. Yes. Their names are familiar to the three of us. You know that we didn't kick you out of any band. No, I'm not mad at you guys. You're not mad at us. You seem like you're mad at us.

I was intentionally trying to invert my eyes and invert them. You're trying to invert your eyes. So you can see your brain? I've been trying to do that for years. If it could put it off, it would change everything. Here's the thing. I don't believe that's what our brains look like.

That's the limitless drug. You don't think that's what they look like? I don't think it's what they look like. I think that's like. Do you think it's like guacamole when you open it and suddenly shrivels? Do you think it's like an alien autopsy? Like that whole, all the science behind what brains look like is a scale? Guys are really throwing a lot at me right now.

Do you know how when you open up guacamole and then within like 20 minutes it looks gross? I've never had guacamole in my life. You never eat guacamole? I've had it. I've had it made. I'm very curious about it. Are you guck curious about it? You've never had it made tableside?

No, I've had it made table salt a million times. And then you send it away. And then I say, no, thank you. One of the pockets in my vest is guacamole salt. If you ever change your mind. Giacomoli salt? Yeah, salt's perfect for guacamole. That's the thing about restaurants.

Oh. They go to every single table and they make guacamole and then they ask you if you want to It's crazy. It's, yeah, I agree. They must waste so much guacamole. I'm assuming they all eat it themselves. Because they say, would you like us, would you like us to make you some tableside guacamole?

And I say, of course. Because you want to see the show. Yeah, why would I turn that down? Of course. It's like going to a magic show and saying like, hey, would you like to see me pull this rabbit out of that? But you don't have to eat a rabbit. Hey, kids, want to see me pull a rabbit out of my hat.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Rocky. Remember Rocky and Bullwinkle? I mean, yeah. Bullwinkle tried to get Rocky to watch his magic trick, but it always went wrong. Right.

You're a big fan of Rocky and Bowling. No, I hate it. They're frustrating. I hate them. Then why keep watching them? Because I keep thinking one day Bull Wiggles's going to serve themselves. They haven't made these shows in decades. No, is that true? Yes.

No, these are not new shows. Well, you're watching very old cartoons. Unless you've been watching the movie? I was going to say some of them I was like, they've been through this. Those are reruns. Why, these guys are all reruns? They're having these circular discussions.

How many times has he graduated from what's about you? well Dave I want to I want to ask you this question because it seems like on your worst drummers list they're all from a certain band that yeah they are the three of us yeah that's true know a little bit about because we've now I'm inverting my eyes so you don't think I'm mad at you okay we've seen a documentary about um can I ask the the band that you were kicked out of uh does it happen to be dread zeppelin yes wow wow this exciting I was dread I was dread I was dread I was dread I was Zeppelin. Are you familiar with the band? Oh, yeah. We've seen a song of hope. And we've talked about it extensively on the show. Oh, you've seen that? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I think if you look in the comment section of the documentary YouTube channel, quite a lot of other comedy bang bang people have also been made aware of the documentary. Do you recall seeing me in that documentary? I don't recall seeing. I was just thinking that.

I would remember, like a sullen guy who's staring daggers. I certainly remember cheese. Oh, fresh cheese? Fresh cheese. I remember him as well. Zepplin was hilarious. Oh, my God. So funny. He had dreads. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I loved all of the guys from the band. Yeah. Tortelvis, of course. Tortelves is a star. He's a genius. Yes, yes. And are really good. You just say despicable?

Yeah, he's a coward. You must be talking about despicable me, right? And the minions? No, I'm talking about despicable him. Tortelvis. Dispicable Tortelvis? Hey, I wouldn't pay to see that movies. Tortelvis and the minions teaming up.

Tortelvis as grew. in live action minions. I love this idea. I wouldn't see it. And the minions do all reggae covers of songs. Yes. I love this. This is so good.

This is a million dollars idea. Well, I hope the minions don't get kicked out of the band. Why were you, why are you kicked out of Dred Zeppelin? You weren't in the documentary. It was, they,

okay. It started with my stage name. Okay. Dave Blin? It is a little boring. That's my real name. Oh. Oh.

Okay. That's my government name. What's your stage name? Well, I had to go through a few because they kept getting turned down. This guy, Jaapal Joe. Yeah, Jopal Joe. He's real tyrant. He was like the visionary of the band.

Yeah, he's sort of the spiritual. He was riding my ass. Really? So first I say. And he has full veto power, huh? Well, he would say, what do you think, Tertelvus, knowing that Churchill's going to say, whatever you think, Jobbo Joe.

Rubber stamp, whatever he says. When you let two people who are in sync like that have two separate votes, they should vote as a block. You know what they did? Because they're always going to agree. They did. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like they should get one vote instead of two separate ones because they're always going to help vote you. They're always going to help you. I wish that had happened. Yeah. And then the rest of the band did not get a vote. At all. It was just the two of them? Wow.

It was the two of them and you. They decided every really Jopaljo decided everything. Tortelvis just went along with it. But if Tortelvis disagreed for Chopinjo's for Debya tiebreakings? He never disagreed with him. Never, never came around. He was afraid of him. I've gone.

He was afraid of him. You ruled with an iron fist. They didn't go over this in a documentary. Here's why. It sounds like he's kind of the Colonel Tom Parker to our television. I'll tell you what. He's Luke Cage. I'll tell you what he's ruling with an iron fist.

So the concept of the band. Not Danny Rand? Are you guys listening to me? Absolutely. Sort of. I am listening. I'm hanging on every word. This is really.

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time, but out with it, my friend. I don't know why you're talking about Luke Cage just now. Do you know Luke Cage? Have you seen? the Mike Coulter starring Netflix series? He was part of the Defenders. Okay, okay.

I have not seen this. Do you know anything about the MCU or the Netflix-A-S-N-C-U? I know a little bit. What do you know? Madam Webb. That's not the Empire. Marby as the vampire. No.

Are those the only Marvel-related movies you've seen? Spider-Man, turn off the dark. You must think they all suck. They do, right? I can't believe those movies are so popular. ones. Anyway, tell us what happened.

What were some of your aliases? So, okay. Here's why, here's why Tortelvis is under, here's why Tortelves was under the thumb of Jaupal Joe. Okay. Because when they started the band,

the idea was it's going to be reggae covers of Led Zeppelin songs. Right. And the singer is going to be a Elvis impersonator. Got it. Okay. That's when they started it. That was the vision.

So that's three things, right? Yeah. when tortelvis came up with his name Jopal Joe said that covers the Elvis part but the tort part has nothing to do with any of the other aesthetics that we're going for interesting

well isn't it because in this I'm basing this on the information in the documentary his name is tort is it is it tortellie is he was he one of the tortellies yes from from cheers and the spinoff. Yeah.

They got our own show. Yeah, but that doesn't fit with the aesthetics. With Casey Kasem's wife, right? Who, like, hid his body from people? Oh, yeah. Hit Casey Kasem's body from people? Oh, for months.

She refused to release him to be buried. Makes it hard to watch the Tortellies these days. I don't admit. That happened to James Brown, too, you know. And Charles Manson. Hard to know what to do with a famous dead body. Hey, Bush. Man.

And Mitch McConnell. believe. No, he just called me this morning. I talked to him for 20 minutes. It was a great conversation. He had a lot of questions about a reason how did this get made episode. Oh, great. Look how for Lord Dave Blin looks. I'll go. I'll go. No, we want you here. I feel like I'm dragging you guys

down. Yeah, but it's okay. I mean, it's the in your power. Clearly want to talk about other stuff and I'm just getting in the way. I'm dying to get to my travelist chips. Tell us about your aliases though because I'm trying to, well, can I finish the one story that I had first? Well, yeah, the Tortel

part, the tort part was based on his real name. I think of tortellini. I think of it as a portmanteau of tortellini and Elvis. But tortellini has nothing to do with reggae music, Elvis, or Led Zeppelin. It has to do with him being slightly corculent.

Look, look. Because he ate a lot of tortellini. Look, look, look. And that's Elvis related. Look, we don't, first of all, Elvis is not famously eaten a lot of tortellini. We know that he ate peanut butter and banana sandwich. Sure. Right? But I don't think he turned down a plate of tortellini. No, he probably didn't, but then it's like...

You can't call yourself peanut butter or banana sandwich is Elvis. Why not? Why can't you? Why can't you? I don't know. I don't make the rules. You're right. Did you ever bring that up?

A million times! But here's the thing. You could maybe call yourself P.B. and B. Elvis. P.B. and B. Elvis. It's too close to BBL. What's that? Brazilian butt lift. Oh, cool.

This was before that was a thing. Wait, are you guys going to Brazil on tour? We are going to... Are you going to Turkey and Brazil? Turkey? Yes. Turkey and Brazil? Yes.

Everybody comes home with new hair and butts. Why don't you go to Mexico? Get your mouth fixed. I'm fixed. Yeah. Fuck you. There's a place. There's a place there called Molar City.

What do they do? It's almost an entire town of dentists. Molar City? That cater to Americans coming to Mexico. No. And it's literally called? Moller City or it's like it's a nickname yeah yeah Dave you have lit up when you're talking about this I love Moor City he's like he's talking about this this is your passion I love molars City

it's not percussion it's look at my teeth incredible right wow I'm writing this down it's $75 they're all molars I had like Shane McGowan teeth before a town full of dentists this the most exciting thing I've heard a long time great it's just a beautiful town wow is there like one entertainer Yeah, and he measures people with the inner town Because if anything goes wrong, you can't sue them Yeah, right

You're just, that's just what happens Once you enter those city limits Yeah, what happens in Mola City stays If it goes badly If it goes badly, if it goes bad Did you tear your headphones out? Did you tear your headphones out? Did you tear your headphones out?

So Job Paul Joe What did he say? He said, Okay, I'll let that name go Tortelves You can have Tortelvis. But remember that I did you this favor. And then ever since then, Tortelvis just yes-manned, whatever Jopaljo said.

It seems like a favor like that gives you one, like, yes-maning. You would think. But he chose to do it just a blanket yes-man for every. Any time that something came up to a vote. And it's a three-person vote. It's you, Torter-Telves. No, I don't have a vote. Oh, so it's just the two of them.

It's just the two of them. Wow. And if Tortelis said, no, John, Port-Joe, I don't agree with you this time. I want to do a different thing. What would John Paul Joe says? Yeah, what would John Paul Joe says? He would say that it goes to whoever was bringing the sort of plea before them. Oh, I see.

So. Then you got to do it. But then it would, but then wouldn't it always then be, wouldn't it always then be, what am I trying to say? I don't know, ma'am. I'm not a mind reader, which I tried to tell you and you got mad. What am I thinking right now? Something about Luke Cage. Yeah, probably.

Honestly. So anytime it came up to, okay, here's, the voting system worked like this. It was very simple. Okay. If you had a change, if there's something you wanted to do on stage, you know, introduce a different instrument. If you suggested a song to cover. First, you had to go to John Paul Joe. Okay.

And he would say, ding, ding, ding. He didn't have a bell. He would say ding, ding, ding. He would say ding, ding, ding. Right, like that woman in that movie. Huh. Yeah. Ring in the bell.

I wish you could remember. Right. So then everybody had to gather around, and Jopal Joe and Tortelves would stand up on a couple of chairs. And Jopal Joe would say, hear you, hear ye, all ye who would have claim with this court step forward. This is so formal. Yeah. It's fucking stupid. When Q would put Picard on trial.

Would show up on the Enterprise? Quinty Jones? No, no. No, no, no Quincy Jones was on the Enterprise No, no, you ever read his interview? That one interview? Did I ever read that one interview?

No. Which Quincy Jones? Yeah, it's great. Oh, he's wild. Just look up Quincy Jones interview. He said whatever to fuck he wanted you. He just did the one? That's why.

He did one so well that it's the one that will come up. Wow, okay. So. Is it cue the winged serpent? Do you want to finish your story, man? Hey, Dave. Hey, you guys, I'm going through a hard time. Wait.

Yeah, we're on now. How? You have been fired from this band for decades. Yeah. And you have a blackballed from music. You have a passion. All I can do is play percussion instruments. You have a passion for Molar City, though.

Why not lean in? Cheryl Sambord. Yes. And what? Become a dentist? Why not? Why not? How old were you when you left the band?

Yeah. God, it would have been like 29. I mean, perfect. Yeah. How long's it take to become a dentist? Probably like two years. I was even going to say less. In Mexico?

In Mexico? In Mexico? Yeah, I bet you could move there today and be one. I mean, ideally, you would have been dropped off with a dentist's family when you were a child and raised by a dentist. Did that ever happen to you? Did someone ever drop you off to Dred Zeppelin? What do you think?

When you were a young? When I was a baby, did I ever get dropped off at a dentist? Or at a percussionist. I was older when I got dropped off at Led Zeppelin by my mom. Oh. Who said, okay. good luck at the audition money. Have fun playing with your friends.

Yeah. And I did for a little bit. Yeah. It must have broken her haul. Job Paul Joe hated me from the outset. So when I went to the tribunal, which is just two guys. Oh, so the way it works is... Here you, hear you.

A bye. Job Paul Joe and Tortelva. Job Paul Joe votes first. Right. He says yay or nay. Right. If he says yay and Tortelva says yay, you get to do it. Sales through.

If he says nay and Tortelva says nay, you don't get to do it. Right. If he says yes. yay and Tortelves says nay, you get to do it. If he says nay, Tortelves says, yay, you get to do it. Okay. I believe that's all of the options. Yes, permute, yes.

But if Jarpoor Joe says yay and Tortelves says nay, then it sounds like Jar Paul Joe says, remember Hoover's nice enough and let you have your name you wanted? Yeah, that doesn't sound like Tortelves is rubber stamping everything Jopal Joe said. No, no, no. That's the way we're told it works. Oh, right. What happens is that whatever John Paul Joe says, if he doesn't want something to happen, he'll say, I got to say nay. What do you think, tort Elvis?

Oh, he stresses the tort. Yeah. And then tortelvis is like, I say, what do you say, Joe? I'm doing it. I'm exaggerating. No, but it is a dead. If you haven't seen the documentary, it's a dead on him, Brett. I got to say, this court needs a little tort reform.

Oh, that's beautiful. That's really nice. People don't like it when I said that. You said that. Yeah. Well, let's hear you say it. Yeah, let's hear you. I said after one of these stupid votes, pointless show votes, I said.

On shows to do. What? No, the vote is just for show. Oh, I see. Okay. Are you okay? Are you okay, man? I'm fine.

We've been waiting for you to tell this fucking story for what seems like hours at this point. I guess I feel like. I got interrupted, but can I prove that? No. Interrupted with what? I mean, the genuine curiosity. I come to thinking when I never got to my travel tips. You know what?

Actually, let's let's pop it. We have to take a break. What? I've been putting off this break for 10 minutes. Okay, but once we do a break, we got to get a tip. We got to do just a tip. I want to hear the end of the story. I want to hear just one tip.

We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Jason Manzukas, more with August Lint and we will have more with Dave Blin. Factor that into whether you come back from the break or not. I don't know. I'm just a guy. Yeah, that's the problem. You're just a guy.

I have an interesting story to tell if you'd let me tell it. Okay, all right. We're going to hear the end of the story on the other side of the break. You barely are at the beginning. What? All right. We're going to come right back. We'll be right back with more comedy bag back after this.

Comedy Bang Bang, Bang. We're back with Jason Mandukas over here. And we also have August Lint. And we're going to be hearing travel tips at least one before. And also the question of whether or not Dave Blinn is your father is here. And we're waiting for the results on that DNA. That question is here. There is no offense. I hope I'm not.

Why do you hope you're not my father? I don't want to be a dad. He gave away his kids for a reason. Can I ask about your results? on your one battle after the other DNA test. Wait, you're going to ask, I thought results speak for themselves. Yes, but I want to ask about the manner in which they're delivered. Are they delivered Moripovich style where an envelope comes out and then you open the envelope?

It's actually Mori Popovich comes out. Mori Povic comes out. Right now he has received a notification that the... That's why it takes 45 minutes? That's the only reason. My understanding was that Moripovic has to deliver all paternity tests. Oh, yeah. it is. Sometimes if I'm far away

like farther than 45 minutes he'll call. Just zoom in. Yeah, zoom in or something like that. How come when he said Moripovic comes out, you didn't get confused and say oh, is he gay now? Okay. I wouldn't say that's an accurate because he's been married to. I just wondering. I would say

that he's been with Johnny Chung. I'm just wondering. The most you thing. I'm just wondering. Arguably Dave Blinn has has you absolutely nailed. I don't think so. this guy who just met you fully understands the scale and scope of your nonsense

I doubt that we also have Dave Blin here who honestly I'm not fond of at all yeah man I don't know how we got off on the wrong foot do you want to apologize then for what for getting off on the wrong that implies that you came in here with a fucking

sour out attitude and you've just been a bummer this entire time we're just trying to have a little fun here I don't see it that way how do you see it well I see it is I'm just trying to tell my Story. Can I ask, did the members of Dred Zeppelin, did this ever come up of like, hey, you suck to be around, you are a depressing person? Did any of these, are any of these sentences familiar to you?

You're not going to believe this. But actually, when I was kicked out of the band, a lot of the people in the band were like, why? He's the most fun guy that we have here. Really? Really? All I try to do is make things fun. And Jopaljo didn't like that. Wait, are you trying to make this fun right now?

No, I'm just trying to tell my son. story. Oh, okay. Can we get an example of what you're like when you try to have fun, though? Like maybe when you're in Moeller City? Yeah. Oh, man, when I'm in Muller City. What's it like? The best place on Earth. Look at you light up. The best place on Earth. You light up. You just, it's just street after street of dentists. You know that if you ever like, run into a pole and damage a tooth or something, you're taking care of. Yeah. Isn't that a great secure feeling? Yeah. Like, do they walk? They have poles all over the place. Now, because there's so many dentists, yeah, is it the kind of place that is there also a million candy shops?

Or is there no candy shops? It's all dentists other than the one undertaker. It's all dentists and the undertaker who does. Oh, so there is nothing else. Truly. I would imagine. There's nothing else. There's no other infrastructure.

I would imagine a candy shop would be like a honeypot kind of situation where, you know, a dentist would be trying to lure someone in to try to get this. But I mean, if candy gave instant cavities, yeah, I guess they'd have candy stores there. They shouldn't vent that. What? They shouldn't vent candy. that gives instant cavities. Jesus Christ. I don't know what I did wrong there.

This is absolutely brutal. I don't agree that they should have learned that. I don't know what I did wrong there, and I'm sorry, whatever it was. Just open your fucking ears, all right? I guess I thought, well, this guy's not saying they should invent candy that gives instant cavities

because it didn't make any sense to me. No, they shouldn't invent it. And my opinion, they shouldn't invent it. Why not? Because who would want it? Well, you know how those dentists on Halloween, they give out toothbrushes, which is terrible. I think it's great.

They should, instead, that's like cutting off their own business. They should give out candy that gives instant cavities, then they have a client the next day. They're just trying to show, like, we care about your teeth, but they, of course, they love Halloween. If they gave out candy, you'd call them hypocrites. If dentists gave out candy,

they'd open themselves up to being called hypocrites. They should just turn out all their lights, put on like a spooky Halloween record that would scare people away. Go away. Wait, what is that? Go away. That's actually pretty...

See, this is also a skill you've got. Yeah. Do you do any other spooky sounds? How about this? Yee! That's actually also a witch. Maybe this is a... Maybe part of your thing should be not...

Maybe what makes your untenable music tenable is these vocalizations, these spooky sounds. It's not fun to do that stuff. I love the shaker. I love the tambourine occasionally. You can play those too. I'm just saying. You know how Talking Heads went down to the Bahamas to record their album? You should go to Muller City and record a full sound effect.

This would be great. That's a great idea. You could draw a freaking open door. That would be heaven. And you could put like a bone, like a hidden track at the end of you banging on whatever the fuck you like to bang on. But you know what I mean? Like,

I think you love making these sound effects. I don't actually. I love percussion. The sound effect you just have to be good at. How often do I play? How often are you playing? Oh, I'm sorry. Like, are you practicing?

Are you... Why are you... I'm doing the best I can, man. This is the best you can? I mean, I will say, like... I misheard something. You've misheard, like, quite a lot. Two things so far.

It's been, for sure, more... The cavity thing and that. He's misheard more things than I... Come on. He's misheard tooth things? Tooth things. Jump down his throat now. Is that what you said?

Tooth things? No. You didn't say toothed things. Tooth things? You miss heard tooth things Tooth things? Tooth things? Tooth things.

Tooth hings. No! I thought you said you'll miss her two things pertaining to teeth. Tooth things. No, I don't know what tooth hings are. August, you were saying you had a travel tip? Oh, boy! No, we don't have time for that quite yet.

We gotta hear your... Okay, so... Where are we in this story? Job Paul Joe realized the way to get me out of the band. Everybody loved me. Everybody loved me. We never heard the names. That's what he's...

Is that what we're doing? That's where we're headed. Oh, okay. Everyone loved me. Love having me around. Jopal Joe did not. So he was like, how can I get this guy out of the band? Legitimately, so-called.

Okay, single quote on that. So he kept making me change my names. First, I was Jha Bon Javi. Great. He said, no, I'm Jopal Joe. And there's another guy who's got Jha. And there's also... There's a guy named cheese and another guy named Fresh Cheese.

Yeah. And he's like, no, it's too confusing. Whoa. I like that, though. Job on Jovi? Job on Jovi? Job on Jovi or job on Jovee? Jabon Javi.

Yeah, I love that. Job on Javon Javon Jav. J. Jav on. So far, I'm on. What about Jabba, like, Jabba the hut? The end. Jaba.

That's on my list. And like Shaba ranks, like Shaba ranks, you could, Jabba. Shaba the hut was the name that I came up with. He also rejected. Oh. J-A-H-B-B. Shaba the Hut.

Now who can't hear. You. twice yeah and me once so I'm winning okay now so far I'm on job Paul Jones aside by

if you were to see a world cup game and it was two to one who would you say it was winning I don't care what if you were to see a world cup game and it was two to one you would say the person

who has two is winning right are you into sports yeah I would yeah so I'm winning because you're saying you just heard one thing

but it's golf rules where you want the lowest So it's World Cup of Zero. It's World Cup of Golf Rules. What on earth? You are imploding. No.

This guy. This guy is getting it out of me. Too many episodes. 975 is too many. This guy's not cool, right? I think you might need to retire. You don't think this guy's cool? This guy?

Look, I mean, listen. His vibes are not great. Don't talk about me like I'm not here. I know I'm not cool, right? I know I'm not cool. I'm a guy. I'm almost 70 years. old. I got kicked out of Dred Zeppelin. I can't even tell my story.

Oh, this guy's sad. I feel like you're hanging on to this slight so much that it is ruined the I mean, you're almost 70 years ago. I know. That's exactly what's happening. Wow. My life is ruined by holding onto this grudge. Yes. Oh, I'm so sorry because you could have been living your best life in Moeller City. Oh, Moor City. God, I love it so much. Okay, so you, you went through Jabon Javi. Yeah, he said no. the HUD. Yeah. Majana.

I was dressed up like Madonna. Majana. Yeah, Majana. You were dressed up like Madonna in what way. Isn't that a GLP-1? The pointing bra era. Oh, Vogue?

Cone bra. Yeah. Cone bra ponytail era. I was going to say desperately seeking Susan's a little more here. I thought this was more showy. You could be Jopal Gotié, who created that look, I believe. If only, I wish I thought of that. Yeah.

Then I was like, okay, how about Iri Minogue? I love that. Harry Minogue. By the way, that's a good one. He said, he said, Kylie Minogue's not rock and roll enough. Interesting. And was she even around at this point? I mean, yeah, she was locomotion.

Remember, she covered locomotion. Oh, in 1989. For sure. How was that related to... What did you say? That's when the band was formed, Dred Zeppelin. Dred Zeppelin, yeah. How is it related to...

I believe I saw you, I thought I saw Dred Zeppelin in 1988 or so. You thought you saw them? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, ma'am. Maybe it was a... Maybe it was ball lightning. Maybe it was a weather balloon

That's your explanation for everything It was probably marsh gas Mm hmm All right Unexplained science Tyree Malog How does that have anything to do with food Italian food or pasta

It doesn't Which it's not supposed to Okay Iri Minogue Iri How does it have to do It's a roster business

Iri Iri is a term Maybe you should sit this one out Dude Okay You know I gotta say, Dave, you have a problem with me, you have a problem with him. Maybe you're the problem.

Maybe you guys are not paying attention. Because you're not, because you're going off in your tangent so much. Here's the thing. And I hate to do this, and I'm so sorry to do this, Dave, in the middle of your story. I think we've got to kick this guy out of the show. No. I have so few names left. I think we got to kick this guy out of the show.

This is really dragging the show down. I have one, two, three, four, five, five names left. This guy wanted me out of the band. It has taken you 45 minutes to do these four names. It's taken me 45 minutes to do it? Yes. You could save the next five super quick. You're saying the problem with me reading a list of nine names is me.

Yes. I got a proposal that would solve everything. Okay. Better not be travel tips. We alternate travel tip and band names. I'm willing to hear this. I love this. I'm willing to hear this.

Let's do it. I think that's adding time, but okay. Okay. So let's... If you think you're going to get through a travel tip, without these guys chiming in, good luck, brother. You could both do your things concurrently. At the same time?

Seems a little unfair he's gotten to do. What is this, wonder shows? He's gotten four names out. It's Altman. Everyone's miced and talking all the time. Why don't you do four tips so that you'll be equal? No, I don't want to do one. Okay, do one.

Make sure someone is keeping your wife company. Wait, because you left her behind? Yeah, she can't travel with you. Why? Because she never has. Oh, August. So someone who's keeping your wife? Who's keeping your wife?

Is it Mr. Smyderberg? Yeah, my boss, Mr. Smeidaberg keeps my wife company. Oh. I just want to, I don't want a big song and dance. I'm telling you a tip. Well, I'll be honest. I was expecting a tip that anybody, that I felt like wasn't going to be so revealing about your marriage? Oh, it's not revealing about my marriage.

Can I ask you a question? Does everyone get 10 months off or only you? Well, I don't know. But I get 10 months off. I assume everybody else does in the pretzel factory. Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, I'm right here. I don't know if we talked about this.

Can I talk to you for a second? I think he's... Hey, August, can I talk to you for a second? Sure. What's going on? He's the only one that gets 10 months. You just got all frustrated with the way... Smyderberg.

You're just trying to say your thing. And then he says, and he wants him out of the picture, right? As much as much as possible. And plus, bringing back to say to a water is my assumption. I feel like sometimes... I think he has said what's... We got to indicate to me.

We got to indicate to me. he's deliberately misunderstanding what I'm saying. He can't be about that. We've got to get rid of Dave, Blin. I'm not trying to be a bad guy. Two other precautionsists. But you do have a sudden energy that really does for people the wrong way.

But you know what doesn't help is people constantly undermining what I'm saying. This guy, Dave, Lynn, with intentional mishearing. We don't need an argument. And then excuse me of not being able to hear things. But you know what? We have access to Joe Bongo. Let's just call Joe Bongo. Yeah.

I see that. I see that. Dave. Dave. That's fair. Hear you. Hear you. We call this.

We call this meeting. God, I'm fucking kidding. It's come to our attention. Get off those chairs. Get off those chairs. These are our chairs. You can't tell another human being to get off chairs that they own. These chairs are on wheels.

It's unsafe. We're just not in need of a percussionist because we already have Joe Bongo and he's a percussionist and that means we're all full up. You think I can't see what you're trying to do? What's that? I'm not. Here's what's insulting. You're thinking that I'm thinking I came here to be the percussionist for you guys

I mean yeah the tour is about to start going all over the world This is not you making a play to come to Europe with us No, I don't need to go on tour with you I'm pretty sure Joe Bongo is going to meet us out there in one of the cities I don't know who that is but fine by me

Oh really? Every song is better with Bongo's You don't know Joe Bongo and his whole backstory? every song is better with bongos that can't be true that's what jo bongo says august you know joe bongo of course i know joe bongo you must run into it the bongo is the worst percussion instrument that there is now that's interesting what's the best oh timpony oh without a doubt great i mean they did use it in the uh you know the telethons all the time that's the closest to a drum that i'll play is the timpany is the timpity yes that's pretty close to a drum yeah what about a steel drum will you play those oh yeah another tune metal instrument, yeah?

No. What about, oh, what about mallet instruments? Marimba or Glock and spiel? It's too much work. Okay. How about a bunch of skulls? Yeah.

If they're around. Tuned skulls. If they're around, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From like a huge adult skull to a tiny baby skull? Yeah. So you get the whole range? Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. Oh, cool. All right. So, here's another name. Okay. So if he wasn't going to go for Iri Minogue, obviously Kylie Salasi was out. Okay.

Yeah. Kylie Salasi. Tone lock, which is tone loke, but with dreadlocks. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Tone lock. Patua Benatar.

Didn't go for that. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. I thought so. I like that. Babylon Cheney, where I was going to be Lanchini's Phantom of the opera, pushed up nose and the... Oh, it's Lon Cheney.

Yeah. It's not Lynn Chaney. No. It's not Babelin Chaney. No, I didn't know who Lynn Cheney was, though. Oh, that's right. It's in the past. And with a rasta wig on.

Yep. With like the hat with the dreads attached. So the push-up nose from fan of the opera with dreads. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, Jobball Joe did not love it. He didn't like it.

Okay. And the last one I gave him, which I thought was going to be great, was Fye and Ine young cannibals. What was that? That's a mouthful. Fy and I and young cannibals? You know I and I and I. Yeah.

I and I and I. And fine young cannibals. Yeah. Fy and nine young cannibals. Fy and nine young cannibals. Fai and Ine young cannibal I thought that was slam dunk That sounds like cannibal singular

I would be the Fy and I young cannibal Of course You thought that was a slam dunk Mr. President? A slam dunk that goes into the rimmedunk No I said slam dunk It's two to two You've tied it up or is it three?

Three to one Three to one Oh my God it's Belgian By World Cup soccer rules Golf Rules I agree that golf rules. I'll tell you that right now. Golf is awesome. Are you playing a lot of golf these days? Really? So how much of your travel is salt searching versus golf? Or is it you're doing them at the same time?

Well, Mr. Schmeiderberg has done a very nice thing lately. He has been sending me to like right in the sort of between Russia and Ukraine. Oh God. He's trying to kill you. I'm just going to say this. out loud. He is trying to kill you because he's with your wife. No, he's specifically sending me right down the border of Russia and Ukraine to go golfing. Oh, I mean, I think there's probably a lot of landline there. He can send you places

to go golfing? Of course. All of my vacations for the most part is places that Mr. Schmeiderberg has recommended to me. Snake Island. Where else? Snake Island. The Dornick Hill Depression. Well, I spent a long time in Chernobyl, you know? Yeah. Had a wonderful time there are because you really have to be fast

because there's radioactive wolves everywhere. See, we've been talking to you for such a long time, August. And when we first started talking to you, we thought that we were talking to you because you liked going to these dangerous places. It turns out Schmeiderberg is sending you to these places because he can spend ten... He's Smyterberging your wife.

He can spend ten months of the year absolutely blasting your wife. That sucks, man. That really sucks, man. No, no, no. I don't think that's what's going on at all. When you call home to talk to your wife, who answers the phone?

Always, Mr. Schmeier. But that's the arrangement. It's status. What arrangement? The arrangement is he's going to keep her company. Oh, God. And my children will call him father. Oh.

Are they your children? Yeah, I, yes, of course they're my children. How do you know? What do you mean? How do I... Do they look like you? You've got to give them this test? Oh, I would never subject my own children because there's no way they can be my parents.

We know what you look like. We know what you like. What does Schmeierberg look like? What does he look like? Yeah, does he have a combover? Does he, you know... This question number one. Is he wearing a salt vest?

You have a nice head of hair. Does he have any kind of... Is he balding at all? Well, listen, I don't like to say it. He has a... What is obviously a wig on the head. Oh, wow. It's a big curly wig.

Like a John 316? Something like that. Multicolored rainbow wig? Well, you know, I hate to say this, but it's obviously that it was originally a rainbow wig, but he's dyed as black. And sometimes the dye runs a little bit and you can kind of see.

And is he carrying a sign? This is John 316? He has a tattoo. Oh. On his neck. On his neck. Yeah. On his neck.

Yeah. I wanted to say it too. Anyway, that's nice to be part of the screen. So what are your kids looking? Sometimes, yeah. My kids are beautiful. Everyone has them bald. That's a cue ball.

Do they have tattoos on their necks? Well, yeah, of course. Just to keep track of it. I wonder if my kids are bald. so many of them out there. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I mean, look. I can't have kids with the job I have. Which is what? Which is what? What's that? You did have kids. No, I have fathered children, but I don't have children. What is your profession?

I'm an assault inspector. You're a what? An assault inspector? Yeah. So you're inspecting assaults? People, if people are going to get in a fight with someone, they contact me and say, Proactively. I want you to have watched them.

And then tell me afterwards, was this textbook? Oh. So you're doing it after the fact. But what if you want, you're grading them? I'm expecting it while it's happening. Then I give my grade after the assault. But like, how do you grade assault? You know what I mean?

Because what is the, what is the metrics? Well, it's the legal definition of assault. Great. And so people tell me to that they're trying to not get charged with assault, but they do want to commit violence against someone. So you're looking at like security camera footage or dashboard camera footage or something like that? I have done, you know, inspections of video assaults. but that stuff can be tampered with.

Right. So you are on site. I'm on site. People say, hey, I'm going to get in a fight behind this restaurant. Yep.

Yep. And I need it. It's going to happen between 7 and 7.30. It's kind of like an intimacy coordinator. In a way, yeah, except I don't coordinate anything.

I just watch it happen. Did you ever watch the... It's like being a perv. For violence. Yeah. Except I don't get any sexual gratification out of it. Okay. I just like to,

I like precision. Mm. And I like, I like people adhering to the letter of the law. Did you ever watch the Michael Jackson smooth criminal video?

A hundred times. Yeah. Where he's leaning over and all that kind. I did it, I did it up to 100 times and I said, I'm good. Yeah.

Up to 100. Yeah. And now you're trying to avoid it? Now, I will never watch it again. Oh, God. I'll never watch it again because 100 is such a perfect round number. Do you try to do everything in your life 100 times?

Yeah, absolutely. Oh, wow. So like, I'd be kicked out of 100 bands. Once I got kicked out of the first band, I was like, okay, well, now this is a thing. Now you have to do it 99 more times. What number was dreads out? That was number one.

It was number one. So then you got a taste for it. Well, everything in your life you have to do 100 exactly times. Sounds like he's going to be on this podcast 100 times. Oh shit. God damn it.

Maybe it's time I changed my way of doing things. Have you eaten like 100 pizzas in your life? Yeah. Oh, but then you just stopped. Then you turn off that. It's too bad. I miss it. 100 tacos.

It's so good. 100 tacos? Is there a loophole? Can you do 100 pepperobos? What are your coffees? 100 pepperoni pizzas, 100 mushroom pizzas, like it doesn't be the most macro description of it?

Pizza is pizza, okay, got it. So why should it be? What? How many bottles of beer? Are you at 99 right now? I'm at 98. What happens if one falls down? Yeah.

Well, then you take another one down, you pass it around. Right. Okay, got it. Yeah. Interesting. So two beers away from completion. Two beers away. Man, you've got to have those beers.

Are you waiting? Well, I'm stretching it out. Yeah. Because I really like beer. I miss pizza so much. I ate the pizzas in 100 days. Oh, no.

Because you were wanting to get it done as quickly as possible? I just loved it. I couldn't stop myself. Because I would think, like, yeah, I would be doing it. I could have done it in flowerily like 20 days. I would move through the things that I disliked the quickest to get rid of them. That's the lesson that I learned. Like has a bird ever shit on your head?

Yeah. And so you have to do it 99 more? How many times? Oh, so you've gotten birds to shit on your head 99 times? How do you do that? You look for trees with lots of birds. Oh, okay. I mean, I guess you could just go to an apiary.

Or an aviary, sorry. Yeah. And you've been stung by... But I have been to 100 apiary. Because you've been stung by a bee once and then you have... Yeah. Yeah. That one I was like, let's get this over with.

Yeah. What happens if you go... So I went into an apiary covering nectar. In that scenario, because you can get so many bees swarming you. What if you get more than 100? How do you stop it from going past... Oh, yeah. You can't control everything?

Well, I have... No, you can't. And that's a great point, August. Thank you. I have learned to have a sense of if something's happening to me, how many times it is happening very quickly. Got it. So with the apiary situation,

I knew when I hit the 90s, when I was in the mid-90s, I was like, okay, time to start back in a way. Yeah, like Jonah Hill. Time to start back in a way. Yes. Right. And so I had one of those.

What everybody knows, how you get away from bees. I had one of those smokers. I had one of those smokers. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I'm putting them to sleep. Steve Miller. we called.

No, I think those are jokes. Are you thinking of... I think those are tokers. Sometimes I call them Maurice. Wee, we, we, so, like, I was, like, you know, dispensing, like, a little cloud of smoke, so most of them are going to sleep. Right.

And then it's, like, it's just like five left. Okay, guys, go ahead. Right. Oh, yeah, I had it. Yeah. Now, I was thinking that you have... And guess what? Yeah.

That sucked. Oh, that sucked. Must be terrible. Because my first beast thing happened You know I was like 39 years old And I was like Now I thought you were gonna get away with it

I thought now I got to get stung by 99B Something has just occurred to me That is really upsetting for someone in your 70s Yeah Have you only had or will you only have 100 orgasms The unfortunate thing Is that I started this rule You know after I'd had

A number of orgasm already And I said I gotta count those I gotta count the one that I've had Oh you counted the worst previous ones. Had you already been keeping track of them? Doesn't everybody? I hadn't been keeping track of them, but I was able to retrace my steps in this much.

Retrace your steps. Like in a memory palace? Like going back through your search history? Yeah, I could remember every time I masturbated. Wait, do you have autobiographical memory? Do you have Mary Lou Henner disease? I have both of these. I have both of these.

That's an incredible skill. That's a phenomenal skill. You could be as successful as Larry Lou Hanna! I could be in noises off? Of course! I would love to see you in noises. I could be in Johnny Dangerously?

You'd be so good in both of those. She was in that, right? Yes, she was. You Fargan, ice hole? I was going to say, I thought that you had the dreadlocks and the super long, dirty Mike Campbell-type hair because you were in Dred Zeppelin. It's just because you've already reached your 100 haircuts? Yeah. Oh, no. So you can never have a haircut.

And your fingernails, I've noticed, super long. You've attained haircut 100? Can this show just be over? All right. 975, we're done. That's it. August, any more travel tips? Yeah, okay, listen.

When you're going, you've got to pick up some phrases that people use when you're there, such as in England, I'm going to pop around to shops for a Cadbury chocolate, or that it's as plump as a king's finger. Good tip. Wow, that's a good tip. That's a really good tip. Is there like a book of these phrases that you use or that you've written? No, that's a good idea. I should write a book on travel tips.

August Lintz travel tips. Another friend of ours says. I did do that. You haven't done that? I never wrote a book of travel tip. I assumed you were a travel guy. I do a lot of traveling, but I never wrote no book. He's being cucked by his boss.

He's assault inspector, which is ironic because you are an assault inspector. Yeah. So it would be very easy to mishear both of your professions. But ironically, we've not misheard those in a show full of misheard. What's really funny is my dad was an assorting. fault inspector. Really? That's interesting.

And he pronounced it as fault. A fault. A fault inspector. Isn't that something? That is really interesting. Wow. It's really interesting. It looks like the results of my test.

Oh, I don't think so. No, because we are running out of time, but we do have time for one final feature. That is a little something called plugs. Yes, thank you. That was T.HX plug bag by Chris Finke. Oh, Finky. Finkee. Finky.

A prolific. He makes. Do Boys drops. He does them all. How did this get made? He's no Count Dropula. You like Count Dropula? Yeah.

What did you say? I said you like Count Dropula? Yeah. Or the, I prefer Drop King. Wow. Four to one. Sharon Jones, the Drop Kings? She rang that, bell.

What are we plugging, guys? Obviously, we want to plug the comedy bang, bang ground beefing tour is continuing a pace. We're going to England and Ireland. And Scotland in just a week's time. We're going to be in London. Then we're going to, I believe, Bristol, Manchester, and Leeds, and then Glasgow. And then finishing it all up in Ireland. And that's going to be myself, Paul F. Tompkins, and Andy Daley are going to be on all those shows.

So that'll be a lot of fun. What do you guys? Do you have anything? Jason, do you have anything to plug here? I'll plug how to this get made, the podcast that I do with Paul Shear and June Day and Rayfield. And as you mentioned earlier, Taskmaster, season 19. the entirety of it is on YouTube. Great place to see it.

How come I can't find Taskmaster Australia Episode 9, Season 5, Episode 9? I don't know. Is it really missing? Contacting someone about that? It's not showing up on YouTube. Siri, text to Alex Horn. Listen up, motherfucker. What's up with the episode 9, Season 5, Australia, fuck-face?

Why are they blocking it? I watched it one through eight, and then nine's two weeks, two weeks hasn't been there. Wait, is this the season that's airing right now with Brett destroying everything? Yeah. Yeah, okay. All right. We'll get to the bottom of it. We'll fucking get to the bottom of it.

We'll fucking get to the bottom of it. And then not for nothing because I have nothing to do with this show, but Widows Bay is the best show on television. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We watched that on the first part of our tour and the second part of the tour as well. Everybody should be watching Widows Bay. Good show.

I want to visit that island. Oh, we all do. Schmeaderberg might send you there. I'd love to go to be swallowed by the fox. I mean, I bet there's great salt on that island. I will see. Yeah, at least in the diner, right? Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. And August Lynn, do you want to plug anything? What's going on? I'm writing a book of travel tips. Wow, already. Do you have a book deal already? This is a new one? Yeah, yeah.

I already got a book deal. I contacted someone. I know in publishing. It's not a big deal. During the break and when you were playing the plug song, it was so long. Oh. One of the shortest ones we've ever had. Ten seconds.

But I had time to get a contract for writing books. Okay, congrats. I did look over in. He was signing a docu-sign on his phone. Wow. Okay, congrats. Thank you. And Dave Blinn, do you want to plug anything?

Docu-Sign is so cool. Yeah, do you really lit up talking about. So we've established the things you like, making Halloween sound effects. I don't like that. I'm just good at it. You're just really good at it. Yeah, I hate it. Okay, Moeller City and Docu-Sign.

God, I love Moor City. We've got to combine all of your in business. If I could go to Muller City and sign something via Docu-Sign. Oh, wow. It would be in heaven. Do you want to plug anything? Yeah. I have a documentary on Vimeo, and you have to watch it real fast because they're about to get rid of their video on demand.

By the time you hear this, it might already be gone. But it's called Doug Blin, A Song of Despair, and it's all about me reviewing Led Zeppelin's albums. Dred Zeppelin's albums and comparing them to Dred Zeppelin's albums. And guess who I think is better, Led Zeppelin. Okay. Savage. A savage day. Yeah, but that's motivated reasoning.

I mean, you can think that if you want. You think you're just impartial about this. Yeah. And we've talked about this a bunch on this show, but... Because people will be confused by the names, which is something that I said a million times. Do you think that people should not watch the documentary on YouTube about Dred Zeppelin called a song of hope? Hope? I mean, they're welcome to, but you know, you're also welcome to jump off a fucking bridge.

Okay, so you're inviting to the audience. That's another one of my travel tips. Oh, Smiterberg sending you to one of those. Wherever you are, take the opportunity to jump off a bridge. Find whatever is the most famous or the highest bridge and jump off that son of a bitch. Yeah, you could watch that documentary. You could eat a battery. You know what I mean?

There's all kinds of things you could do. I know a guy with a bag full of batteries if you really want to eat one. A bag full? Yeah, he's got it like a pillowcase full of batteries. I think it's a gym bag. Oh, is it a gym bag? I thought it was a pillowcase. Could be.

All right. That sounds like a strange person. It really does. I want to plug. I already mentioned our tour dates, at least the UK and Ireland. dates, but we have several after that. We're going to reschedule the Boston, hopefully add a couple of new ones. We also have the Southwest dates,

plus the LA date. That's going to be a big one because you know, so many of our guests are here in LA. Plus, hey, Randy is opening for us. That's September 19th. All of the tour dates and ticket links are over at CBBWorld.com slash tour. And while you're at CBB World, our maximum

subscribers can hear all of the live dates as we do them. They're all put up within 48 hours of us doing them. And you get so the other shows there, Neighborhood Listen and the aforementioned, Hey, Randy, and Who Me, and Scott hasn't seen so much stuff going on over there. All right, let's, oh, I also wanted to mention, by the way, we have a limited order window from until July 20th. The Comedy Bang Bang Tour variant action figures are available now because they didn't make it to some of the tour dates. We wanted to make them available to you.

The ground beefing tour exclusives are available at figurecollections.com until July 20th or while supplies last. I'm so sorry. I didn't get a chance to finish my plug. I'm sorry, go ahead. Yes. If you're going to assault someone but you don't want to get illegal trouble for it, work it all out, make a plan, and contact me via letterboxed. I'm on there as... Do you review movies on that? No. I'm on there as Blin Blin'Lin' Time. Blin-blin time.

Yeah. Okay. You just accept like DMs and stuff. Yeah. Okay. You've never reviewed a movie or logged any movies while you're there. I am afraid to watch a movie because I don't have to watch 100. It's easy to watch 100 movies.

It's one of the things I think you would enjoy. 100 movies? That would be wonderful. What a wonderful way to pass the time. You could just do the A.F.I. 100 and be done for them. Yeah. It's the easy way to do it. It's so many movies.

So back to Jason's question. You're not able to watch like 100. episodes of anger management and then move on to night court or something you have to it's TV shows those are the 100 episodes of anger management you know how they made that big syndication deal so that they it was the 1090 for that okay look let's close up the old plug back back bag pizza ballis oh oh there's the fart sound too i like the fart sound um that was what's everyone's bagel order by Eddie Wolfram. Thanks so much to Eddie Wolfram. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs and you'll find everything you need over there. And guys,

I want to thank you so much, Jason. So great to see you. Great to see you. What a blast. What a blast. Wish you could come to the-7-5. Thank you very much. Wish you could come to the UK with us, but you will be here filming. I'm so sad. I'm so sad to miss it. It would be so fun. You've got a great group and maybe there'll be some special guests. Who knows? And August Lent, great meeting you. Oh, no, we have, you've been on the show before. I've got, many times. Yeah. But great seeing you. I'm going to stop introducing you as Salt Inspector

and instead of introducing you as the world's biggest cuck. What means that? It's an American expression. Okay. I'll have to look it up. Sure. And Dave Flynn, this is the first of your 99. Oh, man. A hundred episodes rather.

You have 99 more to go. So we do a read to appear on this. You must have been thinking I'm going to do. Actually, can I ask a question? It's 99 podcast. It's all podcasts. Have you been on 99 other podcasts? Just gonna be doughboys and shit like that. Is this your last one? Were you on WTF before they closed up?

I was in WTF. Before they locked up the gates for good. I remember talking on some format to Obama and Springsteen. Oh, what? I was on bitch sash. Oh, nice. Were you on club random? I was on club random recently.

A recurring segment on clubbing. Were you on fly on the wall? He had a recurring segment of clothing. So that doesn't count. That was the first season. That's a hell of a podcast. He has people on that nobody else will talk to and then he doesn't let them talk. They finally get an opportunity to talk and then he doesn't let them.

What I like is that they also don't like him. These are other, these are other despicable people who no one wants to talk to. And they're like, I don't even like you. Yeah, it's beautiful. That's a great show. Miserable fucks. So yeah, go do how did this get made, like, you know, 50 more times or however many you have left. I've never done how this get made.

Yeah, you got to do it. We'd love to have you. Is there a movie you'd like to talk about? Oh, no, then I have to watch a movie. Oh, shit. Oh, that's... You can't do Scott hasn't seen either. Yeah, that would start.

But August, you got to do it because you're a sent file. Yeah, of course I will do it. I don't know how you could be on Bonannas for Bonanza. Is that a show you're aware of? Oh, Bananza's a huge in Germany. Only watching 100 of those would be a shame. Yeah, because it's only just getting started. Well, it's 100 TV shows.

It's just getting into a groove at 100. I've already seen 100 TV shows. Oh, shit. What about your voice? You could be on your voice. With Randall Canfield? Yes. I love that show.

I love that show. There's a radio show. There's a radio show. Oh, I guess that's true. You could be on Prairie Home Companion or something. I don't know. That show doesn't exist anymore, idiot. Wow.

It changes its location. Then it changed its name. then it disappeared. Just like all of us. Right? It's a lesson for life. You know what? I like you.

We're Belmar. I really didn't mean any harm. I didn't mean any harm either. And even though... I doubt that but... Hello? Hello? Murray Povich?

Oh! Murray Povich is here! Murray! Come on in! Hey, I'm ready to give the results. Oh! Please hand me the envelope. I thought you were supposed to bring the on.

Okay. Interesting. So, you have... So you have the... I just got here. The result came out. So, okay, this is, you know... But I've done this so many times more.

You and I have done this so many times. August, it's great to see you. Are you ready to find out? They've got a great thing. If this guy, what's his name? Dave Blin. If Dave Blin is or is not the father. He does this every time.

It's incredible. Now, it's just a showmanship. for clarity's sake, Maury. We're finding out if Dave Blin is or isn't the father, but could the results be also true for Jabon Javi? Or any... Shab of the HUD? Shab of the HUD. Janna.

Irie Minogue, Kylie Salasi, Tone Lock, Patois Benatar, Babylon Cheney, or whatever that last one was. Fye and I young cannibals? FI and I young cannibals. Yes. FI and I young cannibals. How can you forget that one? Speaking of Fying...

Are they all the same guy? Oh, we believe they are. I believe they would have the same DNA. Then, yes. Okay. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah.

You didn't ask us if we were ready. I mean, he asked the room. Why are you treating Mori like you treat Dave? I just, you know, I'd like to be included. You're giving Mori the same energy you give Dave, and that makes no sense because we love Mori. But I love Dave. I have so little time left on this earth. Please treat me with respect.

All right. He doesn't look good. Are you ready, Dave Blin? I guess. What is this for again? It's to find out Betty on my father. I doubt it. Yeah, me too.

The results are in. Dave Blin, you are not the father. Wow. So close. I feel like I want to dance. The missed opportunity. Hey.

Hey, you're a fantastic dancer. I never danced before. I know, you gotta dance 99 more times. I love to. He's smiling. This was great. Dancing in Molar City. The Mola City dance.

The Molar Ciner Ducan dancer. To sign a contract to be a professional dancer in Molar City? Oh, wow. This is what I have to do. This is what I have to do. Yes, we found it. I have to become a professional dancer in Molar City. And DocuSign while you're doing it.

And you're only in your 70s. Everything is possible. That's right. Yeah. What an amazing show. All right. Thanks so much. We'll see you next time.

Bye!