Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Zach Reino, Lisa Gilroy, Jacquis Neal

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Election week means it’s the return of the CBB roundtable with special guests Branessa Whaleslay, Rockly Mountainrock, and Big Momma joining Scott to discuss and break down the issues of the day. They’ll cover many topics which include favorite ways to relax after a long day, worst fashion faux pas, and the big question that’s on everyone’s mind this week. Get tickets for the Comedy Bang! Bang! Into Your Mouth Tour 2024 over at https://CBBWorld.com/tour  Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

You know what they say, opinions are like assholes. It feels good to use them. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Beano G-Funk for that catchphrase submission and hmm, opinions. Interesting that Beano G-Funk would mention opinions because we're going to be talking about our opinions. It is of course election week and what better use of our time than to herald the return of the CBB roundtable. That's right, the CBB roundtable where we take the issues of the day and we break them down.

and we break them down and I have an esteemed panel here with me. We're all gonna be... I have various topics here to talk about. We're all gonna be discussing them at length. We're gonna roll our sleeves up, get our elbows dirty, and really just break down our feelings about what's going on in this crazy world. It's the CBB round table. Nothing is off the table other than our feet and our elbows. We don't put those on the table because that would be very, very rude. But nothing at least conversational wise is off the table.

It's gonna be hot. It's gonna be scorching here. And I just want to give everyone a preemptive warning that tempers may flare and the language may get a little salty, but I think at the end of the program we're gonna come to an understanding. And who better to do that with than my panel here. We have a great panel here with me. None of them have been on the show before, so I have no relationship with any of them, which is for the best, honestly, because I want to get their opinions on everything without any kind of preconceived knowledge. Let's introduce them. Over here we have, she's an heiress, apparently the daughter of an oil magnet.

It'd be interesting to hear their side of those kinds of issues. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Brunesso Wailslayer. Thank you so much for having me, Scott. I'm thrilled to be here. I'm thrilled to be talking with the people, with you people, with the people next to me,

with the people across from me. What do you mean you people? You people. I'm wondering if I should take offense at that. No, no, no, no, no, no. There are just, you know, there's strata of people in this world. The hierarchy.

The hierarchy, the haves and the have nots, the do's and the will nevers, the I can'ts and the I couldn't evens. Well, I don't know where I fall within those, but it's a pleasure to have you. You're a podcaster, Scott. I mean, that's reductive. I think I'm a content creator. Yes, you're that as well.

I much prefer that. You're an influencer. I don't know that I've influenced anyone to do anything, but that's very nice to hear. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Bernessa. Well, my father, Jonathan Wailslay, runs the largest exporter of whale oil in the Pacific Northwest. He runs the largest exporter.

So that's a company, I would imagine. It's a series of vertically integrated companies, yes. So he runs that. We try to run everything down the line of production just to keep it simple. Okay, so- Just to keep it easy. Yeah. Just to keep these pesky unions from getting involved.

And what do they export again? I'm sorry. Whale oil and all of those sort of products that can be made from whale oil. What can you make from whale oil? You can make candles. You can make fossil fuels. You can make perfumes.

You can make microchips. You can make fossil fuels. You can make perfumes. You can make microchips. You can make some cooking oil, depending on what country you're exporting it to. It's a very versatile product, and it's also a very green product because it comes from the earth. Okay. You know how when you burn a candle, usually there's all that wax left over? There's a ton of wax left over.

Can you make a candle the exact same size as the one you burned out of that wax or does some of the wax go away? You see this is one of those sort of metaphysical questions like could God make a candle so big that he couldn't light it on fire? What's your opinion on that? On God? Not to get too hot right off the bat but just on God yeah. Could you make candles? No, no, no, not that specific, just on God. Oh, you want me to tell you all my thoughts on God. Yes.

Okay, one, a little bit nosy. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because my business is my business and I don't need a big man or woman upstairs telling me what I cannot do as an American citizen. We should be able to turn a switch off where it's like, God, don't watch me right now. And I can and do, do that. And it's called blackout blinds. And if you have them, God can't see what's happening in there. Oh, interesting. Oh, I had no idea.

What happens in the dark is the devil's territory. And so God is not purview to what happens in the shadows, which is why so many crimes happen at night, Scott. That's a good point. Because God can't see them there. Do you think that, okay, what's the, what's the ratio? The worst crime? Arson. Oh, okay.

I was going to say the ratio between crimes that happen during the day and crimes that happen at night. Well, all the good crimes happen during the day. Blue collar crimes. Exactly. All the best crimes happen in the face of God and God can do nothing to stop them. It'd be hard to do blue-collar crimes at night because businesses are open during the day. Most of the people that I know that do blue-collar off the record, is this recorded? It's fine, it doesn't care. I'm so rich I see no sort of repercussions for anything that I do.

Go ahead. All the people that I know that do blue- blue collar crimes do sort of clock out around 3 p.m. 3 p.m. That's early. And they get in at 11 and they take an hour for lunch. Oh, no. What are these, Mr. Show hours? Scott, is that a media joke? It's an old media joke. Yes, certainly. But well, well, Burnessa. Have you seen the circuses? Do you mean just generally? Have I ever seen circuses?

Yeah, like when they, there are a bunch of animals chained up in a big tent and they fight for your amusement. I think you're thinking of like gladiator fights or something in the old Roman Empire, but. Oh yeah, old, sure. Absolutely. All right. Well, Brunessa, it's great to have you here. Thank you, happy to be here. We're gonna get to our topics soon enough, but before we get to them, we have to introduce the rest of the panel.

It's our pleasure to have this guest here. I don't know anything about them, but please welcome to the show Rockley Mountain Rock. Oh! Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. Hello, Scott. Hi, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock. Hello, Scott. Hi, Rockley.

I hope I'm not too big for the show. I, look, you know, we've had huge stars on the show. You've had bigger? We had Ben Stiller on once. We had Childish Gambino on once. I mean, big physically. As you can see, I'm a mountain. Conan O'Brien is pretty big.

That's true. But I'm taller and bigger. I'm a mountain. I'm rockly mountain rock. That's OK. Now that I'm getting a good look at you, yes, you are a huge mountain. You could barely see to me or a little grain of sand in my hands, Scott. And I'm Hugh Mungo.

What is a mountain but millions of grains of sand? Did you know Hugh Grant's middle name, and this is real, is Mungo? Mungo? Famous lover of blowjobs, Hugh Grant? Hugh Mungo Grant. Wow. Incredible. Who knew? That's real. That's real. That's on his Wikipedia page, as long as someone gets to it pretty quickly when they're listening to this.

Literally Google it. Really? Yes. Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. Well, John Mungo. That's right. Hugh John Mungo. See? Rocks no rocks. Is that it? I mean, is that someone just changing it as a joke every day or? No, it's real Scott. It's real. His parents must have had the most wonderful senses of humor.

We love to laugh, don't we? That rocks, Scott. Tell me about yourself, Rockley. Where are you located normally? Right here in California, or as the Rocks call it, Rock-o-Mont-peblionia. Wonderful, so the rocks speak English, but they call things different things. Yes, and we do love rock and roll. We love to roll on rocks and rock on roll.

So that explains it all, I think, yeah. But I came to warn you that the big one's coming. The big, do you mean the big earthquake that everyone? Well, you call it an earthquake, we call it an old pebble on slam on. So when is this happening? Soon. Soon. As in?

You better run, Scott. As in during this episode? Do I need to stop it? Maybe not. Rock time is a little slower and a little more chiller and groovier than your time. So sometime within the next what five million years? Maybe even only 20 million years, which for a million years in rock times is only seconds. I'm three billion years old, but in a dillion pebble years, that's only a baby.

I can't quite do the math on that, but it's so fascinating to talk to a part of this earth. And there are a lot of issues concerning the earth out there. A lot of people think about, oh, global warming, does it exist? The whale oil? Mm-hmm, sure. You're depleting it from the rocks. Absolute from, excuse me?

The whale oil- Is being depleted from the rocks. Is mined from rocks, correct? I whale oil... Is being depleted from the rocks. Is mined from rocks, correct? I don't... Well, hold on. What, joke on me, egg on my face, rock on my pebble? I think it might be from the whales, actually.

I don't think anyone knows definitively where the whales come from though. Exactly. So that was where I sort of got hung up. Do you think whales might be giant rocks that just kind of burst out and get fins? That's exactly what they are. They both have oil inside of them, so that would explain a lot. Exactly.

In Avatar, do they like kill those blue things and take like oils out of them? No, that one's mostly about sort of controlling the four elements. And everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Let's list them, we have. Air, water, wind. Water, igneous.

Igneous. Sedimentary, metamorphic. Shocked that I remember that from school, rock school. You go to school? Well, I used to. Oh, sure. Back when it was my first million year and we learned about the different kinds of rocks, igneous. Learning about yourself. Yes, it's like how you have star signs. Yes. Like astrology, you mean? Sure. Like what are you? I'm a Polaris. Who fucking cares, right? Yeah. So I say, I'm igneous, I'm metaphor, morphic. It means more to us than your silly things mean to you. Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. That's me laughing. Are rocks racist against other types of rocks or? Every rock is gray, other types of rocks or? Every rock is gray, but yes. Okay. I don't know that I agree with that.

Well, hold on, Scott. Every rock is gray. Every rock is gray. That is actually- And so you can't be racist because every rock is gray. So the question doesn't even make sense. Okay. Well, all right. I'll take your word for it. Rock. But there are different rocks. So igneous is as we know- Yeah, we've said that one a couple of times. But what is it? What is it? It is formed from probably magma. There are different rocks. So igneous is, as we know. We've said that one a couple times. But what is it? What is it?

It is formed from probably magma. Mm-hmm. Sure. Mm, magma. The old shootin' lava. Yeah, right. So those are the hot girl rocks. Okay. Metamorphic, perhaps changed by heat. Sure. Look, meta meaning... To change.

Meaning to change. Morphic, meaning by heat. Morphic meaning to change. By heat. To change meaning to change. Meaning to change. Morphic, meaning by heat. Meaning to change. By heat. To change, to change. As if a word would ever smell as sweet. Change, change, change. Who would be a mortal bard?

And the last one being sedimentary, the lazy bones. Rock, rock, rock. You don't wanna get involved. Yes, so we are racist against the sedimentary ones. Against the sedimentary ones, all right, good to know. Well, Rockley Mountain Rock, wonderful to have you. We're gonna be getting into a lot of the issues that are important to you, I'm sure.

Just stay right there. We need to introduce our final guest. I can't move, Scott. That's true, yeah. How did you get here? I crumbled on my own. Oh, okay. I'll explain it later.

Asking the answer, thank you. Yes. Let's talk to our final guest of the CBB Roundtable. She's a matriarch of her family and this is her first time on the show. Please welcome for the first time, Big Mama. Uh-huh. Hey there, Scott, baby.

How you doing? Big Mama, wonderful to meet you. Oh, baby, it feels so good to be here. I brought you some chicken, baby. Oh baby, it feels so good to be here. I bought you some chicken, baby. Oh, it's a little greasy to be eating chicken during the show. Baby, baby, it's greasy and salty, baby. Oh yeah, that's a terrible combination for podcasting.

What? To be thirsty with just wet hands the entire time. What's the issue? Baby, I'm gonna feed you and it's gonna be good, baby. Thank you, Big Mama. That's so nice. Thank you, Scottie. I'm gonna put this in some Tupperware. Okay, baby, as long as you eat it in front of me before I leave.

I don't know that I have that kind of time. You don't take a few nibbles, but... Okay, that's good. The minute the show's over, I think you're right out the door. Oh, baby. You may take a picture. I'll take a picture. It's gonna take me long to get out the door, baby. Okay. Tell me about yourself. Where are you from, Big Mama?

Oh, baby, I'm from everywhere. I'm from down under, I'm from up top, I'm from over under, and I'm from here and there, baby. I'm from everywhere. And you have a- But most live Chicago. Oh, Chicago. Yes, yes, yes.

And you have a family. Oh, baby, I got a lot of families. I got my nephew, Ahmad. I got my grandbaby, Scott. I got my granddaughter, Scott. I got a lot of Scott's in my family. Really? Okay.

And how many children do you personally have? 72. 72. Baby. With, uh, all with the same father or? Oh baby, no, big mama be fucking. Oh, okay. Big mama be.

72 different fathers? Oh, 52 different fathers, baby. Baby, let me tell you something. Does one father have 20 kids? Yes. Okay, yes. You were with that father for a long time. I was with that father for 42 years, baby.

42 years. Then after that, just boom, boom, boom, boom. After that, baby, big mama was a little bit horny. It was the 80s, and I started getting busy. It was all during the eighties, wow. But you didn't fuck in the eighties, Scott? I- Come on, Scott.

Scott, did you never even have intercourse even once in the 1980s? Baby Scott, you didn't fuck in the eighties. I, look, I'm only 29 years old. Oh, nice. How could I have possibly have done that? Baby Scott, you can find a way. You can find a way, Scott, if you put your mind to it.

Life finds a way. So you, but all of your 52 children, they're- Yes, 72. 72, I'm so sorry. Do not discount my 20 children. Right, who all were born in the 80s, the ones not with- Yes. So you were just a revolving door, babies.

I know, baby. Like every three months. No, no, no, I had eight. And well, you saw that show, John and Kate Plus, eight, baby. I was, baby. Like every three months. No, no, no, I had eight. And well, you saw that show, John and Kate Plus Eight. Oh, I did, yes. He loved Ed Hardy. He loved Ed Hardy. I knew Ed Hardy, baby.

Did you really? I made Ed Hardy chicken, and he ate it right in front of me. He was a tattoo artist in the 50s, was he not? Yes, he was. Wow. He tattooed one of my breasts. Which one, if you don't mind me asking? You mind flapping that out? I don't, never mind asking. I don't know, I love talking about my breasts. Which one, if you don't mind me asking? Oh, baby, I don't- You mind flapping that out?

I don't, never mind asking. I don't know, I love talking about my breasts. He tattooed my left breast. Your left, left on my end or left on your end? Left on your end, baby. Okay. He tattooed the left breast on your end. Okay, so you describe your breasts as a-

From your perspective. Yeah, camera right or camera left. Yes, my breasts are stage left and stage right. Yes, baby. What's the story about the breast that's on my end? The breast that's on your end, baby. Baby, you say you're big. I don't wanna pull out my titty and show you big, baby.

Croc, croc, croc. Mine is on top of you. Wow. That's a big titty, isn't it Scott? Baby, cause Big Mama's needs to hug. I'm a loving Big Mama. I hug everybody and I got to fit a lot of heads on my breasts, baby. That's why every Big Mama you see in movies always have big ass breasts.

You need an over the shoulder boulder holder. I'm getting bolder by the moment. Don't take me for granted. Baby, you gotta come tell those jokes at church. I don't believe in God. Ooh. Same. This is one of these topics we just naturally fell into.

We got to Bruness's views on God. Now we hear- On God, for real, for real? And now we hear Rockley's. Big Mama, you go to church though? Oh baby, I live in church. Oh, and the presence of the Lord is here. I live in church, Scott.

Is that a song? I don't think I've ever heard it. It's a famous gospel song. It's a famous gospel really. What gospel songs do you know, Scott? Michael Rowe, The Boat Ashore, maybe. That's not a gospel song, Scott. It's a famous gospel song. It's a famous gospel, really. What gospel songs do you know, Scott? Michael Rowe, The Boat Ashore, maybe. That's not a gospel song, Scott. It's not?

I think it's a metaphor for going to heaven. Not in black church, Scott. Really, it's just about a boat? It's just about a- In black church? Yes, it's just about a boat in your church. So they sang it once and we're like, this doesn't have anything to do with God. This doesn't make?

Get it out of here. Who is Michael? Yeah, how great thou art, that's more of a hymn. Okay. What's the difference between a hymn and a... A her? Don't get into it. That's too odd for the CBB roundtable. Oh, baby.

Oh, baby, Rock, you go. You got to come tell these jokes at church, baby. Well, I could be persuaded. What makes you think God is real? Oh, baby, I know God is real because I have seen God up close, baby. Really? Yes. How? Where did this occur? Oh, well, you know, is real because I have seen God up close, baby. Really? Yes. Where did this occur? Oh, well, you know, have you ever seen the movie Soul Food, Scott? It's one of my most famous movies. I see soul food, I eat it.

That's a classic rock joke. That's a classic rock joke. In that movie, I was on the operating table and I lost my foot because I put too much salt on my food, Scott. And in that moment, I saw Gotti, he said, get back down there to earth because your family needs you. Does that happen where you go to the hospital and they'll cut off your foot

and they'll look at it and go, oh, this is a salt foot. Oh, baby, it happens all the time. You wanna see it? Yeah, oh, this is a salt foot. Oh baby, it happens all the time. Link, you wanna see it? Yeah, oh, let me check it out. There you go. You said no feet on the table, but baby, I'm big mama. I can do whatever I want. Yeah, well, that's a, I mean,

that's a fake foot it looks like. It is a fake foot, baby. But it still has- What's that made out of? Oh, it's made out of plastic, baby. Plastic and a tarry cloth. Do you need like a replacement for a real one? Do I need a real foot? Would you like a real?

Why did you opt for a plastic one instead of a real, another real foot? Baby, are you asking me? Are you telling me you're going to give me a foot? No, my God, no. You are a billionaire. I mean, I could find you a foot if you need a foot. I'm wondering why you opted for a plastic foot. And why is that plastic foot on the leg that you already have a foot on?

And you just have a stump on the other one. Because it's your right, baby. It's my left and your right. Oh, okay. That is why. The doctor got it mixed up. The doctor got it mixed up. So I have two feet on one leg

and no feet on my other leg. Yes, and I would, I opted for this because baby, I am poor. Oh, really? You're just a woman of the people, right? I'm a woman of the people. I take care of my family. I take care of my church

and I take care of my community. Are you, it seems like you have a wonderful sense of humor but it can be acerbic at times and perhaps biting. Baby, I don't know what acerbic means. I didn't go to college, baby. It's a lot like, you know, if there's a spill on the floor, you get some of that terry cloth and you, if it's acerbic enough, it'll soap it right. Oh, it'll absorb it. Oh, see, I can't hear, baby. I lost my hearing in 1992.

Rit, your entire ear, really? Just in one ear. Oh, okay. I can't hear either because I'm a rock. Oh, Scott, where are you? What's happening? Are we on the show yet? Is this a good game for us all to have? I don't know. What about you? Can you hear? I also can't hear a word. It's so interesting that you said that. How are we podcasting right now? None of you can hear me. No, baby, I bring a translator everywhere I go. They are, it's sign language, baby. I have what's called selective hearing, which is that I hear

what I want to hear in situations where the things being said are advantageous to sign language, baby. I have what's called selective hearing, which is that I hear what I want to hear in situations where the things being said are advantageous to me. I see. And when the things are hard, like when someone, for example, if someone were to say, I am poor as the result of your and your family's actions, then I would say, I didn't hear that and I don't have to process it because that's not in my world. Does that make sense? That does make a lot of sense, although I can't really respect your choice to do that.

And I didn't hear that because that was challenging to something that I might have to think or feel and it's easier for me to not deal with that. And I hear from vibrations. So if you want to talk to me, you have to come and sit on my lap. All right, here we go. Okay, here, how's this? I'm feeling a rumble. Ooh, I see your rock. I'm feeling the little vibrations of a tiny rumbling guy.

I'm feeling a tiny rock in my lap. A tiny rock in your lap? Oh, maybe that's one of my little pebbles. They have a mind of their own. Cover your crotch. I guess I will. In fact, let's all do that for the entirety of the podcast, if you don't mind. Oh, baby, I have to cover it.

So there's no trouble with any of us because we're gonna get to some of the hottest issues of the day here. I can't wait, baby. Yeah, it is election week. Wow, where? The United States does this. Are you a citizen? Oh yes. You are.

And have you ever voted? No, no, no, no, no. No. I mean, I vote with my dollars and my sort of outsized power, but not with an actual ballot. I see. So you buy things.

Yeah. Okay. And that's kind of a vote in a way of like, oh, I vote on this thing that I want to own. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So, and I always win. Have you ever, do you ever go to auctions?

Um, yeah, absolutely. Why do you sound so defensive? Wouldn't. Well, I'm not super proud of it. Your eyes are darting around. Well, there are some things that aren't strictly speaking on the market. Children. If you want to buy them children among them,

Rockne, yes, that's true. Feet. What's that? Feet. Feet you can find anywhere, or a dime a dozen. But there are some things perhaps, priceless works of art, national treasures, children, national monuments. If you want to buy these things, you can't, strictly strictly speaking do it out in the open. But does someone like own the Abraham Lincoln guy who's out there in Washington? Does someone like own the Abraham Lincoln guy? Listen to how dumb you sound.

Of course someone owns the Abraham. Well, hold on. The one that the public can see or the actual one? Oh, there's two. Well, wink, no, there's one, wink. But if you'd the actual one, yeah, there's two. Well, wink. No, there's one wink. But if you the actual love, yeah, my friend Becky has. What about the one in Planet of the Apes when it's a monkey version? I think that's a film set, Rockley. Yeah, baby. I saw that film.

I saw that. Oh, I saw that film. What did you think? Oh, I love that film, baby. I love monkeys. I love monkeys, baby. What do you like about them? Oh, they brown. OK, baby. I love monkeys. I love monkeys, baby. What do you like about them? Oh, they're brown. Okay. That's it. That's it.

I just love that they're brown, baby. Rocks? Anything brown. And I love anything brown, baby. Rocks are gray and monkeys are brown. Yes. Okay. Yes.

So like I could name the worst things that are brown. Give me one. Shit. I love shit, baby. I love shit. Who doesn't love a good shit, baby? I mean, it's fun to do. It is fun to do, it's fun to see,

it's fun to make fun of. That's true. It's so fun, baby. I love brown. Do you think farts would be as funny if they didn't smell like shit? If farts were brown, they would be very funny, but they are invisible?

I guess, I mean, if you do it right. Well, if we're gonna get to the issues of the day, this is of course the CBB round table where we take the issues that are most important to you, the citizens of the world, and we break them down and we talk about what we think about them. We are coming up on a break though. You guys are still ready to really-

Rumble? Yes. Yes. Baby, I'm ready to rumble too. I've been waiting to give my opinions for 60 years. I have literally nothing else to do. Rock. Rock.

Rock. Rock. Rock. Ew. I think you're excited. I'm not quite sure. Or you're very excited. I'm not quite sure. Or you're very upset. I'm not sure.

Whatever it is, we're gonna get to it. We need to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna, well, we're gonna break everything down. We're gonna get to the issues of the day. This is of course, the CBB Roundtable. We'll be right back with more Rockley Mountain Rock, more Big Mama, more Brunessa Whaleslay.

We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. And we're back. And this is of course the CBB round table.

And my name is Scott Ackerman. I don't think I said that earlier on the show. If you're wondering who I am. Rocks-Crockerman? Rock? Rock Rockerman? Thank you. This is of course Rockley Mountain Rock, a giant mountain.

Big mountain. Who has come to life or were you always alive? I was always alive. I was hiding in plain sight and now you finally see me. Oh baby, I knew about you baby. You are a conspiracy in the black community. Really? Yes! We've heard of Rock rock, what's your name? Rockley Mountain Rock. We've heard of it, didn't retain any of the knowledge.

Oh baby, no, no, but we've heard of you. We've heard of you all the time. Rockley Mountain, so you've heard of this anthropomorphic mountain that's come to life. Oh yeah baby, oh baby, there's not much that gets past Big Mama. I guess not come to life, that implies something magical happened.

You were not sentient at a certain point, but no, you've always been alive ever since your inception. That's right. That's why how come I know God's not real? Why how come I know God's not real? Do you realize how stupid you sound? I'm older than you by two billion years. So what?

So I'm smarter than you, and I'm better than you, and I'm bigger than you. You should know more words. I do know more words. Name one word that you know that I don't know. A cervic. All right, you got me there. We also have bruness a whale sleigh here, heiress to the whale sleigh oil fortune. That's right, richer than God and that's how come I know God's not real.

Oh, so there are things that rich people know that we don't know. Yeah, it's sort of just like a baseline of knowledge. Interesting, okay. Have you read the book, Rich Dad Poor Dad? I haven't. Is it about, I know the TV show, My Two Dads, is it about those two guys?

I don't know what that is, but there's another book. Do you know what TV is? Yeah. What is it? Two views. It's when you have a very small YouTube channel. Okay. I don't know how you know what YouTube is

without knowing what TV is, but anyway. Well, I have a computer, Scott. TV is just like a computer that is on your wall. So a bad. TV is a computer. So like a computer that is on your wall. So a bad TV. So like a rock, a computer placed in a really, in a really like difficult place. Where's the keyboard? The keyboard is, is it's kind of long and cylindrical and fits in your hand. That's what we call it a remote control.

That sounds bad. What about it sounds bad? The long part? Yeah, the fact that it fits in your hand. It makes it feel like I have to do something for it to work. And it's a perfect cylinder? It's not a perfect cylinder, but I would call it akin to a cylinder. Wait, what are we talking about here?

Remote controls? Remotes control, rather? It's long, it's almost perfectly cylinder and it fits in your hand. Who said it was almost perfectly cylinder? It sounds like we're talking about, say it with me, Scott Dink. Venus. Hey. Hello. All right. I also wanted to say that if all of us say something

at the same time during this podcast, it will stop the big one. That's why I keep trying to give you guys opportunities to say something. Oh, I guess we should try to do that then. Well. All right. Huh.

Well, guys, this is the CBB round table where we break down the issues of the day. And this week, a lot going on this week. Of course, the election is happening on Tuesday. Where? United States of America. Oh, okay. Yeah, first Tuesday of every November.

When I say every, I mean, every four years. Sure, feels like a lot. It's a lot. The United States, you mean Rock Top Crumleton County, right? I guess to you maybe. Okay, okay. I'm not gonna agree because I have no idea

what you call it, but. Well, let's get to it. I have just topics here that I wanna throw out to the group and these are, we're gonna find out exactly how we feel about things and hopefully we're gonna come to a common understanding. Topic number one, after a long day, what is your favorite way to relax? I'm gonna start with you, Brunessa.

What do you mean by after a long day? Oh, okay, yeah, I guess you won't have a common frame of reference. Oh, okay. So on some days, if I wake up and I have to go to say a governor's ball or some such nonsense, and I've had to pick between one or three outfits to wear between the sort of time. And in the middle of that, I have to sort of find a way to make sure that some competitor of my father's like accidentally gets poisoned by when he drinks the punch or the shrimp or something. Are you in charge of the poisoning? Excuse? Am I in charge of the poison?

Yeah. Is that your bailiwick or do you know that word? Yes. What does it mean? What does it mean? Bailiwick, bailiwick, bailiwick. What does it mean? It means when the wick is so small that the bailey has to come and grow it up to light it and it's a candle so big that God can't reach it.

All right, you got it. Got you there. I didn't know that. Because I didn't go to college, baby. After a long day, I like to sort of get as high elevation-wise as I can and look down at the things below me and just sort of remember of how much control that I have and sort of look out over, should I say, my domain and think nothing here happens without you knowing it. Yeah. Domains, of course, we can purchase those at squarespace.com.

Sure. Or go daddy.com. No, we don't like to talk about GoDaddy. My two GoDaddies? I guess that's a good point. Squarespace, we're a Squarespace podcast here. You're limiting yourself to sort of the spaces that are square. Well, I mean, most rooms are square. The Oval Office, most famous room in the world that's not square.

Wouldn't you agree? Well, that's because it's more expensive to build a space that's round. It is. But you'll notice that all the best spaces are round. Like what? The sort of- The Crypto.com arena? The Sears Tower, the Crypto.com arena.

Everything in nature is free and it's round and it's best. Everything in nature is free and round and very expensive if you consider the sort of like human cost of it. My breasts are round. The ocean's round. That's right. Big mama's breasts are round. Yeah, both of them out right now. The ocean. My breasts are round. The ocean's round. Big mama's breasts are round. Yeah, both of them out right now.

Yeah, they'd need to breathe, baby. Yeah, I understand. The World Trade Centers were round. I mean, you looked at them a certain way. The Olympic Village is round. Yeah, I mean, it's oblong maybe. The Lincoln Memorial is round. That's definitely round.

Yeah. The guy in the middle though, he squares a post. Yeah, that, no, absolutely. Nice, dumb-tongued, gay-brained. Mr. Weird Beard, they used to call him. Have you ever had a beard, Scott? I occasionally would have a beard, sure. Why not? Why not?

It's free. It's one of life's great pleasures. You can grow a beard and no one's gonna charge you for it. I can't and it's never worked for me. Well, I mean... But my father has one and needs a symbol of power. Yeah, I consider it one of the great unjustness of the world. It kind of is. You need to cover your nipples in public and you can't grow a beard. Well, I choose to cover my nipples in public. That's just because it would be absolute mayhem on a global scale if I didn't. Are you familiar with the siren song?

I am. Okay, fine. See, and the only thing that Rockley Mamm rock does. One more thing I know. It would be like that. If the public were to see my nipples, I would just, that's too much responsibility for me for what would happen next. Big mama, if you could travel anywhere in the world rightipples, I would just, that's too much responsibility for me for what would happen next.

Big Mama, if you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? Where would you go? Oh, baby, I would go right to your kitchen. Oh. And I would open the cabinets and I would get out some chicken. I would get out some macaroni and cheese.

So all this stuff needs to already be in there? Yeah, you don't have this in your kitchen, Scott? You also brought a lot of chicken when you should. Then Big Mama can't have anything for you. If you ain't got it in your kitchen, then I don't know why I'm in the kitchen, Scott. I could maybe buy some chicken if you give me a heads up or something. No, but you have to make it and Big Mama will microwave it for you.

Yes, baby. And the macaroni and cheese, are we talking from a box, from a mix or like- From a mix. I have to make the macaroni and cheese. I have to make the macaroni and cheese. You have to make the macaroni and cheese, Scott. From scratch? Yes, Scott, baby. And then you're just microwaving.

And then I microwave it and then I put the seasoning on it. I put the salt and the grease on it, baby. I already put all that on it. No, baby, you didn't put enough, baby. You didn't put enough. See, rock rocks nose. That's right. I, okay, I guess.

But you didn't let me finish. Oh. So I go get let me finish. Oh. So I go get the macaroni and cheese. I go get the neck bones. And then I, you know, you cooked it already. I open your microwave and then I lay it down on the table and I say, dinner's ready. And then you come in and you eat

and you fall asleep right on Big Mama's breast, baby. That, it sounds lovely other than all the prep work I have to do beforehand. Scott, do you not want me to be happy, Scott? I mean, we just met. Scott, I've known about you for a long, long time. It's always nice to meet a fan, but- Oh, baby, I'm not a fan.

I knew your grandma, Scott. You knew Baba? I knew Baba Archimand, Scott. Oh my God. Where did you guys meet? Oh, we used to play spades down in the basement. Scott, she introduced me to my first baby daddy, Scott. That's so incredible. Yes.

Yes. Okay. I had no idea. So you're, uh, you're an acquaintance. I'm an acquaintance, Scott. Did we ever meet back in the day? No, no, no. You never met me, Scott. You think you can forget. the day? No, no, no. You never met me, Scott.

You think you can forget. You know that song, My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard? You think you can forget this milkshake, Scott? I see how you're looking at me. Stop waving your titties around right now. No, baby. I see how you're looking at me. I'm merely, I would be looking at anyone who is flopping their titties around

the way you're flopping them around right now. I'm sorry. Brunessa is flopping her titties, and you're not looking in her direction. I would say I'm anyone who was flopping their titties around the way you're flopping them around right now, I'm sorry. Brunessa is flopping her titties and you're not looking in her direction. I would say I'm bouncing my titties. No. Yeah, well, speaking of titties, let's move over here to Rocklead Mountain Rock.

What is this, Scott? I thought we were doing a panel, now it feels like the dating game. What do you mean? Are you trying to date us, Scott? You guys are the ones flopping your titties around. You're the one that keeps asking us all to. And your pebbles are bouncing around.

My earthquake brings all the rocks to the top. A rock rock is rockety rock. Cock cock is rocks on rock. Okay, you're the one talking about rock now. What? Cock means something different in rock. What does it mean? Rock.

So cock means rock in rock? Yes. Then why wouldn't cock mean rock in cock? It means chiseled rock. All right. A chiseled rock is a cock. That makes sense. And rock is just regular rock.

Oh, that makes sense. And of course, locks are big, bouldering rock. So my chiseled rock brings all the rocks to the rock. They're like- Like, your rocker than rock.- It's rocker than rock. You're rocker than rock. Exactly, you're rocker than rock. Okay, all right.

This makes sense to me, Scott. It feels like you're the only one that doesn't get it, Scott. I gotta ask, Rockley, if you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? I would travel to your kitchen. Wait, I gotta do another day

of making chicken and macaroni and cheese? I would go to the fridge and open the macaroni, then I would open the microwave and I would put, twist you in the microwave. I would melt you down to goo, pour you on like butter onto the microwave, then I would eat you, shit you out and cause an earthquake and kill your family Scott rock rock rock rock rock. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Okay, yeah, I didn't like the sound of that. Sorry, I'm a little hungover. You were drunk last night.

It was Halloween in Rock World. It's also Halloween in our world too, baby. That's so crazy. That coincides with our Halloween, as I understand it. I dressed as, of course, as I do every year, Mount Rushmore. Oh, that's great. How did you make the faces? That's so funny, which I got in trouble for, actually, and I do every year, Mount Rushmore. Oh, that's great. How did you make the faces? Which I got in trouble for actually. And I got canceled because it's actually a really bad part of our history because of course, you know, that was carved into a rock's face.

Yeah, rock didn't just end up looking like that. A brutal part of history. And I was making a mockery of it and I got kicked out of the party. What about Mount Podmore? You ever think about that? Who's going to be on that? You know, you got to- Oh, Mount Podmore.

Obviously you got Bruce Springsteen and Obama. Of course. I think now, Armie Hammer, Arnie Hammer, what's his name? Armie Hammer? Armie. Armie Hammer. He just threw his hat in the ring

with his podcast that just came out. And- John Lovett's gotta be on there. John Lovett from Survivor? Yes. Kicked off first? Spoilers for this season. Spoilers for this season. And, uh... John Lovett's gotta be on there! John Lovett from Survivor? Yes! Kicked off first? Spoilers for this season! Spoilers for this season.

Um, well, uh, where would you go? Since you were kidding about my kitchen. Oh, of course, of course. Ooh, ooh, ooh, I know! I wanna go up in the air! I've never been in the air before! I'm too heavy! You've just been tied to the ground!

You've got to get up in the air. Ooh, baby, even Big Mama's been up in the air before. When you're in the air, you can do anything. There's no laws in the sky. No laws in the sky. Yeah, Big Mama, I heard when you jump up in the air, it causes an earthquake. Yes, it does, baby. Because one titty hits the ground first, and that causes the first earthquake.

And then the second one, and that's the aftershock. When you jump up in the air, one titty hits the ground first. One titty hits the ground first, baby. I'm worried about your balance. Yes, I mean, I don't jump straight up and down. I come down on my left first, yes. Oh, okay, yeah. Interesting, yeah, you should get up in the air, Rockley.

It's, I mean. Well, you guys should get up in the air more because actually when the big one comes, the only safe place is gonna be the air, Rockley. It's, I mean... Well, you guys should get up in the air more, because actually when the big one comes, the only safe place is going to be the air. Well, do you think, well, if you were up in an airplane during an earthquake, would there be anywhere to land? I would imagine all of the landing strips will have cracks in them. You can land in the water.

The plane has the blowups. Yeah, but I mean, Sully isn't flying us around. That's because he's at Monsterers University! He's too busy! I didn't realize he was studying at Monsters. Yes, he's there with Wazowski now. They're finishing out their third year. I had no idea. Yes. Mike is there, really.

Yes, because you know all of the Monsters Inc. headquarters is actually built into a rockface. Guess which one? It's me. It's in me. Really? Oh my Oh my gosh. Mike Wazowski is inside you right now. Wazowski. That's not a good impression. That's not Mike Wazowski, baby. That's the, what's it, Roxanne? Roxanne? That's the, you're correct. Yes. But that's how the name is said. That was so good. Thank you. Thank you. You're imitating people saying his name correctly. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, okay. Imitate someone saying your name. Skyrick? Who's that?

That was Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. That was good. That was good. Guilty. My grandbabies watch Stitch. Do they really? They do watch Stitch. Yeah, what do they like about Stitch?

They don't like Lilo. They don't like Lilo. They don't like Lilo. Hey, they're a package deal as far as I'm concerned. Really? Yeah, you got to like one if you're going to like the other. Ampersand're a package deal as far as I'm concerned. Really? Yeah, you gotta like one if you're gonna like the other. Ampersand. Do you know what that means?

I do, it's the symbol that means and. Oh, you drive me mad, Scott. Yeah, a lot of chemistry between Rocklead and I. You two are hitting it off, baby. We truly are. All right, well. I just wanna apologize before, when I made that bad joke about hurting your family,

I would never do that. Okay, yeah, I thought that was Okay. I think I'm jealous because I've never had sex. You've never had sex? Rocks don't really do it, only the very good ones. Like, you know, igneous as I said, the hot ones, stuff like that. And I'm jealous. I see you have a beautiful family and I said something I regret. I sort of assumed that when two sort of like tectonic plates were like bumping into each other and that like made a mountain come out. Is that the big one? Is that not sort of the same thing? Yeah.

No, no, no, no. Is the big one just you orgasming baby? Nope. Every 300 years we have a big party where all the mountains eat rock, lobster, and we're going to have a big fart coming. A fart? And that's the big one. That's gonna be the big one. From every 300 years eating the rock lobster and the fart that hasn't come yet.

This is fascinating. Well, I'm not scared of the big one, baby, because I believe in God and I'm going to heaven. I'm also not scared of the big one because literally all the infrastructure in the world could crash and I would be unaffected by it. But what if money doesn't exist anymore after the big one? Money barely exists now, Scott. Sure, but I mean, the idea of it is what keeps you afloat, right?

What if suddenly money has no value? Well, money is just sort of like the exchange for goods and services when really what you need to wield actual power is influence and control over people's resources. So money can not exist, but it doesn't change the fact that someone owns the entire food supply

and someone owns the entire sort of housing supply and someone has bought most of Hawaii to sort of like bunker down if we need to sort of lay low for a while. Lay low and stitch. They're a package deal as far as I'm concerned. Scott, baby, you are funny. You gotta come tell these jokes at church.

I don't know that I wanna go to church ever again. Also, Scott, eat your chicken. Scott, eat your chicken. Honestly, I'll have a bite of it when we're done. Okay. But it is the CBB round table. Round one is over, you guys. That was, that got pretty intense.

Wow. I have to say. That was, that got pretty intense. Wow. I have to say. That was rock-diculous. Rock, rock, rock. Are you guys ready for a new subject? Yes. Yes, baby. All right, and I'm gonna go to Rockley Mountain Rock here first.

What was the worst fashion faux pas you ever made? What you're wearing right now? Oh, what I ever made? Come on. Rock, rock. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. By the way, you can't just be a dick and then say I'm kidding. You know what I mean? Oh, sorry, I didn't know that. Sorry. I'll be better.

Oh, okay. Yeah, great. All right. Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it. Okay, thanks. Cool. All right. We good? Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, we're good. I mean, yeah, I think- As long as you're comfy and- I think you apologized at the beginning of the week. If I overstepped, I apologize and-

Okay. Okay. Oh, if you overstepped? And I acknowledge that I think you apologized at the beginning of the week. If I overstepped, I apologize and- Okay. Okay. Oh, if you overstepped? And I acknowledge that I have, and I won't do it again. And do you apologize for it? And I apologize for it.

Hey, Rockley, you're okay by me. All right, Scott. All right, here we go. What just happened? They're gonna fuck. No, we had a disagreement and we worked it out and we came to a mutual understanding, even if we still don't like each other, at least we won't be taking each other for granted. Interesting.

As I said, one of you didn't just sort of assert supremacy over the other until your sort of iron will was shown to be the superior point of view? No, I think that most people in the real world, you know, they have disagreements and they, either they take them to their graves with seething anger or they work them out. And that's what Rockley and I chose to do is work them out. Fascinating. That's right.

Now what was your question? What is the biggest fashion faux pas you've ever made? Oh, well, rocks are gray. So, and everyone knows what color doesn't go with gray. Mm. Mm. Gray. Gray. Gray, exactly. So I had chosen to wear a gray coat.

With gray. How stupid. Well, look, it's a mistake we've all made once or twice. Right. Yeah, that's like one of us wearing a nude bodysuit. Well, David, stop talking about what I have on. Oh, I haven't looked down, by the way. It's your breasts.

Yes, you can't see nothing but my breasts. Other than your foot. Yes, I showed you my foot, but I have on a nude bodysuit right now. Oh yeah, that's- It's brown. Is it new? Is it a new nude?

It's a new nude, baby. It's delightful. Thank you so much. You look to have bedazzled it. Yes, I bedazzled right where my vagina is. Yeah, yeah. That's... That's called bedazzling, I believe.

Oh, is it? Oh, okay, got it. Is that right? Yes. I think so. Jennifer Lovehue had made that word up. Let's move over to you, Big Mama. What's the biggest fashion faux pas you've ever made? Oh, well, baby, let me tell you.

See, one time I was on my way to church and I thought I had on a beautiful dress. And you know those big hats that you can't see behind when somebody's sitting in front of you. You can't see the pastor telling the sermon. I thought I was wearing that, but turns out I was wearing absolutely nothing to church, baby. You were starkers?

I was stark, but naked, baby. And I started something, that's when I had my fourth child. Oh really? So the pastor left his wife, came down to me sitting in the fourth pew and said, big mama, normally I would tell the word of God, but today I wanna tell you the word of sex. And he laid-

Fuck you, right? He laid me down. Oh baby, he laid- Fuck you right in front of everyone. He laid me down, oh baby, he laid me down. His name was Rufus. He laid me down, Pastor Rufus laid me down, and he went to work. And after that, I was like, whoo, fashion faux pas, fashion faux pas. Wow, that's a horrible story.

Oh baby. Depending on your views. It is a horrible story. I got kicked out of that church, baby. Oh, that's the horrible part. That's the horrible part. That was a good church, baby. But I bet Rufus was still able to-

Rufus still preaches there to this day. Yeah, exactly. Technically, it was his fault. It was his fault, baby. I didn't do nothing. I did something. Shame the woman. Shame the woman.

For coming to church naked. Baby, you get it, baby. You're a feminist, ain't you? I truly, truly am. Baby, I love Scott Aukerman. I love Mrs. Scott, you get it, baby. You're a feminist, ain't you? I truly, truly am. Baby, I love Scott Ackerman. I love Mrs. Scott. Eat your chicken, Scott. Okay, I'll have a little bit here. Go ahead. Oh, God. What's that aftertaste?

It's Laura seasoning salt, Scott. It's Laura? Yeah, it's Laura seasoning salt. Who's Laura? Laura is my fifth grandbaby. I think this is like, wait, why is Laura Dern on the packaging? Because Laura Dern is my fifth grandbaby. She makes seasoning salt?

Yes, baby. Okay, I don't know. Yes. Let's move over to Brunessa. What's the biggest fashion faux pas you've ever made? I wore blue at my friend Rebecca's wedding. Oh, I think we can all wear blue at weddings right now. No, it's traditional for the daughter of a magnate

to wear white in such a way that sort of draws a lot of attention from the actual bride. Mm, okay. Well, so everyone else- And that whole night was really all about her, and I've sort of never, um- You've always regretted this. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, so this is more of a you thing. No one else thought you made a faux pas. Well, my father was very upset. Oh, really? He said that whole wedding, you weren't in the ceremony. You weren't stealing focus. You weren't stealing focus.

They stole, you weren't in the vows even one time. Yeah, when I go to a wedding, I wanna be mentioned in the vows, at least once. Absolutely. You know? Like either as an example of what they're... I promise to be mentioned in the vows, at least once. Absolutely. You know, like either as an example of what they're- I promise to protect you from- Nice. Scott.

Hey, Rockley. Sorry, I was wondering what you meant. No, Rockley, again. It wasn't a joke, it was a question. It seems like you're needling me. No. And you're coming up with just lame excuses as to why- I'm rocking you.

I'm pebbly rockly you. It's funny. Here they are, pebbly rock you like a... You're hitting me with rocks in my face. You know when there's a pebble in your shoe? Yes. That's what it's like to be ripped by a rock. And why does that happen, by the way? How does it get in there? When a mountain shrinks down small to become a little mountain. That's what it is. It climbs in a shoe so that it can see the world. I see, that's how they travel. Exactly. And then it joins in with other rocks and makes a new mountain somewhere else. That's why how come mountains are sometimes in some countries and then sometimes in other

countries? Well, I think we just saw- You think a mountain can't move? We can. We go shoe by shoe, pebble by pebble. I think we just solved the issue of how you need to have sex. You just need to shrink down into pebble form and sort of get involved, right? But what do you mean get involved?

Get in there. Yeah, get up in one of the crevices. Get up in the what, what? Get up in the hoo hoo, what? That's what we're saying. Get in the hoo hoo. Get up in the hoo hoo. Get in the hoo hoo, I can tell you how, baby.

Shrink down to pebble and get up in the hoo hoo. Exactly. If you've ever had sex in the Parthenon. Do you know what that means? Do you say? It's a place. Say what kind of place, go. A Parthenon. Do you know what that means? Do you say? It's a place. What kind of place? Go.

A Parthenon. Say more. Speak on it, King. Parthenon. Speak on it, baby. Of course, Parth, meaning. Meaning. Meaning 12.

That's right. And then Anon, meaning place where people go. Tomorrow. Yeah. So the place where 12 people go. You are almost as smart as a rock. Well, I mean, these are great, great answers. You all right there, Rockley?

I rock zero mode. Rock sometimes come out of my Roxophagus. Well, we're getting down to it, guys, and you guys have been open books at this point. This is fantastic. We're coming up on a break here, but when we come back, we're gonna get even deeper, if that's possible.

We're gonna really break it down. What going on this week? Would you all agree about that? Oh, baby. You keep saying that's the case. Yeah, you, Burnessa, you have no idea. Well, you- Your life doesn't change, does it?

I mean, it changed, it's tumultuous, but I think not in a relatable way. Explain how, what are the ups and downs that you experienced? Do you remember when the Titanic sank? Sure. And that was like a sort of big deal because everyone was like, this boat is so big.

Yeah, I guess. 1912, I remember, been around for a long time. Much like Icarus, it got too close to the sun. Perhaps it was so big that it was an affrontory to God. What people don't talk about is all the much bigger boats that were after that, that sank even more. Really? Mm-hmm.

I haven't heard about these. And you wouldn't have. I mean, there are a lot of huge cruise ships that are technically bigger than the Titanic. What do you think of as huge? Bigger than the Titanic? Are you familiar with South America? Yeah, it's the one down below us. Yes.

That is currently the world's biggest yacht. That's a boat? Yeah. South America? Yeah. Oh my God. I mean, it's not mine. It's not quite my style, but it is a- It is a, I will give it this. It's big.

Okay. Sure. Yeah. I mean, we have no idea. It looks like, it looked like a landmass to me at Rocklea. I mean, you know land masses. Oh, I know land masses. I've never had sex. I'm so sorry. I mean, it's fun. You should try. Do you want some chicken? Sure. Here you go, baby. I can't eat it, but you can slop it on my rock. Do you wanna slop it on her rock, big mama? Big mama doesn't slop anything on anything, baby.

Yeah, big mama puts it out. I mean, when you jump, your titty hits the ground first, so. We don't want you to. Well, look, we have to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna get to the bigger issues of the day. That's right, a lot going on this week, and we're gonna want you to. Well, look, we have to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna get to the bigger issues of the day. That's right, a lot going on this week

and we're gonna talk about it. We'll be right back with more Rockley Mountain Rock, more Big Mama, more Brunessa Whale Slay. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Roundtable after this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Comedy Bang Bang Bang. This is the Comedy Bang Bang round table where we break down the issues of the day and we try to come to a common understanding between us all. And I think we're inching towards that.

Brought to you by godaddy.com. Okay, we don't like to mention any other. Sorry, brought to you by myfather.com. Oh, okay. Oh yeah. I'd love to own myfather.com where people just like go on a website and look up like, where's my father right now?

A few of my babies have that question. I would imagine. 72. Yeah. There's an app for that, it's called Find My Dad. Find My Dad. Oh. That'd be great if like everyone when they're born

had like a tracking chip or not even when we're born, when we get a vaccine, have a tracking chip put in us and then the government could just track us around. What do you mean would be great? Oh, is that actually happening? Yeah. Oh, okay. Do you have one?

I mean, do I have access to the network, or do I have the chip? No, do you have an actual chip inside? Yeah, everyone has one. Oh, okay. Have you had blood drawn? Yeah. Yeah, you have one.

Ooh, baby, I've never had blood drawn, except for when I lost my foot. Okay, so you has one. Oh, okay. Have you had blood drawn? Yeah. Yeah, you have one. Oh baby, I've never had blood drawn except for when I lost my foot. Okay, so you have one. Okay. Not me, I'm a rock, right? You may actually not have one. Okay, cool. Although we can see you on GPS, I think.

No. I looked you up during the break. Don't look me up, Scott. Look at this, this is what you look like from an aerial view. That's gauche, Scott. No, really? Why would you do that to them? Look at that, oh my God.

Oh, don't stop, stop zooming in. You're enormous. Stop. Koo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo. It's time for the light, light, light, light, lightning round. Lightning round. Where Scott has to answer all the questions we answered.

No, no. In 10 seconds. In 10 seconds? Ready, go. What would you do in your kitchen? One, two, three, four. What would I do in my kitchen i make mac and cheese and chicken for big mom what's the biggest fashion faux pas you ever made

six seven crocs uh in church nine god what would you like to go to baby what would i like to go to or god eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. Wow, we did it. We did it. We counted to 20. We stopped the big one when we all said 20 at the same time. Wow. There we go, baby.

Exactly right. We bought ourselves another how long? 20 million years. Okay, great. The great thing about problems, as long as you push them out of your immediate future, they're not actually problems anymore. Really?

What do you mean by that? Okay. So for example, global warming. Yes. A lot. Very big, very hot, perhaps too hot for the round table. We like things to be kumpf here at the round table. Mine kumpf?

Is that cooler? Mine kumpf. We've scaled it back from global warming to Hitler's book, mine kumpf. Let me, let me. Mein Kampf? Is that cooler? Mein Kampf. We've scaled it back from global warming to Hitler's book Mein Kampf. Let's go back to global warming. Okay, well let's take it even back further than that. The Ice Age. The Ice Age. I was there.

Were you? No, no, I mean, what happened? I mean, a lot of scientists feel like they know what happened, what actually happened. Oh, they feel like they know, but they have no idea. This is MTV Diaries. The glaciers came in and they made the rocks move around into different kinds of rocks.

That's so rude. What? Did they ask? Are glaciers rocks, baby? No, glaciers are ice. Oh, because they're white. But I know it's confusing because when you order a drink, you order it on the rocks.

On the rocks, exactly. It's gonna be a rock, it's actually ice. That's why I was asking, baby. Yeah, that seems kind of unfair. It is kind of unfair. Yeah, I don't like that. No, me neither. We should just say ice.

No, I think so too. Or like small glaciers. Yeah, small glacier, that's a really good point. A drink on a small glacier. Could I have a bourbon on a small glacier? That honestly sounds lovely. It does, yeah. Let me get some red Kool-Aid on some small glaciers.

Sure, I don't know that you need to go to a bar for that. But. But. Maybe I get all my Kool-Aid from the bars, baby. I respect a bar who serve Kool-Aid. All right, well guys, we're getting down to it. A lot happening this week. And. You keep saying that. Yeah, I know. All right, well guys, we're getting down to it. A lot happening this week. And-

You keep saying that. Yeah, I know. Who are we voting for, babies? I'm voting for Creflo Dollar. What is Creflo Dollar? He's my pastor. It's who I've been voting for for the last 70 years. Is he writing?

I'm writing in, baby. Pastor Creflo Dollar. You know what? I feel like this subject matter makes me a little uncomf. I feel like- A little un-mind-conf. I feel like Alona, for me,

I just love to see an Olympian dance. And it's sort of out of her comfort zone, but I think she's doing a really excellent job. And I think a Nora should win. I thought you would vote for Dwayne Johnson. My son! How you have a son if you ain't never had sex baby? How you do it? Well, oh god, how am I gonna explain this?

So my son, well I'm a mountain, right? I have a little boulder son, okay? He wished to be on land with the people. Met a rock witch, and she stole his hair, sent him to Earth. If he can't kiss someone by the time the big one hits, everyone will die. You understand? I think I get this. And we told him to go undercover, but he went and called himself The Rock.

He called himself The Rock and became a famous wrestler slash actor. And just, I feel like I know how this is, but he did kiss someone, yes? Yes, yes. Okay, okay, okay. The Rock kissed. The big one was off the table.

I don't think The Rock's ever kissed anyone on camera. Can anyone give me any proof that The Rock has ever kissed anyone? He kissed Nev Campbell in the movie where he had- Southland Tales? Is that the name of the movie? Maybe. I just know I knew it

because he only had one foot in the movie. He had a kiss with death in The Fast and the Furious. I feel like he probably had a comedy kiss maybe with Jack Black in Jumanji or something. Oh, if he didn't. Oh, Skyscraper is what you're talking about. Yes, baby. So he kissed Neve Campbell in Skyscraper? He kissed Neve Campbell. But was it true love? No, baby. So big one still on, big one back on. Wait, he also did have a kiss in Jungle Cruise. Who? Emily Blunt. I think Emily Blunt. He kissed Emily Blunt in that? I think it'd be weird to be kissed by the Rock. Blunt has Rock history as well, obviously.

You could tell. Okay, I'm looking up- Her last name is Blunt. I'm looking up Rock kissing. Here's something in Jumanji. His mouth is open and- Didn't I say comedy kiss in Jumanji? Comedy kiss in Jumanji, you did say it, yeah.

All right, because they're like- That has first kiss scene under it. Cause they're like children, right? And they are, yes. They're playing as, yes. That's why the kiss is so good. Here's him actually kissing someone that he is actually married to maybe.

Lauren, come on. That's a real kiss, I guess. Imagine being Lauren and your husband's The Rock. Couldn't be, meme. Just Lauren and The Rock. It's imagine being Lauren and your husband's the rock couldn't be me just Lauren and the rock Yeah, it's gotta be Lauren and Brendan or the rock and diamond Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, you got to change your name. You have to diamond and the rock not to be caddy. It's quite good Well guys a lot going on this week and we need to get to it

So much happening in the world and you know, questions are raised and questions sometimes are answered. And here's one of those questions. We pretty universally think that Mein Kampf is not good, right? We've answered that one. And are the ideas in it not good or was the author bad? I don't know. Would you like to sort of dive into the Harry Potter dilemma all over again? That's the thing. I'm It's the Harry Potter dilemma all over again. That's the thing. I'm still gonna read Harry Potter every night.

Scott. Even though it's written by that notorious turf. Ooh, I don't let my grandbabies read Harry Potter. Why is that? Wizardry, baby. Oh, yeah, that's- It's from the devil. Notorious T-U-R-A.

T-E-R-A. T-E-R-A. Well, I was thinking of- Of rocks. Rocks. Yes. Let's get to it. Lot going on this week. Big Mama.

Yes, baby. If you had your own talk show, who would you invite as your first guest? Oh, baby, I love this question. I would invite Jimmy Carter, baby. Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter now? Or Jimmy- Yes, baby. He's still got stuff that he needs to say, baby. Jimmy Carter? Jimmy Carter now or Jimmy?

Yes, baby. He's still got stuff that he needs to say, baby. I love me some Jimmy Carter. He was so fine. Yeah, really? He was an attractive white man. Yeah, he was up your alley. Oh, he was up my alley.

I could never get my claws in him because he had that wife. Yeah, he had sin in his heart though. He had sin. You could just see it. That's why he was only the president for one term. No, he talks about it in that Playboy interview, I believe.

He was in Playboy? That he had lust in his heart. Did he get naked in Playboy, baby? He did not, no. That I would like to see, especially Jimmy Carter in his prime president, Jimmy Carter. Don't look in my nipples, they hot. I think every president should take a nude photo shoot.

Just to see them in their prime. One nude photo. You know what I mean? Like how every attractive woman should take a nude photo shoot. One. Just to see them in their prime. One nude photo. You know what I mean? Like how every attractive woman should take a nude photo shoot. Careful. She's 22. Yes.

And send it to Scott.Aucherman at gmail.com. That's why I send all my news to Scott.Aucherman at gmail.com. Oh, I would love to see Gerald Ford at 22 Naked 2, baby. Yeah, no, that's the thing. Like they're in their prime. They're the most powerful they'll ever be. Yes, yes. They're just like, you know, just the energy,

the sigma energy just emanating off of them would be amazing to see them nude. Oh, Scott. Do you give me that one? And then they have a calendar. Oh, baby. Are you still talking about 22 year olds, Scott, do you give me that one? And then they have a calendar? Oh, baby! Are you still talking about 22 year olds, Scott? Does all of them in the world?

Talking about the presidents now. When you say in their prime, is that the prime of their presidency or the prime of their life? That's what I mean. The prime of the presidents. The prime of the presidents, baby. I mean, look.

They're prime ministering. Do you think any president was like, you know, being president was fun, but I really enjoyed like filling the blank years. Skateboarding. Yeah, you know? No, they all love being president. No, but I would have said they all looked hotter

right before they were president. No, but on the first day, this should be the thing when they say like, what are your day one plans? Like, what are you gonna do on day one? Well, I'm gonna take my nude photo. Take my nude photo, baby. It's all downhill from here.

Yes. It ages you. No, it doesn't. No, you're right. I mean, Obama, he aged probably 50 years. Luckily, he was only 18 years old when he took office. That's a good point. So now he looks 68. That's a good point.

Is Jimmy Carter in Playboy for Real? I mean, he gave the interview, yes. Oh, but he did not vote. What's Playboy for Real, and how is it different from the original? Okay, so there's the original Playboy that the public gets. And there's Playboy for Real, which is the interviews that were happening secretly over the course of their entire life and the photos

they didn't know were being taken. Oh, no. And I heard about it through the grapevine. It's it's extremely unethical. It's just a medical chart of the growth of the person. Yes. And nude photos throughout the years. Just sort of like paparazzi photos from throughout their life. Oh, playboy for real. Playboy for real.

Um, Brenessa, you have a talk show. Who are you going to invite as your first guest? I do. Uh, this, I mean, in this hypothetical. Do I have to run it or can I hire someone else to run it for me? When you say run it, do you mean- Do I have to run it, or can I hire someone else to run it for me? When you say run it, you mean- Do I have to physically be there as the host? Traditionally, yeah, but traditionally,

people want to do that because it makes them more famous. I prefer to operate sort of behind the scenes. I don't give a lot of public facing interviews. So if you were in like drama club, you would wanna do like make the sets? Own the school? I would say though that if I had to, it would probably be my friend Rebecca. And I would bring her on and I would ask her if she could change her wedding.

How would it be more about me? This is your friend that you showed up to? Wearing blue and her wedding absolutely ruined it. I felt so embarrassed for her. So that would be sort of a way for me to publicly apologize to her. Okay, I see. It hasn't been a rift in our friendship. I would imagine that she actually felt gratitude towards you for wearing blue.

I'm not sure I haven't asked, but she cried a lot and I assumed that it was because of me. She cried at her wedding. Oh, yeah. What happened? She got married. Yeah. She was crying her wedding. Oh yeah. What happened? She got married. Yeah. Crying before or after? She was crying happy tears.

I'm not sure. I have a really hard time telling the difference between the two because I've never cried. Okay, I'm gonna cry. And you tell me if it's happy or sad. I'm gonna be honest, it seemed fake. Seemed fake to me too. That's not how nobody cry, baby.

I mean, I'm not actually crying because I don't feel sad or at all sad. Okay, well if you ask me to determine if you're crying for real or happy or sad, and the answer is seen and on the above? Yeah, I guess I'm neither. Do Playboy for real, Scott. Yeah, take it off when we're not looking,

Playboy for real. And eat more of your chicken, Scott. I'm sorry, this chicken is disgusting. I don't like Laura Dern's seasoning. It tastes like Laura Dern, if that makes sense. Why do you know how Laura Dern tastes? I don't even know. I mean, I've never been around Laura Dern.

I'm just tasting it. I'm going, oh, you have to be around Laura Dern. I mean, obviously. Yes, she's a legend. She's incredible, yeah. Rockley, you have a talk show or a rock show. Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. Who do you invite to be as your first guest?

The king of rock and roll, Shrek. I mean, people say Elvis a lot, but Shrek, he had that, the I'm a Believer song. Oh yes, the I'm a Believer song. Yeah, but I mean Sh Believer song. Yeah. But I mean Shrek has- Or the Blarney Stone, that's a famous rock. Sure. Sure.

People kiss it all the time. Do you wish people would kiss you? Yes. Isn't that funny? Sometimes they climb me, they hike on me and it feels like a little tickle and I like it, but- Isn't it funny, the Blarney Stone's out there going like, oh, it's good luck if you kiss me.

Yeah, just like, you know, kind of something you would say about 22 year olds sending pictures to you. I meant that. I mean, it's just funny. It's good luck if you do that. Yeah, it's good luck if you do that. Yeah, yeah, of course. So you'd have the Blarney Stone on, that's fun.

Are there any other famous rocks? There's Mount Rushmore, we talked about that. Oh, can I ask a question about Half Dome? About Half Dome? Oh yes. Like what happened? I can't say. I knew it. I don't know if I can really think of any famous rocks I mean there's of course the old hairy rocks there's Plymouth there's Gibraltar there's Rosetta there's Brutus Stone there's the Bryce Canyon National Park, of course. There's Wave Rock, Aphrodite's, you know. I love Chris. We skipped right there.

There's Chris. Chris Rock. We talked about Chris. Chris Rock, of course. There's Kid. Uluru, Uluru, Uluru. Can you say Uluru more? Uluru?

There's Moon. You guys know Uluru? I don't know what you're talking about. There's Pop. Pop Rocks, baby. The patriarch of the family. Wait, Uluru? Uluru.

Oh, they had that patriarch of the family. Wait, Uluru? Uluru. Oh, they had that show on Hulu. Uluru coming to you on Hulu. Uluru coming to you on Hulu. Well, guys, those are all great answers. It's good to...

Equally great answers. Equally great answers. Scott, they were. It's great to really delve and dive into this kind of stuff. I have another question here for us. Wait, Scott, answer it. You should answer it. Who would be the baby?

Who do you want on your show? And honestly. Hypothetically, if you had a talk show. Honestly, I like this group right here. I would have you all on as a trio. Emma Stone. That's another Davis Rock. Pebbles.

Pebbles, yes, of course. The singer and the Flintstones. Yeah, anybody from the Flintstones. Who was Halle Berry in that? She was- Ms. Rockstone. Ms. Secretary Rock. Right? By the way, Rockstone is like, that's two different- No, it's two different things. Two rock, two rocks. You can't do that.

No. All right, lightning round, guys. Oh, baby. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone.

Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Rockstone. Right? By the way, rock stone is like, that's two different, two rock things. You can't do that. No. All right, lightning round, guys.

Oh, baby. Wrong move. True. Don't yell like that, Sky. You'll make me bounce my titties on the table. Lightning round. If you had to eat one food every day for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

Rocks. Rocks. Um, filet mignon. Oh, baby, neck bones. Just chicken neck bones or just neck bones in general? Just neck bones. What? Don't know. Could be any neck bone. It could be any neck bone, baby. Do we have neck bones?

We have neck bones. Oh, wait, can I change my answer? Zorse. Zorse or zorse? Zorse. What is zorse? It's when you breed a zebra with a horse. Oh, right.

There's like a hundred of them in the world. Z-H- Z-O-R-S-E. Oh, Z-O, yeah, it was in the New York Times mini crossword the other day. Oh, I wanna change mine too. Okay, go ahead. Neckbone.

Neckbone, okay, so two for neckbone, one for zorse? Wait, can I change mine? Okay, go ahead. Zorse neckbone. Zorse neckbone, okay. Can I change mine, baby? Go ahead. Rock. Rock, okay, good. All Wait, can I change mine? Okay, go ahead. Zors neck bone. Zors neck bone, okay. Can I change mine, baby? Go ahead. Rock.

Rock, okay, good. All right, we're back where we started, it seems like. Just we've all switched. What's your score, Scott? Stop leaving yourself out. Guys, I'm just the moderator. No one cares about what I think, obviously. We do. We do.

Baby, we care. We care, baby. I told you I knew your grandma, baby. That's so nice, really? Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Oh my gosh. And I told you, there's a microchip that monitors your every move.

Do you know where I am at all times? I mean, now I do. I'm in a room with you. What if I put the blinds down, like when God. God can't see, but I can. God. All right, here we go. We're still in the lightning round.

What fictional family would you like to be a member of, Big Mama? Ooh, baby, the Addams family. The Addams family. They do what they wanna do, don't they? They do what they wanna do and they sit down and they eat dinner every night together, baby. They kick and they slap a friend.

They kick and they slap a friend. That's what I do, baby. I do that with any of my enemies. Yeah, oh yeah, interesting. All right, Brunessa. The Greek Pantheon. That's the family you would like the- I feel like I'd fit right in with the Greek Pantheon. That's the family you would like the- I feel like I'd fit right in with the Greek pantheon.

Ancient gods and goddesses. Yeah. They're always changing people into geese and sort of doing whatever they want all the time. Yeah, they do what they wanna do. They do what they wanna do and they love who they love and they don't apologize for it and some- And they kick and they slap a friend. And they kick and they slap a friend and they kick it and they slap a friend yeah

interesting all right Rockley what fictional family do you want to be a part of go yours really Rockley but I wouldn't be a part of any anymore because I would pick the clumps oh okay well you pick the clumps and I'll pick yours and we'll do a big switch we'll do a little parent or not parent trap. What are they? When they swap parents, what was that? Freaky Friday. That was Freaky Friday. I love me some Jamie Lee Curtis. Did how did they get out of that? I haven't seen the movie. They opened a fortune cookie. Yeah, but also they learned the lesson of seeing life from the other's point of view. And then Jamie Lee Curtis said, and then Lindsay Lohan said,

did you call my name? And she said, yeah, I called your name if your name is remember. And that's how they remember. I didn't, I said, I didn't see it. Oh, I thought that was from the clumps. Oh, I've seen the clumps. They do fart in the clumps, baby. Yeah.

Yes. They thought a lot. The clumps are in the nutty professor too. The nutty professor too. They're in one as well, baby. Nutty professor The clumps are in the Nutty Professor too, baby. Oh, wow. The Nutty Professor too. They're in one as well, baby. Nutty Professor one and Nutty Professor two. And two. Two is actually called the clumps.

Lightning round continues! What would you choose as your superpower if you could and why, Brunessa? Oh, um, sort of interesting question. Now, in a lightning round, are you supposed to answer quickly? Yeah, as opposed to slowly. Wow. That's so hard. Mainly because I think the connotation is that lightning happens very quick.

Oh, that's what I'd like. Oh, the power of lightning? Like Zeus. Or black lightning. Who? No, I'd Zeus, please. Black lightning was kind of the Zeus of the DC universe? No, Zeus is good for me. King of the Gods is good.

Okay. All right. What does Black Lightning do? He goes around throwing lightning at people, you know, solving crimes using lightning. I'm not quite sure. Maybe he's like, you know, like investigating a crime and then he like throws down lightning to see the crime scene better. Solving crimes? Zeus, thank you very much. What's the question? The question is what superpower does Black Lightning have? Oh, I don't know. I'm panicking. Rockley, come on, focus. This is the lightning round. What power do I want? Do you need to put your hand on my breast? The power of legs! I want to where the rock went and I wanna come to be where the people are. Oh wow, just like Ariel, the small foam woman.

She wanted legs. Yeah. Yeah. The small woman who turned into foam. The opposite of ZZ Top. What does ZZ Top want, baby? Well, she had legs. She knew how to use them. Beard?

Beard. But ZZ Top? So a clean shaven person who does not have legs is the ZZ Top opposite. ZZ Toppizit. Big Mama? Oh baby, I would want the ability to see through people's clothes. Really? Why is that? Yes baby, because have you ever wondered, I wonder what they look like naked, like Jimmy Carter? Yeah. I just want to know what he looks like naked. But would you have the ability to turn that ability off? Oh, no, baby. Would you have to see everybody naked?

I would have to see everybody. You want to see everybody. I don't want to see everybody. I would have to see everybody. Who don't you want to see? Who don't I want to see? Oh, uh, uh, uh, baby, I don't, I don't, I don't want to see, I don't want to see Richard Nixon. But he's a president. He's been dead for years.

That's why I don't want to see him. Oh, because you don't want to see, so you'd be able to see through the dirt to skeleton. I would be able to see through the dirt and through his skeleton, baby. So, because when you're dead, your clothes are considered your coffin in the dirt. Right. Yes.

Would you like the ability to see through dirt? No, no, no, only clothes, baby. Because, because when you're dead, your clothes are considered your coffin in the dirt. Right. Yes. Would you like the ability to see through dirt? No, no, no, only clothes, baby. Because if you could see through dirt, you could see through rock leaves, baby. I'm not dirt, I'm rock. What the fuck? What do you mean if you could see through dirt, you could see rock leaves?

What is rock, but just dirt that's been kind of compresses? Whoa, whoa, what the fuck? Baby, I can see. That's sedimentary rock, okay? Okay, I don't mean to be- I'm igneous. I was lava at one point. I was never dirt. When were you lava? Like hundreds of trillion bills a years ago.

Oh really? You were lava? What happened? Yeah, then I hardened. Which is more than I could say for you. What? Yeah. How floppy ass dick. How dare you? We're not friends anymore. When were we? I don't know.

You came in here guns blazing. You never received me. You never received me. Hold on babies. Have some chicken. It'll make it better. Let's have some Laura Dern flavored chicken. Fine, slop it on me.

Here you go. Ooh, it's hot. Go ahead, slop it on me. Oh God. You don't like it, baby? It's so Laura Dern-y. It's hot. Go ahead, flop it on me. Oh, God. You don't like it, baby? It's so Laura Dern-y. It's delicious. Yeah. I mean, you can't taste it. I can't taste it, but I can feel that it's wet. I'm tasting a lot of like, um, like flavor.

Oh, I didn't even flop it on you. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. But I took some from a while ago. Oh, Brunessa, you so sweet. Does it not taste good? No, it tastes like it tastes flavorful. Yeah, but the flavor of loradern. No, but like flavor in general. What's up with fajitas? Why do they have to cook them at the table? You don't have to.

I appreciate the spectacle. There's a whole kitchen back there. Exactly. Take your time. Do it right. I love when they cook the fajitas. Don't bring it out when it's half done in the pan. Come on, guys.

Seasoning and boiling. Give me the food when it's ready. Yeah, don't pass me an oven mitt and say, careful, it's hot. Yeah, and by the way, oh, seasoning and boiling. Like, give me the food when it's ready. Yeah, don't pass me an oven mitt and say, careful, it's hot. Yeah, and by the way, oh, it is hot? Yeah, you cooked it right in front of me. Yeah. Yeah, I get it, I'm not gonna touch the plate.

Oh, and let me guess, these little bread slices are the things I have to assemble myself. Yeah, put them in there for me, already cooked. Make it a little burrito for me, bring it out. Yeah, she's having pain for this shit. Now, when I was saying, yo, kitchen's got, and you asked for the food to be already cooked, you rebuffed. Yeah. Now when I was saying, yo, kitchen Scott, and asked for the food to be already cooked, you rebuffed.

But now you want the fajitas cooked, baby. Yeah, but you wanted me to cook it. Okay, I see. You don't wanna do the work. You just want it done for you. Yeah, I'm going to a restaurant. I'm paying them to do it. Exactly.

Friendship back on. Thank you. Yeah. I don't go to a restaurant and go like, oh, hey, do you have any bread and peanut butter? Exactly, right. I'll put it together myself. It's just ridiculous. Rock, rock, rock, oh, hey, do you have any bread and peanut butter? Exactly, right. I'll put it together myself. It's just ridiculous.

Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. Rock, rock, rock. All right, guys, lightning round continues. Are you a coffee or a tea person? Big mama. Oh, baby, I love me a big old cup of hot chocolate. Hot chocolate, all right. Yeah.

Brunessa. Yeah, that's gonna be an oil for me. You like to drink oil? Absolutely. By the way, why does stuff not have flavor when you eat it? Oh, just the sort of food that I'm accustomed to, just doesn't have a lot of flavor. Really rich people, do you have those like those dinner capsules that you can just eat and it's like a free course meal? Oh, sure, like pills, like Willy Wonka style like meals. So you know what Willy Wonka is? Sure, why?

Is that because he's rich in the movie and that appeals to you? Yes. He is rich, right? In the movie, he's incredibly rich. Of course. Or did he just own all that land? No, he owned the whole company. Sure. And he made an incredible elevator.

But was he rich on paper or was he cash poor? I have to imagine that the children showing up was sort of a publicity stunt meant to invigorate a dying business. You gotta assume that. Otherwise, why do you let five children into your factory? It doesn't make much sense. Rockley, coffee or tea?

Permission to make a joke? Permission granted, Rockley. Kofifi. Oh, the issues of the day. Oh, the issues of the day. Oh, the issues of the day. Well, this has been an incredible CBB round table. I think we learned a lot here.

This is, you know, we, things got a little heated at certain points, especially between Rockley and I, but. But when Big Mama's at the table, everything ends up all right, baby. That's right. Well, we are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called Plugs.

["Plugs"] I was in a band once, and we had a song called Mr. Next in Line. How did that song go? I'm your Mr. Next in Line. Just standing here waiting all the time. Girl, you gotta give me some condo sundown. Cause I'm your Mr. Next for plugs.

Condo sundown? Condo sundown, interesting. That was a next for plugs. Cause I'm your Mr. Next for Plugs. Kondo Sundown? Kondo Sundown, interesting. That was Next for Plugs by Elling Like Smelling. Thank you so much for Elling Like Smelling. If you have a Plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and you can find everything there that you need.

You can find all the stems and everything and you can put together remixes and stuff and you can be famous for a week. And Elling likes smelling, you are famous this week. What do we wanna plug? Big Mama, do you have anything you'd like to plug? Ooh, baby, when I sit down after dinner, I like to listen to a couple of things, and I like to watch some stuff, but I also love going to live shows.

And there's this one live show called Comedian Feud, and it's hosted by this handsome boy, his name is Jackie Zaneil, and it is just basically Family Feud. I heard you were on it one time, Scott. I did go to this show, Jason Mantoukas and I have played against each other. Baby, I saw that and that's what put you back on my radar.

Wonderful, oh really? Yes, because I remember, oh, that's that, that's that, that Ackerman lady. We all wanna be on radar unless you're a submarine. All right, well then also, and that boy has an Instagram called at jockeysneal. He is a lovely boy, go check it out. All right, fantastic.

Brunessa Whaleslay, what do you wanna plug? Well, if you're interested in seeing an improvised musical with people named Zachary or Jessica McKenna, and they'll be on- That's very specific. That's a very specific interest for people to have. And if they happen to be interested in that, boy, do I have news for you. They're on tour through the end of the year in November and December in Austin, Asheville,

Nashville, Englewood, Colorado, Washington, Philadelphia, Brooklyn, Somerville, and Toronto. And you can get tickets for all of those at link at the zacandthegest.com slash live. It seems like Asheville and Nashville shouldn't be right next to each other because like the people from Nashville would be like, oh, the shows tonight in Asheville. Oh no. And yet the shows are days apart in cities that aren't close to each other. It still sounds confusing to me. And yet they're doing it for some reason. I don't have any sort of further comment on that. They're weird. They're happening. Rockley, what do you want to plug? Dinosaurs are old, right? Yes or no? Yeah. I mean, they didn't get to be old,

if that's what you're saying. Well, they were around a long time ago. Same age as a rock. And dinosaur improv is happening in Los Angeles on, actually the 12th, November 12th. And then a little tour. Say let me re-scream. Tour. Ah! Tour, baby. On the November 20th in Boston, the 21st in Brooklyn and the 22nd in Washington, DC.

Okay. And then of course on Hulu, we have Hulu. Can you read this, Scott? Scott Suellentrop Yeah, Uluru is sacred to the Pidin T'Jara, the Aboriginal people of the area known as the Anangu. You're shaking your phone around so much that it's very difficult to- Anangu I'm excited for you to read it. Scott Suellentrop I understand the nerves. Anangu That was why that was difficult for you to read because I was quote unquote shaking my phone.

Yes, you could. Oh, oh, Earthquake! Oh! Oh, no, baby! Oh, there's a minor one. Anyways, Interior Chinatown on Hulu, not to be mistaken for Uluru on Hulu, on November 19th. On November 19th.

All right, I wanna plug, guys, the big, huge end of the tour show is coming up on December 13th in Los Angeles. This is the biggest Comedy Bang Bang show of the year. We're trying to get, just make it the ultimate Comedy Bang Bang show that you would wanna see with all your favorite people on it.

And this is at the United Theater on Broadway and the podcast Hey Randy is opening for us. This is an incredible double bill. Hey Randy and Comedy Bang Bang. This is December 13th at the United Theater on Broadway. We're gonna make it an incredible night. Tickets are on sale now at cbbworld.com slash tour. You can get all the tickets you need,

and you can get all the tickets you don't need. Honestly, I don't give a shit. And while you're over there at CBB World, check everything out. We put out a lot of great stuff over the past few weeks. Not only can you hear all of our comedy bang bang episodes over the years, as well as every single live episode we've ever done, but we did a bunch of special stuff.

We did a SAW watch along with Andrew Lloyd Webber and Brian Denniston just put out. Sawah. Sawah. Devon? Sawah Chalong. Sawah Chalong from Casper. Yeah, of course. We also did Long Legs had a show where he interviewed serial killers from movies. A lot of great stuff going over there.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag. But that's not the Plug Bag. Because you know. What is it? What is it? Open the Plug Bag, please. You don't know what a Plug Bag is. All right, that was Empty the Plug Bags by Ray Puremind. Thank you to Ray Puremind. And guys, I want to thank you so much.

I really feel like we did some good work today. Big Mama, wonderful to have you here. Oh, thank you, baby. It's quite all right. And I'm mad that you didn't like my chicken. Are you really upset? I'm so sad, baby. Has anyone ever not liked your chicken?

You're the first person to never like my chicken, baby. Yet you use the Laura Dern seasoning every day. It looks like just flakes of her skin. Baby, that is exactly what it is, is flakes of skin. Yeah, like she had to do her birth. It's not, it's not. I tricked you, Scott. Okay, it still tastes like her.

I wanted to see if you was an honest boy. I bought you bad chicken and you didn't like it. If you would have said, this is good, I would have been like, that Scott is a liar. That was me, I said it was good. Okay, I still ate bad chicken, so this is like not a good trick or test or I mean. It seems like a beautiful test to me, Scott.

I feel kind of sick, honestly. No, Scott, well, hey, protect your feet. Okay, yeah, I don't wanna get my foot chopped off. You can have mine if you want. I can have both of those? Remember they put two on one, I don't need that. I still chopped off. You can have mine if you want. I can have both of those? Remember they put two on one, I don't need that. I still got the foot. On camera right?

On camera, on stage right? I think stage left is right. That's right. I want to thank you. Look, Renessa, Whaleslay, wonderful to meet you. I can't imagine what your life is like. No, Scott, you absolutely cannot. But thank you so much for having me here.

It's been so nice to sort of like come down and see what life is like for three people, question mark? I guess sort of- Three people, I mean, if you count yourself amongst them and then a- No, I try very hard not to be introspective. Two people and a mountain range, which it's just been a fascinating

once in a lifetime experience that I wouldn't trade for anything mostly because I need nothing. Well, good luck to you with, I can't imagine the outcome of this week will affect you at all. Means nothing to me, no. Yeah.

Thank you so much though. Wonderful, and then Rockley. Oh Scott, I enjoyed getting to know you. What more needs to be said between us? Can I say something in my own language? Sure. Rock on pebble on rock on squawk on, crunchier crounc on gravel on crups on pebble on rock non squawk on crunchier crowns on gravel on crupps on pebble on rock

on gravel on squake on rock. That was beautiful. Beautiful. Wow, baby. I, what an incredible language you have. Thank you. Wow. What did that mean, do you mind me asking?

Well, it means when a rock makes a friend, it lasts for a lifetime. Your life or my life? Yours. No, that's less good. Too long for it to be mine. when a rock makes a friend, it lasts for a lifetime. Your life or my life? Yours. No, that's less good. Too long for it to be mine. I won't remember you in a couple million years.

Why not? I mean, I feel like we had a connection here. But don't get needy. Have you ever done another podcast? I mean, this is- Don't do this. It's a pretty cool medium. I don't cuddle after. I know that it doesn't have the respect

that maybe like, you know, music does, television or film. No, I love music. You should do music or television or film, Scott. Music is good. You should do gospel, Scott. I would like to. Can you imagine me doing gospel?

Yes. Sing your favorite gospel song. Again, Michael Rowe is about to shore. That's got some subtext to it, I think. Okay. You know what I mean? Like I think the shore is like heaven and- The shore is like, okay. Can I give you a song to sing?

Okay, sure. Find the presence of the Lord is here. And the next time I come back, I want you to sing it all to me. Okay, I'll do it from memory. Yes, please. Find the presence of the Lord is here. Yes, baby.

What does that even mean? I don't know. It means the presence of the Lord is here somewhere. But we're supposed to find it? You have to find it. Or is it like find comma, like like Hark. No no there's no commas. Find! There's no commas in gospel. There's no commas in gospel. There are no commas. No commas. Not even Oxford's? No baby. And there's no crying in baseball. Okay that's a good point. All, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye!